#I didn’t know what they were going to do with Anno’s character and I don’t know what I think yet but I do enjoy all his scenes

[jawbonejoe]

Anno and Gereon as two poles, one facilitating the madness of the Weimar Republic, and one trying desperately to bring it to order. What does it mean, then, that they are brothers, that the madness gave up order to exist apart from everyone? And that Gereon is drawn back to him to be abused and to have his sense of the truth twisted. Order laying down for madness to bring it the sense it can’t make out of the world

[stxuxrniolochris]

fake dating p2 ~ chris sturniolo

p1 p3 p4

slow burn ( i think ), your both seniors(18), also i live in Ireland so idk how American like years ik school works so just go with it, use of y/n, half based on to all the boys I’ve loved before but not really, highschool!chris

Summary ~~you both need to get peoples attention but you might just end up catching eachothers~~

This chapter explains the backgrounds of the characters more but in the next it will focus more on Chris and y/n 🫶🏼

~~

Me and Chris sat down at our own table without our friends. It was weird but since me and Chris were close it wasn’t awkward. “ So there’s a party at James’ tonight..” he starts. “Chris you know I don’t do parties.” I said sternly so he knew I wasn’t joking. “Come on y/n, Amelia went to all the parties with me and she’ll be there so you have to come so she sees you with me.” I roll my eyes. “Fine but we’re leaving when I say”. He nods quickly. “Deal” he said while shaking my hand, which causing me to shake my head and laugh. Until I catch Amelia’s eye across the cafeteria, glaring at me and Chris, which makes me stop laughing quick.

Chris pov

The bell rings indicating it’s time for class so y/n stands up and gets ready. Even though she’s my bestfriend, i can’t deny she’s really pretty. I used to like her back in freshman year, but I realised she was just feeling platonic towards me when she used to come to me with boy problems and talk about her dates. I got jealous of when she talked about her dates so I started going on them myslelf. That’s when I met Amelia and I ended up really liking her and my feelings for y/n drifted but I never stopped thinking she was beautiful. Matt and nick think I still like her, and that’s why I’m doing this whole fake dating thing, but I just want Amelia back. I think. No. I know.

“Chris are you even listening to me” y/n pulls me out of my trance. “Sorry, what did you say?” “I was just telling you to come on or we’ll be late, you’re already falling behind in physics.” She said while walking away. “Wait up.” I said while rushing to get up. I latched my hand to hers and she tensed up a bit. I don’t know why I mean we’ve always had touchy relationship. “Relax” I bent down to whisper.

Y/n pov

“Relax” he whispered right beside my ear. His hot breath tickling, sending shivers down my spine. I don’t know why I was tensed up, I don’t like Chris like that. I think it was the idea of being in a public relationship with him. I’ve never had a proper relationship before. It always kind of scared me. I never had a great relationship with my parents growing up, till my dad left when I was 13. After that me and my mom got closer but not close. Seeing how my dad treated me and my mom I always had an idea that relationships won’t work out so it’s easier to stay away. That’s the one of the two things I’ve never told Chris. No one knows what really happened with my dad they just know he’s not around anymore.

School just ended. It was my favourite and least favourite time of the day. I didn’t like school but I also hated being home. Chris had is arm lazily around my hip while we walked out of the school. We were walking to the car and I had my head down looking at my phone, when I felt Chris stop and his arm coming fully around my waist and holding me infront of him. I looked up wondering what he was doing, and then I was face to face with Amelia. It was silent for a moment of Amelia staring at me, “What do you want Ams.” He didn’t have to use her nickname infront of my even if we were just faking it. “I was wondering how you moved on so fast and with her.” She said in a condescending tone, which made me roll my eyes. “Look Amelia I don’t have time for this, you broke up with me remember.” Chris said while resting his chin my head. Amelia just scoffed and walked off. Chris turned to me with a grin on his face. “She was totally jealous.” Chris exclaimed. “Yup.. haha” I said not trying to be rude, I don’t know why him liking her annoyed me.

We pulled up to my house and I saw my mom’s car meaning she was home. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes, it came out shaky. I never know what to expect with my mom but lately it hasn’t been good. “Hey are you good?” Chris said looking back at me. “Yea it’s just my mom- no yea I’m good.” I said but the uncertainty was clear in my voice. “Alright just let me know if you need anything.” He said with a reassuring smile. I smiled back and thanked Matt for the ride and I walked up to the front door.

I looked in the window and saw empty vodka bottles everywhere. I took another deep breath before unlocking my door and stepping in. The smell of alcohol filling my nose straight away. I walked into the living room and saw my mom passed out on the couch. I sighed and started cleaning up the mess she made. “What do you think you’re doing.” I heard my mom snap. “Oh s-sorry I thought you were asleep s-so I was just helping sorry.” “Stop apologising and I know you were snooping.” My mom said while slurring her words. “What no I wasn’t” I protest. “Yea, yea sure get out I have company coming.” I sighed knowing this meant another stranger coming and getting drunk with her, then me cleaning up. “For how long?” I questioned. “Just come back tomorrow.” She said in a monotone voice like it wasn’t a big deal. “Tommorow?! Mom where am I meant to stay.” I panicked. “I don’t know y/n figure it out.” She snapped harshly. I sighed knowing nothing good would come out of fighting with her.

I called Chris and he picked up straight away after one ring. “What’s up?” I sighed. “I don’t know if I can make it to the party tonight, sorry.” I said “what why you said yes earlier.” “It’s complicated Chris.” I said not wanting him to know everything. “If you can’t tell me why, you’re coming.” This man. “Chris seriously I can’t.” I said then hung up on him. I wasn’t bothered trying to explain everything to him.

I went upstairs put a few things in a backpack before going back down. “I’m leaving now!” I shouted to my mom. No answer, great. I rolled my eyes and left. I don’t know where I was going yet.

While I was walking I saw a familiar car drive up the road, it was Matt and Chris. The car slowed down beside me and Chris hopped out. I kept walking, I wasn’t mad at him I was just mad. He jogged up to me “hey wait” he said catching up. “What Chris.” “What’s up with you, you’re acting weird.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are. Tell me what’s wrong, did I do something?.” He said while putting his hands on my arms. “No it’s just my mom.” I said my voice slightly breaking. I looked down not wanting Chris see me cry. We stayed like that for a moment before I let out a small sob breaking the silence. “Oh y/n.” Chris said with sympathy behind his voice while pulling me into a warm hug. Chris knew that my mom wasn’t perfect but didn’t know everything because he knew I didn’t liek to talk about. After a few moment he pulled back but still had his hand on me. “Now tell me what’s wrong.” He said firmly. “My mom- she-she doesn’t care and she said I can’t come back till tomorrow and I don’t know w-where to go.” I said rambling. “Shh shh I know, it’s ok you can stay with me.” He said embracing me in a hug again. “Are you sure, I don’t want to like intrude or be a burden, don’t worry about-“ he cut me off “I’m sure now come on.” He said taking my hand and bringing me to the car Matt was patiently waiting in.

a/n: I know this doesn’t make sense right now but trust me it will soon!

[ggswaywardgifrepository]

Man am I in my thoughts on Khaos Reigns. Spoilers, obviously. And fair warning that I disliked far more than I liked about it.

I appreciate how much attention Bi-Han was given in the narrative. However, overall, I think he was terribly written. I’m just not interested in projecting meaning and depth onto his behavior anymore. I did, and still do, see his time and behavior as Sub-Zero during the main game as more subjective than how he behaved at all in Khaos Reigns. Pre and post being Noob’d.

I’m a pretty big base game Bi-Han apologist, and can apply meaning to some of his choices. DLC Bi-Han, though… I apologize and make excuses for main game Bi-Han; I want the writers to apologize TO Khaos Reigns Bi-Han.

I’m still pleased he was so important to the plot but the character was still shafted. And that’s a pretty impressive feat. But he is just a balls to the wall asshole through Khaos Reigns, and I’m just struggling to find the reason for it. Like, his base game beefs had some merit. I guess the best I can come up with is that he’s shed the last of his restraint by the time, especially once he’s transformed.

His one—ONE—truly selfless act ended up being him going through the portal after Havik. He acknowledges that something happening to Geras will be disastrous and does what needs to be done. It’s unfortunate it was so overwhelmed by shitty things happening to him, or him just choosing to do terrible things. Who’da thunk it that that would be the smartest and most sensible thing Bi-Han did in the whole story?

Well written characters don’t drag us by the feet from plot point to plot point. A lot of this came off as shallow, rushed, inorganic.

Bi-Han being the one to defeat Titan Havik was satisfying, but Liu Kang suddenly caring about what killing a Titan would do their timeline? Like we didn’t just wreck Titan Shang Tsung’s shit??? Even if Titan Havik was potentially connected to more timelines, Johnny, Rain, and Tanya proved that even in the most fucked of timelines goodness existed. He surely damned decent people in Titan Shang Tsung’s timeline, too. He couldn’t be any surer there was no one but his minions left, right?

IDFK. One of many inconsistencies in this new timeline’s story.

Noob’s time as Havik’s henchman was pathetically short, too. And the person who drops his henchman self isn’t Kuai Liang? Or even Sektor? He doesn’t even have a real fight against Scorpion? Because Scorpion didn’t get a chapter and it wasn’t worked into Noob’s chapter. (He was shameless and aggressive enough it honestly could’ve been.)

Don’t get me wrong, I really liked Empress Tanya, but the single playable character per chapter structure really, really hurt this installment. There were multiple instances where the wrong character got the playable fight against the enemy onscreen/impeding the heroes’ progress.

The tower endings for both Sektor and Noob also seem to shit on Liu Kang’s plan to keep Bi-Han safe while he attempts to restore him fully. And that pisses me off. Because the thing that gave me hope about this whole charade was that we’d finally get a Bi-Han redemption story. He may spend the rest of his days disfigured for what Havik did to him, which is fine, but his spirit would be pure. He’d feel remorse and care to redeem himself. It may still happen; I know tower endings aren’t 100% canon, but there tend to be snippets there.

I can only hope that Sektor becoming involved with Quan Chi leads to Sareena being a part of the story and a key factor in Bi-Han’s redemption.

I honestly thought all of his restoration, or the hints thereof, were going to be part of the ending. I expected him to consciously choose to fight against Havik before Liu Kang “restored his mind”. (If that is what Liu Kang considers Bi-Han with his mind resorted roflmao).

Smoke was robbed, as were several characters who deserved to play a larger role (Kitana, for one). Did Tomas even have a single line? I truly can’t remember, he was there so little.

I’m annoyed that Emperor Rain and Empress Tanya were written better as a couple than Tanya and Mileena, because the series is sorely lacking in queer representation. They’re it at this point and they’re sadly, canonically, a kinda boring and neglected ship.

Cyrax is adorable and I loved her. I know some people don’t like her voice or her look, and I’m still lukewarm about the genderswap, but I really liked her. I think her characterization was closest to its roots of any of the DLC characters.

Boy was I wrong about Sektor. I liked her but the trailer cleverly implied she was more of a team good guy player than she is. She openly cooperated with the good guys but it was entirely motivated by her loyalty and personal affection for Bi-Han.

It was extremely refreshing to see Harumi, period. She not only lived but was portrayed as a competent and sympathetic character. One of very few things the DLC did well with.

Several of the skins are fantastic. I love Khaos Takeda, Kitana, and Mileena. Khaos Shang Tsung is awful though. Absolutely hated his look for all 12 seconds he was there.

Overall, though, the DLC was a massive disappointment. It cost $$$, only lasted a couple of hours, and there was no post credits scene to give me anything to look forward to and make the underwhelming story experience more palatable.

And if you loved it, congrats. If you have all the “this is actually a lot deeper because” metas and headcanons, go you. I’m happy for you. I wanted to like this enough to at least try to rationalize what I didn’t like. I really thought I would.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 297

ScoobyNatural

“ScoobyNatural”

I cannot tell you how happy I am that this ridiculous premise of an episode gets its own day

Plot Description: in this special animated episode, Sam, Dean, and Castiel are sucked into a Scooby-Doo cartoon and help the gang investigate a mysterious phenomenon

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: sure? The only thing that died was a giant dinosaur plushie

The fact that Dean even knows who Elsa (from Frozen) is…fantastic

He’s SO PROUD of his little Dean-cave. It does have just about everything he loves. I think just a stripper pole is missing, but he doesn’t really bring anyone back to the bunker for that purpose

(Megumi is loudly judging me for being excited for Dean’s excitement)

This is the stupidest concept they’ve done. I’m obsessed with it. It’s written (so far) exactly like a thirteen year old’s fanfic (affectionate), and I can say that because I did write fanfic at that age.

Dean’s so defensive of Scooby…and yet he’ll then say Cas is kind of like their talking dog. I hope you eat those words, Dean

Yikes on bikes. Did you have to go into how Scooby’s southern colonel benefactor died? I didn’t need to hear Fred Jones say that ANYONE died of cancer. That breaks the old cartoon illusion of Scooby Doo

You might as well act like you’re in a cartoon, Sam……because you are. Dean’s got the spirit, piling up a sandwich at least a foot and a half high and somehow being able to fit it in his mouth

Dean says he has a crush on Daphne, but he’s SO ANGRY about Fred’s whole existence

You say the Scooby gang is pure and good and then immediately try to sleep with Daphne…I get that this is like your one chance ever to do that but come on. Don’t worry though, you’ll be bunking with Fred instead

Daphne, don’t be silly. Velma’s gay, she’s not into Sam

(The family and friends named in this colonel’s will have to stay the night in the family mansion in order to split $1 million……….oh, and the mansion is haunted 😉)

Oh. People are gonna DIE die in the cartoon. That’s not good

I’m OBSESSED with how protective of Scooby Dean is. He literally doesn’t care if him or Sam die, Scooby could die! And that’s not gonna happen on his watch. He’d, and I quote, “take a bullet for that dog.”

Ok Sherlock Dinkley. I get it’s in the public domain but did you have to do the WHOLE “once you eliminate the impossible…” line?

Cas returning to the bunker and announcing what he’s been through without an audience and in such a normal cadence is so out of character. Barely feels like Cas at all

SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT CASTIEL GOT ZAPPED INTO THE CARTOON AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT DEAN WAS RANTING ABOUT FRED’S PERFECT HAIR AND CAN DO ATTITUDE. I cannot.

Pffffffffffffffffffft, after finding a different would be beneficiary dismembered, the gang is splitting up to search for clues, and Dean’s teamed up with Daphne and Fred. Don’t lie, THIS is your real dream

Castiel, Shaggy, and Scooby on a team is ideal, though. It’s objectively the funniest

The comphet is real for Velma

I love them playing into old cartoon tropes like “object that will be used is colored differently than the rest” and then making Dean look like an idiot for trying to point it out

WHY DOES THAT BOOK OPEN A TRAP DOOR WITH CHUTES UNDERNEATH???

I’m so glad Dean gets to do the “running in and out of different rooms in one hallway while the theme song plays.”

Omg I thought they were actually about to kill off Shaggy…but does Scooby jumping out the window to save him disqualify Scoob from his inheritance?

No, instead, the boys shattered the Scooby gang’s reality by telling them that ghosts and vampires and demons are all real

I can’t wait for them to hand Shaggy a shotgun full of salt rounds….aww, damn. They won’t. Sam did try to give one to Velma, as though she wouldn’t lose her glasses and misfire

I take it all back. This is actually the BEST episode of supernatural. I keep laughing so hard I end up coughing, waking up and annoying Megumi

Why would the very real ghost fall through the trap door??

Only Castiel could get that take away from hanging out with Shaggy and Scooby

I love that Dean’s so happy that all this happened.

DEAN. You do not need to start wearing an ascot because it’s something Daphne likes in a man. You’re not gonna see her again

I can’t believe that they solved a real estate mystery in the real world that also had a real ghost

Of COURSE they said the meddling kids line but I was not expecting Jensen’s Scooby impression after it

Omg Sam and Cas’s reaction to Dean doing that. Like they could have ended the episode after Dean did that but it’s SO MUCH BETTER to have Sam embarrassed-ly ask Dean why he did that, have Dean explain that that’s how Scooby Doo episodes end, and have Cas remind him “Dean, you are not a talking dog”

Now, if I could rearrange things so this is what i would have watched on Halloween, I would…but I’m not doing this next year

[promotionsnahas]

Why cant you buy cube world

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD INSTALL#

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD PS4#

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD SIMULATOR#

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD DOWNLOAD#

Imagine the conventional experience playing Minecraft.

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD INSTALL#

In the left game bar, it will appear as if it were an uninstalled game.Our Blightfall Server Hosting has a simple one click install for over 1000 unique modpacks. My Steam Play Button is not available for the Planet Zoo game only. Which of the two games do you think is better for you personally and why?Īnimal Crossing Wild World for Nintendo DSĪnimal Crossing New Leaf for Nintendo 3DS? Steam play button gone? Is that possible somehow? Which is better: Animal Crossing Wild World or New Leaf? Ĭan I use this credit to buy games on Steam or the Epic Games Store? I got 25 euros credited to my Amazon account with a voucher. Thanks in advance! Possibility to shop with Amazon credit on Steam / Epic Games? But among the innovations there is also "character wipe"!? Does that mean now that my whole character will be deleted and all my money and the whole level is gone or what ? Now I have received an email from the game that a new phase of the closed beta will come and have written to me about the innovations, i.e. I have been playing a game that is in the closed beta for a month now. Nonetheless, I wanted to know whether that could also be due to the fact that I didn't pay this 50ct, but had the game through the closed beta. I already downloaded the game because of the beta and can also start it, but I keep getting a server error message, which is probably caused by the onslaught.

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD PS4#

What are your suggestions? Do I have to buy Planetside 2 on the PS4 even though I was there at the closed beta? Example games that I like are: Terraria, Astroneer, Minecraft, etc.

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD SIMULATOR#

I rather like adventure, open world, simulator and sandbox games, so more chill games. I wanted to know where or how I can buy cube world on their site it says "shop is currently closed" that has been there for ages, where can you get it from now? Which games do you recommend me?

#WHY CANT YOU BUY CUBE WORLD DOWNLOAD#

I got the closed beta from 1800 to test it, I still have to buy it on the relay day Cube World Download - Dead? Moin wanted to get me games from Epic Games and there is the possibility to pay with my Amazon credit.Could I now use amazon to buy vouchers at EPic games? Got anno 1800? If you know of other alternatives - out with them! : D Pay with Amazon? I want to look at a lot of different moba games and don't feel like waiting long until I finally see something from the game. So at Strife I ask myself whether it is already playable or is still in the closed beta where you can no longer get in. I came across Hereoes of the Storm (which is in the closed beta) and Strife via Google, which is apparently also new. I'm currently looking for a MOBA alternative to LoL and Dota2 (save yourself trying to stop me: D). It can be current games, but also games that are coming out soon. I mainly play a lot of multiplayer, but a good single player can also captivate me. In general, I like shooters, RPGs (but I'm very picky, I like Red Dead and Kingdom Come very much), open world games and survival games. Red Dead Redemption 2, Battlefield V, Minecraft, Kingdom Come: Deliverance, Valorant, CS: GO (something), Assassin's Creed: Syndicate and many more. I played / alluded to the following games and enjoyed myself: What are must-have video game titles to have on your PC? Do you have games that you can recommend to me that will be enjoyed for a long time? Open beta and a closed beta version for games? What is the difference between sandbox and open world games? Must have games for PC? What do you say? What is the exact difference between a. I think NEw world is better just because of the one-time payment but also the ingame thing. No, but I know the Korean film "New World"

[escapewriter]

soft light

request: Hi! Can you do oneshot where wonwoo's s/o is diagnosed with cancer but wonwoo's still clueless and they had a fight leaving wonwoo regret it, basically really angst, sad, maybe a little fluff from the flashback? the ending is up to tho! THANKS SO MUCH!<3

pairing : wonwoo x reader

genre : angst, slight fluff, kinda bittersweet, established relationship au

type : oneshot

wc : 2.2k (2204)

warnings : swearing, character has brain cancer, hospital scenes, mentions of cheating, rain storm

main masterlist || svt written masterlist

requests are open

You don’t remember much of how you got to where you were. Everything kept moving as your eyes blinked slowly, trying to process what was happening around you. But as the lights got brighter, your eyelids grew heavier, until they slowly closed and darkness engulfed you.

~ The evening glow cascaded through the curtain windows, a satisfied sigh passing your lips as you gazed at the sunset. You felt someone creep up behind you and wrap their arms around your form. You relax, loving the feeling of being embraced by someone you love.

“What are you doing?” His raspy voice whispers in your ear as you grin, silently signaling towards the beautiful picture outside the window. “The sunset?” You hum in response, turning your body so you can wrap your arms around your boyfriend.

“I could get used to this.” You move your head to look at Wonwoo, his eyes already on you.

“Good, because you’re not going anywhere.” ~

Your eyes snapped open, the heart monitor beeping in time with your fast heartbeat. People with white lab coats and scrubs rushed in, speaking to you in attempts to calm you down, but you could hear nothing. The only sound heard was the ringing in your ear, the ones you get when you stand up too fast or fall down and hit your head.

You opened your mouth, desperate to speak, to say something to someone, but there was nothing. You felt vulnerable. And you hated that, which is why you refused to receive treatment after the news of having brain cancer.

Medical professionals have offered multiple options, none of which mentioned a high chance of survival. At that point, you had lost all faith and decided to refuse treatment and to spend the rest of your days with the people you love. You thought that maybe now was your time to go, except you didn’t want to.

Your head fell back into the pillow, eyes staring at the ceiling as nurses and doctors cared for you. With blurry and darkening vision, your uneven breathing gradually slowed steady.

~ Heading to your boyfriend’s apartment, you had a heavy heart. Your mind has been completely occupied with the fact that just before going over, you were at the hospital declining any treatment from the doctors. It broke your heart knowing that you’ll have to keep this from Wonwoo, the man who thinks the world of you.

You approach his front door and before even having the chance to knock, it swings open, Wonwoo pulling you into the bright room and giving you the tightest hug.

This. This is something you never want to forget.

You wrap your arms around him, kicking the door shut behind you. You inhale, taking in the scent of his lotion. He lets go for a moment before capturing your lips into a feverish kiss. You melt immediately and relax, eyes shutting as you deepen it. He pulls away, leaving you in a haze as he laughs.

“Hi baby.” You smile at him.

“What’s gotten into you today Wonwoo? You’re more affectionate than usual.” You walk past him and into the living room. You plop on the couch, your mind only focused on Wonwoo as he approached where you sat.

“Can’t I just show affection to the person I love?” You giggle as he sits next to you and cackles you down on the soft cushions. His head lay on your chest as he hummed in satisfaction. “Can we nap like this?”

“I just got here Wonwoo,” you whispered as you began to thread your fingers through his hair, “I came here only for us to nap? I could have stayed at home.” You roll your eyes in fake annoyance before grinning down at him as he scowls up at you.

“It’s not the same, babe. Sure you could nap at home, but I wouldn’t be there. It’s better to have napping sessions together.” He holds onto you tighter, as if he feared you would slip away at any moment.

“Fair point Jeon Wonwoo, you win this time.” You release the strands of hair before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as the two of you drift off into a deep sleep. ~

Wonwoo didn’t know what to think as he sat in the waiting room at the hospital. So many thoughts ran through his mind, thinking that he was the cause of you ending up on that bed. He didn’t know that the argument you two had just a few hours prior would have led to this. He would have never made you go home in the rain.

He runs his fingers through his hair, pulling at the strands before hearing a doctor call your name. He immediately rises to his feet, approaching the man in the white coat.

“Are you the guardian?”

Wonwoo gulps, trying to keep his composure. “Uh, no, I’m the, um, boyfriend. Their parents live out of the country.” The doctor nods in understanding as he signals Wonwoo with his hand to follow him.

“Well, did you happen to see them before they were found passed out on the sidewalk in the rain?” Wonwoo looks down, ashamed of what he’s done. He nods slowly in response, a single tear dropping. “Hey, it’s okay,” the doctor pats his back as an act of comfort, “things happen.” They stop in front of your door, your room number slightly visible from the dimly lit hallway.

The doctor looks at Wonwoo and speaks with concern laced in his voice. “Before we head in, I think you should try to convince them about the treatment.”

Wonwoo shakes his head in confusion, asking with worry, “I’m sorry, treatment? What treatment are you talking about?” He sees the doctor's reaction, already putting the pieces together as he lets out a groan of frustration, leaning against the wall and placing his hands on his knees. Wonwoo didn’t even need to ask the doctor to know.

“Brain cancer. It’s a low chance but not too low. It won’t hurt to try. Yes it is a lot of work, but with the medical team we have, they will be able to push through with it.” Wonwoo couldn’t answer, all he could do was nod as more tears slipped down his cheeks. “Think about this for a bit, because I believe in them, and I’m sure you do as well.” The doctor opens the door slightly for Wonwoo, “They’re sleeping, but they probably wanted to see you.”

Wonwoo glances in the dark room, taking in your peaceful face before turning away. He looks at the doctor, finally standing up straight. “I didn’t get your name, sorry.”

The man smiled softly, extending his hand out, “Dr. Lee Jihoon.” They both shake hands, greeting each other politely.

“Jeon Wonwoo.” Wonwoo looks back into the room, an unknown feeling in his stomach. “I don’t know if I should go in there,” he looks down in shame, “I don’t deserve to see them after kicking them out.”

~ “Wonwoo will you please calm down for a moment. We need to relax before we talk.” You sat on the couch, watching your boyfriend pace in the living room, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“How the fuck am I supposed to calm down when I see a man hugging you after walking you to your front door?” His voice was loud, and he had every right to be mad because it didn look bad on your end, but you needed to explain before it got out of hand.

“Baby, please listen to me explain—”

“Don’t call me that, not now.” He sighs as he stops pacing, his back facing towards you.

He didn’t know that you had gone to the hospital prior to your date due to a massive headache. Jun, who was a nurse at that hospital, had escorted you home because you had no form of transportation except walking. His job was to make sure you got home safe, and he has multiple times which resulted in a friendship blooming. Jun only hugged you as a form of comfort because you were stressed out about the fact that the cancer had grown, which caused the headache.

You had no intention of telling Wonwoo because you knew he would be worried and would want to walk you himself. The only problem was explaining the story. If you lied, and he knows when you do, it would make everything worse.

“Answer me honestly,” you look at Wonwoo as he turns around, eyes glossy, “are you cheating on me?” You stood up, eyes now slowly brimming with tears in fear of him not believing you.

“Of course not Wonwoo. Please, let me just explain.” He scoffs at you, not knowing what to think or believe. You reach out for his hand only for him to avoid you before you touch him.

“I think you should leave.” You widen your eyes, hoping that you probably misheard him. He makes eye contact with you for the first time, the once bright room turning dim as the rain storm rolled in. “Get out.” ~

“Wonwoo, I can not have a say in what happened this evening, but I do know that people forgive.” Jihoon rubs the man's back, hoping that maybe it will give him the courage to go in there. “I know you must feel terrible, but they need you right now.”

He looks into the room again, the clouds from the storm slowly moving away as the light from the sunset begins to shine in through the window. “Thank you Dr. Lee.” He nods before walking away to care for other patients.

Wonwoo leans against the doorframe for a moment, your limp body on the bed and various tubes attached to it. It was a tough sight to see. He closes the door softly behind him and walks over to the side of the bed. He sits down on the chair, his hand coming up and hesitantly grabs your hand. He brings it up, kissing your palm and leans his forehead against it as tears fall down his face.

He should have known something was wrong. All those days you felt sick or had a headache, he should have known. He was angry, not at you, but at himself. He understands why you never told him, it was something serious and you were probably scared. Your parents moved out of the country and you were left here to care for yourself.

Wonwoo vowed to never make you think that you have to be the only one to care for yourself or to think that you were alone in this because you’re not; you have him. And he makes a promise to himself and you that he will never leave your side.

He sharply inhales as he lifts up his head. He looks at you, your eyes now open and looking at him. He didn’t know what to say and just let his tears fall.

You smile weakly, squeezing his hand. “You’re here.”

His breath is shaky, gluping before he responds. “I’m here, baby. I’m so sorry—”

You cut him off before he goes on a tangent about how this could possibly be his fault. “Wonwoo stop. It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.” It broke your heart watching the man you love cry because you simply didn’t take care of yourself.

He whispers, calming down a bit. “I know, but I should have never kicked you out when there was a storm.” You squeeze his hand again, silently telling him that it was okay.

You scooted over in the bed, tapping the empty spot next to you. He looks in concern, “Are you sure I won’t hurt you?” You nod as he slowly gets up and lays next to you, his arm wrapping around your body and you cuddle close to him.

You lay in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other's presence once again. Wonwoo breaks that silence, asking you the question that you knew would have to come sooner or later. “Are you really not going to take the treatment?”

You sigh, shaking your head. “Why should I when I have a low chance of surviving? I would be wasting people's time and so much money.”

Wonwoo instinctively holds you tighter, as he thinks about his next words. “You’re missing the big picture, baby. It may be a low chance, but it is still a chance,” he moves a bit to look into your eyes, “I believe that you will survive. You wanna know why?” You roll your eyes, and grin at him. “Because, you are the strongest person I know. And I will be here by your side the entire time, and I need you to know that you will never be alone going through this.”

Your eyes slowly well up, not knowing what to say to your boyfriend as he kisses your cheek. He looks at you, wiping away a stray tear with his free hand. “What do you say, baby?”

The soft light from the sunset shines on your faces. You beam at him, now realizing you weren’t ready to end your story with Wonwoo. “Let’s go kick some cancer ass.”

[supersquiddy]

Correct me if I’m wrong, but did the movie basically say Kaworu’s fixation on Shinji was “wrong” and then have Shinji get with Mari and Kaworu get with Rei at the end? I don’t get why they put so many romantic connotations in kawoshin just to say homo bad, het good.

Hi! For me personally, I saw things a bit different. Yes, Kaworu did say he misunderstood Shinji's happiness. Yes, Kaji said that it was Kaworu's happiness Kaworu wanted. But he also said that Kaworu wanted Shinji's happiness to make himself happy. I don't think this is necessarily a condemnation of Kaworu's actions. It seems like if Shinji was happy, he was happy, he just had to make Shinji happy. But he didn't know how. He assumed what Shinji needed to be happy. And yes, it is wrong to assume what someone needs, but Kaworu really doesn't know what else to do. From my understanding, in 3.33, Kaworu's understanding of what Shinji needed to be happy was that Shinji needed to pilot again. They needed the spears to reverse the damage Shinji did to the world. However, things didn't go as planned. It was actually a trap. Kaworu thought Shinji's happiness would be found in an Eva again but he was wrong. That's why in 3+1, Kaworu apologizes to Shinji about misunderstanding his happiness when Evas were brought up.

And it's a lot like real life, some people want to help another person but they don't ask the person what they really need. They just do what they think is right for the person. They are wrong but they aren't bad people (usually) for it.

Personal example: I have a friend who I love to bits. He's pretty much the Shinji to my Kaworu (platonically.) There have be plenty of times when I felt so similar to him. (The "I'm you. I'm just like you." line from Kaworu hit me so hard cause I thought about how I felt about my friend.) I'm always trying to help him, trying my best to help him be happy because that makes me happy to. Especially since I feel so similar to him, it's like I'm giving myself the help I never got. But oftentimes, I project my own ideas of what it means to be happy on him instead of concidering what he wants. It isn't out of malicious intent, it's just comes from the strong desire to help him. But it isn't right. So Kaworu's scene hit home to me and I got it cause I experienced it in a way.

I personally don't think that since the movie said he misunderstood what Shinji wanted, doesn't necessarily mean he was a bad person. I think the movie was just trying to flaw him like all the other characters since Kaworu is, compared to the main cast, pretty flawless. However I wish they did a better job since I've seen many people disappointed or confused about this choice. I wasn't bothered by it at all because I related to it. Hopefully my rambles make sense to you!

Now to address the other part of your ask! What was that ending? To keep it short, I believe that these "pairings" aren't set in stone. Mari and Shinji did flirt with each other but does that 100% mean they are dating? Not exactly. Rei and Kaworu were seen standing and talking next to each other, does that mean they are dating? Not exactly. One thing I've noticed that is sometimes lost in online discussion is interpretation. Not everything we watch has a set meaning. You and I can watch the same thing and have wildly different takes from it, and that's perfectly fine. Everyone won't always agree what they feel or think a piece of media has to say. As far as I know, Anno did not come out and confirm it himself that Shinji and Mari are dating and that Kaworu and Rei are dating. So it's all up to how you interpret their relationship. Some might see it as purely romantic, some might see it as purely platonic, they are both interpretations that can work. I think it's interesting at least that Shinji and Mari are shown on one side of the track. While Askua, Kaworu, and Rei are shown on the other. They are all, I asume, dead. But Mari was able to retrieve Shinji. So it's the classic one side has the living, the other side of the tracks have the dead visualization. I have nowhere to go with that but I just wanted to point it out.

I find it also interesting that they showed Kaworu and Rei next to each other. This movie compared Kaworu to Gendo. Kaworu is determined to make Shinji happy just as much as Gendo is determined to see Yui again, and they both fail to make things go as planned. So very interesting things can be taken from seeing Kaworu and Rei together. Since they are representations of Shinji's parents, they could be dating. (I don't believe that but I'm trying to show that things can be interpreted in different ways.) Or, if you want to go the more "deep route", they are important halves to Shinji's whole. Kind of like you are half one of your parents and half the other. (Very lose explainion of genetics but you see what I'm saying???) I'm not saying that they literally ARE his parents, but are halves of Shinji similar to how one is "half" their parents. Think about in EOE. First when Kaworu was another part of giant Rei. And then that part where Rei and Kaworu were with Shinji, helping him decide between humanity and Instrumentality. Shinji asks "what are the two of you within my heart?" Rei responds that "We are the hope that people will one day be able to understand each other." And Kaworu says "We are the words, "I love you."" Shinji just wanted to be understood and loved. However, Shinji says it is just a pretense, just a claim. But that isn't important to dive into for the point I'm making. Kaworu and Rei are reflections of what Shinji desires. And it's a decent thematic choice to have them resemble his parents in 3+1 the since they are halves of Shinji's heart that makes up his whole. Shinji's WHOLE character is driven by the desire to understand, but how? He is driven to be loved, but how? Kaworu and Rei reflect that.

All of that to say that there are a lot of things you can take from just the little bit of information. I wasn't fond of the ending but it didn't make me feel like the movie was saying that straight was good and gay was bad. HOWEVER, I do not fault you at all for seeing it like that. Because, on the surface it really does look like that....it really does. Both Kaworu and Mari are queer coded and seemly put in het relationships. But in Evangelion, things aren't always what they look on the surface. There is so much you can take from one scene, there are different ways to read what you're presented. I can't pretend to know Anno and his intentions for the Rebuilds, especially this one, but I don't believe he wanted things to be so cut and dry.

As you can see, I'm very passionate about this!!! Hopefully what I said made a lick of sense. And if not, please Anon ask me to clarify some things. Or maybe you want to challenge what I said! Which is cool too. Eva is a series I really love and I learned quickly that you got to realize that not everything is as it seems in the show.

I'll leave you with this: Remember that Kaworu and Shinji's names are written in the Book of Life. They are bound to meet each other over and over again. Being linked that way is pretty romantic. I'm with you Anon, kawoshin has so much potential that was seemingly shattered by this movie. But there are still some beautiful albeit brief moments between the two.

[pepepetos]

(This is specifically ABOUT 3.0+1.0, NOT 3.0, or NGE) 

Spoilers ahead

I have to wonder how eva’s japanese LGBT audience feels like after this movie. After 8 entire fucking years of khara putting out kawoshin merch NON-STOP, insinuating through interviews that kawoshin COULD be good for each other (really, it was only a matter of setting healthy boundaries if the looping was the only thing keeping kaworu attached to Shinji/sacrificing himself to cope with his fate), only for 3.0+1.0 to shoot it down in three minutes tops of exposition and not even allow room for ambiguity. I would believe that kawoshin was only a matter of a tragedic pair that could never be if it wasn’t for the fact that:

* Gendo is compared to Kaworu in the sense that both of them were lonely, played piano (yes, they really went there) and only had Yui/Shinji in the world. The idea is that both of them were dependent on their respective partners to somehow bring them happiness. So what is Gendo rewarded with, in shin eva? After abandoning, neglecting, abusing his own son, being mainly responsible for the state of the world and harming billions of innocents? He’s redeemed through a sob story and gets to be reunited with Yui. In other words, Gendo’s obsessiveness is remunerated with the same person he became dependent on, but Kaworu/Shinji have no choice but to separate indefinitely.

>Lovers committing double suicide believed that they would be united again in heaven, a view supported by feudal teaching in Edo period Japan, which taught that the bond between two lovers is continued into the next world, and by the teaching of Pure Land Buddhism wherein it is believed that through double suicide, one can approach rebirth in the Pure Land.

(this has not been confirmed canon, but god forbid the implications that the Gendo/Yui scene could have)

(Shinji and Kaworu don’t even get to stay as friends in the Neon Genesis, because the message is that Anno (Shinji) bid farewell to all of the eva characters and his relationship with them, for good. That’s why they go their opposite ways in the last train scene)

* Not to mention the wlw baiting with Asuka & Mari (Kaworu/Shinji parallels were even used in the promotional material to suggest that they had a bond akin to theirs), that also added up to nothing bc ig gay ppl only serve as Marketing Tools lol.

* Kaworu might be coupled with Rei in the “Neon Genesis”. Kaworu is a character that throughout the years (in spin-offs, drama CDs, magazines, you name it) has been portrayed as having little romantic/sexual interest in women and thus had been established as a more gay coded/leaning character to the audience/fans. “He could be bi/pan!” do you really think that this was not a decision made out of convenience because they didn’t want to commit to him being exclusively mlm?

Any traces of Shinji’s/Mari’s/Kaworu’s and even Maya’s queerness are as good as gone by the end of the film. Finito. This goes WAY beyond “omg we know your ship didn’t become canon but that doesn’t mean it’s queerbaiting!!” This is straight up 25 years that amounted to NOTHING but picking people’s pockets for profit and selling out the narrative that gay relationships are temporary and adults eventually settle down for the opposite sex (actual belief in the conservative parts of japan). How ppl are blind to this as if it has nothing to do with khara’s potential views on lgbt relationships is beyond me.

[generous1ty]

Could I get Makoto Naegi and Nagito Komaeda (separately) with an S/O who is the Ultimate Despair? Like, has Junko's title, but would never harm them because she loves them, and will absolutely give it up if they asked her to?

hihi! two requests with the same prompt...how exciting!

apologies to the second anon-- i don't write for DRv3 characters yet, as i haven't finished watching it, so i’ll only be doing Makoto and Nagito.

if you’d like for me to do Shuichi + Kokichi, 2nd anno, send in a request when i announce i can write for V3!

thanks for requesting! lots of love. <3

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Makoto and Nagito with an SHSL Despair!S/O

genre: angst warnings: gn!reader, kidnapping(?) mentions, swearing, spoilers for DR:THH chapter 6 and DR:GBD chapter 4-6, these are also really long oops

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Makoto Naegi

Makoto is conflicted, to say the least.

i mean, he spent all this time with you-- you both got to know each other and you helped him investigate! so, how could someone like you be... so terrible?

during the last trial, he really didn’t want to admit it. he didn’t want to accuse you despite all the evidence that pointed to you.

“n-no! this has to be wrong!” he could feel the hot tears swelling in his eyes, hands trembling from the fear, “we-- we must have missed something-- we have to had missed something!”

you only smiled as he sobbed at his stand, all the others-- Byakuya, Toko, Aoi, Kyoko, even Yasuhiro-- glaring at you as you grinned.

“please... please, it’s not true!”

despite the protests of everyone, Makoto had stopped you from executing yourself, bringing you outside with them.

more so, you convinced him to bring you outside with them. the expression on Makoto’s face was delicious in your opinion, and you really didn’t want to not witness it when it happened again.

well, that and you really, truly did care for him. losing Makoto would be true despair! so you simply stuck around and waited for that to happen.

you caused havoc and despair-- i mean, of course you did. you were the Ultimate Despair after all. after dragging Makoto away from the Future Foundation, you had him hostage in a place not even those Foundation Fucks could find.

the room you shared with the small brunette was definitely not small. things catered for his needs-- books, paper, pens, and really, almost anything he asked for. he was allowed to roam the residence you both had(but he could never find the exit, the place is like a maze) and you fed and clothed him. what more could you possibly need?

he always questioned you when you came back into the room, “why..?! why do you keep doing this?! please, i can-- i can fix this! you just need to let me go..! i know there’s good in you, [Y/n].. please...”

you always tell him the same response, “maybe i’m conditioning you to become even stronger after i die,” you’d prod his hope, “until then, i’m going to give you the best of me i can!”

eventually, you’d be defeated. you knew that. so before that happens, you want to spend as much time with Makoto as possible. whether it be through hope, or despair.

“uh oh! seems like your Future Fu-- Buddies found me!” you giggled, a manic laugh erupting from your lungs.

you gave him one last kiss before you left, leaving him speechless as he tried to run after you, “w-wAIT! [Y/N] PLEASE--”

“Makoto,” before the door had closed, you gave him that smile he always loved to stare at, “I do hope we meet again someday-- in another life, perhaps?”

if he hadn’t seen your corpse sitting in the hallway to the exit with a small, content smile, he would have mourned a lot more than he already had.

“another life...” he held a keepsake of yours in his hands, “..definitely.”

Nagito Komaeda

the funhouse could have been the worst thing to happen to Nagito, and he truly believed that.

with the type of despair he felt now, he could only hope to overcome it with extremely good luck. if that luck isn’t this book full of profiles to be fake, he’s not sure what to do.

the fourth trial is.. tough, to say the least. he’s perplexed, a heavy weight is put upon his chest, as well as this feeling of... disbelief.

you couldn’t-- no. of course not! the book must surely have been lying! but... why would Monokuma need to lie about those kinds of things?

he spills. he can’t contain it anymore-- even if he wanted to. he wanted to help you, he wanted to keep this a secret for your sake.

however, his mouth won’t stop running. he wants to stop, he really does, but he can’t. he can’t. why can’t he stop? it’s not true-- it’s not true!

even if Hajime being a reserve course student was shocking, the reveal of you, the person who had indefinitely helped both Hajime and Nagito-- everyone in their times of need, being the Ultimate Despair..? isn’t that absolutely absurd?

all 7 students on different stands wanted to deny it, but the look in your eyes really explained everything.

and truly, ah... truly, Nagito felt what ultimate despair was really like.

both you and Nagito were outcasted from everyone else-- that much was obvious enough. even Nagito avoided you...and honestly, it was kind of exhilarating!

despite Nagito trying to be discreet, he really wasn’t. you knew his plans to blow up the hotel, to reveal the traitor(which obviously seemed to be you), and yet... the traitor was Chiaki!

oh how you laughed while everyone mourned.

when you all had finally left the Neo World Program, you were the last to wake up-- if it wasn’t obvious enough.

no one wanted you to wake up, or even help you regain consciousness. it was cruel of them, but you supposed it was fair since you did brainwash them into becoming human killing machines.

you were put under surveillance 24/7, since you obviously couldn’t be trusted alone. lucky for you, your watchman was Nagito! you’d talk about a lot of things to him, but you’d get no response.

the sinking feeling in your chest would not dissipate despite talking to the one person who would listen. every time he would ignore you and your attempts to get along with him, somehow a pang would pain your chest. it was terrifying yet surreal.

either way, you’d be executed. there was no way the Future Freaks would let you live after what you’ve done. the troubles with your companion wouldn’t matter soon, because you’d be out of his way soon enough. the feeling had made you shiver in pleasure.

“I really do love you, Nagito.” were the last words you told him before you were never seen again.

from then on, he never knew why, but it always felt like something was missing when he passed your old room.

he supposed he missed you more than he thought.. he laughed, brows furrowing in confusion as he finally cried because of your absence.

“I guess I love you, too.”

[mingmingfufu]

Can we just talk about the ending of KawoShin open discuss. *sort of spoilerish*

I feel like I’m the only one who’s like reallly disappointed LMFAO--ya’ll there’s so much “canon” alternative universe and merchandise for Kawoshin in Evangelion that it kind of makes me upset to realise this couple just went down the drain. Yeah, I can see how people were like, “Kaworu’s toxic” or “Kaworu has a hero complex for Shinji” to which I say are valid points. But the toxic thing I feel like can also be applied to pretty much everyone around Shinji tbh, except for Rei. I did NOT, like Asuka at all but I really love her character though, and I felt for her a lot throughout the series.

I did not ship them either because honestly, Shinji and Asuka seemed better off playing the sibling dynamic instead of trying to play bf/gf which honestly is kind of forced by their living situation. Also since they’re in a similar disposition non existent father and dead mother, you’d imagine they would rely on each other for emotional comfort. Though Asuka—her personality I feel like she can’t differentiate between familial love and romantic love and the affection she wants is a bit of both. But, her character tries to be “mature”; she wants romantic love more and does this through sexual means and romantic gestures e.g. like kissing. One of my friends told me that you can’t stay friends as a boy and a girl cause eventually you catch feelings. Which I say is kinda dumb cause I have a lot of male friends, and I definitely don’t harbour those feelings, but I guess it’s a common phenomena.

I think this is what happens in this case, of Asuka and Shinji. Even after rejection of instrumentality they actually are depicted as childhood friends. But knowing how they both were before to each other, it was not good tbh. Also to mention the choking like thrice— bro if anything, this showcases a really abusive relationship and I think this outstretches the idea of their character tropes. Which I firmly stand by saying they’re superficial to each other. AsuShin were never really there for each other and are using each other in a forced situation. However, you can’t deny that they didn’t at some point catch feels, also Shinji is pretty consistent how he still cares about everyone around him. Which I really like how they add that to his character because it reminiscent of Yui, because you see a duality of both his parents personality in Shinji throughout the series—it’s a really nice touch. But bruh, if we gonna talk about that coma scene—I’m out LOL.

Thoughhhh, she is a true definition of best girl I really like her arc, fighting drive, and her skills as an Eva pilot 😭💗--but bruh she’s still a toxic and sometimes annoying tsundere trope, but still she’s 14 what can you do. So I feel like Kensuke and Asuka are actually a pretty good combo, cause he’s always been pretty mature even without parents. Also Asuka was into older guys, so I guess this is a win win?? Also Rei and Shinji, I honestly cannot get my head around it cause that’s pretty much his mom—so in a way that’s like either his half-sister or mom-ish clone?? Idk but Yui is definitely the donor LOL.

Kaworu and Shinji I felt like brought a bunch of things out of each other. I don’t know which timeline begins first, but I’d like to think the manga, the anime (plus its movies), and then to the rebuild series. Because I think that order is kind of pivotal to observing Kaworu’s character development from being a person who’s trying to understand human feelings to then the kinder person we see in the final series. You can tell how he’s changed and he knows Shinji a lot more as well as being considerate to him e.g. giving him personal space or letting him work at his own pace. Also that “we’ll meet again.” Is an obvious nod to how he’s done this before.

His literal story in every timeline is always romantic LOL, like bruh I can’t remember which game it was but basically a bad ending of Kawoshin route is that you reject Kaworu and he starts the third impact 🤡. Also I don’t know why but I started to see a weird dynamic between those two, in the manga their interactions reminded me of Asuka and Shinji—which Shinji is the tsundere Asuka here. I don’t know if this is relevant but the older character relative to the character they’re with seems to play off a mature vs a childish person trope. Asuka is younger than Shinji and Shinji is actually younger than Kaworu. Then again I could be overseeing this but istg manga Kaworu and Shinji mirror the whole Asushin dynamic. Like he’s seriously agressive against Kaworu, then after killing him he admits liking him. 🤡 I don’t know which is funnier no homo Shinji, homophobe shinji, or just closet Shinji who needs to realise sexuality is a spectrum so he could’ve idk—come out as bisexual, but whatever manga Shinji lol that timeline is over.

Anyways the development of these two is real and I think the rebuild timeline shows them at their best bringing their own personage out from each other like how they both enjoy music together--WHICH I’M SO SAD WE NEVER GET TO SEE THAT CELLO AGAIN. Then there’s those feelings of humanity, love, kindness, etc. Which yeah an angel could represent those things, but Kaworu is still his own person, self-aware of a cycle and if you think about how he initially was there to USE Shinji, but ultimately turned on that plan set by SEELE because he loved Shinji (and a bunch of other things like him showing Kaworu humanity). I also can see the argument, how “ideal” Kaworu is to Shinji, but he’s more self aware of the time he has before he KNOWS he’ll die and knows how to act for himself in that duration to make the most of it. All with Shinji. At some point, I think he fell in love with Shinji tho I don’t know where it began tbh—considering that all those alternate universes do exist. Kaworu does romantically love Shinji--so, in some universe they both reciprocate their feelings to each other. 

In the last movie during that convo with Shinji. Like bREH it’s so emotionally moving because Kaworu remembers ALLLLL the timelines and how he’s been with Shinji and later Shinji himself recalls the events too. Where they show the scene from the manga and anime. Kaworu cries after being set free from the EVA cycle. Which, I definitely understood what he meant by him saying “it’ll be lonely” and how Shinji changed or that he’s actually different this time.

Either way, Shinji did right by him because it’s always Kaworu who has the purpose of “trying to save Shinji” but it always ends up the same. I thought that was really moving because Shinji tells Kaworu he’s gonna let him live a life for himself for once and he wants the same for everyone as well. Which was honestly so meaningful cause I think Kaworu’s character and like Rei too when they start to realise how to “live” like a person and not another puppet it’s truly liberating. Another thing I forgot, bruh Kaworu calls Gendo his father and ngl I feel like this is kind of a weird lore situation because I for sure don’t think he’s the donor. I think he calls him that as an insult because he knows Gendo’s whole doing and relative to Shinji—I kind of see it as a joke LOL. Like it’s equivalent to saying, “daddy chill”, or “hey look it’s daddy and his plans to end the world” also I kind of like to think of it as a father in law thing cause you know, Kawoshin *winks amirite*

The ending, I’m honestly hoping is just an open ending because it gives everything an actual start of their adult lives not being dictated by extraterrestrial forces. Though, I’m kind of wondering if the world doesn’t have EVAs does that still mean everyone else still has the same backstory, and do they remember? Maybe Mari really is just a coworker lmfao, and there’s still a chance for Kaworu and Shinji cause ngl, they did have a convo (presumably from the spoilers) about still remaining close afterwards and that stare at the ending seems very hopeful.

I call bs from Anno saying, “oh Shinji is based off him and Mari off of his wife”, like honestly any OCs made theres always some part of yourself made into that character. Which is probably why a lot of people relate to the characters in EVA because they’re based off real things (e.g. those war machines characters are named after and people around them). I think why Kaworu and Rei are together at the end, is bc they’re very much the same. They’re mass produced dolls—which oddly enough that’s the case for all the children except they don’t recall the loop. Kind of funny also how both Kaworu and Rei became farmers lmfao so ig it runs in the family (yes that’s right I like the idea that they’re siblings it was always noted that they’re like “the same”).

Another thing, i think why the rebuild really did well for Kawoshin and in my opinion canonised it—the convo with elder Ryoji Kaji (Misato’s baby daddy) that there was a time he felt incredibly lonely and depressed thinking Misato didn’t love him and so he started looking out for himself. So self love and found himself a hobby in farming which he suggests to Kaworu—basically saying he might feel like Shinji doesn’t love him but he’s gotta remember to take care of himself. if I go thru a breakup ill feel like it’s the end of the world but Kaji says y’a gotta self love broe and take care yo self gad dam fam 😭 💗.

Though, that look at the end from Shinji to Kaworu—I’d like to believe there is still hope that one day when they’re a bit stable in their adult lives, they��ll run into each other.

[popwasabi]

“End of Evangelion” and the tempting nature of oblivion

(TW: Suicide, Self-harm, Pain, Depression, Mental Health, Death)

“End of Evangelion” is a perplexing movie to say the least.

Not that the original classic anime “Neon Genesis Evangelion” series ends on exactly the most conclusive note itself, but “End” takes everything that transpired in the series and literally destroys it.

The films ends with Earth experiencing the long foreshadowed Third Impact and all of the planet returning to the primordial “soup,” as fans call it, with its main protagonist Shinji Ikari and comrade Asuka Langley Soryu as the only remaining humans left. A pseudo, twisted rebeginning of Adam and Eve’s Genesis.

The film is fairly divisive among the fans to say the least. Some fans consider it a masterpiece for its nihilistic tone and mind-bending illustrations of body horror and others despised it for being too dark and confusing with no clear explanation of anything that happened in the film’s events. Hell, even the movie’s fans have a difficult time explaining what exactly happens in the narrative.

I was somewhat in the middle with it after I watched it the first time not super long ago. It was certainly abstract, and I like plenty of stories that don’t make it easy for me to understand. The animation is definitely the franchise’s best and I enjoyed the character moments between Shinji, Asuka, and Misato. But it was also, as stated before, dreadfully confusing and still to this day hard to makes heads or tails out of with its plot.

But, as with more than a few movies I have revisited this year, 2020 helped me contextualize one aspect I think the story is concretely trying to get across.

(We’ll save discussion of “Rebuild” for another day...)

At my lowest points not long ago, I had this frequent vision that would crawl across my mind.

I imagined being up in the clouds on a beautiful sunny day, but I wasn’t floating or flying. I was plummeting, falling like a bird without wings at a speed that would definitely kill me once I got to the ground. But I never imagined actually hitting the Earth like a meat-bagged, human sized asteroid. I only ever imagined the falling part. The wind reaching a terminal velocity and the air rushing past my body and you know what look I had on my face?

Happiness.

I was confused a bit by why I kept imagining this moribund fall into oblivion over and over again. I wasn’t suicidal, though I certainly have had thoughts of self-harm plenty of times before and general detachment from life. But why the fuck was I so happy? I’m about to die after all!

What I have come to realize in recent years, as I’ve developed a better understanding of my mental health and what makes me tick, it wasn’t that I wanted to die so much as I wanted the freedom that comes moments before it. The feeling of finally letting go and letting fate/gravity do the rest.

Years of my life failing at various aspects of societal expectations and career obligations from not being able to get the girls I wanted to date so badly, relationships ending poorly, not quite applying myself the way I should’ve in college, and working a plethora of unfulfilling jobs since graduation made me yearn for that release. Just that feeling of saying “fuck it all” and giving in to the void.

I wanted to stop feeling out of control. The way the world is structured often feels like you are on a wild, rapid river flowing in one very stark direction but you desperately want to go the other way. You keep fighting and fighting it and realize after a while you are just swimming in place, you tire out and either float where the river wants you to go or you drown. I wanted neither of those things, I just wanted control and unfortunately part of life is accepting that a very large percentage of it is beyond your power to alter.

2020 made this feeling starkly apparent once again as we were hit with a once in a lifetime global pandemic that has killed 2.21 million people and counting. As common people struggle to find ways to handle the loss of loved ones and the fallout from economic instability those tasked with protecting us have more or less ignored the cries of needy. Hell, they’re fucking miffed that we would even have the audacity to ask for $2000 of our own fucking tax dollars to put a band-aid on the situation. Combine this with an extremely volatile two-party system and late stage capitalism, we are about as out of control as ever in terms of how much we actually can course correct our destinies in a period like this.

It is why so many irony-pilled millennials and gen z-ers are posting dank memes about meteors colliding with the earth over the course of the year. We’ve lived through two recessions, two forever wars, and now a pandemic in our lifetimes while paying off our crippling debt with slave wages and yet boomers still wonder why we are near universally depressed as a generation.

(Seriously, everybody needs a fucking therapist right now...and also to dismantle the fucking system that’s making us depressed!)

This is what I feel is the real heart of “End of Evangelion.” The movie is a lot of things, obviously, but, after the events of this year and looking back on the more depressing parts of my life, I feel this film is about the tempting nature of oblivion. Giving up when things are clearly beyond your control so you can get that sweet but twisted, fleeting sense of freedom from it all.

Director Hideaki Anno didn’t feel too entirely different about the state of life when he made this series and certainly by the time he made “End” he was in a very dark place.

So, quick history lesson, “Neon Genesis Evangelion” debuted in 1994 and quickly became a classic among fans of anime and the giant mech vs monster genre. Critics loved it for its exploration of mental health and depression and of course plenty enjoyed the hell out of it for its giant monster/robot escapism as well. Fast forward to the conclusion of the series, critics and fans especially are far more polarized. I won’t try to explain exactly what happens in the ending and frankly I don’t think anyone can, but that confusion led to quite a bit of outcry by the fans.

Hideaki Anno, the series’ director, received tons of hate mail and death threats following the series conclusion. The fans hated how abstract it was, how it had an undecisive ending and chose to dive into the mind of Shinji instead of conclusively describing the events of the Third Impact with plenty going as far as to say he had “ruined” his own series for them. This made him unfortunately quite depressed himself over the ending he felt creatively fairly content with.

(I think it should be clear who Shinji is mostly likely a stand-in for in this anime...)

The fan reaction was toxic to say the least and all too familiar for many creatives who didn’t adequately satisfy the insatiable vapid needs of their fandom. Anno did not take this well to put it lightly. A man who was known as a delinquent in high school and expelled from the Osaka University of Arts much earlier in his life, and dealt plenty with his own bouts of depression, Anno had plenty of his own demons to sort out and quite clearly wanted to explore that mental state in “Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

I’ll be honest and say that I myself was not fond of the ending either when I watched it the first time as a freshman in college, and even went as far as to describe it as everything that was wrong with anime to friends in the years that followed for a while. I felt it was confusing and “fake deep,” existential for no reason other than because it just wanted to and people were “dumb” if they liked it.

When I rewatched it again as a much older adult when it came on Netflix last year, I found it much more fascinating and interesting. A sort of abstract introspective into the mind of a troubled teenager, who I had written off many years prior as a “whiny baby.” Though I wouldn’t say I completely understand it still, I get it much more now and I think it has a lot to say about depression and mental health.

Unfortunately, most fans did not have that reaction back then and as a result Anno made his true conclusion “End of Evangelion” as a response to that negativity.

(You’re welcome, nerds.)

As mentioned before, “End of Evangelion” is an extremely nihilistic film that seems to one up each dark moment as you traverse its spiraling narrative. It’s a film where things never get better. If you go into it blind expecting that big last minute heroic save the day moment, it’s always teased and never comes. Things just end very badly for everyone. Nobody gets a “happy ending.”

While the ending to the original series is strange for sure, it does end on a light note that can be interpreted in a number of different ways but ultimately positive. With the way fans reacted to it Anno decided to write a big “fuck you” to them by, in many ways, smashing his toys so no one could play with them again. He even went as far as to splice in the actual hate mail he received into the movie to quite clearly show to the audience, as their favorite characters met their grissly ends, that this was their fault.

(“Gee, I wonder what that was all about.” ~ a fan walking out of the theater back in 1997.)

In a way though, Anno created something strangely beautiful from that reaction. “End of Evangelion” is about giving up in some ways and accepting our inevitable doom. There are no easy answers, no workable solutions to achieve a happy ending because sometimes in life there isn’t one. Despite last ditch efforts by Misato, Shinji, and the crew of NERV the world still ends through the Third Impact. But tonally it’s not quite pessimistic; it’s actually positive, in a very twisted sense of course.

Set to the song “Komm Susser Tod” by ARIANNE, the film’s apocalypse can almost be described as a celebration. With people “popping” and turning into the primordial soup they all largely have smiles on their faces as they kind of get what they want whether it’s a desire to reunite with loved ones, to be with people they have crushes on, or happiness that they have sought for so long in the embrace of others. Everyone’s depressed! But now they are happy because it’s finally all over, they don’t have to give a shit anymore.

As the planet lights up like a Christmas tree, there are images of suicide and death that rapidly cross the screen in the form of the Angel’s final transformation but again, nobody is truly sad about it. They all have some kind of twisted smile or joy that they get from it. It’s a shocking film, if you’re not already prepared for what’s going to happen, and provocative to say the least.

(Can’t decide if I recommend watching this high or not...)

I had no idea what any of it meant at the time when I watched it several years ago (I watched it well after I had seen the original series), and to be fair there are many ways fans have interpreted what exactly took place in the film and have debated endlessly on its meaning for decades now. But at least in my interpretation, after everything we’ve been through this year, “End of Evangelion” to me is about the sweet release of not giving a fuck anymore.

Whether it’s about Anno feeling that way about his own life or the expectations of his fans or both, the film quite clearly doesn’t care about what people may or may not have wanted for Shinji and the NGE characters and is perfectly fine with the way it all comes “tumbling down.”

(He just wants to be with his boyfriend, guys.)

This past July 4th, city fireworks shows were prohibited in my area because they wanted to limit mass gatherings due to COVID but this didn’t stop people from buying plenty of their own to fire off. In what amounted to a collective “fuck you” to everything and 2020, beginning pretty much exactly at dusk people started firing off their at home lightshows like they were mortar gunners in World War I and did not let up until well past midnight. The entire Southern California night sky was lit up not to unlike the thousands of crosses that filled the screen during the Third Impact of “End of Evangelion” and though it could certainly be interpreted as a moment of people patriotically going “Yea, America!” that night, my head canon was much different. It felt like tens of thousands of people across the region just saying “Fuck it” into the night sky at everything; COVID, our horrendous government, police violence, pending World Wars, environmental disaster, and our collective impending doom from it all.

As these fireworks hit their zenith around 9pm I broke out my phone and started playing “Komm Susser Tod” from the movie and it felt perfect. Everyone just wanted to feel that freedom in the moment, that freedom of not giving a damn anymore. To be removed from expectations, from control, from hatred, from pain and it was kind of beautiful in a sick way.

And that’s what “End of Evangelion” feels like to me now; kind of beautiful in a sick way.

(Not saying the LA skyline looked like this exactly but it felt like it haha...)

There are still many ways to interpret Hideaki Anno’s cult classic, and it’s part of its charm but I think the take away fans should have is definitely not that suicide is ok but that we get it. We understand why people have those feelings and why it feels freeing to desire the void and oblivion. It’s a pity that the series most toxic fans didn’t get that clue through the original finale but Anno, not a person who likes  being shoved around, clearly created perhaps the most twistedly beautiful “fuck you” to that in anime history.

As we enter 2021 all I can say is it’s ok to feel like this, it’s ok to desire freedom from the relentless gloom and doom of the world and people’s prying expectations of what they think you “should” be. No one blames you. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to survive the apocalypse we have zero control over, so the least we can do is be a bit nicer and considerate of one another. 

At least it’ll make the Third Impact more pleasant whenever it eventually comes...

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Congratulations on surviving 2020! Have fun in 2021...

[illustrious-rocket]

I guess given my name and icons lately it’s only a matter of time that I address that one thing about 3.0+1.0′s ending.

Be warned, there are huge spoilers below this.

I want to preface this by putting what I’m going to say into bigger context.

One, I’ve never been much into Eva shipping debates. That probably has a lot to do with how late I came along and got into it, and moreso that 3.33 came out.... probably a year and a half or so after I did. The only ship I ever actually really had interest in beyond joking about them was, in fact, Mari/Asuka. 3.33, to me (and a lot of others) seemed to make it clear that that was going to be a thing, so for a vast majority of the time I’ve been a fan that’s where my mind was.

I was also way, way off in my predictions of what 3.0+1.0 was going to do when it came to Mari. I thought she wasn’t going to really have that significant a role beyond co-piloting Unit 08+02 with Asuka, and would die alongside Asuka in a noble sacrifice to allow Shinji to go through the Gates of Guf and confront Gendo. I did think her backstory would be revealed, although I never seriously considered the “classmate of Yui and Gendo” thing a legitimate possibility; I thought she was going to be revealed as the original clone using the technology that would go on to create the Ayanami Series. I thought her biggest role was going to be dying alongside Asuka so she didn’t have to die alone, since Kyoko didn’t exist in Rebuild’s continuity.

So obviously I was way, way off on that. But I think I like how it ended, and not because I like her or because I’m a biased shipper. I wanted to make clear I don’t feel that way for those reasons.

There’s no way to not see romantic overtones in the scenes between her and Shinji at the end, that’s for sure. Not just the train station scene either, but the scenes at the end of Instrumentality with her and Shinji on the beach. But I don’t think they necessarily are saying “Mari and Shinji lived together happily ever after” either.

There is no arguing that a well-built up ship has a strong foundation built on mutual growth the two characters share, and in that regard, Mari/Shinji doesn’t have that. But what is Eva if not something you end up debating the meaning of? I think there’s a way Mari and Shinji not having much in the way of interactions actually works in a sort of ironic sense, if you read the scene a certain way.

3.0+1.0′s message was clearly that Anno wishes to move on from Eva, that he has grown from who he was in the past and is ready to leave it behind, and accordingly the viewers should too. Mari seems clearly used as the device to make that happen, having been introduced into the equation to upset the existing balance; her parallels to the role Moyoco Anno played in Hideaki Anno’s own life are clear. That’s certainly a valid reason to take the ending at face value, but I think there’s another way to interpret it that ironically makes their lack of interaction function as part of the message.

My interpretation of the ending is that Shinji created a world where Evas are no longer needed, but has not actually experienced that world much yet. His pasts with Rei, Asuka and Kaworu all centered around piloting. If he were to stay with any of them, I don’t know if he would ever be able to truly move on and experience the world he created to the best of his ability. There would always be regret, second thoughts of what had come before and thus he would always feel the pull of trying to heal them from what they had experienced themselves. The thing about moving on from the past is that it can be brutally bittersweet. Maybe in the future Shinji can have more positive relationships with them, but to me, the movie’s ending indicates to me that he has finally learned to let go of his need to center his identity and sense of worthiness on whether other people like him (the same lesson Kaworu had to learn) and is learning to live for himself. Ironically enough, by not interacting with him that much, Mari’s relationship to him is not defined by those same issues, and a frequent theme in their interactions was her trying to urge him at various times to not give up and to do things because he wanted to do them.

With that said, I don’t think the ending is saying they necessarily ended up as a couple at all. The romantic overtones are, again, certainly undeniable. But what I take it as is saying that Shinji *has* grown up enough to the point where he has a more stable sense of self that he built for himself, and as such he’s reached a point of maturity where healthily pursuing a relationship with *anyone* is possible. Mari fills a double purpose here - she is (arguably) the only one with whom his pursuing a relationship in a healthy fashion is feasible right now, but also, she is once again guiding him into a new world with a sense of optimism much like her past interactions with him. Their relationship may or may not work out in the future, but the point is that Shinji has finally reached a point of self-confidence where he can take that risk without harm to his mental state, which to me is the most hopeful way Eva could have ended. Not with an undeniably happy ending, but one where we know things that are both good and bad will happen, and Shinji can embrace the uncertainties of the future with a sense of optimism and hope.

[loneveenas]

endless echoes | anno domini | 05

every lifetime is a new one. no actual reconnections to the past. but what if that reconnection is suddenly there?

    𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒖𝒔𝒕     𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒙𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒖𝒔     𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆

a sakusa x reader multi-chaptered reincarnation au

words: 1,304 warnings: angst, post-apocalyptic world | mentions of nausea this chapter

jump to: 04 | 05 | 06 || mlist

anno domini tag list: @infamouswhitepaws @woozxs @kara-grayson04​ @yams046​ @of-heroes-and-dreams​ @pyblos @infamouswhitepawsies​ @muppetz let me know if you want to be added/taken off!!) as always, tysm for reading :)

“Hey, (y/n),” Kuroo’s soothing voice whispered to you. “I’m here. You’re hyperventilating. Please try to calm down.”

Oh. I was?

You tried to focus on Kuroo’s voice, who was talking soft words to you, his rough voice comforting you in a way you hadn’t experienced before.

You were met with your racing heartbeat and a stinging headache.

“I can’t breathe,” you were gasping for breath.

“I know, that’s why you need to listen to me. Focus on my breathing and you’ll be fine.”

Kuroo went to press his hand to your heart and to loudly breathe in and out, trying to get you to follow.

The ticking of the seconds made it feel like ages before you calm down again.

“C’mon, easy there,” Kuroo murmured. “Slowly. In and out.”

Your breathing was calming down again with Kuroo still breathing with you, making sure not to lose your consciousness again.

“You’re doing really well,” he complimented. You wanted to smile but that just hurt too much, and it got you off breathing steadily.

A memory hit you and your head couldn’t take the incredible deep sting it left. You scream it out. And loud.

The blood…

Kuroo didn’t know what to do but embrace you in a deep hug.

“It’s okay, you’re here now.”

You wanted to scream again, scream the pain away, but you didn’t want to hurt Kuroo’s ears. You bite your lips until you taste the disgusting iron flavor, gagging.

“I need you to tell me whether or not you’re going to throw up, so I can get you to the nearest sink, okay?”

You nodded slowly, shaking all over. The metallic flavor of blood was sinking in your throat and you were trying your hardest not to throw up.

“Kuroo,” you creaked, “I think—”

Before you could finish your sentence, Kuroo got you up and moving to a sink.

He held your hair back but the only thing that came back was slime and what felt like bile. You were choking on your breathing and Kuroo let you go, rummaging around you while trying to get one thing or another, you didn’t know. You were too focused on controlling your breathing while having the urge to throw up.

“Kuroo,” you say his name again, but you don’t really know why.

“It’s his fault,” Kuroo bites out, “isn’t it?”

You didn’t really know who he was talking about, but he was probably right.

Your eyes opened in agony. Something was hurting.

You were breathing in and out but it felt like oxygen wasn’t your friend.

Something grabbed you and the familiar touch made you come back to Earth.

“(Y/n),” a voice said. You recognized him in an instant. “Good to see you’re safe.”

“Of course,” you smirked at him, still struggling to breathe at a normal pace. The second your eyes met each other you felt a familiar calm flooding over you, warming you up. Your smirk changed into a soft smile. “Good to see you here, Sakusa-san.”

“I told you not to call me that,” he said, his voice trying to be playful but his eyes were going against that: they were stern and looking ahead of him, focusing on the sight through the peephole.

“You know I can’t help it,” you whispered, leaning up into him. His body, though, didn’t react to your weight on him. You were satisfied with that. That was plenty of attention you needed of him right now.

“How are your parents?”

The question made Sakusa whimper a little. “Don’t know,” was his short answer. He was trying his hardest to not show you the trigger it had to his voice; you noticed that much.

You didn’t say anything back. The sound of his voice was the only answer you needed.

Shots were heard outside, followed by the sound of two helicopters flying around in the area. In reaction, you winced. Sakusa enclosed his free arm around you. “We’ll be alright,” he promised you. “We have to be.”

You could only nod.

Your memory distorted and you suddenly found yourself in a field of bodies, and you screamed.

“Sakusa!” you yelled out loud. “Where the fuck are you?!”  

You had dropped the suffix and called him out with a swear word. It felt distant, but it also didn’t. Your heart was aching and you nearly succumbed to the smell of the dead bodies surrounding you.

As long as he wasn’t one of them.

The thought struck your mind with a corrupt feeling. You felt like you were experiencing deja-vu.

Shaken by the immense pain and pang through your heart, you opened your eyes. The white of the lights stung your eyes like a needle, but not as much as before. You closed them to shut the pain out.

“Y/n,” the familiar voice of your best friend called out. “Y/n, it’s okay.” Kuroo wiped your cheeks. Trailing his hands, you realize you had been crying.

“How long was I out for?” you mumbled.

“A minute or so, I believe. Nothing too bad.” He wiped the wet strands of hair from your face, too.

You softly blow out through your nose. “It felt more like five hours.”

“Those dreams can do that to you,” Kuroo said softly, supporting your back in trying to get you up straight.

You muttered a soft “thanks,” to him, and gladly accepted the water he had gotten you when you were dreaming. Or more like having a nightmare.

“Do you remember what you dreamed about?” he asked you. “If you don’t mind, I want to make some notes on it so that I can research it a little more.”

“I guess,” you muttered.

You tried recalling the dream, but suddenly the memory was starting to fade.

That’s when it dawned on you. Sakusa-san was the man from your dreams. Had always been the man from your dreams. But you were never able to save him. He was your pair and even in your last reincarnation, you weren’t able to save him. Again.

It needed to change.

“Kuroo,” you suddenly said, “I need to find him.”

“Sakusa Kiyoomi.”

“Is that him?”

“I am very positive, yes.”

“Well then, I guess we got no other choice than try to hunt him down,” Kuroo joked.

“Ew,” you pulled a disgusted face, “why are you like this, I hate this.”

Kuroo laughed. “Anything to try and cheer you up. Anyways, what do you want me to do for you?”

“With your knowledge and amazing detective skills,” you said, putting the right emphasis on ‘amazing’ to really have him convinced of the job. “You know you’re the perfect candidate to really dive into the mystery that is apparently Sakusa Kiyoomi. From the looks of it of last time, he hasn’t realized yet, but maybe has never had that connection with someone else before, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

You remember you had become positive of the reincarnation theories when you met Kuroo, especially after the stories your grandfather told you, but of course you can never be sure of other events misdirecting you. Sakusa Kiyoomi might not have had that certain connection with someone else yet. In that aspect, you were thankful for Kuroo.

You and Kuroo were silent for a second. Something was bothering you but you couldn’t specifically point it out.

“So, any specifics?” Kuroo asked you, having taken out his notebook, ready to take some notes. “Sakusa Kiyoomi,” he whispered, his tongue outside his mouth while noting down the characters to his name.

There was one thought that just couldn’t leave your mind. Ever since you had met him you had one thought that was impossible ignoring. You needed nothing else than that.

“Just… what does he do… that he needs all those bodyguards for?”

[cateringisalie]

9 years later and we have at last got a new Eva film and the end of the Rebuild project.

Much was made at the start of Rebuild of the desire to introduce Eva to a new audience. 1.0 more or less leant into its original goal and restaged episodes 1 to 6 of the TV series with a bigger budget, CGI, some more blunt and early reveals and a few weird alterations for the existing fan base. The Angel numbering was off; everyone knows Lilith is stuck in the basement, Seele just default to their monoliths. Kaworu is actively introduced at the tail-end rather than alluded to in the opening titles. As an intro, its fine (though most would agree the equivalent stage of the TV series isn’t really a struggle to cope with either), though a few stylistic and environmental changes lead many to conclude this was a direct sequel to End of Evangelion. 2.0 seemed content to build off of the intro but steer away from the relevant section of episodes – roughly 8 to 17. Recognisable moments like the falling Angel, the corrupted Unit 03 and the ribbon angel and Unit 01’s impossible reactivation share the screen with altered relationship dynamics. Now we get Mari one of the few wholly new characters who gets to open the second film in a wildly dramatic fashion. The key of Nebuchadnezzar (which does at least re-enter proceedings in the final film, but I am even shakier on what it is or used for – even fandom seem to have struggle to explain this as anything other than a blunt drop-in replacement for the Adam embryo in the TV series). And come the end its time for Third Impact already, Shinji altering the world around him to rescue Rei from the depths of an Angel. Kaworu uses an unfamiliar spear to incapacitate Shinji and the preview hints at a story further from the rails than ever. 3.0 is as promised more or less completely divorced from anything Eva had done before. Just not the off-the rails version 2.0 advertised. Some will be quick to note that none of the Rebuild previews have entirely accurately advertised their subsequent instalment; 1.0’s features at least one key scene that never happened (Mistao slapping Ristuko in a seeming allusion to the Sea of Dirac Angel) while even the sequences of animation that did make it look nothing alike. Which is fair, but even then 2.0’s bears absolutely no resemblance to 3.0 and even 3.0’s very strange preview doesn’t really jibe with 3.0+1.0 ultimately. 3.0 is post-post-apocalypse and with a whole 14 years just evaporated between films. There’s a distinct last third of Nadia feel to it. About the only part similar to a former incarnation is Kaworu and Shinji’s relationship which while not even roughly mapping to episode 24 serves the same function; to make Shinji distraught before the climax of this story. But 3.0 is also the point where that initial premise of the series slams headlong into the drift from familiar territory. Where the film is a quantum leap away from the mystery terms and slow reveals. The oddities and confusions pile up given the glimpsed state of the world, the strange gridded moon, the sea of Eva corpses, the strange state of Lilith in the depths of Nerv. An awful lot happened while Shinji was (for reasons no one has explained or seems to care about except me) IN SPACE and the film only ever alludes to the sequence of events occurring between these two films in the broadest of strokes. Which if done a certain way can be compelling though I did not find it to be the case here in the slightest. It’s a huge struggle to build up even a vague idea of what went down and that’s with heavy deferral back to the TV series again. If you’re new, none of this means much of anything. Even mixed media doesn’t help. The reveal there was a limited run manga of events prior to 3.0 had a potential for answers, but upon reading a synopsis... Nope. Helps not even a tiny amount. Also this mixed media attitude is never to be encouraged. So, I didn’t like film 3 much at all. Film 4 does little to not be based on where it left off. Which is a small mercy that it doesn’t effectively toss everything out again and skip further ahead in time. And 3.0+1.0 does at least make use of some of what 2.0 revealed and setup in the spirit of trying to get this into something cohesive. It fails, but it tried. Maybe the points it touches on were the intended direction of the films. Maybe Anno changed his mind on this one. It’s not like Rebuild’s failure to cohere should be a surprise – the title of the film is simply confusing in sequence. Titled neither 4.0 nor 4.44, instead we have the pretty inexplicable 3.0+1.0 which is just annoying to type. Even thematically this doesn’t feel right given its more like 2.0 mushed into 3.0 but I suppose that’s technically film 5 so... Unless, 1.0 here is supposed to mean the original TV series or EoE, which... End of Evangelion figures unexpectedly largely in the film. Could be that its meant to infer some collection of the Eva cast (the original pilots + Mari? The Ikari family + Mari? The pilots from 1.0 (Shinji and Rei) plus the pilots from 3.0 (Asuka and Mari)?). The other part of course, is that the three prior films had titles in the form of [Thing](Not)]Thing]. 3.0+1.0 decides to dispense with this entirely and instead is titled “Thrice Upon a Time”. Nothing like confusing matters (and instead media library ordering) by not only giving the film a title that puts it before the 3rd film (since prior to this cinema releases are .0 and the home media (excepting the first release of 1.0) are triple digits of their instalment number) but also has another reference to three within it. It might be some kind of holy trinity allusion, some play on Third Impact, or an acknowledgement that this is theoretically the third version of events surrounding the end of the world (if you take TV series as 1, EoE as 2, and Rebuild as 3). Also potentially a literary reference about cyclical time and messages from the future which is all well and good and fits into a whole other essay about how Rebuild and FFVII Remake are operating on the same basis and making many of the same mistakes by both trying to be fan-service for the new fans and draw in new ones and do the big fan-moments similarly but diverge wildly off in others. Good start! The final film starts with bombast as per 2 and 3 (and thus focused on Mari) though the setup and point of the action is possibly more confused and less explicable (which is saying something given 3.0 opened with retrieving Unit 01 from space. No, I will continue to complain about not getting this. Yes it was very exciting but why was Unit 01 in space? In a strange crucifix coffin. Anyone at all?) – and only vaguely connected to anything resembling the plot. At least 2.0 and 3.0 had some immediate and long term stakes with a cover for Kaji stealing something and bringing Shinji into the plot. This film opens with a scrounge for spare parts in a red Paris that the tertiary cast make no longer red while Mari fights off a massed horde of Evas while battleships are puppeteered from orbit. It’s all terrible cool and everything, but given at no point do we even begin to understand what is going on or what the stakes even are. Which is a problem with the latter half of the sequence. 2.0 might have started with an Eva vs Angel fight but while there was ambiguity over the situation it at least seemed to lead into the eventual plot. Here we’re getting Eva spare parts for later and a whole dose of new terminology the film has no interest in explaining. Which is par for the course for prior Eva incarnations but again, I feel there was more explanation setting the weirdness up. Here we are reduced to keywords that sound important. The film proper opens with our familiar trio of Eva pilots winding up at a village with their old classmates (which of course, to follow the proliferations of 3 all the way down and also match to Tokyo-3, is in fact, Village 3. The far future sequel to Resident Evil 8 presumably). Who are necessarily now 14 years older than them. Asuka is naked (in a sequence to contrast to 1.0 and 2.0) or in her underwear for far too much of this sequence (and just as creepy as 2.0 got with this) as Shinji struggles in the aftermath of Kaworu’s death, Ayanami (critically not the Rei of 2.0) learns about life (and visits a library with – I’m not kidding – a poster for Sugar Sugar Rune on display. I like to think not many in the audience caught this slightly odd reference). 30 minutes of the film are taken up with Rei being happy and contented with her life while Shinji slowly recovers and re-enters polite society (sulks, throws up at the sight of the DSS collar, is insulted and force-fed). There’s a good case for this section just being an unnecessary time filler, though you don’t need to fill time in a film that is 2 ½ hours. But if it was cut down, perhaps it would have the same strange feeling as 1.0 had where the aftermath of Shinji’s second Angel fight lead was mostly skipped and left that part of 1.0 feeling strangely hasty and actively (and badly) abridged. Maybe that’s just my familiarity with the source material again. There’s still an edge of weirdness in the air on the film hits the 45 minute mark; even prior to this gigantic sections of the land are missing, and some things just float around now (apparently because). Past this mark is where weirdness creeps in; the barriers keeping the village from suffering the fate of Paris – the structures a curious match to the Cocytus facility at the start of 2.0. There are headless Eva copies who roam the landscape. An indicator on Ayanami’s suit runs down. Shinji is advised to talk to his father before he loses the opportunity forever. This one made me laugh, and even Asuka comments that given who Shinji’s father is and what he’s done don’t really make this plausible (or sensible). Ayanami concludes her pastoral life and this stage of the film by transforming back to her original white plug-suit; her AT Field then dissipates and she bursts in a familiar spill of LCL. For such a previously central character, Rei or Ayanami or Lilith will have exceptionally little bearing on the remainder of the film. The plot now kicks in properly as Gendo decides enough is enough and he’s going to be doing some world ending. Our Eva pilots are ready but not the same; we have Asuka, Mari and Shinji. And standing orders for Shinji to be shot if he tries to pilot anything (but given we’re at the end of the world and basically the original plan fails to stop Nerv bringing about the end of the world, that people still try to shoot him is... a little weird and an almost pointless resolution of factors the quaternary cast brought up in 3.0). The entire rest of the film is even more impenetrable and confusing than Kaworu’s sweeping explanations of what happened between films 2 and 3. If 3.0 fumbled the ball on being newcomer friendly 3.0+1.0 actively doesn’t care. Not that familiarity with series helps since so much new terminology is thrown at the audience. The entire cast – literally the entire cast – are not only caught up on but also understand the varying levels of psychological, biological and religious nonsense that Eva has formerly wielded as something almost coherent. You, as audience member, are not privy to a fraction of this understanding and thus left to flail for the remainder of the film making what you can of the maddening breadcrumb trail of exclamations and partial explanations. Shinji is no help here and infuriatingly asks barely a single question about what is going on (thankfully he does prompt Gendo to explain a few things – presumably where even the staff had gotten lost on what was supposedly going on). For existing fans, you might get a sense of it by application of known quantities from the previous incarnations (I pity newcomers struggling to make sense of this). What the Lance of Cassius is a thing introduced abruptly into the series – and contrasted with the Lance of Longinus you can muddle through to get some idea of what was going on. 3.0+1.0 however, decides that even that grip on its story is too much and adds a bunch more unnamed spears. Some of them formed from Lilith. This is a thing of some import apparently, though ultimately is effectively buzzword name-checking. We know who Lilith is in context from both 1.0 and the TV series but how that relates to spear formation is beyond me. And then there’s the part where one of the flying ships (there were four made according to Seele’s plan. Seele, the former sinister puppet-masters, who died in film 3, and if the flying ships were their idea or this stated at all, I had totally forgotten it in the last 9 years (checking wikia seems to indicate no one else knew this either so I feel vindicated). Seele feel an artefact of the old Eva Anno has no time for – EoE had what equated to three groups vying for control of the process of human instrumentality. Seele are adhering to a prophecy of sorts, Gendo is trying to subvert that process for his own ends, and Misato is trying to stop it. In terms of economical story-telling, the distinction between Seele and Gendo’s goals in causing Third Impact are so slim as to be basically zero (few critical differences though), I suspect Seele were deemed unnecessary and shuffled out of proceedings hastily despite their continued name-checking at this late stage) is turned into another spear because if all the spears are used up, the end of the world can’t be averted. You will have to forgive me for failing to notice how and where most of these spears (save three) wound up or what most of that means or why or how or anything. But we have a budget to squander and why not channel the Gurren Lagann energy for action one last time? And there is some action, this presumably part of what a good section of the audience have waited for with baited breath, that thing the TV series so rapidly lost interest in; that EoE staged for narrative cruelty. Smashy giant robot action time! So we get billions of Eva enemies for Asuka and Mari to cut through without problem. They explode and fall away despite exhaustively overwhelming numbers. There is a palpable lack of threat here. A few hitches but nothing the pilots can’t cope with. It’s just empty fan-service, a boast about how much can be rendered into a single frame. We get Asuka, unable to stab critically important Unit 13 (looking distinctly Unit 01-like just with four arms), and then hooking into an odd leftover thread from 2.0. Her accident in the activation test of Unit 03 has left her with a part of herself now more correctly classified as an Angel. And like 2.0 for surprise value, her Eva has special Angel blood injectors to again overcharge her Eva (which seems to be a thing in the latter three films – turn the Eva safety off and go beserk. As if Unit 01 didn’t do that all on its own in the first and second film). And this too fails. But this too is just another moment of important and pretention. Where the audience is meant to gasp at Eva/Angel hybridisation (not that the dividing line between Angles and Evas is ever completely clear (not least Unit 03)), at Asuka revealing herself to be part Angel (as if Kaworu and Rei weren’t established examples). So her Eva bloated and animalistic is... just another moment. We saw this in 2.0 with Mari releasing her limiters. We saw it in 3.0 in almost the same way. The distinction isn’t meaningfully different to the last few times the Evas were let off the leash and became more brutal. And just like the prior times this escalation of Eva body horror, ferocity, blood and over-indulged violence doesn’t actually help the situation. Asuka fails in her task as the Unit 13 counter-attacks. She’s saved by getting pulled out of reality moments before her end. Of course this being narrative, this being Eva; Gendo, the architect of this situation, is three steps ahead. Misato’s flying ship is badly and perhaps critically damaged so Gendo can retrieve the limbless body of Unit 01 formerly powering the flying ship. Shooting Gendo doesn’t work thanks to the key of Nebuchadnezzar (which did... Uh. Something? Kaji noted it as the lost number kept as a spare in 2.0 which implied Angel or Eva or... No I don’t know nor can I make sense of what it’s done to Gendo. Wikia informs me that while it’s never seen on-screen past the one time, its case is in some shots of 3.0. How amazing) and he leaves. And thus, of course, Shinji must get in the f-ing robot once more. But we’re back to the confident, more certain Shinji who 2.0 birthed as we enter the last (but still very long) final stage of the film – and restage End of Evangelion. Curious of course; EoE by turns can feel like a legitimate replacement for the final two TV series episodes or a bleakly, darkly, disturbing and flippant retort to the low-budget metaphysic version of the TV apocalypse. EoE to some has been not so much the intended ending (though buying a complete set of the old Eva in Japan will always net you the 26 original TV episodes, the four amended episodes and EoE), but more a poisoned chalice for the people who wanted a less introspective version of the end of the world and the process of human instrumentality. Anno was free to do what he wanted and veer off the tracks here – he can’t get away from the end of the world – this is integral to Eva’s base concept. 2.0’s glimpse of Second and the starts of Third Impact depict a process completely unfamiliar from the TV series’s version (reading Wikia explains some of 2.0’s imagery but is still bewildering with reference to 3.0+1.0’s reveals). In Rebuild, the end of the world is staged in the space below the strange aftermath of Second Impact, in an anti-universe where humans cannot venture. And yet, we are still clearly revisiting End of Evangelion. Not exactly the same, but a lot of imagery (the symbols in the sky, the gigantic form of Lilith at multiple points, the crucifix explosions across Earth’s surface) – to say nothing of some actual sections of animation – are taken straight from the 1997 film. Those moments and images were haunting and disturbing (the more overtly sexualised imagery has been completely removed). Clearly no matter what was said at the time or in the interim, EoE is in fact how the ending must play out; this is, or has become, what happens externally and internally when these characters attempt to force a next stage of evolution. The End of Evangelion will always be the end. ...just not quite the same. Not least it is missing most of the infamous moments (Shinji in Asuka’s hospital room is notably completely absent). There’s no moment where Shinji strangles Asuka, Komm Susser Tod is missing entire (in favour of something similar sounding but in Japanese), the live-action sequences of the empty cinema or the world without Evas aren’t utilised (though some live action footage is included), Rei betraying Gendo and beginning Third Impact outside his control etc. It's actively absurd to type this, but Lilith – Lilith! – has less character here. Which is so astonishingly absurd given the only depiction of Lilith we get is effectively Rei/Rei was Lilith the entire time, but those introspective sequences hinting at something more involved with Rei or the points Lilith does talk directly to Shinji are gone too. This shouldn’t be a surprise – we are after all missing a Rei character at the climax. Mostly. 3.0+1.0 almost expects you to remember the last time you saw Eva end the world and contrast it to this new version. The EoE imagery, the footage of Lilith descending from the crucifix, the looming figure of Lilith rising as humanity ends. Even something like the sequence of the backsides of cels running backward is reused – this footage also cribbed from EoE and played out on a wall between two characters. The animation breaks down into scratchy storyboards and later degenerates from finished footage down to outlines, animatics, and storyboard. The end of the world is this time around is more heavily meta. Both EoE and the TV episodes “staged” the process of Instrumentality (or parts of it) for Shinji. It occurs in filming spaces and on sets, there’s lighting equipment and dolls as stand-ins. The strange artificiality of pulling back the curtain on the TV or film production, or else the effect of  setting the camera back further than you should for filming a theatrical experience. But even that’s a false layer given a true pull-back would be to people in front of computers or previously drawing key-frames. Here the staging is more blunt still. It begins with an Eva vs Eva fight between Gendo and Shinji in the anti-universe where their brains make sense of the impossible space with artificially staged areas of familiar locations. A fight in a city has a huge sheet as a backdrop and carboard buildings the Evas kick around. They fight in front of Nerv headquarters and in Misato’s kitchen. A blow knocks over a section of scenery and sprawls Shinji in the studio space surrounding the set. A crossroads of sort where Shinji will move on from Gendo to meet with Rei, Kaworu and Asuka. The major difference to EoE is that the end here is much more concerned with Gendo; we dive into his psyche and his past. His isolation and desire for it. This feels extremely confessional for Anno all things considered given Gendo was always previously kept at arm’s length. This feels revealing about the man behind it all, a reflection of the director. He has admitted during production that at his stage of life he is far closer to Gendo than Shinji – I think this is barely obfuscated here. The flashback is more about understanding Gendo and how Yui changed him than anything about Evas or the end of the world. Gendo’s motivation is revealed to be the same as always; this is how he gets to be with Yui again. Odd details catch as this past plays out. And is that Mari in his memories? Mari, who Fuyustuki calls Mary Iscariot upon meeting her and has prepared something for her. Which feels much more like religious buzz words; there’s an obvious implication coached in that selection of a name, but how it actually relates to the story or the circumstances is really unclear. Nor am I clear on what Fuyutsuki prepared. He explodes into LCL like last time too. The process is so close to EoE but the mood is lighter and the reasoning behind the cast a little different. Asuka is part of a clone series – same as Rei. Just without the physical signifiers that Kaworu and Rei exhibit and the prior short-hand for clones in this universe (as noted, their design is intended to invoke lab rats). Nice consistency there. The beach ending from EoE is re-done under a blue sky; Asuka is saved thanks to Shinji and Mari working in concert. Kaworu’s beach meeting with Shinji is restaged, the newer, confident Shinji discussing the circular system that delivers Kaworu into his place at the end of the world. So Eva has happened before, meta-wise or time-wise or dimensionally. Take it as you will, no interpretation is more valid than another. Only that Kaworu remembers them all. It’s happened before and it’s expected to happen again. But Shinji’s different now, so the end of the world is different. Now it’s time to move on; Kaworu is left with Kaji to tend the earth assured the cycle of Eva productions is at an end – both have been dead all this time. Anno’s attitude to his seeming forever association with this one franchise his and his desire to set it down and move on? EoE finished in space; 3.0+1.0 finishes beneath the Antarctic. The idea of Unit 01 living forever as a testament to humanity is no factor at all Shinji intending (and his parents possibly driving) the final riddance of the Evas from reality – none can be allowed to remain. But now, the film takes an odd turn, and as with EoE, there’s the coda. In EoE this was the beach scene. For Rebuild: The sun shines, the sky is blue. An adult Shinji sits in a train station and meets with Mari. She’s older too now; the pair share a kiss and run from the station hand in hand. So. Uh. Yeah. That happened. There’s Kaworu and Rei seemingly alive and well as adults. And Asuka of course. But Shinji winds up with Mari. Mari who knew everything the whole time and might somehow have been part of Gendo’s group at university and known Yui and no, we are not getting any insight into those peculiarities! (or more plausibly it could be Mari’s mother who looks near identical to Mari but... What are we meant to take from this, really?). Mari who met Shinji in a handful of brief moments and has never spent any actual time with him. Mari won the love-triangle! But this is not some simple alternate reality, a different better take world where the cast existed in something resembling our reality; Shinji still wears the exploding DSS collar given to him before rejoining the giant robot fray. Mari effortlessly removes it from his neck. The film ends with a live-action sequence – this is reportedly Anno’s hometown. The world without Evas; we passed the relevant date while 3.0+1.0 was stalled. Shinji made it to 2014, or more plausibly past it in a world without Second Impact. And he’s happy, well-adjusted, and... Not really recognisable as Shinji. Shinji now exists in the present, not the future as he had for so long in pop-culture. But he’s in a different 2021; a world without the pandemic. And that was Rebuild; a project intended as a new introduction to Evangelion that blatantly had its entire core conceit revised at least twice (the 4th film delayed because of Shin Godzilla and then a struggle to write at all) that increasingly and confusingly leant more and more on its famed initial incarnation even as it veered increasingly and erratically away from the familiar sequences. I liked 3.0+1.0 more than 3.0, but can’t help but still bemoan whatever 3.0 was going to be when 2.0 happened. The alternate other sequence. And despite it all, despite the allusions to a repetition of Eva and of this being the break in the chain, even those working on and involved with the film see even this as a definitive end. Even Anno’s not convinced that’s the last word. Eva will come back all over again; naturally – there’s money to be made here, and what’s yet another alternate take to add to the TV series, the manga, the games, the other manga, EoE, Rebuild and so on. Kaworu apparently is indeed doomed to revisit this forever alongside everyone else and also remember that for once he was gifted a true end. An impossible conclusion for modern pop-culture it feels.

[autumnblogs]

Day 2: Symphony Impossible to Play

Picking up from yesterday, we just met Rose.

https://homestuck.com/story/220

Right out of the gate, here’s something interesting - another one where a character interacts directly with her medium! I wonder whose eyes she feels on her. Are Rose’s Seer powers allowing her to detect us watching her? Later on, it turns out that Kanaya was watching her all along during her intro. Maybe that’s who she senses? I think it’s possibly both of those, and a third option - Rose is a paranoid girl who doesn’t feel very secure in her own home, or comfortable in her own skin.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/223

John does a lot of roleplaying, and this is one of the earliest spots in the comic where he does this. Specifically, John performs a lot of his favorite scenes from different movies, and no surprise to anyone, almost all of the times he does, he’s performing either the role of a lover, or of a father. Malo, who I respect a lot, talks a little about John’s appreciation for signifiers here, along with some of their chums. I was going to say something about other points where John’s inner voice comments on the necessity of signifiers to make a thing itself (OR ELSE IT’S A PRETTY PISS POOR EXCUSE FOR THE THING) yesterday, but I didn’t have the thoughts fully formed at the time. Luckily, Malo will call attention to it for me.

This is another one of those weird things about the way that reality works, and it might all retroactively work that way because John expects it to work that way. Homestuck is full to bursting with symbols - everything in Homestuck is extremely abstracted as part of the art style, and also as part of the storytelling, often rendered down to some basic elements that make it recognizable. An example of something Homestuck uses as a symbol would be like, Mustaches - a symbol associated with Grandpa. Swords, symbols associated with Striders. The symbol doesn’t have to have any kind of literal logical association with the thing it represents, but we associate the two things with each other because of cultural context.

https://homestuck.com/story/225

I always liked Rose’s house best out of the group. There’s something deeply romantic to me about the premise of a wooded retreat far away from civilization. I’m pretty sure the Lalonde residence is based on Falling Water but I could be mistaken. As long as I’m thinking about Symbols, by the way, Cats are a Lalonde Symbol. Their presence in the story always evokes Lalondes even when they’re not in the room (which is not very often, as it turns out!) and by association, witches. Both of the Lalondes are witches in the sense of being powerful women who attain to that power by consorting with dubious and transgressive sources.

Rose is up front and melodramatic about her not so great relationship with her Mom, and it’s pretty much literally always on her mind. (Rose’s Mom is an alcoholic, and I should be clear that her relationship has lots of reasons to be not great, but Mom Lalonde deliberately being spiteful to Rose is not one of the reasons). I like to think there are a lot of these misunderstandings between parents and children and if that we were just a little more open with each other, we’d find that we didn’t have as much to be afraid of in each other as we think. But I might never know. Another one of my favorite series that has the inability of Parents and Children to communicate with each other as a central theme is Hideaki Anno’s Neon Genesis Evangelion and if you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you go do so.

https://homestuck.com/story/231

The presentation of the Guardians is so unsettling that in my first readthrough, I thought they must be some kind of monsters artificially imposed into these characters’ obviously artificial lives to create difficulty for them. Clearly, I thought the story was going in a completely different direction than it actually ended up going.

https://homestuck.com/story/236

Rose does not always think her cunning plans all the way through, something she has in common with her biological father.

https://homestuck.com/story/271

I probably could have mentioned this funny little guy earlier than I did, but Wayward Vagabond is in the story now. I’m not totally clear on whether the Carapacians have any greater meaning, but they sure are charming, and like just about everything that isn’t specifically John and his friends, they exist on a layer of the story that is just a little further away from just the text, and a little closer to the audience - they can enter narrative prompts, much like you or I would have if we were involved in Homestuck’s earliest pages. As a rule in Homestuck, the more influence you personally have over the narratives which change the material conditions of the characters’ lives, the more sinister and ambiguous you become. Luckily, WV turns out to be a pretty benign guy, but if you’re the sort of person to be reading this, you are no doubt aware of the fact that most of Homestuck’s narrators don’t turn out to be nearly so friendly. The Carapacians introduce us to the idea that characters in the story are allowed to be audience members and narrators too. So I guess, really, that’s the greater meaning of the Carapacians.

https://homestuck.com/story/272

Always enjoy Rose’s long, outlandish metaphors. Any chance to read more of them is a good chance to. (Although the main one on this page is a holdover from some of the cringy stuff in MSPA’s early days - some of it slightly racist, some of it slightly homophobic.)

https://homestuck.com/story/287

Andrew’s insistence on having characters like Dave rap at us, the audience, actually reminds me a lot of JRR Tolkien’s tendency to pepper his stuff with songs that he wrote for his in universe stuff. And while both are legitimately talented at their craft, as one of my friends put it, “I’m not a rapper... so stop rappin’ at me!”

https://homestuck.com/story/293

Jade is another character whose first post I forgot to mention, but here she is having a bit more to say than before! I think I remember my initial impression of Jade being pretty favorable, and then gradually declining until she got a bit more exposition. Perky people bother me.

https://homestuck.com/story/307

Another one of Andrew’s cool prose poems. I don’t mind these as much as the rapping, clearly. Rain and Strings are another pair of symbols pretty strongly associated with Rose, although I hardly need to tell you that. This obviously alludes to Rose’s mythological quest. I think it also foreshadows a lot of her worst decisions. Rose overthinks and overthinks and overthinks, and then by the time she should have acted, it’s too late, and she overreacts instead, usually in catastrophic ways.

https://homestuck.com/story/312

Dave’s room isn’t nearly as messy as Rose’s, but his bed isn’t made, same as every other Derse Dreamer. This is also probably the first place that we get hints of Dave’s fascination with death (he collects dead things). He’s specifically fascinated with his own death, and fantasizing about self-sacrifice, something that he ends up doing twice over the course of the comic, is one of the ways that Dave experiences masculinity. Thanks for that, Bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/320

Dave almost immediately fails to uphold his irony schtick within just seconds of our getting to know him. For all that he pretends to the same extreme aloofness as his brother, I don’t think there’s an insincere bone in Dave’s body. Then again, maybe he’s just getting distracted by food, of which there is a significant dearth in his household. Thanks for that, Bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/326

I will never get back the time I spent reading Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Was it worth it?

Yeah probably.

https://homestuck.com/story/332

I think this is the very first time I’ve noticed that Dave has a nifty gaming computer with the transparent glass pane and the interior lights and everything. Like, this readthrough, this panel. I’m sure I mentioned somewhere that I get more out of this webcomic every time I read it.

https://homestuck.com/story/333

Dave and Rose are another character relationship I just enjoy tremendously. Their verbal sparring is one of the highlights of the webcomic.

https://homestuck.com/story/344

Bro’s puppet fascination tells us pretty early on that this is a hands-off, manipulative kind of guy. While Bro isn’t in a metanarrative layer the way that the Carapacians are, positioning him as a puppetmaster, controlling things from behind the scenes, still gives him the same kind of sinister ambiguity as one of the comic’s actual narrators.

https://homestuck.com/story/357

Far from being the kind of chill cooldude who kills with a straight face and doesn’t look at explosions, Dave kills a random bird and immediately feels remorseful about it. Poor kid.

https://homestuck.com/story/360

There is almost nothing worse than having someone perform interest in something you enjoy to try and influence you. Unfortunately, that is not what is taking place here. Rose is quick to assume malicious intent as she does a bit earlier when she tucks her journals under her bed because she feels like she’s being watched.

https://homestuck.com/story/369

Mom, sadly, giving your daughter oodles of presents and showering everything she does in ostentatious displays of affection is sadly not a substitute for earnest communication with her and your emotional presence. These two need to learn each other’s love languages. (Note to self. Not everybody enjoys lavish presents as much as I do.)

Roxy is a giver. That’s something that shows up time and again, especially when we meet her in person much later.

https://homestuck.com/story/377

Mom Lalonde performs femininity.

https://homestuck.com/story/382

Jade sees right through Dave.

In other notes, I think most of these kids would be way happier if their Guardians were more emotionally available, and less badass.

I’m going to come back to that and write more on it at some point instead of just alluding to it repeatedly. Maybe after Dave Strifes with his bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/389

Is Mom’s compulsive gift-giving because that’s her love language? Is she performing capitalism by giving her daughter extremely expensive gifts as a show of affection? Is it both things? (Roxy is never exposed to Capitalism except by the awesome powers of Dirk’s cached wikipedia archives, and her gift-giving tends to be significantly less ostentatious than Mom’s.)

https://homestuck.com/story/404

John roleplays some more.

https://homestuck.com/story/414

Here’s where I’ll say one of the things that I think is like a big deal, because I guess now’s as good a time as any. A lot of the roleplaying that John does, and the one-upsmanship that he and Dave do with each other, and Dave and Bro do with each other, and Mom’s ironic housewife routine, and the burial of Jasper in a mausoleum are rituals. Like symbols, they’re cultural touchstones that are ultimately empty when they no longer point to the thing that they signify. Funerals are grieving rituals. When a funeral doesn’t functionally serve the purpose of helping with grief, it becomes an empty signifier. Maybe this is how Mom grieved for Jaspers - I’ll have to check and see what Roxy thinks about it when I get that far, because I forgot.

We do a lot of stupid things in a monkey see monkey do fashion because we’ve just always done them that way, even when they were built for a completely different society, and no longer serve the same function that they used to serve. Big ostentatious funerals are like that, I think. Ideally, they’d give big families an opportunity to come together in mutual support, celebrate the joy brought to them by the deceased, demonstrate compassion to the grieving, and so on and so forth. I’m not prescriptively saying “don’t have a funeral” here, my point is just that funerals are one of those cultural narratives that I mentioned in the first post.

This funeral does not serve the function of helping Rose to grieve. It’s just kind of fucked up.

https://homestuck.com/story/415

Oh hey, Rose has more fish language attached to her - she earlier makes reference to her knitting-needle tech by saying that she thinks she could probably filet a fish with them. Here, she talks about having bigger fish to fry. Rose is associated with Water through her planet, the Land of Light and Rain, and with fish through Cetus. She’s also attached to other deep sea creatures in the form of the horrorterrors.

https://homestuck.com/story/420

I’m going to pause for now and post this since I’ve read through another roughly 200 pages of Homestuck this evening on the fortuitous page of 420. It probably helps that I started earlier than I did yesterday. Nanna’s about to give some exposition, and I already wrote my big brain take for the day so for now;

Cam signing off, alive and not alone.

[ikiruwill]

YOUR FANDOM:  eva YOUR MUSE(S):  shinji OTHER MUSES YOU HAVE PLAYED FROM THE FANDOM:  n/a MUSE(S) YOU’D WANT TO PLAY FROM THE FANDOM:  idk but i do know that i’m 1000% terrible at managing multiple blogs mhasldfkj

FAVORITE CHARACTER(S):  other and shinji: kaworu, misato, especially. but also asuka and rei..... in nge, everyone in terms of being well written  FAVORITE EPISODES/BOOKS:  ooo hard bc there’s so many, but ep19 is underrated i think FAVORITE PLOTLINE(S):  in eva, generally?? the original for sure, so nge and eoe LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER(S):  there’s nobody i hate, but if i had to choose like least inspired or something? i guess it’s mari like a lot of ppl say... but only bc she didn’t get any backstory / enough screentime to feel that relevant ( yet? final rebuild movie plz do a thing ). i like her design and how fun / weird she is! we’re just missing the writing that could really fill in the gaps here and flesh her out. tangent: i definitely don’t think mari is the only character in rebuild that suffers from the lack of info. asuka in 2.0 could use some insight on way she’s totally different from her nge counterpart too. imo 2.0 in general is odd with this kinda thing. SOMEONE YOU FEEL IS UNDERRATED:  the main pilots are the most popular, so i’d say everyone else? like misato and the rest of the adults, toji and friends

FAVORITE THEORY:  omg. there’s too many since this is eva LOL but i reaaaally like quantum rei.... it really adds to the bookend feel of eoe and just. makes me feel things :’) LEAST FAVORITE THEORY:  also too many oh no. probably weird sounding stuff like, mari is actually shinji and asuka’s time travelling daughter / kaworu is actually shinji?? LMAOO A STORYLINE YOU’D CREATE:  ooo definitely post eoe stuff!! it’d be interesting / challenging to characterize shinji in that continuation. trying to love himself and eventually others aside, i think he’d really have to learn how to forgive himself after everything he did and didn’t do ( a new character arc basically ). and let’s talk about rebuild too i guess!! i think an alternate rebuild 2.0 that feels more like 1.0 in tone would be cool ( like how 1.0 was different from nge but in more subtle ways ), and.... 2.5?? ( aka which does (not) exist. aka shit that happened between 2.0 and 3.0 aka actual missing drafts probably mhaskdf ) A STORYLINE YOU’D CHANGE: hmm some characterization changes from the manga?? which may lead to a different story / outcome. while there’s still stuff to enjoy from the manga, some characters have really lost the extra depth they had in nge. like gendo for example and kinda in general, hedgehog’s dilemma as a central theme. but i get that it’s hard to put a different and good spin on characters that were already so complex and praised in the original material, which i think sadamoto was going for ( since he’s not anno, but his own person ). it works sometimes though!! unpopular opinion, but i actually enjoy karl aka manga kaworu and kaji’s backstory ( which is probably less unpopular mhasdlkfj )

WHAT CROSSOVER DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR FANDOM:  i’m always multifandom, but fate would be cool! it’s one of my fav verses that i made andhaven’tusedinforever. also more mecha crossovers like it’s super robot wars plz WHAT CHARACTER FROM ANOTHER FANDOM WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE APPEAR IN YOUR FANDOM?:  omg basically anyone. yes even eva characters, plz donate to our quiet rpc IN THE WORLD OF MY FANDOM, I’D BE:  hopefully someone who’s conveniently in japan in our post apocalypse year of 2015 despite all these giant alien monster attacks... hello yes i have bigger emergency: i’d like to talk to shinji and cheer him up at least once, thx. he need a care.

Tagged by:  @skyvar​  ( thank you >) this was fun!! ) Tagging:  anyone!!