Me when the first coherent thought I have in the morning is that Grim was either abandoned or his biological parents died and the only family he has ever known are three ghosts everyone was afraid of so everybody left them alone for centuries and a human who doesn't belong who doesn't entirely fit there just like them so they were all alone until they found each other.
Ghosts tied to a space which is unsure whether they can leave or not and a human who may have somebody waiting them back home and may leave with no chance of return. Who can't take Grim with them because where they come from things such as fantasy creatures and magic only exist in fairytales so he'd either live hidden from the world or in danger of being treated as a monster and experimented on because when faced with what it's new and different the world reacts with anger and fear and want to control it and tear it apart until nothing it was before is left.
He doesn't know or understand this but MC does and that's why they would have to leave him behind. His dream of studying magic and be the greatest mage wouldn't come true on Earth, that's the reason they would tell him. It's true even though it's not the main reason why. But Grim would understand they just don't want to stay with him and prefer to leave and forget him because if they did love him they would stay.
Then again he could try to dig up in his origins and find his first family but what if time travel exists and MC from a previous timeline was who gave him the ribbon, his first gift and only possession before arriving at NRC? Meaning MC was the person his world revolved around before he even knew who they were and there was no other family he had.
Doubting the trouble squad has ever have a heart to heart conversation about Grim and MC's fates if or when they depart either because they have forgotten or pretend they aren't aware but deep down Ace and Deuce and all of MC friends know but prefer to keep ignoring it instead of confront their feelings. Grim and Malleus being the only ones who may have never think of it until the moment arrives nor accept it. Just like young children who believe their parents, their pillars, their everything that makes them feel safe, would always be there until death knocks at their door. Because MC have friends and a home in Twisted Wonderland and they need them so why would they leave?
They know MC keeps searching a way home and wondering if their loved ones misses them as much as they do and how much time have passed on their planet without knowing MC wishes they could have it all so they didn't have to choose between their previous family and the one they found there. And neither Grim or Malleus won't admit they know because thinking of it brings back the feeling of abandonment and losing everything that make them feel completed.
But the prince will have both Silver and Sebek and his grandmother for the rest of their lives with him once he returns home, people who was there from the beginning. Time to grow with them and accept they'll leave too. Everyone will graduate and go home and except special occasions each one will go their own path.
Grim will stay with somebody else but it won't be the same for him because he already had a family he wanted to keep together and failed to do so and without the dorm ghosts and MC the only thing left for him is the wound he carried before finding them opened once again that will remember him that nobody in this world can stay by his side forever so he'll stay and search a way to reunite with MC again and wonder if they miss him as much as he does and wishing MC have had everyone they loved in twst so they didn't have to choose or if they had to they had chosen him instead in the end and thinking of how all the future plans they shared and promises they made of growing old together were empty and the words that made him happy about how they loved him now hurt and they failed him and he failed to have everything he wanted and they left they left and he's thinking of them even after promising himself he wouldn't anymore a lie just like theirs and he's crying again and it hurts it hurts and
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I give my dad's brother a pass on never contacting us, as he is more broadly shunning all of my dad's side of the family. He was adopted and was treated like shit by my grandmother, because she a) didn't want to adopt and resented her adopted children, and b) was a fucking racist to her black adopted children, so he doesn't consider us to be his family. Particularly now that he is in contact with his biological mother and half-siblings.
He's also chronically depressed to a very disabling degree and lives in another country, so like... there are barriers to communication there that are different to the rest of the family not talking to us because they think we're embarrassing and messy.
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Literally feeling so thankful for Loki season 2 right now. I didn't know it was possible to revive a hyperfixation so wholly but I am back in total "I need to chew on them" mode. I need to rip them to shreds. If they weren't fictional characters everyone would be getting a hand crochetted beanie. I'm crying because I'm imagining them being soft and loving to each other....
I need to go write 1000 words about them Right Now or I will DIE.
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thinking abt how i had booked flights to see my ex and stay w them for 12 days and how the night before i left i met up w a friend i hadn't seen in a while and told her "i'm visiting my gf in [several countries over] tmrw but i have this feeling that they want to break up w me" and my friend was like "its gonna be fine bc there's NO way anyone would do that to themselves or u to have u visit for so long even tho they want to break up" and i was like yeah i'm sure ur right i shouldn't worry abt it *proceeded to go through the worst two weeks of her entire life*
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11, 19?
11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what?
When I'm in the "Figuring Out" stage of the drawing, when I need to think about what I'm doing or fix previous mistakes (so projects or/and animation) I try to limit distractions and usually just end up sitting in silence.
Oooor I have some synth/soundtracks playing at a very low volume somewhere barely within my reach, but it's mostly quiet.
When I'm in the "This will get itself done, I just need to pack hours into it" phase (sketching for fun, coloring/rendering) I'm usually listening to music (Spotify and whatever rock-ish mess it curated for me (i can't make playlists for the life of me), Astral Throb when I don't want to hear words ;P).
Sometimes when music gets boring I get either an audiobook or a podcast (currently I'm slowly making my way through Distractable c: It's the first not-RPG podcast I'm listening to, Just Some People Talking About StuffTM isn't really my genere, but I've been watching them for so long I smile automatically whenever they laugh, so it's a good time ;P)
19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)
This made me realise I don't draw that many inanimate objects...
But I know I enjoy doing this weird wood texture, I love drawing smoke (thx Danica Sills) and I kinda like drawing random objects/simplified machinery? Or at least that's what I'm interested in learning how to draw (other than people), especially vintage tech~ :D
(Which means I should probably consider making a series of drawings of malfunctioning machines with wooden parts... xD)
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I had many things that I had considered doing today, most of it just being some chill video gaming, if I'm really honest. And I did get to do some. Then I started feeling sick.
I thought to myself, oh well, that silly motion sickness again, guess I'mma take a break 🙃
Turns out, wasn't just the motion sickness, though.
Spent the next hour and a half using my toilet as an echo chamber for creative voice lessons. Switched it up every now and again, just to keep things interesting, but the sound was just too good, so I kept coming back for encores. Realised the toilet might be cursed because I could not move away from it for more than a few meters or a few minutes before having to return.
Messaged my mom, who kindly brought me something to help break the curse.
Then spent the next three hours in a curled up position on my bedroom floor, on the carpet right next to my bed (bed would have been to soft), head on my fluffiest pillow, and underneath a warm, cuddly blanket, finally getting some rest and sleeping off the exhaustion.
When it all started it was early afternoon. The sun has now set. I am finally sitting back on the couch, munching on some insanely good pretzel sticks and drinking tea. Feel utterly serene. Could murder someone for a good, cheesy pizza right now, but that might be the devil talking.
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