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#I do not like comphet pushed on me
xo-cori · 7 months
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because second’s not the same
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pairing: abby anderson x fem!reader
summary: morals become blurred in a motel room with your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.
warnings: smut (MDNI), comphet on reader’s end, internalized homophobia, lots of angst, cheating, sorry owen you seem cool, submissive top!abby ftw, hair pulling, fingersucking, facesitting, abby makes reader answer a call while getting down n dirty, they both hate men (real)
a/n: my first fic on this godforsaken app, hopefully it’s okay! this is based off of an old halsey song called “is there somewhere,” i highly recommend listening while you read
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When your phone chimes twice at exactly ten o’clock on a Friday night, your heartbeat quickens and the air is stolen from your lungs. Your body seems to know who it is before you do. Maybe that should concern you or serve as a reminder of how much of a problem this is becoming, but instead, you unlock your phone and read the much anticipated message.
abby: Hey
abby: What are you up to tonight??
you: hey, i was just reading a bit before bed
abby: Sounds like a real party
you: shut up lol
you: why do you ask?
abby: Don’t make me say it
you: i’m making you say it
There’s a hesitance on Abby’s side, made obvious by how the text bubble appears and disappears as she types and deletes a response. It takes her a good minute to send another message.
abby: Just wanted to know if you’d meet me
abby: Please
you: there we go. be there in 20
Before you know it, you’re driving fifteen miles over the speed limit, chest tight and craving a release that only Abby can bring. You eventually step out of your car and into the near-empty parking lot of the old motel that you’ve become awfully familiar with these past few weeks.
Your feet guide you along the farthest side of the building, straight towards a room marked ‘93,’ and you invite yourself in.
In less than five minutes, your shirts are on the floor and her hands are on your hips and god, her thigh feels so good between yours. She always seems to know exactly what you need. More importantly, she wastes no time with giving it to you.
“Fuck,” Abby says, “been waiting for this all week.”
You nod in agreement, lost in the way she grinds you onto her with seemingly no effort. She sighs contentedly when your back arches, chest pressing into hers, enveloping her in your warmth and melting away all the stress of a long day. There’s a piece of heaven in this room with her. How could she worry about anything outside of it?
“Me too,” you reply. One of your hands grasps at her shoulder in attempt to steady yourself, caressing the tense muscle, while the other gently tugs her hair. The dirty blonde strands feel like silk between your fingers and you can smell the pine shampoo that she uses. It invades all of your senses. It makes you desperate for more. So, you tug harder. Her head falls back against the headboard with a groan and you use it as an opening, diving in to press your lips to her neck.
It’s messy, just how Abby likes it. Her grip on you tightens and she lets out a broken gasp.
She needs this just as much as you do, if not more– but you’re much more generous with the teasing.
“Feel good?” You mumble into her throat, before picking another patch of skin to suckle on. Every touch sends a bolt of electricity up her spine and decorates her freckled skin with goosebumps.
Still, Abby does what she does best, and clings to any power she still has. You don’t resist when she grabs you by the shoulders and pushes you back onto the bed. In fact, you only spread your legs wider so she can situate herself between them. Then, without wasting another moment, her lips come crashing down onto yours.
It’s always your favorite part of the night; when she kisses you so passionately that you can almost fool yourself into thinking it means something.
This isn’t supposed to mean anything, though.
You assure yourself that the sparks you feel are all make-believe, silently wrestling with the fact that you’ve never once felt this with Owen. Not even close.
Her tongue quickly finds yours in a heated battle for dominance that she’s already lost. There’s no telling just how long this goes on for– you’re so focused on the feeling of her large hands running up and down your body, soothing all the shame you feel about this arrangement as you caress her cheek with your thumb.
It’s a loving gesture. Too loving, Abby thinks. She shouldn’t enjoy it so much, but she does.
When she pulls away, your half-lidded eyes land on the redness on her face, her swollen lips, her hair that’s all messy from your wandering fingers. The dim light from the bedside lamp casts a glow to one side of her face, and a shadow on the other. The thumb that was once on her cheek starts moving toward her mouth, until it pushes past her waiting lips and she accepts it with a pleased hum.
You watch her intently as you press down on the center of her tongue. Her brows furrow up and she lets out a whine.
After a few more moments, you pull your thumb from Abby’s mouth and smear her own saliva across her lips. She opens her eyes to look down at you, finally, and you offer a warm smile. “You just take it.” You observe aloud. “Whatever I want, you just let it happen.”
It’s a stark difference from your relationship with Owen. There’s never any concern for what you want; though, to be honest, you wouldn’t be in a relationship with him if you could get actually get what you want. It’d be Abby’s apartment you go to every weekend. There’d be no motel and no deleted messages and no acting like mere acquaintances when Owen gets all of his friends together, including her and you.
If you could get what you wanted, you don’t think you’d ever want anything else ever again.
“Yeah.” She agrees, slightly muffled until you fully pull your hand away. “Whatever you want.”
Part of you feels bad. You have this woman wrapped around your finger, and you have to act like it’s nothing more than a convenience.
In reality, it’s everything to you.
So, the other part of you plans to take whatever you can from her.
“You really mean that?” You ask.
“Would I lie to you?” She asks in return.
You pat her cheek. “Lay down, then.”
Without another word, Abby does as she’s told. The two of you switch positions and she watches you peel off the rest of your clothes, while she lays in a grey sports bra and a pair of boxers.
She starts to feel excited when she thinks you’ll move down further like usual, your face nestled between her legs until you’re pulling orgasm from orgasm out of her.
Her heart nearly stops, though, when she sees you pull off your own panties and begin crawling up her body.
‘Excited’ doesn’t do it justice. You’ve hardly done anything and she already feels like she might die of happiness.
You feel her hands grab your ass, encouraging you to move much faster than you are, and you hesitantly oblige. “You can push me off if you need to, yeah?” You clarify. “Don’t wanna suffocate you or anything.”
Abby nods with a quiet mm-hmm only to appease you, but in her mind, suffocating to death while you sit on her face would be an honor. She’d probably die beneath you before the thought of pushing you off ever crosses her mind. For now, though, you do your best to be gentle as she ushers you to fully hover over her mouth.
Then, she pulls you down onto it.
A strangled moan escapes you when her tongue immediately finds its target, her patience clearly worn thin as she latches to your clit. Your hands fly down to grab her hair in attempt to ground yourself, but if you didn’t know any better, you’d think you’re having an out-of-body experience.
The worst part? Only Abby can make you feel this way.
Guilty, and so, so good.
Maybe she doesn’t know the extent of your feelings, but she knows your body like the back of her hand, and she uses that to her advantage. Her fingers dig into the pillowy flesh above your hip bones, surely hard enough to leave a few bruises, but you never complain about marks until you see them in the morning.
“Abs,” you manage breathlessly, “ease up, baby–”
You’re cut off by another moan as she somehow manages to pull you down further, unrelenting and making it impossible for you to escape. Not that you’d want to, anyways. So, you just grab her hair with one hand and grab the headboard with the other as your eyes flutter shut.
That is, until you hear your phone vibrate on the bedside table. Once, twice, three times; you soon realize that it isn’t stopping.
“Fuck.” You groan.
Abby looks up at you and slightly moves you down so she can speak, seemingly much more entertained by this than you. “Who’s calling?”
“It’s Owen,” you say truthfully, “I was supposed to go over to his place tonight, but here we are.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Wait, you blew him off for me?”
“No shit. I’ll just silence it and pretend I fell asleep.” You grumble. Then, you reach over to grab the phone before she takes a hold of your wrist.
“Answer it.” She says.
You can’t help but laugh despite the forming pit of anxiety in your stomach, because you know that she’s dead serious. “What?”
“You heard me. Answer it or I’ll stop.” She repeats, making your eyes widen.
“…Fine, but can you please—” You’re interrupted by Abby pressing the green button for you, and you quickly bring the phone towards your ear.
The sound of Owen’s voice makes your chest feel tight. “Hey,” he says with an obvious concern in his voice. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
You open your mouth to respond, but you can only let out a gasp when you feel Abby’s lips wrap around your clit. Thankfully, her tongue moves more slowly than before, deciding to show you some mercy. “Yeah,” you breathe, “yeah, I fell asleep– I’m sorry, I really don’t feel good today. Think I might’ve caught something.”
It’s a pathetic excuse, but you can only hope he buys it. “Oh, that’s… uh, not good.” He mumbles, which makes you roll your eyes. “Do you want me to bring anything to your place? I have this cold medicine that could literally heal the bubonic plague, and I’m pretty sure I have some soup in one of these cabinets somewhere,”
You can hear him rummaging around on the other line. “No!” You blurt out. The last thing you need is Owen stopping by just to find out that you aren’t home. “No, I’m okay. Appreciate it, though.”
“You sure? If you’re worried about me getting sick, I can just leave it outside the door.” He continues.
“Really, Owen, it’s fine. Pretty sure I’ll feel better in the morning,” you assure him.
He sighs. “Whatever you say. Just let me know if you change your mind, okay? I’ll bring whatever you need.”
He’s kind. Too kind, considering your current situation. Abby’s mouth is latched to the most sensitive parts of you, her blue eyes staring up at you as you try your hardest to keep your voice steady. She kneads at the back of your thighs, getting you into a rhythm while you rut against her tongue.
All the while, you’re on the phone with a man who deserves much better. You’re aware of this. You tilt your head back with a shaky sigh.
“Okay,” you reply, “thanks, Owen. ‘Night.”
You don’t even wait for him to say it back before you hang up the phone, quickly throwing it off of the bed onto the carpeted floor. Abby smiles, and you can feel it. You reach down to grab a handful of her hair and pull it as hard as you can– which isn’t very hard, but it still makes her whine. “Fuck you,” you huff, thighs tensing on either side of her head, “I’m so close, Abs.”
Any annoyance you feel is overshadowed by the orgasm creeping up on you much quicker than usual. You already know that you’ll never forgive yourself for being so turned on by something so horrible.
Abby sticks her tongue out so that you can ride it, letting out moans of encouragement as you finally tip over the edge. Your mouth falls open and a gush of wetness fills Abby’s, which she happily laps up with her warm tongue. Her hands wander over your shivering body, listening to your muffled moans with her eyes trained on your face; more specifically, the tears that begin to run down your cheeks.
It doesn’t take much longer for you to crawl off of her face and crash into the bed beneath you, much to Abby’s dismay, but she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she crawls to your side, placing a strong arm over your stomach so she can pull you closer.
Though all of your instincts scream to push her away, you just curl into her and bury your face in the crook of her neck. She thinks maybe, just maybe, everything is fine; of course, until she hears you let out a quiet sob. One of her hands comes up to rub your back, a soothing gesture that only makes you cry harder.
“Hey,” Abby whispers, “are you… did I do something wrong? Was it the phone thing? ‘Cause if it is, I’m really sorry, I should’ve—”
“It isn’t that.” You mutter.
It’s only a half-lie. Honestly, you aren’t crying because you spoke to your boyfriend as if you weren’t hooking up with his ex, no. You’re crying because you thought it was the hottest thing ever.
“Isn’t it, though?” She questions. “Seriously, I fucked up and I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t fuck up, Abs– I swear, it’s not you, it’s just… this. All of this. I don’t like it.” You do your best to reassure her, but it only causes more confusion.
“What, and you think I do? Because I don’t. I like you, though, so I deal with it. That’s what we agreed to.” Abby says. You can tell she’s upset no matter how gentle her voice is. There’s a certain bite to it, a venom that you’re quick to pick up on. “He’s my friend too, you know. This isn’t easy for me either.”
This comment makes you rear back a bit, looking up at her with furrowed brows. “I know that, Abby. None of this is easy for either of us. He’s my boyfriend, and he was yours at one point, too.”
“Don’t remind me,” she scoffs.
You give her a stern look. “I’m serious. This is gonna end one way or another. Someone’s gonna find out.”
Her grip on your waist tightens. “No one’s gonna find out if we don’t let them find out.”
“You don’t know that.” You shake your head. “All it takes is one fuck up.”
“So, what do you wanna do? You wanna break this off now and go back to being acquaintances?” Abby asks, voice raised defensively.
“Obviously not!” You yell, sitting up and dragging the comforter along so you can cover yourself. “I love you, Abby. I love being with you and talking to you and—”
“Don’t fuckin’ say that.” She interrupts you, which is probably for the better.
It’s different for Abby, being one of Owen’s closest friends, because he’s unaware of how well she knows you and so he feels comfortable confiding in her about your relationship. A big problem he seems to have is that you’ve never once said the word love. Not to him, at least. Not about him.
Yet, here you are, throwing that word around just for her.
She wants to feel honored, but she finds herself only feeling guilt. The kind that makes her throat tighten and her heart drop.
You groan in frustration. “But it’s true!”
“So make it untrue!” She shouts back. “You can’t just… say shit like that, and expect me to be okay with it. You’re supposed to love Owen.”
A confession bubbles up in your chest, one that you know you should shake away, but your mouth moves before your brain can catch up. “But I don’t.” You mumble. “I want to. I just can’t.”
Abby stares at you like she’s seen a ghost. All conversations she’s had with Owen about you– ones about how he’d propose to you someday, wondering if you’d want to have kids, asking if it was too early on in the relationship to think about saving for a house– they all become null. The worst part? Abby thinks she might know exactly how you feel. “You can’t? What does that mean?” She asks.
“Exactly what it sounds like.” You reply. “I try, but I can’t. We go on dates, and the whole time, I’m just waiting for it to be over. We watch a movie together, and I pretend to fall asleep so he doesn’t try anything. It’s exhausting, Abby. None of it feels right. Every single fucking guy I’ve been with– it never feels right. The only relief has been you.”
Abby listens to your rant with a blank expression, reaching up to wipe some stray tears from your cheeks with her thumb. “So, you’re gay.” She says.
You quickly grab her wrist and shove her hand away. “I’m not gay.” You hiss.
She sighs. “You just sat on my face. You’re a little gay.”
“Okay, fine, maybe a little!” You throw your hands up defensively. “But I don’t like other women. I like you.”
Truthfully, it’s all too much for Abby to take in at once; she does her best to appear, knowing her best bet is to calm you down, but she can’t imagine how much it would break Owen to know this. To know that he’s now been left by two women due to a sexuality crisis. Would he think it’s his fault? Would he guess that Abby had something to do with it? She likes you too, maybe more than she knows, but it’s an impossible situation.
When you’re met with silence on Abby’s end, you continue. “You’re gonna think I’m horrible for this, but it’s true; I’ve been waiting for him to fuck up so I have a reason to leave him. Some nights, he tells me he’s going to a party and I’ll go to sleep hoping I wake up to a text from Manny about how Owen got a little too drunk and some girl looked enough like me,” you shrug, “I’ve had that scenario in my head for weeks. It’s so convenient.”
“You’re fucked up,” Abby shakes her head, “fantasizing about him cheating while you’re sleeping with his friend? Jesus.”
“But it’s true, right? Then I could just leave him. No goodbye, no nothing. I’d give him all his sweatshirts back and let him see me wearing yours instead.” You say, and she immediately recognizes that tone in your voice. Something dark, something you put on when you know what you want and you’re set on getting it.
It hurts to hear you talk about her friend like he’s nothing more than an obstacle. It hurts even more to know that, deep down, she’d felt the exact same way once.
Wishing he’d leave her, knowing that he never would.
“Yeah.” She huffs, now visibly doing her best to avoid eye contact. Her eyes skitter around the room and it doesn’t take long for you to regret speaking your mind. “That sounds like an easy way out, but you should know by now that there’s nothing easy about being with Owen. Nothing’s easy about cheating, either.”
You nod in agreement. There’s a heavy silence after that, one that leaves you both staring down and biting your cheeks and feeling like all your sins had been laid out in front of you. The weight of it all is overbearing, but still so worth it.
“It’s easier with you,” you mutter after a minute, “and I know you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t feel the same.”
“I wouldn’t.” Abby agrees, deciding to leave it at that. “Do you… uh, do you wanna stay the night? Here, with me?”
Finally, your eyes meet hers, and she hates the way this simple action reignites the spark inside of her. You tilt your head. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t really return the favor, huh?”
Her jaw clenches, teeth grinding together as she fights back a smile. She shouldn’t be so infatuated with you– your every movement, every word– but she is.
The smile escapes her efforts and she shakes her head. “No. No, you didn’t.”
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zombholic · 5 months
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HE’S SO LUCKY PT. 3 — abby anderson
summary — warning: do not fall in love with a straight girl, or do you never know.
description — outbreak!abby, poc fem!reader, frenemies, angsty, SMUT MDI, switch!abby, switch!reader, inexperienced abby, comphet!abby, TW MENTION OF OWEN.
authors note — is this what yall wanted 😁🙌🏽 guys i was listening to taylor swift which is why its so dramatic …
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The whole way back to base was lingered in silence, tension and anger. You were quick to make your way to your room, grabbing your shower supplies before heading to the the communal showers living in the apocalyptic world didn’t stop you from smelling good, you truly were more worried for your hygiene than the clicker that was attacking you.
Letting the water fall onto you was so blissful, hearing the doors open you opened your eyes only to meet those blue ones you longed for. Rolling your eyes at the blonde you turned to face the shower head, you discreetly watched as she undressed and took her undid her long braid.
Abby’s hair fell to her lower back, you shouldn’t be looking at her like this but my god we don’t call her Abs for nothing. Quickly adverting your eyes you lathered up the soap all over your body.
“Can we please talk.” She broke the silence, all you could do was sigh heavily turning your head to face her now drenched hair and body under the shower.
“While we’re naked? Classy Abs.” You spoke with sarcasm your eyes fighting the urge to lower your eyes from her face to her chest.
“It’s only us in here and I really need to talk to you, please?” She gave you that puppy face that made you melt.
“Speak.” You licked your teeth now shampooing your hair, eyes now shut to avoid it getting in them.
“Ever— ever since you kissed me I’ve been feeling things, at first I thought I was just confused but Y/n I think I have feelings for you?” You felt your heart stop beating for a second only to start racing you swore it was showing through your chest.
Swallowing deeply you licked your lips, rising the shampoo off your hair. Turning your head you looked at her, nervously biting your bottom lip.
“Abby, you’re in love with Owen and I don’t want to be your little experiment.” She was now inching towards you, both of you still completely naked in the showers.
“I don’t love him, Y/nn, I think I love you.” She placed her hands on your waist, looking at you so lovingly it made your stomach churn.
“No, no, we can’t, this is wrong, we are wrong—“ You pushed her hands off your wet body, turning off the water and quickly wrapping your body in your towel.
“You’re just saying that because you realized what I told you earlier was true and now you want to fuck with my head.” You rambled collecting your things, you didn’t know what to feel? You wanted this, you wanted her, you have her why are you pushing her away?
“Y/n, please.” You heard her voice break a little, it ached your heart but you knew she wasn’t over Owen.
Shaking your head you left the showers and made your way to your dorm that you shared with some scientist that you couldn’t even bother to remember her name.
A few days past by after Abby’s love confession you were still very baffled by everything but luckily today you weren’t assigned to go on patrol, you gave Leah your word that you would hangout with her and to be honest you need to talk to someone about what happened and what better person than your best friend.
There you laid on her bed looking at all the polaroids she took, you imagined that in the real world she would’ve been one of those people who took pictures for a living, just can’t get your mind to remember what the word was. You lingered at the picture she took of you and Abby, your names written on the bottom.
Y/n + Abby.
“I need your advice.” You sighed turning your head to look at your friend who was trying to organize her backpack. Her head shot up, tongue poking out meaning she was very concentrated.
“Huh.” She nodded her head, hands now behind her as she leaned back now giving you her attention.
“Abby told me she loved me.” You saw as her eyes widened and jaw dropped.
“When were you gonna tell me this? And isn’t that a good thing? You don’t seem happy about it.” She tilted her head with thousands of questions spilling out.
“I feel like she was just saying that to mess with me cause I told her that Owen doesn’t love her.” You shrugged your shoulder now sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“Y/n, you stupid bitch, Abby isn’t like that, she never was and she sure doesn’t just tell anyone that she loves them romantically.” She hit your leg, you scoffed now biting on the edge of your nails.
You two decided to head down to the cafeteria for a quick meal, you just wanted to get Abby off your mind for a second. Grabbing yourself a burrito you guys sat at the table her boyfriend was sat at with his friends, your eyes roamed around the cafeteria a slight part of you wishing Abby was here.
It’s like your wish came true in the worst way, you saw the tall blonde chatting away with her ex. You felt sick to your stomach, she did lie to you, why was she so happy talking to him. Putting the burrito down knowing if you took another bite you would throw up.
Getting up from your seat you walked over to her, she turned her head hearing loud footsteps approaching the side of her only for her eyes to widen like she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.
“You’re a piece of shit Abby.” You shoved her shoulders hard enough for her back to hit the fall.
“No Y/n, this isn’t what it looks like—“ You couldn’t even let her finish speaking, tears threatening to spill down your face so you shook your head and walked away, back to your room.
You heard her chasing after you, calling out your name from behind you, when you reached the door of your room you turned on your heels to face her, jaw clenched and fist balled up.
“Fuck you, I knew you were lying to me.” You tried to steady your breathing trying so hard not to punch her in the face.
“Oh my god Y/n, how many times do I have to tell you that I love you! I only want you!” She shouted causing you to flinch a little.
“Then prove it Abby, prove that you love me!” The tears now spilling down your cheeks so suddenly it broke her heart.
She cupped your face in her hands, her own tears starting to fall down her face. Leaning down she pressed her lips against your puffy ones, the kiss filled with so much passion you could only deepen it. She was the first to pull away her eyes fluttering open, you looked up at her through your wet lashes, wrapping your arms around her neck you pulled her back into you kissing her deeply.
She opened the door to your room, shutting it behind her as she grabbed the back of your thighs and had you wrap them around her waist, never breaking the kiss. She walked over to your bed gently placing you on your back.
“You’re so beautiful.” She mumbled into the kiss, you swore you could’ve combusted at that.
Her lips leaving yours to trail down your jaw down to your neck, nibbling and sucking until she left your neck freckled with her love bites. She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it somewhere on your floor, her hands grabbing the hem of yours repeating the same action done to her.
Her eyes were so soft but her lips were even softer as she kissed down the valley of your chest, fingers snaking behind your bra to unclasp it letting it fall off, she felt like she was in heaven not hesitating to fondle them in her enormous hands.
Her lips connected with your perky nipple, looking up at you with those puppy eyes, your fingers behind her neck pushing her closer.
“More, please.” You let out a breathy sigh, you felt your arousal pooling in your panties.
Her hands came down to your jeans, unbuttoning and pulling them off you along with your panties, she was kneeled down by the edge of your bed as she spread your legs apart. She almost moaned at the sight of your soaked cunt.
“Did I do this baby?” She half joked peppering little kisses around your inner thighs.
“Mhmm.” You nodded sinking your teeth into your bottom lip “Need you Abs.” You whimpered out.
She tossed your legs over her shoulders, trying to go off what pleased her. Her thick fingers parting your cunt watching as your needy pussy clenched at the air. She slipped in her two fingers curling them the way she died for.
“Oh my— fuck Abby.” You whimpered feeling so full with just her fingers.
Her pace quickend the sound of your squelching pussy and her fingers drilling into you made her head fuzzy.
“Like this baby? You like that?” Her eyes never leaving your blissed out face, needing to know you were feeling good.
“Yes baby, keep doing that, makin’ me feel s’good.” You assured her, your fingers gripping onto her hair.
Her lips wrapped around your clit sucking on it causing your legs to shake, mouth forming an O shape as you chanted her name over and over again.
“Abby, Abby fuck I’m gonna cum baby.” You whined your stomach knotting that familiar feeling.
“Cum all over my face pretty girl, give it to me.” She moaned into your pussy sending you over the edge.
Your orgasm hitting you like a thousand bricks, eyes rolling to the back of your head the only thing in your brain was the sound of static. She helped you ride out the intense sensation, slipping her fingers out and sucking on them moaning at the taste of your juices.
“C’mere.” You grabbed her jaw pulling her up to you, smashing your lips against hers, teeth clashing.
You had her lay down on the bed, slipping her cargos off leaving her boy shorts on. Your head leaned against her muscular thigh as your thumb rubbed her clit through her shorts lazily.
“Baby please don’t tease.” Her voice rasped, begging for you to give her what she was aching for.
You hovered your face over her happy trail, tongue tracing down the line before leaving kissing along her v-line. Your fingers hooked onto her panties slipping them off, seeing how her pussy was basically drooling for you.
“Such a pretty girl, pretty pussy.” Your arms hooked under her thighs fingers digging into her flesh.
Your tongue lapped up her cunt, savoring her taste like it was the last meal on earth. Her fingers were quick to grab your hair, you sucked on her puffy pink clit, your tongue sliding into her cunt eating her like your life depended on it.
“Baby, fuck you’re fuckin me so good.” She grunted out riding her clit on your nose, the smell of her made you feral.
The room was filled with the most pornographic noises and the smell of sex. Her moans were getting needier, louder, god if it was possible you snuck your tongue in deeper inside of her.
“Cummin, m’cumming baby.” The grip she had on your hair tightened so good, you felt her cum seep down your chin causing you to suck up all her juices making her cry out feeling overstimulated.
“Fuck I love you Anderson.” You giggled wiping your chin with the back of your hand.
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whatwouldsylwrite · 10 months
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At least I got you in my head (4)
(3)
Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.
Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.
Notes: Happy pride month, guys! I feel like I committed a hate crime with this chapter, so I'm sorry. It's also longer than previous chapters by 2k. And um, the "hate crime" part (not literal hate crime, just some angst) is rushed because I really didn't enjoy writing it :/
Black haired girl is Yoon Jiwoo from My Name, and she is a badass, if you want to see some female violence go watch some edits of her.
Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)
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Caitlyn was again looking like a zombie, sipping her bitter coffee slowly. You were sitting in the coffee shop on the campus, and Caitlyn looked at you like a grumpy cat. Or a very pissed off cat. 
Caitlyn wasn't happy you distracted her (saved from exhaustion) from her studies (staring at her paper for an hour). But you didn't care as long as she sat with you and decompressed with her disgusting bitter 3-shots-of-espresso coffee. 
"You look like shit." You told Caitlyn and she glared at you. "You need to spend your weekend just sleeping for 30 hours. You can't do this to yourself."
"I'm fine." Caitlyn scoffed, but accepted the doughnut you slipped to her. "Thanks."
"I swear I will stay at your place for the weekend."
"I don't think you can be separated from Abby for so long, (y/n). Quite frankly, it makes me worried." 
Oh god, Cait had her detective face on, like she was solving a puzzle right now, and it made you nervous. 
"Why?"
"Well." Cait sipped her coffee. "You have the gay yearning in your eyes. Are you, perhaps, falling in love with her?"
"No." You cut sternly, surprising yourself. You didn't expect yourself to have such a strong reaction. "I'm not falling for a straight girl."
"Maybe falling was a strong word. You're crushing on her." The word crushing sounded so alien from Cait.
"It's manageable." You shrugged, not wanting to discuss your own weakness, but not wanting to lie to Caitlyn either. "I know I don't have a chance."
"This is quite upsetting." Caitlyn said and squeezed your hand. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"I won't, I promise. I'm not stupid." You winked and drank your coffee. "Do you want to come to her fight on Friday?"
"I have to finish that paper." Caitlyn groaned. She noticed how you narrowed your eyes on her. "I swear, I won't study during the weekend. But if I push myself I can finish it."
"I'll be at your door at 12pm on Saturday. We will go outside, have a walk in the park, go to the bookshop or whatever nerdy place you want to visit. We both can use some downtime."
Caitlyn sighed but didn't protest.
"I'll text you when I go to sleep. Count 8 hours and then show up."
You nodded, proud of Caitlyn compromising on this topic. She didn't like "wasting time" but if you said it was for your benefit too she usually agreed. You trapped her in taking care of herself by thinking she was taking care of you, and it worked well. 
"Ask Ellie to come with you to Abby's fight. I'm sure she is going to be there anyway."
"You're right." You smiled and took your phone out. You still had Ellie's number from months ago. "Have you talked to her?"
"Yes. We study together from time to time, and sometimes I invite her to play chess." 
"Good. I'm happy you found your nerdmate." You smiled at Caitlyn and she smiled back. "Or is there something else?"
"No, we're friends. Not the kind you are with Abby." Cait looked pointedly at you. "I may be speculating, but I have a feeling she is not as straight as she thinks she is."
"Well, what do you want me to do? 'Hey, Abby, I know you're so deep in the closet you met fucking Aslan but how about you change your entire worldview because I have a crush on you that I totally can get over?'" You scrunched your nose, irritated at nothing in particular. 
"Obviously not that." Caitlyn frowned like she usually did when she was stategising, as if she could find a way to get you and Abby together because she was just that smart. "Well, I think you should start dating again."
You shrugged and looked down at your phone. 
to: Ellie Williams
Hi, it's (y/n)
Are you going to Abby's fight on Friday?
from: Ellie Williams
Hi
Yeah
Wanna go together?
to: Ellie Williams
Yes
from: Ellie Williams
cool 
I'll meet you there
"I'm not going to use other people in order to get over Abby. I'm not fighting fire with fire." You said, continuing your conversation with Cait. 
"You could use a distraction." Caitlyn shrugged in return. 
"I'll just find someone to tutor." 
"And I'm a workaholic with bad habits?" Cait muttered under her breath and bit down on her second doughnut. 
Thursday nights were usually booked for the time to unwind for both of you: you'd come home late, tired and hungry after classes and lessons on campus, Abby would be already home, studying in the living room for her usual seminar on Friday, also tired. 
Abby heard the keys as you opened the door and in a few minutes you appeared in the living room.
"Hi." Abby's chest tightened at your small, quiet voice and she looked at you. 
"Hey." She said gently and panicked, not really understanding why. "You look like shit." Nice save, Anderson.
"I feel like shit." You shrugged and went to your room to take your change of clothes. 
Abby took a deep breath, trying to get her panic under control - what was that? What, she wasn't allowed to be gentle with her friends anymore? What the fuck her brain was playing at? That was concerning. For some reason she kept creating excuses why it was okay to touch you, and that wasn't even the weird, selfish part. The weird part was - why did she even need to create excuses? She was touchy with her friends, and you were touchy too, it wasn't any different from her friendship with Ellie.
But somehow it was, and Abby was confused. She tried to act chill and normal around you, sometimes getting a little more sarcastic than usual. It didn't seem to bother you, but Abby got embarrassed every time she'd suddenly treat you a little rougher because she'd get this weird panic. Honestly, it was pissing her off - you were nice to her, gentle even, and she was acting like a school boy, tugging on your pigtails. 
Just like now. You didn't look like shit, you looked lovely despite being tired, and Abby had a fucking knee jerk reaction to god knows what. 
You came back from the shower, smelling like you, and you sat next to Abby, putting your head on her shoulder. Abby stopped typing, her heart doing a micro somersault: you were so close so suddenly it scared her. Or whatever she kept telling herself, really. 
"I wanna die."
"You're just hungry." Abby murmured and pretended to be concentrating on her studies. "There's leftovers from yesterday or I can order something for you."
You made a tired sound and Abby chuckled. 
"What do you want? Thai? Indian?" 
"Nah, don't waste money, I'll cook something."
"I'm not 'wasting money'. You're tired as fuck." I want to take care of you, she wanted to say, but she was being weird again, so she didn't. "Just pick."
"Let's do rock paper scissors."
Abby won and ordered your usual while you went through the endless list of tv shows for both of you to watch. Now, when you weren't that close, Abby got back to studying - her weird panic could wait until she was done. In Abby's mind her gpa was way harder to fix than whatever emotional things she had going on. 
"Cait really likes Ellie." You said offhandedly, and Abby perked up. "In a friendly way."
"Really?" 
Abby was surprised for two reasons: Ellie had a temper and was only likeable when she was interested in someone sexually, and Cait was so out of her league it was ridiculous. 
"Yeah. They play chess and study together. Cait doesn't study with people, so I guess Ellie is special in that way."
"Wow." Abby chuckled. "I mean, Ellie is extremely smart. Is it your type?" Abby teased, continuing the bit about you crushing on Ellie. However something in her grew anxious at the thought of learning what your type was.
"It's more about her arms, you know." You laughed, looking a little embarrassed at the admission. 
Something felt hot in Abby’s chest as she looked down at her own arms. She looked back at you and flexed her bicep to see your reaction, and it was worth it: you looked dazed for a second before quickly looking away, flustered. Abby laughed at you and you hit her on her arm, embarrassed. 
“Fuck you.” You laughed too, and Abby felt too good in this moment, just laughing and teasing you; she never wanted it to end. "What is your type?"
Abby blinked. Her type? She never gave it a thought before: relationships weren’t something she was too invested in, it never seemed to be worth the effort. She never experienced this head over heels love everyone was talking about, so she never cared to run after boys.
"I don't really have a type." Abby said, thinking back to her not-so-long list of exes. "You know, with men if he is not an asshole it's already a win."
You laughed and Abby smiled, her confusion about not having a type going away.
"Great, we're definitely going to have a perfect love life with these standards." You chuckled and laid back on the sofa, letting Abby get back to her study. 
Abby's favourite part of Thursdays was happening around 10pm, when you'd finish washing the dishes - today it was putting everything in the bin - and Abby'd get her excessive amount of pillows and blankets so you two could cuddle and watch the next episode of the ridiculous show you both were too invested in. 
"Come on, come here." Abby said a little impatiently while you were putting some pillows away. 
"I'm not the one who made a fucking fort out of pillows." You grumped but soon enough you put your head on Abby's shoulder, your hands tucked in front of your chest. Abby always expected you to hug her around her middle, but you never did, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. 
Sometimes, very rarely, when you'd get too tired, you'd fall asleep on Abby's chest, and Abby never had the heart to wake you up. You already showered, everything was clean and you didn't have any tasks to do, so why would she wake you up? Just so you could walk to your bedroom, your sleep interrupted? No. 
Abby looked down where your head was, curious if you were asleep after the episode ended, but you looked up just as she lowered her head, and fuck you were too close. So close Abby's heart fucking malfunctioned and started beating five times faster. She could feel your breath on her face and something was demolishing under her ribcage - it happened in a matter of seconds and you moved away, creating the distance between you, but Abby was so scared in that moment she didn't breathe. 
"Do you need to study?" You asked as you moved away and sat next to her. Abby tried not to feel disappointed at losing your warmth. 
"I'm done, actually. I feel kinda confident about tomorrow, you know?"
Abby stood up and started tidying up the living room, putting everything in its place.
"You're smart, Abby. You'd nail that seminar, I promise." 
"Thanks, (y/n). You're coming tomorrow to my fight, right?"
"Yeah. I even cleared my schedule for it." You said, pleased with yourself and Abby smiled. "But I'll kill you if you get hurt, you hear me? No missing punches."
Abby laughed and came closer to you, refusing to feel weird about being affectionate with you. It was fine. 
"I will be careful, I promise." Abby murmured as she leaned down and kissed your forehead. "Don't want to get in trouble with a woman who feeds me."
"Damn right." You said sternly. "Good night, Abby."
"Night, (y/n)."
You only had a vague idea about MMA fights: you were never really interested in sports, let alone violent sports, but well, Abby invited you so you decided to give it a shot. You weren't sure you'd like it (seeing Abby being punched? No thank you), but Abby wouldn't have invited you if it wasn't important to her, right?
Or were you fantasising again? Making a big deal out of nothing? Fuck, it was getting harder and harder to keep yourself in check with these things. Abby was sweet, and you were weak for sweet girls. 
You tried not to get delusional when your suspicion got too strong - was it intuition or wishful thinking? Were you seeing things that weren't there or were you ignoring what was? You didn't know, and yeah, it was manageable, but also - it drove you crazy. You couldn’t live like this, questioning Abby’s every move and every word.
Maybe you should have talked to her about the possibility of her not being straight, but her best friend was a lesbian, surely Abby had a moment to reflect on her own sexuality like some straight girls did when they found out their friend was gay. Abby was smart, she’d have figured it out already. 
God you thought you weren’t that stupid, but you were failing not to fall for Abby for a month and a half already. Hubris is a bitch, huh.
Ellie met you outside the place where the fight would take place fifteen minutes before the start. She looked good, as attractive as always - yes, (y/n), you needed to look at women you actually had a chance with, good job, keep it up - and the look she gave you suggested she thought the same about you. She even took your hand in hers as she led you to your seats, and you didn’t protest - somehow Ellie being touchy felt natural, and her cool hand felt nice on your skin. You sat together and you looked around.
“There’s supposed to be medics around, right?” 
“Yeah, but Abby doesn’t get super injured, she’ll be fine.”
“Have you seen her face? I almost went into cardiac arrest when I saw her.” 
“That’s her usual day at practice.” Ellie shrugged, her thigh warm against yours as she moved closer to hear you better. “Don’t worry, she can take a lot more than that. She is tough and intimidating, and she actually knows how to duck. But if you tell her I said it - your ass is grass.”
You laughed at Ellie's words and she smiled back. She explained to you how the fight was going to happen, and you felt a little hopeful - how much damage can happen in a five minute round? Not a lot, right? Right?
There were other fights too, and you had time to adjust to the overall violence of it all. You didn't know the girls who were fighting, but even then when a stranger got hit you couldn't help but flinch. Ellie noticed how stressed you were getting, so she took your hand in hers to ground you. The touch was definitely easy between the two of you, and it was comforting, so you squeezed her hand back. 
"I don't know if I'd survive this." You laughed and Ellie squeezed your hand back. 
"Look, they're all fine. No blood, no bruises." 
"The standards are too low, Ellie. You're in sports too, right?"
"If you call skateboarding a sport then yeah. I'm a hell of an athlete." Ellie snorted. 
"You should've taken Abby with you." 
"Babe, she has been in martial arts since she was four. I'm pretty sure she'd have kicked my ass if I asked her to leave MMA."
You laughed at this, a little bit confused: Ellie was behaving like Ellie you knew, not Ellie that was studying with Cait three times a week. The difference was intriguing. 
Finally Abby's name was announced and you got tense, bracing yourself. But when she walked to the cage, you forgot how to breathe for a totally different reason: she was so intimidating and confident, her defined shoulders rolled back in a threat, and you just couldn't help yourself. She was hot. She was so hot you pressed your thighs together as your eyes roamed over her trained body that screamed power and dominance, her top and shorts letting you see her abs and thighs that could crush your head if Abby wanted to. Fuck. 
Mark you as scared and horny. 
Her opponent was similar to her in size, and you watched with wide eyes as they approached each other after the bell rang. Abby was light on her feet, not too fast as previous fighters, but she timed her punches well, immediately cornering her opponent. But the girl was quick to recover as she landed some punches on Abby's side with her legs and you gasped, terrified.
"Abby's okay." Ellie said to you and you finally exhaled, not looking away from the cage. 
It was the most stressful eighteen minutes of your life, and the relief you felt when Abby was getting the upper hand and she was punching instead of getting punched, was immeasurable. Abby didn't really let her opponent corner her, her face had that calculated expression as if she knew every way this fight could go. That was comforting, but not as comforting as hearing the last bell and seeing Abby's black glove raised in the air to show her win. 
"That was so intense." You admitted as you relaxed in your seat and Ellie laughed, her hands stroking your thigh. 
"Believe me, it wasn't. You need to watch Abby's previous fights, there's some intense shit."
"No thank you." You said. "Do we wait for her or? What the fuck we are supposed to do, actually?"
"She told me to meet her at the party, so we can head out. Are you going to the party?"
"I dunno." You admitted sheepishly. "I have plans tomorrow."
"Come on, it will be fun. You can leave early and still get your beauty sleep. I can even set an alarm for you, Cinderella."
"Okay-okay. I'll leave at midnight." 
Abby arrived at the party a little later than she planned, but at least everyone was already having fun and not yet wasted. She quickly grabbed a beer and went through people to find Ellie and then find you - in Abby's head you were supposed to be with her. Ellie, however, was talking to her other friends - that was how Abby referred to anyone Ellie befriended in university - she was laughing and you were nowhere in sight. 
Ellie noticed her and went for a hug, patting her back.
"(Y/n) said your fight was 'so intense'." Ellie laughed and Abby laughed too, because they both knew Abby had way worse fights. "Congrats on not having your ribs broken."
"You're so sweet." Abby said mockingly. "What did I do to have such a supportive, caring best friend?"
"Nothing you should be proud of." 
"Have you seen (y/n)? I kinda thought she'd be with you."
"Yeah, she was talking to some girl." Oh. "Close to the bar." 
Something not really pleasant filled Abby's chest after Ellie's words, something like disappointment. She expected to see you there, but you were somewhere else, talking to someone else. 
Abby took a sip of her beer and went in the direction Ellie told her to find you. And yes, there you were, talking to a black haired girl Abby didn't know. It looked like the conversation was friendly, and the other girl didn't stand too close to you, which brought Abby relief - what the fuck was wrong with her? Why was she so uncomfortable with seeing you with someone else? What the fuck?
She walked through people to get closer to you, and when you turned your head you saw her and smiled. Abby smiled back and watched you touch the other girl's forearm, saying your goodbyes. The girl smiled at you and motioned at her phone as you nodded before she started to walk away. When Abby came to you, the girl wasn't there anymore and your smile was only directed at Abby, and it calmed her down, the normalcy of your life getting back. 
"Congratulations!" You hugged Abby tightly and she hugged back, stroking your back on instinct. 
"Did you like it?" Abby already knew the answer, but she really wanted to tease you. 
"Liked seeing people getting punched? No."
"But what about all those arms, hm?" 
"I swear to god, Abby." You elbowed her and Abby laughed. 
"Was it your friend?" Abby asked cautiously, trying to pass her curiosity as something casual. 
"Hm?"
"The girl you were talking to. I didn't want to interrupt, sorry." Was she really sorry? Maybe. 
"Oh, don't worry." You said, not answering Abby's question, and it made her feel not good. "Are you feeling okay though?"
"You're such a mother hen." Abby rolled her eyes. "My side is bruised, and she got my lip, but otherwise I'm fine."
"Great."
Abby spent the next hour glued to your side, talking to you: it was fun to be with you outside your shared apartment. Yeah, you spent time together on weekends, but being around a lot of people Abby knew and showing who she was friends with (yup, people knew you because you were a tutor on campus and a lot of them swore they got their credits thanks to you) was a cool feeling. Abby felt cool because she was friends with you. 
"I have plans tomorrow with Caitlyn." You said as you checked the time on your phone. "I'll head out."
"Already?"
"Yeah. But you have fun, okay? Call me if you need me." 
"Need you?" Abby raised her eyebrow.
"What if you get so drunk you'd need assistance?" You teased and hugged Abby. "Have fun! See you at home."
"Okay, mom." Abby laughed and watched you leave, just a bit sad. 
She found Ellie and hung out with her friends until she needed a refill of her beer. And while she was waiting for her beer, someone scooted closer to her and coughed, catching her attention. 
Abby turned her head to see a guy her age with a stubble. He smiled at her and Abby smiled back, a little confused.
"I was at your fight today." He said as he looked her over, and Abby got thrills from his attention. "You know how to throw a punch."
"Thanks." Abby said, pleased. Guys rarely liked the fact she could fuck them up, and hearing a guy saying she was good was ego boosting. 
"I'm Owen." He stretched his hand for a handshake, and Abby took it.
"Abby." 
The vibration of notifications woke you up and you expected to see Caitlyn’s message saying she finally went to sleep. You checked the time - 3am - and looked at your notifications. Indeed, Caitlyn messaged you half an hour ago with “if i see you earlier than 12pm ill kill you”, but there were other notifications. 
from: Abby
Hi im with a boy
sorry
promise we won’t be loud 
Your heart sank, but you didn’t even have time to process your emotions as you heard the front door open and people talking in hushed voices. Of fucking course you woke up just in time to hear Abby come home with a guy. They quickly made their way to Abby’s bedroom, trying to be quiet, but you got hyper aware of every noise. Fuck.
It hurt, and it hurt even more because you were so fucking stupid. You knew from the beginning Abby would never be interested in you because you were a girl, but the safety of your apartment where the two of you existed in your small little bubble made you delusional. 
Abby was just affectionate and touchy, and you were stupid and read it the way you wanted to read it, getting your hopes up. Stupidstupidstupid
You heard the bed creak on the other side of the wall and your throat tightened. Abby liked guys and she was having sex with a guy right now while you felt your heart crush, because you overestimated yourself and thought you could easily manage your feelings. 
The problem was that you forgot that feelings were not manageable and not something you could compromise with. You couldn’t just decide not to feel something and then actually stop feeling it. This mindset trapped you into repression and repression could only go so far, and now the fucking dam was broken. 
You were in love with Abby, and you had no chance and Caitlyn was right: you were hurting yourself. 
You didn’t cry, keeping your composure and snickering at the lack of the noise from the other side: either Abby was very quiet in bed or the sex wasn’t good. That thought made you feel better, not for any noble reason: you were hurt and you wanted Abby to not feel good too, and you didn’t really care at that moment that it wasn’t her fault.
Somehow you fell asleep, not bothered by any noise - that made you smile cruelly again - and you tried not to think about this situation and your own feelings.
Caitlyn was right, you needed a distraction. 
Abby woke up with a pleasant ache in her body and her head hurting just a little. Her bed was empty and she was relieved - she didn’t like to wake up next to someone she barely knew. 
Well, knew enough to have sex with him, but not enough to wake up next to him. Abby genuinely liked Owen - he was easy going and polite, and honestly? Maybe you were right when you said you didn’t really need to know someone to hook up with them. And hey, Abby was so touch-starved she was too touchy with you, so it seemed like a great idea yesterday. It felt like it worked - she was probably too lonely the whole time and now she was relaxed and there was no pull to go and cuddle you. It made her feel guilty - if she stopped wanting to be close to you after she hooked up then it meant she was just selfish this whole time, substituting what she actually needed with whatever she could get from you.
Yeah, she didn’t feel like a good person right now. 
Abby stood up from her bed and assessed the damage: two bruises on her inner thighs and a hickey on her collarbone, not that bad. She didn’t like when guys left marks on her - it mostly caused problems with covering up, but Owen was kinda good with not leaving marks everywhere. 
Abby put her clothes on and made her way to the bathroom when she felt her chest tighten with anxiety: not only Owen was still here, but he was talking to you. Shit. 
Abby felt bad for bringing someone home without actually discussing it with you beforehand and now you were making small talk at 11am with a guy who was supposed to leave a long time ago. 
Owen noticed Abby and smiled at her, and she smiled back. 
“Morning.” He looked down at her neck and Abby blushed a little. 
“Morning.” Abby responded and waited for Owen to come closer to her.
He put his hands on her waist and kissed her on the cheek and Abby melted a little.
“Sorry, I have to go already, but text me anytime.” Owen murmured before leaving a small peck on her lips and Abby nodded. 
Owen left and Abby went to the kitchen where you were drinking tea and looking ready for the day while Abby felt like a mess. The guilt overpowered her and she sat on the chair opposite of you.
“Sorry for yesterday, I know we haven’t discussed bringing people over.” Abby said, but you smiled at her.
“Hey, we are young and horny, can’t blame you for getting your stress relief.” You chuckled kindly, and Abby felt relieved. “He didn't seem like a total asshole.”
Abby laughed, knowing it was a pick at her standards.
“Well, just as you said, don’t really have to know him to hook up with him.”
“See, you’re learning.” You nodded your head approvingly and Abby laughed again. “Actually, while we’re still on the topic, can I bring girls over?”
“I mean, yeah, I think as long as we don’t disturb each other, everything is a fair game.” Who was Abby to deny your own needs when she literally brought a guy over?
“Oh, okay. Thanks.” You didn't look too happy right now, and it confused Abby to a degree, but she didn't ask.
What Abby didn’t know in that moment, that by giving you permission to bring girls over, she started the end of it all.
--------
To: Yoon Jiwoo
Hi! 
Would you like to grab a coffee with me?
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jupiter-va · 8 months
Text
Identity crisis
So, I'm giggling as I type this right now because I feel a little bit stupid!!
So, for the last few weeks, I've been like...having a crisis about my queerness, and it was consuming my brain. Due to some recent realizations, which I won't go into detail on, I realized that I am in fact, NOT bisexual. It threw me into a spiral and I could not function properly. I thought I had all this BS figured out in high school but uh...apparently not. Comphet is a wild beast of an obstacle that I didn't even realize I was struggling with. I won't go into all of the details, but I try to share what I can and what I feel comfy with sharing, and this is something I contemplated making a post about for a bit. After a ton of thinking, I'm very much lesbian. I think I just pushed the notion away for a long time for the sake of potentially having a future where I would be accepted by everyone that is currently in my life, but it's just not realistic of me to live like that. I have a bad habit of doing things for other's that are detrimental to me, and uh, I'm workin on it.
It won't affect my content. I'll still do things for all genders because
I don't wanna switch it up randomly and
These audios aren't really for me to attract anyone personally. It's for the enjoyment of people in general and I have fun making all of my audios, regardless of who they are for. If a good plotline comes to mind, I'm gonna do it.
Anyway. Yeah. Sorry for the random disappearance, I was truly letting this consume my entire brain and I couldn't confidently get in front of my mic and make content with how distracted I was. I promise I will be back on schedule for everything, I have like 2 full audios that I need to edit and post and I'm working on commissions as well.
TL;DR: I beat comphet. I'm lesbian lol💕
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pirates-apologist · 2 months
Text
Ace!Husk/ace!Angel hazbin hotel ramblings
When i first heard that there was a canon asexual character in hazbin i didnt know who it was but two characters automatically came to mind and im BEGGING yall to hear me out about this; husk or angel (or both!!).
I have since learned that its actually alastor but i keep my headcanon/s that either one or both of them is ace too nonetheless.
For your consideration:
For ace Husk:
-Husk is one of the only characters to not express any sexual interest in the episodes we have so far, considering the track record of hazbin/helluva boss thats pretty uncommon
-he literally has ACES on his design
-the whole scene where angel tries to get in his pants and husk says that is never gonna work on him and to cut the act
-how interesting it would be to give angel -a character who had to perform sexually his whole life in order to survive and be validated and appreciated- an asexual partner who doesnt want or expect this from him at all and just loves him for who he is (obviously this could be done without adding asexuality into the mix but i do think it would be a very interesting layer to their relationship)
For ace Angel (HEAR ME OUT):
-his own over-sexualisation and flirty inappropriate persona is stated multiple times to be just an act in order to survive
-ive known quite a couple ace people who have tried to act overly sexual in order to feel like they fit in, similarly to comphet, and angel pushes it for sure
-could lead to a very interesting arc and realizing he doesnt have to perform sexual acts at all if he doesnt want to and husk will still love him and wont expect that of him and that those around him love the real anthony not just the performer angel dust(once again could be done without asexuality involved but its an added layer)
-hes never really seen enjoying a sexual connection in a way that seems genuine and not just him trying to lean into the pornstar persona or get validation
-i think it would be nice to show an ace character that doesnt fit the two archetypes we so often see with ace characters of either the prudish, shy, introverted virgin or the inhuman character with no feelings. Asexuals can be extravagant and social people who wear fun sexy outfits and have had sex too and its damn time we show theres no one way to be asexual
-could lead into more of him realizing and affirming the fact that he has worth and talents outside of porn or sex (already seen a bit in the gangster bar fight scene where he tells husk that he has talents outside of sex too)
Anyway, do i think vivziepop will actually make this canon? No. Do i think it would lead to very interesting character development and relationships? Absolutely. Did i write this at 4 am, didnt proofread at all and just wanted to ramt about my thoughts? Oh yeah.
All of this being said; ill be happy if they dont end up asexual at all its just fun to think about. I would love to hear yall's thoughts about this though
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ectonurites · 10 months
Note
Do you headcannon Cassie as lesbian or bi? And do you think her crush on Kon was comphet or genuine attraction?
personally, a lesbian Cassie truther 🫡
while I don’t think it was the actual intent as written, when I look at the way that initially Kon was a celebrity crush before she ever even met him—and we get her blatantly admitting after trying very hard to change herself into something she’s not to try to impress him… that she got so fixated on the idea of dating him in the first place because ‘everyone’s always speculating about Superman and Wonder Woman’
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(Wonder Woman (1987) #153)
Nothing about the early Kon & Cassie stuff feels like genuine attraction to me, at least NOT on her end. It feels like her pushing herself into things because it’s expected/what she thinks she’s supposed to do.
And by the the time things maybe feel a little closer to romantic, they’d already formed a friendship (and BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF TRAUMATIC STUFF TOGETHER) and it just… to me, feels like the sort of thing where she thinks ‘he’s a boy that i do care about and love a lot because he’s one of my best friends, and since i’m a girl this must be like, romantic love, right?’
Plus the fact that the only other real love interest (pre-n52, n52 Cassie is very different) she has is… Tim when both of them are mourning Kon and that is the only reason they end up even trying to be together, (and it fails catastrophically)… yeah it doesn’t do much for convincing me she’s actually attracted to men. Tim/Cassie was both of them grieving Kon and trying to find comfort in one another because they were all they had left (especially after Bart dies too—before that even when he was alive, once we’re in the OYL era he’s not around them much anymore so they’re still feeling like they only have one another).
in conclusion:
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autisticlancemcclain · 2 months
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What’s your most hated fandom characterization for each of the main 7?
hoo boy am i glad you asked. although i’m gonna be real, my issue is less with fandom characterization, because you do you i don’t give a shit, and more with how people go batty if you personally are not a fan of fanon characterizations.
like, lemme be obvious and talk about my biggest example. i am a brown eyed lance truther. we know this. the amount of weirdo comments, weirdo DMs, and weirdo asks i get is atrocious. i post a lot of them bc they’re so stupid they’re funny but the amount of people per week that tell me to kill myself is lowkey wild. the amount of people that love to say some variation of “i liked your fic but you ruined it by making lances eyes brown! his eyes are blue!” and i’ve checked other brown eyed truther’s fics — either they delete their comments better than me, or they do not get the same thing. idk what the deal is lol.
i will concede to the point that i’m a contrarian and annoying about it, but a list of the following non-fanon headcanons/characterizations i hold that have been commented on in some derisive way:
- bitchy hunk (lol)
- non “cinnamon roll too pure and baby and good for this world” hunk*
- allura is a good character (🤡)**
- allura is a sweetheart
- allura is not a drill sergeant
- kuron was a good iteration of shiro
- red paladin lance/black paladin keith/blue paladin allura
- retired shiro
- pidge is not cruel
- pidge is not an infant and can handle things a regular 14-15 year old can handle
- small details are irrelevant (think lances family, exact prekerb details, etc)
- keith gyeong and lance sanchez
- fucking brown eyed lance. i’m saying it again
- tall keith
- non omega keith***
- readmores
- autistic lance
- adhd keith
- non asshole/cruel keith
- comphetting gay lance****
- shallura
- bi shiro, demi keith, essentially any sexuality headcanon that isn’t mainstream
- hunk who isn’t food obsessed
- that’s about it
*stop infantilising hunk
**the allura hate is ridiculous and largely rooted in anti-Blackness. it should not be a fight to say that she had a reason to feel betrayed by keith’s heritage, that she did not “get in the way” of klance, that her death was stupid and ridiculous, that she is often pushed over in favour of klance (not as in she’s less popular, but that her/her death are used as a plot device to further klance), and that she is as interesting, nuanced, and multifaceted as the rest of them.
***people, inevitably, feminize characters in fandoms (largely because many people in fandom are young women, i know i feminize characters simply bc i’m making them like me and i’m feminine lol), and my issue is that people (in the general sense, not everybody) love to feminize keith and then get really mad if anyone else is feminized. this is not about fem or trans woman keith btw. this is about people omega-ifying him and then losing their MINDS if i don’t share that headcanon.
****i literally only wrote this once and then never again because people lost their minds. but as much as i love bi lance, i think it’s interesting that usually, when we see “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” characters, especially if they have a lot of chemistry or homoerotic tension with a same-gender character, people are like oh ya that’s comphetting. that character is desperately trying to outrun the gay thoughts. but with lance, who was definitely girl crazy and cared more about having a girlfriend than actually dating and falling in love (think “mrs blue lion” — he didn’t give a fuck about who he was marrying, so long that it was a girl), calling him gay will have people saying you’re erasing bisexuality. as if he was not fucking straight in the show. so.
sorry this is so bitter and ranty lol. been in a mood
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almasystem · 2 months
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tell us about harry kim worst vampire, i would like to hear it!
YEAAAAAAA ok. basic premise is this: earth. 2024. harry kim is a vampire, and he kind of sucks at the whole shtick. see, vampires are supposed to kill and disappear their mark so avoid suspicion. i mean, disappearances are less messy than strings of murder, right?
but harry's a nice guy, and so every 2 or 3 months, the local hospital in [city name here] is getting people showing up confused with a huge, bleeding, human bite mark on their neck and $200 clenched in their hand. (harry figures that they deserve some compensation for being a human capri sun.) they recover almost completely very quickly with painkillers amd rest, but there's one thing in common: nobody remembers jack about what they were doing.
and then one day, tom paris gets drunk at a bar, and comws to his senses in an alleyway, holding $200, with his phone on the ground and a blurry picture of dark hair on the screen. also, the nagging image of a very handsome face that he can barely remember that lurks in his tramadol-induced dreams for the next 5 days.
theres SO much more but to tl:dr a lot of it:
the coven consists of: janeway, harry's mentor from the 1800s; tuvok, from the 1600s; harry, from the 1980s; and chakotay, janeway's human boytoy (and ex-hunter who was originally trying to kill her).
b'elanna is tom's girlfriend (who he has pre-existing relationship issues with [this is NOT here as a b'elanna hate train thing because i am very aware some voyager fans do that. this is here as they both deserve better than a comphet romance that was heavily pushed by circumstance and a feeling on their parts of needing to be 'normal'])
the emh/dr. zimmerman is the one who treats tom and eventually is pulled into the narrative because tom needs another blood transfusion and gets nosy about why his old wound seems to have recently reopened; also, chakotay knew the doc from when he had patched up his wounds from hunting (without knowledge of vampires).
seven is b'elanna's academic rival/crush (again: comphet) who, much to b'elanna's dismay, never even acknowledges she exists. (read: seven is focused on studying 85% of the time and spends the other 15% being the most socially inept autist to exist.) their relationship develops after finals-- at a celebratory party (thrown by another student) b'elanna offers her a grudgingly respectful drink (they tied at 100% on the final) and seven finally talks to her thanks to the champagne. (also seven's nb transfem. to me. in my heart of hearts )
good fucking lird thats a lot. sorry. enjoy 🙏
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kneelingshadowsalome · 8 months
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Now… we all know König is the epitome of a comphet man. Sadly, he has suppressed his homoerotic feelings (this guy has bathed in comics filled with half nude barbarian warriors, be they men or women, since he was a teenager) and will never address his bisexuality in any way because he's fixed on the ideal of some het idyll.
GODDD YOU WRITE!!! toxic kön so well it's actually unbelievable like it's so "traumatized person's idea of love that they based almost entirely on the dynamics of their family". like in that "im going to do it right and im gonna perform this role so well and ill be happy"
probably even better for him if his gf also comes from an awful family since she's willing to try and make the shoe fit all the time no matter if she fits that, if her own needs come out and she can admit them to herself because nothing can compare to the euphoria she (or könig) feels when he comes back home from deployment, meeting her in the kitchen where she's preparing food for him. and the house is clean and almost quiet and she has her hair and makeup done, she's so dressed up you'd think they're having guests over
probably bc the ghosts of their families (the arguments the physical abuse the fear and desperation and hopelessness and false promises of love and safety) are those omnipresent guests lmao. in their head there's a weird voyeuristic need to show off the perfect het relationship even when no one is watching
cw: im getting weird about gender in this next lart
but i bet könig and his gf in this case would also probably get scared shitless when put into a position that is the opposite of gender conformity.... (?)
his beloved would hate being compared to anything masculine, he hates being percieved as anything feminine. gender non conformity is something they feel is tied to being in a nonhet relationship so they will avoid it at all costs.
being in a het relationship, a traditional one especially, creates some kind of invisible boundary that they feel they can't cross 99% of the time, can't be forced into that other role of their "opposite" no matter what they do because the performance of masculinity and femininity is there in every other aspect of their lives and it makes them feel safe
he is the perfect man, the perfect husband and she is his perfect wife, a woman that only belongs to him and nothing can go wrong
"probably bc the ghosts of their families (the arguments the physical abuse the fear and desperation and hopelessness and false promises of love and safety) are those omnipresent guests lmao. in their head there's a weird voyeuristic need to show off the perfect het relationship even when no one is watching"
This is perfection, this whole message and esp. the paragraph above is art and you're so right!
And your analysis got me thinking...
What if they sometimes stray to the edges of conformity, for example Engel raises her voice and finally snaps at him? König gets to see something unusual: a woman being strong and putting up some boundaries and standing her ground... And he doesn’t get mad, he actually gets intrigued (even aroused??) So he continues to push those boundaries again and more often, tries to carve out that reaction so different from how his mother behaved when he was a child.
Or when Engel sometimes gets to be on top and ride him while having a wicked little twinkle in her eyes? König gets to witness the blunt force of her lust, sees a glimpse of this woman who is comfortable in her sexuality while he’s lying there under her, seemingly vulnerable, as she takes him, uses his body for a change? Fuuuuck
Or how Engel feels in those rare moments when König is seconds away from crying, he's sniffling in her tits because of this or that trauma response or trigger, when König, this big, broad, controlling and protective giant is the one who needs protection and support?
She feels so out of her element and at the same time feels such a relief when the eternal masculine monument of power finally crumbles, even if just a little, and she gets to caress his head and soothe König during his breakdown.
Then back to their “preferred” gender roles they go, König clears his throat and Engel cooks another dinner, giggles in his lap while he treats her like a fragile little princess…
Gahh I want Engel to try on his hood and like choke him a little in bed or something while König looks up at her with the tiniest tinge of submissive adoration. Also, why can’t these two just be normal and work their way out of their stupid problems in a healthy way lol… (I wouldn’t have anything but wholesome fluff to write then would I!)
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wonderbutch · 2 years
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Cassie Sandsmark’s Relationship With Femininity
ok so i want to dive more into cassie sandsmarks character and her relationships.
throughout her comic appearances, gender, femininity, sexuality and lack thereof is very prominent in cassie sandsmarks character. Its shown as soon as she appears. shes 14, short haired and wears baggy clothes and overall gives off the stereotypical tomboy vibe which continues on and off throughout her young justice appearances, but she also battles deeply with what she really wants.
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she also clearly shows multiple times that she wants, or thinks she wants boys, specifically superboy (kon-el) to like her, going as far as to join young justice to see him (although i have more thoughts on this which ill get to later)
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she also shows jealousy towards cissie because of kons attention to her.
HOWEVER i have reason to believe that this is born of compulsive heterosexuality and a misguided attempt at displaying her need for attention and validation (often from guys because, again, comphet).
for example, here it mentions that cassie cant stop thinking about cissie “doing something romantic” with superboy.
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which, i may be reaching here, but if she was truly romantically interested in kon, wouldn’t she mention him first rather than cissie? also, she mentions shes not thrilled that boys are looking at her, even though she thought thats what she used to want.
later on she becomes best friends with cissie, almost instantly after seeing her stick up for others, going as far as to literally fall asleep holding her hand. you cant tell me thats not at least a little gay.
as shown before multiple times, cassie strives for companionship and attention, its not a bad thing, in fact it further shows that cassie is kindhearted and loves those around her deeply, even if they don’t necessarily feel the same or treat her well (for example, the boys are constantly underestimating her in the early issues, especially kon who goes as far to be outwardly shocked when she takes a risk and turns out to be right)
(this isnt hate against kon, theyre all learning and figuring stuff out)
but after cissie leaves the team, which cassie doesn’t take very well, her “attraction” to kon seems to fade away, she also seems to be slightly more aware of the fact that kon doesn’t exactly take her completely seriously.
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after young justice: sins of youth, cassie sheds the wig and the shorts and swaps to jeans and a leather jacket which is more “masculine”. she also refers to her old outfit, which could be seen as symbolic of her comphet, as her “what was i thinking phase”
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despite seeming more sure of herself, shes still battling with who she is and how she wants to be, she gets angrier and moodier, which is touched on in issue 22
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she doesn’t know what she wants, and it scares her. shes 14-15 and a superhero and people have expectations for her, she has expectations for herself too, which she often projects onto other people (which ill mention later when i get to her in teen titans) shes only sure of a few things: she wants to be a hero, she wants her best friend back, she wants to be taken seriously. between those three things though? she has no idea.
around her, everything is breaking down. cissie is struggling with her mother and cassie (for the most part) had a healthy upbringing and doesn’t know how to relate and help cissie with that. despite this, she still has unrealistic expectations of cissie. she doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to be a hero because cassie has always wanted that, and wants cissie to want that too.
so, we get to issue 35 where everything comes to a head with cissie.
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she refuses to listen to cissie even though time and time again shes told. after cissie proves a point, cassie finally starts to understand (although she still pushes it a few times in the next issue)
and then after going through a war and having tim and bart leave, and tim come back, and suddenly shes running for leader and confesses to “kon” that she loved him, or thought she loved him, and then she is leader and shes handling a full on invasion of zandia.
so needless to say, cassie doesn’t really have time to think about herself and her identity. at this point her hair has grown significantly, and she’s no longer acting entirely like herself.
so this all happens, greta betrays everyone (deserved) and then suddenly shes human and then donna dies which cassie takes very hard.
a pattern ive noticed is that the more disconnected from herself that she gets, and the more angrier, she changes her appearance to be more feminine, like she’s in denial or at least trying to hide behind femininity so she doesn’t have to admit her own emotions to herself.
as she starts a somewhat vague relationship with conner, she never really refers to him as her boyfriend, often using the word friend instead, despite conner referring to her as his girlfriend.
she also starts to project this idea of femininity and repression, specifically onto raven. when raven expresses considerable discomfort at wearing a dress, cassie counters this with a “you said you wanted to expand your wardrobe”, like she wants raven to be what she’s trying to be. feminine, happy and without fault.
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later, she mentions her previous appearance, ambitions, and seems to have a sense of hatred for her previous self, despite in all accounts she was quite happy and open during that period in her life.
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to me, cassies femininity is a way to hide her true self. its the way she can feel better and not as confused, and try to be someone shes not by just denying the way she really feels.
in conclusion cassie is a lesbian thank u for reading this makes absolutely no sense but idc bc the cassie brainrot is real and has taken hold
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beanghostprincess · 3 months
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I would like to know your thoughts on Boa x Luffy.
Because I have a few problems with this ship. (actually it´s mostly one, the others are more reasons why I don´t ship them)
First the age gap: Can´t say anything to it since I like Marco x Ace (I don´t won´t to think of that age different! )
A problem I have is that Boa seems to idolize Luffy and alredy wants to merry a 17Y old Luffy. And first I was like thats a bit creepy but then I stopped a moment to think. When I look of her behavior and her thoughts, she actually reminds me more of a little girl with her first crush. (lasteres is definitive true) While she wasn´t as lucky to grew up as isolated as most of the amazons (who didn´t even know what a man looks like) and has probably good reasons to hate men, she soesn´t know much about relationships.
I think, and I can´t believe I´m saying this, that Luffy is in this more mature than her in this. He clearly says that he won´t marry her. (and thank you Oda to not play it for laugh and make him not understand what she means) I´m pretty sure Luffy knows her feelings for him, but ignores it (doesn´t think about it).
What I really don´t like about this ship is actually not the ship itself (even if I don´t ship them), it´s some "shiper" when you can call them that. It´s when someon just ships them because Luffy NEEDS a love intrest (not true) or because with someone Luffy has to have children in the future (also not true!).
I hate that! Boa (and Luffy) deserve better than that. She is a strong independent women that is more than her crush on Luffy.
I could write so many reasons why I love Boa, but I wrote already so much (more than I wanted) and my cat is bothering me because she wants attention. ( how dare I not give her the attention she deservs? Love her.)
I usually have no issues with ships because if I don't like them I just ignore them, so I basically don't care about this ship? Like people be people. You do you. Hakuna Matata. I personally don't like it because it's not my type of thing and because the only reason Boa likes Luffy is because she feels safe around him the way she feels safe around Rayleigh. Men have always seen her (and still do) as an object, and she has managed to use her beauty against them and their stupidity and I love it. I love her. I find Boa and Luffy's dynamic really endearing because it's not only that she has a ""crush"" on him, but she trusts him and genuinely feels comfortable in his presence to the point of saying "well, if this goes wrong I'll just go to Luffy" (which is really fucked up actually because she should be more independent and relying on romantically/sexually is only a trauma response, but yeah, at least she has two men in her life she can trust). I think she doesn't love Luffy or have a crush on him at all. She's just captivated by him and how safe he makes her feel because he's one of the only two men who have never seen her as an object. So, from that POV I really like the dynamic, but not romantically/sexually at all. I honestly think she's a lesbian going through the biggest fucking case of comphet I've ever seen, but then again, no opinion on the ship other than I don't like it but people can do whatever they want as long as they don't bother me.
However, I must say I do agree with you on the fact that most Boa/Luffy shippers (dudebros, mostly) like the pairing because they think Luffy as a main character needs a female love interest, and since she's been pretty much the only girl who has explicitly displayed romantic feelings for Luffy, they just take it as canon without thinking about their relationship or characters in the slightest. These people just keep pushing a normatively straight and allo agenda that I can't fucking stand. But, well, it's not like I interact with them so whatever.
Most people see this ship as problematic for the age difference and I find that pretty much stupid because usually the main problem with age difference is the level of maturity and power imbalance, but in this case, Boa is just down bad for him and she's a bit annoying at times (honestly, I keep saying it's just her coping mechanism often played as a joke for her character). And Luffy knows that she is because he has refused to get married to her multiple times. People act like Luffy is this naive kid who doesn't know what love/sex is, but the guy is just... Not interested. He doesn't seem bothered by her either? If Luffy genuinely disliked Boa for this he would've said so. He is a very direct and honest character. He likes Boa. He's friends with her. He'll help her if needed and he cares about her. However, he just doesn't like her romantically and... That's pretty much it? It's not that deep from Luffy's POV, honestly.
And when people call Boa a predator (I've seen that) I just feel uh... Conflicted with their opinion. Because a predator is somebody who has these patterns and keeps wanting/liking kids/really young people and keeps insisting whether or not they want it and they're, well, pervs, basically. Boa's feelings for Luffy are, like you said, pretty much shown as a high school innocent crush. The way she acts around him is to rely on him rather than take advantage of him, because, I repeat, all men in her life have used her and now that she has a male friend who doesn't see her as an object, she copes with having a crush on him. Which is really sad and it has happened to me and to a lot of lesbians with bad past experiences and... Seeing people call her out like this as if she were some big evil predator makes me feel really uneasy and worried about the reading skills of this fandom. Have you considered that... Even if there's an age gap... Some people don't have bad intentions and adults can also be traumatized? Like, I'm not saying this would be okay in real life, because it wouldn't (even if her behavior is understandable from a psychological POV), but in fiction? I think Boa is a pretty complex and well-written character and she has her reasons behind this comedic gag, even if it doesn't seem like it. Oda likes to exaggerate these things, with Sanji, for example. Y'all would literally hate Sanji in real life for how he treats women most of the time and we all acknowledge it's a comedic gag that got out of hand.
I'm not sure if I'm wording this right, but basically: Boa doesn't like Luffy romantically/sexually and just mistakes feeling safe with those types of attraction. I don't like the ship for that reason, and most shippers only ship them without having any understanding of their characters at all and because they just want a main straight pairing. It can be seen as problematic for the age gap and it's a running gag that can make people uncomfortable, yes, and I understand. But that does not make Boa a pedo/predator and y'all keep using those words very very freely to the point of them losing their true meaning.
Now this ended up being kind of an essay on them rather than my opinion so, TL;DR: I don't like the ship but they're cute friends.
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elquacktism · 4 days
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YASSS OK
ctntduo au where they're just in a strict evangelical all boys school where Q low-key dgaf about this Jesus shit and knows he likes guys and finds comfort that his identity is a way to retaliate
W is the religious freak here, suffering from comphet 😞 they're both in the honor roll class and the two of the best students in the school. Q low-key has a crush on W (W does too but he just thinks it's admiration)
Something something shit happens and W "accidentally" kisses Q and freaks the fuck out. He thinks Q is gonna tell the whole school and he probably didn't sleep at night cause he thinks god is gonna strike him down.
He doesn't come to school for like two days out of just constant fear, so Q is hella concerned and think he fucked it up with his crush.
Ok so that's basically the sorta plot
Brain vomit under here
Not really sure if I should but maybe Q telling W that it's ok that he kissed him cause he's gay! But of course W is like dumb so he tells one of the nuns in genuine concern for Q cause he thinks the devil has got him and he genuinely wants to help him (morally grey character wahoo). This makes Q absolutely despise W btw (rightfully so)
Also Q has a bit of a troublemaker reputation, he's smart but often disagrees with the teachings and doesn't take it seriously. He conflicts a lot with W cause he's the obedient good kid and follows the teachings cause that's what he's told to do.
W faith is like sorta shaky in a way that he follows the teachings kinda blindly and it's just really hammered into his head but he himself doesn't really get it, he's scared to doubt them because "the word of god is never wrong!!!". Again conflicting with Q's whole doubting everything and questioning every authority
And and y'know that one TikTok audio? "I wish you were a girl" THATS THEM
(I literally don't know shit about the honor roll cause my country don't have that) the honor class doesn't have a lot of students so Q and W come across each other a lot (plus the fact that they're both top students and is expected to compete) and end up being friendly up until that kissing incident, W tries to avoid Q but of course he can't so they just kinda made a silent agreement to not talk about it. (Q would complain but he really doesn't want to push away his crush and he thinks that he can change his mind) so W ignores how much his heart beats whenever Q is around and how much he draws him on his notes (he probably stare at those drawings at home he's actually so gay for him I feel so bad)
Since hanging out with Q a lot W has been questioning his own faith a lott, it scares the shit out of him and sometimes he tries to fight Q about it. W is smart and he of course realizes that Q is often right and even if he tries to deny it it'll constantly nag at him.
The sorta ending I have is that Q helps W to accept himself but! I have an idea that maybe W is just a stubborn mf and when they graduate they go their own separate ways. W would marry a woman and have a daughter (Tallulah?). No surprises here he's miserable but he loves his daughter so he tries to stay for her. Tallulah is queer
He'd tell Tallulah that she needs to keep strong with her faith cause god often gives tests to see how loyal she is, and so basically
W : Y'know one time I kissed a boy and the devil nearly got me into his trap, thank the lord that I persevered and look where I am today
Tallulah : WHAT
Ok that's it for now I will continue later LMAOO
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pizzaboat · 1 year
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I want more of Enid next season, not the boyfriend's nonsense or the teeny sliver of drama with her mom
Like, more of her family drama actually. The scene where she lashes out at the bus and destroys it is a major anxiety and anger issues moment for her (I've already talked about her comphet)
But the way she bounces around all sweet and happy while occasionally reminding people (Wednesday when she pisses her off by threatening her) that she has the capability of ripping her to shreds
And then her lashing out and destroying the side of that bus and the tire when she feels unwanted and let down
I generally see, from my own experience that using aggression as a way to make yourself feel in control is because you feel small or helpless
And I get the impression that her mom is really domineering and Enid can never do anything right, she's always the disappointment and is waiting for the day she is abandoned by her family pack, and her dad doesn't look like he asserts himself or gets a word in edgewise so Enid is at her mother's mercy
So Enid compensates when she feels she's in dire situations by lashing out and breaking things because she doesn't know how to regulate her emotions healthily when faced with rejection or abandonment
Basically, the first place she feels unwanted and small is at home and Enids anger issues are interesting to me to like, dissect from her character analysis stand point
It's more interesting than the heteronormative nonsense pushed in the first season
I'll also say its a good thing for Enid's mom that Wednesday never met her, cause that girl doesn't enjoy bullies lmao
I want more of Enid's family drama next season, especially if the show does something interesting and gives into Wenclair shipping cause her mom gives homphobic vibes
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lesbiantahani · 9 months
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objectively i know misty in the s1 date scene is the most performative she'll ever be and that how she's dressing and presenting herself is completely what she thinks a man finds attractive, what society has told her is attractive. heavy makeup, push up bra, skirt, acts overly enthusiastic, wide eyed. and i KNOW being with men is a game to her (what christina ricci said etc etc she isn't interested in men at all she's bored and thinks that's what she's supposed to to) so as a viewer im like yes yes i see that, i see that she's dressing for the male gaze love what ur doing here writers ur giving me a really good insight into misty this is manipulative performative peacocking in a sense and im obsessed with it. and then i see one single frame of that scene without me thinking of the inherent commentary on sexism and comphet that's present in it and lose my mind log in to my blog and unabashedly scream at my followers abt how i so badly want to be dicked down by her😔
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silliecentral · 3 months
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Compet Draculaura hc
as a lesbian i feel like monster high has a great opportunity to include comphet representation. for those who don’t know what comphet is, its essentially a thing a lot of lesbians go through where society pushes heterosexual normatives onto everyone so some lesbians convince themselves subconsciously to apply to those norms, i hope thats a decent explanation, but i think a lot of draculauras character atributes directly connect to comphet. most notably witchcraft, the specific moment im talking about was her witchcraft being a threat to monsters presentation. specifically the moment where clawdeen and frankie ask her about it and she replies “i guess i was just trying to convince myself” when i first watched that it really resonated with me. because when i was first questioning my sexuality i tried very hard to convince myself that i was straight which is why that moment was so important to me. anyway, i think that they have a great opportunity for a comphet arc for draculaura because clawd and clawdeen are brother and sister, they both have a similar nerdy and overprotective type of personality. and i think it would make sense for draculaura falling for clawd as a stand in for her feelings for clawdeen. in my opinion it also makes sense for her character to push herself into thinking she likes a boy because thats what society would want her to do and she literally feeds on validation and applause from other monsters, and even though i dont know how how much heteronorms are pushed in the monster world, i think this would still be natively possible considering draculaura has a lot of queer/supportive friends and adults in her life, but i think that with dracula being PFFT some norms could be pushed where its expected of her to fall in love with a boy. because even though we are growing in a more LGBT respective world socially, heteronormatives are still pushed on people by even supporters, and i think if they decided to go this route (which ik is unlikely especially for a kids show), it would finally mean some comphet representation!! which there is literally none in media that i can think of.
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I just wanted to drop in with some links to some now-deleted but still very good articles on Transmasc Comphet (which is a term I think needs to be spread around more when discussing Transmlm social pressures)
"Transmasc Comphet (and the road to faggotry)" the original article - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210109231028/https:// medium (dot ) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-and-the-road-to-faggotry-62ed750f391f
"Transmasc Comphet — the Followup" - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210124071417/https://medium (dot) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-the-followup-46fddbda7c4
I think a lot of it is stuff you and others who discuss anti-transmasculinity already touch on but I think it's another piece of language we really should be using (even though I know someone is going to find some reason to hate us more over it). Thanks so much for everything you do on the blog my guy
Every gay trans man on the planet needs to read this.
In all my many years of being alive, there has not ever been one other article that I have read that has resonated with me even close to the way that these two have. I used to think I was either a lesbian or a bi woman and would pretend to myself that I'm attracted to women when I am now, and also was at the time, repulsed by the idea of being romantically involved with women. I remember for a while I called myself a butch lesbian because it felt like the closest thing to what I thought I was (a masculine woman).
But something still wasn't right, because I'm not a masculine woman, and it didn't feel correct even at the time. I brushed it off and kept going on with my life as one does. For a long time after that, I thought I just had a fetish of myself as a man. But I think that accepting myself as a gay trans man was inevitable after I got really invested in the FOB fandom. Now, I am a gay trans man, and I feel so much better than when I identified as bi or a lesbian because this is who I really am.
Talking to a lot of other transmasc MLM has made me realize that my story is not unique. So many baby trans men identify as bi or straight for this reason before realizing that they are actually gay. And that's not to invalidate straight trans men—they exist—but I am saying that so many of us are convinced that we're straight because as men, that's what society pushes onto us. And even before we know that we're men, we subconsciously know that we are in some sort of societal role where we should love women, which is why, I think, so many gay transmascs identify as lesbian or bi before even realizing that we're trans.
One other thing that I resonate with that Klein brought up is the fact that it's impossible to separate my homosexuality from my transness because sexuality and gender don't exist in a void separate from each other. This is the main reason that I identify as nonbinary and am uncomfortable describing my gender as a man unless I'm making it clear that I'm oversimplifying my actual experience. By saying that my gender is male without elaborating, what I'm saying is that I'm like other men in some way, and that my experience of gender is similar to other men.
But that just isn't the case for me. I tend to think of myself internally as a third gender, separate from male and female, largely due to my experiences with being gay. In the framework of maleness, I'm GNC, femme, or whatever else you want to call me that basically means the same thing. The simplest way to describe my gender identity, and in my opinion the most accurate, is that I'm gay. I am like others who are gay, and I fit into that community. My expression, then, is built around a framework of being gay.
Often when cis people talk about people like me, they tend to put our transness first, and think of our homosexuality as being something that exists because of our transness while in my experience transness and homosexuality are equally important parts of my identity that can't be separated. I am not me if I am not trans and gay. To put it in simpler terms, there might be an alternate universe where I am female due to my transness being something innate to my being that I feel would still exist even if I was amab, but there is no universe in which I am not exclusively attracted to men.
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