#I don’t know if this is true but now I’m obsessed with the imagery of pouring sake palm-up

[halogenes1s]

S k e n t c h b o o k . j p g

[beybaldes]

that which you cannot see

Simon Aumar x gn!reader

word count : 2.5k

summary : simon’s own insecurity blinds him to the feelings you reciprocate.

a/n : i know this isn't my usual djats content, and i should be working through requests lol, but i saw dnd;hat thursday and am now obsessed. expect more simon once ive worked through my djats stuff!!!

“I still can’t believe that he walked up and over the rock.” You hummed, thinking back on Xenk’s leave earlier in the day, laughter bubbling past your lips at the mental imagery of the action.

The five of you were gathered around the fire Holga had started on the beach, everyone having calmed down from Edgin’s earlier series of confessions and settling back into the playful group dynamic you’d so far formed on your adventure.

Your head was one more yawn away from settling onto Simon’s shoulder, your side already pressed against his, but the general chatter of the group was keeping you awake for now. Simon was completely flustered by your close proximity, your knee bumping against his every time you laughed at something Holga said, though he’d already prepared a list of reasons he could give as to why his face was flushed; namely that the hot flames were doing him no good.

Since Edgin had picked the two of you to join his adventure, there had been an unspoken thing between the two of you; you were always lingering a little too close to each other and were the first the other went to after a close call. As far as you, and the other three members of your group, were aware, you were courting. But to Simon, you weren’t there yet - him too scared to even mention the word in your presence less you reject him the same was Doric had.

That, combined with Simon’s general obliviousness, meant he didn’t notice any of the advances you’d made towards him, or the greater interest you showed him compared to your other companions. The same interest that had you now forgoing the conversation and leaning your head sleepily against his shoulder.

Silence came over Simon at the contact, his entire being stilling as you trusted him enough to rest on. The rest of the group didn’t seem to notice until Edgin aimed a question at the two of you and he received no response. All of them now turned to face you both, surprised to find you fast asleep on Simon’s shoulder with him staring down at you in surprise.

“You owe me a sack of potatoes.” Holga chuckled, flicking at Edgin’s arm when he ignored her demand for her half of their bet.

“I don’t think i do, not yet at least.” He whispered back, taking in the look on Simon’s face. “Poor kid doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

“Is this improper?” Simon asked, eyes unmoving from your finger which was curled into his side, your head snuggling deeper into the crook of his neck. “We’re not even courting.”

“Dammit.” Holga kicked her foot into the sand, knowing she’d have to wait another day without her precious prize of potatoes given the two of you weren’t formally courting yet. “Why aren’t you courting yet?”

“They do not think of me that way.” Simon sighed, eyes moving from you figure to look at his hands that had now started to nervously play with the hem of his cloak. “I’ve been told I’m quite the depressing person to be around.”

“They clearly like you, that included.” Edgin scolded, nudging his foot against Simon’s to grab his attention. “I think they’ve been pretty clear in their feelings for you, from the start of our journey.”

“No, no, I doubt it.” Simon had always been the worst believer in himself, and even though he so badly wanted what his friends were saying to be true, he wouldn’t believe it unless you yourself told him - and even then, he’d still find it hard to be true. “There are plenty of better men out there.”

“That doesn’t matter if all they want is you.” Edgin was sometimes wise, or maybe just a romantic at heart, but it would take a whole lot more then some sweet words to get the idea of courtship through Simon’s thick skull. “Besides, we’ve all seen how different things are between the two of you.”

Simon’s head shot up, to the amusement of his friends, confusion written across his feature. “What- what do you mean?”

“Well, for starters, you always ride together or walk together, even when we were in the under-dark, the first thing the two of you did when you thought we’d escaped that chubby, little dragon was reach for each other.”

“What he said.” Holga continued, biting into the potato she’d been carrying around with her, knowing she’d come to crave one eventually while she waited for her to win her and Edgin’s bet. “And you always look to them when your trying to cast a spell; when it goes right you look for them, when it goes wrong you look for them, and every time they’re already looking at you.”

“No. I don’t think so.” Had Simon really been so blind? Surely he wouldn’t noticed if his affections for you were returned; if he had he would’ve formally asked to court you already, so he supposed his friends were just reading into things. “I would’ve noticed. They would’ve said something.”

“You look at them like they hung the stars in the sky.” Doric whispered, heads snapping in her direction as she spoke up on the nature of her ex-courtship and his new love. “You care deeply, genuinely for them.”

“I care for all of you.” Simon asserted, offended by the suggestion he was treating you differently all because they thought - and correctly so - that he wanted to court you. “I treat y/n no different.”

Holga practically spat out her potato at the suggestion, throwing her head back with a cackle. “Now that is not true, and you and I both know it.”

“Leave the poor boy alone.” Edgin’s reprimanded, standing from his seat around the fire. “I suggest we get some rest, we have quite the journey to make come morning.”

Everyone else moved away slightly from the fire, giving each other space to sleep whilst not drifting too far from the warmth of the burning glow. Simon stayed in his place though, unsure of how to wake you, lest he wake you up only for you to be unable to sleep again. He settled on gently cradling your head in one hand, settling to scoop you from the log and lay you carefully in the sand. As he lifted you from your seat, into his arm, he stilled for a moment, admiring how good your features looked so close to his, everything about you accentuated by the glow of the dying fire. However, he must have stayed in his place for a moment too long, you stirring in your sleep and his almost dropping you in surprise.

“Simon?” You groaned sleepily, your voice thick and croaky as you woke. “What’s going on?”

“Oh! Hey! So…” Simon quickly got lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to explain how you’d ended up in this position. “Basically-“

“Can we just go to sleep?” You asked, tucking your head back into the crook of his neck, though this time somewhat consciously. That alone had heat rising to his cheeks once more. He had never been asleep since your abrupt arrival on the beach, but now you were pleading that the both of you slept - that had to mean something.

Or maybe you were just worried that he wouldn’t get enough rest for your journey tomorrow. Yeah, that was more likely.

“Of course we can, I’m sorry for waking you.” Simon rushed to put you comfortably on the ground, taking off his own cloak and covering you in it as though it were a blanket. He took his own position next to you, though not close enough that he’d be invading your personal space, he was close enough that he could be by your side in an instant if needed.

He didn’t realise just how cold it’d be on the seafront in the dark of night, but immediately brushed the though from his mind, knowing he’d rather have you warm then be warm himself.

“Get under here.” You grumbled from beneath his cloak, opening up a gap big enough for him to sliver himself into, right up against you. “You’ll be cold.”

“I’d rather be cold then improper.” He scolded, pushing gently on your hand to close the space you’d offered up to him, keeping the warmth in with you before the night air could risk it away.

“It’s not improper if we’re courting; and we practically are.”

Simon chocked on the very air he was breathing, turning to look at you in complete and utter shock. It was one thing to here it from his friends, but to hear it from you yourself? If he didn’t know you as well as he did, he’d be quick to assume you were messing with him, in fear that he’d not be good enough to court with you.

“What?” He eventually managed to choke out, his eyes unmoving from your face that peaked out from beneath the collar of his cloak.

“Get under here, Simon. I won’t ask again.” The sorcerer still hesitated at your command, mind whirring at the fact you just said the two of you were ‘practically courting.’ He couldn’t think straight, let alone move to get under the warm cloak with you. “Simon?”

Though he could hear you, he couldn’t hear you - your calls of his name in worry going in one pointed ear and out the other without giving him the chance to process it.

“Simon!” You called once more, gaining his attention as, this time, your warm hands cupped his face, his cloak slipping down your form and puddling up in the sand.

Simon was quick to pull the cloak back over your shoulders, chastising you for letting it slip lest you catch a cold from the night air. His hands held it in place over your shoulders, worried now that you’d matched his sitting position it’d fall again the second he let go.

With his hands on your shoulders and yours cupping his face, the two of you had been brought dangerously close. So close, in fact, that he could feel the warm dust of your breath across his cheeks.

“I have a list.” He whispered into the space between you, eyes wide and face flushed as he spoke. “I wrote a list of why I would be a good courter. It’s in my pocket, but from the top of my head I can think of most of it, I think.”

World were tumbling from Simon’s lips as he did his best to seize the opportunity of a lifetime that sat in front of him. It’s not often the person he was interested in was interested in courting him back - let alone suggesting that the two of you were already courting.

“I can try and cast spells to protect you, I will always walk by your side or ahead of you to protect you from traps, I will give you my cloak when you get cold or to protect you from the rain. I can-“

You used the hands that were cupping his face to connect his lips to yours. You did your best to put all your feelings into the kiss, not getting offended by the lack of reciprocation on his behalf, knowing that he was just shocked. And within a minute, he was kissing you back, though hesitantly and with a great sense of unease to his actions, like he’d never done it before.

Now that you dwelled on it, there was a chance he never had done it before.

“I don’t care about the list.” You whispered against his lips, pressing chaste kisses to them between words. “I want you just as you are.”

Breathless, Simon stumbled through an attempt to question your words, knowing he himself would have his issues with him - so why wouldn’t you? “But what about-?”

You cut him off once more, pulling him in for yet another firm, passionate kiss; your head resting against his when you finally pulled away. He seemed just as stunned by that second kiss as he had been the first.

“Don’t care.” You whispered, pressing another chaste kiss, though this time, to the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, and then the dimple that had appeared there. “Just want you.”

Now that was something Simon hadn’t heard before.

He no longer had the fire to use as an excuse for the warmth in his cheeks, it long dead and burnt out now, but he deemed he no longer needed excuses for the way you made him feel - not when you felt the same and declared it with such certainty.

“Oh. Cool.” Simon immediately grimaced at his words, wondering how on earth he’d picked that to say out of everything he could’ve said. That didn’t matter now though, he was sure he would have plenty of time going forward to tell you all this things he wanted to say, all the things he felt.

“You going to get under the cloak now or what?” You asked, a teasing lilt to your words that cracked a smile onto Simon’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, I guess I will, my love.” The words rolled so naturally from his tongue, as though he’d been born to say them, and to say them to you.

Once again, you lay down on the beach, opening up Simon’s own cloak to him and this time he hesitantly crawled inside the warm fabric. At first, his just lay with his side pressed tightly to yours, both of you half under the protection of the cloak. You quickly put an end to that, rolling onto your side and grabbing Simon’s arm, placing it gently over you and pulling him onto his side in doing so. Now the cloak rested comfortably over the both of you, the cold of the night no longer reaching you between the warmth of the fabric and the warmth of Simon’s hold.

Simon took a lot longer to drift off to sleep then you did, his mind moving at a million miles a second as he took everything that had happened today in. Not only had he ventured into the under-dark and been absolutely flung about by the helm of disjunction and his ancestor, but he’d somehow managed to court who he was sure was the love of his life.

A soft smile curled onto Simon’s lips as he let his head fall against the back of yours, curling into you and wrapping his arm tighter around you to keep you close to him. For the first time in a long time, the both of you slept soundly through the night, not stirring for anything or anyone: even when the following morning, Holga shrieked in glee at the sight of the two of you, crying out to Edgin-

“you owe me a sack of potatoes!”

[sylvies-chen]

top five moments of 6x02 ♡

OMG I CAN ONLY PICK FIVE?? OK LET’S GO:

lie detector (tim’s ily) — I think this moment is my favourite part of the episode by far, because first off you have the question about the bugs which was SOOOO cute and so encapsulating of chenford’s relationship that it had me giggling at my tv and twirling my hair lol. but then lucy takes the time to seek out confirmation of his love out of her own will, not because she needed to be proven right but because she wanted to hear it 🥹 and he immediately says yes! he loves her! we finally get to hear it and the lie detector shows it’s true and it’s just so gratifying for chenford fans to finally get this

cop cutie! cute and on duty! — GUYS I KNOW IT’S CORNY BUT HATERS WILL HATE, DADDY COP IS A BANGER!! this was so funny and such an earworm— and to those saying they thought it was an old episode when it opened on that scene, lemme just say SAME lol— but then to up the ante by pulling out the choir as if literally singing for and rejoicing the 100th episode was just so perfect and classic rookie: a little hokey but well executed and fun and all around heartfelt. 10/10 I need it on spotify right now.

if I ain’t got you by alicia keys (lucy’s ily) — okay I’m scared some of you chenford girlies are going to tar and feather me for not putting this at number 1 or 2 but HEAR ME OUT: I’ve expressed my problems about this temporary argument solution!! I think this whole scene is so gorgeous for so so so many reasons: lucy and tim dancing as a couple for the first time, the matching outfits, the kiss, ugh all PERFECT I love my babies 🥹❤️ that being said, I don’t like how so much of the resolution/peace between them relied on tim being completely in the wrong when I feel like it’s a more nuanced issue than that and denies lucy any opportunity to critically reflect on her own feelings about this. and also, it does seem weird to me that she wouldn’t have said ‘I love you’ back to tim when he first said it?? they smile at each other but then they’re back to looking awkwardly from afar at the wedding (prior to this scene of course) and so I’m a bit uneasy at the implication (which the writers did not necessarily add on purpose) that lucy’s ily depended on him admitting he was wrong in any way. but idk maybe I’m just being too nitpicky here, I still ADOREEE THIS SCENE FOREVER AND EVER I want it on my grave k thanks

tim down on one knee — need I say more?? this imagery of him on his knee with the ring staring up at lucy was a glimpse at chenford’s future and it was such cute teasing, god I love writers and showrunners when they add messy fun little teaser moments like this! plus tim totally kicked ass, all covered in blood and ready to pass out, and ah, I do always say the best kind of lust is bloodlust 😌

bailan wedding vows — I actually cannot believe the day has come where a bailan moment is in my top 5 episode moments but these wedding vows showed me how the writers are finally able to articulate what works about them as a couple!! with someone as impressive and as versatile and skilled as bailey, I think literally any other man would feel threatened or emasculated, but nolan really is just Some Guy™️ who’s really into her and obsessed with her and is very sturdy ground for her to come home to. I wish we dove more into her past as a survivor of abuse because I feel like that previous situation informs so much of why she loves john even though, let’s be real: she’s eons above his league holy shit it’s not even funny how out of his league she is. but also she could never be with anyone else! she really just loves him and they have such a nice soft relationship which the wedding really sold me on. I liked it a lot even though I had my qualms about her and him as individuals and together.

honourable mention to wade and luna because I love them so much y’all they are adorable!! anyways, here’s my list and lmk if you agree

[thecreaturecabin]

Seeing you’re doing better made my week. I’ve been a long time follower. Your progress as not only a creator but a person (from what you share) is inspiring.

Favourite thing to eat/drink as of late? Mine is chocolate chip eggos.

Hi this ask nearly made me cry in the middle of my biology lecture /pos

Messages like these remind me why I love content creation so much, and why I miss it :( I miss the community dearly.

Thank you for your kind words 💕 there’s times in my life where every day is a means of survival. I’m not recovered, and I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% okay, but I’m trying my best.

To answer your question: Oreo ice cream. I have a huge sweet tooth and it’s ice cream season now that it’s getting hot where I live :)

LOTS more below about mental health; read at your own risk (talking about OCD and the severity of mental health struggles)

TW// graphic depictions of violence, self h*rm, intrusive thoughts

When I say every day is a means of survival; I mean that sometimes “my best” looks like getting to the end of the day. Sometimes “my best” is getting UP and just surviving until I can be unconscious again.

I try to be reserved with what I share online, as I know as soon as something is posted- it’s there forever. I haven’t gotten into the specifics of my mental health struggles in a very long time mainly due to my reclaiming of privacy (I was an open book as a teen), but there are things I think are important to share, and in doing so actually help me recover.

So I’ll talk about my OCD a bit here.

Right. So I have clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. I have had these diagnosis since I was 15.

But in… I think September of 2023? I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (aka OCD). It’s a type of anxiety disorder!

This was not only my first time being diagnosed with something as an adult, but also the first time anyone had ever told me that my behaviour aligns with OCD. I realize this is because obsessive compulsive disorder is not talked about very often, and like every mental illness, many people are relatively misinformed about what it actually is.

If you don’t know what OCD is; I’ll explain that here:

OCD is a mental disorder in which the person experiences repetitive and persistent intrusive thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, but not everyone experiences them at the same frequency and persistence.

Intrusive thoughts are NOT: “I wanna dye my hair blue”. That’s what we call an IMPULSIVE thought.

INTRUSIVE thoughts can be something like: “I’m going to jump in front of the car.” “You should cut your hand.” “When you open this door there’s going to be a dead body there”.

The “obsessions” are the intrusive thoughts. These thoughts can lead to repetitive behaviours that someone with OCD carries out in order to feel better. These reactions to the intrusive thoughts are called “compulsions”.

For example; maybe one of my intrusive thoughts is that someone is watching me. My compulsion for the thought is to look behind me - to prove to my brain that there ISN’T someone watching me.

I’m not a psychologist, so take this with a grain of salt - but this is how I would explain it as someone who lives with OCD.

Now, there’s multiple types of OCD, but I’ll leave that for you to research.

My biggest struggle with OCD so far has been the realization of how difficult it makes living to be. Before I was diagnosed, I was beginning to believe I was losing my mind /gen.

My intrusives (what I call intrusive thoughts) tend to be gruesome; witnessing acts of violence, being a victim of an act of violence, someone I love being a victim, or committing acts of self harm. They also focus on gruesome imagery. I have hyperphantasia- This means I see clear pictures in my head 24/7. This is great sometimes, but when my intrusives decide to torture me; they can manifest as horrifically violent imagery.

I have had to stop watching things like true crime due to the severity of these intrusives and how often in a day I’m affected by them. (I’d say on average I experience a minimum of 5-10 intrusive thoughts a day, always regarding the same topics.)

I’ve discovered it’s why I enjoy a busy lifestyle - and why my depression tends to act up during times like summer/spring/winter break. When I’m left with nothing to do, I’m left with my thoughts, and my thoughts can be scary.

To put all my feelings about it into smaller words: the realization that I can’t escape this has had a severe impact on my life. I live in my body. There is no escape from my own mind, and knowing that it’s my own psyche that’s torturing me every day is a hard pill to swallow. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I wish no one would have to experience this.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being dramatic about living with OCD, but those feelings are short-lived. When I say that it’s torture, I mean it is torture.

One of my favourite books- turtles all the way down by John Green - has a main protagonist that suffers from contamination OCD.

Aza, the main protagonist, constantly refers to her OCD as a demon. Towards the end of the book, she says “I wasn’t possessed by a demon. I was the demon.” - Chapter 19, page 229

Turtles all the way down has an incredibly effective representation of OCD that hit home for me, and I would recommend reading it. It’s also just a great book!

I hope this shines some light on what OCD is and how it may affect someone. If you have any questions, I would be happy to try and answer!

This was a little bit hard to write, and I’m sure it’s not something that’s easy to read- but something that I’ve come to understand about mental health as a whole is that it isn’t meant to be digestible.

Struggling with mental health is a horrible experience. It’s hard to live through, therefore it’s hard to read about.

[uroboros-if]

i just wanted to say i adored the demo so much! not only was the game so aesthetically pleasing and nice to look at, the writing is *chef’s kiss*! i just love your writing! it’s amazing and i was completely immersed within the first few seconds. your IF is very professional and put together and i feel like it should be put in a museum! that aspect is just amazing and should earn its own showcase. but now onto your writing and characterization. i. am. in. love. i absolutely ADORE the ROs so much! i just love how different they are from each other. each of them have their own charm that’s unique to them. i am definitely going to play multiple times for each RO so i can experience each of their routes.

like Salvatore, to me, feels like when you see a cat all curled up, sleeping under a spot of sunlight shining through the window. just warmth and happiness, but also maybe don’t mess with them either, lol. like i cant wait to learn more about them and get to really know them past what they present to others. it’s very exciting!

and Luciel! oh, sweet Luciel. i adore them and all their calmness. definitely feel like a foggy, somber pond with a weeping willow where the air is crisp and clean. having a picnic there would be very lovely and i would love to take them on a picnic to a isolated place with a nice view. i also want to understand them more and why they seems so separated from everyone. and why they’re always so nice!

Ciocana! they were so fun during the dance scene. i think that was one of my favorite parts, lol. to me, they feel like you and your friends on a late summer night after sneaking out of the house, going to an abandoned building with a chain-link fence with a ‘no-trespassing’ sign attached. and you just HAVE to climb that fence and explore that building. i cant wait to learn more about them! they seem like a very complex character and those rumors, however true, are just the surface. so i’m excited to explore that dynamic.

and Alessi! ALESSI! i’m in love with them. i loved their introduction so much! the fire, the passion, the defiance. the way they refused to bow down was very iconic. definitely a rebellious, passionate activist vibe. like standing on a flipped over car, a microphone in hand, speaking passionately about what they believe in. you get goosebumps on your skin at seeing them speak and you feel invigorated after their speech. i’m so very interested to see how MC interacts with them and how the whole investigation goes.

all in all, i’m so excited for your story! everything about it is amazing and i can tell you’ve worked hard on this. so congratulations on publishing your IF!

i hope you eat lots of food, drink lots of water, get lots of sleep, and take many breaks. you deserve it! <3

also, sorry not sorry for the long non-ask lol

🥹🥹 Anon, I want to give you a hug 🫂🫂 I'm a little obsessed with your ask

I am so so happy 😭😭 I wish I had words for this, but I am speechless. I cannot match your amount of enthusiasm and appreciation; my gratitude is inexplicable within the constraints of the language--flawed and so limited.

Again, it is super surprising to me that people can see that Salvatore is putting on a front, so to speak! Not that they're disingenuous or faking it, but they present themselves a certain way because they have to. I'm not sure how people are picking up on it, but that is exciting news!! You perfectly capture the happiness and tranquility of bathing underneath the sunlight through the window though 🫶!!

I also absolutely adore the imagery you have for Luciel!! Do you mind if I take inspiration from you? 😭🥹💕 I struggle to describe the exact image they bring to mind, but what you said is absolutely perfect!! Just the right amount of peaceful and yet mysterious and transporting.

I'm glad Ciocana invokes that vibe as well!! They are definitely the definition of teenage defiance, of being told that you can't do something and just wanting to do it even more (which... is probably how their romance is going to be!). I'm super excited to explore them further!

Alessi definitely brings that to mind with their fiery passion! With such strongly-held beliefs, though, they'd likely be hostile to MC at first... but MC is a little different from the gods. So we'll have to see how they feel about that!

Again, thank you SO much for all your lovely words, and your very long ask. Don't be apologetic! You yourself must have spent quite the time writing this ask, which is profound. I sometimes think about how I've taken just a few minutes of someone's life, just so they can say such kind words. When time and energy is so finite, I just... it's the most precious thing to be given of all things. Thank you for your ask 💕🫂

[h5eavenly]

who tf told yeji? i kinda think it was yuna or woo. i also may be way off but i have a feeling yuna might be jyp gossip too… we don’t actually know that much about her and she was replying to y/n’s posts like a fangirl even before they were friends. she’s also been 100% good/nice so far and from what we’ve seen in this series, nobody is completely good/nice. everybody has a grey area at some point.

poor yeji dude. as much as y/n is going through it, she absolutely deserved this reaction from yeji and hyunjin. i’m glad yeji didn’t hold back and give her a chance to tell hyunjin bc honestly y/n has had so many opportunities to and failed so what difference would her telling him first now make. i also loved that y/n could recognise yeji’s “state of agony” and relate to it, therefore making her feel even more guilty and actually understand the weight of her actions. yeji also asking “what did i ever do to you?” is so fr bc she literally just existed in hyunjin’s life and that was enough for y/n to want to ruin her. to think that this whole chaos started just bc y/n’s toxic level of jealousy.

the imagery of hyunjin melting with y/n, literally begging to hear that it’s just a misunderstanding… fuck that hurt. in a way it was like he was begging to not have to endure the pain of their past again and the regret of letting himself get hurt again. the realisation that his blind trust in y/n has once again been his achilles heel and possibly always will be.

hyunjin telling y/n “it’s always someone else isn’t it” is so true. he reminds her of all the past opportunities he gave her to come clean to him and didn’t, but all she’s replying with is excuses that she was scared to lose him and yeosang’s threats. like ofc yeosang’s threats scared her but at the end of the day she dealt with them poorly until it was too late. so far this series she’s shown she feels remorse for her actions (bet related or not), but she’s always had a habit of preaching excuses or blaming someone else instead of owning her shit. so its understandable for hyunjin to not believe her immediately when she said seungmin forced her (i had a feeling what happened between them wasn’t consensual like i dm’d about). in a way it’s like the kid that cried wolf. from hyunjin’s perspective, she’s the common denominator in so many issues but somehow always finds away to divert blame away from herself.

as much as i wouldn’t blame hyunjin and yeji for never wanting to speak to y/n again i hope they talk about everything properly. i’m ofc looking forward to hyunjin and y/n’s talk, but i also really hope yeji and y/n talk to each other alone too. yeji deserves an explanation more than anyone tbh.

also i’m obsessed with the end referencing the sun (hyunjin) and moon (y/n), that was beautiful and tragic ����

i love how i ruined everyone for you that now you just cant trust anyone anymore i cannot 😭😭 i agree i think recognizing the pain in yeji plays a huge part in her guilt ultimately i feel like yeji and yn mirror each other sometimes they both have a sense of darkness to them but yn clearly had it much worse 😞 and yess yn feels remorse for her actions but instead of dealing with the consequences she runs away a lot and withers in self pity and hatred instead which is toxic as well

aww im so glad you liked it my love🥹🩷🩷🩷 this was so much fun to read i.just wanna kiss ur brain cus ugh its so sexy i love it this is one of my fav notes of urs i think tysmmm for blessing me w it🩷🩷🩷

[stylecouncil]

5, 29, 51 👀

5. Is there a song you don't like but like its music video?

karma police because johnathan glazer directed it and thom yorke dies. no that’s not true I also dislike that video hm.

I can’t stand his voice (we know) but I’ve always liked the way this video was filmed/just liked seeing anything a little creepy on the vh1 video reruns slot (this can also apply to some nine inch nails videos like I’m not a big fan of them but, we love the leather and chains imagery you know?)

29. Songs you love to dance to:

51. Is there an artist you used to love as a child/teenager and still likes, even if you don’t listen to them as much?

hmmm l mean in terms of artist I literally can’t listen to anymore but was OBSESSED with as a child/pre teen, mcr is right there. and like I’m sure maybe there’s something for me to defend in there if I bring myself to listen to them now but I just can’t. I really can’t think of one I still like that I just don’t ever listen to that often now. maybe like stuff my mom was into like fleetwood mac? and if you want an artist I used to like and now completely hate we all know it’s blur 😃 before I got on my recent emo and adjacent kick I could have probably had a lot more answers to this but well now I don’t do I.

[open-road-air]

Goncharov (1973) cuts

So in the recent Gonchsplosion there’s been a lot of discussion and even dispute about the core facts of the film—who lives, who dies, which homoerotic cigarette lighting sequences appear, who shops for apples, etc. And I think most people don’t know that this is because of the truly bananas number of cuts of Goncharov that have been released at various times and places, often under unclear or conflicting names, with intersecting but nonidentical footage. Back in like, the mid-00s I saw a Geocities site about this—you know the type, it had everything all charted out in ASCII—that estimated that there were over fourteen hours of Goncharov that had been released in total, across I wanna say seven different cuts? That’s a lot of movie.  Of course I have no idea how to find that site, it’s probably gone forever now, and there’s no way my iPhone-rotted brain can compare with the pure archival relentlessness of a mid-aughties film studies grad student with a beige desktop computer, so this is just off the top of my head listing of cuts I’m familiar with and what things they do and don’t include. Hope it helps. The Cinematic Release You know it, you love it, somehow the most famous one of all despite the fact it never showed in theaters because the mafia (*cough*CIA/KGB*cough*) destroyed almost all of the prints? Idk man, everyone is obsessed with the idea that this one is the “real” Goncharov which is like a nice change of pace from the common canard that the director’s cut is the “real” cut, but also, bizarre. They’re all real cuts! Get with the postmodern times!  Runtime: 3:02. The studio insisted that Scorsese bring it down under three hours and he said he had but he lied. It’s probably apocryphal that Scorsese actually set the clock back 7 minutes during the second screener with the studio to fool them about the runtime—probably he just trimmed some of the opening sequences for this print—but you can see why the story spread, given how aligned it is with the themes/events of the film. Everybody loves a metatextual folktale.  Scenes In/Out: Yes bridge scene, no boat scene. Yes Goncharov/Andrey at the fruit market, no Katya/Sofia at the market. No cigarette lighting at all. (I’m sorry but it’s true!) Goncharov dies, Katya dies, Ice Pick Joe lives (or dies offscreen, this is kinda unclear). Heavy clock imagery.  Verdict: honestly this is a mid-tier Goncharov at best.  The Director’s Cut (Pseudo-Scorsese) This one started to circulate in the 80s and 90s in the US film buff circuit. Some fly by night outfit put out a bootleg VHS which is considered the authoritative version even though you can get a way better digital rip straight from the film. The VHS box set says that this was the version Scorsese first screened for the studio but that’s probably not true. Not clear who actually cut this or why or how. Most of the Netflix footage is from this one but not all of it.  Runtime: 4:12. If you’re thinking “damn, that’s a long movie,” then, uh, buddy, hold on to your fuckin hat. Scenes In/Out: Yes bridge scene, yes boat scene. Goncharov dies. Katya lives (doesn’t even fake her death, that’s just gone all together). Icepick Joe dies laughing. Both G/A and K/S at the fruit market but the scenes are played intercut to suggest that they’re there at the same time? Insane choice. Yes G/A cigarette scene. No K/S cigarettes but Sofia does go into the bedroom when Goncharov leaves. Camera doesn’t follow her, though, it just spends a minute and a half staring at the grandfather clock in the hall? Yes exterior Moscow scenes! This is the only cut I’m aware of that has them. Of course they weren’t actually shot on location, it’s all Red Square B-roll plus exterior shots still in Naples. Verdict: gayest Goncharov available in America before the turn of the millennium, probably the one the gay club reenactors had seen. Greater variety of thematic references.  The Director’s Cut (Actual Scorsese)

This one came out straight to DVD in like 2003. It was, actually, authorized by Scorsese—although he’s subsequently denied it. But it was definitely stapled together over like a weekend from whatever bits of Goncharov he could get his hands on. This does mean it has an unusually high percentage of non-overlapping Goncharov content; it also means it’s a bit of a mess.  Runtime: 3:34. Scenes In/Out: No bridge scene(!), no boat scene. Goncharov dies. (This is shot from like eight angles??) Katya fakes death, lives, gets extended in-credits epilogue in Argentina(!!) No cigarette, no fruit market. Way, way more footage of money, drugs, and guns being shipped into and out of Naples. Clock symbolism almost entirely absent. Icepick Joe gets a three minute death soliloquy for some reason. Palace ball gets like three different scenes? Andrey’s call from the phone booth goes to Valery instead of Goncharov for some reason?? A lot of frankly indulgent long shots and urban b-roll. Verdict: the worst Goncharov you might have actually watched. Only worth it for completionists, and because the DVD had a surprisingly thorough and high-quality soundtrack extra. (Don’t @ me, sapphics who are convinced it’s Sofia coming out of the cabin in Patagonia at the end of the credits and looking down the hillside at Katya—you’re right and it’s perfect but just watch the credits on DailyMotion like a human being, there’s no need to subject yourself to an hour and a half of basically arms trafficking surveillance footage.) The Director’s Cut (JWHJ0715) The version of the film that Matteo JWHJ0715 sent in for consideration at Cannes. (Scorsese did not want to send it in, didn’t feel like it was ready.) Never screened at the festival and it’s not clear how the print leaked.  Runtime: 2:38. Yes, the shortest film cut (not counting abridged TV versions) is a “directors cut”. It just. It’s Goncharov, buddy. Scenes In/Out: Yes bridge, yes boat. Goncharov dies, Andrey dies, Katya lives. Icepick Joe dies in a shootout. K/S cigarette but it’s trimmed like crazy. G/A in the fruit market but it rolls straight into the car chase (the cutting is crazy but they mostly make it work.)  Verdict: the most action-packed and claustrophobic Goncharov. The shots are mostly interior and the plot has no time to breathe. Kinda weird that that’s what JWHJ0715 thought would play in Cannes but it was a different time.  The Director’s Cut (Pseudo-JWHJ0715) Okay, we’re through the looking glass here. This is real film-buff shit. This cut was primarily available in Yugoslavia, of all places. (This is why there are non-optional subtitles in Serbo-Croatian. It claims to be from Matteo JWHJ0715 but it’s almost certainly actually finally put out by his son, Luca. Whether "his son” means “his nephew whom he raised from toddlerhood”, “his long-lost natural child”, or “his younger lover, legally adopted to create some mutual rights for their unrecognized relationship” is as you’d might expect pretty controversial in the Gonchhead community and is unlikely to be resolved soon. Runtime: 6:48 (not a typo) Scenes In/Out: Yes bridge, yes boat. Goncharov, Katya, and Andrey all die. Icepick Joe plunges silently into the Tyrrhenian. Both cigarette scenes, both fruit market scenes (separated by over two hours of film to create a parallel rather than a frantic mishmash (good call imo). Yes palace ball, very early in the film, but only using footage that doesn’t appear in any other Goncharov cut. (The partner-swapping dance sequence.) When Andrey calls Goncharov from the phone booth, it’s Sofia who answers. There’s a flashback scene with B-roll of St. Petersburg but the subtitles insist that it’s happening in Belgrade? Very bizarre, may have contributed to the suppression of the film by the Yugoslav government. Great clock footage, mirror footage, fruit footage, the works.  Verdict: the motherlode. the best Goncharov. Everyone who’s seen it says so. Block 9 hours to watch it and another 3 hours afterwards to have a psychological breakdown.  More editions: There are maybe half a dozen other prints, but we mostly know them through backward extrapolations from the viciously abridged TV-versions, so who knows. It also seems likely that the whole world of Japanese/Hong Kong/Thai remakes was inspired by another cut totally unknown in the West (given the recurrent flower imagery, among other subtler points), but it’s impossible to say if we’re talking about another cut of the Goncharov footage or some sort of ur-remake.  The point is you can keep going, but honestly, the Luca Cut is the one. If you’ve watched that, any other Goncharov just starts to seem like a blooper reel. 

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

My reactions to Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)

Mine-That “lying on the couch” was so strong holy cow, whomever is singing with her on the backing vocals is so strong, the instrumental leading up to the bridge sounds shorter, that “never turn back” didn’t hit as hard

Sparks Fly-So glad she kept that little yeehaw with “haunt me when yer not around”

Back To December-The strings!

Speak Now-Where was the sass in the “don’t you”????? The little laugh was everything though

Dear John-Vocals! The way she sang “acing” scratches my brain nicely

Mean-The little yee haw in “walk with my head down” she sounds so condescending on “pathetic” which I love

The Story Of Us-She sounds like she had so much fun singing “next chapter”

Never Grow Up-She sounds so good, I love how soft her voices is at some times

Enchanted-Glad she enunciated the “hey it was,” obsessed with how it switches ears at the “please don’t be in love with someone else”

Better Than Revenge-Yes the intro sounds so good, glad that the attitude is still there even though the chorus doesn’t hit as hard

Innocent-Her backing vocals on the bridge are so good

Haunted-That reverb is so strong, those last “I thought I had you figured out”s are so pleasing to me

Last Kiss-The production feels sharper/pointier at some points and I don’t know how to feel about it

Long Live-Her little background vocals are so good

Ours-Something about the way she sings “ghosts” is everything, her little chuckle!!! She sounds like she’s got a smile on her face on that last line there

Superman-The swoopiness of her voice on the chorus is lovely

Electric Touch-Sonically sounds like “Superman” at the start there, aw she’s nervous, bringing back to life in this economy😶, so true, there’s the punch! This feels like a Journey song (which is a compliment) they way she drags out touch there is so good

When Emma Falls In Love-Ah piano! It sounds like one of those jewelry music boxes, this is very sweet, the banjo!, 😦, not the “ivy” parallel…

I Can See You-Okay, did just get taken to October?, like the echo to Mine in the ahs, 👀👀👀, she’s like Sparks Fly (Spicier), also sounds Journey-ish

Castles Crumbling-Oh baby “Nothing New,” Hayley sounds so good, the harmonies are so pretty, I love how dramatic/cinematic the imagery is especially on the bridge

Foolish One-This feels early 2000s, what if I’m in your walls, respectfully, sir? That sounds like “Last Christmas”!

Timeless-She loves herself a good antique shop, is this Captain America fanfic?, alliteration babey!, “ivy” tease, I love when she goes hopeless romantic especially after “Foolish One”, ca-lassic, the classic Taylor trick of ending on the first line

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 21: May December

Today’s movie was May December. That… was an experience. It sort of reminded me of Power of the Dog in the sense that it’s another film that starts slow and builds steady and you don’t really realize either time passing or tension building until at some point you’re wondering if someone’s going to die. And it still managed to have that breath-holding finale without anyone… actually dying.

I would definitely need to watch it again to get more coherent thoughts but it’s also going to be a while before I have the fortitude to watch it again. It’s going to have to sit for a while.

I was pretty caught up on all of the recurring details, the mirrors, the recurring references in different contexts. Everything comes back to the same points, seen from different angles. The same story, different points of view, different biases, different possibilities. Viewing everything only through mirrors (literal mirror imagery like in the dress shopping and makeup scenes, or in the fight scene, etc.). The reference to falling off the roof in the beginning, leading to the x-rays of the kid who fell off the roof, leading to Joe almost falling off the roof. The ages 14 and 36 recurring, the specific age gap recurring. Affairs and almost affairs. Both Elizabeth and Joe’s sister having asthma. Trying to piece together the truth in the past through photographs, tabloids, interviews, letters, and the aftermath itself, the present.

My big takeaway honestly is that both Gracie and Elizabeth are totally deranged. I’m not going to try to figure out Gracie. I was right there with Elizabeth feeling like I’d been sent on a total 180 spin at the last moment at graduation. It’s not that I thought she had been abused; that struck me as a little… too much to be true in such a subtle story, I suppose. Too much to be coming out so late and so lowkey in the narrative. But that she and Georgie “talk every day”—that surprised me. I really thought the implication was they never spoke. Like I was bamboozled about that. It really underlined that this is the same woman who engaged in such awful behavior, that she has lied, she has manipulated, she has controlled the whole narrative. She calls her “naivete” a gift, and I think to some extent she is naïve, but she’s also damned confident. That ‘insecure people are very dangerous. I’m secure’ line??? Ended me. I don’t know what to do with that. Who's insecure? And also--she IS dangerous?

And Elizabeth—is of course obsessed with the part, becoming Gracie, etc., that’s pretty obvious and expected. What got to me is her casual manipulation of other people, her disinterest in her fiancé and the affair she’s having with the director and the affair she so easily has with Joe, and how she really doesn’t seem to have a sense of proper lines and boundaries, either. She is so quick to talk about sex scenes with the kids at the high school. That's damned inappropriate. I also thought there was some sense in which she maybe appreciated the kid in the hallway doing a little trick to show off—the closest thing the movie gets to answering that totally unfathomable question of HOW an adult could ever look at a 13-year-old kid as a sexual partner. The most distressing part of the movie to me was the scene with the audition reels of the kids who were up for Joe’s part. Those were real kids. That’s what 13 looks like. I think when you see so much of the relationship from the perspective of two adults, it’s hard to really think the implications of that through. It’s hard to see it. In part because you don’t want to. You see glimmers of it, like in how close Joe is in age to his kids, or in both Gracie and Joe's stunted development. But I think precisely because he’s so childlike in so many ways, it’s easy to imagine that you’re seeing him now as he was then—you forget the body he was in then and that there is a difference between ‘childlike/innocent adult’ and ‘actual child.’ But then you see those kids in the reels… damn. Interesting, very interesting, that the actor ultimately cast to play Joe was clearly not 13—he looked like he could be 16 or 17, easily.

Ultimately though I’d say that last scene really aligned Elizabeth with the viewer: the absolute insanity you’ll lead yourself to if you think too much or too hard or too obsessively about whatever the heck that was.

The most sympathetic character was definitely Joe. I feel so soft for him. He just wants to be a good dad, he never had any chance to grow up or to understand how he didn’t grow up, he has no idea what he’s going to do without his kids in the house… and he raises butterflies, with such gentleness and care. I hope he and his friend in the Facebook group continue to be friends… I was a little afraid that perhaps she ghosted him after she perceived his interest in her to be crossing a line, with the suggestion of a getaway together. Maybe she did. He just needs someone like that—someone who takes him seriously I suppose.

I’m skimming over some reviews and a lot of people seem to have found it funny… I don’t know, I didn’t find anything either funny or campy in it, I thought it was quite a tense drama, but maybe that’s a me problem, I don’t know.

[motownfiction]

the spoon end of a slurpee straw

When Lucy gets back home, she’s impressed to find that Will has already made good headway in preparing for Elenore’s birthday party tonight. The streamers are up, the balloons are tied around the chairs, and the snacks and drinks are on the table, waiting to be opened. Right now, Will sits in the corner of their basement apartment, filling bags of party favors. Lucy stands over him and grins.

“Are you making party favors for adults?” she asks.

Will looks up and smiles at her.

“Sort of,” he says.

“Explain yourself.”

“So, yes, the only guests at this party are other adults … and my sisters, but I’m pretty sure they were all born twenty, so by that logic, Claire is thirty-two.”

“You’ve said.”

“Right. But then I thought … just because we’re all technically adults doesn’t mean we’re not in need of party favors. So I picked up some bags and threw candy in ‘em.”

“Mmm-hmm. Sam asked you to do that, didn’t he?”

“Well, he said it was a joke, but then he dared me.”

Lucy laughs. She bends down to where Will sits and kisses him for a second or two … long enough to distract him from the treat bags and long enough to distract her from the grade she’s been obsessing over on the whole trip home.

“Where’s Elenore?” Lucy asks.

“Your parents took her to get a Frosty,” Will says. “I don’t know why I let them if she’s just going to have cake at the party.”

“It’s OK,” Lucy says. “It’s her birthday-ish. She understands.”

“She’s three years old.”

“Yeah. She’s three years old, not a jackass. Believe me. She understands.”

Will smiles and goes back to filling the treat bags with little packages of Skittles. Lucy wanders over to the bookshelf and wonders what her first book of the summer should be, besides The Madwoman in the Attic. Maybe she’ll put that one off. Something in her gut makes it seem scary, and for a second, she isn’t really sure why.

“Hey, did you get that paper back?” Will asks.

Lucy’s heart drops again.

She remembers now.

“Um, yeah,” she says. “I went with Mariam to Dr. Fine’s office. We … we got them.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Will says. “How’d you do? 100? 101?”

“You can’t get 101, Will.”

“That’s not true. You got 101 on your paper about … oh, what was it, last year … that poem about how learning is dangerous.”

“Alexander Pope. And that was an intro class. My professor didn’t expect anybody to be good. He didn’t even know about my parents.”

“Well, either way. How’d you do on this one? I know how excited you were while you were writing it.”

Lucy feels like she could throw up, right there, all over the birthday party decorations. She was excited as she wrote that paper. She learned all about the size of the needles they had to use in late Victorian blood transfusions, and how their large size evoked more penile imagery than the relatively small needles they use today. She spent hours annotating every little thing Freud said about latent and manifest content and even more hours trying to “translate” Kristeva to ordinary vernacular. Lucy worked harder on that single paper than she’d ever worked on an assignment in her life, and in 1976, she turned in a diorama about the United States Constitution with fully lit sparklers to her third-grade teacher. She hangs her head. What a time that had been. What a different girl she had been … the kind of girl who wouldn’t have dreamt of getting a 93%, even in her scariest nightmares.

In a way, she knows she’s being maudlin about this.

But in another way, she’s humiliated and angry and doesn’t know how she’s going to make it through her daughter’s birthday party without thinking about this … failure.

“Right,” Lucy finally says. “Well … I definitely learned a lot.”

Will furrows his brow and stands up to meet Lucy in the middle of the room. She feels her skin grow cold. Great. He knows something’s wrong. Will always knows when something is not right.

“What does that mean?” he asks. “Oh, man. Did you get a B?”

Lucy’s pretty sure her eyes pop right out of her head like a cartoon character. It takes every mature fiber in her body not to fall to her knees right now (but damn, if there’s not a part of her that wants to).

“No!” she hisses. “How could you even say that?”

“I don’t know!” Will says. “You’re not answering the question, which means you don’t want to … which, for a normal person, would mean you failed. But you’re you. So I wondered if you got a B.”

“Stop saying it! You’re going to put it out into the universe!”

“That’s not how this works! Either you tell me what you got on the paper, or I keep guessing, which you don’t seem to want me to do!”

Lucy sighs. She puts her hands on her hips and waits a long time, almost convincing herself that if she’s silent long enough, she’ll somehow change her grade.

“OK, fine,” she says. “If you want to know what I got, I’ll tell you what I got. Mariam and I picked up our papers today. She got a 94. And I … I got a 93.”

Will looks at Lucy like he’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel. Lucy can’t blame him. The logical part of her – the real part of her, the part of her that usually takes the lead – knows that she is being ridiculous. But the part of her that’s scared, that’s underdeveloped, that’s more childish than her three-year-old daughter has ever been … that part just can’t seem to shut up.

“Is that … is that bad?” Will finally asks.

“It’s an A minus, Will,” Lucy snaps. “Of course it’s fucking bad. It’s poison. If I apply to some place like Yale or even NYU with a grade like that … they’ll laugh me out of the room.”

“Well, OK, we haven’t talked about Yale or NYU,” Will says, unsurprisingly focused on the wrong thing. “But I … it’s one paper, right?”

“Technically. But it’s the most advanced paper I’ve written to date. And if I blew it this badly, right out of the gate, with only a year and a half until I’m supposed to send out applications for a master’s degree … how am I ever supposed to make it? How is anyone supposed to look at me and say, ‘Yeah, I can see her becoming a professor?’”

“I think you’re thinking about 20,000 leagues into the future.”

“Life’s about the future, Will. It’s about doing things right now to make sure that tomorrow doesn’t suck. And if I’m still an A minus student by December of this year, then my tomorrow is going to suck like the spoon end of a Slurpee straw.”

Will puts his hands on Lucy’s shoulders and kisses her – firm and with purpose, the best kind of kiss, especially from Will. When he lets go, Lucy fights with her own grin.

“Great,” she says. “I’m the kind of woman who needs her husband to kiss her and calm her down. I might as well drop out of school and change my last name to O’Connor because that’s what I’m worth.”

“I’m gonna try not to be offended by that,” Will says. “Look, I know you’re upset. But I also know that you know you’re overdoing it.”

Lucy sighs. She hates that he’s right.

“OK, so maybe I am,” she says. “But why do I do that?”

“I don’t know,” Will says. “I guess that’s something you have to figure out. But can you promise me something? Please?”

“Sure.”

“Can you at least pretend like you’ve got it figured out at Elenore’s party? She picks up on people’s moods, and I know you don’t want her to have a bad time.”

Lucy exhales again. Even standing in the midst of all these party decorations, she keeps almost forgetting that tonight is Elenore’s birthday party. But she can’t forget. She can’t let herself get swept up in an A minus. She doesn’t want Elenore to learn from her this way. She doesn’t want Elenore to become obsessed with perfect grades; doesn’t want Elenore to hate her reflection in the mirror; doesn’t want Elenore to use her grades to compensate for hating her reflection in the mirror. Elenore doesn’t deserve any of that. Lucy swallows hard and nods.

“I know,” she says. “Consider me temporarily cured.”

Will kisses Lucy again, a little quicker this time.

“Good,” he says.

They hear the front door swing open above them, and Elenore’s excited footsteps run inside. Lucy hears Mary call out, “Elenore! I think your mommy’s home!” and hears John follow it up with, “Go get her!”

And in those few seconds of Elenore running down the basement stairs and into her mother’s arms, Lucy forgets all about the A minus in the front seat of her car. For these few seconds, Elenore is all that matters. Elenore is all that will ever matter.

“Hi, Mommy!” Elenore says, and Lucy smiles as her own parents descend the stairs behind her.

“Hi, Elenore,” Lucy says. “Did you have a good Frosty?”

“Grandma didn’t let me eat at all. ‘Cause of the cake.”

“Sounds like Grandma was thinking. Cake is pretty special, you know. And cake is extra special for you this year. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you get two birthday cakes!”

“I do! I do!”

Elenore laughs for no reason other than being three years old. She jumps on her mother to hug her and pummels her to the ground. Lucy laughs and laughs. Behind her head, Will laughs, too. It’s the perfect day, and she can’t remember why she felt so strange when she pulled into the driveway ten minutes ago.

“So, Luce,” John says as the laughter dies down. “Did you get back that Dracula paper?”

Lucy bolts up from the ground and looks at her father, face whiter than a sheet.

Right.

She looks over her shoulder at Will, who’s pleading for her to play it cool.

Looks like this is going to be much harder than it needs to be.

[nachoscheesy]

Tumblr Revival

Tl;dr

Tumblr has a large interconnected community of artists and content creators, and should focus on its strengths and what it does right. Instead of trying to compete for space against Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Tumblr should focus on empowering its community and giving that community the tools to develop the site's unparalleled uniqueness.

Tumblr is the crossroads of the internet, with a monthly user traffic of 300 million it is the perfect space for artists, content creators, and small businesses to grow their following without having to fight for a seat at the table against companies with huge budgets.

Hi, I go by Nacho here on tumblr, and I'm sure as many of us on tumblr have noticed, the (hell)site is kinda going downhill. Tumblr was bought by Automattic in fall of 2019, and I am sure they have the best intentions to help tumblr stay afloat. However, I think it's time the community took a more deliberate approach to how tumblr is handled, and hopefully Automattic and @staff will hear us out. I think I have a solid solution to tumblrs money issues, that will help both the site and empower its online communities.

First and foremost, I am not involved with Tumblr or Automattic. I am just a simple blog trying to help out a place that I've been on since 2010, and I would hate to see it die here around 2023.

So, let's get to the root of the problem on tumblr right now. That being money, tumblr is currently costing more money that it produces, as we've seen with its 97% drop in value from 1.1 billion dollar sale to being sold at around 3 million dollars.

So the first thing that must be improved before anything else can be improved on tumblr is how much money they're bringing in a month. I don't think folks on tumblr hate monetization as much as we all collectively say we do, I think the issue is that most advertisers are completely disconnected from the groups they are trying to advertise to on here. Tumblr comprises roughly 65% millennials and 30% gen-z, the two generations that advertisers seem to have the hardest time advertising to for a myriad of reasons. The main one being that they don't fully understand what we want, and sometimes just don't listen to what we are saying.

Lets look at how tumblr makes its money, Tumblr has four main revenue sources,

Ads by sponsored posts

Display ads through video posts

Sponsored Day ads or banner ads

“Premium Themes”

I'll go into depth on all of these and how tumblr could make potential changes to improve their revenue anywhere from three to six months after it implements some or ideally all of these changes.

First tumblr ads and sponsored posts, these changes are going to be contingent on tumblr allowing its users to share, like, and comment on ads much like all other media sites currently allow. Or at least giving advertisers the ability to turn that on or off as a function.

The average tumblr post gets reblogged 14 times, that number increases significantly if the ad is engaging and actually caters to the communities wants and needs. My reasoning for giving users the ability to reblog ads is to increase user engagement while maintaining their current ad vetting process and all of the nonsensical ads that are run on tumblr 90% of the time.

The other reason for allowing tumblr users to share and comment on ads, or have it be an option for advertisers to turn on or off as they'd like, is that the appeal of tumblr is the ability to propagate and obsess over the most niche things (i.e OSHA.)

All the while allowing content that gets shared all over the internet bubble up to the top through the collective hand of the tumblr community. Along with this tumblr has no way for small users to share their own products or services, every single major site has a way for users to advertise their pages or products through the site.

Tumblr is a content machine that creates imagery and memes that get shared all the time across the internet, so the ability to share and curate its own ads is paramount to improving advertising and user engagement on tumblr.

My proposal here is for tumblr to expand its advertising capabilities to all users, while charging a flat rate fee to advertise on tumblr, with additional charges for popular tags or trending tags. Tumblr currently has no self service advertising system much like Facebook does for example. Where facebook charges a daily rate on cost-per-click(CPC) or cost-per-thousand(CPM)

Charging a flat rate fee at a rate of a day, week, month, or quarterly basis with variances in prices based on the lease term and what the advertisers would want to have their ads show up on certain tags. This would open up the doors for small businesses that don't want to advertise on places like facebook, twitter, or google with their complicated CPM and CPC models. Also bringing in more small locally owned businesses with the added value of less competition for ad space on tumblr.

This would also take some of the weight from tumblrs own advertising staff from having to explain a convoluted system to potential advertisers. Creating a simplified model with the the advent of tumblrs own infrastructure able to get a single post to a large variety of users. Where the current ad model uses a “shotgun” method to hit as many people as possible, the tumblr model could encourage advertisers to curate a more personalized and intimate experience that tumblr users would love.

Why not just advertise elsewhere? Tumblr still in fact gets over 300 million views a month as of June 2021 (Statosta), and the added benefit for users to be able to like, share, and interact with ads would allow ads that the community enjoys to be talked about more. Giving advertisers more honest feedback about their ads while increasing their SEO’s.

Also small businesses that can't compete with the vetting processes that are used on other sites, would have a better chance of developing their business and increasing their clientele on tumblr whose core demographics are approximately 60% millennial and 35% gen-z. This core demographic does in fact care about being able to shop at local stores, or even a store across the US that is trying to drum up its own online sales.

These ads could be placed inline on the tumblr dash while moving other sponsored ads to the right of the site on desktop, but making them alternate on mobile between user ads and sponsored ads.

Second, the display ads should be changed to allow tumblr users to share and further interact with ads to generate more user engagement, incentivizing more businesses and companies to build their brand status on tumblr. Tumblr has a good model for creating short diaries or daily vlogs for companies that wish to show off their products on social media. This includes smaller businesses and vlogers that want to post videos or tutorials of themselves on their blog.

Tumblr is a good site for user engagement with a pool of creative potential for anyone wanting to gauge the desire for a particular subject or piece of media, maybe even an upcoming show. Having the ability to share and comment on sponsored ads would also help advertisers by allowing them to get more bang for their buck with a considerable uptick on how users engage with that content.

Third, tumblrs sponsor day ads and banner ads are inexpensive and should be highlighted as a selling point over their competitors. Tumblr 24-hour banner ads are considerably more affordable for businesses when compared to places like twitter with their 200k price point. For the same amount of money on tumblr a business could have their company at the top of the dashboard or app for 8 whole days. Much longer and much better than the competition.

Keeping this price fixed, with a change in the price CPC is still a much more lucrative and attractive selling point than any of the competition on the internet today. I know this might not be exactly what tumblr wants to hear when it is hemorrhaging money right now, but let's look at the cost for these 24 hour daily ads and banner ads. If tumblr hypes up the price point on these ads they could see a significant rise in advertisers considering the lack of competition on tumblr and past success stories of companies who did advertise on tumblr.

At the same time larger advertisers should be encouraged to make engaging ads and blogs on tumblr that will make people want to actually go to their blogs, that then link to an external site or page. Not ads that instantly try to force you to go to some other site, by rewarding or offering special discounts for people who find a special code or something off of the actual blog. Or even for giving the same code to everyone who reblogs a certain post made by the advertiser.

Seems too good to be true? Look at “Asos” back in 2015 when they held a shirt design competition on their tumblr blog. Where they had 900 submissions, four of which were picked, and were sold out of the user generated shirts in 10 hours.

This is not the only case however, but FX ran their own campaign for the show “Man Seeking Woman” where they saw a 2.8% increase in user engagement, 86% increase in their tumblr followers, and they actually saved money through advertising on tumblr.

All this leads me to believe that tumblr actually was and continues to be the best place for brands, small businesses, and artists to develop themselves through genuine user engagement.

Finally, the “premium themes” that are available on tumblr that allow for unparalleled customizations that you hardly find elsewhere on the internet anymore. Tumblrs ability to take a variety of media sources, as well as having an unparalleled level of customization, user interconnectivity, and a vibrant artistic scene shows that it is ripe with potential.

Tumblr could still use its post+ feature, but in the same way that Discord uses its subscription service. For cosmetic changes that can be added modularly to the site or individual blogs for an additional monthly fee. In conjunction with partnering with community artists to bring small cosmetic additions to individual blogs, while paying the content creator and tumblr taking a small portion of the profits over a certain amount.

To be completely honest this is probably the hardest portion of this entire pitch to make changes to in a shorter period of time, considering all the testing and “under the hood” changes that must be made. However, I think that implementing this as well as the other changes I have proposed will bring back more foot traffic to tumblr as well as increase its revenue and profitability.

In closing, I am simply working with whatever information I was able to find online and a good amount of time invested on my part to do this. I think tumblr has a ton of potential still to return as a force for good for the communities that exist and want a change from what the internet has become. Time and time again when any company or public entity dies it was because it did not change and refused to adapt and innovate, oftentimes not at the hands of the people working everyday to keep the site running. Instead at the hands of people who dont see the value in what has fallen in their laps.

If you agree and think this is something that can be done, please reblog this post and follow me for more updates. If I don't hear back or this does not gain any traction by the end of the year, then tumblr can go to its inevitable end. I will be here sinking with the ship.

@support @engineering @music @wip @changes @photomatt

[sitp-recs]

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight​

Harry/Draco (2021, Mature, 16.6k)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

I haven’t experienced the weight of writing “the perfect rec” since doing Far From the Tree back in January. I feel similarly about Two Zinnias (aka mindblown and utterly obsessed) and of course that made me almost give up on this and let other people talk about it better than I will 😂 but as much as I wanted to save you all from my babbling, sadly I don’t know aideomai and they don’t even dream about my existence, while Starry is a close and dear friend so this fueled me while I wrote and rewrote this rec as a humble and grateful birthday gift.

I feel like I should take a minute to talk about her first, so at the risk of getting sentimental on main: Starry, you’re a true gem. I’ve never met someone so genuinely kind, supportive and proactive in fandom. You do everything you can to make everyone feel welcome and appreciated, coming up with new initiatives to promote lesser known fics, encouraging self-recs, finding time to do massive beta and mod work, reclists, side events and book binding (!!!), on top of your brilliant writing - apparently your talent has no limits and I’m not one bit surprised that you excel at everything you do. 

It feels like ages ago even though it’s been a few months, but I feel so lucky that I got to check A Room Up There - falling in love with it was the first step to meet and fall a bit in love with you, too. That fic stole a piece of my heart with its lovely house restauration imagery and soothing winter vibes, and now it’s impossible to imagine this fandom without your equally lovely, soothing presence. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your generosity whenever I need a friendly ear to vent to, a piece of advice, a good laugh, or just a smutty rec feat Charlie or Teddy (taste twins! 👯). You’ve always been there for me and for others, thank you for being YOU and for doing so much for the fandom!

I’ve screamed so much about Two Zinnias in your DMs that I’m sure you already know everything I’m gonna say here; it’s one of the few fics I’ve read as soon as it was posted, and it compelled me to leave a comment before reveals (I’m still working on commenting better, and more often), but what you don’t know is that I still think about this fic, like. All. the. time. I close my eyes and am immediately transported to that fascinating, dangerous anarchic universe you’ve created - one could say it’s because I’m obsessed with the delicious “enemies of the state on the run” trope (ok, I admit REVOLVEVLOVER ruined me a bit before this) but whoever reads your fic will see it goes so much deeper than that!

Two Zinnias is an absolute masterclass in short form - it packs SO MUCH plot, character development, raw emotion and breathtaking action within JUST 16k, I still can’t believe you pulled it off. The fast-paced narrative and little inventive details create a thrill and immersive atmosphere, full of palpable tension and yet the urgency contrasts beautifully with the slow, quiet emotional burn. Despite their uncertain future, the way Harry and Draco meet, learn and love each other while defying the system is so damn inspiring. There’s this quiet fierceness about their characters that takes my breath away, and their connection - of minds, bodies and souls - is so intimate and tender that at times I felt like I was intruding into something not meant for my eyes. Ahh the power of storytelling!

All Starry fics become my new favorite thing, but this one is my favorite read of the year so far, and it might be my biggest Starry fave of all! To think such a dark plot could be told through the gentlest romance in less than 30k is a miracle. For those who have been following Starry for a while, this is also a testament of her talent in exploring a wide range of plots and genres, mixing Polyjuice and Legilimency with a brilliant fighting style, without letting go of that soft, tender and evocative atmosphere that encapsulates her approach to the ship.

While rereading Two Zinnias to write this down I remembered that famous quote from Jane Austen’s Persuasion, because it feels like the perfect way to describe this particular love story: “There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison”. If you haven’t read this gem yet please do yourself a favor and go feast on this glorious romance! And don’t forget to check the rest of her fabulous catalogue, and to leave some love and appreciation not only on this fic, but for everything Starry does for our fandom. I wish you the happiest of birthdays my lovely!!! 💜

(now excuse me while I go read her new Harry/Teddy fic as a treat to myself!!!)

Read on AO3

[bunnysuit-femboy]

End These Games

Armin x Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: fingering, exhibitionism, mentioned masturbation - slight dub con

Summary: Reader has been watching her boyfriend play this stupid game for nearly an hour. She is in desperate need of some attention, but he is still ignoring her. Guess she’ll have to force him to pay attention to her by offering something he could never say no to.

Notes: I got inspired and wrote this in one sitting. Also, I don't know shit about Skyrim but... enjoy!

You never understood what was so intriguing about Skyrim. It was a low quality game about being an adventurer in a dangerous world. It was fun, sure, but not that much fun. It wasn’t fun enough to completely ignore your girlfriend after begging her to come over to your house. Nothing should be that much fun.

You watched from Armin’s bed as his fingers moved skillfully over the keyboard. His screen showed the game as his avatar maneuvered through the snowy woods. He talked into a headset, asking his friends where they were for the fight and where they were going next.

You had been watching your boyfriend for the last ten minutes, your face set into a permanent frown from boredom. You loved seeing him happy, but you preferred when his happiness was tied directly to you. Whether you were making him happy from the thing between your legs or from the words coming from between your lips, you didn’t care. You just loved making him happy.

You disappointedly threw your phone to the bed and slid to the edge. Armin didn’t notice anything in the room had changed, so you continued. You moved to his chair, placing your hand delicately on his shoulder before whispering sensually to him.

“Can I join you?” You asked, sweetly, your voice barely audible to the game-obsessed boy.

“Yeah,” Armin said quickly, moving back on his chair to give you enough room to join him. You grinned before swinging your leg over the boy.

He was used to you joining him while he was gaming, but never like this. He was used to you sitting on his lap, facing the screen and watching him play. You would even flick his fingers during stressful battles, much to his opposition. You would laugh as he playfully cried out, trying his hardest to keep his avatar alive on the screen, fighting battles with both you and the enemies from the game.

But, you now sat on him backwards than what he was used to. You straddled him, your chest close to his as you snuggled your face into the crook of his neck. He had his arms around your body, his fingers still moving across the keyboard. And, your arms were pressed in between your’s and his chests, bent at an awkward angle.

He continued to play, despite his initial confusion. He still talked to his friends through his headset and moved his avatar around the map. You thought sitting on his lap would be enough to calm your anxious heart, but you needed more from him. You didn’t like sharing your boyfriend’s attention with an inanimate object.

Inanimate objects couldn’t compare to you, they couldn’t make him as happy as you could.

“Armin,” You whispered into the soft skin of his neck.

“Yes, baby,” He said into the side of your head, giving a single peck to the hair above your ear.

“Remember when we first met?”

Armin smiled to himself because of course he remembered the day he met you. It wasn’t too long ago, but even if it had been a hundred years ago, he would have remembered it like it had been yesterday. He felt pity looking back on a version of himself that didn’t know true happiness yet, but he also felt warm and fuzzy remembering a time when everything you two did was new.

“Yeah,” Armin said with a grin, “I remember.”

The first time you had met Armin was purely accidental, a series of fateful events all leading towards the love of your life. You were invited to the event because of your close relation to Sasha, since you helped her study for her chemistry final exam. She wanted to pay you back for helping her get a good grade, so she invited you to Eren’s apartment for a small get-together.

At said get-together is where you met Armin.

You were awkward at first, sitting on Eren’s couch as they all played games on the tv. Sasha offered you excessive amounts of alcohol, to which you mostly accepted. Then, you drunkenly talked to everyone in the room, finally finding your way out of your own shell.

You made your way to Armin, the one person in the room you wanted to talk to more than anything. Ever since you walked into the spacious apartment, you found your eyes drawn to the blonde boy. You wanted to hear anything he could say. You wanted to be near him, you didn’t have to touch, just to feel his presence was enough.

That night made you certain that wishes came true. You talked endlessly with the boy - about anything and everything - and you even got his number before he dropped you off at your apartment. He went home thinking about you and you went home thinking about him.

It was the beginning of a cliche love story, and you liked that. You liked the boy so much that you even thought about him for the rest of night, with your hand in your pajama pants and panting breaths escaping from between your lips.

You leaned back from the boy, making eye contact with his blue eyes. You took in the sight of his up-close face, something so familiar yet so extraordinary at the same time.

“I think about that day a lot.” You smiled tiredly at Armin.

“Oh,” He said with perched eyebrows, “Why?”

You had directed the conversation to exactly where you wanted it. He was exactly where you wanted him to be. The prey making his way to the predator’s trap.

Your cheeks flushed and you looked away, feigning shyness, “No, it’s embarrassing.”

“I doubt it is.” Armin grinned. “Just tell me.”

“You promise not to make fun of me?” You tilted your head, smiling like a schoolgirl. Armin nodded, his mind no longer occupied on the game behind you. He’d rather talk to you anyway. “I have to hear you promise.”

“I promise I won’t make fun of you.”

Your grin was now gone, along with your feigned innocence. You leaned closer to the boy, your chest now flush against his own. Your hands found a new home on his sides, your fingers grazing over his ribs, feeling every bump under your fingertips.

You leaned your mouth to his ear, whispering sensually, “I masturbated to the thought of you that night. After meeting you, it hurt me, just how badly I need you - it hurts.”

Armin’s entire body fell into shock. His stomach tensed under your hands and his breathing came out ragged and broken. His lips were parted slightly, letting his breaths escape.

You knew him well enough to know what was going through his head. You knew he imagined the imagery you set before him. You knew he was thinking about you, lying all pretty on your bed, one hand down your pants and the other covering your eyes. As if you were ashamed to be unknowingly aroused by the idea of him being inside you.

He thought about the desperation in your voice as you confessed to him and he was suddenly hyper aware of your hands on him. You were so close to him, situated on his lap in the perfect position for him to hump up into the air and touch something. Something he suddenly needed as well.

“Oh,” Armin's voice came out as a whisper, “You did?”

You bit back your smile, “Yeah. I still think about it to this day. When I’m lonely. When you’re busy with class. I just think about you, and what I’d let you do to me.”

“And what would you let me do to you?”

Snap. The trap closed around the prey, much to the predator’s delight.

You looked intently into his eyes, “Whatever you’d give to me, I’d take it all.”

Armin’s thigh twitched at the sound of that. He thought about how many inches separated his cock from your entrance. And, his heart rate accelerated when he realized that it was only a few inches, maybe two or three. It would take one strong move and he could finally hear you moan out for him. But, he instead decided to work slowly.

One of Armin’s hands suddenly came to your arm, not even the slightest bit interested in the avatar running around a seemingly empty village behind you. He had his fingers wrapped gingerly around the plush of your bicep.

“Seriously,” Armin asked innocently, “You’d take anything?”

“And everything.” You stated with a glint of desperation in your voice.

Armin moved his arm under your own, his fingers now resting on your hip. You felt your chest tighten with the movement. You knew where his fingers were headed, and your heart couldn’t take the suspense of the moment.

“And,” Armin asked with a curious tilt of his head in your direction, “When do you want me?”

“All the time,” You whispered back to the boy.

It was exactly what he wanted to hear. He dragged his hand along the soft skin of your thigh, fingers digging into the skin and leaving temporary indents.

“And,” Armin said while he watched your eyes intently, “Would you let anyone else touch you this way?”

“No,” You said, “Only you. I only want you.”

Armin loved the thought of you subconsciously comparing everybody else you’ve ever been with to himself. And, he loved knowing they could never come close to him at the top of your mental list. He could even die happy knowing you would never leave him because you know that nobody would ever make you feel the same way. It didn’t matter how he treated you - though he treats you amazingly - he could destroy you mentally and you’d still come crawling back to him at the end of the day.

Armin brought his hand under the opening of your sleep shorts. His fingertips now played with the lacy fabric of your panties underneath. Even physical contact close to where you wanted it caused your core to throb desperately for more.

“Kiss me.” Armin demanded, insinuating a trade with his words. With every good kiss you gave, you’d get something you want in return.

So, you leaned forward and kissed your boyfriend. Your body moved closer to him with each second of the kiss, your back arching and your chest brushing up against his own. Your fingers, still on his sides, now dug into his skin, your nails leaving behind shallow marks to his soft skin.

The room, once filled with the sound of Armin’s mindless conversations with his friends about dragons and taverns, was now filled with the sound of lips smacking together desperately. You then pushed your tongue into his mouth to which he whined hopelessly onto your lips.

Armin’s hand made its way over the lacy panties under your shorts. His fingers brushed against your clothed core. Your boyfriend’s body lit with satisfaction at the knowledge of just how wet you were from only kissing him, sitting on his lap, and talking about how much you needed him. The wetness was already on his fingers, soaking through the thick fabric of your panties.

His fingers brushed the sensitive spot that needed him most and you moaned quietly to his mouth. His lips ate every whine you gave while his fingers brushed further into the sensitive area.

You moved closer to the boy as your hips tried to get even closer to him, desperately bucking into his hand as he teased your entrance. Despite the lack of space between you two already, you tried to connect further to both his body and hand. You wanted to feel everything he felt, you wanted to feel his body heat on top of your own.

Armin had now completely forgotten the game behind you. He wasn’t bothered by leaving his avatar in the middle of a random tavern that his friends had decided to meet up at. And, his friends weren’t bothering him through the headset, instead they all sat quiet on the other end of the call, patiently listening for your moans.

You didn’t know about the boys’ interest in your moment with Armin. And, Armin was too deeply indulged in you that the thought of muting his end of the call never crossed his mind. The boys’ made sure to mute their own ends though, right when they heard you say that first sentence of masturbating to the idea of him. They were sure the moment would progress and nothing was better than free porn, especially when the free porn was moaning so desperately into their ears.

You bit your lip, trying to quiet down your panting breaths, “Can you touch me more?” You whispered the words onto Armin’s lips. “I wanna feel you inside me.”

Armin nodded against your face, his lips finding yours before doing as you pleased. His fingers slipped past the wet fabric of your panties, pushing them to the side. His calloused fingers brushed the soaked area under the panties, dragging out a mostly quiet moan from between your lips.

“In, in,” You said desperately to his mouth, “I want them in.”

Armin smiled against your lips, “Be patient.”

You nodded and felt as his fingertips brushed delicately against the area. His fingers teasingly played with your throbbing core, only making the wetness problem worse. His middle finger leaned up towards your entrance, using the collected slick to enter without much trouble at all.

You let out a high pitched moan at the feeling of something being inside. You lazily kissed Armin’s mouth, leaving wet kisses down his jaw, neck and onto his collarbone as a silent thank you. He openly accepted the gratitude, moving his head up to allow more kisses.

You brought your hips further down, widening your straddle as best you could on the small desk chair. You opened yourself further, hoping the boy would get the memo of how badly you needed a second finger in with the first without you having to say it out loud. But, you knew Armin better than anyone, and you knew he loved to hear your hopeless pleas even if he knew what you wanted already.

“Please,” You whispered into the skin of his neck, “More.”

He listened to your pleas this time, whether because you asked so nicely or because he truly wanted to give you more, you were unsure. But, the logistics of the situation became irrelevant when he pushed the second finger into your entrance. You felt the pressure of the fullness of both fingers and let out a soft moan into his hair, trying to muffle the noise.

“I wanna hear you,” He said as he pushed the two fingers in and out of you, “If you want me to continue, tell me.”

“Please,” You cried out to him.

He loved seeing you so desperate. He loved watching just what a small part of his body could do to you. Whether it be his fingers or his tongue or even his half-hardened cock pressed against your ass while you make breakfast. He loved hearing just how badly you needed him, and only him.

You normally try to stifle your moans, hoping not to disturb a silent peace in the room. But, when Armin told you he wanted to hear you, he meant it as a bargain. If you were loud and desperate for him, he would give you something to be loud and desperate about.

And, loud and desperate was exactly what you were. You pushed your hips into his hands, trying to suck his fingers up further than what he was allowing. You let go of that mental filter in your mind and let your moans come out as they came to your throat. You sent each whine into the sensitive skin of his neck, to which he proudly continued pumping his fingers in and out of you.

The lewd noises coming from beneath your shorts could be heard throughout the entire room and even through the headset. The boys on the other end heard each squelch of your pussy, and mentally stored the sounds in their own heads. They could also hear your moans, and your desperate curses as Armin curled his fingers inside of you, finally letting his fingers hit your sweet spot.

“Armin,” You whined his name out, “I-I’m-”

“You gonna come, baby?” Armin’s voice asked sweetly, contrary to the crude words he had spoken. You nodded your head fiercely against his neck, in silent response to his question. “Then, come.”

And with that final word, you let yourself release on his fingers and in your panties. He rode out your high, letting his fingers stay put for a few moments while you tried to catch your breath against the skin of his neck. You gave the boy sweet kisses to the soft skin, silent thank-yous for what he had done for you.

“Baby,” Armin whispered as he pulled his fingers from under your shorts.

“Mhm,” You mumbled against his skin.

“Want me to fuck you?” His voice was once again sweet for such a crude question.

Your eyes snapped open, “Right now?”

You lean back and look at the boy in front of you. His blue eyes were darkened with a newfound lust from your shared moment. And, you could see he was smiling innocently, despite having just pushed you to climax only a few moments ago.

“Yes,” Armin said, “Right now.”

You nodded before nearly throwing yourself from the desk chair and off of his lap. On your way back to his bed, you ripped your shirt and shorts off before throwing yourself on top of his comforter. Once on the bed, your panties and bra made a dramatic exit as well, sliding off of your legs and arms.

Armin rose from the chair and quickly ripped the headset from his head. With the force of throwing his headset, they unplugged from the computer, much to his friends’ disappointment. Armin walked towards you, taking his clothes off as well and letting them mingle with your own on the floor. He then joined you on the bed, pulling you against him in one swift move and kissing you passionately.

[chaozsilhouette]

Season 3's Mysterious Weapon

I don’t know if anyone has already made a theory about this, but I’m going for it.

As a fan of Monkie Kid and Overly Sarcastic Productions, I couldn’t help but rewatch Red’s playlist for the Journey to the West. (If you haven’t, go to their YouTube channel now. I promise you won’t regret it.) As I was going over part VI, something that had been bothering me started to form a theory. 

During the Journey, Red Boy proved himself to be a powerful adversary, with access to power that could harm the nearly untouchable Sun Wukong, so why didn’t the show ever have him use those powers or mention his time as a disciple of Guanyin?

In the episode ‘Dumpling Destruction’, Tang alluded to their battle, but couldn’t remember the name of the demon. But Tang never struck me as the type who would forget one of Wukong’s enemies, let alone one that forced him to enlist the aid of a bodhisattva who used one of the most bizarre tricks in the Journey. This is a man who prides himself on wisdom after all.

Lady Bone Demon was very obsessed with destiny and erasing Wukong’s memory from the world. It was like her whole thing, but what if she was talking about more than simply stealing his powers and killing him? What if she knew there was a way to erase the actions of another from the history of the world? Or at the least alter them, but now that she has access to even great power, she could truly erase Sun Wukong’s existence despite him being five times immortal.

With this in mind, what if she used Red Boy as a practice run?

By altering his actions of the past, the now dubbed Red Son forgot he could use the True Fire of Samadhi, and his connection to Guanyin was broken thus allowing him to return to his parents, but drastically weakened. Unfortunately, this causes a problem as while DBK and PIF may not remember the power their son once possessed, they know he should be much more powerful than he currently is. And while they have been shown to love him, in their own way, they can’t help but feel disappointed in how weak their son is.

In the visions, she gives Sun Wukong and MK she tends to be surrounded by white and blue fire. The imagery gives the impression that she has the potential to wield the True Flame or at least guide it. It is possible that by removing enough of an individual's memory, or certain memories, she is able to steal not only unique powers but portions of the victim’s strength.

And what if Red Boy wasn’t her only victim?

In the final episode of season two, Wukong showed the gang a map with a particular symbol, one that bore striking resemblance to the one on Red Son’s coat, along with markers with imagines that call to mind different enemies and allies from the original Journey. 

In Season Three, the gang will no doubt meet more of Wukong’s old enemies and allied deities, but what if they are slightly different in ways not even Wukong can explain? What if they had their memories and powers altered by Lady Bone Demon as she honed this ability until her imprisonment and the finale will end with the ultimate Enemy Mine throwdown as dozens of demons align themselves with the next Generation of Pilgrims.

Just imagine, demons and immortals of every shape and size unleashing every kind of hell against the white-haired witch. The Demon Bull family would appear, maybe not all at once, but to offer their own brand of justice after everything she put them through. Red Son would regain his blue flames and remind the world why he was once his father’s pride. What if the weapon to defeat lady Bone Demon is the righteous fury of everyone she manipulated channeled into the True Fire of Samadhi. Or at least weaken her to the point where MK can finally put her down.

But what if simply killing her will not fix everything. Red Son did not regain his powers when she was sealed away and killing her would forever put the dozens of hard-earned abilities out of reach from their true owners. A new problem could arise in how the team could restore what was taken even as LBD continues to try and manipulate those around her or tempt them into killing her, thus ensuring that even in death she had the last laugh.

The gang would have also improved over their journey. Mei would tap into more of her family’s heritage, maybe gaining a few face markings and horns. I can just see Tang learning how to create barriers and becoming a healer, in reference to his inspiration being a holy man.

Okay, that was a lot. But I just had to say it.

What do you guys think?

[oneshortdamnfuse]

long post cw / self-diagnosis and misconceptions of intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming

So, I noticed that a lot of people on social media have been assigning a wide range of behaviors and attitudes to mental illness. As a result, a lot of people have been self-diagnosing, especially as ADHD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Now, I am a person who truly believes that most people deviate from ‘normal’ when it comes to mental health. I don’t personally take issue with self diagnosis either. I grew up in a family of mentally ill parents who stigmatized my own mental health problems, refusing to get me help or a diagnosis. However, there is a boat load of misinformation about specific symptoms that I keep seeing pop up. There’s a trend towards pathologizing things that really don’t need to be indicative of mental illness.

Two things I experience that are heavily misunderstood are intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming. I keep seeing vague explanations of both with the consequence being that people are suddenly worried they are severely mentally ill for having any kind of bad thought or daydreaming at all. So, I think it’s really critical to talk about what these look like as someone who has lived with both their entire life. Note, I am not a mental health professional but neither are many people making pop psychology posts and videos on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and yes - Tumblr. At some point we need to recognize that while it can be difficult or even unnecessary to separate one’s own mental illness from everything they do that doesn’t mean we should be living, breathing diagnostic criteria for others.

Intrusive thoughts are not just negative thoughts you have about yourself, nor are they just rational worries amplified. You can experience those kinds of thoughts and still be mentally ill, sure. However, it is common for people to think negative things about themselves like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m going to fail.” Those statements might not be true, but they usually arise in stressful or challenging situations. That is not my experience with intrusive thoughts, at all. I experience excessive worrying and a negative mindset, sure, but my intrusive thoughts are quite... scary, disturbing, and distressing. Thinking bad things about yourself and/or other people is unpleasant and it can make you feel bad. Intrusive thoughts are more intense, as well as more random and illogical than that.

I am not suicidal, but growing up I had intrusive thoughts about cutting off my fingers, hand, arm, etc. whenever I walked by knives. So, I made sure to avoid knives. In gory detail, I had intrusive thoughts about jumping over railings to my death. So, I avoided railings. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts with blasphemous imagery, sexual imagery, and violent imagery that my brain would churn out against my will. It got so bad my overly religious mother believed I was possessed and / or being talked to by ‘demons.’ I don’t want to confuse anyone. This is not the same as having ‘voices in your head,’ but it does involve feeling like random, disturbing thoughts are being inserted into your brain against your will. To this day, I avoid content that will trigger these kinds of thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are very hard to talk about, and they come with a lot of fear and shame. We may be perceived as evil, possessed, or violent based on the content of our thoughts but it’s important to know that what makes them intrusive is that they’re unwanted; they’re not a true reflection of one’s desires. Pretty much anyone can have a random, disturbing thought from time to time - common one involves people suddenly thinking about crashing their car while they’re driving. However, the frequency of them and the way you cope with them could indicate mental illness. A lot of people who have OCD have intrusive thoughts, but this is a particular type of OCD. I am obsessive compulsive, for context, but I don’t say I have OCD because I don’t actually have a diagnosis due to stigma.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a relatively new term, but it essentially relates to dissociation. I have talked about it before, so you can check out my #maladaptive daydreaming tag. There has been some research on it with a suggested diagnostic criteria for MADD (maladaptive daydreaming disorder). However, a lot of people took the idea and ran with it to pathologize really innocuous behaviors including but not limited to 1) enjoying books and 2) having an imagination. This completely ignores the ‘maladaptive’ part. First of all, dissociation is very common. In fact, it’s normal. Daydreaming is a common, even healthy form of dissociation that can relieve stress and anxiety. Enjoying books is a very common, healthy activity as well. If it’s not maladaptive, there’s nothing wrong with it!

Maladaptive daydreaming often develops out of trauma as a way to cope with situations we cannot physically escape from. Mine developed from living in an emotionally abusive, sometimes physically violent household with alcoholic parents. Maladaptive daydreaming can involve losing hours of time, imagining one’s self in a different place or fixating on a particular daydream so much you lose touch with reality, losing real connections or relationships in the process. The content of these daydreams can be intense, even distressing but in a ‘controlled’ way. They can repeat until you get it right, like an obsessive compulsive habit. They can also be addictive, where one may rather ‘live’ in their daydreams than in the real world. I talk about what this looks like for me in my other posts.

If you’re an avid reader, you could be a maladaptive daydreamer. You could also just be a fan of stories, have a healthy imagination, and/or you’re easily bored without something to read. If it’s not maladaptive, it’s not necessarily a problem and you don’t need to pathologize it. For me personally, I hate reading in part because I am a maladaptive daydreamer and I have intrusive thoughts. I can’t concentrate on what I read without interference from one or the other, making reading a highly stressful experience. I’m not making this post to devalue anyone else’s experience or question the validity of anyone else’s mental health concerns. Rather, I want to illuminate what this looks like for me and for people to question oversimplified representations of intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming they see online.