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idealisticrealism · 1 year

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TCL 2x10 recap

Hi I loooooooved this episodeeeeeeeeee

Many thoughts below lol

Okay first things first, I already love this song (Velvet Ring by Big Thief) and it has had many plays on my TCL playlist lol. But ugh Thony alone in the house with her critically ill son, her whole life revolving around administering those meds every 6 hours? This show loves causing me pain haha speaking of which, her IV line has not been correctly primed (to remove air bubbles) and I’m being so brave about it lol But anyway ngl it makes me giggle a bit that this cake has apparently taken like 12 hours to make lol. Ah, stress baking. We’ve all been there. But omg wait IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY???? Aaaaaaahh I know in 2x05 he said he was ‘almost six’ but I didn’t realise he meant he was only like 2 weeks away from it!! Omg which makes me even more emotional about Thony looking back at him before she left to take the jet to Manila, knowing she might not ever be able to come back ughhh. And then they have their little birthday party, just the two of them– just like it used to be, them against the world while Marco was off doing who knows what– and ugh how hard it must be to go back to that after months of having a loving family surrounding them with Fi and the kids and even Arman? And then ugh the way she smiles at him and blows out the candles for him, even though you can see how much it’s breaking her heart to see him like this? Someone save meee

Okay holy hell I don’t know what inspired this Nadia look but I am INTO IT. We stan a stunning and badass queen. But omg the fact RK keeps all his meds in his office drawer? Seems unlikely for a guy who likes to appear invulnerable. This moment is hilarious though bc she takes a pic of the meds, but most of them are turned so you can’t even read the label? Very helpful lolllll. Of the six pull bottles in the drawer, I can only make out one name clearly, which is Ibuprofen, aka literally an over-the-counter mild painkiller, which he also appears to have been given then incorrect dose of. He appears to be on a blood thinner which I am extremely curious about, plus something for blood pressure, which is unsurprising tbh lol, given the way he works himself up haha– and speaking of which, he’s taking something for anxiety/agitation lol (definitely unsurprising). It entertains me so much that the pill bottle appears to list the medication as ‘benzodiazepines’ which is actually the drug class, not a specific drug itself lol. Seriously, TCL writers, any chance you want to hire me as your medical advisor?? I'll do it for free!! Hell, I’ll pay you to let me do it lol. Bc as much as I loved this ep, the medical stuff was painful haha. But anyway when Robert comes in, Nadia seems to grab the pill bottle from the far end, which is literally the Ibuprofen– and he tells her they’re too strong for her. Help this is too funny. Also I’ve tried that pressure point before (did it actually help? No idea lol) but it definitely won't help rn bc he’s literally not even putting pressure on the spot? Lol. Honestly I thought he was doing this as an excuse to check her pulse and see if she was hiding something, but his fingers aren’t in the right spot for that either. Bro’s literally just sitting there tenderly holding her hand lol (not that I can blame him lol, I’d do the same). But uh oh the way he reacts to her mention of Arman running the club with her, and his “in my business we eliminate liabilities” line… yeah things definitely ain't looking great for Arman rn. Also sidenote but seriously Robert what is up with that silver clasp on your jacket you look ridiculous. Ask your bae for some style tips please lol

Ugghhhh Fi desperately trying to clean for JD, trying to feel like she’s contributing something and not just being a burden, and also trying to show her appreciation and gratitude in one of the few ways she can. ‘Acts of service’ is definitely one of her love languages ugh. Also omgggg Laura the gf is gooooone (sorry, faceless name-buddy, but I’m on Fi’s side here lol) and aaaaaaaaahhh J-Fi are being all cute and flirty and kissing and omg my ship is sailing???? Honestly this is happening waaay too quick and easy and I’m a little terrified about that, but I’m just going to ignore that dread and enjoy it while I can lol. Also poor man is going to get a crick in his neck having to bend down that far to kiss her lol. He doesn't seem to mind though, and i certainly don't either haha. But sigh Thony couldn’t you have waited another minute on the cockblocking?? Let your girl get some, bc god knows she deserves it haha. (Ngl Thony deserves it too; hurry up and get your act together, Armony! Take some lessons from J-Fi lol). But ugh JD is just so sweet and understanding and I love him???? I love how happy he makes her. And ‘we’re not done with this’ YEAH GIRL GET IT. (Not exactly sure how you’ll go about that when you’ve got a house full of kids, but I believe in you lol)

(*Casually pretends like I didn’t just spend over an hour photo-editing a screenshot I took of the ‘The Cleaning Ladies’ banner hanging on the wall of their office so I could have a good clear copy of their logo lol*)

Aaaanyways, speaking of the office, the decor is so funny to me, with all the colourful cleaning products perfectly spaced along the walls. Like it looks cute and all but I feel that it just has to be a really inconvenient way for them to be stored when they actually need to be used?? Ngl I also have some things to say about how the meds are arranged/displayed in the clinic part as well but I’m just going to let that slide lol. But oooooh what a beautiful serendipitous occurrence that she and Arman just happen to be there ~alone~ at the same time… like hey you two, I hear there’s a free bed at the back of the clinic??? Just saying lol. But ugh I love that Arman goes from ‘oh shit better deflect quick and hope she doesn’t question why I’m here’, right to ‘wait my Thony-is-upset senses are tingling, must give ALL THE COMFORT’ in like 2 seconds flat lol. Tbh I’ll never be over the incredibly gentle way he looks at her here, or that tiny “Hey, Thony?” that escapes him when he sees her struggling to get the words out. Our boy just hates seeing her hurting ughhh. And then finally he reaches for her just like in 1x06– hands not quite touching her, letting her decide whether to accept his embrace or not– and ugh she steps straight into him, her head pressing against his chest as she cries. And honestly I am obsessed with the fact that she only breaks down like this in front of him?? Even with Fi, she works hard to keep herself fairly together– her voice shakes and her eyes get shiny, but she doesn’t cry, and she’s often the one reassuring Fi that it will all be okay. But with Arman she doesn’t have to hold back, doesn’t have to be the strong one. For those brief few moments, she can just let herself be the one being comforted for once, can let herself simply sink into the comfort of his solid body as he holds her, his cheek resting against her head as he promises her that she’ll get through this. Tbh given that we can’t see her right hand, I’m going to headcanon that it’s in between them, gripping the edge of his jacket and holding on tight because she can’t actually hold him– not when she (mistakenly, obviously) thinks he’s Nadia’s once more. Which is a big part of the reason why she pulls back again before too long, all too aware of all that’s standing between them, forcing her to have to put up her walls again ugh. Ngl I love how carefully he held her though– in 1x06, he couldn’t stop himself from holding her face, from looking at her mouth, making it clear to her how much he wanted her. Now, they’re obviously both already fully aware of that, just as they’re aware of how complicated things are, and so he keeps his hands only on her back, his grip light, letting her pull away when she’s ready. Though lbr after the shit that these two have been through lately, they both need like an hour-long hug lol (damn I should have pitched that to the writers for the finale lol)

Poor foolish Arman was really hoping he was going to get outta there without her asking him again what he was doing lol. Too bad, buddy. But ugh you can see him considering the idea of lying to her and keeping her in the dark about his plans– like he did with Nadia in S1 about the gun deal/Mexico stuff etc– but he can’t. After 1x05, he and Thony don’t lie to each other anymore, and so even though he knows she won’t approve, he still tells her. And okay I know that this scene has caused a lot of contention in the fandom– and a lot of hate for Thony, which I’m sad about– but I’m going to come right out and say it: Thony is right, and Arman is wrong. Now before i go any further, let’s not forget that I have been one of Arman’s most vocal supporters in the fandom all season, especially when he was getting hate in the early/middle eps; these huge recaps are literally evidence of how much I love and support my boy haha. And I am still very much his supporter now, and I completely understand why he is becoming desperate to free them all from RK (see my last recap for more about that, since I feel I've already covered his perspective pretty well there). But I have to say that in this case, I am in complete agreement with Thony. So let’s see if I can explain lol.

Okay so firstly let’s talk about Arman's plan to kill RK. He intends to do it by creating a toxic interaction between RK's regular medications and the Digoxin that he just grabbed at the clinic, thus causing a seemingly-natural heart attack without ever having to touch RK. Sounds like a perfect crime! No one will ever know! It’s brilliant, right? Wrong! It’s a terrible plan literally full of flaws. And okay look, I can say with some amount of authority here that with the exact right combination of circumstances– taking into account the medication and dose used, the specific medications the person is on, their pre-existing level of cardiac function and overall health, and also like a huge amount of sheer luck– there is the chance it would work. A very small chance, but sure, it exists. In this situation, however? No way. And Thony, a fucking cardiac surgeon, knows this. Even if Arman manages to succeed with giving RK the Digoxin undetected (a huge risk in itself), then the chance of it interacting with his meds is incredibly low, and the chance of it causing a fatal heart attack is practically non-existent. Thony knows all this, and maybe if she was well-rested and stress-free (instead of sleep deprived and emotionally distraught from caring for her dying child) then she would have been able to explain it to him calmly and in a way that he'd understand. But she’s got no mental space for that, especially when her mind is immediately equating the loss of RK with the loss of Luca’s meds– aka, her only chance of saving Luca's life. Because, remember, he is DYING. Like actively dying as we speak. If that fluid around the lungs keeps building up, his lungs won’t be able to take in the amount of oxygen needed to supply his body, and he’ll go into multi-organ failure and die. And that’s not to mention that his liver is already failing– if she can’t counteract that soon with the meds, then draining the fluid won’t help. He’ll die from the flood of toxins being released from his diseased liver, much of which will invade his brain, creating irreversible and fatal damage. And okay I’m sorry I know I’m getting grim here, but I have literally watched people die from this multiple times, because once it gets past a certain point, even an entire medical team can’t help. And I don’t doubt that Thony has seen it happen many times too, and so knows exactly the horrible fate that Luca is heading towards– and yet people are really out here judging her for doing whatever it takes to stop it from happening????? Guys. Guys.

Like okay I absolutely do believe that Arman intends to get her the drugs asap (even though he did a terrible job of actually communicating that intention to her), and I'm sure that he’s confident he can definitely make it happen– but honestly it doesn’t matter. The risk is just too goddamn high, because if even just one thing goes wrong– and based on his-less-than-airtight plan, it almost definitely will– then the meds will be lost, and Luca is dead. And possibly Arman is too, if he gets caught by RK. Honestly Arman is too blinded by his need to be free of RK to be able to see how flawed his plan is and how grave the consequences could be. He’s also blinded by the hurt and anger he feels when Thony demands “With what money? What resources?” because it makes him feel like she doesn't trust him, and that his money and connections were all that actually mattered to her– not him– and that now that there’s someone else who has far more of both, he’s been tossed aside. Which is absolutely not true (dude, she loves you, you idiot), but it still hits right on target of one of Arman’s main character flaws: his fear that he is only valued or wanted by others because of what he can give them, and that if he can no longer provide those things, then he will be deemed worthless and abandoned. It’s been fascinating to see that trait become more overt this season, but man does it lead to him making some goddamn questionable decisions lol. Ugh but anyway, I feel like I’ve ranted about this for long enough, so TLDR: Thony is right to try to stop Arman, and it’s not her fault that she didn’t necessarily handle the conversation well, especially considering it was abruptly sprung on her when she’s already practically at her breaking point because her child is dying and she is devoting every ounce of energy she has into trying to keep that from happening. Fight me on it lol

Ok this big bald guy better be careful, Thony is having the week from hell and tbh could snap at any moment haha. I think we can all assume he’s definitely there because RK wants her to know that he’s watching, that he holds the power here and that she can’t escape, but I kinda hope that it also is a little bit because he values her now and wants her (or okay, maybe his investment in her) protected from Sin Cara?

And then oooh Nadia has a guard too (again, for protection, but also because RK is possessive as fuck lol) and I appreciate that he at least didn’t even try to stop Arman going to see her? Tbh I could have believed RK giving the order that Arman is to be kept away from Nadia, but he probably didn’t want to upset her by doing that. But omg okay hold up, Arman is making Nadia dose RK? Holy shit, this is further evidence that Arman really is acting like a cornered animal and not thinking things through, bc he would normally have never put her at risk like that. He would have used her to get the info he needed, like what drugs RK is on, and maybe to create a distraction, but he would do the risky bit himself. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you and it’s not going to come down to that” you can’t promise that!!! Your plan is so full of holes you could use it as a fishing net! And omg "just put enough of these in his drink to stop his heart" oh yeah and do you know how many that is, Arman?? Do you??? I can guarantee Nadia doesn’t! Plus there's no certainty that the drug will even have that effect on his heart!! This plan is the worst aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! But ugh at least he has actually taken clear steps to find Luca’s meds and get access to them– and omg the helpless look on his face when Nadia realises that the meds he's so determined to get are for Thony, and the way he tells her it's not up for debate?? That was hot. But see this is what he needed to make clear to Thony at the clinic, that he was actually actively in process of getting the meds and that he wasn’t going to kill RK until after he had them. Unless maybe it was their argument that made him realise how urgent the situation was and so he stepped up his meds-acquisition plans to show her that he could be relied upon and that he wouldn’t do anything that might endanger Luca. Who knows.

Curious about why Thony did a peritoneal tap (draining the abdomen) rather than a pleural tap (draining the chest), considering Luca's abdomen didn't look at all distended/swollen, but lbr it was probably just easier to film lol. Also the ‘dressing’ she put on would be practically useless in preventing fluid leakage or the infiltration of bacteria, but whatevs lol. It was cool getting to see his Chevron incision from the surgery– ngl I’d wondered which kind of incision she’d used (oh, the things I think about lol).

Honestly I’m surprised Garrett didn’t immediately go track Arman down and bring him in the moment he saw that partial print, but I guess Russo is managing to keep him under control for now. (Since it’s at least the day after they matched the print, I’m curious about what he did when he got home– get drunk and stare at Maya’s photo or something? Or did he stay late at the office trying to find more evidence begot finally going home to crash?). But lol at his theory that Arman killed Maya bc he found out she was an informant, and was worried she would rat him out– for what, lol? Arman and Maya literally never met until the night he shot her, and he had nothing to do with Cortes’ whole cartel thing until the FBI made him get involved. Maya would have known absolutely nothing about Arman or any of his activities. Also slight sidenote but I find it so funny that they never tied Hayak’s death to him– like clearly the autopsy would have found the puncture mark in his neck, and so the next logical step is to check the camera footage for everyone who had been in the infirmary lately and might have gotten access to needles? And if they'd done that, they would have seen who had just been in there earlier for a check of the wounds he received after being attacked by inmates who were clearly hired by someone with lots of money? C'mon detectives. This is not a hard one lol. But sigh anyway, I’ll forgive this show for a plothole or two– especially one like this, because Arman getting pinned for Hayak’s murder and spending his life in jail would have been very inconvenient for my Armony shipping plans lol. But hmm ok Russo does seem genuinely determined to get RK and everyone he’s connected to, so maybe my conspiracy theory is a little crazy lol. Oh well, it was a fun thought

You know it surprises me how much I actually love Thony/Nadia scenes. There’s obviously tension there– resentment from Nadia, guilt from Thony, and jealousy from both sides– but idk, they’re oddly united by the simple fact that they both love Arman. I’d also like to think that it was a deliberate costuming choice in this scene that they are both wearing blue rn– which has been the colour most associated with Arman through the show (for Nadia it’s green, and for Thony it’s obviously red) but that’s probably just me imagining things lol. But so anyway, I love that Nadia could have had her big security guy immediately throw Thony out, but instead she wordlessly led her to the office where they could talk. Ngl though I did giggle at her ‘well that’s progress’ line when Thony said Arman wasn’t answering her calls. The snark is strong with this one lol. But ugh their argument is amazing for so many reasons? Thony begging for Nadia’s help, knowing she has no right to, but doing it anyway because there’s literally nothing she won’t do to save Luca. Nadia clearly feeling a reluctant pity for Thony even despite her anger. Thony trying not to react to the way Nadia keeps using ‘we’ to refer to herself and Arman like they’re a single unit. Nadia getting pissed at Thony for working with RK and ‘betraying’ Arman, which is exactly what Thony got pissed at her for doing only a few eps ago. Nadia clearly now believing that Thony just uses people to get what she wants and then discards them (making the point by referring to RK as being Thony’s ‘hero’ now, after having called Arman that multiple times in previous eps)– a belief which would then make her even angrier that Thony destroyed their marriage seemingly for nothing. And– maybe because of that– Nadia deliberately not mentioning that Arman is literally out getting Luca’s meds for her right now. Then there's Thony’s instant and strong reaction when Nadia accuses her of not caring what happens to Arman, and then going quiet and clenching her jaw at the genuine worry and certainty in Nadia’s voice when she says RK is going to kill Arman, and the way she then leaves without trying to argue further. And let’s not forget the fact that she didn’t actually tell Nadia that they can’t kill Kamdar, but just told her to wait. Honestly I think that once she got her hands on Luca’s meds and ensured he was safe, she would have actually helped them to kill RK (and in a much smarter way lol), and I think that if Arman had answered any of her damn calls, she would have told him that. When they spoke at the clinic she was already upset and also completely caught off guard by his plan, but she’s had time to calm down and think about it now, and I think she would have talked it out with him and come up with a joint plan that would have protected both him and Luca. But instead of that, we got some real 'Romeo and Juliet' style miscommunication happening here, and well, that’s never led to disaster, right??? Right??

Lol if I saw Arman walking through my workplace, I too would follow after him and stare at him like these two guys are hahaha. Btw where is this shipping container place? Vegas, surely, because I assume he didn’t drive the 4 hours to LA just to talk to this guy lol. Also ngl I have to giggle because it’s been literally like a couple of days since Thony was in Manila, and yet they’re all acting like the meds have already reached the States or will be arriving at any moment, despite the fact that shipping something on a freighter from the Philippines to the US would take at least 3 weeks haha. Ah, TV magic. But ugh anyway who cares about that when Arman is so hot in this scene?? Firstly there’s his annoyance at this guy disrespecting him and trying to haggle with him– something I bet he would never have even dared to attempt in the pre-prison days– and then there’s his fury about the fact that by practically holding the container hostage, the man is endangering Luca. (Not to mention that any delay with getting the meds would mean that Thony would keep on believing that Arman can no longer be relied upon to protect Luca– I mean, not that she actually believes that, but Arman thinks she does). Honestly Arman is probably relieved to have the chance to let out his anger on someone (he could have literally just pulled his gun on the guy, but he chose to get physical haha), and unlike that asshole guy he beat for RK in 2x05, he’s doing this for himself. Ugh I have missed Big Bad Mob Boss* Arman (*with a secret heart of gold lol). I also love how useless the two musclemen were at protecting their boss haha. And then ugh his "nobody touches the cargo but me!"– he's really not taking any chances with Luca’s meds now ughhhh. I would die for him Your Honour

Nadia is crushing up pills in the bathroom and I am wheezing because a) our girl has clearly had some ~experience~ at this, which tbh is hardly surprising considering the type of party we first meet her at; and b) she’s literally got three tablets??? THREE. Three tablets of 250mcg of Digoxin (the dosage was on the bottle). That’s a total of 750 micrograms, aka LESS THAN A MILLIGRAM. For RK’s approximate weight, that’s literally considered a normal therapeutic dose. You know how much Digoxin it generally takes to create a severe acute toxic reaction? Usually more than TEN milligrams, but at the very least more than 5mg, unless someone has some pretty significant health issues and just happens to be having some REALLY shit luck that day. And as far as I could determine from his meds, the only thing RK was taking that has any potential to interact with the Digoxin would be the Benzos, but he takes a low dose and likely only uses them as needed, which means he probably hasn’t got any in his system currently. And hey, again, you know who would have known all this? THONYYYYY. Like I’m sorry if I’m ruining the very serious moment of Nadia putting her would-be ‘murder weapon’ into her cleavage in a folded up $20 lol but I just can’t deal with any of this at all hahahahaa

Ooooh Thony meeting with Garrett in the carwash, so clandestine haha. And tbh I’m actually impressed that he manages not to immediately give away that he knows about Arman and Maya, and about Thony likely lying to him, especially when the first thing she does is ask him for yet another favour lol. But holy shit she just comes right out and says that Arman is planning to kill Kamdar? Ngl that caught me off guard (I want to google if it’s technically actually illegal to make plans to kill someone– like I assume so, depending on how detailed and feasible they are?– but I don’t want to bring the feds to my own doorstep by looking it up lol). But man it really shows that Thony has come to trust Garrett– lbr him protecting Chris would have gone a long way for that– but also that she took Nadia seriously when she said that Arman was in danger from RK. Bc consider Thony's line “Arman is planning on killing Kamdar, and I need you to protect him”. Garrett takes that to mean that she wants him to protect RK from Arman, which is partly true– until she has Luca’s meds, she does still need him– but I also think that when she says ‘I need you to protect him’, she also means Arman. He needs protection from himself– from taking part in a foolish plan that could easily get him sent to prison or killed– and he needs protection from RK’s men, who could also come for him before Arman even has a chance to act on his plan. And so she asks someone she trusts– a man who is literally a trained FBI agent, and who has already protected someone she loves– to keep an eye on Arman, and keep him away from RK. I can see how some fans would call this a betrayal of Arman, but I honestly don’t see it that way at all. I see it as Thony doing the only thing she can to protect both Luca (by preventing RK’s death and the loss of access to the meds) and Arman (by literally giving him his own bodyguard). Yes, this will screw over Arman’s plans, but that’s a price she’s willing to pay– and like I said last week regarding Arman choosing to protect himself and Thony by killing Kamdar even against her wishes, her stopping him is just the same– both are a situation of “I love you enough to do what needs to be done to save you, even if it makes you hate me”. Which is why Thony is doing what's necessary to protect Arman, even if it comes at the cost of damage to their relationship and the trust between them. After all, it keeps coming back to what he said to her in 1x01: “when it comes to keeping your son [aka the people you love] alive, it’s not about doing things the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can.”

But man this ep really is aptly named, huh? Practically every scene explores the concept of trust– Thony wanting Arman to trust her judgement and not act on his plans. Arman wanting Thony to trust that he can and will protect Luca. Arman trusting Nadia to carry out this plan with him. Nadia trusting that his plan will work. Thony trusting Garrett to protect Arman (and him breaking that trust by almost murdering him). Garrett's trust in Thony being broken by her lying to him about Maya. Fi being forced to question her trust in Thony. Like damn writers, you’re really exploring human nature here aren’t you

Lol at first I thought all these texts were from Nadia to RK, and that he had actually stood her up bc he’d figured out their plan and had ditched their dinner to go abduct Arman again. But then I learned to read and saw that the texts were to Arman. Clearly something has held him up, since he said he was 10 minutes away and the tone of her texts suggests it’s been longer than that. Also sidenote, but on rewatching I noticed that right before the shot cuts to the next scene, you can see the actor who plays RK in the background, waiting just outside the door for his signal before he starts walking into the main club area lol

Aaaand now we know why Arman is delayed haha. Fell for the old kidnapper-hiding-in-the-backseat trick huh? Though tbh given the size of that car I think it would be very hard to miss a six foot man scrunched up in the backseat lol. Guess Arman just had a lot of other stuff on his mind haha. But daaaamn Garrett this is definitely not what Thony meant when she said to keep Arman away from Kamdar! Tbh I don’t love that they clearly split the scene of Nadia in Fastlane and put this in the middle of it, because it throws the chronological order out of whack, but I guess it created more suspense this way or whatever lol.

Apparently Nadia managed to get off a few more texts in the 10 or so seconds before RK crossed over to her from the doorway haha. Honestly though I think I’m becoming paranoid bc when he held out the gift box I was like IS IT GONNA HAVE SOME KIND OF PROOF IN THERE SHOWING HE KNOWS SHE’S PLANNING TO BETRAY HIM?? But then it was just a matching necklace, which then prompted the thought of ‘watch out it’s a listening device!!!!’ lol. God this show has me too on edge. Also lol RK is so goddamn Extra, like he wants to take her to Buenos Aires for sunrise?? Cool just a casual 14 hour flight in a tight dress lol. Though then again maybe his whole plan is to get her out of the dress for the flight haha. Love the ‘To our new beginning’ today bc from her it's more like ‘to your end’ lol. Honestly I have so much respect for Nadia for what she does in this next scene; like not only does she stall him for an hour to give Arman time to show up, but then when he doesn’t come, she doesn’t abandon the mission?? She makes her own distraction and then actually goes for it and doses his drink??? Like firstly omggggg girl you are literally drugging someone in a crowded area where there are multiple potential witnesses, not to mention cameras, and also where Robert himself could turn around at any second and catch her in the act?? Tbh I am now headcanoning that Sophie the waitress did actually see her do it, bc she fills up the glass literally moments later, but since Nadia has always been nice to her and RK only pays her minimum wage, she’s like ‘eh not my problem’ lol. Women supporting women, amirite?? Ngl I would totally watch a Sophie POV series of all the drama she witnesses between RK, Nadia, Arman, and Thony lol. But anyway speaking of the champagne– even once the drug is in the glass, she has so little time for it all to dissolve away???? Like did she experiment beforehand and see how long it would take?? And what about the way the medication would change the taste??? God this plan is the worst and while I am so impressed by Nadia’s bravery and her taking that risk for Arman (well, and also for her inheritance, since it makes me feel more comfortable to think that she’s doing it for selfish reasons as well as for Arman lol), this whole situation still stresses me out far too much aaaaahhh

Oh man Garrett taking Arman to the dumping spot looks so disturbingly reminiscent of Arman killing the guy in 2x04 aaaaaah. But ugh the resignation on Arman’s face– lbr he’s been waiting for this moment. Whether it was Garrett, or RK, or someone else, he’s known that this day was coming for him; that after all he’s done, he’s been living on borrowed time. I just keep thinking of the Hamilton lyrics for him: I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. Is this where it gets me, on my feet, several feet ahead of me? I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be? But ugh even for all Garrett’s big talk (“do you think anyone would give a crap if your body was one of [the dumped corpses]?” like uh yeah buddy, Thony would sure as hell care) his gun isn’t steady and he’s clearly trying to work himself up to the idea of pulling the trigger. Also dude it annoys me so much that he says "What I really want is to know everything about the night that you put a bullet in Maya’s head" because she wasn’t shot in the head??? We clearly see (when her body is pulled out of the river) that Arman shot her in the chest. Which is also the place that makes the most sense??? It’s a bigger target, it’s quick and clean, and there’s just no way Arman would shoot an innocent woman in the head. Ugh c’mon writers, keep up lol. I thought maybe Garrett was trying to bait Arman into correcting him and revealing he did shoot her, but it didn’t really seem like that. But sigh anyway. Clearly Garrett needed to get all of this stuff off his chest about Maya, and the kind of person she was, and how she’s dead because of Arman– but tbh I think Garrett is also saying it to himself a little, like reminding himself that if she’d never met him, she never would have ended up in that river. I love that Garrett is the one to bring up Thony, showing that he knows what it means to Arman that Maya saved Thony from Cortes. Garrett knows what they are to each other, which is why when Arman turns and looks him in the eye and tells him (even though he knows that Garrett might have a recording device on him that's listening to every word) that he’d had to choose between Maya’s life or Thony’s, and that if Thony hadn’t been there, then things would have turned out differently– Garrett knows that he’s telling the truth. And even more than that, he knows the impossibility of the choice Arman was faced with, which is why he lowers the gun. He later says that he never would have done what Arman did and taken a life like that, but honestly I’m not so sure, and I don’t think he is either. He didn’t hesitate to kill Cortes when Maya was potentially in danger from him, and though killing an innocent would have been much harder for him, the whole point is that the ‘rat’ in the chair was going to die no matter what, so the choice was either to kill the rat and ensure the survival of the woman he loves, or to let all three of them be murdered for nothing. Faced with that situation, I’m certain Garrett would have pulled the trigger too.

Also dude I would have loved to see what the drive back to the gas station was like, the two of them sitting silently next to each other, both dwelling on their own grim thoughts? And then ugh when Garrett tells Arman that the second he's is no longer useful to him, he will bury him? That was hot tbh. Honestly I am living for the connection developing between these two, these former-nemeses-turned-reluctant-allies, and I can’t wait to see more of them. Their relationship is so fascinating because there is so much tension and resentment and anger but there’s also a grudging respect and regard, at least from Arman’s side (because of everything that Garrett has done for Thony) as well as remorse from Arman about his role in Garrett losing the woman he loves. Ngl I dream of a S3 where Arman and Thony are badass mob bosses of their medication import business (Nadia is happily elsewhere being queen of La Habana and Fastlane, being fawned over by men and women alike) and Armony have their morally dubious FBI buddy who they feed info to about bad guys and help him put them away behind bars. Please give it to me writers, I’d do anythiiinggggg

Okay excuse me show, you cannot just put the Armony theme music over a scene with Fi and Luca??? Firstly Luca has his own damn theme music, and secondly, don’t you know I have a very strong Pavlovian response to this specific melody lol?? That was just cruel lol

Anyway ughhhhh J-Fi are so cute with their flirting over the phone and her giddy little face, she’s like a schoolgirl with a crush omg I love themmmm

Ok honestly, I just really don’t understand how people are hating on Thony for this ep. Like she finds out Arman’s plan, and then literally the moment she is done with the procedure that Luca needs to stay alive, she leaves him with Fi while she goes to La Habana to try to talk to Arman and keep him from putting both himself and Luca in danger. But instead she finds Nadia, so she begs her to stop the plan. Then she goes straight to the one person she knows who has the best chance of keeping Arman safe, and begs him to help. And then later she literally goes to RK himself to try to convince him of how beneficial it would be to have Arman working with her on the medication importing operation, how she needs an asset like him. Like guys the woman literally left her critically ill child at home and spent the day running all over town trying to protect Arman (and ok yes, protecting Luca’s meds too, but it was never just about that). And then ugh at Fastlane when RK tries to get threatening, asking her if she’s telling him how to run his business, she stands her ground and tells him that her and Arman running the meds operation together for him was what they had all agreed to in the first place, and ugh just look at these two brave women both trying to protect Arman from RK?? Albeit going about it in very different (and somewhat conflicting) ways lol. I do kind of love that RK genuinely seems to think highly of Thony and her Badass Mob Boss potential, and wants to see her free herself from Arman, who he clearly considers to be purely dead weight. Like aw that’s nice that he’s been drinking his Respect Women (And Their Right To Do Crime) Juice lately, but shame that it comes with the side effect of hating Arman even more for the fact that he is valued and desired by these amazing women lol

So I hope you didn’t think I was done with my medical ranting because hoooooooooooo boyyyyyy I am not even CLOSE haha. Like honestly I was just going to let all of the medical stuff in this ep slide and not say anything, bc it’s TV and inaccuracies are just an inherent aspect of that, but @enigmaticfox (the little devil on my shoulder that she is) told me to go for it, and so now you must all suffer with me haha. So where to begin?? Maybe with the fact that acute digoxin toxicity is most likely to take around 2 hours post ingestion to actually start showing symptoms? Or that it is far more likely to present with vomiting and abdominal pain than sudden cardiac arrest? And oh boy I could definitely say many many things about Thony’s CPR lol, but instead I will be generous and admit that it can’t be all that easy to simulate true CPR on TV (though I have certainly seen it done much better than this on other shows haha). But I will NOT be generous about the whole "we don’t know what meds he’s on, so shocking him could kill him" nonsense lol. Important PSA to anyone reading this: if you see someone collapse from what seems to be a heart attack, and there’s a defibrillator nearby, please for the love of god put the defibrillator on them. It will literally TELL you whether their heart is in a rhythm that can be shocked or not. (And honestly even if it’s not, as long as they’re not breathing and don’t have a pulse, getting shocked anyway won’t actually hurt them– it just won’t help fix the problem at all, and will delay you resuming CPR for no reason which is definitely not what we want). So basically they 100% should have at the very least put the defibrillator pads on and checked the rhythm– and in fact, the two main cardiac-arrest rhythms caused by Dig toxicity are VF and VT, which are both shockable. But I guess the writers wanted to make it clear that without Thony there, Arman's plan would have likely succeeded and RK would have died; and that because of her choice to take actions to save his life, she indirectly condemned Arman. But dude, it just ain't that simple. Firstly, if Thony did nothing and then RK miraculously somehow survived anyway, he would definitely have her killed for not trying to save him. And though she knows that saving him means he remains a threat to Arman, he won’t be able to come after Arman immediately, meaning there’s time for her and Arman to figure out a way to get him to safety, like asking Garrett to get him put in WitSec. And maybe she’s hoping that by saving his life, RK will feel indebted to her, and will give her whatever she wants in return– which, of course, would be him sparing Arman.

But anyway, back to complaining lol. She tells the paramedics that RK is bradycardic, which literally just means that his heart is beating slowly, but she could have only known that by having felt his pulse– and if someone has a pulse, then they are not in cardiac arrest, and they don’t need CPR lol. And her telling the medics that they need an EKG makes me feel so much secondhand embarrassment, bc like dude. They know. This is literally something they deal with almost daily in their job. But then lolllll they don’t even take his shirt off and they put on like 2 leads instead of 10 and no one asks for or gives any history of what happened or any details about RK, and someone is giving him oxygen without even holding the mask to his face (meaning the O2 is all just leaking out around the mask rather than going into his lungs) . And then Thony recognises from the EKG that he might be hyperkalaemic (have a dangerously high potassium level, which to be fair does happen with Dig toxicity) and tells them to treat it by giving dextrose– except she doesn’t mention insulin which is the other very essential part of that treatment (as in, the dextrose is useless without it), and she also mentions calcium gluconate which should actually be calcium chloride which is more appropriate in cardiac arrest. Plus these are treatments which generally happen in the emergency room, not with paramedics. Also she says that the EKG shows peaked T waves and widened QRS’s, but the actual rhythm visible on the screen (while definitely slow) actually shows normal T’s and QRS’s. And also she stops CPR because they apparently ‘got a rhythm’, and gives instructions to not shock him ‘if his heart stops again’ (which, again, is bullshit) but then she tells the medic to carry on CPR??? Girl you have literally just proved he’s not in arrest???????????? This is honestly so painful haha. And omg the way the medic acts like such a robot in following her orders, like he would have had no idea what to do otherwise? Gah. Honestly even as a doctor with emergency training I would not be giving the paramedics orders??? I would be discussing my concerns with them but I would be trusting them to do their jobs??? They literally have protocols upon protocols for this shit man. But ugh. Anyway. Nadia congratulating Thony on just killing Arman was kinda funny bc she’s clearly forgetting that now she is in danger too as his accomplice– so technically, Thony may have just gotten both of them killed. Well, they got themselves into that situation so we can’t really blame Thony tbh lol. But aaaanyway I apologise for all of that, but I guess I just have a lot of Opinions haha? (/EndRant)

Sigh it’s a relief to see Luca looking better. And I appreciate that Fi actually checks in with Thony about how she’s doing; I feel like her own wellbeing gets overlooked a lot, except (for the most part at least) by Arman. And ugh she admits to Fi about having to make a difficult choice today which may have endangered Arman, and you can see how much it weighs on her. Fi immediately reassures her about Arman seeming to be able to take care of himself, which is a very valid point tbh. He’s a grown man who has lived in a very dangerous world for the last two decades; he’s no stranger to his life being at risk. Still, I think Thony would have trouble accepting that argument bc as we have already seen over the past 2 seasons, she’s very protective of Arman and worries about him at the best of times, let alone when his life is being threatened by someone like RK. She breaks it down so clearly though when she says that the decision today involved her being asked to choose Arman over Luca– because for her the situation was that simple. Letting Arman kill Kamdar to protect himself would risk losing access to Luca’s meds, which Luca would almost certainly die without; and so of course she had to choose her son– who has been her entire world for over six years– over a man who she loves, but who has only been in her life for literally about 4 months, and she honestly doesn’t even know if he will choose to stay in her life. To be totally honest, I think that just the simple fact that the decision was genuinely difficult for her to make– not in terms of knowing her choice, but in terms of acting on it, knowing the potential consequences it would have for Arman– is incredible, and shows just how deeply she cares for Arman. But lbr I’d be very concerned about any parent who did put their romantic kind-of-partner above the life of their child– like if Fi or JD had to choose between saving each other or saving Jazz, both of them would pick Jazz without hesitation, because they’re her parents. It kind of comes with the territory???

Anyway speaking of JD, he appears and is not at all happy about being manhandled by Mr Big, Bald, and Brawny. Tbh though I kind of love this bodyguard guy? Like every time he speaks you just know that there are no thoughts going on in that big bald head. He’s clearly a former boxer based on his cauliflower ears, and tbh it looks like he got just a few too many concussions lol. Honestly I would love for him to start feeling a sense of respect and regard towards Thony somehow (like maybe she helps him with a medical issue or something) and he becomes like a big ol’ loyal dog following her around haha. But anyway ooooh I kind of like that JD calls Thony out on things? I think having someone force her to look at herself and her actions is important to make sure she doesn’t disappear too far down the rabbit hole. Though it does kinda suck that he’s (very fairly) forcing Fi to be torn between Thony and the kids… but I mean, like I literally just said, she’s going to have to choose the kids, just like Thony would. But ugh when she tells Thony about the ultimatum he gave her… Thony looks so sad, because though she knows what the right choice is and will support Fi in making it, she knows it means that she will lose her entire family and be alone with just Luca once again. Tbh I’m just the tiniest bit happy that she is the one on the receiving end of this decision this time, because it might give her a sense of how it felt for Arman, and might make her be more open with him about why she did what she did and how much she wished she hadn’t had to make that decision. Ngl I have already drafted a fic where Arman turns up at her house after the events of the ep and they actually finally talk it all out and maybe also make out lol

“I’ve never had an issue with my heart” Hmmmmm are you sure you even have one, Robert?? Lol. But seriously though, one of the pills in his drawer was a ‘blood thinner’ and so that literally means that he has to have something wrong with his heart– or if not that, then a problem with blood clots, and those can obviously also lead to cardiac arrest as well anyway. So really this heart attack shouldn’t have been that much of a shock. “They checked your blood for toxins” lol like what? What funky tests are these guys running? Though to be fair, if they do take his request to test for ‘everything’ seriously, then Nadia is in deep shit because our genius boy Arman picked one of the few meds that we actually have a blood test for. And which can also cause a very distinctive waveform pattern on the EKG as well. Like siiiighhhhh have I mentioned yet how stupid this plan was???

Anyway oh mannnnn I cannot say how much I enjoyed this ep (even despite the medical ridiculousness) because holy shit literally every interaction between the characters was so good and all of them took actions that were so completely in character and ugh I am just so excited to see what happens tomorrow aaaaaahhhh

#The Cleaning Lady #Armony #TCL recaps #TOMORROWWWWWWWWW #*pterodactyl screeches into eternity*

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bubbyleh · 4 years

Text

A Series of Shockingly Close Calls (ch.1)

oh no I fan fic’d a fan fic. I got thinking about soft monster au Boomer moments and it made my brain go bbbbrrrrr so then this happened. I’m woozy as hell because nobody told me that the antacids they were putting me on would make me not able to absorb my thyroid meds so I’m both very hypo, very potsy (cus hypo makes my p.o.t.s. worse) and in withdrawal so there’s no blood in my brain and I’m wacked out which makes me get suuuuuper purple with my prose so sorry for all the “forthright"s and "moreovers”. I’m just a little creature I cannot help this. Written in one sitting and probably a lot of typos and I’m sorry if I accidenally used ‘he’ for bubs in there somewhere I was having trouble with that. Once again, I’m p deep in withdrawal rn so bear with me. Anyway let me know if this is acceptable to put on ao3 as a gift fic to your fic. (yes I do plan on their being more than one chapter. no I make no promises due to aforementioned medical issues)

crocs here! sorry to put this in the middle of your submission, but i thought it’d get lost at the end. this is amazing! fanfic of a fanfic? i love this so much and i’m going to cherish it forever, thank you!

you can post this to ao3, i would be so happy if you did! i hope you feel better soon, i know health problems can be sucks. and don’t worry if you called bubby “he”, i write them using he/they pronouns (i just default to “they” for simplicity).

also, i hope you don’t mind that i put a read more in! ________

Three months.

Three months into Harold Coomer’s acquaintanceship with his eccentric and eclectic(in both taste and physical composition) companion was the first time the homunculus had begun to feel, as they’d put it, ‘drained’.

Bubby had explained to an enraptured Coomer,on more than one occasion, the nature of their state of reanimation, far different from Coomer’s own. They were a man-made construct of flesh, artfully pieced together from pieces of different corpses, stitched into a singular being and imbued with life by the great and terrible force of the heavens, in the form of lightning.

Coomer said it reminded him of Prometheus, sculpting mankind from clay.

Bubby said it reminded them of a penny dreadful.

They existed in a state between life and death, though not quite undeath, either. Certainly each composite part of them, corpses as they had been, could be considered undead, but Bubby themself was a new creation that came into life for the first time upon the metal slab of their creators laboratory, never having ‘died’ and therefore not being themselves brought back from the dead, but nevertheless composed of reanimated parts.

They were sustained not by blood coursing through veins, but rather electricity, which was honestly a boon for Coomer. He was still fairly young, by vampire standards, anyway, and his self control could be…spotty at times, and it was nice to have a companion that he could sit beside and feel no desire to tear their throat out and drain them of their life juices. They could subsist without food or drink if they needed to, as well, which was also helpful, as it was often not possible for either of them to venture into civilization to obtain rations of any kind.

However, there were downsides to Bubby’s condition, as well, which began to make themselves apparent those three months in.

Bubby’s escape from the lab of their creation was as unplanned as it was unorthodox. The whole thing had apparently been pure chaos from beginning to end, and Bubby didn’t seem to enjoy talking about it very much. Certainly an angry mob was involved, at least some pitchforks and torches, and a massive inferno of less than fully explained origin(‘Fire good,’ Bubby had said with a shrug), the last of which providing a convenient distraction for Bubby to make their escape into the nearby woods, but they hadn’t exactly had ample time to plan or provision their flight. They couldn’t take any of the tools or resources their creator had with them when they fled. They had no idea what they would need, nor any idea of what to expect when they were away from that lab for any extended period of time

Three months after their escape, it began to become apparent.

Coomer noticed long before Bubby said anything, and, in fact, had to more or less force a confession out of them about it.

Bubby just began to…slow, the way one does when they’ve gone too long without proper sleep. They began to stumble more often, to take longer to think of words, and such. The difference was very slight, only so drastic as someone who had woken up an hour or so before they’d have liked to that morning, and generally only became noticeable when Bubby was themself tired, but sleep never seemed to completely chase away that fatigue and Coomer worried.

He especially worried when Bubby practically panicked at Coomer’s slight inquiry into the subject, insisting far too forcefully that nothing was wrong and changing the subject. Coomer was eventually able to wrestle(both metaphorically and literally) an answer from them.

Energy of any kind, is finite, and that included the energy that maintained Bubby’s state of ‘half life’. Without supplementing it, it would eventually run out. Bubby’s creator had a huge contraption of wire and steel that Bubby would be attached to via the bolts on their neck. When lightning struck the lightning rod atop the laboratory roof, it would travel down those wires into the bolts and, by extension, Bubby, ‘recharging’ them, as Bubby put it.

“Why on Earth didn’t you tell me?” Coomer demanded.

“Because I didn’t…Because it’s none of your business!” Bubby snapped. “I don’t go snooping into how you get your ‘fix’! When you disappear into a town for the night, I don’t pry into your sudden improvement in pallor. I don’t ask you about the screams!”

Coomer flinched. It was a low blow and he was immediately inclined to take the bait, but the look in their eyes gave him pause. It was a fearful glint like a trapped animal, lashing out in fear, not anger.

He huffed out a small, unnecessary breath and crossed his arms.

“What is this really about?” he asked, voice calm, but stern. “Why didn’t you…,” his voice wavered, ever so slightly, “Why didn’t you trust me?”

The anger in Bubby’s face drained in an instant, falling instead into a look of pain and remorse.

“No, it’s not like that!” they insisted. “I just…I didn’t…I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t…I didn’t want you to…”

“To what?”

Bubby sighed, deflating. They averted their eyes, not meeting Coomer’s gaze.

“I didn’t want you to leave me behind,” they admitted at last, voice barely above a whisper. “There’s never been anything else like me before. I don’t know exactly how I work or how to keep myself working. I was afraid if you realized that, if you thought I couldn’t take care of myself, you’d…decide I was too much trouble.”

Coomer burst out laughing.

Any meekness to Bubby’s expression vanished in an instant and their bolts sparked with indignation.

“Why is it every time I bare my soul to you you laugh?!” they spat.

Coomer wiped a tear from his eye.

“Forgive me, Bubby,” he said. “It just strikes me as so completely preposterous I can’t help but laugh!”

“That I don’t even know how I can exist?” Bubby snarled. “That I don’t have any idea how this…hodge podge of flesh I call a body can even hold itself together? That I could just stop working one day and have no idea why? You find that ‘preposterous’?” they again cast their eyes to the ground, a mixture of shame and rage on their face.

Coomer’s expression softened and he stepped towards Bubby to lay a hand gently on their cheek and guide their face up to meet his gaze.

“That you could think there was anything that would make me want to not be with you,” he said.

Bubby’s eyes went wide and his bolts sparked again, but with a softer sort of ‘hum’ of energy, rather than the earlier harsh zapping.

“You are one of a kind, Bubby,” he went on. “I’ve never even heard of something like you. I didn’t think something like you could even exist. It’s fascinating! You’re fascinating.”

Bubby’s mouth opened and closed like they wanted to speak, but couldn’t find any words.

“It’s easy, as an immortal, even one so relatively young as myself, to feel as though the world begins to stagnate.” Coomer continued. “That someday one will reach the point at which existence can yield nothing else but that with which one is already too well acquainted. But you…You’re something entirely new. Something unprecedented. There’s so much to learn from you. About you. I want to… understand you.”

Coomer dropped his hand from Bubby’s face to their shoulder, this time being the one to avert his gaze.

“Moreover, I want to…I want to see you experience this world, as new to you as you are to it,” he said. Had he not been long dead, a flush would have probably risen to his cheek. “There’s so much you haven’t seen, haven’t done. I want you to see them, to do them. And moreso, I want to show them to you, give them to you. The way your eyes light up at things I’ve lived in fear someday would hold for me only monotony and makes me feel as though I could never again find them mundane…I want to see that. I want…I want to never stop seeing it.”

He braved a glance back up at Bubby, who was agape with shock.

“Nothing so trivial as a lack of energy could possibly deter me,” he said, voice resolute. “Even if I have to build a tower of steel and wire myself, there’s nothing that would make me leave you. For as long as…as long as you’ll have me.”

Bubby’s hand clasped onto Coomer’s still resting on their shoulder, holding on like they expected him to disappear if their grip wavered.

“Forever!” they said, instantly, then seemed to panic at their own forthrightness. “I mean, for as…for as long as you’ll have me.”

Their bolts were crackling with electricity now, sending off small, glowing motes and arcs of energy.

Coomer smiled and reached out with his other hand to touch Bubby’s cheek again.

Many years later, when Coomer would become fully educated on the idea of a ‘circuit’ and the ramifications of completing one by placing one’s hands on either side of what was essentially an openly sparking power source, the resulting occurrence would be an interesting and enlightening memory.

As it stood in the moment, the resulting electrocution simply caused him to be rendered briefly unconscious and his hair to not lie flat for a week.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #submission #hlvrai boomer #boomer #monster au #on a dark and dreary night #I ADORE THIS #YOU THOUGHT MORE ABOUT BUBBY'S ELECTRICITY THAN I HAVE

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mrsalenko · 3 years

Text

work was real busy overnight. silly events of rural hospital below. it’s just me and an rn overnight.

like first one was kinda stupid.

had too many wines at the club and husband was concerned for some reason so called ambulance so drunk woman got five hour sleep overnight in our ed for reasons i guess.

we didn’t even bother waking dr on phone because the patient flow lady -

(on weekends we work through a telephone service that connects us to drs on the phone, because all our drs don’t work weekends. which means we get orders on phone and no physical support or on site dr. even if someone comes in dead, your only options are to call for assistance from the ambulance service and pray)

- was like ‘yeah nah’ and we were like ‘yeah nah.’ she got babied a bit and given fluids. completely unecessary in a well woman in my opinion. the ambos in that town jump the gun so badly and treat such minor things like emergencies. plus this local ambo was real bitchy overnight, fighting with evening shift was what we started the night talking about. she was being inappropriate with patients and pain relief and the evening rn was annoyed and so was i when i listened to the story. then she came to us with bad attitude. i never liked her tho, so.

fran was like to her ‘oh don’t worry. i can cannulate her and do the fluids. you don’t need to.’

the woman didn’t even really need a cannula.

like the patient is in our ed now. fuck off and go away, your job is done. you’re the chauffeur in this case.

but she goes and cannulates her despite fran saying that, and said ‘oh hartmann’s would be good. i’ll hang fluids.’

and fran was like ‘ahh hartmann’s...’ like we were like no probably not. overkill. she’s just drunk. normal saline would be more than sufficient.

but she’s got the bag and fran is like ‘no no. sam can do that. sam can you hang the line and get it going at 100ml/hr?’

and i shrugged and was like ‘sure’ and did it. but i was like, ambos don’t understand we need a dr’s order for the hartmanns because it has extra stuff like electrolytes and glucose and it’s just not needed often for minor stuff

so fran just sighed and the ambos finally left. we just said in the notes the ambos did it to save dramas.

then as we just turfed her five hours later a really sick lady came in.

temp was 39.8 which is the most febrile i’ve personally seen someone and her potassium was low. i’ve seen this lady before and it’s like she doesn’t take her potassium meds or something because it’s always low. and she was quite irrationally angry at us for doing stuff to her? like i was doing the ecg and she was like ‘ow!’ when i barely touched her to feel her ribs and find the 4th intercostal space.

and i was like ‘uhhh? okay sorry honey but i’m just trying to feel. i guess i can try and estimate without touching too much.’ and she’s laying there moaning and i’m like ‘are you in pain?’ and she’s like ‘no.’ and i was like um okay. wiping vomit off her shirt and she says ‘ow’ and is like mad at me. okay.

then she’s like ‘i’m not going to canberra! i hate it there! we have the kids visiting!’

and i’m like ‘yeah but you’re quite unwell and the dr will want you to. and we have to do what we have to do, don’t we?’

and i felt like saying, but darling, do you want to die when your kids are down and really ruin your gathering? or do you want to go to canberra and live? i don’t think there’s a great ambiguity in choice here.

we treated her as septic because she was meeting criteria, low oxygen sats, lactate of 2.59 which is under the criteria but still raised, febrile as fuck. so his was at 6 and my shift finished at 7 but i left at 8:45 trying to help morning shift and fran.

we gave her chlorvescent tablets for potassium replacement, stat bag of fluids, they were mixing up antibiotics once we got help, we did bloods and cultures, i tested the blood for some results, gave oxygen although her sats didn’t seem to worry her and i’m not convinced they’re not normal for her. but anyway. and she was in the covid isolation room just in case, because we stick everyone with a fever in there.

her ecg was a mess apparently, i don’t know because i can’t effectively read them, but it did say some worrying things at the top, but she has a massive cardiac history so nothing terribly new i don’t think. plus her troponin was 0.44 when it’s supposed to be zero so i don’t know if the heart damage is new or chronic.

i’ve seen her so many times on night duty. it’s always that time in morning. if dr jenny was there it would have been easier but always on weekend of course these things happen. the patient throws the biggest stink about the potassium replacement drink and it always confuses me. hold your nose and throw it back or i guess risk dying??

my face is like ?? every time. it’s like we’re inconveniencing her trying to save her life lol.

i also felt bad because one of my mum!friends was on in morning and she was worked up and anxious so she came across as abrupt an accusatory as she tends to do. she was like ‘so and so was soaking wet!’

and i was like ?? ‘well she’s one of the few we had time to change twice so i don’t know why. i’m sorry the ambos came as we were just changing pads so we’re only changed two people. i can stay back and help you.’

and they were like ‘no no! you’ve done enough, no problem go home.’

and i was like well don’t make it sound like one of the few people we had time to do twice wasn’t done at all because she was.

the ambos came just as we gave the 0600 medication and started changing overnight pads. we had two people changed and 3 more to go. i can’t help it if emergencies take precedence in care from someone being a bit wet. still felt weirdly bad. it’s weird that even when someone comes to your ed really unwell we still have 12 permanent old people to worry about. number 6 was screaming all night (she’s fine, just behavioral and agitated) and the man in 8 yelled back at which a) he knows it doesn’t help b) knows it just adds to the noise c) she can’t hear him or take notice of him anyway d) refuses to have his door shut.

i can only do so much, mates.

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akegatacchi · 4 years

Text

Sense8 AU!aftg

In the honor of absolutlynothing I’ve decided to put out there one of the many au I have on my phone and archive it there

Big shout out to @a-m-peengoo and @bluesuederose for participating in this mess with genius lines and always be there to bear my 36 ideas per hour. We did a masterpiece girls.

Here we go it’s gonna be long

The cluster:

Kevin: Nomi. He’s just a fuckin hacker who’s running away from his family (riko). When he’s bored, he spends nights crashing the Pentagon system for fun, and makes every screen in the White House play Best Exy Actions Compilation (the longest and hardest part is choosing one compilation to play).

Dan: Will. One of them have to keep them under control. Plus, Dan with a gun i can’t even-

Matt: Riley. Soft, blue strand of hair, a heart of gold, maternal. As a DJ. Yes. SO SOFT (he still knows how to box)

Allison: Capheus. Listen. Imagine Allison in high heels, skin tight leather pants, driving a bus. Also, a F1 pilot champion who can drive anything (even if it’s the first time)

Andrew: Wolfgang. Duh. Do I need to explain myself. Just think abt him saying “This is Berlin. Those are my people. And we go to our knees for no one”.Boy he does NOT like this situation, at all. Will keep the others out with sheer willpower and no blockers. The cluster’s deadliest weapon. PLUS HELLO???? ANDREW IN A PASTEL PINK BOMBER SHOOTING ON A HELICOPTER WITH A BAZOOKA????

Aaron: Felix? Sorta? not a senseate but a great doctor. Senses bullshit and when someone is in Andrew’s body real quick (Andrew: says more than 2 sentences and is pleasant. Aaron:.....who’s that bitch where is my brother) . Later helps to manufacture blockers.

Neil: Kala. A pharmacist that uses his skill for arson and may or may not be running away from mafia/family matter and currently hiding in India. Him saying “Bring it, bitch” to Riko is my sexuality and Andrew’s. Can create explosives from a Fanta can and spices I mean it’s already canon in aftg. (plus andreil would work even better bc technically Neil can’t even touch Andrew for real)

Nicky: Lito. The drama, the sass. Also the scene where he discovers the Twinyard in Germany are his cousins would be hilarious. The scene where Lito seduces the nurse but with Nicky (“engaging into heterosexual activity? me????”) or the scene where Lito screams in the museum but with Nicky

Erik as Hernando. That’s it that’s the post.

Renee: Sun. I mean, a korean fighter lady in prison trying to be a better person and had a silent bffs relationship with a german gangster? Come on. Also. Allison in a bus and Renee doing art martials stuff.

Riko: whispers i guess he can eat Allison’s high heels

Now the ~scenes~ (it’s just shitposting):

Aaron, on the verge on several break downs: wait so you have like … DJ Blue Matt and F1 pilot Allison Reynolds in your head? since when? ANDREW SINCE WHE-

Neil: what’s a better use of a multiple thousands dollars education than precise arson?????

Aaron: why does your boyfriend always end up burning things up?

Andrew: he lits up my heart as well

Aaron: FOR FUCK SAKE

Kevin, shocked and betrayed: is there a better sport than exy?

Aaron and Allison: YEAH A REALLY GOOD CAR RACE

Allison: you’re - you’re like the spirit of Lucy Liu. In Charlie’s Angels. I watch it once a day. Renee:.....that’s sweet actually :)

Neil: does a molotov cocktail

Matt: I tHoUgHt yOu wErE a PhArMaCiSt

Neil: Yes? That’s PHYSICS

Matt: no that’s ARSON NEIL

Alternative:

Kevin: breaks into the Pentagon virtually

Neil: breaks into the Pentagon physically

Matt, again: i thought you were a PHARMACIST!!!! Neil: Yes I am??? That’s irrelevant

A senseate sibling, escaping, grabbing a vehicle at random: someone knows how to drive that?

Allison, in stilettos : no, but I sure will soon

Just Allison driving Renee around to fight people

Everytime someone mocks a senseate sibling Neil or Nicky shows up to roast them. Sometimes they do it both at the same time. It’s apocalyptic. The sass. The drama.

They can also bullshit their way out of any situation. Neil is such a smooth liar and Nicky is just ridiculous. The FBI agent charged to arrest them somehow ends up crying abt childhood trauma while hugging a teddy bear.

Neil, caught in the act of making a string of explosives by the FBI guy: uuuuuuh….Nicky?

Nicky, currently dealing with a white mom in retail: somehow convince the FBI to buy christmas lights

(Yes Nicky works in retail bc his family cut ties with him but he hopes to be an actor.ON BROADWAY)

(From retail to actor to cluster negotiator real quick)

A fuckin moron to Allison: a hottie like you driving a bus? what is this, hooker on wheels?

Neil: please let me have this one

Allison: seats back and enjoys Neil roasting him

Nicky: brings the popcorn

Nicky, to the FBI guy: You can’t arrest me Daryl I’m your long lost little brother

The FBI guy, a white man: My name is not Daryl Neil: THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE

The FBI guy, texting Neil (don’t ask): I guess I’m still in love with my ex

Nicky: aaaaaw we have to help this sweetheart

Neil: do you want me to burn his current boyfriend’s car, buddy?

(Nicky: DON’T REMIND HIM THAT HE’S SUPPOSED TO ARREST US)

A fuckin homophobe: ready to get your ass kicked, faggot?

Andrew: appears through Nicky

Nicky, smiling: fuck yeah, baby

Andrew, between two bazooka shot, to Neil: we’re nothing

Nicky, through Andrew, all cheery: Hi!!!! :D

(Aaron jumps like a scared cat)

Andrew: ready to kill ppl for mafia business

All the senseate siblings in the back minus Renee, eating popcorn and enjoying the show: Kick ass, Drew!

Andrew, on the hospital bed: has an emotional moment with Aaron

Aaron: sir or ma'am, idk who you are but it’s family only, I will ask you, as his doctor, to leave my brother’s body

Aaron: Andrew is2g if you’re making psychic love to that fuckin red hair rn i will-

Andrew each time a senseate is hurt: Aaron it’s for you

(Just Aaron doing med tutorials for a whole cluster while Andrew repeats it with a bored tone to everyone)

(Aaron, sighs: it is Neil again? Just let him bleed for a few minutes)

Neil, making bomb with kitchen stuff: If it means losing you then no

Andrew, falling in love: oh

Bad guy: You have no weapon, blondie!

Allison, with Renee and Dan behind her: Think again, sweetheart

They made a little “honorary cluster member” badge to Aaron (he does not cry STFU NEIL)

Dan and Neil both knows by heart the laws of different countries…..for very different reasons.

Luther: humiliates Nicky once again

Renee: calmly breaks his hand at dinner while smiling like an angel, all the while stopping Andrew from killing him with the other hand

Neil, a pharmacist: blowing shit up and arson

Aaron, a doctor, watching him: yk what hold my beer I know several ways to stop a man’s heart

The whole “You don’t know how to use a gun” “No, but you do” with andreil or matt and dan

Just Drew and Renee kicking some mafia asses together as buddies

(While Neil blows some shit up in the background and Allison/Nicky cheer)

Matt has the perfect ear too

Him and Kevin are the remote operation/communication team but one day all the fighters/criminals of the cluster are busy so they both start to fight as well and fuck they are good at it

Nicky: I expected this from Biceps Matt but Kevin??? You can land a kick like that???

Kevin, outraged: I WENT TO THE EXY OLYMPICS WHEN I WAS 16

Speaking of Kevin, they all call him “nerd” or “einstein”

Allison: so the nerd can fight uh

Aaron, counting down on his fingers: so you have F1 Pilot Superstar Allison Reynolds, former gold medalist and tech genius Kevin Day, a human diapason, a multilingual arsonist, World no.1 Taekwondo Champion Renee Walker, a cop, an actor…..what are you there for??

Andrew, literally a mafia king:....ice cream and crime?

Neil to Andrew, after the whole debacle with his father is out: You did know there were mafia out of Germany too, right?

Andrew: I can’t even have that for myself fuck this family

Dan, every time before each “mission”: okay guys I know we need to do it but I’d like to remind ALL of you *looks pointly at Neil and Andrew* it’s STILL illegal and morally dubious

Neil: …….like I said to Nicky, irrelevant *without missing a beat blows up the entire building and puts on stolen Gucci shades*

Alternative:

Neil: ok saint theresa why were you the one to suggest we explode Riko’s brain off then

Dan: ...don’t turn the conversation around me it’s about you

Allison “guess we’re detourning a place next” Reynolds and Kevin “It’s not that hard to pilot” Day

(Kevin: But why are you on a plane to Russia? I thought you were in India last time?

Neil:....don’t ask)

Aaron to Andrew, where they are trapped and betrayed: your boyfriend wouldn’t happen to know how to poison a whole room with gaz?

Neil: I was born for this moment

(Andrew: just bc you’re my brother doesn’t mean you have the right to dirty talk my boyfriend)

Andrew: be gay, do crime and eat ice cream

Nicky: AND BLOW NEIL’S D-

(before they know abt Neil’s past, when Andrew is angsty bc he caught feelings)

Andrew: You shouldn’t get close to me, it’s dangerous, i’m mafia

Neil: oh haven’t you heard-

Jeremy, bouncing out of nowhere: Hey Kev ! Love how you BI-nary code ahah have you heard of the ARCHIPELAGO

Neil, sipping tea: so my father is the Butcher

Matt: okokokok coolcoolcoolcool yk what arson doesn’t sound like a bad idea after all

(this one is not funny sorry) but Neil taking over each time someone is hurt bc he is used to deal with it

“Give the pain to me”

Andrew and Aaron like to fuck around a lot with the whole sensate stuff (since only one of them is a sensate)

Bad guy: only one of you is a sensate, which one is it?

Twinyard, in a perfect and flat tone: try to guess

A bad guy is spying on Andrew and waiting to kill him in Germany, via a cam, thinking he’s safe BUT SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER it was aaron dressed as Andrew in a mafia meeting and now you have to deal with a 5 feet tall mafia boy

For real tho they are a little protective of the normal doctor who heal them every time (yes even Neil but don’t tell him) so you bet something like that happens one day:

Aaron: comes home from work angry

Andrew, cleaning up blood or counting money: whassup shithead?

Aaron: There’s this older doctor he’s great and all but he’s a fuckin asshole to me he belittles me everyday bc i’m young and we lost a patient today bc he rathers humiliate me than let me save him

Andrew, a dangerous glint in his eyes and a whole cluster behind him: oh?

Kevin, opens his computer and digs up dirt on him: give me a sec

Allison: I can roll over him with my truck

Neil: there is so many ways to mix two meds and kills him ON ACCIDENT

Dan: let’s see how he deals in prison

Nicky: oh this is going to be fun

Kevin, reciting facts like he’s reading a grocery list: so yeah he smuggles meds from the hospital so local drug dealers, illegally sells meds for himself on the black market, does tax evasion, is friend with a local senator and both of them are involved with minors….i have already several reservation at X hotel btw and cases of work harassment on nurses and interns, threats to others older doctors in serve, and OH. OH. We have a spanking kink on our hands too.

Every members of the cluster, turning to Nicky and Neil:....go wild

Nicky, giggling: not that’s it’s a shame when it’s consensual but not here so - let’s start with the spanking :D

Neil: Can I make him cry

No violence is used but the doctor is found on the floor drowning in his own tears after a few minutes and after an hour he’s resigned and leaving the country

Andrew was dressed as Aaron for that (that being: smuggling Neil and Nicky into the hospital to meet the doctor through him) and sends him a selfie of a 5 feet surgeon and the man crying on the floor

It’s their best memory as a family (Aaron hates Neil a little less after that)

Neil to Nicky: why did you stop me from pushing towards suicide??? He’s gonna do that in another country

(Kevin: no if I can help it)

Nicky: bc we don’t do that to people!

Neil, Andrew, Aaron, Allison:...........right

Neil: killing even indirectly is no good but destroying their life and humiliating them publically is good?

Nicky: YES!

Matt and Dan: WAIT NO

(Allison: don’t brother Neil you’ll just hurt your head)

(Neil, close to tears: but...but...but arson?? Andrew, with knives out: alright fuckers who broke his heart?)

Matt and Dan bc they’re fuckin weak to Neil: ITS OK BUDDY ARSON IS GOOD

I have to end on this note:

Storyline wise, Neil would have make the perfect Wolfgang too….if Wolfgang was a twink.

#aftg #the foxhole court #tfc #andreil #hc #hcs #headcanon #headcanons #sense8 au #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #dan wilds #matt boyd #reene walker #allison reynolds #kevin day #nicky hemmick #all for the game

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twopoppies · 3 years

Note

Hi there! I feel like I can’t talk with my mother so I’m talking to you, my tumblr’s mother😅 hahahah Lately my anxiety has been like crazy and I have like a huge fear of dying and I sometimes don’t know how to control it and I’ve thought that nothing triggers me until today but health problems are a huge trigger rn... I’ve read a post in insta about a young girl with a strange illness and some of the symptoms are symptoms that I have and that her birthday is close to mine, but doctors have told me that it’s due to anxiety or irritable bowel syndrome or tendonitis and even they have told me that it’s my mind and my therapist say the same but now I’m in a huge loop thinking I have the same and I’m not going to enjoy my life and I’m going to die young and it’s making me nauseous... I’m asking online oracles and online tarots questions because I need to know that everything is going to be fine and they fucking contradict and are they fiable? And I looking for signals but when I get the signals I don’t trust on them and keep asking for more or I just don’t understand... And it’s a huge mess and I’m so scared of dying and losing my life because I had suicidal thoughts long time ago and now that I want to live, I’m so afraid of dying and not achieving my dreams... And talking with my mother is worse because she says “just don’t think” Thanks mom, I’ve been trying that but it’s not working and I just need to tell this to someone who doesn’t know me because it’s easier. I know this is too much for you but it makes me feel better “saying out loud”... I’m so afraid rn of having a terminal or dying illness even if doctors have told me I’m fine but my mind it’s tell me other wise and I have so many symptoms on my body like “hip pain and pelvic pain” that I can’t believe are for anxiety or bowel syndrome... I sound so fucking crazy rn and I’m a huge mess... And I feel like crying but I fucking can’t because I can’t control my fucking emotions and I’m so tired of all of this Gina... so tired🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. That really sounds incredibly exhausting. I’m going to put the rest under the cut because I doubt most people want to read my answer

So, first of all, I’m glad you felt you could come to me. Second, I’m really glad to hear you have a therapist. I see that you said your doctor said you have anxiety. Did they do anything besides tell you that you’re anxious? Have they prescribed any medication? Suggested behavior modifications? Knowing you’re anxious and knowing how to deal with it are two different things.

My first thought is to check with the professionals in your life (GP, therapist etc) and ask if medication would be helpful, or if you’re already on meds, do yours need to be tweaked. Second, please stop Googling symptoms. It’s only going to make your anxiety worse, it’s never going to make you feel better, and all you’re going to end up with is 20 articles about how what you have is cancer or some incurable, rare disease. None of which is likely true. Stop Googling.

Third, looking for signs and asking the Tarot etc. is really only going to help you when your mind is calm and clear. You’re in such an agitated state that I can’t imagine you’re getting any sort of clear guidance. Plus, asking over and over again isn’t making that any better.

It sounds like you’ve seen a number of doctors who are telling you you’re healthy, but you’re second guessing all of them. I think it’s really important to get your anxiety (and possibly resulting depression) under control because it’s not letting your think clearly about anything. Stress can cause all sorts of symptoms, but that doesn’t mean you should just be ignored. One of these doctors needs to focus on your stress and anxiety. Hypochondria is a real thing and the constant stress that comes with it can actually make you physically ill.

Once you have your anxiety at a level where you can better function, then you will probably want to work on your health concerns with your therapist and start to understand where it comes from. Your instinct to verbalize your concerns is a good one. Doing that helps reduce the stress. You want to find someone (your therapist most likely) that you can talk about it with who isn’t going to indulge your fears, but will help you focus in a logical way.

All of this is just to say, I think you’re going to be just fine. Let your doctors help you, stop Googling, and get some tools to help ground you when you’re feeling super anxious. Sending you lots of love.

#anxiety #depression #Anonymous

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slntthrpy · 3 years

Text

The start of nothing.

I’m started this because i want to write, and its something i would write on Twitter but its too dangerous do it on there because people will start to message or comment. As if their comments arent bullshit. I wrote something along the lines that I am in the worse battle with my myself. And someone wrote, “don’t be too hard on yourself, take it day by day” like come on. That’s so much bullshit. Those words mean nothing to me they actually make me annoyed. This is why i don’t like to talk to people because i always hate what they say back to me. This is why I’m starting this. Because i was to spill my emotions and my thoughts without stupid ass comments. No one on earth understands me. No one not even myself tbh. But today i realized something. I realized that I am in the worse battle, with myself and i have been for so many years. Maybe my whole life i don’t even know. I always remember being unhappy and i just have happy moments. It’s literally me against me.

Do i need medicine

Ew i don’t want that. But also ew at myself bc I’m tired of feeling like this. So ew at myself too

Will i only be able to be ok with meds

What kind of life is that

So does that mean I’m not normal. It’s past 1am and i should be talking to him but I’m so miserable rn

I don’t feel like pretending to be happy

When i just want to be gone

Vanished

Like just simply not exist

But i have to pretend to be normal, for him

Yup, always pleasing people. Always doin shit for people

I am not a happy people pleaser

I want to be pleased but hell no not in this life. Ha that’s funny

I cant even have my own fucking left overs bc someone has to eat off my plate, never fucking questioned who’s food it was or why its warm and just sitting there at the table. No- like a animal he just eats my fucking food. This shit enraged me so much

With two other people at the table who saw me eating it never thought it would be a good idea to mention shit to him. Literally just laugh as me and tell me I’m out of dinner. No one does shit for me. And yet i cant even eat the food what i chose at a restaurant that a random ass person made for me. Bc lord knows food is never made for me. Nothing ever

I am a server, a fucking care taker

And I’m nothing

I can honestly say that i was happier when i was married. I promise to god i was. And i know as I’m typing this god is looking at me and just rolling his eyes. Like i tweeted one time. “when you think you have it hard and it just get harder” I mean this. When you think you have a bad or unhappy life aka my marriage so you leave and start a new life but that new life turns out worse.

You’re everyone bitch.

You have no money

No job

No independence

Sole care taker of my child and two other children who aren’t mine.

You’re are pregnant

PREGNANT

Yes

I’m the ultimate idiot

And i feel so bad for Lila and the baby

They have a mother like me. I’m sorry

You didn’t choose to live and i didn’t know what i was getting myself into.

I don’t have the guts to abort or put up for adoption

But i am just not qualified for this. I’m not ok to do this right now and maybe i never would be.

When it be ok to just be gone from this earth

Like honestly

I want to ball up and do nothing but i cant.

I have to take care of a baby and i really don’t want to . She tossing in her crib and I want to walk away

The worse part of being depressed or whatever you call this, this activated postpartum depression, one of the things that kills me is taking care of my baby. It’s hard for me, it’s tough as hell. And i don’t get help from the dad. I live with him and we are together but he does nothing. His life is absolutely the same with or without her........there is 1 couple, two parents but only one parent takes care of the baby. If it was two parents and we were not together, my life without a doubt would be easier. working isn’t hard for me. Paying my own rents paying my own bills isn’t hard for me. Parenting all by self is hard for me. So if her dads take her 50 % of the time and help me pay day care and her stuff. That to me sounds like the life! Why bc

I have to take care of myself, i go to work

Raise my kids half of the time and her dad raises her half of the time

I take care of me and her.

Not another man, his kids and then myself which i don’t take care of myself tbh

See how being with a man well this man is more work for me

More misery for me

His life is coo as fuck

If i leave, he has to find some to babysit his kids. All 3 of them. HAHA plus still pay for everything he is still currently paying for like rents, bills. Literally nothing of that changes. He literally gets more responsibility that’s all. So why is it that he doesn’t feel like he’s responsible for his kids now

Bc he fucking comfortable

He mom and sister are worried bc he’s gaining weight and say he might be depressed and say he needs a hobby. I could cry bc that’s so funny. His hobby needs to be to take care of his fucking kids!

I’m slowly dying and he’s living life.

Like a painful death.

You would think having kids would stop you from wanting to kill yourself. He even told me that when i had just gave birth. Why would you want to be away from that.

Sorry but my thoughts haven’t changed. I still want to kill myself. Escape this shit

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detectivesofty · 3 years

Text

Welcome welcome to my live commentary of the second episodes of One Chicago!

Chicago Fire

Oh dang we’re starting off HOT as hell (hot as in the storyline immediately picks up after the cliffhanger)

Mackey is NOT having a good start in her new job man

Fuuuuckkkk

Casey is so worried man

Omg (I don’t ship Brettsey)

Gianna is so confused😂😂😂

Oh he dead man

Oh he’s alive (probably not for long tho)

What an asshole

I can’t look this is kinda gross

Okay changed my mind it’s super gross

Fuck he lives??? Okay then

Uhhhh what is going on with ambo 61. I sure hope they will have shay’s name on the new one too

They’re definitely not okay

Lmao Joe is such a big brother

“I BET YOU DID”

This is... awkward

Ugh stop

Lmao no

I don’t ship brettsey and it’s very obvious

Ritter and Gallo are so funny

Oh dang Kelly is feisty today

Pls no

This is so weird

Lmao thank you mouch

If Kelly is looking for the ambo bc of Shay I will literally cry (also I called it)

Oh damn Gianna is fit

Omg already????

This is so sad

Who’s dax

Omg

Oh fuck man

Stella chill man, the girl has other problems rn

I like Kelly in that hoodie

It’s still so surreal to see them wear masks

Matt is so weird

No surprise here

OMG KELLY DID GO BACK TO GET SHAY’S DOOR

I’m crying

I didn’t expect them to still think of Shay after all this time

Oh my god...

Oh my GOD

Ritter is so cute

This is weird

Ewwww

Skipping that

Say yes bitch (he’ll say no)

Sorry but I still ship Dawsey

Omg that man is loyal

Sorry Brett

Gabby pls come back

I really really like that they don’t just forget the characters that left LIKE OTHER SHOWS

Okkk Chicago Med here I come!

I’m still hoping for manstead lmao I’m a sucker

Oofff bed bugs

Club Med

Aw Will :(

Why did Maggie get Will’s hopes up

Fuck Choi

He tested positive????

Why does everyone HAVE BANGS

Aw no :(

Oh man I can’t watch this

Fuck Ethan

Oh dang why is she so fucking rude to nat

Sam!

I need Will and Jay back together

Ethan is such a dick man

🙄🙄

I want Will to be right and Ethan to be wrong

So much hate for so many characters 🥲

Crockett man

Btw does anyone know what happened to April’s brother?

Ughhhhhh Crockett is so annoying

Nice of you to rub it in maggie

Doris man fuck off

Dude how many wives did Charles have

April is taking advantage of Choi and it’s so obvious

Oh dang I like the new obgyn

But why is she preggo

Doris is so annoying

Omg fuck Ethan man

I like anna

Oh mannnnn

It’s so funny that the US have tiny water bottles

April man stop

This zoom call is so funny

Stoppppp Ethan

How many kids does Charles have

This cop is such a dick

Omgggggg

What did you DO NATALIE

This is so sad

Bruh are you kidding

They’re both gonna die man

Aw oh no

:(((((

Do we know if Sharon has to be over zoom? Like is the actress at risk or is it just because of fun

Oh no

Bc of Hannah man

Fuck Hannah

Aw poor will

Is he... gonna LEAVE

Ari fricking ZONA I CANT

JANUARY 6????????

What the FUCK

okokokok CHICAGO PD

Lmao Kevin’s brother is back???

It’s six and he has to WORK SOON

Bruh???

Poor kev

Where’s Jay????

Omg

Adam and Kim🥰🥰

Lmao trudy

What was the point of the stain on her blouse???

Lmaoooo

Why do I think that they’re going to pair hank with Miller (romantically)

Seven minutes in and there’s still no Jay 🥲

Where’s Jay 😓

Everyone on the team has made an appearance except of Jay

Jay!!!

He looks so good

Oof

Oh damn jay’s voice is soo deep??

Oooof that’s rough

I miss Jay

So much Kim and Jay interaction (I don’t ship them I just think they should interact more)

I love jay

This episode kinda sets me off, the kid is so jittery and ugh idk

That shirt is way too big on Jay

Still no mention of Vanessa

That room is definitely new

Oh my goddddd

Lmaoooo Adam

It’s so weird that they’re going off in threes and Kim’s basically alone

Oof

Omg

Omg fuck man

What a big fucking bruise

Oh man this is not gonna end well

Oh man poor Adam

Ruz

It’s his new nickname now

I like it

Yes

My mans jay

Where’s the masks tho

Adam is in so much pain 🥲

Oh no

Oh god no

Fuck this dude

I really hope that Miller is a good person

What

No KEVIN

oh damn

Go OFF KEVIN

WOW

#lisi watches one chicago #chicago pd #chicago med #chicago Fire #one Chicago spoilers #Chicago pd spoilers #Chicago med spoilers #Chicago fire spoilers

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witchywrter · 5 years

Text

“Home” (Part 4/?)

Paul Lahote X Reader

Part 3

Summary: y/n returns from college in California to her hometown in Forks to find things are not as she left them. She soon discovers that a lot more things have changed then she initially thought.

Warnings: grief, bad parenting, mentions of death, blood? I think that’s it

A/N: so, I know y’all probably hate me rn, but listen. I was really not writing anything and was just never in the mood, but I am now so expect some updates+new stuff

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You originally planned to stay and help Emily with breakfast but found your feet taking you to the door.

“I’m gonna head out, I’ll be back for dinner.”

“Stay safe, remember no woods” Emily called out.

You nodded and walked out the door. There was no way you were gonna listen to that. You were naturally just a curious person. Lucky for Emily though, you were just going to see your Mom.

You headed up the road about a mile and took a left at the main road to Billy’s house.

Billy’s house was always a safe haven for you as a teenager. Whether you were fighting with your mom or just couldn’t deal with your grief, you always felt welcome. Ever since your dad passed away, Billy had stepped up and been the paternal figure in your life. Your mom was never the same. She was as uncaring and numb as a perfect porcelain doll. You didn’t really want to go see her, but you knew she’d throw a fit if you didn’t.

You finally saw the red house off to the right and ran the rest of the short distance. The door was unlocked. You always told Billy and Jake to stop that.

“Y/n?” Billy immediately saw you from the living room.

“Hey Billy” you hugged him.

You loved your dad dearly and would never forget him, but Billy was like another father to you. He’d practically helped raise you with how much time you spent over here.

“Need your wheels back?” he asked.

“You know it. Same place?”

“You know it” he chuckled.

You opened the coffee drawer to find your keys. Jake hated coffee so Billy’s genius idea was to hide them in that drawer to keep Jake from experimenting on the car. Safe to say he found them before you left for college.

“Love you Billy, I’ll be back soon to visit.”

“Off to see mommy dearest?” He asked.

“Could you tell from my excitement?” you asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Tell her I said hello,” Billy said “and stay safe too.”

“Will do.”

You headed out to the makeshift garage that hid your prized possession. Your dad was a bit of a mechanic himself, he got Jacob into it. His life’s work was his red 1967 Shelby Mustang. When he died, he left it to you in his will.

You uncovered the protective sheet which suspiciously lacked any dust. You hopped into the drivers seat and started the engine. The car purred to life. The engine sounded much better than when you last heard it. So Jacob had gotten to it. You drove up the street, passed Emily and Sam’s house.

Your mom moved from the res when she married her second husband. You never liked him. He was narcissistic and arrogant. Now she’s with Connor, the real-estate agent. You only met him at their wedding last year, but you immediately disliked him when he called himself your new dad.

She lived deeper in town, near the high school. Her house was a light blue color with a white picket fence. Her grass and bushes were perfectly trimmed with flowers surrounding them in an organized manner. A bit out of place in Washington in your opinion. Her house elegant and gorgeous in all sense of the word, but lacked life. Much different from Emily’s home which had a natural warmth and beauty without even trying. Your mother home felt cold, unfeeling.

You parked and mentally prepared yourself to deal with your loving mother.

The walk up to the front door was filled with immense dread. You lifted the brass lion and knocked on the door.

A minute went by with no answer. The thought of just turning around and booking it was becoming even more appealing.

The door swung open to reveal your mother with a delicate smile gracing her flawless face. She had her hair done up making her look like a 50’s housewife. Her makeup was applied with care and precision and around her neck she wore an apron.

Once her eyes landed on you, her smile turned much less enthusiastic.

“Dear, you’re home” she said in her sweet, sing song voice.

“Yeah. Just got in yesterday” you said.

She stepped aside and gestured for you to come in. The house smelled strongly of vanilla and honey. Too strong, it was overwhelming your senses. You made a mental note to meet her for lunch next time instead of going to her house. You headed over to the kitchen table and sat down.

“So how’s junior year treating you?” she asked in fake interest.

“I graduated actually. I sent you an invitation.” you said uncomfortably.

“Oh, well Connor gets the mail. He must have not seen it,” she waved it off. “Where are your bags?”

Here it comes. Every time you come home she wants you to stay with her. She doesn’t like the res, she sees it as below her. This was one of the reasons you two fought a lot.

“I’m staying with Emily”

She wrinkled her nose at your answer as if she smelled some foul odor. She took a sip of her coffee that you failed to notice before.

“I’m your mother, you should just stay with Connor and I” she said

“And live like one big happy family.” you murmured.

“Don’t do that. Make remarks about our family, especially when you hang around the reservation.” she said condescendingly.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“Enough of this y/n”

“You’re right, I’ve had enough of this. Every time I think I should give you a chance and every time you prove me wrong.” you yelled.

You stood up and quickly walked out of the house just as Connor was pulling up next to your car.

“Nice car y/n”

“Thanks, it was my dad’s” you called out maliciously.

You pulled out of the driveway and headed for home. Even though you knew your last comment was mean, you couldn’t help the small smile that found it’s way to your mouth. Connor would tell your mother which would annoy her endlessly and that was honestly all you could hope for.

You hadn’t realized you were driving so fast until you saw red and blue lights in your rear view mirror.

“Fuck”

You pulled off to the side and rolled down your window. Charlie walked up to your door with a raised eye brow.

“Sorry Charlie, I didn’t realize how fast I was going.” you said apologetically.

“I thought Jake finally took your car for a joy ride.” Charlie chuckled, “I’ll just give you a warning kid. How was college?”

“Long, missed home.” you laughed.

“Well you’re pre-med so you have a few more years of school left.” he reminded you.

Charlie was best friends with Billy, Joshua and your dad before everything happened. He was one of the many surrogate uncles you had.

“You know, I have some connections at the hospital. If you’re interested I could see if they need an intern?” Charlie offered.

“Are you serious? Yes!” you answered immediately.

“I’ll call you when I find out, no more speeding kid!” Charlie said as he walked back to his car.

Wow. You got caught speeding and instead of a ticket, you got a way to advance your career. This was definitely the pick-me-up you were in need of. You started driving again and your phone buzzed. You looked down to see a text from Leah asking if you wanted to grab lunch together today.

You looked back up and saw a man. He wore all back with a long dark brown coat. His black hair was tied back into a low pony tail, accentuating his features even more than they already were. His pale face would have been the most startling had his eyes not been a bright red. The most unnerving part of this was that he was standing in the middle of the road staring at you while you were driving 75 mph.

This assessment all took place in a fragment of a second, but it was barely enough to jerk your steering wheel to the right and off the road in time. The car flipped sideways, barrel rolling twice. The world was a mess of colors, moving so fast they appeared grey. You felt a sharp stab in your left leg and stinging in your abdomen. The car finally settled and you thanked God that you had your seatbelt on.

You tried to hold onto consciousness and not close your eyes, but you felt so tired. The thought of sleep too alluring when being awake meant feeling pain. Even through the haze, you could sense you were being watched. Like a wounded animal being stalked by its prey. You hoped the man was alright and had called the police by now. You weakly lifted your hand to feel your stomach. Sticky and wet. Not good.

You heard the sound of an ambulance that seemed like a million miles away. You felt the jammed door being ripped open, someone fiddling with the seatbelt and then everything went black.

———————————————————————

A/N: ok so that was chapter 4, hope you guys liked it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter more than the usual chapters. Sorry if there’s any grammatical errors, hope you guys liked it! If you wanna be tagged, just comment and I’ll do for part 5.

@justdidabadthing @fangirlanotherjust @blonddnamedhandz @sugar-fandom-ass

#witchywrter

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bright-eyed · 4 years

Note

Kenna I just wanted to say that i really hope you feel good tomorrow and the days after, i've come to care so much for your well being, really, and i don't know you well, we’ve never really spoken, i only know you through the glimpses you share, but i want to say without being creepy that i have a mini crush on you, you're so intelligent and cultured, i love the way you use your words and think, you have a kind nature it shines even if you think you seem cold, i love your humanism tag

and your places tag and your plant tag and basically everything you tag, you’re so funny and smart, i always come back to your blog, you feel like a real person with all the emotions and sides of you you share, and i’ve come to like them all as if we were friends, i think once you find your people they will be so lucky to know you, you are so colorful and aware of yourself and others and ready to give your love, they will be so lucky, your personal posts sadden me but i relate to them too

i feel your pain, i really wish you well kenna, i will stay on anon because this is embarrassing to me, but know that i’m watching in a non creepy way, in a admiring way, one last thing, i hope you write your book, i know you will one day, i will be waiting for it in the future Xx

oh my gosh... i’m sorry this took me a few hours to respond to i saw it this morning and it made me just super emotional so i didn’t really know how to respond other than like keysmash crying emoji watery eyes emoji etc but now i want to respond properly... don’t know how but like... this means a lot to me... i don’t even know how to elaborate because it’s not like a “i’m glad this personal blog reaches people” or “i’m glad people still say nice things” it’s not in like an online validation thing that will go away and i’ll need it again because it’s never enough way it’s like i’m genuinely touched. it’s just nice to be reminded that i exist and that people like that i exist and that i like that other people exist, even if the ways we reach each other and recognize that seem shallow or insufficient (they’re not) and it’s nice because there are so many people in the world and there is you out there like there is me out there and that makes me less afraid and more hopeful.... i guess that a life of love and compassion with people who notice and care is not just a theory or an idea or a dream it’s not only a possibility but most likely it is an inevitability... if that makes sense. maybe i’m just still like emotional or delirious from pain medication and reading too much into all this and everything like i am wont to do lol idk... thank you... and frankly i am just very flattered which is saying something because a lot of the time these types of messages make me feel alone but i don’t feel lonely i feel like... idk like connection is possible.

sorry this message is very long and rambly and i’ll look at it later and think omg what the hell was i talking about lol but like i said i took pain meds i am quite delirious rn but also yeah i am sorry that we only have this tiny keyhole of the internet to glimpse into each other’s worlds... not to say that an eye through a keyhole doesn’t still have the weight of a gaze you know how gazes have weight and mass or something so like still it matters has matter.., yeah still matters... and this is not creepy at all this is. simply very kind. and i love u very much... i will dedicate my book to u... i will write it in part for u and for the rest of the world that i also love veru much... and it will be another keyhole or maybe even a window or maybe possibly hopefully even a door or a portal or a whole other world to live in idk we shall see... right now i am going to take a nap tho haha :-)

#hope thus message makes sense i dont even rememebr whatbi was tlaking about LOL #also i understand why u stayer on anon these things are bery hard to get right and it can be scary to try...#but u did right so donnot worry it still matters yep #the sleep meds just kicked in sorry pfffft lov lov lov #save #kennapost

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chroniclesofasickchick · 5 years

Text

Update: New Job Day 1

So, I started my new job today, and I did something stupid.

I didn’t bring my cane, I didn’t wear my knee brace, and I didn’t bring any pain meds.

It’s an office job, but with some need for movement, though, no lifting, pushing, pulling or other strenuous things required. Right now I’m just training though, so it’s mostly sitting.

Truthfully, I think I underestimated the harm of sitting so much. I thought “a desk job! Perfect for my hip.” I was wrong, especially when the sitting is on stools or old computer chairs.

So after sitting so long, my hip was DEFINITELY experiencing inflammation and irritation, and on occasion I’d have to get up. That was rough and lead to me trying to hide my limp. I tried sitting in so many weird (and probably unprofessional) positions, my coworkers probably think I’m weird.

So not just my hip, but my lower back, neck, knees, wrists, feet, and shoulders hurt. Seriously who would’ve thought sitting could be so bad.

I low key wondered what they’d all do or say if I just... full on laid on the floor in the back for 10 minutes during my lunch break.

Speaking of lunch, my body decided, “oh you ate! Time to cRaMp!” And yeah, my stomach hurt for a solid hour after eating. I also experience extreme fatigue when I eat, soooo as much I as believe food is a good thing, I’m probably skipping lunch tomorrow. On top of the new sleep schedule, and gneral chronic fatigue that I have, adding in fatigue from digestion, not a good combo. I swear I almost passed out in the back I was so tired and all my blood went to my stomach for digestion.

As far as the job goes, pretty easy. I’m not complaining about the work itself, just my body and how it responds to things that shouldn’t be a problem.

My coworkers seem like wonderful people. The work seems easy to comprehend, especially since I’ve done some of this work already. I don’t feel scared to ask questions, and over all they seem to appreciate that I’m there to learn and eventually help take weight off their shoulders.

I’m gonna need to be honest though and start using my cane and knee supports. I thought about getting a back one as well. Maybe keeping some meds in a drawer, and some ice/hot patches there.

Protein shakes should do the trick at the office instead of solid foods.

I didn’t want them thinking I couldn’t do the job, so I didn’t bring any of my health related things. I was afraid I wouldn’t get the job if I did, and I need this job. I need to get a new car, and I need to pay off my credit cards, and start saving for my surgery recovery time.

It’ll take me 6 months to acquire enough money for the recovery time expenses... I don’t even know if it can wait 6 months or if too much damage will be done by then.

I’m terrified of the idea of a replacement. So many scars, and the recovery is so much worse. Not to mention I want this hips to bear, and hold babies some day.

Ugh... I took a sleeping pill, and honestly can’t even keep my eyes open while typing this rn.

To sum it up: New job is good. Lots of sitting though. Hurts like a bitch and it’s only day one. My body is never satisfied. Had to take a sleeping pill because the night would be long otherwise. Have 26 unread text messages on my phone that I don’t have the mental energy to even read, let alone respond to.

I’m sorry this was long.

#chronic problems #chronically ill #chronically sick #sick #sick chick #blogger #chronic pain #eds #pain #hip #hip pain #hip problems #labral tear #labrum tear #hurts #hurt #ouch #update

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getinthefuckingcar · 7 years

Text

I Fucking Hate You

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or any canon story lines used in this fanfic.

I'm sorry if they're OOC, I'm working on making sure they're accurate. Also let're pretend Carl is home for some reason and all the Gallaghers are there rn.

I feel like I use too many commas when I write and most of my sentences are run-ons. Let me know if you agree.

Mikhailo Milkovich was found dead five miles from the border between Mexico and the United States.

Ian doesn't realize at first, why everyone freezes. He's staring at the TV, at the picture of him. The picture of Mickey. He still doesn't realize when Carl runs up the stairs and the door slams, when he hears a choked sob come from Debbie, when Fiona lets out a muttered, oh shit, or when Lip stops talking.

He doesn't realize until Liam reacts.

"Mickey Mouse?" He asks, turning to Ian. He sounds sad. How does he understand before Ian does?

Mikhailo Milkovich was found dead five miles from the border between Mexico and the United States.

Suddenly there's bile rising up his throat and he's throwing up all over the wooden flooring in the living room.

It's only been a few months.

It's all his fault.

The minute he stops, he's shaking. He can't stand up, but Fiona is next to him, and he doesn't realize he's crying until the pads of her thumbs are swiping under his eyes, but doing nothing, because the tears won't fucking stop.

She's guiding him up the stairs, into his bedroom and pushing him down until he's on the bed. She's talking, but he can't understand what she's saying because Mickey's dead. Mickey's dead and it's all his fault, and he should have gone with him. He should have been there because then he wouldn't have been wherever he was when he died, he would have been with Ian.

Ian doesn't leave his bed for two weeks. His pills are working. Debbie brings him his meds and some toast every morning and night, and he doesn't know how he has the strength to take them and eat the fucking toast, but Mickey had always wanted him to be okay, and Ian thinks that even if he's never really okay again, that this fucking disease won't be the reason why. There's always water next to his bed, whenever he drinks it someone comes in and fills it up. He doesn't shower, Fiona called into work for him, explained what happened. Sue doesn't really know the full story, doesn't really understand who Mickey is, or why Ian cares so much, but she lets him take as much time as he needs. He only gets up to piss, because fuck that, he isn't pissing in his fucking bed.

Everyone tries to talk to him, Lip comes upstairs first, a few hours after Fiona brought him up, telling him that he gets it, that it felt like this when Karen got hit by the fucking car and Ian screams at him. Tells him he doesn't understand because this is his fault, and Karen didn't fucking die, and she remembered who he was, and he could still go and find her if he really wanted to see her. Lip doesn't say anything else, but when he leaves, Ian curls further into himself.

Fiona tries to talk to him next, come into his room a few days later, saying that she gets it too, that when she though Jimmy was dead, it was horrible. Ian doesn't believe her because he knows she never really thought Jimmy was dead, just that he left. He doesn't scream at her, but when she tries to brush the hair out of his face, or tempt him into taking a shower, he shoves her away. She leaves too.

Carl and Debbie talk to him, halfway through the second week. They tell him they don't understand how he feels, that maybe they've seen people in love, maybe they have been themselves, they don't really know, but they've never seen anyone love like him and Mickey. That, yeah, they both fucked up a lot, but that time between his first depressive episode and his next manic one, those months, were the happiest they've ever seen Ian. They say that Mickey would want him to be okay. When they leave, Ian showers, but goes back to bed again.

The last day he spends in bed, Liam stumbles into his room. He climbs into the bed with Ian, little hands resting on his cheeks.

"I miss Mouse, too." Ian cries again. Liam's short fingers wiping away tears, and he stays with Ian until the morning.

Ian gets up, he showers, he wakes Liam up and makes him some breakfast. He calls Sue, tells her he'll be back tomorrow. She says she was worried about him, asks if he's okay, he says he's not, but he's as okay as he'll ever be.

Fiona and Lip try not to make a big deal of him being up, but they hand him a plate piled with food, and even though he isn't hungry, he eats all of it.

Ian checks him phone, sees messages from Mandy and Iggy, even Svetlana called a few times. He texts Mandy, asks if she's okay. He doesn't answer when she asks how he's doing. Iggy actually seems upset when he answers the phone, and Ian remembers that Mickey had told him Iggy had always been the one trying to keep the beatings from Mickey, just like Mickey had tried to keep them from Mandy.

He calls Svetlana and asks if she could bring Yevgeny over. He says he's sorry for acting like he didn't give a shit, about her, or the baby, or Mickey. She tells him that she knew he gave a shit, knew he had fucked up, but that it was okay. She brings Yevgeny over for dinner.

When she walks through the door, she hands the three year old to Ian and the toddler smiles bright, his blue eyes shining, just like Mickey's did. Ian wants to cry again.

"He misses father," She stated.

"I do too."

"Other father, one who's here now."

Ian smiles for the first time in weeks, and presses his nose to the back of Yevgeny's head.

There's a knock on the door, and Debbie goes to answer it, Liam trailing behind her.

"Mouse!" Ian freezes, placing Yev down on the couch. He turns around.

Mickey is there. His hair is blonde, peeking out of the hoodie he's wearing, but he's there, and his knuckles still hold promises of pain, and his eyes are still just as bright, and he's picking Liam up and hugging him.

"What the fuck?" he hears someone ask, Fiona, probably, but Mickey is hugging Debbie and Carl now and Ian tries to remember if he took his meds at breakfast. He did.

Mickey is looking at Ian now, and suddenly Ian is there. His arms are tight around Mickey, one pulling the hood off his head, and slipping his hand into his hair, the other around his back, hand gripping tight to the fabric he finds there. He breathes in deep, finally taking in that scent he loved, the scent he missed so fucking much. Mickey's arms are around him too, one hand running up and down his back and the other holding around his waist.

"You complete fucking asshole!" He chokes out. He realizes he's breaking down and he doesn't really care, because Mickey isn't fucking dead. "I fucking hate you." He says, but he's wetting Mickey's sweater with tears, and he's never fucking letting go.

"I love you too." Ian's smiling, pulling back enough to kiss him, there's tongue, and the tears still falling from Ian's eyes are making it kinda wet, but neither of them care. When they pull away Ian immediately clings to his side and doesn't let go when he picks up Yev, and hugs the little boy, or when Fiona hugs him, or when Svetlana does, even when Lip gives him a one armed hug, Ian is still wrapped up in one arm, both of his around Mickey's torso.

"I love you, shit, so fucking much, I should have gone with you. I'm sorry. So fucking sorry, Mick." Ian looks down at him, green eyes shining, and, shit, how does he have any tears left?

"Hey, it's okay. Yeah, you really fucking hurt me, a few times actually, but it's not like I never hurt you." He kisses the top of his head, "Gonna let me go now, dumbass?"

"No." He buries his face in his shoulder, and Mickey laughs.

"As much as I hate to break up this reunion, how the fuck did you fake your fucking death?" Fiona asks, even if she sounds kind of mad, she has a smile on her face.

"Met up with Damon, he was my cellmate, motherfucker has a big fucking heart aparently, helped me do this shit even after I left him when we switched cars." Mickey looks away from Ian, up at the rest of the Gallaghers. "He has some fucking connections, I guess. He did most of the work. I payed him, but all I really had to do was stand there and look pretty until the cops declared that shit."

"So you're stayin' here?" Lip asks, trying to hide his smile. It would be nice to have the old Ian back.

"Yeah," he looks back at Ian's smiling face. "Yeah, I'm stayin' here. I don't know where exactly I'm stayin', but I'll figure that out."

"Stay here. Or we can find somewhere else to live, or we can move back into your old house, but together. Yeah?"

Mickey nods, answering with a quiet, yeah, and Ian lets him answer some more questions from his family. He plays with Mickey's hand, stares at the tattoos he's misses so much. They promised pain, but they touched Ian so softly.

Eventually his family files into the kitchen, and then out the backdoor. Ian pulls Mickey down to the couch, and suddenly he has a lap full of Milkovich.

Then he's angry.

"What the fuck, Mick? You couldn't have warned me?"

"Oh, yeah sure, let me just call you and get fucking caught, while I'm trying to get back to your sorry ass!" Mickey looks angry too, but Ian thinks he's hurt.

"You shouldn't have left!" Ian shouts back.

"You left me!" Mickey's voice cracks on the last word and Ian's heart shatters again. He tries to climb off Ian's lap, but Ian can see the tears shining in the older boy's eyes, so he wraps his arms around his waist and holds him there.

"You left me," he repeats, "I did everything I could to stay with you, to make sure you were okay, and you broke up with me, let me get arrested, you never fucking visited me, and I broke out so I could fucking see you! Then you left again! And I know I've done my fair share of shit, but fuck, Ian, I tried." His voice gets quieter the longer he talks, and he's crying by the end, hands angrily trying to wipe the tears.

Ian knows how much he fucked up, he knows all the shit he did. The cheating, stealing his fucking kid, how he acted while adjusting to the meds, fucking hitting him. Leaving with Monica, breaking up with him. He let him go to jail, and even when he was stable again, didn't visit, and talked shit about him. He knows he can blame most of it on his fucking disease - disorder, Mickey always corrected him - but not all of it. He should have been there, tried to get him out, visited. He should have chased after them when Sammi pointed a gun at Mickey and he ran. But he didn't and he can't change that, but maybe he can fix it, because this was actually something broken. And it was Ian's fault.

"Fuck, Mickey, I know. I fucking know, okay? I fucked up so bad, and I get it if you can't forgive me, but I'm gonna make it up to you. I'm gonna do everything I can to stay with you, no matter what. I'm gonna fix this, fix us. I love you, and I need to clean my fucking mess, but we're here now, we're together, and as long as you lay low, we'll be fine. You go by a new name, cover your tattoos when we go out, you could probably even get a job. I'll start saving again, we can get an apartment or something, help Svet with the kid. Whatever you want, okay?"

Mickey nods against Ian's collarbone, presses a kiss to the top of his chest. Ian turns and presses one on the top of Mickey's head.

"You dyed your hair." Ian says, smiling a little, and Mickey's laugh is pressed into his shoulder, muffled a little, but it's still the best thing in the world to Ian.

"Yeah, I did. Kinda sexy?"

Ian laughs, thinking about that cheesy Hawaiian print shirt he'd asked the same thing about.

"How about you go by Gallagher. Michael, or something. But Gallagher."

"You proposing to me or some shit, now?"

"Yeah."

Mickey's breath hitches as he pulls away from Ian's chest, looks into his eyes.

"Ian, we can't get fucking married, not really, I'm a fucking fugitive."

"So? We get rings, we move in together, you go by my last fucking name. Close enough isn't it?"

"Sure, Gallagher. Tell your family there's another one of you." Ian smiles bright, and so does Mickey.

After they tell his family, Ian kicks them out again, tells them not to come home for a few hours.

They didn't leave his room until morning.

#Ian Gallagher #mickey milkovich #gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #angst with a happy ending #mickey fakes his death but you don't need to know that until you reach that part in the fic #oops i spoiled shit'#i was told to not let school take writing away from me so here i am #they love each other #they use their words #ian knows he fucked up #mickey is upset but he forgives him

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elisekw4-blog · 7 years

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A Bad Fall

Being home was surreal and yet I was 100% ready to be back on trail as soon as our time there was up. We left Seattle on a hot Sunday morning and headed to Snoqualmie where my parents sent us off. We hiked uphill for seven miles and cowboy camped at Ridge Lake, one of many beautiful alpine lakes in the area. I woke up at five am to the strong smell of smoke. We were suddenly in a cloud of smoke, covered in ash. The next day was full of ridge walking with these spectacular views which were now hidden in the smoky abyss. As bummed as I was about the smoky curtain, I tried to make the best of it anyhow. About five miles into my day, on a downhill section of the ridge walk, I stepped on a rock at the edge of the ridge, and immediately turned my ankle in the worst way. My full body weight and some serious momentum were both working against me. As I lay in the middle of the trail, pack straps choking me, knee skinned, I began to sob. I wasn’t crying because I was hurt, although I knew I was badly injured. I cried because the first thought I had was ‘my thru hike is over.’ Devastation flooded me. I’ve come so close, and this is how it ends?! I started to cry out for DB, but he was too far ahead and couldn’t hear my cries. I couldn’t stand. I continued to cry and soon enough another thru hiker came along. I had met Bobby Hill a few weeks back, but didn’t really know him. He immediately took off his pack and sat down with me. He gave me something for the pain and told me he would stay with me for however long I needed. I was SO grateful to have him there with me. We talked about my options. As the tears subsided, the reality sunk in. This was a real injury. I was on the side of a steep mountain, miles from water, and there were no easy exit points. I could hike back to the last water five miles, or continue north to the next water three miles ahead, where DB would be waiting for me. If I couldn’t hike at all, I needed to seriously consider pressing my SOS and get airlifted out. For anyone who knows me, the last option wasn't one I would give into unless it was life or death. After more tears of frustration, some pain killers, an ace bandage wrap, and lots of motivation from my peers, I decided to hobble the three miles north to the pond where I would meet up with DB. Bobby Hill patiently walked behind me and made sure I was okay. About half way to the pond, we turned around a bend to find DB, hiking south to find me. "Honey, I'm broken" were the first words out of my mouth. I've fallen so many times on the PCT and I've never been hurt. Why this time?! DB walked behind me just as Bobby Hill had, and we slowly made the other mile and a half to the pond. I soaked my already grapefruit size ankle in the cool water and we ate lunch and talked about our options. I didn't want to turn around and so we decided to hike the next three miles to the waterfall and camp. It was the slowest three miles of my entire hike (including the Sierras). Along the way we met a hiker named The Mayor, who gave me some extra food and offered to carry my pack for a while and give DB a break. Of course DB said he didn't need the help....my night in shining armor ;). When we arrived at the waterfall, camping was limited. There was already a hiker posted up and just enough room for us to squeeze onto a semi flat rock on a cliffs edge. Not ideal, but we had no other options. There was a small note at the campsite reading, "resident rat. Do not camp here! Will chew through ANYTHING to get to food". We didn't take this too seriously. We've been living out here for five months and have never had any issues with rodents. Our friend Tissue showed up shortly after, and we all made dinner together. Tissue gave me a great ankle brace and some pain killers. We set up our cowboy camp and went to bed shortly after eating. It had been a long day and I needed some good sleep. DB and I decided to use our food bags as pillows to ensure the rat would stay away. We've always been under the impression that animals will smell us first and be scared off. Well, this nasty little bugger had some balls. No sooner than five minutes after laying my head down did I hear the pitter patter of rat feet on my thermarest neoair. Omg!!!! The rat had crawled right up to my head! We shooed it away, only to have it return as soon as we settled in again. This was an ongoing issue for a while. Finally we decided to flip over so that our heads were towards the cliff and we stashed all our food between us and cuddled it. That damn rat finally left us alone and we got some much needed sleep. However I did fall asleep with my tent poles in one hand and my head lamp in the other, ready to swat the bugger if he was brave enough to return. The first thing most of us do when we wake up is pee (sorry, but I have no filter anymore). On this morning, my ankle was so swollen and so painful, I could barely preform this task. We were 20 miles from any road and I couldn't even pee on my own. This was bad. I crawled back to my sleeping bag and began to cry. I cried and cried and cried. When I thought I was done crying, I cried again. I was so frustrated with my body and so fearful that this was the end of my PCT adventure. DB told me I had to make a decision. We would either commit to the 50 miles to Stevens, with a high probability of running out of foods and a chance of doing more damage to my ankle, or hike back 20 miles with enough food to take it easy and have a better chance of making it safely. This was one of the hardest decisions for me. I've never hiked south bound. I'm a north bound thru hiker. This was a time where I had to put my pride aside and make a smart decision. I made the choice to hike back to Snoqualmie after trying to walk 50 ft from the campsite to trail in utter agony. DB insisted on carrying my pack and we ever so slowly made our way up the many switchbacks we descended the evening before. Along the way we ran into many familiar faces of hikers we had met along the way but hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone stopped to make sure we were okay, offering help carrying my pack, made sure we had extra food and meds. It was amazing to feel so much support from my thru hiking peers. We even met a section hiker named Janis, who was a massage therapist. Janis gave me a treatment right there on trail! My gratitude was overflowing. We arrived at the pond after three hours and spent the rest of the day soaking my foot, elevating it and simply resting. DB was so supportive. We are used to being on a sort of schedule and meeting these goals we set for ourselves each day. My injury threw a wrench into our plans, and of course I felt guilty for being the reason we had to turn around. DB didn't make me feel guilty about it for a second. Be was 100% supportive in my decision to turn around and did every single thing he could to make sure I was okay. He reminded me to drink water and elevate my foot at each break. He carried my pack the entire way out....which had to have been extremely hard. He had his own pack on his back and mine on his chest, climbing mountains to our exit point. Many hikers who passed by us commented on how strong he was and what a champ I had in a hiking partner. Of course I fully agreed with each of them, yet each time he would tell them they were wrong. He told them that I was the strong one and the champion for hiking on my injured foot. I honestly couldn't be luckier to have him as my hiking partner. Our friendship makes the hiking more enjoyable, but it most certainly makes situations like these far more manageable. We hiked fifteen miles the following day, all the way to the road. We were both exhausted and sore. We weren't sure how we were going to get to Leavenworth where we planned to stay with my friend Erika (an 7ne RN alum) and her husband while I could heal. It was almost seven pm and we had no plan and we were beat. We decided to walk to the Chevron at the pass where hikers get a free beer from a local named Dan who hosts a food truck and figure out a plan there. The moment Dan handed us our beers, my phone buzzed. It was Erika, telling me that her good family friend Donna who lives at the pass had a room and hot meal for us to stay the night. I yelped with utter joy and hugged DB. I called Donna moments later and I kid you not, she was there within five minutes! We couldn't have dreamed of a better scenario. Donna is truly one of the kindest souls we've met on trail. She and her husband provided us with hot showers, laundry, their guest room and two hot meals. My parents (they are incredible) picked us up early in the morning and drove us all the way to Leavenworth to Erika's house. I'm officially resting now and am feeling so grateful for all of the support on and off trail in the last 72 hours. Thank you to everyone who offered to help me. I'm immensely lucky to have a such wonderful people in my life and I don't take it for granted one bit. I'm certain that I'll be back on trail in no time. Until then, I'm looking forward to catching up with my old friend from UWMC here in Leavenworth. Feeling SO much love and sending it right back to all of you! XO -Munch

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essentiallychaotic · 7 years

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85 statements R U L E S : you must answer these eighty five statements and tag twenty people I was tagged by the always wonderful @acynicandanidealist ^-^ (also sorry if this has been tagged for a bit, my tumblr didn’t tell me so if I’m doing this weirdly late whoops :/ ) I would like to tag: @skittles-pixie, @pacificjim, @khanleesi, @keepingkaya, @astreana, @elfiethewicked, @bleustocking, @cuemypulse, @wingleader, @lokidiabolus, @scribbly-wibbly-stuff, @stenchy-wench, @universalhouseplant, @shalanos, @nancysinatras, @dragonsdawn, @hungry-angry-lyingdown, @horaetio, @inktaire, @pntmrcys, aanndd anyone else who wants to do it!

Also sorry if the formatting is wonky, I’m on mobile. Part 1: the last: drink: Water, I have this like quart mason jar with a drink lid, cause I’m one of those people I guess :P phone call: I talked to my Dad this afternoon text message: Uummm… I had to go check haha, it was Cece song you listened to: Probably something by David Bowie this morning (followed by me wandering around the house just singing his name, just repeated dramatic “Bowie!” My dogs loved it) Ooo unless movies count, then whatever is the credits song for the new Ghostbusters :D time you cried: I cried cutting up shallots tonight… other than that idk… I cried during Wonder Woman, seeing my childhood hero portrayed so perfectly was emotional Part 2: Ever: dated someone twice: Like gone on two dates? Yes. I think I’ve gone on two dates (technically three) with two different people. I don’t really date much tho, it takes so much time and college is a lot of work kissed someone and regretted it: Nah, I’ve learned something about how people are every time, hard to regret useful life lessons been cheated on: That involves a relationship so no lost someone special: No one that has passed away, but last fall I had to realise that a friendship had turned really toxic and was impacting my stress and health, which was really hard because she was very important to me, and losing that friendship has been a point of pain this year been depressed: Yes, I’ve just gotten to the point in the last two years where I am able to manage it and not let my depression or anxiety impact my life. I’m really lucky that I don’t have to take meds for it, mainly because I’m super forgetful and never remember to take any pills I’ve ever had gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes and I don’t recommend it. It’s very not fun Part 3: Favourite colours: Green, blue, brown, gold, and red Part 4: In the last year have you: made new friends: I have, and they are all wonderful people fallen out of love: Nope laughed until you cried: I think I have, but even if I haven’t actually cried I’ve gotten close, I’m blessed with wonderfully funny people and pets in my life ^-^ found out someone was talking about you: Yeah my professors, apparently it was nice things but it still freaks me out when they casually are just like “oh that reminds me, we were talking about you at the meeting the other day…” met someone who changed you: Maybe more of met people who affirmed my belief that people can be good and kind and caring, and that I should keep working to be present in the kind and caring parts of myself (cause boy did I used to be bitter and grumpy) found out who your friends are: I feel like this is that “when times get tough you’ll find who your REAL friends are” kinda thing… which I don’t really put a lot of stock in because I think awareness of who people are and where they are at is important in respecting them as individuals… I did lose a couple of friends in the whole big ending toxic friendship thing, but I kinda saw those coming and there’s no hard feelings kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope Part 5: General: how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I have met them all in real life but one. He and his friends were drunk and at the same hostel as my friend when she was on the phone with me and he asked her if he could talk to her friend and it was hilarious and he added me on facebook do you have any pets: Two puppies do you want to change your name: Nah, my name means born of fire, and I kinda like that… plus it also is connected to my mom’s name in a weird, circuitous way and I like that too what did you do for your last birthday: I had class and work, and then planned on meeting up with friends for our usual pub-and-board-games night and they surprised me with cheesecake and those candles that relight themselves… it was a fun night :) what time did you wake up: 9am-ish what were you doing at midnight last night: Playing with my phone I think… reading something on Ao3 name something you can’t wait for: I start grad school in Belfast this fall, so I’m really excited and also crazy nervous about that when was the last time you saw your mom: A couple of hours ago when we were watching Ghostbusters (I love that movie, Melissa McCarthy is my hero) what are you listening to right now: Silence. Also my dog licking her paws. Everyone here is asleep. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, remember that one random friend on facebook? His name was Tom… there are probably other from college but I’m drawing a blank something that is getting on your nerves: Just… just so much of the social inequality and how badly our social system fails people who need support… and the fact that their voices aren’t respected and sought out when it comes to telling their stories, like what is that??? most visited website: Ummm… tumblr, gmail, facebook, and my grad school’s website are probs all really close rn hair colour: Natural is a mediumish darker brown colour… currently it’s a brownish/purple colour bc I dyed it months ago and just let it fade long or short hair: Shoulder length, so longish? It makes it easier to control my curls and make them feel fun do you have a crush on someone: Nope what do you like about yourself: Aahhh…. I like to think I’m fun to hang out with I guess… I’m that person whose like “let’s go on an adventure!” And then drags friends to walmart at midnight before walking around campus piercings: I have my ears pierced, and my nose. I used to have my septum pierced too but I took it out. blood type: B positive nickname: Mack or Kenzi relationship status: Happily single, dating takes work and always feels like I’m trying to present this nice and shiny version of myself…. anyone else feel that? zodiac: Aries pronouns: She/Her favourite tv show: Gilmore Girls gets my soul, but Stargate Atlantis is right there too tattoos: Tribalesque (i don’t know any other way to describe it) Celtic woman on one shoulder blade, Celtic tree of life on the other, I have the words “hope is a thing with feathers” (Emily Dickinson) on my left forearm, two black bands around my right forearm, three dots on my right hand ring finger, and this three dots, three lines celtic symbol on my left ring finger (those last two were done in my dorm room last year by friends). I’m also about to get a rose on my right forearm and my bro and I are going to get small sibling tattoos right or left handed: Right, but I can kinda write with my left bc in elementary school this kid in my class broke their dominant arm and it freaked me out bc if that happened to me I wouldn’t be able to do my schoolwork so I practised writing with my left hand. (I can also write so it’s perfectly backwards like a mirrored image bc I used to get bored in class sometimes) piercing: Yup. sport: I watch soccer and baseball, but I don’t play anything (Sleep break and also tired of fighting with mobile yaaayyy) vacation: Oooohhh anyplace with marvellous culture and history really. But I’d love to go to Paris or Rome. pair of trainers: Do converse count? Part 6: more general : eating: All food is wonderful but I love my dad’s bigos stew. drinking: Water with lemon in it. Or coffee and tea I’m about to: Finish watching Ladies in Lavender then go to bed.

waiting for: Grad school to start this fall. (See: also slightly nervous about starting) want: To see the David Bowie exhibit in Seattle. get married: If I find the right person. I want something lowkey and fun tho, like a party that happens to have a wedding at it haha. career: I dunno, I’m looking at college professor/author right now. Or just switching gears and pursuing musical theatre haha. hugs or kisses: I like hugs more, but not when people just surprise me with them. lips or eyes: Always eyes. shorter or taller: I’m 5'9" so I guess taller…? older or younger: I am 24 sooo I feel older but really that’s quite young in the grand scheme of things. nice arms or nice stomach: I gotta be real I love nice biceps. hook up or relationship: Relationship. troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on my mood and the situation. kissed a stranger: Yup. drank hard liquor: Yeppers, quite a bit actually. lost glasses or contact lenses: I misplace my glasses around the house all of the time but not actually lost them yet thank goodness. turned someone down: Yes. sex on the first date: Not my scene. broken someone’s heart: I really hope I haven’t, but I feel like I might have. had your heart broken: Only platonically by friendships that went south been arrested: Nope, and I hope to keep it that way haha. cried when someone died: I’ve yet to have someone I know personally die, and I hope it’s a long way off still. fallen for a friend: I have friends that I was attracted to at the start of our friendship, but never really fallen for them no. Part 7: do you believe in: yourself: I do now, but it took several years. miracles: I do, but I also think they’re not quite what we describe for them in our cultural narratives . love at first sight: No, love involves seeing people clearly and unconditionally caring for them. I think we can have connection at first sight but not love really. Santa Claus: I believe that Santa Clause is the spirit of Christmas and a wonderful way to see good in the world. kiss on the first date: Depends. But normally no. I did have a first date that ended in a firm handshake. That was interesting. He was also the one who on our second date listened to me explain the beowulf text narrative arc for St Christopher and was genuinely interested so… angels: I am definitely open to the possibility. Part 8: Other: current best friend’s name: Cece is my bae. eye colour: Green. Favourite movie: Reality Bites or Pride and Prejudice

#tagged #personal #only do it if you want to!#zero pressure guys ^-^

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your-fanboy · 7 years

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Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people I was tagged by @possutiikeri you cute the last …  1. drink: 4 cups of coffee 2. phone call: person I live with 3. text message: “juu” means yea and was sent to him ^ 4. song you listened to: Amaranthine - Amaranthe 5. time you cried: Last night, suddenly missed someone badly 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: I don’t regret stuff like that really 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: not for death at least 10. been depressed: I got meds for it even now 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: few times favorite colors 12. Blood red splattered on black 13. Black 14. Purple in the last year have you… 15. made new friends: I’d say so 16. fallen out of love: No 17. laughed until you cried: Definitely 18. found out someone was talking about you: Of course people do that, idk 19. met someone who changed you: I guess so, I’d call it growing 20. found out who your friends are: I didn’t fight with anyone or anything if that’s what this is about 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Well yes, my boyfriend is on it general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them 23. do you have any pets: No I don’t have 24. do you want to change your name: I already did 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I skyped with bruhhhhh 26. what time did you wake up: 8.30am I should study for an exam 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading a fanfiction 28. name something you can’t wait for: to meet my boyfriend again after two months 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: two days ago (it’s summer holiday) 31. what are you listening to right now: I was studying so I turned music off 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: does tommi count? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: quite serene rn 34. most visited website: Tumblr or insta 35. hair colour: brown. I like it black but it’s so short rn I don’t know if it’s worth dying it 36. long or short hair: I can’t stand it long 37. do you have a crush on someone: much stronger feeling than that 38. what do you like about yourself: I have kept the weight off that’s one thing, I kinda also like it that I’m oriented. Even with the depression 39. piercings: only four holes in my ears 40. blood type: you asking me? 41. nickname: fucking “alphabet” I hate that, my family uses that but I don’t react to it I just wish they’d stop. You can call me Tote 42. relationship status: I’ve been living with my boyfriend for couple months now 43. zodiac: Leo 44. pronouns: He/him 45. favourite tv show: Don’t know of favourite but latest I watched and liked a lot have been Shadowhunters, Rick and Morty & Modern Family 46. tattoos: would be cool to get some 47. right or left handed: Right handed 48. surgery: I’d like to get rid of my boobs 49. so called “flaws”: Well I’m chronically ill there’s that, a lot of allergies I don’t particularly need, chronic pain I wouldn’t miss… I don’t have health 50. sports: I like winter sports the most, I come from Lapland. I though of getting roller skates this month too. Would be good for my back they said 51. vacation: My parents planned to take my brothers and I to Norway in three weeks more general 53. eating: I worry people around me but I try I try to eat more 54. drinking: during summer I’ve noticed I do too little of this too 55. i’m about to: study and watch Netflix. I hope the first one isn’t a lie 56. waiting for: august 57. want: more Shadowhunters episodes 58. get married: yea that would be nice 59. career: kinda so skeptical about that cos I’ve been so ill for so long but it’s nice to hope, fingers crossed. I’m getting an education at least so that’s a start 60. hugs or kisses: oh god both and a lot of them 61. lips or eyes: lips 62. shorter or taller: I’m always shorter 63. older or younger: people make me feel younger and that makes me feel uncomfertable 64. nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t care about my arms but my stomach could be nicer 65. hook up or relationship: I like my relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant I think and yes I answered all of these from my pov :D 67. kissed a stranger: haaaaaa yes well 68. drank hard liquor: yea 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I dropped one in tea once 70. turned someone down: Yea well you those who just are 5 years younger than you and for some reason still ask 71. sex on the first date: I will have to say yea well erm to this one also because definition of sex is wide right 72. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so 73. had your heart broken: I wouldn’t say so 74. been arrested: haven’t been 75. cried when someone died: no one in my close family has died during my life so idk what it feels like to lose someone but damn do I cry when reading a card or watching a video, I’m such a crybaby 76. fallen for a friend: small crushes, yes do you believe in … 77. yourself: sometimes 78. miracles: yea I think it’s cool 79. love at first sight: why not for some people 80. santa claus: maybe the story is based on a real person who died ages ago 81. kiss on the first date: sure, kiss if ya wanna 82. angels: I don’t think there’s anything in the clouds per se other 83. current best friend’s name: Something about bff puts me off, I love all my few closets friends and they keep me sane 84. eye colour: I can’t see my eyes sorry but light 85. favourite movie: love actually is so good I’m sorry I really don’t feel like tagging. I love these tag things usually tho

#tag game

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supergirl-imagines · 7 years

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Lena Luthor/you fic part 8

“Y/N, wake up. Your doctor is here.”

Your eyes open to the sound of Lena’s voice and her hand on your shoulder. She’s standing at your bedside, still in the clothes she had fallen asleep in, and a man in a white coat stands beside her. You do your best to straighten up and not look like your entire body is screaming at you to stop moving.

“Y/N, I’m Dr. Russel and I performed your surgery. How are you feeling this morning?” he introduced himself as he checked the stats blinking on your bedside monitor.

“I’m fine, thanks,” you replied quickly. Lena, Dr. Russel, and the nurse at the foot of your bed did not look convinced.

“You know, your recovery will go a lot faster if you tell us the truth.”

Lena put a hand on your arm reassuringly and looked between you and your doctor.

“I mean, my leg hurts, and my head. And my side,” you admitted.

“Are you feeling any nausea?”

“No, not really.”

“Alright, follow my light—“ he pulled a penlight out of his pocket and shined it back and forth in front of your eyes, “—okay, I’m noticing a little delay in your left pupil, but considering the trauma to your skull, that is to be expected.”

“You said there wouldn’t be permanent damage,” Lena’s eyes narrowed at the man.

“Once her concussion passes, everything should return to normal. We’ll keep an eye on it just in case,” he replied calmly. Lena bristled, but accepted his reply with a nod.

“Can you wiggle your toes for me?” Dr. Russel continued with his examination and flipped your blanket up over your feet. A slight twinge of pain shot through the bottom half of your leg, but you were able to follow his request. Apparently satisfied, he turned your blanket back down and scribbled something on his chart.

“We’re going to fit you with a boot before you leave the hospital. Have you used crutches before?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “so I won’t need a cast?”

“As long as you keep weight off of it, your leg should be stable enough in a brace. You’ll need to wear it for at least four weeks. I’ll have one of my RN’s come in to change the dressing on your stitches as soon as I can. Do you—“ the doctor caught Lena’s eye and immediately corrected himself, “—either of you have any questions?”

“Yeah, when can I get out of here?”

“With head injuries as severe as yours, we like to keep patients under observation for at least three days.”

“Are you sure that’s long enough?” Lena’s voice was laced with skepticism, but the doctor smiled and nodded nevertheless.

“Yes, I’m quite sure. Anything else?”

“No, thank you, we’re fine,” you answered before Lena could question anything else and Dr. Russel handed your chart to the nurse. Once she finished asking you about your pain levels and checked your vitals, the two of you were left alone once again.

“You know that guy is a doctor, right?”

“Yes, I’m just…I want to make sure he’s being thorough,” Lena replied. “You can’t blame me for being concerned.”

“You look exhausted, Lena. Why don’t you go home and get some rest?”

In an attempt to divert the attention from yourself, you made the suggestion lightly and watched her brow furrow in concern.

“Do…do you not want me here?”

“No,” you tried to sit up and then grunted in pain, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I know what you look like when you’re tired and…you’re tired. I’m not going anywhere, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I could use a shower and a change of clothes…”

“I’m fine, Lena.”

“If you’re certain…” Lena let her voice trail off, giving you another chance to change your mind, and then finally picked her purse up off of the chair she had moved to when the doctor entered. “I’ll be back soon.”

As she turned and walked towards the doorway, you opened your mouth to speak and then lost your nerve. Lena disappeared out into the hallway and you stared up at the fluorescent light above your bed, a little upset at yourself for not being able to say what you wanted to. It almost seemed stupid to let her walk out without saying that you loved her, considering how many times you had stared at the cement walls of the room you were held in and wished you could tell her those exact words. But, some stupid, insecure part of yourself kept you from doing it. And, somewhere in the back of your mind, you could still see the condescending amusement on Lillian’s face.

—————————————————————————————

You had just dozed off with a fresh wave of pain meds from your IV when the sound of footsteps roused you. Your eyes flashed open to see a vaguely familiar blonde enter the room, accompanied by a woman in dark blue scrubs.

“Hi Y/N, I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Kara Danvers. I’ve visited Lena at work a few times?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, in a bit of a daze, and squinted at her. After a few seconds, the realization dawned on you and you continued to stare as she took a seat in the chair beside your bed. All you had to do was imagine her without her glasses, and you could see it. She had saved you. Kara was Supergirl.

“I need to change your bandaging, honey. Is it alright with your friend here?” the nurse asked, breaking your focus on Kara. You nodded somewhat absently and allowed her to pull up your hospital gown to expose your abdomen. As she removed the copious amount of bandages from your skin and you couldn’t help but wince at the sight of your bruised and stitched flesh. There was no way that the scars wouldn’t last.

“So,” you looked away as the RN went to work and returned your gaze to your visitor, “what are you doing here?”

“Well, I came to check up on Lena but…”

“Yeah, she went home to grab a shower and some new clothes,” you filled her in. “You guys are close?”

“You could say that,” the blonde confirmed. Something about her demeanor told you that she had another reason for being there, but she wouldn’t say it with the third person in the room. “How are you feeling?”

“Could be better,” you attempted to make light of the situation, but the blonde didn’t seem that amused. Before you could try anything else, the nurse swabbed your incisions with cold antiseptic and all the air shot out of your lungs. In an attempt to keep your composure, you gripped the sheets below you and clenched your teeth as hard as you could without cracking them.

“Sorry, dear—” the nurse gave you a sympathetic glance and began taping gauze over the stitches, “—but it’s better than an infection.”

“Thank you,” you whispered; still short of breath. Less than a minute later, the woman rolled your hospital gown back down and you pulled your blanket up.

“Just holler if you need anything else,” she excused herself, leaving you alone with the disguised superhero, and you took as deep of a breath as your ribs would allow.

“You saved me. Thank you.”

“Lillian Luthor hired you to spy on her daughter,” Kara stated bluntly. You dropped your gaze to your hand and pursed your lips.

“Yeah.”

“I’m not here to threaten you, or tell you that you got what you deserved, because I don’t believe that. I want to believe that you’re a good person because of how much Lena seems to care about you. Just…prove me right, please.”

“Kara, I love Lena. I would do anything for her.”

God, why is it so easy to tell her this and not Lena?

“Good,” Kara dropped the slight threat in her voice and you felt yourself relax slightly.

“What about Lillian? Is she still…out there?”

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Kara straightened her glasses and hesitated before continuing. “Some of the best government agents are tracking her down, but the two men she hired are both in jail. So, until she’s found, some agents are going to be tailing you and Lena. I promise, you won’t even be able to tell that they’re there.”

“So, I shouldn’t do anything illegal for a while?”

Kara didn’t seem to look too amused and you sighed.

“It was a joke. I’m serious about Lena, Kara.”

“I hope you are, because I know what you did before this. Your info wasn’t that hard to find when you have access to government records. I know what you’re running from and you better not use Lena to try to compensate for it. She deserves better than that.”

“I know she does,” your voice almost shook and you grabbed for the button connected to your IV pump. After a few clicks, the guilt-spurred knot in your stomach loosened and you found yourself able to look at Kara again. “Thank you; for caring about her and for saving me, even if I didn’t deserve it.”

“Everyone deserves to be saved, Y/N. It’s what you do after that matters—“ Kara turned towards the window suddenly, having heard something that you didn’t, and practically leapt up from her chair. “I need to go. Get well soon.”

In a blur of color, the blonde disappeared and you were once again left alone to your own devices. Soon enough, the morphine in your system made it’s way to your head and you were able to slip back to sleep.

——————————————————————————————————-

Lena made it back up to your room a little over an hour later and, having not been sleeping too restfully, you woke up to the sound of her heels on the tile floor.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” she asked and sat down beside the bed.

“No,” you lied and attempted to blink the drowsiness from your eyes. Lena had put herself together, make-up and all, and seeing her in her usual state of dress relaxed your for some reason.

“Y/N, should we talk about what happened?”

Lena bit her bottom lip and took your hand.

“What is there to talk about?”

“I just…I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about what happened to you?”

“Why would you want to hear about it?” you lowered your voice, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. You had based your career off of not having to talk about your past. You could make whatever you needed to up, as long as you were careful.

“I’m sorry if this is upsetting,” Lena began to rub the back of your hand with her thumb as she spoke and you bit the inside of your cheek. “I just can’t not feel like what happened to you was my fault.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Just talk to me anyway,” Lena pleaded. You looked over to the window, willing yourself not to push her away. “D-did they touch you, Y/N?”

“What?” you snapped your head back towards her and then winced at the way it made your head throb. “No, no. They didn’t…do that.”

“I’m sorry, I just needed to ask. You were gone for five days and I couldn’t stop thinking about what they might be doing to you.” Lena’s voice trembled and you watched her glance up at the ceiling like she always did when her emotions began to get the best of her. It made your heart ache to see her like that.

“Lena, it’s alright,” you said quietly. “What happened w-was bad, but I’m okay. You’re okay. Can’t we just move past this?”

“Of course; I want that too,” she agreed.

“You know,” you changed the subject as smoothly as you could, “your friend Kara stopped by. You never told me you were so close with Supergirl.”

“I knew you’d figure it out,” she chuckled lightly and the smile that crossed her features made the corners of your mouth turn upwards as well.

“She really cares about you,” you noted. “She’s also very protective.”

“Oh God, what did she say?”

“Just that she knows about, you know, me. But, she seems like a really good friend. I’m glad you have her. She’s, um, very super.”

“I’m glad you didn’t lose your sense of humor,” Lena laughed again and you felt a familiar pang in your stomach. Suddenly, you found yourself very anxious to leave the hospital and move on. You didn’t want to think about Lillian, or the stitches in your torso, or the fact that she was still out there, probably plotting a way to get to either you or Lena. You just wanted to move past this.

With Lena.

#lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena fic #supergirl #supergirl imagine

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