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boytearscore · 1 month

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reason. — johnnie guilbert.

summary: completely unable to show your own feelings to the world after growing up being mocked by your sensitiveness and tears, you face the coldness of your best friend’s roommate (johnnie) without letting it get to you, until one day watching a movie with both, he smiled at you for the first time.

warnings: mention of anxiety, depression, past traumas, psychal abuse, daddy issues, emotional blockage, angst, comedy, strong female lead, a bit of fluffly? we’ll see. (jake as your best friend.)

author's note: i got this idea last night while listening to ''nervous'' by the neighbourhood, strongly recommend you to vibe with it when reading. don't know if it will become a series, though. i'm just testing waters for now.

it was a saturday night, you and your best friend jake were hanging out all day together but he wasn’t feeling like saying goodbye yet. so to change things up a little, he invites you to watch a movie at his house.

“before you say no…” he immediately knew why you rolled your eyes and made his best puppy face. “i got your favorite chocolate at home, a whole box. you can even pick your weird thriller movies, plus it’s way cooler to watch it using our movie room. not tryna brag though.” he laughs and purse his lips. “pretty please…?”

you sigh, giving in. jake was the only person who you would do anything for. he’s been with you through tough times just as much as you’ve been with him and that created a bond between you two that no one could break.

as you both get in the car, you start driving and a few things go through your head while jake was picking a song.

the reason why you didn’t like to hangout at his house was his roommate, johnnie. you both never got along, everything began since the first day you’ve met. you couldn’t help but notice how caring, happy, sweet and all smiles he was around everyone, but you. there’s no explanation, the moment he laid eyes on you, he did nothing but be mean and cold.

but you weren’t some sensitive girl who cries when a boy says mean things, you grew up with that your whole life. no father to rely on, mean brothers and a non confrontational mother. people used to call you ''crybaby'' and that infuriated you, they spitted mean words at your face, saying you were weak and too soft, even using psychal abuse to make you cry on purpose, so much so that you’ve just hardened with time.

you made a promise to yourself, to be a mirror. to give people what they give you and nothing else.

and that’s exactly what you did with him as well, it seemed to be working, so you didn't really care.

johnnie was in the kitchen next to the living room, grabbing a soda when you and jake arrived. he looks over at the door as you come in, rolling his eyes at the sight of you.

“so fucking nice to see you too.” you give him the same eye roll and proceeded to enter the house, throwing yourself on the couch and letting a sigh out.

johnnie scoffs as you sit down. “how long are you staying for?” he asks, sitting on the couch in front of you and grabbing his phone.

“want me to leave soon?” you ask him, sarcastically smiling.

“i do want you to leave soon.” he finally looks up from his phone, giving you an annoyed look and you shrug.

“then i’m staying for a looooong time.”

johnnie just ignores your teasing tone and sips his doctor pepper. “what exactly are you doing here, anyway?”

you didn’t feel like engaging his little back and forth thing so you just ignored his question and then turned to jake that was just laughing, used to the bickering. he didn’t mind it. it was actually entertaining to him, although he was pretty sure you both would ended up fucking at some point.

“if you sleep while we’re watching the movie i’ll draw a penis on your face.” you threatened jake with your best scary face.

he laughs even harder when you threaten him and johnnie suddenly lets out a snort, but quickly composes himself when you notice.

that surprised you, he never really was a part of conversations when you were around, only to make sarcastic comments or be mean, but this was different, however you brushed it off, it’s not like you care anyways.

“you wouldn’t dare.” jake says, raising an eyebrow at you, a smug smile still on his face.

“watch me.” you whisper to him with squinty eyes, an evil smile creeping on your lips, he just sticks his tongue out at you, jokingly rolling his eyes.

“fine, i won’t sleep. happy?”

“we shall see, my friend.” you get up and walk towards jake grabbing his hand, the perks of having a rich best friend is that he has an entire movie room in his own house, and of course a whole box of your favorite chocolates.

as you two start heading to the room, you can’t help but turn your head back a little, looking at johnnie.

“you coming?”

johnnie looks up from his phone, watching you walk off with jake, and is surprised when you turn to ask him if he’s coming. he stands up and puts his phone in his pocket.

“i guess so.” he mumbles, walking behind you both. he doesn’t say anything else as you three head to the movie room.

you were the first one to enter the room, immediately sitting at the huge comfortable couch, jake was right behind you picking snacks and a soda. he throws the box of chocolates in your lap, giving you a wink and sitting next to you with a diet coke and chips in hands while johnnie got himself comfortable next to jake. you grab your phone connecting to the projector and picking the movie. it was a psychological thriller mixed with comedy, very weird and gory to say at least.

johnnie rolls his eyes as you pick the movie. “course you would pick something like that.” he mutters under his breath. jake laughs and playfully shoves him.

“c’mon, johnnie! give it a chance. thriller movies are fun.”

“you can just leave, though.” you finally reply to johnnie still eyeing the projector screen reflecting on the wall. he roll his eyes and just stays quiet while jake is still laughing. “i’ve heard there’s gross scenes, i’m so excited!” you shake jake’s arm while the movie starts, laying your head on his shoulder and eating a piece of the chocolate bar.

johnnie groans quietly, watching the screen while trying not to look the proximity between you and his roommate. he didn’t even know why it bothered him so much.

20 minutes of movie has passed and things already gotten weird and gross, you stared at the screen mesmerised while jake frowned with a disgusted face.

“how can you even enjoy this?” johnnie asks quietly to you, watching as a character behaves weirdly in the scene.

“aw, is that too much for you?” you stare at johnnie, doing the voice adults usually use to talk to children. “do you want me to switch to a cartoon?”

johnnie’s face turns red from embarrassment, but he hides it by rolling his eyes and leaning back into the couch, looking back at the movie.

“i can handle it just fine. i’m just saying i don’t understand how you like that crap.” he mutters, a hint of a blush still on his cheeks.

“since you wanna know so bad…” you start sipping jake’s diet coke, he gives you a dirty stare and you just laugh, proceeding to talk. “it’s not about the gore stuff, it’s about the deep meaning of it, why is the character doing that? i love to contemplate and understand their reasoning, it makes me feel connected to my human side. that’s all.”

johnnie is a bit taken back by your explanation, he honestly expected some stupid answer, not a thoughtful one. he stays quiet for a moment, thinking about what you just said.

“so… you like these kinds of movies for philosophical reasons?” he says, trying to understand.

“precisely.” you murmur, looking at the screen again.

“reasons...” he whispers to himself lost in thoughts but the scene unfolding in front of you three made his eyes pop, the character insists to engage an “action” with a girl who’s on her period.

“aaaand that's bad timing for all the things i just said, there’s no explanation for that.” you point at the screen, laughing. “this one is just a weirdo, i guess.”

“agreed.” johnnie lets out a quiet laugh.

johnnie’s laughter was something you’ve never heard before, and that made you smile a little but as soon as you realized it, you turn to jake biting your smile away, he looked utterly disgusted and was dramatically holding back a gag as the scene continues.

“ew, that’s disgusting.” he says, looking a little sick.

“didn’t you accidentally drink your own pee before?” you ask jake, laughing out loud.

“hey!!” jake shoves you lightly, a look of embarrassment on his face. “we promised not to talk about that again.”

johnnie lets out another low laugh, enjoying the interaction between you and his roommate.

“my bad, man.” you say acting like you regretted it. “still a sensitive topic, huh?”

“you’re an ass.” the red head boy rolls his eyes but he’s still laughing as johnnie is watching the two of you, his eyes going back and forth between you and jake, his lips curved in a small smile and you noticed right away, it wasn’t a mean one like always, it was genuine.

“hey…” you smile at him, not resisting his sudden cuteness. “for someone mean as hell you kind of know how to smile nicely.”

he looks a bit startled, not expecting you to notice his smile and actually say something about it. johnnie can feel his face heat up a bit.

“i’m not always mean, you know.” he tries to defend himself, his voice lacking the usual coldness.

this time, both of you and jake stare at him with a “really?” face.

“not always around other people, maybe…” you say, shrugging. “to me, yes.”

johnnie’s face turns from a light shade of pink to completely red. he stutters, trying to think of a good comeback but fails, just sitting in an embarrassed silence.

the room turns quiet, just the voices of characters in the background. no one dares to speak. probably because johnnie never smiled around you before, or because you complimented him for the first time, or… because you almost told him how you feel. usually jake is the one who has to listen to you vent, not that johnnie’s behaviour actually wounded you, but because you just didn’t understand his reasons, so you finally ask him.

“why do you hate me so much?” your eyes are glued to his, not giving a fuck about the movie you were so excited to watch for ages.

johnnie suddenly feels the weight of your question hit him. he fidgets a little, feeling a mix of guilt and defensiveness rising within him. he glances at jake, hoping for him to get him out of the situation somehow, but jake just shrugs and motions for him to answer.

he takes a deep breath, his eyes locked with yours. “i… don’t really hate you.” he mutters, barely above a whisper.

you frowned confused. “then why do you act like you do?” this question wasn’t planned though, your heart spoke for you.

he looks away from you, avoiding eye contact, struggling to find the right words and feeling vulnerable under your gaze.

“i… i don’t know. it’s just... easier, i guess. i don’t know how else to act around you.” he finally manages to get out, his voice shaking a bit.

“maybe start by not being a dick.” your tone is sarcastic but you had a smile on your lips, hoping both jake and johnnie couldn’t tell you were trying to light up the mood with your usual ironic humour to not make them uncomfortable.

jake lets out a laugh, feeling a bit more at ease with the sarcasm. johnnie, however, looks visibly frustrated. he clenches his fists, struggling to keep his cool.

“easier said than done.” he mutters under his breath, his tone cold again.

the smile on your face dropped, something inside you wanted to know his reasons badly, to dig more and more until the truth finally would show itself.

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

johnnie notices the smile dropping from your face and feels a pang of guilt. he runs a hand through his hair nervously, avoiding eye contact with you again.

“you wouldn’t get it. it’s just… it’s easier for me to be mean to you than anything else, okay? i don’t know why, but it is.” he says in a low, frustrated voice. “does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“sure.” you whisper, giving up on understanding his heart. maybe that’s why you were so obsessed with trying to figure out misunderstood movie characters, they reminded you of people in real life. they reminded you of… johnnie. you wanted to be able to find out why he’s like that with you, but he built walls around him when it comes to your presence. no matter how hard you try, he never will let you in.

you sigh, letting your head fall on jake’s shoulder again and paying attention to the movie in silence, he watches you put your head on jake’s shoulder, feeling a mix of disappointment and frustration. he wanted to say more, to explain himself further, but he couldn't find the words.

jake wraps an arm around you, sensing the tension in the room, and squeezes your shoulders gently. he glances at johnnie, trying to give him a subtle ‘fix-this’ look, but johnnie just looks away.

the rest of the movie continues in tense silence. johnnie remains quiet, lost in his own thoughts, while jake tries to lighten the mood with occasional jokes or comments about the movie.

you, on the other hand, was fighting a war inside your head. it’s either caring about the conversation that just happened or move on completely, you were divided between those two things, but then the past rushes through your head, when you used to care and show everyone how much you were hurt. in order to change, a lot of tears were shred.

and that’s why you are the way you are now, if people don’t wanna talk, you do not force them to, why tell them how you feel if they don't care and probably will use it against you at some point? plus it’s not like you had hoped things would change between you two.

the credits start to roll, signalling the end of the movie. jake looks between you and johnnie, noticing the lingering tension in the room.

“well, that was definitely something.” he says, trying to lighten the mood again and johnnie just nods silently, his gaze fixed on the now-empty screen.

“he killed everyone in order to get the life he wanted.” you start talking. “he also drank his friend’s bath water and went down on his sister while she was on her period.” you bite your lip and smile at jake. “i’ll be thinking about that for a while…”

jake burst into laughter, remembering the scenes you mentioned. “yeah, that was pretty messed up. but the whole drinking the dirty bath water scene made me lose my shit!” he laughs again, wiping a tear from his eye.

johnnie tries to not show a reaction, but he visibly cringes and lets out a soft “ugh” at the memory.

“bro, the slurping sounds got to me.” your laugh was so loud and genuine that jake couldn’t help but laugh with you as he nods, clutching his stomach from laughing.

“dude inhaled it like a chocolate milkshake."

johnnie can't help but crack a small smile, enjoying the friendly banter between you and jake, but he still keeps his comments to himself.

suddenly the room is quiet again and before things possibly get uncomfortable, you get up.

“alright, that’s my queue.” you give jake a small hug and take the box of chocolate in hands. “i’m taking these with me thank you very much.” jake hugs you back, still chuckling at your laughs. johnnie watches silently as you get up and head for the hall, a mix of disappointment and relief showing on his face.

“leaving already? you can crash here, you know.” jake says, sensing your intention to leave.

“nah, i’m good.” usually you’d actually do that, but sleeping in the same house as johnnie wasn’t the best move right now. “text me later, yeah?” you smile at jake and leaves without looking at johnnie.

he stayed silent as you left, watching you go without another word. he felt a mix of emotions, frustration, guilt, and a hint of sadness that he couldn't quite explain. jake glanced at him, sensing his inner conflict.

as you drive home, a million thoughts go through your head. mostly about him. and the worst part is that you didn’t even know why, but that was sort of okay, no one was there to watch you being vulnerable, so the questions naturally got to you.

why do you care so much about it?

why does your heart kind of sink everytime he doesn’t just tell you how he feels?

you don’t care about people who don’t care about you, why is that different when it comes to johnnie?

when finally home, you find yourself rewatching the memories from earlier, the way his voice softened, or the brief smile he let you see. it’s as if you caught a glimpse of the real him, and you can't stop wondering what lies beneath the icy exterior.

just when you think things would finally settle down in your head, your phone lights up, jake was calling.

“are you home yet?”

“yeah, what’s up?” you pick up right away, trying to hide your anxiety, but jake could sense something off just by the way you spoke.

“everything okay? you sound a bit off."

“i’m okay.” you fake a laugh, jake was your best friend after all, he knows exactly everything about you, including when you try to hide your pain and feelings. in fact, he was the first person to notice them and not judge you for that. “don’t worry about it.”

jake is still not convinced by your fake laugh.

“bullshit. i know something’s wrong. don’t try to hide it from me."

“it’s just…” you sigh, what’s the point of hiding it, anyways? you don’t need to be strong in front of him, jake would never hurt you like everyone else did in the past. “i care more than i’d like to…” you finally confess, hoping he would get what you mean without making you explain any further.

jake is quiet for a moment, understanding what you’re talking about instantly. he’s not surprised, jake could feel the tension between you and his roommate today. and how you seemed affected by it.

“it’s about johnnie, isn’t it?” he lets out a soft sigh on the other end of the phone.

“don’t say his name…” you tell him in a whisper, cringing with the possibility of johnnie finding out you’ve been talking about him. “i feel like there’s something underneath it.” you explain, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. “you know i don’t care about people being mean to me, got over it a long time ago. i just give it right back, not giving a shit. and i tried that to him for years, but the way he looks at me…” you close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “i can’t figure that look on his face, jake. and it’s driving me insane.”

“yeah, i get it, but here's the thing… i know for a fact that he doesn't hate you." jake pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best words to say. "he’s just… confused when it comes to his own emotions, you know? he’s got this whole mean act going on because he doesn’t know how to deal with feelings.”

“i would get it…” you begin to say, collecting your thoughts not to show the quavering voice . “if he acted like that with everyone, sure, that’s understanble, but it’s only with me. what the fuck did i do to him?” you almost yell the last part in frustration.

jake listens to your words, feeling your frustration through the phone. "i don't know, man. he’s never really explained his reasons to me either.” he ponders for a moment, wondering if he should tell you. “hey, can i ask you something?"

you got confused for a second, thinking he was about to make a joke or change subjects.

“sure.”

"have you ever considered that maybe... just maybe... johnnie is a dick to you because he likes you?" jake waits for your reaction with a small grin on his face, knowing your tendency to never consider the obvious.

and react you did, frowning and squinting your eyes so hard that for a second your head started to hurt.

“what kind of nonsense are you onto about, dude?” you blurt it out, finally laughing. jake laughs at your reaction, finding your disbelief amusing.

"i mean, think about it for a second. it fits all your theories, doesn’t it? why else would he be so mean only to you? maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold."

“too much weed inside your rotten brain, jake. that’s what it is.” you said still laughing and continued to tease him a little “i’m gonna put you in rehab or something.”

jake chuckles, still enjoying your denial.

"hey, you’re the one who can’t stop talking about how johnnie looks at you. i’m just planting the seed of thought, man. you never know." he pauses for a moment before continuing. “and just for the record, i’m not smoking anything at the moment. thanks for the concern, though."

“well, your seeds are just rocks and they’ll never grow anything but disappointment.” you tell him catching your breath from laughing so much. “but i do feel better now.” jake probably could tell you were smiling because he went quiet for a second, and that made you smile even more. “thanks for being my best friend, yeah? you’re my anchor.”

jake grins, happy that he was able to make you feel better.

"that's what best friends are for and just so you know, you’re my anchor and my sister." he chuckles before continuing. “but i won't stop planting those 'rock seeds' of mine. maybe one day they'll turn into an exotic flower or something."

“yeah, a toxic one.” you hear his laugh and roll your eyes. “i’ll go to bed now, talk to you later, okay?”

"sure, get some rest. and think about what i said." jake teases you before continuing. “sleep tight, darling."

you roll your eyes after hearing the ridiculous pet name, remembering when it started. one time you told him he gives father vibes to you, so he just calls you that because in his words “messing with your daddy issues is fun”.

after you hang up the phone, the room falls silent once more, and your mind begins to wander to the conversation you just had with jake.

now the stupid rock seed of thought he planted in your mind refused to disappear. the sentence “maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold” playing in an infinite loop inside your head.

as much as you tried, the thoughts kept nagging at you, refusing to be ignored. you sigh, realizing that sleep would elude you until you figured this out.

an hour ticked by and you tossed and turned in your bed, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop thinking about johnnie's behaviour and the possibility of him somehow “liking” you.

memories of the way he looked at you, the way he softened, only to revert back to his aloof self seconds later, it was so confusing.

eventually, the morning sun began to peek through your window, signalling the start of a new day. you felt exhausted and frustrated, with no answers and no sleep.

as you drag yourself out of bed, you feel the exhaustion weighing down on you. the lack of sleep and the endless loop of thoughts about johnnie had left you feeling drained.

you head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water, trying to jolt yourself awake. but even as you look at your reflection in the mirror, the thought of johnnie's hidden feelings still lurks in the back of your mind.

“well, now i’m fucked.”

you whisper to yourself, feeling defeated.

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soaringwide · 6 months

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PAC: Love reading - In what way are you self-sabotaging this relationship and how can you change course?

Today I wanted to do a Pick a Card love reading and focus on the ways you are self-sabotaging a specific romantic relationship, with a second part focusing on how to change course.

The idea is that sometimes we get in our own way and we can't see the pattern. The whole point of this reading is to realize what it is you're doing that is blocking yourself and how to better act in order to improve this relationship.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: IV of Pentacles + Dreams + Erotic Bliss + 9 of Pentacles Rx; Strength + Resentments + Loving Yourself + X of Cups Rx; X of Swords + Renewal Rx + Unrequited Love Rx + V of Wands Rx

Your pile has intense erotic feelings, perhaps even dreams, about this person, but reality doesn't match the height and perfection of your desire, in the sense that it exists mostly in your head. It makes you feel diminished and lacking and you retreat within yourself, shielding yourself behind your walls. You may be holding onto your sensual daydreams and enjoying them in private and you may find some bliss that way, but it is also very frustrating. Regardless there is a big sexual blockage here that's stopping you from expressing your desire towards your person, and it seems a big part of it stems from your own relationship with your body and sensuality.

You feel unsatisfied emotionally as well, but I think this stems from the fact that you are lacking in the self-love department. You rely too much on external validation for your sense of self-love and when you don't get that gratification, you feel rejected which leads to resentments. Again there's the imagery of building a wall around you, this time covered in barbels. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, keeping bottled up emotions surrounding rejection hidden within.

This is shown in the next message as well. You have this deep rooted fear of being stuck in an unrequited love, of being rejected and humiliated. I have this image in mind of a boat filling up with water and you keep trying to empty it but there's a hole and it keeps filling up at the same rate. There is no renewal (healing of yourself) possible because you're not fixing the hole and it keeps you in misery, in a state of constant struggle. There is also a component of comparing yourself to others and assuming you're not good enough for your person.

How to change course?

Cards: Knight of Swords + Forgive; 2 of Cups + Fear Rx; The Moon + Relieved Rx; Magic

I think part of you reaaaaally wants this relationship with your person but you're not accepting it. You need to understand that you're doing nothing wrong, that it is not shameful, it is normal and natural, beautiful and human even. You may be feeling guilty about this situation because you FEEL you're doing something wrong, and you really need to forgive yourself. Try to focus on the beauty of it instead.

You also need to get over your fear of intimacy. I see the two figures of the two of cups approaching each other mutually. It's a beautiful and sweet card, it's a card of union and happiness, and you know that's what you want, but you're so scared of it that you won't let it happen.

The overall message is to examine your subconscious for biases and shadows, in particular when it comes to fear of intimacy and sexual shame, so that you can relieve that pressure and come forward in love. Perhaps for some of you it stems from a lack of experience, so you might want to educated yourself from trusted sources to help you get a healthier and more balanced picture in your mind. But overall nothing will beat learning yourself, but you got to make way to learn without judgement and shame.

Desire is a beautiful power of nature. It is magical. It is yours. Stop underestimating or undermining it, or thinking it is not yours to have because it's not true. I'm getting that for some of you it might be stemming from religious trauma and shame regarding sex, so you might want to look into that as well in order to heal.

PILE 2

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: 6 of Cups Rx + Sorrow Rx; Page of Swords Rx + Fear of Abundance + Change; 8 of Swords Rx + Intuition Rx + Page of Cups Rx + Relieved Rx

The way you are self-sabotaging is, first, by not being able to let go of past pain surrounding love and to cling onto the past. Perhaps you are nostalgic for sweet memories that are long gone, something that felt pure and simple and that you feel you may never find again.

I feel that you somewhat lost your sense of adventure. You overthink about your past loss and make the false logical conclusion that you'll never receive anything good in matters of love, or that no change is possible. You are stuck in a negative, overly defensive intellectual stance which became like some type of reflex you have a hard time detaching from to progress on your journey.

It's similar on the emotional side since you seem to be over protective of your old feelings. Like, the past seemed so great you feel like nothing will ever compare. You can't seem to release and accept that something new and beautiful in a different way may arise. Which means you have a hard time opening yourself to new messages of love. The curiosity is buried under a pile of fear.

On that note, you are not listening to your intuition at all because it is so polluted by your negative spiraling thoughts. You feel disarmed but you don't see that you have everything that you need to break free. To be more precise, you know yourself, you know what you've been through, but you get lost in the maze of your own mind. And if we add the blocked feelings you hold onto, I see that the problem you have is not so much about external things but rather, the way you deal with your thoughts and emotions.

How to change course?

Cards: The Emperor Rx + Nurture Rx; King of Cups Rx + Your are Deserving Rx; The Lovers + Creativity Rx; 3 of Wands Rx + Anxiety + Manic; The Lover (oracle)

Interestingly, you got a lot of swords in the struggle part but none in the advice part, which makes me thing that the first things you need to do is get out of your head a bit.

With the Emperor, there is this idea that you need to become a good ruler to yourself. Right now you are some type of old tyran that keeps talking about the old times without caring for the present. You need to nurture your present needs, be kind and empathetic with yourself and take the action needed for your own good. How would you feel if someone treated you the way you are treating yourself?

With the King of Cups, there is an extra-emphasis on the realm of emotions. I think that part of why you emotionally stay stuck in the past is that you lack self-worth making you feel undeserving of love.

The Lovers popped up but I think it talks about yourself, about how you need to merge the gap within your own heart. It may seem like a convoluted and difficult task that requires skills and experience, but really, you just need to come forward as you are and communicate where you are at. Be true, be metaphorically naked in front of the other and let them see you for who you are.

Lastly, you are being warned about where you're putting your mental energy. It's like as I said, part of you is stuck in the past, but the part of you that focuses on the future is looking at it wrong. You're feeding it with distorted information, and this creates a storm of anxiety and erratic thoughts that keeps on escalating with no end in sight.

Last advice you got the Lover again (oracle deck) with the sentence ''it is safe to surrender to the good feelings''. So to wrap up with what i was writing earlier, rather than follow your fears and regrets, the best course of action is to follow your bliss! Feed your mind and heart with sweet things to create the change you're wishing for.

PILE 3

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: Ace of Swords Rx + Unknowing + Shame Rx; Empress Rx + Courage Rx; 8 of Swords Rx + Intrusive Thoughts; Page of Wands Rx + Bottled up + Manic Rx

There are some areas of uncertainty in this relationship that makes you feel confused about the situation. It's taking your power away a bit and makes you feel like you don't know what to think or how to act. But I think some of this has to do with a lack of communication that makes you think that this situation is unexplainable where it could actually be if you stepped out of that stance. I feel like you would feel ashamed to bring some subjects up but it's a faulty reasoning.

You lack the courage to express your needs and boundaries, to speak up about what would make you happy and fulfilled. I think you know clearly what you want and what you need but you're just not defending that and you're letting yourself get treated differently than you would need.

I think it makes you feel powerless, like you have no control of the situation, but you don't see that it's the result of a very deeply ingrained pattern of thinking that you can totally untangle if you put in the work.

Lastly, I think this lack of being able to stand up for your needs is leading to a lot of frustration and bottled up feelings that may result in outbursts of anger or fights that may look a bit erratic from another perspective. You might have a tendency to jump to conclusion when it's not what you need in the moment.

How to change course?

Cards: 10 of Swords + Creativity Rx + Wounded Heart; 4 of Swords Rx + Love; 5 of Cups + Trauma Rx; Page of Cups + Anxiety Rx + Forgive Rx

I think a big message is to air out your worries, talk about them or express them in one way or another so they can get resolved. You might even benefit from therapeutic art making I'm getting. But yeah you've got a lot of pain to process and you need to start working on that if you haven't already, and you might want to reach out for help in order to speed up the process.

Love can and will play a part in your healing journey, but you shouldn't have to hide you you are in order to live this love. Find those who inspire you to blossom in order to grow together and heal each other in an act of reciprocity. You need to learn to be authentic and not hide because you are scared you are going to be judged for something that is not your fault. Pay close attention to how someone makes you feel after you left them. Do you feel at peace or at war? Learn to listen to that feeling and you'll be guided towards what you need.

PILE 4

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: The Chariot Rx + Wish Fulfilled + The Protectress Rx; The Empress + Hope + 2 of Pentacles Rx + Energy; Judgement + Shame + 5 of Cups Rx + 8 of Swords

The first message is that you are extremely eager to see your wish fulfilled in exactly the way you want, not allowing things to run their natural course. In that situation, the desire to be in full control is not the way to go about it. It seems that this situation is winding path full of detours, and you try too hard to rectify the trajectory instead of going along the ride. The reason for this is that you're trying to protect yourself because you're scared of the pain inflicted by disappointed love, or love that has no place to go, but you don't see that this over-protective behavior is the very thing that inflicts you pain.

The second message talks about depletion, about an imbalance within yourself that stops you from standing in the full power of the Empress, who embodies grace, abundance and safety. The oracle card ''Hope'' is quite signification here, as it shows a hand crossing fingers to make a wish, illuminated by rays of light. I think that the very thing you're not allowing in your garden is hope. If we link that to the previous message, it's your lack of hope that make you frantically try to do things in a specific way, because you will like if you don't act NOW you will lose everything, because you lack faith that you will get this love in your own time. I don't think this hope is totally dead though otherwise you would have given up, but you don't let it blossom enough, you're stepping all over it in your awkward dance to juggle too many things at once.

The third message talks about your struggle to overcome your own limiting patterns and beliefs. I think you've been through past losses and defeats regarding love and you feel somewhat cursed regarding that area of your life. Like things are never going to get better and you're doomed to be alone forever. You feel really ashamed about this situation, thinking there must be something wrong with you. The card shows a hand floating in the emptiness, with an open eye crying. It's like, you have so much to give but in so much pain that all that flows are tears. You feel isolated and powerless and you direct that towards yourself. You feel like you're unable to see or act and that creates immense tension within yourself because you want to break free, but you're doing it wrong by resisting this transformation that needs to happen within yourself first and foremost.

How to change course?

Cards: Temperance + Reflection + Optimism Rx + Space, time and self; Ace of Swords + Anger Rx + Slow Down + 4 of Swords Rx + The Servant Queen; Yin and Yang; 10 of Wands + Knight of Cups

I think you would benefit from being more patient and let things flow more. Let things progress gradually. There is this idea that you are guided towards what you need and you need to learn to listen to this guidance more. Spend time thinking about what it means to you and develop that, find that inner balance and harmony, that gentle optimism. Things will grow in due time.

You have a tendency to be restless and this is exhausting you. So I see that one big thing you need to do as well is being mindful of your energy levels and take time to rest, cool and slow down. The clarity you need will happen naturally once the clouds have parted and you're in a better headspace. Right now you're just going round and round making dust, let it settle.

You are worthy of love, of receiving beautiful things, you need to understand and believe that. Especially when we saw that the patterns and beliefs that were holding you back where rooted in those past losses, you really need to heal that, not just for this love connection, but for your own well-being.

Really there's a strong overarching message that you need to trust your guidance more, to switch from an erratically active mindset to a more receptive and flowy one. The goal is to balance both energies, not to be one or the other exclusively.

Once you unburdened yourself, you'll be able to express and let your feelings flow without restrain. I think that's the goal for you and what you're not able to do at the moment. But I was shown what comes before that because you can't run into this with the mindset you currently have. You really need to shift it before you can embody the Knight of Cups.

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #love tarot reading #love pick a card #love pick a pile #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot

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kaisaniku · 9 months

Text

I finally finished the second chapter of this doodle comic!

Basically from a translation machine:

It's called notes, but it's really bullshit time:

(I didn't put any asterisks in the "text" in order to make the picture cleaner and not make this little comic seem too serious)

①WX says that their body "doesn't have any of those really advanced things" and that "the concept is just bionic", which might make you wonder how WX can agree with their own shortcomings when they are always been so confident in their own machine body. This is kind of a guess: WX's comments in the wiki about Wagstaff being "afraid of progress" and "short-sighted", combined with WX's usual machine-worshiping and violent tendencies, such as their comments about Maxwell "He has that kind of power but he doesn't go out and destroy human". So it's an offense to them, but they actually agree that even though they claim to be superior, I guess WX would like to see their bodies more advanced and even more radical.

② Yes, this WX has acceleration circuits installed.

③ Gnome get✓ Do you guys remember the line where WX checks the Gnome

④ "You're not as kind as you look", how should I put this one, because the Wilson I understand is more or less with a little bit of darkness in his mind, he's someone who is full of emotions but often restrains them with reason, he fears and hates the negative impulses and instincts within himself. And this trait I think probably comes from his good nature, his education and survival experiences and the influence of the Shadow Throne. (But honestly after suffering in CONSTANT for so long, it's normal for whoever it is to be a little psychologically unhinged, not to mention the SANITY setting.) And after WX's soulwalking, they easily have some "psychic empathy" with Wilson... ...... Well, how did that happen Wilson?

⑤ Well I know the reasoning of the empathy module episode is weird ...... In fact, it's mainly because when I drew this plot I didn't have a good understanding of the empathy module, and simply thought of it as something like "emotional deficiency", so this episode was supposed to be Wilson saying "why do I still feel emotional ups and downs blabla" and then WX explaining that it's because of "memories of emotional experiences", which would have made a lot more sense.

⑥I guess it's my own personal setting: although the game doesn't make a distinction, I don't think WX as a robot would have a "headache and blurred vision due to lack of sanity". The system will be affected, sure, but the physiology won't necessarily feel it. It's hard to go from luxury to frugality, and since there is no experience in the eternal realm in the human era, WX can't adapt to the negative impacts of sanity reduction at all.

⑦Wilson's curiosity and desire to explore and then equipped with WX's hardware strength is simply ON FIRE. and "adapting to the human body so quickly" this conclusion mainly comes from the last chapter when the two people just transformed the body, Wilson's side is very difficult, while the WX on the contrary, it seems to be very easy. Even when they suddenly possessed internal organs, blood, light weight and so on, there was no adverse reaction. Wilson, who loves to observe, has always had suspicions (sorry however I didn't draw this clue out)

⑧ on the one hand, just learned a shocking secret, excited and energetic Wilson, on the other hand is the history of the exposure, and is also experiencing unprecedented headache WX. so the two temperament is not quite the same as usual.

⑨ "Wiped of most of their human memories" from the game's credits: "Suddenly recalling the memories of his past life, WX-78 soon decides to change his fate on his own."

⑩ Those of you who have fought Shadow creatures online might know that the only way a teammate's Shadow creature will have hatred for you is if you've forcibly attacked them. What happened here is that WX forced an attack on Wilson's Shadow Creature (except that Wilson was still relying on his headache of empirical judgment and didn't realize that his SANITY was too low), and then WX's own shadow creatures that were looming all showed up as well, which is why it became so much more. I don't have a very comprehensive understanding of this mechanic online though, and it doesn't seem to be very rigorous, so that's probably what it is anyway.

I accidentally added a lot more, mainly because of the limited ability to express the drawing ... Hope you enjoy!

#don't starve #don't starve together #dst #wxson #dst wilson #wilson p. higgsbury #dst wx78 #wx78

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astrosilvie · 3 months

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Hello my love! Hope you’re doing well! Can you do Which ATEEZ members would MTL prefer innocent & cute or sexy & bold? Thank you in advance if you do :) - 🦋

hi lovely!! hope you're doing great too!

!i do not claim to know the boys personally, this is just observations and personal opinions!

MTL; Who prefers someone more innocent & cute or sexy & bold!

Innocent & Cute

Yunho Jongho Seonghwa Yeosang San Wooyoung Mingi Hongjoong

Sexy & Bold

*i looked at their Moon, Venus and Juno signs, but mainly went with my own opinion. also i interpreted it as someone's overall vibe.

Yunho; I don't know why, but i think he would lean more towards someone who seems more cute and gentle. His Venus in Taurus in 6th, and Libra ruling his 7th house makes me think he'd like someone who is down to earth, pretty (beauty is in the eye of the beholder!) and has a more 'feminine', bright and cute vibe.

Moon in Gemini, Venus in Taurus, Juno in Sagittarius

Jongho; I think he would enjoy someone who's more bubbly and has a great sense of humour so someone more on the cuter side. Jongho may have difficulties expressing his emotions clearly, opening up to someone might be harder for him, so i see him falling for someone who is sweet, understanding and patient with him.

Moon in Aries, Venus in Scorpio, Juno in Aquarius

Seonghwa; I think he's somewhere right in the middle. Whether the person is cute and innocent or sexy and bold, it wouldn't matter to him as long as they get along and there's that spark. As long as it's someone who is authentic, unique and tidy (which could be either cute or sexy).

Moon in Cancer, Venus in Aquarius, Juno in Virgo

Yeosang; He is also in the middle, mainly because i think when it comes to looks/fashion, he might be more attracted to the cuter and brighter style, but personality wise he'd want someone who is more bold and even extroverted. It's a mix of those two for Yeosang.

Moon in Cancer, Venus in Leo, Juno in Scorpio

San; He would also be attracted to both, it wouldn't matter for him, as long as they have a warm heart and are a kind person. His Leo Venus makes me think that maybe he'd be more drawn to someone who is a bit more sexy, his Juno in Scorpio adding to that, i think people who look mysterious but end up having the sweetest personalities catch his attention. But for him it's really 50/50.

Moon in Gemini, Venus in Leo, Juno in Scorpio

Wooyoung; He would prefer someone who is a little bit more bold and sexy in my opinion, someone he could joke around with, tease each other, flirt with each other and try and get each other flustered. He likes being degraded after all, so someone who wouldn't be scared to mess around with him in that way would attract him.

Moon in Cancer, Venus in Libra, Juno in Sagittarius

Mingi; I think in general he's more attracted to people who have a sexy vibe. He wants someone sweet and affectionate, but at the same time to have that boldness and sexiness. Idk i just remembered the video where they styled Lindsay and the outfit Mingi picked for her was much more bold and hot.

Moon in Cancer, Venus in Virgo, Juno in Scorpio

Hongjoong; Yeahh i think he is more attracted to people who have a darker, mysterious, sexy and bold vibe to them. He'd want them to be authentic, not afraid to experiment with stuff, have that depth in them that just sucks him in lol, it doesn't matter if they're feminine or masculine, it's just the general magnetic vibe that draws him in.

Moon in Gemini, Venus in Scorpio, Juno in Scorpio

#ateez #ateez fluff #ateez mtl #ateez astrology #kpop astrology #hongjoong #seonghwa #choi san #wooyoung #yeosang #mingi #yunho #jongho

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ashwhowrites · 1 year

Note

oooooh I have been saving up requests for a while for you. here's one for now, I don't want to bombard you

"I don't know what to say to that"

"then don't say anything"

eddie & reader in love but reader always tries to cut whatever tension w humor/cracking jokes bc she gets overwhelmed by how serious eddie gets when telling her all the things he loves about her & why he loves her. she (so obviously) loves him too she just doesn't know how to handle all that emotion bc she's never seen or felt love like this in her life. eddie wants to change that

you can make it gn if you're more comfortable writing it that way!!

-☀️

this is literally how my partner and I work. I am obsessed and go on rants about everything I love about them.

Small blurb of two people in love

Not proofread

Eddie Munson was a deep person, he put a lot of thought into his ideas, he took time to really understand the things around him, and his emotions showed on his face. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He was passionate about the things he loves, and the people he loves.

Of course, Eddie was hyper and chaotic, always laughing and joking around. But he could turn serious in seconds if he was fully focused on something, and Y/N loved that about her boyfriend. Except, when she was his focus point.

Y/N was not used to someone admiring her, Eddie treated her like she was royalty. He worshipped the ground she walked on and stared into her eyes whenever she spoke. Turned his body to face her during conversations, brown eyes locked on her, even if she wasn't talking to him.

He was so wrapped up in her, everything she did took his breath away and he wanted to soak in her warmth. He could lay in bed with her all day and would spend the rest of his life doing the same.

~~~

It was an early Sunday morning, Y/N was laying on Eddie's chest as he ranted about his dream. His soft fingertips softly ran up and down her arm. Halfway through his story, he got silent. Y/N looked at him confused, only to find him staring down at her with a smile.

"What?" she asked

"You have the prettiest lips you know that?" Eddie thought out loud. His head was all focused on his dream, but the sun outlined her lips and now his head was stuck on that.

"Oh shut up, continue your dream." She waved him off

"Like the perfect shape, gorgeous color, and so soft." He trailed on and on, his thumb resting on her bottom lip as she softly tugged it.

And this is what Y/N struggled with. His eyes and attention of just on her. She felt her body grow hot and nervously laughed.

"You just like what my lips can do," she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"I love that too, but that's not my main reason. I love that your lips feel like a safe place. A kiss from you just calms my body and gives my brain a second to shut off and restart." Eddie smiled, his thumb brushing her lip softly.

Y/N struggled with words, so she settled with hiding herself in Eddie's neck.

~~~

Eddie loved to draw, it was something he felt like he was good at. And his girlfriend was his perfect muse.

"And done!" Eddie stated proudly, a huge smile on his face as he cleaned off his notepad.

Y/N looked up from her homework, a smile on her face, assuming Eddie finished his math homework.

"Want me to check your answers?" She offered

"Oh.....I am not done with math." Eddie said with a nervous smile.

"Munson, we have been in this booth for an hour and what have you been doing?" She questioned, trying to sit up to look over the table.

Eddie smirked as he turned over his notepad, a proud look in his eyes as Y/N took in the drawing.

"Is...are those my eyes?" She was taken aback by how beautiful the drawing was. A collection of eyes scattered across the page, but each pair was slightly different. The eyes showed different emotions, happy, sad, and one that stood out. The eyes were so soft, warm, and so much emotion.

"Yeah, baby. This one was when you found your favorite flower at that one shop."

"Do you have a favorite flower, Munson?" Y/N asked, skimming through the flower shop. Robin's birthday was coming and Y/N decided on flowers and dinner as a gift.

"Baby, I don't know anything about flowers, maybe the yellow ones?" Eddie shrugged, looking over all the different colors.

"Many can be yellow." She laughed, shaking her head as she reached up to grab Robin sunflowers.

"What's yours?" Eddie asked, throwing his arm over her shoulder.

"Pink roses!" She said excitedly, her eyes catching a row of pink roses.

"And this was when you found that baby turtle in the middle of the street with no mom."

"EDDIE STOP!" Y/N screamed, Eddie slammed on his brakes. Panicked eyes looking over at Y/N

"what's wrong?" He asked, watching as her eyes began to water and tears ran down her face.

"That turtle! They are all alone, we need to bring them home." She said, throwing off her seatbelt and running into the middle of the street.

"BABY! WATCH FOR CARS" Eddie screamed after her, shaking his head as she scooped up the turtle. She came back with her eyes still tearful but a smile on her face.

"What's the last one?" Y/N asked, she was amazed by all the different emotions but that last one intrigued her.

She watched as Eddie blushed, his pale cheeks turning pink and his ears turning red, easy to tell since his hair was in a low bun.

"Um, that one was after we had sex for the first time." Eddie coughed out, nervously chuckling as he went to close the notepad, but she was quick to snatch it.

Holding it closer to her face as she took in the details.

"What was I looking at this time?" She asked, tracing the shading around her eyes on the page.

"You were looking at me." He admitted with a smile. "It was the day you looked at me the way I felt for you. Your eyes tell me everything about you and that night they told me you loved me."

Eddie always had a way to make Y/N at a loss for words.

"I just, I don't know what to say. I wish I could show my love for you like how you can. You know the right words and the actions. " Y/N ranted out, handing him the notepad.

"You don't have to say anything, your eyes tell me and that's enough for me," Eddie said, leaning over to kiss her, she smiled and met him halfway across the table.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson request #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff x female reader

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moonpie016 · 2 months

Text

Moon goes on a whole talking session.

*Walks in and realizes that this is becoming a frequent thing to post on here. And I'm happy about that, because I get to show what I make all the time. :]*

But now onto the drawings, and will eventually make a list on things I want to do next because that'll help me stay on track.

---

Positive stuff below the drawing.

---

It's the dudes inside my head, yay. Though they're all asleep, well two of em are. I drew this for whatever purpose it would serve, that being that my insides, while still a confused state and overall over reactive response to anything that needs rephrasing. Or just anything that happens, good, bad, whatever, that it has a way of comforting itself. It tries.

It tries to do the bare minimum of existing, even if it is tricky with having to always remember and think of more to do.

How to react appropriately, how to understand things to its full capability. How to understand others and everything more.

It's difficult, not in the way that doing things is difficult, but however that goes. These conceptualized beings of emotion have existed for some time, don't remember when but they have. But they always hadn't looked like this, obviously/lh.

But they all serve the same purpose combined or separate.

---

And, to go completely off topic, to go ramble.

Songs have whatever emotional attachment they can hold, whether important or not, it's just something that sticks. Helps.

And as you can see how much art I make, how many times I've probably listened to most of all the songs on repeat by now, what random pieces of dialogue I'll spew to write.

Chonny's music is comfort. Now it isn't just his, other artists as well. But those aren't important rn. His music in general, not just CCCC. Through whatever emotional moment months ago that made me feel lost and confused on what to do, what do I do now. I needed to find something to latch onto, if not, I'd feel..off. like I wasn't doing anything, because I wasn't doing anything. I tried to get into stuff but it wasn't working, like it needed to naturally happen instead of force myself.

The music has related to my state of mind (no pun) at certain points. And I find that comforting. Concerning? Maybe, but comforting.

Like, getting into what's popular, what new game, but that didn't work. And I'm kinda happy my brain decided to be now fixated on this man's music. Sure every time I'd like to explain or show someone, I need to specify and always show specific songs. Cus. Yeah. But now, I see people's work and stuff, and it's all so cool. And though the inconsistency of this blog is very apparent. I've enjoyed my time on here, very much. Even if I don't always actually speak to someone, because I don't really know what to say or start a conversation. (Seeds/social anxiety). I'm still happy for whatever interaction I get. I'm happy to feel included in this bizarre/pos and silly household. Idk why I'm calling it a household. Just go with it.

Even if I linger around or just post a drawing, I'm enjoying it. Some artwork may be more serious than silly. But yeah.

And to also just say whatever without rethinking is great, now I'm not going to say anything out of word. But just being silly in general with my wording. Y'know? Make odd jokes or talk excessively. (Wow).

Sum it up, I appreciate you all. Though you don't know me or I know you, it means a lot. I didn't think a joke about Heart beating up Mind would be turned into anything else, or that people would actually say anything.

This is just a happy little appreciation thing. I don't know how to end it! I just felt to write this.

So, uh yeah. :3

*Runs back into the hills*

Thanks for reading my ramble/pos.

---

#chonny jash #chonny jash fanart #chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash heart #chonny jash mind #chonny jash soul #chonny jash oc #oc #appreciation for all of you dudes #dudes in a neutral sense #yeah :3 #this'll be something when I re-read it #dancing dancing but not actually #Moon's rambles

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kaurwreck · 6 months

Note

I saw your recent headcanon bsd post and honestly you really get the characters (or you get me <3 because i fully agree with them) especially the Atsushi and Dazai one which is practically canon for me. Do you have more Atsushi and Dazai headcanon you can share? I really love it when people talk about those two

I'm so glad the Atsushi and Dazai headcanon resonated with you! I call them headcanons, but they're canon to me; it's my sandbox and I'm building sandcastles.

I don't think I'm articulate enough to adequately express my thoughts about Atsushi and Dazai's relationship, so rather than try, I'm going to share more bulleted snippets of headcanons that hopefully relay the vibes if not the substance.

Atsushi is emotionally brilliant, but has the intellect of an idiot kitten. Dazai is intellectually brilliant, but has the emotional intelligence of an idiot kitten. Nevertheless, Atsushi is NOT self-aware, in the slightest, while Dazai is excruciatingly self-aware. They would devour each other in the wild but are a bonded pair in captivity.

At least once a week, Dazai loses Atsushi at the store and then doesn't listen to the intercom when he's called.

Dazai thrusts himself into the thick of villains and conflicts because the narrative will not let him die, but he can't move it forward from there. Atsushi can and is compelled to, even, because it's the only way he'll survive.

In 55 Minutes, Atsushi indicates that maybe all skills come from elsewhere and are imposed upon us. In that way, he's drawing a parallel between skills and the cultural, societal, temporal, familial influences that construct our understanding of our existence. He's also saying that perhaps what Dazai and Kyouka have going on with their otherness and inability to control their skills is kind of what happens to all of us, just in different ways. This is why he is the protagonist. He does not see separation. He sees people and he sees the constructs and frameworks that people build around themselves, but which they can also deconstruct and rebuild. Dazai isn't convinced he's a person, but Atsushi guilelessly and unwaveringly looks at him and sees a person anyway. He has that effect on others; he did the same thing to Kyouka, and Lucy, and Akutagawa, and even Ango when Ango aimed a gun at Kyouka and Lucy. Worse yet, they see reflections of their personhood in his eyes. It's intoxicating, and enlivening, and frustrating, and terrifyingly vulnerable. Dazai experiences it as absolution. Atsushi experiences it as obvious.

Dazai tries to give Atsushi shaken baby syndrome when Atsushi annoys him, even though Yosano keeps telling him that Atsushi's too old.

Chuuya and Atsushi unabashedly want to love and be loved, it's second nature to them, albeit in different ways. But Akutagawa and Dazai convinced themselves they were perfectly fine not loving and never being loved; up until they met someone who everyone loves, which is so, horribly vexing to them because they're so different and unique and no one understands them and yet here they are, vying for the attention of someone who seems to know something they don't. So, they cope by loving those they love in ways no one else does. Which is to say: like freaks.

Dazai gets involved with Atsushi and Akutagawa not just because they need mentorship or for Atsushi. He's there in solidarity with Akutagawa. Dazai is there because he needs someone who understands the reality of the idiot situation that they got themselves into because they're idiots. Dazai and Akutagawa were both supposed to die young and in abject misery. And yet here they are. Being yanked around by objectively unreasonable people who seem to think they know better. Worse, Dazai knows that he and Akutagawa want to believe them.

Atsushi and Dazai are cat-coded, when the others run it activates their predator instincts.

dazai is so afraid of feeling; he doesn't think you can survive emotion, he thinks emotions exist to trick you or destroy you and that others' expressions of emotions are disingenuous or naive; emotions burn him terribly and he can't imagine it's any different for everyone else. and if it is, then that just further evidences that he's not human after all, that he wasn't built to survive in a world that hurts him so terribly. it's why he's so certain kunikida is going to get swallowed by his ideals. it's why he raised akutagawa in pain and neglect and why he was so disgusted by akutagawa's lack of emotional control. it's why he can't hold onto chuuya for longer than it takes chuuya to fall asleep after corruption. it's why he slapped atsushi and demanded disassociation from him when atsushi started to panic about what he'd done to naomi and haruno. but fyodor is what it looks like when you succumb to that, and chuuya and atsushi and oda are what it looks like when you don't, and as much as dazai thinks he's capable of loving anyone, he loves atsushi and chuuya and oda, all of whom grappled with their own humanity and then elected to be human anyway. and as much as he thinks the others are deluding themselves, and as much as he still believes he's right about humanity's insincerity and insipidity, and since oda asked him just before dying over his own fruitless emotions anyway (although it began before oda asked), dazai has decided he would rather fiercely protect the outcasts who refuse to see their own futility than exert any energy proving himself correct. and if he can bully a reflection of himself in the process thereof, then all the better.

Dazai lies and claims Atsushi is his son for Father's Day discounts. It's so obviously untrue and outlandish that store clerks are too distressed by his thick face to call him out and so he gets away with it. Atsushi plays along because he wants the discounts too.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd headcanons #sskk #skk #shin soukoku #soukoku

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randomkduck · 15 days

Text

Catdow revival au chapter 1: A short chapter where Shadow wakes up and meets Red.

Note: This hops in and out of 3rd and 1st person pov for Shadow, generally whichever was easier to write the part in. Not sure if it’s disorienting, sorry if it is!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Everything felt fuzzy, and numb. Like I was floating in the air but laying down on the floor but dunked into a pool of water but laying with my body pressed in between two people but.... it was a feeling I just couldn't put a real name to but could put too many names to and thinking too hard on it made my head hurt, so I stopped.

I don't really remember what it was like before I was given sentience, but I don't think it felt quite like this.

It didn't help that I picked up bits of sound, and emotion, and sights that just... weren't heard, felt, or seen by me. Like I was glimpsing into someone else's life.

I felt tired and wide awake at the same time. It was exhausting.

It felt like I had done just good enough to not be, I don't know, sent to wherever hylians think bad people go. But did too much bad stuff to go anywhere nice. So now I was just stuck... wherever I was. Probably in Link's shadow.

Being in Link's shadow sucked. It was really boring and ugh.

Until it wasn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shadow woke up curled in on his side. Body feeling all too heavy and light at the same time, mind feeling fuzzy. He lifted his head, the fuzziness turning into dizziness, and forcing him to lay back down.

He layed there like that for a little while, lifting his head every once and awhile to make sure he was still safe where he was.

He slowly pieced together part of what was going on. For one, he was alive when he was fairly curtain he shouldn’t be, for two he was in an alley somewhere in… possibly castle town? He hadn’t seen the place much from the skies as he razed it, but he had a vague idea of what it looked like from watching Link through the dark mirror before tricking him into drawing the four sword. And for three; he was currently in the body of a cat.

It wasn’t too weird for him, though it was surprising. He could shapeshift at will, and he was pretty sure that applied to animals as well, though he hadn’t really tried it. This kinda just confirmed he could.

Besides, it would be easier to move around without being spotted or identified by people this way. He could figure out why he was even back in the first place.

Stretching his limbs and forcing himself up, Shadow took a few tentative steps out of his hiding spot into the rest of the alley.

Only to immediately be met with a very familiar gasp from someone nearby.

He jumped and looked over.

Well shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What? Already?? And Why did it have to be him???

Red looked at me from the bright lights of the city street, eyes shining like he had just spotted the best thing ever.

Oh wait, I'm a cat. Hylians love cats.

Oh no.

I start backing up, hoping I can pretend he didn’t see me, and he’ll get the hint and leave me alone.

No such luck.

Red entered the alley, probably not wanting to scare me off, and crouched down just within eyesight. Extending his hand slowly, there was a sent wafting from it.

“Hey there little guy! I don’t wanna hurt you. Do you want a treat?” He said in a soft tone, smiling like he was speaking to a child. Shadow hated it, but his ears did perk up at the word ‘treat’.

I could feel my rumble weirdly, kinda like a hylian’s would when hungry, but quieter.

Well that was new.

I mean, what harm was there in a small snack? Besides, it was Red The day he hurt an animal on purpose was the day that pigs flew.

…

Not including Ganon.

Alright fine, I’ll give the treat thing a shot.

~~~~~~~~~

He moved forward slowly, fairly curtain cats don’t just openly trust a person giving them treats. Even if he did know Red pretty well, Red didn’t know that, so why would he act like they’ve been friends forever?

He sniffed at whatever was in Red’s hand. It smelled nice, like a sweet from a bakery. Glancing at his other hand, Red had a basket that he had set down (but still had his hand on) to give Shadow his full attention, and sitting on top was a cinnamon roll with a piece torn off from it.

Huh. How nice of him. It looked like Shadow got the first bite!

He nibbled on the baked good, but noticed Red move his hand away from the basket out of the corner of his eye.

“Don’t you dare.” He growled, though it came out as a low ‘rrrrrrrrrrhh’.

Red’s and froze, and his hand went back to resting on the basket.

He seemed to be barely containing his excitement that Shadow (or in Red’s point of view, the adorable pretty floofy baby) was giving him the time of day despite clearly not trusting him.

Once the treat was done, Shadow sat down. Not really sure where to go from here.

Now what?

Red turned his rand over so that his knuckles were facing Shadow, and let his hand sit there in the air. He wasn’t really sure what the boy was doing, tilting his head in confusion.

Red made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a choking sound. Shadow looked up at him in confusion and mild concern, what kind of sound was that?

The crimson clad hero’s eyes were wide and bright, his basket hand (right hand) now over his mouth like he was trying to contain that odd sound that had come out of him. He looked like this whole event had made his week.

Eh, what the heck. Shadow did what he saw some cats do and rubbed his face on Red’s still outstretched hand, absolutely revelling in the funny sound of pure joy that escaped the other’s mouth.

“Uh Red, what are you doing?” A voice broke the moment, a voice that he really didn’t want to hear right now, an annoying voice. Blue stood at the entrance of the Alley.

Welp! Treat time with Red is over! Shadow thought as he jumped up and bolted away.

He didn’t at all whatsoever feel even the smidgest feel bad at the sound of disappointment Red made. Though he didn’t really have to as Red turned and chastised Blue for ‘scaring the pretty fluffy cat away when we were in the middle of becoming friends’.

Blue did look like he felt bad, but mostly just looked confused and mildly offended.

It was a funny look on him.

#four swords #shadow link #blue link #red link #cat shadow revival au

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yukidragon · 3 months

Note

I wonder if Barbie was a singer and a performer in the AU, would the story go differently or the same? Would Bo be Barbie's "biggest fan" aka the classic crazy obsessed fan?

I assume you mean in the Mafia AU? That would be an intriguing alternative to their story. Of course, the life of a singer and performer is a busy one, which would probably be too much for Barbie to juggle with her crusade against the Blouin family to free her big sister from being contracted to them.

But hey, I made variants of AUs before, and the initial idea did come before I fleshed out more about the King family, and it does seem a shame to not involve them with the fun of living in St. Valen's... Why don't I explore a version of the story where they have a little family run business of their own in this city of sin and vice?

Content Warnings: This AU talks about dark subject matter like criminal violence, human trafficking, emotional abuse, child abuse, weaponized religion, cults, religious trauma, childhood trauma, excessive drinking, drug usage, yandere obsession, and of course sex. Chances are one or more of these topics will pop up as I ramble on. I'll try not to be terribly graphic when these subjects appear... unless I get inspired by some self-indulgent OTP smut ideas.

I might also use some artwork drawn by the awesome Sauce to illustrate a point or two, so I'm going to do a quick plug for the SnaccPop Patreon. Signing up not only gives you access to a lot of special works of art and audio dramas, but you'll be supporting the team. They deserve lots of love for working so hard on Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, DachaBo, and Aphrodesia. This AU that blends the three together wouldn't be possible without them.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

With all that out of the way, let's play with some slightly different circumstances for Bo to meet his puppy in this crime-ridden universe, and Jack to get a little bit of sunshine in his life.

Not too much will change on Jack and Bo's end in this variant of the AU. I love the idea of Jack suffering from a form of haphephobia too much to drop it, but the way he'll be touched by sunshine for the first time will be a bit different.

The Royal Garden

The King family set up shop in the City of St. Valen's as a literal mom and pop joint known as the Royal Garden. Mama Lycoris has an eye for cultivating talent, and her beautiful husband is a well known singer with many years of experience. Together they set up a rather well to do entertainment venue that draws in a lot of up and coming talent in the area.

Of course, being the crime-riddled city of St. Valen's, they needed to occasionally get rough with the local thugs that tried to shake the business down for money. Lycoris might not be part of any mafia organization, but she knows how to take care of trouble and how to get rid of a body if necessary. You wouldn't think she was so formidable from her small stature and warm, motherly aura, so she catches people off guard when they try something funny with her. She makes sure the security in the garden is second to none, so nothing will happen to her family, anyone who works their, or her customers while they're on the premises.

For the most part, the talent at the club comes from the family. Since the Royal Garden opened, the star of the show has always been its lead singer, Ambrose King, who as given the nickname the White Rose of the Royal Garden. He's also been called the White King or the White Queen. He was very well known for his beauty and singing talent long before they ever met Lycoris, and he's unintentionally stolen many a heart over the years. Still, no matter how many people look their way, his heart belongs to his beloved wife.

On that note, I'd like to proudly proclaim that I finally gave Papa King a name - Ambrose! It felt very fitting to me after I decided that Lycoris insisted that all their children have the middle name of "Rose" in honor of their love story. She, being a flower lover, plucked the "rose" from his name and that flower has been the symbol of her love for them ever since.

I also gave Ambrose a bit of a makeover in picrew since I don't think the dadwear cardigan look he sports in the regular continuity would fit an alluring club singer living in a city full of sin and vice. I couldn't get the look exactly how I wanted, but here's something a little bit closer to the sultry look he might sport in this AU.

Alas, picrews are a bit limited when trying to capture the Aphrodesia style. Maybe someday I'll be able to draw Ambrose in a proper sexy outfit fit for this sort of setting. There are many people who have fallen for this beautiful singer.

Of course, since Papa King has gotten a bit of a picrew makeover for this AU, I should do the same thing for Mama King.

Whether she's called the Red Queen of the Royal Garden or its gardener, Lycoris runs the show, both figuratively and literally. Sadly, with the limitations of picrew I can't show her as dolled up and decked out in jewelry as I'd like, but she's a very classy dame.

While I'm at it, I think I'll see if I can get picrew to makeover for the three oldest siblings to be a bit more fitting for this AU. I know I already drew Alice in this AU, but with her backstory changed, she's going to have quite a different appearance. She can't perform on stage wearing second-hand clothes from a thrift store after all. Fortunately for her, there's no need for her to wear a Phantom of the Opera mask in this version of the AU.

Again picrew limitations confound me, but I think this gives a good gist of how this version of Alice fared a bit better than her sniper counterpart in this sort of setting. Just imagine this dress being a lot more glittery all over with some more jewelry accents, perfect for putting on a show.

Alice has grown up on the stage. Though she did face some bullying due to her weight while growing up, and even today she'll receive the occasional awful comment, as she does in the regular continuity and virtually every AU, the praise she received for performances since she was a child helped boost her confidence. She's a wonderful singer, just like her papa, and she's also surprisingly light on her feet, having been a dancer on stage before she started singing.

Despite the family business, Alice and her siblings were never pushed to perform if they didn't want to. It was always their choice on what they wanted for their own futures. Alice was always enamored by how magical and sparkly her father and the other performers were on the stage.

Even in this AU, Alice had issues with being nonverbal when she was very young. It took her a while to overcome those issues, even with therapy and using a puppet like Honey Bunny to help her find her voice. What helped her find her voice was the encouragement of her family, especially her younger siblings, who also have a talent for singing.

The Royal Garden is a very classy club that has two faces. During the day it's a fine dining experience with live entertainment that is suitable for all ages, though it caters to an adult clientele. The atmosphere is chill, pleasantly lit, and relaxing a place to stop and unwind for breakfast, lunch, or an early dinner.

Once night falls, the club is exclusively for the adult crowd, with neon lights, an open dance floor, a wide array of alcoholic beverages to partake, and acts that can get rather suggestive. Of course, the more racy acts are clearly labeled and scheduled so customers can choose to opt in or not on watching a far more adult show. The vibe of these acts is of sophisticated seductive elegance.

When the King kids were old enough to handle performing before a crowd, it was only to the daytime side of the club until they became adults. They all learned quickly that sneaking out to get a peek at the club at night was a bad idea and brought major punishments with it. Adults only means adults only!

Initially, Alice and Barbie were a duet, but over time they became solo acts in their own right. It was duetting with Barbie that helped Alice open up and enjoy singing on stage. Alice preferred to stick with performing in the day club, but Barbie switched to nights as soon as she was of drinking age and got permission from their parents.

Sadly the picrew that I used for Barbie doesn't have much in the way of jewelry or sparkly club outfits, but at least it can help convey that she cares a bit more about her appearance in this universe.

Both girls, as you can see, have slightly different hairstyles from normal. Alice has allowed her hair to grow much longer, and she often has it styled in fancy ways for her shows. Barbie stuck with the same short length, but gave her hair a blue-fade much like how her heterochromia fades from brown to blue. The dye intentionally matches her eye color.

Despite knowing how to play to a crowd, Barbie is still very much a misanthrope. She just learned how much fun it was to toy with people while on the stage. She can entice the crowd, tease and titillate with suggestive looks and moves that have given many a patron the wrong impression. Fortunately, security is there to remind the patrons that they can look and listen, but they can't touch. She gets a kick out of taunting people with something that they can never have and how desperately she can make her audience lust after her in vain.

Many a poor soul has tried to shoot their shot with the King siblings, but Lycoris is a very protective mama bear in this crime-riddled city. She strictly enforced stranger danger into her children and made sure they knew how to defend themselves both unarmed and with a gun. Among the security at the club are trusted bodyguards whose job it is to keep the King family safe.

The Kings are pretty well off in this universe. The Royal Garden caters to a pretty wealthy clientele, being a very upscale club during the day or night. There's a pretty hefty cover charge at the door, especially at night. Of course, the money patrons spend at the club tends to be from questionable places, but what person isn't dealing with dirty money even indirectly in the city of St. Valen's? Lycoris and Ambrose have certainly participated in a shady deal or two in their time, regardless of their feelings about it.

What happens in the VIP rooms, stays in the VIP rooms.

It's fortunate that Barbie has no inclination to date, especially not any of her lustful fans, or the overprotectiveness of her parents might be suffocating. Of course, things are going to change for her in ways she never expected in the future.

That overprotectiveness certainly got in the way of Alice and Ian getting closer romantically, or at least it didn't help the issues that got between them. Though more on him and his rocky relationship with Alice later, since I want to get through the rest of the King family first, and Ian deserves to have his new background fleshed out a bit as well.

While I didn't originally intend to use Elias at all in this AU, it'd be a shame to leave Coraline out, or for her to never meet her ghostly groom. I might save him for another post though, as I'm still considering what background would best suit him in this AU. I can stay that he'll be a fair bit more corporeal like Jack gets to be.

Really, when I think about Elias and his family, they'd probably fit right in to a criminal-infested city. Probably a family-run business with shady dealings and sleazy connections that Elias is trying in vain to clean up despite his chronic illness and the way his family treats him.

I can't help but think back to the conversation MC has with Elias in the game, where he laments his health problems and asks if medicine has advanced enough since his death that a cure was found. Multiple Sclerosis' symptoms can be managed with modern medicine, so he wouldn't be bedridden in this AU.

Now that gives me an image of Elias in a spiffy modern-ish suit with a cane looking dignified as he comes to see Coraline perform at the club. Maybe he'll look something like this dashing picture Shroomaz over on twitter drew.

It's kind of romantic to think about, with Elias managing to visit the Royal Garden during one of Coraline's rare performances. At first he felt kinship when he heard of her suffering from an incurable chronic illness like he does, yet she, like him, tries to live life. From there, he can't help but fall in love. It's as if fate drew them together.

Oh, and on that note, use this picrew to give Coraline a pretty outfit to perform in.

Coraline's acts are a rarity at the Royal Garden due to her poor health. Her specialty is more somber songs that speak of loss, heartache, and death, which never fails to move members of her audience. Though she does occasionally switch it up with much more silly yet still very morbid songs, which can be a bit of mood whiplash. She's earned the nickname of the Mourning Glory of the Royal Garden for her tendency to dress in black and choose such dark topics to sing about. This preference, plus her odd hours, means she exclusively performs during the nighttime hours. Still, she has very devoted fans, and one gentleman in particular never misses a single show.

Unlike Alice and Barbie, Coraline didn't perform when she was a child, though she did inherit Ambrose's talent for singing as well. It was only when her health became relatively more stable in her adulthood that she was able to sing before a crowd. She did practice with her siblings when they were younger, however.

Speaking of siblings, I shall now unveil the fourth King child thanks to this picrew. I've been toying with this character off and on for a while, including whether I should stop at 3 siblings. Still, this stubborn 18-year-old persisted and insisted on expanding the roster. May I present you with the dazzling Jem Rose King!

Jem would like to inform you that they are just as fabulous in the regular continuity as they are in the Mafia AU. They have an eye for fashion and love experimenting with their style.

Fun fact for this AU and the regular continuity - Jem coming out to their family and explaining what it meant to be non-binary and their feelings on their identity were what helped Ambrose realize that his gender was a little more fluid than they realized as well. Though still masc-leaning, Ambrose uses he/him and they/them pronouns interchangeably.

Another fun fact: Unlike their older sisters, Jem doesn't have a love interest from any current or future SnaccPop game. The love interests for SnaccPop average around mid-twenties, and if I choose to ship them with anyone, I would prefer it be someone a bit closer to their age.

That won't stop Jem from having fun though. They're quite the mischief maker, often playing pranks on their siblings and friends. I won't go too deep into regular continuity Jem here, as that's best saved for another post, but in the Mafia AU, they also perform during the daytime hours of the club like Alice. They would prefer to join Barbie and Coraline in the night side of things, but Lycoris is insisting that they wait until they reach drinking age. Jem finds their mom's overprotectiveness quite frustrating at times, especially since they're finally a legal adult, and the two of them occasionally get into arguments over it.

Still, Jem has their ways of getting info about the juicier things happening at the Royal Garden, and in the city of St. Valen's as a whole. Aside from their obvious family connections, they're very social, making friends easily with the non-family talent, regular patrons, and their peers. They learned quite a lot from watching Lycoris over the years and might be better suited for the business side of things rather than the stage. However, they just can't give up the allure of the spotlight and all eyes watching them shine.

Jem being a bit reckless worries her family at times, especially Alice. The oldest child has to watch out for the younger ones after all, which makes Alice feel responsible for the safety of all her younger siblings. Jem was the one most often caught sneaking into the nightclub while they were children despite Alice's best efforts to be the responsible one and curb such mischief from her siblings.

I haven't fleshed out the remaining siblings quite yet, though I am still inclined for there to be 7 of them in total. I'm letting the ideas develop slowly over time, as that usually makes them fit in quite naturally into the stories like Barbie, Coraline, and now Jem. It's also possible that I might eventually choose to stop at 4 siblings total. Regardless, I'm going to let these ideas simmer on the stove a bit more as I develop the family's story.

Religion in a City of Sin

As one might expect, it's not easy to raise a family in a city that is rife with crime. It can lead parents to potentially become overbearing and overprotective, especially if they've experienced hardship.

Lycoris and Ambrose are more prone to jumping the gun when it comes to their children's safety in this AU compared to the regular continuity, especially Lycoris. They're not the only parents who are overprotective, as Ian's mother is even more of a helicopter mom.

Ian's mother is deeply religious, as we've seen in the afterlife story. She is so obsessed with things being sinful that she's emotionally abused Ian, leaving him questioning whether his perfectly healthy feelings and urges are sinful. She will send her flying monkeys after him if he tries to leave her. And this is in the normal setting, just an average town in the USA, not a mafia setting where crime and violence is a lot more visible all around them.

Given that Aphrodesia has a bit of a religious undertone to it, what with cherubs, angels, priests, etc. I think that Ian's mom would fit the role of the hypocritical religious figure that is trying to seize control in the city of sin under the justification of having the moral "right" to do so, even if that means hurting others for the sake of her faith. It might be a role similar to Vaticus Arch, in a way - a shepherd overlooking a flock of faithful devotees. She certainly has a way of influencing others if she's able to send people to go after Ian in the regular continuity.

Admittedly, I still know very little about the lore behind the angels, cherubs/etc. of Aphrodesia, so I probably shouldn't tie her too deeply into this aspect, or at least not go too deep into that part of the lore. I mean, imagine Ian's mother as an angel with wings like Vaticus. That'd make her feel even more justified in weaponizing her faith against others.

Of course I say that, and now I'm imagining Ian with angel wings and how much pressure those wings and his mother's faith would put on him, especially in a city filled with sin.

I mean, in this AU we still have people with supernatural traits to them. If Bo can be part dog with special abilities, and Jack can have natural blue hair, then perhaps Ian could have angel wings.

Credit as always goes to the awesome Sauce for inspiring me and many others with this AU.

Aw heck with it, let's give Ian a pair of angel wings. Is he a descendent of angels? His mother insists that's the case. It's a mystery if she's lying about that, deluding herself, or telling some twisted version of the truth. The Duff family is divine and holy, as these wings prove, according to her.

Religion has been beaten into Ian's head since he was born, as was subservience to his mother, who wants control over every aspect of his life. Unfortunately, since she has more power and more followers in this AU, it's harder for Ian to escape her clutches or conditioning. Her influence as a mother and religious leader would be even stronger too with angel wings giving her this air of heavenly importance and divine righteousness.

This made things difficult for Ian to make friends. His mother was very watchful of everything he did and thought. In fact, the only time Ian really got a break was when he was attending Catholic school. Sure, the teachers there could be strict, but it was far less suffocating than his mother's clutches. As long as he didn't get into trouble and did his homework properly, he could actually enjoy something close to a normal childhood thanks to his school.

The King family isn't very religious, but the private school was a secure place with a good reputation, which was a must in a city filled with crime. A school with security detail was a must to protect their children.

Much like in regular continuity, Alice and Ian met at school when they were very young. Alice had a lot more experience with performing, showmanship, and taking charge in the Mafia AU, while Ian was even more of a wallflower. He was his mother and God's obedient follower, taught to do as he was told and to police even his own thoughts. Alice took him under her wing, and they became friends, with Ian following her lead most of the time.

Interestingly enough, Ian probably would be more popular in a religious school with angel wings than he would be in the regular continuity. Or at least he'd get more attention, though whether or not that's a good thing is up for debate. Kids can choose anything as a reason to bully someone, especially if they're someone meek who has already been conditioned to take abuse.

I can imagine overall the bullying Alice and Ian faced at school was less in this AU compared to regular continuity. Ian's wings and being a pastor's son would give him a mixture of admiration and resentment. Alice would be more prepared to fight back despite her kind nature when it was drilled into her since she could talk how dangerous the city can be. She wasn't afraid to stand up to anyone who bullied Ian either.

Unfortunately, it was difficult for the pair to hang out after school. Ian was afraid that his mother would forbid him from seeing Alice if she knew that they were friends. Alice didn't make it a secret that her family owned one of the most popular clubs in the city, and that was one of many, many places that his mother deemed as a den of sin, full of harlots and demons addicted to drugs.

Ian did worry about Alice living in that sort of place. Being a child so controlled by his mother, he did believe much of what his mother told him. Some cults even go as far as to teach their kids to proselytize the religion and convert their peers into believers, otherwise they can't play with them. Ian did try to do what his mother wanted, but he was always too shy to pull off converting anyone to his mother's brand of faith. Every time he mustered up the courage to try with Alice, she would shut down the topic and switch to something else so they could just enjoy playing like normal children instead.

It wasn't easy for Ian to sneak away from his mother's watchful eye outside of school, but he did manage to visit the Royal Garden a number of times over the years. He only ever saw the club during the day, bright and clean, totally the opposite of what he was supposed to expect of such a place. There were no drugs, no sex, nothing untoward, just delicious food, a comfortable atmosphere, and entertainment.

It did leave Ian questioning his mom's teachings in spite of his indoctrination. He tried not to think too hard about it because such doubts were "sinful," but his friendship with Alice and her family helped expand his world.

For a place supposedly made for sin, the Royal Garden felt far more welcoming and relaxing than his own home. Ian especially adored the shows that performed at there. It was amazing! There were singers, musicians, magicians, actors, dancers, and all sorts of performances that rotated through day after day. It enchanted him, and the way all eyes looked at the performers with admiration, but not that crazed desperate zeal like at home or the church... it made him envious in spite of himself.

It was on a day when Alice performed while Ian was there that he fell in love with her. She always shone brightly to him, being his hero at school against all the bullies, but on the stage she was truly a star. Her voice was magical, and he was spellbound.

Lycoris and Ambrose were warm and welcoming to their children's friends, but also wary behind their smiles. They were aware of Ian's mother and the cult she was steadily growing. Granted, her group were no worse than some of the other patrons that visited on the regular, but the pair were cautious with whoever their children interacted with.

Still... Ian's meek, beaten down personality did win the hearts of the King family. He was like a wounded puppy left out in the rain. Lycoris and Ambrose helped in what ways they could, giving Ian an open invitation to the day club to allow him a reprieve from his overbearing mother for a while.

Unfortunately, dating was something of an issue. Ian couldn't go out on a date publicly, not even to a school dance, unless it was with someone his mother approved of. With her strict criteria, such a person probably didn't even exist. Alice was someone his mother would never approve of, especially if his mother knew that Alice also performed at the club. It's guilty until proven innocent in his mother's eyes, and only she defines what is pure and innocent in her world.

As we've seen from afterlife mode, Ian was taught by his mother that lustful thoughts are sinful. No doubt this got especially ground into him when he hit puberty, and doubly so when she realized that he was close to someone. Hell, she might have even realized Ian had a crush on MC and that fueled her manipulation.

Naturally, in this sort of setting where Ian's mother is even more controlling and oppressive with her religious teachings, with a following of people fueling her power trip, if she caught wind that her son had a crush on someone, she's going to start beating that bible over his head harder than ever. It doesn't matter if he's a child in puppy love who innocently thinks that couples kiss and nothing more. Such desires are still sinful in her eyes.

Given how little Ian's mother cares about his boundaries, his privacy is virtually nonexistent. Once her boy hits puberty, she's prying into his relationships, who his friends are, and who is tempting her boy to sin. When she identifies Alice as Ian's friend and figures out who the King family is... well, she's not going to approve, to say the least.

Man, imagine if Ian crushed on a MC who was tied to a crime family, and maybe even actively participated in criminal activities. His mother's head would probably explode!

As it is, a club like the Royal Garden is a den of sin, and it's up to the truly faithful to save those lost lambs from sin, according to his mother and her congregation. The Kings aren't necessarily outside the realm of being saved, and perhaps their popularity could be useful to bring more wayward souls to the church if they could be properly converted.

Ian is pressured even harder to proselytize to anyone whose faith is weak in his mother's eyes, especially Alice and her family. Clearly the catholic school wasn't as good as she believed it was if it was allowing non-believers to remain unfaithful even within its halls. His mother used her connections to the school and its church to put a more watchful eye over Ian, stripping away more of what little freedom he had by pushing the teachers to be stricter with him too.

It would be tragic if Ian never fully escaped his mother's grasp in this universe, his thoughts only growing more warped by her teachings as he grew older. He could even serve as an interesting antagonist to criminals like Jack. Still, not without hope of breaking free of his mother's chains.

The relationship between Ian and Alice became more strained the older they got. He was pressured more and more to not think "sinful" thoughts and to make sure he only surrounded himself with those who were truly faithful. Being with Alice created a complicated push and pull in his mind, as her friendship was important to him, too important for him to let go of, but he felt guilty for his feelings towards her and for being friends with someone who didn't share his faith.

The potential push and pull could be even more complicated and twisted if MC was intentionally trying to tempt and "corrupt" Ian. Not to get too lost in the weeds here of different MC possibilities, but I can see this being an opportunity for some MCs to have a very spicy antagonistic enemies who are lovers relationship that leads Ian to feel guilty afterwards, but also lustful and loving on MC.

Alice had strong feelings for Ian that she hadn't quite realized had crossed the line from friendship into crush. Unfortunately, things would never develop to allow her to realize or act on these feelings. She can only open up to someone romantically if she feels like she can trust that person. It doesn't help that her overprotective parents steer her away from dating, especially someone who is as troubled as Ian is.

Still, Alice sympathizes that Ian is in a bad situation with a toxic home life, even if he couldn't accept that as the truth due to the conditioning from his mother that his life is "good." Alice wanted to help him as much as she could, even though their friendship was very stressful on her. She couldn't bring herself to just give up on a friend.

Unfortunately for Ian's mother, Alice wasn't going to convert to the faith. On Ian's urging, Alice did attend church with him once, to give it a chance for his sake, but she was incredibly uncomfortable the entire time. The teachings of brimstone and damnation, the urging to confess sins, and the oppressive atmosphere were bad enough, but his mother made a spectacle of her in a way that was very unlike the stage shows. It was with the intent to pressure her to convert, to be baptized and accept their teachings in front of an entire congregation of devout followers. It was a pretty scary experience for a young teen.

Fortunately for Alice, Lycoris wasn't about to let her daughter go there alone or let her daughter be pressured into joining any cult. Both mothers clashed in the middle of the church with verbal barbs. Ian's mother veiled her attacks beneath a righteous air of saving ignorant sinners from salvation. Lycoris was civil at first, but soon was direct with her disdain for the pastor, throwing many choice words with very colorful language before ending the interaction by calling Ian's mother a psycho bitch as she took Alice home despite the pressure from the congregation.

Depending on how zealous the church is in St. Valens, things might have escalated beyond words in some way. I'll have to look more into Aphrodesia's lore on this point to get more ideas on how to go deeper. Regardless, the congregation was certainly not on Lycoris or Alice's side, and the entire situation was very hostile.

Needless to say, this incident didn't earn Alice any points with Ian's mother.

In the regular continuity, the relationship between Lycoris and Ian's mother is civil enough, though with the occasional subtle snipe. In the Mafia AU, it became openly antagonistic from that incident onward.

Ian's mother felt that she had been humiliated in front of her congregation. Even though she spun it as entirely the fault of the "sinners they tried to save," it was a blow to her ego. She would make it a habit to harass the King family and the Royal Garden whenever possible, most often by having devotees try to redirect potential customers to the church instead of the club. Of course, the Kings won't just take this interference lightly and chase away these nut jobs whenever they show their mouthy faces.

After that, Ian was forbidden from being friends with Alice until she was a true believer in their faith, just like him. His mother's tighter control over Ian prevented him from ever acting on his romantic feelings in this AU, even feeling guilty for having them. Ian is still struggling with following his heart and his mother's teachings at the same time, even though they conflict with one another. Alice's compassion in reaching out to help him has led to her getting burned more than once, with Ian constantly apologizing both to her and his mother for never doing anything right.

Now as adults, Ian has a bit more freedom, but only because he's shown himself to be a devout follower of his mother. It leads to some pretty unpleasant confrontations between him and the "sinners" of St. Valen's.

Man, I did not realize I would go on such a long tangent about Ian's backstory in this version of the AU. Shows where rambling takes me, huh? Hahahaha. Anyway, let's move on to the next character shall we?

Cat Papa and Baby

I mentioned way back in the initial AU ramble that I imagined Shaun as the owner of a cat-themed night club. I considered changing it in this variant of the AU, as it might be redundant, but then I realized that it'd be interesting that he's in charge of a rival business. This one is purely a nightclub, with raves, a goth theme, and very sexy acts. There are stripper shows and other type of spicy things that make it exclusively an adults only club.

I will change the idea that it was a family-run business though. Shaun created it all himself from the ground up, though he did inherit money that he used to get the business started from his late parents. His very religious uncle Abraham greatly disapproves of Shaun's line of work in this universe as well, and often claims his parents are rolling in their graves because of it.

Shaun hates that he's at odds with his uncle. Fortunately he has friends like Olivia to support him. He also has his baby girl Moon Pie who is just a little less fuzzy in this universe.

Yup, I had to use this absolutely adorable human version of Moon Pie that Sauce drew in this AU. Bo gets to have his fuzzy ears and tail outside of a computer screen, so Moon Pie gets to have opposable thumbs and can talk to her papa.

I imagine her adoption was something entirely accidental. Moon Pie was an orphan just surviving on the streets, when she ran into Shaun. Shaun, of course, couldn't just leave this blind little baby to fend for herself all alone in such a cruel city. They came across one another not too long after Shaun lost his parents to gang violence, and it seemed Moon Pie lost her parents in a similarly sudden and violent manner. It was a shared pain they bonded over, which eventually led to them forming their own family.

Moon Pie doesn't talk much about her past before meeting Shaun, as she was fairly young when he found her and a lot of those memories were suppressed. Initially a shy and uncertain child, she grew more confident and flourished under Shaun's care. When she called him papa, his heart melted, and he realized that this little girl would now and forever always have him wrapped around her little finger. He's the proudest papa in the world if you ask him, and he brags about his little baby every chance he gets.

Like Bo, Moon Pie is the result of scientific experiments mixing human and animal DNA to make obedient "pets" of sort to work for some pretty heinous criminals. It's unknown if she escaped the lab with the help of her bio-parents, if she was born after they escaped, or some other similarly dark scenario. In a way, it's a good thing that Moon Pie doesn't remember much.

Moon Pie's senses are exceptional, save for her eyes. She's not completely blind, as she can detect some light, but for the most part the world is as gray and fuzzy as the fur on her adorable ears and tail. She is surprisingly good at handling the world around her thanks to her other finely tuned senses, though she is pretty sensitive around exceptionally strong sounds and smells. More than once she's expressed her displeasure at her papa smelling weird after a night out at the club.

Of course, Moon Pie knows next to nothing about what goes on at the club, just that her papa has to go out most nights to work. She has a very nice nanny to watch her during those nights, and Shaun makes sure she's happy, healthy, and even a little bit spoiled by his doting on her.

Shaun loves Moon Pie more than anyone else in the world, and if anyone hurt her he would make them pay. He loves her so much that when thinking of names for his club, he was inspired by her and how much her presence brightened up his life. The Blind Feline seemed to be a purrfect tribute to his love for his daughter, even if she's way too young to ever set one paw in the place.

Admittedly, I might wind up changing the name of the club if I come up with something I like better, but there's no way it isn't cat themed. Also, I really like the idea that Moon Pie helped Shaun choose and/or inspired the name in some way.

Anyway, before Shaun started the club or adopted Moon Pie, he went to various clubs around the city to get a sense of what he needed to start his own club. He even worked at a couple of them. Really, he's been going to clubs since he was a teenager because he loves the vibes and the fun he has. He's been to the Royal Garden both during the day and the night, and although he prefers the night time action, he did wind up making a friend in the day club.

Shaun got a job at the Royal Garden for a short stint, not as an entertainer but doing various jobs ranging from clean up to serving meals. This allowed him to interact with the entertainers and make some connections that he hoped would entice them to do shows at his club when he finally set it up.

In the process of this, Shaun and Alice got to interact. They hit it off right away and became good friends, with Shaun soon developing a crush on Alice. Watching her perform in a gorgeous outfit with a beautiful singing voice left him smitten. He did admit to her his dream of starting up a night club and "jokingly" asked her to be his headline act. It was a pretty clumsy ask, with lots of fumbling, so Alice didn't take it all that seriously, especially since he was already aware of how much value Alice put in her family. She playfully turned down the offer of being the star of his club and they laughed the whole thing off. Though it was disappointing for Shaun, he understood her decision, especially when he suddenly gained a family of his own.

Still, Alice does perform at Shaun's club on occasion, particularly in the beginning to help him get his business off the ground. Her family isn't going to stop her from making friends, connections, and living her life. Performing at the Blind Feline was a totally different experience than the Royal Garden, even at night, and the more sexually charged atmosphere made her feel uneasy being the center of attention. Fortunately, Shaun always went out of his way to make sure she would be safe at the club and never feel pressured to do or see anything that made her uncomfortable. Thanks to him she was able to enjoy her time there helping out a friend. Naturally, Shaun insisted to pay her for every show she performed.

Of course, a more overtly sexual club would be seen even more unfavorably by the local religious organizations. Ian wouldn't have grown up with Shaun, so his feelings are less conflicted than they are with Alice and her family. Ian wouldn't even think about that club at all for fear of corruption if he didn't find out about Alice performing there. It made him fearful that Shaun was tempting her down the path of sin and debauchery, which led to more than one altercation between the two men. Alice would have to play peacekeeper, though it would always be an uneasy peace.

Needless to say, Shaun and Ian are anything but friends in this AU.

Shaun still occasionally stops by the Royal Garden, but during the day when Alice is performing. It's a great opportunity for him to have some daddy-daughter bonding by bringing Moon Pie along. He also gets to show off just how adorable his little girl is.

The Blind Feline becomes pretty popular for its distinct style and at times very spicy acts. A couple performers even made a name for themselves there, which included Nick.

Alluring Nights

Yes, Nick is a dom by night in this universe too. The Blind Feline offered him his first big break that got him a lot of positive attention from a very devoted following. His performances get very explicit, but he's always in control.

Of course, behind the scenes Nick is a lot more shy than the front he puts up before the crowd. It's almost like he's two people sometimes. He became good friends with Shaun over time, and of course he wound up meeting Alice there on a night when she was performing.

Poor guy can control a thirsty crowd but gets tongue tied in front of the cute lady with the sweet smile and beautiful voice. He's barely managed a few awkward interactions with her that haven't yet left an impression with her beyond the thought that he seems nice.

Nick wasn't the only one who became aware of Alice because of her occasional performances at the Blind Feline.

Jack isn't one to go out to clubs all that often, or public spaces in general outside of business meetings and public appearances. When the touch of other human beings feels like bugs crawling underneath one's skin, a person will usually try to avoid people.

Still, Jack can appreciate a good show, and there are times when certain business partners insist on having their business meetings take place somewhere with a crowd around. It was one such instance that brought Jack to the Blind Feline that night when Alice performed.

Her voice enchanted Jack, as it had many others. He assumed what drew him to Alice was mere intrigue, a random whim that kept drawing his thoughts back to her even after her performance ended. The person he was doing business with was also interested in Alice... but for far more blatantly carnal reasons.

The business partner appreciated Alice's singing and appearance, but was disappointed in her performance style to say the least. All the acts at this club had some spice to them, showed skin and offered the possibility of more personal attention to the customers if the price was right. Alice's performances are far more tame and modest by comparison. It was almost like a tease in and of itself that this person took as a challenge.

Jack was aware of how this person's "interest" could be dangerous for someone. It didn't sit right with him to do nothing, especially when it involved someone who caught his attention like Alice did, but he also had to keep in mind that politics in St. Valens could be delicate and lead to a lot of blood being shed. This partner was still someone the Blouin family needed for business, regardless of their hobbies. It certainly wasn't the first time he had to work with unsavory characters, and won't be the last.

When the partner insisted on going to see Alice personally, Jack cheerfully came along to ensure things didn't go out of hand.

Alice wasn't a stranger to being hit on, especially after a show. She had plenty of experience in turning people down. It was at least funny for Jack to see the partner grow more and more flustered by such flat refusal from Alice. Jack found himself more and more entertained by Alice as time went on, but he did try to deescalate the situation.

The business partner's continued persistence made Alice feel unsafe and uncomfortable. She tried to excuse herself, but the business partner just got more forceful, offended by her refusal, which was Jack's cue to cut in.

Unfortunately, Jack underestimated just how worked up this particular business partner would get, and it led to a mild scuffle that led to Alice falling into Jack's arms.

Jack didn't want to actually touch Alice, or anyone. He never intended to let things get this far. Alice had grabbed onto his exposed wrist with her bare hand to stop herself from falling and...

Alice was warm. Her touch wasn't cold, slimy, and crawly. It didn't feel like his nerves were distorting into static until Jack felt like tearing his skin off to escape the sensation. In fact, her hand was delicate, soft and sensual, and he found himself reeling from the sensation even after she got back up on her feet and scampered away from them both.

Jack was stunned, but he couldn't be still for long, as the partner was raging, and probably a bit tipsy. Security of course was starting to sniff around, which made things incredibly complicated. Jack was forced to deescalate things and leave, rather than risk violence breaking out. Though he could handle his own easily, especially with his right hand Bo waiting for his signal, but he didn't want to risk Alice getting caught in the crossfire should bullets start flying.

Jack was obsessed with Alice after that. He had Bo tail her, find out all about her, where she lived, her family, friends, schedule etc. He found out about the Royal Garden, and made sure to start paying the day club a visit on a regular basis whenever she was scheduled to perform.

Before Jack became a regular at the Royal Garden, Bo made sure to scope out the club, both its daytime face and its nighttime sides. While Jack would only be interested in a certain show during the dayclub, it was what Bo found at the nightclub that drew him in.

Clubs like the Blind Feline were the type of scene Bo liked, hot, spicy, and stinking of sex. He loved to watch strippers and get lap dances. He visited virtually every club in the city that had a very adult night life and had his fair share of trysts with adult entertainers.

Bo had visited the Royal Garden's nightclub in the past, though briefly. The spicy acts at this club were far too mild for a wild dog like him, and other places had a lot more heat to feed his lustful desires.

That changed when Bo saw Barbie perform. She had a fire in her eyes and a commanding presence that made it impossible to look away from her. Her scent enticed him and her voice was beautiful. Her sensual movements and provocative poses enticed him a way that no other performer ever had even without their clothes.

Even after Bo's job of casing the club was done, he kept coming back to see Barbie. Bo had scoffed at Jack falling for a singer, since Alice wasn't special to him. Bo had always been certain that he would never fall like his lovesick boss, but he underestimated Barbie.

Barbie doesn't do dom performances in the traditional sense, but she has a commanding presence. Audience members who act up get put in their place and denied any chance to feel anything but the bottom of her heel as she stomps on them. She's got a powerful, intimidating personality that demands obedience from her audience, and Bo found himself wanting to roll over and expose his belly to her even if it meant he'd get stomped for it.

It'd be worth it to Bo if he could be the only person Barbie paid attention to.

Naturally, our two criminal yanderes quickly become absolutely obsessed with their respective singer of choice.

Unlike in the original version of this AU, Jack can't arrange it so Alice spends every day with him as his assistant. Oh, he'll try to hire her under some excuse or another, but she politely turns down his offers. She's quite happy to work with her family and occasionally her friends, and that's more important to her than whatever obscene paycheck he offers.

Jack pivots his plans to focus on befriending Alice, figuring out her schedule so that he can "accidentally" run into her in more casual settings, striking up friendly conversations and show that he's a good person worth knowing. His shining reputation in the community helps in this regard. He even offers to be her escort when going to and from her performances at the Blind Feline. Shaun has tried to act as an escort for her before, but since he's so busy running the place and raising a child, he doesn't have a lot of free time. Funny enough, Jack always manages to have his schedule free whenever she needs it!

By appearing so friendly, kind, and harmless, Alice starts growing closer to Jack. Of course, this leads to some jealousy from the other men who are also hoping to grow intimately close with Alice.

Bo does try befriending Barbie as well, but his method is a bit rougher. He's a lot more overly eager, which pushes Barbie to bring him to heel more than once. Though she finds him annoying, she also finds it fun to make this dog who barks so big whimper and beg her for her approval. Over time she starts intentionally goading him, getting a thrill out of leaving him a pathetic mess with only some blue balls to show for it at the end of the night.

Without the whole human trafficking angle or Alice being stuck with the crime family, Barbie doesn't have a reason to hate Bo and the Blouin family right out the gate. Oh, she'll be wary for sure, but when she learns how dangerous Bo is, she finds it actually adds to her thrill of humbling him. This big bad hunting dog is a weak whimpering puppy before her. She starts seeing how far she can push him, tame him, and soon she realizes he'll do anything for her.

Barbie has all the power in their relationship, and she quickly grows addicted to it.

Bo is different than the other customers Barbie has put in their place over time. The more time they spend together, the more she looks forward to his company. Soon things escalate during a performance. At the climax of the song, as she's done before, she pulled Bo in close by his collar. She would feign as if she might kiss him, as she had teased him and other patrons with in the past, only to shove them off the edge of the stage to assert her total control over her audience and their lust for her.

This time Barbie decided to cross the line. Bo had made it clear in the past he wanted to kiss her and so much more, so she took that as an invitation to steal a kiss from him at the end of her act, much to the shock of him and her regular audience. He melted into her, wanting to hold onto her and never let go... only to be shoved off the stage like usual.

Barbie ended her performance like normal, asserting her dominance before the crowd and her untouchable aura, but her cheeks were rosier that night.

Much like in regular continuity, Barbie is the one in charge of their relationship. She sets the pace between them, which Bo is only too happy with as long as she keeps him on her leash and pulls him closer. He always scoffed at the idea of being whipped by anyone. Even his servitude to Jack was a begrudging one. He was a lone wolf, doing what he wanted, fucking who he wanted, killing who he wanted. But in front of Barbie he was as weak as a newborn pup. He found himself willing to do anything as long as he didn't lose her.

Barbie sees Bo as an enticing toy at the start, but over time he draws her in and she starts to see his human side. She starts finding herself wanting someone for the first time. She doesn't like very many people aside from her family, but Bo slowly starts to grow on her. She finds herself desiring someone for the first time, both sexually and emotionally. Before she realizes it, she's getting jealous over attention others give Bo.

One night when Barbie catches Bo exchanging banter with someone else who clearly has the hots for him, she interrupts them.

...

Bo caught her scent even before he felt her warm touch, her finger slipping underneath his collar in that familiar way to pull him back. He twisted around to face his beloved Barbie, his tail wagging with happiness at the sight of her. "Puppy!"

Barbie's brown and blue eyes burned with a fire that could burn down a city, but that look only enticed Bo further. "Bo," she said in a low, dangerous tone as her long nails dragged across the tender skin beneath the collar. "Tell me. Who do you belong to?"

Bo shivered at the sensation, a whimper escaping him in spite of his pride and the people around them watching him. He felt weak under that burning gaze of hers that made his blood sizzle and his pants tight. "You, puppy, only you."

Barbie smirked, pleased by the pleading in his eyes and tone. "Good boy," she crooned before claiming his lips.

It was her most lewd performance yet, a kiss blatantly with tongue. Bo was only too eager to join in, drinking deep of his puppy in a way she had yet to permit him before. He was addicted to her flavor, and he whined when she finally pulled back, leaving them both breathless and panting.

Barbie held Bo back when he chased after her lips for yet another kiss, her smile smug and satisfied. She savored that yearning for her, how desperate he was with need for her that left him practically on his knees before her.

Almost lazily Barbie slid her gaze to the interloper that tried to steal what was hers. "You can go now," Barbie she dismissively, her smile taking on a cruel curve. "My boyfriend and I have plans."

While the other person seethed, Bo lit up, his tail wagging so hard he generated a small breeze. "Boyfriend? Me?" He sounded pathetic, he knew. If the person he was only a few months ago could see him now, he would hardly recognize himself, but he was too elated to care.

"That's right," Barbie practically purred as she turned her burning gaze back to Bo. "You're my boyfriend as long as you keep one thing in mind... I don't share."

"Whatever you want, puppy," Bo said as he clasped her hands in his. "Anything you want, it's yours. I'm all yours."

When his gaze slid back to his companion, all trace of pathetic subservience disappeared along with his earlier friendly attitude for this person who was now only an obstacle. Bo was a predator, ready to rip out anyone's throat at his master's beck and call. "You heard her. Leave. Before they have to carry you out in a body bag."

...

Needless to say, Barbie quite enjoys being Bo's new master. He certainly enjoys following her orders far more than Jack's.

Although Barbie is pretty forceful and dominating, over time she does start showing Bo more and more of her softer side.

Of course, that doesn't mean Bo isn't still going to be following Jack's orders. I figure their relationship is a bit more complicated than he would like, and one he just can't sever whenever he wants.

Speaking of Jack, I can imagine it'll take him quite a bit more time to get closer to Alice in this variant of the AU, though not for a lack of trying on his part. There's just going to be a lot more rivals and variables in play. Still, you know me. Eventually my ship has got to sail, which will make some guys pretty unhappy. At least her family would be less worried about Alice and Jack getting together in this version of the AU.

Well, as long as they never realize that Jack is the head of the most dangerous crime family in all of St. Valen's. Let's see how long Jack can keep that innocent squeaky clean image in place while he's trying to win Alice's heart and keep some pesky rivals at bay.

Really, this version of the AU would be an even bigger tease for Jack. As his assistant, he could come up with so many excuses to get Alice to hold his hand, help him change his gloves, help him put his suit on as an excuse to touch him, etc. Alice as a performer keeps a more polite distance from people until she really grows to know and trust them.

Heck, even in Sunshine in Hell, Jack had more opportunities to touch Alice when he needed it. Not to mention the connection between their souls means they're technically always touching in a way. That bond they made is quite the cheat mod.

Man, poor touch starved mafia boss Jack is going to go crazy waiting for Alice to be comfortable enough around him to want to touch him. The man is so touch starved, and she's the only person who he can stand to touch. He might wind up just as pathetically needy as Bo is with Barbie by the time they finally get together. At least Alice isn't intentionally teasing him like her sister!

Well... at least not yet. Once they get together, I'm sure Alice wouldn't be opposed to teasing her boyfriend a little. All in good fun of course~

After all, I imagine their first time was quite memorable thanks to how maddeningly pent up Jack was. No doubt Alice didn't get any sleep that entire night, and they would've made quite a mess of the bed. Once he finally has her in his arms, he's never going to let her go and make her feel so good she'll never want him to.

Can you really blame Alice for wanting to wind up her boyfriend a little to encourage a repeat of such an intense wet and wild night of passion and love~?

On that delightfully spicy note, I think I'm going to wrap things up here for now. This ramble has gone on way longer than I intended (25 pages last I counted,) and I got a weeeeeee bit off topic for most of it. Haha, sorry about that. I hope it was entertaining despite taking so long to get to answering the actual questions at least!

I have a feeling I'll play with this more musical version of the Mafia AU again in the future. Maybe I'll mix the two versions together somehow, or come up with yet another variation. There are no limits in AUs after all!

Huh. Now that I think about it, with Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack being inspired by the Phantom of the Opera, an AU where his sunshine is a singer who enchants him is pretty fitting. Sure, he's not a mysterious phantom guiding Alice to become the star of a famous opera house like the Phantom of Sunny Day Jack, but he's certainly going to make his sunshine sing for him.

Yes, I mean that both literally and suggestively. ;3

Jack might have become smitten with Alice after seeing her sing on stage, shining like a star for all to see, but nothing compares to her private performances with him in bed~

On that extra note of spice, I better wrap up before I make this ramble even longer. I hope you enjoyed the many unexpected directions my rambling took me. Please let me know what you think of this and any of my other ideas/writing. Thank you for reading!

#Sunny Day Jack #DachaBo #Aphrodesia #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #The Groom of Gallagher Mansion #Headcanon Ramblings #Mafia AU #Picrew Art #My Writing #Sauce-y Art #Ask

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howtobecomeadragon · 2 years

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Mike got upset at Hopper in s2 bc Hopper was keeping El hidden... when she could've been helping Will and preventing Will's situation from getting so bad

Obviously there are other reasons too, he was mourning and missed her, it was a shock to see her, etc. I'm just saying I think this is the bigger reason.

This also ties into Mike viewing El as a superhero and how this puts their relationship in a weird space. If someone is a superhero, you're not missing them as a person, you're missing them for their powers and what they can do for you.

Obviously we saw that Mike was missing El in 2x01 and 2x02. But at the end of 2x02, we saw Mike having a new concern about what was going on with Will and that he was seeing something from the UD. Mike is confronted with the reality that he doesn't know much about the UD and doesn't know how to help. He doesn't know if this is real or just visions. He doesn't understand (although he does his best to help), the others wouldn't understand, but Eleven would. She would know, she'd be able to help, she'd know how to stop this.

Because, after all, Mike has said it before: she's a weapon. He viewed her as a way to get Will back before (partly, not claiming this was his only motivation in his relationship with El) and now in s2, Mike is missing her for what she could have done here: helped Will.

Mike does what he can to put positive spins on the situation and he provides that emotional support, which probably helped more than he knew.

But that didn't exactly stop the bad things from happening. Mike still doesn't know how to fix this thing happening to Will. He does everything he can, he comes up with the idea to spy back and to put Will to sleep, but it's still a very upsetting day or two.

When El returns, he greets her happily but as soon as he hears that she's been out there, listening to his calls, his face drops. He wanted to know she was out there. And then very quickly his anger moves to Hopper. El didn't know that Will was in trouble. She stayed away bc Hopper told her to, but she didn't know what was going on. Hopper knew. Hopper knew that El was probably one of the only people who might know enough to help, so he gets mad about Hopper hiding her, when she could've been there, she could've stepped in as soon as Will saw the Mind Flayer the first time.

Moving onto the fight scene:

Mike and Hopper both look and gesture towards this wall a lot (EDIT: credit to @runninguplenorahills for pointing this out, this is also in Will's bedroom, similar to the s3 kiss with El in the finale. just another thing pointing to this being more to do with Will than the GA might thing), and I get that it's probably the direction of where El is in the kitchen, but just like always, Will is there symbolically too. He's there in the drawings that are on the wall between them in the dead center of the shot. It's a symbol of just how bad things got with Will.

Mike looks at the drawings and says he doesn't understand how Hopper let it go on so long with El there but hidden.

Again, looking and gesturing at the walls. And there's this talk of blame here. "Don't blame her, she's already upset." "I don't blame her, I blame you."

Blame El for... just staying hidden? When Mike can tell she wasn't allowed to talk to him? That doesn't really fit perfectly with the word "blame." What Hopper might mean, instead, is for Mike to not blame El for how bad it got with Will. "Don't blame El for not coming to help sooner, don't blame her for everything that has happened the past couple days." And Mike doesn't, he says he's blaming Hopper.

Another couple things from the full fight scene:

"Protecting her?" Mike sees what happened. Hopper chose to protect El over protecting Will this season (in a way, balancing out his actions from s1, selling out El's location to Brenner to save Will).

"So I should be thanking you?" Along that same line: Mike isn't thinking about his or his family's safety. Brenner is gone, and it sounds like Hopper kept El hidden for reasons he doesn't understand or care about at the cost of Will's safety.

"Nothing about this is okay." There's so many things he's upset and overwhelmed and scared about right now. It's multifaceted, just like so many of Mike's scenes. He's not just mad bc he missed El, there's more there.

After the scene with Hopper, Mike and El are standing away from each other. He even seems to be avoiding eye contact with her? Maybe from embarrassment over his outburst, maybe he just feels weird and conflicted already, feeling the strain of having his attention split when he's already so worried about Will. But either way, the shots are framed with Mike and Hopper together and everyone else with El. He didn't rush out from that fight to stick with El, be close, hold her hand, talk with her more.

And the first time he speaks in this scene it feels a lot like another "I'm the only one who cares about Will" moment. He's put the pieces together and was considering Will's part in all of this. He's not voicing concern about El being in danger again or leaving again, his mind is on Will.

And I think this all goes to the goodbye scene between El and Mike. Mike is concerned about losing people close to him. He can't say goodbye to Will, but he says goodbye to El. She tries to kiss him, he leaves his eyes open and doesn't move closer at all. A car with Will drives away and a car with El drives away, both headed towards danger. He stares after both, scared.

GA viewers assume he's just focused on El as he watches the cars drive away, but he spent most of the season just focused on Will. GA viewers assume Mike's outburst just has to do with loving El, but he spent most of the season trying to help Will, just like s1, except this time he didn't have El, his helpful link to the UD, to make the supernatural mysteries a little bit easier.

#byler

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gingerylangylang1979 · 1 year

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Sydney wants Carmy… carnally

Images courtesy of @livelovecaliforniadreams, @starryyshadows, @cosmic-light-fics, @laryssamedeirss, @eatandsleepwell, @sydneysadamu

I said what I said. I think it's easier for people to recognize the instantaneous and continual attraction Carmy has for Sydney. It's difficult to ignore those laser beam, spiced up, supernatural looking heart eyes and the perpetual subconscious face study he's constantly doing.

With Sydney, it's more subtle, it's the yin to his yang of unrealized lust. I really wish I had found gifs of two key scenes that demonstrate this. One is in the pilot. Sydney is in the kitchen and Carmy comes back from outside to get the denim jacket from Nat. She kind of eyes him as he comes back in and it's so quick and sly most people miss it. The other moment is in "Sheridan Road" when they are prepping. The side eyes she gives asking about the menu seem a little more than curious. Both times she's looking sexy in his direction. If anyone has these gifs I'll gladly add them to this post.

Anyways, I just feel like Sydney has no idea that she had a hero crush before they even met. She had the meal she made and that linked them. She consumed his work, it had a huge impact. She knows about his Food & Wine award. I'm sure there were pics of young Carmy. I feel like she may have stared at them a bit too long, not thinking anything of it, but it imprinted. She never said, oh I have a celebrity chef crush. But if any part of her thought he was even a little attractive, a seed was planted.

Syd doesn't seem like the boy crazy type so I think while her eyes can't help doing what they do I think her physical attraction to Carmy was less pronounced in the beginning than her intellectual attraction to him. The thing is Carmy is problematic. This complicates things. She doesn't want to be attracted to him. He smokes, he's kookookachoo, they constantly fight, she looks up to him. Her dad would probably be suspicious. So I think this is all very difficult for her in a way it's different for Carmy. He has emotional blocks but thinks everything about her is perfect. She has emotional blocks too but his flaws are glaring in her face and manifest primarily with her.

Her mind is saying run but her libido, suppressed as it is, cautious as it is, is into him. She gets a very distinct lusty look in her eye with him sometimes. And I think she catches herself and tamps it back down. And sometimes his gazing at her draws her to gaze back. She also was the first one to intentionally touch the other. In "Review" she was trying to connect because they were not good but she took it to a physical place. The fact that it was on his arm, oof. Can't nobody convince me somewhere dark and secret she didn't like that. I also think she gets a charge when they fight. I think there is something scary about that for her because it's hot.

We know Carmy doesn't have dating experience but I'm starting to wonder if she's the same. She's especially awkward when both Carmy and Marcus suggest time spent together. Some would dismiss that as she's gay or asexual. I don't think so. She is clearly attracted to him and was clearly jealous of Claire in more than a professional way. I think she's probably really shy about sex and romance and it could be from lack of experience. So this whole sexy vibe with Carmy throws her off.

Sydney wants Carmy. It's as subdued as it can be but is starting to show. If anything happens she's going to want that short king to wreck her. I think she would be very bashful at first and then go feral the more they are together. Storer said this is a coming of age story. Her sexual awakening? That's both terrifying and tantalizing for our princess.

#charged and sexy #the bear fx #chefs kiss #carmy x sydney #syd x carmen #the bear is a mom & pop restaurant established in 2023.#chaos menu

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kitsune-oji · 1 year

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Can we pls have a married to satan hc like the mammon and dia ones?

Married to Satan

Of course! I haven't written Satan often yet so I hope this is good ':) sorry for how long this took

Satan x gn! Mc (you/yours)

I imagine married life with Satan would be very domestic, though not a lot would change from when you were "just" partners

Parallel play is a big one with him. He's reading while you do your own thing, which may also be reading or drawing, playing games (quietly), crocheting? Whatever hobby you have that can be done inside, quietly, by his side

He likes to do little things to make you happy, like surprising you with latte art or taking you out on a little date (you know the cat café is his go to but if another place is your favorite, that's alright too)

If you want to, he would consider moving out of the HoL with you. Finally he'd be far away from Lucifer and have you all to himself. Though, if you two do end up moving together, he has to admit that despite how irritating it always was, he sort of misses the chaos his brothers brought with them. It's so quiet without them in the same house

If you do stay at the HoL however, Satan is quick to use the "they're MY spouse" card whenever he wants your time (or to smile smugly at Lucifer when he says it, reminding him that Satan won your heart and not he)

Your presence during any sort of meeting or gathering - be it casual like the Anti Lucifer League or something more formal like a Banquet where his Connections™ show up - is more than welcome

If you have any ambitions to perhaps publish a book or start a business, maybe open a store, Satan has the demon for you and introduces you without hesitation. You can't find anyone more supportive of your endavours than him, surely

Everyone knows you as Satan's spouse, someone who he's so smitten with that you could very well be a cat. Yes, someone actually asked you that before and looked even more confused when you had to tell them that no, you're not actually a cat with shape-shifting powers, thank you very much

It was sort of funny at first but it got old pretty quickly

Sometimes, demons would come to you with a gift, hoping to get into Satan's good graces. If you indulge them or not is on you. Satan's opinion on the matter is quite clear: He doesn't care for people who only want to use as a means to an end. If the can't even see how wonderful you are, they're not worth his time anyway

Walking through the devildom streets has never been so safe. Satan doesn't really have any big enemies and those that didn't get along with him weren't dumb enough to try to get you involved. After all, nobody could save them from his wrath if you got hurt

On the other hand, you're the first person anyone tries to contact whenever he does lose his temper. You're a surefire way to get him to calm down, like a joker card. Your presence soothes him and talking out all his troubles with you helps him regulate his emotions better. That is, assuming you don't get angry at whatever he got angry at too

Sometimes, you'll catch him playing with the ring on your finger, putting his own next to it and just looking at it with the softest expression. If you ask him what he's thinking about, his gaze will go to you and he will just tell you that he loves you and that he's happy you're with him, before kissing you gently

#obey me shall we date #mine #om! swd #obey me nightbringer #race neutral mc #gender neutral reader #Obey me satan #Gn mc #obey me headcanons #Headcanon #Hc #Hcs #Fluff

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lovesick-feelings · 2 years

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can you pls write hcs for yan withered foxy? istg hes so underrated;-;;

Your right dear reader! It's strange how unpopular Withered Foxy is compared to his variants. Well, that is if you remove all the fan-made comics with Withered Foxy as a protagonist (っ´ω｀c) Either way, I think it's because a ton of people see the original characters to be the same as the withered but broken and traumatized ��︿⊙ I personally see them as different entities tho. Anyways thank you for requesting lovely reader!! \(♡´౪<♡)/

❤ Years of loneliness and neglect have left Withered Foxy in total disarray. He can’t remember the last time he left the dark, dusty service room. He could always roam around, but what’s the point when there is nothing out there for him? Normally, he’d recline and reminisce about his short time on stage, but lately, it's been harder with how restless he has grown. That is until he hears two employees talking beyond the door. Something about a new guard being hired?

❤ Like every other Foxy, he appears reserved. Your first couple of nights will be him stalking you from the shadows of the hall. As he observes, he likes to fill in the gaps about what you could be like. You smile at a drawing a kid has made of him. Do you have a soft spot for children? Or maybe you're a fan of his? Either way, the more he watches it fills his head with delusions. Ones where maybe… you were meant to be his.

❤ Only when given an opportunity will Withered Foxy start talking to you. He’ll inquire about you; ask you who you are, why you chose this job, and such. Oh, how sweet you are to him. So patient even though you were alarmed by his presence. You’re so amusing to him; perhaps he should look after you more. After all, there are things worse than him in this pizzeria. He’ll make it his duty to visit you every single night.

This man has two sides to him:

❤ Very weary. He doesn't feel the motivation to do anything besides seeing you. He’ll shuffle his way to your office and talk about anything on his mind. Even if you don’t talk back, the thought of you listening to his ramblings about the good ol’ days comforts him greatly. If you're interested, he’ll even recite his classic pirate stories. He's very hesitant when he realises he's talked for too long, regardless of how much you assure him that you enjoy listening to him. He’s mindful of his off-putting appearance, so unless given permission, he won't come any closer. To show him you are not afraid, you can reach out to him. Beware as this can unlock some unwanted clinginess.

❤ The other is frantic. Impulse drives him to become more animalistic. When the only thing pledging his mind is you, what else do you expect from him? Instead of his casual greeting, he hides in the dark, ranting about you belonging to him only. Before you can process, he's already launched himself onto you. He grips you with every ounce of strength to make sure you don't leave him again. He holds you tightly until you bruise, and if that doesn't stop you from struggling, he’ll mark you instead. The last thing on his mind is the agony you feel. Only to be with you, no matter the cost. What's worse is the way he “compliments'' and patronizes your helplessness. He goes on about how beautiful the color red is on you. How, if this were anyone else, you would have been killed in seconds. Of course, he could never because he loves you~. The Flashlight is your only hope of getting you out of this madness.

❤ Once he resets, it takes a second for panic to set in. The poor fox does anything he can to make up for whatever he’s done. He doesn't know what he's supposed to bring, so he's breaking the first aid cabinet and rushing everything he finds to you. With all the overwhelming emotions you give him, he can’t control his mood shifts. He doesn’t want to wound you; yet, he doesn't want to leave your side either.

“You know yur ol’ Foxy adore ye too much to hurt his treasure~” 🥰

“This is your fifth time biting me” 😐

❤ Withered foxy is both possessive and jealous. The mere thought of you seeing someone else sends him into panic mode. Anyone he deems to be getting too close he’ll maul into pieces. Even his withered friends are not safe from his scowls whenever they get too buddy-buddy. He wasn't the first animatronic to greet you, but you gave him your heart when you welcomed him with that beautiful smile of yours. To him, that’s the equivalent of marriage.

❤ The only other animatronics he trusts to leave you with is Balloon Boy and JJ. Withered Foxy resents the Toys with a passion. Despite this, he still has a soft spot for BB, as he cannot bring himself to hate children, and they make a good team. Same for JJ except he empathizes with her being left behind. They sometimes follow Withered Foxy whether he wants them to or not. On rare occasions, he leaves BB or JJ in charge of watching you when he’s away. If you're good with children you could use this opportunity to your advantage.

❤ His paranoia always gets the best of him. He’s the type to have a dream about you cheating on him and get angry at you for it. Heaven forbid he finds someone showing any type of romantic gesture too. He will gut them until they are nothing but mush in front of you. He won’t beg or talk you into staying. He’s dragging you into the parts and service to trap you in a suit. If he doesn't, regardless, you’ll still be stuck in the parts and service room. Resisting or begging won’t help much with him thinking you don't know any better. Maybe you would've been better off being killed in a suit.

“If there be one thing a pirate never shares between his crew it be his treasure! And you, me jewel, shall be with me forever~ ”

#yandere withered foxy #withered foxy #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #yandere fnaf #fnaf yandere #fnaf human #fnaf 2 #fnaf x reader #fnaf 2 x reader #yandere withered foxy x reader #withered foxy x reader #fnaf 2 withered foxy #yandere foxy x reader #foxy x reader #yandere withered foxy x yn

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 1 year

Text

Step 8 : Fall In Love Anyway (L.F)

Word Count : 3.1k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, brief mention of alcohol and drinking, brief mention of anxious habits (lip chewing, biting thumbnail), emotional cheating, angst, as per usual this one hurts but there's a happy ending

A/N : And that's a wrap on the 8 Step Guide! It took a bit longer than I wanted but I finished it! I hope you enjoyed all 8 steps! Don't forget to check out my next written series Perfect For You. The prologue is already out! I will also be releasing the masterlist for my smau series soon 🥰

“Have you ever met someone that you would do absolutely anything for?” Felix chuckled at first, ready to deny ever having met such a person, but then he paused and his eyes stopped on his best friend sitting across the room. Jisung was going on about this girl he met, how incredible she was, how he would do anything for her.

And Felix realized that’s exactly how he felt about Y/n. “But how do you know it’s love and not friendship?” He asked as his mouth ran dry, watching as Y/n’s boyfriend pressed a kiss to her cheek, and she smiled the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen. And his heart clenched, fire burned through his veins.

Soobin and Y/n have been dating for just over a year now. Felix has been by her side throughout their entire relationship, and not once has he felt like this. Jealousy hasn’t been something he’s felt when it came to her, because she’s his best friend. And Soobin is so good to her. He loves her. “I think if you’re asking me that, you already know the answer.” Jisung chuckled, clapping Felix on the shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. “You know, I always thought you knew you were in love with her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just think about it. I gotta go. Good luck with the lovebirds.”

He’s known her as long as he can remember, his little piece of Australia that came with him to Korea. Inseparable since they met. His mom has hundreds of pictures and videos of the two of them that she’ll send him sometimes. Remember this? She’ll ask. Of course he does. He’s not sure why, but he remembers all of it.

All the trips to the beach. All the scraped knees healed with bandages and kisses. Broken bones with casts covered in random drawings. Stories they made up with their figurines. Movie nights cuddled up under the same blanket that would turn into sleep overs, but their parents never minded because they always knew where they were.

People expected them to drift apart as they got older, but they seemed to get closer. Junior high came and went, and soon they were graduating high school, and moving to Korea together.

But as Felix went through these memories, he couldn’t figure out why Jisung thought he was in love with her. He had always seen her as a friend, his best friend, his other half. Of course he thought she was pretty, beautiful even, the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. If he were to name his ideal type, he’d probably want someone like her, but not because he loves her.

She just understands him in ways no one else does. He knows he can be clingier than other people, and she’s never made him feel too much for that, often clinging right back. She knows what he needs just by looking at his face, knows what he’s thinking by the look in his eyes.

And his family adores her! Which is so important to him. His sisters both love her so much that the three of them still keep in touch. He’s walked into their place multiple times and has seen her on the couch, video chatting with his sisters like they were hers. It always brings a smile to his face.

His mom calls her sometimes to check in on her, and if she can’t reach her, she’ll ask him about her. His dad has teased him a lot, asking him when he’s making his move on her. Oh. Oh shit.

Felix looked over to Soobin and Y/n again, seeing her smile falling as Soobin said his goodbyes, looking at his phone. And he was gone just like Jisung, leaving Felix alone with Y/n, and his heart picked up speed. What is he supposed to do now that he knows he’s in love with her?

“Jisung had to leave too?” He could hear the hurt in her voice. But why? Wasn’t Soobin a good boyfriend? Didn’t he treat her well? Was there something he wasn’t seeing? “Soobin and I were supposed to see a movie today. I already bought the tickets, but something came up at work. Want to come with me?” How could he ever tell her no?

“I don’t know, something seems weird.” Ryujin said, shaking her head as she took a bite of her cake. “When you and Soobin first got together, he dropped everything to be with you. But now it’s the opposite. Instead of being the priority, you’ve become the option.” Y/n was chewing on her lip, afraid of what it could mean. She knows how it looks on the outside, but Soobin wasn’t that type, right?

“Wasn’t he really close with Giselle before?” Yeji asked. “I remember thinking they were dating and was actually really surprised when you told us you were dating Soobin.”

“Oh yeah! Everyone was talking about it. Said their two favourite It couples broke up.” Lia chimed in. “I’m still rooting for Y/n and Felix.” Y/n lightly slapped her on the arm.

“We’re just friends!”

“That’s what they all say!” Y/n rolled her eyes. Has she thought about Felix in that way before? Of course she has. She’s not blind. He’s handsome and cute wrapped into one. She loves when he wraps her in his arms and she’s close enough to count his freckles while he softly tells her about his day in his soothingly deep voice.

Of course she’s had dreams where they’re married with a couple kids and a dog, and she’s wrapped up in his arms just like that. And they’re talking softly while their kids sleep peacefully in their rooms, their dog at the foot of their bed. It’s wholesome, it’s domestic. And it’s just a dream with no meaning.

Felix was the first to congratulate her on her relationship with Soobin. He was the one who introduced them to begin with, playing matchmaker in the background, thinking neither of them knew. He was the one who set up the first date. He gave Soobin all the tips on how to win her over. Even if she was in love with him, he certainly isn’t in love with her.

So she holds onto the love she gets from Soobin. She knows he’s slipping through her fingers. She knows his heart no longer belongs to her, but as long as he keeps coming back to her, she can pretend that Felix is just her friend. Because even a little bit of love is better than none at all.

“Where are you?” She asks as soon as Soobin picks up her video call. He’s in his car, that much she can tell. But he doesn’t look ready for the dinner they should already been on the way to.

“You look so pretty baby. Going out tonight?” She was ready to lose her mind, ready to throw her phone, and rip her hair out of her head. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she blinked them back, clenching her jaw as she spoke again, reminding him of their plans.

“We have dinner with my parents in 20 minutes, Soobin.” His eyes widened as he was reminded of the date, and he stumbled over his words, apologizing a thousand times. “I’ll just call them and cancel. Just go do whatever was clearly more important than me.”

“Baby no! Nothing is more important than you, okay? Just tell them we’re running behind. I’ll run home and change and pick you up in 15 minutes okay? Don’t cancel baby. I know you were so excited for this. And you look too pretty to let it just go to waste. Just wait for me. I love you.” She nodded and hung up the phone before calling her mom explaining that Soobin was having car troubles so they were running a bit behind.

“Shouldn’t you be gone?” Felix asked when he walked through the door. “Whoa.” He added when he took in her full appearance. “You look absolutely stunning, Y/n.” Soobin texted to let her know he had arrived, so she stood to leave, but quickly wrapped her arms around Felix, taking him by surprise.

“Thank you, Lix.” She pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek before leaving. And Felix just stood there with his hand to his cheek, his heart pounding in his chest, and jealousy running through his veins.

“There’s my baby girl!” Her dad stood from the table, taking her into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You look amazing! Doesn’t she look just incredible, Soobin? Gets it from her old man.” Soobin nodded with a smile, taking a quick look at his phone, sending off a text, before sitting down. Y/n tried not to let it bother her because he was here with her.

“We ordered a bottle of champagne since this is a celebration.” Her mom spoke up. “My baby girl is growing up so fast! Already managing her own team. Next thing you know you’ll be a CEO.”

The waiter came by with the champagne, pouring everyone a glass, and taking orders, but Soobin was still somewhere else, glancing at his phone. He tried to engage in conversation, but he kept going back to his phone. She really tried not to think much of it, trying to focus on her celebration dinner, but it was hard when out of the corner of her eye, all she could see was her boyfriend occupied with something else.

“A toast!” Her dad began, raising his glass, catching Soobin’s attention just long enough for him to slide his phone into his pocket and raise his own glass. “To my little girl who grew up way too fast before my very eyes and is now living her dreams. I always knew you could do it, pumpkin.” The four of them lightly clinked glasses before each taking a sip.

“Remember to take care of yourself and don’t work too hard. Just because you got promoted doesn’t mean you need to do everything yourself, okay?”

“Of course mom. I’ll make sure to eat and drink plenty of water.”

“And sleep! Sleep is important too.” Y/n giggled, nodding, and agreeing to sleep as well. She made sure her parents got into their car okay before making her way to Soobin’s car, who was already in the driver’s seat, talking to someone on the phone.

“I’ll be there soon, okay? I just have to drop Y/n off at home. Don’t leave the door unlocked, I have a key. Mmhmm, love you too.” She said nothing as she buckled her seatbelt, staring straight ahead. She didn’t want to believe it was true, but how could it not be? “That was nice. Next time we should pay for them.”

“Do you even know why they paid for dinner today?” Her arms were crossed over her chest, jaw clenched, brows furrowed, and Soobin put the car back into park, knowing he fucked up. It wasn’t an anniversary, or a birthday. He’s sure he didn’t miss anything, but he wasn’t paying much attention during the dinner, and he knows she noticed.

“I’m sorry I was distant during dinner baby. But something-“

“Something came up at work.” He nodded. “You just tell your coworkers you love them then? Tell them not to leave the door unlocked because you have a key?”

“It’s not what you think, I swear. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He reached out for her but she just shook her head, telling him to drive her home so he could get to whoever is more important than her. “There’s no one more-“ He shut up with the cold glare she shot him and quietly drove her home, the only sound coming from the wind blowing outside.

She immediately got out of the car when they pulled up to her house, and he followed her, wrapping his hand around her wrist, and she met his eyes.

“I promise you it’s not what you think.” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper. “It was Giselle. She’s just going through a lot right now and really needs me and I had promised to go over right after work, but I remember you being excited about this dinner, and I wanted to be there for you.”

“I was excited because I was promoted, Soobin. It was a celebration dinner. And you would have known that if you paid even a sliver of attention to me at all tonight, but your mind has been filled with nothing but Giselle for months now. So just tell me right now, do you love her?” He opened his mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn’t come out. He couldn’t deny having feelings for Giselle, but did he love her? Not the way he loved Y/n, but his hesitation gave her the answer she needed, and she turned away, but he caught her wrist again.

“Y/n wait!”

“I got my answer Soobin. And that’s fine. We shouldn’t be together if we both love someone else.” His grip loosened. “You love her, and I love Felix.”

Felix wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He knows he wasn’t supposed to hear it, knows it was a private conversation between a couple, an ex couple. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Her words ringing through her mind, You love her, and I love Felix. And he can’t help but wonder if she meant it. Or did she just say it so Soobin wouldn’t win?

Does Felix confess to her? Would it be wrong of him? He paces, chewing on his thumbnail, deep in thought, and Jisung just watches him. “What’s up with him?” Minho asks, taking a seat next to him, handing him his coffee. And Jisung just shrugs.

“Midlife crisis?”

“Nah too young.”

“Existential crisis?” Minho studies Felix’s face for a few minutes before shaking his head again.

“Seems deeper than that. This is a love crisis.” Jisung smiled to himself, shaking his head before taking a sip of his coffee. “You know something I don’t. Spill.”

“He’s in love with Y/n.”

“Huh. Classic.” The two just sat there, watching Felix pace back and forth as he thought through everything that could go wrong if he were to confess. It could ruin their friendship, friendship they’ve had for their entire lives. She could laugh in his face, ask why she would ever return his feelings. She could pity him, feel bad for not returning his feelings, tell him she loves Soobin, that her heart was just broken and that’s why she said what she said. He was never meant to hear it. She could hate him for listening in on her conversation.

But there’s one outcome that could make it all worth it. One outcome that makes all the bad fade away. The outcome where she meant it. The one where she really does love him. “I’m going to confess.” He says suddenly and then leaves. Minho and Jisung just exchange looks, shrugging their shoulders, and then continue about their day. Weirder things have happened.

“You did the right thing.” Ryujin said matter-of-factly as she ate her cake. The other girls agreed quickly, each chiming in with things they didn’t like about Soobin between bites of their own lunches.

“I’m still rooting for Y/n and Felix.” Yeah, she is too. “Best friends to lovers? Best trope in my opinion.”

“And they’re childhood best friends!” Yeji chimed in.

“Even better!” Lia cried. She grabbed Y/n’s hands, pouting as she looked her in the eyes. “Please date Felix! You two would be so cute!!!” Y/n just chuckled, pulling her hands away, patting Lia’s hands.

“That’s not just up to me.”

“Oh please that man is obsessed with you.” Ryujin spoke up as she took the final bite of her cake.

“Please eat something other than cake.” Yeji said, sliding some of her food over to her. Ryujin immediately slid it back, keeping eye contact with Yeji as she pulled out another slice of cake, immediately taking a bite, still not breaking eye contact. “Though I don’t agree with her eating habits, I do agree that Felix loves you.” Lia was quick to agree, still pleading her with her eyes.

“You three are relentless. I’m going back to work.”

She didn’t want to think about it, the possibility of Felix returning her feelings. But it was the only thing running through her mind her entire way home. She spent years pushing her feelings aside, pretending they weren’t there, hoping one day they would go away, or he’d confess to her. But her feelings continued to grow, and he introduced her to Soobin.

It was as if he knew she loved him and it was his way of rejecting her. Introducing her to someone that would treat her right, love her right. For a short time anyway, but there was someone else in his life. Another girl that took his attention and heart away. And the small amount of love she was okay with receiving wasn’t enough anymore.

She wanted Felix. And she hated that the only person she wanted was him. It hit her all at once. After years pushing anything that felt like love to the side, it hit her all at once. Walking into their shared house seeing a trail of rose petals leading up to a dinner for two, a candle in the middle of the table, Felix standing next to it in a suit, holding a bouquet with a shy smile on his face. “Welcome home.”

“What’s all this?” So many emotions hit her at once. But the one that stuck out the most was love. And she knew she couldn’t push it aside anymore. It was time to feel it in full force.

“My confession.” He held out the bouquet for her to take. “Do you accept?” She couldn’t help the smile that made its way to her face as she took the flowers from his hand.

“Yeah. I accept.”

“Good because this took way too long to cook. Shall we?” He gestured to the dinner he made set up on the table and she nodded. He pulled out a chair for her, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before sitting across from her, watching as her cheeks went red, just like his when she kissed his. And it was like a dream come true. Falling in love with his best friend and having her fall in love with him too.

back to masterlist

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