#I don't know how effectively I communicated this but

[inqilabi]

Another thing that I have observed over the years is that, not a lot of people are good at relationships. As in they don't know the fundamentals of a good relationship. And with that it follows, that for some people this comes naturally. And for some people this is learned.

A lot of people don't seem to be good at communicating in relationships. Meaning that they will let a thing that bothered them fester until it grows into resentment. And they bring it up once the resentment is bubbling. And obviously, because it's pent up, when do they do bring it up, it's in an explosive manner.

So everyone at some point learns that relationships are about communication. And they tell you this wisdom. But no one actually gives you the details and the formula

Communication is about

1) frequency. So don't let this fester. Bring it up right away

2) type of communication. So positive and the negative. Ie., things that are working but also not working. The positive communication will be, "oh I loved [action], because [what it made you feel]. You are so [the unique attribute about your partner that led to this behaviour]". This is what is going to build connection regularly. Regularly appreciating your partner. And not just in a generic manner. But in an instance specific manner.

Or in the negative "when the [situation/issue], it makes me [feeling], and if this continues to happen i will [feel/consequences]". It doesn't attack the partner and views them an opportunity to rise to meet your needs. And focuses instead on the situation / issue and the effect on you. This is what will maintain the relationship. Prevent it from going down.

3) manner of communication. You should never say "you always do this" "you never do this". That is not an productive way of conveying concern to your partner. That is just attacking them as mentioned in point #2. The person who is being addressed also should listen and not get defensive or criticism. If one person has legitimately brought up a concern, and the other person says "no i don't do that " or "it's not that big of a deal" or "well you did this [unrelated other thing so long ago]", this is a cause for concern. Men often do the latter and imo it's a red flag. A man should be able to listen to your concerns and not feel attacked if you have brought it up in a gentle let's tag-team this issue manner. If a man does get defensive or start criticizing you instead, he has an ego or insecurity problem. Thats one of the things that will chip away at a relationship. Is defensiveness and criticism.

There's other things that maintain relationships like taking interest in your partners interest, when they ask you to look at something or share something with you - then you should take interest. There's many people who might ignore it or outright dismiss it (chips away) or some might simply acknowledge it (maintains), where are some might take an interest and ask you questions on the thing youve shared. Ask you where you learned about it. What you found interesting about it. How it made you feel etc (builds relationships).

Some years ago I wrote a post, which I can't find now. But I found it so surprising in couples that I had observed that a man would so often dismiss his partners attempt to connect. I remember the instance I noticed this - I was at a desi Eid bazaar. And a woman came to her husband who was sitting with their child, giddily told him that she had haggled the price of a cloth down by 20 dollars. And instead of being proud of her and appreciating her, he said something along the lines of "you could have gotten it for 30 off". And I saw the joy disappear from her face. And he chipped away willingly. So bewildering to me that you have an opportunity to connect and build, so easily handed to you - and in so many couples, they reject it. It's like someone offering you a couple of dollars for free in a long-term investment, and you're like - nah thanks I'm good. Maddening!

[aziraphales-library]

Hi,

Could I ask for some roommate fics? A little pining is great but I'm not a huge fan of too much angst.

There is one roommate fic I remember that I'd love to find again, it was set during lockdown, and azirphale was a virgin but was talking to Agnes on zoom with plans to date. Crowley offers to teach him about sex, and it gets physical, even though they're straight buddies ..of course. 😏

Thankyou

We have a #roommates tag. Here's the one you're looking for and a few more to add...

Not a Mounted Dildo but a Fuck Machine by NaroMoreau, summerofspock (E)

Aziraphale and Crowley have lived together for three years when lockdown goes into effect. When Aziraphale meets a nice girl on Tinder who he thinks is his perfect match, he's delighted. There's just one hurdle: that pesky virginity thing. Lucky for him, Crowley has always been there for him. He's helped Aziraphale with every other problem through the years, why not this one?

Tinder Dates Gone Wrong by OceanLace (E)

Aziraphale decides to take a risk and brings a man home but doesn't realize that his roommate and best friend had the same idea. Things don't turn out the way either of them were expecting but end up exactly how they wanted.

Principles of Proximity by Cannebady (E)

Crowley's plan is to get through grad school in one piece and then live his bachelor dream life. With a less-than-wholesome upbringing and no real human ties to speak of, he's made a life for himself. It's just fine, actually. And he's fine too, while you're at it. Enter new roommate, Aziraphale, who just might teach him the benefits of putting down roots.

…And They Were Roommates by Mimsynims (E)

“You know… I just remembered that Richard and I were going away for a few days next month.” Something devious came over him. “Richard paid for it, but the booking is in my name.” Crowley quickly caught on to what he was getting at. “Ooh, I see. That’s convenient.” He grinned. “For us." When Aziraphale's boyfriend Richard (Dick) breaks up with him, he and his roommate Crowley hijacks an intended couples' vacation and uses it for themselves. Lines that had started to blur even before their trip gets even more blurry - which perhaps isn't the best thing when both are hiding a crush on the other (and communication isn't their strong suit).

make it with you by NaroMoreau (E)

PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY: A romantic couples study!! ------ Aziraphale and Crowley are broke roommates who are struggling to keep up with rent and a harsh landlord. After Crowley loses his job and Aziraphale's bookshop hasn't managed to make enough profit, they'll resort to anything to save what they love, and when they come across with the idea of a paid study for couples... Because some ideas are good until they aren't.

You Can Stay At My Place (And We Can Fall in Love) by IneffableToreshi (E)

Anthony Crowley is an art student with a heart of gold and a broad assumption about himself and his own (apparent lack-of) sexuality. When he meets literary student Aziraphale, he thinks he's found a great friend and possibly the perfect roommate. But when an exceptionally idiotic idea turns into Aziraphale reluctantly agreeing to pretend to be Crowley's boyfriend, Crowley rapidly realizes that he may not have been nearly so asexual as he originally thought...

10,000 Hours by AnnaTheHank (E)

Rich playboy Anthony Crowley has finally broken the last straw. He's been disowned by his grandmother, and turned away by his family. With no money and no where to go, he heads to the old family cabin to lay low until it all blows over. Romance writer A.Z. Fell has been given use of her publisher's cabin to get away from the city and work on her newest book-her first erotica. Neither expected the other to be there, but there they both were. And AZ finds that Crowley's vast knowledge of sex may just make up for her own lacking knowledge when it comes to writing her book.

- Mod D

[teefigotem]

sorry i'm on a Murderbot Diaries kick again so y'all are getting meta. thinking about that one scene in Network Effect that everyone talks about. you know, the “who the fuck are you” “this is nonstandard communication” aka the one where Three discovers the concept of eldritch horror for the first time. beautiful scene 10/10 no notes.

that being said i’m also thinking about a take i’ve seen a few times saying that ART was way scarier to Three than it was to Murderbot and like. I don’t think that’s completely true. not to say that ART wasn’t mean or scary to Three — being told that someone might peel away your organic parts piece by piece will in fact be terrifying any way you spin in.

but like. okay. ART and Three come to an understanding very quickly in NE, arguably quicker than Murderbot and ART in AC. and some of that is due to the difference in Murderbot and Three’s personalities, but i think a lot of that is due to how ART approaches each situation.

(more under the cut)

so like okay. when ART and Murderbot first meet, Murderbot is entirely a wildcard coming aboard ART, and ART responds the way you would to an unknown, unpredictable threat, i.e. with a blatant but somewhat ambiguous show of force. by dropping its walls ART is doing the equivalent of like. brandishing a powerful weapon in your face. it doesn't explicitly tell Murderbot that it will hurt it. in fact, the only things it says to Murderbot are to tell it that it knows that it's a rogue SecUnit and to warn Murderbot not to hack it. this is the type of approach you'd take with someone who you aren't sure even has the capacity to be reasoned with - it demonstrates that it could crush Murderbot like a bug, because this is the only thing it's confident Murderbot will respond to.

the problem with this, from Murderbot's POV, is that, because the threat is implied rather than explicitly stated, there's no reassurance that if Murderbot doesn't try to hack ART then ART will leave it alone in turn. in fact, it spends the moments after this interaction spiraling about what ART wants with it and whether ART specifically let it on board to torture or kill it. i don't think that was ART's intention with the threat, i think it genuinely did not have the context to realize that Murderbot would take the show of force more as a threat of imminent violence than as a warning against attacking it. but, since it didn't have that context, it approached that interaction like one would approach someone with whom you don't see as an equal and don't have any interest in reasoning with.

contrast that to how ART interacts with Three. on the surface, what it says is scarier. its threats are certainly more violent. but they are also explicitly stated if/then statements: if you hurt these humans, then i will do xyz to you. i do know that in mathematical logic there's still no guarantee made in if/then statements that the then won't come to pass regardless, but the specificity of both the threat and the guidelines provides Three with parameters to follow, and implies that if it does then no harm will come to it.

this was notable to me because ART speaks to Three like a person to be negotiated with from the beginning, and that's. well. because it knows enough by now to know that Three is a person, in a way that i'm not sure it knew about Murderbot before seeing Murderbot's memory files of the governor module. it knows before speaking to them that both Murderbot and Three are rogue SecUnits, but its understanding of what a rogue SecUnit is, what it is capable of, and what it might do has profoundly changed between two interactions. even in their first interaction ART treats Three like a person who may be capable of being dangerous, rather than like a loose cannon who could mindlessly commit violence at any minute.

[yiffos-official]

I am willing to give you or anyone else on tumblr the skills and advice the helped me get my dream job

the idea of working for TEK a few months ago would just be a fantasy

my background in education is English. I learned what I know now on my own and only by random chance.

This is why I am so critical of the linux commumity on tumblr.

They're tagging themselves as -official when they can't provide casual end user support.

They're entirely too horny to be in this sphere. Computers and linux should not be about how much you want to fuck/be fucked by X

it will deter end users

This is very cool that you will help other tumblr users with this stuff; i may actually take you up on this at some point :3

(my tone here is /g, /pos, /nm, /lh)

I do, however, kind of disagree with the other points. I think that for any other social media it's correct, twt or fb does not have the culture to make these sorts of parody accounts viable or not-counter-productive to increasing the linux market share. But I don't think that tumblr is the same.

I think that tumblr does. I think the tumblr community has always been this somewhat ephemeral yet perpetual inside joke culture where almost every user is in-the-know, and new users to the joke are able generally able to catch on quickly to it due to their general understanding of they way tumblr communities operate.

IMO, it's a somewhat quick pipeline of:

\> find first "x-official" blog -> assume it's real -> see them horny posting about xenia -> infer that RH corporate would probably not approve of such a blog

I can appreciate that it might be intimidating to seek out help as a new linux user, and especially a new linux & tumblr user, but looking through these blogs, you do see them helping out people ^^. heck, my last post was helping someone getting wayland working on an nvidia system.

The main goal of these blogs is not to be a legitimate CS service to general end-users. they aren't affiliated with the software their blog is named after, so in many cases they *cant*. The goal is instead to foster a community around linux, creating a general network of blogs of the various FOSS projects that they enjoy.

I think that final sentiment, of these blogs detering end users, is most likely counter to their actual effect on end users who are considering switching to linux.

We all know a lot of tumblr is 20 or 30 something year olds who have just stuck around since ~2012ish, and new users to tumblr join with pre-existing knowledge of the culture and platform. Almost anyone coming across these blogs are going to be people who can see the "in" joke, and acclimate. I do highly doubt that a random facebook mom who's son convinced her to install mint on her old laptop would find tumblr, find a -official blog, scroll through said blog, and be detered from using mint.

The other side of this is that any tumblr users who come across these blogs, be it with an inkling of desire to switch to linux or not, will see a vibrant and active community that fits very well into the tumblr community. They remember, or have heard of, the amtrac & OSHA blogs, and are therefore probably aware that this is a pre-existing meme on here.

In all likelyhood, this will probably further incentivize them to make the switch, as they would be more attracted to a community of their peers over a community of redditors telling them to read the arch wiki repeatedly

I can, on the other hand, definitely see that for people who have difficulties with parsing tone, and especially sarcasm, would have trouble with this. TBH, I have these difficulties (hence when I was speaking to you yesterday I used the /unjerk indicator, as I couldn't tell what the tone of the conversation was), and so it took me a little while of being in this weird "I'm 99% sure these *aren't* official, but what if?". I have been there forI think that maybe being more transparent with the fact that the blogs are parodies is probably important. I'm guilty of this, and after i post this, i'll add it to my bio.

[piracytheorist]

Twilight Eyes Project: "Will They Pass or Fail?" (part 2)

Part 1 here

Previous episodes analyses

More anime additions, as we see Twilight make his preparations for the castle visit. Twilight eyes as he listens to his agency's response to his request, though they relax a bit as he notes how fast they were to respond.

I think, in a way, this might communicate how he has little idea of how his fellow spies see him. In both manga and anime, WISE spies run themselves thin in order to assist him, and they're all thankful they even get to see him in the flesh, some even wanting his autograph! Yet he felt embarrassed playing a game with them watching.

He manages to get a plane, and drunk Yor excitedly asks him where he got it, and he seems to struggle putting on his Loid eyes, as he still looks like he can't believe he was dragged into this.

Evidenced by the reluctance on his face, now with Twilight eyes.

Reaching the castle, Anya complains that there are no people around to play as servants and bad guys, and Twilight resorts to asking for help again, and once again his agency pulls through. Despite the help that was so eagerly given, he looks annoyed he has to go through this.

Play is on! In a totally useless charade - since Anya knows everything anyway and Yor is so drunk she's ready to pass out anytime - he pretends to be so very happy for his audience, using Loid eyes.

And while he tries to appear humble, his embarrassment and reluctance shows through.

If only he knew how many people down there were begging for a chance to participate.

Unsurprisingly, Twilight eyes are back on while Franky explains the game,

though they widen in disbelief once Franky instructs the others to give Loid as harder a time as possible - and seems to be really into it.

The game starts, and Twilight at first drags himself on, until he realizes he has to take it seriously if it's to pass quickly and effectively.

And he takes it very seriously.

But, he shouldn't underestimate the resourcefulness of a child when that child wants him to follow her whim. Thus, he fails two out of three questions, and he has no choice but to fall deeper into embarrassment.

He's back to business, however, when it's time to fight through entire groups of fellow agents.

His expressions seem "done" only when it's Anya involved.

Cause when he can pick up even a toy gun and focus on doing the thing, boy he focuses.

Especially if he gets to land a hit on Franky for dragging him into this XD

And as it is known, cool guys don't look at explosions.

However, once he's fought through other spies and avoided rubber balls and… well, explosions, he's ready for this charade to end… but it doesn't, and his tiredness is palpable.

But then, more spies appear around them, and he now has to play the role of Princess Anya's saviour, not just fight his way through traps and "enemies".

And he's not dealing really well with it.

But, it's For The Mission™!

With his entire face blushing, he does a spectacularly bad job at acting like the story's hero, although his coworkers are utterly excited to see him at work.

And then, a wild Yorticia attacks and nearly kicks his head off. He looks at her in utter shock and horror, unable to believe what just happened.

Yor continues her attacks, and all he can manage to do is defend himself as much as he can, though it barely seems enough compared to her strength and fighting skill. He's very much concentrated on it, and he doesn't even have the time to wonder where all that strength and tenacity came from. He's literally fighting for his life here.

Then, Yor breaks though his defense and the shock and fear are back. What is she gonna do next?

She's gonna break her shoe's heel and collapse. Despite the utter shock of the situation, his first action is to ask her if she's okay, realize she just fell asleep, and he then looks relieved. Probably both that she's okay and that she passed out before she could kill him.

Then it's back to dealing with Franky, and he is So Done.

Franky is quickly dealt with, and now he's facing the source of his embarrassment: a child.

Going though this episode, he seems to be perfectly able to concentrate on all the tasks without an issue. It's when he's facing Anya directly that he seems to lose his cool. He was slightly embarrassed asking his agency to come and play the servants and the bad guys, but while facing Anya we get a full-face blush that reaches back to his ears.

It's known to us from the first chapter that children are a sensitive spot for him. Being a spy requires enough detachment from one's feelings that one shouldn't be embarrassed to do anything while a fellow spy watches.

So here, based on the variety of his expressions, I don't think it was the specific context of the "play" that made him mortified - I think it was that it had to do with a child being involved. He's already compromising a ton for the sake of Anya's happiness, and I think what makes him nervous here is that he's showing to everyone how far he's going to make a child happy.

In his mind, he's not supposed to be a real father, only act as one. He's not supposed to really care about Anya's feelings, and he's not supposed to allow others to see he does.

But we know he cares for the happiness of children; it's just that, to ensure that, he's not used to playing with them, but to risking his life and doing shady work. And so, even though he's not invested in the game, it unintentionally brings to the forefront the fact that he cares for a child's happiness.

And maybe that's what Anya sees that makes her run to hug him.

However, spies are still watching, and cheering, to boot, and he's just left there speechless wondering what all that is about.

He'll understand, eventually, we hope.

The anime adds a moment of the other spies leaving between that and the next panel/shot, so here it looks like it's just him and Anya, so when Anya says she's had a lot of fun since leaving the orphanage, he finally relaxes a bit into a more neutral face.

And when she says she'll do her best at school, he smiles at her with what I can easily assume are real eyes.

There isn't really much he needs to do there; Anya is happy, satisfied, motivated to do her best at Eden. For tonight he can consider it a job well done, though I do find it important that Anya's excitement was so big that it even impacted him a little. It isn't just that Anya is motivated to do her part of the mission, it's also that a child had fun overall and felt taken care of. Even though he may not acknowledge it, this has a big value for him.

(no manga spoilers please)

[pand1on]

What's your ideal Shadow characterization wise?

warning I am extremely bad at putting my thoughts into words and also this is a very normal and average take but I will try.

my ideal shadow characterization is a balance between the whole edgy rudeboy thing he has going now and the emotional sadboy of archie.

shadow doesn't feel like shadow if he's not kinda rude and mean on accident (or on purpose). which I think can be the issue in a lot of fan characterizations? when he's just kind of nice and/or sad and always makes appealing decisions it's like. who is that. he's gotta be blunt and making bad decisions for the sake of whatever goal he has in mind to feel like himself.

then the opposite side of it is that I personally find him more appealing when he has a softer side and his own little interests. pre-sgw sonic universe goes a bit overboard with it but I like how he tries to help people even though his communication skills aren't great and he's not great at convincing people of. anything really. the little bit about his bike in SU uhh...21 or 22 was adorable. he has a hobby!! the reason I don't completely love his portrayal there is just that he's a bit too soft and openly emotional, but I still like him a lot.

so. yeah. a little edgy guy who takes things too seriously and is mean on accident and cares about his friends and tries to do what he thinks he should be doing even if he makes really bad decisions along the way.

[panlight]

Another Bella-as-narrator problem is Irina.

In the books, Bella doesn't meet her until the not-fight and only saw her once before that, at a distance. To Bella, she's just the person who ran to the Volturi and reported what she thought was an immortal child. Bella has no reason to like this person or to care that she died. Probably blames her for everything that went down and you know what, that's fair.

But the Cullens? This should have been a much bigger deal to them. They've known Irina and considered her family way longer than they've known Bella! Decades longer! Hell, they've known her longer than they've known Alice and Jasper! They met the Denali coven in the 1930s, Jasper and Alice in 1950.

And sure, they can be angry and upset that she ran to the Volturi without talking to them first, they can resent her for being the reason the Denali wouldn't help in Eclipse. But that doesn't erase decades of family ties. She's also horrified, ashamed and apologetic when she realizes she made a mistake. These people who considered her a 'cousin,' family, just watched her be torn apart and burned. That . . . that should leave some kind of mark!

But she means nothing to Bella so her death means nothing to the story. It SHOULD, though, if the Cullens were given space to have feelings outside of the Bella Bubble. Hell, only Tanya and Kate are upset by it; even Eleazar and Carmen don't seem to care! "The atmosphere of celebration was too much for Tanya and Kate. They needed time to grieve for their lost sister."

I get they're all relieved and happy not to have been destroyed by the Volturi and all, but Irina's death should have been a bigger deal to the rest of the Cullens (and to Carmen and Eleazar).

It would be so easy, too? "We're safe now, Alice and Jasper are back, why is everyone still so glum?" "We've lost a member of our family." "Irina? But she betrayed you!" "Families are complicated, love."

[twilightarcade]

if I was a character I would've gotten non binary headcannoned so hard

[kraniumet]

i think image gen can be used like any other artistic tool but I don't really think the big commerical proponents of "ai" are advertising it as a tool, they're adertising it as a solution. I also think it's intellectually dishonest to argue that image generation is exactly like "using photoshop/taking a photograph" because of some generalized "those were also criticized at their conception for being new and scary and disruptive" soundbite. they were not even really criticized for the same reasons. find a better argument.

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[practically-an-x-man]

Me: *already has too many OCs and writing projects to keep up with*

My brain: *has A Quiet Place OC thoughts*

[ovkl]

I don't think I plan on regurgitating the unpleasant details of what happened here but I will say I'm immediately looking at the situation with a much better mind. I can get psych help again and start the therapy they gave me and get my cranial shit together.

[nullcoast]

Why can't we just love eachother and help eachother and cry for eachother when we hurt and laugh for eachother when we're happy. What happened to radical acceptance and beauty. Why are we self-separating using white suppremist ideas about identity. The idea someone needs some pure property to be worthy of adopting a community is point blank a white suprematist idea. Where is the understanding of mistake and pain.

We are so alone and isolated in this generation and we are playing directly into the interests of those in power by further self-separating. Focus on some important fucking shit.

[beanswithbones]

.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.

It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.

It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.

When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.

Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.

I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.

[emdotcom]

Tbh, can't believe I'm cutting ties with Fnaf before Batim.