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#I dunno about everyone else but I do this a lot
maespri · 2 days
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oh my i never really saw myself making a post like this, but i really wanna talk about morgana! more specifically… why i don’t really understand the hate he receives.
for starters, i know a lot of people dislike mona because he gets on ryuji’s case often. his squabbling with ryuji can get hurtful at times too, i know, but i feel like so many people conveniently leave out the fact that… ryuji returns fire? it’s not as though mona is constantly attacking poor ryuji who can’t defend himself; it’s a two-sided fight throughout most of the game. both of them are constantly fueling the fire. not to mention, it’s a fight that eventually ends. both individuals have great character development (i could talk about it for /ages/, but i digress) that ends with their fighting essentially ceasing entirely. they’re both dumb teenage boys, they both said dumb stuff to each other, and they both hurt each other, and all of that is recognized and left in the past.
the hatred toward mona in general is something i struggle to understand entirely. you hate this cat because he tells you to go to bed? the game would have told you to do that one way or another, because it’s a game. there have to be constraints, or you’d get terribly overpowered incredibly fast. i wholeheartedly agree that mona’s lacking in comparison to the other characters in many ways- but i’ve never hated him, and was surprised to see a lot of people did.
maybe i’m just weirdly empathetic toward fictional characters, but i really liked his storyline. mona’s been with the protagonist since day one, helping him out, staying with him, encouraging and supporting him in everything he does, navigating them through mementos and palaces and battles… and he’s never really appreciated for any of it. obviously, the other phantom thieves do the same and don’t require any extra praise, but morgana already has a complex stemming from the fact that he’s not human. inherently, he believes he’s not nearly as good as any of the others, and subsequently, that he isn’t good enough in general- and he’s so ashamed of that that he can’t even voice the concern to the protagonist pre-okumura’s palace. it made sense to me when he snapped and ran away; if you were constantly the black sheep of a group, unable to engage with anyone unless the guy you live with is always there as well, wouldn’t you yearn for autonomy too? (don’t even get me started on the haru parallels there; there’s a reason morgana snapped during the okumura arc.) if you felt expendable and there wasn’t ever an effort made to prove otherwise, purposeful or not, wouldn’t you also want to leave? to spare both yourself, and the people you’re leaving? i really liked his arc because it led to two realizations- that he was pivotal to the group, and it was fine if he ended up not being a human. (and honestly, he was pivotal to my group… who else would i use to heal everyone outside of battle…!)
anyway, his objectification of women was weird. didn’t like that. but this is a JRPG, and he’s not the only one who does strange things like that at times (why was ryuji looking at ann’s chest in the mona bus outside futaba’s palace man…). honestly, his flirting was also weird at times, but as long as it never got strangely sexual, i didn’t really mind? it’s not like it ever genuinely bothers ann either as far as i remember. it’s more just a stupid thing he does.
anyway… i dunno. i like the kitty. he’s silly, he kept me company, and he made my playthrough fun. life is so much more beautiful when you carry love in your heart rather than resentment
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jelzorz · 2 days
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25. as a 'yes' for sorpeli (or particular number of your choice)
50 ways to kiss someone (sorpeli edition)
25. As a 'yes'
There are a lot of things they don't talk about.
This has been the arrangement from the beginning. That's the thing about forbidden romances, after all: they're forbidden, and if they're going to happen, they'll happen in secret, and secrecy is an entire language on its own. Soren has grown pretty well used to the stolen glances, the metaphors, the lightest lingering touches, and he knows, and has always known, that this is how it has to be, but that doesn't stop him from wondering. It certainly doesn't stop him from wanting more.
Sometimes he even lets himself dream about it: another, simpler life, like in all those poems he's been reading, where he can sing ballads to his lady and wear her favours on his arm.
That's where the problem lies, really. Opeli is a cleric, not a lady, and it's by virtue of that that she cannot be his.
It's been months of this. Of tea in the early mornings and quiet conversations and excuses to be in the same room. They're in the council chambers now, and everyone has left but them, because Opeli is the one who records the minutes and tidies the documents and actions all the decisions everyone else has made, and Soren thinks it's unfair that she should be left to do it on her own. It's weak as far as excuses go, but it's true, and plausible deniability is their greatest weapon in a situation such as theirs.
She looks troubled today anyway, not that anyone else noticed. She has always been good at pretending she has it all under control. It's only recently that Soren has started to notice the little downturn in the corner of her lips and the faraway look in the icy blue of her eyes.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, as he stacks the documents for her and sets them aside.
"Mm," says Opeli. She pauses, her fingers so very close to his. "Everything's fine. My apologies. I've just been... distracted, I think."
Soren raises an eyebrow at her. "Care to share what's been on your mind?"
Opeli says nothing for a moment. She stares at the sky beyond the window, and something about the way she way she sighs reminds him of a bird in a cage looking out at the freedom it doesn't have.
"Do you ever wonder, sometimes, if you made your decision about what to be too young?" she asks at last. She looks at him then, her lips thin, her eyes full of that thing that hangs so heavily between them.
Soren chuckles ruefully. "I dunno," he says. "I think I did a lot when I was younger that I probably shouldn't have. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made recently, though."
"Even still, do you sometimes..." She looks away and inches her fingers towards his without touch them. "Do you sometimes wish things were different?"
The distance between them is so large, so vast, and Soren sets his jaw and crosses it, his fingers very purposefully clasping around hers, his thumb soft over her knuckles. "Yeah," he whispers, bringing them to his lips. "All the time."
They talk no more of it. It's just another thing to add to the list of things they don't say.
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azherwind-art · 2 years
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Some say more than three hours passed before he went to sleep It means nothing that I’m posting this at nearly 3am for me, nothing at all
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kellystar321 · 3 months
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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bmpmp3 · 5 months
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#tfw youre hanging out with friends and u throw out controversial take after controversial take#like its me hi im the hater its me#u wanna hear them? i mean thrm in in like the silliest way possible. its not that serious lol#i hated h4n solo growing up and still do. i dont think i like the writing of ne1l gaim4n and only liked the 1st season of g0od 0mens#i thought the 1st season of 0ur flag was fine and didnt really like the 2nd. i dont think anyone in l0rd of the rings is hot. especially#not 4aragon. leg0las is like whatever. sam is my favorite character. i also didnt like l0rd of the rings when i 1st watched it#the gathering was a watch party for that 1st movie and i like it way more now lol. also i dont like overt romance. i like the implication#of romance. if u kiss onscreen im like 99% of thr time not interested. also while im being a hater. i dont thibk steven king is a good#writer and domt like his books. i like the idea of them. wish they were written by anyone else lol. also im too dyslex1c to read physical#books :-( which no one vibes with bc everyone's a grad student overachiever lol. and back to back it all sounds like im trying to b#contrary but i promise its maybe just that i have weird standards. like i also hated movies about animals growing up. it made me mad that#those movies were trying to manipulate my feelings. like jesus child chill tf out. i would also randomly decide i hated lots of things and#characters. some of which i stand by today but most of which im like lol chill#so idk maybe i just have bad opinions. i also wander the earth wearing outfits that i pick out bc it feels like im playing dressup#and i have unhinged options abt narut0. sas and naru fall into the 1% of kisses i care abt lmao#and unhinged options abt bleach the show. idk maybe im just kinda weird. i also study organisms that most ppl look at as globs of goo#and i used to study bits of dirt. my brain was just build ever so slightly weird. not too weird. just enough that i have quote unquote#controversial takes ans im not afraid to say them in a room full of ppl who disagree with me bc its really not that serious lol#i dunno i just think its kinda funny i guess#im just slightly weird in the least interesting way possible#unrelated#also i don't yuvk other ppls yum im just like ay not for me i guess
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moonshynecybin · 9 days
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thank you for your services in this community 🫡 you played a big part in me giving motogp a chance & I hope you’re well & well & well.
thank u was it the posts about marc’s hole i really hope it was
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angel---eater · 2 months
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no seriously where did the 'dirk strider is a transmed/is transphobic' thing come from and also can we leave it behind already
#caw caw#its especially grating when hes hc'd as a trans man and/or is the only hc'd trans man within the kids cause its like.#i dunno it just feels bad. ive gotta stay off for you pages that shit is Not for me#also yes i have read and like the epilogues. i saw him being surprised about tboy roxy but not transphobic#i saw him slipping up in a normal way but that also isnt transphobia. he also cant see inside roxy's head#like he can with everyone else bc of roxy's aspect so he *genuinely* didnt know rox's internal processes or any kinda changes#he swaps pronouns for roxy at some point bc its implied that tboy roxy doesnt happen as often across timelines#so he defaults to she/her for us the readers for simplicity and imo bc most ppl still use she/her for roxy anyway#thats how i see it anyway. the fandom doesnt even like tboy roxy but he only ever comes up for transmed-dirk#which just feels weird and bad yknow. feels kinda puppet-y. bdumtiss#like i just dont think the guy who said he doesnt even deserve to die next to roxy would do that to him i truly dont#i think a lot of people have an uncharitable view of dirk bc they keep conflating him with bro when#that is NOT the point and wasnt the the point of the striunion or anything wrt paradox clones#bro is bro. we dont know why he is the way he is#but there was also absolutely NOTHING to imply that bro was transphobic. thats pure fanlore and most likely projection#projection isnt bad i need to say. but it is when it cements itself into fanlore and then fanlore changes our view of canon#the point of dirk strider is that he loves. he has a whole ass heart right on his chest for fucks sake#he is literally and figuratively wearing his heart outside of his chest for everyone to see#our t
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shopcat · 6 months
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i think w avatar in my own base... world that i draw/think. in. of. you know what i mean like the main reality to ME that i've developed the pairings would be well zuko sokka and then i can't decide if i prefer mai ty lee and azula having something weird going on where ty lee and azula have been dating for years and mai orbits them orrr suki and/or azula meeting through ty lee being in the kyoshi warriors (and then the classic mai lee) which i think would be a really fun dynamic to be honest i wonder why i haven't seen it much. anyway. yue and jet are also nebulously alive just cuz idc. i like yue katara i think that's cute even if it's still funny to steal ur brothers ex but i justify it by well as much as they were cute they truly went on like one ? date and just liked each other it just so happened to end very dramatically. it would be the same if sokka dated idk... jet ... anyway. though her and aang are still cute. mostly not like i am centring pairings and Shipping and such it's just easier to have things established just thinking things in my mind U_U i also am pondering an au to do with zuko and yue where they're friends and i'll leave it at that bc i think it's a fun idea i haven't seen around. rubs my hands together.
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#🐾#i have a WHOLE thing about the what are they called. azula's angels ?? LMFAO. but i'm hesitant to think too deeply about it#i know people don't like her and ty lee together to begin w which i get i suppose and i am operating off of a world where she's post#redemption and well we know i don't usually vibe with the whole Haha toxic yaoi/yuri tbing i think it's kind of dumb a lot of the time#anyway it would be all worked out and imo no different than like well zuko and sokka. except different bc they were actually friends#and have history together. but neither of them had a quote unquote HEALTHY dynamic beforehand#anyways#it's hard being an eons long z-kka truther bc to be honest i think katara and azula would be so funny#but they simply cannot exist at the same time i refuse. i've said this before AND I MEAN#there's literally nothing technically wrong with it i've even known people who have like had a sibling dating their partners sibling too#it's just Slightly too much ... much like suki and katara like they FOR REAL dated longterm and i would say were in love#her and sokka i mean#and i don't like idk using au's to be like so this can happen i find that dumb anddd what's the word. idk it's just silly to me#i'm too black and white thinking for things like this mannnn. halo#*HALP#like the fun of idk fan works is things can all exist at once u can have multiple aus and pairings and such#and i can do that mostly but sometimes i'm like BAH too much work. or i don't like the other pairings w those characters#but i can't wrap my head around using an au to be like JUST so this can exist outside of the Established World we already have#ie a world where suki and sokka never dated to begin w or something like i don't knowwww#just bc like how would everyone ELSE know that only YOU know that unless it's just for One singular work and then it's like where's the fun#in that... i dunno i gues i don't even really mean it like that either#i honestly am just talking to talk right now hi guys
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curiouschaosstarlight · 10 months
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(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)
-claps-
So.
On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma
The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.
I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)
So It Really.
Really.
Bothers Me.
When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".
And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again) Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.
Yeah.
I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.
And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.
Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!
But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.
There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.
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myrtaceaae · 2 years
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Ok I am going to be a bitch but I hate when people talk about "seeing lights flickering" or "hearing constant buzzing" or "feeling like *insert texture* is like sandpaper" and talk about them as if only one diagnosis of people experience that.
Plenty of people without that diagnosis experience it! In fact I would go as far as to say that neurotypical people experience that as well!
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truly thinking of like Just Being Yourself as a supposed matter of being More spontaneous and not being caught up in your own head about it or whatever, but then the nd perspective (and really potentially anyone who’s Being Themself isn’t sufficiently of the “normal”) wherein it’s like, the more everyday / usual approach is of course to filter oneself / mask, but you don’t even know that until you learn of it and then like, think through it re: yourself, and then doing Less of that and figuring out what you do when you’re not masking Is like, added effort and a conscious process. and how things can involve not just tamping down xyz but adding in various behaviors for others’ sake, or just that like, things you haven’t Yet tamped down at all b/c you think they’re things you’re doing Right or Have To Do / i.e. would be covered under masking anyways if you didn’t do them “enough” already, but then it’s like, maybe this is generally a waste of my energy at best if not also effectively punished lmao and even if i’d “naturally” do it, again it can be matter of consciously Choosing not to, not b/c it’s not being yourself, but just b/c of using that awareness to like, i’m not going to do that in the majority of situations but i know it’s because of other people’s nonsense. that’s me and like, [talking] lately lol
and certainly it’s like. oh haven’t found yourself in time for college, better go to a house party or something elevated and conveniently more interesting to look at than a scene in a high school hallway, y.a. protagonist, and follow your increasing rate of impulsive decisions to the core of Your Truth like a geiger counter lmao, quick....i mean not like anyone has to have their life figured out by eighteen b/c that’s just not how it works anyways, or like you either have your secret realest self under lock and key to just be let out eventually here or like yeah better find it on one especial occasion, and that occasion should be about cutting loose & shit, like oh well if you just max out the volume on everything you’re feeling by elevating it all enough you’ll overhear your realest self and everyone who matters will be like oh hell yeah, in recognition of the authenticity of that drama lol....like oh believe me my Real Self has spontaneity and vivacity and passion and elevation, of the kind nt people will like, only ascribe and relate to a context of romance or some shit, like that’s a wednesday maybe b/c of having fun with xyz, couldn’t be me but i guess have fun with when like, people just like don’t have the humor or theatricality (or ability to have exchanges with other people that aren’t competitions / an issued challenge or threat) where it’s like oh someone could only be being fun or playful or energetic if they’re a bit fucked up actually, i.e. drunk surely. like well no that can just be personality & choices, including being what you think is a bit fucked up b/c being nd is surely incorrect & certainly abnormal, which is incorrect, so same difference....but anyways it can be its own choice all the time to actually share all those supposedly properly Elevated [being oneself] properties around anyone else, and even then of course it’s like, results vary with who likes it vs thinks it’s clearly doing too much / nobody doing that could Really be being themself, bring out that normaller you who must exist, or it can maybe be entertaining so long as you just do it on your own and nobody has to figure out how to have an interaction about it b/c [the concept of how to interact w/other ppl on their terms???]
honorary addendum for truly how “performative” might generally be used in some negative context but it’s like, we are all performing every day lol, congrats to the people who again think oh i’m Just being Normal, you just learned that particular performance and don’t have to be conscious about what you might be doing wrong or how to act differently b/c it wasn’t relevant for you to Have to....its being like more genuine than anything to of course be consciously performing in some way / to some degree while other people in turn consciously recognize this, vs when people think they’re being Genuine / Acting Natural but it’s just a particular performance they learned that they can’t even switch out of b/c they don’t know it’s a performance and/or can’t/won’t acknowledge there’s other modes of expression/communication that are no less real, performance has its purposes and it’s not all like well people are just trying to Trick you into thinking that’s how they really are / the only way they can be; how can anyone Really act like that, any affectation should be dropped, can’t believe everyone isn’t Just Being Normal as hard as i am, b/c i get to encounter all these other people who Get Me and/or i sure don’t encounter obstacles / pushback over what seems to be nothing / my just behaving naturally and neutrally, so i must be the expert on the rightest way to be, f for everyone who’s clearly like being too weird or rude or thoughtless and etc
#the difference too between like. using whatever Emotional / Elevated Impulse as handy momentum to do what you already know you'd want to#vs. to just be like well this is for doing what i'd just never even choose / intend to do otherwise....dunno about that one lol#not that anyone has to submit like either Peak Elevation / Passion or else Peak Stoicism / Sobriety as the Truest Way Guiding Light either#but engaging in whatever various modes / approaches across the spectrum of experiences and routes can sure be Conscious either way....#when it comes to taking some approach and/or to just keeping tabs on how it's going along the way / afterwards...#Just Being Yourself as this very like cerebral(tm) conscious deliberate process when as soon as you first ever tried that it's been rejected#so eventually after getting a lot of information and turning it over for eons you probably have to push Against emotional reflexes to like#be more yourself / be more unfiltered/not attuned to what other people might want or tbh accept without more rejection / punishment#and of course just that like. probably your Realer Self just isn't something everyone should get to interact with#b/c it goes right back to the original problem of like that social rejection / punishment having started immediately and not stopped#so that it's difficult to go ''oh maybe i'm nd'' rather than just having it internalized that smthing's wrong w/you / you just suck or smthg#like well it's still gonna continue even as you're in the process of being more conscious of everything going on there / not blaming oneself#like i love to talk actually and i will continue to v rarely talk b/c that's really just a For My Own Sake choice lol
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dewgongs · 12 days
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i helped my mom cook dinner and we bonded a bit, its one of my favorite foods ever which is chicken broccoli alfredo.. i feel happy. i took more trash out of my room and im happy about it too... ive been getting more interested in photography... its pretty nice out today. its not as hot as yesterday. yesterday was very stagnant and hot... each day i do something that is worth doing, each day has been longer and more fuffilling. i feel like ive been remembering my days better...
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transmasc-tabris · 2 months
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
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#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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defiant-firefly · 6 months
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(I've had my chatty medicines so you get a post about this)
There is something distinctly and uniquely alienating and bizarre about hearing people say 'Easter Sunday is the most religious day of the year'. Like, when was this?? If it's so religious and so so so important, how come no one thought to tell me it was religious until like four or five years ago?
Yeah it's kinda funny but I'm also sat there every time like "what the fuck are you talking about". The assumption I was raised Christian and am Christian via culture is really funny though cause like. Bro I have no fucking clue what any of this stuff is about.
My parents never taught me the majority of this shit. Anyone else assumed I already knew about it. This Easter talk I've been hearing about a weird amount more than normal is all new to me and making me think of all this shit lmao
#no I'm not joking about only realising it was religious a handful of years back#but it IS weird to see people talk about what MUST be my default beliefs given my country and just#very little of it being true?? I don't see a lot of this talk at the moment I just heard my dad talking about easter and it got me thinking#so don't mind me really but like.#as an example of what I mean. its assumed christian cultures push the belief of going to heaven when you die#it's probably true! but not for me. I was raised to belief that when you died you became a star in the sky#specifically on the first night you were the brightest star in the sky so everyone could see you#APPARENTLY this is greek?? I dunno man but it's not heaven lmao#there were loads of little every day things I remember seeing a while back that were listed as this stuff too#and I don't remember them at all but there were only a few there that I recognised as my own beliefs#i feel like i was raised culturally... i guess blank? so I picked up my own beliefs over time??#does that make sense?? is that a thing?? actually wondering if it's just me that gets this#cause it was only two years ago I found out valentines was a saints thing#wondering if anyone else was just raised with a 'I dunno its whatever' thing instead of a culturally religious thing#cause it IS weird seeing posts treating this knowledge as something everyone has I dunno#but ANYWAY it's funny sitting there while people are stunned you didn't know about the 'most religious day of the year'#my mans my only religious experiences were very VERY brief and I was mostly annoyed I couldn't eat the gummy bears on the impaled orange#what in the fuck is that about btw??? honestly what's the deal with that one???#why is there a whole service revolving around an orange with a bunch of cocktail sticks in it???#I don't even remember when that was I think it was end of the year time or something???#there was nothing to do so obviously my child self wasn't interested at all in anything but the orange#I need to look this up now I guess but without the context I'm supposed to have apparently this genuinely sounds batshit insane#I don't remember what I was talking about imma hit post and forget this whole thing and not reread anything#firefly life#<- probably. I don't remember
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