oh my i never really saw myself making a post like this, but i really wanna talk about morgana! more specifically… why i don’t really understand the hate he receives.
for starters, i know a lot of people dislike mona because he gets on ryuji’s case often. his squabbling with ryuji can get hurtful at times too, i know, but i feel like so many people conveniently leave out the fact that… ryuji returns fire? it’s not as though mona is constantly attacking poor ryuji who can’t defend himself; it’s a two-sided fight throughout most of the game. both of them are constantly fueling the fire. not to mention, it’s a fight that eventually ends. both individuals have great character development (i could talk about it for /ages/, but i digress) that ends with their fighting essentially ceasing entirely. they’re both dumb teenage boys, they both said dumb stuff to each other, and they both hurt each other, and all of that is recognized and left in the past.
the hatred toward mona in general is something i struggle to understand entirely. you hate this cat because he tells you to go to bed? the game would have told you to do that one way or another, because it’s a game. there have to be constraints, or you’d get terribly overpowered incredibly fast. i wholeheartedly agree that mona’s lacking in comparison to the other characters in many ways- but i’ve never hated him, and was surprised to see a lot of people did.
maybe i’m just weirdly empathetic toward fictional characters, but i really liked his storyline. mona’s been with the protagonist since day one, helping him out, staying with him, encouraging and supporting him in everything he does, navigating them through mementos and palaces and battles… and he’s never really appreciated for any of it. obviously, the other phantom thieves do the same and don’t require any extra praise, but morgana already has a complex stemming from the fact that he’s not human. inherently, he believes he’s not nearly as good as any of the others, and subsequently, that he isn’t good enough in general- and he’s so ashamed of that that he can’t even voice the concern to the protagonist pre-okumura’s palace. it made sense to me when he snapped and ran away; if you were constantly the black sheep of a group, unable to engage with anyone unless the guy you live with is always there as well, wouldn’t you yearn for autonomy too? (don’t even get me started on the haru parallels there; there’s a reason morgana snapped during the okumura arc.) if you felt expendable and there wasn’t ever an effort made to prove otherwise, purposeful or not, wouldn’t you also want to leave? to spare both yourself, and the people you’re leaving? i really liked his arc because it led to two realizations- that he was pivotal to the group, and it was fine if he ended up not being a human. (and honestly, he was pivotal to my group… who else would i use to heal everyone outside of battle…!)
anyway, his objectification of women was weird. didn’t like that. but this is a JRPG, and he’s not the only one who does strange things like that at times (why was ryuji looking at ann’s chest in the mona bus outside futaba’s palace man…). honestly, his flirting was also weird at times, but as long as it never got strangely sexual, i didn’t really mind? it’s not like it ever genuinely bothers ann either as far as i remember. it’s more just a stupid thing he does.
anyway… i dunno. i like the kitty. he’s silly, he kept me company, and he made my playthrough fun. life is so much more beautiful when you carry love in your heart rather than resentment
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25. as a 'yes' for sorpeli (or particular number of your choice)
50 ways to kiss someone (sorpeli edition)
25. As a 'yes'
There are a lot of things they don't talk about.
This has been the arrangement from the beginning. That's the thing about forbidden romances, after all: they're forbidden, and if they're going to happen, they'll happen in secret, and secrecy is an entire language on its own. Soren has grown pretty well used to the stolen glances, the metaphors, the lightest lingering touches, and he knows, and has always known, that this is how it has to be, but that doesn't stop him from wondering. It certainly doesn't stop him from wanting more.
Sometimes he even lets himself dream about it: another, simpler life, like in all those poems he's been reading, where he can sing ballads to his lady and wear her favours on his arm.
That's where the problem lies, really. Opeli is a cleric, not a lady, and it's by virtue of that that she cannot be his.
It's been months of this. Of tea in the early mornings and quiet conversations and excuses to be in the same room. They're in the council chambers now, and everyone has left but them, because Opeli is the one who records the minutes and tidies the documents and actions all the decisions everyone else has made, and Soren thinks it's unfair that she should be left to do it on her own. It's weak as far as excuses go, but it's true, and plausible deniability is their greatest weapon in a situation such as theirs.
She looks troubled today anyway, not that anyone else noticed. She has always been good at pretending she has it all under control. It's only recently that Soren has started to notice the little downturn in the corner of her lips and the faraway look in the icy blue of her eyes.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, as he stacks the documents for her and sets them aside.
"Mm," says Opeli. She pauses, her fingers so very close to his. "Everything's fine. My apologies. I've just been... distracted, I think."
Soren raises an eyebrow at her. "Care to share what's been on your mind?"
Opeli says nothing for a moment. She stares at the sky beyond the window, and something about the way she way she sighs reminds him of a bird in a cage looking out at the freedom it doesn't have.
"Do you ever wonder, sometimes, if you made your decision about what to be too young?" she asks at last. She looks at him then, her lips thin, her eyes full of that thing that hangs so heavily between them.
Soren chuckles ruefully. "I dunno," he says. "I think I did a lot when I was younger that I probably shouldn't have. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made recently, though."
"Even still, do you sometimes..." She looks away and inches her fingers towards his without touch them. "Do you sometimes wish things were different?"
The distance between them is so large, so vast, and Soren sets his jaw and crosses it, his fingers very purposefully clasping around hers, his thumb soft over her knuckles. "Yeah," he whispers, bringing them to his lips. "All the time."
They talk no more of it. It's just another thing to add to the list of things they don't say.
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(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)
-claps-
So.
On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma
The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.
I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)
So It Really.
Really.
Bothers Me.
When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".
And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again)
Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.
Yeah.
I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.
And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.
Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!
But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.
There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.
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truly thinking of like Just Being Yourself as a supposed matter of being More spontaneous and not being caught up in your own head about it or whatever, but then the nd perspective (and really potentially anyone who’s Being Themself isn’t sufficiently of the “normal”) wherein it’s like, the more everyday / usual approach is of course to filter oneself / mask, but you don’t even know that until you learn of it and then like, think through it re: yourself, and then doing Less of that and figuring out what you do when you’re not masking Is like, added effort and a conscious process. and how things can involve not just tamping down xyz but adding in various behaviors for others’ sake, or just that like, things you haven’t Yet tamped down at all b/c you think they’re things you’re doing Right or Have To Do / i.e. would be covered under masking anyways if you didn’t do them “enough” already, but then it’s like, maybe this is generally a waste of my energy at best if not also effectively punished lmao and even if i’d “naturally” do it, again it can be matter of consciously Choosing not to, not b/c it’s not being yourself, but just b/c of using that awareness to like, i’m not going to do that in the majority of situations but i know it’s because of other people’s nonsense. that’s me and like, [talking] lately lol
and certainly it’s like. oh haven’t found yourself in time for college, better go to a house party or something elevated and conveniently more interesting to look at than a scene in a high school hallway, y.a. protagonist, and follow your increasing rate of impulsive decisions to the core of Your Truth like a geiger counter lmao, quick....i mean not like anyone has to have their life figured out by eighteen b/c that’s just not how it works anyways, or like you either have your secret realest self under lock and key to just be let out eventually here or like yeah better find it on one especial occasion, and that occasion should be about cutting loose & shit, like oh well if you just max out the volume on everything you’re feeling by elevating it all enough you’ll overhear your realest self and everyone who matters will be like oh hell yeah, in recognition of the authenticity of that drama lol....like oh believe me my Real Self has spontaneity and vivacity and passion and elevation, of the kind nt people will like, only ascribe and relate to a context of romance or some shit, like that’s a wednesday maybe b/c of having fun with xyz, couldn’t be me but i guess have fun with when like, people just like don’t have the humor or theatricality (or ability to have exchanges with other people that aren’t competitions / an issued challenge or threat) where it’s like oh someone could only be being fun or playful or energetic if they’re a bit fucked up actually, i.e. drunk surely. like well no that can just be personality & choices, including being what you think is a bit fucked up b/c being nd is surely incorrect & certainly abnormal, which is incorrect, so same difference....but anyways it can be its own choice all the time to actually share all those supposedly properly Elevated [being oneself] properties around anyone else, and even then of course it’s like, results vary with who likes it vs thinks it’s clearly doing too much / nobody doing that could Really be being themself, bring out that normaller you who must exist, or it can maybe be entertaining so long as you just do it on your own and nobody has to figure out how to have an interaction about it b/c [the concept of how to interact w/other ppl on their terms???]
honorary addendum for truly how “performative” might generally be used in some negative context but it’s like, we are all performing every day lol, congrats to the people who again think oh i’m Just being Normal, you just learned that particular performance and don’t have to be conscious about what you might be doing wrong or how to act differently b/c it wasn’t relevant for you to Have to....its being like more genuine than anything to of course be consciously performing in some way / to some degree while other people in turn consciously recognize this, vs when people think they’re being Genuine / Acting Natural but it’s just a particular performance they learned that they can’t even switch out of b/c they don’t know it’s a performance and/or can’t/won’t acknowledge there’s other modes of expression/communication that are no less real, performance has its purposes and it’s not all like well people are just trying to Trick you into thinking that’s how they really are / the only way they can be; how can anyone Really act like that, any affectation should be dropped, can’t believe everyone isn’t Just Being Normal as hard as i am, b/c i get to encounter all these other people who Get Me and/or i sure don’t encounter obstacles / pushback over what seems to be nothing / my just behaving naturally and neutrally, so i must be the expert on the rightest way to be, f for everyone who’s clearly like being too weird or rude or thoughtless and etc
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