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opbackgrounds · 4 years

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so I was doing some research after watching movie 6...

...and apparently it was originally written as a comedy

Yeah, I was surprised, too

Baron Omatsuri is not my favorite One Piece movie—Film Z has too many of my favorite tropes to be usurped from that position—but I do think it is the most daring. Of all the supplemental material I’ve seen and read, it feels the least...One Piece-ish.

Yes, that includes the noodle commercials.

If you haven’t seen the movie and can stomach a little spookiness, do yourself a favor and give it a watch. Unlike movies like Strong World or Z that have the look and feel of a manga arc, Movie 6 transplants the Straw Hat Pirates into a world that doesn’t feel like a One Piece story, taking risks and exploring themes that would never fit in the manga proper.

In addition to the obvious changes in art and animation style, there are supernatural elements that don’t make sense within the One Piece world. None of the Straw Hats win a fight—Luffy included, although he is heavily implied to have killed the big bad at the end. The moral of the movie, if it can be said to have a moral, is if you lose the people closest to you, the answer is to forget about them and make new friends. The story ends with many questions left unanswered and the main drama between the crew unresolved.

And, if you allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I wish there were more movies like it. As I wrote in my review of Novel A, I don’t go to supplemental material or side stories looking for a repeat of what’s in the manga. Oda has written 1000 chapters of One Piece—why not spice things up a little and try something different for a change?

I know the answer isn’t that simple, and by their very nature not all risks will pan out. There will be people who don’t like this movie because it’s different, both in look and tone. But there’s something to be said about a creator putting their heart and soul into a work and having it show in the final product.

Which brings us back to the original premise. How does a movie go from a light-hearted comedy based on a variety show theme to...this

Baron Omatsuri was directed by Mamoru Hosoda and came out in 2005. To put that into perspective, the movie was in production when the Luffy vs Usopp fight was first seen in the manga. Manga!Luffy had not yet faced the challenge of an inter-crew disputes when the story was being written and boarded, nor did the creative team have the events of Sabaody and Marineford to see how Luffy would react to the loss of his loved ones. They were working without a full understanding of Luffy’s character, and to a lessor extent the character of the Straw Hat Pirates, and it seems like Oda was much less involved In production than has been in movies since Strong World and beyond.

Likewise, Hosoda had just left a tumultuous situation at Studio Ghibli while working on Howl’s Moving Castle, and if this interview is anything to go by (https://instrangeaeonsblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/mamoru-hosoda-on-omatsuri-danshaku-animestyle-interview-part-1/) was going through a lot of personal shit when he was brought on as director. The script he was given was originally written like a variety show—something that was carried over into the various trials seen in the final movie—and meant to be a lighthearted affair after the relatively serious Movie 5 (which I have not seen am thus unable to compare tone).

With that backstory in mind, it’s easy to see how the bickering and backbiting between the Straw Hats early in the movie is a metaphor for Hosoda’s time at Ghibli, which is something he admits to in the interview. Movie 6 feels different than any other One Piece movie because it’s the project of a man who has had to endure the loss of those who he was close with, at least in a professional capacity.

There are moments in Movie 6 where Luffy doesn’t feel like Luffy. More than once a member of the Straw Hats ask him to intervene during arguments, moments Luffy either ignores or doesn’t notice. It’s a version of Water 7 where instead of fighting Usopp, Luffy ignores the underlying differences within his crew, and as a result loses everybody.

The structure of the three trials follows a clear path of deterioration within the crew, the initial goldfish scooping game showing the Straw Hats at their best and inciting the jealousy of the Baron, the ring toss sowing discord among the crew even as they snatch a narrow victory, only for them to be utterly crushed in the third and final challenge as they’re unable help one another survive.

It is somewhat implied that the Breaking of the Fellowship(TM) is magical in nature—that like the One Ring, the Lily Carnation was able to influence the Straw Hat’s thoughts and actions, but this is never stated outright and I prefer the more mundane interpretation: That without strong leadership the Straw Hats fell victim to the manipulative machinations of the Baron, and simply self-destructed as a result. In the end, it’s up to the interpretation of the viewer.

And speaking of things up to interpretation, I love how the Lily Carnation isn’t explained in the slightest. The plant that initially absorbs the Straw Hats looks more like the stem of a devil fruit than a flower, it for some reason rings like a gong when hit, and somehow is able to turn pieces of itself into facsimile of the Baron’s old crew who can somehow move around despite being plans. It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and the element of the unknown works so well in the horror-lite setting.

My personal theory is the island somehow managed to eat a devil fruit which manifests itself as the Lily Carnation (which due to the L/R conflation in Japanese, is pronounced ‘reincarnation’, which I think is a nice touch of foreshadowing that may or may not have been intentional).

(Also, I can’t decide if little chewing animation it makes when it’s eating people or the weird bullseyes it makes when shit gets real are the most terrifying thing in the movie.)

Hmmm, tasty.

Anyway, this is getting long, so here are some final thoughts:

1) This movie has some low key fantastic outfits. The Straw Hats all look very cool without being over designed like a lot of recent movies. Big hat Robin is of course a fave, and makes me really want to see her in a Carmen Sandiego getup.

2) Screenshots do not do the animation of the movie justice. It’s very fluid and has a lot of excellent expressions/poses, although I admit the 3D is jarring at times. Do not let the art put you off if you haven’t seen it

3) Also, I don’t think there’s any shading? Like at all? The movie does a lot of cool stuff with color instead. For example, the scene where Luffy initially loses to the Baron his skin goes all grey, and I thought it was because he was fighting at night, but it stays grey even in the better lighting of the underground tunnels and stays that way until he finds out the Straw Hats are still alive, where it returns to his normal color

4) There’s an extended Benny Hill-type gag when Luffy first chases after the little mustache pirate that’s perfectly timed to the music, and ends when Luffy just uses his power to grab him. The comedic timing is amazing and it’s probably my favorite funny moment in the movie, of which there are several despite the overall darker tone

5) The extended jungle shot from Nami’s POV? Very cool

6) I love how from the earliest scenes nothing is as it seems. The opening text is Robin reading the map, but the storm that’s seen on screen is the one that sank the Baron’s crew. Likewise the whole fancy city is shown to be fake panels early on, the goldfish catching game is a trap, etc., etc. It does a good job clueing the viewer in early that’s something’s very wrong on the island, even if they don’t realize it at first

7) I don’t think this type of movie would work in modern One Piece without somehow nerfing Luffy. Horror works best when the protagonist is weak and vulnerable, and that fits best with a pre-Gear 2/3 Luffy (same with the rest of the crew, tbh. I was waiting for Nami to use her lightning stick during the games, forgetting it hadn’t been boosted yet).

8) I like how there are four captains on the island representing different levels of loss—the Baron has lost his crew and wants to destroy all others because of it, mustache pirate lost his crew and is willing to put it behind him to make new friends, Luffy has freshly lost his crew and hasn’t decided what path he will go, and coward dad hasn’t lost his crew yet but is at risk if he doesn’t change his cowardly ways

9) I think the reason why Chopper was the first Straw Hat to disappear is he’s the most likely to play the part of peacemaker. He’s also the only crew member needing rescuing at the end of the goldfish scoop game, when Luffy foolishly puts his life at risk trying to save him from drowning, just like he recklessly charges the Baron at the end of the movie. Except that time there was no Sanji to save him, leaving Luffy to get his ass thoroughly kicked

10) This is a very good Halloween movie, and I’m glad I watched it in October

#opbackgrounds #long post #movie 6 #review #one piece #Baron Omatsuri

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underachievers-please-try-harder · 3 years

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Interview // Clairo

For The Guardian. Read online.

Exuding all the effusive pride of a new parent, Claire Cottrill is showing me photos of Joanie, her rescue dog and the muse for her forthcoming album, Sling. “She’s actually really bossy,�� the Massachusetts-raised artist better known as Clairo chuckles over Zoom, holding her phone close to the laptop screen so I can see the Instagram post more clearly. “But she’s so funny. We have such a special bond.”

According to a DNA test, the sandy-furred pup is mostly chow chow and great pyrenees, with a little bit of boxer and lab in the mix, which accounts for the fact she has tripled in size in the six-and-a-bit months since her adoption. “She was a little wolf baby; a peanut!” the 22-year-old singer-songwriter exclaims, mooning nostalgically over one particular image depicting the then seven-week-old puppy peeking out of some bushes.

Dog ownership might have become quite the ultimate lockdown cliche, but for Cottrill committing to a pet represented a rare opportunity to lay down some roots. Certainly, pre-pandemic she hadn’t had much chance to pursue a life of quiet domesticity; not since the autumn of 2018 at least, when the lo-fi bedroom pop of Pretty Girl went viral, just weeks after she started college in Syracuse.

Its winningly DIY video racked up more than 1.5m YouTube views pretty much overnight (it now stands at almost 75m), and Cottrill was heralded as a vital new voice, and part of a wave of creatively autonomous, emotionally articulate Gen Z artists, alongside the likes of Billie Eilish and Rex Orange County.

Cottrill’s rapid rise – not to mention her signing with the Fader label and Chance the Rapper’s management team – was not without controversy. A small but vocal subset on Reddit circulated the rumour that Cottrill was an “industry plant”, a conclusion they arrived at following their discovery that her father Geoff was previously chief marketing officer at Converse and co-founder of its affiliated recording studio Rubber Tracks. She has recently addressed the allegations directly, telling Rolling Stone, “I definitely am not blind to the fact that things have been easier for me.”

Largely though, Cottrill has sought to prove her detractors wrong through the quality of her compositions. First came Diary 001, an esoteric, six-track set mining skeletal hip-hop and the wipe-clean grooves of PC Music-inspired pop. That was followed in August 2019 by Immunity, the full-length debut she co-produced with ex-Vampire Weekend man Rostam Batmanglij. More revelatory than Diary 001, it detailed a suicide attempt (Alewife) and her struggles with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (I Wouldn’t Ask You) with striking candour. Sonically, it paired tender, electronics-tinged introspection with swooning guitar-pop. Sofia, which now boasts 280m streams on Spotify, catapulted Cottrill into another league of fame entirely, leading to collaborations with Charli XCX, Mura Masa and Arlo Parks, plus arena tours in support of Khalid and Tame Impala.

Cottrill was busy with the latter when Covid hit the US. On hearing the news, she headed straight to Atlanta, Georgia, to see out lockdown with family, a period of isolation originally scheduled to last a fortnight but which went on for eight months.

Just how intense was it spending the best part of a year holed up with her parents? “It was awesome,” she insists, now back at the Brooklyn apartment she shares with fellow musicians and former college pals Claud and Josh Mehling. “My older sister came home as well. And I found it interesting that no matter how much you’ve progressed as an adult in your own life, the family roles revert back to exactly how it was as a kid.”

First and foremost, enforced confinement provided the opportunity for Cottrill to deepen her relationship with her mother.

“The conversations I had with my mom about motherhood, and the things she sacrificed for us, are really important to me,” she says. “Also, it’s like you don’t actually know who your mother is before she’s Mom, before she’s Wife, because there isn’t a huge documentation of who she was as an individual. And I realised that I might be in the period of my life now where I’m in my individual phase: before I am Mom, before I am Wife, or whatever I end up being. It was a bit scary to recognise that I could eventually have a family, and then this whole identity that I’ve had on my own for a long time can, in some ways, disappear.”

These existential ideas form the basis of Cottrill’s much-anticipated second album. Recorded in the autumn of 2020 at Allaire Studios – situated on a mountain top in upstate New York – Sling finds Jack Antonoff co-producing. Perhaps more significantly, the record also features backing vocals from Lorde – on Reaper as well as the lead single Blouse – an alliance that led to Cottrill returning the favour on the New Zealander’s latest, Solar Power.

“I met Lorde [when I was] on FaceTime with Jack,” she says of the link-up. “He was like: ‘Hey, I’m with a friend, can we say hi?’, and it was Lorde. And I freaked out, of course, but she’s the nicest person ever.

“We talked a lot about how cool it was in the Laurel Canyon era, where people would secretly do background vocals on each other’s music – like Joni Mitchell with Carole King – rather than as a way to benefit the business side of things. Back then it was just like: ‘I love your voice: will you lend your talent to my song?’ So that’s what I asked her, and I was just lucky enough that she wanted me on hers as well.”

The legacy of Laurel Canyon looms over Sling, which swaps the sparse electronic flourishes of Immunity for lush, acoustic folk, often embellished with swooning vocal harmonies, delicate strings and the warm swell of brass. Reference points for the record included Hejira-era Mitchell, the Carpenters and Harry Nilsson, alongside less obvious touchpoints, such as cult jazz musician Blossom Dearie. Most influential, perhaps, was Innocence & Despair by the Langley Schools Music Project, which features a choir of 1970s school kids covering hits of the day, and has since been hailed as a significant piece of outsider art.

“To me, that record merged my two worlds for Sling,” Cottrill explains. “I wanted that warm 70s feeling, but also I was thinking so much about kids, and especially the clumsy, sweet kid that Joanie embodies.”

There is a darker side to the record too, as Cottrill grapples with the reality of life navigating an industry that she memorably describes – on Bambi – as “a universe designed against my own beliefs”. On Blouse she describes her experiences being sexualised by record execs, while on Management she parodies the industry’s fascination with youth in lines like “She’s only 22”.

“[The attitude is] ‘There’s a lot more that we can squeeze out of her before she’s done.’ Because I think that what this industry does a lot is drain young women of everything until they’re not youthful any more.”

For Cottrill, as much as Sling is an album, it is a document of her endeavours to reassess what it is she wants from life. And adopting Joanie was only the first step: in two weeks’ time she plans to move into the house she recently purchased, in a tiny Massachusetts town in close proximity to both the Berkshire and Catskill mountains.

“It’s so awful that it took something like lockdown happening for me to reevaluate how I wanted to move forward. But it’s now about putting my mental health first, because I deserve to have nice things that I do care about. [Things] outside of music, like a house and a dog.”

As we say goodbye, I get another glimpse of Joanie, who has been snoozing throughout the interview. Sprawled on the floor at the end of Cottrill’s bed, blissfully unaware of her significance in our conversations, it’s a pretty fitting encapsulation of the pace of life that Cottrill has finally embraced.

#interview #interviews #tearsheet #tearsheets #guardian #the guardian #the guide #clairo #sling #claire cottrill

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mimik-u · 3 years

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Fragments III, 1-100

300 drabbles about Steven Universe/Future, 100 words each! These are the first 100 prompts and writer’s choices that have been fulfilled.

Asterisks are placed next to my personal favorites that I’ve written.

Baggage* — Steven meets his new therapist!

Eternity —How about a Bellow interaction you've always wanted to see in canon but didn't get to?

Foe —Jasper is simultaneously satisfied and yet left deeply empty inside by her self-isolation on Earth, and doesn't understand how to even begin to process this dichotomy. (So she doesn’t.)

Letter — Young Greg's POV when he wrote those letters to his parents Steven found on Mr. Universe episode.

Sword —Connie interacting with someone she doesn't usually talk to by herself (ex Jasper, Bismuth, Lapis, etc.).

Reconciliation — Idk about you but I wanna see more Mega Pearl. The others have not met Mega Pearl.

Marks —How about... Spinel, and the tiny, everyday baby steps towards healing?

Tangled — Peridot finds out/is told about PD/RQ? (And is confirmed in her guess that Pearl is fancy...?)

Challenge* — How is Steven’s TubeTube channel doing?

Bruises — Priyanka tends to Connie's wounds after training sessions with Pearl. [Writer’s Choice]

Rest* — Yellow Diamond gets to relax. (She's the one who most expresses regret and real understanding. Let her take a nap! She deserves it!)

Barbecue* — Post-movie, during cleanup, Steven and Lars talk and plan the BBQ we got a glimpse at during the final song.

Ghost — Yellowtail and Greg talk about fatherhood and how it can be ruined (mentioning Marty and Greg's father subtly).

UNO* — Date between Pearls (platonic or otherwise).

Height — The pebbles!!! They're so small???? Where are they? *Sobs, points at the Heaven and Earth Beetles.*

Embrace — Steven gets a well-deserved cuddle pile from family and friends.

Constructs — Bismuth and Peridot have a lot more in common than they think.

Horns — Amethyst makes an unexpected new friend at Little Homeschool. (Whichever other character you feel would fit best!)

Garden — Pre-show scene. While having a funny chat, Greg mentions something that reminds Rose about her abandoning Spinel, which makes her regret more of her choices.

Advice — Garnet can tell when Stevonnie has a lot on their mind. [Writer’s Choice.]

Hum — Yellow and her relationship with music.

Love* — Pearl considering her romantic feelings towards someone and thinking about how she's finally moving on from Rose. (Doesn't mean she'll ever forget her.)

Kid — A glimpse into “Sadie Killer.” Maybe when they played their first show, while Steven was still in the band. Celebrating afterward or a discussion on why Steven didn't stay IN the band?

Troubleshooting* — Integration of gem communication networks and Earth Internet and phone lines and the resulting inevitable disaster.

Fairytale — Connie gets a tour of Little Homeworld.

Hope — Jasper finally starting to let her guard down and realize her self worth.

Song* — As for prompts... Steg? Like, him in general, just being himself. It's a bummer we only got to see him in the movie.

Mistakes* — Steven talking to someone (not a therapist, just another character) about his trauma?

Forgiveness — The Topaz fusion reconnects with the Crystal Gems at Little Homeschool and apologizes for her role in the kidnapping all those years ago.

Visions — Sapphire and Ruby reflect on the events of "Together Forever." [Writer’s Choice]

Reunited — Maybe a scene where Yellow comes home from a long escapade and is reunited with a worried Spinel?

Beginnings — After CYM, Lapis and Peridot discuss where to live since the barn is destroyed.

Pet* — White Diamond happily announces one day that she has decided to take in a small creature (of your choosing) as a pet.

Together — What were Doc, Army, Navy, and Leggy doing during Future?

Desert — Steven meeting Lion from Lion's perspective. I dunno, I think it could be neat.

Freedom — For a post-CYM/SU:F prompt, what do you think about the exact moment it hit either Blue or Yellow Pearl that they were completely free to follow their whims?

Apologies — Greg apologizes to Steven due to the incident in “Mr. Universe” and both have the talk they should've had in that episode.

Change — Blue and Yellow Zircon's relationship has improved even if they are now rivals in the new democratic Homeworld. This last tiny bit is related to the “Homeworld Bound” episode.

Hug — Bellow cuddling. Yellow has no idea what to do, but Blue is loving it.

Valentine* — Steven gives Peridot a Valentine's Day gift. [Writer’s Choice]

Spite — Aquamarine and Eyeball are distraught at knowing they won't be rewarded for their actions because their worst enemy, Steven Universe, has been labeled a hero and royalty by the Diamonds.

Reevaluation — How about more Peedee and Steven friendship? Like, Peedee noticing Steven’s change in demeanor the farther along the show we get?

Camp — Connie kicking ass at space camp.

Family — The night after the events of the movie, Steven gets some quality family time.

Homestretch — Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth spend time together while preparing Little Homeworld.

Enough — We know what Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck are gonna do for their futures, but what's Kiki been up to? Is she gonna take over the pizzeria?

Spillage — Vidalia and Amethyst catch up after Steven's monster episode.

Reformation — White Diamond has learned how to be so extremely empathetic to the point that she literally becomes another person, but has she really begun to understand others?

Comment* — Sardonyx makes some Internet videos.

Unicorn — While traveling through California, Steven encounters two fishermen arguing about unicorns. [SU/GF crossover.] [Writer’s Choice]

Worry — Andy and Greg stay in touch.

Homerun* — I hopal for Opal—perhaps she will attempt some baseball.

Skydancer — Post-CYM, Pearl getting to “truly” take Steven out for a joy ride through the cosmos in a properly operational ship of her design.

Mercy* — The shattering-is-wrong discussion between Rose and Bismuth that led to Bis being bubbled.

Happy — Smoky Quartz hasn't made a self deprecating joke in a while—is it Steven's therapy?

Electric* — Yellow’s gloves—I feel like they’re covering something up, maybe.

Cake — Fusion Cuisine 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Belonging — The Rose Quartz sisters visit again.

Transcendence — Fluorite offers someone wise caterpillar grandma advice.

March — Connie and Steven reflect on changes in life after the pandemic. Not canon compliant. [Writer’s Choice.]

Understanding — Onion be doing Onion things.

Ocean* — Andy and Steven post-”I Am My Monster”? I love their relationship, lol.

Ignorance* — Does Lapis even realize Bismuth was probably the one who poofed her?

Reflection — Did I already say more Mega Pearl? ‘Cause there can never be enough Mega Pearl.

Possibility* — Yellow deciding she should try putting shattered gems back together. (She probably broke the most.)

Storyboard — Peridot’s budding career as a storyboarder.

Fall — Lapis and Steven talk about trauma and recovery. Pre-The Future.

Limbo — How the dismantled gempire has affected the lives of noble gems like Emerald, Holly Blue Agate, and others.

Now — Garnet reminds herself to live in the present.

Grief* — Alexandrite forms for the first time. [Writer’s Choice]

Inauguration — Wait, did Connie's parents ever meet Stevonnie?

Please — Did Kevin ever learn anything? Naaaaaah....unless...

Friend — General prompt? A sequel/prequel to this, please [White D’s panther].

Treatment — Greg starting to learn more about gem stuff to be more involved in Steven's life if something ugly happens.

Numbers — Pearl, please do something with all those phone numbers in your head.

Generations — Rose continues to discover the wonders of Earth, even after all this time. (No angst allowed in this one, just pure wonder.)

Survival — The Off-Colors used to have more members in the past.

Acting — How did Rainbow 2.0 even get invited to babysit Onion?

Kindness* — Former Mayor Dewey coming to terms with his new position in town.

Play — The Gems and Greg try to capture Steven's first moments on a bike. [Writer’s Choice]

Documentary — Ronaldo makes a real actually informative documentary about Little Homeworld.

Rain — Blue Diamond still cries sometimes.

Zoophobia — Also, I saw Z and my immediate thought was "Zoophobia.”

Echo* — Why does the tiny floating whale have Rose's voice before Steven ever heard it in the tape?

Sketch — Steven and Connie discover an anime character/mythological figure who bears an awfully similar resemblance to Obsidian.

Unironically — Why does Buck wanna be a doctor?

Club — How did Bismuth, Lapis, and Peri become such tight friends?

Nostalgia — Greg considers a comeback tour.

Pressure* — The creation of the Diamonds, maybe?

Coping — Amethyst and Pearl grapple with Rose's pregnancy. [Writer’s Choice]

Theatre — Sugilite, meet Rainbow 2.0.

Dadhood* — Whatever happened to Mrs. Fryman? IS there a Mrs. Fryman, or was it only a passing on-and-off thing that resulted in kids?

Lingering — Jasper finally lets Malachite go.

Human — Steven talks to his therapist about his mom, the feelings of before and the now. (It was left open-ended—his relationship with his mother.)

Words — Kofi is proud of his daughters.

Quest — [Letter prompt] Quest.

Picture — Sour Cream and Steven talking about absent parents and bad parenting. Post-The Future.

Bittersweet* — Shep finally gets to meet the notorious Lars.

Gemini — Spinel discovers memes and we're all doomed.

Weird — When he's younger, Steven doesn't quite know how to label the Gems.

#mimiku #steven universe #100 fragments!!!!!#fragments iii

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crystalectomy · 3 years

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I call this piece “leaving the groupchat”

I'm starting off somewhat small - I removed myself from the groupchat. I haven't told anyone yet (and the group settings mean there will be no notification that I’ve done it, people will have to find out on their own).

I don't know yet the FULL extent of the backing-slowly-into-the-hedges I want to do with these people. I know, broadly speaking, that if I get invited to things from this group in the future there will be a few things I straight up say no to:

most get togethers at [A]’s house

any camping trips

most parties in general, esp hosted by [A], [B], [C] , or [D]

Things I might say yes to:

a concert w [B]

a boardgame night (occasional)

a park hang, bar hop, or outdoor festival (anything it's easy to bounce from)

Things I will be pleased to continue:

some kinda relationship with [C]

maybe a reconnection with [E] some day

My brother’s advice was to leave the group chat and only explain myself to anyone who asks about it. He said leaving it would be good for gaining closure (as opposed to just turning off notifications, which I've tried many times already). From what I've told him it seems I have every reason to do so -- he did not try even for a second to talk me out of it. He said he had a similar situation where he left/was cut out of a friend group a year ago and he has had absolutely no regrets at all.

He also said he thinks our Dad sticks too long with people / doesn't recognize when they've become harmful to be around, so if the goal is to not be like Dad (which, yes), then recognizing when to move on from people is one way to get there.

I'm doing everyone a favor here (probably too aggro a thing to say)

I've been reading about people who've broken up with friends or left friend groups and a familiar refrain keeps coming up -- friendships should be with people who you trust, who uplift you, who do not leave you feeling stressed and drained. I cannot say that about this group, as a whole, anymore. At all.

For a long time -- years now -- I've flirted with the idea of leaving the groupchat. It hasn't been a fun groupchat. A lot of it is people posting links and videos that I'm not interested in, giving life update announcements that don't need to be given in a group setting, or posting plan-making logistics, which always end up being a little awkward when some people can participate in them and others can't (which is always the case, b/c of awkward breakups in the couples of the group, east bay vs sf commute times, and now differing covid sensibilities and vaxxed/unvaxxed status).

All of that is innocuous enough, but if it's clutter, it's clutter. And there's no reason not to remove it.

So what made the group good if not the groupchat? The hangs. The drugs, the alcohol, the games. The concerts, the movies, the camping trips. Since we've had a forced year without those things, I've gotten a better look at what the core of this group feels like to be in without all that -- and it sucks.

So why not just ride it out until we can hangout in person again (which will be v soon!)? I guess I'm just feeling like a spring cleaning attitude about it. Like, maybe I can spend my precious time in the afterlife hanging out with people who I can feel close with emotionally as well as physically? Maybe now that I'm in a very different phase of my life than I was when I met them (turning-30-realness) I should cultivate relationships that fulfill me where I'm at now -- people I can share exciting work news, poems, and pictures of my cat with, yes, but also people I can unravel the secrets of the universe and the pros and cons of major life choices with.

I've spent a lot of the quarantine either in solitude or staying connected to / reconnecting with friends who make me feel good. Who listen to my advice, who give me advice and encouragement in turn, who share similar interests with me, who do not call me "unique " "weird" "soooo alternative" over and over again (either in admiration or jest). Who have understood and interpreted and lived out the COVID thing in similar ways as me.

And look -- I don't mean people who have had the same privileges necessarily! Some of the people I've gotten closer to were just as social as the folks in this group +/or worked jobs where they had to be on the frontlines and couldn't barricade themselves quite as much as me and my husband did. But they respected our decision to take as strict a stance on this whole thing as humanly possible, did not call us "sensitive" or "conservative" at any point along the way, and when they asked us to hangout, did so in ways that felt respectful of and empathetic towards our boundaries. It’s not that this group made different choices than I would have, it’s that they, by contrast to my other friends, treated me with judgment, derision, and disrespect for my decisions. I promise I’ve not done the same.

I'm purging a lot of things from my life right now. Leaving my toxic-ish job at the end of April. Trying to lose the last 5 lbs. Getting rid of as much clutter in the house as possible.

As I start to prepare and dream for a life outside of quarantine, I think about who are some of the first people I want to grab a drink with, go for a walk with, celebrate an occasion with. And for the most part, it's not these people.

Y'all are funny, interesting, intelligent, engaging, and a good time. But I don't feel like I belong here. And I often leave hangouts with the group feeling stressed or upset.

Moreso, in my life I feel I've gotten much harder. Cynical, crabby, pessimistic, aggressive, barbed, judgmental. Like, really had those parts of me take over. And I'm almost certain this group being my main group was a contributing factor. It's behavior that's, if not required, then encouraged to be a member here.

I thought about writing a message in the groupchat to explain myself instead of ghosting but a few things occurred to me:

9 times out of 10 when I try to be earnest or express any feelings that aren't straight up enthusiasm for something with this group, I feel ignored at best or patronized and shut down at worst.

given the pervading sense of devil-may-care cavalierness in this group, i figured most of you wouldn't notice/care anyway

I thought of folks like [X], [Y], and [Z] who have been in/out of this groupchat for years, all of whom have since faded away, and none of whom felt the need to say anything. Since there's a precedent, I figured I'd follow it

I'm extremely self conscious about this decision -- I'm worried it comes off as self-absorbed, self-righteous, selfish, etc. and I don't think I know a way to ensure it doesn't come off that way when trying to address it head on.

I'm kind of a coward about this kind of thing (awkward social interactions) anyway. So this is a kind of cowardly way to do it. It fits.

I've been thinking about doing this for so long that nothing anyone can say will convince me otherwise, so why invite a dialogue?

If anyone asks (which my husband assures me they won't):

“Oh, I left the group chat a little while ago, so if you're trying to reach me, specifically, text/phone call is the best way to do so. Email works too. No shade to you or anyone in particular, I just found the energy of the group as a whole to be kind of toxic, and have so for some time now (even pre pandemic).”

Then, maybe:

“I thought about saying something but I honestly couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't come off as arrogant or dramatic or weird. Maybe it's weirder to ghost... but I never seem to accurately gauge how people in this group will react to things I do and say, and I didn’t want to be misinterpreted and cause more stress. There's no good or codified way to leave a friend group, so I just did the easiest, path of least resistance way I could think of.”

And if there’s time:

“And that's the other thing, I didn't want to like, break up with any of you as friends. I'm not going to say no to every game night invitation or avoid people altogether IRL or anything. And I'm hoping and planning to have 1x1 or 2x2 hangs with some of y’all in the future. So I didn't want to invite any truly nasty energy between me and any of the individuals in the group. I'm just excusing myself from the overall 'zeitgeist' of the groupchat, and okay with probably getting invited to fewer outings as a result.”

Or at least:

“I didn’t mean to offend, I just did what I thought was best for me in a way that I hoped would cause the least amount of harm to everyone involved. And I did think long and hard about it, so at least I hope no one can say it was a completely thoughtless decision.”

I'm taking this impending re-entry into society thing as an opportunity to prioritize the relationships that have felt enriching, healthy, fruitful during it. And I’m excited to chase down hobbies and events at work, post pandemic, with the goal of making new friends who I can be more myself with.

#as usual I've over-thunk it

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teacup-crow · 4 years

Text

Next Friday

*this is a repost because Tumblr broke on me earlier! I was ill for two days and could only really lie in bed and wrote this. Set after S5M15, based more around M17, warnings for requisite Season 5 sadness, effects of hunger and Australian levels of swearing.

Summary: Nadia, Owen and Veronica plan next week’s movie night.

Owen is an idiot, Veronica has always thought. But lately, he’s their idiot. Popping up in the lab asking her opinions on irrigation techniques - not her area, of course, but the science behind some of it is fascinating. Appearing during Friday movie nights with Nadia, which had always been their thing, but still respecting that. Appreciating whatever they chose. Never pushing things too far. He’s really good at cooking, too, eking out the most flavour possible from their smaller and smaller ration packs - and always making sure they eat before he does. Maybe there isn’t too much going on upstairs, but he’s nice. He doesn’t judge her, or set her off, or sit too close, or try and make eye contact like Ian does.

“Only liars don’t look people in the eye, Veronica,” Ian had hissed earlier that afternoon. He’d asked some inane question about Sigrid’s taste in wine, and she’d tried to brush him off but he was having none of it. “I know you’re the Minister’s precious little poppet, but I don’t trust you. Nobody likes creepy children who hover around where they’re not wanted. You and your nasty, sneaky girl guide friends… although they don’t really like you either, do they? Not really one for friends your own age, are you?”

She’d stared right ahead, still avoiding his face. “I need to get on with my work, Ian. Haven’t you got things to be doing for Sigrid too?”

He got a tad frostier. “Watch your tone. It’s the Minister to you. And she isn’t here right now, sweetheart, is she?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Say one more thing to me in that tone of voice, Miss McShell, one more thing, and you won’t see your Nadia for a very, very long time.”

The beaker in Veronica’s hand cracked around the base as she squeezed it. What tone? She’d tried to be polite. She could feel his stinking breath on her neck, knew his flat grey eyes would be right there if she looked at them, full of blazing jealousy and spite. And he wouldn’t, couldn’t follow through on that threat, could he? She was here of her own volition.

“Hey, Ronnie! And - oh, hello, I- Commander. We were just going to lunch?” Owen hurried into the lab, his voice bright and giving nothing away, but Veronica noticed from years of analysing it that his posture was stiff for a trained Runner. Beaten, perhaps, or anxious? Ian sneered a little at the sight of him, but backed off, probably appeased by the honorific, and she let Runner Six take her by the hand and pull her away. He’d sat her between himself and Runner Thirteen, and tried to get them engaged in a silly story about the time a koala attempted to steal his mum’s van. She’d ended up explaining to them the high rates of chlamydia among koalas, getting a bit confused when Cameo and Owen found the facts so funny. And the day passed safely - at least until he made a run for it.

The sweat is pouring off Owen’s face now as she attempts to dig the bullet out of his leg, swearing profusely even for an Australian. “Jesus FUCK!”

“I’ve not done this before! I'm trying my best.”

“Fucking Ian, the mangy bastard cu-”

Nadia clamps her hands over Veronica’s ears as if she’s never heard the word before. “Please, just keep it down before someone tips him off!”

Ian hadn’t seen the need to let a ‘traitorous, stupid boy’ use ‘limited medical resources’. Owen is supposed to be back on punishment detail, 5am sharp, or face the consequences. The only thing keeping him from the box is the fact that Cameo is already occupying it. So here they are in the lab, after hours, with a sixteen year old girl trying to stop him bleeding out with very little time, experience or painkillers.

“Ya know, I’ve been through a fair amount of utter bollocking bollocks this apocalypse but really-“

“Runner Six, will you shut it!” And then, closer to his ear, out of Veronica’s earshot: “Did it work?”

He gives the slightest of nods. She smiles, broad and genuine, though her face is thin. They’re all getting a little more haggard, day by day. Veronica glances at the two of them, lovingly gazing at each other, and resolves that she’ll find some clever way to bring their lack of food up to the Minister. Sigrid is a smart woman; if she had any inkling that her top scientist keeps finding hair on her pillow each morning, that her fingernails are brittle, that three people collapsed in the fields last week, that for the first time since meeting Nadia she can count each and every rib, she’d surely do something to curb Ian’s ridiculous power trip.

She yanks at the bullet. Owen screams blue murder. Nadia shoves a balled up tea towel into his mouth, and deadpans: “So much for movie night.”

“I wasn’t really looking forward to The Green Mile,” Veronica admits. “I don’t know what you have against Planet Earth.”

“The fact that I have seen the same episode of the same documentary a thousand times in the last three years may play a part, Ronnie.”

“...only thirty-three.”

“What?”

“I pick the movie every other week. Because of many changes in circumstance, we’ve only had a hundred and nine movie nights. I pick Planet Earth approximately sixty percent of the time. We’ve seen it thirty-three times in the last two and a half years.”

Nadia sighs, and removes the cloth from Owen’s mouth. “You holding up?”

“I’m sorry for ruining your plans, ladies. Next time I try to escape from budget bloody Percy Wetmore, I promise not to do it on a Friday,” Owen pants, but the pain seems to be receding. “Ya know, if I had a nickel for every time I got shot in this calf, I’d have two nickels.”

“Which isn’t a lot, but insane that it happened twice, right?” Nadia responds with a short laugh.

“Did you both spend all your time watching children’s shows pre-apocalypse?”

“Hey, I was a kid pre-apocalypse! She has no excuse.”

“Um, ATC work was stressful and I make no excuses for how I enjoyed my free time.”

“But if you’re twenty-four now, you were eighteen on Z-day, Owen,” Veronica points out.

“Eighteen year olds are still kids, Ronnie.” His voice is suddenly quite tired. He squeezes Nadia’s hand as Veronica pulls the first stitch, hissing between his teeth a little.

She juts out her chin. “I’m younger than that and I’m not a child.”

Neither of them dispute that, though she still cuts a tiny figure in a too-large lab coat, sleeves rolled up three times to make it fit.

“How do you know it’s from a children’s show, anyway, Miss-never-watched-Disney-Channel?”

“...I don’t have to answer that if I’m not comfortable.”

Nadia shoots her an expressing your boundaries thumbs-up. She feels the worry in her chest loosen a little. Everything will be fine. She’ll get Owen’s leg stitched, and today’s drama will force Sigrid’s hand. The Minister will come to Abel and fix things, and she can get back to working on the cure, and Owen and Nadia will be safe and look after each other.

“I’m going to head back to my bunk, I think,” Nadia says, a tinge of fear in her voice as she glances through the darkening window. “Better not to be missed too long, and I should check on Cameo. She… she distracted Ian from you for a bit. It didn’t look pretty.”

“We’ll be all right, Naddi, you go on,” Owen squeezes her hand one last time, and lies back on the lab table. Veronica nods, absorbed in her task. They hear her wheels clatter down the ramp and fade across the square, quiet as footsteps.

“So, you like Planet Earth a lot?”

“I used to watch it with Dad.”

“Oh. Makes sense. My mum’s a big Tom Hanks fan. I’ve probably seen every movie he’s been in… well, about thirty-three times as well.”

“You know there’s a video of Castaway in the rec room, right?”

“I brought it back, actually. Years ago, now. But I don’t know if I can watch it, yeah? I’m scared it might make me think about her too much.”

“Owen,” Veronica finishes the stitches, and starts to clean up some of the blood. She’s watched Kefilwe do this dozens of times. Antiseptic. Dabbing rather than smearing. Keep the patient’s mind off the sting. “Do you remember what your mum looks like?”

The silence that follows makes her wonder if this is a faux pas. He eventually responds: “No, not quite.”

“No, me neither. I have a photo, but I can’t picture them as actual living people. Memories are really interesting that way, actually. We’re not as visual as-“

“Ronnie. Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay.” She racks her brains for small talk. “Do you… like it here at Abel?”

“What, now?” He snorts. “With that pinstripe suit cu-”

Veronica clamps her hands over her own ears, knowing Nadia wouldn’t want her to hear it. He smiles, and raises his hands in apology.

“No, not now. Before.”

“It was all right. Home. Safe. You knew Janine was looking out for ya. There was always enough food to go round.”

“But did you feel like you fit in?” she presses.

“...can’t say I did.”

“Me neither,” she says, a little relieved.

“Runners are quite a superstitious bunch. And I’m unlucky.”

Her brow scrunches in confusion. “Bad luck isn’t a very scientific reason to dislike someone.”

“Can you tell that to getting tied to train tracks, set on fire and repeatedly shot at?”

“Actually, Dad was working on a statistical model of danger to Runners in his spare time. I found it a while ago, me and Nadia were repurposing it to make missions safer. When I include Five in the sample, you actually fall under the average for number of dangerous situations encountered.”

“Uh, I think Five is an outlier.”

“You’re probably right.” She wraps the wound in bandages, and tucks them in. “Done!”

“I owe you one, Ronnie.”

“Just… stay safe. Both of you. I haven’t got time to worry about you two as well as curing the zombie plague.”

“You’re only a… you shouldn’t be worried about us at all, squirt.”

She shrugs. “It’s not my fault you do worrying things. If he puts you in a cell and you can’t change the dressings frequently just do your best to keep it clean.”

“Will do!” He swings off the table, avoiding putting weight on his leg as much as possible. “Whatever he does, I’ll try to make next Friday, all right?”

She nods. Next Friday, she’ll pick out Castaway, and they’ll watch it together, and maybe movie night can be Owen’s thing too.

#zrs5 spoilers #zombies run #zr #owen landis #veronica mcshell #nadia al hanaki #please work this time!

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mfackenthal · 4 years

Text

The MFackenthal Show with Special Guest Star @hopefulmoonobject!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Megs: Hello Hello Hello! And welcome to the first episode of The MFackenthal Show - Covid19 edition. Today we are going to air footage from an interview that was originally recorded back in late 2019. So while you will see Megs and her wonderful special guest interacting and sitting within six feet of each other at the beginning of the footage, after the pre-recorded tape, we’ll check in with our special guest via zoom.

The screen gets all blurry for a second before we see …

Megs: Hello Hello Hello! Please help me welcome to the stage our guest star for today, @hopefulmoonobject.

Nesha: Gently smiles and gives a small wave as she walks on stage.

She and Megs hug before they both sit down.

Megs: Nesha, I am so glad you are here! I have loved your work for so long now. It feels like forever ago that I was binging A Royal Mate/Finding the One.

Nesha: I think you read it all in less than a week. It was impressive.

Megs: Quickly stands and gives a little bow. I am a fanfic addict. I have a problem but I do not want a cure. Especially now that you’re wowing the world with Atelophobia; teaching us psychological terms and giving us great content. I know that we are all happy to see Liam and Z get married.

Nesha: Don’t worry, there is still fun in store!

Megs: Oh, I’m not worried. BUT I have definitely jumped ahead. Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to shower you with complements. But, let’s back up. Tell us all how you came to tumblr and how you created your tumblr handle.

Nesha: Well, let’s see, I joined the fandom some time at the end of Oct 2017. I was strictly a reader at the time. My tumblr handle was tumblr generated - but it was perfect because I used to collect anything that was sun, moon, or stars related. I didn’t really know how this tumblr thing worked and I didn’t comment on everything I read, but I did like them. It was actually a little intimidating to start talking to people.

Megs: A lot of people feel intimidated talking to people. That’s why this show exists. People will see you and know that they can talk to you! Thanks for coming on the show, by the way!

Nesha: Of course, Megs! I’m honored to be here.

Megs: What brought you to the fandom?

Nesha: I stumbled onto choices and played for about 3 months before I found tumblr. I started reading then interacting with others that were just as obsessed with this game as I was. There is some amazing talent in this fandom.

I even just started binging Supernatural because of some of the fics that have been popping up. I haven’t finished it yet though.

Megs: I love Supernatural! I know there are others out there who love it too! There are a lot of seasons though! Laughs Anyways, what do you love about the fandom?

Nesha: I love that people all over the globe can come together over a game. I have met some wonderful people because of this fandom and Choices. It was some of these people that gave me the courage to write my first fic. I used to write mostly poetry when I was younger, but I hadn’t written in years and then after a Camp NaNoWriMo, I became a writer.

Megs: That is amazing! Tell us about what you have written!

Nesha: Oh gosh … well, I must say that I am very proud of Finding the One AU. It was my first series, and very dear to my heart.

I also loved the series that I was co-writing with Alex, but just with everything and living on two different continents, it is hard to find the time at this juncture. There is still a chapter I wrote with a very talented writer named Meg, that I still need to finish and post.

Megs: You flatter me! But I did have a great time writing with you! And as anyone who has talked to me knows, I will do almost anything to get myself into a fic. So, Camp NaNoWriMo graduate, what advice do you have for other writers? Especially other fanfic writers?

Nesha: Write what you feel, but I would ask that you are mindful of stereotypes. Also, don’t let anyone chase you away. I know what it feels like not getting a lot of comments, that did stress me out, then I had to remember why I was writing in the first place. Yes, it is nice to have people like and comment on your work (I am bad at it, sorry) I can only keep up with a handful of series then I go back and find the others to read them too.

Megs: Oh gosh, it’s impossible to read everything! It’s almost impossible to read everything by just one amazing author, let alone the entire fandom! I used to think crazy things like, “could people just take a day off from writing so I could catch up!!! Please?!” laughs But more seriously, What’s your writing process?

Nesha: Just sit in front of a keyboard and let it flow. I have plots that I have thought of in the beginning, but by the second or third chapters the characters kinda take over. It is like that for my latest story Atelophobia. Some of the chapters had taken on a very different route than I had originally planned. But I am loving it.

Megs: That’s such great advice. I think it’s Stephen King in his book about writing called “On Writing” who says that one should write every day. He mentions having some days where he just throws everything that he writes away. Okay, now tell me, it’s obvious that you love Liam. What about Liam seems to inspire you so much?

Nesha: I mean who doesn’t like a man who is educated, intelligent, doesn’t take you for granted, your happiness is important to them, as well as your thoughts? They want more than just a pretty face. and treats you like a Goddess in and out of the bedroom.

Megs: Nope, can’t argue with that logic!

Now, Nesha … I have a little bit of a surprise for you. Megs reaches behind the couch and pulls out a stuffed animal in the shape of a skunk. She passes it over to Nesha.

Nesha: Hugs the skunk and starts laughing. Megs, I love it. How did you know!? Oh my gosh, I know it’s weird, but I like the smell a skunk makes! No, I don’t want a direct blast, but I don’t mind it. I blame the fact that I moved into a dorm with no air conditioning and lived on the first floor. Some thought it was funny to shoot a skunk with a slingshot, and wildlife had to come out and put it out of its misery, right under my window. Lived with that smell for weeks. I will cherish “Tulip” the skunk forever.

The screen blurs out and we see Megs all by herself again.

Megs: It’s such a good thing we had this older footage, otherwise, I don’t know how we would be able to air this show during social distancing! I thought my producers were crazy when they wanted to film ahead like that. I really have to hand it to them. Now, let’s check in with Nesha!

Megs calls Nesha on her phone and soon we hear Nesha say hi, but it’s Tulip sitting in a chair that we can see on the TV screen that is paired to the phone.

Megs: busts out laughing Well, hello Tulip! How are you? I haven’t seen you in so long. Is Nesha treating you well?

Nesha: using a cute child voice Oh yes, Megs, Nesha is treating me very well. I get all the food I want and I get to help her write more stories of Liam. I am a very lucky skunk.

Megs: That’s great, Tulip! I’m so glad to hear that. Any chance Nesha is around?

Nesha: pops into the screen, moving Tulip to be sitting in her lap as she takes Tulip’s chair Hey Megs! It’s great to see you! How are you liking your own show? How are you holding up with all the craziness going around about COVID-19?

Megs: I am loving the show! Each episode is unique. Some are crazy ridiculous (cough @cordoniansgonewild) others are more innocent and sweet. Sometimes I lack the motivation to write them, but when I take your advice and just let it flow, it always does. COVID-19 has actually been quite a joy for me personally. I’m working from home and loving it! I do feel awful for those who have lost their jobs or are truly terrified to leave their houses. If any of you are feeling down or depressed, please know that I’m always available to talk.

And that’s today’s show! Thank you all for tuning in! I can’t wait to see you all again soon! Byee all!!!

Nesha: waves to everyone Stay safe everyone.

Oh, and in case you missed some of the references to @hopefulmoonobjects work, check it out here.

~~~~~

And now for the tags. I’m only tagging people who have specifically mentioned an interest in The MFackenthal Show. If you want to be added to the tag list for these or removed, please let me know!

@hopefulmoonobject @queen-among-writers, @hopelessromantic1352, @lilyofchoices, @msjpuddleduck, @theroyalweisme, @loveellamae

#The Mfackenthal Show #Special guest hopefulmoonobject #Tulip the Skunk #Episode 13 #Damn that description of Liam!

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mermaidmundane · 5 years

Note

Hello! Can I request Fluff Alphabet for Charles Xavier please and thank you! ♥️

Authors note: I absolutely love this little stud muffin it was a pleasure writing for him! Enjoy!

A- Attention: Charles was helping Hank with recruitment and happen to notice you around the shops. Before you know it you felt a presence in your mind. He didn't get far in your mind but he made sure to stroll up to you and hand you a card.

B- Best Feature: He appreciates your humor. Not many could make him laugh like you do. Even if it's dark humor he very much enjoys how clever you are with coming up with jokes on the spot.

C- Cuddles: Pre wheelchair he loved it when you would cuddle up to him while he read his books to you. He very much loves cuddling you near the fireplace. Post wheelchair you tend to cuddle him as much as possible. He is basically always in cuddle mode and it makes him feel safe when you cuddle him.

D- Dates: He likes going on dates around his garden. It reminds him of childhood and when the garden blooms in spring it is truly a sight. He would compare your beauty to the flowers that grew in the garden making you blush.

E- Entertainment: To go along with the dates for fun you two would pick some of the flowers. You loved making arrangements from the beautiful flowers from the garden and he loved watching you be so soothed by the pass time.

F- Family: He definitely wants a family someday and even planned some names he would like. He would of course wait for your decision but he loves children. Why else would he run a school?

G- Grumpy: Your first fight was because Charles was too busy. He kept drowning himself in projects that you knew would take forever and a day. You got upset he wasn't paying attention to you and it ended with you leaving for a bit until he asked you to come back.

H- Holiday: He would take you to Paris of course. The man speaks french and would know exactly where to take you. He would know how to talk to locals and basically tour you around Paris.

I- Introduction: His family is mostly dead but he would be delighted to meet your family. Pre wheelchair Charles had lots of confidence but post wheelchair Charles was a bit shaky. He still made a good impression but the comments on the wheelchair made him upset.

J- Jealous: Charles is totally the jealous type. It's not hard for him to lure potential threats away with his hand to the temple. You catch on really quick to his games and remind him that he has nothing to worry about. This brings his humour about him saying ok with hand still at Temple.

K- Kisses: He's all for slow long kisses. He likes to take his time and really relish you. Charles is also good at kissing your hand when holding hands. If not on the hand on cheek tenderly.

L- Love you: You did sorta. He accidentally read your mind but kept it to himself until he was ready to say it or you beat him to it. Either way he knew before you did.

M- Make up: After a fight you could usually find him in his study with books all around him. You would have to get his attention and just slowly kiss him before sitting in his lap. You both apologize at the same time for your behaviors. All in all it's just a slow cuddle time.

N- Night in: On a night in he likes to read. He would much rather read to you even if you were to fall asleep. It makes him feel needed and help with his public speaking.

O- Obsessed: He's more into you. Especially if it's post wheelchair because how could he ever land a babe while being in a wheelchair. If it was pre wheelchair it's a because of the humor of yours.

P- Perfect: Your calmness. You seem to always keep a level head even when he's lost his. He loves that about you because you know when to be stern and kind at the same time.

Q- Quirks: Some quirks he has is that occasionally his nose twitches randomly. If it's not that it's that he takes time on his hair even though it looks messy in the end.

R- Restlessness: Whenever either of you are stressed you just make each other some calming tea. Pretty much one of Charles philosophies is that tea fixes everything in the end.

S- Song: Charles- Walk me Home by Pink

You- I love you by Avril Lavigne

T- Trickster: He is definitely the prankster. It's a lost cause getting him back because the whole mind reading thing. He would do harmless pranks on you such as taking something small and having you chase him down. If not that it's tiny scaring pranks where he tickles you randomly.

U- Underestimated: You underestimated how much he could get to you. You thought it would be a while before you let your walls down but it was almost instantly when you met Charles. He truly loved you in ways and knew you in ways you never thought would happen.

V- Vicious: He hates hearing people think bad about you and be wants to get revenge but he can't. He wishes he could change everyone's minds so they know how amazing you are but everyone's entitled to their a own opinion even if it is wrong.

W- Weakness: He has these specific sweets he likes. So whenever you want him to get away from the desk or do something it's absolute bribery with them. He almost always does what you say when you bribe him with his favorite sweets.

X- Random Insert: Charles thinks you are absolutely inspiring so he has a quote book. He puts things you say into that book whether it was funny, inspiring, or sad he just writes it and dates it.

Y- Yearning: He missed you a lot when you left him due to being busy. In all reality he hated being busy because he truly misses you all together. He definitely yearns for you more but you beg to differ.

Z- Zealous: Besides being passionate about mutant rights he's so passionate about education. He believes it's literally the most vital things that improve everyone. He loves seeing his students change the world or catch a fire in their eye. He loves watching their minds click with new information.

#xmen imagines #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr imagine #marvel imagine #hank mccoy #charles xavier imagine #xmen #alex summers #hank mccoy imagines #scott summers imagine #alex summers imagine #sean cassidy #logan howlett imagine

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prevaricatcr · 5 years

Text

‹ TARON EGERTON, HE/HIM, CISMALE, BISEXUAL. › ELLIOT GALLAGHER is the TWENTY SIX year old from SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said, ❝ MIGHT AS FUCKIN’ WELL, RIGHT? GONNA HATE MY LIFE EITHER WAY, MIGHT AS WELL DO IT WITH SOME SCENERY. ❞ they claim FUNNY GAMES is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would TAUNT THE KILLER AND GET WHACKED FOR IT. their fears include DRIVING A CAR, WRITHING SNAKES and PUPPETS, and they don’t know we know, but… HE’S PAID OFF MULTIPLE WOMEN WHO HAVE HAD HIS CHILDREN. hope they enjoy their stay. ‹ MUSE A from HOLLYWOOD’S BLEEDING penned by, Z, 25+, CST. ›

- - - - - - - BASICS.

Name: Elliot Rian Gallagher. Pronouns: He, him. Nicknames: n/a Age: Twenty-six. Birthdate: April 18th. Zodiac: Aries sun, taurus moon, gemini rising. Ethnicity: white, his father's grandparents were second generation irish and his mother always stated that her parents came from Sandusky, and didn't know more than that. Nationality: American. Birthplace: Santa Monica, CA Gender: Cis Male. Sexual Orientation: Bisexual.

- - - - - - - BACKGROUND.

Parents: Craig Robert Gallagher; 58 years old, alive. Teresa Dawn Shwitzer-Gallagher ; 52 years old, alive Siblings: 2 older siblings, a boy and a girl, and two younger sisters. Spouse: n/a. Children: 3 by different mothers, whom he sends monthly allowances to. He makes it his business not to know any more. Current Job: out of work musician. Dream Career: to be back on top of his game, winning grammies like he used to. Schooling: Attended Crossroads in Santa Monica on and off, eventually graduated with lots of monetary assistance. Income: Receives pay from royalties from the band he was in as a teenager that kicked him out.

- - - - - - - PHYSICAL.

Height: 5'8". Weight: 160 lb. Eye Color: Blue. Hair Color: Dark brown. Hair Length: Fairly short. Hair Type: On the thinner side, with some wave. Body Type: Fairly skinny, with small hips and waist. A little thicker around the midsection with his short stint of sobriety. Clothing Size: Medium to large. Shoe Size: Size 11 Complexion: Very pale, freckles fairly easy, burns very easy. Scars: scars and calluses on his hands, a puckered scar on his temple half hidden by his hair, and a scar on his right hip from a bad car accident, his knees are assessed as much older than himself because of how poorly he treats them combined with genetics, and a long scar on the left side of his back.

- - - - - - - PERSONALITY.

Positive Traits: adventurous, charming, direct, passionate, sociable, competitive, creative, lively, versatile. Negative Traits: volatile, extravagant, defensive, envious, juvenile, wasteful, unreliable, vulgar, pessimistic. Mental Condition: Currently drinking again and using cocaine along with a few prescription pills after attempting out-patient rehab and tapering down his drinking, which he's been addicted to since age fourteen. No officially assessed disorders or conditions besides his alcoholism. Struggles with intimacy while sober. Emotional Condition: Fragile, filled with guilt and self loathing after relapse. Sees trust as more important than love and is very guarded with what he considers his innermost self. Likes: All black outfits, sunglasses, a tall glass of boulevard when he's drinking to taste it, people that make him laugh out loud, old school SNL, the fine tuning of behind the camera work, treating the people he cares about to nice things, arguing about oscars prospects for any given film, penny slot machines, jokes that make people groan loudly. Dislikes: lazy jokes about addiction, late night talk shows, people who look at him and see his misdeeds and not who he is as a person, "lizard people" conspiracy theories, elevator music, plastic covers on mattresses, the concept of an all seeing, all knowing god, TMZ, the smell of industrial cleaner. Strengths: intelligent, ambitious, sincere, passionate, generous, philosophical. Weaknesses: reckless, impatient, cowardly, detached, foolhardy, irresponsible. Fears/phobias: sobriety, letting someone see every single part of him, allowing himself to be vulnerable when sober, having hallucinations, driving a car. Hobbies: little to none as his primary hobby has always been drinking, mostly reading and watching movies. Quirks: fiddling with his glasses, biting the inside of his cheek, humming any song that comes through his mind out loud when he's distracted or concentrating hard on something.

- - - - - - - HISTORY.

!!! possible triggers in the following biography: drug use, alcohol abuse and alcoholism, driving while intoxicated, car accidents, parental neglect of children !!! You are two and a half when you land your first commercial. Your younger sisters managed their first roles before you, but it was a little easier for them as they were infant twins; far more in demand than just a tiny toddler boy. This is how your family eats and keeps themselves in an apartment in Santa Monica that's meant to house three when your family eventually grows to hold seven in total. A lot of mouths to feed. Thankfully you don't remember a lot of this, as the small time work you and your siblings do is enough to keep your family afloat. You make your way into middle school; pissed and stand offish and looking like a cherub; which insures that no one takes you seriously. The friends you make, you hold tightly to, and you kick around in your best friend Boston’s basement, just fooling around on his parents drum kit, their guitars that aren’t actually supposed to be touched. It’s all just for fun, the band and the EP you slap together; just trying to impress each other, until one of Bos’ parents finds someone who wants to sign the band. Everyone tells you over and over again, that this is the deal of a life time. That this will make sure you work in Hollywood for the rest of your life. This is both true, and untrue. The EP is an unmitigated success, and every review has something to say about you, the kid on bass with backup vocals who’s face looks barely legal but plays like he’s planning a murder. Almost everyone remarks on how much older than your few years you seem. Which at first makes you feel special, important. Makes you seek out big words to use when you're sitting on the couch as a guest. The audience really loves that. Of course, this also spawns those times when you end up at wrap parties and after parties, your mother schmoozing whatever producers and execs she can find, your father nowhere to be found, and a sea of adults getting high and wasted around you. None of the vices of Hollywood have ever been all that strange to you, though. Your parents have always had a very blase approach to the innocence of childhood, and didn't much care to shield you from anything. It’s still all fun and games, really. The five of you have too much fun, and everyone wants to treat you to everything, so. Somehow the option you end up choosing most often is the bottle in your hand. The bottles that are so readily available, everywhere, that get pressed into your hands and put into the end of the night goodie bags your mother always takes three of. You think that waking up in an unfamiliar bed every single night of a week is something the rest of your bandmates are doing. It’s all a laugh, we all drink and we all smoke and it’s kid shit, right Boston? You learn that it very much is just a ‘you’ thing when you come to rehearsal (late, as usual) one Thursday afternoon and they’re all somberly waiting for you, hands in their lap and silent. You are being released from your contract with Cthulhu Rising...but the band has elected to move on and create their debut album. Unfortunately at this point you are eighteen and very, very deeply entrenched in alcoholism. The press has been playing you as a party boy who enjoys simple teenage excess for a very long time, but it's starting to wear thin. TMZ is growing a lot less glowing in their articles. You try not to pay attention even as you get yourself thrown out of clubs and tossed into drunk tanks and bailed back out again by whichever assistant your mother has hired this week. As long as you can find a way to make music, you can keep breathing. But with your growing notoriety, offers start to dry up. Those late night shows that loved your precociousness take pot shots at you in their opening monologues. Kimmel's pre-taped Lonely Island style sketch about 'you' endorsing a brand of gin in the style of I Love Lucy gets over a million views on youtube. All of Hollywood, and by extension all the world is laughing at you. It get a little less funny when you ram your matte black Lamborghini Aventador into the median taking the exit for Interstate 10, pinball off of it and into the car in the lane next to you, back into the median hard enough to flip your car into a roll, tumbling side over side across the lanes into the ditch. Your blood test results at the hospital show your blood alcohol content was nearly triple the legal limit. The accident doesn't kill you, though it's a close thing. You're convinced the recovery is worse. The total at the end adds up to a fractured pelvis, six broken ribs, safety glass embedded in your left temple, lacerations all over your arms and face, bleeding in your lungs and swelling in the brain that leaves you in a coma for the better part of two weeks. The most pathetic part of it all? All of that, the things you don't remember from that day coupled with the bursts and flashes of what you do remember, the year and a half you spend in recovery still isn't enough to make you put the bottle down forever. And doesn't that just make you fucking hate yourself?

#manor.tasks #! ; oof that took too long #❪ ⋅ ◆ ⋆ — YOU LOOKED AT DEATH IN A TAROT CARD┊❛ headcanons ❜ ❫

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taesunglifer · 6 years

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Boys(z) In Luv: A Story

Decided to post my Taekook story here for those that don’t venture over to AO3.

What is real life Taehyung and Jungkook like? If Taekook is real, then what are they up to? What are their real life interactions with each other? How did Taekook begin?

This is what i think happens...

Real Life Taekook with an AU feel...

Chapter One.: No More Dream

Tae looked down at his hand as the crowd roared. He held still his required 15 seconds before the seven of them looked up, raised their hands and thanked the crowd.

“Thank you, Osaka! We love you!” Namjoon, the leader of BTS, boomed over the screams.

The guys threw up their signature hearts, thumb over forefinger, and made their way off the stage. As they walked quickly through the backstage area, down a hallway and into the room that they occupied before hitting the stage, Taehyung felt a hand on his shoulder.

For one fleeting second, he knew who he wanted that hand to belong to but he recognized it wasn’t their touch.

He turned and smiled into the face of Jung Hoseok. It was rare that you ever saw anything other than a smile on this guys face.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That was AMAZING, Taehyung!” Hoseok yelled into his face.

Tae grinned as much as he could. He hurt. Head to toe. Side to side. He was drenched in so much sweat, it looked like he took a fall into the pool with his clothes on. He felt sorry for the staff that had to deal with these clothes night after night.

“Yeah, that was exciting.”

Hoseok stopped short and his expression changed. “Hey, what’s with the moonface?”

Tae stood with his back to him for a minute, thinking about the last conversation he had before running out onstage.

--------------

“These videos are something else….” Jungkook whispered quietly.

He sat close to Tae on the black leather couch backstage as the room buzzed with pre show preperations.

Tae couldn’t believe what he was watching.

Their ARMY fanbase knew something was going on…And it went back quite a bit. Video after video of Tae and Jungkook’s every move caught on camera and analyzed to show that they knew something was going on. That it wasn’t a mere normal Korean family skinship.

They knew that there was something more to the two of them. He felt his stomach clench.

“I don’t…I can’t even…I…Wow..” was all Tae could manage to say.

He cut his eyes quickly to Jungkook and saw the sheer panic and fear on every centimeter of his beautiful face. He knew all one million of those centimeters well as he’d stared into it many nights falling asleep in each others arms.

Jungkook clicked on the next video…and the next…Tae looked at his phone and realized they had been sitting in the same place for 52 minutes watching the videos. They had both planned to catch a nap in a chair as Jin had done nearby. They could hear his soft snores 15 feet away.

“They told us we weren’t discreet enough. I didn’t really see all of this when we watched back all of our videos and clips that are out there…But when you break it down like this…Oh my God.” Jungkook sucked in a breath.

Yeah, “they” HAD warned them. Management. The other guys in the group. The two of them had started drawing focus for going out of their way to be near each other. Tae didn’t think anything about it – he didn’t think they were obvious at all – it was natural to be drawn to Jungkook…

to be near him, to protect him…to touch him.

The other 5 guys were happy for them, they supported them…but along with their management they warned them what being in a relationship could do for their image and fan base especially. They LOVED their ARMY. But he couldn’t separate himself from Jungkook all of the time. The thought of it made his heart hurt.

They had to be together....

They couldn’t help it.

“What in the hell do we do?” Tae finally said.

It came out meek and strained.

Jungkook put his phone down on the table next to them and put his head in his hands in thought.

Tae couldn’t do anything else but stare at the back of his neck. He could see that stress vein pounding and he knew a headache was brewing inside Jungkook’s head at the moment. They were both silent for what seemed like an eternity.

Jin snored himself awake suddenly, scaring Tae out of his daze.

“Wzzzz*snort* ahhhh! What?!” Jin yelled, falling into the floor.

Tae glanced at him briefly.

Normally, he’d be in the floor laughing but in this moment, right now, nothing could bring him from the dark pit his mind was in.

He turned back to Jungkook who was still in the same position his eyes left him in.

“How long have I been asleep?” Jin asked rubbing his face…. Or at least that’s what Tae THOUGHT he said.

It came out more like “Howzslongahbesleep?”

“Not long enough!” Jimin yelled from the doorway, his phone raised and recording every second of Jin’s fall from the chair.

Jin pushed past him and out the door, with Jimin quickly following, laughing.

Tae reach a hand out and lightly placed it on Jungkook’s neck. He felt him relax under his touch.

Well, at least he isn’t mad at me, he thought.

Tae let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Suddenly, He was pulled to his feet and found himself behind dragged through a nearby door. He heard the loud *clink!* behind him as Jungkook locked it.

A bathroom, he realized. And just as fast he felt those familiar lips on his.

They moved in sync like they always did when their mouths found each other. Tae felt the pressure that had built up in his chest over the last hour dissipate...He felt the hunger in Jungkook's breath and touch. He felt the need...Then he felt the twitch in his pants.

Minutes later, Jungkook pulled back, too soon. His dark eyes stared into Tae’s blue ones, courtesy of some colored contacts.

“Did I ever tell you that I love you with blue eyes?” Jungkook said, placing his forehead to Tae’s and staring eye to eye with him.

It was something they did often, just between the two of them. This was their security blanket, another thing they did as they fell asleep, arms and legs tangled together.

Tae smirked. “Yes. Every single time I wear them. Why do you think I keep requesting them?”

Jungkook let out a small laugh and leaned back against the sink.

Tae could feel the time tick through his watch.

He spoke first.

“Look, JK, honestly....does this change anything that we are already doing? I mean, they are going to pick apart anything and everything we do, see every single thing that we don’t even know we are doing. You saw, even in videos where we were trying to avoid each other, they thought we had broken up or we were pissed for some reason! So it’s a catch 22. Is it really going to change anything?” he asked again.

He really hoped that he wouldn’t be upset by what Jungkook would say next. His heart rose in his throat while he waited.

Jungkook sighed, looking deflated. “I guess not. “

Tae raised his eyebrows quizzically.

“You guess? Like you don’t care? Or you do? I need more than ‘I guess not’.”

Jungkook raised his eyes to meet Tae’s.

“Our families though…”

Tae turned his back to stare at the bathroom door that he was pressed up against moments before. They had had this conversation too many times before.

“My family loves you. They don’t care as long as I’m happy.” He said over his shoulder.

“But mine –“ Jungkook started.

“I know! I know, I know, I know…”

Tae threw his hands up in the air and then ran one through his silky hair.

Jungkook’s family was more conservative. He was supposed to find a nice Korean girl to settle down with later in his 20s. At 21, he wasn’t expected to find the person he wanted to be with. Funny thing was, Jungkook found HIM when they were both teenagers. They hadn’t fallen for each other at first but it was only a matter of time. Half of the world had fallen for Tae, to hear Jungkook tell it. But there was only one person for him.

Tae pulled Jungkook into his arms and held him tightly against his chest. He could feel Jungkook’s heart speed up.

“So what do we do?” he asked, his lips against Jungkook’s neck.

A quick knock on the door had them jumping back from each other.

“Ayo! Is Jungkook or Taehyung in there? Or both even? Dressed? Undressed? Wait, no, don’t answer that. Just knock if any of those are correct.” a voice shouted.

They looked at each other smirking at Min Yoongi’s usual question when knocking on a bathroom door in their dorm. It was a running joke because he had walked in on them having an innocent talk while sitting fully clothed in the bathtub. To be honest, he can’t even remember how they ended up there. One too many bottles of who knows what, surely.

Tae gave Jungkook one last look.

“Talk about it later then?” he asked.

Jungkook nodded curtly and sighed.

Tae felt his chest tighten.

It was going to be a long night.

------------------

Tae finished relaying his story to Hoseok.

Hoseok had stared at the floor as Tae spoke, not raising his eyes. After a few silent seconds, which really felt like hours, he spoke.

“Well. What did the ARMY have to say?”

Tae sat back for a minute. Well, damn. They didn’t read any of the comments on the videos. They only saw what text was presented in the videos posted by creators.

“Well the fans that created the videos seemed to support us. But we didn’t read down into the actual comments. We were so enamored with the videos. I mean, Hobi, they analyzed EVERYTHING!” he emphasized the last word incredulously.

“A small brush of a hand, me looking at him when he talked, him “gazing” at me as I answered…” Tae air quoted.

Hoseok smirked. “You two just don’t know that you’re doing it, do you?”

Tae raised his eyebrows. “What do we do?”

Hoseok jumped up as Hoseok does and paced excitedly.

“You DO gaze at each other. You move around others to be near each other, to brush a hand against the other. You’re famous for putting an arm around him every opportunity you get. To stare at him with hearts in your eyes when he opens his mouth. That’s the clips that get the most analyzing.”

He let out a little laugh at the end.

Tae bit the inside of his lip. Did they?

“Wait, what do you mean I’m famous for it?”

Hoseok paused in his pacing.

“Uh. Well…”

Tae raised an eyebrow again. “Out with it.”

Hoseok pursed his lips.

“We…MAY….have known about these videos….the guys and i…Well, Jin and I….and Namjoon…Maybe Yoongi…Possibly Jimin..? But honestly, It’s better than any Kdrama out there, Taehyung.”

Tae could see a smile trying to push its way through Hoseok's lips.

Meanwhile his own expression was blank.

“You just named all of you.”

Hoseok shrugged and mumbled under his breath.

“Well, yeah, sounds about right. May have had a viewing party a time or six.”

Tae’s eyes widen.

“ARE…. YOU….. FUCKING…..KIDDING…. ME?!” he screeched, jumping up.

Hoseok jumped back and scowled.

“Whaaaaaat the fuck was that?” a voice called from behind Tae.

He turned to see Jungkook and Namjoon standing in the doorway, addressing them. Jungkook’s eyes were wide and trained on Tae’s face.

Hoseok started whistling and staring at the wall beside him.

Tae clenched and unclenched his hands while giving himself time to calm down.

But another voice stopped him.

“Let’s go! Bus to the hotel leaves in 5 minutes! Cameras, start rolling.”

The members stared at one another.

The conversation would have to wait.

Let me know what you think! I’ll post the first three chapters. If it’s well received, ill post all I have written up til now.

Thanks!

Part Two

#bts fan fiction #bts story #bts fan fic #bts #kpop fanfiction #taehyung #v #jungkook #vkook #kookv #taekook #taekook fan tiction

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sambart93 · 6 years

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2018.07.02 Lucky Dog Saien [Review]

Official Site here Official Twitter here Official Online Shop here Other Goods here DVD? Wasn’t announced this time around... Previous DVD here

CAST and CHARACTERS

Domoto Shohei as Gian/Jan Carlo Sugie Masahiro as Bernardo Ortholani Yamauchi Keisuke as Luchino Gregoretti Terumi as Guilio Di Bondone Sato Shinsuke as Ivan Fiore Maniwa Ryosuke as Bakshi Christensen Tsubochi Satoru as Jornese Asakura Yusuke as David Ensemble: Kaku Ryouna, Hashimoto Keita, Funabashi Hiroki, Sendo Yura, Shimoda Junki, Shimizu Hiroki

You can read the ShoEn/First Run Review here. But for the most part of this review, I’m just going to write what was changed and what I enjoyed, rather than a full ‘review’ style post. I think this time around I would change my rating to an 8 or 8.5 out of 10!

PRE-SHOW/SET

☆On my way to theatre, I noticed so many girls with blonde or pink or coloured hair and/or bright outfits and I immediately knew they were all coming to Lucky Stage. I stoodd out so much just because I was the most plain looking and plain dressed xD

☆They added a row Z smack in the middle of the theatre which proves just how sold out this damn stage was! How could you sell out so much that you even magically make an extra, previously non-existent row, and even that sells out and you have no Toujitsuken for most of the days?! I think that is phenominal, especially for a 'smaller' play disregarding huge series' like TouStage and TouMyu and Naruto etc. I am so proud they even sold out SantaMall Theatre!!

☆BUUT I’m annoyed we couldn’t reserve the damn CD! It wasn't being released until the Saturday's performances but I went the Monday... I wanted the CD! Why didn't they let us, who could only go to the Before-Saturday shows, reserve?! It made me sad.

☆The staging and set design is much better and bigger this time around! We have actual doors at the middle and back of the stage, instead of that underground rotating thing we had last time which was super annoying. So with these doors, it made it much easier and much quieter to switch the set behind them. Other than the big door change, it looked like it was set up the same way as last time too! But with there being scene changes, some of the later sets were either slightly different looking, change the set completely from last time or completely got rid of a set (change) for that scene.

THE SHOW

I'll try and be as chronological as I can be! The story and the scenes are all in the same order as the first run of the show was and there wasn't any big changes to the story either. But here are things I loved seeing again or enjoyed more this time around or were new higawaris (daily changes) and such.

☆When Ivan masturbated in the opening scene (again), instead of being lead down in the jail cell, this time he was standing against a wall. When he caught the rest of them watching, he ran towards them and then he wiped his ‘remains’ on Jan and Domoto yelled so loud over the music ‘TSUITA!!!! It’s on me!!!!’. I was absolutely dying of laughter!

☆Ivan did his three skits again towards the beginning of the stage when he's talking alone with Jan (just before a group meeting), and then got Jan involved but Domoto turned it on him and ordered ‘ippatsu gag! (meaning something like 'a one line joke')’ so Ivan shamelessly said ‘Bang bang bang, Ore ni bang! (Bang, bang, bang. Bang me!)’.

☆After the first group meeting, Ivan is hot headed so went to storm out, but Bernardo is like ‘the exit is the other way’ and Ivan yells ‘I KNOW!’ and turned around and went the right way. It was very well timed and very funny -- I don't think this was in the First Run.

☆I think it was also during this first group meeting when Ivan talks about Jan's gayness and how Ivan isn't gay unlike everyone else; suddenly all the Ensemble cast came on stage and into the meeting room, sitting on Bernado and such, and tried to entice Ivan！And one guy slapped his bare butt at Ivan. Oh my, I was dying!!

☆Speaking of the Ensemble cast, they were absolutely GOLD again, doing all the different roles like inmates and polite, gang members, civilians etc.

☆I am super happy that they brought back the Chinese worker character and them pretending not to know Japanese until the end and another member translating his Chinese again!

☆Also we got the Forcing Bernardo to eat scene again. This time he was just like ‘mmmm...mm....mmmm mmmm.....mmmm mmmm’ and Domoto was giggling because Bernado really couldn't talk; he had too much in his mouth xD

☆There was a change in the Lucino and Jan scene. Instead of it being in Lucino's bedroom this time and Jan finding the ring under the pillow and explaining about what happened; this time it took place in the normal meeting room and it's much later in the stage now when the explanation about his wife and child come out. But one thing in this scene that got us all was that towards the end of this scene, Lucino is cleaning up and putting the guns and such away, but Lucino got his bloody tie stuck in the briefcase! It was obviously by accidentally because he just casually commented ‘I’ve trapped my tie!!’ and he took so long to unlock the briefcase, take the tie out and lock it again. Jan had already walked off stage and then realised what had happened and that it was taking longer than it should've, so he came back on stage like ‘are you not ready yet?!?!’ which was a nice touch.

☆I have a note here from a moment of: ‘Just listen to me!’ ‘-Ok’ I'm pretty sure it's after Ivan has another of his hissy fits and Jan yells at him and very (like a child getting told off) just agrees. Shame I can't remember because it clearly stuck with me after the show that night...

☆Another part is just before Jan explains the big and final plan to everyone (that leads to the climax fight of the stage), and Ivan walks out (at the beginning of this scene) on stage, notices the one spotlight on his side of the stage, and is like ‘wtf the fuck?’. He then stands in it and straightens his shirt and tries to look his best. It gave us all giggles.

☆AND it's during this final big meeting, where Jan forgets to tell Ivan his role in the plan, Jan’s like ‘oh.... I forgot about you! So you’ll be.... the Secret leader!’ And Ivan got all happy and was smiling out to the audience. This was also in the First Run but getting to enjoy and like Ivan more this time, I appreciated and loved this scene all the more this time around.

☆Speaking of appreciation, I really really enjoyed and understood the characters all the more this time around! Which led me to crying so many more times this time around too!

I got a lot more attached to Lucino this time so I was crying during all his 'past' scenes and when the story of his wife and child came out etc.

I really really felt like I understood Giulio more this time around; the first time, he just seemed to be cray out of know where which a sprinkle of backstory, but this time around you could see more of him trying to obey his father (or at least I understood and catched on quicker and more this time around with him development and backstory) and stuck between doing back things out of fear of wanting to please his father; wanting to stay a child because that's when he's most happy and feels more safe; and to stay one Jan and co's side because they accept him for who he is, even though he'd tried to hide this abused and cray side from them all this time. I really, really got a lot more upset during the Giulio attacking Jan scene this time and just cried so hard. But then in later scenes I was crying for Giulio because of what he has to deal and put up with etc. I also love how even though he's gone through all this shit, he's still able to have his childish and cute moments -- but that could be due to part-mentalising the bad so he can have an innocent and okay side.

AND, it's clearly obvious how much I love Ivan and ridiculous comedy beause of how much I've written about him here already!

And finally we have Bakshi who I AM IN LOVE WITH!! Absolutely in love! He ended up being my favourite character at the end of the First Run too but seeing him again, really clarified my love for him. I think he's absolutely great! But I did notice and realise this time around that he has a lot less stage time than I had remembered. BUT nevertheless! When he was on stage... it was great!!! I also realise this time around that he says stuff like 'Zokuzoku (translating to: thrilling or feeling creepy or shuddering etc)' which is exactly the same thing that Shiki from Dance with Devils says so it makes total sense as to why I ended up falling for Bakshi in the first place! I think he's great and such a little shit! I really hope that IF they do a second stage, they'll put his route in and we can see him and Jan get together *please!!*

☆For this Re-Run, we had a different ending for each character that is romantically involved with Jan. The day I went, I got Jan x Giulio's ending. It was super cute! It started with Giulio sat on the stairs picking the petals off a flower going 'He likes me... he hates me... he likes me... he hates me... like... like... like, like, like, likelikelikelikelike..' which was very funny and then Jan quietly came on stage asking Giulio what he was doing. It ended with Giulio feeling bad that he hurt Jan but Jan's like, 'it's okay, because I'll protect you,' and ends with them kissing.

☆It’s been a while since I’ve heard such an enthusiastic round of applause that just wouldn’t stop in the flesh. It felt so good hearing it and I bet they felt great hearing it too!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Argh it was so gooooood!!!! I cried so much more this time around!!!! I forgot how much I loved some characters and how funny some moments are!!!! I also got to appreciate some characters much more this time and it really is a good story, great characters, great action. It’s very good and deserves all the sold-outness that it got! Also I love what they added!!!!

I really, really hope we get a second installment, with the same cast and that we get more Bakshi and maybe even a Bakshi route!! PLEASE!!!

GOODS

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wineanddinosaur · 3 years

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VinePair Podcast: TV Loves Food Shows. Why Not Drinks?

VinePair, in partnership with Rémy Martin, presents the Bartender Talent Academy, an exciting Cognac cocktail competition. Showcase your most creative Sidecar cocktail recipes to compete for a chance at the grand prize: a trip to Cognac, France in October to test your bartending skills against the world’s best. All you need is a shaker and a passport. Visit www.bartendertalentacademy.com for all competition details.

This week on the “VinePair Podcast,” Adam Teeter, Zach Geballe, and Joanna Sciarrino discuss the lack of drinks-focused shows on television. After listing what they have been drinking recently — including hard seltzer smoothies from Smooj — our hosts dive into a discussion about why so few drinks-focused shows have successfully aired.

Teeter shares his own experience creating a pilot for a drinks-based TV show with VinePair tastings director Keith Beavers — and muses on what prevents producers from taking risks on shows like it. Then, Geballe, Sciarrino, and Teeter discuss what drinks-focused shows could do differently in order to ultimately experience the kind of success that food television has enjoyed over the past decade.

If you have any thoughts on drinks-based shows, please send your ideas to [email protected].

Listen Online

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Or Check out the Conversation Here

Adam Teeter: From VinePair’s New York City headquarters, I’m Adam Teeter.

Joanna Scarrino: I’m Joanna Sciarrino.

Zach Geballe: And in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the “VinePair Podcast.” Zach, you seem to have survived a heat wave, and now we are experiencing a heat wave. Are you doing OK, buddy?

Z: I am, yeah. It was an incredibly delightful 65 and cloudy this morning here in Seattle after we set an all-time high on Sunday. Then, we beat it by 5 degrees on Monday, so yay us! Hooray! It’s funny, this is a question for the both of you to ponder when it comes to extreme heat. It definitely got to a point on Sunday and Monday where I didn’t even want to drink. Normally, I want to have a drink in the afternoon and evening. On Sunday, only water sounded good to me. Fortunately, that temperature is, as of yet, not very common, but when it gets that hot, do you even think about having a drink?

A: No, I’m not in that position.

Z: OK, fair enough.

A: I would like a cold beer. I would only get something super refreshing, but I agree with you that when it does get super hot, I just want water. Also, alcohol dehydrates, which is not fun, but it’s crazy because I think a lot of people were a little bummed when they looked at the forecast. It was supposed to be really hot, but it’s going to be rainy. But I would think that’s not a bad thing.

Z: Yeah, it would be a nice relief after what you guys are going through right now.

A: It’s not fun, man. In the meantime, what have you been drinking?

Z: For me, the thing that I had most recently was a couple of Chardonnays that are both, I think, really exceptional. One is from Philippe Pacalet, a producer in Burgundy. It was the Puligny-Montrachet. My wife and I have this very fun tradition. When we were dating, Caitlin thought if we got engaged, I would get her a ring and she wouldn’t get me anything. Yes, I understand historically, but frankly, she makes a lot more money than me, so she could certainly buy me something. Well, I didn’t want a ring so we decided that if we got engaged, which we obviously did and then got married, that she would give me a case of wine. Our tradition has been to open one bottle a year on the anniversary of our engagement, which was June 28. She talked to the proprietors at the wine shop that I frequented, and they helped her pick out a case of wine, which was mostly successful. There were one or two wines in there that I probably wouldn’t have bought if it was me, but that’s cool. Then the day before, I had a Chardonnay from Ramey Wine Cellars, which is in Healdsburg in Sonoma. Both beautiful wines were beautiful expressions of a variety that I really like with some richness, but not too oily. Fruit ripeness but not over-ripeness befitting the Sonoma Coast Chardonnay. It’s got a little more saltiness and a lot more earthiness and savory notes in the Burgundy. Those are the two things I had recently that I really, really enjoyed. Joanna, what about you?

J: I finally had a hard seltzer smoothie. Talk about a not particularly refreshing beverage. It was quite thick, but also effervescent and fruity and a little bit bitter.

Z: Oh, interesting.

J: Yeah, it is a very interesting thing. In one case, there was coconut cream in it, so that was an interesting thing I got to try recently. Also, I had my first High Noon.

A: Wow, so you just went all-in on seltzers this weekend?

J: Yeah. I’m really into trying new RTDs recently, just checking them out. The High Noon was really good. I enjoyed it. I’m not big on hard seltzer myself, but the High Noon, for whatever reason, was more flavorful and better for me.

A: Amazing, so I finally had my first hard seltzer smoothie, too.

J: Oh really?!

A: Yeah, I had it on Saturday and it was called Smooj.

J: I had Smooj, too!

A: I had the exact one you had. I could only drink like three sips of it. It was weird. It was really tasty, and yet I couldn’t drink more of it. It tasted like a hard seltzer Piña Colada. It was so weird. Is this what the kids are into nowadays? Maybe this is not my thing, but it was an experience, to say the least. Then, I had some other really fun beverages, since it was my birthday.

Z: Oh, that’s right.

A: Yeah, it’s OK that you forgot.

Z: We wished you a happy birthday last time, man!

A: I know.

Z: Are you one of these “I-have-a-whole-birthday-month” people?

A: No, no, no. Anyways, we had some really nice cocktails. Some people brought really good pre-made rum drinks, which were pretty delicious and we also enjoyed some Smooj. It was so weird. Then, the funniest thing is I had this magnum of wine that I’d been saving for a while. It was a magnum of Tablas Creek, actually, and I was really excited to open it. We did, and it was pretty bad.

Z: It’s so funny. I was just talking to someone about this the other day about how I think, on the podcast, we have generally encouraged people to just go ahead and open the wines unless you are really dead set on collecting and saving. You could end up with a situation where you potentially have one you’ve been looking forward to forever, and then it just doesn’t deliver. That sucks. It’s no one’s fault really, but it’s still a big bummer.

A: It’s a massive bummer. It was definitely a bummer for it not to have been as alive as I wanted it to be. Otherwise, it was a fun birthday, and delicious beverages were consumed.

Z: Have you ever been to Tablas Creek?

A: I have. It was an awesome experience.

Z: Yeah, that’s a place I’d like to go because I’ve never been.

A: It was a really awesome experience. Check out their nursery, it was super cool. It was good.

J: I have a question before we get into our topic for Zach. How is your Paper Plane riff coming along?

Z: Oh, that’s a really good question. I have not yet done what I said I would do last week because as I mentioned, my prime cocktail consumption is a weekend thing. It was too hot to think about anything, especially a relatively heavy cocktail. However, the plan actually for tonight at some point is to try one with some dry Curaçao as the ingredient that maybe will bring balance back to the cocktail.

A: Look at you!

Z: Well, I got a lot of home bar ingredients, so I’ve got to find something to use them for. As I’ve become like you guys, more inclined towards a Margarita that doesn’t have a lot of orange liqueur in it, I gotta figure out something to do with that with a dry Curaçao. Maybe this will be a good outlet for it because I certainly would drink a lot of this cocktail if I can dial it all the way in, but we’ll see.

A: Cool. Zach, want to kick off our topic for this week?

Z: I do. Plus, we got to get ready because you’re going to be MIA in a couple of weeks.

A: I think you’re really excited that I have a vacation coming up. Sorry, not really a vacation, but a work trip.

Z: I’m just excited for you because your work trips always are fruitful for the company.

A: And also, GTFO!

Z: Anyhow, the topic that I want to talk about today started with a thought about “Top Chef,” because one of the contestants who’s near the end of the competition, this go-round, is from Seattle and someone I know a little bit. I’m not a big “Top Chef” fan. I think I watched a couple of the early seasons, but I am not really a fan of cooking competition shows. I was a huge “Iron Chef” fan when I was a kid because I was a weird kid. As an adult, they haven’t been as interesting to me or I just haven’t had the time for them. Yet, it made me think about shows, whether it’s competition-oriented potentially with cocktails, or even something wine- or beer-focused. Why have drinks struggled so much to crack into television? There are not only channels devoted to food, but even outside of that, there are so many shows that have food at the center — whether it’s travel, competitions, or just how-tos. Yet, there’s almost none of that in the drink space. I have some theories, but Joanna, you have a lot of experience on the food side and have seen certainly how the success of these shows has driven celebrity and interest in food. Why do you think it is that drinks have not been able to get into this world?

J: Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about this. There are just so many food shows and baking shows, specifically, that I think are mesmerizing to people and have a wider entry point for people, perhaps. I think there’s also something about dishes coming together and cakes and things like that coming together, too, that is really compelling. As you said, the competition-style or the gamification of these things, I think is really compelling for people to watch. Competing against other professionals or people in the space is really interesting to watch. I think it also just happened with the rise of food media. People really got into it in the last 5-10 years.

A: Oh, at least 10.

J: Yeah, “Iron Chef” was the first one.

A: I love “Iron Chef.” As someone who used to watch the Food Network before they would go to bed in college.

J: Same!

A: Yeah, I was obsessed with it. I was always really into food media. I do think that I have a really weird first-hand amount of knowledge in this because Keith, who is VinePair’s tastings director, and I actually shot a pilot of a drink show for the Food Network.

Z: Tell us more.

A: Not many people know that. Well before VinePair, I was in the music industry, actually, and Keith owned a wine shop and a restaurant in the East Village. He and I came up with this idea for this music series called “Vivo In Vino.” I had all these record industry contacts and he had a restaurant. Sunday nights were not the most lucrative in the restaurant business in New York City. He said, “Well, what if we just shut down the restaurant on Sunday nights? You book these big bands and they play these intimate shows.” Basically, the whole idea from my point of view had come from my recognition that people in the music business really missed those small shows they played when they were baby bands. As you’re trying to make it, you would start playing in these rooms of 20 people rather than 100 people, than 150 people. Ultimately, you’d start playing 500,000-person shows and it never felt the same. A lot of bands miss that 100-people feel, so we packed 75 to 100 people into his restaurant — probably against fire code. We thought, how are we gonna pay for this? The way we figured it out was to sell tickets, but also bring on a sponsor. We’re both into wine, so what if we make this sponsor a wine brand? Then, they come in, and basically halfway through the set, we have a conversation about the wine. We’re combining teaching people about wine, demystifying wine, with awesome music. That’s how it started. Lo and behold, a person that I knew who was a producer in L.A. heard about it and said, “Have you ever thought about doing a show about alcohol?” And I said, “No, but I love food TV. I think we could do this.” The concept of “Juiced,” which is what they named it, was that we would travel around the world experiencing beverages and people’s cultures. It is similar to “No Reservations” and this is really the time when “No Reservations” was just becoming popular. It was still on the Travel Channel. I don’t know if it was called “No Reservations.” It was still called…

Z: “Parts Unknown,” right?

A: I’m sorry, it was called “No Reservations,” and then it became “Parts Unknown” when it went to CNN. It was just becoming something. At the time, she was producing at a company that was run by a pretty famous editor named Angus Wall. Basically, along with some other producers, came together to produce this show. It was a really interesting experience. What we thought we were doing was producing really engaging TV but we kept hearing from everyone that drinks don’t work on TV. And we asked, “Why? We’re coming out with really fun episodes and this is going to be such a blast” and all this shit. Then, we kept hearing that drinks don’t work on TV. Well, is there any proof of that? They said, “No, but don’t drinks don’t work on TV.” The biggest thing we heard is that one of the reasons drinks don’t work on TV is so many of them go back to the traditional way that food TV works, which is that they actually talk about dishes. What we were proposing with “Juiced” and actually what I think we’ve done pretty successfully with some of the stuff we shot for VinePair is actually more cultural. The beverage is not the center. We’re not going to sit there sniffing the wine and talking about the aromas. I know SOMM TV exists at this point, but I don’t know how many subscribers it has. There’s a lot of that there with the “Somm” movies where they’re actually giving tasting notes. The reason that producers would tell us that drinks don’t work on TV is that when you shoot the show like that, which is the way most people shoot it because *those are the excerpts you are getting, consumers are completely lost. Whereas on Rachael Ray, let’s use her as an example, or Jamie Oliver, when they’re cooking a pork chop — and this is the little example that was given to us in the middle of pitching the show — you know what a pork chop tastes like. You may not know what the spices that they are using tastes like, but you have the general idea of what a pork chop tastes like. Then, you start to imagine what a spicy pork chop could be, even if you’re never going to actually taste that dish in your life or what salmon with teriyaki sauce could be? You take the salmon and the teriyaki, and you can somewhat understand it. Also, cooking just in general is much more visual. There’s a lot of things happening. There’s fire, there’s searing. There’s all that shit that you’re doing that’s more fun to watch. There’s action, and we like action. You need to see something happening. Juiced was not that, right? We threw parties, we hung out with people and we talked about people’s backgrounds. It was much more of a “No Reservations” thing. We shot a pilot, and the whole idea behind the pilot was funny. Keith and I were throwing a fun party for our friends at a house that a buddy owned in the Hamptons. Keith and I don’t know anyone in the Hamptons, but you get the behind-the-scenes look on how they’re producing it. They found this house that had this amazing saltwater pool. We actually shipped all of our friends out of the Hamptons. They chartered busses and put them all out there.

Z: Nice.

A: Keith and I were planning for the party, and we wanted to bring some of New York. Of course, when you’re working with people who are based in L.A., what they think of New York is different. They thought, “Yeah, we are going to have you and Keith hailing a taxicab and you’re going to go to the Hamptons in a cab.” I guess this is actually how they make TV, but I didn’t really realize any of these things. Anyway, we go to Astoria first after meeting at Keith’s restaurant thinking about throwing a fun party in the Hamptons. We go to Astoria, and we find Keith’s favorite souvlaki truck. The whole purpose of the episode was high/low, and that’s why they wanted the Hamptons. We get the souvlaki truck and we take it out to the Hamptons. We took the people who own the souvlaki truck wine tasting with us first at two wineries, which was really fun. It was this amazing mother and her daughter, and they’d never been to wineries before, but they loved wine. It was just such a really fun experience to take them.

Z: Now, I need to know if we can find this in the Food Network archive.

A: No, you can’t. It never aired, so I’m going to get there. We shoot all this stuff, and then we go to this party. The whole point of the party is we’re pouring this really great wine, but we’re pouring it out of carafes. No one knows what the wine is. Everyone is interacting with the wine, walking around, and then our friends from the souvlaki truck are making souvlaki for everyone. We were also in this beautiful backyard. We were all having a great time, and everyone’s just hanging out, talking, asking food and wine questions. At the end of the episode, I ask Keith, “What’s the wine?” Then, I bring out these boxes. I said, “You were drinking boxed wine!” Then, Keith jumps into the pool. It was so ridiculous. We then had the fun experience of selling the show, so you take your pilot and your sizzle and you try to sell it. We went to this big conference in D.C. where A&E and Travel Channel are. We met with the producer who had bought “No Reservations” and we wound up getting connected with this really nice guy who was at the Food Network but now I think is at Bravo. He was interested and he said, “We’ll think about airing this. By the way, we have a few shows ahead of you, one of which was called ‘Beer Chicks,’” which I didn’t know what they were thinking.

Z: I mean, “Juiced” sounded good.

A: Every time I think about why beverage has failed on TV, people have some good points, but then they also just *f*cking sh*t the bed with the worst names and the worst ideas. They probably had great personalities that would have been so engaging on television, but they just overdid it because they’re so scared that the beverage is going to fail on TV. This one was hosted by two women who I think at the time were at the iconic restaurant in Los Angeles, Father’s Office, running the beverage program. Father’s Office was well known to have great beer, but the show bombed. They aired it a few times. It never got viewership. Basically, we were told by the producer, “We’re sorry, guys. We tried it, and it didn’t work. We’re not going to take the risk anymore.” That was it. I know people have tried in the past, but we only really think of Stanley Tucci’s show that was really popular in talking about wine. Then, you do see some shows that have these crazy followings like “The Wine Show.” It’s British, and a lot of Americans actually don’t know it.

J: Yeah, I don’t know it.

A: The host is Matthew Rhys.

Z: I think Matthew Goode is his name.

A: Matthew Rhys and Matthew Goode are the two hosts. I love Matthew Rhys because I love “The Americans.”

J: Me too.

A: This show does well because these are very handsome actors who also love wine.

Z: Wait, so you’re telling me that wasn’t the selling point for you and Keith?

A: Look, I like to think that I’m handsome, but I am not an actor. Well, Naomi says I’m handsome.

Z: That’s all that matters.

A: Yeah, and we’re not celebrities. I think that’s why that show works. Also, I think one of the reasons it doesn’t work on TV is because there are too few producers willing to try it. That is my long way of answering your question. Ultimately, it could work, but people are really scared to take the risk.

Z: That’s an interesting thought and one that I had considered. I want to bounce a couple of additional possibilities off the two of you. This comes back a little bit to what you were saying, Adam, about how everyone’s had a pork chop, and everyone can imagine what a pork chop tastes like. Sure, you might not know all the flavors, but you can at least start from somewhere. I think part of it is whether it’s wine, beer, or spirits. There aren’t as many drinks that have that same level of near-ubiquity in people’s lived experience. I think that even goes beyond something else, which is that almost everyone has tried cooking before. Even if it’s something as simple as boxed macaroni and cheese or making French toast, everyone’s at least tried it once in their life. But, a lot of people have never tried to make a cocktail. They have certainly never made beer or wine. The most they’ve possibly done is open a can or a bottle and pour it into the glass. That’s the least interesting thing to watch, so there’s not a lot in that. Even if you’re right, Adam, that producers and networks have not been willing to take many risks with drinks, I do think there is something about how it may be a little harder to connect with people through an experience that they just may not share. I think it’s easy for us as people in this field to forget that people who we think of as relatively sophisticated, never made a cocktail or the most they’ve done is put gin in a glass and add tonic water. It is a great cocktail, but not very challenging. Even making a classic cocktail to create something on the fly feels so outside of their experience that they can’t maybe put themselves in the person doing it on screen’s shoes.

A: Yeah, I think that’s true. I think it’s hard to describe everything that’s happening or what you’re tasting. You mentioned cocktails, and I do wonder if ultimately that is the show that actually could do well.

J: Just consider TikTok and the type of cocktail content on TikTok that has performed well and gotten millions of followers. I wonder if now, after the past year, a drink show could work.

Z: I’ve wondered why SpeedRack, which I know Joanna and Adam are familiar with, but for listeners, it is a cocktail competition that fuses craft cocktail bartending and speed. The competitors are all women, and they have great backstories. It’s super exciting. I’ve been to live competitions in Seattle a number of times, and it always is super engaging. I’ve always been baffled at how there hasn’t been something like that. Of course, it’s not going to be “Top Chef” potentially, but it’s got everything that I think you would want, including a very frantic, visually stimulating thing. Bartending is the one thing in here that really meets some of the same needs that a cooking show does.

A: Totally.

Z: Someone is doing a lot of things. The problem with wine and beer is a lot of times the people are just sitting there sipping and talking. I agree with producers on this point that it can never be the centerpiece of a show. A wine show has to be more of a travel show, more through the lens of wine and in terms of beer, I’m not sure. You could maybe figure out something else. It could quite possibly be about the personalities more than anything else. Again, I bartended, and people would sit there at the bar and thought I was some great bartender. They would sit there at the bar because you are either shaking, straining, or garnishing something. People are captivated because it’s a thing. It doesn’t have to be Tom Cruise in “Cocktail,” flair bartending. Although, that is what brings it back because again, coming back to TikTok, that’s obviously a big part of what you see on there, too. Yet, bartending is the thing that would make sense. I agree that this is probably where I think you’re most right, Adam. No one wants to take a chance, which is a shame because, God knows, every other TV show gets greenlit these days.

A: Totally, I completely agree. I think this is the one thing that would work. If we were to do an amazing cocktail competition show, I think it could slam because there’s a lot of stuff about it that’s really fun. Again, a lot of people do know what rum tastes like. That is going back to my original example where the producer told me almost a decade ago why food works and drinks doesn’t. I think that answers that issue. I also do think that a drinks program could work but focused much more on culture, history, etc. I think exploring parts of America through drinks and combining them with food really works. Even on these food shows, there are very few times when people actually do talk about the drinks, but I think to make it work, it has to come from a much more inclusive place, and it has to be so much less talking about beer and wine — so much less somm-y and cicerone-y. Do you know what I mean? It can’t be about the analysis in the same way. If you’re the person who’s creating the show, you would need to figure out and understand very quickly that a vineyard looks like a vineyard. Even a taproom and things like that, they all look the same, so what is it that you’re doing that’s different? Are you showing more of the town that it exists in and the people and the places? You can walk through someone’s vineyard only so many times before consumers are saying, “Oh, I already saw those other episodes where they’re also in vineyards.” In those vineyards, the grapes were obviously different, but this pretty much is the same experience you’re having at each place. I think that that’s the thing that scared producers so much about wine on television. How much do people want to watch…

J: The same thing over and over again?

A: Yeah, things the professionals get very excited about, but that consumers don’t.

Z: I think you’re 100 percent right. In addition to that, you have to strike a fine balance of wanting to tell interesting and unique stories but also pick things that people can actually go experience. For example, picking wines that people might be able to find. I’m blanking on the exact name, but I remember one of my favorite, random episodes we’ve done, and Adam, you were there, we interviewed the guy on the island in the Venetian Lagoon, and I can’t remember what the name of the winery is.

A: Yeah, it’s Venezia.

Z: Yeah, it was such a fascinating story. And it could’ve been something that would make for a great episode of TV if anyone were ever to do it, except the fact that they make 500 bottles of wine a year. I think it was a really interesting story and this great example of people’s maddening obsession with doing something, even as the sea is fighting you. There’s something majestic in that. Again, it’s a little hard. It’s one thing for our podcast to maybe talk about, but it is another thing for a television show to show this and then tell people, “If you want to get it, great. It’s $100, and you’ll never be able to find a bottle.” You run that difficult balance that I think also with food, some things are very inaccessible because you have to travel somewhere very, very specific to get them. However, the point of wine is that it is a way to travel without leaving your house, which could be a great thing for a show but then the wine has to be at least reasonably accessible to most viewers.

A: I agree. Well, I don’t think we solved the beverage problem on TV, but I think we at least uncovered it.

Z: Seriously, if someone can find the “Juiced” episode… I need this.

A: It exists on a hard drive in my apartment. You’re not posting it.

Z: Naomi, please!

A: No, but Keith will tell you all about it. It was the seed that had us starting to think about VinePair and what this could look like through culture and through beverage.

Z: Joanna, have you been on TV? I mean, actually been on a TV show?

J: I have not, no.

A: She is going to be soon. Get ready.

Z: That sounds like news we will have to reveal some other time.

A: Oh yeah. Joanna and I are going to go shoot a show together in Mexico pretty soon, but everyone will hear about that in the near future. Until then, guys, stay cool. I hope everyone has an amazing Fourth of July weekend. I know those who are listening will be after the Fourth, but for you guys, I hope you both have really lovely times and great barbecues and have delicious drinks. I’ll talk to you next week.

Z: Sounds great.

Thanks so much for listening to the “VinePair Podcast.” If you love this show as much as we love making it, then please give us a rating or review on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever it is you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show.

Now for the credits. VinePair is produced and recorded in New York City and in Seattle, Wash., by myself and Zach Geballe. He does all the editing and loves to get the credit. Also, I would love to give a special shout-out to my VinePair co-founder, Josh Malin, for helping make all this possible and also to Keith Beavers, VinePair’s tastings director, who is additionally a producer on the show. I also want to, of course, thank every other member of the VinePair team who is instrumental in all of the ideas that go into making the show every week. Thanks so much for listening, and we’ll see you again.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: TV Loves Food Shows. Why Not Drinks? appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/drinks-tv-shows-podcast/

0 notes

justin-chapmanswers · 7 years

Note

how exactly do you write the show? what techniques do you use to write certain scenes?

Storytelling a character-work matters to me above anything else. As a result, I’m always taking notes on ideas. In my spare time, with another writer, there is constantly action. I wouldn’t spend so much time on a project that didn’t engage me in critical thought and analysis in and of itself.

Everything is 100% of the time thoroughly outlined. The remainder of the series is loosely outlined, and we know where we want each and every character to end up. Granted, some more specifically than others, but we are constantly working out the fine details. I feel that in storytelling you need to be able to maintain a balance at all times of having a close-to-vivid picture of the end-goal while leaving that mental wiggle-room to readjust ideas as new ones come up. If you lock yourself down entirely, you block off the better potential routes. If you don’t know the end goal, you’re bound to meander and not build up to something meaningful unless you get lucky. If you put all of your time into something, you CANNOT leave it to chance.

I love to live in the broader conceptual zone. Theming. Thinking through the purpose of characters and the world they live in. How do pieces connect? What matters? How would the actions of the characters reflect on the viewer and the world of the show? Why X? Why Z? Nothing makes sense, life is an illusion, how do characters make sense of that?

But also I am fascinated by character. I love to dig into a characters’ moral code and force them to question. I need to find purpose in every little quirk, whether in origin or in result over time. What pairs make sparks? How do different characters change one another? Who has a story to tell, and in the case of II, when is the best time to tell it? How does that story affect everyone else, does it create a new story? Repeat.

There is so much to say here in regards to episode 12 alone. But, sticking to released episodes, my go-to scene is Suitcase and Knife at the dock, which you better bet started way longer. We take everything that Knife and Suitcase have been through come this point, contrast it with their brief conversation in S2E7, and force a character to question the moral values while shedding light on another. It helps helps that I think they are perfectly-suited to bounce well off of each other. And that I’m a sucker for quiet, contemplative scenes. A dynamic is constructed, we re-establish our characters’ purposes (especially in the eyes of one-another), and it leads to an intense decision- one that triggers strong effects down the line. Repeat.

To start moving into your question more specifically, like I noted earlier we have a ton of concepts going forward, and as one episode nears its end we really dig into the next one and make sure everything is set and understood (I hecking love episode 13). Before Brian and I jump into more thorough outlining, we need to have every general idea sorted out, which if I had to choose one step of the process, I’d call my strong-suit (despite loving every little detail that goes into -pre-production). We need to review:

-What is each characters’ arc (important or not) in the episode, and what events accomplish it? Who needs more focus than others? Who can sit out?

-Who is getting eliminated, and how (which is well-sorted out for the series already, but with wiggle-room)?

-What do we need the characters to be able to do, physically, in the episode- and what are three challenges that can allow that to happen most-properly?

-What themes and messages matter most to us in the episode?

-What are key moments and visuals that we would like to highlight?

-What scenes NEED to happen in order to complete each arc? What scenes would we LIKE to have to strengthen those arcs and the episode?

-How does the world of the show play into the episode? What can we explore? What hints can we leave?

Then we’re onto outlining. This takes all the concepts that we initially had and breaks it down into a general beat-sheet, talking about every single important point we need to hit on, in order, for the episode to be complete- in a lot more detail. This is used as a pitch to show off the workability of the concept and how it, and likely will, play out in structure. Granted, more-so in episode 12 than in episode 11, the story that we pitch through the outline can go through many readjustments between that point and script-completion. That’s a mix between reworking concepts based on Adam and Taylor’s pitch-input and then the natural progression of the four of us (and often plus Ben) coming up with strong concepts over the scripting process that take some details in different directions.

Once we are settled on that story, scripting is on the way! By this point in pre-production I am incredibly comfortable with the characters’ mindsets and feel pretty free to go about writing out what’s in their heads. We work within the general guidelines presented by the outline, and complete scenes often as individual pieces- knowing already how they fit in and need to flow. There is so much to talk about just in terms of writing strategies, I might make separate posts about more specific types of scenes going forward. A lot of it comes down to balancing the puzzle pieces that are constantly juggled throughout my mind and the comedy that comes from the characters and their situation. It’s important to know what is necessary and when, and obviously there’s no one-way about it, but it’s a skill you can certainly build up with enough practice. A tone can sell an emotion, and emotion can sell a beat, a beat can sell an arc, and arcs are everything. Nothing is meaningless, even things about meaningless. If a story is told and a writer is purposefully avoiding making or alluding to a statement, it’s a wasted opportunity… so I see it.

A great deal of writing is rewriting. That’s a good sign. A first draft CAN be the best draft, but chances are it isn’t. Even when I have a good plan for a scene, I’ll keep the major beats at the back of mind and just let characters talk. I’ll see if they naturally hit on the beats I need them to hit on. If it goes on for long enough without meaning, the convo is scrapped, but good ideas from the scene can be retained for the next try. Retry and redirect it. A scene cannot be written so procedurally that it ruins any natural characterization that a character deserves. Again, it’s that dang balance back at-it. In writing it can be tough in the moment to entirely scrap a scene that you just worked hard on, but trust me- when you muster the strength to let go, you won’t miss it. You can always do even better.

Find a piece of yourself in every character you write. If you have trouble with writing a character, there’s a decent chance that it is because you’re connecting to them. Find qualities in the character that you can understand and empathize with, or relate it to something you’re familiar with in your day-to-day life, and focus in on that. Any character could be a good character if you use them properly and focus on what’s drawing about them.

If a scene accomplishes nothing, it shouldn’t be there. Every scene must establish a motivation, progress the action, or explain something in some manner. Understand what’s necessary, and feed into what makes a scene good.

Write what you like. Thinking about what the audience will get out of things is good when conceptualizing, but your vision should never rely on that. If you find something interesting or funny, others will too. Write what you would enjoy seeing. Occasionally when I come up with something I’ll think “this is amazing, people are gonna hate it” and go with it anyway. This goes more-so for the pre-writing stages, such as deciding character-focus degrees or eliminations, for instance, but it is still important in any step of the process.

When working with a team on a script, chances are there will be arguments. No good ways around that. That-said, embrace discussions and arguments! Every argued idea and concept deserves attention. If you are spending a lot of time on a project and are not willing to dig into what works and what doesn’t thematically, character-wise, or within the rules of the world- there is something wrong there. Be passionate about what you’re writing. Don’t shut down input until it is thoroughly discussed. Fighting does not mean something is wrong. (Although, fighting to the death is a problem).

A lot of the editing in II writing is shortening. We have a budget, we want episodes to come out as quick as possible, there’s no room to meander. Even scenes that we had deemed “perfect” at a point may still have a flaw of being too long for our own good. Although it seemed like a major limit back in the day, it quite honestly is important to learn how and when to keep writing concise. Bring everything down to the essentials. Brevity will allow your work to flow better and come across as neater. An annoyingly tedious two hour movie might be an hour long masterpiece wearing a scary costume. As someone who definitely writes extremely long on every first-go, having more than one pass to check for conciseness is wonderful.

I hope the overview of this process at least shed a little light. There are so many more details to go into, and I’ll gladly dive into them per request. Writing and constructing story for this show is what keeps me going, so I’m glad it has intrigued many of you, as well. :)

#inanimate insanity #jay rambles #jay tutorial

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leafallsonelines · 4 years

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Bizarre Love Triangle

I'm not sure what this could mean I don't think you're what you seem I do admit to myself, that if I hurt someone else Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be -New Order

I didn't want to get into a relationship.

He wore me down and soon enough I was the one crazy about him. I always answer to the undefinably strong pull toward a certain person. I was soul weary and needed a break from emotional turmoil. When you meet somebody else, they're the main character of their own love story (just like I am in mine; as it should be). I'm privy to fact that we all have a history, especially when dating in your late 20's and 30's. I wasn't ready for our stories to collide.

I desperately wanted to avoid cluttering my life with someone else's relationship baggage when I haven't even taken care of mine. He campaigned hard for the relationship. I went for it.

Despite my better judgment I always cave—give in to that desire — anticipate and absorb the pain that inevitably follows.

I told you that story to tell you this one.

Back in 2014 the term Cool Girl ™ was coined to describe women who change their personality for male approval. (The shtick is contrived and annoying once you spot it.) She doesn't have a solid sense of self and basks in attention to fill. That void; hoards men like Thanksgiving hams and gets territorial when she's not The Girl. She gets kicks from seeing how uncomfortable she can make other girls by openly flirting with their boyfriends just to watch them squirm. This act is so played out most people have an eye roll ready for anyone flying the “I'm not like other girls” banner. (Gen Z now calls them Pick-Me-Girls ™.)

I crossed paths with one in 2018 — my boyfriend's best friend of sixteen years. A self-indulgent, selfish friendship. I wasn't initially jealous, didn't interrupt, and it came back to bite me; it was hideously unfair.

For storytelling purposes let's call her “Kate Luu.” Kate, an incestuous tigermom who gets jealous of any girl her son gets with, a petulant toddler that would rather break a toy than let someone else play with it. Probably has BPD. Definitely needs a good therapist.

Like a lot of dewy eyed girls newly in love I conveniently dismissed the red flags around my boyfriend and Kate. I had empathy for them because of my past platonic friendships with flirty undertones. Guys would respectfully fall back when they got into relationships or if I Was in one. I struggled with the slow withdrawal of warmth, missed the emotional intimacy, but recognized it as the right call and moved on. A lot of young adults exploring their sexuality go through this. As I got older I favored female friendships for being uncomplicated, preferring to avoid unwanted sexual tension.

Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction.

A couple weeks after celebrating our one year anniversary Kate texts me, “We need to talk.” Alarms immediately go off in my head. The last few months I had started bringing attention to the bad vibe I was getting and the inappropriate nature of the relationship. I got tired of biting my tongue. He didn't know how to process it or correct it. His lingering infatuation with her made it impossible for him to distance himself or enforce new boundaries. He started hiding it instead. I caught him being intentionally ambiguous about his plans when going to see her. He fumbled himself into an emotional affair.

Princess Diana famously described her marriage to Charles as “crowded.” It was an unmistakable reference to his affair with Camilla. Looking back the (justifiable) anxiety I had was from being crowded. Intuition is not insecurity.

I met Kate for coffee and she read aloud a pathetic five page letter telling me I'm a bad girlfriend and “full of shit.” She was intervening on his behalf as the person who knows what's best for my boyfriend.

“It's none of your business.”

But no, she has the authority to interfere as his best friend of sixteen years and I was a one year nothing. She brought up the fact he was attracted to her first, told me I'm spineless and ruining their friendship with my insecurity. (She _really _ran with the words spineless and insecure.)

Accusations are confessions when they come from a manipulative person. Textbook projection. She was mad her narcissistic supply was tapering off. (Gaslighting Pro-tip: Label rightful jealousy as insecurity.)

My boyfriend gave her personal, intimate details of my life during their oversharings and she used that information to bully me. Nothing was off the table, including my sexual history. I can see how she manipulated him, but it was inexcusable. People who enable They leave the door open for endless rows of inappropriate behavior. All of this was happening behind my back for a year. That kind of intimate toxicity are suckers for ego massages.

Don't you just love a story where the villain puts all the evidence of her misdeeds in one letter and unravels into epic, illogical rage all in one afternoon, in the space of two hours?

How did Kate have time to write five pages of false narratives designed to destroy a relationship she was jealous of? She doesn't have a job. She's a pampered dog mom living in her rich fiancé's house for free. A busybody performatively taking care of other people to avoid a mountain of personal issues. (An unevolved Virgo.)

Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing.

Kate has many noticeable traits as an obnoxious, self-important person — an absolute fake. She calls herself a _philanthropist _without having done anything philanthropic or even knowing how to use the word; she literally saw a big SAT word that means good person and attached Herself to it. (A word assigned to big charitable donors like Bill Gates, not bloggers). She has the same relationship with the word “unconventional” and thinks using a bigger word for unique or quirky makes her even more unique and quirky. Nope, still basic.) In place of possessing any actual humor she repeats memorized dad jokes and leans into corny, forced puns. If this isn't annoying enough she then insists she's funny. (Funny people just make you laugh. They never have to tell people they're funny. Barfs in, “I speak fluent sarcasm.”)

If I poked a finger through her shallow veneer I'd find loose dirt and dog shit.

And you know what? I'm not even against intense friend love. I get it. I groove to “One Love.” Emotional freedom is important. Expressions of love are multitudinous. It should transform to fit the situation. She didn't respect basic boundaries to make room for all of us to be comfortable. She was just mad she got demoted and tried to burn the whole thing down.

Kate wanted to be the main character in my boyfriend's love story without ever actually dating him. Oh yes, I know — the audacity, the toxic lack of boundaries, the mind numbing arrogance. She's not even protagonist material — a papier-mâché hipster who got her personality from an Urban Outfitters catalog and can't stop contradicting herself despite the fact she is working off a pre-written letter. I have never encountered someone who thought so highly of herself while having almost no substance. She calls herself a writer , but is just a pseudo-intellectual English major who posts aesthetic word salad on Instagram.

Later on I realized that if someone is mean to you unprovoked it's jealousy. One of the catalysts for the meetup was a heartfelt anniversary post I wrote on Instagram. It's not my usual style, but I felt gushy and really went full blown poetic and swoony She's jealous that her own, brought up love and Birth of Venus, blah blah blah. She mentioned my IG post and even admitted it was poetic and well written, but proceeded to use that as the jumping off point to invalidate the love in it. writing is try-hard drivel; a woman in her thirties mentally stuck in 2011 tumblr cringe.

If she truly wanted him she should have pursued him honestly and not wait to mess with another person. Hell, even just owning up to her feelings and saying, “I realize I may have lost my chance with you. Is there still anything in our sixteen year history that makes you want to give us a shot instead? ”à la My Best Friend's Wedding. Treading some moral gray area, but way more acceptable than actively sabotaging a relationship.

She didn't really want him though. She just wanted to continue their friendship in that inappropriate flirtationship space to feed her ego. After the coffee date she ended their friendship in an email. That really important sixteen year friendship became disposable to her once she wasn't able to control it.

Sometimes trash does the public service of loudly identifying itself as trash and takes itself out.

If you're a female best “friend” to a guy in a relationship and you need to flex on “I was here first” and “We did this before you were in the picture,” then you were never interested in seeing that friend thrive in a romantic relationship. You just get off on being his favorite unfulfilled option. If seeing him in love with someone new has you feeling that miserable you're just being selfish. Real love doesn't overstep in a new relationship so you can hog their spotlight. You're not even a friend; you're a skunk marking your territory and keeping him in the friendzone while not really wanting him to have a girlfriend.

You learn to love somebody in their love language and not just yours. Selfish love is not real love. That's just using someone to fill a place. Maybe a distraction. Seeking anything in return isn't real love because if you want that you actually don't have love to give; it's fake; it's toxic. If there's someone who isn't around anymore and you miss them consider the fact that you might just miss the place they held in your life. (You have the freedom to fill that space anyway you want.)

She realized she burned through all her goodwill thus the sudden ghosting and extracting herself. I never asked my partner to pick me or issued any ultimatums. Sometimes important questions stay unanswered. Sometimes you have to move on without the apology you deserve. There is grief in never receiving closure.

My partner finally saw my concerns validated in the aftermath. I bubbled with rage remembering excuses he made for her. Day in and day out I was drinking from an overflowing cup of righteous anger. So what was his role in this? Stupid or co- conspirator?

He was oblivious.

“I can't believe you could've left me for a wannabe influencer.”

I switched my phone wallpaper from his picture to a solid color. Looking at his face filled me with disgust. There's only so much letting go you can ask someone to do. I knew I still loved him, but anytime a woman is hurt she becomes less interested.

How do you recover from unknowingly letting a toxic bitch walk all over and jeopardize your relationship?

Friends told me to move on, date other people. He campaigned for the relationship again. We did the work of picking up the pieces and starting over.

I'm not pretending to be perfect. I was reeling from back to back traumas. My soft spots turned hard and cynical. It was my turn to be the toxic one. I drove to work sobbing everyday for a month. I complained constantly. My default became anxious and suspicious. I'm so out of touch with the person I was before; she's a stupidly innocent, free-spirited stranger to me. It took time for the poison leach out.

It's a lot of baggage.

The couples who make it aren't always the ones that never had a reason to break up. They're the ones that decide their commitment to each other is more important than their mistakes. Fast forward to the herculean effort he made to earn back my trust and we're still very happily together. (This is published with his permission.)

Our relationship is more grounded in reality now. It's not crowded anymore. Somethings more precious from having almost been lost. Somethings will never be the same. I'm the villain in her story, just as much as she's the villain in mine. We get to live out our own endings and there is peace in that.

Hurtful, painful, memories. Memories of deep regrets, memories of hurting and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. Only those can obtain happiness. So Don't forget any of it. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don't overcome it, you'll always be a kid whose soul never grows. -The Boy Who Fed On Nightmares

#coolgirl #pickme #microcheating #emotional cheating #emotional affair

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theycalledmebonni · 4 years

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On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

Coming out of addiction and that kind of life and trying to reenter society is like trying to get a seat at the mean girls table. You literally feel like you have completely forgotten how to function around “normal” people and in a way you have.

I remember when my husband first exposed me to that kind of life and all of a sudden I was spending days awake with people who had been using drugs for the larger portions of their lives but at the very least for years and as they would all sit around and talk about when they did this drug or that drug for the first time or the time that they all got high and did [blank] or their time in jail. I sat and played candy crush like i was some kind of wall hanging.

Once my husband said, “No wonder no one likes you, you don’t ever talk to anyone you just sit there.” I looked him dead in the face and asked what he expected me to talk to them about. How was i going to join in? The flow of conversation would undoubtedly be impeded when an exchange like this happened:

“Yeah so that one time when I was shooting up heroin in the bathroom of the McDonalds and then the cops came in to serve my VOP warrant, you know what I mean about that feeling...”

and I come back with. “Yeah, one when I was on a mission trip with my church teaching vacation bible school to kids in low income housing i was really afraid that i was gonna get caught kissing this guy from the sister church when we went kayaking. Crazy times.”

seriously. no.

I didn’t talk because I had nothing in common to talk to them about. I had never experienced those things.

But something weird happens when you spend time in that life. You start to assimilate.

You ever heard that tale about putting the frog in boiling water? So it goes that if you drop a frog into boiling water, the frog will immediately jump out. BUT, if you put the frog in regular water and then you start to heat it to boiling the frog will literally stay there and be boiled to death because it just adjusts to the temperature of the water.. The same thing kinda happens.

The longer you stay in the trap the more you start to feel removed from your life before or from the “normal” society. The more you feel like you don’t belong there or anywhere. You have lost relationships and you have lost friends and now you realize that it’s hard to reconnect because some may not know why you fell off, or some have gone on with their life and they have families and responsibilities and you are ashamed. Or they know what you have been doing and they don’t want that around their kids etc. Or you know the only time that you really miss your old life is at 3am when you can’t sleep for the dope that you did earlier and your ole man is taking apart a 1987 truck and you are left alone with your thoughts and you can’t message them then because regular people are effing asleep.

You change until you don’t even think that you belong back in that “normal” life.

But then, a miracle. You decide that you don’t want to stay there anymore and you will not give drugs another second of your time and you start to want to get back to pre-world war Z life and so you start to try to reconnect.

and you find that you have the same problem. you find it hard to talk to your non-drug life friends because they want to talk about their investments and their job and you are like...”yeah, so see this vein here, this is my driving vein. Funny thing, the only time that the ole man could hit me there is when i was driving the car coming back from a dope run” and the look at you like you have snakes crawling out of your head and they are uncomfortable and you are uncomfortable and you want to crawl back into a hole.

addiction makes people uncomfortable because they don’t know how to react and I know this because I was once that person. I have apologized to someone once because i saw them physically become uncomfortable when i made some old drug life reference.

Let this serve as a PSA to “normal” society. Ranking right up with stopping the drugs is trying to get back into society. Trust me when I tell you that it is probaby the single biggest issue that we face. Because it causes in us all of the feelings that we escaped by using. We worry about being misunderstood, we worry when applying for a job because what f they ask why there is a huge gap in our employment? what if they want to go into detail about any kind of legal history, what if we are stunted in going forward because we are looked at and judged by a past that we are wanting and trying so hard to leave behind. what if we try to talk to our old friends and they don’t want to talk to us. What if they just think that we ghosted them and it wasn’t that we didn’t want to talk to them it was that we didn’t want you to see us strung out, we didn’t want you to know that we were like that. What if we have damaged relationships so bad that they can’t be repaired. What if your kid points out our tract marks and asked about them..or our scars from cutting. What if you invite us over and someone starts to talk bad about addicts. What if they ask us what we have been doing or what job we have and we can say nothing because life didn’t go like we planned and no we don’t own a car or a home we are struggling to work at Burger King and pay off our court costs?

We want our lives back. We want YOU back. We want US and our lives back. We are TRYING...please understand. Please understand that we are happy for you. Please understand that you don’t have to feel bad that you are where you are and we are where we are because we are alive and we are trying and we want to make it. If we try to message you on facebook or buy your new baby a gift please let us. We have literally felt like the scourge of society and our families for a long, long time. We have literally felt hated and rejected by everyone even ourselves and now we are clean and we are just trying to get our life back so hard. if its hard for you to talk to us because you don’t understand what we have been through or because we hurt you please TELL US. i would rather you say eff you than just say nothing. If you don’t want the gift because you think it was bought with drug money or will come from a drug house say that or let us send it and throw it away because it took A LOT for us to even write you. and being able to enjoy little things like seeing people we loved when we were happy be happy makes us feel like somebody again.

If you know someone trying to get their life back from abuse or addiction or mental illness or incarceration; GAS THEM UP. We are trying. We go to bed not thinking of the progress we made that day but of all the ways that we still didnt measure up that day.

and if you are reading this and you are like me struggling to get back on track and to join the land of the living again. I see you.

Great job staying clean today.

Great job using one less time today.

Great job calling your mom today.

Great job putting in that job application even though you are scared of rejection today.

Great job not hurting yourself today.

Great job showering today.

Great job. I am so proud of you and whether you wear pink or not you are welcome at my table and in my circle anytime and every time. Because I’ve been where you were and i’ve been where you want to be.

And on Wednesdays...we all make it.

#wedorecover #fuckaddiction #makeacomeback #meangirls #makingit #dontquit #grace

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