#I get that Laurie is 'trash' but God damn

[cherienymphe]

Anytime I read an Andy Barber story it has to be a dark fic because 90% of the non dark fics are just Andy cheating on Laurie and you being the "blameless" other woman like-

[inlovewiththefictionalcharacters]

SECOND CHANCE

CHAPTER - 1 : GARDNER

Pairing: (Dark) Andy Barber x Reader.

Warning(s): Non-Con; Dub-con; Slow-burn(Maybe); Possible Defending Jacob spoilers; Possessiveness; Grief; Angst; Any other possible warnings will be added in the future chapters.

Summary: Follow Andy’s journey after the horrible accident that turned his whole world upside down.

*****

Series Masterlist

*****

Never in his life did Andy thought he’ll go through what he did. His whole family and himself going through Jacob’s trial is one thing, but Laurie intentionally trying to take their son’s life by crashing the car to the side of the tunnel is another. He can’t even imagine why on earth did she even think that her son is capable of murdering someone. Sure, Jacob did do a lot of weird stuff that are not normally done by other teenagers. But he believed his son was innocent. And while his son was in coma, attached to IV’s, the woman who put his life in danger came out sustaining minimal injuries.

The events following that are even more ridiculous. No matter what Andy did, she always doubted him. He thought that he deserved it. After all, he did hid about his father from her and would have probably never told her about it if it wasn’t for Jacob’s trial. Andy was fine with her maintaining some distance from him after every thing that happened. After all, the distance was there between them and kept increasing during the trial. And then there was a lot of secrecy that confused him. They never maintained any secrets between them, well apart from Andy not telling her about his father. That really confused him. But what he couldn’t stand was the unbelievable hatred she’s got for Jacob and it kept growing each day. First, it was just her avoiding to look at any of Jacob’s pictures or things. He chalked it up to her feeling guilty about the accident. But then there was her literally just removing all the things that had any connection to Jacob and piling it up to one a corner in the room that those things were in. He didn’t understand why she did that. Not until one day he couldn’t find those things in those rooms anywhere and found them in trash, just as he found the baby pictures of Jacob in the trash can right before the car crash happened. And when he brought those things back inside their home and confronted Laurie about it, she just screamed at him, kept yelling at him that she didn’t want to see them anymore. It was during that time when she literally told him that she hates Jacob. Her own son. That she regrets giving birth to him and should have gotten rid of him like her friends told her to when Jacob was conceived. 

He can’t even fathom how a mother could hate her own son. And then she went on blaming Andy for everything that happened in their life. He tried taking her to therapy and even went to couples therapy with her, hoping to reduce the distance between them, but soon realized that nothing can fix things between them. Andy soon found out that one of the main reasons for the growing reasons between him and Laurie was the affair that Laurie’s been having  with some dude that kept visiting Newton frequently. He definitely didn’t peg Laurie for the cheating type, but oh well. 

But the final nail in the coffin was when Laurie tried to kill Jacob, again. He was visiting Jacob that day and Laurie insisted that she’ll tag along with him. Andy wasn’t up for it, but Laurie was persistent. Andy caved in and took her with him to the hospital. While Andy actually spent some time with Jacob in the unit, Laurie just stood outside the room, not even bothering to come. Then Andy went to talk to the doctor in-charge of Jacob’s treatment to check on the progress of Jacob’s health. When he returned, the sight in front of him chilled him to his bones. Jacob has his eyes closed and was struggling to breathe, his chest was moving frantically while Laurie just stared at him holding the oxygen mask he was wearing earlier, away from him.

“What are you doing?!” Andy growled at her, storming inside towards her while Laurie jumped and looked at him with wide eyes.

Hearing him, a nurse and doctor rushed in and helped Jacob breathe again and checked his vitals while Andy grabbed Laurie’s arm and dragged her away from his son. That was the final nail in the coffin. With some help from his previous employer, since he was still in her good books, Andy drew out a restraining order against Laurie for Jacob and also signed the divorce papers, also stating that he wanted to get full custody of Jacob. He had stayed in Newton till the divorce was finalized and also got full custody of Jacob since Laurie wanted to do nothing to do with the kid which made it easier. The house was sold too and he didn’t bother packing anything that Laurie had any input on. He just packed all of his stuff and Jacob’s sold some stuff and then gave some to charity and then moved to a place where all the ruckus and the media circus was far less. He wanted to live in peace and hopefully, Jacob will heal in time. He hoped that Jacob will be all good and healed in no time but the progress on his part is way less.

*****

It was another day spent working in the little bakery that Y/N owned. Y/N was truly lucky to find Gardner of all places to settle down for now. And she was even more lucky to find this gem of a bakery that was on sale. She literally placed almost all of her savings on it and didn’t regret it one bit about it in the past 3 years. The sales were good and the staff of 4 that worked in shifts were also good and understanding, never making a mess about things. They were like her second family and were there for her when things got a bit overwhelming. She hated dumping her stuff on them but they lived in a community and most were practically a few streets down from where she lived. 

It was a few minutes past 3 in the afternoon and Y/N looked at her watch and cussed.

“Damn, I’m getting late today...” she muttered and looked up at the older woman who was one of the staff.

“Agatha, could you mind taking over for today? Charlotte is closing today and I have to go... I made a promise...” Y/N started and the older woman just her off.

“Just go on child. Don’t worry. Char and I will look over the place. You stay safe on your way” she told her.

Y/N smiled gratefully at her, grabbed her purse and dashed outside. 

By the time she reached home, she sighed in relief and jogged towards the threshold, unlocked the door and walked inside, closing the door behind her. Walking into the living room, a smile broke on her face at the sight in front of her.

“MAMA!” a voice yelled enthusiastically upon her entering the living room.

Y/N crouched down as the toddler ran towards her as quickly as her little feet can take her and she wrapped her arms arounds Y/N’s neck.

“Hi baby!” Y/N cooed as she pressed kisses on the hair and forehead of the little toddler.

“Hi mama! I vuv you!” the little being said.

Y/N’s gaze then landed on Elie who was babysitting her little girl and smiled at her which was returned. The teenager has also been a savior babysitting the little girl whenever Y/N asked her too.

Y/N then looked at Ada, her little girl and told her “Baby, why don’t you go and get your things while mommy speaks to Elie?”

Ada nodded her head and quickly dashed towards the huge box of toys that she has. Y/N then looked at Elie and sighed.

“God, Elie. You are literally my savior, have I ever told you that?” she asked.

Elie grinned and replied “I think you might have mentioned it a time or two, but meh. Ada is the sweetest, and the most easiest to deal with. And I love hanging out with her.”

Y/N smiled gratefully. She still couldn’t understand how she got this much lucky with everything. She then pulled out thirty dollars out of her purse and handed them to Elie, who took them and bid goodbye for the day. Just then Ada ran towards her, with a few of her stuffies.

“Mama! Tea pawty!” Ada yelled enthusiastically. 

Y/N chuckled and grabbed a blanket along with a few of Ada’s stuff for the tea party with her stuffies and the two of them walked outside towards the tiny lawn they had. After setting all the things down, she sat down with Ada and was busy playing with her when the movement of a truck got her attention which was following a sleek black Audi that stopped in front of the house beside theirs. It used to be empty, but Y/N heard from Mrs. Williams that the previous owners have finally sold it to someone, but Mrs. Williams didn’t know any details about the new owner. 

Y/N saw the the truck stop behind the car and the packers and movers immediately opened the back of the truck, carefully moving all the stuff out and to the inside of the house while a guy got out of the car and lead them inside. From what she could see, he’s tall and got dark hair. While Y/N was looking at all the movement that was happening, little Ada’s gaze was transfixed at the sleek black Audi. The little girl, according to Y/N has an unhealthy obsession with cars, way more obsession that what a normal toddler has. 

“Look, mama! Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” Ada said, prolonging the R, making Y/N look at her and giggle. 

She could literally see Ada’s eyes glowing while staring at the car and Y/N shook her head in amusement. Unbeknownst to them, the owner of the said car suddenly turned his attention towards his new neighbors and caught the cute little girl’s gaze on his car and a small smile grazed his lips.

[rivers-rambles21]

The one where you’re both idiots

Part 8 of The one where Bucky has a cute neigbour series!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader (f)

Summary | Reader and Bucky become friends after he saves her from  a creep in their apartment building. Each chapter explores a different  point in their friendship - very slow burn!

Warnings | 18+ only, Smut in later chapters (this is a slow burn), swearing, unprotected sex, oral sex, (later chapters)

This is my favourite chapter so far as we’ll start seeing the events of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier impact the story more.

Chapter 8 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 1 | Masterlist

“How was your session with the world’s worst therapist?” You asked as you started unpacking your groceries. You’d run into Bucky on your way home from picking up a few things for your evening meal and had invited him inside with the offer of a home cooked meal. 

Taking the milk from you, he helped put your items away as he pondered his response. “Same as always, she asks about the nightmares, I lie to her and she starts writing on that damned notepad.” Taking a tomato from the bag, he snuck one into his mouth and put the rest away, giving him a second to think before continuing. He’d been at your apartment that many times by now he knew where everything lived.

Hoisting himself up onto the kitchen countertop, he sat in his usual spot as he watched you busy around, pulling your utensils out ready to cook. “She also brought up how alone I am.” Despite his efforts, his voice broke slightly, something that you didn’t fail to notice. 

“Well that’s a load of bull” You scoffed as you turned to face him, opening your arms wide. “You’ve got me!” 

He smiled back at you, his face lightening up. “That I do doll, that I do.” 

Satisfied, you turned your back on him once again and began washing the vegetables. 

“I had lunch with Yori,” He continued.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah...  I’ve also got a… got a date tomorrow” Your hands froze as you felt your heart break, your stomach twisting into knots. A second later you composed yourself and continued with the task at hand, rubbing your hands over the mushrooms repeatedly. 

“Oh.” You remarked, not trusting your voice to say anything further. 

“Yeah, Yori kind of set it up. I tried to explain there was a bit of a dance to this sort of thing but he went ahead with it anyway.” Bucky had missed your reaction when he’d told you about the date and proceeded to pick up one of your kitchen knives, twirling it between his fingers as a distraction. 

Those seconds were all you needed to compose yourself as you shut off the water and began chopping the veg up, mentally preparing your response in your head. “Well it’s good to get out there, when was the last time you had a date?” 

“1942 Stark Expo” He replied with no hesitation. You turned on your heel and gestured towards the cupboard above Bucky's head. With a smile, instead of moving aside, he spread his legs for you to step into. For a second, his smile made you forget what he’d just told you and you were back to it just being you and him, no mystery woman who you feared would take him from you. 

“Lazy shit.” You muttered as you stepped between his open legs swinging the cupboard door open and reaching up for a can. 

For Bucky, he was enjoying the view. Your top had risen and he had a perfect view of your stomach, begging to be kissed. 

As you placed the can on the counter beside him and searched for the opener something suddenly dawned on you. “Does that mean you’ve not gotten laid since 1942?” Your eyes met his and he chuckled in response. 

Picking up the can, he jabbed his knife into it and expertly cut into the lid, opening it with ease. Handing it back to you he shot you another smile. 

“Believe it or not, courting women in the 1940’s was a bit different. Girls didn’t fuck outside of marriage as they do now, and if they did it was a rarity. But, that didn’t mean both of you couldn’t get off if you put other things to use.” He smirked back at you as your jaw dropped, mouth hanging open at his honesty. Not quite knowing what to do with that information you turned back to the stove, your cheeks flushed from not just the heat. 

“Well… I’m sure your date tomorrow will be a welcome relief.” 

“Eh… She's a nice girl and all but I don’t see it going anywhere. Beer?” 

“Oh, um yes please.” A few moments later you heard your fridge open and close and the sound of bottle lids going into the trash. Leaving your beer to the side, he resumed his previous position and continued watching you cook. 

“When was the last time you saw any action?” Bucky wasn’t sure why he asked in all honesty, he’d rather not know as just picturing you with anyone else drove him mad. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You laughed. “No but seriously I think it’s been two years now?” Taking a swig of your beer you leant against the counter and faced him. “Oh god, it’s been seven. I forgot about the blip. Holy shit.” Grabbing your beer again, you took a few more gulps, enjoying the liquid running down your throat. 

Despite not really wanting to know the answer, Bucky found himself slightly pleased you’d not been with anyone in a while for purely selfish reasons. 

The rest of the evening was spent eating good food and watching TV, something which Bucky didn’t take for granted. He’d only told his therapist part of the truth. When he was alone with you, enjoying each other's company, talking about nothing and everything, he felt calm - content. 

The following day Bucky didn't hear from Y/N at all and his date went as he expected. The girl was nice, charming even but he didn’t feel a connection. He felt bad for lying about his gloves and even worse when she brushed off his comment around his age. Yori was the last straw and he had to get out of there. The guilt was overwhelming, suffocating and heavy. He’d rushed over to Yori’s place with the intention of confessing his sins but something held him back. It wasn’t the first time he’d hesitated, something about him just made him stop every time. Maybe it was the fact that Yori was a friend, someone who seemed to understand his odd quirks, put up with his grumpiness and still wanted to be around him. Then again, maybe he only did that as he got a free meal out of it.

He found himself back at his apartment building, banging on Y/N’s door, praying you were home. But he was met with silence.

He spent the rest of the night watching TV, drinking as many beers as he could before he eventually passed out, either out of boredom or tiredness, the mental battering he’d taken finally taking its toll. 

It wasn’t until the following evening he finally saw you. The sound of bags dropping to the floor as you muttered explicits under your breath whilst searching for your keys was undeniably you. 

Without a second thought, he opened his door, eager to see you. 

“Hey doll”

Turning your heel, you faced him. “Oh hey Buck”

“Lost your key again?” He remarked, smirking. 

“As usual” You muttered, finally finding them amongst the junk in your purse. 

“I was worried about you y’know.” Your head snapped up, eyes meeting his piercing blues as he stared back at you. “You didn’t come home last night, it’s not very…. You. Who is he?”

A laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it. “She is called Lauri and I just ended up staying over.” You tried to make yourself sound as convincing as possible, knowing deep down you hadn’t wanted to overhear any late night activities if his date had in fact gone well.

“Oh. Oh!” His eyes went wide when he thought he’d realised something but couldn’t have been further from the truth. “Well, I hope she’s treating you right.” 

And he truly meant it. Despite pining after you these past few months, your happiness was his priority, regardless of how desperately he wanted to be the one fulfilling that for you. 

You slowly opened your door with your back to him, trying to suppress a grin. “Way off the mark there Buck, although I’m pretty sure she would show me a great time, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.” 

The small sigh of relief that left his lips as he processed what you said, making you pause for a moment. Surely he wasn’t happy that you - ? No, impossible. 

“Fair enough.” He replied, coughing to hide a slight choke. 

“Do you want to come in?” You asked, opening your door wide for him to enter. With a gentle smile he nodded, closing his own door behind him he walked into your apartment. You tried your best to not notice the way his t-shirt hugged his body in all the best ways, tightening around his broad shoulders before delving down to his biceps, the metal of his arm reflecting the light from the hallway. You said a silent prayer before following him in, urging your eyes to stop flitting back to his body and the way his jeans fitted around his tight- no Y/N, no. 

You followed him further into your small apartment as he settled on the couch whilst you put your bag into your bedroom. Pulling the door, you gave yourself some privacy as you pulled some loungewear from your drawers before sliding your top off over your head. “How did your date go?” You asked. You’d prepared it over and over again in your head, testing your tone and delivery to avoid him picking up on the nervousness you felt asking the question. 

“Disaster, I let half way through.” 

Your eyes unintentionally lit up as you unfastened your bra, throwing it into the laundry basket in the corner of your room. “Jesus Buck, what did she do?”

You heard a shuffle coming from your living room, Bucky no doubt playing with the thread coming off your couch as he usually did when he was deep in thought. “It just didn’t feel natural y’know? I wasn’t comfortable with her, I couldn’t be myself, and then she brought up Yori and I-” He couldn’t quite finish his sentence and grunted as he struggled to find the words. Not needing to hear any more, you finished getting changed into your clothes and went back into the living room, plonking yourself down next to him. 

“Well first off, not cool leaving half way through. But… this is New York so I'm pretty sure she’ll have been on worse dates.” You joked, trying to lighten the mood. Bringing your sock clad feet up onto the couch, you stretched your leg out and prodded the man beside you, prompting him to turn and face you. “You’ll tell him whenever you’re ready. For now though, focus on the positive. You went on a date with a girl…. Regardless of how short said date was” You covered your mouth as you giggled, his eyes rollg only forcing more laughs from you. Taking enough of your teasing, Bucky took action and tossed one of your many cushions towards you, landing squarely in your face knocking you back.

“Dick!” you squealed.

“Brat”

[evans-heaven]

My review...ish (tbh it's just some notes I made lmao) on Defending Jacob

I'm strictly focusing on the Barbers here, and their relationships. I'm saving all the comments I might have about any other characters, and the performances of all the actors for a final review of the series-if I decide to do one lmao. Also, this isn't completely spoiler free, I couldn't resist y'all I'm sorry 😅

It's also straight from my notes, long asf and unedited asf and I won't take offence if you don't read. I did however enjoy writing it 😁

(This is all in good fun and yes and I'm biased and no you're not getting my time of day if you attack me)

Okay I'm done let's get into it lol

The Barbers are picture perfect. That house belongs on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens and that kitchen belongs on a Food Network show. They eat sleep and breathe privilege, but they probably won't admit it, or are even aware of it. To them, it might seem normal, maybe they believe every family is like that, or at least, should be. Their lives mirror that of basically any white family on TV these days. They're the cookie cutter American household, a damn poster family. Which makes their situation all the more interesting.

I adore Andy and Laurie's marriage. Lowkey they make me feel like I'm third wheeling, with the way they handle each other 🤣🥺 but eventually something began to hang over their heads, and the atmosphere surrounding them only, completely changed. The differences became more clear and God knows where thats gonna take them. Andy hid the truth about his Dad being in jail for 17 years really makes us wonder what else he could be hiding, and tbh she may be wondering the same. If theres anything else below the surface it could ruin them even more, and that's scary.

Andy's relationship with Jacob is the perfect representation of a healthy father-son dynamic. Andy's not rough around the edges and tough with him. It's an unashamedly loving relationship, and something we need to see more of. Let's put aside everything that happened after Jacob was accused. Closed off as he might seem, it's so clear he admires his dad. And Andy is a man who would risk it all for his kid. It's as simple as seeing the way he looks at him. He can't imagine anything ever changing the way he feels about him. And he probably thinks Jacob will never give him a reason for that to happen. He says "I love you" to him without sounding like there's a knife to his throat, jokes around with him, calls him 'buddy' more than he does his actual name, overall it would seem like we're watching best buds with a big ass age gap rather than a father and son 🤣

But back to reality, even after his son is being accused of murder, and him and his wife don't seem to agree on where they stand, Andy believes Jacob. He just sees a scared kid. On the surface, at least, that seems like what Andy thinks about the situation. However, given how good a certain someone portraying Andy (which is very easy to forget, as said certain someone fucking transforms and i see very little traces of him in this peformance) is at conveying emotion without saying a word, Andy won't have to open his mouth for his true feelings to come about. But let's not forget, he went off the handle in a very hot way upon finding a knife in his kid's room. His kid who is a very heavy sleeper might i add lmfao. He also, felt it appropriate to bring up his imprisoned father, which I honestly feel like had to be on account of some of his true feelings, whether he'd admit it or not.

The moment shit hit the fan for the Barbers is moment, I'm sure, we all felt a shift. I said last night that my anxiety was high even before Jacob's accusation, but after, I felt like I was experiencing the Barbers panic and helplessness with them, almost as though I was the accused.

Which brings me to my next point. We need to talk about that scene. You know the one. Where Lynn informed Andy for a situation I'm sure he never, in a million years anticipated. The level of talent radiating out of a certain someone is unmatched. Y'all (who have seen the show) saw the way the emotions raced across his eyes-his entire damn face? The disbelief in his voice, the tense, defensive stance he fell into? The heavy breathing, the anxiety that fell over him, the way he raced home desperately? If there's anything this show did for me and I'm sure so many others, is making us feel like we were experiencing the severity in person. And that's so special to me.

I won't get too much into this, but the way Jacob was handled by the police...well let's just say we know that wont be the behavior with everyone. And it has very little to do with his age, btw 😅

The way he pleaded for his dad almost had me tearing up. Being a lawyer, he feels as though his dad will protect him and make this situation go away. And if I was a 14 year old boy who was arrested for such a brutal murder, a lawyer who just so happens to be the man that raised me would be my first request.

Idk how I feel about the whole murder gene thing. I did however love the way the scenes kept switching, from Jacob finding out about Andy's dad to Laurie finding out. Their reactions were so similar and relatable. However, if that gets brought up in court as "evidence", that person is going to, and deserves to, get called tf out 🤣

Andy was entirely too polite to that waitress who was, very rudely, staring at Jacob. Maybe it's my inner drama lover, but if she stood there like an idiot looking at my kid, another thank you isn't all she was getting. Avert your eyes or lose them sis 🤬

Seeing everything progressively fall apart for the Barbers, while Jacob remains quietly oblivious broke my heart. Laurie being sent home (and highkey being fired lbr), losing her best friend, and seeing her son be treated like a criminal. Andy being increasingly protective of Jacob's every move, is understandable. I'm super excited to see the lengths he'll go to when it comes to protecting his kid, which, if the trailer is any indication, may not have boundaries.

A few more short notes:

Neal needa get hit by a bus and I volunteer

Leonard is a creepy mf which isn't really surprising but STILL

Pam shooting Andy down was lowkey harsh but she still pulled through so 🤷🏾‍♀️🤣

Andy not giving Neal the satisfaction of being closed off and succumbing to whatever drilling Neal thinks he doing is satisfying asf

Andy Barber is a dilf™️ in every scene

Am I the only one who heard Michelle's accent coming through in some things she says?

Laurie throwing the food Toby brought her in the trash without batting an eyelash, I got how she felt but that shit hurt to see 🤣

The actor playing Ben looks like the love child of Harry Styles and Grant Gustin

Wtf do Sarah and Derek know 😭 its killing me

Cherry Jones is killing it 🙌🏽

So is Jaeden, kid is blowing me away.

So is Michelle, her emotions are fucking mine up

The score is intense and adds to the anxiety we feel watching the show and I don't appreciate my emotions being played with in such a way

Chris Evans deserves an Emmy and if he doesn't get it we riot.

That's all for now, if I post anymore notes on the other episodes, obviously it won't be this long as from this point we're only getting one episode a week. Hope y'all enjoyed (if anyone bothers w this 🤣)💕

[zen3to5]

J/H 7-25: That ‘70s Finale

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   TITLE CARD   CARD 1: Eric Forman’s house   CARD 2: December 31, 1979   CARD 3: 8:45 p.m.   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   It’s New Year’s Eve - the end of the ‘70s. The Forman kitchen isn’t decorated, but it is filled with trays of crackers, cheese, carrots, celery sticks, peanut butter, raisins – any number of snacks and party foods. RED and KITTY, dressed in warm but semi-formal clothes, are in the kitchen. Kitty works on the icing of a chocolate cake at the stovetop, while Red stands next to her, eyeing one of the snack trays. He reaches for a miniature sausage, but Kitty, without looking up, smacks his hand away.   RED: Kitty, for God’s sake, this food’s been sitting here for almost an hour. Do you want me to just go hungry until 1980 gets here?   KITTY: No, just until our guests come.   She finishes icing the cake, sets down the knife, and clasps her hands together.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, I’m so excited! Everyone, together again! You know, we haven’t seen any of the kids since Eric went off to college. Donna’s with him, Steven and Jackie are so busy in Chicago, and Michael and Fez stopped coming by after you caught them trying Michael’s skeleton key on the basement door.   Red nods with pride.   KITTY (cont’d): And, with the snowstorm, the only one who made it home for Christmas was Laurie, who stuck around just long enough to get her cash present before running on back to -   RED: College.   KITTY: Red, that girl is living with a French-Canadian -   RED: College.   He refuses to meet Kitty’s frown; he has his story, and he’s sticking to it. Kitty shrugs it off, picks up a tray of snacks, and exits into...   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Kitty, with Red right behind her, sets the tray down on the coffee table.   KITTY: Admit, Red Forman. You’re excited to see the kids again too.   RED: I was excited when they left. Their visits, I tolerate.   Before Kitty can reply to that, the doorbell rings. She and Red both hurry to the door.   KITTY: Oh, that must be them.   She throws the door open and finds KELSO and FEZ, bundled up for the December chill. Kelso throws his arms wide while Fez readies a noisemaker.   KELSO: HAPPY NEW YEAR!   Fez gives the noisemaker a toot. He and Kelso grin broadly while Red rolls his eyes and Kitty manages a smile.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   The initial disappointment that they aren’t Eric having passed, Kitty warmly beckons Kelso and Fez into her home, giving each boy a hug in turn.   KITTY: Oh, boys! It is so nice to see you again!   KELSO: It’s great to see you, Mrs. Forman. We’ve missed you.   FEZ: Yes. I am around a lot of old ladies at the salon, but none with your kindness, your way with bridge, or your foxy good looks.   He gives Kitty a would-be seductive glance. She smiles uncomfortably; Red scowls.   RED: And I’ll be none of them have a foot ready to go up your ass.   KELSO: Ah, there’s our Red! C’mere, you!   He and Fez open their arms and advance, as if to hug Red.   RED: Don’t touch me.   The boys back off. Instead, they shed their coats and stroll into the living room and sit down on the couch, helping themselves to the snack tray.   KELSO: All right, New Year’s 1980! That’s, like, a new century! Are we the first ones here? I figured Donna at least would’ve shown up by now.   KITTY: You mean Eric and Donna.   FEZ: Oh, I’m not sure about that. The last time we called them, Donna answered, and when we asked to talk to Eric, she said that Eric was in his new apartment.   Red and Kitty’s jaws drop; they haven’t heard a thing about this.   KELSO: Then she said, “oops,” and we asked, “what’s up with you two,” and she said “nothing,” but it was the kind of “nothing” we always used to say when we broke something around here and you caught us but we tried to cover it up.   FEZ: Then we offered to drive to Madison to console her – sexually. That’s when she hung up.   They turn back to the snack tray as Red and Kitty share stunned looks.   KITTY: Eric’s in a new apartment?   RED: Don’t tell me that dumbass screwed things up with Donna again! He’s had half the damn decade to get it right!   KITTY: (to Kelso, Fez) Are they broken up? Are they moving?   FEZ: We don’t know. We haven’t talked to them in a while.   KELSO: We’ve been pretty busy.   KITTY: Oh – yes. I’m sorry, boys. Michael, is watching your daughter on weekends working out? And how are things with you boys, sharing an apartment?   KELSO/FEZ: Awesome./It’s magical.   They both look up with matching dopey grins. Track in on their faces, and we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “It’s a Sunshine Day” by the Brady Bunch.   A) Kelso and Fez, looking straight into the camera and walking in exaggerated jaunts in time to the music in front of an obvious green screen of a town street on a bright sunny day.   B) CONVIENIENCE STORE, run down and poorly stocked. A MASKED ROBBER is holding up the CLERK with a knife. Two cops burst through the door, one of them Kelso. The robber keeps his knife pointed at the clerk as he backs up. The cops draw their mace. Kelso is holding his backwards – something he only realizes when he shoots. He hurls back, his can of mace flying. Kelso crashes into the outside shelf and sets off the dominos, knocking every shelf in the building down even as he rolls over them, kicking in pain and grasping at his eyes.   C) SALON. On a busy day where every stylist is taken, a long line still forms for Fez. We track along the line until we reach Fez, hard at work on an ATTRACTIVE GINGER WOMAN. Fez is on the final stage – drying and styling. He sits the woman all the way up, revealing soft waves. The ginger pats her hair in stunned ecstasy. Fez holds up a mirror so she can have a better look. The ginger stands and offers him her hand. He goes in for a kiss instead. She slaps him, sending his face crashing into the still-full sink.   D) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. It is late at night, and the place appears empty. The door swings open and Kelso enters, wrapped around a BUXOM BLONDE. The two of them make out furiously all the way to the bedroom door, which Kelso manages to open without disentangling himself. They start to make their way into the room, but what’s inside causes the blonde to shriek. Kelso, when he gets a look, averts his eyes. The blonde flees from the apartment. Kelso tries to beckon her back, but fails. He turns the lights on and charges into the bedroom. Fez emerges, his fly and his belt open, and he runs around the apartment, chased by Kelso.   E) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. The boys on the couch, a trashed apartment all around them. They each have a keg of beer and a tap. They link arms and spray into their mouths.   F) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. MUSIC CHANGE: a music box rendition of “Hush, Little Baby.” The weekend is here, and the apartment is immaculately clean. BROOKE is in the doorway with BETSY. She hands Betsy off to Kelso, and her baby carrier to Fez, then exits. Kelso rocks Betsy gently in his arms as he and Fez both lean in to make goo-goo faces at her.   G) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Kelso, on the couch, feeds Betsy her bottle as Fez watches from behind.   H) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Kitchen area. Fez burps Betsy while Kelso plays with a teddy bear.   I) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. Bedroom. A baby crib is set up, with Betsy inside. Kelso and Fez look in on the crib. Kelso strums a guitar as he and Fez sing Betsy a lullaby.   J) KELSO AND FEZ’S APARTMENT. The weekend is over. Brooke is back in the doorway. She collects Betsy from Kelso’s arms. With a smile, she exits, and Kelso and Fez smile and wave her goodbye. Once she’s gone, and the door is shut, there is a MUSIC CHANGE back to “It’s a Sunshine Day,” and Kelso and Fez both pull out beer cans. They shake them up, crack them open, and spray the foam at each other.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present. Kelso and Fez both nod contentedly at the picture of their life. Red and Kitty seem much less pleased.   RED: You two aren’t getting back in here once we’re in the ‘80s.   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Last Dance” by Donna Summer.   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   A short time later. The music continues, as a song over the radio. The party is properly underway, and it’s a bigger crowd than just the kids. W.B. and ANGIE stand on the stairs, chatting with Brooke. LEO sifts through a bowl of mixed nuts on the bar with his fingers while Kitty stands behind the bar, making herself a drink. CASEY KELSO walks the floor while nursing a rum and coke, and MR. AND MRS. KELSO, along with several burly boys who can only be KELSO’S OTHER BROTHERS, mingle with FEZ’S OLD HOST PARENTS and PASTOR DAVE. Red and BOB stand off by the kitchen door, drinking beer.   Kelso and Fez, standing by couch, happily take in the scene.   KELSO: This is so great. It’s just like old times. We’ve got Leo, we’ve got Bob, we’ve got Mrs. Forman getting drunk and flirting with my brother.   Sure enough, Casey has made it to the bar, and is chatting up Kitty while she mixes her drink.   CASEY: So I says to the guy, “for that kind of money, what the hell?” And now I’m dancing at the club.   Kitty, breathless, leans on the bar and gazes up at Casey’s face.   KITTY: (swooning) Oh, yes.   Over by the kitchen door, Bob smiles as he looks over the party. Red scowls, but an unusually peaceful scowl.   RED: Look at all these freeloaders. Just when I was getting used to having my house back, too.   BOB: You seem pretty relaxed about it, Red. Usually by now, you’re threatening to call the cops on your own party and tell ‘em the guests are trespassing.   RED: (shrugs) Yeah, well... we’re closing out a decade, after all, and it makes Kitty happy, seeing everybody again.   He nods his wife’s way; Kitty and Leo are happily chatting.   RED (cont’d): And I’ll admit – it’s not so bad, having a little break from all the peace and quiet. But I tell ya, Bob – having the kids out of the house is everything I dreamed it would be.   He gives a small smile, sighs, and looks up. Slow zoom in on his face as we cut to:   MONTAGE. Set to an orchestral arrangement of “Anchors Aweigh.”   A) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. The middle of the day. A clearly unhappy Red is slumped in his chair, clicker in hand. He mindlessly clicks his way through the TV channels, while occasionally looking around the room with a deep frown.   B) FORMAN AND SON. A dead day for business. Red stands at the counter, leaning on the countertop with his head in his hands; he’s bored out of his skull. He looks around his empty shop before fiddling with a wrench on the countertop.   C) FORMAN BASEMENT. Some work has been done to redecorate the basement into a gentleman’s retreat, as Red once envisioned, but that work is limited and halfhearted; a few hunting trophies and Packers merchandise left scattered around the room. Red sits on the couch, punching one hand into a catcher’s mitt, as he looks around the basement.   D) FORMAN KITCHEN. Red, dressed for work, reads the newspaper at the kitchen table while Kitty cleans the stovetop. An empty water glass is by Red’s elbow. As he turns the page, he knocks the glass to the floor, where it shatters. Red immediately jumps to his feet and flies into an exaggerated fit of yelling, shaking his fists, and glaring up at the ceiling. Kitty nonchalantly collects the glass pieces as Red keeps going.   E) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. Red is in his chair again, this time with a bottle of beer. SCHATZI sleeps at his feet. Red takes a covert glance, makes sure Schatzi is sleeping. He tips his beer so that a small amount splashes onto the carpet by Schatzi’s rear. As soon as a spot is visible, Red jumps up, shakes his fist at a still-sleeping Schatzi, and scolds him as if he had an accident.   F) FORMAN MASTER BEDROOM. Red paces back and forth, ranting at raving and shaking his finger directly into the camera. A reverse shot reveals his real target - a PHOTO OF ERIC.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present, and back to the party. Red shakes off his mental recap of the last few months and turns back to Bob.   RED: You know, Bob, we haven’t seen you over here much lately. How about we keep it that way?   BOB: (chuckles) Hey, I’ve got no wife, no daughter – I’m free to do whatever I want. It’s a busy time for Bob.   CUT TO:   INT. PINCIOTTI LIVING ROOM – DAY   A day in the life of “busy time” Bob. He sits in front of the TV with a tray of lasagna. THE LOVE BOAT is on the tube. Bob shovels what’s left of the lasagna into his face with a fork and sets the tray down. He belches and opens his belt. Patting his stomach, he lets out a long sigh. A flicker of discomfort crosses his face; matters are afoot down below. Bob stands and crosses to the bathroom, disappearing inside.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present.   BOB: (to Red) So, when are the kids getting here?   RED: Ya got me. Say – you haven’t heard from Donna lately, have you? Because Kelso said something about Eric moving into a new apartment.   BOB: New apartment? What’s going on?   Kitty, walking the floor, overhears and rushes to join in on the conversation.   KITTY: (to Bob) You didn’t know either?   BOB: It’s the first I’m hearing about it. Did your bastard run off on my little girl again?   KITTY: Well, how do you know your harlot didn’t dump my baby boy again?   BOB: Don’t you call my Donna a harlot, Kitty!   KITTY: Don’t you call my Eric a bastard!   Bob looks ready to retort, but Red steps between them.   RED: All right, let’s not spoil the new year. Let’s just agree that they’re both morons and give ‘em hell when they show up.   The doorbell rings and the door opens, but it isn’t Eric or Donna. It’s JACKIE and HYDE, both snazzily dressed for the party and for the winter weather. Jackie has an enormous bag slung over her arm.     JACKIE: Happy New Year!   Kitty hurries over to them, Red right behind her. She immediately snatches Hyde up into a crushing hug. Jackie does the same with Red.   KITTY/JACKIE: Steven! My second son! Oh, I’ve missed you./Mr. Forman! Oh!   HYDE: (cringing in her hug) No, that’s all right, Mrs. Forman... no, you don’t have to... ugh, okay, I missed you too!   He gives her a light hug back, which is enough to get her to release him. Red, meanwhile, cringes in Jackie’s hug.   RED: (to Jackie) You couldn’t have outgrown this in Chicago?   She lets him go, just in time for Kelso and Fez to come running up. She meets them in a big group hug.   JACKIE: Michael! Fezzie!   KELSO/FEZ: Jackie!/We missed you!   JACKIE: Oh, I missed you too – (stern) Get your hands off of there.   They let go, but don’t get back in time to avoid Hyde slugging them both in the arm.   KELSO: (to Hyde) And we missed that too. C’mere, Hyde!   The boys have a quick group hug of their own. Kelso and Fez give Hyde a once-over, Kelso fiddling with Hyde’s jacket.   KELSO (cont’d): Man, look at you – new jacket, new shirt, new watch, new boots... the only thing old about you is your face.   HYDE: Well, man, somethin’ told me that ringing in a new decade was a time to break out the nice duds. And that something kept telling me, hour after hour after hour, ‘til I finally said, “would you shut up, Jackie? I’ll do it already.”   JACKIE: (teasing) Well, what’s the point of buying my man nice outfits if I don’t get to show ‘em off once in a while?   She plays with Hyde’s collar.   FEZ: Jackie, you paid for Hyde’s fancy threads?   JACKIE:  Fez, do you know how much money I make, working on TV? I pay for everything. I said a lot of things about those feminists growing up, and they’re still totally wrong about hair and lipstick and how men are supposed to carry you over puddles and everything – but making the most money kind of kicks ass.   HYDE:  Works out for me, too. She always leaves her purse lying around. I’ve never had an easier time picking someone’s pocket.   He and Jackie smile at each other, she “awws.” She leans against his chest as he puts his arm around her shoulders.   JACKIE: Oh! I almost forgot –   She stands up straight, reaches into her bag, and pulls out a brandy bottle.   JACKIE (cont’d): Mrs. Forman, we got you something for Christmas. My mom took off for Tijuana, and she left the cabinet where she keeps her good brandy unlocked.   She presents Kitty with the bottle.   KITTY: Ooh, honey, let’s you and me mosey on over to the bottle opener.   Laughing, she leads Jackie to the bar.   Hyde pulls a small envelope from his jacket, hands it to Red.   HYDE: Here you go, Red. A little late Christmas present.   Red takes the envelope, opens it up. He nearly drops the contents as his eyes bug out.   RED: (breathless) Season Packers tickets. (looks up at Hyde) You know I don’t usually do this.   He throws himself at Hyde in a tight hug. Hyde smirks, pats Red on the back, and gently eases him back.   HYDE: Yeah, they’re from me and Forman. He knew he was gonna be late, so he asked me to bring ‘em.   RED: (pockets tickets) Say, when was the last time you spoke to Eric? What’s going on with this new apartment he’s got?   Jackie looks over from the bar as Kitty pours two glasses of brandy.   JACKIE: You don’t know? We were gonna ask you.   KITTY: (to Jackie) No, we don’t know anything. Have you heard from Donna at all?   JACKIE: Well, we were over at their apartment for Thanksgiving, and everything seemed fine. Then, a few weeks ago, they said they were going to be gone for the weekend and asked us to housesit, and that’s when we noticed all of Eric’s stuff was gone. But when we asked them about it, all they said was, “we’re moving.”   Red, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez step down to the bar, and Bob crosses the room to join them.   BOB: “We?” As in both of ‘em?   KITTY: But only Eric’s things were gone?   JACKIE:  (nods) And then, when Eric and Steven went to get the Packers tickets, Donna asked me to help her with her hair. She was taking forever to dry it out, so I started going through her mail, and it turns out she has a passport.   BOB: A passport?   KITTY: Oh, my God.   RED: What the hell is going on with those two?   Everyone shifts on their feet as worry crosses their faces.   HYDE: This is an unsettling and awkward situation. It calls for beer.   He crosses the room and disappears into the kitchen.   The tension broken, Kelso, Fez, and Bob disperse into the party while Jackie goes behind the bar to sip her brandy. Kitty takes hers in hand, moves to Red’s side.   KITTY: (pained) Oh, Red.   RED: (embraces her) Look, Kitty, I know this all sounds bad. But Steven said Eric’s on his way, and I’m sure he’ll explain everything. And, if he doesn’t, I’ll make him. He knows I still can.   Kitty leans into his hug, wraps her arms around his waist. Her eyes flicker over to the coffee table, where the tray of snacks is now empty.   KITTY: (softly) Do you think you could get the other tray from the kitchen?   RED: Sure.   He kisses her forehead, lets her go. He crosses into...   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT   ... And is greeted by the sight of Hyde standing at the open fridge, SCHATZI in his arms. Hyde is feeding Schatzi an uncooked hot dog when he looks up, sees Red.   HYDE: (beat) Schatzi’s upset about Forman and Donna too.   Red frowns, crosses his arms.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” by The 5th Dimension.   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   The party goes on. Hyde, having shed his jacket, is now talking with W.B., Angie, and Leo on the stairs while petting Schatzi. Fez, his host parents, and Brooke chat by the organ. Red and Pastor Dave stand together near the kitchen door. Bob and most of the Kelso clan have the bar.   Kitty sits in Red’s chair, with Jackie (also sans jacket) and Kelso on the couch. They all have glasses of brandy, but Kitty is the farthest along on hers.   KITTY: Why? Why would my son do this? Why is he keeping so many secrets? Is he worried what we’ll think of him? Because mothers don’t judge – they love. And sometimes get very, very disappointed.   JACKIE: Okay, Mrs. Forman, I know all this stuff with Eric and Donna has upset you. But, on the bright side – Steven and I set a date for our wedding!   She produces invitations from her bag – large scrolls with sealed ribbons. She gives one each to Kitty and Kelso, who wastes no time opening his up.   KELSO: (reading) “Steven and Jaqueline Burkhart-Hyde cordially request the honor of your presence at the celebration of their union – March 21, 1980, St. James Cathedral, Chicago.” (to Jackie) Isn’t that, like, one of the biggest churches in the city?   JACKIE: Yep. That was the deal we made – a big, fancy wedding for me, a “special” honeymoon in Amsterdam for Steven.   KITTY: Well, honey, all honeymoons are special.   She doesn’t get it, and Jackie and Kelso don’t enlighten her.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, this does sound lovely, Jackie. And of course, we’ll be there. And maybe, while we’re in Chicago, we’ll even get a chance to see you on TV again. We don’t get your show here in Wisconsin.   KELSO: Yeah, how’s that going, being entertainment anchor?   JACKIE: Michael, it’s me. I’m fabulous.   She looks up, a proud glint in her eye. Slow zoom in as we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “Witchy Woman” by the Eagles.   A) ANCHOR DESK. The entertainment desk for Chicago’s WSNS station, with all the lights down except for a background light creating a silhouette of the anchor. As the lights rise and the camera tracks in, we see Jackie, with perfect hair and stylish suit. She is just a little too aware of the camera as she delivers her segment.   JACKIE: Good evening, Chicago. I’m Jackie Burkhart, and this is Jackie’s Corner.   B) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another outfit. We join Jackie in the middle of a film review.   JACKIE (cont’d): Okay, so – my fiancé loves Monty Python, and their first movie is funny and all, but I have a question: what was with the coconuts? Could they not afford a horse? Newsflash, England – ladies want to see men on horseback. Even if they’re doughy, bad-teeth Englishmen.   C) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie’s still playing to the camera. Michael Jackson’s album OFF THE WALL is in her hands.   JACKIE (cont’d): Off the Wall: it’s hip, it’s hot, it’s flying off the shelves – but who thought a bow tie this big was a good idea?   She points at the tie of Jackson’s tuxedo on the album and shakes her head.   D) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie’s hair is a preview of the coming decade: the Whale Spout hairstyle, with some crimps for good measure. Jackie’s eyes roll up, as if she could see her hair that way.   JACKIE (cont’d): (scoffs) Like this will ever catch on.   E) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit.   JACKIE (cont’d): So Star Trek gets a movie but Charlie’s Angels have to stay on the small screen?   She holds up two photos – an unflattering one of William Shatner, and a glam shot of Jaclyn Smith.   JACKIE (cont’d): Look at these pictures and tell me who’s going to move the most tickets.   F) ANCHOR DESK. Jackie is sitting on her desk this time, spread out across it. She is modelling the quintessential 1980s look – big hair, big shoulders, neon colors, and leg warmers. She looks down at those leg warmers, gives her right leg a shake, and looks into the camera.   JACKIE (cont’d): Call me crazy, but I think leg warmers might be here to stay.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Back to the present, as Jackie gives a contended sigh and leans back into the couch.   A clearly unhappy Brooke and an apologetic Fez march to the couch and stand over Kelso.   BROOKE: Michael, Fez just let it slip that you two have been having crazy beer parties when you aren’t watching Betsy.   KELSO: Uh? Oh, no. Fez is just confused, since he’s foreign. See, in his language, “beer” means...   No lie comes to mind. Instead, Kelso slaps Fez hard in the hand. Fez slaps his face back. Kelso stands, and the two of them get into a rapid-fire slap fight.   Over by the kitchen door, Bob joins Red and Pastor Dave as Red pulls out his gift from Hyde and Eric.   BOB: (whistles) Season tickets? That’s nice.   Pastor Dave, trembling, lets out a high, girlish squeal of delight, one that cuts off as soon as he sees the way Red and Bob are looking at him.   RED: You know I can’t take you to a game if you do that, Dave.   Dave, contrite, nods and looks down at his feet.   On the stairs, Hyde shifts Schatzi under one arm so he can put the other around Leo.   HYDE: Leo, man, how’s Grooves?   LEO: Great, man. The Wall? Pink Floyd? It sounded awesome, man.   HYDE: No, Leo, I meant Grooves, the record store. (beat) That we hired you to run when I moved to Chicago.   LEO: I run a record store? Wow, I’m really moving up in the world.   ANGIE: (laughing) He’s actually been doing an okay job. We’ve only had one complaint about a hippy orgy.   HYDE: (nods) W.B., how’re things in Milwaukee, man?   W.B.: Are you kidding? It’s great! Having Angie there in the corporate office is the best decision I ever made. (Angie beams) See, right before I gave her that promotion, I got into this snooty country club. They didn’t think I’d be there much. But now that I’ve got Angie running things, I’m there all day, every day – with friends. And there’s nothing those brothers love more than making white people uncomfortable.   HYDE: Nice.   W.B.: And what about you, Steven? How’s business in Chicago?   HYDE: Flying.   He flashes a cheeky grin. Slow zoom in as we cut to:   MONTAGE. Set to the instrumental track of “Nobody’s Fault But Mine” covered by Led Zeppelin.   A) GROOVES, CHICAGO. THE CIRCLE. Hyde sits behind the counter, a diffuse cloud of smoke all around him. He coughs, waves some of the smoke away, and flashes a grin at the camera.   HYDE: Welcome to Grooves.   B) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – SPIRITS HAVING FLOWN by the Bee Gees. Hyde looks up with utter contempt.   HYDE (cont’d): The Bee Gees? You know there’s a 20% tax on crap in this store, right?   C) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – BACKLESS by Eric Clapton. Hye looks up and nods approvingly.   HYDE (cont’d): Nice. And you know there’s a 20% discount on rock n’ roll in this store, right?   D) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. This time, Hyde is busy with a lighter: he very casually sets a sleeve for ABBA’s VOULEZ-VOUS on fire.   E) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde leans back and tips a bag of potato chips. The entire bag showers down over his face, and some of them even make into his mouth. He happily munches down.   F) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another – particularly intense – Circle. Hyde leans in to speak to an unseen customer off-camera.   HYDE (cont’d): Hey, did you hear about that car that runs on water? It’s got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine, and it runs on water, man!   G) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde performs air guitar to the montage music.   H) JACKIE AND HYDE’S APARTMENT, clearly decorated by Jackie but currently filled with dim lighting and a smoky haze. (MUSIC NOTE: song cuts out.) Jackie and Hyde sit together, their heads leaned against each other and matching spaced-out smiles on their faces.   JACKIE: Baby, I think you’re late for work.   HYDE: I thought you were late for work.   They both sit up slightly, puzzling the answer.   JACKIE: Huh.   HYDE: Maybe we’re both late for work.   JACKIE: Or – is work late for us?   She wiggles her eyebrows, “think about it.” Hyde gives her a short stare, then leans down for a kiss. They fall out of frame as they make out as the montage music resumes for a final sting.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   Back to the present. Jackie has joined Hyde, who has his arm around her shoulders. Leo, W.B., and Angie disperse into the party.   Red and Kitty cross to Jackie and Hyde.   KITTY: Steven, do you have any idea when Eric is coming? It’s almost midnight.   Bob, Kelso, and Fez join them.   BOB: And what about Donna? No one knows if she’s coming to this party?   A lot of shaking heads answer.   BOB (cont’d): Come on, I’m her dad. I deserve some answers. What’s going on with that passport? What’s going on with her and Eric?   KITTY: Red, I’m getting worried. There’s no reason they shouldn’t be here by now.   HYDE: You want us to go look for ‘em, Mrs. Forman?   KITTY: Oh, honey, would you?   KELSO: Yeah, that’s a good idea. (pulls out cop badge) Okay, everybody, line up! We’re turning this New Year’s party into a search party!   He draws focus from everyone in the party, but only for a second; most of the guests turn back to their conversations. Hyde, Jackie, and Fez disperse, searching for their coats, ignoring Kelso’s hand signals to form a line.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   A thick layer of snow covers the hedges and the yard, but the driveway is clear. The VISTA CRUISER, with suitcases packed and tied on top, slowly backs up into the driveway and parks. ERIC, bundled up for the cold, steps out. He gives a long look around his old home before climbing up on the hood of his car to sit back and look at the stars.   DONNA, also bundled up, and with red hair and a short haircut, comes up the driveway. A knapsack is slung over her shoulder. She taps Eric on the foot to get his attention.   DONNA: Hey.   ERIC: (sits up) Hey. You made it.   DONNA: (nods) Snuck the last of my stuff out of my dad’s house. I’m just here to say goodbye to everybody, then it’s off to the airport.   ERIC: Good. (sits back) You know, I still remember the night you first kissed me on the Vista Cruiser. It was warmer then.   DONNA: Yeah, well... a lot of things are different now.   ERIC: (softly) Yeah.   Donna climbs up next to Eric and sits back too. Overhead shot on the two of them slowly pulls out as we begin:   MONTAGE. Set to “Thirteen” by Big Star. A collection of moments Eric and Donna have shared over seven seasons. Included in the montage are:   A) The aforementioned first kiss.   B) Eric and Donna moving to hold hands over the scented candle of Eric’s 17th birthday.   C) Their dance at junior prom.   D) Cuddling in the back of Kelso’s van.   E) The “Fernando” dance.   F) Their wrestling greatest hits.   G) Shoving each other’s heads.   H) Eric’s proposal, and his slipping the engagement ring on Donna’s finger.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   Back to the present, and an extreme close-up on Eric and Donna’s intertwined hands. We see for the first time that Donna has a wedding band on her left ring finger. Slow zoom out as Eric and Donna turn in to face each other.   ERIC: So – how pissed do you think everyone’ll be when we tell them that you’re leaving tonight to study abroad in London, I’m working on moving my pilot program there so I can follow you next semester, and – just to put a cherry on this stupid sundae – we went and eloped right before Christmas?   DONNA: (laughs) Pretty pissed. I think Red might finally put his foot up your ass.   ERIC: You know, he actually did that once.   DONNA: Really?   ERIC: (nods) Iwo Jima. He doesn’t like to talk about it.   They laugh again, then scoot together and kiss. And kiss again. And keep kissing, so passionately that they fail to notice Hyde, Jackie, Kelso, and Fez standing by the patio door.   Donna finally opens her eyes, sees them. She sits up, alerting Eric, who flips around and sees all his scowling friends.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh – hey, guys!   They keep scowling.   ERIC (cont’d): So, um – how – how much of that did you hear?   They keep scowling.   ERIC (cont’d): Well, this is awkward. (beat) Boy, I wish there was some way to take the edge off all this.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   THE CIRCLE. Eric and Donna sit together. Eric takes a deep breath.   ERIC: Edge, you are officially off.   DONNA: (to the gang) I’m really glad I got to see you all before I left for London. And I’m even happier that we didn’t trust any of you bozos with the fact we’re married.   Pan to Hyde, with Jackie in his lap.   JACKIE: Donna, I think it’s so romantic that you and Eric eloped. Plus, this way, there’s no chance your wedding can upstage mine. And you’re my maid of honor, so you’d better be back here for it!   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: (to Eric, Donna) London, huh? Hey, Eric, you know what you should do when you get over there? You should find one of those guards with the big hats, and you should see if you can make him laugh. And Donna, you should have a camera, so you can take pictures when the guard starts beating Eric up. That way, I’ll laugh.   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: (to Eric, Donna) And while you’re there, you can spit on the palace from me. The British hate my country. That is why the Beatles can kiss my ass!   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: You know, Fez, you’ve never told us what country you’re from. How about letting us know before the year’s over?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Isn’t it obvious? (scoffs) Fine. It’s –   Pan to Eric and Donna.   ERIC: Hold that thought, Fez. You know, guys – this might be the last Circle we ever have together.   Pan to Hyde and Jackie.   JACKIE: Aww... that’s kind of sad.   HYDE: It’s a time for reflection. Like on how many of our brain cells survived the ‘70s. Despite our best efforts, some of those bastards pulled through. But tonight – they’re going down.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: Way ahead of you, Hyde.   He pops open a can of beer and takes a chug.   Pan to Fez, who also has a beer.   FEZ:  Die, brain cells, die! And you’re next, liver.   He takes a sip.   Pan to Eric and Donna.   ERIC: It’s like – we always have to remember this moment.   Unnoticed by Eric or Donna, Red appears behind them.   Pan to Jackie and Hyde, in stunned shock.   Pan to Kelso, giggling silently.   Pan to Fez, in fear for his life.   Pan to Eric and Donna, confused.   DONNA: What?   Red bends down so that his head is over Eric’s shoulder, giving Eric and Donna a jump.   RED: (to Eric) UPSTAIRS! Your mother’s pouring the champagne for the countdown, and then you’re all gonna get it!   He storms off. Eric and Donna, stunned, share a look.   ERIC: We’re dead.   He and Donna break up laughing.   The Circle is broken. Everyone is laughing now. They all stand and make for the stairs.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hey, guys – last one upstairs has to call Red a dumbass!   The dare set, everyone breaks for the stairs. The girls, Fez, and Eric make it up safely, leaving Hyde and Kelso to wrestle it out. Hyde gets a good hold on Kelso and tosses him back before racing upstairs. Kelso recovers, looks around, realizes he’s lost.   KELSO: Aww, man!   He grabs the stupid helmet and starts a slow, reluctant, petulant march up the stairs as everyone in the party begins the countdown.   COUNTDOWN (v.o.): TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!   TITLE CARD   The THAT ‘70S SHOW license plate, now marked with a 1980 sticker.   FADE TO BLACK   END CREDTIS   INT. VISTA CRUISER – NIGHT   The gang, driving to the airport together in the Vista Cruiser. Eric drives, with Donna next to him and Hyde in the passenger’s seat with Jackie in his lap. Behind them is Donna’s knapsack, then Kelso, then Fez. They all sing along to the radio – “In the Street” by Big Star.   GANG: Past the street light Out past midnight...   JACKIE: Boy, we’re good!   FEZ: We’re really good!   Hyde seems skeptical of that claim, but he, and the rest of the gang, continue to jam to the music.   END.

***

Thank you everyone for reading! If you like what you've seen, leave a review!

[horrordirtbag]

Screenrant Coming in Hot With More Bad Takes (a rant abt this shitty website and also why not to retcon ANOES back to the first)

Fair warning, spoilers for Dream Warriors ahead. TLDR at the bottom. Let me start this off by expressing how sick I am of seeing this fucking website lmao, google please stop showing me this clickbait. Just FYI, these are the people who said that xenomorphs could beat Godzilla and that F13 should bring back Uber Jason.

Ok but on to the actual topic.We’re going to mostly ignore the fact that it is regarded by a huge portion of the fanbase as being superior to the original and that retconning it would upset many dedicated fans, because they also ignore it in their article. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this sentiment that ANOES should retcon back to the original, like Halloween 2018 did. Usually it’s so that Heather Langenkamp can come back as Nancy, since they killed her off in the third movie. But that seems like a really weak reason to completely remove a movie loved by fans. Look, I love Nancy, she’s my favorite final girl, but I think the original movie and Dream Warriors gave us a great look into her character as it is. To bring her back seems like a crux to say “Hey look! It’s the person you know!” rather than actually explore her character in new ways like Laurie Strode in H18 (who really, wasn’t explored much at all in the first Halloween). We’ve explored Nancy already, we don’t need to get rid of one of the best movies to do it again. And she also had her comeback, it was New Nightmare. But while I can understand the love for Nancy, Screenrant’s reasoning make absolutely no sense.  Throughout the whole article they compare Halloween to ANOES and say that since Halloween got more fantastical, and that was bad, therefore it was bad for ANOES as well, completely ignoring the fact that ANOES is an entirely different franchise than Halloween. Yes, they’re both slashers, but they’re very, very different in function. They say that, similarly to Halloween, Dream Warriors and all the other Nightmare sequels introduced increasingly “fantastical” ideas that muddled the mystery and horror of the first. The problem with this is that A Nightmare on Elm Street fundamentally is more fantastical. While Michael Myers is a supernatural killer to an extent, his almost-immortality is about as far as it goes. Everything else is grounded in reality. But NOES is about a person who kills you in your dreams. He’s not just a guy with a knife, he’s a ghost/demon with a knife (finger-knives). So when tasked with making a sequel to this movie, what do you do?

Well, Dream Warriors does what any good sequel does: it takes the original concept, expands upon it and ups the ante. For example: Hellraiser, we’re introduced to the cenobites, what they do, and the rules of the box. Hellraiser 2, we go INTO hell, seeing where they’re from, meeting their god and learning more of their rules and backstory (and even the score is a more grand version of the first). For an even simpler example: Alien (1979), one alien. Aliens (1986), many aliens.

Dream Warriors does exactly this. It plays with the dream concept to a degree that not only wasn’t achieved but wasn’t possible in the making of the first movie, explores Freddy’s origin and lore more, and introduces the concept of lucid dreaming. For a series about a killer in your dreams, it makes too much damn sense. It’s what you’d hope for in a sequel. The first movie was about bringing Freddy out to fight him; Dream Warriors is about going in to fight him. 

It did what most sequels are supposed to do: taking the original, and expanding upon it, without tarnishing it. Complaining about introducing lucid dreaming in a movie about someone killing you in your dreams makes no sense to me. While the sequels definitely got over-the-top and goofy, this wasn’t the fault of the fantastical elements. The series already was fantastical. They only took them in the wrong direction. For example: Freddy’s lines were great in Nightmare 3 (you know which one I’m thinking of), but taking that and having him perform Looney Tunes skits in Freddy’s Dead (even though, I’ll admit, I think it’s funny), wasn’t great. So my point is, the problem isn’t the fantastical concepts themselves, the problem is executing them well (which I, and many other fans, think DW does well). And as for the mystery aspect? Well, Freddy Krueger was no longer a mystery by the end of his first movie. We learned who he was and why he did what he did by the end credits. Just more proof Screenrant doesn’t think before they write. Really what Screenrant is asking for is a movie that does the same shit over again. The first movie, just, again. Not do anything new like Dream Warriors did. Freddy’s back, Nancy’s back, and they fight for the 3rd time, but don’t do anything different like the last 2 times. Okay, christ, I’m almost done, but there really are so many things wrong with this article, and this is the last one I have to say.

Forget everything I just said. Maybe you think Dream Warriors is poopoo. I mean, that’s your opinion, that’s fair. Even still, there is no reason to retcon it, and dare I say, any of the other sequels, because none of them introduce any lasting baggage that could potentially harm a new movie. Halloween 2018 retconned back to the original because Halloween 2 introduced the concept that Laurie Strode was Michael Myer’s sister, which in turn impacted every single sequel made after that and detracted from the original vision of the character: a force of nature that kills with no rhyme or reason (and this gave him some rhyme and reason). So, in order to return to that original view of the character, H18 had to go back to the very first movie.

But A Nightmare on Elm Street doesn’t have any equivalent to that. There is no real baggage from the previous sequels that could drastically hurt a new movie, especially DW. Freddy vs Jason left off on a clean slate, Springwood repopulated and Freddy with his powers back. There’s nothing in the sequels that say a new movie has to play off the dream powers aspect. Freddy vs Jason didn’t. There’s nothing saying you have to reference the events of all the previous movies. So, my solution, just don’t. Let the fans decide what their own continuity is. And especially don’t throw a movie the fans love into the trash for no reason.

TL;DR, 1. Retconning Dream Warriors for the sake of Nancy is removing a beloved entry just to retread the same ground. 2. ANOES is inherently fantastical and Dream Warriors exploring it does not detract from the original or leave additional baggage, unlike the H2 sister-twister. 3. Since none of the sequels leave any real baggage, there’s no real reason to retcon any of them (but mostly Dream Warriors lol). Just don’t reference them and leave it up to the fans to make their own continuity. 

[gwilyoubemine]

i was tagged by the lovely and iconic @fancytelephonepatter

rules:

pick 5 tv shows, don't cheat and answer the questions,, and tag people

so i picked:

1. that 70's show

2. nathan for you

3. rupaul's drag race

4. brooklyn nine nine

5. stranger things

who is your favourite character in 2?

lmaooo...nathan for you is a dumbass show about a guy who graduated from business school with decent grades and develops shitty, but hilarious, business plans. it's not really a show with characters since he goes to real businesses but nathan is the only main character i suppose so yes, him. but there's this reoccurring dude who works as this private investigator (who thinks he is the shit) and watching him interact with nathan is so damn funny so there's that.

who is your least favourite character in 1?

it used to be jackie...even though mila kunis is great...jackie was just so annoying, man. but it could very well have been hyde. he was so irrelevant at the beginning and i was kind of like who is this guy?? but then he grew on me and now i think he is one of the best. as of right now..maybe laurie is the worst one for me.

what is your favourite episode of 4?

man, that's too hard to answer. i love so many. i don't want to start talking about other eps i like because there are so many iconic moments in that show and i would really just go on for too long. i would have to say 'beach house' because it was honestly just hilarious...all of them trying to be on their best behaviour for captain holt..the hot tub scene...how they had to make sure some of them were upstairs with holt while they partied downstairs sksksk. those cuts of the conversation with him kill me. a personal fave quote is: 'now, the recorder is generally thought of as a training instrument for children but listen to it...in the hands of an expert like joram leifgrum..the passion is...breathtaking'

favourite season of 5?

confession time,, i haven't watched one or two. well, a few eps. my siblings were really obsessed so they basically told me everything that happened anyway. i just watched season 3 with them and i really enjoyed myself, even with how intense it all got. all i can say is...alexei is a precious god given gift. and man, i love the whole scoops lads plus two epic kiddos gang. and billy looked real good. real good.

favorite couple in 2?

man whY is nathan for you such a bad tv show for these questions pmsl. it's a meme. nathan and the asshole private inspector dude for sure. my otp.

what is your favourite episode of 1?

i have only just got onto season 3 so i have a long way to go and many potential fave eps to come but...i would have to say 'the best christmas ever' or 'halloween'...honestly fez and hyde make me laugh all the time. and kelso, that dumbass.

what is your favourite episode of 5?

that one with alexei and the cherry slush. is that also the one where he is at the funfair place? because that was cute as heck too.

what is your favourite season of 2?

probably the first one, that was especially funny. go and watch nathan for you. it's a bit awkward but with shows like the office and...the inbetweeners...that awkwardness is a key part of the comedy.

how long have you been watching 1?

i started it...not long ago. at the start of this month i think. it feels like i have been watching it for longer though since i have been binge watching it.

how did you become interested in 3?

honestly, i didn't think i would like it?? i saw memes every now and then but i didn't really care for it. one day last year my younger sister put on an ep of season four and we just started watching it. and now we have watched every season up to 11 and most of the all stars. best decision of our lives. rupaul's drag race is iconic..all stars is iconic...it's just great tv.

who is your favourite actor in 4?

andre braughner even though i haven't watched him in anything else. captain holt is just gold. but all those actors are seriously amazing at what they do. amazing cast.

do you prefer 1, 2 or 5?

atm i love that 70's sjow but nathan for you is just so dumb and hilarious. it's really hard picking :( can i say both? maybe if i watched seasons 1 and 2 of stranger things i would be able to say that...i don't know

which show have you seen more eps of, 1 or 3?

rupaul's drag race of course. i have watched like..10 whole seasons or something. that's alotta drag. i loved every moment tbh.

if you could be anyone from 4, who would it be?

probably holt...i just love him so much. or jake? because he has a lot of dumb fun, has a cute gf (wife now ah) and is a kick ass detective. and he gets a cool boss like that.

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

i doubt it lmaoo... i can see boyle and terry really getting into it, getting dragged up. and jake pmsl. i think rosa and michelle would defo have a stare off or something. wow i just envisioned scully and hitchcock in drag and it's horrifying.

pick two characters from 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple.

i don't even know the endgame couples..or couples along the way...but i would have to say that gay guy buddy and eric :-)))))

overall, which show has a better story-line, 3 or 5?

stranger things just because drag race has no real story line.... but the story line in stranger things is really unique and gripping. very nice stuff.

which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

both are good...but yep..the b99 theme music does indeed slap

i tag @xiaoqueencava @killergwil @denimmay @rogerina-is-hotter-than-me @deaky-trash @bensroger @queenbbarnes @cyndagoaway @supersonicfreddie

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

________________________________________

And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10

[avalindin]

California King Bed

Tom Hiddleston fic

Part 1: Issues

 *A/N: This is a mini sequel to Friend request pending...

________

Wednesday

She smiled from ear to ear. She hadn’t been truly happy in so long or as long as she could go back to remember. Her hands wrapped around one another. Her eyes closed, feeling the plane descend and touch down on the sunny lit evening of San Diego.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have successfully landed in San Diego, California. You are now free to use your electronic devices. Please stay remained in your seats until the plane has come to a complete stop. Check around your seat for any trash and personal items. From everyone at American Airlines, we thank you for flying with us.”

Aubery rubbed the raised button sized bit of flesh through her freshly dyed tangerine hair. It was a party favor from a car accident nearly a year passed that took a great amount of memories instead of her life but this, San Diego was always a dream she remembered. She was up and out of her seat with her hand clutching her shoulder strap on her bag. Her boots took her forward one step at a time until she ended at the carousel for her luggage.

The anticipation of waiting made her ignore the many chirps of her phone. Some were from a friend she knew was living in the area. They had plans for dinner and drinks with some memories that maybe she could grasp again. A full minute of non-stop chirps and looks from other passengers made her cave in as she reached for her phone.

I’m sorry.

Please talk to me.

I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry if it was something I said.

“If? That’s a big ass if…”

She rubbed the bump again out of instinct, trying to force herself to forget instead of having her mother’s words burned into her head.

“Aubery, you are not getting any younger.”

She pushed her food across the plate, wishing her mother would finish their little get together. For the many years she tolerated her words, her semi near-death experience was able to give her some clarity. Aubery was hoping it would be given to her own mother in the parking lot but in public would do just fine.

“Is this one of the things I’m supposed to remember? Hang on. I think I need to write this down for later.”

“How about you not be such a smartass? You’ve always been this way since you went off and did that movie, calling yourself Arbidy.”

There were flashes. Dena, she remembered, the smell of leather fabric and a bar bathroom stall.

“I do have offers from people I don’t know. Dena still helps.”

“She won’t be around forever.”

“Thank you, I know that.”

“I thought you were going into nursing like we talked about.”

“Like you talked about. I’m not.”

“I’m not bailing you out like last time.”

“Last time? You fucking kidding me?”

“Can I get you ladies anything else?”

Aubery sighed, knowing by now she would have teared up. Instead, she only smiled.

“We’re done. She’s paying.”

“Aubery Danielle!”

“No, really. We’re done, Maggie. I can’t remember dick and you are having a gay old time, giving me nothing but shitty memories and always putting me down. Lee is gone. He left you, he left me and that’s it. Try and have some dignity to move on instead of blaming everything on everyone else like the bitter old hermit you are.”

“You’re acting this way because of Lucius.”

“Lucius was just like you, caring, manipulative and a total asshole. He put my personal business out in the open just like you did when I was younger. Now, I’m taking a page out of Lee’s book and leaving you behind.”

She got up from her seat and yanked the large packaged envelope from her mother’s purse.

“It’s not that I don’t love our little talks. It’s just that… I don’t.”

She had no idea where the words came from but they felt so right. She turned on her heel and made her way home. In the small space she called her own, she opened the envelope and grinned as an average sized blue box with the Comic Con logo fell heavy into her hand.

Another chirp from her phone got her attention as she looked down to a random number. For the life of her, she couldn’t remember who it belonged to. Every once in a while, she’d get a text, choosing only to ignore it but this time she figured what the hell.

Did you land safely?

“Now that’s just creepy.”

Her thumb pressed the call button just so she could know. The line automatically picked up as she heard laughing background noises on the other end.

“Hello?”

Nothing.

“Hello? Nicholas’ phone.”

There was a gasp instantly drowned out by the intercom above her. Aubery plugged her ear to listen for her mouth breather.

“Look, man. If you don’t say anything, I’ll never know how perverted you really are. I don’t have this contact saved and not only do you keep sending; I don’t answer.”

There was something that could have been a sigh.

“Okay, whatever. Greetings from the West Coast, bitch.”

She ended the call as the conveyer belt shifted to life. She wasn’t bothered by the phone call. Her eyes zeroed in on the green grandma’s sofa fabric of her suitcase rolling back towards her. Her hand wrapped the handle, making her press forward to the sliding doors, planting her feet for a moment in the shining setting sun of California.

“Tom! You alright?”

Tom inhaled as quickly and calmly as he could with a forced smile to his face. Mark’s hand at his shoulder had pulled him back from his daze.

“Yes, all good.”

“Cool. When does your flight leave?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

“Mine’s in the morning. We’ll see you there.”

Tom nodded his head, making his way to his room alone. His door slammed behind him, leaving him to open his hand to the still lit screen. A while thirty seconds of hearing her voice after two years the last time he saw her. His heart thundered remembering the purple tie dye dress that slid down her shoulders, the neon pink heels that echoed his head after all that time.

He pushed back the lump in his throat and tried to focus on packing the last of his things. She was in San Diego and the next day he would be too. He shut off his lights and sank to his bed.

Such a big bed and she would have fit perfectly. He closed his eyes praying to find her, to hold her, something he never got to do.

“Okay. I got to do this right.”

Aubery kicked off her flats and turned herself, adjusting for maximum landing. She launched herself back as her whole body hit the king size bed. Her laughter failed to quiet as she peeled off her tights and what was left of her traveling clothes, giving in to her exhaustion thanks to the soft mattress.

“Worth the money,” she sighed.

-

Friday

Her hand wrapped around her long island iced tea and she knew soon it would kick in and reflect her life choices. If anything, it would help her remember. The hidden booth in the corner was perfect for dinner and the drinks that led into the evening. Her friend did what she could but nothing new came to her and she was grateful for the memories she did retain. Long after the check was paid, she was left alone with the drink she was nursing. The waitresses let her be. Aubery knew she couldn’t stay in the booth forever.

There was still so much that she had to do. First, was sleep off her emotions. Her lucky wouldn’t allow her to attend the Con for the full time but there was California waiting for her. There was always the beach. She edged her way out of the booth as it gave her goosebumps, swearing she could feel someone there with their hand on her leg.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry. I was wondering if I could move this to the bar. I know it’s late but I don’t want to hog the booth.”

“Sure thing.”

The waitress grabbed her drink and led her to the bar to the only empty seat. She cleared the high stool, knocking her bag into the leg of the gentleman next to her. Her inebriated stat made her clear her throat, quick fast and in a hurry.

“Shit, sorry!”

Smooth.

“It’s okay.”

He turned with a flashing grin to her as she returned it.

“Good.”

“Here’s your drink, ma’am. Anything I can get for you, sir?”

He pointed to Aubery’s drink.

“That actually looks good. What’re you having?”

“Long Island Iced Tea, I presume or what’s left of it. I may get another.”

“Then I will take one and one for her too.”

“Coming up, Mr. Ruffalo.”

“Wait, what?”

Aubery’s face reddened more as Mark chuckled.

“That must be strong because I thought you would have said something by now,” he waved off.

“How the hell did I not put that together?”

“Half of your drink.”

“Smart man. It is definitely strong. The east coast could take some notes.”

“Are they really weak over there?”

“Yeah, that’s why our states are red.”

“Ugh, damn American politics.”

“I second that.”

Aubery turned to the new voice behind her. She only had a moment to look at his face before it filled with happiness.

“Arbidy!”

Aubery felt his arms nearly crush her, making Mark laugh. She wiggled away, chuckling nervously.

“I really don’t mean to sound like a bitch but how do you know that name?”

“Au- It’s me, Luke! We worked The Night Manager together. We’re both friends with Dena.”

“Oh, um,” she never enjoyed explaining but it had to be done, “I was in an accident last year. I cracked my head open and don’t really remember much.”

“Shit, I am so sorry!”

“No, it fine. I got this cool bump as a keepsake. Wanna touch it?”

“I’m fine.”

“I do,” said Mark as he reached for her dyed hair.

She faked a sharp wince, making Mark and Luke jump.

“I’m sorry,” she chortled, “but I never got to do that!”

Luke sat in the next available seat and raced through his phone.

“Okay, do you remember this?”

He’d brought up a folder of pictures with Aubery smiling as her neck was wrapped in a pink feather boa.

“Oh, God.”

Tears filled her eyes as she remembered Dena dragging her to a rave scared but leaving with a smile and a sweet-smelling boa she was gifted from the locals.

“That explains why I keep finding pink feathers in my things.”

“Hugh still asks about you.”

“Hugh. Jackman?”

“Laurie.”

“I know House?! Wow…”

Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulder, easing her a little as a few memories began to come back with a vengeance.

Saturday

Tom stepped out of his elevator, wonder if a drink at 2am was the best. He wandered the lobby, looking to the desk, thinking back to the training he did for The Night Manager. Something told him to stop and he did as he looked up to the emptying bar.

“Tom!”

Luke wrapped his hand around Tom’s wrist and led him in the direction of the bar. It would explain why Luke wasn’t in his room. His eyes found Mark and the many empty glassed in front of him and the woman in a light sundress. She pulled the edge of her dress down to cover her shorts. She turned her tangerine hair, knocking the wind from his chest.

“Arbidy.”

It was a single breath that he needed from her again. She was so different. He’d missed her so much. Aubery checked her phone.

2:43am

Nothing good ever happened but she’d make an exception as she sipped more of her brought drink.

“Aubery,” shouted Luke, “You can’t tell me you don’t remember this one!”

Tom lunged forward wrapping his arms around her waist, nearly to his level. He pressed his lips to hers, filling his veins with two years of emotion. Aubery wasn’t sure what was happening. She held onto the bar behind her with her head spinning on a full axis. She shoved Tom away and took a moment to look up. When she did, her blood ran cold.

“Aubery?”

She’d seen his face but it didn’t click until then. It was his hand at the booth that was on her leg. Her heels that clicked toward him. The eyes that burned into her were ones that had taken forever to notice her. A memory filled her head as Tom also remembered. It was too late.

“Asshole.”

“Wait…”

“I waited for 12 hours, you dick.”

“Aubery. You okay?”

“No but it was nice drinking with you guys.”

“Plea…”

Aubery grabbed what was left of her drink and tossed it into Tom’s face. She pushed her way out of her seat and stumbled to the door with Mark following a few seconds behind her. She left them and her phone behind with Luke to break the silence.

“What was that?”

“What part? The drink of the way she looked at me like she didn’t know who I was?”

“Tom. There’s something you need to know.”

Aubery tried to steady her breath as she looked in her bag for her phone.

“Arbidy, wait!”

Tom rushed outside with the phone she’d left behind. Mark was already with her to make sure she was safe.

“Let’s everyone try to calm down.”

Aubery was busy mouthing drink curses to Tom over Mark’s shoulder and he knew he deserved every one of them.

“Can I just explain?”

“No,” huffed Aubery.

“Look. Tom, we have somewhere to be in a few hours. Go get some sleep and I’ll get her a ride.”

“I’m not leaving her. I’ve already made that mistake.”

“I’m not telling you where I’m staying Nicholas Sparks.”

“Fine. New plan. She’ll come with us. We’ll use Luke’s badge to get her in as long as she keeps quiet.”

“Just don’t leave me alone with him.”

Aubery felt it was more for her because even though she was infuriated with Tom, she didn’t trust herself with what she felt for him. She kept her mouth shut and her head down as Mark led her to wherever that were going.

“Here!”

Mark flipped on a light to a conference room with cots spread out from wall to wall.

“Restroom’s there. You need a bucket.”

“No. I can hold my liquor. That I always remember.”

“You can rest here until you wake up. You never know with certain drivers.”

“I appreciate it,” she blushed, giving the badge back.

“Yeah, well, try not to thank me. You will once you talk it out.”

Mark slipped out the door, shoving Tom inside. She rolled her eyes at the sound of the locking door behind Tom. He held out her phone as she snatched it away.

“Can we talk?”

“May as well. Try and tell me the truth. No one else will.”

“Okay, uh…”

“I’ll start. Why’d you leave me in that lobby for 12 hours?”

He started to open his mouth again.

“Seriously, no bullshit. Five words or less.”

“I was scared.”

“Alright.”

“What?”

She ignored him and reached for the nearest blanket.

“I thought you were a good guy, Tom. Like I really liked you from the moment I saw you. It took eight months for you to figure out I was there and even then, I had to torture myself in those damn heels and open my legs for you to get your head out of your ass!”

“You walked into that bar by your choice!”

“Dena told me. I threw myself at you and you run away like a coward.”

“I’m here now, Goddammit!”

“Whatever,” she huffed.

She wrapped herself in the blanket and chose the farthest cot to roll herself onto. He kept some distance between them as he sat next to her cot.

“They all said you had an accident.”

“Just more drama in my life,” she murmured, “the more I try to walk away from it, it always ends up finding me.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“Made Freud proud and found someone fucked up like my mother. I told him I wanted to take a break, he lost his shit. It was causing trouble on set so I decided to bow out. When he found out, he jumped in front of my car and I crashed. A light pole hit the top of the car and my head.”

She grabbed his hand and led it to the bump.

“Shit.”

“I was in a coma for maybe nine days. There are some things I do remember, some I don’t.”

She let his hand go but it was comforting feeling his hand on hers. Tom laid his head on the cot next to hers.

“You didn’t remember me, maybe it was for the best.”

She couldn’t help but smile.

“I remember how you made me feel. The stall, the booth. I could never stop smiling. I never knew why.”

It was killing him but he stayed put.

“Arbidy?”

“No, Arbidy was… reckless, bold, mostly trouble. I think I’ll go back to Aubery for a while.”

Her eyes drifted shut. She turned to her other side so that she faced the wall.

“Maybe I was too bold for you, Tom. Should’ve taken things slow…”

She was drifting quick and he couldn’t hold himself any longer. He moved onto the cot next to Aubery and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Aubery.”

He couldn’t believe he had been a coward to her.

“Mmm.”

“I am truly sorry.”

“S’Okay…”

He buried his nose into her hair, wanting to be given a chance he knew he didn’t deserve.

“Aubery?”

“Mmm?”

“Can I keep you? Please?”

He wanted as Aubery fell asleep tucked between the blanket, the wall and himself. He would move eventually to take off their shoes and wash out as much alcohol he could from his shirt but he wanted to moment to last, just is case. He’d let her slip away once before and he never wanted to do it again.

-

Her head didn’t hurt from drinking and she considered herself lucky. Her side did ache and she knew to flip to her other side. The cot under her was heavy as she felt something roll into her. She already knew who it was.

“You could have picked another cot.”

“All taken, I’m afraid.”

She opened a single eye over Tom’s shoulder, seeing mountains of sleeping heaps on the other cots. She closed her eye and lowered her voice to not disturb anyone.

“Nice. What happened to the floor?”

“Terribly uncomfortable but you can always sleep on me if you wish. I would have done no more than cuddling. I swear.”

“Yeah, you wish.”

The AC made her chilly as she snuggled closer to Tom. She didn’t feel as mad anymore and he was so warm.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“It means you are a source of heat.”

“Here. Take my jacket.”

It helped as the leather jacket was wrapped around her shoulder but she wanted more. She tucked her head down into his chest, smelling nothing but him. Tom smiled, pulling her just a bit closer. When she didn’t fight him, he shifted so that she was laying on top of him.

“I remember how much you loved the leather. Is this better?”

She turned her head up as his hand drifted to her stomach. She could feel him hesitating. It was cute. She took his hand and formed it to the front of her chest as his fingers curled on their own.

“Yeah but I would have done more.”

Her knee shifted up, brushing near the inside of his thigh. It hurt, it hurt so much and he was surrounded on all sides to try and make a move. Shame that his body wouldn’t listen to his head. His hand reached up and brushed back the orange strands that fell from her ponytail.

All she wanted to do was sleep and she knew what he was doing. The bastard was trying to be bold.

Aubery opened her eyes as his burned into hers.

“Tell me what to do,” he whispered.

“No, I shouldn’t have to. Just don’t get us caught.”

A smile stretched across his face. He leaned forward and kissed her without making a noise. Though it would be a challenge and some fun, he wanted her too badly. She pushed herself from the wall and pressed herself against Tom. He shifted his hips slowly into her thigh, careful to not make the cot creak underneath him.

The AC above them kicked on and was able to hide their sighs and soft laughter.

“You may not like it but I miss you being bold.”

He didn’t wait for her to say anything smartass as he slipped his hand past her dress and down her shorts. Her button came undone by itself, giving his hand more room to meet the in between of her legs. Aubery was quick to bury her face into Tom’s neck and indulge herself by grinding her hips on his finger.

Tom felt it safe to bite his lower lip so he wouldn’t gasp from Aubery’s open and welcome legs to him. He traced her with his longest finger to her folds and dipped his finger into her. His own memories came flooding back from the time they were together. He forced himself to stop and pulled his hand away. Aubery pulled her face away in time to see Tom suck on the finger he’d teased her with. His eyes had sunken shut, needing very much to have her again, even if it meant pulling to the bathroom with 10 other sleep people in their way.

He turned her to her back, making the cot creak only once. He pulled the front ties of her dress apart and buried his face into her chest. His finger rubbed her roughly through the shorts. Her fingers curled into his hair to pull him off her breast. He let go, giving her warm skin a single lick.

“No. Not here,” she whispered, “If you want me, then I deserve a real bed.”

“Consider it done.”

He opened his eyes, smiling mischievously as Aubery reached for his belt.

“My turn. Come here.”

Tom almost gave them away as Aubery closed her front teeth around his ear lobe and her hand around his cock at the same time. There was some strength to her grip, enough that he didn’t want her to let go. His heart raced, fighting his deeper urges to push his pants lower. The hairs on the back of his neck stood as he heard the cots creak slowly behind him. So unprofessional to how he looked under his and Aubery’s blanket but he knew it was worth it.

Aubery let him go and traced her nails slowly up his stomach. She enjoyed torturing him, so much closer to him than they were in the bathroom stall. She closed his pants and lazily rubbed him through his jeans. Her grips gave made him calm as his thumb brushed across her bare chest.

“You need to sleep.”

“Will you be here when I wake?”

“What’ll happen then?”

“I want you to wait for me.”

Aubery stopped her hand.

“I am serious. I’ll only be a few hours but I don’t want to lose you again.”

She pulled her hand to her chest.

“Was I ever yours to begin with?”

“You will be now.”

Tom wrapped his hands around Aubery, encasing her with his body warm so she knew that he was going nowhere. He had a chance to prove himself and he was willing to make sure that he wasn’t going to fuck it up.

His eyes closed, hearing his phone vibrate. It was going to be a long day but as long as she was waiting for him, that would be all that mattered. As he slept, someone had gotten off the cot and given him room to turn on his other side. He felt her arm wrap around him. His deep sleep prevented him from reaching back and grabbing ahold of her hand. He had to have been dreaming as her warmth slowly started to disappear.

Wake up! Wake up!

“Smile!”

Laughter made him shift as his eyes opened. He looked up to Mark as he finished taking another picture of him sleep. He rubbed his eyes, looking to his costars waking on the cots around him.

“Ugh. What time is it?”

He rolled to his back, hitting his elbow on the bare wall. That was when he forced his eyes open.

“Where is she?”

Tom rolled to the floor, seeing his jacket folded neatly next to him with a piece of paper on top. He flipped the piece of torn paper open and felt his heart rip from his chest.

I’m sorry.

Mark squatted down so that they wouldn’t be heard.

“She was gone when I got here and that was at least an hour and a half ago. I’m sorry, man.”

He forced himself up and calmly closed himself off in the unoccupied bathroom. He crashed to the floor, shaking, completely out of touch with reality without Aubery there. He kept his mouth closed but he could only cry.

______

Tagged: @808-anon @angelus80 @angryschnauzer @antyc67 @atinyfangirl @audasia25 @cerys1212 @clairelovexo @damageditem @echantedbytwh @eve1978 @hallotom @inkededucatednnerdy @itsjustelen @jennphoenix @justahopeless-dreamer @lokilockedcougar @lostsoul1011 @lovehiddles4everme @marvelousmissfit @mazda098 @megaflowerfangirl @missdibley @mrshiddelston @mypreciousmind1 @nicole-stewart-loves-cookies @osb1anon @ourladybinxthings @peskipixi @prplprincez @ririsutty @roamingbadger @sarabeth72 @servent-alearika @sevanya @shamvictoria11 @siyoteodiara @sketchbookthingz @starrynight35 @startingtoenjoylife @the-lady-mischief @tinaferraldo @tomkurbikston @vdcster @wolfsmom1 @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks

[sheriffwithagun-archived-blog]

tagged by: @jcdith​

name: Kelsey

gender: Female.  star sign: Taurus  height: 5′7 what’s your middle name?:  Ann

put your music on shuffle. what are the first 6 songs that popped up? 1.Black Beatles- Rae Sremmurd.  2.  Marvin Gaye - Charlie Puth 3. Downtown Macklemore  4.  Save Yourself - Kaleo 5.  We Don't Believe What's On TV - Twenty one Pilots  6.  The Best Damn Thing- Avril Lavigne.  my music tastes are all over the place I know. lmao. 

grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17?: “That may be true, but try imparting knowledge to an audience who has either left or fallen asleep with in the first ten minutes of a picture.”

ever had a poem or song written about you?:   Not that I’m aware of.  when was the last time you played air guitar?: Ugh??? I honestly have no idea 

who is your celebrity crush?:My biggest Crush is def Chris Evans. But I also love me some Andy Lincoln & Hugh Laurie. 

what’s a sound you hate; sound you love?:  Random beeping. Like the sounds fire alarms make before the batteries die. I can not. Literally no thanks. I really love the sound of crackling fire tbh. 

do you believe in ghosts? how about aliens?: I do honestly believe in ghosts/demons/spirits all of that shit. Aliens too how can you not. There is so much out there that we don’t even know about. 

do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed?:  I do drive and I have crashed my car before. Not badly but Scary none the less.  what was the last book you read?:  the woman in cabin 10 but I cam currently reading The zombie Survival guide because im trash   do you like the smell of gasoline?: Eh. I don’t mind the smell of it.  what was the last movie you saw?: Belko Experiment with Mali’a. I don’t really watch tv/movies that much. When I do it’s mostly the news at night. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: When I was like 6, I almost had my toe cut off by the vacuum cleaner. It was sliced down to the bone. I had like a million stitches that hurt like a son of a bitch-- but I got a coloring book in the hospital so it all worked out. 

do you have any obsessions right now?: Knitting. Everyone is getting a god damn scarf for christmas bc I really like knitting. It’s kinda gross. 

do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:   I think it really depends for me what the issue is. I don’t tend to hold a grudge. I just cut people out of my life and call it a day instead.  in a relationship?:  I’m sure this is really obvious by now; yes. She’s means the world to me-- my other half really.

what loser?: I really don’t know what the heck this is asking  :)

tagging:  anyone who wants to do this and claim I tagged them I’m cool with . 

[imagine-loki]

By The Willow Shade

TITLE: By The Willow Shade CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2 AUTHOR: MaliceManaged ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a witch (on Earth) and accidentally summoning Loki. He gets angry and confused, but ends up actually liking your company and teaches you more magic. RATING: T

_________________________

    When Loki had left Willow after that afternoon’s lesson to return to Asgard, he had every intention of finishing the book he had begun to read that morning in the hours left before he would have to make an appearance at dinner; instead he found himself mediating an argument between Thor and several of the men that made up the king’s council. He truly wondered how long they would be able to hold their positions whenever Odin passed on the throne now that Thor wasn’t the oblivious, battle-obsessed idiot he once was.

    By the end of it Loki had been so fed up, he went straight to the kitchens and barked an order to have his meal sent to his chambers before retiring there himself, leaving Thor to make his excuses for him in the dining hall. He had just managed to calm down when he received a summons from Odin, only to be scolded and berated the moment he set foot in the king’s hall. Once that was over he left the room seemingly calm - though he was positively seething inside - and, deciding that he didn’t want to be in the Realm Eternal for a moment longer, snuck off to Midgard again.

    He hadn’t really intended to visit Willow again; he sort of just… ended up there. After making himself comfortable on her bed he had begun checking her homework - knowing all too well neither of her parents ever did - and was about halfway through before he realised what he was doing.

    By the Norns; I’ve gone domestic, He thought with a snort. He had almost finished with the last one when Willow walked into the room and provided him with the one bit of company he actually wanted.

    The girl never failed to lift his mood. Part of him thought it probably had a lot to do with the fact that she so obviously adored him; she interestedly hung onto his every word as he spoke, admired his skills to a degree that greatly agreed with his ego, and dove into his teachings with an enthusiasm that made his heart swell with pride.

    The fact that she didn’t mindlessly fawn over him helped too. Willow had never cared that he was a prince or a god; all she saw was a person she liked who had much to teach her.

    When he left her late into the night, after indulging her with a few stories (and expertly avoiding explaining the last thing he had said to her that afternoon; it was much more fun to keep her guessing), he had retired to a house he kept for himself about an hour away from Willow’s to sleep, after checking to see that all his wards were still in place.

    The next morning when he awoke, Loki grabbed the cell phone he’d acquired for the sole reason of communicating with Willow and sent her a quick text informing her where he would meet her for breakfast - and steadfastly pretending he wasn’t treating her just to make sure she actually ate - before taking a shower and heading out.

      “So, let me get this straight…” Willow began through a mouthful of bacon as they sat in a diner, “You skip dinner once and you get a lecture, but Thor trashes the place on several occasions and no-one bats an eye? That’s total bull.”

    “Don’t speak with your mouth full, Willow,” The tall, casually dressed raven haired female sat across from the girl scolded.

    Loki always opted for shapeshifting into a woman when he went out in public with Willow; partly so he wouldn’t be recognised by anyone connected to his brother, but mostly to avoid the stares he got from people seeing a grown man hanging out with a teenaged girl he clearly wasn’t related to. The double standard annoyed them both to no end, but what could they do?

    Willow swallowed then stuck her tongue out at Loki and she scoffed. “Yes, that’s very mature.”

    “Fuck it,” Willow replied with a shrug.

    “Such a refined young lady,” Loki said sarcastically and Willow laughed.

****

    After they’d finished eating they went straight to the supermarket and slowly made their way through the aisles, with Loki unconsciously making sure the cart had plenty of healthier food options to balance the multitude of junk food Willow was so fond of. Once the food was paid for Loki drove (a skill he had yet to share with Willow no matter how many times she asked) to Willow’s house. They noticed her mother’s car was gone but her father’s was still there, and Loki groaned slightly; she truly hated dealing with the man when his wife wasn’t home.

    Grabbing as many bags as they could carry (and could get away with carrying in his current form without arousing suspicion); Loki followed Willow up to the front door and into the house. They had been setting their purchases down on the kitchen floor to be sorted later and had just turned to get the rest from the car when Willow’s father walked in.

    “Oh. Good morning, Laurie; I didn’t know you were coming by,” He greeted Loki, eyeing her in a way that made her skin crawl with revulsion.

    “She was just helping me get food,” Willow said, managing to keep her voice even while Loki gave her father a barely-there smile of faked politeness, then turned to Loki, “And we should get the rest.”

    “Need a hand?” Her father asked.

    “That’s quite alright,” Loki replied politely then moved to walk past him and out of the room.

    “You sure?” Willow’s father insisted, stepping closer to Loki, and it was all she could do not to grimace in disgust at the proximity.

    “We’ve got it, dad,” Willow replied somewhat pointedly.

    “Well, alright; just trying to help,” Her father said with a laugh, stepping out of the way.

    We will see how eager you are to ‘help’ when I rid you of your hands, Loki thought viciously as she walked out of the house and towards the car, closely followed by a fuming Willow.

    “Un-fucking-believable!” Willow hissed angrily as she grabbed more bags out of the trunk. “Every gods damned time!”

    “There is no point dwelling on it, lítið einn,” Loki soothed, keeping her own anger deep inside.

    Willow took a deep breath. “How do you do it?”

    “Practise,” Loki replied as they walked back into the house, “Much practise.”

    Once the groceries had been sorted and put away, Willow and Loki retreated to the safety of Loki’s house - having gotten permission to do so from Willow’s father while he had been too distracted staring at Loki’s ass - and spent the rest of the morning practising a few simple spells. After lunch Willow had commandeered Loki’s laptop (which he had gotten on a whim and hadn’t actually used much) and began downloading music onto it; filling it with a random selection ranging from Mastodon and Helloween to Laura Pausini, Wumpscut and ABBA, along with operas and classical pieces. It always amused the Trickster how eclectic the girl’s taste in music was; she seemed content to listen to just about anything except for country music, which she hated with a passion.

    “Hey, Loki; can I ask you something?” Willow asked as she ‘introduced him to the wonders of Faun’, in her own words.

    “You just did,” Loki replied with a smirk from his spot on the couch; his eyes closed as he enjoyed the music.

    “Ha, ha,” Willow said sarcastically. “I’m serious.”

    Loki opened his eyes and grinned at her. “Ask away, but if it is personal, it will cost you a day.”

    “Fine,” Willow agreed, her curiosity being too much for her to bother trying to negotiate and Loki gestured at her to continue. “Why do you stick around?”

    “We have a deal,” Loki replied simply.

    “Yeah; for you to teach me magick. I mean… well, this,” Willow said, gesturing around them, “Our deal said nothing about you hanging out with me, or buying me food, or listening to me whining about stuff.”

    Loki looked up at the ceiling and was silent for a while then he looked back down at her. “Why did you summon me?”

    “To see if I could?” Willow’s answer came out more like a question and Loki gave her a look. She bit her bottom lip and pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them. “I needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn’t judge me for being a freak,” She admitted quietly.

    Loki wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side, which she responded to by leaning into him and wrapping her arms around his middle. “And that, dear girl, is why.”

[shoveanavocadoupmyass]

♬

SEND ME A ♬ JUST FUCKING DO IT.

*RUBS MY GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER.* LET’S GO MOTHERFUCKER. 

THE TRUTH/THE END Reefer Madness “When danger’s near, exploit their fear. The end will justify the means.” 

I couldn’t find a combination of the two on YouTube, so those are two separate links above!

KAY so Reefer Madness is a stupid ass musical (the whole thing is on YouTube btw ur welcome), but it’s got this surprisingly real commentary on mobbing and fear mongering? 

It focuses on “reefer” (obviously, because that’s what the original movie was about and it’s fuckin’ in the title) and it deals with “loss of innocence” and shit. It follows the story of JIMMY AND MARY, two super classic Christian-American teens and their descent to sin by way of REEFER! 

The Lecturer’s (Alan Cumming’s) whole schtick is, like, he’s literally giving a seminar to parents like yOU WOULDN’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILDREN, WOULD YOU? And then ridiculous things happen to Jimmy and Mary and the other potheads. They swear and have a lot of sex and Sally literally sells her baby so she can buy weed at one point? 

TAKE A LOOK AT THESE LYRICS FROM THE OPENING NUMBER, THOUGH, FAM: 

“Creeping like a communist, it’s knocking at our doors. Turning all our children into hooligans and whores. Voraciously devouring the way things are today, savagely deflowering the good ol’ U.S.A.It’s Reefer Madness, Reefer Madness” 

“Stealthy as a socialist, it slithers up our shoresTurning all our children into hooligans and whores!This smoking bowl of evil bears the choking stench of sin!It burrows like a weevil under tender Christian skin!”

Man, just watch the whole musical. Also fuckin’ Zack and Cody’s dad plays Jesus at one point so obviously if you’re not sold already, that’ll get you. 

ANY WAY this is more of a connection with America than it is with Alfred, even though that’s...kind of a moot point. I think it makes sense? But if you’re like “what the fuck is wrong w u” I’ll try and explain more but HOO. 

ASTONISHING Little Women“I may be small, but I’ve got giant plans to shine as brightly as the sun.” 

SO - I linked that to a video of Sutton Foster singing it for some random TV show because the actual recording has this VERY SPECIFIC bit right at the beginning that’s like “WHY THE FUCK DID LAURIE PROPOSE TO ME THAT ASSHOLE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BROS” which has no relevance to why I picked this for Alfred, because…Alfred is not Jo March and does not have the same problems as her. But if you want a better recording, here’s the OBC Cast with the weird beginning bit. 

This one is definitely more Alfred in his earlier years, like when he’s still with Arthur, kind of coming into himself kind of of song. Pre-War of Independence. You got me. 

That’s it. So in depth. Exploring his character. Damn shit. 

SUPERBOY AND THE INVISIBLE GIRL Next to Normal “He’s your hero, forever your son. He’s not here! I am here!” 

Okay, so I’m including this one because you’re MapleTea trash and this song gives me major Canada @ England, feat. America as Superboy vibes? Plus Aaron Tveit as Alfred F. Jones yes please god bless. 

Next to Normal is lit. It deals with a lot of shit that’s not really touched by musical theatre, it’s main theme being mental illness (specifically Bipolar Disorder). It follows the stories of the Goodman’s. Diana, the mother figure, is dealing with severe mental illness after suffering through the death of her son, Gabe (Superboy), who died in a car crash when he was a baby. Gabe presents as a regular character and functioning member of the family (who has aged as usual as well) and it’s revealed at the end of the first number that he’s not real when she tries to present him with a birthday cake and Dan sings “he’s not here.” In the song Catch Me I’m Falling it’s revealed that Natalie, the invisible girl, was born essentially to replace Gabe. 

Diana: “We had Natalie to…and I know she knows. I couldn’t hold her in the hospital. I couldn’t let myself hold her.” Dr. Madden: “That’s the first time you’ve mentioned Natalie in weeks of therapy.” Natalie: “She’s not there.” 

It’s a lot more involved than that…but…we will be here for HOURS. So just. MapleTea. And Alfred. Yeah. 

WORD OF YOUR BODY Spring Awakening. “O, I’m gonna be wounded. O, I’m gonna be your wound. O, I’m gonna bruise you. O, you’re gonna be my bruise”

Before I say anything I want to put in a fucking shout out to the Deaf Wests version of the REPRISE to this number (heads up there’s a fair amount of dialogue beforehand which I think is worth watching, BUT if you ain’t into it, the song starts around 2:27). This is the obligatory Allan @ Alfred/Alfred @ Allan number, and the reprise probably make more sense to refer to since, rather than a scene between Wendla and Melchior, it’s a scene between Ernst and Hanschen, who are our token gays! Also the smooches are really good and made me swoon so 10/10 recommend just watching for those if I’m honest. 

I originally linked the Melchior/Wendla version just because the audio is better, and I’m really only interested in the chorus anyway (which is what I quoted above) which is in both versions? Every other part of each other versions aren’t really what I was looking for since they’re very character specific and I find that the Ernst/Hanschen dynamic and the Melchior/Wendla dynamic don’t really represent Allan and Alfred. THAT BEING SAID, Hanschen’s character...is really good, and he looks a bit and acts a bit like Alfred. So. SO. 

ANYWAY. 

The chorus was the only thing I could find that I thought…encapsulated…what I think their relationship is? They don’t fit into the usual lovey dovey bullshit songs like Delovely and friggin’ Falling Slowly. And, like, referring to their relationship as some kind of wound or a bruise is...aesthetic as fuck. 

PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ Fred Astaire “High hats and arrowed collars, white spats and lots of dollars. Spending every dime for a wonderful time!” 

*SHRUGS* 

HERE’S AN HONOURABLE MENTION FOR AN ALLAN AND ALFRED SONG ALSO LMFAO.