#I have already sent out my emails for the day and all my homework

[jonquilandlace]

I genuinely can neither understand nor believe that my graduate life in which we were told not to commit to anything extracurricular because of how busy we would be is more relaxed and calm than my undergraduate where we were told we shouldn’t complain about the amount of homework and make sure to do extracurriculars/more classes or else you won’t be employable—

[little-diable]

There's just something about you – Professor!Austin Butler (smut)

Well well well, ofc I {as somebody who has a massive prof!crush} had to give in and write this. I think this has potential for a part 2, so please tell me how you feel about that. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The reader works as Professor Butler's teaching assistant. The two are about to take a trip with his class when she gets sick. While staying with him for the weekend the two finally give in to the pull keeping them chained together.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, oral (f), professor x TA relationship, quite fluffy

Pairing: prof!Austin Butler x fem!TA!reader (3k words)

picture credit to the original owner

“Alright, listen up!“ Professor Butler’s voice echoed through the room. His words were followed by instant silence, forcing all eyes towards the handsome professor. She stood close to him, not enough to feel his body heat clashing against her, though just enough to hyperfocus on the scent of his expensive cologne – a scent she’d always pick up on, no matter where she was at.

“As you all know, we’re leaving for our trip next week. (Y/n) was kind enough to take over the bookings, but we need you to find one or two people to share a room with. Please send (y/n) an email til Monday, so we can avoid any confusion when we check in. If you have any further questions about the trip or concerns, feel free to reach out to one of us.”

She had joined the faculty as Professor Butler’s PhD candidate and teaching assistant a while ago, slowly having to adjust to being around a man like him. At first, (y/n) had struggled to focus, fighting against the urge to stare at him at any given chance, but slowly she had gotten more and more relaxed around him, actually getting to enjoy her interactions with the young professor. 

“Please don’t forget your homework, alright? I’ll see you all next week.” The room was filled with loud noises as he ended the class, forcing the students to their feet and out into the hallway. (Y/n) busied herself with his notes, rechecking them before she allowed her gaze to find his bright eyes. “You did good today, (y/n), if you feel comfortable enough you can gladly do next week’s class on your own.” 

“I don’t think I feel ready to do this without you yet.” His big hand found her shoulder, leaving her torn between focusing on the feeling of his thumb softly stroking the fabric of her blouse, and the intense eye contact he now held with her. For a second, neither of them spoke, leaving (y/n) to wonder what he was thinking about. 

“Alright, but you’re by far better than me at catching their attention, I hope one day you’ll realise that.” Professor Butler’s raspy chuckle had an addicting effect to it, leaving her to avert her gaze as he took a step away from her. “Chinese takeout while we grade the essays?” 

……

She woke with a pained whine as her hand reached for her phone, trying to read the time. It was Saturday morning, two days before they’d go on their short trip, but her body was clearly fighting against all plans, making her suffer from a sore throat and a blocked nose. Curses wanted to claw through her, cursing fate for pushing her into her misery. 

(Y/n) had been looking forward to the trip for a while, excited about spending some more time with Professor Butler outside of his office and the room he was teaching in. Secretly she had hoped for some more calmer moments where they could go back to sharing information about one another that had nothing to do with their research or their university work. Hopes that were now evaporating into nothing but cold air. 

For a moment, (y/n) pondered over her choices, but her fingers had already started to move before her mind could protest, opening the email app. With a few quick words she sent her professor a small warning, telling him that she was sick and would most likely not be able to join on Monday. She felt pathetic for the wave of hurt and exhaustion flushing through her, leaving her trembling body to search the warmth of her bed. 

It didn’t take long for her phone to go off, forcing her glassy eyes to read his reply. Simple words told her to give him a call with his added number to the email. Perhaps it was the fault of her cold, perhaps it was the fault of her hazy thoughts, whatever it was, it stopped (y/n) from overthinking, clicking on the number before her anxiety could get the best of her. 

“Morning, (y/n).” His raspy voice shot shudders down her spine, momentarily letting her eyes flutter close. She repeated the greeting while internally cringing at the raspy sound of her voice. “Oh sweetheart, you sound horrible.”

Heat rose to her face at the pet name, having to forcefully stop herself from gasping. She could only let go of a hum, not trusting herself to speak coherent words he could easily pick up on. 

“Are you still living alone?” A while ago (y/n) had told him about her struggles to find a roommate, unsure who to pick as she had high priorities she didn’t want to let go of. Once again she hummed, wondering where he was taking this conversation. “Alright, I want you to pack a bag. I’ll pick you up in a few, you’re spending the weekend with me, I can’t go on that trip without you. We’ll get you back to your healthy self in no time.”

“Professor,” she sat up as she tried to protest, having to drown out the sinful thoughts instantly flushing through her mind. “I don’t want to take up any of your space, and you could also get sick. I’ll be alright here, don’t worry.”

“No, you’re staying with me. I won’t accept any protests, (y/n). What’s your address?”

It hadn’t taken long for them to end the call, for her to take a quick shower and to pack a bag. Her heart kept racing in her chest, urging her to move, to be smart about the things she packed. She barely got any time to overthink as he had arrived at her place rather quickly, but now as she was sitting on his couch, wrapped in a blanket, (y/n)’s thoughts finally caught up with her. 

Austin – as he had asked her to call him – was all too gentle with her, tending to her every need with worry tugging on his features. (Y/n) could only guess that she looked as horrible as she felt, tired eyes barely managing to stay open, and yet she didn’t want to miss a thing, cherishing the chance to be so close to him. 

“How about we watch a movie before I make some soup, huh?” Austin plopped down next to her, tugging on her legs to place them in his lap. (Y/n) allowed herself to study him for a few seconds, his blonde hair had that slightly unruly touch to it, blue eyes focusing on his TV. He wore a simple white shirt that perfectly stuck to his muscles, paired with blue jeans that gave him a different touch to the version of him who always wore suits in class. 

“Sure, I’m good with whatever.” He shot her a quick smile that left her trembling, having to calm her racing heart with her grasp on the blanket growing stronger. She barely managed to pay the opening sequence of the movie any attention, getting lost in her thoughts as his thumb stroked the soft skin of her ankle, holding onto her as if he was scared she could slip right through his fingers. 

For the first time in years, she felt an unfamiliar kind of safety wrapping itself around her, clinging to her like a second skin made to protect her, to cherish her, to perhaps even love her. 

……

Quiet steps carried her towards the big kitchen, engulfed in darkness as (y/n) started the kettle, hoping that another cup of tea could finally lull her to sleep. She was too deep in thought to notice his approaching figure, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his naked chest. 

“You alright, sweetheart?” (Y/n) jumped at the sound of his raspy voice, pressing her hand to her chest as she turned towards him. A laugh clawed through Austin, guiding him closer to her with slow steps. “Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.” 

(Y/n) had to turn from him, trying to focus on the almost boiling water as he came to a halt behind her, reaching for another cup. His naked upper body was pressed against her back, one of his arms found its way around her waist to keep her close to him. Goosebumps covered her limbs, silently whispering to her, guiding her hand to find his. 

No words were spoken between the two as she poured the hot water into the big cups while Austin reached for the teabags. He loosened his hold on her as if he was begging her to turn around, to get lost in the bright eyes that reminded her of warm summer mornings spent at the beach, getting lost in daydreams that felt more real than memories of things she had lived through. Her body urged her to move, to lean against the counter with her eyes finding his features, wandering over his handsome face. 

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, (y/n)?” She didn’t trust her voice, knowing that she’d most likely make a fool of herself, but the two hands finding her waist, keeping her caged between his tall frame and the counter, encouraged her to part her lips. (Y/n)’s eyes focused on his neck, on the golden necklace he wore, dangling from his neck like a pendulum about to give her a glimpse into her future. 

“I,” a shaky exhale left (y/n), trusting her mind and heart to guide her. “I keep thinking about how comfortable I feel here. Thank you for letting me stay with you, Austin.” 

She expected him to shoot her his signature smile, to pull away from her to reach for his cup. But he kept close to her, hand slowly moving up to her face, cupping her cold cheek. He forced her to look up at him, making her breath hitch in her chest as she watched his gaze flicker between her eyes and her lips. 

“I tried to stay away from you, but you’re not making it easy for me, sweetheart.” (Y/n) got no chance to reply, silenced by the feeling of his lips finding hers. Ever since she had joined his team, (y/n) had imagined this very moment, wondering how his lips would feel pressed against hers, how he’d hold onto her as they got lost in their kiss. But this was so very different to all these daydreams, more intense, more exciting even. With his hands finding the back of her thighs, he helped her onto the counter, allowing himself to stand between her thighs as they kept kissing. 

“Now you’re definitely getting sick for sure,” (y/n) mumbled the words against his lips as they parted to catch their breaths. Austin’s raspy laugh echoed through the kitchen, bright eyes burning her skin as if she was caught in a wildfire, about to burn to the ground. 

“For you I’ll gladly take on the struggles of being sick.” His words left her heart roaring, lips finding his once again. Their tongues met in a teeth clashing kiss, wordlessly managing to communicate their longing, the desperate need they had fought against these past months. “I need you to be honest with me, do you want this? I don’t want to pressure you, sweetheart.”

“Take me to bed, professor.” (Y/n)’s smirk grew wider as his pupils dilated, picking her up without another warning. She had her legs wrapped around him, face buried in the crook of his neck. Within seconds they found themselves in Austin’s bedroom, he didn’t give her much time to take in the big room, the pictures gracing the walls, fully focused on him as he pressed her down on the mattress. 

Austin kissed his way down her throat as if he was following the trail of a treasure hunt, high on the adrenaline of the search. (Y/n) trembled beneath him while her fingers tugged on the hairs at the nape of his neck before moving down to his muscular shoulders. Somehow it felt as if they had done this numerous times before, knowing exactly how and where to touch one another. 

He parted from her to pull her shirt over her head, focus instantly drawn to her naked chest. The way Austin was staring at her made (y/n) feel as if he was marvelling at a masterpiece, a creation of old times the human mind barely managed to understand. Carefully he cupped her breasts, groaning at the feeling of her soft skin pressing against his. They held eye contact as he brought his lips back to her skin, sucking on both nipples before kissing his way down her stomach. 

“Austin,” (y/n) choked on his name, begging him to keep on moving, to touch her where she needed him the most. 

“Talk to me, sweetheart, what do you want?” His voice grew lower with every spoken syllable, pushing heat down to her core. She felt her walls clench around nothing, begging him to finally fuck her. 

“You, all of you. Please, I need you so badly.” Without speaking another word, he ripped her panties from her hips, letting his fingers explore her arousal-covered folds. His name rolled off her tongue, she arched her back at the careful touches, trying to shuffle even closer. Austin could do whatever he wanted to her at that very moment, she was putty in his hands, his to toy with, his to use for his own pleasure. Whatever he wanted, she’d do it, if he kept on touching her like this. 

“Will you let me taste you? I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.” (Y/n) could only nod her head, letting go of a breathless gasp the second his rough tongue brushed through her folds. Austin moaned at her taste, he wrapped one arm around her thigh, keeping her pressed to him while the other hand found her clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves with his fingers. Within the first seconds of him touching her, (y/n) had known that she wouldn’t be able to hold on for long, overstimulated by his touches. 

No longer could she spare her hurting throat any attention, no longer did she struggle to breathe on, all she could do was focus on him, on the way he dipped his tongue into her tightness, how he added more speed to his movements, pushing her closer and closer to the edge.

“You taste so sweet, I could stay like that forever, if you’ll let me.” She moaned at his praise, fingernails scratching at his skin to try and hold on. Her legs were trembling from the strength she used to curl her toes, unsure how much longer she could stop herself from giving in to an intense orgasm. 

“It’s alright, cum for me, show me how pretty you look when you cum for me.” Austin’s words pushed her into the open arms of her orgasm, calling out his name as he kept circling her clit with a smirk glued to his lips. He watched her every move, every micro-expression he could pick up on, fully mesmerised by the beautiful woman he had wanted to pull closer for months. 

“Oh god,” (y/n) panted the words, drawing gleeful chuckles from Austin as he let go of her. Her glassy eyes watched him undress, gaze wandering down his muscular upper body, past his six-pack to his sweatpants. His cock sprang free as he stepped out of his clothes, a sight that pushed heat straight down to her cunt, needing to feel him buried inside of her. “I need you to fuck me now, I can’t wait any longer, Austin.”

“Mhm, such a desperate girl, we should teach you some patience one day.” He reached for a condom, rolled it down his cock and positioned himself between her thighs. With her hand finding the back of his neck, (y/n) pulled him back down for a kiss, distracting herself from the slight pain as he pushed into her, having to adjust to his size. For a second, they held still, clinging to one another to let go of a few deep exhales, fingers interlaced to try and keep themselves grounded. 

“Move, please, professor.” Austin let go of a growl at the use of the title, building a comfortable rhythm that allowed one another to get used to the sensation. He was careful with her, not daring to hurt her when she was still sick, not fully able to guide her body. But the blissful expression tugging on her features was enough to calm his racing heart, finding enjoyment in the way she clung to him, how she seemingly felt the same pull he did.

They were a mess of tangled limbs, of moans blurring together, of hearts beating in sync, a match so perfect neither of them wanted to break out of their very own bubble. Their bodies met with every thrust, bringing them closer and closer together, while their eyes found back together. 

“My pretty girl, I don’t want to let you go again.” He murmured the words against her lips, luring a soft chuckle out of (y/n). 

“Don’t let me go, don’t you dare.” Her head rolled back as his cock nudged her swollen spot, leaving him grinning in success. Austin kept staring down at her, trying to burn every passing second into his mind, praying that he won’t ever forget about this night. 

“Touch yourself, make yourself cum on my cock, sweetheart.” With a gasp leaving her, her fingers found her pulsing clit, moving quickly to give her the needed push. He fucked her through her second orgasm, letting go himself as she relaxed beneath him. 

Austin clung to her as they both tried to catch their breaths, only parting as they managed to break through the hazy fog wrapping itself around the two lovers. He threw away the condom before he returned to her, cupping her now warm cheek to pull her in for another kiss. 

“How about a bath?” She could only nod as he picked her up and carried her into his bathroom, while making the silent promise to cherish her for as long as she’ll let him.

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

Bamboozled

Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 15 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU

Masterlist | Next Part

The next morning was spent doing errands. You woke up to a few good morning texts that made you smile, and you let them know you were heading out to the store down the street. The street was slightly busy as it was early morning on a weekday, but it wasn’t crowded.

You managed to make it through the store with little to no issues, only slightly panicked when you messed up while thanking the cashier, but thankfully she brushed off the error and wished you a nice day.

Soulmates

Y/N Guess who only slightly embarrassed themselves at the grocery store ^^ Img.png Felix Oh no, what happened? Y/N Tried to say thank you. Accidentally said you’re welcome. Felix ∠ ( ´• ０ •`) 〴 Han Damn, that’s so embarrassing For you For me it’s hilarious Y/N ( ⇀ ╭╮↼ ) Chan Glad you’re back safe Sorry to hear about you embarrassing moment Minho Poor Jagiya RIP your dignity Funeral will be held at 8pm           Y/N ( ง •` ⎽ ´• ) ง

You got back to your apartment and began putting things away only an hour after leaving, which left you with plenty of time to sort out all the things you had planned for the day, starting with your assignments for the week.

You received a text as you began to set up your computer and pull out the books you had bought only a week before you got onto the plane, but you forget about them for a few seconds and it isn’t until you get 6 consecutive notifications that you finally pull out your phone.

Changbin Hey, do you mind doing me a favor? Y/N Hmmm, depends on the favor

The other texts you received were a couple photos and selfies sent by Jeongin, and you smiled as you looked through a few of them. Most of them were obviously taken without the members’ knowledge, and you shamelessly saved a few of them and used your favorite selfie as your phone wallpaper.

Changbin Channie-hyung made plans to work later tonight, despite my best efforts to convince him to take a day off. You mind giving it a shot? Y/N What makes you think he’d listen to me? Changbin I figured you could persuade him more effectively. Y/N Hmmm. I might have some ideas in mind. Changbin Oh? Thought about it before, huh? Y/N NOT LIKE THAT! Get your mind out of the gutter! Changbin Kkkkk As long as it gets him to bed before midnight, I don’t care what you do. Y/N ( ￣ ^ ￣ ) ゞ

You then decided to thank Jeongin for the pictures by making yourself a breakfast full of his favorite foods, settling down at your desk while you ate to go through your email before you got started on your homework. You set a timer for 2 hours, working through as much work as you could with a few breaks in between, and pretty soon your alarm went off.

Double checking it was around lunchtime, you sent a quick message.

Y/N Are you busy right now? Chan Hmm, having a quick lunch with the boys. Why? Is everything okay? Y/N Can I call? Want to hear your voice.

Instead of a reply, you received a call from him, which you received with a smile.

“Well, someone was quite eager,” You teased.

“What can I say. I missed you too.”

“You saw me yesterday.”

“Hmm, but that was over 24 hours ago. It’s a long time to be away from my girlfriend.”

You let out a laugh. “Girlfriend? Awfully sure of yourself considering you haven’t actually asked me yet.”

“I haven’t. But a little birdie told me Seungmin already asked for us.”

“Oh?” You began to pace your room. “Doesn’t that technically mean only Seungmin’s my boyfriend?”

“Haven’t you realized sweetheart? We’re a package deal.”

That made you pause, and you were suddenly grateful that this conversation was taking place over the phone and not in person, because it allowed you to ignore your suddenly hot cheeks and act as if you were as confident as you wished you could be.

“Well, in that case, I think I deserve a nice night in with my lovely boyfriend. What do you say, want to hang out tonight?”

There was a pause on his end, and you could just about make out the distant chatter from the other boys. “I don’t know. I had some ideas I wanted to flesh out while they were still fresh …”

“Shoot. Are you sure I can’t convince you to change your mind? I was really looking forward to getting to spend some time with you.” You dropped your voice down to a seductive tone. “I promise I’ll make it worth your time.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I have some ideas in mind.”

“What kind of ideas?”

“Good food, good company, and a good night’s sleep. What more could you possible want?”

“That sounds like heaven,” He said with a smile in his voice. “I’ll agree on one condition.”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me which one of the boys put you up to this.”

You snickered. “Please don’t kill my boyfriends, babe. I prefer to have them around just a little longer.”

“Oh no, I mean to thank them. I was planning on spending the night with you anyways, as an apology for missing dinner last night, but I figured I could get a better deal if I convinced the others that I was going to work tonight-“ He trailed off.

Your mouth dropped open in shock. “You planned this!?”

“I planned on someone snitching on me.” His own voice suddenly dropped, and you felt shivers roll down your spine. “Getting to hear you practically begging for me? Oh honey, that was just the cherry on top.”

“You little shit,” You snapped back breathlessly.

Chan let out a chuckle. “I’ll see you tonight sweetheart.”

“My place or yours?” You wondered, twirling around on your spot with a smile.

“My place. If I have you all alone, I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” You teased. “But your place it is. See you later, alligator.”

“In a while, crocodile.”

-0-0-

Y/N You’re too predictable And apparently, so am I :( Changbin ??

-0-0-

Using the key you had been given just the day before, you made your way into an uneasily quiet apartment. It felt wrong to be there by yourself, but you had a plan for a perfect evening, and part of that part was making sure that you had a nice warm meal waiting for you boys when they got back home.

You were planning on something simple, but also something you were sure everyone would like. You didn’t know if everyone would come around for dinner or if it would just be the 4 who lived there, so you made enough for 9 people and figured if there were leftovers they could always eat tomorrow.

And your timing was nearly spot on, because just as you lowered the heat to leave the food warm, you heard the front door click open. There was a soft chatter and a surprised hum from behind you, and you turned around with a smile.

“Dinner’s ready if you guys are hungry,” you said, and Jisung waddled over to you with a tired smile.

“Hi baby,” he said, wrapping his arms around you.

“Miss me?” You teased.

“Always.” He hooked his chin onto your shoulder, and you felt an arm reach out to pull the lid off the pan on the stove. “Ooh, whats this?”

“Chicken parm. You hungry?”

“Ahhh, you made food!?” Changbin’s loud yell made you jump, and you peeked around Jisung to wave at the other three who were piling into the kitchen.

“It’s ready, if you guys want to eat.”

You received a loud overlapping rumble of confirmation from 3 of the boys, and Chan gave you a knowing look when you winced at the sudden pitch in noise. He mouthed what you assumed was ‘thank you’, but you had to quickly look away to keep Hyunjin from dropping the plates he had been trying to grab despite you and Jisung standing in his way.

Jisung whined when you pulled away, and it was only with a promise to sit next to him that you managed to wrangle them all to the table.

The rest of the meal was surprisingly silent as the boys ate. You could tell they were tired, and you were thankful that Chan wasn’t going to actually be working late that night because he looked like he needed a good night’s sleep more than anyone.

“I’ll clean up,” You reassured the others when they finished. “You guys go get ready for bed.”

“Are you staying?!” Hyunjin piped up, giving you a pleading look.

“Sorry Hyunnie, I called dibs,” Chan said, patting the young dancer on the shoulder.

Changbin gave you a sour look and you laughed, knowing that he had undoubtedly asked Chan about your cryptic text and realized you had both been bamboozled.

Jisung let out a yell. “No fair! Why do you get to spend the night with them?”

“Yeah! What if I get lonely tonight?”

“Ah, Hyunjinnie! You can stay with me if you want!” Changbin chimed in.

Hyunjin made a face, leaning away from Changbin who was now making kissy faces, and shooting you a pleading look. You grabbed his plate and escaped into the kitchen, the sound of chairs scratching along the floor and pounding footsteps echoing down the halls.

“Everyday,” Chan sighed, joining you at the sink and placing his plate on the counter.

You glanced at him, smile tugging at your lips. “You poor boy. You look like you need a break.”

“Hmm, good thing I have a perfect escape,” He whispered, wrapping his arms around your waist.

The heat from his body soaked through your shirt and you leaned back, pausing in your dish washing to appreciate the feeling of content you experienced being in his arms, and you knew he felt it too when he slumped against you as his muscles relaxed. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, grip tightening for a split second before he pulled away.

“Move over,” He said, bumping you with his hip. “Let me help.”

“You don’t have to,” You reassured him. “I know you’re tired.”

“The quicker we finish this, the quicker I get to have you in my bed.”

You flushed at the subtle innuendo he dropped on you, and if it wasn’t for the giggle that escaped him when he realized it too, you would have thought it was on purpose. You bumped him back and the two of you made quick work of the dishes.

-0-0-

Something nudged your shoulder, and you jolted awake with a sudden inhale of air. There was a blurry smudge of a person leaning over you, and your heart was beating loudly in your ears until your eyes adjusted to the dark and you realized that the smudge was Jisung, frozen with his eyes wide at having been caught. You let out the breath you had been holding.

“Sungie,” You groaned, and Chan shifted from behind you. “Seriously?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice until tomorrow.”

You closed your eyes, lifting up the blanket in a silent invitation, and Jisung took the win with grace as he slid under the covers. Chan huffed out a laugh in realization, warm air hitting the back of your neck. Jisung pressed his back against your front, and you wrapped your arms around him, the warmth from both sides slowly pulling you back to sleep.

[justabigassnerd]

Father-Daughter Dance

Pairing - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x daughter!reader, Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw

Word count - 3,316

Warnings - angst, brief mention of potentially being injured, sad hours, swearing, fluff

Summary - your plans for the father-daughter dance were disrupted by unforeseen circumstances, only you have an uncle who would do anything for you

A/N - hey y'all sorry it's been a hot minute but it's time for a new part of Hangman junior. I'm sorry I'm not producing fics as much as I used to, I'm doing my best. I won't ramble, as per y'all, please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!!!

When your school got the idea to host a father-daughter dance in a few months' time, you didn’t plan on telling your dad about it. You didn’t see much point in going, you figured neither your dad nor Bradley would want to go to anything like that. You stuffed the leaflet in your bag before you left school and intended to leave it there. When you got home, you went into the kitchen, shocked to see your dad and Bradley already home.

“Hey, y/n/n.” Bradley greets you with a smile as he crosses to give you a hug while Jake grins at you from where he was leant against the counter with a coffee in hand.

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting to see you guys home so early.” You say, shrugging your bag off your shoulder and placing it on the chair by the kitchen table as Jake crossed to you, hugging you quickly before placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Mav let us off early. We finished training earlier than expected and since the new recruits don’t start until Monday, Mav gave us an early start to the weekend.” Jake says as you begin searching in your bag for your homework since you wanted to ask Bradley and Jake for some help. As you pulled out your notebook, the leaflet came out with the book and fluttered to the floor. Jake bent down to pick it up almost the second it hit the floor despite your insistence that you’d pick it up.

“Your school’s doing a father-daughter dance?” Jake asks, a raised eyebrow as he looks from the piece of paper to you.

“Yeah… I figured you guys would be too busy to go or wouldn’t want to go so I wasn’t planning on going or anything.” You shrug, opening your notebook and flipping through it to find the question you didn’t understand.

“Hey, we’d love to go with you. If you can deal with your dad’s potentially embarrassing you.” Jake says, grinning as you roll your eyes and shake your head.

“You wouldn’t even have to go with both of us. If you just want to go with your dad, I won’t be offended by it.” Bradley softly offers, making you turn to look at him, almost offended by his words.

“I’m going with both of you or I’m not going at all.” You insist, glancing from Bradley to Jake who soften at your words before they both encase you in a hug.

“Then we’ll all go.” Jake mumbles softly, getting a hum of agreement from you and Bradley before they both pull away.

“Now will you help me with this homework?” You ask, getting a laugh from both of the men.

A couple of weeks after Jake and Bradley agreed to go to the father-daughter dance with you, Jake and Bradley received news that they’d be sent on a short deployment. They did extensive checks on the date they shipped out and when they’d return, double-checking with Maverick and triple checking with Cyclone that the mission would be simple enough to finish within a couple of weeks so that they’d make it back before the date of your dance. With their confidence intact, they packed their stuff and headed to the dock to board the carrier with you and Javy waving them off amongst other families. During the first week of their deployment, you got occasional emails from Jake and Bradley keeping you updated on how their deployment was going, as well as letting you know just how much they missed you. However, a few days into the second week of their deployment, Javy received a video call from them while the two of you were lounging around in the living room.

“Hey, guys.” Javy said with a grin as he sat up, standing his phone up against a glass so Jake and Bradley could see both you and Javy.

“Hey, dad. Hey, Bradley.” You greet, your smile widening at being able to see your dad’s, albeit through a screen. The two smiled up on seeing you but you noticed that their smiles didn’t quite reach their eyes.

“Hey, Javy. Hey, sweetheart.” Jake says, glancing from the screen to Bradley.

“Are you being good for Coyote?” Bradley asks, a slight chuckle tagged on to the end of his sentence as you and Javy exchange a mock offended look.

“Are you suggesting my niece is anything but an angel when she stays with me?” Javy asks, hand on his heart as he dramatically pretends to faint. You laughed at Javy’s actions while your dad and Bradley couldn’t muster up much more than a light chuckle.

“Is everything okay, dad?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing at the thoughts that run through your head. You knew Payback and Fanboy had gone on the deployment with them, so you were immediately worried that something had happened to them.

“Are Payback and Fanboy, okay?” You then ask, your eyes filling with worry.

“They’re okay y/n/n. We’re all okay.” Bradley assures, giving you a reassuring smile before your dad clears his throat nervously.

“y/n, we’ve had some delays in the mission. We had some pretty shit weather recently, so we’ve been unable to fly because of it. They’re extending the deployment and I don’t think we’ll make it back in time for the dance. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Jake says gently, fighting the urge to get his F-18 up on the catapult and fly back to San Diego himself when he saw the light in your eyes dim as you process his words. Remaining silent, you nod stoically, slapping a smile on.

“That’s okay. You can’t help these things.” You say softly, fighting to keep your smile from faltering.

“y/n…” Bradley starts, trying to find the right words to comfort you when you stand up suddenly.

“I just remembered I have some homework to finish. I gotta go. Love you.” You say hurriedly when you feel your resolve crumbling by the second, darting upstairs and ignoring the calls of both your dad’s and Javy as you go.

“I’ll check on her.” Javy says instantly, moving to stand up but stopping when Jake and Bradley call out to him.

“No, leave her. She needs a minute. Check up on her before you go to bed.” Jake says, knowing that you need some time alone to process the news.

“Is there really no way you’ll make it back in time?” Javy asks quietly, his gaze drifting to the stairs.

“The weather has been so bad Coyote. There’s a very slim chance we make it back in time because of these delays.” Bradley says, his heart breaking as he replays your face falling in his head. Javy nods minutely at Bradley’s words, silently cursing the weather for the upset it’s caused you.

“Javy, make sure she doesn’t isolate herself. She might not want to go to the dance anymore and I can’t blame her. But just make sure she’s not hiding away.” Jake requests, his worried gaze meeting that of Javy’s who nods diligently. Just before another word can be spoken, Bradley glances down at his watch and nudges Jake, letting him know that it’s almost time for them to head to their brief.

“We have to go. Keep us updated, okay?” Bradley says, both men standing up, bidding Javy goodbye before the call is ended. Turning his phone off, Javy sighs as he leans back against the sofa cushions. He felt awful for you, you’d told him that you initially had no intentions to go, and you agreed to go because both Jake and Bradley said they’d go with you. You had been excitedly looking up dresses and not long bought one that arrived the other day. Unable to sit swelling in his thoughts, Javy pushes himself up from the sofa and heads up to the guest room in his house that usually became your room while your dads were away.

“y/n/n, can I come in?” Javy asks tentatively, knocking on the door softly and waiting to receive permission to enter. When he receives a light mumble in response, he pushes the door open gently, entering the room and perching on the edge of your bed, near the mound in the duvet he knew was you.

“What’s up, Kit-Kat?” Javy asks, a small smile gracing his face when he heard your soft snort at the nickname.

“It was one time.” You mumble, making Javy let out a soft laugh at the memory. He had been babysitting you when you were about five while Jake went to the gym, and you’d somehow broken into the packet of Kit-Kats that were stashed away and got through almost half the packet before Javy had even realised you had snuck off to the kitchen.

“One time is enough to earn a nickname for life, kiddo.” Javy chuckles as your head pokes out from underneath your duvet, your tear-stained cheeks immediately sobering him up and reminding him of what had transpired.

“You wanna talk about it?” Javy then says, his eyes soft as he watches you shuffle to sit up slightly. You hesitate at first, debating on whether to open up or not.

“I know I shouldn’t be upset. It’s not their fault that the weather is unpredictable.” You shrug, downplaying how you’re feeling so Javy doesn’t worry, which was already much too late, he was in mother hen mode.

“It’s okay to be upset. I know you were looking forward to this.” Javy says softly, watching as you shake your head lightly.

“I was only looking forward to it because I was going with my family. I don’t think it would work out as well if I went alone.” You mumble, a few more tears welling in your eyes, giving away how upset you were.

“I could go with you.” Javy suggests, shrugging lightly as the idea comes into his head.

“What?” You question, wondering if you heard him right.

“I know I’m not your dad, and I’m not Bradley either. But I’d be a shitty uncle if I sat around and let you miss out on something like this. I know you bought a dress and everything so I’m more than willing to go with you to this. I even bet I won’t be the only uncle there.” Javy says, watching as you silently debate his words before burrowing into his side for a hug, taking him aback slightly, recovering quickly so he could return the hug.

“You really want to go with me? Did dad put you up to it?” You ask, your voice muffled by the material of Javy’s shirt but yet was still audible to him as he fights back the temptation to gasp in offense at your question.

“Your dad did not put me up to this, this was my idea. Scouts honour, kid. I don’t think you should miss out on a chance to hang out with your friends and have some fun. But it’s up to you, if you don’t want to go, I’m not going to force you.” Javy says softly, squeezing you lightly as you look up at him.

“I’ll go. But only if you promise to take pictures for my dad’s.” You say, a small smile on your face as Javy nods.

“Whatever you say Kit-Kat.”

When the day of the dance had arrived, you had headed back to Javy’s house after school to get ready for the dance and Javy arrived not long after you, getting into one of his suits after showering. He had emailed Jake and Bradley after you had agreed to still attend with him and let them know about the new plan and they were in full support, happy you were still attending. In the last couple of days, they had also said that the weather had cleared up, so they guessed they’d be home soon, although they still figured they wouldn’t make it back in time for the dance.

When you changed into your dress, you headed downstairs to meet with Javy who couldn’t stop the smile crossing his face. He had seen you grow up from a baby to the beautiful teenager you were today. He understood why Jake gushed about you in the way that he did, you were the closest thing Javy had to a kid of his own and every time he saw you, Jake and Bradley he knew he couldn’t wait for the day he had a kid of his own.

“You look beautiful y/n/n.” Javy says softly, giving you a hug once you reach him.

“Thank you, Uncle Javy. You scrub up well too.” You giggle as Javy scoffs with a soft laugh. Javy then takes some photos of you and then the two of you take some silly selfies as well before heading to your school for the dance. You enter the gym that had been decorated beautifully and Javy wastes no time in dragging you to the dancefloor, making you laugh at your uncle’s antics, more than used to them at this point. As you dance, you think about how glad you are that you took Javy up on his offer to go in place of your parents because you were having so much fun. You got to say hi to your friends and their dads and uncles and most of them made a point to pull you aside and whisper to you about how attractive they found Javy which got a laugh out of you. You expected that to happen, especially since Javy was on the younger side compared to the gym filled with mostly middle-aged men. After a bunch of upbeat songs, a slow song comes on and Javy wastes no time in tugging you into his arms, slow dancing with you as every other dad and uncle present does the same with their child.

“Thank you for offering to go with me. I love you Uncle Javy.” You whisper near the end of the song as Javy presses a quick kiss to the top of your head.

“No need to thank me Kit-Kat. It was my pleasure.” Javy replies, looking up briefly and faltering in his actions when he catches sight of two familiar figures entering the gym, both checking each other’s ties before turning and surveying the gym.

“Are you okay?” You ask, pulling away slightly to look up at your uncle who is grinning wildly.

“You might want to turn around.” He says, releasing you and watching as you turn around. At first, you look around, confused about what Javy was talking about until you catch sight of who Javy was referencing and immediately go rushing over to the two.

“Dad! Bradley!” You cry out, immediately flying into your dad’s arms as he reciprocates the hug, and you waste no time in pulling Bradley into the hug too as you fight back tears.

“I thought you wouldn’t make it.” You whisper, clinging to both men as they squeeze you lightly.

“The weather turned out to work in our favour, we had such clear weather we made it home earlier than expected. I’m sorry we’re late baby girl.” Jake whispers, clinging just that little bit tighter to you.

“Don’t apologise, it wasn’t your fault.” You reply, finally pulling away from the embrace and smiling up at them as Jake gently swipes some of your tears away with his thumb.

“May I say you look absolutely beautiful in that dress, y/n?” Bradley says, smiling softly down at you as you thank him quietly. The three of you cross to Javy joining him in the middle of the dance floor and continuing to dance. As you glanced around the gym you noticed a couple of girls sat around the edge of the gym, not joining in with the dancing and watching everyone else with sad expressions. You figured they had come despite not having a prevalent father figure in their life and your heart broke for them so you grabbed the attention of your dads and Javy and whispered something to the three before crossing to the stragglers.

“Hey guys, I noticed you guys looked a little lonely over here. Both my dad’s and uncle are here, and we figured we’d extend an offer for you to join us. You don’t have to I just didn’t want you guys to be alone.” You offer, giving them a kind smile and patiently waiting for their response. You were expecting to be shooed away, and you felt like you may have been overstepping people’s boundaries when it came to a subject that could be as sensitive as family, but the girls smiled gratefully and took you up on your offer. You led them over to your dad’s and Javy and allowed them to introduce themselves. Most of the girls were in the grade below you, so you didn’t know them that well, but you had definitely seen them around school before. You all danced along to the music and sang loudly as you did so, eventually attracting the attention of other groups of people who joined in your cluster. Before you knew it, a large number of those who had come to the dance were dancing with you and your family, everyone laughing and smiling. When the dance ended, the girls you invited to join you trapped you in a tight hug and thanked you quietly for making their night better as you hugged them back as tight as you could, insisting it was the least you could do. You then follow your dad’s and Javy out to the car park and quickly find the Bronco and Javy’s car.

“You head home with your dad’s, y/n/n. You can collect your stuff in the morning.” Javy says, bringing you into a hug which you instantly reciprocate.

“Okay. Thank you again, Uncle Javy. For everything.” You say, cuddling as close as humanly possible as he presses a kiss atop your head.

“No need to thank me, it’s part of my job as your uncle. Have a good night.” Javy says, bidding you and your dad’s goodbye before getting into his car and driving off as you, Jake and Bradley get into the Bronco and begin the drive home. When you reach home, you were more than ready to curl up in your bed and go to sleep and you could tell that your dads were in a similar boat. The three of you enter the house, remove your shoes and head up the stairs to your rooms to get ready for bed. By the time you had crawled under your duvet, Jake, and Bradley, knock on the door and ask for permission to come in and cross to your bedside. You bring them into another hug, grateful they made it back to you.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” You whisper, burying your face in Jake’s shoulder as Bradley runs a comforting hand up and down your back.

“We’re glad too, sweetheart.” Bradley says, pressing a kiss to your temple before both men pull away as a yawn spills past your lips.

“We’ll let you sleep now. We love you so much, my sweet girl.” Jake says, pressing a bunch of quick kisses to the top of your head, eliciting a small giggle from you.

“Love you guys too.” You reply, lying down and burrowing under the duvet as Jake and Bradley cross to the door, whispering one last goodnight before switching your light off and returning to their room as you allow your tired eyes to close, both relieved that your dads are home safe and sound, and grateful for your Uncle Javy who without hesitation offered to take you to the dance. The last thought that crosses your mind before you drop off to sleep is how lucky you are to have the best family in the world.

taglist (comment or ask to be added):

@zbeez-outlet @kaceywithak @tsnelf7 @starkleila @cassadilasworld @shanimallina87 @madstxo @chaoticassidy @padsdarlg @lauraseresin

[aibidil]

we gotta stop telling moms* to learn to ask for and accept help

this is a pseudo-mental-health bullshit way of subtly individualizing a multilayered structural and societal (often classist) problem wherein people in general, parents especially, mothers specifically, and neurodivergent mothers to the extreme, are left to fend for ourselves in ways that are frankly unprecedented in the history of human beings

I'm sure there are people who struggle to ask for help. (I've never been one of them.) What I'm saying is, even if they could learn to, it wouldn't solve anything!

Let's look at the assumptions behind "you need to learn to ask for help!"

That there's someone to ask. Who tf are we meant to be asking? If you live in a culture where families have scattered, you might not have any family nearby. Maybe you're lucky enough to have a partner, but if so, I feel like we can already assume you're asking for help from them, and them from you. (If you're not, that's a whole separate issue.) But often the overwhelm isn't such that an equitable division of labor between two parents can solve the problem. I have one non-partner family member nearby whom I can ask for help, and that actually feels pretty lucky.

That people you ask will agree to help. I recently messaged the entire school community list begging someone to drive one of my kids home on Wednesdays, figuring that many people must be going in that direction anyway and surely someone would be willing to stop the car and let my kid out at the end of my street. When I didn't get any responses from the wider community, I sent a smaller plea to the parents in my kids' classes. Nothing! Nada!

That our problems are such that others can (easily) help. There's a tragic het script that's like "I don't bother to ask him for help because I end up doing more work to get him to help than it would've been to do myself" (and yes that's fucked), but that's not even what I'm pointing to here. There are so many ways that the structures of our society make it so that people can't get help from others. School pickup, for example: most schools have policies that only parent/guardians or someone given prior permission can pick up students. If a parent is unexpectedly in a jam, this makes finding help a lot trickier and probably involves calling the school and trying to grant last-minute permission. Helping a kid with homework, for example: No matter what I do, teachers email/call me. This means that if I assign this task to my partner or some other person, I have to constantly be an in-between who is like, the arbiter of information. Going to the pharmacy: once I went to the pharmacy to help a neighbor with a kid who had been vomiting for 12 hours straight, and it was so difficult. First I had to pick up their insurance card, write down the kid's name, dob, etc. I still didn't know half the answers to things they asked me as I painstakingly eventually managed to pick up this kid's prescription.

That you have money to pay for outsourcing. Often, when it comes down to it, the only way our society seamlessly allows for help is through monetizing the tasks. It's possible to hire housecleaners or a nanny, for example. You can pay for grocery delivery. But (even if you're totally fine with becoming an employer, which I've never been) is that financially within reach for most people? No!!!

That the tasks that are hardest for you are tasks that can be outsourced. With adhd, my biggest chore struggles are getting myself to water the plants and getting myself to fill the pill organizers. These are not the easiest chores to get help with! I mean, even laundry would be easier, as you could chuck it all into a giant bag and hand it over to a service to be washed. But plants? They're all over my house and on different watering schedules. The pill organizers? That's controlled substances (Adderall, baby) and it's confusing with multiple times of day, etc -- who is going to take that on? Even my partner is too worried to get it wrong.

That, even if you have money, the service you need exists. I really want help with food preparation, but I have MCAS and specific dietary needs. Also, I don't want help with dinners (my partner does that) so much as I want help with snacks/lunch. I know what I would make if I had the energy to. There are no services in my area that could help me. I guess I could hire a personal chef, but I can't even begin to afford that and even then, many wouldn't work bc they're not all willing to work with different dietary needs. I tried finding something I could order by mail, but there's nothing that's a great fit and it's all too expensive for me.

The problem is not that moms don't know how to ask for and accept help. Every time we say that, we reinforce the idea that the problem is an individual one, that the fault lies with moms. It's a structural one, and it doesn't. Many of us are well aware of how to ask for help. If we aren't asking, it's because we know it's futile.

*The choice to gender this as "moms" is a conscious one, even though it also applies to some men and nb people. In my view, it really is a gendered problem that overwhelmingly affects women who are mothers. Because of that, generalizing to "people" or "parents" seems to me like it would be watering down the problem, at best, or erasing the gendered component of the problem, at worst. We also shouldn't say "you need to learn to ask for help" to dads, nonbinary parents, and non-parents—but we generally don't say that to those groups anyway! The vast majority of the time, I see this being said specifically to mothers. Moreover, the response that dads get to asking for help is often different. A dad asking for help strikes people as going above and beyond and is therefore more likely to trigger people to actually help him. Think about dads whose wife goes out of town and all these people bring him casseroles. Our society is often really good at giving some help—but only in extreme cases (emergencies like acute sickness or hospital stays, grief, ….a dad alone with kids for some reason, etc), and moms asking for help with mundane things simply does not count as a justification for help in most people's minds.

[ughgoaway]

snowed in // day 9

content warnings; bad writing, mentions of weed, swearing and intense yearning lol

a/n; we're just gonna pretend that days 7 & 8 are posted already and move onto day 9 lol. reallllly not sure how i feel about this one... i think i like the idea but not my writing... idk. anyway, shut up ace, here it is!

word count; 2.3k

(this fic takes place pre-relationship)

12 days masterlist

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“Okay okay… paperwork? Yes. homework from last week? Yup. next week's lesson plan…” you mumble to yourself as you gather the papers from your desk in an attempt to be prepared for the few days at home you were sure to come.

You heard rapid knocking at your classroom door and nearly jumped out of your skin at the noise. Who was here? The headmaster had sent out an email cancelling school today, so you assumed it would just be you.

You swung open the door and were met with two hunched-over figures buried in layers upon layers of coats, but you would have recognised the curls sticking out from the hat anywhere.

“Annie? Matty? What are you doing here?” You usher them in and quickly shut the door behind them. Snow fell off their shivering bodies as they shuffled in. 

Annie looked up at her dad with a scrunched face. Matty's voice wavered as he said, “School?” with a tilt of his head.

“The headmaster sent out an email. It was cancelled today. Didn't you get it?” you say bending down and wrapping Annie up in a hug as she shivers in her spot. Your hands rub up and down her covered arms to try and warm her as you look up at Matty with soft eyes. 

“What!” he said incredulously, furiously pulling his phone out of his pocket. Matty took off his hat and shook the remaining snowflakes from his curls as he checked his emails with wide eyes. 

“Fuck.” Matty sighs and drops his arm to his side, throwing his chin up to the air and taking a deep breath. 

“Daddy! You're not allowed to swear at school!” Annie scolded her dad and moved from beneath your arms to look up at him, her hands on her hips. 

You saw Matty fight a smile before apologising to his daughter, “You're right, munchkin, im sorry.” he pulled her into his side and gave her a quick squeeze. 

Matty cleared his throat and stood up fully. He looked you over properly for the first time and couldn't help but feel his heart warm at your outfit.

You, on the other hand, were mortified. 

You were not in your usual professional clothes, instead opting for an oversized snoopy Christmas jumper that looked as if it was from 1985 and some black leggings. Along with a pair of trainers that had your fluffy socks sticking out the top of them. A red flush was on your nose and cheeks from the cold, or the embarrassment. You weren't really sure. 

After dragging his eyes away from you, Matty looked down at Annie, who was clearly stifling a yawn. Her blinks were heavy, and Matty could tell she was fighting sleep. 

“Okay then, I guess we should get home, sweetheart. we can have some hot chocolate and go back to bed, hmm? How does that sound?” Matty squeezed his daughter's hand as he grabbed it. 

A sleepy nod is all he got in response, Annie rubbed at her eyes before giving you a small wave and walking away with Matty. 

The soft Christmas music playing in the background was interrupted by a loud click, the noise of the radio made the three of you spin your heads around confused.

“Emergency weather report; extreme snowfall is expected within the next hour and all roads in the area are closed until further notice. Please stay where you are until further instruction. Thank you.”

The low hum of Christmas music began again after the warning, Matty began pulling his gloves off and bending to unzip Annie's coat. “well I guess we're staying here for a little bit then, aren't we?” he smiled up at you, almost as if he's asking your permission

A nervous nod was all he needed to start looking for a place for Annie to lay down.

//////

20 minutes and 2 attempted beds later, Annie was sprawled over both your laps as you sat on the floor. 

Matty had tried rolling up his coat as a pillow and letting her rest on the carpet, but the only time she began to drift off was when she was sitting in his lap. Matty shyly asked you if she could lay across the two of you, and you giggled in the way Matty loves and nodded. 

So here you were, Annie snoring across the two of you with her dad's coat draped over her as a slightly awkward silence filled the air. An odd wave of confidence rushed over you, and you decided to try and make conversation with Matty. 

After all, it had been a whole 5 minutes since you heard his voice, so you were pining for it.

“What was your first Christmas with Annie like? She can't have been very old?” you ask quietly, watching Matty as he stared down at his sleeping daughter, smoothing her curls with his hand. 

A sincere smile makes its way across his face before Matty speaks, “No she was only a couple of months old, but it's still my favourite Christmas ever. I was fucking drowning as a new dad. It was just me and her that year too, I was way too scared to load her into the car and drive her up to Manchester." Matty shook his head wistfully at the memory.

"I was at that point in new parenthood where you think everything will hurt them. I think I'd baby-proofed every corner of my house, and if you knew what my house looked like; you'd understand how mammoth of a task that is” Matty lightly laughs to himself thinking back to how extreme he was those first few months.

You think to yourself that you want to know what his house looks like. You want to see all the pretentious art he has hanging and the piles of books you've never heard of. You especially want to see it this time of year. See how he decorates. You don't think he is a perfectionist. You can see him and the boys haphazardly decorating the tree with Annie. Holding her up to place the star on and cheering as she does. Taking group pictures with the tree and all saying “cheese!”

Briefly, you envision what it would be like if you were there. Would he take some of the art down and put photos of the three of you? Would he make room in his wardrobe for your crazy jumper collection? Would the shelves currently full of awards be filled with your knicknacks and candles? You imagine him making a special space on his bookcase for the copy of The Little Prince he got you. 

The book sat in the air between you, neither of you has addressed but both know you want to. 

You yearn to explore his space and see how his brain works. You envision Christmas morning waking up in his arms. Perhaps he’d wake you up softly and slowly, pressing lingering kisses to your neck until you stir. Or maybe Annie would come bounding into your room and leap onto the bed, shocking you both awake. 

You like to think you’d go downstairs and make hot chocolates for you all, Matty would kiss you as you made the drinks, and Annie would be trying to drag him away to the tree. The gift you’d get him would be perfect. You don't know what it would be, but you know just how he would react. If you close your eyes, you can envision the soft smile on his face and the adoration in his eyes. You can almost feel his arms wrapping you in a hug and thanking you.

Soon Matty’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts as he recounts his first Christmas with Annie, “she hated the cold when she was really small, so she always looked like a ball of blankets. all you could see was her pink nose stcking out." matty remembers annie sobbing anytime she felt a cold breeze, so he did the only rational thing he could think of whilst painfully sleep deprived - wrap her in 20 layers to keep her happy.

"The day started nice, and all of Annie's uncles and aunts dropped by. George got her a mini drum kit that she wouldn't be able to use for ages, but he would have bought her a real drum kit if I'd let him. Hann, being the only parent, got me an actually good present, a killer baby monitor.” You laugh at Matty's clear enthusiasm with the baby monitor, and he looks at you with his jaw dropped and a smile on his lips.

“Hey! That's a great present, okay? The year before he’d got me some really good weed, so it was a bit of a jump, but I loved it. Ross got her some really cute 75 baby grows, I had no idea there were so many, but he had got her all the old merch made into little onesies.” Matty starts to feel his eyes fogging up at the memory.

He couldn't connect the girl on his lap now with that baby. It felt like no time had passed, but here she was, a proper little person. 

He continued to speak with a wet voice, the emotions clear in each word he said, “But they all had their own things to do so soon enough it was just us. We just laid on the sofa together. She was on my chest and looked up at me with wide eyes and smiled. For the first time ever. All I could see was the reflection of the fairy lights in her eyes and the massive grin on her face. I smiled back and obviously cried. Every time my smile got bigger, hers did too. That was the first time i knew I could do it. I knew she was always going to be the most important thing in my life. I had kind of known that since she was born, but that's when it really hit me.” Your hand slid over Matty’s, he gave your hand a quick squeeze in appreciation and looked into your eyes. You simply nodded at him. 

“That sounds perfect” you whisper, leaning in ever so slightly. Subconsciously, Matty mirrored your actions. He felt an innate understanding of the way you moved and didn't think before following your every motion.

“It was” he said, resting his head on the wall behind him, and just like Matty had done to you moments before; you copied him.

Silence again washed over the two of you, as it always seemed to do when you were together. But it was a warm silence. It felt like silence between two people who had always known each other. Normally, whenever there was a lull, Matty was fighting to fill the empty air, but with you, he felt no need. 

He was happy enough sitting in comfort with you, studying your face trying to find some new aspect he hadn't seen before. 

This time, he noticed a small freckle at the base of your jaw by your ear. He felt his hand twitch with the urge to stroke your jaw and trace it with his thumb. Despite having only thought of your face for months, he still sees something new each time, something for him to think about when he has to go a few days without you.

Unlike Matty, you couldn't drag your stare away from his eyes. You watched them flicker around your face and analyse it, but it didn't faze you. You thought it was nothing more than avoiding eye contact. But Matty's eyes drew you in each time. You tried to think of ways to describe them. Calling them “chocolate” or “chestnut” fell short. It wasn't the colour that caught you. It was some inexplicable force.

Matty couldn't help it anymore, and as if his hand was separate from his body, he saw it moving from beneath yours to your jaw. He watched his thumb trace the side of your face.  His touch was featherlight, and you shivered at the contact but stayed unmoving.

Your skin was soft and smooth, just like he imagined, and Matty felt his heart skip a beat at the feeling of you leaning into his hands. He watched your eyes flutter closed but soon snap open again, as if you had to fight to keep them open. 

His calloused thumb sliding over your cheek was very unexpected, but you couldn't help but immediately settle into the feeling. You wanted to watch his face and try and catch each micro-reaction he had. You needed to see if he was feeling something, too. Anything. 

But his face was almost blank, aside from the very corner of his mouth ticking up just once. Just when your eyes began to shut on their own, lulled into security by his soft touch. 

You felt goosebumps erupt all over your body when his eyes finally met yours. His thumb stopped its motion on your cheek. Your own hand moved up and covered the hand on your face with your own, just as you had done earlier. 

Both of you softly smiled at the contact, a silent understanding that there was something there, but it couldn't happen. There was some ethereal force drawing you in, but you both knew it needed to be ignored.

Right person, wrong time and certainly wrong place. But you could look, and you did.

Staring. Looking. Gazing. It was all you both felt capable of. 

The radio buzzed to life and made you both jump, Annie grumbled and sat up from your laps, rubbing her eyes tiredly. 

“The official met office advice is to get home and prepare for a cold couple of days. Most major roads have been ploughed and are now safe to drive on. Please ensure you go slow and only travel if absolutely necessary. In other news-”

You blanked out the rest of the broadcast but looked back at Matty with a sad smile. He smiled back and gave your cheek a gentle squeeze before removing his hand. 

Your skin burned in his wake. Scorched by his touch.

[triccina]

The Photograph Part Two

The Sunday morning was pleasant. On the street, people could be seen walking towards the Church of Light. The wind blew like any other sunny autumn morning in Highwind, and the few clouds indicated a day without climatic twists.

In the smallest workshop in the neighborhood, the girl and her mother shared a common goal: to try to finish their academic tasks. Lua's homework was so boring, and the girl had just woken up, a perfect recipe for getting distracted by any noise or smell that entered the place. The woman, on the other hand, was about to light a cigarette, even knowing that it would teach her daughter a bad habit. Aimê resisted with all her might, but felt that without the right fuel, her new article would not be completed.

The builder observed the pair and prepared a cup of black coffee for the woman and a glass of milk for the girl. He served them and received smiles from both.

"Thanks, Max!" Aimê thanked. "Before I forget, I saw the mail arrive today. Can you check if my Atara professor sent me the files I asked for?" The man made a disdainful expression. "I'm making Bamboo Papaya with Egg-on-Top for dinner," concluded the woman with a friendly smile.

The builder's and the girl's eyes sparkled, already dreaming of the day's dinner.

Max went to the mailbox and took out the letters. Bills, guild messages, and some cheerful messages from friendly neighbors. The last letter in this stack made the builder's heart race! Addressed to him from Sandrock. He turned the letter, expecting to see the sender's name. And like a wind bringing good news, the name Howlett made the man smile.

His thought was interrupted by the commotion in the workshop; Aimê was in a fit of laughter while Lua, with a pencil above her upper lip, imitated Max's rival. Not even the man could withstand the comedic scene.

When he approached the two, everyone tried to stay serious.

"Look what arrived!" The man showed. The woman smiled, and Lua, without much restraint, replied.

"Oh, your ex-boyfriend from Sandrock!" Max looked at her with a gaze.

"We never had that kind of relationship..."

“Don't bother him, dear, he was anxious waiting for this letter." Lua looked at Max as if apologizing. The builder just messed up the girl's hair. "Let's open it now! It got me curious."

Without much interest, Lua took a leaf and started playing with Deimos, who walked around the workshop looking for food until he reached the small lake. She showed the leaf to him and took it out of his reach, starting to annoy the turtle.

Max opened the letter and began to read. Aimê hoped he would read it aloud. A bit embarrassed, he began,

"My dear friend,

How have you been? Things in Sandrock have changed gradually, unfortunately not for the better. As I said in the last letter, people are increasingly leaving the city, and that hasn't changed. Some hired builders from Email still remain, but I don't know for how long. Something that has changed for the better is our relationship with the Geeglers. The new president is a friendly and sociable creature. Larry agreed to make a deal to leave the city in peace; we are getting closer and closer to living in harmony with mutants, just as you said. Logan thanked you for his sixteenth birthday present; he says it will be useful and a great help on patrols. You never disappoint when it comes to knives and daggers. Don't let Hugo know, but I still prefer to use your dagger than the one he forged for me. I have another big news! I have another boy under my protection now, Haru. He lived in a village in the mountains, but Logan found him on one of his patrols, and we ended up helping him get home. But the village is going through difficulties, so I decided to keep the boy under my care in Sandrock; the family didn't seem to care much, which saddened me. The boy is very intelligent and kind; he will be a great man in the future. I'm sending a photo we took recently.

P.S.: I think your girl's birthday is approaching, wish her my congratulations and give her this amber earring; it will bring her good health.

Sincerely, Howlett."

"He's a very kind man," said Aimê enchanted by the hunter's affection for her daughter. "You should go back and never let him escape again!

“You know, Aimê, I'm one of the best builders of my generation, but I couldn't fix a broken heart," Max replied with a certain pain in his voice.

Aimê sympathized and fell silent. Lua paid attention to the conversation without saying anything, pretending not to care, but deep down, she shared Max's sadness. In her conclusion, love wasn't worth the effort because that's how the relationships around her seemed to be. Max and his mother were an example of how happiness quickly turned into unhappiness, leaving everyone hurt, except those who didn't care. This thought bothered her because it reminded her of her grandmother's words, but perhaps that was one of the few things the two agreed on.

The builder took the photo out of the letter, and his face changed to a soft and genuinely happy expression; he couldn't hold back the sincere smile. Howlett, who had started to show signs of age but still charming since the day they met. The new family member, Haru, a boy with blue hair and gentle eyes. And Logan, who was no longer a boy but began to show signs of maturity, yet still exuded the youthfulness of a teenager. Sheathed was the blade forged by Max. The builder was radiant.

Lua got up, leaving Deimos without the leaf he had been desperately trying to eat; he was losing his reptilian patience. The girl saw the photo and was surprised, as her last memory of Logan was the same as the photograph in the workshop.

"That yellow shirt is horrible," she said with all sincerity. Aimê laughed, surprised by the girl's reaction. "So he's becoming that kind of guy," she said in a lower tone, only Max heard. "But he still looks the same as always."

"People grow, but they're still themselves. I bet he'll say the same thing about you," Max replied.

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's take a picture to send to them too, come on!"

The girl made a disapproving face, while Aimê loved the idea. Max went to get the camera while the girl tried to escape, but her mother intimidated her with just a look, making Lua stay for the photo.

After everything was arranged, they positioned themselves to take the photo. Deimos wouldn't be left out. Aimê held him, but he was restless. Before the automatic shot, Lua tried to calm him, and the photo was taken a second before disaster struck. Deimos, in his opportunity for revenge, bit the girl's finger, who screamed in pain. He let her go immediately, as if he just wanted to teach her a lesson. He even let out a grunt, and Lua seemed to understand what he said, as if it sounded like a "served you right!"

"Sorry, I won't do it again," she replied whining.

3 days later in Sandrock.

The boy entered the house reading the sender of the letter; without questioning, he handed the paper to Howlett, who was having his traditional yakmel milk sitting in the armchair, while Logan set the table for breakfast.

"It arrived from Highwind," the boy said, sitting at the table.

"Thank you, Haru," replied the man. Reading the sender's name, he smiled a little and promptly opened the letter.

"Is it Max's reply?" Logan asked eagerly. Howlett nodded. Logan waited for his father to read the letter aloud.

"My dear Howlett and Logan,

I'm glad to hear the good news. I hope the truce can lead to a good relationship with the Geeglers. I'm also glad to hear about the newest family member. This boy couldn't be in better hands; be good to him and Haru, don't let these two take advantage of your goodwill. They are clumsy with household chores, but they are the best companions you could find. Logan, I'm glad you liked the present; I hope it serves you well in your time of need. I'm also glad to see how you've grown; I'm proud of the man you're becoming every day. I'm sure Howlett shares this feeling too. Lua is also surprised to see how you've changed. Ah, and don't let your pa carry this whole town on his shoulders. I'm sure he's getting more immersed in defending Sandrock and forgetting to take care of himself, so take good care of him, please, do it for me. Lua said she loved the present and thanked. She doesn't usually wear these feminine things, but as soon as I gave it to her, she put it on. And by her expression, only confirmed her words. Aimê was also grateful for remembering Lua's birthday and sent greetings. I sent a photo with the letter.

I miss you.

Sincerely, Maxwell."

Taking the photo out of the envelope, Howlett was confronted with the image of his old companion with the girl and the woman he welcomed into his workshop. His eyes were tired, but he still maintained his youthful and confident demeanor. The girl had a joyful expression, trying to appease the visibly irritated reptile. She wore the earring she had received. The young-looking woman didn't seem her age, but she had serenity, even with the surprised expression of holding the agitated reptile.

"He's without a hat," Logan said, looking directly at the turtle.

"Why would the turtle wear a hat?" Haru asked.

"Why not?" replied the teenager. The boy decided not to question it.

"He seems happy, doesn't he?" Howlett asked himself aloud.

"Pa?"

"It's nothing."

The teenager noticed the bitter tone in his father's voice but didn't question him further because he too had his own thoughts. Logan looked at the photo again, noticing the smiling girl. "It's good that now you have someone waiting for you at home," he thought while a smile escaped onto his face.

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

[andorerso]

Rebelcaptain Trees for @pfirsichspritzer: College AU

Jyn’s late.  Of course she is.

All semester, she’s been trying to be a good little student, showing up to class on time, turning in her homework when it was due, finishing her required reading even if it meant staying up until two in the morning, studying for tests and pop quizzes and presentations, and this is what she gets.

Her stupid alarm didn’t go off, today of all days, and because it was the midterm exam, she couldn’t even say screw it and skip class. Half her grade depends on this stupid test.

Why have the gods forsaken her?

After rushing across campus at breakneck speed, out of breath and wheezing, Jyn finally reaches the classroom, wrenches open the door and —

It’s locked.

What?

“Class’s canceled,” comes a voice from behind her, and Jyn jumps half a foot in the air before wheeling around to stare incredulously at Cassian Andor.

Who’s sitting on the bench next to the door, phone in hand, looking at her with an inscrutably blank expression.

She hadn’t noticed him, but that’s not surprising considering her single-minded focus on just getting to class. Normally, she always notices him. Even when he seems determined to not be perceived. Her eyes always stray to him somehow.

“What?” she says, her voice a little higher, her heart still pounding.

“Draven sent an email. Class’s canceled. Midterm’s next week.”

You gotta be fucking —

Jyn fishes out her phone from her pocket, an annoyed groan on her lips when she sees the email he’s talking about.

“Fucking Draven,” she hisses as she slips her phone back into her pants, too angry to stop herself from bashing their professor. She never really liked the guy anyway, but now it’s personal. Even if it’s technically her fault for not checking her mail.

Is this what she risked almost getting hit by a bus for?!

“He sent it in the morning,” Cassian answers, though it doesn’t seem like he’s defending the man. If anything, he sounds a bit annoyed as well. At least behind that emotionless mask he usually wears.

“I didn’t have the time to check my emails, I was already late. What’s your excuse?”

He holds up his phone, shaking it with a wry little smile. “It went to my spam folder.”

Hah. Technology, right?

“Oh. Sucks.” Though that didn’t explain one thing. “So what are you still doing here?”

“I have a class after this. Just not worth it to go home.”

Jyn hesitates as she looks at him, worrying her lip between her teeth.

Now that she’s no longer terrified to fail the exam (because Draven is absolutely the type of teacher to fail her for being late), her heart rate’s returning to normal, and she realizes she doesn’t really have anything else to do until late afternoon. And here’s Cassian Andor, the guy she’s lowkey liked since the start of the semester, sitting in front of her. Alone.

A golden opportunity, if she’s ever seen one, just falling into her lap.

He probably doesn’t want company. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen Cassian hang out with anybody besides the tall, blonde, square-faced guy who always looks annoyed at everybody (and yes, she’s been paying attention). But maybe she can be one of the exceptions then.

“I can wait with you,” Jyn says, managing to keep her tone neutral. Just a simple offer.

From a girl he hasn’t spoken to more than twice.

This was a mistake, she thinks as soon as the words are out.

Maybe he wants to be alone, maybe he has homework, maybe he wants to read a book —

“Okay,” Cassian agrees, interrupting her spiraling thoughts, and Jyn’s eyes almost go wide in surprise before she reigns herself in. Wait, really?

“Okay,” she echoes because she’s still overwhelmed with shock, and she doesn’t know what else to say.

Cassian stares at her expectantly as she stands there, rooted to the spot and feeling more awkward by the second.

“Are you gonna sit?” he asks eventually, and oh, right. Fuck, she’s an idiot.

“Yeah,” she says, hoping her cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. She slips her backpack off her shoulders to place it on the bench but pauses as another idea hits her. “Or we could go grab a coffee. I know a great place not five minutes from here.”

“The Rogue?” Cassian’s eyebrows lift in surprise, and Jyn feels her mouth curl into a delighted smile.

“Yeah! You know it too?” It’s a small, cozy coffeeshop that many people tend to overlook. Most college students prefer the bigger, trendier places, but Jyn’s always like the Rogue because they serve way better coffee than Starbucks, and their prices don’t make you broke.

Plus the owners, Chirrut and Baze, are good friends of hers.

“Yeah, they have great coffee. Although Chirrut keeps trying to set me up with this girl he swears I’d like.”

“Hah,” Jyn snorts, “that’s just Chirrut. He does the same to me. He’s been trying to get me to meet this guy since…” She trails off, and their eyes meet as realization dawns on them at the same time.

A small bark of laughter escapes her before she can help it because it’s just so ridiculous.

Chirrut.

Of course he’d been trying to set her up with the guy she’s been crushing on since the first day of school.

“Huh,” Cassian says, a barely there smile playing on his lips. “Lesson learned then. Always listen to Chirrut.”

[saintirulan]

things from today i loved #4 💓:

japanese classes are going better than expected <3 tho paul (im name dropping him idc), the guy who didn't believe film studies was an actual field of research, was still there so ugh.

but i met t. again and i feel like i really want to become closer friends with him, he seems so cool and smart and chill!!! he asked me about the penis festival dyhsysvsys I hope I get to sit next to him next week!!! and that I get to enroll in the course.... I sent an email to the professor, there were like 80 people for half the spots soooooo

also honestly the film analysis exam sounds so fun and I already have ideas for it!!! brimming with excitement, I missed this feeling a lot <333

also c. gave me a coaster she crocheted for me and like <333 we surprisingly bonded a lot over emotional turmoils and im glad she feels safe talking to me about it <3

also the weather was kinda super bad but!!! i still managed to make the most of my day <3 i did all my laundry, my homework, found a movie i really want to watch, tried out some new snacks (all SO GOOD)

and then a smaller group of six of us (honestly my favourites so far except t. who's in like a whole different crowd duebyshs) went out to eat for dinner and i shared yakisoba with veggies with j. and it was SOOOOO GOOD. and it's right outside campus so we are definitely going back!

we then went to the konbini and i found a new brand of coffee and milk i can try <3 and it also has the cutest label of them all so far. also an italian girl told me they sell a hot version of my fave brand so far with allegedly italian milk in the school canteen so im definetely going to pick it up tomorrow after class!!!

we also agreed we want to do movie nights and honestly. YIPPEEEE k. has been asking more about movies and like YIPPEEEE x2 he doesnt even have bad taste and thats a lot for a straight dude. especially coming from me <333 but today was definetely way too cold. the walk back was FREEZING

but my heart is so full of warmth aaaaaa it came out that im not exactly straight and im glad it was just with them because i still feel very unsafe about it because of TraumaTM but they were so sweet to me 🥹 especially j. he really is so great <333

[inconsideratekidney]

9/5/24

hi there,

today felt long, even though my day technically ended at 1:45, my brain and body haven't felt well-rested since 2008. i will always be forever stuck in my younger self. i had so many american girl dolls, barbies, polly pockets, calico critters, one random strawberry shortcake phase, etc. and i still will forever miss them. my playing days didn't end in 2008, just the last time i probably felt well-rested.

i also wish that i had more mobility in my fingers, hands, wrists, and arms and neck/upper chest because i want to wear so much jewelry but it tends to cut off my circulation when i get hot and sweaty and it all starts to irritate me about halfway through my day. i enjoy wearing memorable pieces of jewelry and whatnot that people give me, i like to wear them every day to think of people, even if they don't match. every few days or so i need to rip them off and get acclimated for a day or so to not having anything obstructing my circulation. then i go back. it's a fun cycle, not a vicious one!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i feel a headache coming on...must be all the sims and constant screen exposure for like 2 hours...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

speaking of which, my homework has been started since i sent that email out! i just also have my mind on other things....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm excited about this direction for my blog! i hope it works out well, even though i know the notifications will be different. if you don't make an account then you can't turn on notifications which is annoying, unless someone knows a better way? i don't want to force people to make an account....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i have found myself making friends with people that i am slightly uncomfortable with? i don't know how to word it, but i feel very overstimulated often with certain people and they seem to enjoy my company, but i am silently screaming. it's hard when someone is loud and does not whisper well when everyone else is quiet or the professor is lecturing and i am just trying not to get noticed......i notice with this kind of acquaintance i typically just go silent while theyre talking and develop lazerbeam eyes that look right through to the other side of them. i find it hard to communicate when im uncomfortable with something or something someone is doing, especially when im not that close with that someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this is me from the future aka the next morning cuz i forgot to finishing writing. i dont want to do 2 day posts, bc that ruins the purpose of what im trying to achieve--once a day every day or every couple of days or once a week. not multiplr days on end. i already write a lot so i cant have multiple days in one post. i can feel myself wanting to start writing more but its only been like 12 hours since i last wrote so im gonna take a cooldown before doing that. (i will say tho sleeping on my back last night actually was so much better than my stomach and i went out like a light and only shifted in my sleep like 2 times)

anyshway, have a blessed day,

kD :p

[protags-fic-blog]

hi! I saw that you have open requests and I LOVE your amnesia headcanons T~T (you do so much for the fandom fr thank u<3) and I wanted to ask for headcanons about the boys when you are having troubles with college (homeworks, stress) and how they would help you ^w^ only if you can of course, again thank u so much<3

ack, this took way to long!! i got sick the day you sent this in and was not in a thinking state. buuuut this did make me very happy, so I did my best making some headcanons for ya!!

———

Shin

Chances are, he’s just as stressed as you are

takes you to a rage room. you beat the crap out of something until you’re both on the verge of crying

Study dates that end in passionate kissing… so most of the actual work is done separately

Shin would do the ‘kisses as bargaining chips’ thing.

when it’s all over, you’ll both lay on the floor for hours

…and then start on summer homework

Toma

ensures you get quiet places to study

Works alongside you to make sure you feel that you aren’t alone in the mess

has written strongly worded emails on your behalf about incorrect grades or getting extensions

Kent

helps you through things you don’t understand

won’t directly help you with your work but will give you tips and tricks to make it go by faster and hold concentration

definitely would speak to the professors about lightening a curriculum for the next students

Ikki

would flat out do your work for you

if you already understand a concept he’d do all the heavy lifting to allow you to focus on projects

he’s definitely got a lot going on as well, but given that he’s on par with Kent’s math skills, I personally think that he’s particularly good at academic work

brings backups of all your important things in case you forget due to stress

Ukyo

hasn’t had to deal with school in a while because of the career path he chose

so he’s absolutely useless with helping with work

similar to Toma, he’d work hard to find good places for you to study

makes picnic lunches so you don’t have to worry about getting hungry while studying

[musubiki]

im ngl noww that you say that you do art as a hobby, im just intrigued by how you are so confident and are able to have the free time to do it as a hobby...

i hope i didnt make a mistake taking art college ;; IM ROOTING FOR YOU TOO! its so luckily nowdays to have a job youre at least okay with but also have some really fun hobby on the side too

to one broke college student to another do u have any advice for future years? i ltrly just started college like 3 weeks ago

aaaa as far as time for the hobby goes, i actually only have that kinda time very recently (like over the summer and this semester).....if you noticed, i kinda dropped off for a year where i mustve only drawn like 10 things??? which is because last year was such a busy year for me in terms of work and courses...but this semester is better because im only in 3 classes: one doesnt have any exams and another im retaking (cuz i didnt pass the summer comp exam for it lol) so its all content ive seen before!! so this semester is a little easier and i can draw a bit more when i dont have homework or on the weekends!!!

as far as advice goes, (im not sure how art school works? or if youre in a normal university just majoring in art?) id say: take a lot of different classes to see what you like! explore different areas, and i think it might also be good to have like.....a contingency plan so to speak. like in my undergrad i got a minor in anthropology and almost got a certificate in accounting just so i had a little more options post-undergrad if the math major didnt work out!! so doing something like that is never a bad idea!!! (my undergrad program had a requirement to fulfill a certain amount of credits outside your major courses, so i used those to explore different things)

also dont be afraid to change if you feel you dont like your current path.....like i mentioned i was an astronomy major in undergrad first, and had wanted to go into astronomy since i was a kid, but found eventually it wasnt for me (i couldnt cut it in physics) and switched to something i wasnt SUPER passionate about, but i was good at it!! which was a huge decision for me and lowkey pretty risky (the fuck do you do with a math major?? everyone i asked they just replied "Oh you can do lots of things!" and never gave me an actual job title)

try to do summer internships if you can! as long as its financially feasible for you, itll make your resume a lot beefier when you graduate if employers/grad school see that you already have several experiences under your belt (and experience compounds on itself-- the more you have the more likely you are to get more!! for example here in my program, if you have more stats and coding experience coming in youre more likely to get more stats/coding assistantships, so you gain even more experience over the person who had no stats/coding experience prior and as a result got sent to be a TA or something. so the person who already had experience gets more experience and the person who didnt falls even further behind :') (me) )

networking is also important!!! since youre just in undergrad, i would recommend starting by talking to professors when you can. doesnt need to be like, going out of your way to go to their office hours and talk stories, but maybe chat a bit before/after class!! ask them how their weekend went, ask a dumb clarifying question!! i got to my current grad program because my professor came to me before class one day and said "I have a friend from [my current program] coming to recruit, you should go meet him." so be friendly with your professors so they get to know you and will pass on opportunities when they hear about them!!

a lot of professors get emails from all kinds of jobs/programs to the effect of "[place] is looking to recuit/hire" and they can pass those your way if youre on their radar!! and lastly work hard!!

(anyway this is advice i have based on my own experiences and what worked for me, it will most likely be different for you!! stay on top of your studies, but also force yourself to rest every so often!! I personally do not do any work on saterdays and try not to on sundays!! so i feel okay working hard the other nights of the week so i have two full days of rest....sacrifice your work-week free time for grades :') sometimes the best thing for your mental health is just getting the thing you dont wanna do out of the way!! good luck in uni!!!)

[that-pissed-off-tolkien-blogger]

Okay so here’s the work update

So, I believe I posted that I got my appendix out earlier this year. That was a whole fiasco with me being in the hospital twice and missing a bit over a week of work. When I came back from work, no one had told me I needed to get doctor clearance to be back even though the person I would have sent it to WATCHED ME LEAVE WORK AT LUNCH FOR EMERGENCY SURGERY! This bitch would continue to be a fucking problem. Anyway, so work made me use all of my leave even though I was like “no don’t pay me I need my leave for something else.”

Fast forward to me putting in my leave for that something else, my study abroad in Scotland. It was roughly a two week study abroad, but I said fuck it I’m gonna stay in London a few extra days after, I deserve it - not that I told work that. I put my leave in and turns out someone is already off at the same time. In my request I put “for mandatory study abroad class”, implying I didn’t have a choice and this leave was happening no matter what. I get an email from that same dumb cunt as before saying “we can’t let you take this, someone is already out then and it’s too long.” I email back with “as per my initial time off request, this is for a mandatory study abroad for a Master’s Program and I have no control over the duration or the time” - corporate speak for “can you fucking read?” So a huff and a fuss later and they allow it because it’s a school thing, but in the meeting about it I am told to my face, in slightly round about words, that if I am off for anything other than illness or something unexpected like a death in the family, I will be fired.

Now, this would not be a problem except for the fact that prior to even being hired at this place my dad had booked and paid for most of the family to go on a cruise - literally everything was paid for including airfare and excursions and it came to around $40k which is basically my entire fucking salary after taxes. So, no way was I going to miss that - ironically I ended up sick and missing half the cruise anyway but that’s a story for later.

Anyway, now I basically have a death sentence over my head. But I keep chugging along with the plan to quit while I’m in Scotland. That’s when work starts getting worse. I was taking three classes at the time, which for a Master’s Program is pretty much full time. I am also working full time and I’m doing catch up work for school after being hospitalized and incapacitated for the second half of the first week of school and the first half of the second week, so two weeks for all intents and purposes. I’m also healing from surgery so I should be resting. Nope, I’m constantly running on 2-4hrs of sleep, which is not healthy normally and an absolutely terrible idea if you’re supposed to be healing.

I’d been doing a bit of homework at work at this time, but mostly saving it for lunch and then the odd small thing during large gaps between patients. Because of the lack of time and pressure I started working on homework all the time between patients. Note, another one of my coworkers was also in school for some kind of a nursing license (LPN, RN idk). So what happens, you ask? Well, I start getting scolded by the head nurse for doing homework. MEANWHILE she and the other nurse were FUCKING HELPING THE OTHER GIRL WITH HER CLASSWORK IN FRONT OF PATIENTS. Double standard much? I didn’t give a fuck so I kept doing homework but the “you better not be doing homework back there” and “are you doing homework” got old real fucking fast.

The end of my semester was in sight so I was under the gun in school and dealing with going in every day to a work environment where I was being treated poorly by the people I worked closest with - FYI the docs? Yeah they were all onboard with me doing homework at work and would say things like “you have to get it done whenever you can”. So finally, I said fuck it. There’s no way I can finish all of what I need to read and do before the end of the semester and go to work if at work during my fucking downtime I can’t do homework - and by downtime I do mean I had done everything in the office I could including restocking and cleaning like I made fucking sure that everything work related that could get done was done. And then one morning I got dressed for work, drove to my mother’s and then quit via email, shut my phone off, and went to sleep on her sofa.

Anyway that’s if. If anyone has questions or needs elaboration on something lmk. Anon is always on.

[the-foolish-scholar]

Strength

Okay so I actually designed the card above myself! I was sitting in a lecture and heard my professor share the proverb that’s on the card and I got inspired to make it. One day, I will design my own deck, but I’m in no rush to complete that project. Anyhoo, The Strength card is the ninth card of the Major Arcana. In traditional depictions of the card, we see a woman controlling a powerful lion. The woman is dressed in a white robe, representing her purity of spirit. The robe is accompanied by both a belt and a crown of flowers which remind querents of the beauty and balance of nature. Above the woman’s head rests an infinity symbol, symbolizing her infinite potential and wisdom. The woman controls the lion not by force, but by compassion and care. She looks down upon it with a warm smile, petting it. This imagery teaches us that we may tame our passions and channel the energy from them into achieving our desires. Not with force or coercion, but with emotional strength, trust, and patience.

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Earlier today (I started writing this yesterday, I’m too lazy to edit it) I had my first class through the University of El Salvador. I will continue to have class on Saturdays up until late October as I was invited to participate in this certificate program being held by faculty from a few different departments at the national university. God willing, I will have a certificate in the political history of El Salvador in about seven months. I’m extremely thankful and I’m still in shock that this is happening.

I never planned on enrolling in a formal course while I was here, nonetheless a certificate program! But, I came across this post on Facebook advertising the program and it piqued my interest:

I tried to fill out the form to apply but it was already closed due to a high volume of applicants. Accepting my losses, I reached out to the email provided in the post and asked if the coordinator of the program would be able to send me some recommended readings since I would not be able to participate in the program. Within less than an hour, I got a response. They told me that they would gladly share some sources with me—and that if I wanted, they could potentially share them with me as a student in the class! They reopened the link so that I could apply!

I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe how much luck was on my side. I quickly filled out the form and sent an email back thanking them for giving me the opportunity.

The next day I got a message telling me I was accepted. I was over the moon but also a little bit nervous to now have this new responsibility. The coordinator of the program sent me the link I needed to access the course along with my log in credentials. They also filled me in on the structure of our first class so that I would be prepared. I expressed how I worried about my language abilities impacting my ability to perform well in the course, but they assured me that I would get the hang of academic talk as time went on and told me to not worry. It’s like I’m taking a political science class but all in Spanish… A challenge, but one I’m up for!

On the day of class I logged on with a cup o’ joe and a sticky note with a meticulously edited blurb I intended to read to introduce myself to the class with. The faculty began to introduce themselves and discuss the importance of the program. After they all had introduced themselves, the coordinator of the program began their presentation.

I was so thankful to have the slides, as they spoke so fast. This is their second time running this program and boy is it comprehensive. The course’s methodology is made up by live lectures, pre-recorded lectures, auditory and visual media, and readings. As students, we’ll be expected to work in groups and hold debates in class. And, we’ll be expected to complete homework, which I believe to be short essays, along with a final project. If I’m being honest, I have no idea how I’m going to do it all. I just know that, somehow, I will.

There are seven units. The first is a general overview of El Salvador’s political history along with an analysis of Salvadoran society. From there, we’ll learn about the origin of the territory and the lives of the first peoples in the pre-Columbian era. The third unit covers the colonization of the indigenous from their perspective, which I am really excited to learn about as history rarely represents such perspectives—like the quote on the tarot card I designed explains! The course will then go on to cover Central America’s independence and the construction of the Salvadoran state. In the fifth unit, we’ll take a deep dive into the structure of the coffee republic and the peasant organizing that took place in response to the oppression during the time period (for more details on this, refer to my post titled The Magician). We’ll then learn about the military dictatorships and the civil war, closing out the program discussing the post war period, neoliberalism, and contemporary politics.

After we finished learning about the course, it was time for the students to introduce themselves. I had done so many mindfulness exercises to try and stay calm but the nerves kicked in. I was so afraid of fucking up. The coordinator of the program called out names and I kept wondering when it was going to be my turn.

About halfway through, they called on me. I felt like I was going to die. I turned on my camera and microphone and spit out what I had prepared. It was definitely far from my best (albeit more regular) pronunciation, but nevertheless, I did it. I’m pretty sure everyone could tell how nervous I was, but I tried my best to appear like I was relaxed. I’m the only non-native speaker in the class after all!

We were supposed to bring up a historical figure that we were interested with/that we identified with and I brought up Patricia Puertas, a peasant organizer and martyr who knew Rutilio Grande (the first priest to be assassinated for speaking out against injustice). Faculty were impressed with my reference of her, which made me feel proud of myself, as she’s one of the lesser known figures in Salvadoran history. Below I've included a collage that was made, with all of the historical figures that were brought up by my fellow classmates:

I know about her because a theologian who’s work I’ve read mentioned her and because last year when I was here on a delegation with CIS, we went to a meeting with a group of organizers that named their group after her.

I never felt more relieved to turn off my camera and my microphone in my life after I was finished speaking. I hadn’t been in a situation where the pressure was on like that in quite some time. I thought about how all of the international students that I’d met at Miami went through the same thing; and I felt so much empathy for them in that moment. What a stressful way to get an education!

But, I did it once, so I can surely do it again. I’ll get more comfortable and I’ll get better at speaking like an academic in Spanish sooner rather than later.

I think that it’s just frustrating because while I have all of this knowledge and things I want to express I have a limited capacity for saying it in Spanish, which I assume makes me come off as unqualified and less intelligent than I actually am. But people ought to understand that, and if they don’t, well I don’t care what others think of me that much at the end of the day.

Participating in this is also a good way to dip my toes into continuing my education abroad, as I’m considering getting my masters either here or in another Latin American country. If I choose to go down that route, having this experience under my belt will surely help me be more confident and capable down the line.

While I’ve been jumping all over the place in terms of next steps, I’m pretty sure that I want to pursue a masters in sociology (and eventually a doctorate, fingers crossed) keeping a focus on religion and social movements.

After class got out I kind of just lounged around. I watched Succession and I read for pleasure. I was really tired so I kept dozing in and out of sleep. I wanted to go out but I was too worn out.

Today, as it is now Sunday, Palm Sunday to be specific, I woke up early. At 5:00 AM. I went to mass with the Italians and my landlord at 6:00 AM. There was such a huge turn out. I was surprised to see so many people that early. I cannot imagine how big the crowds got at the later masses. The Italians participated in a procession outside, but I chose to stick with the landlord and we attended mass inside of the church.

We bought palms, or ramos, from vendors on the street and then grabbed a spot in a pew near the back of the church. We got pelted with holy water which gave me the boost I needed since I had not had the chance to drink any coffee beforehand. I noticed that all of the religious figures in the church that were not Jesus, except for a portrait of Saint Romero, were covered in purple cloth. I didn’t realize that was a tradition and I’ll be spending the rest of the afternoon looking into the ritual and its purpose. The homily was rather traditional, but the priest did condemn economic injustice. After communion was passed out, we dipped, getting back home a little after 7:00 AM.

I lounged around in bed for a bit. When the Italians came home we briefly discussed the differences in homilies between both of our masses. I was running out the door to head to a café to write this post and conduct some secondary research but I was intrigued by where the conversation was heading. We agreed to discuss more later. And that’s pretty much it when it comes to what I did this weekend?

I had a delicious traditional breakfast complete with scrambled eggs with ham, refried beans, cheese, plantains, and bread. The coffee at this place I’ve been going to never disappoints either. It’s cheaper than any of the chains and they give you a good portion. I’m cashing out here and then I’m gonna sneak into a hotel pool nearby.

Oh, also, when I was at the UCA on Monday I was a guest speaker in Tizziana’s classes. In her beginner class I discussed why I had decided to learn Spanish and then I encouraged them to speak without fear of making mistakes, as it’s better to make a connection and share one’s perspective than to sit in silence. In the upper level class we had a more in depth discussion about language exchange and life in the United States. Tizziana had to leave the advanced class early but I stayed with the students and that’s where the fun really started. Let’s just say that I’ve given them some new vocabulary and gained a fair amount of followers on Instagram. And I also got to teach both classes some mindfulness exercises!!!

Okay, I’m signing off. Thanks for reading! I hope you all had a great weekend.

Z

[artleaguemdcnorth]

Drawing Class First Day of Class- 1/23/2022

Drawing class,

Happy New Year and welcome to the start of the Spring semester.

We are begining a return to in person learning, this class will be meeting in room 5204 , second floor of building 5.

I am going to give students the first week of class to buy all class materials. You will be using class time between Monday after we meet,  and Weds to complete the purchase of all class materials. 

On Wednesday, students will also engage in an asynchronous assignment that involves watching some videos and posting a reflection post to your Tumblr portfolio.

A class syllabus was emailed to you on Friday along with a welcome letter.

Make sure you begin to review it before our in person meet tomorrow at 9:40am..

On the first week of school,  students will be given class time to complete several tasks required to have a sucessful semester.

During the in person meet tomorrow, we will review the class syllabus and class requirements together as a group.

Please check your email for these documents that have already been sent to you, bring your own copy to the class.

Once I dismiss the class, students will be required to do several things on the first day .

These tasks are as follows:

1) Create a personal Tumblr and Twitter account for class. 

Make sure you use a last name and first name initial, the class you are taking (art1300C),  your year in school , your educational pathway. 

You will then include a  quote from your favorite artist in the bio.  

See below an example from a previous student:

2) Look up my twitter handle @Prof_AFresquet , follow it then send me a **tweet with your tumblr and twitter info. 

**You will respond to a tweet I will send at the start of class for today ( 1/23/23) with a brief introduction and include the following:

a) Year in school (freshman, sophomore )

b) Art or  Art education pathway

c) A quote by your favorite artist with their name.with the following information

3) Students will go to the school library to check out a book as stated in the welcome letter. You will post a copy of your book with a favorite quote of your artist.

4) HW- Working in any material available to you, draw three boxes in the following manner in three different papers :

a) Front rectagular box

b) ¾ view of square box

c) All three boxes in the same page as you see below.

Place boxes in a similar format as seen below:

On Wednesday during class time, students will be given the opportunity to go and buy the following  class materials:  

*sketchbook bound 8 x 11 or slightly bigger _X__

*Soft charcoal sticks (also known as willow)  _X__

*Charcoal pencil set ( the set usually comes with the eraser below)  __X_

*Kneaded eraser. _X__ 

*Newsprint pad 18 x 24 _X__

*Drawing or Foam board to hold 18 x 24 drawing pad.__X_

*Black Higgins or China Ink. __

*Brushes for ink ___

*Sketching Knibs to work with ink. ___

* Bristol paper 18 x24 ( 100lbs ) ___

You can find most of these items at :

Michael’s

Blick’s Art

Artists Warehouse

Jerry’s Arterama

Walmart 

Target. ****  

See below examples of materials you will be purchasing.

Students will use the class time on Weds to complete the purchase of all class materials. 

Homework On Weds:

 Watch the videos above this post (all three videos.) Students will then write a reflection post regarding what they learned form the videos. 

a) What inspired you most about these artist.

b) How you can put what you have learned about their life  to work for you as a student artist. 

Post all assignments from Monday and Weds on your class portfolio by 5PM Friday . 

Make sure all the materials are in hand for in person class on Monday 1/30 /23 at 9:40am.

[officialkatie]

just putting a long vent under a read more (i hope)

i should have guessed that after a week of sleeping well (bc sick) i wouldn’t be able to sleep. also i hate my monday class. i have 10 left but god at what cost its completely unbearable and the professor is one of the reasons i dont want to teach anymore. how could you say to people going to school to be a teacher “youre gonna be so stressed and good luck bc it sucks”

i know i dont want to be a teacher anymore and im finishing my degree to get the job i DO want. but at the same time i dont want any job. i hate working. how do people do it. how has my high school italian teacher taught in the same place for 51 years and still going? how does he not feel defeated? i havent even started a Real Job yet and i hate it. i havent had a moments peace or a day without something looming over me since ever. since at least before covid. but then that added ANOTHER thing to loom over me that will never go away.

i hate that i have to have a checklist in my mind of all the things i have to do before i graduate. it should be easy!

-finish classes

-student teach

-get certification

but its NOT that easy. bc in order to finish classes thats this semester. thats 10 more sucky mondays with an awful professor in which i also have to observe 15 hours at a school (on top of the 100 required hours i already did, im not currently in a school and i didnt know about this and we were all so pissed and just another reason i hate this professor), 1 more week of incredibly intensive classes which GREAT! more time for the stinky class. 9 more tuesdays bc the schedule is so weird, all while working part time and doing homework and figuring out student teaching and having personal responsibilities and a relationship and maintaining my health. its no wonder im sick. then once the semester is over its work work work. bc i cant work while i student teach. no break for katie. i have to focus on holidays and pretending to care about people who cant even remember my birthday. its not that hard to remember. i remember all of yours so whats up with that. then i go to orientation for student teaching and then i do it. i dont know where yet! bc i have to email the man who’s been screwing me over every step of the way (another thing for the to do list). and once a week while i student teach i go to a seminar class. a new update to the academic schedule means my class could end at 10:40 pm. who does that. i live an hour away from campus. if my class ends at 10:40 im going to fail. then i do that for “75” days (in quotes bc there’s not even 75 school days in the spring semester yet thats my requirement?) and then i graduate. should be easy peasy. then i go to the real word and back to my part time job while i look for real job so i can move out and live with the one person who gets me and doesnt make me feel bad for living. and we’re gonna have a great life together but thats another to do list. find an apartment find a job move pay rent pay utilities try not to kill yourself make friends even though you’re socially inept ever since leaving college and your social life is in shambles. eat healthy.

im literally a mess and im so congested and i hate not sleeping and this is just making it worse. i have james taylor in my head and my stomach hurts so bad bc i ate like shit today. i wish i could turn off my brain and i tried using headspace app and thats another thing. i updated my student status and they sent me a confirmation. yet charged me for full price. and you cant even unsubscribe yourself. you need to email someone and so i did and they sent me back “we got ur email! sorry we’re taking so long:(((“ and charged me with a full smile on their stupid faces. if i can figure out how to rip from that app you bet your asses i will

i really need a break.

i feel so bad getting this degree and its not bc im wasting my own money. my parents are paying and they’re so supportive and dont care that id rather do something education-adjacent and my boss at my part time job says she’d be so happy to have me while i figure my shit out after graduation. all i have to do is drag my lifeless body across the stage at graduation. i have a part time job after that and i wont be tackling things alone after that. i have good references and im qualified for the job i want. all i have to do is get there but its SO HARD and i can’t stop thinking about how much its going to take to get me there. its like looking at a number line. sure YOU see the whole number integers but to me there’s a universe in between 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5. im trying so hard to not get caught up in those universes but man does that take brain capacity i do not possess.

if i have to work forever into an endless oblivion im going to hit myself in the face with a brick. i love having days off and going to museums and walking through the park and going around to coffee shops and record stores and just enjoying life. if my quality of life enjoyment is diminishing NOW what will it be like when i have to go to work every day instead of having off two days a week for school and to catch up on life?? am i doomed to be boring and hate life?? how can i live if i cant LIVE? (2 am drama,everyone.) the thought of taking “personal days” seems like hell to me. i just dont want to work on a schedule like that. i can give 10000% at work its been seen its been done but i control the schedule right now. take that away and it’s over

at least my dog barking at 2 am did not wake me up. i am already up sir and i feel like my butt is on fire. and my legs are so restless.

and another thing? he’s barking bc my sister is coming home. ever since she moved back home things are worse for me. she’s so messy and i am so not and it really gets under my skin and overwhelms me. and she is inconsiderate of other people and takes my stuff. why do i have to parent my older sister. doesnt she know she’s building up my resentment for her. i dont want to spend time with her and my mom looooves to guilt me about it bc of her relationship with her sister. but then she and my dad go and mumble under their breath about how they cant wait for her to finish her masters thesis (not gonna happen,im gonna graduate with my masters before her and she’s two years older than me and has been working on thesis for 3+ years now) and leave bc she’s turning our house into a trainwreck. why cant she just live with her boyfriend who is (to me) deadbeat. nice guy but like i dont even know what his job is? is there one? (also not fair to him bc the standards for partners in my family have been set verrry high: see above future roommate. he is universally adored while sister bf? jury is still out. also i maintain that my sister is a homewrecker. i guess both figuratively and literally at this point.)

anyways my tumblr is getting laggy so i guess thats my sign to end this. im sure that i will not sleep.