#I have solutions for that using voice but I've been mocked/judged by my family before for my writing and I'm afraid of them overhearing

[liedownquisition]

SO,

which of those fics you’re hiding away appeals to you the most?

AND, what do you believe are the specific obstacles between you and figuring out how to finish it? if it’s a lack of foundation, what specifically is lacking in the foundation? if it needs more research, what would you need to research? if you’re not in the right mindspace anymore for the story you were telling, how has your mindset matured between then and now?

I think this is the first time I've had a legitimate and decent question in a really long time and honestly for that I'm going to give you a bit more information than you asked for bcs you've given me and Excuse.

First off, I'm going to give you info abt more than one, bcs asking which one "appeals" to me the most is like asking me to pick a favorite child, specifically the ones I have the most regrets about:

(This got super long I'm sorry)

(FE3H) A Study in Late-Onset Emotional Responsiveness - This is abt Byleth but in particular abt their response to *spoiler*'s death from a 3rd person perspective. I favor GD so it's from Claude's. The reason this makes the list is bcs while it's not as large as some of the other fics, it has what I think is one of my absolute best written little idk, metaphor isn't exactly what I'm looking for, but there's a poetry to it that just, I think it's good. I think it's real good.

(PJO) Love and Dying, Per the Sea - Not-really-Percico Hanahaki AU abt overcoming self-destructive loves and growing with it and growing against it. as much as I want to continue it, fandom climate grew in such a way that I was uncomfortable writing for characters in this age bracket/the age range of the target demographic. Also, I'd have to decide if I want to make it have a shippy endgame or not. Which again, Fandom got to be such a way that I got nervous about touching on any of that...

(DCMK) Bindings Between Us - Kaishin fic series centered around books and libraries. DCMK is... a fandom that has always been *good* to my fics and they're the one fandom that I contemplate writing for the most bcs of the validation they give me. This fic I would need to do a lot of research on esp mystery and heist novels since the "prequel" is abt them making sassy comments at each other via book exchange. there are two other prequels that I had ideas for/started to write but there's a decent bit of it that *relies* on the history of the book exchange, for that *and* the sequel. but also just, hm, i feel like outside of the prequel I don't feel as much direction in it (Note, you would not believe how many other DCMK fics I've got plotted out in my gdocs. Major fics even. The biggest roadblock to *all* of them is largely that either they need to be casefics, which I sometimes am not the cleverest at *making* puzzles even if I love solving them, or that there needs to at least be some degree of references to cases/heists to make it work.)

My writing has definitely matured a lot from my DCMK days, and I wonder if I could really manage to not make things... sound like they work together I guess. I like to think my character portrayals have gotten more in-depth and human, but in particular a lot of that means mess. I love mess, but not SOLID mess. like. Dynamic mess where people have flaws and hurt each other but work on it, or sometimes they just accept those flaws are going to hurt but they love someone enough to deal with it bcs it's not toxic - or, sometimes, it is toxic and it's about learning when to leave each other mutually even though it hurts but at least you had each other for a while - enough for it to have been good, enough before it became something bad. People are different and aren't going to agree. It's making the broken pieces of each other fit even though sometimes those pieces really really don't want to.

(TPP) Courtly Affairs - SpaceFae. Just... SpaceFae. The worldbuilding I have tucked away for this mfer that's never going to see the light of day even if I DID finish it is insane. I'm... so far behind on this podcast that I don't think I could do it justice until I do, but it's gotten *harder* for me to focus on them so it's... a lot. Mostly it's that yeah. well, and also a similar thing to the DCMK stuff is that all three of the fics that are supposed to go in this series are Casefics that build to one overhead case and like, that's a lot of interwoven Plot that I have to do just for character development. Lays down.

(NTWEWY) The Art of Living - this was posted as a oneshot, I'm very content with it, it's not my most popular work by a longshot bcs idc how big the fandom is in general but the dynamics that this oneshot covered are so very Niche that most people won't even look twice at it. "But Axel, this is about stuff you haven't written/posted, why are you talking about something you DID?" because, my friend, it was supposed to be multi-part, and I settled. It was supposed to be abt Josh being a shit who does nice things in the meanest way possible and Shoka calling him out and them roasting each other. But, also, about depression, suicidal idealization, and finding reasons to live for yourself and not just for other people. About finding Yourself when you want the people you care about to find You first and make the whole experience easier. It's a bit... raw, and I suppose that makes me nervous. (I also tried to get back into art/drawing with this one, I've got a picture all laid out for the scene but I can't bring myself to finish it.)

(AA) Unnamed LangWrightWorth - I have to confess that this one is actually the least planned out one. At least, not in the way the others are. Like? in the other ones (not counting the oneshot)? I've got several files of JUST notes and keeping track of things and Chapter Breakdowns. this one is just some rough backstory then some word vomit and a vague direction of where I wanna go with it/events I need to happen that I haven't notated outside of that One File. But it's got so much flavor. honestly? I think the biggest obstacle here is my brain is not fixated on this fandom rn.

Now we're in to my most recent fics in my Current Hyperfixation.

(DC/Batfam) Peggy Sue Me for Trying to Make Things Right - Jason Peggy Sue via deus ex machina. He recruits Tim as his civilian confidant and gets more than he bargained for. Most of the terrible stuff is canon in the original timeline with some concept-specific causes. I have arguably about 13+ batfam things but some that I feel more strongly like "oh I wish I could write and share this" and this is one of them. The main reason I do is bcs, well, you would not believe how many batfam fics I've read in the past…. idk, 6 months? I've gone through and read the majority of several major tags. a number of fics I've read more than once. This fic is one I really love the idea of but also am the most afraid of doing bcs there are dynamics in the fandom that I don't quite agree with. I tolerate many of them, but I don't agree with them on a legitimate basis. This fic has some *incredibly specific* dynamics in it, and those dynamics are messy. But, like, Human Messy. These people aren't inherently bad or good but sometimes they are Deeply Wrong about how they interact with each other and what they choose to do no matter how Noble they may try to be. This one is also a lil bit of a case fic. I worry about my ability to keep the plot from dragging as I air out the dirty laundry of every character involved.

(DC/Batfam) Essential Vigilante Guides -Jason Todd-centric. Utilized my highly specific Jason Todd's Bio family backstory that I thought was fun. Jason doesn't have a lot of canon friends from his Robin days and this fic doesn't exactly fix that - it's about him compensating for not having peers of his own by chatting up the only people he is around enough to build a relationship with: Villains. This right here is legitimately THE main fic I was referring to when it comes to having things plotted out to be honest, because each one that I think about maybe possibly sharing just kinda makes the feeling bigger. 3 seven-chapter fics either 3 oneshots or a single collection of those (and possibly other) oneshots to cover some gaps. the biggest issue here? Situations. I know what I want to do with the character dynamics. I know my goals for every single chapter. the problem is keeping it jazzy enough to not be some kind of monotonous "It's this situation again but with new character to interact in it!" Especially the second of the multichapter fics. It's... Big. It's intimidating. I don't have a good track record with multichapter fics/series even if this one is basically a bunch of vaguely linear oneshots set to Theme.

My biggest issue overall? Self-confidence. I've been out of the "posting my writing outside my writing discord where my 1 friend who loves me and everything I do can read it" game for so long that I guess I struggle to see value in my work. I struggle to believe that anyone would be interested in it. And, I know, and I fully support the "write for yourself, not anyone else" but the corollary to that is, admittedly, that if it's not for anyone else then why should I show it to anyone else.

IDK, don't get me wrong I love my friends but sometimes I need more support to push me to finish something, and It's been a struggle that I've fallen short on every time I try to get into a new community that could broker that. Not on the part of the community, but on mine. (no I haven't tried getting into any batfam-adjascent communities. I haven't been active in the DC fandom since... not since I used to RP a fanfic-inspired version of Wally West. And RP communities have gotten so much more intense than they used to be.)