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#I just need to vent somewhere and I don't have anywhere else but I can't talk about it with people irl
kalims · 2 months
Note
Hi, there! :D
I don't know if my request will be taken into account but you mentioned that it's okay to try.
I am not throwin' away my shot >:D (sorry my indoor theater kid comes out from time to time)
Type: Headcanons
Reader: Neutral
Scenary: The NCR boys see that a student from Noble Bell College or RSA who has been trying to flirt with the prefect, in a bold move steals the prefect's (first) kiss. How would they react and what would they feel?
I feel like it would be a rollercoaster of occurrences and complete chaos in NCR xD
If my request does not convince you, you can discard it without problems, but if not, take your time and without pressure, thank you 💐🌼✨👍✍️I love your TWST fics they always make me smile .
whisk away
premise. despite your many efforts of evading your seeming admirer, they remain persistent in their pursuit. you've considered just leaving them in the dust without an explanation whatsoever but you're too stunned to process the fact that they've just kissed you without a warning. next thing you know there's a murderous aura approaching.
characters. silver, jade, deuce, kalim, vil
note. you didn't really specify which characters jhshs so I took the liberty of scouring your blog and just put the ones you seem to like ^^ and I kid you not, used a wheel for the other 2 lol (so sorry, was gonna post this earlier but got busy since presentations came up so I only finished now.)
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silver
has a mixture of shock and anger. which is mostly for your sake honestly, he wasn't gonna intervene cause he felt like you would wanna deal with it on your own so he feels the absolute mortification slipping into his bones. if he wasn't fully awake, then he definitely is now!
fully ready to talk some sense into that idiot who has no sense of space, hello?
last time he knew, you weren't really dating anyone. silver would know if you did, cause you both talk practically everyday and a lover would be something he should be aware of... unless you didn't talk? I mean, who else would just kiss you like that?
someone unpleasant. he decides. one look at your face and he knows immediately that it wasn't something you expected as well.
just pulls up with a rare look of anger directed to the student, brows furrowed, shoulders tense and all. everyone's used to the serene, calm look on his features so seeing him look so different probably put off said student so they scampered after a promise made by silver if they dared to stick around.
"leave, or find out what happens if you don't."
gone is the anger *poof* and is fretting over you now. are you okay? do you want him to knock some sense into that idiot? literally tell him anything, order him to do anything, and he'll do it (within reason) my guy is just here for your sake tbh.
kinda gloomy cause damn, that was your first? he wanted both of yours to be first and some grade a hole just decided to shatter all that. it makes him all the more irritated so if he can't have your first kiss, he'll just take your second, and every single other kiss you'll give.
jade
take the murderous aura and multiply it tenfold!!
jade doesn't really need to reach you and make his presence known by a few words cause it seems like everyone but you within 10 feet radius of him is sensing the murderous aura he's emitting. if it's not feeling that, then it's seeing the eery dark smile present on his face.
and he seems to be having a death march towards a specific direction so everybody knows where to avoid atleast. cause it seems like anyone on his path is gonna get trampled and no one likes a messy hall.
student in front of you pales, deluding themselves that maybe he's just heading somewhere behind them to vent out that rage or something but they glance behind and almost piss their pants when there is in fact, no one present near anywhere and he's getting closer.
so... they wanted to live so they just bolted out. an experience with one of the tweels won't be good news, and if jade is the one who has them in his sights... they'll take the head start thank you very much.
with the students face memorized and tucked into a corner of his mind he smiles almost innocently at you when you spot him and strike the most casual of conversation.
well, that's under the guise atleast. he's shooting you subtle questions about that person to which you reply innocently. oblivious to the grave you're digging for them yourself.
oddly enough jade started being strangely affectionate, a hand on the small of your back, maybe on your shoulder, arm, or a pat on your head as gratitude. but he seems to like kissing the back of your hand a lot...
*turns his head in their direction after kissing your hand*
deuce
I'll be perfectly honest. he doesn't really have much of an impact in terms of the intense aura that should have been felt. he looks a normal degree of angry, that's why the person hasn't gotten chased off even with the clear signs that deuce will be swinging a fist at probes.
unfortunate that's exactly what the person does. despite your clear reaction of disgust they still use you to rile up deuce. cooing at him while reaching for you, and chuckling about how they didn’t even know him, nor is it any of his business to interfere between two... lovers?
oh so they wanted to impact? they're gonna get one right now 👊 since it seems like they want to get to know him so bad they can get well acquainted with his fists, you know?
he made a promise to himself not to get involved with these type of mishaps! or at the very least resort to more peaceful methods than using violence as a sort of communication. the guilt eats him up a little but he thinks he'd never stand for someone who would disrespect you so blatantly!
almost comically, he looks like he spouts a pair of ears that of a dog's and turns to you. looking more apologetic compared to the fiery look he had a second ago, if he had a tail it would be tucked between his legs out of shame or something.
"I'm really sorry," he says. sulking. deuce apologizes to you, not for his choice of knocking out this random in the middle of the street but because of the fact that he did it in front of you. (also he's kinda jealous...)
if asked, he can, and WILL do it again.
don't blame him though! discreetly whisks you away to grab a bite. having literally no regards to the body looking like it's soul got knocked out laying, and looking out of place on the ground. maybe someone will check on them but definitely not him, they deserve it!
kalim
gasps loudly. "noooo!"
which is like a public proclamation that seeing that did everything but please him. which also means he's basically admitting he's jealous in an indirect way, might as well just say he likes you or something (he probably will if asked because he thinks it's nothing worthy of hiding.)
bounds up to you asking who that is quite loudly to the point where it would seem like he just stumbled upon you cheating on him. it doesn't help that he actually looks sad, teary and all. jamil is off, having paused in his trail since he was previously chasing the boy who ran off.
now he isn’t sure if he wants to get involved now. this is so embarrassing.
lowkey other student would just look back and forth to you, then to kalim. the latter in question unintentionally ignored his existence to be honest, since he was too busy shaking your shoulders and probing the answer of you.
"why would you kiss a stranger...?" he trails off, you did answer. kalim is genuinely wondering to himself if it was that easy cause damn, he scratches his head. that made no sense (says the guy who is making no sense.)
he makes it so obvious that he's pondering with the finger under his chin, eyes lost pointed at the air and the unnecessary loud humming... at this point the atmosphere became more awkward because you and the student is staring at him in bewilderment.
drag him off please, and explain it to him elsewhere. public is NOT a good place. so instead of him saving you out of a situation like this, you save him? talk about being built different...
vil
what in the sevens... he surely hopes his eyes are working correctly lest he needs contact lens, or glasses for that matter. either way he'll positively be as beautiful as he ever was.
although he's very pleased that someone notices the extent of your beauty, there are... other ways to express fondness admiration for you, and vil just can't respect someone who doesn't seem to have any shame for themselves for pressing on boundaries.
so this... fool clearly is a mere taint on your image!!! rid of them immediately! you needn't dirty your pretty mouth, rook does love cleansing the world of dirt like them so it's for the better good if they just never dare to appear to your face ever again.
what better way to hurt someone than aim for their pride? *trash talks so good about their attitude that they actually be pondering their life choices*
don't get him wrong. he doesn't like them, like at all. vil can full well do more damage by nit picking details about them they probably aren't even aware of but he'd never willingly give another person a reason to be insecure about themselves, even if they did terrible things.
plus, there's better ways to teach someone a lesson. they'll learn.
who wouldn’t be scared of an angry vil? they scampered away pretty quickly from a few words, even quicker when he mentioned rook but it's their problem to be paranoid whether the hunter is following them or not to be honest.
frets over you right after. living the dream.
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lovelyjj · 1 year
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Hola! If you're accepting requests for Outer Banks, could I request a JJ Maybank x-reader? Where Y/N is having a bad day and JJ (best friend or boyfriend, you decide) takes her out on the boat to make her day better. He plays Y/N her favorite songs, serenading her to see a smile on her face. Just a bunch of fluff with Y/N venting to JJ and him being there for her. Thank you!!!
My Girl
jj maybank x reader
a/n: sorry this is terrible.
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You were having the worst day possible. You were late to work and your boss yelled at you. Mentally you were feeling terrible. To top everything off you got in a fight with your mom and she said some pretty harsh words.
You decided that it would be nice to head over to the château to see if any of the pogues were around. You needed to get away. You needed space and time away from your mom and your room.
The walk there was relaxing as it gave you time to think. Feeling right at home you entered the château calling for John B.
"John B!" You yelled.
"John B!" You yelled again.
"Hey Y/N I'm right here." John B spoke from the kitchen.
"I'm just cleaning up from last nights party." John B stated.
"Oh that's right. How was the party?" You questioned. You were invited but you couldn't go because you had work.
"It was good. Good turn out." John B replied.
"JJ is around here somewhere."
"Oh Ok I think i'm gonna chill outside for a while." You stated.
With that you walked outside. You could feel your emotions getting the best of you at the mention of JJ. It brought up the fight with your mom. You could feel yourself start to tear up and you were getting frustrated.
You walked to the edge of the dock and sat down near a pillar. Everything from the day seemed to pile up on you and you couldn't take it anymore. Your mental health have been neglected. As you sat there overlooking the marsh you finally let your tears fall.
You didn't want to be crying. You felt weak but It just all came out. The day you had was awful and you have had enough.
Within minutes JJ was outside and sitting down next to you on the dock.
"Hey sweet girl." JJ spoke.
"Hi." You sniffled then let out a chuckle, embarrassed that he was seeing you in this state.
"Can I ask what's wrong." JJ voiced.
"I just um am so tired of feeling this way." You shared.
"I um just having a really bad day is all and i'm just mentally exhausted." You continued.
JJ sat there listening intently to every word you said. He pulled you into a bear hug and you cried into his chest. JJ rubbed your back and whispered words of reassurance.
You lifted your head up from buried in his chest and wiped your eyes.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't be burdening you with this."
"No worries angel. I want to be here for you." JJ muttered. 
You sighed and gave him a smile as a thank you.
"What else." JJ added. He could tell that there was more on your mind.
"Well I might get fired. I had a fight with my mom and she thinks I shouldn't be hanging out with you."
You paused as tears started to well up in your eyes again. The thought of not being with JJ made your heart physically hurt. A couple of tears rolled down your cheeks.
JJ delicately took hold of your face and swiped under your eyes, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.
"Why not." JJ responded calmly.
"I don't know. She wants me to hang out with kooks. She says your bad news." You stuttered
JJ scoffed. "She's full of it."
You wiped your eye and nodded.
"Yeah maybe so but I can't be without you." You hiccuped.
"You won't be angel." JJ soothed.
"I hate her." You cried.
"Listen y/n. Your mom's opinion of me doesn't matter. She can't keep me from you."
"She's not gonna take you from me. I won't let her." You voiced.
"I'm not going anywhere baby." JJ stated.
JJ looked at you tears streaming down your face and he knew he had to do something.
"Wait here." JJ stated as he got up and retreated to the château.
"Where are you going!" You called but it was too late his figure already disappeared inside.
JJ soon returned with his guitar. He placed it in the HMS Pogue and turned back to you.
He outstretched his hands for you to take. You accepted and stood up with his help.
"Where are we going?" You asked.
"Just for a little drive." JJ replied.
You both got into the HMS Pogue and JJ started it up.
It was nice being out in the water. It was calming and helped you relax. JJ put the anchor down in the middle of the water.
"Can I play for you." JJ asked.
"Please do." You replied.
Soon JJ's soothing singing voice filled your ears as he strummed his guitar.
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl my girl, my girl
Talkin' 'bout my girl my girl"
JJ sang you My Girl. He smiled as he serenaded you. He continued singing the song. Then he got to the third verse.
"I don't need no money, fortune, or fame
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
With my girl
I've even got the month of May
With my girl"
JJ saw a smile creep up on your face and he about declared victory. He got you to smile. He could spend all the rest of his days trying to get you to smile. He loved to see it. Especially if he was the cause. He loved to make you happy.
When the song finished you clapped your hands.
You smiled brightly and got up from across from him and sat down next to him.
You wrapped your arms around him and said thank you while he kissed the top of your head.
"Can you play me another?" You questioned.
"Of course." JJ voiced.
JJ played you another song and by the time he was done it was getting dark.
"I think we should start heading back." JJ suggested.
He pulled up the anchor and started driving back. You leaned down and felt the water with your hand as the boat sped down the water.
It was amazing how just being around JJ you felt better. Just spending time with him your anxiety seemed to ease. You felt lighter and happier.
Once you got back to the château and docked the boat. You both got out walking hand in hand.
You entered the château and warmth engulfed you. It felt nice.
"You want some hot chocolate." JJ asked.
"Yes please."
You found a cozy place on the couch and sat while JJ made you guys your drinks.
Minutes later he came back with two mugs and offered one to you.
"Thank you." You mused.
JJ sat down next to you and brushed hair out of your face.
"I'm sorry you had a bad day." JJ whispered.
You took a sip of your drink than smiled.
"It got a lot better being with you." You gushed.
"It's us against the world. I'll always be there for you" JJ expressed.
"You know I love you right." JJ added.
"Now I do." You replied.
With that you pressed your lips to his.
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404name-not-found · 5 months
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Vent post about system stuff incoming:
Also if you don't support in-system relationships just fuck off this specific post ok? Not in the mood to hear it
The concept of spending the rest of my life only ever half able to touch my wife (he/they) is fucking depressing. I can feel him because I mainly sit internally, and I know he can, to some degree, feel a ghost of where I'm touching him (not that way I'm referring to cuddling and kissing the rest is no one else's business) but it's not the same.
I will never be able to hold him the way his partner with a separate body can. While I'm not jealous of said partner, it does feel like something about me will always be inferior. I know if I had my body, I would not be able to hear his thoughts and know his feelings so we wouldn't work as well as we do, and probably would not be anywhere near as in love as we are because we don't deal with all the time wasted by misunderstandings and such. But I also know that if I had my body I could marry him legally, and I could be supporting him because my body was not disabled. I could take care of him in ways I just can't as things are. If I had my body, I could fill the roles I can't fill because we share a brain and body.
I wish with everything in me I had my body and still had the ability to communicate the way we do. I wouldn't have seen him in so many abusive relationships. I wouldn't watch him struggle to get things done and get what he needs. I was able to work in my fictional canon! I made plenty enough to support us! But I can't.
I know a miracle let me literally cover a gap between worlds to let us be together even though here I'm considered fictional. And somewhere deep down I know it wasn't a miracle, it was a world of hurt I wish he'd never gone through. And I know I should just be grateful I have him and we can be together despite how absolutely impossible it realistically is that we managed this.
I couldn't imagine a world without him, and I would never want to take the step back that would come with losing sharing the same head the way we do, but there's just a lot about sharing a body that makes a relationship like ours feel like we're so close to being perfect and the only thing in the way is one missing electrified meatsuit.
Don't misunderstand, while despite all the scientific knowledge I do have, I have no understanding of the science that makes it so he can kiss the air or a pillow using the body and *only* have the same biological reactions as he would with another body if one of us is kissing him in the head at the same time, I am eternally grateful for it. But for once, would like to stop being scientific wonder and be a man and his wife with nothing extraordinary besides the amount we love each other.
There's nothing to say or do to make it better; I'll feel okay tonight when he's laying in my arms since the body dissociates well enough when we're laying down to sleep that we can almost entirely feel each other, but for now it sucks and there's nothing that's ever going to change it. I spend 99% of my time grateful that I was given the chance to know him and love him and be loved by him and I wouldn't risk it for anything, but that doesn't mean I don't wish we could fill that last gap to where this would be perfect for him the way it is for me.
He deserves a relationship that can give him everything someone with another body can with someone who would *never* use that body to cause him harm, not with someone who is in the process of being taught not to. He deserves to kiss someone without flashbacks of that person forcing that kiss a few short years ago.
He deserves to have the whole experience of a relationship with someone who genuinely loves him without any backstory of beating or assaulting him in any way. Instead the closest he gets is always wondering if the only reason I'm safe is because I don't have a body to hurt him with. And I do not blame him at all for wondering that - every non-middle school relationship he's had besides one that didn't end up with that happening has been with those of us in his head. But I want to prove to him that people can love him without causing pain. That he SHOULD be loved in ways that do not cause pain. That no one should be hurting him and calling it love and there is nothing about having a body that causes them to behave that way. That what they did was choice they made and kept making, not inherrent to using body separate of his. Maybe then he'd be able to understand that he deserved better than what he got.
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queen-of-the-avengers · 4 months
Text
Captain Marvel: Part Two
Pairing: Carol Danvers x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.3k
Warnings: canon violence and angst
Author’s Note: For the sake of this rewrite, Howard and Maria Stark dies on December 16, 1997 instead of 1991. Tony is 23 when they die.
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x
With him out of the way, Yondu was able to accept deals on the down low where he can keep one hundred percent of the profits. One of those deals was made with Ego, a Celestial, who hired him to kidnap a young boy from Earth and bring him to him.
"You're really going through with this?" you ask Yondu when his ship docks by Earth.
"He offered us a lot of credits for this."
"He's a young boy who has a family. You can't just kidnap him."
"Watch me."
"Yondu!"
Yondu walks away from you, ending the conversation. You want nothing to do with this so you stay where you are. When Peter Quill is brought aboard, he immediately goes into hiding. He's small enough to fit into the crevices that anyone else can't fit into. You can if you use your powers, but you don't want to scare him even more than he already is.
"Where did he go?" Yondu asks and walks into the main room.
"He ran in there," you point to a nearby empty bedroom, "because you scared the shit out of him. He's scared out of his mind. Are you really going to bring him to Ego?"
"Hell no. I saw the kid. He's small. He's great for thieving."
"You know, for someone who was sold into slavery and was forced to do things he didn't want to do, you're very willing to pass that onto someone else," you glare.
"Y/N, come on, don't tell me he won't be a good fit for the team."
"I can turn into a small person who can get into small places. You didn't need to kidnap him."
"Get him to come out. Then we'll talk."
Yondu walks away, leaving you to do the dirty work. You sigh and walk into the bedroom where Peter is hiding somewhere.
"Peter? Are you in here?" you ask. There is a small noise coming from underneath the bed, and you sit down with your back against it. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm sorry about the way this all happened but I can promise you that nothing bad will happen to you."
"What's your name?" Peter asks in a small voice.
"Y/N. You know, I was just like you. I was taken from my home, in a way. I know you're scared, but if you come out from under the bed, I promise to make this as easy as possible for you."
You place your left hand on the floor and seconds later, a tiny hand is placed on top of yours. Having Peter on your side makes life with the Ravagers a lot more fun because you get to take care of such a loveable young boy. He reminds you of you when you were his age. He's bright, smart, curious, and he loves to pull pranks on the other Ravagers. Most of them don't like him and often try to scare him, but you're quick to ease his fears.
The first mission Yondu sent Peter on was with you, and it was to steal something of high value and importance. Some big CEO moguls had it locked up somewhere safe, but never from you. The only thing is that they had it located in a small room that only Peter could fit into. Yes, you could use your powers to go in there yourself, but you needed to be on watch just in case someone came. You could at least use your powers for that.
"Peter, did you get it?" you whisper into the small vent.
"Almost. You're not leaving me, right?"
"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're doing really good." 
Peter is able to grab the item, but he set off the alarm while doing so. He wiggles his way out and hands you the item.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," he says as his bottom lips jut out.
"Don't worry about it. We gotta go. Climb on."
Peter jumps into your arms and you take off run ing down the hall to the planned exit route. With your air powers, you're able to fly over to the meeting point instead of running, so you find the nearest window and jump out of it. Security and other officials are already on the scene, but you're already gone.
You fly over to the meeting point where two ravagers are waiting to confirm if you have the package or not. When they confirm, all four of you are beamed back into the ship. Yondu is waiting there with a scowl on his face. All eyes point to Peter since word got out that the alarm was tripped.
You've never tripped the alarm, so they assume Peter did it since he's so new.
"What the hell did you do back there? You tripped the alarm! I oughta smack the shit out of you."
Peter runs behind your legs when Yondu takes a step toward him, and you put your hands up to stop him.
"No, it was me. I set the alarm off." Yondu stops and looks at you unconvincingly. "He was perfect the whole time. It was my fault. Go ahead. Smack the shit out of me."
"You're lucky you didn't get caught."
Yondu motions for his men to back away, and everyone goes their separate ways. Peter walks in front of you with tears in his eyes and a wobbly bottom lip.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."
"No, you didn't." You get on your knees and wipe his tears. "Listen to me. I know Yondu. He's all talk. You did so well. I'm proud of you."
"Thank you."
"Go get cleaned up. I'll be right in to tell you a bedtime story."
"Okay."
Peter may be too old for bedtime stories, but when he was kidnapped, he became younger than he actually is. It's your job to take care of him in every way he needs it, including telling awesome bedtime stories. Even after a few years with the Ravagers, he still requested bedtime stories before he went to sleep.
By the time he was fourteen, he knew the ins and outs of thieving pretty well. The only thing that sucked was fighting, which he was never good at. You tried keeping Yondu from beating him into shape but failed a few times over the years. Still, Peter was like your little brother who you loved and care for, it just never occurred to you that you'd have to leave him one day.
Yours and Yondu's past caught up with you when the Kree finally found out where you were hiding. The Space Stone inside your blood made it easier to track you. If Ronan gets onto this ship, then everyone in it will die. If you want your second family to live, then you have to divert Ronan away from them. 
It's you who he really wants.
Yondu is preparing his men for a fight that won't come because you're going to leave this ship so that they can get away.
"There's no need to prepare for a fight, Yondu. I'll take care of Ronan. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you."
"Shut up. You're not going out there."
"Yondu, it's me who he really wants. He wants what's inside my blood. If I hand myself over to him, you guys can escape."
"No, I can't let you do that," Yondu chokes out.
"You're not letting me. Look, you saved me from the Kree forty years ago, now it's my turn to save you. I'm doing this for you and Peter. Take care of him, please. Stop terrifying the boy and threatening to eat him. He actually believes you're serious."
Yondu pulls you into a tight hug but a small voice interrupts you.
"You're leaving?"
You pull away from Yondu and turn to face Peter who has tears in his eyes.
"Yeah, I have to go. Some bad people are coming, and I can divert them so you can get to safety."
"No, don't go!" he cries and runs into your arms.
"Peter," you sigh sadly and kiss the top of his head. "Listen to me, Peter. You've got great potential here. Don't let Yondu or the rest freak you out because you do what you think is right. It's what I taught you to do. Do that, and you're going to be alright. You don't need me."
"Of course, I need you. You're my big sister," he cries.
"I love you so much, but I really have to go. I promise, Peter, I will come back for you. I will find my way back to you." Yondu knows you have to go so he pulls Peter away from you, and that's when the kicking and screaming starts. "Peter, please, be good for them."
"No, don't go! Y/N!!"
Seeing you go reminds him of his mother leaving him when he was eight, and he's not going down without a fight. You pull your space suit on and step into the chamber that has doors on either side of you. You close the one between you and the other Ravagers, and you look through the window back at your second family.
"I love you all," you say before turning away from them.
Even as you're stepping off the platform into space, you can hear Peter scream and cry for you. As soon as you present yourself in front of Ronan's ship, the Ravager's ship takes off immediately. Ronan lets him go because he knows he's got you now. While you're getting beamed up, you prepare yourself to face Ronan after twenty years of evading him, however, he's not there when you're faced with the Kree.
"Where's Ronan?" you get straight to the point.
"He's not here at the moment. We've been looking for you for a long time. Isn't that right, Vers?"
A tall blonde woman wearing a greet suit walks next to the man who's talking to you, and she holds up her fists as if she's going to fight you.
"That's right."
Her fists start glowing bright orange from an unknown power within her. You sense the threat she has on you, even before she tries to use her powers on you. She sends a blast of matter at you, but you block it with your own powers--fire. Both powers meet in the middle to create a ball of unimaginable power. The ball keeps getting bigger and bigger until it got too big to contain the power.
It explodes, sending you, Vers, and every Kree back several feet. The lights above you short out and crackle. Vers and the man you're talking to get up and walk over to you who is still lying on the ground.
"I see great use in her."
"Take her to the others. I'll decide what we're going to do with her."
The other Kree soldiers place handcuffs on you and force you to your feet. If you fight, they might go after the Ravagers to get you to comply, so for right now, you'll do as they say. Yon-Rogg, the leader who spoke to you, separates himself from the group and heads into the room where others are allowed to connect and talk to the Supreme Intelligence.
"Yon-Rogg," the Supreme Intelligence says once connected.
"Supreme Intelligence. I found Y/N, the one who possesses the power of the energy core, the same kind that Vers has."
"Very good job. Extract it from her."
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"We need the energy core, and if her power is truly from it, then she might be able to help locate it. She won't be able to resist. Let me train her. I'll make sure she is ready for battle."
"Train her and Vers? Are you sure you can handle it?"
"Yes, I can. Don't worry, I will turn Y/N into the best weapon the Kree has ever seen. I got a taste of it earlier. I see great use for her."
"Good. Make her feel welcome. I'm afraid she might try and leave, and we cannot, under no circumstances, let that happen."
Yon-Rogg understood his orders from the Supreme Intelligence, but he did not listen to them one bit. Vers is powerful, and it seems like she's the only match for you. It makes sense to put you two together to train, but she absolutely hates you. Every chance she gets, she's making sure she can either hurt you or exhaust you to the point where you can't fight back.
Vers sends a photon blast at you, giving you barely enough time to duck her attack. She runs at you while you're distracted and tackles you to the ground. She rears her fist back and punches at you, but you swerve your head to the left, just barely missing her punch.
"If I knew any better, I'd say you're actually trying to kill me," you pant.
"I'm just trying to make it as realistic as possible."
"So am I."
You kick her in the stomach and use your air powers to send her flying all the way across the room. You can't figure out why she hates you when you did nothing to her since you got here. Maybe it's Yon-Rogg telling her to hate you, but you don't believe she's formed her opinion of you just yet.
Regardless of what Yon-Rogg's intentions are, he still keeps pairing you two up for missions. It's as if he's waiting for something to happen between the two of you that will never come. The more you work with Vers, the less you like her. She's conceited, cocky, arrogant, and thinks she's some princess who always gets what she wants.
It's so fucking annoying.
"Mission report?" Yon-Rogg asks when you and Vers come back from a mission.
"Everything went according to plan. There was a small hiccup, but I was able to grab the weapon you seek. It wasn't easy getting in there, but I managed."
You can't help but gasp at her words. She knows damn well you went inside that room and got the weapon while she just stayed outside on watch. She smirks knowing you're upset but you don't say a word about it to Yon-Rogg.
Fine, if she wants to play it that way, then so be it.
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Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
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bots-and-cons · 7 months
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Haha fuck this...
Venting, ranting, whatever
I've been trying to get my brother T (who lives with me) to go somewhere else for the weekend so I can get some peace. He was supposed to go to our mom's place, because he hasn't been there for a while and there's space there. Our dad is basically done moving to his parents' house, which is much smaller than the house he previously lived in, so there's no space to sleep at my dad's, but take a wild fucking guess where my brother decided to go? He went to our dad's because he can only stay there tonight before they move the rest of the stuff tomorrow, and he doesn't want to be away from his computer the whole weekend. In my opinion he's way too addicted to his games and also actual gambling, so that's fucking fun.
I've basically been arguing with him for the last two days about him needing to give me some alone time, so I can get school stuff done and relax a bit, without having to be around him all the time. I have to mask (haha, autism fun) around my brother all the time, which is fucking exhausting and even my best friend said I look like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and I couldn't really argue with that. I'm so fucking tired, and I'm honestly considering kicking him out. He's a selfish, spoiled brat, who thinks everything has to be done for him and he litereally can't do anything himself. He's 18, and he can't even do the dishes properly.
To be fair, some of it is my fault, I've been going too easy on him for the last year he's been living with me and he's gotten used to having to do very little. I hate that he doesn't do things properly and I'd rather do them myself than have them done badly or wrong. I'm also very aware that this is a manipulation tactic, because he knows I'll do the things he doesn't, because I can't stand things being done badly/wrong.
My best friend thinks I should kick him out for the sake of my own mental health, and I can't really say I disagree. I do well alone, I don't need to mask when I'm alone at home and I'm free to do things my own way and when I want to do them. The problem is, I'm too fucking nice. He probably wouldn't survive on his own, he can't live at our dad's, because there's no space there. My brother T doesn't want to live at our mom's either, because our youngest siblings live there and as he says, "I wouldn't get any peace".
Every time I suggest he should go somewhere else for the weekend, he basically tells me "WhY dOn't yOu go SomWherRe eLsE?". This is my fucking apartment, he just gets to live here because he doesn't want to live anywhere else. He has very little empathy, which in itself isn't a bad thing, but combine that with his selfishness and it's an incredibly bad combo. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, and he thinks I should be his servant or something.
I'm honestly so exhausted that I'm not even angry. I just want to sleep for a week or something. I have school next week, (Monday and Tuesday) and I need some rest before that. If he gets our other brother to bring him back tomorrow, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off and go somewhere else for one night.
My mom is coming over very soon, so I get to talk this over with her, and there's probably gonna be a lot of crying, but at least I can talk with her.
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egg-emperor · 1 year
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You're very right in the tags of that one post. Toxic positivity is just as bad as toxic negativity, sometimes worse due to the handling of constructive criticism because of can-do-no-wrong attitude that stifles growth and creativity.
That ever-growing toxicity combined with this weird form of puritanism that has people harassing and dogpiling on others if they dare have an independent thought outside the hivemind is what's forcing me away from the Sonic fandom and never returning again, despite how much I love Eggman. I've already stopped reblogging Sonic art on my main blog and interacting with the fandom at large outside of a close circle of trusted friends across social media, they're the only thing even keeping that dying flame for this series stoked. I'm almost ready to delete it all and revamp my main blog theme to distance myself further. It hurts to know I'm no longer welcome in something that has been a major part of my life since I started gaming, something I've seen grow from literally nothing as I grew.
I still enjoy so many things about this series, and I had so much fun with everything up until this point, but being pushed out and treated like you're worse than trash for disagreeing with one thing feels like a knife being twisted in my heart. I don't want to go, but at this point I feel I have no choice to leave it all behind.
I'm sorry to sound whiny with this all, but I guess I just needed somewhere to vent. Should I consider this my goodbye letter to the Sonic series? Maybe so.
Thanks, Julian. Again, sorry for the vent.
Nah don't apologize, that's exactly how I've been feeling too. There's a big problem with both toxic positivity and negativity in this fandom and I'd say the former has been a much bigger one lately. I wouldn't say any of my criticisms of the latest media I'm not a fan of has been that harsh, aside from the occasional rants where I've been especially worked up and upset.
Most of the time it was just calm criticism that I was being asked to talk about in my inbox, it's not like I was going onto other people's posts and inboxes trying to be negative. But it's just blown up out of proportion because people take offense merely being something they don't want to see, because I see it as anything less than perfect and amazing. And that's where the toxic positivity comes in.
What I do always comes from a place of deep passion and my boldness in expressing true feelings is dismissed as nothing but hatred. Just because again, it's not highly positive endless praise without question or criticism. There's a lot of toxic positivity and also puritanism especially when it comes to my views and creations of Eggman compared to what people would prefer I think and do instead.
I've stepped away from fandom massively too because there isn't much out there that appeals to me anymore. It's a hivemind where you're not allowed to voice different opinions or even state facts as it's immediately taken as an attack. It's full of high praise of everything and intolerance towards people that don't feel the same, they accuse me of being horrible and hateful and trying to attack specific people with things I make on my own blog.
I don't think I'm ever really going to come back either beyond interaction with the small amount of people I still follow that aren't with that crowd and their mindset and either feel the same or accept I feel differently, like I can with them as long as they respect me too. I don't seek out content from anywhere else aside from heavily filtered Tumblr search. I'll never search Eggman on Twitter again for the sake of my sanity lol
While it does help me feel better to not surround myself with things that make me uncomfortable and avoid it as well as I can, it does hurt to leave almost everything behind and not feel welcome amongst the masses just because we can't agree on everything and are open with criticism, no matter how sensible and calm we are about it. I'm going to miss out on the small amount of stuff out there I would like as a result which is sad too.
But then when I'm at my worst after all recent events, I've contemplated deleting everything and leaving because even though there are a few reasons I have to stick around and it's not all bad, it still feels like I don't belong and do everything wrong in some people's eyes and am hated by many and it just makes me miserable with all the constant reminders. It hurts that something that's been so special and important to me almost all my life is now attached to this pain.
It was fun up until this point for me too but now I feel pushed out because of how many places I've been kicked out of and how many I've been blocked by. It really does hurt a lot, how it feels like everything can go wrong just for being yourself and being open and honest about how you feel. It does stifle growth and creativity a lot when different perspectives and ideas are immediately shunned and looked down upon and responded to aggressively.
I don't really want to go either but I've accepted I need to take a step back, as big of a part of my life it was for so long. And I've been considering that I might have to leave official media behind soon as it just feels like there might not be anything for me anymore. Even before shit really hit the fan fandom wise, I started pondering it. Leaving that will hurt even more but I'm trying not to hold on to what hurts or discomforts me and just doesn't bring me the happiness it did before.
If I do have to leave both fandom and official media behind entirely, it will hurt a lot but I still appreciate for the people I still follow, old official content, and sharing my analysis, headcanons, fics, gushing, etc. I'm still passionate as ever about Eggman and love to create from it and share it, that's why I care so much and have such strong opinions and bold ways of expressing it in the first place. It's sad that it had to come to this but I appreciate the good times and memories and I won't let all this stop me from doing what I love.
But yeah you're not alone in this, I feel exactly the same way and I'm saying my goodbye to most of the fandom too and possibly the entire series itself soon with the way things might be going from here.
You're welcome and no need to be sorry 💜
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Mildly annoyed at my body.
Probably venting. Mostly complaining. Some medical talk.
I kinda want to get a second shift job, but I just got a raise and starting this month, I will be making really good money. Like, double minimum wage money. I don't think I'll be finding that wage anywhere else with no college degree and only 5 years of office experience...
I want to put more of my books on the shelves, the ones still boxed in the living room and the basement. Go through the comics I probably have no real attachment to, maybe offer them up somewhere. Put the books I keep thinking about that somehow didn't get their boxes marked "FAVE" and thus weren't put upstairs when I moved. They're in the basement. I KNOW I have more books by my favorite author. I've been wanting to reread the ones I haven't unpacked.
But I just ate. I can't go up and down the stairs, let alone carrying 2+ boxes and unpacking them. Not to mention, some of them are practically buried in others' boxes... I can't exert myself by moving them around, either. I might be able to reach the ones by the shoe rack, but I don't remember. I can't stand up and bend over to look.
For my stomach AND my back reasons. Ever since I had the neurology appointment, during which they twisted me in ways that made my mostly-fine back start hurting at a Level of 5/10 Again, and when I said it started hurting they kept twisting and asked if it still hurt. Yes! Fuck yes, it hurt WORSE!
And it still hasn't entirely calmed down. The pain now is worse than it was before the appointment. Even two weeks later (or is it three?). Even with lidocaine patches and muscle relaxers. They want me to start steroid shots. (And do physical therapy again, but I already spent most of my PTO built up this year on Sisu's vet appointment and my teeth. I need to build up more hours for things in April, a concert road trip and taking the day of the solar eclipse off because I absolutely REFUSE to miss the eclipse, when I live conveniently RIGHT in the path of totality! I can't take 4 hours off work every week because the PT only has appointments during my work schedule.)
I need to do at-home physical therapy exercises more often anyways, but I can't lay down (let alone lay on my side for 10 minutes) after eating, and by the time my stomach's done making me uncomfortably aware of the food I've eaten, I need to go to sleep.
And tomorrow, I want to watch some panels at an online convention and go grocery shopping and clean the pet cages and shower. Maybe sweep my room and do dishes. I'm still debating if I want to wake up at 10am for a panel on something I've often wondered about (thanks in large part to the name of a roller coaster at Cedar Point), but that will sacrifice about 4 hours of sleep.
Precious sleep. Which is ALWAYS a struggle working first shift. When I worked 3pm to 11pm, I slept for 9 hours every night, no problem. (I was constantly exhausted for Other reasons, but sleep wasn't the problem.) But working first shift? I have to fight my body tooth, nail, and pharmaceuticals to get it asleep before 11pm. Half the time it doesn't happen. The meds make me sleepy, but won't KEEP me asleep.
I take melatonin, L-theanine, herbal supplements (valerian and lemon balm and passionflower and lavender), magnesium citrate, and an anti-depressant and muscle relaxer, all in the desperate hopes that I MIGHT be able to sleep for 8 hours a night. (I struggle with delayed circadian disorder. It's not insomnia, because I can easily fall asleep and stay asleep if it's within my body's natural circadian rhythm. Sleeping about 1-3am, waking about 10:am to noon.)
It isn't the ADHD meds that keep me awake because, once again, due to my stomach being a Little Bitch^tm, I can only take them when I'm having Really Good Days with my stomach. Which is, at most, about 1 in 5 days. It's rare that I CAN take them 2x a week. Let alone every day.
At the core of it, if I didn't work 40 hours a week and didn't have to ride a bus for an hour each way to and from work and didn't have to wake up at 7am every day, I'd have more time and more sleep to endure and work around my stomach's issue with Being Active After Eating, and work around Needing to Sleep or I feel Dead On My Feet.
....though with the raise, maybe I'll be able to get my temps again, and once I get my license, have the budget to start paying for gas and parking downtown...? I figure that's another $200/month, at least, but even if I break even with what my cashflow is NOW, I'd get about 80 minutes of my life back every day. That actually sounds really nice...
But currently, as it stands, my schedule is perpetually packed and my body is perpetually fighting me on doing Anything Ever. =_= Not to mention, the ADHD making it really hard to overcome that executive dysfunction...
It's just frustrating, wanting to do So Much but needing 2 weeks to recover my social battery after being at a wedding for 5 hours. I can't catch up on sleep when my duplex neighbors are massive inconsiderate assholes who blast music every Saturday morning. I want to wake up a little early to hear a really interesting topic discussion tomorrow, but it comes at the cost of spending the entire next week exhausted from sleep deprivation.
Where's the Quality of Life when the amount of life you can live is so small, you can't fit a lot of Doing Things in it anyways?
Worst of all, I've been too exhausted to write, whether that's roleplaying or fic. I'm lucky if I can come up with 5 words for my Pokemon character to tag on a blog post. I can't come up with New Things Happening very often. I really desperately want to continue some Old RPs with Dove, but my brain is fried mush. It's burnt on the outside and just a gooey mess on the inside. I can't jog it enough to Imagine New Things.
I'm not exactly depressive. I'm having fun at the convention this weekend! I'm glad for the 5 words I can scrouge up on the Pokemon RP blog! I'm eating good food and stealing every minute of personal time I can get! I'm watching Teen Titans and ATLA with my roommates once a week! I only have minor complaints with my actual job duties! It's not All bad.
I'm just frustrated that working 40 hours a week is so fucking much to work around that it's a chore all its own to try fitting my life around it without sacrificing sleep health.
Fuck capitalism.
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hoochieblues · 9 months
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15 questions, 15 mutuals
Tagged by @faux-fires (tysm <3)
I know I've done a couple of these before and I forget who I've tagged, sooo... most recent usual suspects in my notifications, woe be upon ye: @carabas, @aria-i-adagio, @potatowitch, @mothtimism, @tea42, @dreadfutures, plus if you would like to experience the ordeal of being known, feel free to consider yourself tagged whether we're mutuals or not. :)
were you named after anyone? When I changed my name (because reasons), I picked one partly inspired by one of the first people who was kind to me as a kid. (tiny violin sounds) I'm currently playing with using a shorter gn form of it, but if you translate the original a couple times, it also gives me an inbuilt stripper name if I ever need one. You can try guessing what that is, but I may or may not confirm it.
when was the last time you cried? This past weekend, for animal rescue reasons I'm trying not to vent about on main. Can't save them all; doesn't mean you don't try.
do you have kids? Nope. I've been saying since I was a teen that the cursed bloodline ends with me (it technically doesn't since my sister had a kid but for full 'ack-shually' points we're half-siblings so eh). I feel like if I ever get enough space/health/motivation to parent, that's what fostering and adoption are for.
do you use sarcasm a lot? Moi? Perish the thought.
what’s the first thing you notice about people? That is a very good question for a deeply oblivious person. Probably hair/clothes/mannerisms? I'm like a toddler, I pick up on bright colours and movement. Also eyes.
what’s your eye color? grey/blue
scary movies or happy endings? porque no los dos? I think I have to say scary movies, due to my well-documented collections of giallo and b-movie schlock.
any special talents? I am a horrible dilletante that dicks around with everything. idk. Given there's currently a puppy on my shoulder and I'm trying to stop her chewing a fresh piercing (ow) I'm going to say I am a very patient person who's pretty good with animals.
where were you born? Kent, ye olde garden of englande.
what are your hobbies? oh god. fucking around with fabric/thread/yarn, grubbing about in the dirt, playing music abominably, analog photography (also abominable), arty crap, watching/heckling movies, making more food than I can possibly consume. Various combinations of the above all at once. Travelling when I can, which is not often.
have any pets? none resident, sadly, but the current foster roster is Chance, the trauma rehab project dog, and Peppy le Phew the afore-mentioned parrot pup who is mostly made of teeth and has 4loko instead of blood. I do behavioural consult and fostering for a small rescue specialising in dogs liberated from inhumane public shelters (read: extermination centers) in E. Europe so I do a lot of integrating fosters into domestic households and showing them that humans are not entirely awful. They usually get the idea pretty fast, I learn a lot, and it's wonderful watching them settle in forever homes.
what sports do you play/have you played? badminton, tennis, swimming… not exactly equestrian 'sport' but I wanted to get into dressage as an extension of natural horsemanship stuff. It was going okay until i broke my buttbone, though I very rarely had any actual serious lessons. CFS kicks my ass these days, but I still like to hike/swim and I'd get back into racket sports and weights if there was anywhere local.
how tall are you? billed height 5'8" but I hunch shrimpback style. Trying to stop.
favorite subject in school? eng lit and history were easiest for me, but actually probably shop/cdt. I had an awesome teacher who let me use the workshop after hours and was really supportive, which was… novel. (And because I outed myself about this already somewhere else, yes I was an annoying theatre kid. We had a crappy beat up sofa in the school drama studio and we'd drink horrible vending machine coffee and get grossly pretentious because we'd just learned about Artaud. Yes, I am duly shamed.)
dream job? making a living off my writing again (which would, y'know, actually involve getting off my ass and putting stuff back out there. this fall, i swear. i'm still side-eyeing what to do about pen names and platforms. ughhhh. snd hlp. and shout if you fancy beta reading or volunteering opinions....) and growing veggies in some sort of queer commune, as long as I can have a small hut on the edge of said commune and only be bothered infrequently, please and thank. Before I got sick, I was intending to hang around in academia and/or theater, but I wouldn't do the former these days (at least in the UK). I'd probably still do the latter if I had the spoons, though I might well regret it. someone would, anyway.
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mildew-spirits · 8 months
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TW: POSSIBLE PROGRAMMING(?), RAMCOA
I want to surface this by saying read at your own risk, as much as I am unsure of what is happening I don't want to trigger anyone or anyone to trigger themselves reading this. This is a jumbled vent I needed to get out somewhere. If you have feedback or any comments or anything at all, feel free to reach out.
New to all this and still figuring things out. This account will probably mostly be vents and a space for us to figure out information/possibly document how it's going? I dont know we honestly made this account in a dissociative panic after doing some research and having feelings resurface. It doesn't feel real. It just doesn't. 4 days ago we were perfectly fine and now almost ever second thoughts are running "what if we were actually programmed?" "There's no way it could happen to us our trauma isn't that severe." One specific memory keeps flashing in my head over and over like a drill. And it's our ex friend saying "My dad used to be in a cult". It keeps repeating over and over and I can not stop thinking about that moment. And the more we try to look back at it the more nothing adds up. There was one time, we were with our brother, ex friend, and her dad. Now I don't remember this much but from what I was told we were almost in a car wreck because of some robber or drunk driver. I do not remember the aftermath, but it got brought up years later once we had broken contact. We brought it up to our mom and said "oh yeah, I remember that. He did everything he could to save us that day." Our mom stares at us for a second and goes "...No, he's the one who nearly caused the wreck, you were traumatized for weeks after." No memory. 0 recollection. Nothing. We 100% were convinced he had saved us. We thought it was okay because he cared. When the exact opposite had happened. Now, that could very well just of been our little kid mind remembering things wrong. But then another memory resurfaced. "Yeah, he used to take you everywhere but after almost getting into a wreck it happened less." ...We don't remember being taken anywhere. We had always believed it was the opposite, our ex friend would go to our house more then we'd go out with her. That simply wasn't true. And I can't remember that and it pisses me off. Things have been popping up and the moment we thought about cults a voice in our head kept repeating "you were not in a cult you were not in a cult you were not in a cult" over and over. Even now, I still hear it. It won't stop. Random memories, or rather things he had said to us keep coming up and I'm thoroughly convinced we're faking it. We had a memory of his apartment but had the feeling someone else was there too. Can that even happen? That's not possible to "feel like" another body is there. Is it? Am I just going insane? We discovered a new area with new alters and they all have been there for years apparently. 2 have number names and won't speak. When 1 fronted as we were thinking about that person and possibly another (that memory I said just a bit ago) he began repeating numbers, like counting down in a specific tone over and over and made the body do it too. It was this uncontrollable urge to say it and when it stopped even for a second, it was repeated faster and the silence was replaced with fear. Fear of what? I dont even know. That countdown keeps playing. That countdown happened again when we got a small cut on our wrist. What the hell is happening? There's no way that this can actually happen. Right? We've felt nauseous all day and especially after the countdown. I just want to be told that this could all be explained but I don't know if it can. I want to just be told we learned a new term and are paranoid about it. But our gut is wondering just how much is paranoia vs actual red flags. I fucking hate this. Fuck this
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John Geist as a RTS Unit
Unit Constructed:
"Old Wolf taking the field personally, this needs a personal touch."
"Geist moving to join the battle personally, make way."
"Enemies all around, friendlies completely outnumbered? My kind of fight."
"Gonna Finish this quick, I want to get back to my vacation."
Selection:
"Did I ever tell you the time I broke a tooth trying to bite a Necron?"
"Command is Vox'ing me, hold for orders."
"You have orders for me to loosely follow?"
"One vial...two vials... three..oh Frag, Orders command?"
Selected too many times:
"Hey, Command stop Voxing me."
"Command, this is my final warning about Voxing me."
"Alright boys, let's go and blow up HQ's Vox setup."
"I'm gonna stab the Commander."
Movement:
"Old Wolf, getting in nice and close."
"Old Wolf, they won't even hear me coming."
"I got on my good running boots for this one."
"I don't need to be fast, I just need to be faster then everyone else.'
(Stealth) Movement:
" Silent and Sneaky, best way to move."
"Time to see if I still remember those lessons."
"Matriarchs take me, I'm actually better at this."
"Easier than dancing in one of those monkey suits they call a formal uniform."
Sent into Foliage:
"Reminds me of home, just less plants trying to eat me."
"I'll fall asleep in here, best to keep me busy."
"Anyone want to hear the one about the Grox and the Sweet Milk?"
"Guess what a Jungle Fighter and a Ork have in common? We both love the color green."
Sent into the Open:
"I'm kind of fucking exposed here Command, send me somewhere else."
"I got my dick in the wind command, give me new orders."
"Fuckers can see me for miles, send me to cover command."
"I feel naked being exposed like this, give me orders."
Attempt to send into Water:
"Yeah, that ain't fucking happening Command, you'd have better chances getting a Night Lord to become a pacifist."
"Unless you have a boat, I'm stuck on this side of the water commander."
"I go into that water, I'm not coming out unless I can walk out from the bottom."
"Are you trying to kill me Command? I can't swim, I fucking sink."
Sending across Ice:
"Careful now... please don't break...please don't break."
"Golden Hunter be with me... this is the stupidest shit I've done since I tried to drink one of my poison vials to clear up a headache."
"Oh by the Golden Hunter on the Throne of Gold, I hate this shit..."
"Oh fuck... was that the ice cracking?"
Funny Lines:
"Anyone ever wonder what a Space Marine tastes like? I'm sure the Cooks can make a damn good Astartes Stew."
"Tried to kill one of those big Eldar Beasties they have following them around to check for boots, didn't find any like the other six I've killed."
"Ok... I might have lost the pin to a grenade, can you check for it?"
"Ok, next person who doses the stew with hallucinogens during Evening Meal, gets to eat the whole pot themself... I'm still seeing shit."
Issued a Heavy Bolter:
"Hmm... I can't hit the broadside of a barn, but if I put enough Bolt Shells down range, then I can't miss."
"I tend to prefer Stubbers and Close Quarters, but I think I can put up with this."
"Thing is awkward to carry, but I can lug it and it's ammo anywhere I need to go."
"Ugly beast aren't ya, ready to eat beastie?"
Issued a Plasma Gun:
"Best to get Tiv and Riv to check this over before I use it, I'm not ready to see if I'll survive it exploding."
"The Administratum really screwed someone over by sending this to me."
"Nasty surprise, but a welcome one on this side of the gun."
"This thing vents towards me, I'm strangling whoever sent this thing to me."
Assigned to a unit of Mad Wolves:
"Good to have my boys listening to me again."
"Hey lads, looks like we are working together."
"Love to see you Wolves, get your gear and get ready for war."
"Get your shit boys and girls, the Wolves have been called and we must answer."
Combat:
"Hostile Forces encountered, shred em!"
"Tear those fuckers a new one, they want to do the same to you!"
"Time to teach you why they say not to fuck with the 6th Section and the Jungle Geists."
"Fuck off and die fuckers!"
Pinned:
"STOP FUCKING SHOOTING AT ME SO I CAN STAB YOU!"
"I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!"
"SOMEONE, SILENCE THOSE GUNS!"
"MY COVER IS GETTING SHREDDED, SOMEONE KILL THOSE GUNNERS NOW!"
Damaged:
"Fuck...a few more holes then I started the day with..."
"Damn, that stings... come on Old Wolf, your stronger than this."
"I don't think that should be leaking like that..."
"I'm bleeding internally... but that's where the blood is supposed to be right?"
Friendly Fire:
"Dumbasses, I'm a friendly your shooting at!"
"This is why I hate working outside the Wolves!"
"This shit would never happen with the Desert Raiders!"
"If I survive this, I'm choking whoever is shooting at me!"
Death:
"Fuck... tossed the dice and it came up short..."
"Matriarch...I dreamed I was a warrior..."
"Damn it... The Old Wolf shouldn't die like this..."
"Remember...I was called...I answere..."
Low chance ability Proc (The Revenant Wolf):
"The Warp spat me back out, get me back on my feet!"
"Guess I didn't do enough for the Golden Hunter to accept my service, time to get back to work."
"Guess even Death fucking hates me, I'm back to life."
"This wasn't a nightmare? Fuck..."
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mikka-mori13 · 8 months
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This is my first post ever, and I don't quite understand what I'm doing yet, but I really need to vent.
Trigger warning : Threats and Threats of abuse
Also it's fairly long, sorry.
So this story takes place this year(2023) during late winter or early spring. I'm going to explain some background info, and if it's not clear enough to understand feel free to ask for clarification. This is mostly just a vent post, feel free to comment whatever you normally would.
Intro info: my mother is a narcissist. She has always been a narcissist, then she had her accident. At work she broke her arm, and then ever since she was also incredibly entitled and clingy(?) If that's the right term.
My father is currently going through a workmans-comp case and he is physically hurt, and in constant pain. He has weight restrictions and can't climb stuff, the usual.
My grandmother recently had hip surgery and my father(not having anything to do, and feeling pretty useless not being able to work) is staying with my grandmother to take care of her since no one else was willing too.(my family kinda sucks, but that's another story)
So my mother had been calling my father /every day/ for the entire time he was out there. She demanded he come back into town(my grandmother lives in a town like 30 minutes away) to help with random BS like : going shopping with her(because there were things she couldn't lift, things that /my father wasn't supposed to be lifting either/ and that I could have easily got for her if she asked me.) Fixing or replacing lights, setting up porch lights (we didn't need) and other random stuff. She called him to the point that even if he said no half the time, he was still coming into town anywhere from once a week to every other day to even /every day of a week/.
While this was happening, I was working the night shift and trying to live my life basically only on weekends. I would schedule meetups and sleepovers at my friend's house, etc. I, a 18 to 19 year old (female(biology speaking) if you were wondering), was still asking if I could go to my friend's house or if I could hang out, I did this out of respect and because my mother always complained about my siblings going to their grandparents house on weekends without telling her(they went every weekend, it never changed). I also asked her if she could take me to the store or other places I needed rides to since she was the only reason I didn't have my driver's license(she was the one to originally teach me to drive, but she always screamed at me because of her anxiety so I started driving solely with my dad. I made great strides in learning to drive and felt comfortable doing it and could even dive safely on the highway and in town. When getting my driver's license came up she said she 'didn't think I was ready' despite refusing to be in a car with me while I drove.) So when she agreed the next day she said she didn't feel like driving, something was always wrong when I needed a ride somewhere. Sometimes, she sucked it up and took me where I needed to go, and other times, she just refused. I started asking my dad to pick me up if he was in town doing stuff for his mom(he usually was), and he would take me out to my grandma's on the weekend, too. One such occasion of my mother refusing to give me a ride was on New Year's Day. This year, I decided I wanted to try celebrating New Year's Eve with my friend's family. Me and my friend talked for a little bit before they asked if I wanted to stay the night. We got his parents' permission, and then I called my mom. I asked if I could stay the night and that if I did, she didn't have to worry about picking me up at 1 or 2 a.m., and-and and-and she could pick me up the next day. She agreed and said I was an adult and I could make my own decisions. I stayed the night and got a call the next day(New Year's Day) at around 4 or 5 pm from my dad. He said he had called my mom about coming back out that day to spend time together, and she said she was waiting on me to call about being picked up. We assumed she said this so she wouldn't have to go back out. I agreed to call her and ask, I hung up and called my mother. I asked, kindly, if not a little concerned, 'if you wanted to go out to grandma's, because if you do, I can be ready to be picked up if you were wanting to.' She said it was 'just an excuse not to go.' And we exchanged a few sentences before I asked 'ok then when do you want to pick me up?' Her response was basically 'I never agreed to pick you up.' This wasn't the first time this happened, so I just said 'whatever, bye and hung up.'' I called my dad and explained what happened and that I didn't want to be in town for the rest of my holiday weekend. He was used to this and said he was going to pick me up, and he hung up. I called my mom back and said dad was picking me up, and I was staying out at grandma's that weekend. She basically said,'I was /going/ to pick you up!' And I said 'that's not what you /literally/ told me.' We talked a little more, and I hung up, and that was the end of it.
The incident :
My mother and I were visiting my father and grandmother for the day(it was the weekend) and me, my mom, and my dad were just talking. I was sitting on the right side of the backroom couch and my mom was sitting on the left side. Just across from my mom was a desk and a wheelie chair that spins around that my father was sitting in, there was like 5 or six feet between them. At some point during the conversation my mother started nagging my(already depressed) father about how he was useless because he never came to help her when she called him.(as aforementioned, this is not true, he was coming into town anywhere from once a week to every other day to even /every day of a week/.) So she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted from him(I assumed it was him not just immediately agreeing he was a piece of sh*t husband) so she started yelling at him, and even said 'you /never/ come into town when /I/ need help! But then you come at the drop of a hat for [insert my name]!' At that point she dragged my name into the argument and the gloves were off, I wasn't taking any of that BS(I had stayed out of the fight begrudgingly because my father didn't like me getting involved in his problems and didn't want me and my mom to fight over him, even if it was over him and it was more over how she treated everyone) I told her off about how she can't say that when he has dropped everything to come help her when she calls! She tried to talk over me(a tactic she always used because she refused to believe anyone else deserved a chance to speak) and yelled at me for getting myself involved in a conversation that didn't involve me. I said it involved me when she insulated my fathers character and my character! She was getting more passed off by the second. I eventually said 'how many times did dad come to town to take you shopping, just to get you things you can't lift, that he isn't supposed to be lifting, because you refused to ask anyone but him for help? How many times did he come to town to fix something that you broke or that needed to be fixed? How many times did he come to town /just/ to spend time with you, because he loves you?' He had done it so much that there shouldn't have even been any arguments to this but she just looked at me with this (I don't quite know how to describe it) smug frown/glare like she thought that she was so right that it was almost disappointing that anyone disagreed. She made that face and held up her hand in a 0 shape saying that it never happened. At that point I called her a liar and said I was done talking to her because she was impossible to deal with. I stood and took 3 steps away from the couch and tried to walk between my mother and father. I got just in front of my father when my mother stood extremely quickly and tried to tower over me, got in my face and looked so mad that I immediately panicked (I felt like she was going to hurt me) I did something I'm not exactly proud of but I did it out of instinct(it was a fear response) I shoved her like 2 feet back and she fell back on the couch. My mother stood up and my father quickly got between us. My mother started yelling about how she was going to punch me and beat me. I refused to back down. I stared right in her eyes and I didn't care if she tried to hit me, I was filled with adrenaline. I had been in fights before I knew how to throw a punch, just as well as I knew how to take one. if she hit me I knew I was right about her being the monster I thought she was. Eventually she calmed down enough and went to smoke. When she came back in she yelled that I shouldn't have gotten involved with the argument to begin with. I told her I was staying the weekend out at my grandma's and I would see her on Monday. She left and I had a heart to heart with my dad, he said 'she's a narcissist, she won't accept that she is wrong unless she comes to that conclusion on her own' and that's pretty much where we left it.
A few weeks later I had a breakdown(I had a depressive episode) and my mom was telling me that I was being over dramatic because I said I felt like no one actually respected me. I said something along the lines of 'I wish I didn't feel like I want to die every time you yell at me she scoffed and asked when that had ever happened (It happened often, especially when my mom had a bad day) I specifically brought up how she threatened to hurt me, and all she said was 'I should have hit you! You should have minded your own damn business!' That's the last we ever talked about it. We have had plenty of arguments since then and I'm so tired of it and I really needed to vent about it, but I never really got the chance. So I guess, thanks for reading.
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truckfreaks · 10 months
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i need to document this somewhere, anywhere, and then i am going back to hiatusland. but tonight, during my last session before i get switched off to someone else, my individual trauma therapist i think finally had the gumption to say some shit she's been holding back.
and she said that she's actually pissed for me, on my behalf. she said the way i was spoken to was both unprofessional and vindictive. she said that she *is* legitimately concerned that i am being ganged up on and scapegoated (whether it's intentional or unintentional) in those sessions. she said that it is not my fault or my responsibility that someone who claims to be trying to work things out with me simultaneously projects his own shame onto me, making him lash out at me as if it were my fault that he feels that way.
i know in my heart and i've known for months that this is probably not a direction in life that is compatible with me living a fulfilling life as myself while also being the person he wants me to be. i thought maybe there was some way i could make that work, and i tried really, really hard for almost two years now. but it's obvious to me that he is only happy when i neuter myself for the sake of his comfort. and i can't keep making myself smaller for another person, no matter how much you have tying you together.
despite how... idk, ambiguous things have been since last October, i did really give this my best shot. i really tried. but i think after hearing him say last night that i will never truly be myself ever again, maybe that's okay. maybe i would have changed anyway. maybe i am different now, irrevocably, and i no longer am willing to put up with the same shit i was willing to put up with a decade ago.
is that because i was assaulted by multiple people i trusted, or is that just who i am? the conclusion i came to today is that i don't give an iota of a fuck what caused it. it just is. and i think i've finally accepted what i've been venting about on here for months: that i DO deserve someone who will care to learn my favorite song, or get me flowers, or leave me notes, or gender me correctly, or follow through on things that benefit us as a whole with the same fervor they follow through on their own passions.
i'm sick of people using what happened to me as a boogeyman to explain away all of the problems around me. i experienced it, not you. i lived through it. you don't get to tell me about how that makes you feel but tell me it's "frustrating" when i try to talk about how it makes me feel.
you know what's frustrating? holding a man's hand and consoling him week after week after week about how the multiple sexual assaults you lived through, which he has never tried to talk to you about regarding your feelings, make him feel. consoling an adult about how they're personally affected by horrible, awful events you actually survived. which you very well might not have. i understand traumatic events affect everyone, even peripherally. but to shut me down for trying to talk about it on my own terms - it feels cruel.
you don't get to use my trauma as an excuse to rag on me week after week and then get pissed off when i voice that i had an upsetting reaction to something you enjoyed because i was triggered. that's not fair. and i'm tired of letting people treat like i'm a confused, damaged child instead of a 32 year old person perfectly capable of making my own decisions and asserting my own autonomy.
for the first time ever i am publicly open about who i am and what i want in life and i guess for some that is "too much". i think i just need to find people who it is enough for. i can keep trying a little longer to find them.
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personal, potentially triggering, post below the cut, needed to vent
you know how I bitch about how sections are like six months in my country? but idk if I've also mentioned that, because you have food and shelter, benefits will be cut or even ended. which at first might seem reasonable to you, until you remember what happens if you can't pay rent for six months. especially as you're physically locked somewhere and thus unable to work. like, I will note that they can't throw you onto the street afterwards, they'd have to help you get a place to live (which they could circumvent by putting you in a hotel iirc, so idek). last time I didn't have my own place, but I'd just been kicked out of my home, so I applied for benefits and couldn't claim full backpay to when I was kicked out because I was fed/sheltered (well, on paper anyway) during those months. I don't know exactly if, and if so how, they'd calculate stuff for a flat full of possessions that would be lost if I wasn't paid - not that it matters, my landlord would kick me out (they already schedule appointments when they know I'm on holiday or at the doctors or whatever, and threats if I miss them). and, if that happened to me, I'd lose everything, I have no family to take my belongings, and you're not allowed savings on benefits. when people say "we think you should go to a safe place until you feel better", or so forth, they don't understand that it isn't safe on any level - from rampant abuse/neglect, to derailing your entire fucking life. outpatient care and actual help here sucks, wait times, shit therapists, bigotry, etc. but then there's this fucked up saviour complex people have when they hear you're feeling... like, a certain way, where they call for "help" and treat you begging them not to as you just not wanting to help yourself - they do more harm than good in the process, but they feel good about themselves. so after this kind of thing happening to you, and/or after various other events that kill your trust in people, and if your situation is one of those where cliché lines like "it gets better" simply don't apply and you've started to get irritated by them, and when all of your friends are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems and prejudices and vulnerabilities to really be there for you... and so on, it becomes easier and safer to just keep everything locked up inside, y'know? and why does anybody think it'd help? in my experience, places will even fail to do the selling point (that's still up for debate, in terms of both ethics and efficacy) of keeping you away from things you can kermit unalive with - from smuggled in things, to surprisingly easy access to steal knives, scissors, the smoker lighter, shoelaces, etc, if you plan for ten seconds. do you remember how in school there was more chewing gum everywhere than basically anywhere else you've ever been since, all because chewing gum was banned? it's like that... but flavoured worse. I guess there's a lot of reasons that I can't and/or won't talk to people about feeling this certain way, and this post couldn't and doesn't bemoan even half of them. but this is notable because nobody wants to even admit that the saviour shit and the way the system is structured does more harm than good. I just want comfort, the old misery loves company, but without all of the risks and tiresome repeating of "it won't get better and- no, I'm not being a pessimist, I just know my situation more- stop getting offended that your hollow gesture wasn't appreciated" and so on. and I'm just tired of shouldering everyone else's troubles then they disappear or get angry or make things worse when I need anything more than a cup of tea and a catchphrase. sorry to yell at clouds, it just bewilders me you can be tortured for the first seven years of a shitty life, you can end up homeless multiple times and just falling to pieces, and the system still goes "well, good luck out there bro".
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rantingcrocodile · 2 years
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I need to vent. I work for a medical center as a new employee, and we had to do some training videos at the computers. One of the videos was about respecting patients who are from the LGBTQA+2xwhatever, and as a bi woman I immediately thought, "Oh boy, here we go."
It started out innocent enough, but as the video went on and on, I realize it was super heavy on protecting trans people's feelings and identity over all the other acronyms of the group. It talked about NB people, agenders and gender-queer, and of course trans women who are black and living in poverty. I don't have an issue over talking about trans women or trans people in general who DO face issues such as not being able to access high quality medical care just because they don't have a lot of money, but the video seemed very aggressive and chastising and it ended with a snobby "I hope you all learned something from all of this today."
It talked about nothing of the B or the L or the G, except that employees aren't allowed to say the word homosexual, or that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, instead we have to say that bi people are attracted to more than one gender. It barely spoke about men who have sex with other men, in fact it almost seemed like it was trying it's best NOT to explicitly talk about gay or bi men. Oh, and any attention about bi women and what we go through? Absolutely zero information about it. Lesbians also had nothing, except that we shouldn't assume that a patient's lesbian partner was born a female. 🤡
I'm not gonna lie but I'm just so jaded and envious that the T has ALL OF THIS support from everyone around them while bi people in general have nearly nothing to help us. I've known bisexuals who went through so many horrors in life and nobody makes training videos about us or how to be sensitive to our issues or our oppression. Nobody cries over bisexual women when we get bashed for having a girlfriend or a wife, nobody cries over bi men getting stabbed by murderous straight men, or that we have less money than other people of other orientations and we also cannot always access to high quality care unless we had backup like a rich family member somewhere to lean on.
I feel like I should not complain because I have some privileges in life that makes up for me being born bisexual and a woman, but... I don't know. I was really uncomfortable with what I've witnessed today and it hurts that this is something that is never going to get better for people like you and me.
It's horrible out there for anyone who doesn't solely fall under the T, and there's no support anywhere for bisexuals. If you don't happen to stumble across your own bisexual friend group, you're pretty much screwed.
You're always more than welcome to vent here, but what you are not going to do is minimise how you're feeling.
Privilege and oppression are not mathematics. You can't add and subtract privilege and oppression like a numbers game. They're simply individual points of privilege and oppression that you navigate in your own personal circumstances, and no privilege "makes up" for any kind of oppression. You only believe that because you've been taught that as both a woman and a bisexual that you're supposed to be silent and put everyone else before yourself. Because you're a bisexual woman, that's a double-whammy of demanded silence, obedience and denying your own needs so that you can be trained to serve others. Although it's hard work, you have to break free of that mindset and build your own boundaries.
The second thing is that it is going to get better. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not a few years from now, but it will get better.
If it's never going to get better, then what's the fight for? Why even care? If it's never going to improve, why not just lay down and take it all? What we go through now is wrong. Unfortunately, because everyone else has (had) their spotlight and we haven't, we have to start from the very basics.
There's a lot of scoffing about activism online, but you can't deny the power in this. I've made friends with people in this space who have admitted to starting by hate following me because they were so entrenched in their internalised biphobia and thought I had to be writing complete trash - right until their lightbulbs went off and they're now more accepting of their bisexuality. Just through conversations. Do you realise how empowering that is? Reaching a single person to relook at their own situation and then actually starting on the path to demanding better for themselves?
If you speak up, then you can make a difference. No single person can change the world, but if you can make a difference to one person, then that's the greatest start that there is. They can help another. It's all one long chain, and we're all links in that, one step at a time.
Have faith, speak up and demand better. When you do that, others will have the courage to speak up too, and then they learn that they can demand better, too.
That's how we make change. Small steps first, and then one day, someone much more impressive and important will learn and have the resources to teach more on a much grander scale.
It's about being realistic, not fatalistic.
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mutantchicohiphop · 2 months
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Lil' Vent
Eh, might just use this opportunity to vent a little.
Goddamn, I hate not living alone. I may be 19, but my mother still treats me like a baby. I obviously can't afford to live on my own, and I still can't afford a car of my own. I rely on my mom for transportation, and she refuses to let me go with people she doesn't approve of. She's let me go to a friend's house once or twice, but her paranoia gets the best of her. I know she cares about me, but it's annoying.
It feels like she still sees me as a helpless girl rather than a grown man with a need to socialize. My brothers have cars of their own, and they get to sleep with their girlfriends or disappear for days on end. She bugs them when they're away but still allows them to go. I can't go anywhere without her taking me somewhere. I hate it. When I brought this up to her, I got yelled at.
I told her I'm a legal adult and she's not obligated to look after me. I told her, "Why don't you kick me out then?" and she told me that I should just leave if I wanted to hang out with friends so much. I've always been trapped in the house when there's no school or extracurriculars. It's always been that way since I was a child. I've never been to birthday parties outside of family parties; I've never been to a sleepover unless it was at a cousin's house with exclusively family. I could never keep friendships at school because I could never invest time in them outside of school.
I have nowhere else to go. I have to deal with my brothers misgendering me 24/7 while I'm seen as the bad guy for even correcting them. My mom is the best supporter because she's allowed me to go on T and is trying to use my new pronouns. She's been through rough shit all her life, and she's not a bad mom. I love her, and I appreciate her support and all the sacrifices she made to parent me and love me. Since my dad left, she's been a bit better, but sometimes I feel like I drag her down by just existing. I feel like she's much happier when I'm at work or school because I'm not there to bother her or make her feel horrible.
My boyfriend of a year left me last month, and I feel like my mom is all I have here. I do have great friends online, but I want to have actual friends offline. I want to hang out with people, smile for them, and express myself. Most of all, I want someone by my side and someone to love me for me. I realized I'd been used for a year and even lied to. Some guy thought he was "unlovable" before he met me, yet used my emotions until he found someone "better." I was so angry and hurt when he sent that breakup message through a FUCKING gc we had with the other person. I want to hate him, but I can't. He offered to still be friends with me like we once were before dating, but I just couldn't. It felt like I had been lied to all along. I agreed to let him explore a relationship with someone else while he said he still wanted to live a life with me.
One year. One year of telling me how much he loved me, wanted to touch me and how much he loved my laugh, my blue hair, and my body. It felt like I could be loved, but I guess all of that was bullshit. I loved him with all of my heart, and this is the thanks I get. I think I won't be able to dye my hair blue for now because of what he'd say when I sent him pictures. Telling me that I look very attractive in blue hair. Now I feel like him leaving me was proof that no one can ever love me. Not even someone with more intense kinks than me could love me. I felt stupid for believing everything he told me.
Why don't I get therapy? Well, I went through a whole fucking screening process and shit. A fucking medical evaluation and everything. I'm still waiting for individual as well as family therapy. I'm still waiting for an appointment.
That's all I want to vent about before I fall asleep. I bot a blood test in the morning.
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thebeat-of-myheart · 6 months
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My mental health is the worst it's ever been. Even worse than my posts on here 8 years ago when I was constantly hoping I'd wake up dead. Depression as an adult (for me) has been more stable. Less fantasizing about suicide, more inability to get out of bed, because nothing brings me joy. I thought nothing brought me joy back then, but I was wrong. I had periods of numbness. But for the most part, I still made art, listened to music, watched my favorite movies to feel better. Now, I feel like an empty shell. There is no favourite movies. There is no art to be made. Music all sounds the same. I've been lying to myself and everyone else, pretending I'm still a real person with real hobbies and interests, for 3.5 years. Longest period of numbness yet. Quit my job because I had no passion. No interest in doing anything else. I used to have so much work ethic, but not anymore, because I can't find the energy to be passionate anywhere. I can't even find the energy to vacuum my room, or fix my sheets, stretch, eat, nothing. I avoid talking about this with my friends for the most part. I don't want them to know how dead I feel. Most can't understand. But it just keeps getting worse. Sorry for venting, I just needed to throw this out here somewhere. I think it would be better if I can talk about it. (4 covered therapy sessions will not do the trick unfortunately- i've tried, and I can't afford $200/hr). I just don't want to bring my other friends down. Luckily no one uses tumblr anymore lawl
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