#I just wanted to brain dump

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

[evil-ontheinside]

I have the feeling that Mike would lose all respect for Eddie if he sees him together with Steve. He sees Eddie pathetically flirting with an oblivious Steve and pulls a face, then goes to complain to Will about why Eddie has to have a crush on Steve. Will gets nervous bc fuck Mike is homophobic? but Mike just tells him about That Night (the one before 'human anatomy?') and that Eddie can't be cool anymore when he likes Steve who lost any chances of being genuinely respected by Mike. And now that Eddie has a crush/is dating Steve, all illusions of Eddie's charm are lost forever (this might also lead to Will coming out to Mike when he realizes that he wouldn't hate him and perhaps Mike coming out and love confessions and-)

So, whenever Steddie do something in front of the Party Mike has his look of irritation on his face and Eddie thinks he misjudged Mike when he notices bc Mike might be a little homophobic? Which doesn't fit into the whole dynamic he has going with Will but who knows. So Eddie asks him (in front of everyone bc he's not above outing a homophobe to their very accepting friend group) and Mike pulls that face again and just seconds before he opens his mouth Eddie recognizes it as regret and realizes Mike Wheeler is a little piece of shit. "I just can't believe I thought you were cool once" and Will (who now that he heard the story would give a lot to have seen that firsthand) starts to laugh while Eddie fully realizes that he lost any cool points he ever had with Mike

In the beginning, Eddie is so confused bc this child used to admire him, listen to everything he had to say, worship the ground he walks on and now he's dragging him every chance he gets. When Eddie asks why Mike suddenly lost all interest in him Will whispers 'it's the Harrington effect', Mike just nods and that's the only answer he gets

Mike becomes just as snarky and annoying with Eddie as he is with everyone else. And every time Mike gives him that look that says 'you're as dumb as a rock Eddie how do you not know this' Eddie is incredibly close to strangling him but also kind of happy that Mike finally is himself around him and not the blind puppy he was before

Eddie is also reluctantly impressed (reluctant bc now he can't give Mike the satisfaction of being impressed, not when he's such a brat) with Mike's problem-solving bc we know it's Mike who usually figures everything out. At least now he knows why Mike was such a good strategist during their campaign

Steve gives him a pat on the back in a moment of despair and says that it's probably his fault. Hopper chimes in that Mike is allergic to any kind of father/authority figure and that, now that he has parent status in the Party, it's just a natural development. Eddie has a whole new crisis that he's now some kind of father figure to the kids

[maxgicalgirl]

No but for real have we found a solution for rejection sensitive dysphoria yet ? Like does anyone else who has this have coping mechanisms that work ? I am genuinely asking please help

[darkcreamz95]

So yeah place your bets on whether this happened or not during the shoot...

[bunny-shaped-bread]

Im genuinely so obsessed and will forever be obsessed with the way love is portrayed in Hannibal, it’s so impactful even if it’s not particularly healthy love. They need each other and throughout the whole series thats painfully clear to the viewer. The love Hannibal and Will have for each other is almost obnoxious to those around them, it’s like they gave their souls to one another without a single word of discussion about it beforehand. They know they have the other till death, they know they’re both obsessed with the other but in the many attempts to stop it from worsening, they fail. They’re soulmates no matter how hard one tries to get away. In the end they’ve given in completely and the ending scene shows how trusting and accepting they are of each others decisions and feelings.

[disposal-blueeee]

another super self-indulgent chapter 20 / 21 drawing

edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez

scriabin belongs to @zarla-s

[vorestarr]

thoughts on vampirism as a symbol of trauma

i've been thinking about this in relation to Astarion's story arc for a while and started writing this post a couple times, only to have it become much longer than expected, so for now this post is just going to be about the different paths of ascension vs spawn from the end of his personal quest. (i think there are multiple ways to read his story, and this is just the way i've been reading and thinking about it.)

the basic idea of this post is that Astarion's vampirism is a physical manifestation or symbol of his trauma, and therefore the two different ending paths for him are distinguished by how he addresses his vampirism (and therefore trauma).

it's pretty clear that the vampirism itself is a traumatic experience for Astarion, from how he describes almost dying, then actually dying, and then everything that comes afterwards at Cazador's hands. but i think of this a step further, in that the actual symptoms of vampirism are also part of this. there's an idea that there are physical manifestations of traumatic experiences held in the body, even if the trauma itself was psychological in nature (i.e., the body keeps the score). this is how i read vampirism for Astarion, specifically.

to start, he's turned into a vampire after a traumatic experience (almost being killed by a group of people one night). he's "saved" from this by Cazador turning him into a vampire, but still his body literally dies when he turns into a vampire, which is another separate traumatic event where he feels himself die and then has to climb out of his own grave. (also noted, i believe it's hinted that Cazador orchestrated the attack on Astarion that almost killed him in the first place, so Cazador is the cause of all of this trauma in one event that is Astarion becoming a vampire.)

his body is physically changed by the experience. he loses things because of it, maybe things that were not particularly important to him but now seem incredibly important once they're gone (like walking in the sun) or things that were previously important to him and now he can no longer enjoy (living indulgences and pleasures like food, or his own reflection). also critically, he cannot get those things back. his life is changed (literally ended) and there's no fixing it.

he learns coping strategies during the subsequent 200 years, which i will not get into in this post, but suffice to say that he learned things that he believed would protect him in the moment.

after the tadpole when he experiences freedom from Cazador's influence for the first time, there are some critical shifts that happen to start him on a path to address these things, or not. the recent interview where the devs mention that the ascended path is one of fear, i really agreed with and have said similar things in previous posts, because to me, i think the main difference between how Astarion acts in those paths is that for ascension, he relies on the methods he learned in those 200 years to survive in the moment, while in the spawn path, he learns new ways to cope.

to elaborate on that, i think the ascension path specifically is about avoidance.

in trauma, avoidance is what it sounds like: avoiding any triggers or negative emotions related to the traumatic experience. the avoidance can manifest in different ways, but a key idea is that by avoiding those negative feelings, they are never actually addressed.

i think there are two big ways this manifests in Astarion's story, related to vampirism:

ascended Astarion is avoiding those negative feelings of fear of Cazador (or someone else doing what Cazador did) by focusing on seizing power and control. if he's more powerful, in control of a situation, then nothing bad can happen to him again. the way this ties back to vampirism as a symbol of trauma is that this is literally described to us in the game as the natural course of life for vampires: they live in fear of other vampires, fear of their own spawn seizing their power, etc. this is the story of Vellioth and Cazador, and then later Cazador and Astarion (regardless of the choice he makes to ascend or not). we even get a list of vampires where ALL their life spans/eras of power are timed so that we can infer that each subsequent vampire has killed the previous vampire to dethrone them. so, vampirism itself is trauma and the known course of vampirism is this same cycle we see repeated with multiple vampires and histories in game. by taking a different path and not becoming a full vampire, spawn Astarion has started to learn a new way of dealing with his vampirism/trauma, rather than avoiding it.

the OTHER major way i see this manifest in the game is how ascension and spawn paths deal with the literal symptoms of vampirism: walking in the sun, Astarion's reflection, food versus drinking blood, the vampiric state of undeath, etc. these are all things that changed about Astarion when he became a vampire, and things that (in the normal course of events) cannot be changed back. he died, he's dead, there's no curing his vampirism. in other words, there's no going back to who he was before the traumatic experiences. that by itself is a neutral statement, the same way that there's no going back to who a person is before any major event (be it meeting someone important, choosing to take a certain job, etc etc), because we are all constantly changing and growing. HOWEVER, i think the places with Astarion where this stops being neutral is how he addresses that fact: with acceptance or avoidance.

to elaborate on the second point, which is my main reason for making this post:

on the spawn path, Astarion learns new ways to be and to live with his vampirism. in his epilogue, he can mention that he's not bothered by losing the sun again, he can describe finding a sense of belonging with others who share his vampirism, and he can define himself in new ways that he's picked for himself rather than stay in the definition of vampire that Cazador held.

in the ascension path, Astarion avoids all of those difficult realizations and choices. he falls back on the same strategies that helped him survive in the moment for those 200 years, but which can and do hurt him after escaping that environment. he's working hard to keep from addressing those negative feelings -- and on the surface, this works! he can walk in the sun without the tadpole! he has new vampire powers and he can do all the things he lost when he died! he can see his own reflection again! but, he's still a vampire, still has his fangs, still has his red eyes.

this is why i think the route is characterized by fear and why i found that interview with the devs interesting: by focusing on all those avoidance behaviors, Astarion ends up being stuck in a state of mind that's all about fear because it's all about avoiding that feeling. he feels great in the moment because he has been able to claim back some of what was taken from him, but this is not a solution because he's still a vampire.

personally, i do not read the ascension path as continuing a cycle of abuse, but as the continuation of avoiding the painful process of healing from trauma.

ascended Astarion is elated after killing Cazador because he feels the power flowing through him and it makes him feel safe in the moment, and because he is avoiding addressing any lingering feelings of pain or negativity, including avoiding addressing that he just killed 7000 people.

spawn Astarion meanwhile looks absolutely miserable immediately after killing Cazador when he cries and breaks down, and then he feels numb later because he's so overwhelmed. this i think resembles something that can happen in trauma therapy, where a person feels worse when they initially start addressing and working through their trauma, because it means actually feeling all of those negative emotions they've been avoiding.

in the end, ascended Astarion has not changed how he addresses his trauma or vampirism, and the ascension has actually given him more tools to continue avoidance. spawn Astarion meanwhile is exploring other ways of living with his vampirism, and can be experiencing success with that by the time the epilogue rolls around (even if there are some bumps and regressions along the way, like losing his ability to walk in the sun again).

because this is my main reading, i also don't think this makes ascended Astarion evil or irredeemable -- i think he shows that he does still have all the emotions that he's displayed through the game and therefore he still has the potential to follow the same path that spawn Astarion did in healing. but, the critical thing with the ascension path is that he does not have the clear motivation or triggering event to start him down that path. he's further away from that, and it will take more work to get there. everything he did after all comes back to the ways he learned to survive under Cazador, so those behaviors helped him at one point. the issue is that he's past the point of those things helping him, but he can't let them go.

tl;dr: i like looking at vampirism itself as a physical symbol of trauma and as a way to read Astarion's potential storylines, because it provides a context for me to view how the ascension and spawn paths treat his vampiric symptoms -- avoiding them in the ascension path by giving him an "out" of sorts to avoid addressing how those symptoms impact his life because of the extra abilities granted to him by the ritual, versus being forced to grapple with them and figure out a way to life with them and even enjoy them on his own terms in the spawn ending.

if you read this whole post, thanks for sticking with me and feel free to share your thoughts too. :)

[robottheodorlasso]

Since I’m already dumping a bunch of sketches, here are a few more for the generic light fantasy au that lives inside my head rent free (aka my poor excuse to give Trent a sword) (read the captions and tags for a little more context)

[stewyonmolly]

i am so inherently against romestewy as anything Real or Functional bc i think stewy legitimately believes roman is both a child and a louse but he also is led by his dick a little bit like if his dick is into it his mind can be convinced to do nefarious deeds

[phontao]

necrosis

[jonathanbiers]

Argyle never gets frustrated with Steve when he doesn’t understand something. He doesn’t roll his eyes, or give That Sigh. He explains things patiently, if a bit abstractly, and when Steve is way off base Argyle runs with it. Is Vecna a vampire? Whoa that would be wild, man! Do you think he can’t have garlic? We could just take him out with a gnarly garlic pie, my dude!

the way you're seeing into my mind.... argyle being really soft with steve and taking the time to make sure he doesn't feel stupid when he's confused is something i've considered AT LENGTH (specifically in dms with @himbohohoharringtxn who has the unfortunate luck of being on the receiving end of Most of my argyle thoughts fdjghkdfj)

i would like to preface this by saying that i am firmly in "argyle and steve are both genuinely smart" territory. i think steve is very neurodivergent coded (i see the arguments for adhd/autism/dyslexia/ocd and as someone who might be autistic but is diagnosed with the other three....i see these arguments and i agree on all fronts) and there's also the head trauma of it all, though that's not what this is about. he's not fucking dumb, he just needs things broken down and explained to him in a very specific way. nothing wrong with that!

as far as argyle is concerned - we've literally seen him in action noticing small details no one else has(one of my fav parallels between them), which ends up being the reason the cali group finds nina and el. he's not fucking dumb either, just delivered to us as a comic relief stoner character with little dimension because the duffers need to be fucking stopped

BUT ANYWAY! you're so right! argyle would see the way steve sometimes gets brushed off and spoken over. the rest don't mean it to be hurtful and steve tries not to show that it does sometimes sting (because it's really not that big of a deal to him and it's not like they're being outright mean) but he would ABSOLUTELY "yes and-" whatever steve's off the wall question or idea was, if anything just to make him laugh, relieve some of the tension. AND IT WORKS is the thing.

it's not just, "duuuude, what if we just lure vecna into the sun? he'll be TOAST in five seconds flat, no fighting necessary. nancy, you can put the gun down, we're gonna hurl garlic cloves at him with a slingshot!" in one fell swoop, argyle is 1. making sure steve feels heard and not spoken over; 2. acknowledging steve's input and effort in a way that, let's be honest, the others don't do very often; 3. putting a smile on the group's faces for a while because fuck they're kids in a stressful situation and need a laugh; 4. putting himself in the line of fire so the others can rag on him instead.

argyle would do this when they aren't even dating yet and steve definitely would not be normal about it, he'd be smiling so big and soft and then argyle would catch his eye and smile back and they'd have this little quiet moment between them amidst all the chaos and dread.

after they're dating though? oh, they'd be INSUFFERABLE. they'd be such a pda couple, with the ridiculous pet names("what the fuck did you just call me?" "don't worry about it, my lil sweet potato pie."), and the open flirting until their friends are fake-retching, the whole nine yards. argyle is hanging off of steve's back with his arms around his waist and not even acknowledging it as he makes his argument to the rest of the group that, "no, no, listen. steve is onto something here, i just know. what if-"

and when they're alone, it'd be less of the theatrics and silliness and more of the gentle patience. they're both smart in really different ways and when argyle gets something steve doesn't and steve is getting a little frustrated about it, he'd take his hand or pull him close and just distract him with a little bit of affection to get him to cool down because he knows being frustrated isn't going to help steve figure out whatever it is. conversely, steve does the same when he's trying to explain something to argyle - though he's less likely to get as frustrated when confused, and more likely to pretend to take longer to get it than he actually does because listening to steve explain a subject he's knowledgeable about is fucking hot, can you blame him? they're just soft with each other, okay

[sleepy-za]

teenage mokie design + post canon shenanigans?!?!

mokuba is going thru is teenage rebellion phase and seto is NOT having it...he is a diva fr

mokuba does modeling as a side gig with shizuka and he’s working with Yuugi to revamp capmon chess. he’s super popular on social media too

his design is pretty much just a final fantasy/kingdom hearts character. Belts galore! the typical yugioh bondage gear LMAO

yuugi works at kaiba corp to help with game design and general duel monsters stuff. he and seto are more of friends now instead of just rivals. he’s taking over his grandfather’s game shop since he retired.

seto is still managing kaibacorp with all his flamboyant stunts and fashion choices but mokuba is now apart of that too! he has a habit of breaking his bones and walking it off like it’s nothing. he has old man eyes and old man bones so he wears glasses and wears a wrist brace most of the time to help with carpal tunnel and early onset arthritis.

[snowangeldotmp3]

tw: internalized homophobia dedicated to @figthefruitfaeth bc zoey and i were talking abt comp het and femme4butch nancy and then this was born.

Something is wrong with Nancy.

This was her third failed date since her breakup with Jonathan.

She doesn’t know what it is, why this was her third failed date. Nancy doesn’t do failed dates, much less three of them within the span of a few weeks. She’s not gonna call him—James or Jasper or whatever his name was—the date was awkward and suffocating and Nancy really just wanted to leave, but, manners and all that. To make things worse, Nancy just, couldn’t find him attractive. It felt like a pity date on his part, mostly. And to make things worse, they had absolutely nothing in common. He kept talking about what he expects from a woman; a stay at home wife and kids and everything that Nancy detested. Everything she actively wanted to avoid.

At least her and Jonathan had shared trauma, and a genuine connection—even if it was as just friends.

That’s why they’d broken up, actually. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, she did! She loved him more than she ever thought about loving Steve, but it wasn’t in the way that she knew he ought to be loved; he deserved better than that. She couldn’t love him more than that. There was something wrong with her.

She just doesn’t know what.

Nancy sighs, rubbing her face and staring back at the ceiling. The ceiling stares back, and Nancy knows, despite the downpour outside, that she will not be sleeping tonight. At least, not for a little while, anyway.

She tosses to one side, arm curled under the pillow, now staring at her bubblegum pink walls, and recalls the events of all three failed dates, trying to see where they all went wrong. And all three come back the same; Nancy just... didn’t like them.

If she’s honest, she would’ve rather spent time with Robin at Family Video, unofficially stocking tapes and goofing off, making a ranking list of best to worst Molly Ringwald movies. Or listening to Robin ramble about whatever book she’s reading, or about her nerves for college.

Now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t even know why she went on those dates in the first place.

That’s a lie. She does know why. She needed a distraction. A distraction from a certain dirty blonde who works at the video store.

Nancy doesn’t know why she can’t stop thinking about Robin. She should be thinking about Jeremiah or Jacob or whoever the hell she saw tonight, but, no matter what, she keeps going back to Robin.

Her and Robin’s friendship had come easy after spring break. Both of them too afraid to be alone for too long, and Nancy specifically, wanted to make sure nothing bad would happen to Robin. She almost lost her in the Upside Down and she was not going to lose another person to that godforsaken place.

And maybe that’s why Nancy can’t stop thinking about Robin, because she reminded Nancy so much of Barbara. Down to Robin’s nerdy little interests, so close to Barb’s own nerdy interests—stuff that Barb was always so passionate about that Nancy always wanted to listen to her. Couldn’t help but listen to her. Nancy was never sure what it was with Barb, why she always felt this magnetic air around her, an electricity that Nancy constantly tried to ignore when Barb would accidentally brush her pinkie walking side by side in the hallways. She always wanted to be around Barb, and she could never figure out why.

Why Nancy loved it when she made Barb laugh with her stupid jokes; why she thought seeing Barb smile—she could be a little serious, much more serious than Nancy, so making Barb smile was usually the highlight of Nancy’s day—was like winning the lottery. Why their sleepovers always ended with Nancy curled up into Barb’s side, trying to get warm, and an arm slung over her waist, pulling her closer.

Why her death destroyed Nancy. A mourning that sometimes, Nancy never thinks she'll get over. What happens when you don’t know where to put all of that grief? Where does it go?

Nancy huffs, turning to the other side, where bubblegum walls and Tom Cruise stare back at her, still wide awake.

It was nice to have another friend, too, one that she could call in the middle of the night and talk about anything—everything—and feel like she’s got a real friend again. A best friend, even. She’s not a replacement for Barb by any means--nobody could replace her, but it is nice to have someone to talk to again. Someone who shares her love for stupid little jokes and who never fails to make Nancy laugh, even when she doesn’t want to. Someone who Nancy feels drawn to; this warm, giddy feeling inside when Nancy hangs out with her.

Thinking about Robin now—her laugh, her eyes, her hands—the feeling returns, taking root and blossoming inside of her, warming her inside and out, making her face flush and her stomach flip. Nancy can’t help but smile softly into the darkness.

Isn’t that how she was supposed to feel about Jack? That fluttery nervous feeling?

Wasn’t that how she was supposed to feel about Steve? And Jonathan? And the other two guys she went on a date with?

What was wrong with her?

[scottie-draws-sometimes]

Various sketches of the mane 6 as villains

I’ve had a lot of fun thinking up this idea :DD I might do full references for them if I find the time

Bonus Pinkie y Dash interactions bc I love this version of them soooo much

They hate each other n prank each other all the time <3

[goldkirk]

I'm taking a survey--I'd love to talk about thoughts for Shutterbug Series and the magic Tim series on here, but I also don't want to spoil the story or future events for people.

Do you feel okay with me just talking about whatever I want even if it's spoilers or even if I don't end up writing it?

Or would it really make it hard for you if I was on here posting potential spoilers at random?

Would you be okay with it IF I had a separate tag for just-thoughts-and-ramblings like "shutterbug braindump" that you could blacklist?