#I know for some it's like 'oh they're doing the bare minimum' but my god are they both a breath of fresh air in that house and irl too

[awigglycultist]

Can you imagine Cory, Ovi and Turner on a season of Big Brother together? They would just be going around shutting down all the bulling and bigotry the whole season, it'd be great

[oh-no-its-bird]

Obkk modern au where where Kakashi and Obito are online friends who have never seen eachothers faces. It's a years long friendship (and mutual silent crush) where they've helped eachother through what was truly the darkest parts of eachothers lives.

But irl they also happen to know eachother from childhood due to having gone to the same schools and shared the same classes, and they fucking DESPISE the other. You can not stick them in a room without someone starting a fight.

When they interact irl, play into specifically the early dynamics of obkk, with kind of superficially happy/dumb Obito and a "follow the rules to the letter" grumpy overachiever Kakashi

But when they're online, play more into the older obkk dynamic.

Where Obito shows that he has a pretty big mean streak/humor and a serious talent for playing dumb; where he overlays his happier side irl for just social reasons.

While Kakashi shows he's actually super lazy and imperfect with most other factors of his life outside of work/school (and ofc downplays his actual work ethic when it comes to work/school, framing himself as doing bare minimum when he should really do more (bc he genuinley believes that)) and has a pretty wicked sense of humor himself, a love of over-romantic, fluffy porn, and a habit of using endless "cute" emotocons

Kk: Did my proposal today, it was so bad... I really slacked off this time on it. I was so nervous they'd tell me no (｡﹏｡")

Kk: I guess the other presentations must have been pretty bad too because they picked mine anyways? I feel so lucky (╥﹏╥)

Ob: it's ok even if you tried your best!! Im proud you were able to do even as much as you did.

Ob: I'm glad you got it, at least one of us won their proposal today. That jackass had a fucking 30 slide detailed slide with 6 DIFFERENT PIE CHARTS and a scheduled water break inbetween. Fucking kissass

Kk: nooo im sorry ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)

Ob: it's whatever. Just glad you got the thing :)

Ob: want me to kill your boss tho.

Kk: lol

Kk: I'll help hide the body ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

And then one day Obito does some sort of very mean prank on Kakashi. And it goes uhh. Badly.

I mean, badly for Kakashi. Obito thinks it went great!

That is till he gets home and finds his best friend for a decade, and crush for even past that decade, texting him about a very specific mean prank that got pulled on them.

Wait. No. Wait. WAIT. FUCK.

So like. Obito is a bit conflicted now. He doesn't know what to really do here??? Like. What if it ruins everything with his best friend??? But also hey best friend why the FUCK are you such a BITCH.

But also also, suddenly Obito is recontextualizing SO many of their interactions— from Kakashi suffering the devistating loss of his father when he was especially annoying, to explanations of why he reacted certain ways. And oh my god Obito is... also a kind of a bitch???

Obito has NO idea what to do and is just swinging so violently back and forth on what are really his only two options.

And sometimes he's like gleefully feeling vindictive bc after arguing with irl Kakashi, online Kakashi is ranting about "that same asshole again" at work, so Obito is like "I KNEW it was getting to u, haha you're NOT better than me after all!!!"

But then later he feels kinda bad about it bc like. Aw wait no he actually might have genuinley hurt the person he loves. And also he doesn't want to lose getting to see the real Kakashi, a mix of both of his masks, by fucking this up and choosing wrong.

Anyways Kakashi finally somehow figures it out on his own, they fight, they make up, they make out.

The end yay happy ending

There's an alternate universe where neither of them every found out about eachother and continued to be friends online and hate eachother to escalating degrees offline. But one day they start to slowly shift in dynamics. Irl they get closer and online they get so much angrier and more distant. Till we've swapped and now online they just have this GIANT fallout but offline they're actually in love now. And this continues till they're about to get married/no longer on speaking terms with eachother. And so on their wedding day they reach out again online but ONLY to hate on eachother like "oooo fuck you I'm so happy rn I just got MARRIED."

"Oh yeah you bitch??? So did I. And my husbands better than anything your ugly ass could ever pull"

"FUCK YOU MY HUSBANDS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOURS IS PROBABLY LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE SHIT"

"OH YEAH????"

"YEAH!!!"

"PROVE IT!"

And then they very sharply turn and take simultaneous photos of eachothers furious faces and then angrily, instinctivley press send.

And then they stop. And then they have a moment of dead silence.

And then they begin to have an actual, physical fist fight in front of the uncut wedding cake with ALL of their friends and families watching. And the photographers with their very ready cameras.

There was a lot of cake.

Yeah that was ah uhh. Interesting

The good news at least is now they have a photo of them fist fighting like they want to kill eachother while covered in wedding cake in a frame that says "happy marriage <3" on it, and they like to joke about it (to many, many peoples horror)

The end yay happy ending x2

If I were to write this fr I think I'd legally have to write both versions bc both are excellent

[leandra-winchester]

The Tommy timeline is making me insane

We know the 911 writers are REALLY crap about timelines. I mean, just within the Eddie Begins episode there are several dates that just don't add up. I love those writers, but they can't even count to 10, lol.

Tommy was never supposed to come back, so him being in his late 20s-ish in 2005 when Chim joins the 118 was of no consequence, but now that Tommy is back, that makes it really difficult to say how old he really is.

Some people have speculated that he's 45, but I find that too old. Lou was born in Nov 1984, which makes him 39 currently. I could see Tommy being 1-2 years older than that AT MOST.

So let's say Tommy was born in early 1983 and go from there.

He would have started school at 6.5 and finished HS at 18 years old in 2001. Which means he could have joined the army that year and started training to be a helicopter pilot.

There's a program called "From Street to Seat", also sometimes called "High school to Flight School", so that is a possibility. Training would have been around 2 - 2.5 years until he'd achieved the rank of Warranty Officer and be a fully trained helicopter pilot in late 2003. After that, you have to enlist for TEN years at minimum to repay them getting you through flight school.

At that point, the US had entered the war in Afghanistan and just started the one in Iraq.

Tommy could have been stationed anywhere in the US, or been deployed to one of those countries, or at first, as a still very young officer, been deployed to an allied country like Germany. In the early 2000s, there were many bases in Germany where US soldiers were stationed, only serving short missions in Afghanistan or Iraq. So that's an option if we don't want him to be permanently stationed inside a war zone.

Now, how did young Tommy leave the army early so he ended up being a firefighter just two years later?

Well, there's always medical discharge, but if it was for any injury, him already being a member of the team (and by the looks of it no longer a probie) in 2005 is a bit tight. He'd have to recover from his injury, then apply, then be accepted, do the basic training at the academy (18 weeks) and his probie year... so yeah, that's really a very tight timeline.

Another option would have been Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Back then, army members could not be actively asked if they're gay and therefore fired for it, but if they voluntarily disclosed/confirmed it, they would be kicked out.

If he was lucky (and probably the version I'm going for in my fic), and had a very lenient superior officer, he might be offered medical discharge for depression. Usually, that can get you out of the army pretty quickly.

So, to recap:

Born between Jan/June 1983

Finished high school summer 2001, joined the army

Finished flight school in fall 2003, was deployed somewhere or in service in the US

Found out/discharged in early 2004

Started LAFD academy in summer/fall 2004

Started his probie year end of 2004

Just finished it when Chimney joined in (should be late) 2005, at now 22 years old.

Still an incredibly tight timeline, and I wish Chim joining had been more like 2007 or so, but alas. It works.

You are welcome.

And I need to lie down. God I hate inconsistent timelines, lol.

Oh and I just looked it up, and apparently you're only a probie for 6 months at the LAFD, so I guess that makes it a little easier.

I mean, if you shift things around a little, you could even make him only 40 now, born in summer 1983 instead of early. Maybe he was initially gifted and able to enroll in school at just barely 6 years old.

[anonymouspuzzler]

Haha Whoops Uh Oh! (UPDATED 6/11/23)

so this isn't the type of post I normally like to make, but! uh! hey! I just got ambushed by a HUGE tuition bill I wasn't expecting, and I'm out of options to pay it - they've already applied my scholarship and loans, I'm already working multiple jobs that are basically just barely paying for rent + groceries, and I only have enough on my credit card to pay for One of the three payments they're requiring, which only gets me through till July (with, again, no options that get me that amount of money by that time).

further full disclosure, this bill came at like, the worst possible time - they've given me four days to make at minimum the first payment (which, again, I can only do by maxing out my credit card), and on top of juggling multiple jobs I'm also in the middle of two classes, including one which involves upcoming travel (that is already paid for, thank god). Hence, me Scrambling a li'l bit!!

as such, I've set a new goal on my ko-fi!! it is, of course, HUGE, but genuinely any small amount people are able to contribute goes a huge way to giving me SOME way to pay it off. note that 3-coffee doodle requests are still A Thing, commissions are still a thing (if you have one active I'll be getting to them this & next week), and I'll be streaming wherever I can to pull together money that way - wherever it comes, any support is HUGE and I mean that.

UPDATE 6/11/23: I am updating the original post to remove the ko-fi link and yet you fine folks know: HOLY HECK, y'all managed to get my tuition dealt with. words truly cannot express my gratitude for that - I'm so, so, SO humbled and thankful for everyone who came out to get me out of a really rough situation.

in the slightest, smallest attempt to pay forward the kindness i've been shown, I'm gonna try and use this moment to direct y'alls attention to some other folks I know who could use some kindness! hardly comprehensive, in no particular order, just top-of-my-mind type type beat. (note that these are all folks' twitter handles - some of 'em are on tumblr too, but I figure best to direct you to where I know they are 100%!)

@/Pochiyaki is a friend & artist who's been trying to get out of a bad money situation a while, and could definitely use some love!

@/rudeboimonster is similarly a dear friend who's been struggling to find long-term work and housing, anything you got would help.

Or, considering supporting the work of a creative you love! A few I've been loving lately that I'd recommend:

@/cosmignon (Runaway Draikana webcoming, and other comics and illustration work)

@/SynthCharmVA (voicework & writing/show development)

@/Tonya_Song (music - including vocals, piano and composition - plus education and activism work)

@/jaypg_art (character design, visdev, and illustration)

@/littlegoodfrog (Matchmaker and other comics)

@/winonaparadise (Girls With Horns and other comics/illustration work)

@/derekmballard (comics, including the upcoming Cartoonshow graphic novel)

@/_PartyCoffin_ (Welcome Home, and just about every art form you can conceive of)

and of course, if you're not following & supporting my amazing partner @/hollowtones, who helped me through this tough situation in every possible way - well you ought to be!! a delight and talent in every imaginable way, and I'm only a little biased on that.

and above all else... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!

[evilminji]

As I have recently discussed, with the ESTEEMED Quirk Scholar @mayfay !

Suprise Quirk Accident Babies! Gotta love um!

They're the, ironically enough, love child of "suprise child acquisition" and "suddenly pregnant" troupes! But SPEEDRUN! Because THAT IS A TODDLER/BABY! Right here. Right now!

Just?

POOF!

✨️~BABY~✨️

And now YOU! Yes, YOU! Get to deal with it. All those vague "do I want to be a parent someday? Would it be SAFE? I am READY?" Questions AND MORE! Suddenly NOT SO VAGUE.

Suddenly VERY RELAVENT. Immediate. People are asking you questions you are GOING to need to answer. And?

You are not the only parent.

You might be JUST out of fucking high-school. Staring down a top lister, high 20, maybe TOP TEN, Hero. Who is society gonna choose here? Your barely adult ass... or them? You might never see your kid again if they decide to take them. Decide to be an asshole.

They have enemies, too.

Can... can you HANDLE those enemies? To protect your kid?

It's been less then fifteen minutes. Fight has barely ended and your sitting under a shock blanket. Decisions are going to have to be made. And all you can think is the sound of your own panicked screaming. Static white noise. The reporters and shady Goverment officials already circling like sharks. Gotta make a decision. Gotta make a decision. Gotta....

It is? The BEST.

The more unlikely the combos the better! My asexual ass is thriving! Fuck yeah! Free baby, no sex!!! You can have platonic child rearing shenanigans! Interesting Self Insert Setups! New OCs! Character dramas! Or romance, if your into that sorta thing!

But you know what I think would be funny as hell?

The continued bloodline curse of AfO being so Platonicly Yandere at his own kin that they go Rabidly Feral Wet Cat and try to claw his throat out, bare minimum! Because obviously HE isn't the problem here! No, no, it's everyone ELSE that caused the issues last time! He doesn't have to learn from past mistakes! He's perfect! (Spoken by the world's most delusional man)

He ALSO has lost track of how many minor quirks he has shoved in metaphorical pockets at the moment. As he is, as always, a kleptomaniac. The way the react to each other? Cascade and shift? React to OTHER outside quirks?

Ha! He's never fucking studied that. Why would he study that!? He has power to steal.

So... set the scene~

Toshinori v. Afo: Kamino Ward.

Make the changes you please, add or subtract Heros, but the BIG TWO are there. They clash. Like Titans. Like GODS. AfO getting frisky with his quirk use, throwing everything at the wall. But?

Oh. This time. THIS TIME, you bastard! Toshinori is NOT ALONE!

The power of community, of an ARMY, is not to be underestimated. They make be struggling. Have broken bones and worse. But they know he just... just needs ONE shot! They... they can give him one shot.

Even if it's the last thing they ever do.

Because? They are god damned HEROES.

AfO feels his legs rip out from under him, just as he's about to dodge. It's going to be a killshot. He may... potentially... THEORETICALLY... conceivably... possibly... panic... just a bit. MAYBE. A microscopic amount.

He lashes out.

With everything.

And he DOES mean everything. Yes, including that "grow flowers" and the "summon apples towards you"Quirk, for all the good THOSE would have done.

Something? Happens.

The blast hits the Oaf infront of him... and? Resonates. Like the striking of a great clear bell. It RINGS. Deafening. Without noise. The damn brat...rewinds? No. He's not younger. He RESETS! OH YOU MOTHER FU-!

Something sliding off him. Like dust. From the reset. Drifting towards other dust.

Swirling. Some merging, like planets forming. Most not enough. Turning grey and falling to the ground. But... but he can SEE it. A whisp of white hair gets in the way. HIS hair. Ha. Ha ha hA HA HA HA HA!!! Reset! NOT JUST YOU, ALL MIGHT!

The heroes are getting up. It doesn't matter. He'll just put them BACK on the ground.

INTO it this time.

But then?

The dust from him, all might, so many others. Solidifies, compresses, the pops like a firework. Dumping a very started black hair, blue eyed, toddler on the ground.

AfO connects the dots first. He has AfO hair texture. Quirk weirdness just happened and their is ALWAYS a cost or drawback to Quirks. Such as... any overflow creates an infant? Did he just make his own child?

Not risking it.

He lunges.

All Might lunges for the simple reason of "oh GOD SUPERVILLIAN AND A BABY!" D:> same as every other hero there.

Meanwhile DANNY? Retired Halfa Superhero, Zone Councilman, and LATE to his DnD night... is beginning to suspect THIS is what Clockwork meant when he said "some roads take longer to get home".

Was that that a "Lol good luck buddy"!?

@mutable-manifestation @babbling-babull @legitimatesatanspawn @hypewinter @hdgnj

[redbatchedcumbermayned]

"I didn’t even know that there was the possibility of a romance option when voicing Heinrix" - Interviewing Chris Tester part 2

We're continuing our interview with Chris Tester, the voice of Heinrix van Calox in Owlcat's CRPG Rogue Trader. In this part we speak about insights into Heinrix's character, how the process of recording voice lines for a video game works, if Chris would romance Heinrix in game, and interacting with his fans.

Part 1 of the interview

Part 3 of the interview

I will publish this interview in three parts over the next week in text form and with the accompanying audio file (the audio quality is not spectacular but tumblr limits uploads to 10MB). If you quote or reshare, please quote me as the original source.

F: So, you already talked a bit about Heinrix as a character. What drew you to the character or what hidden depth did you find in the character?

CT: Well, I hope I found some depth to the character. That contrast between principles or values that you seem to be holding onto and lots of unprocessed trauma going on underneath. Sure, that seems interesting, that seems like a really interesting thing to find. Because you can understand, therefore, the appeal of an ideology, which gives you the answers and it tells you what to do. Essentially, it gives you a role, authority, it gives you status, you completely understand the appeal of that. Just like I find voice-over incredibly appealing and exciting: it gives me structure and authority and the illusion that I know what I'm talking about and what I'm doing. 

And then there's the flip side: you could make him heretical in some way, shape or form. And you know, I love, obviously, the fact that he belongs to part of that world which I'm sort of familiar with. Where a lot of the more interesting characters are the ones that have disavowed this God Emperor kind of like status in one way or the other, they tend to have a little bit more going on. They're not two-dimensional villains, not all of them, not all of the time anyway. Whereas on the one hand he's not going full chaos, there was just an interesting tension there to explore. Also, it kind of reminded me a little bit of the Eisenhorn series, which again, it's an Inquisitor that through his pursuit of different things starts to question and use the powers of the warp for his own purposes. A very different character, but still, there are those parallels that I really liked, that fallibility, that vulnerability to a degree, but I wouldn't say too much because I didn't really know how vulnerable or how much of a journey he was going to have in the early stages. I didn't know that until we were recording, I'll be honest. 

And I didn’t even know that there was the possibility of a romance option, until we were like: Oh, these are romancing lines. And I was like, you what now? So, sorry, I appear to be saying some quite forward things, from his point of view anyway, that's slightly taken me aback. They were like: oh yeah, you're romanceable, you can have a romance. I was like, oh, okay, right. I'll just think back to the five hours or so of recording that we've done up to this point and pray that I've made the right choices. So that was a bit of a crazy ride, but thanks to Olga, the writer of my character, she gave really astute directions. She wasn't in all of the sessions, but the majority, especially when there were big plot beats to explain to me what the hell was going on, however, roughly. She was great. And also the technicians at 3B. I was working with a lot of different members of the group technicians slash directors as well. And they were great in terms of giving me not exactly the bare minimum details, but the bare minimum details that I needed in order to be able to make choices quickly, but strongly and relevant to the game. So yeah, it was quite a trip.

F: Thank you. Since you have been trained as a stage actor do you bring a certain physicality to voice acting? If you embody Heinrix, do you puff your chest? Are you rigid?

CT: Definitely. I think there's the reason why rather than having a small booth, I record in a room is, that I can explore those dynamics as much as possible. And the fact that I was able to record standing and very upright and taking that space was vitally important. Obviously, there's the action stuff that really helps when you're actually making fighting noises. That's one thing. But I think in terms of real subtle differences to be able to, as well as mic proximity when he's speaking under his breath and that kind of thing, that's obviously incredibly vital, but even the subtle things of being able to have that big open physicality because he is so often so imperious because he thinks he's absolutely right. That was a vital aspect to explore and just being able to be upright and expressive in that made such a huge difference. 

And also when, without wanting to give too much away, he's in more constricted circumstances, shall we say, trying to do that just purely through the voice means that it all becomes about the sound that you're making as opposed to the truth of the character's journey without wanting to be, again, too much of a cliche, but focusing on that rather than am I making the right gurgling noise?

F: Were you offered any other character to audition for Owlcat? Or if you could, which other character would you like to voice?

CT: I couldn't say any of the other characters. I do play a couple of NPCs randomly. I think before even I had Heinrix. There's some cockney London geezer in there that is immediately disposable. That was me. That was my kind of guaranteed role. I was like, great, fantastic, because I did the audition for Heinrix and then there was quite a few months before it was actually kind of confirmed. I thought the role had gone to somebody else. As with many of these things, you just don't hear back. If you don't hear back, you just assume it's dead and then suddenly it'll come back up or it won't or you'll see another voice actor posting on Instagram going “amazing session” and you slightly die inside and then you move on. 

But in terms of the other characters, I mean, I've met, at least digitally online, the vast majority of the principal companion cast and they're all lovely and amazing and I associate them with their performances. For better or worse, Heinrix is very much my kind of casting and I loved it. Not because he's pretty in a particularly posh kind of way, but that helps. Sure, I'll go with that kind of slightly emotionally constipated. I'm very well cast, very well done, but I think so is everybody else. Throughout the entire game, it's a bit of a who's who, they might not be all household names, but in terms of for myself, the actors that I know in some big parts and some really small parts, the actors that I know in the UK and in the U.S. voice-over scene, so much talent, so that it was just an honour to be included in that really.

F: So now I have to ask you a question from our discord server. Would you romance Heinrix if you were playing a female Rogue Trader? 

CT: I think that would be a bit weird. No, I'll just watch videos of other people romancing him slash me. Is that more or less weird? I mean, I'm 42 years old. I've spent far too much time playing with myself already. So, let's just draw a line under that, but other people are welcome to. That's absolutely fine. My only thing, without wanting to overstate it too much, is that I was very surprised that there was anything around any character that I've been related to but as with so many of the other companions as well, that's a testament to the writing. Credit to the whole Owlcat team in that respect.

F: Would you like to continue working with Owlcat in the future in another capacity?

CT: Oh, God. Yeah. They've not made me sign an NDA, so I can say, not name a thing, but there's DLC for one of their other titles, which I'm going to be in, and that's in a completely different world. There's that thing of once you've had one really positive experience with the developer and the type of games that they create. The ones that are very story focused, that's the type of games that I'm passionate about. I was brought up on these things like the Mass Effect Trilogy. You know, that absolutely iconic kind of stuff, and so to be a part of someone else's experience to facilitate that kind of longer storytelling stuff is exactly what I would be after. They've got a great process, amazing writers and I also think that the games themselves look fantastic. So yeah, I'm a fan of that.

F: So your fan base has certainly expanded since the release of the game. Do you mind having a female fan base now? Have you noticed that there is a bit of a shift because Warhammer 40k for the totally uninitiated looks like a male hobby and unfortunately some part of the male fans are very aggressive against female fans.

CT: Are absolutely ridiculous. Idiots, essentially. Because my relationship to the whole Warhammer 40k thing is like, I played it when I was really young, and then you put away your childish things. I'm saying that in inverted commas, that's kind of ironic or whatever, and then didn't really get back into it until someone gave me a book and I realised that the lore was actually quite good, quite interesting, and then actually really good and really interesting, and I therefore have done some novels for them and a couple of video games as well. 

But to your question, do I mind? No, of course I don't mind. I'm very happily married and well adjusted, so I definitely don't mind as long as it's all respectful, if that makes sense. Surprise, surprise, female fans seem to conduct themselves with that level of respect or if there is a server which is going into crazy, crazy character scenarios and that kind of stuff, no one's sending me a link to that. And even if it is, it's the character, it's not me, and so that's all quite healthy and good. And I think I'm definitely not in a position where I should be censoring any of that kind of thing at all. I think it's all positive and very, very healthy and everybody that I've interacted with has been incredibly respectful. So, I think that's great. 

And I think being able to portray these characters that offer that level of connection is great. We're in a post Baldur's Gate world, I suppose. Not that there weren't other games that did this, but on that scale and everything. I think the value that the games can offer in that. Rogue Trader is hugely valuable and I definitely wouldn't want to censure any of that at all.

F: Yeah, it was nice. I reconnected a lot with people who have this fandom experience again that I had in the Eddie Redmayne fandom more than 10 years ago when it was small, when you have a rather small group of fans and then a very nice person that you're a fan of, and you can interact with.

CT: So people have contacted me via Cameo, for example. And, you know, they've had a certain particular playthrough and then they say, well, I would like you to voice this letter from Heinrix or whatever.

F: That was me.

CT: There have been more than just you is what I'm saying, but sorry, not to say that I'm a whore and I'll just do anything, but you're not the only person who has come to me with that kind of thing. And that's great. That's a pleasure, because it's continuing to tell the story on a wider scale. But also the fact that you can personalise and make it your own. And that's the brilliant thing. 

That's part of the whole appeal of a video game, as opposed to it being a theatre piece or a film or something else is that it was very much your experience, your playthrough. You can have multiple versions of the thing that you kind of like one but you can really structure your own narrative. And that's a fascinating thing. You get to iterate on it yourself. You know, if one stage of that is also being able to call upon the voice actor to facilitate that, I think that's a cool thing, you know, as long as it doesn't get too weird or too whatever, but you know, whatever two consenting adults want to exchange money for or time, great, fine. I think that's less weird than getting an AI to do it personally. I think that level of storytelling is a great thing.

[worlds-oldest-teenager]

I’m interested. How do Apollo and Artemis’s desire to protect each other drive a wedge between them?

I'm glad you askeddd. Thank you for being my first anon ever btw. (@crowmakeska-boom idk if you are the anon but anon, whoever you are, sorry for the wait). This is probably not a very good meta cause it's mostly vibes, gut feelings and filling in the blanks with below the bare minimum of textual evidence but oh well. 

First I'd like to talk about why I think Artemis and Apollo's relationship is kind of distant. They're a confusing duo. When you first meet them in the titan's curse it may seem they don't like each other much or atleast Artemis seems to not be paticularly fond of her brother. Calling him “irresponsible”, “lazy”, “big headed”. But reading between the lines reveals how much the two of them care for each other, especially on Apollo's part from all the illegal help he was dishing out to the questers.

But then when you read some more, their relationship just feels a tad too distant to completely take what they say as just banter. When we see them on Delos in Blood of Olympus the distance is literal. They're recycling banter that's getting old and you can tell that even if it had been lighthearted before, it’s definitely getting on both their nerves now (stolen from fsinger lmao). They’ve both been playing the part for a long time but it feels like they don’t have the closeness anymore to recognize they’re both just playing parts. 

So what happened?

I think it's their need to protect each other that's causing this rift between them. From my point of view Artemis & Apollo are protecting each other from different things but Olympus is at the core of it for the both of them.

The twins have a very different experience of Olympus. Since her introduction Artemis seems pretty critical of Olympus. According to the hunters she's the only one who can get the ball rolling during solstice meetings and she's shown to not really act the Olympian way. Taking the sky off the shoulders of a mortal girl. Shrinking herself down to make the human heroes feel more comfortable and demanding they get rewarded.

It wouldn't be far fetched to assume that she's never fit in with Olympus and doesn't agree with most of the views of her family.

Then there's Apollo.

Who fits in so perfectly with the messed up inner workings of Olympus or so people think. He's perfected his mask over the years and no one is the wiser about the abuse he's gone through or even the fact that this isn't actually who he is.

To me, Artemis wants to protect Apollo from Olympus' true nature. In her head she's got every part of Olympus figured out and for the most part she has. Even if it's not something that works for her I think she would want to protect her younger brother from knowing what the kind of people he surrounds himself with are truly like.

I feel like Artemis would be conflicted on it for other reasons too because if Apollo is aware of the kind of people the Olympians are and he's alright with that, what kind of god is Apollo?

So she'd much rather think of him as stupid and irresponsible cause those atleast mean that it isn't he isn't a bad person. But I feel deep down she doesn't really believe completely that what she knows of her brother is correct.

But then she sees the way Zeus loves Apollo and cares for him and in her mind it's the right decision to let him live this way. He is safer now than they ever were as children.

Apollo on the other hand wants to conceal their father's true nature from Artemis. We know that he cares deeply about appearing fine on the surface because of how others would worry and who would worry more than his older sister.

Artemis and Apollo may be the protectors of youth but the first ever youth they protected were each other. It's the foundation of their relationship and caries on into the present day. Both of them feel a desperate need to protect each other.

I would go so far as to say that this is THE relationship they have with each other. The both of them never find comfort in each other, only protection. You can tell that comfort is not something they usually derive from each other from the way they're both completely blindsided by simple things like an "I love you" , a hug and just concern in general.

Comfort from each other is not a priority for them no matter how much they crave it. The twins purpose to each other is to protect.

So of course Apollo would never tell Artemis about the way Zeus hurts him.

I also think there's a little bit of denial on Artemis' part on just how abusive Zeus is. Cause Apollo is dropping hints. Even the way Artemis talks during Blood of Olympus makes it clear that she understands Zeus is gonna massacre the guy. She just doesn't want to believe it will be permanent.

And it's got a lot to do with the fact that she wants to protect him. Because if she acknowledges this isn't a situation Apollo is gonna come out from unscathed that means that she's incapable of protecting him. That means that she's failed to protect him before and cannot protect him again.

So she'd much rather pretend that Zeus is persuadable and not that bad. That it's Apollo's fault Zeus comes down so hard on him and if he were a little better and a bit more like her he could be safe.

And this would hurt Apollo because Artemis can pinpoint exactly what Zeus is like. But instead of comforting him she confirms for him that this is his fault. That if he could be better none of this would happen. Artemis helps prevent but never helps heal because helping her brother heal means he was in a position to be hurt in the first place.

All this mess and miscommunication and disbelief stemming from the fact that they love each other and never want to see each other hurt creates an impossible distance between them.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly but surely they're trying to comfort/ seek comfort instead of just protect each other.

I wept on my sister’s shoulder. I felt like if I let go of Artemis, I would fall back into Chaos. Huge parts of my identity would shake loose, and I would never be able to find all the puzzle pieces. “Whoa, there.” She patted my back awkwardly. “Okay, little fella. You’re all right now. You made it.”

Apollo's trials sucked. But I'm glad it's given the twins the opportunity to bridge the gap between their relationship again.

[catscidr]

«grip on your top is so tight you think he might even rip it, god knows the last time he had to trim his nails» 😭😭❤️‍🔥

I've always wondered how Zandik's hygiene is. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit about it. The only thing he cares about is the mechanisms. And how do you think 500 years ago students washed at sumeru?

you’ve come to the right person nonnie i love elaborating about seemingly boring and mundane details lemme ramble for a hot second (￣^￣ )ゞ

-> i talked about what i think his shaving habits would be like a couple of weeks ago (here). i think he would be less inclined to shave as an akademiya student than when he’s “Prime” because he just has.... so much to do, so little time. as a young adult he does grow a decent amount of facial hair (not enough for a full beard though i think), and as much as he dislikes having it, he doesn’t really bother to shave it unless it starts to get on his nerves. like, if he’s head-first into machinery and he keeps rubbing his stubble on the metal...... he’ll get back to his dorm room and quickly shave off the annoying stubble lol. but he doesn't shave it regularly, no. he doesn't gaf about his appearance, really, so doesn't care enough to have a routine

(naturally i like to think there's dorms in the akademiya LOL a shame genshin doesn't expand on living spaces other than just a couple of houses here and there sadge ˙◠˙ )

-> i like to think he’s a heavy nail biter to make up for having barely ever touched a nail file/clipper in his life. it helps him focus sometimes when he's locked tf in. some of his nails are less affected than others, like his pinky fingernails. even though they're all mostly dull, cracked or bitten off there’s definitely potential for him to scratch someone if he truly wanted to. and i'm sure he’d just rips his nails off when they got in the way of whatever research he's doing..

-> but boy oh BOY best for last. i think that they would maybe handwash their clothes in a tub/basin with soap, or if they don't have anything of the sort they could go up north to sumeru city and wash their clothes in the river.

.......but at the same time they did have akasha terminals (going off dottore's vague lore timeline because greater lord rukkhadevata created the akasha system and died around 500 years ago, so im assuming maybe dottore would have been in the akademiya when she died? but my brain hurts thinking about the possibilities so lets assume they all had akasha systems when he was enrolled lol)....... so maybe they had the technology to create basic washing machines (maybe something like this?)

though i'm sure he wouldn't bother himself with a proper hygiene routine, probably only washing himself and his uniform when it got dirty enough (which was probably often anyways) (and i'm sure the akademiya would basically just dresscode him if he showed up to class with soot and oil all over him, too)

and i like to think that maybe the akademiya dorms would have communal bathrooms/"showers" as well. but at the same time it's a super prestigious school so they could have individual bathrooms for each dorm room...... but at the same time² we're talking about 500 years ago........ so............. hmm..............................

in general he's more focused on research and conducting experiments n getting results, so being spotless would be the least of his worries. if he ended up getting sick as a result of his less-than-socially-acceptable hygiene he'd probably just use it as learning experience and use that knowledge for future experiments, like on his eleazar patients in that abandoned hospital. he'd do the bare minimum to Not get sick, has to dedicate as much time as he can in the akademiya to study forbidden knowledge. can't be bedridden with a fever, that's for pussies and he's Not a pussy... probably his daily affirmation. "i'm not a pussy, i am better than everyone. they all suck ass and i'm an alpha". yeah anyways

but WHATEVER!!!!!! tl;dr: he's a grimy little guy and reeks of blood sometimes but its ok we love him either way♡

[itsjaywalkers]

can I have regulus holding a little lamb 🐑 please

i don't know if this is what you had in mind nonnie but . here u go:

"Regulus?"

He startles a little, his jump making the tiny body between his arms shift slightly, a weak bleat that almost sounds like a protest dragging a frown out of him as he turns around. Regulus shushes the animal gently, rocking it against his chest before he finally looks at the person in front of him.

It isn't who he had been waiting for, considering he had called his brother, but taking into account Sirius' worrying levels of codependency when it comes to his friends, he supposes he should've seen it coming.

"Potter," he greets him, eyebrow arched. "Is my brother gonna make an appearance at some point or is he using you to elude his responsibilities? Again."

Potter starts shaking his head effusively even before Regulus has finished talking, the desperation in the gesture nearly making him roll his eyes. Always so quick to defend Sirius' honour.

"Oh, no, he's coming, I swear he's coming," James reassures him, offering him an apologetic smile. "He got held off at work, so he called me and told me you had an emergency and asked me to keep you company until he arrived."

"And couldn't he had called me to tell me that?" Regulus inquires.

James looks away, rubbing at the back of his neck. "He didn't think you would've reacted well. He said it'd be... easier to just. Send me here without a heads up, to make sure you wouldn't refuse."

He cringes at the end, and even though it's the bare minimum, Regulus finds some satisfaction in Potter's obvious discomfort. It's nice to know that he isn't the only one who finds some of his brother's methods despicable, despite the usual good intentions behind them.

"So Sirius' reaction to me asking for his help is to bring his best friend to deal with the issue without consulting me about it first," he states blankly, disappointed at the fact that he isn't even that upset about the whole ordeal. Really, it's classic Sirius behaviour. They're okay now, usually at least, but part of him is always waiting for him to fuck up one way or another. "Nice to know."

"C'mon, Reg, you know that's not it—"

"Don't call me that."

Potter has the audacity to roll his eyes. "Okay, Regulus. But really, he wanted to be here, and he will be, as soon as he's done with work. This was out of his control. And he asked me to come because he didn't want you to wait for god knows how long on your own."

"Whatever," Regulus huffs, refusing to admit that hearing about Sirius' concern is enough to soften him a little. Just a tiny bit.

There's a beat of silence after that. Regulus isn't going to entertain a conversation with James Potter of all people, and besides, he's busy trying to calm the animal he's holding between his arms, which is still quite restless. Regulus doesn't blame it. He's pretty unnerved by Potter's presence himself.

Of course, and considering who he's with, it doesn't last.

"Potter," he calls him, making him snap his head up, one of his hands coming up to readjust his glasses. "Spit it out."

"What?"

Regulus represses the urge to scoff. "It's obvious there's something you wanna say. I can almost hear you thinking, and it's pissing me off, so just—fucking say it."

"Um," Potter starts, blinking a couple of times, eyes alternating between Regulus' face and his chest. "That's—a lamb. You're holding a lamb."

"Astute observation."

Potter snorts. "You gonna elaborate on that, or...?"

"I'd rather not," Regulus sniffs, raising his chin slightly.

Potter opens his mouth, more than ready to whine, maybe even push, but in the end, he simply lets out a deep sigh before closing it. The sound is resigned, which pleases Regulus, but also a little fond, which only manages to confuse him.

Although, if he's being honest, most of Potter's actions do. In ways he does his best not to think about.

"Can I at least touch it?" Potter questions, tilting his head to the right as he watches the lamb intently.

Regulus' first instinct is to refuse. But he doesn't know how long he's going to have to be alone with Potter, and antagonising the other man will probably just make this whole thing even more awkward. Tenser. Not to mention, the lamb is quite adorable, and if nothing else, he understands Potter's want to get close to it.

He nods, and Potter looks so taken aback for a second that Regulus is almost offended. But then, and before he has the chance to change his mind, Potter is moving, closing the distance in fast strides.

He's less than a breath away barely a second later, and Regulus feels dizzy all of a sudden, a woodsy scent filling his senses and a lovely warmth surrounding his limbs. He has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from letting out an embarrassing noise.

"Careful," he warns when Potter simply goes for it, eager and clumsy, the rushed movement dragging another weak bleat from the lamb.

"Sorry," Potter says in a whisper, so near his breath hits the side of Regulus' face. It sends a shiver down his spine.

He tries again, gentler this time, making a show of putting his hand in front of the animal. Potter waits a few seconds, and then goes to caress its head, slow and patient, watching out for any discomfort and stopping every time the lamb squirms.

As soon as the lamb looks relaxed in Potter's presence, he finally reaches out properly, touching softly and with care. The lamb barely reacts, apart from a tiny shift of his head, pressing against the contact. It makes him laugh delightedly, and Regulus hates that he can't look away.

Potter raises his head right after, a bright grin curving his lips. But they're so close that their noses graze each other with the movement, breaths intermingling, and his smile falls the moment he realises, hand stilling on top of the lamb's head.

Regulus feels his traitorous heart stutter in his chest. He wants to step back, needing to put some distance between them, but his body refuses to respond, no matter how many times he gives the command.

He's barely breathing when he licks his lips, throat dry and full of knots. And he definitely stops when Potter's gaze falls to his mouth, eyes darkening dangerously and body leaning forward, intentions more than clear.

Regulus doesn't think Potter is aware of what he's doing, and yet, this knowledge isn't enough for him to put an end to it. To pull Potter out of his daze. Push him away.

No, instead, Regulus also leans in, fingers twitching against the body between his arms. He gulps, heart beating wildly in his chest, and then he starts to close his eyes, the first contact of Potter's lips against his making him tremble. It's tentative, and so soft it can't even be called a kiss. But it still leaves him aching for more.

A needy sound crawls out of Potter's mouth, and when Regulus is about to press closer, crash their mouths together, a loud bleat makes them both jump apart.

Tending to the little lamb in his arms comes as a reflex, and Regulus is more than grateful for the distraction, even though it isn't enough to keep colour from rushing to his cheeks. He tries to focus on shushing the animal, on caressing it until it calms down, doing his best to make it feel safe. But his mind is somewhere else, on someone else, and before he can stop it, he's sneaking a glance at the other man.

Regulus' heart almost stops when he sees Potter's expression. Eyes dark and still fixed on him. Lips parted and shiny. Glasses askew. Breathing uneven.

When Regulus notices his closed fists resting at his side, knuckles almost white from how hard he seems to be holding back, he has to tear his gaze away, face burning.

Fuck.

[themightymoose]

Secret Cupet

Here we are folks. The episode I've heard whispers about for so very long

I'm scared :(

Poor Youngmee is just being manhandled

"I'm confused." mecore

That laugh ain't that bad

Josh is so chill I aspire to be like that

*GASP* DOG YAOI REAL????

They're people watching in a very creepy way right now

Russell... my aro ace king who we stan

Also might I say Pepper probably wouldn't be doing that or is it too early in the episode to tell

Poor Vinnie leave him alone :(

Yeah Pepper feels ooc here

This mustn't stand

Is this gonna be another "hating on the boys for whatever reason" episode

Penny Ling aphobic moment

This episode is already getting on my nerves and I'm only 3 minutes in oh geez oh no

A goat and a pig on a leash 💀

Russell looks like he wants to die

I thought Russell was gonna call it creepy

Oh god I don't like seeing that

"They call it writing ✨a letter✨"

Youngmee is best therapist

I hate this goat

Honestly Russell is doing god's work rn

Oh my god we got a reprise :0

BOOOOOOOO >:0

Russell has to deal with these dumbasses

I love their friendship it's beautiful

The record scratch 💀

Uh oh oh dear

We get it Hasbro he's the stupid one

Blythe is so confused

This acting is so bleh

Oh it's Sugar Sprinkles

This is actually pretty disturbing if you think about it for more than two seconds

Damn Russell is flying now

Russell sounds drunk

The pure terror she must be going through

Minka is canonically color blind

Russell stop talking like that I don't like it

Teleportation powers

I feel so bad for them 😭😭😭

I hate it I hate it so much

At least Zoe is saved from the A plot

Penny is literally screaming for her life I don't even know what to say to that

GO AWAAAAAYYYY SUGAR OH MY GOOODD

Was she just waiting for her moment

They're hiding now while the boys are literally doing this against their will

THEY'RE SCREAMING THEY'RE TERRIFIED I CAN'T-

"Aw, they're playing hard to get." Sftu

This is very painful I'm very sad

Did Sugar just call them touch-starved

Kinda funny but she's ignoring the fact this is not consensual in the slightest

Pepper looked like she was about to strangle Sugar Sprinkles for a second

Huh at least it didn't take much convincing

How did she even do that

Bruh don't thank her it was the barest of bare minimums that she could do

They have literally every right to be mad

I'm going to strangle this cat

And Sugar Sprinkles doesn't even learn some kind of lesson does she

Like how she shouldn't mind control people

Sugar Sugar Sugar come here I just want to talk okay I promise that's it

And they're still being creepy

I was expecting Russell to break the ukulele

He should've

Anyways if there's a fix-it fic of this episode somewhere I would love to see it

If it exists of course

Which it probably doesn't

[yourtouchismidas]

Can you write smth about Matty shutting down sexist comments about his family? Like men will be praised for doing the bare minimum with their family while women are expected to do everything as their “job”?

yes ofc i love this idea.

so i think matty walks a line with how much he talks about his children, and you, in interviews. obviously there is a large part of him that wants to keep your privacy locked down, barely any details out there about you, to never be asked. but then there is another part, which wants to tell the whole world about you. to boast. to wax on. to tell funny stories about shay's games, or brag about valley's test scores, or post pictures of the twins chubby cheeks, or to talk about gigi starting a band with her friends. he picks and chooses very carefully and on top of that it is always a family decision. increasingly though, its been hard to keep you all under wraps, because of the sheer size of the family. fans bump into him in the street when he has a baby strapped to both sides of him. shay waves at people and chatters their ears off about "daddys band" until matty has to playfully put his hand over her mouth while the fans all coo at her. names are kept secret, full names at least, but the size of his family and the little army of mattys that follows him around now is a pretty well known fact. you also run a popular book shop in london, where the band have been known to play some secret pop up sessions, and have signed the doors in the toilets which you've then framed, so fans pilgrimage there and take photos with you too, if you're willing.

so when the radio interviewer asks matty, "you've just had some new additions to the family, haven't you?" he is comfortable enough to say, "yes. i have. my twins."

"big family now huh? was that always the plan?"

"oh god no," matty chuckles. "i always wanted kids. but the how and the when and the erm volume of them just kind of happened. love them. they're the best. hi girls if you're listening. they aren't. by the way. they've got better things to do apparently."

the dj laughs. "i'm sure you're a great father. and having a dad in a band that must be pretty cool."

"erm, again, i dont think they really care. like i know to you lot, i mean to some people, im like matty healy oh my god, matty healy from the 1975 but to my daughter's i'm just dad. or if you're my eldest, you call me matty as well."

"does she really?"

"uh huh," he says, "or matthew. dead cute. it's dead cute."

"and how are you finding being on tour without them? does it get hard?"

"of course," matty smiles, starting to get nervous about how long he is lingering on the girls. he knows jamie has briefed them, but maybe not hammered it home enough. "we make it work though."

"must be hard for them to be away from you. and for your wife too."

matty clears his throat, "like i said, we make it work. everyone has a different life. this is ours. wouldn't change it."

"and is your song true?" the interviewer asks, "do you do the nappies?"

matty laughs again, more comfortable. music. talking about music.

"yeah," he says, "of course i do."

"your wife is a lucky woman. to have a hands on dad like you then. she must love it when you're home to babysit."

"babysit?" matty says, his voice hardening.

"well you know, with you being away..."

"i dont babysit, mate. they're my children. i brought them into the world too. they're just as much my responsibility as hers."

"i know i was just...."

"well dont just mate. okay. think about what you're saying. isnt it sad?"

"I mean yeah..."

"isnt it sad that you think she is lucky? she shouldn't have to be called lucky. equal parenting should be the norm. she's not lucky. you shouldnt be... no one should be batting an eyelid."

"i'm sorry matty, i didnt mean to upset you."

"i know you didn't. but think of the women you might have upset. i dont want my daughter raised in a world like that. i think you should apologize to my wife."

"i will."

"no time like the present."

"you want me to.... you want me to. on air?"

"may as well. right your wrongs now. if my girls listen back, which they wont, i need to them to know that you can hold people accountable"

"okay," the interviewer says, his voice small, "i'm sorry."

"and you're sorry to all women?"

"yeah," he says, "i am really sorry. i shouldn't have put it like that."

"by the way, for the record, my wife runs a really successful book shop as well as being a mum. we're both working parents and we both rock it. shout out to heartbeat books, soho. go buy a book everyone. they also have good coffee. love you darling!"

they cut to a song. jamie shrugs at the dj. he must have hammered it home. when they come back they talk about matty's music.

[cassiebones]

Speak No Evil (2024)

I have so much that I want to say about this film.

There will be spoilers.

First and foremost, Ben Dalton is THE MOST useless character I have ever seen in any horror movie ever made, and that is saying A LOT because have you SEEN some of the useless bitches in horror movies?

Ben is worse. Here is a list of his transgressions.

Loses his daughter's stuffed bunny (to be honest, I think the other family stole it, but still) and then criticizes her about having it in the first place like???? She's an 11yo with anxiety; LET HER HAVE HER BUNNY.

ALLOWS HIS 11YO DAUGHTER TO RIDE THE BIKE OF AN UNFAMILIAR MAN DESPITE HIS WIFE'S OBVIOUS DISCOMFORT. Like, Louise is clearly Not Okay with her preteen child getting on this strange man's bike, no matter how hot y'all think James McAvoy is. Even with his "family" right there next to them. YOU JUST DO NOT DO THAT. AND IN EUROPE OF ALL PLACES.

Just generally acting like his wife is overreacting every single time she doesn't feel comfortable with something weird this other couple does. And I think he only gets away with it partly because she feels so guilty about cheating on him. But she's reacting pretty normally for all the weird shit they're pulling. And he is obvs in love with Paddy (James McAvoy; legit had to look up the name).

There's a line that Paddy says when Ben asks him "why?" and it is actually super good: "because you let us." Because yeah, Ben is such a fucking pushover, but only when it comes to Paddy. Because he thinks Paddy is cool and because he's a bit in love with him, I swear to God there should have been a kiss scene. And, yes, Louise is also a bit of a pushover, but she's constantly receiving pressure from her husband and sometimes from her daughter and she has that cheater's guilt, so she's inclined to do what they want, unfortunately.

ALLOWS AN UNKNOWN MAN TO BABYSIT HIS CHILD. Like?????????? Louise is also guilty of this, but he convinced her it would be fine. Like no??? My mom and dad would have started packing immediately.

DOESN'T GRAB A HAMMER WHEN THEY ARE GETTING SUPPLIES TO FIX HIS TIRE. LIKE YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE ARE SHITTY AND MURDEROUS. TAKE THE HAMMER. BRAIN THE MANIAC.

He didn't do SHIT during any fight scene in this movie. It was all Louise as far as I remember. Literally. All he does is drive and hold a ladder up AFTER breaking his knee. He helps move some furniture for barricades but that is the bare fucking MINIMUM. Louise is the one that sprays acid in Paddy's face. Louise is the one that brains Ciara (creep wife) with a brick that ultimately kills her. Agnes is the one that stabs him with a needle. Agnes also finds clever ways to get her parents in private to talk by faking her period. And then ANT is the one who kills Paddy with a hammer. BEN DID FUCKING NOTHING.

That last thing - not killing Paddy - pissed me the fuck off. He could have at least done that one thing. This man has KILLED dozens of people and tried to take your daughter as a child bride AFTER trying to also kill you and you were just gonna let him live??? Poor Ant took out all his trauma with that brick. He's gonna need so much therapy which hopefully is covered by Britain's healthcare system because they live in London and, oh yeah, BEN HAS NO JOB. HIS WIFE QUIT HERS TO FOLLOW HIM. SERIOUSLY FUCK BEN.

There's probably more, but onto the movie.

This couple ignored way too many red flags. The first would have been Paddy (who was an abject stranger at the time, let's not forget) offering to give their daughter a ride. The daughter, Agnes, is eleven, let's not forget, and so probably doesn't have a strong concept of stranger danger, especially for the man who found her precious bunny, Hoppy. The Protagonist Wife, Louise, is uncomfortable with this (presumably because she is a normal human being and mother/woman) but Dad/Ben is like, yeah it's fine. They'll be right back. Look, his wife and child are here. Surely, he wouldn't abandon them.

Bro what

I mean he brings her back, but that's obviously just to build trust. I'm not sure how they continued to actually hang out with this weird af couple because I would have probably blocked them after the whole toilet paper debate IN PUBLIC because I'd be so embarrassed.

But that's just me.

This couple ignores so many red flags. And Ben pressures Louise into not acting like the normal human being that she is. Because he's in love with Paddy. Obviously.

On their first night at the Creep Family's house, Paddy force feeds Louise (a vocal vegetarian) meat. She is too polite to remind them that she doesn't eat meat. This is definitely another test.

Paddy convinces them to jump into a lake in their underwear which??????? They are wearing coats as they go on a walk. Is it not cold??? What the actual fuck? Red Flag

They invite them out to dinner and all three of them get dressed up in nice clothes, only to be told that the kids aren't coming with them and "hey look, it's our random neighbor with a tragic backstory who's gonna watch your preteen daughter and nothing bad is gonna happen at all, look he did a magic trick surely that means he's a swell guy, right?" Red Flag.

Once again, Louise is uncomfy, but Ben convinces her Agnes will be A-OK. Thankfully, she is.

They pull even more weird shit at dinner. Ciara pretends to give Paddy a BJ under the table and Ben and Louise just watch. RED FUCKING FLAG.

At some point, it comes out that Paddy and Ciara have been married for 17 years, which is insane because Paddy is so clearly much older than Ciara (sorry James, but you are aging, my friend) and Ciara doesn't look like she would have been legal SEVENTEEN FUCKIN YEARS AGO. R E D F L A G

While they're away doing that, Ant shows Agnes the watches and tries to make her understand, but he doesn't know sign language (or English, bc I'm so certain that his real parents were from a Norse or Germanic country) and she doesn't really get what he's trying to tell her, so it's all for nought. They move that one watch, though, and that raises a flag for Paddy later.

A red one.

Back at dinner, they saddle Ben and Louise with the bill. Another test that is failed. Also a major red flag.

Louise's cheating plotline comes out because Ben is being a lil bitch and I sort of understand why she cheated because this man is the definition of Small Dick Energy. They have some kind of convo and make up and go to sleep. Then she wakes up a few hours later and goes to check on her kid and finds her - gasp - missing!

So she goes searching and finally finds her in PADDY AND CIARA'S BEDROOM. My theory is that they drugged these kids because as Louise is pulling her daughter out of their bed (like a normal fucking human being), she is just so lethargic. She carries her to the other bedroom and places her down and she just flops over. She could be tired of course, but that's just very weird to me so I'm gonna throw down another red flag. Also I don't think Ant would willingly climb into bed with those two. Neither would Agnes.

So they leave for the first time.

Or they try to.

Agnes forgets Hoppy. I believe she dropped it in Paddy and Ciara's bedroom when she was being pulled out of their bed, but it could have been lost somewhere else. I just cannot believe that somebody who is so dependent and anxious without that bunny would actually forget it like that. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT MEANS THEY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Tbh, my parents would have kept driving and stuck to that "we'll ask them to send it" and if I had kicked the back of the driver's seat like that? I would not be alive anymore.

But of course, despite Ben being a dick about her bunny, he finally turns around and they go back.

There, he gets out of the car and tells them to stay and he'll be right back.

Do they stay in the car? No ofc not. It's a horror movie.

Louise doesn't wait like twenty seconds before she gets out, too, leaving her daughter. That's a red flag on her this time tbh.

They go in and talk to the family and Ciara says she was just trying to soothe Agnes because Louise wasn't coming (as if you have no idea where she was, bitch? please) and the family is placated and convinced to stay longer.

Fucking. Idiots.

Paddy takes Ben for a walk at some point and I cannot remember when but I think it may be after they come back. They scream into the woods, which is super weird and a lil gay tbh. I expect a kiss here, but I am disappointed. Sigh. Red Flag behavior.

Agnes and Ant show the parents their dance to Cotton Eyed Joe (a song about an STD that already has an agreed-upon dance, remember?) and Paddy just goes insane. Because of his meltdown, Agnes says she doesn't want to dance anymore, but Paddy convinces Ben who convinces her to dance again. Louise is trying to stand up for her daughter (because, once again, she is a normal human being and loves her child) but Ben is like "it wouldn't hurt" Fuck off, Ben. I hope Agnes goes no-contact with you as soon as she's old enough.

They start to do it again, but Ant is awkward and Paddy loses his shit. Again. So they stop. This whole scene is such a red flag idk how they didn't just leave. Especially after he throws something at Ant. Like???

There's also a scene where Ciara tries to parent Agnes and Louise is rightfully like???? Don't parent my child. And they make another BS Red Flag excuse. Fuck them.

Paddy goes and passes out bc he apparently drank too much and Ant sneaks in and grabs his keys.

This kids is smart as fuck, okay? He does EVERYTHING he possibly can to help this dumbfuck man and his family. He gets the key and plays horrible catch with Agnes, leading her into the basement of the shed where he finally shows her the horrible truth about his "parents", including a picture of him sticking out his tongue with his REAL parents behind him. Agnes, smart child that she is, understands immediately and then makes a plan with Ant to escape.

As she's coming back up the hill, she asks her Asshole of a Father to play catch and he's just like no I'm talking, so she goes and stabs herself in the thigh and pretends to get her first period, which obviously warrants her mother taking her into the bathroom to talk her through it. Then Agnes shows her the photos she took of the photo album and the shit really starts.

They try to escape, I'll give them that. If it hadn't been for fucking HOPPY the damn bunny, they would have been safe and sound (not Ant but tbh RIP). But nope. They make an excuse to leave bc this is a big moment for their daughter so they should be home now.

Nope. Flat tire.

They change the tire.

Hoppy is missing. It's up in the gutter ofc.

Ben climbs the ladder with Paddy at the base. Grabs bunny and throws it down before climbing down.

Oh no. Hoppy is destroyed pretty much. Mom says they'll get it fixed at home haha let's go!

Ben does a very nice thing and tells Ant to get the gate for them, presumably so they can take them with them when they leave. Unfortunately, Paddy has a remote for the gate. So they leave. Finally.

Agnes watches out the rearview window as Paddy just shoves Ant (who cannot swim) into their little pond. Ben, being decent I guess, jumps out of the car, telling them to drive away without them, and into the pond to save this poor, traumatized child.

I'll begrudgingly give him this one. It's the penultimate useful thing he does.

The last one is holding the ladder for them to climb from the house after his wife kills Ciara. He barely holds onto his daughter when she's about to fall off the room.

He. Is. Useless.

This is when the family drops all pretense and shit starts to go down. Louise is a Boss Ass Bitch for the majority of the time. She is the Brains, Brawns, and Badass in this relationship. Agnes is also very smart grabbing the needle and stabbing Paddy with it when he holds her hostage.

This is Ben's fault, by the way. When she climbs down the ladder, he tells ONLY HER to run to the car. Not stay with us so we can protect you. Run to the car when we have no idea where the homicidal maniac who has been nonstop trying to kill us is.

DUMB. FUCKING. BITCH. ASS. BEN.

Agnes paralyzes him, though, and they start to walk to the car. Ben stops to stare down at Paddy. He has a gun. The logical conclusion is to shoot him. Everybody in my theater is chanting "shoot him! shoot him! shoot him!"

Ben does not shoot him. I can practically hear his internal monologue going "it would make me the same as him" bc that's what so many dumbfucks SAY instead of doing what they should.

Ant does not have that internal monologue. His is more like "fuck this fucking motherfucker who fucking killed my motherfucking parents" but he cannot say all that so he just screams as he brains Paddy with a brick (probably the same one that Louise used to kill Ciara).

They watch in horror but, to their credit, they don't stop him.

Good. Green Flag.

That child is gonna need some serious therapy.

Anyway, they finally leave in their Tesla, which has bullet marks in the windshield so I cannot imagine how that's gonna look when they get back to civilization. Oh, btw, the bullet marks were put there by the guy who owned the restaurant they'd eaten at. He was also part of this whole thing. I do not remember what happened to him tbqh.

But as they drive away, shocked by the violence they just witnessed at the hands of their new adopted son, Ant stares straight ahead, numb. Agnes, ever the Empath, gives him Hoppy, as torn up as that poor bunny is, and he finally sheds some tears.

He is gonna need therapy. And Louise needs a divorce. Stat.

This movie was so fucked up, but I know it could have a worse ending.

Worse as in more bleak, not as if actually cinematically bad. The original ended the way it probably would have in real life, unfortunately. But they still have that line:

"Why are you doing this to us?"

"Because you let us."

Which is honestly fantastic. It feels like it's their justification for why they keep targeting these people. They're always wealthy. They force them, at gunpoint, to transfer all their money to them and then they kill the parents and the old child, and then they cut the tongue out of the new one so they can't say anything. Rinse and repeat.

But they do allow them to get away. They do allow them certain freedoms. They continuously push the boundaries of what each couple will take until they can't anymore. Then they strike.

"Because you let us" is such a great line because it is victim blaming at it's finest, but the audience who is watching this movie, seeing the dramatic irony of every boundary push forward, is almost inclined to agree with the antagonists.

Like yeah. You didn't have to go to this farmhouse.

But you did.

You didn't have to eat the meat because you're a vegetarian.

But you did.

You didn't have to pay for their dinner.

But you did.

So many times you could have said no, but you didn't. Because you didn't want to break societal norms and be rude, even though you were so uncomfortable. Because it's not that serious. But it was. You had so many chances to just walk away. You did, but then you came back and allowed yourselves AGAIN to be drawn in and have your boundaries crossed. And then it was too late.

Obviously, we, as the audience, know what is coming so it's so much more frustrating for us to watch them make these mistakes over and over again, but they don't. Still, the decisions they make are so questionable and it's a wonder if we, ourselves, wouldn't have made the same decisions.

There's another line in the film: "You give in when it's Paddy, but I see you have no trouble standing up when it's me."

Another reason why I despise Ben. He placates Paddy in all the ways he wouldn't do for Louise. She is visibly uncomfortable with so much, but he needles her into just accepting it. He pressures her into it. And, as previously stated, part of that acquiescence is her guilt over cheating on him, but it's also just him being a fucking asshole.

These characters are done so well.

James McAvoy, as always, embodies his character so well. He's in his thriller era and he's doing so well.

Mackenzie Davis is also amazing in her role. I feel like Louise's character was used to kind of being in charge of certain things, but her cheating thing is just making her more lenient to her husband, but she obviously like things done a certain way. And she has a lot of empathy and understanding toward her child.

Scoot McNairy plays Ben as this kind of not-tough guy. Like he obviously wants to be the leader of his family and has a complex. He idolizes Paddy for being very rugged and manly and wants to be like that (and also wants to be with dat ass). He is easily talked into doing shit because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do and doesn't want to upset his new (boy)friend.

Aisling Franciosi is really good at Ciara because it's so clear throughout the entire film that she is pretty much just an extension of Paddy. She probably wouldn't be there if Paddy didn't need her to play as his doting wife. She clearly has her own issues, which are probably borne from the fact that she is Paddy's first victim. She didn't deserve her life, but she certainly deserved her death.

The kids, Alix West Lefler (Agnes) and Dan Hough (Ant) were so good. Dan Hough had the hardest role in the movies because he couldn't speak and he had to act like he couldn't speak, but he also had to act like he was acting. He had to pretend to be their son while also trying to alert this family. And Alix was so good at Agnes, as a anxious little girl who is on the cusp of growing up, but still kind of socially anxious. She did it so well.

All the actors really acted their asses off for this film and I was very impressed. 10/10 honestly. This was a great film.

[ayyyyysexual]

suggestion as someone who knows the Bare Minimum about slay the princess, hear me out:

gempearl au?

I wrote all this ages ago and it was just sat in my drafts for forever so here y'all go:

Oh my god glow dont make me think about this bc ill actually start going feral.

THE LOOPING COULD BE SO INTERESTING WITH GEM'S CANONICAL DIMENSION HOPPING...

Okay. Okay. In depth thoughtd below the cut but it will be both 1. Spoilery 2. Lowkey incomprehensible if you dont know much about the game LMAO

First off, I think Cleo would be the narrator. Why, you ask? Because its MY au and I get to put my blorbos where i want. But if im being fr then its bc she has i think the perfect combo of exhausted britishness, willingness to manipulate and lie, and overall just the Vibe to fit the narrator. Bonus points if they're a fractured version of time witch cleo from WCSMP.

And then... THE VOICES. THIS IS WHAT I IMMEDIATELY SNAG ON. Would the voices be different people, or potentially just alternate versions of Gem? Also yes ive decided gem is the protag and pearl is the princess but thats bc my original knee jerk reaction was "gem is the princess (esmp2 gem was a fave) and pearl is the hero" but then i thought harder and went waittt i love shapeshifter pearl and dimension hopper gem. I can work with that.

Anyway yeah im thinking different people for the voices, but I'd probably give gem her own internal dialogue alongside it bc it'd be less interesting if she was just the vehicle for the plot in this au. I'll probably have her be both the actual 'hero' character and voice of the hero, for simplicity.

The first ones to come to mind are false as the voice of the paranoid, because she is my #1 paranoia rep i love her, and grian as voice of the contrarian bc he fucking would.

Potentially joel as voice of the cheated, or stubborn? If we do bring wcsmp elements in then prismarina would make a great voice of the cheated too LMAO. So, Joel for voice of the stubborn

Scar is Very voice of the opportunist. And obviously the witch is double life pearl. Which is so perfect?? Like goddamn???? Especially bc i love dl sunflower duo. AND THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE VIBE WOULD BE ALMOST LIKE IF GEM AND SCAR WERE ALLIED AGAINST PEARL AT THE END OF SECRET LIFE

Broken is hard to pick a voice for, maybe mumbo? but the tower would Definitely lean into Santa Perla and the farmer god esmp2 stuff. I could see him being like "oh well it would probably be for the best if we just listen to the giant god lady who could crush us, right?"

Hunted... I was unsure for a while but maybe Shrub? Wolf spirit shrub would be rlly fun for that. And ig the beast would be some form of alien s9 pearl? OR we could lean into the more monstery salmon/siren/merfolk s10 pearl stuff

Cold could be Cub, i dont know much about him but he seems very chill and pragmatic enough for me to push to the extreme here

Skeptic... My mind has gone entirely blank for this one... ETHO MAYBE i can see etho for this. I have no idea what pearl version would work for the prisoner though

Smitten....... maybe shelby? Specifically great witch Shelby. Idk i think her whole vibe around katherine could be translated into what we need here. plus i love giving crumbs to yuri rarepairs- OR i could lean into santa perla again here and have it as sausage kinda worshipping an idealised person of the past pearl he loved (though not romantically, to me at least), which could work for a damsel variant?

anyway i dont wanna get Super into the major spoilers for stp so i wont elaborate much further, but goddd im so normal about this concept

[b0rtney]

ALL im saying is if u gave me fuck u money i'd write a fanfic where, for some reason i will come up w later, katniss doesn't/can't volunteer for prim during the reaping.

so we get prim and peeta in the hunger games, hamish and effie coaching them as best they can. and prim is, ofc tiny and scared and like. 11 or whatever (i forgor ages), and peeta is like ":) ok new plan: make sure katniss gets her little sister back!" meanwhile hamish is like "do i even know a kind of self defense that works for someone the size of perhaps a small potato or large hamster????" and effie is like "oh dear lord. oh jesus. she's just solidly gonna die huh??? oh god i need a career change???" and prim, after the shock has worn off, is like "oh shit i have a sister (and mom ig) to get back to. i gotta live thru this."

so prim is like solidly understanding she's not winning against careers in combat. she focuses on any other skill she can get-- medicine to patch herself up, camouflage from peeta, shmoozing for sympathy points (with incredible success, bc she knows who she is and what she looks like), and once she meets the other tributes she manages to worm some useful info on a few things out of a few other tributes who r like "oh poor thing won't survive the cornucopia" and, most notably, she becomes besties w rue.

and so peeta plays his angle of "i just wanna get back to the girl i love uwu," but doesn't bring prim into it as katniss's sister v much bc he knows that would put a target on her back, he instead paints himself as this big ol' sap that'll be easy pickings (if you can find him) so it looks like district 12 just spat out some softies this year (everyone back home is preemptively mourning). maybe he drops one line abt "i will do anything to get prim home safe" w kinda a looking-directly-into-the-camera-kubrick-stare moment.

meanwhile prim is like "rue. bestie. it might be great for us to play our friendship to the camera a bunch? for ratings?? ppl send us things for free??" and rue is like "aight sure yea lets do it" so they do it-- and if my lesbian ass has her way maybe they have little tiny baby crushes and like. hold hands or somn. idk ceasar would play it up and soon we've got the whole capitol like 'THE BABIES OH GAWD NO' and so the star-crossed lovers thing still happens, but with prim and rue. the capitol loses it's shit, bc they're on the way younger side, with baby faces, who have been playing up how tiny and defenseless they are to anyone who will listen for clout and donations.

with a push from peeta/haymitch/effie, ceasar's little-babies-who-will-never-even-get-to-be-fully-in-love-bc-there's-no-way-they're-surviving-the-next-24-hours shtick for prim/rue gets spun wildly out of control before the games even start and suddenly the capitol is demanding the games be called off since "so many of them are so young!" at most extreme, or wondering if the minimum age for the hunger games isn't too young at most moderate.

district 13 was not ready for such a prime revolution moment to happen so quick, but they make the best of it in a somewhat disorganized way. They sway public opinion into spinning this story up, up, and away from capitol control, which eventually (through difficult to succinctly summarize PR bullshit) has everyone calling for snow to step down, and he can't very well use the cattleprods on the supposed upper crust, can he? not when every other district is already twitching for an excuse to revolt and has been for a while. so he 'gracefully' steps down (repercussions to be written in fic). district 13 is like damn they r fr handing us this one wtf.

coin(? i forgor names lol) is just barely too slow to neatly slot herself into power, bc now the capitol+districts is like "WE should get a say *insert democracy/anarcho-communism/republicanism/alt-govt.png*" idk maybe panem fractures into smaller govts that stop being affiliated w one country idk. i havent written the fic yet bc i dont have fuck u money.

what i DO know is katniss is honestly too involved in watching the games and subsequent bullshit to notice gale breathing, and peeta comes home w prim who is like 'can we go visit rue in the spring?' and katniss is like '....... u just restructured the govt...... sure yea wtvr' and peeta goes back to pining bc i just dont think he knows how to make a move when not on a death-related timeclock. maybe prim throws him a bone and wingmans him in there.

[princess-of-the-corner]

I wonder how Enji would react to the "Endeavor adopts reader" fics. Because I'm sure he's flattered that someone out there thinks he's a good father figure. But like, he knows better.

Oh God wait. How do his KIDS react to those kinds of fics? Are they annoyed by the inconsistencies about their fic counterparts? This is hilarious to think about.

Honestly by this point Enji is kinda in the frame of mind of like. He's had enough encounters with the kids he low-key adopts (Hawks, Burnin) where it's like 'god I am not a good father figure PLEASE raise your standards!' that he kinda realizes that most people who see him as a father figure really are looking for the bare minimum 'adult man who cares about me unconditionally' because they don't have that in their lives.

So yeah he realizes that the kids writing this shit are probably in bad situations and that he might not be the /best/ father but he's still better than what some people have. (For the record: these ones aren't the fics getting dunked on. It's other fics).

His actual kids have mixed feelings on this whole thing because of the whole 'oh well people have it worse so is my trauma really /that/ valid?' thing but no, no. What happened to them was still very bad and they have every right to be fucked up about it and they have every right to not forgive their father and the only reason they do is because he's worked to fix things and cleared up any miscommunications that had made things worse. But yeah being forced to confront the fact that even at his worst, Enji was better than what some people had? Kinda sucks so they don't think about it too often.

Now! As for thoughts on actual characterization!

It's kinda funny because characterization on some of them depends on when it was written? Like.

While people /know/ that Endeavor has a wife and kids, and there's been some pictures in the media when they're out together and such, none of them are really in the media enough for anyone to glean info into their personalities.

But this is CC so we get Toya becoming a Hero, so as he is in the media more people get a better grasp on his personality. Same with Shoto later down the line. Rei also gets her own publicity re: the vtuber thing so people get more of her as well. But this happens at different times so depending on when the fic is written people would have different grasps on them. Meanwhile, Fuyumi and Natsuo are pretty unknown and everyone's just gotta make up their personalities and interests.

And as this is Fandom™, you KNOW there's going to be common interpretations of them that got popular and are 'basically canon'.

that said, a lot of what is being written is from. Ya know. Wish fulfillment from teens in shitty homelives wanting to be magically whisked away. So often their fictional counterparts are going to be portrayed as good people who are comforting to the new addition and are also part of the 'wanting a support system' thing, though tweaked to the specific needs of the child writing this. At /worst/ you might have fics of the kids being younger and 'upset that daddy's not paying attention to them anymore' but fics where the kids are like 10+ would have them more chill.

THAT SAID

Rei gets a kick out of reading the Endeavor x Reader fics just to see how they deal with her existence. Is it an affair? Do they kill her off? Do they make her some raging bitch that he divorces? Do they go full Reba? It's funniest when they just don't address her at all.

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?