#I know that’s part of miller’s schtick

[waugh-bao]

Dennis Miller jokes around with Charlie (1995)

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Saturday, December 17th

DARLA: (indicating Liam, brawling at a tavern) Who is *he*? MAID: Who, that one? (Angel takes a drink from his mug of ale and goes back to fighting.) DARLA: Yes. He's magnificent. MAID: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah, God's gift, alright. DARLA: Really? I've never known God to be so generous. MAID: Oh, his lies sound pretty when the stars are out. But he forgets every promise he's made when the sun comes up again. DARLA: That wouldn't really be a problem for me actually.

~~The Prodigal~~

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for at least one new editor. Contributing to the Herald is a great way to get your Buffy on! Find out more here.

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

First Christmas by Amejisuto (Xander/Spike, E)

Timelines, Schmimelines by bookishy (Cheetoh) (Buffy/Spike, M)

In the Knowing by alittlebitofbacon (Angel/Cordelia, M)

Dying Is an Art (I Do It Exceptionally Well) by cawthraven (Buffy/Spike, M)

Mistletoe- Spike by Charlotte (Spike/reader, not rated)

Frontal Lobe Snowglobe by HappyWhenItRains (Buffy/Spike, G)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Of Boots and Bubbly, Chapter 3 by bookishy (Cheetoh) (Buffy/Spike, M)

Chain of Ascension, Chapter 55 by GraeFoxx (Xander/multiple characters, E)

Yellowstone Protector, Chapter 10 by Buffyworldbuilder (Buffy, Yellowstone crossover, G)

Since You’ve Been Gone, Chapter 4 by HuonParticlesAreHarmless, myrobotheart (Buffy/Giles, Stargate crossover, M)

Extra Pickle, Chapter 17 by Alwaysandforevermylove (Buffy/Faith, E)

The Stable Marriage Problem, Chapter 2 by KJMoran (Giles/Jenny, G)

Sleeping Loony, Chapter 10 (complete!) by Meltha (Spike/Drusilla, T)

A Sunnydale Christmas Carol, Chapters 1-4 (complete!) by Amejisuto (Spike/Xander, E)

Vacation with a vampire (Sequel to The Sphere) - Part 2, Chapter 17 by Coraline (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Yellowstone Protector, Chapter 10 by Buffyworldbuilder (Buffy, Yellowstone crossover, FR13)

Defender of the Nightmare, Chapter 1 by Sithicus (Xander, multiple crossovers, FR18)

Timelines, Schmimelines: Expanded Edition, Chapters 1-2 (complete!) by bookishy (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Spike/Angel/Drusilla by artsying-ifer (worksafe)

Artwork: Faith by salylockheart (worksafe)

Artwork: Buffy by silvereelve (worksafe)

Gifs: Buffy "I'm the Slayer" by katherineebishop (worksafe)

Artwork process video: Let's Draw: Buffy vampire slayer 90s nostalgia Timelapse Procreate Drawing by silvereelve

Fanvid: Temptations | Willow Rosenberg | BTVS by YangIn There

Fanvid: Faith - That Bitch (Bea Miller) BtVS Fan Video by ERS Fan Videos

[Reviews & Recaps]

Episode 20: The Dark Age - Bothered & Bewildered: A Buffyverse Podcast (BTVS S2, E8) by BBBuffypod

Buffy Review - 4x11 Doomed by Reverse Angle

Podcast: Buffy S1E11 - Out of Mind, Out of Sight by Invite Me In: A Buffy Podcast

[Recs]

Cordy/Angel holiday fanfic recs by cangelgifs

[Community Announcements]

INTRODUCING Hellmouth Homos: A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Podcast 🩸🖤 by FeFear Queers Podcast

[Fandom Discussions]

Xander’s “making amends for being kind of a shitty friend over the whole angel thing” schtick in amends by all-seeing-ifer

If spike had moved to ats in s3 by badrecognition

The tragedy of ats s5 by badrecognition

Life of the Party is so painful to watch by badrecognition

Angel never really realized how much he himself was being manipulated by badrecognition

The way in the s1 finale buffy delivers the “i don’t wanna die i’m by bloodcreature

Comparing Wesley’s betrayal to Dark!Willow by gh-0-stcup

The fact that angel didn’t immediately start helping people when he got a soul by angel-thoughts-dump

I think we are all cowards for not appreciating the Mayor enough by clockwards

Spike’s dislike and commentary on Buffy and Angel in Lovers Walk by disco-tea

If you start thinking of slayers as living vampires it makes Spuffy 10x funnier by disco-tea

Reasons about why Buffy and the scoobies don't kill Spike by ex-vengeancedemon

Your Crossover Heaven by Nix

Do you all think spike always fed on humans or like partied every now and then with humans? by ADPX94

Thoughts on Joyce? by Far_Needleworker_636

Xander by northeastbalancer

Season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel would have been a perfect crossover opportunity by Almighty_Push91

Characters who did not have enough screen time by LazyTension

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[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[eclectic-aussie]

Things I Want in the Final Season of the 100 That Wont Happen

Well the roller-coaster that is the 100 is coming into its final season which leaves me very sad that one of favourite shows in ending, but also curious about the things that will be wrapped up and the things that will be glossed over now that it’s coming to an end. Then I thought to myself; ‘What things do I really want to see before it ends and how likely are they to happen?’ So, here are just a few to start off with, with probably more to be written about later as the promo stuff comes out probably in 2020:

 1.The most obvious thing I WANT: Bellarke to happen and be endgame. Shocked? Why, it’s obvious I’m a Bellarke shipper, what are you nuts?! Yes, I really hope that they have Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin to finally be able to be together after the 131 years its been teased. I cannot tell you how much I love these two, so I wont go into everything, but if they just built up these two and their relationship and support and love for each other just to slap them with a ‘Platonic’ label in the end…there will be no end to how pissed I will be for their waste of one of my favourite tv/movie couples ever. If the show doesn’t end with Bellamy, Clarke and Madi as a family with Bellarke being co-leaders as voted by Wonkru (if possibly not Spacekru) and possibly also having a few little Griffin-Blake bubs to be acknowledged ala the end of the original Charmed, then they have done a huge disservice to their fan-base and I probably wont trust anything they (a certain someone in particular) again since they’ve teased and recanted so many times, it’s just ridiculous at this point.

 2.I want Wonkru to vote for their new leader, and I want that leader to be Clarke. They revered Wanheda for taking down the Mountain when their own Heda made deals with the monsters who used her people as disposable blood bags for 40ish years. Clarke went into the City of Light and shut it down, finding out about the 2nd end of the world in the process which is the only reason any of them survived it. SHE survived Praimfaya and even managed to find Madi, the last Nightblood, and raised her on her own. She may have betrayed Bellamy and took Madi to the Valley and sided with McCreary (which to be fair was her only option other than DEATH at the time) but she was also the only reason Raven didn’t bomb Wonkru and Spacekru to save herself and Shaw and overthrew and killed McCreary. Add to that now that Clarke survived a procedure no-one else had in 250+ years, she fought against an immortal ‘God’ and won back control over her own body, fooled the other ‘Gods’ into thinking she was one of them, stopped them from wiping the minds of everyone still in Cryo, helped Madi take control from Sheidheda and got rid of the mind-wiping serum and about half of the Primes in the process and…I’m going to say Wanheda had probably never looked so fierce and badass before and that’s saying something.

Grounders respect strength, but I think they (Indra and Gaia especially) also realise that it’s not just strength they’ll need on the new world, it’s compassion and Clarke has consistently had that in spades. Don’t agree? Then rewatch the series and note down the people who have betrayed/mistreated/more or less spat in Clarke’s face that she’s not only forgiven but also usually turned into allies, I’ll wait. Hold on, no I wont it would take too long. Anyway, even when her own people use her as their verbal punching bag (repeatedly. Looking at you Raven) she rarely retaliated or lashed out back, usually just getting a pained look before shrugging it off and moving forward. I want Wonkru to want Clarke as their leader…and I want her to say no at first. I want her to have to be talked into it, not because she doesn’t want to help etc but because at this point she’s just bloody tried and grieving and probably just wants to take a breath! Add to that she probably doesn’t think she’s the kind of leader they want/need when not in war. I want Indra, Gaia and Miller to include her in meeting about what to do next, to ask and value her input/suggestions while giving their own. I want them to be sneaky, and kind of ease her into the position when she’s just thinking their having a general discussion. I want Clarke to try and push Bellamy as their leader, and end up having them be co-leaders because of course they are. Add to that, I don’t want Spacekru to be a part of these discussions at first, maybe only being treated like workers instead of key decision makers.

 3.Tied to the above, I want Spacekru to have the rug pulled out from under them. Now don’t get me wrong, as a whole I really like most of the members of Spacekru, but their continued “we’re better than everyone else” schtick grated my nerves all season 6. Their actions in season 5 are just as responsible for McCreary destroying the Earth as anyone else’s, they were the ones to put him in charge in the first place for crying out loud!, but they don’t hold themselves at all accountable, instead heaping all the blame on the easy target: Clarke. Was Clarke blameless for what happened in season 5? Hell no! But Spacekru acting like they had no part in it and using Clarke as their verbal punching bag (again) for a good chunk of season 6 was bull. Add to that, that 5 out of 8 of them have tried to kill Clarke in the last 3 weeks (ok, Emori would have been counted as a half but she did kind of applaud Murphy helping Clarke’s murderers as ‘the survivors move’ and only told Bellamy about Clarke being alive because of her loyalty to him/Spacekru not because she actually cared about Clarke really so…yep. Oh and since Raven watching and doing nothing to stop Echo kill Clarke would make her an accessory in most legal systems I’m counting her just as culpable and guilty of Echo almost killing Clarke) them being aghast at the Primes for doing the same is pretty funny (except Bellamy, poor lamb).

So, yes, now that Wonkru (especially Indra, our droll queen of not taking any bullshit!) is in Sanctum too I kind of want Spacekru to puff themselves up, thinking they’re awesome for ‘handling’ the Prime problem and then…I don’t know, be put on trial for their actions against Wanheda and Madi? Before the ranting and raving begins, just hear me out (and take note that I’m already writing a fanfic where this happens): say what you want about Wonkru and the Grounders, they’ve always had a hell of a lot more gratitude and respect for Clarke/Wanheda than her own people have, as stated in point 2. Add to that, that Gaia and Miller witnessed for themselves that Spacekru’s actions largely made the situation worse, again, and Murphy and Raven telling Russell about the bone-marrow solution to save themselves from being burned alive (thanks, Echo), putting Madi in a huge amount of danger in the process. I want the prisoners to kind of get in on it too, a bit. I want them to tell Wonkru about Spacekru’s actions in the Valley and how they pretty much tripped ass backwards into putting McCreary in charge and undermining everything Bellamy and Clarke were trying to do to bring about a truce at the time. I also want (and this is going to set SO MANY people off!!) the prisoners to tell Indra about what they overheard on the radio on the night before the world burned. I want them to tell Indra and the others about how close Clarke came to being murdered to ‘avenge Bellamy’ and that it was Madi that stopped Echo from killing Clarke, while Raven and Shaw stood back and did nothing. I want it to come out that even after Echo tried to kill her, Clarke protected her from McCreary killing her, TWICE, for the man Echo would have killed her to avenge even though Clarke though he was dead. I want all this information to come out at ‘trial’, maybe even have a recording of the radio in Clarke’s pocket as proof and Emori, Murphy and Bellamy to find out right before they’re led away to wait for deliberation. I want Bellamy to fight between using his heart and his head as his view of his family is rocked with the new information as he puzzles out which version of them was on the Ring: who they were or who they needed to be to survive, and whether he could trust them off the Ring. Dun Dun DUNNN!!

 4.I want Becho to break-up (obviously, see point 1) but I want it to come after a few things are revealed. Look, as a character I don’t have anything against Echo on the whole but she is a character where we’re told one thing: that she’s changed on the Ring and is a ‘good guy’ now, and (in my opinion) we’re shown another: she still betrays her allies to further her own goals (turning in Shaw against Raven’s wishes, baiting and belittling, and eventually killing, Ryder), still goes behind her leaders back and goes too far to try and get them what they want by means they’d never agree to (going undercover in the Conclave to cheat which got her banished by Roan, trying to kill Clarke in front of Madi to ‘avenge’ Bellamy). I mean she herself pretty much said that she hasn’t changed when she stabbed and killed an unarmed, outnumbered Ryker while stating “Hesitation is death.” Which was Nia’s creed which Echo is seen once again embracing. The only time she even attempts to be ‘the good guy’ is in front of Bellamy, and even then her first response is usually ‘we need to fight our way out’ to pretty much every situation. I know a lot of people say that they think that Echo will realise Bellamy is still in love with Clarke and graciously step aside, but honestly that seems a bit out of character. Echo has pined for Bellamy since before Praimfaya and when you factor in her possibly feeling like her place in their family being threatened if she’s no longer Bellamy’s girlfriend I can’t really see Echo giving up without a fight. I want Bellamy to really try and figure out who and what he wants and fight for it, but still let Echo down easy and reassuring her that she’s still family. And then a little bit of time to let things settle and mourn what they had even if it ends somewhat amicably (Spacekru will probably be pissed).

 5.Now onto something lighter: I want more Bellamy and Madi bonding! Let’s be honest here, Bellamy has been a papa-bear since season 1 (which was why it really threw me when he was so ready and willing to turn Madi into a child soldier with the Flame, but moving on) and I really want to see Bellamy and Madi to spend time together; Madi telling Bellamy stories about her and Clarke’s time in the Valley and wanting to hear Bellamy’s stories about his and Clarke’s time together before Praimfaya. I want Madi to tell Bellamy that he and Octavia were routinely the heroes of Clarke’s stories and for him to be shocked (and a little saddened) that Clarke didn’t see herself as a hero. I want Madi to be kind of enamoured with him, since he was pretty much the only one (besides Monty and Harper) who lived up to the stories Clarke told her growing up and because he risked everything to save Clarke. I want Bellamy to kind of embrace his unofficial role as father-figure, telling her stories of mythology and history, spending time with her while her bone-marrow grows back and she’s in isolation. Controversial: (like this whole thing isn’t that already) I want there to be a point where it gets to be too much and Madi loses it. Where her almost losing Clarke, and fighting Sheidheda in her head and being tied down and having her bone marrow take without her consent to catch-up with her and she just breaks down and sobs her heart out. And I don’t want Clarke to be there to comfort her. I want Bellamy to be there and help her through it; telling her it’s ok to still feel the pain of the almost loss and that it’s ok to not always be strong for Clarke’s sake so she doesn’t worry. I want Bellamy and Madi to sit together as they grieve the horrible almost that would have taken Clarke from them. Oh, and I want her to teach him to spear fish.

 6. Now this, I know is DEFINITELY not going to happen: I want Murphy and Raven to have to earn Clarke’s forgiveness/friendship. Say what you will about Clarke’s actions in season 5, both Murphy and Raven would be dead dozens of times over throughout the series if it wasn’t for Clarke. Hell, Bellamy almost killed Murphy at least 3 times at the Dropship in season 1 and was only stopped by Clarke’s intervention. Like I said, say what you will but Murphy actively helped Josephine to not only try to stop Spacekru/Wonkru (though mainly Bellamy, lets be honest) from retaliating for Clarke’s murder by the Primes, he would have helped Josephine erase Clarke from her own damn head if Emori hadn’t gone behind his back and told Bellamy about it. And Raven? Raven stood back and did nothing to stop Echo from trying to kill her in front of Madi, because she thought she was justified and then played the victim when Clarke had an actual plan and didn’t just lay down and die like they planned. She told Clarke the only difference between her and Blodreigna was Blodreigna didn’t pretend to feel bad about the things she’d done. Raven and Murphy were the main ones (but not the only ones) who more or less called Clarke a monster and treated her like she was nothing. They were the ones who told Russell about the Nighblood solution being made from bone-marrow (even after Raven watched Kane kill himself, taking the safer-to-make Nightblood solution with him so the Primes couldn’t create more Nightbloods) and Raven talked Abby into taking the marrow from Madi. In general we got a lot of Clarke bashing from Murphy and Raven this past season and even though I KNOW they’ll just have Clarke overlook them mistreating her because that’s what she does, I really wish that they’d have Murphy and Raven show some self-awareness and pull their heads out of their arses and actually make an effort towards Clarke for once, instead of only showing any care, friendship or compassion towards her when they need her to make another impossible decision, if then.

 7.Fluff alert: I want Bellamy to be a bit nervous about Clarke finding out about the deal he made with the Primes. I want him to tear himself up a bit with the guilt of not telling her, maybe made worse by Murphy ‘teasing’ him about it, before caving and admitting it to Clarke, ashamed that he made a deal with her murderers to overlook her death for resources and help. I want her to grab his hand of some kind of physical contact before she tells him she knew all about it. I want him to be shocked and appalled that she didn’t seem upset and that she should hate him. I want her to smile at him, and tell him she had been upset at first, but could never hate him for that. That she had been proud of him, just like she was after Praimfaya. I want fluffiness, tears and forgiveness!!!

 8.Octavia? Yeah, she’s not dead.

 9.I swear to GOD if they make Jordan another Jasper, there will be riots in the bloody streets, you hear me?! RIOTS!!

 That’s all I can think of from the top of my head but before anyone asks; yes, a few of these are very specific because I’ve already written scenes that cover all of these that I will be incorporating into my season 7 spec fic of ‘things that will probably never happen’ that I’ll put on AO3 and FF.net at some point in the coming months.

If you don’t agree with something I’ve written above, then that’s all well and good and you’re entitled to your opinion as much as I am. However, please refrain from spewing hate into my inbox because…well I honestly don’t care if you agree with me or not. This is simply my OPINION of what I’D like to see, that I’ve stated multiple times that I honestly don’t hold out hope on the whole that any (besides number 1, 8 and 9) will end up happening.

[madscientistutm]

As a challenge, and a little fun, I’ve ranked the best versions of the TMNT characters upon request. This is technically a Top 4 although it can also be a Top 5 if an Honorable Mention qualifies. The rankings depend on how the character was portrayed from a creative standpoint as well as the performance of the voice actors. For each character/topic, there have to be at least six versions of a character available so Karai (1987 series’ Lotus Blossom doesn’t count), Baxter Stockman (“Rise...”’s Stockboy doesn’t count), Krang, and B&R don’t qualify. Now it’s time to lawyer up and present my cases for each character beginning with Part 1:

Donatello: (5*)I like Corey Feldman as an actor and a person, I really do but the best I can do for him is an Honorable Mention. It has less to do with being in the 1993 live action movie which, let’s be honest is one of the worst movies of all time, and more to do with not only does he provide a voice similar to that of a chain smoker (although you could say the same about 2003′s Raph) but he was also basically just a Mikey clone. (4)Then you have Rob Paulsen who fits Don better than he does Raph and started out excellent in the first season with all the responsibility he shoulders, his reserved feelings about his existence as a mutant, and his balance of being a bit charming at times and snapping during his more vulnerable moments. He’d be higher though if “Apriltello” was handled a lot better and he wasn’t featured in such bad episodes down the 2012 series’ stretch: “A Chinatown Ghost Story”, “The Fourfold Trap”, “Revenge of the Triceratons”, “The Power Inside Her”, and “Heart of Evil” most notably. (3)To me, Adam Carl did a better job as the voice of the live action Don in TMNT II as he had a better voice (very close to the 2003 series’) and an interesting existential crisis about the meaning of his existence with regards to the mystery surrounding the ooze plot device. (2) It is a bit surprising Sam’s this high when you consider he doesn’t have much range as 2003′s Don but, like Mike and Greg who share that same issue, he fits the character like a glove. Some say his voice is sexy but I think it’s the perfect voice for a pacifist like him. He doesn’t feature much in the series but he is so well portrayed as a character that I have to give him the second spot. (1) However, I have to give the top spot to 1987′s Barry Gordon. He had good lines as Don, provided a nasally but very genius-like voice, and was involved in some of the series’ best and even most fun episodes. He also flexed his voice range a bit in episodes like “Donatello’s Duplicate” and “Night of the Dark Turtle”. And despite him not being Don in every episode (hence the asterisk), he stuck around to the end and he deserves some (more) credit for that.

Leonardo: (5)It was so close between Eric Bauza and James Arnold Taylor it was as though a pinch of salt separated them from the HM. For each positive, there was a negative. When no way to distinguish them individually came about, the tiebreaker had to come down to who was in a better movie and although “Batman vs. the TMNT” wasn’t as good a Batman movie, it certainly was from a TMNT perspective and was overall a better movie than the 2007 one. Eric has built a reputation for being one of the best VAs of this generation, as well as one of the friendliest even in this day of big egos in the entertainment world. He does have his shortcomings such as the Scarecrow scene which showed us nothing we didn’t already know about him (nor did it answer the question of why Leo takes his brothers into battle so much if he worries about their safety) and, compared to JAT, it really is splitting hairs between them but ultimately Eric gets the nod. (4)I knew Cam was going to make this list even if JAT or Eric didn’t which is why he’s #4. Cam’s take on Leo is a lot lighter than any of these others, but he does get better as the series goes along and that’s why I have no problem giving him this spot. (3)I used to think Brian Tochi was the best Leo even though he was less prominent as the original trilogy rolled along. His voice fit Leo perfectly and he was around for the whole thing but there’s a lot more character to the next two. (2)Some are going to say I’m crazy for not putting the 2012 Leo at #1 due to his development and growth in the series and they have a point. I however thought Jason was miscast as Leo, in large part due to his real world behavioral problems. Then he leaves to commit full time to “Orange is the New Black” and Dominic, as far as I’m concerned did a better job. He should’ve stayed full time and not Seth. He does have some compelling moments such as his relationship with Splinter and Karai, as well as being her knight in shining armor in “Vengeance is Mine”--unfortunately it takes until “Requiem” for him to get it back. He also suffers a lot of physical and emotional torment from Shredder until he gets to (temporarily, unfortunately) defeat him in “Owari.” He ultimately becomes his enemy in the true finale “Carmageddon!”, which was a nice poetic touch, until he snaps out of it and finds paradise both figuratively and literally with his family. (1)Ultimately though, I’m giving it to Mike. He didn’t have a lot of range and we could’ve done without his PTSD storyline (at least for how long it lasted) in Season 4, but he fit the character like a glove. He exemplified everything the character is supposed to be and it also helps that he and Sam also weren’t affected as much by the spinoff seasons!

Michelangelo: (4)The closest to an HM is Greg Cipes but I can’t do that. Despite some great stuff such as him reaching and befriending Leatherhead, he was so over the top starting from the beginning and he mostly relied on his Beast Boy schtick. No, I have to start with the big surprise of “Batman vs. the TMNT” and that is Kyle Mooney’s take on the character. He had a really good delivery and some pretty good comedic lines while still not coming off as too OTT and getting in the way like Noel Fisher did in the recent live action movies (yuck!) (3)It’s hard not putting Wayne Grayson any higher. He had this Bugs Bunny vibe with his imitations, voice range, disguises that were mostly cross dressing, energy, and lines that really weren’t bad at all. However, it was the spinoff seasons, mainly FF, that did him in as he became far too one dimensional. And in a competition this thick, that’s all it can take sometimes. (2)It’s splitting hairs between Townsend Coleman and Robbie Rist for the top spot but I ultimately have to give it to TC here. He does deserve credit though for sticking around to the end and never missing an episode (like Cam). (1)Robbie may not live down being the often despised Cousin Oliver, but hopefully he can take solace knowing that he’s #1 as Mikey in the hearts of many (most likely) including this guy. Like Townsend, he stuck around for the whole series when most of the cast didn’t. He was also quite energetic without getting in the way. Ultimately, live action movies also have to be given a bit more of a nod than animated TV shows, and with the 1990 live action movie perhaps being the best TMNT screen adaptation out there, Robbie gets the benefit of the doubt in this situation.

Raphael: (5)Rob’s 1987 series version of Raph may not be the true version of the character, but he had a lot of very good lines and had such a charm behind his voice that you can’t help but like him. He faced some stiff competition from the likes of Alan Ritchison, Omar Miller, and Sean Astin but there’s a saying of mine which is totally fair: “When in doubt go with the original”. And, with the 1987 series being the first TMNT screen adaptation out there, Rob gets the nod. (4)It’s funny that they brought back Josh Pais in the suit for TMNT II, yet they hired Laurie Faso to voice him anyway. I don’t understand it myself but Laurie did a heck of a job filling in for Josh’s voice. He still had that tough, New York sounding attitude who would act on his emotions just as much as he acted on what he thought was the right thing to do. (3)Nolan North is a heck of a voice actor. He was a good pick to portray Raphael in the 2007 animated film and it’d be a shame if he never portrays the character again. The reason he’s not higher is both the competition and the fact that he (and to an extend JAT’s Leonardo) hogged the spotlight from the rest of the characters. (2)Usually I’d think Greg’s version of Raph in 2003 would be #1, at least I did for a time. Anyone who would, I have no problem with. Some would say that him not getting the spotlight so much in the series would keep him out of that spot. That’s not me though. What keeps him out is his lack of range (even though that wasn’t much of a problem for Mike as Leo) and his more one-dimensional nature in the spinoff seasons (mainly FF). I don’t mean that as a knock though since he’s still clearly the best animated version of the character. (1)Ultimately, Josh is #1 here. He can over act at times which would make you cringe a bit, and while his and Greg’s versions of Raph are about the same character-wise, I thought Josh had more range, depth, and story to work with and that’s why he’s ultimately #1.

Part 2 coming soon...

[ljones41]

"DEADPOOL 2" (2018) Review

"DEADPOOL 2" (2018) Back in early 2016, Twentieth Century Fox and Marvel Films released "DEADPOOL", the eighth installment in the X-MENfilm franchise. The movie told the story a former special forces operative named Wade Wilson, who hunted down the man who had disfigured him, while giving him special abilities. The movie proved to be a surprising hit, which spawned a sequel called . . . what else? "DEADPOOL 2".

Unlike the 2016 movie, "DEADPOOL 2" featured a different director named David Leitch. The same screenwriters from the first film - Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick - also wrote this film. However, they were joined by the film's star, Ryan Reynolds. Considering my dislike of "DEADPOOL", I did not want to see this sequel. Unfortunately, a relative of mine did. And she wanted to see it on her birthday. And so . . . I find myself writing this review. Wade Wilson had become very successful as the costumed vigilante known as Deadpool for the past two years. However, on the very night he and his girlfriend are celebrating their anniversary together, Wade fails to kill one of his targets, a vicious and vengeful gangster. The gangster interrupts the couple's celebration and tries to kill Wade . . . and ends up killing Vanessa, instead. Wade spends the next six months wallowing in grief over Vanessa's death before he attempts . . . and fails to commit suicide. In response, his old friend, Colossus, talks Wade into joining the X-Men as a mean to recover from his grief. Deadpool, Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead respond to a standoff between the police and an unstable young mutant Russell Collins (aka Firefist) at an orphanage labeled a "Mutant Reeducation Center". When Wade realizes that Russell has been abused by the orphanage staff, he kills one of the staff members. Both Deadpool and Russell are arrested, restrained with collars that suppress their powers, and taken to the Ice Box - an isolated prison for mutant criminals. Meanwhile, a cybernetic soldier named Cable arrives from the future. The latter's family was murdered by an older Russell. And Cable has time traveled to the past to kill a younger Russell and prevent the deaths of his family. There were aspects of "DEADPOOL 2" that I did not like or found difficult to swallow. I must admit that I found it difficult that Vanessa was killed off so early in the film and literally "fridged" for the sake of Wade's character. I must admit that some of the gratuitous violence shown in the film for the sake of comedy is still a bit hard to swallow. However, chances are I will get used to it. Also, a part of me wishes that the movie had featured a bit more of the X-Force team that Wade and his friend Weasel had recruited before most of them were wiped out. But I have two major complaints about this movie. One, the major story arc for "DEADPOOL 2" - Deadpool's attempt to prevent Russell Collins' death at the hands of time traveler Cable - seemed like a re-hash (read: ripoff) of Rian Johnson's 2012 movie, "LOOPER". My second major complaint about the movie focused on Cable's fate at the end of the film. Deadpool managed to prevent Russell from becoming a murderer . . . and killing Cable's family in the future. This meant that Cable's trip to the past should have been averted. So, why was he still around in the early 21st century? Hel-lo?? No one else noticed this major faux pas? Another faux pas featured appearances by James McAvoy as Charles Xavier and members of the X-Men who were featured in "X-MEN: APOCALYPSE". All I can say is . . . WHAT?? "DEADPOOL 2" is set in the early 21st century, not the early 1980s? What were Reynolds and the other filmmakers thinking? Looking back, perhaps it is a good thing that "DEADPOOL 2" seemed like a rip-off of "LOOPER". At least this allowed the film to actually possess a solid narrative . . . unlike the first film. Unlike Rian Johnson's 2012 movie, Wade was no younger version of the murderous Cable. In fact, Wade's initial concern for Russell's fate seemed to be a case of paying lip-service for the sake of using their situation to keep his mind off his grief. I must say that although I was initially put off by Vanessa's death; I liked how Reynolds, Reese and Wernick used Vanessa's "ghost" to finally Wade to be serious about preventing Cable from killing Russell. And due to this new determination of Wade's, led to his formation of the X-Force team. It was at this point that the film rose to a higher level and when I truly began to enjoy it. Watching Wade and Weasel recruit members for the new X-Force team was so much fun to watch. I could say that the pièce de résistance of this sequence was the team's efforts to free Russell from a prison-transfer convoy and defend him from Cable. It was violent, somewhat gory and yet . . . rather funny. Dark humor at its best. My other favorite action sequence proved to be the last one in which Deadpool and a few others that include Cable, try to prevent Russell from committing his first murder - against the orphanage's headmaster. I must admit that I found the cast phenomenal. Ryan Reynolds' portrayal of Wade Wilson struck me as even more impressive than it was in the first film. Reynolds managed to walk a fine line between humor and pathos, as he combined his usual Deadpool schtick with the character's continuing grief over Vanessa's death. Another first-rate performance came from Josh Brolin, who did a great job in combining Cable's murderous intent to kill Russell in order to prevent his family's deaths and his constant annoyance at Deadpool's needling humor. Zazie Beetz was sensational as the good-luck prone mutant, Domino, whose sharp wit and constant good luck managed to get under Deadpool's skin. Another excellent performance came from the young New Zealand actor Julian Dennison, who did a great job in conveying Russell Collins aka Firefist's rage at his abusive headmaster and desperation to escape. The movie also featured very good performances from Jack Kesy and Shioli Kutsuna. Stefan Kapičić (voice of Colossus), Leslie Uggams (Blind Al), T.J. Miller (in a reduced role as Weasel), Karan Soni (Dopinder) and Brianna Hildebrand (Negasonic Teenage Warhead) all reprised their roles from the 2016 film and were entertaining as usual. Morena Baccarin gave a humorous, yet poignant performance in her few brief appearances as Wade's fiancée Vanessa. And Eddie Marsan was suitable creepy as Russell's abusive headmaster at the orphanage. Those actors who briefly appeared as other members of Wade's "Team X-Force" were very entertaining - namely Terry Crews, Lewis Tan, Bill Skarsgård, Brad Pitt (surprisingly) and a very funny Rob Delaney. What else can I say about "DEADPOOL 2"? Well . . . my father did not like it for reasons that elude me. I, on the other hand, enjoyed it very much. And I never thought I would, considering my low opinion of "DEADPOOL". One of the film's mid-credit scenes featured Deadpool using Cable's time traveling device to kill the "X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE"version of his character and Ryan Reynolds before he could write the 2011 movie, "GREEN LANTERN". Frankly, I think he should have killed the writers of "DEADPOOL" instead. But if that had happened, I do not know if "DEADPOOL 2"would have been made. Thanks to a talented cast led by Ryan Reynolds, the movie's screenwriters and director David Leitch, I enjoyed the film that much.

[fullofspiders]

What's your favourite interpretation of Joker and why? ( and ivy if you wanna )

I got a couple!  For obvious reasons, I will not mention any of Mark Hamill’s takes or Heath Ledger’s, because both of them are a given.  They’re favorites of mine but there isn’t anything I can say about either that hasn’t already been said.

The Dark Knight Returns

Probably my all-time favorite Joker.  I’ve always loved TDKR’s take on Joker, and while Miller’s other ventures into writing him haven’t been…  great to say the least, I like what he did with him in this book.  His mannerisms, the way he talks, his look, I just really like it!

This quote in particular is another part of what does it for me because it sums up Joker and Batman’s whole schtick really well 

“They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it.”

Their final fight in the Tunnel of Love, ending with Joker being disappointed in Batman for not going through with killing him and breaking his own neck to frame him for murder is one of those holy shit moments, y’know?  I feel like this and Ledger’s take are about as dark as you should get with the character, they’re the measuring sticks for darkness.

It’s part of the reason I was initially excited about Suicide Squad, because supposedly Joker was going to be portrayed very in line with this guy here, but…  well, that clearly wasn’t the case in any way shape or form lmao 

Telltale Batman

This is a more recent one.  I didn’t know what to expect from Telltale in how they’d handle Joker since his small part in Season One didn’t shed a lot of light on him, deliberately so as to build up anticipation for his appearance in Season Two, and they seriously did one of my favorite takes on Joker.

John Doe is unique because the troubles and difficulties he suffers are very real, like, he feels more like a fully fleshed out character than a lot of takes.  He actually feels like somebody who struggles with mental illness, and the fact that his fall to villainy can be a direct result of Bruce’s own manipulation and treatment makes the dynamic between them that much more personal.

Plus, I love that in the Vigilante route, there’s still hope for him?  Bruce isn’t gonna give up on him.  I really like that.

Lego Batman

He’s friggin adorable, just look at him 

Gotham

I can’t heap enough praise on Cameron Monagan for playing two incredibly distinct flavors of Joker in the fairly limited time he’s had on Gotham (only a few episodes a season, really)

I love both Jerome and Jeremiah, Jerome for being an actually good take on a more modern ‘unhinged’ Joker and Jeremiah for the more classic vintage flavor, as well as being the closest thing to an ideal TDKR inspired Joker that I always wanted to see.

He’s just super good.

As for Ivy, she’s been written so inconsistently over the years that it’s hard to nail down a few particular takes on her, especially in more modern times where she’s either a satellite love interest or bafflingly being written as an anti-hero instead of a villain.

Overall though, I’d say that Paul Dini handles her the best, at least from what I’ve read.  The issues of Gotham City Sirens that he’s written features her written well, keeping her a villain, and having the attitude I’d expect from someone who’s a super huge misanthrope.  She’s rude, short-tempered, acts like everyone around her is trash, and you get an idea that beneath it all there’s someone more vulnerable there who’s lonely but just can’t let anyone close?  And that’s how her temperament should be as opposed to…  whatever they’re doing in more modern comics.

This includes her appearance in BTAS by extension since he was a part of that as well.

I also liked, for the most part, how she was done in the Arkham games, especially Arkham Knight.

At the end of the day however, I do find her more interesting in concept and potential than in actual practice for the most part.  She’s handled so poorly and inconsistently that it’s easier to find examples of interpretations that I hate than I like, which sucks because when she’s done well she’s pretty cool and interesting.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: 17/01

I don’t really have an intro for this one so: REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020. Let’s get into it.

Top 10

At number-one, for the third week in a row, is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran, and honestly I don’t really see a foreseeable threat to this song’s throne, but much like all songs in January, it’s a pretty weak stance and could easily fall to an unexpected climber.

Lewis Capaldi’s “Before You Go” is once again stalling at the runner-up spot.

At number-three, we have a surprise debut from an artist I didn’t think would ever peak this high in the UK, Future, who has partnered with Drake for “Life is Good”, a collaboration that is clenching the top spots on a bunch of charts, I’d imagine, mostly because of Drake. God knows how many top 10 or top 40 singles he has at this point, I’m not going to even bother counting them. Future, on the other hand, has had his highest ever charting song on the UK Singles Chart this week, and his third UK Top 40 single (His first hit in the top 10 ever). Congratulations, I suppose, but we’ll talk about the song a bit later.

Due to the sudden debut, most of the top 10 is falling this week. First of all, “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is down a spot to number-four.

“The Box” by Roddy Ricch seems to immediately abolish that trend as it has rocketed up 11 spaces in the chart to number-five, perhaps highlighting a possible #1 candidate in the coming weeks. It’s Roddy’s first top 10 hit in the UK.

“ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas is down two spaces to number-six.

Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved” is stable at number-seven for some God forsaken reason.

The Weeknd’s “Blinding Lights” is up two spots to number-eight and with the video release, I could see this peaking even higher.

Justin Bieber’s “Yummy” falls hard off of the debut, being nearly pushed out of the top 10, losing four spaces to number-nine.

Finally, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is down four spots to #10. Sure.

Climbers

We have a rare week where there are no notable climbers at all outside of the top 10, which is emblematic of a certain period on the chart.

Fallers

In January, popular music repeats itself and the chart regurgitates the biggest hits of the year for a brief month where nothing can seemingly actually make a spin for the top spot or become a smash hit, and everything somehow collapses, and every debut goes nowhere, only to be gone by March. It should be the month where the smash hit songs appear on the charts for the first time, and it usually is, but it definitely never seems like that, as the chart is so dry and after the influx of 2019’s greatest hits, we seem to have reached a new equilibrium, so we can start waving goodbye to our fallers and drop-outs; I doubt we’ll see many of them again. “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is down six spots to #16, “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B is down seven spaces to #24, as is “Gangsta” by Darkoo and One Acen at #26, “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott and remixed by ROSALIA and Lil Baby is down five to #30, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello is down five to #35, and finally, “Lights Up” by Harry Styles is down eight positions to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There aren’t any returning entries, after all, we seldom have too many re-entries to the chart, but there is a handful of dropouts from the chart. First of all, we have the three-songs-per-artist rule coming into effect for the first notable time in a while, as since there’s a new Stormzy song, “Audacity” featuring Headie One is out from #26 and I’m going to predict it’s definitely back next week. Also out is the promising new arrival “Savage” by MIST out off of the debut at #35, non-starter, “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA from the Frozen II soundtrack, out from #37, and “Heartless” by the Weeknd, out from #38.

Before we get into the new arrivals, here are some songs in the top 75 that have a trajectory seemingly aiming for the top 40, that I’d like to see get there. Not all of these songs are good but they are all healthy predictions. We have “Good News” by the late Mac Miller at #49, “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy at #60, “Say So” by Doja Cat at #65, “SUGAR” by BROCKHAMPTON at #66, “Eleven” by Khalid at #70, and “Roses” by Saint Jhn at #72. I’d bet money on most of these eventually making the top 40. Anyway, here’s the main attraction:

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “You should be sad” – Halsey

Produced by Greg Kurstin

It should be no surprise that I’m not the biggest fan of Halsey. Part of her alternative-pop-girl image was really pretentious and turned me off initially but once she fully embraced she was a pop singer, whilst I respect her more, I still found her lacking, arguably more so, as a singer and songwriter. This song, however, is pretty unique, and it comes from her album Manic, which I’ve yet to listen to. It’s a country song, funnily enough right next to the only other country song that made a big splash in the UK last year, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus, which is at #36. It’s not a common occurrence for country songs to appear on the UK Singles Chart, for obvious reasons, but I’ll take a Shania Twain-influenced country pop song dependent on more neo-traditional 90s pedal-steel—Listen, I know little to nothing about country, and I’m throwing all these random key terms around... I’m not necessarily the best person to speak on this, and I know that, but I guess I’ll see if I myself prefer Halsey’s ninth UK top 40 hit. For what it’s worth, the guitar line here is really sweet, but Halsey’s voice with an additional country twang and drowned in reverb, just sounds kind of gross and ugly? I guess that’s the best way to say it, and even though sometimes it works, she seems way too downbeat and subtle for a vengeful kiss-off... until the entire flow of the verse obstructs for the chorus, which is introduced by a really dodgy, awkward wave of distorted strings that just sound awful. Whatever tone, genre, style or mood this song attempts to build up is immediately broken by that, and whilst some of these lyrics are really specific and genuinely pretty good, I’m tuned out until that killer electric guitar riff comes in and steals the show... before it just goes again. It’s not like there’s build-up to the riff either, or that it’s a break from the momentum because everything just keeps happening in the background. It’s not a drop because there’s no climax or catharsis to it, it’s just a cool riff that’s... there. Yeah, this is wasted potential, and that’s not even including the questionable at best mixing and whatever the hell that bridge is. This song might actually be broken, like what happened in the mediating process, guys? Who leant on seven wrong buttons at the same time? God, what a hot mess of a song.

#28 – “Rare” – Selena Gomez

Produced by Sir Nolan and Simon Says

Selena Gomez has a new album. It’s where “Lose You to Love Me” comes from. It’s probably pretty mediocre. I do not care for Selena Gomez. She makes robot pop music. It is about as standard and droning as these sentences. This is her 16th solo UK top 40 hit, or without “the Scene” if you prefer—that clause alone gives me more character than a Selena Gomez album. Sometimes with good songwriters, she can get something decent out of her limited range and bland production, and with Madison Love as a songwriter and Charli XCX involved as the person originally handed the song, I actually have somewhat high expectations for this, and you know what? It’s promising. The lo-fi bass groove and steady funk/soul groove in the intro is pretty sweet, but then the whole 2019 pop schtick comes in, and some of the soul is lost, but it has a pretty quirky, fun string instrumental with nice, bubbly synths and seemingly randomly-placed hi-hats. Here, Gomez actually works pretty well as she stays calm until the chorus, and she doesn’t sound too bad there, even if she’s desperately filling up the meter with nonsense, because it does sound like a child’s nursery rhyme. Hence, she fits in perfectly with the petty lyrics and cute instrumental. The guitar in the post-chorus/bridge sounds really great too. Perhaps it is over-long though, as three minutes and 40 seconds does make the chorus wear off, although it really could not have been as good as a song without that bridge, as the slow sense of dread is keeping up in the pre-chorus, with that intense bass groove and what seem to be airplane crash sound effects, only to propel itself back into a really cute chorus, with kind of an 80s sound I’m just noticing. Yeah, this is pretty good, and it has Charli XCX kind of written all over it. I’d like to hear a remix if that’s fine with you, Selena. You’ve impressed me with this one.

#21 – “STILL DISAPPOINTED” – Stormzy

Produced by Mikey J

This is Stormzy’s 22nd UK Top 40 hit and Christ, there’s a lot to unpack with this one. Okay, so this is the 2019-2020 Grime War, or at least that’s what r/grime is calling it. There have been 32 rappers or MCs involved in the war so far, including Ed Sheeran, but most are just mentioned in diss tracks, or “dubs” as the grime scene calls them, without responding. Basically, JAY1, who has been on this show before, didn’t pay Dot Rotten for producing the song “Million Bucks”, which was credited to Steel Banglez (It’s actually a great beat, by the way, I’d want credit too), so Dot Rotten released three dubs, one of which was copyright-claimed by JAY1, thus in response Dot released another song called “Copyright Claim This, P***y”. Classy. Then two of the most desperate-for-attention people in the grime scene find themselves dissing each other: Dot Rotten and Wiley. Within four days, Dot Rotten releases eight dubs. There’s this whole mess with Wiley, Dot and Jaykae, but then finally, a fan asks if he will be dissing Jaykae. Wiley says, “Never, he’s with Ed and Stormzy now”. Hence, Wiley and Stormzy go back and forth for a while on Twitter, and the beef escalates, with Wiley posting a Stormzy dub called “Eeydiat Skengman”, which is just okay, but has a pretty killer beat. Stormzy responds with “DISAPPOINTED”, but the reception is lukewarm. Sure, the Brexit joke was funny, but he had mostly weak bars and he also called himself the King of Grime over a drill beat. In fact, might as well cover all the Wiley tracks: they all sound the same. The beef has mostly stopped for now, but it’s still going on in the lower echelon. I would argue it probably stopped because of Stormzy’s final dub, “STILL DISAPPOINTED”, which is hilarious, and actually on a grime beat, in fact it’s on an iconic beat from the first Lord of the Mics in 2004, “Mic Check 1-2” by Kano. It starts out pretty okay, Stormzy just saying that he’s a real G and all... but then:

So why you love to talk about mums so much?

The entire diss track is about Wiley’s mother, and that when Wiley’s house was threatened by bricks and guns during gang violence, he (supposedly) sent her to Cyprus instead of trying to rescue her and improving her quality of life. He then says that his mother is pregnant because Wiley is fraud (Huh?), that Stormzy will have sex with his mother, and that she is a whore, but it’s not her fault that she had to move to Cyprus, but he will still have sex with his mother and become the man of the house. He takes only a few bars to relax and stop going on this tangent detailing Wiley’s mother’s move to Cyprus, but then comes back to the topic again, and whilst some of the bars make seemingly no sense at least to me, the dub is cruel and so oddly specific that I’d be incredibly offended. I’d probably want to fight Stormzy after this, honestly, and the song isn’t even that great. It’s a diss track, so I can’t really critique it as a song and not a personal attack, but Stormzy’s flow and charisma is definitely there and this was a funny listen.

Also, this line had me cackling:

I never wanna hear you say, "Free the mandem" (Yeah) / Let's go Cyprus and go free your mumzy

#3 – “Life is Good” – Future and Drake

Produced by OZ and D. Hill

It is so weird to see Future here. Drake not so much obviously, but this song peaked at #2 in the US, nearly giving Future his first #1, all thanks to Drake. Without Drake, the song would still be entirely coherent but it wouldn’t chart at all. That’s because this is not a collaboration in any sense of the word. It wouldn’t even fit under the guise of their little collaborative effort, What a Time to be Alive. It’s a Drake song, and then a Future song. Hold on, let me change this.

#3 – “Life is Good” – Drake, then Future

Produced by OZ and D. Hill

I don’t mind guest artists having solo sections of songs, hell, Drake had one on Travis Scott’s “SICKO MODE” a year back, but there’s a beat switch in the middle that completely separates both performances. Drake has a chorus, as does Future. Drake has a verse, Future has two—under two completely separate beats. At least on “SICKO MODE”, Travis joined in with Drake and Tay Keith for a verse and a couple ad-libs under the same beat. Sigh, I guess it doesn’t matter in the end, even though Future cheated a chart placement; it’s not as obviously fraudulent as Ellie Goulding’s efforts, or John Legend’s. I’m surprised that a plain and simple trap-rap song charted this high in the first place, even if it was just Drake (And for most people who skip after the first two minutes, it might as well be). I don’t know why I’m complaining honestly, because the song is honestly pretty good. I would have usually dismissed this as dark trap-rap nonsense with no redeemable qualities, but this is one of those songs with such a lack of energy it’s almost eerie, and those creepy synths in Drake’s part are fantastic in making it sound like that. Repeating inflections from “Mob Ties” aside, Drake’s performance is pretty good, with a couple funny lines, although I’m not sure how intentionally funny they were.

Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up

[Gnarly dude]s caught me slippin’ once, okay, so what?

I think Pusha T’s diss track about you hiding a child was a bit more than being caught slipping once, Aubrey. Anyway, after a voice memo interlude from Future, we have a pretty great beat, with an admittedly stiff but still impressive trap groove, and while Future is less on beat than Drake and arguably less interesting, he rides the beat well enough, and the synths are really quiet, for whatever reason. Regardless, this is a pretty cool song with great flows from both rappers and an eerie, cool beat from OZ. 

I’m trying to avoid nonsense, get Osama spray in this b****, woo!

HUH

Conclusion

This was actually a pretty great week, with the obvious Worst of the Week going to Halsey’s “You should be sad”, and a surprising Best of the Week for “Rare” by Selena Gomez. In fact, I’m going to give a tied Honourable Mention instead of any Dishonourable Mentions, so it’s going to Stormzy’s “STILL DISAPPOINTED” and Drake’s, then Future’s, “Life is Good”. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank, I’ll see you next week.

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[weekendwarriorblog]

THE LEGO MOVIE 2: ED’s Very Important Thoughts on the Animated Sequel

It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since Lord and Miller’sThe LEGO Movie blew everyone out of the water with the fact that an animated advertisement for the LEGO brand could turn out to be an enjoyable and funny family with a nice message about playing with your toys. (Sure, Pixar kind of beat them to the punch with three Toy Story movies, but whatever.)

Lord and Miller are back to write the sequel with Mike Mitchell (Trolls) directing, and as the title suggests, it actually takes place right after the end of the first movie when the main boy is told by his father (Will Ferrell) that he has to let his little sister play with the LEGOs, too. The results are these toddler-created monsters threatening Bricksburg, which is a great gag, sure, but not one you might think worthy of a five-year cliffhanger. Those alien creatures are the wards of the Tiffany Haddish-voiced Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi, who wants the Chris Pratt-voiced Emmet’s friends to come to her royal wedding, but Emmett decides to save his pals from the queen’s brainwashing instead.  On the way, he meets Rex Dangervest, a tougher and cooler version of himself (also voiced by Pratt), and the two of them travel to the Queen’s planet, mainly to rescue Emmett’s ongoing love interest Wyldstyle/Lucy (Elizabeth Banks).

So how did this turn out?

In a nutshell, I HATED IT.

I’m not trying to be a Cranky McCrankerson here, but before I get into my review in more detail, let me paint a picture for you: I go to the screening room, presuming it will mostly be press (or the press that hadn’t already left for Sundance) seeing the movie early so they can review by the time the embargo breaks. Instead, it’s mostly made up of parents with small children who talked all the way through the movie… and that wasn’t even my biggest issue, because the movie was supposedly MADE for kids. No, I was sitting next to this older guy who was laughing and reacting so loudly to EVERY SINGLE SMALL GAG that I could barely hear the dialogue being said sometimes. After about fifteen minutes of him and a couple others behind me cackling like hyenas, I thought I was going crazy. Am I missing something here? Was that small gag really THAT funny?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, as I’ve been a fan of Lord and Miller for a long time, and up until this movie, I thought they could do wrong. They’ve even managed to avoid the sequel slump TWICE with two decent sequels, but this time? Not so much. Clearly, their focus may have been more on making Spider-Verse great, because this one ended up just being a lot of recycled one-joke characters – yeah, we get it… Batman has an ego, Benny loves spaceships – and a bunch of new characters who didn’t do much for me. Tiffany Haddish basically just does her usual schtick, voicing the film’s pseudo-baddie with the filmmakers expecting that audience members will be along for the ride. 

And then there’s the songs, which were somewhat endearing in the original LEGO Movie, but now seems to be making fun of its own silliness by including a song sung diabolically by Haddish about her not being evil and others which are are similarly inane. (There’s a song called “Catchy Song” that’s meant to be super catchy… get it?)

Chris Pratt is still having a good time now voicing two very different roles, although Emmett’s bright enthusiasm in the face of horrible occurences wears itself thin pretty quickly. Elizabeth Banks is also great, and sure, it’s hard to hate Will Arnett voicing Batman, but it always feels like everyone is trying too hard while not pushing the envelope nearly enough to make Part 2 stand apart as its own movie.  (The real world stuff is overused, whereas in the original, it was a nice change of scenery/environment.)

Clearly, Lord and Miller know what worked so well from the first movie, and they make very little effort to reinvent said money-making wheel, plus new director Mike Mitchell also doesn’t seem to have an idea what’s working humor-wise or not. (True confession: I HATED Trolls, too.)  Basically, everything and the kitchen sink is thrown at the viewer until they no longer can resist being dragged along for the ride. That’s right. The viewer themselves are being brainwashed, and while the first movie made an effort to avoid or create humor out of its obvious consumerism, this one goes so overboard as to have a recurring joke of showing the product ID of some of the bricks being used in the builds. In other words, no one involved making this movie can ever make a joke about product placement or Disney’s merchandising in movies ever again. (It partially reminded me of 2017′s The Emoji Movie, though not quite as flagrant.)

When all else fails, it falls back on the cameos and inside jokes that only adults will get and only dimwitted fanboys and girls will laugh at. In other words, it’s playing down to the rubes – people who will mindlessly laugh at anything that connects with their own personal worldview. Normally that would be fine in a family film, but there’s so much that will leave the kids out in the cold. A Mad Max: Fury Roadgag? Twilight? Back to the Future? Really? It just feels like Lord and Miller have lost touch with the primary audience this movie is supposed to appeal to—kids—and instead want to make sure their parents i.e the ones that make the money to buy their kids all the movie-related LEGO toys, are having a good time. I don’t think me not being a parent was why it didn’t necessarily work on me.

There also generally seems to be too many messages from the typical “be yourself, cause that’s what people like” (not always true) and even worse is the one to “play nice with your little sister.” As someone who spent four years begging my mother for a little sister and then realizing what a nightmare she would be for the next 20 years of my life (I kid, sis!), it’s hard to give a thumbs up to a movie that’s probably eschewing the same message that will probably be the message of the upcoming Toy Story 4. Sure, there is some third act cleverness with a time travel twist, but it feels like younger kids will probably be scratching their heads trying to understand that, as well.

With an uninspired plot that pummels the viewer with jokes only the simplest of minds will laugh at -- and I’m not even talking about kids here! -- The LEGO Movie 2 is a lot like the animated version of the Fyre Festival. So are we having fun yet?

Rating: 5/10

[jillmckenzie1]

This Franchise is Terminated

Sometimes it feels like franchises never end. There’s a bunch of films in the Fast and Furious series, the James Bond movies have been trucking along since 1962, and the MCU will end at roughly the same time that our sun goes supernova and wipes out all human life on our fragile planet.

But franchises end. Consider the little-remembered Francis the Talking Mule series. Based on a 1946 novel, seven films were made during the 1950s about a mule in the Army that could talk. Presumably, they were profitable—for a while, anyway. As time went on, audiences either a) searched for new diversions in the cinema or b) realized they repeatedly spent good money on movies about a talking mule and turned away from the world in abject shame.

That trend continues today, and franchises that once seemed bulletproof have breathed their last for a variety of reasons. The Lethal Weapon series went kaput, likely due to the racist antics of Mel Gibson. The Jason Bourne films fizzled out, likely due to irrelevance. The Scary Movie flicks faced a dishonorable end due to being ragingly not funny. And then…there were the Terminator movies.

Granted, The Terminator is a mean and streamlined film that effortlessly combines horror, science fiction, action, and a loopy love story. Granted, Terminator 2: Judgment Day is one of the greatest sequels ever made. Yet Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is only okayish, Terminator: Salvation is simply dumb robot fun, and Terminator: Genisys is absolutely awful. Get kicked in the nuts enough times, and eventually, you’ll ask the person kicking you to stop. After all of that, Terminator: Dark Fate never really stood a chance.

Lucky for us, this is the first film in the series that doesn’t take place in Los Angeles. Instead, a familiar ball of blue electricity appears under a bridge in Mexico City. Inside it is Grace (Mackenzie Davis), a woman of such intense focus, she doesn’t seem to notice she’s stark naked. You will not be surprised to learn she’s from the future, nor will you be surprised to learn she has a mission. However, you might be mildly surprised to learn she’s an augmented human. Grace is strong, fast, and can absolutely wreck ass.

She’ll need all her skills since her mission ain’t easy. Grace’s job is to protect Dani Ramos (Natalia Reyes), a young woman working at an auto assembly plant. In a nice thematic moment, Dani begins her day learning that her brother Diego (Diego Boneta) will be laid off. Why? He’s being replaced by a robot.

That’s the least of her worries, as she’s being stalked by the Rev-9 (Gabriel Luna), a mass-murdering machine that has the ability to shapeshift and split itself between a cybernetic endoskeleton and a liquid metal exterior.* Like other Terminator models before it, the Rev-9 is designed to be nigh-indestructible, but at least this one actually attempts to pass undetected at times.**

The chase begins, and in the midst of gratuitous destruction, Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) shows up to save the day—for a couple of minutes, at least. She arrives armed to the teeth with lots of guns and a really negative attitude. Can the three of them hold their own against a fiendish cybernetic thingy? No, and that’s where a certain T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) comes in.

The Hollywood Reporter tells us that Terminator: Dark Fate is expected to bomb, losing somewhere in the neighborhood of $120 million, a sum that kills the franchise as dead as Julius Caesar. With a loss like that, the film must be a monument to cinematic incompetence, a film that’s so bad that it’s not just a trash fire but a trash conflagration, right? No, and that’s the frustrating part. As sequels go, Dark Fate is pretty good, a perfectly fun time at the movies.

Part of the reason for the film’s superior pedigree is director Tim Miller and producer James Cameron. A great deal of time was spent hammering out the story, and how the film should look and feel. It feels like an honest-to-God Terminator movie. Things start off with a bang, and from there Miller puts his foot on the gas and never lets up. Miller’s pacing is almost too intense, and instead of characters yelling exposition at each other, there needs to be a few more moments allowing us to breathe and get to know everyone. Miller also effectively juggles CGI and practical effects and stunt work. The end result is a mostly handsome film that generally delivers the goods.

You’d also expect a screenplay with eight credited writers to be nothing short of disastrous. The best possible scenario unfolded, in which the final draft was okay. A wise decision was made to pretend the previous three films happened in an alternate timeline and treat Dark Fate as a direct sequel to the first two films. A sizeable risk is taken with the story in the first few minutes, and while there are a number of…well, let’s call them echoes of previous films, there are also several scenes and concepts that effectively push the Terminator mythos forward.

If you’ve spent any amount of time online, you know a small but vocal group of people are Very Angry that diversity is taking place in films. It’s cool, says I, for a mammoth franchise like this to have three women at the center of the story, giving three quality performances.*** Linda Hamilton came out of retirement to reprise the role of Sarah Connor. While she’s a little too glib at times, I liked where she took her character. Natalia Reyes’ Dani is also somewhat underwritten, and I would have liked a bit more agency from her character instead of being yanked around. As Grace, Mackenzie Davis is great fun. She’s game for all of the bananas physical scenes, and she occasionally flashes a tired sense of humor.

It wouldn’t be a proper Terminator movie without our old pal Arnold. As he’s gotten older, he’s become a better actor,**** and he returns to his iconic role of the T-800 with humor and physicality. We’re in the late stage of Schwarzenegger’s career, and like Sylvester Stallone in Creed, we need one more role to sum up his legacy and examine what he means. This ain’t it, but I have a suspicion that it’s coming.

Why did Terminator: Dark Fate fail? Is it due to audiences losing faith in a franchise after three poorly-received entries in a row? Are people simply tired of Schwarzenegger’s schtick? Is it the old story of folks being highly risk-averse when it comes to venturing to the theater? I suspect it’s a combination of all those reasons, and it saddens me that a once-unstoppable franchise has been decisively brought to a halt. Dark Fate deserved better, and time will prove that.

    *Throughout the movie, the Rev-9 is shown to have the ability to transform parts of itself into a gun. Why doesn’t it shift into a bomb, a jet pack, or a phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range? Because then there wouldn’t be a movie, I suppose.

**Unlike virtually all the previous films. Though I like the idea that Skynet thought an Austrian bodybuilder was the perfect specimen for covert work.

***No doubt someone very stupid has made the argument that Dark Fate failed financially due to “political correctness.” This person conveniently forgets that the Terminator films have always been unapologetically feminist.

****Seriously! Check him out in Maggie, where he gives a legit strong performance as a grieving father in the midst of the zombie apocalypse.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/this-franchise-is-terminated/

[trevorbarre]

Early electronic (synth)pop - a tribute. Part the First.

Writing my last blog on 90s electronica a few days ago inevitably bought me back to one of the genre’s predecessors, that peculiar explosion of ‘avant stars on 45′, from the years of 1978-82. Yes, I know that there were predecessors to these predecessors - wags often cite 1971′s Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep by the knowingly titled Middle of the Road as the first pop hit to be led by the synthesiser, the Roxy Music of Virginia Plain and Georgio Moroder’s work with the likes of Donna Summer on Love to Love You Baby and I Feel Love, and I’m sure that y’all out there can think of others, but there is a particular group of adventurous young electronic pioneers that gave us a series of highly unusual 45 rpm singles in the summer of 1978 whom I wish to celebrate in this blog. The fact that they all chose to use the 7″ format is a refection both of it’s importance in the punk and the post-punk period (approximately 1977 - 82) and how so many artists rose to the challenge of such a ‘restrictive’ presentation for their work.

The marvellous triple CD set on Ohm Records, The Early Pioneers of Electronic Music 1948-1980, ended with a nod to Brian Eno, with a track from On Land from the latter year. The discs are very much a tribute to the ‘straight’ side of electronic experimentation, featuring most of the canon of ‘contemporary classical’ beasts - Stockhausen, Dockstader, Babbitt, Oliveros, Xenakis, Ashley, Lucier, etc, - and is a must-have for it’s pulling together of so much essential modernist material, but Simon Reynolds, in his peerless ‘Rip It Up and Start Again’, did indeed make a new start, by describing a new sub-set of very young British groups and individuals who were combining electronic sounds and ‘pop’ elements into a new ‘pop’ format. As Simon put it, “in mid-1978, a curious spate of cultural synchrony meant that Warn Leatherette [by The Normal aka Mute’s Daniel Miller] appeared around the same time as several other lo-fi electronic singles, all released on indie labels” (page 99). I still remember the joy I felt at the time of the book’s publication, in 2005, that a significant music writer had finally recognised, in print, this indeed “curious spate” of incredibly unusual singles by a bunch of unknown, mostly provincial, groups. Being there at the time, I recall that, over two to three months, there seemed to about one release per week, and it is surely a series that deserves to be remembered and celebrated, forty or so years after. the main event.

I’ve decided to call this set of fantastic singles ‘The Canonical Six’. Although there were other great electronic’ pop- singles to come, these deserve grouping together, as Reynolds eventually did, as a nonpareil of DIY independence and ground-laying. So here they are, in no particular order:

Robert Rental and Paralysis/ACC. An album’s worth of material on a 7″, it remains an unprecedented achievement and would need an entire blog by itself to give it any justice. Now a forgotten figure, which is criminal.

Thomas Leer’s Private Plain/International. A mate of Rental’s, Leer’s first single is a companion piece to his. An ‘indie’ landmark, it is incredibly atmospheric, recorded in his Crouch End bedsit, the whispered vocals necessitated to the need to not awake his sleeping girlfriend, who was working in the morning.

Cabaret Voltaire’s EP, Extended Play. Another album-in-a-single, this (together with the first Factory record, A Factory Sampler) introduced most of us outside Manchester to the Cabs’ long career. The latter EP also made us aware of the potential of Joy Division.

The Human League’s Being Boiled was the calling card of one of the most important electronica acts of them all, and was like nothing else we had heard at the time.

Throbbing Gristle’s United/Zyklon B Zombie on Industrial Records (what the hell was that?) led us a bit up the garden path, with it’s pastoral hues on the first track. The ‘sick’ (in both senses of the word?) ‘B’ side was ultimately a more accurate glimpse of their schtick.

The Normal’s Warm Leatherette/TV OD was a Ballard miniature, back when Ballard was far from well-known. It’s auteur, Daniel Miller, made the record ‘single’-handedly in his Temple Fortune attic, in a similar fashion to Leer’s achievement. Miller went on to become one of the most influential figures of them all, with his Mute Label giving many of the pop electronica crowd their initial shots at fame.

To be continued...

[gerardwayisarchive]

MSI’S JIMMY URINE ANNOUNCES SOLO LP FEATURING GERARD WAY AND…ROBOTS?

https://gerardwayisalive.tumblr.com/post/176963498454

https://www.altpress.com/features/jimmy-urine-james-euringer-solo-record/

Jason Pettigrew  August 13, 2018

“I wanted it to sound as if Depeche Mode hired J Dilla and DJ Premier to drop loops while Frank Zappa produced—and then I came in and shit all over it.” So says James Euringeraka Little Jimmy Urine of ADD-addled electro-rockers Mindless Self Indulgence when asked to describe his new solo album under the handle Euringer, featuring cameos from folks such as Gerard Way, System Of A Down’s Serj Tankian, Grimes and Chantal Claret.

(Read more: Jimmy Urine talks MSI, Guardians Of The Galaxy role and new album.)

The album—slated for release Oct. 19 by Metropolis Records—is the beginning of a whole new chapter for the multi-instrumentalist and programmer. After visiting New Zealand a few times in the past, Euringer and his wife, Claret, decided to leave their Los Angeles home and move to the other side of the world.

“I totally think New Zealand is the most awesome place in the world,” he says. “It’s like a combination of San Francisco, New York City and Middle Earth. And I’ve always wanted to live in Middle Earth.”  

“We loved [New Zealand] when Obama was president, but now we love it more since it synced up with the world turning to shit!,” he continues. “Awesome! We’re ahead of the curve!’”

Moving is one big step for a whole new reboot. While his previous album The Secret Cinematic Sounds Of Jimmy Urine was primarily an instrumental dive into various synth-laden idioms inspired by such classic electronic composers as Vangelis and Jean-Michel Jarre, Euringer is a whole new pint glass of piss altogether.

The album’s audio verité vibe is best described as sneaking through Urine’s diary, with diversions of everything from metaphorical politics to wild-assed cover versions to having his buddies and parents (Ma Euringer counts in Spanish on “That’s How Jimmy Gets Down” while Dad assumes the role of disappointed parent on “Two And A Half Years” and a bitter old record producer on the cover of the Doobie Brothers’ “What A Fool Believes”) helping him out on the record.

“This album is kind of a psychedelic, counterculture, avant-garde record with vocals,” he opines. “I’m calling it Euringer because I didn’t want to corrupt any of the other stuff. It’s not Cinematic Sounds. It’s not MSI, which have always been a provocative in-your-face kind of band. [The solo album] allows me to experiment with various BPM speeds, lyrics and tones and try some other avenues.

“It is very personal,” he agrees. “As much as I like being in a crazy shock-rock band, the one thing that gets lost is that people focus on the shock rock and don’t really focus on the fact that I’m a really fucking great programmer, and I’m a deconstructionist and an audio collagist.”

“I sculpt audio and make songs around it,” he continues.“And that’s the first thing that gets lost. [imitates fast-talking industry type.] ‘Awww, Jimmy! You’re crazy and the band’s crazy and they’re great and they do all this provocative amazing stuff,’ and that’s fine—that’s what Mindless are supposed to be. But nobody ever says, ‘I like how you programmed that beat and sampled that stuff backwards.’ [Laughs.] That area is what I went full hog into.”

Urine is thrilled with what his collaborators brought to the proceedings. On “If It Ain’t You Today It’ll Be You Tomorrow,” Urine and Tankian updated Rev. Martin Niemöller’s famous anti-Nazi sermon, “First They Came For The Socialists…” “I always thought that quote was really great,” Urine says. “I wanted to write something a little bit political considering the climate, but not a whole record. Serj was in one of the most amazing politically charged bands of the last 20 years. He went through a whole bunch of lyrics and poetry that he had and screamed stuff for an hour. We had coffee, and I went home and edited [the parts] I liked. The point I’m trying to make [on the song] is that we should all stand up for fringe causes because once they’re gone, you’re next.”

Urine teams up with Claret on “Fuck Everything,” describing it as “our ex-pat song. We kind of wrote it while we were packing up our house and leaving, and then we recorded it in Wellington. She’s a really great songwriter: I’ll be sculpting a song for two months, and she’ll write one in a day. I was like, ‘Oh, my God, that was so quick! No wonder I married you!’” [Laughs.]

For “The Medicine Does Not Control Me,” Urine was trying to write a song about alcohol that wasn’t about partying or rehab. “I don’t have an addictive personality. I’m not trying to use alcohol to escape; I use it for time travel,” he explains. “I can pull myself a glass of scotch and then go watch a ton of movies that are based in New York. I can find a movie that was shot in the neighborhood I grew up—‘Oh, there’s the place I went to school. There’s the place where I used to play pinball’—immerse myself in it and then fall asleep. I don’t drink to get crazy. I think there’s a middle ground where people use liquor to get creative, but you never hear songs about it. You only hear the ones where people ‘went too far’ or they’re ‘gonna party!’”

He wanted to work with electronic/hip-hop maven Grimes because of her hands-on work ethic. “She’s DIY like a motherfucker. There aren’t a lot of ladies doing synth work, producing, mastering, editing their own videos, everything. Because she’s so talented, I wanted her to write the track and to produce me singing it, like a reverse Britney Spears thing: I’m the ingenue, and Grimes is the mastermind. We didn’t have enough time to do it that way, so I gave her some tracks and ["Medicine”] was the one she chose.”

Urine has been friends with Way back in the days when My Chemical Romance were opening for MSI in NYC. So having the 21st century polymath appear on the fast-paced “Sailor In A Life Boat” was a complete no-brainer.

“First of all,” he begins to laugh, “Gerard could have sang every song on the record! MCR did a B-side from something off Danger Days [�["Zero Percent”]here the programming was drum-and-bassy, very weird and hard at the same time, like MCR being MSI.”

“This time, I figured we’d go the other way and leave it up to Gerard,” he continues.“I sent him the song, and he obviously knocked it out. The lyrics—“you’re a dogface on the frontline,” “a pilot on a ship that’s going down,” convey that you used to be a sailor in the Navy, but now you’re just some dude sitting in the middle of the fucking ocean. His vocal and lyrical style comes across to me like a Frank Miller comic book from 1981, like Sin Cityand stuff.”

As usual, Urine can’t resist taking a swipe at the scene. And here he is with “Random EMO Top Line Generator,” one of the most heartfelt songs he’s ever written. And the joke is on all of us: Much like the net’s random name generators for everything from porn star names to Wu-Tang handles and other monikers, Urine had the net write lyrics.

“I loaded up, like, a thousand random generators that gave me words,” he explains. “I put in a word, then a random generator would give me a sentence. Than I’d put that sentence into a different random generator, and it would give me a phrase. I wrote this song based on what I’d get out of these random generators, and I made it a very emotional and heartfelt song.”

“So the schtick is people will say, ‘Wow, it’s so deep, look how mature Jimmy is,’” he continues.“Motherfuckers, a robot wrote that song. The robot wrote the lyrics, and you’re lovin’ it! A robot wrote a song that’s so emotionally empowering it could have been written in the last 10 years. And random generators are all over the internet, you could write a whole album that way! We’re really living in a William Gibson cyberpunk reality these days.”

With all the cool collabs with women, men and machines happening on Euringer, it might be easy to ignore the elephant in the room. You know, the one with “MSI” painted in 4-foot DayGlo letters and festooned with crudely rendered drawings of penises. Urine swears that everything is good with his homies in Mindless, and the door is always open.

“That’s not the reason I made a solo album or why I moved to New Zealand. We were all on different coasts. These days, the technology exists so you don’t even have to be in the same room to make a record. MSI are a wonderful art project that never stops.”

And you’re not going to see Euringer on tour to support the new album, either. “I’m not going to tour for it because I’m gonna chill here in New Zealand for a while,” he says. “I’ll make some videos, do press and work on some top secret projects—maybe a Mindless record—down here. Incorporating New Zealand in all the stuff I’m doing is really cool and fun. I like touring with Mindless; I don’t need to put a whole new band together.”

Right now though, he’s enjoying his time in Middle Earth and keeping busy. He’s also working alongside Tankian and the animation house ShadowMachine for an English gangster cartoon called Fuktronic. Expect more, but on his terms, as he steadfastly refuses to reveal if the other projects he’s got rolling are for film, video games or elevators.

“Oh man, I wanna do stuff for elevators really bad!” he beams excitedly, in the same perverse glee that has marked every creative avenue he’s cartwheeled and silly-walked on for decades. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten into an elevator that had music playing in it.” He pauses for a moment. “Damn, we gotta bring Muzak back into elevators. I’m gonna change all the Mindless songs into Muzak. The future is elevators.”

You can preorder Euringer here prior to its mid-October release date. Check out “Problematic” from the LP and the record’s artwork below.