#I like it when I know a good amount abt a thing I like. it feels nice.
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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While Edwin is acting like an asshole to an actual 16yo who was just possessed by a demon, lost her memories and had nowhere to go, Charles was a dick to Edwin there.
He knows that Edwin doesn't like change, he knows he's not good with people, but he still decided, on his own and without Edwin's consent, to allow Crystal to stay with them. Charles is not the only one leading the agency, they both are and this kind of decisions should ABSOLUTELY be discussed before. Especially when one is clearly against even before this choice was formulated.
It's not like there weren't any other options for Crystal : they could have gone to the police and say she lost her memories (they probably know her already btw, thanks to her previous angelic behaviors), they could have asked other psychics (they're all probably adult given how Charles talked abt them)...
Many options except the one who will unnerved Edwin the most (and there probably many of us who would have the same reaction as him), but Charles is so excited that he tunnel-vision on Crystal and basically ignores Edwin's feelings (that he knows came partially from his traumas from Hell)
I will go as far as saying that Edwin and Crystal began this bad bc of Charles. Yes, Crystal - with her powers (she can do things he can't no matter his amount of knowledge or his time of pratice) and personnality - is a menace for Edwin's way of thing and self-esteem. But the biggest issue came from Charles behavior. Charles who's so clearly crushing on Crystal, Charles who's always taking her side, Charles who ignores Edwin's feelings and traumas and forces things on him he clearly doesn't want. Charles who talked about his more private feelings to a stranger but never to Edwin.
Charles has his own traumas and we can't expect him to cater to everyone and to always have the perfect reactions. But when you see Edwin's reaction to Niko, it's the day and night. Yes, Niko has a more calm attitude (the first thing she did wasn't to insult the name the boys are so fond of) and doesn't have powers that make her a competition to Edwin. But he accepted her almost immediately, he's never bitchy to her, he supports her and her traumas, they spends time together...
I'm honestly surprised Crystal is not a bit bitter at Edwin for the different treatment of her and Niko.
In conclusion, imperfect teenagers acting like imperfect teenagers
#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin paine#edwin payne#crystal palace#niko sasaki#and after that Charles dares to be jealous when Edwin is just FRIENDS with another guy#dude really#I love you but come one
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Charlos - divorce
For the driver lauring and random word
Prompt word: Divorce | Pairing: Charlos
Carlos knew he was crying, could feel the slow wetness against his cheeks, the uncontrollable shake in his fingers as his body refused to cooperate with him.
The phone in his hand slipped slightly — the call had long ended, yet the device had remained in its position next to his ear. A slow stream of acknowledgement coursed through him —
It was done. It was over. There was nothing more after this.
He didn’t know what to do now, should he go and make the breakfast smoothie he normally had at this time? Go cut up half the strawberries he normally did, pour half the amount of milk he usually did? Should he go look at the unfinished nursery they had so meticulously been planning? Figure out what to do with the newly bought pastel blue crib, the baby monitor so recently installed?
Should he ignore the missing half of his heart? Force himself to breathe the same amount with half his arteries gone?
He didn’t know.
How had it even come to this? They were doing so good. They were planning to adopt a baby, for god’s sake! Carlos had only bid Charles goodbye a mere week ago, kissing his husband softly on the lips as the other man boarded his flight to go attend another one of those nonsensical Ferrari meetings. They had shared a happy smile— had said the usual ‘I love you’s’ to each other. Charles had said it, he’d clearly told Carlos he loved him. His lover had looked straight into his eyes and told him he couldn’t wait to be back, to finally go and look at the adoption centres that they both had so joyfully made lists of.
Yet, here Carlos stood — his whole world crashing down in front of him, legs trembling as he tried his best to remain upright; tried his best to ignore the absence of the slimmer, paler body that he’d grown so accustomed to having next to him.
The Williams driver sat down, body creaking and groaning as it settled against the hardwood floor beneath him.
How could Charles do this to him. How could he do this.
Sure, the leaked photos of them together were sudden and undeniable — their fingers intertwined as they stood next to each other in the vegetable aisle of their local grocery shop, smiles on both their faces, noses an inch apart and eyes crinkled with love — but Carlos had thought that this was finally it. They’d finally come out; he’d finally be able to hold his husband’s hand in public, finally be able to kiss his cariño openly after a particularly good race, wrap his arms around the other during race weekends without having to worry about anything.
A cold laugh left him.
Oh, how he’d thought. How he’d believed.
What a fool he was, calling Charles excitedly in hopes of sharing his joy with his husband. What a fool.
He’d been met with nothing but silence, an extended ring as his call went to voicemail; Carlos had thought nothing of it, pressing the dial button a total of two more times before coming to the conclusion that Charles must be busy — and it was probably time for him to sleep anyway, Charles would probably call him later and then they could finally celebrate.
What a fool.
The only thing he’d received from Charles was a four line text. Ferrari wanted them to act like it was just another old teammate photoshoot. The tifosi wouldn’t accept this relationship. Ferrari couldn’t accept this relationship. Ferrari would drop him if he were to remain with Carlos.
The dark haired man had laughed, he’d laughed and laughed, laughed when he realised Charles had blocked his number, laughed when Charles’ lawyers had called him, laughed when he’d been told that the divorce papers would be mailed to him, laughed as he choked and sobbed and left bloodied marks against the kitchen counter he’d gripped.
Carlos’ head thunked against the rustic floor.
God. Let this be a nightmare, god. Give me mercy, god.
WHAT ABT A HI? A HELLO? A HOW R U DOING? DO I LOOK LIKE A COMMON WHORE ANON??😔 Nah lmfao I hope this matched ur expectations💗, I did get a little bit carried away with it though😭 (in my defense I WAS listening to 'traitor' by Olivia while writing this😤)
Divider by @cafekitsune
Rules and detailes☆°•~
#°•☆—Nep's word prompts🖇#nep's inbox🪐#f1#formula one#formula 1#carlos sainz#charles leclerc#carlos sainz jr#charlos#formula one rpf#f1 rpf#formula one fanfiction#f1 fic#f1 fanfic
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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although i think it's important to acknowledge the complexities of aro & ace identities, & to be welcoming of aroace identities that may be sex/romance favourable/hypersexual & seek those relationships, i think it's still important to acknowledge that completely romance/sex repulsed aroaces are still a minority in the ace community despite being the stereotype. & we should still listen to those voices,
#i don't have like. Aro Ace Spectrum Demographics but i definitely notice the grand majority of users i (Personally) see are acespec#but a very Few amount of people are the stereotypical romance-repulsed sex-repulsed aroace#& although it's a good thing that those on other parts of the spectrum are recognising their identity & learning more abt themselves#we should still recognise that's a majority in the ace community & should still strive to make apothi aroace ppl feel welcome in spaces#maybe it's just been my experience with the h4zbin h0tel fandom (censoring bcs i don't want drama) but#i Definitely see a lotta people taking apothi aroace ppl expressing discomfort w/ al4stor being shown in ship art (by allos)#& turning it into “you guys know there are OTHER ace identities right 🙄🙄” or “that's just how the internet is !”#which yes i think almost all of us are Well aware of other ace identities. espec if we're active in ace communities#& no the internet doesn't Have to be that way. just like how the internet is a whole lot less homophobic than how it used to be#instead of actually ??? listening to our points ? a lot of people only seem to listen to us when we absolutely hamfist the whole “it's ok to#be x y or z too!“ into every single message#just so people don't immediately antagonise us for raining on their fictional ship or sumn#this make sense ?#aromantic#asexual#aroace#sex repulsed#romance repulsed#lgbtqia#idk if this comes off as whiney since it's from said apothi aroace individual. “listen to me NOW !!!” but uhhm if so ? idgaf whatever
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GUYS.
New dupe real! Also new pod????? Olivia is that you girlie speak to me
#rat rambles#oxygen not included#screenshots are from the steam page#there is ofc a Lot to unpack here gameplay wise and Im guessing some things will be tweaked design wise but Im lore pilled so.#anyways Im not sure how I feel abt this dupe's design but I will still welcome them with open arms hello#but more important here to me is the pod#because erm. thats a very very different looking pod.#I dont wanna jump to any conclusions or speculate too hard because chances are its just olivia getting new drip#but like. what if its not. what if this is like a new new printing pod#I assume that if it is a new pod then olivia will like be able to connect with it somehow but idk#because it rly depends on how ambitious theyd wanna be with this dlc given that to rly make a new pod thats super not olivia theyd have to#do a lot of work to make that change prevelant in the rest of the gameplay#now chances are if it is a new pod its one that doesn't have a human consciousness inside it#even if it was there rly arent many options for who it could be and no good options from a narrative standpoint#now this pod looks quite gutted so maybe it is just a normal printing pod that got kicked back online when olivia sent some guys to kick it#now heres the most negative thing Ill say abt these screenshots. the fox critters are rly ugly imo#I like the bunny guys tho WAUTWIATSWAUT WAIT#ARE THEY THE SAME SPECIES AS THE ANCIENT SPECIMEN SKELETON?#I dont think they line uo perfectly if I remember correctly but the big one has the same tusks and is also yknow big and fat like the#specimen is described to be in tbe story trait logs#Im willing to bet so much that theyre at least related in some way#maybe the one that was initially sent back in time was used as a basis for these guys or smth#my main reason for saying this is that I have to imagine these guys have to have some other purpose than being data storage#its seems that you can shave their coats which is probably the main thing but I imagine they probably drop a good amount of meat too#also important to note that they are grazers which is good to know#also I think the upside down plant is going to be this planet's muckroot equivalent#oh and for the fox deer I assume theyll be farmed for their antlers which will probably shed wood or smth#not a clue what the new plants will do but idrc#Ill care abt the gameplay after I get my new lore <3
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and then an overwhelming sense of dread apear.
#finished my last exam for this year YAY YIPPEE YAHOO ETC. but also now we wait for if i pass or not DREAD FEAR WARINESS ETC.#which i rlly don't think i will like. did not feel good abt the 1st exam period felt worse abt the 2nd and this one is like.....idk idk...#pretty confident abt the books part of the exam bc i KNOW i got everything on that correct but the thing is it was an oral exam and i was#stumbling over my words so bad + my voice was quivering i could hear it. hoping they don't count that as minus points but for the speech#thing i also had to do 2day they DO include how your voice sounds when you speak and like stammering and such in the final point count so#like. what if it's the same there.....ALSO they include use of gesturing to emphasize what you're saying and CORRECT EYE CONTACT in the#final point count. which. i don't have a problem with gesturing & i had a piece of paper in my hands so at least i wasn't too bad on that#front but when it comes to eye contact it's only flitting eyes or unnerving stare with me and nothing in between so i'm completely fucked i#that regard.#r.txt#WHATEVER it's done now. stupid ass weird rules WHO CARES if i don't have correct usage of eye contact what even is correct usage of eye#contact?????? like HOW am i supposed to know what the quote correct amount unquote is man. ALSO WHO GIVE A SHIT.#anyway going 2 luxembourg with my family for two weeks on august 5th probably. maybe sooner maybe later. we're going hiking + camping ⛺🌲👣#but the hiking is mostly done without backpacks and the camping is gonna be in campings. camping places. however english calls it.#which is a little less fun but also easier. but also less fun. but ANYWAY we're going on vacation and my final exam is done so no more#stress 💪🥳🙏🗣💥‼ (<- guy who's SO gonna be still having stress until the results come in. and then some afterwards. yay 4 me 🙂👍)
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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OMG you like moral orel?? who is your favorite character :]c *Blinking and fluttering my eyelashes beautifully*
i watched the whole thing in a few days, ended yesterday. My faves are nurse bendy and joe (together and as a unit), stephanie (individually and then as a unit with the reverend but i dont like him individually), + danielle, of course
#idk how to feel about it in general i know there was more planned but it got cancelled but it still ended too suddenly ykwim#i liked what we saw at the end with orel finding family elsewhere (before he grows up)#i like orel himself outside of the wacky edgy adult themes of it all as a Kid who is Good#when i was watching that last episode i got a bizarre kind of emotional bc when he first poses the Big Question i Knew#that the answer was that the only good thing abt his father was that he had a hand in making him#i get so sad with stories involving children like dis 😭#i feel like even if it was fully complete the show had more potential ykwim....i know the Tonal Shift makes the impact more...impactful#but i feel it cldve been handled differently or in different amounts. idk!#skunk mail#pawzcore#i also get its bc the eps are short but nature 1 and 2 didnt impact me the way it did others#like. idk. i knew beforehand it was the serious moment(s)/episode(s) but it wasnt presented in a way that#actually shifted My mood when watching it...clay's nonchalance from the eyes of me as a viewer#just comes off as humorous rather than serious ykwim? not that its funny but it doesnt feel high stakes at all#the whole thing didnt feel high stakes or serious unless u remove it from the context of the show youve been watching#for 2 seasons#its fucked up when you see it on paper but then in the show its different....if that makes sense
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(credits to ssruis)
This song is the only thing keeping me going I do not play about mr showtime 😞 nothing ruined me (made my life better) the way this song did
(Sendn. Me songs to do this with in my ask box… sniffle…)
#circuses? heh.. yeah.. im familiar… jesters? oh#even better…. rellakinoko? now hold on this is already gonna be good… tsukasa tenma? im sold. the fish has been captured. im followinf the#sirens into the deepest parts of the sea and wont be coming back. Unfortunately i had gotten t1k (t571) on ensekai for phoenix and am still#bitter about it. Emu and nene came home but the ugly blonde didnt. This is why we’re having problems tsukasa#i have a mr showtime themed custom profile that needs to be finished aand i gotta work on my one for#tsukasa4#ill be more prepared for that one im certain of it#knocking on wood#PRAYING.#t500 would have been nice you know… unfortunately i ran out of resources.#i think the amount of time and love ive poured into making everything abt this event makes up for this though. Also this is gonna sound#obnoxious but i feel like one of the five people who actually. You know. Get the event. Like its importance which ill elaborate on in a#future post. Everybody wants to talk about this event but nobody wants to read the story#and the side stories Guysss ur missing out its so good when youre not forcing urself to think tsukasa has an ed and dont even know a single#thing abt acting yet believe one google search can prove that method acting is Absolutely Totally Going To Ruin His Life#i dont think fasting was alright it was pretty stupid but what he did doesnt make him have an ed or this or that#I do think you should be very. Very careful with method acting by the way. That can mess you up. But i dont think thats where theyll be#taking tsukasa in the future. Yes itd be nice to show the risks and get a You know be careful but its not as dark and This is gonna ruin hi#😞😨My poor baby!! As people think#omg i got sidetracked LET ME TALK ABT THE BINGO???1?1? Easily distracted ass#Uhm. Where do i begin. Nvm i dont wanna write too much more but this song truly does mean the world to me#And rella’s art is so goood my eyes are always glued to it. For some reason i keep having trouble fcing the expert chart for it on ensekai#ut was just fine on jpsekai. Frowny face. I could listen to the song all day though#Those instrumentals are popping offff i tell you#hidden circus#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#wansho#commissioned song#prsk
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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope#I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little#and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i think i'm going to go. Actually insane
my brother's gf's parents just put in an offer on a house for them today and it was accepted! and anyone who is not deeply mentally ill and traumatized and disabled and stuck living with their shitty fucking parents in their shitty fucking moldy decrepit hoarder's house would be happy for them! and i'm Soooooooo not! i fear i need to be kept 1,000 feet away from their happy celebratory housewarming shit bc it makes me want to kill everyone and then myself! like my mom texted me that they got the house and i immediately just started having a mental fucking breakdown and laughing and crying hysterically!!!!!!!!
like wow that's awesome!!!!! that's so awesome that you have rich parents who can just. randomly decide to buy you a house!!!!! that's so cool and good for you!!!! it would be so cool if my parents even had a decent house that isn't full of mold and bugs and mice and probably asbestos and has no usable dining or living room because they're piled with random fucking shit!!!! it would be so cool if some evil rotting smell didn't waft through the vents regularly!!!! it would be so cool if they were functional and capable of cleaning!!!!! it would be so cool if they were able or willing to help me live literally anywhere else, or GOD forbid realize that maybe living here isn't good for me!!!! that would be SO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it's So cool that your parents bought you a 3 bedroom house on a whim 👍 it's so cool that my brother gets to live there without having to go through any of the barriers that come with buying a house. it's so cool that people are just able to make money and live in safe and comfortable places and both of those things feel entirely impossible for me to the point where i truly just feel like i'm not meant to be happy or even just safe and sane. it's so cool that people just magically get their basic needs met and i'm just over here like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i'll never have that! that's awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
#i know that like. they are in The Most privileged situation Ever and that i also have a Great amount of privilege to just be able to have#a roof over my head and food to eat and a fucking Car#like i hate coming across like i have No privilege and i'm The Most oppressed person to ever exist#it just. Really sucks to see other people just Magically get their needs met when i am fighting So fucking hard#and it just feels like it's Never going to happen and i'm just going to nerf myself before i get to access safe and sane housing#i think i do truly need to set a boundary about not being involved w any of this for the time being. which is going to be a whole Thing#bc my mom will be like Why??? Why can't you just be happy for them??? if you were a Good Sibling you would celebrate#and i can't really just be like Well actually living here makes me want to nerf myself every day and hearing abt them getting#this house makes me want to nerf myself x1000 and also take you with me 👍 Hope this helps!#Whatever ig i just need to be extra careful w myself. and my therapist is out of the office this week :)))))))))))))#That's Awesome!!!!!#no shade to jaxson u do u boo. i just require your support and services#ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if anyone can relate hmu bc i feel like i'm Actually insane#ventnote
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i feel a feeling that is genuinely intolerable and go "okay what do i do with this"
therapist brain says "feel ur feelings, its unhealthy to suppress all the time." rational brain says, "hi if we sit with this emotion then we are going to either be bleeding or dead in approximately ten minutes. so whats another option." therapist brain goes "wellll i guess in that case maybe u can distract urself idk, that can be a coping strategy sometimes." rational brain glances at emotion, shakes its head and shoots back "yeahhhh no can do there bud. this one's a real whopper and distractions ain't gonna cut it this time."
both sections of the brain shrug at each other and then The Disorder brain raises its hand smugly and simpers out "hiiii remember me? yeah this is the reason i exist teehee :) give me five minutes and I'll have an amnesia wall erected and another part of the brain shoved into the forefront and then we'll be right as rain! and this emotion can go rot in the locked cabinet of horrors until another part accidentally stumbles upon it again in the future or until the lock breaks. :)"
#girl help I've just been drawing and then BOOM. unbearable feelings drowning me !!!! drownding !!! i am drowndinging !!!#i dont wanna do this anymoreeeee im so tired of this#i go ''wow this sure is intolerable! how have i ever dealt w this!'' and then the DID does its thing some more👍#''gee that sounds so helpful!'' my body is in shambles from the overwhelming amounts of undealt with trauma :]#there are many other downsides but . i ain't getting into all that dhfjdldl#im just . grrrrr. maybe its bc i was drawing another part of the brain but c'mon 😭 i was drawing them HAPPY !! playing!! having fun!!#trying to make smth nice for us !!!! god damn this is so ridiculous#i want to go to bed fjfkdl im so tired and frustrated w everything man im trying so hard and it all seems to go towards nothing#im just not doing well idk also this counselor i have has been so flaky and its making me feel so ... eeurgghh#i understand they dont think im a suicide risk so im low on the priority list but I'd like to just... be a priority for somebody just once#boohoo poor me etc etc. other ppl need the help more than i do i know. im just. tired.#there isnt rly a lot anybody can do anyways to help i guess#still makes me insane thinking abt how the social worker had nothing for me except ''well ... u could go to the homeless shelter''#im just... theres so many fucked up things abt that. sigh. oh well oh well oh well.#just keep making my shitty art and trudging thru the days and finding good things in a day when i can scrape em together !!!!#argh. sigh. I'll go figure out some food to eat tonight.#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention#self harm mention
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im not really a homestuck fan anymore nor do i ever have the patience or time to reread it properly but. i will still fight tooth and nail for the fact that there's still a lot of value to that comic
#text#it lands solidly in 'good' category to me it does a lot of things i like but a lot i can't stand#what it does well it does so so well and tho it's very obviously a thing that started in 2009 by someone from newgrounds#and by the end you can tell everyone was tired of it going including the author#and then the fucking. shitty ass followups that seem to actively mock and loathe the fact that theyre homestuck followups#i think the meat and potatoes of the comic itself can be incredibly good more often than it's bad#its Long As Fuck but you know every facet of the significant characters. you grow and bond with them so much#absurdly long stretches of nearly pure dialogue back and forth between characters on a page#and then the next page with even more dialogue back and forth them just talking going on rambles and making jokes#but its so natural and most of the main cast feel super real like these are just some kids having a conversation on skype or smth#also it's still one of the funniest things i've ever read no cap. some of the jokes still stay in my mind forever#its not at all for everyone. not whatsoever. its 85% dependent on you liking these characters enough to see more of them#and just wanting to spend time with these little losers and their dumb overly complicated game#but i did like them! i think abt these characters a lot in my random life still despite not interacting significantly with it in years#and i feel like people are kinda a bit too mean abt it nowadays. acting like it was all a waste of time and there wasn't anything good#when no i still like a good amount of it up until beginning-middle of act 6 onwards when it just gets too confusing to keep up with#i still suggest reading it if you have time. can look past a lot of the early acts saying slurs and such. and have interest in it#at least try to get to act 5 if not beginning of 6 and then go thru 6 until u can't stomach anymore of it or if u reach the end#bc yeah act 6 being a nightmare confusion world is a lot of why i think ppl think it sucks#plus the first acts being a bit. 2009 newgrounds core#but even in those acts there's still some good stuff i wish ppl didn't shrug the whole thing off#Just give it a try see if its for u or not#it was one of the biggest Things on the internet for a while for a good reason#and i think it's a shame that it's mainly just considered. something shameful to like and stupid and has no inherent value to it#when there really is still a lot to like#give it a whirl see how you feel#i'm still never personally touching it again bc of. Generally who i was when i was hyperfixated on it#so. lmao
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jess i love that you have a cute lil gay outfit on. my fave aesthetic is "i need everyone to know i'm gay" and i think you're crushing it. 12/10 i would love to see your cow earrings 🥺
well this is the micro cow necklace i wear every day that i was talking about (which monse got me hehe) <3 but i will tack on my cow earrings for u too
#look. a tiny bit of my thumb in there#that's pretty close to a face reveal isnt it#jules#pigeon#i also have some fucking ADORABLE cow earrings meghna sent me but i broke the back of one !!! so i need to glue it back together#one thing abt me is i know how to dress#i know i dont seem the type but i swear my fashion sense is good dfghjh i always look gay#i always like when people ask me abt my sexuality bc it's never 'are you ____' but 'you're gay right?'#the amount of times ive been asked 'you're gay right?' after one conversation bc i just Look Gay.#i dont think ive ever met anyone who thought i was straight???#and that's thanks to the fruity ass way i look <3#i love loud clothes / jewelry so fucking much it's stupid. you'll never catch a bitch slacking. i always look good#i love cow merch sigh i want a cow dress sO MUCH but i can never find one that fits right. maybe one day. im always on the lookout
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u know an episode is good when u have to pause it in the middle to cry
#MASH s06e03 fallen idol. yeah#ok I understand why everyone loves alan alda episodes now#hawkeye finally breaks under the pressure and it’s bc he cares abt radar and feels guilty for indirectly getting him hurt????#and when he breaks he lashes out and hurts radar???? the very person he felt guilty abt hurting in the first place?????#and then everyone yells at him abt it?????? hawkeye’s terrible horrible no good very bad day fr#oughhh the way he insists he’s the one to operate on radar. him telling bj his hands were shaking.#throughout everyone yelling at him u can tell he like. agrees with them. he does not need to be told that he fucked up. he knows.#and he feels awful abt it!! can u imagine the absolutely unbearable amount of guilt.........#ough and this episode is so complex too. I like how... ppl get hurt but no one is framed as a bad person for causing that hurt.#ofc the episode is sympathetic to hawkeye so that part’s obvious but also. everyone who yells at hawkeye. they weren’t wrong for that!!#they weren't wrong to be angry. they weren't wrong to scold him!!#but it all still adds up to rly hurt hawkeye. even though the ppl involved didn't individually do anything wrong.#hdjkhflkj this isn't rly analysis I'm just pointing out vry surface level things abt the episode. I'm sorry I just rly like this episode ok#narcissus's echoes#the horrors of war show abt the horrors of war
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