#I love them so dearly. They're so complicated; so sweet.

[bamsara]

trod au ramble u can ignore

when i say slowburn in an enemies to friends to lovers for Trod I mean slowburn. 300k before Narinder even openly admits he cares for the Lamb, and Lamb actually opens up more than just a shield of positivity and another 100k of character growth, drama, complicated intricacies of grief and anger to communication. The Lamb has boundaries and sticks by them constantly in trod, they're not a pushover, but they don't blow up and react in explosive anger the same way that Narinder does and they are mistaken for soft by him for it, when it's him having to be the one who is constantly re-evaluating his priorities and his behavior because the lamb isn't taking shit from him, despite patience and love, and he's put in this position where he's allowing the grief and the hurt to keep hurting himself and the Lamb in the process, until he risks losing them and Narinder makes the active decision to work on himself. They HAD a healthy, wonderful friendship before, he cared for them. He still does. He wishes he didn't but god he still does.

but i dislike when characters do one change or have one realization and suddenly they're super nice. no I want them to be continuously complex. I want their bad habits and miscommunication to not instantly or quickly disappear, I want continuous effort from the wronger. do you hear me. CONTINUOUS EFFORT. that means a character fucking up again and again and relasping and changing and cursing and being like well he doesn't need to be any different because its not his fault then going back and being like. no. it was my fault. i am wronged and I am the wronger. i need complexities. Let us not forget the definition of 'enemy' in the enemies to friends to lovers here. if they start off soft then where is the growth. Where is the room for growth I want. Where is it.

they get to the processing of emotions they haven't allowed themselves to feel properly for centuries to take this friendship gone sour by betrayal, plagued by anger and hurt to something slowly blooming back into trust and care and soft until eventually its this healthy love of these uberly overpowered pair of gods

Trod bad end is when Narinder just speed runs the 'rehabilitation' part of the rehabilitation of death' and it circles back to him going feral in the head. Still an asshole? okay your lamb is gone. regret your pride and ego because the patient love you were afforded is gone forever and the last memory you gave them was not the love you could have given them but it will be the love that destroys mortality to get them back.

amnesia au Narinder is just happy to be here. no betrayal, no angst. eventually when his memory does return and he gets caught pretending he doesn't remember just so he can be sweet to them without his pride in the way will force a conversation that will essentially fix the horrific communication these two have. speedrun trod x2

Current Trod Narinder is a emo angsty bastard who's rightfully hurt at being imprisoned and (in his heart) betrayed by someone he trusted dearly (again) while Post-Trod Narinder is still a feral bastard but with truly un-constipated, true equal love for the Lamb that wears a wedding ring made of his own blood to the tune of 'i miss my wife tails' and got a praise kink

but if its not absolute hell getting to that point then WHAT IS THE POINT

and all these are mostly about Narinder but don't even get me started on the Lamb's issues. That sheep thang is hiding shit.

Except I can't talk about the Lamb's hiding issues Too Much yet unless you've been in my art streams and have seen some of my comics, then IYKYK but aaaaaaaaaaUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHG

[allykakamatsu]

KH X GI Relationship Squares

(There's more ships than these, these are just the ones I can make square charts out of)

Neuvillette -> Wriothesley: A very reliable friend who he's more than happy to go to for advice.

Wriothesley -> Neuvillette: Not so secretly down horrendous. Will never confess first though so he just hopes Neuvi notices his flirting.

Neuvillette -> Arlecchino: Still a bit wary of her, especially since he figured out she threatened Furina, but once those two worked things out he mostly got past it and the two are friends.

Arlecchino -> Neuvillette: Wonders how he put up with Furina's act for so long, but highly respects his dedication.

Arlecchino -> Furina: Couldn't stand her at first, but after learning of her sacrifices she began respecting her and now they're on okay terms.

Furina -> Arlecchino: Terrified of her a lot of the time but also wondering how the hell she's so hot. Glad they're somewhat friends now so she can crush without feeling like an idiot.

Furina -> Neuvillette: A bit awkward around him at the moment due to wanting to avoid all aspects of her time as an Archon, but still cares about him deeply.

Neuvillette -> Furina: Always cared despite his annoyances, but now he knows the truth he just wants to do whatever he can to make her happy.

Wriothesley -> Arlecchino: Doesn't like Fatui in general but he can't deny how much she helped Fontaine.

Arlecchino -> Wriothesley: Impressed by the work he did to Meropide, but after hearing how he tormented with Lyney just for fun to the point it activated his darkness she's been resisting the urge to go down there and slap him.

Wriothesley -> Furina: Doesn’t know her too well but thinks she’s nice from the little he’s seen

Furina -> Wriothesley: Doesn’t know him that well but Neuvillette talks about him fondly and that’s enough for him to get her seal of approval

(More under cut)

(Also probably a bad post to have this on but please support me on ko-fi here )

(Context, Ei get's exiled for a bit after the Archon quest and when she's allowed back she and Ayato are almost dragged into an arranged political marriage to keep things stable, so the gang, led by Miko and Thoma, have to stop the wedding. They do, but Miko repurpose's it into a wedding for her and Ei.)

Ei -> Ayato: Overall thinks he's pleasant and dependable, but their relationship is strictly professional.

Ayato -> Ei: Glad she's finally ending the Decree's holding Inazuma back, but sweet Celestia never make them almost get married again-

Ei -> Miko: Never stopped loving her but prior to them getting remarried thought that Miko hated her.

Miko -> Ei: Missed her dearly for those 500 ish years but would rather die than admit it, the wedding ended up being the push she needed to finally admit she loved her.

Miko -> Thoma: Not as fun to tease as Gorou but still fun, has more respect for him now.

Thoma -> Miko: Still a bit afraid of her but nowhere near as much.

Thoma -> Ayato: Loves but is worried about how the nobles would react to them being together, main reason their relationship was a secret to the point the arranged marriage almost happened.

Ayato -> Thoma: Loves him to the ends of the earth, only kept the relationship secret due to Thoma's worries, but once he gatecrashed the wedding Ayato had no problem finally proclaiming his love.

Ayato -> Miko: Worried she's a bad influence on Ayaka but outside of that genuinely enjoys her company.

Miko -> Ayato: Known him since he was little, glad there's someone in Inazuma who can keep up with her.

Ei -> Thoma: Barely knows he exists but is happy for him and Ayato.

Thoma -> Ei: Has complicated feelings about and does his best to just stay out of her way to not make things awkward.

Lumine -> Xiao: Fell hard the second she met him, but the more she learned about him the more she wanted to get close to and help him

Xiao -> Lumine: Wasn't sure what to think at first, but between her kicking Osail's ass and their somewhat date at the Lantern Rite he fell hard.

Xiao -> Venti: Has had feelings for him ever since Venti saved him, but hesitant to pursue them due to self esteem issues.

Venti -> Xiao: Pretty down bad but more so just wants him to love himself

Venti -> Lyney: Pretty good friend.

Lyney -> Venti: Bit awkward around because well, Fatui and Archon, but still enjoys spending time with him.

Lyney -> Lumine: Was initially just planning on charming her so she could help save Fontaine, but he became down bad and started flirting for real REALLY quick.

Lumine -> Lyney: Always attracted to him but it wasn’t until Lyney’s quest plus Meropide that she truly realised she was down bad.

Lumine -> Venti: Cares about him a lot but wishes they’d be more honest about his feelings.

Venti -> Lumine: You know those best friends turned couples that still act like besties, yeah that’s them.

Xiao -> Lyney: At first only staying close so he didn’t try anything funny with Lumine, but after a while the magicians charm worked on him as well.

Lyney -> Xiao: Was mostly just teasing his new pretty friend at first, but once he realised Xiao was crushing he went ‘okay this sounds fun let’s do it’

[instarsandcrime]

Worried Sick

So gonna start with some honesty here. This might be the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. My theater gay ass couldn't keep away from an interpretation of a subplot from G//uys//and//Do//lls//. The idea of someone getting so worried over a Big Thing(tm) that they end up with a psychosomatic cold until the problem is resolved got me. Also Ade/laide's La/me/nt was the first thing that awoke the kink in me, so there's some BIG inspiration taken from that song and scene overall.

SO. I decided 'hey, why not' and now Lu/ci/fer gets to suffer because he definitely was not a mess when Li/lith was pregnant. Featuring a few of @glitterrosesnzz headcanons because his ideas are chaotic and I love that dearly.

Enjoy! ❤️

---

It was six months into Lilith’s pregnancy that Lucifer stopped fussing and fretting over her. Instead, to her lack of surprise, her husband had decided to spoil her rotten. And although he was increasingly sweet– and she didn’t mind a bit of pampering now and again– old habits died hard. Centuries of serving Lilith in Eden had led to the occasional reminder that yes, she was safe. And yes, her fallen guardian angel needed to step away from his duties once in a while.

Sadly, this routine was not limited to using the stairs.

"Lucifer, I'm fine."

"But Lilith–!"

"They're just sore ankles, my love. Nothing to worry yourself over." The queen giggled as she pried her husband’s grip from her waist, kissing the backs of his hands affectionately along the way.

"Okay. Gotcha. Stairs good. Ankles bad but also good. Say no more." Lucifer pulled back, wringing them as they walked. Desperately trying to keep boundaries without bursting into flames. "It's just. I mean. If you trip and fall you could get hurt. And if you get hurt the baby will get hurt! A-and if that happens– snff!"

"Then it's a good thing I won't." She added, gesturing to the bottom step beneath them.

"Oh." The obsessive rambling cut itself at the stem, an embarrassed flush blooming on his face. "I, um. I see that we've made it."

"So we have." Lilith said with a fond look. She continued her journey down the hallway with her head held high– caretaker skittering to the front and walking backwards as they went.

"Lily dear, if I could just mention one more thing?"

"It’s alright, Lucifer. Speak your mind."

"Much as I hate to say it, you've been working for hours, and bending all day might hurt your back! Ugh.” He shuddered for extra emphasis, “You should be resting, not signing documents for some stuffy Goetia noble."

"And if I were confined to writing in bed, wouldn't I still be upright?" Lilith pondered aloud.

“Well–”

“And those downy pillows can only do so much.”

"Well– well yes, but! But, I…ah, shit. I did it again, didn’t I?" Lucifer mourned. Entering the queen’s large, lavish office, the demon rushed to pull out a seat for her. “Fine, fine. You win. I trust you.”

“Good boy.” Lilith purred as she graciously accepted, leaning back to peck him on the cheek. Watching with deep affection as the great demon king all but melted into a lovestruck puddle. "You know, I have a question of my own."

"Yes, my beloved?" Lucifer’s voice sung like windchimes, still stuck in his reverie.

"How are you feeling?"

"In perfect condition, Your Highness. With just a snap of the ol’ fingers, anything in the universe will be yours. You just name it!" He smirked, adding a quick little bow for good measure.

"Ah, no. What I mean is," Lilith’s gaze softened, "are you feeling anxious about the baby?"

The air around the king of Hell froze just short of ten degrees.

"I...w-well...oh, geez. That's a-ahh...a cohh! Complicated question, isn't it?" Lucifer laughed nervously between light, hiccuping breaths.

"A simple yes or no would suffice."

"Nnnnooo..." He drawled, scratching lightly at his arm.

"...Oh. Alright." His wife answered simply, turning to her paperwork.

"Alright?" 

"If you say you are well, I will trust your judgement." Lilith picked up her pen, tip hovering just above the parchment as she peeked a glance from behind. "Although, I was wondering. Have you thought of a name for our little girl yet?”

"I! Well! Um!" He discreetly swiped at his nose, "You're certainly coming up with...w-with– Ahem! With those hard-h-hih! …hhhhitting questions today, aren’t you?"

"Then what would you propose we do for her new crib? Any toys in mind?" The queen asked, very much aware of the other losing struggle that was worsening by the second.

"You always like t-to...to think...ahehhh...aheadD'SHH'hhiu! T'shhhiew! Etch'SHIEW!" Ribbons of fire poured from between Lucifer’s fangs, and he slapped a hand over his mouth to tamper it.

"Goodness, bless you!" Lilith went to stand, but Lucifer quickly waved open a portal before she could stop him.

"Gotta go for a– kaff! a sec!" He croaked between smoking coughs, "Be back soon, I promise! Don't-- kaff kaff! Don't get up, just stay off your feet!"

And with one last flickering outburst of a sneeze, the portal closed behind him.

Alone and left to her own devices, the queen only shrugged and pushed herself upright. Well. Better late than never to confront this, she supposed.

The bathroom door slammed in a hurry and, disaster temporarily abated, Lucifer slumped against it. With a hoarse sigh he shed his illusion like snakeskin, checking the mirror for what lay underneath. Puffy eyes with dull yellow pupils and sickly red sclera. Beads of sweat rolling with every wave of nausea. Scarlet cherub cheeks shifted to gold, glowing with a feverish holy blush. Groaning over a sudden realization, the fallen angel pulled back his collar to observe tiny stars that peppered the ends of his shoulder blades to the tips of his pointed ears. Ugh, and he thought he got rid of those pox-like symptoms when his form changed. He peered under his gloves and uh-huh. Yyyep! This sucks.

Stopping to scratch his cheek, he threw open the medicine cabinet and snapped his fingers. In an instant the shelves and edges of the tub were lined with vintage bottles and beakers, assorted in colorful rows. Mortar and pestles collected in the sink, covered in all different types of thick, herbal powders. Wadded tissues overflowed a once-empty wastebin, and Lucifer quickly snatched one from a nearby box to blow, wincing at the touch of his raw nose.

"Ughh. Okay, where did I leave off?" Another flick of the wrist and piles of stacked books littered the floor, each one marked with all sorts of angelic and demonic symbols. Sitting on the counter he began to read, cotton cloth pressed to his face. "Six months of this. Unbelievable."

He read aloud half-heartedly with another soft sniffle, "Angelic flu. Patient may experience bouts of nausea that make me want to die a second time, the sudden urge to cough up a fucking lung, a rash made of stardust because of course I still get that down here, an itchy nose that won’t quihh…hihhhh...! Hih-hih-hhhit'SCHHH! It'SHIEW! HIT'SHH’HHIEW!" He fumbled to catch his book before it could hit the ground, breathing a sigh of relief. "Whew! Don’t talk about the fourth thing. Got it."

Tugged along to the instructions he opened his other palm, producing an ornate teacup that graciously fell into an equally fanciful saucer. Amber apothecary vials lifted themselves, pouring small helpings of this and that as he continued. "An easy remedy to cure the chronic organic symptoms of," his voice soured, "a feeling of insecurity and frustration caused by withheld duties-- oh, for Heaven’s sake!"

He threw the book to the ground with a loud clatter. No matter how many fancy words are written, no matter how many diagrams are shown, no matter how long he’s waited and waited around for this wonderfully delicate life to come into this world–

“ET’SCHH’HHIU! Snff! Ugh…”

He's seen the same damn result every time! It's– it’s just a small case of the sniffles. That’s all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Lucifer?" A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Is everything alright? I heard something fall."

Shit!

"Just a mo-ment!" Lucifer winced at the way his voice cracked, threatening to break down in a coughing fit. Biting the bullet he downed the tea in one gulp, waving away the medical concoctions and used tissues to another existence. "I, uh– um– spilled a drihhh-drink!"

His breath suddenly hitched and he fought the urge to drag a hand down his face, silently swearing when the remedy somehow made things worse. Every inhale burned with a strong tickle, and he pinched his nose and sniffed hard in a desperate attempt to settle it.

"You spilled a drink in the bathroom?" Lilith asked, voice tinged with quiet amazement.

Lucifer cringed as he finished the magic touches on his starry spots, "...Yes?"

The door clicked, and his guest stepped through the threshold with the sweep of her wrap dress. She circled every nook and cranny, taking in its shimmering appearance. Her gaze moved to her husband– put together and pristinely dressed, boasting a huge grin. In short, everything around her was absolute perfection.

How unnerving.

"I suppose you will be joining me in my office?"

"Your-- oh!" Lucifer nodded stiffly,  "Of course, of course! I just need more ti...t-tihhh...time– Ahem! Oh dear, 'scuse me. Had a little bit of a t-tickle there."

"I would love to invite you back," Lilith’s brow furrowed, "but it might do you well to take your own advice and get some rest."

"Hm? Did I do some...s-somethihhh...hih! S-something I shouldn’t have?" He swallowed, fighting the urge to close his fluttering eyelashes.

"No– at least, not until today. I hate to do this darling," His wife crouched, holding a handkerchief of her own, "but you missed a spot."

Before he could think Lilith wiped at the angry flush that brightened the bridge of his nose like it were a smudge of dirt, and the reaction was immediate. Lucifer gasped, eyes lined with irritated tears. "W-wait! Let's talk abouhhh...a-about thihhh…!"

"Poor thing." Lilith sighed, moving to brush the rim of his nostrils. "It's so sensitive now, too."

And with that, she kissed the tip, helping her husband hold the cloth as he snapped at the waist.

"Het'shhh! 'Tchiew! 'Tsshhh! Hit'chh-tshh!-tshhh-het'shhh! Heh'TSHHH! H-hih...H-hih!...waihhht-- 'tshh-tch! slow dowhh- down-- Hih'kschh! please-- Het'Schhh!" He begged to himself, sadly to no avail. His illusions went down, and so did his strength. "Hih-hih-hit'SCHH'HIEW! HT'SCHHH-'Tsh!-'TSH! 'TSHHHIEW! Hehhh-Ht'CHT! HET’TCHHH'hiew-TSHHH'HIEW! H-hehh- c-cad't- Het'CHHHIEW! stoh-huh!...st-stohhp...HIT'SCHHH'HHIU! Hih-hih-Hih! Hhh...ghhh..."

A slender finger pressed just underneath his twitching nose, and all that was left of the uncontrollable fit was a shaky, tired breath. "Thadk you. Snff!"

He blinked his vision into working order, bashfully taking the handkerchief to let loose another blow. All the while gentle claws stroked loose, damp locks back into place.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Three-- kaff! Th-three days."

Lilith raised an eyebrow.

"One month?"

She crossed her arms. “Try again.”

"...Six months." He cleared his throat. "But that doesn't matter! I don't have any responsibilities at the moment, and you're taking the brunt of well-- everything! Your work, the pregnancy. You should be focusing on yourself, not worrying about me."

"What? No!" Lilith took a seat on the porcelain rim of the tub, scooping the fallen angel into her lap with a warm embrace. "No, no, don’t neglect yourself for my sake. You have every right to feel nervous too."

"Nervous?"

"Of course." She urged, "Nervous that you may be a bad father, perhaps?"

"Wh--" Lucifer huffed out a laugh, scratching at his neck. "Don't be absurd! I-I don't think about that! Nehhh...heh! Snff! Never."

"Oh?" Lilith tilted her head curiously, "So the rambling, fussing, and conveniently timed illness means nothing?"

"Nnnnope! Nuhh-snff! Nothin’." The demoness nearly jumped out of her skin as large pillars of books reappeared in a flash of holy light.

"I just stopped my search at angelic flu-- which was a bust, by the way.” Lucifer continued, picking up a book to smack the cover in frustration. “That eliminates most heavenly illnesses. I didn't check curses yet, but I've got a hunch it's some type of plague. Those are all the rage on Earth these days. Actually, when we start using the stroller, should our little girl be outside on walks when another case carries over? She could get sihh-hih!...s-sick just from br-brea- snff! breathing. Can you imagine–…imagine thahh...th-that?"

"Darling." She tilted his chin upwards with a teasing smile, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Be careful. Talking about the baby too much will send you into a fit."

"Pfft! What, me? Noooo! Sure, I just think about her once in a while and wor-- consider! Consider the fact that I might mess up. And when I consider the fact that I might mess up, I tend to...to sn...s-sneehh...! Heh!"

Lucifer pushed himself from her grip, pitching helplessly into slowly soaking fabric. "Het'chiu! Hih'tchhh'hiew! Hihhh...hih! HITCHIEW!" With every sneeze his demon horns grew until they cradled Lilith’s cheeks.

"I warned you, didn't I?" His beloved huffed, rubbing a hand on his back while his breaths began to calm.

"Ughhh…Sorry 'bout thahh-hah-h-hhhah! HAT’SHHHIEW! HET’KSHHHOO! Hhheh…hihhh-hih!…ohhh…" He moaned, punctuating his misery with a loud, gurgling blow.

"If it helps break this 'curse' in any way," Lilith scratched at the base her patient's horns, and his twisted expression finally relaxed, breathing a dreamy sigh. "I think you'll make a great father."

"Mmm? Why's that?" He slurred, leaning into the touch.

"Because our child isn't born yet, and you've already worried yourself sick over her." Wide eyes snapped open, and Lilith pursed her lips to bite back a laugh.

"Ugh, that pun was terrible. Even for me." Lucifer pouted dramatically, collapsing against her. 

“I love you too.”

[gctchell]

what is one thing that makes you happy about writing any of your muses?

One is definitely feeling the affection that my characters hold for other characters here. Every feeling, while found in love, is unique and is built on that specific connection. It can be so sweet and warm, or it can be so bittersweet.

Niffty's blooming romance with Sir Pentious ( @fearedelight ) has been so cute to feel. It's warm, it's fuzzy, and it's real. She hasn't felt real love like that in a long time and she keeps whispering to me how genuine it feels and how happy it makes her, and she doesn't know what to do with that. She wants him, and she's telling me she's going to stop all these "he's marriage material" comments now because she doesn't want anyone (not played characters, npcs) to see that he's available. She's falling in love and she's really happy about it.

Lilith's fussing over Chava / Pomni ( @heavenslie ), the youngest of the Morningstar children, is something else. She's a mother who encourages independence in her children, she'll hold their hands and help them to walk and fly, but she wants them to experience the sensation of walking on their own and building themselves and their life. Chava is a unique case; she was a birth after the "death" of Carmi ( also by @heavenslie ) and ages ago, Lilucia.

The "brutal death" of Carmi fueled by the sudden infant death of Lilu has made Lilith very protective over Chava (Lucifer even moreso). While she still wants her to have freedom and encourages her to have fun, she gets very frantic without constant feedback when she is out there in the world. Fate laughs as Chava is the most exploratory of the daughters - she bounces around and gets more distance, does more traveling, and throws herself into a plethora of different lifestyles and businesses. She pushes herself pretty hard trying to forge an identity. It worries her mother deeply, the way she lives.

Lilith loves Chava, and she knows she is being too sheltering with the need for communication when she sends Asmodeus & Beelzebub (the eldest amongst the Morningstar children in L, Peggy, Peach and me's worldbuilding) to find her when she's partying out of Pride and not calling/texting back, but she can't help it.

Feeling Lilith's grief over "losing" Chava because she put on a funny headset is something else. :') The feeling of failure and regret, and the desperate need to get her back. It's so pungent.

Sliding from that, the bittersweet emotion that Lilith has going on with Asmodeus ( @jizzlords ). This is one of her oldest and fondest of connections, they branch back to the start of Hell, or just nearly. There is such a deep fondness for this man in Lilith's chest, she loves him dearly, but being so damned busy with Hell (and eventually a child) during one of the most corrosive times of his life really hurt. They love each other, and they're mending the damage of time. The love has not died.

Then, there's the Eves. Not to keep on Lilith (she is my LOUDEST muse I'm sorry), but Lilith's complicated relationship with Eve ( @damnedrainbows & @edenpoise ) is so gutwrenching. :D Lilith did wrong by these women in such a massive way and she knows she has earned however they feel about her, and she is trying to make it right. Even in different slices of lifetimes, one where she is a prisoner to Eve ( @edenpoise ) and one where she is about to go toe-to-fucking-toe with Eve ( @damnedrainbows ) while also having a thread where an attempt at peace is being made is so.. oo. Lotta stuff to unpack and play with, there. Can't wait.

That's a thing that I love, too. It's something that I think a lot of people love. You can interact with five to ten versions of the same character, and the relationship is going to be unique. Each friendship and romance is going to be personalized. I love to do that a lot.

.. THEN THERE'S WHAT CARMILLA HAS GOING ON WITH ZESTIAL ( @arachnaemboss ) THAT IS DRIVING BOTH JACK AND ME UP THE GODDAMN WALL. Old world pining KKASFKSAFKSAFKFSDKFSKF- I love them. I do. It is just so hard to feel all this powerful love Carmilla has for that man and she is going nowhere with it outside of a REALLY INTENSE FRIENDSHIP THAT HAS YET TO BREAK THE LINE. :D SHE MAKES THE MAN RINGS AND JEWELRY FROM HOLY WEAPONRY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Okay.

Back to sanity.

It's really cool just to be able to feel the depth of care and/or feeling my muses have for other's characters. It's all different like I said, personalized. I love it and I am thankful to my roleplay partners for letting me write & build with them in these capacities. There's others I have not even touched here, others that I am very obsessed with, but I will just be writing into the sunset if I do that bc I can write for hours about my rp partners. I love every connection, every friendship, and every romance I am getting to write with others here and I am, again, so grateful for that.

Thank you for the question. :']

[queer-ragnelle]

would you mind sharing your thoughts on Arthur Rex? No pressure at all!

hi anon! i would love to!!

TL;DR author thomas berger had a lot of prejudice coming through in this book at random times which will undoubtedly make this unpalatable for some readers. completely valid reason to skip this one. but if you can get past that, the characterization is interesting! i'll indicate some of favorite aspects (with spoilers) below a cut.

right off the bat i think berger gets huge props for his balanced characterization almost across the board. aside from some of his super villains who love evil for the sake of evil (morgan le fay, sir melaegant, sir gromer, sir mordred) everyone has good & bad qualities that work in tandem to create an engaging story arc.

autism be damned by boy arthur can work a kingdom! lovable weirdo from page one. picky eater, sleeps with the windows open in winter, incapable of reading emotions, blind to social cues, infodumps to whomever will listen. which leads to the fascinating handling of his seduction at the hands of his sister morgause. here arthur is a 20yo virgin (nothing wrong with that, just older than he's usually depicted at this stage which i found unique). he's oblivious to morgause's wile e coyote attempts to kill him for her husband lot as arthur gives her a tour of the castle & talks non-stop about random stuff she doesn't care about. yet...she's wooed by his adorable naivety & they have consensual sex in ignorance of their relation. however, once arthur learns of this, he's so humiliated & disgusted with himself, that he refuses to set foot in that castle again, & after falling in love with guinevere & marrying her, he stays in her castle for her own familiarity & his comfort. he's then haunted for the rest of the book by that one night & it influences his decisions forever after, eventually costing him that strategical mind which made him a good king in the first place. i found that arthur's love for guinevere was very sweet if complicated. after his tercel kills her canary, he fills a room with countless new ones in golden cages, but she's not content. it really highlights arthur's fatal flaw, that he's high-effort, yet the encounter with morgause emotionally stunted him forever, & he lacks the emotional intelligence necessary to connect with his wife. i also like how arthur handled gawain's killing of pellinore. arthur beats gawain up (lol) & yells at him that his own father (uther) was a bad guy & all he can do himself is be a better man, & gawain should be trying to be better than lot, not worse. he forces him to shake hands with lamorak & they're friends after that. 10/10 no notes all my blorbos kiss & make up. infodumping to morgause:

this then brings me to gawain who i adore in this book. he has it all. he's a total slut right from his introduction when he's not immediately available to meet the king bc he's "jousting a maiden..." he loves his brothers dearly, he's (eventually) loyal to arthur, great friends with kay & lancelot, he goes through the green knight adventure, & then eventually meets & settles down with ragnelle which was so sweet i got cavities. he has a bunch of kids with her & gets to die in her arms at the end (weeping). the narrative is generous to gawain regarding his anger toward lancelot as well which i liked. by that i mean it indicates that if either of them knew guinevere was in danger besieged by mordred, they would have dropped their fight at once to help her, but they had no idea, so they fought to gawain's death. gawain's ghost then comes to arthur flanked by his polycule of angels who are glad to have his virile prowess in heaven (no lie that is the rationale it's awesome). overall i thought he was great, very few books manage to give him a satisfying arc & this did! wedding to ragnelle:

my boy kay gets to be his best self here. right from his childhood he was dissatisfied with his humble life in wales, so when the opportunity to be seneschal for arthur arises, he puts his whole pussy into it. lots of beautiful description of banquets he makes, the whole process of his management in the kitchen as well as surrounding fields, orchards, etc to make it all happen. he even baked & decorated gawain/ragnelle's fancy wedding cake it's adorable. when meleagant kidnaps guinevere, kay had been serving the women at the time & was overcome, so he heads out immediately after her & ends up in prison beside her, where they comfort one another through the bars (makes me a little insane, their friendship was so good). the relationship with beaumains is also well-developed here, & kay is skeptical of beaumains but not outright cruel to him, & eventually warms up to him as gareth is friendly & willing to work. optimal outcome! this kay isn't as great as cherith baldry's, but he's pretty damn good considering the horrors out there. fighting meleagant:

a complex/nuanced agravaine??? more likely than you think...i adore him. funny & brooding & jealous & kind of a dummy lol but what i find compelling is that some of his dislike for lancelot stems from the fact gawain was arthur's first knight & his recognition as such is eclipsed by lancelot in both the king's eyes but gawain's own as well. agravaine even expresses that he feels as if gawain loves lancelot more than him...ouch?? he's fiercely loyal to arthur & he's appointed as guinevere's personal guard for many years. this further explains his obsession with lancelot, as it's literally his job to keep her safe/protect her honor, & an affair threatens that. later, mordred is finally old enough to come to court, agravaine is the only unmarried brother so he gets to bunk with him, & he's so excited about it bc he's been lonely since the other 3 moved in with their wives (hello??? sob??). he's got a close loving relationship with arthur which is of utmost importance to me. in the end it's mordred who manipulates agravaine into cornering lancelot. but it almost doesn't work bc agravaine is so hopelessly in love that, on seeing lancelot in his night clothes, completely loses his train of thought & lancelot smoothly talks him out of it. flawless. uncle & nephew relationship:

overall this book is deeply flawed. berger makes endless asides to mention gender essentialism, race, sexuality. it's inexcusable. but he got the characterization of my faves so right & he's dead now so i'm not giving him any publicity or money by discussing the aspects i did like. overall i do think it's worth a read.

[hurrl]

@weirdo-canniboy I went to save as a draft, and I accidentally posted too early, so if you saw it, NO YOU DIDN'T!!

Anyways I have so much to say on these two it's not even funny. Worms in my brain. Heavy in my heart.

I went pretty hard with the headcannons, so if things are ooc just let me know 😌 it also gives a glimpse into what I think about Theo, so that's always fun!

28. What's a conversation they'd get overly invested in that nobody else would care about?

Okay so maybe not so much a *conversation* but an argument/debate that could last days on end would be on the topic of fate and soulmates. Kalani is still young, she belives in it wholeheartedly. There are so many little decisions a person can make in their day to day life, all of it comes together and introduces two people who wouldn't have met otherwise- that has to be fate, right! And soulmates, lives that had known eachother in the past doing everything they can to reunite again! It's sweet.

But Theo, being essentially immortal and who has lived through a few lifetimes himself, is a bit more jaded. And who can blame him? Especially considering all the things he had to go through! Would anyone call that fate? Being forced to a lonely life watching friends and family grow old and die while he remains perfectly preserved? That's his fate? Or the sheer fact that he was *created* to be an obedient servant, now with no master, he is forced to live his life questioning if he's truly living life the way he wants or if this is just the life he was *told* to live. If all of that is his fate, then it is a pretty rotten one. And soulmates? While there have been people he has loved dearly, he more than anyone else knows *they don't come back.* Maybe at one point he used to cling to the "in another lifetime" notion but it's been so long that he knows the truth. And that doesn't mean he isn't able to find love in other people, he is, but he's aware that they're *different*, and that's what makes them special. For example, if he was looking for Spencer in everyone he meets, he'd be miserable. I also figure Theo wouldn't like that idea of soulmates and fate because it sort of takes away his own autonomy, I can imagine his relationship with that would be complicated

I feel like they could have this discussion over and over again without it really going anywhere. It doesn't do either of them any good, just makes them upset. At the end of the day, Kalani has her beliefs, and Theo has his, and despite that, they love each other, and that's what matters! And any other person would think that this is such a silly thing to get hung up on! Who cares what brought you two together? You're together! But Kalani will still insist that she was destined to find Theo, and Theo will say he was glad that *he* met her and took the time to get to know her (fate's involvement means nothing, it was his choice to befriend her).

32. What's a book, movie or song one would recommend to the other?

When it comes to music, I know Kalani would like it of Theo enjoyed what she listens too, so I feel like she'd recommend him "Yes to Heaven" by Lana Del Rey, it's a love song, it's pretty, and she does have her eye on him 😌 It's something they could sit and listen to together.

Maybe "Picture You" By Chappell Roan, but it is a tad suggestive, that would kind of be the point, but she's so afraid that she'll scare him off 😭 that man has not been intimate with anyone in a few *decades*, they have to move slow.

I feel like Theo would be more inclined to recommend Kalani a movie over a song or a book, especially since it's something they can watch together. My head says 1989's "Always" because that's a slightly older *slightly* niche romance movie (it's about pilots 😭 the only thing I really remember is the main character making a grocery list in her sleep and I thought that was cute)

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

gert's random fusion aus: pushing daisies

sorry, i just realized i never explained what "pushing daisies" is, and while i'm not going to give the full run-down of every relevant detail--you will find this more compelling if you've seen it/are familiar with it--i'll give the basics real fast. ned is a piemaker who can bring back the dead with a single touch--and kill them again with another. the problem is, if they're alive again for more than a minute, someone else will die in their place. he found this out in the most traumatizing fucked up way possible btw. anyway, his best friend is PI emerson cod, with whom he investigates bizarre murders as, you know, they can interrogate the victim. albeit for one (1) minute only. and then ned brings back his childhood sweetheart/crush, inadvertently killing a corrupt graverobbing funeral director, and they fall in love again--with the caveat, of course, that they can never touch, because if he ever touches her again, she'll die. cue cute shit like kissing though plastic wrap and having clear walls on their bed (?) and that kind of thing. since she's still legally dead, she tries to help her aunts from afar, who have been shut-ins for a while, and there's some other stuff going on too with a waitress in love with ned (olive my beloved), emerson cod's ex-wives (and a child!), and a mystery from ned's past. i think that's all the basics? anyway, on with the show.

Trent Crimm is a journalist, so perhaps it isn’t surprising when he’s murdered. He dies alone, and afraid, and with no one to care. And then he wakes up with Ted Lasso peering down at him, worried, with soft, kind eyes Trent hasn’t seen since he was a teenager. Who knew that his schoolyard sweetheart could bring back the dead? Certainly not Trent. (Although his college friend, Beard, now a private investigator, apparently very much did.)

Now Trent, still legally dead, has to deal with, among other things: the trauma of his murder and identity of his murderer, his ex-wife and daughter (who still think he is dead, and he secretly suspects might be better off without him, even though he misses his daughter dearly), his growing feelings for a man he can never touch again, his father, and also, you know, all the bizarre murders he, Ted, and Beard are roped into investigating.

Also see: Ted struggling with depression, divorce, fatherhood, baking, and his own past (including a dreadful secret he is keeping from Trent), Beard struggling with a femme fatale to his noir detective, and whatever the hell Roy, Keeley, and Jamie are doing in the background with their synchronized swimming act.

Some notes:

Rupert is almost certainly the one who killed Trent, or had him killed. For, you know, knowing things he shouldn't; looking into things he shouldn't, etc. Half wondering if Rebecca should be involved--not as in she helped kill him, but as in she found out about it or was unwillingly involved--because that could make things even more deliciously complicated.

Ted and baking and building community--whether biscuits or pie, charming everyone he meets

(Trent was poisoned, by the way. So that baking thing. Oh boy.)

I do have a lot of feelings about Trent dying alone and being terrified of that happening again even though he refuses to admit it and keeps a cool and steady facade. Cue Ted getting him to be emotionally vulnerable, and also bonding with Beard at a point where they're trapped together in a situation that could kill them.

Ted and Trent's whole dance around each other only gets more exceedingly complicated, because Ted inadvertently broke his heart a decade or two ago, and now he's brought Trent back from the actual dead. Mixed signals, maybe. Regardless, they are very sweet and wholesome 90 percent of the time.

Thinking about that scene where Ned and Chuck dance on the rooftop in beekeepers outfits--Trent trying to find ways to fill the time now that he can't exactly be a journalist, and while he does end up throwing himself into helping Ted and Beard with their cases--he has his own relevant skills, after all--as well as trying to take care of his child and ex-wife from afar, he can't do that all the time: and Ted has bees on the roof, for the honey.

And also just again, them slow dancing like that. ough.

The whole thing with Trent's ex and daughter I'm not married to (haha) considering I don't think he'd actually leave his daughter thinking he's dead (and I think Ted would not be okay with that, too, for obvious reasons) however I'm not sure how else to handle it and I'm also thinking about him genuinely wondering if they're better off without him and then at some point, of course, them finding out, and. painful emotional growth ensues

Ted is also struggling with his own divorce and kid, because he has secrets and he's kind of terrified that Henry will have his ability, or something similar, even though there have been no signs of it so far. He hadn't planned on having kids, and while he could never regret Henry he's scared of what kind of father he'll be and what kind of damage his secret could do.

I'm not gonna lie, the last line of the summary about roy, keeley, and jamie was a bit of a Silly on my part, so I'm not sure if it would have become something, but I do have ideas running in circles in my brain. Something something, working together, triangles are the strongest shape, something something, practicing and being the best you can be?

Episodic format with case-of-the-weeks involving the other characters, such as the players, Rebecca, etc?

I admit, while part of what makes Pushing Daisies compelling is the tragic impossibility of Ned and Chuck's situation and also the complete non-explanation for how, exactly, Ned got to be Like This, I'm a sucker for a fix-it, and some ideas included: Ted giving up his gift (and dealing with the pain it's caused him and not being "useful", that he's worth more than this gift) OR just. really rotating a scene in my head where for [waves hands] plot reasons Ted knows he has to touch Trent again, let him die again (to bring him back? to stop something terrible? because they've learned something about the origins of Ted's ability?) and just. Trent's near tears but in that smiling this has to happen way, and Ted--Ted gets to kiss him, for real, with no plastic wrap between them, just once, and then Trent crumples in his arms and Ted is just. devastated. Now the question is, does he wake up, or is there another way to bring him back?

(This also works so painfully with "Trent being afraid of dying alone again" because... he doesn't. He dies in Ted's arms, surrounded by friends who will miss him.)

Also thought about this ability being connected to Ted's... Issues(TM), namely his forced positivity and repressed depression and shit but that's kind of soup brain right now

ALSO SEE! Beard and Jane have some fucked up shit going on in the background that eventually gets resolved. Beard occasionally slips into noir detective mode, just like Ted and Trent occasionally slip into romcom mode, despite the fact they're all living in vividly colorful murder mystery bizarro world.

I considered Nate as Olive, albeit in a rather different way, but it doesn't quite fit. Also see Rebecca as someone who hires them under false pretenses but then, ah. doesn't?

Ted and his immortal dog he can't actually pet, please

ALTERNATE TAKES:

Trent is a journalist who can bring back the dead for exactly one minute. It’s extremely useful in his line of work, until he comes across the unattended body of the man he fell in love with over a decade ago, and unfortunately, cannot resist temptation. Possibly featuring Roy Kent as a detective he reluctantly assists, because I find that to be a particularly funny duo.

Ted brings back his best friend from the dead. Trent Crimm, investigative journalist, finds out about his ability and decides to do nothing about it. I find this one compelling despite it not being very fleshed out because I just think Trent finding out a very important secret and deciding not to reveal it, and not even use it, even though it could be very useful, and then he ends up befriending Ted anyway and Ted offers to help... meanwhile Ted and Beard are having their own issues w--wait actually. Wait. I just considered. This... this doesn't really fit with the OG Pushing Daisies but it could be compelling regardless. Ted brings back Michelle, and while she's grateful (because, you know, Henry) it fucks up their relationship even further, especially because they can't touch anymore, and while she's not exactly asking him to undo it she didn't ask to be brought back, either. ANYWAY. And Trent and Ted getting into shenanigans. And probably Beard, too, anyway.

Alternatively, something about Roy as Ned and Keeley as Chuck and possibly Jamie as either Emerson Cod or Olive is.... hmmm.... interesting

idk i'll probably have more thoughts on this later but!!! here you go. this au is too big and complicated in my brain to likely ever get a proper full-sized fic, unless i really get hit with an inspiration whammy, but i might write a few snippets. we'll see

[echoes-lighthouse]

Howdy Echo! Thank you so much for your kind praise regarding my familial Sherlock moodboard it was so sweet of you, aaaa ♡!!

I wanted to ask, have you yet made your lists for your platonic and familial f/os 👀? If so, could you please send a link? I tried looking but couldn't find it :'> if you've not yet made one for familial or platonic f/os, I'd love to see you make one sometime!

Until then, do you have any brother f/os? If you do, what's your dynamic like :>??? If you don't, do you have any sibling f/os at all? If so tell me about that please ♡!

Much appreciation,

Tex @tex-treasures

Ah, thank you for sharing such an awesome moodboard!! I really love other people's familial selfships because it's not something I really do a lot with my own selfships.

There's no universe that I self-insert into JUST to platonically selfship (except for one), the friendships are always mostly background to my romantic selfships. Or queerplatonic, or a secret third thing, or whatever my other selfship in that universe is. So if someone gave me a specific self-insert, I could definitely chat about their friends in that universe, but having a separate list of platonic f/os would feel like I was over-promising how much I'm going to talk about them.

I mostly have familial selfships with kids that I feel like adopting! They're all generally under the #my kiddos tag, but I've got: -the kids from the Murder House (American Horror Story) -the Animaniacs -Morty and Summer (related to my selfship with Zero Rick) -Dipper and Mabel (adopted by me and Ms Frizzle)

I do have two sibling selfships and they're in radically different tones: Alex (A Clockwork Orange) is my brother, but we've got a complicated and fucked up relationship that doesn't really feel like a positive familial relationship. We're under #clockwork siblings.

And then Alice from Twilight is my little sister: or at least she was, when I made a Twilight self-insert at the age of eleven. I haven't made content for that familial selfship in years, but I still hold a deep affection for her. But I don't have a tag for her!

Sorry that answer was all over the place! My romantic selfships are nice and organized but my familial ones are pure chaos. I've probably done the most content for Morty and Summer, but I do love all of my kids dearly.

[frostbite-the-bat]

tell me about your fucked up petz creatures

I WILL GO OVER My Main Cast. alphabetically as they appear in my funny box !

Starting off with ABYSS!! i love her dearly. she's a spamton mixie! specifically a blue addison + spamton + sparkle kittling. she's got no eyes or colors (she's got blue paw pads, thought!), leading to an unsettling appearance. i love her dearly, though! she's full of cheeky personality and she loves jumping through the hoop, if she isn't knocking it out of my hand. (or doing other things... she loves to mess around)

up next is... asshole! yes. thats his name. he's my oldest spamton i currently have! he was originally a different spamton neo, but for petzspamton creator's comfort i converted him to be dib's spamton neo. being based on a siamese - he's picky and he's mean. he's an asshole. that name stuck with him. he used to wear an iconic sweater but this spamton neo kinda breaks shirts so he has a santa hat now!

also spamton neos in petz are known for. their. uhm. Thoughtful Gaze.

next is... BIG BOY! MY BELOVED!! he is a gift from petzspamton for me based on my mega spamton neo design! he came named bigboy and since even my mega spamton neo's nickname has been bigboy. :] he's big, he's cuddly, he's gentle and he LOVES food. he also flops. a LOT. and genuinely when i say he loves food i mean it, he's based on a persian and those love food in petz. he seems very eepy today he's flopping less than usual but probably because of how wacky the room layout is + he's too interested in buck plush

OLD BAD ART ALERT I DONDNT DRAW LIKE THIS NOW I DREW THIS IN MY FLOP ERA but heres mega sneo design. just for context!! (ye he got swapped wings but who cares)

if you see similarities between this hair and the way i draw high roller, no you dont. no you fucking dont.

up next is cap'n! i'll be honest i dont play with him as often since i converted everyone from petz 5 to petz 4 - losing k_k in the progress </3. he just loves starting fights with everyone its no fun </3 but ANYWAYS!! this is a hexie made by YOURS TRULY! hes goofy

can't show off cap'n without.. SWEET! oh boy after glados this is my most complicated hex. DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL IT IS. TO MAKE A CUBE. OUT OF (SPHERES) (AND LINES THAT ARE VERY FUCKY) ITS HORRIBLE. sweet sweet sweet my dearest friend sweet they start fights sometimes too but are calmer than cap'n. they like playing with plushies a lot as you can see

next is creature! a funky little spamton mixie. seriously this thing is like generation 7 and listing everything thats In Their Blood may take a while. they've got lovely spots and neat textures + are pretty big!!! their tip ends with a pink which is a fun contrast compared to the blue/white gradient. very silly fella!!!

next is cupcake! one out of two silly kitties i got from bad_death ! they did a thing where they gave out unique textured/patterned fellas to people on petzcord. so these guys are unique! like everyone elses. i have other petz i got from other people that are hexed, but i don't have them in the playable petz folder right now. cupcake likes to flop around, too! what a lovely fuzzball... they also get scared of everything which isnt characteristic of a persian personality but. hey. the wordl is scaresy...

next is dragonfruit with their funky shrimp tail !! also a spamton mixie - you can defo see similarities between them and creature. i believe they're related? anyways - the main breed they take from is cubus! they have calico personality so they are very playful!!

next is fledgeling! Bird. i dont even know whats in them .

FROSTBITE. MADE BY PETZSPAMTON FOR ME. THIS smug-ass cursed entity. they're a little bastard beast. theyre just me but petz. smug ass. likes to 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨. friends with some but enemy to many. LOVES DANCING. PLAY MUSIC INGAME AND THIS THING WILL SHAKE TAIL. dear god even this frost made it to hr's , they will kill.

also the iconic gif with them and spammo.

next is GLADOS! or catdos if you will. i made this with my own blood sweat and tears it was a nightmare. but look! glados !

im getting tired and i havent eaten today yet because im autism SO. SHORTER DESCRIPTIONS.

iceshock!! silly ice spammy kitty.

MANGO MY DEAREST BELOVED. YOUNGER BROTHER TO OTTERPOP. THOSSE TWO ARE BASICALLY MY MASCOT SPAMTONS. I LOVE THEM SO MUHHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC. THISSECTION IS FOR THEM BOTH MWA MWA LOVE THEM. also that was ttheir bday gift a year ago They Didnt Like It. btw otterpop blue shirt mango flower shirt

onion .

....and i hit the image limit so...! feel free to ask for more...!

[ahsokaisawesome]

Hometober Day 6

Just trying to catch up, I'll try to get day 7 done by the end of the night so wish me luck! This one is about homes outside of homes, I call it "New Signs" based on a memory of my aunt Lorena making me a milkshake at her new place. This was a sweet little apartment home for her and her son, I wasn't there too too often but I remember feeling safe and happy whenever we visited. As usual, more under the read but otherwise have a great day!

My aunt Lorena had some complicated relationships during the time I lived in Calgary, but she loved her son more than anything in the world-and still does! At some point early on she managed to find this basement apartment by a man I called uncle Julio who had a cool ass parrot, and it was small and quaint but it was everything they needed and they seemed happy. We had some birthdays there, we had some family reunions there, and despite the few years between her son and I we got along like a house on fire. He was the cousin who played with my playdoh back in the second picture, and they both visited often at the house we rented for a year [we were always an inch or two off in height but he eventually beat me haha]. Reason for the name here is that we were watching that awful movie Signs about aliens, I remember being sHOCKED at that scene where the alien shows up on the news at a Mexican party it was so scary to me at first. I don't think they live there anymore, from what I could gather back in May but I know they're doing better and my cousin works hard for both of them. I love them dearly, and they always had each other so their home was peaceful for me. Another fav memory was walking to a closed-off driving entrance with a chain and using it as a swing where he flexed his french at me-I didn't know much french yet but I got better quickly. Thanks for reading!

[thisisnarcissismtalking]

Hi dearies

You see, the thing is that I don't have anything that interesting happening right now, that I'm very unsure what to talk to you about. And it's all because I don't do much except studying and planning a DND campaign, because my dearest girlfriend is out of town!! 😭😭😭

And I know, I know, I'll see her soon when I move in with her, but it won't be the same due to university starting, our study hours being vastly different, and general big city conditions being sadder and... more boring in a way. It may be just my attachment to this town and our little adventures around it, but it's real.

So! I thought I'm gonna speak some stuff about relationships, friendships and generally my attitude towards people in my life - as a narcissist. Cause that's a thing that I thought very much about lately and I need to get it out of me finally.

Because I really don't think I need so many people in my life - in a deep, close relationship way. And that being said, I don't think I do have.. like, you know, close friends?

The person closest to me, my girlfriend, is also my very, very close friend in a way. She knows a lot about me, I try to tell her everything and to not keep secrets. It's hard because I'm not yet feeling that well about some of my narcissistic traits, that part of society would probably deem strong flaws. You know - the jealousy, the high need for constant attention and praise despite not doing much, or even, resulting from these, passive and negative attitude towards some people and ideas. Because when I'm jealous of someone I usually tend to get quiet and unhappy, and I can't for the love of god hide it, so I just come off as acting weird xddd

But yesterday I realized another thing about me. And it's that I am.. pretty much indifferent to most people. And holy hell is it a complicated subject though.

It's not like I don't hang out with people. I even like some of them. But it isn't anything more than that. They are people I meet sometimes to go on a short walk or play DND with. And the thing is, I do not feel empathy, practically at all. Adding up these things - I am mostly indifferent to what happens in their lives unless I can somehow see myself in them (worse thing is if they see themselves in me sometimes, because they are usually wrong and it's weird, stop projecting onto me people, only my gf knows me well enough to guess what's up with me xdd).

It's hard because I also have a thing with seeing relationships as "what can I get if I talk to this person". And because of this, my attitude towards university colleagues is right now "get to know someone so you would have a person you can get notes from, and maybe borrow money sometimes if you need", cause that was a surprising lot of my high school relationships. But I don't feel the need to befriend anyone. I don't need friends.

And yeah, many people would say "wdym it's hard, it's so cool! I wish I wouldn't need friends, I don't like caring about other people...."

...idk, I don't know what to say to you. I don't relate at all xdd I just sometimes feel bad about it. Cause on one hand I would like to know someone who would understand me, maybe someone cool with similar interests as me, but on the other, I just know that I wouldn't feel the need to contact them, talk and make moves to get the friendship going. Probably also get tired of them quickly.

I may just... very much not like people and hate everyone that isn't my girlfriend because they tire me, they have problems that they talk about often and that I don't care about at all, and sometimes they're funny. But that's all. I don't even feel I want praise from them because I don't care about it.

I hold dearly sweet words from my favorite person and time spent with them. I care about them and wouldn't ever want that relationship to end. And it's not for the stereotypical reasons - she criticizes me a lot, and she's not treating me like a walking goddess, only giving me praise. Nah, I just love her. Actually and honestly. I want to get better for her in ways that I can. And these aren't things I would say about anyone else in the whole world.

....I wonder if my npd has something to do with being demisexual. It would be a really interesting connection considering all of the above, don't you think?

That would be all for today. I think. I would maybe do a post about my relationship with myself too. So maybe it's not all for today, but for now.

[casualtydept]

experiencing a particular sense of derangement today so how about an annotated walkthrough of my zeroskull playlist

there's a sort of progression to this that i intended to span their relationship as i portray it so keep that in mind. i hope you like 80s music.

this charming man - the smiths

this man said "it's gruesome, that someone so handsome should care"

my very first zeroskull fic has zero call him handsome and i shamelessly stole the idea from here. oh the romanticism of somehow finding yourself involved with an older english man who knows so much about these things...

2. unloveable - the smiths

i don't have much in my life, but take it - it's yours

sorry for all the morrissey it's not my fault he's also depressed and sexually complicated. i haven't written late 50s skull face in a while and this makes me miss him. oh you poor messed up thing.

3. love my way - the psychedelic furs

a kiss in not enough in love my way, it's a new road i follow where my mind goes

would you look at that another song about being gay. a comfy dreamy sort of feeling of falling for that older man that encourages him just to give in to all these terribly complicated feelings

4. later tonight - pet shop boys

and you wait 'til later, 'til later tonight 'cause tonight always comes

"the most gay song we've ever written" says neil tennant. i'll leave it at that

5. jack the ripper - morrissey

your face is as mean as your life has been crash into my arms, i want you you don't agree, but you don't refuse i know you

oh fuck he's back. anyway haha hope you enjoyed the sweet stuff here's one in which i compare zero to a serial killer. the "nobody knows me" lyric at the end fills my head with many thoughts. it's not zero if it isn't at least a little bit fucked up and morally questionable.

6. shake the disease - depeche mode

here is a plea from my heart to you nobody knows me as well as you do

hope you like this band as much as me or you'll be sick of them by the end of this. oh the desperation. ow oof the mortifying ordeal of being known.

7. in your room - depeche mode

i'm hanging on your words living on your breath feeling with your skin will i always be here?

be thankful i only quoted the chorus here. zero is a powerful man.

8. vampires - pet shop boys

say what you like i'll do what you want me to do you're a vampire, i'm a vampire too

the inherent romanticism of becoming strange and offputtingly wicked men who operate largely at night together

9. master and servant - depeche mode

domination's the name of the game in bed or in life, they're both just the same except in one you're fulfilled at the end of the day

i could have just quoted the whole song here. it's a lot like life!

10. stories of old - depeche mode

but we won't sacrifice anything at all to love

tfw you're totally in love but not enough to make you stop caring about controlling the global population/destroying the english language [delete as appropriate]

11. lovesong - the cure

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel like i am whole again

i love pain and suffering.

12. love will tear us apart - joy division

love, love will tear us apart again

from the mgsv soundtrack itself. oh the misery.

13. wicked game - chris isaak

the world was on fire and no one could save me but you

[chanting] DIVORCE ERA DIVORCE ERA DIVORCE ERA. the bitterness... the longing.... the knowledge that the guy you essentially spent the last decade or more giving your life to is obsessed with some other guy and has ambitions that directly conflict with yours/make you want to murder him

14. diamonds and rust - joan baez

it's all come back too clearly yes, i loved you dearly and if you're offering me diamonds and rust i've already paid

[skull face voice] oh joan baez we're really in it now. music to drink heavily to after making a certain phone call, thumb running over the scratched metal of an authentic pin badge...

15. no children - the mountain goats

i am drowning there is no sign of land you are coming down with me hand in unlovable hand and i hope you die i hope we both die

oh you know i had to.

anyway hope you enjoyed this glimpse at what drives my insanity, i might do this for my (multiple) skull face playlists sometime but one is full of edgy bullshit + hungarian metalcore and half of my other one is just ennio morricone's dollars trilogy soundtracks lol.

[shaanks]

hoping to be the first to send you one piece for the meme!! but if not, star trek (or both) :3c

Hello my sweetest Peach!! You are the first one to ask for One Piece so here we go! ; u ; gonna put most of this under a readmore so I don't flood the dash with the longest yeah boy ever lmfao.

--

the first character i ever fell in love with:

Roronoa Zoro the actual love of my life. Sanji was a very close immediate second (that I dragged my feet about forever bc I have to be like tsuntsun and obnoxious about everything) and then like 18 subsequent people, but Zoro was my first and my dearest. <3

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

I don't really have anything for this, or at least not that I can think of beyond like. Kaku from Galley-La, who seemed like a really chill dude until he wasn't lmfao. Maybe like. Usopp's gf from waaaaay way back in the beginning, though it's not even that I liked her and don't anymore and more that I just do not. Ever think about her lmfao. Usually my instincts aren't super wrong in this series, everyone I've loved I love still.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Again I don't really have anything for this, its less that I liked a ship and don't anymore and more that I've cycled through things I liked earlier that just don't really have my attention now bc the story has been off of them for so long. Usopp and his East Blue GF are like this, I used to be pretty hardcore Nami/Vivi, and I still really love the pairing!!! but I haven't seen Vivi in like. 400ish episodes? and so my attention has sort of cycled off into more recent/immediate things.

my ultimate favorite character™:

At the end of the day it's Luffy, isn't it? No matter how dearly I love anyone else, my heart always comes back to the best boy, oh captain my captain, I'd literally sail into hell for him. I think there's just something so beautifully, tenderly, viciously human about him, no matter where the story takes him, and I can't give the top spot to anyone else. There are lots of facets and contexts to which love and interest can be attributed and in other contexts the list might look different, but in terms of overall, objective favorites? It's Luffy forever. <3

prettiest character:

Genuinely not sure how to choose between Ace and Sanji and Law for this one. There are TON of like really really gorgeous people in this series by like varying metrics of attractiveness, but these three are like. The prettiest people I've ever seen, like. Got me on the actual floor every day, they're just breathtaking.

my most hated character:

I've got a couple of different answers for this bc it feels like I need to. Blackbeard, for literally everything he's done. Garp, for not being able to summon enough fucking humanity to tell a 10 year old that it's okay for him to exist, and that he isn't guilty of the sins of his father. Doflamingo, although this one is complicated by how interesting and necessary to the story I feel he is (juxtaposed with Blackbeard, who is v necessary to the story but is a spineless little cowardly worm that I'd like to squish with my shoe. 0/10 not interesting also killing him with beams).

Squard. Whitebeard may have forgiven you but I fucking don't.

Vander Decken. Pedophile. Arlong. Piece of shit asshole. Caesar Clown. There's a bunch of people in this series I'd like to hit with a rock forever lmfao.

my OTP:

(you mean aside from all my canon x oc otps?) Frobin, NamiVivi, Baby5 with a proper therapist, I like LawLu just bc I think they are so deeply important to each other, like there is SUCH a powerful narrative undercurrent to their bond like I get it and it's sweet when I see it.

my NOTP:

CrocodileVivi like YIKES, uhhh. OH yes yes I know there's a decently sized subset that romantically ships the ASL trio and that squicks me out, they're so very brothers and I Do Not Like That. Not tryin to yuck anyone's yum but it ain't for me. I know I'm forgetting something egregious but I make a decent enough effort to just Not Perceive pairings I don't like that I genuinely can't think of anything that's an actual One Piece ship that I find yucky.

favorite episode:

How on earth could I possibly lmfaooooo I. Here I'm gonna cheat, there's one called the Episode of East Blue that's like a little movie of the beginning of the series. That is what I will choose. There are bits and pieces of other episodes that I like to go back and rewatch, but bc the story is told the way it is, everything gets spread out and so mostly individual episodes just have pieces parts of what I love. I could do favorite arc though, like. Water7/Enies Lobby I wish there was some way to scrub it outta my brain so I could watch it for the first time again, it's so fucking incredible I'll scream.

All that being said, uh. Whiskey Peak bc Zoro, god fucking gesus.

saddest death:

I don't wanna say it in case anyone's reading this that might get spoiled but. ya know. you know who. Peach, look me in the eye, you know exactly who.

favorite season:

it's not a season but it's worth repeating Water7/Enies Lobby god fucking GESUS it's so good. SO good. There have been a ton of things I've loved, all of the stories really are so incredible but I get chills and goosebumps thinking about Water7 to this DAY. Marineford/Impel Down, too, though idk that I'll ever be able to watch them again lmfao.

least favorite season:

Hysterically, as much as I love it and am very pro Skypiea, I think in the scheme of everything I've watched up until now it's the lowest on the list? I wanna be clear, I fucking LOVED Skypiea, but like. If you pit it against like, Alabasta, or Water7, or Marineford, or 3D2Y, or Punk Hazard My Beloved, it just doesn't quite stand as tall.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Again, I wanna be very, firmly, completely, directly clear: I do not HATE him. I Don't Hate Him. but. Usopp. For the most part it's because I find him incredibly frustrating, even now in the post-time skip era where he's undergone all his New World Training and Preparation I just. Maybe it's envy, to a degree, that he's on this incredible adventure with all these people that love him and he grits his teeth and drags his feet and is cowardly about like. Every aspect of a story I'd kill to be a part of lmao. I don't know. I've warmed up to him considerably over the course of the story, and I'm very glad he's there and he plays an important role in the friend group but like. He also makes me insane sometimes.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Sighs listen listen listen listen. He's not trash. He's really intelligent and clever and driven and organized and powerful. and hot. he's just also a Bad Man who has Done Bad Things and actually I am the one in the dumpster but uh. Crocodile. I think you knew that going into this question. I'd redacted redacted redacted that man for as long as he'd let me lmfao, he's just also not a very nice dude lmfao.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

Ace and Law and Cora and Sanji and Zoro and--

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

Fucking DoflaCroc lmfao. THEY'RE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER. MINGO'S AWFUL. CROCODILE IS ALSO AWFUL BUT MIGHT BE SALVAGEABLE WITH THERAPY. THEY MAKE EACH OTHER WORSE! All their "intimacy" is like, violent and pernicious! It's just headgames and hatesex and lust and ugliness....and YET-

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

Idk really lmfao, I guess Usopp and his GF if they still are involved?? Mostly when I'm into ships I am Very Normal and Brave about them so it's like. ??? Shachi and Penguin are kinda cute back there, but I only ever really think about them in the context of how much they love Law, so I guess that counts??

--

Thank you so so much for your ask bby, I love you dearly!!!!

[archiveofourcrows]

I've been searching all week for aftg fics to read, and I can't find any new ones I'm interested in :(Do you maybe have any recommendations?

so these asks are a little old (sorry) but they caught me right as i was actually cataloging all of my favorites in my fic collection, it took me over 2 months because i've read a lot and there were way to many to include here.

(but you can see all of my favorites here if you're interested!!)

anyways without further ado, here is the abridged (but still very large) version. they're all completed, be sure to check tw's and tags as always and enjoy! every fic on this list is a complete masterpiece and has my highest praises like... omfg

(i probably won't do any fic recs after this because this is like... all of them + a link to more)

just a slow body by flybbfly (@wilsherejack)

The Marks We Make (Soulmates AU) by @fortheloveofexy

Artist!Neil AU by fortheloveofexy

fragile by likearecord (@likearecordbb)

Please Don't Jump (It's Christmas) by @bringmeapipedream

History Repeating by ohhhhmygod, QPsaudG

Junk Of The Heart by AmaliaIR (@amaliaisabel)

i remember fields of flowers by @redskiesandsailboats

Unmasking a Fox's Kiss by @nachtgraves

Growing pains of becoming a Real Person by nightwalker4769

finders keepers by moonix (@annawrites)

Called It Home by @jingerhead

what’s yours is mine by @bazookajo94

There Now, Steady Love by jingerhead 

Assumptions by @exyissexy25

Sweet Stuff by sadwatermelon

Tale as Old as Time by @gluupor

it's better when we do it together by otatop (@imperfectcourt)

All You Knead is Bread (and love, but who's keeping track?) by @mystrana

Ghost of You by Major_816 (@major816)

Pirates of the ExSea by bri_ghtly (@bri-ghtly)

A Quiet Self-Destruction by fortheloveofexy

The Stars Refuse to Shine by puddlejumper99

they used to shout my name (now they whisper it) by @badacts, broship_addict (@broship-addict)

The Sound by jemwrites

Point Nemo by moonix

Just Another Typical Ranch AU by Rory_writes (@andrew-is-foxy)

Fear No Fall by vicariously kingly (pelted) (@unkingly)

Cryptid Serial Killer Witch Man by attfna (@andthenthefirenationattacked)

Red Rabbits by @bloodydamnit, @jeni182, SeaBear13, windeavesdrops

it's you i've been wishing for by @melopeya

Dearly Detested by darkbluebox

The Pain of Knowing by solangelosunangel

I’ve been waiting for so long (to feel like I’m home) by @thecompletebookworm

Honey Golden Light by Winterlynne_Norvic

Petal-Shaped Epiphanies by Willow_bird (@willowbird)

Secrets & Santas by Willow_bird

Rough All Over by bri_ghtly

Brother of Mine by @paradoxolotl

i know that we can survive now that we made it by priorwalter (@carterchilcott)

Lifelines by darkbluebox

i've been confused on how to move (real love's so hard to find) by Talls (@tallsinspace)

Fake it till you make it by All_for_the_andreil

i can become any miracle you need by pipedreqm

Home by @fullyvisible

Dear True Love by @fairietailed

the key to us. by andreil (@anddreil)

the weight of his hand in his by Bookdancer (@bookdancerfics)

More Than This by puddlejumper99 (@writingpuddle) & Right Next to You by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot) (@leahlisabeth)

late nights by jemwrites

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 (@andrewsbutterflyknife)

curiosity killed the cat. by @idnis

you mean you forgot cranberries too by scribbleb_red (@scribbleb-red)

Small Angry Gardeners by @sensationalsunburst

Push to Talk by @alexjosten

RED, RISE, RULE by andreil

stupid love by orphan_account

When the frost is in bloom by Silveriss

An Assassin's Guide to Romance by gluupor, @llheji

made up of light and shade by freefall

Notice by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) (@exactly13percent)

Deadly Affections by NikNak22

The Nameless Monster by @kanekicure

Follow You Down by @fairietailed

You're the Sunflower by Stjosten

matchmaker by uwereamazing (@rikohateclub)

gonna love you anyhow by @sporadichearttcollector

the harder you fall by @petalloso

A Phantom and a Fly by 5a5b5p5

married to my enemy by jemwrites

here and where you are by pentagrammed

five times. by redblue

A Thousand Miles Seems Pretty Far by gluupor 

Not Nothing by TheRainbowElectric (@agreatperhaps12)

honey don't feed me (i will come back) by Talls

So Let the Stars Fall by @fuzzballsheltiepants

Relinquo by Stjosten

In Every Lifetime by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot)

So Far Apart by alex_wh0 (@alex-wh0)

don't leave me to bleed by sporadichearttcollector

what comes after nightmares by moth_writes

Over and Undertow by attfna

High or Low Tide by Stjosten

Next to You by KatherineF

Haunted: Not Clickbait by @autumnalpalmetto

ANDROMEDA by andreil

late to the party (i hope we offend somebody) by priorwalter

changing tides - titanic au by orphan_account

Identity Theft by likearecord

I'm not broken (I'm made for a mosaic) by pawnofkings

Such a Fool for Sacrifice by likearecord

climb a mountain (hold his hand) by Bookdancer

Colours by jemwrites

A song of truths and flowers by ScriptaManent

forgetmenot by moonix

Home for Christmas by abraxos_is_toothless

[justanothergayemperor]

Before Following, please read topics discussed below:

This is a kin blog, all dedicated to this wonderful, villainous asshole.. Shao Kahn. All I say that may come of as off putting, please be reminded that I'm merely just trying to entertain myself and others for being able to kin Shao Kahn and anyone I want. Trigger warnings are present here whenever topics that are sensitive to others, Trigger warning for upcoming swears.

I'm a minor, so please don't come at me with your porn accounts and try to hit me on, or else I'll have to send an image of this bastard I'm kinning telling you to piss off and immediately block you.

I'm not an asshole, but I am aware that Shao Kahn is one. So whenever I try to be into character please know that I don't intent it to be my actual motive, but if I do end up becoming too much please don't be afraid to say so!

I can do what I want, so anything that isn't canon about what I think about how Shao Kahn would be, please just respect it. At least I don't try to push the narrative of it actually being canon, I can tell the difference of a headcanon and canon facts.

I can and will be creating Aus according to specifically change the way Shao is an absolute villain, he still is any shape and form but I like me a villain turning into at least of an anti-hero. Or just becoming chaotically neutral.

My mind is chaotically gayish in nature when it comes to ships, so please respect any weird and randomize ships I can come up with involving Shao Kahn. I mostly ship Raiden X Shao Kahn since their dynamic, for me and my created timeline, works for each other. I also like Kollector X Shao Kahn. Yeah I know, I'm weird..

I go by as all pronounces but I will prefer to stick with They/He. Another thing, I'm Demiromantic and Demisexual and also Pan. I'M A P A N

If you're an actual disgusting whore, support/is a part of maps or pedophilia, homophobic in any kind of shape and form, a FUCKING racist, and any of that nature.. PLEASE. FUCK. OFF!!! this is a safe blog for people who just want to chill, be homo, be safe from predators and be supportive of each other. I don't want any of that FREAKISH NATURE coming out from my feed, eyes, souls or even in my follower sections. I'll be fucking watching.

Any kins of any fandoms that I'm in or just anything in general, as long as it's safe and it doesn't cross boundaries, you can chill on my blog. Hell! Even interact with it, do whatever! Just don't come off as offending In a way that makes people uncomfortable and I'll chill.

I'll tag anything that involves posts that are "in character". Also a little summary of my timelines and dips of lovely lore, 1. in my AU Shao Kahn is NOT an emperor anymore. He still owns his fortress though but doesn't rule anymore. 2. Shao Kahn and Raiden were and still are together for 19 years, how?? Hell if I want to tell ya I can, but I don't want to for that sweet juicy lore. 3. Shao and Kitana doesn't have a stable relationship with each other, yet. They can make up but for now they're too stupid to even try and get along despite wanting to. Something they have in common a lot. 4. Shao Kahn is.. still an asshole, but not as bad as he was before, he's just Like your friendly neighborhood asshole who'll ruin your day just for entertainment and giggles. Nothing too harmless unlike before. 5. Shao will still fucking adopt kids, create them or something I DON'T KNOW! but fucking hell, he loves kids. Some of them just reminds him of his lovingly vicious Mileena and loves them all dearly and equally unlike before "retiring". The guys just wants more kids 6. Kotal Kahn and Shao Kahn.. well they have a complicated friendship, they can be trying to ruin each other's days every single moment, or they could be having the most beautiful brother bonding relationship. And act like utter kids when the other disagrees to do what the other wants.... Okay maybe that's too long for a summary...

Might update this if necessary or if points that I planned on discussing isn't discussed, otherwise I still stand on my points. I'll see you In my kin posts ;-P.

—JustanothegayEmperor

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss my friends... I'm still not finished watching my next life as a villainess, because recently I just get so homesick watching it. Like, yeah... things weren't perfect, but I loved my friends very dearly... even if, er, it wasn't quite in the way they wanted at the time. They were my family! Even if I'm... conflicted on some of what I now know, they were and will always be so important to me still! I miss them... especially my adorable little brother and Maria! Oh, Maria... I miss her so much! And her baking... just tasting sweets reminds me of her. And Mary, my best friend! Though I do not like how... hm... aggressively she tried to win my heart at times, she is and will always be my best friend! Oh, I just miss all of them. They're all so uniquely special, and none of them are replaceable. So I just... miss them. Sophia, Nicol, Jeord, all of them. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but... we were okay. We were a family. A little dysfunctional, but... still good. I also miss my dad! He loved spoiling me rotten, meanwhile Mother was strict and uncompromising... which I don't really miss. I never connected with her as much after I regained my memories of my past life. I wasn't the daughter she wanted... that was the original Katarina Claes, and I didn't want to be her. I remember being her, before I regained my memories, and it was awful. I mean... I saw my dad as my dad once I remembered, still, since we were always sort of close. Sure, I was more independent, but I still loved him to bits... but it was different with Mother. She... didn't like me. And yes, it hurt on some level, and if I never reawakened my memories I would have probably tried so hard to please her... to be liked by her... but the thing is, I already had a mom who liked me. Not just loved me, but liked who I was as a person. So I never felt the need to chase after Mother's affection... because I knew she just didn't like me. Some people just don't like each other. It was sad, sure, but... I knew with my experience that it was unwise to change myself just because of that. I wasn't unlikable. I had a whole family in my past life who liked and loved me. I had Keith who liked and loved me, I had Mary, I had Sophia, I had Nicol, I had Maria and Jeord and my dad and so many people who liked me. So many people loved me, and while I was blind to it for most of my life, I could still feel their love, even if I didn't understand it. Even when I thought that I was the villainess, that no one could fall in love with someone like me, I had so many people who loved me. And deep down, I knew it. I was just afraid to be wrong. But... I also... loved myself. Even if no one else did, I knew who I was, and I was okay with it. I would survive. Even if I was exiled, I would survive. I was always self sufficient. I didn't need... most of what I had. But I'm still so, so grateful I had it. I don't know. It's a complicated sort of feeling. - Katarina Claes (My Next Life as a Villainess)