#I might just watch possum again idk

[manzaza]

perirep with airpods promoting mY WHOLE REVIEW OF THE NEW WISH SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE OHHHHH MY GOD IT GOES SO SO SO HARD (under cut feel free to listen here (also on apple music + yt do in fact give it a listen please yay) !!)

theme song (all the singing songs)

— although i can never truly let go of the og the new theme song will always be a bop

— so upbeat, so happy !!!

new yorkity york

— hazel’s va is such an amazing singer PLEASE if there’s a season 2 give them a musical episode there are not enough musicl numbers

party possum’s friendship song

— better than the chuck e cheese one i heard in the theater earlier lollllllll

— the live band version ate i liked the difference

— unhinged version was so fun the nickelodeon drummer ate up

lovely love song

— still haven’t watched this episode (i was shopping when it aired oops)

— hazel was so silly idk what happens i just remember cupid being there (idk if he was in this at the end that might’ve been hazel’s dad)

i love fries

— HAZEL’S VA SLAYING AGAIN !!!!!

— banger song so real live laugh love fries

— cosmo + wanda contributed yay let them sing

time loops

— addiction,,,,, brainrot even,,,,,,,,,

— cosmo and wanda singing yayyy !!!

— the actual little yay at the end was so silly got a good chuckle

proud of my son — dubstep remix

— this was actually the funniest thing to watch i had this episode pulled up in a panera’s and i was just staring at it like “bro just took over the world for THIS”

— dev is ten so it does make sense

— almost

a new wish (yay background music !!)

— i love all the jazz in the ost just soooo so good

— reminds me of a sam and max kinda intro

— listening to this + the rest just makes me want a video game for ANW so so bad it would genuinely be so much fun to play (will genuinely plot out a tumblr post for this idea)

fly hazel

— banger warmup vibes in the intro

— love how some of the insteuments give like a fly-feeling gimmick (cause she’s a fly)

— little intro chord at the very end eats up

teacher’s pal

— might be one of my fav tracks

— nickeloxeon pianist and saxophonist are eating uppp

— 1:15 was so good

— nickelodeon symphony when

fearless

— somewhat out of place but still fits in with the show vibes

— very lurking

— fnaf 3 am jumpscare (idk i see more poppy playtime in this despite never watching or knowing anything about poppy playtime

— very cheerful kinda scary at the end (yay jasmine!!!)

wellingston hotel

— i rlly like hotel music play this at a marriott hotel NOW

— still haven’t seen this episode (i’m dying to watch it i need to see winn’s introoooo)

— sudden rich person music change

— love you nickelodeon saxophonist !!!!

dev dimmadome

— classic dev intro

— 0:54 is so cruel just label this project h whyyyyyyyy

— just sheer pain in the middle but then they remebered at the end “oh yeah he’s ten”

— it gets so intense at 1:30 broooooo

fairy heist

— i love spy music

— little dev-ness in the middle with the certain gimmick in his track (i might be crazy for this one but idk the “waeahwow” reminded me of something from his track + i think this was in the breaking into school scene idk)

prime meridian love

— literal anime ost

— eats with the dramatic intro

— it faintly reminds me of an ok ko track but just slightly at the beginning of some of the melodies idk might be crazy for this one too

peri and irep

— no way.

— actually no way.

— ship interacts once and they get their own song.

— the twist at the beginning of the track was so hype like the beat is just constantly at odds during this song (and because i’m just like that i have the track times put down too when they swap)

— to not make this any longer the noticeable parts after their intros are like 0:50–1:02 is peri-sounding and then 1:03–1:18 is irep-sounding and from then on their themes are always at a clash with more differences spotted at the end

— will say i love irep’s part at 0:32 and 1:03 that’s so funnnn ahh

— the little villainous laugh at like 1:50 was silly

— the little theme at 3:00 ahhh !!!!!

— might be another fav……. yeah def another fav my airbuds says so

viozalea

— feels so medieval at first and i love it

— quick just like viozalea’s appearance (rip)

rattlleconda

— fire western theme

— still in character with the show the beat was firee

— the soft violin gahhh sheer joy

— intense pressure put on at the end ate

love and games

— rock paper scissors core

— me when rock paper scissors

— wait i actually never watched the valentines episode

— uhhhhhhh second half might be rock paper scissors

— BANGS

— love u Nickelodeon drummer

battle of wands (FINALE)

— shut up this is too glorious of a melody

— ok intense

— oh might’ve just hit one million wishes idk how this song is following the episode

— the chaos in the rhythm eats

— littlt theme at 2:30 aghhhh won

— peri lying dead right after again idk how the episode paces through songs i can spot little scenes here and there

— banged

— little clock beat ahh the happiness

— can’t even tell what happened but good finale

OVERALL i really enjoyed the soundtrack i love how it tries and takes you through the course of the episode and it’s so so fun!! almost feels like video game music sometimes which is so so good for them like YES drop a new wish video game it would be so good !!!!

[oceanlandworld]

possum 2018 spoilers + references to child abuse

i knew going in that the movie had csa themes but i knew very little other than that and that it involved a creepy puppet and im glad i knew going in about the assault scene more or less but having that foreknowledge definitely affected how i watched it. i don't mind though because i think it maybe made me enjoy it more upon first watching

i want to watch it again at some point because it's so dreamlike and fragmented in parts (which is also something i really appreciate in a film about csa impacts) and also now that i know the ending i can pay more attention to interpreting the events as shown. if that makes sense

basically throughout the film i was very much viewing the puppet as a representation of repressed trauma which i think is very intentional but i really want to watch it again to think more about the puppet as a symbol cuz it feels more sophisticated than just "scary puppet represents scary event(s)" - there's all these creepy shots of the legs obviously but also all the scenes of him holding it protectively vs trying to destroy it.... ouugh. the scene of him dumping it in the river and collapsing into the mud and the cut to the puppet in the water especially Got Me

i have DID goggles on always so i was already viewing the puppet as potentially representing not only traumatic events but also the identification with being a victim of those events and essentially a child alter and the mentions of philip being seen accompanied by the missing boy + the very ending of the film made me feel like that was intentional even if idk if it was intended specifically as a DID narrative - "missing child released from hidden imprisonment following the death of the abuser" is soooo overt that if i didn't really like it i might find it too on the nose. i actually quite like the ending being as abrupt as it is, i feel like it didn't need to be longer and i like the ambiguity a lot

[recklessandyoung]

9 23 28 <33

23. Say three things about someone you hate: I wish I hadn’t known you, sometimes. I do. But it happened, and I’m still glad, in ways, that I got to know you for such a time. I hope you’ve found happiness now, I hope you treat yourself better, and get to see at least some of the beautiful things about life, because you deserve them, and I hope you know that now. (Maybe we’ll see eachother in life again, who can tell)

28. Do you collect anything? Well, I used to collect cassettes, although I haven’t as much since my cassette player’s broken, and I suppose you could say in a way I collect books? I’m just a bookworm idk… aand I do however, collect flowers to dry ::3

(Question nine’s down below the cut, it’s just a bit long lol)

9. Tell a story about your childhood: One time, I went down to my favourite place in the world, Wellington, when I was around the age of eight, and I remember so vividly the drive down, it’s always so… content for me whenever I go there, it’s like my home. When we went we got up around 4:00 in the morning because the drive always takes ages because it’s at the other end of this island of the country, and I was so sleepy but I was happy. We went through a tunnel at one point and I remember thinking I saw a demon but it was just the road being really dark because it was night and it was the red lights of the truck in front of us (I laugh about this so much now), uh, my Mum also ran over a possum on the way down when were driving through a stretch of countryside and it was still dark, which we always joke about now heheh ~ we stopped to have breakfast at a lake about a quarter of the way down, and the sun hadn’t risen yet but the sky was a faint blue, and god it was so cold, the table we were at was so wet we got towels out, I think. That was the first trip down when I made a pact to myself to always listen to only Fat Freddy’s Drop (a reggae band from Aoteroa, who I’ve grown up on) so I listened to them all the way down the next time we went cause I had headphones of my own. And I have since, without fail. It began to clear up, but it was raining as we drove through the countryside about an hour from the lake. When we got there, hours later, it was raining so much, which is pretty standard weather there, and I love it. So much. I felt so peaceful and quiet music was playing, and the beautiful thing is, as you’re driving into the city, you drive along the ocean on one side of you, with mountains on the other, which never fails to make me smile. We had lunch in the car, I think, it’s a bit hazy to remember that part but I remember my parents getting lunch out of the back of the ute. The feeling on the way back, though… I just felt like I never wanted to leave, and I remember thinking that so clearly, on the drive back through a stretch of road (it’s called Desert road, it’s owned my the New Zealand military, so you can’t go walking in it, but there’s a road through it). This might be dramatic, but skyfall by Adele was playing, and there was a board of games between me and my sibling in the car, and the heater was on and I had my blanket wrapped around my shoulders, and as I was watching the rain against the window and the fog outside and trying to get even a glimpse of grass on the side of the road, I remember thinking so clearly, I wish I could go back already. It’s always felt like a second home to me, no matter where I am in life. I could tell stories about my times there whenever anyone asks <3

[cutepastelstarsalior]

Clone high living blogging

Episode 2

Oh wow the second hand embarrassment is SO strong when Joan was asleep in class…..

……..Joan knows about Wiccan stuff AND she practices it?? I mean I guess that makes sense seeing as her clone mother was a French saint?

“Women just weren’t friends with each other like that” GIRL what do you mean?????? Like in context Joan is saying she wants friends. I know that the show had a very small character group but ?????? That didn’t mean girls didn’t have girl fiends???

Oh there breaking the 4th wall again…….i feel like this is gonna happen a lot.

Joan really said “im not like other girls”

Harriet and Frida give those vibes of girls who pretend to be friends with the outcast only to betray and bully them…I don’t trust them.

Nooooo jfk don’t have any guy friends because ponce is dead noooooooo :(

Ah hell yeahhhhhh the blue background bathroom are back!!!! :)

Nooooooo Joan had a new foster mom!!!! Cleo’s mom and toots are probably dead :(. Hmmm that makes me wonder, HOW do the clones feel about their family might be dead? Like to them it’s what, been a day? 2? Since they got unfrozen, so it must be so jarring to hear that their family might be dead or something. :(

NOOOOOOOOOO TOOTS IS CANOTICAaly dead :(

Oh no jfk learned out the internet/tiktok

Frida and Harriet murder someone….surprise but not really….

JFK and there getting into an internet battle? :/ ok…do those “correct grammar in arguments” things really happen??? Like in real like?? It feel very specific……

Episode 3

“My boy toy jfk”

Seeing the gang having anxiety is interesting….Lind of gives them characterization…

I feel like this season is very Joan-centric while last was Abe-centric. Mmmm if there is a third season will it be focused on jfk? Or Cleo?

Topher has a emotional support possum :)

It’s neat to see Harriet fear/anxiety of being a “basic wine mom”. I like to think that she just has a fear of motherhood, or like, Amatonormativity.

Them beat the heck out of the monster while saying their fears is so cheesy. Then them saying “oh it’s (insert celebrity name here) from (xyz) is soooo scoops doo like. It’s also cheesy.

Doc….why do your nipple look so gross?

Ooohhh 👀 the clones that got taken are mind controlled 👀

Episode 4

Weird….zombies??? Goblin??? Things

I feel like the reason Joan feels odd this season is because she actually feels very passionate about stuff? Like off the top of my head the only times I remember seeing her very emotional was over Abe, not being allowed to play baseball, anything with Cleo, and the snowflake day. Like, all those time where of anger or yearning so seeing Joan happy/motivated is…..odd.

I still can’t get over Cleo voice. It sound so…high? I’ll why but I keep remembering Cleo old voice as lower?

Oh! I’m right! Her voice WAS lower, (watch a video complicated in Cleo and compare it to her new voice) :/

Ha. Cha cha smooth parody.

Oh sweet! Finally some cool stuff on how the old clones interact with the new one. Aka Joan lie and say the coffe is made from child labor and everyone believes it. Hmm very interesting take on stuff! Like ughhhh media criticism and cancel culture and stuff. Idk man I can’t explain it…

…….. awww we could had have a Joan and Cleo moment were they bond and stuff :(

Did Abe and Cleo ever breakup or are they still a couple?

Hehehe valley girl accent <3

:0 homesteader Cleo!!! Joan did a backflip….neat

:( I just realized I laugh more/chuckled more in season 1 than in season 2. So far the only time I laugh is when slow float about to hit Joan. :(

God I hate Confucius outfit. Dude why are you a triangle??? Why do you’re legs not match you’re top??? Harriet outfit is fine, still an eyesore color wise but fine.

YAY MR B AND JOAN!!!!! Love their friendship :)

YES!!! YES!!!! JOAN AND CLEO FRIENDSHIP???? Or at least no longer enemies!!! Whooo!!!!!!!!

Episode 5

10 years non union internship…..damn. 👀 hmmm would that be a good job? Like if the pay is good and manageable hours then 👀

*looking up clone high Harriet because I was curious why Harriet wants to distrance herself from her clone mom* *see that in season 1 there was already a Harriet* ???????? What….what happened to the original clone? Was she not frozen and she died and Doc was like “yeah likes remake a new Harriet clone lol”

Yay musical episode :)

Oh wow they are good singers, mostly Harriet and Frida

OMG PONCE’s DAD IS BACK yippie!!! :)

I’m like 99% sure that’s not how Footloose works. Wasn’t the dancing ban happen because of a drunk driver or something in the movie?

:( the husbands don’t get along anymore :( Mr b is so catty now

“Abe can’t sing, can’t dance…” i don’t think he even knows karate? I don’t think he’s going make it/lyrics

✨ white guy confidence✨ …………….don’t drink Abe sweat….

Harriet being a pushover/not wanting to speak up against her friend 👀 (also side note it seems like Frida and Harriet stop hang out? Or rather Joan and Harriet are closer friends then with Frida??)

Oh gross they actually drank Abe’s sweat….

Harriet likes her play! It’s different from Joan’s and that fine! Love that Harriet stood up for herself and wants to do her own thing

Oh hey Vincent van go! :) he spoke!!

The said fuck! Literally the first time it happen on the show!! :0

The quiche medphor is nice :)

…..these nerd didn’t try a second time? Also Cleo can dance! She did it with Ashley angel (no pun intended) and she dance at prom????

“Practice makes progress” :) wise words Frida!

Harriet is a good singer

Oh no is jfk and Harriet going to get together???

Ok I think Harriet may be my favorite new clone…

NoOOOOOOOOO NOT THE DINNER !!!!! :0 it’s burning!!!!! Nooooooooooo

[dballzposting]

Watching this over and over again in awe and deference

- Yajirobe with his arms crossed and foot up on the thing just tossing him the beans like hes the coolest man in the world.

- Why? I can't track his thinking. I cant parse his precise motivations. He wanted to look cool for the kid? He wanted to make sure that Goku got those beans? Does he care? Does he actually care? That's beautiful. Where does he get off siding with the side of good like that? Does he care about having friends? Is is just becasue Goku is a crazy and beautiful bastard? Hes gotta respect it when he sees it? What it probably is is that Yajirobe generally acts with conviction and he cuts through farces with his katana. Hes stone honest. And he knew that Gohan was gonna leave with those beans anyway. So might as well cut to the chase

- KORIN GOT ON HIS CASE IMMEDIATELY. And Yajirobe CUTS HIM OFF TO SAY: AND THIS IS REALLY WHAT HE SAYS: "I'm the Bean Daddy this time, Bean Daddy!" That was his best rebuttal. That's what he cut Korin off with. Why was that his best work? Why was that important to him or anyone?

- Did you catch that. He called Korin "Bean Daddy" as a direct address, after titling himself the Bean Daddy. Why is ANYONE the Bean Daddy ?!?!?!?! Oh he's just saying shit now! Is that what you do up there? You just say shit?

- Why is this important to him? Why does he need to be the Bean Daddy "this time"? Maybe because it gets boring up there and the only excitement is when you get to be the one to hand people beans? Why is it said like it's a real title that they should get to share the privileges of, and that this time, justice calls for Yajirobe to be the Bean Daddy? What are the rules on that?

- Well Yajirobe did water them.

- Korin like all hermits is such a nasty crazy bitch. Oh you just come BARGING IN HERE unannounced? And now you want senzu beans? Well what exactly did you bring for ME? <- he behaves in this manner to teach young warriors manners and honor. This approach has never worked on that possum Yajirobe however

- Yajirobe is like "Quit messing with him you were gonna give him the beans anyway!" becasue he has laser vision and he can see theough Korin's old hermit Bullshit and he knows Korin well and he knew that he was gonna give him the beans.

- THE WAY KORIN YELLS BACK ... "STOP... IT WAS- YOU SHUT UP." So sloppy so award-winning. Old wise hermit cat who is a crazy bitch tells Yajirobe to shut up on screen. Hes not too good to have a sloppy messy roommate whom he yells "SHUT UP" to

- Complete and utter dick move by Yajirobe to swipe Korin's one (1) bean and give that to Gohan too. Actually not a dick move at all but just a display of the golden chops he's had since his debut. And Gohan needs the bean more anyway.

- "Why on Earth do I let you live up here" "I dunno beats the heck out of me" DIALOGUE TO BE EXPECTED I SUPPOSE BUT... i mean we all know why why he lets him live up there right. It's becasue hes an old hermit cat and it's his duty to foster virtue and discourage evil and Yajirobe since day 1 has offered a unique challenge becasue hes not bad but hes not all too good either. And he has a fine heart and has behaved virtuously when needed, and that really counts for something. Korin just doesnt have it in him to dispel something that isnt truly evil from him home. Also I guess yajirobe licks him idk

- Why did any of this happen.

[my-darling-boy]

For anyone that wants to help me: I’m looking for more horror films to watch for the week! I’ve gone through lists for some fun cheap scares, but now I want something that’s actually more more style, I want something to genuinely get under my skin again, as much as I like horror healing like the Haunting of Bly and Marrowbone.

I’m into those creepy, obscure, supernatural liminal space/psychological type horror films. I’m not a big fan of sci-fi horror films. If it’s a blockbuster, I’ve probably already seen in it, so I don’t need to hear about the Ed and Lorraine Warren franchise or the Exorcist and so forth. And I really cannot do heavy gore/diease/slasher for personal reasons.

The kinds of films that I’m looking for, that I love, you can feel the unnerve sinking deep into your bones slowly but surely, sometimes you’re almost not really sure if you should be afraid or not, but there’s something about the vibe that makes you feel like you should be afraid, you feel like your safety or sense of reality is slowly being dismantled over the course of the film. It’s like a quiet horror that grows until it’s nothing but a blaring noise and then *cut*. I like ones with very little expalination on what goes on, well developed atmosphere, and bonus points for ultra creepy antagonists or happenings. If it makes any sense, I like my terror to stem from being unsettled and not from being scared.

Some examples of ones that fit what I’m talking about are Possum (this one is exactly it) but things done in the style of I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House or the Blackcoat’s Daughter and—even though I’d never watch it again—Eraserhead are also fitting.

[little-sweets-witch]

So, once upon a time, I was a brony. Horror icon cutie marks.

I specifically avoided bloody weapon cop-outs and tried to put thought and symbolism into it. Explanations under the cut

Jason Voorhees - Before becoming the iconic murderer we all know, Jason spent more than 20 years living on his own in the woods. So more than likely he would have a cutie mark in wilderness survival.

Michael Myers - While Michael started his bloody path at a young age, and is often called pure evil, I still tried to avoid a mark that would 100% pigeonhole him as "evil". Instead, I focused on his connection to Halloween, as you can't deny there's something about that day that keeps him coming back.

Freddy Krueger - Many ponies in the show have had the vague talent of magical prowess, always represented by some sort of star-related mark. I decided to take this route and used the Phoenix constellation. Because, y'know, fire.

Chucky - A completely random thing in Curse that never came up before and never did again is that Chucky apparently knows about flower symbolisms. So, I sought out a flower that would fit, and I found the wisteria, symbolic of immortality and obsession.

Tiffany Valentine - Just a simple heart with an arrow thru it. It could represent her undying love for Chucky, or perhaps just her deadly beauty.

Billy Loomis - A pounding heart with two possible meanings. At first glance, one might guess it represents him being a "heartthrob," always having someone pining for him. But once you figure out he's the killer, it takes on a meaning of one's heart racing in a tense situation. Essentially, his talent is manipulating people's emotions. Your heart is always beating quickly in his presence, whether out of love or fear.

Stu Macher - This one took me forever, but I finally cracked it thanks to @foxumb. A party horn, because that party he threw must have taken a lot of effort, and being a rich high school white boi, he probably throws parties like that often.

Norman Bates - He's good at taxidermying those birbs.

John Kramer - Prior to getting cancer and deciding that that was an excuse to start putting people in death traps and being pretentious about it, Jigsaw was a city planner. A compass is a great and convenient symbol for architectural... stuff.

Daniel Robitaille - Candyman, in his previous life, was an artist. Yeah... that's about it.

Bubba Sawyer - I doubt that a world dominated by horses would have a very thriving meat industry (although there are pig farms shown in the show… hmm), but butchery is a key aspect of the Sawyer family, so a simple meat cleaver will do.

Nubbins Sawyer - While he may not be particularly good at it, it's very obvious that Nubbins is passionate about his photography, so a camera seems about right.

Chop Top - He himself says that music is his life, but anyone who's listened to Cornbugs knows that he has a... unique style. Cracked record it is!

Drayton Sawyer - Best chilli in Texas

Martin Mathias - He a vampire

Vincent Sinclair - He a wax boi

Bo Sinclair - When you first see it, you think "Yeah, this guy knows cars. That's a car tool." But it isn't.

Lester Sinclair - Possum

Herbert West - Chemistry

Jennifer Check - IDK it just looks cool

Billy Lenz - Billy has a clear talent for mimicking voices, and of course the phone is just associated with him in general.

Brahms Heelshire - I don't know if he actually made the doll or the mask, but he does do a good job fixing it, so clay working tools!

Leslie Vernon - Just like Cozy Glow in the show, Leslie is a master of tactics, the one thing most associated with chess. Additionally, the black queen and white pawns represent just how much of an advantage he has on his innocent prey.

Jesse Cromeans - I haven't watched Laid to Rest but I know that he's very rich. I don't know if chrome comes in bars but shush.

Asa Emory - A trap expert and entomologist? What could it be but a spiderweb!

Carrie White - I honestly believe that she would spend most of the movie as a blank flank, until her big moment. The book includes a meteor shower as part of her rampage, so I used that.

Jack Torrence - Before getting possessed by a hotel, he was a writer.

Pennywise - It's Pennywise, did you expect something that wasn't a balloon?

Ash Williams - I feel like his mark would be eternally confusing for him for years. What the hell is this thing and what does it mean? Well, it's a symbol pulled right off of Ash's own page of the Necronomicon, spruced up with a bit of colour of course. It ends up looking like a pretty 80s-tastic logo, which might be what leads him to retail jobs until he figures out the whole "Chosen One" thing.

Axel Palmer/Harry Warden - Minecraft

[olivieblake]

I have gained so much weight this year and just been so sluggish and lazy since all I’ve been doing is staying at home. I can’t even look in the mirror without crying and judging myself holy shit. I tried fixing it but my weight just keeps going up and it sucks watching other girls get their body right while i feel sorry for myself. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other girls especially our bodies but this is so hard 😭

:( hi honey

so look, I think you and I both know there’s not a lot anyone can say to make you feel better. idk if you’re still under strict stay-at-home orders like I am, but I’m going to assume that a lot of the change in behaviors that led to this sense of inadequacy is pandemic-influenced and therefore your options are limited, either by your own ethics (good for you for staying home!) or by something outside of your control. and girl, I feel you

before quarantine started I was taking boxing and muay thai classes four times a week plus two days of additional cardio, all of which kept my body in relatively excellent shape and also gave my mind a constant outlet—stress relief, endorphins, a sense of accomplishment, all that jazz that I’ve now lost. what’s funny to me (aka hideously ironic) is that I probably still thought I could stand to lose 5 pounds back then, even though now I’d do basically anything to have that body back.

anyway I know that discouraged, defeated feeling of looking at yourself and not recognizing your body anymore, but truthfully, your body has had to change its shape to accommodate your changing mind. if you’re anything like me, it’s not an issue of laziness. it’s that my mind is so fucking fragile that the last time I went for a run and got catcalled in a way that made me feel unsafe—AND I came across 2 dead rats and a dead possum which is just coincidentally upsetting—I was too shaken to attempt it again without crying. mr blake has been kind enough to suggest we go for a walk every morning together, which is very helpful, but not the same as the kind of workouts I was getting before. I feel so much resentment about my body, but I also know that there’s only so hard I can push before I break. I am unwell, and particularly so right now—loss of self-worth is a common symptom of depression, and whether you’re accustomed to feeling that, you almost certainly are right now.

also, I know that feeling fat equates to being literally worth less in this world, but that is useless social programming. the world hates a woman who takes up more space than she ought to! how dare she eat to please herself? how dare she forgive herself for being less active when the male gaze gains nothing for her clemency? if she is not sexually desirable, what use does she have to us? are all questions that should really only go so far. if it’s a matter of eating poorly (like, literal vitamins), I think you can find a way to nourish yourself better. if it’s a matter of being less willing to spend your time pushing your body to its physical limits, can you really blame yourself for that? you are going through trauma in a time of extreme global anxiety. many have died. the world is mourning except for those who pointedly aren’t, and the systemic flaws we might have ignored a little longer are making us feel more disenfranchised and raw. I know I hate myself a little more each time I’m like oh fuck my fucking calves are being squeezed into these jeans, but seriously, what good does my hating myself do for anyone? 

it is an act of defiance to like yourself. it is revolutionary to decide that gaining weight cannot take your value from you. you were born with that value and it is yours, so don’t let anyone—especially you—rob you of your right to see yourself beyond what shape you take. 

2 additional facts:

comparison is the thief of joy

social media is a performance

it’s so easy to forget that people curate their lives in a very particular way on social media. it’s easy to look at women who are in “better” shape than you and think okay, I must be the only one drowning. and yes, some people are being “open” about this time, but can anyone truly share the reality of their personal experience? nobody can express what they’re really going through on the mass stage of social media, even if they try to tell you. they’re still speaking from the lens of their experience, not yours, and comparing yourself to them is unlikely to equate to the value of taking solace in genuine friendship, love, or support. what you need is real people, real relationships, and though I know that is especially hard right now, I also know for sure that social media will only exacerbate your sense of inadequacy and/or loneliness.

I will probably talk about this more on monday, since I don’t really want to talk for long but we probably all need some kind of pep talk (honestly, me most of all). anyway I know this probably isn’t enough to make you feel better for the next month, but maybe for the next hour? I think we’re in a place where we should just take those moments of relief when we can find them... 

[foxtophat]

MERRY CHRISTMAS IN JANUARY EVERYONE yeah i know ~nothing is fixed~ but whatever, fuck you, have some fanfic

so anyway i’ve been planning this for a while, i’m kinda shocked tho b/c i finished writing it in like less than 3 days??? (aside from editing)  usually it takes me longer to at least figure out how to wrap things up, but at least this one was easy money. i’m sure none of the other ones will be so kind to me

this one takes place a month or so after the last one; it’s set in spring 2028 (omfg finally on a new year!!!!) and it has a little something to do with carmina finally getting some chickens!!!!  one thing about new dawn that i think was really lacking is the explanation of how life... restarted before the highwaymen.  i definitely remember a few houses having chicken coops, too, so i know i’m not crazy putting these feathered friends in.  to me, chickens are the most sensible post-apocalyptic pet outside of a dog; easy to care for, provide food while alive AND after death, and they can reproduce easily enough if you’ve got a rooster on hand.  i can imagine a family making quite a life for themselves as a poultry farm in the apocalypse!

ugh idk what else to say so i’ll just say it: thank you so much for all of your comments and kudos on this series. i am so stoked to know that my self-indulgent trash is delicious to more than just my possum ass!  i’ve had a lot of fun worldbuilding in ubisoft’s playground, and i hope to continue doing more fun stuff that other people will enjoy too!!!

with all that said, i hope you enjoy the fic :) i’ll put it below the cut for you if you don’t wanna leave tumblr, but ao3 looks so much better. anyway, thank you and have a great jan 20th!!!!

Winter melts away the same way it does every year, leaving in its path wet dirt and green buds of spring growth. John, nursing what's likely the last cup of coffee they can wring from this batch of grounds, stares out over the back yard and idly marvels at how quickly the snow had disappeared. Montana had been his first experience with white winters; even though he's gotten used to the changing seasons in theory, though, he can't help but be distracted by it year after year.

Across the yard, situated just in sight by the hangar, John can plainly see Carmina's new chickens looking for breakfast. They're the newest addition to the homestead, but so far John has only had to watch from afar as the Ryes worked to adjust them to their new home. He's not sure who's raising chickens out here, but at least they were willing to barter. Fresh eggs are going to mean a lot more than the dwindling supplies out of Jacob's cache.

The misty-gray of early morning has almost evaporated in the rising sunlight, and still the chickens haven't been fed. John watches them from where he stands, their frustration leading to subdued crows as they scratch at the dirt. He doesn't know who's noisier — them, or Nick and Kim arguing at the table behind him. Thank Christ the wet end of winter is over; John doesn't think he can tolerate much more of their married nagging. On some level, he's glad they don't make a habit of yelling at him instead of each other, but Jesus, he can't wait for them to both get some space from one another.

"This is why we said we weren't gonna do pets, remember?" Nick says. "Because if she got a pet, we would end up taking care of it. Remember?"

"Yes, Nick, I remember."

"Yeah, and here we are!"

Kim sighs. John doesn't have to look to see the exasperated eye-roll that comes with it. "It wasn't me who kept her up late last night! Which one of us was egging her on when she should have been asleep?"

This is exactly why John has never owned a pet. They're more trouble than they're worth, and the only thing they seem to be good for is teaching shitty life lessons to kids who don't care enough to learn. The only good thing about the chickens is that they provide something in return other than obnoxious crowing.

Carmina thumps around upstairs. John isn't looking forward to having to listen to Kim lecture her on responsibility, but he's not thrilled to listen to much more of this bickering, either. If his choices are to stay inside and fester or go out into the first nice day of the year — well, that's not much of a choice, is it?

"Fine," John sighs before either of the Ryes can set their sights on him, "I'll do it."

"Nobody's asking you to do it," Kim replies. "It's Carmina's responsibility."

John shakes his head. "Of course it is. Where's the feed?"

Nick points out a white plastic container sitting on the pass-through to the kitchen. "Not gonna wait for us to boss you around?" he asks.

John picks up the container and rattles it to make sure it's full. "I'm streamlining the process," he replies. "Unless you enjoy giving me orders."

Sure enough, implying Nick might like being a bossy piece of shit is enough to get him to shut up. He sighs with a deep frown at John, who ignores him as he heads out to the coop. It's a petty satisfaction to take the rug out from under Nick's feet, but John's not above it. Not by a long shot.

Some of it might be compensating for the disintegrating peace that had come with winter. Before the blizzard set in, they'd had enough on their collective plates as they prepared for the worst of the season. Afterward, the snow had prevented them from doing much more than what was necessary to survive, and the resulting downtime had settled like a comfortable blanket. Even now, with a few weeks of grating interpersonal interactions, John feels more focused, more rested than he can ever remember feeling. Living underground for eight years, he'd naively thought that he'd gotten enough rest to last him a lifetime — but he'd been strung out on Bliss and trying not to suffocate, and he hadn't known what he was doing. He's starting to suspect that the Bliss might've had a worse effect on him than the myriad other drugs he'd ingested. Hell, he's not sure he's clean even now — but he's managing, and that's what matters.

It's only once he's halfway across the yard that John realizes Kim forgot to argue about him going off on his own. Sure, he's only going as far as the hangar, but it's become something of a pleasantry she uses whenever John pretends to have the freedom to go where he pleases. Her irritation at Carmina and Nick probably made her forget. She's gotten so used to trusting John that she's finally found other things to take up her attention.

Weirdly enough, the casual disregard for his potential backslide irritates him. It really shouldn't. He should be thrilled that he can finally disappear from view for an hour without somebody calling out a search party. He's more than earned it, he thinks, but their trust highlights their naivety. Luckily for them, John means it when he says he's changed — but it's a line they're going to hear time and again from people far less genuine than he's been. They're so willing to help everyone and anyone that they don't even realize how much of a target they're making themselves. John's had to hold his tongue whenever Nick gives free supplies to shifty-eyed tweakers who are "just passing through," and while he trusts Kim not to let anyone obviously suspicious into the house, he doesn't trust her to recognize a cunning liar.

The last thing John needs is for the Ryes to put their trust in the wrong reformed psychopath. At least he's capable of picking up their slack. After all, John has his time at law school and years of psychological abuse under his belt — plenty of real-world experience dealing with unrepentant garbage. He'll notice it when somebody cases the hangar or acts too erratically, and hopefully the Ryes will listen to him if he gets the nerve to voice his concerns.

Not for the first time since summer, John is struck with a newfound respect for Jacob and the role he'd inhabited in the Project. It used to be his job to look out for insurrectionists, and he'd taken on that burden even when John and Joseph would openly dismiss his concerns. John can't imagine how many fires Jacob must've put out while the rest of the family was distracted by the Bliss. Looking back on it now, it's honestly a surprise they maintained their operation as long as they did, considering only one of the four of them was ever sober.

The chickens are hopping at his arrival, scuttling around the dirt and crowing as John reaches the pen. They don't notice him so much as the bin he rattles on approach, full of vegetable cuttings and strange white worms that come out whenever it rains. John doesn't mind one lick — he's never been much of an animal person, and he certainly doesn't care if Carmina's so-called pets notice his existence. Of course, knowing Carmina, she's going to use this as an excuse to shift breakfast duty to John full-time, and John won't have much of a say in the matter.

Well, that's not strictly true, but if Carmina asked, he knows he would do it, if only to give his day more structure. Truthfully, he's grown to depend on routine, when before it was impossible to keep to a schedule that didn't involve other people's expectations of him. There's probably a metaphor to be made about trains on and off the tracks, but John has never been particularly interested in locomotives.

John shakes the dead bugs and scraps out into the pen, watching the hens as they race to be the first to eat. They're perfectly happy now that they've been fed, cooing and clucking as they peck the dirt. They certainly seem content with safety and food — not entirely unlike the survivors living day-to-day in the town and beyond. Sure, John might not always be satisfied by bare sustenance, and one day he'll chafe under the grind of surviving week to week, but for now, he might as well be a dumb chicken crowing in the morning sun.

He throws some more feed into the pen, watching the three hens waddle after their meal. One of them lingers by the fence, freezing for a moment as her head swivels back and forth. She pecks at the dirt away from the feed before hustling after her two companions. John watches as she stops again; when he tosses a few worms in her direction, she pecks briefly at them before lifting her head to survey her surroundings.

The primal sensation of something being wrong nearly overtakes John's reasoning, before he manages to remind himself that a chicken's predators aren't exactly his to worry about. Still, he rattles the container to bring the hens scuttling towards him; all three are easily distracted by food now, but John can't shake the feeling that he'd missed something they hadn't. A fox, maybe? A snake? Anything could be lurking in the woods on the other side of the wash. Not a whole lot that could hurt him , of course, but he's not about to be blamed for Carmina's chickens being eaten by a wild dog.

The fence-line is... nebulous past the hangar, sure, but John's positive Kim doesn't consider the rest of the old airport off-limits. Then again, she might be in the mood to lecture him once she gets through with Carmina. It's a risk he's not sure he's willing to take.

Two chickens continue to eat as one keeps watch, their heads bobbing up and down as they switch off. Their unease mirrors his own, and John can imagine Faith giggling at him for being swayed by some dumb birds.

"Very well, ladies," he sighs, shaking the remainder of their breakfast onto the ground. "Don't let them say I don't care."

The chickens don't give three shits about John's motivations, of course; they watch him go, pecking at the food with increasing carelessness as the distance grows. John rolls his eyes at their sudden fearlessness, half-convinced to let whatever animal is lurking eat them out of spite.

There's a wide swath of dirt behind the hangar, separating it from the mostly-overgrown remnants of Rye Aviation that couldn't be saved. John can see the edge of the chicken pen from here, but the hangar is blocking him from the house. Even though he knows the Ryes trust him not to run off, he still feels distinctly uneasy going somewhere where they can't see him. At this point, Nick would probably only tease him for it, but John's not about to linger out here and risk turning Kim's irritation on himself.

To the right of the derelict hangars is a sparse wedge of trees that have grown in uninterrupted. John knows there's a path cut between the trunks, one he'd made himself while hauling the tire-planters for Kim last year, and there's a long stretch of unused runway beyond it. It isn't a great place for anything bigger than a fox to lurk in. That doesn't explain the feeling of being watched that comes over him as he stops halfway across the empty dirt lot; he looks around, but there's no place for anything to hide out here. The overgrowth on the old hangars can't be more than two feet high, and the bushes in the copse are brambly and sparse. The only place anything could hide would be in the trees, which is why John approaches them with more caution than they're worth.

The thinned underbrush is easy to explore, but John goes carefully as he picks through the trees and bushes. He doesn't know exactly what he's looking for — some sign of predators, whatever those might be — but he doesn't find much. There are some hoof-prints clear in the dirt, curving sharply away from the Rye homestead and back out to the airstrip, which tells John that the goddamn deer are back, probably looking to eat their hard-grown crops. Other than that, there's no sign of anything that might be stalking the hen-house. The ground is still somewhat soft from the rain a few nights ago, but it barely takes the imprint of John's boots as he explores the small grove.

That's why it's such a shock to see the tread of a narrow boot in the dirt by the trunk of one of the trees, well off the beaten path. It's an old print, he thinks — but he doesn't remember the last time any one of them had been out this way. Certainly not since the last time it rained.

An electric shock conducts itself down his spine. Somebody had been out here, hiding here in the trees, and it's only been two, three days since the last rain. John turns, and from his vantage point, he can clearly see the coop and the back of the hangar, but not the house. For that, he'd have to move out of the trees, into direct view of the porch.

It has to be Grace's boot. She's the only one he could imagine creeping around the property with good intentions. But even that explanation doesn't settle the anxious flip of his stomach; he tries not to let it show as he marches from the trees, intent on dragging Nick over and proving to him once and for all that they need to be more goddamn careful about who they let around the property. Somebody is going to want the copper fixtures they've salvaged, even if there's nobody to sell the metal to these days.

John gets halfway back to the coop when he catches something in his peripheral vision. Terrible, primal terror grips him as he fixes his gaze on the trick of the light that had scared him, ready to catch Grace peering at him over the abandoned hangars, or maybe a pack of wild dogs. What he sees instead turns his blood to ice, caught like a deer in headlights as the low-hanging shrubbery and thick vines shift and part for a rising mass of dark brown fur. The shape that rises from the underbrush is a tall, dark smudge against the blue sky, and John nearly swallows his tongue when he sees its face — or the horrifying absence of one, replaced with white, flaking skin and two huge, empty eye-sockets that are fixed on John's position.

It doesn't move. Neither does John, frozen to the spot as the chickens begin to crow and fuss. He can't fathom what he's looking at — a bear, a person, a fucking mutant? — but whatever it is, he suspects it's infected with Bliss. Who knows how many angels ended up underground after the Collapse? What might've happened to them in the years since? All John knows about them is that they're dangerous to everybody but Faith, and Faith died a decade ago. If this is an angel — God, there'll be no stopping it. And if it isn't — then what the hell is it ?

There's no way for John to get from here to the house without the thing chasing him. The hangar is blocking his brutal oncoming murder from the two people who might actually be able to do something about it. He doesn't have to look to know the distance from here to the house is insurmountable.

The creature lifts its arm, and the situation that couldn't get any worse takes an even more horrifying turn as it reveals its weapon of choice: a crudely fashioned bow, the same kind of handmade weaponry that Joseph's followers have been seen with.

All at once, Nick's voice is ringing in John's ears, warning him of what's going to happen if this gargoyle takes him away. The things John hadn't considered before — the Ryes' reputation, Carmina's safety, the hard-won trust John's gained from the survivors — it's all in jeopardy. The situation barrels into him all at once — the realization that whatever Joseph did to create this thing , he won't hesitate to turn on John.

He tries to shout a warning, but his breath is caught in his throat. Faith's voice, faint on the breeze, laughs and whispers sing-song into his ear:

They've found you!

The monster barrels down the slope of the hill as if prodded into action by a hot poker. Its gait is wide, bringing it towards John at speeds impossible to outrun. This time, John's shout comes out clear as a bell, panic screaming through him as he turns and bolts for the house. He nearly clips himself on the pen as he hangs a sharp right turn, the porch coming into full sight —

Something snags the back of John's shirt, and his momentum briefly chokes him. A thick arm bears down across his neck before he can rip free, the creature grunting in exertion as it yanks him backward. John feels his boots scrape on the dirt as he's dragged towards the trees, away from the safety that's plain in sight.

Animal instinct kicks in. John gnashes his teeth but there's nothing to bite, so he kicks out his feet instead, first in front of him and then harshly backward until he can hook his shin behind his assailant's and trip them both to the ground. The creature goes down with a surprised grunt; John does his best to roll away, only to be yanked back by his hair. He's distantly aware that he's spitting like a cat in a sack, clawing and biting, the two of them rolling in the dirt as John screams profanities and heresy at the monster trying to pin him down, anything to convince the universe to take mercy on him for once in his fucking life!

The creature manages to grab him by the shoulder, throwing him into the dirt before backhanding him violently across the face. It's enough to daze him; for one horrible second, he's unable to do anything as the monster begins to drag him across the dirt by the legs.

There's a commotion coming from the house. For a split second, the creature looks up, and John realizes his opening at the same time the monster realizes its mistake. It looks down just in time for John to kick it square in its barky, hollow-eyed face, sending a split down the wooden facade.

" John !"

The monster reels backward as if burned, grabbing at the mask as it falls away. John catches sight of a single dark, wild eye behind the broken wood before he kicks out again, sending both boots into his assailant's chest. As soon as the creature staggers back, John bolts, scrambling towards Kim as she races toward him with the rifle drawn. Nick is hot behind her; he grabs John's shoulder and drags him partway back to the house. John doesn't need the escort, and so Nick quickly leaves him to scramble up the porch as he goes after his wife.

John gets all the way to the stairs inside before he realizes there's no safe place to hide. He'd found out this winter just how flimsy the prisoner story had been; if somebody wants to take him, all they have to do is climb onto the roof and jimmy the lock on the nearest window. Whether it's through the broken window in his room or a gap in the roof leading to the attic, the Project will find him. He can't possibly outrun them forever. He'd be stupid to even try. God, he'd been a fool for thinking Joseph wouldn't send someone looking for him, that he wouldn't want to snatch John back from the clutches of apostasy. There's no way Joseph will leave a loose end like him untied.

John sinks to the bottom steps in his mounting despair, only to realize for a second time that he's being watched. The realization is less of a shock as Carmina peers at him around the kitchen archway; she jumps at the distant rapport of gunfire, staring owl-eyed at John as though she expects him to do something.

"Stay down," John hisses, setting an example as he keeps low on his way into the kitchen.

"What happened?" Carmina asks, frantic, "Is mom gonna be okay?"

"Yes," John replies, although he can't possibly know that for sure. He waits a beat, listening for more gunshots, then carefully lifts his head to check out the window when none come. He lets out the breath he'd been holding when he sees Nick standing with his hands on his hips, staring at Kim further down the yard. Whatever the danger had been, it's not pressing enough to warrant immediate action.

"Seriously," Carmina whines, as if that could hide her fear. "What was it? Was it a bear? Grace says there are bears in the woods but I've never seen —"

John sinks to the ground, his mind reeling even as the panic passes, leaving him numb. "It wasn't a bear."

Carmina chews on her lower lip, looking up towards the window as though she might try looking for herself. "Are the chickens okay?" she asks.

"They're fine," he sighs. He pushes his hair from his face, only to realize that his hands have started to tremble with run-off adrenaline.

"Are... you okay?" she asks, frowning as though she can't decide whether or not his wellbeing is her problem to deal with.

Goodwill must be genetic, John laments. "I'm fine," he tells her. She gives his shaking hands a hard look; he sighs and reiterates, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I'm not," Carmina huffs. Apparently, Nick's attempts to teach Carmina how to bluff haven't worked out.

John is saved from needing to reassure her as Nick abruptly appears in the kitchen arch, out of breath and red-faced. His shock gives way to relief at the sight of the two of them huddled by the counter. He's out of breath and visibly bewildered.

"Shit, John, you okay?"

"I'm fine," he says, although he doubts Nick will believe it any more than Carmina had. His foot jogs uselessly against the floor. "Kim — did she...?"

Nick shakes his head. "She tried," he says, "But it was too fast. What the fuck was it ?"

"Somebody from the Project."

"No shit. But — look, it wasn't an angel , was it?"

John shakes his head. "I don't know."

Kim storms into view, making her way to the pass-through from the living room side. She sets the rifle down on the counter, catching John's eye with a glare. John hurries to explain himself, as if he could possibly apologize for bringing the cult back to her doorstep.

"I was checking for foxes," he tells her, "I didn't think it — if I'd known what it was, I wouldn't have gone on my own."

Despite the fury in her eyes and the hard edge to her voice, Kim seems to mean it when she replies, "As long as nobody's hurt."

But the damage is done, and John can't help but babble on uselessly. "I wasn't looking in the right place. But I shouted as soon as I saw it. I just — couldn't outrun it. I wasn't fast enough. And I wasn't — it was stronger than I expected, stronger than..." Even he can hear the panic edging into his voice, cutting himself off with one last worried question. "Do you think it's gone?"

"It better be, if it knows what's good for it," Kim replies. "Are you sure you're okay?"

At any other time, John would be irritated to have to reassure every single Rye individually that he isn't in the throes of a panic attack. Right now, he's only grateful to realize that Kim doesn't blame him for the thing's appearance.

"I am," he says. "Thank you."

Nick groans, covering his eyes with one hand as he leans against the counter. "So much for it being safe to go out alone. Damn it, we got too comfortable."

" I got too comfortable," John says. "It wouldn't have cared about either of you."

"What about the chickens?" Carmina asks, "Are they safe there?"

Kim crosses her arms. "What I want to know is what the hell the Project is doing out here."

Her question is the only one John has any insight into, although he doesn't know how realistic his theory is. "They might be hunting deer," he says. "The only thing I saw, other than — than that , were deer tracks."

"All the way out here?" Kim asks skeptically.

"The hunting can't be any good in that swamp they're hiding in," Nick points out, frowning as he considers the idea. "And there are more survivors around the river these days. I'd bet that'd make for slim pickings."

"I doubt we'd even know they come out this far if I hadn't been the one out there. At least we've confirmed they're actively searching for resources beyond their compound — and they're relying on traditional methods to do so. Most likely because the armory was destroyed."

"Thank God for the Deputy," Nick sighs. "Okay. We're just gonna have to... I dunno, be willing to shoot, I guess." He doesn't sound so sure about it, and he quickly softens the intention. "At least a couple more warning shots. Once they remember guns outstrip arrows every way but sustainability, they'll probably keep back."

"We can push the fence-line out, too," Kim says. "It won't necessarily stop them, but at least it'll give them a line to cross. They're not cavemen — they remember property laws and how those get enforced around here."

"We'll have to start checking the traps more often. They might be living like bloodthirsty Mennonites right now, but that doesn't mean they aren't willing to steal to survive."

"They'll justify it one way or another," John sighs.

"So I guess we don't have to move the chickens after all," Nick says, "So long as we establish a perimeter. Sound good, Carmina?"

Carmina must have slipped out at some point during the conversation because she's nowhere to be found in the kitchen. Nick glances over John's head and out the window, swearing loudly.

"What the hell is she doing out there?"

John gets to his feet as Nick and Kim take off. He watches them through the window as they chase after Carmina, who's stopped to look around partway towards the coop. Either she's dumber than she seems, or she's inherited both of her parents' reckless streaks. Either way, she's going to leave herself open the same way John had. She's too confident that nobody wants to hurt her. The only way John knows how to teach that lesson, though, is not one that Kim or Nick would approve of — and so he sidelines his worries in favor of sticking with whoever is more armed than he is.

By the time John comes outside, Kim is knee-deep in the middle of a heated lecture about safety and responsibility. Carmina scowls at her feet, her face turning red as she's scolded. John ignores them, passing them by in favor of catching up with Nick, who's come to a stop a few yards past the coop. He's staring out into the unoccupied land — land that used to be his property, once. Now Nick is as much a stranger here as John is.

"Check it out," Nick says, holding out a thin, white-barked piece of wood. John takes it and recognizes it immediately as part of the mask he'd broken in two. The hole for the eye is a roughly cut gouge in the soft wood, and the bark flakes as he wipes his thumb across it.

"I hadn't even considered a mask," John admits. "I thought it was a monster."

"You and me both," Nick replies. He heaves a sigh. "Still waiting for the mutants to crawl out of the sewers, I guess. But I think we can handle a couple of jackasses with arrows."

John squints across the clearing, as if maybe his assailant has hung around waiting for them to reappear. "Next time, it might be Joseph," he points out grimly. "That hunter recognized me immediately. They'll tell him I'm here, and he'll want to find me."

"Come on. Like Joseph's gonna risk crossing enemy territory on foot. I'd be more worried about those goddamn hunting parties you used to send out."

John unconsciously reaches up to rub his throat. "Yeah," he says. "You're right. One of them clearly wasn't enough, but if Joseph decides I'm worthwhile, they'll come as a pack. If he's still manufacturing Bliss somehow, it would be easy to subdue me. And then..."

He's surprised out of his would-be reverie as Nick slaps his shoulder with a heavy hand. "We're not gonna let that happen," he says. "As long as you put up the same fight you did today, Kim and I are gonna come running."

Despite the reality of hidden archers and surprise ambushes, John allows himself to be reassured by the sentiment. At the very least, he pretends for Nick's sake. "I suppose you two were quick to the rescue," he drawls. "But if they get me to the tree-line, I'd rather you just put me down before I get dragged all the way back to the compound."

Nick chuckles. "We'll try to avoid that for now."

Looking over his shoulder, John catches Kim crouched down in front of Carmina, hands on her shoulders. Whatever she's saying, it's too quiet for John to hear, but Carmina's sniffles are a loud precursor to a lot of tears.

"I guess she believed you when you said the Project wouldn't care about us," Nick sighs. "At this rate, we're gonna have to put a bell on her."

"I could tell her about the child soldiers from the summer camp, if that would prove the gravity of the situation."

Just the mention of it makes Nick look a little queasy, and John immediately regrets bringing it up. "I don't want to scare her that badly," Nick says. "She's a good kid, she means well. She just needs to stop going off half-cocked, is all." He rubs his hand across his forehead and complains, "I thought we taught her to be smarter than this."

"She's still your kid," John says. Nick gives him a sour look, but it's the truth no matter how bitter Nick might feel about it. "You can't expect her to be utterly obedient, given her genetics."

"I guess ." He sighs, shaking his head. "At any rate, it's time we stop sugar-coating the cult for her benefit. She's obviously not taking it seriously."

John looks again and sees Kim embracing Carmina tightly. He can't help but worry about what might happen if the hunters come back. When he'd been with the Project, he'd understood Joseph's motivations — at least superficially — but now he's completely in the dark. They used to fill their ranks with abducted children and their desperate parents. He has no idea if Joseph is in a position to expand his flock, but if he is... John does not doubt that they'll start with the young and impressionable. Carmina, being young but not as impressionable as they'd like, probably wouldn't make it back to the compound before she got herself killed. He can't imagine anyone having enough patience to break her.

"You... uh, think we should be worried?" Nick asks after a brief stretch of silence.

"Not yet," John replies grimly. After all, the Ryes have a bargaining chip like no other, in case their daughter is ever taken. John can see to it that she's left alone, but it will only work once — and after that, who knows which brother will be sending hunters after her.

"Good thing we got ourselves a couple of extra guns," Nick says. "You and her are gonna have to start carrying pretty much everywhere."

"I'm sure people will love that."

"Fuck people, man, did you see the size of that fucking guy?"

John can't help a wry smile. "They weren't so big. If I were a couple of years younger, I would have taken them."

"Yeah, sure. "

The lecture must be over with for now, as Carmina's attention has turned back to her chickens. Kim watches her from a distance; John can't read her expression from here, but her posture is tense and defensive. John can't blame her — he doesn't have a parental bone in his body, but the stress of raising a child in these conditions isn't lost on him. Trying to instill a sense of fear into somebody who lived their formative years without a threat in sight can't be easy. Doubly so, considering Carmina can no doubt outgun the rudimentary weaponry the Project is utilizing. Hell, maybe they really are only a threat to him. Maybe it doesn't matter if Carmina sneaks out of the house.

"She won't leave unnoticed again," John decides, because it's the only promise he can genuinely keep.

"Oh yeah? You're gonna eat those words when she's a teenager."

"I'd hope she would be smart enough to bring back up by then."

"Me too." Nick exhales loudly enough to get Kim's attention, stretching one arm over his chest, then the other. "Well, I guess we better get started if we want to have anything to show for it by nightfall."

Even so, it takes Nick another moment before he brings himself to move. John lingers behind, unable to help himself as he eyes the trees distrustfully. There's nothing saying that hunter isn't still out there, watching them from a safe distance. If Jacob had a hand in training them, it's unlikely that John will ever see them coming again. He's likely lost the one chance at a level playing field, and he hadn't even realized it was something he could lose.

Fuck it. It doesn't matter. John has adapted time and again to every disaster in his life, and there's something to be said for the person who he's become. If this is the next catastrophe that he'll have to weather, then so be it. If he isn't capable of dealing with Joseph by now, then it's likely he never will be — and if that turns out to be the case, he can only hope that Kim is as quick on the trigger as she seemed to be today.

[terribleben10opinions]

How I would’ve balanced the aliens in Alien Force (Part 1)

The FOOLS at Cartoon Network never thought to consult ME THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE when designing Ben’s new roster of aliens and I think they made them a touch too capable. Having overpowered aliens really isn’t a problem, the threats are bigger this series so it makes sense to boost up Ben’s abilities but I think in doing so they made Ben not have to out think his problems as much and allowed him to just smash. Example, if in the OG series Ben had to fight a big guy probs Fourarms or Diamondhead is the best choice but if he gets Ripjaws he seems screwed BUT he’ll usually figure a way around it, maybe move the battle to water, maybe play possum then vore him IDK. In Alien Force though, if Ben is fighting a big guy I can’t really think of scenario where turning into one alien is much of an advantage over another (in the first original roster, they remedied this a bit in the  second and 3rd seasons). So today in another time wasting exercise I’m going to go through AF’s original 10 aliens and put in changes to make them (in my opinion) a bit more balanced to possibly make the show more interesting.

1. Big Chill

Current power set:

1. Ice breath and beams

2. Flight

3. Intangibility

4. Invulnerability to heat and cold in extreme

Revised power set:

1. Ice breath

2. Flight

3. Invulnerability to extreme cold 

Revised weakness set:

1. Blinded by lights

2. Weakness to heat/sunlight

Big Chill is p obvious an homage to the mothman and I like that, I think sticking with just “cold big bug man” is good enough, in adding intangibility to the mix it makes Ben able to escape any fight relatively easy and I think it would be cooler if Big Chill was a glass cannon type. I know it’s a cliche but the heat weakness makes it so Ben’s alien who can solve problems like fires or maybe explosions also have to be careful in those situations, I also added the sunlight thing to make it so every time he smacks the watch during the day there’s a chance he has a weak alien and has to do the nick cage ghost rider thing of crawling into the shadows to use his abilities best. 

2. Echo Echo

Current power set:

1. Sonic screams

2. Near infinite duplication with no hive mind (one dies? No worries m8)

Revised power set:

1. Sonic screams

2. Near infinite duplication with no hive mind EXCEPT each echo echo can split once and each one after that gets smaller, weaker and dumber

Okay we all saw the Jim Carrey Grinch movie and low key wanted to eat a glass bottle after it, so we also know how an echo works: diminishing results. I think having one or 2 full sized echo echos have to command and army of weaker tiny idiot echo echos would be really fun, like maybe there's a rly small vent so Ben has to multiple like 8 times to this thing is basically a 3 year old who’s the size of a beer can and can maybe bust down a wooden door or maybe all hope is lost, Vilgax is about to win a battle but a very smol very determined echo echo BLASTS in whatever the closest thing Vilgax has to an ear and the battle is won. I don’t exactly know how weak the echo echos should get per each split  because tiny morons with destruction powers is funny. One thing that also might be cute is the intelligence thing is also based on Ben so they’ll go around blabbing his secrets or trying to eat mr.smoothie signs. I just like the idea of Ben Gwen and Kevin picking up like 20 baby echo echos and Ben being like “ur my babies and I’d kill for you but I swear to GOD if you tell them about my real doll dressed like Xylene I will KILL YOU”.

3. Goop

Current power set

1. Gooey body = indestructible 

2. Can be adhesive, acidic or none

3. Super strength

Revised power set

1. Indestructable to an extent

2. Adhesive, acidic or none

Goop is a good boy, just the super strength I think makes him OP. I’m TOTALLY open to him being able to stick like a brick to himself and use it to punch people like that but I think a pile of goo held only together with a spaceship shouldn’t have super or really any strength. Maybe also once Ben learns this he stops making fingers with Goop because they really can’t do anything. I’d also just want him to be easier to separate and then get weaker because of it. Maybe theres an episode were a piece of Goop get’s left behind and it grows into a goop Ben because it think it’s him or Ben loses a finger in human form. Again over all fine though, he's a cute boy.

[possumae]

oh shit i totally forgot to do this

Answer 20 and tag 20 you want to know better

tagged by @ammewnition IM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO DO THIS FSDFDS

Name: Olive Langevin Nickname: don’t really have one but i like to go by Olivia in games to ensure ppl know its a girl bc it has the double positive of making dudes aware a girl is playing the game (which either ticks them off lol or makes them behave) and lets any other girls playing know that they aren’t alone Gender: Woman Orientation: lesbian Nationality: Canadian Faith/Religion: none Hobbies: photography/photo editing, games, loving my gf, talking - that’s kind of a joke but i really spend a lot of time just talking w people abt anything Pets: 1 bastard cat and 1 big baby dog  Favourite color: take a wild guess. take a wild guess what olive’s favourite colour is. yea. its purple Favourite holiday: christmas bc its the longest break from everything and you get gifts so. ideal. Books: i cant read Movies: Scott Pilgrim vs The World is my favourite movie and i honestly love all of Edgar Wright’s movies. i also really enjoyed Blade Runner 2049 last year, that movie really stood out to me and i need to watch it through again sometime.  TV shows: i really dont watch much tv, last tv show i watched was the second season of Luke Cage, might watch through Adventure Time once pirate bay is back up and i can just dl the seasons. dont feel like listing all the animes i’ve consider faves but il mention im currently rewatching HxH and keeping up w BNHA  Music: hhh everything? everything. here this is a playlist that pretty much covers the variety of shit i listen to: https://open.spotify.com/user/kidcoolio/playlist/2kLI8jfhvKSY8iAD3Fzvju?si=Fbirk_ltRM6u20eL0TWuig Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: depends on mood but hot chocolate is easily the best. tea sometimes just literally tastes like slightly flavoured water and coffee is like. always bad. theres a reason you blast it with sugar and cream to bear it or drink it long enough you force yourself to adjust to its bad taste Favourite meme: no I want to live enough to: idk, feel content with all that i’ve done Weird obsession: possums i don’t know why but i fucking love these trash mammals with all my heart and soul. Random facts: i really struggle with math, im butch, my wardrobe is primarily dark tones or monochrome, i wear boots 90% of the time im outside, i’ve worn my double venus necklace every day of uni so far and i intend to keep that up unless the necklace doesnt look good with my outfit. uh also my major is psych because i am constantly interested in the “why” of things and I have a strong desire to help others. Goals for 2018: Start making enough money to start saving again I tag: i really cannot be bothered to go through and tag a bunch of people im sorry. im tired 

[sneef-to-a-snorf-fight]

Just finished Night in the Woods. Feel like I need to think about stuff and it’s easier to think when I’m writing.

So firstly, I watched playthroughs of this game years ago. I noticed some similarities with me and Mae, my hometown and Possum Springs. Last year, I noticed there were more and more similarities. Mae and I dropped out of college because of mental health. Some dissociative issues. Unreality, Depression. (Also, like, queer and nonbinary... I think someone said she was nonbinary? Idk) Our towns are similar in a scary amount of ways. Oh I should say spoilers just in case.

Luckily, there’s no death cult in my town... that I know of. Sadly, there are a lot of other aftereffects of having a ton of jobs lost. No more mine. No more paper mill. Just a coffee shop, a gas station, a few funeral homes and churches. That’s about it. Not even a grocery store. Gotta drive about 45 minutes for groceries.

Anyway, glad I don’t live there anymore. I haven’t even started on what I wanted to think about. So one thing was that, like, I’m a completionist when it comes to games, so I talked to everyone at every opportunity. It was great. It makes me want to try to talk to everyone I see irl. It won’t work out though. Most people will think I’m weird. Maybe in college, though. I won’t talk to everyone, but a lot of people. It’ll help my anxiety, I’ll make more friends, and I’ll get better at conversations. I’ll get better at people. Cool.

Alright, next up is a big one. An amalgam if you will. It’s just a mix of issues with capitalism, mental illness, and fear of change or growing up. I don’t get a job because I’m anxious. Scared to talk to people. Scared that I’ll have to tone down my style. Go without nail polish. Go by he/him 24/7 on the clock. Scared I’ll get tired too quickly. Not be able to be on my feet for hours, no break, no escapism. But I think it’s also because I don’t want to grow up. I’m living with my mom. She buys food, pays rent. I’m basically still a teenager. No taxes, job, nothing. It’s so nice. I want to hold on to it as long as I can, but that’s bad. She’s used to supporting my financially. Has been for 19 years. But it’s time to grow up. 

I sorta have grown up, though. I lived on my own for 7 months. I’ve gone to college. But I guess it doesn’t count. At least Mom didn’t pay my rent. It was government money. But now she’s paying for college, and it almost killed her I think. She needed a root canal and because she had to pay for college, she couldn’t pay for it, so she didn’t have it. But now her tooth pain has been unbearable the past week. The antibiotics aren’t working. The doctors keep trying different antibiotics and different pain meds. The pain spread to her ear, though. She finally took out a loan and she’s getting the root canal tomorrow.

So I should get a job at college. Pay at least some of the bill. The government money is almost gone. Let’s face it, my Excelsior appeal is probably gonna get denied because, hey, fuck me for being mentally ill, right? Fuckin capitalism. I think I’ve put off thinking about getting a job for awhile because I’ve been too busy just blaming capitalism. I mean yeah, capitalism sucks and it’s fucking me and pretty much everyone, but just hating capitalism isn’t gonna fix anything right now. I doubt it’s going anywhere anytime soon. Might as well just get a job. I wish I could just be an artist or whatever, but that’s not gonna pay rent. For me, anyway. I need something with a guaranteed paycheck. So I guess I’m gonna fuckin bag groceries or whatever. Lose my identity for a few hours a day. More than a few hours. I doubt I’ll have the energy to paint my nails every night and take it off every morning. Might as well just start biting my nails again.

Anyway, I think there was more about the game. Right, I’ve thought about religion a bit more. I don’t think I believe in witchcraft or the occult. I don’t think I can believe in gods either. I think I might get into my own form of Christianity. I think Christianity was made to have some rules. To bring some good to the world. Love thy neighbor or whatever. But The bible is so outdated now. And it’s also been used for so much hate and violence. A lot of people assume Christians are all bigoted and hateful, which is valid. I think it’s important to look at the bible through a lens. It was written by some bigoted people way back when. But maybe some of those things really were god guiding their hand. You just gotta see what’s worth living by I guess.

Maybe there is a god, but you’ve gotta be smart about it. Don’t rely on them to fix everything. You’ve gotta do everything you can do on your own, and when there’s nothing left, maybe they’ll listen. Maybe they’ll hear your prayers. Or maybe the bad things are meant to happen. To learn from. Or not. Just... life happens. I don’t know. I just think faith is helpful. It’s helpful to think everything happens for a reason. It’s helpful to think someone is at the wheel. It helpful to think someone is watching and listening. Because without that faith, life feels empty.

I used to think religious people were weak. Maybe they didn’t dare stray from what their parents told them to believe. Or maybe they couldn’t bear to think there’s no reason for anything. That everything is random and chaotic. People die and there’s no reason for it. You exist and there’s no reason for it. We’re all lucky to be born. That’s all. Just pure luck. That’s hard to live with. The nothingness. And maybe there is no god, but believing feels better than nothing. I don’t know.

Wow this is a long one. Screw it though, this is for me, no one has to read this. I’d like for someone to read this, though. Maybe I should call my friend more. Anyway... good game.

[fliipclaw]

session recap 4 - calling caligula

we did another d&d session yesterday and it was. a lot of fun. here’s a list of things that happened and things people said in a roughly chronological order. i’ve already done three of these, i’m sure you guys know the drill by now.

the session opens with reeliel and tarrik in the infirmary

“everything about that is just a paradox. the infirmary of the death arena”

[the game is interrupted by a phone call]

“tarrik, shut up, don’t make it worse!” “i’m already half dead, how much worse could it get?” “you could be fully dead”

this time we’re doing double battles

galle and grelynn are paired up against an ogre

“it’s been so long we’ve forgotten how to play d&d”

“so that’s 9 damage…. he hits you really hard”

“so you rolled a three” “[dejected] yeah” “you just fall over”

“we bonded! by… tripping over ourselves for a turn!”

“there are two more fights, and then hopefully, no more fights!”

galle trips a dude just for fun

“i just wanna be a dick sometimes, ‘kay?”

pluto is teamed up with ilah (an npc based on an oc)

“kill her” “noOO!”

“i already killed her once i can’t kill her again. bany might actually murder me” “i would”

“has his eye been healed?” “no, he’s still blind” “he’s not all of a sudden going to become not blind”

“you stabbed him like FOUR TIMES in the eye”

“it’s just a little bit scratched” “a LITTLE BIT?”

“he needs a bit of tlc, okay?” “he needs a new fucking eye!”

“thoth didn’t look very friendly at first, but look at him now. blind and my best friend”

“is the monster just watching this?” “yeah, it’s last in initiative order and talking is a free action”

[talking about the squirrel that my family has been feeding] bany: we have a possum that lives in the bushes outside

ilah and pluto are the worst duo in that they will maim creatures and then befriend them

“maybe pluto just makes everyone blind by default?” “maybe that’s why pluto’s so terrible as a rogue but manages to steal from everyone anyway”

bany sighs a lot during this scene it’s great

i admit to my shameless rigging of the game when my players are doing terribly

pluto: decides to befriend the monster / the party: do you want to use up your second friend slot??

“what is the creature doing right now?” “it’s probably bleeding” “but how’s it feeling?” “it’s feeling pretty bad”

ilah: befriends the creature / matt: we’re playing d&d with the fucking rspca

“this is the death arena, not the befriend the creatures that attack you arena” “it’s actually a petting zoo”

“what kind of monster are they fighting?” “it’s called an ettercap. it looks like…… i don’t even know how to describe it”

“that’s the plot of lord of the flies, pluto befriends an ettercap”

tarrik and reeliel, our resident failures, are paired up against a gargoyle

my rolls are always really terrible. it’s the d&d gods punishing me for not using physical dice.

reeliel runs up to tarrik, jumps up on and off his shoulders, and up into the air

she unfortunately misses her attack

reeliel casts thunderwave. tarrik is understandably pissed.

“hey matt, what’s your constitution like?” “not negative” “go ahead and roll then!”

there are a lot of pauses where i stop to do maths. i’m the epitome of that ‘when you’re gay and can’t calculate the tip’ video.

“you two actually did something competent for once!” “the two weakest members of the team!"

“as it turns out, everyone else was just holding us two back. that’s what it is” “are you sure?”

mikael poofs around this time. rip them.

the immediate response to being taken outside the arena is of course “making our way downtown"

bany: this sounds like a public execution / me: carries on explaining the scene

“notice how they ignored the question"

i discovered that i can’t talk and type at the same time

neriona: is there / tarrik: is flipping her off with both hands

“matt matt matt matt matt matthew. shut up”

there is an elf reclining on a chaise lounge eating grapes. tarrik drinks his wine.

“the bulla felix, come in, come in!” “oh fuck”

ilah and galle: sit down normally

tarrik: lies down and hogs an entire seat

reeliel: sits like L

cai: poofs / me: should we just carry on? / matt: i’m liking this shouting idea / bany: oh god

[the game is interrupted by a toddler]

“jax, don’t do that with your eye!”

“greetings, i am the emperor of this fine city, petpetor!” “what? your name is what?” “petpetor!” “petpetu?” “petpetor!”

[toddler noises] “cai, are you murdering a child?” “it sounds more like the child is murdering cai”

matt made a child cry in church one time just by looking at them

“go find auntie billie! take this!” “it’s not safe to go alone, take this!”

[the game is once again interrupted by a toddler]

“if that was me there would be children flying from the rooftop” “and that’s why it isn’t you”

are you stronger than a 2 year old? for cai, the answer is no!

“cai, are you made of noodles or something?” “yes”

god i’m just now listening to this character voice and it’s awful

petpetor asks them to investigate an assassination plot and find his would-be assassin

tarrik tries to wind him up and reeliel throws something at him from across the room

“i am prepared to stab this guy in the back just so you know”

“what’s in it for us?” “freedom from the death arena” “yeah okay we’ll do it”

“i want immunity for the rest of my squad" “if you stop robbing my friends, than yes” “can we rob your enemies?"

“he takes like the bowl of grapes off the table and shoves them in his mouth”

galle: idk who you people are but i’m good with not being trapped in a death arena

tarrik’s metric for liking people: the quality of their wine

the party has a private discussion and decides to investigate and then stab petpetor in the back

“regardless of whether or not neriona is actually the one behind this assassination, i say we frame her"

“do we have anyone who’s alignment is good on this team?"

“i think we will give tarrik free reign to rob the palace as long as we can also rob the palace”

“so far his suspect list is like half of the entire city”

everyone complimenting the write ups and i’m sorry this one is mostly quotes. not much action happened but we did have a lot of fun conversations.

“after the endgame, after we kill not caligula, what’s going to happen?” “don’t you worry about that”

“am i on reasonable terms with the party now?” “you’re getting there with me” “welllll…." “tarrik shut up, we don’t need anymore foes”

“i have 300 buried and 50 in a pair of dark pants on the edge of a road”

“bye!” “i’m glad we’re sorta friends now!” “well, kinda, not really"

[unfriendly-blackh0ttie]

For as long as I could remember I always imagined what it was must be like to have a good best friend, and a good man to call yours. Every friend I've ever had turned into an enemy. I've never had a real relationship without me having to compete against another chick or no lies, no bullshit. My last dude really fucked me up in the head and idk how I'm going to recover from this one. It's in the past but it still hurts like it happened yesterday. What kind of boyfriend goes against his girlfriend that he "loves and would do anything for" and wants to be cool and have good relationships with his girlfriends worst enemies. I mean bitches that hated me back in high school and still do until this day. This nigga is 30 years old and let his 23 year old friend manipulate our relationship because he was jealous that I never have him any cookie and I wanted his friend instead. Mind you the 23 year old already had a girlfriend that he introduced me to, but still tried to fuck. From then on I knew that nigga was foul but when he found out I was with his friend oh he wasn't having that big I was all kinds of whores and ain't shit bitches smh and my ex believed every word because that's his boy and he grew up with him lol. I really don't want to meet anymore of these bitch ass men that sit around and gossip and watch love and hip hop together. I'd rather be a single bitter bitch than deal with that again. I remember I use to have to beg him to take a shower because his dick always smelled like dead possum he said he washed up with Old Spice but always smelled a pond full of rotten period blood and would catch an attitude when I would beg him to take a shower. He was the first black guy I ever dated I thought I would give him a chance, not that I have anything against black men I've just always found white/Hispanic guys more attractive so I dated them. All of them men I've been with might of had their issues but I NEVER had to beg them to wash their ass especially the Spanish guys they wear the best cologne and always smell good. Anyways, this little nigga was in denial and didn't believe he had a problem so weeks and weeks went by we stopped having sex he would get an attitude and call me all kinds of names because I didn't want to fuck his funky ass and then try to make jokes about me dating white boys like that was the biggest mistake I had ever made 🙄 none of those white boys stunk hell they all fucked me better than he ever could anyway. My ex could never make me cum, I use to watch him fucking me and he always looked uncomfortable and scared 😂 he was a real weirdo I hope my next relationship is my last because I want it to be everything I ever wanted. I have a big heart ❤️ and I have so much to give to make someone who loves me for me 👱🏾‍♀️ that's all I ask. I hope my next boyfriend is funny and can make me laugh and smile when I'm being moody. I want some "us against the world" kinda shit. I want to make someone so happy to be with me they would never have to second guess our relationship. I would like a family one day, I know I would make a great mother😊 two kids is good enough for me. It makes me so mad that I always end up with people who are the complete opposite of what I want🙄 I just want to be loved and in love with a good man who will support me in my cosmetology career. Have my back no matter what and always be there for me... but until then I'll just be single and Day dream about my married life 💕