#I put my whole heart into this post and I totally cried

[alonelystargazer]

Some time has passed now, which has allowed me to reflect on my thoughts about Choso's death and I wanna share them (of course, this is just MY opinion, you don't need to agree with me)

Chapter 259 spoilers ahead

I fell SO fast and hard for Choso as a character. I haven't even known him for a full year. To be honest, I don't think I would be as obsessed with JJK as I am now if it weren't for him (and Nanami). I was just a casual fan when I first watched the anime in 2021, and have been until I finally decided to read the manga. Choso struck me to my core and to me, he is on par, or perhaps even a step above Nanami, as my favorite character of the series.

I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART. I was utterly devastated when he died, and I shared my grief over a fictional character with other fans online. I didn't feel alone.

I wish he was still around for Yuji, I wish he had more time to "live as a human", but I've made my peace with him being gone.

I don't really remember what things I said that week Chapter 259 dropped. I may have let my emotions blind me and say some dumb things, but some time has passed now and it has allowed me to think more objectively about this situation.

I'm not trying to debate whether I believe JJK is a masterpiece of fiction or not with this post, but I will say that if Choso had to die, the way it happened in canon was as meaningful as it could have been.

He fought to the very last second of his life to protect his brother. Before he passed, he got to have one last conversation with Yuji in their little dream world where he praised him for his progress as a sorcerer, and apologized for, what he believes, were his own faults and setbacks.

But Choso also got to hear Yuji call him big brother , the one thing he wanted from him the moment he accepted him as his younger brother. And he thanked Yuji for giving him that gift, for letting him be a big brother again.

He may have felt useless as teacher, which means he probably died believing he didn't fulfill his role as the big brother properly, but Yuji believed in him so much and thanked him for being by his side when he needed support in his most dire moments.

After all the death and destruction Yuji faced in Shibuya, Choso stepped in and provided him with companionship, encouragement, loyalty, and love, everything Yuji probably thought he lost back then. And he made sure to let Choso know that he appreciated having him by his side and for everything he did for him.

I understand the reasons why some Choso fans don't agree that he should have died, or at least, how his death was handled.

He deserved to live and be his own person outside of the role of protective older brother. He deserved to live as a human--find hobbies, explore the world, try new foods, make new friends, etc--just as Yuki wanted for him. Her sacrifice shouldn't have been in vain. That he was doomed to die for his decision to prioritize his brothers above himself. Love is the most twisted curse of all, of course.

Also, that it seemed like his death was overshadowed when Todo was reintroduced, Yuji's "real brother" as some Todo fans have said.

Yeah, in a sense, it did seem like Todo's return overshadowed Choso. Why was this the moment he decided to come back? There was no hint of him coming back, no build up to his return, at least none that I can think of.

But also, what was Yuji supposed to do after he saw Choso turn to ashes? By now, he knows that if he let the time pass to grieve and blame himself, like he did in Shibuya, Sukuna could have used that as an opportunity to sneak up on him and take him out.

And maybe it didn't seem like his death served any purpose for the others, but it helped Yuji , and Yuji was the most important person in Choso's life after his other brothers died.

And in defense of Todo, he's not replacing Choso and his role as Yuji's brother. Todo calls himself Yuji's "brother" in the close friend type of way. He's still apart of Yuji's found family and support group, a friend that encouraged him to get back up and continue fighting in the moments after he witnessed his loved ones die. Yeah, it's unfair that no one is allowed to grieve, but that isn't a luxury they can afford to have when they're in the battlefield.

I'm sure that if Choso and Todo ever met, Choso would be grateful for him for supporting Yuji and helping him improve his sorcery in ways Choso probably couldn't. As in his words, blood manipulation comes instinctively to him.

In this cruel world of jujutsu where giving up your humanity, turning yourself into a monster, gives someone the chance of becoming powerful, Choso choose to keep his humanity, to choose love, but in turn, it cursed him.

But that's just who Choso is, he lived for his brothers. Despite the way they came into the world, Choso always choose to love his brothers, unconditionally, to the very end.

TL;DR: I can't say if Choso's death was "necessary", but I do believe that if he had to die in this story, the way it actually happened was perhaps the best possible scenario for him.

He may have died with regrets, but he was still able to help his brother Yuji one last time by protecting him from Sukuna's flames. And he got the greatest gift: a second chance at being a big brother, and to hear those words of gratitude in his final moments.

[walrus150915]

Goldenheart headcanons for when they have only started dating and were awkward as hell

(because I am a trans bi teenager who wants to experience mlm love yet can't because I'm afraid to date boys due to my dysphoria)

I noticed you people like when I make long posts like these and I love them too so I think I can share some hcs of mine about this stage of their relationship bc I have a lot honestly :]

- they started dating when they were around 16yo

- none of them actually had feelings for each other before puberty hit and they were like "damn my bestie is kinda fine- WHAT"

- Bal fell first. Ambrosius fell and broke the floor under him bc boyyyy did he fall HARD

- Bal navigated his feelings like "Ugh okay I guess that's what happens when you're friends with a handsome guy everyone has a crush on. That'll pass. That's part of puberty. Stay calm" meanwhile Ambrosius screamed in his pillow and freaked out and cried only to pretend nothing bothered him. It was hard to pretend when you literally study at the same academia/school/whatever and see each other every day bc you're best friends

- during the mutual pining era the PE lessons were DIFFICULT. Especially when they were put up against each other

- they look like friends who had no problem hugging/brushing each other's hair/being close physically in general yet when the feelings appeared, the things which used to be very easy turned torturous

- Ballister was the one to ask if Ambrosius saw that their friendship changed. Ambrosius couldn't hold it in anymore and mumbled through his confession so fast and awkward Ballister has only understood phrases like "I really like you" and "romantically I mean" and "you're very cool and that'd be sick if we became boyfriends"

- Bal turned his face to the side and muttered something like "yeah I think it would"

- and so they became boyfriends!!

- has something changed in the way they behaved around each other? Yeah but also not really. They were still besties and the physical contact became A LITTLE easier now that the sorta relationship they had was clear between them, but they just couldn't help but blush while touching each other

- their first kiss was a mess dude😭😭

- Ambrosius wanted it to go as smoothly as possible so he watched romantic movies and practiced kissing with his hand (embarrassing? Yeah I now) but when it was time to finally show off his skills he panicked and pressed his lips to Ballister's for a few seconds then his nose almost bled out bc of the nerves (not me projecting on Ambrosius but that's literally what happened to me when I had my first kiss)

- Ballister seemed calm about this whole thing but it doesn't mean he was. When they had their first ever date he brushed his teeth extra clear just to make sure he'd smell good during their first kiss. Bro was THRILLED

- basically Ambrosius was overthinking this and Ballister was... Also overthinking I'M SORRY THESE TWO ARE HORRIBLE

Now the headcanons are for the time when they've been dating for like more than a few months and have kinda got used to each other in this new ~romantic~ way

- Bal's way of flirting wasn't really obvious since he doesn't look like a guy who can come up with romantic compliments on the spot, however I think he touched Ambrosius if he wanted to express his feelings for him. Stroke his bleach-damaged hair, make their pinkies intertwine, put his head on his shoulder and nuzzle into him - this or he'd infodump new history/physics/chemistry facts he learnt

Bal: Okay, did you know that [some really complicated science stuff I cannot describe in words because I'm a literature major]

Ambrosius, heart-eyed, no clue what he's talking about: Wow that's really interesting anyways do you want me to change my surname to Boldheart-

- Ambrosius looks like a total theatre kid so I think he often flirted with Bal by quoting some love poems they had in their curriculum. Of course he quoted their analogue of Romeo's monologue under Juliet's balcony why do you think he wouldn't

- Having said that, whenever he quoted something which referred to a woman, he changed pronouns and general words bc he's attentive like that. Sometimes it got absurd tho. "Manservant of the moon" instead of "maid" like dude😭😭😭😭

- Ballister tried his best not to laugh but also not to pass out bcuz of the amount of praise his boyfriend gave him which was actually a lot. My man is as much of a mess as Ambrosius is let's not forget that

- one day Ambrosius quoted something which was not from the curriculum but instead from Bal's favorite book. I think Bal liked adventure books about knights which sometimes included romance and I imagine the dialogue going:

Ambrosius: "And even if I had to turn against the whole world to follow you-

Them together: "-I would do it with no hesitation-"

Ambrosius: "Because you are my world, Sir Redsword"

Them: *staring at each other*

Bal, all blushing: ...that's not from the books our teacher told us to read

Ambrosius, also blushing madly: Yeah but I figured I like some variety

- That's when Bal knew this guy was his forever soulmate

- Bal used to be taller than Ambrosius for a long time of their early years but then Ambrosius got late height boost or idk how it's called. Basically dude went from 5'5 to 6'1 overnight and I know Ballister was PISSED

- these two totally kissed in the janitor's closet when they needed some privacy I'm telling you (not even in a "steamy" way although I think some sort of tension existed - cmon they were late teens bro do you really think puberty is nice to teenagers???).

- why would you get a private space where you can explore this side of your relationship safely when you can have a literal closet with racks and mops and buckets, am I right

- Ambrosius tried writing poems for Ballister they SUCKED

- Ballister still saved each and one of them. One day, he'll sort through his things to move to his own place after the wall comes down and find these yellow checkered sheets of paper, full of bad rhymes and silly words. He'd bring all of them to his (and Ambrosius's) new apartment

Okay now the last hcs which I honestly have no idea how to call but umm ✨what people around them thought about their blooming romance✨

- Queen Valerin understood something was up on the spot. Like, for a straight woman, her gaydar worked flawlessly😭 it was enough for her to see them hide the fact that they held hands to go "I know what you are". She was pretty supportive although she did ask Bal on their one-to-one meeting to "use protection" like all moms do🖐

- The Director also knew something was up but her reaction was more like "Sir Ambrosius will grow out of it". As you know, he never did LMAOO

- Todd was hilariously oblivious despite teasing Ambrosius like "HAHA LOLLLL GOLDENLOIN WHY R U ALWAYS WITH THIS COMMONER GUY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM OR SOMETHING". He did it in a cishetero "haha gotta mock my homie for being gay" yet DID NOT REALIZE his homie was, indeed, gay

- some cadets could pick up on it, some didn't

- anyway I think the general public knew nothing about it bc if they did that'd be a scandal worse than Henry the 8th's when he created a new religion bc his loins were on fire thanks to Anne Boleyn

ALSO GET THIS LITTLE PIECE (which I don't really like bc of the coloring choices) OF THEM :D

I swear Ambrosius isn't yellow irl😭😭 I'm myself asian I now better than that

That's about it I guess! Lemme know what you think (if you wanna use/adopt these hcs, feel free to do whatever you want with them! Just tag me so I could see it wjsjjajaj!!!!) ;3

[ashwhowrites]

Heyy can you plss do an eddie fic with prompt #38 where after reader has a baby eddie becomes more and more distant like no alone time nothing but reader wants it to work out but he isn’t putting in the effort. Maybe it can be because he found someone else or he just isn’t attracted to her anymore or can be because of the band.

- the original request glitched and posted when I didn't write anything for it yet, so I hope whoever requested this finds it!

⚠️this is going to hurt...maybe a lot (as in I totally cried writing this and that hasn't ever happened) I saw an angst prompt and pulled this out of my ass in a day and I love it

Eddie's backstory is all made up

Talks of abuse

To have and to lose

“The worst part was that I saw it coming, I knew you’d hurt me, hurt us, but I still kept you around.”

~~

At the age of 13

Y/N watched her parents fall out of love. She saw the two most important people in her life slowly drift away from each other.

At first her parents were so in love, like the princess and prince in fairy tales. They were always a happy family. Sitting at the kitchen table every night and talking about their day. She watched her parents kiss good morning and goodnight. She saw a relationship in her parents that she dreamed of having. She wanted to fall in love just like that.

But suddenly, their late night kitchen talks turned into screaming and smashing plates. Pillow talk turned into discussing which days they got to see their daughter. The hands they used to hold each other with are caught red handed in adultery.

Y/N watched her parents go from being in love to strangers. She watched it all fall apart.

At the age of 14

her dad moved on, moving in with a new family. Her mom turned to alcohol for comfort, leaving Y/N to learn what it's like to be forgotten at such a young age.

She didn't want a relationship like that ever. She wanted to fall in love and stay in love.

~~

At the age of 10

Eddie watched as his dad beat his mom for the first time. He screamed his lungs out, asking him to stop. He can hear his mom's cries get quieter as she was closer to passing out. Eddie felt like his screams were underwater, how could no one hear him?

He watched the blood pour out of her nose. Hearing the front door slam as his dad ran out.

Eddie prayed that night and every night that his dad would stop coming home, but he always came back.

At the age of 12

Eddie got his first black eye. His dad punched him right across the face for not answering him fast enough. That was the first time his dad laid a hand on him, and it wasn't his last.

At the age of 13

Eddie cried as his mom walked out the front door. Bags packed and no intention on bringing him with. He screamed for her, begging for her to take him with. Save him too, but she didn't. She left him. She left her son with a monster.

~~

At the age of 16

They met each other.

Eddie ran straight into her when he was running to class, muttering under his breath about being late on his first day.

Y/N was smacked to the floor by a heavy body colliding with hers. Hearing the guy talk under his breath.

Eddie was quick to apologize, saying sorry over and over as he helped the girl up. Once she stood tall again with a small smile, his heart did a spin. She was beautiful.

Y/N told him it was okay, accidents happen. When she fully took him in she felt speechless. His wild hair and caring eyes. He was tall, lean, and skinny. But he looked so inviting. He looked as if he would be soft to the touch.

Eddie spent that whole day thinking about her.

Y/N spent that whole day thinking about him.

She almost felt like her eyes moved on their own. Her body knew when his presence was around before she even saw him. She could be miles away in her head, but the second he walked in her eyes would snap to him. She was captivated by him and she had no idea who he was.

"Eddie Munson, late again I see. Take a seat."

She watched as his wild hair passed through the doorway, breathing heavy as he panted over. He nodded to the teacher and eyes scanned for an open seat.

Y/N smiled to herself when she felt the open space next to her, with a small smile she nodded her head.

Eddie's eyes caught hers, not by accident. He was dying to find out if he had a class with her. Trying to find her in the halls just to see if she'd walk into the door he planned to enter.

He smiled gratefully as he sat next to her. Hand sticking out, "the name is Eddie Munson."

And that's when their love story began.

Slowly blossoming throughout the year of highschool.

Eddie never realized he could love the first day of school.

~~

Their crushes grew on each other fast and hard. She was smitten by the boy who had an artistic talent in drawing and music. She was captivated by everything he said because he talked so passionately and his eyes told every detail in a story she needed to know. She admired how creative he was and demanded he taught her more about hellfire.

For once Y/N felt like she made a true friend.

Eddie wasn't used to someone wanting to be around him. Especially a girl, and a girl who was way out of his league. Her hair was always shiny and silky. He could imagine running his fingers through it all day long. She was intelligent, always knew the answer to every question. Definitely sneaking over a few answers to him during a test. She was a great listener. He could tell she was really listening to him, her eyes told him everything he needed to know. He felt butterflies flying around when she smiled or laughed at something he said.

For once Eddie felt like he made a true friend.

~~

At the age of 17

Y/N felt like she might be falling for him. She thought of him every single day and every moment. Photos of them framed on her walls. Countless sketches Eddie left in her room. A year of friendship and she never felt alone anymore.

She learned Eddie came from a broken home and had many wounds that still bled.

Eddie learned she was the same. A bit broken with pieces he may never find to put back together.

But either way, they healed each other even if they didn't know it

~~

Eddie remembers the day he was a goner for her.

Jason was shoving him against the lockers, hand to his throat and knee in his gut.

Eddie loved to seem tough, but inside he was still the little boy his father used to beat until he was bruised. Eddie hated that no matter where he went in life a version of his dad found him.

Eddie remembered feeling his body hit the floor and a huge blow came from his right side, it took Eddie back to when he got his first black eye.

Tears escaped as he tried to hide his face in his hair. Even at 17 he couldn't fight back.

Then she showed up, and she put up a hell of a fight.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!" he remembers seeing her little legs run towards him, shoving Jason aside with as much strength as she could.

The look in her eyes was so soft and gentle. For once Eddie felt like he was safe, cowardly moving himself closer in her arms. She quickly wrapped herself around him, shoving his face in her chest. Allowing him a place to cry silently where no one could see. A hand in his hair.

"do you know who that is? That's the freak Y/N, you don't want to get messed up with that."

"Fuck off. If Eddie is a freak, then freaks are my favorite kind of people." She spat.

Jason rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Eddie baby. Are you okay?"

Yeah Eddie was definitely in love.

~~

Y/N knew she was in love with Eddie when he asked her to the snowball.

She sat at lunch with hellfire, staring at the posters that covered the cafeteria.

"SNOWBALL DANCE FRIDAY NIGHT!"

Y/N wouldn't change her friendship with Eddie for anything, but being friends with him meant no one was interested in her. Not that she cared, she had her eyes set on him and she knew they'd never wander off.

She remembers her face blushing as she shoved herself further down her seat as all the boys talked about how stupid the dance was.

Jeff complaining about the need to wear a tux just to stand in the gym. The amount of money spent on one night.

Gareth talking about how it was stupid girls actually wanted to go to that stuff. Waste their time to get pretty and go nowhere but the school.

But Eddie never said a word.

She tried to give him a glance but his expression didn't read much. He almost looked like he wasn't listening at all, and maybe he wasn't.

~~

She was proved wrong.

Two nights before the dance she was reading a book in her bedroom, a lamp rested on her bedside otherwise the room was dark.

She heard knocking at her door and quickly looked out her window. She saw his van before him. She raced down the stairs.

He stood there in a black beanie, red and black flannel covering his arms and black jeans.

"Eddie Munson how many times do I need to tell you to wear a real winter jacket."

He rolled his eyes with a smile. Already expecting that.

He grabbed her hand and dragged her further out on the porch.

"I'm not romantic in any type of way and this was the lamest thing I could come up with, so let's act like it's the best thing I've ever done." He said.

She looked at him confused. She watched as he grabbed snow and began to roll it into a ball in the palm of his hand.

Once he was satisfied with the shape he set it near her foot. Running to his car for a poster sign.

He walked back up to her and grabbed the snow.

"Will you go to ___ with me?"

He held the snow proudly in front of the blank spot on the poster board.

His smile slowly fell as she stared at him, mouth covered by her hands

"do you get it? It's like a snow ball, like the dance?"

She nodded, trying to compose herself to speak.

"Yes Eddie I would love to go to the dance with you. And this is a very Eddie Munson fashion proposal." She laughed.

Looking into his eyes that night as he screamed about how cold the damn snow was in his hand, she knew she loved him.

After the dance, they finally became official. Both nervous and talking at the same time.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Together they found a safe place to let their guards down. Each healing each other's wounds with soft touches and meaningful kisses.

~~

At the age of 18

They were still going strong.

More in love than ever. They celebrated their one year at their new favorite spot in the woods.

Wayne loved Y/N as his own. Tearful eyes watching them as they got lost in each other.

Wayne always worried about Eddie. He knew his heart was too gentle for some people. But he could see that Y/N cared for Eddie deeply. In the way she smiled at him. The way she'd smack him for smoking. When she'd force him to eat dinner and not just snacks.

Wayne finally felt like he didn't have to worry about Eddie anymore.

Eddie found a safe place to call home.

~~

At the age of 19

The couple graduated, now thrown into life with no idea what's next.

Eddie was ready to tour the world.

Y/N's mother died from alcohol poisoning and she hasn't seen her dad since he left. Eddie was all she had so she followed him straight into the spotlight.

Wherever Eddie was going to go, she was following behind.

Eddie's band slowly made their way up the charts. Getting popular and noticed. He felt like all of his suffering led him to this.

Singing every night with the guys he called brothers.

Running off stage to kiss the girl of his dreams.

Eddie deserved this.

They deserved this.

~~

Y/N doesn't remember what state they were in, lost in the days spent on the road. But she remembered the way she felt.

She was laying in Eddie's arms as they stared at the stars. In a random parking lot in the middle of nowhere. A blanket from the tour bus underneath them.

"hey baby." She whispered as she looked up at him.

His dark eyes looked down at her, she smiled at the love and softness that was held in there.

"yes gorgeous?" He asked

"Do you think we'll always be in love?" It was a loaded question, one that they both couldn't give a sure answer too. But without a second of hesitation he said-

"Without a doubt in my mind. I'm going to love you forever, I promise."

~~

At the age of 22

They settled down. Giving up tour life for a small break.

They got a small apartment in California, wanting Eddie to be where the stars are.

They filled the walls with pictures of them. A map that was marked by every city Eddie performed in. A cabinet filled with Wayne's old mugs for when he wanted to visit, or the days Eddie missed him a bit more.

A bulldog that they barely had any idea to take care of but Y/N refused to leave the store without him.

~~

On Christmas Eve, Eddie decorated the living room with fake snow. Their dog, Ozzy, was dressed in a Santa hat. The Christmas tree lit up and the crappy ornaments they made together decorated all around.

"Eddie what is with all the snow?" She giggled

"It's California, I had to do my best so shush." He said.

He always had a thing for leaving her confused. She watched him silently as he got down on a knee.

Her eyes growing, he wasn't, was he?

Eddie grabbed what looked like a snow ball.

He grabbed it in his hands, holding the fake snow softly.

"When I met you, I didn't think I deserved to be here. I grew up with barely a family, just Wayne. But I felt like a burden to Wayne. Like he was forced to take me in. Making his life harder and stressful. I barely knew if he ever loved me, which I do know now that he does. My point is, I didn't know I could even be loved by anyone until I met you. Until I literally whisked you off of your feet. You have made me want to live every single day of my life. I've got to love you as a friend. Then as a boyfriend. And now I want to love you as a future husband. Will you marry me?"

He smashed the fake snow, dusting off the particles and there laid a ring.

She was already crying from his words but she cried harder seeing the pure love in his eyes. His own watering slightly.

She couldn't speak so she nodded and threw her body into his. Knocking him straight to the floor.

Laughing as they tumbled, Ozzy ran to their rescue.

"Take that as a big yes?" Eddie laughed.

"So fucking big yes." She kissed his lips.

Ready to spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams.

~~

At the age of 25

She gave birth to their daughter, Alexis.

Eddie dreamed of being a father and he vowed to not fuck this up.

Eddie sang his two girls to sleep every night. A smile on his face as he watched his wife and daughter fall asleep with the same look on their face.

Alexis looked just like her in so many ways but had Eddie's hair of curls.

Wayne adored her more than anything. Easily becoming the best grandpa in the world.

Eddie and Y/N spent all their time making the most memories they could with Alexis.

Who knew two teenagers could make it so far?

~~

At the age of 30

It all came down.

Y/N was slowly watching Eddie turn into someone who wasn't her husband anymore.

Once Alexis was old enough, Eddie went back on tour.

It was hard at first for them to all get used to.

Y/N had to go to bed alone and prepare her 5 year old for school.

Eddie had to get used to talking to his family through a phone.

Alexis was a daddy's girl and she took it hard when he was gone. Crying every night asking where he was.

Wayne stopped by the most he could, taking care of Alexis while Y/N needed to get errands out of the way.

A busy day flew by and she rested into bed. Checking her phone and realizing she never heard from Eddie. She quickly dialed his number but got no response. With a shrug she headed off to bed, maybe he was a bit busy.

~~

But then that one night without a call turned into a week.

She felt like she was going crazy, countlessly calling him, sending texts. It was like he disappeared.

She texted his manager to make sure he was okay. The good news was he was perfectly fine. The bad news was he was perfectly fine.

~~

The guilt ate him alive.

Watching her call him over and over. The contact picture of her big smile holding Alexis, Ozzy drooling in their laps.

A picture he used to smile at when it would appear.

Now a picture that reminded him of what he didn't feel anymore.

He doesn't know when it happened but one day he woke up and didn't think of her. He went out and performed, hitting up parties before crashing in his hotel room. Plugging in his phone, realizing he never called home. He never even thought to call home.

He shrugged it off for being too busy.

But then he kept forgetting. And now he can't handle the pain in his chest when she calls.

~~

She came to visit him for his birthday. Alexis was overjoyed to see her dad finally after months. Wayne stayed back to take care of Ozzy but planned to visit soon.

Seeing her husband again made her feel better about everything. She understood he is busy, she's been on tour before, she knows how it goes.

But the trip didn't go as well as she planned.

The last night she was there Eddie asked to talk.

Alexis was sleeping in the crib of her hotel room, Eddie's down the hall even though he hasn't slept in it since she came.

She got nervous when he asked to talk in the hall, away from Alexis.

"I want a divorce."

She felt like her heart was yanked out of her chest and stabbed a thousand times.

"wait what?" This wasn't happening. They were fine. They were close to happy. They. Are. Fine.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry but I can't keep lying to you. I can't keep acting like I'm fine when I'm not. I can't keep acting like I love you." He cried, it hurt to even say out loud. It hurt even worse watching her walls build up, her teeth clenching as she refused to cry.

"when Eddie?" She choked out, a finger pressed to her lips. Some type of pressure to keep her sobs inside.

"when what?"

"when did you fall out of love with me?"

"I don't know. One day I woke up on my tour bus and went through the whole day where you didn't cross my mind. I woke up and I didn't miss you anymore." He wanted to touch her, to hold her but he knew he couldn't.

"YOU WON'T EVEN TRY FOR ME?" she screamed, tears leaving her eyes, nothing she could do about it.

"I've been fucking trying. You have no idea how hard I've been scraping to feel something again. I can't make myself love you. I can't change that."

"what did I do wrong? Eddie where do I go wrong?" She begged, feeling her knees giving out from under her.

"nothing baby. Don't do that to yourself okay? You did nothing wrong. You were the perfect wife and everything. This is all on me. People just change"

"No Eddie no! PEOPLE CAN'T JUST CHANGE. You can't love me for one second and not want me anymore. That's not fair. The worst part was that I saw it coming, I knew you’d hurt me, hurt us, but I still kept you around." She sobbed, giving up on standing. Smashing her knees into the floor.

His heart broke watching her. He hated his heart for turning on him. For turning on everything he dreamed of since he was sixteen

"I know it's not fair. I fucking hate this too." Even if she didn't want it, he caged her in his arms. Tears silently falling into her hair. Hers soaking through his Tshirt.

She pushed him off as hard as she could. Anger now filling her.

"YOU PROMISED ME. YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD ALWAYS LOVE ME. YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR!"

"I WAS FUCKING NINETEEN! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS PROMISING! WE WERE YOUNG. WE DIDN'T KNOW OUR FUTURE"

"I did. I wanted my future to be you Eddie! I fucking wanted to love you for the rest of my life. I have spent every day the happiest I've ever been since I met you. And now you just want to take that all away from me? That's so fucking not fair. I'm suddenly supposed to learn a life where I don't get to love you anymore? You have been my life since I was god damn sixteen eddie. What in the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I could wake up and feel that love I had for you. I've been praying for that every night but I can't find it in me anymore. I will love you always, but I can't say I'm in love with you anymore. I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I could make this better but I can't. In the end you deserve to be loved so fucking much and I can't give that to you anymore." He tried to hold back his own sobs.

Looking at her, it was like he was breaking the heart of her at sixteen. The same bright smile girl he smashed in the hallway. The same girl that held him as he cried. The same girl he twirled around on the dance floor at snowball. The same girl that followed him around the world. The same girl he proposed to in that small apartment. The same girl he vowed to love for the rest of his life.

He wasn't just breaking his wife's heart, he was breaking every version of her heart he learned to love.

She wiped her tears and nodded. Taking a deep breath she stood up.

"I'm going to go home tomorrow and I'll pack. You finish the tour and I'll have the papers ready for you when you come back."

The shut of the hotel door shouldn't have hit him this hard.

Shouldn't have made him fall to his own knees and sob.

But it wasn't just the hotel door closing,

It was closing on the only relationship Eddie ever felt true love.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975

[legacyshenanigans]

HiHi 💜

Just another quick thing I want to get off my chest. And be vulnerable with you guys.

So yesterday was fucking crazy for me.

I basically had a small mental breakdown.

I want you all to know, that I feel like I made it sound like I was never going to come back, I will definitely return to this blog, but after writing this, I'm giving myself atleast a week, to just chill and soothe my mind.

I Havnt cried today, so that's a plus 😅

I adore interacting with you guy's, so im not going to dissappear completely, or atleast i dont want to. And I will come back, whether it's to do OC content of murder hubby and gang (which I'm still very much in love with because I literally put my heart and soul into creating them) or even if it's just to post random shit haha, I like the little cult I've made here, I want to continue to interact with you guy's. ❤️ Because, honestly, the Volo Cult mean the fuckin world to me,

The amount of love I received yesterday made me cry so fuckin much. It was truly overwhelming.

It definitely sucks when something you once love, and the main thing that made your blog what it is becomes irrelevant to you 😮‍💨 such a numbing, horrible feeling. I know I seem like a fiesty c*nt most of the time, and don't get me wrong, I totally am hahaha, but I get very intense feelings.

Will undercut next part because its potentially triggering content. And please. I do not expect sympathy, that's not why I'm about to tell you guy's this.

I think one of the main reasons I'm finding this whole thing difficult is because before I joined this fandom, I'd suffered an extremely brutal miscarriage, which really fucked me up, I won't go into to many details but the whole thing left me extremely traumatised due to some of the things that happend during that time, and when I joined this fandom it REALLY helped me take my mind off things, thats WHY it meant SO MUCH to me to be here, and why this is all seems very dramatic, because to me personally, it really did mean everything to me, and when my love for it died, thats why I was SO upset. Making my creations also really helped me, especially creating Marvolo, who's personality and lore and his general embodiment was born from a huge cluster fuck of mixed feelings and emotions I'd experienced from a very dark place, thats WHY he means so much to me. This fandom just really helped through a very shit time, and thats why I don't take this lightly, and why I'm so fuckin sad about the whole situation.

I just wanted you guy's to know that.

~

[llovelyclouds]

notes on cristabel oct

here's all the relevant info on cristabel i took note of during my tlt reread, in one place!

you can find the rest of the posts in this project here!

CRISTABEL OCT

titles:

Mercymorn’s cavalier, first gen, founded the eighth (with Mercy)

name meaning: in latin the meaning of the name Cristabel is: beautiful christian/follower of christ

notes from harrow the ninth:

The reason Mercy is the Saint of Joy (htn. pg. 177)

Mercy won't talk about her to Harrow, even though John thinks she would, and that her name would upset Augustine (htn. pg. 177)

Augustine doesn't mind talking about her though, and says: "A total delight. Effervescent. Kind to animals and children. A master of the sword. Did not have the intellect you'd ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange, and was a sickening twerp into the bargain. The Eighth House will never see her like again." (htn. pg. 177)

“‘You know what I feel… you know I don't think she was the best influence on Alfred… you know I think they brought out the worst in each other, and I don’t think you disagree.’ God said, ‘They were very similar people.’ ‘No,’ said Augustine. ‘They weren’t, John. She was a fanatic and an idiot- yes, she was, Mercy- and he… was a man who regretted he wasn't. It took surprisingly little to lead my brother astray.’” - Augustine and John, discussing whatever happened between Cristabel and Alfred (double suicide, maybe?) (htn. pg. 274)

Augustine hated her for sure, but he’s ok with pretending he didn’t for dios apate reasons (htn. pg. 279)

"Cristabel always said I was tidy." - Mercymorn (htn. pg. 410)

"you picked the wrong man to enter a suicide pact with. I hate 'em. Cristabel might have undone all my good work with Alfred, but here comes the reckoning." - Augustine (htn. pg. 487)

notes from nona the ninth:

"The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn't mind being trepanned on the regular."- Pyrrha, about her and G1deon's trial at Canaan house (ntn. pg. 84)

Was Mercy's nun best friend pre-resurrection (ntn. pg. 128)

"I was worried I was going to get the Antichrist bit from her too, but she was just like: stop doing this! Read your Bible! This was Christ's whole problem! I was like, What are you talking about, Jesus cured the lepers and everyone was all, Hooray, thanks man. M-'s nun was all, Are you kidding, Christ never said no and never asked anyone to pay and got everyone to pay way too much attention and brought the heat down on everybody, Christ didn't keep to office hours, she said. Don't do that." (ntn. pg. 190)

“Me in my bedroom with a nun and a migraine, her thinking that if she pushed me enough we’d instantiate the Trinity and we’d all be saved.” (ntn. pg. 399)

“Eventually it was the nun who changed things. She knocked on my door and said very nicely, John, how are you doing? And I said, Not great, honestly. She said, John, how close are you to finding the soul? And I said, I can’t, Sister, It’s too big. I don’t understand why it’s so huge. I can’t find the soul inside the body, I don’t know where to look. I don’t know what I’m doing. She prayed over me, and then she went away for the longest five minutes of my life. [...] Then the nun came back and knocked on my door and said, John, I think I have it. I know you’re very scared right now, but I’m going to help you. Please let me in. He said: I let her in. She’d brought P-’s gun. [...] She just smiled at me. She said, John, don’t misunderstand. I want to help you. I truly believe that in our most terrible hours we don’t instinctively reach out to God; we push ourselves away from Him. Don’t feel bad for not rising heroically to the occasion right now, Fear doesn’t help us achieve a state of grace; it deafens the heart. John, I truly believe you can save everyone. So concentrate, please. She said, Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for our sinners, now and at the hour of our death. And she shot herself.” (ntn. Pg. 404)

[jikookficsdiarry]

LOVES IT'S AYS DAY TOMORROW!! PARTY PARTY YEAH🤍🥹

Okay, I know I'm really late, but I just had to express my thoughts about episode 5 real quick :)

This vminkook moment right here is my HAPPINESSS!!!

Look at these adorable cutiessss!! My whole heart🥹🤍 like I just wanna put them in my pocket and protect them forever:(

So umm yeah what goes on?!! Jikook match each other's freak for sure!!

The epitome of beautiful, jiminie and kookie🤍

I remember seeing this vmin picture and instantly sending it to my best friend, she responded saying you will always be my passenger princess🥹 yes I teared up:( this moment of jiminie waking up taebear was honestly so adorable...

Sometimes I wonder how my heart is always happy and its because of jikook and their playfulness🥹🤍 we saw that wink kookieeee, it might not be in 4k but we still saw ittt!

This cuddle session...omdsss the CUTEST heartwarming moment everrrr pleasee!!🥹🤍

"Its's just a picture, why are you crying?"

This right here lads.🤍

Need I say more??

Like do you see their adorable pouts🥹🤍 the way my heart was just doing catapults throughout the epsiode sidbdjkrkf🤍

Now let's focus on this moment shall we? Personally this was my favourite moment in the whole episode! If you follow my posts I was (still am) really nervous and anxious about MS being mentioned in AYS. These past couple of years with BTS enlisting has been hard on me, the reason being I have grown up with them by myside. For someone who has had to leave and and move to different countries constantly leaving friends and family behind, I have learnt to say goodbye a little too much. To the memories, the relationships and so much more. One constant thing that remained with me and never changed was Bangtan. (Idk if im making sense but I really hope i am)

I know it's just military service and they are gonna come back, just like jin did and hobi will next month🥹 but I will never truly be able to explain the void in my chest that still persists as I eagerly wait for 2025 when they are all together. It hurts when you have to be apart from the people you love, I know exactly how it feels. So yes, I was concerned about kookie and minie not seeing each other for almost 2 years. Some might think I am exaggerating, some might understand exactly how I feel and tbh I totally understand each ones view, but when I say there 2 years have been hard it truly has been. Yes, I do get nervous and anxious when MS is bought up and this right here bought me so much ease and comfort, like I cried happy tears🥹 to know that kookie and jiminie were enlisting together and they made the same face (you really need to spend a lot of time with that person to know exactly what expression the other is going to make) and them expressly denying in a second that they would never fight, it touched my heartstrings you'll. 🥹🤍 I love these two so much🥹🤍

Also tae bear magically appearing and disappearing is beyond comprehensible to me.🤭

Sorry to get all serious, but yeah I just wanted to say that jikook always find a way to heal my heart and provide me happiness and comfort, cause I was so elated watching this epsiode it made me forget my worries honestly🤍

AND YESS LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND WE GET TO SEE OUR BUBBAS IN SAPPORO🤍🥹

Cant wait to see kookie and jiminie have the best time together🤍🥹

Are you sure?! You will always be our serotonin🤍 thank you

~ Nel🤍

[shewhowas39]

OC Smash or Pass: June

my darling @kittenintheden tagged me for this, and i am utterly delighted to play along.

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc). - (copied from kitten's post)

all right, so currently my only art of this iteration of June is with Astarion, and i'm bad at screenshots so bare with me here.

JUNIPER (JUNE)

(art by @/dafna-winchester )

(art by @/redraccoonart )

STATS

Height: 5'11" Pronouns: she/her Orientation: bisexual Age: 26 Class: Wizard Race: Bhaalspawn (looks half-elf) Alignment: neutral good

Pros:

extremely kind and compassionate, believes everyone deserves a chance, even if they've fucked up in the past.

very intelligent. especially about history. she will happily nerd out about history with anyone who is interested.

pretty singing voice

great at respecting boundaries

not the jealous type. though she's strictly monogamous, she trusts her partners until she's proven wrong.

long legs O.O

cute southern accent

will do pretty much anything - even at her own detriment - to help a friend or partner. she can't stand to see them suffering or struggling and will do whatever she is able to alleviate their pain.

i mean her face claim is a young Michelle Pfeiffer so there's that

CONS:

cries a lot. i mean a lot. her eyeliner and mascara are like always running.

her grip on reality is tenuous at best, due to her constant visions and hallucinations. sometimes she hides it well. other days she's asking where you are and what time it is every hour or so and seems very confused. it distresses her a lot. (physical touch seems to help ground her, though)

her compassion also extends to total strangers and also people who probably don't deserve it, but he's still willing to put herself at great risk for them.

is incapable of casual sex, despite what she might believe at first. as her bestie once put it - "her heart is in her clit" - if you smash, she's gonna get attached

sometimes has the urge to brutally murder those around her

despite that, might be a bit too much of a goody-two-shoes for a lot of people

will always beat you at trivia

sleepwalks... and sometimes murders people while doing so

some massive guilt issues around the whole urge to murder thing that often manifests in a desire to be punished in some way

if you marry her, you have the worst father-in-law of all time.

tagging (with no pressure) @dungeonsdragonsandlawyers @andauril @selunesdreams

[apieceoftoastedbread]

i just got in the car to go home. let me yap.

WARNING FOR SPOILERS FOR THE GHOST MOVIE “RITE HERE RITE NOW”

Okay so, the thing at the beginning with saltarian was super cool. was kinda a jumpscare to see his face on the big big screen but it helped me stop disassociating and realize “holy shit im seeing the ghost movie”. Btw!! shoutout to my brother for taking me to go see it since my super religious parents would never take me. anyways uhm it was fucking awesome!! seeing all the ghouls in high detail kinda sparked my ghost hyperfixation again (it never left, just got very, VERY, weak.) i got to see my silly phantom and aurora and all the silly ghouls again and i was stimming very much. the theater was almost empty!! it was shocking how little people there was. I went with my brother and a mutual friend and we were the only ones in our row with small groups spread around us. Since this is my rant and i dont have any rules im gonna rip the bandaid off. i am so glad copia didnt and will HOPEFULLY keep being a reoccurring character as lead of the clergy. im a little upset about the cliffhanger of the new papa but i get it. ALSO,,, COSMO TALKED?? “Arent we gonna do a encore?” EXCUSE ME?? i was so so shocked. The misleading of death and new beginnings was also amazingly portrayed. i am going to miss the character of sister imperator but she had a good run. The show of Her, Papa copia (Father imperator🙏🙏), and Papa nihil being a family and all of then talking warmed my heart. totally didnt cry at that. WHAT DID MAKE ME CRY WAS IF YOU HAVE GHOST!! god the way they did that song and that whole scene tbh was just amazing. i cried a bit and was so touched by that song. The ghoulettes were amazing and i hope this isnt the last we see of them, but i get it if this is it. The singing ghoulete was amazing, she had a truely beautiful voice and make me get the chills a few times. The ones behind the instruments were just as good if not better. they all did great but i applaud the ones playing for being able to focus and play the entire time. The new song(god talk about quick changes) Was AMAZING!! i was up when it dropped and it has already been added to all my playlists. The credits with the song and the meaning of the song touch my heart in a way few songs are able to. I saw people on twitter complaining (as people on twitter do..) about certain ghouls not having much screentime, and i will admit that some had more than others, but i dont think its enough to be upset about. at the end of the day it relies on tobias, the camera team, and the ghouls boundaries. The dancers for Dance macabre and twenties was super cool!! kinda spooked me and make me uncomfy in the beginning but i think they did great. what did make me a little uncomfy was the video for year zero.. I am not a very religious person and do not have a label on what i consider myself, but the video was a bit of a jumpscare and was a little scary for me,. although im sure other liked it. I cannot wait for the album to be out and i will be putting on ghost more since the tism go brrr. expect ghost themed media to be posted by me more!! i think thats all but if theres anything else ill make a part 2 when im able to think again.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!!

[dvzaiosamu]

I know some of you don't read Lyney's lore when you gain friendship with him, so I'm totally going to force you all into reading all of it. I'm begging you all. Look, if you're not going to read it ingame, then read it here and devour that lore.

Now, now, this might seem like something I did because I didn't knew what to post, it's true, it is, but I also want to spread around Lyney's lore for all my Lyney lovers, even if making this post is pointless.

Character details.

The people of Fontaine love their tales of mystery. The intricate case setups and unexpected twists and turns are captivating for all.

Magic recreates this experience under the converging spotlights. For the price of a ticket and some of your free time, you can embark on a wondrous journey amidst thunderous applause and astounded cries.

If you were to ask around as to which of Fontaine's "guides" is best at setting up such fantastical tours, most fans will tell you that it is Lyney.

Suave, romantic, and talented, he performs miracle after miracle with a casual air.

In this industry, one needs only a stable of staple tricks to ensure a renowned reputation and comfortable life.

However, Lyney's shows always feature some new trick. Some say that he was born into poverty, and the resultant burning hunger for fame and fortune drives his boundless desire to create.

In truth, he simply pursues novelty in his capacity as a performer — indeed, he feels that if he cannot put his whole heart into the show, his deep desire to perform cannot be fully satiated.

This is why, despite the applause rising to a fever pitch and beyond, he will rarely satisfy the crowd's calls for a reprise of his most well-known tricks. Some devoted fans consider this to be a bit of a shame...

...And for them, such regret will only continue to increase each time they purchase a ticket and go in to watch his show.

Friendship level 2.

While Lyney first began his journey in magic to fill his stomach, he has continued to perfect his art even after becoming a person of some renown in Fontaine.

Magic, after all, has been his benefactor. Not only has it allowed him and his sister to survive, but it has also allowed them to gain the "acknowledgment" that most children, growing up in a loving home, would have received from their parents.

Even from an early age, performance was something closely tied to Lyney's life. Each time he would go on stage, Lyney would have the audience whooping and clapping. And yet, he did not lose himself in their adulation — if anything, it often troubled him.

If audiences were simply drawn to the spectacle of magic, then who was to say that they wouldn't abandon Lyney's stage as soon as they caught wind of a more enthralling show in town?

In other words, just as an audience would be attracted by petals and cards, they would also be pulled away by grander fireworks and crackling gun salutes. What else did magicians have up their sleeves to capture the hearts of their audience, beyond enticing them with ever more grandiose impressions of shock and awe?

In all of Lyney's performances afterward, audiences would begin to notice a change — Lyney would add many segments between performances in which he would interact with them.

Indeed, this magician seemed without any airs, sharing various fascinating anecdotes about his life, not even minding if the audience should try to guess at the secret behind his tricks.

Of course, the sharper wits amongst them would notice that Lyney's tales were not truth, but instead a way to build up the atmosphere, a bedding laid for a greater magic trick to land upon.

Yet no one would quibble about these white lies. After all, truth and falsehoods were already inextricable in many parts of the performance — why, even the magician himself could be said to have become a part of the magic.

Thus does Lyney sometimes appear near and dear, and other times just out of the reach of his audience, balancing human affinity and magical mystery perfectly in the palm of his hand, his smile leaving the audiences' imaginations free to run wild.

No matter how rich or poor, sad or glad the audience member, imagination is the great equalizer, carrying the charm of magic to all.

Thus did the mystery and elegance of this magician spread far and wide, with people even opining that his skill at creating an atmosphere is itself as exquisite as magic.

"Is that so? Well, I'm just trying to invite everyone to take a brief break from reality, that's all."

Friendship level 3.

Lyney's new home was the Hotel Bouffes d'ete, located in a corner of the Court of Fontaine.

The place was home to many orphans who shared similar experiences with him and his sister. The people here helped each other like a family would, greeting the fallout and consequences of those tragic years together.

But the siblings, even with a recommendation from the manager of the Hotel, did not find it all that easy to fit in, nor was it easy for the children there to immediately accept these new "outsiders."

And in this environment, oppressive in its gloom, the water pumping equipment broke while Lynette was using it, right before everyone's eyes, deepening the distrust to the extreme.

Lyney could only step up and take responsibility, agreeing to fix the equipment so as not to affect everyone's daily lives.

In truth, he did not know all that much about repair work, but given Lynette's propensity for damaging various small devices, he had long gotten used to following his intuition to do some fixes here and there.

Unfortunately, he underestimated the complexity of the pumping equipment and difficulty of fixing it. While he succeeded in restoring it to normal operations, he remained at a complete loss as to whether he had solved the root problem or not, he could not tell.

But just as he was at his wit's end, a seemingly reticent young fellow stepped forth, examined, and restored the facilities, even expressing his apologies.

As it turned out, he was the one in charge of maintenance at the Hotel, and as he saw it, Lynette had been the unfortunate victim of his failure to detect and replace the aging components in the system in a timely manner.

Lyney, for his part, was far more impressed by the young fellow's skills than any talk of responsibility. He wanted to learn from the youth — if nothing else, this would make helping Lynette all the easier.

The youth was, for his part, no good at refusing, and thus did Lyney become his assistant in the Hotel's small workroom — and over time, he and this Freminet would become friends.

Lyney would prove unselfish in spending time on other Hotel residents, whether it be Freminet or others, but he would keep them company in comforting silence rather than ask them about their experiences.

In this he was guided by Lynette's succinct life advice: "No one needs self-satisfied concern."

In time, the residents became more willing to share some of their pasts with him, and Lyney would thus become better able to help them with their issues.

Freminet was somewhat perplexed by this, believing that Lyney, who was slowly becoming the core around which the Hotel spun, did not need to go this far.

Lyney joked that he had helped Freminet when they first met because he knew that his sister would cause further machine-related troubles down the line, and he was uncomfortable with that.

But at this point, there was no fooling Freminet with such words. Under his attentive gaze, Lyney could only tell him the truth.

"Because Lynette's my one and only family, I've learned from her how one should treat all members of their family."

Friendship level 4.

On the Hotel Bouffes d'ete's Founding Day, all the children were abustle, draping festive colors all over the place.

To the residents, outside festivals and events were cold and emotionless things, foreign elements in their lives, and only this dwelling could bring them true warmth.

Everyone worked in concert to execute Lyney's plan. Lynette had purchased large amounts of festive ornaments, and together with the other children, she strung up colored streamers and hung handwritten festive greetings.

Freminet was ensuring that the magical props would operate properly — Lyney had faith in his craftsmanship, so much so that Freminet was completely entrusted with all the magic props this time.

Lyney himself was the busiest of all — not only did he have to ascertain everyone's progress, but he was also laying the final groundwork for a grand, unique magic trick in secret.

And thus was the banquet successfully held with everyone's support. The children danced to the joyous music playing from the grand hall's phonograph and enjoyed delicious food — this was the birthday of no one in particular, but this was the day they all felt they had gained new lives.

The finale, of course, was Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet's Founding Day magic show. The magic box was at the center of the room, and all waited with bated breath.

To preserve the secret behind the magic trick, even Lynette and Freminet knew not what was within. But as the room darkened and all eyes turned to Lyney, standing as he was in front of the box, even the highly-experienced magician showed some rare signs of trepidation.

"Now, you might consider the following words an exaggeration, but the "present" I am about to present to you all is, without doubt, the most important one we have received in our lives."

The paper firecrackers burst, and the once-empty box suddenly opened by itself. The crowd cheered, amazed — then fell suddenly into stunned silence.

What stood onstage was no present — nay, this was the Hotel's manager, its owner, and their "Father."

Her image was one of unsmiling dignity, and thus, though she did not come by often, no one dared to horse around whenever she was around.

Surely, Lyney had gone completely mad to have her make her appearance in such a frivolous way.

Yet, upon seeing the crowd's reaction, "Father" did not snap at anyone, opining merely that Lyney had kept this secret perfectly, just as a magic show should, declaring it worthy of praise.

That night, the children and their "Father" delighted in the various desserts together, and she personally sliced a serving of cake for each of them, which she herself enjoyed some of as well.

Perhaps the most amazing aspect of Lyney's Founding Day magic show was its ability to have even "Father" lay down her heavy burden and enjoy a brief moment of familial love.

Friendship level 5.

Magic and secrets piled up at Lyney's feet, growing ever taller like a tower. Gazing down from the top at the people as they passed by in the world below, Lyney knew there was no going back.

Both the dazzling sleights of hand and the missions he would come to receive from Hotel Bouffes d'ete had made a habitual liar out of him.

And while lies could sometimes be useful for seizing an advantage, they were more often employed to keep more people from being dragged into trouble.

Lyney knew very well that once trust had collapsed, the scales of judgment would no longer remain impartial, and even noble goals would become twisted and thought of as evil.

As such, not revealing more than was absolutely necessary was prudent when working with others. More often than not, this makes things go more smoothly, with everyone getting the results they want.

But lies will not simply scatter on the wind, and Lyney must maintain this illusion with utmost care, all the while keeping his distance from those affected.

As so the tower extended towards the skies, until there would be no one to take his hand if he reached out, and even their visages blurred in his eyes.

Falsehood was Lyney's constant and only companion on the path that he walked, and this road was long and lonely — this he was always clear-minded about.

Everyone knew the brilliant "Great Magician Lyney," but they loved only the mystery, the romance, the unattainable nature. They knew no love for the heart that lay deeper within.

He felt he had no right to pour out his mind to others, and yet he must carry on with gritted teeth, for the price of a fall from such heights was more than he could bear.

Having played too many parts, even Lyney would sometimes find himself questioning who "he" really was.

His dreams often took him back to the tower, where his resting place at the pinnacle vantage would grow smaller and smaller, and with the fog of death they called "betrayal" extending all around, there was nowhere for him to go.

But just before he could plummet, a hand grabbed onto him — and from it, he felt a familiar warmth that drew his soul back into his body, steadying "him" within himself once more.

"Thank you, Lynette..."

The awakening youth mumbled to himself.

Friendship level 6.

While Hotel Bouffes d'ete's operations in Fontaine work toward a just cause, its methods can often be radical. Only the influence of "Father" and her control over the inner workings of the Court of Fontaine prevent any serious incidents from occurring.

There was once an official funded by Lyney who served in the Maison Gardiennage. This person provided both intel in support of the Hotel's operations and scrubbed clean the effects of some of the Hotel's clandestine actions.

These were actions that came with no small risk, but the official always performed them well, for he believed that the Fontaine of the present day needed someone like "Father" who could bypass the many layers of laws and regulations and take direct action.

Lyney once joked to him: "I'll be there if you ever need help, and if you're in danger, I'll come to rescue you... Well, don't expect too much of that last bit. Just stay on guard, alright?"

The official knew that this was Lyney's way of expressing concern, of course. Yet even words spoken in jest could prove prophetic later, and so they did — this official's deeds were eventually discovered, and on the brink of capture, he used an emergency communication device to send a message to Lyney.

Upon discovering the device, the Gardes who arrived at the scene mocked the official's naivete, claiming that the signal sent merely informed his compatriots to save themselves — no one would be stupid enough to try to save him.

The official's reply was also quite simple — even such an ending would have been fine for him, for he did not believe that his prior cooperation was the wrong decision.

But just as the Gardes were about to arrest the official, thick smoke began billowing forth from dispensers pre-planted nearby, and the official caught sight of a brilliant blaze—

The next moment, he was in the drink in the Fleuve Cendre, and was rescued by Freminet.

It was said that the Gardes spent a great deal of time chasing after the skyborne flame-trail, believing that the criminal must have used some flying machine to flee the scene, only to discover later naught but wood dressed in clothes, affixed to a glider.

In truth, Lyney had earlier used this device to draw the Gardes' attention away before getting the official out of his predicament.

The official admitted that he had not had high hopes when pressing the device. Magicians were untrustworthy, after all — but still, he had chosen to gamble on that tiny chance.

"Haha. Well, it is indeed a gamble to place your trust in others."

"But don't worry. Magicians might be full of hot air, but we will never betray the expectations of our audience."

Friendship level 4: Rosseland.

There is a special entity amongst the cats adopted by Lyney and Lynette, and its name is "Rosseland."

Every cat in the Hotel has its own territory, but Rosseland has a special affinity for Lyney's hat.

A hat is a magician's most important prop, and each time Lyney must use it, he must first chase Rosseland out — a difficult affair when its displeased meows in response are so heartrending, especially to siblings like Lyney and Lynette, who themselves once struggled to find a home.

Thus the siblings began their search for a replacement, only to be met by refusal each time, no matter how lovely the new home — indeed, Rosseland would not even give them a second glance.

Lyney even specially commissioned an identical hat, thinking that this might put an end to the cat's choosiness, only for Rosseland to lay claim that new hat also, becoming aggrieved no matter which was whisked away.

But this was no feline tyranny. Indeed, Rosseland's requests were not terribly excessive. After much thought, Lyney eventually came up with a solution — to incorporate the cat into his magic shows.

He and Lynette constructed a little puppet inside the hat that would normally serve as Rosseland's cushion. During performances, Rosseland would burrow inside the puppet, causing it to jink this way and that in a mischievous and adorable manner.

And as it turned out, Rosseland was not at all shy — indeed, it greatly enjoyed its new job. Perhaps the spotlight brought it much enjoyment indeed, for it would never prove quite so predisposed to exclusive ownership again, even when it had to temporarily leave its nest when off-stage.

During one of his shows, Lyney once made a rare error, having left a card he needed to produce on-stage backstage.

With all eyes on him, he had mere seconds to think of a way to save the situation while maintaining his easy-going demeanor.

But to his surprise, there was an unexpected weight in his hovering hat — it should have been empty, but Rosseland had somehow found its way inside.

Out came the puppet, and out with it came the card Lyney had needed, to the instantaneous applause of all. Lyney heaved a sigh of relief, but he was also quite shocked, in truth.

Some thought was put into this matter — but Lyney could only conclude that Rosseland had, influenced by the twins as it was, also mastered the art of the magical performance somehow.

Friendship level 6: vision.

After Lynette gained the favor of the gods, the missions she had to undertake grew more dangerous and difficult.

Only Vision-wielders like Lynette could fulfill the most dangerous missions while remaining completely anonymous, and the twins began to operate separately more often as a result.

Lyney found himself unable to adapt to this. Not only had the siblings been together since childhood, but he knew that he was not the only one who felt disturbed by this split.

He still desired to be beside her, lending her all the help he could — this was his non-negotiable desire.

Knowing his desire for power was no longer pure, Lyney concluded that he had become undeserving of divine favor. Yet he still desired a means to bridge the vast gulf in strength between him and his sister, which he did not possess. Unless...

To this end, he solemnly sought out "Father," expressing his belief that he needed the mysterious and perilous might of a Delusion to operate alongside his sister.

"Father" was silent for a long while, till at last two slanted crosses pinned him in place with a wrath rarely shown to the children of the Hotel, her gaze seeming to pierce his very soul.

"And would Lynette want you to do this?"

Her simple yet powerful question cut through the strings that bound his heart, and in a daze, his sister's words once more reverberated in his ears.

"No one needs self-satisfied concern."

Lyney did not need to ask his sister to know that she would never accept his desire to stay by her side with the use of a Delusion. It was only then that he realized the absurdity of his wish.

"Father" stood up and left, but not before reminding him that this was not the first time he had lacked power, but that he had found an answer before.

Lyney would lock himself in his room, trying to digest the reasoning behind the words "Father" had left him with. When he and his sister had been out on the streets, the answer he had found then had been "magic." What, then, would the answer be now?

Lyney found the dossiers for all the missions Lynette had taken up during this period, carefully analyzing the process of each one and modeling his sister's every action.

Was it really necessary to pass through this dangerous valley to get close to a target?

Was it really a must to leap into such a swift river to flee the scene?

No, this was just the Vision's light covering her.

Thus did Lyney start to make comprehensive plans for his sister's missions, using his understanding of her to design the most suitable routes, make the most practical tools, and choose the best rendezvous points.

The pure desire to protect one's family would not be moved, gods' favor or no.

But even the best laid plans of mice and men may go awry. After conducting dozens of successful missions, the children of the Hotel were caught up in a betrayal, and as a result, Lynette's movements were exposed.

Before the siblings was a towering cliff, just like the night when Lynette had gained her Vision — but this time, it was Lyney's turn to reverse their fortunes in a moment of crisis.

He opened his emergency paraglider, and grabbing her, threw himself off the edge. But their pursuers followed, raining gunfire down on them.

Lyney twisted this way and that, avoiding many a shot, but still the glider was punctured in several spots. Unable to maintain balance, they began to plummet downward towards the embrace of the ground below.

Still, Lyney grit his teeth and refused to despair — should fate itself conspire to refute the answer he had come up with to protect his family, he would defy it to the end.

Their pursuers began to snicker, knowing that a fall at such speeds would be fatal — only to have a flame light up the skies, pushing the stricken glider toward a fast-flowing river nearby.

The power of Pyro changed the direction of their fall, while Anemo defended them from harm — and thus did the twin lights intertwine and spread under the moonlight, fading slowly like the applause that fills the stage during a curtain call.

Lyney did not guess at the meaning of the shining Vision he saw in his hand. The answer was, after all, no longer important.

[meenawrites]

Trudy Parenting Spider

SOOOOO here are some random thoughts I had about Trudy figuring out parenting and she's going to go about it!

I 100% think that she just barely sees a tiny Spider outside, somehow having breached the airlock on his own. His little cheeks are puffed out and he's holding his breath and she realizes that this kid is going to be an absolute menace to her heart and his own safety. So when he's finally allowed to go outside because he can fit into an exopack, she fashions a kiddy leash or something for him because she just knows if she doesn't watch him for a second he'll go bounding into some cranny or another and get himself eaten by a palulukan or something. The Sully kids think the leash is hilarious but Jake having Lo'ak as a rascal and Kiri who just randomly wanders off something totally gets it and applauds her decision. He can't get Neytiri to agree to one for the kids though. 

Trudy couldn't help but coddle the kid in Spanish when he was a kid so he used to go around as a toddler mixing up English and Spanish as a toddler, then eventually English, Spanish, and Na'vi. As soon as she decides she whole-heartedly taking this kid as her responsibility, she decides to teach him Spanish. Spanish becomes a language that connects just the two of them and it creates a tight bond between the two. Spider thinks Spanish curses are funnier than English ones so he'll randomly curse in Spanish under his breath and Norm will be like "I don't know what that means, but I know it isn't appropriate, young man!"

I think Trudy's go-to when addressing Spider is "Kiddo",  followed closely by "Bud" or "Buddy", "Rascal". I have to assume she uses some Spanish terms of endearment as well, but I'm not as well versed in those seeing as I'm not Hispanic (though I do get looked up and down and immediately get spoken to in Spanish most of the time so I'm flattered). I think she'd try to stay away from terms like mijo (my son) for a bit because she's unsure whether she should be putting some that distance between them or simply doesn't want to encroach on his feelings about his mom, but at some point when he's older it kind of slips out and Spider almost cries (he totally does and Trudy does too).

I think she would probably sit and watch Grace's video logs with him or with him and Kiri when she joined in because Spider's a voracious learner and he loves watching Grace talk about the biology of Pandora and its interconnectedness. Trudy learns a lot about Pandora in this way as well, and she misses Grace a lot while she's watching them. 

Like I think I said in a previous post, I think she definitely helps Spider prank the scientists here and there and they both run away from the aftermath laughing maniacally. 

Once she realizes how much Spider wants his height to be measured like the Sully kids, she totally carves a pole out of some fallen wood and sets it up in the room that they share and starts marking his height and cooking him whatever he wants when she sees he's grown taller. 

I imagine they share a room mostly because there probably aren't that many rooms to go around and when Spider was little and after the McCoskers, she wasn't okay with leaving him alone at night and neither was he okay with being alone. I think eventually, if the construct of the base allows for it, they would have like knocked a wall down or something and expanded the room for both of them, maybe drawn a curtain in the middle for some semblance of privacy. 

In my characterization of Spider (which I revealed in the latest installment of my Spider Chronicles fic) Spider is a great artist and he's been drawing since he was little so Trudy definitely has like the biggest collection of Spider's drawings and keeps his old sketchbooks and stuff. She notices that a consistent topic of his drawings is Kiri and she only gets portrayed more and more beautifully as he gets better, and she thinks it's hilariously adorable. She worries a bit for him and his love for the Na'vi girl with him being human and all, but at the moment they're too young for it to matter and frankly she's not quite sure what to do about it, so she just teases him about it every now and then. 

Trudy would definitely teach Spider how to pilot her kestrel, and one of his favorite activities with her since he was little was flying with her. He becomes better than Norm at piloting eventually which he doesn't cease to remind him. 

I think Trudy knows what it's like as a kid to not really get much physical affection from your parents and being touch-starved and she recognizes the signs in Spider almost immediately. It's a lot worse after the McCoskers who didn't even speak to him, let alone hug him, so she starts communicating to him as best (and awkwardly) as she can that it's okay to ask for hugs or to hold her hand, or just generally ask for anything he needs from her. He doesn't really go for it at first and never initiates anything because he doesn't want to be a burden so she changes tactics and just kind of demands physical affection from him like, "hold my hand" or "Spider, I need a hug" , and he slowly gets more comfortable with just grabbing her arm or holding his arms out for a hug or just generally wanting to be held. 

I think Trudy's always worried whether she's doing a good job for this kid or if she's missing something vital so she does watch how Neytiri and some other Omaticaya parents interact and handle their kids and like actually takes notes. Neytiri's really unnerved by her less than subtle staring until she sees her notes one day or something and is endeared. She tells her she can just ask her whatever questions she has in like a very tsundere way. 

If you guys have any ideas or asks please let me know! I finally figured out how to add the ask me questions button online so hopefully that's there for you guys.

[crit20art]

omg said i’d share an excerpt from the upcoming ch of Do It All Anew and i totally forgot. Here’s Jon and Martin with their new baby!!!!

On Jon’s shoulder, Aamal began to squirm. Martin’s attention—along with his entire heart and most of his brain—went to her, fingers spreading to brush her downy hair as his other hand reached for her without his telling it to do so.

“Jon, can I—?”

“Of course, of course, yes.” Jon shifted the baby to glance down at her, and mumbled, “Here we are, darling, yeah, here’s Martin, he’s here,” as he carefully tipped her Martin’s way. “Mind her head.”

“I know.”

“Just- hold her neck there—”

“I’ve got it, Jon,” Martin clucked, and might have taken offence if he had been able to focus on anything other than Aamal. He accepted her carefully, still taken aback by how easily her head rested in his hand, how the whole of her body fit along the belly of his arm.

“Oh,” he breathed as he melted back into the pillows, as he settled her gently wriggling body over his chest, “yeah, there we are. Hi, darling. Look,” he gasped, and laughed through returning tears, “look at you. Oh, my god.”

“Incredible, isn’t she?” Jon breathed, still leaned close.

“Y-yeah. God, yeah.”

Trembling, he tugged her tousled blanket up to tuck it properly around her, marvelling at each bit as he went: round belly still garnished with the pruned umbilical cord, odd little barrel chest, tiny shoulders hardly big enough for her head. She stretched an arm against his effort to swaddle her, and he couldn’t help but take the whole limb in his hand, brush his thumb along the folds of her skin to press against her curled fist, still a bit purple from birth. Her fingers spread at the pressure, so skinny and strange, not yet the chubby baby hands he’d expected. But then her fist closed around his finger and he forgot his expectations, or indeed anything happening beyond the tiny hand holding his.

Reverent, Martin touched his baby’s fingerprints.

“Here,” Jon said, and Martin jumped a bit, reminded that there was another person in the room. Bashful, he glanced up and found Jon offering him a wee cap, striped purple and white. “They lose a lot of heat through their heads.”

Martin breathed a tremulous laugh, so fond he could barely stand it. “Right, yeah. Want to…?”

“Ah- yes, yeah.” Jon scooted close and shimmied the little cap onto Aamal’s lumpy head, careful to cover her still-squashed ears. “There,” he sighed, “that’s it. All warm, now, aren’t we, darling.” Jon didn’t speak to her with the sort of baby voice that Martin knew himself to be prone to; instead he directed the full depth of his baritone into the softest intonation, creating a notion of confession, as if every gentle, earnest word he shared was a secret for the two of them.

It had Martin sniffling again already.

Turning back to Aamal, he touched the beginnings of ringlets curling, wispy, over the hem of her cap. He ran his knuckles along her fuzzy velvet cheek, blotchy with blood and melanin still settling, and sighed in wonder as she turned toward the sensation to make little fish-lipped explorations. He nudged a finger at her searching mouth, and chuckled softly as she pulled a funny grimace, all curled lip and scrunched nose. “Is that so, then? Mm, I see. Tell me more.”

Not yet a conversationalist, she squirmed and started to root for his finger. She gummed at his knuckle for a moment before tossing her head the other way and beginning to fuss, face twisting as her little fists lifted the blanket.

“Oh- hey, hey, you’re okay.” He shifted her, trying to ignore his heart rate picking up, telling himself this was not an emergency, despite what his frayed nerves insisted at her cries. “It’s okay, love. Yeah. You’re fine, it’s okay.”

more baby to follow!!!! really hoping to post the next chapter… this month? (<-hoping they have not cursed themself by putting a time table on it)

[lcnelyghost]

NOW THAT I SAW YOUR PINNED POST

I have so many ideas so be prepared for the spam 😋👍

For this just a Fluff of reader comforting Tate 'cause she finds him crying, just Fluff stuff with small spoon Tate please 🥺

aww, this is a rather good idea! god i’d hug tate forever if i could. thank you for the requests you’ve sent in my love! <3

——————————————————————————

hold me until the end

You awoke to the loud howling of the wind outside, immediately noticing that Tate’s side of the bed was empty. You sighed, sitting up and hopping off the bed. You sucked in air as you’re bare feet touched the cold flooring. Christ, could you ever get yourself to be warm enough in this house? No amount of fluffy clothing, soft blankets or even the fireplace was a match for you’re home. The only way you really felt warmed up was when you were in Tate’s arms. Even on the inside you felt you’re blood pumping quicker than usual. Now that was indeed enough to get you feeling warm again.

The floorboards creaked each time you took another step further throughout the house. Where was he? He’d always stayed with you until you woke up mid afternoon. He wasn’t one for taking randoms walks in this hellhole. The other spirits just had quite the habit for taunting him, and he could never be bothered with that. You didn’t blame him. Nora’s non stop sobbing and Hayden’s desperation for Ben to show himself to her was enough to drive anyone crazy.

“Tate? Tate?? Where are you?” You’re voice was loud enough for him to hear, despite it being the middle of the night. For a split second you thought you heard soft cries coming from downstairs. Not female cries, though. Definitely the sounds of a male.

“I swear if this is Ben..” you mumbled to yourself. He was another asshole you couldn’t put up with.

You made you’re way downstairs and finally realised that the sobs were actually coming from the basement. You winced slightly, you only went down there during the day and it always was with Tate. Though you knew that if you got attacked by anything, he’d appear in no time. Well, that’s what you hoped atleast..

The basement was pitch black. You were surprised that you didn’t fall down the stairs and end up on you’re ass. The cries only grew louder until you noticed someone in the corner, curled up in a ball, wailing.

You didn’t even need to guess who it was. You fully knew which ghost you were looking at..

“Tate?” You said softly. Tate tried to calm his cries a little, but failed sooner than he thought he would.

You crouched down to the level he was at, he only decided to lean his head on you’re shoulder in response. He sniffled before lifting it back up and looking in to you’re eyes.

“It’s all my fault, you know..” Tate whispered. You furrowed you’re brows whilst wiping a few tears that still lay on his cheeks.

“None of this would be happening if I wouldn’t have done what I did. I wouldn’t be stuck in this total shit house and you’d be living a normal life. We’d be like normal teenagers. Going out, enjoying the things we should, going to special little places with one another. But now that’s impossible and i’m stuck like the douchebag I always was. I’m sorry, Y/n. You deserve so much better. Maybe go have a chance at living a real life? For me? All I want is for you to be happy..” You’re heart almost stopped beating at his last sentence. You knew his words meant no harm, but leaving? Leaving without him??? That wasn’t happening at all.

You quickly grabbed him and pulled him closer, taking in a deep breath. “Tate, you know that isn’t gonna happen. I don’t wanna be like the rest of those girls out there. Them and the so called ‘loyal’ boyfriends they have. Or the whole shitty popularity thing. I don’t want that at all. If that’s what being normal is like, then stuff it. I love you, Tate. And when I say that, I mean it. I could never bring myself to walk out these doors and leave forever without you. You’re my forever. The one and only person I could give a shit about. I’m not throwing what I love away so easily. I’m sorry if you don’t want that, but I refuse to go anywhere.”

His lip quivered and the tears came back running down his face. No one had ever told him something like that. From the moment he saw you, he knew it was a one way love. But hearing those words from YOU? It didn’t even feel real anymore. Wishful thinking at most. You were so different and he loved that about you. All the girls he’d seen were total sluts and so unfaithful to anyone and everyone. You weren’t like that. You had natural beauty, a kind and funny personality, manners, everything he wanted.

You pressed you’re lips to his and went in for another one of those passionate kisses you gave each other in the past. You both pulled away with a loud smack, you’re cheeks burning.

You eventually returned to you’re room. Laying down on the bed and gesturing for Tate to come over. He lay beside you as you wrapped you’re arms around his surprisingly muscular waist. He snuggled into you’re embrace, softly humming to himself before shutting his eyes.

You slowly pulled you’re fingers through his hair, enjoying this moment as if it were to last forever..

“Forever,” Tate breathed. You smiled to yourself and got lost in thought. So he was a mind reader now? Oh well. He had a good point. If it was possible for moments like these to last forever, then you’d happily live with that.

[thedawningofthehour]

Hi!! Yes, hello, I cried again, thank you for that. Even though you said we „shouldn’t expect too much“, my heart is still very much cracked haha

ANYWAY, since the guessing game is still on, I was thinking a lot during this chapter. My guess is, either Raph has a really stupid idea that he‘s thinking through right now and that‘s why he‘s been so quiet OR smth happens to the Hueso place and he like sacrifices himself to get his family to escape like idk maybe EPF or smth knocks at the door and he holds them off

And so I was wondering if you could tell us when this stupid thing is gonna happen, I have a feeling it might be like the book 2 finale or somewhere close to that??

ALSO, I was wondering how you organise your chapters and the plot you write about. Do you have like a pinboard and put the NYC map on it and connect the dots with red yarn? (Detective style) or do you use some program or are just…weird and memorise it all?

Maybe he hasn't actually had the stupid idea yet, but he's definitely ruminating on everything that eventually compels him to make that decision.

The stupid thing will be a direct consequence of the final climax, so it'll be coming up here soon. I'm going to put up a poll probably after the next chapter.

I'm giddy that we're getting there, honestly. There's a foreshadow I put in literally in the single-digit chapters of Book 1 and when I wrote that I couldn't imagine actually getting to that point. I always feel like I'm going to die or something before I finish stuff, like, I was shocked when I finished doth.

Oh my goooood I am so terrible about plotting and outlines and stuff. I always, always feel like I'm in elementary school filling out a worksheet. I am basically this guy

except there is no paper because I haven't written anything down I'm just sleep deprived and rambling and smoking copious amounts of weed. (I have never smoked weed)

I know generally how the plots go, and as chapters draw closer I start thinking more specifically about where parts should go and where they would fit best. The whole war kick-off thing, that originally was going to happen after the third reverse-kidnapping, (the mall with the mercenaries one) but Gale and Mikey were still having their library trips, and that just seemed like an...awkward thing to have hanging over them. And it just didn't have to be. I could have cut that arc short, delayed the third reverse-kidnapping until after after the library meetings were discovered, or I could push off the war. And the war didn't need to happen then-if anything, it complicated the other plot points that needed to happen. And I think it worked out for the better this way.

I'm not totally satisfied with this method though. When I was writing Book 1, I had probably about half the fic written before I started posting-it was all in one document, Donnie's scenes were all together and Leo's scenes were in some incomprehensible order and often unfinished because I wasn't expecting to post anything and would just stop when I felt like it, when I finally committed to putting it to order I think I had like eight documents open at one point and three different highlighter colors to denote what I'd done in the master document, it was an ORDEAL-but it meant that I could group scenes together based on what was most effective, move things around very easily. The fact that Leo and Donnie's chapters were pointedly not happening at the same time helped a lot too. In Book 2, I end up writing with two, maybe three chapters planned ahead in my brain, and I feel like that forces me to sometimes rely on short-term climaxes that add to the word count but don't really do much for the story overall, or put off certain things that I don't particularly feel like writing at the time or don't know would work there. Book 2 would probably be significantly shorter if I'd plotted it out the way I did Book 1.

...What were we talking about? Oh! I do actually have a map of NYC open pretty much constantly in my fic window, it probably shows when they were driving around last chapter that I was literally going along the border with my pointer finger. But I'm terrible and I don't write any of this shit down. I usually remember, but there have been occasions where I've completely forgotten what I was going to do, and I think it was chapter 32 where I had pretty much finished the rest of the chapter and then realized I'd forgotten the final Leo scene-which was a pretty major scene. So I guess...yeah, weird and memorize sounds correct, but I don't actually do it that well.

[magneticflower]

Ok. What was that about songs? I’m READY. Totally all ears.

Are there any about Inej’s happy tie laughter and - Wylan’s fund for his father’s lawyer?

ask me about six of crows

AhH, thank you for indulging me sjsjs I am so sorry it took like 3 to 5 business days to finally answer this--- I was letting myself get too carried away with songs before I eventually made myself cut out down lmao.

I'll put the rest under readmore for the sake of sparing anyone who does not care sks

Oddly enough, I'm not starting off with Kanej but with Helnik because the song West Coast by Imagine Dragons makes my heart ache when I think of them. I could put every single lyric on here buT I'll refrain-- sorta. I'll make sure to just elaborate on this one and the Kanej one I have ---

In particular though--- the bridge describes their ending so well.

"I'll change my ways if you would stay And all your tears that you have cried will go away Oh, just grant me one more day Oh, my love, please don't give up See the Devil at my door I see the future of the ones that I've ignored I guess I was born to be at war And, my love, I won't give up So, my love, please don't give up."

Matthias being so ready to just go with Nina wherever that may be. Matthias wanting to to just be with her one more time that he uses every last bit of strength he has to make to her before he dies. The war line alluding to both of them and their lives as soldiers. It just HITS me in the heart 'cause it reminds me of them especially when I think of it all leading up to their moments together in Crooked Kingdom and Matthias' oath to her.

The pre-chorus also --

"I ain't no Superman, I ain't no Holy Ghost I'm just the one who keeps you up at night, you love the most I'll be your strong man, I'll be your West Coast I'll be the sun, I'll be the waves, I'll be the one you love the most."

---

For Kanej, the song Easy for You to Say by 5SOS. Once again, I want to throw out all the lyrics of the song fit Kaz's pov but I will stick to only one verse ----

"I feel it in moments, a semblance of free Between all the gaspin', I finally breathe So I hold on so tightly in times that I see Someone with striking resemblance to me A darkness that holds me and loves when I bleed It locks all the doors and then hides all the keys Wish someone had told me what I couldn't see A glimmer of hope that was starin' at me."

This song in particular come to when thinking of the infamous, "I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all," because the song is about saying one thing but having a hard time following through and that definitely happened with Kaz then. He was trying to be honest--- but the timing was off and wasn't ready to commit to what he needed to be willing to do to be with Inej.

"Easy for you to say Harder for me to take This nostalgia in my bones Why can't I forget it?"

I have more songs for them but this one has struck me the most at the moment.

----

And here I'll just narrowed it down to one or two songs (for most, couldn't help myself with Inej and Kaz) and won't go on a tangent for any of them for the sake of brevity haha.

The Crows as a Whole: Rescue Me by OneRepublic, Sharks by Imagine Dragons, Crossfire by Rag'nBone Man; Seven Nation Army cover by Haley Reinhart (Post-Modern Jukebox) Inej: Hallowed Ground by Bishop Briggs. Mine by Phoebe Ryan, Wanted by OneRepublic, Art of Survival by Bishop Briggs, Praying by Kesha Kaz: Cutthroat by Imagine Dragons, Payback by Vo, Lost by NF Feat Hopsin, Blinding by Florence + The Machine Jesper: Run and Go by TOP; Bang! by Ajr, Mistake by NF Nina: Dear Departed by The Band Perry; Baggage by Bishop Briggs Matthias: Changing of the Guard by Rag'n'Bone Man Wylan: Not Today by TOP Kanej: Kings by The Pierces Helink: Nostalgia by The Band Perry Wesper: So Tied Up by Cold War Kids (Specifically book wise) Bonus one for the Trio (Kaz, Inej, Jesper): Next to Me by Imagine Dragons

End of tangent but feel free to ask me about any of the songs if you wanna know why I chose them for the characters -- and feel free to tell me any songs you associate with the characters!

[mickmundy]

hiii (again lol) just wanted to elaborate a little, but there is so much in the way you write particularly Sniper and his struggles with shame, loneliness, that hunger (in all its forms) and complex parental relationships that just resonates so deeply. Reading (and rereading) through the series and the evocative way you describe everything and break down/talk through it within and in bonus posts has really helped me put words to some of own feelings and motivated me to work towards improvement!

(i hope its okay that i combined both of your asks, i didn’t want to risk mixing up my thoughts or leaving anything about either one unanswered! ;-; <3) FIRST OF ALL…… i’m ltierally so speechless ;;; thank you SO much for sending me this, it really means the entire universe to me… like i genuinely adore that something that i wrote from such a personal part of me is emotionally impacting people who read it… like it fills me with so much love knowing that there are people out there who can relate to….. sniper’s…….. yes… of course…. sniper’s……… journey with falling in love, internalized homophobia, sexual repression, rental trauma etc… sometimes being a human feels So Much and i really don’t know how else to describe it LOL but it’s… A Lot. in good and bad ways. and sometimes i’m just overwhelmed with emotion and i don’t know how to feel or what to feel or what i’m even feeling, i just know i’m feeling a LOT! and i’ve always felt like a total freak for how i process emotions and how i see love and so it just brings me so much comfort and joy to know that not only do people understand and appreciate sniper’s journey, but they also relate to it too ;;; i am holding all of our delicate hearts so close to my chest!! ;u; <3333

and YESSS ;;;; i love both of these things too, they were Big Deals to me to write. i cried when i wrote the first two chapters of fever over a year ago and back then i didn’t have anywhere near the amount of engagement (on here, twt, ao3, anywhere really) and so i was so scared that when i Would post this fic, i’d get laughed at or misunderstood (couldn’t decide which was worse lol) and so it’s really… like.. idk how to describe it… but it feels like a heavy hand on my shoulder in a really good way.. like the reception it’s gotten, i’m genuinely blown away… ;___; and i really appreciate people being comfortable enough to be Vulnerable with me like i feel like i’m being Vulnerable with you by posting my fics.., ;; i’ve cried a lot of tears as i’ve been writing these fics and they really are a massive part of Me (and my gf + our relationship heh) and i’m just so happy that people enjoy them…

the tenderness hurting more than pain..,., like idk how else to describe it lsdkfjsdjf. being told your whole life that you can’t let your emotions dominate you, you can’t let your feelings get in the way of What Really Matters (which as it turns out.. is… nothing really at all lol. or nothing that can’t be Enhanced With Feelings…!) and realizing later in life like oh my god. i’ve wasted so much time being This Person and now it’s not working anymore… and you cling to That Person because they’re all you’ve known how to be… and the idea of putting yourself out there as Who You Are and not Who You Were Told To Be… god it’s horrific. and so scary. and it sucks. but for the sake of love… you want to try… but how do you even try… well… with a lot of attempts! and after a while it starts to get a little more natural.. and a little more natural…. <3 hehe.. and the feeling of rejection from your parents (who you are desperate to please) for things that you can’t help or don’t even understand yourself… it feels really bleak. and sniper’s only been taught to just “power through it” but it’s like… that can’t work forever.. sometimes you need to turn around and Face what you feel… and shoving through it only works for so long…!

i’m so happy to hear that you’ve been inspired to improve yourself too, i’m right there with you!! being in a place emotionally where you find the ability to like. Look Within Yourself and at least Try to improve,, it’s really hard!! and sniper and medic doing it in their own unique ways (and the slow crawl that they do it at!) and seeing them be… not so great at it but they’re getting better! i think that’s a really human trait… like it’s okay that things don’t magically fall into place all at once Conveniently, you know what i mean? and i think with tf2 characters especially it’s like… they’re all immature, they’re far from perfect, but they’re also so capable of love… in their own ways hehe!! but i think that’s fun. i like that we can all have a little emotional vulnerability… together! :’)

thank you SO much again for this wonderful message, i sincerely adore talking with you about my writing and i am always so glad to hear that you enjoy it!! ;_; <333 ILYYYYYY MY DEAR FRIEND ;_____; <3333333

[imisssparkling1989]

@taylorswift @taylornation

Screaming. Crying. Omg best TV album. Hi, it's me, Kelly, I'm the problem. I've been streaming 1989 TV since midnight and have officially soaked in all the prior songs and the vault songs. Gotta say, these vault songs are epic *chefs kiss*

I know I don't write on Tumblr much, but I hope you read my original Tumblr post on how important your music is. I am still without a job, but everyday I stream your music or have it on a vinyl playing <3 It help's during the tough days, which seem to be a bit more often lately.

Every time I see another 1989 baby conquering and succeeding the way you are it inspires me to follow my passions, but to also work hard on them too. I've just been so inspired and diving into my creativity.

Can we please talk about "Now That We Don't Talk Anymore" being a TOTAL ANTHEM!!! I have been screaming this song all day and when I hear the chorus I get chills. "I CANNOT BE YOUR FRIEND" ooooof such a line Taylor! Slay.

My dog Oliver LOVES your song "Is It Over Now" he loves the beats and perks his head side to side. I have to get it on a video lol. He also loves "Exile" and curls up next to me and lays his head on my laptop while it plays. He's a fan :)

Btw, that is another song I feel in my bones. Seeing your live surprise song performance of it broke me. Taylor you can't do that to us lol <3

Thank you for putting my 34 years of girlhood into words my whole life. I cannot believe I get to live in a time where you exist. Your songs are poetry, therapy, joy, and so much more. Music has always been my "thing" and your music has always been my favorite. It could also be because my horoscopes cancer, you know we love to be in our feelings LOL.

I remember during my hardest times you were releasing music when I happen to have been losing a family member (Reputation, Red TV, Folklore, Evermore). So many nights I put my airpods on and cried to sleep listening to your music. It sounds sad, but I promise you, without your music, I don't know where I'd be. Your music drowned my thoughts and allowed me to be in another world- even if it was just a short time.

Okay, back to streaming. I'm aiming to get into the top 0.1% on your Spotify because frankly I'm insulted I didn't make it and couldn't go to the ERA's movie premier hahahaha. BTW saw it on IMAX 3 times and danced the night away each time. My heart left full the last night in particular when a young group of girls ran to the front to sing and dance to "The Man." Imagine, I was a kid when I started listneing you. Now, I was looking at future Swifties and just knowing what a beautiful life they have ahead of them. They knew every song especially your earlier work. Magical. Byyyyye

"No, it's Becky."