#I really hope they’re both level 20. top of their classes badasses

[noonmutter]

Mun Dash Game

Rules: Name your top 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people.

Editor’s note: These are in no ranked order or anything like that, they’re just ten favorites as I could think of them.

Bismuth - Steven Universe. You may notice a theme here; I like my characters complex, their motivations valid, their decisions misguided, and their actions questioned by everyone, often including themselves. I loved Bismuth’s entire concept and I’m sad that she hasn’t had more time front and center to develop beyond her introduction as both a plot device and as a catalyst for Steven’s advancement. Same story with Jasper, though she got a few more appearances. I want to see these people grow and for the people they hurt to grow with them, damn it. Even if that growth is downward into an even worse state, I want to see it because positive or negative, emotional fallout is awesome.

Demona - Gargoyles. There was going to be a Gargoyles character here and I am basically legally obligated to pick either Demona or Thailog because I am a sucker for great voices and tragic villains. Demona’s story wins out by a decent margin because her suffering was entirely borne of her own poor decisions, many of which she felt were right at the time. She just refused to accept that she was wrong or that she could try to make things better at any time, and I was fascinated by that from the first time I saw it. This shit was in a kids’ show that predates Steven Universe by 19 years.

Baby Doll - Batman: TAS. She only showed up once (in the original animation style, anyway) but good god damn did it count. She was angry, hurt, belittled, and so unbearably lonely that when everything fell apart and the dust settled and she couldn’t kill all her problems away, she just broke down. “Why couldn’t you just let me make believe?!” is still crystallized in my head, and it still gives me little pangs when I think of it. And at the end of it all, she sobbed “I didn’t mean to” as she hugged Batman’s leg. And he comforted her. Also in a kids’ show that predates Steven Universe by 21 years.

Scanlan Shorthalt - Critical Role, Campaign 1. I bet you thought after those first three it’d probably be Vax or Percy, but... Look, the character was fantastic and the player made him that way and frankly made that campaign. He’s my go-to for when I need a good cry, and he’s why I learned to build a bard. The same man who started the campaign by asking his bestie what the worst race/class combo was and saying “Okay I’ll play that,” at the end of the campaign made the word “Nine” hit his fellow players and viewers in the chest like a sledgehammer, and nobody has topped that since. His second campaign character, Nott, has also got one of the most poignant backstories I’ve heard in a while, and man will it twist yer gut. Meanwhile both of those characters provide some of the best goddamn comic relief you’re liable to find. Emmy Winner Sam Riegel, ladies and gentlemen.

Francis - Left 4 Dead. I love this grumpy asshole biker. I love that Steam took his “I hate everything” (except vests) schtick and ran with it. I love that the trailers for the second game included him and Rochelle meeting up and commiserating on their hatred of everything, up until Rochelle says she hates his vest and he short-circuits. I miss Francis and I miss playing Left 4 Dead all the time and I yearn for a remaster or rerelease that works better with current setups cuz the original one has uh... not aged well, technologically. Francis and Zoey made life worth livin’ in that game.

Jogurt - Shining Force. This is probably the most obscure one on my list but that’s because Shining Force is an old-ass Genesis game/franchise that is, I admit, pretty generic as far as the plot goes. I love it to pieces regardless because it had some fun with it, and the character designs were wierd and some of the interactions were downright silly. Jogurt was the easter egg secret character in this game, and he’s a little hamster thing with a football helmet on. At the time you get him, most of your fighters have stats in the 20s or potentially 30s and their level is 9, 10, or they’ve been promoted to a new class; every single one of his stats is one and he had not been promoted. If you are able to keep him alive long enough to get him the XP necessary to level up just once, which takes some doing since an enemy can be unarmed and as long as they don’t miss, they kill him, you’ll get a ring called the Yogurt Ring.

When worn, it makes a character look like Jogurt. In the remake for Game Boy Advance, the image for the character shows that it’s a costume with a huge visible zipper up the back. That’s all it does. That’s the joke. And I adore it.

Freddy Krueger - A Nightmare on Elm Street series. I have a love-hate relationship with Freddy. On the one hand, creativity in horror movies--especially in the kills--is something to be embraced, and no matter what else you think of them the Elm Street movies got real fuckin’ creative most of the time. On the other...there have been nine (official) movies with Krueger in them, and only the first three were good. The remake in 2010 was disappointing because it tried to both play to nostalgia and ignore it at the same time and also made Freddy darker, which made him less fun to watch.

Still, I enjoyed the hell outta Freddy’s concept, for much the same reason that I love Chucky the Good Guy Doll so much: they’re both snarky monsters who really enjoy the horrors they’re inflicting and they have incredible presence because of the actors who brought them to life. (Mark Hammill worked with what they gave him for Chucky but uh...what they gave him sucked).

Lorewalker Cho/Margeaux - World of Warcraft. The first, because he’s voiced by Jim Cummings and he’s a knowledge-hungry panda who Blizzard has not been stupid enough to kill off thus far. In the middle of an attack by what is basically Cthulhu, he wants to you bring him research notes on Cthulhu’s fishmen. I love him and I would commit war crimes for him.

The second, because she was a bit character that had me fully invested in her and her story within ten minutes. And then Blizzard ripped my fucking heart out. And I yelled at Questifer about it. Aaaaaaaa.

Granny Weatherwax/Sam Vimes - Discworld. They’re both staggering badasses who have neither time nor tolerance for the bullshit trappings of men, while at the same time harboring a deep and abiding love for their fellow beings. They also approach that from completely different ends. They are also both unquestionably the most noble characters I’ve ever read. They are the sum of their principles and their refusal to budge. Steve Rogers could learn from them. In D&D, they’d be paladins to their core, and they’d absolutely hate that.

Spawn - Image Comics. I have, admittedly, read exactly one Spawn comic book, and mostly love him because of his design, his backstory, and the fact that he’s voiced by Keith David in all animated iterations including video game appearances (and only the animated ones were ever good--the 90s movie was fucking horrible). I am hoping the rumored new movie will make things a bit better for the live-action version, but until that actually comes out, I’m not holding my breath.

Tagged by: @safrona-shadowsun and @ourcollectivefantasy

Tagging: Have you done it? Then you’re it.

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War - Part 3 : Isn’t it Ayronic?

Part 2

Welcome back to Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: The Name is Very Long.  When we left off, we were in Evans Castle, preparing to fight back a terribly dangerous and exciting attack on our way of life!  So you know what that means… time to learn about new gameplay mechanics whoo!

Welcome to the castle screen, wherein you start every chapter except the first one.  In here we can have characters visit the local town, wait to heal up, assign them to guard the castle, and obviously decide who will be in the army you sortie for each map. There’s no character limit, so you can send everyone; and unless they end up totally shitty and useless (ALEC AND NOISH) you might as well, honestly.  

Let’s start off by visiting the village.  

As you can see, there are six options when in the castle town, and you’ll be needing about four of them.

Blacksmith: Repairs your weapons and staves for money. The better the weapon, the more it costs, but characters with good weapons have the easiest time making money because…

Arena: Fight in gladiator matches to earn experience points and money. Only characters that can fight, obviously; those who don’t have an offensive weapon to bring in need not apply.  There are seven fights to go through in each chapter, each harder than the one before it, and honestly there are some characters who simply cannot make it through them all, period (ALEC AND NOISH). But you should always try to get everyone as far as they can for the extra EXP and the sweet, sweet money.  

Also, it can be save scummed. See, Genealogy is super huge, so it lets you save the game at the start of every turn, as long as none of your characters have spent their turn. Using the arena does not count as using a turn.  So there’s nothing stopping you from saving and reloading after victories until you get favorable RNG in terms of winning battles and gaining levels. But that would be morally wrong.  Bwhahahaha.

Pawnbroker: Buys and sells weapons/items. Because characters cannot trade weapons to each other, because this game was designed by the Devil, the only way to move an item from one character to another is to have them sell it to the Pawnbroker and then buy it back with a different person.  

Augury: Look up what units are approaching a Romance with each other, and how many kills a unit has. Interesting, but not super useful since your control over Romances are fairly limited (if two characters are showing up as ready to romance here, then you have to be very lucky to stop it), and knowing how many kills they’ve gotten is neat but doesn’t actually help anything.

Supply: Store items you don’t have room for. Really aren’t enough items in the game to bother with this, because if a character doesn’t have room to hold something, they should probably sell it to someone who can put it to use.  

Armory: Sells a limited supply of new weapons for better prices than the pawn shop, but you can’t sell your own things to them and their supply is limited.  Restocks occasionally throughout the campaign, so check it every chapter. To start:

Nothing great, but I have Finn buy the Javelin to give him a distance option, upgrade Lex to a Steel Axe (but do not sell his Iron Axe! It’s important later, seriously!) and have Arden buy the Slim Sword to help his accuracy a little. I also go to the Pawnshop, and sell Sigurd’s Steel Sword to let Alec buy it.  Now it’s time to cheese the shit out of properly and politely face the Arena. It’s super tedious to both do and watch, so I’ll do the basics first and then proceed to do it off-screen with everyone.

Step 1: Enter the arena and pick a weapon to use.  

Step 2: Be told who your enemy will be, so if they’re not a good match for the weapon you picked you might as well just quit, go back, and pick a different one if you can.  

Step 3: Kick ass. All battles in the arena are to the finish; units will just keep attacking like in normal battles until one is defeated. Don’t worry if you lose; you don’t die, it will just leave your unit back in the castle with 1HP.  Conversely, if they win, they’re healed to full.  

Step 4: Get money! Each tier gives you a 500 more than the tier before it, so winning all of them is a pretty hefty payday.  

Now, let’s do this. See you in sixty years.  

Sigurd:  7 wins, gained two levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck

Quan:  7 Wins, gained three levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength,  + 1 Luck, +2 Defense

Arden: 5 wins, gained one level.  +1 HP +1 Speed

Noish: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Speed +1 Defense

Lex: Five wins, gained three levels.  +2 HP, +2 Luck, +3 Defense

Azel: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck

Ethlyn: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Alec: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Resistance

Finn: 4 Wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed

Midir: 5 wins, gained two crappy levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill

Not… great. I was hoping more people would be able to win, but tier four is a super fast sword guy that tripped a lot of people up, and tier six is a stupid fast wind mage that tended to crush the people who made it past him. Only Sigurd and Quan were badass enough to finish the whole thing. I’ll try again with some of them near the end of the chapter, after they’ve gained some levels in the field.

That done, let’s head right on out, and meet the Verdane invasion. I assume they’re still coming, even though we spent ten million years in the arena.

So here we go. Three enemy castles, one neutral castle at Nordion, and our home base in Evans. There are also three villages; one directly south of Evans, one to the south-central portion of the map near the second enemy castle, Marpha, and one directly to the west of that. All of them just give out money and lore info, so if you miss one it isn’t a huge loss, but we’ll try to get them all anyway. And of course, before we do anything else, checking the menu screen…

Shows Quan and Finn have a conversation to have.  We send them out of the castle to chat.

Quan: Thank you, Finn.

Finn: Even so, I am but a page… It honors me to have your confidence, but I doubt I’ll be much use to you.  

Quan: Is that so? In that case, what better time than now for a spot of hands-on training? Draw, Finn!

Finn: Yes, sir!

This conversation gives Finn a permanent +1 to Strength, Skill, and Defense, and now you start to see why he is better than Alec and Noish. This is not the last time Quan or Ethlyn just randomly gives him an awesome present; apparently the Lenster Royal Family are great bosses.   We deploy the rest of the army, move them as far toward Genoa as they can travel, and end our turn. No enemies are close enough to reach us or to reach any of the villages, so the enemy phase goes by quickly, and…

(Oh, hey, story is happening. You might remember Prince Jamke from the chapter start cutscene. He is handsome, young, and not smirking like a jackass, so you probably guessed he was the good prince. Well, you weren’t wrong.)

Jamke: You need to get as far away as you can before Gandolf finds out!

Aideen: Pardon me, Prince Jamke, but are you not joining us?

Jamke: No. I won’t stand for my brothers’ vile ways, but I won’t just betray my father, either. I’m going back to the capital. I’m going to try, one more time, to convince my father.

Aideen: You’re right… we must do all we can to end this war as soon as possible. Prince Jamke, I would sooner not burden you alone, but you are our only hope to persuade King Batur to end this.

(Oh good, the obnoxious child character is joining the cast. I really love how everything needs to have one of those.)

(Jamke, you’re okay in my book.)

Jamke: If Aideen hadn’t insisted on letting you go too, you’d still be sitting in chains. Now, what did you promise to do?

Dew: I know, I know. I promised Aideen too. I’m washin’ my hands of thievin’ from now on. Can I go now?

Jamke: I’ll take your word for it. Now, go already!

(Jamke heads back to Verdane Castle, and we zoom in to Marpha to see Bandana Rapist learning his life has gone wrong.)

Gandolf: Gah! Damn my rat of a brother! Boys! We’re taking the wench and the brat back! If they put up a fight, kill ‘em if you have to!

Well, on the down side, we got an entire second army heading our way now. That’s not ideal. But hey, two new characters! Let’s check ‘em out.

First, Aideen, the team’s first Priest. Her class can’t fight at all until they promote, and she has no abilities at all, so she’s not gonna be super good for dealing with this army that’s right next to her. But hey, she’ll be wonderful when we get her home, because she’s a much better healer than Ethlyn. Her magic is higher, and her Mend staff is better than Ethlyn’s Heal staff on top of that; I might have them trade out later, but for now they can stick where they are.  In addition, her speed, luck, and resistance are all solid, so she can do a very good job of tanking against mage units when we run into some.  She does have Minor Ullur Blood, but can’t get the greatest benefit from it because the weapon it empowers is Bows, which can’t use. It does improve her HP Growths by +20% and her Luck growths by +30%. She can also have a conversation with Ethlyn that will get her a gift. They did grow up next door to each other, after all.  

And… then there’s Dew. He’s… I just hate him so much.  As you can see, he is a melee unit despite having Strength and Defense that are total garbage.  His Speed and Luck are excellent, so he’ll dodge well, and he’s level 1 so he’ll grow quickly, but at this point in the game he will break like cheap glass under any attack at all.  

That said, he’s not worthless, and in fact is very useful if leveled up.  He comes with three abilities that are all quite excellent: Steal, which lets him take the gold from any enemy he lands a hit on; Sol, which has a chance of causing any damage he causes to heal him; and Bargain, which cuts the prices in half for him when shopping at stores.  Plus, as a Thief, he is the only class that can give his gold to any other unit, where most units can only give gold to their own Lover.  So you see, his primary role in the army for the foreseeable future will be to rob the shit out of axe dudes who can’t hit him, and then give that money to people who are useful.  Then, with luck, he will gain a few levels while doing this and his reasonably good growths will give him the stats to actually contribute to the army.

TL;DR, I hate Dew but I’mma use him anyway because he’s actually not a bad unit, despite having a very slow start. I just hate him anyway because I’m a miserable child-hating bastard. 

I have Aideen run away, and have Dew camp out on the village nearby. He basically can’t be hit by the axe units of Verdane as long as he’s standing on a defensive terrain of some sort, and while he won’t kill anything, he can at least chip away and steal some gold.  

Back to the main army, we move south to start the attack on Kinbaith’s army. He himself isn’t anything special, and his army is mostly crap despite his two Leadership Stars buffing them, but he’s a pain in the ass for one specific reason:

Note that little bag icon next to his Hand Axe? That symbolizes an item which will drop when the enemy is killed, ending up in the inventory of whoever kills them. Now since units cannot trade items because of the dark influence of Satan Who Is the Devil, this means you preferably want any unit with a drop item to be killed by someone who can put it to good use right away. This is annoying from the very get go and never stops being annoying.  This is actually one of the less terrible ones; the only person who can use the Hand Axe at all is Lex, so we want Lex to kill Kinbaith if at all possible. At least Lex can fight, so that ain’t too bad. Time to rock!  

First, the unit going for the nearby village gets to meet Sigurd.  

I don’t think he enjoyed the meeting. It’s okay, neither did I, that level was pretty crap.  Everyone else has been put onto a forest to let Kinbaith’s idiot squad crash against us like waves upon the sand. Let’s watch.  

I would like to thank my kids for their expert dodging.  Don’t know how Noish pulled it off, since he has been playing the game like he has a magnet in his face, but hey. Only one person took a hit, and two kills. And Dew is so guaranteed to dodge the enemy didn’t even take a swing at him. Wimps. I start off my turn by having Aideen run away, and letting him take a shot of his own.  

God, look at that shit damage. Everything about you is bad, Dew. Thanks for the money, though. Other characters take their shots at the units Noish weakened in his bout of random matrix dodging. Azel, Quan, Noish, and Sigurd all get kills of weakened enemies, but only one person gains a level on this turn…  

And he’s starting to scare me. Just… who is this guy. I’ve never had Finn turn out this good, never. He’s going from ‘pretty okay’ to ‘endgame tier’ with surprising speed.  I’m not complaining, exactly, but I’m starting to worry if he’s sucking the power out of everyone else to fuel his demonic rise.  

Um… end turn, I guess. We broke the back of Kinbaith’s army and the rest are set to charge a giant wall of metal once again. That should be funny.

… Unless Alec ruins this for me. Don’t ruin this for me, Alec.

… Why would he go after Midir? The one person who could counter him?

Guys. There’s a whole other army of people who can’t fight back against you.

I shouldn’t be having to give you tactical advice!

… You know, I mean, I shouldn’t complain, this was pretty great for me. But it’s almost frustrating to see it happening.  

The enemy phase ends when the little army near Dew takes on swing at him; the commander has a small shot to connect, and tries. It doesn’t work.

This may take awhile. I have him attack and rob another random axe dude, and then go back up to the main army and rock shit out.  Arden! Kill!

I’m almost relieved that wasn’t amazing. It feels more normal. FINN! KILL!

BEHOLD MY POWER! NOISH! FAIL ME!

We’ve grown so amazing that even Noish can’t fail us anymore! Bwhahahahahaahahha… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  SIGURD, TEACH KINBAITH TO FEAR ME!

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXX!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* I’m… sorry. I mean. I’m not used to things lining up so beautifully on this run, so I went a little mad with power. That was just… that was goddamn textbook. And Lex even gained a perfect level to cap it off and… what’s happening. Is this joy? I’m feeling joy.  *sigh* It’s nice. It won’t last, but it’s nice.  

Two enemies left. Azel walks up and eats the archer….

*sniff* I may cry. One guy left and three people to four people to hit him with.  Just to be safe, I run Ethlyn in to heal Alec, then feed the last kill to him and Midir.

Midir takes a hit, just to make me unhappy after his perfect performance, but he gets the kill. I’ll allow it. End. Turn.

… Yeah, before we do anything with Ayra, we need to get people down there to help Dew. He has a 6% chance to die and I don’t trust those odds.  Ethlyn heals up Midir, and then takes the nearby village.  

(Well, I have good news for you, then.)

Woman who wasn’t paying attention: Barely a month goes by without him settin’ his army on us. It’s terrifyin’! King Batur, his father, used to do such a fine job of keeping him check. I can hardly imagine what’s goin’ on… anyway, glad you stopped by!

Great conversationalist, that one.  Run, run, run to the southwest, my minions!  Go and save the annoying child character!

Who is, to be fair, not doing super bad. Would have liked some strength there, but I can live with more speed. Lower that 6% chance to die until I can get some friends your way.

Back with the main army, Aideen has finally reached the team. I have her and Midir chat setting them up to one day have beautiful romance.

Midir: I’m so sorry I failed to protect you. Please, forgive me…

Aideen: The important part is that you’re safe as well, Midir. Please, don’t worry about it. You gave your all to protect me, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that, even if you didn’t succeed. For now, I’d like you to remain with Sigurd. He could use your strength.

(Ordinarily I would challenge that assumption, but in this case she’s actually not wrong. Midir has been rocking out this run.)

Midir: Certainly, Milady. He’s done so much for me, for you, and for all of Jungby. I’ll do all I can to return his kindness.

That done, we have Aideen heal his ouchies and move the army down another run toward Dew. We’re coming, little dude! Slowly are we coming!

Right after we have more conversations!

Aideen: Please accept my apologies. I’ve put the people of Chalphy through nothing but danger…

Sigurd: Don’t worry about it. Everyone will be glad to know you’re safe. You’ve nothing to worry about anymore. The road back to Jungby is secure for you, when you’re ready.

Aideen: No, I wish to remain here. Injuries are inevitable in war. As a humble servant of the gods, it is my duty to stay here and aid the wounded.

Sigurd: Say… Aideen, as I recall, you declined to pursue a knighthood and instead joined the clergy. Am I right? I shouldn’t be surprised, knowing how easily people warm to you, and you them. I’d do well to learn from your example!

Aideen: Thank you, Lord Sigurd, but that isn’t entirely true. Initially, I sought priesthood in a bid to help me find my sister. Even now, I still believe this is the answer I seek.

Sigurd: You mean Bridget… I’d heard she went missing as a child. So all this time, Aideen, you’ve been praying for her sake, haven’t you?

Aideen: Yes. I know we’ll meet someday. No matter what happens, I must give her this: her sacred birthright, the bow Yewfelle!

… … … I am suddenly very much looking forward to meeting Bridget, oh yes.  The army moves southwest again, Quan and Alec stopping in range of Verdane’s second army, and Ethlyn stopping next to Aideen. One more conversation to have…

Aideen: It’s difficult to convey my thanks, but please, take this staff. I think you’ll have more use for it than me.

Ethlyn: Is this… a Return staff?! Oh, thank you, Aideen! I’ll put it to good use to help us all.

Yes, thank you, Aideen! The Return staff let’s Ethlyn warp a unit back to our home base from anywhere on the map, which is very helpful if unexpected enemies appear or you just want to get a new unit home to run the Arena.  Even better, it gives Ethlyn roughly triple the experience of healing someone, so it helps her levels shoot up much faster. All in all, a great new toy.  

With that, we move Alec and Quan into range of the enemy, and end our turn. Let’s see how this goes.

… Not great. Alec dodges, but Quan takes two hits despite being parked on a forest. My own dumb fault, I forgot to unequip his Javelin.  Luckily, nobody else can get to him, and the rest of the team is near enough to help on our next turn. Rest of the team! Help!

Well… Lex helps, anyway. Alec reminds us he’s here to disappoint, taking a shot that puts his health in the danger zone. I have him run back to Aideen, and move Quan to save himself, as he was always destined to do.

With that out of the way, he runs back to his wife for a kiss and hot cocoa, while Sigurd runs forward to assassinate the enemy commander.

… Almost. Dew lightly pokes another gentleman, and… *sigh*… I might have screwed up. They have 0% chance to hit Dew, so... End turn…

Yeah, picture this exact scene six times as Sigurd steals all the experience for himself. Dammit, did not think this through.

…. I mean… I totally planned this. Yeah. All part of my master scheme.

The only exceptions to the remorseless one-sided slaughter are one guy who goes up to hit Lex… and misses… and the Commander, who takes another shot at Dew… and misses. When my turn comes around again, I have Midir execute Lex’s attacker. He levels…

And you know, forget Aideen, I want to marry Midir at this point.  Finn runs down to Javelin the second-to-last soldier, who is attacking the village Dew was sheltering in. Ethlyn runs down to join them, giving the commander another target; I’d like Dew to get the kill, but on the way there I want him to have 100% perfect health just to be safe. She levels up from healing the little bastard.

… What is with you this run, honey? You’re letting your husband and brother down. Still, we have things mostly under control, so…

Well fuck you too, buddy. And worse, the commander I wanted Dew to kill foils my scheme and takes a shot at Finn instead.  

So Finn is wounded, badly. Reinforcements are coming. Time to run! Ethlyn heals Finn and they both make a break for it. I leave just Dew, sitting on a tree, as a distraction. Without that commander, nothing can hit him, so he’ll be a perfect roadblock as long as he stays on defensive terrain. It’s time for the rest of the team to go… *twitch*… go… try to recruit Ayra.  You might think with Kinbaith dead she’d be friendly. This is not true. And getting near her is incredibly risky for one. Big. Reason.

Astra is a venerable Fire Emblem special ability, and Ayra is (unless I’m mistaken) the first user of it, back when it was really broken. Later versions have those five strikes do half damage, but Ayra’s is just five normally-powered strikes in a row. If she hits you with that, pretty much any unit will die. And if they don’t die, they might kill her, because she’s not very durable. So I need someone she can’t Astra and who definitely won’t be able to kill her, to act as a distraction…. Huh…

Hahahaha, no. Maybe if you hadn’t spent this whole game being a sack of garbage and had gotten some good levels, but as you are now she won’t even need Astra to kick your ass. Get back in the corner, Alec. We will be using Finn, who will run from her when she gets close. Run like a coward. End turn!

I realize it doesn’t look like it, but I’m totally winning this map.

Finn gets close enough to Ayra to set her off. The idea is to have her run after him around the forest while Sigurd runs in, kills all her little buddies, and takes the castle. Once Shanan is free, then she can be reasoned with. Sigurd is ready, Finn is close enough… I think… and a few helpful units are near enough to draw a little pressure off Dew while we work. End turn…

Shit her little handaxe bros came out after us first!  This could go badly. This… this could be bad. Please don’t be bad, game, please…

…………. I mean… I planned this. Yeah.

Did not plan that though. Azel is supposed to be support but he could die here and ruin my happy accident cunning plan with Finn if he gets attacked and hit again.  

Oh God bless you, you beautiful caped madman.  

…. Here she comes. I heal Azel, move the rest of the army away from Ayra, and… and pray, mostly. Go after Finn. Go after Finn you evil bitch. Please. Please, he set you off.

Meanwhile, Verdane’s army pulls some stupid stuff. Most of them go after Lex, who levels from it, but Azel gets a few as well and also gains.  

Tolerable, if not the raw perfection I’m used to this chapter. Noish gets some ‘love’ and levels up too, but I didn’t screencap that because he got literally nothing. No points. In anything. I hate him so much.  

On my turn, we’re in a very precarious situation. Ayra is in a position where she could chase Finn, Quan, or Sigurd, and I can’t be sure who she’ll go for.  Meanwhile, the army itself is outnumbered by Verdane. This is turning into a shitshow, so my first priority even above Ayra is to thin the enemy’s numbers. Alec and Azel start by getting kills and…

… Huh. It finally happened. Even Alec doesn’t want to be associated with Noish anymore. Damn.  Dew plinks away at the enemy yet again, gaining his second level.

Maybe Noish’s role in the army is to inspire everyone else to not be like him? I know it sounds like I’m joking, but everyone else on the team scores a kill without being damaged.

Meanwhile, Quan, Finn, and Sigurd are all still in Ayra’s range. Two are parked on forests with spears to give them weapon advantage. One is not. This will be… ugly.

Please, game. Show some mercy.

The enemy phase goes perfectly fine for most of it. Nobody levels, but nobody dies and that’s a fair damn trade in my book.

And then Ayra goes for Finn.

Come on Finn…

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FINN…

*sigh* Astra.

Reset! I figured I’d lose at least one to her, but still. Frustration. 

Restarting from the beginning of the turn, things proceed identically up to that point. Dew gets a slightly different level because I send him a different unit, changing the RNG of his level; a point of Speed instead of a point of Defense, not really a fair trade for him, but otherwise it’s the same.

This time, with Sigurd and co, I have them not kill Ayra’s buddies, and instead have them run like terrified children. Sigurd toward the castle, Quan and Finn away.  Maybe this will work.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!  Okay. For now, we just need to have Quan and Finn up there stay out of her range at all costs, while Sigurd goes and besieges the castle by himself. That is much more realistic than fighting Ayra. Trust me.

Game is saved, and I win. Eventually. I start my turn with Aideen healing, and unlike Ethlyn she knows how we do here.

Welcome to the team, Ms. Of Jungby.  I’m very pleased to see you here. From here, I have the team rush out to meet Verdane head on, kicking ass, taking names, and nobody levels up except Alec.

Eh, still better than Noish!

Now, this was super risky and I might very well regret it. But, unless I’m wrong there’s just not enough of them left to really kill anyone; pretty much everyone is full health and they’re guarding each other’s back in a big way. Hopefully I’m not wrong.

If I am wrong, well, I did just save. Two resets is not bad.

Quan and Finn run away like frightened children, and Sigurd goes to storm the castle.   Nothing much happens, though; the castle guard has tons of health, but can’t hit Sigurd because hand-axes are inaccurate against swords. Then he immediately kills himself rushing against Siggy again on the enemy phase. Now all we need is for the main army to live!

… Ethlyn, if you fuck this up for me, I swear.

Thankfully, the others all go for Dew and miss him, so we’re pretty set. All that’s left of Verdane’s army on the map is two archers, two axe dudes, and Ayra. And soon, not even that.  Sigurd wrecks axe-dude number one, levels,

I’ll take it. And while we’re on the subject, I will also take the castle! 

Sigurd: What’s the matter? Why are you silent? I want to know why you were held here.

Shanan: You’re not one of Kinbaith’s lot… are you?

Sigurd: We’ve dealt with Kinbaith. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Shanan: Oh! So Ayra doesn’t have to keep fighting! My Aunt Ayra was forced to fight ‘cause Kinbaith had me! Please! You’ve got to help her!

Sigurd: That swordswoman. Huh. I thought there was something amiss about her… Very well! I’ll let her know that you’re safe. Now, what’s your name?

Shanan: Shanan. I’m Shanan, the prince of Isaach…

(OH. Um. Well. Awkward.)

Sigurd: Isaach’s prince, you say… I can barely begin to imagine what you’ve been through, Shanan. For now, though, you’re welcome to stay with our army. Don’t worry. One day, you’ll make it home. I’ll do all I can to ensure that.

(Awwwwwwwwwww, Sigurd, you big old softie.)

Oifey: Pardon me, sire, but we’re currently at war with Isaach. If we’re going to harbor its prince, shouldn’t we inform the king?

Sigurd: He’s a child, Oifey. That war has nothing to do with him. I’ll find a way to get him home safely, but for now, we need to look after him.

Oifey: Understood, sire. … Just as I thought. Lord Sigurd really is such a kind man…

Well, we got the castle, and with that the worst part of the map is over, so I believe it’s time to call this update.  Next week, we chat with Ayra, finally get to feed Gandolf his own bandana, experience some delicious plot development, and see perhaps the most pathetic romance in gaming.  Look forward to it!  

Total Resets: 1.  Better than I was expecting, honestly!