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skrrts · 2 months

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in my eyes, you are perfect (one-shot) mature!

✧ reader & non!idol wooyoung ✧ genre: slice of life, summer, best friends who might like each other, mdni ✧ word count: 1,5k ✧ mentions: very small suggestive hint, rude stranger, insecurity, mdni

Reader and Wooyoung have been best friends for years. It isn't their first vacation together, but Reader is having a hard time enjoying it after being disappointed by a rejected flirt attempt with another tourist at the hotel. Wooyoung thinks that Reader is amazing, maybe he just needs to be the one to tell them just that.

You know it's silly: a rejected small flirt that wasn't even intended to be serious shouldn't ruin your day, but it does because you cannot entirely stop wondering why.

This was the summer vacation of your dreams: long beautiful beaches, white banks of sand, and the most stunning view from a hotel you could only afford after saving up for a year and with the help of your best friend, who watches you with mild amusement as you check your appearance once more.

From your hair to your outfit, social media would be jealous of the confidence you radiated when you left your shared room this morning. But now, the frown just won't leave you, even as you finally give in and join your best friend at the pool, which almost looks like it's part of the ocean underneath it.

Everything is perfect. You are at a place you always wanted to go to with the person who knows you best. But such a small incident once more reminds you that none of this really can chase away that silent wish for love, for somebody to share all of this with.

You stop caring about the makeup you put on when you dive under the water, but it doesn't really help, and all you can do is remain halfway hidden under the surface as you look at your chuckling best friend.

Wooyoung had been in high spirits; he's always easily excited: the space of the hotel room, the view, the stunning pool, and even the vast menu for breakfast. You envy him a little, how he always seemed to be so carefree. Of course, you know he hides a lot of his thoughts and struggles, but at the same time, he keeps pushing onward, no matter what happens.

This strength, yet his playful nature, has always drawn you to him, which made it so easy to become best friends. It also helped that you are close in age, understanding the struggles one goes through in their mid-20s.

"I already feared you would leave me all alone here," Wooyoung playfully pretends to whine a little as you give in and join his side. He has relaxed against the edge of the pool, allowing for a stunning view over the ocean.

You take a moment to admire how it looks, his long wet hair slightly pushed back, his torso no longer slim but muscular, water drops running over his skin and tattoos. As you catch yourself staring, you finally force yourself to look away.

"And do what? If I leave you alone, who knows where you'd end up? Then I'd have to search the entire small town for you, like last time! How is it that somebody who is a professional athlete manages to get lost so quickly?" you complain, only to distract from having been whiny all day.

Now that you are here with him like that, you suddenly feel quite silly for it. Your expressions soften, you sigh deeply and turn around to allow your head to lean over the edge of the pool, eyes closed.

"I know you will always come and find me. I am not worried," Wooyoung chuckles, but his voice becomes louder, indicating he moved closer to you.

"Mh true, what would you do without me?" you joke back and open your eyes to look at him, only to realize he had been drawing quite closely. Your cheeks flush as you look at him.

"What's up?" A silly question, but you cannot really phrase any other words, and before you know it, Wooyoung's arms are pinned around you, his gaze wandering over your face.

"I hate to see you so disappointed, you know? When we left the plane two days ago, you really seemed happy, and I was excited about it. Now, you seem like you cannot really let go of some idiot not knowing to appreciate you properly."

Wooyoung's voice was strangely sincere and serious; he wasn't trying to lighten the mood by acting silly or with quick words. Then, he also never had been shy to come closer; he loved to hug you and take your hand. You never really thought much into it, if this might be strange for other friendships.

"Ah, I... just. I guess, it did bother me a little. I thought, the way that guy looked at me, that he was trying to flirt with gazes, and then I just embarrassed myself being upfront..." your voice is a mutter, but you manage not to look away. At this point, Wooyoung is pinning you against the pool, your bodies close to each other.

You remind yourself again, not the first time but certainly the first of being like this, with so little clothing and surrounded by water, in front of all the other guests. You can feel the warmth radiating from his body; there is still a hint of the aftershave he must have used this morning.

Your body feels strange, not the way you are used to from having your best friend so close. For a moment, there is a hint of a desire to press closer together, to lean in and... His words take you out of it.

"If he cannot appreciate you properly, then he certainly doesn't deserve your attention, you know that?" Wooyoung answers, lifting one of his hands to place it against your cheek, his thumb brushing over it gently. Your mind struggles to form words as you feel in a way that confuses you.

This is your best friend Wooyoung; why do you react so strongly to it? He's beautiful, though, and always caring, looking out for you, more than you could ever have asked for and certainly more than any of your boyfriends offered before.

You exhale, trying to find words, but he's quicker again. Now the smile that is so familiar returns to his expressions: "I will be here to remind you, whenever you need it because you only deserve this and so much more."

When he steps back, you find yourself oddly disappointed, but you swallow it with silence as Wooyoung heads to the edge of the pool. You cannot stop thinking about the way you felt when he was so close, about his soft voice and how beautiful he looked in the sunlight.

It was all you could think about for the rest of the day, and even when the two of you went to the outside area of the restaurant which belonged to the hotel, you still had to try not to blush when recalling it. Your eyes wandered over the menu when a voice tore you out of it.

"Looks like you found somebody to be your summer fling after all, and even a popular face. Aren't you some kind of athlete?" The mocking voice belonged to the handsome stranger you tried to flirt with this morning.

It was impossible to hide your embarrassment, but Wooyoung was out and about to take care of it before you could say anything. "That is correct, I'm a baseball player, soon to be one of the nation's best," his voice lacks no confidence.

"And this one here is the most stunning and beautiful person I have ever encountered. This truly is the best vacation I ever had. If you'd excuse us now, we are about to enjoy dinner."

The tourist furrows his brows, obviously surprised by the bold statement. "If that would be so, you know that your date tried rather keenly to date me this morning?"

"That's not true!" You finally found your words, staring at the guy who is grinning, but suddenly, you are lifted up and pulled onto Wooyoung's lap. His arm curls around your waist, and his chin rests on your shoulder.

"It's a rare case of a true, sudden summer love. The one you see in movies where it takes an asshole like yourself to bring together what was meant to be. So thanks for that, I finally found that one special person."

The tourist and you are silenced as the bold words spread, but unlike him, you cannot help but blush, your heart beating loudly. The stranger mutters and leaves.

But even as he is gone, Wooyoung doesn't seem to have any intentions of dropping you. Instead, his fingers very gently turn your chin around and towards him. "You are worth everything, you know that? If you'd let me, I'll gladly show you."

Wooyoung's words are both sincere and playful. You swallow, but for some reason, you nod. Yes, Wooyoung knows you, and he never would disappoint you. "Yes, I want that... please show me."

You can see how he grins a little, but happiness is reflected in his eyes. Wooyoung leans in and your lips meet in a gentle kiss. It's curious but soft, and you find yourself returning it without any hesitation because it feels right and perfect just like that.

You two enjoy the moment and only part when one of the waiters clears her throat, asking about your order.

Wooyoung chuckles but finally allows you to return to your seat. "I am quite hungry now! Let's eat well and after that, how about a walk along the beach?" You rub one of your hands over your cheek, trying to chase away the blush, but find yourself smiling. "Ah yes, I'd love that."

Maybe all you were looking for, that person to cherish and love you just like that, has been there for quite some time but you overlooked him altogether.

Now, you won't.

#ateez fic #ateez x reader #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung x you #ateez oneshot #wooyoung fic #wooyoung oneshot #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung imagines #reis writes #wy tag #summer tag

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pr3ttyb0ym2g · 8 months

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MANAGER ꒰VEES 𝘅 gn! 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳꒱ PART 1: Velvette's Favoritism

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ;; Platonic. In which you're the Vees/VVV's very valued manager, a collection. 𝘼/𝙉 ;; I just love their dynamic smm oml. I can't stop myself. Will write SO MUCH more and add onto this collection!!

☆ You applied on a whim, applying for Velvette's social media team, and unexpectedly landed the job. A job you were probably the least qualified for compared to the other applications ☆ And you weren't the only member of Velvette's team of course, there were several others, but as weeks went by, many were fired for either pissing off Velvette or just not living up to her expectations ☆ You kept your job as you never talked back or shit-talked her, doing your workload and pleasing the young overlord ☆ Velvette continued to fire employees overtime, narrowing her attention onto you, one of her now-experienced employees ☆ She came to you more and yet you never scrambled under all the pressure; you remained calm and did your job ☆ Even jobs you never signed up for, like getting her coffee and such. (Those were her assistant's tasks) ☆ Or bat-shit crazy tasks, again, never complaining and just holding back your disgusted expressions ☆ You never noticed, but many other employees began to dislike your presence ☆ Velvette favored you too much now ☆ She began calling you by name and addressing you properly, compared to everyone else, this was a new level ☆ Her other employees were just "somebody", but you were "[name]" ★ "Bloody hell! Somebody get [name] right now!" ☆ Being Velvette's favorite did come with perks and pet names, she called you "darling" more often than anyone else, and treated you with more care than others ★ "Oh lovely, you did just what I asked. Now go rest, kisses darling." ☆ All the attention increased ten fold after her assistant was fired for sleeping with one of Velvette's best selling models, somehow getting an STD and giving Velvette a PR nightmare ☆ You were immediately promoted as her assistant ☆ But becoming her assistant just made your work load much heavier, now you're covering everything she needed you to ☆ Assisting several departments, handling scheduling and shoots of everyone (from the models to Velvette's), guiding the current media staff, and so much more ☆ You followed her like a shadow, you noted everything she said while simultaneously doing every other task that had to be done ☆ Because you did a huge bundle of work and held a great matter of importance, Velvette gave you her phone number as well as access to higher floors of the Vee tower, something extremely personal ☆ But one day you overheard an exchange between Velvette and Valentino, one you realized you shouldn't be listening to, after only trying to speak with your boss about a drop in views

★ "Don't look at [name], Valentino! Don't even think about it." ✦ "What? I didn't do anything yet." ★ "I know what you're thinking, [name] will not become one of your porn stars." ✦ "Shame, they have the body and face for it." ★ "Do not fuck with me. They're one of the only employees I give any shits about." ✦ "Okay, okay amorcito, I understand." ☆ Velvette openly expressed her favoritism with the other Vee, given that they were close ☆ And Valentino was quick to surrender his plan on recruiting you, seeing as Velvette genuinely liked you (more than her favorite models that he ripped up the week prior) ☆ You weren't really sure how to react to that and you never did, pretending you never heard a peep ☆ So you left before you heard any more, not wanting to hear what other unexpected topics would be brought up ☆ Velvette has since never been seen without you ☆ She spoke to you about whatever was on her mind, no longer just asking for something to be done ☆ She would order you to sit with her on some couch and just talk ☆ You felt as though you got indirectly promoted to Velvette's personal therapist ★ "Ugh, and I can't believe that bitch has the nerve to insult my outfit when she's wearing fucking plaid!" ☆ Velvette also wore plaid. ☆ But her defense was: she wasn't dressing like an "old hag", so she could actually pull it off ☆ You sat and listened for endless hours, never taking your eyes off her

☆ Velvette highly appreciated this since Vox and Valentino both had their own jobs they were busy with ★ "But at least you listen to me, don't you [name]?" ☆ You only nodded in agreement, reassuring her

#gn reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x y/n #fanfiction #fanfic #hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #vivzieverse #vivziepop #hazbin headcanons #hazbin hotel headcanon

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vsaintsin · 5 months

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Writeblr Re-Intro

Yo! I'm V Saintsin. Or V or Vin or Saintsin or whatever you want to call me that sounds right on your tongue. I'm a self-proclaimed Social Media fumbler who got a late start to the party and has never quite figured it out. I hate how hipster and edgy it sounds to say "I'm bad at social media" but like I used to work with some people who actually managed the social media accounts for the business we worked for and there were rules and whatnot and damn, I think online media is just not my medium. That being said, here I am! Hah

I'm an author and general mess who's hoping to be the miracle man (somebody who makes a living writing silly little stories). I do use a pseudonym but please hear me out when I say I didn't realize how edgy it sounds, it just has some sentimental value to my personal life. I'm so sorry that I sound like I'm in my emo phase HAHA

About me -

He/Him Transguy from the American Midwest (arguably the south, depending on who you talk to, but the older people still say "Sodi-pop" and "ope").

I'm dysautonomic, bendy, permanently sleepy, and a survivor of Crappy Doctors Who Suck At Doctoring.

I like DnD, Pathfinder, Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, and other things in that vein.

I do make art of my stories and characters (Tablet is currently not working so I'm in a dry spell).

My writing background is predominantly ancient, dusty RPs from as far back as the foopets days and fanfic writing on Quizilla - I am an old and wizened elder of the net.

My formal education was music performance and behavioral neuroscience, I don't really know how I got where I am.

This is not my first rodeo with tumblr but it is the first time I have anything to SAY instead of just lurking.

In the event of malfunction, you can put me outside for 5 minutes and I'll probably factory reset.

My existence as I know it hinges on a massive number of sticky notes plastered throughout my room.

What I'm lookin' for -

Idk, whatever? I'm down for most things. Did you write it? Cool, let me see. I'm not too bent on genre or anything, just fascinated by the art of storytelling.

A bit tentative with fanfiction but that's just because if it's not a fandom I'm familiar with I am rather clueless about what the hell is going on and if it's a fandom I am familiar with I HUNT DOWN THE DEEP LORE.

I like art a whole lot, including fanart. Also art advice, love seeing things from different perspectives and learning something new.

Mutuals, really, for any reason. Building better connections on here, getting to know people. I am hideously bad at this but I try.

What I write -

Science Fiction with heavy subjects that matter to me - trigger warnings on a story-by-story basis.

High Fantasy (eventually books I think?) characters and their backgrounds for DnD and Pathfinder - I have been tempted to share these to help people get ideas or just for free use?

Things that I delete because I have crippling imposter syndrome and publishing makes me nauseous (doin' it tho).

Stories that I hope will make people feel less alone or that people could relate to, stories that I wish I had when life was worse and I was reaching out for anything I could find to keep me afloat, stories that try to be critical of things that SUCK in a way that's any helpful.

Lots of curse words and cussing (that's just how people talk 'round here), dubious science, things that I hope might make you cry but in a good way though.

Character-Driven stories that revolve more around the development of the person and less around the plot itself if that makes sense.

I've put blurb things below for my primary project/series which features a grumpy, queer, 37-year old chain smoking Frenchman and his misadventures with life and love and unbridled rage. If any of that sounds cool stick around and hang out? (This part is a plug bc I did a thing and I'm proud of it) And if my books sounds interesting the first one is 99 cents on Kindle and you just need a phone and a free app to read it!

THE SECRET OF LIFE (Published) - Sci-Fi/Psychological Thriller, Bi M Lead, Lovers to Enemies, AI but the oldschool cool kind not the real world thing that's stealing our future

Carlisle-Trystan Antoinette is a mercenary on a hard road, navigating life and death itself in an infinite cycle started by powers above his understanding. He has one mission - warn The Dianican Space Station of the coming threat and put a stop to a war that would encapsulate the whole of the Sol System before it can ever begin. Unfortunately for Carlisle, reality is a tenuous thing, made up only by our understanding of it. At least, according to his Psychiatrist, who tells him that there is no war, that he was never a mercenary, and that what Carlisle is experiencing is a severe but manageable psychotic break. Stripped of his combat enhancements, his bio monitor, and everything he's every known, Carlisle has a decision to make. Does he give in to the thoughts and memories, so real that he can almost taste them, or does he live a life of comfort and ease, returning to a husband and daughter that he left behind?

TWs: Domestic and War Violence, suicide, rape, medical trauma, grief, drug use

THE SILENCE OF ANGELS (Due 2024, TSoL 2) - Betrayal and Rage, Learning how to love again slow-burn romantic subplot, Learning how to Dad, A general inability for any one thing to just go right

(Quick Rough Blurb that offers no spoilers for TSoL) Making connections isn't easy for somebody who's accustomed to burning bridges. Isolation has always been Carlisle's mantra for surviving his life. Playing a role comes second nature, pretending to be the man that everyone else wants to see in him. When an old friend is murdered Carlisle finds himself as the primary suspect with all evidence pointing to him so clearly that even he calls to question what he is capable of. Unwilling to believe that he could commit such a heinous crime, Carlisle sets off to find the truth of his friend's death - was Carlisle framed or does he truly have the capacity to bring such harm upon those he loves? Old and new bonds will be tested, faith broken, and the future of everyone called into question as lines are drawn and sides are picked.

TWs: Violence, mentions of SA, graphic character death, more grief, more death

I don't know what else to say... Later!

#booklr #lgbt fiction #writeblr #writeblr intro #authors

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azulock · 10 months

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Day three and it's Kaiser again! If on the first drabble he got to show off one of the weirdest German pet names, this time we stick with the more normal one. I mean, anything in German sounds weird, but you get the gist, and that's the charm of it.

summary. seeing someone you have been hitting on at a party with somebody else is always annoying. But seeing them alone and sulking when they should have company is more than a bit weird. Though, it might also be the universe giving you a chance - and Kaiser doesn't let those slip his grasp that easily.

pairing. Michael Kaiser x Reader

wordcount. 861 words

3. Company Holiday Party - Michael Kaiser

The team's holiday party was always a bore. The type of event Kaiser attended because he had to - and to let his ego feed off of the people gawking at his presence, as they should. But otherwise, they were dull affairs, full of uninteresting people that he needed to endure as a networking thing. So, it's fair to say he never really wanted to attend it, but this year in special, he really didn't want to come.

It wouldn't be much like him to admit the reason why he didn't want to attend this time - because you would be attending with someone other than him. Fair, you had nothing. You'd had sex once, after another dull work event that saw you both bored and tipsy, ending up with you on his hotel bed. Waking up with his team's social media manager wasn't what he had planned, but he wasn't complaining either - especially seeing how he'd always had a thing for you.

After that, there wasn't much to the story. He'd flirt with you whenever possible, and he was pretty sure you were flirting back - come on, why would you not? But it had been something over two months, and he hadn't gotten much further than this. Which, was bad enough on its own. Though, two weeks back he heard you'd be attending the party with someone else - the goddamn goalie of all fucking people - and that left a bit of a wound on his ego.

So, one could imagine his surprise when Kaiser found you alone, drinking a cocktail while looking intently at the snowy landscape out of the window. He'd seen the damn goalie by himself earlier, talking to some of the club's managers when he was passing by, but he didn't think much of it at the moment. Though now he'd gotten the obvious hint that something was wrong here.

There was a long moment of hesitation as Kaiser watched you from the bar, considering if he should approach or not. Something he himself would admit was weird, under any other circumstances he'd be there already, boasting about what many - himself included - would consider a victory for him.

Rejection always hurt less when the object of your interest ended up rejected themselves, and there was no doubt Kaiser would have been a better pick than that stupid goalie. But for some odd reason, he didn't exactly feel like boasting today. Maybe it was the spirit of the season, still he approached you anyway.

"Came to watch my humiliation?" You asked, glancing at him from the corner of your eye as you took a sip from your drink.

"Me? I was just curious to what you were doing here all alone," he retorted, raising one eyebrow and clanking his glass against yours before drinking from it.

"Oh, do you really not know or are you trying to step on my ego?" You gave a dry laugh, letting silence settle between you for a second before shrugging and point to a place on the other side of the hall the party was held in. "That's why, she's the club owner's daughter, by the way, the reason why I came alone today."

"Oooh," Kaiser's eyes followed to where you were pointing, finding the man supposed to be your date today dancing and laughing with somebody else. "Well, he was always sort of a bastard, think of it like dodging a bullet."

"Still feels a bit like public humiliation, though," you scoffed, eyes still turned to the snowflakes falling outside.

"So," Kaiser smirked, turning to you and resting his back on the window, he was seeing his chance and decided it wouldn't be too bad to try and take it, "what you say about having a dance and turning that around?"

"You offering yourself as a consolation prize?" You laughed, downing your drink with a quick movement, making Kaiser roll his eyes at your words.

"Liebling, I hardly think I could be considered a consolation prize," he sneered with a grin, mirroring your movement and finishing his drinks as your eyes followed him. "Besides, I've been flirting with you for the past two months, why do you think I'm offering?"

His last words were deadpan and dry, dropping the charm for a moment at how absurdly stubborn and dense you could be. Surprising even himself, it made you laugh, body falling forward as you rested your forehead on the cold window besides him. He looked at you curiously, trying to seem unfazed by your reaction.

"Oh, that German bluntness," you laughed, looking back at him with a smile, one he felt proud of getting from you. "You know what, Mihya? I think I might just accept that offer," you responded, hooking your arm around his own.

Kaiser smirked, trying to hide his joy behind pride and lust as he pulled you towards the dance floor. He'd learned early on that in this life, you take your shot where you can find it, what matters is how good you can make it look. And he was Michael Kaiser, he could make anything look good. Besides, who know, maybe he could get lucky tonight too.

shout out to: @fivenightsatwhoreville @minarinnn @loser-vxbez @pinksodacan

#michael kaiser x reader #michael kaiser #kaiser x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue christmas event

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lady-phasma · 5 days

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Could you IMAGINE Lestat’s reaction to the internet? Better yet, imagine his reaction to all the fan blogs that would inevitably pop up after his own interview is released after Daniel’s book is published. Lestat’s ego would be bigger than the moon LMAO. Somebody would have to hide ao3 from that man.

Hi anon! I saved this ask until I could take my time with it, but also so that the amazing and brilliant @aemondsbabe could help me. She and I have literally been having a similar conversation for months!

In fact, I love this ask so much that I had to make a gif for it!

Since season two and the Rockstar promo we have been discussing this pretty frequently. One thing I think we can all agree on: Lestat's Twitter would be phenomenal and hilarious. I live for AMC to do a promo account just for the character.

Here's some headcanon we have about Lestat's internet use:

OF - Lestat 100% has an account. He might not use it for explicit acts, but he would love the "private" style of attention, knowing that he is captivating audiences via computers and phone and tablets in their homes.

Twitter/X - This account would be the rambling, unhinged shit we expect from him. Typos, Franglish, absurd comments because he misunderstood a pop culture reference. But most of all, he probably would direct most of his tweets to close friends and we'd get to see his tweets to Louis and about Armand. And the occasional interaction with fans or other celebrities when he figured out retweeting (which would result in the inevitable cancellation that he wouldn't care about at all).

Insta - We discussed this and at first I didn't think that he would have Insta at all. Then aemondsbabe suggested that he would have an account, but he would only post what his PR manager told him to post. I hope someone teaches him to take pictures of things other than shit in Walmart and candids of Louis.

Tumblr - aemondsbabe is a fucking genius! 100% credit where it is due. Lestat would have a Tumblr blog, but wouldn't quite understand that it's not a private diary. In fact, earlier this month during a discussion about this subject, she wrote a blog post for him:

louis, mon cher, how i wish you could be here with me on this, the most périlleuse des nuits… i have fallen prey to an evil poison, a foul spirit! the tour bus, you see, we had to stop to get l'essence ou, how you say, the gasoline… louis, mon cœur, i was tricked at this heinous shoppe! they had peculiar wares, des médicaments, promising virility of the gods! i have taken one and i fear this will end me, mon cher! please avenge me by slaying the most wicked of men known as Daryl! he has taken up résidence at l'Exxon outside of Tampa!

I laughed until I cried! Brilliant!

AO3 - I really don't know that he would find AO3 on his own. I think someone (maybe Graham Norton) would show it to him at some point and then he would speed read everything he could and write a "private" entry about the fics on his Tumblr diary. That would be something to read!

Thank you for this ask, anon! This was so much fun!

I hope AMC goes all out with Lestat on social media the way they gave Daniel his own LinkedIn page. I need him to have a twitter at the very least, but they could so much more.

#lestat de lioncourt #love my anons #lestat headcanon #iwtv headcanon #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #sam reid #asked and answered #auntiegifs

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of-many-aus · 1 year

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Less Than Ideal Living Situations

Summary: you and jake are put into a situation that is less than ideal

Warning: slight mention of violence

A/N: I’m kinda worried that this sucks; but also, feel free to send in requests for one shots for this series if you feel like it!!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game Masterlist

･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

You would like to reiterate the fact that this was completely Natasha Trace’s fault. Nothing about this did you do on your own free will.

She was the one who began the school year by commuting to classes after she got an apartment off campus with her boyfriend of two years, leaving you roommate-less.

True, she had apologized over and over again and even offered to keep being your roommate and give up the chance of staying with her boyfriend, but you wouldn’t let her. You were her best friend after all, and what kind of friend would you be if you kept her from happiness on your own selfish accords?

So, you reassured her that it was fine and you would find new living arrangements. She didn’t have to worry about you.

Turns out, she probably should have been worried. Because after posting up flyers all over the campus and social media- offering a room in your apartment for anyone who would like to accept your offer- not a single reply came your way.

That was when you really began to stress out.

It was one day until roommates had to be finalized, and you didn’t have one.

You had even begun to contemplate how you could trick the college staff into thinking that you were still with Nat, but not a single idea that could actually be done without breaking a couple of laws came to mind.

Then, a notification came through on your phone halfway through history class. Someone had accepted your offer.

The relief and joy that spread through you was almost too overpowering to even read the name of the person that would be your new roommate.

Jake Seresin.

Star player of your college's baseball team with an ego larger than the campus and a reputation to back it up.

The two of you had literature together. That is, when he actually bothered to show up. And when he did, he would mostly sleep through it. The only reason he wasn’t failing any of his classes was because your school couldn’t afford losing the best baseball player they had seen in over fifteen years. According to the gossiping group of girls you overheard in the dining hall, that is.

It was clearly too close to the final date to change it and desperately try to search everywhere for somebody else- anybody else- so now, you would just have to suffer through it.

“-and then, I went to go check on Jake, only to find him face down on the lawn.” Bradley Bradshaw, first baseman for the baseball team, laughed, shifting the box in his arms, “So naturally, we all just decided roommates without him. I mean, he should have seen it coming. There’s an odd number of us, including our manager, so of course one of us is going to have to find a different living arrangement- he just shouldn’t have missed it. It’s a good thing he saw your ad though, or else he might be living in the alley behind the campus kitchen-“

The man had been happily chatting your ear off for the last hour now, as he helped his friend unload all of his stuff into your apartment. And while he seemed nice enough, you just wished he would stop talking. You were exhausted and, quite frankly, nervous about the whole situation, so you weren’t exactly in a chatty mood.

Both of you walked through the door of your apartment after trudging up the stairs for the tenth time

“Rooster, leave the girl alone. You’re gonna scare my new roommate away.” Jake's voice floated smoothly through his lips and reached your ears in a way that made you shiver. You now had to live with this man.

Bradley grinned, “You don’t need me for that, Hangman, I trust that you’re gonna do that all by yourself.”

It was an annual tradition at your school that every athlete as a freshman in your sports centered college would get a nickname that would follow along with them for the rest of their years.

You gave the blond a tight lipped smile, “Not yet scared away.”

The man beside you dropped the box onto the ground beside all the other ones, “Welp, that’s the last of them, Bagman.”

Your smile morphed into a small, genuine one as you turned to face him, “Thank you for the help.”

He threw a playful wink at you, “Anytime. Just give me a call if Seresin is giving you any trouble. I’ll rough him up for you.”

A laugh left your lips as Bradley gave you a two finger salute before turning on his heel and exiting your apartment, ignoring the warning look his teammate was giving him.

There was a silence that followed Bradshaw's absence, as if any form of conversation had been taken by the hand and led out by the man.

Jake cleared his throat, drawing your eyes to lock with his devastatingly green ones, “Thank you again for letting me live here.”

There was a sort of sincerity in his voice that would have made you do a double take if you weren’t already looking at him. It was a tone that you never in a million years would have expected to hear out of him.

You coughed lightly, forcing yourself to roll your eyes, “Yeah, well, didn’t have much choice.”

His look didn’t falter like you had expected it to, “No, I suppose not.”

“Well, I’ll be in my room. Let me know if you need any help unpacking.” You desperately needed to get out of this situation.

He waved his hand dismissively, “I think I can manage.”

With that, you practically scurried off to your room, tightly closing the door behind you before sliding your back down it until your legs were curled up to your chest.

Your hand flailed to the side, gripping onto a pillow from your bed and bringing it into your lap before shoving your face into it and screaming, letting it muffle the sound.

So yes, this was completely Natasha Trace's fault. You were stuck in a small apartment with the last person you would ever had thought, and you would never let her hear the end of it.

Taglist: @djs8891 @pono-pura-vida @shanimallina87 @melllinaa @callsignbirdy @fogle97 @randomfandomgirl97

#take me out to the ball game series #jake seresin #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin au #top gun x you #top gun x reader #top gun x y/n #baseball au #top gun au #college au

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rineedagger · 5 months

Text

Some things I've learned this pasts twenty six years

Do NOT alter your form and size to fit into somebody's ribcage. Authenticity is the ground for a healthy environment.

Authenticity can't exist without self-criticism and sticking to your core values.

A peaceful solitude is just as important as a nutritious companionship.

We aren't born knowing, not even of our own self. Wisdom is the fruit of life-long learning, therefore, making mistakes is the key to be and do better (this reminds me of the famously quote "Do not be sorry, be better" from Kratos lol).

Doubting, asking questions, is the concrete to build a fulfilling life.

Remaining the same does not imply to be more stable nor having a healthier life.

Easy and good are not synonyms.

Enough with the label bullshit and the blaming. It isn't about been or not been normal/right, your life/truth is yours only. Do not try to make sense of it using somebody else's eyes.

Medical checking is important. Nobody likes going to the doctor nor feeling sick (and yes, I am talking about going to the therapist and psychiatrist as well). It is part of been human and you will never be alone in the process.

Cooking life actively and over a low heat, is vital to have an appetizing full of flavour meal.

I'm never going to feel ready nor good enough.

Life isn't right nor makes sense. Do not try looking for the missing leg, you'll lose yourself in the process.

Communication is important, but not all communication matters. It has to be direct, understandable and, overall, precised. Overcommunication is as bad as the total absence of it, if not more painful.

Accepting and respecting are not the same thing. One is mandatory while the other, even important, isn't indispensable.

In order to live and not survive, you have to accept your own vulnerability and fragility.

Drinking water is always the good choice.

There will never be enough strawberries to satisfy the craving.

Whoever loves you today may not love you tomorrow, and that's okay.

There isn't such thing as good and bad emotions, rather comfortable and uncomfortable ones. And we must feel them all.

Setting boundaries with yourself and your surrounding is vital to be certain that, whoever remains by your side, is because they actively want you and love you, since there are parts of your self that are not negotiable. If not, you will always be the coach, the therapist, the mother, the sister, the helper, the clown, the mad one, the weirdo, the mysterious one, the thug, the whore, etc., but never you. Consequently, these means an assured expiry date plus food poisoning (I don't know why I'm comparing so much with food...maybe it's because I didn't eat strawberries for a while).

Social media has become a demanding, violent and sick place, filled with expectations, constant stimulation, manipulated or sensational information, rule-following, triggers, distortions and the possibility of been reachable to people that you don't need in your life. It is okay if you can't live in it. Also, if you're the reactive kind, set boundaries immediately with how you manage your social media and your exposure and be firm with it (believe me, I couldn't stand seen someone hating my friend on social media and saying lie after lie after lie...it was REALLY consuming and it leaded to impulsive and shameful acts).

If you are the one that overthinks or re-read texts after a fight, delete them.

Having life-long or very long friendships does not mean that you should cope with every mistreatment.

Do not remain by somebody else's side only because you pity them. Pityness and no compassion is vile.

The same with egotistical interests. The other person is a whole living being aside of yourself, if you put your own interests and greeds as the motivation of that relationship or over it, is vile.

The world is not trying to punish you for any mistake you've done nor for any joy you've experienced. That is, indeed, the process of living.

Boredom is a freaking gift, and a pleasure indeed.

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yandereloversblog · 2 years

Note

Ask for Bonten

How would u find ur darling or meet ur darling if they never go to clubs, bars, raves or have not done anything in their life that contains alcohol or drugs

Basically how u meet a darling THAG has a clean life

🧋 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐀𝐬𝐤 🧋 -> 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎?

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: I do that, never visited a club and stuff or drank alcohol and all that- idk why you make it sound like it's the cleanest life you can get 😭

-> 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨 "𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐲" 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐨

"That would be a little difficult..." Mikey mumbled and stared at the ground "Although I don't go out much I do pass the streets a lot by car... And I like wandering around sometime when I'm in a good mood..." He furrowed his brows in annoyance at the thought of not being able to meet with his angel, then frustrated "Whatever... I'll find them. Even with just a look I know how to find my angel... I would prefer someone who's normal anyways, so they don't know how to manipulate and get out of my clutches with whatever specialty they might have if they were in Bonten..." Mikey clenched his jaw, glaring angrily "But to suggest that I might not find them because of something so trivial... Fuck off before I kill you..."

-> 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮

"So? I'll corrupt them and force them to do those if they continue refusing me." Sanzu grumbled with a frown, it's not like he only did those stuff... "I go out on walks too you know! I'm not like my dumbass brother. Sometimes we need to go buy Mikey dorayaki during the day and..." He ran out of thoughts to say "Know what, fuck you. I'll find my darling one way or another so it doesn't matter!"

-> 𝐊𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐨

"You're saying like I just pick them off the street or some random person from the club." Kakucho frowned at the question, sighing and rubbing his face "For your information I'd prefer it if they never did that, it means I won't have to worry about any addiction they might have or concern myself that they've been around all those annoying people..." Kakucho glanced to the side, thinking for a second with a softer expression "I would love to have a normal relationship with them... But with Bonten I can't... At least I'll be able to protect them."

-> 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

"Can somebody really never visit a club in their life?" Ran rose a brow with a confused smile, almost like that is foreign to him "Ah whatever, I do walk around stores and streets of Roppongi during the daytime so I'll manage to find my sweetheart, besides..." He smirked, eyes slightly narrowing into a glare towards you "Who do you think you are to suggest I'll never find my darling otherwise, honestly it's cuter if it's someone who hasn't touched the filth in the underworld, they're even better to corrupt~"

-> 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

Rindou glared in annoyance "Social media dumbass." He scoffed like it was obvious "And we literally drive around during the day, we're not all shut inside an office like the boss. Do you think we're vampires or something?" Rindou mumbled a small string of curses, trying to think of more examples of how to meet his darling "Just because they don't exactly visit the establishments we own doesn't mean I can't meet with them... I can go wherever I want as long as I'm careful."

-> 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢

"You're saying that like we don't go out during the day to walk around or do business." Koko tilted his head to the side, a mocking look in his eyes as he smirked, condescending "Least I do, it's normal for me to visit normal shop and malls during the day or go do business in private restaurants in the morning. Though it might be difficult to meet my darling if they live at a poorer area, still I'll manage..." Sharp eyes narrowed even more into a cold glare "So quit being nosey, I'll have my darling one way or another."

-> 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢

He looked lost, leaning further on the chair with an annoyed sigh "That's a problem. I don't like going out. Especially in areas we don't control." An annoyed glare appeared on Takeomi's face from having to think so hard "Maybe I can meet them at a few quiet spots I like to go to and smoke, but it'll have to be during the night, can't stand too many people around me for long."

-> 𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢 𝐌𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐢

Mochi thought about it for a good minute "Have to go with Rindou's suggestion, there's a million ways to meet my darling as long as I try." He shrugged "Bonten doesn't just own clubs, we own a lot of other businesses and areas as well, and besides just because my darling is clean doesn't mean their friends and family are, would be an interesting turn of events if a family member or friend borrowed a large amount of money and sold them in a fit of panic. Anything can happen in this world."

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

are we just friends? | myg

title ; are we just friends? you don’t need me like i need you

description ; if we fuckin’, are we just friends?

cast ; yoongi x you

word count ; 7.2k

tracklist ; like i need u - keshi, drunk text me - lexi jayde, urs - niki, somebody - keshi

tags ; angst, drinking / alcohol, friends with benefits gone wrong (no explicit smut), pov switches, very brief mentions of poor family dynamics and financial issues, this has been in my drafts forever so fuck it here it is

you’re getting real fucking tired of being broken up with.

your scowl deepens, jaw clenching and rotating as you repeat the video on hoseok’s story. it should probably be illegal to have access to social media during a breakup. except is it really a breakup if someone never really committed to you in the first place?

you want to curse hoseok out. you want to saunter up to him and jab a finger into his chest - yoongi doesn’t like partying, you want to snap in his face. he doesn’t like clubbing, or even drinking all that much. he said so. he told me.

like a child, you want to point out all the things yoongi told you in quiet confession, wave it around as proof that yoongi did care about you. that you knew things about him even his best friend didn’t know. but it’s not hoseok’s fault. hoseok is a good guy. he’s your friend. it just so happens that he was yoongi’s friend first, so yoongi gets the hoseok post-not-breakup-breakup package while you get the anger roiling under your skin watching yoongi throw back shots and eye hoseok’s camera lazily, one dark eyebrow arching as hoseok’s cheers and laughter sound loudly even amidst the pounding edm.

it’s not really anger. jimin would know this best; he’s your best friend, evidence of which is coming through in the form of several text messages asking you to open your damn door. you won him even in the war of your last real breakup - an honest-to-god shock to you, really, considering who had been on the other end of that particular ruined relationship. but that one had ended in utter shambles, that one was the reason you were in this mess in the first place, all your shattered pieces picked up by none other than an unsuspecting min yoongi, the one person you never thought would be able to carefully piece back together the glass that formed your heart. somehow, without either of you knowing, he rebuilt it all, fitting every broken piece neatly together. it almost worked, too. you almost couldn’t see the cracks. that is, up until he swept it all away in one fell swoop, all his hard work left in remnants on the ground.

let’s be real. even if he really had managed to fix your broken heart, glass is still a fragile thing. easy to shatter.

you throw your phone to the side, letting it land with a dull thud against your comforter. you lower your head, one hand running through your hair, exhaling a heavy sigh. this is infuriating. frustrating. exhausting.

you’ll call it everything but what it is.

painful.

“i really didn’t wanna do this but you leave me no choice,” a voice calls out from your front door.

you curse under your breath. with the last bit of willpower you have in you, you push yourself off your bed, swinging open your bedroom door to find jimin kicking off his shoes. you don’t know why he bothers asking you to open the door if he’s just gonna use the key anyway. “the spare key was for emergencies, asshole,” you grouch, but jimin levels you with a look that says he’s tired of you playing games.

“yeah, well, you should’ve known i’d use it for whatever i want anyways,” he snarks back, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the back of one of the chairs at your breakfast bar. “plus i think this qualifies as an emergency.”

you sprawl over your couch. “in what world does this qualify as an emergency?”

“mine. it’s fucking cold outside.”

“you’re literally indoors. this is an apartment building, jimin. and who asked you to come over? it sure as hell wasn’t me and i don’t remember having roommates-” you yelp when he shoves your legs out of the way to make room for himself, plopping down and then resituating your legs over his thighs to placate you in spite of your sarcasm. hm. he is cold.

“stop being annoying,” jimin says it without any real bite, though his fingers do pinch your leg, almost earning him a knee to the stomach, save for his fast reflexes and uncanny strength for someone his size. he glowers down at you. you scrunch your face back.

if hoseok’s post-(not-breakup)-breakup package is getting yoongi absolutely wasted, then jimin’s post-(not-breakup)-breakup package is talking through your feelings. well - it’s just a jimin thing in general, not exactly reserved for breakups and relationships. too bad you’re allergic to unpacking your emotional baggage.

the two of you sit in silence for a little bit, you staring up at your apartment ceiling while jimin idly taps rhythms against your knee with one hand, his other hand scrolling through his phone. he knows he has to ease you into it. breaking into your house (with a key you gave him, willingly) is already a bit aggressive of a move. if he pushes any harder too quickly, you’ll lock him out, literally and figuratively.

you tense when you hear the familiar clip of hoseok’s instagram story play on his phone, jimin’s hand still drumming away on your knee, though you know he felt the way you stiffened. his fingers slow a little, then come to a stop. hoseok’s video ends and you’re thrown back into silence.

jimin tilts his head toward you but you refuse to meet his gaze. his voice is soft. “you should talk to him.”

that’s unexpected. you know jimin knows exactly what happened, even if you haven’t spelled it out precisely for him. your eyes snap to jimin’s. “i tried.”

“tried as in you fought with him or tried as in you told him how you feel?”

your mouth clicks shut. winning jimin in the breakup war doesn’t feel very victorious sometimes. you wish you won hoseok in this breakup war. getting wasted is starting to sound a lot more fun than jimin’s unnervingly accurate assessment of what happened between you and yoongi. too bad hoseok doesn’t even really know there’s a breakup war happening right now.

“what’s the point?” you meant to sound flippant but it comes out bitter. your voice quiets. “even when he doesn’t know, he’s already run for the hills.”

there’s a vulnerability that’s starting to peek through. an odd trait that formed in your relationship with jimin after losing your ex was that the softest parts of you only came out when you were around jimin. otherwise you were all metal and stone, an immovable force. but jimin has always been gentle with you, in spite of the sass. the trait is only odd because -

never mind. one heartbreak at a time.

“don’t you think maybe he’d stay if he knew you loved him? maybe he’s running because he’s scared.” jimin’s eyes are still on you, attentive as ever. he’s a good friend. he’s also probably right - you know he’s right - but logic doesn’t factor in when it comes to feelings. it never has.

“love is a strong word,” you reply back simply, and you’re lucky jimin doesn’t roll his eyes. but it tells you how serious he’s being, jimin frowning back at you. the ache in your chest is consuming you slowly. you can feel it reaching up to your throat the longer jimin stares at you.

“y/n,” he says sternly, and you feel your throat constricting, like the ache is a hand and it’s stretching from your heart, around your lungs, and up to your neck, wrapping its fingers tight. your heart beats hard in your chest, hurting in a way that feels both too familiar and utterly unknown, all at the same time.

but you’re a fighter. you always have been. always have had to be. very few people have gotten close enough for you to let your guard down, but you let it happen again and now look where you are? now look what you’ve gotten yourself into?

“it is,” you say stubbornly, but it lacks strength. your vision is cloudy. every part of your mind is rejecting this reaction so you force the tears away. you blink hard, once, twice, three-four-five times. your vision clears.

the worst part about being friends with jimin is that he knows exactly when to bend to you so that you can’t fight. you’re so good at throwing up walls and coming out kicking and screaming that whenever jimin concedes, it’s like you’ve run full force into a locked door that suddenly swings open, so you’re left with no choice but to carry through on the propulsion and land sickeningly hard on the ground.

“if you say so, y/n,” jimin murmurs gently. the dam breaks.

jimin gathers you into his arms as you inhale shakily, eyes closing. you don’t realize you’re trembling until you feel the light pressure jimin uses to hold you, keep you still, while you bury your face into his chest. crying is the worst part of all this. it’s gross and it gets all over jimin’s shirt and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop. you cling to him like a lifeline. fuck min yoongi. fuck him. fuck him for his stupid ideas and his shit decisions that you participate in and the convincing cheshire grin he has. fuck his shining eyes and gummy smile and the way his hair is swept off to the side, curling into a little comma, just the way you told him you liked it, in that video hoseok has uploaded. he knows what that does to you. he has to know.

fuck min yoongi. fuck min yoongi. fuck min yoongi.

you won’t say it. you won’t give him that. you don’t care what jimin says. if yoongi wants you, he can say it first.

being a world class fuck-up is something yoongi is unfortunately well acquainted with.

he might have the riches now, but that doesn’t erase his nonexistent college degree or his shit excuse of a personality or his burned bridges. the one he has with you is smoldering. he knows exactly how to put it out but instead he’s watching the flames pick up in heat.

he stares down at the bottom of his empty glass, willing it to refill itself with more alcohol. he can afford another shot but he probably shouldn’t have one, considering how fuzzy his world already is as of right now.

but the alcohol isn’t working. fuck, it’s not working. his world gets blurrier by the minute yet somehow you are still crystal clear in his mind, embedded in his memory, rooted deep inside the ache that weighs his heart downdowndown, the kind of hurt that feels like someone is clawing his chest open and there’s no amount of sutures to close the wound. the alcohol isn’t numbing the pain. it’s burning him alive instead.

he wants to fling the glass at the wall. he wants another fucking drink. he wants to go home.

it’s too loud. there’s too many people. yoongi hates people, hates being around crowds, hates the bitter taste of alcohol searing down his throat. he just wants - he doesn’t know what he wants. he knows exactly what he wants. he hates that he knows exactly what he wants.

he lifts his glass to slam it down on the table, but loses the force right before it hits the counter, and it slips out of his grasp, wobbling a little before it settles into place. the music is giving him a headache.

his phone buzzes. with a tired hand, he clicks his phone on to see the message, both eyebrows shooting upwards when he sees the text from hoseok.

he turns, searching the crowd for his friend. he spots him a little ways across the room, hoseok lifting a beer bottle, tilting his chin towards the door. yoongi looks back down at his phone.

[11:18pm] hoseok: ready to bail and finally tell me what you’re moping about?

yoongi sucks in a cheek. he raises his glass back to the bartender. “another one, please.”

his phone buzzes again.

[11:26pm] hoseok: guess that was a no

yoongi finds hoseok again just so he can make sure hoseok can see his lovely smile as he tips back the drink.

if there is anyone in the world who would succumb to something as idiotic as fuck buddies, it would be you. you never actually thought you were the type, but not even mina was surprised when she found out. she’d simply hummed and nodded, then gave you a foreboding glance that you probably should’ve thought a little longer about. maybe it would’ve given you the hindsight to not let yoongi get tangled within your sheets.

but being with yoongi was never about thinking straight. it was, in fact, the complete opposite. you wanted to forget. you wanted to think about nothing. yoongi was always particularly good at wiping your mind entirely clean, until the only word you could even possibly try to coherently say was his name. he loved doing that to you, gritted teeth and wicked grin and dark eyes blown all the way out.

the problem is that yoongi is also your friend. he stayed, like jimin did. but this was where yoongi and jimin differed wildly. yoongi’s comfort had his hand running along your skin, a pleasant thrum vibrating through your entire body. jimin’s comfort had you slamming the metaphorical (and sometimes the non-metaphorical) door in his face every time he tried to make you talk things through.

it’s a shame you always choose the destructive path. but yoongi didn’t feel destructive, he just felt good. you knew yoongi wasn’t looking for anything but your hands on him. he knew you weren’t looking for anything but his hands on you. maybe that’s why it was easy to open up. the expectations were nonexistent and somehow that led to all your walls crumbling, yoongi carefully dismantling the bricks to see what lay behind. the ruins you were left in.

“why did you stay?” you shouldn’t ask. you know better than that. but still, you do. “he was your friend, too.”

you half expect him to crack a joke about staying so he could sleep with you, but when you loll your head to the side to meet his eyes, you’re suddenly holding your breath.

“because he was wrong,” yoongi murmurs. he hesitates; you can see the way the thoughts turn over in his mind, how he slowly makes the decision to continue. “and you were hurting.”

you can’t keep looking. you turn away, but yoongi’s hand finds yours under the sheets, a pinky looped over yours, then another finger, then his hand is shifting to hold yours lightly, palm to palm. he squeezes, once. your breath pulls in shakily.

“yeah,” you breathe out, a little brokenly. “i was.”

he swallows. “i’m sorry.”

you squeeze his hand back. “me too.”

it first happens three months after the breakup. yoongi doesn’t know what possesses him to so much as ask but he does, and one thing lead to another, and suddenly you and yoongi are fucking on maybe a weekly (twice a week - three times a week - daily) basis.

there’s no rules. neither of you know how to set them. you both know yoongi exclusively does hook-ups and you’re in no position to jump into another relationship. this is just easier.

he should’ve set rules. if not for his sake then for yours. he’s your friend, for god’s sake, and you’re nothing like him. you don’t hook up, you barely do relationships, except the one you just got out of. he’s the only one between the two of you thinking straight and still he doesn’t do right by you. still he just runs head-first into it like it doesn’t mean anything.

yoongi scrubs at his face with both hands, trying to shake you. trying to shake the fact that he always knew this was going to end poorly. yoongi runs from commitment like it’s his worst nightmare, but even after everything, he stayed by you. he can’t give you up.

he couldn’t when he saw the way you looked after your breakup, a shell of the person you used to be, and he can’t now, even when he’s hiding from you behind a too-expensive bottle of whiskey.

he’s woe to admit it but you’re one of his best friends. even before the fucking, there was a fire there, a competitive spirit that kept your friendship burning with quick wit and sharp tongues. it was fun. the two of you circled each other like tigers in a cage, but neither of you wanted out - the glint in your eyes as alluring as it was encouraging - pushing him to his limits, forcing his brain to work faster, harder.

but when he needed you - you slowed. maybe you didn’t even notice. but when yoongi, on the verge of completing his college career, couldn’t push any harder, you were the one who sat with him and told him it was going to be okay. “sometimes college isn’t for everyone,” you’d shrugged. “not everyone has to fit the mold.”

you said it like you thought yoongi was too good for the mold. like he was meant for better things. you said it in a way that made yoongi feel like maybe you were right.

and you were.

when yoongi tries to order another drink, a hand on his shoulder stops him, hoseok waving off the bartender. “let’s go,” hoseok says, tone firm enough to suggest yoongi doesn’t have much of a choice. he’s done for the night; hoseok’s finished letting him drown his problems in alcohol. “come on.”

begrudgingly, he follows hoseok through the crowd of people, head still spinning. when they break through the doors into the cool night air, yoongi grimaces. hoseok’s already ordering an uber, though yoongi suspects hoseok isn’t even tipsy anymore.

“uber’s ten minutes away,” hoseok informs him, and yoongi makes a vague noise of acknowledgement. ten minutes is too long. it’s cold and he’s tired now that he’s escaped the club’s strobe lights and deafening music. he drags himself over to the curb, planting his ass on the ground like the pathetic, drunk, grown man he is.

hoseok comes to sit beside him, though he settles in much smoother than yoongi does. hoseok’s polite - lets yoongi take a minute for himself before he dives straight in.

“you gonna tell me what this is about, or should i just save us both time and cut to the chase?”

hoseok as a friend is the oddest mix of no-nonsense and gentle prying. currently he’s in no-nonsense mode, which, for someone who has had as much alcohol as yoongi has in the past hour or so, is just exhausting.

yoongi grunts, and it’s enough of a response for hoseok to make a decision. “okay,” hoseok purses his lips like he’s actually debating if he should carry through, then does it anyway. “so, y/n.”

yoongi groans. “what about her, hoseok?”

hoseok throws him a look. “we both know that’s what this is about, yoongi.”

yoongi doesn’t answer. maybe if he stays quiet for long enough both the headache and hoseok will disappear. hoseok releases a slow breath, and gentle hoseok replaces no-nonsense hoseok when he asks, “why don’t you just tell her?”

there’s a pointed look hoseok gives him that goes entirely missed by yoongi. his head is still pounding from the excessive amount of alcohol he’d downed, combined with the heavy bass that’s thrumming through the sidewalk he’s sitting on. yoongi presses a hand to his aching temple. he’s just not as young as he used to be, he muses.

“tell her what,” yoongi’s voice drags, a result of some mix between his brain being muddied and just sheer resentment about having to even talk about this. whatever this is.

hoseok clicks his tongue. “i know you hate this,” hoseok makes a sweeping motion towards the club they’d exited from. “you think i don’t know you by now? you only drink like you’ve got several livers when you’re running from your feelings. shit habit, by the way.”

“you always come with me,” yoongi points out. hoseok shrugs.

“someone has to babysit you.”

yoongi glares at hoseok through his peripheral. hoseok makes an expression like, i’m just telling it like it is, and yoongi scowls because he knows hoseok’s right. hoseok is there every time yoongi begins this garbage routine, but he’s also there by the end of it, too, slowly nudging out what’s truly bothering yoongi.

hoseok’s been trying to guide yoongi towards better coping mechanisms, but sometimes the healthy shit doesn’t work. sometimes yoongi needs something stronger. like vodka.

(he doesn’t even like vodka.)

yoongi sighs deeply, head hanging between his knees. it’s a little pathetic that he’s sitting on the sidewalk waiting for an uber to pull up considering his age, but here he is. running from his feelings at twenty-seven just like he did at twenty-two when they first hit him like a train wreck. back then, he didn’t even so much as acknowledge the funny feeling sitting in his chest. he’d outright ignored it. it wasn’t the time or place. but he got himself into this shitty situation, so does that argument still stand right now?

“do you love her?” hoseok asks, and he’s being genuine, trying to help yoongi figure it out, but it feels like a punch to the gut. yoongi might’ve preferred that. he shoves his hands aggressively through his hair, trying to clear his head. god, he’s not sober yet. not even close.

“i don’t know,” he gripes, frustration lacing his entire body tight. “i don’t fucking know. i don’t know how to-” he cuts off, breath drawn in sharp. i don’t know how to tell if i’m in love.

yoongi’s never been in love before. he doesn’t even know what love looks like. it can’t look like those shitty movies hoseok’s sister loves to watch so much - “the girls who get it, get it, yoongi,” she always teased, wagging a finger in his direction whenever he’d scoff at her - but it’s honestly the only frame of reference he’s got. his parents sure as hell didn’t love each other.

but then he thinks of you, thinks of the way your eyes spark dangerously and excitedly when you’re about to wreck him in whatever game you’re playing this go around, or how the right side of your lips curve up first before the rest of your mouth follows when you smile, or the way you look utterly relaxed when you’re tangled in your sheets, eyes lazily following yoongi around the bedroom. he knows there’s one other frame of reference he has for love, and it’s always been you.

because love looks like waking up in your bed. or you waking up in his. it looks like your eyes lighting up whenever he pulls up your favorite movie. or the way you dress like you’re putting on battle armor whenever you’re headed into the office. it looks like the excuses you made to sleep over after nights yoongi spent leaving his touch searing across your skin, and he pretends like all those excuses make sense just so he can do it all over again in the morning.

it looks like you, age nineteen, when he first met you as you stumbled into taehyung’s dorm room instead of yours, exhaustion written deep into your bones, and you hadn’t noticed yoongi until you were already trying to curl yourself next to taehyung, puppy eyes pleading taehyung to run his hands through your hair. it looks like the way you straightened the instant you spotted yoongi, all your walls flying back up so fast it gave yoongi whiplash. it looks like how the only person you ever allowed yourself to be soft around was taehyung. because nobody else was allowed to know. including yoongi.

it looks like the feelings yoongi drowned in parties and alcohol and different people in his bed every weekend, from the day he found out you started dating taehyung just months after he met you. it looks like you with your heart ripped out of your chest, making yoongi feel exactly the same, when taehyung broke up with you years later.

love looks like a lot of things. but to yoongi, all of them are you.

you don’t hear from yoongi for weeks on end. or is it days? time passes differently both when yoongi is around and when he isn’t - hazy when you’re in his bed and hazy when he’s not in yours. either way your mind is running loops on yoongi, yoongi, yoongi.

the only glimpses you catch of him are on hoseok’s story. but since the night the two of them went clubbing, most of these are pictures and videos of the back of yoongi’s head, yoongi refusing to entertain hoseok. the weak link in you wishes hoseok was better at goading yoongi, so you could at least catch a glimpse of his face again.

coming home to an empty apartment is far more exhausting than spending hours in the office. you excel at your job, and you work hard to make sure you do. you’re never going back to being helpless and in debt again. there’s no amount of heartbreak that could slip you up. even when taehyung broke up with you, you simply told everyone you were going to be working from home for a little while, splitting your emotions between writing reports while running through buckets of ice cream.

(mina recommended it. she said if you can’t express your feelings, at least eat them. you owe yourself that much.)

you probably looked ridiculous. sniffling as you barreled through numbers and reports and meeting decks all while your heart lay crushed underneath the constant replay of taehyung saying, i think we should break up.

you’ve never begged for anyone in your life. you’ve never asked anyone to stay. but you begged taehyung, cried and screamed and tried to understand why he would want to leave. taehyung was a pillar in your life, and when he left, your entire world shifted on its axis. everything crumbled.

you’ve always known your heart is made of glass. it has to be handled with care. that’s the only reason your ribcage is built with steel, fortified and bulletproof. you can’t afford the pain - you don’t have the time, energy, or money.

but taehyung slipped through. he made you feel like it was okay. the things you were self-conscious about slipped away when you were around him, because he made you feel like those things didn’t matter. like it was okay that sometimes (most times) you bailed on plans because a shift opened up and you had to take it. or that you dedicated the remainder of your free time to studying, so you could keep your scholarship. so you could ace your classes. pull yourself from the worst of poverty up to the top of the world.

you made it, and he was there, and then all of a sudden, he wasn’t.

it hurt. it hurt like a crater in your chest, like someone plowed straight through without remorse, tooth and claw just tearing out your heart with a sadistic smile. how could he leave? how could he understand you while you fought your way through to the top, only to say he didn’t know how to be around you anymore?

“you don’t need me,” his smile was wounded, and it felt unfair. he was the one sending fractures through your system, tremors shaking the foundation. everything you built. by yourself. with him. everything - gone. “i’m not good enough for you anymore.”

wrong. liar. coward.

kim taehyung is a coward. if he didn’t love you anymore, he should’ve just said that.

yoongi remembers a lot of things when it comes to you.

he remembers the day he met you, he remembers when you kicked his ass in beer pong on one of those rare nights that taehyung could convince you to come out and take a break, and he remembers watching you graduate, the proud grin as you walked across stage, the look in your eyes that defied the world, announcing your presence. i made it, yoongi could hear it in the way your eyes scanned the crowd. against all odds.

you’ve always carried yourself with confidence. back straight, head held high. you leave flames in your wake, unstoppable. you accept nothing less than your best.

but then taehyung broke up with you, and something changed.

in the weeks after the break-up, several arguments ensued, jimin, taehyung, and yoongi at each other’s throats in a way they never had been before. petty arguments are familiar to yoongi, but this, he knew, was different. different because its turning point was you.

yoongi was over it by the time they were arguing for longer than three days, but jimin held on, so yoongi stayed put, too. but taehyung wasn’t budging, and jimin was tired of arguing, and in the end, taehyung lost not only you, but jimin and yoongi, too.

jimin somehow managed to lasso yoongi into coming along to check up on you after the fact, even if yoongi was convinced they were already weeks too late - it’s you. there is no one he knows who is better at being poised in the midst of a storm.

then you opened the door, expecting mina, and yoongi had all his preconceptions about you wiped clean.

you’d looked sunken in, hollow. nothing like the uptight, stickler for schedules, no-bullshit person yoongi had come to know. you’d never skipped class in college, and you didn’t take sick days at work. all these years and you kept every part of you spick and span, crafted perfectly so no one could ever see the shaky foundation underneath, how fragile you truly were.

even when it had registered to you that it was jimin and yoongi at your door instead of mina, you didn’t rebuild your defenses.

you couldn’t.

it’d triggered something funny in his chest. you so rarely let your defeats show. but you’d held on for so long, and without taehyung, there was nothing holding you together anymore. yoongi had never seen you with your walls down before, only window glances that disappeared as quickly as they came - but there you were, eyes downcast, your whirlwind force died down to nothing.

yoongi nurses his drink, eyes faraway. seeing you with your guard down once was already a rarity, but he saw it again, and again, and again after nights spent laying next to each other in bed. but this time he got to see it in the form of your genuine smiles, laughter ringing out, your happiness exuded in the form of tears in the corner of your eyes from giggling too much. he got to see it on the nights yoongi convinced you to watch the movies hoseok’s sister loved so much, and saw your eyes long for something you didn’t have anymore, even though you called yoongi a ‘secret sap’ for wanting to watch something so melodramatic.

you let him in. soft kisses, quiet gasps, the press of you against him. deep inhales as you lay with your head buried into the crook of yoongi’s neck. one of yoongi’s hands tangled in your hair, the other cupping your jaw, a thumb running slowly against your cheek. you have a hard time letting people in, but yoongi thinks he might be worse.

why else is he running from you right now?

[12:47am] yoongi: fkcing miss u so bad

[12:47am] yoongi: want u

[12:49am] yoongi: want evrythign abt u want to feel u agin

[12:51am] yoongi: fuck

fuck.

yoongi stares at his phone. you don’t have your read receipts on but yoongi knows for a fact that you check your messages religiously, so there’s no way you haven’t seen the line of drunk messages yoongi sent last night. all things considered, it could’ve gone a lot worse. yoongi could’ve said something phenomenally stupid, like, i might be in love with you, which would arguably make this go from embarrassing to terrifying in less than a second.

yoongi rereads his messages.

no. still terrifying.

fuck.

“you’re up,” hoseok looks unimpressed in yoongi’s bedroom doorway, probably because he had to haul yoongi’s absolutely wasted ass back into his apartment last night. “i told you someone needs to babysit you.”

yoongi waves an arm carelessly, shifting to get upright. he has the world’s worst hangover but nothing feels more pressing than the four drunk texts he sent you last night. “i’m a fucking idiot.”

“i’m glad you know,” hoseok pushes himself off the wall and into yoongi’s room. “but i assume there’s a reason you’re re-informing me.”

yoongi shoves the phone in hoseok’s general direction, and hoseok - asshole - snorts when he reads it. yoongi glares up at him. hoseok shrugs back. “don’t look at me like that,” hoseok lifts yoongi’s phone in the air, using his free hand to point towards it. “this? this is sad, hilarious, and also not the worst thing you could drunk text your ex-fuck buddy you have feelings for.”

yoongi heaves a sigh, dropping his head into his hands. being hungover is already a miserable experience, but hoseok stating everything he’s avoiding out loud like it’s a simple fact makes this much worse.

the bed sinks when hoseok comes to sit beside him, throwing himself back. “i should’ve just tossed you on the couch instead,” hoseok bemoans, stretching out against the sheets. “taken your bed for myself. but look at me. i’m the best friend in the universe.” hoseok makes himself comfortable on yoongi’s bed, humming and cracking several joints along the way, but yoongi is both too used to his best friend and too deep in his own thoughts to notice or care.

hoseok sighs. “yoongi,” he draws yoongi out of his own head, nudging yoongi’s side with his foot. “you have to talk to her at some point. hey - i’m serious,” hoseok doubles down when yoongi tries to get up, hoseok using his foot to kick yoongi in the side and force him back down. “you can’t keep avoiding this. it’s not fair to you, and it’s not really fair to her, either. you owe her your honesty.”

yoongi knows hoseok’s right. he knows his friend is right but it’s just so - so overwhelming, he doesn’t know how to grasp at his feelings when he’s sober and awake. how can he stand in front of you and tell you he loves you when he’s already scared of the end? of losing you? yoongi can’t afford that. he can’t not be with you. he can’t lose you. it’s why he’s never crossed the line.

but who is he fucking kidding? the minute he fell into bed with you, he crossed as many lines as humanly possible.

there are not a lot of things you would rewind time for.

everything you fought past, got you to where you are today. if you wanted a penthouse, you could have one, easily. you just choose to live a simpler life, with as few grandiose things as you can get by with. sure, there are still luxuries you’ll splurge on, but for the most part - you’re satisfied with making do. a roof over your head, your debts paid, and a fridge full of food. there’s not much else to want for. the only way you would’ve wanted to make it here is through your own wits and hard work.

so you don’t regret it. you’ve largely grown past resenting the fact that you never got a lot of what other kids your age got when they were young - an easy life. but you’re grateful for what you have, even if that means you lost a number of things to get here.

still, there are some moments you wish you could go back to.

when taehyung left, you couldn’t understand him. you didn’t understand him. jimin didn’t either, and apparently neither did yoongi. you love jimin, and the way you feel for yoongi, well - it’s besides the point. taehyung was one of jimin and yoongi’s closest friends. having them fight and eventually split felt a lot like your fault. you ruined things. every human relationship you entered, you fucked up. with even the slightest tip of your finger, it all came apart at the seams.

so maybe you would go back, and undo a couple things, even if it meant yoongi and jimin stayed with taehyung instead of you.

or maybe you would go back, laugh in yoongi’s face when he suggested sleeping together, if it meant you didn’t fuck this up all over again.

but yoongi’s texts from last night are still staring back at you from your phone screen, and you know that you don’t really want to take any of it back. you don’t regret it. you don’t want to undo the nights of tangled sheets and muffled drunk laughter and bickering over what to eat for dinner or the image of sleepy yoongi in the morning, hair ruffled and eyes barely open. you don’t want to take back gazing at him and realizing you have feelings for him, and letting it show. you don’t care that it scared him. you were honest with him. even if you didn’t say it out loud, there’s no mistaking it. you both know it.

you heave a sigh. with your eyes shut, you press the now dark screen of your phone to your forehead, grasping it with both hands, before slowly re-opening your eyes, setting your phone to the side. yoongi drunk texting you had sent an excited thrill through you, even against your better judgment. you know he’s just talking about your body. it’s not about you. it can’t be about you-

there’s a knock at your door that startles you. your name comes shortly after, and it sounds too much like a plea. it sounds too much like yoongi.

hesitantly, you raise to your feet, heading towards the door. you’re still in your pajamas - a ridiculous set mina bought you as a joke but turned out to be incredibly comfortable - and with a held breath, you open the door to find the person you’ve been non-stop thinking about for weeks on end.

he looks a little surprised to see you in the doorway, as if this isn’t your apartment and like it wasn’t him who came looking for you in the first place. his lips part, but nothing comes out.

you want to fight. you want to be angry and yell at him for leaving you alone the last time he was here, right before you both decided to drop off the face of the planet, leaving jimin to come knocking down your door and hoseok to drag yoongi out of bars and clubs. the last time yoongi was at your door, you’d thrown all your walls back up because yoongi had done the same after seeing the affection in your eyes the night before. he couldn’t handle your feelings and you couldn’t stand the sting of rejection again.

but he’s here. he’s here and there’s no armor you can form against that look in his eyes.

you don’t even say his name, don’t even let him in before it comes tumbling out, “i think i love you.”

all at once, the storm in yoongi’s eyes clears. you can see the way his world quiets inside, breath escaping him and he softens, tension slipping off his shoulders. slowly, he steps inside, closing the door behind him, and you take a step back to match every step he takes in.

shoes toed off, jacket shrugged off his shoulders, he comes closer and closer. for someone who ditched you because he was scared of commitment, he sure looks quite at home inside your apartment.

“i’m not gonna take it back,” you whisper. “i don’t care. i mean it. i don’t give a fuck if you’re scared, i’m not taking it back.” you wield your feelings like it’s a weapon. or maybe, like it’s a shield.

his expression doesn’t change, that contradicting mix of someone who feels simultaneously at peace and fiercely determined, all at once. he backs you up further and further, until you hit the back of your couch, your fingers catching on the edge to balance yourself. he doesn’t touch you, but his hands do come to rest on the back of the couch too, caging you in.

his eyes scan over your face, features softening the longer he looks at you. this is the yoongi who lay in bed next to you all those nights before. the yoongi who secretly enjoys watching the same movies hoseok’s sister openly loves. the yoongi who makes you laugh till you can’t breathe, who ignites a competitive streak in you, who has always quietly believed in you. this yoongi doesn’t have his walls up in the form of a tantalizing smirk and dark eyes. this yoongi is the one who stood by your side, unconditionally.

his hands shift to your waist, grip firm but light. his forehead presses against yours, both your eyes fluttering shut, but you hold your breath as he exhales his.

“i’m sorry,” he murmurs. “i wasn’t being fair.”

your eyes open to meet his, and his apologies swim in his eyes, layers deep. his hands tighten on your waist, like he’s scared if he lets go, you’ll disappear.

“you’re one of few constants in my life,” he confesses. “i was being greedy when i asked you to sleep with me. because i wanted more without the risk of losing you, and i thought if we were still just friends, it’d be fine. i used every excuse in the book. but i’ll always want more, y/n. i - “ he swallows, and you grip the couch a little harder. “i’ll always want you.”

your breath escapes you, and the corner of his lips quirk up. “i think i’ve loved you for years,” his teeth catch on his lower lip. “well - i know i have.”

you tremble a little when your hand comes up to grip his shirt. “asshole,” you scoff out, but there’s no force behind it. “you could’ve just said that instead of running away for three weeks.”

he laughs at that, hands moving to press you against him, draw you as close as he can get. “sorry,” he repeats. “i’ll make it up to you.”

“i’m still mad,” you breathe, but your eyes are on his lips and he knows it.

“that’s fair,” he agrees, then you’re melting against him, hands buried in his hair as you tug him flush to you, all words lost to his mouth on yours. you’ve missed him. you’ve missed him too much to do only just talking, wanting his hands, mouth, anything you can get, on you.

you can tell yoongi feels the same, the urgency in which he presses himself close to you, the way he kisses you equal parts desperate and soft. yoongi holds you like he can’t bear to let go. like if he loses even another second with you, then there would’ve been no point to him lowering his walls to stand in front of you to begin with.

“don’t ever take it back,” he whispers against your lips when you finally pull away.

“hm?”

“you said you’re not gonna take it back,” the corners of his lips tilt upwards ever so slightly. “that you love me. don’t ever take it back.”

you can’t help the curl of your lips in response.

“couldn’t even if i tried to.”

#yoongi x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi x yn #yoongi x y/n #yoongi angst #yoongi #angst #im so sleepy rn idk #fic: awjf

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phantommaws · 7 months

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Vent

I would like to preface this post by letting you know in advance that I will be mentioning things to do with my declining mental health and suicidal thoughts and ideation. It is far from my intention to trigger anybody who reads this and so, I kindly request that if these are triggers for you, that you please skip out on reading this post. Thank you.

I know that some of you may have been wondering why I decided to take a break from social media earlier this week. Unfortunately, I have been severely mentally unstable for a very long time and recently began to feel suicidal, and it took a lot of courage for me to just make that first move into seeking help.

It was far from an easy task for me to do because of things that have occurred in my past that make it difficult for me to open up about my thoughts and feelings to other people. It's nothing to do with how I was raised as my Dad unfortunately has suffered with severe depression ever since I can remember, but there's always that fear in the background of being judged despite knowing your family and friends will always support you.

And so, I was brave and I booked an appointment with my GP about my mental health issues. It was incredibly helpful as I have been provided with many useful links and methods of self-help, and I am now on antidepressants to help me with those horribly self-destructive thoughts. I am starting to feel somewhat better already, and I will be making sure to refer myself to the therapy/counselling links that were provided to me by my GP.

I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my teenage years that has been rattling around in my head and festering for the past eleven years, and it's time for me to finally take care of myself and get the help that I need. I just wish that I could have been brave enough to do so sooner.

But if you've made it this far into my vent, thank you. I know that it really isn't easy to read about how somebody else is suffering; trust me, I've been there. But thank you to everyone who has been there for me throughout the past year. I truly appreciate every single one of you and the little things that you guys do to make me smile every day. Sharing art, making funny posts, dropping small notes of positivity into my inbox; every single one of these means so much more to me than I can possibly put into words.

And to those of you who are in much a similar position as myself, you are not alone. I know that it isn't easy but there are people out there who love and appreciate you and the fact that they have you in their lives; family, friends, sometimes strangers on the internet who you met by chance and have become such close friends that it's almost as though you could be siblings. My point is, you matter and you are seen. And if all you did today was just manage to hold yourself together, then I am so very proud of you.

~ Holly / Spencer

#tw antidepressants #tw sui ideation #tw sui talk #tw depression #tw mental health #tw mental illness #mental heath awareness

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pepsiboyy · 3 months

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i'm gonna go on a little rant related to some stuff at my work that happened today relating to my stalker, feel free to scroll i just need to get this out somewhere

i find it incredibly bizarre that the moment i reported to management about this, they told the guy stalking me that he is NOT ALLOWED NEAR MY DEPARTMENT. AT ALL, no exceptions. (i work at the front, so sometimes there are times where he MUST and i have been letting that slide). one case is loading tvs. they told him not to load tvs because there are others who can do that. he has continued to load tvs. i let it slide because whatever, maybe they were behind and really needed someone to. but today, when he had three other people who i am perfectly okay with (i have no issues with anybody else in the workplace), he made his way all the way to where i work, multiple times, and just fucked around. he looked at drinks with one of the reps, he went through bins and didn't even take anything back to his department. like he could have easily sent somebody else to do these things because of the rules that were set. but he hasn't.

a large part of me wants to ask my manager like. hey dude. what gives? but part of me feels like i come off as too sensitive or asking of too much. i just feel like when boundaries are set, they should still be standing. but as the weeks go by, each one has fallen one by one and it has gotten to a point where he is in my department again just to keep his eyes on me.

i told my friend earlier today about this, and she said "i feel like he is only doing it to get to you and push your buttons" which i completely understand, and i have not interacted with him at all and i have simply ignored him. it's just hard to get over everything when i see him every single day at work, and he constantly tries to pull shit to be near me. i have tried to let it go, but it's hard knowing that he is constantly keeping an eye on where i am. even outside of work. it's hard.

every single night he goes to the local coffee/drink hangout place that I GO TO at the same times that I GO with my friends. he goes alone. every single night. and keeps an eye out. i have noticed this because i drive past it every single night when going home from work (most nights he gets off 45 minutes before me). there is a location closer to him, same with gas stations and grocery stores and even fast food places. but he always goes to the ones by where i live. even though he lives further away by about ten to fifteen minutes.

i have blocked him on all social media but he has found a way onto the new tiktok i made for the band i'm in. he did not view the videos, but he viewed the account. which i only posted about on pages that i have blocked him on. so he didn't just get our video on his fyp, he quite literally clicked onto our page or searched it up. wtf

i'm just sick of it. i was getting over it but the more i think about it, the worse it gets. i'm tired of keeping an eye out everywhere i go. i just want to leave my house without feeling like i'm being watched. it's unfortunate. but i don't really know what to do at my work without coming off as annoying or sensitive.

#apollo yaps #rants #sturniolo triplets

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notebookishbalderdash · 1 year

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Following on from the bullet journaling gentrification post & your own thoughts on the topic: as somebody who posts their BuJo online, how do you deal with the pressure of creating “aesthetic” pages? Do you have to remind yourself to treat your BuJo as a tool? If so, how do you do it?

(Asking as somebody who managed to get back into bullet journaling thanks to a 5-year-long break from social media, but is now itching to start posting journaling content again)

(Scared I’ll fall back into crippling perfectionism)

thanks for the question! my answer may be a little disappointing. the answer is, i very, very rarely post my bullet journal online. you can see just how much i reblog other people's journals versus my own by scanning the tags. this is partly because i extremely value privacy and am too paranoid to post a final page (even though i think that is the prettiest stage) and because i don't find my pages all that interesting before that point. i tried posting clean (without a schedule/personal information) spreads on instagram a while ago, but i fell into the same frustration of feeling like i was posting the same thing over and over while also too uncomfortable to post something beyond that.

in a lot of ways, recognizing other people's journaling styles as theirs and not true to my vision of a bullet journal helped - but the main way i keep the pressure off is to think of it as an extended to-do list/diary combo and not dress it up as a grander concept. the way i have made my bujo my own is to allow myself to mess up, frankly. i write in pen, and while i hate having to scribble out misspellings, i've come to terms with it as a living document. part of my struggle with extremely aestheticized pages is that it feels like making gorgeous dollhouses that no one can live in - i feel like nothing i write will live up to the frame. distilling my practice down to really simple things i like (color combinations, neat pens, lots of check boxes) helped me focus on it as a tool for my own work as well as a place i can record my life without writing long, prose entries about my day (a journaling practice i never stuck with for long).

i still struggle with the aesthetic value, especially when colleagues comment, 'omg your handwriting is so nice!' or "i could never make something that pretty!' but ultimately, as long as i can read my handwriting and feel organized, i'm alright. my main advice is to start small and see where you grow. having an audience is less fulfilling than making yourself excited to return to the practice.

tl;dr: try to find what excites you about bullet journaling and what draws you to the practice functionally. thinking of the book as something that lives and breathes through your life changes (like you do!) helps, but if you need to keep all or some of it private to learn what works for you, then do so! no one else is using your journal, after all.

#bullet journals #asks #journals #journaling

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champagnepodiums · 2 years

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F1 IG Weekly Round-Up: Thoughts on BreakUp Posts, Alpine and Danny Ric

I am back with my second weekly observational roundup. Once again, I'm just going to hit on three things for the sake of brevity (and this isn't super brief as it is).

And obviously, I could not have an F1 IG round-up without mentioning the thing that made the most waves:

The Breakup Post:

Charles Leclerc announcing his breakup. This week brought up observations between similarities in past statements as well as conversations about why they're even necessary in the first place.

So I thought I'd take a crack at explaining and exploring this concept.

Are Break-Up Posts Necessary?

I don't think there really is a hard and fast rule about the necessity of a breakup post BUT I do think that for motorsport drivers, if the ex-partner has any sort of visibility or platform, then a breakup post is likely warranted.

But why?

To avoid a huge PR crisis.

Imagine this -- Charles Leclerc is spotted kissing a woman that is not his known partner and there has been no acknowledgment of a breakup between him and the known partner.

That is not going to go over well. That is going to create buzz and controversy and could damage his reputation. And in a sport where reputation is everything and keeping sponsors happy means keeping your job, a driver isn't going to risk a PR crisis.

Another reason to post a breakup notice is that if they don't --Tabloids WILL speculate, google Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger. So I firmly hold that it's better for drivers to take control and make that announcement on their own terms.

And because the breakup is done as an IG story, it's meant to be a fleeting, informational thing so both the driver and their former partner can move on.

Why do they all look the same?

I think between Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc and Christian Lundgaard's breakup posts being so similar, it's pretty clear that there is a template that has been decided on by motorsport PR professionals as the best way to go about announcing a breakup. As far as why there is a template, I think the answer to that is the same above -- to avoid a huge PR crisis.

The template accomplishes exactly what it needs to -- tells of the breakup, assures that they're still friends (aka 'nothing to see here'), and asks for privacy. Nothing more and in an age where any grain of gossip will spread like wildfire, that's probably the best move.

Alpine: They Already Look Over It

okay, so these photos aren't even the first set of photos that we've seen recently of Esteban and Pierre together but I think (don't quote me though) this is the first photos of them on the Alpine IG feed (not stories).

And they both just look over it.

I'm seeing tons of reading into their body language yet I saw somebody (and I wish I would've paid attention to who said this but alas) say that they look like children who have been forced to sit through WAY too many holiday photos. And I think that's spot on.

My prediction for both Esteban and Pierre is that they both will outgain their 2022 gains next season. And I think this will happen because there are tons of potential for storylines and drama. Both Pierre and Esteban do social media well but I think between Alpha Tauri just not really doing much and Esteban just not having much controversy, their gains in 2022 were not maximized. I fully expect their 2023 gains to be higher.

Daniel Ricciardo: Staying Relevant in the US?

So this isn't really anything that was posted on IG but there was an article that was posted this past week on Sports Business Journal that talked about Daniel's management team focusing on keeping Daniel relevant in the US in 2023 -- but it sounds like they ruled out any possibility of any sort of one-off in any major American racing series.

Before I go any further, I want to be very clear: what I'm about to say next is not any sort of criticism against Daniel AT ALL.

And I think that is interesting because it'd almost seem like doing a one-off NASCAR race or something would be an easy way to stay relevant in the US. So that makes me wonder -- is American motorsports actually so irrelevant that doing media things would be more visibility in the US? And if that's the case then I think NASCAR especially should be sounding alarm bells, you know?

I think maybe that this could be an indication of how American motorsports have largely been unable to capitalize on the DTS popularity in the US but maybe that's a stretch? I'm just spitballing here.

And admittedly, there are lots of other reasons that they would choose not to do a NASCAR race (including just not wanting to risk a concussion because NASCAR is having an Issue with that but that is a whole other rant lol). But I just thought it was interesting that confirming no NASCAR races in 2023 while simultaneously expressing intent to stay relevant specifically in the US market.

And like I said -- no hate to Daniel AT ALL. I wouldn't want to race in NASCAR either but I'm anti-NASCAR right now SO I am biased.

Regardless, I think it'll be interesting to see how Daniel (and his team) harnesses his social media power over the 2023 season. I will be keeping an eye on him.

As always, I love to hear your thoughts so please feel free to send them in my direction! (And I am curious to know if you guys like this weekly round up or if it's not worth the time?)

#f1 #formula one #kate's weekly round up #formula 1 #charles leclerc #esteban ocon #pierre gasly #daniel ricciardo

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d2kvirus · 8 months

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26/1/24 Fact or Fiction

Statement #1: Bayley will win the 2024 women’s Royal Rumble. FACT - It makes perfect sense from a storyline standpoint to have Bayley vs Iyo at WM, and given the Rumble and MITB are effectively treated as ersatz titles these days it also fits to have Bayley get a clean sweep of all women's titles, Rumble and MITB

Statement #2: You spell battle royale with an “e”. FICTION - Only when talking about that Japanese film given that's, you know, the title and everything

Statement #3: There should be a Tag Team Royal Rumble match. FICTION - Mainly as it will be a logistical nightmare to a match where the only finish would be one babyface Ricky Mortoning their way through one or two heel tag teams in the final four

Statement #4: For Cody Rhodes to “finish the story” he must defeat Roman Reigns for the WWE Title in a WrestleMania main event. FACT - If he wins the title from Not Reigns that would be a consolation prize at best, and if he's not even in a title match at WM then he's a punchline for the remainder of his time there

Statement #5: You will consume alcohol while watching this year’s Royal Rumble match. FICTION - One time a few years back my local pub showed the Rumble live. Give the show started at 1am, and that was the 2013 Rumble where the booking went into full "Sod you, you're getting Rock vs Cena II" mode, it was not fun walking home at 4am with a few beers in me while being PO'd that the last two matches of the show were effectively Vince sticking his middle finger up at his audience. But he's stuck worse things in worse places, from what I hear...

Statement #6: Draymond Green has a WWE career waiting for him after he retires from the NBA. FICTION - Given he's a dead ringer for Ledley King, Tottenham will surely ask him if he can play centre back as that couldn't be worse than Eric Dier

Statement #7: You recognize The Big Show as the real winner of the 2000 Royal Rumble match. FACT - Because he did. At least Cena & Batista's botch managed to work out in such a way it was obvious the booking was telling the fans to ignore the evidence of their eyes and their ears

Statement #8: An “Even Greater” Royal Rumble with 60 entrants would be fun. FICTION - The 40-man Rumble was pretty bad, so adding 50% more entrants to that would be as terrible as me beginning this response and forgetting that one time they did a 50-man Rumble...

Statement #9: Jinder Mahal’s WWE championship run was underrated. FICTION - It wasn't even rated due to it being the booking equivalent of The Great Molasses Flood of 1919: slow, painful, and horrible to witness

Statement #10: Tony Khan’s tweets are fun. FICTION - While the whole "I can't support AEW as the owner is a bit cringe on Twitter" discourse is almost entirely performative garbage from garbage performers on forums and social media alike, Tony really needs somebody hovering over him to keep him from making the story about him instead of AEW

Statement #11: Santino Marella’s “I wasn’t ready!” elimination from 2009 Rumble match is the funniest moment in Royal Rumble history. FICTION - The ending of the 2005 Rumble is best for its unintended hilarity, not least due to Vince's comedic tumble as he realises he blew out both quads and having to sit there like a toddler giving instructions

Statement #12: You are more interested in what Nic Nemeth does post-WWE than Matt Riddle. FICTION - If Nemeth bet on himself when his contract was up in the mid-2010s I certainly would have been interested in what he had to offer, but after a decade of forgetting he was still employed at various points I'm far less interested, so Riddle wins by default

Statement #13: Here’s a good idea, a TLC Royal Rumble: entrants can be eliminated by going over the top OR by being put through a table, chairs are ladders are legal, and after all 30 entrants have entered then the remaining wrestlers are able to go after a WrestleMania main event contract hanging above the ring. FICTION - I'm sure that a table battle royal exists somewhere, but there's two obvious problems with using tables for eliminations: the table not breaking, or the table breaking when it's not supposed to. Either way, any stip involving something which can't follow booking instructions like tables, glass or Koji Kitao is destined to have a botched finish sooner or later

Statement #14: In pro-wrestling, a good punch is better than a good chop. FICTION - Not that I'm against a good worked punch, but what puts a chop over the top for me is the sound when somebody who can really lay them in, be it Gunther or Go Shiozaki or Pentagon Jr

Statement #15: In the next 20 years, someone will break Stone Cold Steve Austin’s record of 3 Royal Rumble match wins. FICTION - Most of the men on two wins have already retired so if they have (for the sake of argument) Cody winning four in a row it will be forced as hell just to create a record for the sake of creating a record - which is why I can't see them trying that with the women's Rumble, given that match is so young that it would look especially obvious if they have Bianca Belair or Rhea Ripley win it every other year to get her numbers up

Statement #16: Kazuchika Okada should go to the WWE. FICTION - Okada should go wherever he feels would be the best place for his career. That might be WWE, that might be AEW, that might be a company which isn't even in the conversation at the moment, but saying he "should" join one company or another is just like the worst part of football discourse for decades before social media became a thing and made it even more irritating

Statement #17: WCW’s three-ring World War 3 battle royale concept should be brought back. FICTION - The main issue with both WarGames and Blood & Guts is there's always the chance the camera misses something in the second ring as it's focusing on something in the first ring (or, in B&G's case, outside the ring or on top of the cage) so a third ring increases the chances of the production truck missing something

Statement #18: If The Rock wrestles at WrestleMania 40 it will NOT be his last match. FACT - Mainly because of the genuine concern that, if he does win at WM, it will be the second time in recent(ish) memory he's come back to end a lengthy title reign, meaning he has to stick around to drop the belt...right?

Statement #19: You prefer to watch actual wrestling over movies about wrestling, like The Iron Claw. FICTION - At no point when watching The Wrestler did the film cut to commercial mid-match, nor did I question Darren Aronofsky's booking decisions...until Noah, anyway, but the point I'm making...

Statement #20: Playing the Royal Rumble mode on the early ’90s WWF WrestleFest arcade game is history’s greatest wrestling video game experience. FICTION - As fun as the Wrestlefest Rumble was, the greatest wrestling game experience for me was borrowing someone's GameShark so I could actually use Jake Roberts in SDvsR 2006, as that was locked behind needing PS2 & PSP crossplay otherwise and I didn't know a single person with a PSP

Statement #21: If the top rope breaks during a battle royale, wrestlers should still be legally eliminated by being throw over the 2nd rope. FACT - Makes sense, as if the top rope breaks the middle rope becomes the top rope. Just don't ask if the top rope breaks on one side but not the other three, that's a headache waiting to happen

Statement #22: 2x Royal Rumble winner John Cena is the greatest wrestler of all time. FICTION - Mitsuharu Misawa is spinning in his urn

Statement #23: Here’s another good idea – a Reverse Royal Rumble: the match starts with all 30 entrants in the ring and every 2 minutes someone is randomly eliminated, but you can can be safe from the random countdown eliminations if you eliminate someone else first. FICTION - New rule for 411mania: anybody suggesting reverse battle royals must post photo ID to prove they aren't Vince Russo - and if they aren't, that makes it even worse

Statement #24: No one ever retires – the Undertaker will wrestle again. FICTION - Plenty of wrestlers retire for real, be it due to injuries which can't be rehabbed or because nobody noticed that they retired. More than anything else, though, since retiring Undertaker has removed the mystique he had for decades with his podcast appearances and so forth, and that genie isn't getting put back in the bottle

Statement #25: IMPACT Wrestling changing their name back to TNA will make you watch again. FICTION - It's not airing in the depths of Freeview in the UK anymore, which is why TNA had a surprisingly large following in the UK 15+ years ago, so unless there's some really good word of mouth that will send me to WatchWrestling I will likely not be actively looking to watch it

Statement #26: WWE should bring back the ECW brand again. FICTION - If there's any brand which WWE bought and then euthanised they should consider bringing back it's Evolve. No, wait, hear me out: the thing with Evolve is there's little to no emotional attachment or cultural cache attached to the brand as there is with ECW or ROH, so if they rebranded NXT LVL UP to Evolve it wouldn't hamstring the show before a second had aired, given the name is mainly associated with Gabe Sapolsky booking shows for DGUSA talent when the Dragon Gate wrestlers weren't available

Statement #27: You would be excited to see Shane McMahon as a surprise entrant in the Royal Rumble match this year. FICTION - I'd rather he was a surprise entrant in MITB or the Elimination Chamber, as that means we'd guarantee somebody taking an utterly ludicrous bump in matches which sort of require it

Statement #28: WWE already has too many international PLEs scheduled for this year. FICTION - Actually having PPVs for overseas crowds, and not the UK-only PPVs that WWE used to fob off their UK audience with which HHH always seemed to be "injured" for yet healthy to appear on Raw a couple of nights later, is something WWE needed to consider for the longest time. Remember, that's actual crowds, not Bonesaw McGraw's mates...

Statement #29: It’s sad that one year ago Sami Zayn was the hottest wrestler in the world, but now no one talks about him, he has no chance of winning the Royal Rumble or ever main event-ing a WrestleMania again. FACT - Especially considering that Sami did the impossible and made the Bloodline actually interesting and not JBL's Cabinet with Polynesian tattoos, and he deserved to be rewarded for that with the booking Jey Uso is currently getting

Statement #30: CM Punk will win the 2024 men’s Royal Rumble. FACT - Seems like the wisest call to make: if Rollins is healthy come WM, Punk vs Rollins will go ahead while Cody/Reigns is for all the marbles, but if Rollins isn't healthy there's a story for Punk/Reigns or potential for a Punk/Cody/Reigns three-way - so all Punk has to do is not break his foot doing a spot that makes no sense to wreck those booking plans, or lose his rag on a habitual basis to wreck literally everything around him

#fact or fiction #factorfiction #royal rumble #cm punk

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