#I remember exactly one scene (and by that I mean one exchange between two characters)

[robotsprinkles]

once again wasting time looking for a show I watched once years ago on my grandparents’ tv in china that I’ll probably never find

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Good Omens 2 Episode 1: what’s in a name

So I have just watched the first episode of season 2 of Good Omens, and I am going to write this post instead of watching the next episode right away for two reasons: one, watching tv for too long gives me a headache, and second, I refuse to let the streaming companies’ obsession with dropping entire seasons at once stop me from enjoying the journey, and enjoying the journey for me means stopping to think and write about things.

So this is my reaction to episode 1 of Good Omens season 2. Spoilers, duh.

The fil rouge that runs through the episode is the theme of names. We have Aziraphale who introduces himself by name in the flashback to Crowley, who does not reciprocate that kind of introduction, which paints a picture of where they stand in relation to each other, i.e. not exactly on the same page.

And then we have Maggie, who makes a gift to Nina based on her name (the Nina Simone record), but Nina cannot play it, which represents how they cannot be on the same page at all due to circumstances.

Of course we have James long for Jim short for Gabriel. And then we have Muriel, who is asked her identity so she has to say her name but also insists she’s nobody. Also, in the first scene with Michael and Uriel, Michael states their names out loud, which emphasizes how their identity is tied to their name, which highlights how Gabriel not remembering his name and then being forbidden from using it is an encapsulation of his struggle with identity. (There’s also the clothes - being naked is as far as you can get from the normal condition of angels with their pristine outfits, but that’s quite an obvious imagery trope.)

So this is an episode that deals with identity and how it relates to interpersonal relationships.

The first scene is absolutely lovely. They are immediately comfortable with each other - Crowley feels free to act nerdy, Aziraphale, despite his fear of saying anything “inappropriate” at all, expresses his concerns regarding Crowley’s attitude. But they’re not quite on the same page, due to their differences in personality. Crowley is nerding out about the nebula and doesn’t quite get that Aziraphale is trying to connect in a different way (exchanging names). So Aziraphale feels that Crowley doesn’t care about him, but then Crowley shields Aziraphale with his wing. Crowley is not the kind of person who likes to use words to express emotional matters, Aziraphale is (thus how he makes Crowley speak his apology out loud, complete with dance). Crowley’s love language is actions, not words, more specifically actions to protect Aziraphale.

An additional difference between them that is highlighted in the scene is how Aziraphale cares primarily about people, while Crowley cares primarily about nature (stars, ducks). Crowley is interested in the universe as a whole, and doesn’t have much affection for people in general. Aziraphale loves people. And that’s why one stayed up and the other went down, of course.

And of course the difference between their priorities is the source of their conflict in this episode, as Aziraphale sees a vulnerable angel (something he can relate to very much) and automatically decides to help him, but Crowley’s priority is Aziraphale’s safety.

Nina and Maggie are wonderful mirrors for our main characters, although way behind on the relationship process than Crowley and Aziraphale are. Nina needs to keep Maggie at a distance, due to her being already involved with another person and thus being unable to let herself connect with Maggie. Nina is perfectly capable of being affable and sweet, as shown with Aziraphale, so her curtness with Maggie can only be explained by the fact that she finds Maggie cute, and that’s why she cannot let herself get close to her, so she does her best to put up a wall between them.

Basically, Nina doesn’t have the player to play the record on - she does not have the circumstances to metaphorically let herself listen to Maggie’s music.

On the other side, Aziraphale has a record player, and has started listening to his beloved music, but Gabriel’s arrival interrupts him, just like Gabriel’s arrival creates a conflict between him and Crowley.

(The records are gay love, yeah.)

Crowley’s anger, though, forces Maggie and Nina to connect a little more - I would say something about anger not being a primary emotion, but stemming from love, but we were all here for Supernatural meta first, so it’s way redundant.

Speaking of Crowley being, um, smoking, let’s change the topic to fire/heat and light.

At the beginning, Crowley is trying to make a nebula happen, but forgets the first step i.e. “let there be light”, and Aziraphale helps him remember to do it.

Then there’s the empty box of match sticks in heaven. Out of place, because there should not be any material object in heaven. I’d say it represents a source of light and heat, but it’s empty, so it is and is not at the same time.

Conversely, Gabriel is naked and cold but then Aziraphale gets him a blanket and hot chocolate and he stops being cold. Not quite fire/light, but still warmth. So, again, heaven is coldness (but not quite in the right conditions to change, thus the match stick box being empty) and earth is warmth. (Hell is coldness too, of course, with its damp, dark spaces and ineffective neon lights.)

Then we have Crowley’s lightning and smoke, which makes the electricity (light) go off in the coffee shop, but then Crowley comes back and fixes it.

(A note: the box with the arrows pointing up - clearly representing “up up” is empty. Boxes are empty, heaven is empty, Gabriel is naked. Something something metaphor.)

Cinematographically speaking, the episode all revolves around sources of light, like the sun (I love what they did with the lighting when Gabriel gets to the bookshop). In case you missed it, in the flashback scene Crowley protects Aziraphale from being hit by the sun, which bounces off Crowley’s wing:

And then, insert something about lamps here that traumatizes Destiel people.

In fact there’s the quote on the match stick box:

[ID: partial screenshot showing the quote “Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out - Job 41:19”.]

I’m sure the exploration of this theme is just the beginning.

I guess these are the things that stood out to me during my watch. I’ll conclude this post with a final consideration: this is it! Now we’re talking - it’s a queer comedy! It sets itself absolutely as a queer comedy. It goes straight to the point. It’s no longer a comedy with a queer overtone. It’s a queer comedy. I love it. I can’t wait to watch the rest. But still one episode at a time.

[daylight-404]

☀️random dumb things the writer recently thought about and/or realised (but it’s all related to the bw anime)

(Read more because this is so long)

— I always hated Burgundy for some reason when I was younger- and my blurry ass memory made me think it was probably about her hating Cilan so much but when I actually went back to the episode she was introduced in, I remembered exactly why I hated her.

She was kinda mean to Ash’s Oshawott. That was the literal reason I hated her so much for so many years. I apologise Burgundy, my dumb child brain just really liked that Oshawott.

— Georgia’s occupation really confused me and honestly still does. You’re telling me that you’ve made it your LIFE GOAL to chase down and defeat just Dragon-type trainers so much so that you literally call yourself ‘the Dragon Buster’? What the fuck happened to you. Did Dragon-types kill your grandma

The only positive I can genuinely give her is that she was understanding to Bianca confusing her with a Zorua multiple times, which seems like a low bar but anything can be somewhat redeeming for them. Plus she’s still around the same age as Ash and Iris, so it’s not like it’s really that bad. There’s definitely been worse.

— Bianca… confused me. Even now I’m still a little confused but I will never understand why they kept Bianca a rival character but still made Cheren into his b2w2 counterpart. I guess Trip was just sort of a stand-in for rival Cheren? But that still doesn’t really explain the exact timeline for the actual show. It’s mid-b2w2 based on the actual events after Cheren was introduced (and never seen again) as N is introduced the episode after— but it’s also not because the gym leaders that stepped down by b2w2 are still running their gyms, if not obvious by Lenora and Brycen— then by Cilan, Cress and Chili. They don’t even step down at the end of the bw anime— it’s just that Cilan goes on his own journey and bumps into Ash a few times afterwards. What time are we in??

— Burgh’s gym is ENTIRELY different in the anime. Not even just to the point where it’s simply that there’s no challenge— the LAYOUT ITSELF is different. No honey walls. No web stuff.. it’s just a big terrarium. Like, his gym wasn’t the only one that changed when brought into the anime but I don’t think any changed nearly as drastically.

— Lenora. Beautiful, stunning, no notes.

— I, for a long while, thought Elesa and Cynthia were the same character. Younger me saw two tall blonde women and thought ‘yeah. they’re the same.’ To the point that I thought moments from when Cynthia showed up in the bw anime were part of Elesa’s episode.

— Skyla, first cannons in the gameplay of your gym and then making decisions on whether a challenger would beat you based on their Pokémon’s weaknesses isn’t that bad.. but outright denial of their badge based on that? what did they do to you girl,,,

— I comically do not remember any of the scenes with Clay, Brycen or Marlon. I don’t know why— maybe those episodes are on the disc I currently can’t find?? I also don’t remember any of Drayton’s battle but I do remember him in Iris’s flashbacks.

— Ingo and Emmet canonically naruto running.

— Stephan getting his name constantly mispronounced is so sad, I actually really liked him. Give my boy justice.

— Cress’s stupid posh accent in contrast to Chili and Cilan’s is so dumb. Idiot thinks he sounds cool, clearly. /lhj

— SEVERE LACK OF E4 MEMBERS!!! An exchange between Ash and Grimsley would’ve been so stupid but the entire bw series was ALREADY STUPID!

I have no other thoughts that require shouting into the abyss so just have this from when I was trying to check something on Bianca’s bulbapedia page

[kckenobi]

Kasey my beloved!! <33 🤡✨🤲✅ for the ask?

Ann my beloved!!!! Hello!!!!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Oh hmmm. The first thing I thought of was this scene from Bloodlines!

    He took one step before Anakin cut him off. “Hold up. Where exactly do you think you’re going?”

     “I already told you, Skywalker. Separatist forces—”

     “—will find you wandering the desert, lost and dehydrated and completely looney from the heat. Or dead.” Dooku’s eyes skirted upward, narrowing as he looked toward the scorching suns. “Yeah. So you’ll need me to navigate. I know this sandbox. You don’t. And besides, what happened to ‘you are my prisoners’?”

     He gave his best Dooku imitation, at which Obi-Wan chuckled quietly behind him. Anakin folded his arms across his chest, and when Dooku’s eyes met his again, they were resigned.

     “Fine. We travel together. It’s in our best interest to combine our assets,” Dooku said, then straightened. “Although I believe you’ll find that I’m the biggest asset of all.”

      “You’re half right,” Anakin said, and this time Obi-Wan laughed outright.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Eeeeek okay okay welllll I think I've gotten a lot better at structuring more complex plots? The multichapters I've worked on in the past few years have each been more complicated than the last, and it's really been cool to watch myself get good at that.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

From a multi chapter I'm (sorta) working on:

Obi-Wan doesn’t remember closing the door behind him, or turning around. He doesn’t remember anything except a rush forward and her arms around him, her cloak swallowing him, as she whispers:

“Master.”

His own voice chokes back:

“Ahsoka.”

And then he can’t see anything, because his eyes are blurring with tears, and there is nothing but this small room and the echo of shuddered breaths and two pairs of hands that are holding on, for fear of losing one another again, for fear of letting go.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Sksjsks I'm about to expose myself here. But yeah there are totally themes that appear regularly--I feel like when it comes down to it I circle a lot around a few main things. One of them is what it means to be a good person, and the difference between being good and being happy. And I write a lot about family and the unique kind of hurt that comes with loving them, and about helping people and letting them help you.

I also definitely overuse a few cliche phrases. Like, stupid stuff like "he ran a hand down his face" or whatever, idk why my characters are always doing that lol

fic asks

[denimbex1986]

'Adam (Andrew Scott) is a television screenwriter. A solitary and introverted forty-year-old, he lives in a tower block in the almost deserted suburbs of London. He falls under the spell of his neighbor Harry, a young man who seems as uprooted as he is. While he timidly begins a relationship with Harry, Adam decides to make a pilgrimage to revisit his childhood home. There he meets his parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell), as he lost them when he was only twelve years old when they died in a car accident. Adam obviously never had the opportunity to come out to this middle-class couple, benevolent but conventional…

Can we fully flourish in our adult life when we too quickly lost those with whom we were supposed to build ourselves? This existential question is at the heart of “All of us strangers”, adapted by filmmaker Andrew Haigh from a Japanese novel by Taichi Yamada. With a style of infinite delicacy, where the looks exchanged reveal themselves as meaningful as the words, "All of us strangers" draws the portrait of a man weakened by his hypersensitivity and his melancholic temperament. The entire cast is in tune to find the right tone in this almost Proustian wandering of a wounded man in search of his roots.

What attracted you to this project?

Claire Foy: everything attracted me to the project! I was looking to do something that had meaning, and this film was exactly what I was looking for. I love Andrew Haig, he's an incredible director, I love Andrew Scott, I'm very honored to be part of such a cast, and I thought the story was beautiful, important and offers the opportunity to feel deeply buried feelings... It's an honor to be part of this adventure!

In a way, “Mum” ( “Maman”, the role played by Claire Foy – editor’s note ) is a fantasy, a ghost, a memory… How did you play that?

From the start, we realized in the game that you couldn't play this role as a memory. We focused on elements like hairstyles, clothes... The setting is also a big help in defining what the memories of his parents would be, everything is very crystallized, and you see it in the costumes, everything is very tactile, the colors are very bright, and the textures are those that he remembers having touched as a child, ... And from the start, with Jamie ( Bell who plays "Dad", the Dad – editor's note ) we decided to playing for "real", it didn't bring anything to play something other than one's parents, and the more we persevered in this direction, the more it touched the public. We played it realistically without worrying about a supernatural aspect of the situation, because that's not what the film is about.

For Adam, the main character, it is difficult to tell his mother that he is homosexual, do you think that it remains difficult in the richer middle classes to have this kind of discussion?

I can't really answer for either the queer community or the British middle class... We've seen a lot of talk about " coming out " in film and television for years, and I think what Andrew Haig, the director, wanted in the film to be an honest encounter between people from different eras and generations with different opinions on male homosexuality and to confront them in this scene, while loving each other very much. and desperately wanting to be recognized by the other. This scene is extremely complex, and holds a lot of friction because of it, but at the same time, it is more real. People say things to each other that shouldn't be said and even if they say it with love, they end up hurting the family, and that goes for other contexts. I believe this is an honest and truthful portrayal of a situation where two people are talking about a topic they didn't think they would bring up that day.

A beautiful aspect of this film is the dialogues, but there are more than dialogues, there are looks, smiles, silences, ... Is it difficult to play everything that is behind the sentences, behind the dialogue?

No, I would rather not have anything more to say, to be honest, I like not talking! It's one of the things I do best, sitting and listening to other people, watching other people play... A lot of times I watch the movie, and I don't remember what I did in a scene, it's the camera that remembers, and that's why I love the camera, because I'm not responsible. I just have to concentrate on the scene, play my character and listen to others, the rest is the director's responsibility and the camera will capture it all. And when it's all put together, they create a performance that I can't control, I can only do what I do day in and day out.'

[sirsirgirl]

Looks like Sonnaught’s highly awaited dark twist is finally COMING!

How did this happen? Allow me to provide some context...

On chapter 635, Latil promised Sonnaught to make him an official concubine after she had given birth. Looking upon his vow ceremony with much expectation and hope, he immediately ordered a custom-made attire for the occasion. Unfortunately, on chapter 668, Latil asked him to delay his entrance to the harem for a few months as she was facing many political and personal issues and it just didn’t look like an appropriate time to bring a new lover, not to mention how badly it could look in the eyes of the ministers. Of course, Sonnaught was heartbroken and frustrated. However, shortly after that, his feelings for Latil were lost as a result of him killing a Hollow Angel (a dark creature that takes the love out of the person who kills it once it dies).

A lot has happened ever since: Latil’s failed attempt to bring his love back, questions about what made him fall in love with Latil in the first place, him confronting Latil for her indifference when he was in loved with her, etc. Despite his initial reluctance to show any interest, Sonnaught slowly began to show signs of attraction towards Latil. Remember the attire? Well. He even told his butler not throw it away yet. Later on, when she was in shock for Hyacinth’s unexpected support towards Aini, he awkwardly tried to console her by bringing up the topic of his not-yet-thrown vow ceremony clothes. Latil didn’t pay much attention to it and replied with a a very modest and impersonal 'I see'.

Recently, in chapter 701, Sonnaught and Latil slept together for the first time. Everything started with him touching her hair and she specifically asking him not to “give her any room” if he didn’t want to become a concubine, because she still hadn’t made up her mind and felt something when he did that. He then asked her if he could kiss her and so it went. After they had finished (chapter 702), he took her to see his attire and they both pretended to be exchanging vows. Latil thought that a vow ceremony for just the two of them was romantic, since she had never experienced that with any of her concubines. Yet, as not everything’s peachy in life, although Sonnaught swore to dedicate his body and soul to one person in his lifetime, the answer he gave to her next question was completely unexpected...

***

“Does Sir Sonnaught swear to become Emperor Latrasil’s concubine and belong to her forever?”

(...)

Latil looked up at Sonnaught’s lips with her eyes gleaming. As soon as he says 'yes', I should pull him up and kiss him.

“No.”

Latil’s smile vanished immediately at Sonnaught’s answer. Latil’s hand held by Sonnaught was slowly put down. The lively and warm atmosphere between the two of them disappeared in an instant.

***

The next scene showed Sonnaught burying his attire in his backyard. The one who found him was his butler.

My personal take on this

Disclaimer: what Sonnaught did is INEXCUSABLE 🚩🚩🚩. Latil specifically asked him not to give her any room if he didn’t want to be his concubine and he did exactly the opposite, so no matter what wicked reason he uses to explain his toxic behavior, I’m not gonna listen and I’m never going to defend him.

I’ve always thought Sonnaught’s personality would eventually have a dark twist in the story. Although he isn’t the one who’s suffered the most (that’s Girgol), he seemed someone who’d get carried away by his own frustrations (he sure has accumulated quite a few). To me, not only did it feel like a natural fictional turn for his character, but it also made sense with his personality and love language. Let me explain myself further...

In my opinion, love isn’t only about love itself. When you love someone, the way you fall in love, the timing and the intensity of your love matter. What I mean with this is that if the other person doesn’t experience love in a way that resembles yours at least a little, then it’ll be hard (not saying impossible) for one of you, if not both, not to get flustered or resentful along the way. At the end of the day, it’s true we all love being in love, but we all also love to feel loved. And so, I believe that, to a certain extent, this was what caused Sonnaught’s internal conflict.

From what we know, Latil’s been Sonnaught’s first and only love for a long time. In contrast, Latil’s first love was Hyacinth, a man that she loved passionately and unconditionally for almost 6 years. Contrary to him, who spent many years devoting his love and attention to only her, Latil got to experience what was like to be in an actual relationship with other people (Hyacinth and her consorts). Let’s also not forget that she only realized her feelings for him when she found out about his false engagement with Agasha. Moreover, her fixation in him was at its peak when she thought he had lost his interest in her. This is something he has noticed too, judging by how he confronted her in chapter 681. So, can we call love to a feeling that mostly arises when we think we’re losing someone? To be precise, can people who fall in love intensely feel satisfy when someone only pays attention to them at the time when they’re about to lose them? I don’t think so.

What about their personalities? Are they really compatible? Latil’s intrepid and impulsive personality clashes constantly with Sonnaught’s overprotectiveness. As Tasir once told Carlein, Latil is the emperor of a nation, she isn’t a kid who needs to be taken care of all the time. And we know how conflicted Sonnaught feels about this. Look, I’m not trying to imply that he’s a bad person for wanting to protect her, but is that really what she needs now? As I said before, one of the reasons she has great chemistry with characters like Tasir and Count Lanster is the fact that they play the role of a partner in crime more than the one of a savior, and that’s probably why she depends so much on them and not so much on Sonnaught, even though he’s her knight.

With all of these things in mind, Sonnaught’s frustrations would naturally keep growing and growing as the story expanded. The chairman’s words to him also increased my suspicions on his character having a sinister side. Furthermore, his confrontation with Latil in chapter 681 made clear that he blames her for his past pain and struggles, something that he found hard to admit when he had feelings for her, which by no means should be interpret as if the resentment towards her never existed.

Although his recent actions should have, in my opinion, ruined his chances to ever become the ML of this story (if there’s ever one), I can’t deny his possibilities of being the second father. Objectively speaking, his chances are there. However, as I mentioned in a recent post, it’d be too coincidental if Latil gets pregnant the first time she sleeps with someone after she had given birth (again, I’m not saying this is impossible, I just find it a little bit forced). Of course, I’m aware of the potential drama that an illegitimate child could bring to the novel, so it’s definitely a matter of consideration. And btw, I still don’t believe that him being the second father would guarantee him a happy ending with Latil at all, specially after the recent chapters.

Anyways, we shall see.

[dendrite-blues]

For a relatively short exchange, this scene is jam packed with characterization for Loki. 

It’s also our first reliable look into what Loki was like before Thor 1. Not as described by others, but first hand and from his own mouth. I think that deserves a closer look, to see what we can learn about Loki and how he thinks.

This scene is significant because it tells us what Loki’s personality is like when he’s not running for his life. It tells us who he was before his trauma and what his core beliefs are underneath those layers of humor and bravado.

Better yet, since he’s alone we can assume that every line in this scene is presumably true, or at least Loki believes it to be true since he has no audience but himself. 

The dialogue centers mostly around the statement “You deserve to be alone, and you always will be.” I’m not going to focus too much on the “alone” motif since I already dedicated an entire meta post to it.

What I think is more interesting about this scene is actually the looping, and the stages Loki goes through in trying to deal with it. There’s a lot of really interesting character traits on display in that progression.

Loop 1: A Warm Bath and Glass of Wine

The first loop entails Sif lecturing Loki about cutting her hair, kicking him in the balls, and storming away. Loki kneels on the floor and he gives us this great line:

“A bad memory prison? How quaint. Some punishment. I remember exactly what I did after that. I went and had a nice, hot bath and a glass of wine, and I never thought about it again. Because it was just a bit of fun.”

So we can take this to be Loki’s default reaction to pain and criticism. When put into an unexpected conflict without any forethought or outside influence, this is what he says/does.

1) Downplay the damage/threat. How quaint. 2) Dispel/soothe the emotion. Nice hot bath. 3) Minimize the impact. Never thought about it again. 4) Deflect responsibility. Just a bit of fun.

Keep those in mind as we move forward, since we’ll be using them to make sense of what else Loki says in this scene.

Loops 2 and 3: Okay, Sif, Hang On

This bit is about Loki realizing just how bad his predicament is.

L: Okay. Okay, Sif. Hang on. S: No, you hear this. You deserve to be alone... And I always will be. L: Alright, I get it. Listen. You are a reconstruction of a past event created by the organization that controls all of time. So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah? S: Pathetic. (she kicks him again) L: (winces and groans)

As we all would expect from him, Loki’s first impulse is to try and talk his way out of it. What he says to achieve that goal is pretty revealing though. Because he doesn’t try to ease Sif’s upset by apologizing or explaining or offering to magic her hair back. 

Any of these would have been more likely to save his nads in the given circumstance, right? The present threat is Sif, and she’s mad about what Loki did to her hair. But Loki doesn’t really see that. Rather, he treats her as a means to an end.

“So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah?”

To me, that choice reveals something of a blind spot Loki has to the feelings of others. Even if he doesn’t actively like hurting people, he does prioritize their problems below his, and quite shamelessly. And at least on his first impulse, he doesn’t seem to feel much remorse or empathy for them.

Usually in fanon we attribute this callousness to his trauma. He’s learned that no one can be trusted and no one cares, and so he doesn’t allow himself to care for others. 

But between his Loop 1 sentiment of “It was just a bit of fun” for an event which caused real hurt to Sif, and his Loop 2/3 behavior of “you, stop being mad and help ME” I think it’s reasonable to say that selfishness/low empathy are traits Loki possessed pre-trauma.

Loop 4-????: Happens Off Screen

It’s unclear how many times Loki loops while the camera is following Mobius, but the implication is clear that it was been many, many repetitions. Somewhere in this his denial and deflection must break, because we come back to a much humbler, more pleading Loki.

The Final Loop: I Crave Attention

S: You conniving, craven... L: Sif. Sif. S: ...pathetic worm. L: Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.

HOOO BOY, so this is quite a tough bit to analyze. There’s a lot of interpretations you could make, and a lot of topics to delve into. For the sake of focus, I’m going to ignore the narcissism question. That one really needs an entire post, and I want to focus on something else here.

That being, Loki’s way of processing conflict/punishment.

I’ve always found it strange how Loki takes such pride in being called a liar and cheat when he simultaneously has this chip on his shoulder about how nobody likes him. 

Those two traits don’t seem to play well together, and I always scratched my head over how they coexist in his character. If he wants people to be nicer to him, maybe he should stop antagonizing them? Yeah?

Well, here we’re finally given a clear reason. Loki craves attention, he hates being alone. So how does he avoid it? Pranks and mischief. 

Fair enough.

But then, if all his pranks lead to this outcome--outrage, retaliation, insult--why doesn’t he ever learn? How is it that after 1000 years of this behavior, he hasn’t found a better way to get the attention he craves? 

Loop 1: Downplay, dispel, minimize, deflect. He accepts zero accountability for the impact of his actions, and doesn’t think at all about how they affect other people. Just a bit of fun. I had a hot bath and a glass of wine, and never thought about it again. 

The only reason he reaches the level of self awareness on display in the Final Loop is because the looping forces him to contemplate his actions and the impulses within him that lead to that behavior.

This is projection on my part, but to me he acts as though this kind of deep reflection is a new thing for him. He sounds like someone sharing a revelation that he’s just had about himself. We’re being shown that Loki is a man of action. He will always move forward if he can, possibly because looking back to so painful that he can’t bring himself to do it.

Circling back around to the pride Loki has for his knavery, let’s suppose that he’s been on this negative reinforcement cycle since childhood. He’s always acted out to get attention, then received retaliation and insults for it, and then pushed the bad feelings out of his mind with creature comforts and mental gymnastics.

What happens over time, when you’re being constantly told that you’re a pain in the ass and no one likes you? Most of us would take it to heart, but Loki doesn’t. He has a big ego, big enough to resist that constant barrage of hate coming at him.

So how does he marry these two conflicting realities? 

He turns it into an identity, the God of Mischief. 

In his head, Loki excuses himself of blame by shifting the culpability to his moniker. It’s not that he’s immature and petty, he’s just a “trickster.” It’s in his nature to cause trouble, so he can’t help it. You wouldn’t dangle a steak in front of a tiger and blame the tiger for striking, would you? And if other people can’t take a “joke” then that’s not his fault, that’s on them for not having a sense of humor. It was just a bit of fun.

Here we see the union of these two halves of Loki, the lonely ice runt and the mischievous scamp. (And a little bit of the original Loki who Thor accused of being incapable of growth!) 

By refusing to think about others, and excusing himself from responsibility, Loki successfully preserves his self worth and insulates himself to most of the negative emotions he experiences.

Pain, embarrassment, and grief aren’t pointless emotions though. They are vital feelings that serve to regulate our behavior, and that push us to conform to the ways of our social circles. Without them, we annoy and upset others. Be annoying for long enough and you will eventually find yourself, well, alone. As Loki is.

Thus “Mischief” is a self-defeating loop, and Loki is just as caught in it as the cell Mobius trapped him in.

In order to be free of both traps, Loki has to stop running. He has to take a deeper look at himself and realize how much he is getting in his own way. The entire scene is one big parallel between these two “loops.” Pretty neat, huh?

Sadly these kinds of thought loops are really difficult to break, they’re buried so deeply in our personalities and habits that we usually don’t notice them until life forces us to address them.

The cell is Loki’s wake up call, and thankfully he does seem to rise to the occasion. He tells Sif quite clearly what his problem is, and he does it with beautiful, painful honesty.

Which is why it’s so fucking awesome for Mobius to acknowledge that, and to finally give Loki a taste of positive attention. 

You don’t deserve to be alone. I believe you can be anything, even something good. Whatever you two did, it was powerful enough to bring this whole place down.

It’s a beautiful scene. Well written, meticulously acted. The clarity of vision in the pacing and shot selection, it’s really something special.

[lovelycleon]

So I decided to make an analysis about the last scene of Infinite Darkness

But before I start with the fun part, I just want to tell you that my history with “angst ships”

I had a bad experience with another ship, soul mates full of angst tropes and true love, beautiful... and a really bad ending because the showrunner fought with the actors (I wasted years watching and I regret it).

Anyway, after suffering that kind of pain, no other ships and angst scenes can hit me hard enough. I'm numb or just got used to it. You choose.

So maybe the scene of Leon and Claire's argument wasn't that impactful for me because of that. But for all the fans who felt hurt, I understand and it's okay to feel that way, because the scene was meant to hurt. The scene exists because of that. And your feelings are valid.

So let's get to the fun part.

spoiler alert, it's not that fun, it actually hurts 😅

The scene starts with Leon going to meet Claire at the gates of the White House.

I don't think anyone denies the fact that, whatever Leon is doing, he just wants to protect Claire. And he doesn't want her involved because of it.

But this dialogue makes this even more evident if we analyze how it begins.

Nothing in a show or movie is by accident. Everything is handpicked for one reason or another. The meaning is not always that deep, but there is still a meaning behind it all.

So when – of all the ways a conversation can be started – they decide to make Claire joke that she sneaked out of the hospital, Leon takes it seriously and she has to clarify that it's a joke, there's a reason:

Show that Leon is taking what happened to her too serious, and Claire not that much.

When Claire makes a comment about when he's going to stop treating her like a kid and he says probably never. There's a reason:

Show that Leon wants to protect her (or being overprotective) and Claire doesn't like it.

Of course, some might argue that this specific line is capcom trying to show that their feelings aren't romantic and sink the ship completely. And, ok, people are free to think that.

But if they really wanted to sink cleon forever, they shouldn't have done the scene of Leon saving Claire the way they did. They did it because they knew it would tease a certain part of the fans... They knew exactly what they were doing...

And there's simply no reason to tease a ship you want to sink.

So no, I don't think that's it...

For me the scene means the classic and simple: "stop being worried about me🙄" "noooo🗣️"

Another way to intensify Leon being overprotective is Claire's broken arm. A reminder that she was injured following his plan. Just as she was hurt the last time they saw each other in Harvardville.

And yes, I know Degeneration made Claire hurt to take her out of the action. It is undeniable. But somehow I don't think the same situation and reason applies to Infinite darkness.

Because Claire was already out of combat, following Leon's plan and showing no intention of doing anything different. It's not like she's going to attack the monster that is several platforms higher than where she is. She couldn't fly around and there were no guns where she was anyway.

So why hurt her to get her out of combat if the story itself has already done that?

Again, you are free to think differently. Capcom made Claire dirty, she was underestimated and they wasted her potential. I won't argue with that, I'm also on the team Claire deserves better.

I just don't think it fits this specific situation.

The injured arm is there and a awkward conversation about Leon being overprotective starts because of it. I think it makes sense.

So moving on.

Claire mentions the chip and Leon looks disappointed for a moment and says he thought they were going to dinner.

This is to indicate that he didn't come to see her with the intention of breaking their friendship. Leon just wanted to spend a good time with her and nothing more. Some place a little more normal, maybe?👀

But Claire wants the chip and tells Leon her plan. The same plan that Shen May was killed trying to convince her partner to follow. Is there a parallel here?

The only difference is that Jason broke her neck while Leon decided to break Claire's heart.

Okay now I could show more parallels between them, but I won't because this is already too long and I know maybe I'm reading too much into this. Resident Evil isn't that deep most of the time 😂

Anyway, Claire asked for the chip and Leon said no.

And that's the point, right.

The climax of the conversation and the turning point in their relationship.

Note that Leon took a few seconds to say he couldn't. That was the moment when he made his decision...

He went to meet her for dinner, remember? He didn't expect to have this conversation or make a decision like that. But he had to.

Now, I'm not from the US and I don't trust politicians in general, fiction or not. But I admit this sounds realistic.

Just imagine if the president makes a speech about peace and prosperity and whatever and the next day the media reveals that members of the government are involved in BOW and planning an attack on another country.

At the very least, it won't look good.

In the worst case, it will be a catastrophe 😂

So... I don't agree with Leon, but I understand why he chose this.

It's an important decision, however. And how long it takes him to say something and how he's quiet after saying it shows he knows what's on the line. Not just the security of the country and “peace”, but also his relationship with Claire.

And despite everything... He didn't lie to her.

It would be much easier for Leon to simply say "the chip was destroyed in the fight" when she asked. Claire would never know about it and probably never doubt him. And they would still be fine with each other and having dinner.

But he didn't lie. Why?

Because their relationship is not based on lies. And it's not based on betrayals.

And while it may be hard to believe right now and it hurts to think about it, this relationship is still based on truth and trust in each other. And now their relationship is being tested.

It's easy to trust someone you're on good terms. How hard it must be to trust someone who has let you down.

There is a lot of room for development here.

Obviously Claire felt hurt in this moment. Maybe even betrayed. Heartbroken. I think we all feel that same way.

But Leon played fair there. He said he had the chip, showed it to her, and then said he wouldn't give it to her.

He was honest with her. And this act also shows respect.

They are two people with different points of view and that truth hurts.

There is silence as they look at each other. She never asked his reasons and he obviously never told them. The exchange of glances is enough for them to understand what was happening.

When Claire says “you do things your way and I do mine” it's almost like “do you know what that means? ”

Then Leon nods and another moment of silence. The time they need to accept that the relationship is broken.

Now that's angst

Interesting choice of camera angle. Showing her broken arm as a visual reminder of why he was pushing her away like that.

Claire leaves, but looks back and says again that his outfit doesn't suit him.

What's interesting here is that the director has done a few interviews over the past few weeks and he always said that the suit is a representation of Leon's position in government.

Claire commenting that it doesn't suit him is basically the writers/producers/directors admitting that this position doesn't look good.

And while all the characters praising Leon for his success, Claire is the one who sees this reality and who he truly is out of the suit (position)

And that's good angst.

Claire walks away and Leon with a sad look watching her leave and he has to say to himself "I will stop this".

Could it be just one of his one-lines? Yes.

Could it be a way for him to remind himself why he's doing this, even if it means sacrificing his relationship with Claire?

It's already done, now he has to make it worth it.

Whatever happens after that is a mystery.

I don't think Claire believes that Leon is going to cover up the government's involvement in things (their discussion would be much more intense if that were the case), she probably thinks he's going to resolve it internally without taking anything public, which is precisely what she wants to do.

I also don't think Leon believes Claire is going to give up on the investigation, he probably thinks it's going to take some time to her to get real evidence and he has time to carry out his plans.

But this is capcom... They are masters of forgetting plot points. So who knows.

Angst is only good if it has a good closure. I hope they keep that in mind.

In any other tv show that used this kind of angst trope and drama I would be completely fine...

I would expect a sequel to this plot. The characters find each other unexpectedly, having to work together and acting awkwardly because they don't know how to stick around each other after the argument. Then the story would develop and they would gradually mend their relationship.

That's the trope.

So that's all I can hope for.

[linnoya-writes]

“The Headband”: How Performance and a Clash of Dynamics Undermines a Ship.

A lot of people talk about the famous dance scene in “The Headband” as a big, romantic, pivotal moment for KA, but let me tell you why I disagree.

(Not sure why this post is getting tagged as anti-Zutara, as I don’t mention Zuko at all...? Anyway, this content might make Kat*angers Kat*angry.  Proceed with caution):

1) The iconic dance scene was, at its very core, a performance.  

What does this mean, exactly?

Well, this wasn’t an unscripted, unrehearsed private moment between the characters we’ve known since the beginning of the show.  This wasn’t Aang nervously asking Katara to get out of her comfort zone with him for some “alone time” and express their feelings to each other.  This dance was an opportunity to let go of their inhibitions out in the open.  This was “Kuzon Fire” whispering something into an older girl’s ear, them promptly bowing and proceeding to perform some dance moves together.

Based on the formality of these moves, they weren’t decided at the drop of a hat.  They looked like parts of a routine Katara and Aang had been working on previously-unseen occasions (perhaps during Aang’s training?), and it was Aang’s idea to get Katara to have fun and perform with him as “Kuzon Fire” in front of Fire Nation kids in a secret cave.  From Katara’s hesitancy, it’s clear that she isn’t one for impromptu dancing, but Aang persistently encourages fun by whispering in her ear to perform bending moves she already knows (moves she probably taught him).  It’s a routine that puts Katara in her comfort zone, and while she begins to have fun just doing that, the routine turns into an official performance as the crowd begins to admire them as a pair.

We as viewers know this more than just a “dance routine” for Aang.  We as viewers know Aang wants to find any excuse to hold Katara’s hand.  And he does this in the guise of “Kuzon Fire,” because for some reason this disguise and all of this attention he’s getting from the kids gives him the confidence to be that vulnerable in front of his crush.  To have Aang just be his sweet, awkward, lovestruck self to Katara just isn’t enough, but in a healthy relationship, it should be.  

True, this dance was a great reason for Aang to remind Katara to still be a kid (remember the penguin sledding he encouraged in Season 1, ep 1? This is a total step up!).  It reminded us that the characters we know and love know how to have fun together and can play off of each other in any given situation.

True, it showed how sweet KA looked to a crowd, and to us as viewers.  To even quote Sokka from earlier in the episode, the dance showed how “they look pretty good together.”

The problem here was that this dance didn’t address Katara and Aang’s actual dynamic... how they truly act towards each other when the “curtain falls”, when all eyes turn away, when their rehearsed routine is over and there’s no adrenaline rush to haze their actual selves.

Because it’s a performance, “The Headband” episode encourages a completely different kind of one-on-one interaction from what we’ve always seen between Katara and Aang whenever they have moments of privacy.  Just compare the dance to the awkward exchange they have in private during the “Cave of Two Lovers” that ultimately leads to nothing in terms of their relationship progress.

...or the sad farewell exchange they have during “The Invasion” (just a few more episodes after “The Headband”) that ends with a desperate, one-sided kiss.

...or when they finally try to talk about their feelings during the “Ember Island Players” which ends in another desperate, very much one-sided kiss.

(Small note on the EIP moment-- Notice how in that scene, Aang is upset about a performance, specifically how it’s not syncing perfectly with what he wants to believe is happening in real life.  Hmm.)

The dance shows that Katara and Aang can naturally be good team together when the situation calls for it - be it for a performance, or a dangerous task/obstacle/sea monster - but when the pressure is off, and no dangers are abound... when it’s just the two of them, standing face to face... things look quite different.

What you have is a young idealistic kid who, up until a year ago, never had to deal with horrors bigger than cleaning his own room, and a traumatized teenaged girl who grew up in a war-torn village, delivering babies by the time she was Aang’s age.  

Their differences in maturity and world views ultimately limit the deep level of understanding they can actually have as people.

...which brings me to my second point:

2) The dynamic between Katara and Aang in “The Headband” was... weird.

Seriously.  It was characteristically a hot mess.

On one hand, you have Katara completely fine dressing up as Aang’s very-pregnant, very-doting mother to get him out of detention.  On the other hand, you have Katara being girlishly shy and upset from the attention Aang is getting from random girls (something that echoed her sentiments from way back in Season 1 ep 4 “Warriors of Kyoshi” but haven’t seemed to amount to anything.)

We see Katara’s inherently-mature self suddenly get eclipsed by her girlish  feelings for the kid she is always nurturing.  A kid who is very much still a kid.

How much of a kid is he, you ask?

Well... when Katara dances with Aang, they dance with the same synchronization and sweet energy of an “it” couple at Prom.  The issue here is... even if Aang was technically thirteen, in this scene, he is “Kuzon Fire”... elementary-school kid who makes FL Ozai portraits out of noodles and happily shows them to his fake-parents as refrigerator-worthy.

So, at least in this episode, Aang is actually twelve going on seven.  

He’s a kid, and kids don’t go to Prom.  They go to highly-chaperoned elementary-school mixers.  

In the crowd’s eyes, sparks are flying between Katara and Aang as they dance, they have this unspoken chemistry, and their final pose inspires romance.  Great!  In my mind, I’m thinking “aw, so this is like the mature eighth-grader showing deep feelings for the fun-loving sixth-grader, age gap be damned... and they’re too shy to kiss.  It’s not Prom or Elementary School mixer.  It’s typical middle-school cuteness.”  Cool.

However...

After the whole cave dance scene is over, and they escape from the Fire Nation school principal, Katara tells Sokka that they’re safe and he can take off the mustache now.

...and that’s when it hit me.

Sokka was dressed as a chaperone, and acted like a chaperone for this dance.

Never was it implied that Katara wouldn’t be a chaperone for this dance, and it made the whole scene be as if Aang really was the only “kid”.   Sure, her pregnant belly is gone.  But in one scene, she’s water-bending Fire Nation punch for the dance.  I’m not saying she’s supposed to be that adult we always see in school dances that’s on “punch duty,” but neither she nor Toph nor Sokka joined in with the dance party on their own.  

It made me believe they were all supposed to watch the party like formal adult chaperones, keeping watch to make sure no FN authorities showed up.

But...

Aang extends a hand out to Katara, and the adult/kid dynamic they have (both in that cave scene and in real life) is supposed to magically change gracefully into two middle-schoolers with a crush.

For me, it was like looking at a typical “middle-school dance” scene, and witnessing the charming, golden-boy new kid walk across the gymnasium floor to extend a hand to the pretty but very-much-adult teacher who’s chaperoning the dance.  And she takes it.  No gasps, no gossip.  Everyone just goes with it, like it’s not a big deal.

If you look at it like that, it’s really hard to not see it as weird.

And then... an “ATLA writer’s room” thought occurred to me:

Sokka keeps his beard after that one gag with the FN principal, sure, but perhaps Katara’s pregnant belly disappeared was to make it less “weird” of a dynamic when KA would actually dance.  It would make a cute moment between them more valid, pretending that Katara’s motherly nature wasn’t inherently part of her character, that Aang could be seen more grown-up in their relationship.  It would add to the potential of a KA ending.  Right?

Except... 

Their whole mother/son dynamic returns the moment the cave scene ends!

Katara returns to her motherly ways, tells Sokka to quit pretending with a fake mustache, and Toph even encourages maturity in Aang by complimenting him about the deep foresight in teaching FN kids about freedom.  And how does Aang respond?  Not “yeah! that was my plan all along” but rather... “haha, I dunno I just wanted to dance.”

And so Aang remains the oblivious, innocent fun kid... and Katara continues to be his doting mom, affectionately kissing him on the cheek as usual, as if to thank her son for reminding her adult self to have fun once in a while.

For me, it made the romantic subtext of that entire dance scene completely fall through.

If one of the goals in "The Headband” was to show a progressive romantic development between KA, wouldn’t the writers want Katara to see Aang as more age-appropriate for her?

Knowing that Katara is light-years more mature than the average teenager, much less kid, she wouldn’t want to see Aang as a kid she constantly needs to take care of, either in real life or in pretend scenarios.

If Katara did have a crush on Aang by the point of “The Headband,” the idea of playing his mom (especially a pregnant mom) would come off as awkward and strange.  

It would’ve been more credible to have Toph jump in and play Kuzon’s mom in that principal’s office, to have Toph play the tough-love disciplinarian to Aang along with Sokka, and have Toph enjoy pretending to be married to her crush.

Look.  All I’m saying is... imagine what the FN Principal must’ve thought if he had walked in on Kuzon Fire dipping someone who looks a lot like his mom Sapphire minus-pregnant-belly down on the dance floor like that.

Ew.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

[todrokishoto]

fluff ft. bakugou, deku and todoroki

character(s): katsuki bakugou, izuku midoriya, shouto todoroki

warning(s): i don’t think there are any? it’s just pure fluff. mentions of eating/food, though.

summary: just some fluff with the three musketeers. 

a/n: found inspo from this prompt list so,,, enjoy! also, come talk to me about the first episode of season 5!!!

B A K U G O U 

a pair of crimson eyes are staring at you when you reluctantly open your own. it takes a moment for you to adjust to the harsh rays of light fighting their way through the blinds. once you do though, you feel your brows furrow as you meet the gaze of your boyfriend. you offer a sheepish smile at his unamused face, seeing straight through him immediately. 

“good morning to you, too, grump.”

his lips tighten as he studies your face. ignoring his scrutinizing gaze, you sit up, despite the protests from your body. you roll your neck, a sigh of relief escaping you as the tension eases. sensing your boyfriend’s urge to say something, you turn your head to look at him. 

“no breakfast? i thought sundays were eat-breakfast-in-bed kind of days?” you’re teasing, naturally, but your words still spark something in your hot-headed partner. 

he grunts. “i would’ve had breakfast ready but you were sleeping on my arm and i didn’t want to wake you.” 

your heart swells as he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly finding the duvet covers very interesting. you push away the urge to continue your teasing, fully-aware of how easily it could turn into an argument if he isn’t in the mood. you smile at him when he meets your eyes again. 

“your arm’s asleep, isn’t it?” you muse, noticing how he’s rubbing it with his other arm. 

“yeah, no shit. because you slept on it for eight shitty hours.”

“how about i make breakfast today then?” 

you throw the covers aside, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. when your feet are planted on the ground, you go to stand up but a hand wraps around your waist before you can do so. he pulls you back down effortlessly and you squeal, colliding with his bare chest. 

“or we could order food and just stay in bed until it gets here,” katsuki suggests, his lips brushing against the exposed skin of your shoulder.  

M I D O R I Y A 

“it’s so pretty,” you gush, your eyes fixated on the view in front of you.

the wind takes ahold of your hair, playing with it briefly before moving on. you wrap it back behind your ear mindlessly, still mesmerized by the scene unfolding before your eyes. the ocean sparkles underneath the remaining sunlight, reflecting the most perfect color palette from the sky above. 

pinks, yellows, oranges, and blues mixed together so perfectly you can’t bring yourself to tear your gaze away. it had to have been one of the prettiest sunsets you had ever seen. you lean forward, analyzing every detail, feeling the railing press against your waist in the process. 

there is no reply from your boyfriend and you turn in his direction. his wide, green eyes are already looking at you when you do so and you feel your heart speed up immediately. there’s a look within them that cannot be described as anything other than pure adoration. 

“i love you,” your freckled partner blurts, a rosy color tinting his cheeks. 

“i love you, too,” you respond, not even bothering to hide your wide grin. “i-is there something on my face though? you’re kind of—”

he shakes his head almost furiously, his wild green locks bouncing all over the place. you watch with amusement, the wings of the butterflies moving just as crazily as your boyfriend’s hair. he grabs your hand in his own and it still surprises you how perfectly your hands fit together, fingers intertwining immediately. 

“i-it’s just... i remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror,” he pauses, his green orbs meeting yours again. “and now you’re my girlfriend and i just— feels kind of surreal, y’know?” 

you nod, understanding his feelings exactly. “well, i’m glad you mustered up the courage to move on from the mirror. i can’t imagine my life without you, zuku.” 

T O D O R O K I

the two of you are lying on his bed, limbs intertwined, noses almost touching. no words are being exchanged, just the sounds of your breathing filling the silence engulfing the room. yet, there is not an ounce of awkwardness. you’re both at ease with each other. 

it took awhile to knock down his walls but you had been determined. during the months of your mission to get to know the quiet boy, countless questions had been asked but not nearly as many had been answered. to be quite frank, silence had been a regular occurrence and by now, neither one of you minded one bit. 

feelings had blossomed, too, which you hadn’t been able to foresee. little did you know that a mission to bring your classmate out of his shell would result in a relationship, but you didn’t mind that one bit either. the two-toned boy had confessed his feelings before you could, blunt as ever. 

being with shouto is refreshing. you don’t have to go out on a limb and try to read his mind; he is very willing to share his thoughts if the right questions are asked. sometimes, even without being prompted to do so. he brings a whole new level of excitement into your life that you had no idea you needed until you met him. 

“i want to marry you.”

and, just like that, the silence was broken. his words take you by surprise. while him sharing his thoughts happen regularly, you still haven’t gotten used to just how blunt (and sometimes a little oblivious) he could be. 

his words echo in your mind, every gear churning to process them. the two of you have been classmates for almost three years already, but have been together less than six months. there is no denying that you are completely and utterly in love with him, but this conversation had yet to be brought up. until now, it seems. 

“not now, obviously,” he explains, his bicolored eyes studying you closely, obviously noticing your distress. he knows you better than anyone. “but sometime in the future. i cannot picture a future without you in it, y/n.” 

your cheeks hurt from smiling, your heart thumping against your rib cage like a galloping horse. your boyfriend remains - seemingly, anyway - unfazed, merely continuing his staring. you can tell he doesn’t expect a response. 

“i want to marry you sometime in the future, too, shouto.” 

your words come with ease because you mean them with your whole being. if he isn’t in your future then you don’t want it. you had decided as much during your first conversation. 

he smiles. then, he closes the barely-there gap between your faces, his lips meeting yours. he’s so gentle you can barely feel it, so you grab a handful of his shirt, pulling him even closer. he doesn’t object, his smile only widening against your lips. 

[irondad-creator-awards]

Winner Spotlight - broskepol

Today we’re talking to the wonderful @broskepol​ who so kindly agreed to answer our questions.

How did you get into Irondad? Ehh, I guess it was soon after the Infinity War was released in theaters. Well, actually I wasn't much into MCU when Infinity War came out, so I gladly caught all the spoilers, and that's when I heard that there is some really touching yet heartbreaking scene where Spider-Man turns into ash and Tony Stark's holding him at that moment. I thought like, ‘Hey does this mean marvel actually do try to make their viewers feel something for their characters?’ (lol I thought these were just meaningless blockbusters) (well actually they still are just meaningless blockbusters, but one of the best of their kind, you know) 'cuz that sounded like some really sincere thing in the plot. Later I decided to actually watch Infinity War myself (just for fun lol) and man I didn't expect to feel kinda sad at the end. I mean, as soon as the end credits started I thought ‘Damn, I wish I knew these characters better so I could actually feel something for losing them". And that's when I binge-watched the entire MCU for the first time and fell in love with these characters. Then suddenly came the toughest part - to wait till the Endgame release, because unlike Infinity War, I was ready and absolutely hyped up for it. And since the Irondad scene at the end of Infinity War was actually one of the most heartbreaking in the entire movie, I was so excited to wait and see how these two would reunite in Endgame. So, seeing them hug eventually was really heartwarming and satisfying (let's ignore what happened next, lol), so then I felt how many soft feelings I have for these two and how much I need them to be like father and son.

 What’s your favorite Irondad scene? Would it be too obvious to say that the scene of them reuniting in Endgame is my favourite? But why the hell not? I absolutely love it.

 When did you start drawing, and what inspired you to become an artist? I've been drawing for my entire life, literally. I cannot remember myself without this passion, it's something that's always been with me, so there wasn't really something special that "inspired" me to become an artist - it feels like I was simply born with the thought of becoming one in the future.

 What do you enjoy about creating art the most? I like the chemistry between me, art, and the viewer. It goes like this - I felt something, I made a drawing based on that feeling or inspiration, and then the viewer felt the same way or even something new. I enjoy this process of emotion exchange - that's why I value the feedback so much, because I’m wondering what exactly did you feel or thought of when you saw my drawing. Also, art just makes me feel good. This is something I’m good enough at - and I’m certain about it. This fact gives me at least one reason to like myself a bit more than I do.

 Which of your artworks are your favorite and why? And can you include a link/copy? Talking about Irondad - this one is my absolute favorite...

I've spent like a couple or three nights for making this, and sadly it didn't get that much attention as I wish it did (it's classic - the more time you spend on something - the less recognition you get at the end, this is just how life works, I’m used to it). I love its emotion and overall mood - it doesn't look like something I normally draw, this one is way more dramatic, if I can say so.

What's your favorite thing to draw? Oooh, I love sketching people - the poses, the emotions, different appearances.

What inspires your art now? Kinda tough question, since I haven't drawn much for myself for almost a year... One of my inspirations now is also my guilty pleasure - Genshin Impact, which I’m not proud of, but somehow this overhyped thing just makes me feel better and I kinda wanna sketch its characters just for fun. Also, I recently started watching Arcane and oh my, this style just makes me wanna DO ART. Moreover, I’ve recently been to a little tour with my family around Europe and seen quite a lot of incredibly beautiful landscapes, that just cannot escape my mind and I wanna create something based on this experience.

How did you feel to be a winner of the Awards last year? This was unexpected, but really pleasant, since my blog has already been inactive for quite some time at that moment. It was nice to know that people still remembered me and valued my art even though I wasn't posting anymore. That was nice!

Thank you so much @broskepol for sharing your talent and time with us xxx

[elise-jupiterstyle]

this is a very cynical bomb that i’m about to drop with absolutely no context but they really did just fetishize rio to gain viewership without actually ever giving a shit about his value as a character, and i’ve gotten myself into a bit of a spiral stewing about it.

tw: my opinions again

like i didn’t want to think about my favorite show so negatively before it ended so i tried to steer clear of any posts that discussed it for the sake of my own enjoyment but after how short the finale season fell from my expectations, it’s hard not to be pissed off. because ever since they had beth shoot rio in season two i’ve been waiting for them to reconcile such a gruesome choice by developing the characters further, their relationships, their knowledge of themselves, but it just didn’t happen. beth never took accountability for the shooting, rio never took accountability for kidnapping and pressuring her, and dean never took accountability for his infidelity or faking cancer, which were the three main points of conflict that the writers should’ve focused on resolving before ever even thinking of introducing new conflicts.

i’m not saying i wanted rio to forgive beth, or that i wanted beth to forgive dean, or that i wanted any of these resolutions to happen immediately after their conflicts took place. and sure, you could say that beth’s character compartmentalizes and that beth and rio aren’t good communicators and didn’t have a strong bond of trust to begin with so it wouldn’t be in character for them to discuss what happened, but that’s where character growth is supposed to come in! you’re supposed to write characters with these flaws so that they have a better version of themselves to work towards that is slowly developed as they encounter each conflict. they’re not meant to make them into worse people until the show is entirely unbearable to watch because all of that old resentment and tension is just rotting away beneath the rug it’s been swept under.

it’s not a creative choice to have characters directly create conflict and then never address it again while they move onto the next big thing -- it’s lazy writing, and it makes it crystal clear that they were written in solely to shock the viewers and create tension between the characters, not to cultivate growth, and that is very frustrating when you have a group of characters whose inherent morality is constantly insisted upon.

what’s especially frustrating about this is that it not only means there is a lack of depth to all the characters, but there’s a lack of value to the ones that the writers did not favor. based on the season one storyline that culminated in rio shooting dean and letting beth live -- essentially getting even with her in a way that didn’t involve killing off the protagonist, even though that would’ve been the most likely course of action based on the consequences that other disposable characters suffered (i.e. eddie) -- it’s my belief that the writers didn’t expect to keep rio on the show past season one (honestly, it kind of feels like they didn’t even expect to get another season, based on how messy the storyline felt as the seasons progressed), and therefore didn’t value rio’s character the way the audience came to by season two. 

when i say the writers didn’t (and honestly, i still think they don’t -- not in the same way they value the girls, dean, stan, or even fucking boomer) value him, i mean they didn’t see him as being worth the effort of giving a character arc, a background story, personal relationships, etc. they threw in marcus at the start of season two to be like “he’s a dad! that means he has depth!” and then never really touched on it again. there was like, one other scene with marcus that i can remember, and then he, too, was sidelined until they needed to humanize rio again after he got shot. all of the other kids -- the bolands, sarah, harry, and ben -- are regularly featured because they are a driving component of the women’s motivation to survive and succeed. with rio, his kid is only used to relate him back to the women, to make him seem human for a moment, but marcus’s real value as a character lies in how he makes beth feel as she grieves rio, not how he contributes to rio’s behavior, motivation, and overall character.

and yes, i know that rio is technically a side character, that the children of the protagonists are going to have more development, but if they actually wanted to add depth to rio’s character through the facet of parenthood, they would’ve shown more than one interaction with him after he spent supposed months away from him without a word. that kid would’ve been traumatized by that, and seeing rio’s reaction to his kid mourning his disappearance would’ve provided a much more real and interesting angle than them all smiling and happy, like we’ve seen in every other scene with him and marcus. it would’ve showed that the writers care about rio’s pain, about how his absence affected those he loves, but to be blunt, they don’t. they showed beth grieving him when she shot him, but we didn’t see him recovering from that traumatic event. they didn’t even care enough about him to give him fake scars, for christ’s sake. 

everything that happened to rio throughout the show was either done to further the other women’s development or appease the viewers, and they made zero effort to hide that. they walked his characterization backwards so many times (him threatening beth’s family when it had been insinuated thus far that that was the only line he wouldn’t cross; him touching her and making suggestive advances on her in exchange for bail money when she was clearly uncomfortable; him returning all of her stuff and happily accepting her as his superior when there was no development in their relationship to suggest he’d forgiven her or would be receptive to her having power over him) and almost every single instance of them using him to promote the show exploited his outward appearance and the fact that so many viewers have fetishized him as this “exotic” bad boy without any regard for how minimizing and insulting that marketing tactic is. 

looking through their instagram, i saw no other instance of an actor’s picture being posted next to a bunch of thirsty tweets or captioned as being “another reason to watch good girls.” it’s fetishization disguised as playful, well-intentioned endorsement, but if they were really referring to rio’s character rather than his appearance as a reason to watch the show, we wouldn’t be seeing his face on nearly every episode promo and highlight with him only occupying about five minutes of screen time every 50-minute episode.

there’s not really a neat bow-tie conclusion to this, but what i’m getting at is that the writers wanted it both ways. they wanted the viewership and fan engagement that manny’s character garnered, but they didn’t value him enough to give him the screen time and characterization that he deserved. this resulted in all of the revelations that were made about his character -- his son, rhea, his dynamic with turner, his backstory, his hobby, his grandma, nick -- feeling pretty underwhelming because they were never touched on again. they were there because they had to give us something, but they weren���t important enough to the writers to be expanded upon, to be used for personal growth or connecting with the other characters. i think that’s why it felt like such a hollow victory -- we got exactly what we wanted in theory, but there the foundation of it all was too weak for it to feel truly meaningful. 

we wanted rio to be acknowledged and written as a permanent fixture on the show, but instead the rest of the characters were hell-bent on getting rid of him and his primary aspect of redemption was what he meant to beth, not what he meant to the show. even in the finale when she finally came to the realization that she won’t ever be able to give up crime, rio’s role in contributing to her self-actualization was passed over by a character who has been in seven episodes, and i think that really spoke for itself the loudest in terms of how much the writers truly valued him.

[scoobydoofenshmirtz]

The Horny Cinematography of Seasons 4 and 5 of Supernatural

So I made this kinda silly post about how horny the late Kripke era of Supernatural was and it was mostly meant as a joke, but then it got me thinking. So I did a little bit of digging, went through some memorable scenes, and noticed some actual patterns in the way Dean and Castiel are shot versus other characters. Disclaimer: this is not exactly a scientific analysis. I didn’t rewatch the entire two seasons for this and there are probably shots with other characters that I missed that go against it, but this is just the general trend that I noticed. 

Click on the images for higher resolution. Analysis is under the cut.

So the general premise of this analysis is that Cas and Dean are shot noticeably close-up, typically staring intensely into each other’s eyes. I think we all know about the whole staring thing, but the actual close-ups were way more intense then I think some people might realize, especially when compared to other interactions between different characters. Cas in particular is shot very close-up frequently whether he’s talking to someone else or by himself (there are so many gorgeous close-ups of Misha in season 4), but the intense eye contact is pretty much only with Dean. 

It starts off almost immediately in 4x01 Lazarus Rising where in Dean and Castiel’s very first interaction, they stand very close and the camera focuses on their faces. First we have two close-ups, then in what is maybe my favorite shot in all of Supernatural, Castiel steps in closer to Dean and the close-ups get even tighter. He tilts his head and stares thoughtfully at Dean with those big blue eyes. Cut to Dean’s look of discomfort after being told (very accurately) “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.”

Things amp up in literally Castiel’s second appearance in 4x02 Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester with one of the horniest Destiel scenes in the show (again this is only their second interaction!) We have Castiel unexpectedly showing up at Bobby’s house, Dean sassing him, and Castiel stepping very close to Dean and saying “You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.” This is a very tense interaction with some beautiful low key lighting that pretty much went extinct after season 5. Notice how tight the frame is, even compared to 4x01. These are extreme close-ups where both Dean and Castiel’s chins and foreheads are cut out of the frame. 

Castiel’s third appearance in 4x03 In the Beginning is a lot more prominent as he has many scenes throughout the episode instead of just one. I’m not gonna include pictures of all of them because there’s lot, but there are plenty of close-ups and intense gazes between the two (e.g. sitting on the bed, “Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?” which according to Misha, Kim manners said was “too gay” but they did it like that anyway) and contains the first time they touch and the first time they are shot in more high key lighting. Go rewatch the episode if you want to see more lovely close-ups between Dean and Cas. 

Next I would like to draw your attention to episode 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester. This is Castiel’s fourth appearance and the first time we see him interact with a character who’s not Dean. This is where the differences between how they’re shot start to become apparent. First we have Sam’s first interaction with Castiel (greetings blood freak) that is shot with standard close-ups. Eventually, Dean comes in, conversation happens blah blah blah and we get to the more intense discussion about how the angels want to destroy the town. The discussion is between Dean, Cas, Sam, and Uriel, but Dean and Cas get most of the focus. The camera tells us that they are the main subjects in this scene. Dean and Cas are shot more close-up and tighter and they are standing closer and looking in each others eyes unlike Sam who is looking back and forth between them and standing a few steps back. 

Of course this doesn’t stop in season 4. Here is a similar example from 5x02 Good God, Ya’ll! but the difference between Dean and Cas and Sam is even more obvious. This is the “I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you,” exchange which I find interesting. Some people could say here that Cas means “you” plural as in Sam and Dean but the Camera is so focused on just Dean and Cas while Sam just sorta hangs there in the background. 

One thing that I think is interesting is that these types of shots-extreme close-ups with two characters looking into each other’s eyes and standing no feet apart-are not necessarily exclusive to Dean and Cas, but they are usually in a different context. Pretty much all (at least that I could remember) the other examples of this type of shot are between one character and a villain. Below we have three fairly intense confrontations between characters, Sam and Uriel in 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester, Dean and Alastair in 4x16 On the Head of a Pin, and Dean and Cas in 4x22 Lucifer Rising. The composition is almost exactly the same with similar lighting as well, but one of these things is not like the other. Very obviously Cas is not a villain and this scene in particular is a huge moment for his character that cements his decision to fully rebel against Heaven for Dean. 

Also characters that tend to be that close together looking into each other’s eyes in two shots are usually villains except for Dean and Cas. Below we have a shot of Ruby and Sam very close together right before he drinks her blood and a very close-up shot of Dean and Alastair both in 4x16 On the Head of a Pin. Compare that to the two shot from 4x02 Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester above for example. There is a certain sexual nature in these two villain scenes (and a lot of villain interactions on Supernatural in general). Obviously, Sam and Ruby are literally having sex, but Alastair is also portrayed as a villain who sexually objectifies his victims (the torture scene with Ruby, calling Dean “Daddy’s little girl, etc.) but Cas is not a villain and yet the framing is very similar. 

Now I want to compare two fight scenes, one in season 4 and one in season 5. Here we have the fight scene between Ruby and Sam in 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer. Ruby is of course a sexy lady who Sam sleeps with in a sexy fight scene where she “proves” that she wants to help Sam by killing the other demon instead of Sam. But of course, the fight scene in 5x18 Point of No Return is shot way more close-up and Dean and Cas are inches away from each other. While I wouldn’t described this scene as “sexy” (Cas is literally beating Dean to a pulp) it is way more charged...intimate isn’t exactly the right word but there’s a similar but more intense erotic energy than in the fight scene with Ruby. 

Unrelated side note: there is a great use of breaking the 180 degree rule in this scene that I think works way better in this instance at disorienting the viewer than the shaky cam does. 

Next I have some random examples I noticed that show some of the different shots between characters. We have Anna in 4x10 Heaven and Hell right before she has sex with Dean. It’s fairly close-up, but still pretty loose framing compared to a lot of scenes between Dean and Cas. Anna’s entire face is still in the frame. Then we have a scene between Sam and Ruby in 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer that is also not as close-up as a lot of Dean and Cas scenes. On the bottom is a shot from 5x17 99 Problems which is I think the closest Sam and Cas physically get in these seasons before they ever hug. It’s more of a medium close-up than most of the scenes between Dean and Cas where they get that close. Lastly I have probably the tightest close-ups between Dean and Cas from 4x16 On the Head of a Pin. It’s similar to the shots from 4x02 but the context is pretty different with Cas trying to reassure Dean about the apocalypse. I know these don’t really have a theme but I thought they were good examples of the general pattern.

Finally I would like to point out a scene that is sort of the opposite which is the infamous staring scene in 4x21 When the Levee Breaks that goes on for like an hour. I don’t really know what to say about this scene only that I can’t believe it’s real. They literally just stand and stare at each other.

So what’s the point of all this? I honestly don’t really know. None of these observations are hard and fast rules and I’m sure there are times when other characters are shot like this. However, Dean and Cas seem to be the only ones consistently framed this way-tight close-ups, staring into each other’s eyes standing zero feet apart. What does it all mean? To me it shows that their bond is unique and special (profound you might say). It’s not even like they’re shot in a similar manner to love interests, it’s that their framing is unique, it stands out. Was it on purpose? Maybe. How shots end up looking is interesting because it really is the work of a lot of different people including the director, the cinematographer, the editors and more. I don’t think they were thinking “we should film Dean and Cas in this very intense way because they’re in love” or anything, but they obviously recognized there was something special between these two characters. And truly, the intentions don’t matter all that much to me. What’s there is there, and watching it the first time around I noticed how close Dean and Cas always were and watching it back post 15x18 all those shots stand out even more to me. There’s really no conclusion here, but I think it’s interesting to look a bit more closely at the cinematography in TV shows that we don’t always think of as having the highest quality production. There’s a lot of layers to be discovered outside of scripts and acting and things we tend to focus on more as viewers. 

[gisachi]

Better late than never?? Supposed to post on the day itself but of course I couldn’t. This is my rushed contribution to the prompt: domestic mixed with black knight&princess.

ShinRan Week Day 6

Prompt: Domestic (+ Black Knight&Princess)

Words: ~2.5k

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“Not just once, but twice! Who was it that saved my life again? Oh, unnamed knight with the black cloak, if you will grant me my wish… Please take off that dark mask and show me your true face!”

“If that is what, uh, the princess wishes, I shall show you my sorrow- sorrowful? - face under this moonlight. Oh wow this is cheesy.”

Ran leans on the arm of the couch, bound script covering her resigned face. If she had a hundred yen for every single complaint coming out of this detective’s mouth, she’d have enough to buy two entrance passes to Tropical Land for each day of the week, plus snacks and drinks.

“I went here because I thought you’d be a more immersive practice partner than ‘tou-san. You are worse.”

“I’m sorry, princess, if my mom being an actress ruined your expectations of me.”

“Oh, for sure. And otou-san doesn't destroy the scene by dropping nonsensical comments. And lie on the couch while reading the script. So he’s better by a lot.”

Shinichi props his body up, eyes rolling sarcastically before throwing a look at the lady on the edge. “To be fair, you came barging into my house so early on a Sunday. This is justified.”

“Shinichi, eleven in the morning isn’t early.”

With a stubborn grumble, the detective flops back into the cushions, script on his lap sliding to the floor. “ ’M tired Ran, long case last night, let me sleep.”

“Please, you’re my last option! School festival is in less than two weeks, and I can’t possibly ask Araide-sensei to spare time on a weekend outside of our rehearsal schedule when he’s busy working—”

The lightning speed Shinichi jolts upright causes Ran to cut herself short. “Araide-sensei is the cloaked knight?”

“Yes, didn’t I tell you?”

“You didn’t.”

“Really? I-” she pauses, delayed in taking in the curt iciness of his response when he was so apathetic five seconds ago. On anyone else it’s clear what that tone implies, but she’s never heard it on him.

“Do you have a beef with Araide-sensei?” she asks.

“A beef?”

Ran arches an eyebrow, skeptic. Shinichi meets her gaze, eyes slightly thinning before glancing away, cheeks crimson.

“I mean— Why Araide-sensei? Shouldn’t he be busy, I dunno, being a doctor, than being a fictional knight or something.”

“All the guys in our class were too shy and declined, so Sonoko asked Araide-sensei when he happened to come in for a checkup. He agreed so easily! Would you believe he’d taken a lot of lead roles in plays when he was a student?”

“And that was fifteen something years ago.”

“He’s also good at things like emphasizing lines and handling a woman!”

“Anyone can- What?!”

“Stop being a sourpuss Shinichi, especially when you’re the first to decline.”

He looks at her quizzically. “I did?”

“You don’t even remember?” Amidst the faint pink on her cheeks, disappointment etched on the way Ran’s lips curve to a small pout. “You were the first Sonoko asked... You were so quick to turn her down, she said.”

Astounded by the revelations docking in his brain all at once, Shinichi struggles to recall the conversations he had exchanged with Sonoko the past weeks. None stands out. If she had included Ran’s name in there, he would remember instantly. But Sonoko didn’t. Suddenly, the floodgates in his mind open.

If he finds out later on about the plot and the cast, he’ll definitely find a reason or two to sulk, if not object. Whether Ran is partnered with someone else or Araide-sensei doesn’t matter, for as long as it isn’t him. Him who she’s positive would outright reject her offer to act as a prince because why would he? In any case, god knows Sonoko omitted Ran’s name on purpose for this.

The sly woman has stirred something up, and she will proudly take the front row seat on his reaction she was so sure he’d make.

Not saying Sonoko’s predictions are right. This is just how she thinks. And he won’t react the way she expects he will. She is not right.

Not. Right.

Sonoko, yaro...

“Stand up, let’s do this.”

“Huh?”

“You want immersive? I’ll give you immersive.”

Left with little time to process as Shinichi pulls her by the hand, Ran drops her script on the floor. The sudden shift in character is unbelievable. How can someone so sleep-deprived turn into someone this enthused in a span of a breath?

“But first, let me…” He leaves the room, and Ran picks up her script, still quite lost. Whatever she said earlier must have triggered something, and she’s torn if she’ll ask once he returns but considers the possibility that he may break character. Not gonna risk that. He said he’ll give her an immersive practice, and it’s oddly unexpected, but she’ll take it. This is good. After all, she needs him as the knight.

Wants him as the knight.

“Sheesh, Ran, stop…” Shying away from her own maidenly thoughts, Ran flips to the designated page, scene, and line, rehearsing as she waits.

Some minutes later, Shinichi reappears, holding his script and something else. Of all things she would expect him to own, a blue fancy Columbina mask adorned with elegant silver and royal patterns wasn’t one of them.

“Mom has these things, okay,” he explains, putting it on. Ran isn’t sure if she wants to laugh or tease, but she does neither when she gets a glimpse of him with half of his face covered, and she catches her breath at the sight.

Standing against silk red curtains and brilliant glow of afternoon sunlight, he really does seem like a mysterious knight…

“Don’t laugh, idiot. After doing this for you. Wear this,” he says, and Ran zeroes in on the line of his lips because she has nowhere else to look at as he places a small barrette tiara on her hair. Doesn’t matter what he says, what they wear, even if they fail to match the daintiness of the mask and tiara. Shinichi with this on makes Shinichi as the knight much more vivid now. And Ran as the princess...

“Sorry!” She claps a hand on her warming cheek, pulls back a dumb smile she doesn’t notice she is wearing. “And I— I wasn’t laughing!”

“Still smiling creepily though.”

“I wasn’t being creepy! Geez. Anyway! Page-”

“Page 27, Scene 8, Line 10. Got it.”

After some short blocking instructions, they drop their scripts on the couch, and begin.

“Oh, unnamed knight with the black cloak, if you will grant me my wish… Please take off that dark mask and show me your true face!”

“If that is what the princess wishes, I shall show you my sorrowful face under this moonlight.”

Two steps forward and he removes the mask, and time slows down. She’s seen the same face a million times yet this time, her heart leaps like she’s laid eyes upon the most handsome face in the universe.

“Might—Might you be Spade?” She carries on, taking everything she can to maintain composure. “Long ago, you were banned from this land by my father… but now you’ve become the prince of Trump Kingdom...”

It’s nerve wracking, the way he’s strikingly still, eyes laden on her, either waiting for her next lines or admiring how beautiful she is with the tiara, she isn’t quite sure. The mask is gone, but he isn’t breaking character. Meanwhile, she’s trying her darned best to stay as Princess Heart of Bridge Kingdom.

“If you have… not forgotten about our childhood promise, then please…”

A nervous lump forms in her throat as she wraps her arms around his shoulders, and his hands find her waist, and she nearly gasps but holds it in because right now, she’s Princess Heart, not Mouri Ran asking this of Kudou Shinichi. “Please, show me on these lips.”

“As my princess so desires...”

It should be ‘the’, not ‘my.’ And there’s supposed to be another line after that, but nothing stops him as he leans in ahead of time and her eyelids flutter to the erratic beat of her heart. It’s better to be partnered with Araide-sensei in this after all. He will not mess up his lines, and she will not lose her mind the way she’s losing it now.

Two parted lips are a pucker away when the doorbell chimes, making both jolt.

Ran is first to snap out of character, as if she hasn’t had the urge to earlier.

“That—That must be Sonoko. I forgot to tell you...  I invited her in.”

“Oh, great,” Shinichi says.

Forcing her limbs into working order, Ran disentangles slowly, drawing a distance. Shinichi glances at the mask in his hand, then at her, before tossing it to the couch and turning for the door. From the window, she watches him walk to the front gate, scratching the back of his head in an annoyed manner like she just woke him from sleep, but grumpier. She hasn’t seen him display much emotion on a Sunday noon the way she’s seeing him now.

Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered him, she sighs, her turn to slump onto the couch this time.

-

“As I was saying, the prod already scouted the finest material for the costumes, and I decided, pink suits Princess Heart— Hello? Are you listening?”

Ran nearly drops the knife she holds if not for her inhuman reflexes. “Of course! Princess Heart in pink! Yes.” Like nothing happened, she resumes slathering jam and butter on the toast she’s preparing for the three of them. She doesn’t need to look at her side to know Sonoko’s eyeing her from head to toe.

“What happened to her?” The woman turns to Shinichi who sits at the high stool by the kitchen island.

“Dunno,” he says, sounding as noncommittal as he probably appears. Her back is turned against him, but she can see his face, and god why is she blushing?

“I just helped her rehearse. For the play,” he adds.

“Oh?” Sonoko’s brow perks up her forehead, hair whipping as she turns between her and the boy across them. “Did you?”

“Yup. Page 27.”

The dramatic gasp that tears from their friend’s throat is exactly the kind of gasp they expected; even so, Ran still flinches as Shinichi’s stool rakes the floor. “You kissed and I didn’t see?!”

“Hah?!”

“No!”

The two yelp in unison.

“That’s sly! You have to do it again! I’ll judge.”

“Excuse you! It didn’t happen, what you’re thinking!”

“Sonokooo!”

“Oh, shush, Ran, this is good practice. Good practice.”

“But—”

“Relax, rehearsal is rehearsal! In the actual play, once it’s Araide-sensei, he’ll do a better job—”

“I’m going to the toilet,” Shinichi gets off the stool, jaw stiff, out of the kitchen.

“—with a hug than a kiss. Right?” Sonoko ends, once Shinichi is out of the room.

“What?” Ran’s expression is inscrutable as she faces Sonoko completely, the flush across her face befitting embarrassment or ire. “You’re losing me here!”

“Oh, you’re not going to kiss, Ran. The lights will dim before your lips touch.”

“Then why—” she puts down the bread and walks in haste to the island to flip through the script, “Wh— That’s not in here!”

“Sonoko-sama hereby deems the script revised now that we have Araide-sensei.”

“Eh...?!” Ran cannot explain the play of her reactions. On one hand, a cloud is cleared from her mind, having to worry no more about doing something she has no experience with in front of watchful eyes. On the other, bunch of half-formed thoughts whirl through her mind that goes, Shinichi and I almost kissed for nothing, for nothing we almost k-kissed, an almost kiss with Shinichi, almost—

“That won’t do! I mean— That’s so not you! T-To choose a hug over a...”

“Duh, Ran! Even if it’s just a play, I won’t enable a kiss scene between a student and a staff member. We can fake the kiss. That, or switch to hug. Or better yet, change the male lead.”

“Change the male lead? In two weeks? Who will agree?!”

“Easy.” Just in time, Shinichi returns, hands in pocket and long face worn all the way to the stool.  “I know someone who will.”

-

‘Once it’s Araide-sensei, he’ll do a better job…’ What? Kissing Ran? Shinichi wants to puke. Sonoko needs to think things through. If this is part of her plan, it’s unacceptable, it sucks.

There’s no way, no way anyone can do a better job kissing Ran than…

“Aaaargh, what are you thinking!” He ruffles his hair in dismay, curses here and there. He only wanted to help Ran yet he almost went for it. Not as Spade but as himself. The audacity. It’s part of the script, sure, but—

If it is part of the script, then have Ran and Araide-sensei rehearsed it before?

“That’s it,” Shinichi huffs, storming out of the bathroom. If this is the kind of reaction Sonoko wants from him, she’s in for a show. Not just a show but a lifetime of curses and mental stabs. For her to go this far is unbelievable. Did Ran even agree to that? Will such a scene really happen in the play? No matter how despicable Sonoko’s methods are, he has faith she respects Ran’s preference as the female lead. No offense against Araide-sensei, but he cannot take Ran’s first kiss, whether as Spade or not.

That is not to say he knows Ran’s preference, especially when it comes to a first kiss, but… it’s not... Araide-sensei... is it?!

He cannot ascertain, not when Ran did nothing when they were about to kiss…

Okay, halt there, self. I said immersive. That’s immersive. She was acting.

All was but an act. She’s a great actress. I suck. No need to make this a big deal.

Shinichi is a pitiful mess once he’s back in the kitchen.

“My offer still stands, you know.” Sonoko sits beside him, munching a toast, while Ran is busy returning the jam in the cupboard, back against them.

“Your offer?”

Shinichi glances at Ran, then at Sonoko, with that feral grin on her lips and Shinichi does a bad job looking pissed, and it’s maddening because he is pissed, just not obvious with the blush forming across his cheek.

Reprimanding Sonoko is what he intends to do. For doing him dirty, him and Ran dirty, for dragging a staff to be the male lead, for imploring Ran to give her first kiss she’s probably saving in a different setting. All invalid reasons, when he cared less about the play before. He’s a full-time idiot, and Sonoko knows it clearly that’s why she’s offering the role again. He doesn’t want to fall into her trap, the same way he doesn’t want anyone else to be Spade when Princess Heart is Ran.

But Ran looks over her shoulder and they accidentally lock eyes, and pink blooms across her cheeks before she turns around, and suddenly the words that leave his mouth completely betray the thought process he underwent in the bathroom.

“If Ran agrees, yeah,” he says.

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[blarfkey]

Tips on Beta-ing Fic in Fandom

Hello! So I’ve noticed from some of my experiences and the experiences of others that not everyone fully understands how to beta a fic or how to ask for a beta reader.

And I get it. Editing is a delicate process, it's terrifying to ask someone to look at your work, and it's equally terrifying to feel responsible for the quality of someone else’s writing. 

So I decided to write up a little guide. I enjoy being a beta reader and learned how to while I got my minor in creative writing and through participation in many writer workshops but being a good beta doesn’t require an education like that.  A lot of bad experiences I’ve seen or heard about could be avoided with communication and basic courtesy.

More under the cut:

First of all, there are different levels of editing that require different levels of depth and commitment. A lot of issues crop up when two people have a different idea of what’s expected. So here is a way of looking at the different levels.

1. SPAG (SPelling And Grammar): This is the most basic level and has the least amount of time commitment. The beta looks for issues in grammar and spelling such as: comma rules, homophones, run on sentences, anything that obscures meaning, ect. This is the easiest level to ask for since it requires a basic read through and no knowledge of canon or characters or the fandom at all. If you are with a new beta whom you don’t know well, I would start with just this level. 

2. Flow and Efficiency: this gets a little deeper into SPAG. A beta on this level would flag passages that slow down the pace of the story, words that are repeated too often, dialogue that doesn’t make sense or sounds awkward, pronoun confusion, sentence/paragraph order, ect. This requires more time and re-reading the fic more than once to do a thorough job. 

3. Characterization: This deals with how in character your dialogue and actions feel in your story. If you’re writing a character for the first time or you don’t have a full understanding of them in canon, it can be helpful to ask a writer well versed in writing that character to take a look at your characterization. This does require more of a commitment than the others and you need to communicate with each other to discuss what seemed out of character and why and what alternatives could be taken instead.

4. Plot and Story: This is the  biggest commitment for a beta and not something you ask a person to do real quick or even ask a person to do if you don’t know them very well. This type of editing asks someone to look at the story overall and see what is working and what is not working as far as plot goes.

Did the writer develop the story in a way that makes sense, did they lay down the seeds of the development throughout the fic, are they sticking to a theme, are they contradicting themselves throughout the fic, did they repeat a scene, ect? For multi-chapter fics, this requires a long term beta/writer relationship over the course of each chapter update.

You should not ask someone brand new to beta at this level for an update chapter, especially if they haven’t read your other chapters first or aren’t familiar with your writing. This level requires an immense amount of trust between beta and author and a huge time commitment for a beta.

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Now that we understand the different levels of editing, here are some common courtesy guidelines for both authors and betas:

Author:

1. Decide beforehand what level you want your fic to be beta’d for. Communicate clearly exactly what you want your beta to look for and at what level you would like them to edit. You don’t have to use my guideline above exactly, but be clear if you want deeper edits than SPAG, for example. And understand that deeper edits, such as on structure and plot and characterization, require a lot of commitment on behalf of the beta reader. It’s understandable if they do not or are unable to give you that level of commitment so be clear about it upfront. 

2. Be clear on your deadline of when you want this done.

3. Be clear on the length, pairing/characters involved, rating, and major content warnings when asking for a beta. 

4. If you share a google doc, do not let any beta have full editing privileges. Even if you trust them, you won’t be able to see all the changes they make so you can learn from your mistakes. Keep the restrictions to commenter only. 

5. Be upfront and honest about  how sensitive you are to different kinds of feedback. Especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, be honest about what feedback you do not want.

6. Remember, you do not have to change everything a beta suggests. This is your story and even though they’ve done you a favor, it's ultimately your decision and judgement on your own fic.

That being said, you don’t need to argue with a beta about their suggestions. If you don’t agree with most or all of their ideas, they are not the beta for you. Thank them for their time and then follow through with your own suggestions or find a different beta.

Beta/Editor: Here are some basic courtesy rules you should follow when you are beta-ing.

1. Do not engage with fic that makes you uncomfortable, even if you want to be kind to a friend. Your reluctance shines through in your efforts and it does not end well for anyone. If you start a fic and then find you are uncomfortable with it, politely tell your author that you cannot continue. Do not do so in a way that shames their fic. You do not have to go into personal reasons why you cannot finish the fic, just tell them you are unable to do so. 

2. Stick to the deadline you agreed to. If something comes up, let the author know as soon as possible so they can find someone else, especially if they are on a publishing schedule or have an exchange deadline. 

3. Word all your non-spelling edits as suggestions, not commands. Ultimately any changes are the author’s decision and up to their discretion so it comes off as very rude and controlling when you use commands, as if you naturally know better than the author does at telling their own story. This also means that you should not change anything in the document without telling the author if they have given you full edit access on a google doc or word doc, ect. 

Some ways of phrasing you can use to make suggestions:

     A. “Could” and “can” instead of “should” and “need”.

For example:  For example, Maybe you could move this paragraph to the beginning because of ____ reason instead of You need to move this paragraph to the beginning. 

     B. “I think” at the beginning of a suggestion, so it's clear it's your opinion and nothing else.

I think this paragraph works better at the front of the chapter rather than the end.

     C. “Maybe” with a question mark.

This is one of my favorites. Think of it like brainstorming with someone. Maybe you could move this paragraph to the front of the chapter? Maybe X Character could do Y instead?

4. Always explain why you would make a change to story, flow, or characterization so the author understands your intent and reasoning.  

5. Do not judge someone’s writing. This is their story and their ideas. Do not try to steer the plot in the direction you would want to take it, do not kinkshame any of their smut, do not criticize their story/pairing choices because they aren’t to your tastes. The goal is to improve what they already have, not change it to match what you personally like. 

6. Do not offer only critical feedback without something positive. This is very important. Even if you are just at level one SPAG, leave a comment or highlight a passage, turn of phrase, line of dialogue that you enjoyed or leave a note at the bottom of something you think they did well. 

Asking for critical feedback is terrifying, and if there is not a balance of positive and constructive feedback, authors can be discouraged from writing further if they think all they write is bad or needs work. 

The way I did it in writing workshops is that I put every negative comment in between two positive comments. This might be unrealistic for beta, but you cannot beta a fic without leaving any positive feedback at all. 

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Communication and clear expectations go a long way in a good author/beta relationship. It helps to find someone whose fic they have written or bookmarked align with your own tastes if you want deeper edits. Make sure you have similar ideas on characterization, head-canons, interpretations of canon lore.

At the end of the day, however, it’s fanfiction. It is written for free and for fun. Little things that would not cut it in professional publication can slide in an fanfic and there should not be pressure to make a fic as perfect as a professional, published piece unless the author gives you that explicit expectation.

Please comment or send an ask/message if you have any questions about beta-ing!