#I started it way too late cause I took a nap and now it's 11pm and I'm only just now having dinner LOL

[paranoiias]

yay spaghetti :)

[glilboy]

Ateez reactions to finding you reading smut about them: Hyung line

ive had this idea for awhile and even requested it a few times from other writers but..i felt it was time to write it lol

tws under the cut

warning, this piece of fiction contains mentions of somnophilia, slight dom and sub dynamics, and general explicit topics.

Hongjoong:

You had attempted to stay up waiting for Hongjoong, deciding to reread one of your favorite stories in the mean time. Unfortunately that wasnt enough to keep you awake, you ultimately passing out and your phone tumbling onto the floor.

Hongjoong had a feeling you'd passed out since you didnt message him any "i miss you :(" texts after 11pm so seeing you knocked out on the couch was no surprise. He slowly padded over to you smiling softly, then noticing your phone on the floor and went to pick it up for you. He was never the kind to go through your phone but your smart self had no shut down timer which left the fan fiction on display for him.

He couldnt help but be curious seeing paragraphs of text and decided a little reading would do no harm. As he began to read though he felt his gut sweep, in a good way. He was honestly a little upset until he saw his name but when he read his name it was like all of exhaustion disappeared. Luckily he didn't have work the next day he thought to himself.

Sitting down on the couch with a plan he slowly nudged you awake. "Hi dear," he spoked softly with a smirk.

You rubbed at your bleary eyes and looked up at him, "Oh hi Joongie. Sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep." He smiled even bigger at you.

"Thats fine, it helped me find out something fun," he tucked your hair behind your ear. Still waking up you made a small "huh?" before seeing the phone in his hand.

"Oh..." you mumbled, starting to be awake enough to get it. You finally looked at him straight on and saw his signature devilish grin.

He moved his hand to slowly move up your thigh, giving it a small squeeze which elicted a sigh out of you. "Didn't think you'd read stuff like that Y/N, but I guess you're just full of surprises huh doll," the pet name made you shiver, Hongjoong never having used that one before.

"I'm sorry Joongie," you mumbled into your arm, face now red. His hand moving up to cup your core and grind his hand into it making you whimper softly.

"Oh dont be sorry dolly, just shows me that you really miss me."

Seonghwa:

Saying Seonghwa was caring was an understatement in a way. Despite his busy schedule he made it a point to showed he cared in different ways. One thing he always did was if you left your phone out at all he would put it on the charger for you. Small things!

Today though he had come home earlier than usual while you were taking a quick shower. Seeing your phone on the counter he waltzed over setting his stuff down to throw it on the charger even if it wasn't that low. He noticed you left it on, open to a book he assumed enough.Him being the lovely man he is he wanted to read a bit to see what you liked and possibly buy you a physical copy. Written porn with his name in it though was not what he was expecting.

Seonghwa gulped, setting down your phone with his hands shaking and his face now flushed pink. He took a deep breath and set down his bag, running his fingers through his hair now being surprisingly worked up. A part of him felt embarrassed for being turned on by the writing but at the same time he knew you didn't read it for no reason.

"Hwa! You're home early hello!" You ran up to him giggling, now clean and dressed in some sweats.

"Hey babe, yeah we got let out early cause we learned the new choreography fast enough. They asked us if we wanted to do more vocal practice but none of us did," He laughed, trying to shift his legs to hide his slight erection.

"None of you stay late ever," you giggled sarcastically up at him. "Well, I was gonna take a nap. Do you want to? I'm sure you're tired."

He nodded softly and took your hand walking to your guys bedroom talking about your day. He changed himself into more comfortable clothing then joined you in bed, you curling into him quickly. Once you settled Seonghwa felt he could actually breathe, feeling like a middle schooler just for getting more worked up from having you close. He heard your breath settle which is when he shifted away a bit from you.

"Fuck..." He mumbled, having the space now laying on his back to palm himself over his erection. Looking over at your sleeping face made it worse, the piece you had opened having involved somnophilia. One thing he never had the guts to suggest to you despite having such an open relationship.

He didn't notice your eyes flutter open at the movement. You only just fell asleep so you were in no means in too deep. You decided to play it though, closing your eyes and throwing a leg over his waist as if you were just adjusting in your sleep.

He inhaled a sharp breath and bit his lip now mildly frustrated at the whole situation. Mumbling a fake sleepy "Hwa" you moved to straddle the man hearing a childish sigh escape his lips.

"If you keep moving, I swear to god," He mumbled out loud thinking youre still asleep since you had always been a chaotic sleeper.

"And what will you do about it horny kid," you giggled against his neck. You could feel his body tense.

"Go back to sleep and I'll fuck you like your sick little fantasy, how about that hm?"

yunho:

Rain was beating against the window as you cuddled up on the couch with your phone in hand. Yunho was on the other side of his personal office playing video games. It was a chill day but something in the air was setting you slightly off the edge.

Besides the sweet glances and cheesy smiles thrown at each other, your screen was very much the opposite of innocent pure love. Getting indulged in the story you started to zone in, missing some of his looks making Yunho curious as to what your interest was delved into currently.

"Be right back guys," he said into the mic mischievously. Quickly making his way over he slipped the phone out of your hand, this behavior wouldve typically been fine but because of the contents on your screen you gasped and reached out for your phone. "You doing something naughty or do you just like acting suspicious?" he grinned before looking at your phone.

His face feel reading the paragraph of a particularly nsfw scene. You were now sitting up staring at him wide eyed, "yuyu please oh god its not what you think, i think." Silence filled the room, the only noises being the sound of his running pc and the dull chatter of the other boys.

"Do you read this often?" he said out of hesitation and pure curiosity, almost feeling that he violated your private space. He kind of got the gist of it all right away, thankfully for your sake.

"Not all the time but i mean, you are busy yunho," you tried to softly explain knowing this was odd territory.

"Do you...ever want to try it," he says, getting to the end of the page and looking at you.

"I can't say that..none of them aren't, nice," the air was filled with an awkward energy that could suffocate another person if they came in at such a weird time.

The two of you stood there for a second, until he moved towards you and took your hand. He placed it on his bulge and you sucked a breathe in.

"Take off my pants," he ordered, a strange harsh tone to his voice. For you guys there was never set roles, not any dom or sub dynamic but it wasnt vanilla per say so him speaking like this was new. Besides that, you did as he said and pushed your thumbs under the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down his legs.

Silently he took your hand then sat down on his gaming chair, pulling out his large cock. He slipped on his headphones before looking up at you with a shit eating grin.

"Sit down, i can tell youve been dying too babe."

yeosang:

You were waiting for yeosang to come home after a shorter than usual practice, deciding to pass the time by indulging in your secret world. In the midst of browsing your favorite blogs you didn't hear the door open, this event made you learn not to have headphones in when participating in such activities.

Walking in, Yeosang looked around for you and spotted your figure on the couch. He slowly moved near with a secret motive of scaring you when he glanced at your phone seeing a photo of him paired with a lot of writing. Tilting his head curiously he squinted to read the text, reading along with you until his face flushed.

Sucking in a breath slightly he moved back to the door, playing off him just entering. You noticed his figure walking towards you and sneakily turned off your phone and got up to greet him.

"Hey babe, it's nice to see you in the sunlight," you giggled and wrapped your hands around his waist. You noticed him hesitantly wrapping his arms around you, causing you to pull away.

"Hey, whats up? you seem a bit off?" you pouted and brushed the hair out of his eyes, not catching the little blush.

"Yeah yeah babe, I'm fine. promise," he cleared his throat and pulled away, making your heart sink a bit. He practically completely ignored what you actually said.

"No Yeo, I- did I do something wrong? Or just a long day?" you pried knowing something was up.

Shifting awkwardly on his feet he looked up at you, his hair back in his face. "I um, saw what you were reading."

The color drained from your face, mouth slightly hanging not knowing what to say. You thought he was pissed, was going to leave and break up with you but right when you were about to talk he spoke again.

"C-can we do that?"

A moment of silence passed and you looked up at him, your boyfriend who was typically very soft and gentle in bed. Knowing what you were reading was likely pretty heavy in his book, you became worried. "Yeo, I just read it. It means nothing I don't want to make you uncomforta-"

His lips cut yours off and one hand entangled in your hair, his other guiding you to the wall by your hip. Back flush against the way you pulled away after a moment to see his eyes wide and sweat already beading down his temple.

"I've wanted to do that, just didn't want to scare you dear."

[neonacity]

HYACINTHE | CHAPTER 3: JAEMIN X READER

SUMMARY:

Na Jaemin is far from being your typical 20 year old. Instead of slaving through college, he wastes away his hours cracking safes. Weekends that should be spent partying with friends consist of illegal races on good days and small scale bombings on bad ones. Na Jaemin is far from being average, unless you consider being a member of Seoul’s top organized crime family normal.

There is no such thing as a sense of normality and peace in his trainwreck of a life, so when he met a barista who was brave enough to call out his dangerous taste in coffee, he was like a moth to the flame. Everything about her is normal, which means she is forbidden to him, in all sense of the word. So why, then, does he always find himself at the front steps of her shop, breaking all his personal rules even if he wishes he could stay away?

A/N + Disclaimer: this is a side story to Black Daisies, my main mafia fic feat. 0T23. While the plot is based on the main story, this can also be read as a standalone fic. As usual, this is purely a work of fiction and in no way am I implying any member of NCT to behave the way I write them here. tw: crimes, heists, potential death, mentions of drugs and other illegal activities.

PAIRING: Jaemin x Reader

TW: illegal activities, gunshot wound, mentions of blood

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

FIC TRAILER

MASTERLIST

"Another bank was looted last night around 11PM, this time in the Geumchon district. This is the second bank that was broken into in the past week and the fourth that is rumored to be the doing of one of Seoul's organized criminal…."

I sighed and put down the pen that I have been using to scribble on a piece of napkin. A frown creased my forehead before I grabbed the offending piece of flimsy paper and crumpled it with my hand. Jeno, who was silently watching the news, looked up and shot me a curious look. He was leaning over the counter lazily, his cup of half finished hot cocoa beside him. 

"You okay?"

I winced. "Yeah... Actually. Actually, no. I am not okay," I said finally as I threw the used napkin to the closest thrash. I have been scribbling all the things I have to pay for the coming month there and couldn't bear to take another look at it. Jeno grabbed his drink and silently took a sip of it, obviously waiting for me to elaborate.

After my initial 'unplanned' meeting with Jaemin's friends, it has become more or less of their routine to drop by the cafe to hangout. Jaemin was initially against it at first, always scowling whenever he would see one of them already in the shop, though it seems like he has gotten used to it lately—or rather, he didn't have any other choice but to simply accept it. They would often sometimes come in groups—Jisung and Chenle are big fans of the pastries—but other times it's just one of them who would drop by to visit like Jeno now. My favorite is when all of them drops by to visit, not only because I've started getting closer to them too, but because customers would automatically flock into the shop whenever the "handsome gang" is there. Honestly, I couldn't blame them.

"I'm a little bit short on money this month. I was supposed to get my monthly allowance from my scholarship but something happened so it will be delayed. I have lab things to buy and well—everything sucks." 

Jeno nodded slowly, though I have a feeling he doesn't really understand my plight with money. Spending time with the seven of them has given me a better understanding of each boys' personalities. Jeno, for example, is definitely the calmer one of the bunch. While the others would cause chaos every now and then—Jaemin included, he would be on the side watching them usually with that adorable eye smile of his. He is different from Mark who would mostly jump in to join the fun before calming everyone once things get overboard, though both seem to share the same responsibility over the group. He also seems to be the closest to Jaemin, so by extension, I am also most comfortable around him. 

"How much money do you need?" 

I gave him a look as I reached out for a paper cup to make myself my own hot cocoa. 

"I heard the same question from your best friend before. Are you also going to offer to be my sugar daddy?" 

Jeno choked on his drink and hid his laughter behind his raised cup. 

"Do you want Jaemin to kill me?" 

That made me inappropriately blush.

"Sometimes I just want to bust out a bank like that group everyone is talking about." 

Jeno didn't say anything and continued watching me from the brim of his drink. 

"You think you can do it?" 

"Do what?" I asked as I poured hot cocoa on my cup. I said that off-handedly, I almost forgot my words the moment they left my lips. 

"Rob a bank. You know, do something illegal." 

I leaned back against the counter and craned my head a little sideways as I thought the question over. I didn't actually think of that before so I had to listen to my moral compass a little bit before answering. 

"It depends on the reason." 

Jeno looked surprised by my reply. He was probably expecting a goody two shoes answer from me, which I don’t blame him for, to be honest. Even I am mildly shocked by what I said. 

"The reason?" 

"Yes. I mean, if the only reason I would steal is because I don't have money to support my studies, then no, I wouldn't do it. I have other options. I can work extra jobs or I can just drop out from uni. But if I didn't really have any other choice, if I had to do it for someone really close to me, for example, then I would do it." 

"That is very…"

"Cliche, right? I know. But that's how it works, at least for me," I said with a laugh. "I do know what's good and bad, but I'm willing to jump the gun if I have to." 

I didn't know if it was my imagination, but I thought I heard Jeno murmur something under his breath as I turned to get back to work. 

"I bet Jaemin wouldn't like that." 

-----

PRESENT DAY, a little over one month after the happenings in the first chapter. 

They disappeared like bubbles. No, he disappeared in thin air, like smoke that was blown over by a strong gust of wind. After that night when Jaemin bust through my cafe door, hiding god knows what and asking for temporary shelter, he hasn't shown himself again, apparently leaving while I slipped into a light sleep. Even his friends stopped visiting the cafe which, for a few days, made me genuinely feel scared. Are they okay? What happened to him? Who was he running away from?

That worry slowly and gradually morphed into anger as the days lengthened. I know it was my way of coping with my emotions, but I couldn't help myself. I tried calling him, but the line was cut. It even came to the point that I had to call each of his friends, but it seems like the numbers they gave me were all temporary ones, too. I felt frustrated. I felt...abandoned. 

Was it really easy for him to just cut off all contact with me? 

Was it foolish of me to think that there is...something deeper here than just friendship?

It was the start of winter when the loud ringing of my phone woke me up from my nap. Eyes still heavy with sleep, my first instinct was to look at the clock by my table which registered 1:19AM. I frowned. I was in the middle of finishing a paper before I decided to take a nap but who could be calling me at such an ungodly hour? 

I blearily reached out for my phone and barely looked at the unregistered number before hitting the answer button. 

"Hello?" 

"Noona?"

I froze. Just like that, I felt the sleepiness slowly melt away from my consciousness. I know that voice. 

"Jisung?" 

"Noona, we need your help." 

I sat up on my seat after registering the panic in his voice. I heard another tone suddenly hiss at him from the background before a rustling sound overtook the speakers. It sounded like someone grabbed the phone from his grasp before he could even react.

"Jisung. What's happening—"

"Hello?" The new voice that spoke on the other line made my heart stop. I stared at my wall, wide-eyed.

"Jaemin." 

"I'm sorry. We didn't mean to—"

"Jaemin, we don’t really have any other choice but her, give me the phone," another one jumped in. It was Mark. 

"No. Hyung—"

"We're losing him," my lips parted in shock at what I heard. His voice sounded clearer now and I could very much pick up the iciness on it. Mark has always been so friendly and warm that it threw me off guard. 

"Give me the phone." 

The authority he held made me assume that Jaemin did as he was told. Next thing I know, he was calling out my name from the speaker.

"Mark, yes, I'm listening." 

"Hey. I'm really sorry about this, but we need your help. We really have no other choice, Haechan is in such a bad state—"

That made me stand up and push away from my desk.

"What the hell is going on? What do you mean about Haechan?"

"I'll explain later. We're on our way to you now."

"Wait, what? You don't know my address."

"We'll be there in seven minutes."

That was all he said before he cut off the call, leaving me standing shell-shocked in the middle of my room.

---

They banged on my door not even five minutes after. I had barely pulled on a cardigan when loud knocks rang through my small one bedroom unit causing me to quickly run and grab my knob open. 

I stood frozen at the sight of the seven boys crowding my doorway. Everyone was covered in some sort of soot, leaving them almost unrecognizable in their black outfits. Mark and Jeno were in the middle of the group, carrying a half-conscious Haechan between them. Jisung, Chenle, and Renjun brought the rear, their eyes moving wildly as if checking for eavesdroppers. Jaemin stood closest to me, his jaw tense and his eyes apologetic. My gaze snapped back to the center of the group when Mark called out my name. 

That's when I saw it for the first time. I didn't notice it at first because of its dark color, but Jeno was holding a towel against Haechan's stomach. Except it isn't black, it was a deep dark red.

Blood. 

"Oh my god." 

"Please help us." 

Maybe it was the shock, but I quickly stepped aside to let everyone in. I had barely slammed the door shut when I heard a crashing sound from my small dining area. Jeno pushed everything on top of my table to the ground as Mark and Jaemin gently guided Haechan on it. 

"What—what is going on—"

"He's been shot. Thrice. We're not sure but I think two of the bullets are still there," Renjun answered me as he grabbed the soaked towel from Mark's hand and replaced it with a new one. Jisung and Chenle worked on closing all the shutters of my windows while Jaemin tore off a lamp from my living room to move it close to Haechan. He closed all other lights other than the ones on the dining area and the small lamp.

It was then when my training finally kicked in. I ran towards the table to peer at the wound, my shaking hands gently moving the new towel that is quickly getting soaked by blood again. Haechan gave a soft grunt of pain before slipping to unconsciousness again. 

"I think there are still foreign objects there. It's what causing the severe bleeding."

"Can you take it out?"

My eyes shot to Jeno. The harsh lights from the lamp threw strong shadows on his stressed features. 

"I'm not a licensed doctor."

"We don't need a licensed doctor right now, we need someone who can patch the hole in his stomach. Please." 

I gritted my teeth. I have a ton of questions running through my head right now, but he's right. We need to act fast or else we will lose him. I rolled up my sleeves then and called out to whoever can act fast to my orders. 

"Somebody get the black box under my bed. I have all my surgery practice tools there. I need hot water and lots of towels. Everyone move. Now."

As soon as I said my orders, each of the boys were moving in a flurry to get everything that I asked for. I was adjusting the small lamp directly over the wound to peer at it better when I felt a gentle hand circle around my arm. I looked up to see Jaemin staring at me. 

"Thank you." 

I didn't say anything at first. I don't know if it was the shadows playing over his features, but he looked different from the Jaemin I knew in that brief moment.

"Don't thank me yet. Say that once we're sure he survives."

---

I was stirred from my sleep by the light snoring of someone to my right. Turning my head, I was greeted by the sight of Jisung who was currently sprawled on my sofa, his legs so long that they were dangling on one end. Chenle was on the floor below him, his face covered by one of the pillows he probably fished from one of my love seats cradling Renjun's curled up form. Mark and Jeno were both sitting upright, the former close to Haechan and the other by the door like a sentinel. They seemed to be in deep sleep too, they're heads hanging low. Jaemin was on the floor next to my seat, his breathing slow and relaxed. 

I blinked slowly as my gaze moved from boy to boy. It took me a painful two hours to do the impromptu surgery, first working on taking the bullets out before sewing everything back together. Haechan was lucky enough that the bullets didn't hit any vital organs or important vessels, and that the extreme bleeding was only caused by the wrong muscle being hit by the impact. He slipped from being conscious to unconscious throughout, and everyone had to work together to help me while I did my thing. 

I couldn’t really blame any of them from crashing the moment we made sure that Haechan’s safe—for now. 

After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I tried to silently move from where I was curled on, careful not to stir anyone. I still have a ton of questions, but those can be taken care of later. I padded as carefully as I could towards the table where Haechan was still resting and peered at the IV that I had hooked on his arm to make sure everything was moving well. 

They even have spare blood bags with them for emergency transfusions. 

...As if this kind of thing normally happens.

"He's going to be okay, right?" 

I hastily turned to see Jaemin staring at me. His voice was low and was only loud enough for me to hear. 

I stared at him for a bit before looking away. 

"Yes. He'll survive."

"Thank you so much." 

I didn't answer. He also didn't say anything else, though I could still feel his gaze heavily on me. I braced myself before speaking again.

"We need to talk." 

I didn't wait for him to reply. I simply walked towards my room, leaving my door open for him to follow. I only turned back to look at him when I finally heard it close softly behind him.

"Who are you?" I asked, before he could even say anything else. I watched as his jaw tightened and released, his eyes full of indecisiveness. I didn't waver. Not this time. 

"You said…"

"That I will never ask questions? I did. But I can't do it anymore, Jaemin. You disappeared for a month without even saying goodbye then showed up on my door with your friends, one of them with a hole in their stomach. You have blood bags—freaking blood bags. What the hell is going on?" 

I tried my hardest to control my voice, not wanting any part of this conversation to be heard outside. My legs felt weak at the moment but I tried my best to continue standing so I could hold his gaze. 

The look in Jaemin's eyes, however, almost made me want to give up. I knew from the pain and hesitation there that I wouldn't like whatever it is he is about to say.

"I'm a criminal."

My stomach dropped. 

I was expecting it, but hearing it straight from him didn't soften the impact and the shock. 

"A…" 

"We steal. We do illegal things. There is absolutely no good way for me to describe this, but yes, I am a runaway who was stupid enough to bring you into this mess," Jaemin said through gritted teeth as he tore his eyes away from me. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to take a deep breath to steady himself.

"I was stupid and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone back and tried to befriend you after that order of coffee. I'm sorry I ran to you that night a month ago. I seriously thought I was going to die and I wanted you to be the one that I see for the last time. I'm sorry for today, or that I couldn't answer any of your questions back then. It was selfish of me to keep you in my life without giving you anything back," he stopped and forced himself to look at me again. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when our gazes met. 

"I'm sorry." 

I didn't… couldn't say anything. One part of me had already expected this because it is the only reason that makes sense. Those vague answers, his detachment from normal society, the money, every clue seems to point to one direction, but that didn't spare me from my moral dilemma now. Because while I knew, I didn't exactly consider how it relates to me.

I was afraid to.

Because the truth is, I like Na Jaemin to the extent that I'm afraid of what I can do for him.

"Do you kill…" I asked in a whisper, my voice shaky. A frown passed his already stressed features before he answered.

"No. None of us do," he answered, and I knew then that he was telling the truth. Regardless of what he is or what he didn't tell me, I trust him to not lie to me.

"Am I—am I in danger?" I asked next. He firmly shook his head.

"No. I made sure of that. No one would dare—" he stopped, as if gauging what words he can use to not scare me even more. "You have always been under protection." 

That’s when it clicked. The cafe visits from his friends. The random strangers who seem to spring out from nowhere every time I was out and about and needed sudden help. 

My legs finally gave way and I collapsed on my bed behind me. My mind was trying its best to wrap around the situation, leaving my thoughts in a jumble. There are a million things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get a single one out at the moment. 

Jaemin seemed to know what I was feeling at the very least because he simply stood there, silently watching me. I'm not sure how long the two of us stayed in that bubble of silence, but it was also him who brought me back to reality when I felt warmth cover my hands.

I looked up to see him kneeling in front of me, both his hands gently enveloping my clasped ones. The look in his eyes made my heart lurch, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything still. 

"I'm sorry if I was selfish… I promise, after this, you won't have to worry about anything else."

No. 

"When I met you, I saw something that's so different from the life that I have. Believe me, I tried my best to leave you alone, but I wanted more of it—more of —you, so I kept coming back." 

Are you going to leave me again?

"But you'll be safe now. I promise. You can go back to how it used to be before I… almost ruined it." 

Please don't leave me. 

Jaemin gave my hands one last squeeze and I felt him move to straighten himself. Before he let them go, however, another gentle warmth pressed against my forehead as he grazed it with his lips. 

"Thank you."

My tears dropped the same time the doors closed behind him. 

---

Chapter 4

[catboymingi]

movie night

navi/masterlist

pairing: yunho x reader

genre: fluff; requested by @yunhoiseyecandy​​ !

word count: 2.3k

warnings: none!

a/n: the amount of time this took me to write just because i kept napping… i’m ashamed

imagine this: me, yunho, cuddles + kithes + movies :3

“yunho, what are you doing?”, you laughed out after the third time your boyfriend had found it completely necessary to start kissing all over your face during a lovey scene in the movie you were currently watching, completely without warning or explanation.

“kissing you”, he just replied, lips still forcibly attached to your face as if it was impossible to remove them even just to answer you.

“i can see that”, or rather, feel, “but i don’t really get why you’re suddenly so lovey.”

“do you want me to stop?”, and now it did seem possible to bring just a few centimetres of distance between his lips and your skin.

“no, love, it’s cute, it’s just hard to focus on the movie when you’re being so cute”, you told him, and then, as realisation hit you: “you just don’t want to watch a romcom! you could’ve just told me, i would’ve put something else on!”

“no no!”, he was quick to reassure, “the movie is cute! you’re just cuter. it’s impossible to not kiss you when you smile so cutely whenever something lovey happens.”

now it was you pressing a kiss to his lips as you turned your head to look at him, and another one, and, just because you could, a third one as well, before you focused back on the movie.

yunho didn’t like this, though, wanted your attention on him only now that he’d gotten some of it, but he knew that you really wanted to watch the movie, so he tried to let you focus.

keyword: tried.

he really was trying to not be too in-your-face with his affection, small kisses pressed to your shoulder, neck, jaw, picking up your hands to kiss your knuckles, but what he hoped to be lowkey left you wanting more, more kisses, a tighter hug, just more love. it was impossible to resist him when he was all over you smothering you with affection. so you decided to pause the movie, and once that was done you turned in yunho’s lap some more, now in the perfect position to get all his love and kisses.

“but the movie-?”, your boyfriend asked, but you just shook your head.

“it’s impossible to not kiss you when you’re being so adorable”, you repeated what he’d offered you as an explanation a little earlier, though slightly tweaked to fit the new situation, and he smiled.

“i guess.”

then, even though you’d told him that it was impossible for you not to kiss him, he leaned in again to kiss you, happy that this time you wouldn’t be complaining about missing out on the plot.

“you taste like chips”, because that’s what you’d been eating, the only option for a portion-sized, grabbable snack in the house, and also the reason why there were subtitles on the movie, because your crunching made it difficult to understand the characters at times.

“and you taste like you’ve inhaled a whole bottle of sprite since we started”, you replied to him, both of you smiling against the other.

“together we’re the perfect meal for a movie date”, he joked, playfully licking your lips to mix the tastes.

“yup. perfect meal”, he assessed his little experiment, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“my turn”, doing the same as he’d done, making it his turn to laugh as you tried to taste some of the sprite off his lips.

“can you even taste it?”, because he didn’t assume his lips tasted a lot like the drink. if anything, his tongue probably tasted more like it.

and his suspicion was confirmed when you grinned at him.

“nope”, you let him know, “but it’s fun to tease you back.”

you shouldn’t have said this, though, because what had started off as innocent teasing resulted in you near falling off the couch as he tickled your sides with one hand, holding your hands together so you were entirely helpless with the other.

“mercy! please! spare me!”, you laughed out as his hands mercilessly attacked you, making you near pee your pants because he just would not stop.

“what do i get if i stop?”, yunho asked, stopping now so you’d be able to form a coherent sentence, something he knew would be impossible if he kept torturing you.

“whatever you want! whatever you want!”, without thinking much about it - you were desperate for a break and you were desperate for the bathroom, your laughter having caused something that would become a problem if he wouldn’t let you go pee right now.

“hmm…”, he thought out loud, considering what he’d bribe out of you, leaving you still unable to move as he was holding your hands together.

“please just let me pee, yunho”, you whined out, and finally you were released, sprinting to the bathroom to grant your bladder the desired relief as he mused on.

“you said i get whatever i want”, you were greeted by your boyfriend as you returned from the bathroom, much less hurried than you’d been when you left, and the reminder of that already had you fear whatever he was going to ask of you.

“i want to go to mcdonald’s and get a happy meal”, he continued, “and a mcflurry. and a big milkshake. and you pay.”

at least it could have been worse. even though it was currently nearing 11pm and you really weren’t excited about going out in the merciless cold he at least hadn’t asked you for a trip to universal studios or something equally impossible. really, you were lucky you got out of this with just a mcdonald’s meal.

“get your jacket and let’s go”, you just told him, and he seemed a little surprised that you just accepted it. he wasn’t going to complain, though.

that was how you found yourself in mcdonald’s as one of the only customers roughly twenty minutes later, you in yunho’s lap as he fed you some of his fries. you’d just gotten an - already devoured - mcflurry for yourself while his wish had been fulfilled, but the fact that he had two drinks meant he left you to choose the happy meal’s drink, which was assigned your drink as he happily sipped his milkshake.

“thank you, angel”, he told you, but you just rolled your eyes at him, making it a point to turn your head so he could most definitely see it, too.

“as if you’d let me go if i hadn’t offered you literally anything you wanted. and i needed to pee.”

“fair point”, feeding you another fry - by now you’d probably eaten more fries than him, but he didn’t mind -, “but i still want to say thank you. i have manners, you know.”

he was most definitely teasing, but you had a good counter argument, as he found out when you without a single second for thought told him: “didn’t seem like it when you tickled me half to death.”

“you started it!”, he tried defending himself, but not with you.

“you were the one to lick my lip just to get some taste of the chips! i just repaid you, that doesn’t make me the one who started!”

yunho couldn’t argue with that, so he just grumbled, deciding to speed up his fry feeding tempo so you wouldn’t be able to say any more, keeping your mouth constantly occupied with chewing.

this plan, however, stopped working as soon as he was out of fries, and your teasing immediately continued.

“don’t think i didn’t know what you were doing”, you told him, “you just can’t stand hearing the truth.”

“can’t i want my love to be well fed? does that make me a bad boyfriend? if so, give me the worst boyfriend in the world award, because i’ll always make sure you have enough food.”

“dork”, but you were smiling, enjoying the moment and how normal it felt. it felt like this was how it should be, your boyfriend and you at mcdonald’s, you in his lap as he tried to navigate his spoon to his mouth without accidentally hitting you in the chest with it, the time close to midnight so you were two of the only people there, just being goofy and relaxed. it felt like the hectic world full of assignments and work and random due dates couldn’t reach you in this moment.

“but i’m your dork”, yunho informed you as he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, something that still made your heart flutter. you literally lived with him, you’d spent the last three years of your life with him, yet whenever he confirmed that he was yours and you were his you felt like you had on your very first date.

“and it looks like my dork finished his happy meal. do you want to go back home? i’m a little tired.”

‘a little’ was an understatement, but you weren’t about to tell him that it was near impossible to not fall asleep in this lousy mcdonald’s just because he was enveloping you in his warmth with his arms around you and chest against your back. that would be a reason for more teasing than you were willing to accept.

“let’s go”, and you left hand in hand after you’d thrown away the remnants of your late night adventure, the only thing keeping you from freezing on the walk back home the fact that he’d wrapped an arm around you as soon as he realised you were cold, trying to give as much of his warmth to you as he could.

though that had helped you were glad when you were back home, taking off your shoes and the sorry excuse of a jacket that hadn’t done its job and immediately moving towards the bedroom, hiding underneath not only your but also his blanket, and you were absolutely willing to fight him if he dared to demand even just one of the blankets for himself.

he didn’t, though, laying down on his back next to you as he watched your incredibly tiny-looking face peek out from the blanket cocoon you’d built for yourself.

“come sleep here and you can keep them both”, he offered, patting his stomach to let you know where ‘here’ was - on top of him.

he didn’t need to tell you twice, the cocoon that was more blanket than girlfriend shuffling its way on top of him and only changing its cocoon conditions to also cover him in the blankets rather than having them folded in underneath your stomach. his body heat was a good substitute for the warmth you now lacked from the blankets, though, and his arms holding you tightly had you decide that this was better than just a blanket cocoon.

“you’re hot”, you told him, nuzzling into him for more comfort, but of course yunho couldn’t help but comment on your word choice.

“i am? i thought you wanted to sleep, but if you have different plans…”

“shut up or you’re sleeping on the couch”, a threat both of you knew you wouldn’t actually make a reality, but it did its job.

“okay”, he chuckled, “we’ll just sleep.”

“mhm”, you hummed, rubbing your cheek against the soft fabric of his shirt that still smelled a little bit of fast food, but it was okay.

“goodnight, love. and thanks for the happy meal, again.”

“night. and this was a one-time thing.”

it really wouldn’t be, but it couldn’t hurt to try. though you didn’t actually know if he replied anything to that, sleep dragging you into the land of dreams at a speed of 200 kilometres per second. all you were able to still, half subconsciously, perceive were his warmth and his soft, strong arms around you.

the next morning you were still in the same position, his breath steady and even underneath you, although his arms were wrapped a little less tightly around you, only his hands still on your back as the rest of his arms had almost entirely slid off while both of you were asleep. you really didn’t want to wake him up, but he looked so peaceful asleep like that that you couldn’t keep yourself from kissing him, and as if he was an action doll and kissing him was the little power button his eyes fluttered open, looking at you with sleep still evident in them, but the sleepy pout on his lips turned into a smile anyway.

“morning.”

“morning, sleepyhead”, acting as if you hadn’t woken up maybe two minutes before him. he didn’t need to know that, though.

“slept well?”, you asked him then.

“mhm. you? warm enough?”

“yes”, you told him, kissing him again right after, “thank you.”

“no problem.”

his arms moved back fully around you as he held you close for a little more, until his body had fully realised that it was time to be awake, at which point he asked you if you wanted to go get breakfast.

you hummed in approval of his idea and both of you attempted to free you from the blanket cocoon, and once that was done you made your way to the kitchen, though the tv in the living room caught your attention first.

“we forgot to turn it off last night”, yunho said, surprised, as he remembered that you had in fact never cared to turn the tv off, thinking you’d continue the movie after going to mcdonald’s - something that obviously hadn’t happened.

“we did”, you replied just as surprised, but then surprise turned into content as you smiled at the memories of the previous night, all the cute kisses and hugs and teasing that always made you so happy, even when you were exasperated in the moment.

“do you think we’ll ever be able to finish an entire romcom?”, you asked him then, still smiling.

“probably not.”

[zamisriza-the-resurrection]

Staying up for bangbangcon did something weird to me if you're wondering why I'm not myself today (or active)

For contex: I like BTS. They had an online marathon of four concerts that lasted for about 11 hours. Thing is, it started at 10pm for me, yesterday. I woke up at about 6:30 am that morning because my body is stupid.

So basically I stayed up over 24 hours and now my body refuses to feel tired or sleep. I took one very short nap (like an hour and a half at most) cause I forced myself to but my body woke me up

Funny enough, I was actually tired last night from 11pm - 3am then the exhaustion wore off and I haven't felt it since.

I feel wrong and like something is off all the time now.

But the thing is

They are doing a second, different marathon tonight too. This means more likely than not, I'll struggle tonight too and it'll probably be worse cause I didn't sleep normally like I did the night before yesterday unless I find a magical way to make myself sleep like, right now

Side note: I know I shouldn't be doing this to myself but BTS is one of the few things (like I can make a list on a sheet of paper few) that make me happy these days and I want to experience the wonder of said concerts for myself too.

Besides, either way, I haven't been myself lately anyways, so why not just say fuck everything and just do what makes me happy or at least content enough that I want to stay here you know?

I have a lot on my mind you can tell I haven't slept I should sleep but I can't

[prqltothesql]

Entry 081719

Weird week. 

I skipped therapy on Monday because I was planning on taking the day off work and doing something fun. I didn’t ask off because my manager was gone the week prior and back on Monday so I didn’t want to/couldn’t take off. Monday wound up being bad because Rachel kept Ty downstairs that night and he woke up and was wandering around. Our other dog Wolfie barks everytime he moves because he thinks Ty’s gonna steal his stuff, when Ty is oblivious and barely knows what’s going on and where he even is. So he got down at 2am and started wandering around and Wolfie started barking and then Ty started barking and they woke my dad up. And apparently Ty did this thing he’s done a lot recently where he poops, and then because he can’t sit still or go lay down, he winds up pacing back and forth and walking in it and grinding it into the carpet. So my dad came upstairs to just a ruined carpet at 2am. So he barely got any sleep. I woke up and came down to that mess and just decided to shampoo and clean the floor before I got going that morning. From there, the rest of the day and week was very quiet. I left the house very late and decided to try and find somewhere to go and get breakfast and watch wrestling, cause there was a big NJPW show that morning. I wound up going to Brandywine Creek Park right outside of Wilmington and then cutting over and driving up Philadelphia Pike all the way up to 202. I’ve literally never been up that far, and it was such a quaint cute little drive. So much stuff up there. The whole time I was listening to The Who doing Tommy Live at Leeds. I’ve been obsessed with Tommy because my dad did the Overture as his latest recording project. Nothing else really to report about the day. 

Tuesday, I woke up with the idea to go to Middletown’s rehearsal first thing in the morning because they needed help setting up their sound system. But as I was waking up and going through my routine, I noticed the neighbor lady out cutting her grass. I knew it was going to rain and the grass needed to be done, and I didn’t want my dad to do it, so I got out first thing and buzzed through the front and backyard grass before I left. I didn’t mind too much. Was good empty stomach cardio. And my little dog was out in the backyard with me being good and keeping an eye on me, so it wasn’t bad at all. After that, I went down to Middletown to visit and give them Gatorade (a classic front ensemble instructor move). It wound up being a super easy fix for their sound system, took me about an hour. But it was nice seeing everyone and everything again. Saw Drew, Jaron, all the kids. They were a little sad I had to leave, so I started trying to make plans to come back next week for a few days. I drove out to the field to see the band director. The last time I’d had any communication with him, I sent him a letter quitting. The way I quit, I just wrote a form letter saying I quit. Didn’t say I wanted to quit. Basically gave nobody the chance to convince me otherwise. And he jabbed me first thing, which I didn’t totally appreciate, “Well if it isn’t Mr. Form Letter himself.” Ugh. So anyways, that was nice. Then I realized I forgot my wallet at home. Of course. So I went home during lunch break and then went home, and then ran out again to get something for dinner. I ran allllll around that day, it was crazy. Nothing else really again to report. Dad was fine, dogs were fine. 

Wednesday was another weird day. I wanted to make dinner that night, so I left from work to go to the store, but hit traffic so I got home late. By the time I was done cooking and putting everything away and getting everything settled, it was like 8:30 before I finally sat down. They told us at work we’re getting an interim CTO to help with stuff, which is like the 3rd or 4th attempt to do something to fix our department. I’m hoping things get solved soon. I don’t want to quit. I really don’t. I don’t know how I’d fare elsewhere, because I can’t leave here, I need to stay here and keep supporting my family. But from what I’ve heard, there’s nary a market for developers in this area. I think things will pick up at work soon enough. 

Thursday was another weird day lol. Dad seemed okay. It was another day where I’d planned to cook. I wanted to do cheesesteaks because the Eagles played on Thursday. But then I started making them and my dad said that he didn’t want one. That was kind of strange. So I made them and he went to bed around the same time I did. We both didn’t feel good Thursday. My dad said, and I agree, that I probably have high blood pressure because if I start doing something, I start sweating. And I think it’s just because of stress. I stress about everything. Around the house, every single thing I do, I have to hurry up and do before dad sees and goes off. Quick aside, when my stepmom lived here, we would go on day trips all the time to Hersheypark, the beach, etc. So that meant leaving all the animals at home all day. When we’d come home at 11pm-1am, after a 2 hour drive home, we’d tell dad to stay in the car and we’d run inside and start cleaning up the mess that the dogs had made because if he saw it, he’d lose his goddamn mind and start screaming. He brings that up and makes it seem like it’s a slight against the animals, when it’s him who has the temper of a child. So now it’s like, if there’s a mess or a problem, I have to try and fix it quietly and with no emotion before he sees or finds out and it becomes an issue that turns the entire house upside down. So for whatever reason Thursday, I just didn’t feel good. So I went to bed very early. Also Thursday, I stopped by the other school I used to teach to drop them off a case of Gatorade. I was way more nervous for there, but they were nice to me and seemed to miss me. 

Friday was a plain day again, no real issues. Had a good day. A wrestling show I really wanted to go to had tickets released at noon and I almost forgot but on my way to get lunch, I remembered and managed to grab a ticket before they sold out in an hour. I ordered pizza and a salad for him for dinner. Things seemed well. 

Then this morning happened. My dog woke me up in a manner she hasn’t in a while. When my dad used to take my sister to school, 9 times out of 10, he’d wake up screaming and yelling and when he took her to school, he’d be screaming and yelling and slamming things and banging around and if my dog heard that, she’d run and jump on my bed. She never gets on my bed while I’m on it except for when he’s yelling. So she did that. I thought for a second it was because she was thirsty or had to go, she’ll do that too, but this was different. So I went downstairs to my dad shouting about the dogs, cleaning up dog shit off the floor. My guess is that he took his dog upstairs, cause we let the dog sleep with him instead of me last night, and he was impatient because it was first thing in the morning, so he brought the dog upstairs and locked him in the laundry room and then the dog shit everywhere. So I cleaned up and took the dog upstairs. I was going to vacuum the pool but there wasn’t enough water in the pool so I had to fill it. So the rest of the day was calm. Dad said he felt weird all day, so he took a nap. Seemed to be in a fine mood. Around 6 or 7 I went out to do the pool to find he was out there and had already done it. Of course. Even though cleaning the pool kills his back, he did it anyways. I helped him finish up and brush. Then he came in (and I knew this was gonna happen to) and started screaming at my sister. Like really nasty. Being really really mean. Luckily in his rage, he didn’t swing to me. I came in and washed my hands and then went upstairs and changed my shirt and just closed my door and sat in my room listening. Like, this wasn’t the nastiest he’d ever been, but it was pretty nasty. And all things considered, nothing he said was wrong. She doesn’t have a job, isn’t even trying to do anything, spends literally every waking moment on her phone, fucks with the dogs too much, doesn’t listen to anyone, doesn’t try to get better at anything. But god, he was just so mean. When he has his bad days, he’s just the worst. 

So I went to the store to try and get it off my mind. Bought some stuff, came home. Things have been quiet. I just wish that we weren’t all sitting on this damn time bomb. 

[bdamantherapper]

BDaMan’s Show Log (6/23/2017-6/24/2017)

*The following events take place between Friday, June 23rd and Saturday, June 24th.* Friday 12:01am - As Show Day has finally approached, it's time to start logging the events and work my way towards getting in that zone for tonight's show. 12:15am - As I usually do each day around this time, I decide to check my "On This Day" on Facebook. Found a lot of stuff relating to the "Here's The Man" release in 2013, along with a bunch of show stuff from past years. The most interesting part I discovered was that Facebook reminded it that it had been four years since B.Allen and I became Facebook friends. For anyone who knows my history real well, you'd know that obviously I've known B.Allen and Jabri way longer than 4 years. I'm assuming there was a short time period in 2013 (for whatever reason) that B.Allen and I weren't Facebook friends. All of that aside, I'm reminded that as the end of June approaches, it marks the 16 year mark that I've known B.Allen and Jabri. (Short version of the normal version of the story: Met them in late June 2001 at my Grandma's place, their mom married my dad in 2004) I'm reminded that the people you meet in life can be minor or major, depending on how the natural flow of life goes. If you would've told me a year prior in June 2000 that I'd be pursuing music heavily with someone who not only has the same name as me (with a different spelling), but someone that would be a big brother to me - I would've been so confused, to a point where I don't believe it. 12:38am (cont. from 12:15am): Since 2014, I've done full 30-45 minute performances (also known as sets) with B.Allen and prior to that, full performances with variations of the New Life crew, one exception being June 2009 at The Beat Coffeehouse. Tonight's performance marks the first full solo performance of mine since the 2009 one. B.Allen and I had a mutual understanding days ago that he wouldn't be able to perform with me for this show. I'm not taking it as hard as I once would have, it's hard to go from that transition of having someone with you on stage all these years back to solo performances. As they say, though: "The show must go on." 1:05am - Only in my house can I watch my mom watch "Orange Is The New Black" while I watch "The Bernie Mac Show". The way our house is set up, I get the best of both worlds. 3:05am - Night #2 of looking at TV Tropes of various shows. TV Tropes are officially as interesting as samples in music. 4:35am - Still not completely tired yet. Thank goodness for Melatonin and "Hey Arnold!" It'll take its course soon enough... 9:54am - With the help of some foolproof alarms, I managed to wake up when I needed to. With how long today's gonna be, I didn't wanna waste any time. 10:01am - Can't go wrong with The Price Is Right! Now just gotta decide if I'm having breakfast or lunch today. 11:22am - After a fair amount of promoting the show, I've decided on having lunch. Can't let the hustle of promoting delay the day. 12:17pm - Now that lunch is done, it's time to get some practicing in. 12:41pm - I really hate how any form of text communication can be misconstrued. I often can read through it, but sometimes, there are people who just come off so passive aggressive. Put some respeck on your texts to me. 1:24pm - Time to get some practice in! 2:12pm - My solo practice is cut a bit short, as I had to call Tony back (imagine Frank Gallagher, but a bit shorter and slightly more sane) to check in with him and see how he's doing. Convos with him always remind me to never take myself too seriously and to never take any disrespect. 3:02pm - Gotta get ready for the final practice with the Gazda band, prior to the show. Here comes the long part of my day. 3:43pm - Cos lets me know that he'll be here to pick me up shortly. I feel like it took us a long time to not only do music together, but a long time for us to do shows together. It's something we've talked about since we worked together at Walgreens. To put it in perspective, it's about 5-6 years in the making. 3:58pm - We've arrived at Dave's place to get the final show practice in before the show. I also finally get to meet KJ and Blair, two very talented musicians who will be involved with tonight's set. 4:56pm - Practice is sounding awesome with everyone here! Can't wait to see everyone's reactions to the set. 5:43pm - Practice is complete! Time to pack up shop and make the travel to Nomad. Shout-out to Blair for the ride. 5:53pm - Had a chance to listen to my recordings from the practice before we left. It was dope hearing just how well my songs meshed with the Gazda stuff. Shoutout to Dave for hooking that up. 6:07pm - For the first time since November 2015, I have arrived at Nomad! A tad earlier than I expected, but oh well. 6:36pm - A nap might've been a smart idea. I'm tired as a mug. I shouldn't have trusted the alarm tones of "Morning's Here" from Friends, a Jadakiss laugh compilation, a Kanye noises compilation and a compilation of Big Sean saying "Oh god!" It got me up, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be staying up haha. Godspeed. 6:54pm - Ran into the homie, Kama here at Nomad World Pub. Hopefully gonna link with him on some shows and music. 7:05pm - My all-time favorite James Brown song, "The Payback" is on right now.  I'm containing my hype haha. Mitch (one of Dave's roommates) is spinning the classics right now! 7:09pm - The OG is turnt about "The Payback" right now. 7:43pm - Only in my lifetime can I just witnessed a "Happy Vagina" be drawn. Somewhat doubles as an happy avocado haha. KJ's artistry at work! All for the love of Planned Parenthood, y'all. 7:48pm - Just found out about 7 minutes ago about all the set times. I go on with Gazda at 10:45. 7:59pm - Aw, shit! "Flashlight" is playing!! For those who don't know, that is my favorite song of all time. 8:23pm - These fries are tasty as hell, though!! Shouts out to Sarah for sharing her fries. Chronicles of a Broke Rapper. 8:33pm - First time in the Green Room since the first Culchr Showcase from November 2015. So many memories plus thoughts racing through my mind. 8:47pm - Before I left the Green Room, I saw an old Culchr sticker we put down there. It felt so symbolic to see that, despite not quite feeling the Culchr surroundings love today. No Alex or B.Allen with me for this one. However, I hear "Juicy Fruit" by Mtume and it makes me feel better. Most specifically, the sampled vocals that Biggie interpolated for "Juicy". 8:59pm - Just heard the sample for "Looking At The Front Door" by Main Source. I believe Cos is DJing at the moment, not sure. On another note, it's dope that it's still pure daylight at 9pm. 9:16pm - Had to grab the portable charger quick. As I came back up and outside, I ran into the big homie, Carnage. Last time I saw him was at our Club Underground performance in November 2015. It's gonna be interesting taking the stage after his band performs. That's a mighty name to follow when it comes to the lyrics. 9:28pm - Cricket and Bernard are the emcees of the night. They seem like naturals at it. This is gonna be an interesting ass night. 9:31pm - Wild Age is up. This is the band that Blair is also in. They have a good 90s type rock sound. 9:51pm - Well then...looks like we're after Wild Age. Time to speed up the flip of the switch! 10:03pm - Apparently, we aren't next lol. Cos told me that Everything's Been Taken wanted to trade, but then retracted said trade after realizing they were already in the spot they needed to be in, set wise. Total tactical error. On a side, "We're on the move...nothing can stop us now! FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW!" 10:31pm - Everything's Been Taken (Carnage, Laura Lou and Soul Beautiful) are up. I expect nothing less than dopeness here. They don't call Carnage the "Show Stealer" for nothing! If you add Carnage to an eclectic of musicians, there's minimal room for error. I'd like to also add that on the local scene, Carnage has been a driving force of inspiration for how my style has morphed. Ever since him and Desdamona came to my Poetry class in Senior year, I've been finding ways to carry that growl in my vocals while having some fun with it. That's about 7 years of me taking notes, sure ain't stopping now. 11pm - Got my drink tickets from Cos finally. Time to drink this Surly Hell. Still blown away by Carnage's performance of "MN Mean". Goddamn!! 11:15pm - Everything's Been Taken is on their final song, meaning that Gazda and myself are next! Now, it's time to flip that switch very soon. 11:21pm - Had to give Carnage props on the dope set. Told him how he's been an inspiration since 2010 and he told me how I was doing good to represent for the big men by having energy on stage. Man...my jitters are kicking in fast! 11:50pm - In the words of Sting, "It's SHOWTIME!" Saturday 12:21am - Wow! That turned out doper than I ever imagined!! Got some good props from a good chunk of people, especially Carnage himself. Even the OG from Louisiana gave me props. He was shocked as hell that I went the whole time prior to the show without saying anything about performing tonight. I still gotta work on the whole not losing the voice thing, but I pulled it off decently enough with some "change in mid-stream" mannerisms. 12:35pm - Shoutout to Sarah and Shane for letting me get a slice of their pizza. Hedgies Pizza, that's a major key! Shout-out to KJ as well for her very, very talented vocals. Shout-out to Dave for doing his thing on the bongos, as well as Blair for the keyboard and guitar - so dope! And of course, shout-out to Cos for getting it all together and having me involved. I have a feeling this is the start of a great musical relationship. 12:53am - Big shout-out to Blair for the ride home. Saved a young brotha some time. Wish I could've stayed to see Ayvah, but my body was telling me to get home for sleep. 1:10am - "Back to my palace, cause I suffer Morning Madness!" 1:45am - I'm about to slay these hot dogs and get ready for the decompress portion of the night. 2:52am - Catching up on Beat Shazam with my mom. At least this keeps me hype about music. 4:20am - As I watch "Malcolm & Eddie", I reflect on the day as a whole. Very, very few negative moments and a whole lot of positive moments (even some unexpected positive moments). A truly glorious day. I never understand how I manage to have so much energy after this much time has passed. One of many of my life's mysteries. Until the next show log, this is BDaMan - closing it out!