#I swear to GOD the middle section of this book is truly trying to kill me

[essektheylyss]

tfw a song is almost perfect for writing purposes but doesn't quite match the precise tone of the current section so you have to sit there and decide what the precise tone even is and then figure out what fuckin song to listen to.

[saintqueer]

On Being 13

by saintqueer

Date Written: July 2019

CW: brief mention of an eating disorder

I will be posting a series of old creative nonfiction essays I wrote in 2019-20 every Friday and tagging them #a saintqueer original. Some might be a little outdated but I'm getting my feet wet in the experience of sharing my own writing again. Hope you enjoy! My inbox is always open.

Your name is Jordan. It is 2006 and you just turned 13. You are officially a teenager. Not a preteen. Nor god-forbid a tween. You’re in eighth grade at middle school in the Bay Area suburbs and you just got your first cell phone. It’s a silver LG flip phone without a camera. Modern social media has been born but is not yet widespread. Myspace and AIM are still the name of the game. And your friend’s Top 8s are literally worth crying over. You buy songs you like on iTunes for 99 cents. Songs like Far Away by Nickelback and Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood. That is, until you wizen up and start using LimeWire in 2007. By that time, you’ll think your tastes much improved. You’ll illegally download songs like Buy U a Drank by T-Pain, Wait For You by Elliott Yamin, and everything Chris Brown puts out. Every single feeling you have is so large it’s like it has the potential to kill you. Weird shit is happening to your body. You started puberty early but it shows absolutely no sign of stopping. Things just seem to be getting weirder and more emotional. You cut your own side bangs and they look hella cool.

Ok, let’s pause there. I’m gonna go ahead and break the fourth wall here. Reader, I was planning on doing this entire piece as a kind of immersive second person experience. But. I. Just. Can’t. It’s too hard and writing about being 13 is difficult enough. I think that intro was enough to get you in the right head space of Jordan circa 2006-2007.

Over the last year, there has been more truthful explorations of the adolescent experience in media than ever before. With shows like Pen15 and Big Mouth and films like Eighth Grade, I feel like for the first time I’m starting to come to terms with my own adolescence. Being 13 is really fucking hard. And 13-year-olds get such a bad rap when, honestly, they’re just trying to do the best they can with all the shit they’ve been thrown.

I first felt compelled to write this piece when reading a section of a book from my favorite podcaster, Karen Kilgariff. Karen describes a lecture series she went to in which one of the presenters made a case in defense of 13 year olds. Karen writes that being 13 “is the hardest age you ever have to be because of all the chemicals and hormones constantly raging through your body. It’s like you’re being drugged and then woken up with speed on a daily basis. All social structure implodes and resets itself in a totally unfamiliar way. You’re simultaneously the oldest version of a child and the youngest version of an adult, so you don’t belong anywhere. You don’t get babied, and you don’t get respect.” Basically, it fucking sucks!!!

At 13, my eating disorder was already in full swing and my body-dysmorphia-riddled brain had no shortage of reasons for why my life would be so much better if I weighed 25 pounds less. They would weigh us in gym class, one by one, and assign us our BMI classification (mine was “overweight”). I was constantly dieting, with resounding approval from family and peers; starving my growing body of whole food groups and then binging. My school used to sell these pizza hot pocket things in plastic wrapping called pizza sticks (they were so DELICIOUS). One time, I found an unopened and still-warm pizza stick on the floor next to a garbage can. Wildly hungry from my meager carb-less lunch I picked it up off the floor and shoved it into my mouth, facing the wall, in as few bites as possible so no one would see. OFF THE FLOOR…OUTSIDE. I think it was on a pile of leaves and other trash (though unopened, it was slightly flattened on one side so it might have been stepped on?). This is actually the first time I’ve told anyone that I did that. Blogging is fun.

I was truly beginning to understand that my body was a commodity in society. I couldn’t take up space as a girl and to be beautiful was to be frail. My body was a sexual thing but I was not allowed to be a sexual being. Boys were the horny ones, not girls. But boy, was I! The thing was I couldn’t tell anyone, only the bathtub faucet could know. This was heightened all the more by my church and my faith. Youth group taught me the importance of dressing modestly and how we had to do everything within our power to help easily tempted boys remain sexually pure. I had so much shame that I had any kind of sexuality at all.

A majority of us wanted to fit in when we were 13. And I wanted it desperately. It’s not necessarily that I wanted to be cool, it’s more like I just wanted to belong. I wanted to have best friends. I wanted boys to have crushes on me. I wanted to be wanted. And it never happened for me. I didn’t develop deep lasting friendships until my late teens. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21, for god’s sake. My friends at 13 were changeable and excluding. I felt like I was constantly vying for their approval and as I entered high school in 2007, my social life became the center of my world.

Admittedly, high school felt much more enjoyable than middle school. I had established my place in the cool crowd and shirked academics. I stopped listening to Christian Rock and started listening to Lil Wayne and learning how to twerk. I cut class with a friend to straighten my hair with my hot pink straightener in Starbucks. I got in trouble with the cops for underage drinking. I got better at actually starving myself for a few days at a time instead of just dieting. I was significantly better at swearing. However, every single thing still felt like the biggest deal ever and it felt like it would always be that way.

Now, over a dozen years later, I hardly ever think about how it felt to be 13. I always forget that I “fell in love” with a boy named Alex at church summer camp who I saw from afar five times and talked to once for two minutes. It’s hard to believe now that I wrote his name in sharpie on my converse sneakers and sang I Drive Myself Crazy by *Nsync while crying and staring directly back at myself in the mirror.

This might seem unforgiving but I feel like the one redeemable thing about being 13 is that it doesn’t last forever. It ends. You grow and you change and you work through your trauma. If you’re lucky, you get better friends and you go to therapy and do some healing over ten years later by watching tv shows and movies that remind you of every painful feeling. Then you look back and laugh. You laugh at that school dance where Peter said he’d never, ever slow dance with you. You laugh at the school dance less than a year later where you grind provocatively on a dude you don’t know to Get Low by Lil Jon and the Ying Yang Twins. You laugh (hysterically, I might add) at eating that pizza stick off the floor. You laugh at smoking weed for the first time using a plastic water bottle your friend somehow turned into a shitty bong. You laugh at shoplifting your first thong from Ross. You laugh at your self-cut side bangs. You laugh and you laugh and you laugh and then you, finally, move on.

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

Coffee shop au pt3

Section two of four

Leaving his streets out into a clearing the first drops of rain started falling, tall black iron lamps with glass cages keeping their little flames alight adding a glistening sheen to...wait where was he, this place did not seem quite right, eerily silent, no one else traversing these roads and walk ways, there should have at least been someone...ah there was, while not visible he could still sense them.

Walking on into the middle, the cold tears falling from above soaked his clothes, how endlessly they fell, with a slight bow of his head they poured off in small streams splashing into a nearby puddle, wings sprouting from between his shoulders another swell of pride recalling how he'd educated himself on body manipulation, learning through books in libraries before being banned from them to, barely sheltered by fragile ebony bone and thin crimson membrane...well he had not had the chance to learn how to make them stronger but to have them was wonderful.

So this was it, the moment before his storm, it would be highly disappointing if they were quick, he would not give them any satisfaction though, he would not cry and plead for his life, the footsteps were coming up behind him, disgusting, there were not going to even face him as they did the job!

Silence and nothing...well not nothing, the rain had stopped drowning, looking up to see an umbrella in bird of paradise colours, bird not flower mind you, its inside that brilliant blue with a black outside, turning his head to look at his side he found himself midway to this creatures waist...what the, tall demons were of the norm sure but even this was tall for a ...Legion's more...Earthly form.

Legion...the Legion's son!

Literally looking at him could get you a death sentence if you were not of a certain class,so he'd heard, he did not exactly believe rumors but it also would not surprise him, well he was already going to die, so he looked and even if he wasn't to be offed he would have looked, it was hard not to with eyes that were so undecided in their hue of what blue they should be that they seemed to have a subtle constant change, scowling he wondered what this idiot tree was looking at.

"What do you want , come to mock me before taking me out?"

Well that was odd, watching as pale ears , pale as the rest of him drooped a little, a small smile on those scarred lips...someone had done that to this demon...must've been a young age no one would stand a chance with his age now.

Oh ho that had Black Hat growling, fangs bared, akin to a wounded animal cornered and ready to fight for their last breath.

"On the contrary, I have heard great things about you."

"Do not insult me before death, I deserve better than that no matter how much you may deny it!"

He was prodding at his chest snapping

"I do not fear you and I know what you pompous bastards think of me, you are no doubt here to snub out my life, so stop wasting time and make sure my body is so vile that people scream at the wreck you leave or I swear I will haunt you for all your days."

The Legion Demon raised a brow, shaking his head , kind smile only growing

"First of all do not lump me in with those moronic creatures, they vex me beyond compare, you really are everything wonderful I have heard , ambitious, eager to rise above the station the world shoved down your throat-"

He bowed introducing himself as Acylius Flug, Hat actually fell silent as Flug continued

When Acylius raised his head from the bow they were face to face, silent, Black Hat's mouth hung open before he grabbed the Legion, pulling him in by the lapels kissing him deeply, hungry and desperate until he heard a voice calling him and realised that had only been a momentary fantasy...oh god damn it..what was he thinking!

"I love already that you will not attempt to kiss my ass, I truly appreciate the company of those who are not afraid to speak their mind."

"Black Hat are you quite alright, you lost focus there for a moment."

He was still quiet, a million things going through his head, drinking in his image , horns smooth clear, shimmering in streetlight, no doubt harder than diamond, protruding from raven hair, dressed in black breeches, riding boots gloves, waistcoat, coat with an inlay of cerulean silk that reached down to just below the knee with a snow white shirt, ruffles of lace at his throat...swallowing he nodded pushing his face away lightly.

"Yes you idiot tree, I am fine, would you please refrain from staring at me so closely."

Laughing softly and apologising, he straightened himself out which was probably a little difficult as he was soaking wet , still holding the umbrella above the smaller being

"I have come here to offer you that chance you so desperately want and deserve, that I also believe you deserve, do you want to be the greatest villain of all time and rise through the ranks?"

Now he was absolutely suspicious, these opportunities were not just handed out for nothing and without thinking pull him back down face level by his lapel pointing his claw tip at his nose, there may also have been some excuse to just look at his face this close again as well but that was beside the point.

Sighing with a huff he nipped his finger and with ease stood back up causing Black Hats feet to rise up off the ground to the point he was on tip toe and made no move to remove him.

"What's the catch Legion son?"

"I did not think keeping me company and keeping honest words would be so terrible that it would be considered a catch, but if you need one that is it."

Letting him go and falling back to his feet, this time he did not look up, he was actually trying his darkening cheeks, so that was it , he literally just wanted his honesty and company, he did not mind his sharp tongue and attitude...they actually liked his personality!?

Finding a high class being who was near on the line for royalty was once in a life time , also no that smile, those eyes and legs had absolutely nothing to do with this nor that deep English accent (I had a lovely friend say they can only imagine Acylius's voice to sound like Alucard's so I guess that's the voice he has XD)

Flug could see there was a myriad of thoughts going through Black Hat's mind and so continued as he lifted Black Hat's face under his chin, he made a point of ignoring the blush as not to make him feel awkward or embarrassed not that this was helping and it wasn't helping Acylius either, who wanted nothing more than to trace his thumb over Black Hats bottom lip.

"First of all you will need to be trained in power and presentation, what you have already done is astounding, but now we will make you the best of the best and together show the world just what you can do and are capable of."

"I would much prefer a quiet life and you want a loud one, being the head of a corporation is of absolutely no interest to me, I would prefer something like a quiet little cafe but alas we cannot have everything we want, I believe you would be perfect for this idea that I have though, you who have seen all manner of being would not discriminate..."

Hat was listening but could the bastard please stop talking and just rip his clothes off and have him right there...please...S'il vous plaît? (please in french)

Black Hat knew two things right now...maybe three.

One his heat was blatantly making him stupid horny for this walking tree.

Two, he could say no and just let some assassin kill him, his story ending here.

Three and absolutely not the least option, follow this high station demon who was offering him the world for a chance at peace in his own and someone who he can could at least be honest with....

Taking the offered umbrella he looked up again as if to say idiot you will get wet..even though he knew Acylius was already drenched.

"It is quite alright, I love this weather."

"Fine when do we start?"

"Soon...tomorrow perhaps, let us stay here a while, I have made the world blind to us and I find the rain so peaceful."

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Kitty at the Garrison

Ok so cross your fingers for me to actually catch up with the other prompts. And yes this is inspired from that one post on tumblr that starts with the same lines. Garrison

“I know what you’re up to and you won’t get away with it.”

“Oh god. I know I’m not supposed to have it in here but it’s so cold outside and I panicked –”

“Wait, what?”

This wasn’t at all what he expected. He was coming back from his tutoring session with Adam, who seemed like the only person who believed that he had a chance of getting into the fighter pilot program, when he saw Keith sneaking around. Keith was the best student at the Garrison and everyone knew it. His test scores were perfect, his flight simulations always passed and he was Shiro’s favourite. He was also stuck up, arrogant and an asshole, at least in Lance’s eyes. He’d tried being nice to him when he first met him and got it thrown in his face. Lance was hurt and tired of getting compared and told how he wouldn’t compare. Some dark part of Lance just wanted to get Keith into trouble. He got into enough of that by himself and was getting in constant trouble for it but he always seemed to get chances. So he went to scare him, maybe get a provocation out of him, but he hadn’t been expecting that response.

He watched Keith undo the top few buttons of his orange uniform shirt and saw a small ginger head poke their head out. It was a kitten.

“Did you see it’s mom?” Lance asked, jumping into fostering mood. His family fostered a lot of cats. The lived near a large colony and would help with TNR a lot of the times. Only when the moms weren’t around or they snuck in the house to give birth there did they take human action and help raise them before adopting them out. “Tell me you didn’t just pick up a kitten without checking to see if it’s mom was there.”

“No, I was outside for hours and I kept my distance. She wasn’t even well hidden so I was sure she was alone but I double checked.”

“Ok, I need to get a better look at her to find out how old she is but we need to get her warm first.” Lance started listing off.

“Wait, we?”

“Yes we. There is no way that kitten has a chance if you’re the one raising it. I’m helping you. Now, do you have a heating pad or something?”

“No?”

“Ok fine. I’ll do it the old fashion way. Come on, my room is empty now. Hunk still has class.” Without even waiting for an answer, Lance grabbed Keith by his arm and pulled him to the dorms. He opened the door to his room, revealing the messy yet well lived in room. The loft beds weren’t made and the desks that were under them were almost just as messy. One loft bed had posters and pictures all around it while the other seemed to be covered in gadgets and cook books.

Lance threw his bag on the desk with the photos and opened one of the drawers to pull out a bag of rice. He also pulled out a can of KMR, kitten substitute, a bottle and a small can have wet food. He also pulled out a package of sock and pulled out one side, pouring some of the rice in the sock and stuck it in microwave. He saw Keith was still standing in the middle of the room, the kitten still curled up.

“Off.” He ordered.

“Huh?”

“Take your jacket off.”

“What?” Keith asked scandalized.

“So I can see the kitten idiot. I need to know how old she is and check if it even is a she.”

“Oh.” Keith undid the rest of his shirt and let Lance take the kitten from him. She felt thin and cold, no doubt from the sudden chill the area was experiencing. She was wiggling in his hands a lot. He didn’t have a scale to measure her she he gently opened her mouth and peeked inside. Her incisors were poking out and he saw the beginnings of canines, so she was 3-4 weeks. A quick peek under the tail proved she was a girl. “Go into the closet and on the floor there’s a tub. Grab one of the blankets in there so she can get warm with the heating pad.”

“What heating pad?”

“The rice filled sock? It’s gonna act as a heat source for her. Luckily, whoever her mom was didn’t leave her really young. She still needs to be bottle fed and there’s a chance she might already go to the bathroom by herself already but we’ll have to wait to find that out.”

“How do you know all this stuff?” Keith asked pulling a blue blanket out of the bin.

“My family fosters kittens. Animals aren’t allowed in the buildings unless service animals but I always have the items ready just in case.” Lance noticed Keith staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just…you usually seem to have nothing better to do than poke and prod at me so I didn’t realise you’d care about this sort of stuff.”

Lance bristled at that. “It might not accrue to you in the mullet head of yours, but I have other things I focus on and knocking you off your high horse is one of them. And another thing, even if I didn’t know how to properly take care of a young kitten, that wouldn’t stop me from trying. So how about you stop judging me and help me.”

Keith looked slightly apologetic and handed Lance the blanket, which Lance wrapped the kitten in and pulled the rice filled sock out of the microwave.

“Now start the kettle, I’ll teach you how to make a bottle. Once she gets warms, she’ll realise how hungry she is.”

Keith listened to Lance’s orders and watched as the hungry kitten downed the bottle of milk.

“Good girl, you were really hungry, weren’t you? Now the question is where the heck are we gonna keep you? Hunk is gonna be back in two hours, 3 if he decides to go sneak into the kitchen and cook something seeing how tonight is taco night. I swear, my family is Cuban, doesn’t really like tacos and can do better tacos than this place. She can’t stay here.”

“Well actually, I have a room all to myself.” Keith said.

Lance rolled his eyes, “Of course you do.”

“For your information, my roommate dropped out of the Garrison. All the other rooms were filled and no new students came in so I have the room all to myself. We can keep her in there.”

Lance thought for a second. “Fine. But I’m still helping to take care of her. I still don’t trust you to do this correctly. And you can’t tell Shiro, he’ll just go and tell Iverson.” Lance demanded.

“I can keep a secret.”

“But you can’t control your hair.” Lance muttered loud enough.

“Excuse me?”

“Pay attention, will you? She still has to be stimulated to go to the bathroom, unless she can do it herself, which in that case, you’ll be doing laundry a lot more. It’s gonna be kinda hard to hide a litter box.”

Keith sighed, like he was wondering what the hell he got himself into.

Keith flicked a wad of paper and watched the 5 week old kitten dash after it. She might just be at the age of wanting to start play but she was catching on pretty quick. Still a bit wobbly though. He still couldn’t believe he was keeping a cat in his dorm. It was a hassle having to rush back and forth between classes and his room to feed her, even with Lance’s help, but he was enjoying it. Even the extra time with Lance. He wasn’t sure if they’d ever truly consider themselves friends but they were pretty close. After the kettle in Lance’s room broke, they had to sneak into the kitchen to get hot water. Which meant Lance having to go and make some sort of fool of himself to distract everyone so Keith could fill a thermos of it. They worked well together surprisingly. Lance was still in charge of taking care of the kitten and he made it pretty well known. Keith just put up with it but Lance did know best. He’d watch Lance play with the cat and cuddle her, gently stroking her sleeping body with the pleasant smile on his face.

Speaking of which, Lance was late. His tutoring session with Adam had apparently been cancelled so Keith thought he’d be over once his classes ended.

There was pounding at his door, which startled the kitten.

“What?”

“There’s surprise inspections going on, they’re heading to our section next. I’d hide your things.” A cadet yelled from outside the door.

Shit. Fuck. Damn it.

Surprise inspections were just how they sounded. Different members of the staff would each take a section of the dorms and search all the rooms to make sure the students didn’t have anything they weren’t supposed to. They’d almost taken his mother’s dagger one time, but let it go when he mentioned it was a family heirloom. However that wasn’t going to fly with the kitten. He scooped up the kitten and hide her under one of the blankets at the end of the bed before shoving all the obvious cat stuff into his bag. The kitten started mewing in confusion but Keith quickly shushed her. Shiro had left a week ago on the Kerberos mission and even though he knew Adam and Shiro left on bad terms, Adam was still nice to him. He was hoping Adam would search his room, he’d understand.

“Inspection!”

Shit. It was Iverson.

With one last shush to the kitten, Keith opened the door, standing out of the commander. The man’s single eye took in the room.

“I should hope I don’t find anything in here.”

“No sir. Nothing at all.”

“Cadet, do you not have access to a broom? The floor is covered in paper.”

That it was. It was the simplest toy for the kitten to start playing with so pages had been ripped from his note books and made into balls. Most of them would end up in places the kitten didn’t want to reach so Keith would just make more.

“I was writing an essay sir. Wasn’t happy with what I was been writing so I tore it from my book.”

“Try not to kill the planet more.” Iverson ordered.

“Yes sir.”

The man walked around the room, Keith following him, hoping there weren’t anymore opportunities for him to get caught. He opened the closet, drawers from his desk and the extra storage containers. Keith glanced up to where the kitten was hiding, glad the blanket wasn’t moving. He might just get out of this. Then of course, Iverson lifted the mattress and the kitten made her displeasure known, loudly.

“What the?” ripping the blanket away, the kitten meowed even louder. Iverson turned to Keith, who looked away.

Shit. Fuck. Damn it.

Lance stood by the door that lead out to the parking lot and watched as a Garrison Jeep pulled in and Adam got out. He didn’t bother waiting for him to come into the building, Lance ran out to meet him instead.

“Is it true? Did they expel Keith?”

“No thankfully not. Luckily your sister pointed out everything that Keith had was to help raise the kitten, so most of the board couldn’t find fault in Keith taking in a kitten to take care of it, especially after the cold front.”

“Did he say who helped him?”

Adam looked confused. “What are you talking about? Keith said he found and raised the kitten himself. Apparently, he fostered kittens before so had the stuff needed.”

Lance was surprised. Keith never told the board he was involved.

“Where’s the kitten now?”

“With your sister. Why?”

“I need you to do me a favour and take me to where Keith is.”

“Why?”

“I’ll explain later. Just wait for me ok?”

Lance ran back inside and tracked Veronica down, where he found her feeding the kitten. She pulled away from the bottle when she saw her other owner though.

“Hey sweetie.” Lance greeted.

“’Sweetie’? Lance how do…wait.”

“I might have been the one to help Keith, but I guess he didn’t give me up for some strange reason.” Lance still didn’t understand why. Ok yeah, they bonded over taking care of the kitten. It’d had might of only been 2 weeks of taking care of the kitten together, but Lance found didn’t hate Keith as much as he did before. They had a few things in common and could actually have a conversation. He still didn’t think it would not be enough for Keith not to give him up.

“Keith said he was the only one involved. He never mentioned you.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, can you help me? I want to take her to Keith. I need to talk to him anyway.”

Veronica looked like she had questions but agreed to help. She signed a pass for Lance to be let off the grounds and packed up the kitten’s things, making sure Lance wasn’t caught as he rushed back out to meet Adam.

“So…last time I checked, you didn’t exactly get along with Keith. How did that change?” Adam asked.

“Well, I found him sneaking back in and after getting yelled at by Iverson that day, I just wanted to get him in trouble. Then I found out he’s snuck this girl in and I knew he’d have no clue how to take care of her. So I told him I’d help and we bonded I guess.”

“I’m proud of you.” Adam said, Lance looking at him in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I know how much you don’t like Keith, even if I do. You could have gotten him expelled but you didn’t because you wanted to take care of the kitten and the fact that you were worried about him tells me you actually care about him.”

Lance shrugged. “I guess so. I mean, he’s not that bad.”

“I’m glad you think so. I think he could benefit from having a friend like you.”

Keith was on the porch of the wooden cabin Adam pulled up. He seemed extremely confused until he saw what Lance was carrying.

“How did you get her back?” He asked, meeting Lance halfway.

“My sister was looking after her.” Keith looked confused. “Communication Specialist McClain? That’s my older sister.”

“Oh. Um, can I?”

Lance let Keith take the kitten out of the bundle he’s kept her in so she wouldn’t squirm during the ride. She quickly made herself at home on Keith’s chest, her claws hooking to his shirt.

“Can I ask you something? You could have told the board that I was also involved, why didn’t you?”

Keith was pretty quiet before he answered. “I didn’t think you deserved to get in trouble. Besides, it would have pushed back your chances in getting into the Fighter Pilot program.”

Lance didn’t think Keith actually had been paying attention when he mentioned that. “But what about you?”

“I get in trouble all the time, this is nothing new.”

“Well, thanks. I thought that since you got suspended for a month, you could take care of her. Usually cats are adopted out at at least 8 weeks and I thought she would benefit staying with someone she knows. I can come by as much as I can.”

“You could get in trouble.” Keith pointed out.

“You’re not the only one who can break a few rules.” Lance answered, a confident smirk on his face.

“I’m sure.” Keith said, a teasing smirk on his face.

Adam couldn’t help but laugh at the scene. Those two, they were like him and Takashi. Maybe when he got back, he could talk things out with him.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #153

UPDATE 153: All the Pieces are Here

Last time Gamzee had completely fooled Terezi, and by extension, me. Yeah, he’s right now beating her with no remorse at all, and it’s awful to see. Yikes. Also, Jane is now asleep but her body, still under control of the tiara, has latched on Aranea like a tick. So let’s continue from there!

Writing this paragraph before starting. I’m predicting there’ll be a minimum of dialogue, the next fifty pages should have lots and lots of images. It’s bound to pass through real fast, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll go for 100 pages.

All these glitches make everything more ominous, in my opinion. It’s as if the world is going to shatter into pieces in any moment. Chances are that won’t happen, but who knows, maybe the end of Homestuck is the glitches making the universe explode. Thanks for nothing, Lord English, destroyer of paradox space.

Because Jake’s death wasn’t heroic or just, he revives, this time without hope powers. He is also right beside Terezi and Gamzee, just...watching. Gamzee continues hitting as hard as he can, dang. I’m kind of glad the glitches are obscuring the situation a bit. Rose, horrified, shouts for Gamzee to stop.

ROSE: Or, wait.  ROSE: Is this some sort of blackrom thing?  ROSE: I certainly hope not.

What the—Rose! This isn’t the time to be wondering if this is an obscure and weird alien romantic ritual! Stop standing there, go help Terezi! Even if it were a black romance thing, I think no one wouldn’t blame Rose for intervening. Terezi is getting her face smashed against the pavement. Anyone would intervene.

ROSE: I am the actual worst auspistice who ever lived.  ROSE: THE ACTUAL WORST!!!

Damn right you are; you’re just standing there! And Jake isn’t really doing much better, he’s just standing there and watching Terezi being suplexed. I know in real life a lot of people stand around and do nothing when they see someone being attacked or anything, so it isn’t something that came out of left field, but this is still rather frustrating to see. Gamzee slams Terezi so hard against the concrete it breaks, and she’s now hanging over the lava. Augh.

Kanaya and Karkaroni arrive right in that moment, finding Terezi in danger. There’s a rather cool sequence of lava seeping into the Skaia in Jane’s fork, and Jake and Rose finally intervene. Jake does it meekly, just asking Gamzee to kindly stop killing Terezi -- ...fine, Jake, you do that – and Rose takes a more hands-on approach, getting her wand ready. About time, Rose! Tge blast misses and impacts near Jake, making him fly away. Karkaroni had enough, he brandishes the sickle and swears to make a fight. Up on the building, Aranea struggles to pick up Brain Dirk’s katana with her psychic powers – no idea how that didn’t vanish away as well -- and then she arrives.

The Condesce is pissed. Oh, gee, who’d have thought that derailing the session like this would make her angry? Haha! Do you have a plan to counter the Condesce, Aranea? Did you expect her to arrive so soon? Everyone who is in the session seems to have converged in one place, this is getting good!

Aaaaaand because Hussie is like that, right when it gets good, it’s time for the so-called main act of Act 6 Act 6.

Oh, jolly. Well to his credit I’m happy it was now and not in middle of the intense events that are likely to happen. Now that’d have been annoying. Better get this Caliborn thing out of the way before things happen here in Jade’s planet! Besides, I admit I’m a bit curious how much Caliborn has progressed now.

Looks like he’s confident enough to mess with the manga book. Why do I have this strange sense of foreboding...again? I have it all the time when it’s about Caliborn, haha...okay, let’s get done with this. What artistic work do you have to show now, bud? As usual, here’s the warning: there’s a chance I won’t have much to comment about Caliborn’s antics. By now, dear readers, you may be aware I’m not a diehard fan of him. By now I tolerate him, but I’m not exactly reading his sections with excitement. Once again, I’m sorry for that.

Looks like Homosuck is getting into its equivalent of Act 5. There are the trolls. Krabkrab, Honk Friend – ‘friend’?! Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Caliborn? – Cape Douche, Smelly Horse Man, Other Guy, and Bull Horn Wimp. Oh, and all the female trolls, too, with no pejorative name other than ‘tha bitches’. Hah! Saw it coming.

The Beforus trolls are just everyone flipped and with a negative color scheme. Yeah, that’ll do...for the five seconds the trolls mattered. All these pictures go to the trash, because Caliborn has something better to show.

Hah! Okay, you got my attention, Hussie. Man Gaka Extraordinare! I’m amused, this may be worth a read, after all!

IT'S GOD'S GIFT. TO "THE YAOIS". MY RESEARCH TELLS ME.

Do you know that feeling of morbid curiosity one feels when one hears about something awful having happened in a video, and one wants to see how bad is it? Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. I really like the giant watermark, though. That’s a good one, Hussie.

Well, to Caliborn’s credit, he has improved a lot from his first drawings, and he followed all the instructions about how to draw manga. Never let it be said Caliborn doesn’t motivate himself to improve himself!

This is truly “the yaois”. Manga Dave and Manga Karkat are here. What they do, hm, well, let’s say they’d both be upset to know how they’re depicted here.

IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, BASICALLY THE IDEA IS. YOU PRETEND THEM TO LOOK MORE LIKE GIRLS. TO MAKE IT LESS WEIRD FOR EVERYBODY WHEN THEY DECIDE TO TOUCH EACH OTHER. 

So that’s the key to draw manga. Haha! I know a handful of people from my school that’d have taken serious offense by that! Always with the finger on the pulse, Caliborn, eh?

Oh god, it’s American Comic Book Superheroine anatomy! We’re doomed. But yeah, other than the improved drawings, it doesn’t seem like this section of Caliborn’s intermission won’t differ much from the rest. Same old, same old, in terms of theme. The gals are dying in bloody ways. Yeah.

“Registered by the government as my legal artistic possession” Caliborn, you liar, there’s not even a government anymore.

SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE RELEVANT. KEEP DREAMING BITCH!

Right. So Caliborn may still have access to the radio tower? He knows what happened in the ghost bubbles. Well, not that it matters that much right now.

Oh my god, Caliborn has an OC.

...that is not what I expected. Dear reader, imagine that this here is what’s destroying paradox space. Imagine the big bad, Lord English, looks like that. Good thing he doesn’t, eh? Yeah, the skull, the hulking figure, and the billiard eyes does wonders when it’s about making someone threatening.

John arrives in middle of Caliborn’s games with his OC, and isn’t happy at all to see Caliborn. Thought so, what after seeing the kind of playing Caliborn does with those bad drawings of his friends.

HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Oh, wow, he’s furious! I admit I underestimated how angry John would be. But yeah, another intense staredown. I’ll just...skip to the end of that sequence of images, thank you.

you're the one who vriska and her pirate pals are all trying to stop! it was you who put all this into motion in some way i don't really understand! which means you're responsible for like a trillion people dying, and universes blowing up, and all my friends getting scattered around and acting like idiots, and my dad being dead!

...huh. Well, that’s certainly...a bold accusation, John, and without anything to back it up, too. If what John said partly influences Caliborn to start doing everything he did once he was Lord English, hah, I wonder how John would react to that. It isn’t too farfetched to have that possibility in mind, I’d say, but if that were true, it’s possible there’ll be a second John to tackle the first one soon.

Turns out Caliborn is saying his monologue loud enough for anyone around to listen! I thought the narration was just text, not that Caliborn was actually saying it. Hah! It’d be kinda endearing if it didn’t come from Caliborn.

And then comes ‘game over. A flash file in Caliborn’s intermission. Um, well, that sounds a tad promising! Flash files are almost always great, I don’t see why this would be any different, Caliborn or not.

I’ll stop for now.

Next update: five updates