#I want some thrandy wine

[lee-pace-yourself]

Say what you like about our ill tempered King, he has excellent taste in wine. Come Elros try it

Haha! Who says elves don't like to get drunk. Look at them drinking Thranduil's wine behind his back and then all passed out in his wine cellar. LOLOLOLOL!

[dontfearrr]

Heard it through the grapevine

sorry guys i been so mia i literally have been in a weird funk but here’s a longer fic for u thrandy lovers and lmk if u want a part 2 maybe???

kisses to everyone, enjoy my elf sluts💋💋💋

Pairing: Thranduil x human!reader

Summary: reader keeps receiving gifts at her balcony, she has no idea where or who they’re coming from, she’s determined to find out…

Warnings: mild spicy content nothing crazy though

Category: fuck idk, fluff/hot n steamy?

Word Count: 2.1k

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“strawberries and grapes this time!”

You shouted out to Tauriel who sat on your bed. She was just as intrigued with these series of gifts you’d been receiving. You both have been trying to narrow it down to who it could be, there was very few elves in this realm who spoke to you but the few that did, didn’t seem interested in you. So they were kind of at a dead end, yet the gifts never stopped.

You lifted the white basket off the floor of the balcony where they always were delivered, somehow unnoticed. You sighed and set the basket on the bed next to Tauriel as you both opened the note together. The thought of having a secret admirer was quite endearing, however it seemed a bit childish almost..but very intriguing nonetheless.

“read it out loud! i can’t do it!” you giggled as you handed Tauriel the note and she laughed with you, sharing the excitement. She cleared her throat dramatically and gave you a slight smirk before looking down at the note and she began to read.

“the grapes of the finest wine, the strawberries of the finest vine. for a woman oh so devine.”

She spoke out in a teasing tone. Your face heated up in embarrassment, these poems were always so corny, but who could be so brave enough to share them with you! “oh my, Tauriel..that is absurd” you laughed and shook your head.

You took the note from her and examined the hand writing, trying to get some kind of idea of who it could be! You thought for a moment, the gears in your brain turning ferociously until you tilted your head and looked at Tauriel.

“grapes from the finest wine…finest vine…Tauriel, arent these fruits from the private garden??” you spoke, picking up one of the grapes, it was bright purple, these were the grapes used to make the town wine. Tauriels eyes widened and nodded, they were in fact from the private garden! well this is something at least. “yes those grapes specifically are kept in the furthest corner, only very few people are allowed in that area” she told you, picking up the strawberries. “these are also from the same area. finest fruit indeed” she sent you a teasing wink and you just rolled your eyes at the elf’s childishness.

“are you able to get me a list of the people who are allowed to enter this area of the garden?” you asked her hopefully and she chuckled a bit, causing you to tilt your head in confusion.

“when i say very few people, i mean very few. grab something to write with.” Tauriel told you and you wasted no time scurrying off to find a quill and paper. Once you returned, you handed it to her and she began writing. you were nervous to see who was on that list, hands fidgeting eagerly as you hovered over her shoulder.

Six names were written on the list, this was amazing news. You snatched the paper from her hand and scanned your eyes over the list, it read:

Thranduil

Legolas

Lesysus

Elrond

Haldir

Aman

You were beyond perplexed. This list only made things even more difficult. The first thing you did was process of elimination. Elrond, he was in rivendell currently. Haldir, who was also with Elrond in rivendell….and that was it.. okay so six to four, not bad. But these were royal figures of the realm! There is no way any of these elves were even close to possible..

You looked at Tauriel who gave you a sympathetic look, she could tell you were stressing yourself out over this.

“do not dwell on it, my friend” she spoke gently, and you sighed deeply, setting the paper on your table and looked out the arched window of your chambers. “this was fun until now” you grumbled to yourself and looked down at the paper once more. “I think i’m just going to give it a rest, it’s clear whoever is doing this doesn’t want to be discovered so i suppose i’ll respect that” you told Tauriel and she quite literally laughed in your face, in a friendly way of course.

“i really love your optimism but we both know you’re not giving it a rest. just sleep on it, maybe you’ll get an idea soon.” she stood from your bed and gently rubbed your arm in reassurance before taking her leave.

You on the other hand, had a plan. A very determined one at that. You were going to do a steak out, spying over the royal garden! How incredibly stupid of you, but if the elf who was doing this was allowed in there, you saw no problem with taking a peek…for the entire night.

It was late now, nearly one in the morning, you decided it was a good time to go and spy on the garden. Tauriel had showed you a way to climb up into the trees to look down upon mirkwood, you figured this was perfect, that’s if you don’t get caught and probably executed. You chuckled to yourself at the thought as you threw on an elven cloak, putting the hood up and dressing yourself in your darkest garments to blend in with the night.

You may have been human but you had lived with the elves long enough to pick up on their gracefulness and swift movements. you swung from branch to branch, getting high enough in the twisting tree, maneuvering until you had a good view of the garden. You were crouched on a branch, quite high enough to go unnoticed hopefully. You hadn’t really thought through how long this would take but there was no going back now.

Three hours had passed by and your legs were beginning to ache so you moved to a simple sitting position, legs dangling off of the tree branch you sat upon. Your head snapped in the direction of the garden after hearing some noise, then you saw a shadow of a figure enter the garden. God damned elven sight, that was the one thing you didn’t have. It was simply too dark to see who had entered the garden, you were squinting and squinti-

“i know you are there, young one.”

A deep voice boomed through your ears and your eyes widened. They could see you? They knew you were there? This is ridiculous! Your mind raced but kept quiet until you heard the voice again.

“there’s really no use in hiding if i’m fully aware of your presence. come down. don’t be rude now.” the voice spoke again, you stared at the dark figure and sighed. Carefully jumping down the tree, landing on the top of the brick wall that separated the garden from the forrest then hopped down to the garden, standing slightly behind the very..tall figure. “i apologize, i was- i was…” you couldn’t even make up an excuse, you just accepted your fate at this point.

“you were spying on my garden? for a very obvious reason that is..” his voice was now VERY familiar to you, your face went white and your blood went cold. You’d just been caught red handed by the king. You watched him lift his arms and pull his hood down and slowly turn around to face you. He wasn’t wearing any kind of crown, not even a circlet. His white hair fell down his shoulders along with his hood and he stared down at you intensely.

“m-my lord.” You began to bow but he held up a hand, halting your movements. You obeyed and stood straight, looking at him.

“i see you’ve been receiving my gifts well. a curious one you are..” he said, a bit of amusement laced in his words. If he was being honest, he was quite impressed with your little idea, however he assumed it was only a matter of time.

“and please, call me by my name” he asked, stepping closer to you.

Your heart had fell all the way to your stomach, Thranduil was your secret admirer? this cannot be. you didn’t believe it for a second. That was until his hands reached up to pull your hood down, revealing you to him. “you are quite breathtaking, even in the darkness.” you could feel his index finger ghost over your cheek, the blood immediately rushing to your face causing you to blush deeply at his simple actions. The presence of the king was usually a lot more intimidating, but this felt almost..intimate?

“why me?” you asked quietly, looking him in his eyes despite it being quite dark, you were still able to make him out clearly.

He let out a low chuckle and dropped his hand back down, clasping his two hands at his front elegantly. “you think because you are mortal, that i cannot pursue you? i’ll have you know, i’ll pursue who ever i see fit..” he told her truthfully. He’s had a fascination for the girl for quite a while, though she had no idea of it.

He brought a hand up to your chin, gently lifting your face up so you can look at him properly, and so he can admire his sweet human. your face was warm and beet red, you were beyond flustered and truly had no idea what to say. “you wish to pursue me?” you asked him with a little bit of disbelief behind it and he simply nodded. God Tauriel would lose her mind if she seen what was happening! Your heart was beating rapidly, his touch felt like a dozen swans on a sweet pond. His thumb swiped over your jawline tenderly, causing you to take a step closer to him. He was more than pleased by this.

“i’ve desired you the moment i laid my eyes upon you” his hand was now cupping your cheek, his fingers threading through the hair behind your ear. “Thranduil..” was all you could muster up. He had you weak in the knees from a simple touch, it was quite cruel really. He absolutely loved the way his name sounded on your tongue, causing him to take a deep breath the calm himself down before he did something he regretted.

“will you have me?”

You placed a hand upon his chest, feeling his breath hitch in his throat as you did so. You slid your hand up, never breaking eye contact, feeling the porcelain skin of his neck as your hand continued higher, allowing it to rest on the back of his neck, your fingers nearly tangling in his perfect tresses. “i don’t want anyone else..” you told him and his caused his grip on you to tighten only ever so slightly. His thumb ran over your cheekbone before he dropped his hand, you were almost disappointed until his hand was now on your waist, pulling you against his own body.

Your body was on fire in this intimate moment, you were crumbling at his hand. He could tell you to jump off of the highest cliff and you’d comply without question. His head lowered down to your ear, his lips barely ghosting over your earlobe. “you keep me up at night, young one..” he purred, you could feel his warm breath against the skin of your neck.

You gasped at this and leaned your head to the side absentmindedly at his action, he took this as a delicious invitation as his head fit perfectly in the nook of your collarbone and neck. His lips connected with your skin, leaving open mouthed kisses to your neck, then unclasped your cloak, allowing it to fall to the ground. his free hand pulled at the material of your tunic, exposing your shoulder as he hungrily continued his sweet kisses to your skin.

“Thranduil please..” you breathed out, the torture was far too much. Your legs were trembling and you gripped onto his cloak as if he was going to disappear. “please what, my love? use your words with your king..” his voice was like smooth honey, melting into your ears delightfully. You wanted to cry out in agony, but refrained from doing so as his lips connected with your collarbone this time.

You couldn’t take it any longer, you gently ran your fingers through his hair and cupped his face, pulling his head back to face you, his eyes were half lidded and filled with lust. Your mouth parted slightly as your breath slowed and you leaned your forehead against his, closing your eyes for a moment. You could feel his breath against your lips, you felt this was too much and decided to take matters into your own hands and you closed the gap, his lips molding perfectly with yours. he gripped your waist a little harder, pulling you flush against him as he kissed you with hunger and passion. You tugged his hair, earning a groan from him and backed him up against the brick wall.

The king had fallen completely under your spell at this point, he was yours…

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Chocolate Surprise - Loki Odinson X Thranduil

Title: Chocolate Surprise

Loki Odinson X Thranduil

Additional Characters: N/A

Requested by Anon!

WC: 860

Warnings: Nothing much, just some kissing, Pocky Challenge, and fluff

Hanging out in Thranduil's chambers, Loki and Thranduil were doing each other's hair, both of them wearing silken robes and jewelry from Mirkwood. Thranduil was sitting on one of the chairs while Loki sat on another chair with his legs tucked under him. The room was filled with music, a mix of instrumental music that sounded like an orchestra of elves playing instruments, magicked up from Loki himself. It was pleasant to listen to. Loki raked his fingers through Thranduil's soft hair, combing it smooth until it was shining in the light coming from the window. Braiding a small section of the Elf King's hair, Loki held the braid in place with a thin piece of leather and tied it off. 

“Done,” He said with satisfaction. “It looks stunning, don't you think?” 

Thranduil looked at Loki and smiled. “I love it, thank you, Loki. Shall I do yours?" He asked and the God nodded, letting Thranduil braid his own hair. 

Thranduil brushed Loki's hair, breaking through any knots and whatnot before beginning to plait it into elaborate braids, weaving it together beautifully. He did it very carefully, taking his time, making sure he didn't mess up any strands or anything, before finishing it off by weaving small green and gold gems into the hair and pinning two emerald clasps to the end of the braids. The gemstones glimmered in the soft light.

Looking over to Loki, he grinned proudly. “There,” He said with a smile. “You look absolutely beautiful.” He leaned forward slightly to kiss Loki on the cheek. As soon as his lips touched him, Loki felt his magic begin to flow through him and out of his fingertips, his stomach filling with butterflies.

“Thank you, my Thrandy,” Loki then sighed happily, before speaking again, "Mmm, I'm craving."

Thranduil's ears quirked up, looking up at his love, "Craving, my darling? What is it that you crave for? Do you want me to ask the cooks to fix you up something? Pudding, cake, bread? Or perhaps Mirkwood's finest wine?"

Loki hummed again, "Mmm, chocolate."

"Ah, yes, choco-" Thranduil paused, his smile turning into a frown, "I, uh, darling, I do not know what 'chocolate' is."

"Oh," Loki looked surprised, "Well, chocolate is sweet, and sometimes it can be bitter, but it's like a treat- a dessert."

"That sounds lovely, my dear, but I have yet to experience such a thing," Thranduil spoke, tilting his head slightly.

"Really?" Loki raised an eyebrow, before using his magic to make a box of chocolate appear, specifically a box of Pocky. "This is Pocky, very common on Earth, in Asia, this is a treat of milk chocolate and sweet… Biscuit." He explained as he opened the box and silver wrapper, pulling out a single stick.

Thranduil narrowed his eyes, taking the stick into his own grasp, "It is so... Puny."

"Yes," Loki chuckled, taking a stick for himself, "I had said the same when I first saw it, but it is absolutely delicious!"

Thranduil watched as Loki took a bite, before he slowly took a bite of his, too. The moment Thranduil tasted the treat, he understood why Loki had been so interested in the sweets. It truly was exquisite, sweet, and refreshing. "My dearest," He began, "This is something truly extraordinary!"

Loki smirked, nodding, "Truly extraordinary indeed. I was thinking of selling it. Taking over Middle Earth one chocolate at a time." He spoke in a demonic voice. They sat there for several minutes eating the other sticks in the box in silence, Thranduil enjoying every crumb and drop of deliciousness. "I want to show you something, my love," Loki spoke up, grabbing another stick from the box. "It is a game. It is called the 'Pocky Challenge.'"

"'Pocky Challenge'?" He asked and Loki nodded. “What must I do?”

"Yes, well, what you do is place one end of the stick in your mouth, and I place the other end in mine. Then we both eat until we reach the middle, and whoever moves away, loses." He explained to the King, offering the stick to him.

Thranduil's fuzzy caterpillar-like eyebrows furrowed together before he took the end of the stick into his mouth, and Loki did the same. Loki took the first bite, watching Thranduil's eyes widen slightly as he took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, loving the chocolatey goodness. They continued, each taking a bite until they both stopped in the middle, their lips only slightly touching. The air between them was electric, but neither moved. Neither wanted to back down. Instead, they kept moving until they met in the middle completely. Thranduil finished the rest of what was left of the stick, pressing his lips to Loki's as the God wrapped his arm around Thranduil's waist, kissing him hard on the mouth. Thranduil kissed back, wrapping his arms around Loki's neck, tangling his fingers in his long black hair. They finally broke apart, breathing heavily. Loki reached up, stroking his hand through Thranduil's straight platinum hair, smiling softly. 

"Do you want to play again?" He asked, and Thranduil gave Loki a smirk of his own.

"Yes, I would love to."

[lathalea]

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The tumblr group The Hobbit (aka the Dwarf Lovers aka The Cult of Saint Bofur and the fanclub of Helicopter Dori) strikes again! This time we watched “The Desolation of Covid” or “Bilbo doesn't know what's going on: The Sequel”.

Remember, you’re reading our silly comments below at your own risk. Oh, and they are NSFW. Sometimes ;)

They hear Beorn's roaring in the background. Thorin: Friend or foe? Gandalf (whispers): ...a furry Dwarves: *internally screaming*

Thorin: *being majestic*

Things get wild at Beorn's. Everyone: Gandalf really needs to stop throwing parties at houses that do no belong to him

The furious bear roars at the dwarves inside Beorn's house. Gandalf (smug mode on): This is our host Dwarves: Fuck Gandalf you've been smoking too much weed again! Gandalf (swag mode on): we are fine

Bilbo plays with his, ahem, ring. Everyone: Bilbo, it's not polite to fondle your things around other people

Thorin: *being majestic, part deux*

Azog and Necromancer at Dol Guldur Azog: I finished my homework Necromancer: Ok now clean your room Azog: but Dad you promised me i can play with my friend

Thorin: *being majestically majestic*

Meeting Beorn, he's pissed at the amount of dwarves Beorn: I'd kill you but the hobbit is cute

Thorin: *impatient brooding* Also Thorin: TIME IS MONEY

More dwarves appear. Beorn to Gandalf: are there any more? Even more Dwarves appear. Beorn: FUCK OFF ALREADY

Galadriel and Gandalf have a long distance relationship. (DID SOMEONE SAY A 'SHIP'?) Galadriel: sends a very long SMS about the evil forces gathering Gandalf: seen

At the border of Mirkwood. Gandalf: oh the forest is scary... OK CYA GUYS!

Dwarves traveling through Mirkwood Everyone: is it smart to let Thorin lead ? Everyone: Guys, do you really want to follow Thorin?

Rain in Mirkwood. Everyone: OH LOOK WET DWARVES Thorin appears on the screen. Everyone: Ah, Majestically Moist Dwarves.

Crossing a river in Mirkwood. Thorin: send the lightest first bc I wanna see Bilbo's cute ass

Everyone is hallucinating. Is it shrooms or did they eat something at Beorn's? When Bombur said brownies he didnt say that type of brownies I tell you, they stole some shit from gandalf! Bilbo: I'm totally high but thorin still looks hot

Thorin *hallucinates majestically*

Thorin tries to shoot a deer :'( THORIN YOU LITTLE BITCH! Correction, you majestic bitch!

Poor Thorin. He misses everithing: the road to bag end, the trail in Mirkwood, the deer, everything.

They got lost in Mirkwood (we're looking at you, Thorin) Thorin: we're going east Everyone: Thorin you don’t even know where east is!

Bilbo is playing with his *ring* again. He’s so uneccessarily sensual with it It's Thorin's fault. He sang once and made Bilbo realize he was gay as hell

The meeting between Thorin and Thranduil. Oh shit now we have the epic fight of the majestic kings... you mean two divas having a cat fight?

Thorin x Thrandy FTW! Thirsty Thranduil looks at Thorin: THERE IS THE KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN THAT I TOO DESIRE Thorin: *glares majestically, trying to hide a blush* Thranduil: *wink* YOU KNOW, ONE KING WITH ANOTHER Everyone: Oh, an arranged marriage! Thranduil: *stares at Thorin* Thorin: *stares back at Thranduil* Everyone: Guys is it me or does Thrandy look like hes having an orgasm

Balin - daddy vibes: WHAT DID U SAY TO THRANDUIL Thorin: I told him he was shitty and I hated his face and HE'S NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. Balin: *facepalm*

Thranduil and Tauriel scene, he says Leggy is off limits. Everyone: Thranduil, dude, you just cockblocked your son!

In the dungeons. You know, they went into the cells fully dressed...so where did all their clothes go? They played strip poker, duh

Wine barrel escape. AQUAPARK TIME! Thorin *majestic even when in a barrel and wet* Bilbo: well i was planning on sharing a barrel with thorin but ok The elvenkings magical barrel ride. Available now at Universal studios.

Kili gets wounded. Everyone: KILI THIS IS NOT HOW YOU GET YOUR ELVISH GIRL TO NOTICE YOU! Tauriel arrives. Everyone: ... or is it?

Kili probably got a boner 4 times since meeting Tauriel. Like 1 time per minute? Yeah seriously their romance is like 5 minutes long.

Gandalf meets Radagast at the Bitch King of Angmar's... whoops Witch King of Angmar's tomb. Radagast: pick a more romantic place for a date next time, it only has 1 michelin star

Gandalf's crazy ass speech about the Nine being resurrected by the Necromancer and the menace they bring Radagast: Gandalf, you junkie! Everyone: Everything would have been easier if you just burned the fucking corpses

Gandalf speaks to Radagast of dwarves: we cannot forsake them

Everyone: You can't forsake them?! Gandalf you have been leaving them alone this entire time!

Thorin: *swims majestically*

The dwarves get to the shore of the river, safe and sound. Where’s Bilbo? He drowned.

A person appears with a bow. Oh look! Bard! Naah, It's Legolas in his pirate phase.

At the shore. Okay real question, where are Bilbo and Thorin in this scene? MAKING OUT IN THE BUSHES

Thorin *being majestic in the background*

Miserable, wet dwarves by the river. Thorin's wet hair: *majestic*

Thranduil's cloak: *swirls fashionably* Thranduil's sass kills people.

Legolas follows Tauriel out of Mirkwood. Legolas: SHIT ADA IS GOING TO KILL ME

Thorin: *wet, tired, pissed but still very majestic*

Thorin stinks with fish: *STILL MAJESTIC AF*

Thorin stares at the windlance and, yes, you guessed it, *brooding. majestically.*

Balin: Don't be such a little bitch, Thorin and take the weapons Bard gave us Thorin: *a majestic lil bitch face*

Flasahback with Azanulbizar. Flashback with Girion and the windlance. Wait a second, is Balins role just to make flashback scenes? Balin is needed for remembering things. He's a data disk, you know... An old floppy.

Dwalin in Laketown: *pissed 24/7*

Tauriel and Legolas with bows, aiming at each other. Everyone: MEXICAN STANDOFF!

Tauriel to Legolas: Mellon Legolas: *broken_heart* Everyone: He's just got mellon-zoned!

Everyone: Look, Thorin fucked up! Everyone else: He's majestic, not smart!

Meeting with the ppl of Laketown. Dwalin: This is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror Thorin: *majestic as assdhsgfgdh fuck* Balin: shit Dwalin it was supposed to be a secret

Bilbo vouches for Thorin in Laketown. Thorin: *stares majestically and lovingly at Bilbo* Everyone: BAGGINSHIELD KISS!!!

Look at the face Legolas makes But it's Bard!

Bofur: He’s sick! Kili: *sick* Master of Laketown: WHERE IS YOUR FACE MASK

Thorin on a boat: *BEING INTENSELY MAJESTIC*

Everyone: It is the crossing of the Delaware! But with dwarves!

Thorin staring at Dale, Bilbo nearby. Everyone: Thorin, you dramatic bitch! Thorin: Look Master Baggins i am so horny right now come and get naked, I'm majestic

Thorin walks past Bilbo and then returns. LMAO WHY HE BRUSHED PAST HIM LIKE THAT TO BE MAJESTIC

Gandalf and Radagast's date at Dol Guldur, continued. Gandalf: are we exclusive now? Radagast: *mumbles* Gandalf: do I have your word Radagast: yes, yes *sigh*

Thorin *stares majestically at the entrance to Erebor* Bilbo: *swoon* Also Bilbo: how close can i stand to you without it looking suspicious that we are a couple

Thrain jumps at Gandalf. Gandalf: ooh i didnt know you were into this kind of stuff, Thrain, kinky! <3

Thrain remembers who he is. Thrain: I had a son... Everyone: YOU HAD TWO SONS JUST FORGET AND ENTIRE FUCKING CHILD AND WHAT ABOUT DIS Took classes from Denethor, did he?

The secret door to Erebor. Last light of Durin's Day. The Company: Where is the key? Thorin: whoops left it at bag end

What shampoo do u use Thorin? Thorin: Thorial Paris

Thorin, defeated: what did we miss, Balin? Balin: *clueless* Everyone: Oh look, Old Floppy has no information. Who formated him?

Bilbo figures out the secret entrance by the moonlight. Bilbo: come back! if I have to open this door myself I swear to god I will murder everyone in this valley

Thorin takes the key: *hot, majestic, very hot and did we mention majestic?*

Bilbo stares at a relief inside Erebor: and what is this thing above the throne? Balin with sad eyes: that's the clitoris, bilbo. none of us have ever seen it

Bilbo: how will I know what to search for? Balin: theres only one clitoris on a woman, you'll know it when u see it... Bilbo: *stares* Balin: *sighs* i get if you're gay and its too much for you bilbo Bilbo: *stares* Balin: Oh Bilbo this is a suicide mission, ok have fun. BALIN OUT!

The necromancer attacks at Dol Guldur. Gandalf takes his wand: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

Sauron: *shows himself, the eye and the flames, you know the stuff* Gandalf: asdfhgdjh Sauron: so this is from my new autumn collection what do you think?

Bilbo walks around the treasure chamber, searching. Clueless Bilbo: clitoris, clitoris... hmmm

Smaug opens his eye. Bilbo: Sherlock, why r u wearing a dragon costume? Smaug: it's for a case, John

Smaug wakes up pissed. Smaug: I KNOW THE SMELL AND TASTE OF DWARF. Bilbo: Oh shit, I should have showered after sex.

Smaug: what r u doing here thief Bilbo: they told me one can find a clitoris here, i did not believe them!

Smaug: you think flattery will keep you alive? Bilbo: well it worked with thorin...

Everyone: SMAUG YOUR SHERLOCK IS SHOWING

Thorin: i will not risk this quest for one burglar Balin, the Old Floppy accessing the data: THORIN YOU WHORE HIS NAME IS BILBO

Hey, imagine the Witch King riding Smaug! Imagine Bilbo riding Smaug. Imagine Bilbo riding Thorin...

Gandalf has a strange relationship with cages. He learned bdsm from the dwarves. All the leather and metal shit dwarves have they are into some kinky shit don’t try and tell me they aren't. Erebor is literally a bdsm dungeon thats why they want it back.

Bard wakes up in a prison cell with a headache. Bard: omg who did i sleep with this time

Thorin escapes from the dragonfire (in a majestic way), his clothes burn. Everyone: This girl is oooon fiiiiireeeee

Dwalin is a fierce warrior throughout the movie. If he was a snack, he would be a protein bar. Smaug scene in the forges. Everyone: GO DWALIN PROTEIN BADASS! Dwalin makes his own protein powder, drinks, and health bars! Available now in a mountain near you.

A ff idea!!! Modern day dwalin gym nut who lives off protein shakes. Who's going to write it?

Thorin hanging in the air above Smaug. Everyone: Thorin is just turning into rock tarzan!

Thorin *majestically swings in the air*

Why is Smaug so cranky? He was Thorin's ex and now he's pissed that Thorin prefers a younger guy with a nice ass, Bilbo.

How do they gain an advantage against Smaug? Three words: Molotov cocktail Balin Oh, and Mario cart - Thorin edition

Smaug demolishes Erebor. Everyone: So much property damage... I hope Thorin has insurance

Smaug: *throws a fit* Everyone: He clearly needs a Snickers bar

Smaug flies away to destroy Laketown. Bilbo: oh fuck what have we done Thorin: its ok, its outside of Erebor, wanna go skinny dipping in a pool of gold?

You are the best group ever! 💙💙💙

@estethell @awkwardly-sitting-in-the-corner @deathlikessodaandpizza @missiemoosie @hopeforthefutre @theresonlyzuul @shrimpsthings @anunexpectedtmblr​

Missed the ‘An Unexpected Journey’ post? Here it is.

And here is The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies.

[indelwen-of-mirkwood]

What Hides Inside

Thranduil x GN Reader Oneshot

Prompt requested by: @lilith15000

why can’t I tag you! What am I doing wrong!

Prompt: How about a scavenger hunt that thrandy throws for his crush, it’s absolute fluff that turns into a heart warming confession and kiss. Lol

A/N: sorry for taking a while, I haven’t really had time to sit down and write, so this spanned over a few days. But given the idea, it’s kind of hard not to write a lot. I’m not sure if I reached your level of desired fluff though...so yea long and my clues suck and the fluff is okay

[[MORE]]

Through the window you could hear the breeze flowing through the dense forest, it’s sound mixing with that of the nearby river. The newly risen sun basked the balcony of your room in a spectacular orange color.

Something about these fresh mornings made you feel better about waking up early, although the comfort of the plush bedding and pillows was just as welcoming. But alas, there were things to do.

You threw off the soft covers from your body, slowly moving yourself to the edge of the bed. As you were about to stand up, a strange shuffling noise came from your door, a swift movement that somehow brought a white envelope onto the floor in front of it.

As confusion and intrigue filled your mind, you carefully got up from the bed. Some natural instinct made your feet move slowly, featherlight, toward the paper. Just as carefully you picked it up, your fingers running across its somewhat rough surface.

As your mind finally came back to proper function, you quickly opened the door of your room, hoping that whoever slid it under was still in the hallway. To your slight frustration not a soul was seen, only the flickering light of the torches that lined the hallways.

Now closing the door behind you, you finally began to open the envelope, noticing the silver floral details on the paper. Inside was another smaller paper, its color that of a clear blue sky. One side was covered by an elegant script, the lines curving perfectly to form the words.

Forget all the worries of today, let your mind escape this world. Here rest all the page turners to set you free.

As your mind wondered, it’s gears turning, you walked around the room. The cold air combined with this interesting note had woken you up instantly. It was so out of place and unexpected that took you a moment to figure out what it could mean.

When realization struck you, you instantly put down the note, rushing to get ready. Like lightning you were cleaned and dressed for the day, wearing something comfortable enough for your mission. Just as fast you ran out of your chambers, letting out a laugh as you held the paper close to your chest.

This clue made sense, it was the library, where you could spend hours reading away stories to escape reality.

As you passed by the servants, carrying on with morning preparations, you slowed down, managing a warm greeting. You did the same with any other members of the court, trying to be graceful and proper while your heart was thumping in anticipation.

Only once you reached the library entrance, decorated with twisting branches, did you halt. This was the tricky part, were you supposed to find something? Someone? What were you supposed to do now?

With that you began searching the entrance, your hands aiding the search. With all the movement of your body, you saw something glint in the the dim light, your head turning its way. There hanging on the wooden handle of the door, was a little chain, its silver coating reflecting the light.

As your finger gently grabbed it, taking it off the handle, you noticed that it had another note attached, this one the color of dewy grass. You spared no time, quickly reading this new finding as you laced the chain with your fingers. It was the same writing, easily legible through its elegance.

To glorious song do the stars and moonlight dance, celebrating in graceful movement.

With a content smile you placed the note in your pocket, resting it next to the chain and other paper. The only questions that plagued you were why would someone send you on this little hunt, and who it was. The clues themself were not too complicated, providing hint words that would lead you the goal.

Whoever did this, certainly did not want to trouble you too much, just adding a little bit of mystery and fun. You didn’t mind, a day off was something that you didn’t mind, especially when it came with a surprise.

You headed to the east side of your home, passing the throne room of Thranduil. Suddenly you felt a heat rise up your face, taking a deep breath you tried to make it go away. For some time you had found yourself developing feelings for him. Catching yourself staring into his deep blue eyes. Sometimes your mind wandering to places where it shouldn’t go. He was the king after all, widowed no less, you were not supposed to feel this way. You doubted he would ever feel the same.

The closest you would get to him was the relationship of friends. He was a bit kinder to you then to the rest of the elves, open to speaking to you at any moment. But it hurt your heart, knowing that the time you spend together never meant anything more.

You shook your head, trying to push away the dry throat feeling. With that came back the joy of adventure, your legs leading you to the next place.

The large ball room which hosted the lavish feasts thrown by Thranduil had its own wing. A wide hallway which was decorated in flowers and berries of season led only to that room. The large doors too were decorated, artificial golden leaves and grape vines winding in an intricate pattern.

You never tired at the sight of it, such good memories flowing into your mind. The beautiful voices of the elves ringing in the back of your head, the scent of sweet wine filling your senses. You were about to close your eyes to imagine it all once again, but quickly remembered what you were here to do.

You quickly looked around, hoping that just like the previous time, it was easy to find whatever you were supposed to. Your mind shifted through ideas, thinking where would be the easiest way to hide something, mostly in plain sight.

Yet again your hands traced the growth around the door, eyes searching for something out of place. And there it was, hanging on one of the golden vines, was a small figure of a (y/f/animal). A smile lifted the corners of your lips as you took it in your palm, it’s shape made out of a similar metal as the chain, only about an inch in size.The small details perfectly sculpting the figurine were a sign of great craftsmanship.

Behind where it hang, blending in with its surroundings, was another note, this time made of a luxurious gold paper. Although you spotted it with ease, it definitely was camouflaged.

You read the words on it in a hushed whisper.

In the gardens of the greater good, blossom the joys of life. Plants of passion sprout their leaves, flowers of love bloom their petals.

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly, eyes fixed on the paper in longing. You had always enjoyed the gardens of Mirkwood, flora of all colors always made your heart warm. It was a peaceful place, the only addition you wanted to your walks was someone else. Someone to share the beauty with.

Now in a slower pace, you made your way there. The clues didn’t connect with the areas or object of retrieval, the hope dying inside slowly.

As you approached the stairs that led out to the gardens, you could already feel the comforting breeze, sending slight shivers through the fabric of your clothes. Carefully your hand traced the handrail to help yourself walk up. Strangely enough the stairs were quite narrow, with only enough room for one body, a full grown elf.

The stairs although made of the similar growth as the rest of the palace, were strong enough to hold much weight, even if it was as old as time itself. Slowly, but steadily you began your climb, it wasn’t hard, they were not totally spiraled, but did curve upwards.

Your eyes shut slightly, a ray of sunlight meeting your eye through some of the trees. As you stepped onto the gravel ground, it gave out a satisfying crunch.

You took a moment to look around your surroundings, taking in the growth. Several paths twisted around beds of bushes and flowers, trees proving shade on a sunny day. Sometimes you could catch the sight of a bird or small mammal crossing the area.

Going back to your adventure, you finally realized that now you had a problem. Where in the world were you supposed to look?

With a huff you sat down on a bench, hidden under the long sweeping arms of a willow trees, giving you the perfect line of sight to the marble fountain.

It wasn’t that you wanted to give up searching, but none of the clues provided enough detail to guide you. The garden was just too large and deep to find something.

You closed your eyes, taking your head in your hands as you leaned forward.

“What has you so frustrated today,” said a silky voice as it snapped you up and out of your thoughts.

You met the wonderful eyes of Thranduil, his figure looking as regal as ever. Tall and slender, it was this image that always clouded your vision. The way his hair cascaded down his back, his facial features stealing your breath away.

Quickly you stood up, paying your respect to him, also giving yourself a moment to hide your face. “Nothing that I would want to worry you with,” you begin to say, trying to stay calm, “my lord.”

As he moved closer to you, his face expressing no change, you had to tilt your head upwards, his height still surprising. As he gently placed his hands on your shoulders, leading you back to sit, he spoke once more. “But that is where you are wrong dear (Y/N).”

Sitting right next to you, his fashionable cloaks pooling around him, it was a sight that stopped your heart. But with so much practice you were able to conceal your feelings more or less.

Your head tilted to the side in confusion, unsure of how to respond. Suddenly his hand reached into his outer cloak, your eyes following.

“For this might be the last puzzle piece you are looking for,” he said with a gentle smile. He reached out with his closed hand, opening it to reveal a figurine similar to the one you found earlier, this one in the shape of an elk.

What happened next was too fast, not giving your head enough time to process. It must have been him. What was the meaning of this?

You almost didn’t hear that he asked for the objects you found earlier.

Suddenly you caught a strange glint in his eyes, the way they looked slightly downwards, as if almost afraid to meet yours. He looked so exposed, the way his arm draped around the bench so tensely.

“I only ask that you hear me out, I do not ask for anything in return.” A small flame burned in your chest, you didn’t want to assume anything, but there was hope. Then he met your gaze, a wonderful look on his face that you’ve never seen before. Something of kindness and passion. “It has been quite sometime since we have met, and ever since that fateful day, I have found myself thinking of you more and more.”

On instinct your hands reached out for this, gently clasping them, your voice barely pronouncing his name. “I once thought that no one would be able to see my in the same way you do (Y/N), nor that my heart would belong to someone again. You have brought a light to my life, you made me want to be a better ruler, a better elf, just for you.”

“Thranduil, I-“ you almost said before he silenced you, but not rudely.

“(Y/N), I can only hope that I did not waste your precious time today, for I wanted to simply lift your spirits, and hope to confess this one thing.” You let out a long held breath, your heart pounding after than ever. You felt his hands lifting yours, bringing them close to his chest, right by his heart. “What hides inside is the love I have for you, one that I can only dream you would accept and return.”

His eyes were filled with such hope, one that you had experienced the whole day. It hurt your heart only slightly knowing that he suffered so long. But it was repaired by his other words.

“Oh Thranduil,” you said stumbling on your words as you leaned closer to him, taking him in a loving embrace. Feeling him sink into it shortly after, letting away all the tension. You felt him bring a hand up, stroking your back as he placed his head on top of yours. You heard him whisper unknown words in Sindarin, only imagining what they could mean.

You had to force yourself to pull away, slowly out from his grasp, to face him properly once more. “Thranduil, you are my love, the only one who was ever on my mind.” His eyes closed, a satisfied smile looming. “You don’t know how happy I am,” he said as he looked at you. You noticed his hands reach to gently caress your face, sharing the intimate moment.

With that he leaned in to close the gap between the two of you, sending warmth down your body as your lips met. His were so soft and gentle, carefully feeding off the long waited moment. Soon it turned into one of gentle passion, melting into each other. Your tongues slowly exploring the warm cavern of the other. Your hands holding onto each other for dear life, hoping it would last forever.

When you both needed air, you broke apart, placing his forehead to yours, feeling the closeness of your two bodies.

“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted this.” You said.

“Trust me, I do.” He replied.

Once you remembered the objects you retrieved earlier, you mentioned them to him. Asking what they meant. Without any words, he took them from your palm, placing the two figurines on the chain. Only once he handed it back to you did he speak. “Tie it around the tree,” his slender fingers gesturing to the willow behind you, “It is a symbol of our unity, a courtship that ends in happiness.”

And so that chain stayed there, becoming part of the tree over the many years, growing with it, just as your love grew.

[blankdblank]

Forgotten Pt 3

pt1 - Pt 2 -

Mainly Fluff, delving more into relationship with Thrandy. Bit short and it seems like I might have brushed off Draco in this bit but when the drama picks up he’ll return and it’ll make sense, hopefully.

Tags –

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @abiwim​, @jotink78, @evyiione, @sweetlytenacious25

…

Clutching the end of his sleeves Fili inched over to your side as subtly as he could manage. After your breakfast Thranduil drove you and your Cousin Draco to your shop giving him the full tour as Thranduil headed off to his clinic to help with an issue about the records from his aid that had mixed them up accidentally before returning to your side once again. Taking a closer look at your boat Draco moved away from your side while you caught Fili’s intention and subtly moved a bit closer.

Leaning towards your side feigning reaching for a tool before you he stated, “Not sure if you heard yet, Tauriel sent the pub papers back.”

You nodded, “I did.”

His eyes met yours, “Well? When did you want me to drop it off back to you?”

Your brow rose, “I’m not taking the cash back Fi. It’s Ki’s.”

His hand rested on your forearm at your attempt to step away, “But-.”

Forcing a smirk onto your face you said, “Fi, what about all those designs Ki had?” Fili’s lips parted, “Rattled on about them endlessly for months. Just needed a backer.” Fili nodded, “Well he found one. We all have our dreams we brought back home.” He softly chuckled at your playful smile as you moved back to join Draco, showing him inside the boat and pointing out where everything is going to go before showing him the final designs until Thranduil returned to take you out to the next town over for a full day of exploring then returned just in time for a dinner at the Manor. Around you the Elves sat smiling and laughing through your trading of stories about your various sets of travels lasting until you left for bed once again leaving word with Thorin to unlock the shop at your having to drop Draco off at the airport for his flight back.

.

With a tight hug Draco gave you a peck on the cheek mumbling against your shoulder, “I’m going to miss you Lady Bug. But at least with my new station at Lothlorien we can see each other more often.” Setting you down he smiled at you, “I’m glad you’re safe. When I was there, at the pub-.”

“I know I’m not supposed to interfere, but she had no right to do that to him, take everything.”

Pressing a kiss to your forehead he sighed and met your eyes again with a soft smile, “I was talking about how Thranduil kept staring at you.” Making your smile grow, “You might not be able to still get his story by touch, but I can.” His smile grew at the flash of worry in your eyes, “Nothing like that. He truly cares for you. There’s still a bit I need to learn about everyone here, and hopefully after my duty is up I could possibly move here too. Truly is peaceful.”

Your smile grew, “We could always use another mechanic.”

“Good.” His hand eased over your cheek, “About Kili and his pub, I’m not mad. From what I can tell other than opening your shop that’s the first you’ve interfered. Enjoy your life, protect your family and never forget I’m always going to be here when you need me.” You nodded again stealing another tight hug before he climbed into the waiting cab at the train station waiting to take him to the airport. With another wave he was gone and you turned back to head back inside the train station to wait for the two hour long train ride back again.

...

Alone through the exiting terminal again you walked finding your motorcycle giving it a kick start and taking the long ride home again through the growing green back to the small shop you parked in front of. Shutting off your bike you walked inside joining the others on unpacking the first pieces of interior for Thranduil’s boat.

Hour by hour you organized it and started installing the most basic pieces first inside the freshly sealed and reinforced lower sleeper cabin. An echo of your stomach broke through the sounds of the whirring machine in your hand drawing a sigh from you leading your path home once again as the Durins all helped you lock up for the day. Seated squarely on your bike you pulled into your driveway and couldn’t help but smile at the familiar sports car waiting there with a puffed up Helmsley on his hood tapping his tail against it counting down until he began yowling at the pair of you for his unfed status should you miss the deadline and he heard a grumble from his own stomach. Biting his lip Thranduil watched you park in your garage and accepted your tight hug when you walked over to him as his eyes closed taking in the details of your trip trapped in your thick layers while his lips met your forehead.

“I made a drive, closed early for supplies in the town over, got us some dinner.”

Meeting his eye again your smile grew, “Thank you.”

Through a muffled giggle from you his lips met yours for an enamored kiss ending and allowing you to step back smiling at the irritated cat rising up on his haunches accepting your curling him in your arms for the trip inside while his tail curled around your arm supporting his weight. Behind you Thranduil opened his car grabbing the bags of food and followed you inside, joining you at the table as you set Helmsley down and filled his bowl with the food Thranduil had brought over the night before. 

You turned around pulling out of your jacket to hang it up and join your smiling date at the table as he filled the wine glasses he had set out for you around the meals he had set out for you both. A warning grumble came from beside the bowl next to the counter signaling the claiming of your seats as Thranduil slid closer to your side with a creeping smile asking about your trip wishing to simply watch your smile grow through sharing.

The dishes were washed and set in the dishwasher when your plates were finally cleared, as you yawned Thranduil’s hand curled around yours following you into the bedroom at the repeating of your offer of him staying over. While you changed in your closet he pulled out of his shirt and sat on your bed against the pillows sliding his fingers over the furs and impossibly soft layers on the equally as soft mattress packed with memories of your smile as you burrowed in this safe space deepening the smile on his face. 

As the door opened he released his lip from between his teeth looking up at you in one of your tank tops and your favorite shorts over your long socks while you worked your hair into a long braid on your path over to him. In a lean over he switched off the light for you spotting Helmsley claiming a spot at the foot of the bed under one of your furs as you released your braid and climbed into bed.

After a slide down onto his back Thranduil accepted your good night kiss and smiled curling his arms around you when you settled against his side using his shoulder as a pillow. Slowly you drifted off to sleep struggling to finally let go and drop off at the feeling of the icy blue eyes still looking you over adoringly while his fingers eased along your back in slow gentle strokes. Mirroring yours his smile grew, easing your hand higher on is shoulder you giggled and softly stated, “You should be sleeping.”

As his adoring gaze deepened looking over your face with still shut eyes he chuckled lowly and replied in a velvety purr, “How can I sleep with pure starlight I my arms?”

Through an awkward giggle your hand moved blindly to cover his eyes as you cuddled closer to him, “Go to sleep.” Giggling again.

As he chuckled again he purred back, “Cover my eyes all you want I can still picture your magnificence perfectly.”

Burying your head against his neck while his arms circled you tighter at your hand moving to curl around his side, “You need to rest for work tomorrow. Close your eyes go to sleep, Duil.”

Settling you closer to him as his lips met the crown of your head, “Alright, but I’ll be dreaming of you, and you’ll be in my arms there too.” Making you giggle against his neck when you kissed him there.

“Goodnight Duil.”

Closing his eyes he exhaled slowly allowing the memories of your smile trapped in these sheets allowing himself to slip off as he purred, “Goodnight my Darling Starlight.” As the night went on his smile inched wider through each mingled dream of all the places and moments he wished to share with you, always ending with a recap of your short time dancing under the stars while their light shimmered brightly across your skin.

..

“Meoooow!” Through slitted eyes you both peered at the cat slumping onto Thranduil’s side and sliding towards his face stirred a chuckle from the Elf trying so hard to keep hold of you for just a short while longer making you giggle in return.

In a low mumble against the top of your head he said, “You really need to work on your inner alarm clock. Just because the birds are up doesn’t mean you have to be.”

Another chuckle came from him at the tail curling around his ear making him try to squirm and burrow with you under the pillows and covers until the cat followed him there triggering a squirming fit from him at the tickling attack until he finally climbed out of bed while you laid there laughing at his near jumping out of bed calling out, “Fine.” Walking through the cottage to the door in the kitchen you heard him say, “The sun’s not even up yet!” After a pleased ‘meow’ at his being free to explore Thranduil added, “Now don’t you go bringing that badger back here for breakfast! He will not be destroying her curtains like he did mine!” Giggling behind your hands you heard him add, “Anything involving all my fruit, half my cutlery and a blender is not an accident!” With a huff he closed the door and walked back to join you unable to hold back his smile at your escaping laughs. Biting his lip he climbed onto your bed and crawled back into his former spot in his attempt to hold you again.

Mid giggle you said drove his smile wider saying, “You got tickled out of bed!”

With a blush he replied, “He is a very crafty cat.”

“Apparently with very mischievous friends.”

You giggled again through his lips landing on yours as he chuckled too, “The badger is the better of them. Don’t even ask about the porcupine.”

“Oh! With the red patch on his stomach?!”

Thranduil smirked as he pulled back to look at your face, “You know about him?”

“He owes me a chisel! Four years back he stole my best one! Promised to return it, something about helping a beaver.”

Thranduil chuckled, “Ah, well if it has a frog symbol on the handle I found it in my gutters when I first moved in.”

“How the-.”

He chuckled again, “Seems we have both had casualties in the fur coated feud.”

Closing the distance you claimed another kiss from him trailing a finger along his jaw just under his ear triggering a quirky smile to form on his face. “Tons of new discoveries this morning. You being ticklish as one of them.” A chuckle sounded from him at your inching closer to him deepening his expression while he struggled against his urge to pull back to fend off another attack, “Don’t worry, I will only use it on very, very special occasions.” Biting his lip he chuckled through an exhale at your lips pressing just below his ear while you brushed him onto his back and curled across his chest while his arms circled you through his drawing the covers higher over your back.

“Special how?”

His lips met your forehead as you nuzzled your head against his cheek kissing that same spot again, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Earning another chuckle from him at his eyes closing, “I look forward to it.”

..

Halfway through your shift, once again covered in grease at your guiding the new propeller and rudder systems into place your head turned spotting a familiar tall blonde walking into the shop eyeing the large array of plans Kili was utilizing his Uncles to put the designs for the new expansion for he pub together before calling on their distant Cousins to do the work from the Iron Hills. Crouching at your side you giggled under your breath at his stolen peck on your cheek before his asking, “Getting along well?”

You nodded securing the last set of bolts into place, “Ya. Laid the build ins earlier after we set up all the wiring, flooring will be tomorrow after I add the final touches and checks on the steering systems.”

“That’s good. Moving ahead pretty quickly now huh?”

With another giggle through your wiping your hands on the rag from your pocket you said, “Tearing it apart is one thing, building it back is another. Not any easier. Won’t be overnight but it should be done before spring, hopefully.” Pointing your finger at him an excited smile grew on his face as you said, “I do have a few questions though.” Giggling as you led him backwards for a few steps until you turned and walked over to your work bench showing him the final designs once again for a few more details at the lack of a few materials he had decided on months prior. “Apparently they won’t have the leather to cover the benches you wanted,”

“It doesn’t really matter.” You met his gaze with a disbelieving look only to have him lean in to land his lips on yours, “As long as you’re there I don’t care if I’ve got folding chairs in the sleeper.”

Rolling your eyes you replied, “I will never, never, let a boat leave this shop with folding chairs, even if I have to eat the costs.” Making him chuckle again.

“Pick what you like. I won’t be going out without you. As long as it has the yellow stripe on the side I am fine with anything.” After you giggled he replied, “My Ada had these model ships he’d build and they always ended up with a yellow stripe.”

You nodded, “He liked yellow?”

“My Naneth’s favorite color.” Locking your eyes with his you spotted his glimmer of pain in them. “That’s why I’m calling it Marigold.”

“Her name?”

“No.” He chuckled softly, “But she loved to name things Marigold, even had a toaster named Marigold once as a child.” Stirring another chuckle from you both. “Had I been a girl I am certain that would have been my name.”

“I’m certain it would have suited you nicely.”

He chuckled again, “As am I.” After a glance at his watch he stole another kiss, “Pick for me please, I’m helpless with all this, Dearest.” Smiling wider as you rolled your eyes and turned back to the designs while he walked back to his car heading back to the clinic once again.

Tapping your pencil on the desk you felt Dwalin joining your side, peering over your shoulder asking, “He couldn’t decide?”

After another giggle his smile grew at your response, “Asked me to.”

With a deep chuckle of his own he said, “Well now, finally you get to build your dream boat. Didn’t think the leather suited the look at all in the first place. Probably picked it so it’d take longer to piece together.”

“Wouldn’t doubt it. What do you think of the grey?”

“I think it’ll pair nicely with the wood finish.” With a wink at you he added, “Right out marvel she’ll be. All due to you.”

…

Under the rising moon you crossed the field between you and the Manor with a basket tucked in your elbow. Through the glass doors you caught Thranduil hunched over the counter waiting on his kettle to boil after having to drive out to help his Father with a lengthy surgery. In an attempt to knock on the glass pane your hand froze at Helmsley’s trot to the door to leap and grip the tassle on the knob causing it to swing open causing Thranduil to straighten with a sigh to go and close the door again. When his eyes fell on you his smile grew as he eyed your pajama clad self raising the basket higher at your side saying, “Thought you might be hungry.”

Biting his lip he crossed the room claiming your basket and the hug you curled him in as he said, “Just what I needed. To see you again.” Pressing a kiss to the top of your head and guiding you inside for a late dinner with the pleased cat seated between your feet using one of them as his pillow through your learning about his trip and what he could share about the surgery. Not long after the meal had been cleared up he smirked through his trip into his study with you in tow curled under his arm through his tour, leaving your side only to open a drawer and pull out your hand forged chisel wrapped in a bright yellow ribbon making a bow. His smile grew as he offered it to you leaving it in your open palm, “Scrubbed it up quite a bit.”

Your brows rose as you eyed the velvet box tied to your chisel. “And the box?”

As his smirk grew he replied, “Not a clue. From the porcupine, most likely.”

Nodding with a growing smirk urging an awkward smile to grow on his face only growing as you opened it eyeing the diamond necklace inside, “The porcupine bought me diamonds?”

“He must be incredibly sorry for misplacing your chisel.” You rolled your eyes again while he walked over and placed the necklace around your neck leaving a peck on your neck as he did.

“Would you mind thanking him for me then? Quite exquisite taste he has.”

After his nod he purred against your ear, “I will. It looks magnificent on you Dearest.” Planting his lips firmly on yours smirking against your lips at your turn to ease your arms around his neck while his curled around your back. “Tired?”

“Would you mind me staying, or-.”

He stole another kiss, “Stay over any time you wish. I’ll give you a quick tour of what’s on our way.”

Room by room after the grand staircase you eyed each of the moonlit statues and paintings decorating the empty rooms before the gasp that drew his smile wider and him to lead you into what could only be a small ballroom filled with crystal coated chandeliers and candelabras reflecting light onto the mural coated ceiling and walls. Barely above a whisper as you turned in a small half circle you muttered, “Wow.”

Moving closer to you his hand found yours to lead you in a quick spin through his lips finding your neck, “One night, when we’re not so exhausted I’ll break out my records and we can dance all night in the moonlight, hmm?”

Still moving your feet your lips met his after your nod, holding each other through another few turns until he sighed softly starting to lead you back to the door shifting you back to his side. Stealing more glances at each room until you finally found his bedroom,  the massive room with the large four poster curtain enclosed bed surrounded by various pieces of art you inspected including a few sketches of you, while he said, “I’ll light the fire.”

You nodded blindly turning and exploring the room until you ended up backing into his chest when he moved to hug you, stirring a quiet giggle from you, “It’s incredible.”

His smile grew as you turned to face him and the golden firelight spread across your skin while he led you over to the bed, “I’m glad you like it.” Holding his smile as you climbed onto the bed and settled back while he pulled out of his shirt and tossed it away then climbed onto the bed under the covers to spread out across you using your shoulder as a pillow, smiling as you brushed his hair out of his face.

You settled together winding your legs around his while you curled your arms across his back feeling each of the memories flooding through the sheets. Mainly tossing and turning mingled with bouts of recitations of countless attempts at poems between the occasional heated moment where your name spilled out between low moans at his own imaginations of you. Halfway through the final memory, one of him singing a near fragile song through his sketching of something your eyes opened at his stating, “I should have set out the crystals first.”

Gliding your fingers through his hair again you left a kiss on his forehead replying, “Don’t you dare. You are an incredible poet, with an amazing voice.” He tilted his head back claiming another loving kiss before your smirking addition of, “And I love the way you whisper my name.”

Quickly he rose to turn over saying, “I’m getting the crystals.” Your giggles sounded as your hands met his ticklish spots gaining a squirm from him dropping him to his side through a laugh until you curled your legs around his. Pressing your chest against his back with your fingers gliding over his chest turning his head to face you after your kiss on his neck and soft nip at his ear. His eyes scanned over your face until they shut at your lips meeting his through your hands trailing lower over his chest stirring deeper breaths from him at their teasing circles while a muffled near moan was lost to your impassioned lip lock.

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Unadulterated Crack Part 12

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x Reader

Word Count: 1,475

warnings: Angst, Humor, slight violence, Thorin being a diddly dumb ass, Implied smut, Shunning, attempted blackmail, Thranduil being an ass, and alcohol usage

A/N: I know I said you’d get the next chapter in November, but I didn’t want to wait, plus I’m feeling motivated for once.

— Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5 — Part 6 — Part 7— Part 8 — Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 — Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 — Part 18 — Part 19 — Part 20 — Part 21 —  

    It took Thorin two hours to realize he had over looked you, and left you without reassurance that he was alright. He sought you out, and when he found you leaning up against a boulder on the river bank with Dwalin lurking not far from you. He realized that Dwalin had been more than a little clingy and protective of you then he had in the past. But Thorin thought nothing of it, he assumed that Dwalin was just protecting you because you had Thorin's braids in your hair. He approached you, and once you were in arm's reach he took a hold of your waist between his hands. He cooed, "I am sorry I did not come to you earlier." Much to Thorin's surprise you did not receive him as he had hoped. He had wanted you to hug and kiss him, and ask if he was alright while looking at him with concerned eyes filled with love. Instead you slapped him, hard, across the face and glared at him with cold eyes. You screamed, "What were you thinking! How could you be so reckless, and stupid!"

     Thorin held his stinging right cheek, and stuttered, "W-what do you mean!"     You seized him by the front of his coat, and yelled, "You went charging into a fight by yourself when you were out numbered, and your enemy had the high ground! You are damn lucky that Bilbo acted when he did or you'd be dead! You are also lucky that I didn't get a chance to get my hands on you sooner cause I would have done more than just slap you! Your people are relying on you to reclaim Erebor and you can't do that if you are dead! Do you know how scared I was that I'd loose you! If you ever do something so stupid again you better hope they kill you or that I don't find out you did, cause if the latter happens I will kill you my own damn self!" throwing your arms around him and sobbing into his shoulder. 

    After Gandalf told all of you that the viscous bear outside was their host, Beorn, everyone went to settle down for the night. As Bifur, Bofur, Dwalin, Bilbo, and Fili and Kili headed to the barn to sleep you looked over at them and said, "Remember boys, even," Then you bleated like a goat, and continued, "Means no."

     The rest of the company burst out laughing, as Thorin rubbed the bridge of his nose and groaned at your bestiality joke. Thorin then led you to a pile of hay in the stables, he wrapped his arms around you, and said, "I want you." kissing your neck.

      You chuckled, "I'm not quite sure I have forgiven you for nearly getting yourself killed." leaning your head back to expose more of your throat to him.     "Then let me make it up to you." He hummed, as his hands began to knead your rear.

    At the Elvish Gate, as Gandalf demanded they not free his horse, you grabbed him, pulled him down to your level, and hissed, "You better bring Thrain back alive and in one piece or I swear I will tell everyone about your true nature Olorin!" in his ear.

    After he left, you stuck with Thorin and Dwalin, and tried to keep the whole together as they descended into the delirious madness that the forest engenders, which didn't really seem to have any effect on you. You felt like you were a shepherd trying to keep a flock of drunken toddlers together. When the spiders came you didn't stand a chance with the Company being so goofy. When Bilbo cut all of you down, he made sure to do you last so you didn't get squished by your Dwarven companions. 

    After Thranduil had spoke to Thorin, he sent for you for some odd reason. When you entered the throne room, Thranduil was pouring himself a goblet of wine. He said, "Tell me, what is a child of man doing traveling with a group of Dwarves with a death wish?"

     "Death wish? What death wish?" you mocked innocence. 

    Thranduil glared at you, and states, "The wish to slay a dragon and reclaim a home land."

     "Well we're not here to fuck spiders." You sneer.     He points at you and firmly whispered, "Do not speak to me in such a manner, I am a king."

     "Well I didn't vote for you." you quip.

     Thranduil says, "That's not how that works."

     "You are a king amongst elves Thrandy, and I am not an elf, so do not expect me to kiss your ass like everyone else with pointless formalities. I am not a child, saying that you have a born right to rule just because of your lineage will not work with me." you snap.

     He stared at you for a moment, before smiling softly and saying, "You are a strange girl, but you amuse me. Would you like some wine, it's the very best my halls can offer." 

        Your mind shoots to the baby, and you huff, "I should not, now did you bring me here merely to get a look at the odd ball, and waste my time. Or did you want something?"

     Thranduil examined you closely, his eyes wandering over your form. After a few minutes, his eyes grew wide, and he breathed, "You're pregnant?"

     "That is besides the point." You growl, "are you done wasting my time with your games?"

     Thranduil said, "It is a child of Durin, is it not?"

     "That is none of your business. Now tell me what you want, or I'll go back to the dungeons my own damn self." you puff.

     Thranduil sighed, "very well," dramatically, he said, "When I mentioned you to your foolish leader, and he became rather defensive. I wished to know what makes you so unique that you managed to worm your way into that oaf's heart."

     "I like to think it's my perky nipples." You snort.

      Thranduil laughed, "I see why he seems so fond of you now, you are lively. Tell me does he know you are carrying his child?" You avoided eye contact, with the Elf king, after a minute, Thranduil hummed, "Do you fear that he would not accept your child due to its mixed blood? Is that why you hide it from Thorin?"

     "No, I do it to protect him, he has enough to worry about already. He does not need to fret over it now, I will tell him when December rolls around." You admit having been found out.

    Thranduil said, "I will make you a deal, if you get me the gems of star light that I desire, I will keep your secret from Thorin."

     "I have a counter offer, you even think of opening your big mouth to Thorin, I will take those gems and throw them into the deepest part of the lake." You retort.

     His eyes widened as he breathed, "you would not dare."

     "Wanna bet?" You huffed.

     He looked you up and down before muttered, "I see why Thorin likes you." before saying, "I will not tell your beloved fool that you are with his child, but I require that you at least attempt to convince him to return the gems to me."

     "That will not be possible at least until after November twenty third." You shrug.

     He eyed you curiously, and asked, "Do pray tell as to why that is?"

     "He's been falling deeper into the dragon sickness the nearer we get to Erebor. By the time we actually reach the mountain it will be in full control. But Thorin is not like his grandfather, he will beat it on his own on the twenty third and he will fight in the battle. After then, if he survives, and I do as well, I will help you try to negotiate with him. He's usually more receptive to something when I am around. You will also have to compromise with him, you can't just demand he return them without offering something in return. The mere fact that you foolishly revealed how desperate you are for the return of your wife's jewels means he has the advantage. However I make no promises that I will succeed, I am just one woman Thranduil. I alone cannot undo thousands of years of hate and mistrust between the Dwarves and Elves. Also I do not know if I myself will survive the battle, so do not get your hopes up. However you need to arrive at Erebor after you hear Smaug is dead, with two thousand armed elves, and plenty of food and medical supplies to share amongst Dwarves, men, and elves." You caution.

     Thranduil nods his head, and assures, "We have a deal, now I will return you to your cell."

— Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5 — Part 6 — Part 7— Part 8 — Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 (here)— Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 — Part 18 — Part 19 — Part 20 — Part 21 —  

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