#I want to go home and sleep but that home is far away from me

[cherriesformatt]

sick || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: reader is taking care of sick Matt

warnings: pure fluff

word count: 1k

a/n: how can you be sick and still looking like matt did? I think its only him...

I was excited to see Matt but in the same time I knew something was off when he texted me this morning to come over but than he did not answer anymore. Him and his brothers were doing this challenge that they are separated for a week for the first time and today Nick left for Japan with Madison and Matt was left alone. I was off work now so I decided to drive to his house. I walked in using my finger print on their lock and locked the door back behind me.

“Matt?” I called but no one answered me.

I frowned and walked up the stairs and when I did not see him on the couch or in the kitchen I went to his room. It was all dark so I left the doors open to see.

“Matt?” I asked and I looked at him. He was in the bed wrapped in his comforter.

I came closer and sat down next to him. He was sleeping. His cheeks were flushed and his hair were sticking to his sweaty forehead. I saw an empty bottle of water and termometr on this night stand.

“Oh my poor baby” I whispered.

I didn’t see him for some time now and all I wanted to do now was to snuggle with him and take care of him. I was so sad he got sick on the week he was off work and stuff. It’s like his body knew it could let go.

I took my attention back to him as he started to cough and he quickly sat down and sneezed.

“Hi baby” I sad smiling sadly and have him a tissue from the night stand.

“Y/n what are you doing here? What time is it?” He asked with his very raspy voice.

“It’s past 5, you are sick. Why didn’t you text me? I would bring you stuff” I said.

He looked at me as he cleaned his nose and he put away the used napkin.

“I’m sorry baby, I practically slept the whole day I knew I was going to text you but my phone was too far away. I feel like shit” he said.

“I can’t believe ve I got sick and can’t kiss you right now. I missed you so much” he said with a very sad tone and his eyes dropped.

“Shhh… it’s okay” I came closer and I wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t protest and rested his head on my shoulder.

“Did you take anything for the fever?” I asked and when he shook his head I rolled my eyes.

“Okay. Do you guys even have any medicine at home?” I asked again and he shook his head again.

“Dear God Matt what was your plan? Die from fever and dehydration? “ I rubbed his back.

“You’re all sweaty… you should shower to feel a bit better and I’ll change your sheets and will DoorDash everything we need to make you feel better” I say moving away a bit.

He looked at me and nod. He rested his back in the bed and looked around and grabbed his phone from under all the pillows and he handed it to me.

“Use my DoorDash with my card please” he said and I didn’t want to argue with him looking like that.

I stand up and I offer him my arm to help him get up and when he does he instantly shivers.

“Okay… sit down I’ll go and turn water on so the bathroom will be warm for you” I said and quickly went to do that and than when we was in the shower I got him fresh pj’s and put it in the bathroom for him as well as I change his sheets and order things. I ordered medicine, stuff for making soup and pasta, electrolytes and his favorite drinks and snacks.

I went around living room and kitchen to tidy a bit and put a blanket on the couch.

“You are the best…” he said as he stepped into the living room.

“Go seat on the couch the stuff will be there soon. I’ll make soup and homemade pasta. It will take some time but I know how much you like” I say and he comes closer to me and brings me back to his chest.

“I’m sorry I’m sick….” He whispered.

“Don’t be sorry it’s not like you could control it. It’s all good I want you to rest and let me take care of you without worrying” I kissed his cheek.

“I wish I could kiss you but I don’t want you to get sick” he said moving away.

“ I know….” I smiled and send him on the couch again.

When the stuff got here, he took the meds and I started cooking. He needed to vlog so he did w bit.

“Matt for the love of good put this hoodie back on. How can you have 101 fever and look this good? Also never mind get under the fucking blankets or no soup for you” I said I noticed him shirtless.

“But it’s so hot, this meds broke me. What if I’m dying?” He asked looking at me from the couch.

“You’re not, you are just a man with a cold right now. I know it might seems like dying but you’re not” I said very seriously.

He rolled his eyes on me and got under the blanket. When food was ready we were eating it on the couch and talking a bit about Nick and Chris and his time in Boston when I was telling him about work and what I was doing when he wasn’t here when I’d we talked almost every day.

“Thank you for the food it was so good. I feel so much better now” he said and he lay down with his head in my lap.

“You know what always makes me feel better when I’m sick?” I asked with w smile and started to play with his hair.

“I know, I know. We can watch Harry Potter movies together “ he said.

[tomriddlehyperfixataion]

The Diary of Tom Riddle- Diary! Tom Riddle x Reader - P5

pairing: Tom riddle x Fem reader

warnings: Horcruxes, Manipulation, Tom being Tom, side effects of being possessed, bleeding from the nose.

summary: 16-year-old (y/n) finds a mysterious black book on the floor of after it slips out of Ginny Weasleys caldron, curious, she picks it up and keeps it-which leads to one thing after another and discovers the book is far more than it seems.

-Part 1- -Part 2- -Part 3- -Part 4- -Part 6-

=

(y/n) hadn’t talked to Tom for a while now, too scared to even open the diary. How had he done that?? How had a personality enchantment pulled her into its host?? Where it had a whole Hogwarts available to it??

Deep down-so deep she wasn’t even aware of it-she knew there was something more about Tom Riddle’s diary.

She stuffed the diary back into her trunk, refusing to even look at it.

Christmas was coming along now, and (y/n) didn’t know if she wanted to go back home for the holidays or stay at Hogwarts. She looked out the window of transfiguration class, her cheek on her palm as she watched the snow fall outside.

She should probably go back home, to get away from the craziness of the ‘chamber of secrets’ fiasco, if just to give her some peace of mind, and maybe some proper sleep.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes and looking down at her notebook. It was just her plain notebook; one she’d bought in Hogsmeade right after Tom had pulled her into his diary. She didn’t know how he’d done that, how he’d pulled her into his enchantment. Logically-that shouldn’t be possible, personality enchantments were just…personality enchantments, they shouldn’t be able to create their own realms-or pull others into what they perceived.

She licked her lip, rubbing her face as her head ached. She’d researched more about personality enchantments multiple times now, and not one of them said anything about the enchantments being able to be…more human, to have their own realms or be…real.

Tom felt too real.

She jolted as Professor McGonagall ended the lesson, telling everyone that the signup sheet for staying at the castle for the holidays had to be signed by the end of the week if one wished to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas and New Year's.

(y/n) sighed, packing her books and heading back to her dorm room, she needed a nap.

She tossed her bag onto the floor and flopped onto her bed, burying her face in her pillow and clutching it, sighing deeply.

A nagging at the back of her mind told her to look at the diary.

She ignored it for several minutes before it became too much and she practically leaped off her bed, throwing open her trunk after dragging it out from under her bed and grabbing the diary. Grabbing it felt like welcoming home an old friend, like something missing was back in place.

She ignored that, opening the diary, reading through her notes that Tom had rewritten-but she got to the most recent ones, and they were gone-replaced with new sentences.

From Tom.

‘(y/n)?’

‘(y/n) It’s been days, I know I scared you, but you can’t ignore me forever.’

‘(y/n) Please, don’t leave me alone.’

‘(y/n).’

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that; I didn’t mean to scare you. Please talk to me again.’

‘I won't do it again. Just’ a series of frustrated scribbles then lined the page before the next sentence.

‘Merlin just talk to me.’

‘I’m sorry.’

(y/n) stared at the words for what felt like forever, she didn’t know whether or respond or to put the diary back into her trunk and ignore him…it…him.

(y/n) closed the diary and dropped onto her bed, burying her face in her hands. She didn’t even know what was going on anymore, Tom-the diary-was just a personality enchantment-that’s what he said he was when she first wrote to him, and yet he seemed so…real, like he wasn’t just an enchantment.

Like someone’s very soul-their very being-was put into the diary.

But that was impossible, wasn’t it?

…

She was going back home for Christmas.

-

She didn’t bring the diary with her, instead locking it way in her bedside table drawer, though she felt the constant nagging need to grab it and write to Tom. She ignored that nag and it slowly went away the further the train traveled away from Hogwarts.

She was welcomed at Kings Cross station by her dad and her stepmom, and her brother-who was visiting for the holidays-her dad giving her a big warm hug, which she happily returned, she’d needed a good dad hug. “How’s school been sweetie?” her dad asked, his hand in hers as they walked to the car.

“Good, it’s…been dramatic I suppose,” (y/n) responded lightly, not knowing if her parents were aware of what was happening at the school.

“What sorta dramatics?” her brother asked and (y/n) shrugged, unsure of how to explain it.

“The usual stuff,” she said instead, her brother taking her trunk and loading into the car. “Teenagers, classes, boys.”

“Boys? Oh, don’t tell me my daughter has a boy at her heels? I’ve dreaded this day,” her dad joked, holding his hand to his chest as he pretended to faint, her stepmom laughing as (y/n) smiled tiredly.

“Not really, just…a particular boy, he’s…weird, I guess.” (y/n) muttered and her dad could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, even though her brother was bugging her about it, poking at her arm to spill more about her ‘mystery boy’.

“Leave her be Justin, she’s had a long trip back from the school-let’s get some dinner.” Her dad said, kissing her forehead before they all got into the car and her dad drove to her favorite restaurant.

-

Christmas had been very nice, her family had hosted the (last name) family Christmas party this year and she got to see all her extended family from that side, playing loads of muggle games with her cousins and bouncing her newest baby cousin on her knee as she listened to her great grand aunts and grand aunts chatter away. One asked if she had a boyfriend, and with a flush of her cheeks-thinking of Tom’s face and touch when he’d pulled her into the diary-shook her head.

“I’m not looking for one,” she said shyly, and thankfully her cousin came to her rescue-taking her son back and (y/n) quickly escaped into the kitchen, where her dad was making the finishing touches to the ham.

“Hi sweetie,” her dad said, distracted, as he brushed the glazed honey onto the ham while she hugged him from behind, and then helped him hold the ham slices apart so he could brush the glaze easier onto the ham.

She stayed silent while her dad worked, and when he put the brush and metal bowl aside, she tugged at his sleeve. He turned to her; his brows furrowed gently. “What’s wrong sweetie?” he asked, able to tell when she felt a bit…down.

“…Can I have a hug?” she asked quietly, really needing a dad hug, and instantly her dad's arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his familiar warmth, smelling of cologne and dandruff shampoo. She held him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder, letting out a deep sigh.

“what’s wrong sweetie?” her dad asked again, rubbing her back and she squished her cheek into him, wondering how to word the whole…Tom situation.

“There's this…boy,” (y/n) began and her dads grip on her tightened and he took her aside into the den. They sat down on the couch in front of the TV, and she tucked herself into her dad’s side-just like she’d done since she was young. “he’s…unusual, uhm, he’s tutoring me in defense against the dark arts, cause our current teacher is…just a buffoon.”

Her dad hummed, letting her know he was listening, rubbing her arm as his other hand rested on his lap. “Anyway-he was tutoring me, a few weeks back now and he uh…got really close.” Her father's grip on her arm tightened, his brow furrowing.

“Do I need to have a conversation with this boy (y/n)? Or send Justin?” her dad asked and (y/n) snorted, shaking her head, smiling gently.

“No, it’s okay-i…didn’t really mind it, I know you don’t wanna hear that but…it just-kinda scared me-I guess, I’ve never been that close to a boy before-not in…the way we were,” she looked up at her dad and huffed, smiling a bit “nothing happened dad, he was just all up next to me,” (y/n) said, giggling at the end as her dad just looked a bit green at the gills.

He sighed dramatically, putting his hand to his chest. “Oh good, I was worried I might get grandchildren early.” (y/n) squealed/laughed and smacked at her dad, who laughed heartily, before shaking her head.

“Daaad…anyway, uhm-I’ve been avoiding him since then, and…he sent me notes-apologizing, for scaring me-and that he didn’t mean to. And…I dunno what to do.” (y/n) continued softly, looking down at her hands as they were clenched together in her lap, chewing on her lip in thought.

“Do you think he genuinely meant his apology?” her dad asked and (y/n) shrugged.

“Uhm-well, he’s quite…hard to read, doesn’t…show his emotions a lot.” (y/n) murmured, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees.

“Were you expecting him to apologize?” Her dad asked and (y/n) thought about it for a moment, then shook her head.

“I…I hadn’t, he also kinda…begged me to talk to him again?” (y/n) said, remembering what Tom had written to her in the diary. ‘Please talk to me again.’

…she needed to do more research about personality enchantments, after all-maybe they could feel emotions? Since they were an imprint of someone's self into a book or object.

She remembered accidentally tearing a bit of the paper of the diary and Tom had reacted to it, as if he really felt it.

Perhaps Tom was more…real than she’d presumed.

“(y/n)?” her dad asked, and she turned, realizing he’d been talking this down. She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight.

“Thanks daddy, I think I got it figured out-thank you for listening.” She said softly and he hummed, hugging her back tightly and kissing her forehead as she pulled away and stood up from the couch.

“You’re welcome sweetie, now let's get back to the party before anyone looks for us,” (y/n) nodded and held his sleeve as they left the den to go back through the house.

-

Thankfully during Christmas-she’d slept pretty good, probably because she knew home was safe and that there wasn’t a chance of being petrified by some-monster.

Returning to Hogwarts felt oddly suffocating, probably due to the…monster thing, and the fact that she was going to…talk to Tom again.

She slid open her drawer and took out the diary, opening it to find it completely blank. She frowned, rubbing her thumb against the blank first page. Odd…maybe he thought she’d abandoned him and erased all the notes he’d rewritten for her.

She swallowed harshly, and grabbed her quill-opening her ink well and dipping the tip, before pressing it to the page.

"I kinda needed those notes Tom.”

Her written words stayed there for a very long minute, before they sunk into the page and Tom’s words quickly appeared.

‘(y/n)?’

“yeah…hi.”

‘Where have you been?’

‘I thought you abandoned me?’

“I’m-“

(y/n) paused in her writing, should she apologize? Should she explain why she hadn’t written back to him?

“Im sorry. I got overwhelmed.”

“scared. I hadn’t expected you to do that, I didn’t know you could do that.”

‘I'm sorry, I hadn’t meant to do that, I’d only meant to properly tutor you, I apologize for any confusion I caused within you, I should’ve told you, asked you, before I pulled you into my diary.’

(y/n) stared at his apology for a long moment, her quill hanging limply in the curve of her hand, before she sighed, dipping her quill again.

“that would’ve been appreciated…how’d you even do that anyway?”

‘It’s complicated, because I’ve been enchanted into the diary for so long, and I, or my original self, enchanted his personality into his diary with the intent to make me as real as possible, and I suppose that included giving me a subspace that reflected Hogwarts. With time, the magic of the enchantment solidified and I’m practically as real as you are.’

“that…sounds not super complicated actually, you explained that pretty well.”

‘I may have been figuring out how to explain it to you since you stopped writing.’

Huh…that was kinda…sweet? Maybe? (y/n) sighed, shaking her head, leaning back on her bed, her back pressing against the headboard. She really didn’t know what to think anymore.

‘(y/n)?’

Oh, right.

“im still here,”

‘Do you forgive me? Or at least aren’t mad at me anymore?’

“I was never mad, just…freaked out, its not every day a personality enchantment can pull you into their space, ya know?”

‘True, I do apologize again, and I won’t do it again.’

‘At least without not asking you first.’

(y/n) sighed, rubbing her forehead, a streak of ink coating her cheek.

“I’d appreciate that, thank you Tom”

‘Thank you, (y/n), for talking to me again.’

‘I know I was quite irritated with you when we first began speaking, well writing, but I’ve grown fond of you.’

“thanks, you’re also quite entertaining for a diary of a nerd :D”

‘I’m not rewriting your notes anymore.’

“Jerk.”

‘Witch.’

-

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley poked their heads around the corner of the hallway Filch had stormed away from, instantly seeing what he’d been complaining about-there was water everywhere, reflecting the scarlet words that had long dried on the wall. They could hear Moaning Myrtle’s wailing from down the hall.

“Now whats up with her?” said Ron, scrunching his nose as their shoes waded in what he hoped was sink water.

“Let’s go and see,” said Harry, the two lifting their robes as they stepped through the inch-high water. Harry pushed open the door-squinting at the slight ringing in his ears-and then his eyes went wide, seeing a girl, much older than him and Ron, hunched over one of the sinks, blood mixing with the sink water as it dripped from her face.

Ron gasped as Harry rushed forward, his hand landing on the girls back, she turned to him, her gaze unfocused as Myrtle continued to moan-now realizing she was yelling for help.

“Hey, little Potter-mind if you grab a teacher for me? I don’t feel good,” the girl said weakly, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as she passed out, nearly hitting the sink as she fell back.

“Ron go get Madam Pomfrey! Now!” Harry yelped, kneeling next to the 6th-year Slytherin girl, his hands shaking a bit as he patted her face-staining his skin with the blood that poured from her nose.

Ron ran out of the bathroom quicker than Harry had ever seen him, the two no longer caring for how wet their robes were.

Soon Madam Pomfrey and two professors were collecting the girl, named (y/n), from the floor of the bathroom, quickly taking her to the hospital wing. At the same time, Harry saw a black leather bound on the floor, blood-streaked on the edge of the pages. He picked it up, shaking it out and turning it over in his hands.

“Tom Marvolo Riddle,” Harry said under his breath, ignoring the way his ears were ringing and the way his scar itched.

-end of p5-

im so glad you guys are liking this storyyyy!!! and now we're getting to the good shit, buckle up chuckle fucks!

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[whatiwannaread]

take me back

Tom x reader

Warnings: toxic! relationship? (probably), trauma?, waaaay too much dialogue probably, drugs, sex and small town solitude are mentioned, not proof read (I'm lazy)

---------------------------

It's 3:00 am, you were peacefully sleeping, not expecting anything to happen until you were then suddenly woken up by loud banging on your front door downstairs.

You sit up, and hear Tom, your ex-boyfriend, speaking from the outside of your door. "Mm Baby, open the door, it's meee!" He slurs.

You sigh. This can't be real. Tom and you broke up 2 weeks ago and it's been hard but you were determined to get your act together and get over him. He seems to have other plans. You go downstairs, hesitant to open the door just yet.

"Schatzi, don't do this to me now, pleeease just let me innn!!"

Although you know you shouldn't, you open the door anyway. His eyes widen when he sees you "oh Schatzi, there you are!! Been missing you so much" Tom practically stumbles into your doorway, he holds onto the doorframe and then onto you for balance before stepping away a little to steady himself. He closes the door behind him. You cross your arms "Tom... how drunk are you?"

He exhales heavily "D-drunk? Nooo... not meee"

You keep a straight face "Don't lie. You drank. What do you want?"

Tom bites his lip, he hates being called out on his lie. He knows damn well that he drank, but he didn't want to admit it in front of you. "I- I had a few drinks, alright? Is that what you want to hear? But it's not like you care, anyway." He mutters. He then looks at you, his voice turning into a pleading tone once more. "Please, can we just talk?"

He looks miserable and you start to feel bad for him. you sigh "ok ok. Talk about it. What's so important?"

He takes a step closer to you, his eyes filled with desperation. "I.. I miss you. I miss us. I miss how we used to be.. I just.. I need you in my life, please, I need you back.. I-"

you roll your eyes a little "Tom, I don't think we should. What's really going on, huh? Trouble at home? In school? Or within that little drug-taking train station gang of yours?"

Tom's expression darkens at your question. He hates it when you bring up his "gang." He clenches his jaw "We're not a damn gang, alright? They're my friends. They understand me. And we're doing just fine, so stop talking about them." He speaks in a slightly more aggressive tone, but he soon calmes down, and he looks down at you, a hurt expression on his face. "Why did you even break up with me? I thought we were happy.."

You huff "happy? No, we weren't. And I don't trust your little friends, you know it! I can't deal with the stuff you guys do. I don't like it, I don't wanna get caught up in that. Why the hell are you even still hanging out with those people?? Tommy, I just don't understand..."

Tom's expression changes from hurt to frustration in a matter of seconds

"They get me, ok? You're just too good to get it! The guys get what it's like to have issues! And what do you mean we weren't happy? I was as happy as it gets! If only you would stop being so damn annoying about stuff like this"

God. He can't be serious. What an idiot he is! If only you could truly stop loving him...

"You know damn well I got my own issues, but that doesn't mean I'm out drinking and taking drugs every other day! You know my father left me and my mother is too damn busy taking care of her ever changing boyfriends. And then they drink our money. You think that's a sweet sweet life?? Get out Tom, I just don't get what you even want from me at this point! Go back to your friends!"

You hate talking about your family situation. Tom sees tears forming in your eyes, and he knows he went too far. He curses at himself inwardly for being such a jerk. But he's hurt too, by your words, and he's too stubborn to apologize. He swallows and he continues to speak in a harsh tone. "You know what, maybe I WILL go back to my friends! At least they care about me! They don't judge me! Maybe I'll just find some other girl too, someone who's actually worth my time..."

You take a deep breath to calm yourself down. Your voice is sharp and cold "yes. Please! Go back to the abandoned train station and pull at whatever they give you. And then ask Therese if she wants to do it again maybe! Maybe she'll be amazingly sweet this time"

[Therese is the secret 'whore' in our small town. She takes drugs and sleeps with usually young boys when they want to lose their virginity. Tom himself lost his virginity to Therese when he was only 13 and Therese was 17 and already infamous for doing it for little money. (Yes, horrible. But Therese is a victim too kinda)]

Tom's mouth agape in shock as his eyes widen. His heart feels like it just shattered into pieces. Seeing you so cold and harsh stung his heart like hell, and seeing you say those things about Therese made it even worse. He can't believe you'd stoop that low. He steps closer to you, his body trembling in anger and hurt.

"You dare bring up Therese?! That was a mistake, OKAY?! I was young and stupid! You're never gonna let that go, are you?!"

You glare at him "well you still hang out with her occasionally, dont you? If it was such a bad experience then how come you used to brag about stuff like that when we first met?? How you had sex at 13 with an older girl..... only to have it turn out you were talking about damn Therese out of all people!" You clench your jaw. You know you're going to far. But you wanna know why he keeps going back to the people who hurt him.

Tom's face turned red in anger and embarrassment. He couldn't believe you were humiliating him like this. He clenched his fists so tight that his knuckles turned white. He took a step closer to you, almost towering over you with his height.

"I- I-" He stuttered, but then he snapped, his expression turning into a sneer, and he yelled at you in a harsh, mocking tone.

"It was one time behind the damn train station, alright? Yes, it was behind the damn train station and it was stupid and so damn weird!!! Are you happy now?"

"The damn train station you guys hang out till this day!! Don't you get that?? When I agreed to be with you, you said you regret all that stuff. But you still go there and meet up with the same people and every time you're there, you're so god damn cold!! I don't understand you. You and I... that never worked" You look up at him

Tom stares down at you, his anger replaced with hurt and despair. He clenches his jaw, and he speaks in a more quiet tone.

"We hang out there because we have nowhere else to go, okay?! We always go there because there's nowhere else to hang out in this stupid town! And you know why we hang out there, because we can do what we want there, you know that!! We're allowed to drink, to smoke, to have a good time!"

You huff and look down "I know I know. Everything's just perfect over there and everybody is sooo nice and lovely"

You remember when you hung out there too for some weeks. But you didn't really smoke or drink, no nothing. You were scared in some way. You didn't want to be just like your mother. They called you Miss Virgin Pure back then and made fun of you a lot. That's how Tom knew you when you first spent some time together outside of school. But you always kinda hated that hangout. You never got why Tom keeps going back there!

Tom's expression softens a bit as he remembers how you were always the 'stuck up little prude' among his friends and how they teased and made fun of you for being hesitant to copy their lifestyle. He knew deep down you were so sweet, even if you acted so guarded and dismissive at times.

"I- you were always kinda different from us... you were special. You were... I don't know, better, you were beautiful. They only teased you so much because you were too perfect..."

Tom's heart twists and aches as he thinks about his words. He takes a step closer to you, his eyes full of sadness now.

"You know what? You're just... you are perfect. You're too good for me, I know that. But I can't help it... I need you, okay? I just... I can't stop thinking about you."

You sigh and cross your arms "Tom, make up your mind! You just told me I don't understand you, cause I don't know what it's like to have issues and now all of a sudden I'm so so perfect. What do you want? I didn't ask for you to come over! And I won't take you back tonight either!" You wonder what's going on with Tom, maybe he drank more than you thought...

Tom feels a pang of guilt as he remembers what he said to you. He was angry and hurt, and he said those things out of spite.

"I- I didn't mean that... I just... I'm so messed up, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I just want you back... I need you back. I need you in my life, okay?! I can't be without you."

"We broke up 2 weeks ago, Tom. You need to give it some time... you will get over me, come on" you mumble, you feel slightly bad but you're also still hurt.

Tom feels a pang in his heart as you say that he'll get over you. He steps even closer to you, his body mere inches away from yours now. He looks down at you with a pleading expression.

"I can't get over you... I've tried, I really have. But no matter what I do, you're always on my mind. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think about anything else except you. You're all I think about, all the time... please, just give me another chance. I promise I'll be better, I'll do anything."

You sigh. Damn...what were you supposed to do?? You look away before you turn towards your room "I don't wanna talk no more. I'm so tired, Tom. Come on... let's get some sleep, ok?"

Tom feels a spark of hope in his heart as he sees you step towards your room. He follows after you, a small smile on his face. He's glad your letting him stay, even just for tonight.

"You're serious? I- I can sleep in your room?"

"Yeah... but just for tonight. I suppose it's too dangerous to drive back for you now anyway..." you bite your lip as you shake the pillow and the blanket up, just like you did when you two were still together. You get into bed and pull the blanket over yourself.

Tom's heart skips a beat as he watches you get into bed. It felt so familiar, bringing back all sorts of memories of when you were together. He can't help but smile, but he's also still feeling a pang of guilt.

"Yeah... it's really late, and I... I drank too much. I ... ugh... really can't drive back like this"

He slowly gets into bed beside you, trying not to get too close, but he's fighting the urge to just wrap his arms around you and pull you close.

You nod "mmm you gonna sleep in jeans?" You ask sleepily. Tom quickly unzips his pants and slowly slides them down, leaving him in just his boxers and t-shirt.

You smile as he pulls his jeans off. You move closer, the bed is rather small. U instinctively snuggle up to him "only tonight... let's say we didn't break up... but only for tonight" you whisper, not in your right mind as you grow more tired.

Tom's heart skips a beat as he feels you move closer, it feels like heaven.

"Yeah... just for tonight."

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you even closer. He buries his face in your hair, taking in your scent and savoring the feeling of your body against his.

Suddenly small tears start to run down your cheek. You sniffle softly. You seriously feel so lonely ever since you have broken up... but you feel like you two don't work out and that you have to let him go.

Tom feels your tears on his chest and it breaks his heart. He gently runs his hand up and down your back, trying to offer some comfort. He thinks he's the cause of your pain, and he hates himself for it.

"Hey.. hey... don't cry... please, don't cry... okay? we're together, right? Just for tonight, but still... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I messed up... I'm a jerk, I know I am... but I'll be better, I swear, I'll be better for you..."

You cry softly. It hurts so much. It's late and you are getting emotional. You feel like you got no one in this world. You only had him... but that's over now too. His voice calms you down a little "right... i love you Tommy. I love you. I need you. I don't trust anybody but you"

Tom swallows, his voice cracking with emotion.

"I love you too... I love you so much. I can't live without you. I need you, I need you so much... I'll do anything... I'll do whatever it takes to have you back... I promise I'll be better... I swear..."

You breath shakily "Tommy... I don't know. I'm so scared we will fight and break up again. Maybe we're better apart. But I'm so stupid and I miss you, I can't sleep without you... I feel empty and... ugh... I love you" you mumble

Tom feels his heart shatter at your words. The thought of being apart from you scared him so much. He wraps his arms even tighter around you, pulling you as close as possible.

"No... don't say that... I don't want to be apart from you. I can't... I can't be without you. I feel the same... I can't sleep without you either, I can't eat, I can't think about anything else except you. I'm empty without you too... we can make it work, I know we can. Just give me another chance, please..."

I sigh shakily as he pulls you closer. This feels good. Your resistance is crumbling "mmm you promise? The two of us against everything else, right? And you will try to distance yourself from that train station gang? Tommy please... then i'll take you back"

Tom's heart skips a beat when he hears you say you'll take him back. He knows he has to make this promise, no matter how hard it is.

"I promise... I promise I'll distance myself from the gang. I'll do whatever it takes... just please, take me back... I need you, okay? I love you so much..."

He buries his face in your hair, holding you tightly.

You smile softly "ok" you whisper "then we're back together. I love you Tom. You and I forever, hm?" Your heart feels like it's ten times lighter

Tom feels tears welling up in his eyes as relief washes over him.

"Yeah.. you and me forever, ... y/n and Tom forever. Oh god... I love you so much. You have no idea how much I've missed you. I swear I'll be a better boyfriend now, I promise... "

He hugs you tighter, feeling happier than he's been in weeks

You giggle softly "nooo you're the best boyfriend already. I love you sooo much" you relax in his arms and close your eyes, feeling veeery tired after all.

Tom smiles, holding you close and rubbing your back.

"No, I could be better... I messed up, and that's why we were apart. I won't mess up again, I swear... I love you too... you're everything to me."

He kisses the top of your head, feeling so happy to have you back in his arms. He can't help but smile even more as he feels how close you are to him, how your body fits perfectly against his

You yawn "I kinda wish we could have sex to celebrate but I'm soooo tired, Tom" you can't even keep your eyes open at all. The way he soothes you with his hand on your back makes you so so sleepy.

Tom feels his heart skip a beat at the mention of sex, but he quickly pushes that thought away. He can see how tired you are, and he doesn't want to push you to do anything. He keeps rubbing your back, trying to lull you to sleep.

"Shhh... it's okay, it's okay... you're tired, and you need to sleep. It's okay, there's always tomorrow. We can celebrate properly tomorrow, okay?"

You hum softly "mmmm yeah" you whisper sweetly. It's working, he's lulling you to sleep. Before you know it, you have fallen asleep in his embrace.

Tom continues to rub your back, feeling you relax and slowly fall asleep in his arms. A soft smile spreads across his face as he watches you sleeping so peacefully, your head resting on his chest. He holds you close, savoring the feeling of having you in his arms once again.

He whispers in a soft voice, so as not to wake you.

"Sleep well, schatzi... I love you, baby."

--------

the End

[morganaspendragonss]

you only see the light shine in dark times

5.01 has apparently given me inspiration again we love to see it! enjoy! ao3 | 1k | 5.01 coda, angst and hurt/comfort

He’s grown used to it by now, to Carlos rushing off in the middle of lunch dates and coming home in the middle of the night. He’s grown used to the thousand-yard stares and the constant presence of that case looming over them. He’s grown used to sleeping alone.

But it still hurts. It still aches something deep within TK when he spends yet another night with only Lou Two for company. He could invite people over, the crew, his dad, but he doesn’t want them to know that this is what his life – his marriage – has become. They wouldn’t understand, and he thinks perhaps his dad would understand a little too well, which is an uncomfortable thought.

Not that his marriage is going to end up like his parents’. TK won’t let it. And he is proud of Carlos; deeply, wholly, overwhelmingly so. Seeing him on the news tonight, standing at the chief’s right hand, the youngest Ranger in the line-up by far, had sent a pulse of love and pride directly to TK’s heart, where it still sits, beating strongly away. He loves Carlos for his dedication to his work, and he wouldn’t have him any other way.

But he would have him at home.

The loft isn’t a big place, smaller even than his New York apartment, but right now it feels cavernous, yawning around him. He can almost hear the echo of his feet on the concrete as he sets Lou back in his tank and clears up for the night. The remaining peppers go in the fridge, alongside the leftovers of a dinner he’d made last night in the foolish hope that they could share a full meal together without worrying about call-outs or cases. Instead, TK had been left with too much chicken pasta and Carlos had eaten vending machine energy bars and peanuts.

TK doesn’t fully trust that he won’t do the same tonight, but there’s nothing he can do about it now, except leave the light by the window on. He imagines it’s a beacon, a sole light in the dark, and he imagines that Carlos can see it from his office all the way across town. 

Come home, he thinks, wishes, prays. Come home to me.

Even after he gets in bed, he always tries to stay up for a while, waiting to hear the door rolling along the tracks, Carlos shuffling about, the click of the lamp being turned off. It’s a rare occasion, but it’s happened once or twice, and TK likes to feign sleep until Carlos is finally settled next to him. Then, he’ll pretend to stir, just a little, and he’ll roll over to pull him close.

Tonight, as with most nights, he doesn’t make it, though he’s not sure what time it is when he finally falls asleep. All he knows is that it’s late and Carlos still hasn’t come home.

*

While nights are an ever rarer privilege, TK can usually count on at least a few minutes with his husband in the mornings. Which is why he panics this morning, when he wakes up not to Carlos in bed with him, but to coldness on the other side of the bed. It’s happened before when he’s overslept after a long or late shift, but yesterday’s was neither, and a quick glance at his phone tells him it’s not even seven yet. If Carlos hasn’t come home… But he has to have come home, because who will TK call now that Gabriel is gone? 

His phone is in his hand anyway before he’s managed to disentangle himself from the bedsheets, but it’s proved unnecessary a second later. The bedroom door slides open and Carlos appears on the other side, smiling despite the exhaustion lying heavy across his features. 

“Hey, I thought I heard you,” he says, coming to sit on the bed next to TK. He puts a hand on TK’s knee, his thumb rubbing gently across the skin. “You look upset, what’s going on?”

TK waits before answering. It’s a difficult question to answer these days; he can’t let Carlos know what’s really wrong because that�� Well, that’s an argument he doesn’t want to have just yet. 

“Nothing,” he decides. “Just, weird dreams, you know. What time did you get in last night?”

Carlos’s expression shutters and he pulls his hand back, ostensibly to look at his watch. “Uhh, no idea. I stopped for something to eat on the way, so.”

“Good.”

The silence that falls between them is tense, awkward in a way it so rarely is between them. TK doesn’t know how to fix this, doesn’t know when it broke in the first place. It was gradual, cracks forming with every missed dinner and late night. Sometimes it feels like the only thing connecting them is that light by the window, left on as a sign that there is someone to come home to. 

Carlos sucks in a deep breath and TK turns to him, already knowing what he’ll say. 

“I was just about to head out, wanted to see you before I left. You should go back to sleep.” He pats TK’s knee again and makes to stand, but TK snatches his hand before he can fully pull away. 

“I’m awake now,” he tries, pouring as much love as he can into the words. “Maybe I can drive you to work, we can pick up some breakfast on the way? I’ll pick you up when you finish.”

Carlos smiles, but it’s small and regretful. “I already ate, and I don’t want to bother you on your day off.”

“It’s not–”

“Besides, I might stay late again,” Carlos interrupts. “I’m not sure, but I have to keep working on this, TK. I can’t– I couldn’t forgive myself if I stopped.”

TK nods. “I understand.”

And he does. He does. Still. His heart sinks as he lets go of Carlos, allowing him to stand up and leave.

“I’ll leave a light on for you,” he calls out as Carlos reaches the door. “I love you.”

Carlos turns back once, smiles. “Love you.”

Then he’s gone, and TK is alone again.

[doitforbangchan]

Ever Lovely - 3

Pairing~ Fae Prince!Bangchan x reader (afab/fem) x Fae Prince!Lee Know

Warnings~ Angst, cursing, panic attack, fainting, insanity (reader feels crazy)

WC~ 6.8k

Masterlist // series masterlist

previous ~ next

The far away look in your eyes did not go unnoticed by the staff the next morning, nor did the dark circles under your eyes due to exhaustion. As they dressed you for the day your normally vibrant demeanor seemed to be dimmed as you did not even protest when they pulled you out of bed like you normally do, and you did not pout at the dawning of your corset as they expected you too. It was honestly a little concerning to the maids. Especially to Mara. 

You had gotten little to no sleep the night prior. Over and over your mind replayed the events you had experienced. From leaving the castle, to meeting Chris and Minho, to following them home and finally to them. 

A part of you thought it might have all been a nightmare; that you had never left at all and everything you had been through was a figment of your imagination. But you knew in your gut it was real. That you really had met faeries and visited an otherworldly realm beyond your wildest imagination. Both the wonder and terror you had experienced could not have been made up in your head, as you still felt them even now. 

So many questions still rattled around in your head. You wanted to know more about them and their court. You wanted to know how they all came together. And you wanted to know why they valued human life so little. As much as you craved to return to them and demand more answers you also knew that beings that clearly only believed mortals to be nothing but toys for their entertainment were nothing but trouble for you. You would be a fool to put yourself in such a dangerous situation for a second time. 

But 

There was also a realization that that was probably the most thrilling thing you will have ever done in your life. Nothing would ever compare to the astonishment of the Court of Stars and that sat heavy in your chest. 

“My dear, what troubles have you plagued? You have hardly uttered a sound this morning.” Mara's question brought you out of your thoughts and back to reality. 

You blinked quickly as you tried to come up with an answer that would satisfy her. “My rest was uneasy last night. The stress of yesterday must have gotten too me worse than I thought.” 

She hummed, straightening out the poofs of your dress. “I will have the servants prepare some tea with your breakfast. You need to be awake and lively when you rendezvous with the Queens today for wedding preparations.” 

“Thank you, Mara. I would appreciate that greatly.” You said softly then a thought struck you; Mara had been the one to tell you stories about faeries when you were young- maybe she knew more information about them. The problem was getting that information out of her without her becoming suspicious. You cleared your throat lightly, “Mara, do you remember the stories you used to tell me when I was a child?”

“I have told you many tales, your highness. You will have to be specific.” She was behind you fixing your hair.

“The stories.. About faeries.” 

“Yes, I remember.” She answered, adjusting the pastel pink bow that rested in your hair and matched the color of your dress. 

“Well, do you happen to know anything else about them? The.. faeries, I mean.” 

Mara’s eyes instantly met yours in the mirror and her hands stopped moving. When she realized her reaction she cleared her throat and continued her task. “Now what makes you ask about a thing like that?” 

You tried a shrug in indifference, as if the inquiry held no weight. “ No reason in particular. Just thought maybe they would be good stories to pass on to my own children one day.” 

“Those were less of a fun story and more of a warning. Beings that are not to be trifled with.” She huffed. “Magical devils in disguise. It is better not to think of them at all.” 

‘Devils in disguise.’ Those words stuck with you the most. You remembered how different both Chris and Minho appeared when you arrived in the fae wilds- how they had changed out of their disguise and into their more bizarre forms. 

“But what if I find myself in a peculiar situation and the only thing that could save me is that knowledge?” 

Mara narrowed her eyes at yours, giving you a glance over with an etch of worry in her brows.”What situation would you find yourself in that this would be useful? Y/n, did something happen?” 

Shit. You should not have said that last question. 

“N-no. Of course not, Mara. What a silly question.” You deflected, using a hand to wave her off. 

“Y/n.” the elder woman's voice grew stern. “If something has happened you must tell me.” 

You wiped your sweating hands on your dress, hiding your nerves and playing it off. “Nothing has happened. I am simply curious.” 

She didn’t say anything for a moment and you thought that was going to be the end of the discussion, but before you could deflate in dejection she surprised you by speaking up. “I will not claim to be an expert, most of what I know comes from what my own father told me when I was a girl so take it all with a grain of salt.” 

You nodded, motioning for her to continue. 

She sighed wistfully and began her tale, “In the village where I grew up, a few miles outside of this very kingdom in a small woodland town, many rumors spread about tricksters that dwelled within the surrounding woods. Rumors of supernatural creatures that cared for nothing but their own enjoyment. Rumors of their cunning games and alluring charms. ” She breathed deeply before continuing. “ These creatures were known to us as Faeries or the fae folk. Our village had a specific set of rules regarding these tricksters. Do not ever enter the woods at night. If you are outside and see something strange, leave immediately. Fae are known to lure in victims with traps of enticement. Never invite one into your home lest you invoke nightmares and thievery. Faeries cannot lie, so they are very eloquent with their words and how they phrase things.” 

“If I were to ask one a question, would it answer me truthfully?” You asked. 

Mara shrugged, “Perhaps, though I would not count on it. They might try to get something from you in return. Never accept any offer they make you, magic always comes with a price and more likely than not it is a terrible price to pay. Do not celebrate with them. Do not show great emotion to a faerie either. I remember hearing of a young woman who was grieving the passing of her husband late one night outside by the wicker well, one moment she was there sobbing her heart out and the next she was gone- vanished without a trace.” 

Taken.. Like whoever fell victim to Seungmin and Jeongin. 

“These are the rules my father instilled in me, and his father before him. Each child of my village grew up knowing the terrors of what lurked beyond what our natural eyes could see.” Mara finished her task, coming around to the front of you now. “There we go, looking as polished as ever, your highness.” 

“Thank you Mara. And thank you for sharing with me the tales from your childhood.” You smiled weakly at her, putting your hand on her shoulder. Her words ran through you as you took them in. You had definitely broken many of these rules already and that alone made you incredibly uneasy. But at the same time you felt hopeful? Now that you know the rules of the fae, maybe you could use them to avoid trouble with them should you wish to return to them. 

“You’re welcome, but do not go sharing this with anyone else. I do not need anyone coming after my head for filling yours with strange ideas.” She huffed making you laugh. 

“I won’t tell a soul. I promise.” You made an ‘X’ over your heart. 

“Now you must hurry along, I am sure your guests are already waiting for you in the dining hall to commence preparations.” She patted your back and sent you to the door. But before you could leave the room she called out, “Wait, I almost forgot the most important rule regarding the fae.” You turned back to face her again. “Never, under any circumstance, fall in love with a faerie, they will never love you the same and it will always end in tragedy.” 

For a reason you can’t explain you felt your heart break ever so slightly at her warning. 

Dread did not even begin to describe the way Chris felt as he traveled to the Court of Wonder. For him it had been a week since Pricilla’s threat of war and as much as he did not wish to see her he knew he couldn’t put off the meeting any longer. The journey to the Court of Wonder was a long one, the two lands were separated by the vast seas of the Summer court and could only be traversed by boat. 

Chris always loved the sea. The dark inky depths reminded him of his own home, but instead of an endless void the water was teeming with life. When he was younger he spent hours upon hours exploring the Summer Courts many ecosystems with the sea always being his favorite. It was where he met Minho. 

The fae prince had paid a hefty amount of gold to a Kobold to ferry him across the water. The reptilian trickster tried to swindle him out of even more money but one look into the glimmering amethyst of Chris’s eyes made the little coward realize that Chris was a powerful being that should not be messed with, even a creature as stupid as a Kobold would not dare challenge the dark prince.

As he traveled Chris let his mind wander. He remembered the first time he met Minho on these very seas. 

The prince was young, only a few centuries old at that point, long before he had taken control over his court. Chris had once again ran away from his court in search of… well anything really. An escape from his reality. The pressures of princely responsibilities were weighing on him heavier than ever and it was becoming too much for the boy to accept. After yet another dispute with his mother he fled the court, venturing as far as he could until he entered the territory of the Summer Court and even then he did not stop. He went all the way to the water, standing upon a cliffside that overlooked a tropical archipelago. 

Chris had never seen anything like it before in his entire life, the vastness of the water rivaled that of the galaxies of his home. His purple eyes took in every detail; from the crashing waves to the shaking of spindly palm trees. But what really caught his attention was the large ship that was speeding over the waves, a large red sail swaying in the wind as it went. Pirates. The prince was giddy as he jumped down from the cliffside, aiming right for the vessel. 

He landed directly on his feet smack dab in the middle of the top deck, a bright smile on his face and an excited twitch in his fingers. Not even the shouts in concern from the crew could shake him. Or the sword that was suddenly being pointed right at his throat. 

A boy, younger than him but not by much, with catlike eyes and dark shaggy hair sneered at Chris as he held the sword to the prince's neck. “Who the fuck are you?” 

“Chris.” He was still smiling, clearly unfazed. 

“Well, ‘Chris’, what are you doing on our ship? Come to take our treasures?” The boy asked, taking in the boy's strange appearance. Chris did not look like any fae from the Summer court, he was much too pale. The boy still did not lower his weapon.

“Minho,” A voice called out, making the boy cast his gaze quickly at another man with fiery orange hair. This man was wearing a black tricorn hat that had a plume of red feathers sticking out. He seemed familiar to Chris but he couldn’t quite place why. “Mind your manners when you're around royalty.” 

“Royalty, huh? Doesn’t look like any royal I know.” Minho scoffed but slowly lowered his weapon nonetheless. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while, Chris. What brings you to my ship? Did you get tired of your pretty palace in the sky like I did with mine?” Ahh yes, now Chris remembered who this is- Prince Hongjoong of the Summer court. He hadn’t seen the orange haired boy in a long time, he had stopped attending the balls that the Court of Stars threw many years ago. Chris heard he had abandoned his crown and became estranged from his family. Chris was envious of him.

He offered a shrug, tilting his head back and forth, “Ah you know how it is, Hongjoong. Sometimes those gems are too heavy on one's head.” Chris used his thumb to motion to Minho, who still had his slitted pupils were still locked in on Chris. “Where did you find this rabid thing?” 

“You watch your mouth you assh-” 

“Ehh put the claws down kitty cat, it was a compliment. You need to be a little crazy to hang out with Hongjoong.” He winked cheekily at Minho, making him scowl even further but Chris also saw a light dusting of pink on the tips of his ears. 

“Minho is a soldier I plucked from the dessert militia. He’s got quite a sharp mind; great for battle strategy. You’d be impressed Chris.” Hongjoong smirked. 

“Won’t the Summer Court miss someone like that?” Chris asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Of course they will. But only the best get to join my crew.” Both boys chuckled while Minho just looked annoyed. “The offer extends to you as well Chris. I’d love to have you in my little band of misfits.” 

The offer weighed heavy on Chris’s shoulders. It was extremely tempting and something he had actually thought about in great detail. Ultimately he knew he couldn’t stay away forever. His court relied on him too much- his mother relied on him too much.

The rest was history. Whenever Chris felt the need to escape he would leave his court and head to the Summer Court, joining the pirate crew known as ‘Ateez’ as they traveled and becoming great friends with Minho. Such good friends that Minho left the crew and joined Chris in leading his court when his mother passed. 

It was a good memory, one that Chris cherished. Being back on these waters gave him a sense of calm he longed for, even though where he was headed was far from peaceful. 

Chris knew this bullshit threat was only to get his attention. Everything Pricilla did was to get his attention. 

He knew he never should have entertained her in the first place. He had let his cock think for him instead of his head one too many times and this was the consequence of his actions. Chris had hoped the psychotic queen would move on from her infatuation with him- it had been over five hundred years since he had indulged her- but it seems like his wishful thinking was just that; a wish. And unfortunately the prince cannot grant his own wishes, no matter how hard he tries. 

Chris let his eyes scour the water, looking for the divine secrets that lay below the crystalline waves. His pupils enlarged to encompass his whole eye as he focused, his sight enhancing significantly. Just as he had thought they were sailing over a colony of merfolk. He could see the massive reefs they build their homes out of. The fishlike humanoids were infamously elusive and great at remaining hidden so he wasn’t able to make out any of the creatures themselves much to his dismay. 

The fae prince sighed and returned his sight back to normal. Maybe one day he would send Jeongin down there to make contact. The Sea Foam court and the merfolk were known to have a cordial report and it certainly wouldn’t hurt to have another allied species in case something went south. Though a petty part of him did not want to ask the youngest boy for anything. He was still irate at Jeongin and Seungmin for ruining his time with you. 

Most of his thoughts lately were of you. His lost princess. He wondered what you were doing, if you were still upset with him and if he would ever see you again. The man still did not know what had made you so upset in the first place. He had not said anything that was not the truth but for some reason you took that as a personal dig. Minho had laid into him about having sensitivity for a weaker species that night when he returned. 

Chris hoped you were not still mad at him. For reasons he could not explain he felt an ache in his chest at the thought of you hating him forever. It shouldn’t matter. You were just a human after all. Your opinion of him shouldn’t bother him at all.

But it does. 

It bothers him beyond comprehension. He already thought the world of you- the runaway princess with a voice like pure silk and a body crafted by the goddess of sex herself. The moment he laid eyes on you he knew you were something special. So the fact that you seemed so.. Disgusted by what he said made him want to rip his curly hair from his head. 

The long ride finally came to an end as the boat entered the edge of the Court of Wonder. The kobold bowed to the prince when he exited the boat, throwing another gold piece to the small creature as he passed. 

The lands of the Court of Wonder were full of splendor. A land full of magical creatures and all things extraordinary. The pixie forests glowed with vibrant colors and the mountains shimmered with the pure gold they were made from. To anyone who had never been there before it would be captivating; to him though it was a shithole. 

Standing at the edge of the dock awaiting his arrival was a tall fae man; the man had vibrant orange skin that resembled dragon scales and he was wearing a long black cloak. Chris recognized him instantly. This was Jasper, one of Pricillas hounds. Seemed like she wanted to guarantee his arrival. 

The ‘hounds’ were Pricillas most precious possessions. They were a group of fae that hailed from the Court of Wonder, hand picked by the Queen herself to be on her guard. That in itself was all well and good- many fae folk had unique magical abilities that were useful to a court- but word in the rumor mill was that these were no ordinary fae; that they were genetically modified by Pricilla to be stronger, sharper, deadlier. No longer were they regular guards, now they were an elite team who did her bidding without question- no matter how sadistic or inhumane the request.

The aura that this man gave off was pure menace and if Chris was a weaker fae he might have even shuddered under his scrutinizing red eyes. 

But he was not a weaker fae. Chris had royal blood that granted him not only strength but powers of his court. The prince knew if it came down to it he could probably defeat Jasper one on one… but he also knew the ‘Hounds’ rarely ever traveled completely alone. He wouldn’t be able to fight off more than one at a time. 

At least not without the powers of the crown… 

The reptilian fae lowered himself slightly in a customary bow to the prince, though his eyes did not leave Chris’s for even a second. “Welcome to the Court of Wonder, Prince Chris. Your presence has been long awaited.” 

Chris huffed and wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes I am aware. Pricilla hasn’t stopped demanding my presence for a millennium.” 

Jasper seemed to ignore the comment, gesturing for Chris to follow him. The fae prince walked one step behind the other man in silence. It was uncomfortable to say the least. They walked for a few minutes until they came upon a glowing pillar that looked to be made of pure blue agate crystal. 

Jasper halted right in front of the pillar, then turned back to look at Chris. “Place your hand upon the crystal. And hold your breath.” 

Chris sighed then without hesitation stuck his palm directly to the pillar. The second his skin touched the cool gem his body was encapsulated in a beam of pure light. It was hot- burning, searingly hot and he felt his feet lift from the ground and his vision disappeared as all he could see was the blinding rainbow light. Then just as soon as it came, it was gone. 

His feet landed back on the ground and his sight cleared up. Just as he had suspected; the pillar was a teleportation crystal. They were pretty common in the larger courts, they made it easier to get around. His own court did not have any, so he wasn’t the most familiar. 

He now found himself standing in front of the huge castle that belonged to the aristocracy of the Court of Wonder. It was made of pure gold, a product of the mines that resided in the mountains, and was bigger than any other castle he had seen anywhere in the fae wilds. It was also surrounded in miles and miles of blooming flower fields, as far as the eye could see. The gardens were Pricillas pride and joy.

‘Of course she has to have the biggest and best of everything.’ He grumbled in his mind. 

Two guards clad in bronze armor opened the large wide set doors as he approached, offering him low bows as he passed him. God, he was so sick and tired of all the bowing. So tired of everyone knowing he was royal. If he wasn’t royal his life would have been simpler- he wouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit in this bullshit court. 

Chris strolled into the palace and through its glittering vast halls. He did not stop and entertain any of the servants that addressed him nor did he slow his steps until he entered the throne room in the center of the castle. 

When he entered the room he was met with the reason for his visit; Pricilla. The queen was lounging sideways on her plush throne, her feet hanging off the side and kicking back and forth in giddiness. Her horizontal pupils settled on him as he entered and her lips curled up into a wicked smile, her pearly white jagged teeth on display. 

“Well there he is, the man of the hour.” Pricilla waved her lithe fingers at him in a teasing manner. “So glad you finally decided to come visit me. It only took an active threat to your people to get you here.” She giggled maniacally as if she had said the funniest thing in the world. 

There was something..off about the Queen. Something different. Pricilla had always been a beautiful woman but now her normally vibrant yellow skin seemed to have lost a touch of its glittering luster, and her usually long flowing hair that was deep blue was cropped short to about her shoulders- but it was choppy and uneven as if she had cut it herself. Even her clothes looked askew. She had always cared too much about her appearance, so the fact that she looked so worn down had really thrown him off.  

“I am here. Just as you demanded. Now what do you want, Pricilla?” He asked, crossing his arms and getting right to the point. He wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t miss me.” She laughed and lifted one side of her dress, showing off her thigh to him in an attempt at enticing him. When he didn’t react to her all Pricilla pouted, throwing her head back with a whine. “Come on Chrissy you can’t pretend forever.”

“And what exactly am I pretending to do, Pricilla?” 

“Acting like you don’t like me.” She huffed, “As if our time together meant nothing to you!” 

“It did mean nothing to me, Pricilla.” He glared at her, getting fed up with her already. “In fact it meant less than nothing.” 

Chris saw her grit her teeth, “Now you’re just being cruel to me.” 

“I am being cruel to you? No, what’s cruel is threatening a war all because you aren’t getting my attention. What's cruel is sending Changbin crashing down in a ball of fire after all he wanted to do was talk with you.” He clenched his fists at his side. 

The look on her face became confused, “Wait, who is Changbin, again?” 

Chris rubbed his face in frustration, “The one who came to see you last week… that you sent plummeting down in a cocoon of flames.. That put a giant hole in my courtyard. ” 

She snapped in recollection, “Ah yes spring court faerie with the pink hair! He was a cutie pie I must admit.” She snickered briefly then her face hardened again. “But he was not who I requested. I asked for you, Chrissy. And I won’t be ignored. Not by you or anyone.” 

“I am busy, Pricilla. I have a court to run. I would think you’d know a little about that seeing as you’re a ruler yourself.” 

She grinned at him again, “Ah but I am a Queen. You have been neglecting your court by dividing it in pieces instead of just dawning the crown yourself.” Her broken nails tapped on the twinkling sun emblem on the crown that was embedded in her skull. To wear the crown was to become the crown- there was no taking it off. “They need a proper ruler, Chris. A strong, handsome king. And they’ll need an equally strong Queen.” 

There it was. 

Chris rolled his eyes so far into the back of his head he could almost see his brain. “You have your own court, you do not need mine as well.” 

“But think about how incredible it could be if we were to join our two courts together! We would be unstoppable! And our children would grow up in the most magical place to ever exist! All you have to do is put on that ugly vine-y crown and your powers would allow you to-” 

“Pricilla that is enough!” Chris raised his voice at her for the first time, glaring at her as his eyes darkened until they were a deep almost black purple color. He could see how taken aback she looked at his outburst but he continued before she could speak again. “You never know when to fucking quit! I have told you over and over again that you and I are never going to be together. I fucked you one time, that’s it. Grow up and get the fuck over it.” 

“Chris, come on-” 

“No! You have disrespected me and my court for the last time with this bullshit! I will not stand for your insults to my family's legacy any longer. This ends here and now.” 

The prince expected her to cry and whine and beg like she always does, but instead he was met with her intense stare and complete silence from the seelie Queen. He had never seen her so silent and still before, as if she was made of stone. After what felt like eternity she seemed to snap back into reality. 

“Alright.” 

He raised a brow in confusion, “Alright? That’s all you have to say now?” 

“Yes.” She nodded slowly. Her face was neutral but Chris could see something wicked brewing behind her eyes. “I concede. I won’t pursue you any longer.” 

“And you’ll retract your threat of war among our courts?” He pressed. 

She nodded again, “Yes, there will be no war.” 

He cleared his throat, finding this went way too easily but not looking a gift horse in the mouth. “Excellent. I am glad we could put this to rest.” 

“Me as well. Maybe we can move past all of this and even become.. Friends?” She asked, tapping her nails on the side of her throne.

He didn’t know what game she was playing or what her intentions were, but he also knew it would be best to try and move on for the sake of peace. The wilds did not need a spat amongst royals. 

“Friends would be lovely.” He conceded. 

Pricilla clapped ecstatically and the shrill giggle made Chris’s ears hurt. “Perfect. Then I look forward to being the very best of friends. Don’t you, Chrissy?” 

He winced slightly, then cleared his throat and nodded. Better to agree with her and be done with it once and for all. “Of course. Now that we have put this mess behind us, and can move on-” 

“As friends,” She cut him off with a smirk. 

“Yes. As friends.” He continued, trying to hold in his agitation, “I will be taking my leave now. Take care of yourself, Pricilla.” He gave her a shallow bow of his head. 

The seelie woman waved her fingers at him, “Byyyyye Chrissy.” 

The prince turned on his heel and walked out of the throne room, then down the halls and out of the front door, not stopping until he was outside. Once he was outside he finally let out a frustrated breath. Chris was thrown off by how easy it was to come to an agreement with her. It felt wrong somehow. There had to be an ulterior motive- with her there always was- but he really did not want to dwell on it. For now ,at least, there would be peace and that was enough for him.

Now he wanted to get the hell out of this court. 

Your heart felt heavy as you walked down the halls. Mingyu had once again accompanied you down to breakfast this morning, you could tell the man wanted to say something about the distant look in your eyes but he did not. You thanked him for walking you and he bowed then opened the double doors leading to the dining room. 

Walking into the room you could see that only your mother and queen Jeonywon were seated at the table enjoying a few pastries. The other Queen was the first to notice you as you entered, “Ah Y/n dear, come join us. We were discussing the floral arrangements for the ceremony.” 

“Good morning Mother. Good morning, your majesty.” You greeted them both politely before you took your seat in front of the two women. 

“Yes yes, good morning, anyways Jeonywon I was thinking something classy,” Your mother began, barely paying you any mind like usual. “Perhaps camellias. The dark pink blush color would go quite heavenly with Y/n’s complexion.” 

“Hmm, that may be a nice choice. I suppose some babies breathe and some Cymbidium would do well as fillers…” 

You began to drown them out, not really caring much for the conversation since you knew you wouldn’t get a say in anything either way.. As if it wasn’t your wedding.. 

As tasty as you knew the food to be, you did not have much of an appetite so you only lightly picked at some fruit so as to not draw attention to you not eating. After managing to get down a single strawberry you went to take a drink of some water. You lifted your crystal glass up to your mouth and took a sip, but as you were lowering it back down you noticed a strange reflection in the glass, like someone was standing directly behind you. No, not just someone.. 

You could see a reflection of Minho staring back at you. 

A startled gasp escaped you and you whipped your head around to look behind you. There was no one there, only the servants who stood along the edge of the room. Nothing and no one out of the ordinary. ‘Was I just imagining it?’ You must have been, there was no way Minho was here. 

“Y/n, are you alright?” 

Dammit, you forgot about the other two women with you at the table. You nodded in response, “Yes, your majesty. My apologies for the outburst, I had a.. Tickle that startled me.” 

It was not a very good lie but it seemed to convince them both anyways. “Well finish up your breakfast dear, we have a meeting with the modiste shortly and we mustn't be late.” 

“A meeting with the modiste, mother?” You were slightly confused and unable to put the pieces together. 

“For your wedding gown. We only have a few days to prepare so every second counts.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip and lightly pushed your plate away from you, definitely not up to eating any longer. 

The three of you had loaded into the most pristine carriage that your family owned (your mother clearly wanted to show off our best assets to the other ruler), and you were on your way into the town. The carriage passed by the bustling streets filled with the common people going about their day. You could see people selling their wares in little stalls and a few working men on their way to work. Of course there were also a few people stopping to stare and point at the sight of the royal carriage being pulled by the pure white horses. 

You wished you were out there with them instead of stuck in this cramped compartment on your way to imminent doom. That’s how you felt, at least. Being here with these two chattering queens was almost like literal torture for you as they yammered on and on about what type of lace and stitching would be best for your dress.

Looking out into the crowds you noticed a few familiar faces; A woman named Kate who sold flowers was setting up her bouquets, a young man that you knew from the tavern was walking with a small child in his arms, and you even caught a glimpse of Vernon as he exited a shop. 

A flash of dark hair and pointed ears caught your attention. Standing there on the side of the road in the middle of the crowd was Minho. You leaned over towards the window of the carriage to get a better look, but just as quickly as you saw him he was gone, vanished without a trace as if he was never even there. Using your closed fist you rubbed your eyes and sat back into your seat once again. 

What is going on? Am I actually losing my mind?

Maybe you were losing your mind. Maybe everything you experienced, everything you saw was just insanity. It had to be- it didn’t seem plausible that you were the only one that could see them for what they were or could be the only one to see him now. That's what it was, you decided. Just insanity brought on by the stress of your arranged marriage. You would get through this next week and your premonitions would cease. There was no such thing as faeries. There was no Chris and Minho. 

Or.. 

They were toying with you. Perhaps they were using their tricks on you to make you think you’ve gone insane. If what Mara said was to be believed and true, then the otherworldly beings did not hold the same morals or ethics as most mortals do. Minho had said that humans only see what the fae wanted them too. So there was a very real possibility that all you were to them was a plaything.

You were not sure which option hurt you the most. 

Your panicked thoughts were interrupted by the sudden stop of the carriage. Glancing out the window again you saw you had made it to the modiste. You were so lost in your own mind after seeing Minho that you had completely blanked out the majority of the ride. 

A footsman opened the carriage door with a bow and held a hand out to help you out. With a hand on your hems to keep from tripping you were led out and into the store. 

A woman you had never met before greeted you all you entered. She clasped her hands out in front of her and offered a bow to the queen's first and then to you. “Welcome your majesties.  Welcome your highness. I am so grateful and pleased to have you in my shop.” 

You glanced around the shop, not seeing the elderly woman who usually attended to you when you visited. “Where is Dohee?” 

“Oh, Ms. Dohee was my teacher and after she felt I had completed my apprenticeship she retired and left the shop to me.” The girl blushed and tucked some hair behind her ear. She was pretty, you noticed, and seemed to be around your age. “My name is Lisa. It is my ultimate pleasure to make your acquaintance, your highness.” 

“It is nice to meet you as well.” You offered a shy smile. 

“Lisa,” Your mother began as she browsed the different racks of fabrics, “I trust you have something drawn up for us to see?” 

The girl nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, your majesty!” She pulled out a large sketchbook and flipped to the back of the pages and brought it over to you and the Queens. “I began to work something up the second I was informed of the engagement. I was up all night, actually.” 

Lisa presented you with a drawing of an elegant gown that had a tight fitted bodice and puffed sleeves. It was a nice drawing but it did not really feel like what you imagined your dress to look like. Before you could respond with those exact words your mother cut you off and snatched the book away from you. “Now this is just splendid! Exactly what I was thinking.” 

Lisa beamed and gave another small bow in gratitude. “I am so happy to hear that, your majesty does have fine taste indeed. And how about you, your highness?” She asked you. 

“Well actually perhaps we-” 

“She loves it.” Once again you couldn’t get your own words out. You begin to feel the tips of your ears heat up in frustration but you bite your tongue. “My daughter is an elegant girl and needs an elegant dress. Right, dear?” Your mother slightly narrowed her eyes at you with an unspoken threat to make you agree. 

You wrung your hands together and gave a tentative nod, “Yes, of course mother.” 

Queen Jeonywon took a look at the sketch next, “How beautiful! Kookie is just going to love this.” She nodded in approval then handed the sketchbook back to Lisa.

Lisa ushered you onto the pedestal and pulled out a few measuring tapes. You do not know why you were hopeful that maybe you would have gotten even a slight say in your dress, but it was very apparent to you as the two matriarchs droned on about what lace they think would be best and how long the train should be that this was not really your wedding; it was more for them than anything else. 

These last twenty four hours felt like a fever dream - and perhaps it still was, that notion was still up in the air for you-  but you just wanted it to end.You felt weak and powerless, not the glowing bride you wanted to be. A wedding was supposed to be a joyous occasion, one shared between lovers and friends. It was supposed to be about love, not whatever farce this was. 

An overwhelming bout of panic hit you like a train suddenly. This was all becoming too much for you to handle. Your chest was beginning to feel tight and you felt your breathing start picking up.  Shakily you lifted a hand and placed it on your heart in an attempt to quell its harsh beating. You vaguely recognized Lisa’s voice asking you to put your hand down so she can continue but her words went in one ear and out of the other. 

Blurry spots began to form in your vision and extreme dizziness made you stumble back. Your hand that was on your heart now has migrated up to your head. Your breathing got even more accelerated and you felt your lungs burn.

“Your highness, are you alright?” 

That was the last thing you heard before you went toppling down into darkness. 

as always comments and reblogs are encouraged and appreciated 💖 please share your thoughts i love to hear them

beta read by my loves @jehhskz and @athforskz 💜

©doitforbangchan 2024

Taglist

@crystal00501 @ldysmfrst @moonlostinthemoonlight  @livixcore @tirena1 @sunnyhonie @catlove83 @channieandhisgoonsquad @wealwayskeepfighting @wolfs-howling @paborachaslvt @bahablastplz @furioussheepluminary @softkisshyunjin @tsunderelino @moonchild9350 @tired7o7 @eastleighsblog @fox-in-y @igetcarriedawaywithyou @m00njinnie @seungfl0wer @buffyspice

[genekies]

tag vent

[rowenabean]

[iero]

Let it be known that one of my absolute worst flaws is I am a huge, HUGE homebody... At 29 years old... 

[moe-broey]

Anyways I'm back from The Labyrinth and Philadelphia (may or may not qualify as a labyrinth itself)

[w0nderland]

Ugh I’m experiencing sad girl hours but I don’t have anyone to talk to about it which contributes to the sad girl hours

[slippery-minghus]

...

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Maybe I just miss havin someone else to blame

[toastsnaffler]

argh..

[gojonanami]

❝ 𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐒 ❞

❝ BEING PROF. GETO'S T.A. IS SO HARD BECAUSE HE'S SO HOT!! ❞

✧ pairing: professor!geto x f!reader (part two of the prof geto series)

✧ summary: you're now professor geto's t.a. for the semester, forced to spend time with the man that you so desperately want, either of you barely able to hold back when you're around the other, so what happens when you're forced to go to a conference with him...and there's only one bed.

✧ warnings: 18+, nsfw, a lot of smut (mostly fantasy), depictions of student/teacher relationship (only ok in fiction not irl!!!), reader is a grad student in my mind, but age is vague, so much mutual pining, bed sharing, cuddling, masturbation (f + m), oral (m! receiving), fingering (f! receiving), sex (p in v), semi public sex (sorta), office sex (kinda), amateur's take on moral philosophy and ethics, art by @/nino84391425

✧ wc: 16,821 (apparently i am writing a novel lol) | part one | part three | part four

“On time for once?” Professor Suguru Geto remarks without looking up from his notes on the podium, even as your footsteps echo in the empty lecture hall, “color me surprised,” 

“Couldn’t be late on my first day as a teacher’s assistant, now could I?” and his lips curl in that damnable smile, as he finally glances up from his notes to see you looking far too gorgeous in his button up — one you had oh so generously relieved him of last night, pilfered away in your bag seemingly. 

“But you could be late on your first day as a student?” and you lick your lips, as you draw closer to him, “seems like you’re quite the hypocrite, not very ethical,” 

“Don’t think what we did last night was very ethical either,” you murmur, enjoying the way his dark eyes glaze over for a moment with the thoughts what you both did — the places touched, the moans heard, and the pleasure had — “plus, I definitely have an incentive to be on time now,” your fingers graze his, and why does his touch always feel like coming home. 

“And what’s that, sweetheart?” he murmurs, running the back of his hand against your cheek. 

“Your gorgeous face,” you smile, leaning close as your lips brush, “and some stolen kisses before class,” 

“And what makes you think you’ve earned them, my favorite student?” He teases, as his fingers slide to the back of your neck, and his other hand snakes around your waist, tugging you close. 

“Oh, I have a few ways to earn them, Professor,” your fingers drag down his chest, “but I don’t know if we have the time before class to—“ 

And his lips find yours — needy and bruising, as your fingers clutch at his shirt, the pressed fabric now definitely creased under your touch, “we’ll make time,” he murmurs, as he leans back to drag his thumb down your plush lips, “I still have many things to teach you, and what time is there like the present?” 

He’s leaning down to press a kiss to your lips— 

RING. RING. RING. 

Your eyes snap open, a groan crawls its way out of your throat, as you fumble for your phone to silence the dreaded ringing. You lie back on your bed, a distinct ache between your legs that makes you squirm, and only want to bury yourself back into your bed and possibly the reality that existed within only your dreams. 

But this was sadly reality, and you had about two hours before your first class as a teacher’s assistant for Professor Suguru Geto’s ethics and moral philosophy class. And two hours before you would see Professor Geto for the first time since you had made out. 

You turn over, pressing your face into your pillow. You wondered if you tried hard enough, if you could suffocate yourself before then. 

Probably not. That would be far too lucky. 

~~~

Professor Suguru Geto couldn’t sleep — instead he spent his time staring at his ceiling, the blades of his fans spinning above him, just like his mind was — in circles. It was as if he almost didn’t want to risk his dreams taunting him, it was the same reason he had buried himself in research over the semester break, the same reason he had put off emailing you the materials for the semester, and the same reason he hadn’t seen you since that day you had kissed. 

It was too much of a risk. 

You were risk personified, even for a risk averse theologian he liked to think himself as. But you were the thing of myths, the dangled food for Tantalus, the far too warm sun for Icarus, and the promise of gold for King Midas. But you were not a myth — you were real, his student made of flesh and bone, the same flesh he had pressed into his desk just a few short weeks ago, his legs parting your thighs, his fingers itching to rip your pantyhose off your legs— 

He sighed, this wasn’t helping — his bedside clock blinked back at him mockingly — he only had a few hours before his first class. He should try to sleep even a little. So he did, shutting his eyes, and hoped he wouldn’t dream of you. 

But he couldn’t possibly be that lucky. 

How many times have you stood in front of this office door? Your Professor, to which this office belongs, would joke that it was far too many to count — and you’d be better speculating how many times that Sisyphus rolled the boulder up the same hill. But the last time you had been in it was the thing that made you hesitate now. 

But that was your entire relationship wasn’t it? A game of chicken, wondering who would hesitate first — and neither of you were the type to hold back. Except when it came to this — except when it came to your feelings for the other. 

You shake your head, trying to shake your anxious thoughts free of their eternal bounce around your skull, and grit your teeth before finally knocking. 

“I’m actually right here,” a voice behind you says, making you jump, as you whip around, nearly pressed against his office door. And now you stood face to face with the man who owned it.

And how was it that every time you saw him, he was achingly more perfect than the time before? His ebony hair was half down, black locks brushing against his shoulders, the rest tied up in a neat bun. A crisp white button up underneath a neutral toned knit sweater vest, the shirt very much like the one you had stolen in your dream. 

Perfect. 

“Professor Geto,” you offer a small smile, trying your best to keep your eyes on his, instead of drifting over his form, “it’s good to see you,” 

“It’s good to see you as well, and so prompt,” he says, brushing past you to unlock his office, “made a habit of being on time these days?” 

“Well, when your professor reprimands you in front of the entire class, you try to make a habit of being on time,” why did it feel like your dream was repeating yet again? It’s not as if your relationship with him wasn’t cyclical enough — life imitating dreams was almost far too much. He opens the door for you, letting you enter first, before he follows you in, “and aren’t you the late one this time?” 

His lips quirk, as he rounds his desk, and takes a seat, “You really can’t make it a conversation with me without giving me shit, huh?” 

“Language,” you chide, as you sit across from him, “not very appropriate for an academic setting,” and you have to bite back the want to say that you’ve done plenty of inappropriate things in this office the last time you both were here. 

“Well, our track record isn’t known for being very appropriate, now is it?” Or maybe you didn’t need to say it, because the way he was looking at you told you everything you needed to know. But that didn’t mean either of you would act on it. He licked his lips, mouth parted to say something, his gaze heavy. 

And the moment is broken when his email goes off — you squeeze your bag a little tighter, as you busy yourself with digging through your bag for the materials to go over. That sound was nearly traumatizing in this office, not only did it usually signal the start of some assignment you had to trudge your way through — it also was the sound that had ended your relationship before it even really began. 

“Class starts in an hour, so I thought we could have this meeting just to review the syllabus and see if you have any questions — as well as just overall any questions you had about being a T.A.,” he explains, pressing his pen to his lips, “I understand this is your first time being a T.A.?” 

“It is, I hadn’t really considered it until the department head approached me about that,” and he nods, a flash of emotion that surfaces for only a moment before dissipating, “what will my responsibilities be?” 

“Good question,” a smile pulls the corners of his lips, “obviously, as a T.A., you will have office hours that you can decide with your own discretion—” 

“So it’s okay if I have them once a month at 3:00 AM?” and he rolls his eyes as you bite your lip at the sight — why was everything he did so effortlessly attractive? 

Fucking unfair. 

“Witching hour, how apt,” he murmurs, as he tilts his head, “but they should be weekly, as I’m sure you know, and held not in the middle of the night, when nights should be used for other things,” and you have to bite back your reply, like what? 

And then he continues to explain, “You can also help with some grading — mostly entering grades online for me since you know I love to handgrade,” 

“Oh yes, truly enjoyed having my self-esteem cut to shreds after receiving a paper back,” you scribbled notes down in your notebook, “glad I won’t be on the receiving end this time,” 

“If you’re good, that is,” and you knew it slipped from his lips — from the way his lips parted, the way his body froze for half a second as if he had shocked himself — and he had, because the spark between you two remained, a weed stubbornly cracking through concrete, “sorry—’ 

“You don’t have apologize,” you shake your head, waving him off, “it’s really fine,” 

“It’s not,” he said softly, placing the syllabus down on the desk, “I know we agreed to keep our relationship professional,” 

“We did,” Yes, you both did — sort of. 

“And I want us to do that—” 

And you ask the question you weren’t brave enough to ask the last time you two had seen each other, “Why is that again?” 

When the email had come, it was as if a spell had broken — the rosy colored lenses had come off, only to leave the hard glare of reality behind. Your limbs still entangled while you both reread the email off of his screen — as if it would say something different the millionth time over. 

It didn’t. 

And then the awkward clamor of disengaging, slow limbs pulling apart, as the warmth of his embrace left as quickly as it had come. Silence as the two of you let the news settle in, like a noose tightening around your necks, and you slowly slid off his desk. 

“If I’m your T.A.,” you had said slowly, adjusting the skirt of your dress, “we can’t do this, can we?” and he had only nodded, his gaze unable meet yours, fixed to the rug on the floor of his office, and he could only muster two words as you brushed past him and gathered your things—

“I’m sorry.” 

But even so, you couldn’t remember why it was a bad idea? Why was it so wrong for the two of you to do this? What difference did it make that you were his T.A.? It was still against the rules either way — it was still unethical either way — so why, why did it matter? 

But he knew why, from the way his brow creased with lines and his lips pursed and the way his eyes yet again couldn’t quite reach yours — as if you’d spot something in them that he didn’t want to see. 

“Because we’re going to working together all semester long, with students in class who will see us each week,” he licked his lips, leaning back in his chair, “because it was already problematic if we saw each other without any classes or connection, but now — if you’re my T.A. and my girlfriend, how would I even properly supervise you?” and he swallows, adam’s apple bobbing as he blows air through his teeth, before his voice grows softer, “how would I focus on guiding you and our students if I’m too busy gazing into your eyes or staring at your lips or wanting to—” he cuts himself off, “you know it’s not a good idea,  most of our students probably wouldn’t notice, but rumors spread and it takes one good rumor to ruin your career,” and he adds, “with how things work, you don’t need me to tell you why it would be worse for you than me, even if I tried to take responsibility,” 

And you did know, knew very well that rumors got out that the two of you were together that nothing would happen to his reputation — perhaps he would be scrutinized a bit more, some judgment and side-eye from other professors and higher ups, but he wouldn’t get vilified like you would. Called a slut or a whore — and those would be some of the kinder names you’d be called, and you can’t imagine what it would do for your career, especially if you stay in academia. And then the rumors would fester and grow, more wondering where your grades came from — whether you had obtained them through honeyed words whispered over pillows and rumpled sheets instead through late nights spent at your desk and weekends practically living at the library. 

“I do know,” you said quietly. But it didn’t mean you wanted to do it anymore than you had that day. A part of you wished he had stopped you when you had turned to leave his office, grabbed your wrist, and pulled you into his arms—but this was hardly a romance novel, “and you’re right,” 

He still has his gaze fixed anywhere but your face, settling his syllabus on his desk now, the silence familiarly filling the room yet again, muscles tense if your body didn’t know whether to flee or to draw closer. 

So you did neither, and instead broke the silence. 

“So would T.A.-ing provide an opportunity for me to teach the class?” and he blinks, eyes snapping up now, as a glimpse of sadness slips away behind his now thoughtful expression. 

“Would you want to do that? I don’t know if I could allow you to lead an entire class, only because some students may take some issue with another grad student teaching them—” 

“I don’t blame them with the tuition costs,” you mutter, and he nods, “don’t nod, it’s your salary I’m paying for,” 

He laughs, a noise you wished you could bottle because you knew it’d be the same as bottling happiness, “Well worth your money after how much your writing and understanding of moral philosophy and ethics has improved,” and you roll your eyes. 

“I see your ego is the same as ever,” and his lips curl, as he crosses his legs, and you fight the cruel temptation of your gaze flickering a little downward. 

“Well, Kant did say an ego is necessary to understand the world meaningfully and therefore act in a moral way,”  you tilt your head, being defensive with philosophy? That was a new one. 

But you weren’t one to let things go — as he very well knew. 

“And he also said that an ego can lead you astray from living a moral life if we become too self absorbed,” and he raises an eyebrow. 

“Are you calling me self absorbed?” 

You bite back a laugh, “Well, you are certainly self interested,” and you gesture around his office, “look at this office,” 

“What about my office?” he gapes at you, and you snort, you’ve seemingly struck a nerve by how wide his jaw dropped. 

“It’s a little…pretentious,” and dare you say it, your professor had a touch of pink painted across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears, 

God he’s even pretty when he blushes. 

“I’m just teasing Professor,” and then you add, “it’s one of my more tedious qualities,” 

And he blinks, before his lips curl in the smile you never tired of seeing, “not tedious, more irritating,” 

You chuckle, before trying to get back on topic, “So you think you could work out me teaching a part of the class?” 

And he nods, “Let me discuss it with the department head — it should be fine,”

“Do I have any other responsibilities?” 

“If it doesn’t conflict with your schedule, you can also attend some classes, students can stay after and ask you questions as well,” and you nod, looking over his class times in the syllabus. 

“I can make the Tuesday one,” and he makes a note, as you rise, “we should go. Don’t want to be late for the first class now do we?” 

And he smiles the same damnable smile, “That would be a terrible first impression,” and his shoulder brushes yours as he opens his office door for you, “after you,” 

God, you thought as you stepped past him, the warmth from the brush of his body still there, this was going to be a long semester. 

If there was one thing you had learned from being a teacher’s assistant for Professor Geto’s class, it was that the students were even more desperate for your professor’s attention than you had thought. You thought your introduction had went relatively well — besides the pointed glares of several….enthusiastic students. 

After his detailed overview of the class, he reaches the resources section of the course syllabus, “Now, I am available at my listed office hours, in which you can make an appointment online. There’s also tutoring services through the university listed as well. And lastly, we have a T.A. for this class, for the very first time,” and he smiles, “Class, please meet your T.A. for this semester,” Professor Geto says your name and gestures to you, sat up in the corner of the lecture hall, and you stand, waving, “your T.A. took this very class last semester and showed great grit and dedication in the class assignments,” you have to stop yourself from shooting him a look, but you can see a hint of a smile on his lips, “She is also a philosophy student, so please, feel free to reach out to her,” 

“Thank you Professor Geto for that…generous introduction,” your pause was slight enough that he caught it, a smile tucked behind an all too fake cough, “I really look forward to working with you all — this class truly had a great impact on my perspective about the world,” and you catch a flicker of an emotion ripple across his face out of the corner of your eye, “my office hours will be posted soon, and I hope we can get to know each other well over the course of this semester.” 

You sit as the students cast their gaze forward again, and the class continues on as usual. You make use of your time by reading for some of your other classes, until class was over. 

And that’s when you really learned something. As requested, you joined Professor Geto at the bottom of the lecture hall to help field questions from the students. 

Except, the students were far more interested in Professor Geto than they were in the course material. 

But maybe it was simply because it was the beginning of the semester right? It couldn’t happen again right? 

It was a good thing you weren’t getting graded because you would earned yourself a zero. As again, the next week, students were only interested in Professor Geto — whether it was because it was for his intellect or — you glanced at the students mooning over him — something else. 

Something you knew very well. 

You were forced to watch a female student flutter her eyelashes, then another brush against him, as she showed him what passage was confusing her, and then another student couldn’t stop staring at his lips. And then you wonder, if it had been another student who kept pestering him week after week, would it have been them instead of you? Would they have shared those moments together? Maybe even they would actually gotten to be in a relationship, instead of watching other people flirt with him—

“Excuse me,” your eyes snap up from your reverie and you see two students, seemingly waiting to speak to you. 

Those students had seemingly taken pity on you and spoke to you about the class, tips, and asked about your office hours. But soon enough, the students filed out one by one until it was just you and Professor Geto. And he’s collecting his things, as he glances at you, lingering still as you check your email on your phone, “Don’t you have class after this?” 

You blink, “how’d you know that?” 

And he’s straightening his notes to place back in his bag, before he turns to look at you over his shoulder, “well you’d always rush off after class so it was either you had class or you didn’t want to be alone with me,” he looks back to his bag and you hear the click of the zipper, “I was hoping it would be the former,” he adds. 

“Well, I never lingered after class when I was taking it either,” you adjust your bag, toying with the strap — why was it anytime you were with him it felt like stepping into quicksand, the more you struggled, the more you sunk — and even if you didn’t move at all, you were still stuck all the same, “didn’t want to get in the way your students stroking your ego,” 

And he raises an eyebrow, “Are we back to my ego again?” 

“I don’t see you shying away from smiles and praise from your students,” and his brow knits together, as he places his bag down on the podium, “no wonder your ego is so large,” 

“What students?” 

“Oh please, the ones swarming your desk after clsss. Didn’t you ever wonder why so many students from different disciplines take your class?” he opens his mouth and then you add, “and don’t say philosophy and ethics apply to every aspect of life,” 

And then he seems to consider the thought, as before his lips curl, as he leans against the podium. 

“Am I detecting some jealousy?” he smirks, and you pause before you scoff — far too quickly. 

“No,” and he only smiles wider. 

He chuckles, “That was convincing. I’m glad your ability to teach is much better than your ability to lie,” 

“I’m not—“ 

“Jealous or not,” and you have to bite back your retort, his gaze freezing you in place, a softness you hated to see — because you didnt know whether it made you want to push him away or pull him close, “there’s only ever been one student who caught my eyes,” 

Ah, there is was — you were sinking again. 

“Really?” you mumble, crossing your arms, “not even one other? You have a habit of unethical behavior for an ethics professor,” 

He’s grabbing his bag, before he’s taking a step forward to whisper, “Only when it comes to you,” and you have to force yourself not shiver at his words warming your skin, “I’ll see you next week,” 

And he’s gone — as you stand in the empty lecture hall next to the podium, the very one from your first dream— and you’re right back where you started. 

Professor Suguru Geto wasn’t the type to make mistakes. He was always meticulous and methodical — he used the very principles to help guide his life — because it gave him a moral framework, a way to interpret the world and his own actions. That’s what had drawn him to ethics in the first place. But then he met you. 

And it seems like he’s made nothing but mistakes since. 

He sat in his office after he practically fled the classroom, forcing his pace to be normal, hoping you didn’t see the flush on his face. Fuck, he tossed the pen he had picked up to start grading away, what was he doing? 

He had told himself it was for the best — again and again when he watches you leave at the end of the last semester. He held his muscles taut as he watched you gather your things, stepping over the crushed pieces of both of your hearts. The two words he had barely choked were the only ones he could manage before he watched his office door shut behind you. 

It was for the best. It was for the best. It was for the best. 

That sentence was on repeat in his mind as he tried to work on his paper over the break — “try” being the operative word. It felt as if even his work hadn't been untouched by you — your impact widespread and all consuming — just as your actual touch was. 

Fuck, he rakes his fingers through his hair, how was he going to survive this week much less this semester? 

He couldn’t afford to be selfish — for your sake and his own. But it didn’t mean he didn’t want to be. He runs a hand over his face — he all but blatantly admitted that he had feelings for you after class. After promising to keep things professional — he was the worst. 

He only wished he was worse enough to do what you both wanted when you asked him in his office why you both couldn’t be together. He wanted to tell you the reasons why you should be — because he couldn’t stop thinking about you despite never seeing you over the break, his heart nearly stopped when he saw you standing in front of his office, and because he couldn’t help but smile when he could see you hesitating in front of the door — but he couldn’t help but smile when it came to you. But he didn’t. 

He couldn’t. 

But he also couldn’t help but toe that damn line in the sand, the one that he had drawn, but the one so desperately wanted to cross. 

And then there was a knock at his door, he sighs, “Come in,” 

The department head enters his office, as Suguru blinks before he gets to his feet to offer his hand, as they exchange greetings, before gesturing for him to sit, “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I saw your email about having your T.A. teach part of your class, and I wanted to get a little more detail about it,” Suguru nods, his face composed, but his body tense — paranoia scratching at the back of his mind, no one happened to see them kiss had they? No one was on campus really at that point. And the door was closed — he probably just wanted more information.  

“What questions did you have?” and the department head runs down his list — what topic would you cover? How much class time would it take? Would he be asking the class first? Would he review your materials beforehand? 

“Well, you both seemed to have thought a lot about this,” he leans back, crossing his leg over the other, “I think having her teach a part of a class is fine, but I would like you both to do it sooner rather than later,” and Suguru opens his mouth, but then he adds, “and I’d like to attend that class,” 

Suguru tilts his head, “You would like to attend my class?” He considers his words carefully, “I was under the impression, based on the rules, the only thing needed to allow a T.A. to teach was the approval of the department head,” his anxiety begins to pick away at his nerves, “it’s not unusual for a T.A. to teach here correct?” 

It was his first time having a teacher’s assistant at this university so perhaps this was a quality check? To ensure both you and him were meeting the standards of the university — and his anxiety added, and to make sure no rules were being broken by either of you. 

“Yes, it’s not unusual, and I have my reasons which I’ll discuss with you after the class,” he checks the time and rises from his seat now, “I have another meeting soon — do you think she can present in two weeks?” 

Suguru hesitates, “I’ll have to ask her but most likely that should be fine,” 

“Okay please send an email cc’ing her and confirm the details,” he says his goodbyes, and he’s gone, as Suguru sits and considers this — what could he be planning? 

Or, his nerves add, what could he be looking for? 

Either way, he pulled up your email — it was going to be an interesting two weeks. 

“Deontology determines whether an action is right or wrong based on a set of rules and principles instead of the consequences of the actions,” you speak to an empty lecture hall, your voice echoing in the silence, “therefore an act that isn’t morally good can lead to a good outcome,” 

You had come into the lecture hall to practice yet again this week. You were cursing your past self for inflicting this optional task on yourself — it had taken far more time than you had expected (what’s new?), taken far more preparation than you thought (again, of course), and now had the fun added pressure of the department head attending. And why was he attending? A wonderful and complete mystery. 

The last two weeks have been amazing for your mental health, truly. 

You were lucky the lecture hall and the building at large was deserted at 8:00 PM — all of the staff and students had all but fled, and you were left with the perfect place to practice. It had been many nights of honing your presentation to the allotted time, leaving time to pose a thought exercise, time to discuss, and for questions. 

You don’t see the door behind you open, nor do you hear it close, as you use the clicker to go through your PowerPoint, switching to the next slide. 

“For example, killing an intruder, based on the consequence would be wrong, as I hope we all know killing is wrong — otherwise, I worry about what will happen when you get your grades back,” you give a brief chuckle — and hope some of the students would pity you with some laughs, and that’s when you hear a small laugh behind you. 

Your head snaps around, flushing when you see Professor Geto standing by the door. He’s wearing a deep royal purple button up and gray slacks, the sleeves rolled up exposing his forearms. 

God, this wasn’t a dream was it? 

“Don’t let me stop you,” he says, his footsteps against the floor grew closer, and your body tenses, until they stop, “go on,” and he leans against the wall behind you. 

“But when you do kill an intruder to protect your family, that’s viewed as right under deontology,” and you can’t focus with his gaze running over you, an all familiar feeling settled over you. Would life imitate dreams again? Would he come over and ask you to continue your presentation as his lips pressed gentle kisses to your neck and shoulder? Would he— 

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you can’t meet his gaze, but you hear his footsteps, “should I go?” 

“No, no, it’s just,” you shake your head, “a little deja vu,” 

He raises an eyebrow, “deja vu?” 

Your blood runs cold. Fuck. 

“I don’t recall you ever presenting like this in my clsss before,” you can't decide if his voice is more thick with confusion or curiosity. 

“Yeah, no, sorry it’s nothing,” you brush him off, your eyes fixed on your notes on the podium, and you know he’s still staring, “what?” 

“I see you’re still not a very good liar,” and you scoff, “what is it that’s gotten you so bothered?” 

“Nothing,” you insist. 

“The more you say that, the less I’m convinced,” and now he’s walking closer, closer still — but you’re fixed in place, “what is it?”

“You never let anything go, do you?” And you turn, your breath catching when you saw how close he was — inches from you, his pretty eyes wide at the sudden movement, his breath warming your lips. Black strands fall in his face, and you have to stop yourself from tucking them behind his ear. Stop yourself from wanting to touch him, stop yourself from wanting him to lean forward, stop yourself from wanting him. 

Nothing good ever came from your want. 

“Only when it’s you,” but this man makes it impossible not to want him. Not when his voice is soft, not when the back of his finger, a knuckle brushes against your cheek. And no words are needed — you can hear it in the silence between you both, you feel it in the gentleness of his touch, and in the softness of his gaze. 

And you know you’re in love with him. You are.

But you can’t be. 

“I’m not telling you,” you murmur, looking away — and it seems to break the spell, as he steps back, nodding, a flicker of sadness that slips away under his facade,  “but maybe I will sometime, over a drink,” you add. 

A smile tugs at his lips, “Well we know how well that went, or didn’t go rather, and you know, we can’t anytime soon,” 

“Well sometimes an action that isn’t morally good can lead to a good outcome,” and he raises an eyebrow. 

“Using deontology to convince me?” He tilts his head, “not a bad strategy — maybe I’ll have you write a paper,” 

“And willingly subject myself to your red pen? No thanks,” and he snorts, before the smile fades into a frown, brow wrinkled in thought, “what is it?” 

“Nothing, I’m just…” he crossss his arms, “I’m wondering why the department head wants to observe your presentation,” 

“He didn’t give any indication why?” and he shakes his head, “maybe he just wants to evaluate how good a job you’re doing,” you add, “you are relatively green,” 

“Not that green,” and you see his lips pressed together — and is he? — he was — he was pouting. You bite your lip how fucking adorable — but you know you’d be met with a scowl if you said that out loud, “don’t you worry that the dean may suspect something between us?” 

The thought had crossed your mind, but class had been nothing but professional so far, and you’d be too busy sweating bullets (and perhaps dodging them from the students if the presentation went poorly) to even consider your feelings for him. 

You sigh, “Look, nothing to do but get through it, right? It should be fine, we’ll deal with whatever comes after. As long as I don’t choke, and you don’t stare at me too adoringly, we should be fine,” 

And you expect a retort, a cheeky reply, or even a quite sarcastic one, but he only gives a small smile, “Right,”

You feel your cheeks burn and you can’t meet his gaze again without feeling your heart flutter. 

Fuck — maybe there was something to worry about. 

Despite the concerns, the presentation goes off without a hitch. You spot the dean sitting in the corner of the lecture hall, pen and notepad in hand, which did nothing to soothe your poor heart (nor did the far too many cups of coffee and the total lack of sleep). 

It happened quick — a blur of speaking, forcing yourself to slow your words down, a necessity when presenting — as you knew you always spoke faster than you believed you did when presenting. You think you even made the students laugh a few times, led an interesting thought experiment with a rousing debate that ended with no clear answer (as always), and then you answered questions. 

All the while, Professor Geto stood in the back, and you’d catch a glimpse of him by the corner of your eye, his lips curled in that smile that haunted all your nights and days. 

By the time it was done, you had barely realized time had gone so quickly, as you passed the metaphorical baton back to Geto. And you took a seat off to the side, opting to watch him lecture, rather than busy yourself with other work. 

It felt like old times, you thought, as you watched him speak. You couldn’t blame the people that took his class just to watch him speak — he was unfairly beautiful when he spoke, gesticulating as he read a Kant quote. And you kept your face as neutral as possible, but he catches your eye for a moment, corner of his lip twitching upwards. And a flush settles over your cheeks, as you discreetly press your thighs together, trying to look suddenly engrossed with your notebook. 

Your heart ached as much as your body did. You wanted to walk over and just kiss him, swallow his smart words along with his gasp, and feel those hands run along your body. You wanted to know every thought in his head, every part of his day, and fall asleep beside him. 

You glance up to see him still speaking — a black strand falling in his face. You bite your lip, before looking back down. 

This man would be the death of you — and it was even worse being alone with him. You’re thankful that your T.A. check-ins with him were every other week, because you couldn’t imagine having to spend more than an hour with him every other week. 

“You want us to do what?” You blink at the Dean, his lips curled in a smile, his hands tucked into his pockets. 

“Apologies for all the secrecy, I did not receive confirmation about this until earlier today,” he explains, “but I want you two to attend this conference on ethics and philosophy  — it’s over the weekend, two weekends from now. It would be a wonderful opportunity for the both of you to make connections and attend presentations, as well as mingle with prospective students. It would also afford us an opportunity for both of you to help put our university on the map,” 

You glance at Professor Geto, his lips parted in surprise, “Sir, is it appropriate for a male professor and a—“ 

“Don’t worry, the accommodations will be separate and it’s a public event, as long as everything remains professional, there’s no problem, right? As long as you two are okay with it and there’s no problem,” he glances between the two of you, “is there a problem?” 

And Professor Geto’s eyebrows knit together. It was a lose-lose situation — saying no meant raising some suspicions that there was an issue between the two of you, but saying yes meant going on a trip with the same professor you had kissed at the end of the last semester. And if anything happened on this trip...it could be very bad — ethically and otherwise. 

So you make the decision for both of you. 

“That’s fine. I’m happy to attend if Professor Geto is,” and you know you have no choice — you had to spend the weekend with him, alone. At a conference. In a hotel.

“Do you have everything?” Professor Geto asks, as you hand him your suitcase, your fingers brushing as you do.  He lifts your suitcase into the trunk of his car, his black t-shirt riding up as he does, a quick flash of the expanse of his muscles—

Fuck, you bite your lip, stop, stop. Professor. He’s a professor. 

It didn’t matter that you had felt him part your thighs, as his lips slid against yours, nor that every time you saw each other, you felt this undeniable ache to touch him, comfort him, hug him, nor that you knew he felt the same and wanted to give in as badly as you did—

No, it didn’t matter. 

You consider his question, scrunching up your face in thought, “I think so, wait,” you snap your fingers as he glances at you, “forgot the rest of my apartment upstairs — you think that’ll fit in there too?” 

He smirks, rolling his eyes as shuts the trunk, “Ha, ha, ever consider becoming a comedian instead of a philosophy major?”

“Every day, but then I think what would my favorite professor do without me?” 

He raises an eyebrow, “I’m your favorite?” 

“Who said it was you?” you grin at him, as he shakes his head and you open the passenger door seat and slide in, as he slips into the driver’s seat. He adjusts his mirrors, buckling his seatbelt, as a sudden wave of guilt bombards you. You had dragged him down this rabbit hole with you — and now the two of you had to spend the entire weekend together, alone. 

You lick your far too dry lips, “Sorry if I roped you into this,” you fidget with your phone, tapping on the screen absentmindedly. 

He starts the car, engine roaring underneath your feet, before he glances at you, brow furrowed in seeming confusion, “What? It’s not you that roped us into this,” 

You purse your lips, “But if I didn’t agree to it—“ 

He sighs, “We were in a position where we didn’t have much of a choice,” his fingers drum against the steering wheel, as his eyes flicker to make sure your seatbelt was on, “it’s not your fault — and it’s not a bad thing — we’ll spend time at the conference, we’ll mingle, and then return to our hotel rooms,” he adds, “don’t worry. Nothing will happen.” 

And his reassurance is almost a punch to the gut instead — and your brain chides you for being so childish — you knew it was for the best, you knew it was the right thing to do, and you knew he was trying what was best for you, and for him. 

But why did it hurt so goddamn much? 

You steal a glance at him as he pulls into the street and begins to drive, dark gaze forward, his hair tied into its usual neat bun, and a chain poked out from underneath the rounded opening around his neck. And then your eyes flicker back out the window.  

Was it really not a big deal to him? 

Because the last two weeks were consumed with nothing, but thoughts of being alone with him. Days spent in conferences, sitting beside each other, whispering thoughts and inside jokes; evenings spent socializing together, waiting for the other to give the signal to leave; and nights walking back to your rooms, fingers brushing as you walked beside each other. You were sure it would take a slight bend of the rules, a gaze that lingers a little too long, to break the paper thin resistance either of you had to the other. The two of you could barely be alone for more than a few minutes without temptation rearing its ugly head — even now your eyes can’t help but trace the curve of his jaw, the way the sunlight catches his eyes, the way your fingers want nothing more than intertwine with his hand that rests on the console between you two. 

But you don’t. You give a weak smile, glancing out the window as the streets of Tokyo pass you by — “Yeah it should be fine.” 

Just fine. 

“There was a problem with your reservation,” 

And after half an hour of waiting off to the side, with your luggage stacked up and irritation creeping its way to a new high as you watched others easily being checked in to the hotel, you assumed there was a problem. If there wasn’t a problem, you would wonder if this was a new take on Waiting for Godot that would end with the both of youu sleeping in the lobby. You rubbed at your temples, as Geto dealt with the hotel staff, his arms crossed, lips a tight line, “the hotel double booked one of your rooms, so we only have one room available for you.”  

You barely heard the rest of the argument your professor had with the hotel staff, the same phrase ringing in your ears — one room, one room, one room. With nothing more to argue about, they finally escorted you both to your room in awkward silence. And as they opened the door, you spotted it — there was only one single queen sized bed. 

One. Bed. 

You felt your cheeks flush, as you couldn’t even meet Geto’s eyes, as he began to speak heatedly with the manager again. And the excuses began, as the manager wrung his hands, about how no other rooms being available due to the conference and another event happening in town. 

“There is a couch though,” he offers,  pointing to a far too small couch, and the sharp glare that Geto gave him would put even his red pen to shame, “we will see about comping half—“ Geto crosses his arms, “all of your stay here,” and with that, he’s gone. 

“So,” you sigh, glancing at Geto, with a strained smile, “I have dibs on the bed?” 

Was this a cosmic joke? You wondered as you turned off the water of the shower, squeezing your eyes shut. Was this a version of ethical karma for what you had done last semester? An ultimate ethical test that you would surely fail? A fucking prank show? 

You didn’t know. You dried off and got dressed, pulling on a t-shirt and shorts, your hair still damp, as you took a breath and stepped out, towel slung over your shoulders. 

Geto was still on the phone, pacing back and forth — he was trying to call other hotels to see if there was anywhere else with two rooms or at least a room with two beds.

“Yes I understand it’s very last minute—“ he sighs for what must have been the billionth time today, “yes, there was a mistake at the hotel I’m staying at—yes, ok, well, thank you,” he hangs up, setting his phone down. 

“No luck?” You sit on the edge of the bed, wiping your hair, and he shakes his head. 

“The one thing they were right about is that every hotel room is booked solid — not only is our conference in town, but there’s a physical science consortium happening as well,” he rakes his fingers through his hair, a few strands coming loose, “I’ll have to give the Dean a call to update him on the situation,” 

You nod, “So what should we do about sleeping?” And he can’t quite meet your gaze, “are there no trundle or rollaway beds?” 

“No, apparently those have all been spoken for,” he grumbles, and he prepares to call the dean, “I’ll take the couch, you can have the bed—“ 

“Professor, we can—“ and his gaze snaps to you, “we can share—“ 

“No, we can’t,” he says softly, “you know we can’t do that,” 

“We’re both adults—“ 

“And we’re still a professor and a student,” he draws the line between you two again, the gash even deeper than before, the gap that’s meant to keep you safe — the chase meant to protect you — so why did it feel more like a punishment? “I’ll take the couch,” and he calls the Dean to update him on the situation. 

You busy yourself with drying your hair in the bathroom, before coming back out to see him hanging up the phone. 

“Well, are we in an ethical bind or should I go sleep in the lobby just to show there’s no funny business?” And he shoots you a look, “there have been stranger bedfellows,” and he opens his mouth, “and a single word comes out of your mouth, and I’ll join you on that couch,” 

And a very pretty flush adorns the tips of his ears and cheeks, “He said it was fine, it was out of our control, but to just document everything, including the hotel’s incompetence for legality reasons,” 

“You’re also a lawyer as well as a professor?” 

“You have to hedge your bets,” he shrugs with a smile pulling at his lips, before he checks the time, “I’m going to take a shower,” he sighs, pulling his hair from the messy bun, letting his black locks down. And you watch him run his fingers through his hair again, sighing, as he heads into the shower. 

You lay on the bed, biting your lip — as you turn over to use your phone, as the shower turns on. And you glance at the closed door — the thought of him in there, pulling his shirt over his head, shedding his pants and boxers. Your cheeks burn, burying your face in your pillow as if that would help (it did not). 

You curl up on the bed, turning away from the bathroom door, using your phone. And a few minutes pass, as you kind of drift off into sleep, and you hear a creak of the bathroom door open that rouses you from sleep. You don’t move at first but you hear shuffling, the sounds of a zipper. You finally turn on your other side, eyes fluttering open, and you’re met with the sight of bare skin. 

You blink, eyes flickering up to see your Professor’s flushed face, before your eyes slowly following a bead of water slip down his bare chest, black hair dotting along the middle of his chest and abs, down to a happy trail that was hidden by a towel wrapped around his waist. His clothes in his hand, and your eyes find his own, your lips parted and mouth impossibly dry. 

Oh. My. God. 

“Uh—“ and his cheeks flare red, as you try your best not to let your eyes flicker downward, “I forgot my clothes—“ and you turn away, as he darts back into the bathroom, “I’m sorry,” he says, muffled through the door. 

“It’s okay!” You reply, your heart thumping against your ribcage, squeezing your eyes shut to only be met the memory of his bare torso, “fuck,” you mumble under your breath, as you turn onto your back, and stare at the spinning ceiling fan above you. A distinct ache below at the thought of him. 

Your eyes flickered to the shut bathroom door. You hear the sound of water running again — maybe he needed to wash up again. Either way, you slid under the comforter, hand slipping into your shorts, you had some time. You wish you could have grabbed his hand before he fled into the bathroom, sat up on your knees, fingers sliding to his cheek. 

“Kiss me,” you’d murmur, and he would, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips sweetly, as your fingers glide up his bare chest. You’d swallow his gasp with delight, as your other hand finds his wet locks, fingers tangling in his black locks, “please,” you would guide his fingers to the hem of your shirt and he would oblige, lifting up and over your head. And your fingers would tug his towel away, letting it fall to the ground. 

Your fingers press against the wet patch on your underwear, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you gasp, imagining it was instead his eager fingers that tugged your shorts down. You sunk one finger in and then another, pumping slowly, and you knew he would get you ready for him. He would fuck you with his thick fingers, as his mouth latched to your clit, sucking gently as he fucked you open. You moaned his name softly, as you imagine his fingers stretching you open. 

“Do you want me, my pretty girl?” He would murmur between your thighs, lips glossy with your release, “s’good for me, taste as good as you look,” and he would press your back gently into the mattress as he would meet your lips again before, rubbing the tip of his cock against your puffy lips, “tell me what you want, Princess,” 

“Please,” you whispered, as you moved your fingers faster, adding a third finger, but you know his cock would feel so much thicker, and reach so much deeper, “fuck me,” 

And he would, sinking into you, his pretty cock parting your folds, his quiet grunts and moans whispering in your ear, as he works himself inside to the hilt. His lips would find yours as he would rock his hips into you — your cunt would flutter around his length. He would press your thighs apart further, long fingers digging into your soft flesh, the wet squelch of your cunt and the sounds of his skin slapping against yours would ring in your ears.

“S’close, Sugu—fuck,” you would keen against him, instead of your fingers, “please,” and his thumb would find your clit, just as yours did, and you would cum all over his cock, squeezing around his length, as he sinks even deeper, until his tip is brushing against your cunt. The moan of his name slips out, as you press your forearm against your mouth to barely stifle it. 

Fuck, you come down from your high, panting. And you glance at the bathroom door, thinking you’ll clean up once he gets out. You roll over in bed, as you pulled the pillow over your face. 

This was going to be a long weekend. 

Suguru lingers in the bathroom for far too long after that, the embarrassment of the moment still far too fresh in his mind, his cheeks still a dusty pink at the thought. Not only was it bad enough that he was trapped in this hotel room with you for an entire weekend, but now he had paraded out practically half naked for you to see. 

Fuck his life. 

He had hurried into the shower if only to get a break from being in the same room as you. It had been hard enough to endure the last few weeks as a T.A., but now he had to spend an entire weekend sharing a hotel room — and deal with situations like that one all weekend. Seeing you emerge from the bathroom, only in a t-shirt and shorts, still damp from your shower — wet hair in messy tangles that he wanted to run his fingers through— and that’s why he excused himself to the bathroom. A reprieve if only for a moment. If he had only remembered to bring his clothes into the shower — he wouldn’t have had to finish his shower, with only his discarded clothes to wear that had slipped off the clothes rack and onto the damp floor. 

He had stepped out, towel around his waist, as he peeled out, only to see your back to him, the sounds of soft breathing told him you were asleep. And he crept out, silently cursing as the door creaked and rifled through his suitcase for clothes. He had found them, and gone to retreat back when you roused and turned all at once. 

God, he sighed, it was such a mess. 

But the way you looked at him…lips parted, gaze flicking across his body, the way your eyes lingered a little too long on his torso — and now he had an entirely different problem. 

His cock tented against the towel, as his eyes slid to the bathroom door. What if he just hopped into the shower for a second again? The towel dropped to the floor, as he steps back into the shower, turning on the water. 

He groans, his fingers slide over his mortifyingly hard erection, teasing his slit as he would imagine you would, as you would open the bathroom door, murmuring his name, “Professor? Are you okay?” And you wouldn’t wait for his answer as you stepped into the shower with him, eyes raking down his body, a teasing grin on your lips, “not very ethical is that?” And your fingers would curl their way around the base of his cock, making him shudder with pleasure, “I can take care of that,” and you would kiss down his chest and stomach, even despite his protests, until you reached where he wanted your touch most. 

And god, you would look so pretty on your knees for him, as your fingers pumped him far too slowly, teasing him with a chaste kiss to his tip, tongue dragging against his slit, better than how his thumb did, “s’good for me, Professor,” you’d say, when you heard the hiss he just let out, “I wonder what other sounds you could make for me,” and your lips would close around his tip, sucking lightly, as he gasped, his other hand clasped over his mouth, muffling his sounds. 

He would look down with half lidded eyes, and see your head bobbing as you took him so well, your fingers toying with his balls, spotting your eyes flicking up to meet his — glazed over and desperate, just he imagined his were. Your mouth would feel so much better than his hand, the wet squelch of his pumping would not compare to you swallowing around him, sucking and licking around his length, his pre-cum and your drool slipping down the corner of your mouth. 

You’d swallow around him, as his fingers would slide into your hair. And maybe you would let him fuck your mouth, hips rolling slowly as you adjust, before he slowly would thrust faster. He would repay the favor tenfold once you were done, burying himself in your sweet cunt, until you were begging him to stop. His fingers moved faster around his cock, his low groans and wet squelch bouncing off the bathroom walls, hopefully drowned out by the running water.  Fuck, he wished he would feel how it would to have his tip brush against the back of your throat. 

He was close, the twitch of his dick in his hand told him so, and he imagined what it would be like to cum in your mouth, watching you swallow his release, if you’d want to, or cumming all over your face or chest, letting his cock drag over your tongue as he pulled out. 

Fuck, he shudders, moaning your name against his fingers, he cums all over his hand and the wall of the shower, his release running down mixing with the water. He rinsed his hand off, leaning his head under the water again, hoping it would wash away any traces of you. 

It didn’t. 

And as he emerged from the shower, making sure any trace of his act had slipped down the drain, but the towel around his neck, wondering if you’d see what he did on his face. But you wouldn’t — because you were fast asleep. 

His lips curled as he watched you sleep for a moment, your lips parted, curled up facing away from the bathroom — your feet sticking out of your blanket. He adjusts the blanket for you, and you shift a little in your sleep, mumbling something under your breath, before settling back in. 

And he bites his lip before turning away — he would never be clean, would he? 

Not when it was you. 

“How much longer do you think we’ll be stuck here?” you murmur, the smile plastered on your lips nearly starting to chip and crack. 

Professor Geto sipped at his drink hiding his frown, long fingers cradling the wine glass far too perfectly, “at least another hour,” he sighs, “when in academia, one must get used to mindless conversing if only it will lead to another needless connection,”

And this day had been nothing but an exercise of that — lectures, panels, presentations — any other word that meant someone or several someones sitting in front of you, talking at you — with only maybe 30% of the people actually listening (if you were lucky or interesting). And now you were one hour deep into a mixer that had you engaging in dry chit-chat that had your mind going numb by the first ten minutes. Your only reprieve being by Geto’s side. 

You hated how he could make the dullest of things enjoyable for you, or rather—

You hated how much you loved it 

“How pithy — Plato?” And he snorts, as you finish off your own drink, “I’m going to get a refill, do you want anything?” He shakes his head, and you head off to the bar. 

You were so restless after sitting for so long. Not to mention the slight rash you got from not washing up soon enough. You woke an hour and half later and cleaned yourself up — luckily Geto had passed out by then. You saw him sleeping half scrunched up, half sprawled out on the couch — one of his legs were hanging off the couch — and even his blanket had slipped off. You stifled a small laugh, taking a quick picture of him — so stubborn that he wouldn’t sleep on the bed with you. Your gaze had softened, as you picked up the discarded blanket and placed it over him softly, your fingers gently tucking some of his hair from his face. You fell asleep again after heading back to bed, and woke up refreshed — while Geto had woken up with a very sore back and neck. 

“Can I get…” you look at the menu, ordering your favorite drink, standing by the bar as you adjust your dress, you had opted for a black dress with sheer tights — one you had worn a suit jacket over it. You tap against the bar top, checking your phone as you do. 

“Can I get what she’s getting?” A dark haired man sidles up beside you, his mouth curled in a smirk drawing attention to a scar in the corner of his mouth, and his voice drops to a whisper, “though I think I’d enjoy you more than the drink,” 

You raise your eyebrows, “and I think you’ve certainly had enough tonight,” you say under your breath, giving an awkward chuckle, but he doesn’t seem to notice as the bartender comes back with your drink. Your eyes flicker over the crowd as you search for Geto but you can’t find him. 

“What’s your name, pretty?” And your skin crawls as his dark gaze slides over your body, “mine’s Toji,” and you bite back a sigh, introducing yourself, “it’s very nice to meet you — I’ve met a lot of people tonight but you definitely have been the most interesting,” and the bartender comes back with his drink. 

“Then you must have not met a lot of interesting people so far,” you say, eager to look for any out to escape this conversation, “my friend is waiting—“ 

“No, I’d say that you’re just that interesting,” he sips his drink, “can I get you another drink?” 

And right when you’re about to respond, “No, I don’t think she’s interested,” And you tense a moment before you register the familiar voice, Geto smiles at Toji, if you could call that a smile — it reminded you of one a predator gave its new prey, “especially because she’s a student, and you’re most assuredly not,” 

Toji raises an eyebrow, “But she is an adult, she can speak for herself, so why don’t you let her, Professor?” 

“Because—“ his fingers twitch as if he wants to reach for you but he can’t. 

You swallow the lump in your throat. And you know why he can’t. 

Geto’s smile wavers, and you intercede, “I can, and I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” you pay your tab, “let’s go back to the hotel, Professor,” 

And Toji pulls his card out, handing it to you, “If you change your mind,” he raises his glass, leaning against the bar, before he leans closer to you, whispering, “if you ever get sick of him, call me,” 

You give a polite smile, tugging Geto away until you reached the outside of the building, silence filled the space between you two, until you found your way outside. 

“What did he say?” He asks as he calls a car back to take you both to the hotel, and you don’t know how to answer that — not without making it worse, “actually, never mind. I shouldn’t have asked,” 

“Professor—“ 

“You’re an adult, he’s right — you should be allowed to make your own choices,” he licks his lips, his eyes still fixed on his phone screen, “I’m sorry if I—“ 

“Can you let me speak?” you sigh, as you wave your hand in front of his phone so he would look at you, and his eyes meet yours, “you’re fine — I was trying to get out of there — I just felt very trapped.” 

He huffs out a chuckle. “When you took that long, I wondered if the group of solipsists had taken you hostage,” 

You grimace, “I guess when you believe everyone else is an illusion, you also think manners are an illusion too,” he laughs in earnest now, “now there’s a real smile,” He tilts his head, “the smile you had inside, real scary kind of smile,” you tease, as his eyes can’t quite meet yours.

“Oh yeah?” he suddenly seems very interested in his phone, “our rideshare is almost here,” 

“Almost like you were jealous,” and he scoffs. 

“Of him?” 

“Uh huh, he is pretty attractive, maybe I will give him a call—“ and you notice him grip his phone tighter, and your lips curl, “but I probably won’t, not really my type,” 

“Not your type?” he asks. 

“More into the intellectuals, that man was far from it — I like an academic, sweater vests, glasses, a pretentious little office—“ and the glare is back, as you laugh, the rideshare sparing him from you continuing this conversation, but you also didn’t get to see the slight smile on his lips as you slipped into the back of the car. 

“Just sleep on the bed,” you say for probably the thousandth time, but he only shakes his head, as he sits on the couch, combing out his black locks. Even freshly showered, he looks unfairly hot — a loose gray t-shirt with sweatpants, contacts switched to glasses, and now his hair brushed against his shoulders. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch — it was fine last night—“ 

“Your spinal cord would beg to differ,” and he looks unamused, as he struggles with his comb, “what are you doing?” 

“I can’t get this knot out of my hair, and I can’t get you out of my hair either,” he adds, as you roll your eyes, slipping off the bed and walking over. You ease the comb from his fingers, biting your lip at the brush of his fingers, “what are you—“ 

“It’s easier if someone else does it,” and he sighs, giving in, as your fingers undo the knot in his hair gently, “your hair is really smooth and fine, probably why it tangled so fast,” and he only hums in response, his body relaxing under your touch, as you comb through the rest of his hair. You bite back a smile, he’s almost like a cat, keening under your touch, “feels good?” You murmur. 

“Yeah, it does,” and you don’t want the moment to end, you want this excuse to touch him to remain, the first time you’ve been able to breach this wall between you two — and it’d be over in an instant, “I think that’s good,” he mutters. 

He lays his head back on the top of the couch to look up at you — pretty obsidian orbs stared back at you — and your heart squeezes. He was so close, within reach, and all you had to do was lean down, press your lips against his, and maybe you wouldn’t have to tiptoe anymore, maybe you wouldn’t have to hide from him, maybe you could be— 

“We should go to bed,” he sighs, the moment breaks, as he sits upright, adjusting his pillow on the couch beside him, “we have an early start,” 

“Don’t remind me,” you turn back to him, “but you’re right - we should go to bed—“ you grab his pillow, “on the bed,” 

“No—“ 

“Like you said, we’re both adults,” you tilt your head, as he purses his lips, “I think I can handle sleeping in bed beside you, just sleeping, we can even put a pillow between us,” and you add, “if I try anything in my sleep, you challenge me to a pillow fight, and push me off the bed,” 

He scoffs, rubbing the back of his neck, “I really can sleep on—“ and then you raise your eyebrows, eyes flicking to the hand on his neck. He sighs, “fine, but I really will push you off the bed, I’m a restless sleeper,” 

“Then it’s equal opportunity,” you grin, as you slip into your side of the bed, stretching. Suguru is slower to get in, taking his time and adjusting his pillow and blanket before he finally gets into bed, “good night,” 

“Good night,” he turns to face away from you as he sleeps and you do the same. 

But it wasn’t a good night. Not when you couldn’t fucking sleep. 

For someone so smart, you really were very stupid. The bed that seemed expansive and open yesterday now felt Tom Thumb tiny, every shift of your body felt like a ripple effect, as you’d feel the slight shift of Geto right beside you. He was so close — you swore you could nearly feel the heat radiate off of him, the weight of his body beside you felt far too close and way too far — a chasm you could never cross.

And it was close to driving you insane enough to follow your wants all the way down it. 

But you couldn’t — but you could look, stare into the void, without becoming part of it. 

You shift again to face him this time — how could the back of someone’s head be so beautiful? Jet black locks that you had combed yourself fanned out on his pillow. But you could spot the nape of his neck through the tresses, a lovely spot that you only wished you could lean over and bury your face in. Your eyes began to droop. 

Hypnos finally took pity. You could only sleep this way. Your eyes finally flutter shut — you should have known — you were always the most comfortable with him in your sight. 

Suguru knew that you had fallen asleep — because your soft breaths fell into a rhythm, the crinkle of your sheets had grown silent, and the loud thoughts that filled up your head had gone quiet. He was glad one of you could sleep. 

He surely wouldn’t get a wink tonight. 

This was certainly more comfortable than the couch, but at least he had slept on the couch. He would be lucky to get thirty minutes at this rate. This weekend had already been too much — and he felt his will to stay away from you slowly snapping, a few strands away from breaking away completely. 

When he had seen you with Toji — he didn’t think, he just acted. He could see you were uncomfortable, the way your body leaned away from him, the way your eyes flickered around the room, and the way you toyed with your glass. It was a simple choice, but what happens when the next person that flirts with you is someone you’re interested in? Would he have to stand by and simply let it happen? Watch as you’re able to date this person but not him simply because of his title? 

He was jealous. Not of Toji — but of the idea of you being with someone else — of your attention drifting from him, of you drifting from him. He turned to lay on his back, he really was fucked wasn’t he? 

He turns his head to look at you. It never helped that you were effortlessly adorable, even now as you slept. Lips parted, body curled up, your hair falling in your face yet again. His fingers tuck a strand behind your ear gently, and you shift, a quiet hum leaving your lips as you settle back into the arms of the sandman. 

How were you so close but so far? You were mere inches away but you might as well be across the country. Because he couldn’t touch you, he couldn’t hold you, he couldn’t kiss you. The kiss he shared with you haunted his dreams — a daydream wrapped up in the nightmare of reality. He couldn’t ask you to wait — wait for your degree to be completed so the two of you could date. It wouldn’t be fair to you, but what about this was fair? 

And he turns on his side to face you, his fingers brushing your cheek gently — maybe if he couldn’t be with you in reality, he could allow himself to dream, his eyes flutter shut. 

Just for a moment. 

And his unconscious allows it — allows him to dream of you. 

Dream of your face buried in the crook of his neck, your soft breaths warming his skin, his nose buried in your hair. Your fingers grasped at his shirt, your other hand thrown over his middle. Why was your scent so intoxicating? He sighs, pulling you impossibly closer, and you shift, your leg sliding around his waist, as you pressed closer, pulling a groan from his lips as your core grazes right against his morning…visitor. 

And you move again, nose brushing against his collarbone, his name on your lips, quietly whispered like a secret against his skin. It was perfect — you were perfect. 

But what if this wasn’t a dream? The back of his mind prods — but that’s not possible, he was home in bed, right? This wasn’t real. It was the same dream he always had, of waking up in your arms, a lazy morning spent together in bed, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, the sheets becoming dappled in sunshine. 

No, there was no way this was real, he sighs into your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, but even if it was, he thought as he drifted, he didn’t want to wake — not yet. 

A distinct buzz stirs you from your sleep. But you don't want to wake — you were far too comfortable. But the buzzing persists, so you reach blindly for your phone and to turn off the alarm. And settle back into bed, eyes still shut, as you find your way back onto your pillow — or what you thought was your pillow. 

Except pillows didn’t move, or have an arm they could wrap around you. 

Your eyes open, to find yourself entangled with someone else — your brow furrowing in confusion that melts away to silent horror. Professor Geto. 

So much for sticking to your sides. 

Fuck.  

You tried to extricate yourself to no avail, his arm wrapped around you, pulling you flush to his body, your legs entangled, aside from your leg thrown over his waist, you realize, a small squeak escaping your lips, as you try and fail to move away. Instead you brush up against something very…hard. 

You flush, cheeks burning so hot that it’s truly a miracle he didn’t wake from the heat of your skin against his alone. His morning wood was pressed right against you, nearly between your thighs — just like the last time it was  against you — why the fuck would you think about that now? You resisted the urge to press your legs together — lest you have another new problem, and a mess to deal with. 

You manage to only pull your head away, urging yourself up so that your faces are an inch or two apart now. His soft breaths warmed your lips, his brow relaxed, locks of black hair fell in front of his eyes. Your fingers reach and tuck the locks behind his ear, tips skimming his skin. And the arm around you almost seems to tighten, and you bite your lip, the comforting presence of his arms far too tempting to drag you into wanting — as if you ever left. Wanting was dangerous, because wanting can only ever lead to need, needing him was as foolish as it was to share a bed with the man you were in love with. 

But how foolish was it that you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away? It was okay right? Okay as long your lips didn’t touch, as long you didn’t follow this slope all the way down — it was treacherous to press forward, but why did you want to anyway?

Your eyes flutter shut again for a moment — and your eyes glanced at the morning sky — the sun had just breached the horizon. You could allow yourself a few minutes — even if you had to give up a lifetime with him. 

The blaring of your phone only seems to grow increasingly loud, as you give a small groan, rolling over to your phone again, slapping the screen to snooze it again. And your eyes flutter open a moment, lazily flickering over the screen — 8:45 AM. 

Your eyes close — before your mind fully wakes — 8:45 AM? 

“Fuck,” you shoot up to get up, a tangle of limbs,  jolting Geto awake, his eyes popping open, his arm instinctively grabbing you by the waist, and you land with an oomfph back onto the bed—wait, not the bed. 

Your hand pressed against his chest, your body against his, noses brushing, your eyes unable to tear away from the other — his eyes were even prettier this close — a dark brown, nearly black, with flecks of another color — purple? You can’t tell if that’s your heartbeat or his that’s racing with how close you are, chest to chest. And even as you try to shift, you make it worse by slipping, your hips rubbing against each other’s. 

Fuck. 

You both freeze for a moment, his eyes flickering to your lips and back, as yours does the same, before you both scramble apart. 

“We’re late. We’re really late,” you spring out of bed, grabbing random clothes from your suitcase, “I’m going to get ready, really fast,” you don’t even bother to look at his expression, and you almost wished your heart had shattered your ribcage, with how fucking hard it’s beating, if only that you wouldn’t have to spend another day in the conference with him. 

You sighed, as you brushed your teeth hurriedly while doing your hair — well maybe a lecture or presentation would take your mind off this morning. 

So that wasn’t a dream, Suguru was only glad you didn’t even glance at his face when you ran off, or you would have seen the lovely tomato red that graced his cheeks. He could still feel the warmth from your body, slowly receding, and he swore he could still feel you against him, your soft skin, your pretty lips against his neck, and your leg around his waist. 

Fuck. 

God, he had another fucking problem to deal with — as he shifted awkwardly, his morning wood up and erect with a tent that could put most large circus tents to shame. Fuck, he didn’t have time to take care of this — especially with you in the bathroom right now. 

But still, he pressed his inner palm to his lips, how was he going to make it through the rest of the conference with the feeling of your body still lingering in his mind. If the situation was different, the two of you would have woken up with smiles on your lips, spent the morning cuddling without a care, and probably a little more than that—

But the situation was the same, and his eyes slid to the bathroom door, so why was it that he still thinking about you? He wasn’t the type to dwell, he accepted things for what they were — he had his principles and his beliefs, and he stuck to them, unless proven otherwise. He was a man of guidelines, of rules—

So why were you the only person that ever made him want to throw every rule away? 

“We are going to be discussing ethical dilemmas faced in universities and how to approach them,” the lecturer begins, “can anyone tell us an example of one such dilemma?” 

You both had barely made it into a lecture — barely even speaking as you ran-walked into the conference — choosing a lecture at random, as the two of you ran a good fifteen minutes late. You both arrived, hiding your pants, as you both grabbed water bottles from the back, and sat down. 

And of course to make matters worse, your phone goes off, making the entire room turn to look at the two of you. You silence your phone, murmuring a quick sorry as the two of you take your seats. 

Could this possibly get worse? 

Your eyes glanced at him — it was already bad enough to begin with. Geto had barely spoken a word this morning, even as the two of arrived at the conference, the only words he spoke were to the attendant that parked his car. 

You tugged at the collar of your shirt, adjusting your clothes. And if that wasn’t enough, you were going to spend the day sweaty and disheveled. Meanwhile, you stole another glance at your professor — his skin flushed from running, button up not buttoned up all the way, glasses instead of contacts, and his hair in its usual bun, but a few strands were nearly coming loose — he still looked fucking delectable. But he wouldn’t meet your gaze, his body positioned to lean away from yours, his eyes fixed ahead. 

You held back your sigh as you focused on the presentation — you just needed to get through today — as the lecturer picked someone who raised their hand. 

“A student-teacher relationship is one such ethical problem faced in universities today,” and Geto nearly chokes on his water, coughing slightly, as you feel your cheeks burn at the thought of this morning, “it presents several ethical problems — including the role the professor plays in the student’s education and future, their ability to provide praise or reprimand, and even grant recommendations gives them great power over their student. It leaves the student without much freedom in the relationship.”

Oh, what the fuck. 

The rest of the conference is spent in relative silence with a thick film of awkwardness perfectly overlayed. When you both finally return to the hotel room, your only consolation is that you’ll be leaving tomorrow. You toss your things onto the couch, “I’m going to wash up,” you tell him, and he only nods in reply, as you enter the bathroom and shut the door, back pressed against it and sliding down. 

Oh this is such a mess. You sigh, maybe a shower will help. 

It didn’t. You were still just as much of a mess as you were before. You sighed, as you stood in front of the sink, wiping your hair with a towel. This could be so simple if you both could be together — so easy. There would be no tension, no hurt feelings, no awkwardness — you could just be. But that’s not an option. So the only other option is to let him go. 

But you didn’t know how to begin to. 

Either way, hiding in the bathroom wouldn’t solve a thing — and you finally opened the door, “I’m done if you want to wash up,” he nods, sitting on the couch, reading a book. His glasses rested on the tip of his nose, lips pursed, and legs crossed. 

You walk over, grabbing your things from the couch and put some of your things away in your suitcase. But after all of that is done, you realize one thing is missing — your cellphone. 

“Shit,” you murmur under your breath, searching through your suit coat pockets, your pants pocket, anywhere that your phone might be. 

“What’s wrong?” Geto says, book in his lap, as he tilts his head. 

“Can’t find my phone,” you mumble, cheeks burning — god, it was already awkward enough, and now this? 

“Is it on ring?” You nod — your phone was usually on ring, sometimes to your detriment — you cringe at the memory in the lecture this morning, “I’ll call it,” 

He calls you — and you glance at his phone screen, your contact is just your name, no picture, nothing. You bite your lip, what were you expecting? A heart next to your name? And the sound of your phone ringing catches both of your attention. 

“It’s over here, somewhere,” he says, lifting up some of cushions of the couch, and reaching underneath into the creases, as you walk over — “I found—“ 

And you were so concerned about your contact information in his phone that you forgot about his contact information in your phone. 

The screen flashed with the image of him sleeping all lopsided on the couch from that first night, as you covered your mouth in both horror, but also to stifle your laugh. 

His eyes flicker to you, “When did you—“ and you reach for your phone, but he moves it away, “not until you answer my questions,” 

“This isn’t class, Professor, I want my phone—“ you reach for it again, and he’s holding it above your head, “oh real mature—“ 

“Like the picture you have of me as my contact picture?” He raises an eyebrow, a real smile pulling at the corners of his lips, “thought I should resort to my student’s level,”  

“Your T.A.,” you correct, as you reach for your phone again, but he’s using his height to his advantage, and he’s beginning to walk backwards, “come on, give it back—“ 

“Not until I change and delete that photo,” and he’s trying to hold your phone up to your face to unlock it, and you gasp. 

“Oh my god, give it back!” And you grab his hand, and he’s grabbing at the other, giggles leaving your lips, as he laughs too, as the two of you struggle for the phone, your fingers closing over it, and over his own fingers as well. 

And you realize how close you are to him. 

The two of you freeze a moment, laughter on your lips fading away to soft smiles, and his fingers squeeze yours lightly, as he passes you your phone back. But he doesn’t move away — and you don’t either. 

“Why did you let go?” and it seems like it’s a force out of your control that draws you together, no matter how much either of you try to let go. 

“Because I can’t help giving you what you want,” he murmurs, and the heat of his gaze melts your heart, as you drop your phone onto the couch, and reach for his hand again. 

And you lean closer, your other hand gently brushing against his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw, “So if I ask for a kiss, will you give it to me?” You won’t close the gap anymore than you have — he needs to reach for you too, let himself give into gravity. 

He does, as his hand brushes against your cheek, thumb rubbing back and forth across your cheekbone, “will we stop at just a kiss?” He murmurs, leaning so close that your eyes want to flutter shut. 

“Only one way to find out,” and his lips brush yours. And it’s not chaste like your first kiss was, no, his lips slide against yours, as his other hand slides to the back of your neck. He swallows your gasp eagerly, if the smirk you feel against your lips is anything to go off of. Your teeth graze against this bottom lip teasingly, drawing a small groan from the back of his throat. 

Neither of you couldn’t stop at one kiss, and you both knew that, even as your lips parted for a small breath of air, they found each other again — just as you both always did. Because you could never let him go — no matter how hard you tried. 

RING. RING. RING. 

And this time it isn’t an alarm. But rather his phone, flashing with a name that brings you crashing back to reality. 

The department head. 

“Fuck,” he murmurs under his breath, as he parts from you, his warmth leaving all at once, as he grabs his phone, and turns away, “Hello? Yes, the conference is over. Everything went well. No, no, nothing out of the ordinary.” 

You stared at his back, this would always be the case wouldn’t it? Even as you crashed together, something would pull you apart, and neither of you could break the cycle. You take your phone from the couch, and crawl into bed, but you could start. 

You close your eyes, your fingers brushing against your lips for a moment. You needed to start — otherwise, you would just end up broken. 

And you don’t hear him hang up — or see him stare at your figure under the covers — and he would break along with you. 

Suguru didn’t know what to say the next morning — especially when it seemed couldn’t even bear to look at him, much less speak to him. You had busied yourself with packing, even before he had awoken. His back ached from the night he spent on the couch, he couldn’t fall asleep for far too long, and by the time he did, he kept sleeping — through his many alarms it seemed. 

And it wasn’t the couch that kept him awake. 

You both had the most lovely timing, didn’t you? He thought, as he combed his hair in the bathroom, the memory of your fingers running through his hair as you gently undid the knots in his locks still ever present — it seemed like any time you two wanted to act on your feelings, the universe was doing what it could to keep you apart. 

Was this fate versus free will? 

You both kept choosing each other — but fate kept pulling you apart. Did he have any control over his actions or did he have no control over his actions at all? Was it all predetermined by some force he couldn’t perceive? Some force intent on pulling you apart. 

He sighed, as his phone lights up with an email from the department head — department head position opened up in Jujutsu University: Kyoto — 

And so maybe he should let it. 

The next few weeks pass by far too quick. As your semester picks up, you stop attending Professor Geto’s classes, opting to send an email to let him know, and he replies back with a simple response — Ok. Please let me know when and if you are available to input the grades for the midterm paper. 

The rest of your T.A. work is done online and over email — and you do your best to keep busy, keep yourself occupied, and keep your thoughts from straying to him.

And you maybe succeed 10% of the time. It doesn’t help that your unconscious does not wish to cooperate since it seems that once you stopped seeing your professor during waking hours, he’s infiltrated your sleep — sneaking in and out by the time your eyes open. 

And then you’re left with the fragments of his touch, his voice, his kisses, and soft, loving words. 

Just as you always were it seemed. 

And before you know it, the end of the semester comes, and you find yourself in front of that same office door yet again. It felt like an eternal reoccurrence — stuck to repeat the same events again and again in an infinite loop. Was there any exit from this loop? 

You didn’t know — you knocked on his office door — but you could try. 

“Come in,” you do, entering his office to find him sitting at his desk, hair half up for once. And his eyes flicker up to meet yours, his head tilting at your stare, “see something interesting?” 

“Your hair—“ and your cheeks burn — so much for trying — “it’s different,” 

“Thought I’d try something different — my hair is growing out,” and you have to repress the want to curl a lock or his hair around your finger, “do you not like it?” 

You shake your head, “It looks nice, just different,”

And he hands you the papers he’s graded, “you can input those, I’m just finishing up a couple more, so if you wouldn’t mind waiting a bit?” 

“Not at all,” a silence falls over between the two of you, the quiet scratch of his pen as he grades, the occasional ding of his e-mail breaking up the silence. You sneak a glance at him — ebony tresses brushing against his broad shoulders, his brow furrowed that you wished to run your fingers along to smooth his worries from his mind, pretty lips parted as he reads a sentence silently to himself. 

Fuck — no, no, you can’t do this. 

You busy yourself thumbing your way through the papers, spotting the familiar red scrawls littering these pages, as they once did yours. You were so pissed when you got your first paper back — indignant even — a whole Karen ready to speak to his supervisor. But when his honest criticism and blunt words rang true, you found yourself not only wanting to prove him wrong, but a want to be better. To earn his respect. And of course, later, you wanted to earn a little more than that. 

You bite back a chuckle, and here you still were — by his side. Except next semester you wouldn’t be his T.A. 

But you would still be a student. And he would still be a professor. 

But one other thing that hasn’t changed is how brutal the feedback is — you couldn’t help but feel bad for “Itadori Yuuji” — whoever that was. 

“What are you smiling about?” Your eyes snap up to meet his, his head leaning against his palm, elbow resting on the desk. 

“Nothing,” you shake your head, but he looks unconvinced, “just thinking about our first time in this office,” and then your cheeks burn at the double meaning, “I mean our first office hours appointment—“ 

He waves you off, “I know what you meant,” a small chuckle in his cadence, as he continues to grade, “you certainly weren’t happy with me,” 

“No I wasn’t,” a small smile on your lips, “but it worked out in the end,” you add, “you got an amazing T.A. after all,” 

His eyes meet yours, “More than just that,” 

Why can’t you help but get pulled in time and time again? And why can’t you help but ask questions that will only hurt you in the end? 

He continues to grade when you finally speak, “What do you think would have happened if I didn’t end up being your T.A.?” 

And his pen stops, lips pursed, “We shouldn’t—“ 

“Why shouldn’t we?” you felt like a child demanding an answer from their parent. 

“We agreed—”

��I don’t remember an agreement-” 

“It was unspoken—” 

You scoff, crossing your arms, “You really are only a professor because an attorney would know that binding agreements can’t be unspoken,” he falls silent, his voice soft. 

“I don’t want to keep hurting you,” his words are wrought with conflict, pain seeping into every syllable, “I don’t want to keep going down this road only to for you to get hurt in the end — I don’t want to jeopardize your future for something that might not last—” 

“But what if it does?” and he swallows thickly, “what if we can make it work? We’re both adults, we can be discreet—” 

“So discreet that we end up making out in my office?” he takes off his glasses only to run a hand down his face, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks, and you huff out a chuckle. 

“A little more discreet than that, we’ll lock the door next time,” it’s his turn to scoff, and you rise from your seat, lips curled, “close the lights, or maybe even kiss in a place that’s not on campus,” but he does the same, meeting you on the side of his desk, his fingers brushing your cheek so gently as if you’d shatter under his touch. 

“I don’t want to stand in the way of your career,” he says, his fingers finding your hand regardless, fingers interlacing, “I don’t want you to—” 

“It’s my choice, Suguru,” you murmur, as you lean against his warm palm, your fingers sliding against his palm and into his inky tresses, “don’t you owe me a choice, and a drink?” you add, and his lips curl in a knowing smile. 

“I do, if you’ll still have me,” and he’s leaning close, sucking the air from the room, and the logic from your minds, as his lips barely graze yours, “shouldn’t we lock the door?” 

“Fuck it,” and you pull him into a deep kiss that pulls a groan from his lips that makes your cunt ache, as he’s already pushing you into the lip of his desk, his hand sliding down to your waist. 

“Now who’s being unethical?” he murmurs, pressing eager kisses along your jaw, that makes you melt against him, your legs nearly jelly at this point, “what kind of example are you setting as a T.A.?” 

You bite back your moan as his lips find the soft spot of your neck, teeth grazing it far too fucking teasingly, “Well students learn by example,” and his hands are slipping under thighs to lift you so you’re sitting on his desk — you spread your legs for him in the dress that you’re in, pantyhose underneath, his heavy lidded gaze raking over your body, “and look at my professor staring at his T.A. so lustfully, even with a clear power dynamic—” 

And his fingers find your thighs again, squeezing, before his fingers dig into the sheer hose, tearing holes in it, drawing a gasp from your lips, “How’s that for a power dynamic, princess?” far too pleased, “don’t worry, I’ll buy you new ones,” he murmurs, “now just be a good girl and spread your legs for me,” he says, as he pulls away the ruined pantyhose, and he’s undoing the buttons on his shirt with one hand — one, two, three — before your fingers take over, leaning to press kisses at each inch of exposed skin, until the shirt falls open. 

Then his lips find yours again, his silver tongue asking for you to part your lips and you do — as he extracts every want you have with his burning touch — his lips against yours, his large hands parting your thighs, his knee pressed against your twitching cunt — and only leaves your want for him behind, until it becomes a need. 

“Wonder what our students would think of you,” his fingers tease your inner thighs, drawing a whine from your lips, “wanting your professor to fuck you in his office instead of inputting their grades,” he whispers in your ear, as his fingers finally skim the wet patch of your underwear, “so wet f’me, already? Look I think you even soaked my slacks,” he tsks, as his thumb and forefinger find your chin and tilt it up, “what are you going to do about that?” 

“Suguru—please,” and he smiles as his finger starts to tease your puffy clit through your drenched panties, “don’t tease—” 

“How can I not when you’ve nothing but tease me with your existence?” he pulls the crotch of your underwear aside, “I’ll oblige my favorite student this time—but I won’t be so nice next time,” he adds, biting your bottom lip. 

RING. RING. RING. 

It was his fucking office phone. You groan, but his finger continues to sink into you, “Suguru—” 

“Let it ring,” his lips find yours in a bruising kiss as his finger deliciously sinks into you, “I have all I need right here,” he whispers, and you pull him back into a kiss by the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, your hand sliding up and down his chest, while he worked a finger into your cunt, “so fucking wet f’me, so perfect,” 

And your hand flies back to support yourself as a second finger begins to sink into you — but your hand grazes his office phone, and the messages begin to play back.

“Fuck, sorry,” you mumble, as you reach blindly for the phone, only to knock it back, as he chuckles and reaches behind you, trying but failing to help — your noses brushing, and he smiles before kissing you again. 

Mr. Geto, sorry we missed each other, I was calling, hoping that you would still be in office for the day, but I must have just missed you. I wanted to call to offer you the job as department head at Jujutsu Tech University: Kyoto—

You freeze, your lips parting from his as you look up at him, his eyes wide as he stops the message from playing back any further — and the words settle over the mood like a sheet pulled over a dead body. 

And you’re the first to speak, always asking the questions that will hurt you in the end, “You’re moving to Kyoto?” 

✧ a/n: so i'm sorry for that ending hahah, i promise there will be a happy ending later on for these two. thank you to @gaylatteart and @laneysmusings for betaing and just being the best. also if i tagged you please comment / reblog because tagging on tumblr sucks, it takes very long.

✧ taglist: @hatsunemitskislobotomy, @difficultdomains, @diogodxlot, @that-goth-bisexual, @bash1018, @dazailover1900, @aliyalala, @ashhlsstuff, @blue041803, @mwtsxri, @bblgumfairy, @sukunasleftkneecap, @xo-evangeline, @fiannee, @teatreeoilll, @chalametet, @ryukaver, @d1gitalbathh, @saga3ious, @seventhcinema, @satosugucide, @your-l0nely-star, @sokkasmoon, @deegausserr, @hyookka, @oggsyy, @littlebitb, @higuchislut, @ti-mame, @itoshisins, @cerene-dipity, @onionsoop, @sinlillith, @izzythenaive, @akvrae, @lalacute03, @rxndou, @c-themoon, @xxrag-d0llxx, @hqtoge, @sugarxlumps, @hopeluna, @actualdeemon,

[louisa-gc]

how to start reading again

from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.

start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.

don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.

go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.

remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)

analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.

read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.

finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.

try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.

forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.

remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!

stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.

[hoshigray]

Can i request toji doing this to reader 👉👈

𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: YEEEEEESSSS!!! I mean–ahem–yes, you may request this delicious prompt ٩(ˊᗜˋ )و

⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Toji x afab! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - kissing/making out - fingering (f! receiving) - clitoral play (presses and swiping) - Daddy kink - missionary position - praises - unprotected sex (no release on Toji's part, tho) - pet names (baby, mama, sweet thing, sweetie) - voice kink - Toji being a teaseing bastard, lawl - implied prior masturbation.

⊹ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.3k

“Haaah…Toji—Mmmm!“

“Shhh, I’m right here, sweetie…Did’ya sleep well?”

It’s not unusual for you to be asleep when Toji returns home from work, especially when he’s been away for more than three nights. 

But, fuck, when he returns home, all he can think about is having your soft frame in his starved grasp.

You lay so peacefully on his bed, your man watching the rise and fall of your figure and listening to your snore while he quietly enters the room. Once he drops his stuff down, he’ll crawl up to be atop you, emerald eyes scanning every feature of your beautiful face he wants to kiss so badly. 

And the truth is that you’re just as touch starved as he is, left here to await his return while he’s doing God-knows-what (you’re unaware of his assassin gig) and worrying about his absence. But when you awake to the smooth sensation of your lips being pressed on, you don’t scream or holler; far from that. Instead, you kiss back and open your sleepy eyes to see the grown man above you. 

“To…ji?” Your voice is strained with exhaustion yet curious. 

The dark-haired man shushes you with his lips onto yours, moaning with you while his hands spread your legs for him to lay comfortably between. “Missed ya, mama,” his gruff voice so low that your stomach immediately flips at the erotical tone. 

“I missed you, too,” you admit in between smooches, and you melt when he cups your cheeks to keep your face with his. “Missed you so…Hmmm…”

More kisses have you relax, his scarred mouth trailing down to suck on the skin of your neck to listen to more of your sweet gasps. “Yeah? My baby missed me?” You chew your lips as he whispers in your ear, and your hips instinctively move at the motion of his hand, palming the groin of your shorts. “Been thinkin’ ‘bout me while I was gone? ‘Cuz I sure was.” 

“Yesss,” your answer slurred by the lick and kiss to your helix. “Yes, I ha—Aaah!”

His hand sneaks inside the hem of your shorts, not surprised to meet your bare cunt with his fingers. Your wetness instantly coats the rough pads of his fingertips as he nestles between your labia. “Thinkin’ ‘bout me so much that y’re all wet like this?” You can practically hear the grin uplifting the scar on his lips. “Hmm? Ya miss Daddy so much that you touch y’rself while I’m gone, huh?”

Your eyes are sewn shut at the sensation of your folds being fingered, and your lips ajar once Toji inserts his middle finger. Wiggling the digit around, scratching your walls with the blunt of his fingertips, it has you wail softly. “Yessss, missed you—Oooh! S..So much, Daddy…”

“Heh, dirty lil’ thing,” Toji’s finger goes faster, and the raven-haired man enjoying your shrieks gets a little louder, and your breath halts at his ring finger teasing your entrance. “Tell Daddy how much ya missed me.”

You arch your back at the insert of the other digit; your fatigue vanishes with every graze of the two fingers. “Haaah…Miss how you kiss me—Ahh!” He toys with your clit with the brush of his thumb. “H-How good you–Mmnn!–make me feel…” He kisses your forehead; the gentleness contrasting with the salacious squelches from your shorts causes a haze.

“Yeah? Ya like when I make ya feel good?” His fingers go faster, and the presses on your clitoris go frequently. “Just like?”

“Mmnoooh,” Toji kisses you again, this time more passionately with tongue exploring your mouth; you twitch around his digits as they curl and rub. “I…Love it!”

Toji chuckles. “That’s what I wanna hear, sweet thing,” and he removes his hand from your shorts to lick your fluids clean. “‘Cuz I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout makin’ you feel good on my way here.”

He discards your bottoms to the bedroom floor seconds before he unzips his pants and brings them down with his boxer briefs. Toji has his dick free for you to marvel at, the nether limb not yet fully erected, yet the quick pulse of it has your mouth water. He slaps the tip onto your leaky chasm; the sight makes your vagina throb. So much so that you clamp tighter as he pushes the soft tip into you. “Relax fr’ me, mama,” he coaxes you through, gradually pushing every inch of him inside. “Daddy’s gotcha, ‘kay?”

You howl inaudibly, furrowed brows as the base of his cock kisses your folds. And when he grinds his pelvis down? Jesus, you grip the sheets to serve as reins; contracts around his girth are inevitable. 

“Fuck,” he curses above you. “So warm and tight like always…”

When he begins to move, it’s at a slow pace. The feeling of his dick pushing into and pulling out of you so sensually is so erotic to your senses, especially witnessing the thing burrowing inside your warmth with your own eyes. Oh, my God, you can feel it getting stiffer, making your excitement dial-up.

The member goes firmer with every stroke, and every sensation differs from the last. His shaft stands solid inch by inch, your eyes shooting up as you become fuller by the second. One pull and push has you whimper. Another push and pull, and your toes curl at the stretch of him becoming greater. Another slow push, and you're calling for him with a shaky breath as the tip of his now solid limb lightly jabs your cervix. 

And Toji adores the view under his bow, your body reacting to his erect cock scraping your insides to the point of broken cries. “How ya feelin’, baby?” His sultry voice pulls you in as he increases the speed scarcely. 

“Daahh, s-so full,” the snicker to your ear makes you clamp on him harder. “So good…Nnoohh!! Daddy, st–Ooop! D-Don’t thrust so—” 

“Hmm? What’s up?” You don’t have to open your eyelids to see that the older man above you has a mischievous look after suddenly sneaking a quick rut to your entrance. “What; don’t like it when I go like…this?” Toji’s hips go erratically, the motion making it easy to rub on your inner walls and sweet spots to the point of shrilled shrieks leaving your lips. “Or…this?” He sluggishly pulls himself back where it’s only the tip of his shaft that’s nestled inside you, only for him to snap his hips back in a rushed second. It takes a moment for you to process and let out a scream as the cockhead pokes your delicate cervix with precision. 

Your hands frantically find his shoulders to grip his shirt, “Daddyyy, please, sl–Oooh–Slow down…! If you keep goin’, I’ll cu—….Mmmm!!” Your pleas don’t stop him; they fuel him to keep pounding into you. Balls deep for him to keep probing you with hits to the narrow end again, and your legs wrap around his waist without you thinking. How could you think? Your head kept pounding along with the climb of your orgasm, trembles climbing up your spine. 

“What’re ya holdin' it fr’, huh?” All it takes is Toji to bend to your ear once more, kissing your cheek as his pelvis slams into your aching slit. “Cum, mama. Lemme know how good y’re feelin’.” 

As if on command, your climax hits you hard, like a wave crashing down on your poor form, drowning your senses with euphoria like no other. Your cunt squeezes around Toji’s girth, your nerves spiking to a sensitive high that has you winded and cold for a moment. And the man above you hisses at the flutter of your walls; his rocking cadence slows down to relish the feeling.

You wail in ecstasy; a tiny sharp gasp leaves you from the gentle kiss he places on your forehead. 

“There ya go, sweetie,” he coos with a kiss to the chin before straightening himself. You observe him remove his shirt to dump it onto the floor, and your face becomes hotter when Toji ventures down, where his face gets closer to your wet entrance. “ All wet and ready fr’ me…”

© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ✩ dividers by @/benkeibear.