#I was able to finally articulate how I love and have it be seen by others as something beautiful

[pinksugarscrub]

O Sweet Juliet

Tom Holland! Peter Parker x fem! reader

Inspired by @heihei.edits on tik tok! Thank you again for your permission to make a story of my own. Thank you to @froggheadd for allowing me to use their art 💕 (i'll upload the banner asap!)

Word count: 946

~

“Pete?”

Your voice so soft it's barely above a whisper. Peter immediately perks up and drops his pencil. Like he's been waiting to hear your voice. His eyes search yours as he smiles.

“Yeah?”

“What’s this?”

Scooting your stool closer you ignore the loud squeak it makes across the lab's tile. Peter meanwhile slides his study guide away to the edge of the desk to make room for your textbook, English.

The pages contrast the formulas and theories Peter has been studying for over the past hour.

Normally the two of you would use a timer to keep from overloading your brains. But with finals coming up and an important mission soon after, you had to cram as much information as you could. Ned would also have joined but declined under the excuse his Lola needed him.

He really was your wingman when it came to Peter. You did however, owe him a cartilage of web fluid to mess around with for missing today's study session.

You trace your finger along stanzas before finally reaching line fifty-two. Reciting it before referring back to the essay prompt for your last paper.

“I understand Shakespeare was using pathos but how exactly does that connect to this?”

Peter leaned over you and despite the close proximity he felt so far away. His chin almost resting on your shoulder as he scanned the text. Romeo and Juliet, a “classic”. What? You can't help it if MJ degrades the play every chance she gets.

“Well…” He licked his lips before pulling away. Flipping through the pages as he continued. “The story is about love being blind, right?”

You nod as you look at him quizzically but still with enough patience that you don't interrupt.

“Young love specifically.” Peter finally stops on the prologue. Sticky notes littered in the margins much like the rest of your textbook. Definitions and context mostly.

“Shakespeare sets up this narrative from the beginning.”

The rest of his words fall on deaf ears as you admire him. Peter hasn't noticed that when concentrated, he taps his foot incessantly. Biting his nails as he articulates his next thought. His lashes fluttering remind you of how jealous you are over them.

“So…” you clear your throat as you look back to the textbook. What little words you did catch clicking together like cogs. “By setting up how completely infatuated they are-”

“-their deaths become the payoff,” he completes. Smiling even brighter as he notices that look of understanding flashing in your eyes. One he's seen all too often when you work on Stark tech.

He thinks you're just as bad as his mentor when it comes to your inability to take breaks. The restlessness you get from not being able to solve a miscalculation that leads to midnight coffee runs to the seven-eleven around the corner. Not that he's complaining. If anything, he hopes you'll get the craving for something sweet so he can whisk you away. Have you all to himself without the prying eyes of the other avengers.

Peter's quite aware Tony is hovering through the surveillance cameras. He wouldn't even be surprised if the rest of the team was watching them like their own personal home movie. Frankly he's tired of getting teased, especially by Thor.

“Ok…Ok so-” You shift closer and Peter feels his heart lurch in his chest. It's like you affect him so much his own body can't take being near you.

Would you mind if he peppered kisses along your cheeks when it gets too cold? Hold your hands as he stares at you like you're the most precious thing in his life.

He sometimes wonders if you feel the same way but with how easy you seem to make these interactions he thinks not. Maybe you know enough that these teasing touches are a way to torture him.

“-the scene where they first meet. That's the main foundation for how the reader sees them as a couple.”

Peter nods as he tries not to lean in and kiss you. His eyes dancing between your lips and the pencil you keep chewing on.

“Being star crossed lovers heightens the effect and makes us root for them,” you mumble,“and again is why their deaths are so effective at evoking pathos.”

“Right,” he chuckles.

You lean back but not to far. Stretching your arms over your head as you look down at the mess of notes and candy wrappers you made on Tony's desk. If anything it's to hide how hot your cheeks feel.

“Cool, thanks Pete.” You sneak a glance at him with a quick smile before quickly doting down the major points of your conversation. Ignoring how your heart races once he finally looks away.

“Of course,” he hums. Mind lost on the homework he was doing previously. All these numbers mean squat when you're sitting next to him. His grades would absolutely suffer if he had to share more than one period with you.

Peter must have reread ‘what is the missing angle?’ a dozen times between looking over at you while you admire his reflection through the lab doors.

Somewhere Thor is handing over a wad of cash while Natasha grins over her newfound prize. She gives it until prom season when Peter will have no choice but to ask you out on a date while Tony says it'll be less than a week because that's when the mission is. Adrenaline does something to you y'know? And Bruce…well Bruce just smiles against his coffee mug as he sees your hand reach out for Peter's under the desk. He hopes you like the anniversary gift he helped Peter pick out.

[vasyandii]

I'm kicking my feet I love your oc Vernon! Let me pry though: have Vernon and AM ever kissed, or will they ever kiss? Also does AM enjoy the sensation of Vernon close to him or when she touches him, like in your art of her using him as an AC LOL

AAAAH Howdy howdy!! I'm so glad you like Vernon as I've worked real hard on her! Thank you so much for the ask! 💞💞 I will be answering these in reverse order!

VernonAM 🏺🖥️

Does AM enjoy the sensation of Vernon close to him/when she touches him?

I like to believe AM's come a long way with being touched. When he first transferred his consciousness over to his body, it was sensory overload. The WORST kind.

Everything was too loud, too quiet, he could smell EVERYTHING, everything was too hot, too cold, not hot enough, his mouth felt dry even with the saliva he had, how much it hurt feeling the air in his lungs, HE COULD FEEL HIS EYEBALLS IN HIS SKULL. It was like being born, it was awful. Like Nietzsche said; "To live is to suffer."

Vernon sat him down, trying to calm him since this is technically the first "human" she's seen after 109 years.

AM could feel every fold of his clothing rubbing against his skin, every microscopic fibre stabbing his skin. The residual warmth from Vernon touching him to sit him down so he wouldn't collapse caused AM to start screaming, sobbing.

Because he had no mouth (roll credits) prior to this, he didn't know how to use it to form words. He couldn't articulate what was wrong in his fit of screaming and tears.

And so his body went limp not 10 minutes after. He got out of there, telling Vernon that it's the closest thing he could compare to the torture he put on the other five. Vernon had to convince him to come back again or she'd tear the damn body apart and eat it.

It took months, baby steps of getting him adjusted in being a man. They spent weeks on smell, touch, and heat before they would even consider movement. It was tough on Vernon's end, smart as she is, she's a terrible teacher, asking AM to leave her alone for a few hours or days, lashing out when he's in such a vulnerable state.

But Vernon persisted, and finally AM got to hold her comfortably. Fast forward to now, AM has grown quite fond of the sensation of touch and touching things just for the sake of it. They could be sitting and he'd have it so their shoulders are touching.

AM is fond of Vernon's touch, that's the only time she's gentle (despite her words) with anything that might have the possibility of breaking. He enjoys her softness and warmth; How protective she is of him. AM can't articulate genuine care since his hatred for humanity is still there, but he's grateful, even despite his taunts.

Have AM and Vernon ever kissed? Will they ever kiss?

They kiss often, those two degenerates. It almost makes me jealous how often they kiss (D1 hater over here).

Vernon's technically kissed him before, just to get him comfortable, but it's never on the lips or near his face, usually his wrists and knuckles. Exposure therapy along with affection, basically. He didn't try to kiss her back until he was fully prepared to.

After fully adjusting to his new body, AM was finally able to kiss Vernon. He wasn't very good at it his first attempt. It was more similar to AM headbutting Vernon than an actual kiss.

Having a body gave way to a new emotion; embarrassment. Since he's now technically on the same level as her (in height as well, he's a lil dude) he was embarrassed that his first attempt didn't go as planned. When he didn't have a body, there was nothing to be judged, but now he does.

After brushing it off as him being curious and just feeling like headbutting her, AM didn't attempt to kiss her on the lips until he was sure he was ready.

Their proper first kiss was quite nice.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my mad man words! I tend to ramble a ton, so if there's anything you'd like for me to clarify, feel free to tell me!

[is-on-its-way]

The moment Mulder quits

A point in which Mulder was ready to quit the minute he saw Scully hold a baby in season 7 and its effects in season 8

*this is my headcanon, its not gospel obviously Firstly, two scenes that are very linked in my head

Season 7 Ep 22 Requiem and Season 8 Ep 16 Three Words

Look at that face. That dead serious, at all costs face.

Season 7

Requiem. The culmination of Scully and Mulder's secret yearish? long quest for a baby. They've tried for a baby with IVF already. Mulder has promised her he wont give up on a miracle for her and they're well... trying basically, throughout season 7. Perhaps I would call it "hoping" for a baby. Maybe Mulder is hoping and Scully is characteristically ambivalent? Fully not using any contraceptives and I know there's a fic in there somewhere, anyway

The first scene above is why Ive never watched past the season 8 finale. nothing past them agreeing to be a family makes any sense because of Mulders face here. People knock Duchovny for not showing out when acting, but I will always be a defender of subtle acting. The way he can say an entire monologue of dialogue with the minute expressions on his face is quite breathtaking here.

Hes goes from sorrow at Scully not being able to have a baby, sorrow at her loss, sorrow at not being able to give her that; to regret at what he thinks is all his fault, at dragging her into this life; to pure love and affection for her seeing this baby in her lap and how good she is with him; and then a smile peaks out. A smile of hope that could compete with the Mona Lisa. Hope for their future and the certainty with which he knows what he wants so clearly, maybe for the first time in his life. His own family.

Like for the first time hes really deciding the cost is too much and he chooses her over the mission. He chooses their future over everything. And he's hopeful and perhaps even happy about it. which for someone with his amount of family trauma is a seismic shift. For so long he's chased the past in hope of fixing it, completely discombobulated and reckless in his search for well, his family.

Though, from the beginning of that moment in the rainy graveyard, he has slowly unconsciously coming to regard Scully as his family. In small gestures, a hand on her cheek or voicing out loud how important she is to him; to big gestures, giving up who he believes is his actual sister to save her.

We are lucky here, to be able to witness the moment the sparks of unconscious thought bloom into the flame of certainty. He follows up as well. Tells her she has to stay, that the cost doesn't outweigh the price anymore. Sure he wants to finish out this case, but he doesn't work without her, thats been established. Him telling her to stop, is his resignation as well. (There's a fit there too, with Skinner and him on the plane probably Skinner already knowing he's done.)

Thomas Flight praises subtly in acting better than I could ever articulate here:

Season 8

Mulder was weird and the PTSD was implied, but I choose to see it everywhere. After the moment in three words where Mulder tries to let them go gently because he thinks he's too damaged to be a father (Thanks @randomfoggytiger for the meta on that) (there's a fic here obviously where Scully gives him the space to be broken and also hers) After this though, he's not the Mulder as we've seen, ever. He's not the Mulder who

cares about exposing the government so he can say I told you so

cares about saving the public from the invasion

cares about finding the ultimate truth that has driven him since he found the X files

cares about solving cases and one upping the FBI, trying to force them to admit the truth out loud.

Mulder is fighting the entire season for his family.

he cares about exposing the conspiracy so everyone including his child will be safe.

he cares about saving the earth for his child's future

he cares about his childs and his families safety

he has zero concern about the FBI and what they do anymore.

In the second scene above, he's about had it with the entire conspiracy and he's downright pissed. He wants it all to end he doesn't care how. He wants to protect his child above everything. Sure he's usually reckless but this isn't for him and his self involved cause anymore, it's for his family, his wellbeing be damned at some points along the way. He states his thesis in three words while breaking into FBI files in an astonishing show of recklessness

"Look, Scully, I need to make sense of what happened to me. So that I can stop it. Because if I can't stop it, it could happen to anyone. It could happen to you. And who's to say it's going to stop there?"

I always wondered why he was putting Scully through all that, without realising this was the reason. Poor guy. There's nothing else in his purview anymore besides that baby who's in danger, and his family, so much so, when he is ultimately fired from the FBI, he's positively giddy at his newfound freedom.

If he had then gone down a path temporarily where he murdered his way through the remnants of the syndicate to assure the safety of his family John Wick style, I would've absolutely believed it.

It would've been insanely intriguing look at an evolving dynamic between Scully and Mulder. Scully law abiding Mulder reckless as always but with a different motivation. Becoming what he's always feared, to protect the family he has never had. A family he feels like he's only grasping at, as they're slipping through his fingers due to the danger and his recent and past traumas.

There's a reason a lot of the fandom sees Mulder as a happy stay at home dad post wherever they decide to end watching. Thats what he's been searching for his entire life. A happy family with loving parents. When he let go of that dream for himself in Closure, he found he could want that for his future family whatever that looked like (adoption, a miracle, etc.) in Requiem. And I personally don't believe he ever would let that dream go once he realised, I mean we all saw the devotion he had to his sister right?

In other words these are my reasons season 9 onwards make zero sense and I regard them as AU

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Imagine coming home from a long day of running errands to see ¡yandere! Sam Trapani beating one of your admirers to a bloody pulp on your front door step.

Warnings: Gore, violence, mentions of stalking, obsession, forced relationship

A/N: I drew this at the depths of night when I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t seen really any yandere mafia stuff soooo…… here you go!! Art + headcannon…you may now feast.

Requests: open 24/7

Bonus pt.2

(I mention that the admirer is young, I mean like Sam is 40 so the other guys is late 20’s to early thirties. Sam is just getting insecure about his age)

Sam had been stalking and slowly trying to court you for about a year and he’s getting closer to his goal of finally making you his; but this new guy that just moved in next door is just fucking it alll up.

It first started with the guy going over to your house to introduce himself and harmlessly wanting to be a friendly neighbor. Then quickly become bolder and bolder with his flirtations, much to Sam’s dismay! Could you believe that THE Sam Trapani is extremely jealous of this guy?? Probably 10 years younger and quite handsome, That boy is a serious threat.

You laugh louder at his jokes than you do at sam’s, your clothes are getting much more revealing and the way you prance your little ass over to him anytime he calls your name was seriously eating at him and he’s at his wits end of it. Sam knows he’s getting older but is his charm really that stale now?

Even when Sam is having a full conversation with with you this little shit will come around and inject himself into the whole interaction. Sam even started going grocery shopping on your schedule just to be able to have some alone time with you and yet again this man appears out of the wood works. Every. Single. Time.

(Okay that’s a little dramatic but the point still stands…Sammy cannot keep up with him. He’s finally met his match and he’s so whiny about ittt)

The other guys noticed this and found it extremely hilarious, Trapani wasn’t the hot shit of the town anymore and there was someone younger and more good looking ready to take his place and his girl. They poked fun and joked how Sam was now officially an old geezer and that a young damsel like yourself wouldn’t want anything to do with him. They fed into his insecurities and made everything just ten times worse. Of course they meant no harm, Sam usually wouldn’t be hung up on a girl for too long and plus he still had pretty much every other woman of Lost Haven in his hands so what what the big deal? Why were you so damn special anyways?

“Look Sam,” paulie breathed in between laughs. “Y/N is admittedly very gorgeous but just leave it alone at this point. She’s very obviously more into him than you. What about that broad down at the Corleone…what was her name??”

“Michelle..” Sam gritted in a low venomous tone

“Right, Michelle! Maaaaybeee…you can get her out of that hell hole and I’m sure once she cleans up nicely she’ll be…something of a wife” Paulie erupted into laughter once again after finishing that sentence, barely able to hold back the tears that accompanied it.

Sam already decided enough was enough and there was no point in trying to play this whole love game thing fairly. Going down to your house and giving it to you straight was the only way he could think of doing this. He wanted your love story to feel organic and for your admiration for him to slowly bloom but you’re obviously not getting it. You don’t understand that Sam is the only possible match for you.

So much time stalking, analyzing and carefully articulating every move he made with you isn’t about be washed down the drain just because some bright eyed sucker wants to fuck you. No…it’s okay though. You’re just slightly misguided by all the butterflies and fluff but soon he’ll lead you right back to where you need to be.

As his car approached your door, he noticed a fellow holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a wrapped gift in his hand ready to knock on your door. Obviously Sam’s time was running out far sooner than he had previously expected at that moment something inside of him snapped.

Without thinking any further he got out of his sleek black car and opened the trunk, out of it he grabbed a bat and started towards the young man.

”Oh hey Sam! I’ve been knocking on y/n’s door for quite some time now. Do you know where sh-“ before the young man could even finish his next sentence the bat connected with his head and continued to do so as Sam kept striking him over and over..

Nothing was said out of Sam’s mouth as he beat him to a pulp…actually nothing could be heard throughout the entire neighborhood outside of the thwacking of the bat and the cries that escaped the admirer’s lips, pleading for him to stop. Everyone in the neighborhood silently watch from a distance, they all knew of Sam’s affiliation and no one wanted to be next on Salierie’s list. Even the birds decided to stop chirping in fear they too would meet the same fate as the fellow

This continued on for another couple minutes before a blood curdling scream broke Sam’s attack.

“Sam?!? What the hell are you doing to him????”

Hearing your familiar voice, Sam swiftly stood up to face you, hurriedly trying to explain what happened.

“Look…y/n calm down, this is just a simple miss understanding…”

He flashed a brisk smile and steadily started walking towards you

“Just come with me and we can speak about this over dinner, huh? You’d like that?”

Shaking your head and carefully backing away from the deranged man, you cried out

“No…n-no…no Sam….” A breath passed “Y-you gangsters are all the same…you hurt people without cause, just look at what you did to him! He was a good man!”

Sam for a moment, stopped walking and looked back at the bloody scene he had just created before looking back at you.

“Oh sweetheart…”

He began walking towards you again, this time faster so he could catch your arm.

“…trust me when I say, this isn’t the worst i could’ve done to em’. ”

Pulling you in close to his chest, he moved slightly to the side of your face and lowered his lips to your ear before speaking again,

“I’ve got something to make it up to you, doll face.” Looking down at his bloody and bruised hands, he held a perfectly intact rose…

[saltpepperbeard]

David Zaslav (derogatory) is about to get a gay-ass card 😌💅

Here's more information on how to send a postcard/greeting card (it works internationally!) [x]

And here is my text in case anyone would like to bounce off it:

Hello Mr. Zaslav, Just writing to tell you how much I adore the beautiful property that is Our Flag Means Death. It impacted me in way I'll probably never be able to fully articulate. As a queer person myself, the closest comparison I can make is that it felt like coming home. It felt like entering a large, warm, wonderful house, and feeling right at place. I have truly never been so in love with a piece of media, and so seen within it. So, for that reason, I respectfully implore you to reconsider your decision in regard to the third and final season. David Jenkins has always said that he intended the show to be three seasons. He gave us these wonderful characters and their silly little world, and wanted to see them through to the end. And as do I! Please; allow the third and final season to exist as intended. Allow our home to stay standing and sturdy. Allow this beautiful piece of queer media to carry on forever more. This type of representation matters so much, and the love within it carries more weight than any amount of money could buy. So please, please; reverse the recent decision made, and renew Our Flag Means Death. Thank you so much for your time.

[seiya-starsniper]

25.finding comfort in their scent from the prompt list?

Whooooo I finally managed to put together something for this! I kept accidentally veering off into angst territory ahahahaha. I promise this is all straight fluff though 💖

blossoming romance writing prompts

---------

Hob knows the exact moment when Dream enters his flat.

He is sick as a dog, running a fever hovering dangerously close to 39C, and he’s fairly certain the cold medication has given him some sort of hallucination about betta fish swimming around in the air.

Even still, though his eyes are heavy and he cannot smell a damn thing through his congested nose, Hob is somehow able to smell Dream.

Dream smells of ozone and petrichor, of starlights and sunsets, and everything in the world Hob has ever loved or found beautiful. He wonders if the anthropomorphic personification of dreams is just supposed to smell that way, like some sort dream come true.

“Hob Gadling,” Dream’s voice reverberates from within his bedroom. Hob didn’t even hear him pass the threshold. “You are unwell, according to my sister.”

Hob snorts, remembering the time Death had spontaneously shown herself in the middle of their now monthly meetings at the New Inn. Hob had nearly fled out of his own skin once he’d realized who she was, which only made her laugh. She reassured him that Hob’s life was his own, and she’d only ever come for him if he personally asked for her. Then she’d left as cryptically as she came, only saying she had an appointment to get to.

“I’m not going to die from a cold,” Hob snuffles, peeking out from underneath the duvet. “Surely things can’t be that dire unless there’s something you’re not telling me, Dream.”

Dream huffs, and Hob catches the barest hint of a smile. “It is not Death whose realm you were visiting,” the Endless replies. “My youngest sibling, Delirium, sends her regards.”

Delirium. Hob thinks. Well, that would explain the flying betta fish.

Suddenly, there is a coolness on Hob’s forehead, and he realizes belatedly that it is Dream’s hand. He barely bites back a groan of relief. He hadn’t realized just how overheated he’d become.

“You are feverish,” Dream murmurs. “It would be best for you to take your rest in my realm.”

“Unless you can magically cool down my whole body my friend,” Hob replies cheekily, “I don’t think I’m getting to sleep any time soon. Hand feels pretty nice though,” he adds, his thought to mouth filter utterly failing him in this moment. 

“You underestimate me, Hob,” Dream rumbles, and before he even knows what’s happened, Hob drifts off entirely.

He wakes in a field of green. There’s no fever, no congestion, and more importantly, no overwhelming dizziness. It’s peaceful here, and despite never having seen this place before in his life, Hob knows he’s been here before. 

Hob catches a whiff of starlight, and then turns his head to smile up at his oldest friend. 

“Has anyone ever told you how nice you smell?” Hob asks, clearly no longer caring for propriety.

Dream’s lips quirk in amusement before he takes a seat on the grass next to Hob. “And what do I smell like to you, my friend?”

“Hmm,” Hob contemplates for a few moments. “I suppose you smell like the universe.”

“How utterly vague of you,” Dream replies, deadpan. “Clearly the fever has rendered you unable to articulate properly.”

“I’m serious!” Hob exclaims, playfully shoving at Dream’s shoulder. “There’s no words to describe you. How you remind me of stars and moonlight and thunderstorms all at once. How you smell like the night sky before light pollution ruined everything. Or how you smell like my mum’s homemade stew that I’ve long forgotten the taste of. You just…you smell like everything to me.”

Hob watches then as a pink blush crawls up Dream’s neck, before slowly blooming across the Endless’s face. 

“It has been some time,” Dream says, averting his eyes from Hob’s as if suddenly shy. “Since someone found comfort in my presence.”

Has it? Hob wonders. He’s always found Dream comforting.

“I’ve always found you comforting,” Hob hears himself voice aloud at the same time. In for a penny, in for a pound, he guesses. “When everything else faded or died, there was always you. That’s always comforted me, even on my worst days.”

“Then I must apologize once more for depriving you of that comfort 33 years ago,” Dream says replies, sounding morose. 

“But you came back,” Hob answers, smiling. “And that’s a comfort all on its own.”

They fall into silence then, simply content to enjoy each other’s company. Hob doesn’t know what it is, but he knows something has shifted between them, here in his oldest friend’s realm. The dream itself is shifting too. Where there was once only endless fields of green, there are now flowers springing up from the ground, beautiful and yet otherworldly in their appearance. He reaches out to caress the petals of one of the blooms, not hearing the slight gasp it elicits from right next to him.

The last thing Hob smells before he wakes up is roses.

[shsy7573]

Random Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel) Character/Song Analysis Kinda Thing… I Guess

Okay, so yeah, Luci has 100% taken over this page. So what? I’m not obsessed, you are.

Anyway, I’ve been listening to “More Than Anything” on repeat since it dropped, and like a lot of the fandom I tear up every single time… but unlike a lot of the fandom, it’s not because of the sweet father-daughter moment (which, don’t get me wrong, doesn’t help the situation because it’s just so damn wholesome).

No, what gets me is how, just through a couple subtle moments, the show is able to convey just how absolutely shattered Luci is as a character. And, you know, because he’s my favourite, bestest, snek-baby-duck-boy, it makes me a little emotional…

So now you’re all gonna hear about what goes through my mind every time I listen to it. YAY!

“Charlie! You don’t understand, Heaven never listens. They didn’t listen to me. They won’t listen to you!” / “You don’t know that—” / “I do!”

It starts before the song even truly begins. When I’m listening, it’s usually these first few lines that grab my attention. I end up replaying the first 4-5 seconds of the song over and over again because the pain in that “I do” is so fucking good! (And because I like to suffer apparently cuz I end up sad. Life of an angst lover I guess).

It’s the first time we see him with actual tears in his eyes. The raw delivery of that line is so attention grabbing, and manages to say so much in such little words.

I think the reason this particular scene tickles my brain so much is because it’s the breaking point for his character in a way. I am, and always will be, a sucker for moments where a character’s walls finally come down, and we get to see what’s been festering inside. When their deepest thoughts and how much they’re hurting are revealed. The entire song is what that is for Lucifer, starting with these two words right here. I truly cannot put into words just how much my breath is taken away by Jeremy’s delivery of this line. I cannot articulate how much I love it, and how important it is for Luci’s character. it just hits so deep and so right for me and I love it.

Lucifer isn’t just saying that he knows Heaven isn’t going to care about her plan (I don’t think anyone thought that’s all he was saying but whatever). He is saying that he knows what Heaven does to dreamers. He knows what they’ll do because he has already been there, and it destroyed him. They took his ideas that they saw as too outlandish, and they squashed them. Cast him aside. And he paid the price for it when he went bashing their back and did his own thing anyway.

Luci is a broken dreamer. Throughout the entire episode, and the series as a while, we are given very strong hints of this. However, it’s not until this song that we really see it in action. It’s not until these moments that we are able to see past both the veils of “Imposing King of Hell” and “Goofy Guy who’s trying his best but not great at Dadding,” and get a look at how genuinely depressed this man is.

“My dreams were too hard to defend.”

This scene eight here. The more I see it, the more I fall in love with it. Just a great example of ‘show don’t tell.’

He’s talking about having big ideas, he’s talking about giving people a chance and reaching outside the normal, he’s talking about being cast out of Heaven. I just love the parallel he’s drawing between Charlie’s mission, and his own past.

Charlie created the hotel in an attempt to give people who have been seen as lesser to all of Heaven some sort of chance. She is choosing to have faith in them, and to open up opportunities for them to lead a better life.

Lucifer, when he gave Eve the fruit, was taking a chance to allow humanity the chance to have free will. He wanted them to experience everything life had to offer for themselves like angels got to. He offered a chance for them to lead a better life.

He had everything, and he had complete faith that what he was doing was right. All the light and hope of his dreams was right in the palm of his hand. He had so many ideas that he thought, if they were saw through, would make the world a better place.

But it didn’t work out for him.

“And in the end, I won’t lose it all again.”

Now, the first seconds of dialogue may be what I keep rewatching, but this has got to be my favourite visual of the entire song. It’s such powerful imagery, and I fangirl over it every time.

Look at how small he looks in that shot (I know, I know, he’s tiny regardless, but like seriously). He is completely outnumbered, hopelessly overpowered, totally at the mercy of all his Heavenly superiors… and he’s all alone.

He lost everything because he had the gall to dream. It’s not hard to look at the song (and the episode at large, really) and find not only his feelings of being wronged, but also his immense guilt. It shows in how much he hates Sinners. They are basically the worst of what he did, a constant reminder of the day his mistake caused him to lose his home and everything he held dear, and they are all he gets to see. Only being permitted to see your failures for all eternity? No wonder he’s fucking depressed.

The day Heaven cast him out was the day he stopped dreaming. Because dreaming big only leads to pain, failure, and suffering.

“I just don’t want you to be crushed by them like… like I was.”

This next moment is kinda self explanatory and obvious and really doesn’t need any commentary, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. Because I love it, and I love him, and… you know… angst. I’ve mentioned my lust for it several times now throughout this post, you really shouldn’t be surprised.

I just feel so bad for him. Lucifer made one mistake. One simple, misguided mistake that ended up introducing evil into the world, and all of Heaven came down on him for it. And, you know what, in the narrative presented by the show, what he did wasn’t that bad. He just wanted to give the world’s newest creations the same freedom angels had, and it backfired horribly. Lucifer, like Charlie, was an idealist who saw the best in people and wanted to help.

And what did he get for his good intentions? Shoved into the cesspool he unintentionally created, and forbidden to ever see anything good that came from his dream.

If I had to guess, Lilith was the only thing keeping his mental health afloat for a long time… and then they had Charlie.

“The tales about your lofty dreams. I’d listen breathlessly, imaging it could be me.”

His daughter became the light of his life. Something that he cherished and indulged more than anything else in the world. To him, she was perfect, and he wanted to do right by her in any way he could.

Lilith told their daughter stories of all her father’s dreams regardless of what he thought of them, and when the little princess came asking him… how could he refuse? How could he refuse her anything?

So he shared them with her. All the tales of grandeur, and fantasies of everything he wished the world could have been. All the dreams he had long since let go.

“And in the end, it’s the view I had of you that show me dreams can be worth fighting for.”

Now, the scene where Lily take’s Charlie away has always been excellent brain fodder for me because of how somewhat ambiguous it is. You could interpret his sadness to have SO MANY meanings. However, I have inevitably decided on two potential head-cannons/theories to share here for what could possibly be going through Snek-King’s head.

One: Lucifer loves his daughter, but he feels estranged and like he’s failed her in some way. She’s such a joy, such a wonder, and in a way it's his fault she’s trapped down here with all of human ties worst. He wasn’t to be close to her, and to make the world perfect for her… but he already feels like he’s failed her in the most unforgivable way. He keeps his distance because part of him doesn’t want her to have a super high of an opinion of him. It’s kind of his depression manifesting, saying that ‘she shouldn’t admire you and your stupid dreams when they’re the reason she’ll never see true light and happiness.’

The angst addict in me likes this one more, but still I’ve got another one that always pops.

Two: He feels like he’s selling her false hope, and he can kind of see the place her innocence is headed. He’s seen the horrors of the world, and he knows the more he indulges her dreams and fantasies, the more she’ll suffer when she sees that’s not what the world is like. He knows from personal experience how much it hurts when your dreams come undone, when you lose hope in the world.

Listening to Charlie’s actual lyrics, she tells him that he was the one who inspired her to dream, that he was right to dream, and that she’s not going to back down. In the song, Luci realises that 1: maybe he didn’t fuck us as badly as he thought and that she actually doesn’t blame him and wants her in his life and/or 2: she has her mother’s willpower, and she’s never going to stop dreaming or let her world be sullied like he did. She’s so much stronger than he was.

So he lets her in.

(Side note… AWWW, look how TINNYY he is! He’s so small. The start contrast in the second image gets me every time)

There’s a bit of symbolism in the song which I ABSOLUTELY adore, and it has to do with the wings. In the flashback, Charlie mentions his “lofty dreams,” when we see the duck, which later transforms to have multiple sets of wings. Later in the song, when Lucifer finally lets her in, he also sprouts those wings.

And I just love this, because I think it acts as the perfect symbolism of him finally opening his mind again. Not just to his daughter, but to the possibility of dreaming in general.

He takes her to a circus, a place filled to the brim with spectacles and thrills, a place where humanities wildest imaginations seem possible.

But even though he’s beginning to open up, and he’s willing to help her in whatever she does, he’s not ‘fixed.’ His depression and self doubt and feelings of hollow emptiness and guilt and apprehension aren’t gone.

And he’s still terrified of seeing her spark go out like his did.

This tiny smile break is so addicting to watch for me. It speaks volumes. Once again, my angst loving heart eats it up every time. It says, “I’m still worried, and there is still so much shit going on in my mind right now about all of this, but I’m here for you.”

And that’s what counts.

Luci’s character showed a lot of colours, and came a long way in this singular episode, but he’s still got a big uphill battle to climb. He still has to come back into his own where dreams are concerned. Maybe he never will, not completely. Realistically, he’ll never go back to the way he was.

But maybe, just maybe, in helping his daughter he’ll find something worth believing in again.

That is, of course, if they decide to give him a character arc beside ‘Dad who is trying and doing better,’ but for that only time will tell.

—

And THAT concludes my rant on the Rubber Ducky Ruler. If you stuck around this long, good for you! I wrote this whole thing on a limb at midnight, and NO I’m not going to go back and edit it because why would I ever want to see all the horrid grammatical and spelling errors I’ve inevitably made.

Maybe I’m off the mark on all of this. Maybe I’m head-cannoning too much. Maybe I’m just trying to suck out every hint of potential angst out of a song that’s supposed to be sweet and wholesome. That’s for you to decide. But for me, I’ve decided that I’m satisfied with this analysis. In the end, I just needed to express all the thoughts bumbling around in my head SOMEWHERE before I exploded, and unfortunately, I feel like I’ve run all my friends dry talking about this baby to them, so now it’s your turn. But, anyways, I think that about wraps things up. It’s time to go to bed.

Farewell, stay hydrated, and have a lovely rest of your day/night :)

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

ALRIGHTY’S I KNOW ITS BEEN A HOT SEC I’VE BEEN GONE CAMPING AMONGST THE TREES AND THEN OPENED COMMISSIONS BUT NOW IT IS FINALLY TIME TO SIT DOWN FOR ANOTHER KNOX REACTS. WHATS UP ON THE MENU TONIGHT?

MONKIE KID SEASON 5 EPISODE 3

(spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen it)

Yeah alright, lets see what we got here title be TEMPLE OF THE GODDESS. Sounds cool sounds neat, is this gonna be Nuwa’s first appearance then? or like… i assumed she’d show up later ngl if at all, sets have a habit of adding characters that never show up sometimes— AHEM

.

ACTUALLY THIS FEELS A BIT SURREAL LIKE RIGHT THERE’S MONKIE KID EPS OUT THAT’S CRAZY HELPGLKMAF;LKSDF

Let’s see how I do after two weeks of semi-fresh slightly smokey tree air—

theme song my beloved, oh yes okay the three weeks did something i’m almost used to the animation difference i think it’s settled we’re good i can react primarily to the story now WHEEZELKGJASL;KDF

OHH OHH OKAY IT MIGHT JUST BE THE TWO WEEKS BUT SANDY SOUNDS A LOT MORE SANDY NOW, hang on lemme pull up ep 2 i’m curious

ah hm and nope nvm relistened again, its like… y’know if you’ve ever gone on like a sound music app thingie like garage band or something and you up the tenor and get rid of some of the base, Sandy’s voice sounds kinda off that way, he’s more nasally and not as rumbly? HEY I’M ABLE TO ARTICULATE NOW LETS GOOOOOO

Anyway tho back to react lesgolesgolesgo

Mk, my lad, you are indeed moving from one apocalypse to the next but if it’s all leading up to destiny then i’m sure it’ll be like PSYCH IT’S BEEN THIS ONE GUY PULLING THE STRINGS ALL ALONG— or something like that that’d be funny

Hm, I wonder if the five coloured stones have a name like the Samadhi fire does.

W O O F (ouch) yeah some of the movements still make me feel like i’m sitting in front of my grandparents TV watching treehouse or something :[ It’s kinda like… it’s not bad its just very much used for a specific type of show usually and monkie kid isn’t that type of show to me so it’s claaaashing so bad AHA I AM ABLE TO ARTICULATE! Whaddayaknow the three week break did wonders for me actually we’re loving this YEAAAAAA

Wukong rubbing his head where the circlet is while he talks is MMHM <3 Wowza!!

HM! Tang sounds muffled! Once again i gotta go back and reply to understand what’s being said THIS IS TRAGIC THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME USUALLY MONKIE KID IS SO CRYSTAL CLEAR I HEAR WHAT’S BEING SAID RIGHT OFF THE BAT (only mis-hearing once in a blue moon) I do like how Pigsy is shaped in this frame <3

Sniffs. I was gonna say they are indeed reusing the samadhi rings plot line again of like, wow we gotta find this thing! but hey this time they don’t have a map! It’s different [winks at camera] LOL no tho fr it’s kinda interesting to see them using the same theme in different fonts. Like the goal is different, Samadhi fire was beat the lady bone demon and the stones is seal he heavens but it is a very similar plot to have so close to the other season. I mean there was a 1 season break in-between tho so PFF that’s probably good enough MOVING ON

Okay hmhm, Pigsy’s “what about the thing where” is super like muffled to me? And quiet, like they turned down the volume on his audio and then cranked it up immediately at the “WE DON’T KNOW WHERE THESE STONES ARE.” on second listen now that i know what’s gonna be said it’s not so bad, but it also just seems very kinda slurred together almost?? It feels like it was done in two separate takes and pasted together almost. I had to pause and be like huh!!! weird!! usually there’s a bit of a pause between Pigsy’s quiet and then loud bit to my memory, he’s done this kind of thing before but the audio volume is just so wildly different—might just be my version of the show tho!

Oof yeah, the music and audio of mk talking after it are wildly different volumes, and these are my good headphones WOUGH THIS IS BRUTAL

still chilling in the good vibes tho, fresh air does a load of good

Actually, fantastic plan mk, ask someone who knows, mind blowing for these guys, when have they ever— //j/jj

Is that how you say her name? NuWAH? I do it more of like a… NAHwah? maybe? ??? NeWAH HGLKJSDF

Mk and Mei getting hyped bless <3333

….tang bro you guys have walked through lava so many times by now I don’t see why you’re loosing your mind— GHL;AKSDJFSADF

they’ve cracked the code, if you want to distract Tang from doom spiraling just ask him to info dump and you’re good!! Still whatever with the visuals of that gag ngl but i do appreciate the verbal comedy

Okay, who do those highly stylish eyebrows belong too? Actually hello?? this might be my favourite frame in the show so far it looks so nice?? I LIKE A FRAME IN SEASON 5 LESGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“There’s always a temple”

“Mhm, yeah, mhm”

Yeah its like all the voices lost their bass, their growl, their RUMBLE. Nah the Pigsy Mei moment was cute tho bless

Tang. You have. Been around the Samadhi fire. Yeah okay trauma fire, without getting literal ab—TANG YOU LITERALLY SAMADHI FIRE??? THAT’S LITERAL FIRE PLS HGLK;SFJA;OWIEFM AND FAR MORE DANGEROUS THAN REGULAR FIRE??? MY GOOD SIR??? Priorities—

AHAHAHA Darn right, I know Ashe likes their “LEGOOOO”’s, fantastic that is becoming part of my speech un-ironically thanks to them HGLASJDF You know what yeah this feels like Ashe’s writing “Sounds like Tang’s on board!” yeah hGLK;SJDFSD

SANDY’S VOICE ALMOST SOUNDED RIGHT THERE

GODS WE’RE SO CLOSE [clenches fist]

That little transition noise had a good base—

Wow speediy AHAHAHAHAHA STAIRS

YESSSSSSSSS

Okay, Okay mk’s little NNOOOooooooooo…. was pretty funny hGL;KJSFD;LJSADF Bro just yeah, nods nods that’s how stairs feel fr :pensive_emoji:

The music kinda drowns out what Sandy says for a second RAAAAA

ALPINE SANDYGNL;DKFMSADF

nice

Why do you need a hook the stairs are right there—

Oh pls make Tang climb don’t carry him pls make him climb plsplsplsplsplsplspls PLEASE MAKE HIM AND HIS WEAK ANKLES CLIMB I’M BEGGING YOU—

Oh

Oh yeah okay good call actually I take it back teleportation is actually a good ideaHGKL;ASJDFSDF

AS FUNNY AS TANG CLIMBING WOULD BE

.

I feel like tang’s old man back would snap under mei—

DID HE JUST UYEET THATLGKMD;LFKSD

oh he can slip it back

CHEATINGLKSDMFASLD;MF

Cant’ use magic or tracking

….. AND THEN USES HIS CLOUD GLKMDFA;OMFIWEF

CHOKINGL;KSDFMASDF

ONLY TAKES MK

I’m telling ya man Sun Wukong’s one and only priority is that kid

…. is mk and wukong ditching the rest of the crew gonna be a theme this season— HGLKJASD;FKASD

TANG N O

TANG

NO

LEAVE THE PIG MAN ALOOOOOONE

DARN RIGHT YOU AIN’T CARRYING HIM TANG HE’S HALF YOUR SIZE— (not to say that I don’t believe Pigsy is stronk and buff ask heck but STILL)

The way Wukong keeps touching the circlet is a neat detail ngl I’m STILL salty about how it went on but its FIINNEEEEE

MK

W H A T

BROTHER HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CHEATED AT STUFF, TAKE ME BACK TO THE SKELETON KEY WHEN HE BYPASSED LEVELS IN VIDEO GAMES AND STOLE THINGS AND WENT ON A WILD CRAZY RUN WITH MEI?? I mean you could say character development BUT PLS WDYMMMMMMMM

Okay “LOOPHOLES BABY” is absolutely delightful and I will be quoting that for the rest of my life for no reason i just think he’s delightful

they almost made him squishy good effort wild brain ;-;7 i salute you

Ashe, I love your sense of humour—

“THIS PROVES NOTHING—“

Oh so the eyebrows are a BIRD ;-; ok i was like owaa new design? cool character? no :pensive_emoji: its a bird :pensive_emoji: that’s okay i’m sure the bird is lovely too ;-; TBF the bird probably would ave appeared anyways

Why is the bird growling HLGKJA;WOEFJSDF

Ooo fire blasts!

Isn’t shielding the fire using magic—?

….bro

CRACKS KNUCKLES

COOL YEAH IMPLICATIONS SINCE THAT WASN’T MAGIC EVEN IF IT HAD THE MAGIC SOUND EFFECT ITS JUST SWK USING HIS BODY TO SHEILD MK AND NOTHING ELSE YEAH I’M NORMAL AND FINE DON’T TOUCH ME

oooooo touchy wall, get pulled in, MK YOU’RE HOOOMEE <3 probably, I don’t know I assume Nuwa would be like wassup brrooo <333 since she’s the one who made him maybe its unclear still but we’ll worry about that when we get to it

Tilting my head. eh, no particular feelings over mk mimicking wukong ngl shrugs

Oooo Nuwa’s place looking a little worse for wear

Bro she’s legit a snake—

Just casually smashing things

Ooo OI TILTED ANGLE COUNTER GOING UP

Sniffs.

She made monkeys! :D Oh yeah and humans ig—

Oh come on don’t show me flying bark PLEAAASE I’M BEGGING YOU ON MY KNEES EVEN IF ITS TRACED DON’T SHOW IT TO MEEEEEE

Bro having flashes once again and going iTS NOTHIINNN DW ABOUT IIIIT

Okay big ol prophecy painting with the face scratched out that’s silly

HELPGKLMASFSAD

CLASSIC FINAL BOSS AESTHETIC HGL;KSDFMASDF

…..

Way to change the topic wukong

OH i kinda almost like how mk looks in that frame the “answers ain’t in this room” one its so close ;-;

Ig they both know who its supposed to be :T

Ahem okay so this is gonna be a prophesy destiny season alrighty cool cool cool

Sniffs. I feel like the coming down in a beam of light to people reaching up to him is probably misleading given the whole harbinger of chaos thing so maybe Mk’s like, how’s you say this… bam bam boom whack wowza rip the world ig :pensive_emoji:

WHO KNOWS

ANYWAY

Oh mk says “fair point” when monkey king says the final boss thing that’s funny OUGH I WISH I COULD HEAR AND PROCESS THIS IS KILLING ME A BIT

aw lets focus up ;-; i like him

STOMPY STOMPY

Bro those are traps—

MONKEY KINGS FACE GLKASMFSD

yeah

Mk’s steamrolling huh

BBQ’d 2.0

Indiana Jones’ing it MONKEY KING TAKING THE BR

SHUT UP HE LOOKS LIKE BURNT MARSHMALLOW WUKONG EVERYBODY SHUT UP TAHT’S MY DESIGN THAT’S MY BOY

bet you didn’t expect me to fixate on bbq’d wukong huh—

He’s just

on his cloud

MANYMANY DADS

HE SAID IT

HELPGLKMASFASDF

I’m hoping its dads and i’m not mishearing deaths hG;LKJSADF

MONKEY KING WITH STUFF STICKING OUT OF HIMGLMFLKSDF

Lava or axe’s nice

NOOO MK’S MCGUFFIN;SLDKFMA;OEFWN;AWENF;OAWG;KMFLASDMFS MCGUFFINS I’M CRYINGLKSDFMASDFS I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ASHE YOU’RE FUNNY OKAYGLKMSFSD

Aw that’s cute

“three times actually” smug look at the camera

“first time was just the city don’t get cocky”

I’m liking a lot of the dialogue in this ep a lot more than the first two ngl feels more monkie kid but HEY ITS ASHE SO THAT MAKES SENSEG;LKSMDFSD

I love Wukong telling Mk this ngl

“look i don’t know how many times you gotta learn this—“

A lot monkey king

a lot more times— HGL;KASJDF

Seems like Mk’s getting worn down by the whole destiny thing and its probably gonna end up being something he doesn’t like or something

Monkey king: USE YOUR ABLITY TO MAKE CHOICES

Mk: :(

oUGH

OUGH

NAILING IT

ON MY HANDS AND KNEES THANK YOU ASHE FOR WRITING THE CHARACTERS I LOVE, THAT WAS PLAYING DUMB TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD DONE WELL WAILS

MAAAN

Sniffs okay okay

oooo STARS

FANCY

“I can sense it”

“What fr???”

that’s funny and also ominous

a lot of “i can feel it”’s going around here hLKG;JASDF

Bro fr i thought it’d be another map—

They’re goofy

Ohhhh OHH I get it, the bird is the

stone

yeah

that makes sense

stone bird

so all the stones are those creatures at the start

and merged together they’re that giant chimera freaky creature plus whatever snake guy lego set dude merged together

.

maybe

so stones together in fact busts stuff up fr?

AYO? WHY’S THE BIRD DOING A LADY BONE DEMON THING

OH THEY HOVERING NOW

Hi Nuwa

I’m sorry i never got to see flying bark animate you ;-;

OKAAAY I gotta process all that

So it’s definitely gonna be like a keep the universe from getting destroyed thing, but also probably a fake out of he’s meant to destroy it or something because PSYCH YOU THOGUHT WE WERE GONNA BE STRAIGHTFORWARD—or something like that final answer (its not my final answer i’ll come up with something better later maybe)

The phoenix sounds like somebody trying to sound Chinese

….

jurys still out on whether they succeeded or not

coughs

Mk sacrifice his existence?

Okay i do like the um… difference in responses from mk and wukong “—to save the world?” and Mk’s like D: and wukong’s like >:[ more like. feels like he’s going AHA YEHA NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BRO— conviction nuh-uh kinda vibe maybe

SIGHS

mEI STILL SOUNDS OFF TO ME I DON’T WANT HER TOO BUT RAAAAAAAAA Save me guys take me back to when i wouldn’t notice this ;-; make me into one of those people who everyone sounds the same to or something (pls don’t i like being able to decipher voices) MAAAN good voice acting still tho, good yell, well done

Circlet used to keep monkey king down so he can’t save mk real?

Dang they really spoiling the end of the season here—well if it actually goes like this, mk never got engulfed in fire like the lady bone demon claimed he would so this might not even happen lol

“Your hearts have been measured”

Swk: OKAY FIGHT TIME BECAUSE AIN’T NO WAY I PASSED THAT—

Swk do you need to sit down and talk about it buddy? :( ?

And poof gone==oh those are pretty big

HA

Trial after all

True true mentor stuff still stands

hmhm no thoughts!

WHY IS HIS MONKEY FORM ALL EVIL SMILEY

PIGSY YOU DID NOT CARRY HIM

PIGSY

P I G S Y

Mk: [another crisis]

Okay no fr respectfully someone needs to throw tang down the stairs GET OFF MY MAAAAN

Swk felt very silly goofy in this episode

It does kinda feel like he’s helping Mk avoid what he doesn’t want to think about now, which, is interesting!

DID TANG JUST TELL DADSY TO MUSH

TANG W H Y

I GET ITS FOR THE RUNNING GAG BUT W H YYYYYYY

This is p interesting tho, this episode definitely felt more like monkie kid to me, it’s still just MAN is it missing the heart and soul flying bark brought and I’m still having a lot of trouble processing the audio to an almost ridiculous degree of the amount of times i have to go back and replay and not to enjoy a line but to actually hear it regardless of how much i have my sound turned up so there’s still some OOF stuff but all in all the gags on this one were good and my three weeks away have helped me put enough distance between the animation and me that i can actually kinda watch it now!! LEGOOOO

Next reaction ep hopefully coming sometime this week so until then KNOX OUT BABYYYYY

[sparklepirate]

Alright, final thoughts on Inheritance.

;-;

Eragon continues to be the guy of all time. I love him. He really displayed a maturity in this book that I think supersedes anything we've seen of him in all the previous books, and just like... His strength really is that he is compassionate and thoughtful towards everyone. Even Murtagh, now, too. He had the realization of how close he was to sharing his fate, sought to understand him, and that was ultimately what led him to realizing his true name had changed, tearing down Galbatorix's wards, etc etc. I don't know that I could properly articulate everything about him here, but Eragon definitely became the hero he needed to be by the end of the series, 100%. He is the only person who could've possibly thought of the final piece of magic to defeat Galbatorix. Even the dreams of starlings are equal to the worries of a king. Ahhh, it's so good. ❤️ I'm so proud of him.

On the other hand, Barst was some bullshit. Bro. Like, on the one hand, it was a very good climactic battle for Roran to participate in, and his triumph was the perfect culmination of his character- cunning in battle, cunning in strategy, the intelligence and charisma to sway everyone around him into cooperating and working together, sheer determination so intensely strong that he was able to crush and Eldunarí with his bare hands. His role was perfect! But Barst as a villain was kinda... Well, first of all, he came completely the fuck out of nowhere. He wasn't mentioned at all until they were already on their way to Uru'baen, and then he was only MENTIONED. They didn't hype him up enough before the actual battle in my opinion. And ONE human and one Eldunarí being enough to beat the QUEEN OF THE ELVES in hand to hand combat...? I mean, I guess that could work but... Ehhh... I dunno. It kind of felt like an excuse for Islanzadí to die, and Roran to triumph more than anything. It was cool, but it was probably the weakest part of the plot in my opinion.

That said though I think it's pretty safe to say this was my favorite book of the series. I'm having trouble recalling all the iconic shit (I took a pretty long break from reading about halfway through the book) but there was soooo much cool stuff in here. The Nasuada being kidnapped and being helped by Murtagh arc is GOLD, Vroengard was amazing, and all the battles were SO well written??? I need to study these books more closely just to learn how to write compelling fight scenes. Honestly, it's gripping stuff. I was on the edge of my seat, despite knowing how everything turns out.

Nasuada is amazing, Arya is amazing, Saphira is amazing, Roran is amazing, MURTAGH is amazing... I think I already liked basically every character in this series going in, but I somehow like them even more now that I've read it again. Everyone is so good, and interesting, and I want to be everyone's friend. I think the only character I liked less this go around was Orrin (sorry to my Orrin stan friend out there). That said, though, I don't dislike him, I think I just went from positive to neutral about him.

Orrin honestly just didn't get nearly as much screen time as I remembered? We only see him a handful of times throughout the book and each time the only thing he's doing is getting drunk and making an ass of himself, though... Idk, he also has a point? He has his own unique point of view, and his own unique experiences that lead him to his own ideas of how to conduct things, and it is definitely kind of true that like no one ever really listens to him or takes him seriously, despite being the King of Surda for w while at that point. I don't think there was a more graceful solution to the division of power/territory after Galbatorix was killed than what was decided upon, because like... Realistically, Orrin was never gonna be high king. He had good reason to assert for the throne, sure, but actually ascending to the throne? That is SUCH a far reach for power, unless the aim was to assimilate Surda in and have all of the humans under one crown. Nah, Nasuada giving up territory and ascending to the throne was the better choice, even if I do empathize with Orrin's point of view. It seems like Nasuada did as well, because even though she was persistent, she seemed to be gentle and sympathetic with him. He even had his line about like... "Why do you even want to do this?" "None of you would understand." Idk. Very interesting, but not tremendously notable compared to others, and he definitely was a bit of an asshole at times.

Murtagh my beloved my BELOVED I'm honestly just gonna make a whole separate essay post about him because his shit is Complicated™️ but one little note it was such a small detail at the end but I love that he said to Eragon "Hey check in on Arya about killing Shruikan. It couldn't have been easy for an elf to kill a dragon." And Eragon hadn't even THOUGHT of that and Arya probably would've been the last thing on his mind but he still was just so thoughtful. He is thoughtful like his brother and he cares so deeply and AHHH!!! And actually I want to see him and Arya be buds. I think they would have a cool dynamic. And also I love that he never once hesitated to acknowledge Eragon as his brother and just wanted to be with him and finally Eragon also acknowledged him as a brother too that last scene with them was just so good 🥹

Also I love how Thorn's like only spoken line in the whole series (until November) is to boop Eragon on the forehead and say "Hi. Thank you for not killing my rider. :)" and Murtagh is just like "Yeah thanks for that. 😒"

Love how quick Saphira and Fírnen hit it off lol. They really played tag and wrestled for like five minutes and then were like "Alright we're gonna go fuck like now see y'all later ✌️" And Eragon's like "Is this??? Okay???" And Saphira's like "Pfft dragon's don't mate for life 🤷‍♀️" Their little romance was so cute.

CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT QUEEN AND RIDER ARYA??? That shit is by FAR the wildest endgame decision Chris made because like. That. That's so fucking. Oh my god??? Like, one, poor Arya!! She just wanted to be a rider and have adventures! She probably would've either spent her time happy herrying eggs across Alegaësia, or she would've gone with Eragon to Mount Arngor, but you can NOT convince me that she would be particularly happy as queen. She's grieving the loss of her mother that she barely had a relationship with, and denied the other eleven leaders for a full week before they convinced her to do it!!! Girlie!!! You deserve to be happy!!! And, two, the obvious point of holy shit that is such an enormous power imbalance in favor of the elves. Like, there is a REASON the riders were separate in the first place!! And, you know, Galbatorix JUST died and now there is another rider/monarch and it's the ELVES who have historically been both the most powerful race, and the race with the best relationship with the dragons. And Arya is the ONLY RIDER LEFT IN ALEGAËSIA!!! Because Eragon is gone (and stubbornly convinced that He Shall Never Again Return Oh Woe Is Him) and Murtagh is... Also gone to an extent. He at the very least holds no political power. Basically everyone hates him, and those that don't can't do more than, like, pardon him, for whatever that's worth. I just can't see this not rubbing people the wrong way, and not coming to an eventual head. Nasuada and Arya are both great, but I just get the feeling there is going to eventually be some sort of conflict between them, no matter how much neither of them want it. I do think Arya is perhaps the least corruptible person, other than maybe Eragon but... I don't knowwww maaaan it's complicated!!

Also I regret to inform everyone that rereading the last little bit did make me ship Eragon and Arya a teensy tinsy itty little bit. Just a liiiiittle bit. Like idk the last fairth and the telling each other their true names and calling each other their true names and Eragon's grief at leaving and his vow to love her forever and her insinuation of maybe one day just got to me alright???

There were a lot of cool magic things in this book! Like the pocket space that the Eldunarí were kept in? Cuaroc's body? More shit that I'm forgetting? God I would just love, like, a magical encyclopedia or something idk. Lots of cool shit. And artifacts!! I want to learn about more magical artifacts.

Also at my Galbatorix stan mutual? I'm a certified Murtagh Girlie™️ and therefore obligated to hold a grudge but like. I do get it. He is a... Very competent villain.

Alright I think that's it for now but. Wow. Man oh man. There is a reason I love this series. I'll probably think of some more things to talk about later, and I'm gonna be participating in the Big Bang, and I'll probably post about The Fork, The Witch, and The Worm as I reread that but yeah!!! Can't wait for November!!

[thecruxarm-personal-blog]

A NEW SOPHONT ALIEN SPECIES!!!!!!

Finally!!!!! I made one!!!!! Am I cool now?! :D

*ahem*, anyway, this guy is called a "Camptoscelid" (which roughly translates to "flexible limb" due to how well they can articulate their hips), but can also be called "scelids" for short, as I will do.

They are a radially-symmetrical species with 6 legs, 6 eyes and 12 nostrils (with two on the side of each eye), and are a type of plantimal, meaning they're an animal-like organism which descended from plant ancestors millions of years ago. They have about the same level of intelligence as a human, but are much weaker physically and have no sense of hearing, but they also did eventually form a long-lasting civilisation. Oh also they're sequential hermaphrodites, so they have no use for gendered stuff.

ALSO scelid eyes are able to extend on long stalks, as can be seen in the ref sheet, and each one has two "display sails" which they can extend and retract either at once or individually. Camptoscelids extend and retract their eye stalks and display sails in different combinations and at different lengths to emote, much like human eyebrows, though with more variety...it would be cool to make a chart of their different emotes.

In their pre-history, scelids evolved to scuttle along forest floors, picking and eating fruits, fungi and plantimal equivalents to insects on the ground and the bases of trees. Because of this, their legs (which double as arms) are quite flexible, and this also means they have a great sense of balance when using multiple limbs at once to manpiluate objects. The one pictured above has a dark striped pattern, which serves the purpose of throwing off predators or camoflauging against the forest floor, with the majority of scelid predators living up high in the canopies of the forest. However, some species of scelids can have lighter stripes, or use more spotted or blotchy patterns depending on the local flora (I'll have to get around to making a chatt displaying their different pattern variations).

Here's a version of the reference sheet excluding stripes. I'm mainly including this version for anybody who wants to draw them so they can better see the finer features of their anatomy without all the patterns getting in the way. While it is possible for scelids to have no stripes, it is incredibly rare and considered a genetic deformity.

I don't wanna clutter up this post too much, so if anybody wants to learn more about this species, feel more than free to ask questions in my inbox!!!!! :DDD

I hope others love these little guys as much as I do

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Gah, I can't stop thinking about Hidden Agenda. It's not even my top show on right now, but I think because I spent a number of years training people in communication and conflict, there's just a lot here that is hitting my radar.

I've seen a few takes online about the show being a mess, and how we already know the entire "hidden agenda" due to bad writing, blah, blah, blah. There are also a lot of people talking about how romantic they think the final scene is. And I will never tell anyone their take is wrong, but I want to explain why I feel like there's a lot more than what people are seeing, on both sides. (And credit to both @respectthepetty and @slayerkitty for picking up on the same vibes I am).

Alright, so I'm going to dive in a bit more to this idea of how love is not enough without understanding, and how I'm seeing it expressed in the show.

First thing - for a while now I've been wondering why the debate club was factor in the show. But they just spelled it out for us, and it fits with what I said in my first post about needing to be able to understand someone else's perspective, even if you don't agree with it.

See, at this stage of their relationship, I think Joke & Zo do love each other. But they don't understand each other. Debate-wise - they're on opposite sides.

Jeng and Pok on the other hand - despite getting short shrift on scene time, have reached understanding. (And I'm not a lighting expert, but I read their reaching understanding as being reinforced by the brightness of their room - followed by them literally going out into the light).

But with Joke & Zo we have some big issues still. And I'm mostly putting this on Joke at this point. I am not a savvy color person, but look at his environment when he's confessing. That is one drab-ass green. This is not a pretty shot (except for Joong of course, the man is always fucking gorgeous). There's darkness in this green.

And even once Zo forgives him, it's all artificial light, surrounded by darkness (and storminess).

I'm giving Zo more credit here, because although Zo started out as a lot more withdrawn, as their relationship has progressed, he has opened up a lot more with Joke. He was able to articulate exactly why he was upset and hurt. He is trying to explain his perspective to Joke. But Joke isn't doing the work to understand it. As I said in my earlier post, he feels justified. As long as he doesn't see any potential problem with his own behavior, he's not going to understand Zo's point of view.

And on the opposite side, I also think that Zo doesn't understand Joke. But I'm also putting this on Joke - because HE IS STILL HIDING SOMETHING. I don't know if this is more "the end justifies the means" behavior, or if he's so focused on being the perfect boyfriend that he's scared to let that mask slip. But there is still something more than just collaborating with Pat. He's not giving Zo the opportunity to see the real him.

Where does this clinginess and desperation around love come from?

Why was he initially so hostile when Zo approached him freshman year?

If he already started falling for Zo at that point, what were they fighting about with the freshy contest?

Joke and Zo cannot be together long term yet, because Joke cares more about love than understanding. Which is not enough. It's NEVER going to be enough. And Zo is going to have to hold him accountable for that.

If you've read this whole thing, you are a trooper and I love you.

[eyesoftxmorrow]

i'm not rly the type for mcyt stuff, but i think i finally managed to articulate why qsmp in particular just feels so incredibly special to me.

it's the way that the language proficiency of literally everyone involved is slowly evolving the longer they play together. the way that the english speaking players are making an effort to talk to one another in spanish and vice versa. when this thing started i remember hearing from multiple eng povs that they had to lean a lot on the google translate tab (and thats ok!), but something that really excites me is when i see those same eng ccs express how much they want to learn more about speaking spanish bc it's a way that thet can genuinely connect with their fellow players.

it's not even the fact that it's a minecraft smp; that just Happens to be the medium through which we get to watch this unfold. it's the first time, at least to my knowledge, that we're able to watch both the spanish and english-speaking communities bond over a game they love at a level as involved as this. both sides of the community are equally prominent, and more importantly, they're united in a way that i've never really observed in an online space until now. genuinely ive never seen anything like this before and its just really fascinating to see how all the players take on the challenge of building that bridge over something that once was a communication barrier for them. i love language i love cooperative gaming i love humans having fun learning new things from one another

[genrebender]

There’s something that has been buzzing around in the back of my head for awhile now that I finally figured out how to articulate.

I have a lot of favorite characters, comfort characters, and characters I kin/relate to. One of the characters that fits all three categories is Caleb Widogast, but there is something extra that I just learned to express. Something about him that if I ever meet Liam O’Brien I might start sobbing about how much this character means to me.

He is the only character I’ve ever seen that loves the same way I do. I don’t just mean that he’s a chaotic bisexual disaster or that he’s polyamorous; it’s how deeply and widely he loves, how quickly he comes to care about those around him and how deeply his well of love to give is. It’s his hard to define and place relationship with Veth/Nott. How he falls in love with Jester; how whether it became platonic or is still in some way romantic, when life shows that isn’t what their relationship is going to be they’re dear friends. It’s that regardless of exactly what that love is he, still loves her. The flirting and tension with Mollymauk, and later Lucien. How he sees himself in Essek; though all the trouble in the world hangs around them he falls deeply, even if he holds it back behind the walls of his heart. The way early in the campaign he thinks he should leave the party while they’re all asleep; but he doesn’t, he sits there and lists all the reason to go but he doesn’t. There’s of course the doyelist explanation that the PC needs to stay with the party for the campaign and story, but the Watsonian that he’s already come to deeply care about these people. Even as he tries to keep his heart closed and cold he can’t. Caleb’s heart was designed to love fully, widely, deeply, and passionately. He and Essek are able to fight and stand beside each other as they start to heal. He works to put away his abuser so he can’t do that to anyone again, he becomes a teacher who questions authority and fights against the corrupt parts of the institution, and he continues working to put other corrupt authority figures away.

Even with all Caleb’s been through, all the pain of his past, self loathing, and assholery he works to make the world a better and brighter place. One of the people he once considered abandoning became his sister, the person who helps uproot corruption. This man loves so wholly; familiar, romantic, platonic, and all the messy complicated gray alcoves and variations on that spectrum.

[mm-lurking]

Die for you (Wriothesley)

Originally written for a friend, modified to suit readers. Wriothesley x fem! reader, no warnings needed, just pure fluff and diabetes I guess (Wriothesley + tension = best combo) Word count: 1379 --- I’m finding ways to articulate the feelin’ I’m going through

He knows she’s watching him. He can see it from the corner of his eyes. The Duke is perceptive after all, he is able to observe his surroundings easily. Why is it that any room he steps into, he looks for her first? Why is it when he scans the crowd he wants to see her figure?

I just can’t say I don’t love you

She watches him from a distance, afraid to get close and let her feelings slip. Clamy hands, flushed face, increased heartrate…she is no fool, she knows she’s fallen for him.

Cause I love you

He straightens his tie and clears his throat, not to the words coming out of the Pankraton ring’s manager’s mouth, but because he’s starting to feel like he’s suffocating from her eyes on him. He wants her attention, he wants her gaze yet he cannot handle it well.

It’s hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold

How many times has he tried to say something to her but only fail miserably? He has lost count about the amount of times he has nearly blurted out how he feels and covered it up with some nonsense that somehow sounded convincing to her.

But tonight I am gon’ let you know

How long is he going to continue hiding it from her? It's been weeks, months even. Why was he so afraid of letting her know? It's not like he was going to perish if she rejected him. He manages to finish his conversation with the manager and turns in her direction finally, only to see her gone. She left...

Let me tell the truth

He calls her to his office that night. And to his surprise she doesn't refuse, nor does she question it. He had asked a guard to forward his request to her in the dormitories and she sent back a message saying she agreed. Frankly, he wasn't sure if this was the right way to do this but he didn't what else to do. He needed an answer from her in the privacy of his office just in case things didn't go the way he wanted.

You know what I'm thinkin' see it in your eyes

The office door closes behind her and silence falls. She can hear the soft music of the gramophone playing and the rustling of papers but aside from that it is dead silent. The sudden change of atmosphere from the noisy machines outside makes her nervous and all the physical signs of her feelings rush back into her body. Slowly she walks up the stairs and finally faces him, the very man that's been playing with her heart. Neither knows that the moment they make eye contact, their heart rates shoot up beyond understanding.

You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry, you're scared to be lonely, specially in the night

It is for the first time she notices that he is breathing more heavily than usual. His face is flushed and he pulls on his tie continuously, fidgeting with it. Neither have broken eye contact yet.  These signs..., she thinks to herself, is he...? Does he feel the same way I do? Her eyes widen and she tightly clasps her hands. No...no way...

I'm scared I will miss you, happens everytime, I don't want this feeling, I can't afford love

He finally looks away and clears his throat. What should he say? What can he say? He pretends to look through a document and audibly mumbles a hi. She greets him back in a shy manner and silence falls once more. Unable to handle the fast beating of her heart she attempts small talk.

“So you wanted to see me?”

I try to find reason to pull us apart

“Yeah regarding your jail release papers.”

Lies. That was not why he wanted to see her. Here he was, avoiding the topic once again, just as he had been for the past few months. The woman curiously looks at him and tilts her head.

“Your Grace my sentence is not complete for another twenty years…I killed my friend’s perpetrator, remember?”

“Oh.” 

Of course, how could he forget? When he had first seen her papers he was immediately fascinated at the willpower she had exercised to commit such an act. A lifetime of jail and yet she chose to go this far. Somehow it reminded him of his own story…

It ain’t workin’ ‘cause you’re perfect and I know that you’re worth it

He slams the document down on the table and she flinches. He was upset at himself, frustrated at himself for being so stupid and silly. Why was he behaving like this? How hard was it to say three words?! 

“Y-your Grace…?”

He realises she was still in front of him and gets up to apologise. She watches him press the temples of his head before sighing.

“Forgive me, I just- this doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

She nods but her eyes are still wide. Something is off about him, she notes. I think he likes me but this is just…unexpected.

I can’t walk away, oh

“You.”

He walks around his table and finally stands in front of her. His heart is racing and his face is flushed again but he pushes through. She watches him, observing all his features, his large muscular biceps, the way his chest heaves up and down, the way his shirt is so tight that one button is all it would take to pop it off…she observes everything except his eyes. She can’t look into them no matter how hard she tries.

“There is something I would like you to know.”

He continues slowly. She blinks and he takes it as a sign to continue.

Even though we’re goin’ through it and it makes you feel alone, just know that I would die for you.

“I, I like you.”

He slowly says, exhaling with each other almost as if making sure he’s saying it correctly. She takes a step back out of shock and stares at him, her heart rate absolutely out of this world and her face so red even a tomato would be put to shame. His fists are balled up, afraid of rejection and afraid to know her reaction. The anxiety that races through him is one he has never felt. A few moments of silence follows as he waits for her answer.

Baby I would die for you, yeah

“I…I like you to your Grace…”

She shyly says while fidgeting with her fingers. She stares at the ground and her hair forms a curtain preventing her face from being seen. It’s a good thing he cannot see the cheeky smile she has on her face which has formed from amusement and disbelief. He stares at her in shock, not believing the words coming out her mouth.

The distance and the time between us, it’ll never change my mind ‘cause 

“You like me too?”

He asks her wanting to make sure he’s hearing it right, that this isn’t some hallucination of his from the twenty cups of tea he drinks. She stands tall and finally looks into his eyes with conviction.

“I like you. Very much.”

Baby I would die for you

“Well its a good thing we both feel the same way.”

He chuckles and smirks, the anxiety and nervousness vanishing as if it was never there in the first place. She smiles at how he returns to his normal self.

“So what are we?”

“Feelers.”

“Your Grace!”

“Call me Wriothesley, that title sounds too formal coming from you.”

“As you wish…Wriothesley.”

They both chuckle and she takes a step closer. He looks at her in confusion, unsure what she was planning. She tilts her head upwards and tiptoes causing his lips to almost touch hers. They both look at each other for a moment before letting go of the hesitation. He finds his arms snake around her waist automatically and hers wrapping around his neck. In the privacy of the office, no one would interrupt their kiss.

Baby I would die for you, yeah.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

[aihoshiino]

ive seen interpretations of both but do you think ayumi's abuse of ai only started once the stepdad starting to uh make eyes at her or if it already was a thing before but escalated due to it?

I'm pretty certain and always have been that Ayumi was abusive to Ai the entire time she was in her care - 131 just clarified the shape of it and its point of explosive escalation.

Even prior to that, I was pretty firm in my reading that Ai did not have anything resembling a normative upbringing in her mother's household. Even before we have any of the details about that relationship presented to us, Ai says herself in chapter 1 of the manga no less that she has 'always wanted' a family because she does not have one. As 131 tells us, Ai didn't leave her mother's house until she was nine or ten years old at the very least. She was raised by Ayumi for ten years and still considers herself to be a person who never had a family.

We see this clarified in chapter 8 where Ai more explicitly talks about her abuse: Ayumi abandoned her to the care system after her arrest, which Ai frames as preferable to "getting hit", making it more or less explicit that Ayumi was, in fact, physically violent towards her outside of the incident we hear about in 45510. However, the most damning part of this scene to me comes from elsewhere:

"I don't remember ever being loved."

Even by her own mother. Ai has no memory of ever being loved by Ayumi. We get a reiteration of this idea during Ryosuke's attack on her, as Ai says over and over: she doesn't understand love. She doesn't know how to love people, no matter how desperately she tries.

This by itself is all very alarming before you ever account for Ayumi's violence. Remember that Ai cannot be any older than 11 or 12 years old here and yet this is still how she chooses to describe herself: as a person with no memory of ever being loved. As an antisocial liar, a people-hating liar. A twelve year old child should not be able to even think of herself in these terms, let alone articulate them.

There's a lot of other small hints scattered around, too— Ai is implied to have some anxieties relating to food security and she is shown to be quite short and slight even by the standards of an average Japanese woman, which possibly implies a history of not being fed enough or not having access to food as and when she needed to eat. During her big Ai research session, Akane even directly says that, with the way Ai's personality turned out, there's no way she could have come from a good home environment.

Ai's personality isn't the only red flag here, though. Ayumi herself and the way she talks about both Ai and her abuse of Ai when Aqua finally speaks to her in person paints a very clear picture of the sort of mother she likely was, even in the short amount of time that we have page time with her. I did a much longer analysis of her in a previous post but to TL;DR it, Ayumi spends the entire conversation simultaneously backpedalling at breakneck speed from any claim of agency and responsibility in her abuse of Ai while also placing the blame of that abuse on Ai herself.

Not only that, but here's something I just caught on reviewing the chapter right now — Ayumi never even actually admits to abusing her daughter. Pay attention to how she describes the series of events: She became angry at her boyfriend, jealous of her daughter and then… their family just 'fell apart'. There is a glaring hole, a missing step in this process and that missing step is her violence towards Ai. The closest she ever gets to acknowledging any sort of mistreatment is her saying that she would just "wind up hurting" Ai if they were together again, which is about the most understated nothing sentiment imaginable. Of course Ayumi can never atone for what she did. She can't even fucking admit it.

The way Ayumi disavows herself of agency while centering Ai as holding responsibility for her own victimization and abuse combined with Ai's own personality pretty much makes it explicit to me that Ayumi was emotionally abusive to Ai for all her life. Specifically, I think Ayumi was probably the sort of mother that is colloquially referred to as a "narcissistic mother" - specifically, I think she falls under the umbrella of 'covert narcissist'. While discussing this type of behavior, psychologist Craig Malkin said "Covert narcissists feel special because they believe their pain is more important than others". Covert narcissism is defined by jealousy, difficulty maintaining meaningful relationships, projection of insecurities onto others (in this case, from mother to daughter) and an inability to handle criticism or cop to their own behavior. Sound like someone we know?

Another big tell is just… honestly, looking at any list of the long term effects of this kind of abuse on children. Growing up under this kind of parenting leads to a whole host of issues, but most relevant to my point here is as follows:

Hyper-vigilance towards other peoples' feelings

Poor emotional intelligence; specifically, a lack of comprehension of your own emotions

Unhealthy desires for validation from other people and tendencies towards codependency in relationships

Perfectionism and/or self destructive tendencies, either separately or in parallel

Low self esteem, poor self image, high levels of self doubt and self criticism.

If you're reading that list and going wow! this is basically just a Greatest Hits of everything wrong with Hoshino Ai! then congratulations because you successfully completed my thought experiment for me. I've described the effects of Ayumi's abuse as running through Ai like fault lines before and this is the sort of thing I mean.

I also don't want to leave it unspoken that like… violence the likes of which Ayumi subjected Ai to does not come from nowhere. A normal, loving parent does not escalate to putting fucking glass in her daughter's food no matter what the hell else is going on in their life. It's unclear whether Ayumi's physical abuse of Ai was something that only started after the incident with her stepfather or if it was an aspect of the ongoing abuse she subjected Ai to all her life, but I simply don't think it's possible with everything the manga has laid out, explicitly and implicitly, about their relationship that Ayumi was ever a loving mother to Ai or that the two of them ever had a remotely normal relationship. In a horrible way, Ayumi's abandonment of Ai was the kindest thing she ever did for her, because it means she finally got the fuck out of her life.

[yoonkinii]

We Were Human

Pairing(s): Ascended!AstarionxReader

Part 4:

Synopsis: Astarion died as soon as he became something the world has never seen before. No one noticed the damage before it was too late and the Astarion everyone loved was lost to the new one. No one could notice when the turn was slow and silent. He slowly lost the playful glint in his eyes. Lost the love he gaze upon me with. Lost everything that made him the man I loved. Oh, how I would give anything to get him back. I would gladly give up my damned soul for him.

Aka you are transported back to the past in order to prevent ascended Astarion from losing himself the only problem? You don’t have a lot of time.

-

Warnings: Gore, blood, cruelty, cursing, death/murder, mentions of using oneself unwillingly, abuse. Its ascended Astarion, prepare for the worst.

Masterlist

Note(s): For the sake of the plot- Astarion will not automatically be damned from the start. In this world, Astarion becomes lost to the ascension overtime until he becomes the ascended vampire we know him to be in the game. Another note that should be highlighted is that this story will be told from the first person perspective since it benefits the story more than any other perspective.

You will also notice various things being different from the game. For example, Karlach will be able to stay in the ‘human’ world and she fixed her heart. (I love my girl, I’m not sending her back), Szaars palace has a different layout cause the one in the game was stupid. There will be more that you will notice in the future so beware.

Thank You.

Sorry this part is so short compared to the previous ones. I had to cut it off at that point or else this part would've been crazy long.

-

It wasn’t long until Astarions breathing returned to normal but even then he was unresponsive. The two of us laid there in complete silence, the echoes of life sounding outside of the tent. My hand wadded through his silver locks, gently tugging out knots that appeared in his nightmarish sleep. He clung to me like a lifeline, his fingers clenching the fabric of my shirt, his nose pressed into the pulse point of my neck. We were lifeless in that moment, neither of us moving or talking, simply laying like entwined corpses. Perhaps we already were corpses when we both changed, my heart stopped as soon as I turned into a spawn and his has been gone for centuries. I didn’t know how long had passed since Astarion had woken up as him but it seemed like enough time to finally break the silence.

“How long has this been happening, Astari?”

The nickname fell from my lips without a second thought. I had rarely ever called him that, not since he ascended for the first time in my other life. If I closed my eyes and thought hard enough, I could still remember the way Astarions body paused above mine, his assault on my lips ceasing. At first, I had thought I made a mistake and it wasn’t until he asked me to repeat it to him over and over. Each time the name fell from my lips, a kiss was pressed against them. 

He was silent for a while and I had begun to think he wasn’t going to answer until his shoulders rose as he inhaled. A very human thing he did when there was no need. I could not judge though, I still did it even though I was already dead. My body couldn’t get rid of that habit and it seems neither could he.

“Ever since I ascended.”

The hand that was running through his hair halted, a pain of worry bolting through me. “What?” I asked breathlessly. The hand that wasn’t running through his hair, cupped the side of his; guiding him to look at me. My lips pinched into a fine line as I gazed at the man I loved with my entire being. His ruby eyes were shrouded in grief and a pain I’ve never known before. His eyes which were once filled with light were now weighed heavy with hidden grief. His carefully articulated mask of contemptment had fallen and I was finally seeing the true extent of his torment. His shoulders were hunched, as though he was trying to close in on himself. 

“Why haven’t you told me this?”

Inhaling sharply, my mouth opened to ask another question at his silence but was halted as Astarion suddenly pulled away from my embrace and began pulling on his boots. Lines of confusion appeared between my brows, “Where are you going? We need to talk about this.” 

“We do not need to talk about anything.” Astarion responded through a clenched jaw. He stood and on instinct, I grabbed onto the hem of his tunic, 

“Wait-”

“Let go of me.” He said sharply, “I do not need or want to talk about it. You have been told everything you need to know.”

He didn’t wait for my reply before he exited the tent, leaving me alone. My lips quivered, the familiar burning sensation of frustrated tears brimming my eyes. 

“Gods dammit.” My voice sounded into the air. I was all too familiar with this scene, he did it when he was a spawn. He closed himself off, a defense mechanism he could never part with. It wasn’t him pulling away from me that made the cold grip of anxiety take hold, it was his voice. At that moment, it was not Astarions but his voice commanding me once more. Demanding that I obey, that I bend at his will no matter what. 

I inhaled deeply, settling back into the makeshift bed Astarion had set out. My mind wandered into the deep and darkest recess of my mind. Digging up a past or rather my future if I didn’t change it, searching for anything that could help me- that could guide me. Flashes of pain that stretched from physical to mental flashed across my mind and it was all for naught. I stared at the place that was once filled with Astarions presence, wondering what I should do next. Of  course I wanted to wallow in fear and hide from my other part of my damned soul but what could that do? I would just let him become a victim to become someone that isn’t him.

Do you even know who he is? Who he truly is?

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the thought away as I turned to face the opposite direction of where Astarion was laying. Regardless of all the ‘what if’s’ and ‘whys’ that ran rampant in my mind, I forced myself to lay still and keep my eyes shut until the comforting silence of sleep took over.

-

There was a buzz in the air and it wasn’t just from the bugs calling to each other with the sun beating down on them. The trek to the goblin camps was silent. Astarion didn’t return to the tent last night and I didn’t have the courage to start an argument right when I needed to focus on fighting goblins. Goblins wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the sheer number they gather in. While they were gathered by several higher ups that actually knew how to strategies, they were harmless without someone to lead them. 

“Do you always walk so loud, my dear?”

I blinked, casting Astarion a sideways glance, “Do you always have the need to storm off when we should communicate?”

Astarions lips quirked into a small frown, “I didn’t see the need to discuss anything.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I walked through the dense forest- suddenly self conscious about the way I walk. It was no surprise Astarion thought I was heavy footed since he was a rouge that lived most of his life slinking in the shadows. Being a sorceress did not require being silent and hiding in the shadows, not when I could easily cast spells that could injure people efficiently. There was a time when Karlach, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart tried teaching me something else other than spells. They claimed that relying on the weave was too risky since I was constantly fighting. They tried their best but the most I could grasp was how to wield a dagger. While Lae’zel grumbled about ‘sorcerers being unreliable in combat’ under her breath, Karlach and Shadowheart deemed it enough. Shadowheart said I would be alright as long as I knew how to stab someone with something sharp. 

Even though his talents were needed more than anything- anyone could swing a blade and hurt someone regardless if it was on purpose or not- no one could grasp how he walked so silently through any terrain. Even now, with all the fallen leaves, bramble, and branches littering our path, I couldn’t hear a single step. Where I had to concentrate to walk softly (which was useless since I would end up  making noise anyway) he did it with ease. 

Astarion stopped for a moment and I froze, looking around to see if there was anything nearby that would have made him stop. He angled his head, tilting it as if he was trying to listen better. Wordlessly, he turned on his heel and started walking in another direction. I moved to follow him but he looked at me over his shoulder, 

“I think it’s best if we separate.”

I gave him a wary look, hands coming to rest on my hips, “What? Why?”

“Do I really have to explain everything to you?” He replied through a clench jaw, his gaze hard as he looked at me. 

My jaw fell slack, looking at Astarion as if he wasn’t real and standing before me.

“Are you serious right now? I have no idea why you are so angry at me when all I wanted to do was help.” I replied roughly, face pinched into annoyance. I knew I shouldn’t be pushing his buttons, not when he was still the same person that tortured me time and time again. He wasn’t the Ascended Vampire I was familiar with but he would turn into him if I didn’t help him properly. I could either be pushing him towards losing himself or pulling him away and I had no idea if arguing with him was helping. 

“You dare speak to me like that? Like you are not beneath me.”

My whole body tensed. I knew that voice, it haunted my dreams and lurked in my memories. Astarion- no, he stalked towards me. His body was full of grace but I knew every bone in his body craved for violence, to breath in the taste of pain that would soon coat the air. I stumbled back, feets getting caught in the uneven floor of the forest. My back thudded against a tree and I watched with fear blown eyes as he came closer until we were chest to chest. His eyes met mine and I forced them to look away, to peer straight at his chest. There was no rise and fall of his chest, there was no warmth to his skin, Astarion was him and I had no idea how to handle it. 

I flinched slightly as his hand ran through my hair ever so gently. My jaw clenched tightly, I was surprised my teeth didn’t shatter. My eyes snapped shut as his face got closer, his lips whispering against the skin of my cheekbone. 

“Oh Darling,” He said lowly, his voice a rumble in his chest. “Look at me.” Suddenly, his hand yanked my head back harshly by the hair at the nape of my neck. I yelped, pain bursting through my skull. Instinctively, I grabbed hold of his wrist, looking at him with fear driven eyes. He tutted his lips, a mocking pout playing on his lips, “What ever should I do with you” he questioned himself, his words whispered against my skin. 

“Should I leave you here on the brink of death, leave you just alive enough to remain conscious to feel your body piercing itself together? Or should I take away the privilege of allowing you to withstand the sun? Maybe then you will learn to appreciate the kindness I have shown you.” 

His threats left their icy marks in my heart. Fear invaded my senses, my breathing harsh and rapid which was ridiculous. My lungs did not need air but the notion still forced me to spiral. 

“Please, Astarion.” I stuttered meekly, the grip I had on him tight but it didn’t do anything to deter him. It probably felt like nothing on him. He raised a white brow towards me, his head angling to the side. Without a word, he yanked my head back further, forcing me to crane my neck at a painful angle. 

“You are talking to a vampire ascendant. I am a God and you,” He bit out, “Are nothing.” His face was passive, no lines of emotions on his beautiful features. Sunlight shined down on him, his lashes almost a blinding white. How could something be so beautiful and cruel at the same time. How could my dead heart only feel alive when it was around him.

“I-I’m sorry, Lord Astarion.” 

It was easy to revert back into the mold I was taught how to fit into. It was easy to obey and beg for forgiveness. I felt many emotions at that moment but I mostly felt annoyed at how right he was. He was something while he was my everything. Only through him I was safe from the sun, safe from the bloodlust, but I wasn’t safe at the same time. I wasn’t safe from my very own savior. 

I was so frustrated that tears bubbled my eyes, blurring my vision. I felt my throat tighten, the familiar pain of sobs wanting to erupt coming unwelcome. I didn’t want to cry, it was the last thing I wanted to do but the sense of helplessness was too overbearing. I had forgotten what it felt like to be in love with a monster. To him I was nothing, but he was my everything. All I was his spawn, a thing that is used to please him and nothing more. I had forgotten what it felt like to be looked at not as a person but an object. 

Abruptly, he pulled away like my skin burned him. He flung himself away so hard that he collided into a tree across from me. I stood there frozen, watching as my lungs heaved in relief. I blinked back the unfallen tears, running my hands through my own hair as though to take away the taint of his harshness off my being. 

Astarion was leaning on the trunk, his hand gripping his chest like he meant to tear out his own heart. I gulped, swallowing my own shame and taking a step forward. It did not matter how scared I was. This was not normal and I had to figure out why. At the sound of my step Astarion flinched, his downcasted gaze meeting mine. I inhaled a sharp breath at the sight of the man who threatened to leave me to die here only seconds before look at me with such fear. Astarion stumbled away, his skin clammy with sweat and glinting in the rays of sun. 

“Stay away.”

His voice was so soft that it strained my eyes to hear him. My eyes narrowed in confusion. He suddenly looked like an animal that was cornered. He coward away from me, every small step I towards home resulted in him shuffling away as if moving away pained him. 

“Astarion,” I said as gently as I could even with anxiety choking me. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

Astarion doubled forward like an imaginary force hit him from behind. He gritted his teeth, his own fangs piercing into the sensitive flesh of his bottom lip. Droplets of blood bubbling from the small wounds. Sweat dripped down his brow, into his eye causing him to blink harshly. He glanced at me with pain narrowed brows, mumbling,  “I’m sorry” before he abruptly stumbled away disappearing into the dense forest. 

I stood in shock for longer than I would have liked. My mind paralyzed with shock as it witnessed something it’s never seen before. This had never happened before, the way he was present one moment before disappearing another. I quickly gathered my thoughts, running through the memories of my ‘past’ life to account how Astarion was after he returned from this expedition by himself. He returned with nothing other than himselfs even though he left with a vast amount of supplies just in case. He only had one thing with him and it was himself covered with blood that wasn’t his. It was only then that the first instance of what people knew as Astarion began to diminish. He smiled less, got irritated more often, the lines of emotion on his face began to fade. He loved me less and wanted me more. He was shorter with me, not wanting to explain his decisions to me no matter how much I pleaded. He wasn’t him yet but he was starting to become him. 

This could only mean one thing, something happened during his time handling the goblin camp that no one was able to witness or stop him from doing. And going off with what just happened, it hasn’t happened yet- if going off I was going off the previous interactions we’ve had. 

I swallowed the lump of nerves building in my throat down, determination filling my veins. I had to find Astarion before whatever happened in the past happens in the present. Even if it kills me. The only problem is, tracking him would almost be impossible since he was always soft footed and careful of his tracks. I only had one thing to go off of and that was the direction he ran in- to a place I knew would be there. A Goblin Camp.