#I was hoping to listen to the Audiobook when this was done but I guess I still have to wait

[pippin-katz]

I need a cast audiobook of RWRB. If no one else, then at least Taylor and Nick reading Alex and Henry. I need it in my life.

And in ACD fashion, here’s a few lists of lines/conversations from the book that I am desperate to hear them say. I want to hear them read all of the lines, but these are the ones that pop out to me!

Post Writing Note: These turned out to be way longer than I thought they were going to be 😭😂

Alex Lines:

Oh yeah, that was a wild night. Two whole keynote speakers. Nothing sexier than shrimp cocktails and an hour and a half of speeches on carbon emissions. - page 5

'Archnemesis' implies he's actually a rival to me on any level and not, you know, a stuck-up product of inbreeding who probably jerks off to photos of himself. - page 7

Jesus Christ, it’s like they can see into your soul. Cornbread knows my sins, Henry. Cornbread knows what I have done, and he is here to make me atone. - page 77

I always thought you’d kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual. - page 80

Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God. - page 131

For fuck's sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night. - page 145

What in the rich-white-people-sex-dungeon hell? - page 149

Bisexuality is truly a rich and complex tapestry. - page 194

Listen: I'll fly to London right now and pull you out of whatever pointless meeting you're in and make you admit how much you love it when I call you "baby". I'll take you apart with my teeth, sweetheart. - page 204

You don't get to sit up here and pretend like it's someone else's problem. None of us do. - page 209

i want to see a cage match between your grandmother and this fucking ghoul running against my mom. - page 221

I do think I got a gut feeling with you, I just didn't have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star? - page 244

Henry! Your Royal fucking Highness! - page 269

Really nice. Fuckin' ghost me for a week, make me stand in the rain like a brown John Cusack, and now you won't even talk to me. I'm really just having a great time here. I can see why y'all had to marry your fucking cousins. - page 270

I fucking love you, okay? Fuck, I swear. You don't make it fucking easy. But I'm in love with you. - page 271

I'll leave, as soon as you tell me to leave. - page 275

Okay, I'm into making history. - page 280

I completely fucking love you. - page 291

I'm there for whatever you decide you want to do, just, like, let me know if I need to start practicing gazing wistfully out the window, waiting for my love to return from the war. - page 296

AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES Note: just the entire list, I need it, but I'll point out some of the best ones anyway lol

9. How hard you try. 10. How hard you've always tried. 11. How determined you are to keep trying. - page 303

16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. 17. Your equally huge dick. 18. The face you just made when you read that last one. - page 303

20. The fact that you loved me all along. - page 303

God, I want to fight everyone who's ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn't it? All that time. I'm so sorry. - page 303

Listen, I'm telling you right now, I will physically fight your grandmother myself if I have to, okay? And, like, she's old. I know I can take her. - page 312

You and me and history, remember? We're just gonna fucking fight. Because you're it, okay? I'm never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you. - page 312

Sería una mentira, porque no sería él. (It would be a lie, because it wouldn't be him.) - page 317

but i've kissed your mouth, that corner, that place it goes, so many times now. i've memorized it. topography on the map of you, a world i'm still charting. i know it. i added it to the key. here: inches to miles. i can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude. recite your coordinates like la rosaria. - page 319

give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you. - page 320

Zahra, you're my mean friend. - page 339

I've never... I haven't been through anything like that. But I've always felt it, in him. There's this side of him that's... unknowable. But the thing is, jumping off cliffs is kinda my thing. That's the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose. - page 344

For what it's worth, that is the bravest son of a bitch I've ever met. - page 347

My life is a cosmic joke and you're not a real person. - page 371

You are, the absolute worst idea I've ever had. - page 372

FIRST SON ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ'S ADDRESS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, OCTOBER 2, 2020 - pages 372-375 Note: just, the entire speech, the whole thing

America: He is my choice. - page 374

Henry Lines:

Hmm, I always liked Luke. He's brave and good, and he's the strongest Jedi of them all. I think Luke is proof that it doesn't matter where you come from or who your family is--you can always be great if you're true to yourself. - page 45

The turkeys are not going to Jurassic Park you. You’re not the bloke from Seinfeld. You’re Jeff Goldblum. Go to sleep. - page 82

You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life. - page 73

fucking eyelashes - page 142

I shall just have to make it the best orgasm of your life. What can I do to make it good for you? Talk about American tax reform during the act? Have you got talking points? - page 196

How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose? - pages 202-203

They wanted something less fruity than the truth, but truly, what is gayer than a woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown every day of her life, for the drama? - page 205

Someone else's choice doesn't change who you are. - page 229

Most things are awful most of the time, but you're good. - page 230

The phrase "see attached bibliography" is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me. - page 241

Should I tell you that when we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I've been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all? - page 242 Note: based on the parts of this we did get to hear Nick say in the film, I think this would kill half the fandom lol

When have I ever, since the first instant I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you? - page 272

I never thought I'd be stood here faced with a choice I can't make, because I never... I never imagined you would love me back. - page 273

The Mail will write mad speculations about where I've gone, if I've offed myself or vanished to St. Kilda, but only you and I will know that I'm just sprawled in your bed, reading books and feeding myself profiteroles and making love to you endlessly until we both expire in a haze of chocolate sauce. It's how I'd want to go. - page 294

Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock. - page 298

"Because I'm not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip." - page 298

But the first time I saw you. Rio. I took that down to the gardens. I pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase. It didn't fit in any rooms. - page 300

I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I though, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire. - page 300

And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. - page 300 Note: I really wanted to just type out most of the page, but I restrained myself lmfao

I don't know if I would have chosen it yet, but it's out there now, and... I won't lie. Not about this. Not about you. - page 338

Bit short for a stormtrooper. - page 340

I've bloody well had it. I've sat about long enough letting you and Gran and the weight of the damned world keep me pinned, and I'm finished. I don't care. You can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, Philip. I'm done. - page 347

I've been as gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip. - page 353 Note: there's never too many times to hear the words "gay as a maypole" and the emotional infliction here is lot different lol

Both:

Am I offending you? Sorry I'm not obsessed with you like everyone else. I know that must be confusing for you. Do you know what? I think you are. Only a thought. Have you ever noticed I have never once approached you and have been exhaustingly civil every time we've spoken? Yet here you are, seeking me out again. Simply an observation. - page 18

This is idiotic. Let's get it over with. I'd rather be waterboarded. Your country could probably arrange that. Go fuck yourself. Hardly enough time. - pages 36-37 Note: yes, I know Nick read this part in his book-to-screen video thingy but it's not the same as having them both saying the lines fully in character.

What does Jedi have? Fuckin' Ewoks. Ewoks are iconic. Ewoks are stupid. - page 52

yo there's a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe I BEG YOU TO NOT - page 84

I'm going to die. I'm going to kill you. Yes, you are. - page 133

You were jealous. You want me. Yes, you preening arse, I've wanted you long enough that I won't have you tease me for another fucking second. - page 137

Hi. Hello. I'm gonna take your pants off now. Yes, good, carry on. - page 141

Ugh, you look ridiculous. Should I-- What? No, of course not, keep them on. Oh my God, what are you doing? I can't even look at you. No, Jesus, I just mean--I'm so mad at you. Just, come here. Fuck. I'm quite confused. Me fucking too. - page 150

I'm not... historically great at talking about things. Well, I wasn't historically great at blowjobs, but we all gotta learn and grow, sweetheart. - page 165

Bitch, you took me there. alskdjfadslfjad NORA YOU BROKE HIM - page 212

D'you know what I want? What? I want, to do the absolute last thing I'm supposed to be doing right now. Then tell me to do it, sweetheart. Fuck me. Well, when at Wimbledon. Just so we're clear, I'm about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. Like, that's what's happening? Right. Awesome, fucking' love doing things out of spite. - page 217 Note: I think this conversation could singlehandedly kill the fandom if we got to hear Taylor and Nick deliver these lines

Can't you ever just do one thing without having to be so goddamn extra about it? That is bloody rich coming from you. - pages 260-261

What do you want? I want you- Then fucking have me. -but I don't want this. - page 273

You seem... less pissy. You're one to talk. I wasn't the one who stormed the palace in a fit to call me an 'obtuse fucking asshole'. In my defense, you were an obtuse fucking asshole. - page 277

I honestly have never thought I deserved to choose. But you treat me like I do. You do. I think I'm actually starting to believe that. - page 279

What about you? What about me? Christ, Alex. The whole bloody time. The whole time? Since the Olympics. The Olympics? But that's, that's like- Yes, Alex, the day we met, nothing gets past you, does it? 'What about you,' he says, as if he doesn't know- Shut your mouth. - page 283-284

Hello, what was that for? I just, like, really love you. - page 286

What are you doing? I'm taking a picture of a national gay landmark. And also a statue. It's funny. I always thought of the whole things as the most unforgivable thing about me, but you act like it's one of the best. Oh, yeah. The top list of reason to love you goes brain, then dick, then imminent status as a revolutionary gay icon. You are quite literally Queen Victoria's worst nightmare. And that's why you love me. My god, you're right. All this time, I was just after the bloke who'd most infuriate my homophobic forebears. Ah, and we can't forget they were also racist. Certainly not. Next time we shall visit some of the George III pieces and see if they burst into flame. - page 289

If Alex from this time last year could see this. He'd say, 'Oh I'm in love with Henry? That must be why I'm such an arse to him all the time'. - page 387

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this post & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[revasserium]

people I'd like to get to know better

thank u for tagging me @bby-deerling <3 it was so fun reading all ur answers and i def wanna get to know u better too!!! i just... haven't been online as much lately (っ◞‸◟ c)

Last song: ???

so. actually. i don't RLY listen to music much on a daily (or even weekly??) basis if at all??? I KNO. it's wild. bc i mainly listen to audiobooks/podcasts when i'm commuting or just like chilling doing chores. my latest audiobook was actually an audible original drama called henrietta & eleanor which was a modern retelling of the og classic jekyll and hyde by robert louis stevenson. i hope??? that kinda sorta counts???

Favorite color: pink!!!!!!

what can i say? im a barbie/disney princess girlie at heart. and also physically -- everything i own is pink. i have 4 custom keyboards and they are all pink

Last Movie: the boy and the heron

my bf and i actually went to see this in theaters when it came out in nyc! super amazing, highly recommend; i've a deep love of animated films, from ghibli to pixar and everything in between so !!!

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: spicy/savory

i love spicy food. i love hot cheetos, i love anything that makes my whole face feel like it's going to melt off... well, my face.

Relationship Status: happily taken <3

my bf and i are actually closing in on our 3yr anniversary! i feel very lucky to have snagged possibly the last good man in all of nyc sdlkfjsdslskdf he cooks, he's supportive, he runs me baths when i tell him im stressed, he brings me wine when im sitting in those baths lol, he indulges in all my weird hobbies; i constantly am like AM I DOING ENOUGH IN RETURN??? but he assures me that i am <3 this is the first bf i've ever had in my life, and honestly hopefully the last! i consider myself very very lucky to have found someone i love so deeply. but also, i was never interested in dating until i met him so... i guess sometimes the hallmark movies do get it right!

Last thing I googled: french linen duvet cover

im trying to live my dreams of having a fully french-linen bed set; so far, i've got the fitted sheet and pillow cases. i just need the duvet cover !!! but sweet baby jesus french linen is EXPENSIVE.

Current Obsession: handmade press-on nails

OKAY listen;;; there was a stand in ktown in nyc that had them and i passed by and got some on a whim??? they kinda slap???? like i don't have to pay 100+ dollars to get single color gels done at a salon, and have sUPER cute designs!!! i think u can get them on etsy too but im in love !!!

tagging: @violettduchess @skiagrafia @dira333 @jamesbparker

[imogenlefay]

So, I read this book... Daisy Jones & The Six

so, i've been thinking about doing a thing, and maybe someone finds it interesting, or maybe it's just for me to order my thoughts and i'll get bored to it before march, but we'll see. basically, for the last two years i've been keeping track of the books i read (or audiobooks i listen to) bc i felt like i'm not reading enough (except for fanfiction). and while i'm far behind people who actually read a lot, and woefully behind how much i used to read when i was a teen, i'm actually pretty happy with the progress. made it to 34 in 2022 and 40 in 2023, and hope to get more done this year. 2024 is starting off strong, just finished my first book of the year, and usually when i do that, i have thoughts. so what's the point of blogs if not to put that out there, so it stops haunting my head? or maybe even get someone else's thoughts on things? so i decided to blog about the books i read (unless i forget or don't feel like it), starting with general feelings and then going into spoilery feelings. so, yeah, this is what this is going to be. let's go.

Summary: a look back on fictional rockband The Six rising to fame, where they meet It Girl Daisy Jones, leading to the collab of a century, until the band breaks apart after one show in Chicago. Told completely in interview snippets.

General Feelings: say what you want, it's a fast read, and it's fun. the style of writing with everything being interview snippets, aka the band members' and friends' memories, works really well, especially the parts where one person remembers things, and the next person directly contradicting their memory. it's a quick way to give you everyone's point of view, and sowing the seeds of miscommunication and conflict. the story is easy to follow, and it's also easy to feel for most of the protagonists. the characters are likable enough, and their conflicts are mostly realistic. the final show in chicago and the general fall out unfortunately fall kind of flat for me. like... this is it? it's not much of a bang, tbh... which maybe sums up my feelings about the whole thing. it's a fun ride, but at the end, it's like "huh, guess that was it?" it is fun, but it's just not very deep, i guess. although the way they describe the songwriting process and the songs that result from it really was cool to read. another fun fact, i totally forgot there's a show until i googled the book cover. and since i was reading and caught myself wanting to check out the songs, only to remember they're not real... well, that might be enough motivation to check out the show. Recommendation: yes, i'm doing that before the actual feelings part cause i can't discuss those without spoilers. so, if anybody cares, rec first. Daisy Jones & the Six is a casual read. like, vacation book. for the beach, for train rides, for flights. it's fun to breeze through, but i doubt it'll really grip most people. so yeah, not a must read, but can be fun, light reading.

Spoilery feelings:

(consider yourself warned)

there are a few things that really didn't work for me.

i never really got into the whole daisy/billy thing. like, his instant antipathy, the weird rivalry, and then her oh so deep love for him, and at the end, him finally kinda sorta loving her but loving his wife more... maybe that's part of the format. both of them looking back at it from the future, where it's just not that present anymore. but it didn't ring that true.

my biggest problem was probably drug use and how it was handled. it just felt so trivial and meaningless. like sure, for both billy and daisy it's supposedly the central struggle, but it just fell so flat for me. i know part of that is that early december i read Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo, which (in germany) is a famous non-fiction account describing the fall into heavy drug use of an extremely young girl (starting at 12, i think), and it's the bleakest thing i've ever read, with the girl herself describing how she fell into heavier and heavier drugs, paid for by prostitution. so it's dark, and it's heavy, and compared to that the drug use in Daisy Jones feels almost offensive in how little weight it has. the comparison is super unfair, i know, i'm primed and biased, sure. but after that, the book may say a million times "oh yeah, that was a bad time for daisy", but it just doesn't ring true.

i'm not sure if the identity of the interviewer is supposed to come off as a twist? like, sure, i didn't see it coming, but it didn't really have an impact, either.

lacking impact is probably my final point. while the book, especially with the format of the interviews, is really good at painting the conflicts within the group, i didn't feel like these paid off in a significant manner. like, eddie's whole growing resentment never went anywhere except being a red herring. the show in chicaco wasn't that special in the end, was it? nothing happened at the show himself. just, the band broke at many different places at once, but they barely impacted each other. billy's struggle with addiction toppling over, daisy having a breakdown and camila helping her through it, pete getting married, the karen/graham thing exploding... like, you could see them coming, but the resolution all at once felt kinda random. like, it didn't feel like there's this big bang setting off all the dominos (yeah, mixing metaphors, i know), but more like "oh yeah, that's all happening now, i guess". sure, there isn't always a big bang, but i feel like they teased one, and then there was nothing. so i guess the end feels a bit anticlimactic, like it just fizzled out.

it was still fun to read, but more like meaningless fun, i guess. definitely preferred "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo", which was super fun. interesting writing style, but story is a bit shallow. okay, now i talked enough about a book i kinda sorta liked but wasn't super impressed by. anyone else thoughts about it? did you read it? did you watch the show? do you or did you have feelings about it? seriously would love to hear them!

[lizziestudieshistory]

2023 Reading Summary

I'm late...again... It's hardly a surprise. However, I've finally looked at my reading for 2023. The only stats I tracked this year was the genre, and even this was a simplified version because I decided I don't care. I spent most of my time this year recording what I thought about the books I read not the data surrounding them. And, if I'm honest, I don't think I'll even bother with the genre in 2024.

The Numbers

In total I read 84 books, which considering I've been working or training full time all year is surprising for me. On average I tend to read 60-70 books in a normal year, usually towards the lower end, so almost 20 books over that is a very pleasant surprise.

The biggest surprise has been my change in most read genre! I've only recorded 4 genres, classic, nonfiction, fantasy, and general fiction, these broke down to:

Classic 53%

Fantasy 31%

Nonfiction 12%

General fiction 4%

Fantasy is usually my top genre with over 50%, so this is a change (I don't think it will be permanent). However the largest shock is the nonfiction! I never read nonfiction for fun, but I guess this is a change from leaving university. I don't have to learn for work anymore, so I'm now looking into these things for fun as the mood takes me. I am disappointed these haven't been history books, however, I'm hoping to change that in 2024 and it has been nice learning more about literature in 2023.

Top Three Books

I tried to do a top 5 but the gap between 3 and 4 was too large, so I've narrowed it down to a top 3.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula K. Le Guin

Evelina by Fanny Burney

I loved all of these books in different ways, and I think I've done a mini review of each in the months I read them. However, if anyone wants detailed thoughts then I'm more than happy to talk about any of these books.

Biggest Surprises

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

Silas Marner by George Eliot

Goblin Market and Other Poems by Christina Rossetti

Fugitive Prince by Janny Wurts

All of these were excellent, they just weren't quite in my top three.

Most Disappointing

Witches: James I and the English Witch-Hunts by Tracy Borman

The Fitz and the Fool Trilogy by Robin Hobb (I DNFed this series after Fool's Quest and I'm heartbroken, but I have major issues with this trilogy in a way I couldn't keep reading as it was destroying my love for Fitz.)

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson (this is standing in for all of the secret project books)

Goals (Sort Of...)

To continue the surprises... I've only listened to 4 audiobooks, so most of those books were read physically or through an ebook. This is huge for me as I used to consume about a third of my books through audio, it's a massive improvement because I don't retain them very well. Listening to fewer audiobooks was a big part of my informal (in other words unwritten) reading goals and I'm very happy to have got it down this far. I do think it'll go up again next year because I've got a lengthy commute to work now, but I've also broken the habit of sitting at home listening when I could easily read the book myself and get more out of it.

I did as well with not worrying about numbers or data surrounding the books I'm reading. I deliberately retired my spreadsheet this year and only kept up with my reading journal. After a week or so I didn't miss it in the slightest. I'm not a hard data/stats kind of person, but I am easily persuaded to keep these sorts of records. I started keeping a spreadsheet in 2019 where I track genre, pages, author gender, and format in addition to the book information, by 2022 I was tracking book info, series, genre, format, author info (just too much to list), pages, month read, where I bought the book, if it was a tbr, new or library read, reread or new to me, and rating. It was too much! It was hard work, I was MISERABLE, and I didn't care. It was performing to the standards of what you see in the reading community online... So, I ditched the spreadsheet and I've been much happier. I've read better books because I haven't had my stats in mind, and I've read more. I had more time to actually read because I haven't been spending an inordinate amount of time researching books and entering data into a spreadsheet! I'm definitely making this a permanent change.

I've also used my ereader a lot more this year, I have no numbers to back this up but I've naturally been reaching for it regularly and it has done me good. I've not only read more frequently and for longer periods of time, but I've been more comfortable while reading (no more back, neck, or arm strain from 1000+ page fantasy tomes!) and I've tried books I was hesitant about buying physically because I could access a digital copy. I did have a massive problem with my ereader in November because my Kobo Libra 2 started to have battery changes that nothing resolved and then it died completely. Unfortunately I lost a lot of my reading data, including my notes, which has upset me. But I have saved my elibrary and bought a "new" device (it's a Boox Nova 3) so I can still read - I might discuss getting a Boox separately. However, I am much more cautious about note taking through a device and I'm sticking to recording everything in my physical journal.

This brings me nicely onto my reading journal. I wanted to overhaul my journal this year because my old journal format was growing stale and uninspiring to use. I was often leaving it for weeks at a time and often scrambling to write up 5 or 6 books in one go because I'd forgotten to do it as I was reading. So, I worked through several different styles of journal and found a new, more flexible, and engaging style that can fit my changing moods throughout the year. I'm definitely going to discuss this at a later date, so I won't say much here. But I am very happy to have a new journal system and I'm excited to get into it properly this year.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Lost Cause prologue, part III

I'm coming to Minneapolis! Oct 15: Presenting The Internet Con at Moon Palace Books. Oct 16: Keynoting the 26th ACM Conference On Computer-Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing.

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a solarpunk adventure about "the first generation in a century that doesn't fear the future." It comes out on Nov 14, and its early fans include Naomi Klein:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

Amazon won't sell my audiobooks, so I made my own, doing the narration this time around. I'm running a Kickstarter campaign to pre-sell the audiobook, ebook and hardcovers, including signed, personalized hardcovers – I hope you'll consider backing it:

http://lost-cause.org/

This week, I'm serializing the prologue to the book.

Here's part one:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/06/green-new-deal-fic/#the-first-generation-in-a-century-not-to-fear-the-future

And part two:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/07/met-cute-ugly/#part-ii

I woke at noon, the house hot because Gramps had left the blinds up in the front room, and ever since the big live oak had been cut up and taken away for blight, we’d lost its shade.

I used the bathroom, pulled on shorts and a tee, and went looking for breakfast, or brunch, or whatever.

“Gramps?”

He didn’t answer. That was weird. Gramps was a late riser and he rarely got up before ten, and then he took a long time to get going, listening to his podcasts and drinking coffee and sending memes around to his buddies with his giant tablet, with the type zoomed way, way up. He didn’t like going out in the heat, either, so in the summer he rarely left the house before four or five, once the sun was low to the hills. He’d left his coffee cup in the sink and his tablet on the table, so I knew he’d gone in a hurry. He hated dirty dishes and hated dead batteries even more.

I put his stuff away and thawed out some waffles and got a big iced coffee from the cold-­brew jug I kept in the fridge and started the process of becoming human.

I gobbled my first waffle before the emotional weight of the previous night settled on me. Those emotions were way too big, so big that they all layered on top of each other, leaving me with nothing but numbness.

I did the reflex thing and pulled out my screen, giving myself a brief sear of shame for my mindless screen-­handling, just as I’d been trained to do in mindfulness class. That was enough to prompt me to run through the checklist: Do I need to look at my screen? Do I need to look at it now? What do I hope to find? When will I be done? I answered the questions (Yes, yes, news about last night, when I’ve looked at two or three stories), and then unlocked it, but didn’t look at it until I’d poured myself another glass of coffee.

Two hours later, there was no coffee left and my eyes hurt from screenburn. I dropped my screen, came out of my trance, and stood up.

I’d gone viral. Or rather, Mike had.

My post had been picked up, first in Burbank, then statewide, then nationally, then internationally. Amateur comedians had edited the footage into highlight reels, moments chosen to demonstrate just how idiotic and hateful he was. Someone made a White Nationalist Bingo Card whose every square had a quote from Mike Kennedy. There were lots of jokes about inbreeding, hillbillies, musket-­fuckers and ammosexuals, master race masturbation, senility, removable boomers—­all the age-­and class-­ based slurs that we weren’t allowed to say in school, but that everyone busted out as soon as we were off the property. It was pretty gross, but on the other hand, I couldn’t exactly argue with them. Bottom line was, Mike Kennedy had been up on that roof for no good reason, and he’d been ready to kill me to let him finish his stupid, senseless project. So yeah, fuck that guy. I guess.

I was pleased to see that I came off as a hero, with strangers around the world praising me for my cool head, saying I’d saved his life.

I put my plate in the dishwasher and wiped up my crumbs and checked the clock on the kitchen wall—­I’d always loved its plain analog face with its thick and thin lines, the yellowing AC cord that came off it. It had belonged to Gramps’s own parents, and it was the only thing in the house I considered anything like an heirloom.

It was coming up on one and if I showered fast and ran, I could make my physics class. I decided to go for it, had the fastest shower in history, pulled on whatever was on the top of my dresser drawers, and sprinted for the street.

I was just jogging up to the entrance to Burroughs when I got a screen chime, which stopped me because, like all the students, I’d installed the school app that turned off audible alarms while I was on property during school hours. It wasn’t mandatory, but the punishment for having an alarm in class was confiscation, so . . .

I pulled out my screen as I panted by the doorway, mopping my face with my shirttail. It was a text from Burbank PD, informing me that Mike Kennedy was headed for a bail hearing in two hours, and I was entitled to present a victim impact statement, either recorded or in person. I’d known that the police could override the school app (there was a kid in my class whose parole office sometimes paged him, and the fact that he audibly dinged was just part of the package, I figured—­a way to remind us all that this kid had fucked up bad), but I hadn’t expected them to ping me, let alone on school property.

I tapped out a quick thanks-­no-­thanks, and headed to physics.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/09/working-the-refs/#lost-cause-prologue

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!

[rigelmejo]

7/9/2024 random notes:

I should look up sometime why Sherlock is 福尔摩斯 in chinese. Also, for the sherlock fans: the Granada Holmes show is on youtube with chinese subs if you search "fuermosi"

Listening to so much chinese this past month paid off!!! I listened to MoDu audio drama episode 1 yesterday and understood almost every single line! I was only missing some details when Tao Ran mentioned he won't bend (wan) and said "but if" and luo wenzhou told him to shut up, and when Luo Wenzhou talks to Wang Honglian and they use words like manage/supervise him but i am not sure which words meant which in regard to that "monitoring wang honglian" bit, and when Xiao Haiyang talked I just got his "strangled victim and moved" but for some reason i just couldnt understand him talking as easily as Wang Honglian, Luo Wenzhou, and Tao Ran. That's the most I've ever followed something thats only audio! I think I can officially listen to the modu audio drama just for like entertainment.

I've been relistening to modu chapters 1-5 audiobook a few more times, and more details get clearer to me (and i remember more words i used to know in reading) each time. Phrases are easier for me to comprehend immediately as i hear them, as i relisten. I'm now listening to new chapters (chapters 6 onward) and its fairly easy for me to follow the main idea - i know what scene im listening to and can tell what actions people do and their dialogue, its just more descriptive words (that arent the common serious/simple/clearly words) and phrases (like 4 hanzi non-verb descriptives) that I'm not understanding. I'm so excited. I'm looking up a word every few minutes (like saobao 骚包 show off) when I hear a word I don't know that I'm curious about. I'm really excited! I just!! I love this novel!! It's so cool hearing it kind of voice acted, you know what I mean? It's cool to hear scenes I imagined. I am wondering what the action scenes, or all the creepy scenes in case 2 arw going to sound like. One of my favorite scenes is when the killer little girl is being interrogated by Tao Ran and Fei Du and she thinks of people as prey, and Fei Du is paralleled to her and better at figuring out how to get answers. Its such an unsettling scene.

I'm through 1638 sentences in glossika japanese, its still listing that as high A1. I guess it hasnt taught many individual words compared to the 1638 sentences. I hope the unique words increase in number eventually. Maybe im getting good grammar practice who knows. I am mulling over the idea of playing ff7 Crisis Core (or the ps5 Remake ff7 Reunion) in japanese only, sometime soon. Since I've done it before (but it was a SLOG 2 years ago when i tried... i read so slow and felt like i was drowning lol). I feel like it should be more doable this time, since i can play Yakuza Ishin in japanese only now (although it felt like i was just guessing based on Vibes when i played ishin it was not as mentally draining). On the other hand, id like glossika japanese to fucking say "low b1" before I try playing a video game again. So i can also feel like i (hopefully) studied 2000+ or more basic words before i try playing games in japanese again.

Then again, who knows with me. I often end up deviating from my plans. Maybe i'll end up playing some game in all japanese today just to spite attempts to plan ToT

[atlas-panthera]

I have been re-reading The Locked Tomb series via listening to the audiobooks narrated by Moira Quirk.

I finished Gideon the Ninth and a little less than half of Harrow the Ninth when Spotify made me wait for audiobook hours to renew. Annoying but okay. Finished Harrow and now back on to Nona.

Until a good dozen or so chapters into Nona when I realize from the discussion.... I didn't finish reading Harrow the Ninth. We got to the point where it gets super....relatable... For a system (Trying not to spoil for anyone but if you know you know) and then

??????

???????????

Oh guess Harrow is done ! Now it's time for Nona! :D

It doesn't look like someone listened to it in my place as the chapters aren't conpleted. But I think someone got upset with the relatability of it and decided it was time to skip that portion and move on to the next book. Especially considering typing this is causing the pushback headaches and fuzzy feeling that discussing my DID tends to cause...

To whomever, one or more of you, is upset about acknowledging DID and the system, I really hope we can get better communication and work on this so you are less distressed about this.

[rosebury-archives]

CalmWriMo 2023 Wrap Up!

It is done! It has been done for like four days! IT IS DONE!

I have taken part in @winterandwords' CalmWriMo, here's my goals and how I did!

At the start of November, I sat on 81450 Words for my project To Put On An Act. My current word count is 111793 Words!!!!! WHAAAAT!!!!!! It's safe to say that I reached my writing goal! But what else did I do?

Get to Chapter 16 OR write 30k words - safe to say that I reached both of these goals! I'm currently working on Chapter 18, and I've written 30343 words. Yippie!

Plan later chapters post breakup - eh. I collected some ideas and have a rough plan but there's still some proper outlining missing. I do have a little bit of a better picture now though!

Post progess more frequently - This worked semi well? I would've loved to post more logs to be honest but. Oh well. I did post a couple logs though, and I want to try to make this a habit, maybe to at least yell on here once a week (if I do happen to write that week of course).

Make some Moodboards - I did that! I've not posted them here yet but I did make some little moodboards for a bunch of the characters :)

Make an intro post for this account - did that as well! Yippiee!

Plan for another mysterious project - heheheheheheeheheheh >;)

Now the other, just as important part of CalmWriMo, the Calm. I was not as calm as I should've been. Let's see. What's the goals.

Get more sleep - ahahah. uuh. ahhahehheah. hm. well. let's move on.

Be less anxious/worried about What The World Thinks Of Me - hm. Well. Well? I mean I guess. I think it's fine. I still think every single person in the world is better than me but it's okayyyy I'm alive what more do I want.

KILLING THE CRINGE - happy to report that the cringe dies again every day

Read More - OOOOHHHH LOOK SOMETHING I DID!!! Listened to my audiobook in the beginning of November, however, I did not finish it. Oh well! Instead I did some reading of fellow writers on Wattpad. Some of these really are the most written stories of all time, but there are some real gems hidden in there that I can learn from. Also great for networking [wink]

Less Stress about posting - no stress at all I Am So Calm. I actually caught up to my posting schedule! I took it slow and posted every two weeks to give myself some time, and now I can go back to my regular weekly schedule! I think it's fine. i think I'm fine. I can post when I want and do what I want.

ALL IN ALL! THIS WAS GREAT!!! THIS WAS GENUINELY SO GREAT!!!! I'm really proud of myself and what I did this past month, I got a lot done, I feel motivated, I feel excited! I can't believe I've already hit over 100k words, and at this point I have no idea when this will end, but I'm just really excited to see what the future will hold for TPOAA.

Having a goal for the month really did help me to get a gentle kick in the ass and to sit down and write. I was writing an average of 2k words a day and I hope to kind of keep that even if I don't have a goal set for the month.

If it wasn't for my incredibly draining job, I probably would've been able to hit an even higher word goal, but I genuinely think this was the best I could do and I'm so genuinely proud of myself. Maybe next year I'll aim even higher? Who knows!

Great job to everyone else who took part in CalmWriMo/NaNoWriMo, no matter if you hit your goal, you did great and I'm so proud of you and I kiss you btw. Also thank you winter tumblr dot com for coming up with this idea and making my first steps into the world of November writing challenges a little easier!

remember that Alex and Youngbin love u all <3

[violent--delights--violent--ends]

PERSUASION | Hero FT Fan-fic

Chapter 6

WC : 540

Jessica pov

For the next week, Hero and I text on and off, asking what your favorite color? What type of music are you into? And how's your day going? I still can't believe he's talking to me, of all people.

I have always said actors are people like me, and I still feel that way, but something about Hero is different. I was in such a dark place when I started listening to After; I remember how it made me feel and how much I identified with Hardin Scott.

When I heard Hero's voice from the audiobook, I couldn't describe it, but his voice made me feel a sense of calm, so I decided to go and look him up.

When I saw his interviews, it was almost like he felt familiar, like some connection was there. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I know many people enjoy him as Hardin, but I prefer Hero. I have admired other actors and actresses before, but this is different.

It's more than the fact that he's attractive Hero is just happiness, but can you feel that way about someone you don't honestly know?

I would have never guessed I'd meet him, let alone be texting him. Honestly, it feels nice having someone to talk to other than Kristen.

I tend to keep to myself. I wouldn't say I'm closed off, more like guarded. Especially when it comes to guys, but with Hero, he doesn't make me feel like there's any rush; he's okay with talking or texting.

Most guys see me as easy and think they can treat me however they want because they think I'm desperate for affection. Then when I stand up for myself

"It's like, how dare you; you should be thankful I even pay attention to you."

I don't know how Hero feels, and I wouldn't even ask, but even if it's just friends, I'd be happy with that.

****

"Are you sure I look okay? I mean, what if it's too laid back?" I look in the mirror pulling at my red shirt.

"Jess, stop"

"And the jeans, maybe I should have just gone with regular instead of ripped?"

Kristen rolls her eyes "seriously, you're overthinking, you forget he's already seen you having a bad day, and he's still around."

"I guess you're right" I take a deep breath "what time is it?"

"1:45, so you still got fifteen minutes to continue to question your outfit," she nudges me.

"Fine, I'm done," I say, heading to the living room

"Where am I dropping you off anyway?"

"I don't know," I shrug, "Hero said he would tell you when he got here; honestly, I hope it's accessible. I know he's not used to having to think about these things" I nervously pick at my fingers.

"Is this going to be too much for him? I know we're just friends, but I don't want to be an inconvenience, and I don't want to mess with his career."

"Jess? Did you hear me?"

"No, sorry, what?"

"I'm sure he's thought of that, and if not, we will figure it out," she smiles "try not to worry about it; just have fun today, okay."

"Okay," I smile back.

[notquitecharlie]

7/22/23

Dear Friend, 

I know that I’ve written a few times and I feel like every time I write it’s like an introduction explaining these letters and how I’m going to write them and who I am. So if you actually read these, I’m sorry. This is probably gonna be close to another one. 

I feel like I write too sad. If that makes sense. If we met and talked this is not how I am. I could tell you everything about myself and I think if we met in person you would never connect me and this blog. That’s why I write this I guess, it’s to be the other side of me. But it’s not even really another side it’s like… I was thinking about this last night…it’s like every person is an ocean. A really nice one for most people. From a distance you see the joy and beauty of being an ocean. Even if you dip your feet in you still feel like you know this place, this person it’s happy. But the ocean knows otherwise, it knows of the waves and the sharks and it tries to hide them to keep everyone around them happy and safe. It doesn’t mean the oceans a bad place or crazy or anything, I think it just means that there’s more to it than it shares all the time. Mostly to protect people and themselves, whether the other people deserve it or not. Does that make any sense? I hope it does friend. I honestly think I’m happy pretty often, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my dark moments here and there when it feels like the world is going to crash and it’s all my fault and everything every person has ever said to me is stabbing my brain with its words pointy edges, but the storms pass, telling you about them just helps. So, thank you.

This week has been a pretty good week. I did a magic show for a playgroup on Thursday which was fun. I went to the library to take my college ASL summer final and did good enough to pass the class with a A. I’ve been driving more and doing pretty good, I have a pair of Crowley style sunglasses I wear when I drive and funny enough that helps. This week I read “Graveyard of Lunatics” by Ray Bradbury (I think that’s the title), “The man who was Thursday” by G.K. Chesterson, am almost done with “Once upon a tome” by Oliver Darkshire am rereading Good Omens and reread most of Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman. I’ve also been listening to the Coraline audiobook (I got it on cd for my 16th birthday because I adore it and love cds) for the millionth time while I rearrange all the bookshelves in the house. I’m also set to start at a “real” high school this upcoming year but can’t think about that without spiraling so I won’t talk about that right now. This week I also had a volunteering event, I volunteer with this group that plans events for kids and teens (especially those highly impacted) with special needs and pairs them up with a friend (while there are some exceptions the “friends” aren’t neurodivergerent for the most part) and this week was my favorite events, the public pool one and it was a lot of fun, I’d never met either of the people I got paired up with and they were just really fun to be around. I normally just call the volunteer group buddies, I’ve been doing it for a few years and it’s probably my favorite thing I do. I’m sorry this ended up being so all over the place (I went through and cut out about 4 paragraphs explaining why the books I’ve read/am reading are wonderful because I talk about books too much). I started this at 11:45 on July 21 now it’s a half hour into July 22nd so I’m gonna read for an hour or so and go to bed, unless the book gets ridiculously good then I’ll just finish it first. Sorry I brought up books again, that might be the biggest difference between melancholy posts and more happy ones, I talk about books 😂

Sweet dreams,

Love always,

Athena

[neechees]

Im the reading anon and i would like to apoligize, i didnt meant to use your inbox as confesional i was trying to ask for help but english is my second language and something went wrong with my ask (i think) but i promise i only asked for advice, it was not meant to upset you or make you uncomfortable. Im so sorry it wont happen again

I forgive you, then. & it's not that it made me uncomfortable necessarily, I just don't know how to reply to asks that aren't questions & aren't relevant to anything posted recently on my blog, so I don't know what people want me to say. And I tend to get quite a few of those every so often, some from people who want to try start shit on my blog without dealing with any notes or backlash since it's anonymous (like, some people will leave hot takes in my inbox waiting for me to react somehow. Or bait that might inspire discourse).

But, since you've now clarified you're asking for advice, I'll respond that way.

It honestly CAN get hard to get back into reading, I go through those moments every so often & feel uninspired to read. I guess you just gotta try different things & see what works for you, or maybe a certain book will reinvigorate you. Recently "Sharp Objects" by Gillian Flynn got me out of a reading stunt because I liked the pacing, & the style of prose the author gave, even though I'm not usually into murder mysteries. Sometimes re-reading old books I liked & haven't read in a while gets me inspired again. Some people also try audiobooks & listen to them while they're working or doing chores. You could also try reading a book together with other people or joining a book club!

If you don't mind getting spoilers, I'd suggest listening to a podcast episode or a video essay or even watching a movie adaptation (or maybe a few or all of these!) of a book you've thought about reading first: that way you can get a feel for what the book contains & sometimes this can inspire you to read it for yourself. Some people say that listening to other people's interpretations or opinions of a book before you read it first can too heavily influence & ruin your later opinion of the book when you read it yourself, but I don't necessarily think this is always true. I've done this many times & still come away with my own interpretations & opinions completely seperate from that of others', & disagreed with them on certain things.

I know it can be scary, but honestly I think there's hope & not as impossible as it seems. There are so many books to discover, and I don't think people can truly ever grow out of reading if it's something they really enjoy. But good luck!

[nancypullen]

Typical Tuesday

Life moves at a snail’s pace here but so do I.  I used to be such a bouncy, bright gal until my ankles and feet decided to turn on me.  Now everything hurts and cracks, and scoffs at me when I say, “Hey we should dance!” Boy, I miss dancing.  I still shimmy around the kitchen when I cook, but sustained dancing for an hour or so seems like a big ask. Poor, poor me.

I’m only thinking about that because I just tried making an appointment with an orthopedic doctor for a weird thing that’s causing pain in my left ankle, formerly known as my “good ankle”.  I was on hold for about ten minutes, went through the new patient song and dance with a very friendly young woman, gave all of my pertinent info, and then she said, “Okay, just as soon as your former doctor sends your medical records someone will call you to schedule an appointment.”  Well, crap.  I replied, “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you will not request those records.”  She confirmed that, said I’d have to get them to fax the records, and hopefully everyone would do their part and I can see a doctor before my foot falls off.  Immediately after ending that call I placed a call to my doctor in Tennessee and said I needed my records to be faxed up here.  That not-so-nice lady said that would require an official form from the doctor’s office in Maryland, and blah blah blah.  I explained that they told me I had to make the request and maybe I get the form from them, or perhaps it could be emailed to me, or could I possibly find it on their (TN) website. I was battering her with all of the ways I might be able to get my hands on the form and get this done today, when she finally sighed and said, “Look just email me giving your permission to release the records and put your name and date of birth in the email.”   Now, was that so hard? I thanked her profusely and sent the email fifteen seconds after we hung up.  Who thinks that this will all go smoothly and I’ll get a call this week?  I’d say those odds are slim. I hope I’m wrong, but I’ll bet I have to request the records at least once more and won’t see a doctor before September. Ugh. But that’s not why I’m here.  I’m here because I don’t post enough and I’m trying to make myself show up.  It would help if I had something to actually write about but you’ll just have to bear with me. If I show up every day maybe my muse will show up too. Cross your fingers, light a candle, rub some beads.

Today started the way our days it always start. The mister gets up early and goes out for a long walk.  He likes to show off his healthy feet. He listens to audiobooks and watches the town wake up.  While he’s doing that I play word games on my phone (Wordle, Spelling Bee, Letter Boxed, Connections, etc). Then I have long conversations with the cats, eventually get up and make the bed, and ease into my day.  We’re very different people. For example, he’s been watching Wimbledon and he caught me tuned into the Hallmark channel’s Christmas in July.

Don’t judge me. The world is on fire, I needed a dose of predictable sweetness with a happy ending. Speaking of sweetness, on Sunday we drove over to spend an afternoon with the Edgewater gang.  Everyone is getting ready to scatter on different trips, so we wanted to hug them before that happened.  Little Miss was as entertaining and fun as always.  We were treated to a mermaid water show in her pool, I played Barbies with her for a little while, and then she belly laughed while driving her cats bonkers with a laser pointer.  It was a full afternoon.  A big storm blew in and dumped tons of rain that same afternoon.  We made our exit when there was a break in the radar and raced the rain home.  As we started across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge I saw these big freighters lined up to head into port, and those ominous clouds hovering above them.  Yikes.

That was snapped from a moving car so the quality isn’t great, but...anyone else notice there’s a chunk of the bridge missing?  I didn’t notice it when I took the picture, I was too busy looking at those ships.  Doesn’t look big enough to alter the integrity of the structure, but what the heck happened there?  Someone had a bad day.

On a happier note, I’ve got one sunflower fully opened and several nearly there. Aren’t they cheerful? I just love ‘em.

Other things that give me pleasure are clean windows (how’s that for a segue?). My sister turned me on to this fabulous spray cleaner. 

It’s amazing. Even better, it smells wonderful and it’s just $2.50!  I picked up my can at Walmart, I’m sure it’s sold elsewhere.  Anyway, it’s cheap, it leaves windows sparkling and streak-free, and the fragrance smells just like the lobby of the fancy-schmancy Grosvenor House Hotel in London.  No lie.  When we stayed there like the Clampetts a few years back it was one of the best parts of the stay - walking into that lobby and being enveloped in the fragrance.  I didn’t know if it was all of the fresh flowers, some special spray they used, or if that’s what loads of money smells like.  Whatever it was, you can have it in your home for $2.50.  I’m a fan. I’m not a fan of my hair. I mean, that’s not exactly news. It’s been an on-going battle since kindergarten.  I’ve let it grow again, it’s long again, and I look stuck in the 70′s. My hair behaves a little better when it’s long, the weight is like a Thunder Shirt. But I don’t think the length is a friend to my face, I know the style isn’t. To be fair, I go through this every year during July and August.  The height of summer heat and humidity always makes me want to shave my head. I was zipping along just fine in June, it wasn’t even hot.  Right around the 4th of July the sticky heat arrived and my hair lost its dang mind.  I’m walking around looking like this.

So I’m spending lots of time on Pinterest looking at short haircuts.  I’m going to do it it’s just a matter of choosing a style (which won’t work), a place (good luck with that), and screwing up my courage.  We all know this will be a disaster.  It always is.  I don’t think I’ve even once walked into a salon and walked out feeling better.  It’s a generational curse.  But it’s been quite a while since I tempted fate, and I’m feeing so ugly lately anyway, might as well. Best case scenario, I end up with a cute, fresh style that I like. 

 Worst case scenario, I look like Mrs. Claus. 

It’s a safe bet that I have more Mrs. Claus tendencies than I do Helen Mirren tendencies. Darn.  If nothing else maybe it’s just time for a change.  Will I miss the ease of a ponytail or a big hair clip? Yep.  Will I miss this same, old, tired hairstyle? Nope.  Well, maybe.  There’s always comfort in what we know vs the unknown.    Finding a place is daunting.  I called the Ulta salon in Easton thinking that if the haircut sucked then at least I’d be inside Ulta and I could treat myself to a new lipstick or something.  They only have two stylists and a haircut and blowdry is $70.  I will start up the weedeater and let it cut my hair before I pay $70.  I don’t want to go to the salon that I visited in Denton, the owner cut my hair and she was delightful, but the haircut was not.  There are plenty of others in the area, mostly pricey, so I may just have to throw a dart and pick a place.  Or I could spend the rest of my life in a ponytail. Back to Pinterest...

Raise your hand if you’re tired of hearing me talk about my hair.

Told you I didn’t have anything to write about, pretty sure the glass cleaner was the high point of this post.  I think I’ll head upstairs and soak in a bubble bath and lose myself in a book - a book where the main character has perfect hair. I hope that your week has been a delight so far.  I hope that you have had at least one good laugh and at least two moments of pure pleasure.  If not, hey, it’s only Tuesday!  There’s plenty of time. Sending out loads of love tonight. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[mermaidsirennikita]

I have so many books on my tbr and so many books checked out on Libby but now all I want to do is reread Duke of Midnight and revel in Maximus and Artemis (their names are just perfect) and their craziness I hope you're happy with yourself...

I mean?? I'm doing a selective Maiden Lane reread on audiobook (I didn't listen to any of them on audio the first go and it's a good way to cover time and get 'er done) and I can't wait for Duke of Midnight. And because of my shock and horror at the Duke of Midnight prejudice Target seems to have... I did reread the sex scenes in that book today. And honestly? Some of the most lit Elizabeth Hoyt has written?

In part because, like, obviously... Maximus... lets loose... during sex in a way that he can't during his everyday life, which of course aligns well with the book's primary conflict, which is that he has done a lot to preserve and maintain his status and appearance... But he actually doesn't *like* any of it, and he's only really himself with Artemis OR when he's doing his crazy Georgian Batman shit. He's dead inside whenever he's being the Duke of Wakefield, but he's so committed to it. And while it's easy to pitch this as a cold, stern duke book, when you reread especially it's so clear that he is IN LOVE with Artemis really early on. Like, boyishly besotted with her. Like, he thinks that everything she does is the most adorable bullshit ever, and she's A Goddess, and he's here to worship her, and it's FAB. The scene where they have sex for the first time is one I remember initially reading and being like, oh okay, he's getting her off but once it's time to put it in he's being a little rough with her, and like... It is a little rough, and I initially read that as pure kinky vibes~ but when I reread it? He's actually pretty careful with her despite being all worked up, but when he starts to put it in he looks at her to check in and she looks back and RAISES HER EYEBROW IN CHALLENGE LMAO. And that's when he grins at her and starts going the fuck in harder. It's their weird little game! Their weird crazy one-upmanship thing!

And honestly, why wouldn't he be in love with her? Artemis is a great heroine. Quiet and very dignified, but also like... driven to reunite with Apollo, and so ready to just let herself enjoy something. The fact that she just waltzes up to Maximus in the middle of the night basically like "oh no, well I guess you might as well fuck me while we're here" is just... the kind of thing I love in a heroine. And while she's very impressed with him and wants to have him and so on, I feel like... There's this thing you see with virgin heroines especially where they're like, "oh, I'm actually not good enough for him, how did I get this man to worship me". While Artemis just ACCEPTS HIS WORSHIP. Like the scene where he like, sits down in front of her chair and just... goes to town lmao. She's very excited by this development, but there's really no maidenly "omg what's he doing" or "Dear Penthouse, I can't believe this happened to me" shit. I think from her POV she actually is like "he's not gonna scare me into stopping this" or something. She's just basking in his adoration because Artemis! Deserves! Anyway, definitely one of the best pussy-eating scenes I've ever read, he's described as "a priest worshipping at an altar" and I dig that shit.

And then they move to the floor so that she can ride him and he's freaking out and she's all "would u like some help w your pants uwu". It's LIT.

Anyway, it's a great book, and honestly criminally underrated as most Elizabeth Hoyt masterpieces are, and I'm gonna reread it in full soon.

[tomomiisasleep]

1st note on This is How You Lose the Time War

I've been listening to the audiobook until it became too good (Chapter 10, notes will start there I guess) not to actually read and take notes on. I think all the references to Chinese history played a big part in that. Not that I'm interested in history at all. It's mostly the gay.

biggest mystery up to now is the identity of the Seeker.

Wordless, the seeker regards the aftermath. She does not weep, that anyone can see.

Maybe it's one of the two of them. And she does nothing to like, change the course of their action as far as I know. And she is sad. And she's only interested in the letters so far.

This is so gay I'm gonna faint

Sometimes I am inclined. Sometimes I sit here stationary, and know you so swift and sure, and think, I must prove myself her equal again—and the sharp, electric ache to stop you just to see you admire me is a kind of needle too.

What thr fuck this is so gay, is this whole book just gonna be disaster lesbian love letters? please let it be like that

I like you to know, with my words in your mouth, the places and ways in which I think of you. It feels good to be reciprocal; eat this part of me while I drive reeds into the depth of you, spill out something sweet.

I wish sometimes I could be less fierce with you. No—I feel sometimes like I ought to want to be less fierce with you. That this—whatever this is—would be better served by tenderness, by gentle kindness. Instead I write of spilling out your sap-guts with reeds. I hope you can forgive this. To be soft, for me, is so often pretense, and pretense does not come easily while writing to you.

THIS IS PORN

Seeker, muddy, battered, torn, finds her sleeping, touches her tears with an ungloved hand, and tastes them before she goes.

?? So the seeker is ..?

I bet the separation from Garden when Blue was young was Red's doing. Only she could do so because Blue told her the exact coordinates.

I have to say I made 0 sense of what Blue was doing in Chapter 16

Your praise cuts me, because though I speak so easily of certain things, though I rush through ground that to you seems mined, it’s only earth to me. But your last letter . . . I am so good at missing things. At making myself not see. I stand at a cliff’s edge, and—hell.

I love you, Blue.

OK, to be fair, this is so fucking sweet, but it feels like a cougar has been sexting a college student for ages and buying her toys to wear around school and one day the student suddenly texts her "I love you, Have I always? Haven’t I?"

(sorry it seems like I've been on tumblr too much)

I want to be a body for you.

I want to chase you, find you, I want to be eluded and teased and adored; I want to be defeated and victorious—I want you to cut me, sharpen me. I want to drink tea beside you in ten years or a thousand. Flowers grow far away on a planet they’ll call Cephalus, and these flowers bloom once a century, when the living star and its black-hole binary enter conjunction. I want to fix you a bouquet of them, gathered across eight hundred thousand years, so you can draw our whole engagement in a single breath, all the ages we’ve shaped together.

now they're back to sexting it seems

ok wow the rest of this letter is making me blush, Red you are smitten

traps upthread and down, all executed by a single operative, triggering a cascade. I’d call it brilliant if it hadn’t put us so far on the back foot.

Blue you genius

"This operative has been grooming you.

Sorry but I laughed out loud at this

I dance to you in a body built for sweetness, a body that tears itself apart in defense of what it loves. This letter will sting you when it’s done. Let it, and read a postscript in its death throes.

Oh my god I'm reading bee smut

ok this is translating directly into thirsty older woman in my mind

and... the seeker is Blue right?? right??? and Red's gonna die for her????? come on it's the 20s lesbians shouldn't have tragic endings anymore!!!

Now with the poison plan I'm suspecting that Blue's gonna read it and die.

[goodbyemyfirstlove]

Yesterday, it started out ok. I still was feeling pretty guilty about taking up too much time. Feeling like I ask for too much time. We talked a bit, I cried. She held me while playing Animal Crossing, telling me sweet nothings like she wants to spend time with me, she wants to prioritize me. I know she loves me, I love her.

We went out together; while I drove, she was checking her phone. She could pick up some of the things I said. I gave up trying to talk after a while. When I parked, I still doubted if she even wanted to come out with me. Maybe she wanted to work more or talk to her friends more. She said she wanted to go and walk around with me so we did, grabbed some coffee, went thrifting. She bought me something even though she struggles to pay her bills. She got a dress and shorts. She was so excited with the dress, she looked cute in it, twirling around. I headed out to spend time with my family. She had work to do. She hasn't been coming along with me to family things anymore, maybe because it's too hard, maybe because it takes too much time, maybe both or so many other possibilities.

We had talked about watching a movie when I got back, spending more time together even though we already did earlier. She was still working when I got back, things weren't going as smoothly as she hoped. I waited, thinking about our possible date on Friday. When she came down, she was frustrated but seemed done.

She ate dinner and I picked a movie. We started watching, it was a pretty bad movie so she started checking her phone. It was about work and she kept becoming frustrated. I hadn't said before that I'd like her to be done and just watch the terrible movie with me. I hadn't clarified my expectations nor had we agreed what our expectations would be for spending time together. After the second or third time of prodding her (I didn't use my words, my bad), I asked if she still wanted to watch the movie. She said yes and dropped her phone on the table with an exasperated sigh. She said there wasn't much happening in the movie so she wasn't really missing anything. But that's not the point. She started to cuddle me more. It felt disingenuous. She tried to tease me by nibbling my ear and trying to touch me in between my legs, I refused those advances but was still touching her with my leg across hers.

Once the movie ended, we went immediately to our phones. She talked to me about some hate comments from her post and a fan tipping her without coming to an agreement for their custom request. She got on top of me almost like she was looking for me to touch her intimately. I felt gross thinking about being physically intimate right after discussing her Onlyfans. She went back to work to do a live on TikTok.

I began searching for my hot glue gun and listening to my audiobook. I was listening too loud and without earbuds. I ruined her live. I should've known better, I'll just wear my earbud from now on. I asked her to not do lives when I go to sleep. She agreed to go to the basement instead. The sound still travels but I guess that's the compromise.

She feels like she's not doing enough, that she's always doing the wrong thing, that she's just trying to survive. Am I too needy? Am I just asking for too much? Maybe I'm the problem, maybe we just don't work together. Maybe this day was just not our day.