#I will have to remind her that I will probably idk. get gay married in the future or whatever

[birdmenmanga]

there IS a temptation to send my mother images of men having sex that I’ve drawn because I think it would honestly answer a lot of questions she has about me. but I say this while simultaneously feeling embarrassed about telling her my plans to make two guys roommates in a story. genuinely have no idea why the latter is embarrassing and why the former isn’t...

[tamelee]

Hiiii 🥰 If yin HAD to choose some couples for the Next Gen which one would you choose? Personally I think Shikatema was a okay, but I don’t have any ideas for the others

Hi!~💕 Oh uhm-

No one really, I'd be happy to eradicate it all.

Obviously Naruto and Sasuke should've figured their shit out. Both internally and externally and then say; take it or leave it' to the entire village and system. You either going to get two gay-men leading the village and a new system because their bond was the entire answer against war or nothing at all and then just... die ig while Naruto sleeps his years away and Sasuke is stuck in a damn tree 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Otherwise.... (aka, 'Boruto' meetings be like;) Shitpost (don't take me seriously);

Naruto and Gaara although it probably won't last long. Naruto'd probably settle for some black-haired girl and make her cut her hair so it reminds him of Sasuke if he squints really hard and doesn't think about it and covers his ears, oh wait-

Charasuke and Dark Naruto, fem version. Menma and Zetsu. Since non of it is Canon anyway, Sasuke and his pet lizard from the filler story. They seemed to have an 'okay' connection, yeah? Well, ShikaTema is fine, it's understandable and predicted. I don't even know who Kiba, Shino, Lee or Choji are with lmao. I can look it up, but... I really don't even remember :') I think one of them is with the Kumo girl, right? Sai and Kumo girl would've been better though. They can argue about loyalty and stuff. Wouldn't she kinda think it was hot how he stopped her fist from plunging into Naruto's 'refusing to talk about Sasuke's face?' That's the extend of their development, but it's 'Boruto', the bar is low here. Or.. if we ignore the homophobia for a second, Sai and Gaara. I mean whatever. Size matters obviously to Sai and Gaara had huge bde before his questionable haircut (no I don't think him becoming Kazekage made him weak) and I also don't think Gaara's lack of expressive emotion currently would be too overwhelming for someone that doesn't understand them much. Not a lot of energy in that relationship though but Gaara is very beautiful to draw let's be honest but the lack of eyebrow does make it challenging. Or Sai and Deidara. A bit difficult because one isn't there, but still, just throwing it out there. Or even Kankuro would be good. Gosh, Sai has so many options... and then he ended up with someone he thought was ugly ;-; (Ino is very beautiful though so he's wrong, but still.) Idk, I think Kiba should've married a cat-girl or the blonde one from Kumo. Lee should be with someone that appreciates effort especially now that his effort is proven absolutely worthless -.- and is seen as a loser again which destroyed the poor guy. Well, I wouldn't have minded Tenten, but... GaaLee 👌👀? Aren't they both single fathers? Or? Idk. Maybe Sai Gaara and Lee together, why not. Throw the Shi guy from Kumo in there also, he kinda looks like blonde Sai. Even Naruto thought he was handsome as he used him for inspiration for his sexy reversed harem Jutsu.  Actually, Tenten and Kotetsu would've been a good surprise. It makes no sense Canon-wise and I don't think it even works age-wise, but I approve otherwise and they're both weaponized. I rhyme and reason. Ino and Suigetsu. Okay, hear me out. He can water all her plants. That's all, that's it. Sakura and Kankuro? I mean, by 'Boruto's low standards, they could've made it work and they'd even have history. And fine, even Sasori could've been interesting a little. Or that girl from the Sound from the beginning. Or the guy. Or Kimimaro. Or Kabuto. We're not too difficult here, pick one, but I guess some are dead though. Everyone but Sasuke ffs. Obviously Neji should've lived. Well I'm okay with Tenten or even Lee, but it doesn't make too much sense to me. Actually, let's ship him with Haku for no other reason than them looking good together. Or Neji and Juugo, maybe Juugo'd be able to set the bird free iykwim. I'd say Hinata and her beloved 'Oro-chan'. (Yes she called him that in some novel.) Both creepy as hell. Except one of them is somewhat likable and it ain't Hinata. But age-wise that doesn't work. Or, maybe someone can make her a Mecha Naruto, that's a bit more appropriate. Not much, but still. I'm sure she has the money and I don't think she really minds because she knows Naruto as much as she'd know a robot version of him. I see no difference there. OR, Kankuro's puppet. That way she can always walk next to the one she 'loves' as it follows her anyway with some basic puppet training and have the sentimental wood around for comfort when she reminisces about the time she thought Naruto wasn't gay. No need to be shy either as it doesn't say much. Then Naruto can visit tree-Sasuke in peace without a creepy face glancing up at him from behind it only to be ignored anyway. 

Or maybe a lousy Daimyo because we can't have any less than a Hero or royalty for the princess, of course. CHOJI ACTUALLY should've married the daughter from the ramen stand. Idk her age though.. Or the owner of the BBQ restaurant? If he didn't already. Or, it would've been good if there was a younger version of Tsunade, I think they'd get along. Akamaru and one of Kakashi's dogs- sorry, Ninken. I think Pakkun is too old maybe. Idk what he's into. Maybe Punpun? Am I missing anyone? Oh lmao, Shino ;-; He would've been good with Fu, Jinchuriki of the 7-tails, the flying bug thing. Guess that's not possible either, but we can't have them single and focussing on the world either so... we gotta create imaginary filler babies somehow. Karin with that other guy who emphasized with her during her confession-thing. I mean, what other reason do you need. That's true love right there.  Kakashi and Shizune? Kakashi and Iruka? Kakashi and Gai? Kakashi and Genma? Kakashi and Obit- oh no. Kakashi and secret-ANBU waifu? Kakashi and actress of the movie adaptation of his ero-novel? Kakashi living his best aro life?

I mean, we could always create a card game if you will and match whatever comes up first. There'd be no difference really.

[topcatofficial]

my ideal modern day top cat reboot (not just tc and/or the gang serving as side characters in an ensemble cast in a hanna-barbera crossover cartoon) would be like,

tc and benny are the same as they always are (selfish hedonistic get-rich-quick schemer and his naive childhood bff enabler)

dibble is a private investigator (like he's always wanted to be) who is tc's other childhood friend (boyfriend) whose investigations somehow always end up intersecting with tc's schemes even when he's not actively investigating tc. i cant decide if i want him to stay human or not tho (dog dibble au my beloved miss u baby)

trans lesbian choo choo my beloved. weird and emotional, and constantly talks about her girlfriend lola glamour (theyre so t4t)

non-committal flirty serial monogamist gold digger fancy fancy, based on a mix of his cartoon personality and comic personality. like if fujiko mine were a catboy, who will sometimes betray the gang but they barely really hold it against him. tc doesnt, anyway

oblivious math wiz brain who is probably nonbinary but he's got finances to go over so he doesnt really care about that right now.

former-hellcat butch biker lesbian spook *giggles* i cant decide whether i want spook to be a she/her lesbian or a he/him lesbian, but very top cat begins/comic based characterization

roxy from the scrapped reboot finally gets to join the gang :) she can have jellystone brain's personality since he's not using it. she also has something extremely gay going on with spook

then side characters would be like,

myra and sheldon live in the city and periodically get involved in tc shenanigans! myra is very much so a neurotic worrywart who is constantly freaking out over the ways her twin brother's schemes can backfire. sheldon didnt really have a solid characterization in his book so maybe he can have jellystone fancy's personality?

kitty glitter from top cat and the beverly hills cats can be recurring because i like her <3 to me shes so lupin-iii-sadgirl coded

lola glamour gets to appear now and then and gets to be so annoyingly sappy pda with choo choo. has a lot of mentions and cameos though cuz shes still a star and shes dating choo choo who adores her childhood best friend turned lover <3 <3 <3

dibbles ex-wife periodically shows up and tc hates her soooooo much which is ironic because theyre kind of parallels. foils. the same but different. i would emphasize them being so similar and in fact that she reminded him of tc is why he married her and she does not like that one bit. self indulgent but i really dont care <3

i think they should have two kids (fred and daniel, based on comic dibble's names) just because i think it'd be funny as fuck. am i making him even more like zenigata? sure but my justification is dibble is a little league coach and camp counselor which is stereotypically things dads do to connect with their kids :P

jazz and beau can be recurring antagonists with their own gang that being dark parallels to tc's gang. teehee.

trixie from the first movie can be a recurring character too but only if shes an irredeemable antagonist in jazz's gang. the rest of jazz's gang consists of pantera from top cat begins, rocky from the comics, and skratch gets to exist separate from spook.

i guess griswald could be recurring since he had two eps and in the comics there was a recurring antagonist who was a bulldog but i dont care enough about griswald to expand on that idea

- oh wait he can be the actual cop since dibble is a PI now. duh. he literally became a police dog in one ep so it works.

cop cat from the comics can be griswald's partner although i think he needs a better name than "cop cat" ... maybe fuse him with officer prowler so he gets a cooler name. idk

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I watched the The Rookie Season 6 premiere!!

I started it last night and finished it this morning and just OAUGH it was so good :D

I expected them to not figure it out for a while but I low-key love the way they did it. Because it shows that they (the characters) aren't dumb and gives some action but still keeps a huge mystery to it. Theory wise, I keep thinking of the Dream (nightmare) Team (Elijah and Oscar) but it's been like a half season so I don't think it's time to bring them back yet. Idk tho, we'll see what happens!

Also Lucy is going through it xD like genuinely she is and :(( but everyone (even Wesley xD) knowing about the clown thing was just HILARIOUS lol

Also after Tim said "maybe she just had a fight with her girlfriend" I was like "oh cool we're casually using a gay example- he's talking about him" soo as I said at the time, diversity win! The random person you're projecting your problems onto is a lesbian through you <3.

Anyway xD lowkey, I get both their sides, but I'm lowkey on Tim's lol. I do get being stressed out and just wanting support though, totally, I just think Lucy's going to realize she needs to talk it out with him

Also I'm glad for their development! I'm also kind of glad Tim's not the "instigator" (there's not really one but yk) of the fight since he's been the "mean one" a lot lol. Anyway I hope my babeys work it out (soon - I figure they will eventually) :((

Also this makes it seem like I love chenford and barely about wopez and I do love them but HUGAOAPGHY BABEYS I GOT THEM BACK <3333

Not much but I did :'D

Talking about wopez by the way lol

Also HALLELUJAH AARON SURVIVED!! HE'S OKAY :'DDD!! P H E W :'D 🥳🥳🥳🎉🎊😌🥰.

Thank goodness lol

Also :(( that he wants to help catch the guys that almost killed him but can't - probably for the best though :/. Just don't let it get pent up in any way xd. Also please don't date your therapist or have any kinda funky relationship with her lol.

Also aaahhhhHHH Bailey and Nolan (John just wasn't right) are getting married :D. I'm glad everything ended up working out (for now lol, that promo is scaring me xD I figure it'll be fine but just once I want an uninterrupted wedding, in anything, but especially The Rookie lol) <333. They're adorable 🥰. Also am I crazy or was that Mr. Kevin Kozner as the neighbor guy? At first I thought it was then wasn't then wasn't sure so I figure not but I don't know xD

Also poor Harper :(( I know she'll get through it but it just sucks. And it sucks that she can't talk to James about it (like not legally but emotionally lol), though I do like that they have differing opinions on stuff. It's nice to have couples that don't have all the same views, you know?

Anyway!! I didn't mention them but Celina and Gray are slaying as always <3. And for Celina (and everyone)'s sake I hope we catch this guys soon (but not too soon ;) - I love me some drama)

Also reminder that I love Wesley with my whole soul, thank you <3.

So excited for this season!! Especially the 100th episode, it's so great that they get one :D. I think both of those are gonna be really good and I'm just so looking forward to it :D!! This was an amazing episode, lots of good stuff all around, and I'm so excited for the next one :D. The promo looks wild (also AAAHHHHHH THE WEDDING!!! :DD) but so good and I'm looking forward to it :D 🥰.

This is gonna be a great season :))!!

See y'all later!! ❤️🥰

[maliciousmalfeasance]

If I typed a live review of my spotify discover would you read it? Too late- (Indie-rock/pop, punk, ???, mid-west emo, math-rock,etc Be warned I am a hater about some petty shit lmao)

Carousel- CJ the X 

This song is beautifully produced, the melody of “everything will be alright” sounding just slightly off kilter and perfectly fits the teetering vibes of the song. I love the carnival vibe- lyrics flow so effortlessly. The RUNS BRO. Really perfect window into a probably fucked up breakdown. Hope things got better CJ <3 “I don’t blame anybody but me/ You’re too kind, I am a disease!” oof.

A big brown dog named bagel- Nep

“I kind of wanted to bite-” I love the incorporation of bossa grooves into this indie rock, gay as hell love song. “I feel like we’re gonna marry way too quickly” This feeling. Really cute. Vocals are so sweet- you just kind of want to scoop the vocalist up and hug her. 

PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN - QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

The best of the worst or the worst of the best? The beat switch up had me actually grooving- good shit. "Go to the zoo and see some fish."

Spirit Week- happy trendy

So cozy, comfy, fuzzy. Whenever I hear fuzzy vocals it feels like my ears are being hugged idk why. Sad but in a kind of melancholy optimist way? If that makes sense. Chords got a little tired by the end but I forgive all sins for fuzzzzzzzz

Glow- Alice Phoebe lou 

Aussie vocals perhaps? "When you were dreaming, I looked in. I saw everything." What a sweet, dizzy tune. Sounds like getting drunk in a carpeted room that looks like it’s from the 70s. “I’m a lover, just never knew how” Relatable. Vocalist has this really nice vibrato that reminds me of judy garland or ella fitzgerald, such a nice warm tone. Lots of hug songs in here. I’m a lover of this one. C:

Wasteland- wooded fang

Surf rock type of vibe? Feels like something I’d listen to as the sun sets on a long car trip- about to have a delirious few hours outside of time. I cannot fathom my man’s lyrics but he’s got such a relaxed delivery it’s real fun. Good vibe. "dododododododododo"

Feelin down- primrose

Drum good. Fr the production/recording on these drums is so nice. I feel like im sitting in the drummers lap but in a comfy way- like the rest of the song is absolutely great also but man.. I appreciate the work that went into getting these drums so nice. Also love the moments where the band stops. Love a stop. Satisfying. Ngl the vocals are nice but I wish he’d put a lil more OOmf in it y’know? Just like SEND IT.

 I Fade Away- Tulips Ballad, M.E, CAT DAD

The high vocals really made this for me, just came in and I was like aaah yeah. Then together?? Lovely. Such nice harmonies. Only wish there was a little less repetition but Idk that might just be me listening too hard rn lmao. I like the more subtle production bits but like, the main guitar loop doesn’t have much movement and it left me a lil like… what if you did more? Bass good. I like the piano but what if.. different chord?

Grade A- Spill Tab, JAWNY

I… might be getting fatigued from listening to all this stuff but these chords at the end feel like the same as the last song bro I’m a lil disappointed. It’s just so quick and so… clean? In a bad way? Lmao I think it feels overproduced to me. So many production decisions that don’t feel like they serve the song and only a couple that really feel earned. (cheated and gave it a second listen because I felt kind of bad about having mostly negative comments. Both the vocalists are great and the quality of production is real nice, I just think the producer needed to pull back a bit and let the vocalists do their thing, y'know?)

Only At Your Convenience- Graham Kartna

Big Jack Stauber energy.. Perhaps… too much Jack Stauber energy? I can’t tell if this was a deliberate attempt to emulate the style as an experiment or not. The drowned chords, the vocals that jump down suddenly, all the little cartoon samples. OK I had a look and he’s def got a voice and a sound this song just happens to REALLY sound like it’s going for a Jack Stauber vibe, most of his other stuff is similarly drowned and sample heavy but like… distinct enough that I wouldn’t think to associate the two- it’s literally just this song so he is forgiven in my eyes. Peace and love on planet earth. Honestly I’d forgive him emulating Jack really hard too I mean fuck it man do what satisfies ya. (gave this a second listen and idk why I thought it was so close actually this is good and fine.)

easy - waveform*

Oh! I’ve def heard this one before, love the big warm acoustic guitar+sad vocal. Gay and cute. “I’m on the stairs in a beautiful gown, and you look so stupid your teeth on the ground.” Love the imagery in these lyrics. 

Diane- Dad feels, Yelle 

Holy fuck I hate this man. I haven’t listened to the song yet I’m just like- before I make any comment you have to know I’m severely biased against him lmao He sucks he makes me incredibly uncomfortable to watch. ANYWAY presses play hm. Ok. wow. BAD. First song of his I’ve ever listened to and holy fuck. Worse than I thought. Nothing to like about this. It's so low effort. I’m just trying desperately to tune this trash out while I wait for the next song. Holy fuck. OH THANK GOD

Kill your radio- Heartsrevolution

Cute! Feels like something that would play in a scene while a stereotypical girly character beats the shit out of someone. Is that insane? Idk man. maybe I’m just thinking about violence because of dad. It’s fuzzy. The guitars and vocals got that sweet high fuzz on them. This toes the line for me of being like slightly over produced also but I think it’s just my taste. 

Becky- Be Your Own Pet

I’ve heard this one too! It’s just such an edgy teenage hatred song. Just real petty and fun to yell along to. Love the story and the little moments where the band all yells BECKY AAAAA. Good shit. 

Dark matter- Little Big League 

Oh such a sweet sleepy vocal with nostalgic guitars. Love the way the main vocal kind of leans around the notes, feels so effortless. The slight edge in the tone is used so sparingly but so well, such a cool voice. Oh man!! Sorry band you’re great too I just love these vocals!!! I want more growls but I’m feral for growls- the way that tone is used so sparingly to great effect is lovely. 

Better Go- Mel blum 

Familiar with this one too. Just a really catchy, chill tune. Love the stops and little rhythm guitar moments. “Guess I ain’t using my body anyway.” Yeah. Solid tune fr. Love the floaty vibe of the vocals.

Random Firl -Late Of The Pier

Glanced at the band bio and apparently the band formed when they were 16/17 which is cute. They haven’t released anything in a long while but I wanna believe they’re all still friends. Feels like a song I’d have played on repeat in 2015 when I was in a Smallpools phase. The vocal harmonies are very sweet, such a nice wall of sound. Left me wanting more!! AA

You Make me smile- Mamalarky

This squishy bass is fun. Another soft, floaty voice- I guess Spotify is recommending all of these because I listened to so much Stella Donnelly last year. Really like the structure of this song, the way that the synths swell and fall again to make room for the guitar and piano… Just really cool vibes. Love that blending of synth and ‘real’ instrument. Yeah. Just kind of vibing here. Adding this one to my likes for sure. I feel like what sets this apart from some of the others is that the instrumentation is interesting and thick without drowning or outshining the vocals which is hard as heck to do right!!

IDC- carpetgarden 

First few lines are like. Damn. Yeah. Lyrics are heavy but in a fuck this kind of way. Their vocals are so sweet and yet kind of bored sounding? Genuinely really like the vibes. There’s a great energy to the guitars that makes you wanna dance around, real sad but happy at the same time. Kind of song I’d listen to while on the way somewhere to get myself in a good mood lmao. “Worms in my brain and my eyes are full of daisies, My body’s melting and it feels a-fuckin’-mazing” 

Wicca Kids- Pacific Purgatory

This song is underwater! Pull it out!! AAA! Fr tho it’s so muffled it feels like I’m listening through a wall. Kind of a vibe? I do kind of want it a little less muddy tho. I really like the vocals- feels like they’re hiding I wanna drag them out to the front of the mix. This is prob intentional. It is nice, I’m just making grabby hands at all the high frequencies rn. Baby come back. 

Vampire- Lupin

The shades in that title and song name. Chefs kiss. These vocals are great, confident and straight shooting. They cut through really well. Oh no wonder I like this, he’s the vocalist from hippo campus. Solid song. Not super my current taste but it’s definitely hitting every ball it’s trying to hit… if you get me. Knows what it’s about. 

You’re Terrific - LoudFoxCult 

I love the way the two vocals play off each other. This came out in 2018, real cute highschool indie rock vibe and yet- like way better than you’d expect from a highschool indie band so like.. Yeah. Terrific, even.

Scott Pilgrim- Plumtree

Omg I love Plumtree. Punk girls from the 90s kickin ass. I love this band. This is a great song, I like In The Sink better tho. The main lick is super catchy though I can see why this is their most listened to.  “I’ve liked you for a thousand years” Repeated over and over and over because yeah dude I’ve liked you FOREVER. 

WasteUrTime- Kevin Walkman

Bassline hits. Licking my fingers baby this shit tastes GOOOOOD am I going insane? Idk man this song just has a really satisfying groove going, vocalist has a great laidback tone. Feels perfect for the vibe of the lyrics. Horny songs gotta have a goood bass line and y’know. This one did it. 

brittle (wake up)- Meltycannon

I know this band but can't place them. Really love the grunge/hiphop vibes??

When You Are Not Around- The Band Ice Cream

Breakup song if ever I heard one, “I like you more, when you are not around.” Angry and mean in a satisfying way, feels like a diary entry I wrote about an ex. Just like- raw and unfair amounts of bitterness, you know? Kind of shit you’d never actually say. Well idk maybe you would. I’m only mean in my diary tho. Mostly. Cough. “I don’t fucking care if it hurts you” 

How Could You Ever Think I Hated You?- Cloning

HAHA opposite vibes completely and holy shit a band from perth!!! The aussie accent feels so comfy to me in music mwa. Feels lik the accent is almost going american in parts- maybe that’s just the Perth accent tho idk any perthians. Jumpscared by the stop in the middle of the song lmao i was like NOO. Guitars are lovely, feels like a real lived-in sound. Love the vibe

Meet me in Montauk- Retirement Party

“Had a head so big it sank into the ground.” The noodles in the guitar always make my heart happy- very midwest emo. Just a very cozy angsty song. This is the type of music that turns my brain to like nostalgic goo. “I’m not sure if i don’t believe in a God or if he doesn’t believe in me” - something my 11 year old self would cry about fr. I love how raw and unornamented the vocals are- it’s a mark of the genre for sure but it just makes the lyrics hit even harder. 

I Dropped Out- And The Kids

Feels like I’ve heard this one a thousand times and yet it’s not in my likes. The vocals are swimmin' in reverb and they’re just- asufghdsuigifih I Love The Dreamy-ness. The “I went to graduation" line coming back with altered timing/tone always hits so good idk it’s such a simple thing but with the force of the band crescendo behind it- it’s like. Fuck yeah, you did!

Been thinking- Fishing In japan

SO laid back, these lyrics flow so naturally- the vocals sound half asleep in the best way. Solid band. Nothing really stands out to me more than the silly sleepy vocals which are a very good vibe, kind of wish the guitars were played a little less straight to emphasise the drag of the vocals. It’d be different song. Better? Maybe? But this song is nice too. 

And that’s all wowweeeee

[cassandralexxx]

...

You know the drill when I have nothing and a cut its going to be my should be diary level rambles that I should probably go to therapy to examine instead of publishing to the internet (ie meant to be ignored)

I don’t know why it is so hard for me to confront the fact that I will never be married in the eyes of my God. like I keep trying to find excuses or work arounds or reasons that that wouldn’t be so. but I am a Lesbian. I can no more be attracted to a man than I can do any number of impossible things. Idk. I was thinking about this because many things but today I was thinking about how I probably should go to confession again soon. Because its been several months and the last priest had mentioned that I should go to confession monthly (still something that is sticking to me). But like in a Catholic confession if you don’t confess to all your sins then your confession is invalid because if you aren’t truly sorry and aren’t truly trying to repair your relationship with God than why are you even doing all of this yknow? So I was thinking about what I would need to include and idk if it would be right for me to mention *drum roll please* that one church group that i haven’t gone to this semester. because I lied about how busy I am to get out of attending. and lying is a sin. but ofc when i go to confession i don’t usually detail scenarios but it wouldn’t be a full confession if i didn’t confess to the gravity of that. but also i think i’m quitting the group in total. so like... even though i am sorry am i truly that sorry if i would do it again for fall? but also! i am genuinely going to be busy this fall. so much to do with extracurriculars, classes, and such. anyways this is so off topic but yeah idk i just thinking about that reminded me to the first time I had come out to someone,, summer after my sophomore year of highschool and it was at confession at a well known catholic summer camp. I say this every time the priest was very kind and whatever but he also told me that I should pray the rosary every day until I stopped being confused. and idk how to take that. idk how to internalize that and accept it. i’ve also mentioned that another priest absolved me of the daily rosary thing but like it is still so ... I often wonder how this one friend of mine would react if i ever talked about my struggle with faith and sexuality. like idk if I mentioned that last spring I signed a lil contract stating that i would not engage in relationships counter to the church in order to be in attendance of a book club for other queer catholics it feels so insane to say to think. and like if we ever think about doing so or do do so tell the leadership of the org. like ikd it distresses me I know her reaction would be akin to wtf yknow. like there is no chance it goes over well. because of that i don’t know why i am so fixated on that then. I have mentioned my lack of joy over my sexulity to my other friends before but not very frequently because it feels so embarassing. like i think last january at my friends bday me mentioning i was gay was brought up because one of my friends would always forget and be like “oooh“ when i was around a guy. but anyways in that moment i said something along the lines of yeah no unfortunately i’m not straight. another time fall 2021 ig was talking to my then roommate and I verbatim said “If I could choose I would be straight“, like that is such cringe loser behavior fr like i only remembered about it because girly pop posted about it on her sc story at the time saying that quote her roommate said what i said which like ugh bad. and like its just so bad memories that i said that out loud. and also just me last year telling a girly ik that i’m not really comfortable with my sexuality and would prefer if she didn’t like broadcast it like it is just idk. its so lame that i can’t get over this. because i never know which side i’m falling to when i say get over this. like some times when i want to get over it i want to turn to God and have Him take away this struggle and then others I’m like my God will love me anyways and even so I don’t want to deny myself forever. i’m a mess. I am constanlty flip flopping between wanting to be true to myself and wanting to push it way down. it was 2021 when i realized that being gay meant that i wouldn’t be married in the eyes of my God. I cried to myself as I lay in bed at night when I realized that. I had known I was gay for like 2 years and it was only then that it truly hit what that meant for my future. I was never the kind of girl who pictured my wedding but now i wonder what it would be like if it ever happened. it would’t be in a church and i’m not out to my dad right now so I wonder if he would walk me down the aisle. i think one good thing is that at least my father has already seen me in a “wedding dress“. (for context my senior year of high school i was a debutante for my city and debutantes wear white dresses and mine was an alterred wedding dress,, like it was gorgeous). anyways the concept of not being married is so sucky, like not being able to be i mean like in the eyes of my God i mean. like i comprehend the vast socioeconomic and legal protections and benefits normal marriage has but like i’m speaking religosity here. and it sucks because i think its right. like i would be kinda like idk if thats right if they did start having gay marriage in the church and isn’t that shitty. like damn. I turned to that one church group and church as strong as i did this past spring because i was hurting. i was hurting so much and i thought only in the prescence of God could I be helped. but now i’m sad for different reasons and idk. every one of these just has me thinking i don;t know i don’t know i don’t know. I used to think about the song “i can only imagine“ rather frequently. like the whole “will i stand in your presence or to my knees will i fall will i sing hallelujah will i be able to speak at all.“ and its like rgis much doubt makes me feel so doubly worried of being worthy to exist in His prescence. anyways this is all so dumb and just rambles from someone who doesn’t know what to do with her life. I make plans and form ideas that are contradictory in the hopes that the right one will rise to the top but that is never what really happens. circling back to marriage though i’m thinking about that one quote from the book from Jae like the i think second book after backwards to oregon and how Luke tells their daughter what it means to be married and what it is to be married even without the legality of it bc lilke the whole she’s a lesbian thing. idk that quote hit. i’ll have to look through the book for it later and post it on my blof lmao. anyways signing off this was a bit incoherent and yet id still say rather telling.

[uweiy]

I'm intrigued by Love is Science? but know nothing about it. Can you give me a run down on what kind of thing to expect and who it might appeal to? Thank you!! 😁

Ooooo boi *gremlin smile* I'm glad you asked. You've entered the dragon's den, broken the dam and thus this post turned out to be a monster so I'm gonna link here another post from @accidentallyadramablog which imo gives a nice (and short) overview.

That said let's get into

Love is Science?

Summary :

Yan Fei is a the CEO of the Love is Science marriage agency, that matches people based on scientific data. Hsuan Yu, 8 years younger than her, is a promising young hairstylist who has been in love with her thoughout their entire childhood when she has only ever seen him like a little brother.

Unexpectedly they meet again. Between the way they've each built their lives and how Yong Yan Fei's ex husband still looms over Yan Fei's life, how will their relationship develop this time around ?

Now,

just reading that summary I know what you're thinking.

Indeed, if you have some experience with dramas, you might recognize some TYPICAL TYPICAL tropes – let's get them out of the way :

love triangle (though we all know who she is going to end up with don't we)

childhood friends

'noona romance'

And they are every bit as present and as trope-ey as you would expect.

However, as they say, the devil is in the details.

And particularly, in the side characters. Let me give you a quick rundown of the lot of them :

As such, we follow the stories of multiple relationships that develop parallel to one another.

The relationships

• Yan Fei/ Hsuan Yu : Not much needs to be added I think. Their storyline might be the most predictable but they are pretty sweet and heartwarming. pining for like 12 years though poor Hsuan Yu. Anyway you can enjoy it or find it boring or but you can't hate it.

• Mark/Ouwen : Noooow we're getting to it. Their dynamic is so... Refreshing and unique. Confident gay with a soft heart and dumb disaster bisexual I mean *chef kiss*👌delicious

After the disasters of their first meetings, it's a cat and dog relationship where Ouwen is the hsssssss don't touch me– cat and Mark is the golden retriever trailing after him not really realizing the rampage he's creating in Ouwen's heart. while Ouwen is like "Remind me why the FUCK I caught feelings again ?".

IDK it just has everything 'Enemies' to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, pining, sweet moments, jealousy, feelings realization, snarky banter... What more could one want.

• Cho Nai Hui / You Fu : they are. So. So sweet. Both are older and have experience, and as such they are not so naive or stupid as the youngsters. Them sharing their life experiences and going on dates like typically teenagers (in movies or TV shows anyway) would is refreshing to see and really really heartwarming.

• Liu Sheng Ying/ ??? Her ex ? : The show hinted at a wlw storyline and this arc seems to have JUST begun. Basically Sheng Ying's ex comes to Love is Science as a client and requests Sheng Ying as an advisor, while Sheng Ying still seems heartbroken over her. I can't WAIT to see how it develops.

The friendships :

Something I greatly appreciate is that both the romantic relationships AND the friendships have a great importance in the drama.

• Joanna and Yan Fei : Jo, queen Jo 👑. She's just here to gossip, get all the gossip and be the voice of reason and we love her for it. You can see how comfortable they are around each other and how they were there for each other during tough times and still are. Kudos to the actresses because I believed the characters were besties in a heartbeat.

• Hsuan Yu and Mark : they are honestly... Such polar opposites you kinda wonder how they became friends but they are and it works perfectly.

Hsuan Yu still hasn't gotten he maybe shouldn't take Mark's advice, and Mark still hasn't gotten that he, definitely should take Hsuan Yu's. It also enables to develop a more playful and mischievous side to Hsuan Yu, giving him more depth?

• Ouwen and Sheng Ying: rivalry to reluctant solidarity to friends-but-i-will-deny-it-if-asked to just friends. IT'S GREAT

I also ejoy the fact that these multiple storylines are allowed to coexist. The romantic ones, the friendships, older, younger, m/f m/m and f/f like take your pick !! And tbh a WLW storyline ?????? These are so scarce I will take anything.

The recurring themes :

The show more or less subtly touches on some topics/issues, to which the dating aspect contributes to.

A non exhaustive list would be

Divorce, and how divorced women can be viewed as failures for some reason

How successful men over 30 are sought after but successful women after 30 are somehow deemed undatable

Preconceived notions and homophobia

And beyond the topics, there's just things like... Joanna not being interested in long term relationships nor wanting to get married, reporting sexual harassment, older people going on dates.... I'm not saying it's a groundbreaking activist drama –which is not really what I was looking for– I just appreciate the fact that it is a pretty mainstream drama and that these things are there.

Mad respect if you've made it up to here ! but we're not quite done yet.

The cast and crew :

The other element that made this drama stand out for me besides the side characters is the cast.

It might be weird that such a meta thing impacts the appreciation of the show but it did, for me at least.

📣📣TMI WARNING 📣📣

For me what happened is I stumbled onto Mark and Ouwen cuts on YouTube, then somehow onto the behind the scenes. They weren't subbed at the time so I could barely understand a word of what they were saying, thus I'm not sure what but something about how the rest of the actors, the director and the crew were interacting just told me it was a show worth watching or at least checking out.

📣📣END OF TMI📣📣

The cast honestly seems to have a blast and to have, how to say it, come together really well. It seems like most of them have become genuinely friends, or despite differences in personality have truly enjoyed working with one another and with the rest of the crew, and it shows.

Where it's lacking

In my opinion the show does have some aspects where it underperforms.

As previously mentioned, the main plot is kinda tropey, furthermore, in a drama typical fashion when something is about to get resolved, immediately something else happens. Nothing unexpected from a drama though.

The pacing : Some moments of the main plot especially dragged on, so I admit I skipped through some parts.

Because I feel so strongly about all the characters though, I don't really mind the previously mentioned points. I just think it's a shame because I feel like if it had been crafted a little bit better it could have made the show go from an 8/10 good drama to an 11/10 friggin amazing drama easy.

Lastly, there is a pretty unequal time distribution so Yan Fei and Hsuan Yu do tend to occupy the most part of an episode. However some episodes are more centered on some pairings (like ep 11 that will probably have an important Mark/Ouwen part).

Overall

it's a drama that warms my heart, as simple as that. It's not that deep, it's pretty funny, the acting ranges from good to excellent and I have taken a liking to a lot of the characters, which is what I think fuels my interest for the drama.

And I feel like it managed to attract a wide range of audiences because the romances and relationships are so diverse. Whether you watch the show for its entirety or for one aspect/storyline/character is entirely up to you and I feel like the creators of the drama are aware of it as well : and you can easily find subbed compilations about each specific pairing on Settv's official YouTube channel.

Take that aspect that you like–if you find one of course–and enjoy it, that is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What's left to say besides.... 🎉🎊 Congratulations for making it to the end of this lengthy post !

[anarmorofwords]

Hc turns out Alastair actually likes politics

Hes smart and hed like to make a change in the way shadowhunters are treated

Hes like Christopher in that aspects, wanting to use different ways to advocate and carry out his mandate thought hes a good fighter

But he thinkseverything is extremly wrong and corrupted and its all shit after the breakup and he starts having HIS own thoughts

And necesarily he doesnt want to actually actively participate in politics

He wants to live his life and be happy

But it never stops nagging him that there is something wrong

So he does what he knows how to do

He writes, and advocates, and apologizez to Thomas cause he is aware Gideon is high up in politics but see your fathers not the problem im critisizing a system.

Writes it under A.C.

And everyones knows its him but no one can prove it so

Hes very vocal aboit his opinions

Once he dies the clave really tries to hude everything he did

All his small victories, his writtings everything because it challenges their costumes. Until Alec is able to find them

And theyre brilliant

And after getting 1900's speak (which is hilarious cause he just walks around the apartment with Alastairs letters like "hey babe what does effontry mean?" And magnus will shout "means someones being a huge dick" "Thank you Magnus")

Its actually pretty smart

He asks if Magnus has any idea who AC is and Magnus really doesnt know (he wasnt in shadowhunter buisness around that time he just visited offly) (and by offly I mean every ten years)

So he takes one of the letters for some time to try to figure it out and after reading everything just clicks like "Oh shit this was Cordelias brother"

And Alec is like???

Magnus: okok remember how I told you half your ancestors just didnt just "not marry" but were excrutiatingly gay

Alec nods

Magnus hands him the letter: see this was one of your ancestors lovers and he was a smartass cocky mf

After that lovely explanation he actually gets down to genuinly explain who Alstair was

His theory was really good Alec noted

At the end he takes into account some of the things he wrote

And when he finds an old letter (that had nothing to do with politics) he gives it to Emma

She lost everything she had of her family besides her sword

He knows shed like to have his ancestor as equally liked to participate in fuck the clave agenda

ok wait I'm having a moment *aka crying*

You KNOW this is exactly what he'd do. Like, I don't even know what to say I'm so emotional about this concept

He would totally see Charlotte's struggles with Maurice and the rest of Clave, and that's even more reason to keep it anon (to a degree, as you said) so people couldn't say he's biased (because Fairchilds/Lightwoods/Herondales' are friends and everyone knows that.)

(But honestly would many people be able to guess it's him?!? Like those asses that used to know his wittiness and eloquence wouldn't believe his opinions changed (because even after he starts "living with his dear friend Thomas" and gets closer to Lightwoods etc., that's not enough proof for people to suspect him, and he's not vocal about his views. and his friends etc wouldn't say. Idk just thinking out loud)

Oh I'm pretty sure Thomas wouldn't mind BUT ALSO IMAGINE ALASTAIR JUST STRAIGHT UP DISCUSSING THESE THINGS WITH GIDEON

like we know Gideon basically adopts him (aka that's a headcanon I'll never ever abandon it's canon shut up everyone) and loves him like his own son and so they just meet for dinner/tea/whatever to chat, and Alastair would often just suggest things to Gideon so he could present them to the Clave please this would be perfect

Also I don't know as much about Enneagram as you, but from what I've read wanting to leave their mark on the world is pretty important to eights, so on one hand yes those writings helping and inspiring Alec years later is beautiful af, but also THE CLAVE BURYING IT ALL FOR DECADES BREAKS MY HEART

just... Alastair dying, say, probably somewhere around/after WWII, and seeing how mundanes world went to shit and seeing similarly dangerous fucked up notions among the Shadowhunters (I barely remember TMI, but I doubt the Circle jsut appeared out of nowhere and there were no idiotic ideas like theirs before ) atahgasyab my heart </3

the thought of Magnus reminiscing about TLH gang to Alec shit shit shit- *cries more*

And damn Alec would find so much comfort in Alastair's story - a man who fought for the right cause even despite all he went through, and even in those much worse times. It brings Alec strength to face his own battles, reminds him to never give up. sometimes he's tired and defeated and thinks maybe it would be better to just leave it all behind and try to fight for nothing more than his own family's well-being, but then he glances at one of those essays, framed over his desk, and he takes a deep breath. He thinks of Alastair, and says to himself 'its for him'. For the guy that didn't get to see the changes, but relentlessly advocated for them all the same. Its for Thomas, Eugenia and Anna Lightwood, Matthew Fairchild, Kamala Joshi, who all should not have lived through those struggles. That's what he can do for them now.

fuck fuck fuck look I don't like Emma but the thought of her smugly realising one of her ancestors was not only a badass gay icon but an advocate for change that messed with the Clave as much as he could hold up I'm gonna cry-

Basically-

[dennishater69]

bro i been thinking abt that (the one up there that one great post big fan) post theorizing that dennis is meant to be a twist on the “jim halpert” kind of a leading man thats standard on sitcoms. and how all the characters are like that yanno? historically successful, funny, and loved tv tropes put into an unforgiving and realistic world? like it’s even funnier when you think about how it’s almost as if the gang (ESP Den) /knows/ that they should be getting rewarded for all their antics and scheming. that’s what happens on tv. on tv jim knew from day one that he was the man for pam, he /knew/ he’d get her and (so) he /did/! he didn’t even have to try!! but in philly dennis “knows” that he’s the man for (caylee, mac, literally anyone) but it comes off as creepy not charming thus hes often rejected and humiliated.

dee is the female voice of reason (yeah ik the origin of kaitlins dee shut up let me talk), and yet her schemes and beliefs are just as titled as the boys. now look at this: lisa simpsons job wasnt to actually convince her dad or brother that their idea was dangerous. lisa’s job was to call attention to just how fucking stupid the male leads r. plus she’s a chick and implicit lesbo so she doubles as a punching bag. just like dee. cept dee isn’t super smart or musically inclined, the only thing she really has going for her is the gang. and the fact that she’s probably the best off in terms of not destroying her own life. which lets her have this unearned sense of superiority similar to dennis’ because she ~knows~ that she’s the voice of reason. what she doesn’t know is why even after she’s proven that that’s not who she WANTS to be anymore the guys still refuse to treat her like a real member of the gang even though she so obviously is. even tho the guys know she’s just as good (bad) as they are. lisa simpson, the chick from seinfeld, and lois griffin are all fine and good and are funny because deep down lois CHOSE to marry peter, lisa explicitly LOVES her family DESPITE their flaws. but dee is UNLOVED. there’s no point in her being there other than to contradict, not cos she necessarily wants to but the gang actively avoids giving her attention for anything else. so now you’ve got the voice of reason trope desperately trying to prove their own unreasonableness in an attempt to be liked. the boys resist. she acts up. they give her enough of a nod for her to stay for another drink. meanwhile the gang is getting into increasingly stupid and dangerous schemes because the voice of reason prefers not being shit on. almost like how a real person would react to being forced into that position. huh.

charlie and mac r sort of make up one; they’re the gang (ik ik) they’re dennis’ gang. the chandler and the other one. the “leading mans” sidekicks who are happy to go along with whatever plan, happy to let him get the girl, happy to remind him of how perfect he is when he’s down. (which obviously mac and charlie are NOT happy about ANY of that and HATE that dennis treats them like they are.) It’s also maybe important to note that usually the “leader” of the group is the one who brought the three friends together. dennis just crashed mac and charlie’s twosome one day and never left. mac and charlie support dennis but only out of annoyance or in macs case sometimes something deeper. either way, it’s out of trope. really they shouldn’t be able to function without dennis telling them how to. but at this point it seems like they’re better off without him around.

but charlie is also his own trope. Cause the thing is…charlie works as a lovable goofball, the slob with a heart of gold, socially awkward sure but deep down he wouldn’t hurt a fly. except. he would hurt a fly. he is a self-proclaimed “rat-basher”, hes the only character to explicitly say the n word, he stalks and assaults the waitress (her trope is p obvious. perfect girl that the loser drools over, she rejects him.) to the point of her actually breaking and agreeing to HAVE HIS KID (need a whole new post abt those beans jfc)

NOW. i ask you…what usually happens in tv shows with the charlie/waitress dynamic? typically i’d say that throughout the course of the show the audience realizes that the supposed “perfect girl” is actually a bitch and that it’s actually the unassuming, more natural looking, lead girl who should get together with the charlie character. depending on the show, maybe she’s the girl who’s been helping him chase his supposed dream girl. or she’s the girl who is, up until the big reveal, his lesbian-coded best friend who is SICK of hearing about this girl. or maybe shes just always been there, but he’s never considered her because they’ve been friends for so long, they’ve known each other since they were kids, maybe she isnt even on the table and she’s dating his friend, or she was dating his friend, or maybe…because she’s the sister of his friend. his friends TWIN sister. see where i’m going with this? it’s dee. dee and charlie are the b couple. the dwight and angela. they’re the obvious couple.maybe you didn’t see it at first but once it’s suggested you can’t unsee it. and when they DO get together. it’s like they always were. they’re the caring, devoted, consistent couple that the audience can lean on when things get messy in the other characters relationships. and yet. dee and charlie already DID get together. and apparently they hated it. hated it so much that charlie (the poor guy trope) wanted to stop and dee (girl next door trope) FORCES him to finish. not to mention neither of them seem all that interested in a caring consistent relationship. at least not with each other. why would they be?

and what would a B couple be without an A couple? but how do you even go about satirizing an A couple? they’re meant to stay in a “will they won’t they” for at least five seasons, and when they inevitably do get together it’s full of cheating and lying and breaks. cause thats what makes an A couple interesting to watch. they’re “meant to be” and yet still have to work through the issues that all relationships face. and if it’s a sitcom this is usually funny because all the audience and characters have ever wanted was for the A couple to be official, but now that they are there’s somehow even MORE conflict within the show. sound like anyone? macdennis. but dennis (leading man) wasn’t prepared for a SECOND leading MAN. no one ever told him he was going to be expected to share the limelight. he assumed he’d meet his girl and he would know and so would she and then she’d happily stand behind him forever. not next to him. she certainly wouldn’t ever try and step IN FRONT OF DENNIS. like mac does. now remember that none of the characters, except possibly dee, know that they are filling out a trope. but dennis is the golden god. of course he knows. and that is why he is or was or whatever actively ensuring that he and mac would never be together in a way that could potentially over shadow denniss “guaranteed” leading lady, and more importantly dennis. and even more important. leading men. are not. and have never. been gay. (debatable but i digress)

so a couple b couple who cares? i cares. cause taylor swift doesn’t rape the guy at the end of “You Belong With Me”. b couples exist as a more palatable A couple. meant to be without the drama. so this is extremely out of trope for chardee. yk what ELSE is out of trope? macs coming out. yeah we’ve all touched on how fucked that must’ve felt from dens pov but here’s the thing. by coming out, mac was able to confirm that the A couple, in fact, WILL. and most likely already HAVE. but he did this alone. he and dennis didn’t come out together, mac doesn’t think about dennis at all in find his pride, mac being gay is his. and that leaves dennis with…the knowledge that he and mac ARE the A couple. not only that, but apparently mac can satisfy that trope all by himself. macs outness is obnoxious. it’s like he’s bragging about it. showing it off. it’s how everything was, but. worse. he doesn’t even need anyone to do the annoying A couple stuff, the parade around, the delusion that no one could have possibly known. he doesn’t need dennis. but it’s pretty clear that at least some part of mac still WANTS dennis. and was expecting dennis to too. but that’s not real life. imagine you’re in a “will they won’t they” for DECADES and then, out of nowhere, ur partner says “yeah no we will.” and everyone believes them. they don’t even need to spare a glance at you because they’ve always kinda known and now thanks to “your other half” they always will know for sure. no matter what you do. now there’s an expectation.

and (full circle u guys) dennis’ trope doesn’t usually call for meeting expectations. he’s attractive and charming, he’s supposed to be able to coast until he looks up and realizes he gs everything he ever wanted. but now he’s 44. and he has everything he never wanted. his abusive (not)father is best friends and the father of? HIS highschool best friend, his other best friend is an asshole who is somehow an asshole abt: being gay, dennis being gay, being gay for dennis, dennis not validating that when he expected him to. and his sister, who has been firmly planted against him since they were kids. hes starving and he’s a legit alcoholic, the gross kind, and all he’s ever done is get a diagnosis that makes his friends treat him weird and abandon his son who is named after a stranger to everyone. and i’ll prolly make a king post abt it but dennis has been showing subtle signs of edging towards (another) extreme breaking point and idk what it’s abt (fingers crossed mac uwu ihatemyself )but i’m just saying that dennis’ mentality has kind of always directed the group in a direct way (whether dynamics, psyche, finances, lives, time, etc) so that’s innerestin

and so now i say the most cracked out part of the post. this theory is giving me untapped amounts of hope that the only way the show can end is with the gang finally settling and finding happiness or they all commit group suicide. and idk abt u but those are the only two endings i’m interested in seeing.

[incorrectgreekgods]

My Friend’s Opinions On Various Greek Gods From Greek Mythology

Let me preface this by saying- I’m the one into mythology. My friends are going off of a two month unit three years ago and whatever mythology they’ve read/absorbed from modern media. None of this is taken to be offensive, and it is all based off of Ancient Greek Mythology and not hellenic polytheism. 

Now! Here are five of my friend’s impressions:

Isadora

Zeus - whore Poseidon - water Hades - meanie Persephone - gets caught by meanie Demeter - no fuckign idea Hera - i think she's a mommy? Hestia - also no fucking idea Athena - big brains Hermes - hehe that's my bestie Apollo - golden hourrrr Artemis - baddie asf Hephaestus - big muscle blacksmith Aphrodite - pretty Ares - meanier meanie Dionysus - naked drunkard

Santana

Zeus - needs to keep it in his pants Poseidon - water guy Hades - vibes=immaculate minus him being like a killer Persephone - she’s chill funny Demeter - idk this man Hera - a little jelly of her mans but she’s chill Hestia - idk this girl Athena - thriving Hermes - speedy man with funny shoes Apollo - bow and arrow guy i think Artemis - baddie Hephaestus - who is this man Aphrodite - pretty one i think Ares - needs anger management Dionysus - drunk uncle

Sasha (who popped off???)

Zeus ⁃god sky, lightning, etc. ⁃sleeps with literally anything that breathes ⁃Terrible husband to Hera but they somehow make it work ⁃Last son to be barfed up by Kronos ⁃Leader of the gods (but like super bad at his job because the gods are always fighting?)

Poseidon ⁃Water ⁃Likes his angry, drunk cyclops children ⁃Sleeps with a lot of things too but is overshadowed by Zeus

Hades ⁃Death ⁃Hella depressed ⁃Honestly a pretty chill dude until her abducts women ⁃Husband to persephone ⁃The third wheel of him, Zeus, and Poseidon

Persephone ⁃Purple, flowers ⁃Demeter’s daughter ⁃Hot as fuck ⁃Pretty chill after being kidnapped ⁃Married Hades - lil bit of a shady situation but whatever they seem happy

Demeter ⁃Agriculture, growing ⁃Carries a scythe around and honestly that’s so badass ⁃“What sort of women doesn’t have an axe?” vibes ⁃idk what else I mean got super mad when her daughter was abducted but Id be concerned if she wasn’t

Hera ⁃Marriage, family ⁃Kinda ironic seeing as her husband is cheating on her 24/7 ⁃But also their marriage has stayed together so maybe she does have the secret to making a successful partnership ⁃Anyways she is jealous of zeus ⁃OH also she turns the lovers of his she catches into animals which sucks for the lovers but DAMN I love her

Hestia ⁃hearth, home ⁃SO sweet ⁃Nobody on Olympus deserves her ⁃Poseidon tried to marry her which in my opinion was a terrible idea

Athena ⁃Wisdom, strategy, cunning, war ⁃Thriving hard ⁃Big brain moment ⁃Um owl? ⁃Makes fun of other gods while they make fun of her but she always wins

Hermes ⁃Traveling, messages (LMAO originally I wrote massages and now I can totally see it) ⁃Sneaky little shit ⁃Has little shoes with wings and two snakes ⁃Makes stupid mistakes but manages to get out of punishment ⁃Gay ⁃Gay for Apollo  

Apollo ⁃Sun, music, arts ⁃Muses (I think he’s slept with all of them right?) ⁃Would 100% be the most followed person on Insta just for his golden hour shots ⁃Pan ⁃Gay for Hermes

Artemis ⁃Hunting, forrest, femininity ⁃Fucking awesome ⁃Sleeps with all her huntresses but it just hits different than Zeus ⁃Bow and arrow and other cool stuff to kill people  

Hephaestus ⁃Forge, metal work, armory, blacksmith ⁃Chucked from mount Olympus when he was a baby ⁃Serious daddy and mommy issues ⁃Loves Aphrodite but she is just not on the same level

Aphrodite ⁃Love, beauty ⁃Doesn’t seem to give two shits about anyone but she’s honestly thriving ⁃She and ares are in a thing but she’s definitely owning that relationship

Ares ⁃War ⁃Stupid? idk he seems to loose every war he starts ⁃Loves of Aphrodite but he knows he’s about to lose her

Dionysus ⁃Drunk all the time ⁃Um I literally have no idea what he does other than party and get drunk ⁃Respect for his lack of goals in life

Emily

Zeus - wanna lightning bolt your small dick off Poseidon - cool water guy who made Odysseus’ life bad lol TEAM POSEIDON Hades - underworld dude with a weird ass dog. kidnapped then married Persephone. Reminds me of creepy old men on the internet your parents warn you about.   Persephone - fucking hot and should be more appreciative that hades wants her that badly (jealousy) Demeter - seriously please hack my face off w your scythe my agricultural top Hera - milf. that’s all. AND WAY TOO GOOD FOR SMALL DICK MAN Hestia - hearth? Huh? Athena - baddest bitch around. intelligent, owl, blood kink, probably. Hermes - mailman with shoe game. GAY Apollo - music, the sun, def part of the lgbtq+ community. Artemis - BADDEST BITCH AROUND. Huntress, cool weapons, and i would pay so much money to have her rail me dominatrix style ( bring the bow please) Hephaestus - blacksmith right? simps for Aphrodite (as he should). mommy AND daddy issues. Aphrodite - beauty, love, hot asf Ares - war, and has serious anger issues. I’ll give you my therapists card babe Dionysus - drunk all the time, reminds me of moms who have the wine glasses that say “it’s moms turn to wine”.

Norie

Zeus - shitty husband, couldn’t keep it in his pants Poseidon - water guy, hate this mf cause of Medusa, def least fav god Hades - underworld ruler, people who like him think their quirky (Ik cause it used to be me) Persephone - so hot, pls rail me, sry she got stockholm syndrome but like I would be flattered if anyone cared enough to kidnap me Demeter - top, grain mf, could fuck me with her scythe Hera - could top me, needed a good divorce lawyer Hestia - goddess of hearth? Don’t rly know much abt her but like I think she’s the oldest of her siblings Athena - smart one, owl bitch, also a whore for war Hermes - idk remember much, mischief, wings? Apollo - bisexual disaster, music bitch Artemis - hunter, could shoot me with her bow and I would say thank you Hephaestus - no thoughts at all, wait is this the guy who was with Pandora? Idk but like I think he was a blacksmith Aphrodite - hot Ares - war, a little over the top Dionysus - drunk, alcohol addiction rivals isadora’s

[quillsink]

Anyways I don't think I even ranted about In trousers, the prequel of Falsettos, even tho it's a whole other pleasant mess. First of all the guy who played the main character described it as a fever dream and uh ACCURATE.

It's basically about Marvin, before he left his wife. Well kind of, it jumps a lot between times and half of it is just weird fantasies by Marvin. It also features 14 year old Marvin who's kind of a brat and also is SOOO repressed like he has a girlfriend but he just spends time at the school play most of the time rehearsing to get away from her and wants to have a crush on his female teacher both as an excuse to not be with his girlfriend and because she's not someone he could actually be with. And then he marries his wife and has a child (originally two children but that conflicts with Falsettos so they took out the song referencing the other child in later productions)

And theeeennn he meets Whizzer Brown, and there's a whole song about gay sex there because WHY THE HELL NOT and he decides to divorce Trina and yeah everything after that is covered by Falsettos.

And like. It is so relatable for me as someone who struggled and tbh still kind of struggles with internalized homophobia, also, it debuted in 1979 like. It never made it to Broadway both because it's so hard to follow and because. It's 1979 and the musical is very gay. And it unfortunately is kind of lost media like there's a 1985 version that's heavily rewritten because idk Will Finn realized this is too chaotic BUT ALSO it's not less but MORE gay (probably because the actor of Marvin didn't know it's gay originally) like in the original there were sublte references and he never like. Outright says "i like men" Or something even the gay sex song is kind of subtle but in the 1985 version he literally says shit like "In my mind I'm kissing men" like that's not very heterosexual my dude. But yeah there's one existing bootleg of a college production of the 1985 reworked version and there's the 1979 cast album and that's basically it so it's kind of lost media :(

It's a shame cuz the songs are literally all bangers I'm saying this unironically

OOOH that sounds so cool holy shit def my kind of thing!! Ty for this infodump it was very interesting and yeah i get what you mean, it’s really a pity how much media was lost to time.

we stan songs about gay sex tbh

ahhh yeah gay media esp media showing internalised homophobia hits hard

“In my mind I’m kissing men” I’M CRYING LMAO I LOVE THAT

But i love that even though it didn’t get to broadway and homophobia at the time the bootleg still survived. Generations of gay people writing and acting and drawing and passing it down to future generations to say you’re not alone, to say there are others like you, to say it will be okay. 

Istg I need to watch Falsettos one of these days man remind me when it’s holidays in a few weeks ahh

[wigglebox]

I don't think it'll insult anyone but I'll x the name in case :) :

I just was reminded by this, I remember at least 10 years ago (I feel old, I only turned 25 the other day), I had a big crush on RDJ, and ofc I had a friend who was like ew because he's essentially the same age as my mum (this was before I even had a tumblr - which is where years later that it's totally normal to have crushes on men twice your age, and low and behold I would continue crushing on elder celebrities, the youngest being Taron Egerton - I like to joke to people that someday I'll marry him, but that's a story for another time.

ANYWAY my friend her parents and my dad were going to see a movie and they were like (idk who said this) why don't you have a crush on X or something since he's apparently closer or more appropriate to crush on considering he's a lot younger (he was 11 years older than me) (also I just realised that Misha Collins is like 11 years younger than RDJ, who I co-crushed on - I say co-crushed because I was also crushing on Jensen and Misha after crushing on rdj).

I think my point is, after thinking about that incident with one of the adults saying I should have a crush on x actor instead, it can age like milk cause you didn't do your research or you're just crushing on someone because everyone else is - and then suddenly it just something happens.

I guess also in another aspect had I crushed on any sort of celebrity just because everyone else would be doing it, it would be masking of some sort because I would be trying to fit in (I am on the spectrum after all and movies/actors was/kinda is, although has died down a bit one of my special interest)s Don't blindly crush on a celebrity just because someone says you should have a crush on that person instead because it's more 'socially respectful' without doing your research. Also masking is a big issue amongst the autism/aspergers community, especially women. I think that's what is so good about fandom in a way because you realise it's actually normal to have such crushes on actors that are that age e.g. Jensen Ackles is like around the same age as my aunt.

I should probably say that said actor got ‘cancelled and in a tonne of controversy years later so in a way lesson is don’t crush on a celebrity just because everyone else is, crush on a celebrity if your judgement is telling you that that person is a good person

sorry nonny you dropped this then i had two work meetings lol.

but yeah i remember getting some weird looks from friends or my mom when i said i had a little crush on alan rickman like man i loved that man! but he was older than both my parents at the time.

i also had a crush on danrad but i also really liked him! i always gravitated to having a crush on an older actor. never feel like you have to stoop down to your own age group just because you're pressured to.

adhd folks mask too, i do it a lot, so i completely get it. to me it's like, crushing on timothy chardonay without any kind of connection, but just doing it because everyone else thinks the guy is cute or whatever.

we don't really form 'crushes' in my opinion, we just admire 1) talent 2) obviously whatever attractiveness they have and not all of them are conventionally pretty which is actually more of a bonus for a lot of us and 3) what they present to us about their life is something we connect to.

sometimes we just don't find that with actors or public figures our own age. i had THEE biggest crush on charlize theron when i was younger and it was before i realized that being gay was an option, but since then, i don't really have a crush on her, I just think she's pretty and very talented.

with the SPN cast it's an extra layer of "something" because those actors and cast and crew are rather forward with us and there's a level of communication that you can really only find in a show like this that's lasted for so long, has their own conventions, and interacts so much with fandom. Misha does this the most — but we also have to remember they only show us what they want and that there is always another life BTS 98% of which we don't know anything about haha.

And it sucks when, young or older, you get to really liking an actor to support them and then they turn out to be scumbags — i hate that it's the worst feeling in the world.

But so long as that for the most part, if you just know what you're doing, who cares if you have a crush on Tim the Twink [affectoinate] or Ganalf the Grey it really doesn't matter so long as it's someone you believe in, think is talented, want to support, etc etc. That always comes first. You don't want to blindly follow someone just because you connect more in age and you wanna get railed by them. That's a whole different thing IMO.

but like you said in your second message: crush on a celebrity if your judgement is telling you that that person is a good person

[butchhamlet]

And for the characters, peril wingsoffire, orsino twelfthnight, ippolit warandpeace and uhhhhh firestar warriorcats

PERIL WINGSOFFIRE (yes i run a shakespeare blog yes im about to encourage you all to read wings of fire the children's books about dragons because they genuinely hold up and still slap)

Sexuality Headcanon: i think peril is bi i think that's her right Gender Headcanon: on the one hand i'm hesitant to hc peril as a trans woman because she's. a walking weapon and i feel like that could get dicey. however it could also be interesting as a reason why kestrel might not recognize her as an adult. + in the sense of... scarlet supporting her gender as long as peril does shit for her as another form of manipulation A ship I have with said character: peril/sunny maybe? i can't think of a reason why that one would be bad and i think they both have so much bright energy just in different directions yknow... like sunny is so sweet in a way most people (dragons) aren't to peril, and also i'm envisioning sunny curling up to sleep near peril because her heat reminds her of the desert :) A BROTP I have with said character: i don't really ship clay and peril romantically because i feel like peril really needs to sort out her own self-worth with regard to clay (and i'm glad that, at least as far as i've read, the books haven't shoved them together + have put an emphasis on giving them time to figure it out! we stan actually well-written het romance). however i DO think they are buddies and character foils and he's the only one who can hug her so he should A NOTP I have with said character: i guess peril and scarlet?? because of the obvious reasons?? maybe peril and turtle as well because idk i just like them as friends A random headcanon: i know most jewelry melts when it touches her, but turtle's an animus, right. i think he enchants her some jewelry that won't melt & she's so incredibly touched because she's never been able to wear bracelets before (bonus points if it's ugly as fuck but she's enthralled anyway) General Opinion over said character: peril my bestie my beloved. i had mixed feelings on her until her POV and now she's my best friend she's so much fun and her arc is so good

ORSINO TWELFTHNIGHT

Sexuality Headcanon: one of the most bisexual characters ever, actually Gender Headcanon: generally i think of orsino as a cis man (and presumed straight until he meets viola and Figures Some Things Out), but i also once read a fic where orsino is a trans bear and that concept is so god tier A ship I have with said character: orsino and violacesario :) A BROTP I have with said character: i think orsino and olivia become friends after the events of canon! i'd like to imagine he apologizes for being The Way He Was and they get to bond over being... very lonely people figuring out their relationships to love A NOTP I have with said character: orsino/olivia. dude she said to fuck off stop showing up at her HOUSE A random headcanon: he plays like five instruments very well but when it comes to singing he's tone fucking deaf. at first viola is like "why do you have other people make music for you" and then they hear him sing and they're like.... ah General Opinion over said character: i'll admit of TN characters i probably think about him the least? but i think his character arc is really interesting (and can be played in a very dark direction but i'm ignoring that because i'm in nice-headcanon-land)

IPPOLIT WARANDPEACE

Sexuality Headcanon: we know this man is gay Gender Headcanon: i haven't thought in depth about ippolit's gender but an agender ippolit could be cool. to balance out his siblings. the kuragins got one of each /s A ship I have with said character: ishpolit ofc <3 (the fact that this fic is unironically good. shakes my fist) A BROTP I have with said character: the obvious answer here is ippolit and lise but for whatever reason i read this and "ippolit and dolokhov" popped into my head. can you imagine dolokhov leaving either kuragin's bedroom in the middle of the night and ippolit is still awake doing weird shit downstairs and he's like "hi!!!" [waving] and dolokhov is like. hi? A NOTP I have with said character: ippolit and lise... he's a gay man and he wouldn't know how to have an affair if it bit him anyway A random headcanon: i'm partial to a neurodivergent ippolit but that's because i like to look at comic relief characters and go "oh me?" General Opinion over said character: i fucking love him im obsessed with him my war and peace blog url is literally lesbians4ippolit what else do i have to say

FIRESTAR WARRIORCATAS

Sexuality Headcanon: am i allowed to stand here and be like "firestar is a lesbian because he's my oldest comfort character and i'm a lesbian" Gender Headcanon: see above. A ship I have with said character: firestar/sandstorm i know it's basic and canon but literally who is doing it like them. WHO is doing it like them! shoutout to the post that's like "firesand walked so hiccup/astrid in HTTYD could run" like fucking say that A BROTP I have with said character: i know the obvious answer here is firestar and graystripe and i do adore them but i feel so much more passionately about firestar and cinderpelt like. ;-; A NOTP I have with said character: firecinder there is literally no reason to be like "actually cinderpelt loved him!" let them be friends. i also have a seething hatred for firestar/spottedleaf, kept burning in my body from when i was ten apparently. he's a married man why is he getting homewrecked by a fucking ghost and why does this keep happening for like... sixty books A random headcanon: he and bramblestar never said so in as many words, but they both considered him bramblestar's real father. (and they both knew it; they didn't have to talk about it to feel it.) General Opinion over said character: . this is so embarrassing. hopping on my shakespeare blog to admit that my oldest and deepest and #1 comfort character ever in my life is cat jesus from cat game of thrones for children

[adamarks]

If one more person says simon snow should lose his wings i’m gonna lose my goddamn mind: a meta

Alright you guys, I’ve had ENOUGH. Simon cannot lose his wings unless you want him to break up with Baz, and this is why.

Let’s start with Baz.

This analysis is obviously Simon-based, and yes i’ll get there, but first we need to look at the biggest key we’ve been given to what Simon’s wings could possibly mean subtextually and metaphorically for the story at large. That key is: Baz’s vampirism. 

Baz being a vampire is constantly compared to/mentioned in tandem with his queerness in Carry On. In his first chapters, what are the three most important traits that we learn about him? 

he’s a drama queen

he’s a vampire

he’s hopelessly in love with simon snow

If you boil his character down until he’s basically just a stick figure, that’s what he is: an over dramatic vampire in love with Simon Snow.

We’ve all read the books, we all know this, and we all know he’s much more than that. What of it?

What’s important is that Baz’s vampirism is treated almost the exact same as his homosexuality. 

Hiding it from everyone, being ashamed of it, knowing what you are but being terrified of it. His dad being “definitely more disappointed in my queerness than my undeadness.” 

I mean, holy shit, let’s look at this bit in Carry on from Chapter 51:

“I think if I got married, to a girl from a good family, my father wouldn’t even care that I’m queer. “

This scene really hits, because how many times have you wondered “What if I was straight? Maybe this thing wouldn’t be as bad?” “What if i was just a straight poc?” “What if I was only gay and not trans?” “What if I was only disabled and not gay on top of it?” What if, what if, what if. Would my life be easier? you wonder. Would I get hurt less? Would people treat me better?

If Carry On is about self-realization, then Wayward Son is about the struggle of self-acceptance. 

Baz going to Las Vegas and meeting Lamb probably seemed familiar for some of you people that are LGBT+. It’s how you feel when you’re from a small town and you go to a big city like New York or Orlando or LA for the first time and you see gay people all around you. Flamboyantly gay! Gay people holding hands! Gay people kissing! Trans people that don’t fit the gender norms! Older trans ladies just walking down the street!

It’s exciting, it’s exhilarating. Your baby-gay brain is so confused because no one’s giving them dirty looks. They don’t look nervous or ashamed. Is this allowed?

The party in the penthouse is glamorous and beautiful and alluring and none of the humans there are scared or look like they’re in real danger. It’s because they aren’t. None of those vampires are there to kill people. 

This is where Baz’s fear of his own nature comes in. Let’s hear it for all you homosexuals in the crowd that are/have been terrified of being predatory. Of turning the gender you’ve been told all of your life you’re not supposed to want into pieces of meat. You feel ashamed for wanting physical intimacy. You feel wrong for wanting emotional intimacy. 

Lamb is the older gay that you meet/learn about/watch on youtube or whatever that makes you learn that no, you’re not inherently evil. Lamb is the queer history, the queer movies, the queer people that you discover that make you learn that “no, i’m not bad. I’m not broken. I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful.” 

Baz thinking the sight of Lamb drinking that guy’s blood being alluring and beautiful is crucial to his arc. Baz needs to see that all of him is beautiful. 

So homosexuality = Baz being a vampire? How in the flying fuck does this have anything to do with Simon?

Remember, Baz is our key. His struggles have been happening since book one. Simon just gained his “creature” status at the end of Carry On. He’s new to this. Which means we’re new to the subtext. Which means: let’s dive on into the next big point.

Our Big Bisexual Boy

Whatever label you choose to use for Simon is up to you. As long as we all agree he likes more than one gender then it’s whatevs. I’m going to be using the word bisexual for this meta, though. 

We’re all well aware that Simon is Struggling with his bisexuality in this book. 

“I still haven’t sorted out whether I’m still attracted to women or whether I ever was, or whether I’m some kind of Baz-only-sexual. But the cleavage at this place is abundant, and I’m not mad about it.”

(taken from chapter 21) 

Like....... y’know. We know. It’s... we get it. 

The important part of that quote is that it’s at the Ren Faire. The Ren Faire is the first time Simon’s had his wings out in public since god-knows-when, if ever. This is also the first time he really considers kissing Baz in the book. Kissing Baz in Public.

Any of you that have been to Pride probably got a little bit of the warm fuzzies during this scene. The faire brought back such deep memories of my first pride it was a little bit emotional. I talked to random people, people ran around in rainbow outfits. There was body paint! Stupid hats! Weird dye jobs! The classic pride-flag-as-a-cape look! I talked to so many people and 

“Everyone here is so friendly.”

(also taken from chapter 21)

Everyone was so nice to me.

Baz feels right at home; Simon is all smiles. The only one not having a blast is Penny and she’s (I’m sorry, Penny) the token straight friend in these books. 

I don’t know how Rainbow did it, but she made me relive my first pride through Simon, and I’ll never not be grateful for that. 

“Today I’m someone else entirely. Today I’m just a bloke with fake red wings.”

The Pride/Ren Faire parallels were pretty obvious, but I wanna get a little further into the whole “wings = being bisexual” thing. 

We’ve established with Baz that being a magical creature or whatnot is Gay, but while Baz is fully magical, Simon’s “half-normal.” Kind of. It’s a weird situation there but half-normal works for the argument. 

“’Smells like dragon... but also smells like iron. Another abomination!’” 

(chapter 35)

Now the word “abomination” is really fucking unfortunate in this context, but biphobia exists so idk man. I’m gonna start talking in gay/straight terms and I absolutely know bisexuality isn’t half-gay half-straight but we’re talking in metaphors and i’ll tie it together at the end so just stick with me, okay?

He’s part dragon, part Normal (kind of). Simon’s not like Baz where he’s absolutely, 100% a vampire. He has traits of dragons and humans. This is why it’s so bad that he hates his wings half the time. They are part of him. They may not be “normal” and he may have to hide them, but he can’t just cut off the gay part. Our queerness doesn’t define us, but it’s a defining feature. 

Penny says she wouldn’t be her if she wasn’t a mage. Simon wouldn’t be Simon if he wasn’t bi. 

The mistake Simon and almost everyone else makes during this book is that they think of his wings as these separate entities. There is no gay part and straight part of Simon Snow. All of him is Simon. From the tips of his toes to the tops of his wings, all of him is Simon. He might’ve discovered this part of himself during a tragic point in his life, but that doesn’t mean it has to be something bad. It doesn’t have to be something tainted. 

Sometimes you discover things about yourself during the hardest moments of your life. When you’re already down in the dirt, beaten and bruised, sometimes a mirror is put in front of you and you realize something. You realize you’re trans. You realize you’re gay. And sometimes you resent those realizations because they came to you at the worst possible time. “This is just one more thing on my plate,” you think. 

This series is about reclaiming the things that where taken from you by the ones that hurt you. 

Simon’s going to have to learn to love his wings, because even though they remind him of something that hurts-- hurts more than anything-- they’re part of him. They are him, as much as the rest of his body is. Simon’s going to have to forgive himself, and learn to love himself for all that he is. 

Because all that he is is beautiful. 

We all know it; it’s time for him to understand that.

All right, bitches. Let’s get to the bit we all REALLY care about. this is the one that really fucks me up my dudes. Because it’s Brutal. But anyways here we go.

His wings are the Big Baz Love 

What are the two things that Simon’s  considering cutting off in this book?

“That’s what I’m going to say when I break up with Baz.”

“Dr. Wellbelove said he could remove the wings. And the tail. Whenever I’m ready.”

(Chapter 2, Epilogue)

Yikes!

My guys..... Simon and Baz don’t kiss unless Simon’s wings are out.

I truly do not understand how some of you are out here saying Simon’s gonna lose his wings I really don’t. It’s stressful. I’m stressed. Ms. Rainbow Rowell, you have me stressed. 

His Wings! Are! His Love!

On Love’s Light Wings!

Goatman dances his nasty little fingers all over the bridge that is Baz’s ass? Wings out, uses his tail to help kill the guy. Lamb is hitting on Baz too much? 

“’Spell my wings off.’”

(Chapter 45)

In the airport, when a lady is giving them the “don’t be gay” stink eye he immediately checks to make sure his tail is hidden. 

Baz can’t spell his wings off, guys. 

Baz can’t spell his wings away.

“’Snow needs you to cast your angel spell on him. I hid his wings for breakfast, but they’re still there.’“

(Chapter 19)

In Chapter 41, the biggest kiss scene we get, Simon wraps his wings around Baz to hold him. He’s embracing him in his love guys. Guys. 

Have you people noticed how i’m suddenly less articulate? It’s because i’m in crisis. Set me on fire I wouldn’t notice. I’ve been living with this terrible knowledge.

The first scene we finally see them kiss is after the scene at the Ren Faire when Simon’s wings are finally out and he finally got to fly.

“Simon catches up with me and traps me against the car. He’s kissing me before I see it coming.” 

Simon is so dtf in this scene Penny throws a water bottle at them, and it hits him in the wing. 

“’So hot,’ Simon Says. ‘Got to see you fight without picking a fight with you myself.’

Bunce throws a plastic bottle over my shoulder, and it smacks Simon in the wing.”

(Chapter 22)

She had to smack him right in the love for him to calm down, my dudes, my guys. Do you realize how hard it was for me to annotate this goddamn book with this knowledge? Every. Single. Time. Simon stretches a wing or flaps them around it’s about Baz. It gets to the point where you have to put the book down or you’re gonna explode. 

Simon’s wings are always out around Lamb. He’s jealous as hell and he hates that motherfucker’s guts. The only real injuries Simon sustains in this book are to his wings and they’re almost always when Baz gets hurt too. 

When did Simon get his wings? Only a day after he first kissed Baz.

Simon’s love for Baz is so big and so obnoxious he can’t hide it. His wings and tail have spikes, because that’s all Simon knows. He’s rough around the edges, he’s been hurt, he’s been used.

He’s never been in love before.

His love is spiky; it’s loud. It’s hotrod red and you can’t miss it when it’s out. Baz can’t see it, because Simon’s tucked it away. He hasn’t flown with it. He hasn’t wrapped it around Baz in so long. He doesn’t know how to handle a love this big, where to put it, when to unfurl it. 

Simon gets jealous. He gets scared. He’s insecure. He wants so dearly to finally give to someone instead of feeling like he’s just giving in. Like he’s still just taking from Baz.

What do you do with wings? 

How do you find somewhere safe to fly?

The Resolution.

I said earlier that if Carry On is a story of self-discovery, Wayward Son is a story of self-acceptance.

Simon has to love himself, and learn that his love for Baz is a good thing. As he accepts himself (and his dragon powers evolve go read my dragon simon meta it’s good.) he’s going to start to shine. 

This is a story being told to us with nothing but love. This is a story about a boy that’s his own worst enemy-- as all of us often are. It’s so scary to accept our wings. It’s so scary to accept our fangs. Especially when they’ve come out of such a hideous occurrence. 

We need to accept these dark times and acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, we were made more beautiful because of them. Maybe the light we give after we’ve been in darkness is more vibrant, because we know how scary the dark is. The things that happened to us were horrible, and hideous, and terrifying, but we aren’t. We’re different from how we were before, but we’re still beautiful. 

Simon Snow is going to accept himself.

Simon Snow is going to accept his past.

Simon Snow is going to finally, finally tell Baz he loves him.

And for the first time, Simon Snow is going to see that he’s beautiful.

If you’ve liked this meta you should also check out this one where i explain how they’re finally gonna get their relationship together. Also the one about the scarf

Special thank you to @singerofsimplesongs for listening to me howl and screech about this damn thing. 

Tagging some people that might be interested!

@neck-mole @watfordwallflower @carrybits @theflyingpeach @fight-surrender @shitty-posty-times @wisest-girl @slaying-fictional-dragons @gucciglitzy

[redinkofshame]

Some late night ramblings Re: gender and toddlers bc I can't sleep.

I mentioned a while back that my kid's pediatrician asked if he could tell boys from girls and how much it upset me, like, can you?? (<-- I regret not saying it. I should have.) At the time I said no, he thinks everyone is a boy.

I soon realized I was wrong; he doesn't think everyone is a boy, he just only knows/uses he/him pronouns. Boys are he/him, girls are he/him, inanimate objects are he/him. I've been working on it with him every time he gets it wrong (but it's not working at all)

Ignoring for a minute that I don't particularly like that my 3yo can correctly (or as correctly as anyone else) say 'that boy won't play with me' or 'that girl took the ball'... (Like, how can he tell? They’re just kids...) Even though he can't grasp pronouns I'm glad that he's exposed to gender neutral on a regular basis thanks to the librarian that does toddler time at the library, Mx. Jude. I feel like it's scary to tell parents your proper pronouns because so many people are shitty but I'm glad they did. I guess I should write a comment card or something? Or is that patronizing?

I've been working on my own pronoun use, too. I try to remember not to assume and to use neutral terms unless I know otherwise. Kinda hard to unlearn a lifetime of cis stuff but I try. Sometimes I mess up in my head at work -- hard not to make assumptions when speaking with a nurse named Angela -- but I (think) I always remember when leaving a note saying who I spoke to be neuter about it. 

It’s already paid off. Kiddo is in swimming lessons and his teachers rotate all the time so I was introducing him to the week’s teacher. I don’t know if I would have caught myself if it wasn’t easy to see that the teacher was wearing clothes that came from a different department than their AGAB but it slowed me down enough that I remembered to use a they/them, despite my brain telling me I could just assume their gender and sexual preferences based on a glance. I’m really glad I did bc when I tell you their eyes just LIT UP and being called they/them by a new parent. 

So much so even my mom saw it, I think. Or maybe she picked up on me continuing to use those pronouns when talking about them later? I don’t think I ever mentioned them again though. I do know that I saw mom use the correct pronouns weeks later when we saw them again, in that way where she had to slow down before she said it to remind herself to use they/them. I know it’s a struggle for her. It’s hard to re-learn! She’s very good about Mx. Jude in front of kiddo but sometimes will slip when talking to be about them. 

I probably slow down the same way, though I try not to. It doesn’t come naturally yet. But I’m glad that I’m working on it. And I’m glad people from my mom’s generation are too. 

I grew up with Fox News playing like 24/7, except when we were in the car: then it was Rush Limbaugh. I believed all the rhetoric. But occasionally something someone said would seem Too Unfair to me, and if was coming from my mom I would say so. One time a butch woman (I think. Who knows.) was spending, like, a long time primping her hair in the Target bathroom. Mom muttered something like ‘she’s spending an awfully long time on how she looks for someone who doesn’t care how they look.’ and I was like ‘who says she doesn’t care?? Just because YOU don’t like women with short hair doesn’t mean SHE doesn’t like it. You don’t know she cut it just to say ‘fuck you’ society.’ (though, now that I’m older and wiser, more power to them if they did. I also like to imagine they were getting ready for a date or talking to a cute cashier.)

She used to say It’s okay to be gay but they shouldn’t be *married* they can just have ‘civil unions’. It took me YEARS to stop believing that, but when I did I found an excuse to bring it up again so I could say something about it. 

And folks? It worked?? Like I didn’t notice at the time. I don’t think she really responded either time and the subject moved on. But even she still remembers that time in the Target bathroom because it left such a ‘o shit the kid’s right’ imprint on her, and it’s made her think about some things more critically.

But now we’re at a point that my mom will text me about how my kiddo loved playing with Mx. Jude today, just casually in a text. I didn’t even know where she learned that Mx. was a thing. She didn’t learn it from me.  (I’ve since gathered she probably learned it from the teacher.) I’ve never really talked her much about gender outside explaining why some people go with bi and some pan and some other ones out there. 

Which! Side note. When her teenaged nephew came out as bi to her sister, and then the sister talked to mom about it, mom was able to explain ‘just because someone’s attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean it’s always all genders equally; sometimes it is, or sometimes people will still have some preference to girls or boys but are still bi’ because apparently of all the things I said to her about it that one was like a lightbulb for her. I have no idea why it mattered in the conversation tbh, only that she later said she was happy that she understood that now, thanks to me. 

I hope this isn’t patronizing to mom, and I don’t want anyone to think ill of her bc she’s super amazing and caring and works so stupid hard for this family. But it’s just great to see that other former Fox-News watchers can just learn to teach themselves to be progressive. 

(Dad’s changed a lot too but not in an anecdote-able way, not as socially, so idk how to describe it. Definitely thinks more critically though.)

 One more before I resort to sleep meds I guess. My cishet BFF just informed me that her spouse is a transwoman. She’s wanted to tell me forever (like 6 month I think) but they weren’t out about it yet and it wasn’t her place to tell, all I knew was that her and spouse were in therapy about something she couldn’t talk to me about yet. 

I focused more on her reaction to it when I was talking to her, because I know how much she hates secrets and has wanted to talk to me about it and I wanted her to tell me all the things she’s been holding back. And also their family’s reactions because they suck. (The reaction is that everyone thinks her wife is going to hell, even the wife’s mother.) But the first thing I asked was how to spell her wife’s new name. 

When the conversation was over and I had her permission to tell others I informed my spouse and mom, because they also know my BFF and might talk about her spouse and I didn’t want them to accidentally misgender/deadname her. 

My mom’s first question was how to spell her wife’s new name 😂 (and then if she was using she/her pronouns or smth else).

Idk. It’s exciting. I’m happy for all you funky little queer folk. I’m sorry my ass is taking so long to catch up. I’ll make sure my kiddo is better than me. Forgive him for misgendering over half the population currently (and most inanimate objects).

[sunsetsover]

Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞