#I wish I can help but she seems very distant and doesn’t really say much unless I start the conversation..

[decease-soul]

my bestie seems like she doesn’t want to talk to me :(

[suashii]

— 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝓅𝓊𝓉𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 ౨ৎ

haitani rindou x reader. 1.3k w.c. ﾉ sfw ﾉ fluff ﾉ college au-ish :3 ﾉ just some rindou lovin' ﾉ repost!

it’s been a while since you've been out with your friends. can you really call them that, though? they are classmates at the very least, ones that feel compelled to invite you to their gatherings. it’s thoughtful, you’ll give them that, but part of you wishes they didn’t. maybe the outing is just boring or maybe they have all grown dull, but either way, it’s easy to zone out in their presence. their chatter seems distant. you don’t even really know what they’re talking about—something regarding everyone’s plans for this saturday.

“what about you?” the girl beside you nudges your ribs to gain your attention—and it works. the jab is surprisingly painful given how small she is. “can you make it?”

“sorry, i already have plans with someone else.”

“aww,” she whines at your answer, “who are you hanging out with? maybe they can tag along.”

“rindou.”

all the idle chatter at the table stops upon the mere utterance of his name. suddenly, all eyes are on you. he’s popular, but not for the right reasons. not many people are fond of him. and you never minded that, but the people who dislike him don’t just dislike him; they’re afraid of him. so although you have no problem associating yourself with him, you’ve learned quickly that bringing him up around others often leads to unsavory reactions. you slipped up at this moment.

“you mean… haitani rindou?”

“mhm.” you’re aware of the common consensus when it comes to rindou and what people think of him, but you want to test the waters and see how your peers perceive him. “why? what’s wrong with him?”

the replies flood in like a tsunami.

“he only hangs out with his brother and you know how much trouble ran is.”

“yeah, they’re total scumbags. i’m pretty sure they’ve almost gotten arrested—and on multiple occasions at that.”

“you’re perfectly capable of surrounding yourself with better company. why on earth would you want to be seen with him?”

“that’s really none of your concern.” the last comment strikes a nerve and causes you to raise your voice. shocked eyes accompanied by gaping mouths stare at you in surprise. you don’t know why you expected their responses to be any different. everyone jumps to the same conclusion and they aren’t an exception. their feelings about him are crystal clear. if they think so poorly of him, they have no place in your life. “and i’d rather not talk to you guys if you’re going to continue to speak about him like that. i’m leaving now.”

and with that, you stand up, collect your things, and start on your way home.

• • •

rindou is in the kitchen when you walk through the door. a head of blonde hair sits at the small table, slurping up ramen noodles. the steam wafting from the bowl leaves the lenses of his gold-framed glasses foggy. your keys clatter when they meet the ceramic of the dish that holds little things like chapstick and mini box cutters. the noise grabs rindou’s attention, his gaze abandoning his food in favor of looking at your figure that approaches to take a seat next to him. he didn’t think he would see you back so soon; it felt like you had just left. but he doesn’t say a word, instead, offering you the noodles hanging from his chopsticks. you lean forward to accept the mouthful of spicy ramen. every other bite of what remains in the bowl is reserved for you.

you stay attached to his hip for the rest of the day; helping him wash the dishes even though it’s your least favorite chore, sitting in his lap and snuggling into his neck as he boots up his computer to play who knows what game with his friends—you even go as far as getting comfortable on the lid of the toilet while he takes his shower for the night. it isn’t unusual for you to take care of his hair once he emerges from the steamy room, combing out the tangled strands of blonde and blue before pulling out the hair dryer. after the locks are fluffy and dry, his hair sits in a neat bun on the top of his head. the only pieces that escape are the ones not quite long enough to be tied up with the rest.

you wonder if your actions came off as overbearing; not that you would care if they did. the conversation from earlier reminded you of how poorly people regarded your boyfriend. someone has to love him when everyone else thinks so little of him, and you’re more than happy to be that person.

and you’re content at the moment, practically lying on top of him, your fingers tracing each curve of the black ink tattooed into his skin. you can feel the thumping of his heart, hear the rhythmic beat of it in your ear.

“what’s wrong?” rindou speaks up out of the blue. so then he had noticed the shift in your behavior.

“what do you mean?” you feign ignorance. you know rindou was fully aware of his reputation, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to shield him from the harshness of others.

“you’re even clingier than usual.”

“i’m not clingy,” you mumble against his chest.

“mm, yeah, you are.” he pinches your cheek that isn’t pressed against him. it doesn’t hurt but you look up at him regardless. lilac eyes peer down at you. the blank expression on his face may not show it, but his gaze is enough to tell you that he’s concerned. “are you gonna tell me what happened or not?”

rindou isn’t the type to push you, to make you tell him something you aren’t ready to tell. if you told him you didn’t want to talk about it, you were sure he’d let it go. but since it’s weighing so heavily on your mind, maybe it is best to share. “i brought your name up in front of some classmates and they said some pretty rude stuff about you.”

he snorts as if what you were worried about was silly. and to him, it is. it doesn’t bother him—the wandering eyes, the hushed whispers, the anxious avoidance. everything that you seem to be hyperaware of is the norm for rindou. and he can understand why it upsets you, he wouldn’t want people speaking ill of you, but he’s accustomed to his bad reputation. “i thought i told you not to let stuff like that get to you. you know i don’t give a shit about what people think.”

“well, i do.” maybe you shouldn’t, not to the extent you do, anyway. but after getting to know rindou, the real rindou, you can’t help but feel offended when people reduce him to nothing more than a no-good criminal. sure, he isn’t a saint, but he’s far from evil. what gave them the right to form opinions when they only got a glimpse of one side of him? “they shouldn’t get to judge you if they don’t even know you.”

he lets out a heavy, dramatic sigh, the breath heaving from his chest causing your head to raise. though, not long after, his lips find their way to your hairline, pressing a light kiss to the skin. his hand runs up and down your arm, “it doesn’t matter how often i tell you, huh?”

“nope.” you shamelessly reply. you’ll never stand for people demeaning the man you’ve come to love.

“how stubborn,” he clicks his tongue. it’s clear that this was a matter he won’t be able to change your mind on. of course, he doesn’t care what people think about him, but seeing you so protective of him and his image is oddly endearing. “so what, are you my defender or something?”

“mhm,” you hum, letting your eyes drift shut, “now and always.”

thanks for reading! pls consider reblogging or commenting if u enjoyed :3

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons plus a little bonus at the end

Whenever the trio gets home it's like a switch is flipped off inside their brains and all they want to do is be lazy and relax 

They’ve got very busy and stressful lives and a pretty small home so it’s not uncommon for them to yell when they’re asking a question instead of just getting up

And if they can’t hear each other they’ll just call the other person

One time Ambrosius was yelling asking them what wanted for dinner and was interrupted by Nimona calling him 

He answered the phone and all they said was “What’d you say I couldn't hear you” he didn’t even question it he just kept talking 

Nimona brings dead animals home 

I have this small headcanon that the first time she shifted into her human form was when she met Gloreth 

So before that she was living mostly as different animals and she kind of learned their ways and those ways stuck with her 

So there is a small part of her that sees Bal and Ambrosius as incompetent hunters (can you blame her)

The boys always thank her for her doing a good job and then they wait for her to leave the room before they freak out because MY GOD SHE BROUGHT A FUCKING DEAD RAT IN THE DAMN HOUSE 

There have also been times when she’s brought live animals inside the house the trio spent half an hour trying to get a traumatized bird out of their living room 

I just know for a fact that Bal has a crazy amount of brain damage 

This man has used his head as a weapon and has been hit on the head more times than I can count 

So I feel like he has a really hard time remembering the little details he gets really bad migraines and headaches pretty frequently his eyesight is absolute shit and he has to wear contacts or glasses and he gets really bad vertigo if he doesn’t take care of himself 

This worries the shit out of Ambrosius and Nimona but there isn't much they can do except deal with the symptoms when they show up

So I was thinking about the fact that as far as we know Nimona never told Bal about what went down with Gloreth

But I know that the boys would try and heal the damage that Gloreths legacy left behind  

And in the middle of everything Bal turned to Ambrosius and said “I just wish that fucking eyesore was gone” 

He didn’t have to ask what he meant he knew it was the statue 

So Ambrosius got to work trying to get it torn down 

A lot of people including some distant relatives that he hasn’t heard from in years tried to argue that it was an important monument and that her story touched a lot of people 

To which Ambrosius responded with “I’m her direct descendant if anyone gets to choose what happens to that statue it should be me” 

It was a couple of months into Nimona’s return when the demolition was approved 

The boys had asked him a while after he came back if it was something he wanted 

And all he said was “As long as I get to help” 

It was super therapeutic for both Nimona and Ambrosius 

Like don’t get me wrong the damage she did to Nimona is still there 

And Ambrosius will always have a complicated relationship with his lineage 

But tearing down the “fucking eyesore” heals something inside them

It was supposed to be a month-long process but Nimona and Ambrosius kept going and it was completely gone after two weeks

When all was said and done they collapsed on the couch and went through just about every single emotion you can go through

A little bonus I made my mama watch Nimona with me and here are some of my favorite comments: Mind you when I first put the movie on this woman was acting like I was pulling teeth

“I like the queen she seems nice” (and then she freaked out when she died)

“So they’re nice to him 'cause he’s gold I would just steal the armor what does he have without that?” “Money Mama” “Ah”

“Why are they so mean to him he’s just a baby?” (talking about Bal)

“She’s just like you especially with those freaky eyes” (when Nimona met Bal)

“Oh, so she’s the rhino…. Makes sense”

“Awe she’s cute I can't hate her” (about Nimona again)

“Oh wait she isn’t cute that’s freaky” (when Nimona was the demon baby)

“That’s like you and your sister” (Bal and Nimona interrogating the squire)

“Hey, mama is arm chopping a love language?” “I’m worried that you would even ask me that”

“Oh he’s got issues huh?” (after Ambrosius’ internal freak out)

“Can he die a little quieter… and faster” (after the Director stabbed “Ambrosius”)

“Oh fuck that little blond girl”

We had to pause the movie right before Nimona started her rampage because we were getting tired and I woke up to her in front of the tv with it pulled up on Netflix and she turned to me and said “Can we finish it already?”

“If she sacrificed herself I will never forgive you”

“Do you watch anything with straight people?” “Mama you literally ship them” “That's not an answer” (this is right after Bal and Ambrosius kissed)

“Is there a next part?..... so when’s the next one coming out?” 

Once the movie was over I told her some people thought Ambrosius and Bal were related and she looked me dead in the eyes and said

“You’re joking. No you have no be kidding… He literally said it in the movie!” “Said what Mama?” “oh I love him so much and I lost him whatever will I do” 

And then she kept making fun of Ambrosius for the next three minutes

I asked her who her favorite was and she said Nimona I go “aweee you love me” she looks me dead in my eyes and says “don’t make it awkward”

[harlowsbby]

Cater 2 You

You never really liked opening up to people mainly because everyone you’ve opened up to in the past has done you wrong in some way, but with Jack you felt safe opening up to him and letting love in.

You never had to worry about Jack lying or sneaking around behind your back he reassured you that you were the only women he’d ever want, well that was the case until of lately, for the past few days he’s been gone for long hours of the night doing God knows what with who knows what.

His behavior has been suspicious as well whenever the two of you were watching tv together and his phone started ringing he’d get up and go into the other room, he lays his phone with the screen facing down which he’s never done before and now he leaves his phone on mute whenever you’re around.

You were starting to overthink and wonder if he was seeing somebody behind your back or not, you knew that sounded a bit far off but everyone always revealed their true intentions eventually.

You were out with Neelam and Taylor just trying your best to take your mind off everything. You didn’t feel like jumping to conclusions you really did want to give Jack the benefit of the doubt.

All day Taylor has noticed a slight change in your energy you weren’t has bubbly and joyful as you usually were. When the three of you were window shopping she glanced back when she noticed you were slugging along.

“Y/N, is everything okay? You seem a bit off today.” She asked.

“I was actually going to say the same thing you’ve been really quiet ever since we picked you up this morning.” Neelam said.

“I just feel a bit out of it today that’s all.” You didn’t really feel like brining up Jack because you it wasn’t a nobody else’s business.

“Come on, you know you can tell us anything.” Neelam tried pushing you to try and get you to tell them. You didn’t feel like saying anything but maybe it would help getting things off your chest.

“Do you think Jack has been acting weird?” Neelam and Taylor looked at one another than back at you. “Weird how exactly?” Neelam questioned you.

“Like doesn’t he just seem distant, just very secretive or whatever? Or is it just me.” You bit your lip nervously.

“Has he done anything to you? To make you feel as if he’s distancing himself away from you.”

You shrugged your shoulders you hated feeling this way you just wished your life didn’t always end up with you always being hurt in the end. “He’s just acting a certain way, I feel like I’m losing him.. like maybe he’s cheating on me.”

Neelam so badly wanted to just tell you right then and there that Jack was planning on proposing to you which is why he’s been sneaking around behind your back but she knew she couldn’t say anything.

“Maybe you’re overthinking it Y/N, you know he’d never do anything like that to you. He loves you.”

If he loved you then why was he being so secretive, why was he making you feel as if there was someone else. You’ve been through this plenty of times before.

“Are you okay? You wanna go get a drink or maybe two.” Taylor suggested which made you laugh. “I promise I’m fine I just hope I’m wrong about all of this.” You told them.

“Everything will be okay Y/N, trust me.” Neelam told you. “I sure hope so Neelam.”

You tried enjoying yourself for the rest of the afternoon but Jack and the possibility that he was cheating on was the only thing on your mind.

————————————————————————

When you got home that night it was evident that you were crying because whenever you did cry your eyes were always so red.

You opened the door and almost immediately you were greeted by Jack you smiled softly at the sight of him, he had on his all black sweatsuit and his curls were tucked away in his bonnet that a few fans and yourself put him on too.

“Is that my baby? I missed you so much.” He coo’d and brought you into him, his arms wrapped around your waist and while his face went into the crook of your neck taking in your scent, he placed a few kisses to your neck before pulling back that’s when he noticed your eyes.

“Have you been crying? What happened.” Jack almost immediately asked.

“Nothing happened I’m fine we just saw a sad movie that’s all.” You mumbled and slipped passed him making your way into the kitchen to place your leftovers into the fridge.

“Something clearly happened your eyes are red so tell me what happened? Or else I’ll call Neelam right now.” He threatened. You didn’t feel like arguing with him or brining Neelam into your drama even more so you decided it was best to just talk to him.

“I’m just going to be honest with you and I hope you can do the same.” You told him and watched how his body stiffened up. “What is it baby? You can tell me anything.” He took your hand from over the counter and caressed it.

“Are you.” You paused and blinked away the tears threatening to spill. “Are you cheating on me?” You watched how he went from looking confused, to hurt to angry.

“Are you kidding me right now? Why would you think I’m cheating on you.” He defensively stated which caught you off guard a bit. “Why are you getting so defensive? All I did was ask a question.”

“A dumb question Y/N I’d never fucking cheat on you and for you to just sit up here and assume something like that honestly is insane.”

“Insane? Says the man that puts his phone on mute now, says the man that takes his calls outside now and says the fucking man that lays his phone down flat down so I’m not able to see the screen, you’re the one giving me all of these reason to act like this!” You yelled back at him.

Jack massaged his temples and sighed heavily. “You know I really can’t deal with you right now you’re insane you know that?” You scoffed and rolled your eyes.

“You already said that and need I remind you there is a reason as to why I act like this, did you forget? Or do you just not care.” You mumbled.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Jack’s phone started ringing. “What’s her name?” You asked him. “Jesus, are you being serious right now? I’m not cheating on you Y/N.”

“So why are you being so secretive with me? The other day you said you were going out with Nemo just to find out you’re at some restaurant doing who knows what with who knows who, look if you’re seeing someone else it’s best you tell me now.” You crossed your arms over your chest and looked down trying your best to embrace yourself.

“Y/N.” He sighed and you heard the sound of the stool he sat on being pushed back before hearing his footsteps approaching you. “Can you look at me please?” You looked up slowly seeing Jack had tears of his own in his eyes.

“The reason I’ve been sneaking around is because I’ve been planning on proposing to you.” You watched as he reached behind him and took a small box out his box he opened it up and revealed a sparking diamond engagement ring.

“Jack.” You gasped and covered your mouth with your hands you didn’t know what to say you definitely felt like an asshole right about now. “I didn’t mean to make it seem as if I was being secretive I just didn’t really know how else to plan this since we’re always around each other.”

“I’m sorry Jack I feel so stupid now.” You groaned which made him laugh. “It’s okay baby you didn’t know but what you said hurt Y/N, I’d never do you dirty I love you way too much, we’re locked in on this forever remember?”

You nodded your head. “I know I just feel so bad now.” You we’re so embarrassed you knew you shouldn’t have overreacted.

“Don’t feel bad because trust me I can think of a million ways that you could make it up to me.” He wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.

“So what happens now?” You asked him.

“Well I guess just act like you’re surprised when I purpose in front of everyone alright?” You smiled and nodded. “I can do that.” You told him and leaned into his touch.

“I love you Jack.” You whispered in his ear and placed a soft kiss to his neck. “I love you too, even though you literally just gave me a heart attack.”

“Whatever just be glad I didn’t set your shit on fire.” He pulled back and looked down at you with his eyebrows raised. “Do I need to get fire insurance?”

“I’m just kidding baby I’d never do that… or would I.” You both laughed. The rest of the night was spent cuddled up downstairs together.

The two of you discussed what color your wedding should be and who should be invited and the entire time you were rambling away Jack couldn’t help but to smile and admire you. He couldn’t wait to spend forever with you.

[curtis-corner]

Stand By Me (A Darry Curtis Fic) PART 3

Two very important late night drives :)

Fic Masterlist Here

Part 3

You knew exactly when your crush on Darry Curtis began. It was your freshman year and one of those perfect fall days; chilly enough for a sweater, but nice enough to be outside. You were eating your lunch on the lawn with your friend Sally when you heard a faint “heads up!”.

Looking back, it almost seemed to happen in slow motion: you turned to see a football headed right for your face. Before you could even think about moving, a tall, built boy jumped in front of you and caught the ball with ease. He turned around and tiled his head to the side.

“You okay?” He asked and you nodded. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. Thanks for catching it before it hit me.”

“Of course,” And then he gave you a wink before heading back to his friends. Your heart did a somersault and you were blushing as you turned back to Sally to finish your lunch.

“Pity it didn’t hit you. Maybe he would have given you mouth to mouth,” Sally said with a devilish look and you threw one of your potato chips at her.

It was a harmless crush – you just seemed to notice him more than most boys, looked for him in a crowd, always tried to smile if he ever looked at you...completely harmless and not serious in the slightest.

Until, of course, a few weeks ago when he started driving you home.

He always comes in a few minutes before your shift ended and always holds  the passenger door of the truck open for you. Sometimes you talk about small things, like if you like what songs were on the radio or what your day was like. But sometimes you talk about bigger things, and as the weeks went on Darry spent more and more time parked in front of your house while you both kept the conversation going.

Tonight, Darry had Ponyboy on his mind.

“Is he still walking into things?” Darry had told you about how clumsy and forgetful he had been recently, even more than usual.

“Not as much, and I’m really tryin’ to keep my promise to him and Soda that I wouldn’t yell as much anymore but he’s worrying me. We went through two whole legal pads last week because he’s holed up in his room, writing.”

“Writing about what? Something for school?”

“I think it started that way, but it’s more. He said it’s about us, the gang. About everything that happened. But…” he trails off, rubbing a hand down the side of his face. It makes a few of his hairs stick out, but doesn’t make him any less handsome. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“It might help,” You point out. “Maybe he needs to get it all out so he can start to move on.”

“I know. Soda says he feels things more than we do, and I’m tryin’ to remember it. But I worry about him when he’s too quiet, and then I worry if he’s talking too much, and it’s like I just don’t stop.”

“I think that means you’re doing a good job.” Darry’s brows furrow and for a wild moment you wish you could reach across the bench seat and smooth them out. “Those boys might not even realize it, but having someone at home worrying about them because they care so much? They are so lucky to have you Darry. To know you are always looking out for them. I wish I-“ you stop and look down at your hands twisting in your lap.

“You wish what?” Darry’s hand reaches across the bench seat and takes yours. You’ve said too much, you know it, but he gives your hand an encouraging squeeze and you look back at him.

“I wish I had someone at home who worried about me like that. It’s been…a while.”

“Since your mom took off?” He asked kindly. You had confided in him last week when he asked why he was always dropping you off at a dark house. You give a shake of your head and a sad smile.

“When she realized Dad’s talk of a big, beautiful life was just talk, she got bitter. And then distant. She used to smile all the time and we’d laugh and listen to the radio so loud that our neighbors would yell.” When you think about it, it doesn’t even feel like you were there. Like you are remembering someone else’s life. “But she stopped smiling and she stop caring. It was like she was gone even before she left.”

“But you didn’t get bitter and you didn’t stop caring about things. How?” Darry leans a little closer and you can smell his aftershave again. It’s quickly become one of your favorite scents in the world.

“Because I promised myself, I wouldn’t turn into that. I want more for my life. I want to be happy, even when it’s hard.” You sit for a minute, just looking at each other and Darry lifts his hand to tuck a stray hair behind your ear. Your breath hitches and you fight the urge to lean into his touch.

“You’re something special, you know that?” Darry says, so quietly you almost miss it.

A car backfires a few houses away, starling you both. You pick up your purse form the floor of the truck.

“Thanks again for driving me home.” He nods and you open the car door before you hear him call your name.

“I know you said you don’t have anyone caring at home. But for what’s it’s worth,” He rubs the back of his neck. “I care. I care about you.” You give him your brightest smile.

“That’s worth a whole lot.”

--

“You get paid yet?” Your dad asks as you push green beans around the skillet with a worn spatula.

“It’s only Wednesday,” you remind him.

“Listen, you know I hate to do this,” he starts and your stomach drops, knowing what’s coming. “But I just need a few bills, there’s a table that’s been really hot and I’ve got to get in on tonight before it cools off again.”

“Dad, I just sent out the water bill this morning and we still owe last month’s electric.”

“I’ll pay you back tomorrow, promise. Just put it on the table with dinner.” He leaves the kitchen and you close your eyes to keep the tears from overflowing.

You knew you had two singles in your wallet, but you didn’t have anything else to last you until Friday.

You’d have to dip into your California money again.

When you were a little kid, you used to listen to your grandfather’s stories about working on Route 66. How he dropped out of high school to get on the road crew, and how he did such a good job that they had him working on the whole thing. He would talk about California like this magical place, full of beaches and beautiful people and sunsets you wouldn’t even believe. But then his brother died, and he had to come back to help out the family, and he never made it back.

The stories stuck with you, and when you got your first Beach Boys record for Christmas one year, your fascination with the state grew. You checked out books about California from the library and found an old map of Route 66 that you kept tucked away in an empty shoebox on the top shelf of your closet. Whenever you came into a little extra money, which wasn’t often, you would hide it in that box.

Because one day, just maybe, you could see it for yourself. You could feel the sand between your toes and swim in the Pacific and watch the sun set over the ocean.

It was a secret dream, one you never shared, but you had a yellowing envelope of crumbled one- and five-dollar bills, just in case. 

--

“Did you see that?” You try not to startle Darry while he’s driving, but your voice comes out like a shout as you lean forward and stare out the windshield. “Darry, I swear I just saw a shooting star, you have to pull over!”

“A what?”

“Right there, you see where it’s dark?”

“It’s after eight at night, it’s dark all over.” But he pulls over the car and you nearly throw your door open in earnest. You were on one of the roads that led to the East Side, but this time of night was never that busy. Still, Darry walked around the truck and stood by your side as you pointed.

“Right there, I know it was right- THERE!” You shout excitedly and turn to Darry.

“Well, damn. I haven’t seen one of those in years.” He looks back and you and smiles, his real nice smile that you think could fix just about any problem in the world. “Since you saw it twice, does that mean you get two wishes?”

“Sure does, and I already made ‘em.” You playfully knock into his side, but he pulls you closer. It’s cold and your wool peacoat has seen better days, but you don’t feel chilly at all when you’re tucked into his side. “You know, you get a wish too.”

“Oh yeah?” he murmurs. “What if my wish is to take the pretty girl who works at a general store out to dinner tomorrow night?” You lift your head off his shoulder to look at him. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he looked nervous.

“Really?”

“I was planning on asking you when we got to your house tonight. I’d really like to take you out.” His face is close and the shiver that runs through you isn’t from the wind.

“Well that’s good.” You say carefully. “Because I’d really like to go out with you.”

‘Then it’s a date.” Darry says, his voice low and warm.

You both stand there for a while, just smiling at each other and for a wild moment you remember being fourteen and almost knocked out by a football. If only you could see yourself now.

Next: The date, and The Greasers (I've missed them)

[winniethewife]

Let the tides carry you back to me (Control x F!reader)

Part three: of High water: A Southern Reach Fanfiction

Last part

Words: 832

Control was a broken man. That much she knew from the first time she met his mother. Jackie Severance was not a warm person, and seemed to not care at all that her son had a girlfriend, or that her son existed in general. She was the most cold and distant person she had ever had the displeasure of meeting. The entire dinner Jackie asked very basic questions, where was she from, what did her parents do for a living, what was she studying, But she didn’t seem to care about the answers. She however noticed how much Control stiffened around his mother, only calling her mother, as if it was a formality, something expected of him. The whole night sat wrong with her. But pretty soon she figured out, that’s just how it was with Jackie. Every time they saw her, which wasn’t often, she was like that. Very little to say, and never anything about her. By the time that she went with control to announce their engagement she wasn’t even shocked that the woman didn’t seem to care.

“I hope the wedding goes well, You know I’ll be too busy to attend.” She had said. Control looked hurt, but unsurprised. She however felt a rage in her chest that she had never felt before. When they got home she nearly exploded.

“She’s your mother! And she can’t even find time to come to your wedding?” She had shouted bewildered. Control was eerily calm about it. He was used to being disappointed by his mother. The idea that she wouldn’t likely make time to be at his wedding didn’t surprise him. He would be more surprised if she would make the time for such an occasion.

“I wouldn’t want her there any way.” He lied. She knew, but she didn’t say anything, she loved him so much, but she knew lying to himself was the way he coped with this part. With the neglect, with the distance. The wedding would be small, but good, Controls father would attend, but leave early. Jackie called, and sent her best wishes in a voicemail.

Over the years she would anchor him in the rocky sea that would be his career, his attempt to do what his mother did. Failed attempts at field work. At some point he was doing research work for The Southern Reach. Files of paper work would pile up on their dining room. Pictures on a corkboard in their office. A paper with 11th expedition written on it pinned above several pictures of a group of men. Whenever she entered the office her eyes were drawn to the young man on the far left, dark brown eyes and a curly mop of hair five o’clock shadow. He looked vaguely familiar, one of those faces, she guessed. The whole thing seemed to really bother Control, It didn’t help that he wasn’t at liberty to talk any of this over with his wife.  There were more evenings on the floor with his head in her lap as he tried to bare the weight of it all alone. She knew she couldn’t ask, she knew he couldn’t tell her, but she was growing tired of this.

“Control, you know I’ll always be here, I’ll always support you in whatever you want to do, but, I think you need to tell her no.” She spoke softly but with a steely determination. He had just returned from seeing his mother, she wanted him go run this operation for The Southern Reach. To her it sounded like a terrible idea, well everything about The Southern Reach sounded bad to her, and all she was really allowed to know about it was what it was called.

“Can I? Is it possible to tell her no?” He asked, his brow furrowed, his eyes filled with the conflict inside.

“You can always tell her no, she doesn’t run your life, Control. You don’t have to do as she says, you can just…stay here, stay with me, stay safe.” She wasn’t one to plead or beg for anything, but keeping her love safe was more important to her than her pride. Control knew this, and to see her like this was enough to convince him that he needed to do something he had never done before.

“For you darling? For you I would jump in the ocean and, hoping to come back to your shores. I’ll figure out a way to stay if you want me to. Come hell or High water.” He spoke with reverence, like she was the only goddess he’d ever prayed to, or ever would. He reaches up to caress her face in a familiar motion.

“Come hell or High water? Well, I hope I can the light house that brings you to shore. Safely home to me.” She leans into his touch looking into his eyes. Maybe he was broken, maybe he wasn’t like other men, and maybe he was odd. But he was hers.

~

Masterlist

Taglist: @silvernight-m @boredzillenial @reallyrallyauthor @ominoose

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

my re4r analysis  (spoilers for gameplay, story/plot, characters, aeon)

analysis here is without information about separate ways for re4r so please keep that in mind as my opinion may (and will mostly likely) change slightly 

(for my separate ways analysis read here)

gameplay

It very much falls in line with a newer modern interpretation of the series. There’s gameplay that caters to new and old audiences. If you’ve already played re4, you’ll still find re4r enjoyable as well.

the dark and moody look to the game is so well done and overall the visual designs are beautiful and devastating stunning.

there is still a considerable amount of things cut that I don’t think was detrimental to the overall gameplay style. 

the lack of QTEs was a good thing, and the parry system was the perfect way to allow players a new way of playing resident evil games. 

each chapter felt like the right amount of time, and has an amazing amount of replayability.

Because of the open world nature of the game, there are many possibilities to miss things and I’ve seen many people accidentally miss things because they rushed their first playthrough or didn’t bother to check every single little thing.

og re4 players can play on standard or hardcore and still have an INCREDIBLY difficult time finishing the game with a good rank

there’s still a bit of adaptive difficult, if you’re on hardcore and continue dying, it will help you out and switch to assisted if it’s continual deaths. 

story/plot

pacing was very well done, but again, some scenes were removed for a lot of characters and i wish they were still included in some way

the changing of luis was JUST the right about of lore that was needed to flesh out a more cohesive story. why we want to know more about him and why he’s doing what he’s doing. (this also leads to why we need separate ways and how he works with Ada)

a lot of people tend to not read the notes but you are missing a lot of the story that way.

It does feel like a few things are missing, (again maybe it will be better with separate ways) but particularly with krauser I feel like a lot is missing)

I also laughed too hard at the “fight”-xposition (exposition + fight)

there were a few retcons with how the scenarios worked out but i either liked them or felt indifferent about it

characters

leon 

I actually initially disliked the attitude change they gave for Leon. He seemed so rude and distant, even from Ashley. Og re4 he was incredibly sweet to ashley, his voice getting higher and more gentle sounding. Whereas in re4r, Leon just ignores Ashley a lot of the time. He’s cold and it may be a facade he plays to get over the trauma he had gone through.

(Although I do like the scene where Leon comforts Ashley because she’s upset after she “changed” and attacked him. It was the right amount of comfort needed with a bit of humor as well.)

He doesn’t want to feel anything good, maybe he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. It’s a much colder interpretation of Leon (think Vendetta Leon) In the end, I don’t really hate it, but I wish we got to see some sweetness with him. He was nice to Ashley one time, Luis only when he was dying, and Ada when he lets her go after their initial meeting. (It’s the first time he smiles in the game- when he sees Ada.) 

I kinda miss the canonical cheek scar Leon has from og re4 that is still there in re6. I guess this cut is retconned for the newer timeline. 

I’m still a fan of Nick for Leon’s voice but I will say that I much enjoy him as re2r Leon as opposed to re4r. It’s still obviously familiar to me, and although I still think he did decent work, I am still a fan of Matt Mercer for Leon as he was the one I fell in love with first. 

His design is good as well, and I don’t mind the slight alterations. 

Ada

Now a lot of people think that her character has been completely changed and or “ruined,” but I really think that capcom had decided to work on Ada’s “redemption arc” as soon as humanly possible in the canon. 

I do like that she seemed more like a person in this interpretation. She’s not constantly putting on the “Sexy spy lady,” facade. And since a LARGE majority of RE fans outside of aeon stans, still to this day think of Ada as an “evil” woman. I think it’s fine that capcom decided to get her to show more of an emotional side, that she does pine over Leon. And that despite her job, she still tries to help Leon. (but people who play Separate Ways or her re6 campaign, would KNOW that Ada continually and consistently tries to help Leon and save him.)

Even though she had “more screen time” in re4r than in og re4, I do miss the few scenes that were removed with her.

Lily’s expressions for Ada are SO incredibly heartbreaking and oh boy did they push up the angst. 

Lily’s voice for Ada grew on me more and more, she she has a coldness that makes sense for her character’s growth and development. The fact that men were thinking she’s not sexy enough is more of a them problem than anything.

Because Ada’s re4r design is incredibly hot and sexy and I 100% think capcom decided to keep her almost entirely covered with clothing to keep her from being overly sexualized. (And her old outfit didn’t make sense for the cold weather but... I digress.) 

Ashley

I don’t know how they managed to do it but they made her an extremely likeable person. She’s ambitious but scared. Terrified but excited. She’s the perfect self insert :P BUT yes, I do enjoy how they changed her and allowed to somewhat be able to be more capable.

She does “flirt” with Leon a lot but I barely blame her. But her subtle hints at flirting go on deaf ears lol As Leon continually ignores her or rebuffs her statements. And furthermore calls her a kid/young girl twice when talking about her in third person. 

A lot of people still think that Ashley’s just being nice to Leon rather than flirting, which is also fair. We need to have more platonic relationships in games, and the fact that capcom explicitly removed the ability to hold Ashley’s hand because they didn’t want the relationship to be interpreted as romantic says a lot. (I didn’t care much for the removal, but it made the few times that they did hold hands make it seem more friend like rather than romantic, I do agree with that.)

Even towards the end of the game when Ashley asks for Leon for her protective detail, he still turns her down. “You don’t need me.” Rather he encourages her to protect herself. 

I think her AI was a bit dodgy at times, it’s so easy to get her killed. Too easy imo. And having her downed all the time was a bit annoying. Even in good playthroughs that I watched, people lost Ashley after she died over something really stupid.

Luis

WE love love love more lore and backstory. The fact Luis helped to make nemesis??? WOW

His banter with Leon and Ada (god I’m hoping for more in separate ways) is SO SO good, and he’s so flirty and unserious at times, which makes his death so much more upsetting. He’s trying so hard to atone for his sins and even from the beginning we can already see he’s very similar to Ada. Wanting to do good despite all the red in his ledger. he wants to make amends in any way possible. 

Also Luis has smokes later!! Did Ada remember?? Where did he get the smokes from :’)

The switch from Ada to Luis, saving Leon in that fight made me like Luis more, but also a bit sad that this scene was cut from Ada. Especially since capcom has a habit of favoring their male characters as opposed to their women characters.

Jack Krauser

I initially did not like his voice. It just seemed odd to me, but once I had more information on why the actor decided to go that way. it kind of made sense for his character. That he was “silenced,” in some way so that it actually affected his vocals. His rasp that’s not sexy but damaged sounding. 

His design is.. interesting.. I made a point to realize that he looks like a messed up Matt Donovan from TVD, and i can’t unsee that so that’s great LOL

His scenes are a bit lackluster, the only one I really liked was when he showed up after killing Luis.

That man is not straight.

Hunnigan

I do not like that she was basically gone for the entire rest of the game after she loses connection with Leon. She doesn’t even get confirmation at the end of the game if Leon and Ashley are even safe. I felt like they really did her dirty imo.

LOVED her redesign though she is gorgeous 

it’s wesking time

I WANT EVERYONE TO GET OVER THE FACT HE DOESN’T SOUND LIKE WESKER. We (og fans) know that Ada is talking to Wesker at her second? scene, and it would’ve been way too obvious to viewers that it was Wesker if he was like MMRHRHAAHWWW YESSSSS IM WESKERRRRR IT’S WESKING TIME KITTENWHISKERSMEEYAEAAHSSS That bit of his voice is JUST enough for me to still read it as Wesker. And the banter between Wesker and Ada. 

“Don’t come crying to me when you get bit.” “Control your dog.” OH MY GOD. Ada’s, “He’s a good boy, predictable.”

This also removes the whole fight with Ada and Wesker though. “I don’t play by your rules Wesker,” so I don’t really know how I feel about that, but in saying that, this ALSO fleshes out the relationship between Wesker and Ada. The fact that Wesker already knows about Leon and Ada in THAT kind of context makes me WOW.

Did Ada go crying to Wesker about Leon before? OH MY GOD SO GOOD

I also think his redesign is good, tbh most of the redesigns were UP >>>> as opposed to og re4

The Merchant

Every single playthrough I watched, everyone wanted to kill the merchant and found him annoying lol

He kind of grew on me and I do like his voice even though people hated it because it wasn’t a carbon copy from og re4

whatareyabuyin?

The Enemies

I don’t want to go into every single enemy type so 

the ones that scared me the most were Armaduras and the Regeneradors

At some point during the game, the enemies are a bit repetitive but at the end it’s not that much of a complaint since you’re still hit with new enemies a lot. 

I HATE THE BUG ONES even though those are the easiest to kill they just scared me randomly the most

“IF YOU CAN MELEE A BUG- IT’S TOO DAMN BIG.”

aeon

now ever since the game came out people have been asking me my opinions on aeon “do i think the ship is ruined?” etc.

Absolutely not. If anything, it helped the ship. 

OG re series had Leon be this flirtatious, (often times cringe) type of ladies man, where it kind of doesn’t make sense? 

“I’m a one lady type of guy.” Is a complete retcon from og Leon. (This is also since his gf in re2 is retconned in re2r, and his flirting with Hunnigan is also retconned. And he’s outright mean to Ashley a lot in re4r tbh or just ignores her. He’s also a bit rude to Ada (which is actually more justified tbh since he’s angry with her, but he doesn’t have a reason to be mean to Ashley.)

We have to remember that between 1998 and 2004 is 6 years of NO CONTACT FOR THEM. Leon thinks Ada is dead. And he’s had 6 years of trauma, mental anguish and survivors guilt. Which heavily affects Leon and how he interacts with the world. He’s just genuinely a lot meaner. He sees the world as broken still. And when she just shows up alive, he’s allowed to be angry. Instead of having re4 Leon just be like

“Your right hand comes off?” “No THANKS BRO.” He still has some one liners here and there, but he’s not as goofy as fuck anymore. He’s more grounded. (And you’re completely allowed to enjoy re4 more than re4r, that’s an okay opinion to have imo.) I firmly believe that both can still be enjoyed.

Now for Ada we have, is what I believe is what capcom intended for her. She was immediately labeled as “an evil woman,” and nothing else. And capcom wanted to get rid of that idea immediately. “Nothing personal Leon,” she is just doing her job. And in that ending she betrays Wesker as soon as she realizes that he’s going to kill billions of people. She may have a questionable moral compass but ultimately she’ll do what she thinks is better. And she KNOWS THIS. She’s very much the lesser of two evils type when it comes to her work.

“Have you changed Ada?” “What do you think?” She wants her actions to be louder than her words. She never has her finger on the trigger when she first sees Leon. (re2, she never had bullets left in her chamber when she threatened him with her gun) 

She invites him onto the helicopter knowing that Leon would say no. She even has the back up with the keys and bear (thank you capcom for the bear) Capcom clearly wanted to show that Ada still wants him, even in ways that general audiences couldn’t see. (Where as aeon stans who played separate ways, and her re6 campaign, already know that Ada tries to save him whenever she can. Same with Damnation. She warns him and does what she can to get away.)

I think the whole banter of “you owe me,” is simply a way to continue their relationship, that there’s a promise of seeing each other again. 

I’m honestly not the hugest fan of the whole marvel “WE SAID THE THING :D” because true og fans know that separate ways is Ada’s campaign. BUT it serves for the angst. We know that we don’t see aeon on screen till damnation which is another 6 years but the developers have already stated that their lives continued on off screen as well. That’s where we get the re5 off screen “that night.” 

When the developers were remaking the games, they knew that the whole re2 “They fell in love immediately,” and then they said, “that’s not right, there needs to be more interaction first.” Which COMPLETELY goes with where capcom is going with a more realistic interaction of the ship. 

The fact that they flipped the “she’s like a part of me I can’t let go,” to “HE’S like a part of me I can’t let go,” is a BIG change for how capcom is interpreting their relationship and expressing it WAY MORE CLEARLY that Ada is interested. 

A LOT of people still see Ada as someone who doesn’t care about Leon, which is the furthest thing from the truth. The fact that Capcom felt the need to do the reversal really shows that they always intended for the ship to be mutual. That it was merely their lifestyles and jobs that would make it difficult for their relationship to work. Which is what AEON FANS ALWAYS KNEW.

But this is for outsiders, new fans who don’t have all that information. That the slightest bit of a redemption arc, and VISIBLE hurt from Ada from Leon’s “rejection,” is what people needed to see to see that they are still mutually interested in each other. 

Even after receiving the bear keychain, Leon still looks longingly at Ada as she flies away. He doesn’t question her, he simply accepts the fact that their jobs make it so that he can not follow her. 

And reminder again we have 6 YEARS to flesh out what happens next.

Overall, I still very much enjoyed the game, I feel like a few things were missing but not entirely enough so that I felt like parts were missing, more like beats were missing. But again, with separate ways, we’ll maybe get to see more of the other side of the story.

gameplay 8/10

story/plot 9/10

characters 7/10

aeon 8/10

overall 32/40

and as leon said it,

“take it however you like it.”

[jtl07]

jt (finally) watches warrior nun - s1 e5 & e6

All right, I'm just going to combine my thoughts for episodes 5 and 6, and again, going to focus on Beatrice because I have some frustrations with these two episodes as a whole (for some thoughts, see my e5 rewrite; still working on the e6 rewrite) - I can see what they’re trying to do and I appreciate it but ... that's a different post.

Anyway. Let’s talk about Beatrice! The thing that sticks with me in these two episodes are just how angry she’s become - yes, it’s wrapped up in this cool exterior and that seemingly angelic smile but she is just itching to fight - and she does a bit, here.

(Side note: Beatrice is kinda like Ava in that regard, actually - how quick they are to throw down. The difference is that Beatrice a) knows what she’s doing when she fights and b) has been conditioned, trained to think analytically, strategically. Not to say that Ava can’t or doesn’t learn - Bea just has more experience)

The key scene in episode 5 is that brilliant conversation with Duretti. But I think part of what makes that scene brilliant is how it contrasts with her scene with Vincent previous to this. With Vincent, Beatrice allows herself to be uncertain, to question, trusts Vincent to give her an honest answer. (Again, brilliant writing in terms of setting up Vincent’s betrayal - it’s only when you look closely that you see how he’s playing everyone) In fact, one thing that I couldn't help but notice: she fidgets with her hands during the conversation. For someone usually so outwardly confident, she allows herself to just be a young woman seeking advice with Vincent.

Then we have Beatrice with Duretti. From the jump, Beatrice is distant - she even tries to dismiss herself at the start, after loading the shield into the transport. But she unfortunately isn't able to escape. She stays distant as Duretti tries to build rapport - "You've read my dossier" as if implying 'anyone can do that, I know what you're doing.' She even puts literal arm's distance between them:

Contrast this with her scene with Vincent, where she allows herself to bend - it's not a lot, but it's there:

And then Duretti does his spiel. I just want to give KTY all of the props for putting so many layers into how she stays so chilly in the face of his compliments, not to mention her delivery. The simple, “Turmoil, sir?” is just so great:

(I wish I knew how to make gifs lol, but this captures her suspicious face good enough)

Also one thing I didn't notice before about her "to God" line is how much of a threat it is:

And all these layers is what makes me love this whole conversation. The first time I watched this properly, my thought was, "oh snap, this is not a smart play" - because Beatrice has essentially shown her hand here. Even though it’s coated in the language of a believer, both she and Duretti know what she's really saying.

But after watching it again (because I kept missing the timing for my screenshots lol), I realized that this is Beatrice also playing Duretti for information - or rather confirmation. Remember that right before this scene, she was questioning Vincent about the whole change of direction under Duretti. And here, she's getting him to tell her what he wants of her, what his intentions are.

And she gets what she wants - she gets him to be "forthright" with her, and it riles her way up. It reminded me a lot of episode 4 where she calls out Lilith in the middle of the mission. My thoughts there were that her anger is being fueled by fear - and I think that’s the same in this scene with Duretti. Loyalty seems to be the trigger - which makes sense given her background. She found her purpose in the OCS, has given her life to the OCS. And now this man presumes to take control of it? And have her swear fealty to him? No wonder Beatrice is so riled up: he’s threatening what she sees is her way of life - her very existence.

And so in the face of that, she essentially goes over his head, jumps the chain of command so to speak, puts her loyalty in God. It’s both a thinly veiled “f you” to Duretti and a genuine expression of Beatrice’s faith, but also I think it’s a look again into how Beatrice sees herself. That all she has is her service, that her allegiance, and her salvation, lies in Him. I think that’s brilliant in the face of what she ends up going through, especially in s2, how she learns to serve herself, to find salvation in life (and Ava).

Now regarding episode 6, I know Beatrice is only present at the end of the episode to pick up Mary but it’s a curious thing - because while Mary tells Ava that she’s safe here, that the OCS doesn’t know she’s there, when Mary gets picked up, Mary doesn’t try to get Ava to hide or anything. Which makes me wonder: Did Mary do that because she knew Beatrice wouldn’t say anything? I don’t believe that she would do something like that without thinking of Ava’s safety.

We also don’t get any conversation on camera of Mary telling Beatrice to keep Ava’s location a secret - from the way their exchange goes, it gives the impression that there wasn’t much talk during that ride back to Cat’s Cradle. There’s an intensity to Beatrice in this scene that's palapable (which is hella impressive on KTY’s part given that she had only seconds on screen) - I mean, her face when she’s looking at, I’m assuming, Ava in the side mirror:

It’s hard to know what she’s thinking here, and when she speaks to Mary too. The terseness of her words, the shortness of it - “She coming?” isn’t even a proper sentence, now that I think about it. While she trusts Mary, there’s an anger there, but it makes me wonder, is it directed at Ava? At herself? At the whole situation? I also wonder if Beatrice even knows about Lilith at this point - and if she does, is that also a layer in this delivery?

It’s intriguing and sets up very well the fact that the relationship between Beatrice and Ava is very much hard won, that there's many things they have to build together yknow?

Anyway, lmk what y'all think, otherwise, very much looking forward to episode 7!

[horizon-verizon]

Do you think Helaena has an opinion on the whole Blacks vs Greens situation and the impending war? Do you think she truly believes in the Green cause or just goes along with what they do because she has no choice? From what I’ve seen, Helaena is mostly regarded as merely an “innocent” by both sides of the fandom, I’ve seen neither Team Green or Team Black people say that they think Helaena has either negative or positive feelings towards the Blacks.

In my opinion, it is unlikely that she has negative feelings towards the Blacks despite Alicent spewing her poison, because she happily toasted to Baela and Rhaena in 1x08, who she must know where involved in the fight that took her brother Aemond’s eye, and she also agreed to dance with her nephew Jace, and it seemed to be the first time in a long time where she was truly happy. I also remember her smiling a little when Viserys showed up to defend Rhaenyra against Vaemond. I honestly think that Helaena might wish that she could be closer to her family members from the Black side, and I don’t buy that Aemond treats her all that well either.

Aemond might be gentle with her and defend her from Aegon, but he clearly hates his relatives from the Black side more than he cares about her, given how he interrupted her happy dance with Jace by slamming his fist on the table so he could mock his nephews. Helaena deserves so much better. She was just born into the Greens. I don’t think she actually agrees with what they are doing, especially because she can see the future at times as well, which means she might be able to see all of their tragic fates which are caused by her mother and grandfather’s schemes.

Helaena is not a real player in this whole thing, even in the book. And I think that she likely just wished everyone will get along but knew it will never happen. Both in book and show. The book, written by a maester in a patriarchal society, emphasizes her gentleness and how others thought that trait would work well for motherhood.

In-world & in the greens' schemes, she is a means to:

legitimize and strengthen Aegon’s image and rule

(later events I won't spoil) draw more sympathy for the greens due to how vulnerable her neurodivergence makes her to societal and familial dismissal

a means for Condal/the writers to both add some more mysticism for this fantasy-less show (where are the damn dragons?!)

validate Aegon I’s prophecy and its unnecessary narrative role in HotD (the prophecy may be an element of fantasy but for the purpose of this particular story, it was both unnecessary AND the show writers try to use it as a means to diminish Rhaenyra's willingness to fight back aginst the greens whether that mean the actual usrpation or in one of many of the smaller conflicts before then, bcit's paired w/her guilt, her need to perform as aruler her neglectful & ineffective father said a ruler should be, etc.)

appeal to people justifiably looking for neurodivergent representation in their media and make the show more attractive

I really can’t see Helaena as hateful towards the Blacks. 

The show gives us no real indication that she despises or dislikes any of them because she doesn’t give them any particular look nor does she interact with any of them at all until she dances with Jacaerys. Happily and with more life in her than she ever had with any Green, I might add.

Of course, she would not be close to any Black because Alicent would have kept her away from them for most of her life (not that the jump cut between episodes 5 & 6 helps). But since Helaena seems very distant from Alicent and Otto treats her both “better” than he does his grandsons and a bit condescendingly as if she were a child or he was entertaining a cute puppy’s burst of energy, I would go out on a limb and see her as being a sort of innocent bystander in her own world. 

Otto has no real stake in her behavior apart from her giving Aegon kids and staying quiet and out of the way. Which she usually does from what we get to see.

This is also why, I guess, people also feel her adaptation into being a prophet makes sense and is good. But I already have my problems with her TV characterization (POST & POST). 

About Aemond Defending Her

This is the script piece of episode 7:

Aegon: We have nothing in common.

Aemond: She’s our sister.

Aegon: You marry her, then.

Aemond: I would perform my duty, if mother had only betrothed us.

Aegon: If only.

Aemond: It would strengthen the family. Keep our Valyrian blood pure.

And he looks for a bit longer than necessary at Helaena without directly engaging with her. 

Before Alicent pops up in her room to see her, Helaena also recites in episode 9 that: “It is our fate, I think, to crave always what is given to another. If one possesses a thing, the other will take it away”. So folks heard Aegon and Aemond’s words, the latter’s look at Helaena in the 7th episode, and Helaena’s words here all show a potential or certain reality where he is secretly infatuated with her and she knows of it through her extra sight. 

They might see Aemond as more sympathetic or morally better than Daemon since that Aemond is also trying to prove himself, and Helaena-- being his sister (Targ custom and Targness) and his older brother’s neglected wife--also would bring him closer to the throne if only Aegon hadn’t existed. Poor Aemond. He has to work for a brother who doesn’t appreciate the position he is in: has the birth order, the girl, the support from the grandfather and the Hightowers.

In episode 8, I think that if you are one to think he is in love with or infatuated with Helaena, you’re inclined to think he got angry for many reasons: 

Lucerys goaded him

he is upset/flabbergasted that Alicent called a cease fire despite the years she’s been telling them all Rhaenyra needs to be usurped/killed and is trying to begin the process of reorienting his life’s mission

Jace is taking all of Helaena’s attention

or/and Jacaerys purposely danced with Helaena just to get back at Aegon for his incessant goading. 

Rather than him just wanting to get back at Lucerys. 

One problem with that Aemond would have to be a lot more explosively angry than what he’s been portrayed so far. Like how he is canonically.

Another problem is that, as you pointed out, Aemond of HotD AND Fire and Blood really care about proving himself more than Show! and Book!Daemon did. (POST, POST, POST & POST).

Final problem is that we do not get a scene with them together alone where we can gauge how he thinks of her and vice versa in a more concrete way after watching episode 7.

We’re given this suggestion of romantic feelings, but nothing afterwards to really cement or negate it.

Perhaps Condal doesn’t even know what to do about this supposed ship himself yet.

[fruit-salad-ship]

So sorry, you’re gonna pull through. Maybe a cute fluff idea in the vampire au? Thinking Peach and Plum got in a fight, Plum said something that hurt Peach and Peach runs off to be alone, Plum thinking Peach is just angry but she’s really hurt.

Grey can tell the difference but doesn’t say anything, he just goes to find Peach, who he finds in a mostly unused room curled up in a corner, wings raised in a kind of bubble around her. He goes and sits close to her, tells her he knows she wants space and he won’t push but will just hang out to let her know he understands and wants to help. She eventually pulls back a wing slightly and lets him in to hold her.

Maybe Plum starts to feel guilty later and goes looking for her, sees them cuddled in the corner. Peach doesn’t notice but Grey makes eye contact and nods her in. Plum nervously makes her apology, tells Peach she can have her space but Plum is ready to hear her whenever she’s ready.

She turns to leave but Peach reaches out to stop her and pulls her into the cuddle pile, and they all just sit and breathe for a while.

(Oh dang it now I’m crying too I’m so sorry)

Why is it alwasy the vampire prompts that get me haha

Thank you for concerns, I will be ok, alwasy am.

That night, as the moon sat in a waned position, hardly any light from its thin slice, Peach couldn't help but recall a handful of very distant memories. She could not remember her family, or her friends, nor the name of her home town. The streets she played in as a kid didn't exist anymore, and the apple trees she use to climb, toppled and rotted many centuries prior to this night. And yet, no matter what she did, she could not get the smell of damp and mould from her nose, nor the irritation that bubbled up recalling the endless dripping, echoing around the cold stone room she once fondly referred to as her 'tomb', a dark and isolated place, the den of the vampire who ended her life.

These memories were some of the first set in her mind once she'd been turned. They did not fade, though she truly wished after all this time, that they would.

In the dark of the night, she hunkered down in the comfort of her own wings as they wrapped around her, creating the only saftey she recalled being able to turn to, a covered nook to sink into and try to dissapear. The room she was in was dusty, dry, unused mostly, a space littered with items gathered from the years she'd spent wandering, none meaning very much of anything to her anymore.

It must have been a while that she was sat in silence, recalling the row from earlier that day, fateful words slipping from Plum's mouth that just seemed to sting a little more coming from her. Before long, the room was flooded with a path of light, door opening out into the hall, footsteps entering before the door shut again.

Grey, his heavy footfall was unmistakable, she didnt need to look to see who it was, she heard him come up the stairs and linger by the door for a minute prior to this.

"Go away." About all she could say, tucking up tighter in her wings, but he still continued to settle on the floor next to her, crossing his legs, sighing.

"She didnt mean it." He shifted to get comfortable, leant against a box.

"She did, and she was right to say it. I'm not mad at her, i'm mad at me. Just go do whatever it is you humans do these days, leave me alone." She shifted to face further away from the large man, hoping he'd get the hint.

"She's not right, you're not-" "A monster?" Peach finished his scentence, shooting him a cold leer over one shoulder, before tucking the wing on that side up more, hiding further. "I am, she's right. I just didnt like to hear it from her." an honest moment, feeling a single weird thud in her chest that didnt happen much anymore, the heartbeat long dead, giving her a kick, a brief moment of feeling something akin to guilt, maybe grief, or sorrow? She couldn't recall.

"I don't really remember what it's like to be human anymore, can't imagine you can look at me and see anything other than a beast from a story book. Something to be feared." Her gaze lingered on the distant stars, the moon the same as the night everything changed, that much she could not forget.

"When I was one of you, I carried a sword, and marched with my troop, we fought together, laughed together, did everything as a team, a family." Peach's memories only recalled their faces as she last saw them, turning her stomach a little. "We went to investigate witchcraft claims, and got ambushed by something we did not understand, now of course, I know it was a Vampire, but back then we assumed it a devil, a demon. Guess it kind of was..." Her wings relaxed a little, face peaking out, staring off out the window, the sting of tears unusual for her, perfectly able to push them back, forget that feeling and focus on feeling nothing at all. "It killed every one of my group, the captain pushed me out the way of claws and I watched him get torn to shreds, every time I turned, another of my family fell in battle. Through nothing but dumb luck, I was the last one standing. For surviving the longest, and taking fearful swings at the vampire who attacked us despite impending death, I was 'gifted' this." She glanced down to her hands, their clawed forms so similar to that of the woman who'd turned her, this elegant creature you'd look at and assume was a lady of a rich and noble house.

So clearly that night would repeatedly play in her head, every other memory foggy and faded, but those moments never went away. A futile swing to keep the Vampire back, watching it catch the sword in its delicate hands, snap the blade as if it we're a twig, before throwing it across the battlefield like nothing. Disarmed and alone, Peach thought for sure she would die there, dropping to her knees in defeat, sweat and blood mixed with the dirt and light rain. The faces of her comrades were all drained of life, each member of her family tossed to the ground like ragdolls around her, gone. Rage like nothing she'd ever felt before swept her back up on her feet, a dagger drawn, rushing the elegant form of her attacker that glided closer by the second. She did not see the vampire move, did not see the talons come into range, not until the sting of pain came, and a resistance held her in place, face to face with this creature as it grinned, its features long and hauntingly beautiful, splattered with blood, not a hair out of place.

Looking down now, there was no sign of the damage as she hunkered under her wings, no remainder of the mark left from that attack, in a flash it felt like she was sitting on that floor again that night, glancing at the claws dug striaght into her chest, punctured right through the gear she donned, shards of metal stabbing inward, if it wasnt for her pounding heart she’d have been more aware of the crack of bones in her chest. She took a rattled breath and felt a lung start to fill with liquid, the shock of the pain setting in. The dagger was dropped as her entire body got thrown back with what seemed like no effort at all, despite the sheer difference in size between her, and this thin long woman.

Her last memory from being human was her face, the vampire who changed everything. Peach was willing to die there, accepted it, looked up at the clouds, felt the rain on her skin, and let the raspy breaths draw shorter, a moment of peace as the clouds gave way to the moon, same thin crescent she was looking at now, sitting near this human who refused to leave. She'd been quietly contemplating her past for a while, looking over to Grey who was also staring up at the sky with her, no words. He reminded her of one of them, one of those fine soldies she use to trave with, something so familiar. Perhaps that's why she was drawn to him in the first place.

Her hand, despite its dangerous apperance, gently touched his, one wing creeping back to fold neatly behind her, the other starting to recede too. She put her head on his shoulder, stayed there for a moment. He was warm, a nice change from her ice cold body.

"When I think of a monster, I think of the woman who turned me. I spent a long time trapped in her den, this damp stone room with no light, no windows, no way to tell how much time was passing, she kept me under lock and key until I did what she asked, for god knows how long. She took everything, and left me a shadow of her own image. What scares me, is that you two look at me, and think i'm capabale of the same thing."

"We don't, you're not like that. We've seen you with the police scanner up at night, listening in for domestic violence calls, preying on those who are actually in the wrong. You even learnt to use the internet just to trawl around looking for local hate groups, so you don't hurt anyone who's actually a decent human. A monster woudln't care enough to do that." His big arm snuck around her shoulder, pulling her in tight for a hug. It was a moment that warmed her, literally and metaphorially, not a thing she felt often, revelling in it briefly.

The door behind them creaked open a little Peach didn't turn to look, instinctivly pulling away from Grey, putting her wings up again to hide from sight.

This time, light footsteps entered, a familiar scent of perfume following soon after. The form crouched down close to the wall of wing that hid their undead housemate away. Plum had heard the conversation from out in the hallway, the guilt of her hot headed comment from earlier setting in like lead, and now, with Grey giving her a 'go on' look, she took a breath.

"I'm sorry, what I said earlier, it was unfair, I got so mad about the broken teapot I just lost my cool. It was too far..." Peach did not exit her hidden position, didnt even move, nor utter a single word. After a few moments, Plum got back to her feet, a heavy pang of sorrow seeping in as she turned to leave, but a hand grabbed hers. It was ice cold, and soft. She tracked it back to the wings, having snuck out from under one, feeling the air aroud the room move, ruffling her hair a little as that same big sail slowly retracted back and folded up, followed by the other. Peach, hesitant at first, gave a little tug on her hand, glancing from the corner of her eye at the human, who gave a weak smile in return.

Plum returned to the floor, crawled into her lap, much to Peach's surprise, and wrapped her arms around the woman's neck tightly. Shortly after, Grey scooped them both up, getting use to sneaking an arm under the wings to drag the woman back easier.

The dark dusty room laiden with items from the past, now contained the future, and there was a distinct few seconds where Peach silently begged to retain these memories, prayed they'd stay long enough to recall fondly one day.

[nikkiruncks]

Can I please have a Gwikki (Gwen x Nikki) endgame post please?

Like I said, I suggest not reading if you hate spoilers.

In my verse, I already started by having them interact in my rewrite of "The Rave" with some post Rave-pre Step by Step interactions and kept their interactions in "Step by Step" along with some implications and background moments in "The Birthday Girl". In "Boyfriend Day 1", Nikki would confide in Gwen about Nate would be acting (i remember u mentioning something about a while back). Gwen would roll her eyes and how ridiculous he's acting. At this point, they are friends and have feelings for each other but kinda in denial about them.

They'd also have really cute background moments and scenes that show their friendship and how much they care for each other. And then on the day Gwen catches Leia and Nate almost kiss, she tells her about her feelings for Nikki and their secret friendship. Leia asks her not to tell Nikki as she wants to do it herself. Gwen is torn because Leia has been her best friend since childhood, but at the same time, Nikki deserved to know.

There’d be some moments where Nikki would wonder why Nate was distant and Gwen would be very close to telling her right away. (This is off topic but related to the events going on but Leia would choose neither of them because she wants to focus on herself (tho she’s in love with Jay and with Nate, she thinks he’s nice, but Jay is the one who makes her heart beat. Nate would also say that it was a faze and escape and agree.)) One day, Gwen and Leia would be on a phone call and Leia would tell her about everything and Nikki is coming in to see Gwen but then overhears them talk about the almost kiss.

Nate would come in and Nikki would confront him and get angry at him and at Gwen for not telling her and then break things off. Nikki then sleeps with Jay out of anger and vengeance. Betsy would catch them and help cover for them. She’d also help Nikki with picking out clothes. Nikki would then explain everything and express her hurt. Betsy would catch on to the fact that she seems more hurt that Gwen didn’t tell her than anything else. Nikki would then tell her about how she feels about Gwen but thinks Gwen doesn’t feel the same way.

Gwen and Nikki sorta make up (idk) but basically, Betsy wouldn’t but into their business but at the same time, she wouldn’t say anything either. Jay and Leia would be talking a lot more and he’d tell her. Leia wouldn’t be thrilled about him and Nikki, but at the same time, she’s like ‘He’s single. He can sleep with who he wants.’ She’d tell Gwen, who get a little jealous.

Betsy would overhear their conversation and tell Gwen about what Nikki told her, encouraging her to be honest. Gwen would head to Nikki’s house. She’d be about to tell Nikki, but since Nikki would still be hurt, she’d tried to put her walls up and attempt to push her away. Gwen would be hurt and express that, which would then break down Nikki’s walls. She’d cry and tell her how hurt she was humiliating it was for her to find out about the almost kiss the way she did and how hurt she felt that Gwen lied so easily.

Gwen would rebut that it wasn’t easy for her to lie to Nikki. Nikki would look down, about to reveal her feelings but at the same time, didn’t want to be humiliated. Gwen would insist on wanting to hear what she has to say, moving closer to Nikki. They’d end up having sex right there. They’d end up saying how much they missed each other. Gwen would start to apologize about the whole thing but Nikki would stop her and say she doesn’t have to and that she understands why Gwen didn’t tell her. Gwen would still insist that she wished Nikki didn’t have had to find out that way. Basically, there’d be a lot of fluff.

After that, they’d see each other in class, glancing and smiling at each other. Nate would be going on trying to ‘win her back’, making them roll their eyes. Gwen and Nikki would then talk alone and decide to start dating. They want to tell other people, but want to protect themselves and figure their relationship out. They’d also overhear Hyde talking about his relationship with Jackie and it all started, making them even more hesitant on telling others. It also wouldn’t help that Nate acted like a total tool when finding out about Jay and Nikki just having sex. (Just for a minute though)

They wouldn’t be super good at keeping the secret tho lol. Betsy would catch them making out in the closet and Jay would see them on a date. They’d both agree to keep it a secret and do such but Nate would catch them kissing outside the house (similar to Kelso catching Hyde and Jackie). In anger, he’d reveal that to the whole gang and would do some petty things to Gwen and try and hit on Nikki repeatedly for a while but it wouldn’t stop them from being together.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I See You

Summary: Somewhat based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer tie-in book "Visitors" (though you shouldn't have to read that to understand this story). Ever since the Korred demon has come to Sunnydale, Angel can't help but notice that Buffy has been distant from him. Eventually, he decides to wait in the swimming pool room at Sunnydale High while Buffy's preparing for patrol in the library, knowing that she can sense him there and that if she wants to talk to him or have him go on patrol with her, she can come find him. Or she can continue to ignore him for another night. Buffy does come and see him, and she finally confesses what's been going on with them, and it seems she's come to see the line between man and demon is much thinner than she'd ever been willing to admit before. And since Angel has always been somewhat in denial about this... is this something he'll be willing to accept? Canon compliant. Oneshot. Slight angst, but also... ALL THE FLUFF. General audiences.

Author's Note: It might somewhat seem that Buffy and Angel have switched sides here (and if anyone thinks that, that’s definitely fair. Since Buffy was always a defender of the things the demon did not being attributed to Angel. And Angel said things like, “I can walk like a man, but I’m not one”), but this story, in some ways, is kind of supposed to explore why I think Buffy might have called Angelus “Angel” in season two: Because deep down, I think she does realize there’s a thin line between Angel and Angelus/man and demon. And, I mean, some of the things she says in “Amends” also makes me think this: “I know everything you did, because you did it to me. God, I wish I wish you did. I don’t. I can’t.” Note that she doesn’t say, “I know everything Angelus did, because he did it to me. I wish I wished him dead. I don’t. I can’t,” or anything like that, but she’s linking it to Angel, because she seems to know that they’re really very much the same.

Also, likewise, I feel like Angel actually, in some ways, thinks that he and Angelus are different? Like different personalities (actually, I do think Angel has split personalities, but that’s another discussion for another time). But I remember in the comics, he tells Drusilla that Angelus hasn’t been there since he was cursed with his soul (and I’m sure he also meant that Angelus would appear again the times he lost his soul, of course). But I’m like, “Are you sure about that, Angel? Are you really sure?” Everyone else seemed to disagree with that in that section of the comic (in thinking Angelus was always there with Angel), like Dru, Faith, and Spike.

This story has a lot of references to the tie-in books (and one classic comic). Actually, this story takes place after something that happened in one of them “Visitors” (though I changed something that happened there. Buffy never once thought that Angel might have been responsible for summoning the demon there. But that book has a list of suspects in it, making the reader wonder who’s responsible for that certain demon being in Sunnydale. And he and Buffy are somewhat estranged in that novel [just because it’s too hard for them to be together, but not truly be able to be together, either]. So, for the purposes of this story, I was like, “let’s make it so that she did for a hot second think Angel could have been responsible and build something from there”). Sorry if it’s a little confusing for those who haven’t read the tie-in novels. But for the most part, I feel like they’re mostly references here and you shouldn’t really need to have read them to understand what’s going on. Hopefully I’ve explained the references enough when they show up.

Anyway, onto the story!

Angel's PoV

Angel wasn't entirely sure what his and Buffy's problem was lately.

Okay… maybe that wasn't entirely true. Not being able to make love with your soulmate was no easy thing. And deep down, Angel thought that both of them again knew once again that their love was doomed and they were really just kidding themselves in trying to stay together. So perhaps that was where her thoughts lied lately and that was why she’d been staying away.

Angel certainly couldn't have blamed Buffy, if that was the case (even if a part of him had thought they'd found their way together again, after he'd comforted her when her mother had been temporarily kidnapped by the Sons of Entropy). But he also couldn't help thinking he was seeing something else behind her eyes whenever they met lately.

For instance, he had met her one night to warn her about an old power that had come to the town, a Korred demon, and Buffy had been almost… ungrateful for his help, seeming desperate to get rid of him. Mayhap because his presence hurt her as much as hers pained him, Angel allowed (though they also couldn't stand to be apart, which was the conundrum). But there had seemed like there was more to it than that.

Which was why Angel was at such a loss now.

He knew he probably should have been with Buffy right now, preparing to help her with her patrol for the night if nothing else… however, he also didn't want to crowd her. So Angel found himself sitting with his feet resting inside her school pool (because Buffy was getting ready to for her patrol here at Sunnydale High, of course—no doubt wanting to ask one of her friends to join her instead of him). And Angel knew that she could sense him here… So, if she decided she wanted him along with her, or anything else from him, she could come and find him in here.

And as it was, a refreshing dip in the swimming pool was sounding more and more tempting as he stared at it. And Angel was just about to strip down into his boxers, at least, and dive into it when he suddenly felt Buffy behind him.

"Buffy," he whispered, whirling around to face her, and at once taking in how beautiful she looked in the little orange dress she wore, making Angel think at once of Velma and Buffy's Scoobies. But she was so much more lovely than Velma, wasn't she? Even though Angel thought she was every bit as good of a detective as the cartoon character was… but why wasn't she detecting right now?

"Angel," Buffy choked out just as breathlessly and with her voice chock full of emotion. But for what reasons, Angel still could not say. He looked at her in an imploring way, begging her to tell him, and finally she did not disappoint as she began walking towards him.

"Do you remember when Oz and I defeated a dinosaur in here?" Buffy asked, shaking her head in wonder at the thought, because that had been an amazing ordeal and he’d been scared for her through it.

…But it wasn't what he wanted to hear from her right now and she knew it, so he chastised her. "Buffy-"

"What? The person in the room, who is considered an extinct creature to some, doesn’t want me to talk about another extinct creature? I didn’t know you got the monopoly on that, Angel."

Angel shot his girl a look—meanwhile hoping that she was, in fact, still his girl—but if she was stalling like this, he had the feeling that what Buffy was about to say next wasn’t going to be “of the good” at all. And she pretty much confirmed that with her next words.

"You're not going to like this, Angel," Buffy admitted, biting on her lip. And Angel was pleased with himself that he didn't get distracted by that movement at all and instantly thundered back with, "Not as much as I have not knowing what's going on with us, Buffy. So, spill. No more games."

Buffy's shoulders somewhat shook at that. And Angel felt guilty, remembering how he had reacted—and how Buffy had then responded—when she'd told him about Scott. And he was about to apologize.

But Buffy was already sitting down beside the pool and absentmindedly running her index finger in it while she found her voice. "I think it all started when you were willing to leave Oz, as the wolf, behind when we were fighting the Sons of Entropy.”

And before Angel could say anything to that, Buffy was continuing with: "And I know, Angel, the logical reason behind that decision. They were holding us all hostage and it was a dangerous situation. They were about to rip my heart out for a sacrifice… and were so close to destroying the world. They even had my mom at the time, which was making me an absolute wreck. I know it. Then, the two of us had miraculously escaped, so I get why you wanted to get out of dodge, and didn't think we'd be able to find where they had wolf-Oz hidden and then be able to escape with him… But that calculating, cold attitude still felt more along the line of Angelus' thinking to me. And then more things like that started happening."

Angel remembered well what Buffy was talking about. And though it certainly wasn't a favorite memory of his, she'd explained his feelings then exceptionally well. He had been afraid that there was no way they would have been able to escape if they'd tried to rescue Oz. Especially since they hadn't known at the time that Micaela would change sides and open a path into the Ghost Roads for them, so they could quickly travel between locations and truly get away from all of those sorcerers—so Angel had really thought they would have been up a creak without a paddle if they'd been trying to run for miles while trying to drag an angry werewolf alongside them.

But even so, even when he had posed the idea to Buffy, he'd hated the idea of leaving Oz behind. Oz was his friend.

"That still doesn't really answer my question," Angel protested, shaking his head. Of their own accord, his legs came to brush against Buffy's, that were also now resting in the pool. "Have you been mad at me all this time for Oz's sake? Or-"

But Buffy silenced him by turning his way and placing a finger to his lips, instantly reminding Angel the night of Buffy's seventeenth birthday. But he dared not go down that road.

"N-no. Maybe things would be more clear if I brought up the Hollower."

"Right. When you thought I might have let all these vampires get regurgitated in the town, because it could have potentially made my soul permanent. I did think about it," Angel remembered. But he never could have done that. His defeating others of his kind had caused the Hollower, a demon who ate vampires to gorge itself on them and overrun a city once. And being evil at the time, he was afraid its monstrous appetite would come for him and his family. He'd willingly sacrificed one of his companions to try and stop it, back in the day (though she'd miraculously survived). And when it had eventually come to Sunnydale, there had been a part of Angel that thought that if it got a hold on him, it would kill the vampire and just leave him a man with a soul. But the problem had been the Hollower had feasted on too many vamps at that point—it did have a limit—and if it ate many more, it would have thrown them all back up into the town, and then Sunnydale would have been overrun by the vamps. And Angel knew he could never be that selfish.

"…And then when the Korred got here, there were so many suspects about who summoned it to Sunnydale, when usually it doesn't leave its home."

"And you thought it could have been me. Especially since I knew about this legendary creature and was bringing you everything I knew about it," Angel realized, the puzzle finally coming together for him.

"But of course I realized it wasn't you, Angel!" Buffy exclaimed. "And then-"

"And then?" Angel asked, confused, running a hand through his hair. There's an 'and then' here? I sort of figured you realizing it wasn't me would be the end of this story." And Angel had to curl his hands into fists to resist the urge to take Buffy into his arms, and finally leave all of this madness behind them, but he got the sense that something really wasn't right here.

Buffy sighed loudly. And before she continued, she looked deeply into Angel's eyes, imploring him for something, though what it was he couldn’t say. Not just yet. "This- this is the part you're not going to like. Also, please let me finish before you get all judge-y, because at first you might be confused by my logic and think I'm contradicting myself.

"I finally realized that you and the demon—Angelus is what I'm saying here--aren't so different. And I know that makes little sense with my last example, since you didn't even bring the creature here. But I know in different circumstances… you might have.

"And at first realizing this was upsetting to me. And honestly, what was keeping me away from you. But now understanding it, but also seeing how you differ… I don't know, Angel. It's like it's freed me from an illusion I’d been under and made some things click into place in my head. And really, it's better this way."

Angel looked at Buffy, aghast. And he reached out his arms, wishing to shake her for what she said—his soul crying out in anguish for the betrayal she’d just uttered, as his entire world fell down around him—but he was able to keep from doing so by jumping into the pool before him.

He could tell that Buffy was not happy by this action. She huffed rather loudly and crossed her arms over her chest, before glaring daggers at him. "Really, Angel? Avoiding me and the issue now? Really?"

Angel might have argued that avoidance seemed to be Buffy's shtick lately, but he was too busy keeping his demon from ripping her throat out and proving her latest sentiment right in doing so.

Once he thought he'd gotten somewhat a hold of himself, after taking a few calming breaths, he looked at the girl he still loved with betrayed eyes and demanded, "How can you say that to me, Buffy? Weren't you always the biggest advocate for me and Angelus being different when you debated with your friends?"

Buffy blinked, confused, at Angel's question. And he considered that maybe she hadn't come up with a second answer to all of this, perhaps having not thought she'd need anything else to explain her reasoning to him than everything she’d just said.

"Uhh… first off, I guess I'm going to get into this freezing cold pool with you, mister, because someone just had to jump into it and now, you're too far away for me to really have a conversation with." And after a quick little splash she had done did just that. Despite himself, Angel found that he had to smile. And then she was beside him.

“I guess… Maybe think of it like Chex Mix, Angel.”

“Chex Mix, Buffy?” Angel asked, cocking his head to the side, confused. He didn’t even know if he was upset with her anymore. Not truly. Now he was just too curious to see how she was going to try to link his soul and demon situation with that strange human food that he thought he’d maybe seen at the corner of his eye at the store a few times. Angel was constantly mystified by the way Buffy’s mind worked, but he couldn’t say he didn’t love it.

“Yeah, I know that this is a very strange analogy I’m coming up with here,” Buffy admitted, just as she placed a gentle hand upon Angel’s heart, that instantly had it warming under her touch, “but just roll with it.

“A bag of Chex Mix is one thing, really—or one brand, I guess—the Chex Mix itself. Now: say that someone wanted just the pretzels in it or something. They might try to scoop out a handful of just that and mostly succeed… And I suppose I’m comparing your soul to the pretzels here. But of course, sometimes, they might get something else, like the Chex Cereal itself in their hand, like sometimes the demon spills over even though you have a soul. But it’s all still Chex Mix, like you’re all still you… and that’s really what I’m trying to say here. And I know this is a crappy comparison. I’m sorry.”

Angel threw his head back and laughed. And at first, Buffy looked somewhat wounded that he would mock her carefully chosen words so. Even if she herself had just admitted how strange they were, but then even she seemed to see the humor of the situation and joined him in giggling.

It was true that her words were bizarre—and perhaps too simple to really match what everything he went through—but it did make some sense, Angel supposed. And more than anything, he found that he appreciated Buffy so much for trying to understand him where he was, like always, and loving him no matter what.

“More than anything, my love, I’m just glad you didn’t compare stuff with my soul and demon to acting,” Angel admitted. “Because that- that could have led to some bad places, and we may have had to tell this sad tale of you being unsure of me all over again,” Angel said against the top of Buffy’s hair, before placing a gentle kiss there.

As Angel pulled away, he could see Buffy’s eyebrows crease and then a frown appeared on her face. She opened her mouth, and at once Angel could tell she was about to apologize for having been unsure of him at all, but he silenced her by putting a finger to her lips and stealing a line of hers from time ago. “Water over the bridge.”

And now it was Buffy’s turn to laugh pretty uproariously before settling comfortably into Angel’s arms here in the water, he noticed. It wasn’t perfect happiness for a few reasons (one of them being that the water was a little too cold for Buffy’s tastes and with his cool temperature he couldn’t warm her up), but he could still hardly think of any other place he’d rather be. “I love you, Angel,” Buffy smiled, looking up at him with her eyes shining.

“And I you,” he confirmed, tucking a strand of hair behind the light of his life’s face, as it had obscured her from him.

“Now what do you say we enjoy some of our limited time off here and go for a swim?”

Angel smirked. “I think much like us training together, this is going to turn into a competition. And the first one to the other side of the pool gets to decide our next date.”

The next thing Angel saw was a splash of water and Buffy’s leg directly in his line of vision as she took off swimming. And all things considered, the way things had been between them lately, he couldn’t say he was complaining.

No. Not at all.

Author's Note: I think there was originally some dialogue in here that got lost somewhere. But basically, Buffy’s friends are patrolling for her for the night, because they know that Buffy and Angel have really been at odds lately and they’re giving them the chance to work things out.

I also know the setting for this story is kind of strange, but I kind of put Buffy and Angel here on purpose as a “have them anywhere else other than the mansion or a cemetery” challenge.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!

[roseofcards90]

Thank you for the essay reply and I hope you are doing well too. Just out of curiosity have you heard of spinearl ( spinel x pink pearl. I refuse to call her volleyball sorry ) and do you approve of it? This ship was biiig after the movie came out and I’ll admit I was a small part of the crowd 💦 The appeal of two people who never even interacted hurt in different ways by the same person who find each other and help each other heal is just really 🥺😭😖 If you know what I’m saying. And they’re both silly and goofy! They enable each other’s weirdness. I actually wrote a bit of fic about them back then. Anyway I also just really love Spinel. Her, Pink Pearl and Amethyst are my favorite characters. Ok enough of my rambling. What are yooour favorite ships from the show?

Thank you, I am surviving and trying my best! 😭🙏 and oh I haven’t actually! :0 not until now I didn’t know that was a thing fjfjfkfkf but it makes sense omg I can see it! I should look up more content of them, they seem like a really fun dynamic!!! ALSO REAL I LOVE AMETHYST SO MUCH THE GIRLIE!!! Her development is great throughout the series, I especially love the role she plays in Future with being the voice of reason and helping Steven realize some stuff

Also omggg my favorite ships!!! I have quite a few, I’ll list them down below and talk about them:

Pearlnet - this one is my absolute fave tbh like I didn’t think I would be a huge fan of it, but I enjoyed their dynamic so much in the show!!! Like that whole mini arc with Sardonyx and the conflict between them??? Still one of my favorite parts in the whole series. Idk I just really like how they’re the two who have been there since the beginning. They’ve stuck together throughout the gem war and share similar trauma, and just seeing them have so much respect for the other is just aughhh it’s so good!!! I got so happy when they hugged after seeing the corrupted gems get uncorrupted in the finale, that was so sweet 🥺

Pearlrose - I don’t think I have to explain this one much lmao, it’s just peak yuri I love it. The one thing I will way is that I hate how people misinterpret this ship so much, like I wish people had a brain cell when it came to understanding that their relationship was far from one-sided and “manipulative” :/ like Pearl was the whole goddamn reason Rose became the person she was. They showed each other freedom from beyond their gem roles, and that just feels so impactful to me like, their whole relationship makes up a huge part of the core of Steven Universe imo so idk, I just wish people understood it better

Rupphire - MY GIRLIES I LOVE THEM AAAAAAAAAAA I COULDNT STOP SCREAMING WHEN THE WEDDING EPISODE WAS HAPPENING FR I WAS SO HAPPY LIKE THEYRE JUST SO IN LOVE IR MAKES ME AUGHHHH

Lapidot - THEIR DYNAMIC IS GREAT they are like an old married couple, and just seeing them live together and stuff and finding a home in the barn with their pumpkin dog was adorable 😭🥺❤️ I love how they grow closer and they actually care about each other a lot. Also that part in Distant Shore where Peridot is the one to walk through her first??? The line where she doesn’t understand how Peridot can be so bold and switch sides so easily and not be afraid of the Diamonds anymore??? AUGHHH THAT PART HURT ME SO MUCH 😭 it’s clear that they do admire each other for what they themselves don’t have, and that’s so interesting to me. On the surface, they seem so different, but they actually do complement each other very well surprisingly! And I like that a lot

[warpspeedgirl]

P. 4

OBVIOUSLY if there are rats in our apartment it is both of our problem. Obviously. Now, me going to the office or calling them to see what to do next about the sounds she’s been hearing in her room, is not something that we have equal responsibility to do. If it was something in the common area, yes it would be okay for me to say I can’t today but I would’ve added that I’ll circle back to it later. If it was my room, yes definitely my responsibility. And yes, if I had the time and capacity to help her with that on that day, of course I would’ve helped her and done it (which is why I told her I understood her sense of urgency about it), but I didn’t and I said no. There is nothing wrong with that. It was up to her to call or email or go down to the office and see who to contact and then we can tackle it what happens with the next step together. Everything that transpired after that was absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and just not my fault. I didn’t say “yeah not my problem” I said “sorry I can’t help you with this today it’ll be better for you to tackle this one”. And even that was very reasonable and considerate.

Hurt is inevitable in long term relationships and yes we have both hurt each other over the years and let stuff go but this has been way too much lately.

Life is too short to hold grudges and it’s too short to be around people that continuously hurt me. Life needs to be fun and light for me right now. 

So one part of my being more distant recently was that after that conversation we had after just moving you couldn’t just acknowledge that you hurt me. It wasn’t that I’ve “been a certain way” or now you understand “why I’ve been the way I’ve been” 🙄. I just haven’t been talking or sharing with you. The conversation, the next day about I can say the same thing to you, nothing you say is personal (you shut me down and the way you were talking to me was condescending how is that not personal) and that you don’t have to not say your opinion like you’re telling me to do” like no. I was saying you hurt me and I was shocked by it because I would never say those things to you in that tone. You eventually apologized but all it took to get there I was like I think she’s sorry but I don’t really know. I was still around and chit chatting and watching tv I just needed space. Nothing was “really” wrong with me, I just didn’t want to talk to you specifically about certain things because you really hurt me and talking about it made it worse. It doesn’t feel safe to share with you so I stopped. Maybe that’s why something in you was nervous to talk to me, maybe something in you realized you went too far and it never really seemed like you were actually sorry or recognized what you were sorry for. It took a lot of defensive statements and deflection to even get that apology from you. I distanced myself from you, not everyone else. Some of the most fun I had in the apartment was when I was by myself or had work friends, my boyfriend, my sisters or my mom over. I like to laugh and joke around. Yeah I was worried about some stuff but I’ve definitely been through worse. I just don’t want this to hurt anymore. This is a time where I wish you could’ve been around but you did aalll of this hurtful stuff when I only knew I was pregnant for about a week! Oh my god. The timing is significant to me. Even if I wasn’t pregnant it was still unbelievably hurtful and ridiculously rude and unacceptable.

I think part of why I never brought all of the rest of my stuff to the apartment and decorating it more fully is because I couldn’t force myself to care. I didn’t want to be there. I never brought a bunch of shit my mom bought for us after that horrible day in September. That was the last time.

Telling me my opinion is irrelevant and pointless to even bring up, is rude. Telling me that I can tell you the same thing and that nothing you say is personal when I bring up that it hurt, is rude as hell and implying that I should be like you and I’m too sensitive. Telling me that I’m telling you to not tell me your opinion after I express that you hurt me is rude. It is personal, it was my personal opinion. Don’t tell me it’s not personal when I’m telling you something you said hurt me. Everytime she’s pointed out that I’ve said something that hurt her I just apologize. She doesn’t. You get defensive and have to fight. I remember when you started doing real apologies and not just “ sorry if that hurt your feelings”. Pointing at strangers is rude. Interrupting and zoning out is rude. Getting irritated if I forget something when you do ALL the time is rude. Wanting to barge into my room without telling me is rude. Telling me I can get to the apartment before you and wait on you is rude. Trying to move in before bc is works better for you and not saying anything to me before confirming is rude. How hard would it have been to just say to the agent “okay let me just see if that day works for my roommate”. Saying that your parents and (yourself with your potential kids) would never let you do some of the things my mom let me do is rude. “Telling me how you know the square footage for a fact and you’ll tell me if I really want to know” is rude. Asking everyone for more money as the party is starting is rude. I was there I brought gifts and cards and food and a painting (I loved that painting I worked on it for so long, idk if you did but I appreciated you saying you liked it) and I stayed up as long as I could. You keep bringing up that we didnt stay up long enough despite all this and it just comes across as ungrateful and it’s awkward to respond to. We came we brought gifts and food and tried to help each with what you needed as much as we could. I honestly didnt even think you'd notice if I went to bed. I just had an interview that morning and work the day before. But I showed up for you.

It’s also like why did Whitdney leave if her mom told her to stay there. What exact conversations took place with who, before Whitdney left that lead her to be on Ave S alone. What if mom told her to stay and Whitdney said something along the lines of it’s okay I’ll walk real quick and she just let her go, because I remember her mom saying several times that that wasn’t the first time Whitdney had walked home. That’s why I said her friends mom letimg her go is what “probably happened” but there are details that matter, WHY she let her go. Of course it’s probably something she beats herself up about. I don’t think it’s fair to just say “she wasn’t thinking, a lot of people just don’t think and are idiotic” like you were saying word for word. and everyone all judged her after that” Things lead to each other. Mom life is a juggle maybe she was cooking or had a bunch of stuff on her mind and just let her go not thinking, but not maliciously. Did Whitdney know she was supposed to stay? Did she just want to do the walk like she’d done during the day before and say it was fine? Did the mom kind of “kick”/shoo her out for some reason? ACTUALLY knows. I remember that being a topic back then. If she did she left anyway. Yes it’s mom’s responsibility since Whitdney was in her care but it’s the person who hit her in the hit and runs fault, ultimately. You said those details doesn’t matter I said okay, I think every detail and happening matters. I didn’t tell you your opinion was irrelevant and pointless to bring up. I didn’t try to FIGHT you on your opinions aggressively asking why you were saying the things you were saying and shaking my head dismissively while you were explaining it. You don’t know everything for sure because you weren’t there, despite you thinking it would’ve come out in the community. I didn’t say that your opinion is pointless to bring up. That’s all I’m saying. That sometimes I’d go outside without my mom knowing so you accused me of lying to my mom. I was exploring boundaries like a lot of kids do. It’s not devious, I was at that age where kids occasionally lie to their parents and discover autonomy. It was such a nothing conversation for the way you were coming at me. Trying, to, be right over something neither of us really cared about. I certainly didn’t. I was getting frustrated because you were talking to me like an asshole, frankly. I wasn’t talking to you that way and I just wanted the conversation to be over so I could get away from you.

 How do you know what happened between them that day or what their relationships even was. It’s the mom’s responsibility but how are the kids irrelevant?

Like before Eid I was asking you to explain things you were saying about your boyfriend and you were like “I already explained that” “I think you forgot, I already said that” and I’m thinking okay but do you know how often I repeat things for you because you completely zone out and forget stuff I say over the years? Often. Very often. I don’t talk to you that way about forgetting. I just repeat it.

Like omfg I told you what time we’re gonna leave so I can drop off my work thing and you’re like “we don’t need to leave at that time”. I’m picking YOU up, you’re not even driving. I know LA traffic patterns too I’ve been commuting since I was at lachsa and we both know the traffic can change at the drop of a dime. Who says “actually we can leave later” when the designated driver is telling them what the ETA is? If a different day would’ve worked for you we could’ve done that but you’re not going to tell me when the best time is to get my work thing done. The whole conversation we had about the wifi and that you didnt have anywhere to put it in your room because the wires are ugly but maybe it’ll work in mine or the living room and you telling me “I’m telling you I know for a fact you’re gonna have your room set up like mine” “if you really want to know about the square footage I can tell you” “you almost just barged into my room that day without asking before you caught yourself. You saying youre gonna be over an hour late and that I can get there and go in before you … girl what? Okay its one thing to say Im going to be late but to say that I can go wait there for you? We’re moving in together it's our move in day appointment. That’s inconsiderate. No it’s not okay if I get there before you. I told her even if I did leave before you I wouldn’t go in without you, we’re getting our keys and stuff. That’s inconsiderate. Why would it be okay for me to wait for you that long there? I thought you were calling to let me know to stay home until you’re ready, because that makes sense. It’s inconsiderate . So these are just a few examples and they start just adding up and getting draining.

Didn’t even check in with me if moving date was okay before just agreeing to it. It wasn’t, it was okay for you and you wanted to move slowly because you had a reason to go back and forth, and it took a LOT to switch it. I don’t know how hard it would’ve been to just say “oh let me check and see if that day works for my roommate and I’ll get back to you”.

It just adds up to a lot of inconsideration. And in hindsight I should’ve asked you to change the date from Tuesday to Friday and not been struggling and stressed out doing it myself while just starting my new job.

I don’t want to get hurt like this from you anymore and I don’t believe you have the capacity to actually step outside of yourself and see why you hurt me and actually understand where I’m coming from, due to several past experiences we’ve had.

Do you know how many times I’ve expressed something to you or tried to understand what you meant when you said something hurtful and you say “oh no I was talking about myself. I was saying what I’d say to myself. I wasn’t talking about you I was talking about me”. It’s not always about you. You turn things that aren’t about you back to yourself, often. 

You have been really sweet to me and understanding friend in the past, of course, this not to say you haven’t. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Like okay we agreed we’re not going to see apartments without eachother. Why did you then go on to ask me twice if I was up for seeing places in LA without you because you were busy. I told you I could've done that if my mom could've gone with me but she started school weeks earlier. Were you going to go drive and make that trips to see places without me? No we were rushing because you needed to move because of school. Yes we agreed on a certain date but I was the only one adding things to the google doc for a while, my mom and Kendall were looking for us too. It didn’t seem serious and urgent until you needed it to be. and it wasn’t cool. On top you saying over and over you were worried about money. You never 'repeatedly' told me that it's fine. you kept saying you were worried about money to move, your dad, and paying for school. What else am I supposed to think except that you’re not ready to move either? I’m not trying to last minute look and find a place we could’ve been looking before hand. You know moving is a stressful process and something that should not be rushed. Moving the first week of september was never going to still happen because we took too long to start looking in person. I thought okay maybe she'll just commute for a week or two until we find something without having to rush. She said she has to move now because she can't commute. No my mom doesn't want to be the sole guarantor and it sucked that you put me in a position to have to ask her that at the last minute when you said your dad was fine with it a while ago. I wanted to hurry up and have my birthday dinner and not stress about moving for a little bit but I had to figure out a polite way to tell you no shes not comfortable with that because I told her you and your dad were having money arguments back when she offered to have you get your mail sent to our house. So I told you she just bought that car so shes not really comfortable with it. Your response was "my dad just bought a car too!". Girl

The conversation hurt In September, the way you were texting me after it hurt, our talk the next day hurt, the way you were talking to me on the 7th and 8th hurt. Little things that happened before all of this but it just starts adding up. I’m just over it.

I’ve always been pretty good with words I read a lot I write frequently. I’m literate I have reading comprehension. Explain better and I’ll understand better.

Many people can hurt you unintentionally and you can still be friends if you can still trust their intentions. After everything and seeing how far you go with things and the way you speak to me, I don’t trust your intentions right now. I think it's ok to take a break I need one. I’ve thought about it over and over and realized there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent this hurt I’m feeling so I just need to do what I need to for myself and peace of mind and I don’t want my baby feeling me upset ...

You don’t know that telling someone their opinion is pointless to bring up and then when they say that hurt you take that as them telling you not to say your opinion is rude? You couldn’t see that? Really? You don’t know why bringing up the case manager was horrible and self righteous? Several things you said in this whole last incident actually? You can’t see it? You think that was me misunderstanding you and not genuinely trying to understand?? Okay. I’m the one that doesn’t need to explain why your behavior is hurtful any further, anymore. You’re too self righteous to see it and it’s wasting my energy. I’ve seen all I needed to see. Right now my life is better and feels back to normal when I don’t have to see you everyday. I’ve never ever had situations like this to this degree with any of my other friends or people in my life and I think that’s why I was so shocked and didn’t know how to react to you in the moment. Beyond painful and just so ugly and low low energy.

This whole thing just disgusted me and put a bad taste in my mouth. What I need to start maybe moving forward from the friendship is yeah space and time, but also an apology. I don’t think I’m going to get that/I have doubts that you’re going to see this hurtful situation as something to apologize for. No I don’t freaking want to try talk things out with you AGAIN with you after you finish with those awful 20 texts to me saying it wasn’t a big deal to ask (like okay?? You asked I just said no) and accusing me of not genuinely trying to understand you and speaking for you which is INSANE. You were being confusing and saying things that would allude me to think certain things. Wtf else am I supposed to think after you say things like that over and over again. Sounds like it’s going to go just like last time because you’re still trying ti be right and not understand ME when you were completely just in the wrong. So badly. It seems like you do a lot of rude shit without realizing how rude and hurtful and offensive it is. Bringing up the case manager was enough for me to be done. Being unBELIEVABLY pushy was enough actually. I needed space from you after the whole ugly thing in September and just seeing too much awful behavior from you before that actually. I’m done. I don’t want to be around you and deal with it anymore.

It helps being around people that don’t talk to me like that don’t talk over me, zone out, aren’t so domineering with me. I LOVE being of service to others and making people happy, it’s why I love my job so much. It helps being reminded that I am helpful and sweet to people and they want to help me now and I’m still learning how to accept help and gifts from people because that is something I’ve never really been comfort with. People randomly telling me I’m chill and being good energy to them helped me remember oh yeah! I really am VERY chill and easy going. I hate that I almost made these interactions with you see myself differently when I didn’t do anything. And okay you’re stressed out, so am I. I don’t talk to you the way you talk to me, and you’re not the only one who has let hurtful comments go over the years. This stuff lately is beyond that. It’s too hurtful and it’s a pattern. Reminded me of when you showed me those messages between you and him and he kindly asked you to stop and that you were crossing his boundary and you wouldn’t stop and put your emotions before his. I remember thinking yo he’s right, that’s REALLY not cool. I tried to be supportive but those screenshots bothered me.

Sometimes I miss you and want to show you the little baby clothes and shoes people have gifted me or show you my sonogram photos, tell you when I found out the gender, tell you about the baby moon my boyfriend’s taking me to. I miss sharing that stuff with you sometimes. I miss hearing about your life, your anniversary, school.

But I think you were confused because I’m not keeping stuff in, I have my friends and my family and my therapist I’m just not sharing with you specifically and you were feeling it because we live together. I could see how it’d be easy to think that since I wasn’t communicating with you. That’s probably what you were feeling when you thought something was seriously wrong. It wasn’t, I just don’t want to share deep or personal stuff with you anymore it doesn’t feel comforting or safe. You saying that my last response/explanation wasnt going anywhere was fair enough because I knew I was done, seen enough, hurt and needed to get that out since we weren’t going to be talking for a while, probably ever and you decided to start that morning with your final words. There’s not much for any of this to actually go.  I see you trying to talk to me about my pregnancy and invite me to stuff, send me memes but I am just not there yet with you. You went too far. I’m pregnant. That first month was really hard for me and you said a lot of horrible, separating, hurtful stuff to me and it was so bad I had to decided to just stop talking to you for my peace of mind and my baby’s as it become evident to me this is never going to go anywhere and attempting to calmly talk things out with you has proven to make things worse/be pointless. These things that have happened lately have just showed me a lot about what your character is these days? I know you’re going through a lot but it doesn’t justify this behavior. I’m going through a lot too and I just DONT talk to you the way you talk to me. I don’t talk to anyone that way. I’m a very chill, quiet, and understanding person. I just listen to people, I empathize, I’m polite, I like to hug, I try to be there and giving gifts are clearly my love language. That’s who I am. this kind of stuff really hurts and bothers me but I had to learn how to just let go because things really do happen exactly when they’re supposed to. I wish it didn’t have to be like this its sad and the timing sucks but it’s probably for the best in the long run or it wouldn’t have happened at all. Telling people and my job and family have been the best support and love and excitement during this time. I feel like the timing of this all coinciding with my pregnancy is significant.

I don’t relate to you on a deep level anymore or the things we once shared. Our lives used to be parallel and we were great support for each other for a while. I need to create some distance and focus on myself and my new family. I’m grateful for our good memories and the times we were able to bond and share and even introduced me to a very important person. I don't know the intricacies of you guy’s relationship and I know he’s reached out to you for help before. He’s told me he’ll always be there for you if you need him and still always thinks of you as a friend. Friendship is a choice and should be relatively light to me and not filled with hurt. I have dreams sometimes where you and I are good and nothing’s wrong and there’s no hurt there. We’re just hanging out and being silly, laughing like we used to. I just don’t even see a way for that to be possible anymore. I try to but I don’t see a way. Not right now at least. In the past I’ve tried bringing up behaviors that bothered me you immediately get defensive, denial you did anything wrong, and essentially say things leading to that you didn’t do anything wrong and I shouldn’t take it the way I did for things are just blatantly rude and shouldn’t even need a conversation just an apology. So that mixed with this last thing and the things you said after, it doesn’t seem like you can realize why some of this behavior is hurtful and goes too far. I’m done trying for it to go nowhere/repeat. And talking to you about all of this and bringing up examples would probably feel like an attack, even more so then when I’d just bring up a few examples of hurting things you’d done and you got defensive because it felt like an attack. I’m done being hurt by you and I don’t want to put myself in the position for that to happen anymore, especially right now. I reacted a little emotionally and anxiously (I was panicking and shocked) to some of her outrageous comments but I’ve given myself grace for that. I was pregnant and hormonal and stressed tf out and she was being VERY rude and stressing me out more. Of course I had a reaction. I should’ve just stopped replying to her irregardless though.

I want to forgive you I do but I’m still really hurt thinking about all this and losing my best friend at a time like this and I’m just not there yet. One day. I’ve realized you’re never going to apologize for how inconsiderate, rude, and nuts that whole thing was. I don’t think you can really take accountability, like with the pointing, “it was just…” that conversation in September you completely flipped it back on me when I didn’t do anything and it took so MUCH for you to just acknowledge that you hurt me, and now you admitted you should’ve just stopped when I said no, but what about allll the other shit you said and continued to say. Why do we have to have another talk just a few months later about something you, again, instigated and took too far. You’re you, and I’m me. I don’t need baby gifts, I’d really appreciate a freaking apology. I’ve distanced myself from you a for a reason, if it’s too late for you fine. That’s on you for instigating all these things. It’s too much and I don’t need to deal with that behavior, ESPECIALLY right now. The feelings of loss are deep and very emotional. I need an apology from you and its clear that I’m never going to get that, just like how back in September you were never going to say anything, I had to bring it up and you still were steadfast and defensive during that. I think either you don’t realize how rude some things are, you don’t know better, or you’re just not sorry. But I can’t wait around for an apology or an acknowledgment of the situation and continue to ruminate over rude and hurtful statements and actions. You have your life, I have mine. I think our journeys no longer required either of us to be a part of each other’s next chapters and honestly, I’d been needing a break from you for a while. I still love and care about you but I just don’t have to the energy to keep being hurt and baffled by you anymore. We developed different interests, began hanging out with new and different people and our values changed/no longer aligned. Nothing wrong with that but we no longer could be the bffs we needed to be for each other. I don’t want to be friends anymore after all of this and I’d like to be friendly after all these years, but I need an apology that I’m just never going to get for that to happen.

There’s no point in trying to talk things out with you anymore, that has become very clear. You even tell my me to go back and look at the texts so “maybe I’ll stop assuming”. Girl I have major anxiety of course I’ve looked back at the texts out of pure shock, and you’re still overwhelmingly pushy and very VERY clearly in the wrong and manipulative each time I did go back or showed them to someone so I didn’t have to explain the long store of why we’re not friends anymore. You get defensive and deflect, and it just feels like it’s always about YOUR opinion. I don’t want to risk getting hurt anymore. I just went to be around the sweetness and laughter that is my family and friends and positively prepare for my baby and the cultural traditions that come with that. I need to be at home with my family. I'm really happy and life and those around me, its filled with a sweetness I can’t even put into words. It did make me sad before that you’re not going to be a part of it because I never imagined being in this situation, let alone with you. The only thing I’d change right now is for you to be a part of it and not have been so hurt by you in my first trimester but the break has been good for me and I've learned a lot about myself from it. But I think timing and things just happen exactly when they’re supposed to so we can learn what we came here to. I really miss you and your family. We still have a lot of good memories and I think I’ve learned to just enjoy the good and the present moment because the bad never lasts. I don't have any ill will against you and I hope all of the goals you’ve been working towards work out, just as I’ve always hoped for you.

[launching-a-thousand-ships]

Kurt Glee Rewatch: Wheels

Yay, finally a Kurt heavy ep! I’ll try to restrain my Schuester-rants this time.... no promises...

Oops, already annoyed at Will. 

I do love how they always bring up a number for competition bc relevant to plot of ep, and then none of the songs are ever used in competition loll.

And ughh I’m so sick of Will. He just hands the solo to Rachel... no discussion... no auditions. Mercedes only gets to sing sometimes bc she fights for it. Everyone else just sits in the background like omg Will, the point of a teacher is to help all the kids, build them all up. If one isn’t as strong a singer, then freaking teach them ugh.

I literally never see Will actually teach these kids, honestly. He teaches Finn dance? but that’s it.

You can also see a trend, where Will supports Finn and Rachel, then Artie in this ep... later Sam when he joins? But he ignores the students like Mercedes, Santana, and Kurt... who are more likely to talk back/call him out on his bs. 

This outfit kills me. Wouldn’t mind the jacket with something else? But otherwise... wow.

I do love how hype everyone is when he says he wants to audition, they all want to choose him over Rachel lol.

The fact that Will doesn’t know Kurt can hit a high F is a sure sign he hasn’t done vocal training with most of these kids.

If he actually cared about being a music teacher, wouldn’t he love the chance to work with a countertenor, use that range and help Kurt hone his skill??

And as we go on, there will be more rants about how Kurt basically never gets a solo in competition with ND. Just.....oh boy, I will rant.

Another amazing Kurt and Burt scene.... Now I can gush yay.

First of all, Kurt has become such a caretaker for his dad.

Then Burt immediately knows something’s up bc even while distant, he still knows Kurt the best.

And after the coming out, Burt still isn’t perfect. He is not ready to deal with Kurt liking a guy. When Kurt makes the pregnancy joke, Burt loses his appetite. He’s clearly still a bit uncomfortable with that part of being gay.

But, when it comes to the solo, Burt is there. He’s in immediate dad mode because if anyone pushes his son around, he is ready to throw hands.

And he’s serious about it. He doesn’t stop at getting the tryout, he asks who’s going to judge because he wants to make sure Kurt gets his chance, fair and square.

Ugh, I love Burt. He still has room to grow here, but he is the best dad ever.

I mean, we all know that if he hit that note everyone would vote for him bc of popularity lol.

Also omg Rachel. An audition is ruining her life? Do you expect to be given every role and never have to audition?? Do you not understand how performing arts work???

I wonder how painful this was for Chris bc he’s actually a ninja and would never drop the baton loll

I love Kurt’s spotting while he practices, treating it the same as a pirouette.

Another great scene. Just, the tremble in Burt’s voice bc it’s not that he disapproves of Kurt singing. He truly is scared bc he doesn’t want his son to get hurt. There this dangerous line of he wants Kurt to get to be who he is, but too much and things could go very badly.

And I love the little mentions of the mom we get as show goes on. Do wish we learned more tho? But you can def get that Kurt is a lot like his mother. But also like his dad omg, with the stubborn and the talking back to every bully etc. And the burying of emotions...

Aww, they’re all there for Kurt. And Mike’s giving support! This friendship is so background, we get zero actual convo

Then the performance (with amazing spider brooch).

I will say, the autotune here is a bit much. Also, Kurt doesn’t have his confidence yet so there’s the hand on hip that doesn’t really fit the tone? Then he has this little leg bounce that makes him seem uncomfortable. It is his first real solo so makes sense.

They do a close up on Santana sending Rachel a Look as Kurt sings which is great. We know who she was going to vote for.

And Kurt also gives Schue a look at ‘I’m through accepting limits, ‘cuz someone said they’re so’ like oof, the Shade.

I like how you can see the emotions on Kurt’s face as he sings, as he’s planning to throw the note.

Lowkey, even though Kurt’s singing here isn’t as strong as later, I still like him better. Partly is me just personally not being a fan of Lea’s singing (I think Glee made me burnout on her solos, and she has this certain squeak to her singing  idk if it’s stylistic or what, also in this song you can hear her breaths much more than Kurt’s)..

Would’ve been nice if after this, Kurt got a different solo? Like if Will could still acknowledge that Finchel aren’t the only singers in the glee club.

Every Kurt and Burt scene is the best.

I love how they use language. How Kurt ‘auditions’ for kicker and then Burt is mad that Kurt ‘threw the game’. And Burt has such faith in his son that when Kurt announces he lost, he immediately thinks the competition was rigged.

“I love you more than I love being a star” Excuse while I sob.

Even when at their rockiest, Kurt still loves his dad more than anyone else and the way they only had each other for so long I just. Even while they’re still working out how to connect with each other, their issues are never a lack of love or wanting to protect each other. And it’s written so well.

And then Kurt mentions his coveralls to help his dad work on a car.... and we don’t see it. We never get to see mechanic!Kurt.... and I’ll forever be salty about it

Lowkey Kurt is always so hidden during these end-of-ep group numbers.

You know what would’ve been a nice teacher moment? If after Kurt lost the competition, Will said hey, you’re still a good singer, and gave Kurt a couple of lines in the group number. 

As sweet as the moment between Kurt and Burt was, it angers me that Will learned nothing from the whole situation and will carry on ignoring Kurt (and others).

uggghhhhhhhhhhh. But otherwise, great Kurt ep

[rayonfirethe2nd]

Kyoya x Insecure! Plus-sized! Reader

A/n: I promise I will get better, so if you have any tips for improvement on my posts or any constructive criticism, then I would love to hear from you! 

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Headcanons

Being Kyoya Ootori’s s/o meant that you were watched and talked about around the school for dating the stiff and stoic Kyoya. 

Kyoya adored you in a way he never thought possible.

Kyoya enjoys being with you and having you around him while he is hosting or studying. 

Despite not liking PDA, Kyoya loves to at least have his arm touch yours and feel your warmth radiate to him. 

On days he is at home and needs to relax he will lead you to his bed for some cuddles

Although he may seem all cold and distant, trust me when I say this man is as touch starved as a cookie desperate for milk that analogy tho- 💀💀

So anyway, Kyoya is very giving and he loves to provide you with things he thinks would look amazing on you!

He also likes to give you flowers and positive affirmations during the day 

He is aware of your insecurity since he is oh so observant and so, he is very subtle about his approach to help you feel better that you may not even notice!

Kyoya truly loves to look at you and see you so full of life and it gives him a warm feeling in his chest

As we all may or may not know, Kyoya is someone who does not have much muscle or plump to him, so he really adores looking at you and how lovely and full you look

Kyoya does hear people when they talk about you and they are not always bad

However, Kyoya does deal with those that wish to or have spoken ill of you

He will hear none of it! Nor will he tolerate slander against his lover! Hmph! >:(

While hosting he does get questions about you and he tries to answer them in a way to redirect the conversation so that it’s not about you 

If there is any time that you decide that you want to lose weight or try to, he will support you however he can

If you want he can even get someone from his family’s hospital to help you 

That is, if you want to!

Otherwise, he will help you set up a plan and help you through it 

Overall, Kyoya is a very supportive, loving and protective lover!

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Story

Another day, another class to get to, and another day at the host club. You had just finished your last class, and were heading to the music room to meet up with your boyfriend! The one and only Ootori Kyoya! No one believed you when you said that Kyoya is your lover, your friends were freaking out and it was utter chaos, however, they were very happy that you finally found someone for you. 

As you approach the club, you can hear Tamaki screaming about Haruhi being ‘so mean’ to him. And it gave you a little chuckle. With a brighter mood you opened the door and headed in, per usual the flowers and blinding light action all went down again, at this point you were used to it, but the first time it happened you really thought you had passed away and were about to meet your ancestors. 

Anyway, you proceeded to the other side of the room towards your boyfriend after spotting him, on your way you greeted the club members and attendees. Once you were close to Kyoya, you slowed down and stopped as you saw him with a client having a cup of tea while they were both laughing about something. You shifted uncomfortably with a little tightness in your chest. ‘Kyoya doesn't really laugh with clients, nor does he really enjoy being with them, but he looks genuinely happy talking with her’ you thought as you backed up a little, and turned away. 

As you were turning though, you caught the girls’ eye and she smiled, ‘her smile looked so pretty..’ you thought as you walked away to sit with Mori, who surprisingly did not have a client. “Hi, Mori! How are you?” you asked, trying to sound cheerful, Mori looked at you with ihs blank stare and hummed a response, while nodding his head once. 

You smiled and quieted down, now with your thoughts alone. You glanced around and saw some clients looking towards you, and you shrunk under their judgmental gaze. “My, my~ Look at her being so pitiful, she looks so out of place and like a kicked puppy” one of the clients said loud enough for you to hear. You looked up and around to see if the others heard it, but it seems it only reached your ears, or so you thought. 

As you were about to dwell in self pity and self hatred, Mori put a comforting hand on your shoulder, you looked up at him and he shook his head, “Don’t listen to them, they don’t know what they are talking about.” Mori said. “Talking about what?” came another voice, you turned your head and met Kyoya's eyes. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow. Mori grunted and got up, giving you one last look and nod, and made his way to Honey, who looked to be eating too much cake for his own good. 

You looked back at Kyoya and shook your head, “Oh- nothing! How was your day today?” you asked, changing the subject not so subtly. Kyoya gave you a fishy stare, and hummed, “Yes, today was good. I just finished with my one and only client for the day, so it seems I am free as of now. Though, I still have to be at the club to keep Tamaki in check.” Kyoya said, looking at his notebook and glancing at you from time to time. 

After the last client left, the club was packing for the day and Kyoya was the last one in the room. “You have been zoned out quite a few times since you got here. Is there something wrong?” Kyoya asked, looking at you after closing the door to the club. “Um, no! No, why would there be anything wrong?” you said a little startled, “Well, you have looked miserable since I finished with my client. Does it have something to do with me?” Kyoya said, matter of factly. “I-” “Please do not lie.” Kyoya said this time with a look in his eye. He approached you slowly, and sat down in front of you. He sighed and looked at you, 

“I understand that sometimes I cannot figure out what you are thinking about, however, that does not mean that you should keep away whatever you are feeling. Keeping it from me is the last thing I want you to do, therefore, if this is about me or the client earlier, then, tell me.” Kyoya said, looking down. Tears pricked at your eyes, and you launched yourself onto him, and held him so tight to you.

 Kyoya was surprised, but reciprocated and hugged you back with a small smile. “There, there, it will be alright. You don’t have to worry or feel that way alone. I am here.” Kyoya said in a soft and tender voice. You pulled back and wiped your eyes, giving Kyoya a small smile. “ Thank you, Kyoya. Thank you so much!” You said hugging him again and breathing in his comforting scent. “You’re welcome, my love.” Kyoya said, rocking you a little. In the end, you both went home and had a nice bath and cuddled together as you told Kyoya about what you felt and what you heard. Kyoya comforted you, giving you reassuring words and kissing you all over. Kyoya had murder on his mind, but he would save it for later, and focus on you, his one and only lover. 

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GAh DAYUM! I wrote a LOT! I think I got sidetracked in the story, but I hope you like it! 

-Ray out

Tag: @lilacprincessofrecovery​