#I would actually like this series a lot more if would lean harder into being Surreal

[pilferingapples]

I haven't made any secret of the fact that I don't think the 2000 LM miniseries is good like...at all...in any way....BUT I am extremely intrigued by their unaging Immortal Gavroche, which I'm pretty sure was unintentional and just another symptom of the really ruined timeline they have going BUT IT HAPPENS NONETHELESS

and ALSO intrigued by this bit where he walks into the barricade, sort of ambles around, and then absolutely zeroes in on Bahorel (yes, that's Bahorel! It's even verbally confirmed later! and he has a red waistcoat! One Actual Point to LM 2K from me XD) like that's who he was looking for in the first place

...the intrigue is not lessened by me being highly suspicious that Bahorel is also kinda immortal in this one (again: probably not on purpose, there's just. there's a lot of issues with the editing in this. Whoo boy this is not a good show.)

ANYWAY thanks for the 1.5 minutes of blorbo interaction , show, I'm taking this and the Immortal Gamin and nothing else

[tsireyasluvr]

Desperation

Neteyam x Human fem!reader

Authors note: i’ve been debating making this a mini series, let me know what you think! <3

Summary: you and neteyam have been fascinated by one another and each others cultures, spending every possible minute together. neteyam adapts a habit of sneaking out at night to see you, tonight being no different.

Warnings: 18+!! minors DNI!, aged up neteyam, neteyam is a munch, soft dom neteyam, praises, oral (fem receiving), grinding, whining, size difference, talk of first time (p in v) doesn’t actually happen tho, i think that’s it?

ever since neteyam met you, he’s been stuck to your side like glue. finishing his clan tasks and chores as quick as he possibly could to get back to you, and frankly he’s been spending more time in the lab than he ever thought he would. truthfully, he hated the place. he hated how it smelled so unnatural and how things were so colourless, almost un-life like. humans were fine, but he could never understand the way they lived. he never understood his brothers’ fascination with them either, he never did feel in touch with his human side. until he met you of course, you changed his perspective on a lot of things.

he still didn’t love the lab. but he liked the books you showed him, he liked the assortment of blankets you had and he liked how he could watch you scribble down your thoughts on paper at any moment. he liked the little things, that was undeniable.

he also liked you. granted, most of the human things he likes it’s really only because of you. but it was all incomparable to how he felt about you. everything about you was appealing to him, enticing and captivating. you were exciting, in an entirely different way than his reckless brother was. you were introducing him to new things every day, teaching him the way of your people and culture while he got to give you a personal look on his. the relationship between the two of you grew, and eventually you were spending practically every second together. innocent touches turned into lingering ones, and he couldn’t keep himself from going further.

he started breaking curfew for you, sneaking into your room at odd hours of the night, starting out with just kisses on top of kisses escalating quickly to him on top of you grinding his hips into yours for a little bit of friction. it was embarrassing really, how much he craved to be as close as possible to you even if it was just a kiss or your something as far as your hand wrapped tightly around him.

you were now sat on his lap, late into the night after he once again crept into your dorm within the lab, his large hands holding your waist firmly as you grind your hips against his.

“princess, slow down a little for me” he groaned against your lips as you kept speeding up your movements. even while on top of him, the size difference still had him towering over you, making it easy to lean in and trail your lips on his neck.

his breath catches at that, his face flushing as he takes a deep breath in. “i don’t wanna slow down. i want more” you whined, keeping your legs straddled around his waist. the truth is, you craved the man just as much as he craved you. neteyam consumed every single one of your thoughts, and the desperate grinding and touches have hardly been covering it for you lately. you craved something more, to take things further. you felt his cock press just right against your covered clit, your body feeling warm all over from the sensation, only becoming more desperate for him.

he chuckles a little at your whining, leaning over to look down at your furrowed eyebrows and parted lips. “you enjoying this that much?” he whispered, his voice soft and teasing as he pressed a kiss to your temple, holding your hips tighter as he ground you harder against him. you nodded frantically, hiding your face in his neck as you quietly asked him “can you go faster?”

your voice made him melt, he found your shyness around him so endearing. “yeah baby, whatever you want.” he whispered sweetly, his breath hot in your ear as he did as you asked, pulling back slightly to keep looking at your reaction. he was so obsessed with seeing your blissed out expressions, feeling proud that it was him who made you feel that good. he never was shy with you when it came to his sexuality, getting off on pleasing you and always chasing the euphoric feel of seeing you unravel for him, because of him.

the way his hips were angled had his cock brush up again your clit with every movement, making you moan out his name. he feels your fingertips trace down to his loincloth, fumbling with the strings holding it together, as if asking for permission. “go ahead, princess.” he lifted you up and off his lap like you weighed nothing, keeping you off momentarily so you can pull the loincloth off of him.

you did hurriedly, tossing it as far as possible from you once you finally got it off. he hissed as his cock was freed, feeling the tiniest bit of relief as the cold air hit it. you looked down anxiously, realizing just how big he really was and wondering if that’d ever fit inside of you.

you haven’t had sex yet, but you’ve talked about it. you’ve also been naked around each other plenty, even during innocent moments like cuddling under your mountain of blankets and quilts. you liked to claim it was for research purposes. it felt like now, and this moment, that’s what it was leading up to. the desperation and urgency felt different today, the air between you feeling thicker. it was unspoken, but acknowledged between you both. sometimes you felt like you shared one brain from how often his thoughts reflected yours.

he placed you down gently, cupping your face with one hand and holding your waist with the other, leaning in to kiss you hotly. he rubbed your cheek with his thumb, trying to soothe you as he felt you become nervous. “it’s just me, pretty girl. we’ll take it nice and slow, always” he said gently, looking into your eyes with his warm amber ones.

once you nod and grant him permission, he cradled you in his arms and laid you back on the cot, hovering over you. he pressed his lips to yours again, licking into your mouth as he trailed his fingertips down your abdomen and to your shorts, unbuttoning them with one hand and pulling them down your legs. his breath becomes heavier as he moved his hand over your core, rubbing circles into your clit slowly. you gasped at the feeling, your lips parting as you looked up at him. he’s used his hands on you before, but his touch sent a jolt of electricity through you every single time.

“are you okay, syulang?” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he locked eyes with you. his pupils were blown, the warm amber colour barely seen now. “good, i’m good, really good” you panted, your fingers shakily reaching up to brush against his jaw. the eagerness from before was still there but slightly wavering, you realizing this was a lot more.. intense than you anticipated. he smiled down at you, chuckling softly. “you’re shaking” his voice laced with a bit of concern, but still smiling at you reassuringly. “yeah, well, maybe i’m slightly nervous.. can you blame me?” you say, gesturing down to his member, referencing the size.

“i want you comfortable, sweet girl. you know we can always wait, right?” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, looking up at you with a gentle look in his eyes. you let out a breathe, trying to wipe your sweaty palms against your legs. “i know..” you look over his face, taking in his features and feeling your heart melt over the warmth in his expression.

“why don’t you hold my hand and try to relax, okay?” he lowers his hand down to yours, feeling you interlace your fingers with his as he smiles down at you again. you hold his hand tightly, bringing it up to rest against your chest as you press a kiss to his knuckles. his hand practically engulfs yours, reminding you of the size difference that strangely only made you feel more safe and protected now. he noticed the change in demeanour, leaning down to trail kisses from your ear to neck again, whispering “that’s a good girl”, his breath hot against your neck.

you mewl from the praise, him making you get more and more excited as you try grinding your pelvis against his, skin against skin causing you to whine and squeeze his hand tighter “Teyam, more”.

the words send a flush through him, growling slightly into the crook of your neck from your pleading tone. he licks a stripe up your neck, you feeling just how big the wet muscle alone is compared to your body, his tongue practically covering half your neck. he looks at you with his head tilted, his eyes meeting yours slowly. “you want more?” he says quietly with a slight smirk, his voice sounding a lot more sultry as his eyes rake over you, his fingers thumbing over the hem of your shirt. you nod at him, your big wide eyes looking at him with a slightly nervous but trusting sense. he let go of your hand, taking off the shirt and leaving you bare beneath him. he leaned in to capture your lips in his once more, making sure you didn’t have time to over think your appearance to him as he trailed his hand to your chest, lightly squeezing your breast. you moan into the kiss, your hands reaching to rest in his hair as you lightly tug at the braids.

he trailed his hand back down to your core, two fingers running through your slit, collecting your slick as he found the sensitive nub. he gently massaged circles into it, drawing another moan out of you. “n-nete..”

“shhh” he cooed, moving his fingers a little faster. “s’okay. feels good, yeah?” his voice sounds slightly hoarse as he admires your blissed out expression, smiling at your little squirms and mewls. “mhm..! yeah, just.. a little faster” you pant, bucking your hips into his palm, his hand covered in your wetness. neteyam chuckles at your eagerness, speeding up his movements before trailing kisses down your chest, lower and lower as he licks and sucks along your stomach before reaching your sensitive spot. he looks you in the eyes as he removes his fingers from your clit and replaces them with his tongue, the large muscle practically covering your entire pussy.

“oh god- Neteyam!” you yell, throwing your head back as your lips stay parted and your hand grips at his hair. he growls into your heat, lapping at your juices enthusiastically as he holds your legs open for him. “fuck, you taste so sweet, princess. so fucking delicious” he groans, slurping loudly at your cunt. you kept bucking your hips into his face, your face turning red as you mewl.

he keeps his eyes on you, not looking away for even a second as he swipes his tongue through your heat, beginning to suck on your clit as he slowly brings his finger to circle your pussy, slowly pushing it in. you gasp softly, your eyes widening as you looked down and gazed into his eyes, seeing the predatory look behind them as he started thrusting it in and out. you let out a silent moan, squeezing your eyes shut as you clutched the sheets beneath you, whimpering as you locked your legs around his head. he grinned, sucking more enthusiastically when he felt your thighs tremble.

“teyam, teyam, teyam!” you’re practically screaming now, feeling the knot about to unravel as your brows furrow in pleasure.

“what is it, beautiful?” he asks, pulling away momentarily to talk before delving back in. “i-i think.. i think i’m close” you whine, writhing beneath him. “yeah? gonna cum for me sweet girl?” he spoke into your cunt, tongue beginning to circle your clit as he keeps sucking. “mhm! y-yeah, fuck!” you squeal, panting before his movements get more intense, finally coaxing you over the edge as he grips your legs tightly. “that’s it sweetheart, always so good for me” he murmured, crawling back over you gently once your shaking body stills.

he laid next to you on your tiny bed, reaching an arm out for you and pulling you into his chest. you felt your body melting into him when you rested your head on his chest, breathing in deeply and relaxing in his hold. “feeling okay?” he whispered softly, running his hand over your back in soothing motions. you only nod your head, your eyes starting to close a little as you fought to stay awake, not wanting the moment to be over yet. he noticed this, chuckling softly as you felt the rumble of his laugh beneath you in his chest. “i can see that you’re tired, y/n. why don’t we just enjoy each others presence for tonight, hm?”

you looked up at him with a pout, your brows furrowed adorably as you lifted your head slightly to see him better. “you didn’t get to finish though. i wanna make you feel good too” you say, starting to lift your body up slowly and throwing a leg over his hip, propping yourself up to sit on top of him. he only pulls you back down to him, your legs still straddling his hips. “believe me, that was REAL good for me too. we’ll focus on the rest another night, okay?” he reached a hand up to cup your cheek, you absentmindedly tilting your face further into his palm as you looked down at him. he smiled at you, thumbing at your adorable pout. “rest. i’m getting tired too here, and i only have a few more hours with you until i have to go back”

with that, you let your body relax and rest against him, feeling him press a kiss to your temple as you prayed for the time to go by slow, not wanting to let him go back home just yet.

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 16 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: hello loves!! I can’t believe we’ve already come to the end of this series😭 thank you guys so so much for all the love you’ve sent my work and efforts!! Love y’all so much, enjoy reading- and stay tuned for my future fics 🤍🩷

W/C: 4.025

part fifteen

I sigh for the millionth time today, leaning back against the backrest of my chair. I rub my wrists, massaging my fingers and knuckles, groaning in relief when I hear some of them pop.

There were only a handful of matches left in the league, along with the Champions League final. The entire PR and marketing department had been working overtime for a couple days now, wanting to end the season on a high note.

I was so tired and stressed out, internally debating whether to call in sick tomorrow, but there was no way the team could finish all of this without my help.

Since my role in the department has gotten much more important this season, I needed to attend more meetings and calls with a lot of different people.

Never in my life, had I exercised my social skills this much, and it was only a matter of time before my social battery ran so low that I couldn't take interacting with people anymore, without looking like a total jerk.

Though, the generous paycheck that dropped into my back account every month, motivated me to work harder, well, sometimes..

I shift from my position, grabbing a single pen from its holder. Looking back up to my laptop to write down some refreshing and creative questions for the upcoming, very important and widely viewed interviews.

Winning both the national league and the Champions League in the exact same season would be absolutely insane to witness.

I had experienced the feeling in my first season working at the club. After almost three years of getting to know the team and the players who had come and gone, this year would feel even more special.

I had grown closer to the club, not just as an employee but as a supporter as well. I had multiple personal and dear connections with the club.

My father had just renewed his contract with the club. A topic that everyone working for respective companies joked about was the possibility of the agreement not being renewed.

After all these years, both companies had become synonymous with each other.

I had also gotten closer to my colleagues, much closer than I would've ever imagined. Starting this job as an eighteen-year-old, I was incredibly intimidated by the sheer size of the operations behind the scenes.

Of course, juggling both working here and studying for my law degree was hard at first. Work in the morning had switched to the evening when attending the matches.

Study breaks consisting of trying to figure out what interview questions were rubbish and needed to be scrapped, and packing my little suitcase for another trip, only to overpack again.

Thankfully, I had gotten all of my results back from this school year, and I was absolutely over the moon knowing I'd be going for my next year of my degree after summer break.

All my hard work had finally paid off when I saw my grades, and I had celebrated it that night- with working…

The biggest change in my life?

That was the fact that I had actually found love.

Going from hating each other to loving each other was a weird feeling. Even so, Jude and I had been together for almost six months now, and honestly speaking; I had never felt so loved by anyone in the entire world before.

We supported each other wholeheartedly, and it was definitely easier to do than other couples.

Mostly, because we worked together.

Living together for the first few weeks of our relationship, definitely sped up the process of actually getting to know each other. It bonded us faster than I would’ve ever expected.

Looking back, it's difficult to even imagine a world where Jude never moved into my place..

Jude had moved out of my house in the middle of March. He had changed houses following everything that had happened the last few months.

The new house is quite far away from the old, temporary house he lived in, that got broken into. The home was spacious and modern, just like I'd expected before visiting for the first time.

My father and his partners at his firm, had finally built up a proper case to take the intruder to court. I didn't know the specifics because, for some reason I wasn’t allowed to, by both my own father and Jude.

I already knew that the man who had caused so much chaos wasn't getting off the hook easily, and that was enough for me. Knowing any more details about the situation, would probably cause me more stress and anxiety, so I had just learnt to let it go.

I couldn't even lie, lately I had spent more time at Jude’s place than my own. There was something so comforting about it, maybe it was how inviting and cozy it felt.

His friends from England and Germany would always be over, for the simplest of reasons.

Playing games, both board and video ones, watching new movies in the unnecessary, huge cinema room. It created a very fun and friendly atmosphere and made me feel more comfortable than ever.

Jude’s parent’s presence, especially his mother’s- was very much appreciated. I loved chatting to her, from the most mundane things, to the things that I was worried about.

Just like the other women in my life, she gave me guidance and encouragement to keep on going and be even better at anything I wanted to accomplish.

Obviously, there was no way we could keep on hiding our relationship from certain teammates Jude was very close with. We'd decided to be open with them, because keeping a 'secret' from them wouldn't exactly give us peace of mind in the long run.

Scratching what I've written down so far, I drop my pen onto the desk. Glancing up at the clock to check the time, and gasping softly when I remember I have a meeting that starts in a minute.

I quickly grab the necessary paperwork, and dash out of the office. Into the meeting room, already full of my coworkers, sat waiting only for me..

"Okay, I'm really confused. Do I have something on my face? Like sauce from lunch or something?" The puzzled y/n asks, turning around in her office chair, only to glance at the busy Lina.

"Uh.." The older woman begins, looking up from her monitor and shaking her head.

"Nope, no sauce. Why?" Lina takes her hand off the computer mouse, sighing before leaning back.

"Everyone has been looking at me, like since- this morning.." y/n rolls her chair forward, holding out her foot, to stop herself from violently slamming into Lina's desk.

"You think? I thought it was because your dress looked cute.."

Lina smirks at her own words, her hand reaching over to grab her purple water bottle, swiftly taking the top off and chugging a couple gulps.

y/n scoffs, glancing down at the dress she's wearing. Yes, of course the dress is cute, that's why she wore it today. But the stares she got were definitely not in appreciation of the cream-colored dress.

"Are you serious? I don't think-"

She's cut off by a loud knock. Both women break eye contact, looking up at the glass doors where someone is standing in front of.

"Jude?" y/n perks up, standing up from her chair and making a beeline towards him. Ignoring the unnecessarily loud and teasing whistle leaving Lina's mouth.

Stepping outside, she furrows her brows, looking around for anyone who could eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Follow me.." Jude can only say, immediately starting to walk down the stairs without sparing another second.

"What are you-" She trails off, sighing in defeat, before following him down, into one of the empty meditation rooms.

She looks at Jude as he locks the door behind them, his hand immediately reaching to wrap around her waist. He pulls her closer than ever, planting a kiss on her lips.

"Something wrong?" She asks, picking up on his stressed out demeanor. Pulling back, she scans his face once again.

"I have to show you something, but don't freak out, yeah? I called your dad already, and he said he'll see what he can do.."

This only sends her into a panic, his warning going over her head as she watches him pull his phone out of his pocket. Arms flexing underneath his training jacket as he moves.

She looks at him with a confused frown on her face, her eyes almost popping out of her head when Jude shows what was so important.

Grabbing the phone out of his hand without thinking, she brings the device closer to her face. A small noise of annoyance leaving her mouth.

It's all photos of the couple, outside during various times they had been on dates for the past- six months.

"This one's from Valencia, and this one's from that night in Mallorca?!" y/n exclaims, hands shaking as she tries to scroll through the other photos. All off guard pictures of them, taken while they were out together, after matches, and even on dates in Madrid.

Noticing how distressed the photos make his girlfriend, Jude grabs his phone out of her hand. Setting it down on the table next to him, he grabs onto her shoulders, making her look up at him.

"It's okay, we prepared for this, remember? I won't let my team put out a statement, apart from legal action. Your dad's handling it with my team, okay?" He brings her frazzled form into a reassuring hug, planting kisses on her cheeks and the tip of her nose.

Of course, just like her boyfriend explains- they knew their relationship couldn't be kept secret for much longer. Jude, being the high profile football player he is, couldn't exactly keep people from prying into his private life.

She knew that the media had caught a whiff of her, even back when they despised each other. The night at Wembley Stadium months ago, had caused a little commotion back then.

The gossip pages and newspapers loved a story containing love, a successful and beloved young man, and not to forget- her having actual connections to the club in both work, and her father's partnership with the club.

To the couple, when they entered the training center or the stadium, they would work at that particular day- it was about work and work only.

When they clocked in, they prioritized working. It would've obviously been very difficult for them to keep their relationship on the low- if they glanced at each other every damn second, while in the same room.

During working hours, they'd greet each other like their other colleagues, acting like they didn't make out the night before in his room.

Unavoidably, the players who knew about them dating, would try their best to sneak little jokes and teases in. The couple would successfully brush off the comments.

Practicing all these months made the perfect facade, but sometimes the jokes were too good not to chuckle, at least very discreetly.

"Okay, I trust you.." She mutters, pressing her face into her chest, a soft hum leaving her mouth. Thoughts and worries swirling through her mind.

"Baby! I'm ready!" I shout, almost falling flat on my face while pulling on my new heels.

These red bottoms were absolute hell to wear, especially since I had just gotten them as a gift, from Jude.

It would take some time before I could break them in, but with how stunning they looked paired with this dress, it was worth the pain, at least tonight.

To celebrate winning the league, Jude and I were finally going on a date. It had been a while since we had been on a proper date night, mostly due to how busy we both have been lately.

Jude with training and I with preparing everything, from interviews to social media posts, and even some press releases that needed to be out before the Champions League final that was in a couple days.

"I'm here.." I walk out of his bedroom, chuckling at the sheer amount of my clothes stuffed in his closet.

We had been staying over at each other's place on and off, but looking at both our closets, you'd think we'd been living together again.

Considering how important the past few weeks had been, Jude had been training a lot. I was especially worried about him and his health, mainly thinking of his shoulder injury.

His doctor and the team's physiotherapist had reassured me personally, but still, I could help but wince every time he touched his shoulder and grunted. Or seeing the multiple, pain-stopping injections, he had to take to play a full ninety minutes.

"You look handsome.." I mutter when reaching the front door, pressing a kiss onto his plump lips, my hands reaching to fix the collar of his button down. My lipgloss leaving a sheen of glitter on his lips, it making me chuckle as he gave me a dumbfounded look.

We’re fairly young, and early in our relationship, we realized that fancy dates weren't really our thing. But tonight was one of the few occasions we'd go all out, and dress up very nicely.

"You look absolutely stunning, love.." He smiles, his hand circling around my waist and down my back, fingers digging into the fabric of my dress.

"Thank you, baby.." I hum, giving him a small wink. A loud chuckle leaves my lips as he attempts to wink back, though, just like every time, it looks like he's got something in his eyes, instead of being cheeky.

"What's so funny, hm?" Jude questions, hands trailing down to grip at my bum, squeezing slightly.

"Mhm, nothing.." I say, reaching up to fix his hair a little. "Should we leave? It's getting late.."

He agrees instantly, and I wrap my arm around his as we walk out of his house. The sun hadn't set yet, mostly because summer was coming soon, and I couldn't wait to enjoy the weather this year, yet again.

"Wait- I didn't grab my keys.." I gasp, eyes going wide as I watch him pull the door shut.

"Oh, you're definitely not driving missy, especially not in those heels.." Jude says, giving me a cheeky smile, and I can immediately sense that he is hiding something.

"You got your license?!" I beam, eyes glistening in happiness. Though, my excitement is cut short when he shakes his head, an embarrassed look on his face.

"No, I did not get my license.."

"Oh.." I say, the corners of my mouth twitching as I hold back a menacing laugh.

"So, you'll be my passenger prince forever?" I bring my hand up to grab onto his bicep, squeezing the muscles as my body leans against his.

"Will you ever stop saying that?" I watch his lips move, eyes glimmering when his lips pull into a slight pout.

"When you get your license, sir. I'll stop calling you my passenger prince..."

"I'm sure you would like a break from it then.." Jude says, his expression changing to a smug one within a split-second, and I follow his lead without thinking.

My uncomfortable heels click against the concrete as Jude leads me outside the gates of the house, a sleek black Rolls Royce parked right in front of the driveway.

"You got a driver for tonight?" I ask, eyes fixated on the, admittedly sexy car.

"Going all out for my lovey tonight. I've got to spoil my girl, always.."

I grin at his sweet words, warmth reaching my face, and I suddenly feel shyness creeping up on me. I shift my gaze for a second, avoiding eye contact with him and staring at the concrete.

"Aw, is my pretty girl shy now? You weren't like this a moment ago, huh?" A soft noise of protest leaves my mouth at the loving words. My breath hitching as he presses a kiss on my neck, right against my jugular.

"Come on, love. We'll be very late to our reservation if I keep you here longer.." Jude gives me a charming smile, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me towards the car, making me forget whatever my thoughts were before he'd made my heart flutter.

"I'm sweating literal buckets. I can't even breathe properly right now.." My eyes immediately shift to Luis, my right eye twitching, just like it has been on and off this entire day. The stress and anxiety of this all had been building up in us both, causing actual physical symptoms to show.

"Ask me about it, I went peeing two times already, and we're just seventy minutes into this match.." I say, wiping my sweaty hands down my black jeans. The laptop and phone on my lap shaking, as I bounce my knee up and down in anticipation.

My heart also leaped in my throat every time Jude got fouled. Checking the stats confirmed my suspicion, he currently is the most fouled player on the pitch.

I obviously knew it was a part of the game, but considering his injury- I couldn't help but be worried.

"Fuck, I swear if we score, I'm going to lose my shit." Luis says, running a hand through his curly hair, and I can almost feel the nerves radiating off of him.

Well, all 90.000 people in Wembley Stadium feel the exact same way right now. From supporters to chairmen of both respective clubs, sitting on the edge of their seats as we all watched the Champions League final between Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund unfold, live in front of our own two eyes.

My breath hitches in my throat as we're given a corner. The grip on my phone getting tighter as Luis glances at me.

"Okay, we got this, Toni's so experienced-"

"Shut up, I'm trying to focus.." I exclaim, grabbing onto Luis' shoulder to calm him down.

"You can't exactly focus with 90,000 people screaming.." He replies, glancing at me.

I open my mouth to speak, but decide to spare my breath, and stop breathing in anticipation.

Right, at that moment, Toni kicks the ball from the corner flag, it flies upwards as we watch both our players and Dortmund players scramble in front of the goal.

Finally, Dani jumps up and GOALLLL!!

The entire Madridista side jumps up in celebration, my devices almost slipping out of my hand and onto the floor as we jump up to cheer as loud as we can.

"I'm going to kiss Dani's forehead after this!" Luis screams, making me choke on my laughter. I hurry up and return my attention back to my devices, as happy as we were, we still had our job to do and execute.

I close my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm down, before we both go back to doing our jobs.

Our wishes and prayers for a second goal aren't that far away, time-wise. Dortmund player Maatsen tries passing the ball, due to a wrong estimation, Jude gets the ball instead, shooting to Vini.

He goes on to score the second banger of the night. The stadium erupts in both cheers of happiness and screams of protest.

It's even louder than after the first goal, and we know it's only a matter of five minutes before our boys secure the victory over this season's Champions League..

y/n fixes her shirt for the nth time, trying to fidget with something before she loses her mind. Standing in the tunnel, she glances at Luis. Both of their eyes glimmering, as they wait for the families of the players to enter the pitch to celebrate the win.

They were insanely busy with handling their work, channelling their emotions into doing their job, to make sure it's all taken care of before they were done for the night. The automated system, consisting of already edited work, would take care of the rest from now on...

"Dude, what just happened?.." Luis whispers, glancing at the equally mesmerized girl next to him.

"We won!" She squeals, letting her excitement and happiness show as she hugs Luis. "Fuck, I don't even know what I would do if we lost. I'd actually be having a breakdown right now.."

Luis hugs her back, patting her head affectionately.

"You've worked very hard, y/n. Thank you for being my best friend and best colleague.." He says, giving her a brotherly smile.

"Thank you too, older brother.." She laughs, voice slightly teasing, as she pats his shoulder.

"Oh, I think we can join the celebrations.." He says, pointing to the families they’ve gotten very close with over the years.

The familiar faces joining their loved one on the pitch to celebrate this huge milestone in their careers.

"Come on.." Luis says, dragging her along and onto the pitch.

She looks around, a permanent smile plastered on her face as she's overwhelmed by the emotions running through her body.

"Dani!" Luis shouts, and y/n watches him run up to the goal scorer, just like his promise- Luis plants a fat kiss on the athlete's head.

y/n laughs loudly at the interaction, making eye contact with Dani’s wife, and laughing even harder at her confused expression.

She shakes her head at her best friend’s antics. Realizing she's alone now, she freezes. Cameras were absolutely everywhere at the moment, and she was absolutely sure at least one was pointed towards her.

The weeks following the photos of their dates being leaked were quite turbulent, with a lot of support, but also criticism- it was very difficult to ignore the reactions.

She wasn't anywhere close to wanting to be a public figure of some sort, so the attention was putting a lot of pressure on her.

But loving a star athlete, like Jude meant having to sacrifice some part of her privacy. If it meant she could run up to him now, and kiss his face a couple of times.

Then screw privacy, she'd throw that all away to get to him right now.

Her eyes darting to the rest of the enormous pitch again, frowning when she can't find the boy she's so desperately looking for.

Finally, after squinting a whole lot, and definitely causing damage to her eye muscles, she finally makes eye contact with the equally lost looking Jude.

He's standing in between both his parents, arms around them as he looks around wearily.

Jude's eyes immediately light up in relief when he spots y/n, mumbling something to his smiley parents before he makes a run for it.

Within seconds, he's by his girlfriend's side, and she jumps up to wrap her legs around his waist in greeting. He pulls her flush against him in a tight embrace. y/n cups his jaw tenderly to place multiple kisses on his face.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, baby.." She breathes out, cut off as he presses his lips onto hers, exhilarating kiss that makes them forget other people are around, and especially the hundreds of cameras and phones filming the pitch.

He catches her lips, plump lips sucking onto her bottom lip before they're forced to pull back for air. They pant, faces warm, and cheeks hurting from how much they'd smiled within the past couple minutes.

"I'm proud of you too, baby. Come on, you're my family too. Forget about work and the cameras here for me, yeah?”

She plants her shoes back onto the grass when he lowers back on the floor. She looks down as he grabs onto her hand. Playing with her fingers as he makes eye contact with her.

Reaching up, she swipes at a piece of grass stuck on his temple, probably from being fouled earlier, she chuckles at the sight, biting her lip.

“Come on, then. Your parents are waiting..” She says, turning and dragging him along the pitch. Skipping towards his awaiting, happy parents. Who look at them with an infinite amount of joy and proudness in their eyes.

“He’s a winner! Jude’s our winner!!”

[five-rivers]

radiology

for @dekalko-mania and @dragonsdomain

Danny looked down at his arm and leg, then up at the ER desk, then over to his mother, sitting next to him, who had witnessed the car ‘clipping’ him.  Unknown to her, it had done quite a bit more than clip him.  Anyone else, and the driver’d have a vehicular homicide charge on his hands, not just a hit and run.  

If she hadn’t been watching– If he’d seen the car– 

Well, then he wouldn’t be in this mess, would he?  He would’ve dodged, or gone intangible, or just hidden the injuries he did get until they cleared up.  Just like he’d hidden all the other injuries he’d gotten that week. 

Although, he could admit that these were pretty bad, all things considered.  Worse than he usually got, which was incredible, considering he’d gotten it from something as banal as a car accident. 

Less banal were the other injuries he was sporting.  Like, new broken bones and bruises?  That’s what he was supposed to have.  That’s what was normal to have after a car accident.

Old broken bones and bruises… He definitely still had the ones from being hit by the car, but they just as definitely had started healing already, faster than a normal human’s ever could.  So had the broken bones and bruises he’d gotten earlier in the week after a particularly nasty fight with Aragon, the bites from the ghost bear, the stab wound from an anti-ghost knife (thanks Valerie)...  But they were still there.  Those would be harder to explain.  If he even could explain them.  

He needed to figure out how to hide all of this.  Like, obviously, he couldn’t hide everything.  He had been hit by a car, and, more importantly, he’d been seen getting hit by a car.  But the weirder stuff?  He could do that.  

“Fentons?” called the receptionist.  “They’re ready with the x-ray.”

“He’s going to need a wheelchair,” said Maddie.  

They got him a wheelchair, despite his protests that he could still walk, and wheeled him over to radiology.  He eyed the x-ray machine with trepidation and distaste.  It didn’t look like much, not compared to some of the machines he’d been in, but that didn’t mean it didn’t have the power to destroy his life.  Metaphorically.  Probably couldn’t do it literally.  Probably.  

A woman leaned into the room.  “Mrs. Fenton, we have a question about your insurance.”

“Right, okay, I’ll be right back, sweetie.”

“Don’t worry,” said the radiologist, who was adjusting something on her computer.  “We’d actually ask you to leave the room while we did this anyway.  No reason to irradiate you today.”

“My jumpsuit would–”

“Mrs. Fenton, the insurance.”

“Yes, yes,” said Maddie, she walked out, leaving Danny behind with the radiologist and the nurse that had helped them back here.  

The nurse helped the doctor make sure he was arranged properly for the x-ray, each limb in place, while the radiologist took a series of images.  Then he got him back into the wheelchair.  

“Thanks David, I think we’ll be okay here for now, if you need to get back to the ER.  I’ll call Molly when Mr. Fenton’s ready to get his bones set.”

“Alright,” said the nurse, nodding.  “You’ll be in good hands, kid, Molly’s great.”

That left Danny alone with the radiologist, who was clicking through Danny’s x-rays on her computer and rapidly paling.  With a flash, he went ghost and phased into the radiologist.  

He didn’t like overshadowing people very much anymore.  It had been fun at first, getting to be someone else.  Like playing a part.  But being the part, being puppeted… That was a lot less fun, and once Danny realized that, he stopped, except for when it was going to save a life.  Or his secret.  Which was pretty much his life.  

He stared at the computer screen.  Overshadowing someone didn’t mean that he knew what they knew.  Not really.  But he did get echoes.  Impressions.  Bits of emotion.  Sometimes, he even got a snippet of something they knew so well that it was basically muscle memory.  So, he knew his x-rays were screwed up, but not in what way, except–

Oh, yeah.  That would do it.  That was probably it, anyway.  He’d forgotten that he’d phased the thermos into his stomach to hide it, earlier.  Along with a couple pencils, a spoon, and various other small objects.  That was probably also related to why his liver felt so bruised…  He hadn’t realized it’d show up in x-ray even though it was intangible, but then, Danny was still visible while intangible, unless he went invisible at the same time, so…  Yeah…  Huh, the physics behind that had to be wild. 

But that wasn’t relevant right now.  He was hurt enough that he didn’t think he could hold onto the radiologist for more than a few minutes longer.  She wasn’t really fighting him, but she had a strong sense of self.  

However… he deleted all his x-rays.  That was step one.  Now, she had to have, like, spares or something.  Something he could substitute in for the images he’d just deleted.  He minimized the window and started looking through the radiologist’s files.  The spares might not have bones broken in the same places… or even broken bones at all, but that was fine.  People got lucky in accidents all the time.  He could play it off as the car not hitting him that hard.  Or something.  

Panic and aching pain may have disrupted his thought processes just a little bit.  

Finally, he found something labeled EXAMPLE 20XX.  That’d work.  That was over ten years ago, for all that it looked like the right file type for the x-ray program, so hopefully the radiologist wouldn’t recognize it.  

He loaded the pictures up and fled the radiologist’s body.  Just in time, too.  As the radiologist was orienting herself, Maddie came back in, a scowl on her face.  However, the scowl quickly turned into naked worry when she saw Danny.  

“Were you able to take his pictures already?”

“Yes, we have a new fast imager.  But these are…”  She trailed off, examining the screen intensely.  

“Is something wrong?” asked Maddie.

“Well,” said the radiologist, “come look.”

Maddie crossed the distance between Danny and the radiologist.  “Oh, thank goodness, I don’t see any breaks.”

“And that would be good, if these were his bones.”

“They’re not?”

“Not unless he’s a thirty-five year old woman,” she said.  “Sorry, this is my sample set.  It shouldn’t be connected to his– Nothing like this has happened before.  I didn’t even have my samples open.”

“Could the undo button help?” asked Maddie.  

“I mean, if they were in here at all, maybe,” said the radiologist.  

Tucker was going to kill him for not restarting that program.  And the computer.  And emptying the ‘trash’ bin.  And probably a dozen other things that would have prevented from the radiologist and his mother being able to restore everything with a few clicks of an ‘undo’ button.  

“Oh, here they are, they’re…”  She started losing color again.  “Mrs. Fenton, do you have any idea what this… what these things are?  Or how he could have…  Dear lord, I think these are more break than bone.”  

Maddie turned to Danny.  Her stance looked casual, but Danny knew she could whip out a gun faster than you could blink.  

“Danny,” she said, “can you explain any of this?”

[writeforfandoms]

Run Wild 5

Find the series masterlist

Your pack insists on making your life both easier and harder, and you're not entirely sure how to feel about things. The situation doesn't improve when you and Horangi go on an op together.

Warnings: Swearing, allusions to animal cruelty, Mink is having a hard time with her emotions, pack dynamics, shifter dynamics, flirting.

Word count: 2.8k

The next few days passed in a blur. You couldn't have recited what you did if someone held you at gunpoint. 

But you didn't spend a lot of time with your pack. The two men. 

You weren't avoiding them, really. Not intentionally. Not really. 

You just…

Your cheeks puffed out as you dropped to the dirt, going through a training exercise with a squad. No König today. No Horangi today. 

Just training exercises.

You just needed to clear your head, that was all. 

Breathing slowly, you focused on your task. Just a little longer and you'd be done for the day. 

At least, that was the plan. 

Until Horangi met you at the end of your exercise, arms crossed loosely over his chest, sunglasses as impenetrable as ever. You blinked at him. 

“Come with me.” He uncrossed his arms, fingers twitching briefly. You nodded, falling in behind him, absently brushing yourself off. 

He led you inside to the offices, though he didn't slow down even as your nose twitched in curiosity. You hadn't been in here often, and you wanted to explore. But Horangi didn't give you any time, just turning down a hallway, expecting you to follow him. 

Which you did. Of course. 

He stepped into a conference room and shut the door after you. König was already there waiting, leaned back against a wall, gaze fixed on the two of you. 

“How are your recon skills?” Horangi turned to you as he asked, removing his sunglasses. The better to watch you, eyes dark and just a little narrowed. 

“Good,” you said slowly, gaze darting between your two packmates. “Better if I can shift.” 

Horangi nodded once, holding your gaze for a long moment before you blinked and looked away. “Good. We'll be going out on recon.” 

“When?” You stood up a little straighter. 

“Tomorrow. Briefing is officially in half an hour.” Horangi took one step closer to you, fingers closing around your wrist gently. “We will be the only two going in.”

“Two?” Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

“I am not as skilled at recon,” König rumbled, faintly embarrassed. “I am too loud.” 

Horangi chuffed, amused and fond. “Two,” he confirmed, still watching you closely. “Will that be a problem?”

“No, sir.” You refocused on your alpha, head tipping slowly to one side. “I can do it.” 

His eyes crinkled the smallest amount, like he was smiling under the mask. “You don't even know what it is yet,” he teased. 

You shrugged. “I can still do it,” you asserted with a brief flash of teeth. “I can do quiet.” 

“Hm.” Horangi nodded again and released your wrist. “Get cleaned up, meet back here in twenty-five.”

You nodded, though for a moment you stood still, just looking at him. His eyes would be covered again for the briefing, you knew. So you soaked in the trust he showed for a moment longer before you stepped around him and left.

You had to clean up, after all. 

But you made it back with two minutes to spare, sinking down into the seat next to Horangi. König was gone, though you didn't have a chance to do more than shoot Horangi a questioning look. 

The briefing was, well, brief. Shorter than you'd expected, actually. You were being sent in to find some information, very quiet. Just you and Horangi, as he'd warned you before. 

You didn't mind. You were good at recon. 

The building was isolated, meaning a trip in a helo, then a drive. The two of you had a few hours before you'd leave, which gave you time to grab a few necessities. 

The knock at your door startled you, and you paused with your hoodie in your hands. But you opened the door after a moment, curiosity winning. 

König stood in the doorway, filling the entire thing, looking even broader than normal. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, seeming uncertain. 

“König?” You blinked up at him. “Can I help you with something?” 

He shook his head, hood shifting with the movement. “Here.” He thrust one hand at you, gloved fingers curled around a piece of fabric. 

You took the fabric carefully, surprised at how soft it was. An old bandana, blue and black. Curious, you lifted your gaze to König again. 

He shrugged, now-empty hand reaching back to rub the back of his neck. “Just in case,” he mumbled, gaze dropping. 

“Thank you.” You pulled it closer, rubbing your thumb against it. “I'll bring it back.”

He shook his head again. “It's yours,” he said, speaking faster now. “A gift.” 

Your lips parted, because that? Was very different from something borrowed. 

“You will be late,” König fussed, taking a step back from the doorway. “Don't keep Horangi waiting.” 

Before you could gather your thoughts to say anything, he was gone, long strides carrying him down the corridor and away from you. 

You blew out a breath, letting your cheeks puff out. Well then. 

He'd given you a gift. Something personal, given how soft the bandana was. And judging by the fact his scent had permeated the fabric entirely, as proven when you lifted it to your nose. 

This was… unexpected. 

But he was right, you didn't want to make Horangi wait. You hurried through getting ready, throwing your hoodie on last. Since this was a recon op, you were dressed down, no longer in uniform. Which suited you just fine. 

Horangi was waiting for you at the helo, dark eyes giving you a swift once-over before he nodded his approval. He motioned you in first, settling next to you for the ride. 

It felt odd to see him without his sunglasses - he wore them constantly, even sometimes in the pack room. 

You only realized you'd been looking too long when one dark eyebrow arched at you. 

“Something on your mind?” The words were almost teasing. 

“Eh. Sort of.” You shrugged, forcing yourself to look away. “Just not used to seeing, y'know, that much of your face.” 

He snorted softly, one hand landing on your knee. “If you spent more time in the pack room you'd see more,” he murmured, definitely amused now. 

You huffed, playing at being indignant. “Yeah, sure.”

He eyed you but didn't push. For once. Instead he kept his hand on your knee for the rest of the flight. 

The drive was a couple hours, and he wordlessly got in the driver's seat, leaving the passenger side for you. You briefly debated laying down for a nap in the back… but gave up on that immediately. You'd rather spend the time with Horangi.

“König gave me a gift,” you blurted, without really meaning to. 

Horangi nodded. “I know.” 

“He told you?” 

“He didn't need to.” 

You eyed him but he didn't look at you, hands steady on the wheel. “Did you talk about it before?”

Horangi hummed softly, gaze flitting to you. “Briefly, yes.” 

You weren't quite sure how to feel about that, and so simply huffed softly. 

“If you came into the pack room more often…” He trailed off.

“You've mentioned.” You blew out a breath. “I guess I'll have to.” 

You almost missed the flicker of his lips into the barest smile. Almost. 

But that humor was nowhere to be found when the two of you reached your destination. Horangi parked the car, and you took a moment to stretch. Dawn was still a few hours off yet, giving the two of you plenty of time to get this op done. As long as things didn't go totally sideways. 

The last section of the journey was on foot, Horangi taking the lead. When he glanced back at you, you could just see the reflection in his eyes, undeniably green. Your lips twitched. What a cat, indeed. 

The smell hit you first, and your nose wrinkled against your will. Filth and waste left to sit too long, the faint tang of rusted metal overlaying it. The animal musk seemed out of place, but then again, this far out from a city any number of critters could be living around the building. The building was long and squat, single story, no lights on. 

“Here.” Horangi stopped at a window that had been left open a crack. “This will be the bathroom.” 

You nodded, recalling the map the two of you had gone over hours earlier. “Ten minutes,” you agreed. 

No more words passed between you as he boosted you up, and you pushed the window the rest of the way open to twist through. It was easier without gear in the way, but also left your shoulders and back tingling with the knowledge that you had nothing but fabric between you and any potential attack. 

But you were good at being quiet and sneaky, as proven when you made your way through the building. Nothing moved around you as you crept down the hallway, checking your doors and corners as you went. 

The smell got worse the further into the building you went. You opened the door at the end of the hallway and paused for a long moment, swallowing hard. 

The big empty room you'd seen in the plans was not empty. Instead it held a dozen or so metal cages, each one housing a small furry critter. A few of them moved as you did, eyes opening and feet shifting. 

Intel had been wrong about this room, and you wished you'd never seen it. But you had to push through to finish your task. 

You swallowed hard and crept around the outside of the room, focusing only on being quiet and avoiding any cameras. You couldn't worry about the animals, not right now. 

The office, at least, was exactly where it was supposed to be. It took moments to find and grab the documents you needed, lips curling. Well. At least Horangi would be pleased with you. 

Doing one more check of the room to be sure you had everything, you turned to go. 

Soft chittering made you stop. 

You couldn't understand the animals in the cages, no more than any human versed in body language could. But you could feel more empathy towards them. 

They didn't deserve this. But you needed to get out without leaving any sign of your passage. 

As much as you wanted to, you couldn't loose the animals in the cages. 

Jaw clenching, you forced your feet to move. Maybe you'd see if Horangi would let you come back and take care of the animals later. That was the best you could do, right now. 

The trip back through the dark building was silent, and you hoisted yourself up to the window, hanging half-out to hand the documents to Horangi. He looked amused when you slithered the rest of the way out. 

“Well done,” he murmured with an approving nod to you. Warmth filled your chest at the simple praise, and you basked in it for a moment. 

“Seemed pretty easy,” you murmured cautiously as the two of you snuck away again. “I mean, for us.” 

Horangi chuckled, dark eyes glancing at you. “Sometimes things are easy,” he murmured. “We're not paying for it.” 

You shrugged. Something still seemed wrong, but if he wasn't concerned, you weren't going to make a fuss about it. 

“You could sleep,” Horangi offered, even as he turned on the car to drive the two of you away. 

“Nah. I'll wait.” You stretched out a little in the seat, head leaning back against the headrest. The sky was just beginning to lighten with the first hints of sunrise, promising more. “Where are we stopping?”

“Safehouse,” Horangi answered, even though you were pretty sure you were supposed to remember that from the briefing. “In case we need to go back.” 

You hummed acknowledgement of that, glancing at him. Time alone with your pack alpha. You weren't entirely sure how to feel about that. 

“Promise I won't bite.” He flashed you a grin with teeth. 

You laughed, quiet but amused. “Ah yes, very reassuring.” 

He smirked, fingers flexing on the wheel. “Nervous?”

“Not particularly.” You grinned. “You had your chance to murder me in the middle of nowhere.”

He chuffed at you, briefly letting go of the wheel to pat your knee. “Won't be my only chance.” 

You laughed as his touch retreated again, leaving you warm and more relaxed than you should be. But you were learning to trust him, to give him bits of yourself. 

It was a heady feeling. 

The safehouse was boring, as most safehouses in your experience were. But it was warmer than outside and had blackout curtains, which would come in handy since the sun was up. 

You left Horangi in the main room to scout the rest of the place. Not that there was much to see - a single bedroom, a bathroom that König would have been absolutely squished in, and a hall closet with spare supplies. Nothing glamorous. But it would do. 

“Get some rest,” Horangi told you, sprawled along the length of the couch like a, well, cat. “I'll be up for a while.” 

You eyed him for a moment, debating how much you could push. “You'll rest soon?”

“Yes.” Far from appearing offended, Horangi smiled, just a little. 

You blinked at him, startled, warmth building in your chest at the sight of that smile. And promptly fled back to the bedroom. 

You absolutely should not like the sight of his smile that much. It wasn't that big a deal. It really wasn't. 

You were still trying to convince yourself of that when you dropped off to sleep. 

You woke before Horangi, sneaking past him to get some water. He'd managed to fall asleep on the couch, legs dangling over one arm, head tipped at an angle and torso twisted into some weird position that only a cat could enjoy. Shaking your head, you twisted the top off a water bottle, guzzling half of it in one go. 

Hopefully the two of you would get to head back to base today. Not that you minded being in a safehouse with him, but… it felt weird. Just the two of you, and no König. 

It was odd to leave a pack member out. 

Which was weird for you - it had been a long time since you'd been part of a pack, and longer since leaving someone out was even an option. All these realizations made you antsy, eager to do something, just so you weren't trapped in your own head. 

“You think too loudly.” 

You absolutely didn't jump at Horangi's voice behind you. You definitely didn't drop your water. “When did you wake up?” You asked him, eyeing him over the back of the couch. He hadn't moved at all. 

“I've been awake.”

“Liar.”

His lips twitched into another smile, small but very much there. You had to look away as heat suffused your face. 

“Any updates this morning?” You cleared your throat, picking up your water bottle and tossing it from hand to hand. 

“Not yet.” Horangi swung his legs around the side, sitting up and cracking his neck. “We'll hang tight a little longer.” 

You shrugged, wandering around the room aimlessly, too restless to settle. 

“Sit.” Horangi patted the couch next to him. “You can answer a few questions for me.” 

Well. That wasn't ominous at all. But you sat anyway. 

“What do you need in the pack room?”

You blinked at him, mouth dropping open a little. That… was not what you'd expected. “What?”

“You heard me.” His lips twitched again, eyes warm with amusement. 

Surprised, you leaned back against the couch, watching him. But he didn't change the question, didn't restate it. Just waited. 

“Not sure,” you settled on, a little cautious. “I don't need much.” 

Horangi made a short, dismissive noise at that. “Everyone needs something,” he insisted, head tipping to one side, gaze fixed on you. 

You blew out a noisy breath. You'd never given it any thought, if you needed anything in the pack room. “I don't… really know,” you admitted slowly. 

Horangi nodded slowly, never looking away from you. “Then we will figure it out.” 

You swallowed hard, the implication that he wasn't going anywhere, that he and König would help, bringing both a rush of joy and trepidation. You honestly weren't sure how to feel, now. 

Fortunately, you didn't have to figure it out. The phone rang. 

You moved away as Horangi made a face, reaching over the couch to grab his pack and the phone. You went back to the window to look outside, only half paying attention to the phone conversation. 

You needed to get your head on straight. Or move. 

“Time to go.” Horangi stood, shouldering his bag. 

You followed him silently back to the car, looking out the window without really seeing anything.

[rosedere]

The Liyue Lotus and the Merchant from Snezhnaya

(Pantalone x Fem! Reader)

MDNI +18

Cw: kidnapping, Stalking, non con elements, Graphic violence (later chapters), Yandere content *will update as the series goes on

Cross posted on AO3

Part1, Part 2, Part 3, Chapter 4. Lotus in Transcience (you are here), Part 5, Part 6, Part 7~

If you like the feeling of a hard rain falling

I have a sea full, I can give you an ocean

We shouldn't have to work so hard to break this wave in our way

Shouldn't wanna walk away so you won't see the fear I face

-

Left stripped of your fine clothes and tucked in was how you found yourself when you awoke.

Alone.

You didn't even hear him leave.

Only being awoken to the mystical light that flooded the cavernous opening around the top of the tower.

Left in the luxurious room from last night you sat up in the expensive sheets with pantalones lingering scent wafting with each hit of the sheets.

Knees tucked underneath yourself as you observed the room you were in.

You assumed the room was violet and dark ebony coded only instead the morning rays revealed the black and red detailing on the wood walls and wood floors of a rich wood most liyue homes did not have.

The canopy a dark gem blue shade glittering in the sunlight around you like gems in a cave.

At this point as you sat slack jawed in his bed you weren't completely sure what you were supposed to do. He left you alone in his bed with no way to get back to the harbor.

You scolded yourself as you realized what you truly did. 

Remembering glimpses of letting Pantalone own you were all you remembered.

So vulnerable to him, you cringe at yourself for even pretending to trust him.

your clothes weren't anywhere, especially not on the bedside where you were undressed.

You were just left to wrap the thick sheets around yourself feeling warm in the cold dewy air beginning to seep into the open balcony across from the bed.

“Good morning my lady,” Galinas cheerful self sang out from the sliding door as she hummed a tune you'd never heard before as she went towards the wardrobe on the south wall.

Instinctively you wrapped the sheets tighter around your chest covering your front as well as you could at the fast approaching bodyguard who was humming unlocking the dark ornate wardrobe.

“My lord deeply apologizes for leaving without saying a word but~” she held her pointer finger up

She hooked her hands on the inside of the carved hand piece outside of the wardrobe before opening the large door to you.

You wouldn't believe your eyes seeing the array of different spectrums of colors and types of fabric stuffed into the medium sized wardrobe with ease.

It had to be more than enough things to clothe a whole village at least.

“My lord has graciously supplied you with clothes to wear during your stay here until his return” she bowed, moving to the side of the wardrobe.

“Wait, stay?” You narrowed your eyes

“Yes! A whole month of relaxation away from the busy harbor” she giggled as she went towards the stone lined bathroom.

You froze.

“The whole month?” You asked a gasp.

Galina turned around to lean against the wood frame to face you.

“Yes my lady, consider this a special privilege” she crossed her hand over her chest.

“I know it seems like there isn't much to do at first glance and all but there's actually a lot you can do around here” 

You only smiled as you clenched the cool sheets harder, your knuckles growing white from your grip.

“Now let me get your bath started so your day can begin” Galina exclaimed before going inside the open bathroom in front of where you were sitting.

“You know—Galina— I think I can dress myself and shower for the day” 

The rustic golden faucet was already turned on to your dismay as the sound of water filling echoed into the room.

“Please Galina” you begged, glancing towards the bathroom entrance.

“Nope! My lord said that me and fedor are to treat you as he would if he was here” Galina’s voice echoed.

You groaned but after a few moments of waiting you decided to wrap the sheet around yourself before you finally joined Galina in the restroom.

“Please” 

Galina turned her face being obscured by her fatui mage mask leaving it a mystery what she was truly emoting beyond you.

“No ”

“Such a stubborn lotus lián ” 

“Our lord wasn’t lying when he said you were modest”

Galina shook her head as she felt the warm steam spiraling from the stone carved tub of dark stone. 

“But-”

“No buts” 

Crossing your arms you stayed sulking across the bamboo lined bathroom watching the water be filled with different oils and some unique cubes that smelled of warm custard and vanilla began to color the everclear water with a ivory shade.

“The water should be perfect if you want to get in” Galina lifted her hand from the water moving towards the tall ornate rack beside the stone tub.

“Or will I have to push you in” 

“No-no i'll get in just…”

Galina raised a brow from over her mask.

“Please turn around” you awkwardly asked.

“Of course my lady” 

She turned towards the wall staying firmly in place while you untied your sheet covering your body leaving the sheet on the cool marble ground, sitting on the edge of the ledge you let your toe test the water before completely submerging into the milky, fragrant mixture.

“Is the bath to your liking my lady”

You looked back towards the wall to see galina with the utmost patience at the spring wood on the wall.

“Its very different than what im used to”

You completely sink your chest under the water letting yourself be soaked in the small white petals swirling in the water.

“You know you can turn around Galina” you reassured

“Ah of course my lady”

You could see the dark violet flash of her cloak as she faced you standing in an attentive way.

“Lián”

You only looked over the steamy bath towards Galina.

“would you feel comfortable for me to wash you?”

Your face heated at the suggestion only making an awkward sound from the back of your throat akin to gagging.

“Is this a snezhnaya thing or something?” You gawked.

Galina only laughed allowing you to hear her laugh for the first time since she had become your bodyguard of sorts.

“i'll assume you've never been bathed before my lady lián”

you only sunk into the water even more.

“Trust me once our lord returns you'll have more than enough baths you won't ever go back to those cold streams you bath in” 

Your mind blanked out at the mention.

Cold streams…

Silently you looked over at galina who was grabbing a small wash cloth and different tools you saw once in a high end salon where Yelan and Keqing had gone to.

“How did you know about that”

You lifted your knees to your chest.

No one knows about my childhood 

Galina only brought the items to the natural stacked ledge besides where you were soaking, humming a small tune as she grabbed a stone like item.

“I've heard from different subordinates that Liyue uses cold streams of water to shower; I just naturally assumed my lady”

She grabbed your arms closest to her, extending it before the rough surface of the stone rubbed over your arms.

“I hope I didn't step on your toes”she quickly added apologetically.

you shook your head watching as she scrubbed your arms and back with the stone and washcloth.

“No not at all” 

Galina only continued to scrub you in the tub idly scrubbing away at your skin.

“You should relax lián; you know it isn't good to be this tense” she pressed into your legs.

“I'm just… thinking” 

“About what my lady?”

“If it's about the banker he should be barely leaving the harbor right now”

“What do you mean? Wasn't he supposed to be gone early in the morning” you turned your head inquisitively to Galina still carrying on rubbing the rough stone on your feet.

“He was but… he had something to take care of first in the harbor before he left” she murmured lowly.

You hummed in acknowledgement; galina grabbed your feet from the tub leading them to the cool natural ledge before she began to give your feet a pedicure of sorts.

“Oh wow your feet seem awfully rough my lady” galina poked and prodded at your feet.

“A bit unfitting for the harbingers fiancee” 

You began to furiously blush before you puffed your cheek.

“I'm surprised a apothecary woman would have feet as if they've ran around in rocks all day” 

“I travel around the harbor a lot” 

You purse your lips together.

“Well thank goodness we have a whole month to spend together. I can make you look like a princess by the time our lord comes back” galina happily continued scrubbing your feet.

“Yeah”

Thank goodness 

-

“Are you sure I need all of this to go to the harbor” 

You pulled at the loose peach and orange train pooling around the entrance of the veranda.

“No no Lián, leave the dress alone!” Galina exclaimed from behind you running up the stacked staircase where your dress was currently laying.

“But this seems so… dramatic for a trip to the market” you frowned.

You looked down at the flowing dress you wore. this one being more summery and bigger on you with colors that reminded you of a sunsettia, the fabric wrapping around your neck covering your chest and eventually being tied in a ribbon on the back of the skirt of the dress.

“Remember what I said Lián~” 

Galina retired the ribbons on the back of your dress.

“Princess training began this morning!”

She said with her hands on her hips.

“Whatever i'll just got find Fedor this instant to free me from this torture ” you walked up towards the steep steps leading inside.

“oh you think he isn't in the know lián?” Galina giggled

“He was the first one I explained my plan to” 

You stopped in the doorway crossing your arms.

“Lián, are you ready?” Fedor's voice came from within the hazy sitting room ahead of you.

Moving out of the way for your bodyguard as he materialized from fire energy next to you this hood covering him as usual.

“Of course, but I'd like to ask if I can go back home first to collect something ” 

Fedor and Galina stayed silent at your request.

“Im afraid—”

“We can't let you go back to your previous home”

You raised a brow.

“It's not that we want to but our lord explicitly told us to keep you here”

“In your new abode” 

You sighed, “well if he said so I guess i'll wait”

They only both continued in front of you as they guided you out from the cave into the cavern opening.

The clouds were low making it hard for you to determine the exact location you were at, a path presumably leading down the mountain was the only notable thing you could take note of.

A small carriage was waiting in front of the large rocks lining the entrance of the tall cave. A few agents standing guard next the carriage looking to be regular fatui soldiers as they each nodded as you strided past, your two guards following diligently behind you.

When you reached the carriage you were about to step inside when the door opened only for you to be stopped by fedors large gloved hand on your bare shoulder.

“My lady wait—”

Ruffling in his coat pocket he pulled a dark blindfold out.

“I'm sorry we must do this as a security measure my lady”

He wrapped the blindfold around your face, securing it behind your ears.

Unfortunately it was thick enough to not see much under or over the opaque cloth.

Presumably Galina grabbed your hand leading you into the carriage along with Fedor carrying the length of your dress into the carriage.

Sitting on the velvet seats you felt the carriage go forward carrying on the descent down the mountain.

Trying to notice the different twists and steep turns you listened for anything to give a hint on where the mountain was.

“Once we get to the base of the mountains we should be able to free you from the blindfold” fedor spoke from your left side.

“And then we should be at the market in about 20 minutes,” Galina spoke from your right side.

You nodded fiddling with the loose fabric around your lap as the carriage continued a while longer around a turn.

“So….” 

You cleared your throat.

“Does all of pantalones conquest get this treatment”

“My lady! You are not just a one night stand” Galina nudged your arm.

“yes my lady, you are his beloved”

“I'm going to assume he just told you to say that in case I asked” you shrugged, “besides i'm sure he's got many choices in snezhnaya”

“please my lady don't be so modest”

“I'll try ”

Finally the carriage took a swift turn before you felt fedor grab your blindfold.

“The harbor awaits” 

You felt the blindfold come off seeing the familiar harbor you'd seen for many decades.

Your home 

The market near the bustling harbor was the first stop, many different wares were brought since it was the first of the month allowing you to walk the pier system below and look for exotic wares you couldn't afford usually.

The only perk to pantalone. 

The stares of the people around you was a massive weight on your shoulders.

A few vendors assumed you immediately to be royalty or from the few families of wealth in the harbor.

Others looked and leered at your guards surrounding you as you went to food stalls to get different foods.

But you didn't see the pair of eyes you needed to see.

Only, luck was somehow on your side.

Galina suddenly stiffened up as she got behind you, her lantern brimming with electricity crackling around you causing you to jump away.

Unaware of what was happening you tried to move forward to see what she was preparing to fight you felt Fedor grab you moving you away towards the alley next to the tall tree above the market.

Peeking over the tall fatui agent you were able to see the millelith 

Finally they noticed 

You didn't know Galina could fight until now; the clash between the spears and her electricity struck the soldiers before it’d disperse violently in dark purple and electric blue hues lighting the colorful market as she twirled and generated more electro energy.

The immense number of millelith swarming the area grew as Galina tried her best to take them down one by one,

Seeing her grow sloppy in her movements you watched Fedor stealthy disappear into the shadows casted underneath the sparse trees.

Reappearing amongst the millelith was all you saw as him and galina began to fiercely fight on against the barrage of assaults occurring around you.

A blue thin line was casted around your waist, the familiar thread like luminous blue strings glowed around you before you were picked up from where you were standing against the vacant alley.

Elemental energy vibrating around your arms as you suddenly found yourself on the rooftop of the shipyard.landing with a rough thud you were brought to your knees as your flash of orange and blush dress fell around you like a vibrant flower petal on rooftop shingles.

“Huh I guess I was worried for nothing” 

A familiar mischevious voice approached behind you.

“All dressed up and well fed” her manicured hands picked up the orange train on the back of your long dress.

You rose to your feet only glaring back at your lavish boss a sight you wouldnt admit was welcomed.

“Yeah, yeah— why the sudden rescue? You said you'd never interfere in any operations unless…”

Your eyes widen with realization as you turned to yelan.

A grim expression on her face as she looked you deep in your eyes with sincerity.

“So the worst has come upon us then?”

“Worst I fear” yelan exhaled

Worst news than we can imagine 

-

Pacing back and forth combing your manicured nails through your hair nervously, you couldn't stop yourself from shaking as you looked over to the sprawling deep navy ocean in front of Yelan and yourself.

“What the hell do we do? Pantalone left to snezhnaya this morning”

“He could be resuming his hunt for the rest of us right now and we wouldnt even know” 

The wind picking up;feeling the breeze flow through your dress. 

“Your thinking is too grim (name)” Yelan crossed her arms before sitting on the raised shingles of the roof.

“Lau, Dan, and Lo are missing; not dead as far as I know” 

“yes but five of our subordinates are dead. They could be bodies floating in Qingxu pool right now” you scratched your neck.

“If it's the fatui i'm next and eventually…”

“You” 

Yelan only laughed a hardy loud laugh as she clenched her stomach.

“How dare they think they can take me down let alone take you too” she wiped a tear from her eye.

“No,the worst news is going to be what i'm about to tell you”

You only frowned before nodding for her to continue.

“Your going to be solo for the rest of this mission indefinitely”

“your dead in the water (name)” 

disbelief was all you felt as you clenched the sides of your head.

“So what, im just stuck with that harbinger until when?” You fiddled with your hair.

”I’m sorry (name) I can't pull you out until we catch The Regerator” 

“The risk is greater than you can imagine; if he finds out your working for us he could hold you hostage or worst”

Shaking your head in disgusts you didnt bother answering only letting your head fall, staring at the few trees below.

”I know you have your vision, if the worst comes up I know you could protect yourself”

”don't even bother”

You stood up on the roof letting your dress billow behind you as you approached the ledge of the roof.

”I’ll take the Regerator down by myself, no vision required”

looking around you saw the ally you were previously corralled in before you took one step back.

”see you” 

Jumping from the roof into the alley with your dress made a parachute like effect, gracefully landing on your sandal clad feet onto the stony road.

It seemed the millelith was gone but your guards were frantically searching around the small market square, their obvious hoods looking around the few stalls that were still present from the fight that probably ensued while you were gone. The thought to slip off once more came to your mind only to be abruptly stopped.

Despite the lingering spite of yelan pretty much abandoning you 

Her warning was what stopped you.

you were indifferent about taking down the Regerator at this point; but the overwhelming question of where your three coworkers were.

and hoping the worst wouldn't happen to you as well.

“Lián!”

Galinas iron grip around your arm was all you felt as she dragged you out from the shadows into the bright sunny day.

”Thank Archons we found you”

Fedor quickly rejoined you from behind as he inspected your bare arms and face.

“It should be safe now lady Lián, apparently we were confused for a few other fatuus that were wanted” Fedor began to guide you along with galina towards the main road to the harbor.

”But there shouldn’t be any more interruptions,” Galina chirped from beside you.

nodding was all you could say, or all you were free to say.

[mdhwrites]

Have you seen the leaked TOH pilot and pitch bible yet? IMO it’s crazy how most of it is better than the final product.

I have! And... I don't know if I entirely agree with that.

What I found most fascinating about it is that a lot of the contradictions and issues of scope with TOH that doomed it are still in the pitch bible itself. Just some quick examples of what I'm talking about: When talking about themes, they talk about Fantasy versus Reality but it's as shallow as it is in the show. After all, one of the episode concepts pitched within it features a plot that has Luz literally going "This is just like in my fanfiction!" and being better able to handle it because of that.

It builds up the emperor of the land and Belos (known as Oberon) when talking about them but NONE of the plotlines include Oberon in the episode pitches or even mention the coven system for that matter. They are still barely a thing to the show with the only episode concept about that part of the show being the one about William.

An utter lack of real stakes like how King has to face the deep crises of a decision of either being a lackey to the people he used to run with while also losing any chance to ever reclaim his lost power... Or he can save Eda and Luz and lose the chance to work with these people again. That's not really a compelling decision, is it?

The pitch also claims that the show will mostly be about Luz and Eda's relationship and how Luz's determination will push Eda to be a better person... And most of the episodes pitched are still not actually about the two spending time together. Just Eda making Luz upset so she goes off to do her own thing, just like the same problem as in the actual series.

You actually have MORE characters in this version which sucks harder for trying to narrow things down, especially since more of them are disconnected from each other than before. At least Boscha, unlike Pascha, has a connection to literally anyone in the main cast.

You also have stupidity with your magic still. "Look! I need to work hard to make small objects float!" And apparently that's enough to make all of Hexside lose their fucking minds. WHY!? In 90% of settings, that is as basic as the light spell Luz learns. It's why it's one of the first spells Harry learns.

Oh and let's not forget "Almost all known portals to the human realm have been severed" but apparently Amity has access to one of those known portals freely enough to attend two schools. It's a small thing but it would cause problems in theory.

BUT.

I will give credit to this: Luz is MUCH more compelling in this version. I think if there is something that is just unequivocally true, it's that. She is way less inoffensively nerdy, instead her interests being more upfront and troublesome, helping explain why that would be why she is rejected and not because, you know, she puts people in danger. Also her rise to power is just better.

Arguably, Luz in canon is a chosen one essentially from episode FOUR onwards. Now, this is up for debate but being given a power almost out of nowhere, with no training, that no one else has, is usually a sign of a chosen in a narrative. Episode 4 is when she gets the light glyph. She doesn't work for it, it's not a big character growth moment, etc. like that. She mostly just oops into it. Making it that Luz ACTUALLY has to work for her magic and the show actually has to explore how the magic works, making it so she has something to learn is just strictly better, especially for the concept of her learning to be a witch. Eda would actually be able to teach her something instead of shrugging and going "Welp, good luck!"

I will say that the bible does also lean more into an adventurous aspect though. This version of episodes would easily be more fantastical and include more magic in them which would help the Isles not feel so much like our realm. I will say the fact that there's also active anti-human prejudice also would be good because then Luz being human would, you know... Matter. Not that the Isles is really given a personality even here besides the oppression they're theoretically under. It's still a very generic fantasy setting.

A lot of the rest though? It's really not that unique or different from the show itself. Lilith is almost exactly the same, Tibbles is just Gus but a demon, there are slightly more restrictions on things like being human or magic but, you know, the show didn't care about its one law, why would it care about three? Even Amity, who does look better on here, is only because it's on paper. This is literally just Amity's pitch in S1 after all. All the reasons people loved Amity are here.

Conceptually it is fine but I am surprised about how not only this got picked up but also how it was greenlit so heavily as to get a pilot animatic, with voice acting, based on these concepts. There's just some very clear cleaning up that needs to be done, basic questions on its own setting and own logic that isn't even playing into the comedy/fantasy angles that could let you let it pass. It's not all of them or even the majority but a skeptical prereader could even raise these basic sorts of inconsistencies like the ones I brought up above. After all, this is half a season's worth of episodes pitched and a fifth of them are still going to Amity and more of them have Luz directly interacting with King than they do Eda.

There's a final thing I have to bring up due to it being why I think the show changed so drastically from this pitch bible to its final form: This is way more complicated. TOH already has extremely decompressed storytelling and too many elements working in tandem. Meanwhile, every character is MORE complicated in this one and less connected to each other, necessitating that each, except maybe Eda, will take more time to get through their stuff. The writing team either had to sharpen how much they could do in an episode or simplify and congregate elements. We see this a LOOOOT in S2A, especially Escaping Expulsion, where it seems the writers went "Even with three whole seasons planned, we don't have enough time to do everything we want to, the way we like to, so we need to start cutting and simplifying even more than before."

One example of this that's really easy: In the pitch bible, Willow is a random witch who lives near Eda. Well that means she'll likely either take time out of a couple episodes as she's introduced or take up an entire episode just for herself. Tibbles is also just on their own, like in the show. Introducing both of these characters is not really an option. However, put them both into Hexside and suddenly you can introduce three characters at the same time organically, like we saw with I Was a Teenage Abomination.

Luz just being gifted magic is another element to this. Her having to actually experiment for every spell and having to have a real system to her spells limits what she can do but also means spending a LOT more time on her magic. You can't just have a flower open up and give her the glyph of the day as easily, nor have her be able to throw her spells around as she wants. Making it so she just needs reams of paper and/or a marker makes it a lot easier and simpler to have her start casting magic.

This version of TOH would have SHATTERED under its own scope while the current version mostly bends and cracks from it. However, if people do use this to go "FUCK DISNEY EVEN HARDER!" I won't be surprised. Grand scope ALWAYS looks better on paper than it does in action. It sounds epic and multi-faceted and complex. The problem is that it still has to fit its format and it is MUCH harder to execute on than a more simple concept.

There's a reason the only perfect project is the one you never do because you can promise the world without ever having to deliver. So, while it's nice to see an earlier version, I am by no means going to say this would have been a better version of TOH.

======+++++======

Sorry for anyone hoping for a link to the pitch bible btw. I just don't have one as I got given it as a document.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 9 EDITION -- SEX, RELIEF, HYPOCRISY, AND A MEDITATION FOR THE HOES

There's a lot to dig into, so let's git it. This episode was more complicated than it actually seemed on the surface -- THANKS, TOP.

@lurkingshan and @respectthepetty came OUTTA the GATES as soon as yesterday's episode dropped, swinging their chanclas at the hypocrisies that larded this episode. Shan read almost every last one of these motherfuckers for filth in her post, naming Atom (there goes my NeoTitle dreams already) for unfairly shaming Boston; Ray, for clearly cheating on Mew; and Sand, for equivocating Ray to Boston -- all while Boston is actually still clearly communicating his preferences to not date, despite people all around him judging him for the sex he has. RTP Senpai points out that Sand is pissed off at Top for stealing Sand's ex-boyfriend -- but that Sand full well knows that while he's sleeping with Ray, Ray was technically still dating Mew. So -- is Sand stealing Mew's boyfriend from Ray? Why, oh yes he is, and Sand ain't holding himself accountable for it, Big Boba Kanaphan Eyes.

Hypocrisy. It was the name of the game of this episode. Or.... was it? It was actually way more complicated than that.

Atom in particular, just like -- where's my chappal -- but let me get back to him in a sec. As the hypocrisies were starting to click in, I saw something else going on in this episode, an opposite to the hypocrisy. I saw some clear revelations, and a learning and leaning into love through the inexperienced eyes of Mew, as compared to the painfully experienced eyes of Yo.

The episode started with Mew waking up at the hostel, unaware of Top's behaviors after Mew passed out at the Halloween party. (Top, by the way, was just -- CHEF'S KISS -- drippingly condescending, hypocritical, and sneaky this episode. Force just laid it awl out. What a performance. More on this in a bit.) Mew parties with Yo, who is like, the friend we need the MOST in this series, and asks her about whether or not he SHOULD like Ray. And Yo has to remind Mew to check himself before he wrecks himself over any sense of obligation he may have to Ray.

Yo's starting to help Mew's thoughts tickle away from obligation to a reality of his heart. At least -- one reality.

I thought of this scene when we went on the camping trip with Sand and Nick, and we had, I think, the best scene in all of Only Friends so far (cc @wen-kexing-apologist and @lurkingshan who were very, VERY right) -- in Sand and Nick clicking into their moment where they're both single, they both real cute, and why don't we see if something's there? Because that happens among friends, sometimes, and if you don't try, you won't know, right? Especially in a queer friend community that will almost always be smaller than a het community, making love that much harder to find. So you might dibble and dabble with your friends here and there.

And they smooched, and they laughed, and they were like, this doesn't work, and they laughed more, and moved on. And they were just so mad cool about it.

The way that this particular line of engagement ended with two pairs -- with Sand and Nick finding clarity, and Ray and Mew together at the social services office and communicating, to confirm that Ray and Mew just would not work together -- was a kind of relief that I haven't experienced in Only Friends yet. The slight lift I got from seeing these considerations and interactions reminded me of how I felt when the tide of trauma began to turn in Bed Friend, where the second act of that series was just trauma pummel after trauma pummel -- how much more could Uea take, I wondered. As we saw, in this episode of Only Friends, clarity roll through SandNick and RayMew, I felt relieved that there was some closure, somewhere, among some of these individuals who had tried, even ever so briefly, to pair up.

But -- this being Only Friends, heh -- it was not only relief that I felt in this episode, but we also still saw a lot of sticky toxicity and hypocritical judgements.

Atom couldn't just leave Boston ALONE. As ever, Boston has communicated to his hook-up that he's not a dating guy, not a relationship guy. And Atom doesn't take the hint.

I love that at this point in the series, at episode 9, we STILL have people judging one-night stands as "awful." What a stark reminder of the ways in which people use judgements against sex to forever condemn those who choose to engage in casual sex.

After episode 6, I wrote a little about the phenomenon of having "feelings" after sex. Many, many people have a biological urge (or even a socially expectant urge) to care/have feelings for for the person they have slept with, whether they had sex after a one-night stand, a friends-with-benefits arrangement, sex in a relationship, etc. Others, like Boston, don't.

Either of these phenomena are okay and utterly normal -- as long as you're accountable to yourself for your feelings, and not placing on anyone else any obligation to respond to those feelings that are only emanating from you, yourself.

In other words: even if Atom had "feelings" for Boston after sex -- what is Boston's responsibility to respond in kind to those feelings?

Boston had the right answer to Atom here. Boston says to Atom: no one (meaning, me, Boston) asked you to care for me. And I'm not here to hold that caring for you. I don't owe you that, Atom. That's not what's assumed when two people have sex as casually as we did.

Compare this to Nick's farewell monologue to Boston (right before Boston is about to have a hook-up, oh my god, Nick). Nick had a thing to say about his feelings ("I like you, Boston, and I am sorry for everything I did, and I am going to move on from you"), he said his piece, and he moved on.

At first, I was CRINGING at what was happening, because I thought Nick would make an embarrassingly grand and dramaaaaatic farewell, of a kind that I saw many of my drunk girlfriends make to their exes at bars when I was in my 20s, all with an intent of making their exes feel guilty for the break-ups that had previously happened.

But Nick, in that moment, actually owned his feelings, despite the timing of the conversation. And we saw Boston respond, ready to approach Nick -- and Nick had bounced and moved on with Daddy Dan, right then and there.

What a MIRROR of behavior between Atom ("Boston, you owe me") and Nick ("I thought about this, and I'm going to end it, for your happiness and for mine"). While Boston and his reputation still remain as a kind of bottom standard for people who want to feel superior when they compare themselves to him (ex: Top, Ray, Sand), Boston himself is direct about his feelings, or lack thereof, and Nick demonstrated that he himself has moved on from equivocating about a feeling of like/love that at least, he thinks, is not there anymore. (Which, from Boston's eyes -- we know now is not the case, as Boston continues to give hints of regret.)

I gotta tell y'all something. I was a party girl, like this group of friends, in my 20s. And I was heavily judged for being a ho. The terms slut, ho, whore -- were all used to describe my behavior in dripping judgement that I wasn't, instead, seeking safe and Puritanical monogamy. I was having fun with and in sex, and I was very heavily judged for it. Maybe, in part, it was because some of my friends had a harder time finding sex? Perhaps. But because sex is so EASY to judge, based on the majority popular judgements against sex -- isn't it easier to roll with the tide, than to think outside of the box and to not judge someone for having casual sex?

While Boston's ho reputation precedes him -- it is a reputation based on an unfair, almost Puritanical judgement against sex, and against people who have sex. (Once again: hello, Khai.) I give major applause to the hoes in this episode of Only Friends. All while people around them are judging sex, and judging people like Boston for having sex: Boston and Nick are not hiding anything -- they are not trying to equivocate away their actions. Their own timing isn't right. Nick knows he's about to go and hit that with a new dude. But they both have clarity about what's happening inside of them at their given moments, and they've become better about communicating what's happening inside of them over the course of the series. It's yet to be seen if the timing will work out for Boston and Nick -- but they're inching towards a clearer line of openness than we've seen in the past.

So. While awwwwlllll of this is going on: Top continues to try to infuse himself in Mew's life. Man. THIS GUY.

Top? Shut the hell up. Condescending foo. And then showing up to invite yourself to accompany Mew's moms? All while Mew doesn't know that you crossed his boundaries the last episode? And that you recorded Ray smooching Sand? Stooping to the very same tactics that got you, Top, caught? AND YOU CALLED A BOOTY CALL? While trying to win back Mew?

And...... amazingly. For Top, it worked. Or at least, it was working for a second. Mew was reconsidering.

To me -- in my opinion -- Top's behavior seems conniving, sniveling, more about winning than about love. But he also knows that he still has a hook in Mew, and was pulling rapidly on the fishing line.

And Mew... Mew began to follow that fishing line again, showing up to Top's building, and hopping into that elevator, with another person that Top had on his hook. And, good lord, now with Mond (MOND!) in the mix, we're going to have ANOTHER dramatic pile-up next week.

God, for me, while there were these notes of relief in this episode, these moments of clarity among people like Sand, Nick, and Boston, I just, like, wanted to tear MY HAIR OUT when I saw Mew and Boeing both approach Top's door at the same time. What the fuck will happen next.

And while Top will try to convince Mew to stay with him, surely, in episode 10 -- Top will also continue to judge Boston to Mew, I am sure. Top will judge Ray. Top will try to "heal" and "protect" and "take care" of Mew.

Top, leveraging judgement against sex by others to build up his own supposed moral and ethical fabric, "taking care" of Mew and leading Mew to think that Top is still a viable candidate for dating -- Cheum even interprets Top's behavior at the Halloween party as "taking care" of Mew -- will it come crumbling down as Boeing the Ex shows up for a little boing-boing?

Dudes, I have no idea, because Top keeps catching breaks! For people at The Top -- that's so often how it works in society, no?

Like I said: this was a hella complicated episode. We have three more to go. This episode captured in a snapshot a group of gloriously imperfect people making equivocating decisions as they bumble along, minute by minute. SandNick and RayMew got CLARITY. Boston got CLARITY on his feelings for Nick. Cheum is getting CLARITY on her association with the hostel. Atom got CLARITY on where Boston stood. I don't know that we have CLARITY on SandRay yet, but.... I dunno, I'll let the capitalists at GMMTV decide that, ha.

Where we don't have clarity is now with Top and Mew, with Top acting clearly duplicitously, and how Mew is going to manage this latest fall-out. I have no idea if Boeing will serve as competition to Mew, if Boeing will be the lug nut in the polycule we're all dying for -- I have no idea. I just know that Top -- who purports himself to be above all moral judgement, winning the hearts and minds of at least two moms from out of town, wtf -- will face yet another challenge in winning Mew's heart that he likely has a stronger chance of winning, due to his station in life. Top was about to come out on Top in this episode, and I wouldn't be surprised if he hangs on for another playoff win next week. We shall see.

I'm tagging the Ephemerality Squad in permanent fury over the permanence of people judging sex, let's go! @ranchthoughts @chickenstrangers @twig-tea @distant-screaming @thatgirl4815 (THATGIRL WITH THE THEORY THAT BOEING MAY NOT BE THE EX THAT TOP AND SAND SHARE, OH SHIT!) @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @wen-kexing-apologist @clara-maybe-ontheroad @kayatoasted

[all-hail-trudos]

The way Zelda redditors behave like BotW is going to be the template for future titles is absolutely hilarious. They are convinced that Nintendo is done with classic Zelda elements forever. TotK proves it! Never mind that they can barely agree on whether this even deserves to be called a new game or overpriced DLC. Or that Nintendo themselves have said that this was a very big experiment, where they let a team comprised of mostly younger devs run the show, and the director of BotW has actually left the company to go work on Infinity Nikki of all things. I don't know what the future of Zelda is going to look like. I can't see Nintendo just walking back everything they did in BotW. (And they better not. Skyward Sword is the worst mainline Zelda title, and BotW was the exact opposite of the hand holding the series had gotten really bad for). However, we can guarantee one thing for sure. The open-air game concept that specifically defined Breath of the Wild and its direct sequel Tears of the Kingdom is not simply going to be the new template for the series.

I could leave it there with a "because Nintendo said so" but it's midnight and I'm already making bad decisions, so I'm going to go one further and back this up with a second supporting argument. That's not how Nintendo as a company works. That's not how they've ever worked. They stopped doing rational, clear iterative upgrades when they followed up the Gamecube with the Wii. The Zelda series itself has constantly been one of self reinvention. Ocarina of Time is incredibly special in that Breath of the Wild is the first time they've so clearly broken away from the model it set. But when you look at the rest of the series, it's obvious BotW was the biggest experiment, but not even remotely the first. Majora's Mask turned the main gameplay concept on its head by putting everything on a Very. Tight. Timer. When you hit midnight of the third day, that was it. Rewind or die. All your progress was reset except for your sword (iirc), your masks, and your rupees if you put them in the bank (because the banker was a time traveler?). Wind Waker flooded the whole continent and had you sailing around on a boat, using a proto-physics system to fill your sails. The wide open world of OoT was gone altogether, and Princess Zelda didn't show up until halfway through the game (we won't talk about what they did to Tetra). Twilight Princess made the game super linear and made Zelda herself almost secondary to the plot. Actually, TP almost feels like the most direct callback to OoT with the doubling down on horse mounted combat, an art style that looked more like it next to whatever WW was doing (but which would ultimately age a lot worse), dungeons that also felt more directly inspired, and a combat system that was a little less fluid and reactive. But it also had Link temporarily become a werewolf, and gave us an egregiously underappreciated Spaghetti Western shootout that came out of nowhere and was all together too brief. Then Skyward Sword came along, which was the least reinventive of the bunch mechanically, but which did at least try to turn the classic narrative on its head. Also Zelda went from being barely there to being a driving character in the narrative. And she walked so BotW Princess Zelda could run. That said, imho, you can see why they leaned so much harder into experimentation with their next game that nearly skipped a whole console generation, because by SS the series tropes were getting a little too strong. The series was actually drifting into iterative territory, and that's not the typical Nintendo way. Especially not with one of their two core in-house franchises.

(Please don't bring up Pokemon here. I know it's Nintendo's third core franchise. But please remember, Zelda and Mario are solely owned by Nintendo, while Pokemon is at this point is at the center of an entire corporate conglomerate, which Nintendo is only part of).

I get that some people didn't enjoy BotW. I can sympathize with the people who did not want more like it and who were consequently less than thrilled by TotK's arrival. But bemoaning the fall of the franchise and saying Nintendo is going to be like Ubisoft, EA, and all the other trend chasing studios out there is really going too far. Nintendo has spent too many years baffling investors to start doing that now. Yes, Tears of the Kingdom exists. No, it's not proof of the trend. It was a planned sequel (itself an enormously rare concept in Zelda history). You can't make a planned story and gameplay sequel to a game and just throw away the concept you're following up on. That would be an enormously bad idea. (Worse, even, than trying to make your sequel game stand on its own for new players and erasing nearly all memory of Link from the same people he helped save. I love TotK so much, but I am not blind to its flaws, what few there are).

ALSO yes Echoes of Wisdom has Zelda stacking beds into a diy staircase. NO that doesn't mean we're seeing a return of this apparently beloathed systems-based physics gameplay in 2D fashion. If there were physics, the beds would have fallen over. That's like calling Minecraft or Dragon Quest Builders a physics based exploration game just because they have objects you can stack. That is the dumbest take I've seen come out of a community that is profoundly skilled at coming out with dumb takes.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

reserving my complete opinion until the end of the two-parter, and this is very much a matter of personal taste, but... i'm not sure how much i like gods and magic in my doctor who. like i enjoyed what they did with impossible planet/satan pit because the whole point was the doctor trying to incorporate the actual devil into his worldview. but hmmmmm, i'm not sold with what they've tried to do this season. i wasn't sold on the toymaker, or the maestro, or this guy. the best episodes for me were the ones that leaned more into sci fi and historical fiction.

it's harder to put my finger on what else bothered me about that episode. i think it has something to do with the MASSIVE cast. i like doctor who best when we have really interesting and compelling stories for a few select characters, and the twists of the plot are character-based. which maybe they are here, more than i think they are! it is a two-parter.

idk, i just miss the groundedness of, say, the series 3 finale. we had solid foreshadowing of the fob watch and harold saxon, and the payoff of that was excellent. the drama was EARNED. martha, jack, the doctor, the master, lucy, and martha's family all felt like they had a point being there, and nobody else could fill their roles. in contrast, with the unit gang in this episode, i think we could cut out like 3 people and just share the dialogue and responsibilities among whoever's left, and it wouldn't make a difference. and i don't think the red herring with susan (a classic who figure) and the reveal of sutekh (another classic who figure) was foreshadowed or reinforced effectively enough to justify the drama of this episode.

i don't want to rain on anyone's parade, just genuinely trying to work through my thoughts on this one! would love to hear input from other fans :) i love this show very much and i love talking about it, even if certain parts aren't working for me.

(also, my dad who grew up on classic who and raised me on new who is going to have a lot to say about this i assume. i feel like if i did watch classic who, the gods and magic stuff would be a lot less jarring)

[aihoshiino]

this is more of a thought project than an actual question, but what do you think it would've been like had aqua's decision to reveal the identity of his past life to ruby backfired upon him? i'm not sure if the possibility would've even existed in the first place given how much sarina idolizes (haha. idolize.) goro, but i like to think about it sometimes because ruby has known the man as "aquamarine hoshino" (guy who is unfailingly stubborn and even frustrating at times) longer than she's known him as "goro amamiya" (a mostly well-adjusted guy from her perspective) and also because ruby has always been my favorite of the hoshino twins and i'm trying to cope with her characterization as of late. sobs

NGL, I do kind of think that Aqua's decision here has already been backfiring even if it doesn't seem quite as apparent on the surface. As Kana points out, while Ruby is acting fine and happy now, her leaning on Gorou-through-Aqua hasn't really addressed the core issues that are impacting her mental health. That relationship is kind of her single point of failure right now and the moment it's taken away from her, she's going to collapse.

This is why Tsukuyomi described Aqua revealing himself to Ruby as a 'bad move'. Sure, it got her back on her feet and ensured the movie would get made with her in the lead role but it has also made her incredibly reliant on the supposed promise that Gorou would marry her when she turned 16 (which, uh, isn't even what he said…!) and his presence in general. But Aqua's plan has been all but textually stated at this point to end in his death which, as I'm sure you can imagine, would be probably not great for Ruby's mental health to begin with but especially now she knows he's Gorou…!!!

That said, it is interesting to roll around a scenario where Aqua drops that reveal and Ruby rejects him… either out of not believing him or because his behavior as Aqua has shattered the pedestal she had Gorou up on. The idea of a version of the Movie Arc where Ruby is still in black hoshigan mode, playing a version of Ai who comes across as flawed, bitter and unsympathetic as a result of Ruby's own inability to be vulnerable… ouughh now we're fucking cooking….

That could be a really fascinating parallel to how Ai was rejected by everyone who saw her as she really was under her idol persona and you could have a lot of fun tying Ruby's gradual understanding of and empathy with Ai and her growing anger with regards to her exploitation to her realization that her all-or-nothing view of Gorou is similarly dehumanizing. Holy shit, now I'm imagining a version of the Movie Arc where Ruby keeps her black hoshigans all the way up to 134 and it's that moment of connection with Ai as a human being that finally breaks her out of it.

Like, holy shit. This is already an incredibly powerful and moving series of pages, but can you imagine just how much harder they would've hit if this had been when Ruby's white hoshigan had blazed back to life? WE COULD'VE HAD IT ALL.........

[symbioticsimplicity]

Tumblr, I have like...the weirdest question to ask you all. And I don't exactly know how to phrase it.

What...no, I think where exists the sexual being threshold for clowns?

See yeah no I don't know how to ask this, let's--

Here, visuals can only help us:

Here we've got these guys. They have all the classical halmarks of being a clown. Colorful face paint, big red nose, off-putting clashing outfit, the works. On most people's Sexy Meter or whatever, they're rating pretty low. Might even hit creepy for some folk.

But then we've got like, I dunno, this fuckin dude:

Definitely still a clown, and creepy as all hell arguably. But. BUT. There are plenty of people who want to fuck him, I know it, I've seen the fan art.

Could be the monsterfuckers I hear you say. You're probably right, but that's not the only flavor of clown I see folks wanting to get freaky with.

I think I've figured out my actual question now, the pictures helped.

How many clown traits can something have and still be sexy? And which ones are they??? And just maybe, what the fuck is it about a handful of clown traits that makes people lose their shit???

So. We have a baseline. Normal ass Bozo lookin headass clowns.

Now, lets shuffle to the far side of this horrible, horrible scale I need to make.

I would be remiss not to mention her for a question like this:

Arguably Harley has the least amount of clown traits while still being associated HEAVILY with clowns. Previous iterations of her have leaned harder into the clown theme, although she's more of a jester but fuck it same circus.

Regardless of her clown genus, Harley is arguably the best example of the Clown Sexiness cross over bullshit I'm talking about. She was also built with the intention of making her sexually appealing and she happens to have the least actual clown traits.

Now is that...related??

Recently I've been watching a lot of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss (which is probably what triggered this whole clown sexualization crisis nonsense). There are a LOT of characters in that series who resemble clowns heavily and are also still considered to be sexy.

On the lower end of the clown scale we have:

The Morningstars. Both Charlie and Lucifer’s faces resemble clown makeup strongly enough to immediately make one think of clowns. Lucifer is dressed like a fucking ringmaster and both of them are very silly MOST of the time. They're both considered attractive.

But then you've got these bitches:

They are VERY clown. Pretty sure they're based on clownfish even. They SING about being clowns.

Still hot!

But Symbi, I hear you groan, they're traditionally attractive women, of course people think they're hot. That's why. It overides the clown. That's it.

EXPLAIN. HIM.

This fucking dude is AGGRESSIVELY clown. He probably has the highest quotient of clown traits of the regular Helluva Boss cast. He's a weird little gremlin and I KNOW people want to fuck him real bad.

Is it because they've minimized the obtrusiveness of the clown? Moved away from the traditional and into stylization and thus transcended the barriers of clown? Is it cause they're all skinny and white?

I'd probably pack it up there with that as an explanation if I hadn't had to sit through THIS FUCKING DUDE taking over my dash for weeks:

I don't know a goddamn thing about One Piece but I know everyone was so fucking horny about this clown for...just a long ass while.

Now HE has even more prominent clown traits than anyone since Pennywise tbh. He's serving classic clown cunt like he's the last circus in Clown Town. Surely he should have been in the same camp as the baseline guys.

And yet. AND YET my very vivid memory of the fever dream that was watching a chunk of the internet simp for him tells me that's not the case.

So. Where the FUCK is the line?? Where do we stop wanting to fuck clowns? Why do we START wanting to fuck clowns?? Where in the god bedamned hell do ICP fall on this... clown fuckery scale. Please don't answer that one.

I don't know the answers to any of it. I just noticed that people find it sexy when people do the big lipstick with the points at the corners and that shit looks like stylized clown makeup. Now I'm drowning in clowns and questions.

Help.

[leviadraws]

Ik you said it's hella subjective but I'd love to see why you assigned each card for each character, i always find it fun to see what goes behind artist's minds n stuff :]

Oh go on you've pulled my leg /lh, I do have some notes on what's to come. Some of my picks might be considered a little ...spicy?

I was gonna put in the ones I'm more solid on but I ended up getting carried away and putting them all down haha. Yes I got way too involved reading into this, under cut as it's long and contains some spoilers.

Fool - Kiyoka: So you could likely argue either Yuki as the fool, since the tarot is often called the fool's journey. But I'd just taken the interpretation as the beginning, so I picked Kiyoka as the beginning of the series.

Magician - Syobai: I can hear it already, why isn't it Mikado? He's a literal wizard! But like while you could stretch the heaven and earth thing to be the real world and virtual one the kinda core traits of the magician don't really match up with him.

The magician is all about using everything in your arsenal to move forward, and taking every chance you get, and to me that reminds me of Syobai's journey from abandoned to the cut-throat person he ends up being.

High Priestess - Mikako: The priestess represents knowledge or a lack thereof, so it felt like it suits Mikako because she has her memories and knows who's responsible. There's also an element of mystery to it, so it works in the way that she can't reveal what she knows.

There's also a line for the reversed card about choosing to trust someone against your intuition or what others say, which is kinda like what happened with her and Utsuro + Akane when they're in hope's peak.

Empress - Setsuka: The empresss pretty much boils down to being kind to yourself and others, so I picked Setsuka as the big sister of the group and her battle to keep the group together.

Emperor - Shiji: So this one was harder, since the emperor is a little stoic and reversed emperor is tyrannical, such that Tsurugi would fit better. That said, the positive parts of it are more leaning towards Shinji and his role with the gang (Yuuki especially), he's their rock and their guide. It also means we get big bro and sis as empress and emperor which is kinda cool

Hierophant - ???: It feels like I should pick Kinji for this, seeing as he's the religious figure and this is the religious figure card. The hierophant is about taking the well-trodden path, do things by-the-book per say. Someone who's a good colleague or mentor. So I guess that could be Kinji?

Lovers - Haru + Satsuki: This one is kinda self-explanatory, there's not a lot of depth to this one haha. That said, there's a section of this card that's about finding out what's important to you by looking inside yourself so it fits nicely anyway. It's kinda the opposite of the hierophant, who find their way through established outside paths.

Chariot - Rei: The chariot is about having the willpower to overcome obstacles without distraction, so that fits Rei and her mentality to reach her goals no matter what pretty well.

Strength - Ayame: Strength is strength when facing adversity specifically, remaining calm even when facing a horrible struggle. Reversed strength is about insecurity, and a lack of confidence in one's self too, so I really like it on her.

Hermit - Sora: While the hermit can be associated with someone who likes to be alone, the whole thing about finding your inner self works nicely with her amnesia and drive to figure out who she really is.

Fortune - Yuuki(SDRA2) + Utsuro: I feel this one is more obvious, but the fortune refers to swings of good or bad luck. Reversed fortune feels particularly apt for SDRA2 Yuuki, as it's about uncontrollable change, and he's constantly a puching bag for all the horrible things that are out of his control.

Justice - ??? I feel like Kakeru is a cop-out here, and the theme doesn't actually suit him all that much. Justice is kinda the karma card, if you've done something bad your comeuppance will come, if you've been wronged your time for justice will come to you.

I've considered Kizuna for this one, as she has both done some awful things, been kinda in denial (or pretended to be) about those things, and shown that she was willing to take steps towards change. I'll likely come back to this one at some point

Hanged man - Teruya: The hanged man is someone who realises that sacrifice is necessary to move forward, this was one of the first ones I had decided on /lh

Death - Tsurugi - the reason Tsurugi isn't emperor or justice is because he fits this a lot better, the death card is about change or the resistance to change when reversed.

Temperance ???: Calm, someone calm who stays in safe waters and doesn't push the boat out.... I'm not sure tbh, possibly Kanata?

Devil - Kanade: Beyond the obvious, the is a theme with the devil card to addiction and obsession. You get the idea

Tower - Hibiki: Kinda funny that they're next to each other, the tower is like a huge change causes your life to fall on top of you. While the card itself isn't that drastic it works nicely for Hibiki.

Hajime also works well with this card, as a tower can represent a looming disaster and what you can do to avoid it too.

Star - Yoruko: I originally had this one as epilogue Yuki/Sora, but as the only survivor to not be as fucked up or on the run I think Yoruko sutis. The star is about hope and carrying on with your life after the events of the tower card.

Moon - Yuki (DRA) : So this one was kinda hard, I chose Nikei for this for a while, but his motivations are more rage related and don't really line up with the theme of the card. The moon is a card about taking the uncertain path, hidden truths and self-deception.

Sun - Yamato: What we're told at least of Yamato matches up with the sun a fair bit, someone with deserved confidence and success. I'm not very confident on this one, but I'm struggling to pick someone who hasn't been picked yet.

Judgement - Akane: Based off chapter 6 mostly, and her choice to save the others in the end. But also her choices in the start and how much she seems to regret them

World - Mikado: do you have any idea how much it pains me to give the wizard a card? /hj

That said, the world is completion and achievement, and so I wanted to give it to Mikado as someone who believed that had completed everything as planned, but had the wrong goal post from the start. It also felt apt for him to have the last card in the deck.

If I manage to get through all of them in like, a year(? most optimistic timescale ever haha) I'd like to do the minor arcana too, I'd like to end up with every character represented at least once

I'm likely to redecide on these at least 50 more times over the course of this project lmao

[zahri-melitor]

Dark Nights: Death Metal:

Well, this was an event that accomplished what it was intended to do (set up Infinite Frontier) but also was incredibly full of itself and self-referential. You know when you go into a story and the story itself has tie-ins making fun of how overblown this all is, it probably should have been reined in harder.

I do think there were some cool designs in this story, but the problem was that a lot of it was purely hung up on aesthetic, rather than any level of in-universe reasoning. The redesigns exist for the Rule of Cool, not for any storytelling reason. There wasn't any real consistency to who had a redesign and who did not. Which, when you're dealing with a full-DC universe event that is busy talking about COIE, Infinite Crisis, Dark Crisis and Dark Nights: Metal, means several characters were already appearing in multiple costumes when talking about the earlier events, making things even harder to track (for one example, Mary Marvel appeared as a tiny background image in both her red and her white costumes in a double page spread, because she wore different ones in different Crises. This is both attention to detail but also something that is going to confuse people). On top of this, Greg Capullo being the artist on the main book meant that there was no hope of telling characters apart by facial features, which when you've changed someone's costume and hair style, makes life even more difficult.

I also think part of the problem and clear reliance on the Rule of Cool was that, after inventing a whole Justice League of evil Batmen for Dark Nights: Metal, none of them other than The Batman Who Laughs did anything in this event other than sort of decorate the scenery. You spent an event and series of one-shots designing these characters 2-3 years ago and they're not even being used, in favour of newer Evil Batmen versions? And event TBWL gets a whole makeover and redesign by getting his brain implanted in a Dr Manhattan clone body. Like, what is the point in getting invested in these characters.

Why does Diana have blue-ombre hair and an invisible magic chainsaw. Why would Diana want to have an invisible magic chainsaw. What about Diana's character, the diplomat, peace advocate and negotiator, suggests her approach in this situation would be to feel she needed to have a chainsaw as her main weapon. This is the sort of problem the event's dealing with.

I think it was an epic-scale event, but the main emotion I had coming out of it was 'I don't care' in regards to all the fighting. I don't care about there being a Batman-version of every single possible hero and villain across the Multiverse and Dark Multiverse. I don't think it provides an angle for particularly interesting commentary, and the event didn't even properly dig in and interrogate what this means about how DC as a company leans into the Bat franchise above all others.

The Batman Who Laughs' first appearance in the entire event was explicitly saying "I know you're tired of me but look you're back reading me again!" and it's like...thanks, genre-savvy Joker!Batman, but I'm not actually here or interested in reading this for you. I'm working through this story to see what particular strings are being pulled to change future storytelling.

I think when you look at some of the structural moving parts of the event, such as the various links of previous big events to damaging the Source Wall, how that led to Perpetua getting free, and the process of saving and rebuilding the Multiverse, the discussions of where they’re taking the now Omniverse, there was an interesting epic plot under everything being used to justify the moves wanted from the event. The intent to shake-up the status quo and restore more of post-Crisis in characters' memories was something that had been drifting around DC for several years at that point, with some characters explicitly getting post-Crisis memories back via various means.

But it's such layers of 'doesn't this look rad? I think it does!' on top of the bits of plot I actually cared about.

I think there was some more interesting work done in various tie-ins and backups as writers used the space to interrogate some ideas (or in the case of Joshua Williamson, get on with the Wally West Rehabilitation Project). I have a soft spot for using the setting to allow some people to have necessary conversations they would otherwise avoid. And I’m a sucker for a good splash page full of a dozen different variants of the Titans over the decades.

But oh it was the sort of giant event where it felt designed to fuel comic book debates. Why is Sgt Rock here as narrator? Because we’re including everyone! Even though I think most active fans of the character are probably in their dotage now, we have to include all our different facets and genres. Including the old military comics.

I know I’m usually more positive than this, and look I did get emotional in the final quarter of the story, as everyone but especially Diana prepared to sacrifice their lives.

I just feel there was a lot of red herrings and page time wasted on concept art that was ultimately meaningless.

[mwuaferrari]

QUESTION...? — LANDO NORRIS

summary: Lando and Maia had been friends with benefits for a while. A relationship where she gave a lot and received little. Where he was focused on his work and was the only thing that had his attention. And where he realized too late what he had before he lost it.

pairing: lando norris x maia (reader)

words: 4.6K

warnings: Some bad words, a lot of angst, toxic relationships. Also, English is not my native language, so any spelling or writing error is the fault of the translator hehe.

notes: Attention with his friend Aurora, MAYBE she will appear in a following story with another driver;)

MATERLIST TAYLOR SWIFT SERIES

------

Lando and Maia had mutual friends, she was friends with Max Fewtrell so it was almost impossible that they didn't know about each other. They officially met at a party where Lando was DJing for fun. It was when he saw her in the crowd dancing with her friends, wearing an orange dress and moving freely as if there was no one else around her. 

He never stopped looking at her and he didn't mind looking like a psychopath, even when he was sitting at the bar he couldn't take his eyes off her, not even with her friend Max's comment about it. “You're already being weird. If you're not going to talk to her, please stop staring at her like that." 

So Maia felt a gaze on her and she surveyed the place for a few seconds until she found curious eyes a few meters away, barely visible among the crowd and the darkness of the place. 

Suddenly she began to walk towards them at a steady pace, and at that moment Lando thought that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. 

—Hey Max! It's been a long time since we saw each other.—The girl gave the man a warm hug. 

—Yes! I think the last time we saw each other was at that festival a few months ago. How have you been? This is my friend Lando, by the way. 

—I've been wonderful, actually. Thank you for asking— Without stopping smiling, she directs her gaze towards the brunette, who was in a kind of trance— Ah yes, Lando, your friend who is now a driver in Formula 1, or am I wrong? Hello, nice to meet you. 

Lando is still in shock until his friend elbows him in the ribs. 

—You're a Mclaren fan.

—What? 

—No, it was a joke. You know, because of the color of your dress. It's the same color as my team, Mclaren, orange— After Lando's answer, Max hits his face with his hand, embarrassed. Then he walks away from them, getting a confused look from the other two. 

—Sorry, that was so stupid. You're so beautiful and I was just trying to flirt. 

Maia finally laughs. 

—Let me tell you, you're terrible at flirting, and I'm also more of a Ferrari fan type, I'm so sorry. But thanks for the compliment, you're cute too.

Just a couple of minutes later they were both in one of the on-site bathrooms, sloppy hands trailing over each other's bodies eagerly as they desperately kissed.

6 month later

“We had one thing going on, I swear that it was something ´cause I don't remember who I was before you painted all my nights in color I've searched for since”. 

Maia and Lando continued to see each other, but their relationship hadn't fully progressed. They had decided to remain a kind of friends with benefits. Neither of them were really looking for a relationship; Lando just wanted to focus on his Formula 1 career, she was scared of how well known he was and what it would do to her fans to see him with someone like her. But she was in love, finally she fell harder, while he looked less and less interested. 

—I should go, it's late.—Lando says as he play with her bra strap. 

—Why don't you stay?—she asks carefully, already knowing the answer but wanting to try to get him to stay anyway. 

—You know I can't, darling, tomorrow I have to travel and the next day the practices start and… 

—...And you have to rest, I know.—She stands up a little and leans on her elbow to look into his eyes. She raises her hand and begins to caress the curlers of his hair lovingly.—But you can rest here anyway. You can sleep with me, tomorrow we get up, I can make breakfast and... 

—No, I'm sorry.—He was already pulling away from her touch and getting up from the bed as he put on his clothes that were scattered around the room.

—What?— her voice muffled by her blankets. 

When he finishes getting dressed, he turns to her, curious that she didn't respond to him. She always insisted for a while, but now she had gone quiet, lying back down and pulling her blankets up until they were completely covered up to her head.

—Maia...

—Honey please, we've talked about this before.—he says in an obviously tired voice.—You knew the terms when we started, I have to do my best at my job, and I can't… 

—I know, just go. 

—Come on Maia, don't be mad.—Lando finally walks over to the bed again and tries to pull the blankets off of her. As he does, she quickly turns her back on him, trying to hide the tears that streamed down her cheeks. 

—I'm not mad Lando, it's fine. Go away, it's late— And she wasn't lying. She wasn't angry...she was sad. 

He stands there for a few seconds looking at her, then sighs heavily, takes his things and leaves the apartment. 

“can i ask you a question? (...) did you leave her house in the middle of the night?” 

Two days later Lando and his teammate Daniel meet in the Mclaren garage by chance while resting in the gap between practice 1 and 2. 

—And when will you bring your girlfriend to the paddock?—The dark-haired man asks as he finishes lacing up his shoes. 

—She's not my girlfriend, I've already told you thousands of times. And I also told you not to say it so loud... 

—Why? Don't you want people to know you have a girlfriend?— He teases him as he stands up and looks around the garage. 

—Daniel… 

—Bro, I don't understand why you make such a big deal, would it be so bad if you guys were officially a couple?

—You know that I want to concentrate on my career mainly. If I have a girlfriend, I am going to lose focus on what I really have to pay attention to. 

—Come on Lando, she's magnificent and she only brings positive things to your life. I don't know why you would think that being her boyfriend could negatively influence your work if all she does is give you love. Who is the person who is constantly supporting you in everything? Who is the one who is always believing in you when you don't? Don't let her go my friend, you would be very stupid if you let her go. Give yourself a chance.

When Daniel finishes speaking, a smile on his face as always, he gives Lando a friendly pat on the back and walks away from him. 

That's when the gears in Lando's little head begin to turn. It's true, you are his motivation to continue, to be the best. Maybe Daniel was right, maybe they could take the next step. But Lando had one thing clear: he had to start putting more of his part, because he was aware that he is the one who gives less in the relationship, and she did not deserve that. 

He spent Friday practicing, qualifying Saturday finishing P7. He finally made it to race day Sunday finishing 5th. He couldn't get Maia out of his head ever since, but it wasn't a distraction, it was a motivation. So after his celebrations in the paddock, Lando decides that he is going to send her a message. Upon unlocking his phone, he sees that he already has a message. 

By Maia to Lando: Hey, congratulations on the race, you were great :)

By Maia to Lando: By the way, I want to talk to you about something. Let me know when you have time and I can call you X

By Lando to Maia: Hello sweetheart, thank you very much, I'm very happy… I was going to say exactly the same thing. I will be at the hotel at approximately 8pm, do you think I should call you at that time?

By Maia to Lando: 8pm is fine :) 

So as soon as Lando gets to his hotel room, he takes a shower as fast as he can. When he finished, he changed into comfortable clothes and took his phone to dial the girl. A couple of rings later Lando can hear Maia's voice through her cell phone. —Hi, how are you?—she starts. 

—Great, and you?— There were a few seconds of silence in which she didn't answer, so he spoke again— I miss you.

—Lando... I want to get straight to the point, I need to talk to you because I feel like if I keep this up, I'm going to explode.

Lando's heart shuddered at the sound of her overwhelmed voice. 

—What happen? Everything is alright? Did something happen to you?— He hastened to say. 

She took a few long seconds not knowing how to start. 

—Princess?... 

—Lando, I don't want to do this anymore. 

It took him a moment to absorb her words. 

—What do you mean? 

—”This", Lando. Us. I don’t want to keep doing this. This friends with benefits thing that we have.

 He gets up from his bed where he was sitting and starts to pace the room. This wasn't supposed to end here, he wanted to tell her that he was ready to make the first move, ask her if she was ready, and promise her that he was going to give more of his part. Give her everything she deserves

— I'm sorry, I would iked to tell you in person, but I don't think I can. 

—And may I know why you want us to end this? 

—Why? Lando, this is poisonous. See you just when you have time and then we have sex. You are worried about your work 90% of the time we spend together and I have always supported you. I have given you all of me. But the problem is that you don't give anything to me, and I don't deserve this. 

Lando swallows hard when she finishes speaking. He knew that everything she said is true, he was more than clear now. But he was ready to fix it, even if it was too late. 

—I, today I spoke with Daniel and now I know that…—He couldn't speak, he didn't know how to tell her that he didn't want to end this, that he wanted to have her forever with him and that he wanted to give her all the love she deserved.— Maia, please, just give me another chance, I... 

—Stop please, no…I can't. Let's leave this here. I wish you the best in your career and in your life, goodbye Lando. 

—Maia?...

There was no answer. She had cut the call. Heart in his throat, he got back into his contacts and dialed his friend and teammate. 

—Hello boy, how are you?

—Daniel, I'm stupid.

.…………………

Lando thought that from that moment it would only be possible to see her on social networks, and he did so. He constantly stalked her instagram account to see how she was doing, and he saw her happy and enjoying her life. 

Maybe this is for the best, he thought, maybe it's for the best that we're apart. 

On the other hand, Maia thought just the opposite. She missed him to death. She missed his voice. She missed running her hands through his hair. She missed talking to him about petty things. She even missed when he left her house late at night. 

She hadn't stopped seeing him at the races. Lando was having a rough patch and she just wanted to go, hug him, kiss him and give him all the words of support that she always gave him. But then she remembered how bad the relationship was and just doesn't feels right.

One day she decided to stop watching the races, hide his Instagram posts so she could forget about him. So she spent some time and she thought she was over it, until she got a call from Max Fewtrell. 

—Maia! How are you? 

—Hey! I'm fine, now I was tidying up my apartment a bit. How have you been?—She answered as she walked into her kitchen, sitting in one of the chairs. 

—Fine thanks. Hey, you know, in a week I'll be in your city, and as you may know I'll be on my birthday. So I'm going to have a party at a friend's house, a simple barbecue with some friends. Obviously you're invited, I'd really like you to go. 

—You know I never forget your birthday, and just send me the address and don't doubt that I'll be there.

—Cool! If you want you can take some friends with you if you like… But he will be there, I will fully understand if you don't want to go. But like I said before, I'd love for you to attend. 

—Don't worry Max, I'll go anyway. It's all okay now.— This was more to convince herself than her friend.—Thanks for letting me know, anyway. 

There were a few seconds of silence. "He". It obviously meant Lando. She would see him again. Would she be up for it? 

That week Maia tried to convince herself that everything would be okay. That she would see him again and that she was not going to fall back into his arms. 

Until the day, she thought that it would be best to text Max and tell him she was sick. He wouldn't believe her, that wouldn't work. 

—Maia, I know that face. You're not regretting it, are you?—Her friend Aurora watched her from the bed as she finished her makeup. 

Max had told her that she could bring friends, and Aurora would be the perfect friend to support her in situations like these. 

—Yes. I want to go, I really want to go. But I'm afraid. 

—Hey, I'll be with you, I won't leave you alone at any time. 

So it was. When they arrived at the place, both entered with their arms intertwined. Maia unconsciously started looking for Lando through all the crowd, but she couldn't find him. 

—Maia, nice to see you!—Max had approached both girls and gave the named one a big hug. 

—Happy birthday Max.— She told him seconds later slowly moving away from the hug.— I brought you this, I hope you like it. 

After a thanks for the gift and a brief introduction from Max and Aurora, the boy told them to make themselves at home and that whatever they needed, they should look for him. 

The party venue was a big house with an even bigger yard and a swimming pool. Outside was where most of the people were as they were having a barbecue and that was where there was an immensely long table. 

The day passed and passed and there was no sign of Lando. So Maia began to relax little by little. They both socialized with a couple of people, the atmosphere was great. 

—Hey girls, come and sit!— A man told them at one point. So they walked over to the table and sat down. Minutes later everyone was eating, laughing and talking to each other. 

—The star has arrived!—someone yelled. And that's when she heard his laugh. She would recognize him anywhere, anytime. 

—Sorry I'm late, I had some car trouble so I asked Charles to give me a ride.

Most of them turned to look at Lando, but she refused to do so. Lando for his part had not yet noticed her presence as he approached Max to give him a big hug. 

That's when Lando noticed her, she glanced at him as she continued to eat her food. The boy opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, wanting to say something but not finding the right words. Max across the table noticed this situation, so he quickly tried to fix it. 

He bumped a couple of fists as he searched for a free seat. Maia knew that the seat to the right of her was free, but she refused to believe that she was so unlucky that it would be the only one empty.

But yes, she was unlucky. 

—Henry, would you mind trading places with Lando?—he asked a random guy. 

—No Max, don't worry. Everything's fine.—Maia thrashed internally. Why did she say that? Maybe because she wanted to prove, and prove to herself, that everything was okay and that she was over it. Lando takes a seat and everyone goes back to their conversations before he arrives.

On her left side, her friend Aurora was peeking at her for any sign of discomfort. He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze to remind her that she was with her. 

The atmosphere continues as before with everyone talking to each other and Maia begins to let go as before Lando arrived. 

On the other hand, all Lando can do is look at her out of the corner of his eye. He had only given his food a couple of spoonfuls, had no appetite, not when she was inches away from him after months. 

Lando felt his hands itching to touch her, it only took five seconds of her touch to heal him completely. He couldn't stand it, his body screamed for it. He slowly brought his hand closer to her under the table. He started with small brushes and seeing no negative reactions from her part, he continued to do so. 

Maia felt it, of course she had, but she wanted it to appear unaffected, following her conversation with Aurora as if nothing was happening. In the next second, she felt his hand much firmer, now on her knee, where he gave a squeeze. That was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back of her sensations. 

She automatically jerked his hand away from her and Lando freaked out. She just gave him a "enough is enough" look, and she went back to some random conversation she was in. 

“Did you wish you'd put up more of a fight? When she said it was too much? Do you wish you could still touch her? It's just a question…" 

……………………………. 

After everyone finished eating, they began to slowly stand up and spread throughout the house. Lando lost sight of Maia when she went to the bathroom and thought it was the perfect time to find her alone. But he couldn't, Aurora was always there with her. She was now literally waiting for her at the bathroom door, as if she were her own bodyguard. 

When Maia came out of the bathroom, they both headed downstairs under Lando's watchful eye. He quickly approached them. 

—And then I told her to follow me, and she didn't listen to me, so she stayed locked up and…

—Hello girls. Maia, can we talk for a second?—He cut them off, getting right to the point. Both girls were surprised by the sudden appearance of the brunette. 

—Hello, of course.— Maia replies nonchalantly without moving. Then Lando looks at Aurora out of the corner of his eye. 

—But in private. 

—Anything you want to say to me, you can say it here. 

—But it's about us, please... 

—Yes, ummm. About that…I wanted to tell you that you can go get your things at my apartment— Lando wanted to reply something about it but she immediately continued speaking— Next week I'll be traveling, so you can go and enter with the key I gave you. 

When she finished speaking, both girls looked at him waiting for an answer. 

—Okay.—He said simply.

—And when you go out, leave the key on the table, please.

So it was. A week later Lando headed for the apartment he had so often left late at night and where he had left her with a cruel sense of loneliness. 

When he entered the place, the smell of her filled his nostrils. He took a deep breath and began to gather his things quickly.

But before leaving, he left the key on the table, just as she had asked. And along with that, he left a Formula 1 VIP pass in an envelope along with a note. 

"Hey, the next race will be here in Monaco. I'll leave you this vip pass so you can go if you want. I know you always wanted to go and I never took you because I'm stupid. Max and other friends are going too, so you can go with them to feel comfortable.

X 

PS: Don't feel obligated to go support me or anything, it's just so you can go have fun and watch the race :) Also, I know you're more of a Ferrari fan :) 

-have fun, Lando."

 …………………………… 

Race week 

Before qualifying, Max and three other friends came over to say hello to Lando and to give him good luck, but Maia wasn't with them. He didn't want to ask Max so as not to seem desperate, much less he was going to send her a message to harass her. 

After a tough lap battling the Alfa Romeo drivers, he was knocked out in the first round of qualifying, finishing 17th. He staggered out of his car, whispered a simple “sorry” to the people in the garage, and then headed off to his driver's room, waiting for the time to go to his hotel. 

After having a terrible night, the next day he arrived at the paddock with a zombie face and a mood worse than a zombie.

Until he saw her, she was wearing a flowing white dress, a small purse and his black converse. She was walking with Max's friends laughing at something he had said. 

—Lando, there you are, little star!

—Hey guys, good to see you.—He was just looking at her at that moment.

—I heard you got P17, I'm sorry. I hope today is a good race for you anyway, you can get to the pole if you put your mind to it and you know it.

And there she was. Lando's heart sped up when he heard her voice.

—Thank you Maia, I really appreciate it.

She saw Lando's face, he was defeated, and she knew that all he needed was a few words of support. 

—Lando, we need you here, please.— Some Mclaren engineer called the boy from the garage. 

—Bye guys, see you later.—Lando said a quick goodbye as he fist bumped the men. When he got to Maia, he was dying to hug and kiss her, but for obvious reasons he opted for something simpler. 

He took one of her hands in his in an awkward move. But as they walked away, they both slowly let go, feeling every inch of each other's skin. 

Max, who had watched this interaction carefully, looked at Maia. 

—Everything is alright?—He asked her, to which she only responded with a nod of her head. 

They then walked around the paddock some more and went to their places before the race started. 

Maia's anxiety was at its peak as they were waiting for the lights to go out for the race to start. As soon as the race started, Lando quickly moved up to 2 positions. By lap 20 he was already in 10th place. In front of him was Max Verstappen, who wasn't having a good races lately like he usually does, so unfortunately on lap 30 he started slowing down little by little until he stopped his car at a side of the track. 

With a yellow flag as Verstappen's car was taken off the track, Lando took advantage of pitting to change his set of tyres. In front of him were 8 cars and he began to overtake them easily, receiving many compliments from the radio. 

When he overtook Carlos Sainz, he almost heard him in his head saying "qué cabrón". 

—Lando, you can do it kid, stay there.—He heard the radio ordering him. But that was not what really pushed him to go ahead and give his best. He remembered the words Maia had said to him a few hours ago. He remembered his face. He revived every inch of her skin that he hadn't seen in months but still remembered so adoringly. He remembered her voice and the softness of it of hers. 

Maia watched as Lando's car pushed against Lewis Hamilton's, fighting for first place. The next five laps were spent trading between first and second place. But in the last one Lando was leading. 

Everyone in the McLaren garage holding their breath as if that would make Lando win the race. 

—Come on Lando.— Maia whispered as she held her face in both hands. 

Lando saw Lewis behind, perilously close. But there was no need to worry anymore, he was the one who crossed the finish line first. He hadn't noticed until he saw how he passed the man in charge of moving the checkered flag. 

He had won the race.

—You are the champion of Monaco´s race, Lando! Congratulations, excellent work. P1 and P8 by Ricciardo. Good points for the team. 

Only screams of emotion began to come out of his mouth. He couldn't believe it. 

When parking the car in the predestined place for the champions, at his sides Hamilton and Leclerc. He got out of the car and outside the whole team received him with euphoria. 

He took off the uncomfortable helmet and received many hugs, friendly taps on the shoulder, congratulations from everyone. 

He searched her with his eyes. She was smiling at him from a part of the paddock, his countenance in the midst of all the euphoria. He walked briskly towards her as more and more congratulations from his friends and co-workers. 

They were alone in the place, as if everyone around them had suddenly fallen silent. He only cared about her and she only cared about him. Nothing more. 

When he got to her, he didn't have to say much. He took her face in both hands and kissed her. It was at that moment that he realized from her that he missed her lips more than he thought he did. 

She followed the kiss automatically by crossing her arms behind his head, and that was the signal that Lando needed to take her by the waist and lift her a few inches off the ground, without separating his lips of hers. 

When they separated, touching their foreheads still with their eyes closed, the sound in the background returned to his ears again. Even when Max and the others started harassing them, they didn't split up. 

Lando put her feet back on the ground and she hugged him, hiding her face in his chest. 

“Can I ask you a question, did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room, and every single one of your friends was making fun of you, but 15 seconds later they were clapping too? then what did you do?"

—I think I love you, Maia—he whispered into her ear loud enough for only her to hear amidst all the noise. 

Then she raised her head from his chest and looked into his eyes. She stroked the curls.

—I swear I'll do everything right this time. I will give you everything you deserve, what I never gave you. I promise you. 

And then she spoke.

—Hey, how about we start again? My name is Maia, are you Lando Norris from Mclaren?

[wyn-n-tonic]

Days of You & Me: You, Me—Us

Word Count: 4.5k+ Warnings: Unprotected sex. Marriage talk. Slight cumplay. Slight breeding kink. Anything missed in the warnings was not done with malicious intent and I would appreciate if you could let me know kindly as I wish to do my best in keeping my readers safe. Author’s Note: This is a continuation of the last scene of Chapter June. Thank you to @tauralmie and @darnitdraco as well as @marvelousmermaid for being my continuous shoulders to lean on throughout writing this series.

Please follow @wyn-writing and turn on updates for notifications. You can sign up for my taglist HERE.

Days of You & Me Masterlist | ← June 

“So that’s settled?” I ask him, thunder soundtracking our words. “You’ve already decided on that and everything?”

Joel laughs and lays back. “Would you laugh at me if I told you I’ve pretty much been decided,” he breathes out.

“Only if you tell me something cheesy like you decided the moment we met,” I tease him. “Other than that, I can’t think of any other reason.” 

Another clap of thunder sends a shiver down his spine and he turns on his side with his arm tucked up under his head, eyelids heavy with sleep over his big brown eyes. “I decided on June first,” he whispers, like it’s a secret only for us. “When I came home scared out of my mind because I’d checked my messages and all I heard was that my little girl was hurt”—he reaches over as I turn to face him and pushes a strand of hair away—“and you told me to get my shit together because she was hurt but she was fine and she was fine because she had you.” 

“You sound like you’re going to cry,” I tell him.

“I might just do that,” he says. 

Everything about our relationship and the time we’ve been together is so much to me. So much and not enough and feels like it’s been years in the making . These moments especially feel like some kind of deep memory, like I’m seeing it all through the haze of years away. 

Almost like I’ve lived this moment and this conversation before.

“I wish I’d met you when I moved here.”

A small laugh and he says that he doesn’t think I would’ve liked him very much through a yawn as thunder shakes his body down again. “I think we met each other at exactly the right time, pretty girl.”

Honestly, he’s right. The version I would’ve met of him in 1992 is likely not a version I could’ve fallen in love with. It’s the time I wish we had though.

“We've had quite a few really big conversations lately, haven’t we?” He asks, his grip tightening on my waist where it’s snuck beneath my top again. “I'm honestly still waiting for you to tell me to fuck off.” 

A deep breath and I shake my head to the best of my ability against the pillows. “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

Him and life.

Our lives together and how it even got here from lattes in liminal spaces full of shared silence and quiet laughter. I practically live with him and I love him and I would give anything and more to protect him and Sarah.

“About a lot of stuff,” I breathe out. “But mainly, I’m focusing on my hope that a condom will magically appear because maybe it actually will.”

“You're deflecting,” he counters. “But I’ll allow it.”

Leaning forward, I press a kiss into the scar on his nose, deciding after to burrow my face into the crook of his neck and take a deep breath. There’s such a safety I feel in his presence but especially like this, breathing him in in the early morning light.

Rain hits the windows harder than before and they rattle with more thunder but he doesn’t shiver or jump this time, just wraps arm around me and presses his lips into the crown of my head.

I feel safe here. Not just right now but in general and every time he mumbles how he could get used to this. I’m starting to understand that he says that when he likes something, not wanting to reveal that he does in case he faces rejection. Saying he could get used to something is merely a suggestion. He thinks he says if he likes something, it’s a demand.

“I hope so,” I murmur into the skin of his neck. “I don’t think we’re getting rid of one another.” 

It’s insane to me how this man who so confidently came back to my work for several days hoping to speak to me for two seconds shows me all the ways in which he’s not that confident at all. I remember that first coffee in my car, when I said he didn’t strike me as a man who doubts himself and he told me he doubts himself all the time. 

Even behind the clouds, it’s barely light outside and he relaxes down, laying flat on his back again and pulling me with him with a deep, contented hum buzzing in his chest.

Sometimes, I wonder how many times I can tell him I love him before he gets tired of hearing it but, every time, he only meets it with sped up heartbeat or a shiver or a smile or all three as he pulls me as close to him as possible. 

Now that I’ve said it, I can’t stop and his reaction never changes by much unless it’s in the low light of his bedroom with a lack of prying eyes. Like now, with his large hand gripping tight into the meat of my ass, arm flexing against my back as he doesn't just pull me closer but cages me in.

When I tell him he has to stop squeezing me like this, he looses a deep belly laugh that rolls in time with the thunder.

“I'll loosen up if you stop rubbing my belly like I’m a good dog, sweetheart,” he drawls out, arm coming up to cover his eyes.

“You purr like a cat, actually.” 

Another laugh, quiet. “I'll show you how catlike you sound in a minute if you don’t watch that mouth of yours.”

Teasing goes back and forth like our hands—mine on his stomach and down, his on my back and down—until our lips have found each other’s between the laughter. Abandoning his hold across the small of my spine, he threads his fingers through my hair and guides me to his lips that open easily for his own. 

“Took you long enough,” he whispers when my fingertips dip just below the waistband of his boxers. “Be gentle with me, I think I’m already on the edge just from feeling you throb against my thigh.” 

“So, I can touch you?” I ask, pushing deeper beneath the fabric.

A thick groan pushes from his throat and his hips lift against my touch, heating radiating from his face as he presses against my lips again. Already, pre-cum is leaking over my hand and his breathing is coming out shallow and hard. 

“Every time we do this,” he laughs out, “it reminds me of that day in your room.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I ask him, dropping my face into the crook of his neck.

He hums a negative and it vibrates through my lips and down between my legs still sore with the memory of him last night.

“You know, I could give you my mouth, Joel.”

“Uh-uh.” He squeezes tighter across my hips and trails his other hand down to meet mine where it’s working him over. “You give me your mouth and I won’t be able to feel you grinding that slick little thing against me.”

I ask him how he knows it’s slick before I bite down on his pulse point, his hard length jumping in my grip before I let go to trail my hand down further.

Joel’s reaction is a broken whine pushed out on a hard breath and an even hard grip as he fists his fingers back into my hair to pull me up and back to his lips. Even if the day is barely a day yet and even if it’s storming down around the house so loud it sounds like it’s gonna fall, he is so warm and bright. The pull I feel for him is gravitational, it has to be with the way I so easily gave in to the small feelings over and over until they were these big, mountain moving things.

“I need to be inside of you,” he whispers against my lips.

“But—“

“I know what I said but I changed my mind.” He sounds out of breath, like he’s run five miles, and his eyebrows pinch together in confusion. “Unless you changed your mind, too?” 

Shaking my head, I tell him that I haven’t. “Just don’t want you to think that I’ve done all this to make you change your mind.” 

“Goddamn, sweetheart,” he pushes his head back. “Have a little faith in me, I am capable of resisting your feminine ways.”

Lips pursed, one eyebrow raises and he studies me, eyes darting around my face looking for an answer to the suggestion written all over his.

Barely a nod and he’s crushing your lips down on his again, pulling your hand up with his other and flipping your positions with ease and confidence. 

With a smile on his face, Joel sits back on his heels and peels my underwear down with his movements. “Have you done this before?” When I nod, he laughs a little and asks why I look seasick.

“Never been my idea before,” I tell him, opening my arms and legs to make room for his body to lay down against me again. “Never really trusted the guy I was doing it with either.” 

“Then why’d you do it?” 

His hesitation tenses up against the shrug of my shoulders and he smooths my hair back beneath his heavy palm as I take a deep breath. “Because they were really pushy and, honestly, I didn’t want the fight.”

Lip pulled between his teeth, I watch as the lightning illuminates his sun kissed skin before the soft hum of the house falls completely silent. “Power’s out,” he says. “What if I told you I was afraid of the dark, too? Hmm?” His smile stretches wide to one side, the dimple that usually makes him look boyish and playful doing nothing to hide how cocky he’s feeling.

Last week, I told him that I felt safe with him. Truly and completely safe with all of my trust and all of my heart placed in the palm of his gentle hands. I told him that he’s the only person I’ve ever felt like that with and that I think I knew it from that first day in my car.

Barely breathing beneath his gaze, I push at the waistband of his boxers. “You should take these off, then.”

“Oh?” He raises an eyebrow. “If I get naked, I’ll no longer be afraid of the dark?”

His body collapses down on me in a fit of giggles, lips pressed into mine and my cheek and my neck as he braces himself on one arm and pushes his shorts down with the other.

“Don't just lay there, pretty girl,” he whispers. “Use your little feet to help me.”

Those whispers continue as I help him push the fabric down his legs, hot breath in my ear while his hand comes up to wrap just below my jaw. He’s telling me how pretty I am in the mornings, that sometimes he’ll wake up early or force himself to stay awake just so he can watch over me while I sleep. Not one word of how creepy that is comes out of me before he’s biting down on my earlobe, telling me to can it. 

Legs shuffling between mine as he kicks himself completely free of the boxers, his mouth opens around the kiss he’s pushing into my chin as his hips fall into the cradle of my own.

“I should take my shirt off,” I say but he’s shaking his head before I finished, telling me he already knows he won’t last and asking if I can give him half a chance.

“But I thought you were perfectly capable of resisting my feminine ways, Joel.”

He nudges right up against my entrance then, grip on my throat tightening slightly, and bites into my pulse point with a deep groan. Beyond that, he doesn’t move except to nuzzle his face into my neck and stroke his thumb across my bottom lip. Every time I try to say something, he quiets me. Says he’s concentrating.

A few beats turn into minutes as he pulls back up to find my lips again, hand sliding down the length of my body to settle on my hip and he pulls my leg up and around his own.

“I think the anticipation is making you hotter,” he says. “Your whole body is on fire right now.”

“That's because the air conditioning is off,” I whine out, waiting for him to take the bait and fall into laughter. Instead, he opens his mouth against mine to take the breath I’m losing as he pushes his hips forward against mine steadily. 

Holding his own breath until he’s fully seated, he finally releases a deep sound of relief like he’s finally sat down after a long day. There’s a pinch in his eyebrows growing closer to one another with every steadying breath. 

“Are you okay?” I ask.

Before I’ve even finished, his answer is a nod dropped into the crook of my neck with another deep breath. “This feels different,” he says after another beat.

“Good?”

Smile stretching wide against my neck, he asks how I could possibly ask him such a silly question; asks if it feels different for me, too. A nod to the best of my ability and he presses a soft kiss and then another and then another to my jaw; my cheek; my lips before smoothing his hand down my hair again.

Everything slows down with him on top of me, even the storm is sounds like it’s starting to Peter out. Not only does this feel different physically but emotionally, too. Like I’m wrapped up in him—all of him. 

Nose pressed right up against mine, lips dragging small sounds and broken words over each other through every kiss and thrust, I don’t realize I’m near the edge until he’s encouraging me over; whispering sweet nothings of praise right into me and begging me to look at him when I fall apart for him.

Which is easier said than done because the liquid coal of his dark eyes in the dark of the room are too much to handle; too studying; too vulnerable in their own right and I have to close mine again.

“God, you’re pretty,” he breathes out, hips stilling as his chest heaves against mine. He’s nudged right up to the space inside of me I all but begged him to stroke against that first night with him but that feeling’s different, too. 

I can feel my breath catching, skin on fire and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my shirt is soaked through with his sweat and mine. His thumb trails along the swell of my cheek, brushing away sweat or a tear before moving down to grip into my thigh. Everything is teetering on the edge of that much needed clarity and he takes another deep breath.

“Are you okay?” I ask and he nods, hand lifted to swipe across the sweat to the side of his own nose. I ask if he wants to stop and he shakes his head.

Keeps shaking it and says, “I don’t know how to keep going for you without losing my cool.”

“Then lose your cool,” I insist. “I’m right here with you, Joel, and even if I wasn’t, there are ways I could still get mine after you’ve gotten yours.” 

One side of his mouth turns up and he pushes out a laugh which only pushes a half broken whine out of me. “That was hot,” he says. “You're so hot.”

Thunder rolls deep and loud and the shiver that runs through him pulls a deep groan of a longed for relief out of him as warmth pushes into me. I’m expecting laughter to follow in the slackening of his jaw, dropped in shocked, but he apologizes instead. Says he’s sorry because he should’ve asked if he could do that, he should’ve been more in control to even know that it was coming.

“You did know,” I reassure him. “We both knew, it’s okay,” I nod my head as if that will make the look on his face go away. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” He asks, eyebrows pinched up in worry. “You can be mad at me.” 

Playing with the curls fallen over into the space between us, I ask him why I would be mad about something I liked. “Does that scare you?” I ask him. “That I like this feeling and I like being filled up by you?” 

I know it doesn’t by the way his eyes go soft, no longer concentrated or worried or confused. There’s not even fire in them right now, nothing near to the desperation or lust that blows his pupils out like earlier or last night or the night before that. This is that soft kind of adoration he wears like a badge in moments he thinks I’m not looking; big and brown with half a smile reaching into them.

Big and goofy, his grin stretches wide across his face and he presses his lips to my forehead and then my nose and then my lips, opening my mouth beneath his to push the flat of his tongue down on mine.

We stay like this for a moment, warm in each other’s arms as one hand stays up near my face and the other pushes up beneath my shirt, nails digging into my skin to scratch back down to the place where our bodies are connected.

I can feel him twitch inside of me and the laughter finally does come, followed by an apology for being overzealous; for wanting to get his twice before I’ve gotten mine once.

To the best of my ability, I shrug against the pillows; both shoulders pressing back and brushing up against my earlobes. “Maybe I like that, too,” I say as they drop back down. “Maybe I like that you look wholly relaxed right now.”

“You sure do like a lot of things today, pretty girl,” he says. “How do you feel about me?”

“Oh, I like you the most,” I respond. “Isn't it obvious? Everything else I’ve said I enjoyed this morning hinged upon your happiness but maybe I should be a little more explicit in the future.”

“More explicit than being naked beneath me?” He asks.

“I'm not naked,” I toss back at him.

“No,” he agrees, pressing another kiss to my lips and then pushing himself up to sit back on his heels. “But you are unsatisfied so let me”—he pulls himself from between my legs—“let me fix that for you.”

Lightning lights up the room again and I’m self conscious over the look in his eyes, hard and dark as they look down at the space where our bodies have been connected. When I try to sit up, push my knees together and up to my chest, he pushes me back down and separates my legs again before bending lower to settle his shoulders between my thighs.

“Joel, what are you—“

He shushes me, hot breath ghosting cold across my fevered skin, and looks up. “Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to look?”

“No.”

Smiling again, he nods. “You're right,” he confirms, pushing two fingers in without warning and stroking up. “Thank God for the thunder, though, I think you would be embarrassed by the sound you just made.”

“Joel—“

That cocky disposition drops in an instant and he asks if I want him to stop, eyebrow raised and body still as he waits for my answer. The only one I can give him is a shake of my head, filled up with cotton and white noise and overwhelmed with every bit of him.

Crooked smile, he hooks his fingers like he’s beckoning me to him as he places a kiss against my hip on a laugh. Because my muscles are seizing, tightening up and arching my back off the mattress in further search of him. Whatever words I thought I was capable of are lost and his other hand lays flat across my lower stomach to press down against the upward motion he’s making inside of me.

“Come on, honey,” he encourages. “Please, my dick is so goddamn hard again—“

Half a broken sob between us and he’s pulling away from me again; laying himself across me again and nudging my hands away from my heat blanketed face to speak his honey thick apologies directly into the cup of my mouth to ask if he hurt me.

“No.” Framing his face with my hands, I repeat it again. “No, you’re perfect, Joel.” I’d be embarrassed by the desperation in my own voice if I didn’t see it dripping from every pore of his face.

He lifts himself just enough to push the fabric of my shirt up and over my head and then pushes back down on me, every ounce of his body weight crushing into mine with his head in my hands and his hands dug into the meat of my sides. 

I don’t feel him so much as I relax into him as he pushes into me again, all of my energy and the constantly building and dipping anticipation melting down beneath his brown gaze.

Only months ago, I rolled my eyes at the television or the books when when sex was described or portrayed as something magical—ethereal. But then I slept with Joel and he didn’t just fuck me; didn’t just look at me like an object to find his own peace on and so much of the words I’ve read and heard and sung made sudden sense.

Because it’s that wide grin and the bright laughter that reaches up to his eyes so often they’re crinkled like folding fans that does it.

The soft, brown eyes; the worn hands that move with the intention of gentleness and care; the sun kissed skin in varying shades of gold through the season.

The first time he said he loved me, I swore I didn’t hear him right—convinced myself that it was a joke. When he all but yelled at me in the kitchen saying he doesn’t pressure me to say anything back because I show him every day, I still had half a doubt in my head. But it’s so obvious now, it has been this whole time, and he doesn't just push me to the edge because there isn’t one for the way we are right now.

All there is, is a low buzzing just beneath the surface of my skin; his skin; our skin. It’s less like chasing a high, it’s more like sitting in it and the only soundtrack that exists to it is heavy breaths and slow rolling thunder and desperate little whimper begging for this to go on; because the thought that anything could exist that isn’t him puts more tears into my eyes than any heartbreak I’ve ever had.

“Come on,” he encourages me again, voice raw and filled with half spent exhaustion. “You’re right there, baby, we’re right there.”

Buzzing starts again as the power comes back, cool air kicking in from the vents and the laughter it pulls from both of us—as if to say playtime is over—is what finally does it. Hips moving against mine, his pace stutters and he loses the strength to hold any part of himself up; movements stilling as warmth rushes between us again.

Quiet moments pass with just the sound of both our beating hearts in my ears until he finally mumbles something about being responsible and checking the weather to time when to go pick up Sarah. 

He stretches when he stands, hand outstretched on the suggestion of a shower and then breakfast. 

Under the spray of water, he pulls me close and kisses my forehead. “Do you want to go to the bookstore today?”

It’s such a simple question and it’s so warm. What hits me most about it is that it isn’t about sex or even about the sex we just had. We’ve spent so much time talking about what physical intimacy means to us; what it does to us; how it affects us. If this was anybody else but Joel standing with me in this water, my body and mind would be cracking under the weight of my insecurities that he doesn’t care for what I’ve just given over to him—what we just risked. Ninety-eight percent efficacy is still two percent possibility, after all.

But it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like the soft, lived in intimacy of two people who know each other and care for each other. It’s the kind I felt when I waited up for him that night Sarah got sick; the kind he said he felt when I called him for comfort from home. 

“I've been thinking about something,” I tell him, digging my chin into his chest as I look up at him. “I looked it up and you don’t have to take a test to become a contractor in Texas, my love.”

He fights a smile as he nods. “I know.”

“You know?”

His hands continue working soap into my back, all his concentration focused over my head on his task and he nods again. “Yeah, I know,” he says. “Just didn’t want to tell you.”

“Why not?” Even as I ask, I know the answer. It’s the same answer for all of it—he’s scared he’s gonna fail. But being a failure isn’t the scary part for him, the scary part is having it negatively effect the ones he loves.

He shrugs. “I already know I don’t have to spell that one out for you, Alison. I just—“

“Not a single person in your life is going to hate you if you do this and it doesn’t pan out,” I promise him. “It’s a job and I know you can do it and it’s not just because I love you but because I know what a capable, competent person you are.”

“Is that why you love me?” He asks, his smile crooked and cocksure to mask the deflection he’s giving me.

I could challenge it but I don’t. Because that wouldn’t be fair given how often he lets me off the hook, especially these days when the deflections are fewer and farther between. “Nah,” I tease. “I love you for this huge cock.”

Jaw fallen slack, he’s silent for a few beats; speechless as the water runs over his body and then he laughs. As if I’ve just told the best joke he’s ever heard, he laughs with his whole belly in that doubled over kind of way. “You are so goddamn stupid sometimes,” he teases. “You might as well go ahead and change your name to Alison Miller because I’m gonna marry the shit out of you.” 

All these conversations, all of today so far, really started with that prospect and if I didn't think it was real the first time he said it, I know it is now.