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colsonlin · 11 months

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The Second Coming of Jesus Christ

Note: Colson Lin’s Twitter profile has exactly 181 followers, which will be relevant. He recently used a different profile he created for his project to follow himself. Before these tweets, he had 180 followers. Please remember that Colson Lin is a Yale Law graduate. All of the empirical claims he makes about his life story are true and verifiable by the media.

The opening of Colson Lin’s Twitter profile:

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ is about to post Riddle 1 of 42.

It’s from God.

I know you don’t really want to die. You just want the pain to be over. I know you got tired of America. I know it got hard to stay sober.

I’m going to blow your mind.

God is a woman.

Infinity?

Hey, traphouse vandal:

Or like—

Try to help?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I won’t out you because I’m not a cult leader here to turn everyone against even a single one of you.

I’m literally here to help.

[Note: The above tweet was written at 4:44 AM.]

Oops?

Truth hurts.

—Lizzo

Nothing in the Universe is more Powerful than reality. Reality has a trick.

Reason.

Reasonable beings use intelligence to attach to reality.

Oh the cords get tangled for all sorts of bad reasons (Power!), but those bad reasons are smaller than Reality.

With time, Truth bites.

To be fair [to the traphouse vandal], I didn’t click [your profile].

After I clicked, I was hopeful again.

Hope I click for you too, buddy.

I’m gonna laugh at the media if they try to bury the next few tweets in obscurity after I email them an outline of my philosophical postmodern-art project that challenges the status quo, by an LGBT child of working-class immigrants with a perfect SAT score and a Yale Law degree.

Don’t worry.

Y’all are off the hook for now.

I haven’t done it yet.

But pretty soon after I do?

I’m going to publicize the recipients in this thread.

Sorry for being a living, breathing 21st-century icon.

I just realized.

Shared power means at least somebody should be verifying my work.

Given that I’ve apparently scared the fuck out of 99% of humanity so that nobody wants to engage with me…

Can the NSA just do it?

(Y’all establishment-media types—y’all trust them, right?)

💍

I am happy to communicate with any world leader through text or email.

Y’all know how to find me.

Hell, let’s hop on Zoom.

It’ll be a quick century.

Call me crazy.

But I’m smart enough to speak to you.

@NSAGov

u up?

Here’s my phone number.

[Note: Colson Lin provides a phone number, but it is reacted from public view.]

Y’all can confirm every aspect of my life to check.

Don’t leak my phone number unless I do anything evil.

Y’all can go through all my texts and emails.

It really doesn’t feel fair to the rest of humanity, you know, for like one person to be this iconic.

And not famous.

lmao stoppp i’m literally just kidding y r u being so mean

I’m the sweetest girl in town so why are you so mean? When you gonna ditch that stupid ***** you got? It’s me you should be seein’

Sorry y’all.

I censored the word Satan, because he’s my enemy.

Here’s how this Twitter will proceed:

When I want something, I’ll ask for it.

Literally anyone with a Twitter account can tell me if I’ve made an unreasonable request.

DMs are now closed.

Our book of wisdom will be for future humans.

Don’t worry.

“I’m good with languages.”

Languages spoken or studied: English, Spanish (middle school and high school), French (college), Arabic (college), Chinese (you’re racist).

I’m only missing one to hit the UN six.

Haha.

Oh wait.

What are the chances… my brother Ilya is Russian.

Wise people who can touch powerful wisdom using wise storytelling can touch God.

By the way, for some reason unlikely coincidences seem to stack up around them.

I think those are called “miracles,” but can anyone google it and check?

Hey humanity.

That was my first question.

Don’t worry.

Because I’m a kooky guy, I’ll answer your questions with either tweets or little creative videos.

But if I answer you, I’ll have to delete 1 of my older tweets.

So ask wisely.

If a bot farm fucks this up for all of humanity, Satan wins.

(I’ll literally give up.)

Let me make an empirical prediction supported by logical reasoning:

The hardest time to take me seriously is when:

(1) I have no social power. (2) The entire world isn’t talking about me. (3) Your coworkers. Your mom. Your spouse. Everyone.

And yet so many right now still do.

I’m trying to prove here that God can come out of the elites.

God can come out of world leaders. God can come out of federal workers. God can come out of journalists. God can come out of prisoners. God can come out of international criminals.

I have hope, y’all.

Don’t kill it.

By the way, I will artificially up my follower count to 181 by making one of my other Twitter profiles for this project follow me when I’m not in the mood to talk, when I’m too busy hanging out with friends and living my actual life because—

lmao y’all

This Twitter is literally just a fun hobby for me.

I’m a writer.

This is the most provocative Twitter thread in human history.

Anyone inside humanity can verify it.

If you believe I can channel God, then not a single person in the world can up my follower count.

If you do, I will wait for someone to unfollow me before I talk in public again.

I’m not the Anti-Christ.

I’m the Anti-Twitter.

(Which means I’m pretty sure I just became cool.)

You know—

180 people defended the Alamo. (“Is that true?”)

180 is a perfect LSAT score. (“Is that true?”)

Truth is like a circle of perfection.

Everything outside=Satanic

The first person to follow me and bring me to 181 followers will fuck up the Bible.

So don’t do it.

;)

In the spirit of the idea I just had tonight, I will announce a change of plans.

“A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite” is a book that will now grow indefinitely.

But I will maintain the Twitter at meaningful numbers.

Which means…

You got it.

This Twitter self-deletes.

Does anyone know how to use Twitter search and take screenshots?

In the meantime, I have a riddle for humanity.

Do you have what it takes to survive?

Postmodernists vote “yes.”

Nihilists vote “no.”

Just kidding.

🤭 oig I'm like so funny

I’m never gonna reveal how to vote.

Yes No

8. [Note: This is a lucky number in Chinese. Colson Lin was born in Shanghai, China. He is the illegitimate bastard child of China’s most iconoclastic philosopher whose writings had a significant influence on the Communist Party of China’s policy in the 1990s. The philosopher is married to a successful mainstream film director named Hu Mei.]

I’m, like, not a real person. I’m a fictional character on an HBO show called “A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite” that tells the preposterous story of the bastard child of China and the favored son of America coming together to be the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. but—

So anyway—it’s May 26, 2023.

You know.

The day after Jesus 2.0 was born.

How’s everyone’s Boxing Day going?

Meritocrats?

Y’all doing well? (I heard “Yale Law” and “LSAT” trended on Twitter today; random…)

You know what came out on Boxing Day half a century ago?

Google it.

My name is Colson Lin and I got a 1600 on my SAT, bitch.

But I’m gonna inch my number of videos and images up to 1610 before bringing it back down to 1600.

Because I’m from Houston, y’all.

The moon was your first international dynamite.

Beyoncé was your second.

“I’m your 3.”

Hey guys.

If I is 1.

II is 2.

What does 111 stand for?

Tomorrow night on “A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite”:

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ watches a Netflix show called “Beef.”

It was the first time he has seen so many Asian-Americans.

He has thoughts.

“They’re flatter, fewer-dimensional renditions of the people I’ve met and know. God’s coming out of all of them except the Satanic elite Wal-Mart lady (but I’m only on episode two). Wow. I bet when she and her Japanese husband are bored, they’d watch HBO’s A STICK OF DYNAMITE—”

Tomorrow.

Only on HBO:

“A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite” found God by breaking the meta.

It’s the show that doesn’t make sense for anyone in Netflix’s “Beef” to have known or heard about.

Because it would break the meritocracy.

Introducing:

“The Lotteracy” by CL.

If you’re too impatient to see the HBO episode:

Read it in real fucking time.

Every Friday night.

Only on @dumatology.

A time-stable book about God, written on Twitter over the course of a summer (“The Summer of the Second Coming”) on Twitter, in 16 chapters.

Backwards.

💍

Spoiler alert:

God is trying to rise out of every tribe at the same time.

The results are Satanic.

Y’all need a leader.

;)

Do you want your leader to be Godly or Satanic?

Wait.

Does God exist?

Holy shit, you guys!

That tweet went up at exactly 2:12 AM on May 26, 2023.

Tell me something:

Am I just a really, really good storyteller?

Or can my brother Ilya see that I’m channeling all of this in real time, because K. from TH Rogers spontaneously texted me to recommend—

The Bible made God boring. Postmodernity made God boring. God is boring.

IQ Test:

Which of the above is true?

“A Stick of Dynamite in the American Elite” is bringing God back to postmodernity.

Yo elites—

Who among y’all ready to click on this video?

2023

youtube

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bandaids-not-groupies · 4 years

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Guess who’s a little drunk and is playing around with filters on her phone 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

#i’ve had like five drinks maybe 6? i lost count lmao #i only know how to do two poses lmao and it shows #i am feeling a little happier with myself since my skin is clearing up #i’ll probably end up deleting these when i’m sober lm ao 💀#personal

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marvelmymarvel · 4 years

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Winged Hero

Keigo Takami x Reader

Synopsis: You just wanted to relax at the party and not feel like all eyes were on you, but having a bit too much to drink did just that.

Trigger Warning: Mention of roofie

A/n: This is supposed to be funny and slightly angsty but please drink responsibly... AND don't mix your alcohols... Trust me. Also, protective hawks is the best hawks, change my mind.

PS: I am not sure how I feel about this, please let me know if its good lmao

Keigo knew you had gone off somewhere while he made his rounds around the party, but now he was trying to find his little bird, aka you, in the sea of people. You had mentioned about getting a drink, but you were nowhere to be found at the bar. After searching for 5 minutes, Keigo grew worried. Were you safe? Did someone hurt you? Then your laugh hit his ears.

Turning around, he noticed that you weren’t on the ground with the rest of the party, instead, you were on top of a table dancing horribly. “And you’re done drinking” he sighed to himself as the number two hero made his way towards you and the group of men who were hollering up at you. Not only where they catching glimpses up your dress, but they were also throwing money and handing you more alcohol. While your boyfriend wanted to crawl in a hole and die, you, on the other hand, were having a fantastic time.

You let out a howl, earning more cheers from below as the money kept flying. Enji Todoroki sure did know how to throw a party and for the first time in your quirkless life, you didn't see the heroes below you as stuck up little brats. Keigo definitely wasn’t an exception to that, and you clearly saw him as a brat, but he was your brat. A hand touched your hip, causing you to swipe at it. They were allowed to look all they wanted, but the only man who could touch you was Keigo.

“Y/n”

You whirled around, smile wide as you saw your boyfriend below you. “KEI!!” you squealed out before squatting to collect the money thrown at you. The men behind you got a shot of your ass and a holler sounded out as you gathered the money. Keigo’s cheeks heated up, angry at the way the men were treating you. They weren’t even in the top 10 list of heroes and he could see why. Unbeknownst to you, one guy grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of your ass. Keigo lunged forward and ripped the phone from his fingers. “Don't you fucking dare disrespect her like that you freak” Keigo’s snarl caused the man’s face to pale as Keigo broke the phone between his fingers. You turned your head with the money in hand, eyes wide at the circumstance but unsure of what just happened. Keigo threw the smashed phone down before grabbing your arm and ripping you off the table.

“If anyone else has pictures, you better delete them now. Because you won't like what I’ll do to you if you don't” he snarled out while pulling your dress down to help cover your now blushing self. You hadn’t realized that your dress had risen, you couldn’t really feel it with all the alcohol in your system. The men all nodded before pulling out their phones and deleting every picture and video they had taken, they were terrified of the man in front of him, he was number two for a reason. Your e/c eyes were wide as Keigo wrapped a protective arm around you and pulled you towards the door. Another man came up to you and offered you a drink which you took without thinking it through. Keigo angrily ripped it from your hands and gave it a smell, much to the man's dislike.

“What did you slip” Keigo snarled, hand shooting out to grasp the other man's collar. It was clear that he was apart of the group just by the way he was trying to stop you, and Keigo was afraid of what could have happened if he wasn’t there in time. The man shrunk back, sputtering apologies as Keigo’s red wings rose up behind him. It seemed to grow quiet around you as you simply stood there in shock, you were far from being sober but the interaction happening before you seemed to speed the process up. Enji appeared beside you, hand light on your waist as he pushed past towards Keigo and the man.

“What's the matter Hawks?” Enji stated firmly while eyeing the man up and down, Keigo was many things, but easy to snap was not one of them. “He tried to slip something to my girl” Keigo answered cooly while handing the drink towards the taller man. The instant that Enji took a sniff was the same instant that the man begged to be let go. Enji’s eyes seemed to darken as he eyed the struggling man before him before looking back at you. Your eyes were wide with fear as you shook in your spot, you wanted to go home and he could see this.

“I’ll take care of him, you get her home” Enji whispered to Keigo, hoping that the man would leave it to him and not kill him right here on the spot. Keigo scoffed before shoving the man to the ground, “You better lose your license freak” Keigo snarled before turning and wrapping an arm around you once more. You eyed the man on the ground before allowing yourself to curl closer into your boyfriend who was now leading you out. The music resumed the minute the man was lifted off the ground and shoved towards the bar where Enji would most likely keep him till the cops arrived.

The sound of the elevator doors closing instantly made you let out a deep breath of relief, but you were still tense beside the man you loved. Was he angry at you? “I’m uh... Sorry, here...” money was shoved towards Keigo and he had to bite back a smile at your innocence. He wasn’t mad at you though, in fact, he was enjoying the show like everyone else around that table. You were always so tense around the pros, but he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because you were quirkless or maybe you felt out of place, either way, he was slightly glad that you loosened up. That was until that asshole took a picture of your rear while the other one tried to slip you a roofie. Despite his mixed feelings, Keigo turned and took the stack of money in your arms, “Thank you, baby, we can stop and get some ramen with this.”

You smiled brightly at his words, happy to know that you weren’t in trouble and he wasn’t mad at you. “I think I did pretty good! My dancing I mean” your fingers played with one another as you looked towards the ground, a bit shy at the fact that Keigo saw you like that. Keigo looked at you quizzically, confused as to where your confidence went. His finger curled under your chin, forcing you to look up at him, but before he could say anything, the elevator door slid open. Flashes exploded in front of you, causing you to groan and curl up into him as his wing wrapped protectively around you.

Moving through the paparazzi, you both managed to get to the curb with them close on your tail. Keigo could tell you were getting overwhelmed and decided to take action. Shoving the money into his pocket, he wrapped his arms securely around your middle as his wings spanned out behind him. “Hold on tightly” he purred and instantly you had your arms wrapped tightly around his neck as he pushed off the ground. The sound of flapping wings filled your ears and calmed you instantly in his embrace. A few minutes later, you two had landed on the balcony of your penthouse. You stumbled a bit as he let you go, but he quickly caught you. “I got you, baby”

You nodded but still felt slightly nauseous as the world spun around you. Turning your body, you grasped the railing and emptied your stomach as Keigo held onto you for support. Pulling your hair back into a makeshift ponytail, he whispered sweet words as you continued to throw up. “Oh no,” you cried out as you pulled from the banister with wide eyes. Keigo’s eyes were full of concern as you wiped the vomit with your hand, “I hope no one was on the sidewalk.”

Keigo couldn’t help himself as a laugh burst from his chest at your sweet and innocent statement. Walking towards you, he brought you into a loving hug before reassuring you that no one was on the sidewalk. Granted, he was probably lying, but you didn’t need to know that. “Let me make you some ramen and get some water into you”

Leaning back in the bath, Keigo’s arms wrapped around you. You took a deep breath before cuddling into the man behind you. Your stomach was still a bit unsteady, but you were hoping to keep down the Ramen and water Keigo gave you. A bucket was beside the tub in case you had to throw up more, but Keigo’s hands rubbing your body seemed to make you forget about the sick feeling still in your stomach.

“Do you think that man would have done something to me?”

His eyes snapped open at your words as his wings extended up in response to your fearful tone. Pulling you closer to him, he placed his head on top of yours, “No one can get you when I’m around” his deep whisper was menacing and sent chills down your body. He noticed the goosebumps and tried to rub them away under the warm water. Minutes flew by and the silence was causing you to grow tired, Keigo noticed this and immediately began to drain the tub.

Helping you up, he wrapped a bath sheet around your body before pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “Oh sorry, that probably didn’t taste good” you whispered embarrassingly as you headed towards the sink, Keigo rolled his eyes but followed you anyway. He watched you adoringly as you brushed your teeth. Your eyes not once left your own reflection, but you could feel his piercing stare behind you. A few minutes passed till you spit and rinsed your mouth out, and that's when you noticed he was no longer in the room.

“Kei?” you called out as you moved towards the bedroom. Coming into the room, you noticed he had lit a couple candles and had your pj’s set out on the bed. Seeing as he wasn’t in the room, you went ahead and slipped into the clothes, sighing at the feeling of the clean clothes against your clean skin. You were no longer dizzy and your stomach wasn’t so bad, but you were now missing the most important thing of all.

The door opened and your smiling boyfriend entered right as he said goodbye to the person on the phone. “Sorry honey” he stated while walking over and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips before moving towards the dresser to get his own clothes out. “Who was on the phone?” you questioned, slightly concerned that maybe something had happened or maybe you embarrassed him or ruined his career. He turned back to change, but his face was stoic at your question. “The man who tried to roofie you is going to jail” Your brows furrowed, a bit concerned at how casual he was being. “Are you sure it wasn’t a mistake-”

“Enough of that” he growled as he slammed his phone down onto the dresser causing you to jump in your place. He noticed the fear in your eyes and moved towards you, his face returning to a stoic one the closer he got. His hand caressed your cheek sweetly, slightly scared that you would be afraid of him.

Afraid of this life.

“What's going on Kei...”

Sitting beside you, he ran a hand roughly down his face. “Do you want this life?” it was your turn to furrow your brows as you adjusted yourself beside him. What did he even mean by that? “You could be in danger like that again... But I don't want you to be afraid because I’ll always protect you but... I’m scared that you’ll leave-”

Your lips pressed against his, silencing him, and his anxious rant. He kissed back a bit harder as his fingers laced into your hair, gripping onto the locks tightly as if you would float away. Pulling away, you touched your head against him before shooting a sweet smile. “I’m not going anywhere Kei. Now...” you began as you shifted back down the bed, your words seemed to hypnotize him as he watched you move. Your arms were open, urging him to move and just hold you like he wanted to. Like he needed to.

“Come lay down with me”

His whole demeanor changed as he crawled up to you and into your arms. While you tried to be the dominant one at the moment, Keigo was having none of it and pushed you downwards and into his arms. “I love you and I promise I’ll be there to protect you” you nodded against his chest, knowing that his words held no lie behind them. Leaning your head up, you puckered your lips up at him. He pecked them sweetly, but you could tell that he was hiding his possessive side from you.

“Kiss me like you actually mean it”

Your voice was like a growl and all walls he had immediately crashed down as he plunged his lips harder against yours. Your bottom lip was sucked up into his, causing you to moan into the hot kiss. The passion was flowing out of him and into you the longer and harder you two kissed. You knew you were safe and sound.

You were with the winged hero after all.

#keigo takami x reader #keigo takami imagine #keigo takami imagines #keigo imagine #keigo imagines #keigo x reader #hawks imagine #hawks imagines #hawks x reader #mha imagines #mha imagine #mha x reader #mha #bnha imagine #bnha imagines #bnha x reader

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blackenedwhite97 · 4 years

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Birthday Gifts-Reader x Aizawa [BNHA] {NSFW}

Request:

“Idk if your requests are open or anything but can I get a (really detailed lmao) Aizawa oneshot? It's the reader's birthday and to celebrate it they go out with their friends (Aizawa, Mic, Midnight, those peeps) and they get drunk with Aizawa? Then Aizawa takes them to his house and they have a heated, drunken makeout session and end up doing it? And they wake up sober and all and they just look at eachother like 👀 Please and thank you (you can just delete this if you don't wanna write it lol)”

This post includes: , sexual content (so many), cursing, alcohol use and unprotected sex.

As usual I overwrote! Use the “keep reading” page breaks as your guide, the smut and fun times will be nested in between breaks for easy access to anyone who just wants a one way ticket, no lay overs, to horn town.

Author’s note: Requests are super cool and fuel me when I’m brain dead. If you want something sexy/ steamy please keep the character request over 18+ and keep it (fantasies/ role play aside) groovy and consensual.

Okay, birthday sex now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could hear Midnight’s heals echoing down through the halls of your apartment, the thin walls couldn’t defend against her unstoppable strut. You looked yourself over in the full-length mirror you’d hung next to the coat rack, smoothing out your mesh shirt. You had tried your best to dress up, you had even rooted through your closet until you had found your good jeans. If you were honest with yourself, you were a full-time teacher and a full-time pro-hero, most social events usually demanded your hero costume, or your agency provided appropriate formal wear.

In recent years your wardrobe had thinned out considerably, any and all clubbing clothes were long gone or buried under the pile of ruined costume pieces you refused to clean out from your closet. The black mesh shirt you were wearing was borrowed, embarrassingly enough, from your niece who also had to supply the black tank top under it. You had never felt so desperate for clothes than when your niece had to start lending you clothes for your own birthday party. The one silver lining was seeing the scandalized look on your brother’s face when he saw what you had grabbed from her closet.

The front door swung open, Midnight’s spare key dangling in the lock.

“You know you can knock if I’m home.” You took stock of the mass of bags hanging from her arms.

She paused and looked you up and down. “A for effort but I have something for you to wear.”

You looked down at yourself then back at her. You had thought the mesh shirt was bordering on scandalous but compared to Midnight’s shimmering cut out dress you definitely looked like your sixteen-year-old niece had dressed you.

“But,” You gestured to your torso dramatically. “I did the mesh thing! That’s not hot?”

Midnight laughed and dropped one arm of bags unceremoniously on the ground. She scurried around you towards the kitchen pulling out a very luxurious looking bottle of champagne. “It’s your birthday and you aren’t showing leg.”

Since becoming friends with Midnight you had found yourself being spoiled left and right by her. She enjoyed the finer things in life, fine clothes, good drink and gourmet food. She also enjoyed good company, which she reminded you daily that you fit that bill. It was nice, when it wasn’t overwhelming.

“Pink bag.” She said and pointed to the pile of bags on the floor. “I’m getting you laid tonight.”

Your mind tried to picture the dress and all you could come up with was different iterations of Midnight’s hero costume. While you adored Midnight and her style and confidence, it wasn’t quite you. Aside from that the bag was embellished with the logo of a local high-end boutique. Expensive. “How much-”

“It’s a birthday present.” She cut you off.

“Midnight I can’t take-” you tried again.

“Don’t refuse a gift,” the bottle of the champagne rocketed up and dented your low ceiling. “it’s rude.”

You pointed to the ceiling. “That’s rude.”

“Just go put it on!” she waved you off as she began a fruitless search for champagne flutes that you surely didn’t own.

You scoped up the bag and looked at your jean clad legs longingly, you could do so much in jeans and so little in a dress (without revealing yourself). You peaked inside, a neatly folded mound of matt black fabric peeking through the decorative tissue paper. At least it’s not shiny.

As you headed to your room Midnight called after you. “The boys are coming here and we’re all splitting the cab there!”

Your heart jumped in your chest. The boys. Plural. Did that include- no he hates clubs. If he is coming over then that meant that he’d see you in whatever Midnight had selected for you. You grinned to yourself as you stared at the bag on your bed. Sneaky. No wonder she seemed so proud of herself. Although you certainly tried to keep it a secret, Midnight read you like an open book. She noticed how you trailed after him, stared at doors he’d left through.

You lifted the dress from the bag and left it unfold in your hands. It was simple, fitted and clean. You sighed in relief. A small bundle of lace fell out of the bundle to the ground and you looked down red faced to find a black thong on the floor.

“Put everything on!” You could hear the shit eating grin plastered on Midnight’s face.

You huffed and slid off your jeans, staring at the lacey panties with hesitation. Dressed fly up all the time, and you were somewhat of a public figure. But it would be hot to reach up your dress to find those.

Shit.

You swapped your underwear and slid the dress on. You very quickly realized that you’d have to go braless, the plunging neckline wouldn’t allow it. You had to admit, Midnight knew how to dress just about anyone. When she didn’t get overzealous that is. A memory of the sequinned ball gown she tried to convince you to buy last Christmas for Mt. Lady’s party flashed through your mind. You peaked into the bag, the shoes she’d thrown in were a pair of her own and were far too tall and had far too much ankle snapping capabilities for you. Luckily you had swiped a pair of heels from your agency’s closet, you were the only one with the right size of feet to wear them anyways. They were semi ornate burgundy heels that were tall enough to give you those sculpted calves but not so tall as to lend themselves to causing you serious bodily harm should you take a tumble.

You looked yourself over in the mirror and liked what you saw, a new confidence washed over you.

“I look hot as hell.” You declared under your breath.You opened your door, ready to show off Midnight’s hard work.

All confidence drained out of you for a split second when you made eye contact with the Aizawa as he leaned on your counter, a wine glass filled with champagne.

“Uh, H-Hi!” you squeaked. Aizawa looked lost for a moment, probably trying to zone out the energetic conversation Mic and Midnight seemed to be having on the opposite side of the kitchen island from him. He straightened up at the sight of you and you could have sworn a light pink blush attempted to break through across his cheeks. You liked to hope it was you he was blushing at but told yourself he could be a blusher when he drank.

“Hi.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly. “You look…like the birthday girl.”

He blinked long and hard. That sentence was as awkward for him as it was for you. Midnight jumped towards you, arms outstretched and demanded a spin.

“Let me see my work.” She spun you around and leaned in close so no one could hear. “Is it all on?”

You grinned despite yourself. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” Her hand patted your ass and she stepped away.

“You don’t have any champagne flutes!” She said, declaring a change in topic.

“I don’t drink champagne, why do I need champagne flutes?” You defended yourself and she slid a bubbly filled wine glass towards you, but also suspiciously close to where Aizawa was leaning. You took the glass and settled for a more comfortable distance from him, not that you didn’t crave getting as close as possible but you thought you should at least wait until you could blame any embarrassing advances on the alcohol.

“Yeah,” Midnight gestures at herself. “but I do!”

“They’re just skinny wine glasses, though.” Aizawa chimed in, his low calm voice hinting at entertained.

“Sho, my man.” Mic reached across the island and clapped a hand on Aizawa’s shoulder. “You are not a man culture.”

Aizawa turned directly to you, his deep eyes boring into yours. Again, you noticed that slight flush of color on his cheeks. “I think you wine glasses are just fine, don’t listen to these two.”

You grinned at him. “Thank-you, on behalf of me and my wine glasses.”

Midnight jumped, pulling her phone from her ample cleavage. “Cabs here!”

Aizawa began collecting wine glasses but you waved him off. “Don’t worry, I’ll get them in the morning.”

He placed his in the sink before Midnight was practically yanking you and him out the door.

“I need my wallet!” you yelped trying to grab your purse on the way out.

“No, you don’t! You aren’t paying for anything tonight!” she said wrapping a ridiculously strong arm around your shoulders.

Aizawa shot an arm out grabbing your purse off your coat rack as he was ushered out the door and handed it to you. “Uh, here.”

“Thanks.” You turned to lock the door, but Midnight was already pulling her key from the lock.

“Let’s go!” she sang as she began her unstoppable strut out of the building.

Midnight had shoved you and Aizawa in the back seat of the SUV, demanded her jacket be given its own seat in the back with you and insisted it could not get wrinkled. She was really good at this. You ended up sitting in the middle seat, having to lean into Aizawa periodically when she would remind you not to lean into her jacket. It was a very nice faux fur jacket, but you knew fur didn’t wrinkle. And you were pretty sure Aizawa knew that too.

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There was a big surprise that was ill timed but all together commendable. When you entered the bar some of the guests were still scurrying into their hiding places, you pretended for everyone’s sake to be very surprised. You even jumped and grabbed onto Aizawa for support, which the thankfully played along with by “catching” you in your shock. You were flooded with drink offers, some by hero’s you’d never even met before. Big parties with lots of booze do that, make everyone want to buy the birthday girl a drink. You gladly accepted a handful of drinks before pawning them off on All Might who had the metabolism of a God and Aizawa who soon enough was drunker than you.

Midnight and Mic were in their element, dancing and singing away. The crowd was so drawn to them that after a while you were able to retreat to a booth in the back and watch them light up the room from afar. You spun your untouched glass of god knows what, watching the melting ice swirl around the nearly fluorescent liquid.

“What’s that?” Aizawa grumbled towards your drink as he slid into the booth next to you. At some point in the night his shirt had become progressively more undone, the sleeves were rolled up and his hair fell from its elastic. He smelled of booze but beyond that a subtle wave of musk and soap washed over you.

“Dunno.” You said pushing it away and leaning into his shoulder. “Stay still, kay?”

“Room spinning?” He asked, leaning into you.

You nodded and closed your eyes taking in his smell. Something about this was so comfortable.

“I like this.” You said pulling on his shirt. “You look good in a dress shirt.”

“Thanks.” He chuckled. “You look beautiful tonight.”

You smirked. Hell yeah you did. “You should see what Midnight has me wearing underneath.”

There was a moment when all you could feel was Aizawa taking a deep breath beneath your head. “Is that an invitation?”

You opened your eyes and looked up at him. He was definitely blushing now, but there was no awkwardness in his eyes. They were intense, alight with heat and intent. You nodded against his shoulder and watched a smirk spread across his lips. A warm calloused hand found its way to your thigh and traveled upward under your dress, barely brushing the lace panties. It was barely a brush, but you felt excitement pull at your gut.

“Well, shit.” He breathed.

You swallowed your fear and decided that you were drunk enough to be able to blame it on that if this went poorly. You sat yourself up and pressed your hands to his chest, his hand stayed at its post between your legs and his eyes stayed glued to yours. You leaned forward, pressing your lips to his. He melted into you, his spare hand finding your hip. He instantly began nipping at your bottom lip and running his tongue across your lips until you gave into the wet sloppy drunk kisses. Not that you minded, you too were wet, sloppy and drunk.

His hands traveled everywhere, grabbing and stroking any part of you he could. By the time his hand found your inner thigh again you had swung a leg over his lap and he had begun to leave love bites across your collarbone and neck. You reached down and palmed him between your legs and he hissed, pulling away from you and taking hold of your jaw so he could look you in the eyes. It took you a minute to focus on him, the heat running through you threatening to burn through your clothes.

“Not here.” He breathed, huffing when you stroked him through his pants again. “I’m not fucking you here.”

You pouted and slumped back, hitting the table filled with drinks at varying stages of finished. He caught you by the hips before you fell too far back and laughed, his eyes impossibly warm and soft. “My place is two blocks away.”

You slid off of him and pulled our skirt down, hiding what fraction of our pride you still could for any possible on lookers. You reached out towards him. “This is my get laid dress, so lay me.”

He paused for a second, shaking his head and chuckling. You cringed inwards, possibly the worst sentence you leave your mouth.

“I know what you mean.” Aizawa said, ducking back to grab your purse from the booth. “Here.”

You grabbed it and latched onto his arm as the two of you leaned onto each other for support, hopefully creating the appearance of two only mildly buzzed people. You were both swaying, his hand unable to detach itself from your ass and yours keeping itself warm under his shirt. The walk was quick but clumsy, your “practical” heels failing you and demanding to be taken off over a sewer grate.

The most treacherous part of your journey was perhaps the dreaded keyhole in his door handle. You thanked god he lived on the first floor, at this point stairs were not an option. As soon as the door was open you were practically thrown inside to the dark apartment, your back hitting a wall a few feet from the door. He kicked the door closed behind him and was on you before the latch closed. In one smooth movement he hoisted you up into his arms and turned to place you on a set of drawers where you hit a glass key dish. It fell to the ground with a crash and off in the dark apartment a surprised cat yelped. You let out a giggle, holding onto Aizawa’s head as you pulled away to laugh. His head fell to your chest as he finished off the buttons on his shirt, shedding it and laughed with you. “You good?”

You nodded and pulled his face back to yours. He began working on your dress, the zipper on the back gave way under his surprisingly steady hands. In one swift movement he scooped you up and slid the rest of the dress from your body and placed you back down, this time careful to mind any stray key dishes. His hand ran along the wall looking for the light switch. The entrance to the apartment lit up with a dim amber light, his hair was mussed and his cheeks red, one of your love marks already bruising nicely against the pale skin of his throat.

You realized that you were nearly completely naked save the thong. Under any other circumstance you would have been mortified and scrambling for cover but given the alcohol and the way he was looking at you right now, you let the moment exist. He leaned forward pressing his forehead to yours.

“Beautiful.” He whispered.

“Pants.” You whispered back. “Off.”

He chuckled and obliged, dropping his pants and stepping out of them.

“Okay, sex now.” He huffed as he grabbed you by the waist and carried you into the barely illuminated living room.

He dropped you on the couch unceremoniously and manhandled you into position until you were sitting on the edge of the couch, your legs draped over his shoulders and his strong hands grasping at your thigh and breast. He trailed kisses up your thigh, his fingers hooking around your panties and tugging them down your legs. His hands left your body briefly, warm air hitting your face as your thong whipped past your head and over the couch. His hands gripped your thighs tight, holding them in place on his shoulders and he ducked down and began his work.

At first it was slow, tentative, almost shy. Then he found the spot, the spot that made you shiver and clench your thighs. You felt his scruff rub against your sensitive skin as he grinned, his grip tightening, and you began to squirm. He lapped at your clit, slow then fast, nipping when your squirming seemed to slow, keeping the knot in your gut swelling with every move. You moaned and dug your hand into his wild hair, the soft curls swallowing your fingers. You held him closer, practically begging him not to stop.

The knot in your stomach swelled until your thighs shook and your breath came out in quivering waves. You wanted him to fuck you so badly that the thought of cumming now felt like treason. You pushed against his head, yet he was unyielding in his assault on your core.

“Fuck.” You breathed, trying to delay the inevitable. “Sho, fuck me already.”

He pulled back, his hand replacing his tongue. “Not until you cum first.”

“N-no, please. Fuck me.” You begged, the knot tightening impossibly.

“I’m drunk.” He huffed, his breath washing over your already hot core. “Once I cum I cannot be held responsible if I fucking pass out. Now hold still so I can give you a birthday present!”

He dove back into your core, this time renewed with an almost aggressive approach, not that you were complaining. Your hands tighten in his curls and you gave in to him, everything he was building up to until you were rocking into his mouth and mewling like a cat in heat. He slipped in two fingers, your slick greedy vagina gladly accepted them. You felt him curse against you, no doubt the warm wet feeling of you wrapped around his fingers a siren’s call straight to his dick.

He pumped in and out, his tongue never yielding until finally the knot in your stomach released and a wave euphoria and shiver racked your body, your legs and arms twitching as your body felt as if it was floating.He helped you ride your high, adding another finger and whispering a cacophony of dirty words in your ear. You gripped his shoulders as you came back to yourself, he was covered in a thin layer of sweat and his scent wafted in painfully alluring waved towards you.

He lifted your weak legs and folded them into your chest, his boxers now discarded along with your lace panties, tossed into the dark abyss of the apartment. He placed a hot kiss to your forehead, then to the tip of your nose then to your lips. There he stayed as he lined himself up with your entrance and pushed forward. He was girthy and stretched you in ways you hadn’t expected.

“Breathe.” He pulled back, looking into your eyes. You hadn’t noticed you’d been holding your breath until now and let out the breath you were keeping locked away in your chest. Your body melted into the couch, forming to fit him perfectly as you relaxed. Again, he started slow, setting a pace while he figured out what felt right. He must have found the jackpot because suddenly his pace picked up, his breath hot on your neck. You felt a familiar knot, loosely forming in your stomach, your nerves still buzzing from your previous orgasms.

Aizawa reached forward, his hands finding your breasts as he leaned down into you. You were pressed back further into the couch as he drilled into you, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing in the dark. With each thrust the knot in your stomach tugged on itself, tightening. Aizawa paused, adjusting himself at your entrance before thrusting forward, stars shooting across your vision as a hot wave rattled through you. You’re mewls grew to yelps and gasps with every thrust, his grunts starting to match your love sounds.

You could feel yourself starting to shake, the tension in your gut almost too much to take, when he began to get sloppy. Every thrust became an endeavor as he struggled to find a pace he could keep while slowly coming undone. His hands slid down to the couch, gripping the fabric like he was going to be whisked away at any moment.

“Fuck.” He cursed; his body twitching out of rhythm.

You grabbed each side of his face and looked him in the eyes, pools of deep lust consuming your vision. You pulled him close, suddenly craving his lips on yours. He mirrored your urgency and soon his pace evened out, each thrust stronger and faster than the last. You felt yourself clenching around him, your legs locked at his shoulders.

He pressed his head against yours pulling out of the kiss so he could look into your eyes as he came. He drilled into you until your yelps turned into a silent scream of pleasure as the knot in your gut burst for a second time that night. With a final, strong thrust warmth spread through you as he leaned into you, his uneven breaths washing over your skin.

He slid down to his elbows as he rode out his own orgasm, his lips brushing your collar bone as he muttered sweet nothings to you.You twitched beneath him, stars and black spots dancing in your periphery. Your legs slipped off his shoulders and found rest at his hip, the two of you sweating and panting in the sweet afterglow of sloppy drunk sex.

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The rays of sun that broke through the blinds berated your eyes, the searing white light like a smite from god with the hangover you were about the nurse. Groaning against the light you reached over to your bedside table for the bottle of water you put there before leaving for the night. Your hand stopped short at a wall of plush and springy fabric…like the back of a couch. Your eyes shot open, bright hot sunlight filling your vision. You groaned and scrambled backwards out of the light’s reach, kicking something on your way back.

“Fuck!” You knew that voice.

You blinked away the retina burns, and your stomach dropped. At your feet a very sleepy and very naked Aizawa was lying on his front, his arms folded under his head.

“Sorry!” you chirped; realizing it was him you had just kicked. “D-did we-”

Aizawa looked up at you, at first he seemed just as dazed and confused as you did but then a sly grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I’d say so.”

You looked down at yourself, realizing you too were very naked. You pulled your legs up to cover as much as you could and wrapped your arms around your chest. “Do you…remember any of-”

“Not at all.” He grumbled, sitting himself up and grabbing a pillow from the ground to cover his junk. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

You squinted into the distance, calling on fuzzy memories of fluorescent cocktails and straying hands. You could feel your cheeks heating up. “Your hand up my skirt.”

“Was that-”

“My idea? Yep.” You recalled.

“Oh.” He nodded to himself. “Good.”

You both sat in silence staring at each other. A long-haired white cat leapt up onto the couch and rubbed its body up against your shins, begging for affection.

“Did you want to shower? I have some sweats you can-”

“Yeah, thanks!” you interrupted and jumped up, painfully aware of how very vey naked you were. You dashed towards the first door you saw.

“That’s my room, Bathroom’s down the hall.” You could feel him smirking at you.

“Right!” you said as you turned and strutted down the hall.

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #reader x bnha #reader x aizawa #eraserhead #eraserhead x reader #aizawa shouta #mha #mha x reader #reader insert #reader insert mha #reader insert bnha #my hero #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #fanfic #my hero academia fanfiction

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meepmoopfanfics · 4 years

Text

you don’t get a win unless you’re playing the game: Daveed Diggs x Reader Chapter 3 Part 2

The whirlwind of the party swept you off of your feet. You were beginning to feel on the drunk side. You met every single one of the OG members, laughing alongside them, dancing along side them. Everything began to blur together. Everyone was pretty drunk and you began to brown out a bit. Your fave dance of the night so far was a tie between your dance with Phillipa and her husband to Bust A Move or you, Oak, Jazz, and Ant’s moment scream-singing No Air in terribly off pitch.

“Y/N, there you ARE!” You looked over to see Michelle dancing, hanging on to Cedric laughingly. Cedric looked please so you smiled flirtatiously at the two of them.

 “My faves!!!!” You were happy to feel a sense of normalcy creep back into this chaotically amazing evening.

“Where the hell have you been?” Cedric asked.

“Nah the real question is where have the two of YOU been?!”

They both laughed. There was a visible hickey on Cedric’s neck, but I don’t think he figured that out quite yet.

“I saw ya over there chatting up Diggs!” Cedric raised his eyebrows.

Diggs. Shit. Where’d he go?

“Speaking of Diggs... where is he?”

Both Michelle and Cedric shrugged.

You began to pace through the large penthouse apartment and saw Rafa laughing with your fellow castmates watching random YouTube videos on the movie room tv.

No Diggs.

You searched the bedrooms. All doors locked with the lights off.

You finally got to the powder room and opened the door. There he was, on the phone.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He mouthed without letting out any sound.

“Sorry sorry sorry” you whispered as you began to shut the door behind you.

He stopped you from shutting the door and waved you in.

“Ya brah, it’s all good. Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure out the next steps. I can’t wait. Bye brotha.”

He hung up the phone.

“Have you heard of knocking?” He said, with a slightly disappointed look on his face.

“My castmates were asking where you were so I thought I’d look for you to make sure you were oka.. to make sure everything was okay.” You stumbled a bit as you shut the door behind you. “Everything okay on the phone?”

“Yeah! Just business stuff. The time difference between here and LA is a bitch sometimes.”

There was a pause as he looked down at the floor and then back up at you.

“Diggs, people probably think we’re doing blow in here or something.” You said as you laughed.

He laughed too as he put his arm around you, both of you facing the ceiling to sink mirror covering the wall. Instantly you felt the tension continuing from earlier. He looked at you like you were one of the most precious things he’d ever laid eyes on.

“Look at us. Fuckin HOMIES. We look so damn good. Kith should sponsor us.”

You giggled as you released your nerves, curling your head onto Daveed’s shoulder without even thinking.

He guided you in front of him and he put his hands on your waist.

Fuck.

He nuzzled his face up against the left side of yours. His hair tickling your neck and his scruff brushing against your cheek.

“You’re hella cute, Y/N.” His voice was dropping deeper and getting a lot tougher.

“Thanks Diggs!” You said innocently back trying not to read into anything.

He turned his head to look at your face. Your eyes were still in the mirror. How the hell was this happening?!? He slowly began planting the sweetest kisses all over your cheek. They felt quite naive. You didn’t think this would go any further. You giggled playfully as he squeezed you into a hug from behind.

That’s when you felt him, up against you, filling out his pants.

Not on the first night. Not on the first night. Not on the first night. You kept repeating to yourself. That’s when the two of you met eyes in the mirror.

“Shit.” You accidentally blurted out.

You turned around to face him. His hands still on your waist. You both stared at each other breathlessly. He still towered over you, even though you were in your suede platform boots.

In a second he picked you up to sit you on the sink carefully, yet forcefully, keeping his left hand on your right hip, bringing his right hand behind your neck.

Then, your lips crashed into one another. Hard. You moaned into his mouth and he reciprocated. He slowly started to intertwine his tongue with yours, stopping every now and again to suck on your neck and nibble your ear. The hand behind his neck guided your head. The kisses were beyond incredible. The only thing slightly off putting were that his lips way larger than yours and his scruff was for sure scratching your sensitive skin on your chin, making it irritated. You could give less of a fuck.

You felt yourself getting so hot and heavy. You were wet. Drunkenly, you reached your right hand to stroke his cock over his jeans.

“Fuck...” he whispered under his breath.

You felt how well endowed he was through his light wash jeans. All you could think was how difficult it would be to fit inside, but you’d do anything for it. For him. You were desperate.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

“What in GOD’S name is goin on in there Diggs?! You takin a dump?” You heard the familiarity of Rafa’s high pitched drunken voice through the door. He cracked it open... you forgot to lock it. “HellooooooOoO?!” He said as he pushed the door open.

The two of you parted immediately. You sat there, red in the face, on the sink, specifically scratched up on the chin from Daveed’s scruff, out of breath. Daveed took a step back, looking wide eyed at his friend.

“Oh... Oh!!! FUCK!! I’m so sorry...... Continue!” He shouted and slammed the door.

This jolted you sober. Your heart was visibly pounding in your neck. Diggs started scratching his head, pulling his hair nervously. All you could do was laugh.

“Maybe we should continue this another night? Somewhere a little more comfortable?”

“I’m in, I’m in.” He said looking away.

“Sorry to leave you hanging.” You planted one more slow, sensual kiss into his lips while grabbing the chest of his hoodie. “Who knew Kith would’ve brought us together like this?” It took every last bit of your control to stop yourself from ripping off your matching hoodies.

“You’re tellin me...”

You opened the door to see Rafa and Ant staring at you glaringly.

You looked back at Daveed and looked back at them.

You all erupted into a never ending fit of laughter.

Lin was right. This was your fucking family. You were so ready for this next chapter of your life. Whatever you and Daveed just got yourself into was not a mistake.

—-

You slowly made your rounds and said your goodbyes, ordering your $55 uber (yikes) back up to the heights.

Diggs kissed your hand and waited for your uber to pick you up safely.

“Hey, Y/N, what’s your number? I want you to text me when you get home.”

You smiled as you typed it into his iPhone. You hopped into the uber and smiled like an idiot with the window down the entire 45 mins home.

You reached your apartment, climbed 4 flights up, stumbled in, taking your suede shoes off and putting your sweatpants on. You decided you weren’t gonna take the hoodie off. It smelled like him.

Your phone vibrates.

“Maybe: Diggs” it reads.

You open it.

2:14am “Hey it’s Diggs. Make it home safe?”

2:14am “Just got in. Safe and sound 😊”

2:16am “Good good. I’ll see you on Monday gorgeous”

2:17am “Looking forward to it”

You kept typing and deleting a second message... you decided to shoot your shot.

2:22am “Looking forward to finishing what we started earlier too 😉”

Now the text anxiety settled in.

The last think you remember seeing before passing out was opening Twitter and seeing this:

9:37PM

@linmanuelmiranda “Who wore it better? Bullet or Vice Prez?

*pic of Y/N and Daveed in matching hoodies*

5,323 LIKES 711 RETWEETS

—

Replies:

@HAMILAMI1776

WHAT?! PRECIOUS!!!!!

@PEGGYSTHEBEST12

Vice Prez comes in second, yet again. I’m obsessed with Y/N already.

@HAMILFANACCT

Seriously Y/N is stealing the show here. If ya don’t know, now ya know, Mr. President… HAHA

@MINIMANUALUMBRELLA

Wait a min… SALLY… RUN!!! Lmao

taglist:

@alexander-hamilhoe

#daveed diggs x reader #daveed x reader #fanfic #Daveed smut

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bisexualhobi · 3 years

Note

Do you have any recommendations for namseok fics that are kinda angsty or like semi serious. I found one a year ago and it wreck me to the core. But the author deleted it. Ugh

hmm idk about that much angst because tbh it’s quite hard to find well written angsty fics that are not just a mile long warning tags of “noncon/rape/death/character assassination” for shock value, but i do have some serious or at least not just fluff and comedy fics that you might like! don’t forget to leave kudos and a nice comment, specially for our namseokies who are a small village lmao

[you can check my other namseok fic recs here]

if it feels good by homis

After twelve years of pretending to be a beta, Hoseok's disguise is compromised. He faces two choices: be kidnapped and sold to the highest bidder, or beg an alpha friend to claim him before that happens.

If You're Wondering If I want You To (I Want You To) by HopefulBlessing

Namjoon is trying to figure out what is causing the flutter in the pit of his stomach every time he catches a sliver of Hoseok’s golden skin. Spoiler: It’s arousal.

Alternatively, 12k words of Hoseok thirsting for his leader and Namjoon being the only one that can’t tell, so he acts distant.

the fear has gripped me, but here i go by afterthedisco

“Are you okay?” Seokjin finally asks. “Okay,” Namjoon bobs his head once. Seokjin smiles with something like relief and maybe something like pity. Namjoon looks back down at his coffee and wonders if there will ever be a day he’ll be able to answer that question with something other than a lie.

Or; Namjoon is trying, in the only way he knows how.

always under or above by bazooka

It didn’t mean anything. There was no way it meant anything. They were - they were roommates. Friends. They had different bedrooms and different beds and - and okay, fine, they didn’t always sleep in their own beds every single night, but they mostly did.

a hollow tune by ienveeus

‘i’m gonna get you out of that shitty house,' namjoon tells him, 'and we’ll go on a bunch of stupid adventures together and i’ll rap and you can dance all you want, okay?’

‘that sounds nice, namjoon,’ hoseok says, voice soft and faraway.

-----

‘and then a few years later he went off without you, huh?’

‘yeah,’ namjoon says, there’s a lump in his throat, like the beginning stages of a bad cold. ‘without me.’

an uninhabited world by misspamela

“I don’t understand why you’re overthinking this,” Yoongi said. “Is it because of the Hoseok thing?” They were in the studio, too tired to work anymore, instead veering off into exhausted, caffeine-fueled conversations that got way too deep way too fast. “Wait, what Hoseok thing, that was years ago.” Namjoon felt his ears go red. “Was it,” Yoongi said.

Good Job (with a G and a J) by taetaetiger

“Good, Hoseok," Namjoon says. "That’s exactly right. Very good.” Oh. Oh, Hoseok thinks. Oh, he feels crawling down his spine. Oh, he sits higher in his seat. Oh, he tightens his legs together and feels a rush through his stomach, through the insides of his thighs, through his groin. Oh.

and some bonus namgiseok in case you wanna get into that:

heartache to sing by justawordshaker

“They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?”

In 2018, they admitted to the world that they considered disbanding. The questions is: how close did they really come?

Logical Thinking by Only_A_Fangirl

“What’s the favor you wanted?” Namjoon asks. “Right,” Hoseok says. “So, I drank a little bit yesterday, and I got this really good idea. And then I sobered up and the idea was still good, so… here I am.” “What is it?” Yoongi asks. Hoseok takes a deep breath, looks at Yoongi pointedly for a few seconds, “Let me suck your dick.”

#asks #fic rec #fanfic #namseok #namgiseok #Anonymous

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mrballard · 4 years

Text

Free flow

Connect the fingers to the keyboard

The screen is bright and the keys are far away and I’m worried about typing the wrong words. Hemmingway says write Drunk, edit sober. But I don’t drink, the collective of voice inside me have declared it poison. We protect the child. Hey no delete button, no reading. I don’t even think you should be able to see what your tpying. Maybe that’ll make it better haha. Just blind taping… Okay.

So I’m a Mutliple. In the Cast Model somewhere around Acceptance/Confusion and Comparison..... Some Pride, testing it out... I’m afraid I’ll end up being ‘too much’

Inside me I’m functioning with more than one notion of self. Notion of Self. “Once you name a thing it is a thiing” if you call it something it is and for some reason, when you capitalize the letters it’s like “ohhh that’s a tThing thing not just a thing thing.

Blind writing, that’s pretty genius honestly.

((But hey, you’ve been saying you’re a genius for so long))

Don’t think I don’t see that you’re having trouble getting the ‘ before the re in you’re. Pattern recognition… Perfectionism… Paranoid Schitzofrenia… DID… Multiples…. Who cares what you call it. It’s happening

HP: Just because it’s happening inside your head doesn’t mean it’s not real, ya know?

((Okay so… What’s the Brain Room look like? (notice the caps ? lol)))

Of course there must be a “Board” Round-Table…. Thoughts come from the center like that 70s show, if we were to META talk about it in the outer world. I liked that camera game idea, I thought it was Shark Tank Wortthhhhhyyy lmao… lmao and lol are designated.

I’m a Writer.

Say it and it’s so.

Now bring the person into the narritive. Show them the Brain Room.

It flucuates. The Brain Room isn’t reminds me of what it would look like if MIB were true and you opened up the face of a due and tiny robot ship was inside

(((Or like Treehouse that you….. Sorry, there [time has passed]….

Only seconds really, adding time into these conversations with self ar is going to prove difficult.

——-

Let me explain… No. I’m tired.

It’s the Xanax, why did you put my to sleep.

What are we on the verge of? What am I about to dicover.

When or what happens if the end of the story is that there’s an end to the story.

If not I must write forever

Like I’m running out of time

I only have so much though, it’s not infinite here.

What if I knew how many days I’ve been alive.

What if this is the Universe conspiring

What if the signs I’ve been seeing are—— tell me about your day

The Eye of Horis is spray painted on the side of a huge tree, right as we’re auto piloting through the woods and talking and stuff and then something stops us and there it is, in red thin spray paint. The opening into the cosmos, the sign of opening it

The Woods is Calling me. HARD

Slkf;aslkfas;f

Is this my manifesto?

Or my suicide note?

Or eventually, once I get a hold of all of you- the script to a cartoon we put on on our own

Please do Hamilton

You’re so talented, I can see it. I’m not biased, though things are exceptional from my eyes outward, and setting up the cameras is / should be a priority…. What a shit word. It’s the act of moving around time oriented tasks based on preceieved value.

I’m tired

Upload would be nice, I’d be a genius. Folks would know. How do I make them see?

Do you see what I see?

Power.

What makes it?

I see it in his eyes, he thinks it’s fun.

I have Potential….. My grandma says though, timing is everything.

#DID #System #Notes

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chernoblank · 5 years

Text

Ulana's sartorial choices

Everything she ever wore, going from this, to this:

Now, I’m not a fashion connoisseur by any means, and tbqh I’m more likely to dress like her or worse than her IRL, so grain of salt and all that. All gifs are mine. Images are either screenshots or from HBO/BBC/not mine. Sorry for potato quality.

Lab wear

So, we first meet Ulana in her lab, asleep at her desk, on April 26, 1986 at 8:30. We can either assume she: a) spent the night in her lab and fell asleep, b) came ungodly early and fell asleep. I hope it’s b), because she doesn’t change clothes the next day, which would make her be wearing the same shirt for 3 days straight if it’s a)

So we have a red button up shirt, with a dark red/purple tight-ish cardigan. She’s wearing a watch on her right hand (?), a golden locket necklace, and a ring on her left hand.

Before you all freak out like I did, I’m told married rings are worn on the right hand over there - certainly the other characters do. This also seems to be some kind of jewel ring, not really a marriage alliance. We’ll revisit it later.

Not really lipstick.

Here are her reading glasses, typical 80s round glasses, I remember my mother, teachers etc wearing those

Even though she wears her watch on her right hand, Ulana operates the instruments with her right hand so she’s not a leftie.

Here’s a glimpse of her skirt.

Girl, what? I mean, kudos for vaguely matching because the um, pink bird poo motives of the fabric kind of go with the red on red theme she’s doing but uuuh.

Party Headquarters

Ulana grabbed a really fucking ugly brown leather overcoat, a brown briefcase and her black? purse and went to the Party Headquarters dressed as she was. Not really lipstick again.

But! We see her shoes, and oh my god, I like them.

Here’s a purse close-up

Smallish purse, nothing worth talking about.

Now, in the show continuity, night falls in Pripyat, Valery goes to the hotel, the next morning they start dropping sand and boron.

Back to the lab

The next time we see Ulana she’s in her lab, it’s daylight, and Dmitry’s hair looks like he hasn’t gone to bed all night. I can only presume they stayed in the lab worrying all night.

Ulana looks relatively groomed, but is still wearing the same button up dress shirt (unless she owns, idk, 10 of them and wears them all the time), but now has added a wonderful, enormous BRIGHT ORANGE cardigan.

Peak Ulana fashion.

Now it seems her skirt is brown (possibly grey?) but it’s difficult to see.

For my sanity, I’m going to pretend she went home, had a shower, and changed clothes at some point in the evening, and she just happens to really really like those red shirts. It might even be that this is a darker red shirt, hard to tell.

Pripyat

Ulana drives to Pripyat herself, is stopped, and brought to Valery and Boris. I have no words for what she’s wearing. First glimpse here. Very little lipstick, if any.

Here she is, in all her glory

The lighting really sucks on this gif and I’m sorry. But it looks like the skirt is grey and different from the bird poo one. So at least she changed! I like this skirt, actually. The scarf thing, I, um, well, I have no words, again.

Can I just point out that even dressed so unfortunately, Emily Watson is SO GORGEOUS and I’m in love with her? Her eyes, aaa

The lipstick that is visible in the still image above seems “show make-up” because it doesn’t look very visible in the action scenes. The shirt is, you guessed it, red.

She’s still wearing her ORANGE CARDIGAN underneath, in case you were doubting.

I’ll just leave this here because I can

Same, Boris. S A M E.

Kremlin

Now the stakes are higher! Ulana had to up her game.

Now, on my first couple of watches of this scene, I thought her dress was underwhelming and a little inappropriate. I mean, it’s definitely not what I’d wear if I were to meet the President of my country in a formal meeting.

But on second thought, idk, the material looks nice, it’s sober, the neckline isn’t too low, she removed all of her bling. It looks like a formal-ish working dress. About 100 steps above anything we’ve seen her wear so far, in any case.

Edit: 29/09

Now you all know my theory about how she came to wear that, but it’s not out of the question that she thought of packing something vaguely formal before going to Pripyat, and this so happened to be the best thing she had on hand.

My girl is wearing more evident lipstick now, her hair is combed, and she looks amazing. Second best look of the series, imo.

Back to Pripyat

Next time we see Ulana is in Episode 3, on May 2-3, working at the bar of the hotel when Valery joins her to flirt ask her to go to Moscow. Now bear with me, the lighting is atrocious for the whole scene.

Bare legs unff. Excuse the shitty brightening:

She is wearing a grey cardigan, a skirt (possibly grey BUT SEE BELOW), what seem to be her nice shoes of episode 2 and a red shirt again, but this one with a uhh, questionable pattern. Little lipstick again. Also she’s definitely writing with her right hand in this scene.

I think she really really likes red clothes ok?

BUT WAIT

I brightened the scene as much as I could

Edit 29/09:

IT’S NOT A SKIRT

SHE’S WEARING A DRESS

A RED DRESS WITH THAT WEIRDO PATTERN

IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IRRADIATED ZONE

man sometimes I make leaps in fic character-wise and then I realize I was actually right and just lmao Ulana ilu

Moscow - Nurse

Not much to see here. She didn’t have a choice, standard nurse clothes. Even the shoes. This is what she wears for the rest of episode 3, until Valery frees her.

Moscow - Library

This is, in my opinion, Ulana’s third best outfit of the series. A grey, tweed-like dress, both professional and as elegant as the poor girl can get.

See this excellent post for a good look at the dress in an exhibit (we'll revisit the look shown there in a bit): https://littlethingwithfeathers.tumblr.com/post/186844994289/so-i-was-fortunate-enough-to-get-to-visit-the

Notice her shoes are a little different this time, with the square heels and possibly cream - light brown in color

Still wearing her ring (and the watch, and the locket)

Definitely a jeweled ring. Looks like a family heirloom imo.

Abandoned Building scene

Oh my god. Oh my god. She’s never looked as pretty as in this scene.

Production stills:

Where do I begin!! The beret! The lipstick! The scarf! The coat!

The red leather gloves

The coat, peeps. THE COAT. I’m DYING. My girl is dressed to SLAY.

Valery breaks her heart hurts her academically and she still looks like this

GIRL, WHAT HAPPENEd

WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THE BIRD POO SKIRT AND THIS FASHION-SHOW-LOOK-AT-ME-I’M-GORGEOUS-AND-I-KNOW-IT OUTFIT?

All the awards for this look, omfgggg.

Listen, if it’s not Boris, at least she idk went shopping in fucking Moscow for new clothes or something while she was researching.

Back in Minsk

I’ve spoken about this mysterious look before:

and established it comes from a deleted scene in Minsk where she makes a spur of the moment decision to go see Valery. She’s wearing her excellent grey tweed dress again, but alas, the orange cardigan is back. Is it a comfort thing? Does she really like the thing, does it make her feel comfortable? All in all, I have to say the combination doesn’t look bad? It actually is a splash of color on the boring grey tweed, giving more liveliness to her look.

Valery’s flat

Ulana takes the train to see Valery in his flat, and wow

My girl. What is even that pattern but it looks SO GOOD with this white jacket.

When we pan down, it’s AGAIN a whole dress with that pattern, which um, I’m not too sure about. I mean, she looks GORGEOUS from the waist up. It matches her eyes! (Is this Marfa's second dress?)

ULANA REALLY LIKES HER WEIRDO PATTERNED DRESSES ok? And I can’t help noticing it’s the same kind of “look” she wore when Valery made that request of her in the hotel - intentional? I think so. I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Heeled shoes, but I can’t quite tell which ones they are.

Edit 30/09: she is wearing earrings in this scene! I don’t think we’ve seen earrings for her in the entire show.

Looks like her ears are pierced? Those don’t really look like clip-ons but I’m not sure. They are red and gold (silver and green would have looked amazing, don’t you think?).

Trial

We arrive at Ulana’s last look. I think she looks really good from the waist up

I LOVE THE SKIRT

but when I look at it as a whole I feel the jacket is a little bit too tight and short for her? And I don’t really like her look in motion.

I think with her body type (and very nice ass), a jacket looser at the bottom and a bit longer might have worked better with this type of pencil skirt, instead of forcing a straight line to her figure.

Also not a fan of the ribbon thingy on her shirt, but you know, idk, whatever it’s ok. Wish she’d tied it more symmetrically.

But she looks polished and professional (and a little soft? innocent-like?), and I approve.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk! I clearly have too much time on my hands. I hope you agree with me that Ulana’s clothes took a turn for the better as episodes went on.

#ulana khomyuk #chernobyl hbo #emily watson #ulana fashion

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nightwingvixen23 · 5 years

Text

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd tagged DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON In A Post :

BAAAAAABEEEyyyyy theres this guy hes so hot what should i do ??? I love you come partyy with me XOXOXO💞💗💖😍😘😚🧡💝✨✨🌈🌈

43 Likes 38 Comments

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : Babe are you drunk lol

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Naw. lmfao You’re just fucking wonderfull aren’t u

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : Seriously Hot Stuff, sober up a bit and turn to your left

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Its like you WANT me talkin to ‘tha hot guy’

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : u wanna 3sum ?? because im down. DTF always baby doll

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I AM the fucking guy to your left

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Your fucking the guy to my left wtff

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I hate you

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : kk looookss lik im cheatin on u tonitee. Omg, hot shit just slid into my lap like, he’s got a great ass🍑 imma take him home to u👅💧

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : Sounds good. And I’ll pretend we’re not messaging each other on our phone’s while I’m the one sitting in your lap right now. Idiot. lol

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Good ol’ mother fucking ménage à trois

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I am beyond astounded that your utterly lush brain spelled that correctly

Stephanieee23 : This is just great👌 This is totally going up on The Wall of Shame back at HQ 😹

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I dare you

Stephanieee23 : *completely ignoring that weak ass threat* ....let me just screen shot here aaannndddd......*click*....encrypted bitch 🖕

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Imma have me a 3 way tonite stephie

Stephanieee23 : I heard !!! Congrats bro, way to reel them in. OH and he looks cute! I can see him from across the club. Black hair, blue eyes, tanned skin; soooo not your usual recipe

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Well, yooou know, i like to sample the buffete while i fucknn can

WildRose : Please keep talking. This shit just keeps getting better, even though ==> ☕🐸

RedKINGRoy : LMFAO AND I THOUGHT YOU COULD HOLD YOUR LIQUOR JAY😂😂

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : SUCK A COCK ROY

TimBirb : Maybe we should just head home

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : Is everyone seriously on this fucking website right now? Can you all just head back to our table ? Jay is getting too touchy, H E L P

WildRose : Yup, he sure is; looks hot from my angle

Stephanieee23 : It’s a big ol’ fat thumbs up from me 😉

RedKINGRoy : I cant see shit, but that’s okay, I’ve got my own robin to play with 😏

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I fucking knew it 🙄

Stephanieee23 : 😲 shit, u dead

WildRose : Well it was nice knowing you Roy Harper

TimBirb : Delete that comment before he’s sober or your ass with be shot within half a second

RedKINGRoy : Bet on it

TimBirb : How about NO

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : on the first day of Chirstmas my tru luv gave to me, NO FUCKING COCKK

RedKINGRoy : yeah he’s hammered lmao 😆

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : Oh yeah?? Mr. Roy Mcfucksmybrotheralot?? You couldn’t tell??? Shit, Now he’s singing the baby shark song.

Stephanieee23 : FUCK I’M ON MY WAY !! KEEP HIM SINGING !

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : I see where priority lies with you Steph

Stephanieee23 : You know it bro

Stephanieee23 : HAS LOGGED OFF

DICKPrettyThingGRAYSON : HAS LOGGED OFF

WildRose : HAS LOGGED OFF

TimBirb : HAS LOGGED OFF

RedKINGRoy : Just to piss you off for when you’re sober tomorrow and see this fantastically manic thread Jay; I can neither confirm nor deny to having fucked Tim tonight 🤘😝🤘

RedKINGRoy : HAS LOGGED OFF

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : Whatt the fuck is a Tim

Jason Piece’a’Me Todd : hheelllloooooooo

#THIS IS A WRECK #Some sort of Gotham Facebook #RoyTim #JayDick #Jason is drunk as fuck #clubbing #Jason Todd #Red Hood #Dick Grayson #Nightwing #Roy Harper #Aresnal #Rose Wilson #Ravager #Stephanie Brown #Spoiler #Tim Drake #Red Robin

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cryoculus · 5 years

Photo

SO my dumbass accidentally deleted the whole request because I was tinkering with the HTML on Tumblr mobile (it only lets me edit desktop-made posts as HTML instead of Rich Text). The app is a nightmare how do you guys use it as your base of operations sobs

Good thing I took pics of the req to show a friend before it got deleted except for the Yaku one /sigh/ Whoever requested this, I’m sorry if you won’t be notified because of my dumbassery lmao.

I’ll be putting it under a cut (this was what i was trying to do on the mobile but then i messed up).

Sugawara

Sugawara really doesn’t approve of your habit of hotboxing in your room to cope with the stress.

“There are healthier outlets,” he says.

Nonetheless, he is definitely the boyfriend that would go out of his way to get you your favorite food for when you’re under the influence, be it the brownies from the corner market or your favorite drink to alleviate the cottonmouth.

He tells you all the time, “This is the last straw,” with that mama bear voice of his, but you just know that he’d still let you off the hook, should you do it again.

“When you’re sober enough, I’m going to tutor you, okay?”

Best caretaker award goes to him 100%

Kenma

The first time he found out that you smoked pot, Kenma didn’t know what to do with the information, since it was pretty foreign to him and Kuroo never really exposed him to that kind of thing.

But when you managed to coax him into trying it, he became low-key into it.

Eventually, he even surpassed you at the art of blunt-rolling.

Although, he was no stoner. He’d moderate his habits since he knew that too much of anything was bad. He encouraged you to do the same.

But at the rare occasion when you’re crumbling from the immense pressure of your looming finals, he’d humor you and smoke a few joints of your favorite strain as a lo-fi playlist played in the background of your room.

When you’ve had your fun, he’d remind you that you still had exams.

“You know you can’t run away from your revising, right? Come on, I’ll help you out.”

Kenma would definitely indulge you but will also keep you grounded to your responsibilities owo

Nishinoya

Oh, no. Here he comes. The campus weed boi.

Since the two of you initially bonded at a party because you got your stuff from the same guy, Nishinoya knew the ABC’s of stress relief via getting high. Eventually when he became your boyfriend, he decided to crank things up a notch, too.

He’d bring along his massive bong when he’d hear about you stressing over exams, of course.

“Yuu, what the fuck?”

He’d grin at you cheekily before unpacking all the things he brought for the sake of your peace of mind.

He’s always told you that bongs get people really high really fast so that just meant that the high would fade just as quickly.

That wasn’t always the case, so you’d end up baked for at least three hours, depending on what strain he got you.

Instead of reviewing, you’d be giggling and making out with your boyfriend as you took turns hitting the bong.

“I’m sorry,” he’d murmur against your mouth. “I was supposed to help you, but I got you further off track instead.”

But that was all right, since there wasn’t anything better than Noya cheering you up in the best way he knows.

Revising was for chumps, anyway.

Kageyama

Kageyama was pretty adamant with the fact that you smoked weed in general since he’s a pretty traditional guy.

He sees it as some act of rebelliousness.

It was a walking-on-thin-ice kind of topic, so the two of you would just avoid talking about it, since you weren’t willing to quit and he didn’t try to accept it.

But one time, the tension just spilled over and the two of you got into a really messy fight that lasted for days.

Your mind was a mess -- finals was coming up, your boyfriend isn’t making it easy for you to find solace, your stash was running low, and your dealer was heading out of town.

But then, as you were hitting the last joint you could roll up, Kageyama emerged from your door with a clear plastic bag full of what seemed like a whole ounce of weed. You could see there were still stems and little seeds mixed at the bottom though.

“I heard your dealer was away,” he muttered, giving you the plastic bag of obviously bad weed.

Man, you never thought you’d live to see the day when your boyfriend would personally buy you a gram, much more a whole ounce.

You tackled him onto the floor and peppered him with kisses.

“H-Hey, you need help with revising, right?”

“That can wait, Tobio~”

Yaku

To your surprise, Yaku makes really really really good edibles. The ones he make are on practically god-tier compared to the others you’ve had the pleasure to taste.

His specialty lies in cannabis infused chocolate bars.

Yaku is very popular for them in the underground, but he only takes a few orders at a time because they’re really tedious to make. The most he’s made was about four batches within the span of three months.

Nonetheless, his space brownies, for lack of a better term, were out of this world.

As you were lamenting over the fact that your professor still hasn’t sent the slides for some of your coursework, you were munching on the brownies that simply melted in your mouth.

At your request and after a long time of convincing him, Yaku made you six laced brownies every week. You insisted on a dozen but there simply wasn’t any bargaining with him.

“If I find you dead from space brownie overdose I might actually jump off a cliff, you know?”

Still on edge, you ask Yaku to come over because feeling the effects of his godly creations isn’t as great when you’re alone.

When he came, he’s carrying a basket in his hands. It’s strange since he only brought out the basket when he’s giving you something special. From what you recall, you still have about three brownies left.

With a warm smile, he hands it to you. Once you peek under the cloth that covered its contents, you almost dropped it.

“Yakkun! Didn’t you make about three orders of this last week?” you nearly yelled in his face as trembling fingers reached out for his heavenly pot chocolates sealed in a Ziplock.

He shrugged. “I know how hard you always are on yourself during finals week. I figured I’d spoil you a little.”

You sure didn’t make any mistake in dating your university’s edible legend.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu hc #haikyuu #sugawara koushi #kozume kenma #nishinoya yuu #kageyama tobio #yaku morisuke #typing it was fun the first time but im not having fun the second time

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the-first-date · 4 years

Text

A conversation with Madison Leigh Mumma [22/NB/Cincinnati]

Madge Maril: Hello! How are you today?

Madison Leigh Mumma: Hi! I'm great, how are you?

MM: Doing OK! For those that don't know you (and your work), can you tell us about yourself?

MLM: Sure! I live in Cincy, just graduated with a BFA, and for the most part consider myself an artist. I recently realized that I actually have no desire to go back to school so now I'm just working in coffee and saving up money to move. Oh, also, my pronouns are they/them! And I'm a Pisces!

MM: Oo, were you planning on going back to school before? And move where?

MLM: Yeah, I was dead set on going into critical theory and getting a PhD, but it took a break from academia for me to realize that it exhausts me way too much to be healthy. I'm thinking east coast, maybe Providence or Hadley??

MM: Well I don't know what critical theory is and I don't know where Hadley is but I have heard of Providence!

MLM: It's very broad! I think I was mostly attracted to the idea of arguing and criticizing for a living.

MM: Pisces!!!

MLM: EXACTLY.

MM: I love it.

MLM: With an Aries fuckin moon, lmao. Constant combat.

MM: WOW. Rising?

MLM: Also Pisces!! Pisces Sun, Rising, Mercury, and Venus.

MM: Omg, that's so intense — what's it like for you?

MLM: Like you said — VERY intense. I'm either 0% or 100% and that can be... a lot. But I think it's exciting to feel everything as much as possible, too!

MM: Said like a true blue pisces. OK so seamless transition: What do you wear on the first date? And follow up: Do you think it's reflective of your sign?

MLM: I usually wear a lot of black and let my accessories do the talking — so on a first date I'd probably wear a trusty black velvet shirt, high-waisted skinny jeans with a cool belt, and Docs. I'm very superstitious and a heavy believer in luck so I'd be wearing aquamarine and maybe some red jasper, dagger earrings, and a pin or two. I think that makes sense as a Pisces — I have a solid base but otherwise can be pretty fluid.

MM: What do aquamarine and red jasper have to do with luck?

MLM: Aquamarine symbolizes courage, protection, and is meant to enhance communication (and it's my birthstone!). Red Jasper is the stone of ~empowerment~, I actually started wearing it because a friend told me it reminded them of my "fighting spirit.”

MM: That's so interesting. And I've seen your dagger earrings on IG before I think! Where did you get them, and what do they mean to you?

MLM: My friend gave them to me as a gift! I like that they're elegant but still a little spicy. They feel like they go with the jasper in that respect — like there’s beauty in self-protection and putting yourself first.

MM: Completely agree. And it goes with the black outfit, too. Why a black shirt?

MLM: Black seems very secure and calm to me, plus it's always flattering and the velvet elevates just a liiiitle above a T-shirt.

MM: There's a lot of emotion in your outfit. What are you typically feeling on a date, if you can make it generic?

MLM: I have to be fairly comfortable talking to somebody before I go on a date with them, and I'm very selective about who I spend my time with. So at that point I'm usually really excited to see if there��s any **spark**.

MM: That's so opposite from me lol. When I'm single, I just like to go out and ~experience.

MLM: Ahh sometimes I really wish I could do that! I mean, I COULD but I think it goes back to the Pisces/emotions thing. I exhaust myself so fast!

MM: How so, if you don't mind me asking?

MLM: Well, I tend to daydream a bit so I build up my ideas of strangers around their potential instead of what I know to be reality, and that can spiral real fast. I actually deleted Tinder this summer and made a sort of romantic vision board to break that habit.

MM: Tell me more about this mood board.

MLM: It's basically an incomplete list of things that are valuable to me in a partner, and things that I can't/won't compromise on. A couple of examples are like, being considerate and independent. Also, you can't be a cop lover. In the past I've just been attracted to people that make me beg for their affection because it feels like I'm winning something, but that high isn't sustainable or worth it! Having a physical list keeps me accountable.

MM: My mom actually told me to do the same thing when I was looking for a partner! So you have her sage wisdom behind you. I imagine it helps you reality check during the infatuation stage? Like oh, they're cute but they do XYZ and I promised myself that's a no-go.

MLM: Aw yay!! YES definitely, that actually just happened this past week. I had a crush on someone I don't really know and realized I actually just like the attention.

MM: God, preach. And also like, that's a deep thought, and kind of a hard one to unpack. How did it feel to realize that?

MLM: Honestly, really good and kind of relieving! It took a lot of conscious effort to get to this point and it was like "A-HA! I am not a slave to my impulses! Incredible!"

MM: I'm envious that you were able to realize that all right out of college. I feel like post graduation was my most murky, in-my-own-head time, especially romantically.

MLM: It was definitely rough. I went sober this January and I don't think I would have been able to make this much personal progress without that. Once I made that change it kind of had to be all or nothing.

MM: Congratulations on your sobriety!!

MLM: Thank you!! ❤

MM: I've done periods of sobriety, but had long-term partners for all of them iirc. What's being on the dating scene like when you're not drinking? I really can't imagine it.

MLM: It definitely slims down the pool, lol. I didn't realize how much of my social life involved drinking before, and I'm not currently in a place in my sobriety where I could be involved with somebody who drinks. That plus the fact that I deeply enjoy alone time has meant I go out way less. But I'm a lot kinder and intentional in the interactions I have now and generally enjoy myself more so I think it all balanced out!

MM: You know, I don't think I've ever heard someone say they really enjoy alone time. I think most people tolerate it at best. With so much changing and blossoming internally, do you think how you present yourself to the world through your personal style has shifted, too?

MLM: I relish it! I think my style has become slightly less chaotic, maybe a bit more monochrome. This sounds super corny, but now that I've gained some self-confidence and am more stable I don't use my clothes to speak for me, hahaha.

MM: It's not corny at all!! I've been ruminating on that lately, too. I used to look in my closet and think of it as costume pieces.

MLM: Yesss!

MM: Also I'm now realizing it's been like almost two hours somehow??

MLM: Time is not real!

MM: I'll wrap this up so you can get back to your evening! Do you have any social media/online places you want to shout out for people to follow?

MLM: Ooh yeah! I run @groundscoresofficial on Insta, and post my art at @chaoskewpie! You can find my personal through either of those but I mostly post cats and my roommates, ha. Thanks so much for having me in your online space :^))

MM: Thank you for coming to hang out at the digital pad!!

#first date #fashion blog #style

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cuddleslutloki · 5 years

Text

2018 fics, a year in review

i’m a madman, but even my crazy ass probably won’t finish and post another fic in the last 6 hours of 2018, so here are all the fics i posted on ao3 this year, plus some thoughts on each!

Hemlock Honey and Silver

this was my last ever supernatural fandom fic. literally the end of an era for me since i was in the spn fandom for so damn long and wrote so much fic, about two-thirds of which has been orphaned on the archive at this point because i didn’t like the stories anymore lol.

i do like that one, though, and i’m actually alright with it being my last ever spn/destiel fic

Fire In Your Veins

this was my first time posting thorki fic! i was so, so nervous about it, but everyone in this fandom is so chill and lovely. i still like this one, and i don’t think i write enough 69ing lmao. also this fic was obvs the start of something bigger bc. i mean. i’ve written so much damn fic now lol since i only started posting in june. i was worried that i wasn’t going to be writing anymore, or that i’d never be posting on ao3 again because it had been literally 2 full years between hemlock honey and silver and the fic that preceded it. then i fell into thorki and i started writing fic and it’s just been such a huge, huge thing. bc i’m also writing original stuff again for the first time in forever.

Underdressed and All Out of Time

a direct sequel to fire in your veins, i really like it. i felt like i was able to characterize loki fairly well in this one bc i was very insecure about the way i wrote loki when i started out

A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them

who doesn’t love a fic title from a hozier song? i remember writing this fic and wondering if it was any good and if my characterization was okay and still being nervous and insecure in my writing, but it’s been very well received so i kinda got my inner critic to stfu which is nice lol. i also really enjoyed doing this vignette style story

To Always Face the Sun

what if :) loki was happy :) and thor had his brother back :) lol i really liked writing this and having loki being such a little shit tbh. can we tell that i like a happy ending in fic?

Blue On Gold

so i wrote an arranged marriage fic where they never actually get married and it’s still 15.8k lmfao. also the return of the vignette style, which was fun bc i got to do short, impactful scenes and build the narrative with them. i remember sitting at my desk at work, on my phone, writing this fic, then coming home and editing on a damn tablet bc my laptop bricked earlier this year

the warmth of your doorway

i meant to capitalize the title but at this point i’ve decided to leave it lol. i really loved writing this bc i felt very confident in the way i was building the scenes and the detail i was able to incorporate. i feel like this is where i really kinda go my voice back and i start to come into my own, if that makes sense? one of my fave fics i’ve ever written tbh. there’s a longer ‘verse for this, but after i finished this fic i got too distracted by new projects to try and continue it lol

Tell Me

this was my first trans!loki fic and he’s a trans man, and god i love it. i’ve got another ftm loki story as a WIP in my gdocs bc this story showed me how much i fucking love writing trans characters, and i really enjoyed the dynamic i put into this fic. there’s a sequel planned lol it’s gonna be dirty

Interwoven

i still haven’t managed to ever find the post that inspired this damn fic and if you wonder whether that drives me up the wall the answer is yes (: and fun fact! i intentionally never describe loki’s genitals in this fic, bc i was picturing him as a trans guy since i’d just written tell me and now i have a massive obsession with writing trans romance and erotica

Tie Breaker

in this house we love and appreciate bottom thor!!! also i loved writing the sparring at the beginning. it makes me wanna write more fics w/ brutal fight scenes lol. thor’s slutty drunk cape outfit is iconic and i’m gonna read that comic just for that outfit honestly

Pretense of Subjugation

i became drunkenly obsessed with loki manspreading on the throne of asgard and this was the result. this was the first thorki fic of mine that i’d had beta’d and it was vastly, vastly improved by it. the tips @ktspree13 gave me when she helped with this fic have affected literally every single fic i’ve written since

Double and More

so this is not the first thorki fic i ever posted, of course, however it is the first i ever started writing. i got to the point where loki’s in thor’s lap and then i kinda blanked out and let the fic sit for like... 2 or 3 months? then i opened it back up and i was like “oh i like this i should finish this” which is why i don’t delete anything anymore bc there’s always a chance i’ll come back to it

Ringback Tone

y’all owe @thotki for the wondrous idea they presented in discord that ended up creating this fic. i think i wrote this fic in like 3 days bc of how much fun i was having with it. the dirty talk was my favorite thing to write in this and i remember distinctly having this [:< moment when i was daydreaming about it

Seldom All They Seem

there was an impromptu bottom thor day back on 20 oct and this fic was my contribution. we can never have enough time travel, can we? i remember i think i took like a four day weekend from work and part of my motivation was literally wanting to finish this fic in time to post it lmfao

Fluffy Thorki Sunday Ficlets

i started doing fluffy thorki sunday back when i was on bourbonbucky and i continued it here, and i’m proud that i’ve written at least 1 piece for fluffy thorki sunday every sunday since i started. i love doing fluff and smut, and honestly even when my mood has been shit, i’ve always felt motivated to try and improve it at least enough to write some nice fluff. i put all of these on ao3 once i moved blogs

Let Love Disrupt

this is another fic we owe to discord lmao. i remember posting this when i was either very drunk or very tired and having to keep going onto ao3 on my damn phone browser to correct minor shit, and some not so minor shit like a typo in the title bc at first it said “distrupt” and that’s why i only post when i’m awake and sober now lmfao

Without Fear

i love werewolves (: a whole bunch (: and this fic is something dirty and wonderful that i’m proud of and THERE’S ART bc @nekokat42 is a blessing and takes commissions. kot i love u :3

On the Other Side Like Always

i have a lot of feelings about this fic. there’s an entire future in this ‘verse that i would so love to write, but i’m stuck on where to go with it. as it stands i am satisfied with this as a story of thor and loki coming together, and a story about how loki does something out of desperation but is finally given something genuine and comforting in his life like he’s always deserved. THERE’S ART from the wondrous @boltplumart / @mrhiddles bc allie is perfect :]

Runaway

when i tell y’all i’m a trash gremlin king. i do have a thing for writing underage characters with adults (probs due to messy personal history lmfao ain’t gonna look at that too closely) and so writing this one was a fun little bit of self indulgence. also it’s dirty and really plays into codependency, which i always like writing bc it’s a fun thing to explore in fiction

Sunset Rhapsody

this fic. was supposed to be. two thousand words. at most. then thor smiled at me, as the writer, and was like “i want to own him” and we ended up with 11k of thor’s obsessive bs and loki being brutal. joking aside, i love this fic, i love what i did with it, i have an original story i wanna write for my size kink anthology that will follow a similar thread to this one. also that torture scene. i don’t recall if i ever properly wrote torture before, but this did kinda make me squirm a bit when i was writing it and if you’ve read it you know precisely which scene i’m talking about lmfao

Right to Guard

this fic was honestly very emotionally satisfying for me in a pretty visceral way. writing thor just surrendering to love and spoiling the fuck out of loki was pretty damn cathartic.

A Bite of Lamb

me making sure i never lose my title as a trash gremlin king. honestly writing thor’s POV in this fic was like >.> at myself a couple times bc it felt distinctly dark in a way i’d never written another character. a very, very unhealthy kind of obsession and this twisted logic where he’s trying to make it all okay. i really fucking love this damn fic tho and i’m happy with how it came out.

Seamless

i was so, so frustrated and pissed off at work that i needed to let that shit out, so that was channeled into this very guilt-ridden turned tender fic, and i really enjoyed writing it. loved writing thor taking care of his baby sister. also! KOT IS FUCKING AMAZING and drew this bc they’re such a good fucking person ;A; like they sent me a message and just said “really liked this scene” and i was D Y I N G and i still am. thank you again, kot!

The Way A Rose Blooms

this was written for the thorki secret santa exchange! i drew @chickcheney and honestly the list of prompts was so, so good. bottom thor, arranged marriage, semi-public sex and trying not to be caught, body worship. i was like “damn did i draw myself wtf” bc that is all up my alley.

Sugar Cookie

i honestly could not think of a better fic to finish off 2018 for me than sugar cookie. porn and emotions that’s all this is, but it features loki as a trans woman being loved and appreciated as she is with nothing extra expected of her and it was so satisfying to write. it makes me want to write original romance with trans women, which i’ll definitely do bc i loved writing this hungry and tender story and i’m very happy with how i ended it.

so that was 2018 for me!

#baylen fic

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vinijrs · 5 years

Text

back to you — jesse lingard

warnings: mentions of sex

word count: 2340-ish words

featuring: jesse lingard + mariana (oc)

a/n: based off of ‘everytime’ by ariana grande. and i’ve literally only written about jesse so far lmao (so i need to start writing for others lol).

—

It had been months since the last interaction between them, way too long for Jesse’s liking. She had told him that it would be the last time (but she had also said that after every time they ‘met up’), so it came to a suprise to Jesse when Mariana didn’t visit him anymore– or wouldn’t answer his calls or even read his messages anymore.

There always seemed to be arguments almost everyday when they were dating, usually about how tired she was of Jesse’s no-shows and how controlling he felt she was at times– but after they broke up, he realized it was only because she just didn’t want to lose him, but by then it was too late.

She was also tired of how he seemed to not care about what she felt was important to her. Their relationship took a 360 degree turn, and it was just so different from how they were with one another at the beginning. It didn’t take much for them to realize that their relationship couldn’t continue for any longer, and they ended it. They were both upset by it but they knew it was for the best.

It didn’t take much for them to find their way back to one another, and as much as Mariana hated it, she would always go back to him. And same for Jesse, as much as he would try to move on from her, he could never get rid of the feelings he felt for her.

They always found a way back, and by that, they usually hooked up– usually when one of them was drunk. She always blamed it on the alcohol, but she knew her heart always wanted to go back to him at the end of the day.

Eventually, after months of them hooking up, it changed. They would usually meet up, and not for sex, but to spend time together watching movies or playing video games (with Rashy). Even Marcus found it strange how they spent so much time but they said it was only as friends. Marcus had asked Jesse (almost a hundred times) if he still felt something for her, and his answer was always a no and he would let out those high-pitched laughs that Marcus knew Jesse did when he was lying.

But like most relationships– or whatever Jesse and Mariana had– usually end. And it ‘ended’ for them about four more times. And it was Mariana who always ended it, because she always knew that in the end, she was only a distraction for him. And as much as she wanted to believe Jesse whenever he told her that he loved her, she just couldn’t.

Mariana was always tired of feeling like an idiot after he would use her, or the times she would see the dms from other girls he was probably texting. And she knew she didn’t have a right to be mad about anything, but she hated having her hopes diminish every time she saw him with another girl.

She wanted to be with him, of course, but everytime she thought they were closer to something, he would do something stupid to show her that he didn’t really care about her like he used to. She told herself she was better than this, and she decided to stay away, for good this time.

But when Mariana did, it was as if she had left a part of her with him. As if she wasn’t herself anymore without him, and she didn’t like how different she was when she wasn’t with him. She would usually get drunk, and pretend she was over it. Pretend she was completely over Jesse, but the truth was that she wasn’t.

And it didn’t make it better for her when Jesse would call her when he was drunk, and she would listen to him telling her how much he loved her, and how he missed (everything about) her, and how he wanted them to be together. She would usually answer the first few times, but after the calls became more constant she wouldn’t pick-up anymore– because it was just too damn hard for her to listen to him saying how much he loved her and beg her to get back with him when his (sober) actions always showed different.

Jesse would usually leave voicemails, some she would listen to and others would be immediately deleted.

Mariana knew what they had wasn’t doing any good for her, or him. She should’ve kept herself from ever coming back to him, even after they had broken up and had clearly seen that a relationship between them wasn’t the best idea. But Jesse always found a way, and even if it meant not actually being with her, he always found a way to have her back in his arms. Even if it meant that it would always hurt when she would leave or try to stay away, and tell him that everything between them was a mistake. And even if they were a mistake, it was Jesse’s best mistake, and it was one he would never regret.

In the past weeks, Mariana had spent more time with her friends and preparing for the next semester of college; which she was absolutely dreading. And she had promised herself to stop drinking, because it was just so unnecessary and the last thing she needed was a problem with alcohol.

The drunk calls from Jesse had also stopped a bit, it wasn’t as constant anymore, and she was glad because it meant he wasn’t drinking as much lately. She knew because Jesse usually only had courage to call her when he was drunk and he really wanted to see her.

But somehow her best friend had talked her into going to a club with her and some other mutual friends. Clubs always meant getting drunk for her, so she had immediately said no, but by the end of the conversation, she had found herself agreeing to it and heading to her room to get ready.

—

She hated it. Mariana had been at the club for only ten minutes and she wanted to go home. The only reason why she hated it so much was because she usually would come here to forget things and too feel less upset.

But coming here, with a purpose of not drinking and being sober all night made her remember all the times when her and Jesse were dating and they would come, get extremely drunk, end up sitting in a corner laughing about everything and having him place a kiss to her temple every five minutes as he whispered the three words that meant so much to her when they came from him.

And it made even more memories of them flood into her mind, ones that were before they broke up, ones that were so close to her heart. Mariana couldn’t help but feel so empty inside, so different without him.

“You alright?" Her best friend, Julie asked as she sat next to Mariana and ordered herself a drink. "Do you want one too?"

“No thank you. And I’m fine, I was just thinking, that’s all,” she answered.

Julie raised her eyebrows, “About Jesse, right?”

Mariana shook her head abruptly, and somewhat winced at hearing his name. “Of course not.”

“And you’re lying, Mariana.” She pointed out, “I thought you said you were over him, that you– like you said– ‘let go’ of him.”

Mariana shrugged, “That’s what I thought or what I wanted, but I don’t really let go when I say so.. I just can’t. He means a lot to me, even if I may not to him.”

“I’m sure you mean as much as he does to you, Mariana. He loves you, and if you’ve never realized it, he’s never stopped loving you. Jesse always finds a way back to you, and it’s because he loves you. You can see it in his eyes every time you’re around him, you just always find a way to push him away,” Julie explained. “Give him another chance, one where you won’t use each other but one where you’re together because you really love each other,” with that she stood up with a smile, and walked away into the crowd of dancing bodies.

Mariana pulled out her phone from her purse, and ended up glancing over his contact. It was just his name, because the little red heart had disappeared over time. She took a deep breath, and found the courage in her body to call him.

This time it was her calling him, and she wasn’t drunk neither was it accidental.

“Hello?” His groggy voice ringed through her ears, it was extremely loud because of the music playing but at that moment, all she could focus on was his voice, the only thing that mattered to her at that moment.

“Mariana? Where are you?” He questioned, becoming aware of the loud music playing becoming softer as she walked towards an area that wasn’t as loud as the place she previously was.

“Hi, and I’m at a club. I’m not drunk or anything, I just wanted to talk to you, Jess.” Her calling him by his nickname did things to him, she hadn’t called him that since they had broken up. Even if they had met up many times after their break up, it was always Jesse never Jess.

“Are you alright? Did something happen? Do you want me to come and get you?” He questioned, hearing the worry in his voice.

Mariana nodded as if he could see her, “I’m fine, don’t worry. And I’m sorry for calling, I didn’t realize it was so late, Jess.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t worry, I was just about to head to sleep,” he laughed, but she could hear the tiredness in his voice. Plus, it was way past midnight and he had practice the next day, of course he was asleep before she called. “But I can pick up, if you’d like.”

Mariana laughed, and it made his heart flutter hearing one of the things he had missed so much these past months, “If you– actually, I think the best thing for you is to get some sleep, you have practice tomorrow.”

Jesse didn’t know what made him feel happier, if it was the fact that she still cared for him or that she still remembered his schedule. He didn’t know. But it sure had him smiling like an idiot.

“No, don’t worry about it. Staying up for a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt, just send me your location and I’ll be there.” There was no chance Jesse would miss the opportunity to see her again, no matter how tired he was, the idea of seeing her in person after all this time made the tiredness from his body go away.

“Alright, and thank you, a lot, Jess.”

Jesse smiled at the thought of seeing her again, he really wanted to see her again. “No problem, Mariana.” And with that line went silent, and the smile on their faces didn’t disappear even after the call ended.

It had only taken Jesse fifteen minutes to arrive, usually it was a twenty-five minute drive but he had kind-of rushed over here because he just couldn’t contain himself and all he wanted was to hold her again.

I’m here, was what he texted her and Mariana quickly walked over to her best friend and a few of her friends said a quick goodbye and walked as fast as she could in her heels.

Her heart fluttered as she saw him leaning by his car, looking at his phone for a bit until he realized she was there. His smile grew in a matter of seconds, and the first thing he did was hug her. “I’ve missed you so much,” he muttered against her ear.

“I did too,” she whispered, as she closed her eyes and enjoyed being in his arms again.

Mariana had agreed to Jesse’s offer of going to his house and staying over, by the time they arrived it was two in the morning. She had quickly changed out of her clothes and into some of his, and crawled beside him on his bed.

His arms quickly made their way around her body and her face was snuggled into his chest, the way she always liked it whenever they cuddled.

“Mari?” He asked in a soft voice, not knowing if she was asleep or not.

“Hm..” she mumbled against his chest, tired but still listening to his words.

Jesse looked down at her face, her eyes shut but her lips were still in a small smile. “I love you.”

“And I love you more,” she mumbled. “Jess?”

“Yes?”

Mariana looked up to face him, to see the same smile on his face as it was on hers. “I go back to you, always, back to you every time.. because I just can’t give up on us. And I’m sorry, for all the times I left, for not trying more–”

Jesse placed a lazy kiss onto her lips to stop her from rambling like she always did when she apologized, “All that matters is that we’re together, and no matter what happens I will always find a way back to you, but this time we’ll be forever, and I promise you that.”

—

➺ request here

(i’m open to writing about almost anyone! so don’t be shy to request! x)

#jesse lingard #jesse lingard imagine #jesse lingard oneshot #manchester united #england nt #football imagine

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glcsowy-ed-blog · 5 years

Text

HI, THIS BITCH IS GOING ON HIATUS AND HERE’S WHY !

( the funny hat is not related to it whatsoever i just didn’t know what icon to post here so )

LET’S START WITH THE FACT THAT I SEEM TO NOT LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. this isn’t the first time this happens lmao. see, the thing with me is that you can easily assume that THE MORE ACTIVE I’M HERE, THE MORE I’M TRYING TO RUN FROM SOME REAL LIFE ISSUES. and, yeah, i guess - aren’t we all ?? but there is a difference in treating the rpc like a nice hobby to de-stress and in what i’m doing.

IT’S FUNNY, BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAD TO POST ON ONE OF MY OTHER RP BLOGS LIKE, A YEAR AGO. i legit thought i have things under control and that i’ll be able to keep everything in balance this time. when i started this blog, i was in a pretty good mental state, actually. WELL, MAYBE NOT, BUT - GETTING THERE, DEFINITELY. i was SO SURE things are going to be different this time around.

i made a mistake of completely hiding from the issues i was doing a pretty good job of fixing up until recently. it wasn’t a step back, but i definitely stopped moving. THIS IS STILL PROGRESS, IN A WAY ?? thinking back to what i was doing a year ago, to how i single handedly fucked up multiple online friendships, ( not to even mention rl ones, i’m not even gonna go there ) it’s still not so bad. and i need to step back for a not specified amount of time to prevent it from getting bad.

this is the part where i explain it further and if somebody is sensitive / triggered by mentions of alcohol, drugs and depression, this is your warning to proceed with caution.

hi my name is jay and i have a drinking problem ( hi jay ) and i also have a diagnosed bipolar disorder ( bye jay ) and i have a history of both of those in my close family. i’m nearly 5 months sober now and i’m not going to therapy anymore, neither am i taking meds, which was a personal choice. ( i still have my therapist’s number in case things get bad, though and since i’m rly set on getting healthy, i’m not gonna be a dumbass and actually reach out to her if that’s what it comes to. but i kinda want to try and get by without medication. again, a personal choice, i don’t have anything against meds ; the opposite, actually, bcs wasn’t it for the stabilizers i was taking last year, i don’t think i’d manage to get myself to the point where i can actually start working on this on my own. )

i was still drinking through the therapy and a couple of months after it ended. i took my meds with booze. i never rly mentioned it to my therapist, either, which now i realize was a big red flag, since i opened up about the worst shit.

i live in a country that enables drinking. it’s WEIRD not to drink here. it’s part of the culture. i have friends younger than me that already have serious medical issues linked to drinking. ( i’m only turning 24 this year and i’m p sure my liver is lowkey rotting. ) i attended a wedding recently and had my ““date””’s dad say that he wished that i gave them heads-up about the fact that i don’t drink. i had somebody else jokingly say that i will have to fight twice as hard for the family’s acceptance. this is a regular functional family. it’s just the fucking culture.

when you’re a daily drinker, even the people closest to you don’t really notice. it’s like the boiling frog fable. if the frog is put into boiling water, it will immediately jump out, but if the water is tepid and then brought to boil slowly, the frog stays. i was surrounded by frogs. the drinking got worse gradually, not all at once. i hid it without even realizing i’m doing it. YOU DON’T REALIZE YOU DO IT. it is an instinct. throwing the bottles out into the bins outside, not the ones at home. saying you’ve had 2, when you’ve had 5.

it’s not an edgy thing, even though if you talked to me a mere year ago, i'd meme the fuck out of it. ‘ whiskey is cheaper than therapy !! ’ and all that. it’s ugly, it’s sad, it’s toxic, it’s nothing you want to go through. you don’t want that killer headache, you don’t want to look at pictures from last night’s party and not recognize yourself, you don’t want to throw the trash out and have it make clinking glass noises, and look down as you are passing people with it. you don’t want your first bf to tell you he hates you when you’re drunk, you don’t want to live with all those times you hurt people that care for you. alcohol is not a truth serum, it’s an asshole serum. it’s fucking gross. you don’t want to not be able to talk with certain people without having a drink first, you don’t want to look at them and wonder if that’s going to be you in +10 years. ( is it a good time to gently nudge anyone who might be reading this and having similar issues ?? don’t drink to feel better, the older you’ll get, the less edgy and romanticized, and more pathetic and terrible you’ll feel. )

last december i managed to binge drink a whole month away. i’d go without food for weeks, drink at work, it was the worst mania case of my entire life. i let my guards down and had a person i trusted the most and loved with all my heart take advantage of me. it was new years eve. i was in denial up until half of january, still keeping in touch with them - and then one day i made a bet with a friend to quit drinking for a month. after the month passed, i just kept on going with it. it’s a wip. it’s good, but it’s still a wip. i’m not planning to get back to it, ever.

literally nobody: me: this fucking trainwreck of a post

if i was capable of talking about this in a chill personal way, this post wouldn’t exist, i’d just announce the hiatus due to personal reasons and be done with it. but i have people reaching out to me, friends reaching out to me and i’m in no state to explain shit personally. i’m the worst at this, i can’t do it, so i decided to just scream into the void and hope whoever needs to read this, will. lmao.

last year i just deleted tf out of all my blogs and burned all the bridges down, but since i’m doing way better now and i’m a bit more reasonable about the whole thing, i’ll ghost until i feel ACTUALLY GOOD ENOUGH to maybe treat this as a fucking hobby and keep things in balance.

i love you, guys. take care <3

#― ᶜᵃⁿ ⁱ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵃ ʷᵃᶠᶠˡᵉ ? . / jay speaks #alcohol tw #depression tw

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