#I’m just saying what I’ve seen on social media and in real life

[alyoshka-karamazov]

To be clear, this is not me trying to be a bitch nor am I pointing fingers, but I just think that the cognitive dissonance required to say “wow it’s so sad that young girls these days are asking for face creams and anti-aging materials for Christmas 💔 we’re failing our daughters” and then immediately go “actually wearing a full face of makeup is empowering and a feminist choice because I’m a woman making the choice ☺️” while refusing to admit—or care—that as a class our actions do affect other women/don’t exist in an echo chamber is alarming, to say the least.

[vasquez-rocks]

i know most ppl haven’t seen it yet but wanted to write something abt how annoyed some of the critical discourse abt I Saw the TV Glow is making me. MAJOR SPOILERS below the break, be warned!!

so idk i’ve seen so many reviews of the film positing that it’s about the dangers of obsessive fandom and overidentification with fictional characters, esp vis a vis real life self-actualization/coming out. (like, essentially every review has some of this in it, from what i’ve seen.) and, like: i don’t think that’s wrong, but i also think it’s massively underselling what schoenbrun is doing here. the metaphor of the show’s bleed-over is so smart because works in both directions at once.

like, in one direction: when maddy asks owen to come into the show by burying himself alive, you can read it as her asking him to abandon his real-life responsibilities, and the material facts of his real life body, in favor of a fantasy life where everything is already fixed. she’s inviting him to skip over the hard, messy work of transitioning and to sink even deeper into the analgesic obsessions he uses to numb his dysphoria. in this interpretation, it’s, like, the equivalent of overprioritizing “transition goals” instead of actually medically/legally/socially transitioning if that’s what you want, living forever in the ideal instead of taking difficult steps to change the material. (also, uh, if you don’t think she’s literally correct about the nature of reality, she is in fact asking him to kill himself. there’s that.)

BUT! it also works the other way. when maddy tells owen that the show is real, that their lives are just the buried dreams of dying girls in another life, she terrifies him by confronting him with something he’s always known about himself: he was supposed to be a girl. what she proposes is radical, dangerous, seemingly unhinged, and based on a childish fixation: all the things scared closeted trans people worry transition is, basically. on a more figurative level, too, the feeling she’s telling owen is real – that his real life is just a dream within a dream, that his home is not his home, that he belongs somewhere else, that he is supposed to be SOMEONE else – is something so, so, so many closeted trans people have felt before, myself so much included. when he sobs in the shower, yelling “this isn’t my home!” at his dad, i felt a sense of identification stronger than i’ve almost ever gotten from art before. when maddy finally calls him isabel, it’s the gentlest thing i can imagine.

in this read – which i do love, while thinking the other one is simultaneously true – it’s less “come sink deeper into delusion with me instead of dealing with your own life” and more “it’s going to be terrifying, but that childish dream of being a girl you once held wasn’t childish, and it can be real if you’re courageous enough.” he says he runs away from the football field because he thinks maddy’s not mentally well; it takes very little analysis of subtext to figure out he’s running away because he’s afraid of how much he wants what she’s offering. and, of course, the idea of the visible world being an illusion laid atop the world in which one is one’s truest self is a classic trope of trans cinema going all the way back to the matrix. (also: while i’m pretty death-of-the-author-pilled in most media analysis, it kinda seems like schoenbrun themself has interpreted the film in this way, as they’ve spoken at length in interviews about how, to them, transition felt like asking to be buried alive.)

all of which is to say: i think the film IS commenting on fandom, obsession, overidentification, and the ease with which queer people can sink into art as a way to dissociate from real life. but i think it makes the film so much more cynical and so much less tender to treat it as the ONLY read of the film’s relationship with the pink opaque. art, especially the sort of slow, metaphor-laden art schoenbrun makes, is best when it is complex and productively contradictory. the pink opaque is a problem, and an escape, and a fantasy, and it’s real, and one day isabel is going to wake up.

[spirit-lanterns]

THIRST COMMENTS

synopsis: (celebrity! AU) reacting to thirst comments with your celebrity girlfriend. (part 1/2) part 2 here.

featuring: kafka, himeko, serval, yukong, topaz

rating: 18+ suggestive (men and minors dni)

warnings: celebrity! fem reader, no smut but very suggestive, mentions of strap ons, mentions of tit-sucking, jealousy, possessiveness, secret relationships, teasing, sugar mommy relationship (topaz), se.xual innuendos, dirty talk, mentions of mommy, milf, legal age gap relationship (yukong), may be ooc.

art credits: act-age

KAFKA

“Anonymous said: I will let Kafka break my back like a glow stick.”

Kafka’s eyes widened slightly and she let out an amused chuckle, staring at the camera with a subtle, yet flirtatious grin. “My, my…I had no idea my fans were quite the masochists.” She hums into the mic, trailing a seductive finger across her lips and whispering in a lower tone. “Perhaps I should star in an 18+ BDSM movie at some point. What do you think, darling?”

Kafka gave you a teasing nudge and you laughed as you continued scrolling through Twitter for more thirst comments. The two of you have been invited to read thirst comments on the set of one of those giant social media platforms, but the crew had no idea that you and Kafka were actually dating behind closed doors. They had just invited you both since you were frequent co-stars for various films, yet they didn’t anticipate the amount of tension you two would have while being filmed without any scripts. 

“Only if I get to star as the main girl.” You reply teasingly, Kafka giving you a light flick on the forehead as you laughed and read the next comment. “Okay, okay, here. Here’s another thirst comment for you,” you say jovially, handing Kafka your phone. 

“Hmm, I’ve been getting too many of these recently.” She chuckles, taking your phone and reading the next thirst comment out loud.

“@/itsmeanobody said: I know she’s strapped and I’m not talking about the gun.” 

Kafka let out a breathy laugh and covered her mouth with her hands, clearly flattered by the subtle innuendo. “Oh, dear…”

“I can confirm, she is very strapped.” You smile at the camera, giving it a playful wink and watching as the director’s face slowly morphed into one of shock. Kafka squeezed your thigh under the table to hush you with your words, causing you to gasp under her grip. “Shhhh, careful dear. You don’t want to tease the fans too much…” She grins and reads the next comment, eyes widening slightly as she reads it out loud. 

“Speaking of the fans. This next comment sure is interesting. Anonymous said: "When Kafka came on screen, so did I.” 

Your secret girlfriend bites her lip at the comment and can’t help but let a few laughs escape her throat. “You naughty, naughty fans…” Kafka purrs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer against her. “I didn’t expect my fanbase to be so dirty.”

“Well, have you seen the ten thousand TikTok edits of you in Flash and Furious (Parody of Fast and Furious)? I’ve seen more content on you than anything else from the movie.”

“Awe, come on,” Kafka pouts, giving your cheek a little squeeze and giving a snide smile to the camera. “Can you blame me? I was cast in such a sexy role.”

“I think I was sexier.”

“Yeah, you were.” 

Kafka grins lazily and sits back upright, the tension so unbearably strong, all the people on set were blushing and sweating under the stage lights. You and Kafka didn’t mind, though. As celebrities, you knew the tension between you was more than enough to have fans buzzing, and despite actually dating in real life, you wanted to keep the buzz going. 

“Mm, one last thirst comment before we move on to your turn, dear.” Kafka says as her eyes trail down to your phone. “Anonymous said: I want Kafka to mess up my insides with that big strap she hides in the back.” 

After that very bold comment, Kafka sucked in a breath and watched as you frowned slightly in a bit of jealousy. Though you were aware that fans often thirsted for both you and Kafka, you couldn’t help but grow a bit jealous as fans wanted so desperately to sleep with your girlfriend. 

“Actually, that big strap is just for m—”

Kafka quickly covered your mouth. 

“Haha, we’ll be right back!”

After your accidental slip up, the camera was cut and Kafka turned to you with a knowing smile. “Darling, are you jealous?” She chuckles with a sly grin. “About four comments in and this one is the one that gets you all riled up?” 

“It’s true though, that strap is mine and mine only.” You whisper into her ear, giggling a little before playfully shoving her. “What, like you wouldn’t get jealous when it’s my turn.” 

“I happen to be very good at concealing my emotions though, dear.” Kafka replies in a sultry tone. “Besides, you’re the only girl who’s bed I would willingly climb in.” She grins and lowers her voice to a husky whisper. “And the only girl who’s insides I’d ruin with that ‘big strap’ of mine.”

Your cheeks heat up at her words and you feel a jolt of arousal pulse at your core. 

“Ugh…stop trying to turn me on, we're still in the middle of filming.” You mumble.

“Sorry, sorry.” Kafka replies before resting her chin on her hands. “Why don’t you begin reading your thirst comments, darling. I promise, I won’t even get jealous.” 

She laughs and gives you a flirtatious wink, causing you to roll your eyes and signal the director that you were ready to continue filming. “Sure, sure. I bet your face would turn all green from envy.”

“We’ll just see about that.” Kafka smirks. “Go on, let’s continue shall we?”

“Oh, sure.” You smile, playing along as you knew Kafka would eventually fall prey to her jealousy. “This thirst comment says…”

And you watch with joy as Kafka’s hand twitches slightly at the start, making you smile with amusement as your girlfriend was not as good at concealing her emotions as she said.

HIMEKO

“Anonymous said: If Himeko’s breasts are feeling a bit heavy and in pain, I’d gladly suck the pain away.”

After reading the first thirst comment, Himeko’s face flushed bright red with embarrassment. Her hand instinctively shot out for yours under the table, as she tried her best to remain calm in front of all the cameras. “O-Oh…Oh my…” she laughs a bit nervously, unsure of what to do with the raw desire of some of her fans. “That is uh, well…thank you for the offer, anonymous commenter. Your generosity is quite admirable.”

You chuckled softly at Himeko’s attempts to remain calm and polite, before cupping her hand under the table and giving it a comforting squeeze. “To be fair, Himeko does have a nice chest.”

“Hey—”

Himeko narrowed her eyes at you before instantly smiling and jabbing at your sides. To the public, you were just a pair of co-stars who had “intimate” moments with each other that seemed to spice up your careers. But behind closed doors, you and Himeko were closer than ever, as you had secretly gotten together after the filming of your latest movie. 

“But it’s true, Himeko has a very nice figure. It’s nice to admire it once in a while.” 

“Darling, that's called being a pervert.”

“No, it’s called appreciating your beauty.”

You smiled and winked at her, causing Himeko’s face to flush as red as her hair. Your tension was a lot more…romantic than some of the other celebrities in the industry, and whenever you and Himeko got together, you always made her laugh. 

“This next comment is from another anonymous user. Anonymous said: "Everyone repeat after me, Mommy Himeko.” 

Himeko raised a brow at this, confused by this certain comment. “…Darling, what do they mean by… ‘Mommy Himeko?’ I don’t have children yet.”

You burst out laughing at her reaction, Himeko’s obliviousness to the comment clearly showing her age. “Himeko, they’re calling you mommy because you’re very…mother material. In a hot way.” You clarified, Himeko only growing more confused at this. “In a hot way? Isn’t that ince—”

“No no no—!”

You took a brief intermission pause and cut the cameras. After a good two minutes of explaining to Himeko what being called “mommy” meant, the cameras were turned back on, as you and Himeko sat back in your seats.

“And we’re back!” You exclaim jovially, your girlfriend Himeko just hiding her face on the table as steam poured out of her ears. Too embarrassed after realizing what being “mommy material” was. “Sorry about the cut, I had to teach old grandma Himeko what being a Mommy meant.” 

“I’m not…old.” Himeko grumbles against the table. “Let’s just read the next thirst comment already.”

You chuckle and slide Himeko your phone for her to read, the redhead hesitantly picking up the device and reading the first comment that caught her eye. “@/sinsmockingbird said: Ahhhh the need to suck on Himeko’s titties is so strongggg”

“…Again with the tit-sucking.” You chuckle behind your hand, Himeko’s face burning even brighter than before as she groaned. “I— how do people say these things on the internet…” Himeko stutters, her eyes unable to look at the cameras and choosing to stare at the floor. “I am just…shocked at how bold people can be.”

“Yeah, the internet can be pretty bold at times.” You laugh softly, running a comforting hand through your girlfriend’s soft locks. “Do you wanna do one more thirst comment before it’s my turn?” 

“Ah…I suppose.” Himeko says with an awkward expression, mustering up the courage to read another comment. “It can’t be that bad after this, right?”

No. She severely underestimated how down bad her fanbase actually was. 

“Anonymous said: I would totally have a threesome with (Reader) and Himeko. They can punish me whenever.” 

After reading that final comment out loud, Himeko couldn’t help but let her face slowly fall as she reread the comment multiple times. 

“…Wow. I didn’t expect that comment to be in there.” You laughed softly, a little surprised yourself as you had no idea Himeko’s fans would also be lusting after you. “That must mean we’re a pretty hot couple, eh Himeko?”

You nudged her playfully, expecting her to nudge you back like you always did for your playful banters, but Himeko said nothing. Just staring at the thirst comment in silence as her eyes kept trailing over the words like it was a paragraph. 

“…Himeko?” 

“Hm? Oh. Sorry.” She smiles softly and looks up at the camera, flashing her signature smile like nothing was wrong. “Thank you for the flattering comment, anon.” 

You felt shivers go down your spine as an aura of uneasiness swept across your body. Normally Himeko would be embarrassed or not understand what the comment was implying, yet this time she was being eerily calm and it was starting to spook you a bit.

“H-Himeko? Ah—!”

You quickly closed your mouth as Himeko trailed a hand down to your hips and gave it a possessive squeeze. Her face was still neutral to appease to the cameras as she slowly turned to you with a smile. “…I believe it’s your turn now, dear.” She says in a calm tone, her hand still holding you roughly which was very unlike Himeko’s usual personality. 

“Wh— I…okay…” was Himeko jealous? One look at her eyes and you instantly could tell, she was going to wreck you later on the car ride home.

“Well, go on. Let’s read the first thirst comment together, shall we?” Himeko hums, sliding the phone over to you and ensnaring your fate.

“…Yes ma’am.” You say in a softer tone, shakily picking up the phone to read your thirst comments, and praying for your legs later tonight.

SERVAL

“@/lindseynguyen said: I want Serval to play me like how she plays her guitar. Rough and hard.”

Serval wheezes after reading that and hides her face into the table, laughing like a lawnmower gone bad as she struggles to keep herself from dying. “I ca— what the heck…” she’s close to tears and you have to hit her on the back to stop herself from choking. “Serval…get it together girl.”

“I can’t—” she’s laughing so much and has a bashful blush spreading across her face. The cameras capturing the radiant smile of famous singer; Serval Landau, who could capture the hearts of millions just by existing. “Just— holy sh*t. My fans are so bold.”

She flashes a wink at the camera and grins. “Don’t worry Lindsey, I’ll play my guitar extra hard for you in my next concert. Have a fun time.” 

She bursts out into giggles again and pulls you closer to stabilize herself. The two of you are just a bubbling mess as you couldn’t stop yourselves from giggling like a bunch of school girls.

“Okay okay, next comment…” you ushered playfully, smacking Serval on the arm and showing her the next thirst comment. Your girlfriend takes the phone and lets her eyes scan over the comment, bracing herself for what’s to come. 

“Anonymous said: Me if I was the guitar 🤰”

Serval’s eyes widened and she couldn’t help but choke a bit. 

“…If that’s the case. I got a lot of guitars pregnant in my time.” 

She smiles at you flirtatiously and you can’t help but give Serval the death glare. She grins like the mischievous woman that she was and gives your thigh a teasing squeeze from underneath the table. “You’re a weirdo.” You say through giggles, knowing exactly what Serval was talking about as she stares at you.

“Oh, I know.” She giggles back. “But you’d let this weirdo get you preg—”

You playfully kick her shin under the table and Serval winces mid sentence. “AH—!”

The cameras cut for a brief intermission and a few minutes later you were back to filming. With Serval rubbing her shin and making a pathetic “sad” face from your “abuse.”

“You’re so mean…” Serval pouts, resting her face on your shoulder. “Can you kiss it all better?”

“You’re a grown adult, Serval.” You laugh, giving her a gentle pat on the head. “I’m not your babysitter.”

“Yeah, but you could be my mo—”

“Next thirst comment!”

You smiled at the cameras and pulled Serval closer so she could react to the next Twitter comment. Her face immediately lying against yours as she got comfortable beside you. 

“Anonymous said: Not a waiter, but I would take her tip.”

Both you and Serval absolutely lose it at this one, the singer sucking in air through her teeth and trembling as she tries so hard not to scream. “Oh god…” Serval is smiling so hard her lips hurt. “Well uh, that’s…quite the compliment.” 

“Just an FYI for all you Serval fans,” you chuckle, leaning in closer to whisper at the camera. “Serval doesn’t have the tip—”

“HEY—!” 

You laugh as your girlfriend gets offended by that and moves to pull you back from the camera. “Hush now, there are people watching!” You roll your eyes and hold the next thirst comment in front of her for her to read. “What, the video is explicit enough anyways. Just read the next comment so it can be my turn!” You were excited to see what the comments would be about you, so you ushered Serval to hurry up and read the last comment. 

“Okay okay!” The singer exclaims, taking the phone and reading the next thirst comment, which ended up being the most downbad and horny comment Serval had ever seen.

“@/itsmeanobody said: Her strap is purple and sparkly. Was on it last night 🤭”

Serval’s face grew flushed and you couldn’t help but raise a brow at the mention of her strap. Though you weren’t jealous by any means, the words spilled out of your mouth faster than you could control. 

“Well actually, Serval’s favorite strap is hot pink with ridges instead of spark—”

Your girlfriend stared at you with wide eyes and you suddenly realized what you were saying. Both you, your girlfriend, and all the producers in the studio were all blushing red and laughing nervously before cutting the cameras. “Oh sh*t.” You laughed, Serval blushing red before smiling bashfully and giving your head a small smack. “You dumbass…” she laughs, pulling you closer for a brief hug.

“You’re gonna regret saying that later…”

Your eyes widened at her darkened tone yet Serval resumed her playful and relaxed nature, glancing at the director and making small talk with them as if it were nothing. “Could we cut that part out? We could just resume where we left off and continue onto her turn, yeah?”

The director nodded and gave a thumbs up, the cameras clicking back on as Serval ran her fingers down your back. “Let’s hurry up and get this video done with, hm? Go on, read your thirst comments.” She speaks in a gravelly tone, causing you to swallow nervously as you pick up the phone to begin reading your own comments. 

You knew what was waiting for you the moment you got home.

YUKONG

“Anonymous said: At this rate, No Nut November is gonna turn into Nonstop Nut November.”

Yukong raised a brow at this comment and glanced over at you with a confused expression. “Uhm…what is ‘No Nut November?’” Yukong asked with genuine confusion. She was one of the older actresses within the acting industry, so it was common sense that Yukong wouldn’t know a thing about modern terms and slang. 

“Uh…it’s like…” you chewed your bottom lip and tried to think of a way to explain it to your older girlfriend. “Uh, perhaps we should move on?”

“No, no no no.” Yukong frowned and stared at you with that intimidating, motherly look that made you feel like a child being scolded by your mother. “What is No Nut November. I want to know.” 

You winced and made a hand gesture for the cameras to stop filming. 

“Cut!”

There was a brief intermission pause and after a few moments, the cameras resumed to Yukong sitting in her seat with a shocked expression on her face. Her eyes wide with newfound understanding for the younger generation, as she looked like she had just discovered the meaning of the universe.

“…Yukong?”

“Why do younger people call masturbation ‘nutting.’” She sighs, rubbing her temple in dismay. “That— it doesn’t have anything to do with nuts?!”

“Let’s…Let’s just move on to the next comment.” You laugh nervously, rubbing a comforting hand against your lover’s back. 

“@/chucapybara said: When Yukong is done with me, I’m not the only one with granny knees by morning ✌️”

Your girlfriend looks almost offended by that and seems to gloss over the sexual innuendo written in that sentence. “Granny knees?! I am not that old…!”

“Well…” you stifle a chuckle and look away, Yukong glaring at you briefly before glancing at the cameras. “Oh please, not you too…”

“Awe, but there’s nothing wrong with being older, Yukong…” you giggle softly, teasing your partner by running a hand over her thigh. “You know I love the age difference…”

Yukong tenses up at your purr and she can’t help but grow excited with the way you were stroking her thigh. Sure Yukong was one of the older people within the acting industry, but hooking up with you was one of the best decisions she has ever made in her life, even if you were several years younger than her. 

“I…suppose you are right.” Yukong sighs, a small smile breaching her lips. “Let’s move on then, shall we?” 

She makes a move to read over the next comment, but it only leaves her more confused than ever. 

“Anonymous said: MILF MILF MILF YUKONG IS SUCH A MILF THAT CAN TAKE CARE OF ME AND RUIN ME, MOMMY I'M ON MY KNEES PRAYING THAT THE LORD FORGIVE MY SINS.”

Immediately after reading that, Yukong turns to you with the utmost expression of concern. The poor woman was still trying to comprehend what she had just read and seemed genuinely worried for the well-being of her fans. “Dear, what is a milf?”

A look of discomfort spread across your face as you sucked in a bunch of cold air between your teeth. You weren’t sure if you should tell Yukong what a milf was, and was starting to regret accepting the invite to be on this show. 

“Uhhh…they’re saying that you’re very attractive.” You say with a bit of hesitance, barely lying through your teeth in order to not tell her the true definition.

“Ah, really?” Yukong smiled at the flattering compliment. “I see then…”

She leans forward and grins innocently. “You’re a milf then, dear. A very nice milf.”

You choked on your spit and the cameras cut for a moment. Once you regained your senses, the recordings were flipped back on and you continued on with the video. “Okay…one last comment and let’s switch over to my turn, sounds good?”

Yukong nodded in agreement.

“Okay, here’s another comment for you, Yukong.”

“@/the-voxington-tavern said: I want Yukong to breed me. I want her to be feral and just break me. I want her to just rut her strap into me. I want her to be feral.”

Now this…this comment was one that Yukong fully understood. Her cheeks going hot at the way this commenter was so straightforward, and unable to speak for the first few moments. “Ah…my younger fans surely are enthusiastic…” Yukong chuckles, fanning her pink cheeks with her hand. “And very…descriptive with the way they describe their wants.”

You could tell Yukong was struggling to keep her composure, yet you were in the same boat as you couldn’t help but feel jealous that someone wanted your Yukong as desperately as you did. You knew Yukong was yours and yours alone, but you couldn’t stop yourself as you leaned in closer to whisper something into Yukong’s ear that had her perking up with delight.

“Yeah, but I’m the only one you rut your strap into every night, right?” you murmur quietly, a smile curling up on your lips. 

The older woman shivers at your words and you see a glint of ferocity appear in her eyes. Though you were just trying to tease her, it appears the teasing worked a bit too well, as your girlfriend was beginning to grow excited the more the video went on. She couldn’t wait for the filming to be over, and it was evident in the way she stared at you hungrily, waiting for you to finish your round of thirst comments so she could devour you when the cameras were cut. 

Perhaps after reading your round of thirst comments, her feelings would escalate. After all, not only was she impatient, but maybe she’d even grow a bit jealous…?

TOPAZ

“@/servalisms said: when I die, bury me in Topaz’s thighs.”

Topaz smirked at this and stood up from her seat, lifting her leg onto the table and giving it a confident smack. “I got your coffin right here, baby.”

Everyone on set, including you burst out into laughter, causing Topaz to chuckle before sitting back down. “I’m glad we can appreciate my thighs, though. I’ve been going to the gym to workout on my legs ever since I got that role for Triassic Park (Parody of Jurassic Park)”

“Mm, yeah. That movie was a pain to film,” you sighed, leaning your head on Topaz’s shoulder as she wrapped an arm around you to pull you closer. “Fun fact about the production of the film: Topaz was not expecting to do so many athletic stunts, so she had to work extra hard on an athletic build while filming on set. The first time we met, she was doing squats next to a raptor costume.”

“Heyyyy, at least it all paid off in the end. Now look, everyone is admiring my beautiful physique.” Topaz hums, giving you an arrogant smile. “Look, there’s even more comments about my thighs…”

“Anonymous said: Is it too hard to understand that I just want my head crushed between her thighs? 😔”

Topaz just smirks smugly at this and gives the camera a naughty look like she expected this to happen. “Oh? My fans want me to crush them between my thighs? Won’t that hurt?”

“If it hurts, it would be a good kind of hurt.” You say with a smile. “I’m sure everyone’s preferred death would be getting suffocated by you, Topaz.”

“Oh, everyone is just a masochist nowadays aren’t they?” She chuckles, “If that’s the case, I’d gladly crush any fan’s head. So long as they pay a proper price…”

There’s a mischievous glint in Topaz’s eyes that tells you she’s not even joking. The determination in her eyes making it obvious that she’d do anything for an extra income of cash. 

“Hm, so you’d make me pay if I wanted to get my head crushed by you?” You ask in a joking tone, gauging her reaction from your words.

“Pfft. Of course not.” Topaz smirks, lowering her voice to a whisper. “You’re the only one who gets my services free, babe.”

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife, Topaz chuckling at the way you tensed up at her words and flush at the way she started squeezing your hand. “Anywhoooo I believe we should move on to the next comment, hm?” She grins before scrolling up to the next comment. 

“Anonymous said: TOPAZ 😩 I WANT TO BE HER CHAIR!” 

“Woahhh there.” Topaz chuckles, ears going a bit pink due to embarrassment. “Is that an offer for me to sit on your face…?” She grins at the camera, pulling you a bit tighter against her figure. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but unless you’re paying me some good money, there’s only one chair I’m sitting on tonight.”

She ruffles your hair at the implications and laughs at the way the producers all flush with embarrassment. Topaz surely was one of the bolder celebrities out there, and she didn’t hesitate to break the filters if she wanted to even if it might cause public outrage. 

“Topaz…” you mumble under your breath, getting a little nervous with how blunt Topaz was being.

“What, it’s true.” She chuckles. “But, it’s interesting to know I have so many people willing to become my chair. Perhaps I should ask if any of our other co-stars are interested in it too.” 

“I know I am.” You mumble under your breath, Topaz catching the words before smiling a little at the thought. “Oh, I know…”

She lets out a small, amused laugh before opening up the last comment to read. “@/qqinggue said: TOPAZ BE MY SUGAR MOMMY????”

“Hey that’s my sugar mom— MMPF!” Topaz quickly covered your mouth and began laughing at the comment, trying to keep your relationship a secret despite how bold you two could get on camera. “Ahhh, a Qingque fan, eh?” Topaz chuckles, still keeping your mouth muffled as she threw a sleazy grin at the cameras. “You sure you don’t want Qingque to be your sugar mommy instead?” 

Topaz continues laughing to cover up your muffled talking before moving in to whisper in your ear. “Don’t throw a fuss. You know damn well we have to keep that part of our relationship a secret.” She chuckles, rubbing a comforting finger across your temple before turning back to the camera.

“Well, that’s all the thirst comments for me! We should move on to (Reader) now, hm?” She smirks and side glances at you like nothing was wrong. “Be a good girl now. Hurry up and finish filming so we can go home.”

Your eyes widened before nodding enthusiastically, eager to comply with Topaz’s requests to begin your round of thirst comments. 

Who knows, maybe Topaz will get a little jealous her sugar baby is receiving all this attention…?

[kaciebello]

Hello Bella! How are you? ^.^

I’ve read the prompt requested: “I’m just wondering why we can talk for hours online when you ignore me in real life”

And it was simply the best.

Would you consider /writing/ them talking irl at last?

If not no problem, thank you for reading this message <3

" I’m just wondering why we can talk for hours online when you ignore me in real life "

Slytherin boys genre: humour warning: I don't think so note: sorry for any typos, hope you enjoy it! Masterlist Social media masterlist ☀ Prompt list ☾

Matteo Riddle

Matteo was about to turn the corner when he noticed a familiar face. He stopped in his tracks and weighed his options. And like on a daily basis, he decided to be a menace. Taking a few steps before sitting down. The person next to him was reading a book, paying absolutely no mind to whoever just sat next to them. Hadn't he known her, he would have thought she was ignoring him. 

“Have you ever thought about how weird it is?” His voice made him jump a bit and look at him. Confusion is visibly clear on her face.

“What is?” She asks, his voice small, as if she wanted no one to hear them. Matteo could care less about that.

“How can we talk for hours online? Yet, when you see me face to face, you usually run away.” He says, looking into her eyes now. She's just able to nod and turn her gaze from his. Before he was able to complain again she turned back to him.

“You make me feel like I wanna punch you with a chair.” She says. Matteo just laughs, but when he notices she isn't laughing with him, his face visibly drops. Nodding in acknowledgement he gave it a thought.

“So like a cute aggression?”

“What? NO!”

•·················•·················•

Theodore Nott

He has been holding her hand for like an hour now and she has yet to mumble a single word. He'd been talking her ear off and his hand was starting to get sweaty, but he knew if he let go she would just be bold and it would take him half a day to catch her.

“You know, I talk to you every day.” He says not even looking at her. She has been stuck watching their hands and this has been the first time since she looked at him.

“We talk online every day, but when I try it in person…” He knows he does not have to finish. She is very well aware of her escapee tendencies.

“I’m sorry, you just make me nervous so much that my flight or fight kicks in. And it's usually flight.” She says his fingers not playing with his, her gaze stuck on their hands again. Theo nods again.

“You know I have something that might help.” He says and turns to dig out something out of his bad. Turning around he sees an empty spot next to him and a girl in the distance absolutely bolting it. He just sighs, he hasn't realised he let go of her hand.

•·················•·················•

Draco Malfoy

Draco was quick on his feet. He had seen her turn the corner and he was not going to let that slide. He just sa Potter absolutely eat shit while walking down the stairs and he needed to share it now. Yeah, he could text her, but she's not that fast, he can catch up with her. Turning the corner himself he crashes into somebody. There she stood rubbing her forehead.

“Jesus, can you stop following me? You’ve been on my tail for 3 minutes now.”

“Stop running away then, the fuck.” Draco argues back. She just shakes her head and starts walking again.  Draco doesn't wait and follows.

“You're just weird. Always rushing. Able to talk to me for hours online, but not even a peep in real life. I can't even tell you what is saw without losing my breath.” The girl stops and Draco crashes into her back again. She huffs and turns around.

“What do you have.”

“Okay, so Potter…”

•·················•·················•

Blaise Zabini

Blaise knows what he looks like. His friends know what he looks like. Hell, even people that don’t know him know what he looks like. He made sure of it. So he was sitting down holding the girl's face. Making sure her eyes were on him as if he was trying to burn his face into her mind.

“I'm surprised you can recognize me,” Blaise said, letting go of her when she sweated his arms away. 

“I know plenty of what you look like. You send me enough pictures.” She huffs back at him.

“Yes, yes, that I do. Because somehow we always talk online, and never in real life.” He argues back. The girl just nods. Silence falls on them. He knew she was eating him but he didn't say anything.

“Ya know, I may see your face all the time but I can't hear your voice in pictures.” With that Blaise takes the deepest breath and lets out the longest rant of his life.

•·················•·················•

Lorenzo Berkshire

Lorenzo has told all his friends to meet him for lunch. By all friends, he meant all. So that's why he told the girl to show up 5 minutes early. That way, he could trap her and hot let her go. Now this may seem cruel, but if he didn't do this, he knew the girl would turn around the moment she could see his friends.

So now, he was sitting down, The boys were talking amongst themself. No one was really paying attention to them. His arm was on her thigh, keeping her from jumping up and running away. He leans closer to whisper in her ear.

“You know, you talk a lot online, but in real life, you are rather quiet,” he says and pulls away. She just shakes her head before leaning and whispering back.

“I am just quiet with a lot of people around.” Lorenzo raises his eyebrow and nods again. Slowly he grabs her hand and seemingly sneaks out of the room. He was not gonna miss the opportunity to talk to his favourite person.

Tag list: @klimovatereza-blog , @lafrone ,@enfppuff , @rafegfs , @frogtape , @lovelyygirl8 , @catiwinky, @leeleecats , @ghostgardn , @reverse-soe , @ultramarinetovelvet @jazz-berry , @justatadbonkers , @partnerincrime0 , @schaebickel , @deluluassapocalypse , @adreamingpendulum, @imobsessedwitholiviarodrigo , @happydragonfrog , @harvey-malfoy , @helendeath , @caffeine-addict-slug , @mrvlfanman , @pink-heartz , @feistyfox47 , @nickspotatoesalad

[zebulontheplanet]

Saw a post and it really got me thinking.

The post was talking about why don’t lower support needs, higher masking individuals even believe that higher support needs, low masking, “severely autistic” people, exist. And that got me really thinking. Because, I do think they know we exist. I just don’t think they want too.

I don’t think they want to know we exist. They know we exist, but keep us on the back burner. They live in ignorance bliss of us. I have what some people would think of as severe autism. Im nonverbal (although nonverbal later in life. But outside people don’t care about that. They see nonverbal as nonverbal), I’m intellectually disabled, need help in everyday life, etc. but I’m in the middle. I’m moderate support needs. To me, I’m not severely autistic. But to society, I am considered and seen as severely autistic because society doesn’t have the understanding of moderate autism yet. They don’t understand it. And I’ve seen more times than I can count that severe autism doesn’t exist. Not because they don’t believe in severe autism the label itself because it’s “harmful” but because they don’t believe that it’s just caused by autism. They often believe that’s it’s caused by comorbidities. Like ID, or cerebral palsy, or apraxia/dyspraxia, or mobility issues, or genetic conditions, and so on. Although none of this is bad.

They believe that autism itself can’t create severe autism. Which…isn’t true. Before, it was believed that severe autism was the only type of autism. That it was the only type that existed and if you weren’t severely autistic then you weren’t autistic. Then more research happened, then social media happened, and now..white, lower support needs, high masking, late diagnosed individuals are the majority of what’s being centered. And, that isn’t bad. We need awareness of all autism. But when one type of autism gets centered, it becomes a problem. It becomes the new norm. It becomes what everyone expects out of autism now. Which, isn’t true. Autism all of all types and traits exists. Autism of all support needs exists.

When people say severe autism doesn’t exist, they’re ignoring and saying that a BIG percentage of autistic people don’t exist. They’re saying that we aren’t real. That we aren’t on the internet, or in the communities they live in, or in their schools, or whatever. We’re everywhere. Severe autism is still a thing. It isn’t a misdiagnosis. It isn’t from comorbities, although if someone’s autism is more severe from comorbidities then that isn’t bad.

I think a lot of people need to be more aware of severe autism. And not just severe autism like me or my mutuals, or the people you see here on tumblr. But the ones with even MORE severe autism. The ones who live in group homes, residentials, institutions, and so on. The ones who aren’t on the internet. The ones who aren’t here blogging about their lives. We need to be aware of them too. We need to believe they exist, and believe that their autism is real.

Don’t erase severe or profound autism.

[cieloclercs]

hiii I would like an au wherein Ollie bearman is sunshine bf and y/n is grumpy gf like that would be a cutee trope

better half of me | ollie bearman

genre: social media au pairing: ollie bearman x fem!reader face claim: diana avel

author’s note: rolling two requests into one here! hope you enjoy <3

liked by francisca.cgomes and 21,837 others

tagged: olliebearman

yourusername taken by my professional photographer/boyfriend 🖤 love u baby

view all comments…

olliebearman love you more 💕

*yourusername liked this comment

olliebearman you’re so pretty my love

yourusername ☺️☺️

username i don’t think i’ve ever seen this girl smile 😐

username fr she always looks so miserable 😭

username black cat girlfriend golden retriever boyfriend frrr

username tbh if i was dating y/n y/l/n i’d be obsessed with her too

username i want to be her 😩😩

username omg where did you get that skirt? it’s so cute!!

yourusername thrifted!

arthur_leclerc he’s been grinning at these for 20 minutes

olliebearman NO i haven’t shut up

yourusername ur so adorable

username girl u know there are other colours than black right 😭

username dream body 😍

jakcrawford_ you mean to tell me ollie actually took these? 🤨

yourusername he did! he’s got a surprisingly good eye :)

olliebearman told you i’m a pro 💪

liked by arthur_leclerc and 31,837 others

tagged: olliebearman

yourusername life lately… 📸

view all comments…

olliebearman did u like your flowers?

yourusername i loved them baby 🥰

olliebearman my girl 😍

olliebearman what did i do to deserve you?

yourusername i’m the one that doesn’t deserve you pretty boy 💗

arthur_leclerc we get it guys you’re in love 🙄

yourusername @/carla.brocker come get ur bf please x

carla.brocker the cutest couple 🥹

arthur_leclerc excuse me?

username the only time she ever smiles is when she’s with ollie…

username STOP that’s adorable 😭

username highway’s looking real comfy rn 🥲

username y/n i swear i can treat you better than this vroom vroom boy just give me a chance 😫😫

yourusername sorry ml, ollie says no 😔

*olliebearman liked this comment

username y/n’s such a bad bitch how did ollie manage to pull her? 🤨🤨

olliebearman it was my irresistible charm ☺️

yourusername *nonexistent

yourusername truth is i felt sorry for him 😔

olliebearman babe???

username CRYING she’s so unserious 😭

username erm hello??!! why is no one talking about the note with the flowers!!!

username EXACTLY it’s so sweet 🥹 if anyone ever did that for me i’d melt

yourusername ollie gets me flowers with a note every week 🥰

username awww that’s adorable but THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL EVEN MORE SINGLE 😃😃😃

username the way they look at each other is just nghhshs 🦋🦋🦋🦋

username the definition of grumpy girlfriend sunshine boyfriend

requests are open! send something in if you’d like <3

[fanofseabassanddorito]

Dear Chris Evans,

I’ve waited and watched. I’ve gone back and forth with Real vs PR. I’m just a fan, of your work, but I also because of what you seemed to stand for and acted like a real person. I think I’m done now.

There has been questionable ‘sightings’ even though you claim to want to be private. Your friends and hers have posted the two of you. You have posted her twice yourself. But then you seem to hide her. That isn’t a good look. If you are in love with someone, you don’t hide them because you want to be private yet leak photos and hints to keep your fans spiraling when you know how some can be.

We all know celebrities use social media for what they WANT fans to see. Why? Because they want privacy, as they should, to separate their work world from real life. I completely agree with doing so, BUT I don’t agree with going back and forth. You owe fans nothing except maybe the respect that goes both ways. After all, your fans have been the reason you have your paychecks. I think we deserve a little bit of respect not to be played by what you say in interviews vs. what you show yourself to be through your actions.

There are so many examples of couples being private but NOT hiding significant others like they are embarrassed to be seen. A real private couple does things together but do not post montages on their socials, like scare videos and couples pictures. People do not call paparazzi unless they want to be seen. A real private couple does still go to things together, they don’t hide but they don’t bring attention to themselves. Real private couples do not let things drop during a special date for something else. One example, the NYC pap walk on the day that Warrior Nun season 2 dropped right after SMA.

Tabloids run on things they are given. There have been more articles about you and this girl than Harry and Meghan, Jennifer and Ben, etc., etc., etc. your reps have never confirmed anything. IMDb does not list her as your wife. Your mother liked a tweet about the girl being racist.

I had no issues at first, thinking you wanted privacy, which I thought was a great idea, given your fandom. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for a good while. But then it seemed like her friends and yours, her mom, along with the likes on IG, proved this isn’t private. Certain social media sites have been the only ones to randomly get these pictures that are nowhere to be found. It’s only a few, and they usually come at specific times when there is doubt. Friends posted from Lisbon, Avengers in MA, and the wedding rumors began. I’m sorry, but when there is an NDA, then the wedding news should not have leaked because the NDA would cover that. And if you have to ask people to turn in their phones to attend, that’s rude and you’ve invited people you don’t trust.

Showing up to a convention, with a ring on but you can’t say her name. Just ‘Go Portugal!’ And then go on about Dodger.

Let’s not even get into photoshopped or not photoshopped because I don’t even know anymore.

I could go on and on but it saddens me. I cannot be a fan of someone just because of their projects, and that’s just me. I have kept quiet, because it’s none of my business what you do with your life. What is my business though, is who I give my hard earned money to. Barely getting by on what I make, medications and food for my kids continue to rise in cost, but they also enjoy Captain America because he seemed like a good guy in real life too. Now they come to me with things they’ve seen online like Captain America’s new wife nude in the shower. They have seen people posting about her friends and their previous tweets, and things they’ve said. Why? Because you have played games with your fandom and they got pissed and exposed things. Let’s be honest, kids get online and see things even if they aren’t supposed to. Luckily they didn’t see your ‘slip’ up, because your fans cleaned that for you quickly, but the shower pictures continue to be passed around. They also said in some of the pictures they saw you post that they thought you had a daughter but found out it was your girlfriend.

I would make sure you don’t have any more slip ups because I feel like your fans are limited at this point. The ones that see your work the day it comes out. That’s one reason why Ghosted flopped. Before this, your fans would have said you did wonderful even if you didn’t.

After the new picture of the two of you at the Globes after party, I CHOOSE to not be a fan and hand you my money. I know it isn’t much, but I will choose to spend it on a different movie or person at a convention. Maybe I just won’t have a favorite anymore because it seems like a lot just tell fans what they want to hear.

I don’t know if it’s Real or PR and don’t care but it’s the game you seem to be playing that I don’t like. I don’t care what people think of my opinion and have not posted anything about a side. I just know you look like such a hypocrite and lose fans by the hour now. So many blogs and pages that are team PR or Team Real and they argue over who is right and wrong, because you and everyone around you are playing with them. You are using them for free publicity and that is sickening. I didn’t believe it was happening and you were just trying to protect your love life. But, eventually, it was just so obvious with the tiniest bit of things creeping in on the same sites and coincidences on dates. Mostly, I just don’t want to watch all the drama that has become part of being your fan. I like to escape the real world by looking at my favorite celebrities and what they are up to or their movies etc. I don’t want to see the gross mess you have become. She looks like your daughter, so I choose to leave. You don’t know me or care because I’m just one fan, but I do know who you want people to see you as now and I don’t like this version. Be private or just don’t hide. Look happy, not miserable. Treat her like your love and wife, because I would never allow my boyfriend/husband treat me the way it appears you are treating her. To the public, she looks like a mail order bride that jumps as soon as you tell her too. It’s gross.

So, it’s been a long, fun ride being your fan until now. Enjoy traveling back and forth and wear sunscreen to the beach, because boy are you white. Research the word ‘privacy’ and maybe get those NDA’s to the people leaking things if you want privacy or take their phones from them when they are in your proximity. Invest in energy drinks next, she’s a lot younger and likes to travel and have sex (maybe check out her soft porn). Let Buddah know she did a film with a demon having sex with her. Maybe purchase a plane and get a pilots license, because older dogs don’t travel as well as they age and that’s a long ride to Portugal. Remind your wife to keep her clothes on and keep your 🍆 in your pants because I think Team Real is even over this mess and don’t want to see it. Thanks for the laughs and smiles over the years. I wish you luck and hope you’re happier than you actually look.

Sincerely,

An Ex-Fan of Christopher Robert Evans

[f10werfae]

Bikini Bottom

pairing: Frat!Chris Evans x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary: Frat!Chris falls lovesick and clings onto his girl for dear life, it doesn’t help when she’s parading around in a bikini. Overall, Y/n and Chris are the ultimate campus couple 💌 (lovesick puppy chris)

requests are open/likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated♥️

Chris Masterlist, Full Masterlist, Taglist Form

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Y/n posed in the mirror, rightly checking herself out in her newest bought black bikini, the underwear seamed with fine jewels. Hearing her friend’s bedroom door open she saw one of the head brothers of the frat, her boyfriend. Dressed in navy blue swim shorts, the brunette strolled over whistling out in awe, Chris' hands landing onto her sweet behind.

“Why don’t we just slip these off for a min?” He whispered placing his head onto her shoulder, making direct eye contact through the mirror. His fingers naughtily playing with the strings holding up her bikini bottom; giggling she pulled his hands off and turned to face him.

This was one of her first college parties of her sophomore year, it was her best friend’s Lucy’s pool party, and of course a certain frat was invited.

“How’d ya know I was in here pretty boy?” She smiled combing back his hair underneath his backwards cap, his hands now climbing up her waist and settling on her ribcage.

“Little birdy called Lucy told me, how long were you gonna hide all this from me then?” Chris growled grabbing a handful of ass once again, smiling contently as Y/n leant up and kissed his lips gently. Her hands cupped his face while he fondled her softly, his hands going up to her breasts and copping a few feels.

Despite him being a senior, Chris couldn’t help but feel enamoured by the girl in his arms, and it all started because he knocked on the wrong dorm door; the rest was history. Even though frats have this reputation, Chris definitely put his to rest, the poor guy was seen following her around campus like a lost puppy. Holding her books for her, walking her to her lectures, spending his weekends in her bed, taking her home for thanksgiving and even proclaiming their relationship on his social media.

“God how are you all mine? Is life even real right now?” He moaned against her lips, pecking her twice more, their lips moulding perfectly together. Her hands playing with the St.Christopher medallion around his neck, as she pecked his cheek once before turning back around to face the mirror, placing his arms around his waist.

Now Y/n was definitely the more keep to herself kind of girl, her social media was private yet it adorned over 1k followers, courtesy of being Chris' girlfriend. Her only post was one of her dog from years ago, so Chris was pretty shocked when she reached for her phone and told him to pose with her.

She turned halfway, her ass to the camera with his hands gripping onto it for dear life, both of their lips connected in a passionate kiss for all to see, his other hand held onto her waist whilst she held onto his bulging bicep.

“Well that was a lovely surprise” Chris laughed wiping the side of his lips, his shock deepening when he saw her caption it with,

“I’m a handful, but only his handful 🍑” Before pressing post.

“Now what have I done to deserve a place on your VIP post”

“I think it’s time people know for real that you’re taken, and that i’m taken too. I’m serious about you ya know?” Y/n said throwing her phone onto a table, her eyes landing on Chris’ chest on the multitude of tattoos covering it, her heart pounding waiting for what he had to say.

“I’ve said it a hundred times, and i’ll say it again. This is for life baby, I already know it yeah? Doesn’t matter that I graduate this year, because you know damn well i’ll still be up your fine ass every second I get-“

“Chriss stop ittt” She whined embarrassed, his arms caging around her waist so her head laid on his chest, his lips peppering kisses onto the top of her head,

“Come on, we’re missin the pool party and I still wanna see you all wet and-“

“I swear Chris say another word and you’ll be sleeping on my doormat instead of my bed, that you love oh so much” Y/n said playfully turning around as they walked back out the room, Chris' lips forming into a big pout, “You’d really do your future husband like that huh?”

Now when I say they stuck together, they meant it. Whether it be them clinging onto each other in the pool, or her making sure he had enough sunscreen on him and food in him. The campus couple everyone strived to be like, but no one could; no one could love like they do.

“You comin back to mine tonight baby?” Y/n asked rubbing her hand softly over Chris’ stomach, looking up at him from her place on his chest, the sun-bed somehow fitting them both. The alcohol slowly taking its effect in Y/n as she felt more drowsy, although Chris made it a rule for himself not to drink when at parties with his girl, he had to make sure she was safe. Her safety always comes first.

Chris knew that once they got back to her place there’d be an array of activities going on, from cuddles all the way to full on make-outs, whatever it takes to get his precious princess to sleep. Heck sometimes he’d even have to scratch her back to sleep, or she’d request for him to be inside her as she slept (Chris' favourite method)

“Of course I am, is that even a question? I can’t skip out on my newfound skincare routine, and I still need to feed your fish because I swear you don’t feed the little guy enough”

Y/n smiled up as the man beneath her babbled on and on, Chris had ultimately become a major part of her life, hell her parents loved him more than they loved her at this point. Sure at first she was wary with his social position in the frat, but on the inside he’s a big cuddly bear that needs a lot of lovin. Lovin that she’s extremely willing to give.

Chris fell first, and he fell even damn harder.

———

Taglist Tags (Form is up there^^): @patzammit @pandaxnienke @stormcloudss @stuckysgirl27 @bval-1 @vrittivsanghavi @dumb-fawkin-bitch @emvebee @chrisevansdaughter @cevansgurl @marvelgurl @evanstanwhore @mirikusashes @taramaria @mysticfalls01 @hallecarey1 @misshale21 @mischiefsemimanaged @thereisa8ella @uwiuwi @diyabhanushali1 @angelmather1 @lastwandastan @ravenhood2792 @feltonswifesworld87 @fdl305 @bluebellsn @mdpplgtz03 @alexxavicry @bookfrog242 @alina02 @roofwitty779 @aerangi @s-void @oliviah-25 @nikkitc0703 @meetmeatyourworst @imboredat2am @girl-of-multi-fandoms @mansaaay @adoreyouusugar @annajustwrites @caps-shield1918 @ilovetaquitosmmmm @xoxokiaraaxoxo @royalwriteroftheuniverse @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chrisevansangel @tinyelfperson @madebylilly @bxdbxtxh15 @tojisbabymomma @kimhtoo17 @itsaylayay1213 @mrspeacem1nusone @ninasw0rld

[simpfortheseven]

Hiiii

I'm super sorry that you're going through a hard time and I hope it gets better! Stay strong, your efforts won't go unnoticed for sure<3 ❤️

Anyways as for the ask :

I was wondering if you have any Solomon headcanon? Funny or angsty, whatever it is, I'm kind of just collecting every hc I can get because I'm obsessed with this guy (he's so silly<3, I'm starved for content about him😭)

That's pretty much it, I'm sorry if you expected a more specific kind of ask, so feel free to ignore

And remember to stay hydrated and healthy~

Thank you Nonny! I appreciate the words of encouragement i’ve been getting from everyone 😭❤️

Fun fact: I used to HATEEE Solomon so much. Disposed him. Actively avoided any media about the guy.

then I started playing nightbringer.. and now i LOVEEE him! I low key think he’s my favorite now… Him, Simeon, Lucifer, Mammon, Diavolo, and Barbatos have my whole heart

I have some headcannons about Solomon so I’m glad you asked! I’m going to include general ones, fluffy ones, and then at the bottom will be 18+ ones. Please DNI if you’re a minor!

Keep in mind these are my headcannons and not necessarily based on what’s in the game or not in the game!

Solomon Headcannons!

1. Solomon is a little bad with tech, kinda like Simeon. He only uses his DDD for calling, and texting short messages. He doesn’t play games or have much social media. He’s easier to teach than Simeon though so he gets better the more time you spend together. He even gets into selfie taking after awhile!

2. Solomon used to believe in Santa.. Like hardcore. Now around christmas time he tries to make it magical for Luke in one way or another.

3. He acts very cool around others, but when it’s just you and him he is very laid back and can even be goofy at times. Think “making pancakes at 3am because you said you were hungry and now you’re dancing in the refrigerator light” type.

4. Solomon drinks coffee, specifically only hot coffee with sugar. You try to get him to drink other things but he’s pretty stubborn about his coffee. Once in awhile on a hot day he will have a cold brew.

5. On the coffee note, he once stayed awake for 4-5 days straight working on spells/potions, and ended up using a whole canister of coffee and a whole bag of sugar in the process..

6. He loves murder mystery/Who Done It shows. He could easily solve murders in real life with magic, but watching things like Murder, She Wrote or Matlock?? There’s something about the suspense and drama that he loves.

7. Solomon does NOT like the air conditioning. He thinks it’s a waste of money, and he gets cold easily. He’d rather open a window or use a fan.

8. If Solomon could have an exotic pet, he’d want a Farret. No explanation on this one folks, i just think he would.

9. One time Solomon broke his nose due to a spell gone haywire. If you look closely it is just the tiniest bit crooked, and it irks him beyond belief because no matter what he does it won’t be fixed.

10. On that same note, he has a lot of mysterious scars. Those he doesn’t try to hide, he’s even proud of a few of them and shows them off proudly.

11. Solomon is into whatever you’re into. He’s done it all and seen it all, so he says he has no preference. His actual preference is slow and intimate, he loves savoring every moment with you. He loves seeing your face and expression change, your eyes squeezing shut and your lips trembling as you whisper his name so lovingly.

12. He’s loves seeing you in big shirts and boxers, messy hair. Just thinking about you pouring yourself a cup of coffee in your jammie’s and bed head, holding the mug up to your face and smiling has him melting.

13.Solomon also likes doing some things in public. Never any further than a caress or some PDA, but the more you do it throughout the day the more riled up he gets. He may say you have to leave an event early just so he can go home and have you all to himself.

[nuka]

You know what? I think it's fucking lovely that the OFMD fandom is collectively coming to support Taika after all the shit he got for the letter. If you don’t like him, that’s fine, I’m not saying everyone does or should, but the general vibe in the fandom this week has been so much better regarding Taika. And I’m glad Samba did a shoutout for him. I’ve seen so many people say, “actually, overall Taika’s a good guy and he’s allowed to make mistakes and it was a letter so just block me if you disagree”. People are going to get shit for saying that, but they’re saying it anyway, and I admire that.

I’ve always enjoyed Taika’s work, I saw his short film Two Cars, One Night back when I was a teenager and I immediately thought there was something unique about his style. Something about how he tells meaningful stories through humor has always appealed to me. Not to get all parasocial here, but I do get the vibe from his work and his past interviews that I’ve gone through some of the same shit as he has early on in life, so that might be why I relate to him and the messages in his work so much, and why I can kinda see where he’s coming from. I think he’s a brilliant filmmaker. And he’s truly put so much effort into his character in Our Flag Means Death, and the show wouldn’t be the same without his contribution to it. Anyway, that’s just my opinion on his work.

I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s not acting from a place of malice with the letter, and he often tends to say things in interviews without explaining himself that well, which leads to people making their own assumptions about what he’s saying. These days you have to overexplain yourself when you say anything just to make sure you’re not accidentally offending anyone, because people will read some hidden meaning into anything you don’t say. There are actually evil people in the world, and Taika’s not one of them. He’s also not in a place of political power, so his political stance has about the same power as my hairdresser’s political stance.

Taika’s put a lot of work into giving visibility and a voice to indigenous groups through filmmaking. Many people are willing to throw all that away for one letter. I’m not. If you disagree, then that’s your opinion. Personally I think he’s a pretty decent guy, a complex human being just like the rest of us, and he’s done a lot of good. Do I think he could’ve done some things differently regarding this situation or some situations in the past? Sure! He’s not perfect. No one is.

But I also completely understand why he’s not much on social media anymore, because he’ll get attacked for literally anything he says or does. Why bother trying to appease anyone online, when the majority of people are going to be dicks about it anyway. He probably has better things to do with his time in the real world.

So yeah.

[romanreignseater]

Press Play Pt. 2

Roman Reigns x Black Female! OC (Xena)

Rating: 18+

Warning: No warning really, just sad times 😔.

“Being the girlfriend to a famous divorced father of 5 wasn’t your plan at 26 years old. You trusted him with your life, so you agreed to film a little something, but now you regret ever meeting him when your whole life is exposed.”

A/N: Last part on next Sunday and it’s gonna be something special. I hope you all enjoy this part and I may or may not have given another cliffhanger.

GIF: @jeysuso

It’s been a week since the video leak and since you last saw Roman. And let’s just say the media has YET to let up.

“Roman Reigns, Rated R?! Take A Sneak Peak Into The Spicy Life Of The Hot and Heavy Heavyweight.”

“Roman Reigns Purposely Post His Sex Tape In Spite Of Ex-Wife’s New Beau?!”

“Roman’s Slut, Gold Digging Girlfriend EXPOSED For The Clout Chaser She Is.”

“Roman Reigns Losing Fans?! Did He Release His Tape In Order To Suffice His Absence On SmackDown?!”

Yeah it was a lot…

But, nonetheless you had a huge support system around you and they made you feel better.

The video wasn’t that bad as no one saw anything other than the curve of your ass. But you shouting how much of a little cock slut you were. That one part stretched across social media and your Instagram comments was filled with “I’m a little slut” and “Fuck me harder daddy.”

The day of the incident swirled in your head back and forth. The tears in Roman’s eyes was unlike anything you’ve seen before. His deep and uncontrollable breaths broke your heart.

As much as you loved him, he hurt you bad. Nearly 300 missed calls in only a week. 440 text notifications and 50 attempted FaceTime calls. Through your Ring Doorbell, you could see his many attempts to reach you in person.

You were hiding out at your best friend’s house knowing he would try to see you, but you’d have to go home soon since your best friend was going to see her family.

“You’re gonna have to go eventually sis.” You sat on her couch, wig barely on, nails chipped, tissues all around you, and a tub of ice cream as your new best friend. “Do I have to?!” You put on your best puppy dog eyes.

“Sweetie that’s not gonna work on me. I’m gonna see my family and I don’t want to come back to police tape surrounding my front yard.”

Rolling your eyes you sat up and began to clean up. “Look sis, I want to be better. You’ve always been tough and I know you’ve gotten over this. The real problem is, you’re missing Ro.” The mention of his name made you tense.

“Can we not Taylor?!”

“Xena… we have to. I know you miss him, but he didn’t mean to.” “HE HURT ME TAY.” The tears began to form in your eyes at the thought of your fall out.

Hands on hips, Taylor wasn’t feeling your reaction.

“That man has made you the happiest I’ve ever seen. It’s been THREE YEARS, you can’t just ditch out on him for something you don’t even talk about anymore. Every night it’s, ‘why did he hurt me?!’ ‘I thought he loved me.’ ‘He was supposed to be the one, we talked about marriage and kids’, and you just want to throw that away over a mistake. If I recall you agreed to a sex tape, and of course you didn’t want it out there, but it is and the best thing you could is hear him out.”

You sat down, absorbing everything Taylor just said and she was right.

Roman made a mistake, a really, stupid mistake. But, you knew his heart and knew he didn’t mean what he did. You weren’t the only suffering in this situation. His kids were suffering, his family, his business, and he himself was suffering.

“You know what you need to do Xe.”

“I do.”

“You guys still have that baecation booked and I’m pretty sure you can’t cancel.”

Your eyes jumped out of its socket in realization. You and Roman planned a little trip to Bora Bora to spend more time together.

And now… you had to come face to face with him.

Roman’s POV

I’ve called and called and called, but to no avail. Even though the clips that circulated are no longer visible, nothing can ever be erased from the internet.

My ex-wife’s barking finally stopped. My kids last four kids are pretty young, and don’t understand. My oldest daughter definitely knew what was going on. Luckily, she didn’t disown me as her father, but she definitely was disappointed. I didn’t teach her to do that, so I shouldn’t have done that.

But, the only thing on my mind was Xena.

Her smile, her eyes, her hair, her stunning body, the way she laughed, the way she hugged me, the way she kissed me, the way she looked at me , and just the overall way she loved me.

I never felt so loved by someone in my life.

I stared at the diamond ring resting on my bedside table. I came up with the idea to plan a getaway to Bora Bora, which Xena thought was just to spend more time together. But, in reality it was plan to propose.

I’ve been with this… well I guess was in a relationship with this woman for three years. My parents loved her, my kids, and even my ex-wife had a relationship with her. Lying in bed alone at night was something I haven’t felt in a long time.

The tears began to well just at the mere thought of her gorgeous smile and beautiful chemistry between us. I began to sob, missing her badly.

The trip still fluttering in my mind, as we had to leave tonight and I was afraid I’d be leaving by myself. As my tears began to dry, I heard my phone ding. Strengthening my self back up, I pick up my phone and my mouth dropped.

“La’u Tausala 🤩😈.”

iMessage

I quickly open up my phone wondering what she had to say after ignoring me for so long.

“Don’t forget about the trip, you’re supposed to pick me up at 6 tonight.”

My heart couldn’t stop beating. I could tell she wasn’t really mad at me, cause she’d totally would block me.

“Of course, I’ll be there at 6. Also, I’m really sorry angel. It was never my intent to release that tape, it was private and I invaded your privacy. I hope you could have it in your heart to understand how remorseful I am. I love you baby with every fiber in my being, and I can’t see myself without you. I’ll see you tonight ❤️.”

Seen

Xena’s POV

It was 5:54 and I was currently wrestling my luggage, trying to get it to close.

It was a trip to Bora Bora, so of course I wasn’t bailing. But, I really didn’t want to see Roman right now. Yet, Taylor was right, I missed him badly and I was totally over the comments and headlines.

The hurt in my heart still yearned and longed. Then, the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs and looked out the window. Roman’s black Escalade stood tall in my driveway. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

There he was…

Tall, dark, and handsome.

His tan and lean body clad in an all black sweatsuit, all black Jordan’s enclosing his feet.

His hair kept well in a tight ponytail. Not a strand out of place.

“Hey.”

You draw from your thoughts and spoke up.

“Hey, umm I’m still trying to get my suitcase to close so I’ll out in a second.”

“I can help out if you want.”

I contemplated whether or not I should let him in, but I just couldn’t.

“No, I-I got it. Just wait in the car for me please.” He smiled lightly and headed back to the car. I close the door and held my back against it.

“I don’t even know what’s gonna happen on this trip and honestly I don’t wanna know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s gonna happen on the baecation?! Find out next week on the final part to “Press Play”

THE END.

MY TAG SQUAD: @cyberdejos2 @thesamoanqueen @nayys-world @mzv11 @babybatlover @vogueyonce @harmshake @harlem11680 @seeingstarks @thewarlordsworld @alyyaanna @southerngirl41 @christinabae @pitlissa22 @thealliasylum @fame-ass-ers @iluvthebloodline

[sunnist4rs]

Blare White is super misogynistic… he also supports trump. You know the anti abortion, pro rape guy. I think you may be defining who you love/idolize and what you say you think based on who entertains you the most on social media/YouTube and your personal connections rather than really getting into WHY each view is right or wrong factually/ethically, and aiming to be consistent. To be clear I myself am a radfem and (within that) critical of gender ideology I am not trying to convince you to not criticize gender ideology or to not criticize specific trans identified people. Yes: some people Blaire white and that kind of guy opposes are also fucked up people who do harm. But the enemy of an enemy does not alone make a friend and I encourage you to look with a more critical eye at anyone aligned right wing and against women, whether they are novelties or famous on YouTube or whatever else or not

Among other things remember Blaire white is just a man who calls self woman but hates the other men who call themselves women. His critique of them is typically either copied (without him really understanding) from feminist women, or at other times basically rooted in him saying those other trans women are ugly or don’t pass or haven’t done [insert random shit] “Blaire” thinks makes him a real woman and these other trans women into pretenders. It’s just an egotistical man getting attention and money off of this while still claiming he’s a woman and doing so for sexist (“I pass as feminine so that makes me a woman” = sexist) reasons. This issue that is actually impacting women and girls (a category that doesn’t include him)

Thanks for sending me this ask (and being so civil about it). Before I joined the radfem community (and when I wrote my bio) I was pretty conservative but the more evidence of woman’s oppression I’ve seen, the more leftist I’ve become. This has left me feeling kind of lost because the people like Blair White who I used to turn to for comfort on bad days and to hear what I thought were reasonable political opinions no longer click with me. I don’t resonate with her (I’m gonna use she/her even though I’m he’s a dude because I do have that personal attachment right now so it just feels right) beliefs anymore but distancing myself from her feels wrong because she’s been a part of my life for a while, y’know.

I don’t watch YouTube much so I haven’t seen one of her videos since I became a radfem. But, I do remember how my old community used to act so Ik if I did watch another video of hers I’d be disgusted and disappointed by her behaviour (I almost want to avoid watching her at all so that I can keep pretending I align with her side- also I’m aware this is pretty parasocial, I’ll work on that). While I’ve become more aware of this I’ve continued to defend and preach how good her content is as a way of pretending I do still like her to myself. I knew I was doing this but I didn’t really think about it until now.

I’m pretty good at thinking critically about the media I consume, it’s just something I’ve always done when discovering something new to enjoy. But I think Ive developed a blind spot for people I previously loved as while I agreed with them in the past. Now however, me promoting their ideology is hypocritical at best. I’ve been practicing separatism (that’s not the word I want to use Ik it) more and more in my daily life. I now realise the next step I need to take is starting to distance myself from these people as they’re making me into someone I don’t want to be (hypocrites are one of my biggest red flags).

Thanks again for the ask as it’s genuinely helped me uncover a therapeutic break through lol. Whether or not that was your intent it’s definitely gonna help me be a better feminist and improve my life so thanks.

[lemotmo]

You know I’ve tried so hard to stay neutral on the whole Lou/Tommy of it all. But he did another cameo, which he apparently upped the prices the 145 a video?? But he did another one and he dismissed all of Tommy’s past behavior as being corny and teasing which…does not sit right with me. Like racism, misogyny, toxicity, silent compliance of it all….is not just being corny and teasing. And then he ends the video by talking about Tommy came in at the last minute to save the day and save Bobby and Athena so everyone should be good with him now….. like now we’re taking credit for Hens stuff too?

Idk none of that sat well with me at all and if he is sticking around for any of season 8 I think I need the show to just be like no more cameos from you or something.

Hi Nonny, hope the rest of your day was great. Don't allow things like this to get to you too much. If you feel you need a break from social media, make sure to take it. There is already enough stress in real life, don't let it seep into your fandom life as well. Take care of yourself first. You deserve only the best.

Now on to your ask:

I haven’t seen the cameo you are talking about. I have no desire to see that cameo either. I’ve watched one of Lou’s cameos, way back in the beginning when he started doing them. I found it funny, if a little weird that someone would pay for that, but to each their own.

I’ve been hearing about these cameos more and more lately. And yes, they have started to bother me. Mostly because it seems that Lou is charging these people up to 125 dollar (I’ve even read 145 dollars) to talk about the things ‘he’ thinks or believes to be true about Tommy or Buck/Tommy. Basically he’s talking about his own headcanons as an actor. Which again, is fine, because if it helps him to act better, why not?

The problem lies in the fact that some people have started taking Lou’s headcanons for reality. They hear what he says and see it as ‘canon’ because (right now) Buck/Tommy is a canon couple. While it is true that Buck/Tommy is canon, Lou’s headcanons are just that, little fanfictions he made up in his head. It’s a dangerous road to go down, because where does it end? When Buck/Tommy eventually break up, a lot of people will feel misled by him. It won’t be pretty.

So therefore, I’ve decided to never watch any of his cameos. I’m not really interested in his fantasies for the guest character he plays on my favourite show. I’d much rather be focusing on what 911 is actually showing us on our screens. I focus on the nuances and little details that they want us to pick up on.

Sometimes there are small things that seem inconsequential, but turn out to be very important episodes later. Everything matters on television. There are no coincidences. The writers craft the story, every single thing is planned out for the scene, the actors act it out and we watch on in complete fascination. There is no room for a guest actor’s headcanons or fantasies in a prime time show like this.

That being said though, if he truly dismissed Chimney and Hen’s plight under Captain Gerrard as mere ‘teasing’, that is factually wrong. If you go back to watch the scenes in question, there is bigotry, blatant racism and sexism. It makes me wonder if he even remembers the scenes in question. Did he rewatch them before he came back for season 7? We’ll never know.

But it does highlight, once again, that it isn’t smart to give this guy a platform to talk about his personal headcanons. He was always bound to say something dumb that would piss people off at some point. And here we are today, pissed off and annoyed.

I also want to remind everyone that it wasn’t Tommy who is the real ‘hero’ in the story of saving Bathena on the cruise ship. It was Hen Wilson, who had a bad feeling in her gut and decided to follow that feeling. She got the ball rolling, then Chimney jumped to her aide, because he always will. Buck and Eddie decided to join in, without hesitation, because again—they always will. Tommy was merely the helicopter pilot who flew them all in.

By that definition they are all the heroes in this narrative, which is why they all get medals next episode. But it is only Hen who was smart enough to follow her gut. If all the others are ‘heroes’? Hen Wilson is the only ‘big damn hero’.

I do believe Tommy might be sticking around for the beginning of season 8, because I’m not sure there will be enough time to deal with a proper break up in two episodes. Unless Tim surprises me and actually does manage to pull it off.

But yes, someone should just tell him to stop doing those cameos if his character is to carry over to season 8. It’s starting to get a little worrisome at this point. Charging people to talk about your own fantasies for your character, feels a little exploitative.

Whatever happens with him in season 8, ultimately I’m not really worried about Tommy to be honest. Lou’s stint on 911 is coming to an end pretty soon, one way or the other.

Consider this topic closed for me now. I’ve said all I wanted and needed to say. I don’t feel like wasting any more of my time thinking about or writing about this man and his cameos. I’d rather spend my precious fandom time on the things that matter: the amazing people I’ve met, watching the show and crying copious amounts of tears over these characters I’ve come to love so much, theorising and speculating about what might happen in the next episodes and next season, and above all talking about Buddie—my favourite pastime. 😊

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Thoughts after re-watching Taskmaster season 1:

- Romesh Ranganathan throwing the watermelon on the floor really was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened on TV. It really, really was. It was incredible. Not all the credit can go to Romesh, as it helps that it was well set up, contrasted against the previous more careful approaches. The editors get some credit. But Romesh gets most of the credit. Almost all of it. What an amazing thing to do.

It’s the lack of hesitation, I think. There were no cuts in the first bit of that segment. We see him go into the lab, see the watermelon for the first time, and not even break stride as he instantly walks across the room, picks up the watermelon, raises it over his head, and slams it onto the floor. Not stopping for one moment to consider whether this is the best idea. Every time I watch it, even four years after the first time, I can’t breathe for laughing.

- Romesh was very funny in general. I don’t actually know a huge amount about Romesh Ranganathan, except that he has so many TV shows he’s become other comedians’ shorthand for an extremely successful TV guy. I know he gets pitted against Rob Beckett at things in a show I haven't seen, and he was on that sports panel show that looked too horrible for me to touch even during the depths of my panel show phase, when I watched some pretty shit television. It’s not like Taskmaster is the only place I’ve seen Romesh; he’s turned up as an occasional guest on plenty of panel shows that I did watch. But he’s never made enough of an impression on me in other shows to stand out much in my mind. So I managed to forget that he really was a standout on Taskmaster, for how funny he was in nearly every situation. Obviously he played “livid comedian” very entertainingly, but he was also funny when grudgingly going along with things, when indignantly arguing, when visibly resigning himself to things (those might just be different ways to say “livid comedian”, but they are notably different variations that are each funny in their own ways).

- Tim Key and Romesh Ranganathan getting into physical fights in nearly every live task was amazingly funny. Why don’t people get into physical fights on Taskmaster live tasks anymore? It was the way they’d go looking for it. They didn’t just stumble over each other and go for it, they both went into each one planning to pick a fight. When they were blindfolded, they reached their arms out until they found each other so they could fight. That is commitment. There aren’t enough cage matches on panel shows.

- I also forgot how incredibly funny Roisin Conaty is. Unlike with Romesh, I haven’t forgotten about her in general or anything. I do think of Roisin as someone I really like as a guest on other people’s shows, I know she’s good value. But still, I forgot how amazingly good she was in a situation like Taskmaster that played to all her strengths. I think Roisin Conaty is very good at bouncing off other people and at blundering her way through things, and they just let her do that for six episodes straight. She made me laugh out loud so many times.

- That “high five a 55-year-old” task was amazingly funny. I understand why they wouldn’t do something like that again, not wanting to involve the public. There are very good reasons to not want to turn Taskmaster into some sort of prank show, the scourge of social media. Also, it would be harder to get away with such a thing now that Alex Horne is so much more famous than he was before season 1 of Taskmaster aired. If when I’m in London this summer, someone pulls me aside in a mall and asks my age, and the person who’s pulled me aside is Rhys James and I can see Alex Horne standing in the background, I’m going to have some idea of what’s going on.

However, for the one time they used it, it was fucking funny. Maybe the least “in character” I’ve ever seen Tim Key, as he suddenly dropped the mischievous personality when he had to actually do that shit in real life, walking toward people and then running away. Taskmaster is about genuinely upsetting comedians, and that was genuinely upsetting.

- I think Down An Octave is as close as you can get to a perfect episode of Taskmaster. Perfect balance of tasks – something open-ended where they could each come up with a creative way to solve a broad and simple problem (make the ice disappear), something convoluted where they had to find the exact specific way to get it right (score the most points in “squash”), and something that was just there to straight-up torture the comedians (fill the egg cup with tears). It featured a team task, which every great episode should have (the squash one). A nice open-ended prize task (most beautiful item). It had the first-ever task for only one person, with Josh counting the beans. And there was excellent banter in the studio throughout. No notes on that one.

- I’ve remembered Josh’s bean counting task, and re-watching that episode reminded me that it wasn’t just the beans, they made him do it three fucking times with three different foods. Josh was the perfect person to pick for that, too. Someone like Romesh just wouldn’t have done it. Frank would have half-assed it. Roisin would have blundered her way through it, which is usually funny, but in this case, it was Josh’s dedication to getting it right that made it funny. Tim would have found some way around it, which again is usually funny, but would have allowed him to defeat a task like this. This was funny because Josh was the one person who’d do it meticulously and properly.

- I know I’ve said this before, but a video of Daniel Kitson’s Tree has now been released, so we can all confirm that there was absolutely no reason why Tim Key’s character needed short fingernails for it. And he definitely wore shoes.

- They spent several seasons trying to recreate the magic of the first time they brought on Fred the Swede, and I think they came very close at times; a bunch of other Fred tasks have been very funny. But I don’t think any were quite as funny as the very first season. Watching Tim Key try so hard to make someone else blush that he accidentally just made himself blush instead. Roisin losing her mind and talking about back breasts. Romesh over-committing hard. Josh stuttering about the Emmanual films and Claudia Winkleman. You can’t beat it.

- I did notice overall, compared to more recent seasons, a lot more of contestants interacting directly with each other in the studio. I assume this is largely a consequence of the fact that most of them knew each other before the show. It was a smaller show then, Alex wasn’t drawing from all obscure corners of Britcom to find contestants. He was drawing from the pool of people he knew, so they tended to know each other too.

Romesh, Roisin, and Josh clearly all knew each other somewhat well (Romesh played a guest character in Josh Widdicombe’s sitcom at almost exactly the same time, who had about the same adversarial relationship with Josh’s character as the two of them had on Taskmaster, which I found quite funny when I watched that sitcom). And Roisin seems to be good friends with pretty much every comedian, as evidenced by her immediate rapport with any other comedian she gets paired with in any kind of show (often based on telling weird stories about her off-camera relationships with the other people on that episode). Tim Key was slightly more on the outside compared to the rest of them, but it shows how tight they all were that I’m calling the “outsider” of the studio banter the guy who was physically fighting Romesh in every live task. And of course there were Tim’s links to Alex and Roisin’s links to Greg.

(And everyone knows about Frank Skinner so I guess he was in there too. I don’t like Frank Skinner but I think I’ve already mentioned that fact, and why, too many times lately, so I’m trying to just ignore him in this post, rather than getting into all that again. The fact is that I can’t look at him without thinking of how many people I’ve known in real life who’ve been like him, and how awful they were, so even if it was 30 years ago and objectively no longer that big a deal, I subjectively can't get past it. I have no idea whether he’s objectively funny because I can’t enjoy him.)

They were just all all over each other, all the time. There were nearly as many interactions among the contestants as there were between the contestants and Greg or Alex. They were all commenting on each other’s choices, sometimes supportive but usually not. In more recent seasons, we can name specific arguments among contestants (ie. Bananagate from season 15), because they happen a few times a season. In season 1, you can hardly separate them out because they were after nearly every task (though a few do stand out, Pie Breachgate and Boxgate).

I do think the editors might be, for reasons I cannot fathom, screwing us over a bit on that in the most recent season. Sophie Willan mentioned, in the latest podcast episode, that there were a lot of arguments in the studio between John Robins and Steve Pemberton. Nick Mohammed said something very similar in his podcast episode, that he remembered sitting there quietly while sparks went off between those two. But we don't really see that in the edit. And I’ve spoken to someone who was in the studio audience for the one of the season 17 recordings, who told me about a couple of specific arguments between John and Steve in the studio (in both cases, John picking fights with Steve about stuff Steve did during the tasks, but Steve happily engaging). I was looking forward to seeing those arguments when that episode aired, but they were cut, and disappointingly, didn’t even appear in the outtakes. Why are the editors denying us studio friction? It was so funny in season 1!

It may have helped in season 1 that they were physically close together, in the smaller studio. Maybe they need to bring the smaller studio back. It’s easier to pick fights when you’re nearly sitting on top of each other. Made it feel more like a communal thing with all five of them sort of facing each other, rather than them all just going back and forth with Greg and Alex.

- This might tie in a bit to the previous point, but among other weird format things in season 1 (Greg doing little intros for each contestant, summaries of what we learned, much stingier with the points) was more cuts to reactions during the films of task attempts. Often shots of the contestant whose attempt is being shown, but also plenty of shots of other contestants looking shocked at what they’re doing. I’m not normally a fan of “reaction shots” in TV shows (they’re the absolute bane of stand-up specials), but I think they worked in this case, reminding us that they’re all a part of this.

- Overall, I greatly enjoyed that re-watch. There is a reason why I watched this season of Taskmaster and then decided I didn't want to watch anything else except these people and other things like this ever again. And that reason was not just Romesh throwing a watermelon on the floor. But a lot of it was Romesh throwing a watermelon on the floor.

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, April 14, 2024

My posts

Honestly, I spent much of the week coping with storm migraines. You can tell, because I was reblogging a lot from under a cold compress rather than doing anything useful with life. 

Reblogs of interest

The Hot Vintage Lady Polls are rough out there, y’all. Round three started closing yesterday (see what’s still open here), and as of this writing, we have lost Bette Davis, Alla Nazimova, Theda Bara, Myrna Loy, Barbra Streisand, Fay Wray, Lucille Ball, Ginger Rogers, and Olivia de Havilland--and it looks like Catherine Deneuve, Clara Bow, Lana Turner, and Mary Pickford are on their way out. Meanwhile, I learned about a ton of actresses I’d never heard of before, only to shriek when Sharmila Tagore, Nadira, and Waheeda Rehman lost this round. (Edwige, I will never forget you.) 

Let me remind you (and me sometimes, too): Not everyone has the same taste or childhood attachments or cinema experiences as you. And everybody in this bracket loses. Everybody but one. 

(I can tell I’m not cut out for brawling because I’m like, “I will be very sad to see Norma Shearer go, but Hazel Scott seems nice!”)

--

“Actually, Mr. Musk, I am an attorney. Do you know that?” Here’s the highlights of Mark Bankston, the man who brought down Alex Jones, coping with Elon Musk and Elon Musk’s Lawyer, who is not even licensed in Texas, for 100 pages of deposition. 

Hozier Watch 2024: “Too Sweet” has now charted higher in the UK than “Take Me to Church,” and it’s getting real close on the US charts. This is a song that didn’t even make last year’s album. I am endlessly fascinated. 

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Neil Banging Out the Tunes Day!

“Posting endless DNIs because we can’t (or don’t know we can) make spaces just for the people we do want to interact with” actually makes a lot of sense in this centralized social media hellscape. 

There is a 20k mg weed gummy and nobody needs that. “Forget meeting the Hat Man this is what turns you into the Hat Man. This is worse than that torture drug that makes you experience 600 billion years in a second. This is the secret to honest to god shifting.” 

One of the best uses of the Kate Beaton Poe comic I’ve ever seen

“Americanisms that tell you to check on your American” (they are all correct)

“Tuxedo Mask is the first example of being ‘Kenough’”

Just this once, I will allow this AI rendition of a “traditional Polish family” and their traditional Polish woodchuck. 

I am absolutely not saying there is anything wrong with being into tentacles; I’m just saying that Pyramid Head doesn’t even have them and thus is a pretty tame choice to complain about. 

Little Guy, a game

A cursèd chair called “Oops!”

Sparrow Tarot: Honestly, this is one of my favorite takes on the Hanged Man.

This dog is a biscuit and she is precious

Video

One of the things that’s so great about this Ilia Malinin free-skate program is, he makes it look so effortless that I would have never figured out on my own, without Tumblr’s commentary, that there’s a couple moves in here that no one in the world can do but him. Like, the very first jump and the announcers start screaming. 

A journey from fearing moths to raising them

A dude puts on a dress For the Meme and then discovers that he loves it (and then he styles it as a full outfit and it looks SO GOOD)

Watching this cat ride around on a roomba on a sped-up surveillance camera is self-care.

So is this (although it’s a bit strobe-y)

Bat type: hi doggy

Was the jello for the tuna salad lamb supposed to be lime?

The sacred texts

Holy Shit, Two Cakes

The origin of “Me, an intellectual”

#AllMyLifeIHadToFight

Personal tag of the week

Designer Roberto Cavalli, who passed away this week at age 83. I reblogged several fashion posts--I hadn’t even realized myself that he had designed Beyoncé’s famous yellow dress in Lemonade.

[tiktaalic]

Just watched Social Network for the first time. I get it now. I understand why I've seen 2000+ Tumblr posts trying to capture the Experience of that film. I understand why I've alternately seen it hailed as a watershed cinema masterpiece that exposes silicon valley for the asshole boys club it is and also as a film that fundamentally misunderstands what it takes to succeed in silicon valley and also as the funniest fucking gay tragedy ever put to screen. And they're ALL correct. In the midst of this film about people who feel a vague twinge of human emotion once a year, Andrew Garfield bravely experiences Shakespearian earthquakes of the soul over *checks notes* Mark Zuckerberg. I laughed harder than I've laughed at a film in years. I was earnestly told by the images on my screen to feel sad for the silicon valley brain-geniuses because the poor dears lose all true human connection on account of their being the worst people you've ever heard of in response to the hardship of suffering nothing ever at all. Edwardo pulled that 'you love Gatsby because Nick loves him' shit so fucking hard that two or three times I was tricked into a glimpse of emotion about the curly-haired fucktwat on my screen before recalling that said fucktwat is *checks notes again* MARK. ZUCKERBERG. At which I'd feel like the butt of a cosmic joke but couldn't even be mad about it because it was in fact the funniest shit I'd ever experienced. After two hours of watching the most obnoxious piece of shit you've ever seen in your life the film pulls an honest-to-goodness 'he's not an asshole' about *checks notes again because surely that can't be right* WAR CRIMINAL MARK ZUCKERBERG. It is, and please know I say this without irony: a good film.

INTERESTING. I don’t think it tries to make you sympathize with mark at all. I thought it had a very…. Not as far as an anti zuck stance. But a mark zuckerberg sowing haha this rules mark zuckerberg reaping well this sucks. What the fuck. Stance. Very Pyrrhic victory rich asshole on rich asshole crime you won at what cost. Stance. Edwardo was in love with him though. I cannot dispute this. The only people who dredge any sympathy out of me are Rooney mara (mark zuckerberg’s ex) and Eduardo saverin (mark zuckerberg’s ex) because Rooney mara voice I was nice to you mark don’t torture me for it. And then he did. I really am well and truly shocked that nobody got sued over that movie. Becuase mark Zuckerberg sucjs so bad in there. BEAUTIFUL flick though. I’ve seen it several times. Incredible soundtrack. I never get tired of watching the drift apart build into an explosion which culminates in mark sitting in an empty room alone with a computer comma hated. Like I watch the social network and I’m like oh it’s about the social media company they made up for their movie. With character types that are meant to round out a cast and plot rather than reflect any real world people. I love it I’ve watched it 3 times this year. My cocomelon