#I’m looking at it as we speak and it’s giving me so much serotonin

[stuckinapril]

Nothing gets a girl going faster than making an hour by hour schedule of her day.

[festivalsofmargot]

hello:))) can i request garreth x reader and what he would do for their one year anniversary? like he wants it to be very special and sweet and romantic because she’s the love of his life :) thank you!!!!

Freckled Serotonin

{Garreth Weasley x GN!Reader}

Got this pic of Garreth from Rimaeternax on twitter!!! 

Word Count: ~ 2,900

Warnings: Kissing, Fluff

Author’s Note: Thank you for the request, anon! Didn’t realize how much I enjoy writing lovey dovey dates haha. I had way too much fun with this one 🥰 A good lack of angst here, you and Garreth have a very healthy relationship and you’re going to like it dammit lmfao. Take some time for yourselves and turn off your brain. Hope you enjoy guys, have a good day 🤗

Songs (if interested):

My Love - maye

watch you sleep - girl in red

we fell in love in october - girl in red

STARSTUD - Matt Watson

Garreth twirled his wand between his fingers as he made his way to the dining hall for breakfast. He was deep in thought of what to do for your one year anniversary the next day. The main plan the two of you had was to go to Hogsmeade for some butterbeers, but he wanted to do a bit more than that. He was worried you’d get bored of him by the end of the night if that’s all you did. He had tried to ask what more you wanted to do, but you were insistent the butterbeers and being with him were enough for you. Ever since, he’d been racking his brain for ideas on what he could surprise you with.

He spotted you in the dining hall standing near the Hufflepuff table, speaking with Poppy, Everett and Natty. He was starving but he couldn’t not see you first. He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and setting his chin upon your shoulder. “Morning.”

You turned your head slightly to look at him and brought your hand up to caress his cheek. “Ah, there’s my boy.”

Merlin, he loved it whenever you said ‘my’ while referring to him. “What potions do you need today?”

Your hand slid to the back of his head as you thought, gently ruffling his hair, making his insides go wild. “Hmm, do you think you could make me...” You made a clicking sound with your tongue as you counted off in your head, “...three thunderbrew potions?”

“Three?” He kissed your cheek and pulled away. “I sure do spoil you.” He turned to your group. “Does anyone else want a kiss and a cuddle this morning?” 

You, Poppy and Natty cackled. He always felt a sense of triumph getting a laugh from you.

“I’m tempted to say ‘yes’, you asked so nicely.” Everett jested.

“Oh Everett, how long are you going to act like you don’t want me?” Garreth plopped down on the bench next to him and threw an arm over his shoulder.

Everett shook his head, but looked amused all the same. “I don’t know how you put up with him.” He said, staring up at you.

“I do what I must for free potions.” You smirked.

“Don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such cruel treatment from everyone this morning.” Garreth gave you a wink as he got up, then headed to the Gryffindor table, pinching your side as he passed.

-

Garreth was working on your thunderbrew potions during his free period in Professor Sharp’s empty classroom. You leaned against the doorway as you watched him measure out the ingredients and scribble off items written on his parchment. His robes were off and he had his sleeves rolled up, giving you a tantalizing view of his forearm muscles. 

You loved his goofy, outgoing personality, but Merlin he looked so alluring when he was absorbed in his brewing. Garreth really was talented when it came to potions, but he had the most fun experimenting and trying new things.

You went up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist like he did to you that morning, except your grip was a good bit tighter. 

“Can I help you?” He asked without taking his eyes off of his station.

“What are you up to?” You were being cheeky, peeking at the cauldron before him.

“Trying to make your potions.” He knew he made you go mad when he was engrossed in his work, he could keep up the act if it kept your hands on him. It always turned into this game of you trying to distract him and him trying to stay focused. He adored it. “I need to get more shrivelfigs. Do you mind?” He gestured to your arms around him.

“Not at all.” You tried to bite back the smile as you tightened your hold on him.

“You’re impossible.” Garreth sighed as he made his way to the ingredient shelves, you kept your hold and matched your footsteps to his. “Do you want your thunderbrew potions or not?” He tried to chide you but his chuckles came through. He’d always give off that he was annoyed when you had these bouts of clinginess to him. But, truth be told, they made him feel wonderful. 

There were times when it would be tough to see you with how busy you were, it was why he was so dedicated to brewing any potion you needed. He knew you could just as easily make your own, but if he made them it could keep you connected. There was always a lingering worry that a distance would grow between the two of you and you’d come to realize you didn’t need him for anything. Every bit of reassurance he got was intoxicating.

Garreth grabbed a few shrivelfigs out of the jar, then went back to his station with you still on him. “You keep this up, you’ll be brewing your own potions.” Please don’t call my bluff. Please don’t call my bluff.

You bit at his shoulder and his knees went weak. “But, I have so much fun watching you do it.”

“Well then let me work!” He laughed.

You pressed your lips to the spot you bit. “You can work like this, can’t you?”

“Don’t you have a Crossed Wands match to get to?” He asked as he picked up his ladle and stirred the pot.

You groaned and rested your forehead on his back. “Nothing gets passed you, I see. I thought you were supposed to be the troublemaker.”

Garreth set the ladle to the side and turned in your arms. He took your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours. His stomach did a flip when he could feel you smile into the kiss. He stood strong, but he was one step away from being putty in your hands.

He pulled back, still cupping your cheeks and looking over your flushed features. He hid his giddiness with feigned vexation. "Happy?”

You smiled at him, staring at his lips. Heat swirled in him witnessing how blatant you made it that you wanted him. Tempted, he returned to your lips for more, kissing you deeper this time. The feel of your tongue gracing his bottom lip caused something to snap in him. One hand moved from your cheek down to your hip and he fisted the fabric of your uniform. His other hand slid to the back of your head, the hunger for you growing. He tilted your head so he could begin feasting on your neck.

You bit your lip to hold back the moan he was teasing out of you. Then a sizzling sound caught your attention and your eyes fluttered open. You thought the bubbles from the pot looked a little too big. “Garreth?” You said his name breathily, but he kept at your neck. “Garreth. The pot.” You said a little more stern, yet still unstable at his touches.

“Hmm?” He pulled away just enough to look back. “Oh dammit.” He released you and went to begin stirring with the ladle again. He threw in another drop of leech juice and that seemed to bring everything back to normal.

“How are you so good at brewing?” You moved to his side and stroked a finger slowly down his arm, causing a tingling sensation to course through it. 

“On no you don’t.” Garreth got behind you and gripped your shoulders, pushing you out of the classroom. “You’re nothing but trouble, go on to your Crossed Wands match so I can finish up here.”

You gave a dramatic sigh. “Fine. But don’t think you can get rid of me this easily tomorrow.”

He wouldn’t say getting rid of you in that moment was ‘easy’. Once he got you out the door, you followed his wishes and went on your way. You glanced back at him over your shoulder and waved him goodbye with your fingers. He leaned against the doorway and watched as you left. 

Love of my life. His heart squeezed at the sudden words that formed in his head and he rubbed at his chest. Before he could really think on those words, the sizzling sound started up again. “Shit.”

-

Garreth looked over himself in the mirror as he finished buttoning up his vest. Was this enough for your anniversary date to The Three Broomsticks? Or worse... was it too much? He thought it over and decided to tone it down and roll up his sleeves how you liked. You were always out for some assignment until the last minute, most likely you’d be disheveled in the standard uniform when he met with you. He clenched his jaw at the thought, he really liked it when you were disorderly like that.

He waited at The Three Broomsticks and spoke with some other students who were hanging out there. He didn’t know them, but he was the kind of person who could walk into a room and make friends with anybody. Where did his confidence go when it came to you? How did you manage to put such worrying thoughts of not being enough for you in him? You never made him feel anything of the sort, but you were the most capable person he’d ever met. He couldn’t believe he piqued your interest, especially when he had such a disastrous first impression that included a potion exploding in his face and getting you in trouble with him for it.

He felt someone touch his elbow and he turned, meeting your eyes. Just as he predicted, you were in your uniform, tie loosened, top buttons undone, shirt untucked on one side. He made himself stand up a bit straighter, trying to hide the fact that his nerves were in a frenzy at your state.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to clean myself up. Are you mad?”

“Livid.” He grabbed your hand, nodded his head goodbye to his new friends, and pulled you towards a table in the back of the tavern. Before the two of you sat, he wrapped an arm around you. He pulled you close and said in a low tone near your ear, “You should know by now I prefer you like this.”

It was a good thing Garreth had such a strong hold on you, because your body went weak, swooning at his words. You felt him step away all too soon and he pulled out your chair.

“I’ll go get us some butterbeers.” He said as you sat and he pushed in your chair.

You rested your chin on your palm and watched him. He leaned against the bar, chatting easily with everyone around him. Ever since the fwooper feather incident, you’ve been sweet on him. Garreth’s energy was so addicting and it seemed like every person he met felt the same. 

You didn’t know how he did it. You could never talk to people as easily as he did, made you wonder what he saw in you. Not only were you much more of a quiet person, you were constantly out working on assignments, returning to campus profoundly unpresentable. Even after a year you still found it difficult to believe you were able to land him. 

You were mortified at the thought of meeting him tonight in the state you were in, but you would hate yourself even more if you arrived late. Your original plan was to show up and assure him you’d be right back after you cleaned up, but the second he looked at you with those beguiling, green eyes, you didn’t want to leave.

Garreth returned with a butterbeer in each hand. “I felt you eyeing me that whole time.” He set one in front of you and took the seat opposite you. “Now, I know I’m a striking young man, but please do have some self control while we’re out in public.” 

You grinned like a fool and pulled the butterbeer closer to you. “You are pretty nice to look at.”

He took a sip of his butterbeer so that the foam would cover his lip like a mustache. “Alright, I’ll let it go this time. But you can’t keep embarrassing me like this.”

You let out a snort, then shot your hands up to cover your face. He was instantly charmed. Unable to keep up his little comedy act, he wiped away the foam. Letting out a few chuckles of his own, he watched proudly as you struggled to quiet down your laughing. 

He got up and moved his chair closer to yours. He sat back down and rested his arm on the back of your seat. “Tell me what I got to do to get that sound out of you again, I’m begging you.”

Finally getting your laughter under control, you removed one hand from your face to smack his chest. “Don’t act like that did something for you.”

“Ow!” He laughed, grabbing your hand and holding it captive against his chest.

Your time at The Three Broomsticks went on with him trying to get more snorts out of you, your hands stroking each other’s thighs under the table, and absent minded kisses.

“I’ll go get the next round.” You stood up from your seat and Garreth stood as well, grabbing your wrist before you could go.

“Actually, I have a surprise for you.”

You tilted your head, raising a questioning brow at him. “Oh?”

He nodded his head and offered his arm. You took it and squeezed, greedily feeling up his bicep.

Once the two of you were out of the tavern, you leaned your head against his shoulder and sighed. “Garreth, you didn’t need to do anything. We could have stayed at The Three Broomsticks all night and I would’ve been happy.”

He frowned and shook his head. “You would have gotten bored of me.”

You cackled. “Oh, definitely.” You looked up at him when he didn’t laugh with you and saw he was staring ahead, jaw tight. “Wait, were you serious? You... think I would have gotten bored of you?” You halted your steps and gently tugged at him to stop and look at you.

Garreth only looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing what to say. You had never seen him so unsure of himself.

“How could I get bored of you? You make brewing potions interesting, I could watch you do it all day. In fact, I’ve tried plenty of times, but you always gave me the boot. If anything, I thought you were getting bored of me.”

He met your eyes then, and shook his head. “Never.” The look on his face told you he meant it, and a touched smile graced your lips. His heart rate picked up. “I love you.” He blurted, feeling a wave of bashfulness. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the dirt at his feet like a child. “Just... thought you should know.”

Your lips parted slightly in shock, something fluttered in your chest so harshly you thought it would burst out. “You do?”

Garreth nodded his head, darting his eyes back and forth from your face to anywhere else, the wait for you to say something back making him more anxious by the second.

“Sorry, you... caught me off guard.” You chuckled, rubbing at your face hoping the burn from your blushing would go away. “But, I love you too.”

As soon as you said it back, his confidence came back soaring. He also took a smug pleasure in seeing how fidgety he made you. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you along with him to a dark, nearby alleyway. He glanced around to make sure no one could catch a glimpse of the two of you. Once he felt the coast was clear, he pinned you up against the nearest wall and narrowed his eyes at you. He brought his mouth to yours. He wanted to kiss you until you couldn’t think straight. 

He brought his hands up so they were tight on your hips, and you cupped the back of his neck. You always had a terrible ache for each other when you kissed, but this need was on another level. There was more of an urgency this time.

He got lost in you and couldn’t help it when his lips strayed to other parts. He went along your jaw, nibbled at your earlobe, then began sucking at the crook of your neck. He usually would get a giggle from you when he did this, telling him to stop so he wouldn’t leave a mark. But this time you didn’t say anything, staying compliant at the feel of his mouth. 

Everything about him in that moment was making you excitable. “Wait, what's the surprise?”

He pulled back slightly, “Hmm? Oh, it's a um...” He pinched the bridge of his nose trying to focus on your question, “... a chocolate frog cake I ordered at Honeydukes. We can get it later.” He returned to your neck to continue putting his marks on you. 

It hit you then just how hungry you were. Butterbeer could only fill you up so much and you hadn’t eaten anything since before you went out on your assignments that day. “Garreth, I hate to say this. I really do, but can we stop this for now and go get that cake?”

He pulled back with his eyes closed tight, trying to regain his composure. “Fine. But we’re picking this back up after.”

[sweetkpopmusings]

vernon best friend headcanons <3

a/n: i love vernon so much platonically (and non-platonically) and i needed some serotonin at 2 am so here we are :,-) also pics not mine ofc!

content: fluff | wc: 0.8k | warnings: none! | pairing: bestfriend!vernon x gn!reader | requests: open

definitely the ride-or-die type of best friend

it doesn’t matter if you met when you were younger or as adults — once he knew how much you two clicked, he became one of your most loyal and loving supporters

but i think he shows it in the silliest ways

like you tell him a bad joke, and, when you look at him for a reaction, he says “shutup, stupid” but with the softest smile on his face

he will NOT give in by laughing but you know he loves it

he is such a silly little guy himself

so y’all are frequently doing dumb shit together

not just the texting only in memes (which happens frequently since you both have developed a shared collection of reaction pics/gifs)

but you’ll both just be talking and suddenly you’re acting out this whole bit you came up with on the spot about a shirt that’s made of the shamwow

even if you don’t think of yourself as a funny person, you become a comedic genius in the presence of vernon

jokes aside, your friendship is a source of calm

he’s the type of friend you turn to for solace on your most stressful days 

even if he sometimes doesn’t know how to properly react (homeboy froze up the first time he saw you cry but he only got awkward because he felt so sad seeing you so sad :-( what a sweet angel) he ALWAYS makes you feel comforted 

and he’s always willing to learn more about what you need in terms of support because he always wants to be the best friend he can be ! 

it goes the same for you too — while it takes a lot for him to get vulnerable, when he builds that trust with you, you cherish it by gaining the tools needed to support him

and he’s so grateful for it like his heart swells with joy whenever he leans on you in hard times because he’s so lucky to have you as a rock 

speaking of rock

“black eye” is the proof i needed for my argument that vernon is in his angsty / emo / pop punk phase

so he’s totally the bestie who will jam out to pop punk with you (if you’re into it! i’m very into it and i would give everything i have to listen to neck deep with vernon like i'm being so serious rn)

in fact, he is the bestie who will jam out with you to your favorite music any time anywhere

he LOVES collaborative playlists that you two make together

and yes these sometimes become super niche and specific 

but whether you’re listening to your “top shower songs” playlist or your “standing in the back corner of a gas station deciding on which drink to buy so you can use their bathroom” playlist, this is one of vernon’s best ways to appreciate and celebrate your friendship

he thinks the best way to know each other is through sharing music and all the other things you like/enjoy, and that’s how you learned a lot about each other in the beginning of your friendship 

you of course meet the rest of seventeen and vernon has so much pride every time one of the members comments on how cool/funny/smart/etc you are

because he’s like YEAH that’s MY best friend right there!!!!!!!!

will be so down to take cool af photos of you 

even if he needs some coaching on what your best angles / preferred poses are he is taking down copious notes so he can nail it every time 

i can’t believe how long this is getting jfc i guess i really want vernon to be my buddy

he loves to just vibe with you

since you two are on the same wavelength most of the time, he thinks it’s the most fun to get food and chill at home watching movies, tv, or youtube together

like whatever you’re in the mood for you’ll do and it’ll be a great time because you’re together 

he also strikes me as the type of best friend who likes being friends with your other friends 

he doesn’t need to be super close with them, but he wants to make sure you are able to have him in a group setting too because he knows your other friends are important to you 

i think he also loves mimicking you

like if you say something he thinks is interesting/funny he will immediately repeat it 

whenever he tells stories that involve you, he impersonates you perfectly (this is also true when he is telling a story about you to you)

it’s just another way he shows how much he pays attention to you and loves you

overall he’s such a fun guy to be around and whenever you’re together it’s carefree and comfortable and secure 

he is ALWAYS by your side because he knows you’ll do the same for him

and he is ALWAYS ready to make fun of you for the same reason 

someone please give me a vernon tysm 

[markantonys]

Oh well now that you’ve told me we get more Elayne content as the series goes on I’m definitely still excited to read the later books!

Gawyn! I’ve seen so very little of him so far but from what I have he seems like a sweetheart. I love a good sibling relationship and how he and Elayne team up against Galad is great to see, keeping an eye on that one… Very frustrating for Egwene to be fawning over the wrong brother though smh

Haha poor Mat! I’m definitely warming to him more, I’m nearly finished TDR and he’s just put a flower in his hair while sneaking into the palace 😭 Which speaking of new locations and characters, that will be SO exciting to see. I know book fans have been complaining about the changes to the show but it makes sense for them to have saved Caemlyn for s3, there’s just so much going on!

Yeah, I’m looking forward to being on the other side! I think this is preferable bc honestly, based on my taste, I think the show is on the whole making changes for the better (the women getting more spotlight from the off, actually making queer coded relationships canon lol) so having the show to look forward to after reading the books is so much fun.

*the books are obviously the source material and fantastic please don’t shoot me book fans

first of all, congratulations on having the most correct and relatable takes on everything in the series so far djdkjf right down to anxiously adding "please don't shoot me book fans" after daring to express that you think the show is good and perhaps even better. keep us updated as you go along, i love hearing your thoughts! as always, to my reader followers, please do not mention any book spoilers past TDR in replies/reblogs on this post. we must keep this anon pure! anon, i will be tagging this post as book spoilers for the sake of show-onlys since we're discussing some s3 stuff, but rest assured i haven't included any spoilers past where you are (bar vague stuff like "X character has a big storyline in Y portion of the series").

gawyn is MY BOY. he's like a son to me, and you can't imagine the sheer serotonin boost i got when he was unexpectedly namedropped in s2 just when i was starting to worry he might be cut or merged with galad (neither of which would make sense to do, but other readers kept predicting that baselessly and i couldn't help worrying). he's definitely a slow-burner character with his biggest storylines occurring late in the series (another thing to look forward to in the later books!), but both brothers become more prominent in the book 4-6 era, so i will be interested to see what you think of that since they're definitely Just Kinda There giving us nothing in the first 3 books haha

and this is exactly why the show was wise to hold off on caemlyn, gawyn, galad, morgase, and elaida until s3! while i would've loved to see them earlier and while the EOTW caemlyn sequence is dear to my heart, in the medium of TV where the need to build sets and hire actors constrains what you can include when, it makes way more sense to hold off on introducing major locations & characters until such time as they are truly needed in the story, which for the Caemlyn Crew is season 3 since they don't get up to very much in the first few books. going to all that casting & set-building trouble for a single scene in season 1 or casting gawyn & galad just to bop around not doing much at the white tower in season 2 wouldn't have been practical. not to mention that there's been so much else going on, like you say! better to save this crew until we have enough space in a season to spend proper time with them.

and i love the show's approach of introducing elayne first and getting her into our hearts, then introducing the rest of her family in the next season when we're primed to be interested in meeting them, having already spent a whole season with her and having come to love her, and having heard intriguing little tidbits about her family and upbringing. caemlyn is my favorite location in the books and the trakands are my favorite family, so i can't wait to see them next season!!!! i'm so curious to see what kind of aesthetic they'll go for with caemlyn, and noble andoran fashion too. and given what a great damodred family backstory they crafted out of almost nothing in the books, i suspect we'll be in for a treat with some meatier family dynamics among the trakands (who do already have great dynamics in the books, but i bet there's more that can be done!)

mat putting a flower in his hair!! 😭😭 he's a baby! man that reminds me of the green man in EOTW and when he only gave flower crowns to the girls and not the boys, that made me so mad djkjfjg whenever i see anyone be sad that the green man didn't make the show, i'm like "nah FUCK that guy, he didn't give the boys flower crowns!"

and i am COMPLETELY on the same page as you with still preferring the show even after having read the books because the changes it makes are in line with my personal taste and improve aspects of the books i didn't like. the aes sedai are one of the most unique elements of the series, and i love how much focus the show has given to them early on! i love that egwene and nynaeve get to be ta'veren too! i love that moiraine and siuan are in a canonical present-day relationship instead of relegated to "being gay is just a phase in college"! i love alanna's polycule! i love that the male characters are allowed to be sensitive and vulnerable and to openly express emotions and affection! i love that the friendships and romances and enmities are all deeper and more emotional across the board! i love that the show focuses on the emotional impacts of the plot on the characters! and the show also really excels at picking out a smaller number of supporting characters and beefing them up (like liandrin and alanna) instead of including a fuckton of supporting characters, none of whom are very distinct or well-developed. the show always chooses to whole-ass one thing rather than half-ass two things, and that's another thing i love! the ability to distill these very long-winded books down into a more streamlined version of the story while keeping its core intact was crucial for an adaptation to work well, and rafe & co are so good at that.

anyway, i know that some readers like to tout the narrative that reading the books will make you like the show less because you'll see how much better and more detailed the books are, but that could not have been less true for me. it just made me love and appreciate the show even more, and look forward to seeing how my least favorite book stuff might be improved and how my favorite book stuff might be changed or given a fresh spin or made even better! and i'm glad to hear i'm not the only show-to-book person who feels that way <3

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

watching them to get ready and my god my❤️(him saying what a barb and “Penelope” “I am a woman”still gives me the kinda buzz and serotonin nothing ever could)told my co worker she only needs to watch this to be ready for polin szn since nothing more interesting happens otherwise expect the Edwina cute Ben scene!

I knew polin was that ship but I didn’t knew it was that good and Colin Bridgerton the man you are? you will always be so mf loved by me! The heart you have for eveyone always considered what you have been trough losing ur father, Marina breaking your heart yet been so forgiving and understanding and wanting more for her then just be content, being there for pen and her family because they have no male figure protecting them, him always seeing himself so low bc wdym “ if Penelope can see me that way maybe I can too”how dare you?You beautiful perfect man I love him so much

How can he not see himself as the best perfect boy he is? When Marina Pen eveyone in rom sees him as that? I know we won’t get this explored in s3 but I need him to explore this insecurity he has and why ofc we know why but we need to see it! the way he’s always so soft delicate whenever he speaks to people but even more so to people he cares for andk way more with pen how they talk about dreams and ambitions wanting more in life no one in the whole show has ever talked that much about their aspirations in whole 2 szn like they do I love them I love him guys y’all don’t understand how much!

the way he talks to pen like an equal in world where men are thought they aren’t it’s so insane to me how pen polin fans could ever want this man to beg or grovel when all he has ever done is show how much he cares and adores pen and values hee words and takes them to heart and all y’all can say about him is how dare he ignore her or flirt with others or he should grovel bc he didn’t see pen before are U kidding me I wish character literacy was thought to bton fandom bc he really is the only complex male character in the whole show actually  

besides George in whole universe actually they only have complex female characters obvi bc its written by woman but Colin being the only male character with layers upon layers he’s what they call an onion character the more you peel the more layers u get just brilliant character the fact he left saying he wanted to get to know himself better and he comes back with this cool guy attitude he’s always been charming but the shy funny type and now he’s giving this fake confidence and he literally tells pen you can learn because he himself thought himself that

Bc of all the pain and suffering he’s been through and him swearing off love making him this new but colder kinda type bc he’s closed himself off oh the writing of his character is just phenomenal for a show that has horrible inconsistent lazy bad writing with so much plotholes and with no understanding of their female relationship the sure put all their energy into making Colin this complex amazing character oh how I would di* just to see more of that in s4 since s3 is about C opening up his❤️for love but all the other stuff is just lying dormant in him for now waiting to burst out soon

Honestly if I went trough what Colin did and I loved somone who didn’t love me back and they broke my already chattered heart into more tiny pieces oh the kinda horrible as*whole I would’ve been sleeping and just looking down on people woman bc one broke my heart and yet hee not because he’s most like Edmund and he’s still to good for this world oh I’m actually gonna k1ll myself because I can’t handle this he’s to good my best boy! I actually would jump off my window if I didn’t have plans in 8 hours and again in a month! Ik just gonna cry about my love for him to I wake up tomorrow for polin season yup that’s it!

Are we sure Colin is a Bridgerton 😂 I’m joking because he’s to good to be one of them but then I remember his dad is amazing and his mom is the kindest most beautiful queen hyacinth is great Fran seems great Gregory Ben seems also great it’s really just the oldest daughter and oldest son And Eloise but she’s just more of annoying self centered bc of her bubble bra* with unchecked entitlement and privilege behavior bc of her other siblings being amazing and parents being world greatest parents whole family is with Daphne Anthony being exception so far!

[winns-stuff]

LO APPRECIATION:

Okay this one is a little unexpected even for me but I really would like to give this appreciation to Helios. Listen, I know the series only gives us bits and pieces when it comes to him but I have managed to soak up every single interaction he has between characters because it’s just so entertaining.

I wish we focused a little more on him I feel like he has a bunch of insight about a few certain gods that normally visit the mortal realm and stuff which I think just makes him 100x more interesting to learn about. I feel like I could read chapters on chapters about him solely (get it? no.. i’ll stop) because I just feel like he has that sorta vibe to him that makes him just so alluring character wise. I really dig it honestly because we’ve been seeing the same content a lot these few seasons and I would really love for Helios to at least get a spin off, I would read it.

Another thing I really enjoy about him is his character design for some reason, I’m not even sure why I just really like looking at it for some reason and it’s just so many little details on it that I enjoy. I think it’s just really fun in general and it’s one of my favorite designs in the whole series, there’s just something so eye catching and charming about it for me that I can’t put my finger on and it just fills me with overwhelming serotonin to see him.

Another thing I really like about him is his interactions with other characters, his dialogue and personality just crack me up every time he’s speaking with the other gods I don’t know why, but I am very glad that he didn’t get the same “exaggerated childish faces = funny” treatment that the main cast is developing because it was never funny for me and it just reminds me of that weird tik tok era where people would do the dumbest and most annoying faces for humor. But I like the fact that his humor feels natural and is more subtle, his dialogue doesn’t need to go out of its way to make the scene funny it’s already funny just because of how natural and relatable it is.

But that’s it for this appreciation, I’m not sure if I made a lot of sense though hopefully I did but I really hope that maybe someday we get a little glimpse of him again but with that glimpse or even chapter I just hope and pray that they won’t ruin his character like they’ve done to other characters recently. If him being forever underrated will keep his character the same and won’t make him insufferable then I’d much rather delete this post just to keep him under wraps. But yeah, really appreciate him a lot.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend since LS premieres tonight, which I know we don't usually have a lot of fanfare for but I'm holding out hope for this season. Let's face it bestie, we could use a win this (TV) year, and the final ever season of RNM was so deeply disappointing (only not reaching the level of being the most disappointing thing ever by the existence of RNM S2), and 6a of OG has waffled between boring and aggrevating (with one or two bright spots), and nothing about 6b we know so far is giving

me much hope (namely that KR is still in charge). So yeah, since Tim's spent all his time on it I would really appreciate LS giving us some serotonin so we can FINALLY get back to our roots and talk songs. Between the 21 episodes of RNM and 6a we've done 3 or 4 songs maybe?? It's depressing. I'd like to finally get good, coherent storylines *double glares at OG and RNM* to flail about. At least I feel confident Tim won't actually have "Tarlos" appear at the Tarlos wedding 🙄🙄🙄.

Hi my friends, and happy Yee-haw Weewoo day! Fingers crossed we will finally get fed some good good food because damn could we use the win. A couple of my RNM s4 posts about m*ria showed up in my notifications recently and I got salty all over again after I’d been doing so well using Vlambase retail therapy to try and drown my frustrations. And I think the fact the 911 fandom is sooo dead right now speaks to the quality of 6a. I’m excited to see if we FINALLY get a good opening knowing that Brad is back and it looked like some cool stuff was being filmed before Christmas, but he also did the s5 premier and even the escaped zoo animals couldn’t compensate for the writing being focused on literally anything but the firefam and saving people during a blackout so I’m trying to manage expectations. The rest though? Lots of recycled ideas, the same writers, and untrained directors doesn’t exactly spark joy or excitement knowing what that has meant during KR’s tenure. Love that the show seems content with continuing to do the same thing over and over and hoping they will get a different result 🙄🙄🙄

But as much as I am a far more casual viewer for LS (I’m usually pretty content with what we get and aside from the Owen-centricity issue I don’t usually have any major complaints) I would be THRILLED if we could finally be given enough to work with to do some songs again! I’m also looking forward to getting a wedding that’s actually about BOTH characters getting married AND where we might get to hear some vows which both RNM AND 911 robbed us of. 

And okay, you KNOW that we are going to go into the wedding episode and see a “Tarlos” banner Nancy made now, right? I can *feel* the jinx happening as we speak...🤣

Anyway, cheers and fingers crossed and all that good stuff! 🥂 I am READY for some easy enjoyment tv and crunching popcorn while people’s lives are in peril. Let’s goooooo!

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[hiddendrabbles]

Hi! I just read your whispers with bruno madrigal and i feel the serotonin flooding!! I adore those meetings where reader only knows the bad rumors about him but when they get to know him falls head over heels! Can i request a sort of follow up to that? Where they could either start dating or it turned into a impromptu confession( your choice) where reader had enough of the whispering around bruno when theyre our together and was like " mi amore, mi vida, mi sueño, mi cariño.... I know you dont like being in the center of too much attention but.... THIS MAN IS A TOTAL SWEETHEART AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE FIGHT ME!" or something like that. Imagine a small s/o ( short gang eyyy 4'11 adult) ready to throw hands at bruno slander! If its ok thank you!! Loved the story!!

whispers w/ bruno madrigal pt 2

yo i’m sorry i’m slowing down on writing! but hello fellow short adult gang!! 5’1 here B)

ending was abrupt but i wanted to post this! so i kinda want to do! a part 3! enjoy <3

Bruno had ended up eventually taking you up on that offer for a cafecito. The cafecito had then turned into dinner at your house. Then a picnic beside a river. After the picnic came dinner with his family. Now, months later, here you were fingers intertwined with his as you both walked to town from his house. Bruno’s other hand was wildly gesturing as he spoke about his newest telenovela plot twist.

“-but it’s forbidden because of his tia’s deal with the pirates! How does that sou- is there something on my face?”

He immediately brought his hand to run it over his cheek, checking for smears of breakfast but finding none. The seer had turned to see you gazing up at him with a soft smile playing on your lips.

“No…well yes. Eres tan guapo, that I got distracted. Perdón mi vida.”

Bruno flushed at your words, ducking his head to hide behind his hair. Grinning, you carefully tucked some of his curls behind his ear and met his wide eyed look.

“Don’t hide, quiero ver esa cara tan bonita.”

Cupping his cheek, you angled his face down so you could reach up and place a soft kiss on his parted lips. You loved hearing his stories and you loved the enthusiasm he had for story telling. It brought out a completely different side of him and it was amazing to see. It left you mesmerized every time it happened. They way he brought every character to life and the time he spent piecing his stories together was something you felt privileged to see. Then, after each performance or each new idea he presented, Bruno would turn to you with shining eyes seeking your approval.

It took every scrap of self control in you to not pounce and kiss him senseless every time he looked at you like that. Instead you made sure to shower him in praises and helped expand his ideas. Like now, he had referenced something that had seemed like an unimportant detail in the first act that had turned into a major plot point. You pulled away from the kiss to speak, your heart melting as he tried to follow your lips.

“The tia’s deal is going to be amazing an amazing callback! I was wondering why you had added that at first. It’s going to fit so well with the pirate captain’s redemption arc we were discussing yesterday.”

Bruno nodded then smiled bashfully. You truly did listen to his ramblings and seemed to enjoy them. When he wanted to act out a scene to see how it would truly play out you were more than willing. One time you’d told him that some of your favorite scenes to act out were where you got to hold him or kiss him. Just remembering that caused his cheeks to burn red. Soft fingers brushing over his cheek snapped him out of his daydreaming.

Brown eyes met yours and your breath caught. He was giving you that look. The look that made you want to pin him to the nearest tree and kiss him him until he was a pleading mess. You could already imagine the whimpers, how warm his skin would be when you slipped your hands under his rauna. He’d arch his back as fingertips ran down his sides, over his ribs, and up his back. Bruno would get overwhelmed so easily and slump against your smaller frame, tucking his face into your neck, breathy moans right by your ear.

“Look. There’s the path.”

His voice startled you out of the vivid daydream, and you cleared your throat loudly pointedly ignoring the questioning look he sent you. The path you’d arrived at took you through the outer edges of the village and straight to your abuelos’ house. You’d met Bruno’s family early on, and they were ecstatic to have you around. He’d met your parents and younger brother. Honestly, your parents…tolerated him. Your hermanito, once he realized what a great storyteller Bruno was, was his biggest fan. Always happy to see him when the older man ventured into the village. Tu abuelo y abuela were the type of people who believed rumors and had a hard time letting go. One way or another you had decided you’d get them to love him.

“Ready cariño?”

Lacing your fingers with Bruno’s, you watched as he took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

“Listo. Sigamos.”

The seer had told you he was still receiving the cold shoulder from most people in the village. Since he wasn’t a fan of small talk, or conversations with strangers, it was hard to clear his name or repair his reputation. You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and lead him through the village, keeping to the shadows as much as possible. From the corner of your eye you could see him start to shrink into himself with every nasty look sent his way. Brushing your thumb along the back of his hand, you kept pulling him along.

“Don’t pay them any mind amorsito. Come on. We just have to pass-”

“Curse bringer! He’s here! Nos maldecirá!”

People had started to point and whisper loudly, while others yelled. Bruno flinched at every accusation and curse thrown his way. His eyes were wide and fearful and your heart absolutely broke for him. In a flash you made your mind up. Stopping so suddenly he ran into your back, you turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek while whispering.

“Mi vida, I know you don’t like too much attention on you. I’ll be quick, te lo prometo.”

With another peck on his cheek you had to stand on your tiptoes for, you whirled towards the crowd that had gathered and raised your voice.

“Cállense! I’m tired of seeing Bruno Madrigal treated like this. Is he not part of the family who has watched over this village since we settled here? Has he purposefully gone around spreading bad news? No! You each individually approach him and brush away his warnings for a bad outcome. Todos están ciegos! When he gives you this unfortunate news he is giving you the opportunity to see the consequences of your actions. To change your own fate!”

Your chest was heaving by the end of your rant, yet you still looked around.

“Usted! Señor Juárez. You blame Bruno for cursing your chickens to be killed by a fox. What you don’t see is that with that warning you could have tried to reenforce the cage and made it safer.”

What a sight you made, your small figure standing protectively in front of the so called ‘evil’ Bruno Madrigal. The star of so many nightmares was staring at you like you’d hung the stars and moon, eyes bright and glassy and he watched you defend him.

The crowd was silent, unsure if they should continue their insults to the Madrigal behind you. The silence was broken by a voice towards the back of the group that gathered.

“You heard them, dejen a esa parejita en paz.”

Your grandparents shuffled towards you both. Standing before you, your abuela patted Bruno’s cheek and linked their arms together, tugging him into motion.

“Let’s go, mijo. The food is getting cold.”

The crowd watched, stunned as the seer was lead away. Everyone dispersed awkwardly, refusing to meet your eyes knowing what you spoke was true. Your abuelo put a hand on your shoulder and smiled.

“You really like him. That fire in you, me sorprendió.”

Smiling back, you ducked your head.

“I was tired of hearing what they said about him abuelo. He’s not like that! You’ll see I prom-”

Waving a hand to cut you off he chuckled and nodded towards the retreating figures of Bruno and your abuela.

“Ya lo se. He’s nothing like what we had heard of. We saw it in how he looked at you. En sus ojos.”

[charleswaterloo]

AGREED DO THE ULTIMATE FIC REC

Thank you so much for asking!! Okay, here we go!

DC fics that I got a few paragraphs into and already KNEW were going to be AMAZING:

1. The Jason Project by loosingletters

Warnings: Major Character Death

Jason had just wanted to see his autopsy report, he had only wanted to know what information Bruce had about his death. And when Bruce hadn't given it to him, he had stolen it. He hadn’t meant to stumble upon the bucket list of a dead child and the footage of a grieving father crossing one item after another off the list.

My thoughts: I don't often cry (which isn't healthy lmao) but this fic made me cry (happy tears!). It is absolutely wonderful and while angsty it has such a beautiful ending. I can't recommend it enough!

2. Little bird by Ididloveyou_once

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tim knew he was fucked if only for the way that his brain was chanting Jason, like a litany. So he definitely didn’t need to hear the cold, mechanical chuckle or the chillingly delighted 'lucky me' to know that this was not good.

He took a second to look down at his coffee mournfully.

Then, he threw it at Hood’s helmet and bolted down the Tower corridor.

Or: Tim is supposed to be at Gotham Academy for a parent-teacher conference. Hood has other plans (Titans Tower AU).

My thoughts: One of the best Titans Tower AU fics I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The ending is to die for and so fluffy - it never fails to warm my heart <3

3. Straight to Voicemail by cabbagetop

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

“Red Hood. I need you to incapacitate Timothy Drake-Wayne.” “Aw, man,” Jason sighs, shouldering through the old wooden doors and out into the street with his books under his arm. “You and half the northern hemisphere. What’d he do this time?”

Jason's phone is blowing up about one Timothy Drake-Wayne (who is Jason's responsibility since when, exactly?). Jason comfort-eats. Jason suffers long. Jason reluctantly tries to keep this Raphus cucullatus of a human being alive, and maybe finds himself sidling back into the family while he's at it.

My thoughts: I was crying with laughter by the third sentence. If you want free serotonin, you will find it here folks, I guarantee it. Brilliantly written and hilarious and such a fantastic interpretation of Jason's character. Please read this lmao <3

4. miss me? by envysparkler

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Jason’s plan to observe his family’s reactions to his resurrection…does not go as intended.

My thoughts: I think I've recommended this one at least once before, but I will do so again because it is one of the best stories I have ever had the honour of reading on AO3. It has a happy ending, but was another fic which actually made me tear up. It is just beautiful and I'm sure some of you have read it before. Read it again even if you have - it's that good.

5. No Pain, All Gain by @sohotthateveryonedied

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Bruce checks Tim’s IV. “Are you in any pain? Do you need more morphine?”

Tim’s pupils are so wide that only the faintest ring of blue can be seen. He watches Bruce the way a five-year-old watches cartoons. “I’m all good, B-dog. All Gucci, like we cool teens say." His words are slurred almost beyond recognition, but Tim doesn’t seem to notice or care. "I could fight Superman right now.”

My thoughts: I know of only about 3 or 4 fics featuring Tim absolutely high out of his mind on some drug or another and this has got to be one of the absolute best of them. Whenever I feel the Depression(TM) crawling in and I need to laugh INSTANTLY I read this. It has not failed me yet. I can't recommend it enough it's so funny and a great read <3 The line below from the fic makes me scream laugh EVERY TIME:

“He’s not in his right mind.” “So? Neither are you half the time but you’re still in charge of everything.”

6. The Ouija Boy by SunnyBlue

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Timothy Drake was a stillborn baby. He was born dead, stayed that way for a solid five minutes, and was then resuscitated in the delivery room. He was a child who grew up alone, but for his imaginary friends. He had so many imaginary friends, in fact, that his parents sent him to get evaluated several times over the course of his childhood, which was spent with Tim as the only heartbeat in that house.

But that didn’t mean he was alone.

---

Tim sees dead people. When a Batboys murder investigation is going nowhere, he realizes his only chance at solving the case is to speak to the ghost of one of the victims. He has to reveal his secret to his brothers -- or risk the killer getting away.

My thoughts: STAND BACK FOR POSSIBLY ONE OF MY TOP TEN FAVOURITE FICS OF ALL TIME. I'm pretty sure I've recommended this one before but I will do so again. The story is impeccable, the mystery is ELITE and everything about it is literally perfect. I re-read this at least once a month so I can bask in its greatness and become a better person for having read it.

7. there but for the grace of god by TheResurrectionist

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

From a tumblr prompt.

AKA, "A Justice League fic where everyone argues about who's the most beautiful and intimidating sexy from the Big Three and everyone has valid points."

My thoughts: I'm going to let the note I added to the bookmark I made of this fic speak for itself. Here's what I wrote: "This was so funny - shoutout Jason for undeniable lad vibes plus the fact he felt he needed to neatly organise and write down the big three's sexiest traits."

8. American Ninja Worrier by DangerBeckett

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

It's just like Tim to give a poor college student a start in the business world. Kid's a bleeding heart, and usually, that's the sort of thing Jason avoids at all costs. He prefers his bleeding hearts on the literal side, and despite Bruce's best efforts, he's never had a head for business.

Unfortunately, though, this time the business is ninjas, and that's the sort of thing that makes Jason take notice. Because Bruce is useless, and someone's gotta make sure Tim's new internship program doesn't take down all of Gotham.

That's Jason's job, after all.

My thoughts: Please GOD just read the first few paragraphs. You'll know exactly what I mean when I say that this fic is it. Hilarious, badass and adorable. I mean, see the title of this fic rec. I just knew this fic was going to be amazing from the first line.

I have many, many more of course, but I'll leave this here for now as it's getting to be a pretty long post. Anyway, these are all fics - short and long! - that I knew were going to be absolutely perfect within the first few moments of reading. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Yellow | Draco Malfoy

Hey lovelies, here’s another Draco. I don’t know why but right now he’s all I have the motivation to write for. I hope you don’t mind! 

Description: Y/n and Draco falling in love with the color yellow and each other

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff!Reader

Warnings: It’s a little angsty, a little smutty, very fluffy, and way too long

Word count: 6k

Tags: FLUFF, angst at times, the ending hints at smut

Tag list: @fashionably-crying​ , @draconisxcaput​

Yes, I’m using this gif again, sue me

Yellow. Sunshine, flowers, freshly pressed gold. Everything that’s eternally happy and pure and good. 

Yellow. Sickness, potions gone bad, poison. Bile when there’s nothing left to throw up. 

Yellow. Kissing, and fighting, and doing. The color of life itself.

The color of the pumpkins growing in Professor Sprout’s greenhouse and of her nails as she writes notes on information long ingrained in her memory.

“Can anyone tell me the name for what is in front of you all right now?” Professor Sprout’s jolly voice rings through the greenhouse and you can’t help but smile as you raise your hand.

Sprout nods at you, a smile on her face too, knowing quite well that you’ll tell her what she wanted to hear and more.

“It’s a cucurbita pepo, also known as a pumpkin. They’re grown during the summer months and then harvested in autumn, just in time for the muggle celebration of Halloween. They are used in cooking quite often however they are rich in tryptophan, which is converted to serotonin upon consumption, which in turn causes fatigue. Thus cucurbita pepo seeds are used in certain forms of the sleeping draught potion. It’s also why we get sleepy after eating pumpkin pie.”

You giggle at the end of your spiel and the sound trickles through the greenhouse and wraps around a certain blonde at the back of the class who is furiously writing down everything you just said. You don’t notice, though, you’re too busy revelling in Sprout’s approving nod. She begins speaking in depth about the facts you shared and you hurry to write them in your journal, the one that you keep specifically for herbology. It’s filled with plants of all kinds, each with detailed notes and sketches that you drew yourself. 

When you flip to your page on pumpkins you begin adding notes you don’t have, just a few details here and there. You aren’t gifted in every subject, not like Hermione, but you are proud to admit that you excel in herbology and know that you will keep the notes you have been working on for many years to come. You brush your sunshine nails across the page as Sprout rattles on about the antioxidants and other nutrients found in Pumpkins. Vitamin A, magnesium, potassium. You already have it all written down.

“Those are well done,” you’re startled by a voice emanating from over your shoulder, “no wonder you’re so good at this class. Your notes are amazing.”

You’re shocked to find none other than Draco Malfoy standing behind you, towering over you and peering curiously at the sketches that you made of some pumpkins a few days earlier. You know the Hufflepuffs share this class with the Slytherins but usually your groups don’t mix. As in they never do. It’s well known throughout the school that Slytherins hate Hufflepuffs. A lot. So it’s only natural that you, one of the softest Hufflepuffs in the school, cower slightly in the presence of the prince of the Slytherins. 

“Oh, um,” you shuffle closer to the table, putting some space between you and him, “thank you, Draco.”

His eyes widen when you say his name and the entire class goes silent. Even professor Sprout ducks her head, stopping her rambling and busying herself with watering a patch of sunflowers behind her. Regret immediately floods your system and you feel slightly sick. Every eye in the class is on you and him, waiting with bated breath to see what happens next. You almost expect him to slap you by the way everyone is acting. You curl into yourself, pulling your hands into your sleeves. You’re undeniably terrified.

What happens next though astounds everyone, most of all you. Draco doesn’t quite smile but his eyes crinkle at the corners and he reaches his hand out, curling his fingers around your shoulder gently. Your head springs up at the contact, fuzzy and spinning. What is he doing?

“You’re welcome, y/n.”

Your cheeks immediately heat at the sound of your name coming from his lips. Since when does he know who you are?

He lets go of your shoulder and looks around the greenhouse, as if noticing the eyes on the two of you for the first time, “what are you all staring at? Mind your own bloody business.”

And just like that the sound and bustle of the greenhouse returns to normal, if not a little more forced and with a few more whispers than before. He nods at you, your entire face burning this time, and walks back to his spot, falling into conversation with his housemates like nothing had happened. 

You run a hand through your hair before returning to your notes, trying to fend off the peppermint scent still clinging to your jumper.

The color of the potion that earns his house ten extra points.

You have never been good at potions class. You can try to blame it on Professor Snape, claim that he has it out for you and is the reason all your potions bubble a puke green and smell of death, but that would just be avoiding the truth. The horrible, disheartening, and cruel truth that is, quite simply, that you are absolute garbage at brewing potions.

Draco, on the other hand, is the best chemist Hogwarts has seen in years it seems. Even better than local witch prodigy Hermione Granger. Again, you could blame it on your professor. You could argue that since Snape was also a Slytherin that he gives special favor to Draco. But that wouldn’t be fair to him. 

You pout from your seat in potions class, watching the clock tick too slowly and too quickly at the same time. It’s much too slow given that this is your last class of the day and dinner is calling your name. It is, however, much too quick as you only have forty minutes left to complete the dreaded invisibility potion. In front of you lay the ingredients, taunting you relentlessly. The invisibility potion is among one of the more difficult potions you have to master before the end of year exam and, so far, you’ve had no luck.

“Well done, Mr. Malfoy. This is the fifth time you’ve completed your potion first and without error. ten points,” at the sound of Snape’s voice, and the cheering from Draco’s housemates, your head slumps, “perhaps now in your spare time you could help Miss. y/l/n. She seems to be having,” he clicks his tongue sharply, “difficulty.”

Your head snaps up, turning to face the blonde boy across the room, your cheeks fiery. His blue eyes, in turn, are wide, much like your own. You’re a deer caught in the headlights of the freight train that is Draco Malfoy. You’re frozen at the thought of having to speak to him and of having him answer you. As he starts to get up, textbooks in tow, you finally thaw. You think back to the greenhouse, and his hand on your shoulder, and feel the color draining from your face.

“Professor that isn’t necessary, I can-” 

Snape silences you with a flick of his wrist, “you can fail on your own instead of take help when it’s offered?”

You just lower your head, mumbling a “no, sir” and pretending to search your textbook. Your heartbeat skyrockets as the blonde boy joins you. He places his own textbook next to yours, his long fingers skimming the pages. Your eyes are drawn to the rings on his fingers and you want to ask him about them but the two of you aren’t close like that and you don’t want to make it more awkward than it already is. The same peppermint scent floats around you, stronger this time. You swallow tensely, feeling once more the eyes of your peers.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble more into your cauldron than to him, “I know you don’t want to help me. You can just pretend if you want and I’ll figure out this mess myself.”

You stare at the bubbling, black potion and hold back the nausea. It is very much not the sunshine yellow that it’s supposed to be. You sigh and tuck your hair behind your ears. You begin crushing chameleon scales in silence. You can feel his stare on the side of your face, searing into your cheekbone. You do your best to stay focussed but you can barely concentrate under the weight of his gaze. Being this close to the Slytherin boy still makes you nervous. What kind of nervousness, that is though, you aren’t so sure. 

You’re startled when he takes the ingredients from your hands, his fingers brushing yours lightly, “I never said I didn’t want to help you.”

You look up at him, meeting his eyes and giving him a soft smile, one that makes his eyes widen and his fingers clench. That’s all it takes for the two of you to begin fixing your botched potion. You work side by side, silently except for when he asks you to hand him some ingredients. It’s hypnotic, watching him take what you ruined and make it all better. You feel almost special for a moment before you shake your head slightly, clearing the silly thought. You don’t notice him watching you from the corner of his eye, his lips slightly turned as he notes how flustered you are.

By the end of the class your potion is it’s proper sunshine yellow again and you feel entirely relieved. Although you can’t help but worry about tomorrow's class and how you’ll have to do it all over again.

As if reading your mind Draco turns to you, his hand on your book preventing you from darting away, “do you want to be partners?”

Oh boy.

The color of the scarf she wraps around him when she finds him asleep in the courtyard. 

It’s mid October and the days have already begun getting shorter. The air is crisp and stings your ears as you walk through the courtyard, admiring the changing leaves during your spare period. You’re the only person there, the chill in the air having deterred the other students from crowding the benches and tree stumps. You don’t mind. You needed a little bit of quiet today.

You’ve been a little out of it all week. Some Slytherins had been making your life a little hard, goading you in the hallways and talking loudly about you whenever you were in ear shot. You have no doubt that it’s about Draco helping you in potions. You don’t talk to him outside of class. Merlin, you barely speak to him in class. You just copy his notes and let him guide you through the potions. You definitely don’t deserve the torment but you can’t do anything about it so you’ve just been trying your best to ignore it.

You take a corner, rounding a rather large oak tree before you suddenly halt. You come inches away from a boy slumped against the base of the tree. His eyes are shut and soft snores fall from his gaped mouth. Upon further inspection, that is noting his green and silver jumper and white blonde hair, you realize that it’s Draco. Your pulse picks up as soon as you see him, your eyes taking in the school books scattered around him. He must have been studying, or trying to at least. 

Your heart aches for him. You wonder what on earth could have possibly made him exhausted enough to fall asleep in the freezing courtyard. As if on cue, the wind picks up and you ring your hands together to create some heat. You move around him quickly, closing his textbooks and piling them next to his bag. You put the cap on his ink bottle and tuck his quill next to it and the books. 

You step away from him. You don’t want him to wake up and have him find you hovering over him. For just a second, though, you admire how peaceful he looks while he’s sleeping. Usually his forehead is creased and his lips pursed. Right now, however, he’s relaxed. He looks his age for once: seventeen and alive. Alive, just asleep. You sigh as you look at the boy, wishing you could wrap your arms around him.

As you go to walk away, you take one last look at his face. Your heart pangs again at his rosy nose and cheeks. His ears are also a bright red, bitten from the cold and definitely painful. You don’t think before you act, you just take the grey and yellow scarf from around your neck and carefully wrap it around his. You make sure it covers his ears and nose, sofly pulling the ends to wrap around his hands as well. 

You take one last look at him. You don’t know what comes over you but you lean down and press a soft kiss to his hair. He smells like green apples today and your heart aches more than ever. 

The color of the first snitch he caught as captain and the color of her sweater from the front row.

It’s the first quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, and you’re more excited than you can say. There have been rumours spreading that Slytherin has a new captain and everyone has been dying to know who. They’ve kept it under wraps, no doubt wanting to stun Gryffindor during the match. The stands around you howl in anticipation, practically vibrating from all the voices speaking at once.

The wind whips around your ears, loud and bone chilling, and you think for a moment to the scarf you left with Draco. You blow in your hands, warming them before wrapping them around your ears. Hogwarts really needs to work on bettering the stands or at least accommodate them for the colder months.

You’re with a few of your friends, each one of you more high on adrenaline than the last. You stand in your bright yellow jumper at the front of the stands, gripping the railing and watching the field for any signs of movement. You’re more excited to see the Slytherin team than anyone else. Perhaps that’s because Draco has been on the team since second year and you now get to stare at him for an entire game, uninterrupted. You shake your head quickly. Where did that come from?

“Y/n, where’s your scarf? It’s freezing out here!” you turn to your best friend, Luna, and give her a small smile, your cheeks red but not from the cold.

Luna has a lion hat on her head and you can’t help but giggle. It’s definitely protecting her from the cold.

“Someone needed it more than I did,” you rub your hands together again.

She smiles at you like she knows you gave it to Draco but that would be impossible. She pulls you into her side, letting you share her body heat again. You speak a little about the upcoming match but ultimately end up doing more teeth chattering than talking. Soon there are trumpets blaring and you can’t stop yourself from leaning against the railing of the bleachers once more, your heart pounding in your chest.

Everyone holds their breath, the only sound throughout the stadium is the howling wind. Your head pounds, not from a headache but from the blood rushing through your body, electrified. You grip the railing right, the cold of the metal stinging your fingertips. The hairs on the back of your neck raise instinctively. They’re so close, you can feel it in your bones.

You blink and the next thing you know the sky is streaked with green, smoke billowing around the players who fly in a tight ‘V’ formation. You squint your eyes, just like every other student and professor around you, trying to make out who is leading the pack. When you catch a glimpse of his white blonde hair your mouth drops. Before you can register what’s happening, you’re cheering like mad. The wind picks up your hair, whipping it around your face as you throw your hands up and scream like you don’t have a care in the world for what anybody else thinks of you. And you don’t, not right now while the boy you think you’re falling for has just been announced as the new Slytherin captain. 

Before you know it Luna has joined in, screaming with you, not for the sake of Draco but because you look like you’re having fun for the first time in weeks. She grabs your hand, waving your arms in the air and shouting into the wind. With the two of you screaming together it’s just enough for Draco to hear over the wind. He turns his head, his eyes easily pulling your yellow jumper from the sea of blue around you. He smirks and your heart stops. Before you can even begin to process the glint in his eyes he’s in front of you, hovering over the railing on a broom that looks like it costs more than your life. He’s biting back a cheeky smile.

You let go of Luna’s hand, stepping towards him, “Draco, you made captain!”

You don’t know where you gained the sudden courage to talk to him like you’re friends but right now you don’t care. All you can see is the boy on the broom, smiling at you like you’ve never seen him smile before. The stands around you roar but you can’t hear them. They don’t exist, not right now at least. 

“You know it, pumpkin,” your heart stops, you mouth gaping at his casual use of a nickname, and he laughs, a real and absolutely mind melting laugh, “I can’t stay but I got something for you. I noticed you look a little chilly.”

He pulls the green and silver scarf from around his neck, wrapping it around yours but keeping hold of the two ends. The stands fall silent but it doesn’t matter, you still can’t see or hear anything but Draco. He tugs on the ends of the scarf, bringing your face inches away from his own. You almost think he’s going to kiss you for a moment. Oh, what you wouldn’t give for him to kiss you right now. Anything, you would give absolutely anything. Instead, though, he leans down and rubs his nose against yours and you giggle easily. 

He lets go of the scarf, flying off to start the game but not before turning around and shouting, “wish me luck, pumpkin!”

You giggle again, your face flushing, “you don’t need luck, Draco!”

He winks and flies to meet his teammates. The game is fast paced and intense. Your eyes stay glued to him the entire time. His nickname wraps around every part of you, his voice echoing in your ears, warming you better than any scarf. You aren’t at all surprised when he catches the golden snitch. No one in the stands cheers louder than you do. 

The color of the bruises on his cheekbone and his knuckles and on Zabini’s fucking stomach.

Your back is pressed against the stoney wall of the castle, his chest almost touching yours. You’re backed into the corner, not daring to even breathe. His breath is hot on your face and you cringe backwards, your head cracking against the hard surface behind you. 

Blaise Zabini pushes you closer to the wall, if that’s even possible, and you feel like an animal, trapped and frantic, “who do you think you are, puff?”

“I-,” you glance around his head, looking anywhere but his murderous eyes, “what are you talking about?”

That is clearly not the answer he is looking for, practically growling in your face, “what did you do to Malfoy?”

“Nothing!” you cower away from him, your blood turning cold at his accusatory tone. 

You squeeze your eyes shut. If he’s going to hit you, you don’t want to see his fists before they land on you. Tears drip down your face relentlessly and you don’t care. They aren’t going to change anything. Blaise Zabini hates you and there is nothing you can do about it. Your mind goes immediately to Draco, something that doesn’t shock you anymore. All you think about these days is him.

Blaise’s breath smells like liquorice and death as he gets up in your face, “stay away from him, y/l/n, or you’ll regret it. I promise you that.”

Just like that, Blaise isn’t touching you anymore. The cold air of the castle wraps around you and you snap your eyes open, watching his retreating form stalk out of the hidden hallway he dragged you into. You sag against the brick behind you, finally letting the full on sobs that you had been holding in rise to the surface. You collapse, sliding down the stone, not caring as it scrapes and rips your shirt as you do so. You curl into a ball, letting all the pain from the last few weeks consume you. 

You get lost in the memories. You see Pansy pushing you down the steps outside of the great hall and Crabbe lacing your soup with a puking potion. You hear all the insults and slurs that have been thrown at you ever since Draco complimented you in the greenhouse and it stings. Your chest and throat and wrists burn and you grip your hair in your fists, hoping that if you just tug hard enough then you can make every bad word said to you and every bruise disappear. Of course you can’t, but if you don’t try then you might lose yourself right here, right now. Well, more than you already are that is.

No matter how hard you tug, you can’t stop the cries from spilling out of your mouth. They mask the footsteps pounding towards you. You slam your fists into the marble floor repeatedly, your palms bruising. Your blood rushes through your ears, muffling the sounds of the castle and everyone in them. You hear your name being called but it sounds like whoever is shouting is underwater. Are they shouting, though, or are you just losing your mind? You hear your name again and you scream. You just want the voices to stop. Please, someone make them stop. 

Gentle hands grab your fists before you can do any more damage to yourself, pulling you into a chest and wrapping two strong arms around your shoulders, “y/n, what’s going on? What happened?”

Draco’s voice is panicked. That’s the only word for it. He sounds absolutely terrified. His voice soothes you for a moment but soon you’re pushing against his chest, Blaise’s words in your ears again. Your palms collide with his chest as you shove him with all strength you have. It isn’t enough. Of course you aren’t strong enough to knock away a quidditch captain. His green apple scent clings to you, wrapped in his arms, and you cry harder. You clutch his shirt in your hands now, clinging to him for dear life. You cry out his name and his heart shatters.

“Y/n please, pumpkin, tell me what happened,” he kisses your hair hard, like he’s hoping it’ll magically calm you down.

And it does, sort of, but only when he trails kisses down the sides of your face and along your cheekbones as well. His lips are like a gift from the heavens, working quickly and easily to draw your attention from your showdown with Blaise and place it on him, and him alone. Soon your sobs have stopped completely. You’re still crying but you can breathe and that’s more than you would have been able to do on your own. When you finally wrap your arms around his neck he stops, pulling his head back to look into your eyes.

You swallow hard when you see his face, more importantly the tears slowly trailing down his creamy skin, “I’m sorry, Draco, you shouldn’t have to see me this way.”

“Stop,” he shushes and runs his hand up and down your back, trying not to grimace when his fingers slide over the rips in your shirt, “I’m just glad I found you. Now tell me what happened so I can’t beat up whoever made you so upset.”

You want to chuckle, because you know he’s trying to make you feel better, but you can’t, because you also know that when you tell him he’ll probably push you away too. You tug your lip between your teeth, looking over his shoulder and then back at him. You squeeze your eyes shut, you can’t look at him while you say it. You can’t see his face when he drops you.

“I don’t think you want to beat up Blaise, Draco.”

He lets go of you. Of course he lets go of you. Your veins sting as the cold air rushes around you again. You clench your fingers into tight fists, your nails digging into your palms. Your throat aches, like you’ve been poisoned and the antidote is walking away. You open your eyes to Draco at the end of the hall, just about to turn the corner. You do your best to choke back the sobs again but you can’t and even if you could what would be the point? He clearly already thinks you’re pathetic so honestly why bother anymore? You need to just let it all out.

When you do though, cry that is, he stops, his shoulders and back going rigid as he listens. He turns quickly and his eyes widen when he sees you. You take a step back, gripping your shirt, or what’s left of it, and smoothing the material beneath your fingers, doing your best to keep it together. This was the final straw, the last kick to a foundation that has already been crumbling, and you’re just waiting for everything to come caving in now so it can take you with it. 

You don’t realise that your eyes are closed until there are hands on your body and you’re forced to open them again, “Draco, what are you doing-”

He smashes his lips against yours, fast and hard and unrelenting. He tastes like peppermint and desperation and, by god, does it breathe a new life into you that you cling to. He pulls your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down exactly where you had. His hands tangle through your hair, tilting your head slightly and tugging. You can feel his rings against your scalp and it’s the epitome of bliss. You have to to grab his cloak to keep from falling over, your entire body clay in his hands. He pulls back, barely so but in any way it’s still too far. 

His lips brush yours as he speaks, his fingers massaging your scalp slightly, “I’ll be back, pumpkin, I promise,” he kisses you hard one more time, “but I really need to go beat Zabini into next month now.”

The color of the fireplace they fall asleep beside on Christmas Eve.

Your dorm is dreadfully empty and you feel a little bit alone, even if it’s only for a week or so. Your parents are renovating the house and decided it was best if you spend the holidays in a place that isn’t covered in dust and smells like paint. You know it’s for the best, and that you more than likely would have been miserable, but the Hufflepuff common room just isn’t the same without it’s usual life. 

You pull a sweater over your head, grabbing your notebook before heading out to breakfast. The corridors are empty and it’s eerie, the only other faces being the ones held in frames. They smile at you as you pass and you wave politely, hurrying to the great hall.

When you step through the grand doors you finally see some real people, but not many. You see Harry Potter and Ron Weasley at the Gryffindor table and a few familiar faces in the Ravenclaw section, but none you know enough to join. You sigh, tucking your hair behind your ears. This is going to be a long week. As you turn to the Hufflepuff table, however, your eyes skim over a familiar blonde head buried in today’s paper. Your heart races as you switch courses, heading straight to the Slytherin table and trying not to lose your nerve.

You round the table, walking up behind Draco and stopping quietly. Whatever he’s reading has his full attention because he has yet to notice you. You take the moment to play with him a little.

You lean down, resting your head on his shoulder and whispering, “broomstick stocks are up three percent. That’s good I hear.”

Draco drops the paper and you giggle as he turns his face to look at you, the shock mixing with something gentler in his blue eyes. He jumps out of his seat immediately, pulling you into his arms and burying his face in your shoulder. You wrap your arms around his neck, lacing your fingers through his hair and melting into his warmth. The worry you felt walking into the great hall disappears at his touch. You press your face to his neck like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Y/n, what are you doing here? I thought you went home,” he mumbles into your shoulder, his lips brushing your sensitive skin.

You hold back the shiver. It takes all your willpower to not tilt your head and give him better access to your sweetest spot. You tighten your hands instinctively, forgetting they’re wrapped in his hair. You don’t mean to tug on the strands, and you almost feel bad about it, but at the noise that leaves his lips you almost do it again. It’s low and primal and, Merlin, you want to hear it again. His arms tighten around you and all the nerves in your body are painfully aware of every place his body meets yours. 

And every place you wish it is but it isn’t.

You clear your throat lightly before you speak, clearing the lump but doing nothing to make your words any less breathy, “I could ask you the same thing, don’t your parents usually hold large parties during the holidays?”

His hands find your hips as you talk and the end of your sentence comes out as a mere whisper. You squeeze your eyes tighter, his touch driving you crazy in the middle of the damn dining hall. It’s not even ten yet! 

“That’s exactly the reason I stayed,” his voice is strained, his hands squeeze your hips and you barely bite back the moan between your teeth, “however, pumpkin, now I see that it’s a fucking gift from Salazar himself that I did.”

You lift your head from his shoulder and meet his eyes, gasping at the sight. His pupils are blown wide and his lip is between his teeth. His hair is mused from your fingers running through it, pulling it, and it makes you want to do it again and again until he does something other than look at you like that. Like he's a starved lion and you’re his next meal. Or maybe you just want to tug until he does something about it.

He squeezes your hips again, harder than the last time, and this time you can’t hold back your moan. It’s quiet, thank Merlin, but he hears it. It wraps around him, like your scarf, and something in him snaps. Soon he’s dragging you into the hallway and you’re tripping on your feet trying to keep up with him. The few people in the great hall openly stare but, as has become your new norm, you don’t care. All you can think about is Draco and all the possibilities of where he could be taking you.

He drags you to an area of the castle you’ve never been to before: the dungeons. Your blood pumps quickly through your veins and you’re filled with adrenaline, each step feeling more like walking on a cloud than the last. His hand in yours is warm and strong, sure of himself and of you and, most importantly, that you want him. He looks at you over his shoulder, smirking at you in a way that makes you almost push him quicker down the halls. You glance around, noting the empty corridor. What is it people always say?

Fuck it.

You stop abruptly and he looks back at you again, only this time concerned. His expression doesn’t last though, probably because you push him against the wall and pull his lips to yours. You have to stand on your tiptoes to reach his face, your palms splayed against his flushed cheeks as you take your turn in pulling his lip between your teeth. You bite down gently and he moans into your mouth, a deep and masculine sound that makes you want to rip his clothes off right here in the middle of the hall. You press your body against his, needing to feel as much of him as you can get. Of course it isn’t enough. It never is.

He pushes back against you, clearly having enough of his passive position. He flips the two of you, pressing you deliciously into the stone behind you. His hands glide along your hips but, unlike in the great hall, they don’t stop there. No, Draco’s hands find your bare thighs and his fingers wrap around them, the cold metal of the rings biting into your soft flesh. You say a silent prayer to whoever up there was looking out for you enough to sway you to put a skirt on this morning. 

His lips are still on yours and, when he all of a sudden lifts you and presses you harder against the wall with his hips, he swallows the moan that rips from your chest, matching it with an equally fierce groan. For the first time all morning he’s exactly where you need him and it’s absolutely breathtaking. You squeeze your legs around him, pulling him as close to you as you can get him. He doesn’t protest, rolling his hips against you and edging your vision with stars.

“Draco, common room. Now,” even as you say it your hands are on his shirt, already working at undoing it.

He wastes no time, rushing down the stairs with you still in his arms, still working on the buttons. He breathlessly murmurs the password before pushing through the door. You grab his face again, hungrily pulling his mouth to yours again as he sets you on a table. His hands find the hem of your jumper, ripping it over your head before tossing it aside. You finish opening the last button quickly, pulling his shirt from his shoulders and dropping it as well. You don’t think twice about letting it hit the ground.

You look back to him and feel breathless, the wild look in his eyes mixing with something so heart wrenchingly soft. His hands smooth up your exposed back, igniting your skin with a fire you’ve never felt before. He leans his face into your neck again, his lips finding where your shoulder and neck meet and pulling your skin between his teeth. The only thing you can think to push past your lips is his name, crying out into the room lit only by some embers in the grand fireplace.

“What do you want, pumpkin. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

You push him back slightly so you can look into his mesmerising eyes, “I want you to make love to me on every surface in this room.”

And he does just that.

Yellow. The color they fell madly in love to.

[multifandomffs]

He remembered my order. | Hotch x y/n

warnings: none really

words: 890

a/n: for some, the reactions may be a little over overexaggerted. just fluff, NO smut. I would be very happy about feedback and suggestions for improvement!

It’s Paperwork day at the BAU, You’ve been stuck on that stupid file for way too long but you know that no matter how hard you try, you can’t concentrate right now so you decide to take a break and pay your boyfriend a little visit in his office. You make a short stop for 2 cups of coffee before you make your way up to Aarons office but it seems like you didn’t quite think the coffee thing through so now ur standing in front of his office with 2 cups of coffee in your hand but no hand to knock which leads to you giving yourself a “Are you serious” look. After some frowning, the door opens and you look up, magically a smile appears on ur face when you see your boyfriend looking at you with a light smile. “You could have just kno-” he didn’t need to finish that sentence because you simply held the coffee under his nose and wordlessly let yourself into his office. “Oh okay, Well hello to you too dear”, he chuckled. Even tho hotch doesn’t say it out loud he is always happy about the little visits from you. “I swear, sometimes I’m still not fully convinced your human, you’re up here ALL DAY, how do you stay concentrated? I mean I’ve been stuck on that stupid file for like 3 hours and I just can’t seem to finish anything and you just go on and o-” your dialogue of Complaintment gets interrupted by a burst of laughter “breathe babe, it’s okay” he sits down next to you and presses a little kiss on your forehead. You just let out a sigh, “I know I’m overreacting but this shit is exhausting”. Instead of him answering with words he takes the cup of coffee out of your hands, leans over and gives you a gentle kiss. You slowly lean into the kiss and you feel the weight falling off your shoulders. Another sigh escapes your mouth, but this times its a way of saying “Thank you, I needed that” After you broke up the kiss hotch has been admiring your face, you get bright red but don't dare to look away “So beautiful...” he whispered before he gives you another quick kiss and then slowly gets up.

“Ya know, the others are probably gonna leave soon, how about we order some chinese food and just finish the rest in my office?” He gives you a comforting, soft look. Since you are drinking from your much needed coffee you can’t answer but hotch is already picking up the phone as he sees your exciting, approving look. “Yes hello, i’d like to order *insert order here lol* and also fried noodles with chicken, we will pick up the order, yes. Thank you” You realise he didn’t even ask what you want. God this man knows me so well, you think to yourself. Without thinking you begin to speak “Damn I am so lucky to have you, ya know?” You stand up and make your way towards him. Your hands find the way around his neck and you have to tiptoe to actually be able to kiss him, but that doesn’t bother you at all. Because if tiptoeing is what you have to do, to be the luckiest Person on this planet, you do that gladly.

He softly kisses you back and it gives you huge, pretty butterflies. With his hands on your waist, and yours still around his neck you make a little distance between the two of you “I love you.” You aren't really big on expressing your feelings but the feeling that just overcame you just made you say it, and to be honest seeing his reaction, you do not regret it at all. He gives you the probably biggest love-filled look you ever saw on someone. His reaction forces a smile on your face and you nearly begin to jump out of joy and serotonin when he says “I love you too.” You don’t know where all of those things suddenly came from but you were just speechless, he didn’t have to ask for your order because he knows you so well and even though it doesn’t seem like such a big thing it makes you forget all the bad emotions you ever felt. After some moments of silence Aaron began to say “As much as I love this right now, I think it's time to pick up our order”. You slowly let go of him and walk out of his office “gladly.”, you smile at the love of your Life. On your way to pick up the jacket from your desk you see the others getting ready to leave. “Bye guys, see you tomorrow”, after giving everyone a quick hug you grab Aarons waiting hand and you walk out of the building.

Fast forwarding, after finishing the paperwork and eating the cold noodles you eventually fell asleep on his couch and got woken up by spencer the next morning, who as always, came in early and wasn’t at all surprised to find you there but was still happy to find you with clothes on, You are pretty sure everyone learned from the last time you and hotch feel asleep on that couch, for very different reasons and definitely not planned.

[etherrreal]

“resentment”

Pairing: oikawa x fem!reader Genre: angst Summary: you used to love oikawa’s determination, his drive, his willingness to give his all and sacrifice everything to get the things he wants. now those are the same things that make you resent him. WC: 6,700 Warnings: lots of angst, explicit language, reader’s kinda petty but so is oikawa, relationship isn’t toxic or anything but it could def be better A/N: shoutout to @shadowkunoichi​ for this request! your ask gave me enough serotonin to last for the rest of the week <3 it’s also important to note that the moment i saw oikawa’s smug ass face on screen my brain and heart immediately went “this the one” so here’s some pain ft. my favorite setter -Dawn

The first few times Oikawa cancels your dates for extended volleyball practice, you tell yourself it doesn’t bother you. You’re disappointed, of course –you barely see him enough as it is, despite living together for three months, despite dating for a total of eight– but it’s not the end of the world. It’s just another compromise you have to make, and it probably won’t be the last.

That’s what relationships are about, anyway, you remind yourself firmly, whenever the silence of your too-big for one person apartment starts to get to you. Compromise.

You’re no stranger to compromise, either. You can’t be, not when you’re dating a pro-athlete. You know better than anyone how talented Oikawa is, how admired. He’s worked so hard, and you’re so proud of him. You may not know much about sports, but you do know that your boyfriend has an amazing career ahead of him.

And while the selfish part of you would like to keep him all to yourself, you also know it won’t always be possible, and you tell yourself you’re okay with that. You love Oikawa, and you support every single one of his dreams, even if doing so means you have to eat dinner on your own sometimes.

It won’t always be this way, you tell yourself. It’s just for now. And it definitely doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

That’s what you tell yourself.

It helps that he’s always sorry about it. You hear it in his voice whenever he calls you to tell you he won’t be home until late, see it in the guilty way his eyes search for yours through the screen when he FaceTimes you to let you know you shouldn’t wait up for him. He’s even more torn up about it than you are most of the time, blowing your phone up with apologetic voice notes and text messages with too many emojis.

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: babe 😔😔

[you]:: yes baby?

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: 😔😔😔😔

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: 😩😩😭😭

[you]:: oh boy

[you]:: you’re not gonna be home in time for dinner, are you?

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: i don’t think so 😩😔 we have that game coming up so we’ll be practicing all night

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: i’m so sorry baby ☹️☹️ but i’ll have to miss dinner again 😭😭

[you]:: it’s fine, i’ll just find someone else to share my chicken with

[you]:: speaking of, u have ushiwaka’s #? i wanna see something

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: STOPPPP 😭😭 i’m sorry!!!

[you]:: allegedly

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: stop 😭😭 i mean it!! i love you pls don’t hate me 😩☹️

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: i’m really sorry babe ☹️☹️

[you]:: if ur apology doesn’t include dollar signs then i don’t wanna hear it

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: check ur email

[you]:: ??

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: 👀😇

You check your email, and sure enough, there’s a gift card there to your favorite clothing store, along with a note that reads “financial compensation for putting up with me <3 also if u ever share chicken with ushiwaka i’ll cry and then die so pls don’t.” It makes you laugh so hard you forget about being upset with him in the first place.

[you]:: i was joking!! u didn’t actually have to send me anything u weirdo

[pretty (annoying) boy 💙 ]:: i know 😇😏😘

And when he does make it home that night with an apology on his lips, a bouquet of flowers, and a promise that he’ll make it up to you, it’s hard to do anything else besides forgive him. Because you know that no matter how crazy both of your schedules are, no matter how lonely you might feel without him at your side, he loves you more than anything, and you love him as much in return. And for a while, that’s enough.

Until it isn’t.

You’re thankful to have successfully made it through your first year of grad school with just a caffeine addiction and minor bags under your eyes, but not having to attend your classes or meet with your professors over the break means you’re at the apartment a lot more. You still have your job, but it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore Oikawa’s absence.

It’s not just dates he’s missing anymore. It’s family events, outings with your friends, getaway trips the two of you planned weeks in advance.

You know it’s not his fault. He has things he wants to accomplish, goals he set for himself long before he met you. The Olympics are coming up, and he needs to be ready. You can’t blame him for staying late to get in some extra practice, or for having to attend events with his teammates and his fans instead of you.

You can’t blame him for any of it, at least not without feeling selfish and unsupportive, and somehow that just makes it worse.

It takes you longer than you’d like to admit to build up the courage to talk to him about it. You almost don’t want to bring it up at all, but after weeks of missed dates and apology bouquets, of waking up without him and going to sleep before he gets home, you crumble. You don’t think you can keep grinning and bearing it anymore, not without starting to resent him.

You confront him while he’s sitting at the kitchen island in the middle of your shared apartment. It’s rare he doesn’t have a game on the weekend, even rarer he gets to spend the afternoon with you. It almost makes you reconsider –will this ruin your time together?– but you hold fast. You know that if you don’t bring it up now, then you probably never will, and you’re not sure you can take that much more silent heartache.

Oikawa, for his part, does well to listen as you speak. He watches you intently, pretty brown eyes soft and searching, as you tell him about how neglected you’re feeling, how lonely.

You know he’s not doing it on purpose. You know he’s meant every single one of his apologies, and that this is what you signed up for when you agreed to be in a relationship with him. And you love how driven he is, how determined he is to succeed.

You just...you miss him. That’s what it boils down to in the end: how much you miss him. You miss him now more than that time he left to spend a month back home in Japan while you stayed in Argentina, despite the fact that you’re in the same country this time, despite the fact that you share the same apartment. It shouldn’t be possible, but it’s true.

“I know your career is important, and I would never try to get in the way of that,” you tell him, quietly, tiredly. There’s an exhausted air around you he’s never seen before, the kind of whispered sadness that breaks his heart. “But sometimes, Tooru...sometimes it feels like I’m dating a ghost. And I’m not mad at you, or angry, I’m just...lonely.”

You finally look at him, and the emotion in his eyes startles you. He’s actually tearing up –“you’re such a crybaby,” you like to tease him when his eyes water during sad movies, but you always comfort him anyway– and it’s enough to make your eyes fill with tears, too. He looks so sad, so broken, like knowing he’s hurt you –even if it’s been completely unintentional– hurts him too.

He’s quick to stand and walk over to you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. You return the embrace, resting your head against his chest while one of his hands moves to cradle the back of your head.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers into your hair, and you can tell by the way his voice shakes that he means it. “I know things have been crazy lately, but that’s no excuse for leaving you here alone. I never want you to feel like you’re anything besides the most important person in my life. I love you so much, and I promise I’m going to fix this. Things will get better, I swear.”

And in that moment, you believe him. You trust him, after all, and you know he doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. So you let him mumble reassurances into your hair, let him kiss your breath away and shower you in the affection you’ve been missing for far too long.

It’s so easy to get lost in it, lost in him. Too easy.

He’s always been like that; charismatic and witty, magnetic and charming. It doesn’t help that he’s totally gorgeous, too. You knew, from the moment you met him, that if you ever let yourself fall in love with him, you’d be in trouble. It’s why you never took any of his advances seriously, at least not in the beginning.

But he was able to chip at your resolve with every teasing smile and playful wink, every reverent touch and whispered words meant just for you. He let you get to know him; the real him, not that flippant and perfect pretty boy facade he presents to the rest of the world, and so of course you fell for him, because how could you not?

Oikawa is stubborn and prideful, exhausting and even sometimes petty, but he makes you feel like you’re the strongest person he knows. He looks at you like you’re the only one he’ll ever want to see. He makes you laugh and keeps you on your toes, and you know right away –before you moved in together, before you told him you loved him– that you will never love anyone the way you love him, because no one else will ever be able to compare.

That’s why it’s so easy for you to believe him now. Because you know he loves you and that you love him, and the two of you are determined to make this relationship work. So when he promises that things will change, that he’ll be more present from here on out, you believe him.

It’s the first promise he’s ever made to you that he doesn’t keep.

For every event Oikawa does bother to make it to, he misses two more. Your parents, who adore him, wonder why they never see him anymore. Your friends start to ask if you even still have a boyfriend. You find yourself asking the very same thing.

You stop inviting him to events at your university and lunches with your friends. You don’t want to set yourself up for disappointment anymore, and you figure it’s easier to just save yourself from the inevitable. The apology gifts he gives you start to feel hollow, empty, just like your apartment. You stop opening them, letting them pile up in the corner of your living room. Eventually, he stops giving them to you.

You’re not sure if you’re thankful for that, or if it upsets you even more.

The Olympics get closer each day. Oikawa’s practices become more intense and even longer than they already were. There are so many things he needs to do now: games to play, meet and greets to attend. Sometimes if he’s out too late he just doesn’t come home at all. The team sets him up at a hotel, and he stays there for the night instead.

It gets harder to catch his scent on his pillow where it lays beside you in bed, untouched and forgotten. It should hurt you more, but it doesn’t.

There’s an event being held back in Japan, promising a night of drinking and dancing and schmoozing. All the investors and international players and coaches will be there, and you promised a while back to be Oikawa’s plus one.

The vindictive part of you wants to cancel on him, just so he knows how it feels, but you decide you can put your pettiness aside for a few nights if it means free booze and food and a comfortable stay at some ridiculously fancy hotel. You wonder if that’ll be enough to fill the hole he’s made in your heart.

Besides, you want to remind him that you’re the kind of person who keeps your word, even if he’s not.

The flight is long and exhausting. So is finding your hotel and forcing yourself to get dressed, but you get through it. Oikawa looks unfairly stunning in his suit, but you try not to notice. He arrives at the party with you on his arm, wearing a silky gown that matches his tie and jewelry that glitters whenever it catches the light.

You’ve barely talked to each other the whole way here, but at the party, amongst his teammates, old rivals, and friends, you’re the perfect couple. You smile, laugh, and dance exactly when you’re supposed to. You play your role so well that no one notices how numb you are, not even Oikawa, even though he’s supposed to know you better than anyone else.

Maybe that’s why you find yourself at the open bar. Oikawa’s off mingling with god knows who, swamped by dozens of people who are always seeking his favor, trapped in his orbit. They praise his hard work, his tenacity, his determination. Once upon a time, you would’ve done the same.

But things are different between you now. What used to be Oikawa’s endearing stubbornness is now an outright refusal to meet you halfway. His determination to be the best has become an inability to compromise; his passion has become obsession. It’s strange to think how all the things that used to make you love him now just make you resent him.

But the liquor here is free and flowing so you knock it back like water, and it’s almost enough to make you forget your heartbreak, your anger. Almost.

All the drinking eventually sends you to the bathroom. You touch up your makeup as best as you can and wash your hands with one of the several different soap options, exiting the bathroom noticeably drunker than you were when you went in.

You’re off-balance enough that when you run into what feels like a brick wall but is actually just a tall, broad-shouldered man, you stumble and nearly fall over. He reacts quicker than you do, catching your elbow and steadying you back on your feet.

He asks you if you’re all right and you reassure him that you are. You swear you’ve seen his face before, but you’re too tipsy right now to bother to remember where.

“I appreciate the help,” you say sincerely, patting his shoulder. “But I promise I’m okay. Thank you again, really.”

He gives you a look like he doesn’t believe you, and he’s proven right approximately five seconds later, when you turn on your heel to leave and nearly fall over again. Once more, he’s there to catch you.

You try to convince him that you’re okay; you’re just a little bit tipsy from all the champagne earlier, but he guides you to one of the stupid velvet couches in the hallway and makes you sit down. He tells you to stay there and wait for him, and you want to protest but he’s already gone before you can make any real sort of argument.

When he returns, it’s with a bottle of water, which you sheepishly accept. He stays with you as you drink it, and your vision and stomach start to settle. You thank him again for all his help. He tells you it’s no big deal, and when he introduces himself as Ushijima Wakatoshi, you laugh so hard you almost spit water all over yourself.

Ushijima raises an eyebrow at you. “Is there something about my name that amuses you?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” It takes more effort than it should, but you’re thankfully able to force yourself to stop laughing. Talk about ironic encounters. “It’s just– I’ve heard of you before.”

“Are you a fan of volleyball?”

You resist the urge to snort, sending him an amused smile instead. “Something like that.”

The two of you chat for a little while, and it’s a surprisingly pleasant conversation. You quite like his company, and you appreciate how he’s willing to keep an eye on you solely out of the kindness of his heart, just to make sure you’re really okay. It’s hardly necessary anymore –the water’s doing a great job at sobering you up– but it’s a nice distraction from the reason you started drinking in the first place.

Or it was, until you start to hear that very same reason calling your name from somewhere down the hall. His voice gets closer and closer, and you shut your eyes, bracing yourself.

“What the hell?”

You open your eyes and suddenly Oikawa is in front of you, eyebrows drawn together and lips pulled into a deep frown. You can only imagine what you look like to him right now, low-eyed and tipsy and sitting on a couch next to his oldest rival.

You can already see the anger in his eyes, the suspicion. He’s jealous, and it’s absolutely ridiculous because he has no right to be. Not after ignoring you for so long. Not after reminding you over and over again that when it comes down to it, you’ll always be second place to his career.

You haven’t been flirting with Ushijima, but now you wonder if maybe you should have. There’s a bitter part of you that wants to hurt Oikawa as much as he’s hurt you, even if it’s only for a moment.

Ushijima seems completely oblivious to the situation, which you’re sure just infuriates your boyfriend even more. He’s described to you in great detail how one of the things he finds most frustrating about Ushijima is how completely and utterly unbothered he is by everything.

“Oikawa,” the man closest to you greets, standing up. “It’s good to see you.”

“Ushiwaka.” The smile your boyfriend directs to his old rival is tight-lipped and void of any of its usual warmth. Oikawa’s gaze settles on you next, eyes narrowing even further. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Come on, let’s go.”

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is plain, dull, as you tilt your head at him mockingly. “Do I know you?”

“Stop being cute.” The way he practically snaps it makes it clear he doesn’t think you’re being cute at all. In fact, he actually looks pretty pissed, and you almost smile at the realization. As petty as he can be, it’s clear you’re better at this than he is. “It’s getting late. It’s time for us to leave.”

Ushijima’s gaze slides over to you. “Do you know him?”

But you’re not looking at him. You’re looking straight at Oikawa, at the tenseness of his shoulders, the way he’s on the verge of fuming. Apparently, just the idea of you being alone with his oldest rival is more concerning to him than the fact that you’ve barely spent any time with each other in the past two months. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

“Of course.” You stand, closing the short distance between yourself and Oikawa. “He’s my boyfriend. My loving, devoted, perfect boyfriend.”

You place the hand that’s not holding your water bottle against his chest, perching on your toes to deliver a sweet kiss to his cheek. When you pull away, the stain of your lipstick remains, and you wonder if he can feel the resentment in it.

“I just forget sometimes, is all. You know, since we never see each other.”

You don’t bother to examine the look on his face. You can’t find it in yourself to care anymore. You turn to Ushijima instead, offering a tired but genuine smile.

“Thank you again for your help, Ushijima. It was a pleasure to officially meet you. Have a good night.”

You turn on your heel and walk away, down the hall and past several magnificent paintings, past any apology you would normally be ready to offer. It’s petty and deliberate, the kind of reaction you didn’t think you were capable of before this, but it’s all you have left. Oikawa doesn’t care, hasn’t cared for a while actually, so neither will you.

You don’t know what he says to Ushijima or if he even says anything at all, but you do hear his footsteps when he runs after you. They slow as he gets closer, but you don’t stop walking, don’t turn back to look.

“Are you fucking kidding me? What– what the fuck was all that back there, huh?”

You stop. Slowly, you turn to look at him, but you don’t say anything. You just stand there, watching, waiting, feeling absolutely nothing as you do.

“‘It’s a pleasure to meet you.’” It’s a poor imitation of your voice, but the intention is there. “So what, I don’t spend enough time with you and suddenly it’s okay for you to flirt with someone else?”

You laugh without humor. “That’s what you’re stuck on? The fact that I had a conversation with him and not the part where I said we never see each other? You truly have a gift, Tooru.”

The frown on his face deepens, but the anger in his eyes softens a little, replaced by a hint of guilt. There’s regret there, too, over not keeping the promise he made to you. You would be more moved by it if you weren’t so completely infuriated right now.

He closes his eyes, letting out a sigh. “I’m not going to have this argument with you. Not here.”

“Where should we have it then, hm? In the lobby? At the hotel? We’re damn sure not having it when we get home, because you’re never fucking there!”

You don’t mean to scream at him, but that’s what comes out. You’re not sure which one of you is more surprised by it. Oikawa stares at you, wide-eyed and stunned, as if you’ve just slapped him, and you stare back, breathing hard. You’re so focused on each other you don’t even notice you have an audience until you hear a new, familiar voice speak.

“Hey.” Iwaizumi steps between you, concerned and cautious.

He’s the only one here, thank god, but his appearance reminds you that this is definitely not the time or the place for any of this. You shouldn’t care who overhears you, but as angry as you are, you’re not selfish enough to air out your relationship’s problems in front of all of Oikawa’s friends and colleagues. You still love him, after all, even if it’s hurting you to do so.

Iwaizumi casts a wary glance between you and his best friend, almost like he’s preparing himself to play the unwilling referee in what seems to be an inevitable fight. Any other time, you might’ve laughed at the look on his face, but not now. “Everything okay, you two?”

It’s not. It hasn’t been for a while, and right now Oikawa’s looking at you like he’s finally realizing that too.

The car ride back to the hotel is eerily silent. You and Oikawa share no words, no fleeting glances; you don’t even sit close enough to touch each other, not even accidentally. The ride up to your floor is spent in a similar fashion, a cold distance settling between you that’s never been there before.

Or maybe it’s been there for a while, and it took you screaming at him in the middle of a party for the two of you to notice it.

Miraculously, you make it into your room in one piece. The two of you remove your coats and shoes in that same suffocating silence. You make it to the bedroom without exchanging a single word, and he takes a seat on the bed while you sit in front of the vanity and begin removing your jewelry.

Another long stretch of silence later, and then he’s meeting your eyes in the mirror to ask, “Can we talk?”

You consider telling him to go fuck himself instead, but somehow you bite down the urge.

“About what?” You take off your necklace, a pretty golden chain with your birthstone on it that he got you for your birthday. “About how I wasn’t flirting with Ushijima? Because I wasn’t, if that’s what you’re still so torn up about.”

“I know you weren’t,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair. It’s a bit longer than you remember; that’s how long it’s been since you’ve really gotten the chance to look at him. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“I do. You were jealous.” Your earrings are the next to go, another gift from him. He’s scattered himself into so many pieces across your life; you’re not sure how you’ll ever be free of him, or if you’ll ever want to be. “But you had no reason to be. I would never do that to you.”

“I know.” He looks down, fidgets with his fingers, meets your gaze again through the mirror. His tie is loosened around his neck, making him look disheveled in just the way you like. “I’m sorry.”

“Great.” Your tone is short, clipped, as you finally remove the last of your jewelry. “Is that all?”

“Please don’t do that. I’m trying to have a conversation with you here, so that we can fix this. I mean, don’t you want to talk about everything, especially after tonight?”

“I’ve already said everything I needed to say, Tooru.” You break your gaze from the mirror, turning to glance over your shoulder at him instead. “You know exactly what the problem is, just like I know you won’t do a single thing to change it. You can’t, because my feelings –our entire relationship– all of that stuff’s always going to come second to the things you want.”

The frown from earlier is back now, this time paired with a hard look, like he can’t believe you’re questioning his commitment, even though he’s given you dozens of reasons to do so. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” You rise to your feet, a dry, humorless laugh escaping your throat as you do. “Tell that to the countless dates you’ve missed. Tell that to the bed you hardly sleep in anymore, to all the times I’ve fallen asleep without you and then woken up only to realize you still weren’t there.”

The words feel heavy and bitter on your tongue, your anger growing the more you think about everything you’ve endured over the past few months, all the different ways he’s managed to disappoint you.

“There’s nothing untrue about it, Tooru. You just don’t care about me the way I care about you.”

“Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me I don’t care about you?” he demands. “Of course I care. I love you, dammit. How could you ever think I don’t?”

“How couldn’t I? God, have you seriously not heard a single thing I’ve said this entire time? I’m practically in this relationship by myself, and you’re doing absolutely nothing to change that!”

“You think I like having to leave you on your own so much? You think it doesn’t break my heart seeing the look on your face every time I have to tell you I can’t make it to all the things I want to be there for?” He’s on his feet now, hand jabbing at his chest, like if he could rip out his heart and show you the scars there, he would. “Because it does, okay? It makes me fucking miserable, but what else am I supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to be there, Tooru!” You don’t know when you started crying, but you are. You’re yelling too, hands shaking, voice raw. “You’re supposed to be there when I need you, not make stupid promises you can’t keep! And even if you can’t be there all the time, you’re at least supposed to try!”

“I am trying! I’ve been trying this whole time, and you know that!” He sounds as exasperated and raw as you do, waving his arms around, red-faced and distressed. “You knew what my goals were before we started dating. I never hid them from you. You knew exactly what I wanted, you knew how hard I would have to work, how hard it would be for us, and you agreed to be with me anyway! You promised me you wouldn’t let it come between us!”

“Well, that was before I knew how fucking impossible it would be!”

There’s nothing productive being exchanged between the two of you anymore. You’re just screaming at each other. You call him obsessed and self-absorbed; he calls you needy and demanding. He tells you to grow up and stop asking for so much, and you tell him he’s chasing a pointless dream.

You’re not trying to compromise with each other, or trying to make the other see your point of view. You both just want to hurt each other, and you do.

You’re crying by the end of it; so is he, but you both refuse to admit defeat. It’s one of the many things you have in common: your stubbornness. You’re out of breath and hurting and there’s a small part of you that just wants him to hold you, but at the same time, you can’t stand the sight of him anymore.

You storm out of the room before he gets the chance to, looking back to catch him throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. You throw yourself onto the couch and opt to sleep there for the night, because you know that if you don’t, you’ll probably end up strangling each other.

Oikawa, for once, is wise enough not to follow you, but there’s a quiet voice inside your heart that wishes he did.

You wake up the next morning with a stuffy nose and a migraine. The price of crying yourself to sleep, you suppose. Your appetite is gone but you know that if you don’t eat anything soon the pain behind your skull will only get worse, so you force yourself to stand from the couch.

You step on something hard, eyes widening at the indignant noise of protest it lets out in response. You lose your footing almost immediately, toppling over onto the carpet. It’s everything you can do to throw out your hands and avoid smacking your forehead against the coffee table.

“What the fuck, Tooru?” You scowl when you realize it’s not a random object you’ve tripped over, but rather your own boyfriend, who for some inconceivable reason is laying on the floor beside the couch. “It’s bad enough we spent last night fighting– now you’re trying to kill me, too?”

“I could say the same thing to you!” Oikawa exclaims, returning your scowl with equal exasperation. He’s rubbing at his chest, a pout tugging at his lips as he groans. “You just stepped on my chest. I could have died.”

“Oh, bite me, drama queen.” You roll your eyes, preparing to stand up again, but then you notice the dark circles on his usually flawless skin, the messiness of his hair, and the fact that he’s still wearing his suit from last night, though the tie is gone and the first few buttons of his shirt are loosened. “...did you actually sleep out here? On the floor? Why didn’t you just sleep on the bed like a normal person?”

“I couldn’t.” He pouts even more, and when you nudge his leg with your foot, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “It didn’t feel right without you. It never does. But it felt even worse after last night.”

It melts your heart, you admit. Just a little. But it’s not enough to make you forgive him or to forget your argument, and right now he’s looking at you like he knows that too.

Still, you feel the urge to remind him, “I’m still pissed at you.”

“I know. I’m really sorry. Not just for what I said last night, but for everything I’ve done before that. I never should’ve made you feel like you’re asking for too much, because you’re not, it’s just…” He takes a shaky breath, leans his head back against the couch from where he sits beside you on the floor. “...it’s hard.”

He turns his body slightly so he’s facing you fully. He starts to reach out a hand towards you, almost like he wants to cup your cheek, but he seems to think better of it and lets his hand drop down between you. You almost smile.

His eyes are hesitant as they meet yours, apologetic. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you, either.” You fiddle with the straps of your gown where they’ve slid down your arm. You were so exhausted and upset after your fight with him that you didn’t bother to change out of it. “...do you really think I’m needy and demanding?”

“Of course not,” he answers easily. “Do you really think I’m chasing a pointless dream?”

“Definitely not. Your dream isn't pointless, Tooru, it’s amazing, and it’s one I know you can reach.” Your hands brush where they rest between you. He tenses slightly, like he’s not sure you’ll want to touch him after everything, but you slide your fingers through his and watch as he lets out a quiet sigh of relief. “I was just angry.”

“Me too.” He squeezes your hand, and you let him pull you a bit closer to him, let him press a kiss to the back of your palm. “I don’t want to fight with you. And I definitely don’t want to disappoint you anymore.”

“I don’t want to blame you or resent you anymore, either.” You inch closer and he lets you rest your head against his shoulder, resting his own against yours in return. A clock ticks on the wall behind you. For the first time in a while, it feels like the two of you are back in sync. “So what are we gonna do about it?”

It’s the million-dollar question, it seems. And it’s the one that, after weeks of heartache, of missing each other and blaming each other at the same time, he finally has the answer to.

When you return to Argentina together, everything changes. Oikawa’s determination goes back to being something you love, now that he’s putting it towards making sure the two of you get to spend time together. He’s at the apartment more; does his best to get to dinner on time, to attend outings with your family and friends, and to meet you halfway at fancy restaurants and magnificent museums and shower you with his undivided attention.

It’s not perfect. He’s still busy, so he can’t be with you all the time, but the effort is there. You see it now more than ever, and it’s all you’ve wanted.

It doesn’t last.

You spend three blissful months together, both of you putting in an equal amount of effort to make it work, to understand each other and support each other, even when it seems impossible. But Oikawa’s schedule becomes more and more unyielding as time goes on, and it’s not long before the cycle of absence starts all over again.

If you had to really pinpoint the beginning of the end, you’d say it’s the night of your presentation. The research project you’ve spent countless hours working on has finally been completed, and tonight you’re going to share it with the public; this thing you’ve struggled with since you entered grad school, this thing you’ve put your blood, sweat, and tears into, both metaphorically and literally.

It goes incredibly well, as your professors and mentors reassured you it would. Your classmates, friends, and parents are all there, and they get to watch and glow with pride as the room erupts into applause once you finish your presentation, knocking the whole thing out of the park just like they knew you would.

The only one who isn’t there is Oikawa, despite you telling him about this ages ago, despite it being written on the calendar hanging on your fridge. You know he texted you with some excuse, but you don’t bother to check which one it was this time.

It should hurt more. It should make you want to shout and scream, to sob and cry, but it doesn’t. The anger you felt before, the fury and heartbreak; it’s not there anymore. It’s gone. You’re not sad or upset or disappointed. You just don’t feel anything at all.

Your friends offer to take you out for the night to celebrate, but you politely decline. Instead, you make your way to the apartment you share with Oikawa, finding it emptier than it’s ever been before.

Months ago, you might’ve cried. Now you do nothing, say nothing, feel nothing. It’s just numb.

By the time Oikawa does make it home, you’re already packed. You’re sitting at the table, waiting, still as a statue. He greets you in a flurry of brown hair and frantic movement, an apology you don’t care to listen to fast on his lips. He whirls by you so quickly he doesn’t even notice your bags stacked next to you.

“Shit, baby, I’m so sorry! I know I’m late, but I’m here now and I promise I won’t be going anywhere for the next few–…”

It takes him a few moments, a couple of double-takes, but finally, he registers the silence around him, the sight of you at the table, surrounded by your things. For once, he has no idea what to say; you see it in the way he looks at you, the way he freezes, wide-eyed and almost afraid.

“My research presentation was today,” you start. “It went great. They’re going to publish it in a journal.”

You watch his face crumple right before your eyes, watch the way his shoulders slump. He looks more defeated now than during any of his previous losses, and so, so incredibly guilty.

“But I thought it wasn’t until–...but it was, wasn’t it? Oh, god. I– I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

You stand up. The smile you send him is tired and a little sad, but it’s not bitter, at least not anymore. You’re past that now. You’d like to think you both are.

“I’m so proud of you, Tooru. You work harder than anybody I’ve ever known. I just know you’re going to reach every single one of your dreams.”

You mean it, too. Oikawa has an incredible future ahead of him. You’ve always known that. Once upon a time, you believed you might be a part of it, but not anymore.

“...but I also know that I can’t be with you when you do. I can’t– I won’t be second place for the rest of my life.”

He’s incredibly stubborn, and this time is no different. He tries to change your mind, tries to convince you to stay, but it’s far too little and far too late. Too much has happened between you two, and you just don’t have it in you to be disappointed anymore.

You love him. You do. You always will, and you tell him so, too. But just because you love someone, you remind him softly, doesn’t mean you’re meant to be with them. You love him enough to let him go, and you’re hoping he loves you the same.

“But you promised you’d stay,” he whispers, more heartbroken than you’ve ever seen him over all of this, over you. “You promised we’d figure it out. And now...now you’re just giving up on us?”

You place your keys on the table. The clock in your– no, his kitchen ticks along. It matches the slow, broken beating of your heart. He’s run out of time, and you’ve run out of chances.

“That’s just it, Tooru. I have nothing left to give you.”

This time when you leave, you don’t look back.

Written by: Dawn

[bottombaron]

spoilers for what if...?

some quick thoughts on the first Marvel What If...? episode that are almost all Bucky related big surprise:

i froth at the mouth at any small moment of pre-ws!Bucky like a stranded survivor of a shipwreck. yes pls all of it, i need more. my desire to know who traumatized characters were pre-trauma is like an un-quenchable thirst.

that being said, i'm loving the idea the Bucky was just...a big fucking himbo. a nerdy silly himbo. there's nothing more satisfying than a super pretty competent person wowing you with some big time dork energy.

his lines were so groan worthy which is why i loved them. looking back it's a pretty obvious choice to make Bucky Barnes pre-Winter Soldier just Bucky Barnes from the comic books. he tells bad jokes, he's a damsel in distress, he's there for a reaction shot or two, and best of all he's got the worst one-liners.

my kingdom for Bucky of today going back to his bad one liners, honestly i would pay marvel to have Bucky throw a knife in someone's face, blood is everywhere, and he just goes, "knife to meet you." (Sam is floored. he goes through the 5 stages of grief in ten seconds and ends up laughing so hard his lungs hurt. redwing has it recorded and sam revisits it when he needs to)

the part where Steve gets back into the Hydra Smasher and falls on his face is peak stevebucky tho. Bucky is unconcerned, makes light of it, and there's even some light teasing. i have to highlight this for the purpose of Bucky's characterization in fanfic in terms of how he treats Steve, especially pre-serum Steve: he doesn't baby him. he doesn't mother-hen or overprotect Steve. he knows Steve is tough, he's spent years picking him up off of alleyway pavements, he's not going to act like a helicopter mom.

which i really appreciate because i'm tired of the treatment of Bucky as not also being a reckless kid in this war. Steve and Bucky don't have the dynamic of the Reasonable Adult and their Troublesome Kid i've seen sometimes in fic. they're both hooligans. Bucky comes off as the more cautious one sure, but it's just slightly. and that very slight difference gets overblown sometimes which feels disingenuous to a character that's in his 20s (like do you know bros in their 20s,,,do you?? they're still trying to run up walls and do backflips. they still think they're invincible. 20 year old men are the stupidest people on the planet. and i can say that as a man almost 30) and, by all accounts, ran mayhem in Brooklyn right next to his best friend.

just. don't forget Bucky Barnes is a young stupid pretty himbo okay?

speaking of disingenuous characterizations: what was that hetero bullshit with Peggy being more distraught over Steve's 'death' than Bucky????

are.you.kidding.me.

i feel this righteous anger burning over this, which i'm sure will come to a bigger rant at some point but really? fucking really?

this is it. this is what straight people do. this is the straight agenda.

this isn't even just about Steve and Bucky they do this kind of bullshit all the time in media: character 1 has a long-lasting deep friendship with character 2. character 1 has a romantic subplot with character 3. character 1 and 3 barely know each other. character 1 dies and character 3 is somehow more distraught about this than character 2.

i fully expected Bucky to start trying to climb down the mountain to find Steve but nope!

he's just 'oh nooo~ he ded. whelp lets go hoes'

while the woman who knew Steve for maybe a few months is doing the Darth Vader 'noooo' moment

this does not make any character, story, or emotional logical sense. there's no fucking reason for this bullshit than blatant homophobia.

like fucking fine, lets not see Steve and Bucky interact in any way because I WONDER WHY

but even better

lets have Bucky not really emote over Steve's death, because a. that's gay, we don't want people to think we write gay characters (don't worry marvel we don't) so two men can't care or mourn for each other onscreen. and b. we've got our hetero romance to sell

Peggy Carter is a professional military woman. with experience.

Bucky Barnes is some kid from Brooklyn whose been fighting in a war he's been drafted in for maybe some handful of months.

but sure. yeah. his childhood best friend dying. he's the one whose going to have the professional cool head in this moment.

and it's the PROFESSIONAL MILITARY WOMAN whose going to forget her job and training and need to be pulled from grieving BY THE MAN WHO'S BEST FRIEND JUST 'DIED'

SURE JAN SURE

it's the homophobia that betrays the logic of the characters that really fucks me up y'know?

if you're betraying the honest emotional reactions of story and character because you're afraid of those things being perceived as gay: you're homophobic.

it's really that simple.

'i'm in. for Steve' lol. like god. i'm as tired as seb sounds i swear

and i know Sebastian '~the truth of the character~' Stan probably felt like his teeth were being pulled out with hot pliers reading these. how many times did the voice director have to say, 'ok. can we try it like you're not slowly decaying from the inside, hunny?'

barely any howling commandos and none of them had any lines other than Dum Dum. ok. yeah. ok.

so some high notes:

return of my favorite Stark: 1940's Howard!

i would die twenty times just to be able to see more of Dominic Cooper's Howard Stark. he's just the fucking best. earnest and cute and a bit of a mad scientist and i fucking adore him

i need the Howard Stark + Bucky Barnes sitcom now. pls and thank you.

i'll even take 5 minute vinaigrettes of the antics they'd be up to. two playboy nerds together is just a magical event, don't waste it! i can't believe i've been sleeping on this dynamic it's too good.

"BARNES STOLE A CAR"

i will be replaying this single moment for years. the serotonin it gives me.

stark is just. the most excited man ever to have seen someone hotwire a car??? how did this scene go i need to knoooooowwww

all frustrations aside, it was really cool to see Peggy Carter as Captain Britain. she's a great character and i love her so much. every moment she was legit thrashing n*zis with her big butch arms was thrilling and satisfying.

that truck shield flip is still doing things to me...

honestly upset that the sword Peggy was wielding wasn't a Zemo easter egg like i was hoping it was 😩

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Last Part

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language Word Count: 3.4k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | You are on the Last Part

A/N: And so it comes to an end, and let me tell you guys, I am not okay 😔 This is going to be a bit of a longer A/N, so please bear with me. If you’d like to get straight to the story, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, so feel free to click Keep Reading!

Lowkey, I had a bit of a meltdown as I typed the final words on this fic because I hadn’t realized how attached I had grown to the characters. This is the first time I wrote three different chapter openers before deciding on one, because I simply couldn’t believe it was goodbye after this.

These mofos had constantly been on my mind for the past two months and a half. I would spend most days thinking about where to take them and then bringing them to life at night, after my entire day was over. When I wasn’t writing, I’d make little notes about thoughts I had into the night about them so that I wouldn’t forget them when morning comes. 

This was my first ever (and as of right now, my only) chaptered fic. I had no idea parting with it would be as emotional as it was. When I think back to when I first received the prompt for this, I had never even imagined I could write Renjun, let alone a series. But there was something in the prompt that had gotten my wheels turning. And I am so immensely glad that it did. There were days when I thought “Oh man, what have I gotten myself into.” Some days, the story would just flow. Other days, I’d keep staring at the blinking cursor not knowing what to type. But when I did, I found my emotions so deeply connected with the characters. I was happy when they were happy. I was sad when they were sad. So, parting with them is very hard to say the least.

But through this journey, I got to experience the joy of reading all of your reviews and comments and honestly, it made it all worth it. THANK YOU to every single one of you that read this story and waited on it and laughed and cried with it. You have made my life better in more ways than you can imagine.

In this moment, I want to thank 🍙 anon, because it was their prompt that put me in this mess in the first place. And so, it is only fitting that I dedicate the final part to them 💛

“Oh, we definitely need a picture together. How about here? I think this place would fit everyone.” Kim Doyoung looks about, finding a spot best suited for the photo he wanted.

“I think right there on the platform would be better. We could get everyone in two tiers.” his assistant suggests.

“You’re a genius. Let’s gather everyone. It’s not often that so many NCTU grads and students come to Midnight Arthouse,” Doyoung nods.

“How many of us are here, anyway?” Renjun muses. The assistant looks at her iPad, checking once again.

“I think there’s 23 of you. So, let’s definitely go for the platform.” she nods.

“Okay, then.” Doyoung claps his hands together once, “Gather everyone,” he says to no one in particular and walks ahead with purpose. Renjun and the assistant’s eyes meet and they smirk. Of course this was directed to the both of them. So, they set about to work.

As it would turn out, gathering 23 people from a charity event with art and food and drinks would be a bit of a task. But somehow, they manage to gather all alumni and current students on the platform in three tiers instead of two for a somewhat chaotic picture. There must’ve been something in the water at NCTU because none of it’s students could stand still for very long. They get maybe one decent picture and several in which someone or the other was moving or pulling a face.

His friends aside, looking around at the group, Renjun realized that he recognized nearly all of them. Yangyang and Hendery and the rest of their frat were here. As were the 127s, old and new. Renjun recognized them all, except maybe two boys, who didn’t seem to know a lot of the others either. When the pictures were done and the main events were over and the crowd had started to dissipate, Renjun finally walked over to the artwork to observe it up close.

Honestly speaking, watching the work with his own two eyes left no doubt in his mind that this artist deserved to be spotlighted like this. This work was in a league of its own. Watching it makes Renjun smile; because looking at it makes him think back to a few months ago when he was sitting in Kim Doyoung’s office, thinking of himself as some sort of a big shot. But the truth is, there was no way he had that caliber then, and there is no way he has that caliber now, though he was sure as hell working on it.

“This is the piece I lost the bid on.” Renjun hears a voice and he turns around to see Zhong Chenle’s father observing the art with him. Renjun bows politely and smiles under his mask,

“I mean, this is a remarkable piece. You have good taste.” Renjun acknowledges.

“What about you? Why isn’t any of your artwork displayed here?” he asks and for a while, Renjun smiles a bit nostalgically. He could’ve been here, had he made something for the Annuale. Had he just selfishly taken that shot. Then again, there would’ve been no real guarantees. Because Kim Doyoung was pretty particular in the people he chose, whether they were recommended by his family or not. Working with him closely in the last couple of months had taught Renjun that. It had also taught him how underdeveloped his skill was in the real world context.

“I guess I still have a long way to go.” Renjun replies humbly.

“Don’t we all?” Chenle’s father nods, “Are you working here at this establishment?” 

“Um, I… I suppose I am. I am Kim Doyoung’s apprentice. He is my mentor.” Renjun nods.

“So I might see your work here soon enough, eh?” Renjun assumes the kind man is smiling under his mask because his eyes seem to be making the same shape as Chenle’s do when he smiles. So Renjun grins back.

“I mean… if I work really hard, I might get to shoot my shot in the next Midnight Arthouse Annuale.” Renjun fantasizes.

“Or maybe you’d get lucky like this young artist,” he points his chin towards the artwork.

Renjun smiles, “I would credit her luck, too if I hadn’t seen her work. But her talent is… it kinda speaks for itself.”

“Oh, no, you should definitely credit her luck. Talent isn’t enough. The stars have to align. Luck, talent, the right place, the right time. It all has to come together.” he says nodding. 

Renjun considers his words. They seem to be coming from the wisdom of experience. 

What if Renjun hadn’t received the phone call about his grandma back then? Well, then he probably would’ve made something lackluster and gotten rejected. Working with Kim Doyoung has taught him as much. It didn’t matter who had put a word in for him. At the end of the day, his work had to be outclass.

What if he had received the phone call and then still had enough time to submit something for the Annuale? Then he still probably wouldn’t have because… well, because of you.

What if he had gone ahead, regardless of you or his grandma and just made something and submitted it? Then he still would’ve been rejected. Because the truth of the matter is, he just didn’t have the caliber that artists associated with Midnight Arthouse did.

In that sense, Renjun supposes everything was in fact happening at the right place and right time now. Doyoung was mentoring him and he was getting better by the day. The stars were aligning for him. He knew it in his heart.

“Then I would wish that it all comes together for me, too.” Renjun says.

“When it does, young man, I’ll be the first one to bid on your work.” he says and Renjun doesn’t even have the time to react when he feels a presence breeze in his direction and invade his personal space.

Renjun doesn’t even have to look up to know who it is. He can tell by the way this body fits perfectly into his side. He can tell by how naturally his own body responds and just puts his arm around it’s waist.

“Oh man, I missed all of it, didn’t I?” you lament, as you loop your arms around his neck from the side instead of a hello.

“Not all of it. The guys just left but your brother and his friends are still here. Besides, you had work.” Renjun turns his head and looks into your eyes to reassure you. “Y/N, this is Chenle’s father.”

“Oh, hello!” you say cheerfully and respectfully bow and give you greetings. “It is so nice to meet you. Chenle looks just like you!”

“Yes, I’ve been told I’m a more handsome version of him,” he smiles then turns to Renjun, “And who might this young lady be?”

“This is my girlfriend, Y/N. She goes to NCTU with us.” Renjun introduces you and you bow again. Oh, the thrill he got every time he got to introduce you as his girlfriend. Fuck, he’s pretty sure he’d never tire of it, even if it had just been a few months. The serotonin boost in his veins is strong and he gets the urge to squeeze you and hold you forever.

“Oh, that’s very nice. Come have a meal with us before we have to catch a plane back home, okay?” Chenle’s father invites the two of you. 

“Oh, I would love to!” you say in your chipper tone before your eyes start darting around “I’m going to have to excuse myself for a little bit, I just wanna say hi to my brother.” you say and you politely bow before you start moving away.

“Babe, hang on…” Renjun says, holding you back by your hand. He brings his fingers delicately to the bridge of your nose and softly pinches down the mask over it so it sits more snugly on you. “There, it’s much safer now.” Renjun nods and watches the affectionate smile your eyes give before you move away. You looked so pretty today, even if you were just coming back from a four-hour internship. You were easily the most beautiful girl in this room, though Renjun suspected that you’d be the most beautiful girl in any room you entered. 

Albeit sometimes, Renjun had to wonder if your talent or your beauty was greater. Because you had become the only junior in NCTU to land an internship at the SMK Trainee Drive. And now that you were a senior, you were somehow managing to keep your grades up alongside it. 

Renjun, on the other hand, would find himself struggling with balancing his apprenticeship with his school work. So he knew firsthand how your discipline was something else altogether. Recently though, he had experienced a rise in his grades because you had been taking him on so many study dates that your organizational skills and motivation had started to rub off on him.

Renjun walks around the studio and the party and feels like it’s been too long till you’re finally back by his side. 

“Love in the Time of Corona,” you read the title of an art piece displayed in front of you. “That was supposed to be our thing.”

Renjun laughs and has no qualms in looping his arms around your waist and finally pulling you into himself.

“I guess we should’ve realized then how un-novel the idea would become in a few months.” he comments. 

“Un-novel is not a word, Huang Renjun.” you narrow your eyes at him.

Renjun laughs. “It is now,” he says and lets out a long exhale, “I missed you today.” he complains, though he looks down at you with warmth.

“Well, you’ve got me now. And you have me for the entire weekend.” you reassure him, your palms on his chest.

“Mhmm.” Renjun smiles and he wants to lean in to kiss you. But Kim Doyoung specifically had people assigned to walk around and make sure that everyone had their masks on when inside. “Also, we already have a thing.” he reminds you and winks.

You laugh, and say “I guess we do,” then let out a happy sigh as your eyes avert from his for a moment, taking in your surroundings. “Our Couple Thing should give you some ideas on what you can make when your work is displayed here in the 2022 Annuale. I won’t be late to that, I promise. I’ll take a day off from everything else in my life.”

Renjun's heart grows warmer still, and he’s sure his eyes reflect what he feels, “How can you be so sure my work will be displayed in the 2022 Annuale?”

“I don’t know, Huang Renjun. I just have a feeling about you.” you say and Renjun can see you smile even if your lips are covered by a mask. Your eyes always smiled before your mouth did, anyway.

“Y/N L/N, I have a feeling about you, too.” he retorts. 

“And what feeling would that be?” you raise an eyebrow.

“It’s a secret.” he says, but now he sees your pout, even if he can’t see your mouth because your cheeks have puffed up over the mask. It makes him laugh.

“You’re no fun.” you protest.

“I’ll tell you once we get out of here.” Renjun offers.

“Well, I’m ready to leave.” you jut your chin up. Renjun grins and offers you his arm. You grab it with your entire body and the two of you start walking out together.

You had plans for the weekend, after all. And Renjun was determined to keep you all to himself for once, with no one else demanding your time. Not your internship, not your assignments, not any of your friends, and especially not Lee fucking Donghyuck. He was finally going to take you away where it could just be you and him and nobody else.

This moment felt way too surreal to Renjun.

The campfire had simmered down from a glorious roar to a comfortable burn, giving off just enough heat in the cool of an early winter evening. The sky was in it’s fading moments, where the pink of the light was slowly turning to violets and the violets were slowly merging into darks. 

Renjun remembered suggesting to you all that time ago that maybe you could go somewhere together. But now that he was here, he hadn’t imagined that the moment would feel as surreal as it did. 

Because now the two of you are sitting in front of your tent by the fire, entwined in one another. You’re sitting between his legs, arms around his neck, nuzzling your cheek inside his padded jacket while he supports your head on his arm and kisses you.

He’s holding you in his arms and kissing you and everything seems so perfect that for a moment, he has to pull away to watch your face and wonder if all of this was real. And though there is a gentle smile on your face, you’re not opening your eyes much. Because you know full well that Renjun’s lips would be back on yours in no time. So you play with his hair as they fall to his forehead and when he kisses you again, you press up into him so he would wrap his arms around you and hold you tighter. He does and he rubs his hands up and down your back and attempts to close his jacket around you.

“Are you cold?” he asks lovingly. You shake your head.

“No. I just want to crawl inside you.” you say, like it’s the most logical thing to be said.

“Creepy.” Renjun remarks but holds you closer still.

“You should be happy you haven’t seen my collection of your hair clippings.” you quip as you nip into the skin of his neck.

“Oh, sweet. That rivals all your used tissues I’ve kept in my shrine at home.”

“Aww, you shouldn’t have.” you coo at him and then lean up to kiss him some more and he laughs. But soon, he pushes the arm that you were using like a pillow up so your face would be closer to his and he could kiss you as deeply as he was truly craving. 

The two of you keep kissing like that till the sky is dark. It was an odd sort of trance, being so lost in one another that neither of you cared about what time it was or how long you had been sitting here, wrapped up in one another. Your phones were zipped away in your bags and you hadn’t checked them even once since you had parked your camping van and set up your tent. It was a slow, peaceful sort of bliss, just sitting by the fire and kissing and kissing with nothing else on your minds but being here like this with one another.

“Renjun?” you say, your voice sounding like it was returning from a deep thought.

“Hmm?” Renjun asks as he combs your hair away from your pretty face.

“You know, I learnt today that a cactus can live anywhere between 10 and 200 years.” you tell him, idly tracing the birthmark on the back of his hand.

Renjun leans in and presses long into your lips. “Yeah?” he replies and watches your face. It seemed hazily focused, like it was trying to catch onto a faraway thought.

“I also learnt that it can take up to 30 years for a cactus to bear flowers.” you say in an introspective, wistful tone.

Renjun looks away to hide his smile. Oh God, you were so cute. “Yeah?” he says again, but it’s getting more and more difficult to keep a serious face.

“Sometimes, a cactus doesn’t flower at all.” you say and then you turn your head to look at him like you’ve resurfaced from your thoughts and are now in the moment. Renjun’s grin grows wider. “Renjunnn…” you whine and so he has no choice but to tenderly hold your cheeks in his palms and stroke your hair.

“What?” he chuckles.

“You said you’d think you’re worthy of my forgiveness when the cactus bears flowers.” you whine again and Renjun has to plant a loving kiss to your forehead.

“Is that what I said?” he chuckles some more and then leans in to kiss the anxious realization away from your lips. 

“Renjun.” you pout and Renjun laughs and takes his beautiful, whiny, kindhearted girlfriend in his arms and hopes that his hold could chase away all the worries from her pretty, brilliant mind.

He kisses you because his heart can’t bear it any longer. How did he manage to hold a heart like yours in his hand?

Renjun feels an indescribable amount of happiness. Like he wasn’t sure that you were really here with him, in his arms, all for him to hold, with no worry or burden afflicting him. The happiness is so immense and so incredible and so heavy that for a moment, he feels it suffocating him. He wonders if he deserved this kind of happiness.

But right in the next moment, he stops himself. He knew how easy it was to relapse into those tempting, lonesome thoughts. But if there was anything that therapy was teaching him, it was that of course he deserved happiness. 

Though right now, holding you in his arms, this happiness was choking him. He felt like his heart was swelling and pressing against his lungs and his chest couldn’t bear it and he could no longer breathe. 

“Y/N…” he exhales, holding you back so he can look at your face and you could look up into his. He pauses to gather another breath. Then, he just says it. “I love you.”

And doing so does the trick. He feels his chest slowly getting lighter, because this is what it had been bursting with. Now, he’s told you. Now, it can be unburdened.

You look up at him and there is nothing but a sparkle in your eye, and tenderness in your smile. For a while, you say nothing, just looking upon his eyes like that. “Thank you.” you finally whisper back at him.

Renjun pauses for a moment. But then, he relaxes. This was okay. You didn’t have to say it back right away. Renjun was ready to give you as much time as you needed. So he presses his lips into your forehead once again till he feels you laughing against him. He pulls back in confusion and you grab at the lapel of his parka.

“Huang Renjun…” you say and he looks back at you with uncertainty, “... I love you, too.”

And Renjun can’t help it if he kisses you too hard. He can’t help it that he’s squeezing you too tight. He wouldn’t care if the night brightens back into morning and the morning fades back into night. He was going to hold you just like this for the rest of his life. 

So he lays you down and kisses you deeper, like he wanted to make up for all the time he had lost. All the time in his life when he hadn’t known you. All the time he had known you and didn’t let himself have you. He was going to make up for it all. And as he zips the tent up and shields you from the rest of the world, he wonders if he could spend all of his days just like this. Holding you and loving you and knowing that you loved him back; and if he could, today was a damn good day to start.

The fire slows to a simmer till all that’s left are embers that keep being carried away by the breeze. But the two of you remain inside, in your own world, happy that you had found one another, happy that you could finally have one another. Happy that you could hold one another and say that you loved each other and have nothing in the world hold you back, not now, not ever.

You were Y/N and Renjun, Renjun and Y/N, two names that were forever intertwined because that’s how people would call you now. You were the couple that belonged so perfectly with one another that people would wonder if you’d been together for years. And any time someone with a burning curiosity would come up to you and ask,

“So, where did you guys meet?” you would just look at one another, smile and say, “Well, we met in online class.”

~THE END

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[kpop-zone]

Twice reaction to their best friend confessing their feelings to them

“What do you think?”

The sudden question of your best friend ripped you from your train of thoughts and you flinched in shock.

“W-what?”

You stuttered and your best friend shoved you annoyed before plopping down next to you on the couch.

“Have you been listening to me at all in the past 5 minutes? I asked whether you feel more like beef or chicken? We wanted to order food, remember?”

She looked at you reproachfully and you uttered an indifferent grunt.

“I don’t care. You can choose.”

You mumbled, causing her to scoff.

“You don’t care? Since when don’t you care about our food choice? What is wrong with you today?”

Your best friend asked in disbelief while staring holes into you from the side. That was a good question... What was wrong with you? According to your other friends that you had consulted, there was nothing wrong with you. But it still felt like that to you. How could you have fallen in love with her? This friendship was so precious to the both of you and you were pretty sure that you were about to ruin it. But you had to tell her. Keeping a secret from her felt like you were betraying her twice. You had already waited too long anyways.

Nervously, you looked at her. Concerned wrinkles crossed her forehead and a worried glistening in her eyes made your heartbeat speed up.

“I have to tell you something...”

You were speaking almost in slow-motion as if you were hoping that your feelings might change if you would only stall enough.

“What is it?”

Your best friend giggled but you could see in her face that she was nervous now.

“I don’t even know where to start. I was hoping that I would never have to tell you. That it would just go away. But...years have passed by now and nothing has changed.”

You struggled for words while feeling like you were only seconds away from having a heart attack.

“Y/N... you’re scaring me. Please, whatever it is, just tell me.”

Panic was reflecting in your best friend’s eyes. Nevertheless, she leaned forward to grab your hand to comfort you, causing you to exhale shakily. She didn’t really make this easier. Who would comfort you from now on if she didn’t want to spend time with you anymore? You didn’t know how you would ever cope with such a loss. But you still couldn’t wait with your confession any longer. You just had to get it over with. Just like ripping off a band-aid.

“I’m in love with you.”

Nayeon

Nayeon had expected you to say anything. That you were terminally ill or that you suddenly didn’t want to hang with her anymore. She had expected you to say anything... but this. With an open mouth she stared at you, trying to form a single intellectual response in the void that was now her brain. But there was only one question bouncing around.

“You’re in love with me??”

She blurted out in an unnaturally high pitch, causing you to flinch.

“Yeah...”

You scratched your neck sheepishly while avoiding her eyes in embarrassment. Slowly, Nayeon’s brain started to process your words and a rush of serotonin electrified her body that conjured a big gummy smile on her face.

“You’re in love with me.”

Nayeon repeated her words, only that this time they almost sounded teasing. Confused, you finally looked at her and Nayeon smirked.

“Of course you are. Why did I ever doubt my charms?”

She sighed jokingly although there was a certain bitterness to her words. She felt quite stupid now for hiding her feelings all those years. Why couldn’t she have been more straightforward with you?

“Nayeon, this isn’t something to joke about.”

You pouted, causing her to chuckle.

“I have to, otherwise I’ll get too upset about how much time we have wasted.”

This time, her sigh was deeply repenting, and she thought about where the two of you could be if she had only been bolder.

“Time wasted? What?”

You still seemed to be completely in the dark, causing Nayeon to groan in annoyance.

“Oh Y/N, why are we both such oblivious fools?”

She shoved you a little too rough, managing to make you lose balance and look at her in shock.

“Ouch! What are you even talking about?”

You complained sulkily, making Nayeon wonder why she had even fallen for an idiot like you.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.”

She grumbled before complete silence encompassed the two of you. The same dumbfounded expression that had decorated her own face just a few minutes ago was now on display on your face and you stared at her with an open mouth.

“Oh my, we are oblivious fools.”

You whined eventually and Nayeon chuckled due to the bizarreness of this situation.

“Well...better late than never, huh?”

She shrugged before reaching over and grabbing your hand again. Finally, the tension in your body seemed to have dissolved and you smiled at her happily.

“Anything else would have been too boring, don’t you think?”

You grinned while giving her hand a light squeeze and Nayeon mirrored your expression. Simplicity had never suited her anyways.

Jeongyeon

“You idiot!”

Angrily, Jeongyeon punched you causing you to look at her with wide eyes.

“Why would you start your confession like that?! I literally thought you had cancer.”

She snarled before leaping to her feet to walk up and down in order to calm her racing heart.

“Oh...yeah in hindsight I see what you mean.”

You grinned apologetically and Jeongyeon glared at you in annoyance. For a moment, the only noise in the room was the steady ticking of the clock on the wall and Jeongyeon slowly felt how her heart frequency returned to normal, giving her the opportunity to process what you had just said although she didn’t know whether she could trust her memory.

“Wait...what did you just say?”

She asked with a frown, convinced that you could have impossibly said what her brain made her believe.

“Please don’t make me repeat it. It was already hard enough saying it the first time.”

You whined in response and Jeongyeon froze on the spot. She must have understood you correctly.

“You’re in love with me?”

The question made her voice crack and a faint blush seize her cheeks, but she needed you to reaffirm your words.

“Yes.”

You nodded while avoiding her eyes bashfully and Jeongyeon felt like a thousand butterflies were finally released from their captivity in her stomach. She could always listen to you for hours, but your words just now were her favorite ones that you had ever uttered.

“Y/N...”

Only now you finally looked up again and Jeongyeon’s breath hitched in her throat. How was she supposed to tell you? Maybe she should just get it over with. Just like ripping off a band-aid.

“I’m in love with you too.”

She blurted out hastily, making her cringe inwardly. Had you even been able to understand her? Her insecurities were quickly proven to be unnecessary though when your face lit up in pure happiness.

“Really?”

You squealed with sparkling eyes, causing Jeongyeon to chuckle.

“Really.”

She smiled still a bit shy, but you immediately leaped to your feet to tackle her in a hug. Feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder, Jeongyeon giggled and wrapped her arms around you to give your body a tight squeeze. She could definitely get used to this.

Momo

“You are?”

Momo felt like she was about to pass out. Her heart was beating so violently in her chest that she was sure that she could see her sweater lifting off her body. How often had she dreamt of this scenario? How often had she hoped that you would end her torture? She had always known that she would never be brave enough to confess her feelings to you. At least not first. But now she finally felt brave enough to wear her heart on her sleeve.

“Yeah, I am.”

You mumbled, causing Momo to start smiling dopey.

“I guess that makes two of us.”

She giggled and you tilted your head to the side in confusion.

“You’re... in love with yourself too?”

You asked while frowning ruminatively. A blush formed on Momo’s cheeks when she realized how misleading her confession must have sounded and she quickly shook her head.

“No. I mean...I’m in love with you too.”

She mumbled in embarrassment, causing your jaw to drop.

“You are?”

A feeling of déjà vu made Momo laugh, but she was still quick to nod her head.

“Yeah, I am.”

She smiled and both of you giggled sheepishly. Momo’s gaze fell on your intertwined hands that were still resting on your lap and she gave your hand a light squeeze. This moment was better than every dream that she had ever had.

Sana

“You’re? In love? With me??”

Sana shrieked in disbelief and you nodded in reply while hanging your head. Before her brain was able to fully process what you had just said, Sana already tumbled forward to tackle you to the couch.

“Oh Y/N!! That’s the best thing that you have ever said!!”

She exclaimed excitedly while tears started to pool in her eyes.

“I-it is?”

You stuttered in confusion, causing Sana to giggle.

“Yes! I’ve been wanting to confess my feelings to you for an eternity already. But I never knew how.”

Her lips formed into a pout when she remembered all the times that she had been so close to telling you how she truly felt but chickened out in the last second.

“Wait...you have feeling for me too?”

You asked in astonishment and Sana’s pout quickly turned into a smile again.

“Of course I do! I’m surprised that you have never noticed. I don’t think I have been very subtle.”

Amused, Sana giggled, thinking about all the times that strangers had thought that the two of you were dating because she hadn’t been able to keep her hands off you.

“Yeah, I guess I could have figured.”

You chuckled while blushing lightly.

“So... does that mean I’m your girlfriend now?”

Expectantly, Sana looked at you, hoping that she could finally be more than just your friend after all these years.

“I think you have been for a while already.”

You grinned and Sana squealed happily before tackling you in a hug again. Being your girlfriend was already one of the best things that had ever happened to her.

Jihyo

“I-I-...Y/N, this is not something to joke about.”

Jihyo was paler than a ghost and you felt panic rising inside of you. It looked like this situation wouldn’t have a good ending for you.

“I’m not.”

You mumbled ashamed, causing Jihyo to leap to her feet. She was standing with her back turned to you and you wished that you could turn back time or evaporate into thin air. Panicked you searched for words to make it all better but before you could come up with something, Jihyo turned around, leaving you completely confused. Her face wasn’t creased in anger or disappointment. Instead, a big smile put the sun to shame and you even thought to see tears glistening in her eyes. Frozen, you watched how she walked up to you in order to climb on your lap and wrap her arms around your neck so tightly that you had trouble breathing.

“I’m so glad that you told me.”

She whispered into your ear and you to sighed in relief.

“So you’re not mad?”

You asked anxiously, causing Jihyo to lean back.

“Mad at you? Why would I be mad? Don’t you know that I feel the same for you?”

She looked deeply into your eyes and suddenly everything was starting to make sense to you. Jihyo had been giving you hints for ages.

“Ohhh wow I’m so blind.“

You groaned disappointed in yourself, but Jihyo was quick to cheer you up.

“As long as you know now, I forgive you.”

She grinned, so you quickly nodded your head and Jihyo pulled you into a hug again. If proving you wrong always felt this good, you wouldn’t mind if she proved you wrong for the rest of your life...

Mina

Mina simply stared at you for what felt like an eternity. You didn’t know whether she was trying to find the right words to react to your confession or whether she was simply too outraged by your words to speak. All you knew was that you wished the ground would swallow you to save you from this uncomfortable situation. Hoping that you could ease the tension in the room by breaking the silence, you nervously cleared your throat.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. And I also didn’t mean to keep a secret from you, but I was just so scared that you would hate me if I told you.”

You stuttered and for the first time, Mina reacted to your babbling and nodded her head slowly.

“I know how that feels.”

She chuckled although her tone didn’t fail to transmit the sadness of her reply. For a second, you stared at her in confusion before the meaning of her words hit you and caused little cracks to rift through your heart.

“You’re in love with a friend too?”

You asked in disappointment, trying to feign interest and to not let your hurt show. But when Mina silently laughed to herself, you couldn’t manage to hide your upset. Why was she laughing? Was this situation funny to her? Once Mina noticed the expression on your face though, she was quick to pull herself together and gave your hand a light squeeze.

“I’m in love with you.”

She responded calmly, but her words still managed to enter your head like a whirlwind. Now it was you who was simply staring, causing Mina to smile shyly while looking away.

“Would you please say something?”

She chuckled, so you shook your head to re-sort your thoughts.

“I had no idea...”

You gaped before your dumbfounded expression slowly turned into a wide grin when realization sunk in. She was in love with you. Overwhelmed with joy, you pulled Mina into your arms, causing her to squeak in surprise before starting to giggle silently.

“Good things take time...”

Dahyun

Dahyun’s eyes widened in shock and pure disbelief was written all over her face. You were in love with her??

“W-what? For how long?”

She stuttered dumbfounded, starting to doubt her perceptivity that she had always been very proud of.

“I don’t even know. It’s been so long that I can’t remember a time that I haven’t been in love with you.”

You admitted with a blush and Dahyun’s jaw dropped.

“How have I never noticed??”

She squeaked appalled, causing you to soothingly pat her leg.

“Don’t worry about it, you couldn’t have noticed. I think I’ve hid it pretty well.”

You tried cheering her up, but Dahyun only glared at you.

“Y/N, I’m your best friend I’m supposed to know how you feel. Especially because...”

Her voice gave in in the middle of her sentence when she realized what she was about to tell you. From one moment to the other, her irritation about her obliviousness evaporated into thin air and she was left with nothing but anxiety.

“Especially because...I’m in love with you too.”

Dahyun confessed bashfully, causing you to choke on air.

“Really?? How have I never noticed?”

You almost yelled before pouting, managing to make Dahyun chuckle.

“I guess we’re just fools for each other.”

She groaned while leaning forward to let her head rest against your chest in defeat.

“Very lucky fools though.”

You replied and Dahyun smiled happily to herself. Very lucky indeed.

Chaeyoung

Chaeyoung looked at you with her head tilted to the side in confusion. You avoided her gaze at all cost and strongly resembled someone who waited for their death sentence after confessing a murder.

“Why do you look so down?”

She asked confused and you uncomfortably wriggled about on the couch.

“I’m just so scared that you will hate me now.”

Your words were barely audible, but they still managed to break Chaeyoung’s heart. Upset, she tugged on your arm to make you look at her.

“Y/N, that could never happen. I’ll always love you.”

She stated while searching for your eyes and you exhaled shakily.

“I appreciate that.”

Slowly, you were looking less fraught, causing Chaeyoung to smile satisfied.

“Besides...I’ve actually been meaning to talk with you about our relationship anyways. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I want to be more than just friends with you.”

She revealed causally, but you looked like she had just told you the most absurd thing ever.

“You have?”

You asked in disbelief and Chaeyoung nodded her head in reply.

“Mm hm... I think we would make a cute couple. Don’t you?”

She smiled and you to blushed slightly.

“You could be right with that...”

You chuckled and both of you started laughing, completely forgetting about the tension from earlier. Happily, Chaeyoung let herself get pulled into your arms and cuddled up to you. She couldn’t think of something more beautiful than being in love with her best friend.

Tzuyu

Heavy silence filled the room as Tzuyu eyed you suspiciously. She had been pranked often enough because of her naivety to blindly believe everything that she was being told.

“You’re in love with me?”

She asked while looking at you with one eyebrow raised, causing you to nervously fidget with your fingers.

“Yes. I don’t know when it happened exactly. But I know that no one makes me happier than you. When you smile it feels like the whole world is stopping and when I’m with you everything else fades into the background. There’s no one who’s more important to me than you.”

With every second, you started rambling more and Tzuyu felt how her cheeks slowly heated up. She could feel the sincerity in your words and suddenly she didn’t doubt your feelings anymore. After you were done praising her, you looked at her expectantly and Tzuyu’s heart started to race in her chest. She hadn’t thought that she would ever have the chance to tell you how she truly felt.

“No one makes me happier than you either. I’ve just never told you because I thought that you could never feel the same. I thought I would make it weird if you’d know that I like you more than just a friend.”

Tzuyu admitted shyly and you stared at her with an open mouth.

“Wait...Do you mean...that you have feelings for me?”

You croaked dumbfounded and Tzuyu slowly nodded in reply. For a while, both of you seemed to be too overwhelmed to say anything and simply sat there in silence until you eventually cleared your throat.

“What do you say I take you out on a date then tonight?”

You grinned, managing to conjure a wide smile on Tzuyu’s face.

“I’d love that.”

She agreed in a heartbeat while feeling a warm, fuzzy feeling spreading in her whole body. It seemed like you were proving once again that no one could make her happier than you...