#I’m not learning how to knit a sweater for a lobster joke

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380. Great Starts: the first Saturday Night Live episode of 1980 (1/26/1980)

Obviously, I can’t cover the very first episode of Saturday Night Live from 1975, because that would be breaking all the rules of this blog. But, buuut, I can cover the very first SNL of the 1980s. (this was the only place I could quickly find the episode, if that link is down, try one of these, sorry) It aired on January 26, 1980, and the host was Teri Garr and the musical guests was the B-52s! Transcripts are from this amazing page. 

Oh noes, Don Pardo tells us that SNL be delayed so it can present continuing nightly coverage, what could it be? 

Oh right. Paul McCartney stupidly brought Pot into Japan. He got in mad trouble for it, spent 10 days in a lock up. 

Bill’s on it. 

Day 1, January 14th, 1980: Paul McCartney’s luggage is inspected by Customs agents at the Tokyo Airport. It is discovered that he is carrying 7.7 ounces of marijuana. Paul is arrested and taken to a drug treatment center, then transferred to a cell in a Tokyo prison.

Day 2: All music composed by Paul McCartney is BANNED throughout Japan.

Day 4: Linda — Paul’s wife — is allowed her first visit, and the world learns that Paul, while mildly depressed, in still in good health.

Day 5: Paul reads a public statement, praising his captors and regretting his use of marijuana. Linda says: “It doesn’t sound like him. I think he’s trying to tell us something.”

Day 6: The crisis grows more serious, as ALL rock journalists are given 24 hours to get out of Japan.

Day 8: As tensions grow, a 23-year old woman is hanged in a public square in Kobi, for whistling “Michelle”.

Day 9: Kurt Waldheim travels to Japan and is granted a 15-minute visit with McCartney. He says Paul is as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Which brings us to Day 10. Jane? 

Wuh-oh. Turns out that Guido Sarducci wanted to get an exclusive interview with Paul while he was in jail so he traveled to Japan with pot too. Except...he’s not Paul. No tariffs. 

It’s funny to see him out of his signature costume during the opening credits. Speaking of, this was the season where everybody kinda looked like watercolors with too much rouge: 

Also, there were a ton of featured players that season. Of course you had your Al Franken and Tom Davis, but then you also had Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray’s brothers? Even baby Harry Shearer from The Simpsons. 

Terri didn’t even do a monologue, she just told us how excited she was to be there and kinda wiggled her butt a little. 

How did I forget that it early in the election year. All the candidates have come over to this lady’s house in Iowa (played by Terri) to help her with the housework while she knits: 

Teddy said he’d take Gilda’s math test. That got a big laugh. Also, people in the audience tried to “Kramer” Gilda, by whooping when she made an entrance. That stopped quick though. 

[ dissolve to exterior of house, with irised footage of each candidate ]

Announcer: George Bush: Suffered a massive hernia while helping a New Hampshire farmer remove a tree stump from his property.

Senator Edward Kennedy: Withdrew from the race after humiliating defeat in the Massachusetts Primary.

John Connally: Forced out of the race after his indictment on two counts of first degree murder.

Senator Howard Baker: Found in a motel room during the Wisconsin Primary with Congressman Crane.

Ronald Reagan: Forced to withdraw from the race for lying about his age. He was 94.

Jimmy Carter: Re-nominated by acclimation, but lost the General Election, due to Soviet takeover of Afghanistan, Yugoslavia, France and Scotland.

John B. Anderson: Elected 40th President of the United States.

[ image opens up to reveal Anderson seated among the audience in the balcony, as the camera zooms out]

We got some preppy girls in prison. 

Even down to the monograms. 

They had to bribe Garrett Morris for the newest issue of Town and Country. 

haha, Bitsy’s stepmom is Gloria Vanderbilt. “She designs BLUE JEANS!” says her dad. Laraine’s earring falls off when she’s modeling her jeans. 

Terri’s sweater belongs in the 1980s SNL Fashion show entry I did years ago. 

I’m mad as spit that I can’t find the clip of the B-52′s singing Rock Lobster on SNL. They’re all wiped off of YouTube and DailyMotion. Check out Fred Schneider’s pencil mustache! 

“A french cargo tanker carrying 300,000 gallons of mineral water broke up off the coast of Massachusetts in the world’s first major Perrier spill. Already thousands of fish have been belched up on the beach, and the Coast Guard worked late into the night squeezing tons of limes onto the area.”

Girl you know I love me a bottled water joke. 

“While in Salem, Massachusetts, comedian Gabe Kaplan ran into some unexpected trouble when a witches’ curse turned him into a fire plug!” 

...Jane’s wig. 

You know that set STUNK. Coffee, cigarettes, and anchovies? (ok, i know the mugs are probably empty, but imagine the smell)

“Anchovies! You Devil!” 

...now I want thin crust anchovy pizza...

and this happened.

When you’re out of bosco syrup and you run a studio. 

As some know, my favorite Daily Show correspondent, Vance DeGeneres was the original Mr. Hands in the Mr. Bill sketches. I don’t believe this is him in this short, however. (research intensifies) 

Nope, that’s not Vance’s hands. 

“This is John Anderson, now you know who he looks like!” 

Related:

WickerBreaker’s summary on the episode

SNL a Day’s summary on the episode

216. “President refuses to attend debate” (September 11, 1980)

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