#I’m too lazy to go and erase the messy lines

[bajaja-blast]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2-D!!!

Seems like only yesterday he was the 19 year old that got ran over by Murdoc’s car… *sigh* simpler times, those were 😌

Just a quick lil sketch I drew :)

edit: ew I hate this sketch I’ll do much better next year trust. At least Russ and Murdoc’s b-days are coming up so REDEMPTION

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Gibbous Chapter 9

Chapter Title: The Thought of Fresh Meat Is Making Me Ill

Summary:  It was October. A month full of cheer for the macabre. A month where humans gleefully wore the skins of those they saw as monsters. A month that Virgil generally enjoyed. It was the one month out of the year where he felt the most alive. Yet somehow, for this year’s October, he felt dead inside. Like his body had turned into the rotting corpse of a zombie and his soul was somehow still trapped inside.

Pairings: platonic lamp & platonic sleepxiety

Chapter Word-Count: 5503

Warnings:  Verbal/Emotional Abuse, Anxiety, Depression, Paranoia, Arguing, Disassociation, Sensory Overload (Yeah this one isn't gonna be a particularly happy one, Virgil Is Spiraling Mentally Big Time)

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Surprise b*tch, bet you thought you saw the last of me! I'm back for my yearly update--this chapter is dedicated to all the lovely comments people have left on previous chapter! Also!! I rewrote a significant amount of Crescent Chapter 3 and added onto Gibbous Chapter 5, the latter you might want to reread as it adds a bit to the opening scene of this chapter.

Chapter title taken from "I know I'm a Wolf" from the Young Heretics!

-

In books, there was always a perfect, logical sense of progression. Stories were generally told in a three-act structure. The setup, the midpoint and the resolution. The beginning of a story established the protagonist to the reader. It gave you details about their personality, their way of living, their wants and desires. Then the protagonist found themselves upended by an inciting incident.

Something that caused their way of living to never again be the same. Tension grew and grew as they sought to come about a way to continue living. Until it reached a climax, one where after which, they either thrived or withered away. In which case, the story ended as the protagonist returned to a new sense of normalcy.

One that would last until the next inciting incident came along to shake up their world once again.

Once one found this pattern, it was hard to ever see stories the same way again. There were certain things to always expect—things you could decipher before the story’s end. Real life, however, wasn’t quite like that.

Or at least this was what Logan had come to find. Sure, in many ways events in life played out like stories. There was an inciting incident, something that arose tension as one sought to solve the dilemma. It just wasn’t as neatly bound together like a story or even a math equation. Life was messy, complicated—it threw in plot twists or details that critics would claim lazy and unbelievable.

Logan was harshly reminded of this in the case of one Virgil Raine. He couldn’t understand—he was doing everything right, remaining patient and giving Virgil a chance to open up to Logan on his own time. Yet the human shied further and further away, all development he made since working at the library immediately erased. Virgil even shut out all notions of spending time outside work without explanation. It’d been weeks at this point with no result despite the attempts of Logan, Patton and even Remy, who was arguably the closet with Virgil.

Perhaps this was something that should be expected. Virgil rarely spoke about his past, but what little he shared, he had to fend mostly for his own from a young age. Whoever hurt Virgil caused him to believe again he couldn't rely on anyone but himself.

Logan was not a particularly violent person. He'd been ignorantly cruel once upon a time, yes, but even back then he wasn't one to have the urge to kill people. The wolfish part of him begged to differ, as always. His instincts howled at him to find that person and tear them limb to limb. Better yet, they demanded he snatch Virgil away and bring him against his will to the pack, to safety. As much as Logan wanted this, logically he knew Virgil might never fully trust Patton or himself ever again despite their good intentions. Illogically, he couldn’t bring himself to do the one thing he swore he’d never do again, even if it was for Virgil's safety.

He pondered this, sitting in front of a mountain of paperwork. It was late, too late for him to still be at the library. He couldn’t bring himself to move from his desk, not until he figured something out. He gnashed sharpened teeth in agitation, gripping his hair with claw-like fingernails. It didn't help that normally this time of the month, his cognitive thinking skills were usually in a different state of being. If he wasn't careful, the cleaning staff might find a wolf rampant in the library the next morning.

His phone rang just then, some meme-related ringtone Roman picked out that he’d found funny. Logan snatched it up and answered it.

“Patton, listen, I will be home soon I am just finishing up—”

“I’m not Patton,” The person on the other line cut in, “It’s me, Remy.”

“Oh,” Logan cleared his throat, thrown off by this revelation, “is something the matter?”

“Yeah, something’s the matter alright,” Remy said, his voice hoarse, “I fucked up big time with Virgil.”

 -

It was October. A month full of cheer for the macabre. A month where humans gleefully wore the skins of those they saw as monsters. A month that Virgil generally enjoyed. It was the one month out of the year where he felt the most alive. Yet somehow, for this year’s October, he felt dead inside. Like his body had turned into the rotting corpse of a zombie and his soul was somehow still trapped inside.

He supposed it had something to do with how September slipped from his fingers much in the way that his phone slipped from Jerad’s fingers. Falling all the way down, down, down, breaking upon the asphalt below into a million tiny pieces. Tried as he might, the memory haunted him in the waking world as well as his dreams.

 Only, in his dreams, sometimes it was him that fell to the ground. Like a shoddy version of Humpty Dumpty. Remy, Patton and Logan would try to fix him to no avail. They’d always leave, scoffing that it wasn’t worth it. He couldn’t cry or reach out towards them, begging for them to return. He could only lay there, broken and bleeding, watching as they abandoned him. Sometimes Roman showed up to gloat, mocking him for thinking they ever cared for him.

The worst thing about it? He knew it was going to happen in real life. It was only a matter of time. Even Jerad knew this.

“C’mon, you really want to hang out with them and not me, your friend?” Jerad scoffed, “what have they done for you? Have they helped out you when you couldn’t pay rent? Replaced your shitty phone for the best smartphone out there?”

“Well no but—”

“Face it, V-Man, they’re using you. They set you up with a new job, making you beholden to them and it’s sickening! They don’t actually care about you. Once they’ve had their fun jerking you around, they’ll just throw you out with the garbage. And I don’t want you coming to me, bawling like a baby, when it happens!”

As much as Jerad was a jerk, Virgil knew deep down he was right. He’d been so ecstatic at their displays of friendship, he didn’t even stop to consider it was all a façade. Maybe they themselves thought it was real, that they actually cared for him. But eventually they’ll realize the truth. That he’s a loser and nothing more.

Or maybe they already knew the truth and were merely toying with him. Virgil was just a human, mortal through and through. Remy, Patton and Logan were all near-immortal, unkillable save a well-placed piece of silver and a stake of wood in Remy’s case. At least with Jerad, he was honest. He knew Virgil was a loser and made it clear he only hung out with Virgil because it was better than nothing.

Jerad had been nice to Virgil lately—or nice as Jerad could be at least. He’d insisted on occasionally giving Virgil rides to and from work. An offer Virgil couldn’t refuse—no matter how hard his heart thudded against his chest with Jerad’s sharp swerves and his blaring car radio. He taken to asking about Virgil’s day even, asking where he’d been and what he’d been doing. He even took Virgil out to bars and clubs in an attempt to get him to loosen up.

Virgil wanted to tell him he’d rather set himself on fire than willingly enter a noisy nightclub. However every time his lips went to form those words, he found himself saying yes always. So that was how he found himself dissociating in a noisy nightclub, holding onto a pink-colored alcoholic beverage he faked taking a sip from.

A hand knocked jokingly against his forehead. “Yo, Virgin!”

Virgil blinked, his gaze blearily onto Jerad. It was hard to concentrate with all the flashing lights and loud music. He wanted to crawl underneath his beloved purple fleece blanket in his dark, silent bedroom and never leave. But he couldn’t leave just yet. Jerad had been nice to take him along to the club. If he’d asked leave now, he’d get upset. He knew eventually Jerad would get upset at him for something, but he preferred to delay that as long as possible.

“Yeah?” Virgil mumbled, curling his fingers tighter around the alcoholic drink that had been hoisted upon him. Jerad knew he didn’t like alcohol—it was something he ridiculed Virgil about constantly. He always insisted on Virgil drinking, saying he’d stop being a pussy and man up eventually about it.

“Are you high or something? You looked like you were seeing into the third dimension or something.”

Virgil shrugged. Jerad laughed at that, patting him on the back. Virgil tensed from each thud of Jerad’s hand, but he did not flinch or move away. It was a friendly gesture on Jerad’s part. If he wanted to really hurt Virgil, he would’ve put more force behind it.

“Probably not! You’re too much of an anxious wimp,” Jerad said, downing the contents of his drink, “but let me know if you ever get man enough to try it—your good friend Jerad has connections.”

“Okay.” Virgil said, his voice sounding far off in the distance to his own ears.

Jerad laughed again, and then started rambling about something probably among the lines of his most recent hookup, his parents being jerks for not giving him a new sports car or the latest college professor he deemed a complete idiot. Virgil stared at him, nodding all the right moments yet barely processed any of the words being directed his way.

 Even with lungs filled with air and a warm beating heart, Virgil felt nothing. He was nothing. A worthless sentient waste of space. Like an ugly mutt nobody wanted that should be euthanized to end its miserable existence.

His phone—the replacement one Jerad gave him—vibrated in his pocket. A text, no doubt from one of the others. The fourth one this night. Virgil’s hand twitched, refraining from looking at it in the presence of Jerad. Virgil didn’t feel like losing a second phone within a month of the first.

“Um, hey,” Virgil interrupted, wincing, “I gotta go use the bathroom, is that alright?”

“’Is that alright?’” Jerad mimicked in a high pitch tone, “Dude, is this elementary school or something? You want a hall pass? Me to hold your hand the whole way there?”

Virgil stared at him.

Jerad rolled his eyes, “Go ahead, whatever. I don’t care if you take a dump, just be quick with it.”

“Thanks.” Virgil bit out, running off before Jerad could change his mind.

He twisted and pivoted around the crowd of sweaty, glistening bodies wearing skimpy clothing. The bright neon lights and loud music warped around him like something out of a nightmare. Eventually he made it to the restrooms and locked himself in the nearest stall. The pulse of his heart roaring in his ears, he drew the phone of his pocket.

Four New Text Notifications from Patton

Patton: [Image of a black cat that looked approximately a year old. It appeared to be nestled close to Patton’s chest, staring up at the camera in wide-eyed stare.]

Patton: Look at what I found on my evening walk! Isn’t she the cutest??

Patton: I’m trying to convince Logan to let me keep her. Maybe you can come visit tomorrow and meet her??

Patton: It’s ok if not! I know you’ve been busy and I want to let you know I’m here for you, you can come to me about anything okay?

Virgil’s vision blurred a bit. He didn’t understand it. Why hadn’t Patton given up already? It’s been weeks since he’s sent Patton a text. He’d been terrified, too, really. And in the few times he ran into Patton at the library, he made excuses and scurried the other way.

Logan was at least kind enough to exchange a few pleasantries and keep their verbal interactions work-oriented. And Remy? They still delved deep into discussions about their taste in music but there was an awkward unspoken agreement not to bring up what happened that one morning. Virgil also shied from hanging outside of work, hoping Remy would eventually forget about him. It seemed to be working; Remy hadn’t offered to hang out in about a week or so.

But Patton? Patton seemed determined to stay in contact with Virgil, sending his dumb silly memes and cute animal videos. He sent good morning and good night texts, while making sure Virgil knew he could respond to them on his own time. On one hand, it made sense—this was the same Patton who saved a complete stranger’s life for literally no reason. On the other hand, he wished Patton would give up. It would made things easier, make it hurt less for everyone.

His phone buzzed with a new text notification.

Jerad: Dude, did you fall in or something?

Virgil swallowed, wiping away any stupid tears running down his face. As he typed a response to Jerad with shaky hands, the bathroom door slammed open, banging against the wall. He almost dropped his phone in the process, silently cursing at how close he’d been to breaking yet another phone.

Several loud booming voices filled the bathroom, peppered with obnoxious laughter every half second. Virgil shut his eyes, resisting the urge to cover his ears also in the process. The noise was too much. It was too much in the club outside, but all those voices echoing off the small crammed walls of the bathroom made Virgil want to scream.

The door creaked open yet again, the voices venturing away from Virgil. Good, they were leaving so Virgil could finally self-destruct in peace. Or so he thought, as a set of footsteps stopped abruptly, wavering. The club music blasted from the doorway, drowning out whatever discussion took place.

Then the door swung shut, the roaring club music muted once more. Virgil waited, breath catching in his throat as the single set of footsteps took a couple strides towards him. Oh god, this was how he was going to die, wasn’t he? This was probably some serial killer with an obsession of killing people in night club restrooms.

This was, of course, the moment his phone started vibrating in his hand. A call. Someone was calling him in the final moments of his life. Virgil looked down at the caller id; Remy. His heartrate spiked, dancing so painfully close to what a heart attack must feel like. Why was Remy calling him? Was he at last going to tell him he was done with Virgil forever?

Virgil almost wanted to ignore the call. But then he glanced at the black boots hovering near his stall and gave it a second thought. If this was going to be how his life ended, it’d probably be best to say goodbye to someone at least. Sucking a breath in, he pressed the green phone icon and held the phone to his ears.

“Hi?” He whispered.

“Hey Virgil,” Remy said, echoing oddly in Virgil’s ears, “what are you up to tonight?”

Virgil glanced down at the black boots menacingly close to his stall, “Umm, I’m just home, chilling.”

“That’s a lie, Hon. I know you’re hiding in a stall of this bathroom.”

“W-what are you talking about?” Virgil couldn’t breathe.

Remy sighed, sounding so similar to the person outside the stall, “Please, let’s talk face to face, alright?”

This was some sort of trick to lure him out of the stall, wasn’t it? Still, with the hand not clutching tightly to his phone, he reached out and unlatched the stall door.

Remy stood there, expression hidden under his black shades. His hair was slicked back with gel, shimmering with a glitter of some sort. He wore his iconic black leather jacket with a black crop top underneath. His whole outfit was black, in fact, down to his ripped jeans and the ankle-length boots. Virgil had seen him wear something similar before to a college event he’d taken Virgil to.

“W-what are you doing here?” Virgil demanded.

“I could ask you the same,” Remy responded, eyebrows raised above his shades, “this isn’t your scene, Virge. What are you doing here?”

“I’m not answering unless you answer.” Virgil said, trying to ignore how much he sounded like a toddler.

“A few of my homies from the art program wanted to celebrate the end of mid-terms. This is the night club most of the college body hangs at.” Remy crossed his arms.

“And how did you know I was in here?”

“A few keen observations,” Remy mustered a thin smile. He tapped his nose for emphasis before drawing his finger close to his lips. Virgil’s eyes widened in understanding. Vampire senses, then. “But mostly, I’d recognize those faded converse of yours anywhere.”

“O-oh.”

“I answered your question, now it’s your turn, Virge.”

“I…” Virgil said, the rest of his words strangled in his throat. His phone buzzed in his hand; another impatient text from Jerad no doubt. He didn’t bother to look at it, choosing to focus on taking a breath in rather than going unconscious from a lack of oxygen.

He could tell Remy the truth. That he’d gone with Jerad—his roommate whom he used to complain to Remy about all the time. But then Remy would ask why he was with Jerad and then—well. Then Virgil would have tell him what happened the time he found him the night his phone broke and well, Virgil wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t tell Remy about his humiliating mistake.

“I…went here to have a good time completely by myself.” Virgil withheld himself from wincing because wow that didn’t sound weird or suspicious in the slightest, “So you can go catch up with your friends or whatever, I’m good hanging out right here.”

“Right here, in the restroom?”

“Yeah.”

“Honey,” Remy said, his voice washed with some emotion Virgil couldn’t identify, “Let’s ditch this shithole and go somewhere else.”

“W-what—but your friends—” Virgil stammered.

“—will be fine without me. N-G-L they’ll probably too trying to give themselves alcohol poison even realize I’m gone,” Remy shrugged his shoulders, “besides, you don’t seem as gucci as you say you are in here and it’s been a while since we really hung out hung out, y’know?”

Virgil stubbornly directed his gaze away from Remy, jaw tightening. It had to be okay, didn’t it? Jerad was most likely to get too drunk to even coherent colors, let alone that Virgil slipped off without him. Maybe he wouldn’t be mad. Maybe he wouldn’t fly into a rage and come close to hanging him off a balcony. Besides Remy would be even more suspicious if he said no.

Virgil sighed, holding the home button on the phone until it shut off completely. That way he wouldn’t have to deal with Jerad calling him, demanding to know where he’d disappear off to, despite ditching Virgil all the time without warning.

“Alright, fine.”

Remy smiled, his teeth looking a little too sharp for Virgil’s liking. Wordlessly he turned aside and reached for the bathroom door.

Virgil swallowed, shoving the phone in his pocket to be forgotten about. Tried as he might, he still flinched as lively blare of the club’s music and flashing lights greeted him with full force. He froze, cowering before the threshold of the door. A hand landed on his shoulder, soft and gentle.

“Virgil?” Remy asked, his brows furrowing together.

Molten lava settled in the pit of Virgil’s stomach—pity. That was the expression on Remy’s face he couldn’t identify at first. He didn’t want pity; Virgil knew what pity meant. He didn’t want pity of any kind, it reminded him too much of the foster parents that looked at him like he was some feral dog that could be whipped into obedience. And sure, Remy had never hurt him but it didn’t mean Virgil forgotten about that morning spent at Remy’s dorm a month back.

Eyes lit up with a burning, controlled fire. Words hissed through a clenching jaw, “Tell me their name and I’ll beat them up for you.”

If Remy was willing to hurt who he deemed as threats to Virgil, who’s to say he wouldn’t be willing to hurt Virgil? To reprimand Virgil, to let him know how much of an idiot he was being? It sounded absurd, even now, because he’d known Remy for almost a year. Remy had plenty opportunities up to now to do something and hadn’t. Yet he was a vampire; years were nothing to him. He had plenty of time to wait for Virgil to slip up in some way and make his irritation known.

And Virgil knew by now to expect the other shoe to drop in a relationship—it was why he distanced himself, isolated himself to solely to work and his cramped little room at the apartment. He was foolish to believe Remy, Patton and Logan were different. Logan and Patton especially—what was he thinking? Patton saved him, sure, but Logan had been hellbent on locking him in their basement for the eternity of time. Why had ever he allowed himself to accept their apologies, to believe something was going right in his life for once?

“I’m fine.” Virgil snarled, shoving himself forward. It was like marching into a warzone, the music assaulted his ears and rattled uncomfortably against his chest cavity. He grimaced, keeping his eyes towards the floor, away from the flashing lights. He stopped a bit before the ocean of bodies that stood between them and the entrance.

He knew if he looked up, he could make out the back of Jerad’s shirt from his spot at the bar. Stupid, this was so stupid. Why had he allowed himself to get talk into this by Remy? There was no doubt in his mind that Jerad would catch him trying to leave and rightfully demand why he was ditching him for Remy. It was a shit thing to do, after all.

Friends don’t ditch one another without explanation. Jerad left him, sure, but he always had an explanation after the fact. Virgil didn’t think Jerad would like his explanation very much. Especially when it involved Remy, one of the people Jerad had been trying to warn him about.

A hand gracefully looped itself around one of his own, tugging him off to the side rather than through the crowd. Virgil looked to see Remy guiding them towards a set of doors, ones clearly marked for employees only.

“Remy—”

“Shhh, this is a faster way outta here, trust me.” He said, flashing a smile. Perhaps it was meant to be comforting but for Virgil it only caused his stomach to churn.

Right before they made it to the doors, an employee materialized in front of them. “Excuse me, sirs, you’re not allowed back here—”

“Cindy, gurl, remember me, Lansing? Worked here last summer? Do you remember, yeah?” Remy lowered his shades to take a look at her. Virgil peered behind him, unable to view Remy’s face. He could see Cindy’s face, however. Her face pinched up in confusion, frowning, before abruptly smoothening out with a wide grin stretched from ear-to-ear. She looked right at Remy, her gaze shifting entirely off of Virgil as if he no longer existed.

“Lansing, oh! Oh yes, I remember.” Cindy said, with a high-pitched laugh. Virgil shrunk further back into Remy’s shadow, squeezing Remy’s hand tightly. Something was wrong and he didn’t like it. Remy never mentioned working as a bartender—and that wasn’t quite something Remy would be quiet about. Virgil could just  picture the outrageous bartending stories he’d have if that was the case.

Remy laughed along with her, light and airy.

“Good, then can ya do a fellow former co-bartender a favor and let us slip through, just this once?”

“Gurl, of course, just if you caught don’t let Gregory know I was the one that let you pass.” She leaned in conspiratorially, face twitching a bit.

“Oh don’t worry, you won’t see us again, in fact forget that you even saw us. I’d love to stay and catch up, but I bet you have things to do.”

She laughed again at that. “Yes, of course. It was nice seeing you, Lansing, but I have to go.”

Cindy hurried off, quickly dissipating through the crowd. Virgil blinked; what the fuck? What the fuck was that—

He didn’t even have time to process the encounter before Remy led them into the dimly lit back hallway of the nightclub. Whether it was a faster way out of the nightclub was debatable. For all his talk about previously working there, Remy seemed just as lost as Virgil in the winding hallway. He led them one direction, only to immediately pivot down the other way.

Remy wasn’t talking. Remy was always talking endlessly, as if speaking was as vital as oxygen to him. He was terrible at whispering too—something Logan would get on him about at the library. That was why he was usually stuck on front desk duty to speak with patrons, helping out at events or doing organizational work in the back office. For Remy to be this silent, like the brooding calm before a storm, well. Virgil’s lungs wanted to seize up right then and there.

Eventually, they made to a door that opened out to an alleyway, right where the night club kept its dumpster. The moon gleamed from her perch in the sky, nearly full but not quite. Like a cookie with a bite taken out of it. Virgil knew there was terms for the different phases of the moon. His mother loved taking him out to see the night sky. She’d point out the constellations and tell him what phase the moon that night was.

He wished he could remember, for her sake, what they were. Considering he knew actual werewolves, you’d think he pay better attention to it. But it was a topic Virgil never felt brave enough to venture and one that neither Patton nor Logan opened up much on their own about.

He stared at the moon, transfixed, that he almost forgotten the reason he was outside in the first place. Not until Remy murmured something before attempting to lead him off somewhere. The gaping dread from moments prior seized hold of him once more.

“No!” Virgil snapped, yanking his hand out of Remy’s grip. He stumbled backwards a few steps, slamming himself into a wall of the building in the process.

“Virgil?” Remy asked, frowning as he took a step  forward.

“What the hell was that back there?”

“What do you mean—”

“Don’t act stupid!” Virgil demanded, taking a shaky breath, “That lady—Cindy—you did something, I—I don’t know, she was acting weird! And—and you were acting weird! So I’m asking again; What. The Hell. Was. That?”

Remy stared at him, his breath hitching, “Virgil, I was just trying to get you to a quiet place ASAP before you—”

“You’re still not answering the question.” Virgil cut in, his intestines tightening themselves into knots over it. Because maybe this was just a classic case of Virgil paranoia striking again. Maybe he really was driving himself into a panic attack over nothing. Maybe he was accusing Remy unjustly.

Yet, if that was the case why would Remy flinch if Virgil struck him physically with his words?

“Virgil,” Remy said slowly, “I need you not to panic and hear me out, ok?”

Virgil’s heartrate accelerated. Not panic, not panic?! What did Remy expect but for him to panic at those words?

“Okay.” Virgil said, definitely panicking.

“What have you’ve heard about vamps?”

“That they—you drink blood. And your reflection doesn’t show up in mirrors—and—and if you get bitten by a vampire, you’ll either turn into one or get mind controlled.”

“All technically true, well I mean—there’s a fuck-ton more to the turning process than that—” Remy cut himself off, “That’s beside the point. The point is, what you call mind-control, we call ‘enthralling.’ Enthralling is…”

“Is what?”

“Enthralling is, well. It’s a form of hypnosis. Anyone enthralled by a vampire is mostly aware of it and the least likely they are to follow a vampire’s suggestions, the more likely they are to fight against the hypnosis. And it can be activated through eye-contact which is what I did to Cindy.”

Virgil couldn’t breathe. Suddenly pieces were slotted together in mind, forming a picture Virgil never wanted to envision. That faint but visceral memory of Remy with red eyes, the natural charisma Remy held with anyone he met, how Remy managed to steal confidential information from Virgil’s employee file in the back office of Kirby’s Burgers—all of it. He thought Remy, out of anybody, was safe. Past his sassy, laidback exterior, Remy was honest, willing to speak his mind about anything and everything.

If Remy enthralled a complete stranger without blinking an eye—who’s to say he wasn’t above doing it to Virgil? Who’s to say he hadn’t enthralled Virgil into being his friend? Who’s to say Virgil wasn’t an oblivious mouse in a game of cat and mouse? Oh gods, this had just confirmed all of Virgil’s worst fears and more.

“Virgil—” Remy said, reaching out, his eyes hidden beneath his shades. He continued speaking, a mumble jumbo string of excuses probably. Virgil couldn’t stand to stay around and listen to it.

“Stop—just don’t—” Virgil stuttered, taking one step and then another towards the open sidewalk. What was just a few steps then became a few hundred until he found himself leaning against the door to the apartment, hands shaking to slot the key to unlock it.

A few more steps he was inside, the usual musty smell an unexpected comfort. He sat on the couch, seconds stretching into eternity. He half-expected Remy to have chased after him, demanding Virgil to listen, why couldn’t you just listen, you’re so stupid no wonder you’re pathetic—

Virgil blinked a few times, his eyes burning with some sort of irritation. For some reason, Remy let him go. He couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing. His head ached and so did his ears for some reason.

 Jerad entered the apartment a few millennia later. Virgil froze at the rattling doorknob, his hand clutching onto his phone in his pocket.

“There you are, you fucker!” Jerad drawled, stumbling over in a drunken stupor. His hand moved towards Virgil, but not with a closed fist. Instead he patted him on the back like earlier, “I can’t believe you did it! You finally got the balls to go and hook up with somebody! I guess I can’t call you Virgin, now huh?”

“Uh-huh,” Virgil murmured, not correcting him on that assumption. He sat there, a bit of tension draining from him. Jerad wasn’t mad for abandoning him. Jerad was still a jerk, but at least Virgil mostly knew what to expect of him. It wasn’t ideal, but that was life. It was better to deal with the devil you knew, then the devil you didn’t know. Virgil was stupid to have ever thought otherwise.

“My parents are being such dicks at the moment,” Jerad said, precipitously changing topics as per usual of him, “sometimes I wish I didn’t have to wait until they were dead to take my inheritance and do what I want to do, y’know?”

Virgil didn’t really know. Did his parents leave him money? They had to have had some sort of savings stashed away. A life insurance of some sort, right? It wasn’t like they were poor. He never thought about inquiring into that. Jerad accidentally slapped Virgil across the arm with a huge hand gesture, still ranting about something. Maybe it wasn’t an accidental hit.

Virgil didn’t know. His tether on reality felt weak, like a balloon close to floating away into the stratosphere. He almost wished he could float away, but the weight in his chest said otherwise. Jerad passed out not long after his rant, slumped half on the floor and half on the sofa. Virgil took this opportunity to slip into the comfort of his bedroom and turn on his cellphone once more.

 Seventeen new text notifications and five missed calls from Jerad greeted him, along with one new text notification from Logan. He clicked on Logan’s and his conversation, staring at Logan’s text at the bottom of it.

Logan: Virgil, Remy wanted me to inform you that he is taking a leave of absence from work. Please let me know if you need to take a leave of absence as well or need to confide in somebody as a friend, Patton or I would be happy to listen.

Virgil stared at it some more. Then he tapped out a short response, set the phone on the stool that was his makeshift nightstand and collapsed headfirst into his mattress. 

Virgil: K thanks, I’m fine

-

A/N: Hope everyone is doing well, if you enjoyed the chapter please consider leaving a comment--it's completely free and helps me out as a fanfic writer a ton! I'm technically not in the Sanders Sides fandom anymore, but I still have a lotta fondness for this fic and I will finish it, even if takes me ten years to do so :') -Kat

[knifehecker]

hello here is my tutorial on how i paint hair . under a readmore because im too lazy to figure out how to format this in a way thats nice to look at

a lot of the way i paint hair is rooted in my specific workflow/style so hopefully this will be at least a little useful for others! find out how the hell i get from THIS

to THIS

woaaahhh wow. i’m doing kris because auburn hair is really fun to color and also i love them. just a note but with this specific method neatness isn’t terribly important and some messiness can actually make things more interesting further in so just slap those flats underneath your “lines” and let’s fucking gooooooooo

i do p much all my shading and lighting in overlay because 9/10 it looks cleaner than multiply/luminosity. first step is to block in those shadows babey. this is where you have your first opportunity to express form and really sell your hair existing in a “3D” space. (i’ll be showing everything at full opacity initially so you can see where exactly i’m putting what i’m talking about, but assume i am lowering opacity to taste)

sometimes i like to make a second pass of shadows with either cyan or true blue, depending on the intensity of shadows i’m going for. in this case true blue came out too dark so i used cyan. as a note, right here i’m less looking to define values in the hair, and am more just tinting the shadows to a contrasting color (in this case, blue!) 

and now for light! at this stage, it’s important to keep in mind that you’re not trying to put in a lot of detail; that’ll come in a few more steps. just slap your light hue in a way that will still be readable to you as you continue working. don’t forget that light will bounce and define edges where you might not necessarily expect! (i’m looking at you, far left corner)

my coloring process can usually be seperated into at least two overlay folders; the first is for initial color tweaking but is Most Importantly for introducing some sexy new values to your work . the second overlay folder is usually where i delve more into bringing out interesting colors. i really want to draw more attention to the blue shadows, so i’ll put some more cyan down on a few focus points

yknow that cool hair shine thing that cool artists put on their cool art of their cool characters? here’s how i do that. just slam down a circle of highlight color (here i use magenta, because it’ll still bring up the value and warmth while not drowning out or muddying the orange highlights in the other overlay folder).

and then you’re gonna use your eraser to feather out the edges and get that nice wave affect. i do this by just clicking down with my tablet pen without moving it

and now it’s time to move on to the actual painting. are you ready? take my hand. you’re merging the layers now. we’re doing this together. i believe in you

now that we’re here, i’ve picked the colors in their hair so you can see we’ve got a REALLY nice palette to work with. i don’t really do this because i’m a terrible creacher and i’ve gotten used to working messy like this, but pulling a palette can be a quick way to make sure you’re staying clean and concise with your painting

the most important thing that i keep in mind when painting hair is to work from dark to light - so the bottom of the palette up. what this means is that i’ll make sure to render the shadows first, so that when i paint the lighter values over them, it’ll look a LOT more natural and nice looking, and it’s usually easier than working light to dark (with hair at least).

there’s no easy way to get around the next step. it’s time to draw your circle.

here you can see i’ve rendered a lot of the shadows/lighting and created more shapes in my hair, defining more of the edges between lights and darks where i can

adding some hard lines/edges can really help indicate flow!  once i’m satisfied with where i’m at here, i’ll move on to some last color tweaks!

it’s the last bit of overlay i promise!! just a little more cyan to bring out those blues again, and i added another bit of shine over some areas. i’ve found doing the eraser feather thing for both lighting and shadows at this point can help add a touch of ingradience to everything and help pull it together, especially when i’m doing something that has no/minimal blending like this

add a few more details  and voila!! Woah, That’s Hair!

[t-lostinworlds]

Babied (Tom Holland)

A/N: This will be the last of the requests for now since I have my own works i need to get too aha, so the anons who sent a few, I hope you don’t mind waiting a little longer <3 anyway, here’s another fluffy piece that’s made me want to cuddle with Tom even more. Short but extra sweet. Hope you guys enjoy!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Requested:

@ anon, first off, thank you so much you sweetheart! second, thank you for waiting love, hope you like this one <3

Warnings: Just pure wholesome fluff & maybe typos

Word Count: 1.7k

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

"Where is he?" You asked the moment you stepped inside the boys' house, worry etched on your features due to the faintly morbid text Harrison has sent you.

Said lad who was sat casually on the couch with a guitar in hand, head turning once he noticed your presence to greet you with a sympathetic smile. "He hasn't left his bed unless it's for the bathroom or food."

You sighed, muttering a quick 'thank you' to Harrison before you went into the kitchen to set down your bag of goods. Once done, you filled a tall glass of water full, holding it in one hand with the meds on the other. You went straight towards Tom's room right after, silently prying the door open as you made your way inside.

You felt your heart ache at the sight of your boyfriend, all curled up into a ball under the covers. You can just hear his heavy breaths, a soft groan following suit once he shifted from lying to his side to flat on his back. You made your way towards him, handsome face now in full view, brows furrowed as he squeezed his eyes shut, unaware that he had company until you set the glass of water and medicines gently on the nightstand.

Peeking an eye open, Tom stared at you in pure surprise, blinking rapidly to see if you were actually real. "Y/N? What're you doing here?" He grumbled, voice deep and hoarse as he sniffled.

You frowned at him—at his state to be specific—in utter concern, the bed dipping as you sat on the space beside him. "Haz said you've been groaning and moaning like you're dying so I came as soon as I can."

Tom shook his head with a scoff, gradually pushing himself to sit up—a slight task given that all his muscles were sore and aching—until he was close to eye-level with you, arms resting behind him to support his weight. "That's a bit of an exaggeration."

"I don't think so. You look like shit."

Tom's face was all puffy, hair going on different directions, unruly on top of his head. His eyes looked too tired with the bags under them to match, lips all chapped, nose red due to him always rubbing it with a tissue, irritating the skin, and his whole complexion is just downright pale, drained from any color making him look sickly, still handsome of course, but sickly.

He tilted his head at you with a pout. "Well, thanks darling, I love you too."

You felt your lips quirk up at that, hand going to cup his face, the heat of his skin searing on your palm. Your frown was quick to make a comeback at the feeling.

"Have you checked your temp?"

Tom nodded with a hum and a soft sniffle, leaning into your touch like a cute puppy, wearing a tired yet soft smile, brown orbs staring at you adoringly that's made your heart melt ten times over. "Hmm, it's just a fever love, don't worry too much."

Stroking your thumb softly on his warm cheek, you gave him a knowing look. "I care about you Thomas, I'll always worry a bit more."

Tom lets out a soft chuckle, turning his head to place a sweet kiss on your palm before pulling away from your touch reluctantly. "I know. I don't want you to catch it too though."

You stood up, Tom's eyes following your movement as you took the glass of water off the nightstand and handed it to him. "I'm going to be fine Tom. Now, let me take care you."

He grinned widely at that, corners of his eyes crinkling. "Are you going to baby me? I love getting babied by you." You shook your head at him with a laugh, leaning forward to give his forehead a loving peck, Tom letting out a soft sigh of content at the gesture.

"Drink up bub, you've got to stay hydrated." You thought his grin couldn’t get any wider but it did, a cute giggle coming out of Tom as he followed your instructions, lifting up the glass to his lips and emptied it out, eyes never losing that sweet crinkle.

He truly does love being babied.

Turning to catch a glimpse of the meds, you asked. "Did you drink any medicine today?" Tom shook his head no with a sheepish smile, handing you the empty glass in the process. "I thought I could just sleep it off." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at your boy. "Of course you did."

"I'll go get you some food so you can drink some meds." After earning a soft 'okay', you made your way out of his room, and back in the kitchen to heat up the broccoli and chicken noodle soup you've already made beforehand, and as if moths on a flame, the boys came rushing in the kitchen, nose upturned to see what the tasty smell was.

"Can I have some?" Harry asked, eyes hopeful, Harrison mirroring his expression as they leaned on the kitchen counter. You knew making more than one serving was the right call, especially when Tom lives in a house full of always, hungry lads. "Yes, but don't eat it all up and leave some for your brother later."

Both boys shouted in glee at that, fussing around the kitchen to get their own spoons and bowls, lining up on your right as they waited, like kids at lunch time. You let out a laugh, head shaking at their antics.

With a tray filled with a hot bowl of soup, some ginger tea, and another glass of water later, you made your way back to Tom's room, his head perking up from the pillow the moment he heard your footsteps. A lazy smile was plastered on his lips as he watched you place the tray on his bedside table, sighing at the heavenly smell that managed to slip through his stuffed nostrils.

"I'm such a lucky guy aren't I?" He hummed as he pushed himself back up. Once his back was rested on the headboard, his whole face crinkled, one second pause before letting out a loud, hard sneeze. Tom groaned, hand reaching on the opposite nightstand towards his box of tissues, wiping himself clean and then throwing them in the bin just in front of said nightstand.

You shot him a sympathetic smile. "Bless you."

"I love you." Tom responded with a beam, extending the last vowel, voice soft and sweet with the glow in his eyes to match, and by the gods above he never does fail to make you fawn over him, even when he's ill.

"You're so adorable you know that?" You gushed, running your nimble fingers through his hair comfortingly.

"Thought I look like shit?" Tom raised his one messy brow at you, tone playfully accusing. You giggled. "You do, but still adorable nonetheless. Now scoot."

You sat on the bed once he moved, taking the bowl of soup in your hand, scooping a spoonful and lifting it up to his lips. Tom couldn’t erase the love-struck look he had on his face, his eyes boring into yours, coated with nothing but fondness, humming at the warm, comforting feeling once he ate.

"I thought you just had a fever Tom, didn't know you lost a hand too." Harry joked as he pop his head inside Tom's room. "You're just jealous 'cause you don't have a girlfriend who'd baby you." The older brother mocked, Harry letting out a loud laugh before disappearing back outside.

Once he finished as much soup that he could, you handed him the ginger tea and the meds, a sweet thank you coming out of his lips as he drank. Tom sighed in pure relief, body feeling lighter, fever slowly dropping. It filled your heart with comfort just seeing the color gradually seep back into his skin.

"Warm bath?" You offered, smiling sweetly at him and Tom stared at you, features covered with awe, utter wonder as to how he's managed to have someone like you in his life. "God, I'm so in love with you. I so badly want to kiss you but I don't want you getting sick too and argh the struggle is real darling."

A hearty laugh erupted from your chest at his input, smile all wide as you placed a chaste kiss on his temple, whispering on his skin ever so tenderly. "I love you too, you dork."

You took the dirty dishes back to the kitchen, and after that, you went straight to the bathroom to run him a bath, helping him up and off the bed next. Giggles and laughs bounced off the white tiles as he slowly undressed himself, teasing jokes thrown about before he finally slipped into the bath.

Countless times of begging, from Tom's puppy-dog eyes to his adorable pout, you gave in to his request with a sigh, stripping out of your own clothes and joining him in the tub. You talked about anything and everything, deep thoughts to something silly with Tom situated comfily between your legs, his back rested against your chest, your fingers rubbing at his temples soothingly.

Once the water started to turn cold, you two got out of the bath. Tom gave you a loving hug from behind and a sweet just below your ear, so smitten and in love before letting you go to change into fresh sets of clothes.

Now, both of you were cozily tangled on his bed, the television playing some random show just to fill up the room with soft noise. Tom laid right on top of you, his face pressed on the crook of your neck, warm air tickling your skin as he lets out a gratifying breath.

"Feel better?" You cooed, hand running up and down his back comfortingly. Tom nodded, snuggling closer to your side, placing a warm kiss on your collarbone before murmuring, voice soft and sleepy. "Loads better."

You hummed all satisfied. "Now, get some rest you big baby."

"Your baby." Tom grumbled, breath slowly steadying, indicating that he was slowly drifting off.

You giggled, nodding in agreement and giving him a loving squeeze, turning your head to press your lips on his head sweetly. With tone laced with adoration, completely enamored with the boy in your arms, heart full and oozing with pure love, you whispered,

"My baby."

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Lemme know your thoughts! <3

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2​​ @hollanddolanfangirl​​ @keepingupwiththehollands​​

[ginmo]

...This response took me a million years, because there’s so much textbook abuse and mislabeling that I was like where do I even fucking start and how do I come at this. I’m still not happy with my approach but here we go. Sorry. This is going to be long. 

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

Abuse is habitual. Everyone on the planet has either intentionally or unintentionally done an abusive act, emotionally or physically, in one of their relationships at some point in their life, but that doesn’t mean that relationship was abusive or that the pair was mutually abusive.

It’s also not uncommon for an abusive relationship to have a degree of abuse from both parties involved. Many victims will unconsciously do something abusive as an attempt to bring balance to the relationship and gain some control, but those incidents are isolated and not “habitual,” which puts them in the overall victim category. 

In this abusive relationship: 

Jaime is the main victim. Cersei is the main abuser. There’s nothing “mutual” about it.

“lmaoooo Jaime CHOSE to be in this relationship”

I’m aware that GRRM probably intended Jaime to totally jump in 100% by his choice, but that doesn’t change the fact that literally every person in an abusive relationship appears to have chosen to remain in that relationship. Hell, I knew my abuser was abusive before I even got into a relationship with him, but I did it anyway because, man, he was charming and persuasive. He unconsciously used that charm, manipulation, and seduction to keep me hooked while chipping away at my identity. Victims of abuse all have a choice, in theory, but the reality of it is messy, because there’s manipulation at play and a great degree of delusion.

Cersei is guilty of narcissistic abuse. 

It’s perfectly valid to view Cersei as a narcissist. She obviously isn’t diagnosed with anything, but I’m reading her as a textbook narcissist so… let’s play. Before I dive into all the abuse, I’m going to dig into Cersei’s narcissism, because it plays into the interpretation of their dynamic. 

“You can argue, well, does she genuinely love her children, or does she just love them because they’re her children? There’s certainly a great level of narcissism in Cersei. She has an almost sociopathic view of the world and civilization.” (Also look up: malignant narcissism and sociopathy)

GRRM then immediately makes a comparison to Jaime, contrasting their abilities to love. 

“At the same time, what Jaime did is interesting.”

He goes on to describe Jaime’s action of pushing Bran, implying he did it out of genuine love for others (since he used the word genuinely for Cersei and then compared). [x]

“LMAO BUT JAIME IS A NARCISSIST TOO” 

No lmfao. Someone can appear narcissistic at times and swing on that spectrum, but that doesn’t make them a narcissist or show they have “a great level of narcissism.” One of the main defining characteristics of a narcissist is a lack of empathy. I’m not even going to dig up all of the empathy examples, because the above comparison from GRRM should be enough to tell you he isn’t writing Jaime as a narcissist and going that route would take this way off topic. Just… read his chapters lol. You don’t even have to get far into his POVs to see empathy and how his thought process is intentionally written to be different than Cersei’s. 

Anyway, my level of sympathy for Cersei is entirely wrapped around her narcissism. To me, what’s sad here is the idea she can’t experience true intimacy and is completely unaware of it. She loves Jaime, and I truly believe she believes she loves Jaime, but in reality it’s only at the capacity that narcissism allows. 

Narcissistic Abuse: 

“Narcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame.

Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive — hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” [x]

I mean… that’s kinda sad? I feel for her in that sense, but, as the article says, “Abuse is abuse, no matter the abuser’s diagnosis.” 

Needs to Look Like Her

There are several examples of Cersei commenting on his changed appearance and how she doesn’t like it. That isn’t too weird, since people have their own personal preferences and hey, maybe she just doesn't like beards? But no. That’s not the case. She doesn’t like the changes, because it means he looks less like her. It 100% is about Jaime being male Cersei - an extension of herself. 

“Nor did Jaime help her mood when he turned up all in white and still unshaven, to tell her how he meant to keep her son from being poisoned. - AFFC

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

(and lol so tempted to go into how Jaime’s facial hair is symbolic of his identity shift and how that relates to the separation with his twin). 

“Jaime likes looking like Cersei too”

Oh does he? If that’s still so then why isn’t he shaving his beard for her? 

Has he ever been disgusted by her looks? Does he ever look at siblings and get irritated if he thinks they look more alike? When he noticed his change in appearance did he think, “I hate that we look different” or did he think, “Cersei will hate that”...? (Also, when he thinks that he would be Cersei in fucking ASOS - *pre-handchop which is pre-arc-* that’s a laughably obvious set up for the identity aspect of his arc with that belief being destroy, you dense- ...*deep breath* moving on)

I’m sure he romanticized the looks to an extent, but it’s been made clear that it’s far more important to Cersei than it is to him, since she often makes note of his change in appearance. This is even shown in a scene where Cersei is observing Loras and Margaery and getting annoyed that they look more like twins than she and Jaime do. 

For some context, Cersei was watching them dance.

“They could be twins, Cersei thought as she watched them. Ser Loras was a year older than his sister, but they had the same big brown eyes, the same thick brown hair falling in lazy ringlets to their shoulders, the same smooth unblemished skin. A ripe crop of pimples would teach them some humility. Loras was taller and had a few wisps of soft brown fuzz on his face, and Margaery had a woman’s shape, but elsewise they were more alike than she and Jaime. 

That annoyed her too. -AFFC”

Narcissistic abuse includes emotional and physical and is used as an umbrella term for the two when they’re done by a narcissist, therefore slightly changing the context of the abuse. 

I’m not going to pretend that GRRM sat down with a sexual narcissist checklist, created from the hours of research through his dinosaur computer, BUT he clearly is aware of basic narcissistic and abusive dynamics. It’s… really not that hard. And even if you don’t think he consciously did it, her behaviors are still aligned.

“LmAo CeRsEi’S ‘EvIL VaGiNa’ - MiSoGyNiStS!”

…manipulation through sex is an actual fucking thing that’s genderless.

Right lmfao this is going to be long.

“A sexual narcissist is a person who uses sex as a tool to emotionally manipulate their victims to get what they want.”

People admit that she uses sex as a tool to get stuff done, claiming its her form of power in the patriarchy. What they fail to consider is that Cersei does this frequently to Jaime - a person who is meant to be her lover - which… makes him a victim of narcissistic abuse. Don’t believe me? 

I’m going to be using this article to break apart sexual narcissism. If you want more just research. They all pretty much say the same thing, but I chose this one because I prefer the structure. The article breaks examples into categories: 

Sex is used to manipulate/persuade

Excessive focus on physical over emotional

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs

Constantly Puts You Down

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

Treats You Poorly / Neglects You After Sex

Infidelity, Violence, and Sexual Addiction  

This whole post has been a nightmare to organize. Tbh most of the examples I’ll use fall under MULTIPLE categories. The scenes are like fucking Russian dolls of abuse. Or like… Abuse Inception. Abuse within abuse within abuse, so I had to just pick and choose which ones to put where. 

Charming and Romantic – But with a Catch 

“Many sexual narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship, when they’re trying to win you over. Like a master salesperson, they use charisma to get your attention, flattery to make you feel special, seduction (flirting, gifts, dinners, get-aways, etc.) to lift you off your feet, and persuasion to get you to give them what they want. Some sexual narcissists are very good in bed (at least they think they are), for sex is used as a tool to impress, entrap, and manipulate.

While there’s absolutely nothing wrong inherently with being charming, romantic, and a good lover, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only what he wants to extract from you (often to fulfill an inner emptiness due to the inability to create true intimacy).”

You can even find some meta that almost word for word says what’s described above, but they erase her doing this to Jaime - her partner- and frame these actions as feminist lol. 

Eel Alley. 

“But,” Jaime said, “there’s Casterly Rock …” 

“Is it a rock you want? Or me?” 

She then starts to seduce him to show him what he can have, to have the scale weigh in her favor. Manipulation through sex.

“He remembered that night as if it were yesterday. They spent it in an old inn on Eel Alley, well away from watchful eyes. Cersei had come to him dressed as a simple serving wench, which somehow excited him all the more. Jaime had never seen her more passionate. Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - AFFC

There's no indication whatsoever that Jaime had any intent to NOT wed and be Lord of Casterly Rock. He wasn’t really into Lysa but he never straight up refused to take on the role he was born into. In fact, he even kinda fancied Catelyn lol.

“Lord Hoster kept me for a fortnight whilst mulling his reply, and sat me beside his daughter Lysa at every meal.” 

“Small wonder you took the white. I’d have done the same.” 

“Oh, Lysa was not so fearsome as all that.” She had been a pretty girl, in truth; dimpled and delicate, with long auburn hair. Timid, though. Prone to tongue-tied silences and fits of giggles, with none of Cersei’s fire. Her older sister had seemed more interesting, though Catelyn was promised to some northern boy, the heir of Winterfell …”

And lol

“but at that age, no girl interested Jaime half so much as Hoster’s famous brother, who had won renown fighting the Ninepenny Kings upon the Stepstones.” - AFFC

He doesn’t even say, “but at that age, no girl interested Jaime so much as Cersei.” No. The Blackfish. Had Catelyn been unbetrothed, it’s not a stretch to think that Jaime would have been entertained by the idea of their betrothal. This was before Cersei seduced him at Eel Alley.

“hE GaVe HiS ConSenT”

Yeah, after she manipulated him through sex LOL. IT’S RIGHT THERE. 

“Jaime always wanted to join the KG!” 

“He had joined the Kingsguard for love, of course”.-ASOS

(HEY! Just like that tall, blonde, “beauty” he’s been hanging out with HHMM)

He wasn’t going to join the KG before Cersei gave him “love,” which is why he was asking about Casterly Rock and talking about Tywin, as if this was an idea he hadn’t thought of before. (Knight and KG are not synonymous). He joined “for love” AFTER she gave him intimacy, showing him what he could have if he agreed to stay by her side forever. 

She even murdered Melara -HER FRIEND- for saying she wanted to marry Jaime one day. She kept trying to rob Jaime of a life outside of her, and yes I use the word “rob,” because it was through narcissistic abuse. She literally turned up the passion and kept waking him up with sex until he gave his consent. 

And “by morning” Casterly Rock was “a small price to pay.” A SMALL PRICE TO PAY. That means it was worth something of value to him and then “by morning,” after she woke him up over and over and over until he agreed, it became a “small price.” 

Also keep in mind that when Cersei was begging Jaime to join the KG to be close to her, she was legitimately crushing hard on Rhaegar not long before... she’s allowed to fantasize about marriage with Rhaegar, but Jaime isn’t allowed to fit his role and marry?

“once she had drawn a picture of herself flying behind Rhaegar on a dragon, her arms wrapped tight about his chest. When Jaime had discovered it she told him it was Queen Alysanne and King Jaehaerys. [...] By night the prince played his silver harp and made her weep. When she had been presented to him, Cersei had almost drowned in the depths of his sad purple eyes. He has been wounded, she recalled thinking, but I will mend his hurt when we are wed. Next to Rhaegar, even her beautiful Jaime had seemed no more than a callow boy. The prince is going to be my husband, she had thought, giddy with excitement, and when the old king dies I’ll be the queen.” -AFFC

Like… fuck… 

Later on, when Jaime is developing into his own being and becoming aware of the bs, the Eel Alley scene is brought up again.

“Cersei.” He spoke slowly, like a man waking from a dream, still wondering where he was. “What hour is it?” 

“The hour of the wolf.” His sister lowered her hood, and made a face. “The drowned wolf, perhaps.” She smiled for him, so sweetly.” 

There’s the use of charm. Normally you could argue that she was honestly happy to see him. But what does she say next and what does he associate with that encounter? 

“Do you remember the first time I came to you like this? It was some dismal inn off Weasel Alley, and I put on servant’s garb to get past Father’s guards.”

 “I remember. It was Eel Alley.” She wants something of me. “Why are you here, at this hour? What would you have of me?” His last word echoed up and down the sept, mememememememememememe, fading to a whisper. For a moment he dared to hope that all she wanted was the comfort of his arms.”

And he wasn’t wrong. She did want something from him. So no. It’s not in his head. 

“Jaime, Kevan has refused me. He will not serve as Hand [...] “You must be Tommen’s Hand.” -AFFC

This time he realizes what she’s doing. Using her outfit, she’s causing a recall to a past manipulative event that worked, exposing her intent, which is why Jaime immediately recognizes it as something she wants from him. This also implies that he now views their encounter at Eel Alley as Cersei wanting something of him since the two encounters were directly associated.

Here’s another moment of manipulation by a sexual narcissist.

“My sister wanted the girl to lose a hand. The old penalty, for striking one of the blood royal. Robert told her she was cruel and mad. They fought for half the night … well, Cersei fought, and Robert drank. Past midnight, the queen summoned me inside.”

Failing to get Robert to side with her and do something, she then summoned Jaime to give him the attention she knows he wants. You see where I’m going here?

“The king was passed out snoring on the Myrish carpet. I asked my sister if she wanted me to carry him to bed. She told me I should carry her to bed, and shrugged out of her robe. I took her on Raymun Darry’s bed after stepping over Robert. If His Grace had woken I would have killed him there and then. He would not have been the first king to die upon my sword … but you know that story, don’t you?” He slashed at a tree branch, shearing it in half. “As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, ‘I want.’ I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead.” The things I do for love. - AFFC

This isn’t Jaime interpreting the incident incorrectly. This is character growth. 

GRRM is speaking through Jaime by destroying the illusion and becoming aware of the reality he has been living. Because the lights are turning on for him, the things I do for love can take on a new meaning here. It’s more like the things I do to earn intimacy. He’s jogging down memory lane and realizing that every time (shown or told about in the books) she approached him she was trying to get something from him or trying to get him to agree with her. There was always a motive apart from a genuine desire to give and receive love, no strings attached. 

Excessive Focus on Physical Over Emotional 

“The sexual narcissist’s style of love-making is often focused on appearance and image, with a keen dislike for flaws and weaknesses from oneself or the partner. The love-making is less about two human beings connecting, and more about measuring up to idealized expectations. Try as the sexual narcissist might at physical grandiosity, there’s inevitably something missing in their performance: genuine human emotions.”

Mm yes.Going back to this as an example:

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

“The Targaryens wed brother to sister for three hundred years, to keep the bloodlines pure. And Jaime and I are more than brother and sister. We are one person in two bodies. We shared a womb together. He came into this world holding my foot, our old maester said. When he is in me, I feel … whole.” - AGOT

“I need you. I need my other half.” He could hear the rain pattering against the windows high above. “You are me, I am you. I need you with me. In me. Please, Jaime. Please.” - AFFC

People use Cersei’s romanticized twin comments as evidence to show that she genuinely loves Jaime. This also can connect to the GRRM quote mentioned above about her genuine love capabilities which can be argued as “lol no”. 

She does not have “genuine human emotions,” because her words and feelings are from a narcissistic desire to be whole through the idea that Jaime is an extension of herself. So… yeah, if she thinks Jaime is herself as a male (“you are me, I am you”), then she’s missing half of her until he’s inside her, making her whole. Her, her, her, her. 

Also, that’s a move to try to strip him of his own identity, his own person, and is a fucking massive red flag that this is how the relationship began. Does he ever try to persuade her to do shit by reminding her that they’re the same person? Like ffs. 

She does this while trying to manipulate him using sex. He’s not listening to her, so she begs him to be inside her. Hey, why not? We’ve seen this work before. 

“Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - ASOS

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs. 

“After the initial courtship period during which he or she tries to impress and please, a sexual narcissist may begin to demand that you cater primarily to his own selfish needs. He may expect you to be “on call”

Okay I bolded that “on call” bit, because she does go to him when she wants something, and then gets hella mad when he refuses. But I know some people will use this to be like BuT JaImE TaKeS hEr WhEn He WaNts and like.. Yeah, fair enough, you can make that argument, but… that’s leaving out context. He goes to her because she’s withholding intimacy and only initiates when she wants something from him. I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say it does fit. Remember what I said in the beginning that it’s not uncommon for victims to act in ways that are problematic (hate that word) to try to get back some control? Yeah. Apply this here. His unhealthy response is a reaction to her using intimacy as a tool.

“and satisfy sexual desires at his pleasure, require you to engage in sexual acts which only he enjoys [doesn’t really apply], or demand that you limit your other activities to be more available. Rather than being an individual with your own thoughts, feelings and priorities. The sexual narcissist expects you to exist merely as an extension of his or her wishes. ” 

Cersei resents Jaime for disagreeing with her and thinking on his own. Literally the “you are me” bs and how she gets really angry when he begins to challenge her and goes against her wishes. She views him as someone who needs to cater to her, All he’s doing for her to slap and throw nasty words and cups at him is just... not doing what she asks him to do... his existence in Cersei’s life is simply to cater to her. 

Constantly Puts You Down 

“In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. In a sexual relationship, some (but not all) narcissists may also target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization. By subjecting the partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist is able to exercise a greater degree of dominance and manipulation.” 

I mean… Do I really need to provide examples here? This is actually similar to the next one, so I’m going to put my examples there.

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

“Since many sexual narcissists can't stand disappointment or rejection, they will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, in the way they want it. Some of the common responses include:

Anger – Tantrum. Negative judgment. Personal attacks. Ridicule.

Passive-Aggression – The cold shoulder. The silent treatment. Withhold of love and affection [which ties in to withholding intimacy examples I provided above]. Sarcasm. Calculated separation.

Emotional Coercion – Blame. Guilt trip. Calling the partner ungrateful. Threaten to withhold love and intimacy (such as it is). Pretend narcissistic victimhood.

None of these responses are those of a mature, reasonable adult. The sexual narcissist, by acting like a petulant child or a bully, hopes the drama and manipulation will hook you back in, so you’ll once again “belong” to him or her.”

Some of this is physical abuse too, so I’m sticking those under here. And yes, slapping counts as physical abuse and it doesn’t matter who the hell does it.

“Rule? I said naught of ruling. I shall rule until my son comes of age.” 

“I don’t know who I pity more,” her brother said. “Tommen, or the Seven Kingdoms.” She slapped him. Jaime’s arm rose to catch the blow, cat-quick … but this cat had a cripple’s stump in place of a right hand. Her fingers left red marks on his cheek. - AFFC

Keep in mind that every time Jaime’s reflex goes to his face to block a blow it’s a sign that this is a behavior he’s used to. Sometimes people use the, “I don’t know who I pity more” line as well for “mutual abuse.” Context and… where’s the lie? Lmao. 

Most of the time he’s being straight with her. Snarky ass? Sure. Abusive? No. Intent is key. She puts him down to shame him and attempts to decrease his self-worth. This is a control move, because she throws cruel words at him when she is unsuccessful in getting what she wants. He sometimes calls her a fool and one time asks if she’s drunk or stupid, because she’s legit spiraling into a paranoia and he’s going wtf lol. He’s not trying to make her dependent on him through the use of his poor language. 

Anyway, back to physical.

Jaime felt his anger rising. “True, Loras does not leer at your teats the way Ser Osmund does, but I hardly think—” 

“Think about this.” Cersei slapped his face. Jaime made no attempt to block the blow. 

“I see I need a thicker beard, to cushion me against my queen’s caresses.” He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses. He’d done it before, back when he had two good hands.”

People love to use this against Jaime. Ffs. He’s literally trying to fucking defend himself from physical abuse by trying to diffuse the situation through sex, turning “blows to kisses.” This is one of those messy situations where it’s a victim trying to gain back control in an unhealthy, arguably abusive way. Does that make them anywhere near “mutually” abusive as if they’re 50/50? LMFAO no.

“Would Your Grace honor her white knight with a dance?” She gave him a withering look. “And have you fumbling at me with that stump? No. I will let you fill my wine cup for me, though. If you think you can manage it without spilling.” - AFFC

She turns him down with her disgust over his missing hand and then allows him to fill her cup I- 

“Get out, I said. I am sick of looking at that ugly stump of yours. Get out!” To speed him on his way, she heaved her wine cup at his head. She missed, but Jaime took the hint.” - AFFC

Alright this big one… 

WST:

“You mustn’t let Father take him from me. Jaime, please. 

“I can talk to him, but he will not listen …” 

“He will if you agree to leave the Kingsguard.” 

“I’m not leaving the Kingsguard.” His sister fought back tears. 

“Jaime, you’re my shining knight. You cannot abandon me when I need you most! He is stealing my son, sending me away … and unless you stop him, Father is going to force me to wed again!” 

Guilt tripping and playing up the loving language. 

Also, off topic, but I just want to point out that it’s funny Cersei came to him in Eel Alley to persuade him to join the KG to be with her. Jaime said they can’t get Tywin’s approval, so then she fucks him all night and he agrees. They played as lovers before that moment, but that was the night that sealed their affair to one another, to remove himself off the market and stay by her side forever. In this scene, she’s coming to him to ask him to LEAVE the KG, knowing Tywin would approve, and when he’s questioning the idea she tries to have sex with him, BUT he refuses her so her plan doesn’t work, making this moment the solid beginning of their downfall lmao. The opposite of Eel Alley. 

“It makes no matter who they wed me to, I want you at my side, I want you in my bed, I want you inside me. Nothing has changed between us.” 

Increasing the level of manipulation through intimacy since her previous persuasive strategy wasn’t working.

“Let me prove it to you.” She pushed up his tunic and began to fumble with the laces of his breeches. Jaime felt himself responding. 

“No,” he said, “not here.” They had never done it in White Sword Tower, much less in the Lord Commander’s chambers. “Cersei, this is not the place.” 

“You took me in the sept. This is no different.”

She drew out his cock and bent her head over it. Jaime pushed her away with the stump of his right hand. “No. Not here, I said.” He forced himself to stand. For an instant he could see confusion in her bright green eyes, and fear as well. Then rage replaced it.

Angry reaction due to refusal of sex. Childish reaction from not getting what she wants which quickly turns into bullying.

Cersei gathered herself together, got to her feet, straightened her skirts. “Was it your hand they hacked off in Harrenhal, or your manhood?” As she shook her head, her hair tumbled around her bare white shoulders. “I was a fool to come. You lacked the courage to avenge Joffrey, why would I think that you’d protect Tommen? Tell me, if the Imp had killed all three of your children, would that have made you wroth?” 

Lol people thinking she was there to hang out with him. She admits to only being in there to ask something of him. “I was a fool to come.” Don’t miss out on the angry, nasty response because she was rejected and couldn’t use her favorite go-to manipulation tactic. 

“You great golden fool. He’s lied to you a thousand times, and so have I.” [...]

“You had best go, Cersei. You’re making me angry.” 

“Oh, an angry cripple. How terrifying.” She laughed. “A pity Lord Tywin Lannister never had a son. I could have been what he wanted, but I lacked the cock. And speaking of such, best tuck yours away, brother. It looks rather sad and small, hanging from your breeches like that.” 

She’s trying to establish superiority by attempting to break him down, using his disability against him and attacking his manhood. 

More?

“Gold? Or silver?” Cersei plucked a hair from beneath his chin and held it up. It was grey. “All the color is draining out of you, brother. You’ve become a ghost of what you were, a pale crippled thing. And so bloodless, always in white.” She flicked the hair away. “I prefer you garbed in crimson and gold.” - AFFC

I mean…I think that’s enough. 

 lol jk 

“Tell him what has happened, and write … write …” 

“Yes, Your Grace?” She licked her lips, shivering. “Come at once. Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.” 

“As you command. ‘I love you’ thrice?” 

“Thrice.” She had to reach him. “He will come. I know he will. He must. Jaime is my only hope.” 

“My queen,” said Qyburn, “have you … forgotten? Ser Jaime has no sword hand. If he should champion you and lose …” 

We will leave this world together, as we once came into it. “He will not lose. Not Jaime. Not with my life at stake.” - AFFC

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHE

FUCKING

THOUGHT

ABOUT 

HOW TO WORD IT

TO GET HIM TO COME BACK

SHE CONSCIOUSLY, FORMULATED A PLAN TO WRITE “I LOVE YOU” 

SPECIFICALLY THREE TIMES 

TO “REACH HIM.” 

SHE. LITERALLY. ADMITS. TO MANIPULATING HIM. THROUGH EMOTIONS. 

“Come at once,” she said. “Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.”

 Vyman was hovering by the door, waiting, and Jaime sensed that Peck was watching too. “Does my lord wish to answer?” the maester asked, after a long silence. A snowflake landed on the letter. As it melted, the ink began to blur. Jaime rolled the parchment up again, as tight as one hand would allow, and handed it to Peck.

 “No,” he said. “Put this in the fire.”-AFFC

And Jaime had so much character growth by that point that IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK LMAO. Her game isn’t working anymore. And not only is she trying to manipulate him through loving words, she’s also NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT HIS LIFE OUTSIDE OF HERSELF, because she’s acknowledging that if she’s going down then she’s taking him with her. T

he loving thing to do would be, “Jaime, I won’t allow you to be my champion. You’re missing your good hand and can’t win. I don’t want to be the one to cause your death.” But Cersei never gave a shit about his life outside of her so... not a shocker. (Also I just lmao that around the same time Cersei is trying to get Jaime to come back for his death sentence, Brienne is out there willing to literally hang by a noose to save him. Great contrast.)

On to Jaime… 

I did a bit of research to see why the fuck people think Jaime is abusive towards Cersei. Almost all of the examples involve their type of sex play, his thoughts (WHAT LMAO), and… not understanding the difference between toxicity and abuse. Abuse is always toxic, but toxicity isn’t always abusive. 

I’ve been in both an abusive and toxic relationship and the difference was that my partner in the toxic one wasn’t trying to establish constant control through various different methods. He wasn’t using me for his own gain or trying to make me feel like garbage about myself. He didn’t become physical when I went against him. In my non-abuse toxic one, we were like each other’s “drug.” Extreme highs and lows, propping each other up on a pedestal, losing ourselves within the relationship by wrapping our happiness around the other. The twins are definitely toxic, mutually, but some of Jaime’s unhealthy behaviors are confused with abuse and, ironically, his more questionable actions stem from Cersei’s abuse on him. 

Quoting this again since it’s like a million pages up:

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

There is a difference between UNHEALTHY/TOXIC and ABUSIVE. 

Don’t come at me about the patriarchy being the reason why Cersei can’t be abusive towards Jaime (yes… I’ve actually seen that hot take). Within their own personal dynamic, Cersei has power over Jaime just by the nature of him being in the KG. She literally uses her position to tell him where to go and what to do, and even oversteps her boundaries sometimes by giving orders for him. 

As stated above, she manipulated him into joining the KG with implied promises of being together always. She then had affairs behind his back, used intimacy to persuade him, and cruelly put him down when he didn’t want to do the things she asked of him. That’s Cersei trying to maintain control of their dynamic. This is a “pattern of behavior” that dates back to at least Eel Alley. 

Unhealthy/Toxic

There isn’t a clear line when a relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive. This means it might be hard to figure out what kind of relationship you’re in. Remember that abuse is all about power and control. An unhealthy relationship might involve a power imbalance, being mean, ignoring boundaries [x]

Unhealthy behaviors can appear to be abusive behaviors, and certain toxic acts can turn into abusive over time, but they’re not the same thing.

For Jaime’s side of the “abuse,” he falls more often into the “unhealthy” category. I’m going to respond to a meta I came across recently.

“Jaime has channelled all his sexual desire into Cersei for most of his life (even thinking “I’ve been too long away from Cersei” when he experiences some arousal upon seeing Brienne naked), and that is not something one partner should put upon another. He judges the attractiveness of other women in reference to Cersei: Brienne, once, and Hildy the sex worker in ADWD. Cersei is a person, not a standard of idealised beauty.”

People twist the entire context to make him appear to be somehow abusive in a situation that actually…. sounds like a victim. Cersei wants that level of devotion from Jaime (and so do some of her stans), which is literally exactly why they don’t think Jaime and Brienne are a love story and why Cersei is like LMAO HER? Jaime would never leave me for that creature! SHE’S UGLY. 

She lived her whole life knowing that Jaime only had eyes for her, and the irony of “not a standard of idealised beauty” is that Cersei wants to be the standard of idealised beauty. He’s not “putting” anything on her. He’s reflecting what she wants and what has been reinforced since childhood. 

Besides that, I don’t see why it’s so wrong for Jaime to think Cersei is the most beautiful woman on the planet lol. And way to miss the entire fucking point, because the point is that YEAH, their entire relationship is superficial. Superficiality is unhealthy to an extent, but it’s not “abusive.” Jaime has only been with one woman his entire life and now he’s finally starting to encounter women away from his sister, so of course he’s going to compare. It’s like if you never left your town but one day decided to venture out into the world outside of it. You’re going to compare the buildings, the culture, etc because your mind is going to be expanding. 

“ Until late in ASoS, he does not value his Kingsguard vows except as they allow him to be close to her. (Again, mutually abusive relationship; Cersei’s actions were vital in getting him into this position where he has nothing but her.)”

HOW IS THIS ABUSIVE ON JAIME’S END? And I already discussed how she manipulated him into that situation with Casterly Rock being something of value to him. 

“Cersei has no meaningful relationships with anyone or anything outside of Jaime and her children. This is bad for both of them. So much of their emotional energy goes into each other, fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people, and reinforcing the sense that the relationship is the only thing of value in their lives.”

Yeah! It is! And since Jaime is in the KG because Cersei convinced him to join, and she literally murdered her friend because the girl expressed wanting to marry Jaime, I WONDER WHY JAIME HAS NO FUCKING LIFE OUTSIDE OF CERSEI? As for Cersei, she CHOOSES to limit herself to Lannisters. Jaime isn’t forcing her to not have friends what the actual fuck. Cersei murders her friends lmfao. 

This is unhealthy, not abusive, on Jaime’s end. HE isn’t the one “fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people.” As explained above, CERSEI is the one repeating this over and over, using it to convince him, to control, to attempt to rob him of his identity when he tries to stray. So on Cersei’s end, yeah, that’s abuse.

“For all his idealisation of her and their relationship, Jaime’s trust in Cersei is also a very brittle thing. When Tyrion tells Jaime “she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know,” while still believing Cersei’s declaration that Tyrion has “lied to you a thousand times, and so have I” was “a clumsy attempt to hurt him,” he doesn’t do what someone in a healthy relationship would do, and ask her. Whatever trust he has in her vanishes in two sentences, one about Cersei’s honesty, one about her fidelity.”

And… his… lack of trust was justified anyway? LMAO. He even thinks at some point that Tyrion IS lying. And when he’s away from Cersei in ASOS, he doesn’t imagine her fucking other people while he’s gone, because he trusted her. He genuinely believes that she’s faithful to him (which is precisely why he felt so betrayed). But he also trusts Tyrion, so he went back and forth, wondering wtf was the truth.

AND HOW THE FUCK IS LACK OF TRUST ABUSIVE? This is another case of IT’S UNHEALTHY to have little to no trust in your relationship. Not abusive ffs (!!!)

“Jaime is abusive because he coerces her into sex”

BTW, a person who laughed at me and said this also is a huge twincest shipper which… why… do you… romanticize it and claim their love to be True.. If… you think… he does that?!

Pretty much everyone brings up “sexual coercion.” And you know what? Fair. 

But... Jaime and Cersei are drawn to a messy push-pull sex play. She says no and then “weakley” pushes him away. 

There were soft, wet sounds. Bran realized they were kissing. He watched, wide-eyed and frightened, his breath tight in his throat. The man had a hand down between her legs, and he must have been hurting her there, because the woman started to moan, low in her throat. “Stop it,” she said, “stop it, stop it. Oh, please …” But her voice was low and weak, and she did not push him away. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, his tangled golden hair, and pulled his face down to her breast. -AGOT

This is GRRM trying to clarify that this is their messy sex dynamic. I mean, he has a fucking little kid observe this all “oh hey but she isn’t pushing him away guys! It’s all good, guys! That’s just them!” Like he’s taking down notes. The 4th wall being broken here is almost jarring. 

This sounds a lot like the scene at WF. 

“No,” she said weakly when his lips moved down her neck, “not here. The septons …” 

“The Others can take the septons.” He kissed her again, kissed her silent, kissed her until she moaned. Then he knocked the candles aside and lifted her up onto the Mother’s altar, pushing up her skirts and the silken shift beneath. She pounded on his chest with feeble fists, murmuring about the risk, the danger, about their father, about the septons, about the wrath of gods. He never heard her. He undid his breeches and climbed up and pushed her bare white legs apart. One hand slid up her thigh and underneath her smallclothes. When he tore them away, he saw that her moon’s blood was on her, but it made no difference. “Hurry,” she was whispering now, “quickly, quickly, now, do it now, do me now. Jaime Jaime Jaime.” Her hands helped guide him. “Yes,” Cersei said as he thrust, “my brother, sweet brother, yes, like that, yes, I have you, you’re home now, you’re home now, you’re home.” She kissed his ear and stroked his short bristly hair. Jaime lost himself in her flesh. He could feel Cersei’s heart beating in time with his own, and the wetness of blood and seed where they were joined. - ASOS

In both scenes she’s weakly protesting which implies it’s a form of their sex play, and she’s being turned on by him “taking” her. This depiction of sex was actually really trendy in the media not too long ago, so honestly the sex scenes for this “edgey couple” just exposes his age. That push-pull, yes/no, “he can’t resist me” wasn’t nearly as controversial as it is now. He was literally writing what used to be seen as hot. It obviously did not age well. 

And GRRM never meant for Jaime to be interpreted as a rapist.  

"If the show had retained some of Cersei's dialogue from the books, it might have left a somewhat different impression – but that dialogue was very much shaped by the circumstances of the books, delivered by a woman who is seeing her lover again for the first time after a long while apart during which she feared he was dead. I am not sure it would have worked with the new timeline. That's really all I can say on this issue. The scene was always intended to be disturbing … but I do regret if it has disturbed people for the wrong reasons." [x]

“Jaime thinks of her as a whore”

WHY IS THERE A THOUGHT POLICE? How is it abuse that he thinks a word with zero abusive action attached to it?? And like fuck LMAO Cersei is the one that goes off with the word “whore” quite often, in a misogynistic way. 

What’s even stupider is when Jaime thinks of her as a “whore,” he’s just reciting what Tyrion told him, word for word. The words came from Tyrion, so Tyrion’s words are playing out in his mind.

“Cersei is a lying whore, she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know. And I am the monster they all say I am. Yes, I killed your vile son.” - AFFC

Oh, how Tyrion was sniggering.… a lying whore … fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack … - AFFC

And he even removes the whore bit. 

“If so, we might have coaxed the truth from them.” … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Ser Osmund Kettleblack paced beside them in his white enamel plate and white wool cloak. “… she been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know …” - AFFC

Jaime could feel his phantom fingers itching at the sight of him.… fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Strong and vigorous and handsome, Jaime thought.… she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

He wanted to kiss her, carry her to her bedchamber, throw her on the bed … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy … - AFFC

That only made her laugh. “We all have secrets, brother,” she replied. … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Now there’s this time where he says, 

Jaime gave a shrug. “My apologies if I mistook you for something you’re not. My little brother has known a hundred whores, I’m sure, but I’ve only ever bedded one.” -ADWD

OMG EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING NOW IT’S TIME TO OFFICIALLY STAMP HIM AS A MISOGYNIST AND THIS AS MUTUAL ABUSE towards someone who isn’t even fucking there and for bitterly thinking of his cheating partner as a whore in a world that throws that word around like it’s candy at a parade. 

Since “whore” in Westeros is more loosely thrown around than it is in our world, the incredibly hurt and angry Jaime thinking she’s a whore for sleeping with multiple people behind his back is not that fucking wild. Do I think that's sexist? Yeah. Do I think it’s healthy? No. Do I think it’s a realistic response that a very hurt person would think, especially in a world where it’s a common term? Absolutely. 

“He dreams about hurting her though so lol he’s clearly violent against her”

(yes I’ve unfortunately seen this a lot)

Hey all... I have a confession to make... 

I dreamed about pushing a certain politician in front of a bus and bashing D&D’s teeth in. I also had a dream where I kicked my sister because she ate my last piece of cheesecake. I’m so sorry. Please lock me up and throw away the key until it’s time for me to be executed. 

Last night he dreamed he’d found her fucking Moon Boy. He’d killed the fool and smashed his sister’s teeth to splinters with his golden hand, just as Gregor Clegane had done to poor Pia. -AFFC

… he DREAMED it. 

PEOPLE ARE FUCKING USING THIS AS EVIDENCE FOR MUTUAL ABUSE BECAUSE HE DREAMED IT.  

You know partly why? Because they THINK he’s going to murder her or harm her, so they’re prematurely calling him abusive and removing literally all the context because... IT HASN’T HAPPENED. They’re essentially accusing a man of doing something before he even does it without even knowing FOR SURE if he’s even going to do it, USING THIS DREAM TO ACCUSE HIM LOL. 

god THIS FUCKING FANDOM I- 

DREAMS. ARE NOT. ABUSE

I’mcryingwhydoIhavetosaythat

Not only is it in a dream, but like, idk, why do you think he’s having those violent dreams? Did she do something to really hurt him so his pain is manifesting in his subconscious as violence? IDK just a wild guess! Maybe he specifically thought about smashing her teeth in, because just previously they were speaking about how Ser Gregor did the same thing to Pia. You know... kinda like me dreaming about angrily pushing my cheating ex down the stairs after I watched a murder mystery documentary where someone was pushed down a flight of stairs. (Oh but my ex was a man, so it’s just viewed as a dream). 

… the cringe of the thought police... 

Yeah. I’m done. I didn’t even dig up all of Cersei’s instances of abuse and this thing is like fucking 20 pages long. So even IF you view Jaime’s thoughts (!!!!) as abusive and IF you believe he was full on coercing or raping her, they still aren’t nearly MUTUALLY abusive, as in 50/50 abuse, and I’m just going to circle back around to what I said in the beginning about the main victims reacting in problematic ways. 

Anyway. I always start these as calm and cool and then end with all caps and a glass of wine to chill me out. All I have left to say about whatever that “mutually abusive” meta was is

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “The Enemy of Trust”

Welcome to the finale, folks! A quick fun fact for you all. Total length of RWBY Recaps Volume 7 is:

68,611 words, or 115 pages single spaced. Yeesh. No wonder I never got anything else done on Saturdays.

Overall thoughts on the finale? There are pieces embedded in this episode that I really liked. Meaning, all these conflicts and reveals could be seen as truly wonderful bits of storytelling... provided you ignore the horrible, messy context it’s all situated in. For example, I greatly enjoyed that fight with Neo... provided I ignore the stupidity that was the group keeping the relic in the first place. I love the idea of Penny becoming the Winter Maiden... it’s just too bad there wasn’t any setup for that in the form of Penny’s emotional growth, either by re-bonding with Ruby or by something amounting from that frame job. I adore that Ozpin is finally back!! ...So I guess I just have to ignore how he pretty much only existed as thematic exposition and that his bad treatment by the writers hangs over his return. It’s all very “Could have been good if the rest hadn’t been so astoundingly bad.”

First though, before the plot, I wanted to dip by toe into some of the questions we went into this volume with and some of the primary ones that sprung up along the way. Simple answers are attached.

Will the group’s dangerous attitude be addressed along with the introduced hypocrisy in regards to secret keeping? Ha! Not at all. Everything was thoroughly reinforced and last we saw the group---besides generic airship shots---they were triumphantly defeating Ironwood’s evil Ace Ops. So that’s that on that.

Will Ozpin come back and will there be reconciliation with the group? Yes! But also no! Why have a volume tackling with the biggest personal conflict the group has ever faced when you could instead just have another “Ozpin speaks a handful of words during a life-and-death situation”? Yes, yes he gets that massive monologue. We’ll get to that, but suffice to say it doesn’t exactly accomplish anything. Just hammers home how desperate I am to have his character back that I’ll take anything they’re willing to give me.

How will the group handle the death of Adam---one of the most significant deaths to date next to Pyrrha’s---and how will the reveal of his brand impact Weiss and her time at home? It won’t. Blake and Yang vaguely reference him once and that’s it. Apparently killing your abuser in self-defense creates no lasting trauma we should deal with and major reveals from villains straight up don’t matter.

What will the story do with their new character Maria? Uh, nothing. She exists off screen for the entire volume, only popping up in the last second to (maybe?) help Pietro get the scrolls working again. Oh, and she’s stolen another airship.

How will Qrow’s alcoholism continue to impact the group and how will he learn to start managing his addiction? No idea because that happened off screen. And then was presumably erased when Clover died.

Will the group ever discuss the hopelessness attached to their mission and come to the realization that their fight is worthwhile even though they can’t kill Salem? Sort of...? Because yeah they come to that realization but, again, it happens off screen. More significantly, it happens so well, apparently, that the group is now willing to feed Ironwood’s own false hope (like the fandom claims Ozpin did to them) and will be able to stand in front of Salem herself and announce that she’s totally beatable. And we’re going to risk a whole Kingdom on that came-out-of-nowhere confidence.

What does the Staff of Creation do and how will our characters potentially use it in their plans against Salem? We learn that the staff keeps Atlas afloat and it’s definitely a part of Ironwood’s plans, so there’s that.

How will Ruby continue to train and improve her Silver Eye powers? In the messiest and most contradictory manner possible. We’re shown twice in the last three episodes that she can’t get them to work and then suddenly they’re working again when the plot wants Cinder to skedaddle because there’s five minutes of the episode left. Like Qrow’s semblance, Ruby’s eyes are based on a switch that the writers turn on or off depending on their whim.

What will this volume tell us about Nora given all the hype surrounding the importance of her character this season? Nothing, really. All Nora does is solidify her relationship with Ren in a non-consenting manner and yell at Ironwood about Mantle while helping to orchestrate the city’s lack of resources. Even ignoring the issues inherent in these scenes, what we “learned” about Nora this volume is that she loves Ren, is protective of those who come from a similar background as she does, and will run to hug Oscar when given the chance. So...nothing. 

Now the reason I provided this long-ass introduction is so that a) we can remember what we actually hoped/expected the volume to accomplish now that we’ve reached the end (RWBY introduces so many things that viewers---myself included---outright forget that we were supposed to tackle certain plot points or character beats) and b) to demonstrate just some of the writing problems that are impacting this finale. This is what I mean when I say that this finale could have been really solid if not for... all of that. And “that” is just a small sampling of the issues we’ve built up over the last two years. 

But on to the actual plot.

We open on Jaune yelling, “Give up!” at Neo, which isn’t a heavy-handed reflection of the entire RWBYJNR group or anything. As said though, I did really enjoy the choreography of this fight. Oscar gets that excellent moment where he catches the relic with his cane, as well as when he grabs hold of Neo’s legs to keep her from fleeing. Jaune manages to protect them with two different kinds of shields now embedded in his shield. It’s a shield-shield. And Neo herself is always a joy to watch, demonstrating so much personality as she teases her way through each attack. I was thinking throughout this scene that I’d love to see her and Tyrian fighting together. That would be an excellent blend of insane/arrogant enjoyment.

The problem is that Neo is just having such an easy time of it. Which, I should be clear, is what I wanted based on the logic of the situation. Neo should be able to kick their asses with relative ease. The only reason why this is an issue is because it severely complicates what we saw last episode. How was Oscar able to survive her attack for however long? How was he able to land such a solid punch when now Ren and Nora fly at her with the same kind of obviousness and Neo deflects them with ease? I’m thrilled that the finale gave us such a long moment with Oscar, but the series as a whole still has a problem with relegating most of his development off screen. Seeing the comparatively vulnerable farm boy face off against one of our strongest villains should have been a focus last episode, not something that happens in the ether of, “Well I guess all that worked out somehow despite Neo kicking their asses here.” It’s an issue of consistency and convenience primarily. The show seems to have the characters on a very malleable power scale nowadays. Oscar isn’t strong enough to help with the geist, but he’s strong enough to land the first solid hit on Neo. Team RWBY is strong enough to take out the most elite group of huntsmen in Atlas, but Team JNR isn’t strong enough to take out a single villain four to one. It makes it harder to invest in anyone or anything because we’re always on shaky ground. The viewers never know when the writing will obey the rules it has set up or chuck them away on a whim.

The fight is interrupted though when the guards spot them. Did Ruby mention that they were being arrested in her announcement? Did Ironwood announce that before or after Ruby called? I honestly can’t remember and right now I’m too lazy to check. I was just a little surprised that Jaune immediately knew to run from the guards, rather than going, “Hey, crazy woman attacking us please help.” But eh, I’m happy enough to chalk that up to either my own shaky memory or a small connection lost. RWBY has way bigger problems than details like, “How did so-and-so know about such-and-such?” Not unless that information holds way more weight.

So they flee and we actually get to see some reaction to fighting for once. Oscar in particular is clearly exhausted and his clothes are done-in from the battle. Later, while hiding in the training room, all four of them will be leaning against the wall, heaving after facing Neo. Again, this is good. This is how newly-minted huntsmen should be reacting to fighting people way beyond their skill level. It’s only a problem when we compare these details to what we got last week with Team RWBY. Showing JNOR’s exhaustion from a quick bout with Neo no way aligns with RWBY’s perky, totally fine, no auras broken and no tiredness characterization after facing off against four Ace Ops for a significantly longer period.

So there’s some serious plot armor at work there. It became even more clear this episode that Team RWBY won because Team RWBY always gets what they want, not because it makes any sense in-world. But we’ll have to deal with any other consequences of that next volume because they’re barely in the rest of this episode. Instead, we return to the Winter, Penny, and Cinder fight where Cinder casually tosses Penny aside with her grimm arm. She’s briefly held back by Winter’s summoned birds, but that’s hardly going to faze her in the grand scheme of things. In fact, Cinder still has enough energy and confidence to start some philosophizing while she fights. She tells Winter that she may think “hoarding power means you’ll keep it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.” Self-fulfilling words from the woman hell-bent on acquiring and hoarding all the Maiden powers? As absurd as Cinder’s beliefs are, that “And I refuse to starve” line was pretty badass. On the whole I think she’s a boring villain, but every once in a blue moon Cinder will have a cool moment before she becomes irrelevant again.

The fight continues as Penny returns to the fray and it sounded to me that she was making more noise during this fight than normal. Granted, we’ve rarely seen Penny engage in an all-out brawl that lasts for more than a few seconds, but the additions certainly help with where she’s heading this episode. Particularly moments such as when they’re outside and Cinder’s sword blows up in Penny’s face, causing her to outright scream. It’s a very human sound, setting up the reveal that yes, an android is human enough to take on the Maiden powers. And if you go by some fan theories, “woman enough” (for lack of a better term) given that her aura is a man’s, Pietro’s. Penny is a girl regardless of starting out with male aura, leading to some wonderful and interesting takes on her as a trans character. Now I’m not giving that praise to Rooster Teeth---this isn’t them giving us representation---rather, I’m praising the fandom’s ingenuity and ability to adopt characters into their own communities. You don’t need “evidence” to headcanon transness, but having a girl born of a man’s aura go on to acquire woman-only power can definitely help. 

Granted, Penny’s vocalizing here is just a tiny detail that I’m choosing to apply positively to an outcome. I nevertheless stand by my early belief that Penny simply didn’t have the development needed to land her in the Maiden position. Having her grapple with her own death, Ruby her resurrection, and the loss of Mantle’s support would have achieved that. It’s clear now why Rooster Teeth brought her back, but that doesn’t mean they’ve treated her character well for the last twelve episodes. Instead, in true RWBY fashion, a lot was introduced with no followup.

As said though, they take things outside to give us a decently cool battle between three characters who can fly. While in the air though Winter’s aura is broken and she starts to plummet. Obviously Penny catches her, to which Winter replies, “What are you doing? My life doesn’t matter!”

Sometimes I wonder if Rooster Teeth bothers to think about the dialogue they put in characters’ mouths. I mean seriously? Winter is not stupid. Nor is she so hard that---as the episode hammers home---she wouldn’t experience fear. So:

Anyone is going to be happy about being caught from a 100% deadly fall. In a situation like this survival instinct trumps responsibility. Even if it didn’t “responsibility” doesn’t make any sense here because:

They’re not giving up on the Maiden. Penny isn’t making a decision here that requires forever and always choosing Winter over Fria. They’re gonna turn right around and continue the fight

Seriously, it takes a few seconds to catch her. This isn’t that big a deal

The fight thus far has clearly proven that they need all the help they can get. Penny can’t take Cinder on her own and indeed, even with her aura broken Winter manages to be incalculably helpful

Fria still has her powers, which she’s about to demonstrate. Does Winter really not realize that Fria is still pretty capable of defending herself?

In short, this line is stupid. More than just stupid it’s twisting a character to get them to fit with the volume’s badly imposed theme. Oh look Winter cares sooooo much about her orders that she would needlessly die for them. Penny must teach her the value of her own life and how “blindly” obeying Ironwood is a big, bad thing. Come on. Lines like these---Harriet claiming the Ace Ops aren’t friends even though they clearly are, Qrow blaming Ironwood for Clover’s death when he’s not even there, Yang sniping at Elm about how she can’t think for herself---only serve to say Protagonists Good; Ironwood Bad. Rooster Teeth really loves to introduce justified and sympathetic characters, only to have other characters go OOC to backtrack on that verbally. Ignore what you’ve seen and just believe the nonsense words that never would have come out of this character’s mouth otherwise. And yes, that includes Yang and her comment to Elm. She is by far the most loyal character, considering that she’s canonically done things she did not want (following Ozpin) purely because Ruby was doing it. If the story had any sense embedded in it Yang would be the one who understood where the Ace Ops were coming from in their devotion to Ironwood, or at the very least the narrative would call her out on her hypocricy. As it is, the story functions around the “fact” that following Ruby is just intrinsically good. No matter what Ruby herself might do and how it does or does not compare to others’ actions. She’s the hero, always. In the same way, having Winter spout such a nonsense line works only to say, “See? Following Ironwood destroys all your self-wroth. Following Ruby? Like Penny does? You learn the value of friendship!” Never-mind that the first thing Ironwood does this episode is congratulate and apologize to Winter when he thinks he’s coming down into the vault...

Enjoyable pieces aside, I’m obviously still salty, but we’ll get to Ironwood in a minute. For now, Oscar is seriously dragging behind JNR and manages to get separated. He’s hidden from the guards by “Nora” who is, obviously Neo. Within the span of a second she’s gotten the relic and will keep it until she hands it over to Cinder.

Congratulations, team! Not only did you allow Ironwood to harm Mantle for weeks on end when you knew his plan was doomed to fail, you’ve also lost the relic you came to secure in the first place, thoroughly betrayed the one powerful ally you had in this war (just like you did Ozpin), have destroyed any hope of escape as---surprise!---Salem actually showed up, and you took out the one elite team who might have helped you fight her. Oh, and Qrow, you got arrested in the end anyway so congrats on getting your friend killed along the way. Seriously, how does anyone---how does the narrative---insist that these people are heroes? At this point this is a story about fallen heroes, but rather than emphasizing precisely how badly the group has screwed up the last two volumes and taking them on a journey back from the brink, they’re still being painted in a perfect light.

So... yeah. Relic is gone. Which we all saw coming the second Ruby happily agreed to keep holding onto it, then got protective when Ironwood mentioned taking it back. Loyalty aside, you cannot possibly think the relic is safer on your or Oscar’s belt than it is in a freaking magical vault. The group should be denied the title of “heroes” for their stupidity and arrogance alone. Especially when they never bothered to tell Ironwood that there was still a question left. That might have changed his mind about letting them carry it around. 

Thus, relic in hand, Neo makes easy work of the rest of the team. Most notably by keeping Nora’s face and giving Ren sad eyes when he tries to strike her. This is a really good moment of visual storytelling and more how RWBY should be using their fights to do double-duty and develop characterization. Neo’s trick not only demonstrates her cruel skills, but tells us precisely how deeply Ren cares for Nora. Even knowing that’s not her he hesitates. Then, obviously, we’ve got the tears as the team runs off. So obviously things are still eating at him and their relationship is a big part of that... which just makes me all the more frustrated that the story passed over his fears at the party. I really don’t care how eager everyone (myself included) was to finally get a renora kiss. We never should have seen Nora ignoring those problems and insisting on moving the relationship forward in a way he clearly wasn’t ready for yet. Ren’s words told us that, as does his grief now. Everyone was wondering if ignoring his anxiety would come to a head in the form of Ren siding with Ironwood, but we didn’t get the chance to find that out this volume. Which, I get it. RWBY doesn’t have a lot of time, but that’s precisely the problem. Tiny tid-bits are dropped and then ignored for weeks, if not years on end. That moment between Ren and Neo was excellently crafted and told us a lot about both, but ultimately it’s just another moment cast adrift from everything else. Who knows if this plot-line will actually continue in Volume 8’s premier, if at all.

So Neo wanders off in an Atlas disguise and hands the relic off to Cinder. What’s Cinder going to do with the relic precisely? Not sure. Gonna have to wait on that one. We do have some decent setup for Neo’s betrayal though. She not only looked pissed at Cinder just snatching the prize, but sad about it too. Neo has always been driven by her own, messed up love, notably for Roman. Now that he’s gone it seems like she was looking for someone else to latch onto. Now that Cinder has proven that Neo is only a tool to her, she’d better watch her back.

Returning to Fria. She, as said, still has a lot of kick in her and easily pushes Cinder back. “That’s the power of a fully realized Maiden,” Winter says as crazy power shoots into the sky. Again, good setup... if I believed RWBY was capable of following up on anything. Remember at the beginning of the volume when Harriet dropped setup on Ruby’s semblance? Yeah, nothing came of that either. And though it still might, again, when? I know I use this example a lot, but you can’t introduce Raven speaking with Tai, drop that for three years (or longer), and then pick it back up like that’s still a relevant thread to follow. By having Winter proclaim that this is a “fully realized” power we imply that others, such as Cinder, may be able to become more powerful as well, but there’s little faith on the viewer’s part that such a line will actually amount to anything. Or if it does, it will happen so far in the future that most viewers will have forgotten about it.

For now though Fria is super-duper powerful. Cinder and Winter can’t even get near her. So it’s up to Penny, the one person not made of flesh and blood, to get the job done. I like that. Great use of difference as a strength. So she dives in and gets Fria to calm down, reigning her power back in. They discuss transferring the power and when Penny tries to remind her of the consequences we get, “I’ll be gone. I know I have a hard time remembering, but I remember that.” Hey. Hey, hey. I want the entire fandom to pay attention to this line because a lot of you still have a tendency to erase agency so as to more easily pin the blame on characters you don’t like. Pyrrha didn’t choose to fight Cinder against Ozpin’s orders, Ozpin killed her! Qrow didn’t choose to fight Clover and team up with Tyrian, Ironwood killed Clover! The Ace Ops didn’t choose to be loyal and maintain the responsibility they swore as military huntsmen, Ironwood just brainwashed them into being obedient puppets! Here, we get another glorious reminder that yes, these characters can actually think and act for themselves. Even the characters with dementia. Asking someone to do the hard thing (Pyrrha) is not in any way comparable to making them. It’s crystal clear from Fria’s line here that Ironwood spoke to her about the situation. He, like Ozpin, was upfront about the consequences. She in turn decided to accept this duty. Yes, I know I’ll die. I’ve accepted that. I have a job to do and I intend to complete it.

So yeah, #stop-taking-away-one-character’s-agency-just-because-you-don’t-like-another-2020.

Penny is thus faced with a glaring responsibility of her own: will she take on the Maiden powers? Because Fria may remember her job, but not who else was supposed to complete the job with her. Was it you? Penny, meanwhile, is looking at all that ice and wondering if Winter can even get here in time. It may well only be her... unless they want it to be Cinder.

As she thinks through this decision we return to JNR. Ren has a brief freak-out about how “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” but instead of a truthful statement about their maturity and skill levels, the story twists it into a false statement by having Ren start yelling at Nora and placing unnecessary blame. We’re not supposed to believe him here because he’s irrational and lashing out... even though I think “We weren’t ready to become huntsmen” is a 100% truthful statement. The last two volumes have proven to me, if no one else, that having a job with that much power and responsibility isn’t just about whether you can swing your scythe really well. It’s about having the emotional fortitude and, as said, majority to treat it as a job and put that responsibility ahead of your own desires. RWBYJNR has consistently demonstrated that they’re unwilling to do that. It’s their way or the highway, damn promises, responsibility, loyalty, or consequences.

Before things can really break in the group though more soldiers show up and as they’re hiding behind Jaune’s shield he realizes that Oscar is missing. Over the comms Oscar says that he has something he needs to do alone, heading for the vault. I really appreciate this moment because Oscar is the one person in this group who has actually extended some of the unity and sympathy that RWBYJNR keeps yelling that everyone needs to give to them first. He apologizes to Ironwood whereas Yang sticks her nose in the air and insists she did nothing wrong. He approaches Ironwood and asks to find a way forward together while Ruby yells that Harriet has to do what she wants or no, I won’t stop attacking you. We get that moment where Ironwood thinks it’s Winter descending and goes, “I know that must have been hard for you. I’m so sorry,” demonstrating his own care and compassion. We see Oscar embodying Ozpin in his folded hands, use of the cane, and harder eyes, despite the fact that it’s still him in control. 

He has a piece of that maturity the rest of his team lacks. He’s open, Ironwood is open, they’re poised to do what the others around them can’t...

Too bad it all goes to total shit.

You know, I feel like I should be more mad about this but at this point I’m just kind of numb. Why in the world would I be surprised that Rooster Teeth would erase all the work above to turn Ironwood into a generic villain? They did it before, or did I suddenly forget the twenty-minutes that humanized Ozpin only to be followed with two volumes of bashing him non-stop? I knew Ironwood was going to get screwed, I just didn’t think they’d go so far as to do it like this. And shame on me because I should have.

There are times when things happen on screen... but by god it isn’t canon. Because it’s just too stupid to be canon. It’s so horrifically out of character that the only explanation is that this is an impersonator and the writers just forgot to tell us that along the way. Because James Ironwood would never kill a child. Or hell, maybe he would, but it would have to be under RADICALLY different circumstances from these. People realize right that this is so beyond out of character as to be laughable, right? We get:

A man who has devoted himself to fighting the biggest evil his world has ever seen

Learning the importance of care over brute strength, adopting Ozpin’s lessons by giving Mantle Penny

Has spent the last year trying desperately to keep all his people safe, making the hard calls in order to achieve that

Was beyond delighted when the group first appeared, kneeling down before Oscar and hugging Qrow

Has frequently asked after Ozpin throughout the volume, demonstrating a strong desire for him to return

Immediately forgave the group even after learning about Salem’s immortality, still pushing forward with them

Just sacrificed his arm in an effort to continue protecting those around him

Finally realized he didn’t have allies in this team and called only for their arrest, not any violence or mistreatment

Hired the Ace Ops, a group whose conflict was their need to perform that arrest pushing against their desire not to hurt anyone

Ironwood just began the scene by extending sympathy and apologies to another

And you’re going to tell me that this man, this man defined by his compassion and desperate need to protect others... is going to shoot the 14yo kid housing one of his oldest friends? Shoot to kill?

Because make no mistake, that was a killing shot. Ironwood knew Oscar was at the edge. Even if it hadn’t broken Oscar’s aura, that fall isn’t anything you can survive without Humanity 1.0 magic---magic Ironwood clearly wasn’t counting on to save him. They literally took this man and erased EVERYTHING that made him-him, deciding that randomly Ironwood kills kids now because he dislikes a conversation. Kills Ozpin too. It makes zero sense... but you know all precisely why they did it. Because Ironwood is the villain now. He dared disagree with Team RWBY and now that he’s an antagonist they had to make sure he did something he couldn’t come back from. You don’t try to kill the youngest of the group and then come back into the fold. Ironwood is finished. He’s either going to die next volume or the group is going to lock him behind bars as a “witty” parallel of him trying to arrest them, dropping a one-liner about how they’re sorry it came to this.

Which, obviously, I absolutely despise. The rest of the episode? Had a lot going for it. Cool and interesting developments that might have been great if not attached to the horror show of the last twenty-five episodes... but still cool and interesting nonetheless. This? This is the worst thing RWBY has done to date because they not only irrevocably messed up one of their best characters, but they did so in a way that highlights everything that has been wrong with the show the last two years. There was no buildup to this. None. Don’t @ me with “But Ironwood is unstable and the Tin Man has no heart.” No and also no. Rooster Teeth simply decided that they wanted him as a villain and made that happen in the span of a few seconds. It’s just as absurd and insulting as if, last volume while angry at Qrow, Ruby had picked up her scythe and cut through Weiss as a form of anger management. Ironwood aiming to kill the kid he’s been bonding with all volume and Ozpin to boot because they’re having a slightly heated conversation is insane. 

Which isn’t to say that conversation itself helped matters. Because Ironwood remains right. Those are all pretty, philosophical questions, Oscar, but what are we going to do about our situation? Oscar might express more sympathy then Team RWBY, but he’s just as naive and dangerously stubborn. He doesn’t have a plan either, just a continuing insistence that they try. In fact, his arguments are really... nonsensical in places? He says that if Ironwood abandons Mantle they’ll lose hope of uniting the whole world, even though we’ve never established why that’s still a goal when a world-wide army can’t defeat Salem. He likewise makes the absurd claim that because Ironwood is thinking about the big picture “Then you’re as dangerous as she is, James.”

No??

If RWBY is going to incorporate philosophy and moral conundrums into their writing then they actually need to do the work to think them through. Because sorry but the man making a currently still necessary sacrifice in order to keep the world as a whole safe is not the same thing as the genocidal grimm queen hell-bent on destroying it. Again, do they think about the words they’re putting into the characters’ mouths? The worst is how many viewers just eat it up. Because Good Boy Oscar said something vaguely wise-sounding then it must be true...never-mind the absurdity of the statement itself. I love Oscar to bits, just not when the writing uses him as a prop to promote these absurd themes. Not to keep dragging Witcher into every possible part of my life, but it immediately reminded me of this quote from Geralt. “You wizards are all the same...

Just because Oscar says it with confidence doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

Which is where we end up. Oscar falling, Ozpin arriving, the two of them managing to survive the fall. I have to admit that at this point Ozpin’s return just felt damn underwhelming to me. Like yes, of course I’m thrilled he’s back, but watching them mangle James like that just kicked all the enjoyment out of the rest of the episode. That, combined with the fact that Ozpin’s return actually was pretty lackluster. I mean, I feel like a shit for complaining about the thing I’ve wanted since the beginning of Volume 6... but is that really all we get? Ozpin doesn’t save him, Oscar saves them both, because he apparently has complete access to the magic and memories now. What does Ozpin matter then? Ozpin doesn’t speak really, just says Oscar’s name and is then cut off because Oscar doesn’t want to hear anything he has to say unless it’s about saving Atlas. He does express something like gratitude though--- “You’re back, aren’t you? You saved me”---so that’s more than we’ve gotten from anyone else. And Ozpin does narrate... but who is that to? Obviously very reminiscent of our series’ premier, but is he speaking to Salem again? We’re not told---or shown---and as it is that monologue exists purely for the audience. It’s a speech we could have gotten from any character and just happened to get it from Ozpin. It’s not being spoken to Oscar and therefore not forwarding any of the relationships that still need to be mended. In fact, this could well be a speech Ozpin gave years ago, disconnected from who he is now. Perhaps the biggest issue is that the speech is all about fear, further hammering home the finale’s BS stance that Ironwood being afraid of actual, legitimate threats made him into an unhinged child-killer.

Because his “paranoia”? It’s about this. This is what Ironwood was afraid of.

And oh look it’s here.

So yeah... I just can’t fall in love with this moment as I feel I should. RWBY has burned me too many times lately---the last time seconds before this scene---and frankly now that Ozpin is back I don’t trust them to treat his character well. So his return is automatically laced with more worry than excitement to see what comes next. Because if they do this to Ironwood, somehow who has done nothing but try to help this whole volume, what the hell are they going to do to Ozpin, someone who actually lied to and kept secrets from the precious team? I want him back, but not while we’ve got these themes going. I’m legit worried about how the group will react to his return and what the narrative is going to make Ozpin do as penance for his supposed sins. I’m not really thrilled about the prospect of watching more assault that’s painted as heroic justice. Normally I’d be going, “Well you never know, RWBY could prove me wrong...” except that after Ironwood? I really don’t think it will. Because Ozpin may ask, “Will you forgive them? Will you understand why they felt the need to do the things they did?” but it’s “staring back at you is the very thing you should have feared from the start” is what we get when Ironwood is shown again when he’s told Winter doesn’t have the power, he can’t open the vault, and he has no way of escaping this army. Rather than painting this as a tragedy that’s on our “heroes,” Ironwood is just made to look deranged. The story doesn’t encourage us to forgive him, no matter Ozpin’s words. 

The scne was pretty though! lol. Stunningly gorgeous, really. If I just turn my brain off and don’t think about everything surrounding Oscar falling while Ozpin re-joins him, it’s an absolutely fantastic scene...

Yeah, the rest of the episode is mostly things I’ve already covered. Maria picks everyone up in their “getaway ship” because her character apparently only exists now to provide comic relief in the form of illegal actions. 

Penny takes on the Maiden powers while Winter holds Cinder off with no aura. That was badass as hell.  Go Winter, you’re still one of my faves this volume.

Ruby conveniently uses her silver eyes even though they’ve failed twice in the last three to four episodes. 

Qrow is arrested and holds onto Clover’s blood-stained badge. 

Robyn is apparently just fine. 

Watts is potentially getting freed by Tyrian, or else was just distracted by the arrival of Salem, I honestly wasn’t sure. 

The only other thing of consequence is that Winter and Weiss acknowledge that they’re on different paths. They can’t support one another in who they’re loyal to, but Winter will still give her sister a head start.

Oh, that moment and this, of course.

I’ve already spoken about my very iffy feelings about introducing Salem as an actual enemy before the final volume and those feelings are compounded by this absurd denouncement of hard, practical choices. I mean... seriously. What is the group going to do at the start of next volume? “These readings can’t be right,” an Atlas soldier says, horrified at the number of grimm that are appearing around them from an ominous red cloud. That entire army we saw at the end of Volume 6. Plus a giant whale grimm that could easily swallow any of our heroes (Pinocchio reference, anyone?), plus the immortal sorceress who could do any number of things to obliterate you---and take all the time in the world to do it. Like... they’re screwed. They are dead and Ironwood was 100% right to try and take whoever he could to safety and regroup. Except that obviously the series doesn’t end in tragedy here so they’ll wiggle their way out of things somehow. It just won’t be satisfying. Because we absolutely have a hopeless situation here and the story hasn’t allowed the group to acknowledge and then try to circumvent that in any practical manner. Ruby’s silver eyes will inexplicably get crazy powerful. Or Salem will randomly decide to leave. Or they’ll discover some new and untapped skill through the power of friendship. Then, at the end of it all, we’ll be told to look back at Ironwood and call him crazy for trying to save lives with a realistic approach because see? We managed a miracle after all.

I can’t believe I’m going to watch that nonsense. But I will. Because RWBY was a show that I loved and some small part of me still hopes it’ll return to what it once was. At the very least I need to find out what happens to these characters---no matter how stupid and insulting---and this episode, despite all my expectations, did give me tiny glimmers into what RWBY used to be. Moments that were fun or badass or legitimately touching. I almost wish it wouldn’t, just so I could make a clean break with the show. Absolute trash is better than trash that demonstrates skill just enough to make you think there might be hope for a better written story the next time around. Ah well. At least writing the recaps is always fun!

So I’ll still be here, answering asks and chucking out nonsense. Feel free to come join me if you’re ever inclined.  

Until next volume 💜

[thenugking]

Grand Academy For Future Villains II: Attack of the Sequel, Chapter 0: Prologue. A commentary for Three.

Like Maedryn in this chapter, I am also back on my bullshit.

General CW for the whole thing: parental abuse, internalised dehumanisation as a trauma response. Three’s not doing well. They’re doing worse than usual in this specific chapter.

Game 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Alternatively, read on Google Docs here

***

That would explain the swarms of clones, you think dimly through the haze of the flashback, but not why they're me….

No. You hadn't been a mindless copy at all. You had been disappointingly independent, an individual in your own right, so instead of simply recycling you as perhaps she should have, Maedryn had raised you like her own child. Of course, you were still intended as a tool to carry out her grand designs; what kind of villain would she have been if she had simply loved and cherished you?

Professor Cerebrist had wanted your mother's replication technology for himself. When you, the living prototype of your mother's early research, showed up in his freshman Evil Genius 101 class, he saw his opportunity. In your first year at the Academy, you found yourself as the battleground in the war between your mother and her mentor. Even though it never came down to a fight between you, your loyalties were tested.

In the chaos of the battle between the rebel faculty, the attacking heroes, and the beleaguered Grand Academy administration, you'd called on your mother for help, and she'd come through. She'd defeated the Professor and taken his place.

Clearly your mother has finally perfected her replication technology and taken the place of her former mentor. But if she already has everything she wanted…why has she unleashed swarms of mindless yous upon the Academy?

It’s… not a great start to Three’s sophomore year. They weren’t looking forward to having their mother on campus in the first place, but they'd hoped she would wait at least a little while before getting back on her bullshit. (Not that that’s a phrase they’d ever use, having only heard it in the context of Scorpius informing them that ze’s very sadly back on zir bullshit, before throwing a box of scorpions at them and running off before Three could ask what ze was talking about. But Maedryn is, unfortunately, very much back on her bullshit here.)

They don’t know what she’s doing with the clones, but right now, that’s not as big of a concern as the fact that the clones are here at all. Looking like Three. And making person-like screams. And probably getting their outfits and hair messy. In public. Three is… somewhat disgruntled that after all the effort they’ve put in to turning themself into a tool, erasing any displays of personhood and imperfection, Maedryn would simply create some new tools that don’t bother with any of that at all. But which still let other people see Three as a messy, screaming person.

The very noticeable, very public appearance isn’t helpful for Three’s desire to remain unnoticed and not draw attention to themself, either. It’s an interesting paradox; they can blend into the janitorial staff perfectly, but they stick out as The Student Who Looks Like All The Clone Janitors. There’s a similar thing going on with their name, actually. They like having a name that suggests a lack of personhood, but it does have the unfortunate side effect of having people consider it  odd, unique and even memorable.

...That first explanatory paragraph up there is spot-on Three characterisation though. 

#"But what an impressive job you've done of it! I'm so proud you're my mother!"

She looks at you critically. "A bit grovelly, but appropriate; it was and you should be."

Three’s probably not quite this grovelly. Apart from disliking the exuberance of the exclamation marks, they’ve had nineteen years to learn to measure quite how much grovelling Maedryn likes. But a little grovelling in this situation is only appropriate, particularly when they’re not certain exactly what she might have read from their thoughts on the flashback gun.

"Some of you may remember," says the Head, in ponderous tones, "the attempted establishment of a second and rival school on our campus last year, calling itself the Polytechnic Institute for Antagonism and Moral Complexity. This institution is hereby forcibly dissolved, thanks to the clone armies contributed by our loyal faculty. There is but one school on this campus, and it will tolerate no challenge, share no power, and show no mercy!"

The judgment of the remnant of the ill-fated Polytechnic Institute for Antagonism and Moral Complexity is summary, arbitrary, and surprisingly creative. The fates of the rebel faculty, announced and executed by DarkBoard, range from "Probation, with Extra Probes" for Professor Ulik, to "Dismissal Before Expiration of Contract" for the senior Professor Dethclot, to "Disciplinary Suspension" for the ringleader, Professor Mortwain. This last didn't sound so bad, until you see that it involves being suspended in a vat of clear Jell-O and set on the plinth in the courtyard as a warning to traitors.

The rebel students are all expelled, which is to say they are one by one dropped through a trapdoor in the floor. Presumably it ends up somewhere in the dungeons, but the geography of the Grand Academy is dubious at the best of times, and you figure they're lucky if they end up somewhere with a breathable atmosphere and not floating in the void.

Three thought they’d long grown out of feeling sorry and disappointed for idealists who tried to act against their mother. Of course, they hadn’t known Maedryn had cared about the Polytechnic Institute for Antagonism and Moral Complexity, but on reflection, they don’t know why they ever expected the School Head to have any more mercy than Maedryn had. It’s unexpected and unpleasant, having these feelings come up again, and there’s a deeper despair they’re not sure they remember feeling before.

They could have been part of the Professor Mortwain’s Institute. They’d thought before this that they should have been. It was only cowardness that stopped them. But they’ve known all along that going against authority never ends well. This just shows they were right. This just proves any ideas they had about standing for their own beliefs in future were foolish and naive, and they knew better than Mortwain and Ulik and Phil and everyone else in the firing line now. So why do they still feel like they should be standing there with them?

"That," the School Head tells the surviving students and staff, "was a Refreshing Display of School Spirit."

It casts its gaze about the hall. Then those eyes land directly on you. "Are there any remaining students in this body," it says, "that we should know about, that participated in activities unbecoming the Grand Academy for Future Villains?"

You scan the hall, trying to find someone to betray. Not Rathna, you were known to be enemies. Not Miriel the Bloodshrike, you actually like her. Not Aurion either, the Head is known to favor him.

There. Leaning back in his chair, you spot the perfect mark. Phil, a casual friend from last year. Permanent upperclassman, villainous slacker, and known supporter of the rebel college, insofar as he could be bothered to support anything at all. 

The Head's baleful gaze has not left you. It's waiting.

Seriously, why am I being told I’m enemies with Rathna now? And that I like Miriel? Anyway, Three doesn’t particularly want to betray anyone. Certainly not Aurion, their Not Best Friend, or Rathna, who they get along well with, and turning on anyone from the Shadow Council could be dangerous. But with the Head looking right at them, betraying someone else might be the only way to keep themself safe. A few months ago, they wouldn’t have hesitated before giving Phil up; they’d thought he was too lazy and useless to deserve a place here anyway. Then he’d beaten them, and shown a commitment to his cause Three wished they could have, and inspired them to do better. Which obviously, in the end, was a bad decision on Phil’s part and got neither of them anywhere.

#Say nothing and hope no one notices.

You can't bear to betray him. However, your mother—despite the effort of controlling all the replicas in the room—notices your hesitation, and intervenes. Phil isn't any help. He doesn't put up a fight, doesn't even really seem to notice what's happening until he's hauled off to the trapdoor by two of your blank-faced replicas.

You think you hear him call your name. "What are you—" You shift guiltily in your seat, but he's addressing the clones.

Did he even notice that they weren't you? Did he even care that there were suddenly swarms of you when last year there'd been only one? Hurtful. He deserves whatever he's going to get. Or so you tell yourself as the trapdoor closes with a final clang.

Three doesn’t really feel hurt (at least not by Phil). After all, why shouldn’t he think the clones are controlled by them? Or that Three’s at least part of the dissolution of the Polytechnic Institute for Antagonism and Moral Complexity? They were working with the School Head to stop it last year, and they’re sitting with Maedryn now. And they never thanked him for what he did. And they never apologised.

Three doesn’t have many thoughts on the rest of the announcements, mostly because they’re dissociating during them. Which is fine. That stops them having feelings, and tools don’t have feelings. None of the Probably Much More Useful Than Three Is clones have feelings. Does Maedryn even need them for anything now she has the clones?

It’s not going to be a good year for Three.

[mysleeplesswriter]

Escape...

The dark forest continued on for more than a ‘a few kilometers`, and Gemma increasingly became more and more drained. She became irritated at her English teacher, she had said this wasn’t even going to take that long, she had been relentlessly walking for the past two and a half hours. The Dark Oak trees that surrounded them were of great size and looked elegant as the danced with the light winds.

“Were nowhere near the cabins, are we? You said this aint gonna take long, miss.”, Gemma grunted as she unraveled herself from a vine of branches. Gemma wasn’t those people who liked to go outside. She always rather to sit and stay at home snuggled up in her blanket and sipping on her overly sweet hot chocolate. Besides, she was an introvert and stayed to herself.

“Now Gemma, when I said this wasn’t going to take long, I meant it,” her teacher smiled, “The cabins are a half an hour walk away.”

The whole class complained when they heard it.

It was now practically lunchtime and Gemma wouldn’t let that pass, even if she was in a deep, creepy forest. Her classmates took refuge under the trees.

“Miss d’know that its lunchtime, an’ I aint gonna let that pass. I don’t care if we half an hour away. I'm gonna eat, if you wanna continue walkin’ then fine by me. Aint me who gonna lose their job.”, she said as she grabbed her sandwich from her bag and sat down on a tree branch.

Gemma's teacher sighed and shook her head and let the children eat their lunch.

“Hey Gemma?”, yelled one of her classmates, “Did you get forced to come out ‘ere ‘cos I know you hate the outdoors ‘cos your lazy.”

The rest of the class snickered.

Geez they never appreciate anything, she thought, why do I even bother to help ‘em.

After they finished their lunch, they continued their trek through the forest. Birds chirped their afternoon song and flew high in the sky. The blue atmosphere open and bright.

Finally, they arrived at the cabins. They were insignificant and wooden. Lined up like soldiers along the gravel ground. There was a wooden campfire sitting in the middle. A big cabin for the teachers (unfair) and another for an eating quarter. Everything was made of wood and it hurt her eyes. Too much wood.

The sign at the entrance read, Pine Wood Camps.

They all went to the eating quarters and everyone sat on tables, well almost everyone, Gemma was the only one standing up because there weren't any extra chairs apparently.

I think everyone hates me, even my English teacher. Really, I think everyone Is set out to ruin my life, she muttered.

At the end of the meeting everyone was assigned to cabins and to her absolute trouble she had to SHARE cabins, why couldn’t the others just sleep outside? She was taken to Cabin 3, along with Stephanie, one of the sporty girls, who were popular. Angel, the nerdy one. Katie, the annoying one, she keeps on rambling on about her short-lived career of being the face of a toothbrush company. Gemma despised her. How could she ever live with these three, in a small dusty cabin for a MONTH?! She had to leave. But they were stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere. Where did Mrs. Magel even find this place, probably from her shady husband who keeps saying that when the police are around be on high alert, because he always is. There are rumors that say he is an escaped felon. Gemma didn’t care, right now. All she wanted to do was leave. And she was going to!

As they unloaded their bags in silence, Mrs. Magel came in and passed them sheets, they were chores sheets. They had chores to do?! Ok, Gemma had to find a way to escape! The nights were too dark, but in the day, everyone was out. Evening would be right; she would finish dinner early and get back onto the track through the forest and by the dock. The boats came by whenever you pressed a button, letting them know that someone was waiting at the island for a boat. The journey all together would take at least seven to eight hours. It would be almost daylight when she gets back to the land. From there she would have to take a taxi into the city, take the next train back into central New York and then another train back home. To Gemma that was way too long, so she decided to stay for a few days to chart out the place and try to find the quickest way out of this misery.

“I aint doin’ this,” Gemma said as she tossed the piece of paper onto her bed.

“You gotta be kidding me Gemma, you have to do it.”, Katie laughed.

“You aint my mama, leave me alone. I do what I wanna do. Got it?”

“Ok... but if Mrs. Magel finds out you aint doing your chores, you're gonna get into trouble.”, smirked Katie.

Gemma growled at Katie before turning back to unpack her bags.

By the time they were done, it was dinner and they had to go outside to eat. Who eats dinner outside, in the dark? It was WINTER for god sake! Still, she stepped out the door and into the eating quarter. It had been decorated with beautiful lights and string decorations, it looked nicer than it had before. When you climbed up the few stairs to get in, there was a buffet of food. Heated, smoking pasta, warm rice, and spaghetti. Along with sides, desserts, drinks, and sauces. Maybe camp wasn’t so bad?

Erase that, the food is good, camp is bad.

Gemma took her seat on a table and grabbed up some food. Pasta was her favorite so she got that with some sides. The desserts bar was not open yet, so she waited as she ate up her dinner. As everyone else piled in to get their food, Gemma went to the bathroom. Dinner, for her was done.

As she opened the door of the bathroom, she found out that it was a one-person room, there weren’t any cubicles. She locked the door and sighed. Finally, some peace and quiet. The toilet was cold, but she was indoors, and the heater was on. That’s weird she thought. The mirror on top of the sink was small, and a little high. But not too high. She could still see herself.

Tired and messy…

Bright golden lights hung above her, making the lighting in the room look beautiful, in spite of her looking not her best. Putting the lid of the toilet down and resting on it, she thought about her scheme.

Wait! Before they came to camp, whilst they were in the forest Mrs Magel gave everyone a map of the forest and what camp will look like. She remembered that she put it in her hoodie pocket, so she grabbed it. Delighted, she opened the sheet and stared at it, searching desperately for a speedy way to get into the forest and outside of it. The sheet in her hand shook, as excitement grew inside of her.

A knock at the door, made her jump.

“Hello? Who’s in there? Are you okay? Its Mrs Magel.”

“Oh its-err- Gemma. I’m fine miss, I’ll be out in a sec.”, she said panicking.

“Ok, the dessert bar is open now, so if you want some, come get it before the others finish their dinner.”, she smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. I will.”, Gemma got up and pretended to wash her hands, she hadn’t used the bathroom. She unlocked the door and  outside she met Mrs Magel, who used the toilet after her.

Gemma walked to the dessert bar. What should she get? There were different types of cakes, puddings, pies, and custards. Ice cream too. Who’s kidding? She grabbed two pieces of each dessert, except the apple pie. She didn’t like apple pie, it made her feel sick and want to throw up. Putting her desserts on plates and bowls, she stumbled away to her room, balancing the treats carefully on her hands and arms. Lucky, Gemma didn’t choose the top bunk and so she clambered onto her bunk. Putting some of the desserts on the bed around her and on the floor.

Angel didn’t have dinner and so she had already gone to bed; well, she was reading. They intelligent girl was sleeping on the opposite bunk and spotted how much Gemma had bought with her from the buffet.

“Hey Gemma? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be having dinner?”, she put her book behind her and climbed down the bunk ladder. Slowly, she walked to Gemma’s bed.

“I had dinner before everyone else came, the dessert bar opened a few minutes ago, so I grabbed pretty much everything and ran away.”, she laughed.

“Can I have a piece of chocolate cake?”, Angel asked.

“Yeah, sure you can have a slice. Just remember that I love my dessert so only a slice!”, Gemma made it clear. Angel nodded and grabbed a piece.

Quickly, she grabbed the map from her pocket yet again. Scanning over more routes, she got her notebook and started to pinpoint them. Angel stopped munching on her piece of cake and gave her a perplexed look. Gemma looked up but disregarded her.

“What- err-what you doin’ there?”, she raised her head to see.

“Oh-er I’m just looking at different places in camp. Yeah.”, nodding her head, she stuffed the notebook and map back into her backpack. Together they ate the rest of the desserts.

As they finished up the other girls came. Katie and Stephanie, walked in and got dressed for bed, not even saying hello to Angel or Gemma. Why did she have to share a cabin with the two coldest humans?

Angel thanked Gemma for letting her eat the treats together and went straight to bed. After a while, Stephanie walked in from the bathroom, followed by Katie. And they both went to sleep. Gemma, however, was still awake. She sat up on her bed. Staring into the cabin’s darkness. She still hadn’t changed out of her clothes and didn’t take a shower when they had arrived a few hours ago.

Suddenly, she became aware of one fact she hadn’t considered all day- this was the first time she was away from home. Far away from home. In shock, she got her slippers on and went outside. The cool night air brushed against her straw-colored hair. The saplings waved around in harmony with the wind. It was a friendly, breezy night. The silence made her sigh deeply, it was the first time in a while she was able to breath freely. She smiled. Staring into the murky, deep-rooted forest that startled Gemma she shook her head because suddenly, something caught her eye. A movement in the woods. Then the loud sound of leaves crunching. The peace had been ruined.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”, she shouted out into the air, confused about who could be out at this time at night.

Nothing......

“Hello? Michael is that you? I’m not scared y’know!”

Gemma sighed and started to walk toward the woodland. It was just Michael. Right?

Gemma’s bear arms were freezing as she got closer. Her messy hair following the direction of the wind, which was now getting stronger.

Another crunch. A twig- SNAP!

It echoed around the whole camp. That wasn’t Gemma… Maybe it is just an animal. It must be. Who else would be walking around in the creepy woods at midnight? Cautiously entering the woods, her eyes darted around, trying to make out what was making that noise.

“Hello?!”

SNAP! With that leaves fired up into the air, the- whatever that was- started to run. Run fast. Inhumanly fast. If a human doesn’t run like that then it’s safe to say it’s an animal. Or so she thought…

Jumping at the sound, she hit the tree with her foot. Now she was scared. Turning to walk away, she noticed something that she hadn’t before. A shoe. A Nike shoe. Whoever or whatever that was, was wearing shoes. Maybe this isn’t an animal after all.

“Hello?! I aint gonna hurt ya’. Why you runnin’ from me?”

Suddenly, whoever that was stopped. Froze. More twigs snapped. More leaves crunched.

“What?”, a quiet voice croaked. It was so quiet that if even there was a breath, she wouldn’t have been able to hear it.

“Hello? What your name?”, she grabbed a ring light her mum gave to her and shined it in front of her.

“Camila.”

Gemma walked closer and smiled.

“You didn’t come with us when we were on the trip. I know we don’t have a Camila in my class. What you doin’ ‘ere?”

“I was left behind from my other class. I have been living inside the cabins until you came.”

“Do you wanna come back to the cabins? I’ll tell miss that you need somewhere to stay.”

“No, it’s okay. She will think I’m suss.”, Camila shook her head and walked off.

Nothing seemed fishy about Camila. Gemma chased after her. She was going to let her stay. Whether Mrs Magel wanted her to or not. After she caught up with Camila, she agreed to come back to the cabins and stay with her. In the morning they would talk to Mrs Magel.

They walked back to the wooden cabins. Talking about what they should do the next day.

As the early morning rose, the teachers came to wake everyone. Going from cabin 1-20. As Mrs Magel came to Cabin 3, she jumped at the sight of Camila.

“Who is this?!”, she asked as she grabbed Camila by the arm.

“Mrs Magel, that aint how you say good mornin’ now. This is Camila. ‘Er other school left ‘er behind and she’s been takin’ shelter in the cabins, but when we came, she ‘ad to go to the woods. She has nowhere to go. Just- miss look at ‘er.”, Gemma continued to tell her teacher how she found her. Despite her getting into trouble for being outside alone at night, Mrs Magel hesitantly agreed to let Camila stay.

Little did they know that Camila was not who they thought she was, instead a manipulative demon…

Camila became popular when she was introduced to the rest of the class. Everyone was all over her, asking questions like the nosy news reporters back at central New York. Camila didn’t seem to be fazed by the others and answered them like a pro. Had she been discovered by other students from other school, who were rude enough to just leave her alone? Or was she one of those popular girls at her old school, who knew?

As the day continued, Camila and Gemma stayed together and helped with everything. They began to become close friends. And by the end of the day, Camila knew everything about Gemma and Gemma knew everything about Camila.

Mrs Magel called everyone outside into the greenspace. They were going to play a game, to reward them for their work during the day. (Today was just a working day, getting the campsite cleaned up).

“All right everyone before we play the chosen game for today, I have some exciting news,” she smiled happily that it seemed scary, “Tomorrow we will be going a hike through the woods and up into those hills!”

She turned to point at the far away green hills. You could barely even see them as they were hidden behind a few long pine trees. The class groaned.

“That sounds lie fun, why are you all moaning?”, Camila spoke up.

“That’s the attitude. Well done Camila.”, the teacher praised her.

Camila smiled. She had told Gemma that she loves the outdoors and wouldn’t complain if they were going on hikes. When Gemma told her that she was the complete opposite they laughed.

“Ok, today we are going to play a game of catch with a twist. During the game you must be silent and quick. When the ball is thrown to you, if you catch it your fine but if you miss the catch you aren’t out yet. You have a chance to still be in the game. If the ball has been passed to more than three people, whilst you run around the circle, you are then out. Remember if I hear you, even just a whisper, your also out.”, Mrs Magel started the game by throwing the ball to Camila.

The game went on without anyone dropping the ball and so the teacher tried to make it harder. Finally, after some time, the ball started to be dropped.

As the game continued to go on for a few more minutes Camila kept winning every round so Mrs Magel had to take her out for a few rounds. Once other people started to win, she put her back in, but as soon as she passes the ball to another student their hand seemed to be freeze. Ice growing out from their fingertips and grew around their palms. In a few seconds, their whole hand was covered in an ice block. Teena who had been the victim of this mysterious incident screamed when saw what happened. Mrs Magel shrieked out and took her to the First Aid Room.  

“You continue on playing,” she gave Camila a strange look and continued to take Teena.

“What the hell was that?”, Michael stepped forward and picked up the ball.

“I don’t know that was weird.”, Gemma replied.

Everyone turned to look at Camila, what had she done?

“Do you have powers or somethin’ ‘cos that was strange? Your weird.”, someone in the back said, it was Katie.

“Excuse you, don’t talk to me like that!”, then she threw herself on top of Katie.

They started to fight each other. Shrieking and arguing.

“Camila! Stop that!”, Gemma shouted.

“Shut up!”, she cried.

Gemma grabbed Camila off the floor and pushed her to the side. Camila brushed herself off and stormed off to the cabins. Gemma chased after her.

  Camila

 I ran away from the others. Who did that girl think she was? Ugg if it hadn’t been for Gemma, I would have KILLED HER! Slamming the cabin door open I sat down on my friends’ bed and unrolled my sleeve. Good, its still there. I am lucky I didn’t change. Staring at the blank wooden cabin walls, Gemma came in. Quickly I rolled my sleeve back up.

“What was that outside?”, she said.

“Leave me alone! I haven’t been around others lately.”, I got up of the bed, “I didn’t do anything to Teena, I don’t know what happened out there, but I didn’t do it.”

“I believe you but its not about that. You threw yourself onto Katie!”

“Don’t you not like her anyway?”

“Yes, but you shouldn’t have done that. Like her or not.”

Suddenly I felt a tingly sensation in my arm, uh oh I was going ti change. I do not know why I can’t control it. If she sees me, I must kill her.

“Sorry, I need to go. Ill be back in a few minutes.”, my voice lowered, and Gemma gave me a puzzled look and nodded. Quickly I ran out of the room and ran into the woods behind our cabin. I liked it when I changed though. I roam around killing. I was going to kill Gemma when I saw her the other night but when she offered me to stay in the cabins with her and meet the other students then I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to do some work. The dark clouds began to spill out rain.

“HLEEO WAHT ARE YUO DINOG HREE? I JTSU WNANA PALY. FLOLOW ME!”

I stood in front of the little girl. So, her name was Katie. She was a thin girl, brown hair. Pretty eyes, too. My hand tightened as I squeezed the air out of her, like a helium balloon, what fun! My long nails digging into her arms, I want to inflict as much pain I can as possible.

“DNOT CYR IST OLNY GNONA HRUT A LTLTIE BTI.”, I laughed.

Now was she scared? If she was lying before then now, she was.

Katie dropped onto the floor, weak and lifeless. I got my sharpest nail and sliced her neck off, clean.

“Goodbye Katie.”, and with that I turned back into Camila. An innocent girl, who secretly found joy in killing not just enemies but friends too.

Walking out of the woods, I took good care to clean myself off and for no one to see me. When I walked back into the cabins, I saw Gemma had gone. I went out the front door to see where she had gone, but there was no sign of anyone.

Eventually I found them all in the First Aid Room. This was bad, if they found Katie’s body out there, they would know somethings up. So, I blended in, everyone didn’t even notice that I had been gone for the last half hour.

Aww, they were all worried about poor Teena, I thought sarcastically, pathetic humans.                  

             Gemma

 As soon as Camila left in a hurry, Michael walked into the room. Quickly, she turned around to see what he was doing.

“Why are you here?”, she asked.

“We are all gonna go check on Teena wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure I’ll be there in a sec…”

“Alright.”, then he went.

Gemma sat down, she felt sick to her stomach suddenly. Then she noticed something, when Camila left, she noticed something weird about her friend. Before she left, her voice changed. Like…it was getting deeper or something. She didn’t know. Shaking her head, she left the cabin, trying to keep herself stable, and went to the First Aid Room. When she walked in, she saw Teena’s hand being stuck in a boiling pot of water. Teena was screaming, not in pain but in sheer fear. Fear that her hand would be stuck in an ice block or boil and pieces would clump off. She had seen it before…

“It’s okay. Teena all you need to do is stop-stop screaming it is okay.”, Mrs Magel encouraged.

Gemma didn’t want to look anymore. She turned around.

A few minutes later, around twenty minutes or so, Gemma noticed Camila had returned but acted as if she hadn’t seen her. Maybe she was still upset about it.

“Hey, Gemma, can I talk to you for a sec?”, her friend asked.

“Yeah sure.”, grabbing her arm tightly she led her out of the door.

When they stepped outside the wind suddenly brushed up the leaves in the direction of the woods, where Katie’s body lay lifelessly on the ground.

“What’s wrong Camila?”

“I-I I don’t know how to explain it but I kindaaaa……”

“Kinda what?”

“I kinda- might have something to do with the freezing of Teena’s hand,” she said as she darted her eyes around                 and played with her fingers, “I’m not saying I did it, I just might have like broken her hand and then because of the cold weather I thought, ‘hey it might be funny if I put water on the ball and see if it freezes her hand.”

“Ok? Why are you tellin’ me this now?”

“I just wanted you to know.” She smiled.

Gemma smiled back and together they walked to the cabins. She then told her about how she couldn’t bear to watch Teena anymore. Camila offered for a walk in the woods, apparently, she had seen a swing in there and they probably could fit on it, both. Agreeing they set off to the woods.

“It should be near here somewhere, it’s kinda deep in.”, Camila said.

“Ok.”, Gemma was excited, she liked swings, but she didn’t tell anyone because everyone would think that she was a baby or something. Slowly they continued walking deeper and deeper into the forest. As they got closer to the said swing, they stumbled upon something sinister. Something that scarred Gemma. Lying on the floor of an oak tree was a body, a body Gemma definitely knew.

Katie’s…

Her head was cut off, her arm scratched deeply by something that looked like claws. Blood was still pouring out of her, spread around the tree and dirt. Gemma felt sick to her stomach. Camila helped her as she ran a few trees behind to vomit. Before she chased her, Camila grabbed Katie’s beheaded head. She smiled at her and spoke. “Have a great day in HELL!” and ran after Gemma.

“Are you okay, I’m so sorry I didn’t even- “

“Its okay…okay…”, she breathed heavily.

Straightening herself, Gemma suggested they should go back and inform Mrs Magel about their discovery. Camila said no!

“We can’t, not yet. I think we must keep it a secret. No one can know, got it?”, Gemma nodded in response and together, trying to ignore Katie’s decomposing body, and walked back to camp.

Gemma’s lips quivered in fear, she was the only one who knew, (apart from Camila), and she just didn’t know how she could ever keep this a secret. There was a murderer among them.

As the minutes went by, the students in the First Aid Room were piled out as the ambulance came and collected Teena.

Gemma had to leave now no matter what!

Dinner wasn’t the same as it was on the first day, everyone was confused about the events of today. Gemma was affected the most, she had seen something she had never seen before. But Camila, on the other hand, seemed fine. As if it was normal to see a dead corpse on the ground of a creepy forest. Gemma had guessed it was because she just killed animals all the time, so she wasn’t that troubled by it.

At the end of dinner, Gemma grabbed some sweets and went into the bathroom, she had to relax. She had to take time and think about what she had just seen. Gathering up all her thoughts she opened the door. The toilet was dark, unlike it had been before. Probably the light just wasn’t automatic like she thought it was. Walking into the room and closing the door behind her, she searched for the light switch. Maybe it was outside, and she had missed it but when she had checked there was no switch. Gemma gave up completely and then realized there was a small amount of light coming from the full moon outside, so she used it to her advantage.

Now, where was she? Oh yes, she had to plan her escape and she was going to bring Camila with her now. They had to leave now, more than ever.

The scrunched-up map was still in her jeans. Pulling it out slowly she sighed deeply. What was going on?

No-one needed to use the bathroom, so she was in the whole time, planning out everything perfectly. Sadly, there was no signal at camp and Mrs Magel had taken away all the phone when they arrived.

Wait, what time was it?

1:30am?! Sitting inside the bathroom, she had completely lost track of time. Getting up in a panic, she tried to open the door, but it was locked tight. Fumbling with the doorknob, she banged at the door. Oh, for god’s sake, she had stayed behind after dinner Mrs Magel had locked the door! Oh no!

How could she get out now? Helplessly panicking she prayed for someone to save her. To need to use the toilet during the night. To wake Mrs Magel from her sleep.

“HELP! HELP! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! IM STUCK INSIDE THE TOILET? CHEF? MRS MAGEL? CAMILA? ANYONE?!"

Continuously she banged at the door all night, but no-one came to save her. Giving in she sat back down and put her laid her head against the wall. What was the point anymore?

Her mum had told her, “Sometimes you need to give up and just go home. If you know there’s nothing for you there then just go!”, it wasn’t the best of advice and Gemma didn’t really know why it had popped into her head now. She had also said, “Stop looking for the answers look at what Is given or in front of you.” Then her face lit up, searching a for a way to go. For a way to leave. If she wanted to escape, she had to be able to escape a small bathroom, right? Maybe she was being tested, tested for her strength.

Darting her eyes around the room, they set on a small thin window on the roof, Gemma was small enough to fit through it. Grabbing the edge of the sink bowl and placing her leg on the cupboards, she was able to mount herself up and stand straight. The window wasn’t open but through it she could see into the woods and the other cabins just in the corner. Grabbing the window handle, she pushed it with all her strength. Falling forwards, she almost fell off the counter.

“I just needa wriggle out here, slowly…”, whispering, she pulled herself up and through the window. Now she was half in and half out. Suddenly, looking at the gravel ground made her dizzy, she wasn’t even more than 2 meters high and yet she felt as if she would faint, and that was exactly what happened…

  In the morning, she woke up to the loud noise of shouting and murmurs of other students. Although she was aware of people and could hear voices, they were all blurry and muffled. She shook her head and found herself in the First Aid Room. How had she been teleported from being stuck in the middle of the toilet window to lying in a sick bed?

Then it came to her realization that she had fainted and been rescued by Mrs Magel when she was doing night cabin check. She had forgotten all about that. Gemma hadn’t slept all night and maybe that was the reason she had fainted when she had. Her head throbbed and everything was swirling around. The noise in the room grew louder and louder until it became to loud to even bare to hear.

“Now, now get out let’s give- “, she could make out a few words from her teacher.

“Where-? Where am I?”, she said getting up from the sick bed and sitting up.

“Oh, Gemma your awake,” Mrs Magel turned her head.

Nodding her head, she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Suddenly, her back started to ache. Like she had hit it hard or something.

“Are you alright?”, her teacher asked, looking at Gemma like she was crazy.

“Yeah, yeah im fine. How did you- how did you find me?”

“Well, I saw you lying in the ground and got some help from the nurse. You fainted. How long where you stuck inside the toilet and what were you even doing?”

“I ermm-“, what was her best excuse?, “I erm- I slept. Yeah, I slept in the toilet I was really tired. Didn’t get no sleep last night, you know what I mean?”, she laughed nervously.

“Oh ok, just rest. You need it.”, her teacher turned halfway before turning back to face Gemma, “Have you seen Katie by any chance?”

OH NO, they are onto them. Camila said if anyone knew there would be a big problem. But she couldn’t lie to her teacher, (she had lied to her multiple times but this wasn’t a time where it would be any fun or good to lie, this was a genuine and creepy problem.)

“No, sorry haven’t seen her", and with that answer Mrs Magel nodded and left.

Gemma spent the rest of the day in the First Aid Room being constantly checked over by the nurse and her teacher. As the night rolled in the visits became less frequent until they stopped completely.

A scream. A scream that shrills in the night. It grew longer and longer.

Gemma woke up, and dashed straight out of bed. However, was screaming was still screaming and they would still be alive, right? Grabbing her slippers, she slid out of the room. Surprisingly no-one had woken up. Where was the scream coming from?

From inside the forest. She didn’t dare to go in by herself but she had to, find out who was screaming and what was going on. Was it the murderer who had killed Katie??

Cautiously approaching the Woodlands, passing through the high standing trees. Gemma walked slower and slower as she walked deeper into the forest. Searching her pockets for a possible flashlight she found a small ring that had a light, her pockets really did have everything! The light was small though not enough to see in front of her but she had to make do. She switched it on and continued walking.

The scream was still going and now it started to sound closer. Finally she was getting closer but then at that moment she felt as if the scream was almost- fake. Like there wasn’t really somebody out there needing help or in danger. But she had to shake that feeling off, there was someone is there who needed help and she had to do, she just had to…

When

Like no one was screaming and there wasn’t anyone in danger or needed help. Gemma had to shake of the feeling though, who other than a human can make a scream like this one.

When she reached the spot of where she thought the scream was coming from she found someone on the ground, lying in the cold on the edge of a wooden log. Who was it?

“Hello? Who are ya?”, she asked tilting her head to the side to see who could possibly be out here screaming.

“He-help… Gem-Gemma?”, a croak voice answered, it was Camila. She needed help.

Quickly Gemma walked over to help her friend.

“What happened Camila, “she noticed a big gash in her stomach and her hands we blue, they were freezing up! She was left out here to bleed. To die!

“Gemma I-I can’t be fixed, just leave me out here…”, Camila was getting weaker and weaker there would be no way for her to carry her back I into camp. She had to find help, but, where could she? They were deep inside the forest. So, she had to try another way:

“Help!! Hello?? Camila is-", her scream was cut off by Camila's hand covering her mouth. But Camila can’t stand up because her stomach was cut open! Wait…

“Shhh-shhhhh….”, she whispered.

“What are you doing”, her voice muffled.

Suddenly Camila started to transform into something inhuman. Something that looked like it came out of your nightmares.

White colored piercing teeth, like needles. Her hair became pale, just utterly white. Her hands and nails began to extend and soon they became so pointed that if you unintentionally touched her your head would chop of, which was what exactly happened to Katie…

“Cam-Camila? What are you…you?”, Camila took her hand of her mouth and put a finger on her lip, silencing Gemma again.

“TIHS IS A FNU GMAE INST IT”, she smiled and as she did her mouth unhinged dropping down and her teeth scratching against her chin.

“No-no not fun, not fun at all”, Gemma replied horrified.

Camila dragged her sufferer to the log and told her to stay put. But Gemma wasn’t just going to linger around for her to kill her she was going to make a run for it. Nodding her head, she watched as the monster walked into the trees and around them again… she was playing the waiting game. As Camila went back around the tree, Gemma saw it as her chance to run, to dash and leave. Leave forever and never come back to this hell. Camp really was the worst.

Gemma shot up and sprinted into the darkness. Weirdly, Camila wasn’t chasing  after her, she just waved her goodbye and continued on circling the trees, this wasn’t right. Why wasn’t Camila chasing after her?

Then she found out…

Camila was incredibly fast. Super-fast that when she ran you couldn’t even see her. Seizing Gemma by the neck she dashed back into the forest.

“HELP! HELP MEEEEE….”, she screamed into the night air but it was no use the monster has frozen her lips shut.

She smirked.

When they arrived back to the log, Gemma was becoming weaker and weaker. It was time to finish her. Time to end Gemma’s life of nothing but misery and sadness…

  Camila

 Finally, my plan was coming together, and her plan was failing, she was the last one left… the last one I needed to kill. I couldn’t wait to see the blood pour out of her and the ice cube turn a beautiful dark red color.

 Raising my hand I paused, I had to tell her something,

“I ARLEDAY KLELID EVYREOEN SO TREHE WSA RALELY NO PONIT IN SOTPIPNG YUO” and lowered my hand. Slicing her neck in half, I froze her head it a huge ice block.

My job here was done.

Turning to walk away, I looked back at Gemma, her body lifeless and blood pouring out of her neck, filling the ice block around her head with frozen blood. It was beautiful and now I knew I was capable of more than just murder.

I walked out of the woods and back to the first place I saw the class walking into the camp, right into my trap…

Now I sit here, watching and waiting for you to come,

Trust me when you’ve met me there’s nowhere run,

My freezing hands,

Will ruin your camping plans,

As I slice your neck,

I’ll make you a wreck,

Now I sit with you, you don’t know who I really am,

And when I show you my true self,

You’ll become a prize on my iceshelf.

Goodbye Gemma… :)

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Red Light, pt 1

Hockey AU - Featuring Star Trek AOS, first person OFC.

XXX

There was something about the smell of freshly cleaned ice that instantly transported me back to my childhood, and every time I came in to work, that reminder of happier times made the stress of this job worth it. It wasn’t that I disliked my job - in fact, I loved it. But it was stressful managing publicity and media for a hockey team.

The San Fransisco Enterprise has been the best team in the United Federation of Hockey for the past four years. After the retirement of General Manager Christopher Pike, however, the team had been struggling. There were new players, and the team just wasn’t gelling under team captain Jim Kirk. The starting line-up was a hot mess. Kirk was at centre, and a new trade, Spock, had traded in at season start with a personal record for goals from his team on New Vulcan. Spock was a precision player, head always in the game, brain always four passes ahead. Kirk, on the other hand, was a cowboy. He played tight in the corners, and was a hard hitter, but his strategy was better summed up as flying by the seat of his pants. The men had nearly come to blows in practice, and barely tolerated one another on the ice. That conflict made for an uneasy team all around.

Team morale was worsened when ‘Doc’ Puri, the journeyman goaltender who seemed to be able to stop anything, blew out his knee on a road trip. It was a career-ending injury, despite the advances to medicine that had come in the three-hundred plus years since the game had been invented. The new GM had to find another goalie, and quick. 

Which is what had been the biggest thing on my plate for the past week. Geoff M’Benga, the second string goalie, was in his first year in the pros. He was competent, but lacked the confidence to truly take the reins as the lead goalie. Talks had been heated, but finally, a trade was made with the Proxima Bees. The Enterprise’s draft pick for star goalie Leonard McCoy. McCoy was considered the best in the league, although his year had been off to a rough start. The man could stop almost anything, but the Proxima defense lines were weak and when they allow fifty plus shots on goal per night, there’s only so much one goaltender can do. McCoy was happy to be traded; the Enterprise had a solid defensive corp led by Montgomery Scott and Pavel Chekov, and the rumour was his marriage had just fallen apart and he was longing to get away from the drama.

I cleared my head of my musings, and filled my coffee cup at the pot in the corner of the office. The rich aroma of the coffee, countered with the cool tang of cleaned ice focused my thoughts on the day’s tasks. The press conference to announce the acquisition of McCoy was scheduled for 10. I needed a tight media release and some smiling players to welcome the new goalie. I pressed the button on my communicator to connect with the changeroom. 

“Kirk, Spock, please come to the administrative offices when you’re done showering,” I announced. The loudspeaker in the changeroom would be amplifying my voice over the din created by the showers, and I knew I could expect the men to arrive shortly. I logged into my PADD and pulled up McCoy’s current stats to begin the media release.

“I’m afraid Kirk is outside signing autographs and flirting,” Spock announced as he walked into the office. “I let him know you wanted to see us, and he said he would be up shortly.”

“How are you settling in, Spock?” I asked. The team was ten games into the season, and I’d been hoping to see a more cohesive group by now.

“I’m starting to understand Kirk’s playing style,” he admitted. “It’s not to my liking, but his recklessness does have some advantages.”

“You guys need a team-building retreat,” I laughed. “Strand you on an island so you have to cooperate to survive.”

Spock looked horrified at the suggestion. “Every practice is an opportunity to build our team,” he protested.

“Yeah, but part of what makes a team work is when you like each other. You have to be able to see your strengths and weaknesses and figure out how they complement each other. That’s easier to do when you are not only teammates, but friends,” I offered. He shrugged.

“I’m not sure that Kirk and I are destined to be friends,” he replied, without a hint of malice. “I fear we are too different.”

“More alike than you realize,” I countered. “But I have faith it’ll come.”

“We will see. As interesting as your perspective is, I hardly think you called us in here for a pep-talk,” he changed the subject quickly. The doors behind me opened and Kirk strolled in. Spock must have seen his approach.

“Leonard McCoy should land at nine this morning, and we have a press conference scheduled for ten. Marcus wants a couple of players at the scrum to welcome him. As top scorer and team captain, I felt you two were the obvious choices.” I directed my comments to both men. Kirk smiled his lazy, handsome smile and sat on the edge of my desk.

“Is that the only reason you picked me?” He asked. I raised my eyebrow in question and then realized he was trying to flirt. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“I’m not one of your puck bunnies, Jim,” I reminded him. “I’m immune to the charms of hockey players.”

“I keep telling you that if you just give me one chance, I can change your mind,” he teased. I laughed in response.

“And I keep telling you, I am a professional, and cannot compromise my integrity by carrying on with someone at work.” 

“That’s kindest way I’ve ever heard someone say that I’m not their type,” he winked.

“I appreciate that you recognize it as that,” I laughed.

“I appreciate that you allow me to continue to flirt with you,” he shrugged. “Keeps my skills up.”

“As if you need practice, Jim Kirk!” I shook my head again, but couldn’t help but smile. Of all the hockey players I’d ever interacted with, Jim Kirk was the safest. He loved to flirt, he loved to play the romance card, but he always respected the women he flirted with, and never went too far, never made anyone uncomfortable. “Now, scoot, both of you. I have work to do.”

XXX

I checked over everything that was needed for the press conference. Media release was ready, the new jersey for McCoy had just come up from having his name and number sewn on, scrum room was clean, chairs out, mics working. I placed the script for the GM on the prompter, and made sure it was running at his speed, and then double checked it. Marcus was not the kind of leader to make friends, and he ran a tight ship. He made me uncomfortable, and as a result, I actively sought to minimize our interactions. Being called on the floor because I’d screwed up something simple was not on the agenda. 

I was waiting at the zamboni bay doors for the arrival of the new goalie, to bring him to the press conference. The shuttle arrived from the airport just moments after I’d stepped outside. Leonard McCoy stepped out, ballcap pulled low on his brow. He swung his equipment bag over one shoulder and grabbed his stick bag with his free hand. He scowled at me as he approached. I reached for the stick bag and he pulled back.

“I can manage my equipment just fine, sweetheart. Just tell me where it goes,” he growled. I cocked my head to one side and gave him a hard look.

“My name is Samantha Nelsen, not sweetheart. You are welcome to call me Sam, or Ms. Nelsen,” I corrected sharply.

“Where do I stow my equipment, Sunshine?” he snapped.

“I was under the impression this move was a happy one,” I countered, my tone equally sharp and I gestured to a dolly sitting just inside the doors. “Perhaps you can put on your big boy pants before the press conference? You have five minutes.”

He dropped his bags with a heavy sigh and turned to face me. He looked exhausted. His jaw was covered in a three day growth of stubble, and there were bags under his eyes that appeared to be packing their own bags. Aside from that, he was as undeniably gorgeous as all his headshots had made him out to be.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry. I’m running on empty,” he apologized, pulling his ballcap off and rubbing a hand across his forehead. “Lawyer met me at the airport this morning to give me all the paperwork on my divorce. She took everything, the house, the car. She may as well have taken the goddamn team and the whole damn planet. All I’ve got left is my bones.”

“And a shiny new contract with the Enterprise,” I reminded him. “So let’s go counter some bad press with some good, shall we?” I offered a smile, hoping he realized I was effectively erasing his bad first impression. I headed toward the elevator, my heels clicking smartly on the hard cement.

“So you’re the media gal?” He asked, catching up with a quick skip. I pursed my lips and nodded.

“I prefer Manager of Broadcasting, Communications and Public Relations, media gal is kind of old fashioned,” I corrected with a wink, wondering exactly how many times I was going to have to straighten up this man’s language and bring it into the 23rd century.

“Of course, ma’am,” he nodded and bit his lip. I wasn’t sure if he was trying not to smile, or trying to bite back a smart comment. I suspected it might be both. I stepped on the elevator and held the door for him. As the doors closed, I turned and looked him over. 

“We need to stop in the office and grab you an Enterprise hat. Get rid of that ratty old Bees one. You glad to be back on Earth, at least?” I asked. He pulled his hat off again, and scrubbed his hand through his short, messy hair. I led him from the elevator to the office and pulled a hat out a closet full of swag. 

“I’ll let you know after I’ve had some actual sleep.” He pulled the hat on and checked his reflection in the mirror by my desk, slapping his cheeks a little to wake himself up. “This old face has a few more miles in it, anyhow.”

“Yeah, doesn’t look like you’ve stopped many pucks with it,” I teased, tipping my head toward the doors leading to the media room. He smirked.

“Why, Ms. Nelsen, I’d hazard you just told me you find me handsome,” he teased, meeting my eyes. With his temperament improved, and warmth in his eyes, it was undeniable, the man was stupidly hot.

“Focus on the press conference, pretty boy,” I laughed, opening the door for him. He walked in to the press conference, and I headed to the back of the room to manage the media.

[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 011 [A Hero’s Style]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,490 ☁

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“It’s the very first breath, When your head’s been drowning underwater, And it’s the lightness in the air when you’re there.” Logic ft. Alessia Cara, “1-800-273-8255″〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

The door to the nurse’s office slid open and the boy with the messy green hair stepped inside. He was cradling his right hand, the index finger swollen and badly bruised. I sat up on the bed, rising a brow at him. “The fuck happened to you?”

His gaze shot up, a blush covering his freckled cheeks and nose. “A-Ah, it was n-nothing, really!”

My eyes narrowed at him. “Pretty sure a broken finger ain’t ‘nothing’, but okay.”

“W-What about you?” he asked, softly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He refused to meet my gaze. “A-Are you okay, Winchester-san?”

The door slid open again and Granny stepped inside. “Can I help you, deary? What happened?”

He handed her a slip of paper, his green eyes trained on the ground. “I, umm… I got hurt…”

“Well, I can see that.” She brought his hand to her lips and gave it a smooch before having him sit down to wrap it up. He thanked her before swaying out of the room, tiredly. She glanced over at me. “Feeling better?”

“Define ‘better’,” I scoffed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I could go for some tacos, if that’s what you mean.”

“That’s the best I could hope for,” she smiled, patting my arm. “You’re free to go.”

I gave her a lazy salute before leaving the room. I stopped off to change back into my uniform before heading back to class. A couple students still lingered inside, turning to look at me when I slid the door open. Didn’t anyone ever teach these brats it’s rude to stare? I scowled, grabbing my bag from my desk before leaving the room.

“Young Jen!” A woosh of air rushed past me before Toshi appeared in front of me, his large hands on my shoulders. “I was looking for you!”

“Well, you found me. And you know where I live, so.”

“Come with me, please!”

It was a bit hard to avoid drawing attention to myself when I was being dragged along by the most attention-grabbing hero in the fucking world. He led me to a small room with a couch and coffee table, where three cups of steaming tea sat. Aizawa was sitting in an armchair with his eyes closed and arms crossed.

“Please have a seat,” Toshi held out his arm toward the couch and I plopped down on the end closest to Aizawa. He sat beside me, angling his large body, which slowly fizzled out to his skeletal form. He coughed a few times before speaking. “Will you tell me what happened today?”

“With the green-haired kid? Yeah, I was wondering about that, too. A broken finger is pretty crazy, huh?”

“Jen,” Aizawa shifted, giving me a pointed look.

I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t fucking know. One minute I was fine, the next I’m being subdued by Magic Eraser over here.”

Toshi put his hand on my knee, giving me a kind look. “You know you don’t have to keep secrets from us. You can be honest, you can trust us, we won’t judge you. We just want to help you.”

I clicked my tongue, lifting my leg to rest my ankle on my knee to remove his hand. “That’s pretty unfair, Toshi, when you have so many secrets of your own. Trust you? That’s rich considering you won’t even trust me.”

“What are you talking about, Young J -”

“You know a shit ton more about my dear old mum than you’re willing to tell, aye?” I forced a smile, standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets. “Probably about me, too. And this damned quirk. But that’s fine. I really don’t remember anything that happened so can I go now?”

The two of them exchanged a look.

“This isn’t over,” Aizawa responded, but his voice was softer than it had been earlier.

“Sure, sure.” I waved at them over my shoulder before closing the door behind me.

As I walked home, my phone started to buzz in my pocket as a new message came through. Another a few minutes later. And another. My eye twitched, already annoyed. I swear to god if Murder is spamming me again… but I knew it could only be him. I only have three contacts in my phone – Aizawa never texts me and I knew Toshi would be giving me some space for a while before trying to talk things out.

At that moment, I was overcome by a loneliness fiercer than I had ever felt before.

‘Oi, extra’

‘Dont ignore me’

‘I want a rematch’

The hell is this kid on about now? I replied, ‘U won last time bro…’

‘Its not a win unless i destroy u completely!’

I rubbed the back of my neck, ‘Im really not in the mood for this’

‘Che what crawled up ur ass and died?’

I hesitated, stopping to look up at the sky. The blue was replaced by hues of orange and red as the sun sunk low on the horizon. We’ve only talked a few times, but I felt… a bond with Murder and, right now, he’s the closest thing to a friend that I’ve got. ‘Hey… I wanna tell u somethin’

‘Oh god i dont want ur nudes’

This fuckin’ brat… ‘I said tell not show dumbass’

‘The fuckd u just call me bitch?!’

I slid my key into the lock, stepping into the silent apartment. I kicked my shoes off, pushing them against the wall so Toshi wouldn’t trip when he finally returned home. Falling onto the couch, another message came through.

‘Well r u gonna tell me or nah’

I smiled, sadly and began to tell him my story. I told him about how I got here and about the shadow man with his weird-ass warp quirk, about Gramps and how my mother was apparently a hero. I left out names and key details, of course, but I told him mostly everything that had happened over the past year. He would chime in with some smart ass remark every now and then, but I ignored them and continued to pour my heart out to this guy I had only just met a few days ago.

It felt so goddamn nice to get everything off my chest. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

That night, I slept better than I had since I arrived here.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“I am… HERE!” The door to class 1-A slammed open and Toshi leaned into the room, standing on his tiptoes and holding the outside of the doorframe. “Coming through the door like a hero!”

If that’s how heroes make an entrance, count me out. It seemed to impress the other students, though, as a murmur of excitement filled the room. God, these kids are too easily amused.

“I can’t believe it’s really All Might!”

��So he is a teacher! This year is going to be totally awesome!”

“Hey look, is he wearing his silver age costume?”

“I’m getting goosebumps, it’s so retro!”

I fell onto my desk with a sigh. It’s like a bunch of little kids meeting Santa at the mall. I guess I could kind of understand it if he had powers but they didn’t, but they do. They’re no different from him, they’re just younger. I was thankful to be sitting behind Big Boobs – between her tall frame and gravity-defying hair, I was completely hidden from Toshi’s line of sight. We hadn’t talked since yesterday. I was asleep by the time he came home, and he was gone before I woke up.

“Welcome to the most important class at U.A. High – think of it was heroing 101!”

I don’t think ‘heroing’ is a word. Or is it? Scratching my cheek, I pulled out my phone, hiding it under my desk as I typed the word into the Goggle. Oh my god, the first result that comes up says the word ‘heroing’ means the opposite of being a hero! There’s also a mention of something about heroines. I scoff, earning a glare from the Peppermint that sits beside Big Boobs.

“Here, you will learn the basics of being a pro! And what it means to fight in the name of good. Let’s get into it! Today’s lesson, we’ll pull no punches!” He held out a card that said ‘battle’ in large, bold letters.

“Fight training!”

“But one of the keys of being a hero is~” Toshi pointed to the left wall as thin shelves emerged from it, holding numbered cases. “Looking good! There were designed for you based on your quirk registration forms and the request you sent in before school started. Get yourself suited up and then meet me at training ground beta!”

“Yes, sir!”

I waited until he left the room before standing up and grabbing case number twenty-one, following the throng of students as they rushed to the locker rooms to get changed. I went to the back of the room, hoping to avoid the other girls before sliding my shirt off.

“Woah, you have a tattoo? That’s so cool!”

I glanced over at the Punk Girl, earphone jacks hanging from her ear lobes. I grunted in response, turning my back to her. She muttered something about being rude before walking away from me. I glanced over my ‘costume’ before grunting in approval. Honestly, I had expected them to fuck it up, especially since Midnight didn’t approve of it, but I was surprised that they had kept it just as specified.

Black, steel-toe combat boots accompanying black baggy cargo pants with plenty of pockets for knives. A black belt with a silver skull buckle. A white wife beater, over which was a white overshirt, the sleeves stopping just past my elbows. I glanced in the mirror, putting my pendant under the tanktop before tucking the front of it behind the belt buckle. Damn, I really like this look.

I stepped out of the locker room ahead of most of the girls, seeing a few guys leaning against the wall outside, waiting. Fumi was among them, dressed in a black cloak that completely covered his body. He glanced at me when I approached, red eyes scanning my body.

“You look nice, Winchester-san.” He said, politely.

I chuckled. “You can use my first name, it’s easier. And you don’t look so bad yourself, Fumi.”

“Fumi?” he mused, following in step beside me as we headed down the hall.

“Don’t like it?” I asked, glancing at him.

“I don’t particularly mind,”

I hummed.

As the group reached the end of the long hallway, I could hear Toshi’s booming voice before I saw him.

“They say that clothes make the pros, young ladies and gentlemen. And behold – you are the proof! Take this to heart, from now on, you are all heroes in training!” His shadowed eyes scanned the crowd. “This is getting me all revved up! You look so cool! Now, shall we get started, you bunch of newbies?”

My eye twitched. Who the fuck is he callin’ a ‘newbie’? Didn’t that insult die like five years ago? We’ve talked about this, man, don’t try to be hip, you’re just gonna embarrass yourself, bro. I sighed, shaking my head. This is gonna be a long-ass day.

Footsteps came from the tunnel and I glanced over my shoulder. Is that… a green bunny? No, no, no, there’s something familiar about that costume, but what is it? Ugh, this is gonna bug me.

“Now that you’re ready, it’s time for combat training!”

“Sir!” Prep was encased in a suit of armor. “This is the fake city from our entrance exam. Does that mean we will be conducting urban battles again?”

“Not quite!” Toshi held up two fingers and at first, I thought he was flashing us the peace sign. “I’m going to move you two steps ahead! Most of the villain fights you see on the news take place outside. However, statistically speaking, run-ins with the most dastardly evil-doers take place indoors. Think about it! Backroom deals. Home invasions. Secret underground lairs. Truly intelligent criminals stay hidden in the shadows. For this training exercise, you’ll be split into teams of good guys and bad guys, and fight two on two indoor battles!”

Good guys and bad guys? That’s such a gray area, ain’t it? I leaned my arm on Fumi’s shoulder, scratching my cheek. Is anyone truly ‘good’ or ‘bad’, really?

“Isn’t this a little advanced?” Frog-girl asked.

“The best training is what you get on the battlefield! But, remember, you can’t just punch a robot this time. You’re dealing with actual people now.”

Actual people, huh? Should I avoid using my quirk? If I lose control again, there’s no Aizawa around to stop me. Someone could get seriously hurt or… I shook my head. Come on, don’t think that way. Just take a deep breath, you got this.

“Sir, will you be the one deciding who wins?” Probably.

“How much can we hurt the other team?” How villainous.

“Do we need to worry about the losers getting expelled liked earlier?” No, ’cause Toshi ain’t Aizawa.

“Will you be splitting us up based on chance or comparative skill?” Should be obvious it’s gonna be random.

“Isn’t this cape pre chic?” What the fuck is wrong with you, French Fry?

I sweatdropped. These guys are really fucking nuts, aren’t they?

Toshi held his head back, his voice strangled. “I wasn’t finished talking…” He reached into his costume, which I didn’t know had pockets, and pulled out a small notebook about the size of his palm, flipping it open as he held each side with one hand. “Listen up!”

Oh my fucking god, he wrote a script for this? “This class is a hot fucking mess…”

“The situation is this: The villains have hidden a nuclear missile somewhere in their hideout. The heroes must try to foil their plans. To do that, the good guys either have to catch the evildoers or recover the weapon. Likewise, the bad guys succeed if they protect their payload or capture the heroes. Time is limited and we’ll choose teams by drawing lots!” He held up a bright, yellow box.

“Isn’t there a better way?” Prep asked.

“Think about it,” Green Bunny responded from beside him, holding up a gloved finger. “Pros often have to team up with heroes from other agencies on the spot. So maybe that’s the reason we’re seeing that here!”

“Yes, I see. Life is a random series of events… Excuse my rudeness!”

I should really learn these guy’s names, but how can I do that without actually having to interact with them? I wonder if Aizawa or Tosh would let me see the student files… that seems pretty doubtful. Plus, Tosh hasn’t looked at me once so he’s probably still upset with me.

“No sweat! Let’s draw!”

Yup, this is definitely going to be a long-ass fucking day.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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[mikasfangirlmodeison]

Avengers Endgame - Let’s untangle the time travel mess! *SPOILERS AHEAD*

EDIT 1: Added some things about the Power Stone and Thanos travelling to the future.

EDIT 2: Changed some things in the diagramms. Added the missing year.

EDIT 3: A little something about Steve. (This is getting longer and longer.)

Shout out to @darth-darling for pointing out some things and telling me the missing year ;)

First things first: I have watched the movie and I loved it! It made me laugh, cry angry and happy - which is what a great movie should cause in the audience. Also I watched it only once so far - I’d like to have watched it at least 3 times by now, but I live in Germany and OV Versions aren’t that often shown in my local cinema - and I can’t stand the synchro. So yeah, they’re will most likely be some mistakes in this and I appreciate it if you guys would point them out so I can correct the diagramms and explanations along the way ;)

Also this will be a long post, but pls stay with me, as you might be less confused after reading this - no guarantees though.

Now the first thing we have to look at is how time travel works in the MCU. 

I think this was pretty well explained by the conversation Bruce had with the Ancient One. Time is basically created by the infinity stones and can only be altered by using, removing or doing anything with them.

So while the original time line of 2012 looked like this:

it changed, when Bruce took the time stone from the Ancient One. But as was also explained, changing the past would not result in a change in your future but only in the future of the people in the past. Therefore, a new, diverging timeline was created, where the Time Stone wasn’t in New York anymore - directly effecting the upcoming events - of mostly Dr. Strange’s movie. Now, the original timeline, however, would still be there. So, we’d have two realities: one in which Dr. Strange’s events would happen as in the movie and one where they didn’t - nobody knowing exactly what would occur in this reality. The timeline would now look like this: 

However, taking the stone back to it’s original time in the past would basically erase the alternate timeline along with anything that happened in it - only leaving the original timeline as we know it. Looking at the diagramm, this is what’s left:

It basically looks like the first one.

Now, we have to apply this logic to every infinity stone and the events in Endgame.

Therefore, let’s first look at the timeline for when every stone is where it should be. For clarity, I only included the events which were directly important and shown in Endgame - leaving out the rest like Ultron or Guardians 2.

Edit 2: The missing year is added now. 

Now, let’s have a look at the events when our time travelling heroes took the stones. I’ll leave the battle of New York for last as it gets the most complicated there.

Let’s start with Thor 2. In 2013 Jane Foster came to Asgard cause she fused with the Aether - which is as we know - the Reality Stone. Taking that from her, Rocket and Thor create one new timeline directly affecting the events of Thor Dark Kingdom. Now they also take Mjölnir with them which you could see as a problem. But with the explanation from above, we know that this only affects the new timeline. In this one there’s no Reality Stone, no Mjölnir and Frigga still dies cause Thor didn’t tell her it was her death day. So, basically everyone’s fucked in this reality. The original one. however, still happens as seen in the movie.

Next is Guardians 1 in 2014. On Morag our heroes knock Star-Lord unconscious and then proceed to take the Power Stone back with them to the future - creating one new timeline. In this new timeline Star-Lord is basically fucked - which will however be reverted once the stone is brought back. However, this timeline brings a new problem, as Thanos and his crew hack into future Nebula’s brain and learn everything - resulting in them coming to the future. I heard people say they were confused about how the Snap would happen if these guys get killed there. But we have to remember that they’re alternate versions, so the original ones are still in the original timeline, doing their thing - which includes the Snap later.

Still 2014, Nat and Clint make their way to Vormir. Events happen as seen in the movie and there’s one alternate timeline in which Gamorra doesn’t die cause the Soul Stone is already taken. Here might lie a problem, but more on that later.

Sometime after Captain America, (as said above if anybody knows the exact year pls tell me) Tony steals the Tesseract, and therefore the Space Stone, from S.H.I.E.L.D. resulting in a timeline where Howard Stark met his own grown-up son. Luckily, he didn’t realize. However, this was only necassary since our heroes “slightly” fucked up in 2012.

Which leads us to the battle of New York in 2012 and the events of the frist Avengers movie. This is where things get complicated as we have 3 Infinity Stones here: Time, Mind and Space (again). If we assume that everytime a stone is taken, a new timeline gets created, we should now have a bunch of them. There should be timelines where only 1 stone is missing, where 2 are missing (depending on which stone was the first one taken) and there’s also 1 timeline where no Infinity Stone is left in New York. And some of them are branching off from the others. I’m too lazy to do the math right now, but yeah, you should get the gist of things being messy here. For convenience, I’m only including the important divergent timelines in the diagramm, which are 2: The first one being a reality where all 3 Infinity Stones are gone and the second one where only one - namely the Tesseract/Space Stone - is missing, cause our favourite trickster god took it. Which is also the reason Tony had to take the detour above in the first place. 

Now, let’s take a look at the diagramm after the whole time travelling business. I present to you a whole mess of alternate realities:

Are you still with me? We’re halfway, now it’s time to get those stones back to their right times - more or less erasing the mess we created before.

While everything should theoratically be fine after Steve took the stones back, there are some issues we have to adress. But let’s start with the easy things first. Therefore, I should say that I don’t think it’s important in which order Steve travelled, although it’s save to assume that he brought the Tesseract back last.

Actually, the only EASY thing here is the Reality Stone. Bringing this one back just erases the alternate timeline and there are no other problems. Taking Mjölnir back is basically pointless since it’s alternate Mjölnir and it will get erased together with the other timeline anyways. But well, maybe Steve wanted to carry it around a bit longer.

Next thing I’d like to adress is the Soul Stone because I’ve seen questions about why they couldn’t bring Nat back. This is easily answered when looking at the explanation of the Ancient One again. Bringing back the stones erases the alternate timeline and everything that happened in it after the stone was taken. Now the important thing here is AFTER. Nat died to create the Soul Stone, so before Clint took it with him. Therefore, she died before the alternate timeline was created and there is no way to bring her back by erasing it. Now the real problem here is Gamora. As the Soul Stone was already gone in the alternate timeline she wouldn’t have died in this one. But she theoretically should be dead in the original one. The problem about that is however, that the Soul Stone is already created. Sure, it is in the hands of the guardian, but it is already made so there should be no need to sacrifice another soul. Unless the guardian is just cruel and likes to see that happen - but that would go against his whole purpose. I guess, he could just destroy the stone. But I don’t think it’s that easy to recreate it again following the procedure just the way as before, as it was obviously quite the deal when Thanos destroyed all the Infinity Stones after the Snap. So we might still have an alternate timeline here which wasn’t erased and which might affect Guardians 3 in the future.

Adding to the mystery of Gamora are also the events surrounding the Power Stone. Bringing this one back basically erases the timeline of Thanos and crew coming to the future - these guys basically never existed then - which should include Gamora. This might be underlined by the fact that the Guardians’ ship can’t determine her location at the end. So maybe she really was erased by bringing the stone back. But then again the eventual alternate Gamora from the Soul Stone timeline could still exist somewhere. However, this Gamora wouldn’t have been in the future, but should on the other hand be a part of the Guardians. It’s also unclear whether the snap would have happened in that reality, as Thanos couldn’t have gotten the Soul Stone by sacrificing her. Maybe he killed the Guardian though and took it from him? So yeah, this whole Gamora business really confuses me. 

Edit 1: Regarding the confusion about Thanos learning everything and then disappearing into the future, it’s important to know the exact time he hacked into Nebula’s brain. If I recall correctly, the movie showed us this scene between Star-Lord getting knocked out by Rhodey and Nebula and them getting to the Power Stone. But I think it’s supposed to be simultaneously to Rhodey and Nebula taking the stone which would mark it the beginning of the alternate timeline. Resulting in it getting erased by taking the stone back, which means Thanos never getting to know anything. That way everything will happen as it’s depicted in the movies. 

Here’s another diagramm for that:

Know that everything connected by a purple line belongs to the alternate timeline and will be erased by putting the Power Stone back.

On another note, if alternate Gamora exists, how would she get to the original timeline? She’d need to travel from another reality, another dimension, to this one. And the only way that MIGHT be possible would be using the Space Stone but oh wait, this one’s either destroyed by Thanos OR taken by Loki - which brings us to problem No. 2.

The whole reason Tony had to travel even further back in time was that Loki got away with the Tesseract after the Batte of New York in 2012, creating some of the confusing alternate timelines. While most of them - including the one where all 3 stones are gone - get erased when taking the Time and Mind Stones back there, we’re still left with that other reality where only the Space Stone is missing. So even if that whole Gamora business turns out that she’s just dead again and nothing happens after that, alternate Loki is still a thing unresolved. Which might be a problem since we’re talking about crazy Battle of New York Loki here and not precious Thor Ragnarok Loki. So this timeline might get fucked later. I hope the MCU does something with this - or else I’ll be very disappointed and slightly mad.

What’s left is the Tesseract Steve has, which he brings back as well - resulting in him staying in the past. 

Well, lets look at the timeline after bringing back the stones, before we adress Steve:

As we can see most divergent timelines got erased again - only definitely leaving Loki’s, and additionally maybe Gamora’s alternate timeline. And I sure hope the MCU will do anything with that or else I’ll be very disappointed and slightly mad! 

Edit 3: Now let’s adress Steve. While I loved the idea of him staying in the past and finally being able to be happy with Peggy, there are some problems with that. 

As we all know, by 1970 she’s already married - to Daniel Sousa as we can see in the Marvel series Agent Carter. Now there are two possibilities:

1. Steve stays in 1970 woos Peggy again, resulting in her getting a divorce. Steve than marries Peggy herself. However, the problem with that is the end scene of Endgame where you can see Peggy and Steve dancing together. In this scene they’re both still fairly young - which shouldn’t be the case for Peggy in 1970. So this possibility is pretty much ruled out. 

2. Steve leaves the Tesseract in 1970 and travels back even further to 1945 shorty after the plane crash in Cap 1. He then goes on the promised date with Peggy - resulting in the dancing scene we can see at the end of Endgame. Now, the problem with this is, that this rules out all the events of Agent Carter. Meaning this must be an alternate timeline as well. Now if that’s the case, how exactly is it possible for Steve to be on that bench later in the future as his old self? He would have to travel from his alternate dimension to the original timeline - only possible by using the Space Stone. Even leaving aside the how and when of him doing that, the usage would probably create some further alternate timelines, which would mostly likely result in some sort of mess again. Furthermore, he would have to sit still doing nothing while knowing about Hydra’s actions in the past and Bucky - making him kind of an asshole. Needless to say, I’m not that fond of this possibility either.

Which is why I thought about it some more and came up with a 3rd option. Now this is just my own assumption and there is no proof or anything for it.

But let’s say Steve goes to 1970 and leaves the Tesseract there. He then travels to 1945 and goes on that date with Peggy and they dance. But instead of staying, he leaves and disappears after that, staying in hiding. Now it’s safe to assume that Steve knows about Peggy’s family situation and her later husband Daniel - I mean he hooked up with her niece. As we find out in the movies, Daniel is already dead when Steve wakes up and Peggy is old and sick with Alzheimer’s. Now, the question is: When did Daniel die? For this theory to work out his death must have been a while before Peggy becoming ill. It would then be possible for Steve to return to Peggy after Daniel’s death, helping her through her time of grieve and marrying her way later - maybe even after her illness broke out. Of course, Steve would still be an asshole for letting things happen with Hydra and Bucky, but we shouldn’t forget that he knows it wouldn’t change anything in the future. And at least we wouldn’t have any more alternate timelines. 

Let’s incorporate this option into our diagramm from before:     

Now, I’m at the end! I hope I could get rid of some of your confusion - writing this surely helped me at least. As said before, I’d really appreciate you pointing out mistakes and the like. And thanks for reading this hella long post!

[rjalker]

A realllly long art tutorial on how I make my art.

Start by drawing something on paper. This example was me using pen on a piece of receipt paper. 

The main thing to keep in mind with this method is that you want very dark, very clear lines. That’s easy with pen, but if you’re using pencil, you’ll have to go over the drawing a few times to make sure they’re dark enough.

You can also use a sharpie or other marker to go over your pencil drawing, and then erase the pencil, which is what I usually do.

Take a picture of your drawing. Preferably less blurry than this picture^, which isn’t really bad but it could definitely be better.

IF your phone gives you the option to take pictures in greyscale? Take the picture in greyscale. This was taken before I figured that out, though, so I’ll show you how I did it before.

Once you’ve taken your picture, get it onto your computer. I usually just post it to tumblr and then save it.

Open GIMP (which I’ll put a link to in a reply) or Photoshop or whatever kind of photoediting program you have on your computer. I have GIMP, so this’ll show you how to do it in GIMP, but you can probably? apply the same methods to photoshop? maybe? Either way, open the picture in that program.

Go to whichever tools let you mess with saturation and stuff. for GIMP, you can go to the tools up at the top

Or you can do it with a brush.

With a brush, just select “Saturaion” as the brush mode, and set the color to black.

You’ll have to go over the whole drawing with the brush, which can be easy if it’s a small drawing, or time-consuming if it’s giant. Which is why I mainly just use the color tools at the top.

(The rest is under a cut because it’s long)

Just move the Saturation bar all the way down.

Okay! Either way you did it, your drawing should now be completely grey and various shades of black!

Now, we go back up to the top, and this time we select the Brightness/Contrast tool.

which looks like this:

You want to set the contrast ALL the way UP.

It’ll make it look something like this:

If you have too many extra lines and smudges (like in the bottom corner of this one) you can adjust the Brightness setting until it’s how you like. You can also do this to darken the lines if your lines were a bit to pale to begin with.

Just make sure you keep the Contrast setting at the max, because that’s how you get the picture to be JUST black and JUST white.

Hit okay once it’s how you like it, and then you can either color the picture in GIMP however you want, and use other brushes to get rid of the extra smudges, or, if you’re a heathen like me, you can copy it into MS Paint.

what can I say? I’m lazy. I like Paint.

At this point, I get rid of the extra lines, and I usually move the picture and decrease the border so there isn’t all that extra space.

And at this point, you can just use the paint bucket tool or whatever the color the drawing as it is.

BUT! This drawing is really messy, so if we do that, we’d eitehr have to go in and painstakingly fill in every gap, or leave it looklikg like this

Which is fine! You can definitely color it and leave it like this! But if you want to make it look cooler?

Pick a random color for the background. Anything but white. Let’s go with blue for this example.

Make ANY spot that you want to have color in the final product YELLOW. Because any spot that’s left white is going to be turned to black. It’s gonna become part of the lineart.

How? By painstakingly filling them all in with black????

NOPE!

By doing this:

Set your foreground color as black, set your background color as white.

Set your selection tool to Transparent Selection. Make sure it has the checkmark next to it.

Now hit CTRL+A, CTRL+C to select the entire picture, and copy it.

Now hit delete.

trust me.

It should have turned the whole thing white.

Now use the paint bucket to turn it all black.

Now, hit CTR+V to paste the drawing back into the picture.

And it should now look like this!

All those pesky, hard to reach spots? Now part of the lineart!

Now you can use the paint bucket to fill in the while thing with minimal fuss!

And this is great!

BUT!

YOU CAN DO EVEN MORE!!

Want to give her stripes? spots?

Copy the whole thing again. Let’s say I want to put spots on her shirt! I select the color of her shirt I’m going to draw on as my background color, which you can do by right-clicking with the eyedropper.

Set the color you want the stripes to be as your foreground color. I’m using yellow again just so you can see.

For this example, I’m drawing the spots on the middle part of the shirt. So! Draw whatever pattern you want, and don’t worry about going outside the lines!

Fill them in if you want

And you can even do more designs within the spots, like rosettes!

Now!

Paste the drawing back over itself, making sure you have Transparent Selection selected, and the color of the shirt as your background color. Also make sure you’re either zoomed out all the way, or it’ll paste it wrong.

It should now look like this:

Which we can then recolor to look like this!

And you can use this method to add paterns to any part of the drawing! Just always make sure to set the part of the drawing you’re drawing ON as the background color, and the color you’re drawing WITH as the foreground.

And there you go!

That’s how I do my art!

[itsallabigmess]

Drunk Confessions

A/N: Had this Enemy (kind of) to lover scenario in my head for a while. Hope you guys like it.

 Any critics, comments, suggestions, tips, wanna vent about anything... my inbox is always open. 

A.

You were never a heavy drinker, so it was no surprise that after only a few bottles of beer you were way past the tipsy point. Your friend Bambam had invited you to a small get together at his place and you were more than excited to spend some time with him and other friends after another hellish week at work. But as you got there, you soon realized that the small reunion was actually one of his flamboyant parties, full of people you never met before, with way too much booze and not enough food. It was all fun until an hour later you felt left out by your friends and got bored. So you just decided to get as drunk as everyone else seemed to be. Something that was way too easy to achieve.

You dragged your body from the couch to the balcony, tired of listening to the boys sing girl group songs out of pitch. The night didn’t seem as cold as before, or maybe it was just the excess of alcohol making your cheeks burn. You inclined your body to the front, elbows over the balcony, hands cupping your own face while you watched the street lights and passers blur together.

“You aren’t thinking about jumping, are you?”

You didn’t need to turn your face in his direction know it was Mark, his snarky tone always giving him away.

“Shouldn’t you be inside, dancing with Bambam?” he asked again, stopping right next to you.

“Not in the mood,” you said lazily, eyes still fixed in the street.

“That would be a first.”

“How about you?” you asked, lifting your body too fast, feeling a bit dizzy. You rested the side of your hip on the balcony for some balance, trying to look angry at Mark, even though you knew that at the moment, you could only look wasted. “Why are you disturbing my moment of peace?”

“You do realize we are at a party, right?” he retorted turning his body to you, shoving his hand inside the pockets of his jeans. “If you wanted peace you should have stayed home.”

Mark looked up and down to you, which only made you angrier. He always did this to you: criticizing, making snarky remarks and letting you how much your presence bothered him. You never understood why. You always treated him the same as the other friends you had in common. Same as Bambam for that matter and his was one of your closest friends. You thought about it over and over again before, if you had made or said anything to him that would cause this kind of unnecessary behavior, but no answer ever came in mind.

You stared back at him, knowing that, even though your vision was a bit blurred he looked hot, as he always did, the fucker. Another thing that annoyed to the core. You tried to walk past him, deciding that you really didn’t want to deal with him. Instead, you would grab another beer and maybe, in fact, go sing with the boys. But of course, you tripped on your own foot, knee suddenly losing any strength.

“You really shouldn’t drink more than you can handle,” he said, holding you up by your shoulders, keeping you steady.

It took a few seconds before you could focus again. You looked at his face, a grim on his lips. It made your blood boil.

“You hate me, don’t you?”, you affirmed more than asked, his browns arching up surprised by it. “You are always being rude to me, cutting me off. Even when I’m nice with you. And I’m always nice! So why?”

Mark stared you down, his hands unmoving on your shoulders, afraid you might still fall if he let you go. He was surprised nonetheless, by this confrontational side of yours he never met before, wondering how much of it was thanks to liquid courage.

“You are drunk,” he finally said, losing his grip on you and taking a step back.

“Yes, I am” you nodded, a smile of satisfaction on your face “But doesn’t mean I am wrong, right? You do hate me.”

He didn’t answer you, looking a bit disconcerted by your approach, which made a nice difference, you thought since it was always the other way around. It gives you some boldness, somehow, seeing him embarrassed, out of words to say. You walked towards him to diminish the distance between you two, your eyes fixed on his. In a quick move, you threw your arms around his neck locking your lips with his for a second. Maybe two.

“I like you even if you are an asshole” you whispered in his lips, before blacking out.

You woke up nauseated, your head pounding. Very aware you were still at Bambam’s house, you ran to the closest toilet, your stomach not so kindly remind you why you should never drink again.

You sat on the floor, taking a deep breath, throat burning as much as your stomach, feeling like you could still hear all the singing that was going on last night ringing in your ears. You waited until your stomach calmed down, washed your mouth and face, avoiding to face yourself in the mirror, very aware of how terrible you were looking. You wanted to take a hot shower, hoping it would make feel at least decent again. Maybe even enjoy Bambam’s luxury bath tube before going home.

You hardly left the bathroom when you heard the sounds you thought you were imagining coming from the kitchen.

“Morning sunshine” Bambam screamed, making your head hurt even more instantly “You look like shit”

“Good, I feel like shit”

“Come on” Bambam pushed you by your shoulders, directing you to the table. “Mark made us breakfast”

“Mark...?”

That’s when you saw him in the kitchen, collecting the bottles and cups that were left from last night and throwing them into a black garbage bag.

“He offered to help me clean everything up,” he said, giving you a glass of water and what you assumed was aspirin.

“How thoughtful” you muttered.

Mark was wearing sweatpants and black shirt, his hair completely messy, evidence that you were not the only one who crashed at Bambam’s place last night. He didn’t look at you though and you pondered if he remembers the things you said to him the last night. You didn’t remember seeing him drinking and besides the sleepy face, he looked completely fine. But then again, you didn’t really notice Mark was present until he talked to you in the balcony.

Your stomach twisted as you mind got clear. Oh fuck, you thought the image of you kissing him coming back so vividly.

“I don’t think my stomach can handle anything right now,” you said, staring down to the toasts, eggs and orange juice that Bambam had put in front of you.

“It will actually help you feel better,” Mark said, still paying attention to the mess in the kitchen.

You glanced at Bambam, that seemed way to happy eating his eggs and bacon. Was he the one who put you in bed? Or was it... Mark? You could feel a little shiver run through your body with the thought.

“I better go home,” you said after taking a sip of the juice.

“What? No, Noona. Stay!” Bambam whined, “Let’s watch movies and be lazy for the rest of the day.”

“I have things to do, actually. Maybe next time?”

“I can give you a ride if you want to” Mark offered, a soft smile on his face.

“No, I…” you stopped yourself from talking too fast, afraid you were acting too anxious “I can get a cab.” you gave him a lazy, friendly smile.

“You sure?” he asked again

“Yeah. Uhm, see you guys later”

Standing on the sidewalk, arms crossed, hoping a cab would appear soon, you couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. Why did you kiss him? Saying the things you said, that was fine. He deserved to listen at least once how you felt. Well, except the part you told him you liked him. Because you didn’t. Yes, when you first met you thought that he was kinda cute. But that was ages ago. Now, didn’t necessarily hate him but like him? That was big no. And the kiss… Why did you have to kiss him?

Your palms were pressing against your eyes as if somehow it could help you erase the image of his lips touching yours – not that it was bad, but it was wrong, so wrong! - when you heard Mark call your name.

“Bambam wanted me to make sure you were okay,” he said before you could talk.

“Oh...I’m fine” you answered, fidgeting from one side to the other.

“Sure you don’t want me to take you home? It’s no problem at all.” he waved his car keys in front of you, his smile formed in a thin line.

“Seriously, I’m okay.”

You looked to the other side of the road, feeling uncomfortable with the silence between you too. Mark was still standing there, as if he had no plans to go anywhere, keeping his gaze on you. You wondered if he was waiting for you to get inside a cab, before returning to Bambam’s place… which was nice of him, you admitted.

“I don’t hate you,” he finally said, making you finally look at him. He was biting his lower lip, looking insecure at the ground before rising his eyes again “To answer your question...”

“Mark, look...”

“It’s quite the opposite, actually” he blurted out “I just… I feel nervous when I’m around you. I never know what to do or say… So I just act...weird.”

“You don’t need to do this.” you said after staring at him, trying to take in what he was saying “Pretend to suddenly like me so I don’t feel shitty about what I said to you last night.”

Mark tilted his head, looking confused. “That’s not what I...”

“Look, Mark,” You interrupted him, letting out a heavy sigh “I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. But my head is killing me and I really don’t want to talk about it so… just forget it, okay? You can continue to be all sassy with me and I promise I will not bother you because of it anymore.”

You practically jumped on the sidewalk to make the cab stop for you, awkwardly nodding at Mark before getting in. A glance in the rear-view mirror and you could still see him standing at the same place as the car started to move. At your place, you went directly to the fridge, wanting to devour the strawberry ice cream you still had almost untouched, a weird habit you acquired back in college: stuff yourself with ice cream every time you felt nervous, stressed or confused.

So there you were, sitting by the kitchen counter, mouth full, trying to figure out what the hell just happened – as if the night before weren’t enough to make you confused.

“Well, you loke like shit” your roommate Sue pointed out, coming out of the bathroom wearing only her towel, hair still dripping.

“So I’ve been told,” you muttered, another spoon of ice cream flying to your mouth.

“What’s going on?” Sue asked, grabbing a spoon to herself.

“I think Mark declared himself to me,” you said, revising his words on your head, trying to figure out what it all meant.

“What? When?” Sue shirked at your ear, bringing your headache back to life.

“This morning, when I was waiting for the cab...”

“Wow. I never thought he would have the courage. Good for him.”

“What do you mean?” you looked at her, puzzled.

“Oh come on. I think every know at least suspects that he had a crush on you for ages. All the provoking and the way he looks at you. Very childish but still… typical! You really never suspected, did you?”

“Of course not! That’s not it”

“You can be really naive sometimes, baby.” she cooed, tapping the top of your head as if you were a small child. And sometimes you felt like one when Sue was acting all motherly towards you. “So how he did do it? Please give me the details.”

You debated for a few seconds, considering if you should tell Sue, he encouraging smile on you. Being best friends since childhood, you were never too good at hiding things from each other.

“Actually… I told him that I liked him and kissed him last night. Or I kissed him before telling him...”

“You little minx! How can you cut the most important part of the story?!”

“I was drunk! I didn’t know what I was doing! And it was just a quick peck.”

“Yeah, right. So when are you going on an official date?”

“We aren’t.”

“He didn’t ask you out? What an ass!”

“Well, I kinda didn’t give him any chance to talk this morning,” you told her, retelling the brief moments you and Mark had before getting into the cab.

“Bet he's gonna call you this week.” she swooped another spoon of ice cream.

“Don’t think so…”

“He will trust me. That boy likes you. A lot, I dare to say. And let’s be honest, you like him a bit too.”

“What?!”

“You kissed him! I know you well enough to know that even drunk you would never even flirt to anyone unless you were into that person. Besides, you wouldn’t be all affected and looking like you are about to implode if both the kiss and his half ass confession didn’t mean anything to you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, putting another big spoon inside your mouth, crossed with the possibility that Sue might be right. Mark was undoubtedly handsome. Cute, actually, but not too cute. He was very quiet, which was something you kinda admired, especially when you were with your group of friends, where some people never knew when to shut up. But you never really considered that you actually liked him. But was Sue right, though? It wouldn't be the first time she pointed out you might have a feeling for someone, you reckon.

“Now, go get cleaned up, you promised we were going shopping.” She slapped your arms lightly, in a way to make you move, taking away the ice cream from you, even the spoon on your hand.

“I was hoping you would not mind going alone. I really want to go to bed.”

“It’s not my fault that you decided to get drunk and throw kisses around, is it?!”

“You’re never letting this go, are you?”

“Never” she winked.

You were glad that Sue didn’t really provoke you that much about Mark, you two too busy to find some dress that she saw online and was obsessed with. By the end of the day, you two had bought way too many things that you didn’t need and finished the shopping spree eating pizza – Sue’s courtesy for making you walk for hours in crowded places while dealing with probably the worst hangover you ever had.

After sleeping through most of your Sunday, the weekend was over in a blink, and there you were back at work, your clueless boss giving you hundreds of tasks to deal with all by yourself. You were having a quick lunch at your table when you finally had the chance to check your phone, one single message waiting to be read.

Mark Tuan: Guess the best I can do at this point is just be straightforward so… Would you like to have dinner with me?

You stared at your message for a few seconds, surprised it was Mark’s. At some point, you had his number saved, but could not pinpoint when. You have never texted directly to one another before, only briefly talking in groups you and your mutual friends were included.

Deciding if you should text back or not, you could practically hear Sue’s voice in your head proudly saying that she was right.

Are you sure you are sending this to the right person? you texted back, not very proud of it but also not knowing exactly what you should do. A simple no would be so much easier. Then why didn’t you just texted that?

You barely put your phone down when it vibrated again, pointing you just got a new message.

Mark Tuan: I’m texting the girl who drunkenly kissed me Friday night, right?

You: Guess she was too drunk to remember…

Mark Tuan: Good, that means we can have a better first kiss…

Mark Tuan: Not that it was bad!

Mark Tuan: But I would rather kiss you when you are completely sober.

Mark Tuan: So… Dinner?

He really wants to go on a date with me, you thought. But why? Mark didn’t like you, right? He was just... testing you, maybe? It didn’t matter, you decided. You were not going out with him, and you would not overthink about this - even though, you kinda were already were doing it.

Mark didn’t cross your mind for a second, you being overly occupied with all the paperwork you had to deal with, until the next day, when you were having small talk with your colleagues at the coffee break area, someone informing that you just had a delivery waiting for you on your table. When you got there you saw a single red rose, no cards or any type of notes with it. It didn’t take long to your phone ping.

Mark Tuan: Hope you like roses… Let’s have dinner.

You mentally cursed Mark when you realized the silly smile that you had on your lips. He was not giving up easily, you figured. So you just might as well have some fun, maybe test his limits.

You: Roses? I’m only seeing one…

Another rose arrived at your table the next day, almost at the same time, a text following right after.

Mark Tuan: We can get ice cream and walk in the park if you’re not that hungry…

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!” one of your colleagues stopped at your table, admiring the two roses that decorated it.

“I don’t,” you answered, lowering your phone.

“Oh, so you have an admirer, then” another colleague suggested. “Is it someone from the office? Should we guess who?”

“He’s not from work.” you tried to sound boring, looking at your monitor. “Just some guy trying to ask me out.” It didn’t stop them to continue to gossip about who was sending you such affectionate gifts until your boss came in, remind you all you were about to have a general meeting.

On this heat? I prefer more breezy days, you texted back before heading to the conference room.

Thursday was filled with more meetings and phone calls, you barely had time to even eat, only noticing a third rose on your desk when you were about to leave home. You only read Mark’s message, a new invite, now for a coffee shop that he apparently loved, when you were already in bed, feeling too tired to think of an answer.

You just came back of lunch when you found the fourth rose waiting for you, a smile appearing on your face. After not answering Mark’s last text, you wondered if he would send you another. Somehow the thought of not getting one annoyed you more than you would like to admit. You smiled again when your phone ping, his text coming almost an hour later.

Mark Tuan: If you are going to ignore me, maybe I should stop with the roses…

But that way the others would feel very lonely. Don’t you have a heart?!, you texted back, sending him a pic of all the roses arranged in the mug you were using as an improvised vase.

It was late when you finally was free to go home, being one of the last people to leave the office, glad that the week was finally over. You wished your remaining colleagues a nice weekend, and went down the elevator, wishing nothing more than a warm shower. You were about to call Sue, to ask her if she had already called for some delivery food, when you saw him, right outside the building, holding another rose.

“Mark! What are you doing here?”

“Asked Bambam what time you usually leave. Been waiting for a while” he answered moving closer, a childlike smile on his face. “Are you hungry?”

“You are not gonna give up, are you?”

“Don’t know if you noticed, but I can be very stubborn”

“You don’t say...”

“Look, I know I’ve been pretty much an idiot from the get-go. But after this week, you answering my texts...I figure I could still, somehow, have a chance to show you that I’m not as half as bad as you might think I am.”

You wouldn’t admit to him, but you did enjoy all the flirtation, if you could call it that. The texts you shared, getting a rose every day. Mark waiting for you outside your job. All the bad impressions you had about him fading piece by piece, day by day. Sue was right, you did have a crush on him, and it only got worse through the week. And now, with him looking incredibly charming with his casual look, big puppy eyes glaring at you, it was really hard to say no.

“I already got a rose today” you nodded at the one he was holding with both hands.

“I didn’t send you one on Monday,” he said, the corner of his lips twitching up.

“Okay,” you said after a few more seconds of consideration “There’s a really nice coffee place close by...”

“We are not going for coffee,” he said, his hand slightly pushing the curve of your back, showing you the right direction.

Mark drove you to small grill place he said he visited way too many times since he lived alone and never learned how to cook properly, the delicious smell of barbecue making your stomach growl as soon as you walked in. Mark ordered for both of you, swearing it would be the best barbecue you would ever eat. And that’s when all confidence he appeared to have dissipated, him looking down or around, but not at you, tapping his fingers on the table.

You remembered what he told you, how he never knew what to say to you. It wouldn’t bother you in other circumstances, but this was supposed to be a date, right? You should be trying to get to know each other. “So, you live alone.” you finally asked, trying to break the awkward silence. You were always terrible with small talk, but maybe it would help you to get somewhere, force some words out of the quiet anxious boy in front of you. Mark seemed relieved. “Never had a roommate?”

“I did… for some time, when I first moved here. But he was too noisy and I work mostly from home so… after a while, I found a place for myself.”

“And what do you work with?” you asked, bit afraid you might be sounding too formal. Mark didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m a designer… A game designer, actually” he said, seeming a bit insecure “Mostly I help with the graphics of independent developers. I do some programming too, all freelance.”

“Mark, that’s really cool” you assured him.

“Yeah? I guess… I’m quite good at it.” he smiled a bit more confident “Been trying to work on something completely mine lately. May need to hire someone to help me with the storyline though. Maybe I can show you someday?” he grins at you, looking shy all over again, rubbing the palm of his hands in his jeans under the table. It was cute, actually. Seeing him all nervous. “How about you?”

“Oh, nothing as interesting. All I do is look at numbers and negotiate prizes all day long.”

The food came along and in the first bites, you knew that Mark was right, telling him immediately how good it tasted. The conversation flowed better after that, Mark’s apparent insecurities dissipating bit by bit. And while Mark was telling you details of his life, you realized how little you actually knew about him. You felt bad, wondering if you two would have to get along sooner if you tried to get know how him better than the guy with pungent remarks. Which led you to another thought.

“Mark, can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“Would we be having this date if… If I haven’t kissed you that night?”

“So you do recognize this as a date?” he smirked, a tone of provocation in his voice.

“Mark!”

“I’ve been trying to find a way to ask you out for quite some time.” he let out a breath, shoulders tensing up and relaxing right after “Bambam has been nagging me for months...”

“He knew that you...”

“Had feelings for you? Oh yeah. We were drinking at his place one night and he came for my neck, telling me to leave you alone and stop annoying you. So I just blurted everything out” He blinked at you, trying to find some sort of assurance “Guess you are not the only one who can’t hold your liquor”.

“Sue told me that all our friends may have known too...”

“I think only Bambam knows. And Sue, for certain. She caught me staring at you more than once.”

“I feel so stupid,” you admitted, covering your face.

“Why? I’m the one who didn’t know how to act in from of the girl I liked. I’ve never been good at this, flirting and all that.”

“You’ve done quite well this week” your cheeks burned a little with the confession, your eyes meeting his again.

Mark smiled, grabbing one your hands over the table, you both staring at the gesture for a while.

“Can you forgive me for being a moron all this time? I promise I’ll only show you only the better sides of me from now on.”

“Don’t. I mean, I don’t want you to be anything other than yourself” you smiled at him, your thumb caressing his fingers. “And I’m still deciding on the forgiving part.”

“Should I keep sending the roses, then?”

“No,” you bit your lip, Mark frowning and the unexpected response. “Save them for special occasions.”

While Mark drove you home, you both decided to keep the date, the roses and pretty much everything that may happen between you two a secret, at least for now. You knew that neither Bambam or Sue would leave you in peace. You were still trying to figure out exactly how you felt about Mark and having your friends hassling you wouldn’t help at all.

Mark assured you he was more than fine with it, saying it was already a success having you to dinner with him, a lopsided smile on his face for the rest of the night.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked, parking not so close to your building. “I want to take you out again.”

“Text me the details”.You giggle at how upfront he was being, considering how shy he felt just a few hours back.

You managed to enter your bedroom and hide the rose between your books before Sue stormed in angrily looking at you.

“Where in hell were you and why didn’t you picked up your phone?”

“Sorry, we went to a happy hour after work.” you lied, hoping she would not notice you were hiding something from her “Did we had anything planned?”

“No, but we have tomorrow. Pack your swimsuit, we are going to the beach.”

“What?”

“Bambam called, he said he ranted a place and want us with him. We gonna get the train early so, be prepared.”

“Why did he called you and not me?” you asked, frowning at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought I was his friend too!” Sue sounded angry, both her hands on her hips. “He did try to call you before he called me. Anyway, don’t even think about making excuses. He’s paying, we’re going.”

After she left, you grabbed your phone inside your bag. There were a few lost calls from both Bambam and Sue, besides some texts from them, Bambam only asking you to call him as soon as possible, while Sue’s messages had aggressive undertones.

After calling Bambam, to confirm the whole trip to the beach thing, you texted Mark, letting him know that your plans for a second date this weekend would need to be postponed. You were almost falling asleep when you finally received a reply.

Mark Tuan: Guess I see you tomorrow, then :)

It was not the first time Bambam had shown off how much money he had to spend by offering a weekend outside town. So you were not surprised by the size of the beach house he had rented for you this weekend. You dropped your body on your bed, grateful that you all got separate rooms. Not that you had any time to take the nap you wanted to, Sue calling you to go to buy some food and drinks for the weekend.

You all spent most of the morning on the beach, playing ball and swimming, drinking a bit of beer, and having lunch at some nice restaurant close by. Except for Mark, who called Bambam saying he had some things to solve some work stuff in the morning. 

You and Bambam were about to watch a movie when Mark arrived in the middle of the afternoon, Sue being passed out in her own bed. Bambam showed him his bedroom and after changing, Mark joined you both in the living room. You tried to hide the fact that you were actually happy to see him there but wondered if he was felt the same since he hardly acknowledged your presence.

He did glance at you a few times during the movie, you noted, grabbing his phone and looking annoyed after Bambam laid his head on your lap, asking you to scratch it, moaning slightly at your touch. Your phone vibrated a minute later on your side, his name appearing on the scream.

Mark Tuan: Someone is enjoying himself way too much...

You: Jealous?

Mark Tuan: He’s doing it on purpose.

Mark Tuan: We could be cuddling if we were alone…

You looked at Mark sitting on the smaller sofa, his expression hard to read while he stared at the TV.   God, he’s stunning, you thought, feeling all bubbly inside. Were you already on your knees for this boy you believed hated you until a week ago?

You: That would be nice.

A shy smile appeared on his face when he saw the message,  making your heart flutter all over again.

You had to wake up Bambam from your lap when the movie was over, telling him it was better if he just slept in his own bed and stopped drooling in your leg. Mark asked you if you wanted to go for a walk when you were alone, and you didn’t hesitate to say yes.

“Sorry we couldn’t go for a second date”, you said, you both walking bare feet on the sand, the small waves bringing the chill water to you.

“I’m okay with this.” he held your hand, you both not looking at each other. “But we can still do something during the week, right?”

“Of course” you giggled.

It was nice being with him like that, your comfortable silence being cut only by the sound of the waves. Besides your dinner, you haven’t had a date, a proper one, in a long time, and could not remember when was the last time you had your eyes onto someone. It felt like the biggest cliche in the world, dating a friend of a friend, someone you didn’t really get along with. But still, it amazed you how, after just a few days, you felt so at ease at him. More than that, how you wanted to be by his side.

Besides, both Sue and Bambam seemed to be rooting for you two. You had this not so silly suspicion that they both had planned this trip together and invited only you and Mark to make you guys get together – if only they knew – Mark agreeing with you after you shared your little theory. So, if your closest friends, the pickiest people you ever met, though it was a good idea, why wouldn’t you let things flow?

“Maybe we should go back”, he said. You both were sat on the sand, your back resting on Mark’s chest, enjoying the sunset. A nice breeze cutting the heat of the day.

“Why?” you whined, throwing your head back. “It’s nice here.”

Mark chuckled, dropping a peck on your right cheek. “Our personal cupids will probably notice we’ve been gone.”

You sighed “You’re right. Maybe we could stop somewhere to buy ice cream. Use it as an excuse?”

“An excuse, right,” he tickled your waist before you could get up.

No excuse was necessary though since both Bambam and Sue still seemed to be sleeping, the house in complete silence when you got there. So you just decided to watch another movie, sitting side by side at the couch, a few pillows between you two just in case your friends appeared, eating one of the pots of ice cream you bought. You can’t help yourself, leaning to kiss him on the cheek more than once when he seemed distracted, loving how he could shift from self-confident to a completely shy boy in seconds.

“You are impossible”

“I’m not doing anything” you lifted your chin, staring at the screen, pleased with yourself.

Sue, as always, convinced you to go to this party she and Bambam somehow found out. You would much rather spend the evening at the pool of the place you were staying, eating and drinking just between yourselves. After all, what was the point of buying all that beer if you were not going to drink it?! But your hyped up friends had other plans, saying it would be nice to socialize. Sue made you wear one of her dresses, a red one that showed too much cleavage for your liking, arguing you needed to expose your goodies to make Mark jealous. It was beyond stupid but you couldn’t find an excuse to not wearing it.

You found a table at the place, Bambam soon appearing with shots of tequila for all of you. Mark didn’t drink though, looking as annoyed as you for being in a crowded place with bad music playing too loud. He did find ways to show you his attention was nowhere else, whispering in your ear, touching your back when nobody seemed to notice you two.

Sue gave you your third shot of tequila before dragging you to the dance floor, you already feeling too hot and too dizzy. You had to hold on her to have some balance before finally feeling able to dance all by yourself, Bambam coming to join you both right after, his crazy moves making you both laugh. You looked at your table, Mark still sitting there, his eyes fixed on you. You felt bad for leaving him there all alone, especially considering how much you wanted to feel his embrace again.

You told Sue you needed water and stumbled to the bar, hoping that Mark would follow and meet you there, the place being too packed for your friends notice you interacting. To be honest, and maybe was the tequila making its magic in your blood, but you didn’t care if anyone would see you together. You just wanted to be with him.

You felt a hand on your back and turned, your smile fading when you saw some random dude too close to you. You stepped back, taking his hand off of you, trying again to ask for a bottle of water at the bar when the guy tried again, pulling your hair so he could whisper in your ear, making you jump.

“Can you not?!” you screamed, giving a few steps backs, only to feel an arm wrapping around your waist, Mark’s voice telling the other guy to fuck off.

“Are you okay?”

“Mark, I didn’t do anything!” you twisted yourself to look at him, both hands touching his chest, grabbing his shirt. “Don’t hate me again, please, I like you too much.”

He grimed at you, holding your face.“Okay, I’m taking you home.”

You opened your eyes, taking a second to adjust your vision. Your room was still dark, a dim light coming from the outside. It took you another second to realize you were not alone, Mark’s left arm on your hip while your right hand was inside of his shirt, fingertips lightly touching his back. You started to freak out, trying to remember how did you get in this position. The last memory of the past night being Mark walking you off the party, and getting into a cab. How could you get so drunk with only a few shots?!

You tried to move quietly, not wanting to wake him, sliding your hand slowing from his back, when you heard a low groan.

“Please don’t” his voice hoarse. “It’s nice like that” You looked up to him, his lips twisted up. “Morning” His eyes were barely open, hair all messed up.

“Mark...Oh God!” your twisted your body, laying on your back. Feeling mortified. You pulled the blanket to cover your face, only your eyes showing.

“What? What’s wrong?” Mark lifted his head, unsure if he should touch you or not.

“Why… I mean… Did we…Please tell me we didn’t.”

Mark chuckled, getting closer to you, his finger moving away some of your hair. “We didn’t”

“Really? Oh thank God!” you closed your eyes relieved, uncovering your face, suddenly turning to him, imagining how wrong you may have sounded “I mean…”

“Don’t worry, I know what you mean,” he said, “I wouldn’t have sex with you drunk.”

“Then why…”

“You asked me to stay.”

“Did I?” you asked, turning your body to him, his hand going to your hair, fingers gently running through it.

“I tried to leave but every time I moved you would wake up again… I ended up falling asleep too.”

He smiled at you, that childish smile of his, and you felt happy, knowing that he wasn’t mad at you. Far from that, he was taking care of you, even though you felt that you didn’t deserve much.

“Do you want me to leave so you can sleep more? I think it’s still pretty early...”

“But what if I miss you?” you teased a bit “Mind hugging me again?”

“Come here” Mark lifted the blanket so you could get closer, putting your hand again inside his shirt, feeling the warmth of his body almost completely pressed against you when he wrapped his arms around you. You can’t go back to sleep tough every part of your body completely aware of how close you both are.

You stayed still as much as you could, except for your hand on his back, drawing imaginary circles, until you could hear him snore lightly. You lifted your head to look at him, his expression looking so relaxed and peaceful. You tried to wonder what it was like for him, holding himself to not be this gentle and loving towards you, how must it felt every time you decided to ignore him completely, not wanting to deal with his ironic side, not knowing the truth behind it all.

You had a bit of guilty on you but mostly, hope that you could make up for all this time, knowing now that him, you two, deserved better.

You couldn’t contain your self, your fingertips falling from his back and going to trace the line of his jaw, his chin, his lips… You lifted your body a little, just enough to give him a sleazy kiss, wanting to know now when you were sober what it would feel like.

“Now, that’s not fair,” he whispered holding your wrist. His eyes wide open when you lifted your face. “This is the second time you kissed me without any notice.”

You felt your cheeks burn, not being able to look into his eyes, still staring at his lips. “Guess I just can resist you.”

That was enough, Mark turning his body over yours, pinning your wrists on each side of your head.

“I think I deserve a proper kiss now,” He said, the tip of his nose touching yours. You felt the word stuck on your throat, hoping he would understand the parting of your lips as a yes. He smiled before lowering his head, his lips soft on yours, the kiss gentle. It made your entire body vibrate, want him. He let go of your wrist to touch your face, your arms hugging his neck, caressing the hair on the back of his head, the kiss getting stronger, faster. “You have no idea how long I wanted to that,” he said, resting his forehead on yours “Now I don’t want to stop.”

“Then why are you talking?”

He kissed you again, tongue flicking with yours, you heating up fast while his hand traveled from your face to the side of your body, squeezing your tights, your waist. “Can I touch you?” he asked, stopping by the bottom of your shirt.

“Please” you moaned, anticipating to feel his hand in every part of you. He gave you another kiss before getting rid on the blanket that was still somehow over you, he slid his body down, giving little kisses and small bites to your belly, your waist while lifting your shirt bit by bit, you shivering at every touch. He was taking his time, admiring the effect his touch had on you, making you even crazier. You arched your body up when he was close to your breasts, he getting the message and taking your shirt off, his mouth falling on your hard nipple, low moans falling from your mouth.

He came back to kiss your mouth, his hand sliding down to finally touch your sensitive spot, completely ignoring your underwear, thank God, your legs falling apart to feel him better. His mouth now concentrating on your neck, licking and sucking it lightly, while his digits worked wonders on your clit, your arousal building up too fast. You wanted him inside of you, quickly.

“Mark, please!” you whimpered, trying to pull his shirt off.

“No,” he said stopping you “I want to watch you go.”

He fingers started to move again against your hard bud, building you up until you couldn’t hold it anymore, your hips moving willingly along his hand, he kissing your mouth to muffle your howl when you finally hit the climax.

He holds you while you were still catching your breath, legs feeling shaky, the soft kiss he drops on your temple bringing you back to your senses. “You okay?” he asked with a lopsided smirk.

“More than fine” you could feel your entire body relax, starting to feel sleepy. You turned to him to give him another kiss, admiring the charming boy who was slowly turning your world upside down. “I take we are even now” you teased, hand cupping his face, your thumb stroking his lower lip.

“Oh, not even close” he pulled you to his embrace once again.

You sleep again, then woke up, kissed, your bodies tangled together enjoying each others warmth when your stomach started to grumble. You decided to go down first, giving Mark time to change his clothes and you to check if nobody had heard you before, not really worried, imagining that Sue and Bambam must have stayed drinking all night and would probably be passed until late hours of the day. You realized you were terribly wrong when after putting some juice to you, you heard Sue’s loud laugh and the sound of water splashing from the pool area.

“What the fuck!?” you screamed at the sight of Sue and Bambam kissing each other in the middle of the pool.

“Oh hey, baby. You’re up!” Sue smiled at you, her arms – and legs, you assumed – still around Bambam.

“Don’t ‘hey baby’ me. What are you guys doing?”

“I think hooking up is a good definition. What you think, Bam?” she scorned.

“Unbelievable!”

“What happened?” Mark appeared behind you, letting out a big “oh” when he saw the two on the pool. “To be honest I’m not surprised at all” he confessed.

“What?” you looked at him in total disbelief.

“You didn’t really notice them last night, did you?”

“But I noticed you two leaving together,” Bambam said a bit too loud “So spill it, are you two a thing already?”

With mouth open you looked at Mark, he looks at you in a way that made you feel it was up to you to tell them or not. You sighed, dropping your shoulders, thinking why not.

“Yeah, we… like each other.”

“Guess the weekend was a success, then” Sue smiled giving Bambam another kiss.

“I’m gonna kill you both when you get out of there!”

“Okay, let’s find something to eat” Mark hold your hand, dragging you inside.

You were sitting under the sunshade at the beach with Mark when Sue came to you, asking Mark a minute alone to talk.

“Are you really mad at me?” she pouted.

“I’m not. “you smiled truthfully. “I’m just… surprised I guess...You never talked about Bambam in that way. How did it happen?”

“Well, after you told me about kissing Mark, remember that I told you I always suspected he had a thing for you?” you nodded at her, already imagining where the story was going. “So I texted Bambam to see if he knew something and he told me about how Mark was pretty much on his knees for you. And I told him that I had this feeling you also liked Mark. So we kinda came with this idea to try to bring you two too together.”

“This trip...”

“Yeah…But I guess you two ended up bringing us together too. We spent so much time texting and calling each other, at some point we started to flirt and yesterday we just...”

“Okay, I get.” you interrupted, not wanting to know the details since Sue sometimes – most of the time – didn’t have a filter between her head and mouth.

“Bam was really worried about you getting mad at him” she looked at him a few meters to her side, Mark making him company “So, are you gonna tell me how it happened? You and Mark?”

“Actually...” you told everything to Sue, from the texts, the roses, the dinner. The little moments together the day before. How you felt really silly for start to falling for him so quickly.

“Can’t believe I couldn’t see that! You know, for what Bambam told me, Mark seems pretty serious about you. And he seems a quite decent guy... You sure you like him?”

“I am. Sue, he’s so nice, so sweet to me. I know it seems too sudden but I really do like him.”

“As long as you’re happy, baby, I’m happy too.” She hugged you by the shoulder giving you a kiss on the forehead. “Should we go to them?” she got you, extending her hand to you “I’m sure Bambam already made it clear that if he hurts you, we’re gonna kill him and make it look like a fucking accident.”

“You two are so dramatic, I don’t know how I couldn't see you two together before.”

“We’re just having fun.” she winked, a large smile on her face “And so should you.”

Sue almost jumped on Bambam when you both got close, dropping a kiss on his neck. After you told Bambam everything was fine between you two and with Mark, you holding his hand, intertwining your fingers with his, your friends left you, running to the water.

“Mark,” you stopped in from of him, he frowning at your concerned look. “I know I was drunk last night but I really mean what I said.” You looked at up him, trying to smile even though you were feeling a bit nervous. “I really like you. I really want us to...”

He didn’t let you finish though, holding your face and kissing you passionately, you were certain that you would never get tired of tasting him.

“I’m glad to know we’re on the same page” he let you go for a second, only to give you another quick kiss, both on your lips and neck. “Wanna go for a swim?”

“I was thinking maybe we could continue what we started this morning” you smirked, pulling him by his hand and giving small paces towards the house.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, aren’t you”, he whispered in your ear, hugging you from behind, shivers running down your spine.

You were addicted, and you were certain nothing could make you want to go back from this.

[fieldbears]

Washed-Up Stucky MNF/Fic Writer Provides Endgame Opinions

I’m going to try to tackle this linearly, at least to begin with:

I am very much Team Bored With MCU Hawkeye, but I want to give sincere props for the cold open, which I think accomplished several things simultaneously: recapped the consequences of the last film (since, hey, it’s been a fuckin while), set the tone, and began Clint’s narrative arc.

That said, jesus, I’m still irritated by the shoe-horned family to begin with. First they were invented for convenience and narrative stakes, and then their final, ultimate reason for existence was to be temporarily fridged. Take a moment to imagine a world where Clint was the circus runaway loner he was supposed to be, who only had his coworkers as found family, who either responded to The Snap by throwing himself harder into his teamwork work OR went rogue because his sense of justice and agency was so fucking destroyed by what happened. He didn’t need a blood family to have the arc he had. And he didn’t even need the arc he had. But this is a bitchfest about a choice made many years ago, not made in this final movie.

The first third of that movie was rough. The whole thing had the narrative flow of “A Series of Related Short Stories Played One After the Other”, but the first third seems to be Failing To Establish the New World and then Clumsily Establishing The Emerging Situation.

The establishing shots and scenes to show the audience what The Snap’s consequences were worldwide were... lacking. It’s dark? No more baseball? People are relying on natural light instead of interior lighting, but this is also happening at Avengers HQ, where they clearly still have power and internet access to work their tech, so... was it just an aesthetic choice? I feel like the film tried to spend time showing us what the consequences were for the average New Yorker, but instead we get a weird Canonly Gay Russo Character who gave a good performance that tells us about the human loss but not about the mechanics of this new world. We get the ‘no baseball’ shot and all we get afterward are ‘people miss the missing people’. But restaurants still exist? Businesses are functioning? (Wouldn’t New York run kind of smoother if it wasn’t overpopulated?) I feel like we were invited to start thinking about how this dystopia works, but were never given answers. (There are so many interpretations of how things could go wrong if certain people just disappeared, and their knowledge/access were suddenly unavailable, and none of it was explored, even briefly, outside of establishing shots.)

The Garden Planet - it’s discovery, the traveling to it, the fight there - lacked emotional grounding in a way I find hard to explain. The audience was excited for Brie Larson being a fucking boss, and the quick execution of the grab-him-and-cut-his-arm-off plan was satisfying, but the twist and subsequent letdown was just a weird beat after a slog to get there, after waiting on a deep letdown beat from the last movie.

Last thing about flow and emotional beats, because I want to move on to character analysis, and this is a huge one for me: Clint’s fight in Tokyo and Steve’s fight with himself were some of the biggest missed opportunities in the entire film.

Not counting the football field brawl at the end, which I don’t count as a real fight scene, these are the two major fight scenes of the entire film and as far as I can tell, there was no effort made to make these showpieces. They went to the trouble of bringing Clint to Bladerunner Central, and pit him against the last bastion of aesthetic-obsessed mafia in the world. The panning camera in the interior as Hawkeye fought goons brushed past lazy fight scenes that only showed who was winning, not the brutality that Clint was supposedly falling into, not the grit of this new awful world, just... shapeless dark bodies getting thrown through windows? And on top of that, they could have made up (or picked from canon) any Big Bad to pit him against outside in the street, and we get an Orientalist sword fight that could have fit in nicely on a CW superhero show, and some of the most unnecessary exposition dialogue I have ever heard. Someone bothered to weave Clint’s arc in earlier, with Rhodey explaining to Natasha that Clint’s gone International and also Worryingly Dark. Why the fuck do we have the ‘I’ll give you anything you want’ line, on the rotten cherry on top of ‘stop being mean to the yakuza, we didn’t start it’? You already covered his motivations with the cold open.

And while Steve’s fight ended in a FABULOUSLY HEARTBREAKING WAY, the fight itself was nothing - you can pick little character details out like how they both ditched their shields almost immediately, and it was funny that Then-Steve mistook Now-Steve for Loki in the first place, but it was still a completely lost opportunity to get one true superhero battle in this three-hour slog. Both Steves could have gotten up and carried out the rest of the narrative after a decent brawl, but instead they fall a great distance after some blocked shots and it... was nothing? Missed opportunity for some cool shit.

Okay, skipping to character assessments now:

Clint’s character has been mishandled from the beginning and this seemed to be the “better late than never” eleventh hour arc. Except the end of the arc is unclear - it made sense for him to fall apart after losing his Shoehorn Family, but how did Natasha’s choice to fall do anything but fridge someone else, with more agency this time? It makes Natasha noble, which she already was, and it made her win against Clint, which I appreciate, but Natasha didn’t need salvation through death and Clint learns nothing by getting them back, just experiences relief.

Bruce. I want to say, first, that I love Hulk in a Cardigan. Cardihulk can stay. I want fanart, I want t-shirts, give me all of it. But Bruce’s explanation of “I scienced it so I could get the best of both worlds” only gives us half of the acceptance that Banner’s character is already working towards. As we saw most explicitly in Ragnarok, the Hulk isn’t just a physical form, he has his own separate consciousness, originally defined by rage but revealed to be more complicated. Bruce merging into Cardihulk seems to have... erased Hulk’s separate consciousness without merging it into himself? If there had been some acknowledgement of a second voice still within him that shot out opinions or demands for certain menu items in the diner, this would have been a much cleaner end to his arc, which has been equally messy between actor and narrative shifts.

Speaking of Ragnarok... it’s time! Are you ready? Have you read articles about the Gambit Gambit too? Are you fucking depressed that a fat suit was used for comedy gags in the year of our lord 2019? Because I was. The Russos seemed to... not struggle with what progress Ragnarok had put onto Bruce and Thor’s characters, but reject it. This movie’s Thor was anxious for laughs, was desperate for easy answers to a a feeling of lost heroism, and it didn’t feel like a familiar character. The time-travel scene with his mother wrapped it up very elegantly, and was well performed, but that scene didn’t need to follow a series of “chunky drunk in sweatpants” jokes to show us that Thor was struggling. Everyone in the film is fucking holding on by their fingernails, but only one is played for cheap laughs.

At least we get the bisexual Asgard lady king we deserved.

Tony got the right death. He got a hero’s death and Pepper’s last lines of “you can rest now” were exactly the right lines to wrap up an arc characterized by fear and a desire to protect and control at any cost. I knew the MCU was never going to really acknowledge that Tony’s The Problem, even with lines like ‘you should have let me do the fascist robot thing, that was gonna work fine’ thrown around pretty much as soon as he touches down on earth again.

I’m not sure if there’s much to say about Natasha. It was fitting that she was running HQ, that she was struggling, that she was rejecting emotional help from Steve but clearly still close with him. Seeing her break down after hearing the report on Clint felt right after, I think, being told by several directors (or making the personal acting choice? idk) to just be as flat and as decolletagey as possible. And again, while I feel like she would be self-sacrificing on that cliffisde if given the opportunity, and that she would win, the narrative choice to place her there and have that be her end didn’t really give her anything she didn’t already have. She had nothing to prove.

I have a hard time really laying out my thoughts on Steve without launching into the pregnant absence of Bucky, but I’m going to try. Chris Evans did a good job being the emotional heart of a really fractured story with a lot of conflicting pieces. Seeing him lead a talk therapy session after The Snap seemed very out of character for him until one realizes that Sam isn’t there to lead it himself. His scene offering help to Natasha was another good scene between them proving that not every m/f relationship has to be sexual to be interesting or add to the plot. His leadership speech during the Stupid Fucking Slow-Mo Heroes’ Walk to the platform was well done and makes me think of what could have been for the MCU, if they’d ever just let them be a cohesive found-family team for twenty minutes and let them fight some doom-bots or something. Fuck. Imagine.

Something weirdly satisfying about the deceitful ‘hail hydra’ line in the elevator. Yes? Yes.

The hammer scene was satisfying to me without being too gratuitous, but I’ll acknowledge that some people weren’t into it. Having paid more attention to Steve’s arc than most, I’ll argue that he earned it several times over.

His ending - that is, the secret life he alludes to but doesn’t explicitly reveal to Sam - is earned too. I’ve read at least one thing saying that Steve’s arc was all about him learning to let go, but that’s... never what Steve does. Not at the end of any arc, of any comic story, does Steve let go. Not of his principles, not of the people he loves, he is always “Thinking... Thinking About Bucky!” and getting in fights he can’t necessarily win. So I don’t think his final ending is ever Learning to Let Go. I think it’s fair that it’s Just Once, Just This One Time, Getting What You Want And Getting To Enjoy It.

And now I’m backtracking to Bucky. I’ve read one article already that theorizes that Steve’s arc, which was highly prioritized, included literally as little direct interaction with Bucky as possible because... the MCU? the Russos? Marvel?...  is aware that Steve/Bucky is the most popular same-sex ship in the MCU. And that’s tiresome as fuck but I think there’s some truth to it. I wonder if, like in Civil War, we’ll hear later from the actors that a lot of contextual one-on-one scenes were shot and then mysteriously cut from the final edit.

I will say that in my head, Bucky is relaxed when Steve goes back in time for the final time, and lets Sam goes to talk with Steve one-on-one at the bench, because Bucky is not worried if Steve will come back, and does not feel a need to check on Steve on the bench. Because, like Peggy, Bucky has been getting secret visits too. Maybe as far back as during his time in Wakanda, but certainly since the final fight with Thanos. Bucky was calm because he already knew. He didn’t miss Steve because Steve hadn’t given him an opportunity to do so.

d

[marksloan]

cristalcarrington’s icon tutorial!

a little treat for day 28 of my filmuary challenge!

i’ve honestly lost count of which one this is, but welcome to another icon tutorial! here i’m going to breaking down my icon creation process step by step. i currently am a mac user and all my previous tutorials have been windows orientated (which unfortunately were all lost in the great url loss of 2017). my process hasn’t changed much since then, but i have picked up quite a few new go-to tricks and i’ll be sharing these tips in this post!

anyway! here’s what you’ll need-

photoshop (i currently use photoshop cc so be aware that options and tools may not translate onto other programs/versions of ps) and yes, i do pay for my photoshop but if you’re in need of a decent, safe download i might be able to point you in the right direction so hmu

patience (believe me some of these icons have taken me a painfully long time to create) just don’t feel discouraged if things don’t work out perfectly right away!

a creative mind. please be aware that this tutorial is only for educational purposes. under no circumstance directly replicate my icons! the one involved in this tutorial is clearly fair game, but please try to take creative liberty with your work. what i’ve found a lot of fun is incorporating bits and pieces of what other people do into my own work.

further resources

if you need more reference/help, here’s an icon psd for you to have a look around while reading the tutorial or instead of the tutorial. again, please do not re-upload or redistribute.

please consider reblogging this if you’ve found it useful. or checking out my resources!

starting off

so today, i’m going to tackle a screencap for my ongoing filmuary challenge!

i tend to get my screencaps from google, so for this i literally just googled “mirror mirror screencaps” and selected a image from google images. when i’m not feeling lazy, i tend to go through the whole movie (great screencaps can be found at screencapped or kissthemgoodbye)

my first move is to open the screencap in the photoshop on it’s default canvas. the one i’ve chosen is normally the sort of screencap i’d go for-- one that has a central focus on the character and allows me to get a solid outline.

i tend to avoid screencaps that cut off the top of the characters head. i also tend to gravitate towards scenes that look easy to colour; if you choose overly saturated screencaps or screencaps that are too dark/light, then you will find it difficult to colour while conscious of the screencap quality.

base colouring

i then duplicate the screencap.

and then i set that duplicated layer to screen.

i like to make my icons super bright so i repeat this. it will vary depending on how dark the scene is. i prefer to do this to the screencaps as i find that it preserves the quality of the cap.

alternatively, you can use a psd-- my favourite as mentioned in previous tutorial is @blairsfelicity‘s icon psd which you can find in her tutorial here. my new method is just a whole lot lazier and i’ve been really enjoying the way my icons have turned out.

outlines

now here comes the menial part-- time for the outline.

remember to add a layer (unless you want to break your own heart by doing it directly onto the cap and being forced to start over (which i would NOT recommend by the way, crying over a screencap is as demoralising as it sounds)).

 i vary between using the pen tool and a brush/eraser for my backgrounds. i like to shake it up depending on what i feel like doing or what the screencap would best fit. it also completely depends on whether i’m feeling particularly lazy or not-- if i have time to burn, i’ll use a brush. if i’m in a rush, i’ll use the polygonal lasso tool and refine my selection area with masks.

in this tutorial (due to my boredom of doing things over and over, this beautiful filmuary) i’m opting for the brush method. but if you want me to talk through polygonal lasso process which is a lot quicker and really streamlines the process-- then feel free to drop me a message and i’ll be happy to make another talk through.

i like to use a brush for my erasing, on 30-50% hardness. i like to use a diffused/low hardness so my icon doesn’t look too sharp and the background and model seem to go with each other more. i’ll go for a small brush size when it comes to detailing (for example, when it comes to profiles, hair etc).

once i’ve outlined the model, i select the area around her with the magic wand tool and fill in the selected area with either a brush or a fill layer. then i merge the outline layer with the new colour layer.

(these two examples are from another icon process bc im dumb and forgot to take screenshots)

there will be a full little line around the model once you’ve merged the layers. i just tend to fill it in manually with a brush.

now here comes the fun part-- the colouring.

make those colours pop!

as you can see, the screencap has a lot of colours, but we need to make them pop. i take one of the colours, make a new layer and just paint until it’s vibrant and bold. once you’re happy with your colour selection, set the layer to soft light and adjust accordingly.

i tend to go for softer brushes when it comes to facial features. the lips, to make them a darker colour, i opt to set the layer style to multiply instead of soft light, and paint over the lip shape with a light pink/red.

i always like to highlight the eyes to aid contrast in the screencap. i also like to fill all eyebrows in with a black (set on soft light) as well as the lashline, just to add further dimension and contrast to the model.

prepping the icon

this is what my screencap looks like with the colouring complete. as you can see, each colour is on a separate layer. this is so i can adjust/duplicate each colour accordingly. once i’m happy, i place everything into a group together.

i make all of my icons on a 100x100px canvas. 

i like to edit the screencaps on their original canvas as it helps with the quality of the screencap as well as allowing me to outline accurately.

i just drag the files from one tab into another.

and then you can size it appropriately. 

my next step is to select the same colour as the background and to paint over the white strip at the top of the icon. i do this directly onto my outline and then merge the two together. you now have the foundations of your icon to build onto!

final touches in the colouring department

there is honestly no direction that i could give you when it comes to these final colouring steps. 

i like my icons to be very bright, so i target the contrast with levels and brightness/contrast layers. I like to also turn up the vibrancy to make the colours pop even more. 

my preference is for the skin to be very neutral, so i try to combat the saturation of the skin with colour balance and selective colour layers (as well as another step i will explain later in the tutorial)

as you can see above, i place the final colouring all underneath the background layer as this makes it easier for me to place textures later on. 

if you have problems with the model’s skin appearing too saturated, i’d recommend taking a solid fill layer of a black/white/grey and setting it to colour. place that layer just above the screencap and adjust it so it combats any saturation you might be experiencing.

textures and finishing touches!

clipping masks are honestly a god send for me. you can find them by right-clicking on the layers and selecting clipping masks. as you can see above, i use clipping masks to place a green texture on top of the icon’s background. i then layer above that by using further clipping masks, adding other textures and even layers to adjust the colouring of the background.

my favourite place to find textures are livejournal and deviantart-- soaked on livejournal is my go-to at the moment and i really enjoy evey-v’s icon textures. i also have my own resouces/textures that you can find here!

once i’m happy with how the icon looks, i copy all of the layers together and paste them under the background.

this is a super lazy way of sharpening the icon-- an alternative method is explained really well by @jennifergarner (aka the god of icons) on her icon faq page. i have used this in the past but after filmuary i’ve found a few little tricks.

i then just sharpen the icon and adjust the opacity of the sharpened layer depending on my preferences.

and then there we go---

my chosen export settings are just to go for PNG every time. this helps preserve the quality of the icon and help it look super clean and tidy for whoever wants to use it.

and with that, that’s a wrap up of my tutorial.

for other tips and tricks, here are some of my asks that i’ve responded to;

do you have any tips for cutting short/curly/messy hair?

hey, would you mind sharing a psd icon?

what are some of your favorite icons textures?

can you break down how to use different types of textures?

[princelockedinatower]

Slow Jazz

**Fluff without plot**

like porn without plot but cute and PG and gay

Also I did 0 editing or revising cause yolo, hope you guys enjoy :)

Soft silk sheets. A mini spurge courtesy of my last trip to target. Everytime I go I swear to myself I’ll only get the thing I went there for, and everytime I come out with a leather bound journal, pack of erasers, pajamas or something christmas related among a cart full of little knick nacks and cool jizmabobs. 

I stretch out, flopping over onto my back as I do and listen to the songbirds outside the window, their nice singing threatening to lure me back to sleep. For a few moments I do, feeling at peace despite the growing need to get to up for the day.

“Morning Adrian,” my husbands gruff though gentle voice awakes me. Shifting to half sit up I see him standing at the door, red hair messy, wearing only sweatpants, a gold ring around his finger with two cups of coffee in his hands “Coffee?” he asks lifting up a cup.

I give a lazy smile and nod, sitting up against the headboard as he crosses the room and carefully gets on the bed. After handing me my cup he cuddles up to me with his head on my shoulder even though he’s the taller one. 

I sigh smiling, letting my eyes wonder over the room, there’s a picture of us on our wedding day, both in suits, in a cheap dollar store frame on the dresser, clothes spilling out of it as normal. Mismatched curtains on mismatching curtain rods pulled back to let the early morning sun in to rest on the rugs covering our small bedroom. Nothing’s too expensive, not even the china passed down to us that was bought at a gas station way back when but everything’s nice, warm and cozy.

“Adam?” I say, pausing to take a sip of my coffee “Do you like how we live?” 

Adam looks up at me and grins, a tooth missing “I wouldn’t change a thing,”

I smile, moving to press a kiss to his lips, the bitter taste of coffee on him. 

I pull away, getting off our bed and crossing over to our dresser “We should probably open the clinic soon,” I say digging through our shirts drawer looking for a specific one “What time is it actually?” I ask.

Adam suffles on the bed for his phone as I find the lime green scrub shirt I was looking for that brings out my darker green eyes “Eight twenty-six, we’ve got thirty-two minets,” he answers bolting up from our bed to join me in search of clothes. 

Adam’s still searching for pants when I start fussing over my long brown wavy hair in the bathroom mirror. I get it tamed as he asks “Where are my black and red scrubs?” 

I walk over to a basket of clean laundry and after digging for a millisecond I pull out the matching shirt and pants “You mean these?” I chuckle and grab my white doctors coat. He laughs, grabbing them from me and shoves them on. 

Together we dash down the flight of stairs to the backroom of our clinic we own and live above. Bustling out into the waiting area I see a few patients waiting and our receptionist, Clark talking on the phone. 

Upon seeing us he puts whoever was on the line on hold and hands me a clipboard “Dr. Devorack Room 1 is waiting for you,” he pauses reaching for another clipboard and giving it to Adam “Nurse Adam Room 3 is the Kylands, they’re here for their immunizations.” 

Clark goes back to the phone as Adam and I go off to do our duties. Before I slip into the first room I catch Adam’s eye and blow him a kiss, he smirks and rolls his eyes as I slip into the room. 

I smile gently at the small kid and mom who both look worse for wear. The kid looks about to be about six and the mom about mid thirties, both extremely tired and the kid has a few tears running down his cheeks, more coming whenever he swallows. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Devorack,” I say sitting in the swivel chair at the desk “What seems to be the problem?” 

The mom rubs her eyes and tells me her son’s throat really hurts to the point he hasn’t eaten yet today. I nod and ask the kid to hop up the table while I grab a tongue stick. 

Gently I feel his throat which is swollen and hot then ask him to say “aww” for me. Little white dots line his throat and I decide to take his temperature. It reads 38.1*C and I start typing in my computer “Your son has a case of Strep Throat, so I’m going to give you a precription to give to him for ten days,” I say printing off the required sheet “Make sure he takes all ten days or the infection might come back.” 

She nods thanking me, visibly relieved as I stand and get the door for them. A warm feeling spreads from my chest as I smile, something about helping people makes me feel this way. Grabbing the clipboard I head back to the waiting room with the mom and kid. 

Clark already has another clipboard for me when I reach his desk and I let myself fall into the familiar routine of helping patients all day long, only stopping for a quick lunch with Adam, Clark and our other nurse Natasha. 

Closing time rolls around at five, Clark and Natasha going home before I finish with my last patient of the day, Adam doing some paperwork while he waits for me.

I wasn’t going to take them honestly, they came in on the dot and Clark was already out the door with Natasha on his heels. I can’t blame them, it was friday night and they were both off tomorrow. 

What changed my mind was the dad’s dirty work clothes like he came directly from work, the younger daughters pained expression and the older kid’s school workbook as she was writing in it while walking. She even bumped into the reception desk she was so focused. 

So I took them into an exam room and introducing myself the daughters homework caught my eye as she sat down to work on it “What class is that for?” 

“Health Sciences,” she answers without looking up “It’s a basic intro to the medical field, right now we’re working on identifying basic long term illnesses and before that common bacterial and viral infections.” 

I nod finding it pretty cool they offered classes like that in highschool “Want a little hands on experience?” I ask disregarding the fact it would make this a lot longer.

She looks up at that and stares a little “Uh, yah that’d be awesome,” she says standing up and I motion for her to take the lead with her little sister up on the table. 

She lets a nervous laugh out before asking what the problem is to her little sister. She complains about her ear hurting and tugs at it. The older sister nods and asks her if she’s had any headaches, trouble hearing or balancing and a few other symptoms. 

After her little sister answers she turns to me and asks if I can take her temperature and look in her ear. I agree with a grin, knowing she’s doing a pretty good job for a teen with zero medical training. 

“Her temperature’s thirty-eight point six and the inside of her ear is red and inflamed,” I tell her, tossing the little earpiece in the trash “Diagnosis and recommended treatment?” I ask sitting at the desk. 

She smiles shyly “Ear infection, probably AOM so I’d write a prescription but wait a day or two to see if it gets better on it’s own,” 

I nod my head “I concur with your diagnosis and treatment,” I say writing out a prescription then getting the door “Keep studying kid you’re headed places,” I say as she walks by. 

She beams and practically skips out the door before I lock it for the night. 

I head up stairs into the living room, the smell of salmon hitting me as I walk past the grey couch with it’s peculiar pillows and tables with scattered candles and pictures on them to the kitchen. 

Adam stands at the white counter mixing a salad, his back to me as I walk up and snake my arms around him. He chuckles but continues mixing as I rest my head on his shoulder, given I have to go up on my toes to do that. I hum into his ear “They’re doing a Midsummer’s Dream tomorrow at the live theatre,”

“Oh?” he says moving the bowl away before turning to face me, letting his hands trail up my sides then back down to my back “That sounds nice.” 

I press against him letting my head rest on his chest, the scent of his cologne making me sigh “We should make it a date, and get dressed up for it,” I say nuzzling further into him “Maybe even go out for dinner,”

“Let’s do that,” he says lightly pushing me so he can look at me “Spaghetti Factory for dinner?” he asks, the timer for the fish going off.

I nod and cross the kitchen to grab plates and cutlery, Adam pulling the fish out of the oven. He plates our meals meticulously for fifteen minets as I watch him, my stomach nagging at me to just grab the plate and eat. I push the thought out of my mind because I know Adam loves doing this, as evident by his grin. 

We end up eating in the kitchen, me up on a counter and Adam cross legged on the floor, talking about how Romeo and Juliet could have turned out if Romeo had been in love with Tibalt. The conversation eventually lead to us making dick jokes and our sides hurt from laughing too much we couldn’t breathe. 

Coming down from our fit of laughter we catch each other's eyes and smile.

“Follow me,” Adam says softly getting to his feet and slipping his hands in mine. I do as he asks, getting down and letting him lead me into the living room bathed in a dusty orange light from the setting sun. He lets my hands go in the middle of the empty floor and walks over to the old record player we have. 

Choosing a disc he places the needle on it and a slow jazz song plays as he wraps his arms around my waist and I reach mine up to wrap around his neck. We sway to the music for what feels like hours and I can’t help but believe I’m the happiest man alive.