#I’ve accepted at this point that I’m cringe and I’m ok w that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightcoremoon · 4 years

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it's evident people haven't watched enough kids media to adequately understand just what constitutes a kids show as opposed to a show that kids can watch and be entertained by

when I was a kid I watched king of the hill and blues clues (among other things). king of the hill is NOT a kids show by any stretch of the imagination; it is an adult animation, replete with fairly heavy subject matter, sexual themes, political humor, cultural references that kids won't understand, discussion of religion in the modern day, depression and suicidal thoughts, adultery, puberty and sexual awakenings, body image, propane, propane accessories, and ultimately above all else what it means to be family. and blues clues is a show about a man who plays with a shovel & pail, talks to his condiments and mailbox, and sometimes he teleports into the felt dimension, all while playing Sherlock Holmes hercule poirot with his dog, and teaching kids how to count and draw and recognize colors and learn their ABCs. do you see the fucking difference? no? then I'll make it more clear.

dora the explorer & go diego go, mickey mouse clubhouse, handy manny, octonauts, bob the builder, super why, wild kratts, zoboomafoo, jojo's circus, wow wow wubbzy, stanley, doc mcstuffins, max & ruby, wonder pets, bubble guppies, ni hao khai lan, backyardigans, little einsteins, caillou (ugh) and p*w p*trol (double ugh), these are all undeniably kids shows. their audience is children (and the occasional adult by age with severe intellectual disabilities) and maybe the parents whose brains are too fried to care what's on the tv. these shows main purpose is to educate while entertaining on subjects one would encounter in preschool and kindergarten. counting 1-10, ABCs, basic color, basic language, basic intrapersonal skills, basic emotional literacy, problem solving, using your imagination, what sounds do animals make, breaking the fourth wall to ask the audience to answer what's 2+2 or tell them a lesson they learned today like I LEARNED TO NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER or some simple message like that. it's always light, there's no edgelord grimdark "what if they were dead the whole time" bullshit. it's just good clean simple wholesome [except for paw patrol] programs for kids to be distracted for a little bit of time, while also letting them walk away having said they learned something. at least half of the time dedicated to every single one of these shows is devoted to the same shit over and over again. I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map I'm the map WE FUCKING GET IT YOURE THE MAP! backpack backpack I'm the backpack loaded up with things and knickknacks too, anything that you might need I've got inside for you. we did it we did it we did it HOORAY! come on vamanos everybody let's go, come on let's get to it, I know that we can do it,

WHERE ARE WE GOING

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

THESE SONGS ARE BURNED INTO MY BRAIN AND THEYLL BE STUCK IN MY HEAD UNTIL I DIE

say click take a pic, the hot dog dance, CAN HE FIX IT???, pizza! spaghetti!, THE DOC IS IN AND SHELL FIX YOU UP, max & ruby ruby & max max & ruby ruby & max MAX & RUBY RUBY & MAX MAX & RUBY RUBY & MAX, wonder pets wonder pets we're on our way to help the friend and save the day, we're not too big and we're not too tough but when we work together we've got the right stuff, goooOOO WONDER PETS YAAAAY~, yoooour backyard friends the backyardigans (weve got the whole wide world in our yard to explore, thATS WHY EVERY DAY WEEEEERE BACK FOR MOOOORE), were going on a trip in our little rocket ship SOARING THROOOOOUGH THE SKY!!! little einsteins!

I swear to god I've been forced to watch so much children's television in my life it's no wonder there's no room left for serotonin executive function or the ability to speak to morons

point is I know my way around kids shows. my sisters were born in 98, 02, 05, 06, 10, and 18, I think, I don't even know because they're all a blur, I'm literally closer in age to my parents than to my youngest sibling, I never stopped being exposed to kids shows. I know what is and is not a kids show.

adventure time? not a kids show even though kids watch it. it's a "for everyone" show. it's got a target audience of 100% of the planet. steven universe? not a kids show even though kids watch it. miraculous ladybug? not a kids show even though kids watch it. scooby doo? not a kids show even though kids watch it. I'm not discussing the history of adult acceptance of animation, adult animation, or anime, so don't ask. dexter's laboratory. the grim adventures of billy & mandy. codename kids next door. teen titans. fairly oddparents. kim possible. invader zim. AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER. totally spies. courage the cowardly dog. the proud family. SPONGEBOB F*ING SQUAREPANTS. powerpuff girls. foster's home for imaginary friends. oh yeah you know what's coming next. my little goddamn pony friendship is mother fucking magic is not. a. kids. show. even though kids can watch it. it is a cartoon. it is an everyone show. that's why it's disingenuous and fucking stupid to decry any fan over the age of 7 as a pedophile and a weirdo creep; it participates in the infantilization of femininity. why is it ok for 20somethings to keep watching aang and squidward and finn & jake and zim and "return the slab" and everyone's totally fine wth that but when it's twilight sparkle suddenly everyone's like whoa you're a huge fucking loser for watching this girly wussy baby show for girly wussy babies. oh some bronies are sex crazed perverts? I'm sorry have you seen just how much porn there is for spongebob? oh some bronies are cringe? I'm sorry have you met half the steven universe fandom? oh some bronies are fascist rick sanchez kinnies with fedoras and katanas? BREAKING BAD FANS, HELLO!?!?!?

this is such a stupid tiring boring argument. maybe magic talking horses being friends and turning their friendship into magic rainbow nuclear fucking arms and blasting the evil out of a demon and turning her into the coolest fucking half-unicorn biker lesbian in the world is something that brings me, and adult, pure wholesome joy, in between bojack horseman and dark souls and breaking bad and deftones and fallout new vegas and jojo and cannibal corpse and other bleak depressing edgy shit that also brings me comfort. and MAYBE me at 16 starting to watch MLP:FIM becoming finally comfortable with the outward public expression of "traditionally feminine" interests is the main reason why I realized I was a girl when I did, and MAYBE I just like how pretty the colorful ponies look, AND MAYBE I KIN WITH ONE OR TWO OR EIGHT CHARACTERS, WHAT OF IT?

AND MAYBE ITS LITERALLY THE BEST LONG RUNNING FANTASY TV SERIES ON THE MARKET RIGHT NOW* SINCE GAME OF THRONES FUCKING SUCKS

but whatever, kids watch it sometimes so it's illegal for anyone who's not a kid to enjoy it, but only if it's something girly because liking girly things is bad because girliness is inherently bad, and the only things that are good have predominantly male casts*. right? right??? wrong, fucker. g4mlp has so much more in common with adventure time & atla than with blues clues or dora the fucking explora...r.

but keep in mind I'm saying this while hugging a blues clues plushie my grandma gave me for valentine's day because it reminds her of when I was a baby because I may not watch blues clues but it still means a lot to me for nostalgia and is 50% of the reason why I love ray charles. kids media isn't necessarily bad. I still do enjoy watching it with my little sisters. all this is is me being anal about categorization because I'm autistic and I LIVE for categorizing everything.

*besides atla obviously

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luna-eclipse2000 · 3 years

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Shingeki no Danganronpa

Chapter 1, part 1

So I started this story last year when the Danganronpa craze happened but I still wanna post it because I think it’s a pretty alright take on the game. I put a hashtag of the name of this series so the parts are easy to find. (ie. Shingeki no Danganronpa Chapter 1)

——————————————————————————

Hope’s Peak High. A school so large that it towers over all the other buildings in this bustling urban area. Some people say that the school is like it’s at the centre of the world, which I agree to. Except, it is at the centre of the entire world. Everyone knows about this school and how prestigious it is. Anybody who’s anybody dreams of getting that fateful acceptance letter from administration. They say that if you come here and manage to graduate, you’ll be set for life. I’m not the most interesting person in the world, so it was a complete shock when I got a letter saying that they want me to attend. The only award I’ve ever won was a runner’s up ribbon in a fishing tourney. My letter told me that I’m the ‘Ultimate Lucky Student’, which sounds like complete horse shit in my opinion.

I get good grades, sure, but nothing as skyrocketing as some of the people who get in for a purpose. I still accepted the opportunity because I’m not an idiot. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and there’s no way that I’ll give it up because I feel like I don’t belong there... which I definitely feel like. I would’ve just assumed that they got the wrong person but they don’t send acceptance letters to the wrong house, it hasn’t happened in the fifty years the school’s been running for, and I’m pretty sure that the name (f/n) (l/n) isn’t common in this area. So here I now stand, in front of the massive school. It’s even more impressive and intimidating in person. Before I arrived, I did a small Google search on who was going to be in my class and it ranges from more mundane things like the Ultimate Cleaner to the Ultimate Strategist. But, despite my uncertainty of my presence, I put on a brave face and walk through the entrance gates... only to start feeling dizzy and nauseous, like I’m in one of those crazy amusement park rides where you spin in a circle very quickly and the floor drops. No sooner do I start feeling this way, do I black out.

~~~~~

“The hell just happened?” I ask myself as I open my eyes and take a look at my surroundings. I seem to be in a classroom because of all the desks and the blackboard up front, but there’s no windows. Just big metal plates with even bigger bolts and screws holding them in place. “Huh. Weird. Maybe that just shows some new part of the school they’re building and they don’t want any one to see it until it’s finished?” I wonder as I stand up from the desk. I look around but don’t see any bags, even mine is gone. When I turned back to my desk, I notice a slightly folded piece of paper on it, so I pick it up out of curiosity.

Hey there, new kid! The next semester is about to start. Starting today, this school will be your entire world.

“Knew it was the centre of the world.” I think to myself and then place the card down. It didn’t look very professional as it was written in black and red pencil crayon, but it’s a high school so I doubt there are any kids. And if there were, I would have to report them to cops for child labour. I look up at the clock and see that’s it’s eight. “How long was I out for? An hour probably, maybe less. Wait, doesn’t this school start at eight? Where’s all the students? And the teachers? Maybe I read the time wrong on the letter.”

I then go out of the classroom and notice the weird magenta and purple look of the halls and cringe at the contrast. “Ok, what the hell is with this hallway? And, again, where are all the people? I know that eight am isn’t very early, at least not so early that it’s a ghost town. Oh, shit, maybe there’s an assembly!”

I begin to race down the hall and pass by a red door that feels too eerily out of place but I shake the feeling off and head towards the main hall. Once I arrive, I see that everyone else is already there. “Hey, look! Someone else is here!” Someone says. “So that makes fifteen of us.” Someone else points out. “So, you’re all new as well?” I ask them. “No, we’re here for shits and giggles.” A boy with black hair and sharp steel grey eyes rudely answers. I laugh awkwardly. “Who shoved a stick up your ass?”

He clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Anyways, I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself. “Sorry I’m late. When I entered the school I just blacked out or some shit. It was really weird.”

“You too?” A short blonde girl asks. “That’s what happened to the rest of us! At first, I thought it was just nerves. But then everyone started to realize that we all blacked out.”

“Yes. This is rather a strange situation.” A boy with blond hair that’s tied back a bit and glasses says. “I’ve never heard of fifteen people blacking out at different times at the same place on the same day.”

“We were drugged!” Someone speaks up. Everyone goes quiet as we turn our attention to the person who spoke. She’s rather tall and has brown hair, and wears glasses. “Oh, come on! I was just joking to lighten the mood! And ease the tension that’s growing because it’s making me a biiiit uncomfortable.”

“So then how about we just introduce ourselves then?” A black haired boy with freckles suggests. “That way we can ease the tension without freaking everyone out.”

I immediately feel calmer after he speaks. He’s got some kind of... energy or something around him. The first person I go up to is the short blonde girl with blue eyes. “Oh, hello! I’m Krista Lenz.”

Krista Lenz. She’s the Ultimate Volunteer. She volunteers all of her free time to shelters, reading to kids, helping the city, going in to retirement/nursing homes, helping out in hospitals and keeping veterans company. She’s even gone abroad to help build homes. She’s known online as Angel, and I can totally see why. Not just because of her noble acts, but because she looks so pure and innocent. Like a little angel. “Well, it’s actually Historia Reiss but that’s hard for kids and seniors to pronounce and spell so I just came up with the fake name.” Krista explains. “No way, seriously?” I ask her. “Doesn’t it bother you that you’re popular with a name that isn’t technically yours?”

She giggles cutely. “Singers do it all the time, don’t they? Katy Perry’s last name is actually Hudson but she didn’t want to get confused for the actress, Kate Hudson.”

“Oh, right, yeah.” I say awkwardly and then move onto the next person.

I decide to go up to the the boy who suggested introductions. “Hi! I’m Marco Bodt. It’s nice to meet you!”

Ah, yes. Marco Bodt, the Ultimate Peacekeeper. He tries to help different countries bring peace to them so no more wars break out. He’s also proposed that they follow England in having a special force of officers who carry guns while the majority only carry nightsticks. He’s also won a Nobel peace prize. “So, what are you here for?” Marco asks me. “Oh, nothing special. I’m not that important.” I say. “Nonsense! You were accepted, right?” Marco says. “I got chosen by chance to be the lucky student.” I tell him. “See?” Marco says. “Out of everyone in the world that they put into chance, you got chosen! Not Diana across town. And the letter even said you were the Ultimate Lucky Student as a result, that accounts for something, right?”

I smile thankfully and go to say something else but hear shouting instead. “What the fuck did you call me, you suicidal bastard?!”

“I called you a horse face, horse face!” The other person responds just as angrily. “Oh, geez.” Marco says. “Sorry, I’m gonna go break them up so there isn’t a murder or anything.”

Marco then heads off to go calm the two boys down. I roll my eyes. “Teenage boys. Why are they like this?”

I head off to another boy, but he doesn’t have any hair. Or at least very little, short, stubby hairs. “Hi, I’m Connie Springer!”

Connie Springer is the Ultimate Prankster. He’s pulled pranks on a various number of people, none of which were very tame. He’s pranked politicians and celebrities. He’s helped talk show hosts prank their audiences and even pranked a military general. I honestly don’t know how he got away with his life for that one, especially since I heard how strict and unforgiving the general is. “It’s nice to meet you, Connie.” I say. “How’d you even escape General Shadis after putting Veet in his shampoo and then switching his toothpaste for actual sewerage?”

“Not easily, I’ll tell you that.” Connie responds with a laugh.

I then move onto the next person. A girl with black hair and grey eyes standing beside a boy with brown hair and beautiful turquoise eyes that I’m honestly jealous of. “Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger and this is Mikasa Ackerman.”

Eren Jaeger. The Ultimate Freedom Fighter. He leads various protests to allow people more rights and be more free, and he also runs different projects that aid in getting people free from their situation. Mikasa Ackerman is his adopted sister and is basically known as his knight in shining armour because of her saving Eren from all the aggressive people he’s encountered. She’s the Ultimate Protector. She protects students at school from bullies, and protects her brother, Eren, from everything. She’s been known to intimated police and SWAT teams, who are already trying to get her to join their force. Marco’s even been seen with them from time to time when he knows it could get very ugly. “What you’ve been doing is quite admirable, Eren.” I compliment him. “It’s great of you to stand up for complete strangers.”

He bashfully puts a hand on the back of his neck with a light blush and smile. “Thanks. Everyone deserves to have freedom so I just stand up for those who’s voices are drowned out by every day noise.”

I turn to Mikasa. “And you’re pretty brave to tell SWAT officers off.”

She just shrugs. “I don’t see it as brave.”

I nod and then go to the next person. Well, group. A tall boy with dark brown hair who seems to be sweating a lot, a blond boy who’s pretty buff, and a short blond girl who gives off as much warmth as an iceberg in a blizzard. “Hi. I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself to them. They all look at me and I see the blond smirk. “Nah, cute is what you are.” He says to me. I can feel my cheeks start to burn at his pick-up line. “Oh, well, uh, thank you.”

“I’m Reiner Braun. This guy here’s Bertolt Hoover, and this is Annie Leonhart.”

Reiner Braun’s the Ultimate Blacksmith. He looks much more like a sports guy but when you see what he makes, you know that his talents lie with making armour and weapons. He makes them professionally for people who want a real replica of what medieval knights had, cosplayers, and medieval dinner shows. He’s won more than fifty competitions for blacksmithing. Bertolt Hoover is the Ultimate Deceit. He’s gotten away with a bunch of different crimes because of his shy and timid nature that makes him fade more into the background. Annie Leonhart is the Ultimate Fighter. Her father put her into boxing when she was a kid and beat the instructor on her first day so she started to train professionally. “So, what do you think about us being a thing when school really gets started, huh?” Reiner flirts. “Reiner, shut up.” Annie orders her friend. “Thanks for the offer.” I say. “It’s really tempting, but I have to decline.”

I quickly leave the trio to go introduce myself to a girl with auburn hair tied up into a ponytail. “Hi! I’m Sasha Braus!”

Sasha Braus runs a successful food critic website and tries food from all over the world including octopus, fried spiders and escamol. She’s friends with a bunch of different famous chefs like Gordon Ramsey and Rachel Ray. She’s also judged on a number of cooking shows and won every eating contest she’s competed in which is why she’s the Ultimate Foodie. “So, uh, when do you think we’ll get to eat?” Sasha asks me. I think for a second. “Not sure. We’ll probably have the orientation meeting and then be given a tour of the school, which will take a while, so probably not until at least eleven.”

She pouts. That’s when I notice a smell. “What the hell is that?”

“Oh, it’s a potato.” Sasha says and pulls out a whole baked potato from her jacket pocket. “Where the hell did you find a potato?!” I ask her. “Well when I woke up, I was really hungry. But my bag wasn’t with me that carried all my snacks. So before I came to the main hall, I decided to go find the dining hall. The potato was just kind of... there. Like it was waiting for me to eat it.” Sasha says and then breaks off a piece. “You want half?”

I look at the piece and see that it’s more like a quarter but I’m not hungry anyway so I politely decline. “More for me then!”

I laugh at her and then turn and see the black haired male with the stick up his ass. “Let’s get this over with.” I think to myself as I make my way over. “Hi.” I greet him. His cold eyes land on me and I instantly feel like I committed a felony or something. “Levi Ackerman.”

Levi Ackerman, distant cousin of Mikasa Ackerman, according to tabloids, who’s the Ultimate Cleaner. Apparently he grew up in the shittiest part of the city where the rats are almost the size of feet, which is where his obsession for cleanliness came from. He cleans up any vandalism from the streets and enforces no littering. He’s run mass city, beach and ocean clean ups. I decide that it’s best to leave him alone so I turn to the brown haired girl beside him who’s wearing glasses. “Hiii! I’m Hanji Zoë! The Ultimate Scientist! Also I’m non-binary, just so you know.”

Hanji Zoë definitely lives up to the title. They found a new element when they were ten and they had to do their science work from home so a university chemist and biologist could come tutor them. They even created a new cell that can protect the body from diseases like TB, certain cancers, and certain joint problems. She also won a Nobel prize. “It’s nice to meet you.” I say. “Great job on getting that Nobel prize for your cell creation!”

“Thank you, but it was nothing.” Hanji brushes my compliment off. “I don’t need an award to tell me that I helped millions of people for me to know it. Sorry, did that sound cocky?”

“No, no! It’s ok! I understand what you mean.” I tell them and then go off to the blond boy with glasses. “Hi. I’m Armin Arlert.”

Armin Arlert. The Ultimate Strategist who came up with his first strategy to get out of the orphanage he was placed in and go completely unnoticed when he was eight. After that, he started working with the military and with him on their side, there are much fewer casualties for them... but not for the other side. “So, your strategies are pretty damn good.” I say. “How on earth do you come up with them?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It just kind of happens.” Armin says awkwardly. “You get nervous about speaking about your brain, don’t you?” I ask him. He chuckles with a small blush. “Was I that obvious?”

“It’s ok. I get it. You help the military to make sure that they don’t lose as many soldiers as the other side.” I say. He nods shyly, so I move onto the next person. She has brown hair tied back into a flat ponytail. “Hi. I’m (f/n).” I introduce myself. “Ymir.” She introduces herself.

With the lack of a last name, and not hearing about her at all online, I just nod my head awkwardly and go introduce myself to the final person. He’s talking to Marco and has interesting hair. It’s ash blond with a brown undercut. “Hi, I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself. The boy turns around and I get bit startled by his amber eyes. Eren has pretty eyes, but this guy is a full on pretty boy. He gives me a grin and I can tell he knows it, too. “Hey, Jean Kirschtein.”

Jean Kirschtein is the Ultimate Equestrian. He’s been riding horses ever since he could walk because he grew up on a farm. He entered his first equestrian competition when he was seven and has won first every year. He helps take care of horses from his own to others and even helps beginners with picking out which horse they should ride first. He even runs riding lessons at the farms for said beginners. “So, I heard that you’re the Ultimate Lucky Student, eh?” Jean asks. “Could I have some of that luck to take you horse riding?”

“Keep it PG at school, horse face!” We hear Eren mock. “I don’t have a horse face!” Jean shouts at him. “And I wasn’t implying anything!”

He’s obviously a bit embarrassed and flustered. “Alright, alright. Calm down. He’s just doing it to rile you up.” Marco says to Jean. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you look like a horse.” I tell him.

Just as I finish saying that, a bell goes off. “Ahem! Ahem! Testing, testing! Mic check, one, two! This is a test of the school’s broadcast system! Am I on? Can everyone hear me? Ok, well then...!” A voice speaks through the PA system. “Ahh, to all incoming students! I would like to begin the entrance ceremony at... right now! Please make your way to the gymnasium at your earliest convenience... That’s all. I’ll be waiting!”

“Is that voice not sitting well with anyone else or is my stomach feeling squirmy because of the potato I stole?” Sasha asks us. “No. It definitely feels odd.” Marco agrees with her. “We don’t have time for this, brats. Let’s just get on with this so I can clean. This place is absolutely filthy.” Levi says monotonously with a hint of disgust as he walks away from the group and towards the gym. I look at Jean and Marco and the three of us follow him, followed by everyone else. We all make it to the gym in a few short minutes. I see Hanji go towards the trophy case and look straight at this gold and purple katana. “Oo, pretty!” They exclaim and then touch the handle but immediately retract their hand. “Damn, that thing is absolutely coated in gold dust! My hand looks like El Dorado!”

“Um... anyone else find it weird that the hall’s are completely empty?” Krista asks as we enter the gym itself. “I haven’t even heard any other classes going in the classrooms.”

“Yeah, man. I’m getting weirded out, now.” Connie agrees with her. “And did anyone else notice that there were machine guns in front of the entrance which looked like a vault door?” Eren asks. “It’s probably nothing, Eren.” Mikasa says. “Why would they have machine guns in a school?”

He nods but I see him shift uncomfortably. “Hey there, howdy, hello!” The voice from earlier greets. “Is everyone here? Good! Then let’s get things rolling!”

We all look towards the stage which has a podium in the centre and the school crest above it, which are two wings; one white and one blue. As we await our headmaster to walk on stage, a black and white teddy bear pops up and lands on the podium. I hear Connie snort back a laugh. “A teddy bear?” Krista asks in confusion. “I’m not a teddy bear!” The bear says lowly. “I... am... Monokuma! And I am this school’s headmaster!”

I try to wrap my head around what’s happening. A teddy bear- er, uh, Monokuma is our headmaster who’s mouth doesn’t even move when he’s talking. I look around at all my classmates, particularly Connie, to see if this is a joke of his, but everyone looks just as confused as I am. Except Annie but she’s devoid of all of emotion. Hell, even Levi has an eyebrow quirked at the oddness. “Nice to meet you all!”

“Ok, Connie.” Reiner says. “This was hilarious, best prank you’ve ever pulled! But can you turn off the teddy bear now?”

“I’m not doing this, I swear! You guys can search me for a remote or whatever.” Connie responds. “I don’t think he has the intelligence needed to build that. No offence, Connie.” Armin says. I see Connie look slightly offended at the words. “I told you already, I’m not a teddy bear... I’m Monokuma! And I’m your headmaster!” Monokuma shouts angrily as he moves his arms up to display further emotion. “AH! It moved!” Sasha screeches. “No shit, Sherlock.” Levi mumbles. “Oh, calm down, everyone! It’s obviously just a remote controlled toy!” Hanji says. “How dare you compare me to a child’s plaything!” Monokuma says. “You’ve cut me deep. Deeper than the Mariana Trench... My remote control system is so complex, even the folks in the Military Police can’t recreate or even comprehend it! Then again, that place is full of nitwits! Now then, moving on! We really must hurry and get started... Everyone, stand at attention and bow! And... good morning!”

Marco does as he’s told. “Good morning, sir!”

“Marco, stand up.” Jean whispers and pulls the boy up from his bow. “Don’t fall for this shit.”

“Now then, let us commence with a most noteworthy and memorable entrance ceremony!” Monokuma says. “First, let’s talk a bit about what your school life here will be like. Now, ah, make no mistake- you few students, so full of potential, represent the hope of the world. And to protect such splendid hope... you will all live a communal life together solely within the confines of this school. Everyone will live in harmony together, and adhere to the school’s rules and regulations. Ah, now then... regarding the end date of this communal life... there isn’t one! In other words, you’ll all be here until the day you die! Such is the school life you’ve been assigned.”

“Until we die? What kind of fucked up bullshit is this?” Levi asks. “Oh, but fear not!” Monokuma assures us. “We have quite an abundant budget, so you won’t lack for all the common conveniences.”

“That’s still not very comforting.” I tell him. “You gotta be screwing with us!” Connie says. “I am not screwing with you!” Monokuma shouts angrily. “I am no liar, of that you can be 100% sure. Ah, and just for your information... you’re completely cut off from the outside world. So you don’t have to worry about that dirty, dirty land beyond these walls ever again!”

I feel my pockets for my phone. “They took our phones!” I announce. Everyone then starts to check themselves for theirs, too. “So, then... all those metal plates all over the school... they’re there to keep us trapped in here?” Reiner asks him. “That’s exactly what they’re there for.” Monokuma confirms. “No matter how much you may yell and scream for help... help will not come. So with all that in mind, feel free to live out your life here with reckless abandon!”

“Come on, what the hell is this? It’s not funny!” Eren asks. “You all keep saying this is a lie, or a joke.” Monokuma says. “A bunch of skeptics, all of you. But I guess you can’t help it, huh? You all grew up in an age where you’re taught to doubt your neighbour... Well, you’ll have plenty of time to find out whether or not what I say is true. And when that time comes, you’ll see with your own eyes that I speak the undeniable truth.” Monokuma answers Eren.

“I don’t want to live here forever! This is bullshit!” Jean shouts nervously. No one else looks pleased with the news. “Come, now. What’s the matter with all of you? You decided of your own free will to attend Hope’s Peak Academy, didn’t you? And now, before the entrance ceremony is even finished, you’ve already decided that you want to leave? Oh, but you know... I guess I did forget to mention one thing. There is one way for you to leave the school...” Monokuma leaves us in hopeful suspense.

“Spit it out, already.” Annie orders. “Ok, ok! Calm down!” Monokuma says. “As headmaster, I’ve crafted a special clause for those of you who would like to leave! I call it... the Graduation Clause! Now, let me tell you about this fun little rule. As I mentioned, in order to maintain an environment of harmony here, we rely on a communal lifestyle. And if someone were to disrupt that harmony, they, and they alone, would be allowed to leave the school. That, my students, is the Graduation Clause!”

“So by disrupting the peace, all we need to do is fling shit, literally, at people and we can just... go?” Levi asks with a hint of skepticism in his voice. Monokuma laughs. “No. Not exactly. But... if someone were murder another. (“Murder?!” We all repeat in shock) Stabbing, strangling, bludgeoning, crushing, hacking, drowning, igniting, how you do it doesn’t matter. You must kill someone if you want to leave. It’s as simple as that. The rest is up to you. Give it your all to achieve the best outcome in the worst way possible!”

The air goes suffocatingly thick as we all process the situation at hand. We’re trapped in here for life unless we commit murder. There’s no way to contact the outside world, all the windows are boarded up with giant plates of metal, and our headmaster is a complete psycho. No one wants to believe this. It’s something straight out of a horror movie or a TV show created by someone seriously fucked up. Monokuma’s laugh brings us all out of our stupor. “I bet that got your brain juices flowing! Beats the heck out of a human catching a salmon, huh? Like I said before, you guys are the hope of the world. But you know... taking that hope and seeing it get murdered creates a darkened shadow of despair. And I just find that so. Darn. Exciting!”

“You’re insane!” Krista exclaims as she starts to cry a bit. “You guys just don’t get it, do you?” Monokuma asks. “‘Let us go, let us go!’ You keep on saying the same thing over and over and over and over...! Listen. From this moment on, this school is your home, your life, your world. Got it? And you can kill as much as you wanna kill! So go ahead! Go on a kill-kill-killing spree!”

No one makes a move, or a sound, for a good few seconds until Mikasa walks up to the podium. She just stands there. “Eh? Well what do you want?” Monokuma asks her. When he finishes speaking, she grabs him by his little bear neck and lifts him off the ground. Monokuma waves his arms up and down. “I don’t know if you’re a toy, and, frankly, I don’t care, but you just threatened myself, Eren and everyone else here with murder. If it’s murder you want, it’s murder you’ll get.” Mikasa says and pulls out a pocketknife from her pants pocket. “Waah! Violence against the headmaster is in violation of school regulations!” Monokuma shouts. “You never said that before.” Mikasa says stoically. “And all we need to do is disturb the peace to leave, right? So all I need to do is pull out your stuffing and I’ll get to leave. And since you won’t be around, I’ll take everyone here with me.”

He doesn’t respond except for some kind of beeping. “Is he shutting down?” I question. The beeping then gets louder and more frequent. I then hear a gasp come from behind me. “Throw it!” Hanji instructs. “What?” Mikasa responds. “Throw the damn bear! He’s gonna explode!” Hanji explains. Mikasa immediately throws the bear away and then throws herself onto Eren so he doesn’t get hurt as Monokuma explodes.

I jump from the sudden sound and hear Krista squeak in surprise. “Well, shit. That really throws the reality of this situation in our faces.” Levi says with his usual emotionless voice, but there’s a hint of nervousness behind it. “Wait, guys, Mikasa still killed it!” I point out. “Yeah! The bastard bear’s destroyed!” Eren cheers. “Uh... I-I wouldn’t be so sure...” Armin speaks up as Monokuma reappears on the podium. “Nice try! But it’ll take a lot more than a silly explosion to kill me!”

“Oh, come on! What the hell is this?!” Reiner shouts. “So I was almost killed for nothing?” Mikasa asks. “Of course! You violated one of the school regulations, after all. I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but you’d better be careful from now on. Any naughty boy or girl who violates my rules won’t get off with just a little swat on the butt.” Monokuma threatens. I swear I see a vein on his forehead pop out from the anger. “Wait... if you exploded... and you’re back... does that mean that there are more of you?” Hanji asks him. “Mhm! Yup! There’s also surveillance cameras installed everywhere so I’ll be able to see if you break the rules. Then it’s bye-bye birdie! Now that that’s out of the way, to commemorate your joyous entry into our school, I have a little something for you...” Monokuma says and then flat tablets appear before each of us from the ground. “This is your official student handbook! Pretty cool, huh? As you can see, it’s fully digital. So naturally, we called it... the E-Handbook!”

“Wow... I wonder how many brain cells it took to come up with that?” Hanji says sarcastically. “Ignoring that rude comment, this handbook is absolutely vital to a healthy school life, so don’t lose it! When you start it up, it will display your name. Always make sure you have the right one! Now, this is not your everyday notebook. It has so many more uses than that! Also, it’s completely waterproof. Splash it, wash it, drown it, it’ll keep ticking! And thanks to its space-age design, it can withstand an impact force of up to ten tons. It’s very resistant! It contains all of our school regulations, so make sure you review them thoroughly! You’ll hear me say this a lot, but any violation of school regulations will not be tolerated.”

“This is gonna get pretty fucking annoying.” Ymir groans. “Well, then, don’t violate the rules and you won’t hear it often, sweets. (“Sweets?! Why you-!” Ymir growls but refuses to move so nothing else happens.) Rules restrict, yes, but they also protect. Society, for example, would be utter chaos without laws. (“It’s got a point...” Annie agrees with Monokuma). The same thing applies here! Which is why it’s crucial that we have strict punishments in place for violators. Ok, well... that brings our entrance ceremony to a close! Please enjoy your abundantly dreary school life! See ya!” Monokuma says before disappearing.

With him now gone, we all have time to properly process what we were all just told. I can feel the fear lingering in the air. This school is wrongfully named after Hope. Like he said, the opposite of hope is despair... which is the state that all of us are currently in.

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egg2k16 · 4 years

Text

40 Fanfic Q’s Answered

the server wants answers, and they want them now!!! from this post

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Smut and pining all the way. Also, falling in love via laughing

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Eh...I don’t think so, I’m always 100% self-indulgent, so what u see is what I want

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Anything that has to do w mega sadness, I just Don’t. I can’t write anything sad, and if I do, there’s certainly gonna be A Lot of comfort afterwards

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

I have 91 wips, motherfuckers!!! My latest wip is a daddy month fic!

5. Share one of your strengths.

I think, since I’ve been trying to be sparser in my words, I’ve been able to better emphasize what isn’t being said

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

No action scenes from me are ever good, lmao

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

It was late at night, when he started to cry.

He didn't want to cry, but he did.

It's been years since he's last let himself feel, or was it since he was last allowed to feel?

He choked on his sobs, uncomfortable with his tears. He's forgotten how to properly cry. His entire body is shaking, and the connections between flesh and wire hurts.

He stops crying. He starts crying again.

This continues for another few minutes, until he feels as if he can't possibly have any more tears.

He wipes his face, pulls the covers up to his chin, and falls asleep.

(from Twilight on the Sea) I really like this bcus I don’t think I’ve ever really typed out crying in this way, n I tried to make it feel like it was a lot

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Cass was quiet for a moment. “... you know what? Maybe I’ll just go up there and surprise you.”

“If you do, then you already ruined the surprise, haven’t you?”

“Eh, I dunno about that. Seeing my beautiful face is a shock for many people.”

“Oh, I’m sure of it.”

“Hey, Koda? I don’t know about you, but it’s really late here.”

“Really?” Koda asks, then remembers that time zones exist. “Oh crap, what time is it over there?”

“It’s midnight. What about you?”

“It’s eight o’clock. Only four hours difference?”

“Oh hey, that’s not so bad.”

“It reduces our time,” Koda said, a bit whining.

“Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“What are you going to do? Move here? Send for me?”

“You’ll see.”

(from Together) This was a gift for one my best friends on here, @suncatchr , and it’s about his ocs!!! I love this a lot bcus while it’s a soulmate au, it’s not ur average soulmate au, and I tried making it as original as possible! And this blurb, I just wanted them to effuse so much love w/o having to say love...cries

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

If this is by posted fics, then I remember writing Look What You’ve Done to Me was very very difficult, bcus, since it’s also a gift, for @daniel-bryan , I wanted to write it Good, n since my buddy usually wrote from the love interest’s pov, I felt a weird pressure to write Daniel Bryan’s pov as good as I could

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

2 of my fics in Spanish!!! My oc centric one, Rayos y Centellas, and my shyan one, oye cariño, solo pienso en ti ! Turns out writing in ur native tongue makes everything easier

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

It’s a very passionate hobby!!! I just!!! try to pour all of my love into everything I write!!!

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

I’m not sure!!! I just watch movies n quietly scream to my gay lonesome bcus No One Ever Watches Movies ;-;

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

To just keep writing n not stop for details or forgotten lore, bcus it’s important to write down what’s firing u up Right Now. Of course, it’s very difficult following that ;;-;;

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

“No adverbs!” “No ‘said’!” “It has to make grammatical sense!” sometimes things Need those

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Was gonna say my rewrite of the end of The Rover, but actually, my SPN fic Ube . Shit was peak inspired

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Eridirk (Eridan Ampora/Dirk Strider from Homestuck) all the way. The one otp that’s stayed thru thick n thin <3

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

A little mix of both, and tbh it depends on the fic, but I tend to write chronologically

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

I’ve started bullet pointing my ideas out before writing my fics, and so far, it’s been helping me be more streamlined n get my things written out faster n clearer!

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

Is the need for representation in all the niche movies I keep watching a muse?

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

In my dark room, w music blasting from my laptop, the TV w a soft hum, I have the perfect playlist to get the mood right, curled up in my blankies, n my plushie Sweet Pea by my side

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Zero, we rely on autocorrect & editing while typing and die like men

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

YOU DON’T SEEM SCARED.

Del Rio shrugs. “Working as a cop, it makes you numb to some things. It’s good, it lets you react to things as you should, and not how you’d want to.”

YOU SOUND SAD ABOUT THAT.

He makes a noncommittal noise. “It is what it is.” He eats another spoonful of his ice cream, then gets a thought.

“Can you show up?”

HOW SO?

“Can you,” he tries, waving his spoon around, “Manifest?”

I DON’T KNOW. I’LL TRY.

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” Del Rio assures, and he can feel the air around him smile. The...world, he thinks, around him shifts just slightly, and there seems to be a chink in the armor for a moment before it goes away, as if someone had wiped the glass clear. He realizes that this is her, trying to show up in a physical form, step out of the phone.

He doesn’t know where to look, but then his confusion wanes when a butterfly shows up, fluttering towards him. It lands near his phone, skitters a bit, flaps its wings.

“Lucy?” he asks, transfixed on the butterfly. Its orange wings are bright under the sunlight.

I THOUGHT I’D TRY SMALL, FOR MY FIRST TRIAL.

“Well, you certainly nailed it.” He smiled warmly at the butterfly, and he had the crazy notion that it smiled back at him.

(adapted from The Policeman , the first fic I posted!)

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

Yeah, probably The Policeman lmao, I remember it today n I cringe a little at the very obvious refs to other fandoms I made. Despite that, it continues being one of my best hits!

24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

Never

25. What do you look for in a beta?

I’m just thankful to have gotten a beta in general in life at all

26. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I beta’ed once, and since English is my 2nd language, I pointed out syntax confusion, typos, n continuity errors

27. How do you feel about collaborations?

Can be done, it’s just that I am frightened. Tried doing that, it fell thru, n the new thing that came up, I still have to hold up my end of the bargain ;;-;;

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

cries omg ok so!!! Chancy_Lurking ( @lurkerviolin ) is one of my faves, n we’ve become friends, n their Felix+ Sense8 series is the reason for it all, and u know it’s good if it managed to make a friendship that’s last its good while, and also they’re so nice, and we vibe so well!!! thegoatz ( @daniel-bryan ) is also now one of my bestest friends ever, and I wuv him so much, he is such a good kid, n he’s so enthusiastic about writing, and I hope that spark never goes out!!! And adamwhatareyouevendoing ( @skatingthinandice ) bcus she’s doing a rewrite of The Last Kingdom where it’s all gay where it should be and vnjkdfsnvkd God, what a wonderful friend!!!

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I actually technically am working on a sequel to @rettaroo ‘s A New Kind of Touch ! Another promise I have to hold up eventually ;;;-;;;

30. Do you accept prompts?

Sure!

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I try to follow canon as much as I possibly can!

32. How do you feel about smut?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

33. How do you feel about crack?

Eh, it’s alright. I don’t normally look for it, so I don’t really have a solid opinion on it

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

I don’t want to read it, but I have so far encountered it twice very amicably: once here in a ficlet, and another in a longer fic on AO3, and they were both very good

35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

Probably not, I don’t like sad things!

36. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

AO3! I’m RedLlamas on it!

37. Talk about your current wips.

Lmao which one. The one I’m currently working on is an impregnation kink turned “oh no I actually do wanna have a family” feelings fic!

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

Gonna be real w u, the best comments I’ve gotten have mainly been from my friends, who either write a paragraph or two going into detail of the fic, or just send a one sentence comment that’s just “screams!” I’ve gotten very few paragraphs from other people, n they’re always so!!!

My friends are the realest :’)

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

The perks of being a rarepair writer is that the only people who read my fics are the ones actively looking for content!!! And they can’t complain about my work because No One Else Is Writing For It!!!!!!

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

All my fics are masterpieces, so I’ll do a summary change! For don’t you just know (exactly what they’re thinking?)

Dakota finds himself in unexpected heartbreak, and the universe decides to bring him in the direction of a night club with a dancer with stars on his skin.

#post #about #sbbookclub #writing be like

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mymelodyheart · 4 years

Text

Forget Me Not Chapter 27 ~Obsessions~

"Claire! There ye are!"

She spun around in her chair to face Geillis. "Hey! Right on time. Just finishing."

Geillis crossed her arms, took a step back and studied her face. "Mmm ...ye look great. Nae dark circles under yer eyes, ye gained a bit of weight, and ye're no' cranky. Sleeping better?"

She grinned. The last few weeks had been perfect. She was finally sleeping without the nightmares and eating properly. Her work schedule had finally loosened up after the arrival of her new assistant, Mary McNab, a widower in need of a part-time job. And to her relief, her nauseousness and fainting spells seemed to have ebbed.

Then there was Jamie.

The thought of him made her smile. Since that night in the stable, they had been together almost every day and most nights. And when he wasn't with her, he was either busy rehabilitating Donas or overseeing and working on the renovation of the house he bought a while back. Although she had offered money from her inheritance to finance their eventual home's restoration, he was too stubborn and proud to accept. He was persistent and adamant that it was a man's job to provide for his family with his own sweat and hard work. Slightly annoyed but not wanting to disturb the peace, she conceded, thinking her money could be put to use for other things in the future. She really couldn't complain much about his stubbornness. After all, it was this particular trait that got him through his ordeal.

Although aware of the changes in her body, her pregnancy was still not visible, which was a great thing, since her rushed wedding was only a couple of weeks away, a few months before Jenny's. And for the first time in a very long time, she felt relaxed, and her spirit was light, and she wasn't about to stress over their upcoming nuptials. After what happened in the last few months, she realised life was too precious to be worrying. Whatever worries and expectations she had for the future, she had shoved them away and focused on the present. She did precisely what Ellen had advised her.

Take it one moment at a time. One day at a time.

Let your sense of control go and give it up to the higher power.

Believe you will be guided to the right path and have faith.

As for Jamie, pending fatherhood had changed him a lot. He had been slightly going overboard with baby proofing the house and buying heaps of reading materials on first-time parenthood. And slowly, despite protests from the family, he had also eased his way back to work in the hotel, doing only half-days so as not to compromise his recovery.

She refocused on Geillis. "Thank you. I'm finally sleeping through the night, so I'm more energetic."

"That's great, chick. It's about time. We don't want ye looking all gaunt and stressed out on yer big day."

"After what happened with Annalise, I think I have my priorities straightened out by now. Call it an awakening or whatever. I'm determined not to be one of those bridezillas. I'll just go with the flow. I'm just happy Jamie is on his feet and thriving even if he's back to being his stubborn self. But I must say, he's obsessing way too much about the baby to a point he was wondering if there was some sort of daddy boot camp around this area."

Geillis laughed. "Aye, weel, that's quite normal. He's definitely looking better too. He looks like a man truly well-loved. If ye ken what I mean." She winked to make a point.

"Ha, ha! Anyway, enough of me. How're things with Willie?"

Geillis rolled her eyes, feigning exasperation over the topic. But Claire knew her friend's feelings ran way deeper. "Weel, ye ken it took a while before he convinced me to go out to dinner with him ..." She paused to check her cuticles. "I tried to be all cool about it by telling him that I'm a big girl, and I could handle one night stands and that he didn't need to take me out to dinner as a thank ye. I was convinced I was some sort of transitional. Weel, he was appalled with my assumptions. But whatever ...I'm done fighting my feelings. Like ye, I'm just going with the flow. I like the lad, Claire but sometimes, I cannae forget that time when he called out yer name on our first night together. It keeps coming back."

"Oh, Geillis." Claire stood up and hugged her friend. When she finally pulled away, she looked at her friend in the eyes. "Listen. He announced to the family that you're his girlfriend, and he hasn't done that for years. Besides, how many times did he ask ye out before ye relented? That accounts for something. He must like you a lot to pursue you; otherwise, he wouldn't have been persistent. Stop worrying. He cares for you, and you know fine, Willie is not that sort of bloke, ok?"

"Aye," Geillis shrugged. "It's just that the Fraser lads are known for their gallantry, so ye never know if Willie was just trying to do right by me."

Claire shook her head. "Now, don't be daft. Willie hardly goes home to Lallybroch now. He's always in our house, and that's because he wants to spend more time with you. And that reminds me, I think he better start coughing up some cash for the rent. That man can eat!"

"Weel so does yer, Jamie. What's with men and midnight snacks?"

They looked at each other and giggled.

"Come on, lass, let's get ye out of here before more work is piled on yer desk." Geillis started to pull her hand as she grabbed her satchel. "I don't want to be late for our appointment."

Claire almost forgot about their appointment at a beauty salon. They were planning to have their nails done, including facial and Brazilian wax treatments. It was Geillis' advance bridal gift to her. "Erm Geillis, don't ye think I can skip the Brazilian wax part? It sounds like it's going to hurt. And aren't we supposed to do this before the wedding? You know all this pampering and stuff."

"Ach, shush. This one's on me. Jenny arranged the pamper session before the wedding already. And as for the Brazilian wax, Jamie will be please, and ye can consider it an early wedding present for him. And besides, I've wanted to do this for a long time, just ye and me. Even though we live in the same house, we hardly spend time together anymore," Geillis chattered as she continued to pull Claire along. "Ye ken what they say, no pain, no gain. Trust me ...men love it. It will be worth it."

"Well, Jamie has never complained before..."

"Of course, he hasn't complained. He doesn't know any better. Wait till ye see the look on his face when he sees yer fanny."

Self-consciousness crashed over her, and she yanked her friend by the arm. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Pipe down will you! Don't want the staff knowing what we're about to do."

"Don't want the staff to know what?" a deep voice came from behind them. The girls jumped as Willie approached them. After a quick kiss to Geillis, he eyed them both suspiciously.

"Aaah, a wee bit of a trim and some pampering. Girls' afternoon out, ye ken. Will be home before dinner," Geillis explained hurriedly. She stood on tiptoes to give Willie a quick peck before pulling Claire roughly.

"Wait ..." Willie called after them.

"We're late, sorry," Claire looked at him apologetically. "See you at home."

Damn Geillis! He will find out soon enough what they have been up to. Claire cringed at the thought as she allowed her friend to pull her away from the baffled looking Willie.

..........

It was early evening when Claire finally made it through her door. She had dropped off Geillis at the hotel for her impromptu dinner date with Willie before heading home. Other than the funny feeling between her legs after the Brazilian wax treatment, Claire felt shiny and brand new from her pampering session. Sneaky as her friend was, she appreciated their time together since it was long overdue and she very much needed some girl-talk.

"In here, Sassenach," Jamie's voice called out as she heard utensils and pans clacking. She inhaled deeply, and she smelled food.

Dropping her satchel and laptop on the coffee table, she made her way to the kitchen. "Oh, hi ...Whatever you're making, I hope you didn't make loads. Geillis and I were served snacks at the beauty salon."

She was just about to go over to Jamie when he stopped her on her tracks. "Stay where ye are, Sassenach. I need to blindfold ye."

"W-what?"

Jamie waved a hand in the air. "A wee degustation. It's straightforward - I blindfold ye, and ye let me know how each of the things I made taste. It's sort of a trial for a full course menu I'd like to make and suggest to Murtagh."

"Huh? Taste-testing? I don't know if I could go through a whole set of menu, Jamie. I might have loads of appetite these days but don't you think it's a bit late for that?" She eyed the paper bags on the countertop with suspicion. "And why do I have to be blindfolded?"

Jamie smiled. "They're just wee bite portions, Sassenach. I just want to know how the components go together, and ye have a great taste palate. As for the blindfold, I think one has a more open mind when ye can't visually peg the ingredients. Allows yer taste buds to take over as the primary sensory perception."

"Aaah, is that so, Chef Fraser?" she teased, grinning.

"Aye, it is so. Weel, are ye helping me out here or not?"

Her skin tingled with anticipation. "Fine, let's do this."

He lit up, pushing up the sleeves on his casual shirt as if prepping for something big. He put on Claire's girly pink apron hanging from the hook, which only made him look more masculine than ever, and dragged a chair for her to sit on.

"I can sit on the stool," she pointed out.

"No. A chair is sturdier, trust me."

Sturdier for what? She shrugged. "Alright, so what do I do?"

He pulled out a scarf from the back pocket of his jeans, grinning, a wicked gleam lighting his eyes. "First this."

"Oooh, kinky."

"Aye, I can do kinky," he whispered as he gently placed the scarf over her eyes and tied a loose knot, before planting a kiss on her cheek. "So, can ye see anything?"

"Nope."

"Right, sit tight and give me a few secs."

She heard cupboard doors open and close, and the rustle of bags. She smelled the scent of freshness and a variety of herbs, all mixed up. The refrigerator door squeaked, and then it went silent. Jamie's shuffling around the kitchen slowly relaxed her, and she allowed her mind to drift while she waited for the first taste.

Moments passed before she sensed him kneeling in front of her as a rush of his warm breath hit her lips. "Are ye ready for yer first taste, Sassenach?"

She twitched her nose and smiled. "Yes."

"Open up ...aaahhh."

Her lips parted. She expected the cool, smooth touch of the spoon, but Jamie used his fingers instead. He placed something small and soft on her tongue. The flavour of earth tickled her taste buds, and the firm bite against her teeth exploded juice in her mouth.

"Dumpling? With truffles and wild mushroom." A smile touched her lips as she caught the last bite of mirin. "Ooooh, the balance is incredible."

He wiped a trickle of moisture from her bottom lip. "Good lass. It was dumpling filled with porcini, chanterelles and truffle oil. Did you like it?"

She grinned, licking her lips. "Uh-huh. It was yum."

"Alright, next one." She waited, her senses going on high alert. "Open for me."

Her body relaxed as if trying to respond to the command. Before she could take a whiff of what's coming next, Jamie pushed the morsel into her mouth. She tasted something creamy, thick cheese combined with a hint of garlic, olive oil, sweet basil and crisp tomato.

"Mmmm," she moaned. "Mozzarella cheese, my favourite. And tomato ...so fresh and so good, like it was recently plucked from the vine. And basil ...this is so heaven!"

He chuckled, and his hand began stroking her cheek, soothing her into a more relaxed trance. The simplicity of the flavours flowed through her, and she allowed herself to lean back. "Ye're very good at this, Sassenach and the faces ye're making, is making it hard for me to concentrate," he said in a low voice, his finger trailing down her throat. "Do ye want more?"

She nodded eagerly this time. "Uh-huh."

"I want to take off yer top."

She was caught off-guard by his request. His outrageous demand was over the top, aware that there's a possibility Willie and Geillis could walk in on them anytime even though she knew they went out for dinner. But still, the whole scenario was turning her on and she felt brazen. "Do it for me, then."

Not saying another word, he unbuttoned her blouse with deft fingers, and the cool air rushed at once over her exposed skin. For her, it felt so outrageously decadent to be sitting in the kitchen, blindfolded and having Jamie feed her. As her mind began to wander and ponder what was going to come next, he took her by surprise when his mouth suddenly clamped on her nipple and started sucking through the lace fabric of her bra, flicking his tongue back and forth. She gasped and automatically arched toward him. Before her hands could grip his shoulders, he was gone, and she was grasping air. Next, she heard a clatter of utensil hitting the countertop, the rustle of paper and Jamie whistling. Each second twisted the tension in her stomach to another knot.

She tried to even out her breaths as she felt him come closer, but he spoke quite calmly. "Ready for yer next bite, Sassenach?"

She nodded.

"Open."

She did and bit down. It was flaky and smelled of the river. There was a hint of teriyaki sauce and spring onion, but it didn't overwhelm the natural flavour of the fish.

"Salmon! Oh ...and it's beautifully cooked."

"Mmm, very good." As she chewed and swallowed, he unhooked her bra, and her breasts spilt free into his waiting hands. The combination of his touch and the lingering flavour of food in her mouth made her shiver. Coasting his finger over her stomach, he traced the waistband of her skirt. "Lift yer hips, Sassenach, this is coming off."

Her inner rational voice wanted to tell him absolutely not, but her body had a mind of its own as her hips lifted to their own accord.

She heard his sharp intake of breath. "Beautiful ...so beautiful. It never stops, does it? The wanting ye?" he whispered as he stroked and caressed her calves and upward, gently parting her legs. She hissed, unable to get a word to pass her mouth. "We have two tastes left. Let's get ye something to wash it down with."

She could only whimper at the loss of his touch as he stood up and made his way back again in the kitchen. A cupboard door slammed, and the sound of liquid being poured into a glass echoed in her ears. "Just a wee sip because it's alcohol. Let me know what ye think."

He cupped her chin and tipped the glass to her lips. The wine trickled down her throat, the scent of blackberries drifting to her nostrils and soaking her mouth. She relished the intense tannins and boldness of flavour. "Red wine. I can taste berries. Cabernet Sauvignon?"

"Aye, it's Cabernet Sauvignon. Pregnancy has definitely heightened yer senses. Have a little more and then that's enough. It's not good for the baby."

As she took another sip, his palm cupped her between her thighs, taking her by surprise.

Her hips shot up, and the wine slid down her throat. "Stunning," Jamie murmured as if she was one of his scientific experiments.

A choked laugh escaped her throat. She thought they had both gone bonkers acting out a foodie sex scene, yet she didn't want him to stop and needed him to finish where he'd taken her. "Stop teasing me, Jamie," she said hoarsely. "I need ..."

"Hush, I ken what ye need, Sassenach. Lift up."

And she did, and he carefully slid down her panties.

She waited for his hands or his mouth, but there was only cold air. "Jamie?"

"Oh, holy Christ!"

Oh, holy Christ, what? She was confused for a moment and then she remembered the Brazilian wax treatment she had from earlier. All of a sudden, her face heated up and she tried to squeeze her legs together in embarrassment. "I guess I've gone over the top. Y-you don't like it?" she asked stammering.

He didn't answer her question. "Legs apart, Sassenach, I want to see," he demanded in a low voice.

She obeyed, completely helpless, wishing she could see his reaction. There was a long moment of silence. Jesus, why isn't he saying anything?

He didn't utter a word, as she felt him move away from her. Every muscle in her body was locked with tension as she waited for him to say something. Anything. Instead, when he came back, his fingers pushed past her lips and laid a sample on her tongue.

Chocolate truffle! Bittersweet, rich and creamy. The chocolate coated her tongue and melted in her mouth, making her smile. "Oh God! That's lush," she said huskily.

Without warning, the blindfold was suddenly ripped off, his mouth taking hers in an urgent kiss. Then his tongue slid in to taste the residual flavours in Claire's mouth while his fingers slid between her legs.

It didn't take long, and she came hard, bucking against the chair, a dozen sensations pulling her in different directions. Jamie muttered something incoherently, hiked her up against him and stumbled into her bedroom. In a few seconds, he dropped her on the bed and shed his clothes.

She was still shaking from the after-effects of her orgasm when he pushed her knees back and took her in one full, deep thrust. Sweat dripped from his brow as he locked gaze with her. At that moment, her heart burst open, filling her with light and immense love flowing out of her and surrounding them.

"You've always been mine," he whispered.

Her body welcomed him as her inner walls clamped hard around his cock. He took her wildly, and she gave it back to him, with the sting of her nails, with the ragged cries of his name and the thrust of her hips. And when they both exploded together, he wrapped his arms tight around her body, keeping her safe within the circle.

Racked with pleasure, he collapsed on top of her, muttering her name like a litany of prayer and worship.

It took a while before they got their heartbeats and breathing back to normal and reality broke through. Then Claire started to laugh against his chest, and he smiled down at her. "Wow, Jamie, what just happened there?"

"I dinna ken. I did plan on a slow seduction, but after I saw ye bare down there, I just lost it. I kinda feel like a dirty old man liking it, but I must admit, it looks verra pretty. Was I too rough?" he asked, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

She found it endearing how his accent became more pronounced when he was sex-drunk. Smiling, she propped herself on her elbow, her finger tracing the whorl of hair on his chest. "No ...it was everything, Jamie."

"Good. Now that mama is well-fed and satisfied, it's the baby's turn," he laughed, pulling her out of bed.

He was full of surprises of late, and she was only too happy for him to lead. "What did you have in mind?"

Scooping her up in his arms, he bit her earlobe gently. "First shower. Then I'll make us hot cocoa. And how about a film afterwards?"

"Sounds grand to me," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, as he walked them to the bathroom.

An hour later, they were settled with their mugs of steaming hot cocoa in front of the television. Dressed in his t-shirt, she cuddled next to him under the blanket.

They were just getting to the exciting part of the film when there was a loud knock on the door, making Claire jump.

She was about to get up when Jamie pulled her back. "I'll get it."

"It could be Geillis and Willie. She sent me a message earlier that she left her keys in her office."

He nodded and made his way to the door. The next consecutive knocks were louder and more urgent. "Coming ..." Jamie's loud voice called out as he hurried, the limp still slightly evident in his stride.

Claire put down the mug on the coffee table and got up from the sofa. She had an unerring instinct it wasn't Geillis knocking on the door.

"Isobel! What are ye doing here?"

It was Geneva's sister looking stressed and worried. "Is Claire here?"

Claire walked up to them, a niggling sensation starting to stir in her belly. She knew the girl, but they had hardly exchanged a full sentence since coming back to Lallybroch. Confused, she wondered why the girl was asking after her. "Isobel, what's the matter?"

Jamie waved Isobel in and closed the door behind her, worry etching his brows. "Is it Donas?"

Isobel shook her head, her eyes filled with panic and dread. "No, no, Donas is fine. I-i-i-it's my sister. She plans to do something terrible. I-i found her diary and a lot of awful things are written about y-you and the things she wants to do. It's so horrible, I c-c-can't even say it, " she stammered, glancing at Claire. "A-and yesterday I found a bottle of sulfuric acid under her bed. At first, I didn't think much about it because my father uses it to clean metals on the farm. B-but earlier I looked it up and found articles about it being used in acid attacks. A-a-and I started to wonder why she had it under her bed."

Jamie ran a hand through his hair, ragged breath whooshing out of him.

Claire suppressed her panic, not wanting to jump to false conclusions. "Isobel, maybe she's just ranting in her diary. There has to be an explanation for the acid under her bed ..." She knew instantly her rationalisation sounded lame the moment it came out of her mouth.

"N-no, she's been obsessing about you ever since her job application at the hotel was turned down by Brian. I c-can't stand back and do nothing ...and ..."

Their conversation was interrupted by another knock on the door, making them all jump.

"It must be Geillis," Claire sighed as she looked at Jamie.

Before Jamie could respond, Isobel turned around and opened the door. Then everything happened in a blur. One minute they were all standing there, expecting Geillis to come in and in the next, Isobel was on the floor howling in pain as she clutched her upper body.

Standing in the doorway was Geneva holding an empty bottle, and her eyes widened in horror as she watched her sister collapsed. "No, no, Isobel ...no, no ...I'm so sorry. Oh my God, what have I done," she cried as she fell to her knees beside her sister.

It must have been adrenaline, fear or her heightened instinct but Claire didn't take any chances as she grabbed a decorative vase on the console table and smashed it on Geneva's head. Numbly, Claire watched her crumple beside her sister as she slowly backed away.

#melodyheart #forgetmenot #Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser #outlanderfanfic

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adhdsleepdeprivedstudent · 5 years

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ADHD Wait What Episode 6(? i rlly don’t know oops ?) : hacks i learned

ok so literally since i was little up until i was diagnosed w ADHD my family and teachers all believed i was hypersensitive to everything but didn’t know why.

like certain kinds of sounds can literally leave me in tears, long durations of loud chatter such as a grocery store, specifically, was always an issue. not loud sounds themselves, i blast music to drown out the chatter, it’s the hundreds of sounds happening that all take my attention at once and drive me crazy.

certain textures of clothing and food even. i cannot stress how much i not even just hated but loathed wearing anything w sequins (which drive my mom crazy) bc if i felt it against my skin i would get super irritated. even w food i was such a picky eater and it wasn’t even always about taste but if something feels weird i can’t eat it or i feel like gagging.

smells. oh thank the lord. of all the senses, my smell is the weakest. like i literally cannot smell hardly anything. people can be gagging and choking and it sitting there like “what do you mean it smells like dog took a poop i can’t smell shit” (😂puns man, puns defeat the huns).

sight! people with light colored eyes have more sensitive eyes in general (hi it me) and because ya girl lives in a desert all there is is v v v brightsun (and i read in the dark a lot even tho mom said no woopsies she still doesn’t know) anyways certain kinds of lights, too many lights or lights too close together strain my eyes super badly! it got to the point that my school had to make an acception to allow me to wear my prescription sunglasses indoors bc the lights gave me super intense migraines and my docs weren’t happy about it.

sight, sound, smell, touch i’m missing something i’m missing something i’m missing something i will continue to type this until i remember sight sound touch smell sight sound touch smell cmon i

TASTE ok Taste. so the only thing i’ve notices is like i said texture really but also anything that’s sour, i love sour things don’t get me wrong but sour candies in particular idk what it is about them but like something about them makes me want to cry and puke em up and it’s not cute sight so that’s all five

kudos for reading this far.

NOW FOR THE ACTUAL HACKS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG OK

taste: if you’ve pin pointed something that you eat or a kind of food that irks you or whatever, just avoid it if you remember super easy. if you remember. if not and you eat it. drink. the. water. get. the. taste. out. of. your. mouth. period.

sight: if it’s bright lights like me, sun-freaking-glasses!!!!!!! i cannot drive w put them. well i can but it’s a pain and i get a migraine and i’m v quickly reminded to put them on!!! on that note, keep several pairs anywhere you might need them. otherwise you’ll never see them again. keep one in your car, two maybe! one in ur purse, or backpack or both!! keep one by your keys if you have a designated key spot (i don’t but my grandma picks em up from the oddest places i swear). literally just go to ross or something and buy multiple pairs of cheap yet decent sunglasses. if you’re like me and wear regular glasses, buy multiple pairs again!!!! keep them everywhere!!! i always lose mine, always. if it weren’t for my ocd grandma whom i love so dearly i would literally never see ever. if your also like me and have a strange prescription like one eye is nearsighted and the other is farsighted, pop a lense and swap it out w the right one for that eye!!!!! it might be annoying but it works, or if your even more like me and one eye is basically fine but the other is absolutely horrid, buy walmart glasses w the prescription for the bad eye and just pop out the other lense. it looks silly but honestly who cares.

textures! yeeeeeeeee!! for a long time i had no control over this but if you do, just don’t buy the thing w the texture and if you impulse buy it, return it! take someone w you to make sure it actually happens! if you don’t have control explain to the person w the control that that texture irks you and agitated you and if they still don’t care just like...loose it? idk it worked for me until they just stopped buying the thing w the texture that makes me cringe.

smells. i know for me even tho i cannot smell v well, one smell that never fails to stop me in my track is the flowery scents! it absolutely must be v subtle. if i walk past a perfume/candle/scenty kinda store, i literally hold my breath as i pass. if it’s an every day smell for you, put on a candle you do like, or a nice room spray or even those icky dryer sheets (those are a texture that makes me squeal w discomfort i cannot even begin)

and most importantly for me, SOUND. OH HOLY MOTHER OF SNOWBALL DANCING BALLOONS I AM so overly sensitive to sound. i’ve noticed i cannot listen to a majority of rap bc they talk too fast for my mind to keep up and it hurts my head trying so i just avoid it. stores. make. me. so. stressed. i never ever ever ever go anywhere w out a pair of headphones. the chatter of a few is easy, maybe ten or so is bearable but more than that i start getting all ich and whatnot, stimulation overload occurs and all i want is to curl up and die in peace. instead! we turn on music we enjoy! and! blast! tf! out of it! if it’s loud noises! slightly lower, blast a more peaceful song. at school they also have to make accommodations and allow me to listen to my music so that the chatter of kids doesn’t make me literally cry. if there’s a lot going on sound wise i absolutely cannot concentrate ever. i will burst into tears from frustration and overstimulation and people don’t participate enjoy seeing a 17 year old balling their eyes out in a spin by chair saying it’s too loud, freaks em out

PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER HACKS OR TIPS LEAVE EM HERE FOR OTHERS WHO CAN TEY THEM OUT

#overstimulation resulting from ADHD is a freaking pain i cannot begin to explain it #actually adhd #adhd #adhd problems #adhd tag #adhdentertainment #adhd episode #adhd wait what episode #adhd hacks #adhd hack #adhd fam #adhd central #im listening to ophelia and it just so lretty lso its almost 3 am i started this at like 1:30 am im screamjng it took so long #i literally deleted so much of whag i had on this post and i-

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void-official · 5 years

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“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’. Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

#........./#....../#././#././/./#/././..#long post

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cmarionthewilkid-blog · 5 years

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C.O.N.S.U.M.E.D

What happens when we consume more than we need? What happens when our choices are influenced by societal pressures of how things should be? Part 1 of my reflective journal will aim to provide a glimpse at two weeks of a working mom, head of a house of five, who also coincidentally adds event planner often to her job tasks.

Day 1: I specifically started my consumption journal on Friday, October 25. The day before a large case competition I was hosting on campus. Day 1 starts like most every other day of my life. The 20 minute drive to daycare, followed by the usual ice cap pit stop at Tim Horton’s. This day is special though, with the pressures of ensuring everything was just right for our judges and sponsors. I stroll off to Ferme Beaulieu to spend $328 on gifts. I am thinking that at least I am buying local products (honey, herbs, ketchup aux fruits) and feel pretty great about that. But why do I feel obliged to buy gifts at all? Wouldn’t a sincere thank you be enough? I guess according to Jonathan Porritt (2011), I have fallen victim to consumerism at its best. Somehow, I feel OK about it though.

A quick stop at Dollarama for gift bags, disposable coffee cups (cringe!), and plastic plastic trays. Finally, a $148 trip to Provigo for snacks for the case competitors and coaches. Oops, did I mention the trip to the t-shirt printer to pick up the 60 red printed competition momentos. Let’s add the 250+ pages I printed that day! As I sit here and reflect on the necessities (needs) of running a case competition versus expectations (and wants), I come to the realization that most of what I have purchased is simply there to enhance image.

Day 2 (October 26): Tim’s ice cap (check!). 60 Donuts, 60 pre-packed lunches, 24 cans of Perrier, 60 cans of soft drinks, 40 coffees in disposable cups, 100 plastic glasses of wine. Today, I am completely influenced by materialism and keeping the “image”. Let’s keep in mind that I work for a business school and that comes with some rather large assumptions around how things are supposed to look and be. Not to mention, I am hosting five people from the company who is sponsoring the event, so I need to keep them happy and ensure the event lives up to their expectations. I am reminded of Amitai Etzioni, (2012) and his sentiments about “keeping up with the Jones’”. It is true, when one party sets a certain expectation, we all rise to meet, or better, exceed them.

Today; however, my biggest disappointment was food waste. The boxed lunches were good, but about 25% of people didn’t eat all their meal. Almost 100% of the people didn’t eat the dessert included. We don’t have access to compost, so it went to the trash. Above the clear environmental impact of my event, I am reminded of the fact that one fifth of the world’s richest people consume 45% of all the meat and fish (Shah, 2014). Despite the company providing compostable cutlery and cups, I feel guilty that I sent so many things to the landfill today. To top it all off, Sodexo served a less than stellar menu at the Gala dinner (veal sous-vide). I swear I wanted to eat it, but alas, two bites in and I am done. More to the trash. Exhausted and mentally drained, I wonder to myself where the balance between convenience and waste needs to come into play. Why can’t we have compost stations on campus?

Day 3 (October 27): But first, my ice cap! A friend’s child’s birthday party today so I scramble to get things together. I run to Provigo to grab stuff for mini pizzas to share (forgot my grocery bags, so plastic it is). My friend insisted on no gifts at the party, which I wanted to accept, but quite frankly couldn’t. I’m glad I didn’t because apparently no one else respected it either. I think about this social obligation more deeply (Goodwin, Smith, & Spiggle, 1990). I try my best to make a compromise, we opt for a movie day among friends instead of a traditional gift. I am hoping this small intrinsically motivated action may decrease future landfill waste in the future. Nonetheless, we are filled with waxed juice cups and plates. Back to the Provigo to grab something for the family for supper. I grab peppers in a plastic bag, sausages in a styrofoam package, pasta sauce in a glass bottle, cheese in plastic packaging and pasta in a cardboard box. Nothing much to compost or recycle unfortunately.

Day 4 (October 28): Monday and back to work. Ice cap, yup! I am starting to get quite the collection in my office recycling bin. My boss just commented on it. I guess it is a bit of an eye sore..haha!

Two trips to Provigo today. One at lunch to grab George’s bread, deli ham, Coaticook cheese, carrots and dip. Next stop on the way home from work for supper, chicken, baby potatoes and stuffing.

Day 5 (October 29): If you haven’t guessed by now, ice cap time! Today, my brother (who lives with us) did a fridge clean up. Sigh! I can’t believe how much stuff we threw away. Past date, wilted vegetables, moldy fruits. Why don’t I just throw money directly into the garbage can? Is it normal that the first thing I think about is wasted money? According to a study by Graham-Rowe, Jessop, and Sparks (2014), wasting money is indeed a major motivator to minimize food waste. Inspired by this revelation, I am determined to have leftovers for lunch and transform the chicken salad sandwiches tonight for supper. I don’t even have to stop at Provigo today! WOW!

Day 6 (October 30): IC (that’s all I will say). Wednesdays are always tricky because I am running around and teach a class at night. It is one of those days. I grab lunch at Subway (steak sub, chips and a drink) -> garbage.

Run to Provigo after work and grab steak, carrots, potatoes and gravy from Provigo and throw it in pot to cook. I also realize that I haven’t really bought any candy for Halloween for my students in case class. $65.30 later and we have meat and candies! I’ve also been putting out chocolates outside my office door for students.

Day 7 (October 31): Another ice cap to go please. I don’t even eat lunch today. Now I realize we have no candy for the kids. Drive to Walmart and $68.03, we’ve got goodies. No lunch again, and we go to a friend’s for supper. Off with the 4 year old trick or treating in the rain. She gets a pail of treats, we have 2 boxes of stuff leftover.

Day 8 (November 1): Day of the dead? I think so! Actually order breakfast with my ice cap at Timmy’s this morning. No lunch today. We decide to go shopping after work today as my brother has a 40% discount at L’Equipeur. $218.58 later, my husband enjoys new shoes, jeans, sport jacket, t-shirts, and a pair of sneakers for my mom for Christmas. Oh wait! Marlee needs new winter boots, so $86.22 later, we have new winter boots for her. I also see the cutest dress boots at Marshall’s (fake baby Uggs). I suppose these is what the marketers are hoping for. Top it all off with super for the family at Guido’s. (Wow! I have really been eating like crap!) Day 8 hurt the bank account! Day 9 (November 2): Maybe I should actually buy some groceries for my empty fridge. I sludge off to Provigo early Saturday morning to spent near $200. At least I have meat, veggies, fruits, and some of the other basics for my family to actually live on. Stop at Tim’s on the way home for the usual.

Day 10 (November 3): Beautiful breakfast with family (and an ice cap). Spent the day making food (soup, roasted chicken, pasta sauce, etc....). Trying to cut down on the restaurant stops this week. End up at the library with some dear colleagues from GSE503, so I think another ice cap is in order to stay awake (and leftover Halloween Candy).

Day 11 (November 4): Check that thought. Day went to hell, running late, dead tired, no breakfast, grabbed Rima for supper. Fridge full, but I don’t even care at this point.

Day 12 (November 5): Today is a new day! I started making iced coffee at home! No Tim’s! I actually did not spend $1 today! Why do I feel so great? Apparently it is something referred to as perceived consumer effectiveness (PCE). When is comes to sustainable buying practices, this PCE is influenced directly by guilt and pride. This becomes important because it means that as a consumer, my behaviours could be modified by using emotions (Antonetti, & Maklan, 2014).

Day 13 (November 6): Another no spending kind of day! Feeling all pride and no guilt! Maybe Atonetti and Maklan are on to something!

Day 14 (November 7): Last day of recording! No ice caps and going strong. My husband and I are feeling like we need a little extra family time, so we go out for supper at Mike’s with Marlee. We follow it up by a little Chocolat Favoris. I asked myself why we went to Mike’s again? What a waste! A quick stop by Provigo to grab snacks for my basketball girls. I make an orzo salad plus pull together fruits, yogurt, cheese and granola bars.

Stay tuned for Part 2 to see if I actually made some changes and what this whole process has meant for me. Until then, I leave you on this note: Waiting on the World to Change

REFERENCES

Antonetti, P., & Maklan, S. (2014). Feelings that make a difference: How guilt and pride convince consumers of the effectiveness of sustainable consumption choices. Journal of Business Ethics, 124(1), 117-134. Retrieved from www.jstor.org/stable/24033218

Etzioni, A. (2012). You Don’t need to Buy This. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/FN3z8gtDUFE

Goodwin, C., Smith, K.L., & Spiggle, S. (1990). Gift giving: Consumer motivation and the gift purchase process. In NA - Advances in Consumer Research. 17, eds. Marvin E. Goldberg, Gerald Gorn, and Richard W. Pollay, Provo, UT : Association for Consumer Research, 690-698. Retrieved from http://acrwebsite.org/volumes/7086/volumes/v17/NA-17

Graham-Rowe, E., Jessop, D.C., & Sparks, P. (2014). Identifying motivations and barriers to minimising household food wasteby. Resources, Conservation & Recycling, 84, 15-23. doi: 10.1016/j.resconrec.2013.12.005

Porritt, J. (2011). The trap of materialism. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/DtwXryPNciM

Shah, A. (2014). Consumption and Consumerism: Global Issues. Retrieved from http://www.globalissues.org/issue/235/consumption-and-consumerism

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lunima · 5 years

Note

@@@@@ SPREAD THE LOVE BABE

// HEAPS LOVE ACROSS THE DASH / SELECTIVELY ACCEPTING

@hybridea : RYE, MY FAVORITE LOAF OF BREAD. I’m so glad I found Rye again after like?? a solid YEAR and a half I think?? It’s been a fucking MINUTE. Rye is so endlessly gotdang kind and wonderful. She’s an absolute ray of sunshine on this blue hell and we don’t deserve her tbh. I am filled with so much joy whenever I talk to her ( even if she’s fucking hURTING ME WITH PAINFUL REPLIES/MEMES/HEADCANONS ) She’s the type of person that shows up in your life that instantly makes you feel like “yes, you’re a good and safe person to talk to and to hang out with.” and i feel like that’s really huge on this site where we have so many people that are needlessly cruel or simply don’t care about who’s on the other end of the screen. Rye is endlessly talented too (like don’t even get me STARTED) she is so passionate about every single one of her muses and it SHOWS. Whether it’s a headcanon or a meme or a thread (no matter the size) Rye writes the most beautiful and heartfelt content. She really taps into the soul of every muse she picks up. LIKE HONESTLY ITS ALMOST SCARY how well she’s aced every single one of them.

@fractempyreal : ALRIGHT I’VE SEEN WHITNEY AROUND FOR LIKE YEARS TBH but i just kind of admired from afar 1) bc she’s so damn quality I was like wow pls don’t look at my MESS here and 2) I still didn’t know enough abt the OG DMC to be like 👉😎👉 (bc my first dmc experience was the reboot game) ANYWAY RECORD SCRATCH HERE WE ARE TODAY Whitney is a fucking delight and absolutely hysterical. Like hands down. She’s wonderful to talk to (even tho she likes to hurt me w/ her headcanons and everything tOO) She’s also like the honorary president of the dmc rpc tbh (we voted for u in our hearts, i speak for everyone here ok) when I think about the dmc portion of this rpc hell I think of Whitney and all of her awesomeness. Her love for Vergil is like THE REALEST THING OUT THERE. Her dedication to his characterization, to his story floors me every time I read her work. I can literally hear his voice in all of her replies (LEGIT ITS SO GOOD I GET GOOSEBUMPS SOMETIMES DON’T @ ME) the attention to detail and her writing is absolutely gorgeous and provides such incredible insight into one of the most complex video game characters i’ve come across. since I started playing dmc5, reading her work (and also rye’s, the two of them together are a damn menace to society) has enriched the game even further and I just ADORE THE HECKY OUT HER.

@destructivour : Honestly i’m Mad that no one told me to watch Bleach YEARS ago but I couldn’t be more thrilled that Grimmjow is my first introduction to it tbh. I’ve still got a LOT to learn about this world but I love this scrappy lil trash cat a Whole Lot. HE GENUINELY MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD whether its some canon thing I stumble across or one of your posts, he’s an wonderful disaster and the fact that he’s still like 200 episodes away from me (even tho i’ve cheated and skipped ahead a few times bc I wanted to see dah boi) your writing is so wonderful and immersive, WHETHER I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON OR NOT I just love to sit and read your threads and headcanons (especially with whitney okay, I need you both to write me a grimmjow x vergil book bc I could read that shit forever tbh. You’ve both crafted such a beautiful and turbulent relationship it’s sO FUN TO READ) and JARVIA YOU’RE RAD AF?? You’re so much fun to talk to and i’m absolutely in stitches (or fucking crying bc grimmjow makes me sad too) when we’re yelling about this absolute furry. I’m rly glad we found each other and I can’t wait to further lose my mind @ you as I continue my descent into the world of Bleach uwu.

@devilrev : GALE!!!! The Nero to my Kyrie ! I’d say i’m sorry for dragging you into nerokiri hell with me but i’m not!! And honestly I didn’t expect to fall in this deep with them. They give me so much life. They’re genuinely probably the least angsty and most “healthy” and loving ship I’ve ever shipped. You write Nero so beautifully and have such a wonderful understanding of his character. I can’t get enough of your headcanons tbh. I SAID THIS BEFORE ABOVE but your portrayal also brings such a richness to the games for me. Your understanding of the way that he thinks and behaves and reacts to things are so on point I just *CHEFS KISS* You’re also an absolute delight to talk to. It’s hard for me to click with people sometimes but we hit it off so well it’s been marvelous!! Thank you for letting me sob about my girl, and also spam you with sad songs and headcanons. The post 5 world (and honestly pre-5 too) we’ve been discussing is so vibrant and massive and exciting already I can’t wait to explore it all more tbh.

@daemominus : OOZE!! Honestly ooze I think it’s safe to say you helped drag me down into this hell okay. The second I finished watching the gameplay I was on the hunt in the rpc and I found you!! I’m like 900% sure I told you back in the day but I’m telling you again you NAILED him. As someone fresh out of the game, I read every word you wrote in his voice. You set each scene perfectly it’s been a delight to have had you on my dash for all of these years. YOU’VE SEEN SOME REAL CRINGE STUFF COME OFF MY BLOGS SO THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND TBH. I feel like Ezra was just destined to be Tired and ready to beat the ass of every iteration of vergil, reboot and og alive at this point in time so thank you for putting up with every iteration of her too. At least this version of her can’t sass him into oblivion like she once did. ON TO YOUR V NOW THO I GOT SO DAMN HYPED WHEN YOU MADE HIM TBH. You have such an spectacular flare and I’ve loved seeing the direction you’ve chosen to take and i’m so stoked to write with you again.

#answered / ooc.#THE DMC APPRECIATION POST #ft jarvia/grimmjow who is an honorary member of dmc bc i keep expecting him to pop up in five #thanks 2 whitney and vergil #anyWAY DON'T LOOK AT ME Y'ALL ARE AWESOME AND I'M GONNA GO CRY NOW BYEEEEE #long post /#gwenaellan

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katelides · 7 years

Text

One Shot 26

@rejection-isnt-failure

Promt Yes yes yes yes. I've read this so many times my friend. High school aus are amazing, especially when cheerleading and other sports are concerned!! Amazing!! Can you continue doing this type of au? ❤❤ Ooooh. Could we also maybe have a prequel, where Beca gets up the nerve to ask Chloe out?! Ie. Where Beca first sees Chloe and makes an idiot out of herself because she has a crush, but maybe Chloe has a bf on the basketball team, which is why she initially tries out before finding out she's really good at it... and Chloe finds herself charmed by Beca's attempts to talk to her... I dunno. You get my drift ;)

WHEN I READ THIS I OPENLY CRIED FOR AN HOUR!!! THIS IS THE CUTEST THING THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST 2 WEEKS! I COULD NOT NOT WRITE THIS AS SOON AS I GOT THIS SOOOO HERE WE GO

find previous one shots on ff.net or AO3

One Shot 26:

Beca is nervously pacing in the locker-room. She had told the rest of the girls to go and warm up and that she would join them in a minute. She has been thinking of telling Chloe about her feelings for her but the fear of losing her forever kind of puts a hold on that. The redhead had been one of her best friends since they were little kids and her feelings had grown over the years and she always pushed them down. But she couldn’t do it anymore, she has to tell her.

The brunette is so deep in thought that she doesn’t hear the door open nor does she see Aubrey and Stacie walk in. “Beca? Are you alright?” Stacie’s voice sounds worried as she watches her tiny friend freeze in shock. “W-what are you doing here?” Aubrey rolls her eyes in annoyance. “We came looking for you when the team ran in but you weren’t with them. Chloe got worried.” At the mention of the redhead’s name Beca tenses. “What’s going on? Why are you being so weird?”

Beca mumbles something inaudible. “Ok, what did you just say? I didn’t get that.” The short brunette takes a deep breath before answering Aubrey’s question. “I like Chloe, like I like-like her.” Beca cringes at how weird and pathetic that just sounded. “Freaking finally!” Stacie shouts throwing her hands up. “What are you still doing here? Go and tell her.” Aubrey adds pointing at the door. “You really think I should?” The two girls roll their eyes. “I swear to god Mitchell, if you don’t go out there and tell her how you feel I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Relax Posen, I want to tell her but I also want to do something special?” The longer she talks the more insecure she gets. “What were you thinking about doing?” Stacie asks genuinely interested. “If I want this to work I’ll need help and I mean all the cheerleaders, I’ll talk to the team and maybe we can make it happen during the finals.” Aubrey nods. “Of course we’ll help you out with whatever you need.”

Beca puts up a nervous smile. “Relax Mitchell, she’ll say yes. Trust us.” Aubrey nods in affirmation before pushing the two brunette’s out of the locker-room. “Let’s go, we need to get to practice. And you need to train your team so we can claim another victory this year.”

The three girls walk into the gym. Aubrey and Stacie slam into Beca when she suddenly stops. “What the hell?” Stacie wants to shake the tiny captain but stops when she sees what Beca is looking at. They are watching Chloe getting hit on by Tom. He’s a senior and it was no secret that the older guy had a crush on their redheaded friend. And apparently he said something funny and Chloe is laughing out loud. The girls watch as the tall basketball player leans in and kisses Chloe on her cheek. The two cheerleaders watch as Beca tenses up right before their eyes. “Beca-“

“I’m fine… I’ll be alright.” Beca shakes her head. “Team huddle up!” Beca runs off towards her co-captain Jesse and ignores everything else around her. “Bree, please tell me that everything Chloe told you about Beca was real because if any of it was a joke I’m not sure… I’m not sure how this is going to end well.” Aubrey looks at her girlfriend, then at her best friend and then at Beca. “Chloe has always had feelings for Beca, and right now I’m going to talk some sense into our cheer captain.”

Stacie watches Aubrey walk over to Chloe. The tall brunette looks over to Beca and their eyes meet. Stacie waves her over. Beca hesitates for a brief moment but decides to join her best friend anyway. “Before you get mad or walk away please hear me out.” Beca rolls her eyes but waits for the speech she knows will come. “I have an idea, at the finals game during halftime we can plan something huge for you to ask Chloe out. She won’t be able to say no.”

“And what do you suppose we do huh? By the time we do it it’ll be too late.” Stacie groans. “Have some faith, we’ll get the teams together today after school and plan the perfect surprise.” Beca lets out a sigh. “Fine but how do we get Chloe away from the team?” Stacie smirks. “Leave that to me.” Just at that moment Jesse runs up to them. “Talking about a perfect opportunity… Hey Jesse, I need a favor.”

Stacie quickly explains the situation and Jesse and the co-captain grin at his tiny friend. “Sure, no problem, anything for my favorite girls.” Beca hits Jesse against his shoulder. “Alright lets go we have teams to train… Thank you for everything you guys.” The three high-five and Stacie quickly joins the rest of the girls. So all

Both basketball teams and the cheerleaders are sitting outside on the grass. Well, everyone except for Chloe, Jesse and Tom. “So if I get this straight you want us to get all of this ready by the finals in 2 weeks?” One of the cheerleaders asks incredulously. “If we all pitch in we can make it work.” Aubrey says. “Well, I guess it’s the least we can do for our amazing captains and friends.” A girl from the basketball teams says with a little whoop at the end.

Beca chuckles at the cheers following. “Hey what are you guys cheering about?” Chloe’s bubbly voice finds its way to the group. “Chloe… uhm-uhm-uhm…” Beca is starting to panicking and everyone is starting to notice so they try to help out by shouting anything that springs to mind.

“Nothing”

“You”

“Just talking”

“Love”

“Memories”

“The game”

Before it can get out of hand Aubrey shushes the group. “What they are trying to say is… we were talking about how amazing the final is going to be in two weeks.” Chloe raises her brow in confusion. “Uhm are you all ok? You’re acting weird.” Beca jumps up with a slightly forced laugh. “Whaaaat? Nooo,” Aubrey rolls her eyes at the high pitched brunette waving her arms around. “everything is fine, right guys?”

Chloe laughs at the brunette’s antics. “Relax, I believe you Becs.” Beca awkwardly scratches the back of her neck. “I don’t know about you guys but I need to study for a test so I’m going home.” One by one the others follow Stacie’s lead and slowly the only people left are Beca, Chloe, Jesse and Tom. “Hey Chlo do you want to go and study together?” Tom asks with an unusually large smirk. Beca’s face falls and she prepares for the hard sting that’s going to follow when Chloe accepts.

“Actually Beca and I always study for our tests together and I am having some trouble with math and she knows how to explain things to me.” Beca tries to stifle a laugh when she picks up Tom’s scowl. “I mean only if that’s ok with you?” Chloe turns around to face the brunette with a soft smile. “Of course, I would never let you down.”

Not in a million year Beca could ever say no to the adorableness that’s Chloe Beale. “Great, can we go get some take out on our way? My parents are out tonight and we have no food.” Beca quickly agrees and takes Chloe’s bag from her because she always does. All Chloe can do is smile and peck Beca on the cheek because arguing about it is a lost cause.

-,-,-,-,-

2 WEEKS LATER

The game is about to start and Beca is freaking out internally. She’s going over the plays with the rest of the team. “Alright, we’re going to rock this. BHS Bulldogs on 3… ONE-TWO-BULDOGS WHOE WHOE WHOE!” The team gets cheered on even more by their awesome cheer squad. That’s the last push the team needs before running out on the field.

The game has been really intense since the very beginning. The score is tight until the break when the opponents knock Beca down so they can steal the ball when the buzzer sounds. The team quickly makes their way towards their captain on the floor. “Are you ok?” One of the girls asks slightly panicked. “I’m fine but that was a dirty trick.” The brunette grunts when she gets up. “Hey I don’t want to be a spoilsport but if you want to get that surprise going you should get ready.”

“Oh shoot yeah you’re right.” Beca makes her way to the side line so she can give Aubrey and Stacie a sign. They get the clue and take Chloe down while Beca makes her way to the manager who is totally in on the plan. Music starts playing and the whole field gets extremely quiet. Chloe is just confused, she recognizes the song because it’s one of her favorites.

Her heart stops for a moment when she hears the sweet voice that can only belong to one person. The person she has been crushing on forever. The one person she couldn’t live without. “Beca?”

I wanna follow where she goes I think about her and she knows it I wanna let her take control 'Cause everytime that she gets close, yeah

She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing And maybe I should stop and start confessing Confessing, yeah

Beca makes herself fully visible so she can really see Chloe’s reaction to everything. The girls from the cheer squad make their way down and start dancing to the beat.

Oh, I've been shaking I love it when you go crazy You take all my inhibitions Baby, there's nothing holding me back You take me places that tear up my reputation Manipulate my decisions Baby, there's nothing holding me back There's nothing holding me back There's nothing holding me back

She says that she's never afraid Just picture everybody naked She really doesn't like to wait Not really into hesitation

Pulls me in enough to keep me guessing And maybe I should stop and start confessing Confessing, yeah

The boys from the other Barden University Basketball team run out and join is as best as they can.

Beca is standing on the middle of a perfectly formed circle while Aubrey and Stacie lead Chloe toward her. The redhead is gently crying with a huge smile plastered on her face.

'Cause if we lost our minds and we took it way too far I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright 'Cause if we lost our minds and we took it way too far But I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright

Chloe has no idea when the girls had broken the circle – who would blame her, she’s mesmerized by the most amazing girl in the world – to come back with huge boards with the words ‘WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?’ being spelled out.

The song ends and Beca sheepishly smiles at the redhead before her. She drops her arm that’s holding the microphone. “Sooooo,” Beca drags out awkwardly. “I guess the signs kind of speak for me but… Chloe Anne Beale will you go out on a date with me?”

Chloe stays extremely quiet and Beca starts panicking. The brunette takes a few steps back preparing herself to bolt if Chloe turns her down. Aubrey and Stacie see this happening so step up and stop her. “Chloe?” Aubrey questions her best friend. “Beca I-I would be honored…” the redhead runs forward and leaps into the brunette’s arms, wrapping her arms around her neck to pull her in for a long, tight hug. The field erupts in loud cheers and the girls break apart with huge smiles.

The announcer clears his throat hesitantly. “I’m really sorry folks, I hate to interrupt this wonderful moment but we have a game to play.” Beca looks up to the booth and waves at the guy to show him it’s ok. Chloe pecks Beca on the lips whispering “Go win this game.”

With a new found boost Beca pumps her fist up. “Let’s go team.” The teams all go to their initial places. The basketball girls on the field, the basketball boys sitting on the bleachers and the cheerleaders making their way to the side to cheer even louder for their team.

-,-,-,-,-

30 seconds left on the clock and the score is 99 – 98 and the BHS Bulldogs are losing by one point. Beca is open wide and gets passed the ball.

15 seconds left on the clock. The brunette still has to get to the other side of the field but it’s going to be a very tight stretch.

8 seconds left on the clock. She decides to make a run for it but the opposing team does not make it easy for her.

3 seconds left, Beca’s far behind the three point line and the shot is risky and maybe too far away. Now or never… Beca takes the risk, and shoots.

2 seconds… the ball travels through the air.

1 seconds… the ball hits the ring.

The buzzer sounds the end of the game but no one makes a sound, no one even dares to take a breath. The ball goes around the ring once… twice… thr-

Beca’s world freezes and she doesn’t hear the loud cheers erupting from the crowd. She gets crushed by her team and the rest of the high school teams. They won only 2 points difference but they still won. The brunette gets lifted up by the boys. Chloe is beaming right up to her. Beca taps the boys on their shoulders to let her down which they quickly comply to.

The brunette gets tapped on her shoulder before she can reach Chloe. She turns around and is being offered the cup by the team captain of the opposing team. “Great game you guys are amazing opponents.” She takes the cup and holds out her hand so the two captains can shake on it. “Not so bad yourself can’t wait to see what you have in store next year.” The two girls part with smiles and no hard feelings.

Beca finally gets to turn around to face the redhead she’s been waiting to hug. “Hey…” Chloe looks down at her shoes, looking extremely adorable. “Hey…” Beca chuckles. Stacie rolls her eyes and can’t take it. “Oh for crying out loud Beca, just kiss her already.” Beca cups Chloe’s cheek to make her look up, straight into her eyes searching for a sign from the girl that she might not want to be kissed. But luckily her smile only grows wider. They both lean in to press their lips against the other’s.

It feels like thousands for butterflies just escaped their bodies and fireworks are being lit around them. They thought it something like this would only happen in movies but boy were they wrong. They don’t want to break apart but have too, seeing that they’re still surrounded by way too many people.

Life couldn’t get sweeter for our two high school basketball and cheerleading captains. And it would only get better.

I DO NOT OWN PITCH PERFECT!

FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR FOR SNEEK PEAKS FOR UPCOMING CHAPTERS –katelides

Let me know what you think, feedback is always fun to have :D

#fanfiction #bechloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #high school au #prompt #one shot #Pitch Perfect #pitch perfect 2 #pitch perfect 3 #last call pitches

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whydontweband · 7 years

Text

First Flight Home- A Daniel Seavey Imagine

Masterlist

Why Don’t We Imagine

*As Requested by @love-giselle*

Word Count: 6362

Have a lovely day!

Description: Inspired by and based off the song “First Flight Home” by Jake Miller.

“Hey

I’ve been gone forever,

I’m coming home tonight

We’ll be back together this plane gon’ fly

I can’t predict the weather

But you should know that I

I’ll be on the first flight home.”

Daniel

The in-studio audience cheered in a manufactural manner, smiling and waving signs with every question the T.V. host asked us. Not a lot of the questions were directed at the music, the thing we were supposed to be known for, they were almost all pertaining to our love lives, or the styling products we used in our hair. Which, I had to admit, was nothing new- but every now and then it’d be nice to talk about something other than girls and hair pomade. The hostess smiled, her blinding white teeth casting an eerie glow about her face as she strained a laugh at one of Jack’s anecdotes- an anecdote our publicist had told us we should tell whenever possible because it “made us relatable and quirky to the fanbase”. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d made an anecdote or joke sequence that hadn’t been pre-approved by our agency, then again, I couldn’t remember the last time someone genuinely wanted to know our musical inspirations in life, or our sound evolution and what it meant to us. I sighed, internalizing my frustrations as the ever-dreaded question rung like a sour note in my ears.

“So, I’m sure you get asked this question ALL THE TIME, BUTTTTTTTTT- WHO HERE IS SINGLE?” The hostess cooed, her loud, shrill voice enough to make me physically cringe as I forced a smile, casually brushing off her comment as though we didn’t get asked about our relationship status…on a daily basis.

“Ohhhh yeah!” I chuckled, shaking my head softly as I glanced over towards the other guys. They all smiled, chuckling lightly as they looked between each other, doing their best to not vomit on stage from the legitimate disgust this question evoked within all of us.

“Which of us are single?” I inquired innocently enough, as though I didn’t already know the answer. Corbyn was taken, he’d been with Christina forever, and she’s become a loved and accepted part of the fanbase since the beginning. Our publicists didn’t mind letting the fans know that he was in a relationship, since the fans seemed to love Christina, and she had her own fanbase. Mostly because she had her own fanbase- apparently it was great PR having a popular boy band member date a popular beauty guru. Zach, Jonah and Jack were single, for real, and then there was me. The complicated one, the one the publicists hated dealing with because I never liked the answer they told me to give.

“I’m single.” Zach smiled, sending a charming smirk towards the cameras. Jack nodded, raising his hand in agreement.

“I’m single.”

“Gonna have to side with Zach and Jack on this one, I’m single.” Jonah smiled. A few fans from the audience shrieked delightedly every time one of us announced we were single. Corbyn smiled, shaking his head as the hostess gestured for him to answer. Corbyn raised his hands up, as though he were admitting defeat, smiling cheekily as he replied.

“Taken.” Most of the fans “awed” at this, cooing in unison about how much they loved Christina. I was glad that, at least for Corbyn’s sake, he could be honest and upfront about his relationship, even if we all knew management only really accepted it because Christina had her own following.

“There ya go, the full inside scoop.” I teased, smiling and nodding curtly. I’d been hoping our hostess garbed in an ill-fitting, swamp green pencil dress and heels that looked like they could stab me wouldn’t press me to answer. I was wrong, as per usual.

“And what about you, Daniel? Any special lady in your life at the moment, or are you still looking for that perfect somebody?” She tutted, her eyes giving me a knowing look as she urged me to answer. I internally rolled my eyes, laughing outwardly as I took a deep breath. It never got easier. We’d been doing this for a couple years now, amassing an unreal following, and an undying amount of love and support. Our fans were such amazing people, and they cared so much. Part of me liked it better when it was just us and them, without the corporate cogs who keep trying to ruin our lives, for the sake of money. It never used to be about the money, or worrying about what would sell. It never used to be about lying.

“Single.” I muttered, flashing a small smile as I sent a few polite waves to the fans who screamed from their seats in the audience. The hostess laughed, egging the fans on a bit more about how they still had a chance with 4/5 of us. We laughed at this, as we’d be trained to do, and shared a few more story’s from life on tour, and who our current celebrity crushes were. But as we continued on with the interview, leaving the relationship question in the past, breezed by so quickly, too quickly, all I could do was muster a smile as I fiddled with the small decorative ring that hung from a string around my neck. It wasn’t very noticeable, and it was almost always tucked underneath my shirt, kept out of sight and out of mind, but it was there. It sat comfortably against my baby blue button-down shirt, the silver metal glimmering softly against the stage lights. As I clutched it in my fingers, running my index finger along the edge, I closed my eyes for just a moment as I felt the ridges of the engraving against my skin.

“Wherever I go I’m taking you. Yours Always, Leah”.

After the interview and fan questions that seemed to go on for an eternity, they’d shuffled us off the stage and into a limo that was waiting for us out the back entrance. We filed in, sending a few last waves and blown kisses towards a handful of fans that had managed to find the quasi-secret limousine entrance. When the doors had finally closed behind us, tinted windows and thick black leather seats separating us from the rest of the world, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

“Damned button up- it’s suffocating me!” Jonah screeched, not hesitating to tear the careful fabric from his body, grabbing a plain gray t-shirt that he’d stashed under the seats and throwing it on leniently. We all chuckled, not wasting time before removing unwanted articles of clothing, swapping them out for comfort clothing we’d hid in the limo before the interview. Corbyn smiled, gesturing for us to be quiet as he grabbed his phone from his back pocket.

“Guys, guys- shut up. Christina’s calling.” We all smirked, teasing him playfully as he brushed it off, answering the phone in his ‘boyfriend’ voice.

“Hey babe!” He cooed. We rolled our eyes at how cute they were together, though I’m fairly certain most to the eyerolls were out of jealousy. At least Corbyn had someone special in his life who he could be corny with, unlike the other guys.

“You saw the interview?…Yeah!….Did you see me wave to you on camera?…No way, you taped it!?” He was off in his own world at this point, which the other guys teased him for, but strangely enough I got it. I got all of it, I had someone like that.

I listened intently as he went on and on with her, laughing and talking about the interview, and all the cute subtle signals he’d given her without the cameramen noticing. That part always made me jealous, in a way I’d hoped I’d never have to be. I never wanted to be jealous because someone could do something that I couldn’t, something that was out of my control. It wasn’t out of my control though, not really. It was media owned-and-operated, which was bad enough, but at the end of the day they didn’t control it. They didn’t control my relationship. They didn’t control Leah.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll talk to you later babe. I love you too! Say hi to your parents for me!…No! I love you more!…No, you know I love you more!”

“I’m gagging.” Jack teased, rolling his eyes as I chuckled half-heartedly. Corbyn shoved Jack jokingly.

“One of you, hang the hell up!” Zach shouted. Corbyn stuck his tongue out at him, to which Zach only sighed, snatching Corbyn’s phone out of his hand.

“Hey, give it back! Christina! Christina, can you hear me!? Zach stole my phone, baby!” Zach laughed hysterically, holding the phone out of Corbyn’s reach as he shoved him away playfully.

“You’re too codependent, Cor- this needs to stop! Jack’s gonna puke!” Jack nodded, mimicking vomit motions as Corbyn rolled his eyes, trying desperately to get his phone back as Zach put it to his ear.

“Sorry Christina, Corbyn needs to go now, he’s being kidnapped by evil pirate ghosts and they want to take all of our phones! Oh no! They say they’ll only let us go if he hang up the phone?! Well, ok, talk to ya later, Christina! We have to go fight some evil pirate ghosts, byyyyyyyyeeee!!” Zach rambled, laughing hysterically as he hung up the phone abruptly, sending Jack and Jonah into an uncontrollable riot of laughter. Corbyn’s mouth hung agape as he began smacking Zach’s shoulder playfully.

“Stop, you brat!” He laughed, smacking the others for laughing at his expense. I smiled, shaking my head softly as I pulled my own phone out from my back pocket.

0 New Messages

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I opened up my texts, clicking on recent conversation, that wasn’t that recent at all, actually.

To: Banana LEAHpublic

- Hi

- I miss you

It felt dumb sending it, it was such an impersonal statement, but it felt even more dumb to send something light and cheery, as though she hadn’t watched the interview. She watched every single one of our interviews.

–

Leah To: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- I love you too, Danny

I felt a pink tinge wash over my cheeks as I sent the reply- I never got used to telling him how I felt, even after all this time. Sighing, I ran a hand through my dark hair, fiddling absentmindedly with a strand as I watched my phone screen propped up against my bed, the bright light contrasting nicely with the storm going outside my bedroom window.

From: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- How do you always know what I’m thinking, even before I think it??

I smiled at this, shaking my head as I typed out a response.

- Danny, I know you love me

- You don’t have to say it for me to know

I knew he knew I was talking about the interview. Of course I’d watched it, I watched all of their interviews. Even if I had classes when they were on, I recorded every single one. It made him feel closer, somehow. And I didn’t mind that he couldn’t talk about our relationship, even though I know how much it bothers him. It was always understood that we couldn’t disclose information about our relationship to the public, having a paparazzi kind of love was never in the cards for us. I know that bothered him sometimes, because keeping me out of the spotlight meant sacrificing other aspects of our life- like honesty. We’d been together since before the band took off, and we’d been friends since before American Idol. We grew up together, which really only meant that our lives were more entwined than what his management was comfortable with. The closer we were, the harder the fall would be if we ever broke up, the harder the fans would take it, the harder the backlash would be. This had been explained to us from day one- but nevertheless, it was always nice to escape from that reality, if even for a moment. It was nice to, every now and then, be more than the mysterious giver of the strange ring necklace that Daniel never took off (fans never caught on, but that hasn’t stopped them from theorizing). It was nice to remember that, no matter what, we were still those two kids from Portland who fell in love during a horrible rainstorm.

From: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- I love you, jeLEAH bean

- But you already know that 😊

- Yea, I already knew- afterall, I’m pretty much the coolest 😉

- But it never hurts to hear, Danimal cracker

From: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- Pretty much, as in, second coolest

- SECOND TO ME

- Hey Leah, do you ever read back through our texts and think- wow, our nicknames are gross

I chuckled, shaking my head as I scrunched up my nose. Truthfully, all the time. We’d bonded over our love of puns back in the fourth grade, and from then on there really wasn’t any turning back. It wasn’t exactly our fault that Leah and Dan can be substituted for pretty much anything.

- Not even once- jelly beans and animal crackers will never NOT be delicious

- Hey Danny, I gotta go…term paper due soon and I gotta study. I’ll text you l8tr if I get a break, otherwise, have a great night and sleep well, mkay?

This was always the worst part of the conversation, the end. The truth was that I’d finished my term paper about an hour ago, and I didn’t have any urgent studying that needed my attention at this very moment. I always did this, a way of saving face I suppose. I let myself be the one in the relationship that always had to leave the conversation first, because Daniel was always too kind and too selfless to ever hang up first. The truth was, we could talk for hours- and we so often did. Not much anymore, granted, but I treasured the conversations we had more than anything. But he works so hard to live the life he has, and do what he loves doing with his best friends, I could never stand in the way of that. It was easier if he thought I was busy, that way he could focus and do what he needed to do. Maybe that made him upset with me occasionally, for always bailing on the conversation early, but I didn’t mind so much if he was a little upset with me, because I knew it was for the best. His life’s so busy already, I didn’t need to add to it.

From: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- Nooo, pls don’t go Leah

- I miss you so much, you have no idea

I sighed, burying my face in my hands momentarily before shaking it off. He has more important things to do than talk to you. You always knew this was the price you’d pay for loving a star, the price never changed. Everyone told you it’d be tough, it’s not meant to be easy, Leah. Easy was never guaranteed.

- We can talk a little tonight, mkay? I super duper pinky promise

- I love youuuuu Danny Boi, you’re the (second) coolest person in the Western Hemisphere

From: DANbercrombie and Fitch

- yeah ok

- Umm, excuse me, FIRST COOLEST…and what’s all this about the western hemisphere? I’m the coolest in the universe!

I smiled, wishing more than anything that I could hear his laugh, the way his mouth spread into a large, appreciative grin, and his teeth sparkled in the sunlight. His laugh was like an angel, and it made telling silly jokes worth it every single time. To be there and hear his laugh, oh the things I’d give.

- Yeah yeahhh, first coolest- in the galaxy, how about that?

- I gotta go, I love you Daniel

- Do amazing, keep working, stay positive

I bit down on my lip as I sent the final message before turning off my phone, the message I always sent before leaving. I hoped that maybe I could at least leave him with words of encouragement. He said one day he wanted to get them tattooed along his ribs, which was flattery enough at the very idea, though I doubt management would ever let him. That’s ok though, it’s like I said- the thought itself is flattering enough.

I smiled, reading back through old conversations and scanning through photos from years ago, back when it didn’t matter what lighting we used, or what filter we edited with, or what clothes we were wearing.

I didn’t miss those days, they’re in the past, and the past can’t be reversed. But god, how I wish I could relive just one of those days.

–

Daniel

I’d been holding onto the hope that I’d get to FaceTime Leah later tonight, but it was already 11pm and we were still at the studio. I’d texted her a couple hours ago, and a sad little part of me actually hoped she’d get mad so I’d have an excuse to call her. She didn’t of course, because she was the most supportive person in the world. I knew she’d always hang up first, just so I wouldn’t have to- even though she didn’t think I’d caught on. Even though I hated the ends of our conversations, I could always feel my cheeks tinge red when she’d not-so subtly offer to leave, because it was her telling me she loved me in her own little way. She loved me enough to let me live my dream, even though it meant we couldn’t be together all that often. I sighed, running a hand through my hair absentmindedly as our producer stepped into the room.

“Alright, that’s a wrap on today’s tracklist, guys! Great work today.” The guys broke into exasperated cheers, falling to the floor from mock exhaustion. I laughed, following suit as the producer smiled, rolling his eyes as he waved us off.

“Yeah yeah, we work you to death- I know. Listen, you guys go home, get some rest, relax a bit. I’ll give management a call when we need you back in for photoshoots, alright? Until then, lay low and don’t go too far.” We all nodded in happy agreement, ecstatic at the very idea of getting a solid 8 hours of sleep.

“Alright, who took what cars here?” Jonah inquired after a few minutes of picking our weary bodies up off the floor. Corbyn raised a hand nonschalantly, grabbing a water bottle from the vending machine in the hallway as we made our way towards the lobby.

“Jack, Zach and I stopped for Mexican on the way, so we’re all in one car.” Jonah nodded, gesturing towards them as we entered the parking garage.

“Cool, I caught an Uber here so I’ll ride back with you guys. You need a lift, Daniel?” I’d been in completely zoned out, fiddling with the ring on my necklace and trying to remember the sound of a voice I’d lost the exact pitch of a long time ago when Jonah’s voice registered with me. My eyes widened a bit, glancing toward him curiously before slowly shaking my head.

“Oh, ahh, no. I’m good. I’ll see you guys back at the house.” I muttered. Jonah raised a cautious eyebrow as the others made their way towards the car.

“You okay, bro?” I chewed on the inside of my lip, eyeing the concrete as I nodded.

“Yeah, just some stuff on my mind…think I need to drive it off, ya know?” Jonah sighed, nodding slowly as he gave me a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. His eyes met mine, and his gaze was serious.

“Do what you gotta do, man.” The words seemed simple, but I knew they were anything but. I smiled softly, nodding.

“Thanks…I will.” Jonah grinned, patting me on the back once more before sending me a comforting wink, turning and walking off towards the already rumbling car. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, sighing as I unlocked the drivers side door to the car I’d driven here.

Do what you gotta do. The words echoed in my head as I sat in silence a while longer, staring out at the dark, devoid parking garage. Igniting the engine, I pulled out of my parking space, making my way to ground level as I veered out onto the illuminated street. Most of the traffic had dissipated as I watched the distant golden headlights reflect against the damp asphalt of the highway, and somehow I couldn’t get my mind off her. Her. The girl of my dreams, the only girl I’d ever loved, the only girl I ever wanted to love. It was probably cheesy and overly sentimental, which was always something she chided me for being, but it was the truth. She was everything to me and, whether she’d admit it or not, I didn’t treat her right. At least not the way she deserved, because Leah deserved the world. She deserved someone who treated her the way she treated other people- always putting their needs above her own. She deserved someone who would make sacrifices for her. Running a shaking hand through my hair, watching as the veer in the road for downtown L.A. and the airport bounded towards me.

Do what you gotta do.

Without a second thought, I veered right, onto the on-ramp that directed all traffic towards LAX. When I hit a stop light, I quickly pulled out my phone, speed dialing Jonah’s number. It went to voicemail, but I left a rushed message as I held the phone between my ear and shoulder, pulling into the still bustling front parking area of the airport.

“Hey man, I’m not gonna make it home tonight, I’ve got something important to take care of. I’m safe, don’t worry. I’ll text you when I can, and tell management to chill the hell out, I’ll be back. I just…I need to do this. Love you, bro.” Clicking end on the voicemail, I parked the dark range rover I’d driven here in a general parking space, not caring about the fine as I dashed towards the main entrance. I didn’t have anything with me, save my phone and wallet, but I didn’t need anything. I just needed to be there, with her. Pushing my way past crowds of exhausted, jetlagged people, I made my way to the front desk.

“When’s your first flight out to Portland?” I asked hurriedly to the woman working behind the desk register. She eyed me warily, before punching a few keys into her desktop computer.

“We have a flight leaving in…7 minutes, sir.” A smile larger than I knew possible broke out onto my face as I nodded hurriedly.

“Great, great- I need on it.” I rambled, pushing my debit card across the counter at her. She raised a cautious eyebrow.

“Sir, it’s not advised to book a flight on such short notice without-” I rolled my eyes, waving her off.

“Listen,” I scanned over her American Airlines nametag, “Melinda- I need to get on that flight, ok? It’s kind of super, super important that I get on that flight. I’m not a serial killer, I’m not a psycho, I’m just a kid trying to get home to his girlfriend, ok? And it’s kind of super super important that I do that now, because she means everything to me, and she sacrifices so much so I can live my dream and I never see her anymore and I miss her like crazy and even though she’s the most amazing, selfless person in the world I just know she’ll find someone better eventually and she’ll forget all about me and I can’t let that happen because I love her so for the love of God would you please just let me buy a ticket!?” I screeched. Melinda looked rather taken aback, but her eyes softened slightly as she sighed, swiping my card and punching in a few extra numbers into her system.

“ID?” I breathed a sigh of relief, smiling as I took it out from my wallet. She glanced at it, looking back at me as though to confirm that I was who I said.

“Daniel Seavey?” She repeated off the ID card. I smiled, nodding.

“Born and raised.” I smiled as she handed me back my ID, card and a blue and white ticket, shaking he head softly. I stood still a moment longer, looking to her as though waiting for something. She smiled ever so slightly, rolling her eyes as she gestured for me to move.

“Well? What the hell are you standing here for?! You’ve got a plane to catch!” I snapped into action, laughing as I nodded quickly waving appreciatively in her direction as I bolted towards the gates.

I’m coming, Leah.

Leah

2am. It was 2am, and I was still awake. I wanted to believe that it was the inevitable result of my odd college sleep schedule mixed with the nerves of exams- but somehow those weren’t the thoughts that made my stomach churn.

It’ll never be the way it used to be…not ever again. Your dreams got in the way of your relationship- it was a choice you both made. He wanted to do music, you wanted to do school…and it’s tearing you apart.

The dark depths of my mind echoed over and over again, raining down on my already dampened mood with the one thought that never really left my mind- because it was the ultimate truth.

It’ll never be the way it used to be.

It wasn’t a decision I regretted, I could never possibly regret going to college, or encouraging Daniel to follow his dreams. He deserved the entire universe, and to him that was music. But it never really changed the fact that, somewhere along the way, we’d changed. And I knew that was inevitable, and I wouldn’t do it differently if given the chance, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt. It hurt knowing that the days of sitting on my porch swing for hours on end, watching the shadows on the lawn and talking about absolutely nothing- were over. It hurt knowing that we’d never get to spend as much time together as we’d ever like, and it as much as I hated to admit it, it hurt that I wasn’t a part of his public life. I nearly gagged just thinking about it, remembering how I promised myself I’d never become one of those clingy girlfriends who demanded attention. That wasn’t why it bothered me, I didn’t want the attention or notoriety. It was just this residual feeling of not being enough, every time I heard him utter those same words on every single interview or talk show.

“I’m single.” I’d never admit it out loud, but it never really stopped sucking. I knew he hated saying it too, I knew it was just for the media and appearances, but it still sucked. It sucked going out with friends on Saturday night and having them try to set you up with random guys they found in the club because they’re “concerned with how single I am”. I had to admit, part of it was morbidly hilarious, but at the end of the day it was mostly exhausting.

I don’t need things to go back to the way they were, I just wanted something. Anything. A part of him that wasn’t through our phone screens or laptop cameras.

Daniel

The plane ride to Portland wasn’t technically that long, but it felt like it took a million years. The instant the plane landed, I’d bolted from my seat, dodging fellow passengers and jumping waiting area chairs as I sprinted towards the escalator. My phone buzzed for what seemed like the hundredth time since exiting the plane, forwarding another missed call to my voicemail box which I proceeded to ignore. I chose to delete the voicemail notifications, instead calling an Uber to pick me up outside the airport.

Management hadn’t stopped calling, the boys were texting me more than they ever had before, and someone must’ve told my parents because both of them had left flustered and panicked voicemails when I was back at the terminal in L.A.

I made my way down the flights of escalators, finally making contact with the large sliding glass doors of the Portland airport entrance, the cool night air hitting my tired skin as I took a deep exhausted breath. Somehow, even in my exhaustion, there was an air of calm to the situation, as though everything was going to be alright.

I stood outside for a few minutes, soaking up the brisk Portland night, before my black sedan Uber arrived. Getting in hastily and giving the driver my directions, I took a moment to scan through my missed messages, sending out a single video message to everyone who’d been worried. I sighed, ruffling through my hair as I held up my phone to record the message. At least this way they’d know I hadn’t been kidnapped, and maybe they wouldn’t worry quite as much.

“Hey,” I smiled, waving softly towards the camera as I ran a hand through my hazel brown hair and adjusting my dark hoodie in frame.

“I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for scaring you, I promise I really am ok. I’m not in L.A. right now, I’m taking a quick break…there’s some stuff that I’ve been putting off for a long time and…umm, I just realized that that wasn’t cool of me.” I took a deep breath, staring down at my shoes momentarily as I thought about everything I’d been through with Leah. I couldn’t keep putting our relationship on the backburner, she meant everything to me- and I needed to treat her that way.

“I’ll be back soon, refocused and ready to work. I just…needed to do this, I hope you understand. Peace.” I held up a peace sign to the camera, smiling before ending the video and sending it off.

I just needed to get through the rest of this night, and everything would be ok. I’d be with Leah, and everything would be ok.

“Turn right here.” I gestured towards the driver as he nodded, pulling the car up into the driveway of a house that felt like my own. I knew every inch of the yard, all the best secret hide-outs, the coolest tree perchs for bird-watching. I’d practically grown up here, on that front porch swing, with Leah by my side.

“Thanks, man.” I smiled, waving and exiting the car, watching it pull out of the driveway and off into the night. And then, just like that, it was so real. I couldn’t help but smile, letting it spread contagiously across my face from ear to ear, and letting out a laugh of excitement and relief.

I was home. And maybe it wasn’t the house I took my first steps in, or the house I’d called my own, but it was home. It was home…because she was home.

Walking towards the house, I glanced up towards the window on the second story, noticing a soft light was still on. She couldn’t sleep either. Smiling, I pulled out my phone which was, at this point in the evening, running on low battery. Ever so silently in the midst of the pitch black night, illuminated only by the street lamp at the end of her driveway, I texted her a message.

To: Banana LEAHpublic

- Hey

- You awake?

It only took a few moments before she replied.

- Nah. I went to sleep ages ago. What’re you doing up, you should be resting. I know how long recording went, you must be wiped

I smiled, shaking my head.

- Like I said earlier, I missed you

- Hey Leah?

- Yeah Danny?

- When was the last time you sat on our porch swing? 😊

I could practically hear her faint laugh from inside the house as she replied.

- Oh gosh, idk…it isn’t really the same sitting alone :/

- You should go sit on it, watch the stars. I bet they’re beautiful tonight.

- Dan, it’s like 3am…maybe tomorrow? And anyway, it kinda just bums me out sitting on it- that was our thing

- Just try it now, I promise it won’t bum you out. It’s like I’ll be right there with you. 😊

- …fiiiinne. But I’m telling you it’s not the same. Give me a second, I’ll facetime you when I get out there.

I smiled, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious of how exhausted I must’ve looked, attempting to straighten out my hair and clothes as I took a seat on our infamous porch swing. I sat a moment in silence before the porch light turned on, and my phone began ringing. It was Leah’s facetime.

I smiled, hitting the ignore button. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to settle for a two-dimensional version, because the real Leah would be right here. Just as I’d clicked the home screen on my phone, I heard the creek of the screen door open, a sleepy looking Leah stepping out onto the porch as she rubbed her eyes from the sudden light of the porch bulb. Her hair was tied up in a rushed attempt at a bun, and her feet adorned fluffy bunny slippers (the ones I’d gotten her for Christmas a couple years back). She hadn’t glanced towards me yet, and in a moment of forgetting the fact that she was completely unaware of my presence- I cleared my throat. In a heartbeat, she screamed, jumping higher than I knew she could. Her head spun towards me, the source of the noise, and she stumbled backwards in fright before getting her bairings. My eyes widened as I stepped towards her in concern, immediately forgetting the cool and calm composure I’d been planning on having when I first saw her. Looks like a lot of my plans weren’t going exactly as expected tonight.

“Ohmygod Leah are you ok? Oh my god that was a dumb idea, I just- I wasn’t sure how to start off and then I totally forgot how super creepy I was being and oh my god why did I do that you’re probably terrified now and-”

“DANIEL?!” Leah’s dark eyes widened to the size of saucers as I froze, instantly remembering that this was supposed to be a surprise, and that my rambling and creepy stalker vibe had completely ruined the atmosphere.

“Oh, right..umm, surprise?” I gestured, laughing slightly as she took a step forward, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Daniel…are you…am I dreaming?” She muttered, squinting around and rubbing at her still tired eyes. I laughed, taking a step towards her slowly so as not to startle her.

“Leah, I’m real. I’m..i’m here. “ I uttered softly. She stared at me curiously for a moment longer, before suddenly sprinting towards me. In an instant she was on me, legs wrapped around my waist as I stumbled backwards, laughing as I gripped onto her waist, her arms flung tightly around my neck as she buried her face in my neck.

“OH MY GOD….YOU’RE HERE!” She squealed, taking a moment to smack my shoulder as I laughed.

“Hey! I flew all the way out here to get hit?” I questioned teasingly. She rolled her eyes, wiping stray tears from her reddened cheeks as she beamed.

“Yeah! How dare you! You just,” She sniffled, “You just showed up here out of the blue! Like a crazy person! How’d this even happen!?” She inquired, laughing and crying all at the same time as I smiled, setting her down as I wiped the ears from her cheeks.

Leah

“I made it happen, for you. I’d make anything happen for you, Leah. And I know it doesn’t always seem that way, and I hate that I never get to see you or spend time with you anymore…but I needed you to know that I love you, ok? I love you, and I’d do anything to make you happy…” Daniel smiled, his eyes welling up as he wrapped his arms around me protectively. I squeezed my eyes shut, embracing him as I couldn’t help but cry into his dark hoodie that smelled amazing, despite sitting on a plane for hours.

“I can’t believe you, you asshole.” I laughed hysterically, smacking him repeatedly on the shoulder playfully as he laughed, pushing me softly.

“Yeah, well I’m your asshole so hush.” He teased. I rolled my eyes, smiling softly as I took a step closer.

“Danny, seriously…can you even be here right now? I mean, this is amazing, and I can’t even believe that you’re really here- but I know how busy you are and-” He smiled, holding a soft finger to my lips as he shook his head.

“Everything’s fine, I promise. I don’t have tons of time, a few days maybe? But it’s enough, ok? At least for right now. I promised you this wouldn’t happen when I left, and it did…and I’m sorry. Things are gonna be different from now on, Leah. I promise.” I blushed, shaking my head as I stared at the bunny slippers he’d picked out for me as a gift on Christmas. Everyone assumed it was a gag gift and teased him for not getting his girlfriend a “proper Christmas gift”, no one realized that it hadn’t been a gag gift, that’s just how well he knew me.

“I can’t believe you’re here for a few days, I can’t believe you’re here at all.” I smiled. He placed his fingers softly under my chin, tilting it up as he smiled, stepping closer.

“You’re my home, Leah.” Closing the gap between us, he pressed his lips to mine, both of us smiling into the kiss as I clasped my hands to his soft, cool cheeks.

And somehow, under the canopy of stars and brisk night air, with tear stained cheeks in pj’s and bunny slippers, I knew exactly what he meant- I was his home, and he was mine.

The End

A/N: I know it’s kinda cheesy I’m sorryyyy but I hope you liked it anyway maybe? I was feeling v fluffy while writing it and I’m just a big cheeseball but ily

#why dont we #wdw #daniel seavey #jonah marais #jack avery #zach herron #corbyn besson #why dont we imagines #why dont we band #music #fanfiction #imagine #fic #daniel seavey imagine #first flight home #jake miller

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missconduct · 7 years

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As Strong as Darth Vader

<p>“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.” (Yoda, 1980, The Empire Strikes Back). I usually don’t begin an essay with a quote but in this case I feel it’s important. My theory here is just a theory based on how I’ve viewed this story for 35 years. If you don’t agree it’s ok take it with a grain of salt, my friends in Star Wars fandom, because it’s not canon lol this is all in my head. I’m speculating how the story could go, and that’s part of the fun in this saga is speculation.<br>

The first time I heard they were making a new trilogy I cringed as a lot of people did fearing the worst for a story I love so much. I didn’t read spoilers, or cruise YouTube looking for theory videos. I barely watched the trailer. In fact all I saw of the trailer was a few glimpses of Finn wielding the blue saber (only because I was already a huge fan of John’s because of his character in Attack the Block). I stepped into this new world not knowing anything. I didn’t even know who Adam Driver was. I didn’t even know there was a girl protagonist in the movie. My canvas of TFA was blank.

As I watched the movie quite a few things caught me by surprise. I’ll quickly list them; Kylo as a villain, the interactions between Rey and Kylo (that’s a huge ass one), where the hell is Luke? The symbolism in the story as a whole, and my deepest one is Kylo’s obsession with his grandfather. As I watched the movie these things caught my attention because the rest of the story is (and I saw it admittedly) a re-play of the original trilogy (which I think was a strategy to play on the nostalgia of the original). It intrigued me intensely though because there were all these twists in it that were obviously not a copy cat of the original trilogy.

As I sat in the theater watching it for the first time the scene when Kylo is speaking to Darth Vader’s helmet began. I watched this clearly conflicted, confused, lost villain pleading with a dead man’s helmet to, “show him again, the power of the darkness.” I literally said in a whisper under my breath, “this doesn’t make any sense to me??? Vader’s greatest moment of triumph, his greatest strength was his ability to turn back to the light side. He chose to be good again, to do the right thing, to save his son, his family, from the darkness. Why would this mask show him anything dark???” I didn’t like it at first. The scene made me feel so sad. It was as if Vader’s sacrifice meant nothing at the end of ROTJ. Like his greatest moment was forgotten in this new world.

Then I saw this girl who I viewed as confused and lost as much as the villain was. Trying to come to grips with where her life was going. Should she stay and wait for her family? Should she finally accept whatever the truth was and move on? Then she hears a call. I thought it was interesting that the call was a little girls cries, almost as if her own loneliness were calling to her. She touches this long lost relic that once belonged to Anakin Skywalker, and her life takes a turn that is going to forever change her destiny.

I’ve watched Rey’s force vision way too many times to count and the 2 things that are consistent in them that stood out to me were 1: Kylo Ren, and 2: various voices from the past echoing through the force. Now a lot of people think that these past voices are the individuals speaking directly to her, but I didn’t see it like that. Even though Obi-Wan says her name, it’s more like the force is speaking to her through the echo of past force users. This is important because I’ll bring it up again later.

Through my journey with Rey, I saw her frightened and alone after the vision. I know Maz is trying to help her, but it might freak me out if someone had just made me come to the realization that my deepest fear was true. That I had to accept the people who were supposed to care about me and come back for me were never coming back. She’s afraid, she’s alone (Finn just abandoned her also. He’s leaving her to go to the outer rim territory.) She runs, and who does she run right into? Our strange lost Villain. At this point, I was really wanting to know who and what was under that mask. Remember spoiler free, didn’t even know who Adam Driver was.

Then he sweeps her away “Bridal carry” style onto his ship, abducting her! That had me on the edge is my seat because that whole scene had me trying to figure out where this was going. Was he a man under that mask ? Or a monster? Was this an endgame romance or a creepy stalker crush?

Then I witnessed the “interrogation scene.” This is the most important scene in the movie for me, and not for the reasons you might think. Yes, my jaw dropped and (despite my very good looking husband sitting right next to me ) I almost wet my pants when Kylo took off his mask. I turned to my daughter and whispered in an awestruck voice, “I think he’s the leading man. How about you?” My 13-year-old daughter’s reply, “omg mom, damn” and we laughed. Yes, there is a lot of incredibly hot, passionate, sexually charged shit going down in that scene! That’s not why it’s the most important scene for me. As I watched, this girl rise to the occasion and step up onto the equal ground with this boy, she said those famous words that helped me piece my headcanon puzzle together, “you, you’re afraid, that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader!”

Now a lot of people don’t pay much attention to this line. They simply think it’s just her calling him out on being a Darth Vader fanboy. Maybe the writers were going that direction, but I don’t think so. When I first heard that line I whispered under my breath “oooooooo that was deep.” And in my head it made sense. That was a huge foreshadowing of Ben solos redemption, and the part this girl is going to play in it. This part of the movie is what drew me deep into the story.

So I went back and saw the film 5 more times after that, in the theater. Then immediately pre- ordered my iTunes copy to be available for download as soon as it was available. I watched, and watched, and watched it again, and again. I could even watch it again today lol. It wasn’t enough. I kept wanting to know more. I started cruising and just looking through fan bases, but it looked like the things I wanted to talk about weren’t subjects that were well received, so I didn’t venture into joining or posting in any fan sites. Then I started cruising YouTube and came across this channel called Star Wars Connection and found a video titled, “Visual Storytelling in The Force Awakens.” Omg, these ladies understood me !!!! They understood everything I understood in the movie!!! And listening to them helped me develop my theory about Kylo’s redemption and the connection between Rey and Kylo-Ben.

During the second part of this outstanding podcast, they briefly talked about Luke’s journey into the cave on Dagobah. In that scene, Luke is confronted by Vader when he cuts his head off, and the helmet explodes revealing Luke’s own face within the mask. It got me thinking about Luke’s greatest fear and how it related to Kylo. They are similar but different. Luke’s greatest fear was falling to the Dark side and becoming just like his father. Kylo’s greatest fear is the (I hope this is the correct term) subverted version of Luke’s, that he will never be as Strong as Darth Vader, that he will never be like him. Is it possible that part of what went down between Luke and Kylo has something to do with this fact? This is all speculation but it got me thinking that if there are similarities between Anakin and Kylo, then wouldn’t there be similarities between Luke and Kylo also? When Luke sees his face in the mask it scares him. Kylo wants to see his face in the mask.

While thinking about Luke and Kylo it leads me to Rey. These three individuals are key to what this story really is about. It’s not about who Rey’s parents are or aren’t that is irrelevant. I’m sorry to all those anti-Reylo’s out there who are gunning for her to be a Skywalker or Solo but in my headcanon, she’s not. Her part in this story in my mind is clear. It was a passionately romantic love that started all this, and it will be a passionately romantic love that will end all of this.

Rey and Kylo have collided. I have seen a lot of speculation about whether or not they knew each other prior to their meeting on Takodana. Through all the speculation I’ve seen the only one that makes sense to me is that they have seen each other in dreams and visions. In the novelization, it even says that Rey knows this man from a dream or a nightmare. I believe she has had dreams of him her whole life. Which is why I think he smiles when he sees her image of an island. Anakin had dreams of people and future events, why can’t Rey. I believe Kylo has had dreams of her as well. In my headcanon dreams and visions are two different entities. A dream coming to you in your sleeping state, a vision coming to you through a waking moment through something else. Rey has visions of Kylo when she touches Anakin’s lightsaber in the castle. Is it possible that Kylo has had a similar vision of Rey? Someone speculated that maybe Kylo had Obi-Wan’s lightsaber somehow. (Thank you Rebel Scum Podcast for twisting my idea lol to present it as yours, but you got it all wrong) Kylo doesn’t need anyone’s light saber to have a vision of Rey. He has Anakin’s mask. Part of my speculation is that Vader/Anakin’s mask is Kylo’s transmitter for his force vision.

Now I know a lot of people probably think of Vader’s mask as a Completely Dark side relic. I’m sorry though I don’t see it that way. Remember I told you that the first time I saw the movie while watching this scene I kept thinking that the mask was more a representation and symbol of Vader’s greatest strength and triumph. Think about Vader’s last moments while wearing the mask. The moment Luke told him he could feel the conflict in him, and he knew there was still good in him. His sadness feeling torn, watching the emperor torture his son, Padme’s son! almost to death. The pain he must have felt being torn apart between the dark and the light at that moment. Vader chucking the old guy over the railing into the abyss to save his family, to do the impossible, something that Yoda said couldn’t be done. He came back to the light. Even the walk with Luke carrying him to the shuttle. Still trying to save his father. Removing his mask peeling it off of his face so he could look at his son one last time with his own eyes. That mask in my opinion saw a lifetime of light before Vader/ Anakin passed away and became one with the force again. I view that mask as potentially being a grey instrument of the force. If the mask has given him visions both light and dark it would make sense that he would ask it to show him again the power of the darkness. A lot of people think that individual characters from the past are directly speaking to both characters, as I pointed out earlier. Could Kylo think that Vader speaks to him through the mask. Is it possible that this is just purely THE FORCE itself using voices of powerful Jedi of the past? The force is just using these voices as an echo to bring these two very powerful force, sensitive individuals, together. Why would the force will this?

I try to clear my mind and recognize what Yoda says over and over numerous times in the saga. It is this entity that binds everything together. It has a will all its own. It calls those bound to it, it is a force sensitive beings choice if they will answer the call. If they will choose the light path or the dark. Perhaps there is a medium ground.

No matter which religion it is there are light and dark sides to it. Without one the other cannot exist. In my theory the force is trying to bind Rey and Ben together, and yes I do believe it is trying to bind them together using a romantic passionate love. The evidence of this is clear in TFA. Kylo is already addicted to her presence. He can’t just hand her over to Stormtroopers like he did Poe, he has to carry her. He’s not trying to intimidate or frighten her. He takes off his mask for her. He speaks softly and calmly. I’m sorry but when I was growing up if my brother was interrogating me for any reason (Like where I hid the remote to keep him from changing the channel.) he was never nice, never calm, and it usually ended with blows aiming for the head or the gut, and furniture flying across the room, and the last person we wanted around was the other one. Kylo is not her brother or cousin. Sorry folks it’s not in the story. He wants her in his life! He pretty much begs her to let him teach her, he needs her in his life. Which is a big reason Otze’s essay about force bonds is now my favorite Star Wars Reylo essay. If they are related, I will still love it, because it’s Star Wars.The story can still be explored through different characters in a future trilogy, but I will be reading and writing tons of Reylo fan fiction to get over it lol!

While I believe that Kylo will be redeemed through this love he has for Rey I do not know how it will end for him in my head. I do not think it’s going to end well for him. I see them both being bound together through the force and I think it’s very foretelling that each one has a connection to a relic that once belonged to Anakin Skywalker. The lightsaber was Anakin’s. He was the first to wield it. The mask also belonged to Anakin. Anakin is still being chosen by the force to achieve balance. Using relics of both sides of his life To bring these 2 people who share this connection in the force together. I think this could foreshadow one of them (probably Ben) making a self-sacrifice to save the other. I really don’t want that to happen though, I want Kylo to survive. Maybe going on a journey of penance, wandering the galaxy trying to help others to pay for his past. IDK if that will happen either but I’d love that, and it could spark an animated series. (lol)

I believe it’s possible. As many have said in fandom his character still has a lot of growing up to do. I’m so on the edge of my seat to watch that unfold. I want to know if in the end, he will fulfill his ambition and his destiny and truly become “As Strong as Darth Vader!”

I went on for a long while now and I hope my day dream about this awesome passionate story made people think, maybe even daydream a bit themselves. I’m sure I’m probably completely wrong about this whole headcanon of mine lol (@Scavengershoard ) Like Rachel and Kirsty are always saying though it’s always fun to speculate. Have a great rest of your weekend everyone and thanks for reading

Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think(Please be kind though, do unto others right!) ❤️⭐️

#reylo #reylo trash #reylo meta

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