i was talking with someone earlier and i told her, "I love you and so I know you, I know you and so I love you" and i started to think about how merlin knows arthur the best.
he knows arthur's moods and arthur's smiles. he knows what arthur doesn't say, all the hidden words, all the misplaced phrases. he knows the "i want to see your smile, i dont want you to suffer, im worried" behind his "thats better". he knows his trust and where is given, he knows the truth behind the lies, he knows the person under the crown. he knows what makes arthur brave and what makes arthur courage, because they may be similar but are also different. he knows arthur's threats and arthur's flaws and arthur's failures, he knows arthur's abilities and arthur's potential and arthur's kindness. he knows arthur and he notices arthur and he sees arthur.
merlin knows arthur the most.
and he loves arthur the most.
merlin knows arthur and so he loves him. merlin loves arthur and so he knows him.
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Ouroboros: The first year in development (+small update!)
On this day, a year from now, I sat in the stark light from my monitors, eyes bloodshot and hands trembling; and I clicked the post button. I then choked my pc to death and ran away screaming, scrambling into the corner of the couch on all fours, hissing at every shadow (only one of those statements is a lie).
It was 4 am and I had been scrambling to get the last details of the demo correct, mumbling to myself and reasoning with my dog. I was so happy to be writing again, after years of piddling around with lackluster projects. I never thought Ouro would be welcomed as it was, and to be honest, the fact that it was scared the living shit out of me. After the hype settled, and I sat watching the continuous stream of support that poured my way, I kind of crumbled. There was a long and dirty road of clawing myself out of self-doubt, impostor syndrome and perfectionism. Some part of me knew it was coming, since its very on par with how I am shaped as a person (sopping wet pathetic meow meow), but after climbing many hills on my ongoing healing journey, I felt like I was prepared for it.
Writing Ouroboros went from fun little sidequest to get my mind off becoming a sturdy part of society again (exhausting), to another workload, to form of therapy, then torture and back again. My writing journal is amusing to scroll through:
Things went from bad to...
worse,
until the storm finally weakened. Every entry in my journal from this point gets progressively more hopeful, more resilient against the bad days.
:> This was around the point where I decided I wouldn't give up, come hell or high water. The progress was slow, like bleeding stone and pulling teeth, but it was moving. By the turn of the new year I was battered and bruised, but still hopeful.
And I know that this, these emotions that I went through, were way out of proportion for a hobby writing project, but with every ask that came through telling me about your MC's budding journey in Ouro, every gushing emotion you've shared with me, every gleaming piece of art, every kind word; every correcting one, too, this grew to something really precious to me. I wouldn't give it up for anything, even if it feels like I'm barely keeping my head above surface in this terrifying, stormy sea of a life.
I can't wait to see what comes next, even if the road is bumpy. All I know is that I will keep chipping away at this story with everything I got. And all I can say is that I'm so grateful for your continued support and patience, I barely have words for it. You are incredible. Thank you.
Now, enough of my bleeding heart. Get over here! I have some treats to share.
Mainly, it is the little update to the demo that I'd like to share; Idren/Ida's 101. I did my best to finish it today, but I only had an hour or two of effective worktime (excuse: I was outside for most of the day in bloody blizzard and it knocked me on my ass more than I'd like to admit). It is cut off at the different scene transitions, which I will add after I have some time to work on them this saturday. Id's 101 was the most complex out of all of them, so there is still plenty to explore and different outcomes to see. I hope you have fun!
To see it, go through Lena's scene and don't scream -> accept alliance -> visit archives. That will take you to the new content. CW for very emotionally charged arguments and... almost dying.
Play it here. Save often. (or wait until next week as I sadly couldn't finish everything on time for the anniversary) (I have done bare minimum playtesting, but I will fix any gamebreaking errors if there are any, immediately. There shouldn't be any, but you never know.)
A sneakpeek of the short I also will be working on on saturday:
It is sunny on the day of $!{leith}'s funeral. It is not supposed to be sunny. It is supposed to rain on bad days, and the wind is supposed to whip dry leaves into dancing columns. Thunder is supposed to rumble in the distance, and then right near so that the even the windows rattle with trepidation. But it doesn't. The sun lounges calmly on the perfectly still water of Riven's lake, glittering with winking light as the serene waves lick the edge of the populated harbor. There is chatter, too, not the moaning whispers of grieving people. Not a sob to be heard, but the flutter of a laugh and a joyous embrace of lovers right in front of you.
"People have forgotten, the sacrifice we made." Lyselin stands in full knight-hunter armor beside you, the silver gleaming in the stark light.
And some art of F!Leith that I have started:
♥ That's it. Know that I'm working as hard as I can (both on Ouro, and learning how to balance work around it, lmao.), even if I fall short sometimes, there ain't no quitting. See you soon!
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Ah yes its 'Follow the Lights' time where we get to watch everyone in the chain get shocked half to death because they had the audacity to simply exist.
Lu-tober day 14
Prompt: Electrocution
From my Goretober prompt list
*TW* A bit of lighting and Wars being shocked. Its not very graphic, but figured I'd throw this on there anyway
Experimenting with art styles? More like I didn't have time for todays prompt but still wanted it to be colored so I decided to just go a messy version of my texturing style and hoped it looked good without lines. Honestly its not terrible, could use a bit of clean up but otherwise pretty okay.
IS IT RAMBLE TIME YES IT IS
'Follow the Lights' is a fic written by CluelessMoose on Ao3. 'Don't Go Into the Light' is the follow up alternate POV fic, and they are both fantastic. Expect more angsty art based on this fic.
The idea behind both of them is a Chain meets Wild fic, except everyone gets scattered across hyrule between a bunch of different shrines. Super angsty, and is definitely on the more extreme side, but is also fantastic. Come here to get your helping of hypothermia, heatstroke, blood, gore, unreliable narration and a lot else. Its essentially just kicking the chain while they're down and I love it. Especially Wild, he gets kicked a lot.
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it makes me so ridiculously happy whenever ryan refers to shane as his best friend. they don't even have to say it, that man IS his best friend but hearing the words come out of his mouth is everything. but sometimes i feel like it's not mutual? like, ryan's been shouting how shane's his best friend to the world, even made him his groomsman (was he the best man?) but why do i lowkey feel as if shane doesn't reciprocate that? obviously shane's been saying how he's his friend and has defended ryan time and time again, but is shane ryan's best friend but ryan isn't shane's best friend? or maybe compared to ryan, shane really is just privy with his personal life? (also ryan isn't even one of shane's groomsman]
i don't wanna look deep into their relationship because they're real people but yaknow
shane was not ryan's best man but the fact that ryan wasn't in his wedding should nottt stick out to you as support for shane not reciprocating ryan's feelings or whatever. ryan had ten people up with him at his wedding and shane had four. ryan's wedding was a lot bigger than shane's and there are so many other factors that go into choosing those people that ryan not being in it cannot possibly be a statement that he doesn't care about him the same.
you're definitely right at the end tho shane is more private with his personal life. and they are real people with a private friendship as well as their public one and we have no way of knowing what goes on there but i definitely Don't think theres any one-sidedness or uncertainty or unevenness about where they stand with each other.
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