#I'm just so done and feel like I owe an explanation to the ones who saw my posts yesterday

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

[autistichalsin]

If you're curious, this is what Halsin's letter says in the epilogue if you fail to break the Shadow Curse:

My friend, I was truly heartened to learn of your success in the fight against the Absolute- the whole of the Sword Coast and beyond owes you a debt that can never be repaid. I dearly wish I could have joined in your moment of celebration, but the Shadow Curse remains, and so my vigil must continue. Perhaps I shall yet discover a way to restore light to this place, but until then, the memories of my time traveling with you shall sustain me through all manner of hardships. If the Oak Father is kind, one day I shall feel the warmth of the sun and know the joys of your company once again. Yours until the end, Halsin

So... there is a LOT going on here. A lot. One, obviously, the heartbreak of Halsin resigning himself this way. "If the Oak Father is kind," he'll feel the warmth of the sun again?

The way he sees the player's company as something he longs for just as much as the sun. While confining himself to darkness and despair, what he longs for most- even more than nature itself- is sunlight and the player.

Which brings me to... you can feel the pining here. This letter was what finally cemented it for me: Halsin is, canonically, in all "good runs", in love with the player. Not "holds a lot of affection for the player that may or may not become romantic" like the others. This was what finally made me decide, beyond a doubt, he is ALWAYS in love with the player so long as they don't raid the Grove. This is just too much pining, too heavy of a romantic coding, too much he sees in the player, to be anything else.

He puts the player on par with sunlight. The thing he uses as a metaphor time and time again to explain as a basic need, something no life can live without. Something whose absence chokes the nature he loves so much into nothing. A need. That's what he considers the player.

And that's not even getting to "yours until the end," which is so obvious, I think it speaks for itself. With all the "I'm glad to be had"s and the "I am your servant, my love"s, Halsin is someone who- despite loving to be "unbound in nature"- considers a form of "being had" to be something of a love language. And here, knowing he will very possibly never see the player again unless a miracle happens or the player goes on a borderline suicide mission just to visit him, he still calls himself "yours". Even when he devotes himself to the land he couldn't heal, he still sees his heart as belonging with you, first and foremost.

And that's the happier explanation. The sadder explanation is that he's so tormented by the shadows and everything else that he's making up a fantasy in his head, of the player being his tragic, could-have-been love, just to cope. Just to convince himself there's something, someone, waiting for him should the curse ever be broken, so that he can imagine better is waiting for him, to give himself enough strength to endure the shadows for however long it takes, because the alternative is surrendering. And he can't let himself do that as long as he's needed. So, as he has done before, like when he convinced himself he liked being a sex slave to survive being a prisoner in the Underdark, he indulges in fantasy to survive- but instead of enslavement, it's solitary confinement.

Both are HEARTBREAKING options, in a scenario that was already beyond heartbreaking just before the epilogue.

[separatist-apologist]

make 3 acotar confessions that would get you in trouble *evil laugh*

"trouble" in the sense that people will vague my opinions but I'm so oblivious, I'll never know.

The fandom is too concerned with other people shipping things they personally don't like

Literally who gives a single shit should be the question a lot of ya'll ask yourselves before you start putting your "if you like blahblahblah you're disgusting and normalizing [insert literally ANYTHING vaguely problematic right here] and therefore its okay if I harass you". Tragically people do NOT ask themselves that question.

It's not that they find it problematic- because they are often LOUDLY proud of the problematic things THEY like and seem to understand that liking something in fiction doesn't say anything about themselves directly. So like...the problem, then, is that you're bothered people enjoy something you find gross/weird/whatEVER and you want them to stop. But they can't just say that, so we do this weird backwards dance of finding some real life problem with fictional characters to justify harassing real life people.

2. People are way too married to fanon

Not one dude in this series is your sweet, sad, soft boy and that's all I'm gonna say about that.

3. Mor did nothing wrong

I'll die on this hill. Everyone understands consent SO well until it comes to Mor, and then suddenly she owes men an explanation/her kindness/her time/her attention. Mor doesn't owe Azriel ANYTHING- if he can't move on after 500 years, thats literally HIS problem ONLY. If Eris wants to explain himself to Mor and she says he can eat shit, thats on ERIS. If Elain doesn't owe Lucien her time OR an explanation for breaking their bond then neither does Mor and frankly they need to stop projecting their own desires/needs/whatever onto her.

What has Mor even done? Because if a man is about to confess his love to you and you leave him there, is that not a response? If a man harms you, regardless of his intentions, and you're afraid of him, do you owe it to his feelings to hear him out? Mor is such an interesting litmus test for the fandom and their supposed values around feminism and consent.

[bunni-v1]

Diasomnia request: Reader was born in Titan time (before the gods. When the earth was still very fresh) reader's father had committed a terrible crime, which is why he was cursed to never die, to be punished forever for his crime. However, he managed to get the curse passed to Reader. How do the Diasomnia people react to the fact that Reader can never die? And that they have experienced everything that has happened so far (wars,etc) (you can write for the other dorms too If you want.)

Diasomnia's Immortal Reader

TW: Mild Swearing, Sebek being a dick, Talking about lifespans

Info: Headcanons; Malleus, Lilia, Silver, Sebek x Reader (can be read as either romantic or platonic)

Summary: In the title

🍓I really should've thought about my situation more before opening this account. School is rough, I hardly get a break, and when I do I want to spend it with my friends and relax. I'm hoping I can dedicate myself to writing more, so I decided to try out something short and sweet to kickstart my ass back into it. Thank you for requesting <3

Malleus Draconia 🐉

Pleasantly surprised.

You’re not secretly Fae, are you? Some kind of… monster? No? Hmm… how curious.

He could probably find a way to lift the curse if you wanted…

He could definitely lift the curse.

He just finds you endlessly amusing. Humans are fascinating… immortality isn’t exactly a curse in his eyes, but you dislike it. Peculiar.

Once it’s explained why you have this curse he understands why you’re so upset by it, but he’s still naive and young. He doesn’t see the full extent of what immortality has done to you.

He’s a little… overwhelming with his curiosity about things. He has a ton of questions, and he asks them.

Wants to see if you know anything about the history of Gargoyles that he doesn’t. (You definitely don’t.)

Most of his questions center around the war — his family namely. He wants to know an outsider's take on what happened, how his grandmother came to power, his parents passing… everything.

He’s never met a human like you. You’re practically a dream come true for this goofball.

Lilia Vanrouge 🦇

Oh! How interesting!

Immortal humans, now that’s a rare sight. Not that it’s impossible, it’s just that humans aren’t usually… immortal. 

His curiosity to your past may be more overwhelming than Malleus. Question after curious question. 

He’s never met someone like you! He’s usually the oldest, wisest one around. It’s a very nice change of pace to have someone… ahem… his age to talk to.

It isn’t unlikely that he’s heard about your story before, he just never had a face to the poor cursed soul.

He feels bad for you, and if you asked he could find a way to lift your curse somehow, but respects you if you don’t want it lifted.

Lots of discussing about history with him, and he enjoys hearing your opinions on how humanity and fae society evolved over the years.

He makes you feel normal about your situation, because his situation isn’t too different.

Silver ⚔️

Like his father? 

Thats his first thought.

His second thought is confusion because… you’re human? Wtf?

After his initial shock… he’s pretty cool about it. I mean, he was raised by practically immortal creatures it isn’t too big of a shock to him.

Not a big question asker. 

He understands that you have your own story, you don’t owe him any explanation and if you want him to know you’ll tell him.

When you do, he’s like… damn. 

You’re invited to family dinners. Lilia won’t be cooking, he promises that.

Family is a core part of who you are, and your’s was shitty. You don’t deserve that, so let him be your new one! Lilia sure would love to have you around.

He never calls to attention your extended life line, or your past, or anything that might make you feel strange. He’s just someone you can be you around.

Sebek Zigvolt ⚡️

Annoying ass mother fucker <3

Assumes that you’re fae, a bit of an odd one, but that explains your immortality.

Jaw DROPS to the floor when he learns you are human. Biggest, most dramatic gasp you’ll ever hear from his ass.

It doesn’t make any sense to him, you’re gonna have to explain it to him to get him to calm down.

Then… he’s sorta an asshole about it. It’s Sebek. What do you expect?

Definitely says something like ‘Of course a human got themselves cursed!’

Truly though, and he won't admit this, he’s just as curious as his fellow Diasomnia members about you.

Probably tries to ask Lilia about you and gets pushed back in your direction.

He comes to respect you in a way. I mean, sure you’re human, but you’re immortal and have a lot of life experience. You can’t be all that useless after all these years.

[ur-local-demon1]

Rants from a tired writer: Tragic Backstories

Dear writers and readers/viewers (depends on medium), for the love of everything please PLEASE understand how to use tragic backstories for antagonists properly!!!

An antagonist's traumatic past is an EXPLANATION for their poor behaviour, not an excuse!! That kind of backstory is here to show that it's rare for someone to do bad things just for the sake of being bad; a lot of the time, antagonists have a reason for behaving antagonistically (or you could have someone like Emperor Belos who has a reason for behaving antagonistically but also does bad things just for the sake of being bad, which is awesome).

That's why sometimes it rubs me the wrong way when fans of a certain piece of media dislike an antagonist's redemption arc just because they felt like the show was throwing them a pity party. Of course, there are times where writers are guilty of doing that, and I'm criticizing them here as well. The antagonist's traumatic past is here to humanise them, to remind the audience and characters that in spite of it all, they're still a person. In cases where the antagonist is redeemable, this can make the audience and characters sympathise with or even relate to them.

A lot of people hate her but I don't care, I'm going to use her as an example anyway: Akito Sohma is one of those redeemable villains that gets humanised through her and Tohru's shared experience of being ostracised and abandoned.

No, you're not supposed to feel bad for Akito because she cried and said she felt lonely. You're supposed to feel bad for Akito because Tohru is the first person to treat her as a human being and not as a God, as well as validating her fear of being left behind by saying that she feels the same way. + You're supposed to feel bad for Akito because she is denied the right to be herself in every single way possible, including, but not limited to, her gender.

Akito getting redeemed does not take away all the pain and trauma that still affects the members of the zodiac that she hurt. In fact, not all of them forgive Akito, and that is okay. Akito herself states that she would have been fine not being forgiven at all, she just wanted to better herself. Her apology wasn't even done through words, but actions; she could not bring herself to say "I'm sorry" to all of her family because she didn't want them to think she was apologising just to make herself feel better or to gain their forgiveness. Anyway, I love Akito so much and I will write love letters to her in my analyses every time I have the opportunity to do so, you're welcome.

However, there are times where writers really do mess up and just want you to feel bad for their poor little moral scapegoat. I have not made a She-Ra critical post in so long, but who else fits the bill more than Catra? Her traumatic past does explain her resentment and violent tendencies towards Adora, but the show lost me the second they tried to make it into an excuse. Not only that, but making Adora "leaving" Catra a central point of the tension in their relationship when Catra was given multiple chances to leave just made me want to bash my head into the nearest wall.

The big problem with Catra is that she does not change, nor is she held accountable for her actions for longer than one episode. The only thing that did change is that she does not physically abuse Adora anymore, but the verbal and psychological abuse does remain. And lastly, the viewers and characters are considered objectively wrong for not trusting or liking her even though they have legitimate reasons not to. Of course, I'm not saying that the characters are not allowed to forgive her, but forgiveness is earned not owed, and Catra has done nothing to earn it, and it would have been nice for at least one character like Adora, Entrapta, Scorpia or anyone to have said "I'm glad that you're trying to become a better person, but I don't have to be there to witness that. I wish you the best but I don't want you in my life anymore."

Well, I have said my peace. I might start posting more writing takes on here while still talking about my favourite shows/books by using them as examples, let's see how it goes! I love writing so much so I'm very glad to be able to express that on my socials :)

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 1 of the major bracket

Propaganda:

For Eve and Vilanelle:

They quite literally are a wlw murderer couple. And I love them very very much.

Villanelle is a joyfully murderous psychopath assassin and Eve is the investigator trying to catch her who Villanelle seduces Eve into enjoying her own more murderous side. Villanelle does a Ton of murders (including of a tech bro billionaire), Eve also does some murders. It’s a good time.

THE murder wives!!! no explanation needed!!!

they got canon homoeroticism AND murdered together <3

For Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu:

you've got the founder of the fantasy ancient Chinese CIA and the leader of what is essentially the mafia and then they're soulmates and in love. they're both willing to kill anyone who dares hurt the other while also just wanting a soft domestic life together

Zhou Zishu is an assassin and spymaster who put the current Emperor on the throne, and then quit his job by faking his death (kinda, hes still dying but not as fast as he was supposed to). Had done A Lot on his old job, including murdering children (more than one, and at least one of them in a way I can't even describe without several trigger warnings), exterminating whole families, war crimes (and i dont mean this in a buzzword way, i mean "organized a public execution of foreign diplomats during war time")… btw he doesn't feel particularly bad about any of this, because he believes it was necessary. Like he wouldn't do it for fun, but he thinks the ends (putting a good Emperor on the throne) justified the means (all of the atrocities). As a retiree, he definitely cut down on the amount of morally reprehensible murder, but not murder in general. He still routinely kills ppl, he just doesn't go out of his way to kill more. Wen Kexing, meanwhile, is the Ghost Valley Master - Ghost Valley being a place where the worst of criminals are exiled. Even in such a place, he has reputation as a complete lunatic, owed partially to the fact that he either skinned a man or fed him his own flesh or both at one point, and partially to him having a rule where he would kill anyone who came closer than 3 meters to him. But in truth, everything he'd done was to survive the Ghost Valley and eventually take revenge for his parents, who were brutally murdered when he was only nine. By the start of the novel's timeline, he put his plan in motion - the plan that would drown jianghu in blood, but also deliver poetic justice to all responsible for his parents' deaths, as well as all who'd commit the same crime given the chance. And these two men, these two murderers and schemers, meet - and unexpectedly, find in each other the person who /understands/. The person who is just as ruthless and whose hands are just as bloody, but also the person who knows standing at the top of the world is not worth it, who seeks the same freedom of leaving it all behind, and who is still, underneath it all, a human, with human heart seeking connection. So you have this couple who understand each other with barely a word, and who want the same things - who are so hungry for domesticity and for people they can just goof around with when all their lives they had to measure every step and word - but ALSO where one half a couple is like "i gotta go murder hundreds in revenge" and the other half is like "ok pick you up at 6". (This btw is why I'm submitting novel's iteration of the couple in particular. Show wenzhou with their ridiculous breakups over morality could Never.) Also they were both hiding who they are when they first met, and later flirted about having figured each other out. Finally, I'll leave you my favorite quote that just. perfectly sums up their relationship: "And just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, steeped in the smell of blood."

You’ve probably already had submissions for them but I’ll add on. One of them founded an assassin’s guild and killed a staggering number of people. His malewife is the leader of a sect of insane murderous outcasts, and he attained his position by proving to be the most crazy and murder happy of them all. Most of the plot involves him wandering around watching his schemes get more people killed. Together they adopt a kid that was only orphaned due to said scheming (oops). They’re terrible and I love them.

[the-phantoms-kiss]

Pillow talk

Leon S Kennedy x Fem!Reader

Angst - Fluff - Smut - 5k

It was a wonderful night, the breeze was cool as it entered through the window, the moonlight shone happily into the room, and most importantly; I was wrapped up in the arms of the man I loved.

This should’ve been the perfect end sequence in a romance movie after the two protagonists have sex, or “make love”, however in my case, it did little to quell the questions that were raging inside my mind.

“Leon…” I whisper softly, propping myself up on my forearms. “What is it?” His voice was deep and tired. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to ask, perhaps I should wait until he isn’t half asleep. He opens his eyes after a while, noticing my lack of a response, and pulls me closer to him with the arm around my waist. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” He sits up, waiting for anything. “I- nothing… it’s okay. I’m sorry for waking you, go back to sleep.” I kiss him on the forehead and let him lie back down properly, resuming his peaceful slumber.

Before I know it the clock says it’s 2:41 and I’m in the same position I was all those hours ago. The same thought has been repeated over and over again. It’s stupid. I know the answer, yet I can’t bring myself to accept it. I should, otherwise I’ll just be wasting time. I get up as carefully as I can, trying not to wake Leon up, which is easier said than done, and I carefully make my way to a small office room in the apartment.

At his old typewriter, I begin to write a letter, it goes as follows;

Dear Leon,

I apologize for not giving you a proper goodbye, but I couldn't bear to look you in the eyes knowing I'd have to leave. It may not matter to you why it is that I'm leaving, hell I don't doubt you won't notice my absence until much later on, yet I still feel as if I owe you an explanation even if it’s a shitty one.

We've been close since that night in Raccoon City, we stuck through thick and thin on various missions afterward and I've seen you grow and change from the young, sweet, and artless rookie that you were. Don't worry, I've had my own changes, and it wasn't until recently that I discovered just how much I changed from the person I was to the person I am today, I've also noted the change from the person I am today to the person I wanted to be back then. I'm leaving in pursuit of becoming that woman I always wanted to be, that woman that I am deep down. A hopeless romantic who wants nothing more than to start a family in a small town with a meaningless job. This rotten city, and whichever other city you get assigned to has no future for me, at least not one that is negotiable. I will always remember you and hold you dear to my heart, but I’m just not sure I can be here any longer without losing myself. I’ve already lost so many, I can’t lose myself. Please don’t be sad, I’m sure you’ll meet others far funnier than I, others who you’ll be able to bear your whole soul to. Please don't track me.

Maybe someday our paths will cross, till then;

Yours truly,

💋

Leaving my lipstick was my signature, the easiest way for him to recognize me. I neatly folded it, put it inside an empty envelope, and set it on his nightstand along with a cup of coffee, just how he liked it. I drove back home and quickly packed up my belongings, stuffing them into the trunk of my car.

I drove up north, only stopping for coffee and gas every once in a while, never settling in a motel for the night, instead, I opted to sleep in the backseat of my car, dreaming of the day I’d finally be free of these plagues. Faking my death was the easiest part of it all, after all, working for the government means anything is accessible and anything is possible if you talk to the right people.

I wonder if he even saw the letter, he probably thought it was some lame excuse to leave without making him breakfast, a habit we had gotten used to over the years of casual sex and crashing over at each other’s place when we were too drunk to drive home. Maybe it was exactly what he was hoping for, a break from me. I guess only time will tell.

Leon’s POV

The smell of coffee lingers in the air, the bed is colder than usual, and she isn’t singing in the kitchen like she usually is when she spends the night, she didn’t even wake me up at 6. Did I somehow dream last night? I was pretty drunk… but that’s not right, the coffee on the nightstand is-. I sit up and grab the mug, it’s cold like it’s just been there for hours, but it’s the same as when she always makes it. This must be some kind of game, ah, and here’s a letter most likely explaining the rules, a bit unusual that she didn’t tell me earlier, usually when she plays these games she at least gives me a heads up. Jesus, why’d I have to be into a detective?

Let’s see, “ ’Dear Leon’, blah blah blah blah, jeez she really got into character this time, let’s just skip to the good part, ‘don’t track me’ What am I supposed to do then? Hope I run into her? Maybe the clues are hidden in the text.” As I reread the entire letter I quickly realize, that this isn’t another one of her games, this is a goodbye. But… no. She must be kidding right? Some sick prank she thought would be funny? She knows how many people have left me… she knows that… she’s… I don’t have anyone… why would she leave if she knew that? “FUCK” I grab the mug and toss it at the wall in a fit of rage, shattering to pieces.

 *RING RING RING* Great who is it now?! Claire Redfield? “My condolences Leon, she was a great teammate and an even better friend.” “What condolences? Do you know how long she was planning this?!” “I don’t know! I would’ve helped her if I had known… she didn’t deserve to go like that.” “Helped her?! Deserve to go out like that?! So what? You’re just going to help her play the victim now?” “Jesus, Leon! Have some respect for the dead, despite whatever religion you may believe in we can both agree that we shouldn’t blame her for killing herself, the blame should be on us who didn’t even notice something was up.” “Killed herself? What do you mean…?” “Stop acting dumb! It’s all over the news! Those damn bastards couldn’t let her rest even after her death.”

That can’t be right… she would have told me if she was even feeling remotely suicidal… she- THE LETTER! SHE TOLD ME! HOURS OR EVEN SECONDS BEFORE DOING IT! WHY WOULD SHE DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC! I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO HER! I COULD’VE SAVED HER AND EVEN AT THAT, I FAILED! MERE INCHES AWAY AND STILL I- I failed her- if I had gotten up instead of pretending to sleep if I had opened my eyes when she left the coffee on the nightstand… I could’ve prevented all of this…

2 Years later (2005) 7 years after the incident

MAIN POV

The night was quiet, even inside the bar, the bar was quieter than usual as it was late and most patrons would have work the next day. I loved these kinds of nights, the kind where the sound of people talking and low jazz music were nothing but ambiance noise compared to the rain that was pounding on the windows. The doorbell jingled, and a man came in. I must be dreaming, he looks an awful lot like Leon, sure the blonde hair is throwing me off but the resemblance is there, it can’t be, what’s an old town like this got to do with his operations? Maybe I’m drunk, I doubt it since this is my second glass of wine, but stranger things have happened. As I look back away and out the window a heavy set of footsteps walk up to my table. “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” Holy shit. It’s him. Maybe he won’t notice if I keep quiet and look out the window, maybe the changed hair color will throw him off? Right like his threw me right off track. I shake my head side to side, careful to not show my face. “Thanks.” He pulls out the chair, faces it towards the front of the bar, with his back to the window and sits on it. Umm hello? Can you leave? “It’s a nice night ain’t it.” I guess you aren’t going to leave. I just nod. “Cut the shit, I know it’s you.” He slams his beer on the table and turns his body towards me. I feel the hairs on my body stand at the sudden loudness of his voice. The place goes quiet for a second, and I remain quiet as well. “Fine then, don’t speak to me, I’ll talk whether you talk or not.” I stand up and quickly walk outside, speaking as I do. “I don’t want to talk Leon.” He reaches up to me just as fast, and grabs my wrist before I can get into my car, the rain slowly drenching us both.

 “No! You are not walking away from me. Not again. You may have said everything you wanted to that night but just remember that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. You left me with what may have been a reason to move states, but to me it was a letter with a reason to end your life, and that wasn’t fair. You knew that I would find out about your death so why make it seem like a suicide note knowing damn well that you had no intention to do so. You left me when you knew! YOU KNEW THAT I HAD NO ONE ELSE. DO YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH IT KILLED ME THINKING IT WAS MY FAULT YOU HAD ENDED IT? I CRIED FOR MONTHS NONSTOP AND WHEN I WOULDN’T BE CRYING I WOULD BE DRINKING, BLAMING MYSELF FOR NOT HAVE ASKED YOU WHAT WAS WRONG THAT NIGHT WHEN THERE WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG. IT KILLED ME. YOU KILLED ME. YOU HURT ME MORE THAN ANY OF THOSE STUPID MISSIONS EVER DID. AND FOR WHAT? WHAT WAS THE REASON? TO END UP WORKING AT SOME MORGUE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE? YOU WALKED OUT ON ME. WHY? WHY?! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO COME BACK JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHY!

“BECAUSE I LOVED YOU LEON! I STILL DO! AND I KNEW YOU WEREN’T READY TO SETTLE SO I LEFT. I LEFT THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AND I KNEW YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME. IT HURT TOO MUCH NEVER BEING ABLE TO TELL YOU OR SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH I DID. AND NO, I DIDN’T GET TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY IN THAT LETTER BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU KNEW I LOVED YOU. I AM SORRY I HURT YOU SO MUCH. I JUST COULDN’T LIVE THAT WAY AND I NEEDED TO ESCAPE. I WAS SO BLINDED BY MY OWN PAIN I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE WHAT I DID UNTIL I WAS SEVERAL TOWNS OVER AND I KNEW IT WAS TOO LATE BY THEN. I LOST IT. I LOST IT LEON. I LOST IT ALL. I- I WAS GOING MAD. IT WAS DRIVING ME MAD THE WAY YOU INTERACTED WITH ADA! YOU WERE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER AND I WAS SIMPLY THE SECOND CHOICE! EVEN WHEN WE MET YOU WERE HUNG UP ON SOMEONE! I NEVER HAD A CHANCE.”

“YOU’RE WRONG! I NEVER LIKED ADA! ALL SHE HAS DONE IS LIE AND BETRAY MY TRUST!  IT’S BEEN YOU SINCE THAT NIGHT WE MET! AND YOU’RE RIGHT I WASN’T READY TO HAVE A FAMILY, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I NEVER WANTED TO START ONE! ESPECIALLY WITH YOU! GOD I WOULD KILL TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO CALL YOU MINE IN ANY FORM!” His facial expression suddenly changes from anger to sadness, and one can practically see the gears in his brain as he thinks of what to say next. He steps closer his eyes now looking down at his own shoes, and when he speaks it’s much quieter than the previous shouting he was doing, his voice is slightly deeper and he talks slower, as if he’s realizing the meaning of his own words as he says them.

“You don’t know how many nights I spent dreaming about the day I could finally quit my job and just ask you to be mine already. So many nights wishing that all of these viruses would just go away so I could finally take you out to dinner and treat you the way you always deserved. I just wish you would have let me tell you that instead of making choice for me. I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts. Surely you must know that… right?” I pull him in by his jacket, and I kiss him. I kiss him like there’s no tomorrow and he kisses back just as passionately, his arms wrapped rightly around my waist pulling me and closely as possible and it still wasn’t enough. For what feels like an eternity we stand there, drenched and yet it doesn’t bother us, and it isn’t until our lungs beg for air that we finally pull apart. He picks me up bridal style and runs to the passenger side of his car putting me inside, takes off his wool jacket and lays it on me gently before running back to the driver seat and driving to my house. “How- that’s a stupid question it'd be stranger if you didn’t know my address.” He chuckles, but that doesn’t answer my second question, “If you have something to say then say it, I don’t want you keeping any questions from me ever again.” He looks at me, frowning. “How many times did you have to look at my address to memorize the path from the bar to it?” “Too many, honey.” That’s all I wanted, a sweet nickname that I know only I’ll hear. While he drives he puts his hand on my thigh, and it feels so unbelievable right.

When we arrive he runs back over to my door to open it and extends his hand for me to hold, I run to the door and unlock it running inside for shelter as the rain falls in bigger drops, “I’m going to go shower really quickly, make yourself at home.” “Can I join you?” his hand still on mine “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, I’ll be out in a second I promise.” I kiss his forehead, and run to the restroom to shower before I catch a cold. When I get out of the shower I shiver, only wearing a towel, he’s in my room, standing by the fireplace that is now ablaze while he looks at the pictures and trinkets I have on it. “I left some hot water for you, better run and shower before I go back in.” He doesn’t answer, he just motions for me to come closer and when I do he holds my waist with one hand, the other holds out a framed picture of the both us selfie, it was taken on my 21st birthday, we were in a booth in a bar, jeez why are we always at bars? “I have this exact same picture framed on my nightstand. We’ll make it. I promise.” He kisses my forehead, his hair still damp and cold from the rain, after a few seconds he pulls away and goes to shower. Should I bring some wine? What about lingerie? Too much? Yeah, too much. I just want to make it up to him. Candles! Music! Is Jeff buckley too much heartbreak? Chris Isaak? Nine Inch Nails? Too kinky for our first romantic time. Alannah Myles? Yes. Black velvet comes on first too?! Perfect.

As if on cue Leon comes out of the bathroom with a towel covering his lower half, I just can’t help it and I run into his arms pulling him in to a kiss once again, he must’ve been feeling the same way because his hands immediately land on my hips and he pulls me flush against his chest, my hands on his hair. He picks me up bridal style and carefully throws me onto the bed, climbing on top of me, his hands roaming any bare skin I have, his kisses growing sloppy and eventually moving down my neck occasionally nipping and leaving his mark, kissing back up my jaw and nibbling right below my ear, the sound of his heavy breathing makes me rub my thighs and he instantly notices, pulling them apart and throwing the towels which hung loosely around us onto the floor. It was like he was analyzing which part he should go after first. His kisses go between the valley of my breasts, and he carefully pinches both nipples at the same time, his tongue leaving a trail as it goes lower and lower, “Leon, please,” My voice barely above a whisper, “I wanna be yours… I’m going to make you mine.” His lips right above my clit the vibration still going through. And he kisses it, slowly at first, his fingers never leaving my nipples, then he speeds up, instead of kissing it he’s just flicking it with his tongue, running circles on it, sucking, and blowing on it afterwards. My moans grow louder, it’s too much, his touch is too much, and it’s about to be more. “So many nights I dreamt about this.” And without a warning one of his fingers goes into me, as he curls and moves it in and out, adding a second one and doing scissor motions, his lips now repeating the same actions from before but now on your nipples constantly switching between them. “Leon it’s too much- I-“ “Cum on my fingers.” I don’t need to be told twice and he just speeds up his ministrations as my legs shake.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good tonight baby, you’re never going to be the same.” I moan and twist his hair between my fingers. After I’m done he pulls out his fingers and licks them clean, “God how I’ve missed your taste.” And before I know it he’s between my thighs again like a starved man, curling his tongue inside and his hands massage my hips keeping them from bucking, his nose rubbing against my clit every once a while and his tongue runs over my walls like he can’t get enough, “Leon don’t stop please- you- you- feel so-“ My legs shaking again, thighs crushing his head and he groans, the vibrations going through my entire body. And as I come down from my high he’s licking every last drop, “So pretty when you cum” without warning he’s shoving his dick in me, one of his hands holding my legs on his shoulders and the other holding my hips, angling them up getting in even deeper, setting a sharp and quick pace. I pull him in with my legs, his hands now pressing my thighs to my chest and his lips meet mine for a messy kiss, both moaning into each other’s mouth the new angle has both of us seeing stars and I involuntary clench around him every once in a while making his knees buck, “Fuck, keep doing that and I won’t last.” “I don’t want you to last.” I scratch my nails on his back and his scalp, and he moans in my ear. “You sound so pretty when you moan.” And he blushes hiding his face in my neck, groaning and moaning. “I- I’m close- Leon-“ “Cum for me.” And I snap, my walls gripping him tighter than he could imagine, and he cums as well, his knees bucking and his body shivers on mine. His hands bruising my hips but I couldn’t care any less. After a few more seconds of him pistoning in and out he finally falters, and he lies on top of me for a while, now it’s just our heavy breathing and the long-forgotten CD still playing in the background. As he pulls out he lays his head on my chest and covers us both, I softly run my fingers along his hair, his own fingers drawing shapes on my skin. “I love you.” We both spoke simultaneously, “Jinx” “That’s not fair.” He jokingly frowns, “Nuh uh, can’t speak, I said jinx.” After some silence I speak up again. “Do you remember when we first met?” He just remains silent, “I know you’re awake.” “You said I couldn’t speak.” “Fine.” “Leon,” Saying his name slowly, a kiss on his forehead, “Leon,” repeating it even slower, a kiss on his nose, “Leon.” Barely above a whisper, a kiss on his lips, “I think about that night every day.” He replies. “Do you remember?” “Crystal clear.” The memories flooding back to me.

We met in a bar a day before the incident, a town outside of Raccoon City, I walked in “Can I get whiskey on rocks?” I ordered, and a voice came from next to me “Are you even old enough to drink?” The man was unbelievably good looking, but obviously out of it. “Excuse me? I fail to see how that’s any of your business.” “I’m a cop. It is my business.” He flashes his badge, “A drunk one. You’re no better than I am.” He chuckles “You didn’t answer my initial question.” “I did you just didn’t like my response.” “I could take you to jail right now.” “In that condition? You’d probably crash before we even got in the city.” “I can drive just fine.” “You sure? Because by the look of your dilated pupils, you’re either drunk or in love.” “Or?” he smirks, “As if.” The bartender is way too tired to pay attention to either and simply passes you the drink, you hand him cash, “You’re not even going to ID her? And they say we’re the corrupted ones.” “Listen here, if you’re just going to come in and talk shit with our customers then feel free to make your way out.” The bartender responds, of course, he’d have your back, you’ve been a regular for months. “Fine. I guess I will.” He stands up immediately feeling dizzy as he slightly stumbles out of the bar, I follow behind him I can’t afford such a handsome guy getting himself killed on the road. “Let me drive. You’ve obviously had too many and I’m sober.” “After that whiskey?” “Believe it or not some of us actually have a tolerance to alcohol. I didn’t finish it anyway.” He sighs outside his car, taking a moment to think, he puts his hand on his head and hands me the keys walking over to the passenger side.

“Where to?” “Any hotel nearby.” “Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your house?” “Don’t have one.” It’s dark out and the road is empty other than the occasional gas station, “So… what brings you out here anyhow?” “To the bar or to the city?” “Both” “Mainly work, I’m starting my first day as a cop tomorrow in Raccoon City.” “Wow, I could’ve been your first arrest, lucky you.” “So you admit you’re underage” “I’m 20 alright lay off it, say you don’t look old enough to drink either.” “That’s because I’m 21.” “Aha! You’re no better than I am.” “At least I waited.” “First of all I call bullshit, and second of all getting wasted isn’t exactly waiting. You drank tonight more than I’ve drank in these past months. What about the bar? A celebration for your new job?” “My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, needed a drink to forget. What about you? Do you go there often?” “I’m sorry to hear about your ex. Well, college is hard and family doesn’t make it easier so we all cope in some way or another.” “Ah family, I can relate to that.” “They didn’t want you to be a cop?” “They’re dead now but I’m sure they wouldn’t be proud. They were wrapped up in crime more often than not, a cop helped me out that night though, and helped me get into an orphanage.” “That’s sweet” he smiles, god he’s cute. “What are you studying in college?” “Mortuary science.” “Isn’t that just lovely.” I laugh and he looks at me with these huge puppy eyes. “Don’t think I’ve seen you smile this whole time, you’re pretty cute when you smile.” “Only when I smile? Good golly.” He laughs again, “Didn’t even deny it.” I whisper under my breath as I shake my head, “You’re always cute, you’re just too sassy for me to see it.” I just blush and keep quiet for the rest of the ride, turning on the radio to play some jazz quietly in the background as the rain starts pattering down the windshield. At one point he simply passes out, man is he adorable when he sleeps, his eyelashes are so thick, and his faint freckles are scattered around his cheeks and neck, man his ex must’ve been blind and deaf, don’t know how she could just give up on this cutie. As I see a nearby motel I notice the gas tank is close to empty and I park at the motel. “Excuse me how close is the nearest gas station?” “About 4 miles up north, but I wouldn’t recommend walking out there this late, with the heavy rain and the recent murders in the city it is too dangerous to be out.” “I’ll book two rooms then,” As I finish up paying I walk back out to the car to get the stranger, recent murders huh? What if he’s the killer? Nah he’s too sweet for that. He could be acting… I’m sure it’s fine. “Are you awake? I got you a room, seems we’ll have to be neighbors for the night since this car isn’t going anywhere.” No answer. Guess I’ll have to carry him, man he feels like a steel wall, god, I’m going to be sore tomorrow. After carrying him to his room and push him onto his bed his hand grabs onto mine, and he pull me onto the bed with him wrapping his arms around me, whispering a name, still very much asleep. After a while I manage to get his arm off of me and to my room as quietly as possible knocking out on my bed.

In the morning I wake up to the sound of the sound of knocking on the door, as I peek out I see the lady from last night, her husband is offering to drive me to the gas station and I quickly agree and get in his truck. The drive to was quiet filled with occasional small talk, on the ride back however, he stared asking more personal questions, putting his hand on my shoulder every once in a while. When he parked he kept the doors locked looking over at me as if he’d seen his first meal, “If you’d like, I can help you fill up” his tone lower and he leaned towards me, “No thank you, I’m running a bit late could you-“ “Listen princess, my wife is probably taking a nap right now and I think it’d be in both of our interest if we had a little fun.” I quickly move my hand and unlock the doors, but he grabs my wrist tightly before I can open it. “Let me go! My friend is a cop and he will arrest you!” He chuckles and my god it is the most disgusting sound I’ve ever heard. Oh yeah? Where’s this friend of yours at?” “Right here.” A familiar voice responds from behind the man as his door swings open and he gets pulled out of his seat, and before the man could even fully raise his fist he gets punched in the nose, falling back unconscious. Seriously badass. He quickly runs around to my side and opens the door, holding his hand out for me to take and I gladly do so. “Thank you.” I pull him into a hug and he reciprocates the action, after pulling away he holds his hand out “I’m Leon Kennedy, sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier.” I introduce myself and shake his hand. After filling up the tank we drove back to the bar, the same place I’d left my car the night before.

We stop at a diner to eat lunch, his treat of course since he turned out to be a gentleman, lending me his jacket when it got cold outside and walking me to my car as we said our goodbyes, both knowing we didn’t want to go our separate ways. I give him my phone number and he does the same, and with that I’m in my car alone, and he’s in his equally alone. It wasn’t until I got half way back home that I realized he’d forgotten his jacket, and I would’ve kept it if it didn’t contain his badge along with other belongings. Thankfully I knew he’d most likely be heading to the police station over at Raccoon City so that’s where I’d be going for the rest of the day, I didn’t have anything planned anyways so it’d be a fun roadtrip. By the time I was only half an hour out of the city it was already dark and I needed fuel stopping at a gas station which coincidentally had Leon’s car parked right outside it. I got out ready to surprise him when out of no where a bloodied woman came to my window banging her head against it, not knowing whether to help her or seek Leon inside the dark gas station I climb over the passenger seat and run towards the building turning back to see a swarm of them hurling towards me. As I turn an isle I walk into Leons back, he quickly turns pointing the gun right at my forehead, “DON’T SHOOT! IT’S ME!” He doesn’t even respond he just grabs my hand and leads me out to the nearby police cruiser which was luckily on. I get into the passenger seat and he gets into the drivers, quickly stepping on the gas pedal. After we were seemingly in the clear he speaks up “What were you doing there?” Not angry but obviously shaken by the experience, “You forgot your jacket, I was going to drive to RPD and leave it there but I spotted your car at the gas station.” He looks down at me, noticing the jacket still on me, “Oh, thank you.” I take it off and hold onto it for the rest of the ride, we were both quiet, trying to process what we’d just seen. Eventually stopping outside of another diner within the city. From then on it’s all just history. 

3 Years later (2008)

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer I do."

“I do.”

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer I do."

“I do”

“You may now kiss the bride” 

And with a searing kiss, we begin a new chapter in our lives.

AN: I pulled an all-nighter so please like and reblog 👏🏻😭

[theminecraftbee]

It's the middle of the night when Grian hears footsteps approach where he's made camp in the new Hermitlands of Empires. (Or whatever they're calling it - Hermitopia? Hermempire? He hasn't been paying enough attention; despite it being his idea, he's pretty sure Impulse has already named it.) He's about to roll over and complain about it being LATE, he's SLEEPING, thank you, when he sees who it is.

He blinks.

"Hey, Grian," Pearl says.

"Hey, Pearl," Grian says. "It's late. Uh, hold on."

He grabs a torch and lights it. Pearl's dress has mud all over it. Her eyes are red. She has a strange expression.

"...Pearl?"

"You're a tailor, right?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'd say so," Grian says. "Vital for a number of things. Later I'm actually gonna go offer to make Timmy's seams tighter to mess with him, actually, if you wanna -"

"Haha," Pearl says. It's not really a laugh so much as a forced chuckle to interrupt him, so Grian takes the hint and stops. "Ha. You already know him, huh."

Grian stops for a long time. He... is not sure how to explain Jimmy to Pearl, if she doesn't already know, so he just nods.

"...and he knows you."

"Kind of?" Grian says, making a face.

"Kind of," repeats Pearl.

"Look, Tim and I go back," Grian says, and leaves the explanation at that. He studies Pearl's face. It doesn't yield any results; Pearl's expression is remarkably blank. "It's sort of a weird situation," he tries again, wondering what about it is so offending Pearl. There's another awkward silence. "Uh, look, just help me mess with him?"

"...after I spar with Sausage, and that's not what I'm here to ask you about. I wanted to ask if you could make me a new hoodie," Pearl says.

"And pants, I assume?" Grian adds.

"I mean," Pearl says, smiling for the first time the whole interaction.

"I shouldn't have given the option," Grian complains. "First Scar, now everyone around me. You're wearing pants!"

"If you think you can control that -"

"Nope! Nope, not listening to it." Pearl laughs. Grian considers it a victory. "Anyway, I'll just need the fabric, sure. I don't have time to go collecting. I think that, uh, Chromia? They seem like a textiles place, probably them...?"

"You can cut up the dress," Pearl says, rather emphatically.

Grian pauses.

"You'll have to wear some of my -"

"I don't mind. Grian, please."

Grian stares at Pearl. The dress she'd found herself wearing once she came through the portal is a beautiful thing, practically glimmering with magic. Sunflowers are woven into it in impossible ways. If Grian destroys it, there will be no replicating it, not without the magic that created it in the first place. It's a finer piece of clothing than the tailor in Grian wants to destroy.

She's covered it in mud. Her eyes are red. It is well past midnight.

Grian throws his spare set of clothes at her. "Go get changed, I'll make it a rush order, so you actually have proper clothes."

Pearl sags with relief. "Sure. I'll owe you."

"You absolutely do," agrees Grian. "Remember that, I'm going to collect!"

Pearl doesn't argue. She goes to change. Grian watches after her.

...huh.

Well, he thinks. That's one more thing to worry about on the increasingly astronomical list of things to worry about after they went through the Rift. it's really too bad that has to be de-prioritized under a lot of other things because that is some weird Pearl behavior, but Grian's already getting blamed for too much to try to fix something he's not involved in. Still. Still!

Pearl comes back with the dress, and Grian promises to message her when he's done. She leaves. Grian holds the dress in his hands and wonders what, exactly, he's missing here.

He'd never get rid of such a beautiful dress. It had basically been made for her. He still feels bad destroying it.

...it's worth the IOU.

He gets to work.

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - epilogue | you come back to what you need

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 2.8k

summary: you and ben settle into life as a couple 🩵

A/N: as promised, the epilogue 🫶🏼 thank you for reading, and i'm going to be working on some oneshots now that this story is complete so stay tuned for more ben content! x

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“You’re telling me I spent months cultivating your public image as a couple only for you to go become an actual couple?”

You hear Ben’s publicist Shreya’s voice coming through the phone, partly because he’s just put it on speaker and partly because you’re laying on top of him.

You’ve been mostly in this position for much of the past week. Ever since you and Ben confessed your feelings for one another, you’ve been pretty much inseparable - unless you’re at work or Ben’s at training, you’ve been holed up at his house ignoring the rest of the world. 

You didn’t make your first public appearance as a couple - a real one, that is - until yesterday, when you attended Ben’s game at the Bridge. They beat Bournemouth 4-0, with a goal and an assist from Ben in one of his best performances all season, and you couldn’t resist jumping into his arms and kissing him senseless when you met him on the pitch afterward. 

Naturally, the photos spread like wildfire over the internet, and although the public was already used to the idea of your relationship, your phone has been blowing up today with messages from your close friends and family who were in on the fake relationship but not yet aware of its newly real status.

You know you’re gonna have to call at least your parents at some point today to explain why there’s a photo of you and your best friend making out in The Sun - although you know they’ll be thrilled, since they already see Ben as an honorary son - but you haven’t responded to anyone yet. 

In fact, you haven’t done much of anything since you got home from the game last night - well, except your new boyfriend.

“Erm, yeah,” Ben chuckles, running his hand over your bare back in a repetitive motion as he talks to Shreya. 

He figured he at least owed an explanation, so he took his publicist’s call to catch her up to speed and let her know that he wouldn’t require her to bolster your appearance as a couple anymore. 

There’s a pause on the other end, and you have to stifle a giggle against Ben’s chest when you hear Shreya’s sigh of exasperation. 

“To be fair, it was the easiest job I ever had trying to convince people you were together, so perhaps I should have seen that one coming,” she says. “Well, good for you, Ben. You sound happy, and you were brilliant yesterday.”

“Thanks,” Ben grins, his eyes glued to yours. “I am very happy.”

Your heart thumps in your chest and your eyes tear up slightly at his earnest, lovestruck expression. You can’t resist shuffling even closer and pressing a kiss to his cheek, followed by one to his jaw, then a few more down his neck.

“Do you want to go over your GQ interview next week?” Shreya asks. “You know, the reason you pay me?”

You’re still distracting Ben with soft kisses to his neck that have made his eyes flutter shut and his focus drift.

“Sorry, I - uh, I’m gonna have to call you back, Shreya. Thanks again, cheers.”

Ben hangs up and tosses his phone to the side, immediately flipping you over and attacking your face and neck with little kisses until you’re giggling uncontrollably. 

“Ben,” you sigh as he’s sucking on your collarbone in a way that you know will leave a mark if you let him. “We should probably get ready.”

As wonderful and perfect as the past week has been, spending all your free time tangled in these very bed sheets and experiencing things you’ve never felt before, Harvey is hosting an event for his clothing brand later that you can’t miss. 

You’re not particularly eager to leave your little bubble of joy in Ben’s house, but you figure you owe it to one of the friends responsible for that happiness to turn up for him today. 

“I know,” Ben groans, his hand travelling low on your back and sending a shiver up your spine. “In fifteen minutes?”

“We’re already going to be late,” you point out, glancing at his watch. “It’ll take an hour to get there and I still don’t know what I’m wearing-“

“You’ll look amazing in anything,” Ben insists, leaving more kisses up your neck, “or nothing…”

“Ben,” you say with slightly more resolve, even though his lips are making it hard to think of anything else right now. “We can’t avoid all social plans forever. As much as I love being alone with you.”

Ben pulls back and you think you’ve finally got him to focus, but there’s a look in his eyes that you recognize all too well from your lifetime of knowing him. It’s the same look he has before a big game or in an argument - he isn’t going down without a fight.

“Please, baby,” he says in a soft whisper near your ear that he’s very quickly learned is one of your many weaknesses when it comes to him. “Ten minutes?”

The other thing about those big blue eyes that you know so well is that they just so happen to be one of your other greatest weaknesses, and when he smiles at you, you know you’re a lost cause. 

“Ten minutes,” you agree, grabbing his face and kissing him again before he can respond.

It’s actually closer to twenty-five by the time you actually roll out of bed, and another twenty when you realize you both need a shower and end up getting distracted once again, so you have to hurry to get ready.

One perk of dating your best friend is that you already have a closet full of clothes at his place, and you pick out a simple dark blue dress that you know looks good on you. As you’re finishing up your makeup, Ben walks into the bathroom freshly changed into a black t-shirt and jeans, and you don’t miss the way his eyes light up at the sight of you.

“You look absolutely gorgeous,” Ben murmurs as his eyes rake over your body in the mirror from behind you. “I’ve always loved this dress on you.”

“Thanks, Benji,” you say softly, putting down your makeup brush and smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress. You can’t help but blush a bit at the thought of Ben checking you out long before admitting how much he fancies you. “Are you ready?”

He doesn’t respond, instead just stepping closer and wrapping his arms around you from behind for a moment. Despite the time crunch, you relax into him and breathe a small sigh of contentment.

You can’t help but admire the sight of the two of you in the mirror, his face buried in your neck and inhaling your scent as you hold his hands that have settled on your stomach. 

“I still can’t believe I get to do this now,” he whispers, echoing the same feeling running through your soul. 

After unknowingly yearning for this for so long, maybe your whole life, it feels so right to finally fall into this simple intimacy with Ben. It feels like coming home. 

You turn in his arms, intending to lean in for a quick kiss before forcing the pair of you out the door, but you instead feel overcome by the sudden urge to wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face in his chest. He hugs you back without a word, pressing a few soft kisses to your hair.

“I love you,” he murmurs, his thumb rubbing circles on your spine. “I’ve never been this happy before.”

“I love you too,” you mumble against his chest before pulling back just enough to cup his face and see your whole world between your hands. “And neither have I. This week has been…perfect.” 

He nods in agreement, letting out a small sigh. “Are you worried it’s going to be weird when we leave our little bubble? I don’t think the game yesterday counts since we were basically apart until you pounced on me afterward.”

You slap his chest playfully and roll your eyes before shaking your head.

“It might be a bit of an adjustment, but not really. I mean, we’ve basically been doing this for months now in public.”

“Sure, but it was fake then,” Ben points out. 

“Yeah, but the feelings were there,” you say, your fingers running through his hair in a way that makes him smile sleepily. “Now I get to love you publicly and privately, and I can’t think of anything that could feel more right than that.”

Ben’s eyes light up before he closes them to dive in for a kiss, his soft lips lingering on yours for a few moments before he pulls away. 

“You’re right, love,” he says. “Now, we should probably go, because the longer I look at you in that dress the more I wanna take it off.”

You smirk and pat his cheek before walking away, knowingly giving him a great view of your arse on the way out. 

-

An hour later, after singing loudly to the pop songs on the radio and laughing so hard your ribs hurt the entire drive to Soho, you and Ben are standing in the crowded restaurant where the launch of Harvey’s new fashion line is being celebrated. 

A bunch of your friends are here, all of whom are enjoying this opportunity to tease you - with love, of course. 

Tom caught you stealing a few kisses in the corner of the room less than five minutes after your arrival, so you probably deserve the teasing. Plus, you’re so happy that you don’t care. 

After circling the room a bit and congratulating Harvey, you’re now chatting with Anish and his girlfriend Hannah in a booth. You have lots of room, but you’re still pressed to Ben’s side, his arm around your shoulders. 

As he and Anish chat about the clothing line, you’re content to just listen to Ben’s voice and enjoy the warmth of his body against yours. You occasionally press a kiss to his jaw and he’ll stop talking for a moment and smile at you, which makes you want to do it again. 

After a while, Hannah suggests going to get another drink, and the boys nod in agreement.

“I have to use the loo, can you grab me something?” you ask Ben, and he nods and pecks your lips quickly before heading over to the bar.

After using the washroom, you’re eagerly making your way back through the room to find your boyfriend when you bump into a familiar figure.

“Ryan?”

Ryan, the well-dressed man standing before you, just so happens to be your ex. You went out for a few months two years ago before ending things fairly mutually and amicably.

You’re surprised to see him for a moment, but he does work in the fashion industry, so it makes sense that he would be here.

“Y/N, wow, it’s been ages,” Ryan says, giving you a quick hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good, still working at the hospital,” you say with a smile. “Are you still at the magazine?”

“No, I actually moved to Paris, just in town for the week visiting some friends,” he explains. 

“Wow, Paris!” you remark. “That’s amazing. Do you like it there? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Of course I like it, it’s Paris,” he chuckles. “And yeah, I just moved in with my girlfriend Claire. You?”

As if on cue, Ben comes up beside you and presses a kiss to your cheek before passing you a gin and tonic, your favourite, with a water for himself in his other hand.

“Here you go, babe - oh,” Ben’s face falls slightly when he sees who you’re talking to. He was never a fan of Ryan, often calling him pretentious or making fun of how artsy he was, though looking back now that may have just been jealousy. “Ryan.”

“Well, that answers that question,” Ryan says with a small smirk. “I have to say, I’m glad you two finally got your shit together.”

“What?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I mean, it was painfully obvious you were in love with him back when we were dating,” he elaborates. “You never stopped talking about him and you saw him more than you saw me.”

You can’t help but blush a bit when Ben looks at you with a slightly raised eyebrow, despite the fact that you’ve literally spent the last week demonstrating exactly how in love with him you are.

“I think you might be exaggerating-“

“I seem to recall you cancelling a date more than once because Ben had a ‘bad game’ and you needed to go round his and cheer him up?” Ryan laughs. “I hated football before that, but it really solidified the hatred.”

Although part of you wants to laugh, cry, or scream at yourself for being so blind to your feelings for Ben, you do also feel a tinge of guilt for dragging guys like Ryan along before you figured things out.

“Sorry about that,” you say, leaning into Ben’s arm that is wrapped protectively around your waist. “It took me a while to realize what was always right in front of me.”

“No worries, it worked out for the best, yeah?” Ryan says, raising his beer to you and Ben. “I’ll see you around, cheers guys.”

As Ryan walks away with a smile on his face and Ben pulls you closer and presses a kiss to your temple, your guilt is replaced by a warmth settling into your chest - everything really did work out. All the wrong turns and detours along the way just led you back to where you always belonged. To Ben.

“So, you never stopped talking about me, huh?” Ben says after a moment, and you can hear the smirk in his voice before you turn to look at him.

“Oh my god,” you roll your eyes, playfully pushing him away and shaking your head. “I literally confessed my undying love for you less than a week ago, you arse.”

Ben just continues to smile at you, setting down his glass so he can wrap his arms around your waist. 

“You’re cute when you’re obsessed with me,” he murmurs, his thumb stroking your hip just enough to drive you crazy. 

“And you’re cute when you’re jealous,” you retort, smirking slightly. “He has a girlfriend in Paris, just so you know.”

“I was not jealous,” Ben insists with furrowed brows. “How can I be jealous when my girl is soooo in love with me-“

You shut him up with a kiss, partly to get him to stop talking and partly because you are in love with him and hearing him call you his girl has reduced your brain to mush. 

You don’t know if this will ever stop - you doubt it - but every nerve in your body is electrified as he kisses you slowly, pouring every bit of love and desire he feels for you into the kiss. It’s not the most passionate one you’ve shared so far, being that you’re surrounded by people, but it’s soft and sweet and more than enough to make your knees go weak and your thoughts blur.

“Ben,” you mumble against his lips, forcing yourself to pull back. “We can’t make out in the middle of Harvey’s work event.”

A small pout forms on Ben’s face, which is so adorable that you have no choice but to peck his lips once more.

“How about my car then?” Ben suggests, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Ah, is that why you insisted on taking the Range instead of your flashy new sports car?” 

He nods, gesturing to the car park just outside. “Lots of room in there.”

As much as you don’t want it to work, the thought of what Ben is capable of doing to you in the backseat of his obnoxiously big car is too tantalizing to resist.

You glance around the room to make sure none of your friends are watching before nodding. “You get ten minutes, Benjamin.”

“We’ll see about that,” he grins, grabbing your hand and beginning to drag you toward the exit as you try to contain your lovesick giggles.

As you climb into his car and then into his lap, exchanging messy kisses that are interrupted by your smiles, you can’t believe it took you so long to get to this point. Sure, it’s still kind of terrifying to jump headfirst into a relationship with the person who has been your person since you were kids, but it’s also thrilling.

It’s the beginning of the rest of your life with your best friend, and you have a feeling it’s going to be a very happy one. 

a/n: please let me know what you thought! i hope you all liked the ending :) tag list: @captainwans @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @ncentic @lunamelona @kathb59 @cinderellawithashoe @batmansb1tch @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 @evelinapurmale @freekoalakryptonite

[foxena]

Why I disappeared »

This is awkward.

I mean, my previous Tumblr account "illuminated-foxx" disappeared without a trace, and no explanation was given.

I don't know what I expected. At the time it felt like a good decision. You see, when I become extremely overwhelmed, I tend to remove things from my life in order to feel better. This time, the thing I removed was my Tumblr account.

I know, it's a bad habit. I make rash decisions when I panic. Looking back, I wish I had just taken a break. Now, I regret my impulsive choice.

I don't owe the internet an explanation for my disappearance, but I feel the need to give one for those who wondered where I went.

I became very ill after contracting COVID-19 in 2020. This spring, I was participating in a rehabilitation program. Unfortunately, due to my illness, I couldn't complete every part of the program. Instead of receiving support, the program leaders would daily tell me that "others with your illness can do this, so you should be able to do it." They refused to adjust the program to accommodate my needs. As a result of their ignorance, I completely broke down.

I quickly quit the program with the help of my psychologist. But the damage was done. I deactivated my account due to being overwhelmed by the situation and the exhaustion of having mold in our apartment.

A little while ago I decided that I wanted to come back and build up my blog again. I googled my previous username and what I found surprised me.

I was missed.

I don't know what I expected. Maybe for people to just forget about me. After all, my illness has gotten me used to rejection. It made me lose most of my relationships and fight for help from doctors who didn't believe me.

To my mutuals, @kissalopa, @tipsy-clouds, @akitasimblr, and @sharona-sims, thank you for thinking of me. It means more than you probably know.

So, here I am, back and ready to rebuild my little blog. Life has been tough, but I'm learning that it's okay to step away and return when I'm ready. This blog may be different now, but I'm excited for this new chapter. I'm glad to be back.

[myfandomrealitea]

I'm convinced anyone who honest-to-god rages at that post is just someone who feels very impotent and useless off the computer, so they're hardcore compensating by trying to look and feel like they're doing as much "activism" as possible online. Either that, or they have zero understanding of how basic human psychology works and in turn, they don't realize that if people didn't have spaces where they didn't need to constantly be on guard about getting slapped with activism onuses, everyone would burn out. And be useless even if they were able, occasionally, to dive into that stuff before. Not to mention, everyone has a limit. Someone dealing with depression, a death in the family, MS, and the stress of a move has enough shit on their plate and they don't owe anyone an explanation re: "why they don't reblog that post, otherwise it means they're contributing to genocide". Hell, nobody owes anyone an explanation because Brenda, being stressed and pissy and raising your blood pressure about something does not mean you can actually help anyone, and also, half those mutual aid posts are scams.

I know a lot of people were tripped up (apparently) by how I worded it, which in hindsight was probably my fault because I did write it while I was pretty pissed off myself.

But yes, the general amount of people who read it and still insist on either bending over ass backwards trying to nitpick every single possible nuance or immediately launch into accusations and flag waving is just... Disappointing, really.

The whole world is never going to agree on everything, but it is actually very sad to see just how many people have been sucked into the cycle of forced activism, guilt manipulation, setting themselves on fire to keep others warm, ect.

I do hope in the future they allow themselves to let go a little and understand that mentally and physically we are simply not capable of being 'on' every single second of every single day. It helps nobody, and actually, a lot of today's activism is performative and signalling rather than actually effective or influential.

Its people loading up videos of candles on their phones instead of actually lighting real ones.

The unfortunate reality is that a lot of the online "activism" we see isn't.... Actually activism. Its not actually doing anything. There's no outcome from it. Spamming 'FREE PALESTINE' under cat videos and celebrity photos from their holidays doesn't actually accomplish anything. Its just making you feel like you've done something.

Especially activism on a global, actually at war scale like Gaza. It doesn't help anyone. People aren't being freed from hostage camps because user dontlookawayfromwar spammed a tagline under a baking video with an audience of 400 and called the content creator a cunt for not mentioning Gaza once while telling people how to bake scones.

Its likely an unpopular opinion; but modern internet culture has actually ruined activism, compassion and how we understand influence and real change. We are so out of touch with what is actually helpful and what is just virtue signalling and running on a hamster wheel of performative activism. The internet is a communication tool. You can't build a wall with a spoon and you can't stop a war with Tumblr posts telling people they're awful for having family dinners that don't revolve around dead bodies and human greed.

[demonqueenart]

- dan and phil have no reason to come to latam at all, they are ENGLISH content creators who make videos in the ENGLISH language and whose majority audience speaks ENGLISH. it's kind of baffling to me that you feel entitled to them going completely outside their audience when no other content creator does that, youtubers need to make money off their tours, they need to go to the places where their fanbase mostly is, other people and even artists do exactly this because why would they come here? there's an entire language barrier in between. all the other countries they're going to that speak a different language are either physically closer or they have more english speakers as a second language and they aren't giving that many dates in them. and of course they have a lot of dates for the US? that's where most of their audience is? they need to know where their audience is, that's their job, so they definitely know more than us about it

- saying they can just "dip into" mexico for a few shows is ridiculous, if they were to give a show here the most likely place for their audience to be is mexico city and, again, even that would be risky

- i can't speak for other latam countries but i have never in my life met someone who's offended at getting called a third-world country. that's just? the correct way to say it? like i'd rather he say that than call us poor or smth obviously. i will say that i agree it's a *stupid* term because it doesn't apply to the modern world anymore, the US has many problems that third world countries also have and third world countries have a lot of progressive aspects that first world countries don't. however, acting like latam is only big cities and progressive people is ignorant and avoids talking about the real problems we face. the term comes from a war that has been used to stereotype us but it is also the way it's taught in schools, society and the internet. dan saying this seems to me like it was just the way he knows how to say it (which is the way most people know) and he didn't strike me as having malicious intent which is always what is most important

- dnp have never promoted this as a world tour. they don't owe us explanations or apologies as to why they're not going to certain countries. it's okay to be upset that they aren't coming to yours, i was too, but they really have no reason to go because it's *their* tour not ours.

- the one thing i agree with here is the racist stuff they've said and done in the past, especially dan. the things he did were disgusting and not okay. but i am absolutely giving him the benefit of the doubt because, in my opinion, actions are better than words. he was a teenager (!!!) and he hasn't repeated his behavior since, i'm also pretty sure he Has apologized but even if he hadn't i'd much rather he actually fix himself, which is what he's done imo, instead of saying sorry and continuing to do the same thing

- racism is a constant problem in most fandoms and it should be addressed directly as to put a stop to it. it makes sense to me that you think the way you do as you said you've never experienced such a thing in your life but please please please take a step back and realize that dan and phil don't know every single internal problem happening with their fans and giving up on them completely the way you seem to have is insanely and undeservedly pessimistic when they most likely don't even know what's going on.

Sincerely, a mexican dan and phil fan.

That’s a very valid point! I won’t disagree, what you said could be the reasons underlying all of this events that’s been happening. And mind you, I don’t even care if they’re not going on the tour in my area. It’s never been about that. The problem is tho, why does this explanation come from a fan instead of dnp. Don’t get me wrong, these are very valid points! If dnp were to say that to me and others, I would have been okay! There has been many instances where dnp knows their actions have hurt others, but they stay silent and try to cover it up. These reasonings are not bad! And it won’t make them look bad if they say anything about it. But it’s weird why they wouldn’t say anything when so many of us have been hurt by them staying silent.

I’ll give you an example to clarify this. Mirian from twt, one of the community team that did subtitles for dnp videos, she has expressed she was very hurt by the term 3rd world country. And although you and others are not offended by it, you should not tell others how to feel about the term because we have different experiences. This term are derogatory to a lot of people, and diminishing other people’s experiences is not right. Mirian and many others have addressed this issue multiple times: during wad, when dnp did a fake apology. And dnp could just dip in and say, “we’re sorry that the term offended you. It was taught in school and we didn’t mean anything by it.” Does that look bad to you? It’s not to me! But they never did! They turned a blind eye on it, and so are other people in this community.

Do you know what that feels like? When white people just keep ignoring you as if we’re crazy for feeling offended when they have offended us? There has been far too many shooshing in this community, and in the name of them keep doing this to us! We want them to address things because we want to know that they are there for us, that they are trying and didn’t mean by any mistakes they’ve done. Instead, they keep trying to bury us up, pretending we’re not there! How do you think I would feel about it? Should I be glad that they see me being hurt as this ugly thing that should be buried down because that’d make them look bad? I’m telling you right now, if they do not acknowledge those people they’ve hurt, you cannot say this space is inclusive to everyone.

I was hoping to bring light to these issues, not pretending it’s not there, not enabling them or this community. What do you think it says about this community that we cannot bring light to issues that can hurt people so severely. If people were to be called out about someone saying transphobic slurs, you would not have diminished their feelings. You would speak up in hopes that it won’t be repeated again. This whole thing could be solved by just a good communication, but them not choosing to do that means they’re not choosing us to be here. And to that, idk. Maybe I should find a space that actually treats me like a person, not a thing that keeps making excuses for others

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

[kanmom51]

i wish, i hope, i beg the insecure jikookers (if they are even jikookers) would actually sit down and THINK. there's always and i mean always a large, a HUGE picture we have been getting just a tiny cut out from, in every situation. and it's not even a new thing, we have always been aware we are getting just a tiny crumb off of a big cake. so i'm not really understanding what's everyone fussing so much about?

there's always a room for millions of possibilities of what actually could have happened and these people always seem to think the 'worst' (it's not even the worst, so what if jimin wasn't there with him? is there some rule book couples must follow?). you get what i mean no? he could've been in the room next door, sleeping, on his phone, he could've been sleeping in his apartment, hell, would the 2 minute live gone longer than 2 minutes he could've walked in on the screen without knowing they are even live, just as jk did. i could go on and on and on...

not to mention that since april 4th morning KST (bb hot100 update and jms wlive) we have got just ONE update about jikooks whereabouts- that being minimoni on a nike dinner and jk unsurprisingly being like 900 metres (0.5 miles) away from that said dinner with his 97liner friends celebrating Mingyu's birthday (really surprising that the nineone neighbours +jk are within one kilometer in one area). so that leaves us (if we count april 4th after the early celebration wlive) with 4 whole days of nothing. nada.

so unless you're living in the walls of jimin and jungkook's apartments you have no, and i can't stress this enough, fucking idea what's happening.

i should probably mention the fact that jk is flying off to the US in just a few hours (maybe not even that many), meaning he could've been at his apartment to pack some damn stuff, do some damn laundry before he flies away for who knows how long. or he just wanted to spend time at his apartment you know, an apartment that's his. because he owes no one a damn explanation.

it's actually baffling how some of you all claim to love them and believe in them and their relationship so much, yet you expect something from them all the damn time. an explanation. a statement. a huge gesture. a coming out. i guess that is not bad per say because after all, they've done it before (except the coming out part obviously), yet again, they don't owe you anything. so don't go around jikook blogs constantly spreading negative emotions that you yourself are feeling after something that doesn't go the way you have wanted it to go.

i actually have many more things to say, how all of this is happening literally months before they have to enlist and complete their duty as korean citizens, which is a heavy topic for any queer person that lives in SK and how this whole situation still must be very overwhelming (not in a good way) for them, but for now i will stop here. it's actually the first time i think i have written something on here, because i have had enough of the constant repetition. this all just convinced me i could never be a blogger, lmao. 😅

sit back. relax. and THINK before you write something. thanks.

HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!

All of that.

Just wanted to add about that night out on the 6th April outings cause you already brought it up.

JK and JM, how dare they, were spotted not together.

JM at the Nike dinner with RM and others.

JK was at a restaurant, which only today we found out was a dinner with Eunwoo and Mingyu, both his 97 liner friends (Eunwoo btw being a good friend of JM's too, surprise surprise).

And how surprising, the restaurant that JK and his friends dined at was a few hundred meters from where JM was with RM and the others, and the two were pretty close to JK's apartment.

Just a little more pieces to add to the puzzle of very little info we get (not to mention it coming to us in pieces).

Also, matching hats (not identical) going out on same night?

Caption: lovers.

Or in Papago:

Trust in K-army.

They are rejoicing in JM and JK's relationship. Why can't I-army do the same???

[love-hatred-stuff]

solo [sequel shot]

》 alright so I know it's starts off rough but this is for those who needed a happy end for my fic "solo"

Enjoy my babiesss :3 ♡

"Come on. Please tell me what I did wrong and I'll fix it."

"I'm wrong, James! I was wrong and that isn't your fault. I just don't wanna hang out anymore." A few tears slipped past your eyelids. You were devastated and you knew this day would come. You knew one day he'll find someone that's better than you. Not as broken as you. More useful as a partner in a relationship and not someone who ruins fucking everything.

You were truly heartbroken. But you tried to be happy for him and you were actually. It stung nonetheless, seeing him with another girl that seems to be so put together, so emotionally available. Complete opposite of you and you guess that's why it hurt even more. Him picking someone who is the exact opposite personality type of yours, not to mention someone who looks completely different from what you looked like. It underlined your deepest fear, him actually prefering everything that doesn't represent you.

The thought that had held you together for the past years had suddenly lost its meaning, the thought that he loved you more than anyone else, his promise to be always available for you, vanished, broken. You tried to understand, but it was more than just hard to comprehend.

"But why won't you tell me the reason!?" Bucky was crushed when he heard from you that you can't see each other anymore privately, that he had to forget about you and your close friendship. Because what you didn't know, was that he still loved you, he never stopped. He had never found someone better than you because for him someone like that doesn't even exist. Bucky only ever wanted you to be his, the person he's been in love with for the past two years, the one that he can't help but feel the need to take care of.

"I can't just say 'yeah okay, I won't bother you anymore' to my best friend of so many years I've lost count! You're not just a friend to me, y/n. You're everything I have. You're the only person that truly knows me." James wiped his mouth in desperation. He couldn't loose you. He'd stop breathing.

"Yeah, clearly not." You mumbled under your breath.

"What was that?" He didn't quite catch that.

"James, you know how I am. I'm selfish, manipulative and stubborn. I can't look at your face anymore. Not while knowing you're thinking of someone else while looking a me."

Buckys eyes widened. Only now realising what was going on.

"Why would I do that? I only ever think of you. My brain doesn't even know what to think of otherwise. Would you mind to explain what or who got you thinking this way?" He k ow demanded further explanation.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I'm gonna head home." Was the only answer you gave him, taking your bag, ready to leave him the fuck alone with his new girl.

"I think the fuck not." Bucky walked in front of you, blocking your way.

Now it was your turn to be surprised. He never talked to you like this. He barely cursed.

"I really should though, I don't wanna take away your quality time with someone else." It may have sounded childish but you meant it. You didn't wanna take away his chance to find and enjoy love. You've done that enough the past years.

"What are you even talking about? I don't have anyone else to spend my time with, are you kidding me?" He was endlessly confused.

This was the last straw, now you were getting angry. He should stop acting like he wasn't meeting up with this girl that he met at a party. You were fucking there when they introduced each other. And you were convinced he had already slept with her. Though you wouldn't blame him, as she really was gorgeous, not only that, but she seemed genuine, too. A real catch.

"Are you kidding me?! James, stop acting like there's nothing between Anna and you! I know there is, I have eyes, you know. Besides, Steve always tells me how much you talk, not only with her but also about her. And knowing that makes me sick! I want you to be happy, and if that happiness doesn't require me, I'm fine with that, but I don't wanna watch you fall in love with her! I just can't, okay? So my decision is to avoid you two so I don't have to look at it any fucking longer, or else I'll go insane!" That's it. That's all you had to say. It was more than you intended to but at least you've got it out.

Bucky just stood there, completely baffled, speechless. He couldn't believe it.

You've tried to shove him out of your way, but he didn't budge.

"If you aren't gonna say anything, can I leave?" You groaned, feeling vulnerable now that he knew your heart.

"So you are telling me, you're jealous of Anna? Of someone who'll always be more interested in you than me?" Your heart began to race.

"Are you implying that she isn't into guys?" You wanted to make sure, not quite getting his point.

Bucky nodded calmly.

"Yeah, she's into you though." He replied.

"Oh my God!" You scoffed, embarrassed by yourself, looking anywhere except his eyes.

"I really thought you liked her. I thought you two were hooking up. I'm so sorry for misinterpreting this, James."

"Quit with the 'James'. You were jealous, weren't you?" He nudged you.

"I guess I was." You nodded shyly.

"Does that mean that- that you like me?" His cheeks getting rosy, you looked up at him.

"Of course I like you, dork!" You laughed, but he sighed.

"No I mean; really like me. As in you're in love me?" Bucky was unsure and scared asking this, but it was time to make this confession.

You looked away, your smile turning into something more vulnerable.

"I don't know? I just want you to myself. I want you to only take care of me, no one else. You're only boy I would let sleep in my bed next to me. And over all I guess I wouldn't mind being more than just a friend to you."

Bucky gently stroked your tear stained cheek, looking lovingly into your eyes.

"You've always been more than a friend to me Y/n. If you let me, I would like to call you my girlfriend and not just my best friend. Because hell, I fucking am in love with you!" He leaned in and let his lips softly touch yours for the first time. It was even better than he imagined it to be.

You two kissed for the following ten minutes without having to take a break. When he carefully let go of your lips to breath, he leaned his forehead against you and sighed once again, this time in utter happiness.

"So what do you say? Will you finally be mine?" His voice sweet and so full of love, just like the kiss you had shared.

"I don't know, what did you say? Anna likes me, yeah?" You joked, giggling into his chest.

He laughed along with you.

"Don't you dare." Bucky smiled, giving you another kiss.

He knew he wouldn't ever be able to get enough of the girl he was now finally allowed to call his.

[eff-plays]

On these notes, can I umm ... have Tavs who are like ... their own people. With personal issues and hangups and conflicts and preferences. I need Tavs who have spines, who don't just exist to be soft and gentle for Astarion's sake, who don't exist to be therapists for him. Like I get it, it's self-care for writers to some extent, but it just makes for such boring reading when a Tav is always 100% understanding and pliable for Astarion. When they're head over heels instantly and understand him perfectly with minimal explanations. When they can somehow tell, feel his pain through nothing but his eyes. After knowing him for days, hours, seconds.

Need Tavs who don't let him drink from them and/or tell him to only bite enemies because it's more pragmatic. Tavs who don't get off to his bites and in fact find them painful and inconvenient. Tavs who disagree with him to his face. Tavs who call him out when he's being a cunt.

"I didn't tell anyone you're a vampire because it's not my secret to tell" but why? He never asked to keep it a secret, and he attacked you. In your sleep. You owe him nothing, and he could pose an active danger to the others if you don't tell them? How do you know he doesn't? He's done nothing to earn your trust, yet you offer it anyway. And you're not written to be stupid, just that you innately know he's important/damaged somehow, so what gives?

It annoys me that the only time meta knowledge is used it's in his favor. Like Tav just knows he's good deep down somehow. Despite him being a huge cunt constantly. Like, he kills Tav if they fail to make him stop. Without remorse. He even jokes about it later when they have the audacity to be upset about it. But that's never even a fear some Tavs have. When it makes far more sense to be suspicious he'd do that than trusting him instantly.

And another thing like ... So many Tavs are just orbiting Astarion. Just straight up fail to make connections of friendships with anyone else. They'll also have some sad backstory of course, but only Astarion is somehow aware of it, he's the only one who has any insight into their inner turmoil while everyone else doesn't give a shit, I guess. Which is just. He gets to both have the benefit of the doubt and special insight and understanding of Tav. He gets to have all the cards.

Where's the mess. Where's the conflict. Where's the intrigue and fun of two actual individual people learning to overcome their differences and/or finding comfort in their similarities?

Idk I realize I'm barking up the wrong tree because this is generally the state of most fic and the romance genre in general but it's extra evident in the Astarion fandom where he's elevated to the status of the ultimate victim and ultimate sex god so any conflict is untenable because he's soo vunlerable and sensitive and all situations must have him coming out on top or else it'll be ... idk, problematic? Abusive? Traumatic to him? What's the reason?

It ends up just doing him a disservice? Part of what makes the romance so compelling-in game (at least the Spawn route) is that Tav challenges him and his assumptions. That they push back. But in fic these Tavs "push back" by just accepting his bullshit with a smile and waiting for him to realize he's being a bitch on his own, I guess. He's also rarely allowed to be silly or cringefail, which he canonically is, and he's so coddled that it makes it look like this grown-ass man can't handle anyone disagreeing with him or teasing him, so he's always paired up with the most weaksauce spineless soft quirky manic pixie dream Tav imaginable.

Like. It's always "Uwu how can I make him happy? Anything to make him happy!" What about you hon? What do you get out of this relationship, babygirl?

And tbh this is headcanon of course but I just don't think he'd respect a doormat Tav very much. He needs to be sprayed with water every now and then. For his own good.

Whatevs. I mean write whatever you want. But. Man. I just want more cool Tavs. And less stunted and flattened Astarion who can't take a joke or a goof or a gaff, who's always too cool to fail or be wrong.

And before someone says "this is why Durge is better!" I have no interest in Durge and do not read Durge fic sorry. Also that wound't even be true.

[wyllaztopia]

It's probably preferable if you don't reply to this. But do as you like.

Ah, forgive me. Let me be a little less chronically online.

I didn't mean to imply anything by it—it's just common to see, given your age and the kind of content you make/who you interact with. A common pattern. I'd rather rip off the bandaid and get it out of the way, than to be surprised later.

It's hard to ask these sort of things. The topic can be delicate, and I have no interest in bringing you harassment for any kind of opinion on this sort of thing. People can take things like shipping too seriously. ^^;

But because of that—I don't know if you're that kind of person either, so I wanted to ask. I think everyone can agree that it's fine to stay away from things that make you uncomfortable.

It's just if you feel strongly enough about it to condemn the people who do take interest in that sort of thing. If you think the witch hunting and death threats that propagates is acceptable. That's really what I was looking for in your response.

A lot of people can be like that. It's a popular stance, these days.

But you seem sensible enough. Of course, have whatever opinions you like. It's none of my business and you owe no one any explanation.

I only ask because it affects my ability to engage with your content. I would rather not eat the food of someone who wants to poison me, right? It seems in poor taste.

I look forward to your work in the future. Thank you for your consideration.

i'm going to respond so people don't misunderstand my original post, thank you so much for clarifying!

i do not agree with any type of harassment or death threats sent to a person no matter that may have done. if they do something extremely illegal or messed up, i believe it's better to either report to the proper authorities, spread awareness under the notion to warn and protect others, and then stay away from the person.

it is not that hard to block a person, there's no need to spread hate. just simply do the right and decent thing. if people don't agree with me and you're into witch hunting, you're free to stay away from my blog.

so for clarification, i don't support the weird messed up stuff from pr-shippers (if that's what you call them), but i also won't go through extreme lengths such as the antis (the witch hunters and the death threat sendrers lol). i'd rather avoid taking sides and just stay away from content that makes me uncomfortable and i know is wrong.

i'm not very strong on the shipping community, any ship art i make is essentially just drawn for fun - i don't intend to market my blog as shipping content. however, i won't accept art request with illegal and messed up ships (extreme age gaps, inc-st, none of that please!)

thank you for bringing this up. i realized that people might need this clarification after bringing up some ships in my blog. hope you all have a good day!