#I'm sending mental hugs their way whenever they comment just so you know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

space-kitten-606 · 2 years

Note

Hello! I just wanted to tell you that I love your blog!! I'm new on tumblr and I love Mysme and Saeyoung! And your writing is so beautiful!🥺 Your fics always fill me with warmth and your understanding of Saeyoung's character is so on point! I have told you before how one of your pieces helped me get the closure I wanted which the game couldn't provide and now reading your other pieces is my prime source of comfort 💖

I know you haven't been posting lately surely because of real life stuff, but I'm hoping and patiently waiting for you to post or open your requests whenever you feel like! Meanwhile I will continue devouring your previous works and swoon💕💕💕

Following you was the best!!♥️♥️♥️

Please take care of yourself and talk to us whenever you want to ♡

Sending lots of love and warm hugs🫂💕

Oh? My? God? This ask is the cutest thing ever, thank you so much for all those kind words!! You really made my day with this!!

I'm happy to hear my writing is such a great source of comfort for you. I'm trying my best to get Saeyoung just right, and I'm glad that apparently I'm hitting the mark :D

True, I have not been posting a lot. Some of it is real life stuff indeed, but in other ways, I am very demotivated. I'm sure you have seen the occasional post I shared about lack of interaction in the form of comments and reblogs. I understand that this fandom is not as active as it was 4 years ago, which was when I joined, but the decline was very noticeable even then. Looking at the creators in other fandoms, I can tell that it is also just a shift in tumblr culture I suppose, even more so as users that have been used to TikTok, Twitter and Instagram migrate. I'm happy to see people join this site, but on the other hand I really wish that they would listen to us creators when we tell them how this site works, instead of throwing insults at us, calling us greedy and ungrateful. It is very discouraging putting your work out there, or even sitting down and writing in the first place, if you know that the hours of work you have put into it will probably not be appreciated. Every single time I post, it's an incredible blow to my mental health, because every single time I get disappointed. And don't get me started about the people that will reblog the posts about how reblogs are important for creators and then scroll over my writing anyway, only leaving a like. Anyone who feels called out on this, yes I am probably talking about you. I see you in my notes. Furthermore, I keep seeing people going through my recent posts and reblogging every single piece of art, but none of my writing. It just gets a like and they move on. And at this point, I don't know what to do. I am putting read mores on all of my posts. I tried different lengths before the cut off, but no matter how short, it doesn't get shared. I have a rule in my rule post that asks requesters to either reblog or give me written feedback, but for the longest time, I haven't seen it happen. I feel like a broken record. I feel ignored. And it makes me sad.

If anyone who reads this even just things about telling me "you should write for yourself", then I'm going to come to your house and beat you with a steel pipe. Yes, I should write for myself. But I post for you. I write your requests for you. And in extension to this, I often also write for you, because otherwise I just keep those ideas in my head.

I'm sorry for ranting so much about this, but as you can see I have very strong feelings about this situation. So. I'm not opening my requests for now, because honestly I'm sick of only giving and using my free time to give joy to people that refuse to give back.

If you want to however, you can send something in and I will see if it sparks anything. After all you are one of the few people who have actually shown support in the last few months.

I really hope this message didn't ruin the intention of your ask. As I said, I really appreciate you and I appreciate seeing you in my notes with your kind tags. They always bring a smile to my face. Stay safe and healthy and I hope you're having a wonderful day/night. Sending you lots of hugs as well.

#kitten talks #lusree #rant #sorry to put all this negativity under your beautiful message #but I'm so tired of this situation

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bearriebelliejam · 3 years

Text

"Hit One Where One Lives"

Summary ↳ Atsumu has had feelings for you since the day you've met, and he's always had trouble controlling his urges.

Words ↳ 1,566

Tags ↳ 18+, NSFW, characters above legal age, descriptions of NSFW fantasies, no actual fucking, atsumu is horny, mentions of high school days, angst but only like a couple sentences

A/N ↳ ahh I'm so sorry this is short and got cut off, but if you guys like it and want more please lmk!!

hit one where one lives

hit (one) where (one) lives

To affect one on a personal or intimate level.

People by nature only care about an issue if it hits them where they live.

Atsumu Miya was good at a lot of things.

Setting, spiking, serving, receiving, and bargaining for discounts on fatty tuna.

But one thing that Atsumu could never, ever bring himself to perfect was the art of conveying his feelings properly. It was something Osamu had confronted him about during their early high school years, recognizing his twin’s coping mechanism to protect him from his own self-destructive thoughts. A strained smile and bottles of bright yellow hair dye could only do so much for the rather eccentric Miya twin, something his brother had warned him would lead to burnout by his early 20’s. Atsumu, at the time, would only laugh it off, claiming that his inquisitive behavior was more stalkerish than affectionate.

This was until Atsumu had cost Inarazaki their spot in the nationals during his first year. He had never considered himself to be someone with butter fingers, in fact, he prided himself in his setting skill. Too much sometimes. Atsumu’s scalp felt raw from how his fingers dug into his hair, pulling at the obnoxiously dyed strands as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. It felt juvenile. He was in high school now, he had no reason to be mourning over such a stupid mistake.

Atsumu flinched lightly when the cool condensation of a plastic water bottle hit his calf, feeling the Air Conditioning in the now almost empty stadium blowing against the wet spot on his leg. Maybe he was dreaming, he thought, looking into the slightly glossy eyes that bore back into his. Yep, definitely dreaming. Little did he know those eyes would be the focus of his J/O sessions for the rest of his life.

His breath caught in his throat as your rosy cheeks swelled with your smile, although empathetic. It was too much of a foreign feeling to him. You were just doing your job, being the one and the only manager of a team as arduous as Inaraziki- in the same grade as him, no less- meaning that you had to sniff out each and every demanding member. Atsumu didn’t think he could ever forget how you sat next to him that day, softly rubbing the area between his shoulder blades and whispering soft words of encouragement as you helped him pop the lid on his bottle. You admitted to him about how even though you barely knew shit about volleyball, you could tell from the way his teammates and captain regarded him after the match that it wasn’t his fault. That night, after walking you home and waving you off down your driveway, Atsumu felt a foreign feeling rising in his chest.

This feeling would only continue to grow over the next four years.

Whether it be the way you had to clutch your knees every time he made you laugh too hard, the way you’d sneak a pudding to him during the mornings where your classes lined up, or the way that you’d both pull some sort of immature prank on his disgruntled brother. It was safe to say that you two were super close. But not in the way that Atsumu wanted you to be. Alongside every little detail that made you a great friend, there were way too many details that made you desirable. That time during the summer when it got so hot that you stripped yourself of your short sleeve for a tank top that accentuated every one of your curves still keeps him up at night. Not to mention the form-fitting elastic shorts that hugged your ass so right that even the newbies on the team couldn’t help themselves from trying to sneak a peak.

This would continue up until graduation, where Atsumu opened the door to your very teary-eyed and very emotional-looking self. Your eyes were brimming with tears, and he didn’t think those delectable swollen cheeks of yours could puff out any more than they already were. With shaky hands, you lifted the slightly crumpled piece of paper up to your chest. The thick black letters of ‘MSBY’ must have grown fists and hit him in the gut because before he knew it, he was lifting you a foot off the ground with an enthusiastic spin.

Fluffy white cotton surrounded Atsumu’s vision as he dried his hair from the shower, letting out a long sigh of relief at the feeling of his muscles relaxing after such a long practice session. It was the off-season, and the MSBY Black Jackals were taking the time off doing what they always did. Play volleyball. Obviously not to the extent as they would during the actual season, but every moment spent not doing something productive was a second basically submitting victory to the other team. That’s how Bokuto put it at least, before ultimately spraining his wrist from going too hard on the dumbbells. Safe to say both Coach and Akaashi were not happy.

“Hey, Omi-om, you should totally let me borrow that body spray you got.” Atsumu didn’t typically wear any sort of cologne, but the way you had him bend down to your level to smell his shirt collar after Kiyoomi’s scent wafted onto him was the result of a long sleepless night for him.

“Get your own, Miya.” Kiyoomi scoffed, rolling his eyes as he threw on his MSBY brand sweater. Atsumu pouted, quickly forgetting about every single one of his surroundings as he saw his phone light up with your contact name, your photo staring back at him expectantly. He had taken the photo when you had dragged him to the mall with you once, having slid a 20-yen coin into the slot of a mechanical bull riding machine. He had found it amusing at first, the way you had desperately grasped at the horns of the animal as it began to speed up, but his laughter was caught short. His eyes had trailed down your back that was arched suggestively off the saddle, hips moving with the steady bucking of the machine-

“Shit-” Snapping himself out of his erotic memory, he quickly clicked the green ‘answer call’ button. “Hello?” “Atsumu, are you almost done getting ready yet?” Your voice alone was enough to ease the tension building inside of him, shoulders relaxing as he let out a low chuckle.

“Why, missing my pretty face?” He could at least acknowledge that he only flirted with you to try and ease the urges growing inside him, he wasn’t that stupid. It was also partially because of the way the tips of your ears would redden at his sly comments, but you would always brush it off as being part of his play-boy-like personality. If only you knew how much he wanted to change that.

“I’m missing that your pretty face isn’t hurrying the hell up and getting in my goddamn car.” The teasing lilt to your voice did nothing to prevent the way his chest swelled when you called him pretty, a stupid, joyous smile spreading on his lips.

“Alright, alright, hold your horses. I’ll be right out.” You blew a raspberry into your phone, Atsumu giving one of his own before hanging up and grabbing his gym bag.

Nudging open the locker room door with his side, Atsumu had to force his dick from twitching in his shorts as he witnessed the sight in front of him. You were bent over the reception desk of the college gym, talking to the lady behind the desk as you fiddled with the heel of your stiletto. His eyes traced the way the fabric of your skirt hugged down your thighs. You really had no idea what you were doing to him. Discreetly making his way up behind you he shot the desk lady a wink with a finger over his lips, receiving a gulp and small nod from her before turning back to you.

“And that’s when I told Coach, we need to stop letting Bokuto near the equipment when he’s having one of his emo-” A dramatic squeal ended up finishing your little rant as Atsumu’s muscled arms hooked under your shoulders and yanked you off the floor. In the midst of your flailing, you caught a glimpse of bleached blonde hair in your peripherals. “Atsumu Miya set me down this instant!” Although your face was contorted in frustration, the laughter that slipped between your words disclosed your amusement.

The specific position that Atsumu had you in reminded him of one of the fantasies he had of you once. Your breath hot against his cheek as he plowed into you from behind, strong hands caressing the bulge that appeared in your stomach whenever he bottomed out. He would feel the sweaty slap of your ass against his pelvis with every harsh thrust, cries escaping your lips at the feeling.

“Atsumu?” You looked over your shoulder at the athlete in confusion. Realizing that he had spaced out, Atsumu mentally slapped himself as he smirked and set you down. “Sorry, sweetheart, got lost in thought.” He ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to act casual, which was not missed by the reception lady as she grabbed her jacket and left the office, clearly sick of the flirting. A familiar smile spread across your cheeks, ears tinting in the way that made his cock twitch in his shorts, this time failing to conceal it. “Your place tonight, right?”

“You know it.” You giggled. This was going to be a long night for him.

dm/send an ask to be added to my @ list!! currently empty <3

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jediken0bi · 3 years

Text

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #reader insert #fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds imagine

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luv-skz · 3 years

Note

Can I request a stray kids lee know confessions after he finds out your his secret admirer

omg, i was actually reading skz as your secret admirer, btw thank you and here it is, sorry it's reaaaaally long.

Happy STAY 3rd birthday !!!! hope you guys are having a great day and just as han said don't sleep in saying it's your birthday, wake up early in a good mood, enjoy your 3rd birthday, i love you guys so much and i think (I'm sure) stray kids loves you more. sarangae stay <//3

skz headcannon; lee know — secret letters

his laughs, his smile, his sarcastic comments in between classes, his humour, his way of taking care of others without showing it, everything attracted you to him

the only problem was you were scared of confessing this to him

so the best way was to say these was anonymously

you had a routine of sending him letters, only hoping that he never finds out who is behind the letters

but sad lucky for you, minho had a mission to find out who is writing these cute letters to him

he haven't told anyone about this but whenever he feels down or demotivated or messes up his choreo, he always reads your letters, it makes him feel good and motivated and kinda boosts his ego

so he decided to have a plan to figure out who is behind these letters

he thought of asking his friends help but knowing they are quite loud, he didn't think anyone would have been of help

his plan was to come early than his usual time when no one is there and maybe hide in his class to catch the cute secret admirer red handed

as planned he reached as early as he can, as expected no one was in the school except the watchman and few teachers

his usual seat is in the last row near the window in middle, so he went to the farthest corner in the back and kinda hide their and waited

after a few minutes he heard the door of classroom open

he peaked and saw you, you both were in same class, so he assumed maybe you were just early today

but when he saw you going towards his seats, he picks up the pieces and realized you were his secret admirer

he saw you putting the letter under his desk and sitting back to your own place

he waited a while until he saw other students starts coming to class

you put your head on your desk, getting mentally ready to start another school day not knowing that since than onwards a particular handsome dork is gonna notice you a lot too much

he never realised before that you existed, maybe he never payed attention to anyone except his friends, or maybe because you were too shy, either way he regretted not knowing you before

the way you laugh with your friends, smile towards others, the way your eyes roam around the book lazily when the class is boring, everything felt enchanting to him

it didn't took him long to get a crush on you, his friends also noticed the change in him, the way he shy smiling whenever he reads your letter, and a tint of blush (that he wholeheartedly denies lol)

he also wanted to just give you a tight hug whenever he reads your letter, he wanted to end all these secret-hiding thing and just want to confess

so he decided to confront you but not directly, he wanted to confront you red-handed

the plan was same, he would come early and wait but this time he would reveal himself rather than secretly spying

as you reached school on your own time, with a letter in your hand, you decided that this time you would leave some sweets with the letter too

as you reached your class and was about to put the sweets and letter on minho's desk, a hand capture you in the act

you flinched not knowing there was someone, and the more you got scared looking at the owner of the hand

lee minho, your long time crush, standing there caught you red-handed, looking that handsome with black tee underneath his opened white shirt.

you wanted to tell him about you being his secret admirer but you never thought it would be this early

"what are you doing?" he asked with a look that screams that he knows what you were doing

"i-i nothing, i was just about to open the windows" you said

"while coming towards my desk?" he said with his one eyebrow raised

"i think you forgot you seat near the window" you said gaining some confidence

he smirked and said, "oh yeah, than what's that in your hand?"

"that doesn't concerns you"

"well it does concerns me, when that letter is meant for me" he said taking the letters from your hand

before you could stop him, he opened the letter with a soft smile gazing his face

“for how long you were going to hide huh?” he asked looking directly in my eyes

the way he looked at you, it just captivate you

"yk if you could have said this sooner in person, you didn't have to waisted all your time writing these cute letters" he said

"so you are rejecting me?" you asked kinda scared

he suddenly came close and hugged you, "if i wanted to reject you i would have done it the day i found out about it" he said while chuckling

"you knew?" you asked while returning his hug

"huh I'm lee minho, i know everything" he said with a smirk on his drop dead gorgeous face

you just laughed knowing this is the Minho you falled for, the goofy sarcastic handsome and caring minho

since than you onwards you went to a lot of dates and soon you became his girlfriend, and mom of his three cats (dw his cats likes you too)

end -

listen to this song on your stay BIRTHDAY, ily <3

masterlist

#stray kids #stray kids reaction #bang chan #han jisung #hyunjin #jeogin #lee felix #lee know #changbin #seungmin #lee know reaction #lee know headcanons #lee know imagines #lee know drabbles #happy STAY day #stray kids stay

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

Text

JOHNNY ‘COCO’ CRUZ x READER ⨟ PROMPT + SONGFIC

Aurora comments: I was in a mental breakdown with Coco, since a month ago. I just wanna say thanks to @chibsytelford and @satchie666 for helping me with some tips to bring back my inspo with him. Honestly, I think this is one of my favorites writings, a fucking masterpiece. I have mixed three requests and added one of my favorites spanish songs (I translated it under every part of the lyrics). I just hope you enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it.

Anon #1 asked: may i request 19 and 29 with coco?

Anon #2 asked: 37 and 39, angst, coco cruz

@hoooli13 asked: Hi I love your writing! Could you write 19. “You’re the only good thing I have”. With coco?

Song: ‘Orgullo’, Justin Quiles ft Káren Méndez.

Prompts:

19. “You’re the only good thing I have”.

29. “I don’t deserve you”.

37. “Stop ignoring me, please…”

39.“We need to talk”.

Word Count: 2k (including the lyrics and the translation)

Author comments: The paragraphs in italic mean that it’s a past situation. This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @sheeshgivemeabreak @destynelseclipsa ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Él me dice que le llame, que no duerme temprano. Si no textea, no texteo y si no llama, no llamo. Pero él es igual…

(He tells me to call him, that he doesn't sleep early. If he doesn't text me, I don't text him and if he doesn't call me, I don't call him. But he does the same…)

It’s been almost two weeks since that night when, apparently, you fucked up whatever you and Coco had. Comings and goings of furtive kisses and improvised sex. You were catching feelings, he was catching feelings too. It’s the thirteenth night that you are sitting on the sofa, waiting for a call or a text, waiting even for an email. You know he is on line, you can see him writing you with those three grey points flashing in your screen. But the text never comes.

“Stop ignoring me, please…”

You would like him to write you, but he doesn’t do, so you either. Pride is stronger than you want to admit. The phone flies off from your hand with an angry move, crashing against the wall and breaking into pieces. And you don’t even care, because he won’t budge.

Estamos envueltos en un juego, donde somos prisioneros del sentimiento que llevamos por dentro. Me siento incontento, y yo sé…

(We're wrapped in a game, where we're prisoners of a feeling we carry inside us. I feel unhappy, and I know…)

“(Y/N), Templo, now. We need to talk”. Bishop just says, as soon as you cross the main door of the clubhouse.

Everybody is staring at you, confused by the way he has talked to you. So serious, so dry. For a second, just for a second, you look at Coco. Maybe you’re ignoring each other, but he’s worried too. Licking your lower lip, you leave your bag over the empty table, before continuing your steps to the meeting room. Closing the glass colorful door, you find the man sitting on his chair having a smoke of his cigar.

“Sit”.

You obey, as a dog would do when the master talks.

“Why are you late?”

“I just… Last night I had a problem with my phone, and I needed a new one. I’m sorry, Prez, it would never happen again and… I’ll recover this lost hour today. I promise”.

He nods in silence, having a sip from his coffee.

“What’s up with Coco, ah?”

“Orgullo, Bishop. Eso es lo que está sucediendo”. (Pride, Bishop, that’s what’s happening).

“Fix it. I don’t care how. But… this situation is awkward and uncomfortable for every one of us”. He leans over the table, supporting his weight on his forearms. “I love you, and you’re a good mechanic. But he is a Mayan”.

And you know what that means. You can’t help but let some tears run out from your eyes when you're grabbing again your bag. The guys look more worried now, and even if you just want to punch Coco on the face, you lead your steps to the huge warehouse next to the club. Throwing your stuff somewhere on the ground, you attack enraged the punching bag hanging from the metallic ceiling. Your cry gets more angrier when you feel two big arms surrounding your body.

“Com’ere, McGregor”.

Angel whispers on your ear, putting you away from it to turn you under his grip, hugging you tightly. You’re furious. Really furious. And your cry floods the place making some echo, while the oldest Reyes tries to comfort you. Fucking pride that doesn’t let you talk with him. And when you do, is his who talks for him.

Me esta matando el orgullo, cuando más quiero estar al lado tuyo. De solo verte concluyo que tú eres para mí y yo soy para ti.

(Pride is killing me, when I want to be by your side the most. Just seeing you I know you are for me and I'm for you).

Maybe you drunk too much that night, starting with beers to end up with a bottle of tequila. You were needing some fresh air, walking in some kind of zigzag to the empty yard. Having a deep breath with eyes closed, you continued your clumsy steps to the farthest picnic table. And you decided to have your own party. Playing some latin music in your phone, and leaving it over the wood, your body began to move alone, under the influence of the rhythm and the alcohol wreaking havoc on your mind. You saw him coming towards you, a little harmed too. He threw the cigar away, holding the hand that you were offering him.

You were having a good time alone, but with him, it only got better. His chest was pressing your back. His arms surrounding your waist, and your hips dancing against him. You could feel his warm breath on your neck, colliding in a delicious way, before starting to kiss your left shoulder. Since the moment you two met, a sexual tension got installed between both, following you whenever you went. And his mouth was feeling so good on your skin, that you wanted to taste it.

No sé por qué el orgullo nos está matando, si tú eres mía, bebé. Ya sabes desde cuando. Nuestras miradas aquel día estaban chocando, y al besar tus labios el deseo iba aumentando.

(I don't know why the pride is killing us, if you're mine, baby. Our looks were crashing that day, and when I kissed your lips the desire incresed).

Turning under his arms, your faces met, twisting a little your necks. Your bodies kept moving to the sound of the song, your noses almost touching. Eyes closed, drinking each other breathings. You wanted too bad to kiss him. He wanted too fucking bad to kiss you. With a hand on your lower back, he wrapped your throat with the other to push you a little bit closer. Enough to you. Your mouth found the other with a ephemeral caress full of desire. You were playing, and he didn’t like it. Coco pressed his lips on yours, not wasting another second, looking for your tongue with his. And it was like an explosion. Your hands getting tangled in his hair, while you two continued dancing, with a leg between yours and vice versa.

It was like touching heaven with your fingertips.

“Shit, I don’t deserve you, mami. You’re a fuckin’ blessing”.

Es que tú me tienes a mí en un vaivén, y me matan las ganas de volverte a ver.

(You have me in a swing, the desire to see you again is killing me).

“Who’s that mami, bro’?” Coco asked to Angel, resting his shoulder against the wooden column, having a drag of his cigar.

“New mechanic. Taza’s friend, or something like”.

Che was your father’s best friend, so when you told him what you were studying, he quickly offered you to work at Romeros and Bros. It was a good opportunity to learn a little more. You saw sideways how four men walked towards your car, from where you were grabbing your stuff.

“Welcome to the fam’. I’m Angel. And these are my brothers. Coco, Gilly and Creeper”.

You smiled with pursed lips, not ashamed, but kinda like. Four big guys with tattoos and looks on their faces of being truly assholes? No, thanks.

“I’m (Y/N)”.

Since the first moment, you knew they were betting who would be the one who would end up dating you. But they were wrong.

“Don’ try to fuck with me, guys. I’m more into drivers than into riders”.

Or maybe, you were the one who was wrong.

Me está matando el orgullo, cuando más quiero estar al lado tuyo. De solo verte concluyo que tú eres para mí y yo soy para ti.

(Pride is killing me, when I want to be by your side the most. Just seeing you I know you are for me and I'm for you).

It was an innocent dance with Angel, what kick out of you two that fucking pride. When you came back to the clubhouse, holding hands and laughing loud, your favorite song were playing through the speakers. The oldest Reyes, who was your best friend since you met the Mayans, wanted to dance it with you. And you couldn’t say ‘no’. Dancing close with him, as you did many times before. The funniest thing about the night is that you danced with everybody.

Ella me dice que la llame, que no duerme temprano. Si no textea, no texteo y si no llama, no llamo. Pero ella es igual…

(She tells me to call her, that she doesn't sleep early. If she doesn't text me, I don't text her and if she doesn't call me, I don't call her. But she does the same…)

Coco has been the whole day trying to figure out what did Bishop say to you. No one, but you two, knew what happened inside the Templo. Not even Taza. He’s sitting in his terrace with both legs over the table, drinking a beer and his phone in the other one. He wants to call you. And he has been typing your number by heart, the last hour. Once and again, ending up locking the screen. Until he decides that he doesn’t want to play this game anymore. He doesn’t want to lose you. The world is less shit waking up with you.

You need to breathe fresh air, stepping out of your house with no destination. You just want to walk, leave your mind blank by listening some music, with your headphones on. Actually, you don’t give a shit about the work. You don’t want to lose him. The only moments of peace you have had, you have found them between his arms, under his kisses and his caresses. You need him. You love him.

When you want to notice where you are, your feet are leading you to his house, being pushed back to reality because of the roar of a bike coming closer. You turn at it, when the wheels stop dead making a scratchy sound. Then, you see him. And he sees you. Getting off the motorcycle, he leaves the helmet above the seat. You turn off the headphones to keep them inside a pocket, taking some steps closer about to say something. But, what can you say? He’s coming towards you too, as if it was a slow motion scene.

Me está matando el orgullo, cuando más quiero estar al lado tuyo. De solo verte concluyo que tú eres para mí y yo soy para ti.

(Pride is killing me, when I want to be by your side the most. Just seeing you I know you are for me and I'm for you).

You swallow hardly, barely breathing when Coco is just one step away from you. And maybe you don't need any words. Maybe you've been too stupid to recognize what and how you feel about the other. The mexican raises up a hand to your left cheek, resting it there, knowing that you missed him much more than you thought. His right hand helps the other to hold your face, before crashing his lips on yours. A soft needy moan drowning in your throat, when your fingers get tangled in two fist in his shirt. Your tongues stroking the other so desperate, that you don't care about being out of air.

Your back finds the wall, lifting up your arms to his neck, surrounding it; while his hands go down to your lower back. Fuck the pride.

“You're the only good thing I have, mami”.

“Tú eres para mí y yo soy para ti”.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #johnny coco cruz x reader #johnny coco cruz imagine #coco cruz imagine #coco cruz x reader #coco cruz

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deancaskiss · 3 years

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Pls help, I'm having a conversation with someone in the YT comment section and this person keep saying that Dean is straight™ because the creators said so, that Destiel is just in people's mind because, clearly, they are just Buddy. I'm so tired to feel like we are the crazy ones who only want to see Dean&Cas banging or whatever, that the show wasn't about ~romance~, that we had gay representation and they weren't killed because they were Gay since everyone dies in SPN, no matter who they are. Basically the creator is God, period (that's what the person said in a nutshell and I want to punch them but I won't answer anymore to them and lose more of my time for nothing). Ugh sorry for the rant but I need a big hug rn 😢

Hi there nonnie. My best advice is to ignore the spiteful comments that person is saying in the comment section. There’s a lot of nasty people out there deliberately saying stuff they know will upset shippers because they get a kick out of seeing people upset. It’s a nasty world, and somehow these people think they “won” in the finale and therefore can go around shooting off offensive and hurtful things to people.

We know there are so many instances throughout the series where Dean has shown interest in men. We’ve seen him check men out, we’ve seen him have crushes on men, we’ve seen him get starry eyed around men and flirt with men. We don’t need to be told Dean is straight because we have all the evidence we need to know that Dean is bi. And that’s not even including the oceans of canon facts we have to back our claims that Dean is into Cas. Even if the creators say something, that doesn’t reflect how the actors played the characters. We know Misha played Cas as in love with Dean for a long time, and the same can be said for Jensen. We know destiel is real. Cas literally told Dean he was in love with him. And there’s been so many little things post-finale to back the claim that Dean loves Cas too. We are not crazy for seeing what was laid out in front of our eyes for the last 12 years.

Whether you see Dean and Cas as being romantically and hopelessly in love, whether you want to see them being soft and loving with each other, or down and dirty, you’re allowed to see them however you want. In my mind, it’s so obvious there were was and is romance between them. Excluding the shitty writing in the last two episodes, the rest of season 15 was centered around the relationship between Dean and Cas. There was huge moments between them- from almost confessions to actual confessions. From telling each other to leave to wanting each other to stay. The relationship between them was one of the biggest aspects of the season. I refuse to touch 15x20 because it was so far off the reservation, but the whole show has been about romance and family and the love that transcends past everything.

Was there a bury the gays trope? Yeah, there was. They killed Cas right after he confessed, and they literally killed Dean days later before he could really process his feelings for Cas, effectively silencing any part of Dean that wasn’t straight. Yes, a lot of people die on supernatural. But the way some characters die, especially LGBT or characters with disabilities, was extremely harsh and uncalled for. I think, even more so, that shippers and people within the LBGT community are upset by the way these characters died. That they was no mercy, and no happy ending for any gay characters.

Also, if we’re talking about God... Chuck literally said that Cas was the thing that he couldn’t control. That our Cas was so in love with Dean that he rebelled and had free will the whole time. And if that doesn’t show you the power of love, then i don’t know what does. Maybe Chuck created everything, but Cas rebelled and made his own choices- to choose Dean and free will and his family- over and over again.

My best advice is to steer clear of people that shove those negative opinions at you. You don’t need to waste your time or your own mental health on people who are deliberately saying things to hurt you. Try to focus your time and energy on the people who have the same outlooks as you do. Spend your time talking with destiel shippers. If we all stop interacting with these haters, then they have no power over us. They go around looking for fights and looking to tear us down. Stop interacting and then they lose interest. Keep on shipping Dean and Cas. Your opinions and outlooks on the characters and the ship are valid and real. You’re not alone. There are so many other shippers who are here for you.

Also, please don’t apologize. Feel free to rant to me whenever you need. I’m always here to lend an ear and listen and to offer my best advice and comforting words. I’m sending you all the hugs in the world *pulls you into the biggest and warmest hug ever* stay strong, poppet. I love you!

#asked and answered #anon #anonymous #dont listen to the haters #you know who really won?#we did #we got cas’ confession #we know dean felt the same #we have misha and jensen in our corner #we have all the shippers and fans on our side #focus on that #you are not alone #everything you feel is valid

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jimkirkachu · 3 years

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Hi! I have to send this as anon because I'm not active on any social media - I happened on your blog recently, after watching TOS and looking for some gifs of the best moments. I've just read your latest personal blog and I must tell you to please, please, speak to a therapist, someone who can coax you out of your silence. If your family or your friends cannot listen to you, look for someone else. No one should be made to feel unworthy of attention or comfort, now more than ever.

(cont’d under link; CW depression, trauma, anxiety, covid mention, mental illness)

Still me. About the way you describe yourself in the tags: would you talk about a friend like that? Or would you use kinder words? Try to treat yourself like that friend, even if it is a small thing at first, like not using those words. Just tell yourself, like Kirk would, "not today". Life is not perfect, but it is good enough when we can say "not today", one day at a time. I'm not trying to be inspirational, but really, reality is just the story you tell yourself. Words and perspective matter.

I'm the first who'd not the slightest bit comforted whenever someone tells me they've been through a similar situation. But it's dark here, and I feel you need help. I am also a she, whose PhD dream crumbled in March, working in a job with low wages. I am lucky to be healthy and living in the beautiful Italian countryside, in a small community of people whom I call neighbours, but who are actually family. I also have two close friends, though we rarely hug or discuss intimate matters.

And like you, I have never been intimate with anyone: all my crushes were one-sided, all my loves platonic. I used to rage against it too. But we are not the only ones, we are not exceptions. We are not repulsive, or ugly, or unworthy of affection. Ours is simply a different story, one in which we get to work on ourselves first, and harder, to love the process, to love every day, to be who we are and who we cannot help but being, in a time and space in which it's hard to do it. Hang in there.

Oh my heavens, anon. First things first, I am SO so so so sorry if/that I probably missed this when it was originally sent, I've been really bad at human-ing lately and I just hope my poor communication and social media incompetence haven't negatively affected you. I am devastatingly grateful for your support, your kind words, your long and thoughtful comments--despite your advice about self deprecation, I really truly am not worth all the trouble you obviously went to on my behalf, but on the plus side that makes me appreciate your gesture and your time all the more, and with all my heart. 🥺💞💞💞

I do have a therapist, but I've only ever been able to talk to her through a texting-based platform. She’s hopeful that someday I will have worked up to being able to see her in her office; I'm less optimistic, but I guess a little hopeful myself even though I know better than to set myself up for disappointment. 😣 (I'd love to blame it all on the pandemic/quarantine, but I was in therapy for a year and a half before this all started so 😣😣) Given the circumstances, I only hear from her once every couple of weeks (which is less than usual too, since her parents were hospitalized with covid recently and she’s had to take time off to be a caretaker), so I write a LOT whenever the ball is in my court, but instant or even just same-day correspondence with her is... not a thing. Honestly, I just plain old don’t know what to do about any of it.

A significant part of my personal trouble is that I have an undiagnosed sleep problem, and my hypothesis is that it's a sleep phase disorder. I'm consistently awake at times when no one else is (aka overnight), and during the US's lockdowns that has been an especially difficult issue to deal with, as the isolation of quarantine and my nocturnal tendencies have compounded and exacerbated each other, making me feel even more alone than usual. I live with two other people, but I don't see much of them because they're "normal" people who are awake during the day. And of course my depression + ptsd + anxiety (+ everything else) cocktail is at its worst at night, so the result is that a lot of the time I actually spend awake I'm also alone with all of my darkest thoughts. And since one of my most persistent fears/assumptions is that I'm a burden on my family, friends, everyone--well, the thought of waking any of them up in the middle of the night because I'm chronically sad makes me cringe with guilt.

I'm so happy for you that you have those friends and neighbors to lean on and trust. 💜 I've tried to make friends with people on various platforms, including here, discord, and a couple of online "support group"-type message boards/organizations. But every time I form even a small connection with someone, I inevitably end up smothering the poor soul(s) by needing them too much, and/or isolating myself from them because my needy times are in direct conflict with most people's sleep schedules (and, you know, I don't want my neediness to inconvenience or burden anybody). My telephone and video-call anxieties have prevented me from properly keeping in touch with any of the irl friends I had pre-quarantine, besides which I said something really stupid in our group text at the beginning of lockdown and have been too ashamed and afraid to engage much with them ever since. 🤦 In other words, I'm basically caught in a never-ending, self-perpetuating whirlpool of isolation • desperation • embarrassment • paranoia • self-hatred • repeat.

So as for treating myself with the respect I would show anyone else... I’m trying, though I’m mostly failing. Clearly I’m bad at positive self-talk. Clearly I’m eager to use my plethora of mental complications as an excuse for my being so bad at it (especially my perfectionism and rejection sensitivity). Is there hope that I’ll ever get out of this emotional and occupational Charybdis I’ve gotten myself stuck in? Maybe, maybe not. But it hasn’t swallowed me just yet. I hate that all I really feel like I’m doing anymore is circling the drain and delaying the inevitable, but every reminder--like the one you’ve given me--of how much worse I (needlessly) make things on myself is like a little oar that helps me row the tiniest bit outward from the vortex and keeps me breathing just a tiny bit longer. 💜🛶💞 I am trying, at least I think I am, and maybe one of these days I’ll hit on a stroke I can actually replicate and sustain and use to scull my way to safer waters. It’s just... most likely going to take a hell of a lot of oars before I get to that point.

As for my perpetual and permanent state of singleness... obviously there's no way I could function in a romantic relationship while my own mind is this messed up. But even if I ever do somehow manage to get my head above water from a psychological standpoint, I have so much trauma and so many complexes (think ‘touch-deprived touch aversion’ and ‘fear of abandonment’) that I'm reasonably certain that even just one more romantic rejection would break me in the literal and permanent sense. I hope you're able to find whatever kind of relationship(s) you long for (and absolutely deserve!!) in your life, but my complaints about being single are just moments when I lose all my restraint/perspective and get angry about this big, frustratingly isolating Thing that I know I can never change or fix. 😔😖

TL;DR I still feel repulsive, ugly, unworthy of affection. I have no idea who I am, who I’m supposed to be, or who I want to be. I honestly hate this process of trying to learn to love myself (if I was worth loving, wouldn’t I love me already without having to learn how?). But encouragement like yours reminds me that my feelings aren’t necessarily representative of reality, that maybe someday way in the future I’ll actually know who I am, that maybe someday even further in the future I might even like who I am.

Thank you so much again, anon, for seeing me, for reminding me that I *am* still here. And you hang in there, too. I'm still just... overwhelmed by how gracious and compassionate you are, by how heartfelt and meaningful your messages were. Having someone know and acknowledge that I exist feels like more than I can bear right now, so having someone care enough to leave a note like this has me legitimately sobbing with gratitude and humility. 💜💜💜💜💜 I hope this horrible year at least finishes on a high note for you, and that 2021 brings you all the good and wonderful things a good and wonderful person like you should have. 💞💜💞💜💞💜💞💜💞

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