#I'm so bad at it with my endless sentences and my too much information in one go but

[trucbiduleschouettes]

1617 words of Heartbearer first draft written today! woo!!!

[softxsuki]

Hey. (°v°) Congrats on 1.5k, you deserve it Han. <3 I'm new follower and I am happy to be part of that number. For your special can I please request the troupe "He falls first and he falls harder" with someone from the Tokyo Revengers?I'm much sorry for any mistakes, my english is not good. (o_o;)

1.5K Follower Event: Trope 16 Tokyo Revengers

Trope 16: He falls first and he falls harder

This event is CLOSED for requests. You can view the masterlist here

Pairing: Shinichiro x Gn!Reader

Warnings: kissing :D

Genre: Fluff

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 600 (i got ahead of myself again)

Note: Hello <3 no need to apologize, I understood you perfectly! I thought this would be cute to do with Shinichiro. For some reason I picture him as a hopeless romantic who believes in love at first sight, so I thought this would fit him perfectly. I hope you enjoy it! <3

“Good day at work?” Your boyfriend asks, already outside waiting to pick you up on his motorcycle.

“Not too bad, it’s a weekday so it wasn’t that busy today,” you greet him with a kiss, hoping in the space behind him. He passes back your personal helmet he bought for you back when you became an official couple, and wraps his leather jacket around you, informing you to put it on for extra safety.

You slip your arms through the material, it's snug and smells like him, the comforting scent more than inviting after a full day at work.

“M’ glad to hear it was a pretty smooth day for you Y/N,” he hums, kissing your hands before guiding you to wrap them around his waist, revving his engine, “Hold tight.” And off you went, the cool breeze of the evening blowing over you, though the helmet blocked the breeze from directly hitting your face.

It felt almost like yesterday when the two of you had met at your job. Shinichiro had come in just to use the bathroom. The gang had just finished up business nearby and he desperately had to empty his bladder, much to his members groans about it. Yet it had felt like fate when he noticed you as he walked out of the restrooms; you were helping a customer, a beautiful smile on your face as you patiently listened to their question.

He was intrigued and curious to stop by again–so he did. He instructed his gang to clear up the area around your store, ensuring it was safe enough for when you left work. No other gang would be caught dead in that area lest they’d face the wrath of the Black Dragons–only if they were causing trouble!

This continued for months before his members pushed him to make a move. The guy was head over heels for you, showing up to your store even though he didn’t need anything from there, he just wanted to see you. It only took that one sentence from you, “Do you need any help with anything, sir?” Your sweet voice rang from behind him, making his heart flutter. That was all it took to get things going. The rest was history.

…

“Do you remember when we met?” You ask Shinichiro as soon as he shuts his engine off, pulling up to the front of his shop.

“Of course, how could I forget?” He laughs, hopping off the bike, lending you a hand to get off as well before gently removing the helmet from your head so he can get a better look at your face. “Though, if I remember correctly, I had seen you first for a few weeks before you ever noticed me.”

“Well yeah because you were too scared to approach me on your own,” you tease, grabbing his hand. “Do you think we’d be together right now if I hadn’t spoken to you that day myself?”

He smiles at you, rubbing his fingers over your lips in longing–he was whipped. 

“Of course. No matter how long it would have taken, I would have eventually made you mine,” he hums, connecting your lips, kissing passionately in front of his store.

Though it was true that the man holding you had fallen for you first, and continues to show you endless love and affection, you held an enormous amount of love for him as well. You couldn’t imagine your life without him now–and you silently wished, together you’d stay as he continued to attack your lips, never seeming to get enough of you.

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED :D

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 9/25/2023

[yikes-strikes-again]

highlights from my adventures in Area X, totally blind the whole time until i finished Acceptance. Spoilers for all of it.

me being neurotic about spoilers (this is a common theme)

obsessed with how this is my first instance of theorizing. the last two sentences are eerily accurate and i can't believe i said "alien planet" that's hilarious

this is good analysis too bad i was missing a key piece of information that makes my inadequate conclusion actually make sense

middle of Annihilation, first attempt at analyzing Where lies...this is actually pretty close to what I think about the tower text Now except missing the parts that would have never occurred to me without reading further (that the Crawler is Saul and that Area X is not on earth).

aw this is so cute. They don't even know about the first expedition footage with the sky leviathan POV (i have a pet theory that SR used that clip specifically to brainwash the husband. this is supported by his anecdote of falsely attributing memory to lived experience when its origin was television, as a young child)

i was so right

this is so funny. you are like a little baby

this is still Based

The Antics

this theory is so fucking funny considering how much grace hates lowry

this was like the least brutal of my Control roasts. they ramped up considerably in Acceptance

then i stopped reading the trilogy for eight months and had to start over Authority. but i still thought about it. this is me thinking about it.

This was me like a third of the way into Authority. What the fuck. It's not that creepy when you consider the information dispensed by that point but it's still kind of creepy how accurate my actual predictions were when my ideas were still wrong

then i went to sleep and

so true, me. So righteously true. magic IS real and it's coming to fuck up your town

Future me here: Yea it was a red herring

More Control roasts:

CALL ME IMPORTANT THAT'S MY NAME

Fragment of my "Area X clones are agents of germination" theory. I felt so smart at the end of Authority. So in Control if you will. And then

it was fucking life changing. the homosexuals that they were

first drama in the gc...

This is when the amount of Divine Knowledge brought to me by Accemptance started to get to my consciousness. Once i start saying phrases like "the virgin control and the chad ghost bird" and "the Caroline to his GlaDOS" and "everyone is a clone of a clone of a clone of a clone" that's when you know i've lost the thread

more disjointed quotes because i ran out of images:

"the BASED control vs. the CRINGE everyone else is no longer the dynamic because he's not narrating. i feel like i just broke up with him" "so does ghost bird probably"

"The time dilation really came out of left field. Kind of like a "well shit. thats a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving. but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work"" <- me forgetting how hard i tried to solve the mystery of the cellar journals compost

"When they see that reflection of themselves, they despise it, they need to destroy it This series is about environmentalism as much as it could be The need to make Area X an enemy with a pathological desire to destroy says more about the humans than it does Area X. When they see themselves, they hate so much what they see. But I don't think Area X necessarily hates humans at all. Only the biologist/Ghost Bird can even seem to contemplate that. Maybe Whitby could, briefly, in his endless circular ramblings, but that did not quell his fear and hatred for himself" <- rumination on automatic senseless clone violence

at one point i got whiplash from the Grumpy emotion i got from biologist's borderline ecofascism to the Intense Bittersweet of Saul's fatherly attachment to Gloria in light of everything and then the Pain of trying so hard not to laugh at the thought of someone saying "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, I'm aware this looks strange" in response to being caught washing a mouse

"phone creature even BETTER than mouse washing" I characterized the phone creature as "little Lowry - his son that he doesn't want" because that amuses me forever

i love how i'm like "i could pass on more of lowry, i'm so sick of that guy" and then proceed to write four Thousand words of meta about him. i like the Theory of lowry. he's a horrible broken man who throws drinks at milves

and i love imagining that everyone who comes back from Area X is a clone no matter what not because that makes any sense but because i get to imagine two versions of every character. i'm like "i love the idea of Lowry being a clone all this time and somehow being protected from the fact by a quirk of his creation. And that he's imperfect compared to Original Lowry in odd ways but SR just chalked up his change to the intense trauma of the event, and if it ever seriously occurred to them they decided it didn't really matter. And if he knew. I don't know what he'd do And real Lowry is a megalodon in the ocean terrorizing plankton instead of lower-tier bureaucrats"

another thought: "I still love the thing that stitches across the sky. I think it's an avian cosmic leviathan, as the biologist is an amphibious cosmic leviathan. You could call it a dragon."

i ended up with a pretty secure Grand Unifying Theory that isn't interesting because you probably all have the same one. It's about the process

my final words of wisdom:

that's the books.

[ughmyreality]

do you have any tips to share on writing?

Hey, thank you for asking. I'm no stickler for grammar or a linguistic expert, so keep that in mind. This will also be a lowkey long post because I genuinely appreciate that you asked! It makes me feel like I know what I'm doing. I will say however, just start writing. Don't worry if something isn't "correct" because the reality is many of the so-called rules of grammar aren't even rules, but rather suggestions. People who truly enjoy what you write aren't going to be in utter shock because you made mistakes. I'm sure this post is littered with mistakes but it's the thought that matters.

I think it's also important to develop your own writing style. For example, I personally don't like wasting time writing things like, This person said "this" or "blah blah blah" she said. Because if you know who's in the conversation, I feel there's no point and it gets overly redundant repeating who's speaking. Decide what you like to do and stick to it. Others, much to my dismay, might not put quotations around anything. I think as long as someone can tell you know what you're doing then everything else can be put on the back burner.

If your goal is to be a professional writer on the other hand, just know that there are certain things you'll need to know and others that are irrelevant. Try not to get bogged down by the endless information you'll find. Like how 'dog' is the morpheme of 'dogs', how they advise that you don't end a sentence with a preposition, or don't split an infinitive even though it's done all the time (to quickly go) which is not inherently incorrect. Instead, I'd suggest looking at someone else's work and analyzing that. If you can detect things then you will be able to write them. Try identifying the parts of speech and how it's being used. You might even find that somethings come naturally, especially if what you're reading is in your native tongue, because it's apart of your innate grammar.

As far as coming up with ideas, don't shy away from getting inspiration from else where. I feel like there's a lowkey negative connotation to the idea of getting inspired by other's work but that doesn't equate to flat out stealing. If not that, despite how cliche it is, try listening to music. Often music can invoke such strong emotions, that the ideas will come naturally. If all else fails, gain inspiration from your own life. Even the most mundane things can sound extraordinary if you have the will to write it correctly. For instance, if you've never read the poem "We are Seven", its a girl explaining that there are seven siblings including herself despite the fact two are dead. Just hearing that on it's own sounds boring but I personally think it's really thought provoking when you read it. It makes you question whether or not you agree with the girl or the man. What becomes of you in the eyes of society when you die?

Lastly, don't worry too much. Your average Joe probably won't notice a problem in your writing and those who are "highly" skilled writer's won't mind. Everyone has to have a starting point so even if in your head it sounds bad, it might be someone's Roman Empire. I find that a lot of the people who harshly criticize are have a warped perspective. They simply want to say something under the guise of being constructive to be mean. All in all, the most important thing is that you enjoy what you've written and the process of writing. Don't write for the people, write for you.

[deceasedanddesist]

eyes off you ( hermione granger )

this is for kelly’s 3k writing challenge!! @anchoeritic ily kells<3

pairing: hermione granger x slytherin!reader ( half blood prince )

gender neutral! reader ( if there is a mistake or i accidentally used she/her pronouns let me know and ill fix it! )

warnings: small mentions of abuse at home, other than that just fluff and awkwardness.

notes: inspired by the song ‘eyes off you’ by prettymuch, the lyrics are bolded and italicized. y/n is the biggest simp. please ignore my grammar mistakes and my horrendous sentence structure. this also gives off major jily vibes, so do what you will with that information. I kinda went off with this I'm so sorry if it starts to get boring. images are from pinterest.

word count - 1.9k

hermione granger was a stubborn girl, that was one thing you knew for sure. when the two of you first met she had been adamant on hating your guts, excessive flirting and all. it was your persistence is what really got through to her; like starting to hang out in the library because you knew she would be there, and helping her pick up her books when some asshole seventh year—adorning the same infamous emerald green you did—tripped her up in the hall ( although not before threatening the bugger in her honour first ).

at the end of the day, the little acts of service were the things that made hermione swallow her pride and finally go on a damn date with you. at first, harry and ron were in utter shock that the girl was even considering going on a date with “the enemy” as they oh-so-subtly put it. but she just told them they were being overly dramatic, and that their input into who she decides to date was simply inadequate. so was it ever the surprise that one day when you finally worked up the courage to ask her, she actually said yes.

“are you serious?” you had expressed your complete disbelief of the words you just heard come out of the curly haired girls mouth.

“yes y/n, i am dead serious.” she had echoed back to you, looking thoroughly amused.

you were astonished, the girl that you quite frankly couldn’t take your eyes off of since fifth year actually agreed to go out with you. the gryffindor girl specifically that you had set your sights on, ignoring the warnings from your friends and backlash from your family, it had all paid off. becoming more defiant with your family last summer was no easy deed, but you knew the yelling and even the hitting was better than whatever they were scheming up for you this summer. lord voldemort was getting even closer to making sure he had a solid, fucked up, but loyal fanbase and you knew you would soon be a part of it if you didn’t get your shit together. you pretty much had a foolproof plan to get the hell out of your psycho household, you just needed to wait for the right moment to act on it.

amidst all of this, you knew it was dangerous to get involved with a muggle born, and you knew you were being selfish by risking yours and hermione’s lives. but there was something about her. the way she would make you feel when your insistent nagging got her lips to turn up just a little bit, or when you did something particularly embarrassing and finally got a boisterous laugh to erupt from her mouth in the middle of potions ( snape was not happy with the two of you ).

so you knew it was dangerous, you really did. but as soon as you saw hermione in the corridor right outside of the slytherin common rooms, waiting for you like you had anxiously asked her to after dinner yesterday, you knew you were down bad. you knew you were down bad because as soon as you saw her face drop when draco malfoy approached her, your heart lurched and you basically sprinted to where she was standing. she was in the middle of telling malfoy to shut up when you slid up beside her and threw an arm around her shoulder ( because protective instincts.... duh! ), somehow managing to simultaneously tell him to “sod off” and flip him the bird while hermione sunk into your side like there's no place she’d rather be.

as the two of you ran off, you couldn't help but mutter into her ear “mione, i'm not sure.....but i think his father will be hearing about this.”

you had a feeling that the laugh she let out was one you’d be hearing in your dreams for a while.

“so, where would you like to take me y/n.” she spoke, the air of the previous laughter still heard in her voice.

“tell me anything you wanna do.”

she hummed  “i don't know. how about the three broomsticks?”

while you were mulling it over, she slipped her hand in yours. your head immediately turned to meet her eyes.

there's no touch or feeling

pleasure or pain

anything like the way you're runnin' through my veins

the sudden affection had you choked up, and you had to clear your throat before continuing “um, that sounds great.”

as soon as the consent left your lips she was dragging you up the road and into the warmth of the pub, where madame rosmerta greeted the two of you at the front door. hands still intertwined, you ordered two butterbeer before wandering off into a booth. it was cozy, and you found yourself ravishing in the feeling of it all; going on hogsmeade dates, holding hands, and curling up in a booth with your drinks. it wasn’t long before you and hermione were mindlessly chatting about anything and everything, falling so deeply into conversation. only breaking out when you make her laugh, or when you go speechless at the broad smile that completely lights up her face, something that you noticed was specifically reserved for silly stories about harry and ron or her parents. you hoped that someday she would be able to talk about you with that marvellous smile on her face.

“you’re staring.” she looked adorably embarrassed at the sentiment, heat rising to her cheeks.

“I just can't take my eyes off of you.” it was a bold ( albeit true ) statement, and hermione swore to merlin you looked like you never meant any other utterance more.

“that's very generous of you, but i'm afraid i'm not that attractive.”

you looked at her in complete disbelief, “okay, okay, i’m going to wholeheartedly disregard what you just said,” taking a pause for dramatic effect “because you are the single most beautiful girl i've ever laid my eyes on, hermione granger.”

if the girl wasn’t blushing before, she was now. the way she was scrunching up her nose was the cutest, and you found her obvious inability to take a compliment quite charming. it actually boosted your own confidence, and you found yourself wanting to shower her with praises for the rest of your life just to see her reaction over and over again.

“what?” you teased, a sly smile making its way onto your face, “don't tell me potter and co deprive you of the flattery you deserve.”

the way she tilted her head and had her eyes narrowed ever so slightly told you everything you needed to know, she watched as your eyes widened in shock but shook it off because of the awkward air that was suddenly formed over the topic.

you were quite literally panicking, what if you just ruined everything? curse your slytherin ambition, you must’ve gone too far with your allusive comments. hermione hadn’t talked for about five minutes now, opting to finish her butterbeer, and the energy full of endless conversation dissipated long ago. your mug was still half full, sitting in front of you. you were just sitting there, staring at it, frantically searching your brain for something to talk about but you were fucking blanking. you were failing at pretty much the only thing you pride yourself on, and it happened to be the thing that got hermione to even go out with you in the first place.

once hermione was finished nursing her drink, you decided to speak now before she decided to make up an excuse to leave. “I'm sorry if I went too far, I do that sometimes and I made you uncomfortable, and i'm so sorry.”

then, she did the one thing you would have never even fathomed. she laughed. the girl was chortling, her head thrown back and when she finally came down from her fit she had tears running down her face.

“I'm sorry,” she said, noticing your eyebrows furrowed in concern “i've just never had someone apologize for complimenting me.”

you let out an anxious chuckle, “well you did kind of stop talking there, i figured i hit a nerve.”

“oh no! i just used to, um, fancy ron and he hasn't complimented me nearly as much in 6 years then you’ve had in an hour.” she stumbled over her words a bit as she spoke, evidently uncomfortable discussing her previous crush on weasley.

“well,” you dragged on, “i think you deserve all the flattery in the world.”

you swore to salazar slytherin himself her smile lit up the whole room, and your heart swelled when she reached over the table to grab both of your hands and link them with hers.

“how about we go for a walk, the black lake maybe?” the suggestion brought your attention to how dark it had gotten outside, you estimated that you had about an hour till the sun set. you smirked.

“I see you’re trying to snag a sunset kiss by the black lake, granger.”

your smirk turned into a full on smile as she got flustered once again, biting her lower lip.

“it's absolutely barbaric that you would allude to that, l/n.” the sarcasm was clear in her tone as you both erupted in a fit of giggles.

leaving the three broomsticks hand in hand once again, the two of you made your way down to the lake. you take off the sweater you were wearing to spread it across the grass for you and hermione to settle yourselves on. it wasn't very big, but neither of you seemed to mind as you snuggled into each other against the nights breeze. your arm making its way around her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around your waist and rested her head on your shoulder.

you two watched the sunset in silence. it wasn’t awkward like a few minutes ago, there wasn’t a need to fill it with dialogue, it was completely comfortable. hermione adjusted under your arm and turned her head to look at you, the sudden change in direction making a few curls get caught in her glossed lips. before she could even lift her arm, you were already there, brushing her hair behind her ear. your hand found its home behind her neck as you angled your head to brush your nose against hers, her lip unconsciously making its way in between her teeth again.

you took a sharp breath and spoke, “every little thing you do drives me wild.”  

“are you gonna give me that kiss, or keep talk-”

you could feel her words melt away against your lips as you took action and pushed her head towards yours. her hands tightening around your waist and her soft sighs as your lips connect act as reminders that she wants this as much as you, and you are so damn thankful that she leans back in after you separate to take a breath.

and the sun sets with the two of you, hanging onto each other like you were each others lifelines, previous thoughts about your family or the stupid slytherin/gryffindor feud are long gone by now. 

you decide that you can deal with all of your problems in the near future, because now you have hermione safe in your arms, and that's more than enough motivation for you to stay right where you are.

[samtheflamingomain]

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[kookieskiwi]

Badboy!au with the quote "Yeah, well i shut everyone out. Don't take it personally." with a bit of angst pwease 🥺🥺 but a lot of fluff hihi i'm sorry i asked for a lot 🥺🥺🥺 i wub u ✨

(I love it when people ask for a lot because it gives me more to go off of ❤️ and I wuv you too!!) (I changed the I to we since I write poly stuff and no member was specified )

-

You had one of the most amazing personalities anyone had ever seen. You were always caring, you put others before yourself and you gave second chances to everyone; even those that didn’t deserve it. That character trait of yours always got you into situations that had you blaming yourself for stupidity and too much kindness. Prehaps it wasn’t stupidity but it was the fact you saw the good in everyone rather than focusing on their personas and negative traits.

Some people called you näive, others called you gullible, you’d been called just about everything since you began high school. It was normal; there would be people who hated you, loved you and those that took advantage of you. You were accepting to everyone, you helped tutor those who needed it and you gave up your free time and time to do your own work in order to guide those who asked for help through the phone in order to be discreet.

It wasn’t until you met the Bangtan boys that you realized just how much people relied on you for help. They first came to you a year ago when finals begun to ask for help which basically involved you suming up an entire years worth of material in a week. It wasn’t easy since you had your own to study for at the same time but it also counted as a review guide for yourself. Since then they’ve come to you in secret or you’d go over to their shared house to help one or all of them review a topic.

Over the past few months you and the infamous bad boys had grown close meaning what had previously been school related meetings became a friendship with meet-ups that didn’t involve school at all. They became some of the closest friends you had in a long time giving you a sense of connection you didn’t know you needed.

That was however until you overheard one of their conversations as you were on your way to your vehicle. “She’s too close, we let her in and allowed this to go on for too long.” It was Namjoon speaking as he informed the others of their mistake. “But hyung, she hasn’t done anything to make us question her intentions,” Jungkook defended you in your absence which you were grateful for. It physically pained you to hear what they were thinking of you. It was one of those moments where you could actually feel your heart tearing apart as tears welled in your eyes. “Exactly and we aren’t sticking around to find out what they are.” Yoongi chimed in with Namjoon, defending the man who wanted you out of the picture.

You stood there leaning lifelessly against the wall contemplating whether or not to make a run for your vehicle. That option seemed like the best one to choose until you were too late. Apparently they had finished up their conversation and were exiting the classroom only to be met with you; the person who had shown them nothing but compassion and helped them. The soul who was once positive now felt that fullest depth of betrayal you had ever felt before.

“Y/n-“

“No.” You snapped as you returned from your lifeless state to look through blurry eyes at the men who stood before you. “I will not let myself be spoken about behind my back by people who I’ve shown nothing but kindness towards. I have no ill intentions with anyone of you unless wanting to be friends is such a terrible thing. I’ve done NOTHING but be help you when you needed it, not to mention I was the only one who took you all seriously because of the face you put up. So no. Don’t explain because I heard everything you had to say.” You told them trying to hold your composure together until you got home. You would not show weakness now more than ever, sure the tears showed it pretty well but you wanted to scream and yell at their ignorance.

Without another word you walked out of the hallway and entered your car followed by a slam of the door shut before you exited the campus. On the way to the condo which your guardians bought so you had a safe place to stay while getting an education, you broke down completely. It hurt more than you thought it would, of course you were stupid to catch a slight case of feelings for seven different guys who happened to be dating each other (a secret you came you find out when you got closer to them, they made sure no one on the outside knew) but that didn’t stop your battered heart from skipping a beat every time they smiled or laughed.

When you did arrive home you went to unlock the door with shaky hands and after multiple times of missing the keyhole you finally unlocked it. Dropping your bags you shut and locked the door behind you, taking a second before sliding down it in utter distress.

-

The next day you skipped classes all together; something you rarely did unless you were ill even then, that was only because you didn’t want to get anyone else sick. You had a headache from crying all night, your nose was stuffy, eyes puffy and red and to sum it all up: you felt like shit.

You spent the day moping around at the loss of a friendship. When classes let out you weren’t expecting anything from the boys however you received a text message stating one simple thing.

Taehyungie: Come over please.

There were no emojis, no use of a nickname....nothing, which must’ve meant this was important. So, against your minds wishes your heart dragged you to their home with heavy feet. You looked horrible and felt it too, but here you were yet again, putting others before yourself.

You didn’t even have to knock before the door was flying open followed by both Jimin and Jungkook hugging you tightly as you just stood there too tired mentally to do anything back. You were confused and they could tell so they backed off allowing you inside. You were guided to the couch where you sat hugging the arm trying to be as far away from any of them.

“Y/n, please let us explain.” Jin began hoping for you to look up at any of them but you kept your tired eyes locked on the empty space in front of you. “We have a reputation we must keep up, we can’t seem weak or things will be different for all of us.” Hoseok stated in an easy tone trying to stay calm even though he had the urge to run up to you and hug you. “Letting people in isn’t weak, it’s called being human.” You argued in a monotone still not looking anyone in the eyes.

“Yeah, well we shut everyone out. Don’t take it personally.” Yoongi spoke defensively making you absentmindedly flinch at the harsh tone in his voice. “How am I not supposed to take it personally!? You have no reason to shut me out and I’ve given you every reason to let me in!” You begun standing up and finally looking at the men who wore shocked expressions at your tone. “I don’t know what any of you have been through but I promise you this isn’t the way to live your lives. Let me in, let me show you not everyone has bad intentions with you. Let ME be the one to change your mindset. Because damnit I’m tired of being thrown out when I do nothing but help.” Your voice wavered at the end of your sentence making you curse yourself.

“Let me in because I’ve shown everything I am to you.” You whispered as a single tear rolled down your cheek but you were quick to swipe it away. “Let me in because I love you all.”

“You what-“ Jimin gasped standing up in surprise as did the others. “I know- I know it’s stupid and you’ll probably think it’s a schoolgirl crush, b-but over the past few months when I’ve gotten to know you for you and not the bad boys everyone else knows you as...I fell. Fast and hard. Which is why I’ve been so upset over what you said because I KNOW you will be fine without me, I KNOW you can move on and shut people out like you do but I don’t want to be shut out like everyone else.” You explained giving up at wiping the tears which just kept falling at this point. It was hard admitting your feelings especially at this time but this was either the making or breaking point if everything so why not?

“If it wasn’t for you, we’d be so lost right now y/n.” Namjoon begun taking one step towards you as you remained still. “We’ve all been thinking about you a lot lately.” Yoongi stated from beside you where you didn’t know he was until then. “You are a wonderful person, never forget that.” Taehyung said making you think this was goodbye. “You deserve someone who values you.” Jin whispered softly behind you as more tears filled your eyes. This couldn’t be it, not goodbye. “Someone who will kiss away all of your pain and scars.” Jungkook said stepping forward as well. “You know the hardest part about finding someone you love but being apart even though you have six others? It’s the endless nights awake knowing that the missing piece that completes us is right in front of us but we are too afraid to take that leap of faith fearing that we’ll be rejected.” Jimin stated grasping onto Yoongi’s hand to squeeze it. “Y/n, we’ve made a complete fool of ourselves that past day because we aren’t the people who we want to be. We are so sorry little one, so sorry and no amount of verbal apologies will show it until our actions change.” Hoseok said motioning to the other men who were gazing at you with something you couldn’t identify.

Your mind was going a million miles an hour at this point. Why where they saying this? Surely they couldn’t mean you...could they?

“You deserve someone who will treat you with the most respect, give you all the love and happiness you deserve and protect your kind heart. If you’ll let us, we’d like to be those men.” Taehyung said grabbing your hands which had been fiddling with the hem of your sweater. You looked at them with the most innocent, pure eyes they had ever seen, you were in total shock at what they had asked. When it sunk it you chocked on a sob. This wasn’t goodbye, it wouldn’t be the end.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.” You said in a mix of laughter and sobs before running into Taehyung’s chest to wrap your arms around him tightly. The others followed your suit as you all began to express the feelings you had kept up for so long.

-

“‘Us’ I like the sound of that, don’t you?” You said as you laid cuddled into Yoongi’s chest while everyone was spread amongst the couches. You weren’t aware of what had slipped off your tongue until Yoongi was putting his hand over his heart saying ‘Ahh too cute’ while squeezing his eyes closed.

“I love the sound of us.”

-

As always..any further ideas or chapters you want from a Drabble can be requested and I’ll more than happily do them! Part 2 or another Drabble with a quote relating to this one if requested!! With bunches of love -Kiwi (KookiesKiwi)

[hardforbenhardy]

somebody to love | rogerxreader

summary: roger fucking taylor. the boy in your biology class. the boy you’ve had a crush on for years. the boy who doesn’t know you exist. has recognised your existence. 

warnings: swearing, drinking, references to sex and stripping

word count: 4.0k

the first chapter of my upcoming fanfic! i’ve been working on this for a while, and it’s still not finished so i’m not sure how often i’ll update, but i’m planning on having a taglist for it so if people do like it, they can be alerted of when it comes out (if you want to be added, just pm me or send in a request!) i’m immensely proud of it and i think it’s some of my best writing - a lot of research went into it so i’m happy with the outcome so far and i hope you will be too. enjoy!! :)

There truly was no worse day than a Saturday.

I know, I know - but Saturday's are the best! There's no school, no work, you can sit around and chill all day, or go out clubbing with all your friends; maybe even pull a dude or two...

That may be the case for every single other person in the world, disincluding you. You see, your life is a little different to the usual person. Most people do spend their weekends sitting around, or going out with their friends, pulling girls and guys every night. You, on the other hand, spend it studying and working. You can safely say that taking a BSc in Biology at North East London Polytechnic was maybe the biggest mistake of your life yet. Don't get yourself wrong, you am good at it. In fact, you’re top of my class - you just struggle to balance all the studying with your job and family life.

Hence why you are sat at your dinner table, surrounded by a sea of glossy biology textbooks which contain much more information than your brain is willing to retain at this point. The words had began twisting in your eyes, no longer forming sentences but rather just squiggles on a page. Your pretty sure you have read the same page 3 times in the past hour, all information going through one ear and straight out the other. What the fuck was a bacteriophage? Or what about it being icosahedral or filamentous? And what was the difference between the lytic stage and the lysogenic stage? At this point, those weren't even words. Okay, so maybe you have been sitting here since 11 this morning, it now being 7 in the evening, but this was your standard Saturday. Having work every weekday in the evenings - 7:30pm until 3:00am - with your classes then starting as early as 9:00 on certain days, you didn't exactly have enough time to study on weekdays. Sleep was practically nonexistent for you by now, you were lucky to even get in 4 hours a night. Unfortunately for you, work also existed on Saturdays. You are probably thinking why don't you study on Sundays? Well, because Sundays were family days - you’d have to travel 3 hours to see your Ma and Pa, who would tell you how proud they were of you, doing a BSc in a subject that would get you far, and having a solid job that brought income for the whole family. Granted, they had absolutely no idea what your job actually was - and it isn't something they will ever know - but you don't really have a choice. You need to pay for your accommodation somehow, and contribute to the families bills after your father got fired from his job and went into severe debt. Therefore, it was a job you resorted to. In fact, you have work in 30 minutes, and here you are - trying to cram in a chapter's worth of course content for a test you had on Monday, surviving on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

You felt your arms begin to weaken under the weight of your head as you placed it into your palms, your eyes beginning to flutter shut as you gradually dozed off, the lack of sleep taking it's revenge. It wasn't until the loud, boisterous voice of your roommate interrupted the silence.

"Y/N, darling, have you seen my- Oh, love, what on earth is this disaster?" He cringed, sitting opposite you on the table, as you frantically sifted through the mound of worksheets for one in particular. "Look, darling, you need to sort this out. You look like you've been dragged through the bushes and back - you have work in 26 minutes and you are not even dressed!"

"Wow, thanks Freddie. Look, I don't really have a choice - if I don't have this topic nailed, I may just fail my exam, and then what? My life rides on this Fred, and I'm completely and utterly fucked if I fail." you wearily ranted, a yawn escaping your lips, which certainly didn't go unnoticed by Fred, as he placed a fresh mug of coffee in front of you - unbeknownst it was your fourth one tonight.

"Y/N, don't be so dramatic - there is only room in this flat for one hysterical queen, and I'm afraid I took that role many years ago. There is absolutely no way that you, Y/N M/N L/N, could ever fail a biology exam - you are the top of your class, and as much as you deny it, you know this content like the back of your hand. Look, I'll prove it - what is a bacteriophage, and what are the three possible shapes?"

"It's a virus which can infect and kill bacteria - the capsid of a bacteriophage can be icosahedral, filamentous, or head-tail in shape." The words simply rolled off your tongue, as you kept my focus on the textbook in front of you.

"Told you so, bet you were questioning in your head just 5 minutes ago what the fuck a bacteriophage is, and all that other shit you just said. I know you like the back of my hand, darling - you underestimate yourself far too much. Now put the fucking books away and get ready for work!" He nagged, taking a long sip of the glass of champagne he had acquired out of nowhere - typical Freddie. You didn't even respond, just simply rolled your eyes before rising to your feet to head upstairs. Freddie knew how much you hated your job, it was not exactly one praised by society. You’re what people would call an exotic dancer - or more commonly known as a stripper. It wasn't an occupation you asked for, it was rather one that was simply opened at a rather opportune moment for you. You can safely say yoinwill be taking the chance to quit as soon as you get your degree and can move on, but you’re stuck with it for the time being. You hate it on multiple levels - the feeling of having multiple older men's gaze set on your body, as if you were some kind of object, their minds wandering to all the things they could do to you if given the chance - it wasn't exactly a nice feeling. It is truly disgusting the amount of times you have been called a whore, slut, slag, floozie, tart, or prostitute - the list is ultimately endless at this point. What is even funnier is that it tends to be these same people who then turn up to your showings later on in the evening, indulging in your performance like every other male in the club. To make it worse, people often tell you you’re lucky to have guy's attention all the time - as if you should be proud of the fact that you have a body and face admirable by men. You always thought that was complete and utter bullshit - why the fuck should a guys validation make youbody and face suddenly attractive? Thankfully, most of the men who came to the club tended to be a little older than yourself - meaning there was never any guys from the university, or even better your class, who would come by. The only person who actually knows your truth is Freddie - who even though he did disapprove of it, would always try to cheer you up and make you feel more confident about it. You see, Freddie is extremely overprotective of you, he treats you like his little sister - he always wants you out of harm's way, always makes sure you were eating and getting at least 5 hours of sleep each night, always lends you money in your most desperate times of need, and opened his home to you the night you met him. It's funny actually - you remember that night so extremely vividly. He had come along to one of your performances, and ended up bumping into you backstage - you engaged in a conversation which lasted nearly the whole night, and before you knew it, it was 2am. He asked to walk you home, to which you simply had to reply with the fact you didn't have one and you were just planning on crashing on the couch in your dressing room. Of course, Freddie being Freddie invited you back to stay with him - any other person would be immediately cautious of the request, but at this point you had nothing to lose. And here you are, a month later and you were now living with him. He was basically the best roommate you could ask for.

The club is like a second home, or house - you wouldn't consider it very homely. Although the case was rare, if there was ever a point you couldn't stay at Freddie's, they allow you to sleep on the couch in the dressing room. Thankfully, your colleagues and the manager are all extremely nice people, it is more the visitors who get on your nerves and made you sick to the stomach. Basically a majority of the other girls you work with are in the same position than you; they are either college students just trying to pay off debt, or teenage mothers whose boyfriends left them after finding out they were pregnant who were trying to finance their child - everyone had their own individual story but in a way, you were all similar. Like you said, it is a second home to you, so when you stepped inside for the 6th time this week, it felt no different. The strong smell of booze and drugs no longer hit you like a brick, but rather became a second nature to your brain. The booming music, blaring at top volume from speakers which were scattered in nearly every crevice of the room, had become the norm for your eardrums - which realistically is bad for your health, but you didn’t think that's the thing that'll kill you at this point. The masses of men crowded around tables no longer made your stomach churn, now it just became the same old same old. You weren’t actually on stage until 8:00 tonight, so you don't know why they had you in half an hour early - you had already finished your makeup and got dressed. You leant against the bar, downing the first of what would be many complimentary drinks you would receive over the night - as much as you hated the job, it did have it's benefits. Free booze was probably the best thing to come out of it, when men would buy you drinks in hopes of getting you in their bed - all of them being nearly twice your age, they were never successful, but it was fun to watch 'em try. They would often strike up a conversation with you, the topic of which was always him, meaning you’d stand there responding with simple nods and the occasional burst of laughter - your mind in a completely different world of its own, usually a world of worry and anxiety of failing your exams.

"So, where is it you work? I could definitely see you working in an office or as a lawyer, I can imagine you would look very professional in a pantsuit, or even on the front cover of Vogue, you certainly have the body" The man, who had now situated himself beside you, practically purred. Was he seriously asking where you worked? What an imbecile. The whole ordeal is making you sick to your stomach, earning an eye roll in an instant - though you thought you’d play along to see where exactly he was going to go with this.

"Well, you wouldn't be interested in my life..." you laughed lightly, slowly and seductively inching closer to him. "But... I'm interested in yours. Tell me, where is it you're from, I love your accent."

"Oh, well I'm sure that isn't true, but I was actually born and bred in Italy - I moved here a few years ago, but thankfully I never lost the accent; it's a great tool for getting the girls in bed - especially the incredibly tempting ones such as yourself." He purred down your ear, you felt his breath on your neck and yourblood suddenly ran cold, as he placed his hand against the curve of your spine. Tempting?

You laughed under your breath in utter disbelief, your blood began to boil - how can someone be so small minded and narcissistic, yet spend their weeks in a strip club. "So you think I'm tempting?"

"Obviously, I mean you're super sexy and you really turn me on." He winked, and you stared at him incredulously.

"Well, you wanna know what I find incredibly tempting about you?" - he didn't speak, just simply nodded as he took a large gulp, as if he was intimidated by you. You moved closer, so that your hand was now placed against his inner thigh, and raised to your tiptoes - "There's just a deep pit burning in me, it's almost irresistible - just the thought of it is alone is so extremely enticing. I just have this immense desire to..." you whisper seductively in his ear, right as you ram your knee between his legs, making him cry out in a yell of pain and fall to his knees. " Do that." you grinned, before grasping the drink from the counter and gradually pouring it onto his head, the alcohol seeping through the thin material of his shirt, surely leaving him in a satisfying discomfort for the rest of the night, as if the hit to the balls wasn't enough. "And that"

"What the fuck? You fucking bitch!" He screamed, his voice going higher than you ever thought a man's voice could go, probably a side effect of his now undoubtedly swollen and painful misters.

You didn't respond, simply sashaying away as you raised my middle finger in his direction. You must say, after months of working in this club, you have practically become immune to the disease you like to call men. They just don't turn you on anymore. Don't get yourself wrong, not all men are like that - for example, Freddie is undoubtedly one of the sweetest human beings to walk this earth - but it seems like the men you’re surrounded by are basically parasites. Probably just a side effect of working in the hornets' nest, all kinds of trouble was stirred up in this building, it pretty much became the second (less sexual) form of entertainment for the customers. And you guess it's just your luck, because now it's your calltime. Your favourite time of the night - not. You entered the door, sighing a little. Come on, Y/N, you got this girl, just a little while longer and you can be back in the comfort of your bed. You always have to give yourself a little pep talk as you walk towards the door of what was, in a way, the gateway into Hell. That's if hell was a strip bar full of cheap and sleazy, lest we forget to mention mostly married men. All staring at you like food on a silver platter. It is quite frankly, disgusting. The walkway this week had silky, white curtains that the dancers usually appear through; as if to give the 'illusion' of us being 'angels appearing through the veil of the heavens'. You called bullshit on that one, that's also partly the reason your outfit was made up of a satin white robe, covering your lacy white lingerie. They also recently decided that the dancers should dust themselves with gold glitter before going onstage - thinking it might make you seem a little more angelic. Of course it doesn't, but you couldn’t lie - you looked incredible; the insubstantial underwear hugs your body in all the right places, yet still leaving little to the imagination; and the shimmer of gold across your chest only accentuating it more as the bright lights radiates your skin; your long locks flowing down your back, swinging with every step you took as you saunter onto the stage. Sudden cheers and whistles erupted from the crowd, the oh so familiar sound permeating the room with energy and excitement. The noise only increased as you little by little slid the satin piece down your shoulders to reveal the straps of the two-piece underneath, letting it slide down your body completely and pool around your feet on the floor. Usually, you would feel comfortable on stage, the fact you were borderlining nudity wouldn't phase youbone bit; but something felt different tonight. You have the same audience, the same form of outfit, same routine - but something feels strange, out of place, and you can't quite decipher it. You brush it off, knowing it's probably just nerves, and continue with your set - swaying around the stage, showing off your assets from every angle; and that's where you saw him.

Hidden in the corner of the room, he sat in a dimly lit spot making him barely visible thanks to the broken light which had been smashed a few days ago in a drunken bar fight. Perching forward in a lounge chair, he continually lifted the lit cigarette that was resting between his middle and index fingers towards his rosy lips, taking long drags every few seconds. As his golden, scraggly-but-still-well-groomed locks were clinging to the sides of his face, you notice his steel blue gaze dancing over your body as he scans you up and down.

Roger Fucking Taylor.

The same Roger that was in your biology class. The same Roger that was constantly trying to one up you and be the top of the class (unsuccessful in his attempts of course). The same Roger that you had had a crush on since you the course. The same Roger that didn't even know you existed. He had never been partnered with you, never spoken to you, never even looked in your direction. When you first entered the course, you had heard all about Rogers, how do I put this nicely, reputation with the ladies - making youbinstantly cringe at the utter disrespect of some of the things he had apparently done with them. But after a few weeks, you couldn't help but be drawn to him - he has an undeniable charm that he probably doesn't even know he's using half of the time, he is incredibly intelligent, and it is indisputable that he is the human form of the Greek God, Adonis, himself. You hate yourself for feeling this way, you always attempt to push it down as you know it'll do you no good in the long run. Like I said, Roger is known for his wild adventures with the women; and you weren’t one to participate in the activities of said adventures. Having a job as a stripper, people expect me to be extremely confident and out there, a lively socialite who is the life of the party, always being the centre of attention. I am, in fact, the complete opposite. When I'm not at work, I'm exceedingly reserved and introverted - I have one friend, Freddie; I only ever contribute to class when asked a question, other than that I sat at the back taking my own notes; I spend any spare time I have at home watching tv or reading a book. Therefore, I know I have a 0.00001% chance of Roger even acknowledging my existence - which I am fine with. I accepted my defeat months ago. And now, he's sat here watching me dance around, practically naked.

After finishing my set, I pace off stage- praying to Jesus that Roger didn't recognise it was me. He barely even notices me in lessons - surely he doesn't know me. What if he does though? What if he goes around school telling all his friends that I'm a fucking stripper? I'd be well and truly fucked - and not in the good way. I have never left the club faster than I did tonight, throwing on my clothes and fleeing through the backstage exit. My head is pacing, as clouds of worry and thought occupy the space - how am I ever going to face Roger again? What if he tells people? What if he is disgusted by me? I can feel my hand shaking as I try to unlock the apartment door, in which I throw open and slam behind me.

"Home so early, darling?" I could hear Freddie's voice from the living room shouting through, before the loud pop of the champagne bottle in his hand - presumably his second tonight. I threw my bag to the side before storming into the room and slumping down next to Freddie on the couch, releasing a large sigh.

"Yeah, work wasn't great" I groaned, noticing Freddie gesturing for me to take the bottle in his hand, to which I took a big swig in response; making Freddie chuckle.

"When is your work ever great? What's wrong, love?" He raised from the couch to grab himself a glass, knowing I'm not giving up this wine bottle as easily as he hoped.

"As you know, a majority of the men we get at the club are at least twice my age. Well, you remember Roger Taylor right?" I mumbled, focusing my attention to Freddie's glass which he held out in front of me, pouring the liquid in slowly as to not spill it all over the both of us.

"From your class? The one you have an undeniable love for? Yeah, I know him. What did he do?"

"Well, he turned up. He was sat in the back of the room. What am I to do Fred? What if he tells people that my job is basically prostitution? My life will be ruined. Not only that, but now my crush has seen me borderline naked, and prancing around the stage like some kind of... well, stripper" I cringed at the thought, it sounded a little stupid. Surely, I'd want my crush to see how good looking I can be? Not one bit.

"Oh god, what on earth was he doing there? Sounds like you have a bit of blackmailing yourself - Roger Taylor in a strip club-"

"Is exactly where I'd expect to find him if I'm being honest Fred - you know what he's like. I'd be surprised if it wasn't a place he visited everyday" I chimed in, I'm not lying. He is exactly the type of cocky, arrogant little shit who would find bliss in a strip club.

"Look, everything will be fine - you have two options, darling. You can either avoid him for the rest of your life, hoping he doesn't share the secret and ultimately ruin your life forever. Or you can fucking own it, and strut into school tomorrow like you are the shit and give Roger a piece of your mind - it's up to you, but I'm rooting for the second" Fred explained, trying reason with the one person he would never be able to reason with. I am quite stubborn when I want to be, and now is one of those occasions. "Now get to sleep, if you are home this early you should take advantage of it. Oh, do you have the money for rent?"

"Shit. Fuck. Fred I'm so sorry - I left in such a rush that I forgot to pick it up. I'll pay you Monday? I'm so sorry" I frettered, eyes widening at the realisation I not only couldn't pay Freddie, but I also can't pay my parents when I go down tomorrow.

"Darling, it's fine - I'll give you this week free of charge. You deserve it with all your hard work!"

Mouthing a small 'thank you', I smiled and nodded before slumping upstairs to my bedroom. As I reached my bed, I noticed all my biology books, which were previously scattered across the living room table, all stacked in the order of importance for the exam on Monday. I grinned to myself at Freddie's attempt of helping me study, although I know he only did it because he hates when I leave my books around the apartment. I can barely sleep, my eyes are refusing to close and my mind wanders back to Roger with every attempt of rest. I can't help but agonise over the situation; knowing something was going to go wrong and my life was going to be ruined.

[v-hope]

Sue Me

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Fangirl!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Request: "Hi! Do you remember that I will sue you min Yoongi girl? I have always kind of shipped her with Yoongi, so maybe a fluffy piece in that scenario? P.S. I really love your fluff and angst. Normally I don't go for angst but yours are so good?? Ily 💕💕💕"

A/N: I shipped them too, fam. I shipped them too 😔✊

Gif taken from Mojan Felfeli (Pinterest).

The first time you had shouted at Min Yoongi that you were going to sue him had been at one of BTS’ firsts fansigns. You were just another fangirl in line, waiting for your turn to meet your precious idols, when you felt overwhelmed just by the sight of them – most precisely, the sight of him. Yoongi was just interacting with their fans like he was supposed to, but the second he smiled as he waited for the next girl to stop talking to Jimin and go to him, you found yourself not being able to stop the words already coming out of your mouth.

He had gotten shy, obviously, not really replying to you but gazing down as he fidgeted with his hands – a shy yet cocky gummy smile forming on his lips. And when your turn came to be finally in front of him, you didn't really talk much about your previous words, instead having a nice chat about you, for he seemed interested in getting to know a little bit of your life in those short seconds.

The second time you did, it was at a concert – they were not that well known yet, so you managed to get pretty good tickets. You saw your chance once they finished one of their songs and everyone fell silent. As soon as you repeated the words ‘I'm suing you, Min Yoongi’, this time adding your ground was the reason of him having made your heart explode, he snapped his head towards where the sound of your voice had came from – trying to seem annoyed but failing miserably, for the corners of his lips betrayed him by curving up at the sight of you. And this time he actually replied to your complainings, telling you to 'square up' and sue him for real if he was hurting you so much.

By the third time, Yoongi was living for it. You were once again at a fansign, this time telling him you were suing him because he couldn't do his hair like that and not expect you to feel so strongly about him, and he had owned it. Yeah, he had argued with you, of course, but he owned it nevertheless.

Although you did not attend every single concert or fansign of theirs, for obvious economical reasons, Yoongi knew you were coming back at some point, which is why in the span of two years, it had became your guys’ thing; you would show up every once in a while, and he'd bicker with you about your intentions of taking him to court.

But that was it. Nothing but a fan to idol relationship. You went to their events, had your little interactions with Yoongi, and then the two of you returned to your lives.

The thing is, Yoongi had kind of grown not only fond of you, but also used to seeing you at some point. The downside of it all was that, just as that happened, you suddenly stopped showing up.

But it was no big deal, right? You were just another fan. If anyone would've told you that the Min Yoongi, the guy your heart beated so desperately for, missed your presence, you would've laughed right on their faces. But he did miss you, even if he didn't notice it, because, even though you didn't really know each other, you had formed a huge part during his initial idol journey. Because, you see, when you have just debuted with your group and are not very confident about neither your music nor your looks, having someone to literally scream to your face that they're going to sue you because of how you make them feel… yeah, talk about confidence boost.

It was only over a year and a half later, when you made your much awaited, by him, comeback.

This time, though, you hadn't yelled at him from the line, which is why he was so surprised when you out of nowhere were in front of him – his eyes lighting up and lips parting in a smile at both your presence and how beautiful he thought you looked.

His heart pounded loudly against his chest, having to clear his throat as he was almost afraid of you hearing his heartbeats.

“Well, if it isn't the threatener who never acted on her words” he greeted casually, starting to sign your album.

“Don't sing victory yet, you dangerous delinquent” you raised one of your eyebrows, mirroring the smile that had just formed on his lips. “You will be held accountable for your actions, I just had to get a job and start saving up for it because, I don't know if you've heard, but suing is not quite cheap”.

“Is that why you stopped coming for over a year?” he gazed up to lock his eyes with yours.

You felt a shiver run down your spine not only because of the way his eyes stared into yours, but also because he remembered.

“I mean, I guess it was part of it, but I also got into this relationship–”

“Ah, so you replaced me” he shook his head, resting his back on his chair as he clenched his fist to his chest in feigned hurt. “I thought you were my ride or die, you know?”

You couldn't help but laugh lightly at that, feeling kind of flustered. “I didn't replace you, I swear!” you tried to defend yourself. “It was just very… exhausting?” your uncertain words earned a frown from him. “Nevermind, I'm just glad it's over” you sighed in relief.

Yoongi raised one of his eyebrows in clear worry. “Should I go and punch this person?” he wondered, this time making you giggle.

“It's okay, thanks for the offer” you smiled brightly. “He was not a bad person, we were just… not compatible, I guess, and I ended up being so mentally drained that I didn't really feel like doing anything else and why am I telling you this?” you tilted your head at the sudden realisation, stopping yourself from rambling any further, “we should be talking about me suing you!”

“Just for the record” he leaned forward so he could be closer to you and speak lower, “you deserve someone who makes you want to go out and enjoy life, screw whoever does the opposite” his determined words made goosebumps appear on your skin.

Suddenly you remembered why he had been your bias all along.

“And about the whole suing thing” he instantly changed the topic, leaning back on his chair, “I'm afraid to inform you I am the one suing you this time” his statement took you by surprise, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows so that he would go on. “You can't just disappear on me for more than a year and not expect me to make you pay for it” your heart skipped a beat. “No way, we're going to court for this”.

“On what grounds, if you don't mind me asking?” you played along.

“On withdrawal?!” his intonation made it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You rolled your eyes, your chest moving up and down as a little laugh escaped your throat. “Honestly, you just took my constant praise away from me out of the blue, I can't let it pass”.

That and the fact that he had missed seeing you, but there was no way he would say that out loud.

“Well, then I guess we will be suing each other, because I have like over ten sues against you I never took to a judge”.

“Maybe we could reach a settlement?” he proposed. “You know, so we don't actually have to go through the endless nuisance that is a trial”.

As you were about to answer, one person from the staff asked you to move forward in line, for your time had apparently been up for a while now; taking both of you by surprise.

“I guess we will have to continue this very serious business talk on your next fansign” you said, moving slightly to the side.

“Or we could…”

He shut his mouth before he could finish his sentence, looking around to the eyes and cameras on not only him but his members as well, and realising he couldn't just say anything he wanted since anyone could read his lips. So, instead, he rushed to write something down in your album, later closing it and handing it back to you.

“Third page” he pointed at it, “I trust you with this, don't give it to anyone” his pleading eyes left you dumbfounded. Not minding that, he added: “I'm glad you're back, suing girl. Don't disappear on me again”.

Trying to recover from the bright gummy smile he had just flashed your way and being still too taken aback by what had happened during those last few seconds, you opened the album in the page he had indicated, as you made your way out of the fansign – your body immediately freezing in its place after getting a glimpse of what looked like a phone number.

‘We should meet up… you know, for business reasons – Yoongi’.

Biting down on your lip, you turned around, realising the very man who had been messing with your heart for years was already looking your way – his shoulders moving up and down as he laughed quietly after you had glared at him, threateningly mouthing “I will sue you, Min Yoongi”.

So much for having wanted a settlement.

[hazelandglasz]

idek but wouldn't kurt singing sam smith's 'leave your lover' be beautifully heartbreaking. and imagine if blaine is right outside the auditorium and hears the whole thing wow now i'm making myself super emotional sorry

Set during season 6 because a, i’m a masochist, clearly, and b, this would fit so well FML

Warning for implied Blainofsky

Blaine really shouldn’t be at McKinley.

For one, it’s the competition now, and he knows from experience that the New Directions, in whatever shape they may take, do not take “traitors” and “spies” lightly.

The “Modern Days Eggs Benedict” comment still marginally stings.

And for second …

For second there are so many memories--good and bad--from these halls that Blaine can feel old feelings resurfacing.

Well.

If he’s being completely honest with himself, as his therapist urges him to be, these feelings have reappeared ever since Kurt texted him to ask for a casual drink.

Even as happy as he may be with David, Blaine knows that it’s not the deep, life-changing, time-stopping kind of happiness and love he had with Kurt.

Hey, he reasons himself, maybe it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe he can be more at peace with himself in a … calmer relationship, a more quiet one. One that is an extension of friendship, more camaraderie turn dirty every now and then?

He could find a balance in such a relationship.

Just like the biblical snake, right when Blaine reaches this conclusion, right when he takes a turn in the hallway (still looking for the secretary who is supposed to give him all the informations about Sue’s invitational, where are you Becky Jackson, come on!), that’s when the notes and words find him and make his world derail just a little bit.

Just enough.

“... direction, I'm just rolling down this road

Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold”

That voice.

Blaine follows it, because his heart is attuned to it.

Because once, on top of a staircase, that voice awoke him.

“You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,

Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name”

Now, Blaine is the one at the top of the stairs, but the effect is still the same.

The world seems to hold still, waiting for them to realize how big this moment is.

“Pack up and leave everything,

Don't you see what I can bring

Can't keep this beating heart at bay”

Kurt is not alone on the stage, clearly demonstrating to his … padawans (though he’d probably have kittens if he knew that that is what Blaine is calling this new version of the New Directions) how to emote a song properly, without too much grand gestures.

Blaine has always thought that Kurt was at his best when he dropped everything for the sake of the glow of the spotlight.

“Set my midnight sorrow free,

I will give you all of me

Just leave your lover …”

Blaine knows that he’s in the shadows. That Kurt can’t see him.

And yet.

“... leave him for me.

Leave your lover, leave him for me”

And yet, it feels, in this pause between the sentences, as if Kurt talks to him directly.

Blaine’s heart is stuck in his throat as the lower notes hang in the air, the music stopping abruptly as Kurt turns back to the two supposed to perform that song (really?, a small part of Blaine’s brain sneers, you think you can beat my Warblers with that? Try again).

He waits for a couple of minutes, watching Kurt soften his tone while never coddling his students, and he cannot get out of here quickly enough for his own good.

“Blaine!”

Rachel’s voice brings him back to reality, and he forces a smile on his face.

“Where you spying on us?” she asks, smiling and patting his arm to soften the words.

“No need for that,” he replies, covering her hand on his arm.

She laughs and links their arms together--pulling him away in the direction opposing the auditorium. “What are you doing here then, Mr. Cocky?”

That he can do. Banter and tease and not listen to the part of his heart that will always belong to the man in the auditorium. “Sue’s Invitational?”

“Argh, okay, come with me, Becky has decided to take office in the boys’ locker room …”

Blaine follows Rachel, and spares one last glance towards the auditorium.

“Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow …”

He can only hope.