#I'm so delighted my little poem could be useful for your assignment

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

hi i was just wondering if i could cite one of your short works for an assignment in my english class and if yes do you have an official title to your work that starts with “you meet g-d and she’s mostly dead fish”?

Hello! It's completely fine to cite any of my works in any academic or educational context. If you'd like to use a more traditional writer's name than just the username, I publish under the name Oleg Bell. The poem (I classify it as one, but if that classification messes with your project, don't worry, I classify many things as poems) doesn't have a title other than the first line of it, exactly how you typed it, actually - "You meet god and she's mostly dead fish", although of course using the full g word isn't important. Best of luck with your assignment!

[adhd-mode-activate]

Sorry for the very long post :)))) I just have many Thoughts today and want to type them out

Sometimes I forget that other people didn't grow up in a neurodivergent house

Genuinely. I know some people had good homes and some had terrible ones growing up, and some were in between and you still don't know what to do about it. And I remember that and I do my best not to assume and when I hear of some of the things others had to go through growing up I want to envelop them in a hug and invite them into my own home.

but I forget that not everyone has the privilege (or chaos) of a neurodivergent home. While I'm the first in my family to get diagnosed with anything, no one in my family is neurotypical and we know that

my growing up years didn't consist of "well you can't have ADHD" or "You can't have learning disabilities," it was my mother's orderly, potentially OCD personality trying to learn how to raise a highly creative ADHD bundle of chaos. Sometimes we had really bad days. Or even weeks. Elementary math for a little while consisted of me crying as we spent three hours trying to work through flashcards, and I don't remember what we finally ended up doing to teach me math. But I do remember my father teaching me how to work with negative integers using Uno cards. And spelling for a while was a combination of pain, confusion, and rote memory, but my mom slowly learned that I don't read words as individual letters but groups of letters bunched together in no particular order, and taught me how to make sense of those little groupings and break them down. Now I can break down the names of all the chemicals in vitamins and I have better spelling skills than most other people in my field of study. But there were delightful days too. There were days when my siblings and I spontaneously grabbed the camping tent from the garage and set it up in the back yard and did all our school work outside. Some days when my parents looked at me and my siblings and went "yeah no there's no way you're learning anything from a textbook today" and my mom would reorganize her carefully created schedules so we didn't have to do anything. And then sometimes we'd pile into the car on a random Tuesday and go to the zoo or to a museum or even to the library and we'd wander around and laugh and whisper and exclaim and learn in a different way

Going to college made me realize how ADHD friendly my childhood was. In college you don't get a day when you feel like you're about to combust, you don't get to move your assignments around so that you speed through the topics you find easy and spend more time on the topics you find difficult and spread out your finals and final assignments over a couple of weeks to a month. I can't just ask my professors if I can write a poem instead of an essay as long as I get the gist of the assignment like I could sometimes with my mom. And I miss it. I miss it so much. I go home sometimes, but I've outgrown the daily rhythms of my family, and sometimes I desperately miss it. (a big part of my decision to get diagnosed, and my parents' support of it, was because we discussed the fact that I no longer have a world built to accommodate me, so I have to fight for that myself, and a diagnosis would help get me into a position where I could do that)

But I forget how rare a family like mine really is. Half my family has ADHD like me and the other half has their own way of viewing the world that I don't fully understand. We've all got varying degrees of social anxiety. We sometimes feed each other's anxiety and we sometimes help it. Sometimes we sound like we're speaking another languages because we've combined phrases from TV shows, movies, books, and words from other languages we know all together into our vocabulary. Sometimes we accidentally hurt each other, and sometimes we don't understand each other, but we all understand that we're different from each other and that's okay, and we are determined to break past cycles of extended family and communicate with each other and continue to build strong relationships with each other into adulthood.

And I know now not everyone gets that. And it just made me really sad thinking about that, remembering that as I was driving yesterday. So, I guess, all of that rambling and chaos and confusing semi-out-of-context explanation of my childhood to say...if you didn't have a home that taught you what it's like to be not only accepted for who you are, but truly welcomed for it, you can have mine. My mom and sister will gladly bake treats for you and probably embarrass me and make sure you're spoiled as you deserve.

And if you're neurodivergent and want to start a family of your own worried about how well you'll be able to raise a kid when taking care of yourself is hard enough....well, it's chaos. but it's a fun kind of chaos, and you'll be incredible.

[overelegantstranger]

I want to ask so many of these but uuuuhhhh 8, 12, 13 and 15 for the historical figure asks?

I'm doing these for Fiona Macleod because of Course I am.

When did you hear of them for the first time and what was your first impression?

Hm. Well, there's a few different ways that you can count that. The first time ever I encountered her was when a "friend" of mine was trying to sell a couple of her poems as ancient Irish manuscript (lol. You get two guesses as to who).

The second time, I was doing an editing assignment for my MA on material texts and I saw a little magazine (technical term) that she wrote, all under different pseudonyms, and self-published. It was glorious. I edited it and then I had to write a phd application very quickly and she was the person I could write about off the cuff.

Honestly? My first impression of her was that she was just like my best friend/first crush from when I was fifteen, and because of that I felt like I 'got' her better than a lot of the critics who wrote on her.

Let us know the three best books about your favourite historical figure!

Oh, oh have I got opinions. Okay, so the three best are:

a) William F. Halloran's The Life and Letters of William Sharp (Fiona Macleod). It's got a great biography, in accessible language, and it's very academically sound. I don't agree with Halloran's every extrapolation, but it's good, and at at least one point it's actively nonbinary inclusive ("The society in which Sharp lived expected him to be either man or woman - he couldn't be both").

b) Terry L. Meyers' The Sexual Tensions of William Sharp. It's an approach to Macleod that centres queer masculinity, but it's rather fun especially if you're interested in Late Victorian sexuality.

Both Meyers and Halloran's work is available free online.

c) This one isn't a book, but the next best thing is Isobel Murray's 'Children of To-morrow: A Sharp Inspiration for Dorian Gray', Durham University Journal, n.s. 49, 1 (1987), 69-70. It's a damn good article that, while a bit dismissive of the novel Children of To-morrow, demonstrates very clearly that the novel inspired aspects of Dorian Gray.

I haven't read Steven Blamires' The Little Book of the Great Enchantment, so I can't comment.

The book to avoid is Flavia Alaya's William Sharp (Fiona Macleod). It's a 1960s transphobic radfemmy tirade that is dismissive and disrespectful not only of Macleod and all trans women but also her wife and all Victorian audiences who found Macleod worth reading.

If you had the chance to meet them, what is the first thing you would ask them?

I'd ask her out for a drink and pass her a leaflet on transgender identity and another on systems, and let her sort herself out. And then I'd go and ask out her wife.

Describe them one sentence (I know it’s hard, just give it a shot)! ^^

A delightful and ridiculous woman who desperately needed ADHD medication.

[giyuwu-san]

All of the hashiras know that Obanai has a crush on Mitsuri. Tired of him not doing anything, they confront him and tell him to confess."No""Why not?! It's not as if she's dating anyone""...I'm not worthy of her"And so the hashiras team up to make him confess to the one and only love pillar!

I’m sosososososo sorry this took so long. please forgive me, I was trying to come up with creative ideas for this one since it’s my first kny fic so I really wanted to do it justice I hope you understand. and then chapter 200 hit me and I was done for. but!!!! it’s here now after all this time and it’s finally at a point where I’m happy with it, so hopefully the wait was worth it >.

the sound of fireworks.

   pairing : iguro obanai x kanroji mitsuri

   warnings : a little angst, fluff, one curse word (I’m pretty sure)

   summary : the pillars are trying everything to get iguro obanai to confess to kanroji mitsuri in the name of love as a life-changing decision is made under fireworks and starlight.

   word count : 2.2K

tags : @lordexplosionsextra @jojosmilktea

✎

Iguro Obanai had always been in love with Kanroji Mitsuri. This was a fact, a statement known by both him and all his fellow Pillars, except perhaps, Mitsuri herself. 

It wasn’t fear of rejection that kept him from confessing, nor was it the complications that would plague their relationship once he did. The fear that tormented his mind wasn’t caused by the thought of rejection, rather by acceptance. 

He didn’t want her to see him, even if he craved it. He didn’t want her to smile at him, even if he yearned for it. He didn’t want her to love him, even though he pleaded for it.

The smile he loved so much isn’t meant for him. That smile of hers that filled his conscience. That smile of hers that he could never mimic. That smile of hers that he could never have. 

And no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts were the same. The love he held for her would always stay a secret. That’s what she deserved. 

She didn’t deserve someone like him, whose blood was filthy. Someone like him, whose shine could never match hers.

When she could give him such a vibrant smile, what could he give her in return? How could a scarred mouth like his hold the same glow?

He would always give her what she deserved, even if it meant hurting himself. 

It would always be like this, no matter what anyone said. This is how it’s supposed to be.

       - - -  *ﾟ‘ﾟ ☽  ☼  ☾ *.:｡ - - -

         "Now this is just getting ridiculous.“ was what the Insect Pillar, Kocho Shinobu said. Her smile leaving her face with the facade she carried slowly slipping, annoyance seeping in, taking its place.

         "Indeed, indeed!” was the chime of the Flame Pillar standing beside her, “Iguro-san must confess his true love! Let his most profound passions reach her from the deepest depths of his⁠—”

         "Yeah, yeah, we get it. Iguro’s in love with Kanroji, and it’s annoying, we get it.“ Shinazugawa interrupted Rengoku before he could ramble on further. 

Each of the Pillars, minus Kanroji and Iguro, were all bundled together in an empty room located at the Butterfly Estate, with the common goal of finally getting their fellow Snake Pillar to confess his feelings. (Except for perhaps Muichiro, who had already forgotten how he ended up in this room, to begin with.)

All of the Hashiras knew about Iguro’s feelings toward the Love Pillar, but whenever they would approach him about it, he would always reply with the same words. 

‘I don’t deserve her.’

However, things were about to change in the next week, for all of them had made plans to attend an upcoming summer festival in a nearby village. It was the perfect opportunity. 

          “Alright!” said the Sound Pillar, who had been surprisingly quiet until this moment. “Let us execute this plan flamboyantly!“ 

And so, each Pillar walked out of the room. Most of them hopeful that the plan would go smoothly.

       - - -  *ﾟ‘ﾟ ☽  ☼  ☾ *.:｡ - - -

Iguro was sitting next to Mitsuri, watching as she stuffed her face with more sakura mochi. Her cheeks puffing up cutely much to Iguro’s hidden delight, his eyes brightening slightly with his masked smile. 

Although Iguro had no plans of confessing, he had to admit that these simple moments with her made his heart soar. Watching her eat to her heart’s content made him feel like a boy again. Young and in love with the girl next to him. 

Kanroji enjoyed his presence equally as much. The warmth and affection flowing from his eyes that only looked at her made her feel giddy inside. Every meal with him always felt comfortable, and every meal without him always felt empty and incomplete. 

And as she kept chewing, only her happy hums and remarks were heard in the otherwise relaxing silence. 

Meals with him were always the best. 

Mitsuri smiled to herself, her cheeks still full.

       - - -  *ﾟ‘ﾟ ☽  ☼  ☾ *.:｡ - - -

The festival had come sooner than expected, and all the Pillars had gathered at one spot. Eyes already scanning the festivities around them. 

Iguro and Mitsuri (but mostly Mitsuri), were both excited to explore the festival together with all their fellow Pillars. Or so they thought, because when they looked around, the Pillars had already dispersed into their own groups. 

Mitsuri however, had no time to be surprised as her eyes caught a glimpse of a food stall further ahead of them. Turning her head to the baffled Iguro, she quickly pointed forward excitedly.

         "Iguro-san!” she said, her excitement barely containable. Her finger pointing in all directions at the food stalls around them. Her eyes glinting crazily to the point Iguro thought she was crying, and maybe she was.

          “FOOD!” was all Obanai heard until he was forcefully dragged by a hunger-crazed Mitsuri.

       - - -  *ﾟ‘ﾟ ☽  ☼  ☾ *.:｡ - - -

It had been a good hour since they arrived at the festival, yet there had been no progress made in the field of love as Iguro merely followed Mitsuri around in her pursuit of culinary enlightenment. 

The plan, however, was not in vain just yet, for the Pillars had more tricks up their sleeves.

The pair made their way about the various stalls until they catch sight of Shinazugawa, who seemed to be waiting for them in front of a game stall. The Wind Pillar points at Iguro, much to his confusion.

          “Whoever scoops the most goldfish wins." 

Iguro was not expecting the sudden challenge. To be fair, this was his first time playing kingyo-sukui, but after looking towards Mitsuri whose face held nothing but excitement, he was in no position to back down.

Iguro had surprisingly won against the competitive Sanemi. Who of which completely forgot that he was supposed to let Iguro win and played for real. Much to his dismay. Face scowling (and pride damaged), Sanemi turned on his heels and walked away. 

The person manning the stall then gave Iguro more snacks as a prize, only for them to quickly disappear inside Mitsuri’s mouth.

The series of strange events and interferences kept occurring throughout the summer festival, such as Kocho running into them and momentarily stealing Mitsuri for ’girl talk’, allowing Muichiro to sneakily shove some flowers he found wandering in the field into Iguro’s hands, Rengoku coming over to the pair to give them an impromptu love poem recital, and Giyuu even tried his best by directing them towards a more intimate food stall that didn’t have many people.

As the night progressed Iguro felt himself becoming more and more flustered by the events that have taken place thus far. With Mitsuri holding the flowers Muichiro picked, they walked silently alongside each other, all the food that Mitsuri ate had finally caught up to her. 

Noticing this from their respective hiding spots, the Pillars finally threw into action their last and final hope: advice from the man with three wives.

Gyomei approached the two, seemingly coming from the shadows as he asked to steal Mitsuri away for a moment to talk about cats. Mitsuri happily complied, but with less enthusiasm than usual as she could feel her impending food coma creeping closer.

Iguro then stood alone, even more confused than he already was.

That was until he saw the Sound Pillar jump out from the bushes, Obanai wasn’t even surprised anymore. 

          "You’re really taking your sweet time aren’t you?” was what he said as he crept closer towards the Snake Pillar, who only blinked at him. It wasn’t that Obanai hated the Sound Pillar, it was just he never really spent the time getting to know the man, or the other Pillars for that matter, minus Kanroji.

So he wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of the two of them being alone when he could have been basking in Mitsuri’s warm presence, but that was beside the point.

          “What do you mean?” he tries feigning innocence, even if he knew exactly what Tengen was entailing. He noticed all the things that had been happening since the start of the festival. He may have been slightly dense, but he wasn’t completely oblivious either.

The two men started walking side by side, as their conversation continues.

          “Don’t play dumb with me Iguro-san.” Iguro could only sigh and raise his eyebrow at the man.

          “Your point?” he said, not wanting to have to repeat the same words he’s said to all the other Pillars again.

Tengen knew that the chances of him somehow convincing the Snake Pillar to change his mind were slim. Yes, he had three wives. He has experienced love and continues to experience it throughout his life, but he did admit that helping a man overcome his self-loathing was going to be challenging for anybody. Nonetheless, he put away his eccentric side, for now, focusing purely on the assignment he was tasked with.

          “My point is that you should just tell her.” he said bluntly, he knew flowery words were no use with Obanai, instead opting to give it to him straight. “She deserves to know.”

          “No, she does not.” was the Snake Pillar’s retort.

          “And why is that?” Tengen was barely fighting off his sigh.

          “She doesn’t deserve someone like me.” At this, the sigh that Tengen was holding back finally made itself known. He couldn’t tolerate this any longer.

          “You can’t decide that for her.” he said, sighing once more. “She’s the one who decides that. That’s her choice to make, not your’s Iguro-san." 

Tengen wanted to help him, and that’s a lot from someone who typically didn’t care much about the well-being of other people, only having a few people he genuinely treasures. But even with Tengen’s way with words, he knew that Obanai himself had to be the one to change. Tengen knew that his words alone couldn’t solve this, and frankly, he had nothing left to say.

Sighing, he walks away to leave Obanai to his own thoughts, as the man stopped walking along with him anyway. 

Besides, the fireworks show was about to start.

       - - -  *ﾟ‘ﾟ ☽  ☼  ☾ *.:｡ - - -

Obanai sat idly next to Mitsuri, the two of them being left alone by the other Pillars, an act that, Obanai assumed was another one of their stunts. He sighed, lost in his thoughts as Tengen’s words started to settle in. It wasn’t as if he had never played with the idea before: that Mitsuri at least deserved to know. But he was still conflicted, even if he did say it, who would want someone with a scarred mouth? Someone with a bloodline so wicked and cruel. 

He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t.

His mind was made, and no one could change that.

          "Iguro-san…”

Iguro turned his head around to the drowsy Mitsuri, her head starting to tilt forward as sleep was slowly sinking into her. He hummed lightly in reply, listening to her words carefully.

          “You know, I’m really glad I got to spend the festival with you.” she smiled at him, much to his frustration as his cheeks fought off a blush. “I didn’t regret a single moment.” her smile grew wider.

          “And that’s exactly how I want to live my life!” she suddenly pointed her finger upwards towards the sky in sudden triumph, her sudden burst of energy quickly subsiding, however, as her head started to tilt over again, but this time towards Obanai’s shoulder.

          “I want to live my life with no regrets…” she yawned midsentence, still trying her best to not succumb to slumber. Her hands holding onto the flowers tightly.

Iguro however, pondered over her words, a sudden heat rushing towards his cheeks, feeling the adrenaline rush in.

He wanted to live his life with no regrets too.

And with the sudden adrenaline and correlation, his brain felt like it was taking a crash course. He adjusted slightly on the blanket, attention not leaving the girl beside him as his heart started ruling over his brain.

         "Kanroji-san.“ he said.

Kanroji hummed slightly, her droopy eyes looking over at him. And for a moment, Iguro wondered what the hell he was doing, but he couldn’t stop now, he didn't want to.

          "I want to spend all my meals with you." 

Obanai wasn’t expecting the large smile to take over her features, nor was he expecting her to understand what he meant in the state she was currently in. Nevertheless, as he looked at her underneath the starlight, its ethereal glow highlighting her face in ways that knocked all the air out of his lungs, he couldn’t help but smile, his heart feeling lighter. He wanted to laugh at himself. He was so adamant about not confessing, but here he was, with her by his side.

He said he wouldn’t do it, but he did. 

His mind was made, but only she could change that.

And as she finally let her head fall against his shoulder, Kaburamaru slithering from his neck to nestle on top of her head, and the fireworks finally dancing around in the sky above them in loud explosions and tremors, he couldn’t help but smile, his eyes glowing. The light from the fireworks only illuminated her serene features, painting it in all its colors, and at that moment, Obanai was at peace.

He couldn’t feel anything else, he didn't need anything else. As he sat on the blanket, he closed his eyes and sighed happily. He felt perfectly content. 

Just the three of them, and the sound of fireworks.

✐