#I'm sure people do have legitimate reasons for favoring one over the other

[astro-b-o-y-d]

I also said it before but I cannot find the post, but there's probably a very specific reason people are quicker to sympathize with Pacifica over Gideon and/or focus more on giving her redemption than him and it starts with an f and ends with a phobia 🫤

[pomefioredove]

Ngl I want a sequel to bad ending 'yuu gets sold' series

Cause imagine the boys go to NBC just to find out that yuu is actuality doing great, better than great, even better than the time they were doing in NRC

I like to think that Rollo is legitimate a nice person when you remove the hatred over magic type of stuff

He deffo makes sure that yuu is well fed and clean (let's be honest, not something that yuu always has in NRC) plus treat yuu greatly

rollo fans who are starving since everyone stopped talking about him after november I'm here for you. I see you. take my hand

parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | 'bad' ending

summary: yuu transfers to NBC type of post: fic characters: rollo my beloved additional info: yuu is gender neutral, implied romantic ^_^

It had been a long six months for everyone at Night Raven College.

The departure- and subsequent absence- of their beloved Ramshackle prefect was very much felt.

Days were longer, nights were darker, the first year class itself felt empty.

"At least they're not dead," was the consensus.

Of course, you continued to communicate with your friends- it wasn't like you completely dropped off the map, although Noble Bell College had a stricter policy about phone usage.

You even sent some letters back and forth, yours filled with updates and mementos, theirs with pictures of all you'd left behind.

Did you miss NRC?

Well...

You missed your friends.

But Crowley? The overblots? Being everyone's personal therapist?

...Yeah. You could live without that.

Noble Bell College may have been more exclusive, and more strict in their code of conduct, but it was more peaceful, too. Smaller, less students, and much less reliance on magic, so that you and Grim could be whole students independent of one another.

The curriculum was much different than NRC's. Less of an emphasis on a personal connection to magic, and more on tradition, ritual, and history. There were few times when you'd have to sit out a class, or watch your friends have fun from the sidelines.

If anything, Rollo made a point of including you.

A part of it may have been personal pride- after all, he just couldn't resist showing you how much better he is.

But he also had a vague idea about how stressful your life at NRC really was, and how isolated you felt, despite being surrounded by people. It was his duty, in a sense, to rectify that.

Even if it meant you had to sit through his lectures and recitations of the traditional magic laws.

...Though, even with his intense adherence to tradition and structure, he made quite a show of being kind to you.

Despite his best efforts to claim fairness and righteousness, it was no secret to anyone that he favored you. You quickly became the only person he spent his free time with (not that he was particularly social in the first place...)

And... it was nice. Is nice.

He holds himself to high standards, and expects that of others; he's cold, harsh when he feels it necessary, and repressed in all ways imaginable.

And yet... well, there's no sabotage, no swindling, no scamming, no manipulation to make petty ends meet.

Rollo, as a person, is both confusingly complex and reassuringly simple. You know as much. He sticks to routine, to rules, to tradition. He's diligent in every sense of the word, and highly respected because of it.

And when the eyes of the other students are turned away, he treats you with a sort of gentleness that you'd become wholly unfamiliar with at NRC. Like a porcelain doll, like something precious he desires to wrap in cotton and silk and store somewhere safe.

You wonder if his behavior towards you is at all connected to the very reason he risked his status bringing you here in the first place... but you don't dwell too long. He's as mysterious as anything.

When your former classmates come to visit over break, it's like they're meeting an entirely different person.

"Happy to see us, eh? You're like, glowing," Ace smirks.

Deuce elbows him in the ribs for that comment. "What he meant is that you look great. I mean, really! You've been sleeping more?"

You nod. "Lots, yeah,"

"Weird, I woulda guessed they'd been working you to the bone. This place is all "no funny business", right?" Ace shakes his head.

You laugh, walking alongside your former fellow first years in the streets of Fleur City, the very ones you'd become so accustomed to in recent months.

"I've actually been doing well with my studies. I think I've finally decided what I want to do after graduation,"

"Oh, that's great!" Deuce says. A lengthy pause follows, much to your confusion- it's as if everyone has something they want to say, but won't be the first to say it.

Epel clears his throat. "You been 'doin alright?"

"Um... yeah. I have,"

"Cause... you know, if anyone was giving you trouble, we'd give 'em what for!"

You chuckle. "I'm fine, really. People here are pretty nice..."

Again, that same silence follows. Epel, Deuce, and Ace look between each other, as if daring the other to say the next thing.

This time, you take the initiative.

"Listen. If this is about Rollo, he's fine. I'm fine. He's been nothing but helpful,"

The tense silence breaks and Ace sighs, shaking his head. "You can't blame us for being worried,"

"I mean, this whole situation has been really shady. Everyone at NRC has been worried sick..." Deuce says. "We just wanted to make sure..."

You smile. "I appreciate it, but you really don't have to send in a rescue party. I've been... I've been really good. Happy. And I miss you guys to pieces, but I've felt closer to home here than anywhere else. Does that sound strange?"

A short pause follows. Deuce is the first to speak, his voice sounding strained. "Not at all. We just want you to be happy,"

You can tell he's trying really hard to sound positive. Epel, on the other hand, doesn't sugarcoat anything.

"You really won't come back with us?"

You smile again, though this one is wholly apologetic. "No, I don't think so,"

The three are quiet for another moment, and then seem to drop the subject. The rest of their stay goes by smoothly, even with all the strained moments where you can tell they have something to ask. You assume they've already figured out the answer.

The day trip is over by sundown and you return to campus just before curfew, taking a seat in one of the cozy (though currently empty) lounges by a familiar face.

"They're gone?" Rollo asks, not bothering to look up from the textbook he's perusing.

You watch him carefully, and think it's best not to mention you friend's attempt to bring you back with them.

"Yes, they're gone. We had fun, nothing happened,"

"Good," he says. A brief silence follows before he speaks again. "I do trust you. But-"

"You don't trust them. I understand. If I were you, I suppose I wouldn't, either. But I'm fine,"

"When are they coming back?"

"Two months. They're taking the weekend. Might bring some other people,"

Rollo hums a note of acknowledgment, fingers rolling around the pen in his right hand. The book is still open, though he's looking ahead now. His face is flushed.

You know he's unhappy with it, but he won't say anything. You're grateful he likes you enough to let you rub elbows with people he despises. Especially after all that's happened...

He stands, closing the book. "Very well. Let me know what day so that I may adequately prepare myself. Good night. Be safe,"

And with that, he takes his leave.

Ever distant. Ever polite. One might mistake the way he speaks for coldness or resentment if you weren't so familiar with his mannerisms by now.

You turn to look into the lounge fireplace behind you, watching the flames flicker and die until all that remains are soft, glowing embers, the same shade of red that burns on his cheeks when you look at him.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

In the modern publishing landscape, these days, I think like we do not have many (if any) point-of-view characters with low social motivation for whatever reason.

Sure, there are lots of characters with social anxiety or other perceived or legitimate foibles to overcome, there are many YA villain origin stories, and there are many unpalatable, traditionally "unlikable" men in classics, but disregarding those, who else do we have?

Can the state of openly being alone (and content) rarely be presented as morally-neutral or as the end result of a narrative? Must it always be that either being alone is the starting point, so there's room for "personal growth," or that being alone is seen as "undesirable" and/or an indication that the person alone has a "problem" or something otherwise wrong with them, like a deficit or moral failing that in some kind of karmic way gives them "what they deserve," which is being alone and discontent with it?

Characters with society anxiety, any differences in communication, or other reasons that interfere with forging connections "don't count" because they may still be motivated. Traits such as these only stand in the way of gaining relationships, as plot obstacles. They aren't intrinsically tied to indifference or to low motivation. So, these characters clearly are not experiencing a lack of interest. And they are not the ones rejecting others. Thus, they "don't count" as far as the archetype that I'm looking for goes.

Characters who undergo villain arcs or otherwise negative arcs may want to maintain their relationships or gain them, so some examples are immediately disqualified (hence not having low social motivation), even if they are the type of character most likely to alienate themselves by a story's end, conflicting with what they wanted.

(Unfortunately, Coriolanus Snow, who is quite close to the type of protagonist I'm searching for "doesn't count" because he has some drive to keep people in his life.

Rafal Mistral partially "counts," and is satisfying as a character, but also doesn't count because he temporarily makes "friends" or allies, depending on how you look at his exploits. Yet, despite all this, not having friends isn't exactly framed as a morally-neutral state either, so he is also disqualified by the end. Basically, he does have low social motivation, but his narrative lacks the conditions that would make the natural consequences of that low motivation play out for themselves. He is always surrounded by people, even if he hates every last one of them.

And, generally speaking, the usual, moody-broody, "misunderstood" YA love-interests very easily "don't count" because they have a desire to get closer to their object of affection.

Even Katniss Everdeen, an overall good person, who usually views herself as "unlikable," befriends others, originally for pragmatic, survival purposes. However, she does start with low social motivation, so that's something in her favor.

And yes, I'm aware that we need other people in this world—I would just like to see someone prove that supposed truth wrong once. And perhaps succeed in their world, if that's not too much to ask for.)

Also, are there any instances of characters who progressively alienate themselves from others, in which that progression is not inherently seen as negative? Like, what about non-corrupt misanthropes? Are there few of those in literature? (Maybe—Eleanor Oliphant from literary fiction counts, but something about that book did not appeal me and I didn't finish it.)

Classics guys sort of "count," but I haven't really seen examples of any comparable protagonists today since many authors and readers write and look for "relatability" in blank slate everyman figures oftentimes.

(I'm not done with Crime and Punishment yet, but Raskolnikov is very tentatively looking like a safe bet for a character who may end up alone and who may not be completely malcontent over such a fate, even if I'm expecting tragedy. I'm that not far along, but I also wouldn't mind it too greatly if he died, I suppose.

And even Sherlock Holmes has Watson as his constant, even if he's notoriously asocial! So he "doesn't count" either.

Carol from Main Street also comes close, but still ultimately desires approval from others.

Maybe no one is truly immune to humanity and I should give up on this notion?)

How many pov characters out there are 1) apathetic toward the masses and 2a) either alienate themselves as the plot progresses or 2b) do not make any friends? (I will allow them making friends and consequently losing them though because that still ends in net zero!)

Indeed, this "gap" in protagonists I've been running into lately, especially with coming-of-age arcs and protagonists whose arc is some form of "getting out of their shell," is: why do we (almost?) never see protagonists who just flat-out don't progress in terms of connecting with fellow humans?

Wouldn't having even a handful of those types be reflective of reality? (We as a society are more disconnected than ever, to be fair, despite constantly having access to one another via technology.)

Or I would completely understand it, if it were narratively impractical to have a plot in which a protagonist makes zero friends. Maybe, it's a near-unwritable form for a story?

So, my question is: does anyone have book recommendations, which present a character whose end goal is not to make friends or forge connections (any other ambitions or motivations are fine) and whose state of being friendless both lasts and is regarded as morally-neutral or as not outright evil? Any genre is fine. High fantasy is preferable. I am stumped.

(I also wouldn't mind recommendations of books in which the protagonist is vilified due to being alone, even if that is not my primary query here.)

[gravityglitch-blog]

The Amazing Digital Circus, as seen by a Murder Drones fan

("Candy Carrier Chaos" inspired me to write this. Fair warning, it's a long one. Potential spoilers ahead)

I stumbled into the indie animation scene on YouTube by accident. It was like finding hidden treasure. I have no hate for the big-name studios, but everything I'd been seeing up until then seemed...homogenized...over-processed, somehow? It's hard to describe. Like eating fast food when you want a home cooked meal.

Now here were stories that were all wonderfully different, in subject matter and style. I started with "Lackadaisy", which was so beautiful, it left me stunned.

(The only reason you don't see more Lackadaisy fanart from me is because it's difficult drawing cats. I'm practicing, though.)

A few more clicks brought me to "Murder Drones", and it was love at first sight.

I connected to Uzi's character within her first minutes on-screen. Despite the dark tone of the story, I still hold out hope for a good ending.

Then I started seeing teasers for a new series, "The Amazing Digital Circus".

The art style and bright colors weren't my usual speed, but I decided to check it out anyway.

Personal confession, "Digital Circus" scares me more than "Murder Drones". While "Murder Drones" wears its horror inspirations on its sleeve, to me, it's more the "cool" kind of horror that I would scribble on my notebooks between classes.

Vampires, monsters, battling the forces of darkness while jamming to nightcore, you get the idea.

I have legitimately had nightmares that look like the "Digital Circus". Strange worlds of twisted colors and shapes, people I don't know, doors and staircases that lead nowhere.

All that said, I did enjoy the pilot, I found the setup and the characters interesting, and wanted to see more.

Side note, I know the studio sometimes seems to favor "Digital Circus", and it causes some resentment between the fandoms.

For myself, I see our fandoms as siblings. Let us watch our faves (hopefully) triumph over the horrors together.

This brings me to "Candy Carrier Chaos".

It happened to debut on one of my bad days, when I was feeling down, to put it mildly.

Like I didn't matter. Like no one would notice or remember me if I were gone.

And so that opening scene of Pomni's nightmare hit me like a punch in the gut.

I won't go into the episode's plot too much, as I'm sure others here have already done that and better than I ever could. The whole reason I'm writing this is because of that ending.

The members of the Circus take the time and care to remember the friend they lost in the pilot, apparently the latest of many.

They all feel the pain of loss, of being trapped in this strange world. But they still have each other. For now, at least.

The look on Pomni's face when she realizes she's not alone. When her vision replays, it has changed.

Now, there are helping hands to take hold of her. To pull her back up out of the darkness.

I honestly became a little teary-eyed at that scene. It got me thinking, "maybe the bad days are liars. Maybe I would be missed, after all."

The power of storytelling through animation. With all my heart, I hope this medium continues to grow and flourish. To any aspiring animators and artists out there, this random Tumblr person asks, please don't give up the dream. There are people out there that need to hear your stories.

In the meantime, Pomni remains where she is...and so do I. Thank you so much if you've read this whole thing. I really appreciate it.

[bluedorke]

Haurchefant survival AUs

I have determined this about Haurchefant living AUs.

(I use named warrior of light and ocs. This is not a reader insert but feel free to use similar ideas since neither are unique)

my ocs

Sellenei - the warrior of light.

Astry - a fellow adventurer

Happiest AU: Haurche survives the spear of light but is injured. The severity of his injury is to be figured out. I mean wheelcahir users can sometimes walk but not far, it depends on the injury. Haurche just has to learn to navigate his new disability but with his family and friends. Maybe he can still fight to a point but not as much as he used to be. I think his biggest hurdle would be accepting that leaping to action literally is not the only way he can help.

But even if not on the front lines he can use his connections to continue to secure support for the Scions. If anything with him having saved the WoL's life (a tale probably exaggerated by Sellenei to make it extra heroic and romantic) his reputation would have jumped. This man might not be slaying primals and saving the world but their savior would have been dead if it weren't for him. Who would not want to curry favor with him?

Haurchefant gets to have closer with his siblings as well. Instead of the Fortemps men speaking posthumously of how they should have been better they now can actually be better to Haurche. While Artoiriel still is named count (and awkwardly tries to emulate Haurche to everyone's embarrassment) Edmont asks Haurche if he wants to be made legitimate. I think Haurchefant would want to think it over for a bit, not sure what he'd chose. But he may ask that any children he has be legitimized. Emmanellain taking over camp Dragonhead so Haurchefant can feel free to just travel with Sellenei.

Also Sellenei and him have, like, several kids in this AU. House Fortemps is just filled with duskwight babies. Edmont just spends his days doting on his grandbabies, deciding that he will not make the same mistake he made with Haurchefant. He would spoil them rotten.

Unhappiest AU: Sellenei takes the hit instead of him. I could imagine Sellenei seeing the spear of light piercing the shield and with a speed she didn't know she could possess runs over to push him out of the way. The idea to get them both out of the line of fire but she's not fast enough and the spear of light pierces her heart (accounting for their height difference compared to where it hit him) and she's dead by the time she hits the floor. No final, parting words. Silence. And no amount of healing to save her.

Haurchefant is just in disbelief. Horror at her death, anger at himself and the Heavensward, sorrow at her sacrifice, the loss of his love. Everyone needs to regroup and figure out what they're going to do with the warrior of light dead. Haurchefant while walking through Ishgard runs into Fray and... well he decides if he couldn't save her as a paladin he can avenge her as a dark knight. He takes to the greatsword as if he was always meant to.

Haurchefant and Astry absolutely massacre the Knights Twelve. Nothing holding either of them back.

I think Edmont tries to repair the relationship with Haurchefant but Haurche can't. His wounds are too raw, it feels too little too late. He works with the Scions, helping take the mantle of Warrior of Light as a homage to the memory of his lost love...

But I think he's unable to beat the last boss in EW. I'm figuring out the reasons why but I think he had less support because more people died (thinking Astry killed Estinien when he was possessed by Nidhogg as demanded by Estinien. Then she herself dies at some point during the dead ends. Maybe the other Scions met their end as well)

...and then maybe some weird timeline crossover happens and he runs into Sellenei in the main one and she's alive. Everyone is alive! And because I'm a sap for some happiness he and Sellenei still end up having kids together.

[sixthwater]

Elements within the workplace

**Check your Sun sign, sign over the 6th house, Midheaven. Check planets within the 6th and 10th house as well.

🌱 / Earth: Easiest ones to pinpoint. Even if you don't fully subscribe to astrology, they make you second guess that. They fulfill their stereotypes to a T and it's kind of hilarious. Taureans will ultimately be their relaxed self while having that slight edge of taking their role seriously, but that rarely comes out because ~we're coasting on good vibes~ and you're not ruining theirs. Virgos are wired thanks to being fixated on things being done incorrectly and being uncomfortable for whatever reason that day (probably zeroing in on something they thought they did wrong). Do them and everyone else a favor and distract them with a side conversation before they accidentally snap at someone over something small? Capricorns are the funniest because they're probably in formal attire / business casual even if that's not the code. They're one of the few people making sure things are getting done (well, they are a cardinal earth 10th house sign) and they're always seemingly monotone, busy, or like they're keeping an eye on you but they're super chill. Also legitimately funny actually, you just have to pay attention

🔥 / Fire: Needs a handler, and the exact opposite of the earth section (who is usually the handler). They're hard-working, exciting/entertaining, but usually at a cost. If you pay attention to them for a little you'll be able to guess their signs, but they hide it a bit better, considering most fire signs are good leaders since they're great initiators and super charismatic. I know they're fire signs so like yeah loud bombastic, but so far a trend I've noticed is that, when they're actually working, they're super focused and dedicated/serious. All their fire energy goes straight into their work and it's usually amazing. Aries tend to, ironically, be pretty chill when approaching work, but also be willing to speak up when things don't make sense and also be willing to try new ideas. Leos are noticed more through their creations and contributions than their actual presence, weirdly enough. They have high standards for their work and need their desk/work space to be decorated or fun in Some way (matching the seasons, personalized, funny, just something). Sagittarians are usually causing havoc, but it's fun. They oscillate between being super philosophical and asking hard hitting questions during team meetings / meetings with higher ups and then not being allowed to play with the crafts from the staff room.

☁️ / Air: The bane of my existence. The only way you can tell you're surrounded by air signs is when you're having a chill conversation and you turn around for A Minute and you turn back and suddenly you're all talking about religion, race & culture, physics, the themes of life and what's beyond us all. Geminis, stereotypically, are the most open to discussion and will turn small talk into about a 4 minute debate. It's actually very fun. They're never doing this to annoy people, but they're genuinely curious to see how other people work and where they're coming from, and it's a love language of sorts if you do the same for them (but they do get distracted immediately so) Also 100% would play games at work. Libras are hilarious and you will immediately be able to tell if they vibe-checked you or not and no I'm not elaborating for their sake. They're pretty detached from the system in general as long as nothing weird is going on (fairness, all that jazz) but They Are Paying Attention, they will clown you Lovingly if you deserve it, but they do know everyone on an acquaintance like level. Aquarians Think They Are What Libras Are, I'm so sorry I have to inform you that you are not. However they are usually the more social of the batch. They actually will hold a conversation with you and actually be engaged. To what depth I'm unsure, but you'll have their attention for that time at least! When it's time to 'socialize' they will do so and then they will disappear as if that didn't just happen.

💧 / Water: The fools of the bunch. Without realizing, their emotions are always on display for the rest of their co-workers to notice. However they're also the first ones to invest in relationships in the workforce or be deeply affected by what happens here (like I said, the fools </3). Cancers are an exact example of seeing people as family or making habits of checking in on people daily, making rounds, or having little nicknames for people. They are the ones who will either end up being protective of others, or people end up being protective of them. Maybe both. Scorpios are the most plugged in for their emotions, so they're the most pulled back. If you have encountered a scorpio in the wild, don't be too insulted if they take forever to say more than ten words to you. They're aware that their emotions can be volatile and whatever they're feeling is no one else's fault, so they don't really want to interact with people they're not used to. They're also just naturally protective of themselves. You will probably find them in the corner or in a closed off room somewhere doing their work by themselves, but they're usually super friendly and sweet. The less you try and make them talk the faster they'll open up / the more they'll like you. Pisces are pretty close to Libras actually, much more blunt about it though. They're pretty approachable, and they're pretty much just...chilling most of the time. They will goof off sometimes when distracted, enough to dedicated themselves to whatever joke they came across to 'perfect' it instead of actually working. They also like to snack a lot (loops back around into chilling and essentially making their space 'homey').

[dragon-ball-meta]

There is no such thing as toxic masculinity.

There absolutely is. The problem is, most people don't use the term properly. It's in reference to a certain view of masculinity and what it SHOULD be. Obsession over stereotypes of the "Alpha Male", this bizarre belief that strength = value in a character, the idea that certain characters cannot be paired with others because they belong with "Alphas", the idea that prioritizing something as "lame" as books or your job over being god-tier powerful and seeking battle, this notion that your height and musculature is determinate of your machismo, etc. Much of the hate for Gohan involves him setting aside being a warrior for being a scholar and family man first. This is why they still thirst over his bloodthirsty moments during the Cell Games; to them, THAT'S what Gohan needed to be. So different from himself that he was almost unrecognizable, so different and cruel that it even scared Vegeta a bit. That's what they want from him. When they don't get that, and instead get the bookworm whose motivation is to protect his wife and daughter rather than simply be "Alpha", they say he's been "ruined". This is why you see the inclination to "fix" him all the time. To randomly have him be into fighting like Goku or Vegeta for some reason. They try to depict him banging several women, including his friends' wives to prove a point about his machismo. They give him a harem and have him go on quests to kill gods. Why? It's not him at all. But it IS their idea of being "Alpha". Ridiculous, but there it is. Much of the hate for Krillin doesn't even really come from strength so much as his size and kinder, gentler nature. I mean, it can't come from strength, really; he's the strongest of the Earthlings, yet Tien gets more respect than him to the point that people say it's an insult that Krillin is stronger. Why? Because they see him as the traditional warrior type. He's taller. He's more muscular. He's got a deeper voice and harsher personality. Therefore, HE must be representative of the strongest or it's an insult to the male ego. Nevermind that Krillin has also trained his whole life, nevermind that he also has a character arc of overcoming abuse and childhood trauma, constant reminders beaten into him that he'd never amount to anything and had zero potential only to become the strongest human being to walk the face of the Earth, that doesn't matter. What matters is... he has a softer voice. A softer complexion. He's more willing to extend a hand in friendship, and prioritize his wife and daughter over himself and his wants. He'll climb a tree to get someone's kitten down, help old ladies cross the street, go shopping with his wife willingly and play & cook with his daughter. That's not MAN enough, and thus he's popularly assigned the role of a "Beta", a "cuckold" who can't please his wife and lacks the spine to stand up for himself should he find her in the arms of another man. It's why even his deaths, no matter how serious the moment, are treated as jokes; people legitimately think they're MEANT to be comedic because... well, look at him. He's not got the rugged, handsome face of a serious character, right? He doesn't have the deep voice of a manly man, right? Also ridiculous. That's not to say these are the sole motivators for everyone who may not favor these characters, sure. But they sure as shoot are VERY common reasons, arguably even the dominant ones. I've met several people who don't particularly care for Krillin who will straight up admit he gets disturbing amounts of hate for no reason, and even some of the people who are disappointed with Gohan will do the same for him. It's kinda rampant. Now I'm not gonna say everyone who tosses the term around is correct with it, but that's not a topic for this blog. Toxic perceptions of what masculinity is very much do exist though.. This fandom is chock full of it. To pretend otherwise is foolish.

[amporella]

Hot take: Not all people who demonize or mischaracterize Kyle are Kyman shippers, some people simply don’t like Kyle because he’s either too bitchy or underdeveloped.

I blame Trey and Matt for picking favorites and is very clear that they favor Cartman and Randy over the other main characters, they’re not the only cartoon creators to do that, though(hello, Vivziepop).

Sure, I do like Kyle but Trey has a nasty habit of pushing him to the side or making him the butt of Cartman’s antisemitic jokes, it’s a shame that the only main character that is part of a marginalized group(he’s Jewish) is treated like dirty by the show’s creators. The marketing and even the games for this show also either sideline Kyle or portray him in a very early seasons way while the other boys generally get more accurate portrayals.

I’m not in the South Park fandom anymore due to personal reasons btw but I needed to clear this up because a lot of people believe that only Kyman shippers have a low opinion of Kyle when it’s far from the truth.

This is an interesting ask - and while I agree in that yes, not everyone who demonizes or mischaracterizes Kyle is a kyman shipper, I also feel safe saying that among the South Park fandom (or at least the slash fandom) kyman shippers do have the highest rate of mischaracterizing/demonizing him in fanworks. There are obviously other people who do so, but in my experience, I find that they aren't members of the actual South Park 'fandom'; they're much more likely to be people who watch the show for Cartman's antics and end up sympathizing with him as a result. Really, the Cartman sympathy is the root of all evil when it comes to mischaracterizing/demonizing Kyle, whether it comes from a kyman shipper or someone who isn't actively participating/interacting with the fandom; those who find Cartman to be in the right, even some of the time, often are the ones who subsequently find Kyle to be in the wrong.

I'm sure there are members of other areas of the slash fandom who follow the Cartman sympathy -> Kyle mischaracterization pipeline, but you'd be quite hard pressed to find one when compared with the proportion they exist in in the kyman subfandom. I think the aftermath of the Post Covid: Return of Covid special is a good example; many kyman fans (often big name ones) flipped their shit following Cartman's bad ending. I've seen absolutely insane takes come from that side of the fandom - including that Cartman should have legitimately killed Kyle during their fight, that Kyle was a 'hack' of a therapist and didn't actually care about anyone, and that it was Kyle's fault that Cartman 'reverted' to the way he used to be - all of which often fall under the umbrella of 'no seriously Cartman is reformed, trust me bro!!!!'. Not all Kyle demonizers/mischaracterizers are kymans, and not all kymans demonize/mischaracterize Kyle, but the dynamic inherent within kyman often lends itself to a higher frequency of that behavior among shippers.

That being said; I don't think Kyle being 'underdeveloped' is a good reason not to like him. Kyle may not be quite as developed as some of the other characters, but he's certainly undergone his fair share of character development - and I find it quite telling when people dislike Kyle for his underdevelopment yet adore Cartman despite the fact that 90% of his character is based on various types of bigotry. If a character should be disliked for their lack of legitimate 'character', Cartman should be the one getting the hate - and I don't think I need to spell out the reason why Kyle gets the short end of the fandom stick in his place.

Anyway, thank you for the ask! This was an interesting one to answer.

[dramaqueeenamby]

𝙎𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝗈𝖿 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 | seven

Parings: CEO!Chris Hemsworth x Stripper!OC // Words: 7.8K // Type: Series // Taglist: Yes/No (Inbox me to be tagged or removed) Warnings: Sexual harassment, racial themes, discussions pertaining to child death, miscarriage, alcohol/drug use, and suicide attempts. Angst.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the inexcusable delay in updates. This chapter is hella long and perhaps should have been split into two, but I promised ya'll some answers in the last chapter, so here they are!

“What is that haircut?”

“Why are you zooming in?”

Kaya said nothing, continuing to pinch her fingers to gain a closer look, her smile widening by the second. “Holy shit, you weren’t kidding. “

Chris rolled his eyes. “All children go through phases.”

“This is beyond a phase, my friend. Don’t even get me started on the outfit.” As she erupted in yet another fit of giggles, he took advantage of the opportunity to snatch the iPad away from her.

“Go to sleep.”

Quieting herself down, she wiped at her eyes. “No. Come on. I’m enjoying this, and like you said, you were a dumb kid. How were you supposed to know these photos would haunt you till’ the end of time?”

“Only if they get out.”

“Don’t tempt me with a good time, sir.”

Chris closed the app and looked over at her. “What about you?”

Kaya’s brow lifted. “What about me?”

“What about your phases?”

She snorted. “Absolutely not.” He continued to stare her down, prompting her to cave, a surprising move even for her. Kaya’s tenacity was typically much stronger than that. “Fine.”

She grabbed her phone and unlocked it, opening Google Photos and scrolling mindlessly. She knew that any horrifically embarrassing snapshots would be from as far back as her library went. The older the photo, the higher the likelihood she would regret ever caving.

It took roughly two minutes for her to locate a set, her eyes shutting and a small moan leaving her partially closed mouth.

He smirked. “Found it?”

“Shut up.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“You’re going to make me regret this, aren’t you?”

“Without a doubt.”

She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “At least you’re honest.” Blowing out a breath, she issued a formal forewarning. “In my defense, I was young and dumb.”

“How is that diff—fine, I will reserve my judgment.”

“Liar.” When he said nothing else, she took another deep breath and gradually pulled her phone away from her breast, twisting her wrist so that he could see the screen. “I give you, thebaddestputa69.”

She watched the corner of his lips lift upward as he fought off a smile in favor of a smirk. “Hotmail or aol?” Her surprise at his knowledge of the fallen email servers must have shown because he commented, “I’m old, not ancient.”

She matched his smirk and leaned over to whisper. “Hotmail. Definitely hotmail.”

“AIM username?”

“Come on, the same as my email. I wasn’t creative enough to have multiple aliases.”

He chuckled, grabbing her phone to examine the photo. “I certainly do not miss the peace sign era.”

“I’m pretty sure I used that same pose in all of my photos back then.”

He gestured to the plastered graphic that read ‘jealousy is a disease, get well soon’. “With the same masterful level of editing, I’m sure.”

“But of course, blingee and picnik were a staple.”

A comfortable silence befell them as he returned her phone, and she quickly swiped up to close the app. Kaya was grateful that he didn’t swipe right or left, something she was expecting him to do, if she was being completely honest with herself.

Kaya yawned and naturally laid her head on his shoulder as she reached over to grab the book she was reading when they somehow got on the topic of rebellious and wild phases of days of past.

“Are we th—”

“Finish that sentence, and I will personally throw you out of this damn plane myself.”

Kaya looked over at him, eyebrows furrowed, and mouth pronounced. “It’s a legitimate question.”

“No, it was a legitimate question. However, it stopped being one when you asked me the fifth time.”

“I’m just trying to keep the conversation going. Damn.”

“No, you’re just trying to pester me.”

“Look, it’s obvious you don’t want to hear me talk anymore, so I’m just going to shut my mouth for the remainder of the flight.” He snorted. “What?”

“We both know that’s not possible.” He finally broke his gaze from his phone as he looked over with that knowing smirk that she despised. “You always have to have the last word.”

“That is not true.”

“Kaya, you’re like a child.”

“Keep it up, and you’ll be the one who’s personally tossed from this jet.”

“See what I mean.”

Groaning, she threw her hands up and shook the book in her right hand. “This is the second book in this series.”

“And?”

“And I started the series when we were still on the taxi.”

He shrugged. “Read slower.”

“Chris!”

He laughed, reaching to place his hand on her thigh as she sighed while banging her head back against the headrest. “Relax.”

“Don’t you think if I could, I would?”

“You were doing great five minutes ago.”

“That was in the past.”

“Next time, we’re taking separate jets.”

She didn’t know why but hearing him refer to future happenings both excited and saddened her, for more reasons than one. She cleared her throat. “This is a work trip, right?” He looked down at her as she placed the book down on the ground and held onto his bicep. “You know, something for your company.”

He studied her for a moment and looked up, closing his eyes as he laid his head back against the headrest. “I have the cover of this month’s GQ Italia.”

“Fancy,” she remarked, still unsatisfied with his answer-non answer. “So, I was right. This is a work thing.”

Chris thought about what she said, what she asked, as well as his response before he replied. “They offered to contract a photographer in LA.”

Brows scrunched, she had to ask, now more confused than she was just a few minutes ago. “So why go to them?”

His silence only irked her, the seconds dragging into minutes, which felt like hours. Frustrated and impatient, she called his name again. “Chris-”

“Jesus,” was all she heard before his lips were on hers, palm of his hand pressed against her cheek. Everything else after that was a sensual blur. His other hand moved to her hip, pulling her onto his lap, never once breaking their kiss. She placed her hands on his shoulders, giving a light squeeze, inching her body closer to his, close enough to feel the heat that always emanated over him.

And then, it was over.

Eyes fluttering and breath staggering, she nearly whined when he ran his thumb over her swollen bottom lip.

“This isn’t work for me.”

----

“This is our room?”

Chris looked up and chuckled, watching Kaya spin around the middle, eyes soaking in their suite. He placed her bag near the closet while crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“It is.”

Kaya nodded and grabbed the bottom of her sweatshirt, tugging it over her head. She extended her arm out and turned around, lifting a brow. “And we have maid service, correct?”

He eyed her. “Of course.”

Kaya smirked and let the garment fall to the floor.

Chris chuckled. “You wanna explain that?”

“What?” She played innocent, fingers toying with the waistband of her joggers as she began to shimmy out of them. “Staying in a fancy hotel where I don’t have t0 clean up after myself?” She walked toward him, moving to grab her suitcase so that she could find her next outfit. “Granted, we have the maid service at home, but—” Both Christopher and Kaya paused at her statement, equally surprised by how easily it flowed, but more so with the statement itself.

Defense immediately kicked in and Kaya cleared her throat. “I mean, ya know, your place.” She refused to make eye contact that exceeded ten seconds, grabbing the handle of her suitcase and dragging it in the direction of what looked like the bathroom.

“Dibs.”

Her feet weren’t moving fast enough for her liking. In fact, they were slow enough that Chris was somehow able to cross the room and grab her by her arm. She looked up, managing to remain calm while inwardly panicking.

God, please don’t let him ask anything.

“Don’t take too long.”

She swallowed. “Why?”

Her grip on the handle tightened when he moved his hand to her face, the back of it brushing against her cheek. Had he been paying close enough attention, he would have noticed the way she shivered at his touch.

“You want dinner, don’t you?”

-----

“This isn’t exactly what I meant.”

Kaya looked up from her pizza, pausing mid chew. “What? Pizza in Italy? This is goals.”

He intended to take her to a fine restaurant, one where only the elite could afford to dine. Instead, she requested pizza delivered to their room. Kaya never ceased to surprise him. “And why are you eating pizza with a fork?”

She shrugged, adjusting the thin strap of her shirt. “Because pizza is messy, and my life's already messy enough. I avoid when I can.”

Chris didn’t say anything, simply watching her eat. She caught his gaze and looked away. If she could, she’d go back in time and stop herself from ever saying what she did. It’d ruined everything. He’d been acting different around her since, and she hated that. She also hated that she hated it.

Since when did she give a flying fuck about what people thought of her? Let alone him.

It was out of character for her, and she didn’t like it.

She didn’t like it at all.

Similarly, Chris also found it difficult to focus on anything other than the encounter from earlier, but not for the reasons Kaya thought.

Not even close.

“So, what’s the agenda for this trip?”

He chuckled and brought the champagne to his lips. “And ruin the surprise?”

Her eyes narrowed as she replaced the fork with her fingers so that she could eat the crust piece by piece. “What surprise?”

“What kind of question is that? Who gives away a surprise?”

“Are you capable of ever just answering my questions with a straight answer?”

He pretended to think. “I could.”

“But?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“You and fun? Never realized they were synonymous.”

“I’d like to think we have fun.”

“We have sex. Really, really, great sex.”

“You don’t consider that fun?”

“Fun isn’t a strong enough word to describe it.” He lifted a brow, and she scoffed, tossing a red pepper packet in his direction. “Stop it. I am trying to have a mature conversation here.”

“Not quite sure how possible that is when both parties are inebriated.”

“Bullshit. You know damn well neither one of us is drunk. You haven’t seen me drunk. Hell, I haven’t seen me drunk in a while.”

The way her tone changed toward the end of her sentence garnered his interest. “Why not?”

She looked at him, her smile faltering as she nervously cleared her throat. “I—uh—I get really bad migraines, and Excedrin is the only thing that works for me.” Telling him the truth, well, a fraction of the truth, felt strange yet relieving, probably because she’d spent so much of her life hiding and lying that the truth was unfamiliar territory. “Needless to say, meds and alcohol? Never really a good combo.”

“You’re drinking now.”

“I haven’t taken any medicine yet.”

“Maybe you won’t have to.”

She smiled sadly. “I will.” A beat. “It’s all I have.” Kaya snatched another piece of her crust and swallowed fully before explaining. “That’s why my sleep schedule, if you can even call it that, is so fucked up.”

He thought about it. “Excedrin has caffeine.”

“An insane amount.”

“It helps your migraines—”

“And keeps me up in return.” When he grew quiet, she offered. “Trust me. The insomnia is much better than the pain.”

“I’m sorry.”

She grimaced, eyes darting in either direction. “Why?”

He sighed and ran his hands all over his face. “That’s why you get so upset when I wake you up.”

“I wouldn’t say upset.”

“You threatened to slit my throat in my sleep.”

“Okay, maybe I was a little upset,” she confessed, and they shared a laugh before his tone grew serious again.

“I’ll be mindful of that.” Head tilted to the side, a sign she was still confused, he continued. “So that you can sleep.”

She smiled teasingly, abandoning the last bit of her food, and pushing her plate to the side. “Is that consideration I hear?”

“It is.”

The way he was looking at her, the lack of typical sarcasm in his tone, it was both welcoming and conflicting. Crawling across the floor, she moved his plate to the side and climbed into his lap.

Hands on his shoulders, she lowered her voice and whispered into his ear. “Well, I’m up right now.”

He made a sound and brought his hands to her hips. “You are.” Her eyes shut when his lips moved to her shoulder. “You should get some sleep.”

Immediately, she coiled back and glared. “Are you serious right now?” He laughed, which only upset her further as he stood up, her legs locking around his waist. “It’s been at least 8 hours.”

“You keeping a timer or something?”

“Look.” She waited for him to place her on the bed before she grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugging so that he laid back on the mattress. She quickly climbed on top of him. “If there’s one thing I know about us, we are ideal intimate partners. Our sexual chemistry is astronomical.”

His eyes drank her in. “Is that it?”

“Is what it?”

His voice lowered. “Is that all you think we have?”

At that moment, Kaya realized a couple of things. This was wrong. She was suddenly very much uncomfortable. And this was a mistake. This was why she didn’t tell the truth. It meant putting yourself at risk for being vulnerable.

She was never good with that.

Clearing her throat, she climbed off him and flashed a crafty smile. “I’m gonna go shower.” She couldn’t handle seeing his face, so she turned around, purposely pretending she had to look around the room to search for her luggage.

“You should know I hate sleeping with blankets.” Kaya needed to redirect the conversation to another topic. This was becoming all too much for her.

He sat up and rolled his shoulders. “So, strip the bed? Got it.”

“Absolutely not. I could freeze.”

“You just said—”

Kaya stood by the door that led to the living room area and smiled sadly. “I’m a hot ass mess, Chris.” A beat. “The sooner you accept that, the better.”

-------

We need to talk when you get a chance. Please?

No matter how many times she looked at the phone, a new incoming gray message never appeared. She waited and waited, even scrolling up only for it to bounce back with no change.

She missed Nia. She missed their banter. She missed making tik toks with her. And she especially missed the advice giving, of which she could desperately use right about now.

Something was happening between them. With her and Chris. Of which she didn’t know, nor did she understand. It drove her mad because it was a new experience, one where she didn’t feel as though she always had to walk on eggshells.

Being with Chris….

“God.” She ran her hand over her face. What the hell was she doing? She wasn’t with Chris. Not like that, anyway. This was a business transaction. They were both using each other for selfish purposes.

Maybe it was the sex. Nia always warned her that behind every sexual encounter, there was at least some trace of feelings.

Kaya always thought that was bullshit.

Now….now she wasn’t so sure.

“You alright?”

She looked up from her chair and saw Chris walk in. She chewed the inside of her cheek as he sat down in the chair opposite of her. Kaya took in his wardrobe, so casual and laid back. She’d never seen him in denim before, but he looked good.

She didn’t even know the photographer, but she was a fan. A billionaire in Levi’s? Iconic.

“How does it feel to dress like us common folk?”

“Poor.” He winked as she glared. “We should be done soon.”

“Don’t rush on my part. The snacks here are delicious, and who knows, I could play dress up.” She wiggled her brows and straightened when there was a knock on the door.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the photographer spoke up and offered Kaya a friendly smile. “You’re Kaya, yes? I’m Elena.”

Kaya was surprised by the fact that this woman was both speaking to her and actually knew who she was, so her response was delayed. “Yes. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered her hand and noticed the woman was staring at her. Welp. It was nice while it lasted. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized but continued to stare. “It’s just...has anyone ever told you that you have amazing bone structure?”

Kaya sputtered. “Not unless they wanted something from me.”

Elena smiled. “Well, I suppose this is no different.”

“I don’t understand,” Kaya asked, looking over at Chris. He was surprisingly quiet.

“How about we get some shots of the both of you?”

She immediately protested. “Oh no. I—I’m just here for moral support.”

“You did say you wanted to play dress up,” he reminded. She glared. Of course he would choose to speak up now.

She turned her narrowed eyes on him and harshly whispered. “Not while being photographed.”

He placed his hand over hers. “Relax.”

Kaya remembered that they weren’t alone and therefore, had to keep up the act. Even if it was starting to feel less and less like acting.

“I’m used to people watching, not photographing.” He lifted a brow. Laughing, she slapped his chest and took a deep breath. She looked over at Elena. “Will I at least get to see them before you pick which ones to use? If any.”

“Of course.”

Kaya caved. “Fine.” He kissed the top of her head and mouthed a thank you. “You owe me.”

“Sure, I do,” he dismissed, slapping her on her ass as Elena grabbed her to drag her away.

“Time to make magic.”

-----

It was a bad idea, one of many that had occurred, Kaya realized.

When she joked about wanting to play dress—up, she didn’t think that it would actually happen. She didn’t think that she’d become involved in his shoot. Kaya especially didn’t expect to have as much….fun as she did.

And she hated that, too. The fact that she managed to smile and laugh more in one setting than she had in, hell, longer than she could remember. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all.

She really, really didn’t like the way Chris looked at her every time she walked onto set in a new look, and there were a couple of them. The way he focused on her, eyes taking in every bit of her form, all the way down from her shoes up to her hair. Like he didn’t want to look away. Like he couldn’t look away. She despised the way he held her when they were photographed together, often being the reason for her smile or laughter with his comments that he whispered into her ear, sneaking in a kiss against her temple or holding her against him.

It was all so domestic and sweet, and it made no sense.

He was starting to make no sense.

And she especially didn’t understand why she was putting off leaving the bathroom, having sat on the toilet for at least 15 minutes.

As if on cue, two loud knocks on the door pulled her from her thoughts.

“I’m coming, damnit.”

“That’s what you said last time. Come on, Kaya.” She was both surprised and annoyed that it was Chris. She expected it to be members of the glam team that he’d hired to help her prepare for the GQ function he was invited to, and of course, she was forced to accompany him. Turns out he wasn’t just chosen for the cover. He was man of the year. “We’re going to be late.”

“Maybe you should just leave me behind,” she muttered.

“Maybe I can just kick this damn door down,” he countered.

“Then you’ll have to pay for the damages.”

“Then I’ll buy the damn hotel,” he shot back testily. “I’m not going to ask you again, Kaya.”

She scowled and rolled her neck. Kaya knew he was being serious. The bastard could buy his way out of anything.

If only….

Blowing out a deep breath, she swallowed and stood, holding up her dress. It was undoubtedly beautiful, gold, a slit in the middle of her chest and on her left leg exposing more skin than she would have thought appropriate. Her curls were styled in a fancy updo, and her makeup was equally as bold as her dress, finalized with a red lip. She knew that she looked good, and that’s what scared her.

Chris had been looking at her like that all day, and she couldn’t keep handling it.

If she could even consider it handling. Managing was perhaps a better term. Poorly managing was the perfect term.

Kaya ripped open the door and plastered on a fake smile. “Happy?”

And there it was, his eyes widened and softened as he gave her a onceover. “And don’t tell me I look beautiful, cause’ I already know it.”

Kaya figured if she said it for him, she wouldn’t have to deal with the weird and uncomfortable knotting in her stomach that she experienced every time he complimented her.

And it worked, he said nothing, only helping to hold up her dress as they walked to the SUV that would escort them. In the car, she was also pleasantly surprised that he didn’t attempt to make small talk with her during the drive. She was certain, however, that it was because he took at least three different work calls during that time.

She made drafted Tik Toks in the meantime.

When they finally arrived, Kaya nearly ran out of the car right then and there.

“Is that a red carpet?” Her mouth dropped. “What the hell? You said nothing about having to walk a damn carpet that is red.”

He chuckled. Kaya realized his hand was on the exposed portion of her thigh. “Stay close to me, and I’ll take care of you. You’ll be fine.”

Kaya was used to having eyes on her, but that didn’t mean she liked it, especially when it didn’t involve money being thrown her way. “I don’t have to say anything, do I?”

He squeezed her thigh. “You’ll most likely receive compliments.”

“I can handle that,” she spoke more to herself than him. “Just long as no one asks if I prefer cats over dogs or whatever shit they ask.”

He laughed quietly and looked at her. “You ready?”

No. “Yes.”

Chris climbed out the car first so that he could help her out of the vehicle, and as soon as she stepped out, she cursed to herself. There were so many damn people. People taking photographs. People being photographed. People helping both the people the photographed and the photographers. And then there was her. She felt so out of place.

If he wasn’t already holding her hand, she would have grabbed for his.

Kaya used her left hand to hold up her dress, while making sure that she stayed close to Chris who led the way, smiling for the camera while sparing her glances every so often to assess her level of comfort.

Kaya played along, evoking a smile as she posed with him for a few photos. That’s when it started again. Like the photoshoot from a few hours ago, she found herself feeling less forced and more comfortable. Like, it was natural.

Like it was real.

Kaya was eventually allowed to stand to the side as he gave a few interviews, some in English, most in Italian. She’d meant to ask him earlier when the hell he learned to speak so many languages. This was the third she’d learned of. She had a feeling at least one or two journalists asked about her, because he would look in her direction and shoot a wink or something of the sort.

Her smile was a natural reaction.

The process was less daunting than she anticipated, not that she’d ever admit that to him. It was once they moved inside that Kaya realized they’d yet to reach the hard part. That hardest part was “socializing” with the guests, many of which were white, spicy white at best. She spotted some minorities but found that they were just as distant as the rest.

The vim of the event was welcoming, however, which confused Kaya to some extent. She simplified it down to the event was nice, the people were trash, and Chris was both an ass and a gentleman for forcing her to come.

He’d introduced her to a few people, most of which spoke poor English. That, she could acknowledge, was nice. Not the strained English, but his obvious concern for her wellbeing. He was going out of his way to make her feel as comfortable as he could.

It was also irritating because it resurfaced those damn knots.

They were seated at a table, and he was texting someone when she leaned over and tugged on his sleeve. Kaya also took a moment to appreciate how nice he looked. The man was something sinful in a suit. “I think I know him.”

He looked up, immediately locking his phone. “Who?”

She gestured with her chin. “The guy over there talking to the girl with the green dress. But don’t look at them.”

His eyes lifted to the ceiling. Right before he proceeded to look right in that direction.

She laughed despite her irritation. “What did I literally just fucking say?”

“I’ll never understand why people want to do something without actually doing it. I don’t have the time.” She shook her head. He was so impatient. “And how do you know him?”

She lifted a brow. He asked with a newfound sense of urgency. If she didn’t know any better, she would have guessed it came from a place of jealousy.

Kaya studied the stranger across the room again when her eyes widened. “I know. He’s that actor from that porn movie we watched.”

“We don’t watch porn, Kaya. We make it.”

“Stop it.” She leaned closer, hating that her smile contrasted the frustration she felt with how vulgar he was speaking in such a public setting. “And you know the movie where they…..ya know, basically the whole time, and he kept asking in that godawful delivery, are you lost, baby girl?”

Her equally terrible impression caused him to laugh quietly. “I think that is him.”

“I told you.” She spoke a little louder than she would have liked due to her excitement at being correct. “He looks better on screen.”

Chris glanced over at him once more and scoffed. “He’s scrawny.”

“Sir, not everyone is like you and built like a fucking tanker.”

“Not my problem.”

Kaya rolled her eyes and gathered her dress. “I’ll be back. I have to use the restroom.” She stood and leaned over, arms around him from behind as she whispered. “Try not to be too much of a dick while I’m gone, okay?”

He turned to look at her. “And where’s the fun in that?”

Turns out finding the bathroom was a harder task than she’d anticipated. She’d asked one of the servers while maneuvering through the crowd, but it also turned out that Kaya wasn’t the best with directions. She did find it, though.

Eventually.

Kaya was navigating her way back to Chris when she was stopped by a man in a suit along the way.

He was of average height, average build, and average attraction. She was immediately annoyed.

“Hi,” Kaya greeted with a tight smile.

“Hello,” he smiled. Add in average dental health. “You are very beautiful.”

Kaya realized he didn’t have an accent, either. American, most likely. “Uhh, thank you.” When she moved to walk past him, he blocked her. “Sir, I really should—”

“How much?”

Her eyes darted to either side. “I’m sorry?”

“Money is no issue, as I’m sure you can see, and I’d like you for a week.” He stepped closer, bringing his hand to trail it down her arm. “Longer even, perhaps.”

“Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about, and please do not touch me.” It wasn’t so much of a request as much as it was a demand. “Now, I really should—”

“You’re not American.” Kaya continued to be confused as hell when his eyes lit up with excitement. “That explains why you look so exotic.” Confusion easily morphed into rage as she finally caught on to what he was referring to. “I bet you feel di—”

“You’re disgusting,” she hissed, pulling away from him. “I am not a fucking prostitute—”

“Call it what you want, girl,” he dismissed. “I don’t judge. I can pay you well.”

“Go fuck yourself, you sick son of a bitch,” she cursed, turning away when he grabbed her arm. “Let me go.”

“You think that you’re special?” He’d taken on another tone, one that conveyed his anger at being rejected. “The fuckin’ stall I just pissed in is worth more than you, bitch.”

Kaya refused to allow him to see her cry, but she’d be lying if she tried to say that his words didn’t sting, especially his next verbal attack.

“You can slap on that expensive dress and let Hemsworth make you feel special, but I know, you know, and everyone else in this fucking place knows that you’re nothing but a cheap, illegal whore—” Panic arose when he moved his hand to the exposed skin of her thigh, squeezing tightly. His hand started to inch upward when Kaya acted on instinct. He cursed aloud while Kaya gasped as she realized that she’d silenced him with her fist dead square in the middle of his face. “You fucking bitch!”

Shock and fear took over as Kaya gathered the bottom of her dress and ran, as much as the gown and her heels would allow, that is. Certain he was going to chase her for retribution, she consistently looked back, unaware that she needed to be just as aware of what was in front as what was behind.

She shrieked and immediately went to pull herself away from the strong body she’d collided with.

“Kaya.” Refocusing her attention, she looked up and realized it was Chris. “Where the hell—” He stopped amid his statement when he took in her appearance and realized that she was crying. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Kaya looked down, speaking more to herself than him. Not that it mattered. He was judging based on what he saw instead of what she said. He’d learned by now that her words rarely matched the truth. “Let’s just go—”

“Kaya,” he repeated, softer. Chris brought his hands to her face, forcing her to meet his gaze as he asked again, slowly. “What happened?” A strike of anger flashed in his blue eyes. “Did someone touch you?”

“No,” she answered, quickly. Too quickly.

The anger escalated exponentially. “Who? Tell me.”

Kaya could have slapped herself. She wasn’t helping the situation. She was making it worse. “It doesn’t matter, I hit him, and now he’s probably going to sue you—”

“Where is he?” Chris was looking behind her, eyes flaming. He was livid. “Show me. Now.”

“No.” Speaking was becoming an increasing challenge, especially against the backdrop of overwhelming emotions. Everything she’d been feeling, preventing herself from feeling, and afraid to acknowledge was gradually bubbling to the surface. “Just—just let me go back to the hotel. I’m messing everything up for you.”

He calmed for a second, realizing what was happening. Chris was unfamiliar with this side of her. Unfamiliar with seeing her so vulnerable. “What?”

Kaya suddenly realized that her eyes were burning again. She was fighting back tears. “I’ll give you back the money for the day, it’s—it’s fine, you’re better off without me here—”

Her offer to pay him incensed Chris. This wasn’t about the money. It stopped being about the money a long time ago, even if he hadn’t realized that until today. “I don’t want the fucking money, Kaya.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Don’t—don’t say that.”

“Why? It’s the truth.”

“Please,” she plead. Control over her emotions was a battle she’d all but lost at that point. Her words, she was certain, would be next.

He raised his voice. Chris sensed, saw that she was uncomfortable, but he also realized that this was what she needed. A push. “Why?”

“Because this all about the fucking money, okay?” She matched his volume, accepting that her tears were going to fall no matter how much she willed them not to. She’d lost the war. “It has to be about the money, because if it isn’t then that means you care, and—you can’t, alright?”

He studied her, wondering if she realized this conversation was difficult for him too. He brought his hand to the side of her face. “Why is it so impossible for you to accept that I fucking care about you?”

She looked up, glistening eyes and wavering voice. “Because then I have to admit that I care about you too, and I can’t do that.” She spoke to herself, as if vocalizing it would cement a decision that was already out of her hands. “I won’t do it.”

“Why?” He pressed. Chris brought his other hand to the other side of her face, cupping it and moving closer. He gave zero fucks about where they were and who could have possibly overheard. “Why are you fighting this so hard?”

She pulled herself away from him, back colliding against the wall as she blurted, “because all I do is hurt the people I care about alright?” In that moment, Kaya realized she was so far gone that the point of return was no longer an option. Her mouth trembled as she struggled to form her next sentence, listing off names with her fingers as props. “Mami, Papi, Nia. Hell, my own brother is dead because of me.” A beat. “I’ll only hurt you, and I care about you too much to do that.”

“Kaya—"

A newfound heaviness started to weigh upon her chest, another blockade to her speech. “I’m standing here in a dress I can’t afford, a building I can’t even fucking pronounce, and with a man I don’t deserve.”

His voice lowered. “Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve you?” Kaya looked at him, her eyes softening before she squinted, her face scrunching up in obvious pain.

He took note of this. As invested as Chris was in finally getting Kaya to open up about how she really felt, her wellbeing would always be his primary concern.

“Kaya.” He placed his hands on her waist, steadying her. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” She blinked several times, blinding lights obscuring her vision. “I—can’t—" Kaya felt the firmness of his chest, inhaled the scent of his cologne, and heard her name on his lips before everything faded to black.

-----

She awoke on her side, body clutched against a pillow, and a thin sheet covering half her body. Never one to take her time returning to her senses, she forced herself to sit up, eyes still scrunched from the sleep.

Looking down she realized she was dressed in only one of Chris’s dress shirts, her dress discarded.

Memory returned as Kaya replayed the events that transpired prior to her slumber. The photoshoot. The party. The asshole.

Chris.

“I don’t care. Tell them to send it in the mail or something.”

She recognized his voice traveling from the living room area, prompting her to swing her legs over the bed, her toes submerging into the soft carpet. She’d never been in such a fine hotel where the carpeting probably cost more than six months’ worth of rent on her one-bedroom apartment.

“Evans, I don’t give a flying fuck about any of that right now. You can handle it. I don’t care.”

Kaya contemplated remaining where she was, eavesdropping without being detected. She quickly decided against it. She’d done enough.

Her feet carried her out of the room, and she stood in the doorway where she saw he was standing against the massive window that provided a breathtaking overview of the city.

Again, she considered leaving him be, but he either had exceptional peripheral vision or caught her reflection in the window because he spun around. Kaya’s eyebrows furrowed when she realized he was still dressed in his suit, with the expectation of the jacket and dress shirt which were both discarded, leaving the white undershirt.

Uncomfortable with the way he was looking at her, more concern than that, she settled onto the sofa, pulling a decorative pillow to her chest as she crossed her legs.

“I have to go,” he spoke briefly before pulling the phone from his ear and hanging up.

Kaya swallowed. He’d yet to speak, so she took the opportunity to do so. “Still don’t believe me when I said I’m a hot mess?”

“What happened tonight, Kaya?”

“Which part?” She knew that playing coy wasn’t the best route, but she was forever stubborn and would fight until she had nothing left. “Where I ruined your evening, assaulted a millionaire, told you one of my deepest secrets, or fainted in your arms? There’s a lot.”

“All of it.”

She looked away and licked her lips. Kaya felt cornered, absolutely trapped. Emotionally. She’d always assumed being physically stuck would feel far more suffocating and frightening. She was wrong.

Kaya considered her options, though far and few in between. She could deflect. She was a master at that. She could redirect blame onto him. Call him out on even making her go on the trip, for not telling her ahead of time what to expect, maybe throw in a few insults. And lastly, the most frightening of them all, she could be honest.

That was the scariest of them all.

“I lied to you.” The words spilled out before she realized it, but Kaya accepted the fact that she was tired. There was only so much she could carry, and she’d reached her limits. “My—my parents aren’t dead. They still live in the same house in Parlier that I grew up in with Denes. He’s—he was my brother.” It felt strange talking about, verbalizing what she’d quietly struggled with for so many years. And yet, there was a peace that accompanied the release. “He was such a beautiful little boy, but….different. He didn’t talk much, life skills were….hard for him, and he had these fixations on certain things. He didn’t like change.”

“Kaya, you don’t—”

“When I was eleven, and he was eight, my parents found out they were pregnant. They’d been trying for so long….they were so happy.” She roughly wiped at her face to do away with the silent tears that fell. The crying, however, was inevitable. “One day, they had a checkup appointment, and the babysitter fell through, so they asked me to watch Denes.” She nodded slowly, reverting to the same rush of emotions she felt that day. “I was so….mad, because my friend had just gotten Guitar Hero, and I was supposed to walk down to her house so we could play it.” To that day, Kaya felt a strong surge of rage whenever she ran across a throwback picture or read an article referring to that game. It was a trigger.

“My parents promised that I could go when they returned, but I just couldn’t wait.” Her nose turned up with disgust, disgust directed 100% inward. “I just had to go play that stupid fucking game.”

“Denes loved birds. They were one of his fixations. They think—they think he saw one outside our living room window or something and walked outside to see if he could catch it because, of course, I forgot to lock the front door.” She stared off into space before closing her eyes. “I had just walked into my friend’s house when I heard someone scream like I’ve never heard a scream before.” Kaya tugged the pillow closer to her chest and lowered her head. “I ran back so fast because I thought—I thought I could help him. I thought I could save him.” Her voice cracked. “—But there was so much blood, and he was so hurt—he died in the middle of the street, bleeding, terrified, and it was all my fault.”

Chris closed his eyes and shook his head. “Kaya—”

“They never found the driver,” she added quietly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “The shock of it all……it was too much for my mom, and she miscarried.” Kaya laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humor. “I spiraled after Denes passed. Everything bad and terrible I could get myself into, I did. I—I skipped class, I partied, I drank, I tried drugs.” She scoffed. “I lost my virginity when I was thirteen to some guy whose name I still don’t know because I was so drunk.” She leaned back into the sofa, staring at the intricate pattern of the rug. “I just—at the time, I thought if I did enough, I could make my parents hate me, because it’s what I deserved. But for everything I tried, they kept giving me chance after chance.”

“So, then I attempted suicide, twice, and I couldn’t even do that right.” She groaned and wiped at her eyes again. The cuffs of the shirt were nearly soaked. “I realized that God or the universe or whomever clearly wanted me to suffer and to live with my guilt, but in the midst of trying to punish myself, I failed to realize that all I’d done was cause my parents more pain.”

“Day of my high school graduation, I woke up at the crack of dawn to pack up my bags, told my parents that I was going out with some friends, but I’d be home by 7—and I haven’t seen or spoken with them since.”

She clapped and lifted her hands. “And there you have it. You’ve now seen me naked; you’ve seen me cry, and now you know that I’m a murderer—”

“You’re not a murderer, Kaya,” he was finally able to complete his sentence, still very much in shock over what she’d disclosed. “And what happened to your brother wasn’t your fault.”

Chris watched her demeanor soften, shifting from her previous facetious tone to a more somber tone. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth. You were a child.”

She shrugged sadly. “So was he.”

“That still doesn’t make it your fault.”

She turned away from where he sat across from her. She hadn’t even realized he’d moved from his initial position by the window. Untangling her legs, she moved the pillow to the side and stood in front of him. “Why are you so nice to me? You should be running for the hills.”

Chris brought his hands to her waist and pulled her in between his spread legs. “Why do you keep asking questions you already know the answers to?”

“Even after everything I’ve done?” She whispered, emotion betraying her for the umpteenth time that day. “You—you still—you still feel….like that about me?”

“You’re stubborn, impulsive, argumentative, flippant, and undoubtedly one of the most complicated women I’ve ever met.” He slowly stood up, never once breaking eye contact as he cupped her face, fingers brushing away the dampness of her flushed cheeks. “And yet, seeing you smile is the highlight of my day.”

She chuckled and nervously cleared her throat. “So, was today subpar? Like, medium light? Half-light? It all went downhill after 12pm.”

He shook his head and kissed her forehead. “You are, in fact, a hot mess.”

Her fingers grasped at his sleeves. “I really am sorry about ruining your evening.”

“You didn’t ruin my evening, Kaya.” He brought his hand to her hair, pushing back the tendrils that had fallen from her updo. “Thank you for opening to me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

“It’s a lot easier opening up my legs,” she muttered, watching as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry—you’re right. It’s—it’s not easy, and I don’t like talking about….feelings.” Her eyes lifted as she chewed on her bottom lip. “But, I do have feelings for you.” She shut her eyes and licked her top lip. “And there’s something else I need to tell you.”

His gaze softened. “Anything.”

It was so simple, the opportunity was available, the setting was perfect. She’d already told him the hardest part, now all she had to do was tell him the rest. The problem though, was that what she’d shared hadn’t changed much. It only helped him to understand her better. It would potentially improve their relationship.

This would destroy it.

She cleared her throat again. “If you tell anyone I’m capable of crying, I will smother you in your sleep.”

He chuckled and kissed her temple. “It’s late. I’m going to shower.” He studied her. “Try not to get into any more trouble, yeah?”

She smiled softly. “I make no promises.”

He gave her side a gentle squeeze before yawning as he walked back into the bedroom. Finally alone, she fell back onto the sofa and hugged the pillow against her body. Kaya felt both disgust and frustration. If there was a perfect moment to tell him, that was it, and now it was gone.

She was running out of time

-------

TAGS: @islandvamp @toni9 @destinyg237 @tashawar @valkryienymph @letsshamelessqueen-m @missyperle @kpizzletrash @brittyevans @mani-lifes @amorestevens @periodtcevans @hello-therree @shegoesbyarose @lettytheletdown @yanniebunnie @iwrite4poc @nycoledon @fangurlingismyforte @babe-im-bi @amirra88 @cocoamoonmalfoy @goldenrosexx @liquorlaughslove @ljstraightnochaser @jurneesjourney @bestyums-ever84 @notacamelthatsmywife @champagnesugamama @cest-la69vie @yanniebunny5151 @goldenrosexx​

-------

[lochnessies]

I mean to be fair to edelgard, if I found out the popes/president were actually one guy who lived basically forever, I'd probably at the very least question thus popeident's leadership skills. Especially if I found out that a good portions of this hypothetical popes religion was fake and that also this pope was basically jesus. Granted, that'd mostly because of a lack of context since this hypothetical immortal popes motives are largely unknown.

Like without the context of her motives, Rhea CAN seen in a pretty negative light. She suddenly goes from a mother/grandmother/wife/daughter who's got issues and is trying to protect her relatives and fodlann with her position while trying to turn some homuncili into her mom, to a dragon lady who's been in head of a major religion that she made up for centuries who actively stiffled/slowed down fodlann's scientific/academic growth for unknown reasons.

Like if you didn't know about Rhea's whole deal, she'd look pretty suspiscious. This isn't me saying "edelgard completely right church bad! Rhea is evil!".

I'm more trying to say Edelgard was SORT of right in being suspiscious of everyones favorite lizard pope, but jumped to WAY too fast onto the conclusion of "The church is definitely evil, because crest=bad and crest=blessings of the goddess, therefore church=bad!"

Rhea WORST 'crime' at most as leader of the church is that she was pretty passive as leader of the church. Like, apart from trying to keep the peace as a whole and hiding technology for a while until she decided (maybe arbitrarily maybe not) that humanity was ready for it, she seemed *largely* content with the state of things as a whole. Granted, that strikes me less as her not giving a shit and more just her not knowing about some if the bad shit going on behind the scenes in Fodlann, and her going "Okay yeah thats bad. Buuuut when mom's back she'll be a way better leader and she'll make everything way better than I ever could. Back to studying and researching homunculi children so I can maybe shove my moms soul into one."

That's my take anyway. Basically if Rhea and the lords had a group therapy session a lot of tragedy could have been avoided. Alas therapists don't exist in fire emblem, just look at the various characters with underlying trauma that they havent dealt with.

I mean to be fair to edelgard, if I found out the popes/president were actually one guy who lived basically forever, I'd probably at the very least question thus popeident's leadership skills.

why? wouldn’t their longevity make them better leaders? they have much more experience and know how the world works. i mean, agree with the woman or not, rhea’s results are hard to argue with. 1000 years is an extremely long time to help mitigate peace. our world can’t seem to avoid conflict every half decade it would seem. so it’s not like rhea is doing a bad job of it.

Especially if I found out that a good portions of this hypothetical popes religion was fake and that also this pope was basically jesus. Granted, that'd mostly because of a lack of context since this hypothetical immortal popes motives are largely unknown.

that’s when you have a nice little sit down and have a chat. and also, rhea didn’t make up the religion. it already existed before the war of heroes. all she did was change a couple of details to hide the fact that nabeteans existed and the fact that the elites were mad murderers to keep their descendants safe.

Like without the context of her motives, Rhea CAN seen in a pretty negative light. She suddenly goes from a mother/grandmother/wife/daughter who's got issues and is trying to protect her relatives and fodlann with her position while trying to turn some homuncili into her mom, to a dragon lady who's been in head of a major religion that she made up for centuries who actively stiffled/slowed down fodlann's scientific/academic growth for unknown reasons.

as for the tech thing, i mean, we see most of the tech inside garreg mach itself and nobody acknowledges any bans so it clearly was an extremely long time ago that they were taken down. also, edelgard never mentions these things as her reasons for war (or at all) so i don’t even think she’s aware of them so how could they color her view? like edel canonically doesn’t know about the homunculi so why would she find it sus?

Like if you didn't know about Rhea's whole deal, she'd look pretty suspiscious. This isn't me saying "edelgard completely right church bad! Rhea is evil!".

like i said above, all of rhea’s more suspicious behavior is never mentioned by edelgard. and everybody else in the game seems to like rhea well enough and not find her suspicious and all the crimes edelgard espouses are lies so what even is there that would turn her off from the archbishop other than the ‘beasts hiding in human skin’ thing.

the only character that has real legitimate reasons to not trust rhea due to personal experience and rhea’s extremely suspicious behavior is jeralt which he talks about in his journal. but that’s noting war worthy.

I'm more trying to say Edelgard was SORT of right in being suspiscious of everyones favorite lizard pope, but jumped to WAY too fast onto the conclusion of "The church is definitely evil, because crest=bad and crest=blessings of the goddess, therefore church=bad!"

i’m sure ionius had a hand in this since edel talks about how she has information about the church from him that’s been passed down from emperor to emperor (basically a centuries old game of telephone). what was told? who fucking know. she never says.

Rhea WORST 'crime' at most as leader of the church is that she was pretty passive as leader of the church.

is that the worst crime though? i mean, it’s a damned if you do and a damned if you don’t situation. rhea isn’t a queen, she isn’t an emperor, she’s a spiritual leader. she can’t force people to do anything outside of her staff at garreg mach. hell, she has no presence in adrestia, the western church hates her, and the eastern tries to help in the alliance but the nobles don’t listen to them.

the alternative is for her to grab actual political power and involve herself in the politics of the other nations and make laws that you have to follow the church’s teachings which is… uh… bad. thank goodness she doesn’t bc i wouldn’t be able to defend that lol

Like, apart from trying to keep the peace as a whole and hiding technology for a while until she decided (maybe arbitrarily maybe not) that humanity was ready for it, she seemed *largely* content with the state of things as a whole.

but she isn’t though. that’s why she’s trying to revive sothis in the first place. she isn’t satisfied with how things are and she’s actively trying to being back fodlan’s golden age through sothis.

Granted, that strikes me less as her not giving a shit and more just her not knowing about some if the bad shit going on behind the scenes in Fodlann, and her going "Okay yeah thats bad. Buuuut when mom's back she'll be a way better leader and she'll make everything way better than I ever could. Back to studying and researching homunculi children so I can maybe shove my moms soul into one."

yeah. when it comes to twsitd and them fucking shit up in the background she isn’t aware that it’s them. after the war of heroes the church had tried to uncover who helped nemesis since the church is suspicious of the fact that a simple bandit was able to commit so much horror on his own. they believed that he had accomplices who helped him, and with good reason. however, no matter how hard they looked they never discovered the puppet masters behind everything since twsitd covered their tracks and nobody knows they exist. the church eventually gave up the search in favor of helping the people and tried their best to put the incident behind them. and by the time of the game it’s been over a thousand years so i’m pretty sure that rhea believes them to be dead lol

then like you said at some point rhea starts her plan to fix fodlan through sothis again.

That's my take anyway. Basically if Rhea and the lords had a group therapy session a lot of tragedy could have been avoided. Alas therapists don't exist in fire emblem, just look at the various characters with underlying trauma that they havent dealt with.

very true.

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

ooh! I have thoughts on Eridan!

okay so, to me, Eridan ties into this thing that homestuck has going on with a lot of its more morally grey characters... the question of how responsible young people are for their negative qualities and actions, and where the age threshold for personal responsibility is.

the characters in homestuck all straddle this line between being young enough to consider them victims of the forces that influence them, while also old enough to understand what they're doing and how it affects others... especially because a lot of these kids come off as really smart for their age, and very precocious. we've all been through phases in our lives that make us cringe, not because we're ashamed of something harmless, but because we recognize that we had absorbed something harmful, and took longer than we wish we had to unlearn it. it could be as simple as being kind of a jerk in a misguided attempt to seem cool, or as dramatic as actually hurting someone in an attempt to remedy one's own insecurities by putting down others to seem better by comparison... but how far can you push that before people aren't willing to forgive? before people abandon the notion that better guidance and more appropriate role models could reform someone? and it's especially interesting when you consider how old homestuck's core audience might've been when they first encountered this story, and how it affected their perception of the characters if they saw them as peers, rather than as children from an adult's perspective.

so to talk about Eridan, I wanna frame this in terms of his classpect, because it actually goes a long way towards contextualizing his behavior. Eridan is a prince of hope, meaning that he destroys hope or uses hope to destroy... and this can be seen in practically every conversation he has. if Eridan is contacting someone, it is because he expects something of them. advice, or consolation, or a solution to a problem he's having... it's always something. when he contacts Kanaya, he wants her to auspistize between him and Vriska. when he contacts Feferi, he wants her to give him encouragement, and maybe date him when he asks. and in every case, the way he demands these things by being rude, whiny, or self pitying, makes people reluctant or unwilling to give him what he expects. he destroys what he hopes to obtain.

it goes deeper than that though. Eridan has absorbed this ideology of sea dweller superiority from living on Alternia... and he actually takes it way farther than it even makes sense to. the aristocracy on Alternia use the lower class for all sorts of menial work that they feel entitled not to have to do themselves. they might have the ability to freely cull individual low bloods for any reason, but eradicating all land dwelling trolls would leave a lot of unpleasant yet necessary tasks with no one to do them. I don't think Eridan actually wants to live in a reality where sea dwellers have to pick up the slack of doing things like sanitation work, or construction or something... but another concept that is heavily tied to the hope aspect is delusion. Eridan is exaggerating. he's trying to agree with Alternia's ruthless class structure so hard that it's actually kind of absurd. but Feferi calls him on that... she says she thinks that he self sabotages on purpose. because he knows, at least in some capacity, that the consequences of getting what he "wants" would actually be really uncomfortable to live with.

so not only is Eridan's goal to destroy... it is also a false goal that he constantly undermines. and all of his waffling between grandstanding and self pity destroys his romantic prospects, which are what he actually seems to want the most.

if you look at the way Eridan pursues relationships, he actually makes a lot of logical sense, but not a lot of emotional sense. he's idealized the act of perfectly filling the relationship requirements of each quadrant. he wants Feferi to be his matesprit, which is purely based on the fact that she's high enough on the hemospectrum to be an appropriate match in terms of status. he wants Vriska to be his kismesis, and Kanaya to be their auspistice, and there are hints that Karkat might've been someone he was considering for moiraillegience, though it wasn't emphasized as much. and there you go! his goal is specific, but it's based more on ideals than on the actual needs and feelings of the people involved, and it's totally self centered... he always wants them to cater to his own needs. the reason why he gets as nihilistic as he does on the meteor, is because all of his endeavors to achieve these relationships are falling through. he feels like he has no hope of mending his existing connections, because he still only sees them in terms of people either giving him, or not giving him, what he wants. but the rest of their race is dead. as the last twelve trolls in existence, they only have each other as romantic options. and as Eridan gets more and more desperate, he gets more and more demanding, which is the exact quality that drives everyone away from him to begin with, and it culminates in him having a "if I can't have what I want then nobody can have any of their hopes either" meltdown.

to backtrack a bit, I wanna reconsider questions such as, when is a kid old enough to be held responsible for their own negative qualities? like... when are you comfortable with ceasing to blame environmental factors? when are they just a bad person? is it after they've refused a certain number of chances to make better choices? when do they reach an age, or level of bad behavior, that makes you think they can't be helped to reform from these negative qualities? where does an adult lose their patience for the idea that a kid is just a victim of their upbringing?

obviously Feferi is Eridan's peer, but these are basically the questions she grapples with when she talks to Eridan. it's like growing up next door to a kid whose parents have some aggressively wrong-headed political stances. as you grow, that kid might mirror their parents' way of thinking... and by the time the two of you are in your teens, it's hard to ignore how much of a jerk that kid is becoming. but you've seen them at every step of their development. you know where it comes from. maybe theirs is the dominant political belief in the community, even if your own parents aren't like that. maybe you wonder if you would've agreed with them if you grew up under their circumstances. you've felt the pressure, but you haven't lived in it like they have, and maybe if they just had the chance to grow up under different conditions, they wouldn't be this way. and you are aware that you could be an influence on them... maybe they need you to help them see another perspective. you always got along so well as kids. when did things even change? and that's kind of where I imagine Feferi is at when we're introduced to her and Eridan. it's a crossroads between believing that you might still matter enough to them to change their outlook, and the persistence of their ingrained beliefs. it's tiring to do that kind of work, over a long period of time, to minimal results. when is the appropriate time to give up? in this way, Feferi's own hopes for Eridan fade over time. she says at one point that she was mainly acting as his moirail so he wouldn't try to underfeed her lusus and kill the land dwellers that way. she's not sure how serious he is, and she can't take that risk. deep down, I'm pretty sure Eridan knew he was never actually going to commit a genocide... but his need to grandstand, and legitimate belief in his caste superiority, had convinced Feferi enough that she still felt obligated to manage him as though he was a real threat.

these characters are thirteen years old. they're right at the edge of childhood and adolescence... right at the age where children aren't quite so innocent. they want to assert themselves. they aren't mature, so there's a lot of responsibility that they still shouldn't be trusted with yet, but they've become aware enough to feel like that's demeaning, and to want to be taken seriously. in an effort to make people acknowledge them without looking down on them, they'll try just about anything. they don't have the experience to know what they're doing yet, so it doesn't always work in their favor, and that's frustrating. you can see bits and pieces of this in homestuck's characters. like with the way they try to paint themselves as an authority on something, or shit talk each other in order to emphasize their own strengths. it's a really interesting theme, because homestuck pushes some of these young characters really far in terms of how bad the things they've done can be, or how much their lived experiences have taught them that what they're doing is acceptable. they can be really self aware in some ways, and come off as really childish in others. it's hard to know what you'd do about them in real life... and your answer changes depending on your own age and perspective. it's a really cool gray area to poke around in, and homestuck is excellent at it.

wtf I like Eridan now

[clumsyclifford]

hi bella i'm here bc t-shirt by thomas rhett w jalex?????? totally not bc we're listening to the song and have the same brain???? never??? not at all??? ok ily bye

sam the fact that you will just indulge me like this...........i adore you. anyway here’s some thomas rhett jalex to soothe your soul thank you for asking me to write this after i told you i wanted to write it dlgkmdfklgmfj

ao3 link!

-

Jack has a table when Alex arrives. 

“Hey, hey, hot stuff,” he hears, and looks up to see Alex leaning over the patio fence.

“Wow, and only ten minutes late,” Jack says, making a show of checking the time on his phone. He gives Alex his most look-how-impressed-I-am face.

Alex laughs and reaches through the fence to poke at Jack’s shoulder. “I’ll be in in a sec,” he says, and then retreats to go around front. Jack figures he can wait a little longer. Alex will probably stop in the bathroom before he joins Jack at the table, anyway.

A few minutes pass, and then someone tugs gently at Jack’s ear, so Jack puts his phone away, this time for good, and turns a smile to Alex.

Alex looks good. He always looks good, would look good even in a paper bag, even in nothing at all (especially then), but there’s something about the all-black combination that makes Jack’s heart race. Clothes were invented, Jack decides, to be worn by Alex. All clothes.

Leather jackets in particular.

“Hi,” Alex says warmly (he’s trying not to say it warmly but Jack knows he can’t help it), before dipping his head to kiss Jack. “How was work?”

Jack smiles. He always smiles around Alex. He’s probably in love with Alex, but in a relationship this young it’s hard to say, and Jack falls so easily it’s actually ridiculous. The words taste sweet under his tongue, so he leaves them there for the moment. For whatever it’s worth, he imagines he’ll have many days on which to share them.

“Fine,” is what he says instead, as Alex sits down. “Some of this paperwork is going to be the death of me, but you don’t want to hear about that.”

“I do,” Alex insists.

Jack shakes his head. “I promise you, you do not. I was telling Zack about it on my lunch break and I’m pretty sure he fell asleep.”

Alex chuckles. “Well, Zack’s not your boyfriend.”

“That you know of.” Jack waggles his eyebrows. It makes Alex laugh, which is always the goal, and Jack laughs too, mostly to show that he’s joking, but also because Alex’s laugh makes Jack laugh. 

“Fair enough,” Alex concedes. “Well, lucky for you it’s Friday, so no more work.”

“It’s Friday for you too.”

“Yeah, but I have lesson plans to draw up, papers to grade, et cetera.”

Jack squints. “Do you…do you think I don’t have work to do over the weekend?”

“Gonna be honest, I still don’t fully understand your job,” Alex says good-naturedly. 

Jack grins. “That’s okay,” he says. “You look amazing tonight.”

It makes Alex look down at himself, only to look back up at Jack, and under the multicolored string lights of the patio (why are there still Christmas lights up in June?), Jack can see a blush rising. “Thanks,” he says. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Thank you,” Jack says. It’s just his work suit. Their date night restaurant is within walking distance of Jack’s office, for convenience reasons, and Jack is still in his suit for the same reason. “I thought I’d make a bit of an effort, you know. Once in a while.”

“Well, if you set the bar low, you can only ever really surpass expectations,” Alex points out. Jack claps triumphantly.

“Exactly!”

The waitress approaches then, asking for drinks orders and informing them of their deal on appetizers, two for the price of one. Jack orders a beer and Alex gets water, because he’s driving, and as the waitress leaves, they decide almost without conversing that they’ll be taking extreme advantage of the two-for-one deal. 

For the rest of dinner they make small talk, except it’s not really small talk, because Jack cares so much to hear about the inane things Alex’s students have done that day; he’s been dying for an update on the gossip about the history teacher and the math teacher, and gasps when Alex shares how a student actually asked Mr. Hood if Mr. Clifford was his boyfriend. (“I’ve literally never seen Calum speechless like that,” Alex says, smirking. “It was almost hilarious.”) It doesn’t feel like small talk to hear about Alex’s day and to talk about his own, because Alex’s eyes are trained on Jack with so much focus that Jack feels like he’s explaining something much more complex and profound than just the broken coffee machine in the break room at work. It would be small talk if they had nothing else to talk about, but they have, and just aren’t; for two hours, while they slowly work their way through their own food and each other’s (Jack shamelessly nicking mozzarella sticks off Alex’s plate), they just catch up.

Jack is probably a bit tipsy as they reach the end of the meal. After Alex pays — immune to Jack’s myriad efforts to stop him, including but not limited to stealing his wallet — they sit at a mostly cleared table, waiting for the check to come back, and Jack stares at Alex. He finds himself doing it more often lately, and he can’t put a finger on why, except that Alex is so goddamn pretty it’s impossible not to stare.

“What?” Alex says, bracing his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. He leans forward. “What are you lookin’ at?”

Jack folds his arms over the table in front of him and mirrors Alex. “You’ve got something on your face,” he says. Alex starts, frowns; Jack giggles. “I’m teasing. You don’t. You’re just so fucking good-looking. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

The blush from before returns with a vengeance. “Careful,” Alex says lightly. “Talk like that might get you into trouble.”

“Are you trouble?”

Alex doesn’t waver. “I might be.”

“That’s where I wanna be, then.” Jack grins. “You wanna come over after?”

“No way,” Alex says, but he’s lying, or joking. There’s a glimmer in his eye that might just be the ridiculous Christmas lights, but Jack has seen it before. “I’ve seen your place. You messy bastard.”

“Hey, I cleaned!” Jack protests. It’s stupid, but he had, and not just because he’d hoped to bring Alex back with him tonight. (Okay, mostly for that reason.)

Alex laughs and pulls Jack into a kiss across the table, and it settles in Jack’s sternum, warmth throughout his chest. He can tell Alex is holding back, and he likes it. 

“Fine,” Alex says, as they break. “Twist my arm. I’ll come over.”

“Yeah, you will,” Jack says, smirking, and just then the waitress returns with the check.

-

They don’t even make it to the landing.

Well, they do, but clumsily, with a lot of tripping and almost-falling. Jack’s not sure if he’s holding tight to Alex so they don’t have to stop kissing or because he’s legitimately afraid to fall over. He’s mostly sober, just tipsy enough that he’s laughing at things that aren’t that funny, like when they reach Jack’s door and Jack realizes he’s forgotten to get his keys out. 

“Shit,” he giggles, and instead of searching for them he just kisses Alex again. Alex is no help at all; he melts into it like every other one, arms securely around Jack’s waist. For a minute Jack forgets that this is supposed to be the beginning of the night, and not the end. Alex’s hands find their meandering way up the back of Jack’s shirt, and Jack makes a quiet noise at the cold of his fingertips against Jack’s skin. He pushes gently at Alex’s chest. “Okay,” he says, slightly sobered, “let me get the door open, you impatient fucker.”

Alex just gives him a cheeky smile and leans in for one more kiss. It’s really fucking hard to turn Alex down, and for a second Jack wonders if he should even bother. Then he feels Alex’s hand dip into his back pocket, and when Alex pulls away this time he’s holding Jack’s keys.

“Too slow,” he says, mouth curling into an enticing smirk. 

Jack shakes his head. “Your fault,” he says as Alex unlocks the door, admitting them both to the apartment. The keys clatter as they land on the dining room table; Jack’s going to forget they’re there later, and Alex will inevitably remember. Both of them kick off their shoes somewhere in the general direction of the front door, and by that time Jack’s grown impatient himself. When Alex looks first at Jack and then past him to the bedroom, a question in his eyes that’s also an answer, Jack wastes no time.

It’s messy, but it’s always messy; Jack loves that about Alex, that he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, to play rough and leave Jack satisfied but wanting more. Anyway, Jack feels they’ve earned the right to be a little messy. Alex is a middle school teacher, and Jack’s working an office job, for fuck’s sake; if Alex wants to be the reason for wrinkles in Jack’s shirt, Jack’s in favor of that.

After, Alex cuddles himself into Jack’s chest, face pressed into Jack’s neck, trying to absorb Jack’s warmth. Jack doesn’t have control over the air conditioning in his building, and as a result it’s always either slightly too cold or hot. In summer months it’s the former, and Alex isn’t wearing a shirt, which is probably lending to the chill. Jack could suggest that Alex get dressed, but he likes Alex like this, clingy and cuddly, leeching heat out of Jack’s skin. Alex runs cold, unfortunately for him, but Jack runs warm. 

(It’s just another way they’re perfect for each other. Jack keeps running into them, the things that make Alex and Jack complementary, like how Jack doesn’t like pickles and Alex does, or how they don’t share any of the same favorite breakfast cereals so they’d never eat the other’s, or the fact that somehow, having held hands with many people in his life, Jack’s never felt his fingers fit as well as they do between Alex’s. Maybe he’s just romantic, but fuck if he doesn’t feel like he and Alex belong together.)

“You could put a shirt on,” Jack murmurs, pressing a kiss to Alex’s forehead, after Alex shivers and curls tighter against Jack.

“Boring,” comes Alex’s muffled voice. It sends a buzz through Jack’s skin. “Zero points for creativity.”

Jack laughs. “Come on, Al, you’re freezing. Take one of mine.” Alex makes a noise of protest. Jack gently pats his back. “Alex, you’re a big boy. Don’t be stubborn.”

“Your mom’s a big boy,” Alex says, but he rolls away and, with a great dramatic sigh, crosses to Jack’s dresser to rifle through his t-shirt drawer. “Any suggestions?”

“I suggest you put a shirt on.”

Alex shoots him a look. “Duh.” He pulls out one of Jack’s Orioles t-shirts and grins. “Oh, this is it for sure.”

Alex pulls the shirt over his head, and when he resurfaces his hair is hopelessly messed up. Jack can’t help but smile at it, at the whole picture. It’s too much for him, Alex in his Orioles t-shirt and boxers with the fucking American flag on them, which is his idea of a joke (and had, of course, made Jack laugh). 

“What?” Alex asks. He does a spin as if showing off the new look, and Jack snorts and shakes his head. “Stop staring at me, you creep.” He takes a running jump towards the bed, landing with a screech beside Jack and crawling over him. Their legs tangle together, and Jack gazes up at Alex, overwhelmed, hoping he never stops feeling overwhelmed by Alex.

“You just look super hot, that’s all,” Jack says gratuitously. His pulse racing, he tugs Alex down into a kiss. Alex goes willingly, and Jack closes his eyes, drowning in everything Alex; the image of Alex twirling around in Jack’s shirt, the cold of Alex’s skin where Jack’s fingertips graze his hips, Alex humming quietly in the back of his throat as he deepens the kiss, Alex’s hand in Jack’s hair, Alex’s cologne permeating the whole room, Alex’s mouth on his, and all of Jack’s senses Alex Alex Alex until nothing else matters, just him and Alex and the universe on pause.

(He almost says it, really, almost ends the kiss with I love you, you know?, but he stops himself. That’s the kind of thing people do when they don’t have the time to wait, and Jack has time. They have all the time in the world.)

[galaxiasus-a]

otomates said: "I'm sorry I waited so long." Raihan's smile, uncharacteristically self-deprecating, wanes as he stares down at their hands, fingers laced through in a loose hold between them. He shifts so that he isn't fully facing Piers, but pulls his hand with him so that he's holding it against his chest, staring up at the ceiling. "To apologize for being a arsehole, I mean. We both know it's always been there." He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. "It should've come before I told you I loved you."

↪ SELECT: Unprompted ( @selfietake​ )

His apologies was met with silence. Piers wasn’t looking at him, doesn’t stir when Raihan shifts and takes his hand in his. He was staring staring at one spot of the fabric of his blanket, eyes shifting from one to another as he allowed Raihan’s words to really sink in. He had already gotten emotional the last time they had this conversation, where the first ‘I’m sorry’ came out. He shed his tears then, he doubts he has anymore, but the pool that started to form in his eyes said something different. 

It should've come before I told you I loved you. Raihan’s attitude runs deeper than his snarky behavior and phone addiction, like Pier’s own went deeper than being the lonely goth kid hiding in the corner of the region. He knew this, far before Raihan got into the habit of telling him he loves him more than once a day. “Maybe it should’ve.” He mumbled, his voice flat as he raises a hand to wipe the corner of his eyes with his palm. 

He remembers back then, how at his core, Raihan was nothing more than an arrogant man who spoke pedestals above others. How he clearly needed to be put into his place, something Leon thankfully didn’t hesitate to do just that. 

“...It did hurt.” Especially when he was already an outcast at the time. A style that was unpar with anyone in Galar; both in terms of clothing and in battling. Despite him being one of the more powerful gym leaders, himself and his ‘gym’ in its entirety was not generally favored by anyone else. He’s sure his personality didn’t help with his already struggling reputation; his music was more of a saving grace to hide the fact he was the more quiet of the gym leaders, the one who didn’t stick too long during the afterparties. The one people only could describe him as ‘shady.’

Piers knew everything that was said. The subtle insults, the whispers that questioned why he was even considered part of Galar’s history every time he walked past, the reminders that he could never be what everyone else. Someone that legitimately mattered. 

Of all the people that was a ball of it all, the one who had to put it in front of his face every time he was brought up in one of his special interviews, it was Raihan. Anything Piers heard strangers say about him, Raihan was the one who repeated it, whether it was in a way that was worse than what they said or not.

Piers finally blinks up at him. He notices Raihan’s changed expression, as if he didn’t expect to hear that Piers knew his old intentions for doing what he did. Piers was quick to give a reassuring smile, leaning up to leave a small kiss on the corner of Raihan’s lips. “It doesn’t as much anymore.” He promises, freeing his hand and taking one of Raihan’s instead, putting the dragon user’s palm again Piers’ cheek so he can rest his head. “I got used to it.”

Just like how he knew of people gossiping behind his back, he knew that he used to not be favorite on Raihan’s list. He took quick notice that he preferred to be in a different room than him, the displeasured look in his eyes whenever they were forced to work together for one thing or another. Granted, that was his default attitude when it came to the other gym leaders as well, but in Piers’ eyes it seemed to be a lot worse for him. Raihan never spoke proudly of Spikemuth, much less to be placed in the rank right above Piers. He never had pleasant things to say about him, about anyone else, about how he doesn’t follow tradition in Dynamaxing his own Pokemon. He remembers Raihan admitting he thought he was annoying, and Arceus knows Piers picked up that fact the moment they laid eyes on each other. 

At some point, it stopped being something to be hurt over. After this sort of treatment from everyone, the treatment that still continued even now, it became more something he put into his daily life. The taunts and looks were things he had to force himself to not care about. The easiest way to accomplish this was simply to avoid. To not spend too much time around people more than he was required to do. It became his usual routine, to simply not care anymore, to not look at Raihan whenever he tried to get his attention and to do his own thing. His more important goal was to keep Spikemuth from sinking, to do what he could to prove to himself and to others that he was capable of taking care of himself and saving his name. If it was something he had to do alone, to keep Marnie away from the talk he had to face, then so be it.

“For the longest time, I thought you hated me.” Much longer than it should have been. “Even during… the almost two years you say you had feelings for me, I thought you hated me. I had already accepted that I wasn’t going to be anything more than competition, and now I had to deal with you stopping to say hi to me in the lobby?” He snorts, tilting his head just slightly to kiss Raihan’s palm to show he was only half joking. It certainly was a surprising change in his eyes at least. To go from someone that had talked big and stayed big for so long, to now the man who tried to act like a friend you can joke with whenever they got any sort of break. “I feel kind of bad, honestly. For ignoring you for as long as I did. For not saying hi back whenever you tried to make small talk with me. I simply thought it was near impossible for you to like me, much less see me as someone you wanted to spend time with. I’ll be honest, I thought you were trying to be nice out of pity for me. And then…” He genuinely laughs now, a small smile as he thinks back fondly at the memory. “You.. stopped mid interview because you saw me. You just stepped away from the spotlight.. Because you wanted to talk to me.”

He pauses, letting go of Raihan’s hand when he felt his hair getting tugged. Turning around, he saw the Deino attempting to make trouble again, her blindness proving to not be in her favor when the only way she could find her trainer was by biting into his long hair. “I guess in that moment is when I realized you really were trying to make peace.” He continues, shifting so he could pick up the gifted Pokemon and place her securely in his lap. Already she was trying to find things to put in her jaws by snapping at the air, Piers’ only option was to finish what he wanted to say in a hushed voice so he could keep the Deino calm. 

“I gave you a chance after that. Because I saw you were trying, and there was something.. different about you. I guess those beat downs from Leon really proved to do their job, hm?” He teases, watching the Deino make herself comfortable by curling up in his lap. “I never wanted to bring up how you used to treat me, never really felt like asking why the sudden change happened, simply because it was things I wanted to put behind me now that you were genuinely making the change, and… well, because I didn’t see the point to it. I didn’t care for it anymore, sad to say or not; there was never a revenge plan. Never something to use for blackmail. I figured maybe the both of us wanted to ignore it ever happened.”

He says it, yet knows of the inner turmoil he felt during that time. He can’t fully blame Raihan for it, not when there was some percentage of it remaining because of current different factors. It was easier for him to say that he wanted to ignore that it ever happened, but as his bright eyes darkened the more he spoke showed that his past self held a stone in his heart that was hard to explain.

He thought back to that day. The usual routine of having to wait in the sidelines, the gym leaders’ losses not in full vain as a gym challenger made their way towards fighting the most powerful trainer in the whole region. It was going to be a normal fight, until Raihan for some reason stepped into the field. Where he declared his love, he later learns that its more than a year’s worth, for Piers in front of Galar in a way that was impossible to fly over his head.

Much to everyone’s surprise, he accepted his confession that day.

He doesn’t know what he signed up for when he did it. He wasn’t prepared to be the subject of Raihan’s extreme acts of affection. Or to finally be able to sit back and breathe when it came to defending a town he so deeply called home, because there was no need to try and do it on his own anymore. The person that spoke negatively about his gym for so long now became its biggest supporter. The man he never dreamed he would see himself as a friend towards was now the one that held him in his arms almost every night just so he could get some proper sleep. Now he was the one he doesn’t mind kissing in the privacy of his room until too much time has passed. He doesn’t know where the same loving feelings towards him came from, or when those feelings came to be, but… “I guess I liked you back, despite it all, because I saw who you really are. Someone with a heart, someone more than just the popular guy.”

Doing his best to remain careful not to wake the now sleeping Deino, he shifted so he could sit closer to Raihan, enough so he can rest his head against his shoulder. “I knew you were sorry because you said you loved me. I know you’re sorry because you send me good morning letters every day, no matter how much you like to complain about having to write letters just to talk to me. Everything you’ve done for me… the fact you still want to be with me, from you treating Marnie with respect and from you being the loudest out of all my Team Yell members whenever I have a match with a trainer, that's what I saw as your apologies for everything you did. I already knew. I already felt better about anything and everything because I’m around you.. You finally doing this, it just makes me find more reasons to love you.” He trails off, his hand holding onto Raihan’s as his thumb drew circles at the back of his hand. He can’t remember the last time he had been this open, Arceus knew even Marnie doesn’t know half of the things he had just admitted, but he’s grateful that he was talking to him. “I waited a long time to hear those words, Raihan, not just because I wanted to see you own up to it, but also simply so it gives me a reason to say… I forgive you.”

He lets out a soft sigh, sitting up so he could fumble with gifted scrunchies and undo the mess that was his hair, casually getting ready to turn in for the night. They had a long history together, one that wasn’t filled with many happy memories as one would assume. He can only hope having this conversation reassured Raihan enough, that he held no ill will against him for everything he had done. More than anything right now, Piers simply wanted to make more memories with him. Memories with the two of them as a couple, that he can look back on years from now and smile over it.

With the peaceful Deino now nudged off his lap and onto her corner of the bed, he gently places his hand on the side of Raihan’s face and turns him so he can fully look at him. He stares at him for a brief moment, only to lean in for the kiss he’s been dying for the entire time. It was his usual softer one’s compared to the ones Raihan loved to deliver, breaking away so he could nuzzle into the side of his neck. “You’re not the guy I want to avoid anymore, my beloved, now you’re a person I don’t want to live without.”

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

Hi! I'm a jonerys shipper but I find your theories very interesting. I wonder though, how will you feel about the show/Asoiaf if Political!Jon is debunked with season 8? Do you think it will change your opinion on Jon? And will you still ship Jonsa if he truly bent the knee because he is in love with Dany? I suppose I'm wondering how a post S8 Jonsa faction will look.

Hello! I really appreciate the question because it’s not a bad one: what if political!Jon isn’t a thing? First, I guess I’ll explain what I think has to be true for political!Jon to not be true.

Jon has to have total faith in Dany’s ruling ability; not just her capacity as a conqueror. Jon has to have thought it was acceptable to give away the Stark ancestral home without consulting anyone about it. Jon has to have actually been unable to lie to Cersei at the Dragonpit. Jon has to actually believe that the stuff he warned Dany about earlier in the season (about northerners not wanting to follow a southern ruler) is either not true anymore - or - at least not as important as the urgency to give away his crown before he could even talk to them about it.

All of these have terrible, terrible implications on Jon’s character.

Because it will mean a number of things…

1) It would mean that Jon really didn’t learn anything from Robb and Ned and their respective downfalls. That’s tragic in itself. When it comes to Robb, sure he made mistakes that cost him his life - but he was also way too young and thrust into a position he should never have been forced to undertake. The same is somewhat true for Jon, except he’s now been in leadership and he knows his family’s mistakes. 

I don’t want “aww shucks” stupid heroes. I don’t enjoy that type of storytelling. I don’t think it’s something I can suspend my disbelief while I’m watching if I actively think “he is a complete and total idiot” and he’s supposed to be un-ironically a hero of the story. Beyond that, I think that’s the opposite of the point of Jon’s arc, most especially in the books but also on the show. 

Robb and Ned are there to be cautionary tales for good people who are struggling with the intricacies of dangerous political games. Jon being as dopey as not learning anything from their decisions cheapens Robb’s story, it cheapens Ned’s story, and it makes Jon simply a lucky idiot if he somehow survives.

Jon is also taking a gigantic risk throwing all his eggs in Dany’s basket even if he thinks she’s the most wonderful person. He has no idea what she’s like as a ruler. He didn’t know anything about her other than she’s come to Westeros and has three dragons. He doesn’t know anything about her tenure in Essos - or that it concluded with her very responsibly have Daario Naharis overlooking the biggest political transition in thousands of years over there. No big deal.

In the best case scenario, Jon would have been detained on the island, been “asked” to bend the knee to Dany on multiple occasions, and agreed to go on a mission that he otherwise wouldn’t have gone on (since he asked Dany multiple times to come North without regard to Cersei’s intentions) and almost died on that mission only to have seen Dany take another big risk by flying her dragons up North to try to save him.

That’s not even close to enough information for Jon to know whether Dany is in any way a good ruler. Flying dragons and ruling are two different things. He took a huge gamble whether it’s political!Jon or not; but at least with political!Jon it was because he felt he HAD to do it to ensure her commitment. The alternative is Jon handing that over without any clue as to whether she can do the mundane things like administer land dispute decisions or responsibly manage the treasuries of Westeros. 

2)  It would mean that Jon governs and makes decisions based solely on his own emotional impulses which would really suck. It’s practically inexcusable for Jon to behave this way. It’s irresponsible as a ruler for him to just hand Dany power like he did at face value without talking to anyone from the North about it first. You could have made an argument to me that Jon could legitimately think Dany should rule the North and it might be a plausible explanation without making Jon a terrible rule IF Jon had actually waited until he returned North to tell the lords in person that he planned to give away the crown for her.

By not doing so, it tells me that either Jon is inconsiderate and impulsive enough to give away something as sacred as an entire country (on the macro) and his childhood home (on the micro level) - OR - there’s something else in play for why he felt it absolutely necessary to “bend the knee” with the timing as it occurred. If there’s some 3rd explanation that I haven’t thought of - I’d actually be willing to read it first before I decided whether it’s an idea willing to entertain.

I don’t talk politics thaaaat much on here, but the analogy really would be that, after being elected, Donald Trump literally believed he had the authority and moral high ground to hand his presidency over to Putin. Not only would everyone hate him, but he literally does not have the authority to act like that and would be removed from his position before it happened.

[to be clear Jon =/= Trump and Dany =/= Putin. It’s an analogy on political leaders behaving in another context. If you want, you can imagine the PM of Canada and the the King of Wakanda as substitutes behaving the same way.]

By going solo in that process - Jon almost guaranteed at the very least a gigantic amount of political turmoil in the North…but it’s something I think he’s aware of and has anticipated. If he hasn’t - he has no business ruling anything ever. 

There is no reasonable explanation for the timing of Jon bending the knee (before consulting with anyone in the North let alone his very own travel companion Davos) other than political!Jon and realizing the exact moment was right because Dany had just promised to help fight the Night King and Jon wanted to cement her commitment as much as he could.

3) It would mean that Jon genuinely valued everyone knowing openly that he planned to fight Cersei in the war after the Night King over actually getting the truce to allow them to fight the NK. If Jon did what he did at the Dragonpit - then he proved himself a liar when he said just before that “there is only one war that matters” because he immediately (again, in the absence of political!Jon) affirmed his position in the war for the Iron Throne at the expense of the war to save the Realm. 

Beyond the silliness of the idea that Jon Snow is incapable of lying to Cersei - it really is highlighted perfectly in Jon’s scene with Theon:

“You risked everything just to tell an enemy the truth.”

I mean…is telling the truth generally good? Yes.

Is telling the truth still good if….

SCENARIO: Bad Guy has their finger on the button to launch a nuclear weapon on a Sunday and they say, “oh wait, these nuclear codes were only good until Sunday and now it’s after midnight so it’s Monday!” 

Bad Guy is momentarily confused. “Or is it still Sunday? Say! You, Honest Fellow! If it’s really after 12:00 AM, I’ll have to leave here and try to grab more launch codes, is it really after midnight? I don’t have my watch.”

Honest Fellow: “I’d like to tell you it’s 12:04….but alas, I cannot. It is 11:58-…”

*KABOOM*

Well…you’d rightfully be displeased with Honest Fellow. But, then again, I think Jon Snow would hate this honest fellow as well. How stupid is that if it’s the same story we heard at face value? 

“I just can’t lie!” 

That’s irredeemably stupid. It KNOWINGLY put everyone at risk and actually is LUCKY that Cersei planned all along to accept a truce so she could have time to replenish her forces with the Golden Company. 

I’d recommend that the Honest Fellow version of Jon Snow climb up that 700 foot Wall he’s supposedly been working so hard to protect and fling himself off. They could call it Lord Commander’s Landing.

4) It would completely upend the part of Jon’s story where he has yearned to truly be a part of House Stark, his residual guilt about not being there to help Robb when the fighting began, and his close relationship with Sansa after their reunion. 

I could say plenty of shippy things about how the absence of political!Jon would completely ruin the relationship with Sansa that Jon’s built since they reunited but I don’t even have to go there. Simply as a close companion and trusted adviser and family member, Jon would have spat right in her face.

People seem to misinterpret Jon feeling like an outsider with the rest of the Starks with Jon never feeling welcome and never wanting to be a member of House Stark. The exact opposite is true. Jon’s detachment was due specifically to his wanting very much to be Jon Stark but feeling like it was an impossibility because of his birth. Jon loved the Starks. He wanted to be known as Ned’s son. He craved acceptance from Catelyn but never received it. It’s caused him to feel unworthy of that. 

When they found the direwolf pups, Jon wanted each Stark to have a wolf first. It was essentially a gift of the gods that Jon “heard” Ghost (who is famously silent) after his noble self-denial in favor of the trueborn Starks. 

Immediately after winning the BotB, Jon makes sure Sansa takes up residence in the Lord’s chambers. He didn’t do that because he doesn’t care. He cares very deeply. He wanted Sansa to know that she is House Stark’s true representative. He doesn’t feel like he deserves that, hence the sadness in his voice as he says “I’m not a Stark.” He reiterates that Sansa is the Lady of Winterfell. Being the Lord or Lady (as opposed to “acting” Lord or Lady) means that Sansa has hereditary rights over Winterfell - something they both fought like hell to re-take.

Now I’m supposed to believe that the guy who didn’t even want a simple puppy before the other Starks, who fought like hell to re-take Winterfell, who tried to desert the Night’s Watch once and arguably did a second time to fight for the Starks, who very intentionally placed Sansa as the head of House Stark rather than himself, who then passed to her specifically ruling authority over the North while he was away - THAT GUY - is now supposed to think it’s fine and necessary and RIGHT to give ruling authority and his crown over to a woman before she ever even stepped foot in the North.  (The Gift, which is the territory along the Wall is owned by the Night’s Watch independent of the North. Even if you count the top of Eastwatch as Dany stepping foot up there, she’s still not in the political North)

All of this, too, without ever talking to a single person about the decision beforehand. 

That’s a Jon Snow I cannot root for or reconcile with the rest of his story. In my mind, it’s character assassination.

It would make me wonder what the point was of Jon Snow even coming back from the dead.

Thank you for the ask. Hope this answers your question sufficiently. You’re welcome to ask more anytime. 

[lowat-golden-tower]

Hey have you read homestuck? I'm trying to decide godtiers for the sides and thought that maybe you could help?

I have indeed read the Chaos Devil’s spawn of memes. Back in its hey-day I was eyeballs deep in that fandom, and yes, I was actually a source for classpect information at one point. I went and sifted through my old sources (god bless @dahniwitchoflight tbh) and tried to puzzle this one out.

Now note, I am very rusty with all of this and honestly the classpect system can be dissected any number of ways. So this is purely my interpretation.

With that said, shall we get to it?

TL;DR Version (for explanations and thorough analysis, check under Read More):

Thomas - Mage of BloodLogan - Witch of LightPatton - Knight of HopeRoman - Maid of Heart (ha)Virgil - Rogue of DoomDeceit - Sylph of VoidRemy - Heir of Breath (hi john)

So first I went and took a look at possible classes. I decided to include Thomas, Remy and Deceit along with the sides just for the fun of it, and surprisingly only one of them actually lined up with a single class and no other (the rest have many that could work).

Remy is a Breath player. Hands down. Nothing fits the sleepy rebel boi like Breath. Breath players can be disconnected, apathetic and indifferent. They’re detached, obsessed with liberties and freedoms and independence. They seek flexibility. If that isn’t Remy, then I don’t know what is. He shares these qualities with Virgil, actually, but I decided Remy exemplified the class far more.

Now for Remy’s class, I found four to be appropriate, so it was a matter of choosing the best. Heir, Mage, Sylph or Knight; after much deliberation I finally decided on Heir. Mages tend to have a dichotomy with their aspect I don’t see for Remy, Sylphs are too obsessed with pushing their aspect onto others, and Knights tend to use their aspect as a shield for fear of lacking in it. None of these suit Remy like the Heir, true naturals of their aspect who often don’t even need to actively seek it out. Usually they have problems getting stuck on one thing or another, and Remy does seem to have troubles with adapting. (Poor Thomas.)

Remy is an Heir of Breath. (Like John Egbert!)

Let’s go with Deceit next. He has the next lowest number of associated aspects after Remy, with just two: Rage or Void. In the end I found Rage to be too extreme of an aspect for Deceit, at least for the moment, with so little information known about him as a character. Ironically, he shares the Void association with Virgil, but I feel it is definitely more appropriate for Deceit. Void is infinite possibilities, its indifference and confusion, secrets, doubts, irrelevance. All things Deceit either is or does. The other sides would like to see him as irrelevant. He creates doubt and confusion through deceit, hoards secrets, and sees the bigger picture of things which is what prompts him to be deceitful in the first place. Creating something from nothing just because? Sounds like Deceit.

Now class… haha, oh boy. This was not so easy. About two-thirds of the classes for this aspect could apply to Deceit. So I had a lot of comparing to do, to narrow it down. Mage and Bard are two classes that I really struggled with, honestly. I feel like Mage of Void would suit Deceit if he became the truly despicable person we all know he could be, as the embodiment of deceit itself? While Bard of Void would apply more to “sympathetic Deceit,” a reformed Deceit who didn’t want to be the villain but was made out to be. And yet… Sylph of Void. Oh, Sylph of Void just screams Deceit, they are masters at hiding things and will happily do so, and make others do so.

Yeah, this one was really difficult. At the end of the day, I feel Sylph is the happy medium between Mage and Bard. They’re meddlers. They hide things; their actions, their motives, themselves. A Sylph of Void in particular would not be good working with others, making them feel useless, meaningless or insignificant. They’ll talk over others and shut them up. No one ever knows how much they’re hiding, or what they have up their sleeve. It’s all fitting.

Deceit is a Sylph of Void.

Let’s go with Thomas next. He’s tied with Logan for the most associated aspects at three. Space, Heart and Blood. In the end, I went with Blood. Heart just screams Patton to me far more, and Space feels more like Roman (but I’ll decipher those two when I get to them). No, Blood definitely feels like our Thomas. All about bonds, commitments, dependency on others and others onto you, taking responsibility and upholding promises. Our Thomas has an enormously strong bond with his friends, and even with the community he’s created. Not to mention his sides. :)

But now, what class for our creator? I narrowed it down to Mage, Maid or Knight, but in the end settled on Mage. Knight seemed just a little too insecure for Thomas, at least in this stage of his life. And Maid was a little too submissive, a bit too much of a doormat for relationships. No, Mage suits Thomas best. Tied down to his obligations; commitments to fulfill, promises to uphold, connections and bonds to maintain. They try to support the people they’ve bonded with, friends and family alike, and work hard to maintain those bonds.

He’s Mr. Dependable, or tries to be, but he often wonders about giving up a few of those obligations, of getting some more freedom and having fun. He fully feels the strain of all that responsibility. This even applies to his sides, each of whom he cares for and tries to keep stable, including their relationships with each other.

Thomas is a Mage of Blood.

Who next? Let’s go with Logan. Yes, finally digging into the main core of the sides. (He’s also my favorite.) Now due to Thomas taking Blood, that leaves Logan with Light and Mind as his possible aspects. Those of you familiar with Homestuck will understand why, as both are composed of a form of knowledge; having it, seeking it, stealing it, what have you. Now, Light also has a bit to do with luck, but that’s why I’m going to pick apart the threads and dissect them to figure out which suits Logan better.

Now for starters, Mind is the opposite of Heart, which I said suits Patton a lot. Hell, we have an entire video titled “Mind vs Heart” via Thomas, about how Logan and Patton are opposites. Nonetheless! I wanted to look at Light as a legitimate contender. Mind is reasonable decisions, it is logic, it’s rational and driven by pure thought. It can be impersonal, apathetic and indifferent; all things Logan has been, though he’s working on it. He gives equal weight to all options, not favoring any, no matter their moral siding. It is supremely Logan as any aspect goes.

Now Light, those with this aspect are knowledge seekers. They want to understand things. They take multiple sources of information and turn it into something useful, something usable. Scholars and researchers dedicated to knowledge for knowledge’s sake. They go after it with an intensity that might put off others. At their best, they are resourceful and driven. At their worst, fussy, pedantic and insensitive. HOO BOY if all this doesn’t sound like Logan too. And in the end…

Obvious a choice as Mind might be, I think Logan is indeed more Light. Perhaps in the beginning, when he was just Teacher, he could have been Mind. But he’s opened up so much more, revealed to us his quirks and eccentricities. He isn’t cold, unfeeling fact. He’s a rush of enthusiasm and a spark of joy and always thirsty to learn more, more, more to the point he can be blinded by his own desires. Yes, Logan is most definitely a Light player.

Class-wise, it was surprisingly hard. Few of the classes suited Logan all around, with the closest being Witch, Sylph and Heir. Now, we already have the latter two. I was trying to avoid doubles of the classes and aspects. Heirs are already gifted with a huge heaping helping of their aspect, they naturally gravitate to it. Their challenge is to not get stuck on one thing; to learn to change and adapt. Very Logan-like. Sylphs, as I mentioned, are meddlers, which is also very Logan-like. Witches, now… Witches control their aspect. They manipulate it. Think of Jade Harley, Feferi Peixes, Damara Megido; all witches who could utilize and abuse their aspect with a snap of their fingers.

Logan embodies logic, and knowledge; he loathes luck, probability and superstition. There have been times where he used his knowledge to come out on top, to try and expose others’ flaws, and he’s willing to see how some knowledge can be subjective. He often disagrees with the others on what they consider meaningful and important, and replaces it with his own views. He’s a know-it-all, he has an ego, and honestly he’s a little attention seeking. But he can also manipulate the information at his disposal, all the data Thomas has learned, to glean more from it- even if it wasn’t correct, or useful. This has also been shown in canon. Thusly, my conclusion…

Logan is a Witch of Light.

Let’s go with Virgil next. Now, like I said, I’m trying to avoid doubling up here. Remy is far more suited to Breath, and Deceit is more suited to Void. That leaves Virgil with the aspects of Heart, Rage and Doom. (I’m sure all of you saw the latter two coming.)

After reading further into Heart while looking into Thomas, I’ve decided it really doesn’t suit Virgil like I initially thought. Which gives us Doom and Rage to compare. Now Rage is unconditional hate or fear, refusal, rejection, skeptical criticism, doubt, negativity, despair, Getting the ‘Red Light’ or a Hard Stop, just absolutely no. That is Anxiety, and Virgil, to a T. Everything is going to turn out wrong. Don’t be fooled by peace and success, it can all go to Hell in a second. Nothing is “fine,” nothing is “okay.” But it’s not always fierce and lashing out, it also creeps up on you, paralyzing you, ensnaring you in a cage. It’s anxiety.

Doom on the other hand is harming, it’s all about control and limits, negativity, withdrawal, caution, but it’s also acceptance. It’s a little less extreme than Rage, more caution than outright disbelief and denial. Like Deceit with his classes, I get the distinct notion Anxiety was a Rage player, but once he became Virgil he settled firmly into the Doom aspect instead. He suffers, but with that suffering comes wisdom and empathy. He isn’t a healer or a fixer. He’s there to tell you something is wrong, but it’s okay, he’s there to suffer with you. He can be kind, but at his worst he can also be bitter, resentful and fatalistic- traits we saw far more in his earlier appearances.

So, Virgil is a Doom player. For him, I see Heir, Seer, Sylph or Rogue. Yet again, we already find ourselves with an Heir and a Sylph. Virgil sure does have a lot in common with Remy and Deceit, eh? So let’s focus more on Seer and Rogue.

Seers are shown knowledge of their aspect, and need to figure out how to apply that knowledge to the relevant situations. Virgil, seeing all the doom and negative consequences, and attempting to apply them where necessary; as anxiety does. Rogues, on the other hand, have problems coping with their aspect. They often think they can’t handle it, and they give up. Very defeatist. They’re supposed to come to terms with their aspect and own it.

And that, right there, is the key. Virgil initially being embittered by all the bad he saw in the world, the dangers, how no one ever wanted to listen to him or thought he was overreacting. Hyper-focused on if he can handle this job, if he’s really doing the right thing and being effective. Hell, there’s an entire video about Accepting Anxiety and I feel like it’s that video where Virgil would truly start to come into himself as a Rogue of Doom.

Rogues of Doom have trouble coping with rules, limits, obligations and responsibilities. They may think they don’t have the proper structure for it, or that they can’t handle it, or don’t deserve it. These are all doubts and fears Virgil tells to Thomas, as his anxiety. He constantly worries and frets over them not being good enough. He acts like he doesn’t care about not being accepted by the other sides, but in Accepting Anxiety it’s shown he really does. It eats him up inside. He feels repulsive to them, unnecessary and too pessimistic to be helpful or healthy.

Is it really futile to chase this desire? What if you stop, and regret it for the rest of your life? How do you know for sure this is necessary? Is it worth the sacrifice? Anxiety is uncertainty and questioning yourself, and that’s precisely what a Rogue of Doom does. They’re avoidant.

Once Virgil realizes he is important and is needed, he can step up and embrace those doubts and fears. He can use his pessimism and caution more constructively, to help Thomas and guide him, perhaps even pulling burdens and fears from the other sides to help them out as well. He, like all rogues, starts out selfish but has the capacity to become one of the most selfless classes. And through the progression of Sanders Sides, we have witnessed this growth.

Virgil is a Rogue of Doom.

That leaves us with Roman and Patton. I’m going to save Roman for last, because I feel like he’ll be tough. So let’s take a look at Patton!

I’ve already stated Heart suits him very well. However, we proved Logan didn’t fit the obvious, so let’s also look at the other aspects he could be associated with: Life and Hope. Hope and Heart are also aspects which could be associated with Roman.

Hope is unconditional love, confirmation, harmony, acceptance, naive optimism, belief and positivity. Everything is going to be okay, someway, somehow. It’s warm, accepting and open arms, lots of hugs, lots of “I’m here for you’s.” It’s a drive pushing you forward against all odds. Life is also positivity, growth, energy, recklessness and liberation. They’re always concerned for others and are deeply empathetic. They often put others’ needs before their own. At best, they are great caretakers, listeners and nurturers. At worst, they can prove to be passive-aggressive and pushy because they think they know best.

Heart, meanwhile, is irrational impulses, instinct, emotional, feelings, biased opinions, empathy and passion. It’s the soul. It’s who “You” are. It’s irrational and driven by pure feeling. There may be no justification for how they feel, but gosh darn it, they’re gonna feel it a whole lot anyway! Focused on morals, on what they view as “right,” and they show favoritism to options in this way. Very strong moral compass and, well, Patton is Thomas’ Morality.

So… yeah. This is indeed a tough one. I think it’s safe to say Heart and Hope trump Light here, and that Heart can most definitely suit either Patton or Roman. So to solve this, I decided to do a quick check to see if Roman would actually be a Heart player.

I’ve already crossed out Hope for him, as that is most definitely more of a Patton aspect. Fitting as Time is, I crossed that out as well. I feel it’s just a little too focused on the endgame and the “end of things” for Roman. He enjoys the story and the journey as much as the conclusion. Then I looked to Space, which is all about creation- but Space players are also patient. They pick and choose their battles, they take things as they come. That… is not Roman. Thus, in the end, I have decided.

Roman is Heart. Patton is Hope.

I’ll get to Roman’s class later. Let’s get back to Patton, now that we’ve established he is a Hope player. I narrowed down the classes to Knight or Page for him. Knights hide a fear of perceived fundamental failure with their aspect behind a shield of confidence and obvious effort. They’re supposed to learn that they are, indeed, enough and take it down a notch. Thanks to the nostalgia videos, we’ve seen this does, in fact, fit Patton. Pages, on the other hand, start with a lack of their aspect that they try to overcome with obvious overcompensation. They need to keep at it, even through the failures, to become the strongest of all player classes for their respective aspect. This also sort of suits Patton, but…

I’m gonna go with Knight of Hope. I really don’t see Patton lacking the aspect, even if he would try to overcompensate. He aligns more closely to Knight in that way, I find. Good at exploiting his own optimism and positivity, a great motivator and positive force. Great at instilling hope to get things moving along, a fantastic driving force sitting firm in his beliefs, even if occasionally he wonders if its enough. Is he being positive enough? Happy enough? Is he motivating the others the right amount? He piles and piles on the optimism, the joy, the good vibes even when he himself feels low. He welcomes and accepts new people and ideas, though he doesn’t tend to waver on his beliefs and ideas unless shown a “more real” alternative. And when he fails, he feels it intensely, as if he led everyone else astray. The moment he discovers one of his beliefs is false or truly harmful, he’ll drop it like it’s hot.

Patton is a Knight of Hope.

And last but not least, we have Princey. Roman, whom we’ve already determined is a Heart player. So half our work is done. Now to discover his class....

Out of those remaining, Maid or Page would be the most suitable choices. Maids of Heart start out relying on others to tell them what to love or hate. What to feel strongly or passionately about. They may even rely on others for their sense of self. Think a young Roman, a young creativity. Thomas turning to Disney, to Broadway, to his friends and parents and teachers for inspiration. Hell, Roman almost religiously follows Disney, believing all dreams will come true, princes are heroes and villains are irredeemable. I imagine these impressions being made at a young age.

As he grew, Roman would need to start relying on himself for that direction. He would need to look into himself, who he really is, and only take those outside forces as possible influences rather than the end-all, be-all. No one can tell you who you are except you. No one can decide what you love or hate. Roman creates his own sense of self, finds his true passions and then follows them, leading Thomas along this path. He’s an absolute force to be reckoned with when it comes to these passions, i.e. Disney. It’s infectious. Others get caught up in his own enthusiasm and excitement. Very Roman.

Pages of Heart, on the other hand, try to overcompensate for their lack of the thing rather than rely on others to fill the void. They act irrational and impulsive based on their instincts, which often leads to wrong decisions and interpretations. They try to act caring and empathetic to the point it comes off as insincere. Overemotional, open and honest to the point of giving away far too much information. They go overboard, they become obsessed with their passions. Super affectionate, over dramatic in their emotional displays. They blow everything out of proportion. Driven by strong desires, wants and needs. They need to learn how to be balanced.

As you can see, both of these classes suit Roman to a degree. However, I feel Page is a little... too extreme. I don’t believe Roman overcompensates that much, and he certainly doesn’t go to great lengths to be affectionate and caring towards the others. In fact, sometimes those emotions can be stunted, particularly with Virgil or Logan. No, I see Roman as a Maid. I see him as being inspired by the world around him, and then taking that inspiration and owning it.

Roman is (a) Maid of Heart. (Ha.)

[shenanigumi]

Hello!! I'm on my third playthrough now but tbh I still don't really understand the politics in the game, like what everyone wants to achieve and who's allied with whom and what their statuses are... do you maybe know of a website or any other source where this is explained in a simple and comprehensable way? The ingame encyclopedia doesn't really help... ;~~; Thank you very much!!

Hey there! Information about the Bakumatsu Period in Japan is, for whatever reason, comparatively hard to come by in English sources. It’s a little easier to find biographies on specific warriors, but even those are scattered. I can give you a super-basic rundown of the situation since I did an independent study on the time period, but the sources I had to use are neither simple nor easily accessible. If anyone else has recommendations for more professional sources, please feel free to reblog or comment with them!

Disclaimer: This is super-simplified and I’m not covering events that didn’t happen in the game. Also, it’s been over a year since I’ve done said independent study, so I may be a little rusty. I apologize in advance.

Basically, the situation around which the game is built is that as of 1853, the Western powers forced Japan to open itself to trade with other nations, causing a great deal of domestic unrest. Nobody in Japan was happy about this, but two factions arose with different ideas about how to deal with the situation. One side was comprised of the shogunate forces, loyal to the Tokugawa regime, who believed that the Tokugawa clan held supreme authority to govern Japan due to their victory in the Battle of Sekigahara in 1600. The other side was comprised of the imperialist forces, who were growing rapidly more impatient with the shogunate’s inability to expel the foreigners as promised, and believed that elevating the emperor to sole ruler of Japan would unite the people and expedite the process. The important thing to note here is that the emperor himself was pro-shogunate, so he had little to no control over those who wanted to give him more power.

Initially, imperialism was a widely shared sentiment, but lacked a real army to back it up (since the shogun was the military commander). However, the people’s unrest was growing quickly with every year the shogunate failed to rid the country of the foreigners. Wary of the situation in the imperial capital, Kyoto, the shogun raised the Roshigumi, the first-ever officially recognized group of warriors that didn’t have to be born into the samurai class in order to be allowed to fight, and sent them there to make sure that a.) the citizens were safe from the disillusioned ronin wandering the streets; and b.) the imperialist situation didn’t get out of hand, as both the shogun and the emperor were in agreement. After a series of complicated situations, covered in the events of Reimeiroku, the group became known as the Shinsengumi and remained in Kyoto to keep order as the shogun’s special police force.

Meanwhile, the Choshu domain—or Chōshū, but it’s simplified in the Hakuōki translation—as well as a few others took up force of arms in the name of the emperor, but without official recognition or even approval. This led to their adoption of violently unorthodox methods, such as kidnapping the emperor to force him to comply with their demands. This was what the Choshu were planning during the Ikeda Incident and later attempted to carry out during the Kinmon Incident (localized as the Hamaguri Rebellion). The shogunate forces quashed it, but the general unrest remained.

Following this, the shogunate branded the Choshu enemies of the state and ordered its domains to prepare for an expedition against them as punishment. However, the shogun did not personally lead the expedition, and morale had already begun to fail among the domains. The leaders of many domains did not see the point of pursuing the Choshu when they had already been routed, and perceived it as a waste of time, soldiers, and supplies. To make matters worse, several of the domains loyal to the shogunate were actually forced into subservience centuries ago, again due to the outcome of the Battle of Sekigahara. Among them were the Satsuma, who began sympathizing with the Choshu and ultimately allied with them, as revealed by Shiranui at Aburakōji (Aburano Koji).

But that only officially happened a few years later, so let’s back up a bit, to when Itou Kashitaro and his men joined the Shinsengumi. They did so partly to leech off the shogun’s protection, and partly to compromise their secondary function in Kyoto: suppressing the imperialist agenda. As imperialists, their ultimate aims differed from the Shinsengumi, but they were able to rally behind the common cause of protecting the people for a time. However, as tensions continued rising between the shogunate and imperialist forces, exacerbated by the deaths of both the shogun himself and the pro-shogunate emperor, the rift between the Shinsengumi and Itou’s faction grew wider. This was especially important because by that time, the Satsuma and Choshu were in accord and had insinuated themselves in the imperial court, naming the fifteen-year-old grandson of one of the Satsuma officials the new emperor. With a shift in power in their favor, Itou and his men no longer had any reason to cooperate with the Shinsengumi and founded the organization localized as the “Guardians of the Imperial Tomb”.

Some time later, the ronin Sakamoto Ryouma of the imperialist Tosa domain successfully convinced the newly named shogun to abdicate power willingly, and wrote up a plan for the transference of power. However, due to being perceived as the final blow to the failing shogunate, he was assassinated by members of the Mimawarigumi, another shogunate-affiliated group. Itou slandered Harada Sanosuke by insisting that he had been responsible, and that combined with his intention to kill Kondou led to the Shinsengumi’s decision to assassinate him at Aburakōji.

On a larger scale, tensions between the imperialists (who now held legitimate governmental power) and the shogunate forces (who were now disgraced) grew equally violent. This ultimately led to the Battle of Toba-Fushimi, which resulted in several domains formerly loyal to the Tokugawa defecting to the imperial side, and the shogunate army officially being condemned as traitors. Even the shogun had no interest in opposing the imperial court, despite the efforts of his army, and retreated to Edo rather than hole up in Osaka Castle. This is the main controversy of Chapter 4 [or Ch5 in KW], as the men of the Shinsengumi were prepared to fight to the death for the shogun in the Kyoto area but were then duty- and honor-bound to follow him to Edo instead.

(Incidentally, this also became a matter of war by proxy. Although everyone in Japan wanted the foreigners out, they elected to take advantage of their presence in their country to employ their strategies and technology. The English allied with the imperial army, while the French allied with the shogunate army, which is why the Shinsengumi later had access to Western wear and weaponry.)

As the war went on, similarly to the original situation in which the emperor had little control over the imperialists, the shogun lost any control over the pro-shogunate army. Hijikata’s initial attempts to persuade the higher-ups in the shogunate to grant the Shinsengumi more men and supplies failed, as so few of them had an interest in fighting, until finally Katsu Kaishū granted them the means to try and capture Koufu Castle. This may have been a ploy to get rid of the Shinsengumi by throwing them into an impossible battle, as the more they fought in the name of the shogunate, the longer the violence would persist. As the Shinsengumi continued northward to try and join the alliance of northern clans, and then to Ezo, it became more and more a matter of the imperial court fighting against those they had labeled traitors, regardless of the reason, until finally the last remnants of the formerly shogunate army were routed at the Battle of Hakodate. Kazama was right, as usual: it really was little more than a scramble for power, money, and reputation.

Hope I could help!! If you have any more specific questions, please feel free to ask me, though the same disclaimer will always apply.