#I'm totally not projecting here. not at all. do not read into this everything is fine.

[beetled-juice]

I know I've totally talked about this before, but I had something come up that reminded me of it tonight.

I'm thinking about beej freaking out and getting really upset when he learns that you had a near death experience before you two met. Like it's something you kind of flippantly mention offhand or even crack a joke about because to you it's something you've had time to sit with and begin to heal from, but to him it's like a slap in the face because oh my god slash satan he could have lost you before he even met you.

Struck by this realization, plus the reminder of just how fragile your life as a breather was, he just starts to spiral. He immediately drops into a purple, blue, and black color scheme, radiating cold and beginning to look more dead than usual. Having your back turned you didn't notice right away - you thought it was odd he hadn't said anything to continue the conversation, but it wasn't until the cold hits you that you realize something isn't right. Turning around you're met with a beetlejuice you've never seen before (and one you'd never like to see again), so weighed down by his sorrow and fear that he's nearly crumbling apart.

You cry out his name and reach for him, completely confused as to what's going on and why he's like this, but you're unable to get close because the cold is nearly burning you. He's staring at you with vacant eyes, trapped in his own head imagining all the worst-case scenarios of ways he could lose you, and it takes a few increasingly panicked cries of "Lawrence!" before he finally snaps back to reality.

He croaks out your name, and is finally able to regain control enough to return the room to a more normal temperature and his body to a slightly less decayed form. He collapses forward, pulling you into his arms and sinking to the floor to hold you as closely as possible before he just breaks down into heaving sobs and whispered pleas not to leave him.

He starts babbling about how he'll search the netherworld for all eternity for you if anything happens, and that he'd give anything to keep you safe here with him. All you can do is reassure him that you're okay and that you're not going anywhere, and you pull him to your chest so he can lay his ear over your heartbeat and use its steady sound to calm himself. After the sobs have subsided and he's mostly quiet aside from the occasional sniffle, he quietly asks you to tell him what happened. You hesitate, not wanting to upset him again, but after a whispered "please" (a word you've never heard him use before), you explain.

He grips you tighter, as if he can physically shield you from any harm as you tell your story, and when you're done you both sit in silence holding each other while he tries to break out of the spiral he'd fallen into. When he's finally as close to normal as he can be, you both do your best to go back to whatever it was you were doing before this. You notice, however, that he won't let you out of his sight, and he spends the next few days never further than arm's reach from your side.

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

[surftrips]

Maybe you could do single dad jj maybank he’s in college and has to do a project with the reader and has to bring the baby with them and they bond and start to hang out a lot then they start to date also maybe she’s a single mom I feel like that would be like a unique thing

thank you so much for this request! i hope you don't mind that i switched it up a bit (and got carried away lol) but reader is the single mom here and her and jj have known each other their whole lives :)

when you know, you know

pairing: jj maybank x reader

summary: y/n needs a babysitter and jj is the only person available.

word count: 3.5k

"Okay, I understand. Thanks, anyway," you sighed, running your hands through your hair and hanging up the phone. Your babysitter had just canceled on you, and the timing could not have been worse. 

You had been planning this night for months. Between your classes, a part-time job, and taking care of your 2-year-old Margo, it was nearly impossible to schedule anything. But you desperately needed a night out and your friend Emma had so kindly offered to set you up on a blind date. 

You scrolled through your contacts list, looking for anyone that was sober on a Friday night, a seemingly impossible task. Glancing at the time, you realized that you only had an hour left to find a babysitter and get ready. 

As panic set in, you received a text from the P4L groupchat. 

JJ: Wtw tonight?

Not now JJ, you thought. 

Y/N: Trying to find a babysitter, mine just canceled :/

Kie: Oh no, Y/N!! I'm so sorry :(

Cleo: Sorry babes, I totally wouldd but I already lost count of how many drnks I've had 2nite xxx

JJ: Wait, you guys went out already?

Sarah: JJ, we told you it's a girls night.

JJ: In that case, Y/N, I'll watch Margo! 

Absolutely not, was your first thought. JJ Maybank was probably the last person you wanted to take care of your child, he was practically one himself. 

Besides, since you had Margo, he was always acting weird around you. Before, you two would hang out all the time, but now he only saw you if there was another person there as a buffer. He hardly visited or called, but you were so preoccupied with raising a baby on your own that you hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. 

In the beginning, people assumed it was his baby you were pregnant with, but you never crossed that line because your friendship meant the world to each other. He was the first person you told when you found out you were going to be a mother, and you remember how excited he was for you. It was hard to believe how distant he had become, and you wondered why he had volunteered himself tonight. 

You assessed the situation: you hadn't gone out in nearly two years, and who knew when the next opportunity would be? You sighed, hardly believing the words you were about to type on your phone. 

Y/N: Ok. How soon can you be here? 

Y/N: You better be sober, JJ. 

You turned your phone off before the others could protest, knowing that half of them were drunk anyway. 

"Uncle JJ is going to come over and watch you tonight, okay? Mommy is going to be gone for just a few hours," you said to your daughter, picking her up and placing her in your eye line so you could do your makeup.

"Jay Jay?" she repeated. 

"Yes, honey," you smiled, trying to reassure her, or yourself. Out of all the pogues, Kiara and Sarah babysat Margo the most. She had probably only met JJ a handful of times and you worried about how well she would do with him alone. 

As if he could read your mind, your phone began ringing and you looked over to see his face on your screen.

"JJ, please don't tell me you're canceling too."

"What? Oh, no, it's not that. I was just wondering if you needed me to bring anything for Margo?" 

"Oh," you relaxed. "Hmmm, I think we have everything we need here. But thank you for asking, JJ."

"Of course," you could hear him smiling on the other line. "You know, thanks for letting me watch Margo. I've been meaning to visit her more." 

"JJ, you know you're weren't my first choice," you teased. "But yeah, of course. Thanks, I owe you." 

You hung up the phone, thoughts from earlier creeping back into your mind. You always assumed that the baby scared JJ away, but sometimes you couldn't help but wonder if there was something more going on. 

However, now was not the time for you to be thinking about this, considering that you now had 30 minutes left until your date showed up and you had yet to pick out a dress.

"Hmmmm, let's see. Any suggestions, Margo?" you asked your daughter, combing through your closet for something appropriate. You settled on a short black dress with a boat neck, and black knee high boots to go along with it. 

"What do we think, sweetie?" you smiled at Margo.

"Pretty!" she clapped her small hands together. 

"Why, thank you, baby. Come on, let's go see if Uncle JJ is here yet," you picked her up and checked your phone for any notifications. 

Blind Date: Be there in 5! :)

Crap, you thought. Where is JJ? 

You shot back a confirmation for your date and looked out the window for any sign of JJ. You weren't sure if he was biking over or he had borrowed the Twinkie, but there was no sign of anyone outside. 

Growing anxious, you gathered Margo's favorite toys and books into the living room and tidied up your apartment to pass the time. 

Exactly 5 minutes later, the doorbell rang. You smoothed down your dress and checked your hair in the mirror one last time. Putting on your best smile, you went to open the door. 

"Hi–" you started. "Oh, it's you." 

"Come on, that's what I get for dropping everything and saving your ass?" JJ responded. 

"Sorry, weren't you the one with no plans on a Friday?" 

"You know, I can just turn around right now-" 

"Stop!" you pleaded. "Okay, sorry, I've been anxious about this all day and I just want to get back to Margo as fast as I can." 

"Relax, Y/N. I'm here now," he took in your appearance. "You look great, by the way." 

The last time he saw you remotely dressed up like this was prom night. 

You couldn't help but blush, looking around for Margo to hide your face. "Margo, look who it is!" 

"Jay Jay!" she babbled. 

"Oh my god, she knows my name!" JJ replied, looking a little perplexed. 

"You know what, I'm surprised too considering she's only met you, like, four times," you said. 

"Alright, you're no fun," he looked at you as you traded your daughter over to his arms. "Miss Margo and I here are going to have the time of our lives. Aren't we?" 

He tickled her, causing her to giggle. She seemed so comfortable in his arms, you wondered why you were ever worried in the first place. 

"Thanks again for doing this, I know we haven't talked in a while-" you started. 

"So, where's the lucky guy?" he interrupted you. 

"Uhh," you looked over at the clock. "He said he would be here by now." 

"Late to the first date? That's a red flag, Y/N." 

"As if you're not a walking red flag, JJ. What did you get here on? Your bike?"

"Hey! I refurbished that bike all on my own! It takes a lot of skill to do that."

Just then, the doorbell rang. You rushed to open the door, a smile plastered on your face again. 

"Hey! You must be Emma's friend! I'm Tom." he greeted you with a hug and a bouquet of flowers. "I'm sorry for being late, I went to get these flowers for you and was distracted by the girl scouts selling cookies outside. I had to support them, you know?" 

"Oh, no worries! Yes, how can you say no to them?" you laughed softly. You took the flowers from him and went to place them on the table closest to you, beckoning him to come in.

"Tom, this is one of my friends, JJ. He's babysitting my daughter, Margo, while we're gone," you said.

"Ah! What a pleasure," Tom went over to shake JJ's hand and politely wave at your daughter. "I promise not to keep your mom out too late tonight." 

"That's right, need her back before midnight," JJ remarked.

You playfully pushed him in response, grabbing your keys. "Alright, you have my number so please call me if you need anything. Bye Margo, mommy loves you!" 

With that, you and Tom headed outside and into his car. 

On the drive over to the restaurant, you learned that Tom was a psychologist, he liked to cook, and reality TV shows were his guilty pleasure. At the restaurant, which was a higher-end place near the water, he pulled out your chair for you. 

"I hope this place is okay, I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked so I thought somewhere nicer would be safe," he said. 

"Oh, this is perfect. Don't even worry about it," you smiled. "I haven't had a proper night out in so long, I wouldn't have minded if you took me to a burger joint." 

He laughed, "Margo is adorable, by the way. How old is she?"

"She's 2," you said. Then, feeling the need to clarify, "I had her when I was 20, at the beginning of my junior year in college."

"I see, how was that? How did you manage classes?" You were surprised at his demeanor, half-expecting him to judge you or run in the opposite direction any second now, but his inquisition was genuine.

"Well, I could still go to classes during the first trimester, but it got more difficult after that so I took a leave of absence. I'm taking night classes now because I work in the mornings." 

"Oh nice, what degree are you going for?"

"English, I want to be a teacher," you explained.

"My mom was a teacher," he smiled. "What age do you want to teach?"

"Oh no way! I want to teach elementary school kids. Everyone always tells me how hard it will be, but raising Margo... I don't love anything more than that." 

"That's really sweet, are you close with your family?"

You paused, trying to figure out how to answer the question. "Depends on who you consider my family, I guess," you laughed awkwardly. "I'm not close with my parents, but my friends? Those are the most important people in my life." 

He smiled, "I understand. I'm glad you have a support system, being a single mother can be hard." 

"Yeah, I'm super grateful. Actually, my babysitter for tonight canceled last-minute and JJ came to the rescue. I don't know what I would've done without him." 

Tom's smile faltered for an unnoticeable second. "How long have you known him for?"

"JJ? My whole life, probably. I can't imagine a time when he wasn't by my side. He was there for me throughout my entire pregnancy, but after..." you trailed off.

"After...?"

"Afterwards," you hesitated, not wanting to bad-mouth your friend. "I guess he started to distance himself more, I think Margo scared him away honestly."

"You think it was Margo and nothing else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean," he sighed. "Do you think there could be any other reason why he would be so supportive of you before and not after you had Margo?" 

"I-I'm not sure. I haven't had much time to think about it, I guess."

"You want my opinion?" Tom asked. You searched his face for any sign of spitefulness, but came up empty. 

"I saw the way he looked at you and Margo, earlier. That boy is not scared of either of you. In fact, all I saw was love. Did you ever think he’s grappling with those feelings?” 

"His feelings? For me?" It was not the first time you thought about it, but it was the first time you heard it verbalized. 

"Yes, I know I sound crazy, but seriously, Y/N, what other reason could there be to explain his behavior?"

You racked your brain for all the possible explanations. Tom had a point, if JJ had feelings for you at some point in your friendship, or still does, he might feel the need to distance himself to protect you. 

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"I told you, I'm a psychologist. I notice these things," he smiled.

"Is this how all of your first dates go?" you laughed.

"Not all of them, but I’ll admit, a few are like this. But tell me, am I wrong to assume there was something more going on between you two before you got pregnant?"

You sighed, "No, you're not wrong. Our feelings for each other were a truth that neither of us wanted to confront. We were young, we didn't want to be tied down, it was college. But he was always there, by my side, through everything. Of course, I loved him." 

"Well, there you go. There's your answer." 

Tom dropped you off around midnight. You assured him that there was no need to walk you to your door, you both knew that you needed to have a conversation with JJ.

"Thank you again for tonight, we seriously need to meet up again," you said, before shutting your door.

"Absolutely, I'll give you the address to my office," he joked.

You turned the key into your door as quietly as possible, in case JJ was also asleep with Margo. Inside, the lights were off and you pulled out your phone flashlight to search for him. 

You went into Margo's room first, seeing that she was fast asleep in her crib. "Hi baby," you whispered. "Where's Uncle JJ?" 

After making sure she was tucked in properly, you turned to go into your bedroom. Sure enough, there was JJ, fast asleep in your bed. 

You couldn't help but smile, recalling memories from high school when you two would have sleepovers. Being sure to keep quiet, you changed into your pajamas and got ready for bed.

Trying your best to not wake up JJ, you pulled open the blanket on your side of the bed and slipped in next to him. 

"Goodnight, JJ," you whispered. 

—

In the morning, you woke up to the smell of pancakes in the kitchen. For a second, you weren't sure you were even in your apartment, remembering that you live alone with Margo and surely, you weren't asleep long enough for her to know her way around the kitchen.

But then you remembered that JJ was babysitting last night and had fallen asleep in your bed before you got home. 

After a long stretch, you got up and went into the kitchen.

"There she is, good morning pretty," JJ smiled at you. 

"Morning... When did you learn how to cook?" you questioned.

"What do you mean? I've always known how to make pancakes."

"Okay, that is just a straight up lie. In high school you would have chips for breakfast."

JJ put his hand to his chest, taking mock offense. "If you must know, I started teaching myself how to cook last year when I moved off-campus." 

"Wow, I must say, I am impressed, Mr. Maybank."

"Please, that's my father. You can call me JJ," he said, causing you both to laugh. 

Were his eyes always this blue? You thought, as you admired his features in the morning light. 

After a moment, you broke the silence. "Uh- I better go check on Margo. How was she last night, by the way?"

"Oh, amazing. Best kid ever." 

"Really? She didn't give you a hard time at all?"

"Nope, must have remembered me from when she was in the womb."

You smiled, turning around to your daughter's room.

Sure enough, Margo was sleeping like the baby she was. You checked the clock, she wouldn't be up for at least another hour.

"Margo's still in one piece?" JJ asked when you reentered the kitchen.

"Yes, somehow,” you mused. 

"Good, want to try these pancakes now?"

"Yes, please, I'm starving," you sat down across from JJ.

"Starving? Your date didn't feed you last night?"

"Very funny, if you want to know about my date, you can just ask." 

"Okay, how was your date?" he relented. 

"He's a psychologist." 

"Cool, anything else?" JJ looked slightly confused. 

"He was very normal and nice," you added.

“I would hope so.”

“Yes, and he likes to cook too.”

“That’s great, how was the date itself?”

“Oh the date itself…” you trailed off. 

"Y/N, why are you acting weird?"

"Weird? Me? I'm just telling you about my date." 

"You're talking about him like he's your therapist."

"Well, in a way, it was like a therapy session."

"So the date went bad?"

"No, it was really nice." 

JJ looked around the kitchen, "Did I accidentally put something in the pancake batter to make you act like this or...?" 

"These are great, by the way," you said, pointing to the pancakes with your fork.

"Thanks, but can we get back to the date?" 

"Oh, yeah, well, basically," you started. 

"Y/N." JJ was rarely ever serious, but he was starting to look concerned with you. 

"Okay, fine. It started off really well, we got to know each other. Then, he was asking about Margo and my family, and I told him about my parents, you know. Then he asked about you, and I told him I've known you forever, but after Margo, you started distancing yourself and we haven't seen or talked to each other in a while, and then-" you rambled. 

"Then what?"

"And then, he told me, or rather he made me realize, that maybe we need to address the feelings we may or may not have had for each other before I got pregnant," you finished in a rush.

JJ was silent, you weren't sure if the expression on his face was scared or bemused. 

"JJ, please say something." 

"Was that all?"

"More or less."

He sighed, "Y/N, I think one of the reasons why our friendship worked so well was because we both knew that at any moment, we could pursue something more, but we didn't. We both knew that doing that would ruin our friendship, something we've had for nearly twenty years. I thought college was going to be four years of partying and distractions, but instead, I had to face reality”

“Distractions?”

“Everyone that wasn’t you was a distraction, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“Uh, no. It wasn't, actually. JJ, you kept telling me you were trying to meet ‘the one!’” 

“Well, I was lying! Okay? You were always the one for me. I just didn’t feel like I was the one for you. So I was stupid and I decided we would be better off as friends, but when you got pregnant…” 

“When I got pregnant…?”

“When you told me about Margo, I panicked. I knew you were strong enough to do this on your own, but you shouldn’t have had to. I told myself that I was going to be there for you every step of the way, and I was, until you gave birth. I saw Margo for the first time, and I-I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Do what, JJ? You know I never needed you to be her father.” 

“I know, I know. I saw her and I couldn’t imagine hurting her. I didn’t want her to know me, because to know me is to be disappointed by me,” he sighed.

“JJ,” you stood up now to wrap your arms around him. “Are you kidding me? I was never, never disappointed by you. I was just worried, babe, that’s all. You stopped talking to me after that.” 

JJ allowed himself to fall into your arms. “I’m sorry, it just felt like too much at the time. I loved- love you and Margo so much, that I didn’t know what to do with all of it. So I thought it was best to give you some space, until I was better.”

You chuckled, “Is that why you taught yourself how to cook?”

“Stop, I was actually starving and had no choice.”

“And are you better now?”

“When I heard you were going on a date, do you want to know what I thought?”

“What?”

“I thought, I let her go again. I let you go a million times in college, and here I am, letting you go again.” 

When you didn’t say anything, he continued, “You’re the one for me, Y/N. I came over here tonight to show you that. I’m ready for whatever this is going to be, whatever this friendship evolves into. I spent too much time denying the truth, and I think you have too.” 

There were not enough words to describe how you were feeling, so you leaned in to kiss your best friend. JJ held your face with such gentleness, you wondered if this was all in your imagination. 

Eventually, you pulled away. “I’m done lying, to myself and to each other. This is real, yes?” you asked.

“Yes, I love you, really.”

“I love you too, Maybank.” 

You leaned in for a second time, but not before you heard the familiar cries of Margo in the other room. 

“Don’t worry, I got it,” he smiled with that boyish grin of his that you loved so much. That you have always loved. 

[punkitt-is-here]

Read These Frequently Asked Questions Before You Send An Ask!

Patreon | Ko-Fi | Youtube

Heyo! I get a TON of asks each day, so I'm making this post so that folks know what's already been asked so my followers don't have to see the same stuff over and over, haha.

Hi! I'm Punkitt! I'm a game developer, artist, editor, director, and a bunch of other stuff! I'm working on an RPG called Astral Guard, a platformer called Susan Taxpayer, and I have a couple more fun projects in my pocket like Happup and Super Mario Death Row.

Did you know you look like weird al?

YES jesus fucking christ i get told this every day. if u send me a message in my inbox saying i look like weird al im killing you with like wizard spells and shit.

Why do you have so many hats? Do you know you have that many hats?

ye i like hats. :) free tumblr badges for one pea i like one piece and took as many as i could. free.

Where can I find your art/game development/horsecomix?

Great question! Everything I make that's my own and not a reblog is under "my posts", every bit of art I do is under "my art", any game development I do is under "gamedev", you can find all my MLP art under "mlp, my art" or "horsecomix" for the best stuff. I also have an "animations" tag and a "shitposts" tab. I also properly tag all my asks to be asks and write out the asker's name, so if you don't wanna see those just mute the ask tag.

Do you have a Patreon or a Ko-Fi?

I do have a ko-fi here! I also JUST launched a Patreon, which you can find here :)

What do you use for your art?

I use FireAlpaca and Paint.net for misc. effects!

What are you using to make your games?

I use FireAlpaca do make my assets! Astral Guard, Happup, and any other top-down RPG games I make are all made in RPGMaker 2003. Susan Taxpayer is made in SMBX2 Beta 4, a Mario fangame engine with lua support!

Why are you using a 2-decade-plus engine to make games?

It's fun!

Do you have a sideblog or something for your art?

Not right now! What you see is what you get. I do have a sideblog for Astral Guard though, if you want to follow that game specifically! @astral-guard

Can I make an OC based on your work? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! THATS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!! LET ME KNOW IF YOU DO!!!! I WANNA SEE!!!!

Can I do dubs/redraws of your comics? As long as you credit me! I get a ton of notifs each day, so if you wanna show me (and PLEASE i so do wanna see fun dubs and redraws!!!) tag me or DM me!

Can I use your art as a PFP? Sure! Just credit me somewhere. :D

Are you the one who trapped her coworkers in a room and made them listen to TF2 lore?

Yep! Everyone had a blast actually. :]

Did you make that comic where Fluttershy eats the weed brownie/Rainbow Dash has a male living space/someone has a cutie mark that says they'll kill Ronald Reagan?

Yep! That's me.

Where are you in MLP right now?

Currently just finished Season 7! Haven't watched the movie yet.

Have you watched Equestria Girls?

Yep! Thought it was super cute. I watched up to Rainbow Rocks and plan on watching more.

What's your opinion on MLP so far?

I love it! I think it's cute. I really don't agree that there was some sort of huge quality drop after season 2 or whatever.

What do you think of G5?

Not my style! I don't really like either animation types and it just seems like I'm not in the audience anymore. That's totally chill, but it just doesn't grab me!

Have you watched any other MLP stuff from previous generations?

Nope! But I did see a compilation called Minty Being Autistic for Six Minutes Straight that I loved. she's perfect.

Favorite pony?

Don't got one, I love all the Mane Six a LOT, but I'm particularly fond of Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity!

Favorite episode/season?

I'm so bad at picking favorites! But any season past Season 1 I have a blast with because I feel like it's just more my style. I don't have a favorite episode, but the most recent one I can remember LOVING is the one where Starlight bottles up her emotions because it was REALLY funny.

Do you like Pony.mov?

Nope! And stop saying my stuff reminds you of it, it's a lil annoying!

Have you watched the Mentally Advanced Series/Friendship is Witchcraft/Other fandom vids?

Probably not! My interaction with the MLP fandom prior to last year was pretty minimal, so I'm making my way through the show first!

What do you think of Fallout: Equestria?

I think it's super weird but really fun because of that. I've never properly read any of it but it's very fascinating to me.

Are you transgender?

Yep! I go by she/her, I'm a trans woman. Have been for many years, but I only recently came out online!

Are you a lesbian?

Nah, I'm bisexual!

Can I commission you?

Yeah! I only have my commissions available on my Ko-Fi at certain times though, so keep an eye out! I usually announce slots being open at least 12 hours beforehand. Slots are usually first come first serve, but we'll see.

Can I use your art as a Discord emote?

Yeah man i'm not scouring every discord on the planet to find stickers of my work. i think it owns if people take my stuff and make it stupid injoke emotes between friends that makes me very happy.

Can I send you an ask inquiring about gender dysphoria?

I feel like this is beyond my capabilities of advice! I'm actually very comfortable with my body and I have been for many years, so I don't know if I can give any good or helpful advice on that front. Apologies, but there are many resources out there where you can ask about those things if you look for them, like Discord channels!

Favorite Color?

I'm a sucker for blue!

Favorite coffee?

Can't drink coffee, my stomach is cringe.

Favorite tea?

I'm lame and can't drink most tea but I love this one orange-flavored tea a lot. I also LOVE ice tea.

Can I say you're horsegender/punkittgender/a little gender goblin void thing?

Well, I can't stop you, but I'm kind of beyond that phase now! I really am a boring ol' plain she/her girl, and I like it that way. It's not much, but it's honest gender.

What's your favorite game series?

Mother, Kingdom Hearts, Mario, and I USED to say Fallout, but I found out I'm really only a big Fallout New Vegas fan.

Favorite game from those?

Mother 3 is one of my fave games of all time! I love KHII, and I'm tied for SMB3 and SMW. Also Fallout New Vegas fucks hard.

Any other favs?

Bug Fables, SLARPG, and TF2!

Favorite Movie?

Everything Everywhere All At Once, no question.

Oh, are you going to college?

Yep! I'm a film/theater major.

Do you have a YouTube channel?

Yeah! Click right here for it, I stream there and upload footage of my games/animations/my film projects + other stuff.

What is that little orange creature I see?

That's bweenop, my little persona that I use when I'm feeling a little scrunkly.

Do you have a ponysona?

Yep! Her name is Star Magnolia, you can search her on the blog to see art of her.

When will Susan Taxpayer/Astral Guard/etc. be out?

No clue! I take things slow, that's just how I am.

How do you work on so many things at once?

I make small, satisfying amounts of progress! I never try to complete one giant thing all at once, I just like doing small bursts of fun stuff. I got ADHD, so I learn to work with it.

Did you know you look like Weird Al?

Im going to run you over with a clown car watch out

WHY do you work on so many things at once?

Fun! I like learning, I like making cool stuff, and I like showing it to people :)

Do you need any help with your projects?

Potentially! I'll probably put out a post asking for help if I need it.

If you could be a horse, would you?

You kidding me? Several ton beasts with the frailty of a sickly Victorian boy; my clumsy ass would never survive.

Are you some sort of...furry?

yeag

Why do you reblog so much?

Brother I LOVE posting. that's just how it is.

Fav music artists?

It changes literally ALL the time but I will recommend ANYTHING by Vylet Pony, its music is incredible and probably the reason I'm a weird niche microcelebrity now.

Why are you like this?

theater kid + having a lot of fun on the internet makes you a bit silly hehe hoo

SUSAN TAXPAYER QUESTIONS

Is it out? Not yet! But hopefully sometime in the next year. I dunno! I take things at my own pace and keep stuff fun. :)

What are you using to make it? SMBX2! It's a free fangame engine for Mario episodes, but it's incredibly versatile and has a wonderful community, so I decided to make Susan Taxpayer in it.

Is there a demo? You betcha! You can find it right here. I'll also probably put it up on my itch.io.

How do I install it? I made a post here about how to run the SAGE '23 demo!

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay now that I've reblogged that one post...

Holy shit

Like, please understand me. This is how I already interpreted these relationships after reading Journal 3 but like

Wow Ford really was in a weird kinda complicated gay situationship with Bill and Fiddleford, huh? When he's all alone on Christmas in tbob he's all like "Oh yeah haha of course...of course. You have. Yeah. You have a wife, F. How could I expect you not to leave. I am totally not secretly hoping you'll turn around and come back to me, or that you'll even bring your family back here if you have to so I can see you. I'd retreat to my dreams but I haven't seen my muse in weeks and I miss him so badly. I'm so alone"

He and Fiddleford aren't even dating but it's hard not to get the light impression that this situationship is such that Ford kinda treats Bill like his comfort triangle from his head and dreams and Fiddleford like his comfort best friend in his lab. Like he's sad on Christmas that his boyfriends left him alone, you know? Of course it's definitely more complicated than just that, but they are dear companions to him

Or when Bill finally comes back and Ford is pissed

"You return now? After all of that, after me missing you so badly, almost dying, wondering if I'd dreamed it all up. You return now like it was no biggie? Did you ever mean the things you said? Did you not find some other scientist or some other big brain to talk up? Have you found someone else? Another partner?"

And then Bill, dodging the question was like "Funny you think I'm cheating on you as if you haven't been spending all that time with F. The side bitch. The third wheel. You've even considered telling him everything, even though you know he has second thoughts. Heh. A little birdie told me he dreams of shutting down the project even."

Leading Ford to be like "Aw hell how could I accuse my muse of such a terrible thing when I haven't been a saint. He's right! F has been much less motivated lately and I've just gotten so paranoid from the isolation. I'm so sorry for my baseless accusations."

I don't even have a lot to say I just love these three. Fiddleford put up with a lot of shit from Ford while also dealing with his own problems and trying to help him regardless, while Stanford saw him as a comfort and a good friend but ultimately someone who was of lesser mind than he and couldn't see things through his eyes, while Bill was in Stanford's corner actively making him worse and contributing to his isolation (trying to get him to drop Fiddleford and actively feeding his paranoia), while Stanford was seeing both relationships of his with stars in his eyes and rose tinted glasses because he refused to do some introspection

There's so much stuff that journal 3 and tbob added to the equation that's just bad/shitty all around. Can't believe Ford went through a double divorce/breakup despite not having ever been married (or, at least, despite not even officially dating them sorta)

The entire situation in the past is just tragic and hilarious and concerning all at once and that's what I like the portal trio for tbh

[secretgamergirl]

How a Computer Works - Part 1 (Components)

I am about to teach you on a real fundamental, connecting up electronic components level, how a computer actually works. Before I get into the meat of this though (you can just skip down below the fold if you don't care), here's the reasons I'm sitting doing so in this format:

Like a decade or two ago, companies Facebook pushed this whole "pivot to video" idea on the whole internet with some completely faked data, convincing everyone that everything had to be a video, and we need to start pushing back against that. Especially for stuff like complex explanations of things or instructions, it's much more efficient to just explain things clearly in text, maybe with some visual aids, so people can easily search, scan, and skip around between sections. It's also a hell of a lot easier to host things long term, and you can even print out a text based explainer and not need a computer to read it, keep it on a desk, highlight it, etc.

People are so clueless about how computers actually work that they start really thinking like it's all magical. Even programmers. Aside from how proper knowledge lets you get more out of them, this leads to people spouting off total nonsense about "teaching sand to think" or "everything is just 1s and 0s" or "this 'AI' a con artist who was trying to sell me NFTs a month ago probably really is an amazing creative thinking machine that can do everything he says!"

We used to have this cultural value going where it was expected that if you owned something and used it day to day, you'd have enough basic knowledge of how it worked that if it stopped working you could open it up, see what was wrong, and maybe fix it on your own, or maybe even put one together again from scratch, and that's obviously worth bringing back.

I'm personally working on a totally bonkers DIY project and I'd like to hype up like-minded people for when it gets farther along.

So all that said, have a standard reminder that I am completely reliant on Patreon donations to survive, keep updating this blog, and ideally start getting some PCBs and chips and a nice oscilloscope to get that mystery project off the ground.

Electricity probably doesn't work like how you were taught (and my explanation shouldn't be trusted too far either).

I remember, growing up, hearing all sorts of things about electricity having this sort of magical ability to always find the shortest possible path to where it needs to get, flowing like water, and a bunch of other things that are kind of useful for explaining how a Faraday cage or a lightning rod works, and not conflicting with how simple electronics will have a battery and then a single line of wire going through like a switch and a light bulb or whatever back to the other end of the battery.

If you had this idea drilled into your head hard enough, you might end up thinking that if we have a wire hooked to the negative end of a battery stretching off to the east, and another wire stretching off to the east from the positive end, and we bridge between the two in several places with an LED or something soldered to both ends, only the westernmost one is going to light up, because hey, the shortest path is the one that turns off as quickly as possible to connect to the other side, right? Well turns out no, all three are going to light up, because that "shortest path" thing is a total misunderstanding.

Here's how it actually works, roughly. If you took basic high school chemistry, you learned about how the periodic table is set up, right? A given atom, normally, has whatever number of protons in the core, and the same number of electrons, whipping all over around it, being attracted to those protons but repelled by each other, and there's particular counts of electrons which are super chill with that arrangement so we put those elements in the same column as each other, and then as you count up from those, you get the elements between those either have some electrons that don't fit all tight packed in the tight orbit and just kinda hang out all wide and lonely and "want to" buddy up with another atom that has more room, up to the half full column that can kinda go either way, then as we approach the next happy number they "want to" have a little more company to get right to that cozy tight packed number, and when you have "extra" electrons and "missing" electrons other atoms kinda cozy up and share so they hit those good noble gas counts.

I'm sure real experts want to scream at me for both that and this, but this is basically how electricity works. You have a big pile of something at the "positive" end that's "missing electrons" (for the above reason or maybe actually ionized so they really aren't there), and a "negative" end that's got spares. Then you make wires out of stuff from those middle of the road elements that have awkward electron counts and don't mind buddying up (and also high melting points and some other handy qualities) and you hook those in there. And the electron clouds on all the atoms in the wire get kinda pulled towards the positive side because there's more room over there, but if they full on leave their nucleus needs more electron pals, so yeah neighbors get pulled over, and the whole wire connected to the positive bit ends up with a positive charge to it, and the whole wire on the negative bit is negatively charged, and so yeah, anywhere you bridge the gap between the two, the electrons are pretty stoked about balancing out these two big awkward compromises and they'll start conga lining over to balance things out, and while they're at it they'll light up lights or shake speakers or spin motors or activate electromagnets or whatever other rad things you've worked out how to make happen with a live electric current.

Insulators, Resistors, Waves, and Capacitors

Oh and we typically surround these wires made of things that are super happy about sharing electrons around with materials that are very much "I'm good, thanks," but this isn't an all or nothing system and there's stuff you can connect between the positive and negative ends of things that still pass the current along, but only so much so fast. We use those to make resistors, and those are handy because sometimes you don't want to put all the juice you have through something because it would damage it, and having a resistor anywhere along a path you're putting current through puts a cap on that flow, and also sometimes you might want a wire connected to positive or negative with a really strong resistor so it'll have SOME sort of default charge, but if we get a free(r) flowing connection attached to that wire somewhere else that opens sometimes, screw that little trickle going one way, we're leaning everyone the other way for now.

The other thing with electricity is is that the flow here isn't a basic yes/no thing. How enthusiastically those electrons are getting pulled depends on the difference in charge at the positive and negative ends, and also if you're running super long wires then even if they conduct real good, having all that space to spread along is going to kinda slow things to a trickle, AND the whole thing is kinda going to have some inherent bounciness to it both because we're dealing with electrons whipping and spinning all over and because, since it's a property that's actually useful for a lot of things we do with electricity, the power coming out of the wall has this intentional wobbly nature because we've actually got this ridiculous spinny thing going on that's constantly flip flopping which prong of the socket is positive and which is negative and point is we get these sine waves of strength by default, and they kinda flop over if we're going really far.

Of course there's also a lot of times when you really want to not have your current flow flickering on and off all the time, but hey fortunately one of the first neat little electronic components we ever worked out are capacitors... and look, I'm going to be straight with you. I don't really get capacitors, but the basic idea is you've got two wires that go to big wide plates, and between those you have something that doesn't conduct the electricity normally, but they're so close the electromagnetic fields are like vibing, and then if you disconnect them from the flow they were almost conducting and/or they get charged to their limit, they just can't deal with being so charged up and they'll bridge their own gap and let it out. So basically you give them electricity to hold onto for a bit then pass along, and various sizes of them are super handy if you want to have a delay between throwing a switch and having things start doing their thing, or keeping stuff going after you break a connection, or you make a little branching path where one branch connects all regular and the other goes through a capacitor, and the electricity which is coming in in little pulses effectively comes out as a relatively steady stream because every time it'd cut out the capacity lets its charge go.

We don't just have switches, we have potentiometers.

OK, so... all of the above is just sort of about having a current and maybe worrying about how strong it is, but other than explaining how you can just kinda have main power rails running all over, and just hook stuff across them all willy-nilly rather than being forced to put everything in one big line, but still, all you can do with that is turn the whole thing on and off by breaking the circuit. Incidentally, switches, buttons, keys, and anything else you use to control the behavior of any electronic device really are just physically touching loose wires together or pulling them apart... well wait no, not all, this is a good bit to know.

None of this is actually pass/fail, really, there's wave amplitudes and how big a difference we have between the all. So when you have like, a volume knob, that's a potentiometer, which is a simple little thing where you've got your wire, it's going through a resistor, and then we have another wire we're scraping back and forth along the resistor, using a knob, usually, and the idea is the current only has to go through X percent of the resistor to get to the wire you're moving, which proportionately reduces the resistance. So you have like a 20 volt current, you've got a resistor that'll drop that down to 5 or so, but then you move this other wire down along and you've got this whole dynamic range and you can fine tune it to 15 or 10 or whatever coming down that wire. And what's nice about this again, what's actually coming down the wire is this wobbily wave of current, it's not really just "on" or "off, and as you add resistance, the wobble stays the same, it's just the peaks and valleys get closer to being just flat. Which is great if you're making, say, a knob to control volume, or brightness, or anything you want variable intensity in really.

Hey hey, it's a relay!

Again, a lot of the earliest stuff people did with electronics was really dependent on that analog wobbly waveform angle. Particularly for reproducing sound, and particularly the signals of a telegraph. Those had to travel down wires for absurd distances, and as previously stated, when you do that the signal is going to eventually decay to nothing. But then someone came up with this really basic idea where every so often along those super long wires, you set something up that takes the old signal and uses it to start a new one. They called them relays, because you know, it's like a relay race.

If you know how an electromagnet works (something about the field generated when you coil a bunch of copper wire around an iron core and run an electric current through it), a relay is super simple. You've got an electromagnet in the first circuit you're running, presumably right by where it's going to hit the big charged endpoint, and that magnetically pulls a tab of metal that's acting as a switch on a new circuit. As long as you've got enough juice left to activate the magnet, you slam that switch and voom you've got all the voltage you can generate on the new line.

Relays don't get used too much in other stuff, being unpopular at the time for not being all analog and wobbily (slamming that switch back and forth IS going to be a very binary on or off sorta thing), and they make this loud clacking noise that's actually just super cool to hear in devices that do use them (pinball machines are one of the main surviving use cases I believe) but could be annoying in some cases. What's also neat is that they're a logical AND gate. That is, if you have current flowing into the magnet, AND you have current flowing into the new wire up to the switch, you have it flowing out through the far side of the switch, but if either of those isn't true, nothing happens. Logic gates, to get ahead of myself a bit, are kinda the whole thing with computers, but we still need the rest of them. So for these purposes, relays re only neat if it's the most power and space efficient AND gate you have access to.

Oh and come to think of it, there's no reason we need to have that magnet closing the circuit when it's doing its thing. We could have it closed by default and yank it open by the magnet. Hey, now we're inverting whatever we're getting on the first wire! Neat!

Relay computers clack too loud! Gimme vacuum tubes!

So... let's take a look at the other main thing people used electricity for before coming up with the whole computer thing, our old friend the light bulb! Now I already touched a bit on the whole wacky alternating current thing, and I think this is actually one of the cases that eventually lead to it being adopted so widely, but the earliest light bulbs tended to just use normal direct current, where again, you've got the positive end and the negative end, and we just take a little filament of whatever we have handy that glows when you run enough of a current through it, and we put that in a big glass bulb and pump out all the air we can, because if we don't, the oxygen in there is probably going to change that from glowing a bit to straight up catching on fire and burning immediately.

But, we have a new weird little problem, because of the physics behind that glowing. Making something hot, on a molecular level, is just kinda adding energy to the system so everything jitters around more violently, and if you get something hot enough that it glows, you're getting it all twitchy enough for tinier particles to just fly the hell off it. Specifically photons, that's the light bit, but also hey, remember, electrons are just kinda free moving and whipping all over looking for their naked proton pals... and hey, inside this big glass bulb, we've got that other end of the wire with the more positive charge to it. Why bother wandering up this whole coily filament when we're in a vacuum and there's nothing to get in the way if we just leap straight over that gap? So... they do that, and they're coming in fast and on elliptical approaches and all, so a bunch of electrons overshoot and smack into the glass on the far side, and now one side of every light bulb is getting all gross and burnt from that and turning all brown and we can't have that.

So again, part of the fix is we switched to alternating current so it's at least splitting those wild jumps up to either side, but before that, someone tried to solve this by just... kinda putting a backboard in there. Stick a big metal plate on the end of another wire in the bulb connected to a positive charge, and now OK, all those maverick electrons smack into here and aren't messing up the glass, but also hey, this is a neat little thing. Those electrons are making that hop because they're all hot and bothered. If we're not heating up the plate they're jumping to, and there's no real reason we'd want to, then if we had a negative signal over on that side... nothing would happen. Electrons aren't getting all antsy and jumping back.

So now we have a diode! The name comes because we have two (di-) electrodes (-ode) we care about in the bulb (we're just kind of ignoring the negative one), and it's a one way street for our circuit. That's useful for a lot of stuff, like not having electricity flow backwards through complex systems and mess things up, converting AC to DC (when it flips, current won't flow through the diode so we lop off the bottom of the wave, and hey, we can do that thing with capacitors to release their current during those cutoffs, and if we're clever we can get a pretty steady high).

More electrodes! More electrodes!

So a bit after someone worked out this whole vacuum tube diode thing, someone went hey, what if it was a triode? So, let's stick another electrode in there, and this one just kinda curves around in the middle, just kinda making a grate or a mesh grid, between our hot always flowing filament and that catch plate we're keeping positively charged when it's doing stuff. Well this works in a neat way. If there's a negative charge on it, it's going to be pushing back on those electrons jumping over, and if there's a positive charge on it, it's going to help pull those electrons over (it's all thin, so they're going to shoot right past it, especially if there's way more of a positive charge over on the plate... and here's the super cool part- This is an analog thing. If we have a relatively big negative charge, it's going to repel everything, if it's a relatively big positive, it's going to pull a ton across, if it's right in the middle, it's like it wasn't even in there, and you can have tiny charges for all the gradients in between.

We don't need a huge charge for any of this though, because we're just helping or hindering the big jump from the high voltage stuff, and huh, weren't we doing this whole weak current controlling a strong current thing before with the relay? We were! And this is doing the same thing! Except now we're doing it all analog style, not slapping switch with a magnet, and we can make those wavy currents peak higher or lower and cool, now we can have phone lines boost over long distances too, and make volume knobs, and all that good stuff.

The relay version of this had that cool trick though where you could flip the output. Can we still flip the output? We sure can, we just need some other toys in the mix. See we keep talking about positive charges and negative charges at the ends of our circuits, but these are relative things. I mentioned way back when how you can use resistors to throttle how much of a current we've got, so you can run two wires to that grid in the triode. One connects to a negative charge and the other positive, with resistors on both those lines, and a switch that can break the connection on the positive end. If the positive is disconnected, we've got a negative charge on the grid, since it's all we've got, but if we connect it, and the resistor to the negative end really limits flow, we're positive in the section the grid's in. And over on the side with the collecting plate, we branch off with another resistor setup so the negative charge on that side is normally the only viable connection for a positive, but when we flip the grid to positive, we're jumping across the gap in the vacuum tube, and that's a big open flow so we'll just take those electrons instead of the ones that have to squeeze through a tight resistor to get there.

That explanation is probably a bit hard to follow because I'm over here trying to explain it based on how the electrons are actually getting pulled around. In the world of electronics everyone decided to just pretend the flow is going the other way because it makes stuff easier to follow. So pretend we have magical positrons that go the other way and if they have nothing better to do they go down the path where we have all the fun stuff further down the circuit lighting lights and all that even though it's a tight squeeze through a resistor, because there's a yucky double negative in the triode and that's worse, but we have the switch rigged up to make that a nice positive go signal to the resistance free promised land with a bonus booster to cut across, so we're just gonna go that way when the grid signal's connected.

Oh and you can make other sorts of logic circuits or double up on them in a single tube if you add more grids and such, which we did for a while, but not really relevant these days.

Cool history lesson but I know there's no relays or vacuum tubes in my computer.

Right, so the above things are how we used to make computers, but they were super bulky, and you'd have to deal with how relays are super loud and kinda slow, and vacuum tubes need a big power draw and get hot. What we use instead of either of those these days are transistors. See after spending a good number of years working out all this circuit flow stuff with vacuum tubes we eventually focused on how the real important thing in all of this is how with the right materials you can make a little juncture where current flows between a positive and negative charge if a third wire going in there is also positively charged, but if it's negatively charged we're pulling over. And turns out there is a WAY more efficient way of doing that if you take a chunk of good ol' middle of the electron road silicon, and just kinda lightly paint the side of it with just the tiniest amount of positive leaning and negative leaning elements on the sides.

Really transistors don't require understanding anything new past the large number of topics already covered here, they're just more compact about it. Positive leaning bit, negative leaning bit, wildcard in the middle, like a vacuum tube. Based on the concepts of pulling electrons around from chemistry, like a circuit in general. The control wire in the middle kinda works in just a pass-fail sort of way, like a relay. They're just really nice compared to the older alternatives because they don't make noise or have moving parts to wear down, you don't have to run enough current through them for metal to start glowing and the whole room to heat up, and you can make them small. Absurdly small. Like... need an electron microscope to see them small.

And of course you can also make an inverter super tiny like that, and a diode (while you're at it you can use special materials or phosphors to make them light emitting, go LEDs!) and resistors can get pretty damn small if you just use less of a more resistant material, capacitors I think have a limit to how tiny you can get, practically, but yeah, you now know enough of the basic fundamentals of how computers work to throw some logic gates together. We've covered how a relay, triode, or transistor function as an AND gate. An OR gate is super easy, you just stick diodes on two wires so you don't have messy backflow then connect them together and lead off there. If you can get your head around wiring up an inverter (AKA NOT), hey, stick one after an AND to get a NAND, or an OR to get a NOR. You can work out XOR and XNOR from there right? Just build 4 NANDs, pass input A into gates 1 and 2, B into 2 and 3, 2's output into 1 and 3, 1 and 3's output into 4 for a XOR, use NORs instead for a XNOR. That's all of them right? So now just build a ton of those and arrange them into a computer. It's all logic and math from there.

Oh right. It's... an absurd amount of logic and math, and I can only fit so many words in a blog post. So we'll have to go all...

CONTINUED IN PART 2!

Meanwhile, again, if you can spare some cash I'd really appreciate it.

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Headcanons

All right! Thanks to some mutuals' encouragement, I decided to write down some of my Spy x Family headcanons. Some are more theories than hc, but hey, it's all in good fun 😊

1.Yor will be the one who kisses (or tries to kiss) Twilight. It fits her character arc, there's been some crazy hints and she has a crush on her husband.

2.When Yor confesses to Twilight (or kisses him), he'll have the opportunity to set up a honey trap again. He'll think it's convenient for Operation Strix; he'll rationalize the same thing he did during the bar date and conclude a honey trap is the right thing to do for the mission. However, when he sees Yor's eyes and realizes she's totally in love with him, he's going to freak out and won't be able to go through with it. Which brings me to my next hc...

3.Twilight is going to reject Yor. It will be devastating for both of them. Yor will think she's not good enough for him to love her when it's exactly the opposite: he's in love with her and that's why he rejected her. He doesn't want her to be another honey trap. In fact, this will probably be how Twilight realizes he's in love with his wife.

4.Anya knows her parents are in love. She can read their mind! More on that here.

5.At some point, Twilight and Yor are going to share a bed. It will be very exciting because it will probably happen right when they're both in the middle of figuring out their feelings for each other.

6.Maybe I'm wrong about this one but I still think Martha is somehow involved with The Garden. That whole arc was about her, yet she wasn't in the cover of the volume. I'm thinking her story is not over; we still have to know how she ended up with the Blackbells.

7.The relationship between Damian and Donovan Desmond is a foil of the relationship between [Redacted] and his father. It will be a trigger and mess things up for Twilight, because he will see his own story with adult eyes now.

8.Twilight's dad is alive. And not only that; I suspect he's a double agent. In fact, there's a chance we won't know which side he really belongs until the very end.

9.Anya was an accident. I don't think Project Apple experiments with children, but Anya was just born there so they experimented on her. I'm not sure if she was an accident between two prisoners of war or between a prisoner of war and a scientist, but I think she's one of a kind.

10.There's a third country involved in all this. It has been casually mentioned a few times.

11.Yor will be the one who leaves the Forgers first. Here are some reasons/theories of why this could happen. This, of course, will throw everything out of balance. Which brings me to...

12.Without Yor, there's a chance that Twilight will do something really stupid. Whether it's for the sake of the Operation or even thinking he's protecting Anya. It will be the wrong choice.

13.Yuri is not a bad guy. He's just a kid who has been brainwashed with nationalism. I think he'll be the one who discovers Twilight's identity (he already suspects Loid). At some point, he'll probably have to choose between his family and his duty to his country. He'll choose his family, of course. (More on Yuri here).

And finally, my favorite hc/theory, the [Redacted Theory]:

14.Yor is not in love with Loid or Twilight. She's in love with [Redacted], which means Yor sees the real person behind the mask, that it's impossible for him to hide his true self from the person he loves and, of course, that she's in love with his true self. I love this headcanon so much I wrote a whole fic about it 😊

That's it!

[h0nkytonkangels]

Almost every Maxis hair replaced with Pooklet textures + my selection of colors.

(I'm not going to show you the entire catalog of every hair. Read below for the ones that aren't included.)

So I'm enduring the massive, totally unnecessary undertaking of creating my own color palette for all my hairs. This is not a hair system per se, just Pooklet and Io textures in my own personal favorite colors. I have no idea who else would find these useful, but I like uploading stuff I make just in case it saves the time of one person out there. Anyways, there are going to be three natural families, but only one family for defaults:

Black: Pooklet's Dynamite

Brown: The Raven's Chocolate

Blonde: Pooklet's Volatile

Red: Io's Copper

Gray: Almighty Hat's Smoke Bomb

When thinking about how I was going to do all this, I decided against simply recoloring my previous defaults, because I want a lot of those hairs in multiple color families. SO, I decided to recolor Maxis hairs in my default palette. I actually like a lot of these meshes, and their low polygons make up for me being extra and using sexy feet and smooth hands.

Here's some of the defaults pictured on sims:

For textures, I used Aquilegia's textures for the base game non-hat hairs, Ja's textures for University through Mansion and Garden, Katsurin's textures for some of the hats, and made my own textures for some of the other hats using existing .packages from Maxboy at MTS. The files clearly state the source of all the textures.

I didn't do every single hair. At a certain point (that point being when I ran out of other people's textures to recolor and had to start retexturing things myself), I kinda tapped out and accepted just hiding/using other defaults for the hairs I hadn't done.

For example, I didn't do any of the holiday hairs because I will never use them, the base game hairs Aquilegia chose to hide, and a few of the hat hairs. I might make a completer set at a later date, but don't count on it. I'll probably get distracted by another project by then.

Everything is compressorized, files are renamed so there's no special characters, and everything should be pretty clearly labelled if you want to pick and choose. Do note that the EP/SP hairs as merged, whereas the base game ones aren't.

Download at SFS

Credit: @Pooklet, @serabiet, @katsurinssims, Aquilegia, Ja, and Maxboy

[lorienn-art]

Dear people of Tumblr, may I present to you the project I've been working on for the past few months. I didn't talk about it here like I did on Instagram but since summer 2023, I've been writing the script, storyboarding and drawing a 52 pages Jotawife comic (this wasn't supposed to be this long at first lmfao). The tone may be quite different from the comics you've already seen from me during those past three years. I wanted to share a deeper intepretation of Florida Woman that I have but didn't necessarily show (i.e., you'll get some Lórienn Jotawife lore + angst). These 12 first pages are the first batch; there will be probably 4 or 5 batches in total (if I actually manage to see the end of this comic ajajnaaknjaa) This comic is available on AO3 as well I would be lying if I said that I'm not stressed about sharing this. I'm actually terrified haha.. I've spent an insane amount of time and effort in this project and poured a lot of myself into it. Now, I'm not proud of everything for this first batch - it is in fact very flawed, but if I have to listen to my perfectionism for all the mistakes I see in my work, I wouldn't post anything jsjs However, I'm still proud that I managed to go this far already. I hope I'll do better for the next batches. Anyway, have a good reading! As flawed as this comic is, I hope you'll at least have a good time! Thank you

[justarandompersononthehellsite]

So... @muffinlance wrote a really awesome story. I read a post from a point in time, though I truly do not remember when since it seems like I've been working on this project forever, saying that she gives blanket permission for people to print and bind the story into a book (I think there was an also addendum saying that they do not give permission to be sold, since selling fic is illegal). This fic has had total control over my whole brain since it was sent to me (@creatorofthemind I believe it was you, so thank you forever for tuning me into it) back during the days of like chapter six or seven.

So here I am now, sharing this amazing journey of my first ever bookbinding adventure. Further reading below.

So to give you an idea of what's going on, this is a fanfiction about Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender) (animated show version, the LA show did not exist yet and we do not speak of the movie) being adopted by Hakoda, Father of Katara and Zuko. (This might have also been what kicked off the Give Zuko A Parent craze, but don't fact check me.)

Overall, the characters from the show stick very well to the cannon versions, but where MuffinLance really shines is in the rich backstories and fleshed out feeling of all the non cannon elements. Especially the background characters. I would argue that the writing in this peice of fanwork could easily rival the cannon show at many points of comparison.

Now that you have context, we can get into the actual process.

To start, I used this guide to figure out where to even begin, and fount the included resource list to also be quite helpful. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out where I found the template I used for the front matter and such, but it must be somewhere and I will link to it when I inevitably come across it again.

Then I began to typeset. This step took... a long time. I worked in chunks from about September of 2022 to late March of 2024. I would get a big section done, sometimes even the entire thing, but then find I hated the way I had done it and give up for months at a time. Such is the life of ADHD and flitting interest in projects I suppose.

And then finally, step one was done, and I was left with pages on a word document that look like this. (And do please let me know if you want the link to the document. It was so much work, and I would love to not be the only one to use it.)

Next step was printing out this beast. Ended up being about eight pages of front matter, and about 630 pages of body text.

That I printed wrong.

Twice.

Before finally getting it right. And then not getting a picture of it, because I finished at 4 am and had work at 7, and am also an idiot.

Then I simply stitched along, putting everything together into a beautiful text block.

And came up with a design for the cover.

Yes the glue did end up lumpy. Ignore it.

Yes I did have to sketch out the design onto a scraped page several times before I figured out what I was doing. Ignore that too.

The cover design does wrap around the entire cover. No I did not get a picture before I glued the thing down. See again: I'm an idiot. And just... massively impatient.

Finally, we get to the stage of gluing. Behold, my bookpress.

Of course, topped with Madam MuffinLances own actual professional-people book, Fox's Tounge and Kirin's Bone. It is Excelent. Here is the LINK so you can go and support this amazing author with the real-monies as well as the internet-kudos.

Then, once everything is glued together, one must give the book its "gilt" edges.

[steamberrystudio]

28/07/2024 Devlog

Hallo everyone!  Time for the tumblr update! I have big news! So read on!

Summary:

Finished drafting Yren's ending

Revised Kav, Noel, Raif, and Yren

Formatted/Scripted Kav, Noel, Raif, and Yren's endings

Worked on the play test for Yren

One new BG

Lots of UI stuff

Big Fiddly To Do List

Writing:

I am done with the writing. (Well. As done as one ever really is. I was telling another writer friend of mine just yesterday that we're never really done until the moment we have to ship the project to someone).

BUT. I am done with the rough draft. I am done with the major revision. So from this point onwards, the changes will be more minor as I play test and others play test (eventually. I'm the only one testing right now).

So going forward you probably won't be getting any writing updates because there won't be enough to report. Cause...it's done.

Uncoded word count is 657,000 words.

Coded word count is 616,000 words (this is how much actually ended up in Ren'py).

Huzzah. My 350,000 word story is done. He he. He. LoL

It took so much longer than I thought it would even though I was writing every day - sometimes 3000 words a day!

Timing was just so hard for this project. It was much more difficult to predict a total word count for this game. Because of the structure of this game, word count variations are going to be much more noticeable and I had to focus and work a little harder to keep everyone in much tighter alignment. So when one route (like Asher), increased by 5000 words, I knew immediately I would have to increase all the others by roughly the same amount.. That meant the overall word count goal instantly increased by 25000 words.

Additionally, any time I made a small change in something - whether it was lore or a minor wording or vocabulary change (for instance, changing one thing from "system void" to "gate void" then to "nexus void") - each time, I had to go change that thing in all the other routes.

There was a lot of continuity babysitting.

This was somewhat true for GS but not to the same degree. Not everything mentioned in one route in that game was even mentioned in the other routes. So I might need to only change one other route's references to that thing but not all nine routes. Or maybe no other route would need changes. In WSC, it was all 6 routes every single time.

So even if I was focusing on one particular route, I could never really work on that route in a vacuum. I was constantly having to go check on and edit the other routes for things too.

This not only made it harder and more time consuming to write in general, but also just made it impossible to predict things like how much time it would take.

But that is squared away. Life is good.

Art:

Just some BG stuff. I've been so focused on writing that not much of that focus has been spread around to art so there's not much to report here.

Other Stuff:

UI.

As you know I've been making some visual changes to the UI. Mostly minor stuff involving slight changes to the general aesthetic of the UI. Those fixes are largely complete.

And now the focus has shifted to adding more of the features and functionalities that have been planned but on-hold for the last year.

The new save screen is coded. This save screen, as you can see, divides the characters up by name and lets you add additional save slots when you've filled up all the empty ones. 

For a game like WSC, where people may have multiple playthroughs for different characters going at the same time, I thought it would be useful to have this paged organisation. I always find that even if I try to keep my playthroughs separate and organised, they invariably get messy. This is true in other games, this is true for my personal play tests...

I'm really hoping this structure helps with that.

Another feature I'm adding to WSC is a recap screen.

I know that with episodic games, one of the struggles people have is that they forget some of the story details during the gap between episodes. So people feel like they constantly have to replay and refresh their memory. This is, of course, an attempt to help players maybe not have to do that.

The idea is that I will update this with every episode so that people who want a recap can just click in and refresh their memory.

There are some other features that have been added in. Some other QOL of life things. And there are more features to come. I won't go into everything here.

But those things are slowly coming together as well.

There are a lot of things that have to be done before the first episode can release. Some are major things like completing the CGs or coding the sprite expressions. Some are more minor like adding the in-game achievements. 

And there are also a ton of smaller, more fiddly things. Like double-checking the styling of certain words (my editing programs could never decide if they preferred home world or homeworld and so both get used.)

I want to fix those kinds of things so testers don't have to worry about pointing them out.

I have a massive to-do list filled with all of those big and small things. And now I'm working through it.

I have also been doing a play test of Yren's route. I have to personally do each route one time just to see if there are any significant issues that need to be fixed before anyone else sees the game. So I've been doing that as well.

Upcoming Weeks:

Finishing my own play test of the game. This goes fairly slow because I play test with the self voicing enabled. And that means that I'm playing through it at a much slower pace. I also stop frequently to fix typos, change repetitive wording. Or may slightly more substantial fixes.

I've been testing for like...2 hours a night because I've been focused on writing during the day. But I'm going to be increasing the time I spend play testing so that hopefully I can get through the rest of it a little faster.

Additionally, all the UI and "Fiddly List" stuff will continue to be worked on as well.

So that's where we are.

We have moved past writing and into the next phase of development. I'm really excited to be finally focusing on other stuff.

That is all for now. I will see you next time.

[stevenssacrab]

This Again?

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

Summary: You find out the hard way that bottling things up solves nothing and helps no one.

Rating: 18+ (minors, do not interact)

Warnings: Mean and toxic Bucky, depressed reader, arguing, miscommunications

Word Count: 1.0k

a/n: I'm totally projecting here, this was very cathartic for me, communication is key my friends, no one can read your mind, speak up! Hope this helps anyone in a similar situation.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

“I’m going to hang out with Sam and Steve; I’ll be back later,” Bucky says, slightly annoyed as he walks out the door; you sigh heavily. It’s the 4th time Bucky has gone out with friends this week. There’s nothing wrong with that, but lately, you’ve been feeling like you’re always the one making all the plans, which you don’t mind doing, but it’s a two-way street; both sides need to be putting in the effort; you’ve already talked with Bucky about this, but it felt like it went nowhere, you voiced what you wanted, and Bucky said “okay,” and that was that. Still, you decided to put a little faith in Bucky and hope he’d take your words to heart.

“It’s okay, we just talked about it; give him time,” you said to yourself, absentmindedly flipping through the TV channels; nothing caught your attention; your mind was preoccupied with the situation, turning off the TV, deciding it was a lost cause.

It's been two weeks since you talked with Bucky about including you more, and it has sadly gone nowhere; you feel as if you're talking to a brick wall, you feel under-appreciated, but worse of all you feel alone, completely abandoned, like you've lost the person you cared about the most, once again Bucky is out with Sam and Steve again, you had hoped by now that Bucky would have made a change. Still, Bucky remains the same; you're staying up, crying quietly, waiting for Bucky to come home; you don't know what you're going to do, but you're not just going to sit back and continue to be treated this way, all these emotions have been building up for months, you've tried to pack it all away hoping the problems would solve themselves, assuming that everything would go back to normal.

You're so deep in thought you don't even hear the front door open, Bucky's voice breaking you from your trance.

"I'm home, Y/N," he calls out to you; you sigh, anticipating the upcoming battle.

"I'm in here," you shout back, wiping your tears away, shifting uncomfortably, nerves eating away at you.

Bucky walks in with an exhale, shedding articles of clothing, unaware of your emotional state.

"How has your night been?" He asks sweetly, back facing you. You let out a weep, and Bucky turns around swiftly, concern written across his features; he crawls across the bed towards you, gently rubbing your arm comfortably; you move away from his touch, and Bucky looks at you, confused.

"Buck, we need to talk,” you say, exhausted; you move to sit directly across from him. Bucky observes you.

“You still-no, it feels like you haven’t put in any effort to include me,” you play with your fingers, avoiding Bucky’s eyes; he sighs and stands up, rolling his eyes, annoyance radiating off him.

“Not this again? Why can’t I go out with my friends? Why do I have to bring you every time?” He grits his teeth, angrily kicking his shoes off.

“Bucky, I’m not asking you to invite me every time, just every once in a while; your friends are my friends, too,” you defend; you pick yourself up and stand in front of Bucky.

“You wanna go out? Fine, let’s go out right now,” he says sharply, reaching for his coat.

“That’s not what I mean, Bucky,” you say bitterly, taking his coat out of his hands.

“I don’t know what you want from me?!” He thunders, throwing his hands in the air. “First, you want me to take you out, and then when I offer to, you don’t want to?!” He booms, running his hands through his hair frustratedly.

“Bucky, I don’t want to ask you to invite me; I want you to come up with it on your own!” You shout back, the argument and tensions escalating.

“Do you even hear yourself?” He yells, pacing back and forth, “If you want to come with me, just do it!”

“I want you to want me there, Buck; I don’t want to invite myself, then it feels like no one actually wants me there,” you cry, voice cracking slightly; you hope Bucky doesn’t pick up on it.

“Want me to want you there? Now you’re telling me what I want?” He says in disbelief, laughing at the absurdity.

“No, I just want my presence to be appreciated; I feel like I’m the only one making plans, like I’m the only one trying,” you cry out, tears running down your cheeks, all the pent-up emotion pouring out of you.

“Y/N, every time I invite you somewhere, and someone does one thing to upset you, you completely shut down! You don’t say anything; you just sit there and make everyone uncomfortable! Why would I want to keep inviting someone who clearly doesn’t want to be there?” Bucky roars. “Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t want you there, and that’s why I don’t ask you to come?” He barks.

“You don’t want me there?” You say quietly; time freezes; has he never wanted you there? How long has he felt this way? You stare at Bucky, waiting for an answer, but he says nothing; he stares back at you.

“Y/N, every day something has upset you so much that you just shut everyone out; you don’t talk to me or anyone; you sit in your own misery all alone. How am I supposed to be there for you when you don’t let me in, baby?” He says calmly, slowly stepping closer to you, cautiously pulling you into a hug; you break at the embrace, falling to your knees, sobs ripping from your throat; to keep the peace, you bottle everything up and hope everything will fix itself, without realizing you’ve barricaded yourself in your own tower of isolation and heartache, completely locking out everyone who’s ever cared for you.

“I’m so sorry, Buck,” you whimper out, gripping Bucky’s arms as if your life depended on it. Bucky softly shushes you, gently rocking you back and forth, caressing your head as you let out all the suppressed emotion.

“It’s okay, baby, I gotcha,” he says gently.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I was reading your L*ona r- I mean, your NOT L*ona ramblings, and BFOEMLAMDLSMAN you explain everything so well... I want to make everyone see your posts istg 😭😭😭(in general but specially about him)

But I was wondering— why do you censor his name? Should I censor it if I ask you about him? (Doing it here just in case) you just seem very cool and I would hate to make u uncomfortable 🥹

Anyways, he's my fav but I totally get that love/hate reactions you have towards him, I'M THE SAME. On Twitter I always go from lovemailing him to saying "I pray for your downfall." and screaming insults into a void (so like. the same but in Spanish 😭) You're not alone I get you and my inner thoughts sound EXACTLY THE SAME 😭😭😭 (I wish I could write long analysis but anytime I try to do that with ANY fav character of mine my mind just has TOO MANY THOUGHTS and they all cancel out each other and my brain just shuts down.)

[Referencing the NOT L*ONA ROT tag, I think specifically this post!]

EW, NO 🤢 I’d rather be ill on my bedsheets than project my L*ona ramblings on a large scale and force everyone to look at it xiavszjvafqycqh,(.eRyGFDga I think I’d simply dissipate from the embarrassment OTL

I don’t censor Leona’s name because he upsets me somehow, I do it as a form of begrudging endearment. It’s similar to how I sometimes refer to Jade as “J word”! I tend to break out those terms most often when I’m (unfortunately) screaming excitedly about them, like the love-hate reactions you brought up. It’s almost like they’re forbidden words or anomalies whose names must not be spoken aloud, lest you accidentally summon them... and I think that adds to the simple charm of those monikers 🙃 So it’s completely fine if you just write characters’ names without redacting them!

Anyway, I’m happy that you were able to relate to my thoughts and experiences in some way ^^ I hope that you can continue to hang around and engage with my not-L*ona-rot~

[genericpuff]

Oi, just a heads up for future asks, because I get questions like this several times a week, I'm not gonna be responding to any more asks along the lines of "will [insert character here] be in Rekindled" or "how will you handle [xyz]".

I know, I know, that sounds really personal! But I promise it's not with any ill intent, I can totally understand why many of you are asking them because y'all just want that reassurance in knowing I'm not gonna do whatever Rachel did - and the best way to hear it is often from the horse's mouth - but when it comes right down to it these are often questions I've either already answered or simply CAN'T answer because that would involve me outright spoiling stuff. Like, most of the time I really can't tell you anything beyond "wait and see", and that's not me trying to be a dick holding out on y'all, I just don't want to spoil stuff! What DOES make me feel like a dick is answering with vague half-answers that don't satisfy your questions LOL But telling you outright what my plans are doesn't just run the risk of ruining the experience for readers, it can also ruin it for me because if I told you everything that was gonna happen, then I wouldn't have anything to surprise you with and it would suck all the fun out of it LOL

As a general rule of thumb, if you're asking about something in LO that I've adamantly criticized (especially stuff that's become popular opinion like the problems with the age gap, the SA plotline, the inclusion of Eris, the Eros x Psyche plot, etc.) then the odds are like 99% that I'm either not doing it or changing it LOL

I know it's a big BIG ask to "trust the process" after so much of that trust was burned with LO, but believe me when I say, I was one of y'all who got burned and I don't intend on making the same mistakes Rachel did, for my sake and yours. I'd like to think I've been doing a pretty okay job up until this point, but also much of that job is fairly easy to do when the bar is on the floor LMAO but I've got so much stuff planned that I'm super hyped for and while it may not feasibly satisfy every single person who's reading along - especially when it comes to the things I choose to remove or drastically change - I do hope at the very least it'll be a story worth following along with until the end. It's been an amazing year working on this project and sharing it with you all, so please just hang in there, whatever burning questions you have about the plot and its characters will be answered in due time as we get to them together <3 (and don't worry if I don't respond to any of your "what will you do with xyz" asks, it's not personal I promise, it's just that I've either already answered them or can't answer them fully without spoiling LOL)

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

[redr0sewrites]

Hi!!! Hope you’re having a wonderful day! I was wondering if you could write some head cannons for the hashira (separate) x a reader who has health issues that cause difficulty breathing and the need to use a nebulizer (it’s a machine with a mask that you wear in inhale medication in case you didn’t know), and how they react to some of the side affects of it (tiredness, fatigue, mild full body shaking, hyperactivity) this is very much me projecting due to me not seeing much rep of these types of conditions. totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, I understand that these types of things can be scary or triggering for some but I figured I might as well ask. Again I hope your having a lovely day and thank you for reading <3

OFC!!! lmk if theres anything i need to adjust or info thats inaccurate, i dont have person experience with this form of condition and i attempted to write it as accurately as i can but if i need to adjust ANYTHING please inform me!! :D

🥀CW: some angst (with comfort), nebulizer, mentions of sickness, mentions of medication and medicine, shaking, exhaustion, etc

🥀Characters: All the Hashiras (minus Muichiro cuz i dont write for him) x sick!reader

Rengoku

When you first explained your condition to him, he was a little confused

Asked a lot of questions about your nebulizer, the type of medication you took, and overall just wanted to learn about it!

Rengoku is always asking if your okay, he is very blunt about it because he worries ab you a lot, however he doesnt show it since he wouldnt want to upset you

will ABSOLUTELY help you with anything you need, say for example your feeling especially tired or shaky, he will not leave your side! your happiness is always his top priority<3

Throughout the day, he does consistent check-ins to make sure you've eaten, drank water, and taken your medication. if you havent, rengoku will remind you that you probably should and will help you if necessary!

when your feeling tired, he pulls you into the biggest bear hug and lets you rest in his arms-

"Have you taken your medication today baby?" Rengoku's voice was softer than usual, making sure not to surprise you as he walked up behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing a kiss onto the top of your head as you nodded. "thats good! I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

Tengen

your absolutely getting the royalty treatment, your getting PAMPERED!

can and will pay for all of your medical expenses, whether it be medication, the cost of the nebulizer, and anything else you want- he is very insistent about it!

Tengen wants you to live your life to to the fullest and flashiest extent possible, regardless of your condition and does everything possible to make life fun for you!

He would be understanding of your limits tho, and I think he would really enjoy carrying you around simply because it lets him take care of you. he would never want you to overwork yourself or push yourself on his behalf, and will check in on you if your looking particularly tired!

he wants to marry you the first chance he gets!

You were cleaning off your nebulizer as your husband came up behind you. "Here, let me~" Tengen whispered in your ear, moving your hands away from the nebulizer to wash it instead. "Tengen, I can do it myself..." you muttered, and he grinned at you. "I know, but what kind of man would I be if I let someone as beautiful as you do all the hardwork, hm?" His words made your cheeks flush, and he placed the nebulizer down as he wrapped his arms around your waist, dipping you low and kissing you extravagantly. "I love you doll~"

Shinobu

She is sooo protective over you, but in the best way! Shinobu is always making sure that your staying healthy and taking your medication, and will check up on your breathing whenever necessary!

Shinobu shows her affection through actions rather than words, especially when it comes to you. She knows she can never fully relate to what your feeling, but does her best to show she cares

She definitely educated herself on your condition and read up on possible treatment and ways to ease symptoms. she would never do anything you weren't comfortable with, but is always offering new treatments that may help improve your life!

When your feeling like shit, she will practically force you to stay in bed and let her take care of u!

Shinobu hummed softly, gently taking the mask of your nebulizer off your face before leaning in to kiss you. "Dont overwork yourself.." she murmured softly, moving closer to wrap her arms around you and run her hands through your hair. "I love you so much, little butterfly.."

Obanai

When you first tell him about it, he honestly isnt that phased

He doesnt view you any differently than he did before, and he thinks your perfect with or without your condition.

Obanai is always keeping an eye on you, just to make sure you don't get hurt or overwork yourself. He'll softly ask you questions about how your feeling, and stares intently at you making sure your not in any form of pain, physically or mentally

he is great to talk to if your upset, and while he may not relate or understand, he will do his best to listen

whenever your tired, obanai will carry you on his back to where you want to go! if your shaky, he will hold things for you and he will ask if its okay for him to help you, he would never want to overstep or make you feel incapable

Kaburamaru likes you a lot as well, and enjoys resting with you when your tired and will watch over you when Obanai cant!

Your hands shook as you attempted to pour the water into the mug, frustration boiling in your gut at your inability to do this seemingly simple task. "Let me." Obanais smooth voice made you stop as he gently reached out, steadying your hands with his own. "Do you want help?" Obanai and Kaburamaru studied your face, and you nodded softly. In perfect synchronization, Obanai held the mug for you while you poured the water in and added the tea bag. Obanai admired you, hearts in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your waist in a gentle hug.

Mitsuri

she is ENAMORED with you she finds your persistence and strength beautiful in every way!!

mitsuri def wanted to understand how you felt and what your condition was like, and would also ask a lot of questions

SHES SO CLINGYYYYY its honestly adorable bc shes always holding you or hugging you and asking you how you feel!

if your tired or worn out, she practically drags u into bed to cuddle you! shes soooo understanding of your strength and your limits and will praise you SO MUCH for your strength and tenacity

when it comes to a nebulizer, while she may be sort of confused she is very supportive and will remind you (if needed) to take your medication!

"HEYYYY Y/N!!!" Mitsuri called out to you, running into the room and throwing her arms around you as she pressed kisses all over your face. Your nose wrinkled automatically from the affection, and she giggled. You coughed and she tensed, pulling away with a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay??" Her wide eyes stared into yours, and you nodded. "I'm fine, just... tired." Mitsuri's face brightened, pink lips quirking into a small grin. "Thats okay!! Come on y/n, we can go cuddle together in bed!!!!"

Sanemi

Sanemi is surprisingly considerate about your condition, and will fiercely defend you if anyone even dared say anything about you or your condition

I think he would bluntly ask questions at first, honestly he would be a little tad bit ignorant but only when he first met you

he would originally think you were weak but once sanemi began to know about your condition and all the stress and pain you had to go through just to live, he honestly began to admire you

sanemi would train you, just so you knew how to defend yourself but also because he wants you to know he doesnt think your weak

when your tired, he will pull you onto his lap and run his fingers through your hair while holding you tight and close to him. he'll never mention it and will pout and pretend to complain, but in reality he loves you so much and hates seeing you in pain.

sanemi would be hella confused about your nebulizer at first ngl- he would ask a lot of questions about it and about any medication you took, and would make a mental note to remind you about it

overall does EVERYTHING he can to take care of you and is honestly so worried about you- he just loves you so much

"What the fuck are you doing???!!" Sanemi gasped out as you crawled into his lap, wrapping your arms and legs around him and nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "I'm tired 'Nemi..." you mumbled, hands shaking slightly as you struggled to calm your breathing. Sanemi sighed, pretending to be exasperated but the speed of his flustered heart gave him away. He pulled away to press a kiss to your forehead before pulling you close again and wrapping himself around you. "Your lucky I love you..."

Gyomei

When you first tell him about your condition, he begins to cry a little

Gyomei finds it super endearing how tenacious and hardworking you are, doing your best to overcome your condition

hes an incredible listener, and whenever your feeling tired or upset hes always there to comfort you

when it comes to medicine and your nebulizer, he will want to learn how to help you in any way he can. definitely educates himself and i can see him asking you or shinobu any questions about conditions similar or the same as yours

while he can't physically see you, he knows how much your condition pains you and will pray for your comfort sometimes

gyomei is HUGE and really likes carrying you around when your tired!!! he'll gladly invite you into his arms whenever he senses your exhaustion, but is always very gentle with you in fear of hurting you because your so precious to him.

You took a steady breath with the help of your nebulizer, Gyomeis large hands gently rubbing your back as you inhaled your medication. "My sweet light..." he murmured softly, so softly you had to strain a bit to hear him. "I love you... i love you so much." You can't help but smile, and he smiles too, grateful he gets to bask in your warmth.

Giyuu

When you first explain it to him, don't expect a huge reaction

Giyuu pretends he doesn't care much, why should he?

Yet his heart seems to stop when you first explain your difficulty breathing and your need for a nebulizer

a wave of fear washes over him so much it's almost paralyzing, hes terrified of losing you

Giyuu would probably try to push you away but only at first, when he realized how upset it made you he began to open up to you more

hes always asking about your comfort, he lends you his clothes often to make sure your comfortable and will memorize when and how you take your medication

Giyuu learns all he can about your condition and your nebulizer, he wants you to know that you can rely on him

Giyuu is not great at expressing himself through words, however he cares about you very, very deeply.

You know he cares by the way his deep blue eyes study you whenever you cough, the way his hands steady you when you shake

He would gladly switch positions with you in a heartbeat if it meant you wouldn't have to feel the pain you struggle with

Every time you cough or wheeze he swears his heart skips a beat, and whenever your tired he always pulls you so close to him

Giyuu pulled you close to him, gently placing the nebulizer away so he didn't have to see it. Burying his head in your hair, embracing you as he tried to ignore the pain he felt at seeing you struggle to simply breath. He knew how exhausted you were, and he wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. "I love you so much, my dear... never leave me, please..."

this was honestly such an interesting ask to write, and i really enjoyed it! i apologize if any of them are OOC, i havent written for some of them before 😭😭😭 I HOPE YALL ENJOYED!!!!!! PLSSS SEND IN MORE REQS IM DYING FOR MORE DEMON SLAYER REQS!!!

(also take a guess who my bias is >:D)