#I've known this for years but now that the moment is here......it hurts

[joonsytip]

Only for Love || Mingyu - Epilogue

Pairings: Mingyu x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Husband!Mingyu, Cold Wife!Reader, Arranged Marriage au, Contract Marriage au, Divorce au

Synopsis: When an accidental discovery has your perception of happy married life crumbling down, you do what you think is the best for everyone involved. Naturally, your opinion of the best doesn't cater to your husband's. So what happens when things spiral out due to unforeseen events?

Warnings: divorce, reader is pregnant and having it hard, emotional baggage, tears and profanities, mentions of throwing up, morning sickness, lot of banter.

Word Count: 7.8k

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Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue

Mingyu didn't get a wink of sleep, neither did you. It's something given.

What's not given for him is the way you're waiting for him with the luggage by the door.

"No...", Mingyu says to himself, as he eyes the bags and then takes a look at your face. He then scurries off to the guestroom only to find all your belongings gone. He goes to the bedroom and same, the house has no traces of you left.

And once you leave, no one would be able to tell if you were ever here, not even Mingyu himself.

He comes back, devasted.

"Please, don't leave.", he pleads, his voice coming out in cracks, "Not when I have so many things to tell you, so much to confess."

You bite your tongue and while trying to maintain the poker facade, you say, "I'll sum it up for you. Our marriage is based on a contract between you and my uncle. And even after over 2 years of the marriage, you find it difficult to be with me because I'm..", you suck in a deep breath, "not Sora. I'm not like her."

Mingyu looks at you with tears in his eyes, wanting to retort everything you're saying but he knows nothing he says would make you believe him. After all, trust has been compromised.

"And I'll never be her, Mingyu.", you say, your voice giving out the dejection, "So I'm freeing you from this marriage. We'll get divorced. You can be with whoever you want. And I will lead my life as how it was supposed to be."

"How was your life supposed to be?", Mingyu asks, his heart thumping as he close the gap between you two.

"Alone.", you answer him, unwavering.

"God, no", he holds you gently, "You belong with me, Y/N. I known I have been dishonest with you when you had clearly warned me beforehand. And I know I've hurt you so much over the span of our marriage but please believe me when I say that I'd not do it with anyone else, it'll be always you."

His gaze tears the shield that you have guarded yourself with, your grip on the trolley loosens for a moment.

And before you give in, you brace yourself.

"We're done talking, Mingyu. I'll have my lawyer set a date with you and yours.", you say removing his hands, "As I said, you can have everything you want--"

"But all I want is you, Y/N."

Your heart beats erratically in your chest. Your senses start to behave abnormally and your mind almost discards the rationalities. But you know you couldn't afford all these, that for him to be well, you'd have to let go.

"Except me, anything you want.", you say in a strained voice, your hands itching to wipe those tears from his face, "I know you're ambitious so that's why I don't think our divorce would weigh much on you. If you respect and value the time we spent together, for the sake of those, divorce me. I beg you, I want nothing else."

And Mingyu stands exactly where you have left him. It's a been a week and he's miserable.

His parents are not in talking terms with him, the moment they knew about the contract which is leading to the divorce.

And Minhee, she's has been taking the worst hit. And now, she understands if you never want to see her again after what her brother has done. But doesn't mean, it'd hurt less.

Unlike her brother, she was not popular with people. Majority approached her just get a whimp of her brother and that's why she had trust issues, leading her to be cautious of people. She does have genuine friends she's close with but you, you are different.

Minhee admires you, proudly calls you her family and loves you because she has noticed it all. How you have accommodated yourself and been a part of the family. Not big with words but bigger with actions. And maybe Mingyu can be dumb but the entire family knows that you love him, it's so painfully obvious.

"Hey", a soft voice breaks her reverie. She turns to look and finds Soonyoung.

"I don't want to see you.", she tells him, "So leave."

Soonyoung sighs, "But you're upset and I can't see you like this--"

"Why do you care suddenly?", she glares at him, "Look, I don't like you anymore okay? I can't believe you all knew about that contract but didn't stop him. What kind of friends are you?"

Soonyoung just sits, head down and listens to her reparimend him. At least, he gets to see her.

"What do you want?", you ask, checking your watch. There's an unfamiliarity in your tone.

"Can you please reconsider and withdraw the petition?", Jeonghan asks politely.

"No.", you flatly deny.

He runs his hand through his hair in frustration, which is rare.

"Mingyu is not doing well, Y/N. He has shut out everyone.", he says, "That day, Sora took Mingyu with her to visit me because she thought I'd not meet her if she comes. And it was totally work, nothing else Y/N. Mingyu doesn't have feelings for Sora, he likes--"

You raise your palm up and Jeonghan shuts up. There's nothing much to say, not anymore. So you just give him an ultimatum before leaving.

The day comes fast and hits harder. Mingyu sits frozen with the pen in his hands, his vision dazed, mind blank. It's happening and it's a matter of time then you'd be denounced as husband and wife.

As you sit in front of him, you can't help but notice Mingyu's state. You can tell he's been having it hard, he looks lost. He hasn't spoken except when urged since he arrived, he seems like an entirely different person.

Mingyu can't bring himself to sign the papers. He can't bear to look at you. And since the universe have decided to bite him back with karma, he does it.

A single drop of tear wets the paper, just below the line where he signs his name.

The formalities are done and it's official. Though there's a cool off period both sides know that it's of no use.

Your lawyer leads the way out, solemnly announcing the outcome of the meeting.

"Y/N", Mingyu calls and you dismiss your lawyer waiting for him to catch up.

There's a devastatingly sad smile on his tear stained face and your breaks at the sight of him.

"So it's ends here.", Mingyu says trying to hide the quiver in his voice, "I'm sorry for everything, Y/N. I have been a failure and I can't do anything to fix it. But I wish you healing and a peaceful life ahead."

He quickly wipes the tears and continues hesitantly, "If ever my name comes to your mind, please contact me. I'd come if you want help in something minimal, I'd listen if you wanna curse me out. Be it anything, all you have to do is drop a text or call me and I'll come to you. We can't be friends but I'd like to just pretend."

You don't think you can hold your tears anymore so you let them fall. Mingyu is surprised and his hands almost touches your face in worry but he remembers that it's not his place anymore.

"Live well, Mingyu.", you tell him, "Take care of mom, dad--", rectifying it quickly, you continue, "aunt, uncle and Minhee. We all mistakes, make sure to learn from them and treat others rightfully."

Mingyu understands the weight behind your words. Times seems to have frozen as none of you make a move.

You take the initiative to break the reverie. Because even if Mingyu thinks it's the end but you know you'd have to see him again.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?", you smile through your tears, looking up at the sky then back at him.

And just as you predicted, Mingyu doesn't get the meaning of your words because he's distracted and you're relieved.

Your apartment still feels foreign. It shouldn't be as you've lived here for most of your life and now you are sitting alone, lost in the thoughts.

Whenever there is too much on your plate, you'd call your uncle. Just listening to his voice soothes you so you quickly fish out your phone. But just as your thumb hovers over the call button, tears stream down because you remember that you won't be able to hear his voice ever again.

You've started showing a little since the second trimester has started and you are thinking of ways to tell Mingyu, scared at wits remembering how everything went down everytime you've tried to let him know.

But you know you've to let Mingyu know about the baby and it has to be soon.

Stress is eating at you and nausea has become your best friend. Morning sickness loves you and you can barely eat any food without throwing out. Minghao has been attentive, trying his best to help you out but there's a limit to he can do.

You are not feeling particularly well today while you're at work. For some reason your chest feels like vacuuming out, your head spins a little.

You have been doing great at hiding the uneasiness until you're addressing the people about some requirements in the character design involving all the teams and your legs gives up. Your vision spars and suddenly your eyes shut, causing you to loose consciousness.

Minghao lurches forward, catching you in time saving you from the impact of fall. He doesn't waste any time picking you up and rushing to the hospital, himself being drained out in fear.

Soonyoung immediately follows and while he drives behind, he makes a bunch of calls.

The lights from the ceiling are blinding enough to cause irritation even if your eyes are closed. There are murmurs at the backdrop but they're low not quite reaching your ears. Your left hand feels heavy, you think there's a weight on your stomach.

You squeeze at whatever was enclosing your hand and a very familiar voice calls out your name. But you can't figure out who it is. There are repeatative calls but your eyes are so heavy that you're finding it difficult to open them.

You feel a touch on your cheek, a soothing rubbing of thumb on it and you're able to open your eyes finally.

And you came across his face. Eyes red, lashes wet and hurt etched on features. His eyes are fixated on your face.

"Mingyu", you say grabbing his hand, "Where am I?"

Mingyu sighs in relief and kisses your forehead, his lips lingering on your skin as he speaks, "You're in the hospital. How are you feeling?"

"What happened to me? Why am I feeling so tired and sleepy?", you ask, as you hold his face, rubbing your thumb against his cheek gently, "Take me home and hold me to sleep please."

Mingyu worries at your state but he knows that it's an after effect of concussion and you'll be back to normal after some time.

"Is the baby fine?", you ask with a quiver in your voice.

Mingyu's eyes water with tears again at the mention and he backs away for a moment wiping those. He takes deep breathes and returns by your side.

Gently, caressing your bump he answers, "The baby is fine."

"Don't tell uncle that I'm here, he'd be worried.", you say and his heart breaks.

He nods at you wordlessly, choking back his sobs.

There's a smile on your face, "I can't keep my eyes open."

"Rest well.", he says, stroking your head, "I'll be here when you wake up."

"How's she?", Minhee asks as soon as Mingyu steps out of the room.

"She just woke up.", he informs, "She's suffering from concussion. She was asking for her uncle."

Mingyu's steps stumble as he seats on a chair. When he received the call from Soonyoung, he rushed to the hospital only to see you lying unconscious on the hospital bed.

And on asking the doctor, the first thing he discovers is that you're four months along in pregnancy. As the timeline aligns, it kills him to belatedly know that you dealt with your uncle's death, the divorce all by yourself being pregnant.

"Why didn't she tell me?", Mingyu ponders out loud, tugging on his hair forcefully.

"Maybe she was waiting--", Junhui is cut off.

"She had tried to tell you three times in exact.", Minghao pitches in, his voice stern and accusatory, "The first time, at the office event but you decided that going somewhere with ex-girlfriend was more important."

"You should tone it down. It's not what you're thinking.", Jeonghan chimes in his friend's defence.

"Oh I'm not talking to you.", Minghao glares at him, "And I know what is what and not."

His gaze directs back at Mingyu, "The second time was when she returned home only to find you bitching about her to these guys over here.", he gestures at group standing scattered in the area, "She was nervous about how to crack the news to you, that was the only reason she returned."

Mingyu sits frozen in place as Minghao hammers the nail on his heart one by one.

The final blow punctuates brutal and hard, when Minghao says, "The third time was", he pauses for a moment before continuing, "The day uncle died. If you remember, she had asked you come home earlier, it was because she wanted to tell about the pregnancy."

"She must have been so scared. It must have been so hard for her.", Minhee whispers, choking on tears, "We have been so ignorant. We don't deserve her."

Soonyoung runs to her side but Minhee steps away from him, drawing a line.

Minghao nods solemnly, "Even after that she tried but her mind succumbed to the thought that something bad would happen again if she reveals about the pregnancy. She is indeed scared."

Hansol walks up to him and pleads, "Tell us if there's anything we could do. I don't care, be it anything, please."

Minghao scoffs, "You should have done something when your friend was going to marry her because of a contract which she wasn't even aware about.", he jabs his finger at his chest, "you should have knocked senses into your stupid friend when he chose his ex-girlfriend.", another jab, "you should have fought back when he was bitching about his own wife."

He sweeps his sharp gaze across the faces, "You could have done a lot of significant things but you chose not to and now there's nothing left to salvage."

"You're right.", Seokmin resorts to resignation, "We, as a bunch are awful. All of us."

Minghao is all riled up with pent up frustration of months bouncing off, he walks over to Mingyu grabbing his collar and pulling him up on his feet. When others try to pull them apart, Mingyu shakes his head, a sign asking them not to interfere. His head bowed down throughout.

His voice drips with venom when Minghao says, "How could you say that she didn't change? How could you not know how bad her morning sickness is? Why did she have to deal with everything and suffer alone while you lived with her?"

Minghao has so much to say, so much to let Mingyu know but he cannot. He doesn't have the right to do so.

He grabs the collar tighter, with much force, enough to draw lines of abrasion on the later's neck, "Don't think she's alone. She has me, she'll always have me. And you must have heard the rumours going around since you have a spy at our office.", he says looking at Soonyoung and back at him, "I'll tell you the truth. I love Y/N."

All pair of eyes widen at the declaration, even Mingyu's. Minghao's eyes are teary as he speaks his heart out, "I will always love her. Even if she never reciprocates, my feelings for her won't change."

Mingyu's parents who have been listening to the conversation, without announcing their presence decide not to interfere.

Later when you woke up, you didn't let anyone else meet you apart from Minghao who also completes the formalities for your discharge.

But when Mingyu almost barges in, you tell him to visit your apartment the next day if wants to talk. He simply obliges.

"I have tried to tell you about the pregnancy--"

Mingyu shakes his head, he doesn't meet your gaze, "I know now and that's what matters."

You scrutinize and everything about him screams that he is not doing well. Physically evident, mentally also as his body language gives it out.

"This wasn't planned and I'm keeping it so if you don't want to be a part of it, this will be the last time we're meeting--"

You don't get to finish the sentence as Mingyu lunges forward and kneels at your feet.

"I was a bad husband and I understand if you don't have any trust left in me. But we made it, Y/N. Of course I'll be there through the rest of the pregnancy and after that. We'll raise the baby, our baby.", he tries to convey his sincerity through his words, "I failed to be a good husband but I promise I'll try to be a good father."

"I'm sorry, you had to find out this way.", you say, your hands finding its way to wipe the tears that stained his cheeks.

You have been awfully swayed, your emotions are a mess and you can't mask your real emotions anymore. Pregnancy hormones are being tough on you and what you're scared the most about is letting yourself loose in Mingyu's presence. Something you cannot afford.

Mingyu is also quick to catch the changes in your demeanor. He knows you're being vulnerable and you'll be trying your best to conceal it but he makes a promise to himself that he'll protect you, take care of you. Even if you push him away, he won't scurry away this time.

Another episode of Mingyu's crying happens when you show him the sonograms from all the previous checkups and he carefully pockets the copies you give him, promising to accompany you for the checkups, memorizing the dates by heart from your calendar.

"What have you been eating?", he asks, padding into the kitchen. You follow him.

Concern grasps at him on hearing that you cook for yourself now and Minghao sometimes bring in his cooked food but you throw up more than you can eat. You tell him that you've been having trouble sleeping which caused the fatigue.

"I'll cook for you from now on.", he says determined.

"I appreciate it but you don't have to do it. It'll be a hassle--"

Mingyu dismisses you as he scans through the kitchen and makes the notes of the groceries that needed restocking, "My hassle, I'll handle it. Anyway, I used to cook for us."

"That's what.", you interject, "You used to. We're divorced now."

Mingyu freezes at the mention of divorce but quickly regains his composure, "I'm doing this for our baby. You can't tell me otherwise, I'm sorry but expect to see me a lot more from now on. And though I know it would make no sense to you but you can rely me."

You don't respond to that rather making a lame excuse, walking back to the bedroom.

Since then, it's been a rollercoaster ride for the both of you.

Whenever you try to draw a line, Mingyu erases it before it could even take a prominent shape.

"No, you don't have to drive me to work everyday.", you say sternly, "I can drive and if not Minghao can take me with him. He does that sometimes."

It's wrong of him to get jealous but when has the heart ever sided with him, "Minghao lives in the opposite direction, Y/N. It'll save all of us time and effort if you let me drive you."

"You also live in the opposite direction.", you snide, "Don't try to outsmart me."

Mingyu smiles sheepishly, "Anyways, I have to drop by to give you the lunchboxes. Now on, I'll just come early and cook here itself. My office starts later than yours so it's fine."

And no matter what you couldn't win over him. Hence, he now knows the passcode of your apartment.

"You're not allowed to barge in anytime without my permission. Always drop a text if you're coming. Don't misuse the privilege.", came your strict instruction with those 4 digits.

As another month passes by, your cravings start to get weirder. The urges always are to have something which you think no sane person would ever think about eating. And the timings, well random, no patterns.

Mingyu's heart drops when he's cooking one morning and you emerge from your room with a big patch pasted on your forehead.

He rushes to your side but you pretend to not notice him, roaming around the house aimlessly. And after a lot of tailing, Mingyu finally corners you.

The proximity almost makes you go berserk. His smell overpowers you causing you to nudge him to widen the gap.

"Lately, my cravings have been you know....", you trail off embarrassed, "It always hits at dawn hours."

Mingyu listens to you with utmost attention.

"I was craving candied pickles and I didn't have them at home so I went to the convenience store at 4 am."

You hush him when Mingyu opens his mouth, wide eyed, jaw dropped.

"I couldn't find the car keys and it was only there blocks down so I walked there and on the way back, I bumped onto a pole. It was dark, I missed it.", you whine rubbing your face in embarrassment and wincing when you accidentally rub on the cut.

It's a reminder to Mingyu of how you have been having it difficult and a string of regrets  making him ponder that if the divorce didn't happen he could have been doing all of it for you, without having asked to.

He grabs your face, making you look at him, "From next time onwards, please call me, no matter what time. I'll bring you what you're craving. It's not safe alone out there, more when you're pregnant."

And he knows that even though you'd agree on his face but you'd never bother him out at odd timings. Scratch that, he wants you to contact him even for the simplest things but you don't. Every time his phone pops up a notification he wishes that it's you. But that never happens.

So one night when your cravings got to your head and you decided to make a quick round to the store, your heart leaped out of the chest on opening the door.

It's Mingyu, sitting by the threshold, well sleeping against the door. As the door opened his body fell inside, waking him up as the result of the impact.

You quickly stand him up on his feet and take him inside.

"What are you doing here?", you ask him flabbergasted, "Why were you sleeping at the door when you know the passcode?"

Mingyu, still groggy, answers, "You told me to not enter your house without informing you. And I didn't want you to go out alone."

Your heart twinges at his words. You should be having emotional turmoil but something unexpected is happening and you absolutely hate it. The cravings for food have suddenly subsided and now you're craving for something else.

Rather someone else. You're suddenly craving for your ex-husband.

How can he look so tempting, wearing just a simple t-shirt and trackpant while being sleepy. Blame it on the hormones and those r-rated scenes in the movie that you watched this afternoon.

"Don't pull something like this again.", you say, rubbing your neck, "Just punch the code and get in, anytime."

And Mingyu is left confused when you maneuver him to the other room asking him to sleep there before rushing into your bedroom because another moment he is in your vicinity, your control would snap.

Domesticity comes handy with Mingyu. He is the kind of person who could effortlessly blend into your life under any circumstances.

So one day when you stand oogling your shoes wrack with doe eyes and curled down lips, Mingyu comes searching for you.

"What did those shoes do so bad to make you upset?", he asks with a hint of humour in his voice.

You huff before craning your neck to look at him. You pull him beside and point at the topmost shelf saying, "Those are my favourite pair of stilettoes, it's been so long I've worn them. And that pair of ruby scarpin, I can hear them calling my name."

Mingyu knows about your admiration of heels which explains the huge collection you've accumulated. Staying with you, has also made him accustomed to the clacking of heels whenever you walked swiftly wearing them.

So he understands that pregnancy doesn't actually leverage you from wearing heels, but you don't wear them just to maintain safety and avoid prolonged effects.

He takes your hands with a mischievous smile, "Wanna experience the feeling of wearing them?"

"You know I can't."

He hushes you, pulling you closer. He gestures you to slip out of the sliders and straightens himself, "Hop on my feet."

You look at him confused, "You'll get hurt, plus even if I try my belly won't allow me to do so."

"Just trust me, okay?", Mingyu says coaxing you and you do give in.

As you can't see the ground beneath your belly, Mingyu guides you and as soon as your feet are on his, he adjusts them making sure that both of your heels are in the air. Once making sure of the position, he places your hands on his shoulders and secures his tightly around your waist.

He starts walking around the house with you.

"See, same same.", he grins, pecking your forehead.

You laugh, lolling your head back, "Getting creative now, are we Mr. Kim? I'll give you points for the height."

Mingyu swears that he'd walk you this all the time, that your feet won't touch the ground even for a second if you want.

One day, he accidentally discovers that phoenix_726 is actually you when he wanted to play a game but it's been so long that he has forgotten his credentials so he decides to play using your account.

"I thought you're a man!"

"I used voice modulator with my headset because creeps started hitting on me as soon as they I'm a female."

"I can't believe, we've talking to each other, played along so long without knowing the real identity."

"Remember, I'm a much better player than you, Kim Mingyu."

"You wish, Y/N. I'm obviously better."

That debate never ended.

This isn't supposed to happen. You stand by the kitchen counter, watching a very familiar scene unfold in front of you.

"I can see the gears turning, you know?", Minghao says as he stands beside you.

"How did I agree upon this?", you sigh, "What's wrong with me, this isn't supposed to happen."

His features soften, "Because though you were able to hide your emotions previously, now you couldn't do that anymore. They are here because you've missed them, it's because you love them and want to spend time with them."

You know he's speaking the truth. And your eyes tear as the words hit you. Minghao pats your back when he sees you wiping your eyes frantically hoping for no one to see you like this.

"Thanks for letting us meet you.", Minhee smiles as you both sit and enjoy the company, "I missed you."

"Me too, Minhee.", you look at her, returning that smile. You turn only to find Junhui humouring Minghao, the latter actually smiling at the antics which is rare. Seokmin and Jeonghan are seemingly scolding Soonyoung. And Hansol is talking about something real serious with Mingyu's parents.

And your breath hitches when your gaze locks with Mingyu, he has been looking at you the whole time.

"He misses you the most.", Minhee says, "But he's been happy now, keeps yapping about how he gets to see you everyday. Goes on for hours about how much more beautiful you've gotten, the pregnancy looks great on you. Cries every time, he realises you two aren't together and it's because of him."

You turn back to look at her, shaking your head. It's overwhelming.

You had a good time. Minghao gained new friends and Mingyu stayed back while everyone else left. It's because he knows you too well. He has noticed you caressing your protruding belly more than usual.

"It's just the usual spasms.", you tell him when he asks repeatedly, "Maybe because I moved around way too much today."

"I'm taking you to the doctor, tomorrow.", Mingyu says, "No objections. But for now, what can I do to make you feel better?"

"There's nothing to do, Mingyu. It'll go away."

Mingyu nods just to go back and hug you from behind. You freeze at the sudden action. His hands snake down from your waist as he gently tries to hold up the weight of your belly. And it's somehow soothing. He dips his nose on your nape to inhale your scent and you subconsciously lean back on him.

That night when you have trouble sleeping again, Mingyu spends it reading the books on parenting devotedly until you fall asleep in his arms, on the couch. But you wake up on the bed the next morning.

"What does this mean, anyone knows?", Soonyoung asks as the guys hang out.

Mingyu is involuntarily present as Minhee kicks him out of your apartment, declaring girls day. He has been sulking since then.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?", Soonyoung adds, "This."

The phrase rings in Mingyu's ear as he tries to figure out its familiarity.

"Who said that to you?", Seokmin asks amused.

Soonyoung gulps, he can't reveal that Minhee had said it to him so he brushes it off.

Seokmin cocks his brows but tells nonetheless, "When someone says this, it's a way of them telling you that they love you, but they're letting you go."

Soonyoung freezes and so does Mingyu.

Seokmin looks at both of them lost while Hansol quickly catches on.

"By any chance, did Y/N say that to you?, Hansol asks and before Mingyu could answer Jeonghan stirs up.

"She did.", he confirms, "On the day they got divorced. I was there and heard it as well. Thought it was unusual of her to say something like that given the situation. But it makes sense now."

Junhui gasps, "Oh my god", he slaps his hand covering his mouth in shock, "She loves you, goddamn it. She loves you!"

Mingyu sits frozen. His mind is empty, no thoughts at all.

"Min?", Seokmin tries to shake his friend out of the trance.

"Gyu", Jeonghan calls calmly, "There's something I have been meaning to ask you for some time."

And when he does so, Mingyu does show a minimal movement. And of a sudden his empty mind from before starts filling up with all sorts of thoughts. His head and heart teams up to concierge him.

Mingyu looks at him robotically.

"You had kept the contract papers in the locker right? Did you even tell Y/N the passcode?", he asks.

Mingyu shakes his head, "No. She doesn't know."

"Then how did she get the papers? Did you check the locker again?", Hansol asks further.

"All she said was that she got the papers from my office. And while in the hassle, it didn't occur in my mind to check the locker again.", Mingyu answers.

"If my hunch is right, then I'm guessing it's a lie.", Jeonghan says, "I think she already knew about the contract, sometime after the marriage."

"How did she know? Her uncle never wanted her to know so he wouldn't tell her.", Junhui asks, "And even if she knew then why did she use it to get a divorce?"

"Only Y/N has the answer to these questions.", Jeonghan says, "Gyu, just go and check the locker and if you find your copy of the contract papers then just go and confront her. I'm sure she has her reasons so know them and see if there's a chance of reconciliation."

You notice that Mingyu has been acting quite out of character for the past few days. He seems like lost in thought. There's something different about the way he looks at you now.

The day before when you both went out to buy clothes and stuff for the baby, unlike other times he remained absent minded. You chose not to bother him.

But as the pregnancy progressed towards the end of the last trimester, it has been giving you one kind of hell. You are pretty much lost without Mingyu, feeling like a liability who's useless without him. Your emotions are a mess and you're always tired.

Mingyu wishes he could do anything to soothe your pain. He cries in the bathroom at nights when he hears your groans and sees those tears streaming down your eyes. There's another turmoil that's whirlwinding inside him, he has so many questions he wants answer of but he couldn't, just didn't wanna cause of any more of stress.

After a lot of negotiation and convincing, Mingyu now gets to hold you to sleep. His warmth visibly helps you to sleep better. What's bothering him is how you tremble in your sleep at night, there's always some incoherent murmuring before you are crying which prompts him to wake you up in the middle of night. And no matter how many times he asks, you never utter words about those reoccurring nightmares.

One night when Mingyu instinctively wakes up just to check on you, he finds you looking at him. His heart drops when he finds you sobbing.

"Gyu", you caress his cheeks, "there's something I want to tell you."

Mingyu holds your hand that lays on his face, giving a nod.

You lean in, faces merely an inch apart, "I love you."

You feel him go stiff under your touch. But he doesn't look at you as if you've grown another head rather there's calamity in his features.

"I'd have regretted if I didn't say it to you.", you admit, "There's a favour I want from you."

"What is it?"

"If there's a situation comes while I give birth", you voice quivers, "where you could save either me or the baby. Choose to save the baby, please."

Mingyu can't believe what he's hearing. He can't fathom loosing either of you.

"Where is this coming from?", he croaks as his hand ascends to protectively rub your belly.

"I have been dreaming of banshee, everynight. It signifies that someone would die in the family. I don't have anyone else from the baby so please promise me you'll protect our baby."

Mingyu pulls you closer, trying to keep his tears at bay, "Nothing such will happen. You both will be safe and healthy. I'll protect you both."

There's a moment of silence before Mingyu decides to speak up, "I found the copies of the contract in the locker. You never got those in hand. Since when did you know about it and why did you lie?"

You knew he was bound to find out someday so you decide to come clean because it's suffocating to keep everything within yourself for such a long time.

"That was the copy uncle had. I found out about the contract after a year since we got married. Came across the papers accidentally in uncle's office while I was visiting and confronted uncle. He confessed everything and I felt so betrayed.", you look up at him, "But I couldn't even think about leaving you. That's when I realised that I had fallen in love with you."

You press your finger on his lips when Mingyu tries to speak.

"But I also knew that you weren't over Sora, your social media still had all your pictures with her. It made me think if we should go through this marriage. My fault, I just couldn't let you go, I wanted to believe that you'd eventually come to me. Can you blame me though? You are my first love, of course I was being stupid and pathetic."

You laugh through your tears and it cracks his heart. Mingyu is rendered speechless by now.

"Then I decided to forget about everything because I thought we were making progress. Well, atleast I thought that we're happily married, alongside hoping that you'd fall for me. More confident because the pregnancy came along. It wouldn't be really hard to develop feelings for the mother of your child right? That's what I pondered over every night. But then a string of incidents happened."

Your voice tones down flat, the sadness returning in it, "When Sora came back, I knew you were just helping her. But I was just afraid because I can fight all the people who want you but I can't fight that one person whom you want. Sora was your first love after all."

You shift, creating a tiny space between you and him, "I wasn't mad at you when I heard you saying those things about me to the guys. Your mind was clouded, your first love had returned, now wanting you back where on the contrary you were married to someone whom you didn't love. I know it all came out because you knew you'd never fall in love with me and it's because I wasn't exactly the wife material. You couldn't think of ending the marriage because a lot was at stakes, yes, the contract, it ends with the end of the marriage."

"But still I chose to be selfish because of the baby and thought of working our marriage. Then my uncle died.", you shudder, recoiling, "And that was the last straw or you can say the indication I needed. I realised that I'm cursed. People around me or associated with me keep dying. So it's better to cut off the ties. I brought up the divorce using the contract papers because that was only way to protect you. Losing you as a husband is far better than losing you entirely."

Mingyu exhales sharply. If he felt like a jerk before, he feels absolutely trash after your confession. The man who had always taken pride in himself for being perceptive and empathetic, termed as their ideal type by many has his pride crumbled down, been to put to place.

He's simply a buffoon who couldn't even understand his wife. Just because you are not verbal, doesn't mean that you don't care. You cared more than anyone else, selfless enough to let go just to protect your love.

In a world where all these people think love's for show, you are the type to die for your beloved in secret.

"Mingyu", your voice pulls him out of the reverie. Mingyu thinks you've enchanted him, otherwise how could it make sense that you're glowing under the moonlight that's peeking in through the windows. Your smile melts him into a puddle, you're looking so divine.

When his gaze locks on yours, you say, "Stop feeling bad. It's not your fault, feelings can't be controlled. And people do go through unhappy marriages and opt for separation. It's quite normal. Also, you don't have to go beyond your capacity to accomodate me. I know you feel and are responsible for the baby but it's okay. Co-parenting is surely difficult but we will make it work. Don't miss out on love and life because you feel guilty towards your ex-wife. I'll be fine."

Mingyu has enough. He gently pushes you on your back and suddenly grabs both of your hands and pins them above your head. He hovers over you, careful of your belly and says, "You're doing awfully bad for someone who has such great perceptive skills."

Then he proceeds to rest his forehead onto yours. Your eyes widen and you try to free your hands but your strength is nothing as compared to his.

"Please, please kiss me or I'll go insane.", Mingyu whispers against your lips, freeing your hands.

"We shouldn't be doing this.", comes your meek response.

"And what if I say that I love you?", Mingyu nudges your nose with his, kissing your chin.

"Don't say something you'd regret later.", you say inhaling sharply.

"I'd regret if I don't confess now. I have already made a lot of mistakes, I can't afford to make any more."

He kisses your forehead, "I admire you in all the aspects. The way you're managing work and life while carrying a life inside you, amazes me."

Kissing on top of your eyes, he says, "I know you're independent and efficient but you can lean on me when things get rough."

He smiles as he kisses your cheeks, "You're so beautiful. You were a different kind of beautiful before the pregnancy, your beauty is unfathomable now and you will still be aphrodisiac post pregnancy."

Another kiss on your nose, "You're gaming skills are better than mine. But we conquer more when we're teaming up. So please take me in. I promise I won't let you down."

"I love you.", you shudder when his lips ghost over yours, "And I'm not confessing on just some whim or impulse. I mean it and I'll do anything to earn your trust. Even if it takes the lifetime I'll spend it making up to you."

He then waits patiently.

"I'm not responsible for my actions, the hormones are making me do this.", you anmounce before closing the gap.

Mingyu holds your face, kissing you slow and deep. Smiles when he feels your hand puckering on his shirt. Doesn't pull away until you're tapping on his arms for a breather. Latches back onto your lips after a second because he has been craving them so bad and now that he got the taste, he can't get enough.

The venue for the wedding is decorated beautifully, the lightings and flowers are complimenting each other in the best way.

You smile, sitting quietly as you resort to watching from a distance. The flute of champagne remains untouched.

Mingyu looked great when he walked to the altar. He looks beautiful on the stage. Seeing him donning the suit once again reminded you of your wedding. What if your marriage worked out?

Sora looks beautiful as well. Given, that she's the bride, all eyes are on her.

It's time to exchange vows, the priest announces. You don't remember all the vows you read during your wedding but you surely have some of them memorized. You wonder if they'll read the vows of similar wordings.

As the ceremony ends, your eyes move back and forth, studying the crowd when you feel the seat beside you being taken.

"Your presence on the stage was quite captivating.", you say boringly, "Someone could have mistaken you as the groom."

Mingyu laughs, "Actually I do want to get married but the woman I'm pursuing doesn't seem much interested."

You roll your eyes, "Then pursue someone else."

Though you don't look at him, you'd clearly sense the pout on his face, "But she's the love of my live and the mother of our son."

Your lips threaten to break into a smile. It's been over a year since you gave birth to Minjae, your son.

"Minhee had called.", you tell him, "She told that she'll be keeping Jae for another day, so no need to drop by her house."

Mingyu nods, "Minhee never lets him go easily. Jae seems to be fond of his aunt too. I'm sure Jae is perched on Soonyoung now."

You snort, "That's a given. I need your help on choosing the engagement gift for Minhee and Soonyoung. Hao will also join. When are you free?"

"For you, I'm always free.", Mingyu gives you a flirtatious smile, "Can Hao not come with us, I'll help him out separately."

"Let me go and congratulate Sora and Jungin quickly. We can leave after that.", you sigh at his antics and get on your feet, walking towards the newlyweds.

Sora, tired of her poor choices, sought out to her parents for arrange marriage and that's how she met Jungin and dated him for a while before tying the knot. You weren't exactly sure of attending your ex-husband's ex's wedding but Sora made you promise her and so you somehow ended up at the ceremony while Minhee took care of your son.

Not much has changed over the year. After your son's birth, Mingyu has become brazzen. He has become an absolute loser in love. And that loser has been courting you since then. You're always on your toes when around him because you have no idea what he'll pull. He is unofficially cohabitating with you in the name of parenting. You know better, even if Minjae grows up overnight and moves out, Mingyu would still not stop showing at your door with a bouquet in one hand and that damn smile.

You are unbothered when instead of dropping you off and leaving, Mingyu follows you into the apartment.

"Jae is not even here so what are you doing here?", you ask and take off your sandal.

And as you take another step, you're suddenly swept off your feet. You're not even surprised, your reflexes have grown immune. Mingyu effortlessly carries you to the bedroom and drops you on the bed, drops the blazer on the floor before joining you.

"I don't know about you but I need to change, can't sleep in this dress."

You whine when his grip around your hips tightens.

There's a goofy grin on his face, "I love you so much that my heart might explode someday. Thanks for giving birth to our son and for raising him with me. Thanks for being there for my sister and scaling that Soonyoung when he was confused about his feelings and being an absolute idiot. I like how happy both of them look together. Though you don't owe anything but I'm grateful as you always make sure to attend my parents' anniversary or birthdays and help them out when I can't. Thanks for being a great companion to my friends even after knowing how intolerable they can be."

You squint your eyes at him, already catching on.

Mingyu sits up and fishes out the very familiar velvety box.

He takes out the ring and asks, "Will you marry me?"

"No.", you say and get up, beelining into the bathroom to to get changed.

Mingyu smiles as he watches you. Here goes his 156th attempt of randomly proposing you and you rejecting him.

As Mingyu too gets changed and plops onto the bed, he whispers in your ear pulling you close to his body, "You know right, I won't stop asking you to marry me until you agree or find someone else which I pray for to never happen."

"What if I never say 'yes'?", you ask sleepily, feeling his lips giving feather kisses on your neck.

"I promised to wait a lifetime for you.", Mingyu answers in a heartbeat.

You drift off to sleep and Mingyu remembers something you had said a month or two ago as a part of your late night sleepy rambles.

"I'll marry you, after Jae turns three. I want him to be the flower boy at our wedding."

He still feels giddy, whenever he remembers your words. He doesn't know if he should account for something you said subconsciously, he's not sure if you are yourself aware of these words either. But what matters, what gives him hope is that deep inside your heart you've left him space.

So even if you agree to one of his random proposals, he'll prepare a grand proposal for you just before Jae's third birthday and will marry you right after his son turns three if you say yes.

Mingyu has planned out everything, he'd make Jae walk you down the aisle along with him. Though he's not sure if his heart will be able to handle such a sight. Marrying the love of his life in the presence of his family and friends, what else he could ask for.

Because in the end, everything is worth only for love.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip.

[aidaronan]

The years go by. The retail jobs that Steve thinks are temporary keep piling up, but he has no idea what else to do with his life so he just keeps on keeping on.

Until a large tree falls on the lawn of the little house he managed to buy and he gets the quote on removal and the number literally hurts his soul.

He buys a small chainsaw instead. Over the course of a few weeks, he gets most of the branches cut up. He collects some large rocks from down by the quarry and digs out a fire pit in his backyard. On his days off, his friends come over and they sit out back and have a few beers. The pile of wood dwindles. The giant trunk is another story though. His chainsaw isn't big enough for it. Burning it would take forever, and Steve's terrified he'd disappoint Smoky the Bear. He's at a loss.

Until he sees another giant trunk in someone's yard carved into a bear.

He knows what to do then. Not a bear, but something else. Through trial and error, the trunk becomes the rough shape of a woman, the remnants of the branches like a crown on her head. It's not as amazing as the bear he saw, but it's his. He finds he loves the smell of sawdust and the feeling of creating something.

Just like that, Steve realizes what he wants to do. It takes several months and a lot of yard sales, but he scrounges up the tools he needs to start woodworking. He learns to measure twice and cut once. He makes tables and chairs and carves them with art and designs that get better and better the more he learns. Shockingly, people actually buy his pieces.

Even more shocking comes the realization that he's making enough money to do it full time. He puts in his two weeks notice at Melvald's and hands in his assistant manager badge.

He's not sure he's happy, but he is content. It feels good to work hard and actually have things to show for it. It also feels good to work muscles he hasn't used since high school. He carries on for a few years like that, creating and learning and creating some more. Then Eddie Munson blows back into town. Invited back so Hawkins can have their most famous alumnus sing the national anthem at homecoming. Steve's honestly surprised he shows at all. "Can't believe you didn't tell them kiss your hairy ass," Steve says. Because of course Eddie ends up around his fire pit, sipping on Steve's cheap beer like he doesn't have three Grammy awards on his mantel. The years fall away with each drink, reminding Steve of just how much it had hurt when Eddie left. He'd wanted Eddie so bad back then, more than he'd ever wanted anyone. He can feel the echoes of that deep ache across time.

"Pfft. Don't you know all famous people wax our asses now? All the rage in LA." Eddie cuts a look at him and smirks when Steve rolls his eyes, grateful for the lighthearted moment to snap him out of his maudlin nostalgia. "Really though I thought about it, but then I thought it would be way funnier to donate a metric fuckton of money to Hawkins High with the stipulation that it go to the theater and band programs. Kind of bummed they couldn't honor my other request though."

"Which was?"

"My old Hellfire throne. I miss her, but apparently she's not around anymore. Something about water damage."

"Oh yeah. Water main busted a few years back and flooded the theater. I remember that." "Yeah. Had to settle for the promise they'd make a game lounge and stock it with all the supplies a budding young nerd needs."

"That's really nice, Eds."

Eddie shrugs. "I've been known to be nice on occasion. You'll come to homecoming, right? Moral support?"

Steve hasn't been to homecoming in years because he sees the other people who stayed in town all the time, and he has no interest in seeing the people who didn't. He can only answer the same questions so many times. Oh, I'm doing woodwork now. Yep, I still live right here. Nope, still not married, no kids.

He goes though, and he answers the uncomfortable questions. Because Eddie asked him to. Because no matter how long it's been, Steve can't deny that some part of him still...

He says goodbye after, and Eddie leaves again, and Steve tries not to think about that too much in the following days.

He's halfway into the project before he realizes what he's building. He'd seen Eddie's throne quite a few times back when. What he doesn't have memories of, he makes up. He adds his own touches too, making it a throne fit for a rock star, a nerd, a friend.

He carves ornate patterns, he creates scenes of dragons being beaten back by a man with a guitar, crowds of people that could be knights or concertgoers.

It's his favorite piece he's ever done, and his hands are shaking when he dials Eddie's number. He gets an answering machine and stumbles through a message.

"I made you something. I guess it's kind of silly, but it's here in Hawkins if you want it. Or I'm sure you can afford the shipping if you don't want to come. Just, I made you a chair. It's more of a... Well, you'll see. Unless you don't want to... It's Steve by the way." He hangs up before he can embarrass himself even more.

Eddie doesn't call him back. One day passes and then another. Steve tries not to let it get to him. He works on orders and new projects. He enjoys his little backyard oasis. He rents a few movies and thinks they're okay.

He's debarking some wood in his driveway when the rental car pulls up, Eddie stepping out in ripped jeans and an old Metallica tee. "Hi again, Stevie."

"Oh." Steve clears his throat. "The thing's in the garage. I'll..."

Eddie doesn't say anything for a long time, circling the throne, running his tattooed fingers over each little detail.

"You made this whole thing?"

"I did."

"For me?" Eddie looks at him then, one hand still touching the wood like he doesn't want to let go. Even under the harsh lights of the garage, his eyes are such a warm shade of brown that Steve forgets to breathe.

He nods. "For you."

"Why?"

There are a hundred answers Steve could give, but he spent so long not knowing who he was or who he wanted to be. Too long. "Because you'll always be the one that got away. Because some part of me will always want to make you smile no matter how long it's been."

Eddie falls into the throne like he just got the wind knocked out of him.

"You don't have to respond to that," Steve says. "You can just say thank you and take the chair."

"I can." Eddie blows out a breath. "But that would be incredibly stupid considering half my early ballads are about you."

"What?" Unfair. Steve doesn't have a chair to fall into.

"Oh sure, I changed the hes to shes for a while there because..." Eddie waves his hand. "But they're about you, Steve. God, I should've asked you out. I just thought..."

Hearing those words is a lot like seeing that carved bear all over again, something clicking into place that wasn't quite right before.

"Go out with me now then," Steve says. "Or stay in. I've got a frozen lasagna and I rented Contact."

"Steve Harrington? Asking Eddie 'the Freak' Munson on a date? Did hell freeze over?"

"Pfft." Steve takes a step closer toward what he wants most. "Hell froze over in 1986, Eddie. You were there."

Five months and a lot of long distance phone bills later, Steve opens Harrington Woodworking in Los Angeles. That same day, Eddie takes photos for Rolling Stone posing in an ornate throne in his living room. He tells the reporter exactly who made it and what he means. At concerts, he starts singing those ballads the way he always wanted to. More often than not, Steve stands in the wings singing along.

[d1xonss]

Cigarettes After Sex

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Reader

✧ Era : Season 11

✧ Pronouns : she/her

✧ Genre : ⚠️ Smut (18+) and a lil bit of angst

✧ Word Count : 5.6k

AN ~ Not a request but I had this idea that I just couldn't get out of my head. Plus I've been in the mood to write something a little spicy since you guys liked the Older oneshots so much. Hope you enjoy!

Your eyes stayed focused on the pages of the book you were reading in front of you in the smoke filled garage, occasionally turning the pages to continue on with the chapter. In the background you could hear the tools clinking around, along with a few curses that fell from his lips when he couldn’t get something just right. Every once and a while you couldn’t help but look up and stare at him for a few seconds, knowing the real reason you came out here to keep him company while he worked.

Over the past twelve, long years you had known Daryl, you still didn’t exactly know what you were to each other. Some would call the two of you friends, and though that may be true, you always knew there was something a little more there than what meets the eye. And you knew he felt it too, but neither of you were willing to admit that out loud. Too hardheaded, you supposed.

It always caught your attention when he left a few lingering touches on your skin, how he embraced you so dearly as if you were the most important person in the world, or even how he occasionally left a small kiss on your forehead. You couldn’t help but think he did all of these things for a reason, as if to ease you into something that he was always terrified of. And hell, maybe he was easing himself into it too.

You always knew he was never much of a romantic person, he never quite showed interest in anyone else the way he always did with you. Though when he finally did open his heart up to a woman named Leah all those many years ago, he got absolutely crushed in the process, leaving you heartbroken for him as you witnessed him go through it all. In the back of your mind, you hoped it would work out between the two of them because you knew he deserved someone that would treat him right. And though that person may not have been you, it didn’t matter, as long as he was happy. That’s all you had ever wanted for him.

However, you couldn’t help but notice ever since he got hurt, he had been slowly pulling away from you. Not in a way that was drastic, but you always seemed to notice the little things. He had completely stopped showing you affection whatsoever which was very out of character for him considering how close you were. All of the little things he used to do that would make you smile, he had brought to a halt without warning. The only thing that he really did now was just a small squeeze on your shoulder, and that’s only if you were lucky.

It frustrated you slightly, not because of his sudden wall he built up, but because subconsciously he thought you would hurt him the same way she did. He was now scared that the same thing would happen all over again. And it bothered you in a way he could never understand. Because after all you had been through together, he still didn’t seem to know you at all.

“Pass me that screwdriver, will ya?”

Your thoughts cut short when he started to speak, absentmindedly nodding your head as you turned towards the toolbox that was placed right next to you. You dug through them for a moment before you spotted the familiar red handle, grabbing it and stretching your arm out to hand it over to him.

He met your hand halfway as he accepted it gratefully, “Thanks.” he muttered with a small smile, the cigarette still dangling from his lips as he spoke.

You nodded before watching him for another moment, tilting your head to the side, “What’re you fixing up anyway?”

He shrugged as his eyes stayed down, “Just some repairs…nothin too fancy.” he spoke, his eyebrows furrowing as he worked.

“Ah.” you muttered with a small nod, going back to your book as you assumed he didn’t want to be bothered while he focused.

Though upon hearing your small mutter, the quietness taking over the space, Daryl subtly looked back up at you for a moment. He knew things had been different, way different than what the two of you were used to, and a part of him felt bad. Mostly because he knew it was his own fault. He had pushed you away when you had done nothing wrong, and he felt guilty for it every single day.

With that in mind, he cleared his throat as he took a puff from his cigarette, “Ya still want me to teach ya?” he asked, his tone growing softer than before.

You glanced up from your book again, seeing the small smile he had on his face as he reminded you of something you had requested a long time ago. You had rode on the back of his motorcycle many times before, but a part of you wanted to learn how to ride all by yourself. And he clearly remembered.

A smile wormed its way onto your face as well as you nodded, “Yeah…yeah I’d like that.”

He nodded in return as he went back to tuning up his bike, “Gotta start ya off slow though. Can’t have ya crashin into some tree the first time ya get on.”

You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself with a roll of your eyes, “Right, we probably wouldn’t want that. But I think I’ll have a pretty good teacher…I’m not too worried.”

His heart swelled, though you couldn’t see, but that comment touched him in a way, “Yeah?” he asked as he looked back up at you.

You nodded again, “I trust you.”

You trusted him. That little comment meant more to him than you could even fathom. It meant that after all the things he had put you through, all the things he regretted, you still loved and trusted him just the same. He couldn’t help but pause for a long moment as he contemplated all of that, how only a few little words could mean the absolute world.

Though when he was lost in his own mind, the cigarette that he now held between his two fingers, slightly burned his skin as some hot ash fell from the tip. He let out a small noise as he shook it off, only now noticing how smokey the space was from how much he was chain smoking with you in the room. He knew you never cared, but a part of him still felt a little bad.

“Sorry.” he muttered as he raised his hand to fan the area a bit, “Didn’t realize how much I hotboxed ya.” he chuckled a little.

You laughed it off as well, waving him off, “You know I don’t mind. Actually I kinda like the smell.”

He raised his eyebrow a bit at the unexpected comment, looking down to the stick in his grasp as he thought about your words for a moment, “Ya never told me that.” he muttered.

You shrugged, “Never really came up I guess. But I don’t know, it’s always kind of been comforting.”

Daryl silently knew what that meant without you even having to explain. And that only made his chest fill with even more warmth than before, knowing he was the reason behind your words. He knew he meant a lot to you, but just hearing you say that his bad habit was somewhat of a comfort to you, it almost made his mindset shift.

You absentmindedly closed your book as you noticed he grew quiet, “You know any cool tricks?” you asked with a smirk.

He huffed quietly with a small smile, wordlessly taking another hit and holding it for a moment before effortlessly blowing it out in small spurts, the smoke forming into little o shapes in the air. You nodded to yourself as you watched him, “Solid.”

He chuckled a little, “Thank you, thank you.” he said as he bowed his head a bit.

Tilting your head a little, you thought to yourself about any more little tidbits he might have experienced, “Have you ever shotgunned it?” 

He raised an eyebrow at you, “Who’s askin?”

“Me.” you smiled sweetly.

He found himself chuckling again, shaking his head as a few memories came to mind, “Uh yeah…yeah I have.” he admitted a bit sheepishly, hoping you wouldn’t ask for any details.

A hum passed through your lips in response, opening your mouth to speak again, though he seemed to beat you to it, “You ever done anything like that?”

You scoffed, “Who’s asking?”

But he didn’t answer you. He only stared at you with the same small smile, however, there seemed to be something a little more behind his eyes. Though you couldn’t tell what that was, it intrigued you slightly. “No…” you answered honestly.

“Ya wanna try?”

It felt like your heart had dropped and settled into your stomach, swearing that you heard him wrong. “You’re not serious.”

But the smile on his face only grew a little, confirming to you just how serious he was as he nodded for you to come closer to him, “Come here.”

In all honesty he didn’t know what he was doing, and seeing the shock on your face only made the small pit in his stomach grow further, though he didn’t show it. He couldn’t really think in that moment at all about how this could be perceived, all he knew was that he wanted to be closer to you. Suddenly having a craving for it, having been without it for far too long.

A few beats of tense silence passed before you finally found the strength to stand to your feet, moving closer towards him as he stood tall as well. You tilted your head back a bit as you looked up at him, standing just a few inches away as you almost waited for him to instruct you on what to do next. Because in all honesty, you didn’t know what you were doing. 

His eyes traced over your face for a moment, almost wanting to ask you to stand a little bit closer to him, but ultimately he refrained. He knew he couldn’t be greedy with you, not when you were already so precious to him. He only held the cigarette out towards you, watching as your delicate hand took it from his grasp, all while never removing your gaze from his.

“Go on and take a long drag.” he instructed, his voice coming off in an anticipating whisper.

You only nodded your head in response, placing the end of it in between your lips as you slowly inhaled all the smoke it had to offer. Daryl couldn’t help but stare down at your lips the entire time, he studied you in the most mesmerizing way it almost caused you to choke on your own spit. Yet you still couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it made you grow a little frustrated all over again.

Your heart then fluttered when the smoke filled your lungs, taking the cigarette away from your mouth as you leaned up on your tiptoes to get closer to him. His hand instinctively came up to cradle your jaw as he pulled you even closer to his lips, feeling them barely brush against each other before the blissful feeling would soon wash over the two of you.

Exhaling the smoke, you blew the thick cloud right into his mouth, hearing a quiet groan leave him in response. It surprised you how good it felt, how your skin practically ignited with fire at his simple sound of enjoyment, it made your mind wander to a very dangerous place. His hand didn’t stray away from your face as he inhaled the smoke until he physically couldn’t anymore, the craving he felt only building to a new level as a part of him wanted to taste you. Just for a moment.

But the thought vanished, everything crashing down in an instant as he felt you pull away from his mouth, clearing your throat a bit. His eyes fluttered open to see you standing there awkwardly, not knowing what to say as the two of you had never dared to cross this line before in the past.

“Well, I guess now I can cross that one off the bucket list.” you joked with a small, forced laugh.

“Do it again.”

Your eyes snapped back up to meet his as he spoke with zero hesitation in his tone, not even acknowledging that you made a comment at all. “What?” you asked quietly.

He took a small breath before speaking again, repeating the phrase, “Do it again.”

If you weren’t stunned before, you sure as hell were now as you stood almost frozen before him. To say it was one thing, but to repeat it with such confidence was another. He was serious. What started out as just a suggestion, now turned into something a lot more real.

But you found you didn’t protest. Because you wanted it too.

You then held the cigarette back up to your lips, inhaling it all over again as you were surprised you didn’t cough even once in the whole process. His eyes practically lit up as he saw you repeat the action, mentally preparing himself for the familiar feeling that would hit him all over again. But the thing he couldn’t get past was that he had never felt it before now. He only felt it with you. And it was very surreal.

Your perfect lips parted from the cigarette after what felt like a lifetime of waiting, moving back up to him to exhale the smoke into his mouth once more. The man breathed it in as if he needed it to stay alive, his hands coming up to your arms to hold you in place as if he was scared you would pull away again. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. Not even if you wanted to. The slightest brush of your lips made your breath hitch, but before you could even register what you were doing, you pressed your lips firmly to his. It almost didn’t feel real.

Daryl responded immediately, instantly bringing you into him as he wrapped his arms around you to hold you closer to his chest. Your hands went up to the sides of his face, tilting your head a bit so your noses wouldn’t clash so much, the kiss intensifying in just a split second. It was like all the years of the built up tension, the built up feelings, were now finally being unleashed after so long of waiting. You supposed before it was never the right time, but now, it couldn’t have felt more perfect.

His tongue moved to run along your lips almost teasingly, begging for an entrance as his hands gripped you even tighter. And you accepted his request, parting your lips for him and feeling his excitement grow as he didn’t take it for granted. His tongue swirled rapidly in your mouth, letting out a groan of pleasure as he tasted your sweetness. You shivered slightly at the low rumble you heard from him, something about it turning you on even more as you had never heard that sound from him before. It was like a switch flipped.

He continued to absolutely devour your mouth, his hands now running down the curves of your body in a slow and teasing manner, taking his time. You gasped softly as you felt your skin almost tingling under his touch, wanting to feel him everywhere. So without thinking, you quickly moved your hands down to his chest as you frantically began to try and tear his shirt off of him. Your fingers worked on each of the buttons, though you couldn’t see what you were doing, it all felt like it was happening so fast you almost had no time to prepare yourself.

But in a fit of panic, Daryl quickly pulled back from your mouth as the feeling of you trying to take off his shirt finally registered in his mind. He still remained close to you, but his sudden actions stopped you from yours, your hands freezing in place as it was clear you had pushed him too far. But your expression was filled with confusion and concern as you couldn’t understand why he looked almost scared to go any further.

He sighed as his eyes remained closed, almost ashamed to look at your face as he gently leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours. “I…I can’t.” he whispered.

Your eyes seemed to widen as it clicked in your mind. He hadn’t done anything like this since Leah. Since he had been burned so badly by her. Since he was left shattered and heartbroken because of what she did to him. He opened up to her unlike anyone else, and she left him. A lump formed in your throat as the realization set in for you, seeing just how scared he was for this to potentially happen to him all over again.

“I can’t do this, I…I can’t lose you too.”

You sighed softly as you shook your head, your hands tilting his face up a little more, “Hey, look at me.” 

He simply shook his head, his eyes remaining closed, “Daryl, look at me.” you pleaded quietly.

When he did finally open his eyes, you could see he was starting to tear up, breaking your heart even further. Not only to see how much he was hurting, but how much he was truly terrified to lose you. Although in your mind, that wasn’t even a possibility.

“You couldn’t lose me, okay? Ever.” you whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. You know me…I would never hurt you like that. Never.”

Upon hearing your voice reassure him so sweetly, his tears slowly slipped down his cheeks, watching as he swallowed thickly to try and pull himself together. But you didn’t want him to be embarrassed. You understood more than he probably realized. Which is why you were quick to wipe them away with your thumbs, leaning up to kiss the ones you had missed in hopes to offer him even more comfort.

He shuttered under your touch, quickly finding your lips with his own again as he kissed you deeply, holding the back of your head steady as his lips were filled with passion. You responded to his kiss with hesitance, not wanting to push him again as you didn’t have a clear response to how he was feeling. But once you felt him take your hands, guiding them back up to the buttons on his shirt, you had your answer.

In a flurry of hurried kisses and laughs, nearly tripping over one another as you tried to make it back inside the house, the two of you finally landed on the couch in the living room. Neither of you really cared about trying to make it all the way upstairs, almost as if it was a silent agreement that you were both impatient. You panted heavily as each piece of fabric was being discarded onto the floor faster than you could even realize, yet his hands moved across your skin with such ease and gentleness. The action alone told you a thousand things, and yet he didn’t need to say a word.

You quickly lowered yourself to your knees the second you saw the opportunity, getting in between his legs as he sat on the couch. His eyes widened at your actions, “Aye, you don’t gotta-”

But his words were cut off with a groan as you lowered your mouth to the tip of his dick, darting your tongue out to slowly swirl around and tease him the smallest bit. You knew you didn’t have to, but you wanted him to feel special for once, you wanted him to feel important and loved. And besides, you just couldn’t help yourself as your mouth practically watered at the sight. And the small noises he was letting out as you licked sensually along his shaft, was almost like a reward of some kind.

He threw his head back slightly as his hands went up to hold your hair back for you, feeling you teasingly lower your lips just a little at a time to take more of him in your mouth. It was almost like torture with how slow you were going, but it was also the most enjoyable torture he could even endure. His muscles twitched in anticipation and he was already beginning to sweat, clenching his teeth together all the while.

“Come on,” he muttered breathlessly, talking more to himself than he was to you.

But you still took it as a sign, seeing he had enough and finally lowered your mouth even more to take him further. A shaky moan left his parted lips at your actions, hissing slightly when he felt your teeth barely brushing against him as well, though it wasn’t enough to hurt. Just enough to get his attention. You then began slowly bobbing your head up and down the length of him, swirling your tongue and hollowing out your cheeks to really make him squirm. His hands tightened around your hair in response, another low groan echoing around the room as he basked in the state of pleasure you provided.

His breathing grew heavier and heavier by the second, growing even more sensitive to you as your pace began to gradually pick up, trying to take even more of him in your mouth. You couldn’t lie though, he was bigger than what you had experienced in the past, which made you almost nervous. But hearing what you were doing to him so far, it gave you the right motivation you needed to keep going.

“F-Fuck.” he breathed as the tip of his dick hit the back of your throat, feeling your hands running up and down his thighs as you tried not to gag. Though he felt you struggle a bit, pulling your hair up slightly as if signaling you that you could ease up if you needed, but you didn’t. He felt too good in your mouth for you to want to stop.

Your head then moved a bit faster, taking him as deep as you could as you heard his whimpers and moans, not even trying to hold them back anymore. He wanted to make it known how good you were making him feel, just the sound of it was enough to make you wet, and he hadn’t even touched you yet. Your spit soaked him completely, making it almost easier to take him entirely in your mouth as you felt him hit the back of your throat almost every time with each pass.

His breath hitched, “Oh shit,” he muttered as he tried to regulate his breathing, “Ya need to get up here…come on.” he almost pleaded.

And you didn’t need to be told twice, feeling how hard he was now he was nearly throbbing in your mouth, knowing he was close to falling apart. So your lips slowly parted from his aching dick, leaving a few lingering kisses behind before you slowly stood back up to your feet with a smile. Looking at his face now, he gazed at you as if you put all the stars in the sky, as if you painted him the most beautiful sunset you could’ve ever laid your eyes on. Or as if you had given him the best head of his life.

He watched as you wiped your mouth from the spit that nearly dribbled down your chin, quickly reaching forward to pull you in and crash his mouth against yours, licking your lips completely clean. You giggled in response to his eagerness, attempting to remove your thong as it was the last thing in the way, struggling to kick it off your ankles. Though the moment it hit the ground, you instantly moved forward and broke away from his mouth for only a moment, straddling his hips as you hovered on top of him.

The man nearly gawked at the sight of you, “God…” he muttered as if he couldn’t find the words. But you knew what he was getting at, knowing that his actions always spoke louder than his words ever could. And he only proved that further when he lowered his mouth to one of your breasts, sucking gently at your nipple to elicit a small whimper from you.

You could feel his lip curl up in response to your little noises, his hand coming up to gently massage the other with his rough fingers. The scratchiness of his calloused palms made it even better somehow, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine as you lowered yourself a little more onto him in response. He hummed at your actions, encouraging you to continue as his mouth worked wildly along your breast.

One of your hands then moved down to gently guide his tip towards you, running it up and down your slit to gather the wetness that pooled there. Your chest heaved up and down as you were almost overwhelmed with the tingles running through your entire body, nearly causing you to shake. 

Daryl’s mouth then dragged all across your skin, leaving a small trail of small hickies along your chest, groaning as you continued to play with him a little. Your other hand came up to run through his hair, tilting your head back a little as you dragged his dick up to circle around your pulsing clit. That seemed to cause you both to gasp, the slow and tormenting teasing beginning to be too much as Daryl quickly removed his mouth from you, his hands moving to your hips as if to position you in the most perfect way he could.

You followed his lead as your hands moved up to his shoulders to steady yourself, feeling him move his dick down to your entrance to align himself with you. And when you finally sunk down onto him, it felt like absolute heaven. A long, slow moan left your lips as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, hearing a harsh grunt escape him as he tried to refrain from pounding into you. He knew he needed to take his time, wanting to draw this out for as long as he could as if it were the first and last time. He hoped for more, he prayed for more, but he knew it was never guaranteed.

His forehead fell to rest in the middle of your chest as the two of you basked in the pure errotic experience, slowly managing to move your hips once you were ready. It was slow at first, gradually easing into it as you lowered yourself back down onto him again and again, your hands moving to grip the back of his hair. He groaned as he felt you tug a little at his roots, but in all honesty, he didn’t care. In fact, he liked it.

You moaned softly as you rocked your hips against his, pulling almost all the way off of him before he filled you completely once more. What you were feeling was almost indescribable, not having felt it with any other man you had been intimate with in your entire life. But with him, it felt so different, so incredibly good. Like his body was made for yours, fitting together perfectly like a puzzle piece you had been missing for far too long. And you weren’t the only one feeling like that, with him squirming beneath you, it was just a sign to not stop your movements anytime soon.

You bounced on him at a steady pace as you balanced yourself, feeling his hand travel down to rub slow circles along your clit with his thumb. You nearly cried out in response, your heart racing out of your chest, “Oh fuck…yes.” you breathed as his pace quickened.

“Yeah? Ya like that?” he asked as his face moved close to whisper in your ear, feeling his teeth gently bite down on your earlobe.

Your mouth fell open in response as you gasped, nodding your head frantically, “Yes…yes.” you moaned as you continued to rock against him, feeling your wetness drip all over him with how aroused you were.

“Mmm,” he hummed his mouth traveling down to kiss along your jawline, “You’re doin so good sweetheart.” he breathed as he held back a groan, “So good.”

His praise only spurred you on more, your fingers tugging a bit harder at his hair which caused him to groan, thrusting his hips up into you to match your pace. The sinful sounds that escaped you should never be heard by anyone, you couldn’t even believe you were the one making them. But he was the one to cause all those little reactions, adding something more to push you over the edge. And it was working too, you had felt it ever since you were down on your knees in front of him. The familiar tingling in your stomach was building to the point where it could spill over at any moment.

He panted heavily as he began to suck on the base of your neck, “I love you…God, I love you.” he whispered.

The words threw you off guard for a moment as your eyes widened, but you didn’t stop, nor were you scared to say it back. “I love you too.” you responded breathlessly.

That phrase had gone unspoken between the two of you for years, constantly avoiding saying it to each other for no reason at all. Perhaps it was stubbornness, or just the fear of the feelings not being reciprocated. But for whatever reason, this moment alone brought it out to the open. And it couldn’t have felt better.

Daryl thrusted deeper into you upon hearing your response, causing you to gasp as you felt the string finally snap inside you, releasing your orgasm as your muscles twitched. Feeling you squeezing him, he cursed as he quickly pulled himself out of you in one swift motion, cumming all over your stomach. You could’ve sworn your vision went black for a moment as you slowly came down from your blissful high, not a word being said for a few minutes at least as you both tried to regain yourselves. 

His head rested against your chest again, his lips beginning to leave a trail of kisses up your skin as your eyes were still hazy, leading them up to your neck where he nuzzled his face, pulling you close to his chest. You hummed in response, running your fingers through his hair as you thought to yourself for a moment, finally finding the strength to speak.

“Did you…really mean that?” you whispered hesitantly.

He pulled his face back to look at you, his head still too far up in the clouds that he clearly didn’t hear you. The big grin on his face was evidence of that. “Hm?”

You huffed with a small smile, “The whole…I love you thing…did you really mean it? Or was it like the heat of the moment.”

His brows furrowed in concern as he gently cupped the sides of your face, “Of course I meant it. I love you.” he repeated again, as if to make sure you really heard him.

You smiled in slight relief, “Did you mean it?” he asked with a smirk.

“Yes.” you said with a breathy laugh, “I just…wanted to make sure.”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, darlin,” he said as he leaned in to rub his nose against yours lovingly, “I’ve always loved ya…my dumbass just took too long to admit it.”

You shook your head in response, “It’s okay. I understand why.”

He sighed quietly as he thought about how much he may have missed out on, how much went down the drain just because he was scared. Not only to have his heartbroken, but to potentially lose one of his best friends if you didn’t feel the same way he did. There was always a risk, but he let the fear consume him, and now he was kicking himself for it seeing how easy it was to be with you. He should’ve always known, and now he felt he was too late.

You quickly noticed his change in his expression and gently tilted his chin up so he’d look at you, “Hey…what’s wrong?”

He shook his head, “M’ just…m’ sorry.”

“For what?” you asked in confusion.

“For not actin on this years ago. For pushin ya away when I was hurtin just because I was nervous about it happenin all over again.” he stopped suddenly to gather his thoughts, “I just feel like I wasted so much time.” he finished with a whisper.

Your face was filled with worry about hearing him apologize for something that he had nothing to be sorry for. It hurt you seeing how much this was affecting him, knowing that the two of you should be happy that it finally happened. Not wanting to dwell on the past.

You leaned in to gently kiss his lips for a moment, pulling away enough to speak, “Well, it’s a good thing we got all the time in the world now.” you smiled.

His eyes slowly filled with a little more hope, “You mean…”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I love you.” 

He let out a small breath he was unaware he was holding, pulling you close to press multiple kisses all over your face, “I love you too.” he whispered, continuing to trace his lips wherever he could reach, igniting an infectious laugh from you.

It seemed his prayers were answered. 

~ Thanks for reading!

[repulsiveliquidation]

Thorn in My Side || Jessie Fleming

warnings : mentions of injury and surgeries. insinuations of cheating and false accusations. angst. happy ending and smut will be in part two.

summary : you get injured, its Jessie's fault. or so you thought.

a/n : as i type this, i think i've figured out how to incorporate the smut! i'll get to writing as soon as this is posted! i'm not sure if it makes much sense, here's to hoping. enjoy.

“for your UCLA Bruins, number 21, Jessie Fleming!”

Jessie steps forward and smiles, waving to the flood of Bruins fans in the stands cheering them on. You clap with a scowl on your face, watching as the girls in the stands ogle and fawn over her. You’re admittedly jealous of her for reasons unbeknownst to you, but seeing the 5’5’ Canadian made your blood boil.

She was good on the football pitch and was smart to go along with it. Jessie had it all. Being called up for most of her time in school and playing for her national team made her well-known in the soccer world from the moment she was here in America.

She was ferocious on the grass, a fearless midfielder who put everything out there.

The game was a close one, tied at the half 2-2. There were lots of contact, tackles, and battles that made it clear to anyone watching that there was tension between you and Jessie. One always found the other; if one had the ball, the other wanted it.

You had possession, running towards goal. There was a flash of blue and you were on the ground yelling in pain, hands clutching at your ankle. There was a loud pop and your ankle began to swell. The trainers came over and were hauling you off on a stretcher almost immediately, the ref showing Jessie a yellow for the unsafe tackle. It wasn’t a red card because really you fell a little weird and her studs were nowhere near your ankle.

She looked genuinely sorry, taking your hand in hers as you were stretchered off. You were in too much pain to care, shoving her hand out of yours and your teammates pulling her away from you.

A broken ankle was what they said. It was a clean break but you needed surgery and that meant no more soccer for the season.

Just great.

They put you in a wheelchair before you head to the hospital, your parents are already at the stadium to take you. You hear the final whistle blow and your teammate rolls you in, the girls all feeling sad when you tell them the news. There’s a little Bruins blue in the sea of Trojans in front of you and there’s a Canadian standing there digging her cleat into the grass, wanting to apologize.

Megan and Kasey stand beside you just in case things get a little heated. Jessie steps forward and looks more sorry for you when she sees the bandages and you in a wheelchair.

“Is it broken?” she asks genuinely, looking at your leg and then at you.

“No thanks to you,” you snide, rolling your eyes at her. “What do you want now, Fleming?”

“I wanted to apologize, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she says sincerely but you’re too bitter to hear her take ownership of her actions.

“You knew what you were doing, Fleming. You’ve always been out to get me our entire college career and now in our final year you finally get what you want!”

You don’t know the tears were starting until they did, pouring down your face hot and fast. She looked a little mortified and pale, backing away and saying she was sorry over and over before a sea of Bruins pulled her away to celebrate their win.

The whole car ride to the hospital you spent weeping, thinking about how you’re not going to be able to play your senior year out like you had hoped. But more so of the look of pure horror on Jessie’s face when you accused her of hating you so much that she would purposely hurt you.

She looked on the verge of tears. Like hurting you scared her.  

You scared her.

||

“The break is clean, but rehab will take a while if you’re not careful,” said Dr. Jeff, the attending podiatrist.

“How long?”

“You’re looking at 14 to 16 weeks, kiddo. Two years if you’re stubborn like most of my patients are.”

“16 weeks sounds great.”

“Smart kid you got here,” the doctor tells your parents with a smile, “I’ll schedule you in for surgery today, you should be out of here by the end of the week.”

The doctor leaves and your mother begins to fuss, propping up pillows and getting your nurse to bring you more jello. Your father, on the other hand, has a look of all-knowing on his face.

“I’m sorry Dad,” you begin, head hanging low the moment your mother leaves the room.

“Don’t be sorry, peanut. These things happen. Better now than when you’re on a professional team, yeah?”

“She didn’t really make me break my ankle did she?” you ask, looking up at your dad who was rubbing your back as the tears filled your eyes again.

“It was the perfect tackle, kiddo. You just fell a little funny is all.”

“She looked so horrified when I said she did it on purpose,” you sob, leaning into your father’s stomach. He held you tight and cradled your head, your heart hurting more than your broken ankle, the face Jessie made when the words left your mouth etched behind your eyelids.

||

There are plenty of flowers in your room the moment you wake from surgery. Lots of cards and get well soon balloons hung from the ceiling. You were still groggy when your teammates visited, Megan was sure to bring lots of Sharpies to sign your cast with, all the girls leaving a nice note for you on it.

There was an hour left for visitations and your parents just left to wash up at home. You were mindlessly scrolling through the terrible TV channel selections while finishing your 5th Jello cup when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” you yell, thinking it was a nurse coming to check your vitals again. What you didn’t expect was to see a brunette Canadian poking her head through the door.

“Hi,” she said sheepishly, standing by the door unsure if you really would want her to come in.

“What are you doing here?” you ask as kindly as possible, eyes flickering towards the clock above the door, “it’s late, why aren’t you back at school?”

“Spring Break, my parents are down from Canada so I asked to see you before we drove back,” she says quietly, stepping in a little more. “Can I come in?”

You nod, unsure if your mouth would be polite enough. Anger still seethed in your bones but the look of sheer horror on her face was still fresh in your mind.

“How bad was it?” she begins, still standing near the now-closed door.

“Clean break, should take 16 weeks if I’m careful.”

“That’s good. The doctors here are great.”

“They are quite convincing, they know how to get a patient to stay on their medical plan.”

“Did you get Dr. Jeff?”

“He accused me of being stubborn.”

Jessie laughs and you smile, a light blush creeping up your cheeks. It’s an adorable sound and her face of laughter replaces the one of fear you had burned into your mind.

“I’m really sorry for all this,” she begins but you cut her off.

“It wasn’t your fault, my dad said it was a clean tackle. I just fell funny.”

You looked up at her and saw the relief on her face and she stepped forward, taking your hand in hers. You took a deep breath and reciprocated her ownership of her mistakes, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders the moment you looked her in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said the other day Jessie, that was not fair to you.”

“Heat of the moment love, don’t worry about it.”

Your heart clenches hard when the pet name slips out of her lips and you smile, hoping she didn’t see your eyes dilate and feel your skin warm up. She nods and bids goodbye just as her phone rings which tells you her parents are waiting outside.

You sit there giddy and a little starstruck as she disappears out of view. Your hand is warm from her touch and you can still feel her hand holding yours. You thump your head back and curse loudly, before grabbing your leg in pain temporarily forgetting that you were actually hurt.

You giggle and bite your lip, shaking your head when your phone dings.

Maybe: Jessie Fleming.

“You look cute when you’re flustered.”

You clap a hand to your mouth and smile, face heating up with a dark blush.

“You did this, you better fix it.”

“I think we can make that happen, love.”

You don’t think you slept much that night, texting till the sun came up. Your parents came in to check on you in the morning and found you with your phone still on call with Jessie but you two were asleep. You woke up to your doctors talking to your parents and discussing your rehab plan. There was another text from Jessie, making your heart skip a beat.

“You’re also very cute when you’re sleeping.”

Over the next few weeks, you two talked constantly. Jessie kept you company when you were bored at rehab and you kept her company while she was training on her own. You called her every night before bed, giggling and laughing well into the night most nights.

“How is rehab coming along?” Jessie asked as you were lying back on the examination table to relax your ankle. She was in her bed, looking as stunning as you had been denying yourself the chance to admit.

“Good, looks like I can put pressure on it by next week if Tiff lets me,” you say, side-eyeing your trainer Tiffany who was doing cupping on another teammate’s back.  

“Girl, I will hold your papers hostage, don’t test me,” Tiffany jokes, waving the lit fire stick at you.

“Yes ma’am I’ll be super-duper extra careful!” you answer with a salute, making Jessie laugh so loud it rings through the room. Most of your teammates know the thing you’ve got going with her and think it’s cute.

All but one.  

Megan.

She stood at the door listening to you ramble on about Jessie this and Jessie that, her blood boiling at the thought of you being buddy-buddy with the girl she believed to be the one who hurt you.

Megan was a freshman who was from Florida. She was a great pick from her high school team, and the best defender on the East Coast. She made the team here at USC and to say the least, she fit right in.

There was homogeny that wasn’t there before she joined and the linkup between you and her helped you take her under your wing. She looked up to you and was so ecstatic to play with you after watching you on TV.

She felt that Jessie took away her only chance to play with you before you graduated.

Jessie needed to pay.

“Hey, weird question,” Jessie starts, one night while you two were tucked in bed and on the phone with each other.

“Yeah?” you ask, turning over onto your side. Jessie looked a little concerned but you shrugged it off, the girl was known to constantly look worried.

“Someone sent me this photo but it’s from an unknown number, I thought it was weird.”

Sent.

You looked at it in shock.

It was you. Kissing a girl on the basketball team.

“Jess this isn’t me.”

“I’m not blind you know, that’s you.”

“Jessie, I swear this was doctored! I’ve never talked to this girl, let alone fucking kissed her!”

“Then why did the fucking photo come with a text that said, “She’s not who you think she is,”?”

“I don’t know! No one else but the girls know about you and me! I promise Jessie please!”

“I need some time to think. Leave me alone.”

She hangs up.

The tears fill your eyes as you stare at this photo. You don’t even think you’ve crossed paths with this girl, having not been the biggest fan of basketball. But your face was clearly there and hers was too. Her lips were on yours and you looked like you were enjoying yourself.

You think and you think hard. You didn’t go to any parties lately with your leg and you haven’t been to any games of theirs. You stared at the photo for hours, wracking your brain for some kind of explanation.

An explanation as to why Jessie looked so hurt at the thought of you with someone else.

[gguk-n]

Chapter 3- Heartfelt confession

Accelerating Emotions (Oscar Piastri x Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Oscar decides he wants to spend time with Y/N. The more time he spends, the more his feelings solidify. He likes her a lot. He just hopes she likes him too.

Lando was the happiest person when summer break began since he would no longer have to hear his teammate pine over his best friend's sister. Oscar was a quite and stoic man and nothing could elicit a response from him except Y/N. Even the thought of her getting hurt would make Oscar worry to no end; so he would resort to stealthy pestering Ansel while away for races on what was going on with his sister who honestly was of no help since he lived in another city. So, Oscar now depended on his mother and he would be lucky to catch glimpses of Y/N behind his mom on rare occasions. Nicole was happy her son was calling way more often then usual and she wasn't about to complain. Oscar had ulterior motives and would ask about everyone in hopes of finding out what Y/N was up too. He was sure his sisters could take care of themselves.

Summer break couldn't come any sooner for Oscar either. Oscar was back in Australia enjoying the cooler weather especially after he found out Y/N would also have July off from school when he over heard his mother talking to Y/N about her plans for July. Even Oscar wasn't sure if he ever booked plane tickets any faster than he did in that moment. Oscar decided to 'surprise' his family or another way to talk to Y/N. He texted her asking her to pick her up from the airport since he wanted to surprise everyone. That's how Y/N found herself awake at the crack ass of dawn since Oscar doesn't seem to understand timezones or so it seems and was landing in Melbourne at 5 am. Y/N would rather be asleep on the rare few days she got off from school without having to plan for the next year or make up a teaching plan for the next week. But here she was driving to the airport with the largest coffee mug she could find and a hoodie with Oscar's number on it. It was the warmest hoodie she owned and she had forgotten it was Oscar merchandise that she had stolen from her sibling.

Oscar was stood at the airport arrival terminal when Y/N drove her car to him. She rolled the window down, "You should be grateful I've known you for years because I was ready to leave you stranded at the airport when my alarm rang" she called out and popped her trunk open. Oscar placed his bags in and climbed into the passenger seat. "Thanks for picking me up" Oscar said. "I love you guys too much to explain to Nicole how I lost her son" Y/N replied after taking a sip of her once hot coffee. Oscar didn't really hear anything after 'i love you' honestly you wouldn't either if your crush directed those 3 words at you in any context. He gathered himself, "Take me to your place" Oscar asked rather commanded but who's asking. "What? Why?" Y/N asked now fully looking at Oscar who's eyes had travelled down to the hoodie Y/N was wearing and you could clearly see OP81 plastered all over it if you looked carefully enough since the hoodie looked like it was Y/N's favourite in her collection of clothes. "You're wearing my hoodie" Oscar pointed out. "What? This is my hoodie" she corrected. "It has my name and number on it" he corrected. And for the first time since she woke up she looked at herself and realised that she left the house in the hoodie she slept in which just happened to be Oscar's merchandise. "You support my merchandise" Oscar gleamed. "Ansel bought it, I stole it from him" she commented. Nothing was dimming Oscar's shine. He was just winning, in his eyes, since he landed.

"Why do you wanna come to my place?" she asked getting back to the topic. "I'm planning a surprise and I need to look prepared for it" he said while stealing glances at Y/N in his hoodie. "Since when do you plan surprises?" she asked. Oscar just shrugged and they drove to her apartment. Y/N helped Oscar grab his stuff from the trunk and brought him to her flat. The house was a mess but Oscar had seen worse. "There's coffee in the kitchen. The bathroom's that way. The guest bedroom is to your left. If you need anything, I'll be asleep in my room that's in front of you." she pointed around. "Are you going back to sleep?" Oscar asked with his puppy eyes. "I was going too, but you look like you want something. So spill" she stated. "Can we have breakfast together? I miss your pancakes, like the Japanese style one's you tried to make" Oscar pouted. "Those abominations can't be called pancakes. Now, I do make a really good pancake. So, for the flattery I will fulfill your wish" she offered.

Oscar got changed from the jeans he was wearing to a sweatshirt and joggers. Y/N had ditched the OP81 hoodie much to Oscar's dismay to wear another sweatshirt and joggers. He was hovering around her as she tried to make the pancakes, making her snap. "Okay, Osc, sweetheart, can you stop moving around so much. I can't work when people are in my space." she reprimanded him in the nicest way possible. Oscar took his place on the breakfast bar like a child that had been told off. Y/N served the pancakes with fresh fruits and maple syrup. "I didn't think those pancakes could get any better" Oscar moaned after taking one bite. Y/N smiled at him, "You flatter me" she smiled back. "Can you help me decide how to surprise my family?" Oscar asked. "I knew those weren't empty praises" she laughed.

Y/N was sat thinking while munching on her pancakes all the while Oscar would steal glances at her. "You should turn up to the house with flowers. I think they would like that" Y/N said after much deliberation on her part. "That doesn't sound grand" Oscar pointed out. "They are your family. IDK how to make it grand" she retorted. "Maybe you should take your time. It's like you want to get rid of me as soon as possible" Oscar pouted. This boy needs to stop pouting because for some reason his puppy eyes are working on her and she doesn't know how to get out of here, she thought. "Oscar, baby, I have holidays for the next few days before school and I would like to do stuff I can't when I'm busy" she said. Oscar lost his train of thought when she called him baby. "We can do stuff together" Oscar stammered, "As a thank you for helping me surprise my family" he finished. Y/N wasn't winning today, or ever again with Oscar for that matter. "Please" Oscar begged now holding on to both of her hands. Y/N for the first time since he became friend's with her brother looked at him, like really looked at him, his chocolate brown eyes or his cute little freckles that littered his face or the moles that were splattered across his face and neck; this stay wasn't going to end well for her she thought. She couldn't think straight when his warm hands were holding her's like they were the most fragile thing. She just nodded to him, pulling her hands away with a slight blush that was starting to form on her cheeks to put the dishes away.

Y/N and Oscar were sat on the sofa while Y/N was flipping through movies to watch on Netflix. "I thought you were sleepy" Oscar voiced. "I'm not anymore, someone wanted to have pancakes" she chided. Oscar just smiled and he looked like the cutest cat making her smile. She realised what she was doing so she quickly handed the remote to Oscar, "Watch whatever you want, I'm gonna get some stuff done around the house" she said walking to her room. Oscar switched the TV off and followed her into her room. "I can help" he offered, making Y/N jump. "Oscar, you scared me" she said. "Sorry" he apologised with a small smile. "You should get some sleep, you must be jet lagged. I'll wake you up for lunch" she said now pushing Oscar towards the guest room. "Try to get some sleep" she reiterated, closing the door behind her. That's how Oscar found himself lying on the bed while staring at the ceiling, imagining what it would be like to enjoy domestic bliss with her.

At some point in his daydreaming, Oscar fell asleep and only woke up at around 5 pm. He stumbled out of the room to a much cleaner flat and Y/N making dinner. "You're up" she said. "You didn't wake me up" he asked. "You looked so cute sleeping, I couldn't" she cooed. She thought I was cute, Oscar thought. "Cute in a OMG!! baby is cute way or cute in a damn that boy cute way" he asked. "Who's teaching you this stuff?" she laughed. Oscar just shrugged; "Obviously, OMG!! baby is cute way" she laughed. Oscar's shoulders seem to fall. "Dinner's almost done" she said getting ready to serve the food. Y/N and Oscar sat on the table with their plate of food. Oscar was playing around with his food; "Is it not good?" she asked. "No, no it's delicious." he replied. "But you haven't touched your plate" she pointed out. "I...do you still see me as the kid that your brother befriended?" Oscar mumbled. "Oscar, you are the kid my brother befriended" she highlighted. "But, do you see me as you know, someone who is older and more mature?" he questioned. "You are older now Oscar, and more mature too. You drive a Formula One car now, you have a life and career and we are all so proud of you." she said. Oscar hummed, "Are you proud of me?" he asked. "So proud. If you are worried about the season, it's your first season. You'll get better with time. The cars getting used to you, you're getting used to it. I'm sure next year will be the best ever. Mark my words" she reassured. Y/N thought Oscar was having anxiety with his career when he asked her that, but that was far from the truth.

"I know how to surprise everyone" she announced after dinner. "How?" Oscar asked. "We could throw a party at my place and then invite everyone. I think Ansel's visiting soon too. And surprise, you're here." she explained. "When will we do that?" Oscar asked. "Ansel is coming in 2 days, on Friday night we can have everyone come in. I'll send out the invites and you can greet everyone once they come in. I think they'll love it" she elaborated further. Oscar liked that he could stay here for a couple more days. "You're gonna have to help me" she said. "I will" Oscar agreed.

The next few days were spent cleaning the place, planning a menu out for the dinner, wrapping up the presents Oscar got everyone. They sent out the invites and everyone agreed to meet her at 7 pm on Friday. The two of them spent all of Friday decorating the place. You would find the two laughing along or having fun through out the whole planning. Oscar hoped that she would see him as more than just a kid. The time they spent together was precious for Oscar. He had bought her a necklace which he asked her to wear on Friday. "Oscar, this is beautiful. But it must be expensive" she said handing it back. "You should wear it today" he said placing it in her hands once again. "I can't take this. It looks so expensive" she mentioned admiring the necklace. "Please, it took me forever to pick out" Oscar begged. Y/N conceded.

They got dressed for the party. Y/N was wearing a navy blue midi dress, to highlight the necklace. She was struggling to zip up her dress which Oscar saw when he came to check up on Y/N. He quietly walked in and zipped up the dress; "Let me" he said. "Thanks" she whispered, her breath stuck in her throat as she felt his finger hover over her lower back. Before she could take the necklace out of the box, Oscar beat her to it, moving her hair aside, his fingers brushed past the small exposed area on her neck, bringing the necklace around and hooking it up. "Done" he mentioned. Y/N was looking at herself in the mirror with Oscar standing behind her, a small smile on his face. She turned around, "how does it look?" she asked. "Gorgeous" Oscar replied. Y/N was blushing and for the first time Oscar saw it. He felt his chest swell up at the thought of making her blush.

Everyone showed up almost at the same time, Oscar was waiting for everyone in the living room. The house was a bit cramped with everyone present but the laughter that could be heard echoing through the house was well worth it. Nicole almost cried when she saw her son and Chris gave him the biggest hug. Both of Y/N's parents hugged and greeted Oscar like their own son was visiting. Oscar brought out all the presents he had bought and you could hear everyone chatting away about the presents while Ansel and Oscar stood a little further away from the group; "You didn't even tell me" Ansel said skeptically. "It was supposed to be a surprise" Oscar reasoned. "Sure" Ansel replied sounding not so sure of Oscar's answer. "Don't you like the present I got you" Oscar quizzed. "Yeah yeah, I know you're trying to bribe me. Just don't take too long." Ansel said. "What do you mean by that?" Oscar asked and Ansel just shrugged his shoulders while walking away to help his sister set up the dinner.

Everyone had taken a plate and were sat where ever they could find a place. Y/N was playing with her necklace every chance she got; "Where did you get the necklace from? It is beautiful" Y/N's mother asked her. "You should ask Oscar, he got it for me" she replied after quickly swallowing the food in her mouth. "Now did he" Oscar's mother asked looking at him. "I just saw it while passing and got it" Oscar dismissed everyone. Lando will tell you, and I quote, "He sent me links to multiple luxury brand's necklaces which he vetoed within minutes of staring at them since they weren't good enough for his Y/N. Then he started dragging me around to a new shop in every city we visited and made the employee of the shop show him their entire inventory. It took him months to decide on the damn necklace. I thought I would have to get some one to craft him one" end quote. But Lando wasn't here and no one was about to know.

Oscar offered to stay back after the party even though Y/N insisted that he leave with his family. "I'm the one that wanted to surprise them. I should help you clean up." he stated. "The party was my idea" she retorted. "Let him help you Y/N. Come home early tomorrow Oscar" his father called out as everyone filed out. "Good luck" Ansel and Aldric called out simultaneously as they bid them good bye.

The house wasn't as destroyed and they were done with cleaning the place up in a few hours. It was almost 2 AM when Oscar finally sat, sprawled out on the sofa. Y/N was putting the last of the dishes away. She walked towards the sofa when her toe got caught on the mat on the floor and she extended her arms to brace herself from the fall. Oscar with his quick reflexes caught hold of her extended arms, stopping her mid-way. "You haven't outgrown your clumsiness" Oscar stated, his face inches away from hers. "I have" she whispered. "What would you do if I wasn't there to save you?" Oscar asked now pushing her back on her feet and placing her arms on her side. "I'm perfectly capable of saving myself" she retorted. "Never said you weren't. But I wouldn't mind being there for you" he retorted back. "Why would you be there for me?" she asked. "Because I like you" he said. There he said it, the words that he wanted to say for years. "Oscar" she began, this didn't sound good to Oscar. "You're my brother's best friend. I can't" she began. "But you would if I wasn't" he interrupted. "No, I wouldn't. You're younger than me" she said. "By a year, it doesn't even matter honestly" Oscar reasoned. "You probably feel this way since we've been spending a lot of time together lately" she said. "I've felt this way for years. Don't demean my feelings for you, Y/N. Do you know what you do to me?" he asked. "Oscar, you're ugh...you're you and it would never work out" she said. "You've thought about me" Oscar asked hopefully. "That's not the point" she said. "It is" Oscar pointed out. "I like you Y/N, I have for as long as I've known you. This isn't some silly crush I had when I was 12 or because of the close proximity. You make my heart beat fast and my tongue doesn't know how to speak around you. I've repressed my feelings for you for far too long. I just don't know if I've ever felt this way about anyone." Oscar said. "Oscar, you're" she began but was cut off; "I'm not acting impulsively. Take your time. I'm here for a couple more weeks. I'll leave tomorrow morning but I'll be at my house. Just think about it. Think about us, think about me. For Once" Oscar begged walking towards the guest room. While Y/N was stood there shocked, in her living room.

[a-lexia11]

New Beginning

Alessia Russo x reader

Leah Williamson x reader (past)

Word count:2.9k

Summary: After Leah breaks up with you, you and your teammate and close friend, Alessia, confess your feelings for each other.

Based on this request

Note: Okay, I wasn’t planning on posting this today, but Arsenal’s 6-0 win really moved me, so here’s a little fic for you.

The sun was setting as I made my way home after another grueling training session. The late autumn air was crisp, the sky a soft gradient of pink and orange.

Normally, this would be my favorite time of day—the perfect moment to unwind with Leah after practice, laughing about our day and making dinner together.

But tonight was different. Tonight, there was a heaviness in the air, a tension that had been growing between us for weeks.

I walked into our shared flat, the familiar scent of Leah's lavender candles filling the space.

She was sitting on the couch, her posture tense, eyes distant. I knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth.

“Y/N, we need to talk” she said, her voice quiet, almost hesitant.

My heart sank, but I forced myself to stay calm. “What’s going on, Leah?”

She took a deep breath, avoiding my gaze.

“I've been thinking... a lot. And I think... I think we need to break up.”

Her words hit me like a freight train. I stared at her, stunned, unable to process what she was saying. “What? Why? Where is this coming from?”

Leah finally met my eyes, and I could see the conflict there. She wasn’t doing this lightly. “I love you, Y/N. I really do. But I feel like… like I need to figure out who I am outside of this relationship. I need to see other people, to explore what else is out there.”

I blinked, trying to wrap my head around her words. “You want to see other people? Leah, we’ve been together for three years. We’ve built a life together. And now you’re telling me you want to throw it all away because you’re curious about what else is out there?”

Her expression softened, and she reached out to take my hand, but I pulled away. “I’m not trying to hurt you” she whispered. “I just… I need to do this for myself.”

The pain in my chest was unbearable, but I tried to keep my voice steady. “What about everything we’ve been through? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Leah looked away, tears welling up in her eyes. “Of course it does. But if I stay… if we stay together, I’ll always wonder what I missed. And that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

I stood there, feeling like my world was crumbling around me. The woman I loved more than anything was slipping away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. “So that’s it then? You’re just… leaving?”

Leah swallowed hard, her voice barely above a whisper. “I think it’s for the best”

The silence that followed was deafening. I didn’t say anything else. I couldn’t. I just turned and walked out of the room, out of our home, needing to escape before the tears started to fall.

——

After the breakup, the days blurred together. I went through the motions—training, matches, pretending everything was fine. But inside, I was a mess.

Seeing Leah every day, pretending we were just teammates and nothing more, was torture.

I needed an escape, someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge me or tell me to just get over it.

That’s when I called Alessia.

Alessia had always been one of my closest friends. We’d known each other for years, and she’d been there for me through thick and thin.

When I told her what happened with Leah, she didn’t hesitate. She invited me over to her place, and from that moment on, she became my lifeline.

“Hey, Y/N, come in,” Alessia said with a warm smile when I showed up at her door. “I’ve already got your favorite wine chilled and pizza on the way.”

I managed a small smile, grateful for her efforts. You know me too well, Less.”

She led me inside, and I collapsed onto her couch, feeling like I could finally breathe for the first time in days.

Alessia sat beside me, handing me a glass of wine and giving me that soft, reassuring look that always made me feel like everything would be okay.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked gently.

I took a sip of wine, the warmth of it helping to ease the knot in my chest. “She said she needed to see other people. That she wasn’t sure who she was outside of us.”

Alessia frowned, her blue eyes full of concern. “That’s… I’m so sorry, Y/N. You don’t deserve that.”

I shrugged, trying to act like it didn’t hurt as much as it did. “I guess she just didn’t love me enough to stay.”

Alessia reached over, taking my hand in hers. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re amazing, Y/N. If she couldn’t see that, then that’s her loss.”

Her words were comforting, but I still felt hollow inside. “I just… I thought we had something real, you know? And now it’s like… like it never mattered.”

“It did matter,” Alessia insisted. “And you’re allowed to grieve that. But you’re also allowed to move on, to find happiness again.”

I looked at her, really looked at her, and for the first time, I noticed something different.

The way her eyes softened when she looked at me, the way her fingers lingered on mine just a little too long.

But I pushed the thought aside. Alessia was my friend. She was just being supportive, nothing more.

——

Over the next few weeks, Alessia became my rock. She invited me to stay at her place whenever I needed to, and we spent countless nights together, just talking or watching TV.

She made me meals, dragged me to the gym to train, and even let me cry on her shoulder when I needed to.

One night, after a particularly tough day at training, we were lying on her couch, cuddled up under a blanket, watching some random movie neither of us was paying attention to.

“Thanks for putting up with me, Less,” I murmured, my head resting on her shoulder.

“Always,” she replied softly, her hand gently running through my hair. “You’re worth it.”

Her words made my heart skip a beat, and I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss her.

To feel her lips on mine, to hold her close in a way that was more than just friendly. But I pushed the thought away again.

Alessia was my best friend, and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin that.

But the feelings wouldn’t go away. I started noticing everything about her—the way her laugh lit up the room, the way she always knew how to make me smile, the way her eyes seemed to sparkle whenever she looked at me.

And I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was falling for her.

One evening, I decided to surprise her with her favorite takeout as a thank you for everything she’d done for me.

But when I got to her place, I hesitated. I could hear her talking on the phone, her voice muffled through the door.

“I don’t know what to do, Ella” she was saying. “I’m so in love with Y/N, but I can’t tell her. She just got out of a relationship, and I don’t want to make things complicated.”

My heart raced as I pressed my ear closer to the door, unable to believe what I was hearing.

“You have to tell her,” Ella replied. “You can’t keep this to yourself forever. It’s hurting you, and it’s not fair to either of you.”

“I know,” Alessia sighed. “But what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if I ruin everything?”

Ella’s voice softened. “You’ll never know unless you try, Less. And who knows? Maybe she feels the same way.”

I backed away from the door, my mind spinning. Alessia… loved me? I couldn’t believe it.

But as I replayed all our moments together in my head, it suddenly made sense. The way she’d been there for me, the way she looked at me, the way she always seemed to know what I needed before I did.

I left quietly, my heart pounding in my chest. I needed time to process this, to figure out what I wanted.

But one thing was clear—I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Alessia felt the same way.

——

A few days later, I finally worked up the courage to talk to her. I invited her over, and when she arrived, I could tell she was nervous.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. “Alessia, I overheard your conversation with Ella the other night.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “You… you heard that?”

I nodded, feeling a mix of anxiety and hope. “Yeah. And I’ve been thinking about it a lot. About us.”

Alessia looked down, her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t want you to find out like that. I just… I didn’t want to complicate things for you.”

I reached out and took her hand, my heart pounding in my chest. “You didn’t complicate anything, Less. If anything, you made things clearer for me.”

Her eyes met mine, searching for any sign of what I was feeling. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… I’ve been falling for you too. Ever since the breakup, I’ve started seeing you in a different light. You’ve been there for me in ways I didn’t even realize I needed. And now, knowing you feel the same way... it just makes everything make sense."

Alessia blinked, clearly stunned by my words. For a moment, she just stared at me, as if trying to process what I’d said.

Then, slowly, her expression softened into something that looked like cautious hope. “You… you really feel that way?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

I nodded, squeezing her hand. “I do. I’ve been so scared of ruining our friendship, but the truth is, I don’t think I can pretend anymore. I don’t want to just be your friend, Alessia. I want more”

Alessia’s breath hitched, and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes.

She pulled me into a tight hug, burying her face in my shoulder. “I’ve wanted this for so long,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “But I was so scared of losing you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” I murmured, holding her close. “If anything, I think we’re about to find something even better.”

We stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in each other’s arms, both of us soaking in the reality of what we’d just confessed.

When we finally pulled apart, Alessia looked at me with a nervous smile.

“So… what now?” she asked.

“Well,” I said, a smile tugging at my lips, “how about we start with a date? A real one.”

Her eyes lit up, the nervousness giving way to excitement. “I’d love that.”

The next few days passed in a blur of anticipation. We both tried to keep things as normal as possible during training, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention from the team.

But every time our eyes met across the pitch, there was a spark of something new, something exciting.

When the day of our date finally arrived, I found myself more nervous than I’d ever been.

I dressed in something casual but nice, making sure I looked put together without trying too hard.

I’d planned everything out—Alessia’s favorite restaurant, a walk along the Thames, and then maybe we’d end the night with a quiet moment back at my place.

When she arrived to pick me up, she looked stunning, her usual athletic attire replaced with a simple yet elegant outfit that made my heart skip a beat.

“You look amazing,” I said, feeling a bit breathless as I took her in.

Alessia blushed, giving me a shy smile. “So do you. Ready to go?”

The date went better than I could have imagined. We laughed, we talked, and it felt like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

All the fears I’d had about ruining our friendship melted away as we slipped into this new dynamic, one that felt like it had been there all along, just waiting for us to acknowledge it.

After dinner, we took a walk along the river, the city lights reflecting off the water as we strolled side by side.

At some point, our hands found each other, fingers intertwining in a way that felt so right.

“You know,” Alessia said softly as we paused to look out over the water, “I’ve imagined this moment so many times. But I never thought it would actually happen.”

I turned to look at her, my heart swelling with affection. “Well, here we are. And honestly, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

She smiled, her eyes shining as she leaned in closer. “Neither can I.”

The kiss that followed was slow, sweet, and filled with the kind of emotion that only comes from years of built-up feelings finally being set free.

It was perfect, and I knew in that moment that this was where I was meant to be—with Alessia, in this new chapter of our lives.

When we finally pulled apart, I rested my forehead against hers, both of us breathing heavily. “Do you want to come back to my place?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Alessia nodded, her eyes never leaving mine. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

The rest of the night was a blur of whispered words and stolen kisses. We ended up back at my place, where we spent hours just talking, cuddling, and reveling in this new connection between us.

It was late—early morning, really—when we finally fell asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms with my head resting on Alessia’s chest

For the first time since Leah had broken up with me, I felt at peace. I wasn’t just surviving anymore; I was living, and it was all because of Alessia.

——

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. Alessia and I tried to keep things low-key, not wanting to rush anything or make the team suspicious.

But it wasn’t long before people started to notice the shift between us. The lingering glances, the private smiles, the way we were always together, even more so than usual.

It was only a matter of time before Leah found out.

I knew it was going to happen eventually, but that didn’t make it any easier. We were in the locker room after a match, everyone laughing and celebrating a well-deserved win, when I saw Leah watching me and Alessia from across the room.

Her expression was carefully neutral, but I could see the hurt in her eyes.

When most of the team had cleared out, Leah approached me. “Y/N, can we talk?”

I nodded, my stomach twisting in knots. "

“Yeah, of course.”

We stepped outside, the cool evening air a stark contrast to the warmth of the locker room. Leah leaned against the wall, crossing her arms as she looked at me.

“So,” she began, her voice calm but strained, “you and Alessia, huh?”

I swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “Yeah. It just… it happened. I didn’t plan for it, but…”

Leah nodded, cutting me off. “I get it. You don’t have to explain. I just… I didn’t think it would happen so fast.”

“It wasn’t fast,” I said quietly. “It just… felt right. After everything…”

Leah sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I know. And I’m happy for you, Y/N. I really am. It’s just… hard, you know? I didn’t realize how much I’d regret my decision until I saw you with her.”

Her words hit me hard, and for a moment, I didn’t know what to say. “Leah…”

“No, it’s okay,” she interrupted, forcing a smile. “I made my choice, and I have to live with it. I just… I miss you.And it’s hard seeing you with someone else, but I’ll get over it.”

I nodded, feeling a pang of sadness for what we’d lost. “I miss you too, Leah. But… Alessia makes me happy. And I think this is what’s best for both of us.”

Leah looked at me for a long moment, then nodded. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

We stood in silence for a while, the unspoken words hanging between us. Finally, Leah gave me a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Take care of yourself, Y/N.“

“I will,” I promised.

As Leah walked away, I felt a mix of emotions—sadness for what we’d lost, but also a sense of closure.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew we’d both be okay in the end.

When I returned to the locker room, Alessia was waiting for me, concern written all over her face. “Everything okay?” she asked, her voice gentle.

I nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Yeah. It’s going to be okay.”

She smiled back, and in that moment, I knew that no matter what happened, we’d face it together.

We had something real, something worth fighting for. And as I took her hand in mine, I knew that this was only the beginning of our story.

A new beginning, and one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

FIN

[natsgrave]

THE SMALLEST WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED | natasha romanoff

and i don't miss what we had, but could someone give a message to the smallest woman who ever lived? i do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other sites. plagiarism is a crime!! masterlist

The night was dark, and the moon hung low in the sky, casting an eerie glow over the cityscape. Shadows danced across the abandoned warehouse where she had taken refuge, a place forgotten by time and society. The woman sat in a corner, her breath coming in ragged gasps, her body trembling from exhaustion and fear. Her name was Y/N, but she hadn't been called that in years. To HYDRA, she was known only as Subject 47.

For years, Y/N had been their pawn, subjected to torturous experiments designed to unlock her latent powers. She had been forced to use those powers in ways she could never have imagined, becoming a weapon in HYDRA's arsenal. But she had endured, biding her time, waiting for the moment when she could break free. That moment had come, and now she was on the run, trying to stay one step ahead of the organization that had taken everything from her.

The memories of her escape were still fresh in her mind: the alarms blaring, the shouts of the guards, the searing pain of the injuries she had sustained. But she had made it out, and that was all that mattered. She had to keep moving, had to stay hidden. She couldn't afford to be found, not now.

As she sat in the darkness, her thoughts drifted back to the years of torment she had endured. She remembered the faces of the scientists who had experimented on her, the cold, clinical way they had treated her, as if she were nothing more than a specimen. She remembered the pain, the isolation, the despair. But most of all, she remembered the moments when she had been forced to use her powers to harm others, to carry out HYDRA's will. Those memories haunted her, gnawing at her conscience.

She knew she couldn't go back to being the person she once was. That person was gone, replaced by someone who had been forged in fire and darkness. But she also knew she couldn't let HYDRA win. She had to survive, no matter the cost.

Y/N's powers were formidable. She had the ability to manipulate energy, to create devastating blasts of force that could level buildings. She could also control minds, bending others to her will. These abilities had made her a valuable asset to HYDRA, but they were also a constant reminder of the monster she had become.

She had tried to lay low, to stay out of sight. But it was difficult. Her powers were unpredictable, and sometimes they manifested in ways she couldn't control. And then there was the constant need for resources. Food, money, shelter— these were things she couldn't simply conjure out of thin air. She had turned to a life of crime, using her powers to rob, to steal, to survive. It was a dark path, but it was the only one she knew.

One night, as she was preparing to leave the warehouse and find another place to hide, she heard a noise. Her heart raced as she turned, her powers at the ready. A figure emerged from the shadows, a woman with a determined look in her eyes.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her voice cold and wary. "How did you find me?"

The woman raised her hands in a gesture of peace. "My name is Natasha," she said calmly. "I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to talk."

"Talk?" Y/N scoffed. "I don't have time for talking. If you're HYDRA, you won't leave here alive."

"I'm not HYDRA," Natasha assured her. "I know what they did to you. I know what you're capable of. I'm here to help."

Y/N narrowed her eyes, her suspicion evident. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because I've been where you are," Natasha replied, her voice softening. "I know what it's like to be used, to be turned into something you're not. But you don't have to keep living this way. There are people who can help you, who can help you control your powers, who can give you a chance at a new life."

Y/N's resolve wavered. She wanted to believe her, but trust was a luxury she couldn't afford. "How do I know you're not lying?"

Natasha took a step closer, her eyes filled with sincerity. "You don't. But you have a choice. You can keep running, keep hiding, keep doing things you hate. Or you can take a chance, and maybe— just maybe— find a way out of this darkness."

Y/N stared at Natasha, her mind racing. She had spent so long fighting, so long surviving. The idea of something better, something different, was almost too much to hope for. But as she looked into Natasha's eyes, she saw something she hadn't seen in a long time: hope.

"Alright," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'll listen. But if this is a trap, if you're lying to me…"

"I'm not," Natasha interrupted gently. "I promise you, you're not alone anymore."

And for the first time in years, Y/N allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of the darkness after all.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Over the next few weeks, Y/N and Natasha grew closer. The walls Y/N had built around herself slowly began to crumble as Natasha showed her a different way to live, a way that didn't involve fear and isolation. They spent their days training, honing Y/N's powers with precision and control, and their evenings talking, sharing stories of their pasts.

One evening, they sat on the rooftop of an old building, the city lights twinkling below them. The air was cool, and a gentle breeze rustled their hair. Y/N sat on the edge of the rooftop, her legs dangling over the side as she stared out at the city lights. The memory she was about to share was one she had buried deep within herself, a wound that had never fully healed. But Natasha's presence, her understanding, gave Y/N the courage to finally let it out.

"It was one of the worst days," Y/N began, her voice barely above a whisper. Natasha's eyes gazed into her softly, curious about what she was about to share. "I had been with HYDRA for a few years by then. They had already started experimenting on me, trying to unlock my powers. I was in so much pain, all the time. But this day… this day was different."

Natasha sat beside her, listening intently, her eyes filled with empathy.

"They had me in this lab," Y/N continued, her gaze distant as she relived the memory. "It was cold, sterile. The walls were lined with equipment, and there were a dozen scientists there, all watching me like I was some kind of animal. They strapped me to a table, injected me with something. It burned, like fire coursing through my veins. I screamed, but they didn't care. They just watched, taking notes."

Y/N paused, her hands trembling as she clenched them into fists. Natasha reached out, gently placing a hand on her arm, grounding her.

"I could feel my powers surging," she said, her voice shaking. "It was like they had torn down a dam inside me, and the energy was flooding out. I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop it. They had these targets set up, and they told me to destroy them. I didn't want to, but the pain… it was unbearable. So I did. I blasted them apart, one after another."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, but she forced herself to continue. "Then they brought in… people. Prisoners, they said. Enemies of HYDRA. They wanted me to use my powers on them. I refused. I begged them to stop, but they just laughed. One of the scientists, Dr. Zola, he was the worst. He looked at me with such contempt. He told me that if I didn't do as they asked, they would make the pain even worse."

Natasha's grip on Y/N's arm tightened, a silent offer of support.

"So I did it," Y/N whispered, the tears now streaming down her face. "I used my powers on those people. I saw the fear in their eyes, heard their screams. I tried to hold back, to minimize the damage, but it was no use. I could see what I was doing to them, the horror and pain I was causing. And all the while, Dr. Zola was there, taking notes, completely detached from the suffering."

Y/N's voice broke, and she covered her face with her hands, sobbing. Natasha pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly as she cried.

"It wasn't your fault," Natasha murmured softly. "They forced you. You were a victim, Y/N, just like those people."

Y/N shook her head, the guilt and shame overwhelming her. "I still see their faces, Natasha. Every night, the same nightmare. I can never forget what I did."

"You were put in an impossible situation," Natasha said firmly, pulling back to look Y/N in the eyes. "HYDRA did that to you, not the real you. The real you is the person sitting here with me, the person who has the strength to fight back, to survive. You are not defined by what they made you do."

Y/N nodded, though the pain was still raw. "I want to believe that. I really do. But it's hard."

"I know it is," Natasha replied, her voice gentle. "But you're not alone anymore. We'll get through this together. We'll find a way to make things right, to move forward."

Y/N took a deep breath, the weight of her past still heavy on her shoulders, but there was a glimmer of hope in her heart. With Natasha by her side, she felt a strength she hadn't known in years.

"Thank you, Natasha," she said quietly. "For listening. For being here."

"Always," Natasha replied, a small, reassuring smile on her lips. "We'll face this together, Y/N. One step at a time."

And as the night stretched on, they sat together on the rooftop, two kindred spirits bound by their pasts but looking forward to a future they could shape with their own hands.

"You know," Y/N said, her eyes fixed on the horizon, "I've never told anyone that before. Not even the other subjects."

Natasha nodded, her expression thoughtful. "It takes a lot of courage to share something like that. I'm honored you trust me."

Y/N glanced at her, a small smile playing on her lips. "You've given me a reason to trust again. I never thought I'd feel that way after everything that's happened."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the weight of their shared experiences hanging in the air. But a nagging thought had been bothering Y/N for days, and she knew she had to address it.

"Natasha," she began hesitantly, "there's something I need to ask you."

Natasha turned to her, her expression open and encouraging. "Anything, Y/N. What is it?"

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. "How did you find me? I mean, really find me. I've been running for so long, staying off the grid. It doesn't make sense."

Natasha's face grew serious, and she looked down at her hands for a moment before meeting Y/N's gaze. "I understand why you're curious. The truth is, I was able to find you because of my past. You see, I wasn't always… on the side of the angels."

Y/N's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Natasha sighed, her eyes distant as she delved into her memories. "I was trained by a group called the Red Room. It's an organization that turns young girls into assassins, into weapons. They took me when I was just a child and molded me into what they wanted. I was one of their best."

Y/N listened intently, her heart aching at the pain in Natasha's voice. "That sounds… horrible. I'm so sorry, Natasha."

Natasha shook her head. "It's in the past. But the skills they taught me, the connections I made— they're how I was able to track you down. I recognized the signs of someone trying to hide, because I've been there myself."

Y/N's eyes widened in realization. "So you used your training to find me?"

Natasha nodded. "Yes. But not to hurt you. To help you. I saw a kindred spirit in you, someone who had been used and discarded. I wanted to give you a chance to break free, to find your own path."

Y/N's emotions swirled within her. "Thank you, Natasha. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Natasha replied, her voice gentle. "Just know that we can face our pasts together and create a better future."

As the weeks turned into months, their bond grew stronger. They trained together, pushing each other to their limits, and spent their downtime sharing stories and dreams. Y/N found herself opening up more and more, revealing details about her life before HYDRA, her hopes and fears. Natasha, in turn, shared her own experiences, the pain and triumphs that had shaped her into who she was.

One evening, after a particularly grueling training session, they sat on the rooftop again, watching the sunset. Y/N turned to Natasha, her heart full of gratitude and something she hadn't felt in a long time.

"Natasha," she said softly, "thank you for everything. You've given me a reason to believe in myself again."

Natasha smiled, a warmth in her eyes that made Y/N's heart swell. "You've always had that strength, Y/N. You just needed someone to remind you of it."

And in that moment, surrounded by the fading light of the day, Y/N knew that she had found not just a friend, but a kindred spirit. Someone who understood her pain, her struggles, and her dreams. Together, they would face whatever challenges lay ahead, and for the first time in years, Y/N felt truly free.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Months and months passed, and Y/N and Natasha became inseparable. Natasha taught Y/N everything from combat techniques to espionage tactics, sharing stories of her own childhood in the Red Room and even recounting funny anecdotes that brought laughter back into Y/N's life. The once distant and cautious Y/N now felt a warmth she hadn't experienced in years.

Y/N sat on the edge of her bed one night, staring at the ceiling, her mind filled with thoughts of Natasha. Every day, she found herself falling deeper in love with the woman who had not only saved her but also given her a reason to live again. Natasha's strength, compassion, and unwavering support had become a beacon in Y/N's life, guiding her through the darkness.

But with those feelings came fear. Y/N was terrified that if she confessed her love, it might push Natasha away. Despite Natasha being a trained assassin with an uncanny ability to read people, Y/N had managed to keep her feelings hidden. She didn't want to risk losing the one person who meant everything to her.

One afternoon, they were training in an abandoned gym they had discovered. The space was perfect for their needs— isolated, spacious, and filled with old equipment that they could use for their rigorous routines. As they sparred, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at Natasha's agility and skill. Even after months of training, Natasha still amazed her with her prowess.

"You're getting better every day," Natasha said, wiping sweat from her brow as they took a break. "I'm proud of you, Y/N."

Y/N smiled, her heart swelling with warmth. "I have a great teacher."

Natasha chuckled, but there was a hint of seriousness in her eyes. "It's not just about the training. It's about finding yourself, trusting yourself. And you're doing that."

Y/N nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude. "Thank you, Natasha. For everything."

Natasha's expression softened. "You don't have to thank me. We're in this together."

As they sat on the gym floor, catching their breath, Natasha began to share another story from her past, this time about a mission that had gone hilariously wrong. Y/N laughed, feeling the tension in her chest ease as the sound of Natasha's laughter filled the room.

"You should have seen the look on his face when the cat jumped out of the box instead of the intel we were expecting." Natasha said, grinning. Avoiding to mention any name.

Y/N shook her head, still laughing. "I wish I could have been there."

Natasha's smile faded slightly, replaced by a thoughtful look. "You know, Y/N, I don't think I've ever felt this close to anyone before. It's… different."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat, and she looked down, trying to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Yeah, it's different for me too."

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of unspoken feelings hanging in the air. Y/N wanted so desperately to tell Natasha how she felt, but the fear held her back.

One evening, they decided to take a break from training and relax on the rooftop of their safe house. The night was clear, and the stars were scattered across the sky like diamonds. They lay on their backs, side by side, staring up at the cosmos.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have a normal life?" Y/N asked softly.

Natasha sighed. "Sometimes. But I think we make our own normal, don't you? Whatever that looks like."

Y/N turned her head to look at Natasha, her heart aching with unspoken words. "I think you're right."

Natasha met her gaze, her eyes searching Y/N's. "Y/N, is there something you want to tell me?"

Y/N's breath caught in her throat. The moment had come, and she felt both terrified and exhilarated. "I… Natasha, I—"

Before she could finish, a loud noise from the street below startled them both. They sat up quickly, their training kicking in as they scanned the area for potential threats. After a few tense moments, they realized it was just a group of teenagers making noise.

Natasha sighed in relief, then looked at Y/N with a small smile. "I guess we'll have to save the deep conversations for another time."

Y/N nodded, her heart still pounding. "Yeah, another time."

As they settled back down, Y/N felt a mix of disappointment and relief. The moment had passed, but the feelings remained. She knew she couldn't keep them hidden forever, but for now, she was content to cherish the bond they had, hoping that one day she would find the courage to tell Natasha how deeply she cared for her.

The night had settled into a comfortable stillness, the kind that Y/N had come to appreciate in her new life with Natasha. They had spent the evening on the rooftop, their bond growing even stronger with every shared story and laugh. But the moment of potential confession had been interrupted, leaving Y/N with a mix of emotions that she couldn't quite sort through.

"Hey, I'm going to run to the store to grab a few things," Natasha said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. "Do you need anything?"

Y/N shook her head, offering a warm smile. "No, I'm good. Just hurry back."

Natasha grinned. "Won't be long."

As the door closed behind Natasha, Y/N found herself alone in the quiet apartment. She tried to shake off the lingering thoughts of her unspoken feelings, instead focusing on the simple task of tidying up their training equipment, replaying the evening's conversation in her mind, wondering how she might finally confess her feelings to Natasha. She was just about to sit down and relax when she heard the door creak open again.

"Natasha, that was quick." she began, turning around with a smile. But her words died on her lips as she took in the sight before her.

Instead of Natasha, a group of several figures stood in the doorway, none of whom were Natasha. Y/N's heart began to race.

Steve Rogers, Captain America, stepped forward. His expression was firm but not unkind. "Y/N, we need you to come with us."

Y/N's heart raced, confusion and fear flooding her mind. "How did you find me? Who are you?"

Clint Barton, Hawkeye, responded calmly, "We're the Avengers. We need you to come peacefully. We don't want to hurt you."

But Y/N shook her head, taking a step back. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Tony Stark, Iron Man, sighed. "We were hoping it wouldn't come to this."

"Y/N, please," Captain America urged, taking a step forward. "We don't want to fight you."

Without further warning, Y/N felt a surge of adrenaline. She couldn't let them take her. She had fought too hard, endured too much, to be captured now. Her powers, usually kept in check, surged uncontrollably as her fear and anger took over.

The energy crackling around her as she prepared for a confrontation. "I'm not leaving without a fight."

The battle began with a blur of movement. Y/N unleashed a blast of energy that sent Captain America flying backward, his shield barely absorbing the impact. Iron Man's repulsors fired in response, but Y/N dodged with agility, her movements a blur. Thor swung Mjolnir, but Y/N countered with a force field that deflected the mighty hammer.

Iron Man flew into the air, attempting to get a better angle for his attack. "She's fast. We need to contain her!"

Y/N responded by sending a wave of energy that disrupted Iron Man's flight, causing him to crash into a wall. He recovered quickly, his suit's systems recalibrating, but the momentary distraction gave Y/N the upper hand.

Captain America threw his shield, aiming for Y/N's legs to incapacitate her, but she leaped into the air, avoiding the strike and landing a powerful kick to his chest. He stumbled back but quickly regained his footing, his determination unwavering.

Thor charged at Y/N, lightning crackling around him. He swung Mjolnir with all his might, but Y/N created a barrier that absorbed the impact. She pushed back with a surge of energy, sending Thor skidding across the floor.

Clint shot an arrow aimed at disarming Y/N, but she deflected it with a wave of energy. Steve charged forward, his shield raised, but Y/N countered with a blast of force that once again, sent him skidding backward.

Tony, in his Iron Man suit, launched a series of repulsor blasts. Y/N dodged them with agility honed from months of training with Natasha. She retaliated with a powerful blast that knocked Tony off balance, sending him crashing into a wall.

Thor entered the fray, his hammer Mjolnir crackling with electricity. "Stay your hand, mortal! We mean you no harm!"

But Y/N was beyond reasoning. She unleashed a torrent of energy, attempting to fend off the god of thunder. The two clashed in a dazzling display of power, the air around them crackling with raw force.

As the battle raged on, Y/N's control over her powers slipped. She sent waves of destructive energy in all directions, causing the building to shake and debris to fall. The Avengers fought to contain her without causing her harm, but Y/N's desperation made her unpredictable.

In the midst of the chaos, Y/N caught sight of Natasha standing at the edge of the room, a look of pained determination on her face. Y/N's heart ached with a mix of relief and confusion. She was about to call out to Natasha, to tell her to run, when she saw Natasha raise her wrist, the Widow Bites charging with electricity.

"Natasha, no—" Y/N's words were cut off as the electric shock hit her. Pain surged through her body, and she collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. She fell to her knees, her vision blurring as she tried to process the betrayal.

Confusion, hurt, and betrayal were etched across Y/N's face as she looked up at Natasha. "Why?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of the battle.

Natasha's eyes met Y/N's, a silent apology evident in their depths. "Y/N, please. Just listen—"

Before Natasha could finish, Tony approached Y/N cautiously, his helmet retracting to reveal his concerned face. "I'm sorry about this." he said softly, before administering a knockout shot that sent Y/N into unconsciousness.

The last thing Y/N saw was Natasha's face, torn between duty and the bond they had shared. As darkness enveloped her, Y/N's mind swirled with unanswered questions and a profound sense of betrayal.

When Y/N woke up, she found herself in a sterile, secure room, her hands restrained. The cold metal of the restraints bit into her skin, a harsh reminder of her new reality. The stark whiteness of the walls and the faint hum of machinery around her brought back a flood of memories she had desperately tried to bury. Her hands were restrained, the cold metal digging into her wrists, making escape impossible. Panic set in, and her mind raced as she tried to piece together the events that had led her here. The fight with the Avengers, Natasha's betrayal— it all felt like a nightmare she couldn't wake up from.

Memories from her time in HYDRA began to resurface, unbidden and relentless. She could almost feel the cold, damp walls of the cells they kept her in, hear the echo of her own screams as they experimented on her, pushing her to the brink of insanity. The pain had been unbearable, but the psychological torment was even worse. They had stripped her of her humanity, treating her like a lab rat, an object to be used and discarded.

She remembered the countless nights spent in isolation, the darkness her only companion. The silence was oppressive, broken only by the occasional distant scream of another unfortunate soul. Y/N had learned to dread the sound of approaching footsteps, knowing it meant another round of torture or experiments. They had tried to break her, to mold her into their perfect weapon, and for a time, they had succeeded.

She could still see the faces of the scientists, their expressions cold and detached as they inflicted unimaginable pain on her. She had begged for mercy, for death, but they had only laughed, their eyes void of any empathy. The experiments had been brutal, designed to push her powers to their limits, often leaving her on the brink of death. They had injected her with unknown substances, subjected her to electric shocks, and forced her to endure endless physical and mental trials.

Her mind drifted to the times when she had been restrained, much like she was now, unable to move or defend herself. She could feel the tightness of the straps, the helplessness that had consumed her as she lay there, vulnerable and exposed. The scientists would talk about her as if she wasn't even there, discussing their next steps in cold, clinical terms. They had stripped her of her identity, reducing her to a mere experiment number.

The fear and anger she had felt during those years were now mingling with the sense of betrayal and hurt she felt towards Natasha. The two emotions intertwined, creating a storm of confusion and pain within her. She had thought she had found a semblance of peace, a way to move forward from her past, but now it all seemed to be crashing down around her.

Y/N's mind shifted to the happier memories she had shared with Natasha, the woman who had seemed to be her savior, her light in the darkness. The way Natasha had smiled at her, the sound of her laughter, the warmth of her touch— all of it felt like a cruel joke now.

How could someone who had meant so much to her be the same person who had deceived her so completely?

She remembered the nights spent talking with Natasha, sharing their deepest fears and dreams. Natasha had made her feel safe, cherished even, something she had never experienced before. The bond they had formed had been real, or so she had thought. The betrayal cut deeper because of the trust she had placed in Natasha, a trust that had been shattered in an instant.

The memories of their time together played in her mind like a cruel montage. Training sessions where Natasha had pushed her to be better, moments of laughter and camaraderie, the quiet evenings where they had simply enjoyed each other's presence. Y/N had opened up to Natasha in ways she had never done with anyone else, revealing parts of herself she had kept hidden for so long.

But now, all those memories felt tainted. She couldn't shake the image of Natasha standing there with the Avengers, the look of determination on her face as she shot Y/N with her Widow's Bite. The physical pain had been nothing compared to the emotional agony of realizing that the one person she had trusted had been sent to betray her.

Y/N's thoughts circled back to her time in HYDRA, the endless cycle of pain and hopelessness. She had endured so much, fought so hard to survive, only to be betrayed by the one person who had given her a reason to keep fighting. The feelings of helplessness and despair were overwhelming, threatening to consume her once more.

She could feel tears welling up, but she refused to let them fall. She had cried enough during her time in HYDRA, and she had vowed never to let herself be that vulnerable again. But the pain of Natasha's betrayal was too much to bear, reopening old wounds that had never truly healed.

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to shut out the memories, but they came flooding back with even greater intensity. The faces of the scientists, the cold, clinical environment, the pain, the screams— it all felt too real, too immediate. She had spent so long trying to bury those memories, to move past them, but now they were resurfacing with a vengeance.

She thought about the other subjects in HYDRA, the ones who hadn't survived. She could still hear their cries for help, their pleas for mercy. She had been one of the few to make it out alive, but at what cost? The memories of those who had perished haunted her, a constant reminder of the horrors she had endured.

Y/N tried to focus on her breathing, to calm herself, but it was a losing battle. The memories were too strong, too overwhelming. She felt like she was back in those cells, trapped and helpless, with no way out. The room she was in now felt eerily similar, the restraints on her wrists a cruel echo of her past.

The memories of Natasha brought a new wave of pain. She had thought she could trust her, had believed in the bond they had shared. But now, it felt like all of that had been a lie. Natasha's betrayal was a knife to her heart, twisting with every recollection of their time together.

Y/N remembered the times Natasha had held her, comforting her during moments of weakness. She had felt safe in Natasha's arms, believing that she had found someone who truly cared about her. But now, that sense of safety was shattered, replaced by a void of distrust and heartbreak.

She tried to reconcile the Natasha she had come to love with the woman who had betrayed her. It was impossible. The two images clashed in her mind, creating a whirlwind of confusion and pain. She had fallen in love with Natasha, believing in the goodness she saw in her, but now she couldn't tell what had been real and what had been a façade.

The tears she had been holding back finally began to fall. The memories, the pain, the betrayal— it was all too much. She felt like she was drowning, unable to breathe, unable to escape the torment of her past and the heartbreak of the present.

Y/N's mind was a battleground, the memories of HYDRA and her time with Natasha colliding in a cacophony of emotions. She felt the weight of her past pressing down on her, the sense of hopelessness creeping back in. The fight to survive had taken everything she had, and now it felt like she had nothing left to give.

As she sat there, restrained and helpless, Y/N's thoughts drifted to the future. She didn't know what lay ahead, whether she would ever be able to trust again, whether she could find a way to heal from the betrayal. But one thing was certain— she would never forget what she had been through, and she would never forgive Natasha for what she had done.

The pain of betrayal was a wound that would take a long time to heal, if it ever did. But Y/N knew she had to keep fighting, to keep pushing forward, even if it felt impossible. She had survived HYDRA, she had endured unimaginable pain, and she would find a way to survive this too.

The memories of her time in HYDRA, the torment, the helplessness— they were a part of her, but they didn't define her. She was stronger than that, stronger than the pain and the betrayal. And as she sat there, tears streaming down her face, Y/N made a silent vow to herself. She would find a way to move past this, to find her strength again, and to never let anyone break her the way HYDRA had tried to.

With that thought, Y/N closed her eyes, trying to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos of her mind. The road ahead was uncertain, and the pain was still raw, but she was determined to keep fighting. For herself, for her future, and for the chance to prove that she was more than the sum of her past traumas.

Her closed eyes instantly shot opened when the door of the room opened, and Natasha walked in, clad in her black widow suit. Her expression was a mix of concern and determination. "Y/N, how are you feeling?" she asked, her voice soft.

What do you think? She wanted to spat but instead, Y/N sat in silence, her gaze fixed on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to look at Natasha. The betrayal cut too deep, and the words she wanted to say were lodged in her throat.

Natasha took a step closer, her eyes pleading. "Please, Y/N, talk to me."

After a long, tense silence, Y/N finally looked up, her eyes filled with pain and anger. "Why?" she asked, her voice trembling. "How could you do this, Natasha? After everything we've been through, everything you made me believe? Was any of it true?"

Natasha's face crumpled with guilt and sorrow. "I… I didn't want it to happen like this. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why?" Y/N demanded, her voice rising. "Why did you lie to me? Why did you pretend to care?"

Natasha struggled to find the right words, but they seemed to elude her. "It was my mission. But that doesn't mean what we had wasn't real. It was real, it was real to me!"

Y/N scoffed, bitterness lacing her voice. "Real? You were sent by someone who wanted me dead! Now tell me, Natasha, did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?"

Natasha's eyes widened, and she shook her head vehemently. "No, Y/N. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to protect you."

"Protect me?" Y/N's voice was filled with incredulity. "By lying to me? By using me?"

Natasha took a deep breath, her own eyes filling with tears. "I did what I had to do. But my feelings for you were real. They still are."

Y/N's voice was a whisper now, raw with emotion. "I would have died for your sins, Natasha."

The words hung in the air, heavy and damning. Natasha was stunned, her mind racing to process the depth of Y/N's pain.

Y/N continued, her voice breaking. "I loved you, Natasha. Every day, I fell deeper in love with you. And now… now I find out it was all just a goddamn mission to you."

"No," Natasha said quickly, her own heart breaking. "It wasn't just a mission. You mean so much more to me than that."

"But it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden, was it?" Y/N's voice was filled with hurt and sarcasm. "Once the truth was out, it lost its appeal, didn't it?"

Natasha shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No, Y/N. Please, believe me. I… I love you too."

Y/N looked away, the pain too much to bear. "I don't know what to believe anymore. How can I trust you after this? You were the one person I thought I could rely on."

Natasha took a step closer, reaching out to touch Y/N's hand, but Y/N pulled away, the betrayal still too fresh. "I'm sorry, Y/N," Natasha whispered, her voice breaking. "I'm so, so sorry."

The room was filled with the sound of their silent tears, the weight of their shared pain too heavy to bear. And in that moment, both of them knew that their lives would never be the same again.

Y/N's heart ached with the weight of her emotions, "I want you to leave, Natasha."

"Y/N, please…"

"I SAID LEAVE!"

Natasha left the room, her heart heavy with guilt and sorrow. She wanted to stay, to explain herself further, but Y/N's shout had left no room for argument. As she stepped into the corridor, the weight of her actions pressed down on her, making it hard to breathe. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside her.

The mission had seemed straightforward at first: locate the escaped HYDRA experiment and bring her in. It should have been simple. But Y/N had become so much more than a mission. She had broken through Natasha's defenses, seen her vulnerabilities, and made her feel things she hadn't thought possible. Y/N had become her person, the one exception in her life of secrecy and deception.

Natasha walked through the sterile halls of the Avengers' facility, each step feeling heavier than the last. She made her way to an empty room, seeking solitude to process everything. She couldn't shake the image of Y/N's face, the pain and betrayal in her eyes. The girl she loved, the one who had seen her at her weakest, was now lost to her.

"Natasha," a voice called softly. She turned to see Steve Rogers standing at the door. His expression was filled with concern.

"Steve, I—" Natasha began, but her voice faltered.

Steve stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "I know this isn't easy for you."

Natasha shook her head, tears threatening to spill. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was just a mission, but she became so much more."

Steve nodded, understanding in his eyes. "Sometimes, the lines blur. You can't help who you care about."

Natasha sank into a chair, burying her face in her hands. "She hates me now. I don't blame her. I lied to her, used her. How can she ever forgive me?"

Steve placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Give her time. She needs to process everything. And you need to be honest with her, even if it's painful."

Natasha looked up, her eyes filled with anguish. "But what if it's too late? What if I've lost her forever?"

Steve's expression softened. "You haven't lost her. Not yet. But you need to fight for her, Natasha. Show her that your feelings are real, that she's more than a mission to you." squeezing her shoulder softly, he added, "Who you are is not what you did."

Natasha nodded, though uncertainty still clouded her mind. She knew Steve was right, but the path ahead seemed so daunting. She had to find a way to bridge the gap she had created, to make Y/N understand that her love was genuine.

The days that followed were torturous. Natasha threw herself into training and missions, trying to distract herself from the ache in her heart. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the thoughts of Y/N. Each night, she lay awake, replaying their conversations, the laughter they had shared, and the tender moments that had made her feel alive.

Natasha sat alone in her quarters, staring at the ceiling, trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened. The sterile, cold walls seemed to close in on her, echoing her isolation and guilt. She had replayed her confrontation with Y/N countless times in her mind, each time feeling the knife of betrayal twist deeper. The mission had been clear-cut, simple even: locate and capture. But then she had met Y/N, and everything had changed.

She closed her eyes, trying to remember the first time she had seen Y/N. It had been a rainy night in a rundown part of the city. Y/N had been fighting off some low-level thugs, her powers crackling around her in a wild display of raw energy. Natasha had been struck by her ferocity, her determination, and the deep sadness that seemed to emanate from her. She had been assigned to neutralize Y/N, but instead, she found herself captivated by her.

Natasha's heart ached as she remembered their first real conversation. It had been awkward, filled with mistrust and guarded words. But over time, they had grown closer. Y/N had slowly let her guard down, allowing Natasha glimpses into her world, her pain, and her struggles. They had trained together, laughed together, and shared stories that had created a bond Natasha had never expected.

But now, all of that was shattered.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Weeks passed and Natasha still feel the weight of her poor decisions pressing down on her like a heavy, unyielding burden. The guilt gnawed at her constantly, making it hard to focus on anything else. She had tried to compartmentalize, to push the feelings aside, but they refused to be ignored.

Because now, her person— Y/N— was filled with anger and betrayal, emotions that Natasha herself had caused. Every time she saw Y/N's face, the pain was still evident, a constant reminder of the trust she had shattered. Natasha had made a series of poor decisions, each one leading them to this moment of intense suffering.

In the quiet moments, when she was alone with her thoughts, Natasha's mind would wander to a life that seemed like a distant dream— a normal life with Y/N. She imagined lazy mornings in bed, laughing over shared breakfasts, evenings spent watching the sunset, and a future filled with love and happiness. But those dreams felt like they were slipping further and further out of reach.

She often found herself in a spiral of doubt and regret. Was what she did worth it? Was there any way to redeem herself in Y/N's eyes? The questions were relentless, and the answers were elusive. Y/N had become her everything, the one person who had seen the real Natasha and still loved her. And now, that love seemed impossible to salvage.

Natasha's thoughts often turned dark, filled with self-loathing and despair. It was a losing battle in her mind. On one hand, she was a hero, an Avenger dedicated to protecting the world. On the other hand, Y/N saw her as a villain, a betrayer who had shattered their trust. The dichotomy was tearing her apart, and she didn't know how to reconcile the two.

Everywhere Natasha turned, she was haunted by the decisions that led her to this point. She recalled the moment she first saw Y/N's file, the cold detachment she felt as she read about the mission's objectives. Y/N was just another target then, another task to be completed. But then the mission parameters blurred, and Natasha found herself drawn to Y/N in ways she hadn't anticipated.

She was not even supposed to tell and share stories, let alone her past life when she was still under Red Room.

But Y/N's strength, resilience, and vulnerability captivated Natasha, breaking through her professional detachment. She remembered the first time she saw Y/N laugh— a genuine, carefree laugh that lit up her entire face. Natasha had felt something stir within her, something she hadn't felt in her entire life: hope. Hope that there was more to life than missions and deception. Hope that she could find redemption through love.

But now, that hope felt like a cruel joke. Natasha was left to grapple with the reality of her actions. She had deceived Y/N, played with her emotions, and shattered her trust. The look of betrayal on Y/N's face was seared into Natasha's memory, a constant reminder of her failure. It haunted her dreams, turning them into nightmares where Y/N's eyes bore into her with unspoken accusations.

Natasha tried to lose herself in her work, but it was no use. Every mission, every fight, felt hollow without Y/N by her side. She replayed their last conversation over and over in her mind, dissecting every word, every gesture, searching for a way she could have handled things differently. If only she had been honest from the beginning. If only she had found a way to protect Y/N without betraying her trust.

The guilt was relentless, gnawing at her insides. Natasha found herself questioning her very identity. Who was she if she could betray the one person who meant the most to her? Could she still call herself a hero? The lines between right and wrong had become so blurred, and Natasha felt like she was losing herself in the murkiness.

She sought solace in her training, pushing her body to its limits in an attempt to silence her mind. But no amount of physical exertion could quiet the storm of emotions raging within her. Each punch, each kick, was a futile attempt to fight against the guilt and regret that consumed her.

In her quieter moments, Natasha allowed herself to imagine a different reality, one where she and Y/N were living a peaceful life together. She envisioned a small, cozy home, filled with warmth and laughter. She saw herself waking up next to Y/N, their fingers intertwined, the morning light casting a gentle glow on their faces. She imagined sharing quiet moments, stolen kisses, and whispered promises. But as beautiful as these fantasies were, they were also a painful reminder of what she had lost.

Natasha's mind was a battlefield, torn between the desire to make things right and the fear that it was too late. She replayed every interaction with Y/N, every smile, every touch, trying to decipher where she went wrong. She questioned her own worthiness, wondering if she deserved forgiveness, if she deserved Y/N's love.

Her nights were the hardest. Alone in her room, Natasha would lie awake, her mind racing with thoughts of Y/N. She would reach out to the empty space beside her, imagining that Y/N was there, her presence a comforting balm to Natasha's troubled soul. But the emptiness only served to deepen her sense of loss and regret.

Natasha's heart ached with a longing she couldn't quell. She wanted to reach out to Y/N, to beg for her forgiveness, to prove that her love was real. But she was paralyzed by fear— fear of rejection, fear of causing more pain, fear of facing the truth of her actions. The vulnerability that Y/N had awakened within her was both a gift and a curse, leaving Natasha exposed and raw.

In her moments of despair, Natasha would recall Steve's words: "Who you are is not what you did." But it was hard to believe those words when the evidence of her betrayal was so clear. She had hurt Y/N. The guilt was suffocating, a constant reminder of her failure.

Natasha's mind would drift back to their time together, to the small, intimate moments that had defined their relationship. She remembered the way Y/N's eyes would light up when she talked about her dreams, the softness in her voice when she whispered Natasha's name. She remembered the warmth of Y/N's touch, the comfort of her embrace, the way she made Natasha feel like she was worth something, like she was more than just a weapon.

But now, all of that felt like a distant memory, a beautiful dream that had turned into a nightmare. Natasha was left to grapple with the reality of her actions, with the knowledge that she had destroyed the one good thing in her life. The weight of her choices was crushing, leaving her feeling hollow and lost.

In her darkest moments, Natasha would wonder if it was too late to make things right. She questioned whether Y/N could ever forgive her, whether there was any hope of salvaging their relationship. But despite the overwhelming doubt, there was a small, stubborn part of Natasha that refused to give up. She clung to the hope that, somehow, she could find a way to prove her love, to show Y/N that she was more than her mistakes.

Natasha knew that the road ahead would be long and difficult. She would have to face her own demons, confront the parts of herself she had kept hidden for so long. She would have to earn Y/N's trust, step by painful step, proving that her love was real and unwavering. It was a daunting task, but Natasha was determined to try.

As she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, Natasha made a silent vow to herself. She would do whatever it took to make things right with Y/N. She would fight for their love, for the future she had once dreamed of. It wouldn't be easy, and it might take a lifetime, but Natasha was willing to give it her all.

With that thought, Natasha finally felt a small sense of peace. The guilt and regret were still there, but they were tempered by a newfound determination. She would prove to Y/N that their love was worth fighting for, that she was worth fighting for. And maybe, just maybe, they could find their way back to each other.

As the first light of dawn began to filter through the window, Natasha sighed and stood up, pacing the small room. She knew she had to try to explain everything to Y/N, even if it seemed impossible. She couldn't just leave things as they were. She owed Y/N the truth, even if it hurt.

Taking a deep breath, Natasha left her quarters and walked towards Y/N's room. The halls were quiet, the soft hum of the facility's systems the only sound. As she approached the door, her heart pounded in her chest. She hesitated for a moment before knocking softly and entering.

Y/N was sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes red from crying. She looked up as Natasha entered, her expression guarded. The sight of Y/N in such pain made Natasha's heart ache even more.

"Y/N," Natasha began, her voice trembling. "I know you don't want to see me right now, but I need to explain."

Y/N's gaze was cold. "Explain what? How you lied to me? How I was just a mission to you?"

Natasha shook her head, tears welling up. "No, Y/N. You were never just a mission. Not to me. Let me tell you everything, from the beginning."

Y/N crossed her arms, clearly skeptical but willing to listen. "Go on then."

Natasha took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "When I first found out about you, I was assigned to the mission. It was supposed to be simple— locate you and bring you in. But from the moment I saw you, I knew it wasn't going to be that straightforward. You were different. You were fighting off those thugs with such determination, and I saw something in you that I couldn't ignore."

Y/N's eyes softened slightly, but she remained silent, letting Natasha continue.

"I watched you for a while, trying to understand you," Natasha said, her voice filled with regret. "I saw the pain you were in, the loneliness. I couldn't just complete the mission and hand you over to people who would hurt you. So I made a decision. I approached you, and I tried to get to know you. And the more I got to know you, the more I realized how special you were."

Y/N's eyes filled with tears, but she still didn't speak.

Natasha took a step closer, her voice pleading. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. My feelings for you are real, Y/N. They always have been. I love you." Natasha continued to confess her feelings, her voice raw with emotion. "Y/N, I know I hurt you. I know what I did was unforgivable. But please, believe me."

Y/N finally spoke, her voice trembling with emotion. "How can I believe you, Natasha? After all the things you did?" Y/N's eyes blazing with anger. "Is this the goal, Natasha? Breaking me? Rusting me?"

"No," Natasha answered quickly, shaking her head. "No, that's not it at all. Let me explain everything." Natasha felt a lump in her throat. "I know I've given you every reason not to trust me, but I'm begging you to believe me. I couldn't just let you die, especially not at HYDRA's hands. They're still after you."

Y/N's voice was filled with bitterness. "I just died inside. And it's because of you, Natasha. You killed me, you sleeper cell spy."

Natasha flinched at the harsh words, feeling the weight of her guilt. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never wanted any of this to happen. If I could go back, I would change everything. I'd never do this to you and… and I'm not what I did. Believe me."

Y/N's laugh was cold and sarcastic. "You are what you did, Natasha."

The words echoed in Natasha's mind, clashing with Steve's voice reminding her that who she is isn't defined by what she did. But Y/N's words felt truer in this moment, cutting deeper than any physical wound.

"I'll forget you, Natasha, someday," Y/N said, her voice chillingly calm. "But I'll never forgive."

Natasha's heart shattered at those words. She had known that repairing their relationship would be difficult, but hearing Y/N's definitive statement felt like a death sentence to her hopes.

Y/N continued, her eyes cold and unforgiving. "You're the smallest woman who ever lived."

Natasha stood there, speechless, the weight of Y/N's words pressing down on her like a physical burden. She wanted to fight back, to prove her love and remorse, but the pain in Y/N's eyes told her that it's a bit too late.

three days in the making!! ( became four since i added a few things today, lol ) how was it? was it worth it? i think so. i love tsmwel soooo much!! been playing it over and over and over again. i mean, isn't it obvious? ( 9.361k words… ) let me know what you think and enjoy reading!

if i said best ttpd song, you say what??

[leviscolwill]

ballroom extravaganza

pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader

summary: you always hated arguing with jude, but even more so when you're about to race monaco's streets (wc: 1,7k)

req: jude bellingham x f1 related f!reader ! (driver if u can or js a driver’s relative) where they argue before a match/race that doesn’t go really well + she crashes/dnf or he gets rlly hurt in a match

contents: jude is jealous, reader drives for mclaren w lando (sorry oscar my beloved </3), possible racing inconstancies (i can't drive to save my life), reader crashes (nothing too bad happens tho), gasly slander sorryyyy, language ??, quite angsty but happy (&fluffy) ending i swear

note: i didn't want to make either jude or reader 'the bad guy™' so i hope i didn't side with one more than the other writing the argument part :| i had so much fun writing it, so i hope you enjoy reading it (lmk by rb and giving feedback !!). finally, thank you for requesting anon,, i hope you like it 🫶

now playing: ballroom extravaganza by dpr ian (moodswings in to order)

"i'm just saying, i don't like the way he looked at you when he said that"

"you're being ridiculous jude, he's my teammate and i've known him for years."

jude had always been the jealous type, and you never had any problem with this, until now. he tried to tell you how lando was flirting with you when that's really just how he communicated. sure, he was kinda flirty at times, but he knew you were in a relationship and never crossed any lines with you. but jealousy seemed to get the best of your boyfriend in that moment.

"that's not the point y/n, i'm a man and i know what he meant when he said he'll take you to this 'perfect seaside italian restaurant if your boyfriend won't'. and you just stood there laughing." his voice was louder now, and you hated it whenever jude screamed, especially when those screams were directed at you.

"you're delusional... he didn't imply anything with that, he was only joking." you tried to reason your boyfriend.

"i still don't like it, i'm not asking you to never talk to him again, just make it clear you're-"

"but he knows that jude! i talk about you all the time, let's be serious for a second, come on." you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation you were in, 45 minutes before the monaco grand prix fighting with your boyfriend in your driver room, it was probably the last thing you should be doing on a track where your focus was the most important thing.

you were always grateful whenever jude made time to see you racing because you knew how packed his schedule was. but right now, he was the last person you needed to see given the circumstances.

"jude, please just leave, i'm sick of fighting."

"i'm not leaving, we're having this conversation whether you like it or not." he said in a calmer tone, but it was too late, the damage was done.

"well, you're in my room right now and i want you out. i need to focus and you're not exactly helping right now."

"but we need to talk it out, i don't want you to go while we're fighting." you would have sworn his voice broke a bit when he ended his sentence.

"maybe you shouldn't have picked a fight with me then! maybe you shouldn't be here at all actually..." you practically whisper the last part and you immediately regret the words that came out of your mouth, knowing well you didn't mean them.

"okay then..." jude quickly gets up and you can't help but look at your feet, you can almost feel the sad look on his face.

"i love you."

you wanted to say it back but he closed the door with a loud bang before you could mutter any sound.

the only thing jude left behind was the faint smell of his cologne for you to think about what just happened and not focus on your race at all.

deep breaths. deep breaths were what you needed, you tried to shift your focus on your start, how you needed to get away from sainz, given how close he was to you. whenever your mind drifted off to the argument you had with jude, you found another thing to focus on before the race. the formation lap would start in a couple minutes, your focus needed to be on monaco's streets for at least an hour and a half, then you'll handle the rest later with jude, you always did.

the formation lap started and everything went perfectly well, you just had to wait for the red lights to turn off and you'll be gone, no more thinking, or overthinking.

"it's lights out and away we go in the streets of monaco."

perfect start, now you just had to race like you knew how to for 78 laps. nothing you couldn't do.

the first 46 laps went perfectly, you managed to overtake carlos' ferrari and pierre's alpine. everything went well, then you thought about jude, you knew he was probably still mad at you but you still hoped he was watching the race, waiting for you with papaya-coloured headphones. as your thoughts kept going you were about to get to the trickiest part of the circuit, mirabeau.

as your focus shifted back to your race, you forgot the most important thing, the biggest danger on track is the other drivers.

your brain barely had time to register the bright blue alpine trying to overtake you when there was clearly no space. next thing you knew, your head hit the cockpit. before you hit the wall at god knows what speed, you thought about how you didn't tell jude you loved him back, and how you hoped he was still aware of how much he meant to you in that moment.

pitch black, no sound at all, you couldn't feel anything for about thirty seconds because of the shock.

then everything came back. you felt the urge to move your legs around, they moved. perfect. then you felt like your position was unusual, you came to a conclusion on your own, your car was on its side. you didn't even get to think about getting out because you felt a horrible pain in your head, where it was hit you assumed.

and lastly, you saw the medics making sure you were okay, you moved your hand for them to understand the message. you were okay, they helped you out of the car, saying you would be taken to the infirmary.

you couldn't stop smiling, you felt terrible about the race and it was probably the biggest crash you ever experienced but everything was well, your family and friends saw you get out of the car safely, and you'd be able to tell jude you loved him. everything was well.

you had to answer the medics questions that made you feel like a 4-year-old: "what's your name ? do you know which day of the week it is ?" you knew it was for safety reasons but you absolutely hated it.

jude opened the door in pure jude fashion, loudly. you almost stopped waiting for him at that point but he was here finally.

he didn't even talk to you, words weren't needed. he just held you really tight even though you were still on the, very uncomfortable, infirmary bed. you felt his arms that were holding onto you shake as he kissed your hair.

"you have no idea how fucking terrified i was y/n." while jude had been to a fair few races with you, he'd never seen any big crashes, let alone involving you. yes, you could only imagine how scary that must have been for him, feeling powerless over the situation, you knew it all too well. you felt that way when jude was injured and you were absolutely helpless, of course you never wished for your boyfriend to ever feel that way, but here you were.

"i love you." you felt like it was the first thing you should say right now. "so so so much. i'm sorry for not saying it earlier." jude looked at you as tears started to form in your eyes, he quickly wiped them away and kissed away the sudden wave of sadness surging through you.

"and i'm sorry for getting mad at you, i shouldn't even have told you about it before the race, it was-"

jude was cut short when someone knocked and opened the door quickly after. pierre came in with a sorry look on his face, you heard he dnf after he damaged his car. poor thing.

"y/n, are you okay? i'm sorry about-" he started rambling with a french accent.

"i'm fine don't worry, just... can we talk about it later? you can come to our motorhome, they make great coffee there i swear." you tried to joke to lighten up the atmosphere, but it was still as tense as before.

if looks could kill, gasly would have died right here the way your boyfriend eyed him in silence, his gaze following the driver on his way out.

"what a fucking dickhead. how is he driving a whole f1 car? even i would do a better job than him i swear..." your boyfriend's pettiness amused you, even more so knowing that boy couldn't ride a bike without scaring the life out of you.

his features visibly changed and you knew he wanted to talk your argument out, as you were both calmer about the situation. but he didn't get the chance to speak a word before lando opened the door.

"what did that french hooligan do to my favourite teammate? that was a barbarian try at overtaking really." you laughed at your teammate being dramatic, as always.

"i'm fine, i think gasly needs prescription glasses though, i don't know where he saw the space there but i'm okay."

once again, you felt jude's eyes burning holes in lando's skull as he went silent, he quickly took the hint and left.

you couldn't help but burst out laughing at jude when it was just you two in the room.

"you need to stop glaring at people like that."

"i just don't like him." you took his hand as he looked at you, his look much softer than the one he gave pierre and lando.

"i only want you. alright? it doesn't matter how lando views me, whether what you think is true. he will never be you." you told him stroking your thumb on the back of his hand.

"i know that, i was just mad at how he acted with you. i'm sorry about that. i trust you, 100%. i just don't like how comfortable he was making these comments y'know."

"i get that, i'll make my boundaries clear with him, okay? let's not fight over silly things like that anymore."

jude softly grabbed your jaw and kissed you, you could tell you both needed this talk, and this kiss, to clear the air.

you pull out of the kiss first, suddenly feeling the urge to annoy him.

"you know... you look good when you're jealous, i might try that more often..." jude faked a serious face.

"if attention was what you wanted, you just had to ask love." he joked as you playfully hit his arm.

"just no more leaving without saying 'i love you' alright?" he asks before quickly kissing your forehead.

"never again."

[greycaelum]

Hi Grey! How was ur week? Question for Yakuza Satoru: he got tattoos, but what kind and where? This series fits Gojo-Zenin rivalry so well. Can totally see Naoya being crazy jealous of Satoru, to the point of dying…

So late reply, forgive this tardy woman! Just finished 2 sems in uni and now I still have to do summer but it's manageable so here I am again Quite rusty if I must say, writer's block at its finest...

Thank you for your interest in Coasts and Altitudes, fingers crossed on the next update! With lots of hugs from Grey~

[Pic link] CTTO

"Did it hurt...?" Your eyes flickered as you stared at the elaborate irezumi painting on his broad back, it covered a few old scars, scabs of rose pink peaking a bit on the spaces between the vivid inks, obscuring but not totally hiding the gashes from your sight.

"Mnnn?" Your husband looked back as he searched for a shirt in the closet. he's only wearing cotton shorts and a towel over his shoulder, walking topless around your home since the staff were out for the weekend except for some of his subordinates guarding the perimeter of the house. You've been married for already a month, but still, it's hard to remain focused every time he goes around naked.

"The irezumi... did it hurt?" You bit the insides of your mouth when he faced you with his inked pecs and hard 8-packs distracting your sight. He remained unbeknownst or probably playing clueless as he walked towards you and asked you to dry his hair.

"Not really, I got used to the pain." He shrugged as you kneeled on the bedside behind him and ruffled his hair with the towel. For a man depicted as rough and the violent shady business he deals with daily, Satoru has a penchant of asking you to do domestic and mundane stuff for him.

Your hands stopped drying his hair as you slowly traced the ink much to his amusement.

"What's wrong, princess?" He purrs.

You couldn't answer as you stared at the dragon holding the close lotus form. This oriental dragon represents strength combined with wisdom and usually is benevolent, a protector against those who might usurp control... yet somehow, countless flowers scattered around the dragon, you couldn't quite understand it... not to mention Satoru's chest is still not inked.

"What does your irezumi mean? I can't understand it..." You've seen many irezumi from your father's men, all of them are unique but you've never seen anything compare to Satoru's.

Satoru looked back at you, mirth swirling in his bright eyes, but seeing you can't meet his gaze with how fixated you are in his back he face front to let you stare at his irezumi for now. He opened his mouth, thinking of how to start.

"I wanted to have a Karashishi beast instead of the Ryu, but the person I wanted to protect left... and I need to guard my family's so I chose the dragon..."

You couldn't speak... you already know what he means.

"This peony..." You looked at the lonesome peony on his top left shoulder. "It suits you, wealth and prosperity with your devil-may-care attitude." You swallowed the awkward reply on the tip of your tongue and tried to hide your hesitant tone.

"I couldn't think of anything more to remember you so I chose the Sakura, thinking I needed to remind myself I was just a fleeting moment of your childhood. I would just stay here, protecting my family or else I would've come running after you like a lap dog... I would've begged you to spare attention to me, I don't have a good sense of self control when it's about you."

A fleeting moment of childhood, huh? Your fingers traced the cherry blossoms littered over the dragon. And whose fault was it for pushing you away years ago saying he can only see you as a younger sister? You scoffed and curled your nails on the biggest cherry blossom making him groan.

Satoru turns around and pushes you down the bed, the mattress cushioning you as he plants his arms on the sides of your head. Climbing on top of you as he pushes away the stray hair framing your eyes.

"I've always known even 15 years ago you would cover me with scars... Now that you're finally tied to me I can get that karashishi and perhaps some momiji to add it..."

"Where are you going to put it?"

He chuckled and raised a brow as he took your hand and placed it on his chest.

"On where you'll always be."

Footnotes:

Karashishi "Lion Dog": The local Shinto religion of Japan, which pre-dates Buddhism, also has a lion protector, with a red head, who drives away evil spirits and brings health and wealth. No matter the origin though, the Fu Lion is fundamentally protective, strong, and courageous.

Ryu "Dragon": Oriental dragons are equally at home in the air or in the water. Usually embodying wisdom, strength and manipulating the forces of the universe for the benefit of people. Dragon can also clutch in one of his claws an object that is variously shown as a ball, a pearl, or a jewel, also known as “the closed-lotus form” essentially the essence of the universe, to control the winds, rains, fire and even the planets. This item is essentially seen in various Buddhist designs including temples and grave markers. It represents the spiritual essence of the universe, by which the dragon controls and protects it from those who might usurp those powers.

Sakura "Cherry Blossom": For Japanese imagery, the beautiful period of its flowering and then the all too soon fading and subsequent scattering of petals on the wind, symbolize life itself.  The fragility of the cherry blossom is the fragility of human existence.  they represent mortality, love, magnificent beauty, and sudden death.  It is regarded by all as a good omen.

Botan "Peony":  It is regarded as a symbol of wealth, good fortune, and prosperity.  In addition, though,  it also suggests a sort of gambling, daring, and even a masculine devil-may-care attitude, quite unlike its character in the west.

Momiji "Maple Leaves": In Japan, it’s also the symbol of lovers. A single leaf or a multitude of leaves are also potent symbols of regeneration and resurrection as they cycle through the seasons.

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

Check out the Masterlist for more

All rights and credits of the Jujutsu Kaisen character(s) mentioned images(s) and songs(s) used, belongs to their respective owner(s)

General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey @lexiene @nevermoresworld @loml-riri @pelicanpizza @emichou-chan

[weebsinstash]

He's not in the show yet but as a comic reader I've been thinking a lot about how ABSOLUTELY AWFUL it would be to be a human captive of the Viltrumites and, forget Mark, forget Nolan, those two would not even compare because THRAGG is the real mf you don't want to be yandere for you

I was sitting and thinking about it and like. Just. Imagine being in a relationship or platonic yandere situationship with the Grayson family and then, boom, the invasion happens. You're just a helpless little human and Nolan traps you away to keep you safe while everything you've ever known and loved is taken from you. By the time you're "let out" the Earth and most of its major cities have been all but razed and Viltrumites and their construction drones are EVERYWHERE, rebuilding what was broken, essentially erasing the history of humanity

You're now a "registered human" under the official Viltrumite occupation of Earth. You have to wear an identification badge that can be scanned to identify you, to designate which Viltrumite you belong to, like some cat with a collar tag, and it also tracks your location at all times. Humans have extremely limited rights, and Nolan and Mark heavily restrict which other humans you can interact with because the occupying forces don't want some kind of rebellion (mostly though Mark and Nolan just couldn't risk any dumb humans putting any silly ideas in your head and getting you hurt when this life is good for you after all :( and what if some nasty little rebel tried to kiss you--)

But I just. I just picture Reader being Nolan's mate and at some point, you're sitting in your completely Viltrum-constructed home with Viltrum robots and androids that cook and clean and do everything for you and completely take away all your usefulness and agency for yourself when, someone comes to visit. Another Viltrumite you recognize from the broadcasts on TV. All you understand is that he's Nolan's boss on some level or another, and he came to speak with Nolan, but since the man isn't here, all his questions are directed to you

Can you even imagine you're like sitting there already suicidal and in comes Thragg asking why you aren't pregnant yet, like literally wanting actual fucking details about why you haven't bore a single child despite being with Nolan for a few years. I'm talking complete dehumanization as Thragg is asking you TO YOUR FACE how often you're having sex with Nolan, which positions, what do you do in bed, acting like you're doing something wrong. He asks what you do after mating and you just kind of start to reply and he sort of smirks, "you can still walk afterward?" And he seems grossly smug about it, but, this is a very threatening conversation to you. You have a man who could reduce you to paste at any moment and completely take away any luxury or privilege you and Nolan have and he's asking you extremely intimate questions you have to answer through ground teeth and at some point I'm sure he starts on about, "your duty as a woman"

Nolan comes home completely unaware that Thragg has been there and you're still sobbing on your hands and knees as you literally scrub the spotless floors by hand because Thragg told you what a submissive little servant you're expected to be as a lowly human woman and Nolan is trying to comfort you and your hands and fingers are literally pruning from cleaner as you keep crying and refuse to stop "because it's not good enough, it's not good enough"

At some point Nolan and Thragg get into it. Nolan is sent off on some mission that he very slightly underperformed on, or maybe he actually made a really huge tactical error, and here's Thragg, deciding to punish Nolan by. Taking you. Just straight up taking you away from Nolan like you're some kind of privilege he has been allowed and YEAH it is to be a servant/mate for Thragg himself. And Nolan makes a big fuss about how he's one of the ones who helped even conquer this damn rock, how dare the Grand Regent take his mate, but Thragg doesn't care and even if other Viltrumites who serve under him disagree, as you know he rules with such an iron fist that none dare to speak up

Can you even imagine you were with Nolan for like 5 years overall with never so much as a pregnancy scare and Thragg has you for like two months and boom, you're pregnant, in fact you're INSANELY pregnant, you've got TWINS, and for you noncomic readers, Viltrumite DNA is literally so aggressive that twins are literally quite literally unheard of because they cannibalize in the womb or only the strongest lives so, now you've presented Thragg with these nice shiny new little trophies he can self aggrandize over. The first Viltrumite twins in the entire history of their culture, and they're Thragg's

(Something something "what if thragg was having birth control put in your food so you wouldn't become pregnant by Nolan before he could manufacture an excuse to take you for himself" something something)

I also think like. Thragg had the twins in the comics, Ursaal and Onaan, so like. What if he already had the twins when you're taken from Nolan and you give him TRIPLETS. Like. Jesus not only is your fate sealed, you're going in the goddamn Viltrum history books as some sort of magical womb the oh so virile Grand Regent Thragg managed to conquer for himself idk 🙄🙄🙄

But I think it's just the concept of. Such a monstrously violent and cold dude realizing he has uncontrollable feelings for you and they're like FEELINGS FEELINGS, but he literally doesn't know how to act so he's being. Like. Kind of just blatantly shitty and abusive most of the time. You give him any lip and he's got his hands on your throat and threatening you but internally he's like. Turned on by your spice. He wishes you were a Viltrumite so he could be rougher with you. You two have a rare argument where you get those oh so rarely seen guts to talk down to him and later that night he's putting you in your place underneath him fucking you like he's trying to get another brood of children out of you

Think of just the little ways he could show affection which is completely foreign to him and he like doesn't even realize his own behavior and is rationalizing it as something else. He sees you talking to Ursaal one day, combing her hair, telling her that she could potentially consider cutting her hair as males tend to grab it as a battle tactic and he feels a little warmth in his chest as Ursaal dutifully nods "Yes Mother" and Onaan is lurking around the corner, jealous. Thragg forces you to make public appearances with him and you learn how to temper your emotions better, and you'll be brought along to school functions for the children, like Thragg smirking internally as you scold Onaan that he lost a scheduled fight because he's arrogant and wasn't properly paying attention to his opponents

You're forcibly assimilated deeper into Viltrumite culture, but you're also humanizing the Viltrumites you interact with. Ursaal and Onaan realize that they deeply desire more affection and support as children and become fiercely protective of you because you actually treat them with kindness. Thragg can act indifferent to you at best but one day you realize that you have significantly more privileges as his mate than Nolan's and you march off to Thragg's place of work because maybe the twins wanted you to see where they work with their father and you're brought into Thragg's office and he's as stonefaced as ever while you're like. Surrounded by photos of yourself just all over the place. The one on his desk directly in front of him isn't even one of you smiling, it's you scowling with a glare and looking pissed and apparently that one is his favorite. And Thragg is like not even bothered by you seeing all these photos, and his kids are just completely nonchalant like this is all totally normal, "oh, Father, you had a memorial photo made from where you and Mother visited my school, I like this one--" as if these uh collages have been up for quite some time, some maybe even taken from security cameras from your time with Nolan--

I just picture like. Can you imagine the triplet scenario and you wind up giving Thragg Mark, Ursaal, and Onaan, and you bond more with Mark as a late bloomer and the one who is the most human and his siblings are getting monstrously jealous and Thragg doesn't want his legacy tied to a weak powerless Viltrumite, like this man would rather have Mark be dead than not have powers, and Thragg is trying to force you and Mark apart. Can you even conceive like, being a mom and you walk into the room and your son is being absolutely brutalized by his father who is convinced he is hiding his powers or something and you have to shield your own son from his father before he kills him. Could you EVEN IMAGINE Thragg going to throw Mark off of whatever cyberpunk skyscraper nightmare you're living in because he's convinced the panic will make his boy finally learn how to fly and you have to watch as he just drops your (favorite) child off the building and Mark ... never comes back up. Thragg just sees how absolutely devastated you are and convinces himself it's because you're emotional and weak and just casually, "we can make another" (although I imagine in this scenario Mark was saved by Nolan and the two train and eventually basically spearhead a rebellion against Thragg and his empire and rescue you and restore Earth, but, whatever lmao)

I feel like as a general thing, yandere Thragg would often indulge in and enjoy the fact you couldn't deny him sex, because even if you try to deny him, what are you gonna do, overpower him? So he uses it to assert control over you. You snap at him or mouth off, you're getting railed that night to remind you how powerless you are, that you're still his mate. You two have a nasty fight where you legitimately manage to wound his pride, you're getting fucked near unconscious and you're essentially "grounded" for the next few days if not weeks where you aren't allowed to leave your home (maaaaybe because you've managed to make him insecure that his little mate doesn't like him 👉👈 he can't have anyone else steal you away, not when you're making him feel all these powerful emotions he doesn't even know what to call)

You're not even aware of it but the surveillance systems in your home are being CONSTANTLY tuned into all the time, if not by him, then by his own children who are tasked with watching you. I also feel like having the kids on the mix kind of makes everything kind of grotesque. Like imagine you just wake up and you're going by your business one day and you walk into the room and Thragg has your like 5 year old toddlers gathered around a table with knives and weapons on it and you hear little Mark say, "all these things can hurt Mom?" "They can" "even though they're so soft?" "Only to Viltrumites like us" "Mother is really that... weak?" And you realize Thragg is turning your own children into weapons to use against you, watch you, report back to him, because... your kids aren't like you. They're Viltrumites like him and he'll be damned if you make them 'too soft'

But I imagine a day comes when he's forced to at least semi-confront these feelings. Ursaal and Onaan are dedicated little soldiers to him, but also seem to respect your authority as their mother, something Thragg also sometimes encourages (since your "rank" as their mother earns a certain degree of respect and he's trying to teach them to respect the chain of command, even if you are a soft human). Ursaal and Onaan take a mission to another planet with their father and they return and Onaan has a gift for you, an alien flower he thought you might like, something he took without telling his father, but. He doesn't realize there's something wrong with it, something that wouldnt bother a Viltrumite but would definitely harm a human. The second you touch the plant, the second some of its pollen touches your akin, enters your lungs, you start becoming ill, very, very, very ill.

Thragg is trying to tell himself you're just another mate to him, just another bearer of his many many many children that he has no emotional attachments to, but the second he receives word that you might ACTUALLY BE DYING like genuinely actually fucking dying, there's no hesitation. The next time you open your eyes, you're in a Viltrum-run hospital in a lavish sanitized room receiving ONLY the best of care as Thragg is sitting in a chair beside your bed staring directly at you as if he had been staring at your unconscious body perhaps the entire time you were asleep. There's almost a visible relaxation of his posture as you're able to hold a conversation with him, but, his voice is, lowered but firm as he tells you you have yet to fully recover, that you're in isolation to reduce the risk of foreign pathogens. He feels the need to tell you in detail how severely Onaan was beaten for almost costing you your life, almost as if he's seeking your approval, some sort of forgiveness. You ask him how long he's been sitting there and he just deflects and tells you you're still too weak to hold a conversation and to conserve your strength, that the two of you can speak later.

Once you've recovered, it doesn't even seem like he's that interested in sex anymore, but the notoriously sturdy Viltrumite is suddenly returning home much more often now, if only to hold you as you sleep in the marital bed you share with him....

I guess as one final, final suggestion, I can't get over like. Is there an upper limit on the whole "oh you had Viltrum DNA but it just didn't kick in yet" thing. Could you imagine like, once the Viltrum invasion has begun and you're "acquired" for either Nolan or Thragg or whomever, you're scanned or whatever by Viltrum tech and they're like "oh hey what up, Viltrumite DNA detected? Dope?" And maybe it could even be "weak" like from a grandparent or something but, it inevitably "kicks in" and now you have to confront all the new caveats this brings with you. You're expected to live as a Viltrumite now. Maybe Thragg seems to find you a little less pathetic and personally wants to train you himself because he doesn't want the most publicly visible and famous of his mates to be weak. Also just maybe he's glad he can have rougher sex with you. I can just imagine he's forcing you two to have some sort of spar amd you have some sort of natural aptitude or higher than average strength and you wind up really giving him at least ONE really good fucking punch to the face and he's wrestling you down, pinning you down and forcing a kiss onto you as the blood from his broken nose drips onto both of your faces, like

Yeah, anyways I have normal feelings about this series tee hee 😘

[katyawriteswhump]

top of the world, steddie microfic

For @steddiemicrofic May prompt ‘Top’.

Rating: T  CW: None WC: 510  Tags: kid fic, flashback, established Steddie, mild angst.

Inspired by a discord plot bunny from @bananahoneycomb that I've totally not done justice to (where steddie have been dating for a while before they realize they once knew each other before. ) Thank you anyway <3

... 

Eddie’s gotten Steve squished between him and a tree, and they’re kissing each other stupid. When they break apart—breathing is tragically necessary—Eddie glances to the treetops to snatch a giddy, Is this real? moment. Steve dabs his tongue around kiss-swollen lips and leans in to start the kiss over.

Eddie’s still staring upward: “Holy shit!”

“What is it?”

“I remember this exact tree. Some kid I once knew got stuck in it.”

Steve glances skyward, tenses, colour draining from his face. “Jesus, Munson—that was me.”

…

1977

“Johnny?”

On hearing his friend shouting from the treetop, Eddie cringed. If he’d known he’d pass the best month ever with this kid, he wouldn’t have lied about his name.

“I’m at the top, Johnny! C’mon!”

“Still gonna pass, Han. Not a huge fan of heights.”

“Wuss.”

“Ever coming down?”

Eddie waited. And waited. Han shouted, “Sure you won’t climb up?”

“Look, you win. You’re the dude. I’m a candy-ass dweeb.”

“Johnny, please.” Han’s voice turned wobbly. “You gotta help me. I’m stuck.”

…

“Hey, kid?” A voice rumbled from the bottom of Steve’s tree. “It’s Deputy Hopper. Got a ladder here. You think you can climb down?”

Steve’s arms and legs ached from clinging to the branches. He’d been AWESOME going up. Descending, he’d peeped downward, totally frozen up.

“N-not sure.” Steve sniffled. “C-can’t move.”

He daren’t even wipe his tears. This epically sucked. Being rescued like a stranded kitten was humiliating. Knowing he’d made a dork of himself in front of Johnny hurt worse.

“It’s Han, right?” called Hopper, ascending the ladder. Steve cringed. The dumbass things he’d done to impress Johnny! Then again, who wouldn’t want to be Han Solo for a summer? “You local?”

“It’s not Han. It’s Steve Harrington.” He bit his wibbly lower lip. When his parents discovered he’d been playing with strange kids in the forest, he’d be in deep shit. Right now, he didn’t care. “I want to go home.”

…

Eddie and Steve start garbling as one:

“Seriously?” Steve plants his hands furiously on his hips. “You deserted me up the stupid tree! I never saw you again!”

“Got help, didn’t I? I was scared too. When I knew you were safe, I basically fled—inherited my Dad’s healthy suspicion of the police, okay? Anyhow, you never showed again, either.”

“I was grounded till fall!”

“My mom moved away for work! I came back to Hawkins, years later, and then… I guess I had tats, the rocker hair. I looked for you, but… You used to be blonder, right, Han?”

“Yeah, Johnny?”

“Wanted to be Johnny Rotten—my short-lived Sex Pistols phase. Felt bad for lying. I didn’t expect to like you.”

“Well, I did all that shit to impress you. I guess you were my first crush. I was miserable for ages when you literally vanished.”

“Back at ya!”

They glare. Eddie’s fingers return to the nape of Steve’s neck, stroking tenderly. “Guess this makes us childhood sweethearts. How vomit-inducingly sweet.”

Steve huffs, rolls his eyes, and they launch into another blisteringly hot make-out session.

[artificialfanfiction]

Can you do something with Noah and reader being friends for a very long time, he has only ever known her as having a boyfriend. Reader and Noah have grown closer over the years but right now he can't seem to figure out what's bothering her, she's very quiet and withdrawn lately. Everyone comes over for a BBQ or get together and Noah realizes reader isn't wearing the ring her boyfriend got for her so many years ago (maybe there's a tan line on her finger). When he asks her, she just smiles sadly and makes up an excuse. Noah somehow eventually finds out that reader has been living in her car since the breakup (a few weeks) and when he confronts her, she breaks down and tells him she caught her boyfriend cheating and couldn't stay in the apartment they shared but was too stubborn to ask for help (maybe she tries to justify it by saying it's only for a little while, she almost has enough saved for an apartment). Noah moves her into the house but they have to share a room. The rest is up to you ❤️❤️

Thank you for your request! Hope you liked it!

The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the lively BBQ gathering in Noah's backyard. The smell of sizzling burgers and laughter filled the air, yet y/n remained unusually subdued, her eyes often drifting to the spot where her ring finger once gleamed with a symbol of commitment. Noah noticed the absence of the ring, a ring he had seen on her hand countless times over the years, and the faint tan line that whispered of its recent departure. Concern etched his features as he approached her, a plate of food in hand. "Hey, you okay?" he asked gently, placing the plate down next to her. "You've been pretty quiet today." y/n managed a weak smile, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I'm just tired," she replied, her voice a soft echo of its usual vibrancy. "You know, work and stuff." But the sadness in her eyes spoke volumes, and Noah couldn't shake the feeling that something was deeply amiss.

Noah's heart sank at her response, knowing there was more to the story than she was letting on. He studied her for a moment, the silence between them thick with unspoken words. "Look, if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm here," he offered, his voice filled with genuine concern. y/n's eyes searched his, and for a brief moment, it seemed she might just crumble under the weight of her secret. But she took a deep breath and composed herself, flashing him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Thanks, Noah," she said, her voice a little too bright. "It's just…well, it's complicated." The conversation lingered awkwardly until the buzz of the gathering grew louder as more guests arrived, pulling Noah away to tend to the grill. Yet, his mind remained with her, the unspoken truth a persistent thorn in his side. As the night wore on and the stars began to peek through the darkening sky, he found himself unable to ignore the sadness that seemed to have taken up residence in his once vibrant friend.

The evening progressed, with the clinking of glasses and the hum of conversations, but Noah couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with y/n. After everyone had left and the last embers of the BBQ had died down, he found her sitting alone on the porch, her eyes fixed on the distant horizon. He sat down beside her, the quiet of the night enveloping them. "You know, I've known you for a really long time," he began, his voice low and measured. "And I can tell when something's bothering you." He reached over and took her hand, the absence of the ring glaringly obvious. "What's going on, really?" y/n's eyes filled with unshed tears, and she took a shaky breath. "It's over," she finally whispered. "What's over?" Noah asked, though he had a sinking suspicion he already knew the answer. She looked at him, her gaze filled with a mix of pain and embarrassment. "Me and Mark. He…he cheated on me." The words hung in the air, heavy and laden with hurt. Noah's jaw tightened as he processed the revelation, his protective instincts flaring. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Y/n shrugged, her eyes downcast. "I don't know," she murmured. "I guess I was too proud. I thought I could handle it on my own." Noah squeezed her hand reassuringly. "You don't have to handle everything alone," he said firmly. "Not when you've got friends like us." The silence that followed was filled with the unspoken understanding that their friendship had shifted, grown stronger in the face of her heartache. He could see the struggle in her eyes, the internal battle between admitting her vulnerability and maintaining her independence. But he knew that sometimes, the bravest thing you could do was ask for help. And he was determined to be there for her, no matter what the cost.

With a heavy sigh, y/n leaned into Noah's side, the weight of her secret finally lifted. "I've been living in my car," she admitted, her voice barely audible. "I couldn't stay in the apartment after…you know." Noah's eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "What? That's ridiculous!" He pulled her into a tight embrace, his mind racing with the implications of her confession. "You can't keep doing that," he murmured against her hair. "You're coming home with me." y/n stiffened, protests forming on her lips, but Noah cut her off gently. "I insist. You can stay with me until you get back on your feet. It's only for a little while." Despite her initial hesitation, the warmth of his embrace and the sincerity in his voice melted her stubbornness. She nodded, her voice trembling. "Okay. Thank you."

As they walked inside, the reality of their new living situation began to sink in. They would be sharing a room, a thought that sent a strange mix of comfort and anxiety through Noah. He had never seen her so vulnerable, so broken, and the urge to protect and care for her was overwhelming. They climbed the stairs to the spare room, the space suddenly feeling much smaller with the weight of their shared secret between them. "You can have the bed," he said, gesturing to the neatly made up mattress. "I'll take the couch." y/n's eyes searched his, a silent question in their depths. "Are you sure?" she asked, her voice a mere whisper. Noah nodded, his resolve unwavering. "Yeah, I'm sure." He helped her gather her things from the car, each item a stark reminder of her shattered life. As they settled in for the night, the walls of their friendship grew thinner, the line between comfort and something more undefined blurring ever so slightly. And as they lay in the quiet darkness, separated by the span of a room that now felt like a world, Noah made a silent vow to be the rock she needed, no matter where their newfound closeness might lead.

The next day dawned with a soft light, filling the room and illuminating y/n’s tear stained pillow. Noah awoke early, his mind racing with thoughts of how to make her feel more at home. He slipped out of the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her, and started a pot of coffee. Downstairs, he found an empty spot on the fridge, the perfect place for the reader's favorite childhood photo, which she had brought with her the night before. As he placed it there, he heard the soft padding of her footsteps on the stairs. She looked exhausted, but there was a hint of gratitude in her eyes when she saw the photo. "Thank you," she murmured, her voice still thick with sleep. Noah handed her a steaming mug, and they sat at the kitchen table, the quiet of the early morning wrapping around them like a blanket. "We're going to get through this together," he assured her, his voice strong and steady. y/n took a sip of her coffee, her hand trembling slightly. "I've never been so scared," she confessed. "But I'm not alone anymore." And with that, their journey of healing and rebuilding began, one shared meal and comforting conversation at a time, the walls between them continuing to crumble as they found refuge in their unshakeable friendship.

Over the following days, Noah and y/n fell into a gentle routine, their friendship evolving into something more profound as they navigated the complexities of her heartbreak. They spent their mornings sipping coffee and sharing stories, the warmth of their bond a soothing balm to the raw wounds of her recent past. Afternoons were filled with job hunting and apartment searching, y/n's determination to regain her independence a testament to her strength. And at night, as they lay in the quiet of their shared space, the air grew thick with unspoken feelings, the line between friendship and something deeper becoming increasingly difficult to discern. One evening, as they watched a movie together, the silence grew heavier than usual. Noah felt y/n's eyes on him, and when he turned to meet her gaze, he knew that she was contemplating whether to speak her truth. He held his breath, waiting for the words that might forever alter the course of their relationship. y/n took a deep breath, her eyes searched Noah's, and she finally spoke. "I know you've noticed…I've been looking at apartments, but the truth is, I'm not ready to leave yet," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know if it's because of what happened or because of how safe I feel here with you, but…I just can't imagine being anywhere else right now." Noah's heart skipped a beat, the weight of her words settling in his chest. He knew he had feelings for her, feelings that went beyond friendship, but he didn't want to burden her with them during such a fragile time. "You can stay as long as you need," he assured her, his voice gentle. "But we should talk about what this means for us. I don't want to complicate things, but I can't ignore what I'm feeling." y/n's eyes searched his, and she nodded slowly, a soft smile gracing her lips. "I think we should," she said. "Because I've been feeling it too." With that, the air in the room shifted, the tension of their unspoken confessions melding into a newfound understanding. They sat there, in the quiet of the night, the flicker of the TV their only company, as they both contemplated the uncharted waters of love that lay before them, unsure of where their hearts would lead but ready to explore it together.

The next day, after a morning of apartment hunting that yielded no promising results, y/n decided to stay in, feeling emotionally drained. Noah suggested they take a break from the stress and watch a movie, hoping to lift her spirits. As the film played out, their bodies grew closer on the couch, and without thinking, his arm found its way around her shoulders. y/n leaned into him, her eyes never leaving the screen. When the movie ended, the silence stretched between them, charged with a newfound awareness of their proximity. Noah cleared his throat, his heart racing. "You know," he began, his voice tentative. "We don't have to rush into anything." y/n turned to face him, her eyes reflecting the same uncertainty and hope. "I know," she said softly. "But I don't want to ignore this either." And with that, she reached up and touched his cheek, her hand lingering there for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her, a gentle pressure that spoke of years of pent up emotions. It was a kiss that promised comfort, understanding, and maybe, just maybe, the beginnings of something more. The room seemed to hold its breath as they pulled away, their eyes locked, and for the first time in weeks, the reader felt a spark of something other than pain it was the flicker of a new possibility, a light in the darkness that promised a future filled with love and healing.

[maximoffcarter]

Night.

Pairings: Casey Novak x reader.

Warnings: Mentions of rape, mentions of trauma.

Summary: Focused on 6x20. Reader and Casey had been dating for a while now, but Casey decided to keep her relationship a secret for safe. After a new case, Casey wonders if she would hide if something happened to her from her partner.

A/n: This was requested by @alexandracabotswife, based on 6x20, some things I changed, some things stayed the same...there is angst in this. BUT there's a happy ending no worries, friends. I swear I already know the whole chapter by memory for how many times I've wrote about it and I believe I have another request but with Calex hahaha. Keep the requests coming you guys! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

Casey Novak was known for being private when it came to her private life, the only thing they knew about her that was out of work, was that she played softball and that was about it. She never thought that it was necessary to tell the squad about her life, so she just focused on her job. The moment Olivia told her about what had happened to her years ago with her mom, she knew that somehow they had passed from being just coworkers to friends, creating a new bond that she thought it’d take longer to get. After a while, she thought about telling Olivia about her partner, but she knew that once it was out there that she had a partner, she could put her at risk if any case had a turn and they wanted to threaten anyone from the squad, so she opted to still keep it a secret for a little longer. It was better for her because that way she wouldn’t have to share her girlfriend with anyone else.

Y/n knew how this whole thing would go the moment she knew Casey was an ADA, and she didn’t blame her at all, she was more than okay with it. She had a busy life too and the only times she really got to see Casey were after her long shifts and whenever she got to escape for a bit at lunch time, which sometimes happened to be at the same time as Casey’s. They managed to have an easy routine in their lives to make their relationship work and even if for other people this was hectic and would definitely not work at all, for Casey and y/n worked perfectly, and they couldn’t be happier. Y/n dreaded the nights where Casey called telling her that she’d stay longer in the office, she knew the cases, she was always the one who received the rape patients and she happened to see the detectives coming to take their statement, and she feared that one day someone could hurt Casey and she’d appear in her ER.

Y/n sighed in relief as she heard the door closing, looking up from her book and waiting for Casey to appear in the room. She smiled when she saw the blonde, a smile on her face. “Hey you.”

“Hi.” Casey smiled softly as she walked to y/n and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I thought I’d find you asleep.”

Y/n shrugged. “I wanted to wait for you.” She smiled softly as her eyes followed Casey around the room.

“Sorry I came home late. I needed to finish some paperwork for tomorrow.” Casey sighed as she grabbed her pajamas, turning to look at her girlfriend. “You should sleep, your shift starts tomorrow at 7 am, right?”

“Yeah, so you better hurry cause I want my girlfriend to hold me.” Y/n smiled softly.

Casey chuckled as she nodded. “Coming.” She smiled as she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Not long after, she came out the bathroom, turning off all the lights and crawling into bed with y/n. She kissed her lips softly and wrapped her arms around her. “Your day was okay?”

Y/n rested her head against Casey’s chest and nodded. “It was okay. I got some reading done and I did some laundry. I forgot I needed some clean scrubs.”

Casey smiled. “Good. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it for dinner.”

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” Y/n smiled softly.

Casey nodded as she kissed her forehead. “I am. I’m always coming home, baby.”

“You better.” Y/n turned to kiss Casey’s neck softly and bury her face in it. “Don’t mind me, the book is getting sadder the more I read it and it’s getting to me.”

Casey chuckled softly. “It’s fiction, my love. And I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. And you better not go anywhere either.”

Y/n shook her head. “Not planning on it, you can’t get rid of me, Novak.” She looked up at Casey and smiled. “We made a pact, remember? No breaking up in this relationship. You done with me? Go to sleep.”

“And I’ll keep that pact.” Casey smiled as she leaned down to kiss her lips.

********************

“Do you think Nina said anything to Milan now that she was almost deported?” Olivia asked as she looked up at Casey.

Casey shrugged. “I don’t think so. Or maybe she did, but I cannot imagine how he could’ve reacted.” She sighed. “I mean, I get why she wouldn’t tell him. But go through the whole thing alone?”

“Sometimes it’s easier to go through it alone than drag someone with us. And not only that, but their beliefs have a lot to do with it.” Olivia shrugged. “Sometimes it’s harder to talk to the people we care about and show them weakness.”

Casey nodded softly as she looked down at her hands. “Would you tell someone?” She looked up at Olivia.

Olivia stared at her for a moment, sighing softly. “I’m not sure. All I have is you guys. And I’m sure even if I tried to hide it, you’d hear about it.” She grinned. “How about you? Anyone I should know about?”

It was Casey’s time to stare at Olivia, not sure if this was the moment she confessed she had a relationship or if she should lie about it. She nibbled on her lip for a moment as her eyes returned to her hands, fidgeting with the pen she had in her hands. “She’d find out too.” She said softly, almost in a whisper.

Olivia frowned, a faint grin on her face. “She?”

Casey smiled as she looked at Olivia. “You know Dr. y/l/n? Head of trauma?”

Olivia tilted her head as she smirked. “Casey Novak…you were holding out on me.”

“For personal reasons.” Casey grinned. “You know the job, Liv. I might only be an attorney but…I didn’t want her to get involved in case someone decided to threaten me.”

Olivia nodded. “I understand that.” She smiled. “How long?”

“Almost a year. We’re already living together.” Casey smiled. “We agreed to keep it private. She knows I work here.”

“I’m happy for you, Case.” Olivia smiled. “So…would you like her to know?”

“Like I said…she’d probably be the first one to know but…the thought of worrying her…I hate to see her sad.”

“You’re her girlfriend, you cannot avoid it.” Olivia raised her brow as she grinned. “You’d like to know if something happened to her, right?”

Casey nodded. “I mean, it’s stupid that we’re even talking about this, she literally put herself as my emergency contact, and she put me as hers.”

“Of course she would.” Olivia chuckled softly. “She just wants to make sure you’re safe. You got yourself a doctor, Case. And not only a doctor, but a head of trauma.” She grinned as she teased. “You not getting out of it easily.”

Casey chuckled. “I know that. I’m lucky.” She smiled softly.

********************

“Lunch delivery for Casey Novak?”

Casey looked up and smiled softly as she looked at her girlfriend. “I’m Casey.”

“Such a beautiful woman. Would it be too forward to ask for your number?” Y/n closed the door behind her and walked to Casey’s desk, dropping the bag of food.

Casey shrugged. “I’m taken, sorry.”

Y/n nodded, making sure the blinds were closed and then looked back at Casey. “Correct answer, you passed the test.” She leaned down and whispered the last word against Casey’s lips, kissing her softly.

Casey smiled against her lips. “I’m glad you had the chance to come.”

Y/n grabbed a chair and placed it beside Casey, sitting down and opening the bag. “Well, I have about an hour before my pager goes off, but I at least wanted to see my pretty girl.” She looked at Casey. “Still on with the case?”

Casey sighed. “Yeah, he’s back with his mom but…” she shrugged. “We just need to look a bit more into this. I’ll probably have to stay late again. I’m sorry I can’t take you to the airport.” She grabbed the box that y/n handed her and placed it in front of her, putting away some paperwork.

“That’s okay, love. I can get there alone.” Y/n smiled. “I should only be gone for 5 days, just a few conferences and then I’ll be back.”

Casey nodded. “Just let me know when you’re there and try updating me every chance you get.”

Y/n looked back at Casey and smiled softly, swallowing the food she had in her mouth to answer Casey. “You’re cute when you’re all overprotective.”

Casey chuckled as she noticed the mustard on the side of her lip, leaning in and licking it clean. “You’re my girlfriend, that’s my job.”

Y/n looked at her straight in the eyes and grinned. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Novak.”

Casey smirked. “Ever heard of teasing, y/l/n?”

“Oh, you don’t wanna do that.” Y/n leaned in and kissed her lips painfully slowly. But before she could make another move, her pager went off, making her groan. She looked at it and sighed softly. “Guess I’ll have to finish my lunch later.”

Casey sighed softly and nodded. “Make sure you do. And thank you for coming, even if it was for a bit.” She smiled.

“Always.” Y/n smiled and kissed her lips one last time. “I’ll see you in a few days, okay? Try not to get in trouble.”

Casey chuckled. “And you be safe, you better not find anyone new there.” She teased.

“How could I? I already got the girl of my dreams.” Y/n winked at her. “I love you.” She smiled as she grabbed her lunch and walked out of the office.

Casey smiled softly as she watched her girlfriend go, sighing as she leaned back in her chair. The conversation with Olivia played in her mind as she looked at the files. She knew she was overprotective herself, with the cases she worked, she just wanted to make sure that her girlfriend was safe, and she knew y/n wanted the same for Casey, which is what made them work so perfectly well, because they understood each other’s worries. Casey mentioned Charlie to y/n, she had never really talked about the trauma that it had left on her, flinching at any possible moment if someone near her raised a hand, was definitely not into choking, and many other things that with the time she had noticed that she did, and y/n had accepted her fully, with trauma, fears, and all. She was the only one who truly knew what had happened with Charlie, and she felt so lucky to have someone like her. She felt loved and safe, she felt cared for, and she wanted the same y/n.

********************

The last thing Casey expected was to get attacked at her office and not remember anything about it. Did she fight back? Did she get to hurt him? She always had her softball bat near her, whether she was going to the batting cages, or she just left it there to have a replacement in case she forgot hers back home. Did she remember to grab it and try to defend herself? She couldn’t remember a thing, and she knew it was okay, it happened, it wasn’t weird for her to not remember anything. Olivia told her the damage she had suffered, she didn’t wake up for a whole day, and she could definitely feel the pain radiating through her body, but she didn’t want to show more weakness as it was. She was glad it was Olivia and not Elliot who went to check on her, cause then she’d also have to hide the fact that she just wanted to burst down into tears. She cried for a bit more, feeling Olivia’s hand holding hers for comfort and to let her know she was there.

“Liv?” Casey whispered softly as she looked at her.

“Yes? Do you need something, honey?” Olivia asked softly.

Casey felt more tears rolling down her cheek as she looked at Olivia. “Don’t tell y/n.”

Olivia sighed. “Casey-“

“Please.” Casey pleaded as her bottom lip trembled. “She’s away. She’s not coming back yet and I…I don’t want her to panic. I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, Casey.” Olivia shook her head. “She’ll figure it out once she’s back.”

“I’ll deal with it then. I don’t want her to know what happened to me.”

“And what, you’re gonna lie to her? Sweetheart-“

“Please, Liv.” Casey whispered softly. “I know I need…to tell her but…” she sobbed. “I don’t want her to panic. She’s been waiting for these conferences for a while, and-“

“And don’t you think she’ll drop everything to come to you? Casey, she’s your partner. You told me, she’d want to know if something happened to you, just like you’d want to know. What if…” Olivia sighed. “What if it was her here? Wouldn’t you want to know?”

Casey closed her eyes as she took a shaky breath. “Yes.” She whispered.

“They discharge you tomorrow morning. We’ll let tonight pass, but tomorrow morning, we’re calling her, Casey.” Olivia said softly.

Casey looked back at Olivia with sad eyes, nodding softly. “Okay.”

Olivia nodded. “Okay. And I’m staying here with you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Casey offered a small smile. “Thanks.”

Casey knew it was wrong, she knew that she’d want to get to the hospital as soon as they called her. She was surprised that the hospital decided not to call her the moment she arrived, but Olivia had told the nurses to keep this case to themselves for now until they knew Casey was not in danger anymore. Casey tried to sleep, she really tried, the painkillers doing wonders to stop the pain, but her mind couldn’t stop spinning around, she tried so hard to remember what happened to her, how it all went bad in an instant. She didn’t tell Olivia, but she heard her asking a nurse if she had the results back from the rape kit, wanting to make sure she was clear because she had found Casey with her shirt open and her pants unbuttoned, and she wanted to sigh in relief once she heard the kit was clear and she had not been raped, but they had tried to do it, whoever did this to her, they were about to do it. Part of her wished that y/n was there, holding her and telling her that things will be alright, but also she was glad that she had been away when this happened, because if it had been y/n finding her in her office, she wouldn’t be able to bear with the thought of having y/n wondering if she was okay or not.

********************

Casey groaned as she sat back down in the hospital bed, trying to ignore the awful pain all over her body and also frustrated at the fact that she’d need to use a stupid cane for the next few days. She was 30 years old and already using a cane. She had told Olivia that she could just grab a cab or something to head back home but both Olivia and Stabler rejected her idea, telling her to wait for Olivia to show up once she was done in the precinct. She felt tired from laying down for a whole day, but she tried to walk, and she got just as tired. It was mostly the pain, she couldn’t hold herself on her feet for longer than 10 min or the pain would show up. She was thinking about lying back down or trying to walk again for a bit but before she could make that choice, she heard the door handle, thinking Olivia had finally arrived but her heart stopped at the sight of her girlfriend.

“Y/n.” Casey whispered softly.

Y/n closed the door behind her and stared at Casey. A mix of anger and worry painted her face. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Y/n, I-“

“No. You told Olivia to tell the nurses to put you as Jane Doe so I wouldn’t find out? But do I need to remind you that they also work for me, and they know I’m dating you?” Y/n stood at the door the whole time, not showing any other emotion other than seriousness, while her arms were crossed.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I’m fine, and you were-“

“Fine, Casey? You-“ Y/n scoffed. “You have bruises all over your face, your left eye is swollen you can’t even open it, you got broken ribs. You could’ve had something worse than a concussion, Casey.”

Casey looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry.” She whispered softly, her voice cracking a bit.

Y/n sighed as she closed her eyes for a moment, feeling her eyes getting teary. She looked back at Casey and walked to her, sitting down next to her, and wrapping her arm around her shoulders carefully. “I’m sorry, baby. I just…the thought of you…here, alone. Seeing you like this.” Her voice broke for a moment as she spoke. “And I wasn’t here.”

Casey looked back at y/n and shook her head. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You’re my girlfriend, that’s my job.” Y/n smiled as she saw Casey smiling. She kissed her head softly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have talked to you that way.”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t call you.” Casey looked at her and shrugged. “Can’t say I wouldn’t have reacted the same way you did. And do not dare to figure out if I would.”

Y/n chuckled. “I won’t.”

“Who told you anyway?”

Y/n sighed. “It so happened that the last day of conferences were cancelled. Dr. Morton got sick, and he decided he’d reschedule the conferences but here in New York as soon as he recovers. I called the hospital to let my boss know I was back in New York and to my surprise, Janice mentions that she saw my girlfriend last night and she promised she’d take care of you until I came to pick her up.” She raised her brow as she grinned. “Guess the note didn’t get to her in time.”

“Guess not.” Casey smiled as she sighed. “Olivia was supposed to come pick me up.”

“Well, you can just tell her you were too stubborn to wait for her and you called a cab.”

Casey smiled softly as she looked at y/n. “She knows about you.”

Y/n tilted her head as she smiled. “She does?” Casey nodded. “Did she-“

“I told her.” Casey smiled. “We were talking about the case and…it was brought up if I had someone, and I couldn’t hide it anymore.” She huffed a chuckle. “She was supposed to call you this morning to let you know. So no, I was not going to wait to tell you. Something came up and she had to go. She stayed with me all night.”

Y/n nodded as she sighed. “Then I should call her to thank her.” She smiled as she looked at Casey, trying to hold back tears. “Don’t do this again, Case. Please. When it comes to you, I don’t care about anything else. You hear me? You’re my priority, if I have to steal a plane to come to you, then I will.” She smiled sadly as she caressed her chin.

Casey chuckled softly as she nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You didn’t do that, did you?”

Y/n shrugged. “Don’t watch the news.” She grinned.

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“So am I.” Y/n smiled as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

“Casey, I’m sorry, we were-“ Olivia stopped in her tracks as she stared at both of them, confusion taking over her face. “I uh- I’m sorry. Did I…interrupt something?”

Casey chuckled as she pulled away, looking at Olivia. “I believe you know y/n.”

Olivia nodded. “We’ve crossed paths once or twice. Just that now I know you as Casey’s girlfriend.” .” Olivia smiled, walking to them, and extending her hand. “Nice to meet you properly.” She then looked at Casey, letting go of y/n’s hand. “Guess you beat me to call her?”

“Nice to meet you properly too, and no.” Y/n chuckled. “You guys forgot that you cannot use the nurses against me.” She looked back at Casey and grinned, looking back at Olivia then. “But thank you for making sure Casey was okay and safe.”

Olivia nodded. “No problem.” She smiled. “So, guess you won’t be needing a ride anymore.”

“No, I got my girl here.” Casey smiled as she leaned into y/n.

“Guess I’ll see you later then.” Olivia smiled as she started to walk away. “You got a good one here.” She winked at Casey and walked out of the room.

Y/n looked back at Casey and smiled. “Ready to go home?”

Casey nodded. “Let’s go home.” She smiled.

********************

“Case, are you sure?” Y/n asked softly as she saw Casey grabbing her briefcase, sighing softly as she stood in the kitchen.

Casey looked back at her and offered a smile. “Baby, I’m okay. I just need to continue with this case, Nina-“

“The case matters more than your own health?” Y/n frowned as she stared at Casey.

“Y/n…” Casey sighed. “I don’t mean that. You know that, but…I need to end with this. I need to get this case done. I need to get her justice.”

“You need to get justice to the sister of the man that attacked you.” Y/n snapped. She took a deep breath as she looked away. “Casey, I- I know why you’re doing this, and I know Cragen asked you to talk to Nina, but baby.” She looked back at Casey and shook her head. “Are you sure you’re ready to go back there?”

Casey took a deep breath as she looked down at her briefcase, a serious look on her face. “It’s my job.” She looked back at y/n. “This is my case.”

Y/n sighed as she nodded, deciding not to keep going and stress Casey. “Can I at least drive you?”

Casey offered a small smile and nodded. “Okay. Can we go?”

Y/n nodded before she grabbed the keys and walked to Casey, grabbing the briefcase from her hands, raising a brow once she got the typical defying stare from Casey, but this time, Casey just let it go, knowing that y/n was doing enough already with letting her go. They first stopped at Nina’s place, Casey was ready to play the victim card if she had to if that meant she got to convince Nina to testify. She was surprised once Nina agreed to do whatever she needed to do, saving Casey a lot of time. Once she was back in the car, y/n knew that the next stop was her office, still against the idea but knowing better than to argue with Casey. Once they got there, y/n made sure to remind Casey that she could call her and she’d be there right away, Casey only telling her that everything would be okay.

To her luck, the first person she saw was Whitaker, dropping the news that she had been dropped off the case and she was now called to be a witness for the defense, making her even more upset than she already was. Once she was back in her office, she stopped for a moment as she opened the door and stared at her office. She still didn’t remember much of what happened that night, faint memories had shown up in the last few days, but she couldn’t make up the whole thing. She looked on the floors and at her desk, things were left as she remembered but the only difference was that she had more files than she had left that day in the afternoon. Olivia had mentioned that they were running over her notes and the case, so that explained all the files. She took a deep breath as she walked in, dropping the files she had in her arm and groaned softly as she felt the pain in her ribs, but before she could focus on anything else, Branch walked in.

“I heard you were back.” Branch tilted his head as he stared at Casey.

Casey turned to look at him and sighed. “And I was called to testify.” She handed him the notification.

Branch grabbed it and sighed as he read it. “Hell of strategy. Nina lost her virginity, was afraid of what her traditional Muslim brother might do if he found out. So, she lied about being raped.” He handed it back to Casey and looked at her.

“Yeah, Whitaker wants to use Milan’s attack on me to bolster his case.” Casey scoffed, pacing from one side to another. “He’s violent, therefore Nina’s afraid, so she made up a story about being raped by Gabriel Duvall.”

“It’s a compelling argument.” Branch followed her to the back of her office, his eyes staying on Casey the whole time.

Casey turned back to look at Branch. “I can win this motion. A, I’m up in front of Judge Trillin, and he loves me. B, the way I look, I’m gonna get the sympathy vote-“

“Casey. I’m taking this case away from you.” Branch simply said, staring at Casey and preparing for what was coming.

Casey stared at him for a moment, not saying a word. She shook her head. “You can’t. Not after what I’ve been through.” She walked to him, her defying stare painted on her face. “No one wants to win this case more than I do.”

“Which is exactly why you can’t try it. I hate to say this, but Whitaker was right. You’re too emotionally involved. I’ve already reassigned the case.”

“To who?”

“Tracey Kibre.” Branch said as he walked to the door, knowing that Casey wouldn’t actually drop it.

Casey followed him to the door. “She’s a homicide AD. She’s not used to live victims. Nina won’t be able to relate to her.”

Branch sighed as he turned to look at Casey. “She’s putting Nina on the grand jury tomorrow morning, it’s decided, Casey.” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t even be here. I gave you free days.”

“That I was gonna take after I was done with this case.”

“Casey, you’re injured. You’re barely able to walk on your own. You were attacked. I can make the notification go away, so you don’t testify, but I need you to get some rest, you need to heal.” Branch placed his hand carefully on her shoulder. “I’m doing this because I care for you. Go home, Casey.” He offered a smile before he walked out of the office.

Casey sighed heavily as he closed the door, she stared at it for a while before she turned to look at her office again, and suddenly, as she stood alone in her office with the door closed, pictures of the night started to show up. She felt her whole body getting warm, and not a good warm. She tried to take a deep breath as she looked around, trying to focus her eyes on something, and then she noticed; her bat was gone. Her bat was gone. Did they take it? She swore the last time she was here before the attack, the bat was against the sofa, where she always put it. He attacked her with it, she was sure of it. She suddenly felt her face getting wet and she noticed that she had tears rolling down her cheeks, and her chest started to feel heavy, and her ribs were hurting as she tried to breath. Who was she kidding? Her mind had been focused on the case that she didn’t think the damage that would do to her to come back here. She pulled her cellphone out and dialed y/n’s number rapidly.

“Y/n?” Casey sobbed, sitting down on the couch as she placed her free hand over her face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I-I need you. I- please come pick me up. I can’t-“

“I’ll be right up, Casey. Just stay where you are.”

Casey hung up and placed her hand on her chest, trying to put pressure on it. She sobbed as she closed her eyes, trying to think of something else and not focus on her surroundings anymore, the pictures of that night were slowly coming back and now she regretted that a few days ago she was trying so hard to remember and now here she was, sobbing as she remembered every emotion she felt as she was getting beaten up. Before she could let her mind overthink even more, she felt arms wrapping around her, startling her, and making her move away from whoever it was, opening her eyes as she panted and sobbing in relief as she noticed it was y/n.

“Y/n.” Casey sobbed, wrapping her arms around her. She whined for a moment, but she didn’t care, she just wanted y/n to hold her.

“I’m here, Case. I’m here.” Y/n sighed softly as she held Casey, kissing the side of her face softly.

“You were right. I shouldn’t be here.” Casey cried as she buried her face on y/n’s neck.

“You’re okay, baby. We’re leaving, okay?” Y/n pulled away and placed her hands carefully on Casey’s face, pecking her lips softly. “I’m taking you home.” She whispered softly as she stared into green eyes.

Casey nodded softly as she nibbled on her lip. “Okay.” She frowned. “Wait. H-How did you get here so fast?”

Y/n smiled. “I was waiting in the car, I never left.”

Casey smiled sadly. “Stubborn.”

Y/n chuckled softly and stood up, helping Casey to stand up. She placed her hand on Casey’s back rubbing it up and down before she grabbed Casey’s briefcase and then walked out of the office with Casey.

********************

Once they were back home, nothing was said about what happened back in the office. Casey knew she had to talk about it sooner or later, but if she talked about it, she was afraid that she was going to accept the fact that she had been a victim. That she was a victim. She was not ready to have that conversation. Olivia had told Casey that she could go talk to someone professional, Elizabeth had also given her the number -and the suggestion- of someone, but she knew she’d be okay. She didn’t need that. She just wanted to rest and move on from it, she didn’t want to be recognized as a victim, yes, she had been attacked, but that was it. She was okay, charges were there because Elliot had pushed Casey to place them, but nothing else was going to be done about it. She would be okay, everything would be okay.

“Case?”

Casey looked up at y/n, offering a small smile. “Hi.”

Y/n smiled softly. “Hi.” She walked slowly to the bed and sat down at her side. “Are you okay?”

Casey nodded. “I am. I’m just…tired.”

“I need to change your bandage.” Y/n said softly, putting a strand of hair behind Casey’s ear. “You can go to sleep after.”

Casey took a deep breath and then exhaled. “Can you just change it in the morning? Please?”

Y/n smiled softly. “Okay. Did you take your pills?”

“I did, doctor.” Casey grinned.

Y/n chuckled softly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know why you’re doing it.” Casey smiled softly. “Are you gonna come to bed with me?”

“I am. Was just cleaning up.” Y/n extended her arm to turn off the lamp, but Casey’s hand grabbed hers, making her turn to look at Csaey.

“Can you…can you leave it on?” Casey whispered softly.

“Of course.” Y/n smiled softly. “Anything else you need?”

“You.” Casey smiled.

Y/n moved to lay down and get under the covers, opening her arms for Casey to lay down with her. She knew Casey needed to sleep in a certain position, but she was too stubborn to actually listen to her, so she had decided to just give in and stop arguing with her, after all, she knew Casey only wanted to be held. She kissed her head softly and wrapped her arms around her carefully, closing her eyes. Y/n hated the fact that she couldn’t do more for Casey, she could definitely tell that there was something going on in her head, but there was nothing else she could do. She was not about to push Casey to say or do something that she didn’t want to do or say something she didn’t want to say. She knew how hard it was to talk about what had happened, and y/n only knew what Olivia had told her that happened, and that was it. They didn’t know the whole thing, after all, Casey didn’t remember anything, and Olivia had agreed with y/n that they wouldn’t push her to talk.

For the last few days, the painkillers had been helping Casey not only with her pain, but also to sleep better at night, but tonight, the stress of the day had caught up to her and the anxiety attack she had in her office had made her keep overthinking during the day. She thought maybe she’d be able to sleep at night, but her mind played her tricks and images from the attack appeared in her mind; the moment he got to the office and hit her with the flowers, every hit, every groan, every whine, she now remembered grabbing her bat, but he took it and hit her with it, he slammed her on her desk, she tried to stop him but then he slammed her head and that was it. That’s where the accident stopped, but that’s where her nightmare began.

Casey opened her eyes slowly, looking around as she tried to figure out where she was. She figured she was still in her office, but she was on the floor, and someone was on top of her, her shirt was open, and a hand was wrapped around her throat. “N-No…s-stop!”

“Shut up, bitch! This is what you get!” He laughed darkly, his other hand caressing roughly her side and getting to her pants, unbuttoning it.

“N-No.” Casey tried to scream but his hand tightened his grip on her throat, making her start choking. “No!”

“No!” Casey shot up from the bed and panted heavily, some of her hair sticking to her face as she sweat covered her forehead.

Y/n sat up in bed as soon as she heard Casey, her hands going to Casey’s back. “Casey? What’s wrong?”

Casey abruptly moved from y/n’s touch, fear could be seen in her eyes as she looked at y/n. “Stay away from me!”

Y/n’s eyes widened as she stared at Casey, standing up from bed and raising her hands. “Case, it’s me, y/n.” She slowly walked to Casey’s side as she tried to focus her eyes on y/n. “You’re safe, Casey. It’s only me.” She slowly sat beside Casey in bed and wrapped her arms carefully but tightly enough to try to stop Casey from shaking, one of her hands going to Casey’s head to hold her against her shoulder.

Casey trembled as she loudly sobbed, letting her body collapse on y/n’s arms. Y/n closed her eyes, letting Casey cry all she needed, her arms still wrapped around her. Her fear came true, she was hoping that Casey wouldn’t remember anything from the attack and that she wouldn’t have any nightmares about it, but she knew this had been a nightmare. Easily, ten minutes passed until she felt Casey relaxing in her arms, her sobs slowly fading away and her body slowly stopped trembling. Y/n opened her eyes but decided to stay right there, no words, no movements, just holding her tightly. Another two or three minutes passed until she finally felt Casey’s breathing slowing down, and her chest was not racing as bad as it had been. She was slowly coming back to her senses, and she was starting to feel y/n.

“Y/n?” Casey cried out, almost in a whisper.

“Yes, baby. It’s me.” Y/n kissed her head softly, slowly pulling away just enough to look at Casey. “It’s me, y/n.”

Casey looked into her eyes in horror, her mind finally figuring out what had happened. “I-I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

“Why are you sorry, baby?” Y/n asked softly, her hand running through Casey’s hair, and then going down to her cheek, wiping away her tears.

“I didn’t- I just-“ Casey sobbed. “I didn’t want you to know…that I…that I remembered.” She shook her head as her bottom lip trembled. “I wanted to move on. I wanted to be strong.”

“Oh, baby. Look at me.�� Y/n’s finger went to Casey’s chin, making her look into her eyes. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk about it. I get it. This doesn’t make you any less strong, baby.”

Casey opened her mouth to say something, but she closed her eyes again as more tears left her eyes. Y/n placed her arm under Casey’s legs and the other on her back, carefully moving her to sit on her lap.  Casey unconsciously helped her move her own body so she didn’t have a hard time and she wouldn’t whine in pain, burying her face on y/n’s neck as she got into place. She felt Casey wrapping her arms around her middle tightly, y/n kissed her head softly, her lips lingering there. Another few minutes passed until Casey felt like she ran out of tears, feeling exhausted, but she didn’t want to move, even if she felt pain in her middle, she just wanted y/n to hold her. She knew she had to talk to y/n, but she didn’t know if she was entirely ready, but if she didn’t do it, she was afraid that the more she kept it inside, the more nightmares she would have. Y/n felt Casey’s head moving, making her look down at Casey; her eyes were red and puffy just like her lips, she wanted nothing more than to lean down and kiss her, but she knew it was not the moment.

“I’m here, my love.” Y/n smiled softly.

“I know.” Casey whispered softly.

“Do you want me to get you some water? Or do you want us to stay like this?”

“Stay.”

“Then we stay.” Y/n smiled softly, stroking her cheek. “You don’t have to say anything, you know? I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“I want to talk.” Casey whispered softly.

“Okay…than I’m listening.”

Casey moved carefully to sit and lean over the pillows. The pillows had been positioned so she could sleep comfortably but in a sitting position, something Casey had hated. Her legs stayed in y/n’s lap, y/n only moving to face Casey.

“When I was at the office…I remembered.” Casey shook her head. “I didn’t…I thought I wouldn’t remember anything, I just wanted to go back to work to forget this even happened to me. But as soon as Branch left and closed the door…I was left alone and…it slowly just came back to me.” She sobbed. “I never told Olivia…but I…” she took a shaky breath. “I heard her asking a nurse…if the…if the rape kit had come back…because she had found me…with my shirt open and my p-pants unbuttoned.”

Y/n felt range run all over her body, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to hold back tears. “Case…”

“It came back clean. He didn’t…” Casey nibbled on her lip nervously as she tried to hold back her tears again. “I guess he wanted to try.” She sighed. “I thought…maybe if I went back, if I worked on the case, then everything would be okay. I’d be okay. If I didn’t talk about it…it wouldn’t be real.” She sobbed softly as she looked at y/n. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Case.” Y/n shook her head as her hand went to Casey’s cheek, stroking it softly. “You went through a traumatic thing, and I don’t blame you for taking your time to process it. I told you I’d be here for you, no matter what. And I’m not going anywhere, baby.” She tilted her head and smiled softly. “I am so sorry I was not here.”

Casey shook her head. “I should’ve called you.”

“Casey, stop torturing yourself.” Y/n smiled softly. “You’re here, you’re safe. And I’m gonna make sure that it stays that way. Even if I’m a pain in the ass.”

Casey chuckled softly as she nodded. “I need to see someone professional.” She whispered softly. “I don’t want to have nightmares.”

Y/n nodded. “Then we’ll go to someone. And I’ll be by your side.” She smiled. “I take it that you’ll take the free days?”

Casey huffed a chuckle and nodded. “I will.”

“I will too.”

Casey frowned. “No, you don’t-“

“I want to.” Y/n smiled. “I want to be here with you, I’ll take care of you, and we’ll go through this together. Doesn’t matter how long it takes, we’re in this together.”

Casey smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you even more.” Y/n smiled as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

“Please, never leave.” Casey whispered against her lips.

“Never. You’re never getting rid of me.” Y/n grinned.

“You better mean that.” Casey grinned, kissing her lips again.

[emilylsart]

STOP KOSA!! Don't Scroll/Ignore this Message!!

I don't talk about politics that much, but please, PLEASE take a moment to sign this petition to stop the KOSA bill going on these days!

If you know KOSA, (you probably do) it's basically a bill introduced last year determined to "protect" children in social media. What the govt. DOESN'T know is that they're REALLY going to CENSOR THE ENTIRE INTERNET AND FANDOMS we've known and loved for years...unless we stop them from doing it (so far, over 18 million people in many organizations are rising to stop this bill, according to stopkosa.org!)

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Shout-out to my follower VioletRose-Art for talking about and reblogging this whole situation for months now; The internet, our creations, our ENTIRE WORK put into our favorite fandoms will not, I repeat, WILL NOT be silenced. All I've got to say is, the govt. has gone too far into VIOLATING our first amendment in the FUDGIN' BILL OF RIGHTS (right to freedom of speech) and hurting lots of children (and even adults!) because of this bill.

So please, JUST STOP STANDING THERE AND THINKING THAT IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU and VOTE NO TO KOSA in the links I've shared. We need you...WE ALL NEED YOU. The future of the Internet and fandoms is in our hands.

Reblog to spread the word! Much appreciated!!

[g1rld1ary]

omg hiiiiii! just saw your requests opened, so excited! i was hoping you could write something for lockwood with the enemies to lovers trope. anything you feel like with that is awesome! and ofc if you don’t want to feel free to not write it 🩷🩷

-mel

what once was ; anthony lockwood x reader

➻ synopsis: you and lockwood hated each other, you had since you were just starting out as agents. when your team is made to work with his on a big case, deeper feelings might just get revealed

➻ word count: 10K (exactly, what are the chances?)

➻ warnings: swearing, mentions of kissing, angst maybe?, injuries

➻ thank u so much for this request lovely!!!! i am SO sorry this took almost a month, but it's the longest fic I've ever posted here so hopefully that makes up for it a little?? if this isn't what u had in mind pls let me know and I'd be happy to write something different! ik it might not be exactly enemies to lovers but I hateee when the dynamic has no respect or reason to be lovers. anyway thank u for the request lolol!!!! xxxxx

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

You thought you were a good person. You dedicated your life to fighting ghosts, you helped old ladies cross the street, you recycled when you could. That was enough to be considered a good person, right? You were almost totally convinced, except for the all the vile things you had to say about Anthony Lockwood.

He was, with no exaggeration, the bane of your existence. You had known him all your life, but hadn’t been friends with him since you were both twelve, just beginner agents. And yet, despite all of this hatred burning up within you, it seemed like the universe wouldn’t give you a moment of peace.

You understood running into his company every once in a while — agency events, maybe the occasional case, but lately it seemed like it was every week you had to face Lockwood’s nauseating grin and infuriating attempts at being charming. Whether it was your respective teams being sent on overlapping missions, picking up more supplies or just trying to pick up a coffee after a draining night, you had started to see Lockwood everywhere.

When you saw him again whilst you were picking up some doughnuts for your team you couldn’t help yourself snapping at him.

“God, are you obsessed with me or something, Anthony?” You barely spared him a glance as you finished the transaction with the cashier, quietly thanking him as you left. Lockwood did the same, practically throwing down his cash to catch up to you.

“You wish I was obsessed with you! I am just as unhappy as you are, trust me.”

“So what, you chased after me just say something we both already knew? Or do you have something you’d like to say, an apology perhaps?” You chanced a look in his eyes. Hurt flashed through them, and you felt a sick sense of satisfaction.

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He cried, almost dropping his own box of pastries when he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. You didn’t try to hide the rolling of your eyes.

“Whatever,” You huffed, before being struck with an idea. “By the way, did you hear that I’m now a team leader? That makes me the youngest in at least ten years — maybe ever. Pretty good for someone not fit to be an agent, don’t you think?” You feigned an interest in his opinion. His face dropped for a moment, then contorted to become almost polite.

“That was never—” You interrupted him with another sigh.

“Anthony, I really don’t care to listen to you discredit my achievements anymore.” You left him on the side of the street, marching back to your dorm at Fittes. You didn’t need to hear him tear you down and ruin your self-confidence more than he already had — not that you would ever tell him that. Lockwood was similarly disgruntled. Every interaction between you two turned into a fight regardless of what he said; he just couldn’t win.

You had a week of blissful distance from Lockwood and Co before you ran into them, quite unfortunately. You and your team had been assigned to an apartment that allegedly housed a few Type Ones, nothing serious but the residents had complained of hearing noises at odd hours. You held a bit of doubt — living in the dorms had forced you to become accustomed to the most bizarre noises at night, and those were most definitely not ghosts. Plus, adults tended to be paranoid; the noise could be anything from rodents to their little children being awake in the early hours of the morning.

Still, you had a job to complete, so you trudged your small team up to the apartment in question, ready for a quick job and to be cozy in bed before midnight. When Lockwood and Co were standing outside the apartment next to your appointed one, your face dropped into a scowl.

“What are you doing here?” You snapped, talking directly to Lockwood. He hesitated for a moment before turning to face you, brilliant smile shining.

“Lovely to see you again too, sweetheart, we’re actually here on a job? Nice of you to come as our clean-up crew, but that really won’t be necessary. Run along now.” You had to hand it to him, Lockwood had perfected his condescending tone. You were going to respond when the girl behind him began to talk.

“Hey, I recognise you! You’re—” Lockwood cut her off quickly.

“Alright, Luce, I think it’s time we go inside, don’t you?” He was shepherding the girl through the apartment door before you could process what was happening. George, to his credit, looked highly amused at the whole thing. You always liked George, even when he was at Fittes, and seeing him was usually the only upside to your interactions with Lockwood and Co.

“Who’s the girl?” You asked, nodding your head to where she and Lockwood had disappeared to.

“Lucy Carlyle,” He answered, “She’s a Listener — still learning the ropes.”

“And she knows me how?” George just smiled, and you could tell he was keeping secrets.

“I’m sure you’ll find out one day.” He began to follow the rest of his coworkers and you pouted.

“I hate when you side with him!” You called after him, before composing yourself and directing your own team to start the night. They just went along with it, used to your behaviour, and set up your equipment for the mission.

It was not going well. You could all feel a supernatural presence, but no ghosts and no signs of what you’d thought might’ve been the source. Plus, all you could hear was the apartment next door — their stompy footsteps, their laughter over the tea you knew they always had, and one of them wouldn’t stop knocking on the fucking wall.

It was supremely childish, and you would put all of your bets on it being Lockwood trying to throw you off your game. Unfortunately, it was working. And your bad mood was spreading to your teammates. The mission was certainly not going well, all four of you picking fights and throwing digs at each other as you searched uselessly for what could possible be the source, all with no confirmed supernatural presence.

Just as you were about to say something really cruel to your favourite member of your team, the words died in your throat. The temperature rose a few degrees, and you could practically see all your negative thoughts floating away. By the looks of it, your teammates all felt it too. When the freezing shock of the change wore off, you all resigned to embarrassment, realising exactly what had just happened.

This was only furthered when Lockwood waltzed into the apartment, cocky grin practically blinding you.

“Guess that another successful mission for Lockwood and Co now includes saving the careers of egotistical Fittes agents too now,” He crowed, and you rolled your eyes so hard you thought they might disconnect from your face.

“Clearly,” You tried to keep your tone level, “The source wasn’t in this apartment, so we couldn’t have found it regardless of if you were here.”

“Plus they were just Type Ones. You didn’t save any lives, Lockwood,” Your best friend, Sarah, piped up and you smirked.

“Maybe not in the physical sense,” He conceded, “But I definitely saved the career of the ‘youngest ever team leader’ — don’t think you would’ve kept the position for very long if you couldn’t fight a simple Type One.” You turned red in humiliation. How dare Lockwood act so high and mighty, like you owed him the career you fought so hard for? You wanted to express all the seething fury that burned your tongue, but the only thing that came out was a vicious declaration.

“I hate you, Anthony Lockwood.” Lockwood at least had the decency to look somewhat hurt. Although you’d been arguing for years with the insults only getting meaner as you both grew up and developed more precise vocabularies, neither of you had ever vocalised any hatred before. It cut deeper than Lockwood thought it would. You didn’t wait to observe the intricacies of his reaction, storming out of the apartment, making sure your kit bag hit him heavily as you passed.

“Well,” Lockwood broke the awkward silence that fell over the apartment, “I think we’re all done for the night. Let’s go.” Lockwood and Co began packing up their kit bags and gear, Lucy sweeping some leftover magnesium dust under an armchair. Lockwood paused in the doorway, looking back to Sarah with a curious softness.

“Make sure she’s alright, yeah?” Sarah nodded, swallowing a curious look. With a final nod he was gone, leaving the rest of your team to wonder what had just happened to shift the dynamic.

Back in your dorm at Fittes, you were still fired up. Pissed off by Lockwood’s ego, his audacity, you had practically already paced a hole in the floor upon your short return from dinner. All of these years and he still didn’t believe you were a capable agent, let alone team leader! You may not have really hated him; it was hard to truly hate someone who you shared so much history with, but you were glad you said it. Glad you hurt him, even a little. Maybe then he’d know how you felt.

He had — probably unwittingly — saved you arse though. It was one of your very first missions and unfortunately Lockwood was right; a team leader who couldn’t defeat a simple Type One, or realise that their case was a goose chase in the wrong apartment, wouldn’t last. So although he was the one who had told you you couldn’t be an agent in the first place, you probably owed your current position to him, which only mad you more mad. It was an endless cycle of being angry at Anthony Lockwood.

When Sarah came in to sit on your bed, you still weren’t done, taking the opportunity to verbalise your stream of thought.

“He is simply the worst person in the whole world and has no respect for me! I mean, he wouldn’t have helped at all if it didn’t serve his own inflated ego ,” You said, throwing your hands in the air in anguish. Sarah simply watched, barely concealing her amusement.

“Ok, but have you considered maybe he just argues back because you hate him? I mean, where did it start?” You huffed, vaulting yourself back onto your mattress.

“When we were twelve years old, he told me I couldn’t be an agent. I said ‘fuck you’ and have worked my bloody arse off to be one despite it, and to become the youngest team leader at Fittes, and yet every time I see him he still tries to sabotage my career or make me look stupid! God, he drives me up the wall!”

“So you’ve said all these horrid things because he didn’t believe in you?” She laughed a little, eliciting a deep frown from you.

“You don’t get it,” You said, tone solemn, “He was my best friend. He was supposed to believe in me even when everyone else said it was dumb.” The dampened mood brought a premature end to your conversation, Sarah leaving you to your thoughts and feelings as you dwelled on the past in a way you would usually forbid yourself from.

You pulled a framed photo out from behind your stack of books on the shelf. You and Lockwood as children, smiling brightly on a day at the beach, a spade in your hand and a bucket in his, your free ones intertwined as kids often do. You didn’t know why you’d kept it after all these years, looking at any photo of Lockwood typically made you mad, but you felt a bit guilty discarding the keepsake, especially the handmade frame his parents had given you one birthday before they passed. Plus, the memory untouched was one of your favourites — one of the last of your carefree days in childhood when you and Lockwood were best friends and both your families were whole. You held it softly for a moment, indulging yourself in being swept away by memories before deciding enough was enough and returning to the present, distracting yourself with a novel you’d picked up.

You were given a few weeks to cool down, blissfully free from any trace of Lockwood. You thought he must’ve been aware of the heightened tension between you recently, since you’d seen Lucy shopping around Arif’s and ran into George whilst getting your usual Friday night takeaway.

Hearing your name being called from around the corner of an aisle you turned quickly, reflexes on edge. Seeing it was just the redhead you relaxed, making yourself smile.

“Oh, hi, Lucy. How are you?” You made polite conversation, continuing on with your shopping. She replied cordially, a vague awkward air between you that you were both trying your best to overcome.

“We’re all really sorry about the case the other day, by the way. We didn’t mean to take it over or jeopardise your job or anything.”

“It’s nothing,” You assured, “I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me, every agent knows that.”

“Yeah, but if Lockwood hadn’t—”

“Lucy,” You interrupted, “You don’t need to condemn Lockwood, or defend him. We both know where we stand with each other and that’s ok. I hope that doesn’t stop us from being friends either; you’re sweet.” Lucy managed a smile, revealing a pretty sparkle in her eye.

“I’d like to be friends too. Maybe we just won’t tell him,” She giggled, and you nodded gravely.

“Sounds like a plan.” You left Arif’s with a bag full of groceries and plan for coffee sometime.

George was less forgiving than Lucy. As you bickered over who got the last can of Coke in the restaurant’s little fridge, he imparted some of his very much unwanted advice.

“You should apologise. I think you crossed a line,” He said and you rolled your eyes.

“He questioned my right to even be where I am — I think I have the right to be pissed at him.”

“He didn’t mean it,” George said quickly. Almost too quickly.

“How would you know?” You narrowed your eyes. George recoiled — he’d been caught.

“You know,” He trailed off, “Lockwood’s not like that. You should know that better than anyone.” You huffed again, fed up.

“I knew,” You corrected, “He’s shown me exactly how he feels about me now. And I am absolutely fine with that. I’m taking the Coke.” You ended the conversation abruptly, snatching the can out of George’s grip.

“But Lockwood doesn’t like any of the other flavours!” He called after you. You exaggerated a laugh, not looking back as you opened the restaurant door quickly.

“I know!” You yelled over your shoulder. George watched you leave, calculating look in his eyes. You said you hated Lockwood, he didn’t doubt you believed it, too. But he knew that most people didn’t remember which fizzy drinks their enemies liked.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

Thankfully, you got just the distraction you needed. Your team had been given one of the most exciting cases on the Fittes roster. One of those old boutique hotels with funnily named rooms and a long, terrible history that had you buried in fascinating research. You couldn’t believe your team had been given the assignment, it was a sign that you were really beginning to be respected as a team leader in the agency. So, you couldn’t screw it up.

You and your team had been practically camped out in the Fittes archives, researching as much as you possibly could about the old hotel. There were a smattering of unfortunate deaths across the years — some darker than others, but you were confident it was nothing you couldn’t handle. The owners hadn’t specified exactly what supernatural experiences they had seen around the hotel, just that it was clear there were several presences around and they wanted them all gone to reopen the hotel as soon as possible. This did admittedly make you a little apprehensive — you didn’t actually have a solid idea of how many ghosts you’d be dealing with, and it was anyone’s guess how many of them would be Type Twos.

Finally, you were confident you and your team had done as much research as you could, and you were prepared for anything. And so you packed your kit bags, took the train ride and rocked up to the hotel mid afternoon, confidence overflowing. By nightfall you’d been on a tour of the grounds, set up your base and had started brewing some tea to get you all in the zone. You took a glance out the front window, seeing movement in one of the windows of the house next door. It was owned by the people who ran the hotel and they intended to open it as a second venue, but delegated the job to some smaller agency since the stakes for it weren’t as high.

It was all going well for a while. You had a plan to go room by room, making each ghost free before finishing in the majorly haunted kitchen. You were inclined to believe there’d be a cluster of Type Twos there since it was set alight years ago, and the accident had been swept under the rug in favour of saving the business.

The entryway was easy; a few Type Ones that practically led you their sources, clearly just wanting to finally be laid to rest. There was one nasty Limbless that gave you all a fright, but your researcher, Ben, was always miles ahead of the rest of you and knew exactly who the ghost was and therefore how to put him to rest. You told him you owed him a beer later and moved on, crossing a single room off the floor plan and shifting into the library, which was not so easy.

You started to think things were not as great as you originally anticipated when you turned to face the mass of Type Ones. Not the end of the world, a little bloody annoying though. Sarah seemed to agree, kicking the leg of a couch in frustration. The four of you figured your way out of it, though significantly depleted of supplies.

You returned to your home base to recoup, physically and mentally battered.

“What’s the plan?” Sarah asked, chugging down mouthfuls from her water bottle. You bit the inside of your cheek as you thought hard, tapping your fingers insistently on the old wooden table.

“Alright, I think we’ve got enough for one more safely. Kyan, you go outside and get the rest of our equipment whilst we hit the second bedroom.”

“If we’re right then there should only be the one ghost there, right? The strangled woman?” You nodded in response to Ben, mentally drawing your plan.

“And if you’re wrong?” Kyan asked.

“We won’t be,” You affirmed, tapping twice on the table to get you all moving.

Kyan left the building to go fetch the spare supplies and the remaining three of you ventured into the second bedroom. Everything was as it should be; lower temperature, creeping feelings of unease and miasma. You’d put together your chain circle and were feeling good about the Type Two woman you were facing, well, as good as you could in those circumstances.

That was, until it wasn’t just one Type Two. Despite the research and preparation you’d undertaken, there was definitely more than one Type Two enraged by your presence in the room at that moment. There was the woman, an angry apparition of some sort — you didn’t have the time to exactly figure out which subtype she fell into when a man also appeared. Shit. He wasted no time showing you he was aggressive too, and your heart sunk into your toes.

Doing some quick mental calculations, you announced the new plan — to get out. As team leader, you refused to be responsible for an injury or something worse because you wouldn’t back down when you knew you didn’t have enough defences left.

“Soon as it’s safe, get the fuck out of here,” You said, feeling to make sure they were still both in the circle with you as you stood with backs inward. “Use your defences as liberally as you feel you need to — we’re all getting out of here tonight.”

“What about the sources?” Sarah asked nervously, “We’ve only got one or two so far.”

“Who cares? Most agencies get one or two a mission and we’re in a giant bloody hotel. We’ve got more nights to get this done. We can’t get it done if you lot go off and die, can we?” Ben shrugged.

“S’pose not. Let’s go.” With that the three of you made a run for it, bolting out the bedroom door and into the corridor.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled, dodging out the way of another phantom headed your way. Evidently your previous endeavours had attracted the attention of some of the other ghosts inhabiting the hotel, none looking all that happy.

Your swear words didn’t falter as you continued the escape, ducking and jumping and making an utter fool of yourself to ensure you all made it out alive. You’d been covered by Sarah a few minutes ago with one of her magnesium flares, and so returned the favour without hesitation, only faltering slightly when you realised it was your last. You tried not to worry about it too much, you were nearing the laundry where there was a back door you could get to.

The closer you got to your escape the fewer visible apparitions there were. That was a good thing, your chances of ghost touch reducing greatly. However, that didn’t mean you weren’t still being hunted. A poltergeist had found you somewhere along the way, and the stream of things being thrown at you hadn’t ended yet. You’d vaguely felt something heavy hitting the back of your head and shoulders, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins was withholding the pain for the moment.

You’d crossed the threshold into the laundry, the back door within your sights. Maybe you got complacent, believing the end was nearer than you thought. Maybe it was just awful timing. However, as your feet hit the tiles of the room, you were being swept off your feet by the washing machine sliding into you, crushing you between it and the wall. You cried out unintentionally, feeling a sickening crack inside your chest. Your teammates turned back, door wide open and safety in sight.

“Don’t you dare come back for me,” You croaked, the wind pushed out of you. “Or I swear to God I’ll come and haunt you.” Ben took the threat and ran, ducking out the door into the fresh air of the night. Sarah hesitated, turning back to lock eyes with you, regret painted across her features. With a final threat she left too, leaving you to try and push the machine away from you in order to make your own escape. However, in an unfortunate series of events, the adrenaline started to wear off after your chase and you felt the sharp pain running along your skull, a thick drop of blood making its way down from a strand of hair into your left eye. Plus, you were pretty sure the machine had broken one of your wrists as any pressure you put onto it trying to move the machine set your nerves on fire, leaving you just your legs to try and make an escape. Turns out it’s harder than it looks to push a stupidly heavy washing machine away from you with your legs when you’re incapacitated on the floor.

Seeing your best friend the strangled woman approaching you sighed, trying to resign yourself to your fate. There was no way you were making it out without a miracle, and you were never the lucky kind. As she spotted you, you sealed your eyes tightly closed, unwilling to watch your own demise. It never came. When you chanced one eye open all you saw was sparks, the unmistakeable smell of a magnesium flare filling the room. You didn’t know what to feel. Relieved, of course, pissed off that your team had disrespected your wishes and endangered themselves, faint from the adrenaline and blood loss. Mostly faint, you decided, as you lay your head back against the tile, a sleep sounding like the nicest thing in the world suddenly.

You must have passed out for a minute or two as when you opened your eyes again you were in the air, distant voices yelling over the explosions and lights, but you felt a million miles away. You cuddled yourself into the body of whoever was carrying you — they were warm and your body felt ice cold. Everywhere you looked appeared blurry (and slightly pink, presumably from the blood in your eye), so you granted yourself some mercy and simply closed them. You thought you heard a mumbled “Hold on for me,” But you couldn’t be sure, everything was ringing in your head and the weight of staying awake was heavy on your foggy brain.

The next time you woke up was about half an hour later, or so you guessed. The sky was fractionally lighter than you remembered seeing, inching towards dawn, and you were laid down on dewey wet grass. The cool of it was nice on your skin, though you knew it would do major damage to your hair. Not that that was your greatest concern at the moment. You pushed yourself up on your elbows slowly, looking around at the scene that was coming into focus. Your team were on one side of you, looking exhausted but mostly physically fine. Straight ahead of you was Barnes, not looking as disappointed as you thought he would after a failed case. To your left was Lockwood and Co. Why were Lockwood and Co here? Why was Lockwood looking at you so intently, and why did he look like he was worried about you?

Only the first of your questions was answered. Evidently Lockwood and Co were the ‘small agency’ the hotel owners had given a chance for the smaller house on the edge of the property. They heard the commotion your team had made and Sarah’s screaming outside the kitchen door and came to save the day — of course. You were about to put up the protest that you didn’t need saving but it died in your throat when you saw the serious looks of everyone around you. Clearly this wasn’t the time for any of your bullshit.

“Clearly this case is bigger than your team can achieve,” Barnes said, and the fire was reignited within you. He must have been able to see what you were going to say and cut you off, “But I’m not taking you off the case.”

“Thank you,” You said quickly, tension in your shoulders releasing slightly.

“Lockwood and Co will work with you until the hotel is ghost free.”

“What?” You and Lockwood cried in unison, and you felt his eyes fall back on you. You refused to meet his gaze.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sir—” You started, being cut off by Lockwood.

“We don’t work well together—”

“I happen to know you both need this case, or do you not care about the future of your jobs?” Barnes raised an eyebrow in the intimidating way only he could pull off. He had you there. Failing in a case, especially one that resulted in a near death experience would certainly jeopardise your trajectory at Fittes, and, unbeknownst to you, Lockwood and Co were pretty desperate for some good representation, unable to receive the praise deserved from the Combe Carey Hall case. You looked at Lockwood to find him already searching your face. After a moment of silent arguing between the two of you, you turned back to face Barnes, exaggerated smiles on both your faces.

“We’ll do it.” You smiled sweetly. A few more formalities sent Barnes and the other DEPRAC officer off, and only the two teams were left standing around, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of all the kit bags.

“So what do we do now?” Sarah asked, a thought very similar to the ones bouncing around your head at the moment.

“Breakfast?” George suggested, and you didn’t think you’d ever seen your team agree to something so enthusiastically. The group of you all headed back to the train station, but Lockwood didn’t let you continue in the line to get your ticket. Instead he pulled you away from the crowd, seeming to have already told Lucy what was happening, judging from her cheerful wave goodbye.

You glared at him, yanking your arm away then groaning at the pain.

“What are we doing, Lockwood?” You asked with an exaggerated huff.

“We’re going to the hospital,” He said, unbothered by your protests. “And don’t say you’re fine because it’s clear you’re injured. I’d say a broken wrist, concussion and maybe a cracked rib, but we can let the doctors tell us I’m wrong, I’d be happy for them to tell you otherwise.” That shut you up, not least because you knew he was probably right. You’d been given a shot of adrenaline and a few painkillers by the DEPRAC officer who accompanied Barnes over, but you probably did need actual medical attention.

It was a very awkward cab ride to the local hospital. You and Lockwood were so used to arguing by now that silence felt like the only other viable option. You couldn’t make small talk, what would you even talk about? The only thing you knew about his life was his childhood, and you sure as hell weren’t gonna talk about that. The tension was palpable in the backseat, and when the cab driver wished you good luck for the hospital visit, you figured he didn’t just mean because of your injuries. You did force yourself to thank Lockwood when he paid for the ride though, even if it was just for the sake of the day moving on faster.

At least the waiting room created its own noise; beeping and chattering and footsteps filling the silence between you two. You struggled with the form in front of you, inconveniently having your dominant hand be out of working order. You painfully etched out your information over an embarrassing amount of time before Lockwood huffed loudly and snatched the clipboard from your lap.

“Fuck’s sake,” He muttered, pulling his own pen from his suit pocket, beginning to scribble down the answers for you. You just relaxed, your tired, drug-addled brain being allowed to rest for a moment. It wasn’t until he asked about your health insurance that you fully realised he was answering the questions by memory and forced your eyes to focus on the paper. Sure enough he’d gotten it all right, birthday and middle name included. You glanced up at him curiously, but it seemed like this was the moment he refused to make eye contact. You only had to inform him of things that had changed since you’d fallen out, neither of you verbalising that fact.

Things didn’t change when you were called into the doctor’s office either. The mix of pain, medicine and sleep deprivation led you to embrace the exam table and bordered on falling asleep as Lockwood talked for you. He’d gotten the rundown of the actual events from Sarah and his brief moments when he saved you, and explained the night as you got an x-ray for your hand. Plus, as you were waiting for the cast (it was, in fact, broken), he explained your previous medical history — the knee you dislocated when you were nine and the broken pinky finger from the year after. You only had to participate to explain the injuries you’d acquired during your career as an agent; the ones from after you and Lockwood stopped being friends.

The whole trip was extremely bizarre and slightly unnerving, and you were glad to get on the train on the way back.

“You were wrong about one thing,” You said, pulling out your walkman from your kit bag.

“And what’s that?” Lockwood asked, and you got the impression he was bracing to be yelled at again — you felt almost bad.

“No cracked rib for me.” You grinned, beginning to laugh uncharacteristically. You didn’t know why, it really wasn’t that funny, but Lockwood followed suit soon after. The two of you laughed borderline hysterically, much too energetic for that hour of the morning when everyone else was still heading to work. It only tapered off when your poor ribs couldn’t take it anymore (not broken but aggressively bruised), and the two of you fell back into silence. You had your music and Lockwood had a magazine you suspected he’d stolen from the A+E waiting room.

The only other time you spoke during the trip was when you summoned the courage to utter a somewhat genuine “Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thanks. For not letting me die. And stuff.”

“Oh. You’re welcome,” Lockwood shot you a smile, the glowing kind you rarely got to see anymore.

As you got back to London and closer to Portland Row where your team was waiting, the air seemed to get thicker between the two of you once again. Maybe it was the proximity to the things that had torn you apart or the sense that you had predefined roles to play, but the carefree air between you had dissipated, leaving only the familiar tension that had been building over the last four years.

You followed Lockwood inside, trying to hide the out of body experience you were having returning to his family home after so many years. It had changed a little, of course, but still felt overwhelmingly the same, which both scared and comforted you. All the freaky foreign ghost hunting objects still littered the shelves, and you took the liberty of admiring them once again, remembering the stories Lockwood’s parents would tell about them and the adventures they’d had when collecting them. In your periphery you saw Lockwood hurriedly grab something off the wall by the stairs, shoving it in a drawer, but you really had no interest, choosing instead to reacquaint yourself with the house. The glimpse you got up the stairs showed a myriad of framed pictures of Lockwood and you scoffed — of course his ego would be on full display within his own home.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

It was surprisingly easy to get into the groove of working with Lockwood and Co. Obviously you already liked George and Lucy, but your team seemed to work unexpectedly well with theirs. You and Lockwood stayed out of each other’s ways, the few times you were left to work together resulting in another stupid argument. The first time when you thought he was calling you dumb, the second over something minuscule; who’d let the tea brew too long so it tasted shit. And then who had to subsequently get up and make the next pot. Despite both of you honestly trying to be professional and get on with the job, it was agreed by everyone that it was simply easiest to keep the two of you apart as much as possible.

However, when the hotel owners wanted the leaders of both teams to meet up for updates on the case, you couldn’t get out of it. The day wasn’t looking good. You’d shown up to Portland Row so you could get a cab together — the meeting being dinner in central London, and had already argued with him over his choice of socks. In your defence, the powder blue socks matching your dress did make it look like you were a high school couple trying to match at a formal! However, George had rolled his eyes and pushed the two of you back out and towards the waiting cab, effectively ending that argument. You’d also teased Lockwood for bringing his rapier to a business dinner, but that was neither here nor there.

You’d held it together for most of the dinner, both of you putting on your best fronts and using your most formal tones to convince the elder couple that you were confident about the case. You found yourself kicking his shins to stop Lockwood from making promises you couldn’t keep regarding the case, and he got you back with condescending remarks, correcting you when he disagreed with how you presented the case. Altogether though you thought you were pretty subtle, and the two of you were presenting a model image of your respective companies.

However, when you shot Lockwood one of your saccharine smiles under the pretence of friendliness — he’d just undermined your authority again and stolen the best piece of dessert that you were going for, as if he didn’t torture you enough — you were shocked to hear the woman across from you laugh.

“It’s so wonderful to see you two bicker like an old married couple,” She giggled, and both you and Lockwood’s jaws dropped. “I mean, it just seems so dismal to be dating in these times, but you two give me hope that the future generations will still be able find love despite the Problem.”

“And clearly you’re both sensible kids, which is very important for a lasting relationship. Working for two different agencies would surely diffuse tensions around all those dangerous missions and such you agents partake in — except for this one, of course,” Her husband chimed in, jolly glint in his eyes.

“Yes, yes, but it’s important to remember to be kids as much as you can. But you two playing footsies all night has proved that you’ve got that covered too. Silliness is just as crucial as being sensible, it’s how a marriage stays fun. We would know, we’ve had fifty odd years of it!”

You didn’t know how to react, and by the looks of it, Lockwood didn’t know either with his signature smile frozen on his face. First of all, you were not playing footsies with Anthony Lockwood — the bruise forming under his trouser leg was testament to that. Second of all, you had no idea how the woman could get your dynamic so incredibly wrong. Aside from all of Lockwood’s double edged comments and cocky corrections of basically anything you said, the two of you had hardly addressed each other directly all night, you might as well have been strangers!

The dinner wrapped up very soon after. The couple had taken a liking to you both and so trusted your teams to handle the case as you saw fit, only making you promise to take a romantic weekend getaway (or honeymoon! As the woman had remarked optimistically) to the hotel once it was completely ghost-free and renovated. For once you were glad that Lockwood was unable to ever shut up as he took the lead, seeming to believe that corroborating their assumption was the best choice in your situation. You weren’t sure you were entirely comfortable with lying to this sweet old couple, but you couldn’t deny that Lockwood was a better talker than you, and would probably handle the situation with more delicacy.

That was how you ended up being led out of the restaurant with Lockwood’s hand on the small of your back. You wondered if he’d ever done this before, and you didn’t know if you meant for a real or pretend relationship. You both said your goodbyes to the couple, flattered by the abundance of compliments they paid you — both personally and professionally, assuring you they were overjoyed to have your teams work the case. Just before they stepped into the cab the woman took you aside.

“Hold onto a boy who looks at you like that,” She said, “You might fight, but when he’s this in awe of you, you’ll find a way to make it work.” You didn’t know how to respond to that and so simply nodded, offering a weak smile as she slid into the back seat of the taxi.

That left you and Lockwood alone. You just looked at each other for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.

“Do you mind if we walk home? I really fancy some air right now.” Lockwood easily agreed, looking rather flustered himself, and off the two of you went into the night.

Neither of you spoke for a while, but you could tell he wanted to. Lockwood always chewed his lip when he was holding something back, he had since he was a child. You sighed and asked him, knowing it was the only way to make the habit go away.

“Nothing,” He said, “Just weird. Don’t you think?”

“Nah,” You lied, “Old people just say things like that all the time. They don’t care to know the full picture.”

“Which is?”

“We hate each other.” Hurt flashed through his eyes, but it didn’t make you feel as good as it did the first time you’d said it.

“I don’t hate you,” He said quietly, almost a whisper.

“What?”

“I don’t hate you. We don’t get along anymore, but I don’t hate you. I hope you know that.” You faltered for a second. Had his use of ‘anymore’ been intentional to create a stabbing feeling in your gut?

“Oh. I guess I don’t really hate you either, if we’re getting sappy about it.” You tried to diffuse the tension growing between you, not wanting it to evolve into a discussion about what estranged you in the first place. Lockwood refused to apologise and you refused to forget, resulting in the bitter stalemate you’d been locked in for the past few years.

Your distraction came with a glance over Lockwood’s shoulder, and the wisp of a phantom coming into view. Lockwood was trying to continue the conversation about your developing relationship, but stopped when he noticed you frozen beside him. Turning slowly he swore when he saw the ghost, going straight for his rapier.

“Put your hand into my coat pocket,” He said, effectively drawing you from your freeze.

“Excuse me?” You whisper-yelled, not in the mood for him to try and lighten the mood with whatever dumb joke he was trying to make.

“Just trust me, I have flares in the inside pocket, just reach in and grab them to defend yourself whilst I keep an eye on them.” Them? You wondered until you looked around, seeing other ghosts start to emerge from the shadows, attracted by the scene you were obviously creating. You wasted no more time, ignoring the intimacy of reaching into Lockwood’s jacket, grabbing yourself a flare for each hand. With you accounted for, Lockwood told you the plan, he’d fight a path back to Portland Row and you’d cover the both of you with the flares, since you weren’t good for very much else with a broken wrist and no rapier.

It was hardly the most intense situation you or Lockwood had been in, but as the primary fighter in the situation, Lockwood was still putting up a good show of skill. Despite yourself you were entranced, admiring the graceful way he moved with the rapier, so in tune with it you’d think it was connected to his arm. As much as you hated Lockwood — well, you’d just established you didn’t actually hate him. As much as you thought he was egotistical and irritating, you had to admit that you really admired him as an agent. Lockwood was undeniably talented with a rapier — it was the fencing competition that got him started in this business in the first place — but to watch him in action was really something special. If you didn’t know better you’d think it was easy for him, he fought with the same ease and elegance he might drink a cup of tea.

You were so caught up in watching him that you hardly noticed when you arrived in front of 35 Portland Row, both luckily un-ghost touched. You were also alerted to the proximity you’d found yourself in. You’d stayed close obviously, not wanting to be left to the ghosts, but when Lockwood had turned to make sure you were still with him safely inside the iron fence, you found yourself only inches apart.

At this distance you were alerted to just how much he’d changed since you were kids. He was taller, obviously, your chin tilted up to make eye contact. He’d lost the baby fat that used to fill out his cheeks, leaving his face defined and bordering on gaunt — you figured he wasn’t taking very good care of himself, judging on the dark circles that seemed by now permanent. Plus something had changed in his eyes. He didn’t look carefree anymore, something dark and tortured lay behind the charming smiles. It wasn’t hard to guess what it was, and you figured you probably had something identical. However, the small scar on his jawline from when you accidentally flung a plastic toy into his face was still there which drew a small smile from you. Something within you urged to run your finger along it, and you felt your fingers twitch before you realised how inappropriate it was. That instinct didn’t feel so bad though when you caught Lockwood’s gaze shift down to your lips. Only momentarily, but you saw it. And worse? The fact that you didn’t mind. After all of these years and the fighting and terrible words shared, here you were maybe about to kiss Anthony Lockwood. You would be disgusted with yourself if you didn’t have so many other feelings fighting their way to the top.

The front door opening was enough to make you both jump apart, you rushing towards it to get as far from Lockwood as possible.

“Hey Lucy!” You called, practically floating up the front steps you were going so fast.

“Uh, hey, guys. We thought we heard you outside so I got sent to check. Had to make sure you weren’t secretly making out or something,” She joked and you forced out a laugh, far too loud to be real.

“As if! Come on, I’m dying for some tea.” You slid past her, rushing straight to the kitchen for a minute to think.

Lucy watched you go suspiciously, before turning to Lockwood.

“What did you do?” She interrogated, all her scary Lucy-ness coming out.

“I don’t know,” Lockwood replied earnestly, still somewhat dazed himself. Lucy gave him one last look up and down before returning inside, leaving Lockwood to fix his smile on before rejoining the two teams.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

The week leading up to your team’s next attempt at the hotel was extremely weird. You and Lockwood hadn’t spoken about what had happened (or almost happened) out in the front garden, but you had had a long talk about your behaviour lately. Over a few cups of tea in the kitchen whilst the rest of your teams were working down in the basement, you managed to both admit you were being dickheads. There was no mention of the underlying factors of your resentment, but you both agreed for the sake of your jobs you would try and be friends, or at least civil. No more bickering, no more picking apart small comments, no more rolling eyes.

It worked for a bit, which was really complicating your emotions. On the one hand, Lockwood was lovely, like he’d always been, and it was kind of nice to be able to talk and joke with him again after so many years, although you both carefully avoided the topic of your personal lives. On the other hand, it made you sad to pretend that everything was fine when you knew what you did. He didn’t think you could be an agent; Lockwood didn’t think you were good enough. And you could both pretend all you liked to be friends, but as long as that was what he thought about you it could never be real. So, while you’d both stopped your rivalry on the surface and gotten on with the case, there was a tension bubbling behind your smiles that both of you could see whenever you locked eyes.

It all came to a head when you started discussing your action plan for the hotel. All seven of you were standing in the basement of Portland Row, staring at a blown up floor plan of the place, little figurines representing each of you. It didn’t take you long to realise that you weren’t being represented.

“Where am I?” You asked, an uneasy silence falling over the room.

“You’re not coming.” Lockwood took the fall, even though it had been a unanimous decision whilst you were on an Arif’s run one afternoon.

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t help the biting tone in your words, fury you’d worked hard to conceal bubbling back up to the surface.

“Your wrist—” Sarah tried to reason, but something in you had unlocked and you were not backing down this time.

“You and I know full well if this was a Fittes case I would still be out in the field, broken wrist be damned,” You spat, and you could practically see the gears turning in Lockwood and Lucy’s heads.

“They make you go into the field injured?” Lucy asked, but you weren’t focused on answering her — George nodded for you.

“So who’s barred me from being in the field, on what I might remind you, was my case first.” There were a few moments of silence where no one wanted to be the subject of your anger, but with a resigned sigh, Lockwood accepted the blame.

“It was my idea.” You couldn’t help the frustrated groan that came out of your mouth.

“God, this is so typical! You’ve never thought I was good enough, and now what? Sabotaging my cases? My career? Because you don’t believe in me,” Your voice broke on the last sentence, and you could feel the tears heavy behind your eyes, threatening to fall. You spat a final “Fuck you,” before running up the basement stairs, up to where you knew the bathroom would be for some privacy.

You realised when you were at the top of the stairs that in your time working with Lockwood and Co you hadn’t actually used their bathroom, and didn’t remember which of the closed doors it was. Choosing one blindly you shut yourself inside, finally letting the tears that blurred your vision roll down your cheeks.

You sobbed heavily, indulging all the terrible feelings you’d been concealing for far too long. When the tears weren’t so frequent the setting around you came back into focus, and you noticed with a start you definitely weren’t in the bathroom. The view from the window told you it was Lockwood’s late parent’s bedroom, but the used furniture and messy bed said someone was still living there. Your stomach dropped as you stood, wiping the tears from your eyes. Looking around you were sure this was Lockwood’s room, the suit jacket on the desk chair a dead giveaway. However, a picture frame on his nightstand attracted your attention the most. It was the same one you had in your dorm at Fittes, the one gifted to you by Lockwood’s parents for your birthday. Both of you grinning widely and carelessly joyful. It had been so long since you’d felt like that, even longer since you’d felt it around Lockwood. The thought made your heart ache a bit. His parents would be so disappointed in the two of you. That made you start crying a little again, picking up the photo to examine it closer.

“It’s been there since you left,” A voice from behind you said. “I couldn’t bring myself to put it away.” You hadn’t noticed Lockwood come in and you didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. You put the photo down with a start, turning away to wipe your face dry again.

“Go away, Lockwood. Just give me a minute and I’ll be back downstairs. I overreacted but I need to get over it, okay?” You snapped, praying your face wasn’t still red and splotchy (it was).

“No,” He said, and you turned to face him curiously. “Look, this has gone on long enough and we need to fix things.” You crossed your arms petulantly, a silent challenge for him to fix the damage you believed to be all his. “You said downstairs that I thought you couldn’t be an agent. Why?”

“Don’t you remember when I told you I wanted to be an agent like you?” You scoffed, “You all but laughed in my face! You said I couldn’t do it, that I’d be injured or killed and I couldn’t handle it. I’ve thought about that every case since, you killed my self esteem for years. I thought that if no one else, my best friend should have believed in me. But here I am, youngest team leader at Fittes with the highest successful case rate for my division. All in spite of you.” Lockwood stared at you, and you could practically see his neurons firing and making connections at a million miles an hour.

“That’s not what I said.” You could barely contain your bitter laugh.

“Does it matter? You didn’t believe in me, that’s what’s important.”

“No,” He said, “Because that’s not what I meant at all. I did believe in you — I do. I always have.” You scoffed again as he stumbled over his words. A little grovelling now couldn’t make up for all the years of anxiety and insecurity he’d caused.

“I mean it! If I didn’t believe in you, then what’s all this?” He led you to one of his dresser drawers. Opening it there were a stack of papers and you picked a few of them up, flipping through them. Every single one was about you. Photos from your childhood together, newspaper clippings of your successes throughout the years, the magazine article you interviewed for talking about women in power in the ghost hunting field. Lockwood had saved every piece of media about you, the ragged edges showing he’d ripped them out just to keep them. You remained silent, astonished by this new revelation. You looked up at him, and Lockwood could have cried at the look in your eyes.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t be an agent,” He explained, “Or that’s not what I meant. I meant that you shouldn’t, or more clearly, I was saying don’t. Asking. Don’t you remember? My parents were dead, my sister had just died. You were all I had left, and I didn’t want you to jump head first into the most dangerous job in the world. I wanted to protect you.” It was Lockwood’s turn for his voice to break and tears to arise, and you suddenly felt supremely stupid.

“Oh,” Was all you could say. After all of these years; the insults thrown and dirty looks exchanged, all your anger came from a misunderstanding? Not only that, a misunderstanding that twisted such an earnest declaration of care into something so awful.

“But you did it, and you weren’t just any agent,” He laughed slightly despite his emotions, “You were the best bloody agent Fittes has ever seen and all I could do was watch from the shadows and be proud of you silently. Why do you think Lucy knew who you were already? There were pictures of you all over the house before I made them take them all down when I knew we were working together. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“But all the arguing…” You trailed off, still unable to completely process this information.

“Just because I love you doesn’t mean you don’t drive me up the wall, especially when you were being — or I believed you were — deliberately obtuse to my efforts to explain myself. But now I see we were just on totally different wavelengths.” You were really struggling, there was a lot of new information being revealed at such a rapid pace that was completely changing your perspective on your whole adolescence.

“You love me?” Lockwood did laugh this time, loudly and with the same charm he usually had.

“Yes, you idiot. I have since we were kids.”

Oh. Oh. You suddenly felt like an idiot. All of this time you thought that Lockwood believed you were weak, not good enough, not worthy of your successes, when in fact it was the complete opposite. And then you thought about how you felt about Lockwood. How his believed lack of faith in you affected you so much because you cared so deeply about what he thought of you. How you could never bring yourself to look away when he was fighting because he was so completely in his element. How nice it had been to be able to joke around with him during your research. Oh God. You thought you simply respected him and his skills as an agent, but evidently the truth had been just out of reach your whole life.

“Anthony?” He was already looking at you, eyes searching deep into your soul. “I think I might love you too.” Neither of you could help the kiddish smiles making their way on your faces, and he wrapped his arms around you tightly before you knew what was happening. It felt nice to be held by him again, the last time would have been after his sister died. These were much better circumstances.

When you both came down the stairs later, no one mentioned your intertwined hands. You all had a lovely dinner at Portland Row, warmth and laughter filling the space and making you feel at home like you used to when you were a kid.

It wasn’t until you were on your way back to the Fittes dorms that Sarah leaned over to you, mischievous grin on her face.

“Tell me you were making out up there, please,” She giggled, and you shoved her away lightheartedly.

“Shut up,” You laughed, “Besides, it wasn’t making out.”

[spriteofmushrooms]

As Nie Huaisang poured their tea, Jiang Cheng rubbed his thumb against the carved wooden box in his lap and tried not to fret over what the other man was thinking. He knew what he looked like: the white streak at his temple announced it all. Jiang Cheng's cultivation was failing, and with the discussion conference tomorrow, it would be impossible to hide. Not even the reputation of Sandu Shengshou could shield him from being known now.

"Jiang-xiong, if you brought me a present, you have to give it to me," Nie Huaisang said behind his fan. His eyes seemed amused, at least, maybe.

"I know that," Jiang Cheng said, flustered and annoyed for being so. He placed it on the table between them.

Nie Huaisang tapped his hand with the closed fan where he hadn't yet pulled it away, and Jiang Cheng snatched it back to his lap. "It's a beautiful box, Jiang-xiong, but you can't keep it, either!"

"We're supposed to drink tea first," Jiang Cheng groused as Nie Huaisang's dainty fingers opened the lid.

"No, I distinctly recall the Gusu edict that states gifts are more important than anything," Nie Huaisang said. "If it's on their wall, you know it's orthodoxy itself. Oh, what are these?"

In his hands, the brilliant pressed ink cakes were even more beautiful. He was holding the azure bird, and his skin glowed against it. "One of the painters in Lotus Cove has... eccentric ideas. She's been experimenting with pigment and ash combinations. These are her more stable creations, but even then, they're not as permanent as standard ink. But, well." Jiang Cheng pulled a small book out of his sleeve and handed it over. "Here."

Nie Huaisang pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, darted a glance at Jiang Cheng's face, and then set the ink cake back into the box. "I don't have enough hands," he whined, but he took the book graciously. Page by page, his expression grew sharper; a slight flush brightened his cheeks. "A generous gift, Jiang-xiong."

Jiang Cheng swallowed. "She said the pink is especially fleeting, so you shouldn't hang anything with it in direct sunlight," he said gruffly. "Some of them have inclusions that make them act unpredictably in water. It's... You'll have to work with them a lot. To know how they'll perform."

"This kingfisher shimmers with true to life colors," Nie Huaisang murmured. After a moment of silence, he said, "I haven't painted in a long time."

"I know," Jiang Cheng said miserably. At the other's look, he added, "The fans from the last few years weren't your style."

Instantly, Nie Huaisang's fan was between them again. Jiang Cheng looked away, neck hot.

After a tense silence, Nie Huaisang said, "Jiang-xiong, would you tell me if something was wrong?"

"You know something is."

"Can something be done?" Nie Huaisang paused. "Gusu healers, perhaps?"

Jiang Cheng scoffed. "What Lan would help me? Hanguang-jun has never hidden his disdain for me, and Zewu-jun seems determined to live on darkness and silence forever. The Lans who would graciously ignore the feelings of one can't forgive me for being associated with Jin Guangyao and Guanyin Temple, for not noticing a-Ling's xiao-shushu was a treacherous minx who had beguiled the First Jade and would hurt his precious feelings later. As if I've ever picked up on anything like that before."

"How is Jin-zongzhu?" It was hard to read Nie Huaisang's tone, but that wasn't new.

Jiang Cheng fiddled with Zidian, tugging the chain. "He has his friends, his duties, and his shibo."

"Not his jiujiu?"

"You know how Wei Wuxian is," Jiang Cheng said.

Another pause. "I suppose I do." Nie Huaisang picked up and repositioned ink cakes for a moment before asking, "Does he know?"

"Unless the Jin spies defected, yes."

Nie Huaisang rapped his knuckles with the fan, and Jiang Cheng looked up at him. "He should have heard it from you."

"You don't get to tell me how to die," Jiang Cheng snapped.

Nie Huaisang looked bored. "Oh? Then why are you here?"

"This is why tea is supposed to be drunk first," Jiang Cheng said peevishly. "The entire pot is cold now."

Nie Huaisang draped himself over the couch and fanned himself. "You're a thorough person, Jiang-xiong. You must have an heir to announce tomorrow; likely, one of your usual retinue to these things. Not your head disciple, for as dear as that boy is, he doesn't have the head for politics, and politics and reputation have kept YunmengJiang safe. Chen Helin?" At Jiang Cheng's sharp look, he added, "I pay attention to you, too, Jiang-xiong."

"If you know everything, why ask?"

"No one can know everything," Nie Huaisang said gently. "I very often know nothing and must hope for the best. QingheNie hasn't fallen yet, which suggests even caged birds in pavilions aren't always prey." He looked at the box. "You want me to paint again. Why now?"

"After," Jiang Cheng started. He wasn't used to seeing Nie Huaisang's entire face. He wasn't used to seeing Nie Huaisang in soft, unembroidered robes. He wasn't used to seeing Nie Huaisang's hair down from its braids. "After," he repeated, "I didn't ask about your leg."

Nie Huaisang waited, but then murmured, "It healed."

Jiang Cheng swallowed. "I was selfish. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about Chifeng-zun's body or what seeing it in pieces would do to you, because I can't—things are better when you don't think about them. But you stopped painting when he died, Nie-xiong, and all I did back then was scold you for not knowing how to triage your sect in its grief. In your grief." Here, the traitor that used to be his body swelled, and the foreign wave of mourning filled him once again. "You should paint," Jiang Cheng said through tears.

"Oh." Nie Huaisang opened his mouth, and then he closed it, simply looking at Jiang Cheng. "Come here," he said, patting the couch.

Obediently, Jiang Cheng moved to sit next to him.

"Good, good. Put your face here, please."

Jiang Cheng hesitated, but was it wrong to seek comfort when invited? He hadn't asked for it. Nie Huaisang probably didn't know how much he needed it, so it wasn't like he pressured him into it. He fell forward and pressed his face into Nie Huaisang's neck. Engulfed by the complex herbal and spice blend preferred in Qinghe incense and Nie Huaisang's sweet, peppery chrysanthemum, he simply breathed.

"You helped me a lot back then, Jiang-xiong." Nie Huaisang was a little cooler than him, since their cultivation levels were so different, but it was refreshing on his heated cheeks. "Maybe you were stringent, but someone fussing at me to take care of my duties was comforting." His hand moved to the back of Jiang Cheng's head. "I'm sorry I didn't go to Lotus Pier and make a complete nuisance of myself when you needed one."

"I didn't expect you to."

"Why?"

"They said I killed your friend."

Nie Huaisang's hand tightened in his hair. "Weren't you my friend?"

Jiang Cheng didn't want to say that he didn't know, so he said nothing.