#I've really been stuck in trying to fit that 'no features no curves' look to obtain 'perfect' androgyny

[blu-bat]

thinking about my relationship with fashion and being nonbinary and being black and I simply can't forgive the white queers for making me think the "default" nonbinary was just being skinny and masc

but also shoutout to all the nonbinary poc (especially black nonbines) that break that stigma. goes to show that even in the grander scheme of the alphabet mafia you still need your own communities to resonate with

[idontblushsrry]

Levitating|| Shunsui Kyoraku

Pairing: Shunsui x GN Reader

WC: 1,555

A/N: This started as a writing exercise so that I could get back into the flow of writing again but I like it so I'm posting it. Sorry I've been MIA for like 2 years, I'll be posting on again/off again for a while. Also I changed some of the lyrics of the song, Dua Lipa stans pls don't come for me.

Warnings: None, some swearing?, there's talk of marriage because I feel like the Soul Society doesn't really have "dating"

Shunsui + Levitating

I believe that you're for me, I feel it in our energy // I see us written in the stars

Shunsui knew that he was an old man. It was a notion he never attempted to disavow himself of, finding it to be a pointless endeavour; Besides, he was proud of his age.

With age, comes wisdom, one that he has refined enough to know not to deny the fluttering of his heart whenever he so much as heard your name. For him, it was nothing to be  embarrassed about, no matters of the heart were. He would readily admit that it was a bit disorienting. One moment he’d be talking with Nanao and suddenly his breath would be stolen at the slightest hint of your perfume. 

You possessed a gift so unique, a hold over him like no other. Being in your presence somehow managed to send him back to his days in the academy, leaving him feeling like nothing more than a lovesick student. You’d set his heart alight and made it seem as though the world was slipping away every time you smiled. Your visage immediately righted any wrongs. He was sure that your laughter could cure any affliction he may be ailed with. To put it simply, Shunsui had found himself utterly enraptured by you and yet, he didn’t mind. The butterflies you’d managed to elicit from him only added to the weightless feeling he’d become stuck with since meeting you.

We can go wherever, so let's do it now or never, baby // Nothing's ever, ever too far

You hadn’t treated Shunsui any different from normal, but it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. The usually laid-back yet sharp captain suddenly became ditzy and distracted whenever you so much as glanced at him. He was quite obvious, and though he hadn’t quite acted upon his feelings, he’d made it clear where he stood. His schedule as head captain didn’t allow him free time at the best of moments and yet Nanao somehow found herself overencumbered trying to fit ‘Lunch with Y/N <3’ into Shunsui’s schedule.

“I don’t see why you don’t make things official with her. Everyone already knows that you two are sickeningly in love with each other”, Nanao would frequently complain.

Shunsui would always fix her with a look that would make her regret saying anything and reply, “Matters of the heart can’t be rushed.”

If you asked Nanao, it was all arbitrary bullshit. If she voiced that particular complaint however, Shunsui would “remind” her that she’d “understand when you have someone to love”.

Glitter in the sky, glitter in our eyes//Shining just the way we are

“Oh Shunsui, this is lovely.”

As you cooed over the late-night picnic that he set up, he took a moment to examine your features. The curve of your mouth, the slope of your nose, the reverent way your hair framed your face. Everything about you looked lovely as usual, bathed in moonlight however…

He’d give you anything you wanted.

When you looked at him with those eyes, endlessly rich and glittering with the light of the night sky, he couldn’t help but yearn to kiss you. Even just a gentle press against your lips, oh how he’d kiss you so lovingly. He’d hold you so gently and ask if he could have just one more, one more, one more.

Your gaze flickered down to his lips.

He ran his tongue over them and he swore your eyes grew darker.

You placed a tentative hand into his hair, nervous but sure fingers weaving their way into his tresses. He swears then and there that he has never loved his hair more (if only so that there’s more of him for you to touch).

He cups your face with his hand. You lean into his palm and smile. He feels that weightless feeling come back as he leans forward to feel that smile against his skin when--

“Oh Shunsui look! Did you know there were going to be fireworks tonight?”

He did, it’s one of the reasons he planned a date on the rooftop of his home. He wanted you to see the fireworks and he wanted to see the way your skin would look bathed in the multi-colored light. He doesn’t regret the way your face lights up, this time in awe, but he does wish the timing could’ve been a little better.

He supposes the feeling of your body pressed against his is an apt substitute.

I feel like we're forever, every time we get together//But whatever, let's get lost on Mars

It is not long after the night with the fireworks that Shunsui decides that maybe Nanao was right. He found that the temptation of you was far too much for him to bear. He’d been distracted since that night with thoughts of you, driven himself half mad wondering what could’ve been if he’d leaned in a fraction sooner.

It isn’t until he visits your office for a quick cup of tea (something that both you and Nanao have scolded him for) that he has this realization however. You tell him that you don’t have much time to chat, Seireitei Communications is running some special issue from what he can recall, but you’re happy to spend this time with him. 

As you get up, telling him he’s free to stay as long as he’d like, “Although, you really should get back to work Shunsui, you’ll stress poor Nanao out”, and leave, he feels a sinking feeling for the first time in relation to you. It all just clicks for him that he wants the feelings he has with you to last forever. He wants a lifetime of levitating, of your joy, of your glittering eyes locked onto him, he wants you for as long as you’ll have him.

He realizes that the fluttering feeling comes back at the mere thought of calling you his spouse.

As he floats back to his office (he isn’t quite sure that his feet ever touch the ground), confusing every person he passes along the way, he places an order for a ring and decides to have a talk with you after things settle down.

Later, when you drop by his office with snacks as a small pick-me-up, you ask him what’s got him so giddy. He merely replies with a look that turns heated the longer he looks at you. It softens at the adorably flustered way you mess with your hair and look away from him. You try your damnedest to avoid making eye contact with him, squirming in such a way that, if he were less of a gentleman he’d pull you close and feel how affected one look made you.

As it stands, he decides he can wait a little longer.

‘You want me, I want you, baby’

After mulling it over, he decides he wants the proposal to be a private affair. The entirety of the Sereitei may know of your feelings for each other but that didn’t mean they needed to see this. He wanted to keep the way that your face-- nightsky eyes glimmering-- would light up to himself. He never considered himself to be a selfish man but he supposed when it came to you, everything became unexpected.

He still remembers the way his stomach, twisted in knots, became miraculously clear when you smiled. He asked if marriage was what you wanted, if it was ok to marry you. All the more reason to keep the proposal private, it’s much harder to reject a public suit from the captain of the 13 Court Guard Squads (you’d still reject him if you wanted regardless, another reason he was nervous).

You looked at him, trying to piece together what he was asking before deciding on your answer. “I’d love to marry you if that’s what you’re asking me Shunsui.” Somehow, your smile grew even larger, he wasn’t sure what his face looked like but he’s sure his grin matched yours.

Just thinking back to that day makes this moment all the more important. In the weeks following that conversation, you’d joked that you’d be eagerly awaiting his next move. He’d welcomed the challenge, stupidly. Now he was standing here fretting over if the grass was green enough, what if you suddenly became allergic to his shampoo-- He hoped that you wouldn’t notice the clamminess of his hands.

Another power that you found yourself ordained with, making the great Head Captain nervous. He could sense your spiritual pressure before you, which made him snap out of ‘panic mode’ into ‘focused commander mode’.

When he saw you, dressed up beautifully, jewels in your braided hair. He relaxed incrementally, this wasn’t a battle to be won, you were the one he loved. He was proposing, all he had to do was speak from the heart (easy) and hope you’d accept (he was sure you would but he was nonsensical at the best of times).

He saw recognition in your eyes, like a loose thread that has finally been tucked back into place. Your eyes tear up as he moves to ask you the question that has plagued his mind for months.

You nearly burst into tears, nodding happily and sealing your engagement with a kiss.

I'm levitating

[singularattitudeofasafetypin]

Merry Christmas Sweetheart

Masterlist

Summary: Christmassy fluff! Getting a Christmas tree with Eddie and decorating it later with him and Wayne. Just some feel good fluff for the holidays!

Word Count: 2.2k ish

Warnings: reference to Eddie's mum having died, other than that, pure fluff!

A/N: It's been ages since I wrote stuff! I was really struggling with this but as I've read it through today for a last edit, I actually feel really good about it! It might not be my best work but I like it! I hope you guys do and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

Please don't steal my work!

Sharp winter air hit your face the moment Eddie opened the door. He helped you down from the van by the gloved hand, rewarded for his chivalry with a kiss. A fleeting smile crossed his mouth before he tucked his hands under his armpits and cursed under his breath, “I still don’t understand why we had to get here this early!”

His complaint turned to fog in the cold. He groaned and stamped his feet on the frosty ground, trying to conjure warmth. You rolled your eyes and reached for the coat and scarf still resting on the front seat. “Because,” you answered, reiterating for the tenth time, “If we don’t, all the good ones will be gone!” Eddie grumbled through your explanation. Your playful slap made him pout like a toddler as you forced him into more layers. “Besides!” you tied his scarf in a knot and pulled a navy-blue hat down over his chestnut curls, “Look how beautiful it is!”

The morning sky really was a sight to behold. A pastel ombre, orange fire on the horizon fading through white to an icy blue overlaid with the merest hint of pink. Eddie followed your outstretched arm but the landscape did little to impress him. Instead, his eyes fell back to you. The soft curve of your smile, cheeks and nose tinged rose by the cold and the dawn light bathing your face in warm light, sparkling in your eyes.

“Yeah,” he gave in, “It’s beautiful!”

You turned your smile back on him; he dropped his gaze like a schoolboy caught staring at his crush. You took his hand, laughing a little, “Come on!”

*

Frost crunched under your welly boots but as you reached the field, the sound muffled. Tarmac gave way to soggy mud. You skirted around half frozen puddles, holding onto each other to keep from slipping as you explored the maze of evergreens.

The Christmas tree farm was all but deserted.

“This one!” Eddie called, a few rows over. You followed his voice to find him staring up some ten feet in the air. He turned, a grin spreading across his features as you took in the summit of the colossal pine and burst into a fit of giggles.

“Eddie, it’s three times the size of your trailer!”

He shrugged like he couldn’t possibly fathom the issue. “We could set it sideways? Or Wayne could drill a hole in the roof!” The clueless act began to drop at the last syllable and he too dissolved into laughter.

“You are ridiculous Eddie Munson!” you managed between hiccups.

“Okay! Okay!” he wiped the tears from his eyes, “What about that one?”

He pointed at a sapling that barely reached your knees. The pair of you lapsed into hysteria again.

The morning drew on, echoing your gleeful laughter. The sun rose, washing the sky a deeper blue and chasing the faint wisps of cloud while the trees seemed to sparkle with fairy dust. A magical spell cast just for you.

Eddie managed to find every misshapen tree to put forward as a contender Too tall, too short, branches stuck out in all directions. There was one almost entirely bare on one side and Eddie had to bite his lip to keep composed while he pleaded its case.

*

It took an hour and a half before you found it.

Teeth chattering, the icy temperature was beginning to see through your gloves and boots. You were almost ready to give up when you rounded a corner and stopped dead in your tracks.

“Eddie!”

A nearby groan answered. He trudged through the line of trees, welly boots dragging through the sludge. The cold was getting to him as well, he always felt it terribly, but the grumbling stopped abruptly. Behind you, he drew a sharp breath.

It was perfect.

Lovely and full. Just the right size, the needles thick and the deepest shade of green.

You didn’t speak, just smiled at the little tree. Eddie’s arms snaked around your waist from behind as he perched his chin on your shoulder. “This one?”

When you didn’t answer, he pushed his nose against your cheek, and you squealed at the sudden cold, “Yes! Yes! This one!”

He laughed, pulling you closer and kissing you everywhere he could reach.

In moments, your tree had been cut and packaged. The two of you stumbled across the rapidly thawing parking lot toward Eddie’s van

“Here, set her down!” He leant the exquisite fir against the side of the van while he fumbled with the keys.

“You sound just like Wayne!” you teased as he pulled open the back doors and hefted the tree inside with a roll of his eyes.

Eddie flicked the heating on as soon as you were safely tucked in the front, warming his trembling, red fingers over the grate and blowing air into his palms.

Other people were only just starting to arrive. Cars full of excited families with restless kids slid past you.

“See!” you pointed out the window triumphantly, “If we’d waited, our tree would already be gone!”

“Fine!” he sighed, “You were right! What do you want from me?”

*

“She’s a beauty!” Uncle Wayne exhaled heavily as he straightened; his aging knees ached with the effort. He smiled at the little Christmas tree, now perfectly situated in one corner of the Munson’s living room.

Your heart swelled with pride. “You like it?”

Wayne hugged an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in and pressing an affectionate kiss to your temple. “You did a wonderful job!”

You beamed, snuggling your face into the warm, familiar knit of his jumper and throwing your own arms around him.

“Hey, I helped too!”

Eddie’s indignant voice grew louder, and he emerged from the hallway. His arms were laden with Christmas lights.

“More like hindered!” you quipped, shooting a mischievous smile from your safe haven. “What have you done to those lights?”

Your boyfriend tugged on a tangled string with an affronted huff, “Hey, don’t look at me! Wayne put them away last year!”

Nearly a half hour, it took to unravel them and wind them around the tree. You stood on a chair to reach the top and Eddie hovered inches away, keeping track of your balance, feeding you the next section of lights.

Next came tinsel! Tucked between the branches in halos of scarlet.

‘We used to have gold,’ Wayne explained, setting down a small cardboard box filled to the brim with decorations. “‘til this one decided to chop it all up to make costumes when he was seven!”

“You did not!” Your head whipped round to stare at your boyfriend, jaw-dropped, at the guilty expression spreading over his face.

Wayne nodded. “He did! I found bits of it scattered all over the floor and the rest tied round his head like a nativity angel!”

“I was being creative!” He protested, then looking to you for mercy, “I thought you liked that about me!”

Your smile softened, “I love that about you!” You opened your arms and Eddie leaned in to your comfort with a mumbled,

“Thank you!”

You smirked at Wayne over Eddie’s curly head, “So, were you supposed to be a wizard or a dragon?”

He snorted and Eddie groaned, “Obviously, a wizard!”

*

Baubles were divided between the three of you and scattered over the green boughs. Then came the special decorations!

Some had been collected on Wayne’s travels. Before Eddie, he’d made a point of compiling an ornament for every city he visited. Most had been broken over the years, adopting a toddler one year out of the blue had come with its fair share of accidents, but a precious few still remained. A glass blown statue of liberty for New York, a plaster image of the golden gate bridge from San Francisco, a wooden cityscape of Atlanta, and a hand-painted postcard from Phoenix. These were hung meticulously above the rest, Wayne telling the stories behind each one.

The others had all been made by Eddie in elementary school. Every year he asked his uncle why they didn’t just throw them away, a dark red flushing his cheeks at the sight of his younger-self’s handiwork. And every year, Wayne would act offended, launching into a speech about how precious and important they were to him.

This year, you got to see the assortment of delicate decorations, clay and cardboard and pipe cleaners fashioned into different types of dragons and other monsters. You couldn’t help but smile at the idea of little Eddie proudly presenting his gluey, glittered projects to his teacher. They couldn’t have known what to say!

While the two men argued, you fished the last ornament from the bottom of the box. It was wrapped in bubble wrap, more neatly than any of the others had been. Secured with sticky tape you now carefully slipped your nails under and peeled back.

A small plaster-cast circle fell into your hand, connected with a baby blue ribbon. Eddie fell silent when he saw what you were holding. Wayne laid a hand on his shoulder, gentle but full of firm reassurance.

You turned it over in your hand a small gasp escaped your mouth. On the other side, a photograph of a woman holding a red-faced infant, grainy and slightly faded, stared back at you. Underneath, the words, ‘Eddie’s First Christmas’ were written in the same blue.

The woman in the picture was smiling, dimples creasing at the sides of her mouth and though the flash had distorted the lighting, you could make out her warm brown eyes, the colour of melted chocolate.

You looked up to see those same eyes gazing back at you, filled with vulnerability. With a small smile, you reached out and pressed the ornament into his palm. His fingers closed around yours. Eddie mirrored your smile. If he had been anyone else, you might have missed the tears he blinked away so fast. He spun on his heel and hung the little plaque in pride of place.

The moment was over as soon as it had begun and Eddie was on his knees, presenting you the star with pomp and circumstance, then lifting you up to place it atop the tree. Wayne smiled and applauded as your feet hit the ground, dropping to his knees and crawling under the tree for the light switch.

Eddie snuck a quick kiss and made you giggle.

The tree burst to life. Brilliant golds, reds, pinks and blues warmed the dim living room, illuminating the shadows and sparkling in Eddie’s awe-filled eyes. All those colours reflecting in their bottomless depths; you couldn’t look away.

He caught you staring. Your mouth was hanging half open and he laughed. “You like what you see?” he teased, breaking the spell and earning a playful shove.

“Who wants hot chocolate?” Wayne announced. He checked his watch, “I’ve got a half hour before I gotta head out to work!”

*

Before long, the three of you were settled on the couch, laughing and talking, steaming mugs in your hands. Wayne had put on a tape of old-timey Christmas songs in the background. Their brassy melodies serenaded warm conversation. Wayne glanced at his watch, drained the dregs, and left to fetch his work bag.

You snuggled closer into your boyfriend’s side. His chest rose and fell in steady, contented rhythm as he hummed along to the music. His arm settled around your body, inviting you closer still.

Your eyes travelled over the tree, watching the lights twinkle and admiring the fruits of your combined labours. Once again, you found the precious photo ornament on the blue ribbon, suspended among the needles.

“You look just like her!” you murmured, nuzzling against Eddie’s shirt. He stopped humming and for a second, you worried you’d overstepped, but he tightened his arm around you and pressed a kiss to your crown.

“I know,” he said softly, leaning his cheek against your hair, “Wayne tells me all the time!”

You shifted to look up at him. His eyes were shining again. Was it tears or just the lights? He sniffed and glanced at the tree, then back at you. “I really wish you could have met her!”

Reaching up, you traced your fingers over his cheek. They came back damp with the ghost of a tear. “Me too!”

Eddie smiled and sniffed again, his own hand coming up to cradle yours. You nestled together again, sipping the last bits of hot chocolate in comfortable silence, resting in each-others love.

Wayne came back in, said his goodbyes as he shrugged his coat on and smiled at the pair of you before making his way into the cold December night. The sound of his car starting up and the headlights along the wall faded into the dark leaving you alone together.

Outside, a few flakes of snow began to fall, carried about on the silent breeze. They spiralled and floated like dancers on a shrouded stage.

You sat there for hours, enjoying one another’s company and basking in the warmth. The lights began to blur as your eyes drooped closed. You leaned closer into Eddie’s chest and sighed. “Merry Christmas, Eddie!”

He smiled sleepily, “Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!”

*

Thank you for reading! Please consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment! I love to hear what people think of my writing! It gives me such a boost to know if people enjoy it!

Check out my Masterlist for the rest of my work!

Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @ladymunson, @idathereader

[rattyoakenbitch]

❝𝐬𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝❞ ─ 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

oh, you're cold as ice, baby. i don't wanna fight, baby. it's like i told you; if you stay, i'll stay

❥ content ; gn reader, angst, happy ending

❥ warnings ; toxicity, drinking, strong language, big but legal age gap, steamy makeout session

❥ synopsis ; after a series of stressful events, you find yourself drinking again. unfortunately, so does spencer.

❥ a/n ; none !

With a heavy, bone-tired sigh, Spencer stepped out of the elevator, making a beeline towards his apartment. He stopped outside the door, bringing his hand to his head. He ran it through his long, textured waves, his fingers getting stuck at the strands tangled together.

Spencer stayed like that, nervously idling outside his apartment. The apartment he shared with you.

Spencer had traveled to California for a case with his team prior. It had been days, if not a week since he had actually seen or talked to you. The day of his departure, you weren't exactly on the best of terms.

You loved Spencer. You didn't doubt it for a second. You would have left him long ago if you didn't. Still, your relationship wasn't perfect. You were both very different, career wise. You were an aspiring photographer, and worked at a local coffee shop on the side. Spencer worked at the BAU. Very different. You had just graduated from college when you met Spencer, and, despite the fact that he was almost ten years older, you hit it off and eventually began dating. Though your messy, inconsistent schedules got in the way of any quality time you could spend together, neither of you decided to go your seperate ways. You didn't want to. You were stubborn. So was Spencer. Not because he was desperate. Hell, he didn't even need to try to get girls. He was practically a pussy magnet.

But he chose you. And you chose him. Because you were both in love. Real love, and that's rare.

It still didn't change the fact that you were bothered by Spencer's lack of presence. You openly voiced your frustration over it several times, but you eventually learned to accept that your relationship would never be normal like that. As long as there were bad guys fucking shit up, Spencer would have no time being lovey-dovey.

Which is why Spencer felt uneasy, afraid of what he'd find at the other side of the door. Would you still greet him with open arms? Or would you shun him?

Well, you did neither.

Your eyes were glued to the screen in front of you, but you weren't mentally present. Which is also why you didn't notice Spencer walk in, his jaw hanging open.

The first thing he noticed were the crushed up cans dumped across the floor, along with broken glass bottles, identical to the one you held in your hand.

The apartment was void of any light, save for the dim illumination the TV screen emitted. Spencer almost didn't notice you in the darkness. You were curled up on the corner of the couch, your eyes, again, never once leaving the screen. Of course, the TV didn't provide enough light for Spencer to make out any your features, but he knew it was you.

"Y-You're drinking again?!" was the first thing Spencer could blurt out, his mind racing with thoughts. You jumped up from your spot on the couch, your heartbeat speeding up at the abrupt noise. You clumsily leaned over to the side table, switching on the lamp. The sudden brightness stung, causing tears to well in your bloodshot eyes.

"Ah - shit," you mumbled, rubbing your eyes. "Hello to you, too. I didn't even hear you come in."

"No, you didn't! What is all this?! What-" Spencer was at a loss for words. He scanned you from head to toe, not believing his eyes. Your hair was unkempt, to put it lightly. The dark circles under your tired eyes seemed to have become a deeper shade since the last time he had seen. Your lips were chapped, but wet with alcohol that also stained your clothes.

"Why?" was all Spencer managed to get out.

You shrugged your shoulders. "Dunno, got a little lonely and bored.." If it weren't for the alcohol, you don't know if you'd be able to remain calm in a situation like this.

"God! You could have stayed with family - I don't know! Just look at the place! Have you even left the apartment at all?"

"How can I stay with family when my only family is states away and constantly traveling?!" you finally snapped angrily.

"Is this what this is about?" Spencer said softly, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. He looked away from your hard stare, afraid of the guilt he'd feel.

You stuck out your bottom lip in a mocking pout. "Figure it out, genius boy."

"Watch it," Spencer snapped, but you merely rolled your eyes at him.

"You're not my dad. You're barely a boyfriend! You don't order me around," you sneered, watching a flash of pain spread across Spencer's face. But he was quick to compose himself, playing the calm, peace maker.

"Look, we can discuss this tomorrow when we're both rested and sober."

"Oh, really? The last time we made plans, you had to leave. It's all you know."

"Well what do you want me to do?! Do you want me to quit my job?!"

"I don't know, Spencer! I don't know anything, anymore!" you shouted back. Your head began to spin, tears blurring your vision and then you were on the floor, drunkenly grabbing at the air for support. Spencer rushed to your side, attempting to help, only for you to shove him back, harder than you probably intended. Now you were both a mess on the floor, crying and mumbling curses.

Spencer crawled towards you, clasping your hand in his. "Let me help, sweetheart. S'all I wanna do."

"I don't need your damn help," you scowled, hot tears still spilling down your flushed cheeks. You placed your free hand on his chest, but didn't try pushing him away. "I don't want it.. And I don't want you."

Spencer felt his heart ache at the statement, but he knew it was a lie. A facade.

"I know you don't mean that."

"Well you didn't mean it when you said 'I love you' so I guess we're both liars," you scoffed pitifully.

"I meant it, Y/N, and you know it." You remained silent. "I love you. I really do."

"No, just shut up and this'll be easier."

Tired of your attitude, Spencer gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at him, your glossy eyes locking with his deep browns.

"Dammit, Y/N, listen to me. I love you, so, so much, that I will put up with your stubborn attitude that I hate so much, because deep down, I know you're the biggest softie. And you love me, too, no matter what you say to get me to believe you don't."

"I don't love you." Lies. "I wish I never met you."

Spencer pressed his forehead against yours, nearly headbutting you with the sudden action. His lips just barely brushed against yours, and you could feel his hot breath fan your face.

"Don't you lie to me."

"I'm not lying. I hate you. I fucking loathe you, Spencer Reid."

"Then why haven't you backed away?" he whispered, his voice laced with hope.

Silence.

"Answer m-"

Just like that, your lips were on his, roughly claiming them while effectively shutting him up. Spencer didn't waste a second kissing you back, returning the same roughness. He slipped his tongue past your bottom lip, tasting the bitter alcohol that tainted them. You let out a quiet moan, hoping, just hoping he didn't hear. But of course he did, and that only encouraged him. He wrapped his arms around you desperately, trying to get as close to you as physically possible. Your bodies pressed up against each other perfectly, fitting together in all the right places and curves like a puzzle piece, made for each other.

And this is where you belonged, tangled up in your lover's arms. You didn't want to part. More than anything, you didn't want to break away. But eventually you had to, your lungs suddenly feeling tight with lack of oxygen.

You buried your head in the crook of Spencer's neck, sobbing out.

"God, I've missed you so much. Please don't leave me again. I love you so much, Spencer." You repeated it like a mantra, afraid Spencer would disappear into thin air if you stopped.

Spencer rubbed circles on your back comfortingly. "Shh, baby, I'm right here. I won't leave. I'm sorry. I love you so much," he cooed. "We'll be okay."

[sirfrogsworth]

Do you know of any good Photoshop alternatives? I've been looking at Affinity but I'm not sure if I want to take the plunge.

It kind of depends on the work you are doing. Photoshop is great for photography, photo manipulation, graphic design, and digital art. There are alternative programs that do some of those well individually, but there really isn’t much that can do everything Photoshop can do as well as Photoshop. As much as I get frustrated with Adobe, it isn’t the industry standard for nothing. Photoshop also has massive 3rd party support for presets, brushes, plugins, etc. All of that can be hard for other software to compete with. So when looking for an alternative you need to figure out what your priorities are so you can get most of the features you need. 

I haven’t used Affinity yet, but I have read several reviews and it does look like a strong contender. The UI looks beautiful and easy to work with. From what I’ve read people seem to really like it. The cons I remember are that it can be buggy (growing pains of newer software), certain tasks are slower, and it isn’t quite as powerful as Photoshop as far as features. The lack of 3rd party plugins is hard to contend with. Also, if you ever need to collaborate with artists who use other software it can be a bit of a hassle. It has PSD support, but the review I read said it doesn’t always export everything perfectly. This was about 6 months ago, so they may have addressed all of that. It does look like they have a free trial, so I think that is definitely worth checking out. 

I’m not as familiar with the digital art space, as my background is photography, design, and manipulation, but I know a lot of folks love Paint Tool Sai for painting and inking. But I know very little about it otherwise.  

If you do photography and raw image editing, Capture One is a very strong alternative to both Lightroom and Photoshop. A lot of photographers are switching and not looking back. If you ever do tethered photography it is worlds faster than Lightroom. And it has some cool layer features that I wish Lightroom would figure out. It can’t really do proper photo manipulation (adding new backgrounds, special effects, etc), so if that is an aspect of your workflow, you may need to combine it with another program.  

GIMP is the most popular and it is free. Though it feels like it was designed by only programmers without much input from artists. It can be frustrating because of that. The learning curve for advanced work is steep and the UI is clunky. There is a version called “GIMPshop” that mimics the UI of Photoshop which might be easier to work with. 

Paint.net is a super simple editing program. It’s very lightweight so it will run on any Windows machine with great performance. But I wouldn’t try to do anything too advanced. I like using it when I need to do a quick crop or levels adjustment. It opens way faster than Photoshop. In fact, you can probably crop a picture and save it faster than it takes for Photoshop to get its act together. 

All of that said, I think the best thing to do is make a list of the features you use the most and cannot live without. Search google for photoshop alternatives and get some free trials. Try out sample tasks that use the features you need in each program. That should give you a good idea of which program is the best fit for you. 

A lot of this is personal preference and you may like things that I don’t. I’ve got about 20 years of Photoshop under my belt, so I think I’m probably stuck with it. But you might be able to free yourself from Adobe’s clutches and I wish you the best with that. 

[fatghostboi]

Day 1: uhh so my scales are fucked I think but cw: 143.4 (I think it's mainly water weight lmao) and I wanna be 100lbs maybe 90lbs

Day 2: 5'3, I would wanna be a bit taller maybe at least 5'5 or 5'6 hhh

Day 3:

I want their legs. My legs have always been so big and I'm jealous. I don't want my legs to look femme fuck.

Day 4: the clothes I do like on me won't fit, or I'll have more curves. I know ill look more curvy, but I can hide that more I think. Or I'll just gain it all again fuck

Day 5: I want to lose weight to be good enough, for people to look at me and think I finally look good or even that maybe I did have a problem when they all turned me down. To look masculine enough and to have masculine features. To finally be good looking rather than the fat trans friend who looks too femme because of their fucking baby face with chub.

Day 6: I do and it's usually because I'm in a destructive headspace. I try not to often but yeah I do.

Day 7: no they don't. Mums never noticed, and the one time she did she took me to the doctors for depression thinking nothing of the food, then goes ahead and tells me I'm not depressed that I just get down sometimes when all the signs are there lmao.

Day 8: walk. My disabled ass cannot really work out and really shouldn't walk as much as i do when I do but my Ed can't help it, I love seeing the numbers on my watch go up and up.

Day 9: yes all the time. As a kid I was obese and overweight and I used to get called so many things. One thing that stuck with me was obese monkey. Good Times. Oh and the fact my ex said I run over my dog with my tree trunk legs... Ya know a few days after my dog just got killed but sure.

Day 10: probably my social life. I've lost my social life due to physical and mental illness. Everyone wants to go out and eat and I just don't want to. But also cooking. I miss cooking good meals rather than looking at meals as just calories I shouldn't consume.

Day 11: I don't have a favourite oops they're more on Instagram

Day 12: egg, egg whites, rice, toast, wheetabix, porridge, veggie sausages, chicken nuggets sometimes, a shit ton of veg like the amount of brocoli I consume lmao. Snacks wise sometimes the odd biscuit, usually carrots, houmous or just nothing.

Day 13: mainly unhealthy but sometimed I try to do it healthily and get no results so I get pissed.

Day 14: 100-90 lbs and I honestly don't know. I've failed so far but I fucking want to so bad. My first big goal is getting down to 120lbs so

Day 15: I'm not but I try to be. I would definitely consider being vegetarian as going vegan would probably affect my chronic illness worse due to the lack of vitamins I would get. I'm very picky with food but I do love to eat vegan food when i can.

Day 16: I was about like 10 lmao

Day 17: I mean not diagnosed but probably lmao

Day 18: chocolate and noodles. I can't help myself i still eat them. The noodles I have are 269 cals per a packet and that's why I eat those ones gah

Day 19: about an hour ago? I had 2 biscuits with my coffee so I didn't binge today lmao

Day 20: AIT starts off easy, gets harder down the line. Never completed the whole thing but I have lost loads of weight from it before. Except this time? Idk like my body shows I have but scales say nah

Day 21: ew. So naturally I have very big hips, that's not fat that's bone sadly, so in men's jeans I'm a 30waist in females I'm a size 10. Mens tops I'm a M if I want it baggy or it's a tight fit cause S makes me feel gross in tight fit. But if I want it to look decent I'm a S and I would fit into an XS if my shoulders weren't so broad but I'm not complaining on that lmao

Day 22: 122lbs. I gained this time around because of the medication I was put on, I really want to be off it because I also don't wanna get pregnant. But it's also causing issues so I may be put on a different one soon I hope

Day 23: yes and no. All the trans guys that pass are usually very skinny so I thought I need to be to pass

Day 24: ugh. I can understand if someone is pro Ana to themseleves because uh that's an eating disorder lmao, but if you want to encourage others to starve themselves and be unhealthy? You're fucked up.

Day 25: I have a lot. I can't remember my first experience because it was so long ago but I have the odd memories of purging in fast food places after I was taken out to eat.

Day 26: being good enough and passing

Day 27: I'm okay being around it cause I usually have good self control, I like baking a lot too, and I'll usually eat one or two then leave it.

28: yess. So hoodies will look great on me

29: everything's beautiful on everyone else except for on me so.

30: I'm 17, trans, and a wreck. Also my stats are the same cause I did this in one day lmao

[choisgirls]

Boi, hi, I've been waiting for this. Could I request the RFA boys (+ V & Searan)'s reactions to finding out MC is a Victoria's Secret model and finding out by MC dragging them to a show before disappearing leaving them sitting alone for awhile before they walk out and yeah (I'm so sorry this is so long and I totally get if you don't want to write this. Have a great day!)

A/N: b o i you sentthis in literally *right* after I opened requests and I giGGLED SO HARD AT YOURENTHUSIASM it really made my day, so i hope you like this ~Admin 404

ALSO Y'ALL, IT’S YA GIRLS BIRTHDAY TODAY (june 20) SO IF YA NEED ME I PROBABLY WON’T BE BACK UNTIL LATER TODAY,HAVE FUN, BEHAVE, I LOVE YOU

*YOOSUNG:

               -He was already red as hell andnervously sweating when you just mentioned taking him to the show

               -“Isn’t Victoria Secretthat one… you know… sexy clothing store?”

               - yes, yes it is

               -The whole way there, he’smuttering to himself

               -Honestly trying to hold backtears because he feels so awkward

               -Wants to look at you and onlyyou!! He doesn’t want you to feel bad about him looking at other partiallynaked women

               - WHAT IF HE GETS A BONER MCHE CANT HELP IT AND IT’LL BE PUBLIC WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU BRING HIM HERE

               -Holds onto your wrist when youtry to leave him there alone and you have to drag him a little bit beforetelling him that he’d be fine and you’d be back in just a little bit

               -He tries to fold himself up asmuch as possible to hide himself from the people giving him weird looks

               - it didn’t help

               -When the show started, a smallshriek rose up from the back of his throat and he covered his eyes with hishands, though he peeked through his fingers because his curiosity got the bestof him

               -But the first person he saw wasyou? And you were in some absolutely gorgeous,lacey, and very short nightgowns? Where are your pants? Are you in jUSTUNDERWEAR? ARE THOSE WINGS??

               -The poor boy has a full blownnose bleed. His face is as red as Saeyoung’s hair. He’s stuttering andmuttering to himself because he has absolutely no (comprehensive) words

               -He struggles to look you in theeye after the show! Kept trying for a solid hour to compliment you but thewords kept getting stuck on his tongue.

               -That night he held you cautiously,but still close enough to feel his heart race

               -Like, wow, he’s dating a mODEL!He knew you were beautiful inside and out but it’s just amAZING! He would havenever expected it

*ZEN:

               -“Why are we going to afashion show?”

               -“I’m beautiful, I shouldbe one of the models!”

               - thanks for being modest zen

               -You didn’t tell him what kindof fashion show, but he agreed to go anyway

               -Famous people are always seenat these things, he feels like he fits in!

               -He was so ready to complimentthe hell out of you to make sure you know he’s got all eyes for you

               -But when he turned back to you,you were gone?

               -P A N I C

               -Before he could look around foryou though, the show started

               -And the people behind him weregrumbling about him being in their way so he sat down and silently hoped thatmaybe you just excused yourself to the restroom

               -But as the show started, hewatched as multiple models walked out in different sorts of lingerie

               -He felt so AWKWARD! He justwanted you to come back so he could focus on you instead of these other wome-

               -There was one model thatcaptured his eye and he thought she was just absolutely breathtaking. Just bythe curve of your face, let alone your hips, he knew it was you

               -He couldn’t help himself, hecheered for you like it was a football game people had to pull him down tohis seat

               -He practically lifted you intothe air and spun you around afterwards, showering you in more compliments thanusual (which is a lot). Reminded you constantly throughout the rest of thenight how proud he was of you!

               -Also had to use all of hiswillpower to fight the inner beast the rest of the night

*JAEHEE:

               -She’s always wanted to attendfashion shows, but has always been way too busy

               -Not to mention she didn’t evenget to go to any for work reasons damn jumin

               -So she was extremely excited tohear that you were going to bring her to one!

               -She likes any and allinformation about where the two of you go so she was very shaken by the factthat you wouldn’t tell her what kind of show this was

               -What if it was a super fancyfashion show and she wasn’t presentable? What if it was super casual and she’stoo dressed up? WHAT IF IT WAS SECRETLY A STRIP CLUB AND YOU DIDN’T TELL HER

               -She was trying to get you togive her hints about what kind of show this was

               -Actually got frustrated whenyou didn’t give her any sort of hint

               - acts like a child andpouts, completely ignoring you

               -Simply nods her head inacknowledgement when you excuse yourself

               -The music started to play notlong after that and she started to get really giggly and excited! But there wasno sign of you?

               -She figured she would justrecord the show until you made it back, so you could watch it later on when youwere home!

               -The moment she got her phoneready, she hit record and looked down at the lit up screen

               -But when she did look, all shesaw was you? Walking down the catwalk? In some very revealing lingerie?

               -Had to do a double-take fromthe screen and up at the stage to make sure it was truly you

               -And holy shit??? Like, you gogirl?? 10/10 she was so excited to see you up there, strutting your stuff!

               -Any outfit you had modeled, sheplanned on buying matching outfits for the two of you as soon as possible

*JUMIN:

               -He’s tried to avoid any type ofshow at all costs

               -It’s just not his type ofscene, you know?

               -Watching all these women strutaround in ridiculous outfits, acting high and mighty, wanting nothing butattention (so he thought)

               -He just wanted to take this dayoff, sit at home with his precious girls (you and Elizabeth, obviously), andrelax

               -Instead, you had begged him tocome to this show, which you wouldn’t even tell him the theme of

               -And of course he agreed, you’rehis beloved and he wanted to do anything he could to make you happy

               -If that meant he had to watchthis agonizing show, then he would

               - he only wished he couldhave his wine as well

               - honestly thought aboutsneaking in a flask because he hated these things that much

               -Whined like a child when youtold him to stay put because you’d be right back

               -“But MC! I dislike thesethings, you can’t truly expect me to stay here alone, can you?”

               -You left anyway, and found yourway to the stage, only to walk out and see Mr. Trustfund Kid’s jaw clench- hiswhole body moving forward to the edge of his seat, a hand covering his mouthand his eyebrows knitted together

               -He was pleasantly surprised tosee you walk out in some gorgeous lingerie

               -But he was also immediatelyjealous of every other pair of eyes that set on you and your body

               -He swore to himself that you’llknow for sure that you’re his and only his later that night

               -Not to mention that every setof lingerie featured in the show would soon be in your closet for a private,up-close showing for him and only him

*SAEYOUNG:

               -He doesn’t get out much

               -But if you wanna go somewhere,then he! Is! Going! Somewhere!

               -Whatever you want to do, hewill do it for you!

               -You want to go to some sort offashion show?

               -He probably won’t enjoy it,since it’s not really something he’s into, but he will still go with you tomake you happy

               -Every fashion show he’s everseen had such ridiculous outfits

               -He’s hoping they’re just asterrible this time so he has something to make jokes about and keep himselfentertained

               -Lowkey threw a hissy fit whenyou told him you were leaving for a little bit

               -He was there for you! You can’tleave

               -“Fine if you won’t sit andstay then I’ll make fun of the outfits by myself”

               -When the music started he satforward, completely ready to slaughter the first outfit with insults

               -Except it was really cute. Andsexy. And oN YOU.

               -He literally fell out of hischair onto the floor, people had to help him get back up

               -Not before he turned as red ashis hair, though

               -From then on, every time youcame on stage, he would whoop and howl, causing you to almost lose your cool acouple of times

               - ends up surprising youweeks later wearing that same lingerie for you, wink wonk

*V:

               -He’s been to many shows

               -Well okay he’s photographedmany shows

               -Never sat and enjoyed onehimself

               -But completely willing to gowith you! He enjoys the art of the fashion

               -Doesn’t even matter what kindof show, he is 500% ready and willing to go

               -Of course he has his cameratoo, but not to take pictures of the models!

               -He wanted to take pictures ofyour reactions, how the bright lights shine on your face, how you can see thepassion in your eyes

               -HE WAS SO EXCITED, AAAAAA

               -When the music started he wasworried about you missing the show

               -He didn’t want to photographthe sadness in your eyes!

               -But he looked up at the stageto see you, walking out from behind the curtain with upmost confidence

               -Shining bright, dripping insexiness, and giving off a “I’m a badass” vibe

               -And he. was. lOVING IT.

               -It made him so nervous to seehis precious angel like that but he knew he couldn’t miss the opportunity

               -So every time you came out inany outfit, he was sure to take the most amazing photos of you, in an attemptto capture how much love he has for you in each one

               - wants a private photoshootbehind the scenes afterwards, wink wonk

*SAERAN:

               -You thought Saeyoung hatinggetting out of the house?

               -We all know Saeran is 10 timesworse

               -You are physically dragging himto this show because he’s so against it

               -“Why the fuck would I wantto watch people parading around the stage in stupid outfits”

               -Because?? Just go with meanyway??

               -He’s holding onto your arm,letting his feet drag against the floor when you try to leave him in the crowdalone

               -“Saeran I need to go dosomething!” “Oh no, you are NOT leaving me alone with ALL THESEPEOPLE”

               -You did leave him alone though,and he is LIVID.

               -He planned on not talking toyou for the remainder of the night because of it. Maybe he’d keep up the silenttreatment until tomorrow. Who knows?

               -The loud music started to playand he already hated everything about this

               -He watched as a few womenwalked out on stage, each in a progressively more revealing outfit

               -Until his arms unfolded when hesaw you in this sexy bra and panties set

               -Matching them to the largewings hanging behind you

               -Immediately snapping photos onhis phone for later blackmail

               - and also using them asresearch references to get those outfits for later

               - practically pounces youbehind the stage, attacking your whole body in kisses

Masterlist