#Idk if I'll ever do an entire video in one day again

[reblogging4thewin]

rendering

[wandussyfantasy]

request for a natasha x gp reader fic

where they’re high school sweethearts and natasha has always babied reader or whatever (it’s be cool to have some moments from high school)

cut to powerbottom/mommy natasha having soft sex w reader, lot of caressing, sweet talk, forehead touches, and praising from both sides

idk i have mommy issues and i wanna be babied by a girl in the future 😍

This Love is Ours

Summary: A glimpse of the life that high school sweethearts Natasha Romanoff and Reader have lived together.

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 5.5k

WARNINGS:

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT READ & DO NOT INTERACT!!!

insecurity, smut, g!preader, powerbottom!Natasha, oral, praising, creampie, and fluff

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.

(Present)

“Babe,” Natasha whispers sweetly into your cheek as she rocks your shoulder. “Baby,” she calls again and you groan. “Come on, it's time to get up. You can't be late for work,” she says. Your eyes open and you flash her a tired smile. 

“Five more minutes,” you negotiate. 

Natasha shakes her head, “No, I'm sorry sweetie. When school is out, you can sleep in all you want. But for now, you need to set a good example for those kids.” 

You sigh deeply because she is right. If the teacher isn't ready for class then how are the students supposed to be? “Okay, okay,” you say, sitting up. “I’m awake,” Natasha rewards you with a soft kiss. 

“Go shower and brush your teeth. I'll go get your breakfast ready. I'm not sending you with lunch today, by the way,” she says as she gets out of the bed herself and pulls on a black silk robe. 

“Oh? Why not?” You frown. You love the lunches that she packs for you. 

“Well, I thought I'd come have lunch with you,” she smiles and you can't help but feel so lucky to have her in your life.

“That sounds fantastic,” you say as you undress. “Some of the teachers will be happy to see you. They're always asking how you are and when they'll get to see you again,” you tell her. 

“That sounds like a plan, love.” Natasha blows you a kiss before rushing off to make breakfast. You hop in the shower and take care of your morning routine so that you are dressed and ready at the kitchen table when Natasha is serving the both of you. 

(Past)

You look across the classroom at the girl with dyed hair and dark clothing. She was possibly the most beautiful girl you've ever laid eyes on. Definitely the most beautiful in the entire school. Guys and girls were always tripping over themselves to get her attention. You are somewhere in-between. A freak. You doubted that she'd ever look your way. That she could ever want someone like you. 

“Y/n Y/l/n and Natasha Romanoff, the two of you will be working together,” the English teacher states. You had completely zoned out, forgetting where you were. You look down at the information sheet that had been passed out about the project. It was comparing movies and the books they're based on. When you look back up, the most beautiful girl in school is staring at you. She waves with a confident smile. You wave back with a nervous one and anxiously wait for the teacher to dismiss the class to discuss with their partners. 

Natasha meets you halfway and the two of you stare at the sheet that had the list of approved books to choose from. Looking for anything that jumps out at you. “How about The Boy In The Striped Pajamas?” She asks. 

You look at the title you had just underlined and smile at her. “I was just about to suggest that,” you shyly reply.

“Good, that's settled then,” she says as she underlines it as well. “Now we just need to plan how we're going to meet up to work on the project.”

“I work at the video store after school,” you say. “We can watch the movie there for free and take notes. It's pretty empty most days.”

“Okay, that's good. I'll check out the book at the library and we can read it together too,” Natasha says. “Except on game days,” she says a little disheartened as you ask why. “My boyfriend, Bucky. He's on the basketball team and even though I quit cheer, he still wants me there to support him.”

“You quit cheer?” you hadn't heard that news from the grapevine. That's something that everyone would be talking about. 

“Yeah, it was too time consuming. And stressful. It was causing my grades to slip and I want to get into a good school,” she explains. 

“Good for you for knowing your limits,” you commend her. 

“Thank you,” she says gratefully. “Not many people see it my way. Especially not Bucky.”

“I’m sorry,” you give a sympathetic frown. Natasha shakes her head and moves on from the subject.

(Present)

The bell goes off as you are finishing your review of what will be on Friday's exam. “Alright, class dismissed. I don't want anyone to be late for lunch,” you shoo them out the door. They file out as Natasha squeezes by them with lunch bags in her hands. “Oh it's so crazy to see you in this classroom again.”

“Me? I'm still not used to seeing you as a teacher. Especially not here,” she says as she picks the lab table that the two of you sat at together in your senior year that the two of you were partners for. 

“Yeah, I'm not sure I'm ever going to be used to it either. But, it's what I have until I get a better job opportunity,” you say as you sit across from her. “Did you ever think you'd be back here?”

Natasha shakes her head as she sets out the spread of food. “Nope, I thought if I ever came back here, it was either for a ten year class reunion. Or it was years away when we had to come in for parent teacher conferences for our kid.” 

You smile at the thought, “So we have a kid now?” 

“Maybe one day,” she takes a bite of a chip with a grin. “I mean, we haven't exactly been careful after our wedding.” 

You shake your head, “Not here. Students come in here a lot for extra studying time.”

Natasha laughs, “Still such a good girl in school I see.” 

You roll your eyes, “Well, unlike you, people can see the effects you have on me.” You allude to the extra body part between your legs. “The last thing I need is for the whole school to find out I'm a freak of nature.” 

Natasha sighs, “I understand what you're afraid of. But I really wish you'd stop thinking that way. You're not a freak of nature, please stop saying that about yourself.”

You nod as you chew your food. “Okay,” you swallow, “I’ll try to stop saying it.” 

“Thank you,” she leans over the table and kisses your cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you grin. 

(Past)

You are sitting with your friends, Peter, Ned, and MJ discussing the next out of town decathlon location when someone else joins the lunch table, scooting in next to you. “Do you guys mind if I sit here?” Natasha asks after she's invaded the space. 

Ned loses his words as he tries to answer. Peter and MJ are wide eyed as they look at you, who isn't as nervous as they thought you would be. “Uh, sure. It's no problem,” you smile. While working on the project, Natasha had confided in you about changes she is making for herself. That she hadn't liked the path she was on. It didn't feel like her anymore. Which hurt her friends and made it hard on them and her. They were all focused on things she now loathed. It didn't mean she loved being their friend any less. It just made it harder to spend time with any of them because they were all doing the same things together that she couldn't be part of anymore. 

Earlier this week, she ended things with Bucky for good which made things awkward at the lunch table. Her friends are his friends too. They weren't sure how to act around her because she seemed fine with the break up whereas he was a complete mess. He broke down in tears at any reminder of Natasha. And they found it to be cold of her that she didn't shed a single one when they were telling her a funny story that involved her ex. They panicked when they mentioned his name, she didn't bat an eye and waited for them to finish. 

It led to a confrontational conversation that made her realize, as she was going through her self discovery journey, she was hurting them in the process. So she decided to distance herself from them until they could understand what she was going through. 

The separation made her realize how out of touch she was with the world outside of her friend group. She had virtually no one. Until she realized that she had you. “How has your day been so far,” she asks you, sincerely. 

“Not too good,” you frown as you recall the start of your day was soured by Bucky Barnes slapping your books out of your hands. “But I think things are going to start looking up from here,” you boldly wink at Natasha and she blushes. “How about your day?”

“It’s getting better,” she fills her utensil with food from her tray and smiles. 

“So what brings you down to our level, Nat?” MJ asks, ignoring the glare you give her. 

“I don't believe you guys are lesser than anyone else,” she corrects the self-deprecating jab. “But what brings me to the table today is that I finally started living my own life and Y/n seems to be the only person in this world willing to support me,” Natasha elaborates. 

You shrug, “You deserve to march to the beat of your own drum.”

“You’re too kind, Y/n,” she says. 

“I’m only stating the truth,” the nonchalant act humors your friends who try to hide their laughter behind their hands but don't do a very good job. You choose to ignore them. 

(Present)

You walk through the door to the aroma of one of Natasha's best dishes. When she got laid off from her dream job, she hadn't a clue what to do with herself. Until the two of you started cooking together and eventually she began to try out new recipes on her own. Now she is running a successful social media platform on being a housewife. She was taking the best care of you possible and although she works from home, she is the breadwinner of the two of you. 

“Something smells amazing,” you say as you walk into the dining area where she is putting the finishing touches on her setup. You stand in the walkway and lean against the wall as you admire her. She dusts her hands off on the skirt of her dress and smiles up at you with a question as to why you're staring. “I’m just trying to figure out how I got so lucky,” you answer, a little lost in a haze. 

Her cheeks brighten to a rosy pink as she gestures to the chair in front of you. “Well, come on, we don't want the food to get cold.” She slides into her seat. 

“Okay,” you join her at the table and the two of you dig in. She asks how the rest of your day went and you ask her the same. “Oh! A few of the students that saw you on your way out recognized you from your videos! They couldn't believe that you're my wife,” you say with a laugh. 

Natasha is amused as well, “Oh yeah? What’d you say to them?”

You reach across the table to hold her hand and rub your thumb along her knuckles. “That most days I don't believe it either,”  you wink at her and she blushes again. 

“I swear, you make me feel like a giddy teenager trying to hide her crush on you every time,” Natasha raises your joined hands to her lips. “I’m just as lucky to have found you, you know?” You shake your head and put your utensil down to hold her hand in both of your hands. 

“It’s funny that you mention hiding a crush. Did you ever know that I was crushing hard on you back then?” You ask. 

This makes your wife burst out in laughter for a moment while you ask what's so funny with a growing laugh. “Nothing, nothing, it's just,” Natasha catches her breath. “We’ve been together for almost ten years and you've never asked me this before. But yes, baby, I knew. Well before we worked on that project together actually.” 

Now you're blushing, “Oh gosh,” you groan as you drop her hand to cover your face. “And to think I'd feel less embarrassed if I waited ten years to ask you.” Natasha scoots out of her chair to join your side. 

“Aw baby, don't be embarrassed. I was very flattered by it back then,” she tries to comfort you. 

You cringe at the memories and feel a little guilty. Natasha’s delicate touch gets you to stop hiding your face and you frown. “Did you ever think I was only supporting you during your tough time because I might have a chance with you? Because I swear, that was not the case.” 

She combs her fingers through your hair to comfort you as she shakes her head. “No, of course not. In fact, you being a friend to me without making a move is what made me fall for you.” You listen to her with the same intent you always have and her heart swells. People often stopped paying attention to her words because they would get lost in a fantasy about her. She only knew because they would lick or bite their lips as she rattled on about something. Some guys even pitched a tent in their jeans. “See, Y/n, other people tried to reach me during that time in my life. But all I ever was to them was an object. They wanted to sleep with me for bragging rights or be able to flaunt a relationship with me around. You just wanted me to be happy and feel comfortable in my own skin.” She kisses your cheek, “That made me fall for you then and every time you stand by me during some crazy life transition, I fall for you all over again.”

You kiss her on the lips now, she reciprocates it with a deeper intention. “I think I'm ready for my dessert now,” you say as you catch her lips again in another kiss. 

“I didn't make any,” she says. 

“Good, because I'm not talking about food,” you say as you stand up and sweep her in your arms. You take her to the bedroom and gently lay her in the bed as you fall on top of her. “I love you so much,” you say as you caress her cheek and gaze lovingly into her eyes. 

Natasha pushes on your shoulders and you move off of her. “Undress,” she tells you as she works to get out of her dress and you do as she says. Once the two of you are lying on the bed naked, you gravitate towards each other as you always have. You lay on top of her again and take a moment to appreciate her soft, smooth skin against hers. She dances her fingers along your back and you glide yours down her arm. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers. You accept her words and swallow the rebuttal you want to say. You don't need to guard against her compliments. She means them wholeheartedly. 

You kiss her slowly this time and her hands flatten against your back. She spreads and closes her fingers around your skin in soothing circles as she deepens the kiss, keeping the slow pace. As you move the tips of your fingers down her torso, you leave a trail of goosebumps. She shudders under your touch. “I miss your lips when they're not on mine,” you whisper. “I love the sounds you make,” your pointer finger dips between her vulva and her thigh, “When I make you feel good.” She lets out a soft noise as you touch her there. 

“You know just what I like,” she says as she presses her lips to your cheek. “I love how patient you are,” she says as she kisses behind your ear. Her hands make their way to your bottom, she squeezes. “I also love your ass,” this comment makes the two of you laugh a little. “What? It’s a good ass,” she squeezes you again. 

“I love how silly you are,” you grin at her as you enter her with two fingers. Her breath hitches at the sudden intrusion. “I love how you keep me on my toes.” You slowly pump your fingers in and out of her and she squirms from your movements. “You’re constantly changing and growing and you continue to let me be a part of it. I appreciate that so much, my love.” You kiss her collarbone. Then trail kisses up her neck and back down to her collarbone. Her body reacts to every little movement. Encouraging you to do more. 

When your trail of kisses reaches her collarbone again, you don't kiss back up. This time you continue down. You take her supple breast into your mouth and curl your fingers inside of Natasha just the way she likes. Her hands shoot up your back and find their way into your hair. She combs her fingers through your hair as you pay attention to each breast. Licking circles around her nipples. Sucking on as much of her breast as you can fit in your mouth. All while playing with her sensitive clitoris and slowly using your fingers inside of her. 

Your cock hardens against her thigh and she wants so desperately to have some of the attention on you. “Baby,” she calls as softly as she had in the morning. Her breast falls out of your mouth with a pop as you look up. “It's your turn now,” she says and you nod, pulling your fingers out of her. You were a little disappointed that you didn't get to make it all of the way down her body, but you knew that you would get your chance with your mouth between her legs eventually. 

Natasha sits up and gently guides you so that you're laying down on the bed. She lays on top of you and starts by placing two sweet kisses on your chest. One on each breast. She then kisses down your torso until she reaches your penis. “You’re so beautiful,” she says as she makes eye contact with you. Knowing how insecure this body part makes you. Natasha takes you into her hand and kisses the head of your penis. Then she kisses down the base of your cock. With the tip of her tongue, she makes her way back up to the top and has you enter her mouth. Her warm, wet, soft lips have you moaning at the contact. Nothing compares to the way she sucks you off. 

Over the years, the two of you have been asked if things ever get boring between the two of you in bed. It's been asked by short-lived couples that aren't sexually or emotionally compatible with their partners. The two of you weren't ever offended by the extremely personal question, you always had the option not to answer. And as the two of you have only ever been sexual with each other it was a natural curiosity. It was an easy no, neither of you get bored in bed with each other. It's not everything to the relationship that the two of you have. Which is what has made the relationship as strong as it is. And whenever either of you have a sexual curiosity, the both of you are open to exploring it together. But for the most part, neither of you needed any of those. 

Simple nights like these, where you take time to love each other are the best nights. Natasha takes her time with sucking your cock and you enjoy spending as much time as possible with your tongue in her pussy. Then, when the two of you are connected, it's not about rushing to the finish line. It is all about listening to each other's bodies and acting on what they are telling you. Not being selfish and only taking, but giving so much back that you both end the night overly satisfied. 

When Natasha is done licking and sucking on your cock, she kisses her way back up your body. Once she reaches your lips, she traps you in a deep kiss that has both of you humming in delight. “Sit up,” she says and you do. You lean your back against the headboard and wait for what she's going to do. Natasha climbs onto your lap and puts both of your hands on her bottom. 

You grin as you give the cheeks a firm squeeze. “Talk about a nice ass,” you compliment, making her blush. “You have an amazing one too, my love.” Your playful mood quickly leaves as she rolls her hips against you. The soaking warm lips of her pussy cover your penis causing you to groan. Oh how you love feeling her against you. 

“I love how easily I can make you fall apart,” she says as she continues to roll her hips. You respond by kissing her cheek. Natasha dances her fingers lightly up your arms. Across your shoulders and down your back as she moves her body against yours. Matching her rhythm, you roll your hips with hers. You keep your hands on her ass because that's where she wants them as you wait for the go ahead to enter her. The two of you kiss again, your tongues sliding against each other. Natasha pulls away and holds your face with one hand. You lean into her touch as you maintain eye contact. “Enter me,” she whispers. Not breaking eye contact, you lift her up and aim your cock at her hole with your hands. 

Slowly, you lower her onto your cock. Her tight walls grip at you as you enter her, inch by inch. She breaks the contact as she moves her gaze to your thick cock stretching her. “I love you,” you whisper as you kiss her forehead. “You are so amazing,” you guide her further on. “You are the most wonderful woman I know,” you state once you're all the way inside.

Natasha sits for a moment, enjoying the full feeling she gets when you're inside of her. “I love you too,” she says as she adjusts her grip on your shoulders. “You and I were made for each other,” she starts to move on your cock and you drop your head back, allowing her full access to your neck. 

(Past)

You and Natasha have been dating for well over two years. She has met your parents and they love her. You have met her family and they welcomed you with open arms. Everything fell into place smoothly. Although the first time you met them, her father made a rather crude joke about liking that his daughter is with a girl because now he doesn't have to worry about her getting pregnant. It had hit you that you had been lying to your girlfriend. You laughed awkwardly, feeling a bit guilty because you still haven't revealed your penis to your girlfriend. However, without even knowing, she didn't find the joke very funny and she shut her father down for the “gross” comment. 

It has been an easy couple of years hiding this piece of you. The two of you were more focused on connecting on a deep emotional level than you were on the sexual side. She liked talking to you and how you listened. She liked being there to support you as much as you support her. She really loved being held by you more than anything when watching movies and shows together. There was something special about the relationship she had with you, the sweet kisses every now and then, the flirty comments that made her blush, the romantic dates that you and she arranged for each other. The way the two of you were able to hang out with friends either separate or together without feeling anxious. She trusted you more than anything and you felt the same way about her. 

That being said, the two of you, though eighteen, are hormonal teenagers. As the two of you have grown closer, tension has begun to build. Natasha’s friends have all bragged about losing their virginities and even told the truth about how it was quite disappointing and not at all what they expected. She even had to console a couple of them after they were dumped because that’s all the other person wanted from them. If she were with anyone else, she might have been afraid to take that extra step. But she wasn’t with just anyone in her eyes. She was with the best person ever. She was with you. Natasha had no doubt in her mind that this step would only bring the two of you closer and she wanted to feel that closeness with you. 

You were terrified that she would hate you when she found out. At the start of your relationship you thought that maybe you should disclose this information before things went too far. But every time you tried to start the conversation a voice in your head would convince you that maybe the two of you wouldn’t be together forever. So, what was the harm in having as much time with her as you could? Now, as she gets a little more aggressive in make-out sessions you begin to fear that you can’t hide your secret anymore. And you aren’t sure what will happen when she finds out. As much as you know she loves you. 

Then Natasha brought up the subject one night. It was during your graduation vacation that the two of you had saved up for. Both your parents and her’s helped you cover any extra costs and your parents even allowed you private access to their lake house for the two weeks the two of you wanted to use it. She was thinking about this subject for months as every little thing you did turned her on. She thought about approaching the subject before prom but then she thought about how cliche it would be to lose her virginity on prom night and it lost its appeal. 

She was going to push the subject away until some time in college. To see how long the two of you could last without that element in the relationship. Besides, if this was something that was relationship ending, she didn’t want it to happen before the two of you had to be roommates for a year. The two of you tried to listen to everyone and not plan a future around each other so you applied to schools separately. Not letting the other know where. 

It just happened to be fate when the pair of you were offered full scholarships to the same school. Then came the dorming issue. Should you two live together? Are you ready for that step? Then with further research it was a requirement that freshmen spent the first year in a suite of four. You and Natasha applied to share the suite with two friends that were also going to be attending the school. They weren’t sure at first if they wanted to share the suite with the couple but Wanda and Carol thought they were better off with them. 

Natasha couldn’t be more ecstatic about living together. And after spending the past couple of nights with you, she could see this life being forever with you. 

“How do you feel about that?” Natasha asks again, snapping you back to reality. 

“I am scared,” you say with vulnerability causing a waiver in your voice. 

Natasha scoots closer to you on the couch with worry in her eyes as tears fill yours. “Why are you scared, baby? You know that I love you with all of my heart.” She tries to comfort you. 

You take a breath as you avoid looking at her, “Because, I’m a freak.” 

“No, baby, you’re not a freak. Why would you say that?” She tries to get you to look in her direction but you refuse. 

“I’ve been keeping something from you,” your voice cracks as you finally face her. “I haven’t been completely honest with you about me.” 

She pulls away from you. Now Natasha is fearful of what you might say. She wasn’t ready to lose you and this wasn’t the way she wanted it to go. Especially not on such a great trip. “What have you been hiding?” She carefully asks. Not certain if she wants her world to come crashing around her just yet, but is hopeful that whatever it is won’t be as negative as you’re making it out to be. 

You take a breath and clench your jaw as you muster up the courage to say, “I have a penis.” 

“I’m sorry?” Natasha wasn’t sure if she heard you correctly. She thought you were going to say that you have cheated on her or worse, that you fell out of love with her. 

“I have a penis,” you repeat with shame. 

Natasha is confused now, “But you’re a girl? Or are you transgender?” The two of you have been in the same classes since elementary school. It would have been big news if someone was transgender in their school. Hell, the two of you have had periods at the same time. 

You shake your head and swallow thickly, “No, I have a penis and I have a vagina. I was born this way.” 

As Natasha processes she begins to relax. “Oh,” she says, “Okay.” 

Your face contorts in confusion now. “That’s all you have to say?”

Natasha shakes her head and takes your hand in hers, “No, that’s not all. I’m sorry.” She clears her throat as she thinks of what to say. “My love for you isn’t lost because of this. I’m sorry that I haven’t made you feel comfortable enough to tell me about this sooner but I don’t see this as being a problem for us. I love you for you, Y/n. That includes your heart, mind, and body in all its unique beauty.” 

Tears fall from your eyes freely, “You are the most amazing person in the world. What did I do to deserve you?” The two of you share a sweet kiss and after a romantic meal, that night, the two of you learn what it means to unite as one. 

(Present)

Natasha is riding you as you lose all thought that isn’t just her and the way her body feels connected to you. “Oh baby,” she pants out as your thrusts get a little hurried as you get closer to your climax. “Are you ready?” She asks and you nod mindlessly. “Okay,” she says as she picks up her pace a little bit. She wasn’t as close but she didn’t mind helping you reach your orgasm. Natasha knew you wouldn’t let her end the night without helping her with hers. She pulls your head to her chest and she tangles her fingers in your hair as she coaxes you to finish. “Cum inside me, baby,” she whispers. “It’s okay,” she kisses your temple, “let go, let go.” 

You let out a few soft moans against her neck as your thrusts come to a stop as you empty inside of your wife. Filling her with your cum. Natasha strokes your hair as she kisses your forehead and cheek, telling you how good you have done. Once you have caught your breath and can feel your body again. You pull her off of your softening cock. Your cum slowly slips its way out of her entrance and falls onto you. “Lay down my love, let me take care of you.” 

Natasha nods and you make room for her to lay next to you. Once she is comfortable you kiss a path down her body until your head is between her legs. You clean up the mess your semen had made until all that’s left on her skin is streaks of your saliva. “Right there,” she says as your nose presses into her clitoris and your tongue is in her folds. “Ohh, that’s it,” she says as you press further into her. Moving your tongue in her the way that you have learned makes her react the most. Her thighs tighten around your head as you work harder on her mound. She begins rocking her hips which moves your head along with her. When your lungs begin to beg for air, you lift your head and substitute your fingers for your mouth. You kiss the skin surrounding you as you rub her clitoris and when you return your mouth to her pussy you are rewarded with her orgasm. 

You keep your mouth on her until she relaxes and loses her grip on your head completely. You make your way back up to her body with lazy kisses as you are as spent as she is. You fall beside her, placing one final kiss on her shoulder. “I love you, forever,” you tell her as your arm drapes across her. 

She gives a tired smile as her tired eyes droop shut. “I love you too,” she kisses your nose, “forever.” 

The End.

[desire-mona]

randomly assigning house md characters internet moments / videos / memories / whatever i remember based off nothing at all (i did i dps version too) (also links for everything i talk about will be provided) (also also this isnt made to make fun of anyone involved in any of this)

house - mr beast and his OLD OLD youtube videos, like circa 2015? i think? he used to make cringe compilations essentially where he just made fun of kids' youtube intros. face and all like nothing was blurred for privacy, and then he'd call them cringe and make drinking bleach jokes. like a LOT. i binge watched those back in like 4th grade i think? maybe 5th? so thats kinda all i associate him with now. he also made videos where he would say a word like a thousand times, sometimes WAY more (like 100k+). or like. count to that number, he did both. anyway rip house you wouldve loved making fun of kids' youtube videos

wilson - does anyone remember the evian baby commercials? i think the whole shtick was like "this water makes you feel young again" I THINK? the one i linked was the one where the reflection on a building makes ppl babies, but theres one where babies are on roller skates or whatever too. this isnt entirely an internet moment as much as it is just a memory, cuz i remember my mom and my aunt DYING laughing at these commercials. idk what it was they were just in tears. theres something so 2007-2015 about dancing babies. wasnt a dancing baby the first internet meme? just googled it and yes it was.

cuddy - onision's shitty spoken word songs PLEASE tell me someone remembers them. onision really shouldve stopped trying to make music after the banana song bc the rest really suck shit. this is NOT based on vibes i gotta get that out there, i was like hmm cuddy has a kid. you know who else has a kid? YOU KNOW WHO LET THEIR KID FALL OUT OF A WINDOW? cuddy would fucking HATE onision. ALSO OH MY GOD PAUSE EVERYTHING ONISION JUST UPLOADED A SONG. I NEED TO MAKE A SEPERATE POST ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL. anyway dont watch it. i linked strange æon's video on his music just bc i really dont wanna direct u to anything of his directly. did u know i dont like onision?

foreman - the most insane youtube poop ive ever seen in all of my 19 years of living, i sent this to maddie specifically when i made my initial "like for a rando internet moment!" post but i really need to share it with the general public. general warning for youtube poop-ness; flash, loud noises, overwhelming, etc. i am actually begging you to watch this because it tops every other ytp ive ever seen, like actually blows it out of the water. i also has no idea ppl still made ytps after 2014 tbh.... btw this is probably the only ytp that i'll ever recommend LMAO

chase - OH MY GOD KYLERLOVESJESUS. so basically this one eboy influencer type on tiktok back in 2019 Found God and went on rants about how abortion is wrong and gay marriage is bad and blah blah blah. there was this moment on one of his lives where he went "i love gay people, i would be best friends with a gay person. do i support it? no." which was the FUNNIEST shit back in the day. i would quote it on the daily. btw the editing of the video i linked is VERY of the time so beware LMAO

cameron - cutie the kitten (sans' wife and gf) + the killing videos sans fan girls would make. i actually cant link anything bc the channel doesnt exist anymore but! basically back in 2016ish there was this one girl who had such a crush on sans and she had a whole ocxcanon situation with sans and her pink cat oc Cutie. a lot of ppl hated her + the ppl who had ocs shipped with sans but looking back its truly not a big deal. what is a big deal is that she (? maybe?) and other sans fangirls would make animated slideshow videos of their ocs using powers or whatever to kill other sans fangirls. like brutally. it was a wild time i wish cutie's channel was still up so i could prove thats a real thing, but ask an undertale fan from back then and odds are theyll know. heres a sans fangirl cringe compilation so you kinda know what im talking about, but fair warning it is a cringe compilation so. it wont be nice.

thirteen - TW INCEST!! this one hamilton animatic i saw back in forever ago to the song 'helpless'. usually animatics to that song use eliza and hamilton (im not a hamilton fan this is very surface lvl knowledge btw) but the one i saw was eliza and ANGELICA. like as in HER SISTER. big surprise someone in a big fandom ships incest wow I KNOW its tame compared to other shit, but it was i think my first exposure to anything like that circa 2017ish, so it kinda stuck in the brain. also the video i linked isnt the og its a phil collins mashup, the og got taken down. hamilton always makes an appearance in my house posts doesnt it, be lucky i didnt give kutner this one bc ppl were turn up abt hamilton fan kutner.

taub - WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT MIKE AND MELISSA ⁉️⁉️ basically mike and melissa is this animated passion project this guy made to show himself (or his persona? or maybe just some guy) falling in love with his fursona that comes to life. this was the only episode this guy uploaded and i think he kinda disappeared after. the plot is kinda hard to follow and its not TERRIBLY animated but its certainly not professional looking. there's a video about what happened to him uploaded like 5 months ago, but i havent watched it. when i first heard of mike n melissa i fully thought it was a mid 2000s family sitcom but it definitely Is Not That.

kutner - undertale sans au christmas party comic dub. i probably dont need to give an explanation as to what sans aus are but idk how many ex or current undertale fans follow me so i'll do it anyway. making au's for undertale was a pretty common practice back in its early days, and usually the most popular character in any undertale variation is sans. who sans is shipped with was always up in the air, so much like the onceler, ppl ended up shipping sans with other au versions of himself. this christmas party comic is in my mind the undertale fandom equivalent of camp weehawken. i think there was also a sans au comic where all the sans' except for like 2 were toddlers at daycare? i dont remember who the adult sans' were but also i think the creator got into hot water? dont remember why.

[miharuhebinata]

monthly game tag time!

this is going to be a veryyyyy long post, so buckle in

may

1. Hollow Knight

[played on ps4.]

thoughts: i know i literally just replayed hollow knight back in like, what, last august? but i had a strong urge to play it again and after the shitshow that was my life in march/april, i decided what the hell. i'm probably going to be doing a yearly replay anyway, though i won't hold myself to any kind of strict schedule in regards to that. i'll just play it when i feel like it and keep track of when and how it goes with these posts.

but anyway, on to my thoughts (yes, i still have thoughts on this game lmao): the game is definitely getting easier with every replay, which makes me very very happy. don't get me wrong, there are definitely still plenty of challenging bits (looking at you, trial of the conqueror. bane of my fucking existence -_-), but apparently i've managed to memorize a good chunk of the attack patterns for most of the boss fights. hornet and the mantis lords are the most obvious example of this, as i literally beat both on my first try. which was a tiny bit disappointing, just because those fights are so fun, but also extremely satisfying. literally had me feeling like a pro gamer LMAO

2. Princess Peach: Showtime! (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: i've been so excited for this game ever since i saw the first trailer, and the demo certainly didn't disappoint! the two levels you get to play, as swordfighter peach and patisserie peach, were very fun, and just everything from the level designs to the gameplay to, of course, the costumes are so cute. i definitely want to play the full game! ....unfortuanately i've heard the game is actually pretty short overall? supposedly it's around 6-8 hours of playtime, which honestly just seems absolutely ridiculous considering it costs fucking $60 for a game i could (theoretically) knock out in a day but hey, that's nintendo for you 🙃 so, yeah. not entirely sure when or even if i'll get to play the full game. which is a damn shame.

3. Agatha Christie - Murder on the Orient Express (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: seems like a fun game! although i will say, it was quite jarring to realize it takes place in the modern day. hercule poirot does not look like a character who should know what a smartphone is, i'm sorry 😂 but yeah, i'm definitely interested in playing more, although i'll probably wait for it to go on sale. i liked it but i don't need to play it right now or anything lol

4. NOX

[played on mobile.]

thoughts: a quick little better-than-average mobile puzzle game. tbh i enjoyed the first half more than the second half. by the end i was just like meh, but i guess i still recommend it if you're looking for a decent puzzle game on mobile

5. Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion

[played on mobile.]

thoughts: i've been wanting to play this for a while, and it did not disappoint! such a fun, silly little game. pretty much my only complaint is that i wish it was longer, but apparently now there's a sequel? so i guess i can always try that! :)

6. Blossom Tales: The Sleeping King (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: seemed fun but also the demo was extremely short so idk. i liked the obvious zelda inspiration, but it mainly just reminded me of chrono trigger. honestly i think i'd be more interested in replaying that than in playing this, but who knows. maybe someday!

7. OneShot

[played on pc.]

thoughts: I ABSOLUTELY ADORED THIS GAME!!!!!!!!! everything about it is so beautiful, from the story to the graphics to the soundtrack (which, if you know me at all, i'm a sucker for a good video game ost and this one DOES NOT DISAPPOINT 🥰). i don't want to say too much, because i really think everybody should play this one for themselves, but i will say it is EXTREMELY meta. which is not a spoiler, as you find this out very early on, but again, the less you know the better. so i'll just say this: make sure the name on your computer matches your real name! i believe the game *does* give you the option to input whatever name you want (i'm not 100% sure, but i think so), but i feel like the story will hit harder if you use your real name. plus, if you've changed your name recently but forgot to update the name on your account (like i had), this is at least a good reminder to do so :)

8. Ib

[played on pc.]

thoughts: while i played the remake, i can definitely see why this is a rpg maker horror classic! like honestly, idk what else there is to say about it that other people haven't said already? it's not super long and though it's not pants-shittingly terrifying or anything, it's got a very strong, creepy atmosphere to it. now that i think about it, it actually reminds me a lot of alice in wonderland.... which is such a huge plus to me, you guys don't even know :3 i especially adored the character design, particularly ib who reminds me of one of my oc's <3

9. A Short Hike

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: i want to live in this game <3 seriously, if you're looking for a nice chill game to play this one should be right up your alley! it's not long but i promise it is still so, so worth it. beautiful pixel graphics, lovely soundtrack, and a surprisingly poignant story....yeah i loved this one a lot. my one and only complaint is that the beachstick ball minigame can rot in hell LMAO

june

1. Moonlighter

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: idk about the pc version, but PLEASEEEEEE DO NOT BUY THIS GAME ON THE SWITCH. IT SUCKS ASS. for as enjoyable as the actual gameplay is (which honestly, was not even that fun after the first couple hours), the game is buggy as hell. especially when rolling. do NOT roll near walls, or you risk getting stuck inside them. which is especially annoying inside the dungeons, getting stuck inside a wall on some random floor long before you ever meant to have to leave.... pretty much ruined my whole experience. i could barely even bring myself to finish the game, but i forced myself to do it, because i had been meaning to finish this game for forever, and i just wanted to be DONE with it, and so i did, and i was so SO happy....aaaand then i discovered there was a whole new post-game storyline to play through in new game+. -_- at first i felt obligated to finish that before i could say i completed the game, but after playing a few hours, i just said fuck it. honestly the new game+ stuff wasn't even that bad, but i was just so ready to be done with it by that point. fuck this game. absolutely adorable graphics and a nice soundtrack, but buggy-as-hell gameplay and an anticlimactic story. completed ruined it for me. boo. boooooooo. such a disappointment.

2. Another Code: Recollection (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: seems like a very fun game, and i really do want to play the full version! …just not for full price. especially because, after playing the demo, i already had some gripes:

the controls are kind of wonky and by that i mean this just feels like a game that would be better played on pc (yet it's a Switch exclusive).

the (english) voice acting is… definitely not my favorite, to say the least. (that scene of ashley crying as a kid was so fucking annoying, and it went on for wayyyy too long.) ashley does not sound like a 14 year old. which ties into my next point:

okay so i actually FULLY admit this one is mostly on me, but i legit thought ashley was college-age until she explicitly mentioned being 14. like, obviously i understood in retrospect that the story literally said she was 14 long before that (i believe the letter from her father mentioned her 14th birthday?), but because i was pretty tired when i played and also because the character model does not look like a 14 year old girl aside from her being shorter than the adult characters, the voice does not sound like that of a 14 year old, AND she was wearing a university sweatshirt, i thought she was, like, 19-21 and that she for some reason had only recently received her dad's letter? IDK DUDE I'M A LITTLE BIT SLOW 😭

honestly this just kind of made me laugh but i did think it was a bit silly how ashley made a big deal of "yeah sorry D, but i can't help you get your memories back. i've got my own problems. sooooo... yeah, bye." then literally she walks down some stairs, he helps her open a door, and she's immediately like "okay i'll help you and also we're besties, obviously 🤗" like, i'm not saying the game has bad writing (i didn't get to play enough to truly make an accurate judgement) but that felt like the kind of contrived thing i would have written when i was in middle school ngl. but maybe that's the point, since ashley's so young? idk

anyway, i know i've kinda been ragging on it, but like i said, i do still want to play it. the story seems interesting, and i really want to see where it goes! just definitely not for the price of $60 lol

3. Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: it was fun! like a mix between immortals fenyx rising, hades, and trine. all of which are right up my alley! but also i was not very good at the combat, which definitely detracted from the experience a bit. i imagine if i was playing the full game i could eventually get used to the combat, but there just wasn't enough time for me to do that in the demo. but i did like it, and i'll definitely consider picking it up if it ever goes on sale for a more reasonable price.

4. Chants of Sennaar (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: i enjoyed it so much i actually bought the game. stay tuned for my thoughts on the full game!

5. Growing Up

[played on pc.]

thoughts: so, full disclosure, i only played through one of the routes in this game (richard). when usually i would play through all the route's (or at least more than one) before counting it as finished, honestly i just cannot be assed this time. which isn't to say it's a bad game! it was a very fun game (at first), with interesting stat-building mechanics. i especially enjoy that my previous character + whoever i ended up with become the parents in a new playthrough. however, despite the fact that i had already started having new events when i started a second playthrough, i don't think the gameplay is interesting enough for me to want to replay it multiple times just to see the new events/meet new characters, at least not any time soon. at the very least i wish there was some kind of carry-over bonus. for example, since my character ended up with richard, maybe my current player character could have a boost in empathy? or intelligence, since my previous character's intelligence was so high. something like that.

also the parents sucked, they had nothing to do with anything unless they were giving me their stupid parent expectations goals, which got really annoying by high school age because the goals often took up desperately needed schedule slots. also especially bitter because literally right after i had completed a goal of tutoring 10 times in a row, they gave me a goal of helping out some neighbors (aka buying groceries ten times in a row) and when i had my character be like "will i get paid?" stupid fucking idiot dad was like "omfg why are you so selfish??? 😤" BITCH I JUST TOOK UP A BUNCH OF MY VALUABLE SCHEDULE SLOTS TO DO TUTORING FOR ONE OF YOUR STUPID FUCKASS GOALS????? KYS YOU ANNOYING BITCH OMFG

6. Harmony: The Fall of Reverie (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: of the few (spoiler-free) reviews i've seen, reactions seem kind of mixed overall, but personally i really enjoyed what i got to play! the art is beautiful and the game mechanic of the augural is definitely unique and interesting. unless the story really starts to branch out though, i don't see there being much replayability; which makes me just a tad reluctant to buy it, even on sale, especially seeing as it's apparently only ~10 hours long. speaking of, i am VERY surprised the demo is as long as it is. hard to put it into hours, since i'm a slow reader, but you get to play 2 out of 5 chapters, i believe?? it certainly got me hooked and invested in the story, but that also just seems crazy, letting you play that much in the demo. so i guess, taking all of this into account, i think i'll just wait for a really good sale. like, i do want to eventually see where the story goes, but not for more than $10 lol

7. AI: The Somnium Files (Demo)

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: seems like a fun game, but also kind of weird. one of the characters blew up a balloon to comical size and the main character's response was something like "i wish your boobs were that big" whshgsjsjlskdj ???????? still planning to play it eventually lmfao but i'm gonna play it on pc. definitely seems like a game that's better on pc

8. Chants of Sennaar

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: ah, what a fun game, and such a beautiful artstyle too (it actually reminded me a lot of sable!); however, while i did really like the game overall, i will say that— as with most people who have played both games— i can't help but compare this against heaven's vault and, personally, even with all the issues i had with it, heaven's vault is definitely the better game in my eyes. while i wouldn't say the translation mechanics in this game are at all easy, it was easier than in heaven's vault. in this game, all you really had to do was match the right glyphs to the right pictures. which, obviously was often a challenge, don't get me wrong, but it was at least somewhat easier than i originally thought it would be: i thought i had to get my guess at the translation right too, but that part of it mainly seems to be so you can remember what the glyph means (or approximately what it means) before you actually verify it. so that was a little disappointing, although it certainly helped make things easier in the long run. which turned out to be a good thing that was actually a bad thing, because i'm not gonna lie, i played the majority of the game over the course of a single day. this was not a good idea (obviously), because it resulted in sleep-deprivation and me hurting my wrists/palms from holding the Switch for so long. clearly this was my own fault, but it did still detract from the experience, unfortunately. the inability to fully concentrate really kept me from fully immersing myself in the latter half of the game, which is likely why the ending fell a tiny bit flat for me. also, i have to mention. there was one puzzle i had to look up a guide for how to solve it, and even now i still don't get it and idk if i ever will. so, i'm kind of bitter about that 😭 but yeah, i don't want to keep ragging on the game, because overall it was great! definitely worth the hype imo. and if the core game mechanics of translating made-up languages sounds fun to you, i definitely recommend checking this one out! just maybe remember to take breaks and get some sleep so that you don't ruin your own experience like i did mine :/

9. The Roottrees are Dead

[played on pc.]

thoughts: if you like mysteries, difficult puzzles, or even just family drama, this is the game for you! it's actually been compared to the likes of return of the obra dinn and the case of the golden idol, and that definitely holds up imo. not in terms of graphics, but just in that you are given a mystery that you need to solve (or an extensive family tree that you need to fill out, in this case) and the game does not hold your hand. i will say, although it's been a while since i played either return of the obra dinn or the case of the golden idol, i think this game was definitely easier than those two (shorter, too). but it was still very rewarding! like i said, it was easier, not easy. honestly i really hope this game gains some traction, because we definitely need more difficult mystery puzzle games like it!!!!

10. Unpacking

[played on pc.]

thoughts: don't really have much to say except that it was a nice chill game 👍

11. Tunic

[played on nintendo switch.]

thoughts: i actually started this soon after chants of sennaar, but i finished it last (the roottrees are dead and unpacking serving as breathers). i really REALLY liked this game at first. it was different than i thought it was going to be, but i was still enjoying the challenge even when i wasn't, you know? aaaaand then i kind of hated it, because certain parts of the puzzle you have to solve in order to achieve the true end were extremely frustrating and overly convoluted imo. but overall, after seeing the end credits you get after the true end, i think i left off on a good note. at the very least i would definitely recommend this game to anyone who enjoys a difficult challenge not just in terms of combat, but in solving deep intricate puzzles as well <3

started but not finished yet:

Sea of Stars (Demo) - started in june. won't be finishing, but only because i decided to buy the full game!

Neo: The World Ends With You (Demo) - started in june. won't be finishing, because the gameplay just seemed a bit monotonous.

Paleo Pines (Demo) - started in june. won't be finishing, because the artstyle was not very appealing to me.

Tangle Tower (Demo) - started in june. won't be finishing, but only because i think i'd prefer to play it on pc.

Who's Lila - started in june. probably won't be finishing, because it just didn't seem like the game for me. which sucks, because i had been looking forward to playing it for a while :(

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 s03e02: Convictions table of contents • previous episode

Good news, you all have an ally living in my house. My partner, who up to this point hasn't not been watching with me, has started gently chivvying me towards the couch when I haven't watched B5 in a few days. He checks on me like a worried border collie. "Feeling ok? You haven't watched Babylon 5 in awhile…your brain is busy? Babylon 5 will fix that." Completely coincidentally I have also surpassed the episodes he vaguely remembers seeing on tv when they aired.

Kinda seems like the Drazi are started to fill the background ecological niche left by the sad departure of the entire Markab species.

Zack Allen deserves the poking. Stop being a space fascist, Zack.

bombs away Down Below! Ivanova's crank caller wasn't so crank after all!

The intro changed again!

Dang! This is hype. Vir's is the best cameo ahahahaha. No, I lie, it's G'Kar's. But Vir's is the funniest.

Drazi missionaries, human missionaries. And a bombing!

The Drazi are here to witness the site of the miracle of Droshalla (Kosh), and Brother Theo et al are here to live forever and ever hooray. I do hope the religious stuff isn't too tedious. Although if they really are here to do comparative religious studies, that could be interesting.

The human monks are also geeks with high tech skills. hm.

Garibaldi and his team have found bomb remnants, so it's officially a bomb event that needs to be investigated.

Lennier has only seven days to live?! Actually, Lennier will lie to stop being bothered in an airport and do penance over it, which is far funnier.

The bombings are getting really serious. People can just smuggle anything onto B5, I guess!

Get well soon, Lennier! Should have let Londo take the hit, but he's built different.

G'Kar believes that the bombs are being placed by Centauri agents who are starting a terror campaign, and he's been right about everything so it's entirely possible. If so, I don't think that Londo knows about it. I do really doubt that it's the Narns, as Londo's claiming.

"There's nothing political about the truth, Captain, as you will discover soon enough."

untrue. There's significant political meaning in everything presented as truth.

save me from Londo's prattling. I'd come out of a coma to ask him to stop with the circular reasoning. It's sweet of him to hang out and visit with Lennier while he's comatose, though.

A third bomb was found just in time to clear the area, and the explosives were stolen from an ice mining rig, and there were bombings elsewhere with the same batch of explosions. Lucky they had the technologically-inclined monks willing to barter their labor for residency to screen all their video date to look for the bomber(s)!

Unless the monks are responsible. Although they're so condescending about the simplicity of the task, maybe not.

G'Kar and Londo chance meeting in a turbolift! Trapped by a bombing together in a turbolift! This uhhhh will be stressful for G'Kar I'll wager.

Dang, maybe the bombings are the Narns, aimed at Londo! That's the second bombing that almost got him. I'm inclined to think it's not the Narns, though, Having access to, and safety on Babylon 5 is one of their greatest strategic advantages.

Unless Centauri are very different from Narns, being unconscious for two hours indicates a severe head injury, certainly a concussion at the very least.

Londo: We will die if we don't work together. G'Kar: *laughing* "No."

G'Kar won't help save himself and Londo, won't work with Londo, because G'Kar might die, but it's worth it to watch Londo die, too. Logical! He's done so much hard to the Narnuan people, planet, colonies, and the entire galaxy's odds of victory against the Shadows.

"No. As the humans say: "Up yours! Die!""

It's nice to see G'Kar so chipper! He has something really nice to look forward to, and got to share the joke to boot. Love this for him.

I choose to believe that Sheridan just hid his link in his undies. ^^

idk much about bomber psychology, and idk how much of the analysis of is legit and what's literallly fed propaganda. So I'm willing to accept anything B5 tells me, here.

There are chaotic times, and this guy has felt afraid and buffetted by it, so he wants everyone on Babylon 5 to feel that way, too. He's got to have some backers, Some planners. Some accomplices! Right?? Thinking about the time this episode was made, that's Waco, Oklahoma City, Kaczynski. Very home grown terrorism ranging from religious right to literally-tortured-in-cia-experiments. This seems to be more commentary on the disaffected blue collar worker end than the unethical experiments side of things.

The secret bomb has been found and it's also big and would wreck the fusion core.

My theory has been proved right! Sheridan's link was in his tighty-whities!

Partner: It was in his butt.

Bomber did not like the link in the pants reveal, but luckily, Sheridan's down to scrap!

Oh, they're just literally throwing the bomb into space! Well, if it works, it works!

Bomber: "It's not fair. It's not fair!" Sheridan: *cold-cocks him*

lmao, perfect.

Wow, they don't know that Londo and G'Kar are both missing!

Still not a very funny joke, but much funnier that Lennier heard and remembered Londo telling it to him, and then woke up to repeat it to Delenn before Dr Franklin could get through the punchline.

"I did what I did because all life is sacred. But when the object of your actions does not share that belief, I fear I have served the present by sacrificing the future."

Even Lennier is like "Maybe I shouldn't have saved Londo." That's really harsh of him, damn! The harsh world is shaving down his soft, fluffiness and it's really sad!

Londo: "I'm going to live!" G'Kar: "Well, it's an imperfect universe."

Londo: "I hate my life." G'Kar: "Me too." Londo: "Shut up!"

At least if G'Kar had to think he was going to die, and had a rough day, he lived knowing he had made Londo's day even worse than G'Kar's. An excellent note to end this on.

next!

[pbpsbff]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

got tagged by @fieldsofview :)) (and probably someone else. i have a draft of this from november. oops.)

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 47 as of yesterday:)

2. what's your total ao3 word count? 190,927

3. what fandoms do you write for? i've bounced around a lot of fandoms since i was like, 10, but since august 2022 i've been strictly writing for mcu spider-man (technically more leaning toward irondad, but. u know). with this in mind however, i have a couple 9-1-1 wips and am about one bad day away from writing big time rush fanfiction

4. top five fics by kudos: Peter Parker's Guide to: Texting, Twitter, and Tony Stark (2,110 kudos)

Everything's Coming Up Potatoes (439 kudos)

Is That a Potato in Your Pants, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? (422 kudos)

If You Give a Guy a Potato, He's Going to Ask You on a Date (401 kudos)

be mean to me (if you need to be mean) (331 kudos)

5. do you respond to comments?

...

i try my best. i genuinely have no idea how it's gotten this bad (if i ignore your comment please don't take it personally—i forgor)

6. what is your fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? oh god i don't have anything w/ a sad ending posted LOL i'm too much of a sucker for a happy ending. (i do have mcd in my drafts tho!!!)

maybe 15. There It Is Again, That Funny Feeling? It's more of a hopeful ending, but considering the context of the story entirely, it's pretty sad.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? every single fic in the series All's Fair in Love and Potatoes. this series is my happy place amongst all the death and despair on my account

8. do you get hate on fics? besides the hate i receive from sapoteylx? no

9. do you write smut i do! it'll never see the light of day but i do!

10. craziest crossover: i hate crossovers sorry guys. on my old ao3 tho i wrote a heathers au hamilton fic and that's probably the closest i'll ever get to one (unless we're counting r&r? since it's technically twd universe?) also this one time (i was 11. keep this in mind) i read a fic that was tagged jacob sartorius/bob duncan and i think about it daily

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? i hope not???

12. have you ever had a fic translated? NO but that would be so cool. i have some regular commenters that tend to comment in spanish and i'm always wondering if it would be easier for them if i had it translated but i only speak engish. idk fic translators are gods gift to writers i fear

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? i cowrote a hamilton chatfic in 2018. next question

14. all time favorite ship? every peter parker ship ever (excluding all the minor/adult ones). big sambucky and pepperony fan too tho

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have this wip that's like, peter agrees to go undercover for a mission because they need info from some big bad guy and peter is obviously the least recognizable of the bunch, but he gets kidnapped and all that good stuff. idk if i'll ever get around to finish it, because it's like 9 planned chapters and that is SO ambitious for me.

also my cellist!peter au? i've been trying to write it but the words haven't come to me idk

16. what are your writing strengths? ooooo i think i'm good at realistic dialogue and character dynamics—i have spent hours of my life on fandomwiki looking at different character's quotes and watching videos of their interaction with other characters because that's something so important to me.

i think i'm good at balancing angst and humor too?? idk the walking dead really shaped my writing style because u can have a silly scene and then 2 seconds later someone is dead on the floor. hope to carry that vibe through everything i do.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? i am so bad at describing settings and character actions. i can always see the scene in my mind but on paper it turns into they are at a house. peter sits down in the chair, and is sad. and it gets to a point where i just give up on trying to fix it

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? ough if i ever write dialogue in another language i'll be consulting someone who speaks said language (which is what i actually have done!!!! i have a fic coming out soon w a spanish title and i asked aster-argent for help:)). or doing the thing people do where they just put the text in italics and write ," he said in spanish or some shit.

idk for the most part i stay away from it (ignoring the throwaway, casada harley joke i make in my parkner series) because at the end of the day i am a white girl who learned how to count to 10 in spanish because of dora and took 3 years of german.

19. first fandom you wrote in? ok so. i was 11 and on quotev, writing a chatfic about the bands twenty one pilots, panic at the disco, my chemical romance, and fall out boy. the fic is still up and it makes me nauseous to think about

i think technically i had an ldshadowlady fic out on wattpad before that but it was a blatant ripoff of another fic so. i don't count it

20. favorite fic you've written? i think this answer changes every day, and will change when i get my next group of fics out, but as of right now—

i'll put down my roots when i'm dead i'm just so proud of it idk. first time i've ever really met a deadline and probably the most passionate i'd been about getting a fic out since r&r began? i just love the whole thing.

Is Close the Closest Star? this one is definitely a tie with the several other angst oneshots i put out around the same time, but idk something about this fic is so special to me. it's like 6 months old and i know my writing's improved since then, but i'll always go back and reread

okok last one sorry ur making me pick my favorite child. Unrotting Your Insides, Unrooting Your Limbs i am such a sucker for recovery fics sorry. i've written several fics about bulimia but this is my fav because it's just. so soft.

tags

oh god i don't have enough writer friends uhhh @norahdevore. if u have not done this already. i am holding a gun to your head and making you do this (and anyone else reading this. please guys)

[wraenata]

Here's a question. How much of pokemon have you played? (Mainline series, side series, etc) :3

Pokemon long rambling activated :3

Seriously long post

So before my mom banned pokemon from our house (probably when I was around 7?) we loved Pokémon. We never had a video game console but my cousins did. So technically pokemon stadium is my first pokemon game! Only ever the rentals haha. But we loved playing the mini games.

When my mom banned pokemon and sold all our plushies (rip butterfree plush, I'll get you back some day) it was a pokemon drought. Until my cousin went to college and gave me her pokemon card collection. (Supposedly the halo mew is worth $100?! But I treasure them) and the brainrot infected me once again.

I started learning everything I could about game mechanics. This was when Gen 5 came out in Japan so you didn't even have the English translations yet! I made lists of what my teams would be in each game, how to divy up the HMs, how to get certain egg moves. All without playing a single game lol.

And then I found playr.org. It had all the retro game boy games. Including Pokémon Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, and Crystal. Unfortunately the saving system wasn't so great and got corrupted a few times (rip shiny ekans) but I did mostly play Silver or Crystal. (This is where the name Wren for my character was born!)

I craved more but I didn't know how to download emulators safely :( I watched playthroughs to get by. To this day let's plays are a comfort source for me <3

By the way I did all of this without my parents ever knowing. I was very good at hiding it from them XD

I think it was finally like freshman year of college when I figured out the pokemon fan games. I'm talking Uranium, Phoenix Rising demo, Ethereal Gates demo, Solar Light Lunar Dark, Sage, aka non emulator ones. Basically any I could get my hands on. I also started drawing fakemon in my sketchbook. I kind of want to revisit those some day. I still have the sketchbook somewhere.

Then I figured out emulators FINALLY. At least enough and got an emulator and mystery dungeon explorers of sky, MY BELOVED! I have played through the rom many times. I have a randomizer. Also a few years ago I found Sky Temple for editing the rom aka different starter pokemon. The discord server is always working on making new sprites so you can be any pokemon you want its very wonderful.

Junior year of college, I said I'd had enough. I spent an entire year hyping over Sun and Moon and my bestie/roomie convinced me to treat myself, something I literally never did. I bought a 3DS and Pokemon Sun and never looked back. I loved it. My first real pokemon game. (My parents were not happy when they found out lol). I spent so many hours. I got big into breeding perfect IV pokemon (idk why cause I never did online battles) or shiny breeding. I used to work til 11 pm some nights and before bed I'd just do some breeding. I would have the pokemon in the perfect ball and have all the egg moves and perfect IVs and nature and have the perfect nick name cause I was obsessive like that oof. I got ultra moon when it came out as well and loved it. I also bought pokemon X and Omega Ruby which I enjoyed. But Sun and Ultra Moon I played many times and bred so many perfect pokemon.

I did pick up roms around this time for Heart Gold, Soul Silver, Black and White and the sequels, and maybe Platinum? But they ran really slow on my computer so I never made it far. I preferred playing on my 3ds. But I still played quite a bit of Sky rom.

I was, less excited about Sword and Shield. I saved up a whole year to buy my switch and bought Lets go Eevee, Botw, and Sword when Gen 8 came out. I did inhale the entire game of Sword in one week, but I don't think I ever finished a second playthrough. The story was really disappointing and I did not like the gen 8 pokemon as much. It's hard when you're not a big fan of any of the starter evolutions, cause pressing B for every level up is tedious :(

I did enjoy Lets Go Eevee but after I loaned it to my bestie I had troubled getting back in. The ball throwing was a little off putting.

Oh I also bought Mystery dungeon Rescue Dx and I enjoyed that quite a bit!

Last summer I was struggling a lot with my emotions and frustration with my mom and as a form of therapy started spending money oof. I wanted a second DS so I could trade back and forth and make my life easier. It took a lot of bidding on Goodwill online but I snagged a second 2ds, legit copy of pmd sky! and pmd gates to infinity. And Pokemon Soul Silver! Also I bought the digital versions of gen 1 and 2 before the eshop closed.

I also bought Shining Pearl cause it went super on sale, but after I lent it to my bestie I haven't played since. I actually dont like too many gen 4 pokemon besides Glaceon, Leafeon, and Chatot.

Playing pokemon mystery dungeon on a 3ds instead of a computer keyboard was so much more satisfying. I played through Sky and loved it of course. Then I picked up Gates to Infinity which I never knew the story. I enjoyed it! I was and Oshawott with partner Snivy.

This brings me to last late summer, and the turtle brainrot set in and grew. Less pokemon, more turtles! I debated back and forth whether to get Scarlet or Violet up til the day it released. And then I just didn't. I watched playthroughs though. Seems pretty good and I like a lot of the pokemon, especially after gen 8 when I struggled to find enough to fill out a team of 6. I only like to use pokemon I like. I'm sure I'll get it someday but for now, turtles have my brain.

And that's my pokemon origin story! Still mad about my mom selling all our pokemon plushies. I do still have my cousins pokemon cards and I treasure them <3

I am very adamant about my pokemon having the perfect nick names.

Umbreon is my favorite pokemon <3

Not surprisingly this got very very long. If you made it this far, have a Leppa Berry <3

[purplesurveys]

1727

Did you get enough rest last night?  I really didn't. I slept at 5 AM thinking that would surely let me sleep in the entire morning, but my body still automatically woke me up at 9 and didn't let sleep again by then.

What was the last thing that kept you awake?  That would be right now – I finished off the entire first season of D.P. which I ended at around half past midnight, and now I'm back in my room downing the rest of my coffee with no intention to sleep yet, even with just four hours of rest haha.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night?  No, they have their own corner in the living room.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up?  It helps me fall asleep as the light noise gives me a sense of security, so I kind of need it.

Do you ever take naps? Do you take long naps or little power naps?  Occasionally. I can never do power naps as they always end up feeling super insufficient for me, and I prefer having 3-4 hour naps.

What helps when you have trouble sleeping?  I'd need to go through my phone and watch a lot of videos since that quickly gets the job done.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make?  My mom made pasta for sharing a few days ago.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make?  I don't cook for anyone, because I don't cook.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable)  Song Hye Kyo, Park Jihyo.

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable)  RM of BTS.

Tell me about an interesting article you’ve read recently.  Andi shared a pretty unique piece with me this morning which was basically a personal essay of why McDonald's' Coke seems to taste better than Coke literally anywhere else. It was silly yet insightful, mundane yet so weirdly intriguing and fascinating. For somebody who doesn't even like soda, I found myself reading until the very end. I liked it a lot and subscribed to that author right away lol.

Do you have a favorite Marvel character?  I'm not into anything superhero.

Favorite DC character?  Yeah, no.

Do you read comic books?  I tried getting into them but I got tired of faking it LOL so I just accepted that comic books and superheroes and I will never mix.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)?  I found Paranormal Activity to be a refreshing horror concept for its time and it successfully gave me the creeps, especially with the multiple endings. The sequels unsurprisingly didn't hold up the same magic but I'm very much willing to defend the first movie to my grave haha. OH Midsommar was also super freaky. I nearly refused to drive home that night because I was afraid of seeing the trees in the neighborhood suddenly pulsating.

What was the last horror movie you saw? The Menu counts as horror-ish, no?

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it?  The Exorcist. I was 12 and immediately downloaded a torrent when a quick "what's the scariest movie ever" Google search led me to that movie. In hindsight, though, because I already had expectations of how scary it is, I think that sort of pre-conditioned me to be more sensitive to the jump scares and all the freaky shit that happened in the movie – so 13 years ago, I was definitely spooked.

Realistically though, I feel if I watched it again now at 25 I'd probably find some of the effects more comedic than scary, BUT one thing I'll never get over are *those* demonic images that pop up like three times across the movie. Regardless of how old I get I feel like I'll always look away from those lol.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why?  I recently learned about Herbert K. Pililaau, the US soldier who fought off Korean soldiers on his own while the rest of his crew? platoon? (idk terms) had been assigned somewhere else at the time. Fucking dude kept firing until he was out of ammunition; then switched to grenades; then when he ran out of those too, ended up with knife in one hand, fist in the other to fight the best and longest he could before he was finished off; when he was found, he was surrounded by more or less 40 soldiers he managed to kill. Obviously I don't support war and this is a shitty story all around, but this scenario is straight out of a movie.

What is your favorite historical film and why?  Gone with the Wind. I have yet to understand the complexities and deeper contexts behind the Civil War and all other questions related toit; and when I say it's my favorite it's largely because of the production value and how unprecedented such a movie was to have come out at the time it did.

Do you usually enjoy historical films?  Yes, as long as they don't extremely deviate from or betray things that actually happened, especially if we're covering atrocities or human right violations.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that?  Shrek 2. It's the Shrek movie I grew up with so I'll always be biased towards it.

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why?  Eugh, I really dislike mythology haha.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting?  I read Percy Jackson and that's the most I'll read as far as mythology.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection?  Just BTS merch. Last things that arrived were my copies of D-Day and Face, but I'm expecting my orders of Jack in the Box and Layover to arrive October latest.

Do you have any houseplants?  We do, but it's my mom who takes care of them.

How do you like your tea?  As coffee.

Who is your favorite Muppet?  Wasn't really raised on Muppets.

What is your favorite type of bird?  Penguins. < Yes.

Which streaming platform do you use the most, if any?  Spotify.

What is a skill or useful piece of knowledge you wish you’d learned sooner?  How to pack smart.

What is your favorite vampire movie?  TWILIGHT SAGA ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Your favorite fictional couple?  Chandler and Monica from Friends; Glenn and Maggie from The Walking Dead; Mark and Joanna from Two for the Road.

Do you have a favorite historical couple?  Not really, no.

Have you received any good news recently?  Nah.

Have you learned anything new recently?  I took the 16 personalities test earlier for my ~annual check-in and found out I've switched from an ESFJ to an ESTJ. No big change other than the fact that I apparently think more with my head now hah.

[ace-the-fox]

Oohhh mama I've got the Adam Murray fankid (Cain) on the brain again. Have some thoughts (he's still a massive WIP that is trying to go along with whatever the canon decks at my face next, but here's the recents):

Okay, so, he IS now Evelin's kid too. Idk, it's symbolic and shit, and makes the most sense. They are the only couple in the series among the main characters, I believe, so...

This one's my fave. Making his parents pretty heavy duty Christians. But not like Carrie Christians, and more "We asked God to give us the perfect child and then we adopted you... What do you mean you want to be a boy, that isn't God's way??" Yeah, that. So, obviously having his Biblical knowledge, hating his parents, and not knowing what name to go by, he slaps on Cain for the time being. It's just to piss off his parents by naming himself after a murderer from the bible, because hey he's not getting it permanently, legally changed or anything. Though, he does turn out to really, really like it, unfortunately for his folks. (Also the fact that Cain killed Abel, his brother, and his deadname, Annabelle, has Abel basically in the middle... 👀 layersssss-)

He's basically the type of guy who would literally cry over spilled milk but then go through the most traumatising event known to man and just go "well, that sure was... a day."

I've also given him friends!! (Even though, with the way tmc seems to be going, the alternates might as well kill off all humanity by 2023, when this takes place, BUT–) I haven't thought of names. I considered biblical ones, but I'm not sure about finding ones that really fit deeper than just being from the good ol' bibble. One of them is your typical basic blonde white girl (who, admittedly, kind of starts off as one of those annoying allies. "I want a gay best friend!!" type of thing), the other one's a chubby video game nerd. They're an odd bunch, who somehow bonded over a shared chemistry project :)

This may change with the tmc plot or other stuff, but rn I've decided what makes the most sense is that Cain isn't technically an alternate and is actually just some guy. However, he is immune to alternates, as they can sense SOMETHING off about his vibes.

Mention of (entirely SFW) mpreg under the cut (I mean, any thing I do for any fandom ever is nearly guaranteed to include it, and I apologise for that but it will happen again lol). Don't tap if it ain't your thing.

(I may or may not have started a oneshot based on the latter half of this idea lol...)

So, he was originally starting to develop before Catalyst came out, and I got the whole "he was found in a rubbish bin off the street" thing from a Jacqueline Wilson book I never even read (sue me, okay 💀). But, no, recently I had a better idea: lil Cain was born DURING Catalyst. Essentially, Adam had no idea he was pregnant, his alt transformation triggered labour, he was already in so much pain from said transformation the labour also went completely missed, baby comes out, Adam has no idea what to think or feel. And, this all kinda depends on what Alex is gonna do next, but main idea for now is Adam gives bby to Thatcher and tells him to make sure he's (well, he'd say she because Cain was literally a newborn, but I'll say he because I feel that's right? Idk trans people can confirm or otherwise on that lol) cared for. Thatcher takes him to the hospital where he can be looked over and given to a new family (,:

[nathank77]

8/27/24

9:56 a.m

I did sleep but not great. I fell asleep somewhere between 11 and 12. I woke up at 4:10 a.m. I peeded and laid there for a hour trying to sleep..I had to eat a protien bar bc I got hungry. I prob fell asleep around 5:30 or 6 a.m according to my tv sleep timer. I barely got 6 hours.

I am meeting with Mike today and idk what to even talk to him about at this point. Why bring up the facial twitch from over a week ago? I almost don't even want to bring up Graves eye disease bc he may give me more anxiety about it. I don't want to talk about white mulberries bc then he is going to go into risky behavior and it'll just make me mad..

I'm fucking upset cause I'm so fucking alone. I'm fucking mad bc I swipe right on so many girls and none of them swipe back. I'm sick of the same hauntingly useless grind. Wake up, hallucinate all day, maybe attend therapy or go grocery shopping, be alone, swipe and never get a match, panic about sleep. And then rinse and repeat.

I don't have a soulmate. I don't have a life partner. I ain't going to find someone. I ain't going to have children ever. Life is just pointless. I think my only purpose is to have an effect on people once I'm dead.

When they read my words. Watch my videos. Then I'll have an affect on people. Maybe in my death I can change some perspectives. And then Kristen will lose her license. That's a sure thing. Maybe then she will feel bad for what she let happen to me due to her negligence.

My purpose here is to rot alone. If I never got psychosis I'd still feel the same but I'd have more hope. I wouldn't have wasted a year almost melting alone in sadness and hallucinating.

I don't believe my body will ever recover. I don't believe there will be a day I can hear silence again. So I have nothing to hope for but some stupid video game coming out in Oct in which I need to buy a whole new console just to play. What's the point? That's a stupid thing to look forward to and all I've got. I got to spent like 500-600$, to play said game bc it doesn't come out on xbox.

That's all I got.

October is coming. And that marks a year since my brain broke and I don't feel I've made too much of a recovery. So why make it to year 2 or 3. I bet I'll be saying the same thing. Sitting alone in my room (if I'm lucky and my mother is still Alive and I'm not homeless.) Panicking about sleep. Wondering if I'll ever hear silence again. Entirely completely alone. No dating prospects. No prospects for a future.

I hate to say it but I'm almost 35. I'm about to be 34. And I haven't been married once. I don't have a single kid. What am I doing with my life? Absolutely nothing. I'm never going to be an anyone or go anywhere.

The only places I see will be on a TV screen. I'll never see the grand canyon or anything in real life. Like niagra falls. I doubt I'll even be afforded one vacation in the state of CT in an airbnb.. I'd have to have someone to go with.

I don't see a future. I see nothing but the world saying give up already. It ain't going to get better. It's already over. Pull the trigger before Kristen wins the case and your suicide has no effect on anyone at all. And you disappear as if you never existed. They won't take the words of a crazy person over someone with 2 kids, a business, and someone who has multiple Jobs.

My suicide is the only way I'll win the case. With her negligence, she erased me. She made my word mean nothing bc they are nothing but the rambling of a "psychotic" person.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Lil rant about goals and future plans 😇

Ok so I've been here for a week and it's been a really nice time visiting family and I'm grateful to be living this life that gives me all this free time and opportunity to do whatever I want, back when I had an apartment and a "real job" I could only visit my family for holidays and it never felt like enough, but now I get like any significant time off work and I feel guilty if I'm not spending it with my family, even though there's other things I want to be doing... (Like what? Camping alone in the woods? /Kinda but there's always time for that between gigs etc) - enjoy this time and relax about it. Just feeling antsy bc I've been here a week and I'm kinda feeling like I might need to get out and go somewhere, but where, idk. I still need to visit my brother and my grandparents, I desperately need to clean the van, gotta make a mechanic appointment for next week, etc.

Also feeling antsy about going back to work which is hilarious bc like March, April, May, had barely any days off work besides driving all day traveling between gigs; was begging the universe to give me some time off to relax and vibe and whatever and now here I am with 2 months straight which was unexpected and I'm still kinda salty about it haha. But I'm one month down, one month to go, maybe I should be using the time a little better... I mean I'm working on projects which are mostly done, and I think next week I'll take care of the van things (cleaning, organizing, mechanic) and then D will be coming to visit so I'll either be here where he can meet my dad or I'll be at my brother's where we'll have more space/privacy to ourselves; we'll see!

I think the main thing is, I gotta get focused on my goals. What exactly are my goals?? I'm feeling a super lack of confidence lately and it's hard to know how to direct my energy right now. (I say that as if it's ever been different in my entire life lmao.) Usually I just focus on losing weight as if that'll somehow magically get my life in order Oh Yeah I'm Doing That Right Now 😅

Thinking ahead: July is free. August should be at least half filled if all goes well, and then some time to explore/camp in the northeast where it hopefully won't be too hot. September?? Who knows, but making my way towards Texas. October will have work in Texas, November December January should be full of work in Florida. So this is like my last solid free month and I should be getting my van situated, getting my business off the ground, working on my confidence and organization and planning and whatnot. I've been dilly dallying on that bc I lack the confidence and it's easier to avoid everything than to try something new, but it feels so good once you get past that and get started !!!

Maybe I'll lose 10 pounds and cut my hair and start wearing makeup again and get my clothes worked out where they all look cool/good/not like a hobo dad lolol. Maybe that'll give me confidence. Maybe it's time to reinvent my image and personality and break up with this guy I've been low-key ghosting and start putting effort into myself again. Maybe I need to focus on spirituality and prioritize wellness (how boring). Maybe I need to dive into a new skill and get really good at it over the next couple years. Who knows!!!!

I want to build things and paint things and make fun wearable crafts and make YouTube videos with my own music and vibes. I have enough work to pay the bills, if a side business can make enough money just to buy supplies to keep itself going, that's all I need. I want to go out west again, maybe I'll do that in February. Maybe I'll upgrade to an RV. The point: I have ideas and dreams and goals and this is my time to start working on them while I have the space. I have 4 weeks left....... I have money in the bank to get these things started. Make a plan, one step at a time, check things off the list. Clean the van and get it back in shape to start fresh this season. Call that guy and tell him it's not working right now. Stop avoiding. Relax and enjoy the ride!!!! Be grateful for this space and time with my dad. Use this time to your advantage, ask for help with business planning.

Tomorrow I'm going to paint my lil pottery pieces from the garden clay, they didn't turn out great but I have another batch that I'm trying a different process and we'll see how it goes, it's a fun experiment and at the very least I'm gonna make some decorative charms for myself to remind myself that it's fun to make things and try new things just for the heck of it :)

Priorities: exercise, taking care of the van, getting the business first steps rolling. 4 weeks left until the next chapter launches! Stop wasting days! (No days have been wasted but you know what I mean). Stop avoiding and start living.

Above all: life is really good!!! I'm so glad and grateful that I created this life for myself, imagine 3 years from now when my business is rolling and work is flowing and things are just like this except 10 steps better! Plant the seeds now and let the trees grow and in 5 years we'll have plenty of shade!!! Reminding myself that I've been dreaming about all these things for years and it's time to start working towards them. Reminding myself of where I was 3 years ago and how far I've come. Everything is working out, literally, and this is just the next step. What's the motivation? (PLJBF). Living a full and fun life. Feeling good about myself when people ask "what do you do"/"where do you live" ; offering gifts to the world for the sake of the process. Embracing the challenge, trying something new, giving myself the space to see what happens when I actually put myself out there. Is it an ego thing? Maybe. Is it for the sake of the challenge? A little bit. Is it just another girl in pursuit of happiness and a life on her own terms? Absolutely. There are many ways to show up in the world and I'm ready to be a confident independent strong smart capable leader. I'm ready to actually try and succeed. I am good enough and I know I can do it, getting started is the hardest part, staying focused and organized is the second hardest part, I know I can work with those challenges and make something happen. Let it flow. Relax. First: I'm here and I'm grateful and I'm ready to make the most of it.

Thank you, I love you ❤️

[dopaminergicaddictions]

3/8/24

12:12 a.m

I'm not going to worry too much about it turning into schizophrenia or anything else as, I did the math from the day of psychosis onset which was October. 10th, 2023. I smoked from that day forward to November 22nd, 2023..

That was when I was microsleeping. I was so fucking sleep deprived. That was when the voice was so creative and intelligent the stories were believable and I listened to the voice.

When I thought the cops were outside my house with cameras in the living room. Bc my step mother called bc I thought, "Brianna's pussy tree," I actually thought there was a "hall" in my brain that allowed people to hear what i was thinking if i thought about their name or they thought about me bc of deep eye contact. I thought everyone was there, who I made significantly deep eye contact with. I was so sleep deprived. Prob 4 days without 1 hour. Just Microsleeping.

Lori, dad, all my friends, Elise, Kristen, etc were all there and Lori was so disgusted with me when I thought briannas pussy tree. I also believed they could see my mental images... and Lori "called the cops" on me. She wanted to put me away...

I thought they were monitoring my movement so I was listening to commands from Elise and Kristen to save myself from getting detained bc lori said i actually said it. The voice would tell me to sit on the porch. Talk to my mom. Look at dog videos. As I was being monitored by the police on camera.

They were deciding if I was telepathic or if I actually said brianna's pussy tree....

I actually heard the cop car. The like beeping and the radio. I heard a male voice, as I was following instructions to pull my pants leg up. Look at the ceiling. Wave at the floor. Elise and Kristen were in a bush down the street picking up the police radio and telling me what to do to prove I was telepathic so I didn't get arrested for brianna's pussy tree.

I heard the cop car, I heard the beeping. I heard the radio. I heard the cops talk to eachother, not while the voice was talking, to be clear. I only ever heard one voice at a time. But I heard the cops say, "omg he really is telepathic, we can't arrest him for thinking something. Idk how he knows what we want him to do, bc he doesn't have a wire."

That was the scariest hallucination I had, it was early October. But I was smoking weed still....

I smoked weed 48 days from the onset of psychosis before I stopped and I still recovered majorly since October 10th to this day.

One day shouldn't set me back. I won't do it again. I'm still anxious about it but during my entire delusional phase... I smoked copious amounts of weed. Although the delusion ended November 15th, 2023. 7 days before my weed smoking stopped completely.

Yet I did not develop schizophrenia... when I was also only sleeping once every 4 or 5 days.... so I'll be okay.

A mistake is a mistake. I'll fix it. 48 days from psychosis onset with loud, hallucinations and no sleep. Versus over 100 days of being clean. Sleeping every single day and the voice getting quieter and quieter. No delusions. No nothing.

I'm comforting myself. I hate having to relive it as I write it but I need to cope with it.

During that event my sister took pictures of me acting crazy. Sent them to Lori and Lori called 211 for a psych evaluation which further validated what the voice was convincing me of and that Lori wanted to put me away for thinking brianna's pussy tree...

I pulled off that psych evaluation saying I was just high and I feel normal now. And they left. .

But yea if I didn't get schizophrenia then. One day with 20 hits maximum isn't going to cause that much damage.

[itstillstings]

συγγνώμη

¡¡Small TW for implied SH¡¡

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I miss you so much. My best friend. Idk your opinion on soulmates, but I think you were mine. We were soulmates. I hate myself for what I'm doing and continuing to do. I just don't know anymore. I'm on the verge of doing something very bad (to myself) right now and I wish it never came to this and I wish we could start over. Where did it all go wrong? I wish I wish I wish I weren't fucking like this. I want to be soulmates still, but I know I don't deserve you at all anymore. I fucking hate the things we couldn't control.

FUCK CANCER.

I would still see you every day if it didn't exist. It's no one's fault, and it's just life being completely unfair, but still. I look through our messages all the time and wish I had the guts to text you. Because I miss it. I miss staying up until four am just talking on Discord. Sometimes I see a picture, or watch some funny video and think '[redacted] would love this!' I go to send it to you and then remember. Talking to you has always been the best part of my day and I miss it.

Do you know how many songs I've written about you? How many poems? Long ass pieces of writing on tumblr that no one will read? You are my muse, always have been, and possibly always will be. You are the sole reason I am who I am today. Our past conversations will both haunt and bless me forever.

You made last year the best year of my entire life. Do you know what that means to me? Life is hard. Previously it has been extremely difficult to determine which year was the best, because they all hurt. You make the distinction easy. Additionally, this year has been the worst one yet. Maybe it's because you aren't here with me. I genuinely believe that you have forever changed my life for the better.

God, I really wrote all this just because you messaged me. It's a simple text, just one two letter word. 'hi' what do I say to you? All the emotions are all coming out, and it would be so awkward to send one of those sentimental paragraphs we used to send each other so often. But I can't just say hi back. That wouldn't even get close to getting my point across. You aren't a simple 'hi' to me. You're more like:

'AAAA [redacted]!!!!! I miss you so much. I wish we talked more. Here's a song I wrote about you it's kinda bad, but I'm still learning. Here's some poems. The titles spell out you name. Do you want the playlist I made you too? I know you were never a big fan of music lol. How have you been? How's your leg? Last time we talked said you were relearning to walk soon right?? Have you gotten used to it yet? It must've felt so strange to have a different foot and shin 'n stuff. I wish we could see each other in person sometime soon 😭😭 I missed you so much. I love youuuu /p'

But I can't say that. You just said 'hi' I've always been a little much, but that would just be weird wouldn't it? I could tell you about my life now. I got a boyfriend. You're older than him. You've never been older than anyone in the friend group. He's one of your friends too, so you probably know a lot about him. I'm failing gym class because I suck at athletics. But none of that would be important because I'm finally talking to you again.

Maybe I should respond to you now. I guess I'll just say something normal. Although we both know nothing about us is normal. But just know, I feel more about you than you could ever possibly know. /p.

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

i wasnt made for long distance. seriously. it's only been 3 weeks and i'm already over it.

i think part of it is that i know i like you more than you like me. i could text you all day every day and probably never get tired of you. i know my life shouldn't revolve around you and it doesnt. i just want attention. i trust you. and i believe the things you tell me. idk, i guess im just scared you'll stop liking me. its happened to me so many countless times. everything is fine until its not and then im broken. for years. and one could probably argue that's the trust part, but it's not. i'm not really scared you'll meet someone else, it's legit you getting tired/bored of me. no one else has anything to do with it.

i've been second fiddle a lot in my past to guys i would legit do anything for. i was never the first choice. or i was for a bit, and then i wasn't aka i never was. but i always take longer to move on. not with jake of course, but with everyone else. ryan moved on and i was still clinging to our past.

idk guys, idk what it is. i'm so confident in myself until i'm not. charlie broke up with me over a fucking text message. the guy i was head over heels for in JH kissed me and then later the same day asked this other girl to be his gf and then they dated for like 3 years. a guy broke up with me almost on my birthday for not taking his virginity. and don't even get me started on the situationships - so many that i really have no one to blame but myself. i have been through some SHIT. i need someone around to show me they love me and want to be with me.

the time change is fucking kill me. and the shift work. this honestly doesnt even feel like a relationship. and the worst part is idek what would make it feel like one. idk how the fuck to do long distance. i seriously don't. we can barely find time to talk over the phone or on video. we facetimed for almost 2 hours last weekend and that was so nice.. i just fucking want that more. like cmon maybe twice a week? is that so hard? i know youve also been working nonstop with no days off and switching shifts etc. idk i guess i'll see how things go when you have some days off coming up. what happens. how often youre actually gonna talk to me then. i know im being dramatic but ya. this is who i am take me or leave me.

honestly, the only thing that's keeping me sane is that you're the only person on this entire planet i would do this with. straight up, would not, ever, do long distance with anyone else. and what's more, i don't want anyone else. the reason i'm doing this, that we're doing this, is we want to be together. no matter the distance. no matter the time change. neither of us want to be with anyone else. and even though it's fucking hard, we're doing it. together. and even though i know it feels like its me against everything right now, i know you're in the same boat and you hate it just as much as i do. its just fucking hard. really, really hard.

lol, only 59 more days until i see you again. fucking christ of fuck.

[yahooanswersblog]

Random Q/A's where I answered

Would it be weird to go to the movies alone?

- Yes, I would recommend that you don't unless you want to be a part of someone's mean tiktok video.

Would you explore Death Valley? 

- Not during the summer.

been sober for a week, someone congratulate me. 

- A week is plenty, IMO. It's OK to treat yourself once in a while, I think.

Where does it rain a lot? Thats where I want to live. 

- The top 10 wettest states: https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/the-10-wettest-states-in-the-united-states-of-america.html

Spotify YAY or NAY ? 

- Yay to them and their competitors. And fuck Neil Young for acting like they're so immoral for hosting Joe Rogan.

How is the weather where you are? It’s gong to be 112 here today 

- Too hot. I live in one of the coldest US states too. But not 112, thankfully.

Are glasses attractive in a man? 

- I’m not into guys but I don't see why it would or should be. Guys with glasses can look like they're not masculine enough or something like that.

Ever look for something and it was in your hand? 

- It would happen every once in a while, more so when I was a child. I felt like an idiot.

Every once in a very great while, it can still happen. Sometimes it's my very own hot dog and sack of meatballs I'm trying to find, and to my surprise, there it was in my hand all along.

📲 Would you want to text me? 

- I probably would if you're not a catfish.

What do you do when your still stuck on someone from 8 years ago? 

- Contact them, prepare to get rejected once again like I'm about to. In my case it's my like 11 years ago so just a bit more pathetic.

How much damage could your best friend do to you if you ever had a falling out? 

- IDK what it's like to even have a best friend. I guess it might feel like a divorce, whatever that really feels like.

🏡 Do you live in a house? Apartment? Condo? Trailer? Something else? 

- Apt

What should I do after feeling sick from drinking 3 bottles of vodka 

- Have some more to numb the pain.

Who's playing let's pass Lindsey around and see when she breaks? She'll never break... who knows how she folds herself at the waist ready to get a dicking? 

- I’m a legit user and I was not "randomly selected" for VIP. If you lost your account, would someone inherit yours? I don't expect you or anyone to know. (I'm 95% sure not)

I'm not some hall monitor on this site, I was only wondering out loud.

What’s a song you think everyone should know about? 

- The entire album Dahmer by Macabre.

What song do you listen to to feel motivated? 

- Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac. Although, I never really reach for songs to feel motivated. It's just a song that makes me think it would be if I did.

Do you pick up money if you see it on the floor? 

- With no sign of whoever dropped it nearby? Sure. Why should I let it be someone else's lucky day.

When was the last time you were black out drunk? 🍹 🍷 🥃 🍻 

- If that's ever even happened to me once... does falling asleep while drunk, then waking up to vomit likely mean you "blacked out"? If so, the very end of 2006.

Testing if I'm shadowbanned. Answer please 

- Ah shadowbanning. Didn't know/not sure if that's a thing on here.

Would you accept an indecent proposal? At what cost? 

- If it was the kind of money Robert Redford offered in the movie with that name.

I take back my response to this question, on an account I'm locked out of: https://ask.fm/not_a_creeper/answers/148043103538.

Centipedes are not one of the most annoying. I've grown to appreciate them a bit.

The kind I've been reminded of since answering that question is in the shape of a teardrop, afraid of light, and very resilient. I'll omit it's name though, in case they're at all like Beetlejuice.

What was the last exciting birthday you had? 

- n/a. They've all been underwhelming.

what are some weird food combinations that you enjoy? Something you eat but everyone else finds weird? 

- Carrots in oatmeal can be pretty nice, but it's not quite unheard of either.

How much do you weight? 

- I think slightly below 155.

Happy 4th cuties 

- I wonder if questions sent on here can get delayed. Or, they probably spread more once someone answers a question late too.

My ex Adam keeps calling and texting me. I answer bc I don’t wanna be rude. What is his deal? 

- It sounds like you've put his happiness before yours. Way to go!

How do you get friends on here I don't even have any in real life. How pathetic am I??? 

- Is that your pic though? Usually someone this desperate is a young man.

Rap or Hiphop 

- Just two different kinds of feces to me.

[sckyie]

word count: 1.6k

genre + warnings: fluff; timeskip!kuroo, streamer!kenma, baby kuroo (like his kid not him), the word poggers is used

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: for reading purposes, oji (叔父上) is uncle and oba (叔母様) is aunt, doraemon is that bluecat thing with no ears ,, next imagine is gender neutral pronouns

"You should let Y/n play a round," Kenma reads off the chat. "I would but she has to go to the store."

"Either way I can't when I get back, I have to babysit," You say standing up from your chair beside Kenma. "I'll see you later bub." You peck his cheek before putting your rolling chair off to the side and leaving the room. 

You had decided to go out to get some groceries before Kuroo came by with his daughter, Tomiko, for you to babysit. His wife had gone on a business trip and he had an important meeting to attend. You agreed since you and Kenma mainly work from home. 

About ten minutes later, you pull into the parking lot of your local grocery store and get a phone call from Kuroo. "Hello?" You ask.

"Hey, I know I said four but apparently the meeting is being pushed up two hours. Can I drop off Miko right now?" Kuroo rushed.

"Oh, I'm not home, Kenma is. Just drop her off, he's streaming but it should be fine. I just got to the store," You say. "If you need it, the spare key is in the lamp above the door."

"Thank you so much Y/n, I owe you again!" He says before ending the call. Kuroo turns to his babbling daughter and swoops her up. "Come on babe, you're going to Oji's."

Kuroo gets all of her stuff ready before heading out. He texts Kenma that he's coming over but to his luck, no response. Kenma was too absorbed in his match of Valorant to reply to his best friend. Once at the front door, he knocks but again, no response. Kuroo reaches up to get the key and unlock the door himself. 

Tomiko began to babble louder as she recognized the living room. Kuroo kicks off his shoes and walks over to the streaming room. "Come in!" Kenma called after his best friend knocks. He turns to see him and Tomiko and tilts his head. "I thought you weren't coming until later?"

"I texted you and I think Y/n texted you too," Kuroo points out. Kenma quickly checks his phone and looks back up at chat. "She said it was fine to leave Miko with you."

"Hah?" Kenma turns back to him. "I'm playing solo queue and I just started stream."

"Miko can sit on your lap and watch. She does that with me at least," Kuroo strides over, placing his daughter on Kenma's lap. "I will see you later, and Kenma don't forget my baby is in your lap."

Kuroo quickly exits before turning to camera. Tomiko reaches at his desk but Kenma moves his keyboard, controller and mouse forward to avoid any accidents. "Uhm...Tomiko meet chat," Kenma awkwardly holds up his niece to the camera and a spam of heart eyes flood the chat. 

He was never one for taking care of kids or at least fond of it. When Tomiko was born, he obviously knew he had to watch her at one point but every time he did, you were there to help him. The entire topic of kids always been pushed back ever since you two got married. You were the one with baby fever while he didn't necessarily want to have a kid just yet.

Kenma sets her back down on his lap and notices her reaching for something on his desk. "Oh, did you want that?" He asks, pointing at the small cat plush on his desk. Tomiko's only response, because she's barely one, was to smack the table. Kenma reaches over, handing the toy to her. "Y/n got that for me, but you can play with it as long as you don't- drool on it." He finishes his sentence as Tomiko nibbled at its ear.

"Tomiko is so cute!"

"Awww! You and Y/n should have a kid!"

"Tomiko eating the cat is pog lol."

Many more comments flood in as Kenma admires the baby on his lap. He snaps out of his staring and looks back at the Valorant lobby. He switches to just his camera overlay and changes the title of the stream from "solo queue is poggers" to "idk yet i have a baby with me."

"I can't really play Val with you on me Miko," He turns to chat to see any suggestions. "Draw things with her on a paint studio? Maybe...Let her watch you play Minecraft...I like the drawing suggestion." Kenma replies to the comments. He carries Tomiko to the other side of room to get his drawing pad. He realizes his issue with moving the drawing pad and places Tomiko on his couch. 

Tomiko doesn't move an inch as she watches her uncle move his big drawing pad. "Baba," She calls out. "Wan Baba." Kenma immediately knew that meant she wanted you. 

"Sorry Miko, Oba isn't here right now," He says placing down the drawing pad. After hearing his words, Tomiko began to whine at him. "Oh no, no, no, don't cry." Within an instant, Tomiko began to cry, slapping her hands on the couch. Kenma goes to carry her but she smacks his shoulder in protests.

"Baba! Wan Baba!" She cries. Kenma seats himself, only to see sympathetic comments.

"Miko look, look," He attempts to show her the plush she was previously chewing. She swats the toy away, still wailing to see you. "Uhm...I don't know what to do, Y/n usually takes care of her."

Tomiko continues to cry, smack, and scream for you to come get her, leaving Kenma lost in how you always kept her from crying. He looks around for something to help and spots his headphones. A thought comes to mind and he quickly types in his search bar on his computer. Soon after, the opening to Doraemon starts to play.

Her crying ceases as she looks on the screen to see her favorite blue cat. "Is that better?" He asks. "How about...we draw him?"

Tomiko watches as Kenma lowers the music down and opens his drawing software. She began to calm down yet her breath was still stuttering. Kenma sketches out Doraemon and Tomiko began to smile slightly. "Do you want to color it?" He points to the drawing pad. He switches it to touch screen mode as she reaches to touch it. "What color do you want?"

"Boo," She says. Kenma switches the color to blue before Tomiko starts scribbling on Kenma's drawing. Tomiko's sniffles slightly as he wipes off her tears with his sleeves. 

"She's better now, yeah I'm glad she is," Kenma responds to his chat. "Miko, what else do you like to do...Nevermind you can't talk and I'm dumb."

"Jellwy?" She asks. 

"Jelly?" Kenma tilts his head at her. "What do you mean by jelly?"

"Jelly cups maybe?"

"Jell-o?"

"What if she's saying a video game with jelly?"

"Jellwy," Tomiko looks away from the screen to look at Kenma. "Jellwy fly!"

"Jelly fly?" Kenma stares at her intensely. "What jelly flies? Do you mean like slime rancher?" Kenma exits out the drawing software, changing the title of the stream beforehand, and opens the opens Slime Rancher. 

Tomiko's eyes light up and a smile grows on her face. She giggles cheerfully as Kenma began to play one of his old saves. More comments roll in as Tomiko's adorable noises captures the viewer's hearts. Kenma smiles as she is finally happy in his lap and not crying out for someone else. 

About twenty minutes into the game, you arrive home to find the two still streaming. "Hi bub," You peek in. Tomiko sat up at the sound of your voice. She shifts around in Kenma's lap to look over his shoulder. "And hi Miko! Were you playing with Oji?" 

"Baba!" She cheered. You walked over, expecting her to reach out to you but she seats herself back onto Kenma. "Pay jellwies." She points to the screen.

"Oh Jiji's playing jellies?" You leaned down and kissed Kenma, also prompting Tomiko to push your face away from his. "Ok missy, how about, we let Jiji stream and we can go make dinner?"

"No! Wan jellwies!" She argued. 

"She's fine here, I don't mind her. Chat loves her anyways," Kenma says. "Miko, do you want to show Oba your drawing?"

Tomiko smacks the table as an agreement and he switches monitors to show you the messily colored Doraemon. "Wow Miko, good job," You praised. "I especially like that Oji added ears to him."

"Oh, he doesn't have ears?" He asks. You nodded and placed your hand on his shoulder. "Anyways, let me know when dinner is done so I can end stream. Miko and I have important slime farming to do." You roll your eyes, pecking Tomiko and Kenma. 

Right when you finish cooking dinner, Kuroo arrives to get Tomiko. Kenma explains his day to his best friend after ending his stream, leaving him to smother his daughter with kisses. "Do you want to hang out with Oji again?" He asks. Miko nods and holds out her hand for Kenma to high five. "Thank you again. I'll treat you to dinner when the Mrs's comes back."

You say your goodbyes and turn to Kenma who was setting the table. You go to the stove, plating everything when you felt a pair of arms around your waist. "I want a baby," Kenma muffled into your shoulder.

"You want a what?" You chuckled.

"Miko needs a cousin," He says. Kenma pulls away from your back and stood beside you. "Can we get a baby now?"

"Bubs, we can't just buy a baby," You laughed. "Tomiko gave you baby fever, huh?"

"Maybe," He says. "Also we can babysit Miko anytime Kuroo asks."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @just-a-siiimp @d0llpie @elianetsantana