#If you want to read the wall of text it's post

[nekomamiiz]

third time's a charm

kuroo x fem!reader

wc: 4k

warnings: 18+, post time-skip!kuroo, husband!kuroo, various pet names in place of y/n, domestic vibes, mentions of ovulation and pregnancy, masturbation (f), some spit, oral (f receiving), lots of teasing, soft dom kuroo, some nipple play, heavy breeding, impreg, multiple orgasms/creampies... it gets really wet, hot and messy, cockwarming, my extremely poor writing skills!

a/n: weeeee i'm out of hiatus.. sort of... this is just a lil something i was messing with before my break. finally after 2 years i finished it lol. anyway,, this is pure smut like barely any plot besides kuroo putting a baby in you and extremly self-indulgent but i hope yall enjoy it!! big thank you to @retrofang for beta reading some of this bad boy and the entire server for putting up with me heheh! likes and reblogs are always greatly appreciated. thank you for reading <3 kiss kiss

banner and dividers by @/cafekitsune

After months of carefully calculating, tracking, and monitoring your cycle, the time has finally arrived.

Ovulation week.

You quickly text your husband when you receive the notification on your app. The little chime went off before you left the house for work. It must really be perfect timing, and he immediately replied. 

Tetsurou <3 — I’m on my way back home. Don’t leave yet and call out for today.

— Actually, go ahead and put in your vacation request now. I’ll be there soon. 

Your reply was a simple heart emoji. You’d get yourself relaxed and ready while you wait for him. 

There wasn’t much to do. You had already showered this morning and made the bed before ‘leaving’ for work. As soon as Kuroo sent that text, you put your comfortable house clothes on and lit a few candles around the bedroom. The only thing left to do now is prepare yourself. 

So, that’s what you did. 

About half an hour later, Tetsurou walks through the front door of your home. He slips his shoes off, then his coat and that’s when he hears it—a soft and needy whimper of his name. 

As he pushes through your bedroom door, his eyes find your body already glowing with a sheen of sweat and so beautifully spread out on the edge of the bed. He licks his lips at the sound of your cute little moans and the slight squelch of your pussy. 

It all sounds so wet. 

You have two fingers inside yourself, stretching and stroking the walls of your perfect cunt, offering Kuroo the perfect view. His breath hitches at the sound of your moans becoming louder now that your eyes are solely on him, and his mere presence is enough to make your body shiver with desperation.

“Tetsurou,” you whine his name as your fingers pick up their pace in stimulating your sensitive pussy. Now leaking with a desire to have him buried inside you. 

Kuroo’s eyes trail down your body. He watches closely at how your chest heaves, how you twist your wrist so your fingers can reach the right spot inside, and how you whimper when you can barely get there. You’re putting on a show just for him, and he eats up every second of it. 

“Fuck, baby. Look at you,” he quietly groans at the lewd sight presented to him. 

He’s already palming himself through his slacks, using his other hand to remove the buttons of his shirt. He’s not in any rush, simply relishing the sight of you building yourself up to release, but you both know it’s not enough. The way you writhe and squirm on your shared bed has his body temperature rising, and he can see your want for him dripping out and onto the sheets below you, making such a pretty mess that he can’t wait to clean up. 

“You’re so fucking wet, baby girl,” he says as he steps out and away from his pants, kicking his boxers to the side. “Were you getting yourself ready for me?” he asks with a slight pout on his lips. 

You nod your head as one of your hands quickly finds its way to your breasts, kneading at the sensitive skin and pinching your nipples between your fingers. Another whine escapes you at the added stimulation; add the sight of Kuroo fully undressed in front of you, spitting into his hand and stroking his cock—your mind quickly spirals. 

Kuroo settles on his knees at the foot of the bed, licking his lips as he stares down at all the slick collected between your thighs. He wastes no time leaning down in front of your aching pussy, and he smirks at the way you continue to desperately fuck yourself with your tiny little fingers. 

“Gonna let me taste,” he asks softly, looking up at you through the valley of your breasts. 

Your face is sweaty, and that faraway look in your pretty eyes is making itself more noticeable. Kuroo knows you're about to cum, and it's a face he loves to see. 

With another simple nod of your head and a quiet ‘yes,’ Tetsurou gets to work. 

He spreads your legs further apart and tosses them over his shoulders, tugging softly on your hips so you can be closer to him. His actions rip an excited squeal from your mouth, followed by your sweet giggles. 

You continue playing with your pussy, only tracing soft circles on your clit. Kuroo smiles at all the wetness collected on your fingers and takes hold of your wrist to remove your hand. He licks his lips before popping your glistening fingers in his mouth, sucking down all of your sweet juices and humming at the taste of you.

“Taste so fucking sweet for me, baby,” he coos while kissing your wet fingertips. 

He’s looking at you with eyes so full of love as he continues worshiping your body, kissing your hips and inner thighs. He groans when he sees more slick dripping out of you, biting down on your thigh and devouring the sight of your perfect cunt clenching around nothing. 

He needs to be inside you right now, but he also can’t help teasing you with his tongue for a bit longer. He licks a long, heavy stripe up your sensitive folds, groaning at the taste of you and how your entire body shudders beneath him. In this position, you’re at his mercy, his hands only holding your hips in place while you scratch and squeeze at his forearms from the intense pleasure he’s giving you with his mouth.

Kuroo chuckles against you, finding it so cute how you buck your hips in search of him. He’s already nibbling on your clit the way you like. What more could you possibly want? 

“What’s wrong pretty girl?” he asks, placing a soft, wet kiss on your clit. “Not enough for you?”

You whine at his question. He knows the answer, but he wants to hear you say it and the need in your voice. 

“Want you inside me, Tetsu,” your words come out as a needy whisper, mewling in ecstasy as his fingers trace little circles on your thighs. 

Tetsurou hums in satisfaction before he dives back into your aching center. He teases your entrance with his tongue, poking the wet muscle in and out while he presses down on your clit with his thumb. He can feel the way you shake under him, your thighs quivering when he adds more pressure to your bundle of nerves. So close. 

His gaze trails upwards, admiring every dip and curve of your body until he lands on your beautiful face. He finds your eyes already focused on his every movement, your brows pinched in an expression of pure pleasure, and your mouth parted in a silent moan. 

You trap his head between your thighs, back arching off of the bed as your body vibrates from your first release. He greedily slurps down whatever you have to offer, moaning and growling into your sensitive pussy, allowing your orgasm to rip through your body in soothing waves. 

The look in your eyes is slightly distant—Kuroo thinks—and he still hasn’t bred you the way he wants. He’s not unfamiliar with your increased sensitivity during this time, but it’s far too early for you to be this stimulated.

“I’m not even finished with you yet, beautiful, and you’re already lookin’ so fucked out,” he teases, voice sweet yet equally rough. 

He crawls up the bed, pressing kiss after hot kiss on your skin as he makes his way face to face with you, large arms cradling either side of your head. His cock is ready and burning hot as it bobs against your lower lips, causing you to hiss at the slight overstimulation. You feel a few beads of precum fall and drip onto you as he captures your lips in a near-violent kiss. His intent seeps into your mouth, and he silently declares what he’s always promised. 

“You’re going to look so fucking beautiful when you have my babies growing inside you,” he says, low and slightly out of breath. 

The statement shocks you somewhat at his use of plurals, and you return to reality instantly. “One baby at a time,” you pout playfully, kissing him again. 

He pulls away and smiles so wide that it shows in his eyes, “I know. You know what I mean, I just want a big family with you.” He leans back down, placing soft kisses on the side of your neck, laughing through his nose as you smack his bottom. 

Your shared laughter fills the bedroom, the world outside these four walls completely nonexistent as you share sloppy kisses for what feels like hours. However, Tetsurou plans to claim you as if it were the first time all over again, and he wastes no time doing so. 

A warm hand snakes its way down the side of your body, tracing your curves with such care that he almost can’t handle the thought of being too rough with you. He is going to worship you today and ensure every ounce of his love shows in every move he makes and every kiss he leaves on your skin. He reaches between you—using two thick fingers to swipe through your folds—gathering enough slick to lube up his already weeping cock. 

He pumps his fist once and then twice before pressing the tip of his dick onto your clit, causing you to moan in pleasure at such little contact. Using his hand to gently rub his cockhead in figure eights around your pussy, he continues to tease your folds until finally deciding he’s gathered enough of your wetness to press into you—something he has been waiting all day to do. 

With as much time as he spent between your thighs, he is surprised at how tight you always are for him, and you can’t help but whine at the intrusion. His cock is so warm and feels so heavy; you might come undone from this alone. 

Kuroo starts to pump only a third of his length in and out of your quivering hole. Trying so hard to hold back all of his primal urges and working on building you back up again slowly, moaning in your ear as he relishes in the warmth the two of you share. Finally bottoming out inside you, he feels you convulse beneath him. Your arms wrap around his neck, fingers tangled in his mess of hair as you tug slightly at the roots. 

“My fucking god, you feel amazing,” he says, clenching his jaw as if he hasn’t made love to you countless times, as if he hasn’t felt the heaven that resides between your thighs for years before this moment. Testsurou raises his head, looking at you, swiping a thumb across your cheek. “Tell me what you want, my love,” he demands, kissing you and resting his forehead against yours. 

He thrusts, slow and soft, and you spread your legs wider, thinking it would invite him to go faster, but he denies you. 

“I want all your cum inside, Tetsurou. Need you to put a baby inside of me,” you mumble breathlessly against his lips, grinding your hips to try and pick up the pace of his teasingly slow thrusts. “Please, baby,” you beg. 

“Is that all, pretty girl?” he asks, pulling out of you almost entirely and thrusting back in—quick and rough. You moan his name as the lewdest sound of skin against skin echoes throughout the room. One. Two. Three sharp thrusts followed by your sweet cries of ‘yes, yes, yes,’ and it’s then that he begins to fuck you with absolute purpose. 

Your hands have a mind of their own as they travel the expanse of his back, through his hair and back down again, nails leaving red trails on his skin while your thighs slide up and down the side of his body from the rhythm of his thrusts. 

His chest brushes against yours just right, stimulating your nipples and causing you to moan his name. He knows you so well and responds by leaning down, capturing your breast in his mouth as he opens wide and sucks hard, his teeth teasing your peaked nipple as he pulls away. He lingers momentarily, alternating between swirling his tongue and using his teeth to stimulate you. 

With a wet kiss, he pulls away, wrapping his arms around you and leaning back on his haunches as he holds you close. Your chests heave, and your skin slightly sticks together, the slickest part being where the two of you are connected, and he shudders at how quick you are to wrap your legs around his waist. 

“I can’t wait to make you a father,” you say, your eyes locking on his as you mewl from how he fills you in this position. The tip of his cock is surely hitting your cervix, and the familiar throb you feel while he pokes and prods inside has you grinding in circles against him, desperate to meet his thrusts. “You’re going to be an amazing father to our children, Tetsurou,” you whimper as your eyes meet his. 

He groans at your admission, his brows knitting together as he bites his lip in response. Both of his hands find their way to either side of your hips, gripping your skin and lifting you to speed up the pace. Your lips meet in a messy clash, your teeth scrape his tongue teasingly and he begins to unravel just in time with you. 

“I love you so much, angel, and I’m so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you,” he declares, moaning breathlessly and going up in pitch with each word. “So fucking beautiful,” he rasps out, his lips meeting yours again while his hands dig and squeeze into your skin. 

A few more thrusts and lifts of your hips, and you can feel how close he is. His arms are beginning to tire, but he still hasn’t had enough of you. 

“I can feel you about to cum, Tetsurou. Please give it to me,” you sigh against his lips, locking eyes as you feel him begin to spill his hot load inside. 

“Fuck! You feel so good, baby,” he says as he lays you back down. “I’m still not finished with you yet, my love.” 

This time, he grabs one of the many pillows at the head of the bed, and you instantly know what he has in mind. You instinctively lift your hips, and he gives your ass a soft squeeze before you back settle down, perfectly propped for him to reach deep inside and plant his seed. 

Once you’re both comfortable with the position, he gets back to work, grabbing you by the meat of your thighs and spreading you open. He shivers when he sees a dribble of cum slipping out and down the crack of your ass—this is unacceptable. 

Golden eyes find yours as his fingers swipe up the mess he made. “Can’t waste a single drop,” he says, sucking his lip between his teeth, fucking his cum slowly back into you with his fingers. 

Wet squelches ring through your ears as you focus on his hand pumping in and out of you—the other gripped tight around the base of his cock, edging himself. The rough callouses on his fingers stimulate your gummy walls so well, and he knows what he’s doing to you. 

“Enough with your teasing, Tetsurou,” you huff out in short breaths, reaching down to take hold of his wrist. “Because I’m not finished with you either, my love,” your smirk mirrors his own. Guiding his hand out and up towards your lips, you suck on his wet fingers, moaning at the taste of your combined juices—a little salty but so fucking sweet. 

Laughter once again fills the large room as he moves to hover over you, licking your lips and having a taste for himself. 

“Always so eager,” he chuckles, moving to kiss your neck, sucking softly. 

Rolling his hips back and forth, he slides his length between your folds, tip catching at your entrance two or three times. He still gives you nothing—not yet—because telling him not to tease you only makes him want to do it more. 

As if sensing your annoyance, he gives in, guiding his cock to your entrance once again; he settles back on his knees, pressing inside of you inch by inch. Those skilled hands of his begin sliding up and down your thighs, deciding on gripping your ankles and resting them comfortably on his shoulders. 

The meat of your thighs lay flush against his chest; you can feel the heat radiating off of him along with the sweat that coats his defined abdomen. His large arms wrap around your legs, pulling you flush against him, and you revel in the feeling of his cock finally reaching that deep place inside. 

Kuroo stays there for a moment—perfectly still—kissing your calves, taking a bite here and there. You stare at him in complete awe as he begins to thrust in and out, tip prodding at your cervix each time. His eyes pinch shut, cheek resting against your calf as he loses himself in the feel of your warm walls squeezing him tight.

“Feels good,” you whisper, offering him a sweet smile before biting your lip and tossing your head back onto the plush mattress. You reach out to him, silently asking to hold his hand, and he doesn’t hesitate to intertwine his fingers with yours.

Using your hands as leverage, he speeds up his thrusts, setting a brutal pace as he pulls you in closer and closer, mumbling words of praise through pleasured groans. His cock throbs inside of you, nearing another release, and his balls feel heavy as they slap against your ass with every sharp thrust. 

“Gonna cum again,” he grits out, hips faltering in their rhythm just as he spills his load inside of you for the second time. He chants your name while mumbling ‘fuck’ and ‘yes’ a few times, grinding into you to ensure his cum stays buried just as deep as he is.  

Releasing your hands, he runs his over the skin of your thighs, rubbing and scratching in soft circles. He takes your legs and folds you in half, your ass lifting off the pillow just slightly as he leans into you. His kisses are sloppy and wet, and he grips your thighs like a lifeline as he begins to jackhammer his cock into you. 

Wet squelching becomes the only sound you can register, drowning out his mumbled words of praise. You admire how beautiful he looks, lost in pleasure, eyes raking up and down your body, both of you glistening with sweat. 

He slowly builds you up to another orgasm, your body shaking the closer you get, and your pussy clenches around his cock in a vice grip. You can’t get enough of him, from the way his hands grip your skin so gently, the wild strands of black hair sticking to his forehead, down to the teasing words he showers you with throughout. 

You cum, your body trembling as Kuroo tries to keep you still, his nails surely leaving crescent marks on your thighs. He rises—no longer crowding over you—chest heaving and dripping in sweat. His amber eyes appear darker than ever as he continues to pound into you, overstimulating your pussy beyond what you can handle. 

“Don’t stop, Tetsurou,” you beg, wrapping your hands around your legs, spreading yourself so he can focus on his current task. His hands move to your hips, pulling you closer to meet every sharp thrust. 

“Third time’s a charm, right baby,” he teases, unable to help himself. “Squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight,” he chokes out, face contorting because he knows you did that on purpose, but he laughs anyway. 

His cock throbs inside of you, eyes zeroed in on that thick creamy ring coating the base of him, and the sight makes him groan—sucking in his bottom lip. There’s so much cum dripping out of you with every thrust in and out, and he fucking loves it. 

“Keep going, baby,” you encourage him, nodding your head when you feel his hips falter in their movement. “Give me everything. I want it all, Tetsurou,” your words come out in broken cries, relishing the sight of him coming undone. 

A few more thrusts and his cum fills you— so warm and thick—thicker than the previous ones. There’s no doubt in either of your minds that this will take; he just has to stay inside a little longer. 

Releasing your grip on your legs, you finally relax, setting your feet back comfortably on the mattress. Kuroo continues to rock his hips slowly, pushing his cum further inside of you, his mind elsewhere as he flits his gaze between your face and your pussy. 

“You look so pretty with my cum inside you, princess,” he nearly giggles, satisfied with his work and the euphoric look in your eyes. “Think we can keep this up for the rest of the week?” he asks, breathless, offering you that same sideways grin you fell in love with years ago. 

This makes you toss your head back, mirroring his laughter and clenching around him with every exhale. You reach your arms out, and he leans back over you, placing several kisses on your chest and neck—his nose brushes against your cheek, waiting for your response. 

“Let’s get some rest first. You look like you’re about to pass out from dehydration,” you say, amused at his shift in demeanor. 

His arms wrap around your frame, rolling you over so you now lay on top of him, fingers tracing invisible words on your back. He is still inside you, keeping his seed nice and warm, not allowing a single drop to escape.

“I made sure to have plenty of water today, and you know I can go for hours when the moment calls for it,” he delivers his statement with one shallow thrust, just enough to rub against that spongy spot inside. 

Too overstimulated to try for another round, you place your palms on his chest, resting your chin on the back of your hands as you admire his features. He plants a few pecks on your forehead before he moves a hand to caress the side of your face, thumb swiping gently on your cheek. His eyes bore into yours as you lay there for a minute or two, taking each other in. 

“You think that was enough?” you ask, nuzzling your cheek deeper into his palm to place a kiss on his wrist.

“If that wasn’t enough,” he looks down, gesturing at the mess of cum between you. “I’ll make sure it will be by the end of the week,” he says reassuringly, leaning in to claim your lips in a kiss. 

After today and the amount of cum dripping out onto the mattress, you do not doubt his ability to put a baby in you. 

The rest of the week continues the very same, and if you thought you’d already made love on every surface of your home before, then you’re wrong. Kuroo finds new places to take you that you never thought imaginable, and his stamina has become endless in his mission to get you pregnant. 

➣

About a month and a half later, you find yourselves hovering over the bathroom sink, waiting for the plastic sticks you arranged in a row to reveal their results. It’s only been a few days since your period was supposed to arrive, but you can’t help being excited at the possibility. 

Minutes pass, and the first stick displays two pink lines, the second and the third following right behind with the same result—you both lean in closer. Tetsurou’s eyes quickly shift between the instructions, the test, and your face. He takes in your expression—shock and absolute joy— and pulls you into a tight hug, lifting you slightly off the ground as happy tears fall from your eyes. 

He kisses your face, setting you back down to leave another on your lips. You hum against him in complete bliss, satisfied with the results of your love. 

Tetsurou pulls away, sporting the cheekiest grin that nearly stretches from ear to ear.

 “Told you I’d make sure it was enough.”

don't forget to like + reblog and let me know what you think ! love yall <3

[goquokka00]

Stray Kids on Weed

The Bangchan Strain In which the love of their life smokes the mary jane, and they give it a shot for the first time...

Bangchan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

A Few Notes: This is purely just supposed to be funny and a joke. I've also never been high and while I am friends with those who have either tried weed or do weed on the regular, I only know so much. So please just bear with me and have a good laugh, okay? Okay. Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️

I have a very firm belief that Mr. Bangchan over here in the corner's first time ever even dealing with weed is through a joint. He gives me the vibe that if he ever did smoke, it would be from joints, and he'd be good at rolling in general.

He sees you smoking it from time to time, and this time, he wanted to give it a shot. Of course, with any first time smoking, he ends up going into a coughing fit. I mean, you're breathing in smoke, why wouldn't you cough the first time? Hello?

But once the initial high kicks in, I see Bangchan as someone who'd be very giggly. Like, anything and everything is funny to this mother fucker. The picture that has been hanging for forever on your wall that was honestly really beautiful is immediately the funniest thing Bangchan has ever laid his eyes on because, and I quote, "The bear be kronked."

It isn't just the picture. It's watching dance practices, his own music, texts he's had with you in the past, need I say more? And if he found something funny when he was sober, then you bet your ass Bangchan's pissing his pants laughing. One time you had him rewatch the video of Jisung twerking that the younger member had sent out to just the members specifically, and Bangchan was on the floor, struggling to breathe from how hard he was laughing.

I also have this feeling that Bangchan would end up being way more emotional. Since he doesn't really show emotion when he's sober, I feel like more of his emotions would come out when high because you're relaxed, and riding the vibe train to who knows where. But I'm not talking just being more susceptible to his emotions.

I'm talking the stereotypical "Teenage girl is on her period and literally can't control her emotions." Bro will literally hear one sad thing and start bawling, only to giggle a few minutes later because he thought he sounded funny and saw you laughing at him crying.

And don't even get me started on the stripping issue.

I have this gut feeling that Bangchan would find clothes...uncomfortable...when high. They're clinging to his skin, tickling his arms, his jeans just feel weird, or his sweats are too hot. And so he'd just take them off, right then and there. And I mean everything.

If you're not there to watch him, or if he gets into the mary-ja-mooch when you're not there, you're gonna end up walking into the living room to see Bangchan ass-naked and laughing at his schlong because of how it's moving.

By the time his high is finally dissipating, you're usually able to get him back onto the couch curled up with a blanket and some water. And once he's sober, you both agree that this strictly stays between you two and that the kids will NEVER find out about his.

Do I think that Chan would go back to smoking? Maybe, probably not? I feel like he'd only do it on occasion, maybe if he's had a really stressful day and needs a break, but I feel like since he always ends up like...y'know...he tends to keep it on the down low.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist: @miss-daisy04 @kayleefriedchicken @wolfs-archive @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @wolfs-howling @rose-w-00-d

[kingofbodyrolls]

For this rainbow, I finally picked up my professional camera again. The last images stored there tells me that the last time I used it was the 1st of December 2023. Wild. But I picked it up thanks to this pretty rainbow, which was actually a double rainbow. So pretty. This image is made up of three into a panorama shot, and Lightroom was a bit funky with putting them together, so please don't mind the badly processed house in the middle; no, we're not looking at that 😂

For people who want a wall of text status update, it's under the cut.

How are you all doing? I'm hanging in there. Not active much, but I still haven't gotten myself into deleting my tumblr app. So I still see and get all your notifs, even if I don't reply right away! I'm still taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do with the blog for the future... I have not written a fanfic in some time now, but I have two finished stories that are ready to be published, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things these days... I've had dark days, written a lot of sad and dark poems (that will go on my sub blog some time in the future), and I've begun to write an original story. It's really fun; about magic, witches and mages; about good and evil and all the gray in between. It will probably bore you, but it's fun to write, even though I don't think anyone would read it except for a few friends (even though this thing might be the longest thing I'll write, turning into either two or three books lol).

Serotonin boost I get happy when I get notifs with comments and/or reblogs of my stories; it really touches my heart. To be honest, this is why I left/taking time off. I've always felt that interaction was low, and my stupid brain will not let me stop comparing myself to others, so it slowly killed my drive for writing and posting. If no one interacts, what's the point of posting? If no one interacts, what's the point of writing? But I love writing, and it's one of my creative outlets, so I couldn't let that go completely, hence I started writing original stories instead; no ones gonna read them anyway, but I can still play with characters, world building and storytelling. Those are the things I loved about fanfics---and I still do, don't get me wrong. But I feel so discouraged being on here. But I'm happy to know that a few people still care.

The Downfall This also made it quite hard for me to read; because I felt so unmotivated... I haven't read much this month at all. I tried to read a fanfic this Monday, didn't finish it and haven't picked it up since. Honestly, I've just been watching documentaries because I'm in a (tumblr) slump. I feel drained though; I feel like I've given so much, and I love it. I love making people happy, leaving lovely reviews, and it's as much for myself as it is for making another person happy---but to be honest, it has drained me. I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, but I feel imbalanced. Like I'm not being filled with much love, if that makes sense? I don't really feel appreciated, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel hated (yeah, I'm so good at being black and white), sorry---I know I sound very pessimistic. But you guess have always been so kind to me, and I love you a lot, and I have a few super lovely mutuals and friends that are lovely internet friends that I adore, so I wanted to be real with all of you. You can hate me for it if you want to. Go ahead.

I don't think I'm going to make a recommend list this month. I haven't really read anything, so it'll be really small. And I don't like the pressure of it anymore... which is why for a long time I've thought about not doing them anymore. Maybe some day I will again in the future. But I'd still love to make rec list on the member's birthdays! And I think this will help me, take some pressure off myself (that I've created myself), so I'll still read and rec, it will just be slower---whenever I feel like it, and not because I have to read to make a monthly rec list. This isn't my job, I'm not getting paid doing all of this, and the amount of time I've been spending on both reading and writing is more than 37+ hours a week, sooo. I have to slow down.

A part of me thinks that I flew too fast, too high and too close to the sun, lol. I'm still gonna be here, you can still send in asks for rec list or whatever you want, all is welcome (except hate, because then I'll simply just delete my blog, my mental health can't take that).

To post, or not to post? Should I post the two stories that I have? Both of them are for the series Friendcation.

And for the unfinished mermaid stories I still have left, I hope I'll finish them in the future; when, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel love for them again, to finish them. I have them all planned out, but like I mentioned before, with low interaction, I'm really not motivated to finish them, even though part of me really want to for the like five people that are so sweet and invested, and always comments and reblogs (you guys know who you are, and I love you so fucking much 🥰).

To all the stories I'll probably never write...

I still have some other unfinished but planned stories, and I'm gonna list them here, just for the hell of it. Don't know if people would have found them interesting anyway, but here goes:

Words on a Page (a Namjoon x reader, idol!au where reader is a fanfiction writer and interviewer for a magazine and has to interview BTS). Author's comment: probably never gonna write it. It has been done before, and it was just a very very silly dream I had.

Songs of The Heart (a Jimin x reader, musician!au where Jimin is a single father and reader moves into the house next to his, hear his lonely songs etc, they meet, talk, very angsty, sad and nostalgic and 'Who' coded). Author's comment: this idea came to me after listening to 'who' and then thinking about Jimin being my next door neighbor, yeah, that's it. Don't know if this will ever get written.

IT Support (a Jimin x reader, office!au where Jimin is your nerdy coworker, but a freak in the sheets, lol). Author's comment: this has honestly been on my list for years, but I never written anything for it, and I probably never will, even though I've made the banner and all.

I do have a few more, but I've already scraped those, and then there's the four mermaid stories to add to the list. I'm probably mostly excited about the mermaid stories, and those would be my priority if I ever get back into writing fanfiction again.

I swear, I'm almost finished... Okay, this whole thing has gotten incredibly long. Sorry. Before I end this post, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am to each and everyone of you. I've met some incredible nice people on here, some really caring ones. I'll never forget that. And I'll never forget each wonderful and lovely comment, some people have really helped me, motivated me when I felt low, and when I wanted to stop writing a few months back. Thank you. I kept going, and I wish I could keep going for you, making something special, for the special people I met here. I actually really wanted to do requests for you guys in hopes that it would motivate me into writing, but I just don't know. I still want to give so much back to the people who have hyped me up, so I'm going to tag a few of you lovely people--- if you have a request for a story, you're welcome to message me or send me an ask. I don't know if or when I'll write it, but in case I get a bit of motivation, I have some things I could write from, so if you want to, you can send me a request (just keep in mind the story will probably be a one-shot from 10-20k max or maybe shorter, lol, you never know with me). You don't have to send me a request, I simply want to give back to some lovely people. I wish I could hug you.

@letjungcoook7 @honeybloomyyyy @babystarcandyjk97 @minpdrecs @bobathi @allie-is-a-panda @back2bluesidex @gimeow @antisocial-mochi267

These are but just a few of the people that have supported me on there, either by commenting, reblogging, ask, messaging--you name it. I could list many others, and one day I might make a post celebrating all mt lovely mutuals, that means a lot to me. Thank you for interacting; you've (as long with others) helped me when times were tough. Thank you.

I had actually planned to open a "recommend a fic" section/box, but I'm not sure about that. I still have so many fics on my to read list, and right now I don't want to pile more onto it. Might do it in the future, when I've finally made it through my own lists.

Okay, I have to end this post for real now.

I'm still on tumblr, I still have my app. I deleted my discord app on my phone, but I'm still part of the servers I was before, I'm just not active. It's better for me that way right now, because it all got to be too much. I was just reminded of how much of a failure I feel like (no, we're not getting into that not, store it away). But you can always contact me here. I'm lurking sometimes. I look forward to reading in a more leisurely pace and hopefully not feeling pressured to make the rec lists as I did before (even though just for the completionist in me I want to finish them for just this year, lol).

Okay. If you read this far---thank you, I adore you, I love you, you're nice, keep going 💜

[insomniakingdoom]

[seaofreverie]

I listened to a new Sparks album and it was all I could think about for two weeks straight afterwards, a.k.a. My Hello Young Lovers Review

Okay, so here's my fabled review (I mentioned having written it once about three months ago, so I guess there's a chance that someone still remembers that). It's hecking long (seriously, it's long.) and consists mostly of me pointing out specific sections of the songs and raving about which specific elements of the songs I particularly like. And also attempting to make some sort of general statement on the style / atmosphere / themes etc. of the whole thing. I wrote this back in november, after 5 full listens of the album, over the course of about a week, and I didn't update it with any new opinions that I have formed since, to keep it true to that original form, besides some side notes where I thought they'd be useful to add. I hope you enjoy my yapping, however unprofessional and all over the place this whole thing probably is.

How to start album reviews? Well, I could sum up the general vibe / thing / feel / theme with the album but that seems much more fitting for the conclusion of the whole thing.

So let's kick this off with the first thing we see instead!! The album cover, the sleeve! (note: I got this album on vinyl for that first listening experience, the 2022? reissue) Ohh so pretty and cute, isn't it? Even inside, so much pink, even over-the-toply-so (for real though, I didn't even really think about what to expect from the inner cover, besides some photos that I knew would be there, but it was certainly not THIS. level of pink and cute), it looks so pleasant and sweet, doesn't it? And the band photos too, fun times all around!

Oh wow, ok, let's get back to reality here, I knew what I was in for (knowing just one track and excerpts of other two + reading misc comments on the album before already, as it is inevitable, you know. And frankly, that was actually the exact right amount of info from that commentary for a peak enjoyment here. Not going in totally blind but still encountering many surprises). This is a prime and, imo, very well executed example of mood dissonance. In a way where, idk, maybe it comes from me still having this even small amount of info beforehand, but it's the kind of situation that you can actually tell that something is off.

So yeah, the visual aspect of the album does fit it and I'd even say it does so VERY well, but as to how and why, maybe I should start exploring the atmosphere and themes and elements of individual songs first so we can make more general conclusions from that! So yes, I think it's time to dive in!

1) Dick Around ▪︎

Shortly put, amazing, showstopping and life changing song. And one of the earliest ones for me too! As a part of the extremely important and memorable playlist (note: my first time hearing a bunch of random popular sparks songs), it appeared somewhere in the latter half on the mix and oooh boy, was hearing this song for the first time, on the road in the dark evening too, an experience. I certainly found it intriguing to say the least, maybe I wasn't yet completely SOLD you know, and let's not forget that the second time I heard it (july) it actually kind of freaked me out in a way, but still, it certainly made an impression immediately. There's a reason this is one of the more well known / popular / important songs of theirs overall. This song is truly a journey and it messes with you in so many ways, oooohhh so many ways. I was super looking forward to hearing it again properly after being teased with some parts of it in the more recent weeks, so ok, maybe this is where I get to the individual parts I want to talk about.

Actually wait, first let's maybe say something about the placement. Of course it's the first song as I was pretty much certain it would be (and maybe already had kind of possibly spoiled..?), and it does work incredibly well as a mood-setter for the rest of the album, so it truly couldn't work any other way in my view. So yes, speaking of parts, there are so many different ones! Hearing this again was extra fun also because I would remember the main "point" / mantra of the song ("all I do now... is dick around") but not much else, then be reminded of another notable but very different part, then listen after this whole time properly on pretty much repeat now and be aware of those other little touches and bits that bring it all together...

So, let's start with the pleasant vocals & piano break near the beginning, it's, well... I just really like it (I hope I'll be able to say more specific things about other elements in these songs that I think need to be mentioned as I go on LOL), and right after that we have some very nice strings, then, suspenseful strings!! Idk why but I really really like it when those come in, they really set the unnerving classical tone that follows and returns throughout the album, then the same "calm" / bouncy vocal melody and a more "all over the place" piano returns (at least from what I remember, the notes are sort of more expansive in range in this part I think...). And soon enough... we reach the real moment of the song when it gets, well, real. And very intense. And this is almost jumpscare-like, ohhhh it's so good, even when you know you can expect it it still hits the spot amazingly.

So this is the rocking part that's honestly pure distilled joy and amazement to hear for me each time, the repeated echoey "hey hey"s for a second there are just the icing on the cake, so so so good. And, in fact, it doesn't get more rocking than this for the rest of the album. Dissappointing? Maybe it WOULD be, if there weren't other things still going on later, which were also in their own ways showstopping, so I think that yeah, those can make up for all that follows not really coming close to this level of unhinged. And this is the right word here I think, unhinged!! Damn, this freaking song. Like for a second there I remembered that in one of my early-ish hearings I just found it almost uhhh, unbearably raw? Idk if it's the right word but yeah, it gets... ugly for a second (I need to stop cringing at every more unusual / to the point word I use or I won't be able to write any genuine reviews in my life). Before going back to the main mantra of course! And then it goes on in a circle a bit more again, with more changes and some progression of the story and all that. And end on the mantra again. I don't know if I'm leaving out any super important bits here, I might be... Well, it comes back to full on rocking near the end too, with some variation too, so that's awesome! And very suspenseful and unnerving strings too for a moment!

So, should I talk about the lyrics / the story just a bit now? Ok, I won't go super deep into these or any of the following ones, I'll try to focus more on specific bits and the feelings that come with them and a general "theme" if anything. So, I think this song and its story is very engaging and I like it a lot and it certainly provokes further thoughts and ponderings, those 6 and a half minutes fly by super fast (guess that's just the power with sparks and their long songs, it's kind of incredible how maybe this goes ESPECIALLY for songs that rely a LOT on repetition, because those might work this trend the best), lots of variation, while still keeping some prominently repetitive / reoccurring parts balances it very well. You're really just thrown from one part to the next with this song. Ok, I wrote a lot about just one song and I feel like there's still more I could say if I thought about it hard, but let's move on now, we don't have all day (night)...

2) Perfume ▪︎

This is a favourite. An instant favourite. Right away this song grabbed me with its subdued, brooding and honestly pretty dark tone and sound. Low vocals, kind of ragged but driving guitar sound, and the DRUMS. They do SO much for this track, something about this specific drum pattern / style is very pleasant to me, very atmospheric. It's like a specific pattern that works to deliver some kind of effect (ok, I think through that, in a way, I just described the whole thing with repetition in sparks' music, especially in this era, nice, I guess that's how I view it and why it works so well) there's still a lot of interesting stuff going on there, plus it just sounds nice, idk. Once again, maybe "driving" is a good word for it. But now I need to mention that there is this one odd-one-out part that sounds much more cheerful, or maybe hopeful (and it returns again near the end). Because it has this specific thing, the different intonation of the SAME lyrics than the rest of the song ("and that's why...") feels strangely emotional. It certainly hit ME in the feels once I noticed it, so, yeah!!

So I think this is one of the darkest songs in mood and sound, while it also has something extremely COOL about its sound that I can't really categorize, I think I'm gonna feel like repeating this for every other song on the album but it just feels so CLASSIC, it's that typical song that always existed type of feel, yeah. But here it's less so due the melody necessarily, and more due to the whole picture. With some others it's also the song as a whole of course but they don't necessarily feel as much as a representation of a whole THING / genre / type of song / feeling in music of sorts (I'm really bad at articulating my exact views on these, am I not...) rather than those specific special moments that just bring it all to the next level. But OHHH I can't believe I almost forgot this, but the piano lines (I mean the post-chorus ones specifically) in this song, oh my goddddd!!!!!!! They're truly THE thing that sold me on this song completely, they're just so... something. So I guess this song also has that special "it" moment after all, doesn't it? Well, still possibly not quite as prominently as the next one, because...

3) The Very Next Fight ▪︎

Well, this is the kind of song that's completely made up of those specific parts making a very special whole. Starting with, of course, that melody line during the chorus "it's always the same. It's always the same". But maybe, just to be fair, I should actually start with where the song actually starts so, well, hmmm, the beginning. The very solemn piano and overall kind of heavy atmopshere here kind of slows down the momentum after the first two songs, and it delivers something quite different instead. So yeah, well, that chorus melody!! Oh wow!!! Isn't it so simple though? But it works so well!! It's simply beautiful honestly. It absolutely is! And later the electric guitar comes in for more effect and oh wow, it feels so incredible, yeah. And then some more solemnity with the... I think harpsichord?

This track feels very empty (as in the atmosphere, I'm not actually calling it empty as a bad thing or something like that, no no no!!) in some parts, then it has those emotionally charged bits, and let's not forget that it has some more really amazing guitarwork near the end. That kind of guitar "wailing" sounds beautiful in its own right too, it also kind of reminds me of some other rock-adjacent genre(s), I can't tell what exactly though...

4) (Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country ▪︎

In all honesty, after my first listen I decided that this was probably the song I was the least impressed by? Kinda strange, yeah, because I no longer think that, and yeah, it was another one that I was only slightly familiar with already. Very slightly. It's a very interesting song once again, I think it's really unique after some thought actually (as are most all of the songs on this record tbh, obviously). It's unique, but it once again has this special classic quality to it that just feels like it represents a very specific type of sound.

I wanna say that the chord progression in the chorus might be some variation of one of the "usual" progressions although OF COURSE I might be very wrong here, it's just the feeling I get because maybe it's worth mentioning that 1) a while ago I started noticing this one type of progression in songs that made them sound very similar to Kiss Me, Son of God (They Might Be Giants song), so I figured it must mean that KMSOG is just in some kind of typical progression that is used a lot, especially in country-sounding songs from my experience 2) there was also an element of some classic rock / rock&roll (?) / punk (??) songs that also made them sound very alike after a while when I started listening to this one internet radio station recently, idk if it's the same progression or its variation or if all those songs use different variations mostly but are still based on a very similar thing at the end of the day, but yeah. I might still not understand chords or be able to catch them while listening, but there's now at least a little part of that whole section of music theory that I might be able to recognise in music just by myself, so that's some major music literacy development on my part I think... Anyway, maybe the progression in this song didn't even remind me of that usual pattern specifically, but it just made me think of that thing nevertheless, maybe it's similar, maybe it's not... So this was kind of an irrelevant tangent on my part, oops.

So ok, let's get to the jist of this... What exactly I like about this song and such, or just what I wanna mention. Well, I wanna mention that this is probably one of the more repetitive songs, also one of the longest I think, maybe the third longest, I wouldn't be surprised by that (the opener and closer are both pretty tough competition in the length department) but it doesn't feel monotonous, it flies by super fast, once again.

I think it's also possibly the brightest sounding song on the record, the word that immediately sprung to mind here is "triumphant". Certainly fitting with all those awesome horns!! They're truly what really sets this song apart. I'm especially a fan of the horns in the bridge part, I think it's the bridge. Sooo so cool sounding, kind of "descending". I also really like the layering of the different vocals and their melodies and such, the acoustic guitar also brings it all soooo nicely together, it's so pleasant sounding, especially in the quieter "baby, let's invade" part.

Idk what else to say, very awesome song though and I definitely don't mind listening to it twice (with the repeat as a bonus track, which I'll also get to briefly at the end) at all, in fact this might be the least "intrusive" song in a sense, so that makes the best choice for a repeat, if I had to choose, I could see myself going with this one, it's just very pleasant all around.

5) Rock, Rock, Rock ▪︎

So things get real once again, huh. This is one of the songs that I count in the category of kind of sick and twisted but in a way where I only respect them more for making it, so that puts it right next to, hmmmm, sherlock holmes for sure, maybe some others I can't think of right now. Big part of that factor is surely played by the repetition which just works, well, very well. Specifically the choruses.

One part of this song I was pleasantly reminded of on my first few listens were the short strings interludes, they really give it some of that pleasant classical feel (a separate thing from what i describe as classic feel here!) that I could say kind of contrast with the song and its atmosphere in general. Or maybe spruce it up, idk, we do have very dramatic strings during the verses too... The very deep drum sound is also pretty prominent in this track I think, pretty great.

As to some more notable parts in the vocals department... Let's just say that the way Russell says some words is very, uhhhhhh, effective (i think this sounds more cursed than it should, but i mean exactly that, the delivery just really hits you... and other times it's kind of silly instead). And also, with that repetition and it creating something great in mind, there's the repeated "and since you put-" part near the end that's also really great. The repeated "I"s in the bridge I think also need a mention. It's like they know exactly what word / phrase to repeat, what amount of times, and in which part of the song for it to work the best, like the perfect placement and number.

I think this song also has a bit of a fake ending, so that's also something of note, especially when it's supposed to sound as dramatic as possible (at least that's the idea I get from it). And actually, oh, so does the previous song! I forgot that part even though it's even more noticeable / memorable in that song than it is here imo.

6) Metaphor •

Second half of the album starts off with something that's very elegant and all the while very pleasant and melodic, all of which makes it a very nice track, even in a more usual pop song sense. Some very cool piano to start things off, and the electric guitar accompaniment, which also enters pretty early on. And then we have that slightly more strange part, kind of like an early bridge, that honestly has a bit of a comical effect imo (with no disrespect intended!!)? As in, I find it kind of funny and silly personally. Yeah, the "who's up for a metaphor" part, especially when we get the repeated "don't don't"s and "we we"s, and, well, what follows is what's definitely the greatest part(s) of the song, when Russell enters his falsetto mode and we get the "aaaaa-ªªªªª..." etc. backup vocals in choruses. Those are the moments of the song that are just, well, ONCE again that classic factor that makes the melody & everything else super special. But more specifically, I think those parts are just kind of beautiful. Yeah, I'd say this song is the prettiest in sound that this album gets overall. Truly wonderful and gets you excited for the remaining songs.

Meanwhile, the spellings of dig as d-i-g might feel kind of random I guess? But it works. Adds variety or whatever (note: it's also a very good moment of a rhythm change I believe, I think now that's what makes it sound as cool and satisfying as it does). So yeah, kind of a heavenly song I think, in a sense, also one of my top faves just for that factor (note: this song is now probably my favourite on HYL, and also among my top fav Sparks songs overall. It wasn't instant, but it grew on me quickly and oh man, I truly love this song so much now)

7) Waterproof •

I think this is kind of an odd-one-out actually? And why? I think it's probably the closest on the album to being sort of a fully, or at least MOSTLY, "normal" song. It doesn't have so many parts that are just downright weird and unexpected I'd say, it's just kind of friendly instead compared to the other ones (note: it took me perhaps too long to realize that this song just doesn't have quite as much repetition, which most other songs here rely on heavily, so that's definitely what makes it stand out the most). Not that it's an entirely bad thing! Sometimes you gotta slow down and relax a bit I guess...

I do appreciate the kind of sudden switch with the "the sky is starting to cloud up" part, and the little orchestral bit right after the first time the aforementioned switch happens (the second? or generally some later time it happens again there are also some very awesome horns! Really starts feeling like a quaint rainy street in some french town or something...) when, well, I was going to say that the vocals and the strings do the same melody, but they actually don't, at least not fully, still though, I did have that illusion before I made sure it wasn't the case with another relisten, either way, when it DOES happen, and Sparks do that a whole lot I feel like, it's always quite awesome, I mean, syncing the vocal melody with some other prominent intrument's melody...

The I think harpsichord also makes a return, yay! And then there's the guitar part, that does have some real surprise factor when it comes in, but this time for sort of the opposite reason - it sounds bright and nice this time around, and also it reminds me of Sparks' later style tbh, specifically in their following more rock-centric songs of course. And I think that's very nice, we see the always progressing evolution of their sound here I think. That guitar bit also has some album closer vibes, that kind of fake closer (or nearly-closer) situation kind of reminds me of a similar thing I experienced with Bon Voyage on Propaganda for example (note: I have since learned that Bon Voyage IS the closer on Propaganda, and the following two songs on streaming are just b-sides. So it makes sense that it would sound like an album closer because it IS one).

Annnddd the last thing that I just can't forget about here is Russell's another epic falsetto moment (waterwatereverywherebutnotadroponme!~) that part actually makes me smile. Yeah. Legit. I paid attention and I did smile on that part during my relisten today. ... Ok, let's go on.

8) Here Kitty •

When this song came on the first time during my vinyl listening I of course instantly knew exactly which song it was (bcs I've heard the title before, and a few words on it too) and had this little amused "oh no" moment. And, well, turns out this song is actually very awesome and veeeery interesting! It adds something really unique to the album. I saw someone call it quite impressive in the vocals / vocal lines layering department recently (in the last week, so already after hearing it myself I'm pretty sure) and I absolutely agree.

First off, let's settle that - this is a very strange song. But that's exactly what makes it so good of course. The strangeness keeps you so distracted from this fact, that when we reach the bridge of the song you suddenly realize that beneath all the "tatata"s, meows and unsettling rising piano notes we have the very much usual song structure with verses and choruses. Yeah, I think I actually sort of figured it out, what might be the verse, and what might be the chorus... Speaking of which, the parts that I identified as choruses have this, well, it's the same thing all over again (but each time the specialness comes from a different place and is totally different of course), but that very classic feel, indicative of maybe even some specific genre but idk what exactly...

Besides that, well, maybe let's go back to my oh no moment for a minute, and let me say that I either am very illiterate in that sense (and yeah I am tbh) or the lyrics aren't as overtly, let's say, innuendo-filled? as I expected. They actually have a semblance of a story you know... I mean, NO, not even a semblance, it IS a story! Let me also say that this is a very interesting song to have stuck in your head a lot over the course of pretty much an entire week. Yes, it got to the point where it could be annoying. One last bit of the song I really like is at the very end, when one vocal line starts to sound kind of echoey / distant, nice touch.

9) There's No Such Thing as Aliens •

The song that first cemented itself as being by far the shortest song on the album, sort of an interlude before the incoming epicness of the last one (that was quite literally my very first impression before I even heard either, looking at the vinyl this one was visibly much shorter than the last, and of course I expected the last one to be fittingly grand, and so it was obviously, but we'll get to that in a minute). The funny thing is, it's not even that short, as I figured even before eventually making sure how long it was in fact, and that's almost 3 minutes, which, well, of course that's still something around well over two times shorter than the last song.

But enough about its length, this song actually does kind of work as an interlude thematically too, which it is? it sort of even feels like it doesn't quite fit with the themes of the other ones, I mean, maybe not that it doesn't fit but just that it's defintely the furthest removed from the much more similar topics of the other ones (more about that also later!). Plus it's pretty sparse lyrically, once again, there's less you can fit in under 3 minutes anyway. Which supports the interlude argument also I believe.

Anyway, the music. First of all, waltz time!! Always a treat in sparksland to have that rare spooky 3/4 time track. The feeling I get from this track is: grand, very orchestral, anddd, hmmmm, elegant. But is it more elegant than the rest of the album... Idk, I wanted to use 3 different descriptors. I honestly don't think there's much more to say about this one, it's great, the melody is really great, the grandiosity of the choruses, the even more notable waltz time during verses. I think that yeah, I could pick this track as the most orchestral / classical inspired of the album. One cool moment I'll mention though would be the very ending, with the repeated "no"s going for longer than you'd expect them to maybe, and the deep drum accompanying all that. Very grand ending.

10) As I Sit Down to Play the Organ at the Notre Dame Cathedral •

Well, how do I even start on this one. I think I can say that with literally each single listen I become more and more in awe of this song. Could I even call it even more of a journey than the opener? In a sense, yeah. There's so much going on here. So much that I almost feel like breaking it down into individual parts and giving all of them their due because they all work for the amazingness of the whole. In fact, I might even already have this track roughly memorized (all... 7 minutes of this track) so it could be done. But ok, I'll just go with each part as I remember it, we'll see if I in fact do go over nearly all or all of them.

So. Echoey synth (?) intro, then the first melody part, with the individual words repeated, kind of "urgent" vocals part, very nice rhythm and something I just find very cool. As it progresses we get another part of just the synth / electric guitar-like synth / guitar or whatever this thing is, then a mix of both + this clicky instrument and / OR is it the harpsichord again? Giving it all more urgency and a nice constant rhythm. I also really like when the "byebyebye" vocal gets looped before the synth reenters. Overall, this part of the song has a very electronic, drony feel that I greatly enjoy and find very atmospheric and immersive already.

But, well, it doesn't end here. Because later, everything else stops and we hear a church organ. Even the melody it enters with is very much like something you'd hear in a cathedral, indeed! Good environmental storytelling, isn't it? But then... the organ transitions into this very very cool frantic melody (and by very very cool I mean that it's probably the #1 thing that stood out to me about this song right from the start) which returns consistently throughout the song and is just oh so very awesome.

So we enter the next part, what could probably be called the central part "as I sit down to play the organ...", tension is rising, the organ is doing its thing in the back, then some "hallelujah"s and BOOM! The chorus? The "I've got faith" part of course. And with it some epic strings, and I don't think I can really say what exactly it is about this part that makes it SO FREAKING GOOD & ABSOLUTELY SHOWSTOPPING but it's easily in my top 3 moments on the album at least. Then it's followed by the slightly considerably calmer "she's here..." section and we go mostly full circle for now, more variations on the same parts. Some grandiose "lalala"s & epic drum action too. And then, the "I believe" sections which I cannot let myself neglect, mostly just on the basis of them being kind of sickening to me. You know, in the "why did they do this (said respectfully)" way.

Ok, did I really just talk about all of the individual parts, I guess so. But before I move on I have to mention the moment when the very first major part, the "bye-bye-bye my baby" part, makes a sudden comeback. It's honestly just so good and satisfying, when completely different sections switch and make unexpected (or maybe you actually DO expect them on some subconscious level, and that's what makes them work so well??) returns like this, if a song has that it's very likely it will become a top top favourite or at least have a very big effect on me. Or even HUGE effect, like here.

So yeah, the song does eventually end (I mean technically unbelievable somewhat, since it's so long, but have I actually mentioned yet that this track goes by about just as fast as the first one, because it sure does, you do not notice the time passing WHATSOEVER) on some more "hallelujah"s. And the album's over. Wooo boy.

Bonus tracks

Well, it's not really over yet if it's not the vinyl but the streaming version. We still have just two more bonus tracks, technically just one? So I'll go over both quickly now for completion's sake.

First we have "We Are the Clash" which is a pleasant song for sure, can work as kind of a denouement after the crazy journey of the previous track, so you're left on a little less of a mood unresolution and can become a little less unsettled after all of this going down... Idk.

But yeah, I actually have this impression veering on pretty strong conviction that this song is a cover actually. It could even be a cover of the band whose name is mentioned in the song, which would put this version in a extremely funny area of how far stylistically it might be from the hypothetical original, if it exists (what's up with all these bands and their "we are the [band name]" songs, there's so many). Of course I could also be very wrong about this so all I just wrote could turn out to be absolutely hilariously off target, still, a fun little attempt at guessing things and connecting ideas on my part, whatever the truth turns out to be (I will learn the truth... in due time. My experience tells me that when I'm still fully in initial unwell mode over an album it's difficult for me to read and retain any outside information / commentary on it. So no need to rush it, heh) (note: yeah I was right for once. I meannnn I guess it was obvious anyway but still, let me have this, I've been fooled by assuming that a cover was someone's original song way too many times so I'm happy to not be fooled for once).

So ok, the last last track. Baby baby can i invade your country is baaaaaack, not much to say but it's pretty much the same other than the lyrics, since well, it is the "alternate lyrics" version, not "alternate" version. I do think that it might be slightly longer than the final version though but it's also likely I'm misremembering.

Anyway, lyrics, all I can or feel the need to say is that they seem to be definitely way more to the point on what this song's actual topic is (not... invading... countries . I don't need to explain it here do I) so subtlety win for the final one I guess. Just so it is known, I have not read these two songs' lyrics unlike all the main album tracks'. But I think I caught enough to get the main idea from both, you know. I do think also that the final version's lyrics just kind of sound better, idk if it's the rhythm of the words or what but they do just have a nicer flow. So, improvement, probably, still very nice to know this version anyway of course. (note: yeah i have learned since that most of the final lyrics are the US national anthem. Makes sense that if any song were to have alternate lyrics it would be this one)

To round it all up...

I think there's still a lot that can be said about this album as a whole but how do I go about that. Well, I did mention earlier that I'd come back to a) the overall feel / atmosphere here b) the themes / stories and how they connect. So those shall work as a guide to my conclusions part of this whole review.

First off, I could even say a bit about the main vibe / sound here in reference to Lil' Beethoven! Since it really does work as a sequel, at least in sound, by all means. I described LB with stuff like... cold, distant, cathedral-like, what else was there.... Ok, I have more, lifted directly from my LB write-up. (note: finally listening to LB a month prior to this was enough of a big deal for me that I wrote down my live reactions to hearing the songs) Impersonal / detached. Alien. Spacious.

Do those apply here too? I think so, yeah! Pretty much all of these words also feel like pretty good descriptors here. But honestly, the more I think about it.... Maybe it's just that the distance / the detachedness and alienated feeling is a bit lower here? Or at least in some songs more than the others. It's hard to explain honestly.... That similar atmosphere continues here but it's just..... not as pronounced maybe. Idk, maybe it will become clearer with this next point I wanna make which is that LB actually is less, uhhh friendly in sound. Less accessible! Yeah, I do think that this album could be seen as: LB started the experiment, HYL perfected it by taking it in a slightly more accessible direction. Or is perfected a wrong word here, who can say which was, or should be considered the better outcome here.... I think I actually have a problem putting concepts into the right words today. But maybe at least some of my feelings about this can still come across here...

So yeah, I don't think it's possible to tell if HYL is better or LB, it also depends on how you look at it! As it kind of always does when judging stuff per good / better. One thing that I can say sort of for sure though is that LB certainly started ideas / techniques that HYL expanded on and toyed with further, so in that sense, it could be considered an improvement. And so it is clear, I don't think I can say 100% that I like one more than the other. It's not that simple. I guess you could however say that HYL was more of an instant hitter and LB really just grows and grows more in power overtime....

So yeah, they kind of did take the LB concept and all of the avant-garde, experimentation factors that come with it, and made it more accessible, which is a form of art and an achievement and a testament of skill in itself. I think the somewhat friendlier, more palatable approach of this album also lifts off the coldness aspect a bit, but it's still there, especially on tracks 1, 3, 5, 10, off the top of my head.....

But maybe I should talk more about the album and its sound as it stands on its own before I move on though. Maybe we could jump from the words I already used: classic, orchestral, brooding, dramatic, dark, aggressive (yes, I somehow see it as friendlier than its predecessor despite also being much more aggresive in all senses. Raw even. How does that work? I can't tell you today. And idk if I'll ever figure it out. And also personal, YES, that's the word, this album feels soooo very personal and emotive. Not in the sense that I'm trying to say that it must be personal to them, more like it just shows some very personal feelings and struggles), triumphant (but that goes only for that one song really), driving, ELEGANT. I think the word elegant is the key here. In all of its subtler or less subtle tone shifts it keeps that very elegant, kind of graceful feel, all throughout. Even when it seems to be touching subjects that wouldn't necessarily bring that kind of atmosphere to mind, it kind of elevates them and gives them, idk, a new meaning?

So is this a good segue into the topic of themes? I guess the album name sits well with what I think is going on here, because my main impression of the whole thing was something like.... stories of fucked-up guys with self-image problems / feelings of inadequacy, which they try to go around fully convinced that they're right (and their messy love-lives too ofc). Or are they just, normal, regular guys actually. Who can tell. It certainly gives you an idea / a whole concept to work with and ponder here and to connect and visualize kinda.

I think that yeah, out of what I've heard so far this has to be the most thematically-consistent sparks album there is. It comes to a point where all the songs give this little impression of a whole universe where all of this takes place, and while I've had these kind of impressions from albums that are way more all-over-the-place conceptually with their lyrics (I mean like.... pretty much every They Might Be Giants album. You can create this sort of illusion with more than words, the music and its atmosphere and often also its stylistic consistency might be even more important actually), this comes, in my mind, almost close to concept album levels in that regard.

The definition of a concept album probably calls for something more specific than all the tracks being in sort of a similar theme but you know.... I don't think it really happens most of the time in music in general, that the whole album has this sort of a familiar idea / spirit throughout that makes a unique whole. (note: apparently wikipedia calls this album a concept album. Another win for me in that case, lol). You could probably try to connect different songs' themes and work with that in some way.... Which is something I already did in all honesty, but actually it's a between albums thing here, because I do believe that the dick around guy could be the same guy that the narrator from ugly guys with beautiful girls talks about. Similar ideas you can connect! That's what I'm talking about. I love it when songs tell overarching stories.... Make me think about characters from songs or little universes and vibes created by even the vaguest of lyrics and the ideas those create and the imaginings they bring, any day.

Ok, what else can I say. I think I mostly covered everything I could actually. Should I say something more about the cover with the added context now. I already said that it gives off a "something's wrong" feeling, but I think it's also compelling in how it conveys that elegant, non-threatening and polished image, sterile kinda. Well, I think only one of those four words I just chose doesn't really apply to most of this album's songs. I mean non-threatening ofc. Hmmm, maybe sterile doesn't really work here either, besides those prominent examples of the coldness of sound on this album, it would actually go more with LB, which also has a fittingly minimalist, all-white cover. Collected and orderly to a distressing degree. Just like here, it also gives off some.... distressing vibe. As I already said with the "this isn't right" feel.

What else can I say. In reviews you usually give your opinions, which I very much did throughout this thing here, everything like this is always somewhat subjective I think, but even then, a final verdict could also be said here. I think it's pretty damn clear by now what my opinion on this album is. I wouldn't spend several days writing a review and analysing every little detail if I didn't have a very strong (positive) opinion on this album (I guess I technically can imagine writing a very throughout review of something that just annoys you so much that you simply have to go through everything wrong with it and have some relief and closure through that. I can't see myself doing that kinda thing however, I'm not that kind of hater (or really a hater at all lol, i hope), I'd rather devote my time to things that I find actually cool and awesome and stand-outs in a positive sense, and worthy of attention and that dedication).

So this comment I fittingly found on tumblr over the last few days feels pretty relevant towards my opinion of writing "reviews" of stuff (this was more of a, very detailed analysis I know, but review just kind of fits, especially with how people call their recaps / commentary / writeups of concerts "reviews" a lot of the time):

(note: yeah I think I should come clean here that despite my very recent start of actual social media participation I've already been a serial lurker in various places for years now, lol, I mean, that's probably a normal thing to do though, I hope. I mean, probably lots of people do or did that at some point, but still. And I don't know whose post this is anymore sadly. But I thought I'd keep it here because it's a good summary)

And also, just for the record, this is my opinion on HYL pretty much. Yaaaayyy i loved it i had so much fun!! For real. i'm glad they're creating something!!!! Absolutely. One of a kind album that I will cherish as yet another great and unforgettable entry on the list of albums that changed me (TM) and brought me lots of fun and great memories / associations, even in such a short time. And the actual FIRST on the new list of albums that I'm happy to have brough the utmost attention to and dissected like that. It's out of love.

Thank you for reading this far! Here's a little bunny as a prize!

Whoa whoops this gif was supposed to be small! Have a huge bunny in that case, you deserve it! 🐇

[keymintt]

re: your tags on a recent reblog, please NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER shut up in the tags!!! I love reading the way you hype other artists up and the small comments and insights you have. I would be so so sad if you stopped so consider this me encouraging you to keep using tags and talking in them FOREVER ‼️‼️‼️

OH I PHRASED THAT BADLY i have NO intention ever of shutting up in the tags abt art i will ramble to the ends of the earth about art i love art my best friend art and pictures and so many people make cool art and pictures all the time

i was talking abt how i don't shut the fuck up in the tags on like. the posts i make but that was unclear dhfkgfdhl thank you for the reassurance regardless anon i have no intention of shutting up in the tags of people's art !!!

[dididems]

The Deuteronomy Brothers~

Deut would have these pictures in his wallet, if he had one. They are all just barely into adulthood in these pics. Some more mature than others. And boy, these cat lads can fit so much trauma inside! Have that under the cut :)

So they’re basically just barely adults in these pictures. Think 18-ish in human terms.

Mac used to be proud of being the biggest and oldest brother. He held both Munk and Tugger not too long after they were born. He loved to show off his magic, creating the smallest flames for his brothers to warm themselves. He would use his magic in play wrestling too, which Munk unfortunately got the brunt of. He ever so slowly started to learn he felt more powerful the more he hurt the ones around him. And so he continued. At first it was unintentional, which slowly turned into deliberate set-ups to get as much of a reaction out of the others as he could. The frustration and hurt of others, it was… addicting. He could sometimes even manipulate cats to do something for him, whether they wanted to or not. His brothers were the easiest targets, especially Munk.

And everlasting, Munk grew to distrust his brother with a passion. He saw Mac taking kitten Tugger with him often. They were too fast for him to follow. When they would come back, Tugger would be upset and Munk was there to offer comfort. That cycle repeated for quite some years. Until Mac figured out the mind control. The buzzing, nauseating, static-y feeling was one he would never forget. He hoped one day he’d be able to snap out of it by himself. Tugger didn’t seem to mind or understand, but he was still so young, how could he?

And why did Old Deuteronomy never do anything about it? Surely he was a cat with more magical experience than everyone of them combined? Munk had once asked him this, after Mac had just been banished. He was met with silence. Better to never speak of it, then. Act as if nothing ever happened to him. Or his brother. Or the rest of the tribe.

The day Mac was banished there was a thunderstorm. No rain, just lightning and booming thunder, indicating the storm was close. Every time he had seen Mac over the last couple weeks, his eyes had been glowing. With what, he wasn’t sure. Old Deuteronomy had invited Mac into his den to talk. Munk and Tugger were in the kitten’s den, being watched dutifully by Jellylorum. In between the thunder, Munk could hear screaming and hissing. Despite his instincts telling him to stay away, he left a sleeping Tugger and went to look for his older brother and father. When he crept into the den, he was met with a terrifying sight; Mac stood over his father’s body, hands outstretched, filled with blazing flames. He let out a yelp, which caused Mac to turn around with feral eyes and focus on him. He realized too late his father was calling out to him, as he already felt the static and nausea set in. And this time, he wasn’t sure if he would survive.

What happened exactly is never spoken about. Old Deuteronomy’s den went up in flames and Macavity disappeared into the night. Munkustrap wasn’t hurt too bad physically, but he vowed to never have to experience magic ever again. Tugger was woken by screaming, his father’s den aflame and both his brothers gone. Days later, he would find Munk curled up underneath a broken bedframe. Not knowing what to do, he just curled up with him, not missing the flinch Munk made when he opened his eyes for a second. He was young, true, but he wasn’t stupid.

[todayisafridaynight]

Just a curiosity! Why do you reply to the asks mostly via tags?

Nothing wrong with it of course I just found it curious!

if i post a response that's more than two lines long i'll feel like an eighteen wheeler in a bike lane does that make sense

[girderednerve]

has anyone written about truck memorials, those custom vinyl decals that people put on the back windows of their trucks (or, less commonly, other vehicles) in honor of deceased friends & relatives? seems like a bizarre cultural practice to me. why a car, of all places? what's going on there? are you just like, acknowledging how you managed to get a nice truck without the traditionally exorbitant car payment which generally accompanies them?? (probably not, right?)

it occurs to me that it could also be a consequence of the ubiquity of lee brice's critically acclaimed (&, imo, deeply cringe) 'i drive your truck,' a song which i have just learned was inspired by the real dad of a medal of honor recipient who drove his dead son's truck & for some reason did interviews about this specific practice. 'i drive your truck' is a fascinating cultural object: it's about how you're sad about your dead friend, who would probably punch you in the arm for crying about it, so you drive his truck with his dog tags & his go army shirt in it, even though the truck has terrible gas mileage, to go 'tear up' back roads & a field [goin muddin, one surmises, but also it feels very pointed that driving & grief are presented as destructive]. i just find this complex like, hilariously on the nose: oh did your kid die in an imperialist war intended to, among other things, secure american access to oil? and you're so sad about it you go literally waste gas? bro. come on here bro. experience a scruple, or at least like, a moment of self-reflection here, bro

this song also feels like it's in continuity with another popular country song, david ball's 'riding with private malone,' which came out in august 2001 & reached its popular height in the wake of 9/11. it's about buying a vintage corvette from the mother of a guy who went off to die in vietnam (a note left in the car reads "if you're reading this then i didn't make it home / but for every dream that's shattered another one comes true / this car was once a dream of mine now it belongs to you"); the singer nearly dies in a car crash, but is saved by the ghost of the titular private malone. hilariously, wikipedia informs me that this song received critical acclaim for its 'subtlety' in expressing the american psyche after 9/11. the mind boggles, but then i suppose the bar was low

neither of these songs are the same flavor of vile, unabashed patriotism typified by, e.g., toby keith, but they're still making the same 'freedom isn't free' argument, centered on iconic cars: both vehicles are haunted by an american soldier, either with the ephemera of his life (brice lists dog tags, a dirty baseball cap, and a shirt, along with a radio station preset and a half-drunk bottle of gatorade, which one must assume is by now swollen with the noxious fumes of incidental fermentation) or more literally (ball notes that the radio picks up an oldies station, but also the speaker sees 'a soldier riding shotgun'). i'm fascinated by the way that cars are emotionally central, in these songs & in the memorial decal tradition. they're making a claim about what american soldiers are dying for (our ability to drive cars) & operating from the assumption that we all agree that this is a tragic but noble exchange, because cars are just like, so great. there's a sort of self-serving maneuver in both of the country songs in which they acknowledge the radio; as a person who spent a ton of time stuck in the back of other people's trucks listening against my will to the local country station, i can confirm that these songs both got a ton of play (chart data reflects this observation too). fascinating in a sick way, i think. there's some obvious stuff going on here about the narrow straits of country-star masculinity; trucks & vintage corvettes (especially ones which you fix up yourself, of course) are suitably cool & tough to cover for unmanly emotions like 'being sad.'

i know it's sort of popular currently to valorize some idea of american rural culture that is left-leaning or radical, and to imply if not insist that this culture is neatly separate from the toby keith of it all (consider, e.g., the popular 'ghost of dale earnhardt' page, which emphasizes the anti-police origins of NASCAR; needless to say, if you live in the deep south & know NASCAR fans, they are not a group of obvious commies. i picked this example because dale earnhardt jr. claimed that the ghost of senior saved him in a crash once & it felt thematically related, but others abound). the claim that there is a leftist rural history needs no defense because it is flatly true, but the idea that this legacy can be neatly disentangled from racist, reactionary, & imperialist tendencies is much more tenuous, in my opinion. american pickup truck culture (& to some extent other vehicles, which are treated metonymously with rural life; e.g. kenny chesney's deeply annoying tune 'she thinks my tractor's sexy') is so fuckin wild y'all

[strixhaven]

discord servers love having a thousand channels both vague enough to be incredibly confusing in what you’re allowed to post where and hyper-specific enough that you’ll get yelled at for posting the “wrong” thing in place where any reasonable person would think it belongs

[damnation-if]

I would love to hear you rant about dnd demon cosmology 👀 what potential do you see? You seem to be really good at cool concepts (i.e. the game), soooo what about for dnd?

oh dear... you've activated my trap card XD the question of what potential i see in d&d's cosmology is almost too broad in a way because. they do literally nothing with it. the vast majority of players don't know a thing about it - some might know small parts, from perhaps a book where it came up, a popular podcast that touched on it, or maybe a DM that fell down a rabbithole. but it's IMMENSELY difficult to really put together a proper picture of why the fuck the entire universe of d&d... Is.

i know a shit-tonne more than most people and even my knowledge is largely confined to some of the outer planes, specifically the evil-aligned ones. i couldn't tell you shit about the half-dozen good- or neutral-aligned ones and how they came about, and wizards of the coast doesn't seem even vaguely interested in helping anyone find anything out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this, to my abject and utter disbelief, extends to the PEOPLE WRITING OFFICIAL FORGOTTEN-REALMS-COMPLIANT CONTENT. meaning that wizards is putting out campaigns and content via official licensing that break or make NO sense within their own canon.

i'm going to put a cut here because be warned... this WILL get long. i'm going to explain... briefly-ish... about the Abyss and some aspects of the Hells, and then i'm going to talk about... briefly-ish... what an absolute TRAVESTY Out Of The Abyss was, lore-wise, and hopefully illustrate how wizards are wasting the potential that exists by NEVER EXPLAINING ANYTHING. (spoilers for Out Of The Abyss also)

okay, whew. rapid-fire. i can do this. briefly.

there's a guy, a god, named Tharizdun - you might know him from some books - and he wasn't always evil or mad. originally he was pretty put together but he liked knowing Stuff and Things so he basically built the equivalent of a telescope to look into the realm of Chaos that existed beyond the known planes. in d&d cosmology, chaos is a force in and of itself that acts as a counter to law; chaos springs up naturally in places like a vacuum or void whereas most physical planes tend to collect law in kinda the same way planets collect an atmosphere.

however, Chaos is different to Entropy. entropy, like in real life, is the force that's eventually going to implode the universe and cause the opposite of the Big Bang (they call it the Big Crunch lmfao). maybe. physicists go back and forth on this but in d&d it's more set. eventually, every plane will be consumed by Entropy and everything will End. (this is expanded on a lot in Starfinder, a scifi sequel of sorts to Pathfinder.) the closest thing to beings aligned with Entropy are the Great Old Ones, your Hasturs and Shub-Nigguraths and Cthulhus... it's why 5e Great Old One Warlock is entirely separate to Fiend Warlock. different guys, different power sources

so anyway Tharizdun built himself a telescope into the Chaos beyond the planes and he found out there were people! living out there! people made of Chaos! and one of them was a sexy tentacle lady! surely her intentions are nothing but pure!! this can't possibly go wrong!!! sorry buddy... try meeting sexy tentacle ladies on your own plane next time

the Queen of Chaos, Tharizdun's new internet girlfriend, was an elder type of demon called an obyrith, who are now the least common type of demon and rarely ever come up in official material at all despite being OBJECTIVELY WAY COOLER than the younger tanar'ri. the vast majority of obyrith are so otherworldly and alien that simply looking upon them is enough to drive mortals mad. knowledge of their names is enough in some cases. whereas the tanar'ri are mostly just mean or gross dudes

unfortunately for Tharizdun, he wasn't immune either, and his telescope relationship with the tentacle lady from the black void started to rot his mind, which was probably supremely awkward for his friends. she was trying to cajole him to let the demons into the plane he lived on, partially because demons like fucking shit up and partially because the swirling chaos void had no protections against the encroach of Entropy and none of the demons wanted to get Eaten.

eventually, between his madness and his desire to meet up with her in meatspace, as 'twere, he was persuaded not to let the demons into his plane, but create one for them to move into, called the Abyss. the demons said "great! we'll pack our bags" figuring that once inside they could just use plane shift to hop over to wherever (plane shift only works if you're On A Plane lmfao) but Tharizdun had the presence of mind to basically build into the Abyss a secret rule that prevented creatures of pure chaos from leaving it. it worked perfectly from his point-of-view - he'd just pop over for a booty call whenever he wanted, and also he doesn't get bitched out by the other gods for letting lowly chaos people into the plane.

the demons. did not take getting tricked well. Tharizdun is currently imprisoned in a layer of the Abyss, frozen eternally.

however, in the brief time before the demons figured out they'd been had, the Queen of Chaos conceived a child with Tharizdun, everybody's favourite 2-baboon-headed badboy, Demogorgon. this is why he's often called the first of the tanar'ri, because he was the first demon born in a physical plane - but he's not REALLY a demon, he's half-god. which is why He and Only He can plane shift (this will be important later). the next guy who is maybe more accurately the first of the tanar'ri is Graz'zt, who was Built by his obyrith mother Pale Night who basically went "eh, screw giving birth, i'm just gonna Make A Guy" but Graz'zt also sort of doesn't count. so. who knows who's really First

the obyrith didn't fare great being in a physical plane for the first time ever so these new demons who didn't need to adjust quickly eclipsed them in power. to this day, Demogorgon and Graz'zt are the two currently most powerful demon lords with any sense of style behind them - the third guy who competes with them is Orcus, who is important purely because he is some writer's Evil Wizard OC, Do Not Stial, and no other reason. i shrimply do not have the time to get into Orcus right now LMAO

the two big boys started beating down the obyrith who wanted to bring them down a peg or two, most notably Obox-ob the former Prince of Demons, who is like. the coolest guy EVER by concept and TOTALLY WASTED, and the Queen of Chaos, who wanted her new boyfriend (she moved on quickly) The Wolf-Spider (i don't know anything about him? he could just be a spider. i Do Not Know) to be the new ruler, and all-out war basically broke out between camps of demons fighting each other.

a bunch of gods saw this and were like "okay, perfect! kill them while they're distracted" and sent a bunch of angels and other powerful celestials to the Abyss led by Archangel Asmodeus (yes, really. yes, THAT Asmodeus). the demons rallied against their common Snooty enemy, and the war turned to angels vs demons. so, how did the powerful archangel turn into the Prince of Hells we all know? well...

he met a guy, who looked Mostly like an angel (probably fine, don't worry about that Asmodeus), called Pazuzu, who was muscular and hot and Asmodeus liked him A Lot. A Lot.

Pazuzu was an obyrith, and he literally Seduced Asmodeus to the Dark Side lmfao. YES, REALLY. that's really canon!! and Nobody knows about it XD that's how devils started! they're just angels!! Pazuzu and Asmodeus are still on good terms!! please for the love of god wizards. do something with Any of this!!!

anyway, that's the Basic history (yes, basic. i know, i'm sorry lmfao). for a perfect explanation of why wizards is wasting All Of This, let's look at a campaign module called Out Of The Abyss, which touted itself as an exploration of the Abyss and its lore. it LIED, believe me. i was SO excited by the concept of Out Of The Abyss, but it disappointed me on SO many levels.

the writer, who i don't personally blame of course, seems to have been given a list of names of demon lords, not been able to do Any research, and just been told "make them all fight in the end." the basic premise is that Lolth, who exists lore-wise purely through the power of boobies. tricks a guy into summoning 8 demon lords to the Prime Material Plane. this would be an Extinction Level Event if it took place within any reality even vaguely resembling proper Forgotten Realms canon.

but for whatever reason, they all instead just sit there twiddling their thumbs (grossly out of character for all 8 that are involved), except for Demogorgon, who... rampages around the Underdark stomping on people because he wants to go home. Demogorgon. who can Canonically. Plane Shift. Canonically. so he doesn't do so for NO reason.

Graz'zt fucking VANISHES, literally isn't MENTIONED, for the entire campaign. the guy who has the biggest cult following out of all of them and the largest power base In the Prime Material Plane? he's just sitting in a closet somewhere i guess. he's got nothing worth doing. what is he, some kind of masterful demon schemer looking for a leg up on his age-old enemy?? haha no... closet time

and what's EVEN WORSE is that none of the demon lords left back in the Abyss DO ANYTHING during their absence. Obox-ob, who swore vengeance against Demogorgon and that he would get his throne back AT ANY COST, is just kicking rocks for the MULTIPLE YEARS the campaign can take place over. doing nothing. Queen of Chaos and the Wolf-Spider? same. she doesn't take the opportunity to try and free her boyfriend from Demogorgon's prisons cos. it would be rude i guess? every demon politely sits there waiting for the mortals to sort things out, because if there's one thing we know about demons, it's how orderly they are! even Lolth, who supposedly did this in an attempt to gain power? doesn't?? do anything?????

-the CRs for these demon lords in the big fight at the end are also WILDLY out of canon alignment with previously used CRs for other demon lords. so completely bonkers i can't even get into it or i'll Never stop-

imagine how cool it could have been if this event that should have impacted huge amounts of story, shaken up the ENTIRE political structure of the Abyss, brought the obyrith back to the fore, forced the gods to finally REALLY confront the fact that Graz'zt and Lolth each have a worship count that rivals their own, explored Demogorgon's half-divine nature, explained the Link (and subsequent Rift) between the Abyss and the Hells, really examined what it means for a demon lord to be so powerful as to possibly become a kind of god.

but no. everybody just sits there in a t-pose until the players push all the buttons to make it go away. why actually do anything Interesting

shortly after (i think?) presumably as a result of what a wet fart of a story this campaign turned out to be, they had Lolth leave the Abyss and become affiliated with an evil god plane. and that's It. it wasn't in a story. they just changed A Word on her wiki entry. that's it

so yeah... hopefully that conveys why i feel the way i do about wasted story potential lmfao. on the extremely unlikely chance that you read all the way to here, thanks for sticking with me. i love to talk about things i'm passionate about... and this one's pretty complicated (hence the wordcount). sorry<3

[96percentdone]

there sure are a number of transfems extremely comfortable with talking about transmascs and their experiences like they get to be the arbiters of our oppression because they are also trans. i don't think that's how that works. trans people as a whole do have a lot of overlapping experiences, and transfems are oppressed under transmisogyny, which involves plenty that i don't relate to or understand. like there aren't hordes of caricatures of trans men in the media used as a punchline (i don't think i can even think any frankly), so i have no idea what that would be like. i don't get to be the one who defines what that experience is or means. it would be nice if those people (and i do mean those people because it certainly is not every single transfem on this website) could also do that.

i think the community would be a lot healthier if everyone just stopped talking over one another all the time, cause there sure are transmascs doing the same shit in reverse. there will be transmascs hopping onto a trans woman's post to 'debunk' things that i know we as a group do not experience. erasure operates differently from hypervisibility. i also know i have my own blindspots inevitably because i can only be me, but i dont think that transmascs doing this (bad) means that transfems don't and it isn't like. also a bad thing for them to do.

idk. this community feels fucked six ways to sunday. half the time you go into any trans tag ever to keep up with the entire community you not only have to block actual terfs on their perpetual bullshit but you also have to read 60000 posts made by trans people indirectly arguing with and talking over other trans people with some of the most bad faith reads of your own community imaginable. like. real 'i like pancakes' 'so you hate waffles' energy. the idea that a trans person who is different than you might say something in a clumsy way, or made a typo, or was half-asleep, or was uninformed about a particular nuance, or just maybe has natural, obvious limitations in how they can understand or experience the world because a person can only ever be the person they already are, none of that can ever happen! if someone says something and i don't get it, or i disagree, or whatever it is, it is malicious attack on my dignity and principles, they are the real enemies trying to oppress me and keep me down and they must be destroyed.

this place sucks. i hate it here.

[divinetrialsseries]

WHY YOU SHOULD READ THE DIVINE TRIALS BOOK SERIES!

What is it?

The Divine Trials is a story about connections, empathy and love. It's also a story about cool magic fights, familial trauma, and angels and demons (because they're super aesthetic). When I started writing this series I felt very alone and isolated. So, I decided to write a story where someone feeling the same way got to go on an adventure in a wondrous and intriguing world, accompanied by a cast of fun characters. This series is the result, and I hope that Enoch's story will resonate with others feeling as lonely as him. And if not his, then perhaps the journeys of those he meets along the way. After all, everyone we meet is going through a journey of their own, and the inhabitants of the Three Realms are no different.

No one is meant to be alone in this world, and if you're willing to look, you'll eventually find people that love you. You exist, so you're worthy of being loved. Though on the surface, this is a series about people facing villains, having magic battles and stopping world-ending disasters, at its core it's simply about people in pain healing through the love of those around them.

Okay, but what is it about?

In a fantasy world split into three realms, a Scribe with prophetic powers finds himself dragged into the conflicts of angels, demons and gods. Visions of danger and destruction plague the dreams of a young human named Enoch Augnium. To protect those around him, he must face off against people blessed with magic abilities; track down Remnants of the gods that existed before the world itself; and stay true to his belief that every life is worth saving.

And what about that cast of fun characters you mentioned?

To avoid clogging up your dashboard, I'll introduce the characters in a series of Meet the Cast posts! Specifically folks from the first book, The Origin of Enoch. That will obviously take some time though, so I'll also add the intros to this page here as they're created.

Meet the Characters!

Reblogs > Likes :)

[rotisseries]

this year, I kept a reading log spreadsheet of all of the fanfiction I read. so, assuming I don't read anything else in these last few hours of 2022, these are my final stats. here is my ao3 wrapped!

i read 496 fics this year. these are surely rookie numbers 😃 (this picture isn't even the entire spreadsheet)

my total words read in fanfiction this year is 6,227,818. 6. million. and 22 thousand. words. 24 of these fics, or about 5% of the fics read, were of a length equivalent to that of a standard fiction novel, which is a length of 40,000 words at the lowest average count. I feel like it's necessary to state here that, whenever I read incomplete fics, I put their current word count, but when the fics updated, I did NOT update the listings, so this number is an estimate

my no.1 fandom this year was stranger things! at 74% and 441 fics read, a surprise to no one. the runners up are the legend of zelda, in no.2, with 24 fics and 11% of my reading, and avatar the last airbender, in no.3, with 18 fics and 8% of the stuff I read!

my no.1 pairing this year was byler, with 57% at a count of 289 fics read! again, a surprise to no one! runners up are, no.2, ronance, with 67 fics and about 14% of the fics I read, and no.3, steddie, with 58 fics and 12% of the stuff I read

my highest month for fanfiction reading was july! of the 496 fics I read this year, 162 of them were read in july, which is about 33%.

468 of the fics I read this year were completed when I read them, which is about 94%.

the author I read the most from was @andiwriteordie, with 34 fics, which is about 7% of the fics read. tbf though, this is because she's insane and wrote a LOT of stuff this year.

409 of the fics I read this year, or 82%, were oneshots.

and those are my ao3 reading habits for this year! I'm thinking that maybe I'll track some tags and other stuff for 2023

[syn-odics]

i just have to face up to the fact that no one gives a shit about your OCs if you cant draw

[altblock-tm]

I I about to fucking loose my shit you have no idea how perfectly WTSS lines up with Epic The Musical of my fucking god. ET's Coffee Shop (the OC project based off of WTSS) is better (similar theme of what it means to be human and the moral consequences of casting that humanity aside) but WTSS still works perfectly because all the characters are the same. Iam loosing my mind. Holy fuck. Anyways can I hear your thoughts on Epic and the Masked Epic AU

Okie dokie! Sounds good! My thoughts on Epic, eh?

Ugh. Ogh. Oh my goodness. I ADORE Epic. More than you can comprehend. I’m no music scientist, but I can tell that so much incredible work and thought is being put into every track- and I cannot even comprehend how you can find people with voices THAT incredible. I think I have gender envy for Athena’s voice. And don’t get me STARTED on the clip for Antinous. Oughhhhhhh.

As for the theming, I am utterly FASCINATED by the subversion of themes you’d normally find in a story like this. Epic starts out with what would seem like Odysseus’s hero’s journey- the end of the Trojan War and the start of his journey home. But what we find as the story unfolds is not that he is proving himself a hero, he is proving himself a monster.

Epic has this really interesting focus on humanity being equated to powerlessness. It is always “I’m/You’re just a man.” You could be so much more, but you’re held back by your humanity. Sparing someone isn’t mercy upon them, ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves. You are not a hero for letting someone else live, you are a hero for fighting to get what you want and protecting others, no matter the cruelty. Everything about Epic is about power and protection and the consequences of failure, and how a man has to change to a monster in order to get what he wants.

And it makes me FUCKING INSANE.

Btw, some of my top favorite songs are Just A Man, My Goodbye, Ruthlessness, and No Longer You. (I’m sure there’s a pattern in there somewhere.) My favorite saga is the Cyclops saga- four straight bangers one after the other. Exquisite.

As for my Epic Masked au, that will require a longer explanation, and I’ve already rambled a decent amount, so I’ve placed all my thoughts under the cut!

The story of the au just follows Epic, to be honest; I’m just inserting Masked characters into the roles they best fit in. Unfortunately, some of these characters are spoilers to Masked lore… so whenever I discuss a role that would have a spoiler character, I’ll talk about something else instead.

That something else will be the production of The Odyssey that my theater group put on in the Fall of 2023, since it’s a different adaptation of the same story as Epic. Yes, I’m still obsessed with my own damn play, but it was AWESOME. I played Tiresias and I SLAYED SO HARD. I could ramble about it forever and I wish I could show the amazing pictures of it, but… sigh. Giving some light details about it are all I can supply you with, unfortunately.

Anyway! This is the au’s cast:

-Odysseus: Our first spoiler character. I wish I didn’t have to redact who the main guy would be, but he’s a walking disruption to my plans. Anyway! In my play’s production of the Odyssey, Odysseus was so so good. Unfortunately, even as the main guy, his character didn’t stick out to me as much as the others… BUT it was excellent. He got this really cool cape that unfortunately got messed up the day we did our photoshoot and eventually fell off his back at the end of the play, but the cape was fine for the rest of the shows!

Penelope: Our second spoiler! How tragic. Oh well. As much as I’d like to credit Odysseus as the star of the show, our production was rewritten to give Penelope a major focus as well. I adore her character for our play- she was a boundlessly patient and wise woman, endlessly strong for upholding her family even in the face of Antinous and her abuse. I’m unable to think of Penelope as a character without thinking of her opening lines in the play. “Patiently I wait, with my eyes ever fixed to the violet seas for my one true love’s dark sails to brighten Ithaca’s shores once again.” So melancholy…

Telemachus: …ah, also a spoiler. Ahem. Thanks to this rewritten version of the Odyssey focusing more on what was happening in Ithaca, we get to see more of Telemachus as a character, too. Telemachus holds a special place in my heart, since I was cast as his understudy! I never went on as him, thank goodness, I could not memorize all those lines… my overstudy was so so talented… anyway, Telemachus’s costume made him look like Jesus.

Athena: THANK GOD. I can tell you this one! The Twilight Goat plays the role of Athena. I see the Twilight Goat as a very wise, almost sage-like character, so she was suitable to be Athena. Thanks to Epic’s interesting interpretation, Epic!TwiGoat has a different personality than in Masked, but who knows if I’ll ever get the chance to show off either…

Polites: Hm. The guy who eats the lotus flowers, falls under their spell, and then later  dies prematurely and haunts the narrative? Of COURSE it has to be Karmin. On the bright side, this is finally a Karmin that has no malicious intentions! Tragic that she’s doomed by all of the narratives forever. Womp womp </3

Eurylochus: Timmy. Spoilers for the Odyssey, but considering that he gets struck down by Zeus after eating Helios’s cows… and that’s the closest I can get to recreating death via electrical fire… yeah, it works.

Polyphemus: This might seem like an odd choice, but I have Ichor as Polyphemus. If you asked Ichor, they would wholeheartedly agree that living in a cave with a bunch of fluffy sheep is a quite lovely way to live. Just don’t tell them the fact that they will be reduced to one eye… and then zero… poor Ichor.

Aeolus: Again, an odd choice, but I have Outlander as Aeolus. My reasoning is that they have the same little guy energy. Sure, the argument could’ve been made that Ichor and Outlander could switch roles and it’d be the same, but I argue differently! Outlander as Polyphemus wouldn’t work no matter how badly I want to gouge his eye out of his socket, because Outlander is too proud to ever ask someone else to get his revenge for him.

Poseidon: Ohoho! I love this choice because it is simultaneously so obvious and so contradictory. Of course I had to have Shapeshifter as Poseidon. Having Shapeshifter be an antagonist and cause boundless destruction is such a fun concept! This choice is heavily inspired by the nature of Poseidon in AnniFlamma’s Ruthlessness animatic- I ADORE the way Poseidon morphs throughout it. Go watch it. It’s so good. Besides, Shapeshifter could ROCK the amalgam sea creature look.

Circe: Florist. Lol. For the flower association. There’s clearly not a huge amount of thought put behind this one, but florist should count her lucky stars she’s getting a role in an au of mine. (Okay, that’s a lie, she has a major role in my Masked Pursuit au. Whatever.)

Hermes: This one will require some explanation. I have Devi as Hermes. Devi is a character that exists in the gray area of being an OC and not being one, since I am essentially reusing the design from the image lovingly dubbed by very normal AHiT fans as “Fox MJ”. Long story. Anyway, Devi and Hermes have the same vibes. I can completely picture Devi doing Hermes’s silly little giggle.

Tiresias: The Tiresias for this au is Partycrasher! Partycrasher is a VERY obscure cut character, but all you need to know is that it has connections to the afterlife in Masked, so it made sense to have it be the spooky dead prophet.

Calypso: Ah, we run into another spoiler. Damn, and I was being so good at avoiding those! Oh well, back to yapping about my play! The costume for Calypso was so pretty. SO DAMN PRETTY. Actually, all the goddesses in the play (Athena, Circe, Calypso) had THE most STUNNING dresses and crowns/halos ever. Ohhhh my god. I wish everyone in the world could’ve seen this play. Wait not everyone in the world actually I take that back. Never mind I’m embarrassed now. Moving on.

Antinous: My funniest character choice for this au… which I cannot tell you because they are a spoiler. Ugh. So anyway, having Ithaca being a central focus for the play really gave Antinous a lot of time to shine as an antagonist. He was ruthless and abusive, and a complete and utter monster. Which might’ve been chill for him in Epic, but in our production, he was brought to swift justice. Hooray!

Hephaestus: Thor. Since they’re both inventors, y’know. I’ll be real, I’m pretty sure Hephaestus will play a minimal role in Epic, so I don’t think I need to say much.

Unfortunately, those are all the characters I have figured out. I know there are more that need to be filled in- such as Anticleia and Laertes, Eurycleia, the rest of the goddamn pantheon, Scylla and Charybdis, and likely others that I cannot think of right now. I’ve only been using characters from Alpine and Subcon lore, cut characters, and OCs, but if worst comes to worst, I might have to use… (shudder…) characters from base AHiT…

…or I could get my friends’ permission to insert their OCs into Masked Epic au. Which would be really funny. Whatever. Maybe I won’t even finish with all the characters until after Epic is fully released! That’ll likely be what happens.

Those are my thoughts on the characters, and since it follows the same story, you can discern how all their arcs will go. But if you want some visual representation of them, luckily I’ve drafted a few designs!

This first one is for Odysseus- ah, wait. Wait. I can’t show that one. Hm. Well, then, (sound of rustling papers) Oh! I know! I can show you this comic of my designs for Penelope and Telemachus, using dialogue from my production of the Odyssey- oh, wait. I can’t show you that one either. Phooey. What else do I have?

Oh! OH! I know! I can show you the really cool designs I made for the gods! I drafted some really neat designs for TwiGoat, Devi, and Shapeshifter! I’m pretty proud of these, actually- I like how I merged their anthro aspects with the gods’ designs-

-um. Uh-oh. I lost the paper. Oh… man :( I’m genuinely really bummed out about that one. I wish I could find it… if I ever do, I will post those designs! This friggen’ sucks, though.

Luckily, though, I have other designs saved. Here’s a very rough draft of Partycrasher/Tiresias. I’m awful at coming up with outfits on my own, so the costume is heavily inspired by the costume I wore as Tiresias. In my defense, HEY, the costume ROCKED. The toga was the same design as all the others, just black, but I got extra accessories: crow feathers around my shoulders, and gauze to drape over my face and arms. It was AWESOME. Of COURSE I have to give that to Partycrasher too!

I also have a design for Karmin :) This doodle of her is when she is currently lotused. But look at her. Full of whimsy. Full of lotus. Nothing but flower petals in her brain. I adore her. I miss her. I need to draw Karmin more often, man. I love women.

Unfortunately, those are the only designs that survived… I still feel bad about the ones I lost. In compensation for that, here are some other drawings that aren’t necessarily related to Masked or the Odyssey, but are related to Epic.

Wait, compensation? What am I talking about? No. You should be grateful to ME that I am showing you these drawings! I am SO LOVINGLY BESTOWING these upon you! Look! Do you think I show my unfinished scribbles all willy-nilly? THOU SHALT GAZE UPON MY OCS, BOY, AND OBSERVE MINE DEMIGOD DUMBASSES.

Okay that’s it :) Thanks for letting me ramble :) Epic is good but combining it with OCs is better :)