#It's a pity. I loved Sharon. I love her relationship with Break and I loved her dynamic and past alongside Gil

[jacksintention]

.

[bluehourbucky]

Moving on

pairing: matt murdock x f!reader; exBucky x reader

summary: what happens after the break up <part 2 of  Question...? > little bit of Buckys side how he's feeling ; reader moving on; happy ending?

tw: cheating, f bomb <few times but oh well>

a/n: really wanted to write part 2 for Question... so here it is!!!  but this can be read as a standalone/ sorry this is my first time writting for matt I hope I did him justice!

[ masterlist ]

It's been a bit over a year since Bucky and you broke up, and Bucky has been miserable.

Ever since you two had broken up the team had been giving him a hard time, especially Natasha, she has  unfortunately lost a good friend.

You didn't want to stay in contact with anyone since everyone pretty much knew that he was cheating, but didn't bother to tell you. To be fair, they did try to make Bucky confess,  and he said he would, but that didn't happen.

It was for the best to leave everything behind that connected you with Bucky, including people, no matter how much it hurt you.

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2 months after the break up

"This isn't what I signed up for."  Sharon says, while putting on her clothes back on.

Bucky stands up from the bed, grabbing her hand to stop her from leaving. He stupidly said that he wanted an actual relationship and not whatever they were doing was.

"Even If I wanted a relationship I would be with someone else. You're just a good fuck nothing more, thought it was obvious." she pulls out her hand out of Buckys.

"Besides, your performance has been lacking since you've become single, liked you more when she was waiting for you and you were in my bed."  

The doors close behind her, and Bucky gets a flashback of you leaving. He remembers your teary eyes, broken state, which he has caused. There's nothing more that he regrets more than hurting you.

Bucky, only when you were gone realised what he had lost. You had taught him what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. And he fucked up, majorly and he won't ever forgive himself. But oh, if he could, he would've turned back the time and prevented himself from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Now he lays in bed alone, wallowing in self pity, wishing he could hold you just  for a minute even though he knows he doesn't deserve it.

------------------------------------------------

present day

"Guess who?!" you ask while covering your boyfriends eyes, leaning on his shoulders. He was waiting for you to arrive to pick him up for date night in front of his office.

"Darling, I don't know if you're aware, but im blind so you don't have to bother with covering my eyes." Matthew, let's out a laugh and removes your hands from glasses.

You knew you had no chance of surprising him, so this was more for your entertainment only. When he turns around, he hugs you and gives you a quick kiss, and your heart does a little flip that you didn't think you'd feel again.

"Thank you for not turning around even though you knew I was coming from miles away." Matt could sense you from afar because of his senses, he could've turned around any time, yet he didn't, which you appreciate.

"You really thank me for the littlest things, sweetheart." he gets a hold of your hand and gives it a squeeze.

You don't know what it is but you might be a magnet for superheroes. When you moved to a shitty apartment to get away from super heroes you didn't expect to move right next to one. But you couldn't complain Matthew has been an incredible friend and boyfriend. Soon it's going to be 7 months of you being together and you couldn't be happier. When you think about how you felt when you first met him, and how you're feeling now, it's so different. You can't help but feel lucky that he's in your life.

"What are you thinking so hard about now, it's date night and you know the rules of date night."

"Nothing. Let's go I'm starving, and I know for a fact you forgot to eat, and you said you would work on it!" you scold him for who knows what time. Matt is a workaholic and you're okay with that, he makes time for you always but what bothers you is he sometimes forgets to take care of himself.

"And how would you know that, darling."  right after he says that he follows it up with "Foggy told you didn't he."

"Maybe." you teasingly say even though that's true, you occasionally check up on Matt when he's not responding to your calls.

It doesn't take long for you two to arrive to the restaurant, the route had been taken countless of times. As the door opens, you smell all the delicious food you're about to devour. Your stomach grumbles at the smell, and Matt chuckles, running a circle on your hand with his thumb.

"Wanna take it home? I know it's a lot." you whisper, knowing that a lot of noise and smells can make him feel overwhelmed, that's why you usually eat at home.

"If you want we can stay. I really don't mind it's just couple of hours." Matt the sweetheart he is, always puts you first.

"Nah, it's fine I'd rather we eat at home."

As you were waiting for you food to be prepared you talked about how your day was, asked about his, you weren't big on pda but you sneaked in a few kisses because how could you resist this beautiful man.

Once the food is ready, you take it and as you leave the restaurant you crash into someone.

And when you look up you just freeze.

Even if Matt didn't have super senses, or hear your heart beat he would know something was wrong. He didn't sense any danger but whatever or whoever was in front of you was making you upset.

"Uh hi." Bucky awkwardly says, It's been over a year since he last saw you and he was having trouble processing what he was seeing.

As soon as you noticed that he was looking at your interlocked hands, you quickly dropped Matts hand. You don't even know why, you weren't doing anything wrong.

"Hi, how are you?" you awkwardly said, picking up Matthews hand once again for comfort, he instantly sqeezed it letting you know that he was there.

"Fine. You? Team misses you." Bucky cringed at his words.

"All is well. Thanks for asking. The team has chosen the side when they decided that I didn't deserve the truth." you flinched, remembering how no one bothered to tell you what Bucky was doing, even though they knew. It's not like you blamed them for his cheating, but you didn't need friends who let you get cheated on for months.

Matthew could tell from the short interaction that this was your ex-boyfriend, the asshole who cheated on you.

"Hey. I'm James." Matthew knew that James had put out a hand to shake, but he didn't bother shaking it.

"Yeah right uh I better get going." Bucky scratched the back of his head with the hand he reached out to shake the obviously blind man's hand. He needed to leave as fast as he could to stop embarrassing himself.

"You okay?" Matt asked you when you got further away from the restaurant.

"Not really, but I will be. I was just surprised you know, I didn't expect to see him. He really hurt me and I haven't talked to him since I left and I-" you took a deep breath trying to calm yourself not wanting to cry in the middle of the street.

"He hurt me so much, and I'm unable to hate him. He was my first real love, and what he did made me feel awful about myself, but I can't bring myself to hate him. What's wrong with me? "

Matt was the first person who was there for you after the break up, and you didn't really expect to date so soon after having,who you thought was the love of your life, break your heart. He was a stranger, first, neighbour, then a good friend and finally someone who you now called lover.

"Darling... Nothing is wrong with you. It's okay to have so many mixed feelings. The thing he did is really fucking shitty, but that's not the only thing he did. You two had been together for a long time and been through so much, he's not just some guy you never cared about so you could hate him."

Matt wipes a tear from your cheek and you look up at him, both because what he's saying means a lot and because he swore and you don't hear him swear that often.

"I do hope he knows what he lost. You're such an incredible woman, a force to be reckoned with. And the love you offer is not to be taken for granted. I know we haven't been together for long, but It was so easy to fall in love with you."

By the time he's finished your fully crying into his chest, because you really needed to hear that.

"Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I can't say it back right now." You liked Matt a lot you really did, but you weren't ready for the L word yet.

"No need to thank me. And that's okay I'm not going anywhere, I understand. Now let's go home our food is getting cold." Matt takes you by the hand and leads you home.

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Bucky walks home the long way. He really wasn't ready for seeing you. He didn't realise how much he missed you and didn't expect that it would hurt so much seeing you with someone else.

Worst of all, he could tell that the guy you were with meant a lot to you, and that he was your safe place. When he saw how you reached for the guy when you needed comfort. That's what you used to do when you were with him too.

Bucky wondered if that guy knows how lucky he is to have you because Bucky didn't know until he lost you. He'll never forgive himself for letting his insecurities make choices for him. If he had only believed you that you wanted him forever. If only he didn't let himself spiral and convince himself that you would leave, maybe, just maybe he would still be the one holding you.

[The End]

a/n: I really hope you enjoyed reading this I had fun writing it <3 Let me know your thoughts! How are you feeling!

tags: @pattiemac1

[romanoffsbish]

Wrong Choice …

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

This is my honest approach to the jealousy trope, because if it was IRL, I’d like to think a lot of us would just be insecure, and far less brazen. (Not that I don’t love a good jealous / smutty coupling)

Warnings: Jealousy, Fighting, Mean words muttered in anger, Injured reader, poor communication. Insecurities: •Natasha—Fear of abandonment | •Reader—Fear of being cheated on (again) / Used

18+ | Minors DNI |

Smut: Daddy(R), Good Girl (N), ‘Oral’(N-Sucking off a strap/getting throat fucked), Riding (N-Strap), Nipple stimulation (N), Teasing(N/R), lightweight Subby Natty. Kinks: Bulge, Degradation, Cock warming. (This wasn’t even supposed to happen, this was going to be smutless)

Natasha Romanoff is an absolute flirt, it's a well established notion around the compound, her smirk alone had the potential to inspire a room full of sexual tension. It’s not entirely her fault, it's been engrained in her psyche from all her forced training that it's now just apart of her daily banter. Her particular skillset was how she eventually won you over, and after making things official with her over a year ago you'd thought all the flirting would stop with you, but boy were you completely wrong.

Standing in a corner of the tower with your cosmo in hand you were silently seething. Across the way was a sight you'd never wanted to see, but no matter how hard you tried to look away you just couldn't bring yourself to. There stood Natasha, the love of your life, with her hands on the sizable bicep of none other than Bucky—her former booty call, and it all made you feel incredibly small, as if you weren't enough for her anymore, or maybe it was that you simply never were.

———————————

When she asked you out you thought you were the luckiest girl alive, but now you realize you were holding onto a childish hope with her. Natasha was beyond gorgeous, and could have anyone she wanted, but she'd settled for you. Maybe this was her finally realizing that, and breaking up with you just slipped her mind, or better yet, maybe this was her way of doing it. Insecurities plagued your mind, your previous 'this is what you deserve,' and the 'you'll never find someone willing to stay,' mantras ringing throughout your head on a continual loop.

A stream of tears falls down your cheeks before you could stop them, memories of your last two relationships coming back in flashes, hitting you like a freight train, and the idea that it could be happening all over again made your stomach twist into unbearable knots. It hurt twice as bad since she knew all about your most recent previous relationship with Sharon; just enough to know that the woman was an asshole who took advantage of your never ending well of kindness, and that she deserved to disappear off the face of the Earth for ever making you cry like she always managed to do.

Your phone buzzing pulled you from your short lived pity party when it was Fury's name flashing across your screen., "Agent Y/L/N, care to assist Commander Hill on a mission tonight? I'm aware there's a party, but I'd —." The poor guy couldn't even finish his thoughts, "I'm on my way.," your voice dangerous as your feet carry you out of the tower and to your car; Natasha can surely find her own ride home, or better yet she can stay with Bucky, ride him for all you care and leave your apartment empty.

—

Natasha was holding the pose perfectly, the subtle, but not really subtle touch of the arm, paired with the exaggerated laughter, and the inappropriate amount of side boob on display. If she played her cards right you'd be ripping her from the soldier, and out of the party in no time to remind her just where she belongs; Beneath you, as your tongue was relentless with its attacks on her, the thought alone had her soaking through her undergarments.

Bucky however takes notice of you, he began to shake her off, "Natasha, your girlfriend looks hurt.," his heart stuttering at the sight of your clearly distorted face. "The whole point is to make them jealous! Steve's glaring daggers into my back right now, and Y/N's—." Bucky interrupts her, "Leaving..."

Natasha turns around so fast the soldier's metal arm has to catch her so that she doesn't wind up eating shit. The glimpse of your wet cheeks telling her she royally fucked up here, "No, why is she crying? I, this wasn't supposed to happen.," she looks to the soldier for clarity, "Natasha, do you not know the hell she's been through? Honestly, I never should've indulged in your silly game because now she's hurting. Sharon cheated on her in her own apartment, and Maritza did that and then some to the poor girl, and now here we are playing an immature game of jealousy to have a steamy night."

Natasha's already running as Bucky airs his grievances, grabbing her coat from the hanger and charging out of the thick doors just in time to hear tires screech, and to see your brake lights as you tear out of the compound lot. Natasha's anxiety was through the roof, she wasn't even considering the prospect of a  negative reaction, but fuck did she feel stupid now after the full picture was before her.

——

Natasha has been unavailable to the world, every phone call ignored, and though most can figure out where she is, they know better than to just show up at your apartment and get her. It had been a week since she last saw you, even longer since she got to hold you or to feel your lips due to just returning from her own mission, and her already fragile heart was breaking more and more everyday. Nobody knew where you went, and if they did they surely weren't telling her, so she'd taken up a permanent residence on your couch. Marvin your calico appreciated the company, or at least he did up until she began to use him as a living tissue for her nonstop well of tears.

It was about 2pm on a Friday when she heard keys jangling in the door, her eyes widening at the state of herself, and the surrounding mess taking over the living room of the apartment. Food wrappers of all kinds covered the coffee table next to her gallon of water, she smiled goofily at the thought of you being proud of her for staying hydrated, but then reality sunk back in, and she remembered how hurt you looked when you left without a word that night.

When the door finally creaked open she stood up from her permanently molded spot on your couch, taking in a steadying breath as she was anticipating seeing your face as it rounded the corner., "Sestra, Jeez, you look like the shit!," The redhead's shoulders deflated at the sight of Yelena, and she wondered if this was your way of breaking the news to her that you weren't ever coming back, and though she tried to fight it off she began to hyperventilate to the thought of you never returning to her.

Dreams were not much of a factor for her previously, but something about the way you smiled at her inspired her to live life like it was hers for the taking, and with you she soon realized it genuinely was. Life with you was everything she had ever wanted, and more ; even without discussing the future in too much detail in fear of rushing you, or coming off too strong she knew she wanted you there for every possible milestone there was to come.

Every first that ever counted to her was with you, no one had ever taken such care with her before, and though you weren't her first, you were the first person to make love to her. You'd reassured her when she hesitated that there was no rush, and you stayed true to your words as you took your time cherishing her. Every other encounter she has ever had was rough, and rushed as they used her for their own selfish needs then left come morning. She'd burst into tears about halfway through, you were nothing if not gentle, and it was then that she knew she was safe with you.

Something as mundane as having her morning coffee became an adventure for her; the both of you dancing around the other in the kitchen, sharing soft touches, and stealing glances while preparing for your separate days full of work. The morning routine almost always ended the same, you would be sat on the counter with Natasha stood in between your legs, your face in her hands as she slowly made out with you until the very last possible second, sometimes she'd even rationalized being late for just a few more minutes with you.

Silence had always been something that really bothered her, countless nights chained to a bed in the red-room where all she could hear were the leaky pipes, squeaks of mice, and cries of her fellow widows enough to make her wary. Then she came to learn over time that it was something you needed after a long day of work; you'd be tending to your shrubbery while she lounged on your soft recliner with a good book. No words were spoken, but the silence wasn't terrifying with you, the atmosphere was warm, and beyond welcoming; Marvin's purrs, pages shifting, and water trickling would be the only thing heard throughout the hour, and it never ceased to calm her chronically frantic mind.

You were her calm in every storm.

Everyone who was supposed to protect her, and to love her had left her behind like it was the easiest thing to do, and it was always a sore spot for her; that's why it took her three years to let you in, and now she's faced with losing you in much the same way, and she can't do it. What hurts her the most though is knowing it would've been her fault this time; that her sunshine was actually gone all because she was trying to spice up an already amazing enough sex life by means of pointless jealousy.

Yelena watched her sister collapse to the floor, of course she knew why, and though it hurt to see her so visibly broken she also struggled to find any sympathy for the redhead. Still, she lowered herself to the floor and held her close while her body violently shook with sobs., "Lena, where is she?! I-I want to tell her I'm sorry, it was all so stupid, and now she's gone.," Yelena hummed in acknowledgment, one hand on her sister's back as she traced calming circles while her other was extending out to reach for your baby cactus., "Da sestra, you are indeed very stupid, she'll come back, but that doesn't mean you deserve her forgiveness."

Natasha sobbed even louder at the harsh truth her sister unleashed, and Yelena slowly moved the cactus beneath her sister's cheek in a sly attempt to do as you'd asked of her., "I know, but—.," Natasha paused as something harsh brushed against her face., "Lena, what the hell are you doing?," Yelena looked at her sister as if it was the most obvious thing., "Y/N asked me to come over to refill Marvin's automatic feeder, and to water the plants, so since you were crying so many of the rivers I thought I'd kill two pigs, with the one pebble."

Natasha blinks away the remaining tears, her sisters words turning her off from her own grief., "So she has access to her phone then?," the question slips out and Yelena simply nods, always having refused to lie to either one of you for the other, regardless of the circumstances.

Natasha laughs, the short and bitter rumbling in her chest a bit of a shock to the blonde., "So, instead of facing me she's hiding? Leaving me to cry myself to sleep every night without even a text to let me know she's alive?!" Yelena was quick to stand as her sisters anger festered, moving around your apartment rather quickly in an attempt to avoid her sister's wrath, but it wasn't working,, "I can't fucking believe her! She didn't even talk to me about it! She just ran off like a big fucking baby, that's it, I'm dating an actual child.. When did that happen?! Maybe this was a sign, yeah? That nothing good is ever meant to last, and I should just put an end to the misery now."

Yelena dropped the bag of kibbles onto the floor much to Marvin's delight, in three quick strides she was face to face with her sister, and though her face was neutral she was pissed., "No Natalia, you don't get to be mad here, you tried to make the already insecure woman jealous, and it's not like it was a random floozy, no, it was your ex fuck buddy Bucky Barnes.," Yelena's hands were gripping onto her sister's shoulders tightly, shaking her with every word.

"Running was her defense mechanism, it's called fight or flight, and you triggered it by bringing back up her falsehoods of never being enough.," Natasha shook out of the hold and fell back onto the couch in a shamed silence., "Do you know how many nights I had held her trembling body after Sharon and Maritza?," Yelena was crying herself as she recalled it all, "Then I put all my trust in you to take care of her heart, and somehow after a year of success you just fucked it all up, then have the nerve to act like the jilted party here because she's taking her time with forgiving you."

Natasha just looks up at her sister as if she were a wounded puppy, and the blonde sighs., "If anything you should be proud of her Nat, because the old Y/N would've come running back to you without a single doubt, and I would have resented you for it had you let her do it." The redhead nods, and settles her cheek atop of her bent knees, eyes returning to the TV once more and the blonde takes that as her sign to go, leaving with a kiss to her forehead, and a text message sent to you.

—

*Go home, and either fix this or set her free.*

It's not that you didn't want to go home, because you missed your own bed like crazy. It's that you felt like an idiot for just running out, and accepting a mission in a fit of anger. You'd been completely off your game, and Maria wound up having you replaced after the third day when you took a bullet to the left shoulder that left you incapable of helping.

Being in the shield medical wing in a foreign country left you with a lot of time to think, and to read all of Natasha's hundreds of messages where you were able to not only see, but feel the desperation as it jumped off of the screen and settled into your cracked open heart. Regardless of her thoughtless flirting, you felt inclined to forgive her as it didn't take you much reading to realize her true intentions. You'd refused to have the conversation over text though, because so much gets lost through digital communication, and you wouldn't want anything else to go wrong.

Fortunately for the sake of your relationship Maria promised she'd pick you up today, the mission proving rather successful even with your hiccup, and you were relieved for that. The relief was short lived as the next wave of anxiety rolled through you, and it was directly linked to having to face Natasha after a week of inexplicable silence, Yelena's text didn't help you to stay calm, nor did watching the angry footage from your home security cameras.

Nonetheless, you loaded into the jet with a nervous smile on your face, and spent the entire three hours in the air going over what you should say. Much to Maria's dismay too as she was forced to play the role of a soundboard. When she was shoving you out of the jet faster than you could unbuckle with the excuse of mission reports you were chuckling, then for the fun of it all, or to simply call her bluff you texted Fury 'You're welcome for the increased productivity, expect Hill's reports by 5pm.,' You knew how much the commander hated all the paperwork, her usual excuses were actually pretty funny but you felt she deserved this slight for being so pushy.

The uplifted mood was short lived when you climbed into your car, excruciating jolts of pain radiated all throughout your body as you were forced to use your shoulder to drive around, but once you got settled on the road the pain had faded. It just couldn't compete with your stuttering heart the closer you got to your apartment. You'd taken the long way to give yourself time to calm down, even stopping off for a quality bottle of vodka and loads of snacks in preparation for the hypothesized long night.

Entering your own place had never been a point of stress before—come to think of it, neither had talking to your beautiful redhead. This is the first official form of dissension to ever arise in your otherwise solid relationship. Sure, you've definitely had arguments over the little thing; like cleaning up after oneself, or Marvin's diet, but it always ended the same—with cuddles and laughter as Natasha would grumble that her bra does indeed belong on the coat rack, and you'd reluctantly concede that five pieces of salami as a treat for 'being adorable,' was a bit much for the lazy feline.

The both of you were insanely stubborn, opinionated women who took their time in falling but subsequently loved really hard. Which really only leaves room for two routes, this will either be resolved instantaneously or it will become a heated blowout, and you just hope that if it's the latter that it doesn't mean everything is coming to an end, because now that the anger had faded you couldn't seem to imagine your life without the woman.

She was the woman of your dreams after all.

After shaking out some nerves you steadily put the key into the knob, quietly opened the door, then nearly collapsed at the sight of your space. A week, in seven days time she'd managed to make it a filthy mess, it was rather impressive. Funny too, because nobody else knew that she was a slob, her record for being all put together would crumble if you just sent Tony a picture. Shaking your head of the deadly idea you move in to pet an impatient Marvin behind the ears, then peer into the living room to see Natasha.

She was sleeping, you'd say peacefully but the tear stained cheeks, and body tremors gave way to the truth that she was in total misery. Settling your items onto the counter you pulled down two shot glasses in preparation then left it all on the counter so you could approach the love of your life without needing booze first., "Tasha...," she shifted, even grumbled some, but she remained asleep., "Honey, I need you to wake up, I think it's about time we talked."

Natasha was deep in a nightmare, one where you had that exact talk, and it wasn't anywhere close to as sweet as you're trying to be. It was an all out screaming match, and your words were haunting: 'A natural heartbreaker, you don't deserve me, and more to the point you're unlovable.,' 'You're just the common man's whore Natalia, always eager to please, a total fucking slut.,' 'Hope whoring yourself out was worth it Nat, because you've lost me for good.'

Your last words being, 'Get out, and never come back, you're no longer welcome here!,' was what officially did her in.

The phrases were so unlike you, deep down she even knew it was a horrid dream, but she just couldn't bring herself out of it, nor could she stop herself from believing every single word. How could she when they were her own thoughts being projected at her by your form? In real time her body was violently shaking, tears dripped down her face as she whimpered vaguely audible pleas, 'No. Please...,' The sight of her so broken was beyond devastating, and guilt began to gnaw at you for ever thinking silence was the best remedy to the situation.

Sadly your soft approach wasn't working, no amount of light shaking or whispered comfort brought her out of it, so in a desperate attempt to awaken her you slapped her across the face. Her reddened cheek only deepened at the sheer force you used, and in a perfect display of karma you were laid out on the floor with how abruptly she sat up; wincing as your shoulder took the brunt of the impact, and groaning as it consequently throbbed. Natasha's bleary eyes downcast to your pained form on the floor, and without much thought she jumped on you, only furthering your pain, but this time you did your best to mask it in favor of comforting her.

No words were said while you laid on the hardwood floor, holding tightly to Natasha's sobbing form all while whispering reassurances to the clearly distressed Avenger., "It's okay...," "You're going to be alright honey, I got you...," "It wasn't real, this is real, can you feel that? Whatever you saw it was a lie, your brain was tricking you, please, come back to me love.," With each soft phrase her body began to relax, her sobs faded into sniffles, and she somehow nuzzled even further into your chest for the much needed comfort.

Once you felt she was calm enough you decided now was a great time as any to cut the silence., "I'm so sorry for leaving honey, it's no excuse but something broke in me when I saw you and Bucky so close together. It was like all those years where I silently pined after you, where you had always kept me at an arms length, but now that I finally had you the idea that you were bored already really twisted me up.," While you sighed you felt her body tense., "Your messages told me quickly that I had read too far into things, but it didn't change how it made me feel, just made me regret my actions. It was too late to come back though, I'd been in Italy, stuck in their medbay...,"

Natasha cut off your speech with how quickly she lifted her head to peer down at you, lip trembling when she saw the fading scratches on your face, and her hands began to roam before you quickly cut their search off with a gentle grabbing of her wrists., "Angel, I'm okay now, please just let me finish up my thoughts.," Natasha melted into you again as you kissed her wrists, her willingness to fight at an all time low., "I really didn't know how to respond, and texting just felt so cheap, and a call impersonal. Now though, I realize even a simple text of 'Talk soon love.,' would have brought you some peace of mind, and I'm sorry I deprived you of that. I know that you're sorry too, I forgive you Natty, and I hope that you can forgive me too."

A loud sob broke from her chest at your words, your readiness to forgive her was both a relief and a stab to the gut as she felt undeserving. Her eyes shone with the various emotions as she pulled back to gaze into your honest pair. Her gaze fell to your lips for a millisecond, and you caught the longing in her eyes, so without anymore words you raised your hands up to cup her cheeks, wiping away her tears as you warmly smiled up at her before settling them behind her neck, and pulling her in for the kiss you'd both desperately needed all week long.

Natasha whimpers at the feel of your soft lips on hers, eagerly parting them as soon as your tongue had swiped across her lower lip, and she moaned once your tongue slid across hers. Her hands reflexively curled around and pulled at the hem of your shirt, causing you to pull back with a breathless chuckle as she moves to chase your lips,. "Baby, either you want my lips or you want my shirt off, now make a choice.," she narrows her eyes at you and softly huffs, but she leans back to allow you room to sit up. 

Her hands return to the bottom of your shirt as soon as you're upright, then everything stops when she pulls it over your head and though you tried to hide it, it was of no use as she hears the shallow breath you take in, her eyes fall from your face to your stitched shoulder. Fresh hot tears immediately return to her eyes, and you see as the guilt washes right over her., "Natty, I'm fine, it's just an itty bitty scratch.," Her shaky fingers traced over the surface of the clear bandage, and her lip began to tremble.

"It's my fault...," her croaky voice gave way to just how little she'd actually used it, and just how much she'd been crying, your heart was back to aching as you gripped her chin to bring her eyes back to yours as you spoke., "No!" Natasha went to rebut but the stern look in your eyes told her it was pointless, and you were grateful to her easy submission.

"It's not your fault Tasha.," you reassured her as you moved to kiss her cheek., "I'm okay.," her tears falling into the bow of your lip, and you continue to whisper the words, oscillating between her cheeks until she ceases to cry., "This was a miscalculation, and it was mine.," you conclude, then with your hold on her back you pull her back in to pick the mood back up, and to cut her many contradicting thoughts off.

Natasha squeals as you suddenly use your arm to then hoist her over your good shoulder, she dangles freely as you get to your feet. Emerald eyes full of wonder are glued to your backside, and her hands almost move of their own accord as they joyously squeeze at your covered asset, "Hey!," your nervous hearts settles when she only giggles at your weak warning shake, and just simply continues to knead at your ass.

The atmosphere in the room shifts when you toss her onto your bed, her eyes shamelessly trail down your exposed torso, and they only widen when she notices the bonus appendage poking out against the fabric of your pants. Once her eyes finally trail back up they find your blown out ones staring back, but your expression is starkly different, almost stern., "Let's discuss the real problem shall we?"

She quirks her brow at you, but regardless of the overall confusion she nods desperately, hopeful that if she was compliant that you'd give it to her., "Well, my sweet girl needed my cock, I was too clueless to see it was all just a cry for my attention...," Natasha had to fight the scowl that tried to consume her face, even if you were telling the unfiltered truth, all this teasing about it still promptly annoyed her., "Funny too, because all you had to do was ask. I'd wanted to fuck you the moment you got back, but then you were ushering me off to Stark's fiftieth gala of the year with silly plans of your own, because sometimes my sweet girl only thinks with her needy pussy huh?"

As if on cue Natasha's thighs are rubbing in search of friction, your hands were quick to throw them back open, as you settled your leg in between to prevent further disobedience., "I'm not into the whole jealousy thing, I don't need it to handle you properly...," you mused, and Natasha gulps when your hands shove her down by her shoulders so that she's flat and beneath you as you are now hovering over her.

"Tell me though baby, who do you belong to? Seems you might've needed the refresher." Your name dies in her throat when you sink your teeth into her neck, you lick over the mark to soothe the irritated skin then lowly chuckle, "I'm sorry love, I didn't quite catch that, wanna repeat it for me?," Natasha glares up at your now smirking face, but your quirked brow in warning has her smoothing out her features just as fast., "I'm all yours daddy... Mind, body, heart, soul... Every piece of me belongs to you."

Your heart wholeheartedly warms at her honest words, but you keep your face teasing as the title she used fuels your lust ridden mind., "Daddy's girl can be so smart sometimes..." you tease, rolling the covered bulge against her for emphasis on your intentions, and it proves to work well when her hands fist at the sheets., "Tell daddy what you want baby, seems you're finally learning how to properly communicate."

Everything about the moment is overwhelming for the redhead; the way you're speaking to her has her mind and panties a wholly mess, all of your subtle touches prove to be too much, but in the same turn they're somehow not enough, and it's left her to squirm about as she tries her hardest to formulate words since you are willfully ignoring her bodies obvious answer., "I-I.," she swallows thickly when looking into your blackened eyes, all the color muffled by the lust coursing through you., "I need you to be inside me, please, just fuck me daddy..."

Natasha whines as you teasingly chuckle, her eyes tracking your every move, you lean into her, lips ghosting over hers while maintaining steady eye contact with the absolute beauty., “Suck daddy off baby, get my cock ready for your pretty pussy, then I’ll let you ride me.,” Natasha wastes absolutely no time, she surges forward to attach her lips to yours, and her hands wrap around you to flip your positions. Gentle as can be too, she makes sure that when your body slams into the mattress that your shoulder isn’t affected, and as she pulls you both into a sitting position she manages to prop an abundance of pillows behind you so that you’re not straining your muscles.

The care she shows you even in the heat of the moment has your heart swelling two sizes, but when watching her slip onto the floor with your sweats so smoothly you’re back in the moment. Natasha smirks up at you with her bottom lip caught between her teeth while her hand toys around with your strap, playing up the act of jerking you off, and you groan as she pushes down, causing the harness to rub you just right. Natasha’s eyes remain locked on yours as she runs her tongue over the tip teasingly, and you give her the silly moment, enjoying the little play for power, but you both know it’s all yours.

“Such a silly girl, you do know it’s only you who suffers right? Tease me all you want baby, but that just means it’ll be ages until I fuck you.,” You laugh out mockingly, settling even further into your pillows while watching her eyes widen with the realization, and you wink when she gives in, wrapping her lips around the tip and begins to bob up and down the faux shaft., “Such a good fucking girl, you look so hot when you’re on your knees for me.,” her loud gags every time that you jut your hips upwards aides you on your journey towards your release.

Natasha mewls when you take over for her, a hand tightly gripping her by her hair, and you relentlessly slam her head down while your hips ruthlessly fuck the strap down her throat. The sight of her at your complete mercy has you reaching your peak with a loud groan after only a few more harsh thrusts. Your hand slips from her matted hair, and Natasha slowly pulls herself off the dildo with a loud pop, a trail of spit keeping her connected to you until she’s leaning back all the way, her ass settling on her heels while she works on catching her breath.

She watches you through hooded eyes as you do much in the same, recovering from your glorious high, and just the sight of you in a blissed out state had her squirming excitedly for her promised reward. She can feel just how affected she is by your domineering actions, her slick actively dripping down her thighs and onto your carpet showing her as much.

You can feel her staring up at you, and you have to fight off a knowing smirk so as to not give yourself away. The goal is to have her so incredibly needy that she can’t take it anymore, and you don’t even have to wait long before her hands settle on your thighs with a harsh grip, a wordless whimper leaving her lips. “Mm…,” you hum to let her know you hear her, then you open your eyes to find a masterpiece; those doe eyes full of silent need, her disheveled red hair, and those plump, bruised lips that shine.

The both of you are having a curious stare off, Natasha was being so incredibly good as she humored you with feigned patience, but with one curl of your pointer finger she’s on you., “Sweet girl, go ahead, a promise is a promise.,” Natasha smiles at your granted permission, you return the gesture as you share a moment of gentleness, your lips sealing the pure feeling, and catching the hot moan of your lover as she slides down your cock with embarrassing ease.

Natasha bounces rhythmically atop of you with her hands on your shoulders, her head thrown back with her mouth agape in a state of bliss. With your right hand on her lower back you keep her steadied while she shamelessly uses you to work herself up, moving like a madman who’d been deprived of all forms of touch, and you feel that delicious pit in your stomach steadily tightening at the idea of being used by such a powerful woman such as herself.

Natasha arches into you even further when your tongue flicks over her nipple, while a set of fingers pinches at the other, her breathing becomes more erratic the longer you play with her breasts, and she rips your lips away to slam against her own when she just can’t take it anymore., “Daddy, I-I need to cum, please.,” Your hands move to her hips., “Let go then.,” you murmur before your tongue moves to explore her mouth, you then roughly lift her up, and slam her back down while also jutting upwards, your strap goes into her so deeply that you can actually feel when the soft skin of her hips beneath your thumbs tightens as her belly forcefully bulges out.

It intrigues you immensely, your entire body in relative awe when you pull away from the lips of your lover to catch sight of the bulge. Natasha’s entire body spasms when you don’t stop, unrelenting in your need to continue to see this phenomenon, and so for the final time you’d offer a resistance by pushing down on it. Resulting in an intense jolt of her body as she screamed into your neck, her rather sudden orgasm came flooding out, and in a show of absolute synchronization yours does too, but this wasn’t supposed to be about you anymore. You held onto her hips tightly, just taking a moment to revel at the sight of the deliriously beautiful, panting mess that perfectly resided in your stronghold.

Rolling off the pillows you push her into the mattress, continuing to slowly rock your hips, allowing her the chance to prolong the orgasm and for it to come to an end at a leisurely pace. You watch closely as her expressive face tells you exactly when to cease your movements., “Oh baby, you look so tired…,” you coo, and she whines when you move to pull out of her, but the fight is superficial as your words reign true.

“I’ll tell you what my sweet girl… I’m going to go get us a snack, and grab your half finished gallon of water, I’m so proud of you honey.,” Natasha smiles victoriously as you praise her before sweetly pecking her on the lips, then she cries when your warmth is gone from over., “Ah-ah, Don’t whine now baby…,” you warned, her face instinctually neutralizes, and you smile as you feel somewhat accomplished.

“After we take care of ourselves, and you show me my very best girl I’ll let you cock warm daddy so we can take our well deserved nap. When I eventually wake up, I’ll then reawaken you by relentlessly fucking you into the next morning, sound fair?” Natasha frantically nods, and so you rush off to work your magic.

Returning in record speed with a plate full of garlic hummus and various means of foods to use for dipping, you feed the tired woman until she’s pushing your hand away much like a baby, and you chuckle at the show of delirium., “All done? Use your big girl words.,” you tease, and though beyond tired she’d still managed to narrow her eyes at you, and you playfully stick your tongue out at her before settling your lips to hers in a play for distraction.

Natasha happily sighs against your chest when you reenter her with minimal effort, and you sigh once your body is perfectly molded to her., “Detka…,” you tiredly hum in a nod for her to go on., “I’m so sorry, and please let me say it. You didn’t deserve—.,” your finger settles over her lips, and she groans at the silencing., “Natty, apologize to me later if you must, I’m too spent to properly address you, and that isn’t really fair to either of us. Come morning time I promise I’ll accept it all the same, so sh.”

Natasha settled into the mattress, slinging a blanket over your conjoined, naked body, and her arms wrapped around you protectively., “Sweet dreams detka, I love you.,” you tiredly smiled and kissed her bare chest., “I love you most my sweet girl, rest up, because I promise my dreams will be anything but sweet.”

Truth be told there was still a lot to hash out, but that seems like a tomorrow problem for the more level headed versions of the both of you. You’re more than content in the lusty bubble, and don’t wish to ruin the highs with hurt feelings, and Natasha’s submission tells you she’s on the same page as you.

Of all the ways this could’ve played out you’re just happy it was your fantasy third option, and that most of the tears were pleasurable…

—————————————————————

6,457 Words

(I can’t imagine I missed any warnings but do always tell me if I did, so I can be able to better protect you in the long run-even in an anon message if you’re not comfortable with a comment 💋)

😳 — 💋

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[donutloverxo]

Before you

*not my gif*

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - this was requested by the lovely @whimsicalrogers thanks for all the icons, lock screen and dividers you made me! Thanks for the beta and all your advice @stargazingfangirl18. I hope I do you all proud🤭

Summary - Yours and Steve's relationship was perfect, until it wasn't. Will he be able to convince you to give him another chance?

Warnings - smut (m/f), jealousy, angst, dom/sub undertones.

Pairing - Steve Roger x reader

Word count - 4552

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

As someone who grew up watching an unhealthy amount of Disney movies and romcoms, you couldn’t help but dream, that someday your prince charming would come riding in on a white horse to whisk you away from your boring mundane life.

Someone you could love and hold forever, who’d do the same for you. Someone who’d always be there for you, to pick you up when you fall, to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. Someone who’d be your everything and treat you as if you’re the most special person in the whole world.

But adulthood killed all those dreams all too easily. You learned the hard way that people didn’t really belong to each other. They barely even listened to when another person was talking.

You thought you came close a couple of times, but you never did find your special person. Everyone walks on their paths alone. And maybe it was better that way. You weren’t sure if you could ever completely open up and give yourself to someone else.

That was until Steve came along. He was someone as lost as you and even lonelier. Finding himself in a world he no longer recognised and among people he couldn’t really trust. It didn’t take that long for him to trust you.

You had put on Snow White which was Steve’s favorite from back in his day. You couldn’t help but insert yourself in the fairy-tale. After all Steve did always call you his princess.

“Steve?” You mumbled into his chest laying on top of him as the end credits played.

“Yes, sugar?” He replied running his hands through your hair before drawing small soothing patterns on your back.

He only had to move his nose an inch to smell your hair and get a whiff of your soft soothing scent. Who knew something so simple could be so blissful.

As much as he loved taking you out on the town and courting you to show you a good time and do all the things he never thought he could, he also loved spending these quiet evenings in with you. Where it was just him and you, the rest of the world just seemed to disappear. He wouldn’t trade them for anything.

“Never mind,” You shook your head. ‘It’s soon. You���ll scare him off.’ That incessant annoying voice in your head said.

“Hey,” He propped your chin up to make you look at him. His heart melted at your glossy eyes. So vulnerable and sensitive. Maybe it was what drew him to you. Your ability to be so sweet and wear your heart on your sleeve. Something he never could do. “What is it?” He asked lowly caressing your cheek. Not wanting to push you too much but he couldn’t really help himself when you looked so sad either.

“Do you think...” You whispered and licked your lips “We’ll be together forever. Like them.” You picked at the threads on his shirt too scared to look at him.

He smiled down at you. Getting up to sit straight and adjust you properly in his lap. “I know we will sweetheart.” He said confidently as if it was a fact.

You looked up at him still holding onto his shirt, as if he’d disappear if you let go for even a second “And do you think you’ll always love me?” You wanted to know.

“Yes, I’m sure of it. Where is this even coming from?” He frowned “I know... I don’t always do a good job of showing you I love you. This is new to me. I’ve never had a girlfriend.” And like the dork that he was he couldn’t help the goofy grin he made every time he referred to you as his girl “But I’ll do better,” He promised and pressed a long lingering kiss on your forehead to seal it. He cleared his throat to ask “What do you think I should do better?”

“No. You’re amazing, Steve, you don’t need to change.” You said giving his plump pink lips a quick peck “It’s just scary. How much I love you and how it can all go away if I’m not careful. People break up everyday and over the stupidest of things or over nothing. I don’t want that to be us.” You sighed unloading all your anxieties.

He nodded taking your words in “I understand. I’m scared of losing you too. More than you’ll ever know.” He paused looking for the best words “What we can do is maybe talk about such things?” He slowly suggested rocking you back and forth in his arms.

You happily tucked your head in the crook of his neck, hugging him close to you. Falling for his sweet words and him. Convinced that nothing would come between you both.

***

He got down on one knee not long after to pop the big question with an even bigger diamond to really show you how committed he was.

You were on cloud nine. You felt nothing could ever bring you down that you only had happier times to look forward to.

Until one fateful day, you didn’t realise it then but it was probably when everything started going to hell, Sharon Carter got back from her year long mission in Europe.

You were only an accountant working for the Avengers. Being so close to Steve did give you some influence, which you were ashamed of liking a bit too much, but no one was ever really scared of you. You heard chatter about her and your Steve. And how now he would surely ditch his ‘normal and plain fiancé'. They never tried that hard to hide it from you. They probably thought you weren’t here for the long haul.

“Hey Angie” You nervously called for your desk mate. “Why is everyone so obsessed with Steve and Agent Carter?”

“Oh you mean Staron?” She grinned before frowning, “Oh I’m sorry! That’s just what people call them. Not me though! You know how hard I ship you two.” She squeezed your shoulder in order to console you.

“Yeah but why? I mean did they use to date or something...” You trailed off knowing that it was something you should be asking your fiancé not your co-worker.

You had tried a couple of times but you were too afraid to come off as jealous or controlling. That was the last thing you wanted to be. You expected him to give you enough space to be your own person, so it’d only be fair for you to do the same.

“I don’t really know.” She stroked her chin as if in thought “You’ll just have to ask Captain Rogers. Nothing was ever confirmed they were just rumors. Even I’ll admit they would make gorgeous blonde babies. But girl! You don’t have anything to worry about! You’re the one who has the ring.” She tried her best to assure you but the seeds of doubt and fear had taken roots in your mind.

Steve assured you that there was never anything between them. They flirted with the idea of dating for a while before she went away, he doubted there’d ever be anything between them. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Not when he’s so madly in love with you.

He was so convincing and charming.

The things that set him apart from everyone else, which you loved about him, were his honesty and loyalty. He blamed his Ma and 1920s raising but you didn’t care. He was perfect in your eyes. He didn’t need to fit in. Those things made him Steve Rogers. Your Steve.

***

You had never been more ashamed than when you went through Steve’s things to get some sort of clue. You went through his sketches to find if he was secretly harboring any kind of feelings about her. You only found sketches mostly consisting of you and the Avengers, some of Bucky and his mom.

You sighed in relief, but then, at the bottom of his drawer you found a sketch of Sharon drawn with charcoal pencil. You couldn’t help but cry tears of frustration and pain, tearing the sketch up and flushing it so he wouldn’t find out. You knew you made a grave mistake, even as you started snooping you knew nothing good would come out of it, yet you couldn’t help yourself. In the end you only upset yourself.

Steve got back from work shortly after with your favorite take out, he kissed you hello. He knew something was up but you simply lied and chalked it up to pms or something.

He was ever so understanding. Giving you a nice massage and drawing you a bath. You decided then, that you wouldn’t look for anything anymore. If Steve was being unfaithful you didn’t want to know. You’d rather live in this beautiful peaceful bubble of ignorance.

***

The next few months were tough. All your wedding planning had taken a backseat as Steve had started to look for his friend Bucky, who also happened to be the winter soldier, with Sam and Sharon.

You didn’t really have an answer when your mother pestered you about going wedding shopping. You didn’t know how to tell her that you doubted if there would be a wedding at all. It would break her heart. Especially after she had come to love Steve as much as you did.

You never complained. How could you? The whole world needed him much more than you ever could. And he didn’t seem to need you anymore.

He never had to have time for you anymore. Late nights at the offices, long missions with Sharon.

One rare night he was home for dinner, you were too busy sulking in your self pity to actually enjoy his company after he’d deprived you of it for so long.

You chose to give him the silent treatment, not speaking more than two words to him. He noticed. Of course he did, Captain America, always so perceptive and smart.

He tried to pry answers out of you for a while before his phone started ringing and he excused himself to go pick it up.

“Why do you always go into the other room to take your calls?” You asked when he got back placing his phone down on the table. Playing with your food not having the strength to look him in the eye and confront him.

He visibly stiffened at the underlying accusation in your question. He had grown annoyed of having the same discussion with you again and again. But he decided to bite his tongue. It was his job to make you feel secure in your relationship.

“It’s confidential information, doll. You know that.” He sighed.

You hummed “But you can tell me who you were speaking to right?” You finally looked up and you wished you hadn’t. He clearly wasn’t happy, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown and his jaw clenched, how you hated confrontation. Not that you ever thought you’d be confronting your Steve.

“It was Sharon.” He spit.

“Of course.” You scoffed going back to staring at your food as he rolled his eyes.

“What do you want me to say? I know you aren’t exactly fond of her but I’m not going to lie just to make you happy. Because that’s not who I am! I don’t lie.” He ranted holding up his phone “Why don’t you go through it? Maybe that will make you happy.”

You shook your head rejecting his offer. Even though you were tempted to, you knew Steve was smart. He was Captain America for gods sake. He’d know how to cover his tracks. If he didn’t want you to find something, you probably wouldn’t.

So you finished your dinner, angrily stuffing the food in your mouth while sneering at him and then left him to do the dishes.

You put yours and Steve's laundry in the washer. Even though you were salty with him you still did your half of the chores. Checking his pockets for any receipts or bills. But then you saw what looked like a shinning golden thread. You pulled at it to find that it was a long blonde hair. Which was clearly not yours.

You thought of going to Steve with it. But if you had to hear another one of his lame excuses you’d probably drown yourself.

So, for the first time, you simply went to bed angry with him. When he tried to talk to you, you retorted with a snarky or hurtful comment or didn’t speak at all. You knew just how crazy that would drive him.

***

You groaned for the fifteenth time in the past hour, your leg impatiently shaking under the table. He was an hour late. He was someone who took pride in always being punctual and sharp, clearly you weren’t important enough for him to consider your feelings. You decided to pick up your phone and call him.

“Where are you?!” You hissed as soon as he picked up. Too angry to even bother to say hello.

“I’m at work. I’m so sorry, doll, I won’t be able to make it. Something important came up.” He apologized. His voice laced with guilt. Which would’ve been enough to convince you maybe a month or so ago, but at this point he had missed far too many dinners and dates.

“Right. Of course. More important than me obviously.” You rolled your eyes.

“You know that’s not true – "

“You didn’t even bother calling me” You screamed into your phone.

“I did call.” He sighed “You didn’t pick up and I’m kinda busy right now.”

“Yeah I didn’t pick up! I was cooking a meal for our anniversary! You know what? I don’t care because you clearly don’t either.” You said hanging up without giving him a chance to speak.

You had packed some of the leftovers up for Steve but you decided to dump them all in the bin. He didn’t deserve your cooking.

You haphazardly threw the tupperware in the sink. Torn between punching a wall and hugging a pillow to cry out all your frustrations. You chose to rigorously scrub and wash the dishes.

Having spent some of your excess energy you sat in front of your dresser, putting some petroleum jelly on your palms to sooth the burn.

You sighed at the sight of your sparkly diamond. You couldn’t bear to look at it anymore. It reminded you of a happier and simpler time. The last thing you wanted was a complicated or dramatic relationship.

As you slid the ring off your finger placing it in your jewellery box, you couldn’t help but ponder on whether it was just as much of your fault as well.

You started packing your clothes into a small bag. Maybe you could spend a few nights at your mothers house until you can clear your head.

***

Steve hastily opened your apartment door with his keys. “Honey, I’m home.” He called out for you.

He rubbed his face, a nervous pit forming in his stomach. He knew he had been prioritising his work over you for weeks now, he didn’t know the extent of it until you told him off on the phone and then didn’t pick up any of his calls. He asked Sam to cover for him for the night as he made his way back home.

His enhanced hearing picked up on movements in the bedroom, he followed the sounds of your rustling, tossing his jacket on the couch.

His worst fears came true as he looked at you carelessly stuffing your clothes in a cabin bag. You spared him a glance before zipping the bag up.

He took a deep breath, he had to say the right words before he fucks up the situation more than he already has. “Sweetheart –“

“Steve, I’m leaving. I think we should take a break,” Your voice cracking a bit but you tried to be resilient and strong, you sighed as you saw the heartbroken look on his face as his jaw dropped “it’s hard for me too but it’s just not working anymore.”

“Is it hard for you?” He spit. “Everyone has problems, I just need one more chance.”

“I won’t let you break my heart again.” You swallowed as you felt tears stream down your cheeks, you wiped them with the back of your hand. “I’ll always love you but I’m tired of being disappointed and suspicious and jealous. It’s not who I am, it’s not who I want to be.”

“Wh – what do you mean suspicious?” He asked as his brows furrowed.

“I think you know what I mean. I know I’m not like a model or a kickass spy or unique. But I still want to be special to someone. I’m so...simple. I thought that was enough for you and us.”

“What are you even talking about?” He lost his composure and calm as his eyes watered, blurring his vision, he held onto your forearms, needing your touch the most right now, as if you won't leave if he held on tight enough. “I’m not special either.”

To which you scoffed. “That’s debatable.”

“It’s true. Captain America is special. He’s the superhero. I’m just Steve.”

“I know that’s what you think,” You said shaking his hands off of you and staring at the floor, not bearing to look at him “But it’s not the reality. Captain America is a part of you. And I think... maybe Captain America deserves someone extraordinary like Agent 13.” You let out a humorless chuckle.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He asked in his stern Captain voice, clenching his fists having had about enough of this.

You stiffened as a shiver ran down your spine at his tone. He had never spoken to you like that. He reserved that tone for his teammates and subordinates, and more often than not Tony. But not you. You were his precious baby.

You felt as if you were compelled to look up at him, he wasn’t crying anymore but his jaw had hardened, his face and neck flushed red. “Sharon. I mean,” You took a deep breath “I know there’s nothing between you two... probably.” you whispered as he raised a brow at you.

“But your work and duty will always come first and I know it is a good thing. But it’s not what I want. I thought I could handle it, the whole world needing you more than me and coming before me,” You spoke so lowly but you knew he could hear you, “but I can’t. I don’t think I ever will. A break will put things into perspective for both of us.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He growled as you rolled your eyes. “How could you think those things? I need you more than anything else.” His anger was fuelled as you scoffed again, as if he was lying. “Don’t you dare hink that there’s anything past or present that I’d put before you. You’re the only thing that matters. I promise.”

“You may believe that, but your words only carry so much weight when they’re not followed up by actions. I know you’re not the cheating type,” You rambled pulling on your hair and sighing, it was all so overwhelming “I don’t know what to believe. When I go days without speaking to you – what else am I supposed to believe?”

He hesitantly snaked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, relieved that you didn’t stop him or push him away again, “Just give me one chance to prove myself. I know I’ll never be worthy of you but I don’t want us to give up so easily. Not without putting up a fight.” He gritted pulling your chin up as your hands played with the buttons on his shirt. “And you know how good I am at putting up a fight. I’ll always fight for you,” He smiled pulling your chin up to look at your pretty face.

“Okay,” You sniffled. “You’re always so good with words.” You smiled shaking your head.

He hummed at that. “I got you to go out with me, didn’t I?”

“What are you doing here anyway? Didn’t you have work?” you wanted to know.

He shushed you, pulling you into his chest and pressing his face in the crook of your neck. He craved your warmth and comfort especially after almost losing you. “I’ll never take you for granted again.” He nuzzled your neck before kissing it. “We can go venue hunting tomorrow. For the wedding.”

You smiled in his hold “Well I don’t know about that. Maybe the wedding planning can wait for a while.”

He hummed as he rested his chin on top of your head. He had his work cut out for him if he intended to keep you. He made a mental note of calling Tony first thing in the morning. “I hate it when we fight.” He said rocking you in his arms “But I like the making up part.”

You playfully smacked his chest. You just knew he was cheekily grinning. “I agree.” You giggled.

You hadn’t fought a whole lot throughout your relationship, but the make up sex was always amazing.

You gulped nervously as he captured your lips in a bruising and breath taking kiss. Letting you know just how much he loved you. You hummed as his hands caressed the soft skin of your ass, squeezing it lightly before he pulled you up.

You yelped as you wrapped your legs around his narrow waist. You trailed kisses down his jaw as he carried you to your bed. Giving him a nip or two here and there, smiling against his throat as you felt the vibrations of his moans.

He gently dropped you on your comfortable mattress, you giggled as you bounced.

Steve hovered above you, he was so large, he was the only thing you could look at. Your shaky hands worked on unbuttoning his shirt as he pulled your night shirt up, groaning at the sight of your soft nipples, hardening so easily at his touch. He pulled one in his mouth as he thoroughly sucked on it.

“Oh, Steve.” You moaned as his hand came up to pay some attention to your other breast, fondling it in his hand before tugging your stiff peak with his fingers. You gasped as he bit you. “Oh I’ll definitely feel that tomorrow,” You sighed pulling your shirt over your head as he made his way down your body, settling between your legs.

He looked at you as you bit your lip, your breasts laid flat as you chest heaved with anticipation. He let out a guttural sound as he saw and smelled just how aroused and wet you were for him. He licked a firm stripe up your warm folds before capturing your bundle of nerves in his mouth, harshly sucking on it as he worked you up with his fingers to get you ready for him.

The moans and mewls from your mouth and the squelching of his fingers were something akin to a symphony to his ears. He cooed as you thrashed wildly when he pulled away. “Steve!” You whined.

“Just a minute baby. You remember what we talked about? Patience.” He said as he quickly got rid of his clothes. His throbbing erection ached to be inside you. But he couldn’t help but tease his sweet girl a bit as he stroked himself above you, much to your displeasure.

He chuckled as you kicked your legs. “Patience,” He reminded you again as he bent to suck a bruise on your breast. He pulled away with a pop, pleased with the way your skin bruised under his assault, “So you’ll always remember how much I love you.” He murmured in your neck as he slowly entered your channel.

He stayed inside you just like that for a few minutes, it was comfortable like a warm hug, it felt like home because you were his home. No matter how many times he made love to you, he could never get used to how wet and tight you felt.

He sucked a few more love bites on your neck he knew you’d give him hell for later but in the moment he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He rocked his hips, slowly and tortuously pulling out of you before pushing back in till he bottomed out, searching for your special spot, he knew he found it when you threw your head back and started blabbering nonsense.

Your hips matched his pace, trying their best to keep up with his super strength and agility. He propped himself up on his elbows, he needed to see you, see your face twist in pleasure as he did such sinful things to you. Except they rarely ever felt sinful to him. It felt as if he was expressing his love for you by pleasing you and worshipping you.

“How could you ever think I don’t care about you?” He asked not really expecting an answer, what with you being so preoccupied and your mind too far gone to listen to him, as he drove his hips up harshly.

You shook your head muttering apologises and chanting his name as he felt you clench around him. Your nails dug into his shoulders, holding onto him as your orgasm hit you in waves of pleasure.

“I need you to say it.” He demanded. His thrusts lost any sense of rhythm simply pounding into you with abandon as he chased his release. “Say that you know that I love you.” He rasped as his hips stuttered. “Say. It.” He punctuated with a few more thrusts before he emptied inside you, panting into the crook of your neck.

“I know you love me Steve.” You mumbled as you ran your fingers through his hair. “I love you more.”

You felt him shake his head as he pecked your lips. “That’s not possible.”

“Yes it is!” You huffed incredulously.

“Agree to disagree.” He stated not really in the mood to fight with you anymore as you smacked his bicep, scoffing at him before muttering a ‘whatever’ under your breath. He pulled you on top of him still connected to your heat as he felt his spend spill out of you. “Can we stay like this for a bit?” He asked somewhat shyly.

You hummed, “Yes of course.” You sleepily mumbled against his soft and warm chest.

He listened to your breathing and steady heartbeat as you slipped into a dreamless slumber.

He couldn’t sleep. He only ever slept a couple of hours every night and now after everything that perspired, he was scared he’d fall asleep and you’d be gone when he wakes up.

There was no way in hell he’d ever let you. He’d give up the shield if he had to. He was as stupidly stubborn as you if not more. He was sure he’d fix everything as he kissed the top of your head and covered the pair of you with the comforter. So you’d feel as warm and comfortable as him.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm.

Comments and feedback are appreciated! ❤❤

Idk how Sharon comes off in this but no Sharon hate please! I don't have an opinion on her but I believe in girls supporting girls. Thank you😘😘

[anika-ann]

Attached: Hurtful Words Pt.3

Type: (mini)-series,  Modern-college-professor AU… aka the wrong attachment AU ;)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word count: 6420 + 280 (you’ll see)

Summary:  Graduation day, yay! Says no one, ever.

Except for Penny, who practically drags you to enjoy one of the most important days of your lives. You go along, just because. Hell, who knows - maybe you’ll like it in the end.

A/N: Attached: Hurtful Words is an addition that loosely followes the Attached series. You don’t necessarily need to read the mini-series as a whole, but you will understand much better.

Warnings: mentions of name calling and humiliation,swearing, some angst and lots of talking and maybe... ;)

Story masterlist

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

You had been through several phases of dealing with what happened and they came and went and came and went, one blending into another, other times changing so sharply and quickly as if you flipped a metaphorical switch.

But what stayed for the majority of the time was that you simply had no idea what should you do.

One moment, you were certain that this was a sign from above telling you to break things off with Steve, because no matter the beautiful moments you had shared, continuing the relationship was an epitome of asking for more trouble and even though you had never met a guy so close to your dream man, you wondered if it was worth it.

The next minute, you mentally yelled at yourself and called yourself a dumb ungrateful bitch, convinced that this was in fact a trial, an ordeal by fire; a test you had to pass so your relationship came out stronger from it. Your faith was rock-solid that Steve was it, because after all, he was the closest guy to your dream man that you had ever met.

Your emotions were bubbling, the order of stages of grief all messed up, a mixture of self-pity, anger, resignation, denial---shame.

And shame seemed to be a theme that stuck, because the longer you were stalling and leaving Steve’s kind supportive and pleading messages without reply, the worse you felt, ashamed to reach out now, after such a long and pointed silence. Because Steve hadn’t relented, keeping in touch and very obviously staying convinced that you two could push through; the stark contrast of your doubts and his unshakable belief was breaking both your heart and mind.

How did you even deserve him? He stood by your side, at least as much as he could… while his name was in the poem too and he was probably dealing with so much shit right now and yet he didn’t cease reaching out while you left him in a lurch and really, you must have been the worst girlfriend ever.

If you even still were a girlfriend… though Steve appeared to still consider you one and it was making you want to tear your hair out, frustrated with your own stupid overthinking ass.

Penny, bless her, was there the whole time, loyal by your side instead of drinking herself into oblivion in a celebration of her bachelor degree. She was there as well when you received a text yesterday morning, followed by longer-than-usual silence.

I know this has little chance of reaching you, but know this: say the word and I will leave you alone to the point of not going to the ceremony at all despite my presence being formally half-required. Or I’ll be there and stay away. Anything you want, anything that helps you to enjoy your special day. You deserve to celebrate such a great success and I’d hate to be the reason for you to miss out on a memory that will last a lifetime. You deserve the world, sweetheart; and if you don’t want to me to be the one who gives it to you, I’ll have to accept it. Congratulation.

The text had to be split into three separate units, but the message was clear and you had a good thorough cry at it, your shaky conviction growing firmer and earning a solid base.

He had hit a nail on the head – you had been considering not going and then definitely going and then not again, back and forth for various reasons, but mostly because of him; too excited, too hopeful and too scared to meet him.

And to think you had been once afraid of facing him after you suspected that he had read your smutty story about him… this was so much more terrifying than that and now you were biting on your lips, slightly redder due to the lipstick you had applied for the ceremony, and you glanced up to meet Penny’s narrowed eyes in the mirror.

“Don’t you bail out on me now. You promised yesterday that you’d go,” she reminded you, half-concerned, half-strict.

You sighed, knowing fully that she spoke the truth.

“I know. It’s just…”

It’s just that I haven’t replied to Steve, AGAIN, and I don’t know if he’s gonna be there. And what I am going to do if he is.

And what I’m going to do if he isn’t.

Penny charmed a supportive grin, walking to you and putting her hand on your shoulder, squeezing it in comfort until you managed to swallow your nerves for a brief second and return the smile weakly.

She squealed and pulled you to her side, a happy twinkle in her chocolate-coloured eyes.

“We did it, girl! We fucking made it to the end of bachelor studies! And we’re gonna enjoy every moment of that mummery that comes with it!”

You couldn’t but snort, amused at her exclaim, while tears burned in your eyes, a mixture of nerves, grief and happiness.

“Yeah. I guess we should.”

“That’s my girl!”

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

For all you wanted to enjoy this day with your friend since your family wouldn’t be able to make it, the first thing your eyes searched for in the crowd getting ready for the ceremony was a broad figure with blond hair, a beard and the most beautiful eyes you couldn’t but fall in love with.

Your stomach, tight from nerves and anticipation, dropped to your feet and you had to focus on keeping the tears at bay.

Steve wasn’t here.

The professors were always seated together, expected to hang out in a group – which somehow provided them safety from both students in the gowns and the few individuals who didn’t understand the dress code and arrived in jeans and sweatshirts – and you couldn’t see Steve among them. You even caught a sight of Bucky; and if Steve wasn’t with him, well, then it was clear that he decided to stay home.

Home. You had felt at home with him too, but that was over now.

What did you expect though? You ignored him for almost a week and even a guy like Steve, so amazing and understanding, would lose his patience with such inconsiderate and downright bratty attitude.

Your heart weighted a ton, heavy in your chest, pounding anxiously at the thought.

Was this how you parted ways? Just… fading away? Two lovers, two people in love – and you had realized over the past few days that Steve must have truly loved you – falling apart for the lack of communication? What a cliché.

But really, how could you have kept your hopes up that he would show up? Because it was sort of expected from the professors? Please. Because he had asked you to let him know if you didn’t want him here… and you hadn’t responded? Again? Right.

Yes, you hadn’t requested that he stayed away – then again, you hadn’t exactly begged him to come either. All that because you let yourself fall into the pit of doubts and allowed them to eat at your soul and ruin your relationship with the best man you had ever met instead of holding onto him for a dear life.

You guessed it served you right, more so now, in this very moment.

Because right now, your resolve and faith that you had been meant to be with Steve felt more solid than ever. By the laws of human nature, by its very essence, you were certain of what you wanted the moment you understood that you lost it.

A tug at your hand snapped you from your gloomy self-depreciating thoughts, your head automatically turning the direction the intrusion came from. Penny’s face came into view and she frowned as she saw you blink away tears.

“Hey! No brooding today! Today is a great win of our lives. You hear me?” she scolded you lightly, her eyes twinkling with true happiness and you gulped, nodding obediently.

“Right. Sorry. You’re right of course.”

“Damn right I am.”

You charmed a pathetic smile for her and looked at the other students in the black gowns to distract yourself from one single thought – Is it a win? Or is it the final prove of my loss?

You desperately tried to believe Pen and forced yourself to focus on the bright side, on what you were supposed to be delighted for; you finished your bachelor studies. Yay!

Yet, despite your best efforts, the ceremony and the speeches from the professors and the officials of your university, all the ‘mummery’ as Penny called it, happened in a strange haze.

Perhaps that was how everyone felt, drunk on euphoria instead? You guessed. You thought you might have smiled at some point, fuelled by a brief moment of true victory.

You stood there among other students, your eyes on the stage where Sharon Carter, a student at the top of your class, walked to the stand to give a speech.

You weren’t exactly friends with Sharon – you talked sometimes, more of a common courtesy exchanged simply because you were classmates. Still, you were mildly curious about what she had to say; she was marked a great student for a reason and she tended to have the ability to catch attention and awake something in others when she talked. An excellent choice for the speech – however, you caught yourself nervously toying with the cap of the case with your diploma, feeling fatigue of the past days catching up with you.

God, you wanted to go back to your whining and misery, not because you revelled in it, but because in the safety of your dorm room, you didn’t have to put up a front of a student excited to graduate. Not that you were any good at the pretence.

“Good morning, everyone. Mr. President, Mr. Dean, Professors… and most importantly, students. For some of us, the journey ends here – we are about to leave the not-so-safe space of the university and try our chances out there, in the open and much more dangerous world,” Carter started, a mild smile on her lips. “That said, it doesn’t mean that our school days were exactly easy.”

“Oh, you had no idea,” you mumbled under your breath, a pang in your ribcage reminding you just how harsh university space could be – not just because of the professors and their impossible tasks.

And they said high-school was the nightmare.

You noticed several people muttering under their breath too, for various reasons. For a brief moment, you felt shame – the pain others had been through could have been even worse, because illness and death had little regard for waiting for when it was more convenient. Who were you to complain?

Then again, you felt like you suffered enough too, your pain just as real as theirs.

Sharon looked around the audience and took a deep breath, her smile turning almost wistful as if she could hear your thoughts.

“While I’m up here, I would like to do something… a bit unconventional. I know this day shouldn’t be dedicated to one person and that is not what I want to do, but I have to speak up. After all, that is what history taught us – that we have to speak up. I want to talk about something everyone who stands here know – sadly, because it was perfectly wide-spread at the university.”

Whispers rose in the crowds along with your pulse skyrocketing.

Fuck. Fuck, she wouldn’t.

Right?! This was something else she was talking about, something you had missed, because you were too busy sulking.

You grabbed Penny’s hand at your side, squeezing harshly and shot her a panicked look, wordlessly pleading her to tell you this was not happening and you were just projecting, imagining this was some nightmare coming to life.

She gave you a side-eye and beckoned her chin to the stage again. Your breathing picked up, your knees feeling weak.

Oh my god, oh fucking shit this was happening.

Why the fuck Sharon wanted to open this can of worms publicly?! Did she hate you?

Granted, you weren’t paying much attention to other people’s faces, but you were hopeful that the mess was slowly dying down and people weren’t necessarily staring at you.

Now, the small circle of people around you who obviously knew where you were, glanced at you pointedly.

Hadn’t your ears been ringing and your panic rising, you might have found it weird that they were smiling at you – and not in a condescending or malicious way.

“Come on. Listen to what she has to say,” Penny whispered to your ear and you eyed her, shocked to find her smiling as well.

A terrible realization hit you like a train.

“Wait, you knew about this?” you hissed angrily, your stomach somersaulting. The actual FUCK?! “You knew she was gonna talk about that? What the hell? Why?!”

Was that why she made you come here?

“Oh honey, you have no idea what was happening these past few days, do you?  Just listen.”

Huh?! What the fuck did Penny meant by-

“I just want to remind to the people feeding bad blood that the girl I’m talking about – a smart young woman who had accepted her diploma today, one of us – she earned her degree. In fact, she probably had to work even harder, because that’s the policy, a sort of a reverse favouritism. The records of her exams are much more detailed and she was under scrutiny, she had to prove that she was nothing the self-proclaimed experts were calling her.”

As outside your body as you felt, in this surreal moment where Sharon Carter talked about your dirty laundry during your damn graduation ceremony, the word ‘whore’ still popped in your mind in angry red letters and chased tears into your eyes, the humiliation you had felt when you first spotted the poem overwhelming you again.

“She had to face every evil glare people sent her way, glares she faced for something as simple as being in love. And just so you know, I have it from a reliable source-“ she pretended to cough while saying Penny’s full name, “-her roommate, that for the long months she’s been with her favourite man, it was in fact Professor Phillips whose name she was whispering in her sleep, because we all know he’s a real hard-ass; my condolences to Professor Rogers.”

Chuckles erupted in the crowd and you felt your lips twitch involuntarily. More and more people were turning to you as their colleagues elbowed their ribs to subtly point in your direction.

You lowered your gaze, embarrassed by so much attention – a positive one, it seemed.

When the hell did that happen?

“Also, all kudos to Nelson and Murdock, who accepted our request and are now suing the hell out of the Expert One and Two, possibly Three, for defamation and possible attempted assault.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

A breathy “Wait, what?!” fell from your lips.

“They offered to do it for free, but I think that a small donation never hurt anyone. You’ll find the link on the forum dedicated to our girl. You’ll find the link to that forum in your inbox if you haven’t already.”

There was a forum dedicated to you?! To hate you or to support you? How could you… not know about that?

Probably had something to do with how you shut off the whole world… social media included. Hell, especially those.

And the people who wrote the poem and sent it to everyone on uni could actually… be sued? It was that serious? From the legal side, not yours, you were sufficiently ruined about that you had no doubt-

“Let’s clap for Nelson and Murdock as they wave at us. Thank you, gentlemen!” Sharon called out and everyone’s head turned to a pair of lawyers you couldn’t hope to see – but you really had to in the future, because what?!

However, you did reluctantly join the deafening applause the people present dedicated to them.

Seriously, what was happening?

“Why I’m saying all this… I know she’s here with us today, because she deserves it just like everyone else. I would like to invite her to stand to the very left of the crowd. Please, come on, our brave soul.”

Sharon’s eyes unmistakably found you as if she knew where you were standing the whole time – which she probably could. Because of Penny. And obviously, few others.

Penny nudged you with a grin and you gulped as several onlookers sent you encouraging smiles.

You felt your face burning with all the eyes on you, your head spinning.

Oh god, oh god-

“Go,” Penny whispered to your ear. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

I’ll like what exactly?

“Uh-huh, sure,” you mumbled but gave in, your shaky feet carrying you outside the line of chairs to your left – it was probably no coincidence that you didn’t have to cross the aisle, already standing on the left half.

Everything was planned, that you were starting to understand… but to what end?

“You see, I want her to understand that maybe two or three people in this damn school made a fuss, but there’s quite a lot of people who don’t think any less of her, of people who are in fact happy for her and Professor Rogers. Also, I want her to be easy to find for later purpose,” Sharon explained as you reluctantly approached the aforementioned spot.

For later purpose? Easy to find?

A hunch slowly crept up your back and you couldn’t decide whether you wanted it to be true or not.

What were the chances it was something else though?

Pretty big, in fact. Because you had no clue what a surreal world you had found yourself in and how, but it seemed like everything, even the most absurd thing you wouldn’t even dare to think about, came to life here.

“You know, the best thing about her story is that… it’s a story of all of us. I mean, not in such a great detail, gosh, we wish to own a heart of such fine man, but…” More laughter erupted from the crowd and you choked on the sound ripped from your throat, something between a chuckle and a sob.

Wasn’t that the truth…

”But in the end, there is no great difference. We’re standing here today, because we pushed through. We stand here today, because this is our story of love and passion – for things, for people. It’s a story of working hard and losing sleep for something that truly matters to us. It’s a story of fighting off sticks and stones and overcoming obstacles, of fighting for our future,” Sharon said ceremonially, her voice fuelled by true yet not theatrical passion. One corner of her lips rose in a sad smile as she lightly shook her head, sending her blond hair flying. “And folks, I hate to break it to you, but it ain’t always gonna be easy. But the fact that we’re here today, in these ridiculous outfits we secretly love because they are a testimony to our success… it tells me that the future might not be the worst either.”

Sharon Carter made a pregnant pause, eyes searching in the sea of faces watching her, until her gaze fell at someone near you and her lips spread in an almost cheeky smile, one you hadn’t know she was capable of.

Before you could try and see what was the cause – even if the rapid beats of your heart already seemed to know the answer – she delivered an explanation.

“Isn’t that right, Professor Rogers?”

Hushed voices and shocked exclaims reached your ears, but you couldn’t quite hear them over the pounding of your pulse in your temples.

A tall figure with broad shoulders cladded in an unfamiliar hoodie was making its way to you, the crowd parting like a sea with each step he took. Even though he did, he didn’t have to lose the hood for your benefit – you had inspected his body thoroughly on many occasions, you knew his gait, and until now, you had believed that you were aware of every hoodie he had in his closet, because you had borrowed each and every one of them at least once when staying at his place... often.

Ruffled blond hair appeared first and then everything you had eyes for was his lips, curved in a hesitant smile and the beautiful eyes, so deep you could drown in them.

Your fingertips tingled with anticipation, your chest heaving in quick shallow breaths full of anxiety.

The expression on Steve’s face was unreadable – and yet, just seeing his face after the series of unfortunate events, was enough to chase tears into your eyes and for your feet to twitch with the unstoppable urge to run to him.

It was only the fear of his reaction that prevented you from making the tinniest move.

A pointed clearing of a throat sounded through the microphone, but you couldn’t tell if it worked on people, if they turned their attention to the person on the stage or kept watching your reunion. Reunion with Steve – who naturally hogged all your attention and as he approached you, his presence assaulting nearly all of your senses.

A sight for your sore teary eyes.

The barely audible yet deafening whisper of your name.

His natural scent mixed with his cologne and the detergent he used – even standing two feet away, you would swear you could smell it, perhaps a mirage created by your wishful memories.

The ghost of his skin and hair tickled your fingers as you had been running your hands through his hair and beard and roamed his body so often that you could practically feel it even now.

Half of the things you sensed must have been a figment of your imagination; yet, they felt very real, as did the rapid staccato of your heart hammering in your ribcage, the butterflies both pleasant and unpleasant occupying your stomach.

“Now, let the lovebirds figure it out and listen up, people…”

“Hi,” he greeted you softly, a single caress of his voice encouraging the flipping of metaphorical wings in your stomach.

“Hi,” you replied automatically, unable to think about anything better to say.

What were you supposed to say?

You had already made your peace with him not coming… to a point. You forgone all hope; so now you were desperately unprepared for him showing up, all casual-looking in jeans and a hoodie and so damn gorgeous as always.

An attempt at a smile graced his lips, his hand rising to the back of his neck in his typically bashful gesture as he self-consciously looked around.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea they would make such a fuss. I just followed the instructions and showed up-“

You heart sank to your gut; your body, warming up in his presence alone as he was your personal sun, suddenly felt cold with the metaphorical bucket of icy water his words provided.

He came here because someone told him to – someone who planned this stunt, this ridiculous and utterly stupid show. What was next? Were you supposed to kiss for the audience?

The same nausea you remembered feeling when seeing the poem hit you all over again; Steve didn’t want to be here.

He wasn’t here for you, he wasn’t here because he wanted to set things right.

The pain erupting in your chest was shocking and burned like a flame fed on gasoline. You truly were over and his words-

“No, wait, that came out wrong!” he hurried, crossing the short distance between you in three long steps and you would have taken a step back, hadn’t your feet rooted into the ground. “I came… I’m here because I wanted to see you. I missed you, sweetheart.”

Tears rolled freely down your face, the endearment sending a shiver down your spine, the admission sparking a warm light within you again.

You met his gaze, your knees shaking slightly in weakness, threatening to give out as you feared what exactly you would see in his eyes.

You could melt right there when you were met with the same softness he always observed you with, a blue-green sea of wonder and love, tainted with reluctance and regret.

You pressed your lips together in effort to stop your jaw from quivering.

Regret you were more than familiar with; conflict, sorrow, self-pity, anger, resignation, shame… those were the other emotions which you guessed he could read on your face.

His brows furrowed and he closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“I’m not here to guilt trip you. Actually-“ Steve started again and finally, as his hand disappeared in the front pocket of the hoodie, you found your voice, interrupting him.

“I missed you too,” you sobbed, covering your mouth as soon as the pathetic sound left your lips.

Steve’s own lips parted in awe, his gaze somewhat lighting up with a new hearty emotion.

But once you started talking, finally, finally speaking up, the dam broke and the waterfall of words couldn’t be stopped.

“And I’m sorry, Steve, I’m so sorry for shutting you off like that, you didn’t deserve that and you were probably in a small personal hell too, I don’t even know if your job was affected and how are doing and it’s not right, I wasn’t supposed to ignore all your calls and texts, I was supposed to-“

“-reach out when you’re ready,” he finished for you, completely differently than you had intended.

It shut you up effectively.

“Look… I understand. It was tough and it still is and if you want this to be the last time we ever talk-- then it will,” he rasped, his voice breaking towards the end of the sentence, your heart squeezing painfully at both the premise and at hearing him hurting.

God, how much he must have been hurting for the past few days and now he was talking about understanding you and forgiving you for ghosting him and still offering you an out and--- Jesus fucking Christ, you were going to drown in your own tears.

And Steve reached into that damn pocket again and even if you had no idea what was there, you had a hunch it was some kind of a gift – either a parting gift or something for your graduation and you simply couldn’t--- you didn’t care for some materialistic shit right now-

You just needed to feel him again.

Taking one single step at a lightning speed, you let the diploma case fall to the ground and threw your arms around Steve’s neck, burying your face in his chest, drawing a surprised huff from him.

A box dug into your stomach, the content of the front pocket, but you didn’t give a fuck.

Not when Steve’s arms sneaked around your waist and shoulder with no hesitation, engulfing you, his nose burying into your hair—and cursing when the cap got in his way.

You chuckled madly into his hoodie, your fingers clutching the fabric when his daring lips awkwardly found a way to your temple.

You felt like you were touched by an angel, delighted laughter that shook both of your entangled bodies ripping from your throat along with a sob.

“Shit, Steve, I’m so sorry, I missed you so much, please forgive me, please, please, please-“

“No way. Nothing to forgive-“

“Like hell it isn’t-“

“It hurt, but I get it. I truly do,” he whispered frantically, his hands moving to push you away just enough to frame your damp face with his big warm palms. “You just needed time to process what happened.”

You nodded and then lowered your gaze in shame – because you were incredibly embarrassed for your further cowardice, sobbing like a stupid five-year-old. “And then I—I was scared that you wouldn’t care anymore- that it was too late-“

God, now when you said it out loud, it sounded even more pathetic, but that was now, in his arms, when everything made so much more sense-

He shook his head, causing you to look up again just in time to see the flash of hurt in his brilliant irises disappearing. With a brief smile passing his lips, he held your face more firmly in attempt to maintain eye contact.

“No. It would take a whole lot more for me to stop caring and there still would be no guarantee it would work,” he promised, gaze so intense that you couldn’t but believe him, no matter how unreal his words sounded. “You are not what they called you and you are mine, as long as you want, because I love you. Okay? I love you, because yeah, I still think you’re really freaking amazing.”

You chuckled at his choice of words, your heart bursting with their message. The heavy burden resting upon your shoulders dropped at last – and you felt as light as a feather, bound to the man staring into your eyes as if they were the last thing he wanted to see should he turn blind the next second.

He still loved you. Steve still loved you and both your heart and mind were enamoured of him, overwhelmed with his declaration.

You were not good with your words – in fact, in that moment, you were certain you forgot all the words in English language and in every other language you had ever tried to learn too.

There was only one language left to use then; the universal one that could fit thousands of words into one single second.

You let go of Steve’s hoodie, grabbed his face instead and pulled, rising to your tiptoes in hope to reach his lips with yours.

Luckily for you, he got the message before you could pathetically kiss only the patch of skin under his chin and allowed you to move him as much as you wanted.

And by Gods, did you want, finally adding the fifth sense into the play. Taste. You missed how he tasted and how his beard scratched against your sensitive skin-

Your tears spiked your kiss with salt, but neither of your cared as you pushed through the seam of his lips, letting him know what you desired before passing on the lead to him, an open-mouthed kiss full of desire, longing and raw emotions causing you to forget all about your surroundings until a low wolf-whistle sounded on your right, bringing you back to reality.

You parted involuntarily, foreheads resting against each other, warm tears still rolling down your cheeks, but now getting lost in your content smiles.

“I love you, Steve. I love you and if you love me too, then we belong together and whoever thinks otherwise can shove their opinion where the sun doesn’t shine,” you echoed his words from almost a year ago, words that stuck with you, because they were true.

You and Steve, you were the ones who mattered. These were your lives, your relationship, and you had done nothing wrong.

Because you loved each other.

Steve’s mouth caught yours for a short moment, nothing but a nip at your lips – a silent agreement followed by a warm smile, mirroring your own.

“Will you let me give you a little something now?” he whispered, sounding slightly amused as that would be the third attempt that day and the urge to slap his arm for being cheeky felt like a surge of pure life into your veins. The familiarity made your heart sing.

You glanced up at him, retreating and eyed him from head to toe in an appreciative and yet teasing matter. “Haven’t you already? How do I unwrap you, mister?”

Steve chuckled and pulled out a rectangular box, holding it out for you.

“Here. Congratulation to your bachelor degree. And know that if you don’t like it, we can always pick something else.”

You were only human – and curiosity might have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back and the curiosity was killing you now as well. You bit down on your lip, not quite succeeding at masking your excited smile; even if you weren’t exactly deserving of a gift from Steve at the moment, which he would probably argue with, you couldn’t deny that you were touched by the gesture and who were you kidding, you did enjoy receiving a gift. And it was your graduation ceremony, you deserved to celebrate in every way imaginable.

You carefully took the box from Steve, tender fingers caressing the bow stuck on top. Hesitating only a second, enjoying the brief intoxicating anticipation, you lifted the lid.

Your breath got stuck in your throat as you revealed the necklace.

The chain, probably silver, was very delicate, carrying a simply decorated heart with a winding line in the middle, as if the heart was broken. Despite the symbolism, you couldn’t but revel at its beauty.

“Steve,” you breathed out shakily, unable to tear your gaze away from the jewellery, tears, dried at last, threatening to escape your eyes again. “This is… so beautiful. So much-“

You lifted your gaze, only to meet his twinkling eyes. “You like it?”

You nearly choked at the absurdity of the question. Liked it?

“Steve, it’s—like it? It’s breath-taking. You shouldn’t have- that’s-” Shit, this must have been so expensive- but you had seen it now and you loved it and you didn’t want to part with ever.  “-but I absolutely want to keep it now.”

Steve chuckled lightly at your antics, but you took no offence since you were being a bit greedy.

You reached out to brush the pendant with the softest of touches – and sucked a breath in fright when it fell apart, causing you to realize for the first time that the heart could be divided in two, each part having its own loop on the chain.

“Oh,” you let out in surprise, your mind racing. Now that definitely was symbolic. Not a broken heart. Two parts of one heart. “That’s… does this mean one half is for you?”

As you asked the question to make sure, you looked up to Steve’s face, only to find a blush creeping up his neck.

“Uhm… I mean-“

“That’s so cute! And cheesy. So sweet though! I guess we do fit…” you mused, a goofy smile from the swirl of emotions today a testimony of how mushy the lovely and meaningful gift turned you. Steve’s blush deepened, but a delighted smile spread on his lips, eyes soft, so you assumed he was simply happy you liked it. “And we do complete each other.”

“Oh sweetheart,” Steve whispered, clasping your free hand in his, caressing tenderly before bringing it to his lips and dropping a barely-there kiss on its back.

“Would you wear it?” you queried, slightly nervous. “One of the halves I mean.”

It might have been his idea, but did you read him correctly?

“If that’s what you want. Give me your half and keep mine,” he offered, one corner of his lips higher in a cheeky and yet tender smile.

“You got a deal, Stevie. Thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it, sweetheart. I was going to give you a key to the apartment officially, kneel on one knee and all that-“

“WHAT?!”

He wanted to do what?!

“-to ask you if you want to move in permanently, but I understand that we’ve been through a lot, you’ve been through a lot, so while the offer stands, I don’t want you to feel pressured or-“

Oh really? Then why did he even tell you about it?

Your heart felt like beating its way out of your chest, the widest grin spreading on your lips. Staring at Steve as he was stuttering, you couldn’t decide whether he was nervous about asking, trying his luck, or was teasing you, knowing all too well what you were about to say.

Oh god, your head was spinning, again-

“Yes!” you blurted out before you could think twice, shocking the stammering mess of Steve into silence.

“Really?!” he shot back in awe, his lips left parted in genuine surprise – and his expression was pure relief.

“Yes. If you mean it – and God help you if you don’t-“ And you were serious, if he was messing with you now— he wouldn’t, right? Steve wouldn’t joke about such important topic, about your life together.

“Of course I mean it-”

You squealed, closing the box you had nearly dropped in shock and hugged Steve as tight as you could, causing him to huff for the second time that day. Oh you were never letting go of him!

The crowd you entirely forgot about cheered and you jumped away from Steve as if burned, horrified that they had been following your reconciliation and displays of love this whole time-

And then you noticed the graduation caps in the air, a tradition celebrating the success of your year. You grinned at the image, catching Steve’s gaze.

“Go on,” he encouraged you, mirroring your grin when you reached for the square cap, swinging and sending it high in the air.

A yelp escaped you as you found yourself in the air as well in a blink of an eye, nestled in Steve’s arms as he laughed madly, pure delight shining from his eyes; and love. So much love.

You barely caught the cap, not really caring for it when in the arms of your man. You dropped a kiss to his lips, earning one in return and a few more, as you couldn’t get enough for each other after such a long time apart and so much unnecessary heartbreak.

You rested your foreheads against each other, tender meetings of lips, brushes of noses-

Steve winced and hissed in pain, causing you to withdraw and frown as you studied his face.

“Sorry, just… my nose…” he mumbled, seemingly embarrassed, “...tender.”

“From…?” you questioned, absolutely baffled. Steve sighed, but just one glare from you told him that you were not letting it go. You didn’t want him in any pain – you both lived through more enough of it in the past few days.

“Bucky punched me.”

“What?!” you blurted out, shocked to the core, and you braced yourself on Steve’s shoulders, your gaze automatically flickering through the crowd to find the culprit.

Why the heck would Bucky-

“Long story, tell you later,” Steve promised with a peck to your lips, signalling that the conversation was over. For now.

You had better things to do after all. So you only smiled in agreement – you couldn’t seem to stop smiling for some reason.

Wonder what that could be? Maybe because it finally feels like today is a win?

“I’m sure you will.”

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦- Bonus: -◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

It was the day after her own graduation when the blond was sitting on a park bench, light summer dress with cherry blossoms gently swirling around her knees, absentmindedly swiping through the apps on her phone, looking up every now and then to smile at the image of families enjoying the weather and freedom of summer.

She merely paused in her idly actions when the redhead woman she was waiting for seated herself next to her on the other end, sliding an envelope with a promised reward her way.

“As promised,” the redhead said disinterestedly, barely on a lower volume than a normal conversation would be and tugged a loose strand of her hair behind her sunglasses. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

The blond smiled softly, reaching for the envelope and subtly hid it in her purse. “Same. It was rather fun, actually.”

This time, a smile broke on the redhead’s lips as well, cocky, satisfied, but by any means false.

“Well, I heard you’re staying for your master’s. You contact Danvers if you want any more of that fun, da?”

“You better count on that, Rushman.”

“It’s Romanoff, actually,” the redhead smirked, side-eyeing the blond as she rose to her feet again, ready to go where her orders would take her. She spent one more glance at the other woman though; she had carried out her task perfectly, in a way that seem very natural. She’d make a good addition to their growing team and since Natasha was anything but unpolite… “Looking forward to working with you in the future, Carter.”

Sharon Carter felt a surge of pride and couldn’t but return the courtesy before the woman would walk away from her life for god knew how long.

“Feeling’s mutual.”

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Attached masterlist

Attached: Words Lost in Translation 

S.R.masterlist

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Thank you for reading ♥ We’re over 40k into the series, so thank you if you stuck around :-*

Lemme know your thoughts?

You might have noticed a to-be link for another addition to the Attached series called Words Lost in Translation. It’s more of an idea in my head, very little of the actual story written, but it will hopefully involve a bit jealousy… and smut. Just FYI.

Stay happy and safe!

[wienerbarnes]

The Undercover Mission (1/3)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,984

Warnings: Lowkey angst👀

A/N: lollllll don't hate me

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

Bucky stands outside your door for fourteen minutes before you open it. He never knocked, he hadn’t built up that courage yet.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you were standing outside.” You inform him, confused as to why he hadn’t knocked, but deciding not to question it. Yet.

You look cute, even if you’re just in jeans and one of his shirts. He’s looking at you and he already hates himself for what he’s about to do; for what he has to do.

You’re rambling, but it’s good rambling; means you had a good day. You’re telling him about how you went to the shooting range today and did really well and how you’re going to try a new recipe for dinner tonight. But he has a feeling he won’t be staying long.

He already feels the lump growing in his throat when he walks up to you, slipping his arms around your waist, and kisses you where you stand, silencing your words. One last kiss. One last time to feel how your body feels in his arms.

“What’s going on with you?” You ask after pulling away, gentle smile on your lips.

He hesitates for what feels like hours, “We… we need to break up… I want to break up.”

“...What?”

Your smile has dropped. You pull away from him completely, taking a step back. You’re slow in your movements, as though waiting for him to tell you he’s just kidding. But he doesn’t. And he’s not going to.

“Bucky, what the fuck are you talking about?” His eyes water at your question.

“Why are you crying?! I should be fucking crying, why are you doing this to me?!”

Bucky doesn’t have a response for you, so he stutters on his words until you take the reins and yell at him; he deserves it, after all.

“Everything was fine, we were fucking fine this morning, what the fuck happened?! Say something!” You yell, tears finally coming to your own eyes as what he said to you finally sets in. You step back towards him to hit and smack at his chest, and he takes it all, lets you hit him as hard as you can.

“I-” He’s crying now.

“Is it somebody else?” You ask, begging for some kind of explanation.

“Yes!” Bucky snaps, finally finding his words and taking any excuse he can get.

But it was probably the worst one he could pick. Your face drops, tears sliding slowly down your cheeks. It’s like watching someone let the air out of a balloon; he watches as all of the emotion drains from your face until he just sees nothing.

You look like how you looked when he first met you in prison. Numb.

“Okay.” Is all you say before turning around and walking towards your kitchen sink.

“Babe- “

“Don’t call me that.”

“But-”

You grab the closest thing to you, a mug drying on the counter, and chuck it at him as hard as you can. Bucky, of course, dodges it and it shatters against the wall behind him.

“Get out!” You yell.

Bucky takes one last good look at you before stepping back out into the hallway, closing your door behind him. He waits until he reaches the elevator to break down. And he breaks down. He sobs and sobs and sobs in that elevator, to the point where he has to drop to one knee from the pain he feels in his chest after doing that to you.

He feels sick by the time he’s done sobbing, but he knows he’s not done crying for the night. He steps out of the elevator onto his own floor, sniffling every once in a while, trying to keep quiet enough until he can make it to his room. There’s someone else in the hallway, though.

Sam watches his best friend, cheeks wet and face red. He slowly opens the door to his own room and leaves it open; a silent invitation.

One that Bucky takes.

He takes a seat on the couch Sam has in his room and he feels like he’s at his therapist’s. Sam doesn’t say anything, going about his own nightly routine, making a cup of tea to relax his mind and body before bed, letting Bucky compose himself before telling him what’s wrong.

“Did Fury tell you about the mission?” Bucky finally asks him, voice rough and nasally.

“Briefly. The undercover one?”

“Yup.” Bucky confirms, popping the ‘p’.

“Couldn’t have any ties to… her.” Bucky gets out, not even being able to get your name past his lips.

“So, you had to dump her?”

Bucky pauses. Technically, no one was supposed to know about your relationship. The two of you tried your hardest to keep it as quiet as possible. But Bucky guesses they weren’t so good at hiding it in the first place, after all.

“Yeah. It was either cut the ties or she gets taken off the team indefinitely. And I couldn’t do that to her; she’s been doing so well; on missions, with her powers,” Bucky lists. “She’s happy.”

“Well, now she’s not.” Sam corrects.

Bucky glares at him, but Sam continues, “How is she involved, anyway? Why cut ties?”

“...The target is her father.”

…

Bucky hadn’t shown up to the last eight briefings. That’s about two months of no missions. That’s a long time for Bucky. But you refuse to figure out why. You refuse to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. where he is, or what he’s doing. You’re lucky that Sam and Sharon don’t bring it up around you.

But it’s been a long two months. You haven’t slept well, your voices are back, and it’s affecting your job. Your powers are haywire; never showing anything wrong, but just showing you shit that isn’t important. Instead of looking for missing people or suspected killers, your powers show you a minor car accident in Manhattan, or a couple fighting in a restaurant.

There’s no way Sam hasn’t noticed. But, there’s also no way Bucky didn’t tell him what happened. So, you’re grateful that Sam is pretending to be ignorant.

You know you’re being unhealthy about this. You know you should talk to someone, find better coping mechanisms other than crying, not sleeping, and contemplating shaving your head in the middle of the night. But you don’t want to; you only want him. You don’t care if it makes you desperate.

You realize now, in this briefing where you’re not paying attention to a single thing Sam is saying, that you just want closure. You want to know why. The two of you were fine. There was no fighting. Bucky only had eyes for you, and you for him. He loved you, that you were absolutely certain of that. So why the sudden breakup, and why the sudden interest in someone else?

It doesn’t make sense.

Before you know it, the briefing is over, and you remain in your seat while everyone else files out, like always. Except you notice Sharon follow with them. You glance to the front of the room to Sam, but he’s looking down at a file in his hand. Not the file he was discussing during the briefing, a different one, a blue folder.

You don’t know what’s in them, but the tan folders are the regular missions that involve everyone, and the blue folders are the ones that usually concern Sam, Bucky, Sharon, and recently you. Blue is usually bad. But why did Sharon leave?

The door shuts and it’s just you and Sam in the room.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., cut all video and audio recordings in the room starting sixteen seconds ago.”

“Clearance level 1 or 2 necessary for that, Captain.”

“Clearance level 2; Wilson, Samuel T.”

“Thank you, Captain. All recording has been paused.”

Reminds of you of when you first got here.

“Agent, did you know that your father is alive?”

You stare at him from your seat in the middle of the room. You can’t say that was what you were expecting. You were expecting a talk about Bucky, a talk about your less than average performance lately, a talk about your powers. But your father?

“I... don’t even know my father.” You admit. Is your father here?

Sam looks at you, seemingly waiting for some insight, as though he doesn’t know what’s going on with your father, either.

“My father was a Marine like I was. He was deployed when I was born and stayed deployed when my parents got divorced. And when my mom died he gave custody to my grandparents; I never saw him again, why? What’s going on?” You inform him, the fact that your father is alive and is somehow currently involved in the Avengers’ radar finally connecting to your brain.

“Sam, why did you stop all of the recordings?” You ask when he has no response.

“Because you’re not supposed to know, but I don’t like leaving my teammates in the dark.” Sam finally explains to you.

“That doesn’t tell me what my father has to do with all of this. Is he here? Did he do something?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know. And if I find out, I can’t tell you. You’re not even supposed to know anything about the case because of the familial relation.”

“So there’s a case?”

Shit. Sam is slipping.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. resume all recordings.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Wait, but -”

“That’s enough, Agent 51. If you don’t see anything with your powers, you’re free to go. I have work to do.” Sam commands, Captain’s voice returning.

You huff before standing and making your way back to your room.

Except when you get to the elevator, you change your mind.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., is Gunnery Sergeant Tyler Camm still alive?”

“Yes, Agent. Gunnery Sergeant Camm is currently 55 years of age, residing in -”

“Okay, okay. Is he here in the building?”

A pause from the A.I., as though she knows she shouldn’t tell you, but hasn’t been given orders not to.

“Yes, Agent.”

“Where.”

“Interrogation Room Two, Agent.”

“Take me there.”

And the elevator descends.

You assume that Fury and Sam didn’t think you’d go investigating, and that’s why they didn’t put any restrictions on the case regarding your father. But you’re still trying to be careful.

No one has said anything, because you assume they pity you after your breakup, but you know it’s been noticeable the change in your powers and performance on missions. You haven’t been doing well. The last thing you need is to be caught interfering with an investigation.

You had tried looking into your father when you joined the Navy; you figured someone there knew who he was. But you were scared of the answer. Scared of this exact thing happening; finding out he was alive the whole time and he just didn’t want you.

The interrogation floor is eerily quiet. You know there’s arguments and begging and yelling happening behind each of the doors, but it’s all soundproof.

You approach the second room and peek into see a man in uniform sitting across from Sharon. Your father.

Why is he here? Is he being asked to help in a case? Is he being questioned? Is he a suspect?

You go to the door next to the room labeled with a large number two, the observation room that stands opposite to the two-way glass. You turn the knob quietly but it doesn’t budge. Locked. You close your eyes in a quiet sigh before turning back around.

This is a sign, you idiot. Get out of here before you’re caught and they flame your ass.

For once, the voices are right. You make your way back to the elevator. One way or another, you’re going to figure out what’s going on here.

[cheekbites-moved]

oz, alice & the creation of love: an ozlice meta

hello it is i, known ozlice defender. here to explain why they need to be credited for inventing love, bc. They Did That. & i just wanna gush about my favorite scene of all time, involving my favorite couple of all time, because both are very precious to me and i’m very passionate about them!!

disclaimer: if your interpretation of oz/alice’s relationship differs from mine, i respect that. all i ask is that my interpretation of their relationship being romantic be equally respected. i am simply writing my own post, on my own blog, discussing my own interpretation of this scene and their relationship dynamic within it/as a whole. if you disagree, please refrain from debating me on my interpretation. my voicing of my interpretation doesn’t mean yours is in any way invalid or not allowed to exist, so please don’t treat mine that way if you don’t share it. thank you. 

tw for blood, gore, and mentions of neglect/abandonment issues.

anyway so! the scene in question is the cheek biting scene from chapter 41. in my opinion, this is one of the most crucial scenes for oz’s character development, & is a scene that beautifully encapsulates the depth of the impact oz and alice have on each other.

before i get into the meat of the chapter itself, i’d like to first establish my perception of oz’s character up to the point this chapter takes place, to really get across why this moment is so pivotal for him.

pandora hearts is one of those series that begins with a collection of stereotypes, both in the story and characters, then works to completely dismantle them as the story goes on. oz is no exception to this trend.

he starts out as a pretty typical protagonist, to be honest. he’s bubbly, peppy, (also flirty) and is always the first to bounce back from the rougher things the cast goes through. he’s an optimist, and prefers to focus on happy distractions rather than the reality of the harsh situations the cast finds themselves in.

but, see, that’s the thing. his entire outward personality itself is a distraction. it’s all a facade. oz hasn’t forgotten any of the pain he’s been dealt, nor has he even begun to heal from any of it. because he has put the role of “the happy friend who has to stay happy for their friends’ happiness’ sake" on himself. which has caused him to learn to bottle things up. which has lead his mind to believing that presenting any negative emotion would be a burden to those around him. he’s afraid of presenting them because he fears rejection, but also, he’s afraid of his loved ones hurting for his sake. 

a lot of oz’s arc revolves around him overcoming this mentality, and the development that entails starts with chapter 41.

for those who need a refresher, chapter 41 takes place while the group is exploring the ruins of sablier. they all get separated at one point, lead astray by the hauntings of their unremembered pasts. 

oz finds himself alone, and is confronted again with the horrors of the tragedy, as well as his own unremembered past, and begins to panic.

elliot and leo hear him screaming, so they go off to look for him. 

after they first arrive and oz properly notices them, he instantly snaps back to his bubbly self, acting like nothing happened.

they walk together, eventually running into gil and also xai. xai’s appearance, and proceeding dismissal of oz’s presence further burdens oz with the trauma of his father’s neglect, on top of the already previously disregarded distress from his past.

xai was sent to retrieve elliot, who denies his help, saying it should be offered to his own son instead. xai scoffs, and further dismisses oz’s existence in a more direct manor by speaking ill of him, further contributing to oz’s increasing emotional instability.

leo manages to get xai to leave, explaining that he and elliot already have plans to get back on their own, so his help isn’t necessary. xai departs as oz’s emotions start to fully destabilize, with oz thinking to himself about the pain he’s feeling. he attempts to reach out to gil, but gil runs off after xai to confront him.

oz canonically has abandonment issues, and they originated from xai’s neglect. i’m sure in the moment, after just having confronted the source of his abandonment issues, having gil leave him behind felt like a further abandonment, and it breaks him down the rest of the way.

his mind starts to spiral, putting him in conflict with himself, as his tendencies to remain stable and happy are pitted against the destructive urges arising within him to cope with the instability.

he begins a descent into darkness he can’t control as his powers start to spark up and begin causing destruction, a very similar scenario to his breakdown in the cheshire arc.

before he can commit any permanent damage, however, alice arrives at the perfect time to disrupt his spiel.

her interruption snaps him back to reality, and he is instantly tamed by her appearance

as he regains himself, he also defaults to putting up his facade yet again, casually talking to her as if nothing happened. alice knows him well enough to notice the subtle cracks in his mask, though, and asks him what’s wrong.

oz holds to his habits, and attempts to brush his emotions off by saying it’s nothing,

but alice interrupts him before he can continue disregarding his feelings through biting his cheek

oz is completely taken aback by the action, and alice explains to an equally baffled elliot that sharon showed her a book where a woman ‘bit’ a man’s cheek to cheer him up.

alice further explains herself to oz, telling him that she heard him calling out to her (through a memory, though she’s unaware of that in the moment), with “such a pitiful voice she had to go find him.” 

noting afterward that she wished he would be that open with his emotions more often, so she could cheer him up.

as she says all of this, oz looks at her in pure bewilderment

but then, realization strikes him

he notes his realization, thinking to himself:

"My anxiety, my weaknesses.. I thought if I gave my voice to them.. I would be burdening the people around me... But... ...I guess it’s not always like that."

this line is crucial for the rest of oz’s character arc, and the weight it entails carries on throughout the rest of the series. 

this realization, this moment as a whole, is the first time oz lets himself properly acknowledge the deception behind how his mind has forced him to perceive himself. this is the first time oz actually acknowledges and processes that he is allowed to feel pain. that having pain does not make him a burden. and from this moment forward, oz begins to open up about his feelings more.

starting moments later when they reunite with gil, and oz openly expresses that he’s hurting to gil for the first time.

this progresses to him slowly becoming more direct about his feelings, both through his words and the facial expressions he allows himself to show.

(chapter 60)

(chapter 74)

(chapter 75)

and this all culminates full circle when he finally allows himself to fully cry in later volumes when he needs to.

(chapter 82)

(chapter 87)

(chapter 92)

(chapter 97)

(chapter 104)

that scene in chapter 41, is what directly leads to the emotional vulnerability oz allows himself to have as the series goes on. alice loved oz enough to feel his pain, and to make an effort to seek him out so she could cheer him up when she was aware he was hurting. oz’s love and trust for alice finally allowed him to feel comfortable enough to let down some of his walls to someone for the first time. 

after the realization sinks in fully, oz notes that despite how strange her words are to him, they still spark a fire in his heart.

he observes alice afterwards, noting that her presence is what brings beauty in the scenery of the rain, something he tended towards disliking before.

alice is the first person oz allows himself to be vulnerable around because he’s that comfortable around her. alice is the reason that in a moment of negativity, he is able to pause and admire something that’s beautiful to him; something that genuinely puts him at ease, rather than him just faking a moment of serenity to avoid being vulnerable.

whether you see their relationship as romantic or platonic, their deep love for each other is undeniable. and this is the moment that it shines the brightest, in my opinion. this is the moment they invented love together. and i think it’s beautiful to witness.

[kimannhart]

Here is part two to THIS ficlet I wrote a couple of days ago. Though, this can be read as a stand alone fic. 

Also, I’ll most likely be posting this fic in its entirety on ao3 once I figure out a title. So if you haven’t read the first part and wanna wait, keep ya eyes on my ao3 for it!

mentions of injury cw

~~

It’s been about four months since Tony’s last stunt in the hospital, and ever since then, neither Bucky nor Sam have left his side. And to be quite frank, it was driving Tony insane. He hasn’t had a single moment alone, anytime he had to use the restroom, one of the men would be hanging outside the door. If Tony had a business meeting at SI, Bucky would always be lurking nearby. In their most recent battle, both men disregarded Steve’s orders and decided to fight nearby Tony. The only reason Tony hasn’t snapped at the two to leave him alone yet is because he was hanging onto the hope that he would be traveling alone for SI business overseas. (He had ordered JARVIS to keep his AI mouth shut about it. And Tony didn’t even have to beg Steve to keep quiet about his future travels. Instead Steve just looked at him with pity and nodded that he wouldn’t say a word to Bucky or Sam.)

So, here Tony was now, quickly trying to pack the bare minimum before Bucky and Sam came back home from their forced date night. Sharon, bless her soul, acted as his savior for his getaway and told Bucky and Sam to go out on a date to give Tony some peace. To which the two refused to go on at first, but quickly agreed before Sharon threatened to call her soulmate, Pepper. Not wanting to face the scolding of Pepper, the two men easily backed down and said they’d be back within an hour. 

As soon as Tony was done, he hopped into the car with Happy and made his way to the airport. The moment that the plane was in the air, Tony finally was able to relax. He was finally free from the watchful eyes of Bucky and Sam.

Tony absently starts to rub against the right side of his chest, the spot where his soul mark—a snake wrapping itself amongst a small bouquet of gladiolus and proteas—laid against his skin. A part of him knew that he should admit to Bucky and Sam that he was their third soulmate, but those dark thoughts always prevent him from doing so. Tony sighs to himself and decides to focus on SI business instead.

Once Tony reaches his hotel, he finally checks his phone and is bombarded with a swarm of texts, with most of them coming from Bucky and Sam, which isn’t surprising at all, wondering where he went, why he didn’t say anything, when he’s coming back, and just more questions. Though, instead of answering the questions, Tony makes the decision of turning off his phone and shoves it into one of the drawers in his hotel room. 

~~

The days went by and Tony was genuinely surprised that neither Bucky or Sam decided to hop onto a plane to where he was. But he assumes the reason they hadn’t is because the rest of their friends had convinced them not to go. Well, whatever the reason, Tony was just grateful to roam around by himself.

Tony was currently walking towards some cafe to grab himself a pastry when all of a sudden he hears piercing screams. Quickly, he dashes towards the screams and is greeted to a man dressed to the nines that is terrorizing citizens.

“I couldn’t have one week of peace?” Tony mutters to himself. He jumps into the action. Though, it wasn’t long before he felt pain and succumbed to the darkness.

~~

Tony slowly awakes and silently internally to himself when he realizes he’s back in the hospital. He feels someone nudge a spoon at his mouth and obediently opens, instantly grateful for the cool ice chips that melt in his mouth. Tony opens his eyes and is met with Steve’s worried face. 

“Couldn’t keep yourself out of trouble, could you Shellhead?”

“Wouldn’t be me if I did, Winghead.” Tony looks around his room, a bit surprised that he wasn’t greeted to Bucky or Sam’s faces. 

“They’re in the waiting room,” Steve answers, knowing what Tony was about to ask. “They’re, uh, a bit angry at you at the moment.” 

Angry? What could the two be angry at him about? For landing himself in the hospital again?

“Do you remember how you ended up here Tony?”

“I was fighting some guy, right?”

Steve nods. “But what you didn’t know was that he has some powers. He managed to stab the left side of your chest pretty badly with one small motion of his fingers before getting away.” Steve stops for a moment, debating with himself if he should tell Tony what he and the rest of the world saw.

“Tell me, Steve,” Tony presses, “What else happened?”

Steve gives Tony an apologetic look before continuing. “Someone tried helping you, you know to try to get the bleeding to stop. But they had to rip up your shirt...”

Tony starts to panic, not liking where Steve is going with this.

“... they exposed your soul mark, Tony. Someone managed to take a photo of it and post it on social media. JARVIS managed to get it down quickly, but it was too late. Gossip sites had already took screenshots and started writing up stories, which Pepper and the rest of our PR team is completely furious about.” Steve stops talking, letting Tony come to terms with what happened. “I’m sorry, Tony,” he adds in while giving his hand a comforting squeeze.

Tony waits a few moments before finally asking, “So, they know?”

“They know.”

“Fuck.”

~~

The following day, Sam and Bucky walked into Tony’s room and sat themselves down in the chairs next to his bed and stared. 

“Hi, boys.” 

“Were you ever going to tell us?” Sam asks, getting straight to the point.

Tony looks down and shakes his head. 

“Why?” Bucky’s voice cracks. “Are we, are we not good enough for you? Is our mark that shameful to you?”

“No, no, no, no,” Tony quickly replies. “It’s me who’s not good enough for either of you!” Before either men could respond back, Tony starts to explain. “It’s just, you two are just so amazing, strong, and undoubtedly the most courageous people I’ve ever met. And I know I’m none of that!” He hesitantly points to his head, “I just, I have these thoughts...”

“What kind of thoughts?” Sam softly asks. “Are they bad ones?” he presses when Tony doesn’t answer.

Tony nods before finally breaking down the walls he put around his soul and lets the tears fall.

The three men spend the rest of the night talking and understanding one another. By the end of the conversation, Tony promises to finally see a therapist and to see a psychiatrist to see if he wants to put onto antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. While Bucky and Sam made promises to be there for Tony and when to back off to give him alone time. The three of them also decided to see a group therapist together in order to help them communicate and understand the changes in their relationship.

~~

THREE YEARS LATER

Tony groans when he hears Bucky open the curtains to let in the sunlight. He turns and hides his face in Sam’s side. “Clos’ the ‘urtains, babe.”

“Nope, you both promised me a morning hike to celebrate our new freedom from the job, and that’s what we’re doing today!” Bucky lightly smacks both his soulmates on their respective asses before pulling the blanket and sheets off of them. “Up! Up! Up!”

“Fuck off.” Sam lazily throws a pillow at Bucky’s face. “We’re retired now, we can hike tomorrow.” 

“What Sam said.”

Bucky raises a brow before getting an idea. “If the two of you get up now, we can have some kinky outdoor sex on the top of a mountain.”

At the mention of sex, Sam and Tony immediately get out of bed.  

“That always works,” Bucky chuckles. “I love you both!” he shouts out as he starts to make their bed, smiling when he hears Tony and Sam shout it back.

[fanaticfangirl001]

Like Real People Do Ch 6: The Stain

Taglist: @p3nny4urth0ught5, @kissofvenom922,

Author’s note: Considering Sam’s TT, it’s very common in the South to give relatives nicknames, especially in the African American community(Just in case anyone was confused during the episode)

Winnie flops down on the couch and sighs.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“Sam, this whole thing is fucked up.” Winnie rubs her temples.

“Well once this is all over, I’ll leave you and Buck alone.”

“No reason to. He hates me.”

“Huh?”

“ At Sharon’s place. I confronted him and he brushed me off. I mean it was stupid to think that.”

“Wait, you think Buck hates you because he wouldn’t open up to you.”

“Exactly, we’ve talked about stuff before.”

“Stuff like feelings?”

“No. I’m pretty sure we’re just going to stuff those down and then one day, we die.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“Did you imagine us to have a healthy way of coping with our shit?”

“No, but once everything is over, try therapy.”

“I’d screw it up.”

“There’s nothing to screw up.”

“I’d screw up the therapist. There’s a lot, Sam, none of it is great.”

Zemo walks out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and Bucky walks through the front door.

“Well the Wakandans are here. They want Zemo. Bought us some more time.”

“Were you followed?”

“No.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Winnie sits up from the couch.

“Because I know when I’m being followed.”

“It was sweet of you to defend me at least.”

“Hey, you shut it. No one’s defending you.You killed Nagel”

“Don’t put too much stock in it.” Winnie warns. “You mean to an end.”

“You’d be bored without me.” Zemo says to Winnie then adds “ Do we really have to litigate what may or may not have happened.”

“There’s nothing to litigate. You straight shot a man.”

“Point blank.” Winnie adds.

“Sam.”

“What?”

“Karli bombed a GRC supply depot.”

“What? What’s the damage?”

“Eleven injured, three dead. They have a list of demands and are promising more attacks if those demands aren’t met.”

“She’s getting worse.”

“Take it from the man that bombed the UN to know what worse is.” Winnie muses.

“I accept the assistance but I can handle these two.” Zemo pours himself a cup of tea. “I have the will to complete this mission. Do the three of you?”

“She’s just a kid.”

“You’re seeing something in her that isn’t there. You’re clouded by it.”

“Sam, she is a kid, but she’s making some adult moves.” Winnie adds. “But she has done more for the displaced than the GRC ever did.”

“She’s a supremacist. The very concept of a Super Soldier will always trouble people. It’s that warped association that led to Nazis, to Ultron, to the Avengers.”

“You’re talking about our friends.”

“The avengers, not the nazis.”

“So, Karli is radicalized, but there has to be a peaceful way to stop her.”

“It would have to be in some neutral location. I don’t want any surprise attacks. Sam, you’d be the best choice.”

“The desire to become a superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path. She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her.Or she kills you.”

“Maybe you’re wrong Zemo. The serum never corrupted Steve.”

“Touche. But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?”

“One of a kind, a good man trained to be a soldier.”

“Well, maybe we should give him to the Wakandans right now.”

“And you’ll give up your tour guide.”

“Yes.”

“From my understanding Donya is like a pillar of the community, right? So when I was a kid my TT passed away.”

“Your TT?”

“Yeah, my TT, yeah.”

“Who is your TT?”

“Fine, when I was a kid,my aunt passed away, and the entire neighborhood got together for a ceremony. It was like a week long. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya.”

“We’re not crashing a memorial.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Your TT would be proud of you.” Zemo tosses a piece of candy towards Sam “ Turkish Delight.”

He gestures towards Winnie.

“No thank you. I’ve read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, too many times to be taken in by perfume candy.”

“Shame what’s become of this place. When I was young, we used to come here for fabulous dinners and parties.I know nothing of the politics of the time, of course.But I remember it being beautiful.”

“I’ll play you a song from the smallest violin, later, what we need is information.” Winnie says from behind him.

“I’m gonna take a look upstairs.See what you can find down here. Keep an eye on him.”Sam says leaving the group.

“I’ll stay out of your way.”

Winnie looks around seeing small groups of children playing. She softly smiles.

“You like children?” Zemo asks softly.

“Yeah so.”

“Follow my lead.”

Winnie rolls her eyes but takes Zemo’s outstretched hand.

“Baa baa black sheep have you any wool.”

Winnie sings with him.

“Yes sir, yes,sir, three bags full. One for my master, One for the dame.” Zemo pulls out a bag of the same candy he had offered them, Turkish Delight.

“One for the little girl who lives down the lane.” He sets up a table and pours out the candy.

“Turkish Delight. It was always my son’s favorite.”

Winnie kneels down so she’s at the kids level.

“My old friend Donya passed away. Did you know her?”

“Yes.”

“I would like to pay my last respects. Do you know where her funeral will be?”

Zemo motions for the child to whisper to him the location. She whispers then turns towards him again.

“Is there something else?” He asks.

“Your wife is pretty.” She points towards Winnie.

Winnie smiles, keeping up the appearance.

Sam comes down and stands by Bucky.

“It’s starting to feel like a dead end.”

“The hell are they doing?”

“Do you see these men there?” Zemo asks the child softly.

“Zemo, darling.” Winnie adds putting a hand on his shoulder.

“They are very bad, not to be trusted.” Zemo adds to the children. “Donya is our little secret, okay.”

Zemo and Winnie walk back to the two.

“Cute kids.”

“Ass.”

“Darling, there’s children present.”

“I don’t like them, together.” Bucky breaks the silence.

“I know Buck. I know.”

“Well I got nothing. No one is talking about Donya.”

“Yeah, it’s because Karli is the only one fighting for them.”

Winnie turns to Zemo.

“And she’s not wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“For five years,people have been welcomed into countries that have kept them out using barbed wire. There were houses and jobs. Folks were happy to have people around to help them rebuild. It wasn’t just one community coming together. It was the entire world coming together. And then boom. Just like that, it goes right back to the way it used to be. To them at least Karli is doing something.”

“You really think her ends justify her means. Then she’s no different than him, or anybody else we’ve fought.

“She’s different. She’s not motivated by the same things.”

Zemo is making cherry blossom tea and brings it over.

“That little girl. What’d she tell you?”

“The funeral is this afternoon.”

“You know the Dora’s coming for you any minute.In fact they are probably lurking outside right now.Keep talking.”

“Leaving you to turn on me, once we get to Karli. I prefer to keep my leverage.”

Bucky stands up and walks over to him. He grabs the tea pot and throws it against the wall.

“You wanna see what someone can do with leverage.”

“Take it easy, don’t engage him. He’s just going to extort you and do that stupid little head tilt thing.”

Zemo straightens.

“Let me make a call.”

“Do you want some cherry blossom tea?

“No you go ahead.”

Zemo turns towards Winnie.

“Uh sure, I’d love some.”

Once Bucky leaves the room Winnie looks at Zemo.

“It’s rude to stare.”

“Infuriating Bucky isn’t going to help you in the long run.”

“You care a lot for him. Pity.”

“Why?”

“Because he will always throw himself into the fight. He will never settle down, or help himself, because not so deep down, he knows he’ll never lose the Winter Soldier side. You saw how easily he went back into it.He believes that he’s not worth the effort.What is that they say about old habits. Ah, they die hard.”

“Pissing me off isn’t helpful to you, either.”

“Why does the truth anger you so?”

“Because I believe that Buck is stronger than everything he’s been through.”

“You have great expectations for James.”

“I do.”

“You think he is worth the effort.”

“Yes.”

“So tell him.”

“Why would I trust you? Two seconds ago you were being a dick. Now I’m supposed to take your relationship advice.”

“So you do want a relationship with him.”

“I’m not talking to you, anymore.”

“How sweet the silence will be.” Zemo gives her a cup of tea.

“Fuck you.”

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.” John and Lemar jog up to where the four are.

“What happened to tracking John?” Sam asks Winnie.

“Someone must have disabled it, it was working before.”

“Ah! How’d you find us now?”

“Come on. You really think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?”

“No more keeping us in the dark.”

“It was nice while it lasted.” Winnie adds to Sam.

“And you..” John walks up to Winnie,” Stop messing with my suit and my shield.”

“Doesn’t feel too good to get tracked by your own stuff, huh.”

“You are interfering with the United States Government.”

“What are you gonna do, kill me.”

“Don’t.” Bucky grabs Winnie’s arm and pulls her back.

“You could start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.”

“He did that himself, technically.”

“This better be an unbelievable explanation.”

“Take it easy before it gets weird.”

“Too late.”

“I know where Karli is.”

“Well, where?” John stops Zemo with a hand on his chest.

“All we know is, it’s a memorial. So we’re going to intercept her there.”

“I still don’t like the idea that we’re crashing a memorial.” Winnie adds.

“That means civilians. High risk of casualties.” Lemar adds.

“Which means we need discretion, you two aren’t exactly subtle.” Winnie gestures between John and Lemar.

“All right, we’ll move in fast. Take her by surprise.” John says.

“Did he not hear me?” Winnie asks outloud.

“I want to talk to her alone.” Sam nods at Winnie.

“I’m not losing her again.”

“You won’t, if you let Sam talk to her. This is his bread and butter.”

“Look the person closest to her died, she’s vulnerable. Now is the best time to reason with her.”

“No wait stop! Hold on! I think we’re way past reasoning with her,unless you forgot that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

“So did Zemo, and he’s here.”

“Winifred, if you really lov…” Zemo starts and is muffled by Winnie’s hand.

“Sam if you walk in there cold, she could kill you.” Lemar reasons with Sam.

“If I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die.”

“You’ll let him do this. You’re gonna let your partner walk into a room with a Super Soldier alone.”

“He’s dealt with worse, and he’s not my partner.”

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay. This is in my wheelhouse, like Winnie said.”

“I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this a bad idea.”

“Wait John, if he can talk her down, it might be worth a try.” Lemar reasons with John.

“We’ll deal with you later.” John says to Zemo.

“I’m sure it will come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.”

Zemo leads the way to the small girl he was talking to earlier.

“Hello my friend.” Zemo gives her money,” This is for your family. Can you show us the way?”

The child motions for Zemo and the group to follow her.

“What the hell?”

“Language.” Winnie warns. “ Come on John, there’s a kid.”

The child leads them to the building.

“Karli is in there.”

“All right.” Sam goes in alone.

Zemo is handcuffed to a pipe.

“Hey, you got ten minutes.

“Really?”

“Then we’re doing things my way.”

“Aggressive.” Zemo comments. “ But I get it.”

“John, you okay?” Winnie asks as she watches him begin to pace.

“No, I’m not okay. I wasn’t expecting to see Sam and Bucky, two avengers, an ex member of Shield, and a terrorist that bombed the UN.”

“Okay, and neither did I when Bucky and I came out here. But we’ve done a pretty good job so far.”

“A pretty good job? Really?”

“Yeah, actually with less resources than you have.”

John waits and readjusts his cowl across his nose.

“John.”

“Whatever it is Winnie, I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not trying to antagonize you, but you really don’t seem okay. Take a few breaths. Sam’s a good man and he knows how these things go.”

Bucky looks up watching Winnie.

“I also know that you want to be a good man. You want to be the best Captain America, you can. And to do that you need a clear head, and some good people around, and a big ass heart.”

“A big ass heart isn’t going to help.”

“I think it helped Steve.”

“Well I’m not Steve.”

“I know. No one is asking you to be Steve, John.”

“She’s right.” Zemo adds.

“Good call, the terrorist agrees with you, Winnie.”

“I’m trying to genuinely help you. Don’t be a dick.”

“You could have helped more by joining us. That tracker you put on my shield is still being dissected. Your modifications on old shield tech is incredible.”

“Governments have agendas and blind spots. I’m not getting back in just to be told it’s happening again.”

“So what’s next then, for you?” John asks.

“I don’t know, but I’m sticking with Sam and Buck until the end of the line.”

“Don’t ever say that again!” Bucky snaps.

Winnie recoils hurt from his words and the silence grows.

She looks over when John begins pacing and talking to himself.

“Nope No, this is a bad plan.”

“It hasn’t been ten minutes. Just sit tight.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”

“He knows what he’s doing.”

“I’m going in.” John walks up to Bucky. He stops John.

“This is all real easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin through your veins. Barnes, your partner needs backup in there.”

“Lemar.” Winnie nudges him and gestures to John,” Has he always been this intense?”

“He’s got a lot on his plate.”

“Lemar no bullshitting me, is John okay?”

“Yeah, he’ll be okay.”

“Care to make a wager?”

“Sure. what’s the bet?”

“If John snaps,you owe me, Bucky and Sam:Juicy Lucys, fries and malts once we’re stateside.”

“If he doesn’t, you owe us a steak dinner. The works.”

“Deal.” Winnie puts out her hand for Lemar.

“Deal.” Lemar shakes her hand.

“What about me?” Zemo asks.

“Malts aren’t for terrorists.” Winnie answers.

“Neither are steak dinners.”

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.” John calls out.

“This is what that was.”

“No, wait.”

“Tricking me until help came.”

“We had enough time to talk.”

“Nazi”

“Why don’t you.”

Karli shoves John and the shield against the table.

Winnie helps John back up, he shoves off of her.

Bucky goes after Karli as does Lamar.

Sam helps Winnie up and the two run through trying to find Karli.

“Shit.”

“I lost her.”

“So did we, and John’s a dick.”

“This place is a maze.”

“Pretty smart move though. We need to find Karli before John or Zemo do.”

Zemo finds Karli and shoots at her following her through the pipe room. He shoots twice more. To avoid him, Karli vaults over a table, her pouch of the serum vials falling to the floor with her. The blue vials litter the floor. Karli starts to crawl towards it but Zemo shoots once more. She finds cover behind the table.

“Is this what I think it is.” Zemo asks. He picks one up.

“No no no.” Karli starts.

He throws it to the ground, the glass vial shattering. Zemo stomps on them. Karli runs out seeing that Zemo is busy. The shield flies out of the air and knocks him out.

Sam, Bucky and Winnie run in to see John.

“You found Zemo, good.” Winnie says.

“What did we miss?”

Back in Zemo’s home he rests on the couch with a wash cloth on his head.

“Anything new from Sharon.”

“No, just keep an eye on John.”

“Were you ever offered it?” Zemo asks Sam.

“What?”

“The serum.”

“No.”

“If you had been, hypothetically, that is, would you have taken it?”

“No.”

“No hesitation. That’s impressive.”

“Sam, you can’t hold out hope for Karli. No matter what you saw in her, she’s gone. And we cannot allow that she and her acolytes become yet another faction of gods amongst real people. Super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

“Isn’t that how gods talk?”

“And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky.”

“He never chose anything.” Winnie asks.

Sam takes Zemo’s silence for a chance to continue.

“Blood isn’t always the solution.”

Bucky comes back in.

“Somethings not right about Walker.”

“Clocked that a mile away. I made a bet with Lemar.”

“ What kind of bet?”

“I think John is unstable. He’s gonna snap at someone. And when he does we get cheeseburgers and malts.”

“You can’t make a bet like that. It’s wrong.”

“Lemar knows John better than I do. And he has faith in John. That should make us feel a little better.”

“What does he get if John doesn’t crack?”

“Him and John get a steak dinner.”

“Steak dinner vs cheese burgers, the classic American battle.” Zemo adds.

“Well get ready to eat a burger, Sam, I know a crazy when I see one. Because I am crazy.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

“I didn’t give it.”

“Well Steve definitely didn't.”

“All right. That’s it. Let’s go. I’m now ordering you to turn him over.”

“Hey, slow your roll.”

“Shield or no shield, the only thing here you’re running is your mouth. Now I have Katli and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. We’re going to need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.”

“How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, huh. Should I put down the shield, make it fair?”

“Malts here we come.” Winnie adds sending a smirk over to Lemar.

John puts down the shield and a woman dressed in crimson, and gold armor throws a spear.

“Woah.” Winnie looks from the woman, to Sam, to Bucky as if to ask if they saw that too.

More women in armor with spears come into the room.

“Are they the Dora Milaje?” Winnie asks Bucky.

He nods.

The lead woman speaks to Bucky in a language Winnie has never heard before. Even she knew that whatever they were here for wouldn’t end well for Zemo.

“Release him to us now.” The woman says.

“Hi, John Walker, Captain America.” John introduces himself. “Well let’s put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this though huh. “

“Now he wants peace.” Winnie mocks.

“Not the time.” Sam says shaking his head. “John, take it easy, You might want to fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

“They don’t have jurisdiction here.”

“The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.”

“Okay. Look I think we got off on the wrong foot.” John claps her on the shoulder.

The woman looks at John’s arm and then him. She hits him with a spear multiple times then kicks him away, hitting the spear in the wall and back to the ground. He uses the shield to deflect a spear aiming for him and continues fighting the women.

Zemo continues drinking his cocktail.

“We should do something.”

“Yeah.” Winnie pulls out a bag of popcorn from her backpack. She offers some to Sam. He takes a handful.

“Looking strong, John.”

“Bucky.” Sam warns.

“So the Dora Milaje is the Wakandan army?” Winnie asks the two guys as they watch the fight.

Bucky nods.

“The spears look beautifully made.”

“Ayo.” Bucky grabs the spear in the hands of one woman. “ Let’s talk about this.”

Sam and Bucky enter the struggle.

“ Guys!” Winnie yells.

“We’re a little busy!” Sam yells back to Winnie.

Winnie chases Zemo, but he gets the door and locks it.

“You’re a rat! You know that!” Winnie is banging on the door trying to break it.

Ayo taps Bucky’s arm in a few places and it falls off. She walks off towards where Zemo locked the door.

“He’s gone. Leave it.” She tells another warrior holding the shield.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asks.

“No.” Bucky puts back on his arm and rotates it. The vibranium shifts and hums as it moves back to place.

“You all right, man.” Lemar asks helping John up.

“They weren’t even super soldiers.” John gets up.

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.”

“I can, come on.”

“She said what? Hold on Hold on, I know. Listen pack an overnight bag and take the boys.”

“What happened?”

“Karli called Sarah. She threatened my nephews.” Sam turns back to his phone,”Okay. Go somewhere safe. Only pay in cash. All right? Let me know when you get there.”

“Damn.” Winnie’s expression grows serious. “ She can’t keep this up.”

“I know. I love you. I’ll never let anything happen to these boys.Okay, bye.”

“Karli wants to meet. She left a contact number. She said just me and Winnie.”

“Me?” Winnie asks. “ Why?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Karli!” Sam yells out.

Winnie walks with him, rocket boots and other weapons up her sleeves ready.

Bucky follows.

“You called my sister.That’s how we’re gonna play this.”

“I would never hurt her. I wanted to understand you better. I see you two didn’t come alone.”

“You have to end this now.”

“Karli there’s nothing good that can come from this. Just stop this from escalating. Just stop.” Winnie says.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t have to hurt anyone.”

“Sam, you’re just a tool in the regimes. I want to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield. If I were to kill you it’d be meaningless. I was going to ask you to join me.And you, Winnie, you’re not a tool, you’re a free agent. You could join us. I saw the gadgets the first time we fought. Also you were the closest to downloading all of our mugshots before we started erasing our trail. We could use you.”

“I can’t do that Karli.” Winnie shakes her head.

“Hey Sam,” Sharon’s voice says through Sam’s gear. “ Looks like new Cap is moving. Looks like he found them or maybe they found him.”

“It’s Walker.”

Sam and Bucky jump down colliding with Karli.

“ I’ll send you the location. Go!”

Bucky runs off in search of John.

Winnie kicks on her rocket boots and takes a running leap off the building following Sam.

Sam comes in through the ceiling, Winnie follows through the large hole.

He and Winnie watch as John bends a metal pipe.

“What’d you do?

“They’ve got Lemar.”

Sam and Winnie follow John.

Two super soldiers drop down from the ceiling. One takes on Sam, the other John.

John tosses the shield and hits one in the back and Sam lets his wings take the action.

“What’s with all the knives?”

“Guns are hard to get in Europe. Knives are stylish.” Winnie shoots one in the leg.

Bucky runs in and catches a knife.

Sam now has two super soldiers on him.

Bucky punches one

“You’re welcome.”

An electrified whip hits the other one and knocks them out.

“Sup.” Winnie nods.

Karli, armed with a knife, sees her moment to kill John. She takes it and then is grappled by Lemar dropping her to the ground. They get up and Karli punches him into a pillar in the middle of the room.

John goes over to Lemar.

“Hey. Hey. Hey.” John pats his face. “Lemar. Lemar. Lemar.”

“Shit.” Winnie says softly.

The Flag smashers and Karli flee.

Sam, Bucky, Winnie run after Karlie.

John jumps out of a window and slams onto the street below.

“Where is she?!?” John yells running after the one of the flag smashers.

John knocks the man down beside cement stairs and hits him with the shield. People begin to watch.

“It wasn’t me.” The man pleads. “It wasn’t me!”

John lifts his shield and brings it down several times. Onlookers take videos and scream.

Winnie leans her head on Bucky’s shoulder closing her eyes, away from what just took place in broad daylight, in front of people.

“He snapped.” Winnie whispers with tears in her eyes.

[moonstruckbucky]

Come Over (7/7)

Summary: You’re new to New York City. Fresh out of post-grad and wanting a change of pace, and this change comes in more ways than one.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader. Neighbor AU.

Warnings for Chapter: Angst, language, sad/dumbass Bucky, sad/dumbass reader.

Notes: So...we’ve reached the end. The biggest of thank yous to everyone who read, liked, commented, and shared this story. Everyone who ever sent in asks expressing their feelings over these two idiots. I hope you all enjoyed the ride - I know I definitely did. 

Also, a very special thank you to @sugarfreecapsicle​ who was a tremendous help with some of the more difficult chapters. I couldn’t have gotten over those humps without you, Steph! ♥

Be sure to keep an eye out for more fics! Enjoy this final chapter everybody x

Series Masterlist //  Main Masterlist

Bucky’s head feels hazy, like he’s underwater and he can’t breathe. The feeling hasn’t stopped since he left your apartment a month ago. A month. In that time frame, he’s fought with Sharon constantly and he almost feels badly for how loud they are, knowing you can probably hear everything.

And then he remembers your rejection and he doesn’t let himself feel quite so guilty.

It’s there, though, lurking, just like his nearly desperate need to just see you, talk to you, explain himself. Explain that his head hadn’t necessarily been in the right place for what had happened, to happen. He doesn’t regret it, hell no; he just regrets the timing.

He can feel Sharon’s watery glare on the side of his face. He stands in the living room, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He’s kicked her out, gave her a week to pack her shit and leave after she’d all but confirmed the suspicions that brought him to your door. Her time away from home, from him, had mostly been spent under the covers of Rob, a coworker Bucky had met about three times before she stopped asking him to attend work functions with her.

He supposes he should’ve seen through that, but he’d been so reluctant to have it confirmed, that he’d pretended out of sight, out of mind - if he didn’t see it, it couldn’t be true.

He refuses to look at her, pointedly turns his head away when she approaches him in a last-ditch effort to save their relationship. The brush-off is a clear refusal to do just that, and she whimpers. His resolve hardens with the clench of his jaw, and he manages to turn frigid, dead eyes to her. It’s enough of a warning, and she sniffles once, leaves the apartment with her rolling suitcase behind her. The door closing behind her is all too loud in the silence.

Moments later, he hears the grumble of the moving truck, fading into the distance. Bucky’s resolve breaks, a deep gasping inhale that bends him at the waist. He braces his hands on his knees, lets himself sink to them on the carpet, fights for breath as he sobs. He curls his hands into his chest, fingers tight and digging crescent moons into his palms. He can’t find the words to explain how he’s feeling. It’s a tug of war within his chest, heart wanting to feel happy - happy that he no longer has to feel the stress of an oncoming fight. Yet it demands to feel sad - because such a large portion of his life is now gone...a woman he’d dedicated his time and his heart to, gone, and no matter how he wants to deny it, she’s left a hole. He feels angry - blind rage for giving his heart to a woman who’d merely played with it. Sure, they’d been happy once, but he feels so angry that their relationship had taken the turn it did.

His apartment feels rather empty now; Sharon had done most of the furnishing, and she’s left bare walls and minimal furniture. He’s not sure he likes it, but he feels he deserves it. After all, he destroyed one of the closest friendships he’d ever had and had compelled his girlfriend to find love and comfort with another man. 

To his utter astonishment, he calls Sam a week later. While you had been his first thought, he bitterly accepted that you were avoiding him. And why shouldn’t you? He’d taken advantage of your friendship, crossed a line he’d been toeing dangerously from the start.

Sam is honest with him; he blames neither of you for what had occurred. Merely points out that communication would have been ideal, both between the two of you and between Bucky and Sharon. He asks Bucky how he plans to fix it. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t even know if it can be fixed. Sam assures him it can be if he just talks to you.

He’s not ready to take that step.

You, meanwhile, leave for work earlier than is required in order to avoid Bucky. It’s childish, a little petty, but you think you deserve it. How could you possibly look at him the same? After what you did?

You bury yourself at work, lose sleep over both the guilt and the need to just see him. Your coworkers, you know, can see the deep circles beneath your eyes you barely try to hide, can see the hunch in your shoulders, weighed down by a toxic cocktail of emotions you haven’t really wanted to sort through just yet.

Nights are spent in front of your TV, trying hard not to think about the utter silence next door. You heard them, a few weeks back, shouting and screeching and bellowing until it went utterly silent. The slam of a door indicative that someone had stormed out. You wonder if he’d ended it then, or if she did. If she held her infidelity over his head, pointed out all the things the other man did right, made him feel small. 

You hope Bucky had been the one to end it, for purely selfless reasons. He deserves to reclaim that sense of control, to not be humiliated on top of bowing under the heartbreak of her infidelity. You hope he’s okay, that he isn’t suffering too much over the turn his life has taken, the trust that has been betrayed.

You miss him. Beneath the guilt and the sadness and the anger at yourself, you miss him. He’s so close and yet, there’s a mountain between you. A mountain that you know both of you could climb but don’t. Fear of misunderstanding, of rejection, of further destroying beyond repair the fragile ties of your friendship. Or what remains of it.

New York is cold now, a bitter bite to the air that forces you to don a scarf and a hat when you leave for work. Christmas is fast approaching, and you’re looking forward to getting away from your apartment for a few days. Sam’s been incessant in his begging, asking to see you despite living in the same city.

On the topic of Bucky, Sam treads lightly. He knows you won’t do anything if you’re pushed into it, but he’s really tempted to come whack you over the head for your stubbornness. Though he’s told you otherwise, said stubbornness with the added dose of remorse has you convinced Bucky hates you, resents you for selfishly having taken something you shouldn’t have. 

No matter how much he begs, pleads, even shouts sometimes, you just won’t listen.

Wanda has, somehow, convinced you to go out tonight. You hadn’t wanted to humor her; you’d much rather go home, bury yourself under blankets and self-pity. But something in the way her eyes shine, imploring and sad at the same time, you find it hard to say no. Besides, time away from your apartment is what you’re after. Perhaps it’ll do you some good.

She brings you to an upscale bar, a place with dim lighting but a buzzing atmosphere. You let her order you a margarita with salt on the rim, even humor her with a shot of Jack that goes down warm and smooth. Channeling your early college days, you let loose, laugh loudly, even flirt with a guy who offers to buy you a drink. It’s empty flirtation, you know; you’ve given your heart to someone who unknowingly has it, but tonight, Bucky is far from your mind.

You play a round of pool with the man who bought you a drink. Derek, you think his name is. He’s funny, polite, and charming, and it’s all too easy to get caught up in his green eyes. When you catch yourself wishing they were blue, you order another drink.

The hangover you’re greeted with the next morning isn’t the worst you’ve had, but it’s proving to be a pain in the ass when even opening your eyes has a solid thud echoing in your skull. It takes a minute to realize your phone is vibrating on your nightstand.

“Hullo?” you mumble, muffled by the pillow.

“Just how long are you going to suffer in self-pity?”

“Good morning to you too, Sam.”

“That wasn’t rhetorical.”

“It’s a bit too early for this, isn't it?”

“Not when your best friend bombards you with drunk texts talking all about how she fucked up and Sam, will he ever talk to me again or Sam, how do I say I’m sorry? You know, I know you’re stubborn but even this is a bit much for you. If you’re resorting to drunk texts, then you need to talk to him.” He enunciates each word separately, his tone short and harsh, and you momentarily feel guilty for assaulting him with so much.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” you whimper, and he sighs on the other line. Unbidden, you’re crying again and it only makes your headache worse.

“It’s all right, honey. But sooner or later you’re going to have to do something. Whether that’s move or just, you know, talk to him like the adult you are, that’s for you to decide. Although I’m almost ready to intervene and make you talk to him.”

“I don’t even know what I’d say, Sam, even if I was ready to talk to him.”

“How about starting with ‘I’m sorry’ and see where it goes?”

You know he’s right, yet there’s still a blockage there. The fear that your friendship with Bucky is over, the trepidation in putting your feelings out there only to have him tell you it was a mistake, the harsh truth that, no matter what road you take, your friendship is changed regardless.

It’s all dependent on your next steps. Continue to hide or grow a pair and talk to him.

Sam’s silent on the other line, you realize, and somehow you know he knows what you’re thinking. Knows your decision before you’ve even voiced it aloud.

“I’ll talk to him,” you murmur, more to convince yourself of it than him. He, the cheeky shit, grins knowingly.

“I know you will. But I’m proud of you anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to him. Just...not today. My head is going to explode.”

He groans. “Fine. But no more excuses.”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Love you.”

You smile softly, grateful for Sam’s unwavering friendship. “Love you too. I’ll let you know if he decides to never speak to me again or pitches me off his fire escape.”

He snorts as you hang up, wince as your head aches again. Blanket wrapped around you, you leave your bed for water and to relocate to the couch, nurse your hangover in front of the TV for mind-numbing reruns.

The next day, you spend twenty minutes in front of your bathroom mirror giving yourself a pep talk, running over everything you want to say to Bucky. It all sounds terrible, but it’s what you’ve got to work with. Sliding your hands over the button-up you wear, you nod confidently to yourself before whirling on your heel and leaving the apartment.

Only, you can’t knock once you’re in front of his door. You’re frozen, terrified, secretly hoping he isn’t home. But that isn’t the case because you can just make out the sound of the TV on low behind the wood.

Deep inhale, long exhale, two knocks spaced a couple seconds apart. God, even your knocks are hesitant.

A few moments pass, and you find it within you to knock again.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

His voice makes you shiver. You haven’t heard it in so long, hearing it feels like you’re breathing again. You can hear him getting closer to the door.

Breathing stops altogether when his eyes meet yours, wide, frozen, curious, even a little relieved at the sight of you. Until the mask slips over them and he stiffens his stance.

“You’re not the pizza guy.” Short, to the point, an almost you’re not welcome.

You shrug lamely. “Sorry to disappoint.”

He crosses his arms, tattoos billowing with the movement, and leans against his door frame. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

Your hands cramp where you’ve been wringing them unknowingly. You jerk them apart, shove them in your jeans pockets instead. He’s waiting, and you feel like you can’t speak.

“U-Um, could, could we talk?” He quirks an eyebrow and your voice takes on a whimper. “Please?”

Wordlessly, he steps aside, sweeps out an arm to let you in. You’ve never been inside Bucky’s apartment. All of your previous coffee dates had been spent in yours, usually because you had furniture to be assembled. His place looks...bare. Minimally decorated. You half-expected Sharon to brighten up the place with flowers or paintings. But there’s nothing.

Shyly, you face him. His arms are crossed again and he’s been appraising you the same way you’d been his apartment.

“Where’s Sharon?” Because I can’t say this with her here.

The muscle in his defined jaw ticks in annoyance as he shifts from foot to foot, drops his arms to put his hands in his pockets. 

“Sharon...Sharon moved out. Not too long ago. We, uh, we’re not together anymore.”

“Oh,” you whisper, silently cursing when your heart gives an excited lurch. “Um, I’m sorry?”

He looks up at you from under his lashes. “Are you?”

Tension fills the room. He isn’t talking about Sharon and you damn well know it. Nodding slowly, you sigh.

“I am sorry, Bucky. For...for Sharon, for...for being a shitty friend when you needed a good one. For taking advantage of you. I—”

“Wait, what?” he interjects, straightening and looking you head-on. You can’t look at him, guilty tears rising in your eyes as you look anywhere but at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I crossed a line, Bucky, one I shouldn’t have. I...It was selfish of me.”

“Selfish how exactly? Because if I remember correctly, I kissed you.”

“But I let it go...there. You needed a friend and I just selfishly took advantage of that. It wasn’t right, and I’m sorry.”

Bucky gapes at you, jaw dropped and blue eyes shining. With what, you’re not sure. Then, he starts laughing. Raucous and hard enough that he bends at the waist. You’re offended.

“I’m sorry that’s funny to you, Bucky. I’m trying to apologize for being an asshole and you’re just laughing at me. So, thank you for further humiliating me. I think I’ll be leaving now—”

You don’t get far. His hand wraps around your arm and tugs you back into him with a muffled oof. His other arm snakes around your waist and while your body warms with being touched by him again, you’re still annoyed he’s still chuckling.

Despite it all, you did miss the sparkle in his eyes.

His grin splits his face, only widens when you try to break free from him. “I’m not laughin’ at you, sweetheart. I’m laughing at this...situation. Here I was thinkin’ you were mad at me because I crossed a line. I thought you thought I was just using you. But I gotta tell ya, I’m ecstatic to know that’s not the case at all.”

You stare up at him, bask in the twinkle that’s back in his eye, the brightness of his smile. Then his words truly sink in, and you bury your head in his chest as you shake with laughter yourself. You’re embarrassed, surely, but the situation is far too comical not to laugh.

It sets Bucky off again and the two of you roar in his living room, still embracing one another. You’re breathless, chest and ribs aching from laughing so much, but finally, the two of you calm down.

“We’re fucking idiots, aren’t we?” you giggle, tipping your head back to look up at him. He’s still smiling at you, but there’s a new fondness in his eyes that you could, quite frankly, get used to seeing. 

“That we are. But the important question is - are we forgiven?”

Grinning, you reach up to tangle your fingers in the hair at the back of his head, lightly tug to pull him down to you until his lips hover just above yours.

“I think that can be arranged.”

It’s heaven when his mouth finally presses to yours, soft, yet able to set your heart to racing. You smile against his mouth, bask in his warmth.

“If it wasn’t obvious,” he murmurs against your mouth, “I love you.”

Heart fluttering and tears of sheer joy stinging your eyes, you kiss him again. “I love you, too.”

[elatedmarvel]

Two Ghosts (1/2)

Steve Rogers x Reader 

Summary: It becomes too hard to deal with Steve’s past. 

Word Count: 1829

AN: This one is a two parter. I’m sorry in advance for the angst. The title is from the Harry Style’s song. 

Warnings: Angst, swear words

The ringtone cuts through the loud chattering, and suddenly you felt the warmth from besides you leave. You didn’t need to look to know that he stepped outside to take the call. He always did when she called. He even set up a special ringtone for her. You didn’t know it was possible to hate a ringtone, but your blood began to boil. 

Dressed to the nines, and promises of skimpy lingerie underneath and a mess in the sheets later, still had him at her beck and call. You had expected that dating Steve Rogers would come with challenges, but you never realized you had to compete for his attention from another woman. 

Glancing over at the balcony door, you see him smile and hang up. He straightens his suit, and steps back inside. Eyes locked with his, you know what he’s going to say again, but you beat him to it.

“Where are you going this time?” you’re voice even and steady from the months of practice you have.

“She’s got a lead on the mafia in Spain we’ve been trying to eradicate for months. We have to leave right now though.” and he gives you a half hearted smile, you both know nothing you say will make him stay. 

“That seems a little low on your radar there Cap.” you try anyways. 

“Nothing is too small for me, and besides, it’s a favor.” his favorite reply. 

Sighing in defeat, you give him a small smile back and press a small kiss to his cheek. “Be careful out there.” 

“Always am” and with one measly peck on the lips, he slips into the crowd. 

You watch him go, and when he’s out of sight, you swiftly turn to the bar. If he was going to abandon you at a gala he made you attend, you were going to get drunk enough to forget. Unfortunately, another super-soldier slips in besides you around your fourth drink. 

“She’s had enough” he tells the bartender with a quick nod and slips some money across the bar. The bartender quickly takes the money and heads to the other end, ignoring your whines.

“What the fuck Barnes!” you try to use your best glare on him. It doesn’t work when you see the worry in his eyes though. 

“I know he left, and I’m sorry he was such a punk. But drinking away your problems is not the answer.” 

“He didn’t just leave Bucky, he left for Sharon” your mouth feels sour just saying her name. His look turns from worry to pity, and you can’t decide which one is worse. 

“He didn’t leave for her, he left for a mission. There’s a difference.” he tries. 

“You and I both know that’s a load of shit. She calls and he comes running.” you throw the rest of your drink back. 

“He feels protective of her. Like he owes Peggy to watch over Sharon.” he tries another angle. It just makes your stomach twist even more. 

“Right, his first and only true love.” you spit back. You move to grab your clutch from the bar and turn on your heel. 

Bucky moves faster and catches your wrist before you can take a step. He can feel your wild pulse and hear your heavy breathing, and he knows it’s a lost cause, but he needs to say it. “He loves you too, you know? You’ve helped him through so much. You understand him, and you make him a better person. He’s just blind, and can’t leave well enough alone.” 

“Maybe it’s time I find someone who can see that then.” with tears in your eyes, you rip your wrist away from his hold and storm out of the room. It’s hard to move with your high heels and long dress on, but you somehow manage to get outside and call a taxi. 

“Where to?” the driver asks. You pause, you don’t want to go home, but you’re too tired and drunk to find another place to sleep tonight. Giving the driver your address, you try to use the breathing techniques Sam taught you, not wanting to have a breakdown in the back of the poor man’s car. 

The moment he pulls up to the curb of your apartment, you throw him money and wish him a good night. You stumble around in the dark, not wanting to turn on any lights. Not bothering to take off your dress, or makeup, you step out of your shoes and fall into bed. The last thing you see is the picture of Peggy that Steve keeps on his night stand. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The birds chirping outside sound more like jackhammers when you wake up. The dress you wore last night now wraps around you, almost chokingly tight. Your pillow stained with black and red. You manage to pull the zipper down, and step into the hot spray in the shower. 

You had hoped when you woke up sober that you wouldn’t feel the jealousy and emptiness inside like you did last night. That whatever took hold of your stomach would free it from it’s iron grip, but no such luck. It just ached more now that you couldn’t blame it on the alcohol. 

Drying yourself off, you pulled on comfortable clothes, careful to avoid any of his shirts. You sat on the edge of the bed, figuring out your next steps. 

This wasn’t the first time he had abandoned you for her. At first it had been small things, and you knew they were friends, had been long before you had even laid eyes on him. She wants me to help her move. She needs someone to interrogate a criminal. She needs someone to comfort her after her breakup. 

Back then you were proud of how caring of a friend he was to her. How he was such a good friend. He told you before about how they had kissed, and even tried dating for a while, but it felt wrong and ended on good terms. He told you even before you knew what his lips tasted like. There were never any secrets between the two of you. 

Over time, it grew into heavier reasons. We both miss Peggy, and we just need some time to grieve. You were never the jealous type, but each time he left for her, he took a little bit of your self esteem with him. 

Glancing around the room, you didn’t grasp how foolish you were until now. It wasn’t just Sharon, but the other Carter too. Her picture on his night table, magazine articles cut and hung with care about the amazing things Peggy had accomplished on the walls. The goddamn compass with her picture on the dresser, he looked at it every day. 

It was understandable to you at first, he loved her and mourned for her. She was truly a remarkable woman. One that you now realize you couldn’t compare to. 

The tears flowed slowly, but once there was a leak in the damn, it was hard to keep the waters at bay. Sobs wracked your body. You sobbed for you, and him, and your relationship. He could never give himself fully to you, and you understand that now. 

He would always be haunted, and you couldn’t free him. 

It might have been minutes or hours, time meant nothing to you anymore as you cried. Another hour after the tears dried up spent laying in bed, too tired and heartbroken to move. It was the rumble of a bike driving by that finally woke you. You didn’t want to be here anymore, not with remains of his past. 

Grabbing your suitcases from the closet, you threw in as much as you could. Clothes, shoes, toiletries, even your passport and other important documents. Anything you left, you would have someone else pick up, or he could donate. 

You moved as fast as you could, but luck was not on your side. The moment you stepped into the entryway, he opened the door. Your heart leapt into your throat, preventing you from speaking as you stared at each other.  

His eyes darted from your suitcases, to you and your red rimmed, puffy eyes. You watched as confusion blooms on his lovely face. 

“Are you going somewhere?” he breaks the silence. 

You couldn’t speak, too afraid that you’ll break if you say it out loud. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to keep calm. You see him step closer, trying to comfort you, but you just step back. 

“I can’t be here anymore” the voice doesn’t even sound like yours, it’s too small and sorrowful. 

“Ok? Darling, what’s wrong?” it kills him to see you so hurting, and do nothing. He reaches out, but the moment his hand meets your arm you snap. 

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” your voice growing louder. “You get back from abandoning me at some gala you begged me to go, for her I might add, and you ask what’s wrong?” 

He just stares blank faced at you, you’ve never shouted at him before, not even in your worst arguments. Taking his silence as an answer, you continue. 

“I’ve never once said anything while you dropped everything to help her, never. But it’s never going to stop is it? If we go out of town and she calls, you would leave me there. If we get married and have kids, you’re going to keep going every time she calls! I can’t compete with her!” The floodgates open, and the dumbstruck look on his face fuels you.

“It’s not like that! She needs my help! Who would I be if I just told her to ask someone else?” Steve yells back, finally snapping into action. 

“My boyfriend! Mine!” you snap.

“It’s not that simple. We share a past, and connection. I owe this to her and Peggy!” and her name is the straw that breaks your back. 

“Because it’s all about Peggy, it always goes back to her. I get it Steve I do, you met the love of your life, and then you went into the ice. What sucky luck you must have to end up here with me instead of her!” 

“You don’t get it. She was the first person to ever see me, to ever love me for me and not Captain America.” he tries to reason. 

“She might have been the first, but she wasn’t the only.” you both breathe heavily. He calculates what to say next, he can’t afford to step on a landmine. 

“She’s a part of my past, of me. Can’t you see that?” if your heart wasn’t broken before, it was shattered now. 

“I see it Steve, I do. But I can’t stay here and compete with ghosts anymore. It’s too hard.” he’s stunned, and you take this opportunity to get past him.

“Goodbye Steve” you whisper as you cross the threshold. You close the door, leaving him and his ghosts inside.

Part 2

[kokkuri3]

I think VnC’s treatment of female characters is better than in PH, where most of them were props, tools to further the development of males, *coughLacieyoudeservedbetter*, tools to humanise the males *coughAdayoucan’tfixhimwithlove, endlessly forgiving and impossibly saintly *coughreallyAlyssyou’rejustgonnaforgiveJacklikethatyouarenotangryatall??*, amongst other problematic tropes.

VnC’s treatment of female characters is absolutely better than PH’s-- in fact, I’d say VnC was one of the few shounen manga to consistently treat its female characters with the same passion and respect as its male ones. One thing I say often is that VnC feels as thought it was written with Mochizuki having acknowledged PH’s problems (the complete lack of nonwhite characters, the continual mistreatment of female characters, the at times facetious treatment of issues such as incest or pedophilia which is... Not A Fan) and to that effect, I think she is making a deliberate effort to make multiple female characters with their own arcs which exist outside of men, who have important relationships with other women, who are capable of agency in the same capacity as their male counterparts.

This post isn’t really about VnC though so I’m not gonna sing its praises much anymore. I’ve talked before about how, despite being written by a woman, despite clearly acknowledging misogyny as a chronic problem among violent men PH is... not especially self aware when it comes to the misogyny of its own narrative.

I’ve made my thoughts on Lacie clear before (see here) and particularly how I believe her treatment was one of the times where PH’s treatment of women was particularly remarkable in that it’s good, despite her arc being drenched in misogynistic abuse and violence. I absolutely wish that the atrocities pinned on Lacie being not her fault was made more clear (aside from what I said in the post, and Oz saying that Lacie would never desire for the destruction of the world she loved) but I don’t think her writing itself was misogynistic-- I’d even go as far as to say it was feminist, though, obviously, I’m open to disagreement.

What most certainly does piss me off, however, is the writing of Ada’s arc. Yesterday I joked about Ada being the ‘anti-Lacie,’ and while it was a joke, I still intended some seriousness with it. Unlike Lacie, who was forced to constantly reevaluate her morals and the positions of her and her loved ones as a person whose existence was an inherent sin and who was abused throughout her life, Ada’s arc is built around the fact that she has never had to question anything. Similarly, while Lacie’s arc is about how she sought her own agency despite being surrounded by and allowed only those who were at best complacent in her suffering, Ada’s arc is about how... she continually sought out and apologized for a misogynistic predator despite being surrounded by better options.

The gender of the Core of the Abyss is something which I think warrants a separate post, but the official translation refers to the Core as being female, and for nearly the entire story she takes the form of a girl. Lacie reached out to an entity referred to and most often perceived as female, sought to understand her, and was abused as a specific consequence of this. Ada, meanwhile, made no real attempts at sympathy for her female counterparts. She never sought to question the circumstances of Noise, or Echo, or their relationship with Vincent. She gave forgiveness for crimes she had not been affected by nor did she even understand; her defense of Vincent was done not out of concern for Noise’s psyche but out of unquestioned pity for her abuser.

Ada’s arc bothers me for its utter lack of agency. She was a teenaged girl, expected to fix a predatory, abusive man in his twenties, and throughout her arc she is given no real means of choosing other options nor protecting herself. Her decision to defend a predator was not even an educated one; she simply did not know. Nor did she ever really come to understand anything about Vincent, aside from brief glimpses into his past. Ada is dragged around by the plot, pursuing an abuser she did not know was an abuser yet still felt sure she could heal, being forbidden from choice-- where she was not denied choice in the sense that she lacked the knowledge to make one, she was denied choice via other characters forbidding her. She was not allowed to protect Vincent though she wanted to because Vincent felt it was too dangerous to allow her to, she was not allowed to remain beside her friends and family though she wanted to because they felt it was too dangerous to allow her to, she wasn’t allowed to stay with Vincent because it was too dangerous, she wasn’t allowed to see him again because it was too dangerous... and she’s never given the choice to do anything but go along with it.

Alyss’s forgiveness of Jack is... a more complicated issue. That Ada “forgive” Vincent-- along with many of their other interactions, I might add-- felt utterly meaningless to me. Ada had never really perceived Vincent as performing a slight against her, being perfectly willing to assign any violence he committed against her as either her own fault, or part of his mental illness, thus Not His Fault. That Alyss forgive Jack, who was violent towards her, who she understood as victimizing her and others... I don’t like it, exactly, but at least it’s not the same.

I’m not sure “forgive” is even the correct word for what she did-- she acknowledged him, and she was gentle, but she never told Jack that she forgave him. Vincent’s dialogue during Retrace CIII supplements this in saying he suspects that Alyss’s feelings for Jack are the same as his own.

Vincent feels unable to either forgive Jack nor reject him entirely, feeling that he had done too much good for him to ever really hate him. Alyss, similarly, felt too strong a love for Jack to reject him outright. She never expressed sympathy for his actions, nor did she make any attempts to defend him. There was no misunderstanding on Alyss’s part on whether her love for Jack was unhealthy, but she loved him nonetheless. When she finally “finds” him, she offers no words of kindness. She simply expressed her gratitude in having done so before calling him a hopelessly lonely man, making no further attempts at even acknowledging him.

Of course, there is the inherent misogyny of a character arc about a young girl infatuated with an adult man, to the point of destroying her other relationships in pursuit of it. That Alyss was deliberately isolated and that Jack be the only person aside from the other Alice and the Core of Abyss-- two entities that cannot be meaningfully separated from herself-- is an obvious contributor, but that does not erase the problematic aspects of her arc. Then there’s the matter of Alyss’s wish to die being the only one treated as though it was a necessary evil, as opposed to a reflection of the individual’s personal instability that should be addressed through supporting them as opposed to killing them. It’s sort of an unfair double standard, and that the plot make Alyss’s death a necessary evil is a matter of author choice, not something inherent to the work.

On the topic of other instances of misogynistic writing in PH as a whole, there’s the matter of Alice and Sharon’s arc. While I don’t think either arc is in itself misogynistic, both characters are totally ignored in favor of their male counterparts. Despite Alice being one of the most important characters in the series, she has almost no narration and is frequently characterized as, to quote a friend of mine, a “feral animal.” She’s not given the same emotional or psychological depth as Oz or Gil, despite having around the same number of appearances and being the plot’s catalyst. Sharon has her own arc, theoretically, but we only ever see it within the context of Break or Reim despite being more of a main character than the latter. That Sharon spend entire volumes not appearing a single time is a recurring joke. A major part of her characterization-- that she feel insecure in relationships due to her halted aging-- is not revealed until the last chapter of the comic. Her arc ends with her marrying to a character who... I wouldn’t have been upset if the two of them had had any real interactions outside of Break, but they didn’t. There’s no inherent problem with their relationship except it’s boring and rushed.

Then there’s the matter of the sheer number of female versus male characters whose purpose in the plot is to die violently-- the Flower Girl, Vanessa Nightray, Bernice Nightray, Miranda Barma, Mary, etc. All of these characters did little or nothing to actually progress the plot, and all are murdered by a male character with the exception of the Flower Girl (who is a sex worker in the anime adaptation, and while I don’t know the canonicity of that, I feel it worth mentioning). 

Ultimately, PH suffers a lot for Mochizuki’s internalized misogyny. Her narrative seems over eager to forgive perpetrators of misogynistic violence, and in many ways over eager to characterize sympathetic men as misogynists. A Pandora Hearts without its themes of misogyny seems... nearly incomprehensible, though that’s in large part because of how meticulous the narrative as a whole is. The improvements Mochizuki has made subsequently, though, are noticeable and greatly appreciated.

[medeafive]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Sharon Carter (Marvel) Additional Tags: Vampires, I only write AUs now don't ask, Vampire Hunters, Going for dark and gritty here, Set in Prague because I love it, Suicide mentions, Late 90s Summary:

She's good. Really good. She's done this longer than almost anyone else and no one tracks vampires down better than her. That's the only thing that matters. Hunt and kill. He has white eyes and a black cloak. He's either an impostor or, judging by the color of his eyes, the most dangerous vampire she's ever met. And he's not going to leave her alone.

Inhuman scream.

She's covered in vampire blood already but this guy just won't go down, his eyes very dark red, she slashes at his chest again, using his dodge to wrap her legs around his neck, her momentum knocking him down. She's up faster, tangling with his friend, claws scratching over her already dented armor, she kicks the woman in the stomach with both feet, dropping onto her back but bouncing right back up. The guy tries to grab her from behind so she elbows him in the face and steps on his foot, ramming her shoulder into him and twisting so he rolls right over, crashing into his female friend. Takes the second to retrieve her knife, gun's too far out. They're already scrambling up again. She flashes her teeth and they return it with their fangs, plunging towards her.

Rolling out from under the bigger guy, the woman lands right on top of her, sinking her fangs into the bite guard that makes a pitiful noise. She flips them over and socks her on the jaw. The guy grabs her by her hair, yanking her back which hurts like a bitch but she's not one to cry, kicking his knee out, satisfying crack , slashing the silver knife through his ribcage, howl , splattering blood, trades blows with the vampiress while he falls to his knees. The woman tries to bite her arm again but she whips the creature around, breaking her arm behind her back, inhuman cry, slashes precisely through the guy's neck, blood spluttering, and then she snaps the woman's neck, tossing her onto the asphalt like a rag doll.

Something drops from a lamp post and she spins, ready to fight, already covered in blood and gore, but it's just the black cloak who strides towards her confidently. She snorts, walking away to retrieve the gun.

He nods towards the three vampires, the one she shot straight through the heart, the one with the bleeding neck and the one with the twisted spine who still tries to crawl away. "Tell me you didn't enjoy that."

She doesn't say anything, just checking the ammunition left. It's obvious. Well, she should clean up.

"Do you mind if I drink her?" he asks. "Since you didn't hit her with silver."

She stops, tilting her head, then shrugs. The woman howls but can't get anywhere before he crouches over her, black cloak covering, and then it's deadly quiet. She walks over and hacks the bleeding vampire's head off.

He feeds in complete silence. When he straightens, the woman's body is crumpled, dry but there's only little blood around his mouth. Not like a young vampire in a blood frenzy. "So you hunt vampires," she states. "And you feed on vampires."

"Young vampires," he specifies, licking his lips. "With human blood left. Vampire blood smells and tastes foul."

"Has other advantages, though," she remarks.

He grins. His fangs are streaked with both gold and dark blood. "You could have it. Just say yes."

"I'm not loyal," she counters. "I don't follow orders. Schmidt wouldn't like that."

"You would," he returns. "It's not a choice."

She snorts. "Not even for you?"

"No," he replies. "He turned me. I have to obey him."

"I've never heard of that," she states.

"It's not that common," he admits. "But for him, always. How else do you think the large nests like in the castle work?"

"Mind control," she repeats. "No, wait, you're dead, you don't have a mind. And you want to get me into that ?"

"It's not my choice," he admits again. "But I would prefer to have you around rather than having to kill all your friends."

"But you're not remotely controlled," she argues. "There has to be a way around this. He can't have given you super specific orders without loopholes."

"You ask too many questions, dollface," he returns. "I should get going before day strikes."

"The fuck did you just call me?" she asks with amusement, wiping dark blood off her face. "How fucking old are you?"

"Don't you know that?" he asks back. "Think about it. It's really not the worst thing in the world." 

Read on on AO3

[holylulusworld]

Shallow Heart

Summary: Steve moved on after you went missing. You did finally too. Now his shallow heart yearns for you… 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, former Steve x Reader, former Steve x Sharon Carter

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, blooming relationship, jealous Steve, almost no dialogue in this one

Inspired by James Blunt’s ‘Always hate me’

This is the request sequel to: Moving on

  Written in Steve’s PoV

God, it hurt. The moment I saw Y/N with someone else, my best friend – the one she belongs to now. I couldn’t bear seeing him holding her hand or the way she smiled up at him as if he’s her whole world.

She used to look up at me like that. I know I’ve got no right to feel this way, not at all. I moved on, I told her more than once and now - I’m not sure anymore. 

I never thought I could get my shallow heart broken but it happened after the night I saw Bucky kissing her for the first time. After that, I started feeling things I thought are in the past.

I was seeking her company, ignored the woman I thought I’m in love with. I tried to talk to Y/N, but I know whatever I want to say now, it would do no use.

I never learn t to use my shallow heart

I, I, I

 I never meant to hurt you

 It's just something I do

 I guess it's not a good excuse

Some days ago, Sharon saw me watching Bucky and the girl I’m still in love with. Did I try to trick my own heart by rushing into a relationship with a substitute for Y/N? 

Sharon got to know, I tried to make her stay, tried to pretend she’s the one I want for the rest of my life but I know this would be wrong ‘cause she's never gonna hold my heart, not as Y/N did.

I lost my chance with the woman I loved with all my heart and broke another heart on my way only as I was too weak to admit I was lost without Y/N.

If only I had found the strength to admit my relationship with Sharon was a mistake Y/N would’ve forgiven me. I saw the pleading in her eyes but I was too stubborn to admit I needed her like no one else.

And she will always hate me

No matter what I say

And there is no mistaking

The love is gone

Sharon hates me and she’s got all right to do so. Her sobs echo through my mind. How could I break her heart and yours at the same time?

Now she knows she was a rebound girl Sharon ignores me, doesn’t want to know me anymore. I lost a good friend as I desperately tried to replace the love I lost. Believing moving on is the best I lost all people dear to me.

Bucky barely talks to me, Y/N loves my best friend and Sharon, she left town without looking back. I don’t blame her for now wanting to ever see me again.

My office feels cold today. I still remember the times Y/N would burst through the door, this bright smile on her perfect lips. She always had the power to make me smile, to cheer me up. 

When she went missing I lost my mind. After four months I gave up hope and after ten I gave in to Sharon. She was always a good friend and one time during a hard day Sharon admitted her feelings and I kissed her only to feel again.

I was good at tricking my heart, telling myself I’m in love with this foreign woman lying in my arms instead of my beloved Y/N. Still, I felt happy back then till the day Tony called, telling me Y/N is alive, that she wants to see me.

Sharon insisted on coming with me, she wanted to see Y/N with her own eyes. I didn’t refuse, even held her hand. The moment I entered the room and saw a broken girl in the hospital bed and not my always smiling Y/N I lost it.

Instead of taking her in my arms I told her I’m with Sharon and that we are over. I told Y/N I moved on, and at this very moment, I believed my lies. I will never forget the hurting in Y/N’s beautiful eyes or the sobs she let out after I left her room.

I heard her crying the whole way down the hallway and it ripped me apart, but I kept on telling my shallow heart I moved on. Truth is I never did, but it’s too late cause she did move on, with Bucky.

I, I, I

I never meant to hurt you

It's just something I do

I guess it's not a good excuse

Walking out of my office to meet up with Tony I hear her soft voice, she’s talking to Bucky and he looks at her the way I used to do.

I feel another pang in my heart and need to turn around to take a deep breath. Bucky can hear my heart racing, I know it, but he doesn’t look my way, he only has eyes for the woman holding his heart. Now he leans closer and kisses her lips softly.

I know it’s wrong, but I want to hurt him … so bad. I ball my hands into fists, clenching them before I fake a smile to walk toward Tony’s office. I greet my friends and pass them by without glancing at Y/N.

I can hear her voice, can hear her telling Bucky she loves him and that’s what seals my fate. I brought this upon myself, pushed her away for my own sake.

I should’ve fought for her, but I insisted I moved on – now she did, and I’m stuck in my lonely life, without anyone loving me back. My shallow heart – I can’t bring it to forget about her and it kills me every day more.

“Finally, Captain. Shall we?” Tony is leading me into his office, searching my face. I can see a tiny smirk on his lips before it’s gone. “Sharon Carter won’t work with us any longer. Care to explain, Steve?”

“I messed up.” Mumbling I look at my fingers, refusing to admit I hurt another person dear to me due to my selfishness. “I hurt her. She realized I’m still in love with Y/N. I couldn’t deny it and she left, Tony.”

My friend’s eyes soften but he blinks his compassion away. I can watch his posture changing the next moment and I know I will catch hell.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Rogers?” Tony jumps up to throw a file at me, shaking his head. “For over a year I tried to tell you to get rid of Sharon and take care of Y/N. She was close to giving up and now she’s happy with Barnes you come here and tell me you love her.”

“I’m sorry…” Not meeting Tony’s eyes I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

“I swear on anything dear to me if you try to mess things up between Y/N and Bucky I’ll hurt you like no one hurt you before, Rogers. Y/N moved on…” Tony is pacing around the room, not knowing how to react to my confession.

“I would never…” Choking on my words I meet Tony’s eyes. “I will never tell her so. She needs to believe I moved on, please. Lie for me. Tell her if she ever asks that Sharon has an important mission…”

“You will not hurt her ever again, Steve. I can’t see her suffering again; it broke my heart. Goddammit Rogers! How could you do this to her and yourself?”

“I thought I moved on, betrayed my heart to make myself believe I can live without her…” Hands fisting my shirt I look at Tony, swallow my pride. “Please never tell her so. I can survive anything but not the pity in her eyes, please. Let her hate me but please don’t make her pity me…”

“Fine…” Tony sighs, moving his hand over his face. “To all of us, you moved on…”

When I open the door I almost bump into Y/N. She looks up at me and can see through my lie, she can see behind my façade right away. 

“You should move on, Steve. I never felt better…” Y/N says without a hint of pity and I’m thankful. Nodding I look at Bucky, follow her into Tony’s office. “I will…” Is all I bring out before fleeing out of the room.

It kills me to not turn around and look at the girl which used to belong to me but it’s my fault. She moved on…I will too…eventually…

All works Tags

@yolobloggers​, @meganywinchester​, @shikshinkwon​, @miraclesoflove​ , @mogaruke​, @shatteredabby​, @soryuwifeyxx​, @letsdisneythings​, @i-love-superhero​, @psychicforest

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore​, @notyourtypicalrose​, @voltage-my2dlove​, @thedoctorscamanion, @officialmarvelwhore​, @randomgirlkensy​, @juniorhuntersam​, @lumar014​, @doctorswife221b​, @sister-winchesters99​, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​, @the-soulofdevil​, @chonisberonica​, @redroomproperty​, @natura1phenomenon​,

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@hhiggs​, @roonyxx​, @stylesismyhubs​, @multisuperfandom​, @mrspeacem1nusone​, @shadowcatsworld , @fallenoutofrose​, @rynabarnesrogers​

[artificialqueens]

(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter Four (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - forever begging for your love, attention and feedback!! send ur thoughts here or to @purecamp and let me know how ur all feeling!! anyway here’s wonderwall xo

two new challengers arrive on the scene…..

It was a different kind of sex to the kind Sharon was used to, admittedly. Jaremi was every bit as wild and carefree in bed as he was in his general lifestyle. It was exactly what she needed, in truth - an escape to just close her eyes, grip the bedsheets and let the waves of pleasure erase her heartache one orgasm at a time. 

True to their new no-strings-attached attitude, once it was over, they simply lay beside one another in the bed, completely naked, not touching. Sharon tried to catch her breath, pushing down the rising urge to become affectionate. She didn’t even know Jaremi, and besides - it was a habit she was going to break, for her own good.

“So…” Jaremi’s voice was slightly breathless. “About what just happened?”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Is this the part where you call me a whore for sleeping with you?”

“Not at all. I’m just curious. You don’t seem like the type to do this all the time. I’m a writer, like I said. I want to know your story.”

Staring up at the ceiling, Sharon didn’t dare to lower her gaze, not really sure where she should be looking. The vulnerability of her situation was beginning to set in, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“I don’t really have a story.” She lied. “My…”

She caught herself before she could say boyfriend. What was Justin? He had seemed like so much more than that. They’d never really talked about whether they were an item or not, it just seemed to happen. Probably, Sharon thought bitterly, he had avoided that conversation to hide his dirty secret and use her. Nothing else seemed right. She had thought of him as a lover, even going as far as to say she had truly believed that he was the one; clearly she had been alone in that belief.

“I was cheated.” She managed, once again forcing down the unwelcome feeling that came with those words. “So I’m trying something new. No strings, no attachments, no feelings.”

Jaremi nodded, offering no sympathy. In a way, Sharon was glad for his lack of emotional connection. The last thing she needed was to end up crying on someone else’s shoulder.

“I can do that.” He affirmed, nonchalant as ever. “I’ll be around, exploring the local area.”

Sharon grinned in spite of herself. “And the local girls?”

“Maybe. If they’re as easy as you are.”

Laughing, she moved to whack him with the pillow, cursing when he swerved out of her way. “Dammit!”

She sat up, suddenly acutely aware of her nakedness. She wasn’t sure how to feel - whether she should be proud or modest with her nudity. After all, it had been different with Justin. She had been sure that he loved her, and he made her feel truly beautiful. With Jaremi, she was just sexy. Was she supposed to act sexy?

Resolving to just stay casual, she tried to ignore the strange amalgamation of pride and insecurity mingling in her chest. “We should be nearing land. Go check, Captain.”

Jaremi poked his head above deck. “I see it. You planning on getting dressed before showing me around?”

Sharon forced a laugh. “Yeah, maybe. You say that a lot, huh?”

“What?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh.” Jaremi paused. “I guess I do. It’s better than yes or no. You can’t get mad at a maybe. You and I both know that no commitment is the way to go, after all.”

Sharon hugged her knees, reaching for her t-shirt as Jaremi left the room and climbed on deck to take control of the sails.

“Yeah… I guess it is.” She mumbled.

-

Just before Sharon headed in the front door, she ducked towards the shed. Jaremi had sailed her to and from the island every day for the past week and a half, the two of them keeping their affair as secret as they could. Any time her heart began to ache, or her mind began to wander towards the one that got away, she could rely on Jaremi to take her mind off of him.

They didn’t talk much. Jaremi was funny, if a little immature sometimes, but Sharon didn’t care. She wasn’t there to fall in love, but rather the opposite. She had fallen too hard and too soon, and their stress-free relationship was exactly what she needed. They were hardly friends, let alone lovers. He was just someone to fuck, and nothing more.

Since Justin had left and Jaremi had arrived, Sharon had distanced herself from everything and everyone. She still performed with Raja and Jinkx nearly every night, but she couldn’t bear the pity she saw in their eyes, nor the whispers when they thought she was out of earshot. Their concern was touching, tangible proof that they loved her, but it hurt to be reminded of her own pain. She needed to escape from it all.

It was surprisingly easy to lie. Sharon just kept herself away, wandering the island alone and fucking Jaremi on the way home after her shows, explaining to her girls that she just needed time alone to think. At least, she reasoned, it wasn’t a total lie. She was thinking a lot - perhaps too much.

As for her mother, she was easily fooled too. Mostly, she told her that she had been sleeping at Raja’s, and her friends were happy to cover for her whenever the lie was questioned. Besides, Sharon couldn’t deny that she had been enjoying herself, at first. Sex and secrecy and sinning in broad daylight in the middle of the ocean had given her the most decadent thrill. Despite that, though, a lot of her sadness had begun converting itself to anger and bitterness. This is all that I was to him, her mind kept telling her. A cheap fuck. The hooker they hire for stag parties.

Such were the thoughts that often struck her as she lay beneath Jaremi, feeling him moving inside her and gasping when appropriate. He didn’t care if her head smacked against the headboard behind them, and in her mindless state she hardly noticed. She just stared up at the ceiling, emotionally and physically numb to everything she knew she should’ve been feeling. Truthfully, it wasn’t fun anymore.

Too often, she gazed in the mirror after Jaremi left to carry on steering his little ship, and just looked at herself. She had grown accustomed to her own nakedness, her own numbness. She stared at the dark bags beneath her eyes and the black makeup smeared around them, the way her lipstick had been ferociously kissed off, the way that her skin was peppered with marks she didn’t even remember receiving.

Never before had she felt so detached from her own body.

But she had to save face, and keep up her image. Inside the shed, she quickly changed into more suitable clothing and discarded her flashy, fitted costume inside an empty paint tin, to be collected the following morning. There were some rules Sharon would never be reckless enough to break. Even so, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she had forgotten something.

As quietly as she could, avoiding all of the creaks and bumps she had learnt to identify, Sharon crept inside.

“It’s getting dark, where have you been?” Her mother asked sternly, already waiting for her in the living room. 

Sharon swallowed, her mind briefly filling her head with flashbacks of that day. Somehow, she didn’t think that admitting how she had been laid out below deck in Jaremi’s boat would go down very well. She twirled her hair nervously around her fingers, praying it would cover any hickeys that Jaremi had left on her neck and chest.

“I’m sorry.” She rushed out, ashamed of the deep-rooted fear her mother could instil into her. “I was helping Raja and Jinkx to pack, I didn’t realize it was so late. It won’t happen again.”

Her mother was stood tall, arms crossed over her chest, her crucifix necklace gleaming in the low light. Not a single hair was out of place from her neat bun, and her face was fixed into a scowl. Sharon didn’t remember the last time she had seen her own mother smile at her. She supposed that was what happened when her impossible standards would never be met by her less-than-perfect daughter.

“Hmph.” Was the response, blatantly unsatisfied. “Perhaps if you had tried harder in school, you could be going to university too. But you failed and gave up, didn’t you?”

That stung, but she wasn’t going to show it. No, her mother didn’t deserve the satisfaction of her tears. It wasn’t her fault that she had dropped out - it was her failing grades, the information that just didn’t sink in, the knowledge that she wasn’t good enough to even sit the exams. As if she had needed more confirmation that she would never be enough.

Still, she lifted her chin. “I’ll miss them. I hope they visit.”

Her mother frowned deeper. “You’ve been missing church. People are talking, Sharon, and you know I don’t like that.”

Almost subconsciously, Sharon found herself lowering her head in submission. “I’m sorry.”

“They think you’re abandoning the faith completely. I’m disgusted at you.” She spat. “You’re coming tomorrow whether you like it or not. Understand?

Sharon nodded meekly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Her mother sniffed. “And wash that makeup off your face. You look like a little tart, and I won’t have my daughter parading around like a prostitute.”

Without another word, Sharon made her way upstairs. She wished desperately she could’ve used some of that courage her friends were always telling her she had, but she knew she would never be able to, that she didn’t really possess it. There were a hundred and one things she would’ve loved to say to her mother that would never, ever be said.

Sharon felt smaller than ever as she shut the bedroom door behind her, reaching for a flannel to scrub the offending makeup from her skin. The complexity of her feelings was confusing, to say the least, as she tried to make sense of it all. Fear and anxiety swirled in the pit of her stomach from being at home. Anger and heartbreak from Justin plagued her chest. Desire and regret from Jaremi filled her entire body. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything was conflicted.

Somehow though, beyond all explanation, she was physically trapped, but she felt free.

A knock on the window broke her out of her thoughts. She had just began to change, and her heart leapt into her mouth when she turned around, instinctively covering her bruised chest with an ugly cardigan.

“Jinkx?!” She whisper-shouted, rushing to slide the window open. “What are you doing here?!”

She stepped aside to let her in, hurrying to finish changing. In the meantime, Jinkx climbed somewhat heavily into her room, Raja hot on her heels but with a little more grace and balance. Before Sharon even knew what was happening, they were stood in her room, bearing matching grins and holding a bottle of wine each.

“I can’t believe this…” She murmured. “Guys, if my mom finds out you’re here-”

Jinkx held up a hand, slapping it over Sharon’s mouth to shut her up. “She won’t, chill out. We just came to see how you’re doing.”

“And by that, she means - we have two bottles of wine and three glasses.” Raja supplied. “Although I was kidding about the glasses. We’re swigging.”

Sharon laughed; it was a simple, pure laugh not elicited by boys, nor tainted with flirtation and heartbreak. It was the realization of how lucky she was to have her dumb friends.

“Bring it on, girls. Do your worst.” She grinned. “Sorry I’ve been so disconnected.”

Raja shook her head, pulling her and Jinkx onto the tiny single bed and attempting to squeeze under the covers. “None of that, now.” She said firmly, wedging Sharon in between her and Jinkx and handing her a bottle of red. “We understand. We’re here to show you how much we love you.”

It was utterly ridiculous. Raja was far too long for her bed, and in an attempt to make sure they all could fit, both girls had their arms wrapped around Sharon’s middle in an awkward, well-meaning cuddle. Even trying to drink the wine was an ordeal, but Sharon stored away the good feelings bubbling inside her to keep for later. Her friends had ventured out of their way to help her, and there weren’t many people in Sharon’s life who would do that. Jaremi certainly wouldn’t, and she wouldn’t expect him to. Justin… Sharon had thought that he would, only to realize she was wrong. She was lucky to have her girls.

They were all she had.

With the extent of her solitude, Sharon hadn’t been drinking much since Justin had left; she suspected her heart was a little too fragile to cope with it. It didn’t take too long for the half a bottle that she had managed - the rest, of course, commandeered by her friends - to set her off.

She buried her face in Jinkx’s shoulder, inhaling her musky perfume, and let a few stray tears fall onto her shirt. After the original heartbreak, she had sworn she wouldn’t let it overcome her again, but that was too difficult a promise to keep. Distancing herself for protection had done nothing to fill the cracks in her heart that had been left behind. Maybe a good cry was what she needed.

“You need bolstering.” Raja decided, planting a kiss on the closest bit of her she could find, which happened to be her cheek. “We’re gonna bolster you.”

“Talk to us, baby. So we can bolster.” Jinkx cuddled, if possible, even closer.

Sharon gave a short laugh, mirthless and soon fizzling out. “I don’t hate him. I feel like I should hate him.”

“I hate him.” Raja said, her voice laced with venom. “After what he did to you? If I saw him now-”

Sharon cut her off. “I would thank him. He taught me so much that I never had a chance of knowing before. I’m so angry at him.”

She paused. “My god, I’m angry at him. I’m furious. He played me. He played me and he doesn’t deserve a single second of my time and yet whenever I’m alone all I can think about is his eyes. His stupid fucking angel eyes.”

In her drunken state, the truth was confusing and yet clear all at once. The problem with the mindless convenience sex she’d been engaging in with Jaremi was exactly that - it was mindless. What she needed was a real distraction, something to pull her away from the grasp that Justin had on her.

“It’s always the pretty ones.” Jinkx agreed glumly. “They take your heart and then you have to pay the price.”

Raja hummed a little tune. “Call me a crazy drunk bitch, but-”

“Crazy drunk bitch.” Sharon and Jinkx replied in unison.

“Okay, fuck you.” Raja laughed. “But seriously. I’ve had this little melody in my head for forever. Sharon, you can put words to it. We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

Sharon frowned, her mind fuzzy. “Words about what? What birds, anyway?”

“Words about him!” Raja exclaimed. “Everything you’re feeling. Slate him within an inch of his life. It’ll get your feelings out and The Supermodels are in need of a fresh new sound to reflect how much things have changed this summer.”

“After church…” Sharon nodded slowly. “I’m being forced into going tomorrow, but I’ll be free all day after that. If we can pull this off-”

“Then we’re officially the coolest girl-power band ever.” Jinkx supplied.

Sharon sighed, feeling woozy but more content than she had in a long time. “I love you girls so much.”

“We love you too.” They replied, scarily synchronised. Jinkx stroked her hair. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

The following morning, Sharon woke to a tangle of limbs and hair entwined around her body. Jinkx was drooling, her face unattractively smashed into the pillow and her hair flying around her head. Similarly, Raja was curled up against Sharon, her mouth wide open as she snored loudly. Truly, she thought to herself with a laugh, they were a charming bunch. She was almost certain that she didn’t look much better than they did.

No sooner had she woken up, though, her door knocked loudly. The jarring sound jolted both of her friends awake, and Sharon had to clap her hands over each of their mouths to prevent them from giving themselves away. That would have been suicide.

“Sharon? Are you awake yet?”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Sharon blanched. “Uh - yes! I’m just - just getting ready!”

A loud grunt. “Hmph. Hurry up, will you? You will not make me late for church, young lady.”

“Of course not.” Sharon replied, hating how easily she regressed into her meek, unimportant daughter role. “I won’t be long.”

As soon as she was sure that her mother’s footsteps had disappeared, Sharon opened her wardrobe, listening to Raja and Jinkx groaning. More than anything, she wanted to finally stand up to her mother, as they were always telling her to do, but she didn’t have the strength. Her heart was aching and the courage that she had felt when she had been with Justin had long since dissipated. An all-consuming wave of shame and embarrassment rolled over her.

“You two should go.” She suggested, her cheeks flaming. “I have to get ready… She can’t see you.”

Jinkx stretched. “It’s alright, we can go out the window again. Don’t worry about us.”

Sharon smiled weakly. “If I can face the stage later, I’ll be there. So long as I survive church, anyhow.”

Raja let out an almighty snort. “Girl, I don’t know how you do it. But you gotta come along tonight! Song or no song, we’re gonna dress up and we’re gonna dance and you’re gonna be our dancing queen again. We can find you a new man, or maybe a cutie to take the edge off…”

Both girls remained in Sharon’s bed as she began to change, tugging the skirt down and the shirt up in an attempt to look as modest as she could. Normally, she would use makeup to try and hide the dark circles underneath her eyes, but she didn’t have much time. Besides, her mother called her a tart for wearing even the slightest hint of cosmetics.

“I look like shit.” Sharon grumbled, staring at herself with distaste. Raja not-so-subtly elbowed Jinkx and hissed “Bolster!”

“No, baby!” Jinkx rubbed her arm, glaring at Raja as she swung herself out of the bed. “You’re beautiful!”

“She’s right, you know.” Raja nodded, glaring back. “I tried to flirt with this guy the other night and he did give it to me, but then he did admit that he has a thing for blondes more than anything, so he might be interested in you. I think he said his name was Jaremi. Maybe we can find him tonight, set you up.”

Sharon laughed nervously. “Yeah, maybe…”

She wasn’t sure why, but it didn’t feel right to tell them that she’d been seeing anyone, let alone that it was Jaremi. It wasn’t like they were going to judge her - they had been doing more outrageous things for a much longer time - but it felt like a secret she had to keep to herself.

It wasn’t like it would matter, anyway. Soon enough they’d be going off to their universities, getting with as many guys and girls as they wanted, and they wouldn’t be physically able to tell one another about each and every encounter. Perhaps it was just for the best.

Sharon tried not to think about them leaving.

“SHARON! COME ON! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!”

Her eyes wide, Sharon practically shoved her friends towards the window and dashed from her room, taking the stairs two at a time in her hurry to evade punishment. At the bottom of the stairs, hands on her hips, her mother looked as judgemental and expectant as ever.

“Hmph. Skirt’s a little short, don’t you think?” 

Sharon tried to calm her breathing. “Is it? I-”

A sharp slap cut her off. “You look disgraceful. I’ve half a mind to make you change, but we don’t have time. The Lord doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“I didn’t realize the Lord was operating on a time limit.” Sharon replied, cupping her stinging cheek. “Here was me thinking he loves us all eternally.”

Her mother’s face hardened. For a moment, Sharon could see the resemblance between the two of them, and she despised it. She swore she would never look at her future daughter the way her mother was looking at her, with anger and hatred in her gaze. As her mother raised her hand again, Sharon narrowed her eyes.

“Do it, and I’ll tell the vicar exactly why my face is so red.” She threatened, clenching her jaw. “I’m dressed, I’m ready. Pretty sure the Lord is waiting for us.”

Despite the rage blazing in her eyes, her mother simply turned and walked out, giving in to the argument. There would be hell to pay later - meaning Sharon had to avoid going home for as long as she could manage - but that was fine. She could check with Fernando, see how the weather was going to be, and take a chance. Shivering through a storm would be better than coming home to this.

As they arrived, late as expected, Sharon split from her mother to the only other available seat, next to a young man that she didn’t recognise. She knew the act of splitting and sitting by a man, in itself, would irritate her mother, but that was beside the point. She needed to get away.

The guy winked at her as she slipped into the seat beside him, acknowledging the length of her skirt with a smirk. Sharon cocked an eyebrow at him, letting the neckline of her shirt fall lower as it was supposed to and adjusting her rosary so it rested atop her now-slightly exposed cleavage.

Flirting in church. That was new.

The blonde eyed her up and down, chuckling quietly to himself before focusing on the service again. Thankfully, the old lady next to him didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, so Sharon was able to avoid another set of glaring eyes.

As the service went on, the blonde gestured discreetly, making a mockery of the priest’s words and stories as he droned on. It was all Sharon could do not to burst out laughing in the middle of the service, lest she be ripped to shreds.

Part of her wanted to start talking to the stranger when the service was over, and see if he was as amusing as he seemed in the midst of the service, but she mentally decided against it. Girl time, she reminded herself. She had Jaremi if she needed anything, and the very last thing she needed was to add another guy into the mix. Still, she could see a spark in him - like how his eyes had glazed over, telling of the fact that he, like herself, wasn’t all too invested in the preaching of the church.

When the service ended, she blew a kiss and left sharpish. Getting caught up with her mother would definitely end badly, so she was quick to dive out of the way and take a few back streets towards the dock. 

I can’t believe her, she thought to herself. I can’t believe she fucking hit me again. No. Fuck her. She doesn’t deserve my time, even in my thoughts.

Instead, her thoughts drifted - regrettably - back to Justin. Raja and Jinkx had a point, that she should be angry at him too, and writing might make her feel better, but she still wasn’t so sure. The whole situation made her feel sick to the stomach whenever she thought about him. Staring at that photograph, the look that he was giving that girl… it was so familiar and yet so alien that it made her shiver.

There was too much to say. Too much for one song, surely. She wasn’t sure if she was angry, or sad, or lonely. She was just conflicted and confused, and it was his fault. He was impossible to write about - not again.

-

“There’s two.” 

Jinkx nearly fell off her barstool. “Two? What, like two verses, or?”

“Two songs.” Sharon corrected her. “I don’t know what happened! I just - I don’t know!”

She sighed. “He’s been gone for two weeks. I don’t know why I still care. But when I put pen to paper, it was like I couldn’t stop. All I can think about is him.”

Raja pursed her lips, evidently displeased. “Fucker. And he’s not even sparing a thought in your direction.”

Seemingly delighted at the opportunity, Jinkx thwacked Raja as hard as she could. “Raj, bolster! Besides, we don’t know that. Maybe he’s thinking about how he made a huge mistake, and how we’re gonna beat the crap out of him. Anyway, we’re bolstering.”

Sharon giggled. “I don’t need bolstering! I’m fine, just frazzled. Besides, only one of them could actually be performed, this one has no substance to it whatsoever. It’s just prose of me whining about how one of us is happy and one of us isn’t.”

“Prose is a big word for you.”

“Thank you.” She laughed, properly this time. “Anyway, fuckin’… there you go. Angel Eyes. All about deception. It should fit your melody, Raja. It’s only rough anyway.”

Cosied up at the bar together, they began dissecting through the song, humming sections and scribbling annotations onto the paper. As usual, the little taverna was empty in the daytime, save for a few regulars sipping at their beers and Maria, washing mugs with a rag. With any luck, it would fill up in the evening, drawing people in with their music. Some nights they even had to perform outside, the venue too small to contain the amount of people that wanted to drink and dance and listen to the band. Sharon hoped tonight would be one of those nights.

“Maria! My God, you’re beautiful!”

Maria chuckled as a man’s voice yelled out the compliment, loud enough to attract the attention of everyone in the taverna.

“You flatter, Willam. Your great grandmother Pat come through here not so long ago, you just miss her by minutes.”

Willam laughed good-naturedly. “Can’t believe she’s ninety two years old and faster than me. Hey, it’s you! From church!”

This time, his words were directed at Sharon, who hadn’t looked up from the plethora of notes and doodles that now covered the song. When she met his gaze, she let out a little gasp of disbelief.

“What are you doing here?” She found herself blurting out.

“What are you doing here?” He responded, mimicking her tone with a grin. “I have family here!”

Sharon nodded, dumbfounded. “I have a job here…” She gestured to the paper.

Without asking, Willam snatched the paper from beneath Jinkx’s pen and began to scan through it, much to the protests of the girls. After a few moments of skim-reading, he nodded and handed it back.

“Ooh, girl. Who did this to you? Someone on the island? I come here sometimes, I might know them to kick their ass, or get them fired.”

Sharon laughed. “He’s gone, it doesn’t matter.”

Raja frowned. “Sharon, who is this?”

“I don’t know.” Sharon admitted. “Blondie?”

Willam extended his hand, shaking Raja’s vigorously. Something about his unwavering smile was amusing, and she ended up laughing. It was too fake to be real, but a little too real to be entirely fake. It didn’t make much sense, but Sharon was beginning to realize that most men didn’t make much sense.

“I’m Willam, obviously. You just heard darling Maria announce my presence. Sharon and I met earlier today, I guess you could say.” A mischievous sparkle lit up his blue eyes. “She showed me her tits in church.”

Sharon gasped. “I did not!” She defended herself. “It was a tease at best.”

Jinkx laughed uproariously. “Sharon! God, we’ve taught you well.”

“Your song is good, girls.” Willam said suddenly, peering over Raja’s shoulder once more to see what she was writing. “I think I’ll come down tonight to watch, maybe bring Pat with me. I’m a musician too, I’ve performed here a few times. I’ll be seeing you.”

He gave a little wave as he went out, blowing a kiss in the same manner that Sharon had as she left church.

“I guess you will,” Sharon called after him, pushing down the sinking feeling in her chest. This really is the last thing you need. Even if he is attractive, you don’t need to get mixed up with another guy.

If only she had the willpower.